#‘that sounds fake af’ but also?

[mxtxfanatic]

The funny thing about that scene is that Jiang Cheng is actually said to have questioned the truth of Wei Wuxian’s tale multiple times since he agreed to getting a new core. Even on the walk up to “Baoshan Sanren’s” mountain, he is still questioning if Wei Wuxian is lying to him. He knows that the tale is too fantastical to be true, but he is also afraid to dig more into it because he really wants a new golden core. Even way back in the Yi City arc, we are told that it is fantastical thinking to believe that even a sage like Baoshan Sanren can regrow limbs and organs out of thin air and that the only way to replace them is through donation. Even if Jiang Cheng believes that Wei Wuxian remembers Baoshan Sanren’s location (he doesn’t), he definitely doesn’t believe her capable of pulling a golden core from nothing. But all of this is really not the point, because Jiang Cheng is not bothered by where he gets his core from. He’s not even really bothered by who he gets it from. He’s bothered by what it says about him, his actions, and the specter of his “righteous fury” that Wei Wuxian did this for him in secret, and was willing to die with this secret despite Jiang Cheng having killed him once already.

“Just how much do you owe the Jiang Sect? Am I not supposed to hate you? Can I not hate you?! Why is it that now it’s like I’m supposed to have wronged you?! Why do I have to feel like I’m a fucking clown all these years?! What am I? Do I deserve to be blinded by all your dazzling splendor?! Am I not supposed to hate you?!”

—Chapt. 102, exr

This is what Jiang Cheng is bothered by. He is not bothered that he was lied to about Baoshan Sanren’s magically abilities because he was lied to, he is bothered by the realization that the people he hinged his entire life’s resentment and adulthood personality on are the very people who willingly and selflessly saved his life. He is bothered by the fact that he owed more life debts than he knew, that he couldn’t outsource to something else (like he did when he completely ignored the fact that Wen Ning returned his parents’ bodies to him). He isn’t in Guanyin Temple crying about how Wei Wuxian could bear to lie to him; he is crying about how dare Wei Wuxian’s ultimate act of selflessness make Jiang Cheng’s over a decade-long public grudge look like the tantrums of a clown. By his own design.

If we’re really being honest, Jiang Cheng has no issue relying on Wei Wuxian when he can outsource his gratitude to someone/-thing else. Despite the fact that he is knowingly relying on Wei Wuxian for a golden core, knowingly stealing Wei Wuxian’s favor to get a new golden core (in his mind), the person who “really” did anything was “Baoshan Sanren,” so Wei Wuxian can be neatly cut out of the list of people he “has to” feel gratitude towards. Knowing that it wasn’t Baoshan Sanren, that it was actually two “Wen-dogs” and the “son of a servant” that lived up to his clan’s motto better than him? THAT’S the insult.

"Jiang Cheng should have been allowed informed consent".

He did. As in he was informed he'd receive a core regardless and accepted. Also his issue was never about the harm it would cause to Wei Wuxian or the loss it would be for Wei Wuxian. It was compounded that he did owe grace to Wei Wuxian for what he had done for Jiang Cheng. Let's also stop omitting that Jiang Cheng was set on committing suicide by starving himself because he could no longer cultivate in direct contrast to Wei Wuxian reasoning that he was simply giving back what he had been given by the Jiang Clan anyways by giving his core that was developed with their methods.

The only reason he is upset about anything to do with that situation is that once again he did and always had relied on what Wei Wuxian said and did for him while constantly calling Wei Wuxian ungrateful.

[waterghostype]

llorumi

[thebuginthecornerofyourroom]

Babe, wake up, another rat penis-like AI generated graph published in a scientific journal dropped

[twpsyn-who]

Me 🤝🏻 Daryl @ being delusionals about Sophia's chances of surviving

[currymanganese]

GUYS, I CAN'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS, BUT WHAT IF THEY ACTUALLY HAD A GOOD REASON FOR JOHN CENA BEING CAST AS SAMMY FAK?

please bear with me (pun intended) and let me know what you think of my speculation under the cut~

In a mind-boggling case of a seemingly big-lipped alligator moment in season 3 - John Cena appears in a bizarrely over the top (even by the tonal comedic standards set previously by The Bear e.g. Ecto Cooler punch at a kid's birthday party getting spiked with Xanax in Season One) and jarring scene that stretches on and on as he obnoxiously squabbles, blathers and exchanges nonsensical rapid-fire quips with his brothers Neil and Ted Fak as they buff polish The Bear's dining area before a food photographer from The Chicago Tribune arrives to take a photo for a review of The Bear.

In this scene, he also intimidates and threatens to 'haunt' (in a Fak family tradition ( that even the Faks find annoying) - that involves pranking and being an unrestrained nuisance to their loved ones especially when they least expect it) his brother Ted for, "stealing his SD cards"......

This scene and the increased screen presence of the seemingly plot-irrelevant Faks this season is currently being eviscerated by plenty of fans and critics alike.

Edit:

I now strongly suspect that John Cena's role was always in the works ever since S1

..................................

But what if there's a (debatable, but) really good reason for this scene and the increased involvement in Seasons 2 and 3 of the massive numbered siblings family of Carmy's pseudo cousins, the Faks?

See Exhibit A:

In season 2, episode 3, Sundae - after Carmy has already asked Sydney out to Kasama, a husband and wife owned restaurant run by Tim Flores, and Genie Kwon*, ostensibly just to brainstorm and gain inspiration for planning for the new menu, and after Sydney has already gone home and freshened up and changed her clothes, then arrived to Kasama early, despite the meeting only being scheduled for an hour after she last spoke to Carmy at his apartment, Claire calls and interrupts the whole hypothetical shebang with Syd and Carmy at Kasama (the Tagalog WORD FOR TOGETHER) with the words,

"Did you mean to give me a fake number? You do know that I know your entire family [translation: she must know Donna too and Claire assumes that Carmy's folks approve of her - and she's proven to be technically right throughout Seasons 2 and 3 ], right? And I know ALL the Faks! [translation: tee hee! they're bigger than you - to quote Neil and Ted with their Uncle, "We Faks do have a particular shape, don't we?😇" - and they outnumber you, you scrawny punk, slay!😉✨]"

Claire then proceeds to playfully threaten to have said "massive numbered siblings" Faks, which includes Sammy Fak, played by John Cena (a professional wrestler, from an industry that is mixes both bawdy over the top theatre, a performance art that values Kayfabe (legerdemain/slight of hand anyone?) and comedy, and an athletic discipline) that is TALL. BUILT. HENCH. AND BUFF AF.....Claire 'playfully' threatens to have THESE FAKS, beat up Carmy, who is short in stature and cannot fight well from all the previous physical confrontations we've seen him be involved in, despite supposedly being a former high-school wrestler, and who has already been seriously physically abused thrice in the series run thus far (not counting him play fighting or trying to fight with Richie) after being JUMPED by a GROUP of assailants, not once, but TWICE in season one, by the Ballbreaker nerds in the pilot, and the Bachelor Party attendees in the season finale (the first season started and ended with Carmy being beaten tf up, Holy Shit! 🤯); AND AFTER BEING SLAPPED IN THE FACE IN SEASON 2 BY HIS OWN MOTHER, DONNA.

