#“But your life belongs to me?��� Inspired this post btw

[crustyfloor]

I've been thinking a lot about dancing as a form of possession and keeping, when they dance, to us, it's a physical melody of two, an abstract form of intimacy, to them it's also a way to get a message across.

Dancing in the way that HyunA's is Luka's and only Luka's to have, dancing in the way that Till is Ivan's to want and keep close, dancing in the way that Sua and her memory is Mizi's to keep and hold for her eternity

[alsofoundinpeas]

A Gift of Belonging

Summary: Y/N often avoids family holidays due to her strained relationship with her family, who favors her brother. When Spencer Reid invites her to spend Christmas in New York with him and his mother, she discovers a new sense of warmth and belonging, making it the best holiday she’s ever had.

Requested fic!! 🥳: I was wondering if I could ask for a Spence and Y/N in which Christmas is approaching and Y/N usually spends it alone because she has a complicated relationship with her family that always favors her brother.

Maybe he has plans to go spend it with his mom and because they are in early times in their relationship he didn’t think to invite her, but once he finds out she’s alone, he takes her to meet his mom and they all have a really good time!

I was thinking something angsty, fluffy, and maybe smutty in the end? I don’t know, you’re the mastermind behind these beautiful creations, so whatever makes you feel inspired haha

CONTENT WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI!! This fic is intended for adult audiences. Very brief mention of alcohol. Strained relationship with family (repetitive I know). Oral (m!receiving), unprotected PinV sex (birth control is discussed beforehand but said conversation isn't actually in it), creampie (I wince every single time I type that). Fluffy holiday smut!!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader/afab!reader

A/N: Reupload because I'm a bingus head and accidentally deleted when editing FORGIVE ME PLS!! I loved writing this request!! Huge thank you to @dalamjisung for the request. I hope you like it :') The song mentioned in the fic is December by Ariana Grande btw, but it's only mentioned because reader listens to it, it isn't mandatory for the fic. I have a few more requests lined up after this one, so as for right now my requests are closed until all of them get posted. As always, please tell me what you think! :) If you enjoy it, please like, reblog, and share it with your friends! <3 Thank you and I love you all!!! :) <3

Y/N sighed as she stared down at the text from her mom, re-reading it a few times before tossing her phone to the end of her bed with a frustrated groan.

Mom: Hey sweetie! Are you planning to come home for Christmas this weekend? If not, I completely understand. Honestly, I’m just happy your brother will at least be here. I think he’s bringing his new girlfriend, too, so that’s exciting! He’s always so good about making time for family. But again, no pressure if you’re too busy. I know you have a lot going on!

Her excuses were starting to wear thin, seeing as she had played the flu card for last year’s Christmas party and faked a work emergency to skip Thanksgiving. But the thought of attending her family’s Christmas only to spend the night listening to her brother's achievements, followed by the inevitable barrage of condescending questions about her life, was unbearable. Call her a Grinch or a Scrooge, but the holidays had become her least favorite time of year for this very reason.

Unfortunately, it didn’t even matter if it was a holiday or not. It never changed. Her family had always favored her brother, even when they were kids. She had a never-ending list of chores and rules, while he breezed through life with no curfew and no accountability. Any mistake he made seemed to fall on her, and heaven forbid she stayed out five minutes later than she was supposed to with her friends.

Despite their constant claims that there were 'no favorites,' it was painfully obvious who the real favorite was.

Y/N lay staring at the ceiling, weighing the pros and cons of skipping Christmas this year. On one hand, it would be nice to see her grandmother—the one person who had actually kept her promise of no favorites. But she could always visit her grandmother separately and avoid the hassle of sneaking away just to have a real conversation. On the other hand, her family was already used to being disappointed in her. What was one more excuse? She could always make it up next year.

After what felt like an agonizing eternity of indecision (though it was really only five minutes), she finally decided to skip Christmas again this year and stay home. Her family mostly gave money as gifts now that they were all adults, so she wouldn't be missing much—just a meal (takeout had never let her down) and some forced small talk with extended family (who never really seemed interested in her life anyway).

Y/N: Hey, mom! I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to miss this year too. There’s a bug going around at work and I’m worried I caught it :(

Her mom’s answer was immediate, and the guilt lifted from her shoulders as she rolled her eyes at the response.

Mom: Poor thing! You just have the worst luck when it comes to holidays huh? Your brother must have taken all the good immune system genes or something LOL!! That’s okay, dad and I will mail your gift and I’ll send you lots of pics. Hope you feel better soon!

After firing off a quick 'Thanks, love you!' Y/N rose from the bed, let out a sigh, and wandered to the kitchen for a bottle of wine.

She’d tried to convince herself that her parents' indifference no longer hurt, but what had dulled into a constant ache over the years flared into a sharp sting during the holidays. No one wanted to be alone at Christmas, but she knew she had to prioritize her peace of mind—and that meant avoiding an entire day spent deflecting passive-aggressive jabs while her brother soaked up all the attention.

The one person who could make her feel better was across the country, tied up with a case. She wasn’t upset with him—far from it. Y/N admired the work he did and the way he dedicated himself to saving people without ever getting the recognition he deserved. Still, it had been over a week since she’d last seen Spencer, and all she wanted was to curl up in his arms and hear him tell her that everything would be okay.

As if the universe had picked up on her tension, a knock at the door startled her, causing her to jump with a racing heart. She froze, eyes darting to the door, considering whether she should quietly move toward the knife block in case a dangerous stranger stood outside. It was barely 8:30, and she hadn’t been expecting anyone.

After a second round of knocks, relief washed over her as a familiar voice called "Y/N? Sweetheart?" She rushed to the door, unlocking it as quickly as she could and flinging it open to find an exhausted-looking Spencer standing on the other side.

“Spence!” Y/N cooed excitedly, wrapping her arms around him tightly before pulling him inside. “When did you get back? I thought you guys wouldn’t be back until tomorrow night?”

Not that she was complaining at all. She loved any time she could spend with Spencer. They’d only been dating for a little over two months, but she’d already fallen hopelessly in love with the sweet genius that she met when he accidentally stumbled into her while in line at their favorite coffee shop (she later found out it was no accident and that Morgan intentionally shoved him into her because Spencer was too afraid to make the first move).

“Technically we weren’t supposed to be, but we ended up getting a confession so it took way less time than we anticipated to finish the case. And with Christmas coming up this weekend, Gideon figured the sooner we got home the better,” Spencer explained with a small, tired grin as he slipped off his shoes and sat his satchel down. “I hope you don’t mind that I showed up, I just really missed you. I tried to call beforehand, but I thought maybe your phone was dead or something...” His eyes caught sight of the wine bottle on the island and paused, arching a brow before glancing back down at her. “Rough night?”

Y/N blew out an exasperated huff of air, nodding as they made their way over to her couch. She cuddled into his side immediately, relishing in the feeling of finally being able to do so. Spencer had been hesitant when they first started dating with physical touch, but once he pushed past the initial discomfort, he couldn’t get enough of her affection.

“Yeahhh. I had to tell my mom that I’m not making it home for Christmas again this year and it just… stressed me out a bit.”

Spencer’s face scrunched in confusion, looking down at her worriedly. “Oh, I’m sorry sweetheart. Are you not feeling good? Or what’s stopping you from going?”

Right. They hadn’t had the whole “I love my family from a distance because they act like brother is Saint Michael himself” talk yet. Y/N nibbled at her lower lip, fidgeting with her hands before sighing.

“I… um, it’s complicated. I just prefer not to see my family around the holidays because they’ve always had this weird favoritism for my brother and as I got older I just decided it wasn’t worth sacrificing my peace for.”

Spencer frowned, nodding in understanding before his face lit up with realization.

“Well, if you’d like, you could join me and my mom for Christmas? If you don’t want to be alone, that is. Not that I’m trying to pressure you into meeting her! I just planned to check her out of the sanitarium this weekend and bring her to New York City since she’s been doing better on her medication. I’m sure she’d love to meet you, and I, of course, love any time I get to spend with you—“ Spencer began, his words tumbling out nervously as his face flushed and his voice pitched higher.

Y/N’s heart skipped at the invitation, her face lighting up into a wide grin as she gently cupped his face, halting his nervous rambling. He met her gaze, and she smiled softly. "Spencer, I’d love to join you and your mom for Christmas—only if you’re really sure you’re okay with it."

Spencer had first mentioned his mother's illness on their third date, explaining himself after abruptly excusing himself to take a call from her nurse. It was also the night of their first kiss—he had started panicking, flustered and trying to explain his sudden exit, and Y/N thought he might cry. So, she kissed him to calm his nerves. Once he’d settled down, she reassured him that it was completely fine, that she understood how important his mother was to him, and that she’d love to learn more when he was ready to share.

That night, Spencer realized, without a doubt, that he was falling in love with her.

"It’s settled then," Spencer said with a grin, leaning forward to kiss her quickly. "I’m so excited to spend Christmas with my two favorite people. I was actually thinking we could get tickets to see The Nutcracker at Lincoln Center—"

Y/N listened intently, her heart swelling as she gazed at him with stars in her eyes, enchanted by his excitement as he shared the plans he’d made for the weekend. Although a little nervous, she couldn’t wait to share Christmas with him and his mom. They continued to plan the weekend, finalizing details between sleepy kisses and small yawns until they finally caved to their exhaustion and went to sleep.

The weekend arrived faster than she expected, and nervous excitement washed over Y/N as she waited for Spencer to pick her up from her apartment. She was packed and ready, excited to meet his mom and see New York City sparkling with Christmas decorations. For the first time in years, she felt something other than dread for the holiday, and she couldn’t be more grateful for her sweet boyfriend because of it.

Spencer had picked up his mom the day before, carefully explaining the plan to her during the drive home and making sure she felt well enough to go ahead with it. Diana was overjoyed at the idea of Y/N joining them for Christmas, assuring him she was feeling fine and could hardly wait to meet her.

For the first time in ages, Spencer felt like he had his mom back, her treatment progressing far better than he'd hoped. All it did was make him even more excited for the weekend ahead, his anxiety easing with each hour spent in the car on the way back to his apartment. It was comforting to open up to her about Y/N and to share what had been happening in his life beyond the letters he wasn’t sure she even remembered receiving.

The weekend turned out even better than Spencer had hoped. Diana and Y/N hit it off so well that Spencer found himself mostly on the sidelines of their conversations, but he didn’t mind in the slightest. It filled him with happiness to see his mom and the woman he was now certain was the love of his life getting along so effortlessly.

They had packed in every Christmas activity they could think of: admiring the lights, sipping hot cocoa, watching The Nutcracker... anything that felt festive was crossed off the list. By the end of the weekend, Diana was almost pleading with Spencer to make Y/N her daughter-in-law on the drive back to the sanitarium. Spencer could only laugh nervously, promising to do his best to make it happen.

Once Y/N got home, she knew she had to find a way to thank Spencer—not only for giving her the best Christmas of her life but also for being the most amazing boyfriend she could ever have hoped for. He was going to come back to her place tomorrow so they could exchange their gifts for each other, so whatever she did, she had to do it then before he inevitably got called in for another case. The real question was: how could she possibly show him just how grateful she was?

With a sigh, Y/N turned on her playlist and settled onto the couch, trying to brainstorm ideas. It felt like the harder she thought, the less her brain worked. After agonizing over ideas for nearly fifteen minutes, Y/N was at her wit's end, ready to settle for a card and a lengthy essay to express her gratitude, when the lyrics of the song playing suddenly grabbed her attention.

Merry Christmas, here I am, boy

I'm the present and you know it, here I am, boy

She sat up suddenly, a victorious grin spreading across her face as the perfect idea popped into her head. She and Spencer had yet to make it past second base, not for lack of desire, but because the opportunity never seemed to align—each time they got close, his phone would ring or something would interrupt, stopping them in their tracks. Tomorrow would be the perfect opportunity to finally take that next step and for her to show her appreciation for the sweet genius.

There was a perfect dark red satin lingerie set at a nearby boutique that would bring her vision to life, but it closed in just thirty minutes. Y/N threw on some clothes, making sure she looked presentable, then grabbed her keys and purse and rushed out of the apartment.

The cashier shot her a glare as she approached the counter, and Y/N internally groaned. She already felt like an asshole for being there so late, but she did still have fourteen minutes to spare before they actually closed. The guilt vanished when she met the cashier’s icy stare, and she grabbed her purchase with a mumbled thanks before she hurried out of the store. Sue her for wanting to look sexy for her boyfriend on Christmas.

The next day seemed to drag on, with Y/N anticipating the surprise she had planned for Spencer.

She cleaned the apartment until it was spotless, setting the perfect mood with scattered scented candles and dimming the lights. The room was softly illuminated by her Christmas tree—one she had convinced Spencer to help decorate at the start of the month—and a few strands of lights she had strung up. All of the presents were ready and waiting to be unwrapped.

Now all she was waiting on was Spencer himself.

Three firm knocks echoed at the door, marking his arrival—right on the dot at 5:00. As punctual as ever. Y/N opened the door with a thrilled smile, eagerly tugging him inside.

