#‘it’s just who you are as a person that makes you care.’ shut the FUCK up

[fayes-fics]

The Ballad of Blunt Pencil & Pizza Wheel

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, modern AU

Summary: Comedy texting fic. Childhood frenemies moving in together is a great idea. Isn't it?

Warnings: None really. Swearing, references to sex, masturbation, dirty talk and spanking. Frenemies to lovers. Comedy. A fuckton of sass. Bridgerton family shenanigans.

Word Count: 3.9k tricky with text fics ngl

Author's Note: Request fill for Anon (who wanted Ben and reader to have been secretly in love with each other and get together after she has a breakup). It might be slightly unusual, but it’s what the muse insisted on as a response. Thanks to the ever-patient @colettebronte, who willingly reads my silliness, including a partial version of this nonsense. Enjoy! <3

BB: *Fraggle Rock theme tune*

Y/N: Why don't you just say hello like a normal person? Y/N: *Insert sighing emoji here* (I can't be arsed to find it)

BB: Excuse me, this is actually a very supportive message BB: I heard from El you got dumped

Y/N: And how does an 80s kids' show theme song help me with that??

BB: Have you paid attention to the opening line??

Y/N: No…? Y/N: Too busy enjoying the rocking guitar tbh

BB: Fair BB: 🎶Dance your cares away, worries for another day🎶 BB: See?? supportive

Y/N: You are so weird Y/N: And also oddly accurate. He was a total muppet

BB: It’s taken you 30 years to figure that out?? BB: Sorry to hear it

Y/N: No, just… appreciating it. Well, you Y/N: Thank you, by the way

BB: 🫶😀

—

3 weeks later

Y/N: What is the capital of Burundi? Pub quiz is getting fractious

BB: Why don't you cheat like every other team and just use Google? BB: Why bother old friends?

Y/N: Oh, I'm sorry, Mr Charisma, I didn't realise your Tuesday night was so busy

BB: Friends don't leave friends who love pub quizzes out of their pub quiz teams 😛

Y/N: You're cute when you sulk Y/N: So… the answer?

BB: I’m not Jeeves  BB: Look it up yourself

Y/N: Wow, you really are such a blunt pencil

BB: ??

Y/N: Pointless

BB: Alright, pizza wheel

Y/N: ??

BB: All edge, no point

Y/N: *has left the conversation*

BB: Typing it doesn't make it happen

Y/N: *HAS LEFT THE CONVERSATION*

BB: Neither does yelling it pizza wheel

Y/N: Don't make me call you pencil boy…

—

5 weeks later

Y/N: Pencil boy, it happened again

BB: Yeah… definitely don't like that BB: What did?

Y/N: Send TV theme…

BB: *Fraggle rock theme intensifies*

Y/N: Thank you

BB: No problems BB: Sorry to hear it

Y/N: Me too. Really thought this one would stick Y/N: He even liked my Cabbage Patch kids 

BB: You still have that shit?! BB: They are low-key terrifying

Y/N: He did turn them all around when we had sex though 🤔 

BB: Got his number?

Y/N: Why??

BB: Sort of agree with him on that. Might want to be his friend, not yours

Y/N: Shut up, Pencil Boy

BB: Pizza Wheel BB: We have to stop flirting like this 👀

Y/N: Pffft  Y/N: This isn’t flirting 

BB: Isn’t it?

Y/N: Are your clothes still on? 

BB: Well, yeah…

Y/N: Then it’s not my style of flirting 

BB: Bit slutty (supportive)

Y/N: The brackets saved you there, Pencil Boy

BB: Well aware BB: You’ll be okay. There’s someone better out there for you BB: Someone who appreciates Cabbage Patch kids

Y/N: THANK YOU. Was that so hard?

—

4 days later

Y/N: Can I call you?

BB: Yes of course BB: What’s wrong?

Y/N: Best explained over the phone  

BB: Okay. I’m here BB: Whatever you need

2 hours later

Y/N: Thank you friend Y/N: Just… thank you 

BB: Anytime 🧡 BB: I meant what I said BB: If you need it, it’s yours

Y/N: You are a great and wonderful friend Y/N: I may well do so 🧡

BB: You are always welcome here. For as long as you need

Y/N: 🫂😘

—

1 day later

CB: You invited Y/N to move in with you?!?!

AB: 😳 Surely not?!?! AB: He can only have one colossally bad idea a week and that hoodie was a choice

BB: Good evening to you too brothers BB: Hope you’re well BB: I'm fine, thanks. You?

CB: Yeah yeah whatever CB: I don't see a denial here

BB: 🤷 

AB: You fucking idiot

BB: Why? I’m trying to help a friend here BB: I thought it was a nice thing to do?

CB: It is 

AB: Usually 

CB: There’s just one problem 

AB: You are completely in love with her and have been since you were 5

BB: Pffft BB: Please…

CB: That’s your denial??  CB: Even I could do a more convincing job than that

BB: Pen would suggest otherwise…

AB: Don’t fling mud to distract AB: We are talking about your stupidity atm, not his

CB: Oi

AB: Don’t even

BB: Listen… she just got dumped for the 100th time BB: Her flatmate is moving out cos they lost their job BB: She can’t afford the rent on her own or a place by herself at the moment cos she’s still burdened with debt resettlement from her criminal asshat ex from 2 years ago BB: She needs to be in London for her job and her parents have moved to Wales BB: What would you have done?

CB: Tell her to move in with El?  CB: Or literally any of her other friends?!

BB: Well I have a spare room…

AB: So does El

BB:

AB: Memes? Really?

CB: You’re just jealous cos you can’t figure out text attachments

AB: Shut up

CB: Kate thinks it’s hilarious

AB: Leave my wife out of this

*BB has left the group*

*AB added BB back into the group*

AB: You don’t get to quit being our brother 

BB: Shame

3 minutes later

CB: Wait… What did you mean about Pen?

AB: How can you be this stupid? I paid for you to go to Eton…

*BB has left the group*

AB: Can’t fault him this time tbh

*AB has left the group*

CB: Rude…

—

1 week later

EB: I have a spare room y'know

Y/N: I’m aware

EB: So why subject yourself to Ben?

Y/N: You are all so horrible about each other 

EB: And you love to watch it 

Y/N: 🤷‍♀️🍿 Y/N: Anyway, I’m here now Y/N: He bought new bedding for me 🥹 Y/N: I didn’t have the heart to tell him I already have 4 sets

EB: I know he’s my brother and thus deserving of shit. But don’t torture him too much

Y/N: What the fuck are you talking about?

EB: I suspect he has a leeedle crush on you tbh

Y/N: Pffft Y/N: No he doesn’t Y/N: All we do is call each other names and snark  Y/N: It’s been that way since 1994. I don’t see it changing anytime soon

EB: It’s like she’s never read Shakespeare

Y/N: That’s BenedicK, not BenedicT

EB: Funny how you knew exactly what play I was referring to, Beatrice

5 seconds later

Y/N: Gen… Is Ben into me?!

GD: What’s brought this on?

Y/N: Answer the question!

GD: Why are you asking me if my ex likes you?