Notice the way Carmy goes from being lost in his thoughts but being completely relaxed after his menu planning session with Sydney, and in anticipation of seeing her on their would be inspiration seeking meet-up (definitely not a date, no Sir! 👀) at Kasama, to being tense and jittery and apprehensive when Claire calls him (after going behind his back and getting his number from Fak).

Notice the way Carmy's voice shakes when he asks Claire if she really knows all of the Faks.....

Notice Carmy's defeated and annoyed reaction after he hangs up the phone.

No wonder Carmy is being so avoidant and conflict averse in his handling of Claire in both Season Two and Three, he has absolutely no faith in himself or his loved ones at present to defend himself should he assert the type of boundaries he may have been desiring to have with them for these past two seasons, after all - who can he count on to fully have his back even to the point of physically intervening for him if he gets into a scrape or is genuinely attacked, by the Faks on account of Claire taking offense at or misrepresenting his words and actions to them, e.g. Claire apparently twisting Carmy's self loathing stream of consciousness confession (that she eavesdropped on) and telling Tiff that they broke up because Carmy said that "Claire will ruin everything good for him?" while he was trapped in the fridge?

What if Carmy knows he has to rip the band-aid and call Claire and apologize for his part in the superficiality and disintegration of their dalliance, but is afraid to do so because he knows in so doing, if he is being fully honest with himself and with Claire, he never truly wanted to be with her in the first place?

And who knows how Claire will take that revelation - it probably won't be pretty will it?

And.....

to quote Neil Fak,

"Claire's the best."

"We love Claire."

"I did that." [setting Carmy and Claire up in Pop)

And.....

Claire. knows. all. the. Faks.....

TL;DR

They cast John Cena as Sammy Fak, and the Faks had a lot of screen-time this season because they are the physical manifestation of being haunted in their family's sense of the word:

and a satirical visualization of Carmy's desire for Syd being cock-blocked ; plus Claire is a Love-able Alpha Bitch, and Carmy is ambivalent towards her, and even a little scared to face her, because her henchmen are the Faks!

If you enjoyed this post, then thank you for reading and I'd recommend that you check out the following meta on the way Christopher Storer and Company have seemingly (and controversially) committed to sticking to the bit of lying to the audience and breaking the fourth wall throughout this entire season:

Richie and the viewer - by @whenmemorydies with my add-on in the reblogs about Richie, not Carmy, potentially being Christopher Storer's author avatar in this series (from a post originally written before season 3 premiered.

Fourth Wall being broken - by @brokenwinebox and @thoughtfulchaos773

Claire being a possible representation of addiction, being a habit that is hard to kick - by @thoughtfulchaos773 and my and @devisrina 's add-on speculating that Claire may also be meant to be interpreted or revealed as a bit of a mean girl, to reference TVTropes, she (and by extension Season 3) may be a deconstruction/ mashup /send-up / subversion of the: Girl Next Door, the Cute Bookworm, Nerds Are Sexy, MPDG, Yandere, Alpha Bitch, Loveable Apha Bitch, Childhood Friend Romance, High-School Sweethearts, Sickeningly Sweethearts, Getting Crap Past The Radar, Freeze Frame Bonus, Parental Bonus, Viewers Are Geniuses, Give Geeks A Chance, Even Nerds Have Standards, Beauty Equals Goodness, Face-Heel Turn, Cerebus Syndrome tropes etc.....and a subtler mirror version of Donna Berzatto.

Edit: See my reblog add on to @espumado 's thread on the recurrent 'haunting' theme this season and the possibility of the Claire x Carmy x Sydney love triangle being a Lilith x Adam x Eve allegory, and my webweaving about Syd x Carmy's Adam and Eve parallels. sidenote: Lilith is Adam's first wife apocryphally and in Jewish mysticism that left him, and became a she-demon / mother of demons after being impregnated by the archangel Samael - wait is 'Sammy' Fak a Samael allegory?!!

and another reblog add-on of mine to the thread linked above - on The Faks as the living embodiment of all that is fake in Carmy's life, C Storer's handy dandy tools for slight of hand,

you can't spell fake without FAK.

and please see

Clairecarmy as Ann Veal x GOB from Arrested Development

and with Richie's frustrated refrain of, "Who cares?!" whenever Claire and Claire and Carmy's breakup is brought up in 3 -

see the running gag of George Michael Bluth's (from Arrested Development) family's disdain for Ann and his relationship with her.

5. The parallels between The Bear and Burnt by @ambeauty - a post Season 2 post which was proven to be prescient and insightful given the Easter Egg inclusion of Bradley Cooper's character from Burnt on the photo wall of chefs at Ever in the Funeral dinner in the finale.

6. The parallels between The Bear and Boiling Point - a gritty film and mini-series set in a restaurant which features several plot elements and characters reminiscent of certain character archetypes and subplots present in The Bear - seriously think of this IP as The Bear's cynical, dramatic, older British cousin.

Decision to leave by @anderwater

This anon that recommended Boiling Point to me and wrote about its connections to The Bear.

The difference between The Bear and Boiling Point by @theblvckvenus

The similarities between The Bear and Boiling Point in this reblog add-on to @happylikeasadsong et. al's thread.