"Woah, hey! Hello to you too, sweetheart," Spencer chuckles loudly, wrapping his arms around her and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“I’ve been looking forward to this all day, so excuse my enthusiasm,” Y/N said with a soft laugh. “Dinner’s ready if you’re hungry. We can do presents first and then eat, or eat and then unwrap them—whatever you prefer. I honestly could do either, it doesn't matter to me and of course, you're the guest so—”

Spencer grinned as she nervously rambled, her hands gesturing wildly as she listed off options. It was oddly comforting to him that she got just as nervous around him as he did around her. Even though she had quickly become the person he felt most at ease with, a part of him still felt those nerves—after all, she was the most incredible woman he’d ever met, and the thought of messing things up and losing her terrified him.

“How about we eat first and then open presents? Is that okay with you?” Spencer suggested, offering a small smile.

The tension in Y/N's body eased as she returned the smile, nodding in agreement. "That sounds perfect."

Dinner passed with casual conversation, both Y/N and Spencer chatting between bites about everything from the new book she was reading to the latest research paper Spencer had discovered and found fascinating. They ate more quickly than usual, both eager to exchange the gifts they had carefully picked out for each other. It wasn’t long before they were done, clearing the table and loading the dishes into the sink before heading into the living room.

The two of them sat together in front of the tree, feeling as giddy as a couple of kids as they finally began to exchange presents.

Spencer slowly unwrapped his first gift, his eyes softening as he revealed the delicate, intricately designed watch she'd chosen for him—a gift that held both practical value and deep sentimental meaning. He glanced up at her, a shy but sincere smile spreading across his face, and she felt the warmth in his gaze. “This is… perfect, Y/N,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "Thank you. I’ll wear it every day, I promise."

“Always, Spence. I’m so glad you love it,” Y/N murmured, her eyes filled with affection as she watched him. She recalled how devastated he’d been when his previous watch had broken a few weeks ago. Though hers wasn’t as extravagant as his old one, it meant far more to him—because it came from her.

Y/N cherished every gift he gave her: a whimsical coffee mug to add to her collection, a journal with a playful inscription from him that made her laugh—promising she'd have a place to rant about her family when he wasn’t around to listen, a couple of books from her wishlist, and, lastly, her absolute favorite: a delicate locket on a thin chain, holding the first picture they’d ever taken together.

Once all the gifts were unwrapped, Y/N smiled and stood up, holding her hand out to Spencer. He looked at her in confusion but took her hand without hesitation, allowing her to lead him to the couch.

“Keep your eyes closed and stay right here. Your final gift is in my room,” Y/N instructed, a mischievous smile curling at her lips. As soon as his eyes were shut, she darted down the hallway to her room, stifling a soft giggle at the surprise she was about to unveil.

When she came back, she positioned herself between his legs, leaning in close to whisper in his ear, “Alright, Spence… you can open your eyes now.”

Spencer opened his eyes, nearly choking as he took in the sight in front of him. Y/N was standing there in a beautiful lingerie set, the bra designed so that it was a bow that he could untie to reveal her... Just like a present.

“Holly shit,” Spencer breathed, and Y/N couldn’t help but laugh at the rare curse slipping from his lips. Spencer hardly ever swore, so hearing it from him spoke volumes about how much he liked what he saw.

"So I take it you like it?" Y/N arched a brow, resting her arms on his shoulders.

“Wh-what are you doing?” Spencer stammered, looking up with wide eyes as Y/N climbed into his lap.

Y/N settled into his lap with a coy grin, reveling in the feeling of his hands coming up to grip her waist. She leaned in, brushing her nose lightly against his before softly grazing her lips across his.

"I wanted to show you my appreciation..." Y/N whispered, placing a brief but tender kiss on his lips before trailing kisses along his jawline. "...for giving me the best Christmas ever."

Spencer blinked hazily, her words taking a second to process in his mind as the sensation of her lips now sucking a mark into his skin became the center of his focus. His grip on her waist tightened imperceptibly as his fingers flexed against her warm skin. He swallowed hard before finally mustering up an answer.

"Y-you don't have to thank me, baby. All I ever want to do is make you the happiest you've ever been—"

Spencer's words came out as a squeak as she rocked her hips once against the erection now straining in his slacks. His head fell back onto the couch with a soft thump, a quiet whimper slipping from his lips at the friction. The scent of her perfume enveloped him, a fragrant haze that clouded his thoughts and left him feeling lightheaded, as if he were drowning in its sweetness.

The intensity in his gaze sent a shiver down her spine, the sight of his dilated pupils stirring more in her than she was willing to admit. Y/N smirked, repeating the motion to hear the soft noise fall from his lips once more. She lifted a finger to his lips, shushing him before she moved to kneel between his legs.

"I want to, Spence. Please?"

Spencer nodded so vigorously it almost looked painful, his wide eyes locked on hers in stunned disbelief. He couldn't believe this was real... that he not only had her to begin with but that she was on her knees begging to make him feel good. The breath rushed from his body as her fingers trailed up his thighs to the button of his slacks, popping it open while she kept her hungry gaze on his.

His body trembled in anticipation as Y/N dragged the fabric down his legs, tugging them off once they reached his feet and casting them off to the side. He whined as she leaned forward to mouth over his aching cock through the thin fabric of his boxers, his fingers twitching from where they rested beside himself. His breath hitched in his throat as she dragged her nails down the inside of his thighs, a smug grin on her face as she watched him dig his nails into his palms.

Y/N decided she'd teased him enough, placing a kiss on his hipbone before swiftly removing his boxers. Spencer's hips lifted from the couch, jerking toward her mouth instinctively as she wasted no time in leaning forward to lick a thick stripe up the side of him before taking his swollen head between her lips.

"Oh—" Spencer gasped, his eyes struggling to stay open as he watched her begin to swallow his length. "Oh my God, Y/N—"

Y/N smirked around her mouthful, taking him as far into her throat as she could before wrapping a hand around what couldn't fit. She began to bob her head slowly, easing him into the sensation. The feeling of him—hot and hard and filling her mouth so perfectly—had her squeezing her thighs together as she began to move more vigorously.

Spencer writhed beneath her as her mouth and hand began to work in tandem, his eyes fluttering shut despite his efforts to watch her every move so he could burn the sight into his memory for later use. His hips bucked up when she took him into the back of her throat, a guttural groan falling from his open mouth at the gag that emitted from her from the motion. His eyes shot open as he began spewing out apologies, but his words died in his throat as she pulled off of him to shake her head vehemently.

"Do it again," Y/N croaked, taking him back into her mouth and reaching up to guide his hands to her head.

Spencer whimpered pitifully, exhaling sharply before tentatively repeating the motion. His heart nearly fell out of his ass when Y/N moaned around him, encouraging him to keep going. His hips thrust rapidly into her mouth, his eyes squeezed shut now as moan after moan spilled from his lips.

"I-I'm close— sweetheart, please," Spencer groaned, lights flashing behind his eyes as she all but sucked the soul from his body. "Can I— Can I fuck you? Please? Wanna make you feel good, too."

Y/N moaned loudly around him at that, pulling off of him with a slick 'pop' before nodding vigorously. She was drenched, the sounds Spencer made having turned her on more than most men had in the past with their entire bodies. She hurriedly climbed into his lap, not even bothering to take her panties off and instead pulling the fabric to the side as she lined him up at her entrance.

They'd previously agreed that since they were both clean and she was on birth control they'd skip using a condom. They just never had the chance to actually get on with it... until now, anyway.

The sight of her swollen lips and watery eyes had Spencer captivated as his hands automatically found their home on her thighs, rubbing gently as she eased herself down onto him. If someone had told him six months ago that he'd ever be lucky enough to experience this—having the most beautiful woman he'd ever met as his, riding his cock like she was made for it—he would have laughed in their face. But now, all he could do was sit back and watch her in awe as she took every last inch of him into her core, speechless as he marveled at the sight. His brows pinched together as her walls enveloped him, his mouth gaping open as she bottomed out with a loud moan.

Y/N's head tipped back as a moan wrenched its way from her throat, her hips moving in small circles as she adjusted to the stretch of him inside of her pussy. She had never felt so desperate for someone before, but she wasn't surprised. It was Spencer—the man she admired more than anyone. The man who treated her like she was everything, simply for being herself. The man who reminded her every day that she was worth more than she’d ever believed.

Neither one of them was going to last long, a realization they both came to as she lifted her hips and dropped them down into his lap as she began to ride his cock. But that was okay. They had all night to make each other feel good.

“How does that feel, sweet boy? Hm?” Y/N panted, falling forward to rest her face in the crook of his neck as she rocked against him with frantic, needy movements.

All Spencer could do was whine loudly as he clung to her, planting his feet on the ground and moving his hands to cradle her back as he began to rut up into her. He was borderline delirious with pleasure, the feeling of her walls clenching around him driving him mad with the need to make her fall apart in his arms. The movement served to drive him repeatedly into her G-spot, the both of them crying out and latching to each other as Y/N trembled above him.

"So good," Spencer finally grunted, moving his hands up to hastily unwrap the bow restricting his access to her breasts. His lips latched onto her right nipple, sucking and nibbling as his hand came up to pinch her neglected bud. "You're so fucking perfect, sweetheart." He mumbled against her skin, laving over the pert bud and groaning.

Y/N cried out, her hands tangling into his hair as she rode him harder. It was almost feral the way they moved together, needing each other in a way words couldn't describe. The couch creaked beneath their movements, but she couldn't care less. She only cared about making the man underneath her feel the best he ever had.

Her walls began to clench around him as she whimpered into his shoulder, signaling her impending climax. Spencer slid a hand down from her breast to instead rub at her clit, lifting his head to capture her lips in a passionate kiss. It only took a few circles of his skilled fingers before Y/N was chanting his name into his mouth like a prayer, her eyes squeezed shut as she came hard around him. Spencer's orgasm was almost simultaneous with hers, the sensation of her walls squeezing his cock triggering his climax almost violently as he pumped into her with soft sobs.

Their chests heaved as they slumped against each other, caressing each other with gentle touches as they caught their breath. Once Y/N could sit up, she lifted off of his softening cock with trembling legs, a giggle spilling from her lips as he whined in discontent. She placed a lingering kiss on his lips, effectively shushing him before she stood from the couch to go get a rag.

When she came back, Spencer reached for her with needy hands, wanting to feel her against him once more. They tended to each other with soft murmurs of praise and gentle kisses, their love unspoken but evident in every touch and gesture. Once they were cleaned (and Spencer had all but shoved her toward the bathroom so she could pee to avoid getting a UTI), they stumbled into her bedroom and into her bed.

It was in Spencer's arms, as he drifted off to sleep, that Y/N finally understood just how special the holidays could be—made all the more meaningful by the sweet genius she was fortunate enough to call hers.

REMINDER: I do NOT give permission for my work to be re-uploaded to any other platforms (c.ai, Tiktok, ao3, etc.) under any circumstances. If you'd like to translate my work, then please ask me before doing so. I know it sounds whiny, but I (as well as many other fanfic writers) spend so much time on these and it's genuinely not okay to take credit for work that isn't yours. It's insulting and completely unnecessary. If I do see my work uploaded anywhere without explicit permission, I WILL say something.

[revelboo]

I just wanted to let you know, that post about Waspinator, Tarantulas and Grimlock and how they have more animal like instincts than other bots (which i can't find in your masterlist, btw) inspired the realization in me that this same truth would apply to ALL the characters in Beast Wars.

(This is not a request that you add Beast Wars to your ever expanding list unless you really want to. God knows you've got enough on your plate right now.)

Oh, yeah- they’d love hunting and pred/prey play

Sure! Sorry it took so long to get to it!

Save World Get Girl

Silverbolt x Reader

• Head pounding, your eyes open and all you can see is green. Struggling upright and fighting off a wave of confused nausea, it all comes rushing back. The siren and the gate malfunctioning. Someone screaming. Turning to look around, your stomach sinks as you realize you’re alone. There’s no gate. You have no idea where you are and you’re alone. Eyes focusing on your helmet and the giant crack spiderwebbing the plexi, you at least know the air is breathable. Otherwise you’d be dead by now. Clumsily fumbling with the helmet until you get it detached, you stagger to your feet as panic begins to claw at you. Turning slowly in a circle as somewhere in the jungle you’re standing in, something screams out.

• Patrolling through the thick underbrush, there’s an unfamiliar scent on the breeze. And unfamiliar is rarely good. The Predacons? Growling softly he draws a feathered blade and stalks forward, wings drawn close to his body. What is that scent? Some trap laid by Tarantulas? A lure to draw them out, because it’s a curious smell. Servos carefully pushing a palm frond out of the way, he spots the small shape and he’s not sure what to make of the little biped. Watching it struggle with its round, bulbous head until it pries it loose and drops it to go bouncing and he sees it’s only a helmet. But the creature underneath is even stranger. A little organic, looking around with worried eyes. What are you?

• Skin crawling, you pick up a stick because you’re unarmed and it’s better than nothing. Wrapping the severed end of your tether around your arm, you’re not sure if you should stay put and wait on rescue or look for shelter. Because really? You seriously doubt rescue is coming. Had known when you’d signed up that you were risking your life. That you were expendable. You’d known and taken their money anyway.

• Whatever you are, you definitely don’t belong here. Watching you heft a pitiful, little stick and begin to walk, he scans for your ship and comes up with nothing. Keeping low, he follows you when you head into the brush. Doesn’t bother trying to trail you too closely since you’re making enough noise every predator for miles has to be alerted to your presence. Do you have no survival instincts at all?

