#– that i want to take resources away from people with actual depression

[dunmeshistash]

ive always wondered if milsiril's overprotectiveness of kabru was less because of infantilisation (although she def like all elves has that problem) and more so out of guilt. she was a captain of the canaries during the Utaya incident I believe and she witnessed what happened and she couldn't stop it. and she left the canaries because of it and took in the kid who was the Only survivor, raised him in extreme comfort so he'd never see the horrors again and didn't want him anywhere near the dungeons! like i think learning self defense for defenses sake would have made her hesitant but she would have obliged but because it was specifically for the dungeons she was so against it. also like he must have had a rough few years dealing with that trauma as well which doubled her protectiveness

I believe it's a mixture of both, I don't think you can really take away the guilt (actually unsure if that's the best word to describe it) nor the race relations from how Milsiril sees Kabru.

I am the Milsiril apologist ™ but the fact she see's Kabru as a child even now is a big part of their relationship, she's a mother that can't grow up (both for being an elf and for her own issues) and that has to cope with her children outgrowing her fast

Putting a read more cause as usual when it's about Milsiril I talk too much

We can see in every way Milsiril acts that she sees Kabru at most as a toddler during his time with her, she's hand feeding him, has him in a room full of toys and talks about him like he's a cute baby.

I think people are too mean about this side of Milsiril tbh. I think it makes her interesting and it's clear (to me at least) that she does her best to provide for her children even if she doesn't truly understands them. Even in that first interaction with Kabru where she's trying to hand feed him they were *already* training with swords beforehand.

Milsiril also talks to Kabru in a way that kinda seems to expect him to understand more than what a small child would like we can see in the AB extra

So her infantilization doesn't extend to underestimating him at least, rather I think that's how she shows affection (which is still bad 😭)

Anyway, about her trauma with the dungeon and guilt (or maybe shame? Fear?), I do think that was one of the motivations for her to take Kabru in as I said in this post (beware I am a Milsiril apologist and I am VERY biased in seeing her in a more positive light, doesn't mean it's true) but I think that side of her manifests in her sudden switches from crybaby mom to ruthless master

Milsiril is very emotionally unstable from what we can see, she's really trying to convince Kabru not to go into dungeons and when tears don't work she switches into training him so hard he'll give up on his own. I've seen people call this her "true colors" or say she was using "crocodile tears" but in my opnion both the tears and the threat are genuine, I don't think it's a planned switch but rather the fact she's unstable to begin with, both the crybaby mom and the scary swords master are her true self.

Anyway! I think both guilt and infantilization are intertwined in her love towards Kabru, I've said this before but she's a flawed caretaker in a world where she does not have the resources to become a better one. She's traumatized she's depressed and she's an elf, but she's the only one (that we know) willing to at least *try* to treat the people she cares for the correct way. If it wasn't for Milsiril Kabru would have been raised by elves like Rin was (and we know that went very bad, they traumatized her), and Mithrun might not have received the proper rehab he needed to go back into the canaries (He might have managed but we see Milsiril put in the effort to help him cope besides being the one to tell him about Utaya)

That is all to say: Milsiril is still flawed!! It's part of what I love about her, and it's the reason so many people dislike her too. I'm saying this cause sometimes when I go on my Milsiril rants I get asks putting down Kabru to raise her up and that's like, very uncomfortable lmao. Even if she did her best he still was the one that to deal with all of her shortfallings while being raised and he's still the one responsible for getting to where he is, she just made is easier than it could have been.

Disclaimer as is usual for my Milsiril posts: I'm a Milsiril fan, my interpretations of her are very charitable because I often see people being way too uncharitable about her. Please read the original material and make up your own interpretation, this posts only contain what I think it's relevant for my point not an objective view of the whole. I've also already made several posts about her and I don't want to keep repeating myself so if you think I glossed over something important that's probably why.

Edit: thinking more about it, maybe rather than feeling guilty herself she might blame "elves" as a whole for the failure in Utaya, it does say she left it "in disgust". It's not that clear how she feels about it.

I still think it's shared trauma though, I don't think it's possible for Milsiril to not have been affected by what happened there and I think it's part of why she doesn't want Kabru to go to dungeons again. But her way to cope is to turn away from it (and blaming "elves" might be part of how she copes) while Kabru's is to face it so it doesn't happen again

[im-not-a-ghost]

A message from a beloved soul 🕊️

Recently, I felt called to ask for advice from passed on artists that have greatly impacted my life. A few months ago, my role model and most beloved artist passed away suddenly. I never thought this day would come. Or rather I didn’t want to think about it. And lately I feel his energy very strongly. I thought that maybe some of you could need some advice from an artist you miss dearly as well. I’m sorry if this triggers anybody. I thank these beautiful souls that have provided us with light and love for all these years for their messages and I hope that wherever they are in the Universe, their soul is at peace. ❤️

Group 1

Letters : B Y I T J S L G K M U A P G D F Words : guys, tails, mask, Sag, just, Jiluka, Atsuki, July, Aug, days, pay, gay, Yumi, Yuki, Bad guy, kid, must play, guita(r), fly, BSK, family, silk, ask my pals if I still must (???), stalk, dumb, Mt Fuji

Tissue box messages : Singer, blue eyes, Scorpio I TRANSFORM Nov 23 to Nov 29, Capricorn I CREATE Jan 20 to Feb 16, 6th house daily life I LOVE, 12th house Spiritual life I DREAM

Their channeled message to you :

Baby the world is yours to take. Fate is yours to create. No matter the pain, no matter the fears, no matter the obstacles, you must live on. Do you hear me? Live. Scream at the top of your lungs. You can cry too. But don’t give up. I am with you every step of the way. My wings will carry you for as long as I can.

Clarifications - 10 of swords, Black Numen, King of cups, King of wands, 10 of pentacles, 10 of cups

This artist that you are asking about knows that you are going through a hard time and that a part of you doesn’t believe in your ability to make it through but they want to reassure you because not only do you have what it takes but the outcome is going to be much more brighter than you could ever imagine. You’re getting there. You’re so close to reaching your goal. I believe that there are actually two artists that are surrounding you with their love. They are both encouraging you to keep moving, though you may not understand where this will lead you, though you may not see the bigger picture. Because after this period of grieving and emotional turmoil, of hardships and uncertainty, awaits a bright and warm future, full of joy and abundance. While one helps you heal your wounds and deal with possible depression/mental health issues, the other is helping you manifest success in all areas of your life by fueling your fire and inspiring you. You may feel like your creativity is boosted and your mind is fuming with new ideas. Both of them are masculine in their energy. One of them may especially connect with you through your dreams while the other would rather put on your way resources and people that are beneficial to your growth. The channeled message you received was from the one you were asking about. But the other artist still wanted to silently show their support. I believe that in their living time this person wasn’t very talkative but would instead show their love through actions. They remained the same in the after life.

🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️

Group 2

Letters : A V U S E I F S V N A U I M K P Words : miss u, veins, pain, pause, Suki, fave, fame, pave, Mana, Aki, naive, invasive, Nivea, niveau (French for level), suave, Kaname, kiss me, five men, fans, vie (life/live), Pisa

Tissue box messages : Gym rat, creative soul, dorky/quirky, Scorpio I TRANSFORM Nov 23 to Nov 29, Ophiuchus I HEAL Nov 29 to Dec 17, 1st house awareness of self I AM

Their message to you :

My Jade ~ You are so beautiful. Your soul is so beautiful it shines all the way to heaven. God and the angels are so pleased with you. Seeing you grow so much has been my biggest joy and pride. I believe that you can light up this world and save so many people from themselves. But first make sure to save yourself, okay?! Love you ❤️

Clarifications - 9 of pentacles, The Lovers, Knight of cups, Judgment, King of cups, 6 of cups

You must prioritize yourself by choosing to give yourself the love you so willingly give to others. That much is clear. When the time is right and balance is restored, a soulmate will be sent to you to pour more love into your cup. They will come to you slowly but surely. You will recognize them by their piercing gaze and their powerful voice. You know them already. Wow that was very specific. There are a lot of water related cards, three of which can be associated with Scorpio. Then there is also Gemini energy and Taurus energy. I believe that in their living time the artist you asked about was a very generous and wise person. They were probably an old soul and had a hard time finding people they could deeply connect with. I get the feeling that you followed this person since you were a child and you looked up to them. They are a soulmate of yours. Their energy feels very balanced. I believe this person was very spiritual and always did their best to do the right choice and be the bigger person. They would always think of their loved ones before anything else and maybe that is one thing that caused this person a lot of sadness. Which is why they urge you to prioritize yourself. They know too well the cost of overgiving to others only to be left with so little.

🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️

Group 3

Letters : C N L C Z E K U V O T B E A V M Words : clean, zen, luck, black, block me, metal, zone, cat, melon, love u, meat, meet u at ten, note, bone, tune, name, bake, cake, Ameba, volcano, Kubo, Kobe,

Tissue box messages : Gym rat, bookworm, unconventional, Leo I SHINE Aug 10 to Sept 16, Taurus I PROTECT May 13 to June 21, Sagittarius I KNOW Dec 17 to Jan 20

Their message :

Dear friend,

I am so glad the universe has sent me to you. I am so proud of you for fighting for your dreams and doing your best every day to be a better person. You have no idea how much this means to me that you are working so hard to walk in my footsteps. My soul is filled with warmth because of you. Thank you so much.❤️ I love you too!

Clarifications - 6 of cups, 6 of swords, King of pentacles, 8 of pentacles, Queen of pentacles, High priestess

This artist is a soulmate of yours. They had to leave for you to thrive. It was part of their journey to pass on to the other side for you to grow and for them to guide you. It was necessary because their departure triggered an awakening in you. Your gifts wouldn’t have woken up the way they are now otherwise. It was their duty to contribute to your accession to your throne. By that I mean that in order to claim your power and rise up to their level, they had to eclipse themselves and now evolve in the « dark » or in other words on the other side of the curtain. You and this artist mirror each other, especially when it comes to your careers. I would even go as far as to say that for some of you they are a divine counterpart. You are the High priestess. And I saw behind her the Magician. They were the spark and you are the torch that will pass on the knowledge. They’ve taught you everything they had to while they were living. Now is your turn to do the same. You can connect with this person through hard work but also by working on your gifts, especially your intuition. When they were living, they were very intuitive too. They were known as a hard worker and a force to be reckoned with. They inspired people to leave behind what didn’t serve them. And they are now trying to help you do the same thing they did : be a mentor and a guide for others, especially younger souls.

[butchspace]

I guess I kind of just use this account for PSAs now, and this has been on my mind a lot lately.

I figured out that I have OCD a few years ago, and recently I’ve seen a lot of bad advice around dealing with intrusive thoughts and obsessions.

There’s that post that goes around occasionally about “taking pictures of your oven knobs before you leave” or other things I’ve seen that say to “make a weird face when you lock your door.” THESE ARE COMPULSIONS. If you have/suspect you have OCD or you often struggle with things like that, please do not follow this advice. Instead, try to accept your intrusive thoughts and move on, not argue with them. Over time, they will get easier and easier to deal with. Ruminating, stressing, or arguing with them just makes them worse in the long run.

If you think you might have OCD and want to seek a specialist, the IOCDF’s home page has a lot of resources under the “find help” tab, including a locator.

I’m going to put the rest under a read-more because I’m going to talk a bit more in depth about intrusive thoughts and compulsions. This mostly because good OCD info is so sparse on line, and I’ve spent many hours compulsively researching OCD lmao.

Content warning:

discussion of unreality/doubting one’s own perception

discussion of specific compulsions

I’m not going to push this point too hard or shame anyone who doesn’t want to follow it, because OCD doesn’t really just go away. It’s a constant struggle. I give in to compulsions regularly, even though I am medicated and have seen a specialist to learn actual coping skills. It’s hard to resist sometimes and you don’t always have the energy, the awareness, or the power to ignore them. You do what you have to do to get through your day. The main difference is that the right medication and the right therapist make it easier to stay out of the spiral and to leave a spiral when you’re in one. They still happen. You still kind of have to play everything by ear.

Similarly, it is super fucking hard to get help or even get diagnosed. No regular therapist actually knows what the fuck it looks like, and specialists are few and far between and often don’t take insurance. It’s not fair or easy or necessarily productive to try and do exposure response prevention on yourself. Your “good coping skills” can even turn into an obsession or compulsion, where you’re constantly worried about what is an intrusive thought and what is not, or if you’re responding to them properly.

What I want to do is try to give at least some useful advice to people who are struggling with intrusive thoughts.

The best way to respond to them is not at all. This is especially true with OCD, because the response to them is sort of the root of this disorder. Sometimes, it’s recommended that with depression or anxiety you challenge your thoughts. In OCD, it’s the opposite. Challenging them can so easily lead you down a compulsion spiral. (More about that cycle from a professional.)