Y/N: Please… You fucked like twice 3 years ago and are still friends Y/N: Don’t pretend there is any trauma here Y/N: I’d really like to know, seeing as I’ve just moved in with him 

GD: You fucking did WHAT?! GD: Why?!

Y/N: I needed a new place Y/N: He was the first to offer

GD: What kind of rash reason is that?! GD: I have a spare room GD: El has a spare room GD: Dave and the gambling debts in your name weren’t bad enough…? GD: It’s like you’re actively trying to live in a Greek tragedy, I swear

Y/N: Don’t invoke that shit’s name

GD: Sorry GD: But really…

Y/N: So you’re saying he’s into me

GD: For an intelligent woman, you know fuck all GD: Even about yourself

Y/N: Why are all my friends so rude to me?!

GD: Bitch please. You are so in love with him

Y/N: I’m not

GD: Yes you are  GD: He’s always the first person you text when you have a breakup

Y/N: Yeah… cos he’s the only one of my friends who ISN'T RUDE TO ME

GD: OR you always want him to be the first to know you’re single again

Y/N: Not sure I want to be your friend anymore

GD: Fine. Give me back my Canada Goose coat

Y/N: Let's not be too hasty now…

—

2 days later

BB: Do we have milk?

Y/N: How should I know? I don’t drink the stuff

BB: Aren’t you working from home today?

Y/N: Yeah? And?

BB: You have these amazing things called legs…

Y/N: I have a block button too y’know

BB: You wouldn't block the hero who single-handedly removed 2 spiders from your room last night

Y/N: … … Fiiiiine

20 seconds later

Y/N: We, or rather YOU, could do with some more

BB: Okay. Thank you

Y/N: If you’re in the mood, I wouldn't say no to some cheesecake

BB: I’m not in the mood BB: Mostly because you are lactose intolerant and won't stop bitching about the regret afterwards BB: I’ll get you some non-dairy brownies

Y/N: What kind of flatmate are you?

BB: The awful kind who looks out for your best interests

Y/N: Urghhh, the very worst

—

3 days later

Y/N: Bennnnnnn!! BEN!! SOS!!! Y/N: ANOTHER 🕷️

BB: It’s fucking 3am

Y/N: That's why I texted Y/N: So much politer than screaming and banging on your wall Y/N: It’s not my fault you live on some kind of spider superhighway Y/N: I never would have moved in here if I knew

BB: It’s harmless. Go back to sleep

Y/N: What about if this time it’s some poisonous one that crawled from a Shein package? And you wake up to a dead flatmate?

BB: Arguably, that’s appropriate payback for your endorsement of such a horrendous company

Y/N: I don't judge you for your odd shelf of little rocks Y/N: So don’t judge me for my sparkly shoe addiction

BB: How about I lend you a rock to throw at the spiders?

Y/N: How could you?!? I don't wish death upon them Y/N: Just for them to live their lives nowhere within my vicinity Y/N: You know you would have been back to sleep by now if you had just come in here?

BB: I’m aware BB: I have no idea why I’m still arguing with you on text BB: Slightly worried what that says about me tbh

Y/N: IT’S MOVING TOWARDS ME

BB: omw

—

9 days later

KB: You guys need to stop

Y/N: What? Y/N: Why are you texting from my kitchen?

KB: Look at yourself KB: It’s not your kitchen. It’s my brother-in-law’s

Y/N: I live here too, Kate

KB: And you need to stop

Y/N: STOP WHAT?

KB: Do you see where your feet are?

Y/N: ??On the sofa??

KB: They are in Ben’s lap

Y/N: And??

KB: He has his hands wrapped around your ankles

Y/N: And?? Y/N: I get cold. He helps me sometimes

KB: When are you guys going to admit to what is happening here

Y/N: NOTHING IS HAPPENING

KB: Sure Jan

Y/N: Get back over here with the Monster Munch. I need Netflix snacks, not judgement

KB: I’m just saying… I pulled this shit with Ant and you rightly called me on it

Y/N: MONSTER MUNCH KATE

KB: Don’t glare over at me like that. Way to make it fucking obvious…

2 seconds later

*BB added KB and Y/N to a new group*

BB: What are you two arguing about?!

Y/N: Mind ya business, Pencil Boy

KB: Your lack of decent snacks

BB: Not my area. She is responsible for all junk food purchases in this household. I will not be held liable.

3 seconds later

KB: Pencil boy??

Y/N: It's a long story

4 seconds later

*AB added KB, BB & Y/N to a new group*

AB: ARE WE WATCHING THIS FUCKING FILM OR NOT?!

—

1 month later

Y/N: Gen… I fucked up

GD: What did you do??

Y/N: I should never have moved in here

GD: Yeah, I told you that weeks ago GD: Why the sudden revelation?

Y/N: He has a girl here

GD: And?

Y/N: I can hear them… thru the wall

GD: Yikes GD: Go for a walk or something

Y/N: No Gen. It's worse Y/N: So much worse Y/N: I can hear what he is saying

GD: GO FOR A WALK

Y/N: Gen help Y/N: Help Y/N: H.E.L.P. Y/N: It's turning me on…

GD: I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW ANY OF THIS!

Y/N: I had no idea he was a dirty talker

GD: I could have told you that…

Y/N: Why didn't you?!

GD: Why would that ever be relevant to our friendship?!

Y/N: You know that’s my weakness Y/N: You should have WARNED ME

GD: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO PREDICT YOU WOULD EAVESDROP ON HIM HAVING SEX?!

Y/N: This is so awful Y/N: I don't know what to do Y/N: I’m in a quandary Y/N: A damp quandary

GD: Eww T-M-FUCKING-I

Y/N: I might as well just masturbate at this point

GD: I am hanging up on this text thread GD: I’m also off to put this phone in Dettol. Don't text me again for another few days

—

2 days later

BB: Why are you avoiding me?

Y/N: I’m not

BB: Yes you are BB: You haven't been home the last two nights BB: El said you’ve been hanging around her place 

Y/N: Ok fine. I am Y/N: This is so awkward Y/N: I… I heard you Y/N: Having sex  Y/N: I’m weirded out, okay?

BB: Shit… BB: I’m so sorry  BB: I thought you were out on a date

Y/N: It got rescheduled

BB: I'm so sorry BB: Next time I have company, I will double-check if you are home first

Y/N: Thank you Y/N: I will do the same

BB: Much appreciated BB: So, will you come home?  BB: There’s a new series of The Cleaner tonight 

Y/N: It's not real blood, you know?

BB: I know, but it looks like it

Y/N: You can't keep hiding behind me. You miss key plot points. It's a comedy show, you know

BB: Just get back here, Pizza Wheel

Y/N: Calm down, Pencil Boy I’m on my way

—

9 days later

BB: Send him home

Y/N: ??

BB: You heard me

Y/N: Why are you eavesdropping on my Tinder hookup?