• A branch cracks and you freeze, heart racing. And looking up, you stare at a monstrous, beaked, bird thing. That tilts its head to stare at you with a beady eye and you realize how big it is as it shuffles on the branch and makes a throaty croaking noise. Nope. As soon as it launches from the branch, wings flapping you drop your stick and run screaming.

[alice-after-dark]

Random Song Ideas/Inspirations

These are just some random ideas that I had and I'm no song writer so I'm just gonna thought dump them for you all to suffer through lol I wish I had the ability to make fan songs like damn. These are in no particular order btw.

TW for implications of abusive relationships. Contains abusive StaticMoth.

Hell is Forever (Vox's Reprise) - A much more dark and sinister version of "Hell is Forever" sung by Vox, more reminiscent of how he started "Stayed Gone". The song is basically addressing how he doesn't believe redemption is possible and how the Vees are going to rule Hell.

Pipedream - A "Nothing Left to Lose" from Tangled the Series and "Open Up Your Eyes" from MLP: The Movie style song between Charlie and Vox. Idea originally from and expanded on in this old post and this old post, but it's essentially Vox being bitter and pessimistic vs Charlie being hopeful and optimistic.

You and Your Chain - A Angel and Husk duet about their complicated relationships with the people who own their souls featuring flashbacks to what their relationships with them were like before things got bad and how they turned sour. It's a split duet aka they aren't actually in the same space (like "Whatever It Takes").

My Hand in Yours - A Niffty song about Alastor reminiscent of "King" by Lauren Aquilina. Basically her singing about how Alastor is struggling with both his injury and his deal and about their relationship.

Soundwaves - A Alastor and Vox split duet about the deterioration of their relationship. Has "Somebody That I Used to Know/Because of You" vibes.

What I Am - A Vaggie song with "I'm Gonna Show You Crazy" by Bebe Rexha vibes. Basically a "fuck you" to her old life and her having a let loose moment.

Welcome! - A group song with Owl City's "Good Time" vibes led by Charlie as the group prepares for the grand reopening of the hotel.

New and Improved - A Sir Pentious song in the style of "I'm Still Here" from Treasure Planet. He sings about how he's always been an outcast and how he finally found acceptance and belonging at the hotel and is missing his friends. Features flashbacks to his human life.

Pretty Playtime Dolly - A Velvette song with "Sit Still, Look Pretty" by Daya vibes about her insecurities being the youngest Overlord and comparing herself to Vox and Valentino.

Had Me at Hello - A dark Vox and Angel split duet inspired by "Tag, You're It" by Melanie Martinez about their relationships with Valentino and how they've been manipulated by him.

Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain - A Vox song with "Dollhouse" by Melanie Martinez vibes. The song focuses on the stress of maintaining his perfect image.

All Bets are Off - A Husk song reminiscent of "Roses" by Poets of the Fall. It's about him regaining faith in himself and that he can be more than what he resigned himself to. He's still not sure if he can be redeemed, but he has hope he can be better. Has hints of HuskerDust.

Silence - A Rosie song with "Listen to Your Heart" by DHT energy. Takes place after Alastor seeks her advice about the situation with Vox. Features Alastor and Vox's relationship from Rosie's perspective from the beginning to the fallout, with Alastor becoming bitter and Vox cutting himself off from all his former friends.

In Your Shadow - A "Waiting in the Wings" from Tangled the Series style song sung by pre-canon Vox. He feels trapped in Alastor's shadow and is uncertain of his own ability and what he really is to Alastor (a friend? a pawn? a source of entertainment?).

[raihanijulie]

[ LEMNISCUS GUIDE BLOG!!! ]

☆Reading until end of blog will be much appreciated!!! (Psst, theres a discord server link i slipped in btw....)

Picture below isnt accurate with tumblr bc this was made for instagram post.

You may be wondering... "What is Lemniscus? Why do you keep mentioning it in your posts?"

TO BEGIN WITH, Lemniscus is one of the planets in this universe with Ribbaniuns the living beings in it! The population of Lemniscus consist the various anthropomorphic animals.

And thats where we begin sharing the story and contents of these characters by the name LEMNISCUS! You could say Lemniscus is a series/project my friends and i worked on together!!! (We took Lemniscus bc we literally only focus on this planet... No else.)

#Lemniscus -> tag used for Lemniscus related posts :3

SEE ALSO: Lemniscus Timeline

Lemniscus doesnt have a main plot honestly. We are just putting in characters in Lemniscus and let them live their life💥

Ah... So then, "Who are the characters? Why do they look like the characters from Sonic series?"

THIS. is a good one to explain and i reallly want you guys to keep in mind with this!!!!

Yes! The Lemniscus cast does look like the characters from Sonic the hedgehog because they do take the design and traits inspiration from them! BUT! The personality, backstories, interractions, lores, all of those... We worked and develop on it ourselves!!! (Theres similiarities still, but its only SLIGHT!!! Theres some differences when compared)

Thats why this is NOT counted as Sonic au, instead, its their own universe and story! The Lemniscus cast are original characters/ocs based on existing character that later we develop so they wont look EXACTLY like the existing char they took inspiration of!

I could say that this universe's origins of making is basically 'based on Sonic'. Throughout time, there are improvisasion little by little as we worked on building chars and stories, making it their own thing :D!! So, again, Lemniscus and Sonic are two different thing... I appreciate yall's understanding. I dont want any miscommunication between Lemniscus and Sonic franchise! <"3

The original characters belong to their respective owners <3 (Keep in mind we are 4 person putting our characters in ONE and worked together in this)

Alright!!! Now INTRODUCE THE CAST/CHARACTERS!

As in the main characters! Here ill list out the characters name with their profile links AND respective owners too! Get to know each of them by clicking their names:

Hz Railstar, Alora Quinn, Victoria Opal, Ezra (JULIE/HANA!!! ME!!! :D HOIHOI!!! I link you guys to my chars' masterpost in tumblr hehe,,, its more detailed!!!)

Gausberto, Nova, Puffin, Xenophone (Hani! NOTE: She doesnt put much infos of her characters, i'll most likely be the one to share the infos through source from her she is my own sister after all Infos about Hani's chars are most likely in the discord server!)

Aero and Noire ( @m3tr0n0m333 )

Rambutan Stoneheart ( @cherriosblog )

.

OH!!! But thats not it!! Theres more infos i'd like to share....

Slowly but surely, we noticed our Lemniscus contents dragged people to start being curious about it, even interested with the series/project we worked! Of course, with a warm welcome, we opened a discord server, ☆LEMNISCUS (Hz Universe), for the little community we have :D!!!

The server is a great place for you to learn more about the characters (bc again, SOME of the Lemniscus cast here are explained alot more in the discord server instead!) and LORESSS obviously! Its even easier and you can keep on track whenever new things are shared by us :)

The characters arent only the ones shown here... In fact, there are more than you think. Yes! Im talkin bout the side characters! Theyre mostly explained and digged alot more in the server soo....

Hop in and join to get more familliar of Lemniscus!! ☆

.

This must conclude the blog. Thank you everyone for the consideration and supports of this little project we worked on! <3 I, the one to start all this fun chaotic universe is very grateful that i'd make it this far by sharing contents of these silli cast, not only me, but by you dedicated supporters and friends that worked alongside me ☆

Live, laugh, burn Hertz!🔥🔥🔥🔥

[class1akids]

hii, so what do you think will happen to Deku?? ive been seeing soo many people on my tl saying that he'll end up quirkless and i know its not supposed to be like that but now idk anymore and with this last chapter i think he may end up quirkless which i hate btw. Anyways, what are your thots on this and where do you think the memory thing is going?

I'm sorry to say, but I've been a "Deku ends up quirkless" again truther for many years. To me, narratively, it just makes sense for the overall set-up of the main question of the manga: "Can I be a hero?" which has kept coming back in the endgame to come full circle.

In this story, we have learnt that all kinds of people can become heroes: people with "villain quirks" (like Shinsou), people with niche quirks (Aizawa, Monoma), people with troublesome quirks (Mirio), people who don't even use their quirks to be heroes (Hatsume). So I don't see how it would be only the MC, who needs specifically the greatest power in existence to be a hero. Deku needs to be able to face his quirkless middle school self and tell him with all confidence that "you can be a hero too".

To me, given how OFA evolved (the multiple quirks, the shortcuts to 100%, the short learning time), it would make sense if Deku's journey is not to be an empty chalice / tool for OFA, but OFA to be the tool for him to discover his own strengths (physical, mental, battle IQ, etc.), learn how to fight and help him to become a hero.

All Might even did the test run for an Armored Hero, mimicking the quirks of Class A and held up against AFO just as well if not better than people with quirks did. That plot is way more fitting for Deku who has actually been relentlessly studying his friends' quirks and with proto-Deku being an actual tech hero.

And on top of it, I think that Deku staying as ridiculously OP as he is would not give him a happy ending. OFA has no reason to exist once AFO (the quirk) is gone for good. Staying so OP would send Izuku down the road of All Might 2.0 - whether he wants to or not - with no life for himself. He's self-sacrificial enough that if he has the power to do everything, he will keep doing it and run to every corner of the world to help. It's isolating and that rat race is not what makes Izuku as a person happy.

He's someone who likes to hang out with his friends, stop to chat with people he saved and make candy apples to make them smile. That's where his true happiness lie imho.

The only question mark I have is because of Bakugou's ridiculous power-up. I've always thought Bakugou and Deku will end up around the same power level in the end (to keep the whole rivals thing going into post-franchise movies). Probably Shouto too, but that's less of a given.

But now, I'm not sure how Horikoshi will balance this. Bakugou is still nowhere near full-power Deku, but Armored Deku I don't think would be a credible rival to 2xAwakened Bakugou. So because of that, I can imagine, Hori will do the typical Hori-thing and won't commit and will go instead for some half-ass solution of nerfing Deku just so (e.g. having him keep Black Whip or have some asspull of the super strength fuse into his DNA, or get a quirk back from Tomura...) and then keep the fandom arguing who is stronger.

For me, the narratively more compelling story is to have Deku wake up quirkless after the big battle, after he saved the world and getting a few chapters of him getting back to his feet, and not a single soul question whether he still belongs to the hero course because of course he does. And then have absolutely everyone help him - to pitch in money to develop his armor and help him train and everyone (and especially Bakugou) treat him as absolute EQUAL and as an inspiration. And then have him graduate from UA as the first ever quirkless hero ever (and go on to work as hero partners with Bakugou probably).

Hori said that he has a lot of stuff he wants to draw after the war, and I think something like this would make sense.

[i-have-dots-in-my-brain]

ayup mates, its me (that one fucking guy that shows up in your fever dreams to offer you garlic bread then fucks off into the void) (i think you need to get a therapist btw)

Call me dots or dot (not correct but when saying something belongs to me you use "dot's". idk why don't ask me)

My cara page (for art): https://cara.app/ihavedotsinmybrain

They/them she/her it/its ( welcome to the mad lab we do experiments with the funny goofy hjinks with the genders here)

TAG GUIDE : my art (self explanatory), dot's thoughts (mad ramblings) (extra note, there are two versions of dot's thoughts, the other one is with the phone version of ' so you can go look for that if you wanna see me posting from outside the comfort of my room and computer), dot’s travel journal (me on holiday), my persona (obviously just my persona) *prone to updates

dumbass who likes to draw ocs and shit. (posts like there is no tomorrow but also like i have all the time in the world) (oc x canon stuff also) (some fanart ig)

if you wanna find my (mostly serious) art, check out @dots-in-my-head (send me asks and dms on this blog) also i have started putting fandom stuff there too so if you want to get my fandom doodles you can look to there as well

still questioning sexuality but currently aro/ace? (idk i'm not in a rush lol) (i WILL dabble in the arts of questioning me sexuality on internet if you got problems with that shoo)

my loveley husband (@octoxxt, pls ignore this blog dude its embarrassing)

why do you need to know my age, ‘you a cop?

will not draw smut or NSFW bcs i will start howling with racous laughter and melt. (i don;t even read smut in fic dude what do expect me to be able to draw im a cartoonish obviously anime style inspired semi-realism but not really shitty doodle artist you put your hopes too high if you think i can draw a dick without making it look like a piece of middle school desk graffiti)

i've got a bit of a dirty mouth but everything is pretty vanilla . (i make edgy dumb jokes sometimes, but it's not my actual personality peace 'n love on planet earth okay) (any time i say i wanna kms IT IS A JOKE) (most of my posts are /srs i will mark it if its a joke i know the pain of not knowing if it was a funny joke or not i gotchu other autistic peeps)

please talk to me god i am lonely (i am serious about this i love it when people rb and scream in the tags it genuinely makes my day) (send me asks send measkssendmeaskssendmeasks—)

Absolute art machine(whether the art is good or not is a big question that i am not ready to answer) makes shitty animations sometimes idk.