Compulsions can be entirely mental, but I’ll use a common behavioral one to look at how engaging with compulsions can go:

You start by taking a picture of the your stove knobs to make sure they’re all off. That works for a few hours or days, but then you start wondering if the knob is ever-so-slightly in the “on” position. You wonder if the picture proves they’re off enough. You forget to take the picture at all, and have to go back in to check anyways. You check your phone a few times before leaving to ensure that the picture is still there. You take several pictures because you can’t tell if you actually took any at all. You start to wonder if you can even trust what you see before your very eyes. What if you’re just imagining that the knobs are set to off? What if you’re just imagining the whole picture to begin with? The picture allows you to engage with your checking compulsion throughout the day, strengthening the connection between the intrusive thought and the urgency to do something about it. That means it gets worse. That means you find new ways to doubt your perception or your memory or whatever.

It can eventually get really bad. It’s hard and awful to try and deal with this on your own, but sometimes you have to.

It’s so shit. It’s so fucking shit how long many people suffer with mental illness without even knowing what’s going on. I didn’t know that my constant, overwhelming guilt over almost everything I’d ever thought or said or done or maybe did and couldn’t remember was the result of a disorder. It was so freeing to realize there was actually something that might help me, and I could learn to just live with myself and my weird ass thoughts that don’t necessarily mean anything at all. It’s so shit that OCD-awareness is so low among therapists. I was never going to get diagnosed until I found an OCD SPECIALIST (bold, italicized, all caps. Don’t trust people on psychology today who just put OCD in the list of what they treat.) and went over the Y-BOCS with her. It’s all so shit that several therapists I came to with textbook examples of OCD either ignored me or didn’t have the tools to help. I told one of them I “didn’t feel connected to reality” and he kind just went 🤷.

I just want everyone who is in that/a similar situation to at least have this information available to them.

If you want to learn more, these blogs from Sheppard Pratt were the best discussion of OCD I found online that really described what I was going through. They’re written by licensed therapists, several (all?) of whom live with OCD. They’re very healing to read if this is something you’re struggling with, or something you think you might be struggling with, and great in general if you want to learn more about OCD.

Whatever’s going on, OCD or not, have some grace with yourself. Take a few minutes today and do something kind for yourself, even just think one nice thing about yourself. You’re doing the best you can.

[myl0v3l1f3]

emijeckole hcs or smth even tho no one asked

Nicknames : E - J : Jecks/babe/pretty girl E - N : Nic/ babe N - E : Babe/em/ems/ho N - J : Jecks/ho/babe/bitch J - E : Em/Ems/Babe(s)/bitch J - N : Nic/Babe/bitch/beautiful

(Future + Present) Nicole is really the only one who can cook real meals. They can all do microwave/oven meals, but thats as good as they get really. Emily can make pasta, and Jecka can make oven pizza but neither of them can make meals like nicole 💔

(Future) They all have self harm in some way and they all know they cant really stop eachover so they stock up on medical supplies like gauze and bandages so if they do need it its there

(Future) Nicole and Emily lwk forget to eat or if they do its takeaway or junk food (cus theyre too lazy to wash fruit or anything healthy) so jecka washes fruit and puts it in containers in the fridge so they actually get nutrients 💔

(Future + Present) Nicole and Jecka try hard to not accidentally piss Emily off because hg gets violent quick 😭

(Future) They all have VERY intense emotions. Nicole gets jealous strongly, so if she feels like Jecka and Emily are hanging out with eachover/other people more than her than usual, she'll immediately mute their notifications, not speak to them unless its dire, isolate herself away from them etc etc. She also gets great bouts of depression where she will just lay in bed all day, no eating no drinking no showering. She'll cut more than usual, cry at least twice, refuse to be near Emily or Jecka and its just a whole mess until the other two realise. Jecka gets angry incredibly quickly, mainly thanks to her dad. She likes the apartment tidy, basic cleanliness and presentable, since a lot of the time her own home was covered in alcohol bottles, used needles, and general nastiness unless 'work friends' were coming over. When Nicole or Emily leave their empty beer cans or half full takeaway on the coffee table it genuinely enrages her. During arguments, she can and will get loud and almost physical - but she does catch herself before she swings at one of the others. She'll shout a lot, she'll scream, most the nights the neighbours think that they're having a domestic. She'll also give the two silent treatment a lot over something as simple as living dishes in the sink, even though they could of rinsed it and put it in the dishwasher. She takes a lot of xanax to calm herself most days. Emily has BPD so she basically just lives her life like everyone who has BPD. (i dont wanna mischaracterise BPD or anything so fi anyone cud help me write this it wud b aprreciated

(Future) They have a minecraft world. Nicole built the house, Emily mined all of the resources and Jecka got a them a pet cat (Jecka doesnt know how to play for shit)

(Present) They skip to fuck in Emily's car, because Jecka doesn't want stains on her seats

(Present) How it started was Nicole and Jecka were like pining for each over and then Kelly 'accidentally' locked Jecka and Nicole into the kitchen pantry and left them there for like, 4 hours while she checked on Kylar in her yard to make sure no one was dead or there was a fire, and then Nicole and Jecka were both drunk and were like 'i rlly luv u and im drunk and i might b sick but ye' and then they made out and then dated 👍 And then the Emicole OD happened and Emily was like 'omg i rlly luv u nicole' and Nicole was like i have a gf and some other stuff and they had a threesoe and jecka didnt like it at first until Emily was started giving her discounts on adderal and xanax cus they were dating and gave her some spectacular head and then she was gud with it.

(Future) Jecka is a doctor, and lwk a really good one, Nicole is a tattoo artist, and Emily is unemployyed.

They all get really jealous, really quickly. And they all give eachover silent treatment when they're jealous

this felt really gay to write im sorry

[aanoia]

Dying

Poly!marauders x reader, James Potter x reader, Remus Lupin x reader, Sirius Black x reader

Summary; the marauders had known their girlfriend smoked to dissipate the pain from her abusive family. They just didn't know how bad it could, and would get

Words; 1,400+

Warnings; serious TW, mentions of abuse, toxic asf family, drug abuse, weed, alcohol, whiskey, underage drinking and smoking, substance abuse, self harm, cuts, abuse (ish?), depression (not mentioned but apparent), seriously bad mental health

If you are easily triggered I advise you do not read this as it covers very serious topics.

I will be making a part 2 with a happy ending, because they exist and you deserve one, no matter how deep you've dug yourself into a hole.

Pt. 2

If you are struggling with mental health issues and need help call or text 988 to get in touch with the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. If you are struggling with substance abuse and or mental health and need help call 1-800-662-4357 to get on the phone with an employee of SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. If you are being abused or neglecting by family members or someone else and need help call 800-799-7233 to get on the phone with some from the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

If you need help please reach out. Whether it be to one of the resources above, a trusted adult or friend, or me. I cannot speak for others around you but I can for me and I am here for every single one of you. You can talk to me no matter how small, large, serious, "dumb" ("" bc no problem is actually dumb), no matter what. I will sit and listen to you for hours. Almost everything mentioned in this story are things I have experienced. Abuse. Self harm. Substance abuse (smoking and drinking). And pushing away the people who want to help. I understand and will listen. You matter, and you are loved. It will get better, I promise. You can take my word for it. I love all of you, no matter who you are, and I beg you to reach out of you need someone to help bare the weight the world has given you. I'm here for you, and I'm proud of you for being here today, no matter how hard to was.