BB: Don’t make me come in there and be a caveman about this. Just… BB: SEND HIM HOME

Y/N: I need sex

BB: Not from a twat like that you don’t BB: When he is out of the bathroom, I want you to send him away

Y/N: … Fine

3 minutes later

BB: Thank you

Y/N: You owe me a bloody orgasm

BB: He was likely incapable of giving you one  BB: When you are sober, you will thank me BB: And probably regret that last comment

Y/N: I regret nothing Y/N: I DARE you Benedict fucking Bridgerton Y/N: I fucking DARE you to give me an orgasm

4 hours later

Y/N: Gen Gen Gen GENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN Y/N: I know it's 2am, you are probably asleep, but I have to tell you smthg right the fuck nowwww Y/N: So, Ben went all protector shit on a loser I picked up on Tinder Y/N: Made me throw him out Y/N: I bitched that he owed me an orgasm Y/N: Might have been a bit too sassy, too many drinks Y/N: Anyway GENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN Y/N: GENNNNNNNNNNNNNNN Y/N: He stomps into my room, and god, he just…. Y/N: ARGHHHHHHHH Gen, he just took me, like respectfully, but also not at all respectfully Y/N: HE GAVE ME TWO Y/N: I am floating on a cloud. I can't feel my fucking knees Y/N: My flatmate is the best fuck I have EVER had Y/N: THIS IS TERRIBLE AND WONDERUL Y/N:  I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE Y/N:  HELP  Y/N:  PS Pls don't tell anyone

20 seconds later

BB: Stop freaking out about what just happened and come back to bed

Y/N: Ben we just…

BB: I know. Active, enthusiastic participant here BB: Don’t spiral about it. Just come back to bed BB: We can talk in the morning

Y/N: Did we just ruin everything?

BB: How is that not spiralling? BB: Get your lovely arse out of the bathroom and back in this bed, y/n, or istg I will spank it

Y/N: 😲🥵

BB: Oh I see. Hmm BB: Good to know 😜

—

5 hours later

GD: WHAT THE SERIOUS FUCK?!?!?!?! GD: THIS IS WHAT I WAKE UP TO?! GD: WHY DO YOU LIVE LIKE THIS?!? GD: CALL ME!!!!

2 hours later

EB: Why aren’t you at work today? Are you sick? EB: Did the Shein spider get you? 

1 hour later

EB: I guess it did  EB: Serves you right 😛

1 hour later

GD: WHY THE FUCK HAVEN’T YOU CALLED ME BACK YET? GD: I must have left like 10 missed calls by now

2 hours later

AB: Not to sound like a total dick, I know we’re family etc., but you are supposed to tell me if you’re taking a day off work Ben AB: Even nepo babies have some responsibilities

30 minutes later

KB: Why are Gen and El wondering where you are? KB: Text them, and also me now, too KB: I’m vaguely concerned but mostly nosey tbh

2 hours later

EB: ?????????

1 hour later

GD: Call me bitch.

2 hours later

CB: Where the fuck are you Ben?  CB: You never miss boys' night down The Ship normally?

30 mins later

Y/N: Uh hi 👋 Y/N: Sorry… Y/N: I uhh have been busy today

EB: Gen and I were ABOUT TO SEND OUT A SEARCH PARTY

Y/N: Please tell her I’m okay Y/N: I will call. Just not now

EB: Where are you?

Y/N: At home

EB: I am coming over!

Y/N: Please don’t

EB: Why not?

Y/N: Another time Y/N: I know I’m being all mysterious and shit Y/N: I will explain everything I promise

EB: Is Ben there?

Y/N: Yes

EB: Then tell him to look after you EB: I’m weirded out, you weirdo

Y/N: Oh he will  Y/N: I promise you he will Y/N: I errr won't be at work tomorrow either. Can you tell the boss?

EB: Are you sick?!

Y/N: Umm… yeah, let's go with that

EB: STOP BEING SO WEIRD

5 seconds later

BB: El, y/n is fine

EB: How is this any of your business?

BB: You literally asked for me to look after her 5 seconds ago

EB: How do you know that?! EB: Are you reading her texts?!

BB: She is showing them to me

EB: WHY!?! EB: What is this cloak and dagger shit?! EB: Did you fuck or something? Lol

1 minute later

EB: DID YOU?!?

1 minute later

EB: Y/N DID YOU FUCK MY BROTHER?!?

1 minute later

*EB added BB & Y/N to a new group*

EB: Answer me, you sneaky bitches

BB: We would appreciate some privacy at this time

10 seconds later

*EB added KB, AB, CB, PF, DB and SB to a new group*

EB: BEN AND Y/N ARE FUCKING

SB: Hello sister-in-law. Long time no chat. So lovely for us to catch up this way

EB: Don’t sass me Bassett

PF: Err okay. Why… why am I on this Bridgerton family chat?

EB: Bitch please, you are family. Well, you will be soon

PF: ??

*CB removed PF from the group*

AB: Subtle

DB: Super smooth

*EB added PF to the group*

EB: IS NO ONE GOING TO RESPOND TO THIS LIFE-ALTERING NEWS?

KB: I mean… we all knew it was going to happen

CB: Surprised he held out this long tbh

DB: He’s been in love with her since we were kids

EB: I thought he just fancied her a bit?!?!

AB: And they call ME the unobservant one?!

*PF left the group*

CB: Look what you did

*EB added PF to the group*

KB: Why did I marry into this family?

SB: I’ll take you for a drink sometime. You too Pen.

PF: ??

EB: You’re all useless.

—

2 days later

GD: *sings Where Do You Go by No Mercy tunelessly in your general direction*  GD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yt-KMPvgKPo 

Y/N: Awful but also bangin cheese choon for a Sunday evening ngl

GD: SHE LIVES!! GD: El seemed to think you have been having nonstop sex since Thursday. GD: She’s also not handling that idea very well—lots of tequila.

Y/N: Not enough songs only have about 7 lyrics anymore. I miss the 90s.

GD: Avoiding that statement, huh?

Y/N: I will not dignify it with a response

GD: So that’s a yes

Y/N: 👀

8 days later

BB: I hate having a job 😘

Y/N: Me too… 😘 Y/N: I’ll be naked when you get home if that's any consolation

BB: I’m leaving now

Y/N: It’s only 11am lol Y/N: Stay there. I will see you later. It will be worth the wait. 😉

BB: You have been. BB: And I don't just mean today 😘

Y/N: 🥹 😘

56 days later

AB: Is this email for real?

BB: Yes. Yes, it is

AB: Wow. OK then AB: Congratulations

BB: Thank you. I'm very happy

AB: We can tell, brother, we can tell 

1 hour later

*KB added Y/N, SB & PF to a new group*

KB: Y/N, we meet every Wednesday for drinks. 

SB: Welcome to the fam, soon-to-be Mrs Bridgerton. It sucks; you are going to love it.

PF: Still not sure why I'm invited, but god, you guys are so much bloody fun I don't even care, lol.

10 seconds later

Y/N: Are you going to tell Pen, or should I?

KB: Naaahhh. It's more fun this way KB: Another very smart woman with a complete Bridgerton brother blindspot

Y/N: That sounds pointed

KB: You and me both, sister. You and me both.