7. Claire/Carmy and the Walk In - my old post on the parallels between Strange Days (1995), Can't Hardly Wait (1998, and The Bear.

and @ambeauty 's meta on Claire as a representation of the fridge

8. My post on the possible connection between The Bear Season 3 and Andrei Tarkovsky's experimental, semi-autobiographical, psychological Oedipal drama film The Mirror (1975) - a film which was incredibly divisive upon its initial release, but has since gained wide acclaim and re-evaluation as a masterpiece, and that has had a legacy of subsequently inspiring multiple renowned filmmakers.

9. The Bear series' lead actress, and the director of Napkins, one of the only episodes of The Bear Season 3 to receive almost universal acclaim - Ayo Edebiri's trollish sense of humour and assertion that lying is the pinnacle of comedy.

10. And last but certainly not least with the inclusion of a Genie Kwon*'s, of Kasama fame, cameo in the season finale and the prominence of Kasama being key to Syd and Carmy's stymied relationship progression, courtesy Claire, see

The Kasama of it all by @gingerylangylang1979

@mod-doodles @lunasink @vacationship @chansoooo1-blog

@bioloyg @msmoiraine @nerdyblerd @ripley-stark @uncriticalbunny @prowitchazel @msmoiraine @mswyrr @anxietycroissant @turbulenthandholding @tvfantic87 @laryssamedeirss @tejidaepoque @angelica4equity @inalltheirgorgeouscolors @houseofevangelista @glitterslag

@uncriticalbunny @imliterallyjustablackgirl

@bioloyg and @ambeauty please don't say I told you so or welcome back, I'm flabbergasted that I wrote this, but I want to believe! 😭

P.S. If you're still reading this, do yourself a favour and read @brokenwinebox 's post

New Paradigm

and this follow up

Mocktail is a dirty word

and check out her #the magic trick tag!

and also check out these Sydcarmy and Rosalind x Orlando from Shakespeare's As You Like It parallels:

The Bear as a pastoral comedy

First Meetings

Fumbling with your crush

Separation, keepsakes and lovesickness

and also C Storer really did tell us in the music that this season would inspire

Mixed Emotions 🥴

[found--family]

angel

*as in, once they officially establish a relationship

[wonuwrites]

hiii, if it's not a problem, can I request seventeen's reaction to their s/o being adored by cats? like, every time they go on a walk, there's at least one kitty that comes to them and wants to be petted

love your work!!! 😊

Ahhh not a problem at all! This sounds SO freaking cute I'm so excited to write it <33

Warnings: it's gonna be cute af, cats lmao

p.s: bc im writing about cats I wanna show off my babies ~ the Tuxedo is Shadow and White Cat is Stewie.

ღ S Coups:

omg Seungcheol would get heart eyes everytime a stray cat came up to you and rubbed up against you. You both would be doing your daily late night walk and an orange tabby would run straight to you you would drop Seungcheol's hand just to give the tabby some attention. Even though Seungcheol would fake pout everytime you chose a cat over his hand, he found it so precious how soft you were with cats and vice versa.

ღ Jeonghan:

When you first told Jeonghan cats loved you, he thought you were all talk. He didn't realize how true it was until one came up to you after one of your dates and just rubbed up on you. He jokingly called you a Disney Princess and it honestly was the best and most real compliment you have ever received. Whenever a cat ever came up to you, he would laugh in disbelief but he would love the fact that animals loved you just as much as he did.

ღ Joshua:

The majority of Jisoo's camera roll was with you and cats. You often would joke with each other that if you had to choose between cats vs him, you would choose cats. While that was not true in the slightest, Jisoo still would "respect" his place. There would be times where he would have to be voice of reason when you would want to take a new kitten or cat home which would be bittersweet but you would know he was right.

ღ Jun:

As a cat as well, Jun would completely understand why cats loved you. You were so calm and cute so it just makes sense. When cats would walk up to you, he swore he fell in love with you even more especially as you would crouch down and coo at them. He found it to be such a green flag that you were so good with animals.

ღ Hoshi:

Tell me why he'd be jealous of a cat? Not actually "jealous jealous" but would be like "yah, get your own partner. (y/n) is mine." He found it amusing whenever it happened because not only was the cats completely enamored by you but you also were. You would coo and would make up "back stories" about each cat that came up to you. If you ever saw the same cat twice, Soonyoung would be like "Oh yeah, it's Frederick the Third who really loves mischief and belly rubs" which would make you laugh because he remembered the back story. He would never admit it, but finding cats on your evening walks was the highlight of his day.

ღ Wonwoo:

tbh, the cats would be coming up to BOTH of you constantly. Something about Wonwoo and you just radiated such peace that cats just knew. You both found it a bit comical but also super wholesome that it happened as often as it did. If it ever happened when you weren't together, you both would either take a picture or FaceTime the other. Honestly, it would always make you both talk about adopting a cat together one day. Both of you would always get excited about the thoughts of making future plans like that together <3

ღ Woozi:

Similarly to Jeonghan, Jihoon would have some doubts about your claims of being a "cat magnet." He knocked the first few times as a "coincidence" but after awhile, he realized you were right. He found it so precious and would smirk when he would see an adorable four legged friend stretch before running up to both of you. He'd find it precious seeing you smile wide as you stared at a skittish cat that got nervous when Jihoon crouched down next to you too look at the kitten that decided to walk up to you. You would softly tell the kitten that Jihoon's muscles were all for show and he was a softie which would cause him to scoff and make mental note to show you how much "for show" they were later on.

ღ DK:

Seokmin would find it hilarious when you would just be walking and a cat would just be following close behind you begging for your attention with 'meows' and purrs. You would just give him a look of "I told you so," before playing with the kitten that so desperately wanted your attention. He found it so precious that he would film it and send it to both the 97 group chat and Seventeen group chats. His friends would be so jealous at your talents with cats and would ask you constantly for tips on how to get random cats to love you which would just make Seokmin feel so proud lol.

ღ Mingyu:

Mingyu was shocked when he realized it was not just cats and him that were obsessed with you. Whenever you both went on a walk together animals would ALWAYS come up to you. It could be cats, dogs, or even a crow. You would always mimic the noises of the animals and the animals would just act so happy that you were communicating with them. Honestly, it made him fall more in love with you.

ღ Minghao:

You know his infamous giggle? The bestest giggle in this whole wide world? Well it would star when you both would hear meows from behind you and noticed your charms worked on a grey long haired cutie. You would coo at the kitty and Minghao would coo at you. He found this sight to be the cutest thing EVER. He would take pictures and would even name the cats with you. For instance, this gray kitty y'all just found was named "Jinkies."