You are not alone.

When James, Sirius, and Remus first found out their girlfriend was a borderline stoner, they seemed fine with it for the most part. James was indifferent, believing she wasn’t consuming a dangerous amount. Sirius was impressed and baffled, he spent weeks trying to figure out how she snuck the drug into Hogwarts, which had a strict policy against the use of substances. Every once in a while Sirius even joined Y/n in a smoking session. Remus, however, seemed to be the only one who was slightly worried, he knew all about unhealthy coping mechanisms and how addictive they are, but he chose to trust his girlfriend and left it alone, something he felt very guilty about later on.

Everything changed after the summer before sixth year. The four had kept in frequent touch, mourning over the fact that they couldn’t find a time to get together. Mid August Y/n had stopped responding to letters sent by her boyfriends, which worried them immensely. And when she arrived at platform 9 ¾, looking sickly pale and high out of her mind, they knew something was wrong. 

Stubborn as usual, Y/n proclaimed she was fine. Having lied and said that this was her first time doing any illegal substances, which includes alcohol and other drugs, in weeks, and she was just enjoying it. Each of the boys had a pit in their stomach, their girlfriends usually cheerful aura completely gone, seeming to have faded over the summer.

Sirius was the first to notice the problem with your smoking. He took into account the changes in your stash when he would join you every once in a while, the amount you had from one session into another completely decimating your lie about only smoking once or twice a week. 

Remus was the one who noticed your drinking problem. He had invited you on a study date with just him, James and Sirius being busy with quidditch practice, and you had showed up late. He didn’t mind, knowing you weren’t the most punctual person, but what he did mind was the strong scent of alcohol you had attempted to cover up with a spell. It hadn’t worked.

Now, poor oblivious James was the one to uncover the self harm scars on his beautiful girlfriend's body. It had been a rare time where you had decided to hang out with the boy, as you had been pulling away from the three at an alarming rate. So, James decided to make the most of it, not knowing the next time this would happen. His way of making the most of it was laying down in bed, bodies pressed up against each other and your chest steadily rose and fell. He had fallen into a light sleep before he was woken up as you adjusted your position, throwing your arm out to the side. He looked at you with a tired smile, grateful for this moment as his gaze traveled up your arm. His smile fell as his heart dropped. When you had stretched your arm out the sleeves of your jumper had ridden up your wrist, revealing the angry red cuts protruding from your skin. James felt tears prick his eyes, not knowing what to do.

Today was a particularly rough day for Y/n. She had received a letter from her parents, informing her that they wish she was never their daughter, and that she would find some creative way to die to rid them of their burden of a disgraceful daughter. It was no exaggeration to say she was out of it. Anyone with any common sense could tell as she stumbled through the Great Hall, smelling greatly of whiskey and weed, and anyone with a good nose (Remus, due to his furry problem, and Sirius, due to his furry gift) could sense the metallic smell of blood coating her skin.

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake.” Remus mumbled, standing up from his spot at the table, James and Sirius looking up quizzically. “I’m over this. We need to talk to her. Now.” He said and the boys nodded, standing up with him and walking to the girl. Sirius gently touched her shoulder, leading her out as she made a face of disgust at his closeness, causing his heart to twang. 

She had been so mean lately, and it was slowly shattering the boys’ heart, however, it was affecting Sirius the most. He missed his girl. The one who always cheered him up and provided him bucket loads of support when he was thrown to the curb and disowned.

They carefully led the girl into the boys’ empty dorm, and the three were thankful Peter decided to eat breakfast this morning instead of sleeping in. Y/n sat on the bed, reaching into her cloak and pulling out a shiny silver flask.

Remus scoffed and grabbed the flask from her hands, “Fucking no, Y/n.”

Anger flashed across the girls face, “The fuck is your problem?” She asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

He waved the flask in front of her face angrily, “This shit is! And the weed! And, baby,” His voice softened. “We know you’ve been cutting. Why won’t you let us in?”

She scoffed and stood up, snatching the flask from the boys hand, “Because it’s my fucking mind and you guys have no right to pretend you deserve to know what’s going on in it.” It was Sirius’ turn to scoff and Y/n looked over with raised eyebrows. “What, got a problem, Black?” She asked again.

“Yeah, I’ve got a fucking problem. You’re being a bitch.” He said angrily.

“Excuse you? I’m being a bitch?��� She took a step closer. “Says fucking you, Sirius. The only bitch here is you. With your endless manipulation and fucking lies!”

“Okay, you need to calm down.” Remus said before Sirius could speak.

The only sound that could be heard was Y/n’s loud laughter. It lasted a moment before abruptly stopping as she threw the flask down and neared Remus. 

She placed her hands on his chest, smoothing down a wrinkle, “You guys are the ones freaking out when I’m.” She pushed him back, his eyes widened. “Fucking.” Push. “Fine.” His back hit the wall and James, who had been silent the entire time finally stepped in between the two, anger covering his features.

“Back off. We have done nothing but love you! We don’t deserve this shit, Y/n. You don’t have to tell us everything but a simple fucking explanation is due! Even if you won’t give us that you have no right, no right, to lay your hands on us, and I will not put up with this bullshit.” He said and it was silent. The boys held their breaths, hoping James’ speech got through to the Y/n as her and James had a staring contest.

Y/n smirked, “Look at you. The little bitch finally comes out of his shell, and spews utter bullshit.” She said flatly, moving to grab her flask and her bag which she had previously set on the bed. She walked to the door and paused, “We’re over, by the way. I’m leaving your sorry asses.” And she walked out.

The moment the door shut James' body shook with silent sobs and Remus wrapped his arms around the boy, resting his head in between his shoulder blades. Sirius joined the hug, squeezing tightly as a few stray tears of his own left his eyes. 

The three stood there, hugging each other tightly as they cried in each other's arms. They had no choice now but to watch the girl they loved most slowly kill herself, for a reason unknown to them.

Unbeknownst to them, the girl slid down the backside of the door, hand covering her mouth to silence her sobs. She knew it was getting bad and she knew those boys cared about her and wanted to help and she fucking pushed them away, afraid they would turn out to be like her parents. Cruel and abusive. She regretted leaving the moment the door slammed shut, her mind immediately sobering up as she realized what she had done. She just lost the three most important people in her life, people who loved her, if they still could after her cruel words.  In that moment she realized the most terrifying thing. The thing that haunted her nightmares and fueled her addictions. In all her attempts to cut her parents from her life and forget about them. She had become them.