Benedict taglist pt1: @makaylan @longingintheuniverse @iboopedyournose @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @fictionalmenloversblog @zinzysstuff @malpalgalz @panhoeofmanyfandoms @kinokomoonshine @causeimissu @delehosies @m-rae23 @last-sheep @kmc1989 @ferns-fics @corpseoftrees-queen @magical-spit @bunnyweasley23 @how-many-stars-in-the-sky @hanji-emo-blog @sya-skies @urfavnoirette

[orions-choker]

Even tho I'm really bad at giving ideas, maybe something with james sneaking into your bedroom at night?

Warnings: Slight size kink, vague pain kink if you squint, rough sex, unprotected sex.

Wordcount: 3,371

The muffled sounds of rowdy laughter from downstairs thrummed against the back of Y/N’s skull like a constant unwavering presence. It hurt, it was too loud, too overstimulating. Harshly she pinched the skin between her eyebrows, if she caused more pain there maybe it would distract her from the worsening headache…it didn’t. She really didn’t want to be that person, the annoying roommate who ruined everyone else’s fun by telling them to shut the fuck up on a Saturday night. If she could just tune it out it would be okay, deep breaths, close her eyes.

Her feet were hitting the plushness of her carpeted floor before she could stop them. Soft padding sounds as she strode across her room and pushed open the door. With gentle thuds she made her way downstairs. Gathered in her living room was her roommate, along with her boyfriend Lars and his bandmates. She knew them well enough, Cliff, Dave and James. They were here every weekend. Maybe it was because they had a seemingly never ending supply of booze in the house, or maybe it was because of the way James’s eyes always seemed to linger on her.

Y/N couldn’t deny that James was cute. She would be blind to not see it, he was tall, lean, had sandy blonde hair that truthfully looked like it hadn’t seen conditioner once in its life but was pretty nonetheless. Even the spattering of acne across his cheeks and jaw was endearing. However cute he was though, didn’t make up for the fact that all of them were loud. She frowned at all of them gently. “Hey Y/N, you good?” Her roommate asked her kindly.

With a wince Y/N rubbed at her temples, trying to soothe the headache that had gripped her skull and violently shook it. “I am so sorry but could you guys be just…a little quieter.” It was kinder than what she really wanted to scream at them. Tell them all to shut the fuck up and stop yelling at two in the morning. She watched the guy’s faces fall at her request, a soft grumbled agreement passing over the group. Her roommate smiling apologetically at her. “Thank you,” She sighed softly and nodded at them.

It didn’t bother her so much that she could hear Lars and Dave bitching about her as she turned to walk back up the stairs. She didn’t need them to like her, she didn’t care what they thought. As long as her roommate didn’t hate her and she could keep the peace she was content. Finally it was quiet upstairs the sounds from downstairs no longer filtering up, her room becoming a sweet sanctuary as she flipped the lights off. The pounding in her head easing up as she took a sip of the lukewarm water on her nightstand and crawled back into her bed.

Her eyes closed as she leaned back against her pillows, the softness cradling her head gently. She wanted to will herself to sleep, her mind opting to daydream about a certain tall blonde guitarist. She hardly knew James and that made it easier for her to inflict her own assumptions of what his personality was like onto her fictionalized version of him. Sometimes he was soft and sweet, laying her down and kissing her stupid until she passed out. Other’s she pictured his toned body holding her down against the bed and breaking her in over and over. It was easy to crush on a pretty boy when you didn’t know him.

There was a warm crackling beneath her ribcage as she let herself get sucked into the never ending loop of fantasies she had on repeat in her head. Her palm sliding down her body slowly, fingertips dipping beneath the waistband of her pajama bottoms. The soft pad of her fingers pressing against the dampening fabric of her panties. Then there was a creak, a soft stream of light dancing across the backs of her eyelids as her door was pushed open.

With a jump she yanked her hand out from beneath her pants as she sat up straight like a metal rod had replaced her spine. Her eyes snapping open just in time to see the dim light from the hallway disappear as her door closed once more. However standing at the end of her room was a dark tall silhouette, walking towards her slowly and hesitant. “James?” She hissed in surprise.

“Don’t stop on my account.” The soft raspiness to his voice made her stomach twist. The way he spoke was like he was trying to be confident but there was an underlying hint of shyness that surprised her. For being the front man of a metal band he seemed…soft and uncertain of himself. “You looked really pretty, I wanna see more.” Her bed dipped at the end under the weight of his knees. His body slowly crawled atop hers.

James’s rough calloused fingers wrapped around her hand, gently grabbing her wrist and guiding her hand back to the waistband of her pajamas. She could faintly see his features as her eyes adjusted to him in the dark once more. “What are you doing?” She asked hesitantly but she didn’t fight the way he moved her arm.

He smiled softly at her. “You looked like you were in a lot of pain so I came to check if you were okay.” He mumbled, his head dipping down beside hers. She could feel his breath ghosting across the skin of her neck. He smelt like booze, cigarettes and leather. It was weirdly intoxicating. “Seems like you’re doing okay though…you sound really nice moaning my name.” He teased her. Y/N’s breath hitched in her throat, had she been saying his name? She hadn’t even realized she had been making any noises. His hand was guiding hers further beneath her bottoms. Then his lips pressed against the side of her jaw and she let out a strangled gasp. He spoke against her skin. “Wanna show me how you touch yourself when you think about me?”

His heavy hand pressed her finger tips against her wet heat through the fabric of her underwear once more, guiding her hand to roll soft circles across her clit. His lips marked a path down to where her neck met her shoulder. A soft moan spilled from her lips as he continued to press his hand down against her own forcing her to touch herself. The whole situation felt unreal, like something straight out of one of her daydreams. But this was different, a different possibility to the way she usually imagined James. He was soft and romantic or rough and demanding. He was nervous, sweet and eager underneath a facade of indifference. She liked the unexpected .

Y/N pulled her hand back, watched as he pulled away from her neck with a disappointed look. “You said you wanted to watch?” She asked quietly as she hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her pajamas and underwear, tugging them down her thighs in one go. He smiled in relief, his eyes dropping down between her legs and he sucked in a harsh breath. James settled back on his knees, his heavy hands moving to push her legs further apart for a better view.

“You’re prettier than I imagined.” he hummed appreciatively. His calloused thumbs rubbed small circles into the milky flesh of her inner thighs. Y/N flushed softly at that. He imagined her? The same way she imagined him. Absently she wondered if she was living up to his preconceived notions of her personality. “C’mon touch yourself.” It was commanding, like he had taken a small shot of confidence.

Her hand dipped gingerly down to press her fingers against her puffy swollen clit. She let out a shaky sigh at the relief it brought. Every motion seemed to be intensified underneath James’s piercing gaze. Her eyes fluttered close to avoid the intensity of his eyes as she worked herself in slow gentle motions. It was a little more tame than the way she would usually work herself fast and hard to bring her release quickly, but if he wanted a show she would give it to him. Two fingers slipped down and sunk into herself, warm and wet constricting around the intrusion. “Oh fuck,” Y/N gasped, throwing her head back against the pillows.

James choked out a groan, his fingers digging into the flesh of her legs where he kept her propped open. “Yeah just like that beautiful, fuck you’re so hot.” He encouraged her. His cock was straining so hard against the front of his jeans he thought he might pop the button on them. One hand left Y/N’s thighs to press his palm down harshly against his hard on, the friction providing little relief. “Tell me how you think about me fucking you.” He groaned.