ღ Seungkwan:

Seungkwan would be flabbergasted that his partner was some character from a Disney movie. He would find it absolutely precious when he would see cats run up and look at you when you went on walks with each other. He often would find it funny because half the time you would get 'tired' of this talent you had. Sometimes you wanted to just enjoy time with him and when a cat came up, you just had to pet the kitty and ignore your busy man. It would make you feel guilty but he would always reassure you that it was okay.

ღ Vernon:

The first time it happened, he thought it was a freak occurrence. As did you. In fact, it was with Hansol when you realized you were the cat whisperer. It would be weird if a cat did NOT come up to you when you both on your nights. He would laugh if you got sulky because you didn't see an four legged friend on your walk. He would tease you that you were "losing your touch" which would cause you to roll your eyes and playfully push him.

ღ Dino:

Chan swore you had catnip or tuna in your pockets because there was just no way. So before your went on a walk, you emptied both of your pockets to prove him wrong. When he was satisfied you both left and ironically three damn cats showed up on your walk. He would be so flabbergasted and would laugh his infamous laugh. You would tell him it's a sign and you both should get a furbaby child soon which he would agree.

[eds6ngel]

I just read one Fanfic -And it wasn’t even stranger things- which included a cum filled strap and now my bisexual ass (who also loves your writing) can’t stop thinking about Robin fucking R with one of those. 🫣🤭

She’d be shy at first, unsure what to do and if she’s really into it but -Oh boy- the minute she actually gets to fuck R with it 🫢

firstly, thank you, babes !! second, yes. absolutely yes. from a fellow bisexual, i'm absolutely in love with this idea (and horny af.) <3

warnings: SMUT!! afab!reader. strap-on use. dirty talk. mommy kink. breeding kink. pregnancy kink. orgasms. fake cum. internalised homophobia? (unsure how to label it.) modern!robin. r attracted to multiple genders (including cis men.) [0.9k].

robin would be super shy at first. she had insecurities that you thought she could never compare to a man because of her inability to produce sperm. she had used a strap many times before on you, but was the lack of ejaculation from it a personal problem?

it took a lot of convincing (and even more strap-use) for you to tell her that it wasn't a male-centric thing, it was simply the feeling that got you extremely riled up.

so, robin did tons of research. she spent many days on various different sex toy websites, trying to find the perfect toy for you, as well as how to use the piece of equipment.

and once it arrived, my god were you two excited.

you were both desperately trying to open the cardboard amazon box, getting out the fake bottle of cum and new dildo.

“okay, baby, so… according to this… you open the cap at the top there.”

you point to it, but robin’s hands appeared to be shaking again. she thought she had gotten used to the idea through her research, but seeing everything laid out in front of her… it made her nervous.

“hey, hey,” you cup her face gently, “what’s wrong, baby? talk to me.”

“i mean…” she hesitates. she couldn’t shake the feeling off that this felt too male-centric to her, despite you saying otherwise.

she already had worries the first time you had asked to use a strap. but, she quickly realised that she was indeed turned on by that and now couldn’t wait for the times you both wanted to use it.

but, a cum-filled one? that was a whole different level. you wanted a dick that filled you with cum, something she couldn’t physically give you.

“i’m just scared that you actually just want the real thing. like… this isn’t gonna feel like how it does with a man—”

you quickly shut her up with a kiss, whispering in a sultry tone, “i don’t wanna be cummed in by a man, i wanna be cummed in by you.”

and soon enough, the dildo was set up in the next ten minutes.

robin did her usual routine, fingering and eating you out like a woman starved, making you squirm and cry from her incredible actions.

she slotted the new toy into the harness, testing that it was a good fit, before demanding you to get on all fours for her, to which you obeyed immediately.

she lines up to your entrance, using your slick to lube up the dildo before slowly pushing in.

she let you get used to the new toy. it was your normal six inches, but just by the look of it, you both knew it was gonna feel different. she also had to remember not to push in to the hilt like she normally did, the ejaculation button sitting right at the top of the dildo. that would be a disaster if she miscalculated that and the tightness of your walls gliding over activated the squirting.

she felt her normal level of horniness at first, which was already extremely high because it was you after all. who wouldn’t be this turned on by the mere sight of you?

but, once the dirty talk kicked in? that is when she realised that she would need regular stock-ups of the fake cum.

hands gripping tightly into the flesh of your skin, the continuous slapping of her cock echoing off the four walls of your bedroom, you were screaming and yelling, “g-getting close, mommy. need your c-cum. need it so fucking bad.”

robin was gonna end up cumming to the mere sound of your words, letting go in sync with the toy, as if she was actually filling you up with her spunk.

“n-need you to breed me, mommy. need your babies.”

god, if she had an actual dick, she would be doing that every chance she got. the amount of mini buckley’s running around the house would be insane.

“yeah?” robin pants in your ear, leaning over your body, now thrusting directly into your cervix, “gonna let go for me? gonna let go so mommy can breed this pussy for you? make you all nice ‘n full?”

“y-yes! yes! oh my god! oh my god! i-i’m gonna—”

and by the intense grip on the bedsheets, to your eyes squeezed shut and your mouth hung open, violent noises escaping your throat, robin knew from memory that your orgasm had hit you like a freight train.

she waited for your orgasm to die down, before pushing in as far as she could go and pressing the button.

the fake cum squirted fiercely into your cervix, a long stream entering you, once, twice, three times as robin kept pushing the button over and over again.

she kept pressing and pressing until your legs started shaking, giving out underneath you as robin had to use her arm to catch your weight.

as you both recovered from the intense pleasure, robin silently pleaded to whatever power was out there that one day, there would be a way to make that stick.

and if she wasn’t already turned on enough, the sight of the cum dripping out of your pussy after she had pulled out was something to send her brain spiralling once again.

as she collected the spunk and shoved it forcefully back into your vagina, all she knew was that she needed to make another order of that substance. and she needed to make it soon.

a/n: please let me know if any of this came across as homophobic/lesbophobic/etc etc. i did double check with a queer woman i know who is in a wlw relationship, but she does not identify as a lesbian, so lesbians and other sapphics, correct me!! i'm open to learning more!!

taglist: @agxxb @robinsno1lesbian @agenderrat

[q1ngqve]

Your aventio fic got me in a chokehold and now I'm frothing??? I'm being tormented by the same principal but with Jing Yuan and Dan Heng. Reader being the anxious babe that they are avoiding them at ALL costs outside nessasary things since they don't think that their pursuit is genuine (or that they're pretty or smart enough to be with them) Anti-stalking x 100. Like "hello??? The GENERAL and IMBIBITOR LUNE, interested in me??? Sounds fake af" but their also secretly down bad as well, and having bracelets corresponding to them at all times? A subtle marking of their claim over you by your own volition would probably stir something within them.