[genderkoolaid]

i honestly really need advice/support if possible, and to know if this is an example of transandrophobia that i have a right to be upset about, idk who else to go to about it im honestly scared to tell anyone. i feel so fucking isolated from my local trans community, they literally only represent or center things around trans women, calling names for events fem type names (ex: she-*insert thing here*), doing multiple surveys to gather responses from trans women only, literally only having trans women represented in everything to do with their organization and website, despite talking about including all trans and gnc ppl etc. i almost lost it today because they had a pamphlet at one of their events on ‘domestic violence in the trans community’ but literally only include sexual assault/dv stats on trans women when trans men have the highest rates in a lot of statistics of those things in the trans community, and even higher than cis women?? i literally just wanted to cry, it feels like i never see trans men represented ANYWHERE even at places specifically for trans people and i just feel so hopeless. even when i go to their events and im the only trans man (pretty much always), it feels like they’re upset somehow that i’m not a woman :/. and the state i live in is considered one of the most ‘progressive’ for trans ppl in the us. i feel like if i tell anyone they’ll just take it as me wanting to take away resources from trans women, or that i actually hate them and it’s not like that at all. i love all trans people so much, but how is it supposed to feel like a community when only ONE type of trans person (typically *white* trans women) gets represented or given resources over everyone else. gnc/genderqueer ppl are out of the question lmao they are also a complete afterthought. just. im bad with words so this probably came out more like a vent but i need to know im like. not crazy for feeling extremely depressed and isolated over shit like this?? or feeling like this is an instance of transandrophobia? idk man just. ugh. genuinely, how can i find community if it’s just gonna be like this?

You are not crazy and you are totally correct in being upset about this. I wouldn't be surprised if the reason you are often the only transmasc is BECAUSE they put no effort into making spaces open to transmascs. This is erasure and absolutely a part of transandrophobia.

I would recommend trying to bring your complaints up to the people organizing these events– unless you have good reason to suspect otherwise I would try to assume they'll receive criticism in good faith– but you could also try to organize your own transmasc-centered events regardless of if they are open to helping you or not. There very well may be other transmascs near you who would be interested in such a community.

[hazelfoureyes]

Why do I keep disappearing into fantasies and stories about fictional characters? When will I become happy and stop reading them to feel at least a drop of warm emotions?

Perhaps the life you’re in now isn’t fulfilling and stimulating enough? Maybe it’s better in your head.

When I was my most depressed I always stayed in my head. If I wasn’t asleep I was far away in my mind doing anything other than addressing the reality I was physically in.

There are signs here on the river banks warning people to stay away when it rains. Because even though you feel safe on the grass, it’ll become slippery and you can slide into the raging waters of the river and drown.

Fantasy can be like that for us who are lacking things in life. We’re on the grass, a safe distance from the depressive and consuming currents. But we’re just a shifting weight from falling down the hill.

From my personal experience, I had to fake those warm emotions in myself before I could even try to find it elsewhere or even actually make it myself. Before I could escape the allure of fantasy.

If I’m going to spend all day in my room then I made it feel like somewhere worth being in. If I’m going to be alone I want to enjoy my company, so I took time to try and dress like someone I’d be happy to pretend to be. Whether it meant trying harder to accessorize or just meant washing my hair that day and brushing my teeth. I made up things to be happy with, I romanticized the otherwise unappreciated things. I’d take myself to the beach or on long walks in safe places. Id get a hot chocolate and hold it with both hands and feel that warmth until it faded. Id microwave it so many times to get it back to temperature, even in the Florida summers.

I needed distractions so I’d ride a cheap thrift bicycle I got for 10$ for hours. I painted. I did these things and still daydreamed and fantasized about other places I could exist in, but slowly found myself proud of the strength in my legs and the skills I was making while I was still in my head.

But that’s what it’s about, right? Distractions and making up what you don’t already have but really want. Excitement, love, sex, power, allure.

Maybe you need a distraction of a different form? Maybe it would help to distract your body while your mind is away and maybe you’ll like this reality more and find your brain making better chemicals. Maybe it’ll lead to meeting people with similar distractions who fulfill you more than your fictional darlings. Maybe you’ll just enjoy being here more, in this world. Sometimes that doesn’t help. Sometimes we need different help. I have OCD and take medicine to manage it, because my brain needs the extra help.

Maybe your life needs more outlets for that creativity in your head.

I could be totally off base and entirely misunderstanding what you mean, so forgive me if I just went off in a useless tangent. Maybe I don’t understand all, in which case, I am sorry.

I hope you have the resources, will, and energy to find ways to get what’s missing and get those warm emotions in this reality.

I hope you’re on the river bank still, and not already sliding down the wet grass.

(Sending long distance hugs, warm and sweaty)

[the-cu-genswap-au]

next: updated refs for the main adult cast (aka, the other core quintet)

- As principal of Jerome Horwitz Elementary, Erica Wang has dedicated her career to making sure every child in her school gets the support they need. Under Erica's leadership, JHES is a much less depressing place, sporting features like an art program, a fully-stocked library, after school tutoring, and an actual full-time school nurse.

- Erica herself also likes to take a hands-on approach with students, taking notice of anyone who seems to be struggling either academically or socially and working together with Bo to figure out the best course of action. While her intentions are definitely in the right place and come from a sense of genuine care, she does have a habit of forgetting to ask the students themselves what they think of her ideas....

- Design note: Erica's design is a fusion of her main kid design and her future "Grace Wain" persona

- Bo Hweemuth is the school's student guidance counselor, which basically means his job is to talk to students and help get them any resources they need, both in and outside of school. Though a lot of students feel intimidated by him at first glance, he's actually a very chill guy who likes to approach students with as much kindness and empathy as he can. He knows what it's like to be treated like a nuisance.

- Besides being co-workers, Bo is actually very good friends with Principal Wang, genuinely enjoying the work they do together to make sure every child at Jerome Horwitz can thrive.... despite any misgivings he might have about her approach. And speaking of co-workers, he's also recently struck up a pretty close friendship with the school librarian....

- In his spare time, he likes to experiment with clay sculpture. His office is decorated with all the little sculptures and figures he's made over the years.

- George Beard and Harold Hutchins are known around school as That One Pair Of Teachers; they're always together and are each other's best friend, even outside of work. To their students, they're some of the funnest teachers they've had at JHES, since they prioritize making their classes into fun, engaging learning environments through creative lesson plans and treating their students like actual people. Especially George, since he teaches the traditionally "boring" subjects of English and Literature.