Uses lol too much. Chinese, knows mandarin (translate the random messages for maximum brain damage) i don't know simplified but i do know traditional (please talk to me i need to practice my chinese reading skills) am i a furry? idk but if you're mad about it you can fuck right off (i have a couple ocs and my darling fursona)

am currently inbetween fandoms, fandoms i am (kind of) active in are hetalia, scp, dnd, genshin, pjo, bg3, apothecary diaries, jrwi riptide and csm (list is prone to updating because fandom is my support system) (you wont see my art for most of them but the brainworms are there and sometimes i let them take over)

old fandoms or the fandoms i lurk in (i visit them often): eddsworld, demon slayer, pokemon, vocaloid and wof. (also prone to updates as i remember stuff)

note : i am still in school and have a life outside the internet so stuff will be delayed (which is why i am only kind of active) (i go missing sometimes i am not dead life is just lifing for me)

Do not say anything about how cringe I am I know trust me (it’s a coping mechanism lol)

if you're concerned, you're very right to be. I am very incoherent (most of my life updates have actually devolved into cries for help, please talk to me)

also if you don't like my art or ships just leave(any critique about anything i make shoots a bazooka straight into my heart and behind the screen i crumble into a cartoonish pile of ashes and bones as i stare at the screen blurred by tears) (unless I ask for critique then i brought this on myself and i’ll walk it off don't worry)

(Both of my personas)

My flags (might be updated)

[no-m4gic]

Hi there! Can I get the THH girls, more specifically Kirigiri, Fukawa, Celestia, and Mukuro or Junko with a S/O who's the Ultimate Forensic Anthropologist like Temperence Brennan from the TV show Bones? Like, that's such an amazing talent and profession. Finding how someone died, and who they were in life, and even potential suspects from just bones and how they look. I mean Brennan can even find out stuff about living people just by watching how they move or sit cause of how one's bones effect that. Plus it's an amazing skill/talent to have in a killing game

ooo interesting, thanks for requesting muse!

honestly i only know what a anthropologist is... had to research about forensic anthro, so it might be off but i'm learning <3

btw i did lil scenarios- sorry if this isn't what you wanted! i was inspired off some ao3 works

also i know i said no posts but my tuition ended earlier than intended so i decided to complete a random request chosen by ~de wheel~

this is GN S/O btw!

warnings ;; corpses, decomposed bodies and body parts (aka bones), mentions of murder, s/o angst with toko's part, junko executing everyone in her part

keys: r/p/n = random person name s/n = sibling name

~ mod sitaya

KYOKO, TOKO AND JUNKO W/ AN ULTIMATE FORENSIC ANTHROPOLOGIST S/O

(non-despair AU)

Praise // Kyoko + Ult Forensic Anthropologist GN S/O

your current situation was this: you were standing next to one of the top detectives, kyoko kirigiri, was surrounded by a bunch of officers while the skull and several teeth of a human laid in front of you. though right now it was kyoko's turn with the single notepad provided, you were carefully analyzing the remains. suddenly something sparked in your head. pulling out the crumpled picture of the suspected victim, r/p/n, you traced over the shape of his skull with your pen, looking at the one in front of you then the picture. "guys, i've figured it out. these remains belong to r/p/n," you announced, folding the picture neatly into a small square before shoving it into your pocket again. "good job, s/o. now all we have to do is look for r/p/n's killer," kyoko stated, in which you nodded in response. inside, you felt proud and a tad bit excited because the top detective, which you may or may not have been competing with, had just praised you. (bonus points if you have a praise kink)

(despair AU, takes place in UDG, except komaru doesn't exist)

Blood // Toko + Ult Forensic Anthropologist GN S/O

"s-s/o! don't leave me b-behind! there's b-blood a-and dead bodies!" toko fukawa, your partner-in-crime, quickly caught up to you after you'd ditched her to check on a peculiar decomposed corpse. "wait, fukawa. this body has a weird aura to it," you lifted your hand up to a "wait" gesture, squatting down to get a closer inspection of the remains. "s/o! just b-because you're the ultimate forensic a-anthropologist doesn't mean y-you have t-to inspect every s-single body you r-run pass!" toko stuttered angrily out before grabbing the back of your shirt's collar in an attempt to drag you away from the body. "toko! i'm trying to focus, the more you interrupt, the longer i'll take," that wasn't necessarily true since you could focus in almost any environment, especially noisy ones. however that didn't mean you liked to study or do something in noisy and unsuitable environments. toko waited impatiently for you, occasionally turning left, right and behind to see if any ghosts were about to grab her shoulders. "wait. is this..." you started to panic, and grabbed the hand's bone with your own gloved one. "t-this is s/n... this is them, i know it, this... was this..." tears started to well up in your eyes as you squeezed the hand of your sibling. "s-s/o? are you okay? w-what happened?" you couldn't form a sentence, no matter how much you tried, so all you did was shake your head. "s/o..." toko knelt down and pulled you into a tight hug.

(despair AU, takes place in Trigger Happy Havoc)

Looks // Junko + Ult Forensic Anthropologist GN S/O

"you guys have to figure out whom this corpse belongs to, or else... it's punishment time! pupupupu!" monokuma explained, of course ending it off with his signature, evil laugh. you looked around at everyone, them doing the same. you hadn't told anyone in the killing game your ultimate and had lied about being the ultimate toymaker instead. though you were nervous about revealing to everyone you'd lied about your talent, it was an emergency. if you guys didn't find out whose corpse that was, you'd all be punished. quickly making your way to the skeleton, everyone stared at you, clearly confused. after a few minutes of you analyzing and scanning the hard tissue, you suddenly broke the tense silence by announcing your conclusion. "these bones belong to the ultimate pop sensation, sayaka maizono," everyone looked at you, different faces with different expressions, most shocked and confused and some amused. "how did you know s/o?" celeste questioned with a menacingly sweet tone, "i just knew. monokuma, our final guess is sayaka maizono," you made a weak attempt to dodge celeste's, and probably everyone else's question. "bingo! give that student a prize! they've guessed it correctly!" you all jumped at the voice at the door of the assembly hall. it was... junko enoshima? hadn't she been impaled by the spears of gungnir? "yyeeeeaaa... sooooo... since y'know s/o carried this whole trial... you all, but s/o will be executed! it's punishment tiiiiiime!" junko laughed, taking everyone by surprised yet again. "you're the fucking mastermind?!!" mondo screamed, appalled. "of couursee, why wouldn't i be? i'm the smartest, most sexiest, most beautiful person here! would you like those to be your final words?" you couldn't believe what you were seeing or hearing or witnessing. you couldn't even move. was this how... everything was going to end?

i wrote an unequal amount of lines and words for each of them. sorry if the scenarios got a little ooc!

[sitp-recs]

HP Rec Fest, Day 24

Happy Christmas Eve! Today’s prompt surely feels big, I can feel the pressure 🫣 it was hard to come up with something fresh right after posting yet another Christmas rec list but I appreciate that @hprecfest went for a holiday theme, which I reckon doesn’t necessarily need to be Christmas, right? This rec could very well be about the holiday vibes instead: fun trips, hot smut weather, cozy homes, happy friends, freedom to be and to love.

So in that spirit - and mindful of the fact that not everyone celebrates or cares for Christmas, I decided to go for something a bit different here. These two short fics bring me so much joy whenever I revisit them. Not only they were written by two very dear friends of mine (who I’m happy to be celebrating today!) but they fill my heart with warmth and an all-encompassing peaceful feeling of joy and celebration to see my favourite characters just lazing about and being stupidly in love together. Maybe these picks are a bit too subjective (honestly though, when are they not?) but I’m ready to feel seen! If you’re like me and appreciate a good mix of sexy, light and sweet, here are two perfect holiday-themed fics to light up your night ��

Day 24) a holiday fic:

Drarry

The Last Star Falling by @tackytigerfic (M, 1.4k) - implied future Dronarry

A destination wedding, an afterparty, and an unexpected guest. Seamus is getting married, Portugal is hot, and Ron has nowhere to stay for the night.

destination weddings are the superior trope (note to self: make a reclist later) and this hot, vibrant and dreamy ficlet encapsulates the lush summer heat perfectly! between the constant flirting, the evocative church aesthetics and the delicious hints to Dronarry I could almost taste their sweat in my mouth, sultry and tantalizing. like all of Tacky’s fics, all scenes are full of tiny details that pulls me right into the Irish scenery and gives all characters so much personality. I love the playful and curious tone there, never crossing the Dronarry line but definitely toeing it with a sexy ending full of promise. it’s wistful, unpretentious and full of inhibited want as all summer romances should be. btw if you vibe with this triad make sure to check this year’s A Time, Dark and Divine by @moonflower-rose, which was inspired by this fic! ily Tacky 💜

Rare pair

Mischief Managed by @maesterchill (Harry/Sirius, E, 1.7k)

Nothing has been said, nothing solemnly sworn, but they both know what's going to happen. They've known from the minute Sirius suggested this weekend away by the beach.

this is one of my most cherished gifts and it makes me cry and yearn for Sirry every time I revisit it. this this this is what I want for them, to be alive and safe and loved. this might look like an innocent (and deliriously hot) PWP but in fact it slaps me in the face with so many feels my body can’t decide between horny, tender or devastated and if you ever thought no fic under 2k could make you feel this emotional turmoil I’m here to prove you wrong 😂✌🏼to be clear, this is a happy ending story!!!! they’re so happy and in love, finally getting some time away from everything and allowing themselves to enjoy the good life and fuck like rabbits be together after so much longing and anticipation. speaking of which the UST here is unbelievable, I thought I’d combust from the dirty talk alone, but then… hello, the tenderness?? the bathtub scene, the wall sex, Sirius calling Harry ‘pup’??? there’s only so much my body can take and my heart belongs with them in this dreamy getaway house, in this magical summer holiday, forever. ily maester 💜

[thebisexualwreckoning]

Mind analysing your poem a little? 👀

Incredibly long post alert to anyone who plans on reading this

Obligatory transphobes and terfs dni. The following poem is about and written by ‘them gotdamn trannys and queers’ and is about beautiful beautiful t4t sex

i am kissing you. on the mouth.

thank you so much for sending this in i genuinely love talking about my poetry so much muah muah muah!!!

Original poem if anyone wants to read it:

Anyway.

Welcome to Prof A. 's line by line analysis of his poem*. So buckle your seatbelts because this is gonna be loooong ride. Let's get started!

*Disclaimer: you might interpret some of these lines differently then i do and that is perfectly alright. poetry depends on everyone's own lived experience and that does not make any one interpretation less valid. i might have written the poem, but your interpretations are still just as true.

I'm going to start with inspirations and the title first because i love providing backstory and talking about other poets. Very specifically one poet that inspired me to write this actually. You can skip this part if you just want to know about the technical structures and literary devices and specific meanings behind the poem

The title was originally part of a completely different short story/prose poetry  (i hadn't made up my mind yet) thing i was going to write but then never got around to finishing. but i just so happened to be going through my old writing (always keep a handy little notebook on hand. it has saved my life so many times) and find the little snippet i wrote and go, 'wait i actually like this very much' and decide to reuse it for something else.

but anyway, couple hours later im doing a voice of country thing for my literature class and analysing poetry by indigenous and aboriginal Australian poets. and i come across this little poem called 'a portrait of a genderkweer on fire'  by a certain Ellen van Neerven (who belongs to the Mununjali Yugambeh people of south east Queensland btw) (go check out their poetry it is genuinely life changing) and it sticks with me you know. it really does. poc trans people writing about their lived experiences as poetry? why didn't I, a poc trans person, think about that!

(no seriously, in all my years of writing poetry it for some reason never occured to me to write about my people. so genuinely thank you Ellen for that!)

now i've already got a first line ive been wanting to use, i am feeling extremely queer and angry because of unrelated transphobia a friend faced and i have a mechanical pencil and notebook in hand.

So i start writing.

(Apologies for my awful handwriting. i was writing while pacing and waiting for the bus)

Alright, kiddies. As you can see, most of the poem was taken verbatim with very few changes to the actual word choices behind the poem. (I will be doing a deep dive into the language as well, dont you worry)

The biggest change made actually is the switch from prose poetry to a more traditional stanza poem. i made the decision to do this actually because originally the poem was meant to be much longer and incorporate the original piece i decided to rework this into.