I'd think the general would enjoy the hunt while Dan Heng tries to not but can't help but be lured in by readers sweetness. A hidden archive dedicated to you is kept by Dan Heng and updated regularly, Jing Yuan sends his retainer to check up on you from time to time. And if they discover what the other is doing??? Would they team up? Mayhaps, and If so, good luck since you have a LION and a DRAGON, pursuing you. Isn't that perfect? But good luck, once your in their grasp you are not leaving untill the only thing you can remember is their names.

I'd find it even funnier if they got access to their fanfic reading list. For me that's sacred but for them it'd be a GOLD MINE, especially when it comes to readers kinks (praise kinks, marking??? Oral??? Oh~ breeding? Now thats jnteresting) WHAT ABOUT THE FANFICS WRITTEN BY XIANZHOU NATIVES??? BRUH READER HAVING SO MANY FEATURING THEM SAVED AND HAVE WRITTEN SOME THEMSELVES CONFIRMS THE FEELING ARE MUTUAL.

Waiting untill the perfect time, they pounce. Conveniently bumping into Dan Heng during the Lunar Festival celebrations and making small talk before the General bumps into the two before suggesting getting food to celebrate the new year's. Timidly excepting the rimvife dinner goes normally untill it doesn't. The restaurant is small yet not busy despite the festivities. (they call reader nicknames (darling) that were used in readers fanfic that make reader flush) (giving genuine praise and watching them flush. Eventually Dan Heng suggest staying at the attached inn due to how crowded it is Outside " oh no! There's only one room remaining! I guess wr have to share a room. How unfortunate." 🤔 and thus all three end up getting one conveniently large private suite.

Once the door is closed they Sandwich reader between the two as Jing Yuan and Dan Heng confess their feelings, trapping reader so they dont run away. When reader objects, Flustered and in disbelif Jing Yuan cant help but tease about their "little findings" while Dan Heng eyes the bracelets on their arms. Posessiebess blooming at the epiphany of the btacelets meanings as their vidyahara traits peak out. If the insecurities come out to? Then they'll have to make sure that reader (and their body) remembers their love by devouring them whole.

( Even better if those findings are used against reader. Awe is their darling shy? And theyre tryjng to muffle their moans and hide their face? Don't worry, those two make sure reader drowns in so such pleasure that it'll be the furthest thing from their prettty little mind)

If reader ends up cover in marks almost impossible to hide and unable to walk for days after and having to be carried out of the suite the next day? Then that's none of our business.

(Sorry if this is long, I'm frothing at the mouth and losing my mind. That aventio fic has rewired my brain in the best way possible and I need to get this out of my mind ajdbdhdindkdn)

✒️

hello anon…? you are so big brained and for what 🤭ྀིྀིྀིྀིྀི i had a good time gobbling this shit up

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 4.1

This is embarrassing but I'm actually so obsessed with the first five minutes of this episode that I've got it bookmarked in my YouTube account. It's just so perfect!

“Say you don't looooove him, my salamander. Then why did you neeeeeeed him? Ono don't answer.” He genuinely thinks need and love are the same and I really hope he's got therapy for that messed up mindset by now.

Officially honored as the most successful musical composer and recording artist of all time. That damn well better be mentioned in his movie. And people still don't take him seriously. But also. John definitely smashed his TV.

I'm screaming. I love Linda the promoter so fucking much!! Interviewer: I knew a lot of your records had went gold and platinum and– Linda: a lot of them? All of them! Ugh I wish she was still with him now.

And then THIS! “What really happened between you and John?” As the first notes to “I Will Survive” play. It's too good. Everyone has to go watch that bit right now.

Linda coming in for the kill again with her fake posh accent: critics? Critics? Oooooh! … They're always three years behind.

Look at him (to the tune Bitch by Meredeth Brooks) he's a whore, he's a father, he's a star, he's a success, he's a lover he's smug, he's laughing, he's having fun, he's working hard. He's everything.

Interviewing Wings concert goers and this one girl goes, "oh I just got off on all of it" and another one goes “It was great, i came twice!” Literally it should've been me!!!!

The McCartneys are seriously such a big family. And it's been Paul's responsibility since was about 21, really, to make sure they're all okay financially. That Francie story of him crumbling in the street in Liverpool haunts me.

"Why shouldn't they go to the same school as everyone else goes to?" State schools should be the only legal schools btw.

I love what the creator does to contextualize their songs by pairing them with other contemporary footage. It makes it much easier for me to understand why something like “arrow through me” (which I love but none of the people I've shown it to do) would've been so popular.

Oh here we go again. Just show us the marriage certificate already.

Cackling at the contrast between “Old Siam Sir” which is one of my all time fav rockers and footage of the Stones being cringe AF and Dylan being so beyond done he's basically dead.

Oh. Okay. And then they slap us in the face with John's poor baby late 70s demo voice crooning, “Don't want your looooove. Anymore.” “I die each time I hear your name.” I'm fine. It's fine. I'm just vomiting my guts out because I'm sick. That's why.

The pairing of “Mr H Atom” with Paul's would've-been drag show is genius, but what is that clip of some sort of trial stuck in there? If anyone knows, please inform me. (16:15)

John sounds so sad talking about the “endless search for . . . Scotland . . . Within an hour of New York.” I can't help thinking of the Mull of Kintyre. But John was also the one who turned Paul on to Scotland in the first place, ≈always waxing poetic about the heather and the hills≈.

Sean is so adorable. Reminds me of my little guy a bit actually.

Why do I always want to tell Paul to be nice to John? John is worse to him. Idk maybe because John's pain is more visible.

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

The Ducks Would Love Hamilton

In honour of me seeing Hamilton live tomorrow (!!!) here's some things a friend and I discussed last night about the DuckTales characters enjoying Hamilton.