- George and Harold are also the current co-leads of the school Music and Arts Program, along with music teacher Dressy Killman. Harold mentors in art, while George handles creative writing. They like to joke that they're "professionals in their field," except they're not really joking about that and it's just that everybody thinks that they are because nobody knows anything about them outside of the school.....

- Design note: George and Harold already have canon adult designs, so I just added on a few accessories to distinguish their AU selves from their canon counterparts (George's suspenders, Harold's vest)

- Melvin Sneedly (that's Professor Sneedly to you) is starting his first year as Jerome Horwitz's new science teacher, after a regrettably failed attempt to get his robotics career off the ground. He absolutely does not want to be here, he hates teaching, he hates kids, the sooner he can get out of this terrible place the better.

- He's not exactly helping his case by driving away everyone who tries to connect with him, either. Instead of spending his break times in the staff lounge with everyone else, he's spending them holed away in his classroom, poring over lesson plans, reminders of his broken dreams, and.... other stuff. It's probably not a good idea to keep bringing these personal projects to work with him but then again, his science career did fail for a reason....

- Design note: the main design philosophy here is "hey, what would Melvinborg look like without the robot half.....?"

[rubberduckyrye]

Me: yay! I get to talk about my favourite oc of the bunch now!

My brain: hey what if I *forces me to hyperfixate on how I'm rewriting Angie instead*

So I'm talking about Angie instead, more specifically what steps I want to take to make her less.... problematic?(Best word I could think of) But for plot reasons I have to have some reference to what she's like in canon.

I mostly focused on Angie's religious side for the rewrite. She's no longer monotheistic and instead follows a polytheistic faith, specifically Hawaiian. Most of the time when she talks about her gods she specifies which one, like she'll say that "Lono will keep you in good fortune". I've also made it so that her whole "Kami-sama can't answer cause he's taking a nap" thing is just a light hearted joke she makes when people mixes up or gets her gods wrong.

Now the blood sacrifices-

They are not gone, instead I've made it so that Angie's community saw blood as the soul itself. So her island had simply had a tradition where they made a religious dish for weddings that the newly weds eat, the dish contains the blood of the couple and it represents their souls mixing and becoming one. They also tended to have a culture of solving spiritual problems (ex: depression, personality disorders, trauma) by having the person bleed out the damaged part of their soul.

There's definitely more to consider but I don't remember it and I don't know where to look. Criticism and advice from you or someone else reading this is welcome :P

Okay so.

I like your spirit, you're on the right track and going places, but. I would just remove the blood thing entirely. If you want to go the route of Headcanoning the problematic away that's one thing, but since you're changing the story up anyway, so you might as well throw out the entire suitcase.

I was actually having a discussion with my partner about the stereotypes Angie presents just last night, as was going to reblog my posts on her racists caricature elements with a slight amendment.

I was struggling to find resources that specifically talked about Native Pacific Islanders being stereotyped as wild savages, and I was complaining to celest on how no one was talking about it and I felt like I wasn't able to do research right anymore. She calmly explained to me why I was having those issues and why no one seems to talk about the "savage Pacific Islander" trope we had seen so many times in movies.

1. The term Pacific Islander is, itself, a problem--as well as terms like Native Hawaiian, and other terms that are just not really used much in discussions about media. That's why I was getting so little information when I was trying to research of my own.

2, and this is the kicker: The stereotype of "Savage Pacific Islander" actually IS talked about as a trope--it's just under the same category as when we talk about the "Savage Native" (Like Native American, or the savage Indian (Indian being used incorrectly to talk about Native tribes of America) the whole Damn time.

While this specific link talks about a slightly different iteration of it, the Savage Native (I refuse to call them Indians that is blatantly incorrect) also has ties to human sacrifices and blood sacrifices, all of which paint indigenous people and culture that in a bad light.

The traditional acts you described could be used in a real life culture somewhere in the world, idk, but I would advise against using it regardless. The use of blood in any kind of ritual is seen as savage or cult like, which with the Native Savage Stereotypes, you REALLY want to avoid if you're making up new shit. Even if you explain it away and make it more symbolic, the fact you're writing a new story means you really should not have the blood thing at all.

As for changing up her religion, I do quite like it! I myself wasn't sure if I should use the Atua or the Kupua as a replacement, and it's something I'm still on the dense about since I am making it blatant that she is Native Hawaiian. I was personally advised by Celest to keep it as the Atua for recognizability's sake, and it'll allow me to throw in some fun facts about actual Atua, but I still can't find anyone who will tell me if Atua and Kupua are interchangeable.

I suggest you do as MUCH research as you can about the culture of your choosing. Like for example: Native Hawaiians sometimes have names that mean disgusting or horrible things, not because their parents cursed them though--in fact it's the opposite. Ugly names are sometimes given to a child to protect them from evil spirits and bad omens if they get sick or hurt in some way. I HV that Angie actually has an ugly name that the Atua call her on her head, one that her mama gave her, and Angie is sort of a white Christian name that was probably forced onto her ngl.

Anyway.

Do research on bad tropes for Pacific Islanders, and especially more research on the "Native Savage" tropes and anything cult related to it. Do research on Hawaiian and native Hawaiian cultures and be respectful about them.

I hope this helps (and sorry if I sound abrasive or curt) xndjxjsjnxaj

[iatrophilosophos]

Socialized medicine in the US is a partial solution to the myriad of problems with western medicine at best.

Western medicine is theoretically speaking the application of the scientific method to the human body, right? So it seeks to isolate "variables" in the name of "objectivity". Another word for variables here is context. And you just can't in a real way separate context from an individual's state of health; something medical professionals are VERY MUCH AWARE OF (see: shit life syndrome for one example) that exists in tension with both the current regiment of distributing healthcare and with the foundational mythos of western medical knowledge formation.

Western medicine is also beholden to the rest of the world. In places in the US where medicaid is actually relatively accessible, for example, you still have shit like racism and sexism and transphobia and ableism impacting care people get. And I understand that like, when people talk about their ideal socialist utopia, there's mechanisms in place that deal with social oppression; but I want you to think about just how big a project uniform care actually existing would be.

So in our current world, another obstacle to Making Medicine That Works is legality, especially re: the drug war. Very useful, known, well-studied substances have documented properties making them extremely useful or potentially useful for a variety of medical treatments (examples: THC for everything from gut stuff to emotional support; LSD for crohns and potentially diabetes; good old opiates and opiate-related-chemicals for chronic pain, some cases of depression and a subset of the experiences often diagnosed as schizophrenia and/or ADHD): but prohibition prevents application or further study (even for chemicals like THC that are legal in some states, if any program that receives federal funding is involved, can't use it! Fun right?). But sure, we can waive that one aside to and say that universal healthcare will also mean a total end to prohibition. That'd be cool!