The quote 'sometimes i imagine what heaven is like' was meant to be repeated at the start of different stanzas which would be written in prose form, each detailing a different phase of queer love in secret, from secret night time affairs (this specific poem) to escape and loving loudly (the original thing i wrote). however, it didn't really work the way i wanted it too and i decided this was fine as it was and started to edit and play around with it a bit.

i changed 'sometime i imagine what heaven is like' to 'Do you imagine what heaven looks like?' and made it the title of the poem instead of the first sentence. the poem itself now becomes the narrator's idealised image of what heaven would be like for them. i go a bit more on depth about this in point 3 of Changes to the structure

Changes to the structure

As mentioned, the first change was from prose to stanzas. I'm about to get full on literature student about this so bear with me

Each stanza has one (1) extra line from the previous one in the poem. For ex: stanza 1 has 4 lines, stanza 2 has 5 lines, and stanza 3 has 6 lines. this was a deliberate choice i made. not to be too english teacher about this but it shows the narrator is coming to some sort of a revelation soon. (i wont spoil too much about this tho. for reasons)

ENJAMBMENTS!!! if you don't know what an enjambment is, it refers to a line break that interrupts the flow of a sentence: usually the line usually doesn’t end with punctuation, and the thought continues on the next line. now, i heavily fuck with enjambments in poetry. which is why i was so eager to use them over here. they represent a kind of stream of consciences here rather than structured thought. enjamments also help in rising tension and drawing the reader in deeper, making them want to continue reading to find out what happens next.

syntax: now the poem is actually meant to be wish fulfilment of sorts for the narrator, where they imagine all the things they wish they could do with their lover. that's why its not written in present tense using sentences like 'the moon shines' or 'the bedsheet are sweaty...'. The narrator is basically telling the moon to shine through his windows and the bedsheets to be stained and his lover to run a finger down his spine. we don't actually have anything written in present tense till 'She holds me close...'

the random spaced out/missing words a.k.a SYNTAX 2.0! because yes. there are certain words missing. ive intentionally left a space between 'left' and 'tramp' and between 'Boy' and 'fuchsia'. there is also a missing word before 'count'. now, if you read my original version of the poem, you can find out what words are actually supposed to be there, but when i put it into verse form, i found that many of the words id written in prose didnt actually fit. but without them the sentence kind of fell apart. so i decided to leave blank space where those words were supposed to go to signal to the reader that something is missing while not actually needing to mention that

4.5. just like the stanzas growing by a single line in each verse, the missing words also increase in a frequency of one (1), zero of them in stanza 1, a single missing word in stanza 2 and 2 of them in stanza 3.

5. capitalisations and Punctuations to immerse the reader more and help with the stream of consciousness style of the poem, most of the poem is written in lowercase with no punctuation being used throughout the only things capitalised are 'Factory Made Cunt', '... Boy' and 'She holds me...' you may have noticed a common string between these words is they are all related to gender. 'Factory Made Cunt' especially was written to put emphasis on the inherent transness of the character while '... Boy' was capitalised for this and to have more of a visual distinction from the black space that follow. 'She hold me...' however was written to directly contrast the lowercase 'god' and how to the narrator their lover is the divine being instead of any so called god (which is weird because i personally am a religious person).

Language choices and line by line analysis:

'moon shine through the' - moon shine over here is meant to show how queer people often can only exist in the freedom on night time and their love is often only seen within the secrecy of moonlight and not under the brightness of the sun. (also all moon deities are queer icons).

A friend of mine also provided the connection to 'moon shine' being a reference to illegal moonshine (home brewed extremely strong alcohol) and how that itself was a reference to illegally transtioning without the goverment knowing/able to get medical stuff

'window illuminating short bristles of': the narrators lover being a trans girl with a buzz cut was an intentional choice to show that gender expression does not equal actual gender. buzz cuts are traditonally associated with men, but also many butches in the community rock a buzz cut as well and its too show that there's no right way of being trans and presenting as a woman.

'her hair tickling' and 'the underside of my nose': im going at these two together since i don't really have much to say about them separately. it's more meant to be visual imagery, reinforcing the two are intimate in some manner but not really expanding whether it's platonic or romantic yet. its also meant to evoke the image of the narrators lover lying on their chest and but the narrator not caring about the fact that they might be slightly uncomfortable but loves their girl too much to push them away

'bedsheet sweaty and cum': confirming the fact that they are in a sexually intimate relationship and are lying post-coital (i cannot believe i just used the term coital. this has become an academic essay)

'stained entangle around the curve of' - some sensual imagery and tactile imagery

'her thigh where my' - more imagery

'lipstick left        tramps stamps on her' - tramp stamp is a reference to how trans women are often oversexualised and is meant to be a reclamation of their own bodies and sexualities

'Factory Made Cunt' - emphasis is placed on these words by being the first capitalised words in the entire poem as of yet. its meant to kind of condemn the never ending discussion about trans women's bodies and especially their genitals and the hyper sexualization of girlcock by fetishisers (not that there is anything wrong with girlcock. this user loves girlcock and boypussy). its kinda like the narrator is saying 'so what if her pussy is surgically made. how does that make it any lesser)

'           count down the' - once again, not really much to say

'knobs of my spine leaving behind a shivering' - more more sensual imagery

'mess of a Boy    fuchsia bright silicone' - just like how 'Factory Made Cunt' condemned speculation on trans women's bodies, this condemns speculations on those of trans men. it also challenges the assumption that just because you are a man or that you top, you immediately have to be the dominant one in the relationship. 'fuchsia bright' was also a deliberate syntax choice. the silicone is the bright thing here not the fuchsia giving the narrator the chance to have a dick which is bright/illuminated moment for them as a trans boy.

'dick still hard whispering lover' - the 'dick still hard' part was meant to be an ironic comment on how cishetero patriarchal society is always going about people in sapphic relationships using dildos and saying that they should just fuck a real man instead of a fake approximation of one (not that they are that eloquent) but the joke is that while those criticising sapphics who use dildos actually need to wait for a dick to get hard again before they can have sex while the sapphics don't have to worry about that since dildos are always hard. also the 'whispering lover' thing was written completely out of spite to prove the friend with the moonshine interpretation wrong when she said that lover cannot be an appropriate term of endearment and to her credit she has since changed her mind and has been very gracious about it and glad to be immortalised in a poem in this form

'in my ear She holds me close' - more more more sensuous imagery along with auditory imagery of whispering in ears.

'leaving behind no space for god' - a play on the popular phrase 'leave some space for Jesus'

Anyway, this turned out way to big and way to detailed for a simple little analysis but once again, i am a student of literature and this is quite literally my life's passion, made even easier since i have direct access to the writer's brain instead of having to make my own assumptions and spend hours researching.

I hope you enjoy if you or anyone else even bothers to read through considering just how much i actually wrote. but yeah, here's my final literary analysis of my poem Do you imagine what heaven looks like?

[onewmin]

the perfume on the shelf. pt. 10 | bangchan

Pairings: Bang Chan x Fem!reader, Kim Yugyeom x Fem!reader

Summary: Falling in love with your best friend was never a part of the plan. So you end it up. But does he want to put a stop to it, too?

Warnings: AU, Yugyeom is being the voice of reason, the reader and Chan are insufferable (mostly the reader), description of a poor relationship with the parents, mentions of a sexual assault, cursing, the appearance of an ex-girlfriend, an airport cliché, some typos. The narration jumping from the past to the present tense is intentional

Gaeul means ‘autumn’ (just in case :))

Author’s note: hey! I’ve been absent for quite a long time, and couldn’t give you anything better thank this, sorry </3. I wasn’t kidding when I said it was going to get worse, lol. This part is quite long, btw. I’m trying my best to finish this series, that’s why it’s taking me longer than usual to post. I’ll try my best to post a new part either once in two weeks or once a month. Hope you’re still interested in the series. Let me know what you think and thank you for reading <3

Disclaimer: the names and appearances of real people are used for inspiration and writing purposes only. I do not claim anything, everything belongs to its owners.

Part 9 | Part 11

You hated the countryside. Or the idea of staying there with your parents. You didn’t figure that out yet.

To begin with, you absolutely despised the long hours it took you to get to the place. When your parents abruptly decided to change their place of living, moving from their apartment to the semi-detached house in the village four hours away from Seoul (the house that was used solely for summer vacation previously), you were definitely not pleased. With your forever unfinished psychological separation from the family, you knew better than anybody else that you’d have no choice but to come and see them, at least, once a month at the weekend — especially when it happened in summer.

Moreover? Honestly, there were too many things to add to this. For starters, you hated you father’s guts. Despite having been raised as someone who was supposed to respect their elders without a question, you couldn’t but roll your eyes every time he opened his mouth. And when you’d vent to your mom, she… She would be defending her husband’s actions, always. Even when he was in the wrong.

Sitting at the dinner table with them, you silently chewed on your salad, another weird show about politics running as a background. Your parents would throw in the most obscure of their opinions, the ones that made you sick to your stomach — but you wouldn’t dare to say anything. ‘Cause you outgrew the phase of arguing with them, trying to prove them wrong, trying to get through their hatred and prejudices. You were too grown to try and change two almost senior citizens so that they wouldn’t hate everyone who differed from them in any capacity.

Your cat meowed, stretching her paws on the armchair beside you. Whenever you thought about a family, she would be the only creature who came to mind.

“Do you feel like you’ve separated?” You therapist asked.

You shrugged your shoulders. “Sometimes it feels like it. But”, you gulped, “sometimes I would find myself being too engrossed in the family drama”.

She hummed. “That’s what they want from you. To continue being involved. To continue being the only thing that unites them”.

“I’m pretty sure they’d be fine without me”. You huffed. “My mom loves her husband too much to even think about how miserable he makes her life to be”.

“Would you remind me, please, how long they were dating before getting married?”

“Two months”.

“How long had they been living together, just the two of them?”

You scratched your chin. “Ummm… Never, I guess. My grandma lives with them now.”

“Something always unites your parents, and it never seems to be the love they have for each other. It’s either you or your grandmother”. Your therapist took her glasses off and looked you in the eyes. “When one of the elements disappears, or both of them do, they’ll have nothing in common anymore”.

You shook your head back then, and you were shaking it now too. Your parents might have been the worst example of a healthy relationship, however, they both held onto the toxicity. You father did it for the sake of comfort, as you mother had always been the breadwinner of the family — the matriarch, if you will. She provided him with a home, paid for his higher education, paid all the bills while he was not, in fact, bringing home the bacon, quite the opposite, actually; and she never noticed his utterly shitty behavior. Or she chose to ignore his vile habits of breaking your heart, your will, your love for him as a father.

Your mother never cared about it. Ignorance is a blessing, after all.

“We’ll have guests tonight”, your mother said when you were helping her with the dishes. “Don’t lock yourself in your room, please”.

“Who’s going to come?”

A playful smile was shining on her lips. “It’s a surprise”.

You’re let out a deep sigh, not expecting anything good to come out of it. It was either your annoying aunt, who’d preach about you not being married when her daughter, who was your age, was divorced twice and heading towards her third marriage; or it was someone else from your relatives — maybe your father’s creepy elder brother, who used to touch you inappropriately when you were a kid. No, no way it was him — your mother hated his guts too. Too bad she didn’t hate her husband who never cut off his older brother for groping both his child and wife. Too bad.

As you were done with the dishes you left your mom to play with your cat, and went to the back door, to seclude yourself in the patio your parents never used until there were guests. All you wanted was some peace and quiet in this mad house.

You didn’t even have a minute to start another crochet project when your phone buzzed.

“Oh god, Yugyeom, another cat meme?” You mumbled as you opened the app. Fortunately, it wasn’t a meme.

“A little bird told me we’re coming to your family’s country house. Wasn’t my idea”.

You chuckled. “Right. They definitely want to play matchmakers”.

“Great”. He responded. A couple of seconds later another message popped up. “It’s exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend”.

You smiled. “Yeah, me too”.

A couple of weeks passed after Youngjae’s birthday, and since then you and Yugyeom were speaking regularly. Followed each other on the social media again, exchanged your numbers. Although you did regret adding him on Instagram, as he kept on constantly sending you animal videos. Not that it was annoying, it was just… Unusual. You were not used to male attention after Chan.

Oh no, not again. Shut up.

You didn’t allow yourself to drown in the memories of him. It got better, day by day, but it was still an open wound. Even though it wasn’t bleeding anymore. At one point you decided that all the bleeding turned into the infinite pool of tears you cried throughout the whole relationship. Nevertheless, the mere mentioning of him still brought you pain; you thought about talking it out with your therapist but it felt like even she was tired of all this Chan talk.

When you were together, the tiniest thought of him with someone else made your heart ache, as you laid on the floor of your bedroom, tears clouding your vision. The paparazzi taking pictures of him with the singers he worked with, his backup dancers, his acquaintances — all of that, as you scrolled through those photos, almost forced you to break through your rib cage with your fingers with so much ferocity, that you could rip your heart out. Just not to feel any of that pain anymore.

Because he never went out with you publicly. It was only in a group with friends, or you had to wait till the paps took all of the candid photos of him before you could walk out, or you were supposed to pretend to be a stranger, walking past him. You were not interesting to the paparazzi as much as Chan’s idol and actress friends were. You were bland, grey, a simple background noise. Who would ever even consider you dating Chan?

Yeah, right. That would be you in your delusional state of mind.

Time passed quickly and in mere moments the Kims were at the door. Yugyeom was beaming at your parents, bowing to them as you did the same to his. It wasn’t like you hadn’t seen each other for years — you’d greet his parents whenever you met them in the village, and your parents certainly saw Yugyeom in his rare visits. The four of them were still friends — or they appeared to be like that for the sake of the families’ images — only you and Yugyeom were estranged. As you sat down the table, you realized it was the first time in years when both of your families gathered. And it was the first time in years you and Yugyeom were sitting opposite, and not beside each other.

Holding hands under the table, fingers intertwined as your palms were sweating with every gentle touch of his. You had never experienced so much love after Yugyeom. Whatever love Chan had for you was never expressed — it was hidden, as if he were ashamed of those feelings all along. But wasn’t it the truth? Wasn’t it what he said to you?

You shook your head again, earning a concerned look from Yugyeom. You didn’t think he’d understand this crap, shit, no one would. Eunjoo was the first one to tell you the relationship you shared was unhealthy, but, despite you agreeing with her, you never had the strength to leave him. Except for that one time several months ago, that launched all of the vicious bullshit circle that had happened recently.