• Fenton had a slight existential crisis when he was lucky enough to go to a show with the OG Broadway cast, because how in the hell does the guy playing Hamilton sound exactly like him (ooh, how very meta)

• Dewey's the first to discover Hamilton out of the family, and he does not shut up about it. Eventually everyone listens to the album, and while most of them seem to enjoy it, Dewey, Della and Webby are by far the most obsessed. Donald is not a fan, but gets dragged into the whole thing anyways.

• The kids use their dart guns for fake duels in the hallways. Scrooge not only allows this but encourages them (and also turns around so he can have deniability).

• Donald keeps getting woken up early by Della trying to learn the fast part of Guns And Ships. It takes her a while but she eventually gets there. 

• The next time Goldie comes over, someone (probably either Louie or Della) starts playing Say No To This over a Bluetooth speaker. Goldie, having never even heard of Hamilton before, is confused af, while Scrooge is blushing redder than his jacket.

• ^^ Because yes, as much as he hates admitting it, even Scrooge loves Hamilton. For starters, he's always admired the theatre (my hc is that he's a huge Shakespeare nerd since his youth). He also finds Hamilton's whole "determined immigrant" thing wildly relatable, and he also writes like he's running out of time. His favourite song is Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down) because y'know. Victory and all that.

• When it's announced that Hamilton is coming to Duckburg, everyone (understandably) flips out. Scrooge anticipates this, and buys tickets super early to guarantee the family gets good seats. It goes... Well, about the way you'd expect a night at the theatre with the Ducks to go.

• Everyone dresses to the absolute nines, even though it's not a particularly fancy venue - it's a big night for them all. Dewey, Della and Webby are actually in full cosplay, while Scrooge, Beakley, Huey, Louie, Launchpad and Donald (who was all but dragged there) are in fairly regular formalwear (the latter two are more along the lines of "business casual" but still).

• Everyone tries to keep a lid on their excitement so they don't get in trouble for singing along, and it kind of works.

• In the end, it's actually Scrooge that's the first to draw unwanted attention, for booing when King George enters to singYou'll Be Back. Something, something, historical hatred of the English monarchy runs deep for Clan McDuck.

• Because they don't wanna get kicked out of the Coolest Musical Ever To Exist (Webby's words), everyone just lip-syncs to the songs. This is exactly what I'm gonna be doing when I go, by the way.

• Webby cries during That Would Be Enough. Della cries in Dear Theodosia and Stay Alive Reprise (Donald even sheds a few tears during those songs, but he'll never admit it.) Everyone ends up a little emotional in Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story. 

• The car ride there (and back) was spent belting out the songs because they knew they couldn't in the theatre. Donald brought his headphones and sits in the back, resolutely listening to Nirvana or something. Am I adding this to the ever-lengthening list of fic ideas? Yeah. Is that a guarantee I'm actually gonna write it? Nope.

[luvchrltts]

dating mondo owada headcanons !! (sfw + nsfw)

ship : mondo x reader 🫡

— warnings : breeding kink, dimensions and measurements of his dick 😭😭, cccccunnilingus, dominant mondo (most of the time ….), erm js sex in general FOR THE NSFW AREA . no warnings in the sfw :3

reader : female anatomy in nsfw areaaaa

SFW:

love language is spending time with u <3 he stands on BUSINESS when it comes to being with u no matter what it is

takes u to the gym and shows him his routine (REOWWW 😻😻)

lazy af when inside tho 🤷🏼‍♀️

he lets u borrow his jacket that’s like 5x bigger than u — forgot to say that he is most likely towering over u

not shy or anything but he genuienly forgets to show affection . he thinks of u as a best friend

reallllyyyyy comfortable with u but u’ll never ever catch him lacking

u love to play with his long hair after hes just showered and hasnt styled it yet

more loyal than anyone ever could be . he thinks having ONE partner is enough LET ALONE TWO . and also he just wouldnt choose to be a cheater he doesnt see the point and believes its tooo much effort

mondo doesnt tease a lot he’s just kind of sly

he finds it downright hilarious when u say something that sounds dirty and he gets to make a joke about it 😭😭. hes got smth wrong with him

would do anything to prevent u from breaking up with him. he’s already lost his brother let alone the lohl ☹️ give him a BREAKKKK

nsfw under the cut 🙈

NSFW:

he’s so loud omfg

wants u to sit on his face .

no joke he literally gets off even to the thought of eating u out …..

goes pussydrunk

he loves ass im sorry

as long as you have SOMETHING for him to grab onto no matter the size he’s satisfied

………….. thick dick

alr just hear me out on this

shaft #AD8484 tip #97575F — 8 inches long and 5 inches thick ………. it doesnt feel right writing this x

if he feels like shaving he will if he doesnt he wont ✌️ he doesnt care what u do with ur pubes as long as u dont care abt what he does with his

he wants to be gentle he really does but he cant bring himself to be sometimes

not necessarily kinky but he’ll do whatever the fuck u want 😇😇 as long as ur happy pookie !!!!

as i said at the start he’s very vocal.. literally pants like a dog 🙇🏼‍♀️

his voice breaks when he orrrrgasssmmmmssss

his stupid hair bounces up and down when he thrusts inside u 😭😭😭😭 i find myself VERY funny 🫡

hear me out . he wraps his arms around ur thighs to hold u still as ur laying down and eats u out 🙏

u cuuuummmmm on his weird ass hair sometimes and he gets pissed ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS A GOOD HAIR DAY

maybe just MAYBE would he let u take control . but only if its a birthday treat or smth as i said u’ll never catch him lacking like that

toys are useless in his opinion … why a fake cock when hes got a real one waiting for u with open arms 🤗

'attagirl’ 'take it like a champ’ 'doing so well f’me..’ ……. I MIGHT TEML A JOKE BUT I NEVER TELL A LIE

bbbbbreeeeedinnnngggg kink maybe …… as long as ur alr w it

would laugh recklessly if u ever mentioned piss or shit or anything like that (as he should. as he fucking should)

erm thats it i hope it was alr for my first thingy evaaa lolz 🫡

[rogue205]

Season 3 Finale Rant…

(Kinda sounds like my other post… 🤷‍♀️ Oh well)

I feel that Soldier Boy is an anti-hero and not a villain. He’s labeled as such because his morals do not align with those of “the good guys”.