So now that we've magicked away these problems, we have uniformly available healthcare that's getting better every day because all the social, legal and financial limits on medical exploration have been taken away. What do we have?

Well aside from a system that's gonna die with the rest of industry any time from next year to a few decades from now, still heavily dependent on plastics and factories and worldwide shipping and coerced labor in other countries, we still have a hierarchical structure where prescriptive knowledge is generated by centralized institutions who's abilities and members are dictated by governmental legislation and that inherently cannot see or account for the context of various people's bodies and lives and thus still limits the ability of disabled and mad people to explore/access unapproved/not-yet-approved treatments. But no, we can magic this one away too, obviously in the ideal socialized healthcare, everyone's needs will be accounted for so we'll have decentralized community medical exploration! And we'll use existing holistic healthcare tools and make more to account for individual people's context! And nobody will be subjected to coerced labor or nonconsensual treatment! And we'll find ways of creating medicine that are locally feasible, don't require global industry, and are resilient against climate collapse!

...so we no longer have contemporary western medicine (or civ, for that matter). Cheers!

But wait! There's more! You can live in this brave new world RIGHT NOW! what do you do with ur time, huh? You play video games? I bet you've put a lot of time and effort and skill-building and resource accumulation into it! Maybe you're poor as shit like me and have figured out emulators and pirating or talk to other people who share your interests about how to access them or you're into indie games! That is cool and meaningful! Maybe you like music! Maybe you like fiction! I bet you know a lot of lore/specifics/techniques/etc related to SOMETHING! maybe it's birds! Idk you but I am absolutely positive that there is SOMETHING you know a lot about that you have figured out how to know in a way that's accessible to you and applicable to your life. Maybe it felt easy, maybe it was really hard, maybe you did it because you want to, maybe you did it because you had to, maybe it's a really big topic, maybe it's a small one, maybe you can think of it right this second and maybe you'd have to ask some friends to point it out to you. Whatever it is, whoever you are, YOU HAVE BUILT A KNOWLEDGE SET AND YOU CAN BUILD ANOTHER ONE! You can start learning about the medicine that is applicable to your life right now. Go read the Wikipedia page for some medications you have around! Or for some ingredient in a food nearby you don't know what is! Or one you do know what is! Figure out a question about it! Google that question! Keep googling! Read some studies that come up and then search all the words you don't know and keep looking until you understand them! Look at you you're doing it! Keep going! This is how it starts!

Medicine exists in the same world we do and we can take it for ourselves and make it better!

[gingery-juniper]

PERSONAL BLABBER TIME

-long personal ramble ahead-

I don't really post personal stuff here, but there's no other platform I feel safe sharing. I don't really share a lot personal stuff online anyway, but I'm really excited about this and I'm just dying to get it all out and share my excitement with someone.

Like

Orange-cat zoomies excited.

🐈[nyoom]🐈

I've been afraid to open up and unmask for so long, but this is the one place I feel like I can be open about who I am. I don't care if anyone actually reads it, I just want to vent it out.

I'm about to start taking T (testosterone)!!!

I am AFAB and non-binary, and now trans-masc.

I've always hated the body I was born with since I was a kid, but never quite knew why. I was raised in a very conservative Christian household that strongly condemned anything outside the "norm". I was raised to be a "good submissive wife"

That never sat right with me, even as a religiously brainwashed kid. And now I understand why. Not just the creepy religious aspect (that's a whole 'nother deal), but that I was never supposed to be a woman.

I knew something was different about me ever since middle school, but I didn't have the experience or exposure to know why I felt wrong in my own body. I was a tomboy I guess, but it was more than that. I my autistic ass always hyperfixated on male fictional characters. Everyone always assumed I had a crush on them, but no, I wanted to BE those male characters.

I spent so many years thinking maybe if I was more perfectly feminine I'd be happy, starving myself to be ~pretty~ and accepted by my family and peers. That didn't do shit and just made me deeply and harmfully depressed and more confused.

I spent so many years "believing" gender and sexuality was a strict "good vs evil" thing. Even daring! to think of deviating from being cis or hetero (those terms are evil and "woke" btw /s) was an abomination. Anyone at all queer (definitely used as a slur by them) was going straight to hell.

I feel sick knowing I used to believe that.

Well, I didn't really believe it. It didn't make sense to me, but I was conditioned to think that way (for fear of punishment) so I went along with it. But it didn't make sense and confused me when I started to meet and make LGBTQ friends in high school and at my first job. They were such amazing people. I couldn't figure out how they were possibly "evil".

I'm so angry it took so long for me to finally break out of that brainwashed mindset and start thinking clearly for myself.

10 years later, after a long time away from my parents/family, it's all making sense. The egg has cracked.

I've since found the LGBTQA+ community and have never felt more accepted and understood. This is where I have always belonged and I'm so grateful to have made it this far to realize that.

I was making formal plans to off myself a few years ago (many factors involved), but seeing some of the things people posted here made me realize that I'm not broken and not worthless and helped inspire me to live.

Over the last few years (and yeah honestly tumblr has been an incredible learning and supportive community resource) I have come such a long way in my personal journey. I am learning who I am now.

I had top surgery earlier this year and it's the best decision I've ever made. I've never been happier in my life.

Somehow my family hasn't noticed.

Now I'm going to start T.

My family won't take kindly to this change. They are very homophobic and especially transphobic. But I'm no longer interested in being palatable to keep them comfortable. I am going to be me whether they like it or not.

For the first time in my life, that I can say with confidence, I want to live.

I am asexual.

I am aromantic.

I am non-binary.

I am trans.

I am queer.

[na-uwles]

Hunters Academy (characters pt. 4)

𝓡𝓲𝓸𝓷

He's not a student at the Academy and he's mostly taught down in the city by other teachers since he doesn't want to become a hunter, medic or a guard.

He's a 17 year old Lamia who was born in New Reality. His parents abandoned him when he was still in an egg, He never got a chance to meet them and no one knows what happened to them. Currently, he lives in an abandoned building in the overrun part of the city that was blocked off to avoid spreading the infection. Rion himself is aware how dangerous that is but he's confident none of the infected beings will follow him to the city.

Rion is a rather gloomy and mean person who keeps mostly to himself and prefers to push everyone away except Sam. A lot of people believe Rion just enjoys manipulating Sam and using him to fetch him food or any resources he might need.

(photo from AustralianGeographic's article)

Rion's hair is naturally white which is quite rare, even in New Reality. He only has black scales under his eyes and under his bottom lip. I had his species as refrence and they have dark scales around their eyes and mouth, i made the scales all black to match his overall depressing vibe

All of his piercings were done by himself and some of them may seem a bit crooked or weird but he never really cared about other people's opinions. His eyeshadow is also made by him and it's not always the safest option.