As all of the dinner went on as a blur, when you answered Yugyeom’s parents’ questions about your job and life almost mechanically, unlike Mr. Kim Yugyeom, who seemed actually delighted to share his news with your parents.

“I can never escape him, right?” The thought leaped through your head. “But do I really want to?”

Your parents conversation swiftly moved to the living room, for them to go on and watch yet another favourite film of theirs; you and Yugyeom were left to do the dishes alone. In silence. Not a word uttered while he was washing the dishes and you were wiping them up.

“D’you wanna go on a bike ride?” He suddenly uttered.

“Yeah”.

Having jumped on your old pink bike, you made your way to the Kim’s house, when Yugyeom rushed to get his one too. Several minutes later you rode through the empty country road; inhaling the smell of freshly-cut yellowish grass and cool autumn wind, you did your best to outrace the man in front of you. And every time you looked at him, slightly turning his head to you to say you were slow, you were reminded of a dark-haired boy whom you’d know since you were ten. He had that smile that felt like a warm summer evening filled with the honey smell of a linden tree. He was funny, his innocent curiosity and love for the world were the first things that made you fall for him long before you knew what love was.

Do you know it now? After all these years, do you know what love is? Is it that gut-wrenching feeling that arose inside whenever you thought of Chan? Is it crying almost every day because you knew he could never love you? Is it going through his ex’s accounts to find something within yourself to alter — only for him to never notice your efforts? Is this love?

Or is it riding your bikes through the night to your place? Is it this lingering feeling whenever he looked your way? Is it feeling comfort whenever he wrapped his arms around you?

Is Chan the love you’ve been craving? Or did you give up on Yugyeom too quick and lost your chance for love forever?

You pulled yourself from the thoughts as the two of you reached the destination — your place, that meadow where you always used to spend time during your relationship. Now the place was forgotten by the two of you, abandoned by the love that used to be in a full bloom.

Yugyeom plopped on the blanket and you carefully sat beside him, pulling your knees to your chest, hugging them and laying your chin down on your knees.

“There are no stars tonight”, he mumbled. A corner of your mouth lifted, but you didn’t respond. To be frank, you had no idea what to say.

Yugyeom sighed. “D’you think I’m boring?”

“What?” You brows knitted.

“Am I boring? Do I give off boring vibes?” He put his hands behind his head and stretched a little.

“Why are you askin’ me?”

“‘Cause you’re the only girl I talk to”, he began, “not romantically, I mean”.

Ouch. Ouch? Bitch, ouch? You’re slightly hurt you’re not romantically linked with your childhood sweetheart?

“So you need advice?”

“Sort of”. He nodded. “I went out with this girl from work a couple of times but she says I’m too boring”.

“Stop talking to her”.

“I like her too much to do it”.

You gave a tight-lipped smile in response, feeling your blood boil for some reason. Why a possibility of Yugyeom having a relationship makes you… dissatisfied? Why does it even bother you?

He, on the other hand, seemed to notice your slight change of demeanor. “You’re okay?”

Having nodded, you kept on staring at the sky. What were you supposed to say? It wasn’t a Minho situation where he’d ask you about Eunjoo and what she liked; it was different. It was Yugyeom, the golden boy who seemed to come down from Heaven, the sweet boy who’d wipe your tears every time your parents made you feel miserable, the perfect boy who slipped through your fingers. Were you really holding onto him after all those years? Was Chan actually right?

“I dunno what to say”, you uttered. “Maybe you should take her to the movies or something”.

“She’s a not a fan of mainstream cinema”, he responded right away.

“Coffee then”.

“She hates it”.

“A walk in the park?”

“She’s allergic to grass”.

You huffed and rolled your eyes. “Is she even real?”

Yugyeom chuckled. “She certainly is”.

“Then I don’t know what to tell you”. You changed your position so that your back would be flat against the blanket. Watching the sky, you continued. “I’m not the person to give you dating advice”.

“Why are you so angry suddenly?”

You sighed. “I’m not”.

Yugyeom hummed. “I just thought”, he resumed, “that we’re sharing our love-life problems with each other. Guess we’re not”.

Of course.

In the past couple of weeks only the dead didn’t hear you moaning about Chan and his sudden departure to Australia. Yugyeom fell a victim to your oversharing as well, and he actually tried to give you some solid advice — like to reconcile with Chris, for example. Reconciliation? Nope.

Yugyeom also suggested you be the first one to apologize, as, in his eyes, that would help both of you to throw the weight off your shoulders. A reasonable idea, right? It never stood a chance, though.

Because, despite you accusing Chan of selfishness and having too much pride to even consider saying a tiny ‘sorry’, you possessed absolutely the same qualities. Same brazen arrogance, same pride boiling your brain every time you wanted to run back to him and make the first move. You would never do that, never in a million years. No matter how much you loved him, Chan was supposed to be the first one to apologize.

“Are you trying to guilt-trip me or something?” You sat on the blanket. “I won’t tell you anything ever again then”.

You got up abruptly and clumsily stumbled on your feet, almost falling down. When Yugyeom tried to help you, you brushed his hands off. “Don’t help me if I bother you that much”.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with you?” You barked. “First you barge into my life which already was a fuckin’ mess, and now you tell me about your love-life? For what? For what exact reason, Yugyeom?”

“You need to know”. He answered calmly.

“Why? What for?”

“‘Cause you need to”. He assured. “You live in delusions, you build your life around them. You live off the idea of a prince who’d come and save you. You need to stop that and live in the reality for once”.

“I don’t-“ You shook your head.

“You do”, Yugyeom insisted. He took a deep breath. “You had the same idea when we were kids, and I was happy to be the one to come and save you. Because I loved you more than anything in this world”. You could feel your eyes getting heavy. “I still do, believe it or not. But I’m not willing to be your savior again. I don’t want to be Chan’s rebound either. I’m trying to move on from… Whatever you and I have. I want the same for you.”

You licked your lips and turned your head away. “That’s why you told me about your little girlfriend?” You muttered in a shaky voice.

You couldn’t see it but Yugyeom clenched his jaw, as he always used to when being extremely annoyed.

“I told you ‘cause you need to see it. You need to realize you have to move on too. ‘Cause Chan won’t magically come back and beg for your forgiveness and you’ll live happily ever after. That’s not how it works”. He drew in a breath again. “And I won’t either. I do love you, still, and I always will, and the fact that”, he gulped, “the fact that you’re still wearing this necklace gives me hope, it does, but… I can’t be both your boyfriend and therapist, like I used to. You have to work on yourself on your own. Neither I, nor Chan will fix it for you. You need to realize you have to take the first step. Not him or me. You”.

Maybe what you needed was brutal honesty. Perhaps Yugyeom chose the right tactic — to befriend you and then put your face in the mud. Because you needed that. Because, no matter how much therapy sessions you had, the main issue still wasn’t fixed. You were keen on waiting for someone to come and help you, when you should’ve been the one to help yourself. Yes, you have always been a people pleaser, but can’t people pleasers be selfish too? Can’t they have their little pride bloom inside their chests?

“Guess you’re right”.

“I always am”.

You let out a deep sigh and sat back on the blanket, your head resting on Yugyeom’s shoulder. “I’m sorry”.

“Don’t be”, he answered softly, “I get it”.

“I just…” A sudden choking feeling seemed to squeeze your throat. “I don’t know what to do”. Your last words came out as a whisper.

“You do”, he said, “I just gave you a manual”. You let out a breathy laugh.

“I’m being serious, Yugyeom”.

“Me too”. He turned his head to face yours, as you rested your head on your knees now. In the dark of the night his angelic features seemed to have a slight addition of devilishness to them. And then it hit you like a sudden snowball thrown at someone does. You don’t know him. You know the boy you grew up with, the guy you used to love. You have no idea who the man that’s sitting right in front of you is. He seems nice, has a way with words, and he does resemble somebody you would call the ‘love of your life’. He isn’t the same boy anymore. As well as you are not the same girl. As well as Chan is not the guy your brain thought him to be.

He’s imperfect, stupid. He has no clue of what love is, he’s never had a sweet affection shown to him because he never stayed to get it. It’s not the responsibility that he runs away from, it’s affection. It’s pure adoration that makes him fall out of love with every person that ever experienced those feelings towards him. You can’t change him. And you don’t need to.

The only thing you need to do is make the first step. Push your pride far up your ass, collect yourself, forget the cruel words he ever said to you. Perhaps, then you won’t have to hate him to fall out of love. Perhaps, the two of you will have a chance to start over. But it’s you who needs to make the first move, you, who has to save whatever’s left between the two of you. You, because Chan’s too scared to do it.

“Can you get me out of here?”

Yugyeom smiled. “Of course”.

Chan’s plane was about to take off in six hours. “Maybe I’ll convince him to stay”, you thought, while pressing your bike’s pedals as fast as you could. Yugyeom has always had a way with your parents so he’ll convince them he has to take you back to the city. Your cat will stay with them when you’re gone, and, while kissing her between her big ears, you promised to come back tomorrow afternoon.

“Where’s your car?” Yugyeom asked when the two of you settled in your seats.

“Parking lot”, you mumbled, “mom and dad insisted on picking me and Gaeul”.

Yugyeom chuckled. “They really like your cat”.

You responded with a smile. “Is there a story behind her name?”

“Do you wanna talk to me that bad?”

“I have to drive to the airport for four hours to help the girl that I love get back with her ex, do you really-“

“Jeez, chill!” You raised your hands. “What about that work crush of yours?”

“That’s the whole point”, he crooned, “I help you, you help me”.

“I thought you were doing this out of the kindness of your heart”.

“Oh no, quoting Mr. Martins now? Do you know how far up my ass he got when he came back to Columbia University?” Yugyeom whined. “Literature wasn’t even my major, I only took it because of you”.

“Stop, I get it”, you flipped your hair, “I’m irresistible”.

Yugyeom laughed and you followed his lead. That’s what felt like home, like a safe space. Someplace where you didn’t need to prove the worthiness of yourself. Someplace where you were loved just ‘cause you existed. The purest form of love it was, the feeling you had never felt after him.

“See”, he continued, “we can be friends”.

“We’re not friends”.

Yugyeom raised an eyebrow as a response to your sentence. “I don’t know you yet, and you don’t know me. We need to get to know each other”.

He smiled again and nodded, a sudden rosy colour creeping up his ears. “Guess you’re right”.

“I always am”.

“So then”, Yugyeom didn’t seem to stop talking at all, “tell me the story behind your cat’s name”.

“They’re not much to tell”, you affirmed him, “it’s as easy as it seems. I found her on the street on a cool, rainy evening. It happened in autumn, so that’s the whole idea to her name. Oh, and she was the dirtiest kitten I’ve ever seen”.

Yugyeom hummed. “I thought, as a writer, you had better imagination”.

“Oh my god”, you cursed, “shut up!”

The road to the airport went on without a moment of silence, as you and Yugyeom kept on talking about everything. He told you about his job in New York, his past relationships, new friends and a golden retriever he adopted with his ex-girlfriend.

“So she took the custody of the dog?” You couldn’t believe your ears.

“She was quite adamant about the dog staying with her”, Yugyeom took a turn, as the two of you were twenty minutes away from the airport. “I couldn’t do anything about it”.

“Sometimes I feel like everyone around me is too smart”, you mumbled. A line appeared between his brows as you continued. “Why say ‘adamant’ when you can just say… Something like, ‘She was a bitch’ or whatever?”

Yugyeom chortled at your words. “Don’t act like an idiot. The fact that you gave up writing doesn’t give you the right to play dumb”.

You hesitated to respond. On the one hand, you didn’t play dumb, you just didn’t enjoy overcomplicating your speech. On the other hand, though… Yugyeom could be right. You used not to care about using simple words in your every day conversation when your dream still sounded like a possible reality. To be fair, you hadn’t noticed such small details about yourself before Yugyeom pointed them out.

“Stop lecturing me”. You murmured.

“Don’t think I can”, he continued. “You can lecture me too, y’know”.

“Oh, just give me a reason”.

The last ten minutes were blessed by the long-awaited silence, while you scratched your neck and kept on biting your nails. The relatively fresh manicure was ripped off from some of your nails, making them look like a shit show. You could’ve sworn Yugyeom heard the hopeless thumping of your heart.

“You didn’t have to drive here”, you said quietly when he stopped at the airport’s parking lot. “You didn’t have to do this for me”.

“I think I had to”, he answered and turned his head to face you. “I want you to be happy, that’s all”.

You sighed. Your leg was shaking violently as you watched the entrance and checked the time. “Maybe I should wait inside”. Yugyeom nodded. Before you opened the car door, something prompted you to look at him again. “Thanks for driving me here. I got it now”.

Yugyeom shook his head. “I’m not leaving until this…whole thing is resolved. Don’t even start with me”, he stopped you before you could chime in with your piece of mind, “I’ll wait for you here. Don’t wanna go home anyways”.

“Thank you, Yugyeom”.

Five minutes later you were in the waiting lounge. You took the phone from your pocket — it was almost 2 A.M. — and texted Minho, while your fingers were shaking. “He won’t like me being here”, you thought as the message was sent, “I promised him and Eunjoo I wouldn’t do anything like that”.