Honestly, the show runners kept insisting that SB was bad and had to be stopped by any means necessary but they never showed us why he was apparently so bad. And no, I don’t believe that he “faked his PTSD induced blackouts so he could kill tons of people on purpose”. He’s damaged but he sure as hell ain’t gonna acknowledge or admit it.

Putting it lightly, he’s an ass in every sense but he was also the only one who didn’t go back on his word and betray those whom he had allied with while they shanked him. How does this make him bad? Even after Hughie tried to go back on the deal by teleporting away with Mindstorm, SB still kept to it. Frankly, Hughie is very lucky all he got was a punch in the face/chest. He deserved it too.

And from what we see, SB is not the one constantly on the edge of a massive breakdown and constantly threatening to destroy humanity because he can. That’s Homelander. SB got what he wanted, justified revenge on his former teammates for selling him to Russia. He only stuck around because he had made a deal with Butcher to destroy HL. And he was gonna do it too only for everyone to flip against him at the worst possible time.

The Boys better watch out. They literally delivered their only chance of defeating HL to him on a silver platter. Unfortunately we’re likely gonna have to wait until season 5 to find out what his plans for SB are. I’m betting “Winter Soldier” because SB is going to have massive trust issues, especially getting betrayed again, and he already showed that ‘family’ is not a motivation for him especially since there was no paternal type emotional connections made whatsoever between him and HL or him and Ryan. Despite the fact that he’s since admitted he wanted kids but Vought f-ed that up good.

It’s just too bad that I have very little faith in Eric Kripke to actually stick the landing on his ideas. At least Supernatural made it past season 5 before this problem occurred, The Boys didn’t even make it to season 3. The finale conflict was forced AF and I still don’t believe The Boys would spontaneously team up with HL over a damn kid. Not sorry Ryan, but you should be dead.

My opinion.

[luddlestons]

Can I ask what you think bells hells sound like in bed? Like who’s loud, who’s quiet? Who likes dirty talk and who prefers to just moan?

-cracks knuckles- oh you ABSOLUTELY can ask.

I think a LOT about character voices, especially when I listen to them talk for so long, so this is giving me leeway to ramble for a loooong time.

Below a cut because NSFW, long, etc.

Ashton: Capable of being very quiet, because all of their teenage fooling-around happened in shared rooms. Obviously swearing constantly. I think he's more likely to cut off in the middle of a sentence and gasp or straight up growl than he is to moan. The dirty talk is 70% the word 'fuck'. Sounds dangerously similar to how they sound when they get their ass kicked. Which is hot af. Like ragged and low and out of breath. And, uh. Whatever they were doing when Orym gave them a massage. That exactly.

Braius: We don't know him that well yet so I'm not sure? I think he'd be fairly loud and exuberant, with a lot of praise for his partner. Lots of talking, not concerned with whoever tf might hear him. He's a slippery one, voice-wise, it's hard to place him.

Chet: .......guys I don't know if I wanna picture all the weird old gnome noises. I think probably it's half weird old gnome noises and half werewolf howling. Probably very bad at dirty talk but in a charming way. He's silly with it, and silly sex is important! I do also like the idea of him dropping into the werewolf voice too <3 werewolf transformation during sex is also important. He is talking JUST as loud as he always does. That man cannot whisper.

Dorian: Obviously his voice is beautiful, and I imagine that if you do things right, you can get him up into that really high-pitched voice he does sometimes, usually actually when he's nervous. Dorian's such a proper lad so he doesn't swear very much (it's hard to write from his pov bc I don't think he even swears much in his own head) but I think you can get him rambling if you try. It's not that dirty, per se? But if he's very plain about what he's feeling it can be unintentionally filthy. The air genasi unending breath thing is of course something I use a lot in fics, and I like to think of it as an emotional response, like a gasp that doesn't end, but you can't vocalize much unless you're breathing in or out, so he's quiet when he does that. And he's a romantic! Very likely to just say "I love you" when he comes.

FCG: you might've thought I wasn't putting FCG on this list but THINK AGAIN, I want them and Frida to have at least one night of robot passion! Now. Do I think robot sex noises sound like dial-up? Yeah. Yeah I do. Actually, Letters probably sounds like dial-up, Frida probably sounds like..... like the haptic noises on the PS4 home screen. Listen I know that's a weird pull but that's the closest thing I've got. I think there would be a lot of talking and communication, probably a lot more of that than there is of sex. However robot sex happens. I've read some fanfiction for them and it's cute!

Fearne: oh fearnie <3 she probably sounds SO beautiful, her voice is already so breathy and sweet! I think (and often write) that the tone of sickeningly sweet condescension she pulls on people sometimes, especially when she's laying it on thick while lying to someone, comes out when she's domming. Generally more soft and gentle with her voice but she can get loud too, especially if she's trying to be noisy on purpose. Moans a TON and sounds good doing it. She can get a little theatrical if she knows her partner's into it, not in a way where she's faking it, but letting herself put more oomph into it than she needs to.

Imogen: I can see her doing a lot more low, gentle talking that gets interrupted by little gasps. Definitely the type who puts her hands over her face when she gets too overwhelmed, so she muffles herself a little bit. Not very loud, but tends to get kind of startled into making noises. It would also be cute as hell if she goes completely quiet sometimes but just sends out a BARRAGE of horny emotions telepathically.

Laudna: Very loud and has no idea she's doing it. Will say Imogen's name 30 times in one minute. I feel like she rotates between soft, whispery sort of talking and extremely loud crying out. Her higher register when she talks tends to be very loud and clear (think how she calls out a name when she's sending a Message to someone) so you can hear her anywhere in the building.

Orym: Somewhat similar to how I picture Imogen, I think Orym is big into praising his partner in that kind of low, gentle voice he has when he's explaining something (the scene I'm picturing is when he's describing his and Will's family as they're coming into Zephrah). Unexpectedly filthy, though (Orym is pretty good at keeping it professional but does swear in a way that sounds natural and probably dirty talks like that, too). Very calmly tells his partner exactly what he wants to do to them--let's not forget that Orym makes a LOT of sex jokes, like only slightly less than Fearne and Chet. If he bottoms he's probably less verbal, but still kind of quiet, little moans and gasps separated by half-sentences.