With a wet pop Y/N pulled her fingers from herself, watching as the slick that coated her hand dripped onto her stomach as she rested her hand there. Her chest heaving with soft pants. “T-think about you fucking me raw.” She mumbled, her hands sliding up her body to push her shirt up, the fabric pooling underneath her chin as she exposed her chest to James, reveling in the way his breath hitched at the sight. “Want you to split me open, wreck me for anyone else, over and over again.” Her hands reached out, hooking her fingers into his belt loops and tugging him closer.

“Yeah?” James grunted, shuffling his knees forward so he was better pressed against her body. A wetness spread across the denim from where he settled his hips against her. “S’that what you want?” His fingers tapped impatiently against the flesh of her thighs as he rolled his hips against her seeking some sort of friction to ease the tension. “You can have it baby, help me out here a little.” He nodded down towards the strain in his jeans.

Quickly Y/N scrambled up onto her knees, tugging her shirt fully off her body. She leaned up to kiss him, it was instantly sloppy and wet, his tongue pushing into her mouth without waiting. Her hands pressed against the front of his jeans, palming him teasingly through the fabric and he groaned into her mouth. Pulling back just a bit to mumble against her lips. “Quit fucking teasing and pull it out.”

The words shot heat straight down to her core, she was pretty sure she was dripping onto her sheets and she would definitely need to wash them tomorrow. Her fingers clumsily popped open the button, sliding the zipper down carefully over the straining bulge. James let out a breathy sigh of relief as some of the pressure was taken off. She let him devour her mouth once more, tongue fucking her throat until she couldn’t breath as she reached into his underwear.

The weight in her palm made her pull back from the kiss in surprise, her eyes going wide as she looked down at his length in her hand. She slid it down to the base before wrapping the next one around him above it, and his tip still peaked out from beneath her fists. She whimpered softly at the sight. “Fuck, s’gonna hurt.” She whispered in disbelief. It was so pretty, reddened and hard. Shiny with the spread of his pre cum around the head.

James laughed softly, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth as he looked down to watch her smaller hands pump him slowly. It was hardly enough pressure to relieve him but it made his hips stutter anyways. “I think you can take it.” He hummed as he pushed her back against the mattress. He quickly reached behind him, tugging his shirt off by the collar and tossing it somewhere in her dark room. He pushed his jeans down just enough to fully tug his cock out, his balls resting against the waistband of his boxers.

There was an unmistakable hunger in Y/N’s eyes as her gaze stayed trained on him, the way the veins in his arm strained as he stroked himself slowly. “I can.” She nodded in determination. Her tongue flicked out to wet her bottom lip in anticipation. “Wanna take it all.” She whined, her hips jutting up off the bed in anticipation.

“All of it?” James asked, raising an eyebrow as he repositioned himself between her legs, resting his weight on one hand beside her head. His other hand grasped the base of his length as he gently rubbed the tip across her wet folds, causing Y/N to whimper and squirm against the feeling once more. “You sure about that baby?” He teased, rubbing the head across her swollen clit.

Y/N’s hands flew up to dig her nails into James’s bare shoulders. Her mouth parting prettily as she let out a soft moan. He was relentless in rubbing against her and it made her eyes roll into the back of her head. “Fuck, James please.” She pleaded, tilting her hips up so his tip got caught on her entrance for just a moment. “I can take it all, want it all, want you to stretch me open please.” She was trying to push herself back, fuck herself onto his length.

One heavy hand came to wrest on her pelvis, pushing her hips back against the mattress firmly. “Fuck, wait a minute.” James sighed, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment. ‘Didn’t realize you were so cock drunk baby.” He grinned lazily at her as he pressed his hips forward. His confidence had skyrocketed tenfold when he realized just how eager she was for him. Slowly he pushed the head of his cock into her. The warm tight heat enveloping him and making him moan. His head dropped down to her shoulder as he shuddered. “God I just want to destroy your pretty little cunt.”

With each inch that he pushed inside her the air was pushed from her lungs almost violently. She could feel him everywhere. She could feel him in her stomach, behind her ribs in her throat. “Destroy me then.” She gasped, her legs coming to wrap around his waist and pull him closer, forcing more of his length inside her until he was buried to the hilt. She could feel his tip pressing uncomfortably against her cervix but the pain was worth it. To feel him so fully inside her, his balls heavy and pressed against the flesh of her ass, it was exhilarating.

He bottomed out with a grunt. His heavy raspy voice right beside her ear and making her head spin as he spoke lowly to her. “Yeah, want me to abuse this fucking pussy until no other dick could ever satisfy you?” It was raw and primal. Each word had her stomach tightening, the coil of arousal threatening to snap and unleash at any moment. His hips rocked slowly at first, barely pulling out before pushing back in hard. The force of the thrusts pushing her against the mattress firmly.

“God, yes James,” She whined and she realized she was being too loud. Ironically she bet that everyone downstairs could hear her right now. “Please, please fuck you’re so big it hurts so good.” Her hands slid down from his shoulders and over his back, tugging his body in closer to hers so she could feel his weight holding her down. “Don’t hold back please, wanted this for so long.”

Something within James snapped hearing her moan his name like that, pleading for him to use her. He leaned his weight on her, dropping his head to suck one of her perky nipples into his mouth as his hands came down to hold her waist. His grip was almost bruising as he pressed her down into the sheets. In one fluid motion he pulled out almost to the tip before slamming himself back into her with a force that made the headboard hit the wall behind it. “Fuck, Y/N.” He growled, biting down gently around her tit as he set his harsh pace.

It hurt, it hurt so bad that it made her eyes widened, but god it felt so good. She was pretty sure he was bruising her insides, she didn’t think she would be able to walk the next day the way his cock brutally pistoned itself against her walls. His lips suctioned around her nipple, teasing the hardened nub with his teeth. She hissed and winced, tears springing to her eyes at the intensity of it all, she was drowning in it, in him and she loved it. “D-don't stop, oh my g-god.” She cried out, head tilting back against her pillows.

His blunt nails dug into the skin of her hips, it was a dull pain compared to the rest of the way he was using her body. The creaking of her bed and rhythmic thump against the wall was almost comical. His long blonde hair splayed out across her chest as he leaned his full weight against her. “Fuck baby, you’re so tight, taking me so well.” He groaned. His hips thrust into her, forcing soft wet noises from between them. “Not gonna last long with you squeezing me like that, god.” He hissed.

The sentiment was shared but Y/N couldn’t find the words at the moment. The only noises she was able to make were pathetic whines and jumbled moans that vaguely sounded like James’s name. Blinding hot white heat pooled in her stomach, traveling down her thighs as it threatened to overflow. “James, fuck I'm gonna-” She gasped her back arching off the bed. “Fuck I’m coming!” She squealed as she spasmed around him. She clenched down hard as her stomach tightened and then relaxed, a wave of wet warmth gushing around James’s cock, still fucking into her with reckless abandon.