Minho didn’t tell you about Chan much: you assured you didn’t need to know his whereabouts. However, you did know that Lee Know would come and say goodbye to his best friend before his departure. “No, he’ll kill me. I swore I wouldn’t, shit, why am I even here? What’s the point? What if Chan doesn’t want to see me? Shit, shit, shit”. You were pacing around the waiting room with the few people were waiting for their respective flights there. Everyone was quiet but you.

A flight to Melbourne was about to take off at 4 o’clock in the morning.

Lee Know wasn’t responding. You pressed the phone to you chest as you leg was shaking uncontrollably again. “He’ll be here, right? Or did he change his mind? What if decided to stay? God, I hope he did”.

As the check-in for the flight was announced, the previously quiet hall got filled with camera clicks and loud voices. Paparazzi. A group of girls almost swooped you off of your feet as they sprinted towards the source of noise. You noticed the posters and pictures, and your heartbeat became so loud you could hear it inside your head. Chan was here.

You could see his bodyguards, Han, who was telling the paparazzi off for invading Chan’s privacy, and… You caught the glimpse of him. His curly hair was fuzzy due to the probable lack of care for it, but his dimples were at a full display. And before you could break through the photographers and a few of his fangirls, you saw somebody else. Someone with a long blonde hair, mesmerizing hazel eyes — as he sang in some of his songs — a tight grey tracksuit and a hand, intertwined with his. Kang Micha. Chan’s ex-girlfriend.

They both exchanged a couple of words with each other before Chan confirmed their relationship to one of the paparazzi. Your poor heart found it too horrifying to handle as it fell to your feet and scattered to even smaller pieces. Now it was impossible to fix. Your worst fear, the one that had been following you since the moment you and Chan started your mistakenship, came true. This play you watched from afar was a legitimate proof that Micha was the only woman on his mind. You were right. You were right. She was the only woman he had ever loved, she was the only woman he thought about while making love to you. It was always her. Her, her and only her.

You fought back the tears with as much effort as you could. Now you didn’t want him to notice you; and as Chan moved to the check-in desk, you ran to the exit, just to cry it out, just to leave before he saw you. You didn’t need to feel even more humiliated than at the moment.

As you got outside, somebody suddenly grabbed your hand. And before you could even shake the stranger’s grip off, you heard, “What the hell are you doing here?”

One look at Minho’s displeased face gave it off — he wasn’t quite happy about it either. “I-I-“, you stuttered. “I don’t really know now. I thought I could… We could… But it doesn’t matter now, right?” You gave him a half-smile, and it took everything from you not to let it turn into a full-blown howling.

Minho shook his head and pulled you in for a quick hug. “I told you not to come”, he whispered when he let you out of his grip. “Wait for me here and I’ll drive you home-“

“No need to”, you stated, “I already have a driver. See you later, Minho”. Before he could utter another word, you moved to Yugyeom’s car; he was already outside, waiting at the passenger’s door. Good he didn’t leave.

A cool autumn morning turned into a freezing one in a spin of a moment. The hope you carefully kept in your heart disappeared, having packed her bags in mere seconds. There was no more hope left in you, no love, nothing. The only thing you wanted was to curl up beside your cat and drown yourself in the flood of tears. And Yugyeom seemed to understand your desire, as he started the car and drove from the parking lot without asking any questions.

Minho watched as the car left his sight, and having taken a deep breath, came back inside the building. Chan had just finished his flight registration and was ready to go to the departures.

“Where you’ve been?” He asked when Lee Know approached him. “We’re ready to go”.

Minho nodded and gave his best friend a tight hug; the first time they would be apart for the longest time finally approached them. Minho truly loved Chan, no matter how dumb he was sometimes. However, the love drama he got himself dragged into left him uneasy — so he couldn’t not fuck with Chan’s conscience (or whatever was left of it) one last time before he left.

“She was here”, he said quietly while Micha was busy talking on the phone. Chan’s eyes widened, and his whole face seemed to lit up at the mere mention of her name.

“Where’s she?” His eyes were scanning the airport in desperate attempts to land on her face.

“Was here”. Minho responded firmly. “She saw you and Micha and left”. Chan let out a deep breath. “Don’t regret… Don’t come to regret whatever this is, Chan. I’m not an expert in love, but”, Lee Know tapped his best friend’s shoulder, “but I think that it’ll come back to both of you if it’s meant to be”.

Chris sniffed and rubbed his slightly red eyes. “Don’t lecture me, I get it”.

“Don’t think you do”. Minho detected. “It’s good if you let each other go, even for a while. ‘Cause I’m honestly tired of all this drama, man”.

Chan plastered a smile of his face. “Say ‘hi’ to Eunjoo from me”.

“I’ll say it to both of them”.

Taglist:

@heylookwhoitis @amaranth-writing @itstorimf @tenshimara @whyyougottadothatbro

The story’s masterlist <3

[artblock-tm]

I unfortunately lack the time right now to go through the list, so use this as an excuse to answer any of the OC questions you want. If none in particular, answer every single one.

(cracks knuckles) Here we go :)

This is the OC ask list, by the way!

I’m gonna answer them all so…. Be prepared.

And, Doll and Grace, if you’re reading this since you got pinged, hi. Forgive me, there’s a lot of text under this cut.

Doll, you were mentioned because I discussed shipping OCs.

Grace, you were mentioned because I wanted to share your Sketch design with the world.

Love ya. Sorry. Let’s get on with it.

Your Oldest OC:

That title would probably have to go to Rynne! I’ve had her for several years now, and she originated as a cringe sona-but-not-it’s-like-me-but-a-sadist-with-a-scythe sorta characters. Gosh, she’s so old, I have no relevant art to show of her!

Your Newest OC:

It’s been a while since I’ve developed a truly new OC…so it’d have to be Drisco and Castarian. They debuted in the mind at the same day, but Castarian made an appearance later so technically he’s the newest!

Favorite OC:

I don’t have an overall favorite… but I do pick and choose favorites from each story I have. A couple of my favorites include Maroon, Jay, Switch, Dislan, and Rynne.

Any Villain OCs?

Go read Masked.

Plenty! Outlander, of course, but we can’t forget Dhá-Aghaidh, Jynx, or Dr. Kruger, now can we?

Main Reason For Making OCs:

Mostly for story reasons that spawn. However, I do have fandom OCs, (and some of them happen to be the most well-known!) but I will inevitably end up working them into a story. OCs spawning from roleplay is a rare sight, and it’s only happened once… believe it or not, that’s how Karmin came into existence!

Describe Your Character Creation Process:

Step 1: Concept for a silly guy comes into my brain.

Step 2: Come up with a basic design for them to be changed later.

Step 3: Inflict soul-crushing pain.

Step 4: Have so much fun inflicting pain that I have to remind myself that it’s supposed to be a story. Suffer without coming up with actual story elements.

Step 5: Receive divine inspiration and everything comes together and I’m so fucking back baby.

Repeat Steps 5 and 6 until done.

Fav OC Ship:

Castarian and Drisco. They’re not a couple, but they have feelings for each other. They each blame each other for their deaths and refuse to see the other’s way. They separated themselves and feel the crushing loneliness l, but when they’re together they can’t stop arguing.

Drisco wants nothing more than to HURT Castarian, but only HE can hurt him, no one else, since he is the only person Castarian has wronged.

Castarian hates Drisco’s facades, violence, and methods, but those are what helped him in life. Drisco holds the power to make Castarian feel good about himself… and he’s dependent on that.

Do You Ship Your OCs With Someone Else’s OCs:

For everyone else who doesn’t know, my OC Jaide gets to be in a doomed yuri with Sky (the asker’s OC!! Hi Marci <3)

But I do have quite a few characters shipped with those belonging to @corrupted-tale. Like my OC Dislan and her OC Pix. And my Narrator with her Lady Luck.

Weirdest OC:

I’d have to say Bi Solomon earns that title. He’s a fascist furry who reinvented capitalism in a post-apocalyptic world. (And by furry I do mean he’s a Creature btw).

Favorite OC Design:

I REFUSE to let that achievement go to Drisco so Night! ILY Night!!!! You’re so cool and gender and badass!!

Not the greatest picture of it, since it actually has 4 arms and a cool-ass sickle… but oh well.

Would You Consider Yourself Nice To Your OCs:

Go read Masked.

Haha, not at all. They all suffer underneath my thumb, no matter how beloved they are :)

An OC You’ve Killed:

The easy answer are OCs like Jaide, Levi, Drisco, and Castarian, since they’re ghosts and that’s their whole gimmick.

It’s actually rare for me to kill off OCs and leave them forever, since I feel like they die before their potential is fulfilled. But the previously mentioned fascist furry Solomon dies (good riddance), and I have a pantheon of gods that get slaughtered in a different story!

Are Any Of Your OCs Parents:

Go Read Ma

Besides Jaide, I do have some others! I have a royal family group of OCs, with King Leonard and Queen Beatrice being parents to a chaotic group of kids.

Dr. Kruger, while not physically being a dad, is burdened with being a single father as punishment for being too William Afton core.

Are There Any OCs You Find Yourself Neglecting:

Each OC has gotten their time in the spotlight, but I haven’t developed all of the characters from that royal family. And I have waning interest if the cast of Ora and the Rift in Time…

There are concept OCs I neglect since I dunno what to do with them. Like Brittlebrine. He started off as a cool concept for exactly one day and then I never thought about him again. And I’m still conflicted on Devon…..

An OC that’s difficult to write/draw/rp:

Vipsi’s hard to write, despite having little screentime. She lost her mind, but I don’t entirely know how to write insanity arcs. Not to mention that I didn’t really know how their story should go…

My entire godly pantheon is difficult for me to draw (except for Lux, since I’ve had her design figured out). I don’t have finalized designs for some of the less important gods, but the design ideas are difficult…

Out of the few OCs I’ve roleplayed, Karmin has been the most difficult (which is ironic, considering she originated from one). I have to actively consider what is going on in her brain and how to present it in a good way. But it’s okay since she’s only ever been in two rps ever.

Your Tallest & Shortest OCs:

My shortest is probably Gemi! He’s less than 4 feet tall. Truly a little guy.

And my eldritch being OCs are the tallest. In their most incomprehensible forms, they’re about 40-70 feet tall? It fluctuates, since they’re impossible to comprehend. But they’re very large.

Your Oldest and Youngest OCs:

As much as I’d like to say my youngest is Levi, he was born 500 years before Masked present! That means that Ora is likely my youngest, being 7 or 8.

Just like with height, my eldritch being OCs take the cake for being the oldest. They’re all billions of years old, except for Thirio and Tsumi. Epithymia is the oldest of them all, but if Nova were still alive, he would’ve won the crown.

Do You Dislike Any Of Your OCs?

Mr. Bi Solomon deserved that bullet to the brain. See you in hell, you corporate motherfucker.

Have You Ever Made A Self-Insert?

Oh yeah. My sona Doodle doubles as a self-insert when I don’t want to make an entirely new character with a flat personality since they’re based on me.

Branching off of Doodle thanks to some sort of evolution is a self-insert named Sketch. Sketch is what happens when I want to ship myself with characters, but they will be the star of the SPM fic I have planned!

Here is the current design for them, made by the lovely @gracebeth3604! (Cropped to avoid spoilers </3)

An OC Regret:

I have OCs that spawned from ideas that I didn’t fully know how to handle well, or problematic media. They were all from when I was younger, though, so all is forgiven and those OCs have been sent to the fiery oblivion.

Weeeelp that’s all of it! If you’ve read this all, I’m super impressed! Thank you so much, but you’re gonna forget all this. I hope it was worth it to you! ❤️

[colorisbyshe]

what are your favorite albums of all time? choose as many as you want idek

Oh, is this inspired by my "details" post? Hmm, okay, let's try this:

"Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV, Vol. 1" by Coheed and Cambria. It's a concept album and I could not tell you the fucking concept outside of like... misogyny and violence. AND YET... it has stood the test of time. The guitar on every song FUCKS. Interesting vocal tone. Experimental and nonsensical FUN rock music.

"Europop" by Eiffel 65. The blue da ba dee album. The rest of it is really fucking good pop electronica. Or it's just so nostalgic to me I can't see how generic it is. IDC, the synth goes oFF without being too high energy.

"Details" by Frou Frou, obviously. Similarly, "Speak For Yourself" by Imogen Heap. While these albums don't contain my FAVORITE songs involving Imogen, they are my fave collections of her work. Music that feels like nostalgia--like guzzling a sparkling potion that bubbles inside you and pushes your sadness and fears and LOVE from your heart into your pores. Pop music for people who care about storytelling, lyrics, and true emotional connection.

"Multitude" by Stromae. Another, "Idk if fmy fave songs are on this album, but the project on the whole is the best one." Diverse sound, brilliant execution every time.

"Heart Station" by Utada Hikaru. Choosing a favorite Utada piece is hard but I think this has the tightest collection of tracks? Similar appeal to Imogen, though the musical influences are ethereal in a different way.

"Las Ruinas" by Rico Nasty. It's hard to even describe this album but I like how Rico keeps pushing new boundaries. I do like the dancier tracks here.

"Alive 2007" by Daft Punk.If you know Daft Punk, this is essentially a megamix of some of their best songs.