[p-redux]

PSA: to all the "just landed on the planet, don't know how showbiz works" Anons constantly sending me Asks about Sam and Eleanor having a romantic thing in real life because of the "flirting" they're doing on social media. STOP. You're being annoying AF. 🙄

Sam and Eleanor are engaging in PROMO to SELL their series, The Couple Next Door. Part of TCND involves Sam and Eleanor's FICTIONAL CHARACTERS getting hot and heavy with each other. Hence, the ACTORS are playing up that vibe and chemistry. Do they get along in real life and have become friends? It seems so. But that does not take away from the fact that ALL their current interactions are purposely done to PROMOTE their WORK.

The same way Sam and Caitriona Balfe SOLD the epic love story of Jamie and Claire on Outlander. Promo, sell, promo, sell, promo sell... because if actors don't promo and sell, they don't continue to work.

In addition, and as a reminder to the permanently clueless: the sex scenes are not improvised, and Sam and Eleanor happen to be alone in a bed with a camera with a self timer. Doh. Every word they are saying is literally written by a professional television writer. Every move they make is directed by the director. And they even had an intimacy coach for the sex scenes. So, she directed them also. Then, there are the lighting people standing there, the sound people standing there, the production people standing there, the camera people standing there, assorted other crew standing there LITERALLY watching them film the sex scenes. It may look sexy, but try fake fucking in front of at least 15 people and see how "sexy and real" it is. The ONLY reason it looks so hot is because Sam and Eleanor are great at their JOBS.

This is SO obvious, a child could understand it. I don't know why I have to explain such obvious things to GROWN WOMEN. Showbiz isn't real, folks. Actors literally get paid to tell fictional stories, "it's not real," and all that jazz.

Please figure out how life works and quit bugging me. Anymore dumbass questions about Sam and Eleanor and how "it can't just be to promote TCND, " and "Sam may steal Eleanor away from her husband" and you will be blocked. For the crime of being a supreme idiot. Sorry, the older I get, the less tolerance I have for morons. Don't be one. And we will be fine.

Can you tell I've been flooded with annoying Anons lately? 🙃

[littleshysheep-at-da]

My absolute top ships from KumoDesu are Shiro x Ariel and Shun x Katia x Kyouya so let me just post all my main reasoning in one post. I have 100% posted some of these before in Asks because it all comes from my Headcanons/Opinions Doc. And some of these are worded a bit all over the place but it’s the thought that counts.

On Shiro x Ariel:

Shiroai/Kumoko x Ariel… is good stuff. The way Kumoko talks about women… is just not heterosexual lol. Her joking about how she’s in love with them (calling herself a kept man with D and all her convos with Ariel about confessing her love) and staring at boobs. Also the quick and brief description of men versus how she talks about women (how when she talks about how Mera’s “probably a catch” sounds so unsure and like how a Lesbain would describe what to look for in a man). There’s a lot to support this of how they care about each other. And how they really don’t want anything bad to happen to each other. The “I’ll accept no other ending besides one where the Demon Lord is smiling” is cute af.

But on the Grandmother Ariel and Granddaughter Shiro thing. So I could see this being a reason for people not wanting to Ship Ariel x Shiro. But I always felt they joke about this because in reality they are not related like that. All of Ariel’s “Children” are technically made with a cloning skill so they’re biologically the same. And the Egg Laying skill the Queen Taratects use does the same thing as well. So it’s not incest it’s clone fucking. ALSO Shiro remakes her body with her own magic plus her mind is a God’s Deep Fake of a High School Girl and an Average Japanese Spider.

On Shun x Katia x Kyouya:

“They're weird about each other” is one of my favorite Shipping reasons because it’s so true. I mean Shun and Katia are pretty solid in Canon and I would say I’m just adding Kyouya to it to make it an OT3 but also once I see it I can’t unsee it. Just the fact that all 3 of them single out their “Friendship” as something special. I don’t think Katia super had other friends in her past life (being an uncracked egg will make that hard) but Shun and Kyouya did and they never really mention it. Shun was peak NPC and was not super close but friendly to most of the guys but he NEVER mentions it until running into them again (apparently he was on a soccer team and just, never thought it was important or that big a deal). And it’s Shiro who mentions it seems like Kyouya and Shinobu were friends in their past life, Kyouya barely mentions it even after seeing him again. Just the “you're weird about each other” being a way of saying “that’s a little more than a friendship I think” basically.

I think Katia is very protective of her boys. It’s kinda obvious when she meets Shun again and then when they get in dangerous situations. She’s so scared of losing the people she cares about (I think she’s often the most aware of how different and how dangerous the fantasy world is compared to their previous lives). I think the realization Kyouya probably isn’t on their side (because of how Oka kept avoiding the topic) probably hurt her a lot, because she doesn’t want to abandon him but also is too scared about losing Shun as it is (and I feel like when she puts everything together after the fact she feels super guilty for not pressing more). It kinda seemed she really didn’t have many people she was close to in her past life and the fact that Shun (and I’m gonna Headcanon here later Kyouya) still accept her despite everything that’s “different” (cough cough egg cracked) is huge to her. I’m glad in the Novel Shun always does a very good job conveying how much he appreciates, relays on, and trusts her because god she needs it.

Shun is an Emotional Support Dumbass. And anyone who hates him (usually people who only saw his botched Anime version) can meet me in the pit. I also think his general easy going-ness probably helped both Katia and Kyouya a lot in their past lives (because it seemed like neither of them had the easiest home life’s and then they have it rough again after being reincarnated rip).

On intent vs execution:

I think an important thing to keep in mind with Headcanons/Shipping is Intent versus Execution, basically there are things the Author might not have intended but do Read a certain way. Though in Headcanon/Shipping I am not against fun and you are completely allowed to like bonkers crack (as long as you don’t mistake it for Canon or force it on others like some Fanon people do). But Two things I will say with my Two Fav Ships for Kumoko (OTP Shiroai x Ariel and OT3 Shun x Katia x Kyouya) is I feel both of them may not be intended but they do strongly Read as Canon (or at least strong basis for), to me at least anyway.

With Shiroai x Ariel I feel the Author probably just is attracted to women himself but because of this parts from both of their perspectives come off as really Lesbain.

With Shun x Katia x Kyouya I would say “they’re weird about each other (affectionate)”. It took me a while to realize but all of them (maybe not Katia as much as Shun and Kyouya) have other friends, they may not have been as close but they did have other friends. So the fact they all single their Relationship out as something special reads as Romantic/Polyamorous leaning to me. Especially because they always mention the Three of them, as a Trio.