It was too much stimulation, her hands desperately clawing at his skin, anywhere she could touch him while he continued to fuck her through her orgasm. “Just like that pretty girl, fuck you feel so good.” He praised her gently. He lifted his head from her chest to press his lips against her own. There was a little more thought behind this kiss, sweeter, more gently as they slotted together. “Gonna come in you okay?” He mumbled against her lips.

Y/N nodded dumbly as she chased his lips, desperate to keep them pressed together. She didn’t care, he could do whatever he wanted to her as long as he kept holding her like this, kissing her like this. She whined against his lips as his hips stuttered and still, burying himself impossibly deep. His cock twitched as warmth spilled inside her in hard spurts. She could feel every little movement and it was addicting.

Finally James pulled back with a gasp, his chest heaving as he leaned up onto his elbows, caging himself around her body as he looked down at her, the pupils of his eyes blown out completely enveloping that pretty blue color. He shifted his hips pulling himself from her cunt along with a wave of their mixed release, sticky and thick as it dripped down between them onto her sheets. “Holy fuck.” He mumbled, smiling lazily at her. “That was…wow.”

“That’s putting it lightly.” She laughed breathlessly, looking up at him in awe. “Jesus Christ, can we do that again sometime?” She joked playfully, but her smile was soft as she looked up at him. Her hands gently rubbing up and down his straining arms as he hovered over her. He rolled off to the side, wrapping his arms around her waist and tugging her against his chest. It was a surprisingly affectionate gesture.

His lips ghosted beside her ear as he spoke. “Yeah just, lemme take you on a date first.” He mumbled. The thought had Y/N’s insides warm and fuzzy like tv static. “Please,” He tacked on at the end, his arm curling tighter against her bare waist. How could she say no to that?

“Yeah, okay…take me on a date.”

[ilikekidsshows]

People said CN deserve the "I don't trust you" speech from LB because he neglect the duty she gave him. Then I'd say LB deserve the "fuck you I don't wanna care anymore" from CN if every lies she said revealed to the world. It's an empty wish I know because considering the pattern, the moment CN has every right to be mad, that's when smt happened that make him going back to LB and said "it doesn't matter" and forgive her like what happened in Strike Back.

---

When I was still reading Hero Academia canon divergence AUs more frequently, I never really understood the appeal of “Character A calls out Character B” scenes, but, with Miraculous, I totally get it. The complete refusal of the narrative to engage with the hurt feelings of the people Marinette sidelines, screws over or even directly hurts is so bad that if I just got to see a character get to be angry with Marinette, it would be glorious. I don't need to see Marinette be punished, stripped of her rank or Miraculous or losing her popularity; I just want the characters and universe to acknowledge that she's fucked up, and so severely that she isn't owed instant forgiveness just because she feels bad. Even though the stans view even this scenario as a punishment, it's not about her; it's about the narrative itself valuing other emotions and opinions than just hers and what benefits her.

Especially if it was Cat Noir, who’s been devalued both narratively and by Marinette personally. I’d love to see him just get to be angry, with his feelings being the most important thing going on, him getting to voice his grievances and Marinette actually listening and taking steps to treat him better in the future, instead of immediately shutting him down, having a mental breakdown, or whining about what a horrible person she is until he lets go of his justified anger to coddle her. Anything that isn't: "Halt the presses! Marinette is upsette!"

Also, like “the duty she gave him” is such fucking bullcrap. Cat Noir is a volunteer worker. She didn’t pick him. She’s only his boss because he lets her be, he could just walk off and she couldn’t stop or find him after. He’s the closest thing to her equal even as she and the writers ignore this fact.

[hextechmaturgy]

lucanis' romance is disappointing because like many other aspects of this game you can practically smell all the wasted potential

spoilers below!

we know from the stories that came before veilguard that cousins lucanis and illario grow up knowing caterina has a favorite grandson she intends to make first talon one day. it's implied and sometimes outwardly said that lucanis is indeed a better assassin than illario, and being a better assassin in a FAMILY OF ASSASSINS is a big deal. at the same time, we find out that illario is the more personable between the two. lucanis says he can charm just about anyone and zara calls him 'amatus' right before illario fucking kills her, so we know that's true. we find out through banter that lucanis had a crush on viago and failed miserably to show him because his only idea was to get him a knife, and, should you have an active romance with him, he will also admit to your companions that you are his first relationship

lucanis spends his entire romance backing away from you. he barely reacts to your flirting, he ducks away from a first kiss to 'clear his head', he won't shut up about coffee, and the moment you commit to him is just a quick scene where he SAYS he made you dessert, meanwhile, pretty much every other character is kissing you and declaring how much they care for you, emmerich's first kiss happens relatively early into the second act and it's such a sweet scene.

all this tells me is the writers were going for 'fail boy's first romance', packed with the slow burn of someone who has no idea how to show you how much he cares for you. it's sweet! i romance alistair every time for pretty much the same reasons. there's something very disarming about a strong, capable man who turns to mush around you because you're just that precious to him, because he's afraid you'll cringe and run away at his inexperience/awkwardness/eagerness.

but while i think that idea was perfectly executed with alistair, i think what we got for lucanis is extremely weak, to a point where i started wondering if my game was bugged and i had missed a romance flag somehow, or soft locked myself into someone else's romance. that's when it becomes a problem for me. when i flirt with him and he DOESN'T REPLY, it's not even him looking awkward, it's him not looking interested. he certainly sounds cute and awkward around neve, why does he show her that side and not rook? it felt like they were meant to be together, especially with the whole 'pick between treviso and minrathous' storyline, but i checked out neve's romance and that one is really good, one of my favorites in fact, SO WHAT GIVES? it's not that lucanis is reserved as a character, it's more like the game wasn't programmed with his reserved nature in mind. so he shows you he's committed by making you desert... couldn't we have had a scene where we watch him baking, instead of hearing him say he did it? we run into him preparing a surprise and he's out of sorts, or he asks us to go on another grocery run and you piece together what he's planning from peeping the ingredients. SHOW DON'T TELL IS THE MOST BASIC OF WRITING ADVICE, SO PLEASE ???? they did it with kaiden in ME3, he cooks for you and burns the garlic because you're just so distracting. there were multiple opportunities for cute and unsure, neve's romance is surprisingly tender and this one could've been too.

as it is right now, lucanis' romantic interactions feel like game bugs, his pet demon seems to be far more entertaining than him/is generally mega underutilized (can you imagine a scene of spite getting done with lucanis' bullshit and sleep walking some more to tell you he's smitten), and if you are planning to have lucanis as your romance, you should go into it knowing that after your first good, dare i say EXCELLENT first romantic chat at that coffee shop ("like a kiss goodbye" charmed me there and then) you'll be waiting until literally the end of the game for any sort of pay off. there's a good romance to explore here, the complete opposite of zevran as far as crow romances go, but sadly these fun dynamics will only get decently explored in fanfiction i fear

[tlbodine]

Tips for Talking to Conservative Friends & Family

In the wake of the election, with the holidays around the corner, some of you may be wondering how to deal with friends, family members, coworkers, etc. who voted for Trump and/or who espouse his policies.

This guide is by no means meant to be authoritative and won't work in every circumstance. I accept no responsibility for what happens if you use any scripts and it goes horribly awry. But I did want to share some of my personal experience in this vein, as someone with a great deal of conservative people in my life whom I generally love and respect and would like to maintain a civil relationship with (and, hopefully, bring them back to center if not my side). I've had decent luck with these strategies in the past.