"Coloris" by She. Chiptune, electronica, idk how to describe this album. Feels like your brain is being carbonated.

"Renaissance by Beyonce." Sorry, such a generic answer I feel but... she did it. She put all her power into a dance album with diverse sound, making it all accessible without being watered down.

"Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge" by MCR because duh.

"Commit this to Memory" by Motion City Soundtrack. If you were an emo kid and wanted to kill yourself in the mid 2000s, you know this album. Even if it Kills Me is a close second, btw. Or My Dinosaur Life. I love a lot of MCS tbh. It's emo... pop rock, not surprising for me.

"eMOTIVe" by A Perfect Circle. It's alt rock. It's anti-war and depressing. "Passive" was playing in my head 24/7; I'd mentally turn it into an AMV every single day fo my life for like a year. I wrote a poem about it. "Thirteenth Step" is a very close second.

Technically, it should be "Hold Your Colour" by Pendulum, since it got me into Drum & Bass but I prefer the rockier depths of "Immersion."

"The Happy Star" Lexie Liu. Experimental pop music that reinvents itself each track, sampling from different genres. I just find it really enjoyable and keep returning to it. Might be recency bias.

"333" by Tinashe. An album tht contains the whole human experience--sadness to horniness. Good for her. You can dacne AND cry? Good for you.

"Remember that You Will Die" by Polyphia. Largely instrumental... prog rock meets trap meets electronica?

Choosing a one direction album feels like being threatened at gun point so I won't. Just know they belong here.

"Making Mirrors" by Gotye. People mock him for disappearing after someone that i used to know BUT DID YOU STREAM THE ALBUM?? Jazzy at times, rocky at times, psychedelic at times, BUT DID YOU LSITEN????

The Sims (Original Soundtrack). If you don't get it, I'm not explaining. Kill yourself.

"Perfect Velvet" by Red Velvet. I do think this album is the best kpop has to offer and I'm not fucking joking. I think SM put so much of their pussy in this track, it made their downfall years later inevitable. SM music is so sketchy now because the entir ecompany sold their souls (and pussies, bussies, and extraneous holes) for this album. "I Just" and "Kingdom Come" alone are like... god tier. R&B by a kpop group done CORRECTLY.

"Reborn" by Kavinsky. Feels like alternate timeline Daft Punk, including the The Weeknd knock off track. I couldn't... not love it.

Foster the People's "Supermodel." This alt-rock album got to me when I was profoudnly mentally ill in college and never let me go.

"Season of Poison" by Shiny Toy Guns. I love their first album just as much, tbh, but the anger feels like it's aged better. This album feels like a God's retribution. It feels a religious experience, including all the scary kinds.

"What's Your PLeasure?" by Jessie Ware. Disco-y pop. Sensual. Slick. Longing.

"1 of 1" by Shinee. CHoosing a Shinee album was HARD. Incredible kpop. If you want SIIIINGERS, COME HERE LISTEN OT THEMMM.

and if I didn't want Brendon Urie dead it would be a fever you can't sweat out btu I literally can' tlisten to his voice without my stomache hurting so

I'm probably missing a bunch but these are the first to come ot mind while quickly scrollin thru my phone

feel free to ask me my fave tracks off the album or by these artists

[wanderinginksplot]

Thank you for tagging me, Iris! (btw, I really appreciate the way you want your writing to be interpreted by the reader. It's refreshing!)

Story: Refuge

Main Character: Reader (most of my fics are reader-insert, tbh)

Fandom: Star Wars: Republic Commando, Star Wars: The Clone Wars

What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it? The main lesson is using your strengths to achieve goals, even if those strengths don't obviously fit. I grew up in a rural area, so I have knowledge and skills that aren't shared by people who grew up in urban areas. I wanted to see how that would fit into a fic setting.

What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)? Voubos can be whatever the reader wants, but in my head, it's inspired by a few real-life things. Voubos is a heavily forested place, similar to forests of the northwestern US. The culture is inspired by my Polish family members and the traditions they passed down.

What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person? The MC is trying to figure out where she belongs. I think that's something we all want. If I can help one person feel like they aren't struggling alone, the entire story is worth it.

How many chapters is your story going to have? Your guess is as good as mine! I'm very bad at judging how long a story will be. I have at least 15 chapters plotted, though it's taking me forever to write them.

Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it? Definitely fanfiction! Refuge is posted here and on AO3.

When and why did you start writing? I started writing Refuge in January of 2022 to answer a fic prompt, then got obsessed with the story I had started. My focus has been on other things, so I've only been able to work on Refuge sporadically, but I hope to start updating more regularly soon!

Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow? My advice to fellow writers is the same advice I'm struggling to take, so apologies for the hypocrisy: Step back when you need to. Very few of us are paid for the writing we do, and it's okay to take a break when you get overwhelmed or burnt out. Let yourself rest. The ideas will always be there.

Tagging some of the most talented writers I know and am lucky enough to follow! I apologize if you were already tagged, and this is obviously no pressure: @madameminor @rain-on-kamino @ciramaris @just-some-girl-92 @stargazingthenightaway @uponrightful

I would love to see answers from other writers as well! Feel free to tag yourself and tell us about what you're working on!

Writers of Tumblr, I have an ask game for you all!

Please reblog and answer these questions, maybe tag others too! My asks are also open for them.

What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?

What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

How many chapters is your story going to have?

Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

When and why did you start writing?

Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?

[snorlax891]

Inspired by @moon-spirit-yue‘s Omegaverse AU fic and posts. Charanya is an OC that belongs to @moon-spirit-yue, used lovingly with permission. :P Namaari: *casually chilling in her room, deep in her Sapphic Yearning as she paces and stares out the windows* I miss Raya. I wish I had some part of her I could carry with me, or at least hear her voice from time to time. At least something, some small, tiny, insignificant sign that tells me she’s alive and fairing well, not turned to stone out there in some backwater where no one will ever find her. *sigh* Raya: *from a distance* YEET!! Namaari: What the- *gets knocked over as some small object flies through the window, and barrels in to her, managing to catch it* What the...  *infantile giggles* Namaari: *pries the thing off her, coming face to face with a baby* ...What the fuck? Baby: *giggling and clapping her hands* Namaari: ...What the fuck? *sees she’s got a note pinned to her clothes, and plucks it off and reads it. “She’s your problem now. Have fun, and next time, wear a condom when you’re with an Omega in heat, you dumbass. Didn’t your Sire teach you this shit? Lolololololololol.  P.S.: You’re a binturi, and her name is, Agony, cuz that’s what she caused me when I had to forcibly eject her from my uterus, and the fact that I have to think of you every time I look at her.”  Namaari: ...*suddenly feels a stabbing pain in her gut, and looks down to see she’s been stabbed* What the fuck!? *looks at the note again*  “P.S.S.: Careful. She’s got a knife and she’s stab happy. You can thank Aunt Rayna for that...BTW Charayna says hi. Lolololololol.”  Agony: *more happy giggles as Namaari bleeds on the floor, confused, in pain and questioning every decision of her life that’s led her to this moment*  Namaari: WHAT THE FUCK!? *passes out*

[sitaarein]

Desi rep

okay so this is partly inspired because of a whole bunch of incredibly, incredibly dumb asks my friend has gotten but it is ALSO, more importantly, because I am sick of the shit I have seen so here, have a not very concise post about what to do and what to avoid if you are writing desi rep (this can also be applied outside of writing I guess??)

If you give a character an Indian name and call it a day, I will actually come and murder you. For starters, India has a whole CULTURE that you have very much decided to ignore and that. is. not. okay. If you can give your white characters all the attention and details and research in the world, you can do the same for your desi characters. Secondly, the word “desi” is used to describe so much more than simply Indian. Wanna know which countries qualify as desi? India, Nepal, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Bhutan, Sri Lanka, and the Maldives. Don’t you even dare assume desi=indian and leave it at that.    

This point ties into what I just said about desi people. Please, I am actually begging you, include more than Indian characters if you want to include south asia in your writing. I am Pakistani and I am so so sick of my identity being erased wherever I look. NOT that I have anything against India or Indians. It is simply the ignorance of people assuming the whole of South Asia is simply India that is supremely horrible to see

 This is based off of personal experience. People actually think that either a) India isn’t a part of Asia or b) there are no countries in South Asia aside from India or c) both of those incredibly ignorant views. And all I can say is: what. the. fuck. Do not do that. Indians are Asians. Pakistanis are Asians. Nepalis are Asians. Bengalis are Asians. Bhutanese are Asians. Sri Lankans are Asians. Maldivians are Asians. If you do not think so, then that is actually just racist of you. Don’t talk to me until you’ve looked at a map.

Another personal point that just.. hurts. Do you know what the Muslim population of the Indian subcontinent is? (The Indian subcontinent is made up of all the countries mentioned above) The answer is: around 600 million. Out of 1.7 billion people, 600 million of them are Muslims. Put into perspective, its not a lot. But the Muslims have a whole separate identity. A separate culture. The whole reason Pakistan even came into existence is because the Muslims of the subcontinent were so fundamentally different. So if you have a desi based country or continent, please, please take a moment to think about the different cultures. 

The above point, but apply it to Sikhs and Brahmins and the numerous identities I do not even know of. They’re all unique. Look them up. Don’t just call a stereotyped culture “Indian” and leave it there.

Speaking of culture: Just. Do your bloody research. Each of the countries in the Indian subcontinent have different national languages, and then INSIDE the country there are multiple dialects based on areas and tribes. Going to take Pakistan as an example: Our national language is Urdu, but the language most commonly spoken by far is Punjabi. So the average Pakistani you meet is almost definitely bilingual, and if they have had an english education, they are almost definitely trilingual. Same goes for all the other countries, I’m sure

Speaking of culture, part 2: there is literally too much to talk about for me to cover it all in one post, so I’m just gonna say: all desi countries are very different to each other, and inside the countries the various provinces are incredibly different. In addition to the changes in language, you’ll also get different staple dishes (even though most the food of the Indian subcontinent are the same in every country, you get some kind of twist that is always uniquely of that country or region or province’s), different folk tales, different poetry and literature, different icons and heroes- the list goes on. So, once more: Do your research.   

I mentioned food briefly in the point above which reminded me of something else: I resent the fact that food that is pretty much native to the whole subcontinent is simply called... Indian. Once again, this is absolutely NOT out of hate for India, it is because that is such a generalization.  Its because by calling it Indian you are effectively dismissing 5 other countries who eat and cook the same food because it belongs to them just as much as it does to the Indians. If you want a general name, call it desi food. 

this point is... less serious than the others, its just something I find fun and could use more of in media. Desi people are obsessed with sports. Like, obsessed. Some of us pretty much breathe cricket. I just think its an interesting fact and pretty much a part of culture at this point, so I’d like to see the stereotypical desi uncle who wouldn’t miss a match for the life of him every once in a while

Back to seriousness. If you even bloody imply that your desi character is violent, I will duct tape you to a chair and make you watch dramatic pakistani dramas on repeat (it won’t be fun, trust me). I have had it with South Asia being portrayed as a terrorist hub. Do not even think of conforming to such a stereotype. I will literally hunt you down and make sure you never, ever even think of doing so ever again. 

Also: If you bloody dare imply that we are, in any way, backward, I will once more carry out the above punishments. Stop. Just stop.

Oh man, talk about the history of the Indian subcontinent. Talk about the heritage. Have you like... seen the architecture????? There’s more than just the Taj Mahal here my dudes. Forget all the “dangerous countries” bullshit. Focus on the brilliance of, well, everything, instead. 

Oh oh speaking of: Have you guys heard of mohenjo daro?? Look it up. There’s some fantasy/mystery potential there. Use it for whatever, it would make my day

Time to talk about geography. So first off: Mountains. So many amazing mountains. Both Everest and K-2 (the tallest and second tallest) are located here. The Himalayas are located here. Pretty amazing, eh? Second off: Deserts. Do you know how many mineral riches are hidden in those? Its amazing. Third off: Rivers. Oh man the rivers. Did you know the Indus river is full of blind dolphins native to the Indus river only? Did you know they’re very very endangered? Find some funds for them while you’re looking up info about them, btw. Also another sea animal native to South Asia which has pretty much been driven out of Pakistan and Myanmar: the gharial. look them up too, seriously. That would be great. Fourth off: The plains. Do you have any idea how fertile our soil is? Because. Its insane. And there’s so much more about the geography and topography of the Indian subcontinent, guys. Look it all up. I’m so sick of vague desert land descriptions for the Indian subcontinent.

Religion. Now this overlaps with culture a lot, since quite a few people choose to define their religion as their culture, but we’re still touching upon it. This is pretty vague, but there are definitely at least over seven. Each comes with its entirely unique practices. Do not even try having a desi character who is Sikh but knows nothing about Sikhism, or Muslim but knows nothing about Islam, because even if they aren’t practicing, they grow up learning about whatever religion their family practices, most of the time. 

If you’re desi, feel free to add on whatever you think is relevant here. If you’re not, shut the fuck up. This is not about you, and it will never be. Feel free to reblog, but kindly keep your comments or opinions to yourself if they are not in agreement with all the above points or promises to be less ignorant.

My inbox is open if you have any questions. Desi people let me know if I said something wrong or offensive and I promise I’ll do my best to correct it