First: Only engage if it is safe to do so.

Do not get into political discussions that might endanger your job, your living situation, your access to care, or your physical and emotional safety. However, do engage if you are able to do so safely and your doing so might help someone in a more vulnerable position. What the fuck is privilege for if not using it to protect people?

Second: Identify your goal.

Do you want to de-escalate a situation so someone can get out of immediate danger? Do you want to establish a boundary? Or do you want to actually attempt to convert someone over to your side? Each goal has different tactics. Be realistic with yourself about what you're going to accomplish. If you do not have a close relationship with the person, you are extremely unlikely to change their mind about anything, and it's frankly not worth the effort. Let someone who is close to them do that work. De-escalate, set a boundary if possible, and gtfo.

But if you do have a close relationship -- if this person generally likes and respects you -- then you might have a shot at challenging their views.

We're going to assume a scenario where you're dealing with people you know and who you can generally count on not to be immediately aggressive. Somebody else will be better-equipped to talk about strategies for dealing with protests and people on the street etc.

De-Escalation & Setting Boundaries

This is your first line of defense against family members acting shitty. If someone tries to start a debate, makes an off-color joke or comment, or is otherwise behaving inappropriately, try:

Let's not talk about this over dinner.

I don't think this is appropriate conversation right now.

That's an awful thing to say.

I don't understand that joke, can you explain why it's funny?

I'm sorry, I won't listen to any more of this (leave the room)

That's not okay.

What you want to do here is make an appeal to correct standards of behavior. You want them to feel ashamed for acting out of line. In order to make this work, it is essential that you:

Remain calm and keep an even, light-but-firm tone of voice. It needs to be clear that you're not joking around, but you also cannot sound upset. (Yes, this is really hard. I'm sorry.) Practice your very best "I'm not angry, just disappointed" tone for maximum effect. If you can manage it, eye contact and a neutral or even slightly concerned or sad expression will make it even better.

Avoid insulting or attacking them. Do not say things like, "Stop being an asshole" or "I can't believe you're acting like this" no matter how much you want to. Do not say "That's racist/sexist/ableist/homophobic." These types of replies, no matter how accurate, will make them defensive, and defensive people shut down and stop listening. If you come off as angry, that gives THEM permission to be angry right back. But if you come off as the normal one, them getting angry makes them look like a dick.

Do not laugh. Avoid the urge to chuckle nervously or joke it off. It WILL feel uncomfortable. It WILL be awkward as fuck. That's the point. They are misbehaving by violating a standard of appropriate behavior, and you are setting down a boundary. The awkwardness will fade and, frankly, they'll often start behaving better pretty much immediately.

Follow through on your consequences. If you say, "Dad, if you continue to bring up Trump, I will not call you anymore," you have to stick to it. Holding firm to your boundaries is HARD AS FUCK but if you don't do it then all you do is teach them that they can wear you down. Think of it like training a dog. Consistency is key.

You're not going to change anybody's closely-held beliefs with this strategy, but you WILL make a case for what is allowable around you. If you model this behavior, and encourage and embolden other people you know to do the same, you might be surprised. A lot of times, people's inappropriate behavior is a boundary-testing mechanism -- they tell the racist joke because they want to see if they can get away with it -- and if you shut them down, they often just...stop. Or at least retreat into their little hole to talk to fellow gremlins instead of you.

Challenging Views, Changing Minds

Okay. You actually want to engage them in conversation. You want to challenge their views and help them change their opinion. How do you do that?

Again, it's essential that you remain calm. If you can't have this discussion without getting heated, it's not the time to have the discussion. If they start to get heated, be prepared to de-escalate and walk away: "I cannot continue this conversation with you right now. Let's talk again some other time when we've cooled off."

But if you can keep calm, here is what actually works (sometimes):

Listen to them. No, really. Hear them out.

Help them feel heard by empathizing with them. Repeat back your understanding of what they said and how that must feel.

Remind them that for other people, THEY are feeling xyz emotion, too.

Ask them questions. Instead of telling them they're wrong, ask questions that will lead them to draw that conclusion themselves.

Make appeals to emotion rather than starting with facts and logic. You'll know what kind of emotion to draw on because you've been listening to them and empathizing. Hint: almost always, bigotry (at the personal level) is rooted in fear.

If this is going well, THEN you can start citing some sources, statistics, and facts.

Invite them to share THEIR sources with you.

Thank them for doing such a good job at being calm and discussing this with you, reaffirm your close relationship, and encourage them to come talk to you about this at any time. It's very possible that you are the only person they might feel safe bringing this stuff up to now and you want to keep that channel of communication open.

Very often (not always, or often), conservative-leaning individuals are people who lack the education or knowledge that left-leaning people do. They may be accustomed to being insulted, yelled at, and made to feel stupid. They are conditioned to believe that folks on the left are smug, holier-than-thou, stuck-up assholes. Whatever you can do to poke a hole in that perception will simultaneously make it easier to talk to them AND cause them to question that rhetoric the next time they encounter it.

This tactic won't always work. It probably won't work at all the first conversation. It's something you'll have to chip away at over time. But sometimes, it's worth it.

And if it's not? Well. As they say.

[cottoncalicoes]

⸻ USED TO HAVE A SWEET TOOTH, BUT YOU ROTTED ME

- Endo Yamato x Fem!Reader • Word Count: 1.1k -

Content warnings: vouyerism, mutual masturbation, teeny tiny bit of degradation, reader is kinda pervy, roommate au, porn w/o plot, italics is flashbacks

Kinktober Day 22: Endo Yamato + Masturbation in collaboration with @ficsforgaza | Full masterlist with other creators works here -> xxx

It’s wrong, the ritual you’d assumed ever since rooming with Endo. When he’d first offered up his spare room, it’d been you who was nervous of the prospect. The idea of a man like Endo having access to personal belongings made your stomach twist. But, after much convincing (and lack of other options), you’d moved in within a week.

—

“Come on,” your friend says, “living with him couldn’t be that bad. Plus he’s easy on the eyes, and you know he’s loyal. You won’t have to pull his weight.”

You groan, letting your head fall to the table with a thump, “I hate when you’re right.”

“Look,” she sighs, taking a sip of her coffee, “just give it a week or two. If you’re really that miserable then you can crash on my couch until you find a better place, okay?”

You huff at her words, curse her and her logical thinking. You allow yourself to sulk a few minutes longer before you finally concede.

“Fine,” you say with a roll of your eyes, “i hate you.”

She laughs out loud, flicking your forehead lightly, “I love you too. Now stop being such a pussy and call him.”

—

You’d expected him to creep on you, him to steal dirty laundry and bring girls home every other night. You’re not sure when it started, your infatuation with him— with his routine.

—

Loud moans echo through the thin walls between your rooms, cries of your roommates name falling freely from the lips of his latest conquest. That had been when it started, your yearning.

“Come on,” he groans, “touch yourself for me.”

Your eyes had widened at his words, breath stuttering as he continues to spit lewd words at the girl.

“Rub your clit, baby,” he snarls, “cum on my cock.”

It’s embarrassing really, how wet you find yourself. Maybe it was because you hadn’t been laid in a while, maybe you’re ovulating, maybe you’re done denying just how much you’re attracted to the man who lives with you.

—

The front door slams shut, interrupting your thoughts. Muttered curses can be heard through thin walls, and your thighs clench in anticipation of what comes next. You can hear him shuffle around his room, angrily tossing things around before he settles on his bed. You do the same, the thin wall being the only thing that separates your backs from being pressed together.

There’s a jingling of his belt, and you nearly whimper in anticipation for what comes next.

You can hear everything this way, pressed against the wall. The lewd sound of him spitting on his cock, the low moan he lets out when he strokes his over himself.

You do your best to muffle your own noise, a shirt you’d stolen from him stuffed into your mouth to hide your own sounds.

“Fuck,” he groans, the schlick schlick shclick sound of him stroking his cock growing faster.

You quickly push past the hem of your shorts, fingers moving to fuck yourself in time with him.

“Sweet thing,” he groans.

You pause, heart hammering rapidly in your chest at the familiar pet name.

“C’mon sweet thing,” he moans, “won’t you let me hear you too?”

You pull your hand rapidly from your shorts, crawling back from where you’d previously been pressed against the wall. Surely he wasn’t talking to you, you’d been so careful, so quiet.

“Such a little freak,” you hear him laugh, “you like listening to me get off? You’re not as quiet as you think, you know?”

Your stomach turns and you clench your fists, anxiety clawing up your chest.

“It’s okay,” he moans, “touch yourself for me. Need to hear how worked up you are for me.”

You stay still, fear still settled deep in your belly as you ponder your next move.

“Touch yourself or I’ll come to your room and make you.”

You whimper at his words, the imagery of him stalking to your room and watching you touch yourself has heat simmering deep.

“There you are,” he says with a laugh, “c’mon sweetheart. Make yourself cum for me.”

You find yourself pressed back against the wall, hands making quick work of your pants before you relieve yourself of the building pressure.

“Fuck,” he groans, “can hear how wet you are. Is it all for me?”

You moan out loud, fingers stuffing themselves inside of you as deep as you can.

“Answer me.”

“Yes,” you whine, free hand moving to grasp at your chest, “it’s all for you.”

Endo groans, head thumping against the wall as he strokes himself faster. You match your fingers with his strokes, clawing around the bed desperately before you find his shirt and press it against your face. His lingering scent has your eyes rolling back, your moans freely falling from your lips as your high approaches.

“Cum for me,” he gasps, “cum for me and I’ll come fuck you like you need.”

You picture the way he throws his head back, the furrow in his brow as his high approaches. His name falls from your lips again, and again, and again, your own high close to washing over you.

“Please,” you whine, “make me cum.”

Endo groans loudly, hips frantically bucking to meet his strokes.

“Yeah?” he goads, “Want me to come over there and stuff that pretty pussy full? Think you’ll be able to take it?”

“Yes,” you whine.

“Don’t stop,” he growls, voice growing quieter, “don’t fucking stop.”

The sound of his door opening is muffled by your whines, and you nearly screech when your own goes flowing open.

Endo marches over to your bed, pulling you to the end of it as he stands over you.

“I said don’t stop,” he says, hand holding you spread open for him. His own hand pulls his boxers down, stroking his cock as he looks down at you.

“Need to see you when you cum for me.”

Your hand swiftly returns to your clit, fingers circling before you press your fingers into yourself. Endo moans at the sight, weeping cock twitching at the sound of your pussy.

“God you’re so fucking wet,” he moans, “you usually get like this? Or is it all for me, sweet thing.”

“You! Just for you,” you cry, your high quickly returning at the sight of him, “gonna cum. Please.”

Endo’s eyes roll back, hand squeezing tightly at the head of his cock, “Cum for me.”

You callout his name as you cum, hips bucking up as your high washes over you. You whimper as you watch him fall apart with you, the heat of his cum landing on your stomach aiding you through the after shocks.

It’s quiet besides the sound of both of your heavy breathing, the both of you easing down from your high.

A kiss is pressed to your thigh, and you attempt to snap your legs closed at the feeling.

“W-what… what are you doing?”

Endo smirks up at you, his tongue lapping at his own release, “Cleaning my mess of course.”

[stiffyck]

Artists on Instagram and tiktok and most other sites are the strongest people on earth because the comments are always fied with so many stupid people. I'd be murdering them if that was on my posts.

People have no idea what the fuck art is.

[concrete-3ater]

if I had a nickel for every time I was in a fandom and a child character had a breakdown and did something that accidentally hurt another character, and then the fandom all turned on the character and vilified them because they [the fandom] can’t understand that sometimes 14 year olds make mistakes when they’re going through something traumatic, I would have 2 nickels

not a lot but it really is weird it happened twice

[j-esbian]

i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.

that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.

weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.

[wingsofhcpe]

Every few years the tumblr queer community decides that we clearly don't have enough problems as is with real bigots, and they pick a sub-category of other queer people to convince us that "actually these are the True Oppressors, Guys, I Promise, they're too loud and privileged and stealing our rights as we speak!" while also mostly using recycled terf rhetoric but Woke This Time to support these accusations. At some point it was bi people (especially bi sapphics), then ace and aro people. Now it seems it's the turn of trans men & transmasc people in general.

And of course, if you as a member of the targeted demographic try to speak up, you're labelled as proof of the accusations. "See? They're loud and annoying and are oppressing us by not letting us target them, instead of shutting up and taking it like good little victims!".

And I, for one, I'm not having it.

[widevibratobitch]

omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

[irawhiti]

do you guys fucking hear yourselves i'm just wondering. like be fucking for real here. everyone who says that millionaires aren't rich or some other shit because of inflation and prices going up owes every homeless person who has to read this shit $3000. guess what, things are just as expensive for the filthy poors WITHOUT a million dollars, too! usually a hell of a lot more expensive in the long run, actually! the cost of living getting more expensive affects EVERYONE. a flat $1000 is almost nothing to a millionaire while being a fucking life changer for many people living in poverty! come on now.

[moralchampion]

Istg yall will turn every somewhat attractive rider who hasn't made it up a tree at the count of 3 into a twink with no personality, and I am so fucking tired of it

[poisoned-pearls]

you know, Idk if I have to say it, but, cut off those people who drain you. You shouldn’t always have to text first, your friendship shouldn’t end because you stopped talking.

And I know it sucks, that feeling of crippling loneliness. But when shit was absolutely the worst for me, when everything had fucking crashed and burned, I met a few people who finally reminded me what it meant to have someone care, and you’ll get it soon

[butchlifeguard]

something i was thinking about on stand yesterday.. danganronpa shsl lifeguard who tries to save a dying person they find, bonus points if they dont come clean about it at first because they think they actually killed that person with their efforts

[magiefish]

I have a bunch of spare penny's so I'm coming up with a hypothetical idea that anytime I mention one of my hyperfixations in front of my family I have to drop a penny in a collective jar that everyone else can use except for me because. My god. Do I need to stop being annoying.