The scar visible near his lip was done by an infected being when he and Sam were hanging out outside of the city in their usual spot. The scar is black, because of the infection that got inside of it but it's not spreading because Lamias are not affected by it, due to the lack of magic in their bodies.

His tail has the same "glossy" look as his animal equivalent and he uses it the same, when he runs away he's able to create a "flicker fusion" using his tail to confuse the one attacking him but sadly it works only in dim light so he usually resorts to hiding or simply running away.

his hands are completely covered in scales and he has claws that are regurarely trimmed and kept non-dangerous. The scales on his palms are softer.

As i stated previously, Rion lives by himself, many adults and teachers from the Academy tried to help him and offered him a room in their house but he refused every time. He mostly stated he preferres to be by himself even if he's lying. He lies a lot. That is something most of the beings around him are aware of, he constantly lies about his well-being, his home situation and about every single one of his needs as he tries to push everyone away.

Rion, as well as Sam, feels like he's not enough and that's why his parents left him. When he ran away from the orphanage, similiar thought followed him. Many kids died because he was stupid enough to not check something twice and an infected got in because of him. He isolated himself to not hurt anyone else again, but he can't push Sam away. When he and Sam encountered the infected while they were hanging out, Rion felt guilty and stopped talking to Sam for a few days which hit Sam hard. When he realised how much he misses Sam he had to see him again when he saw how depressed Sam has became after they stopped talking. Their friendship is strong and even if many may believe he only uses Sam, Rion's feeling are actually sincere and he sees Sam as nothing more than the closest friend he has.

𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓲 & 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓮𝓵

As much as Rion could deny the soft spot he has for them he'll have to admit it someday. Besides Sam, Sami and Samuel are two of the people that genuinely care for Rion and are let close to the boy, well, as close as he lets them. They don't know much about him, but they do want to help him, they bring him food, water, and sometimes even clean clothes. They don't give them to Rion personally but rather leave them outside of his house because they know he'd be mad about the help.

They're hoping that one day, Rion will warm up to them and let them take him back to their cabin to ease their minds and help him heal.

[bananonbinary]

Bee person dropping in to divulge some of the Secret Lore - there's about 20000 bee species, most of which (~85%) are solitary, meaning they live their entire life on their own. Most of these species are far less aggressive and territorial since it doesn't pay off for them to die in defense of their nest if they can just make a new one instead and still have at least a couple offspring. They're also much more vulnerable to the negative effects of climate change, pesticides, and loss of floral resources and habitats than a lot of social bees because they don't have a bunch of siblings to do teamwork with, so if the going gets tough for them, they have to go it alone - so they're especially dependent on us getting our shit together.

On a less depressing note, for anyone who wants to see some cool pictures of non-honeybee-looking bees, look up orchid bees, blood bees, carpenter bees, mason bees, mining bees, leafcutter bees, fairy bees, masked bees, sweat bees, digger bees, ... Not all of these are solitary, but they're all rad as hell. (The males often have quite fancy facial hair/markings too!)

In terms of that bumblebee, it depends - bumblebee colonies are quite small compared to what people will expect given the usual reference of comparatively giant honeybee hives (most bumblebee colonies don't tend to go above ~300 members) and their life histories are also quite different, as bumblebee colonies aren't perennial - young queens emerge from their winter diapause (a type of hibernation) in early spring, found their nests and rear the first workers, who then take over many of the tasks in the colony (such as foraging and brood care) until late summer, when they switch from rearing workers to new queens and males, who then get out and mate. The males and workers eventually die in fall, while the newly mated young queens find a cozy spot to while away the winter (usually underground, but pretty close to the surface, so don't clean up your green spaces too much and be gentle) to start the cycle again the next year. While isolation can have some negative effects on social bees like bumblebees, the severity of these effects depends on a lot of factors. Bumblebees, in my experience, are pretty tough though - for example, they can cope very well with randomly being dropped into an entirely new colony, which I know I certainly couldn't (I can barely handle phone calls on a good day). So long as they're given ample access to sugar water, they can live pretty long lives (for bees, anyway). If you find a flightless one, taking care of it is definitely the better alternative though. Keep them in a clean box (you can put a tissue on the bottom for easy cleaning/changing) in the shade for most of the day, at consistent room temperatures, give them sugar water and occasionally some flowers and they'll be fine. Just be careful as they can (and will) still sting in self-defense.

However, there actually are also stingless bees (Meliponini - more then 500 species worldwide) - they're another really cool group to look up. Like bumblebees and honeybees they are also social bess, and (like bumblebees) they build crazy cool nests. They're also the only group of bees that can produce honey outside of the honeybess (genus Apis - only 9 species worldwide) and can be found all over the world (the Americas, Australia, Africa, ...). They've been used for traditional honey production for centuries in a lot of South American countries, for example (off the top of my head I know of Mexico and Brazil). Their honey is also quite different to Apis honey in terms of chemical composition (and, speaking as a completely objective third party observer with absolutely no personal interest in the matter, is much tastier).

I'll stop now because otherwise I never will, but if there's anyone I haven't scared off yet, feel free to drop by and send me a message and I'll happily answer any and all bee-related questions you may have! I also really recommend the nonhoneybees (.) com blog, which is run by a wild bee researcher - they have really cute bee cartoons and lots of interesting facts about bees (and don't post at an overwhelming rate).

:o

🐝

[chaosandcrimson]

no way is that RHIANNON BOWEN.. they’re a 30-year-old HUMAN notoriously known for being MESSY & SELF-DESTRUCTIVE but there are some people who have seen them being LIVELY & PROVOCATIVE. if you ask me, they remind me a lot of little white lines on a glass coffee table, the moment when the beat drops, and always living life like you're running out of time, but that could just be because they’re considered the HARD-DRINKING PARTY GIRL around town. just keep an eye on them & see if their true colors shine through..

I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser Midnights become my afternoons When my depression works the graveyard shift All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room

OVERVIEW

Name: Rhiannon Elaine Bowen

Nickname(s): Rhi, Rhia

DOB: February 20, 2095

Age: 30

FC: Suki Waterhouse

Height: 5'8"

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Pansexual

Occupation: DJ at Club Delirium

Relationship Status: Single (Closed)

[+] outgoing, lively, provocative [–] messy, imprudent, self-destructive

BIOGRAPHY

tw: drug use

Rhiannon's parents, Kyle and Darcy, were only 19 years old when she was born. They were still just dating at the time, and saying that her conception had been a little bit of an accident would be an understatement.

It was her father's decision to name her after a Fleetwood Mac song. Her middle name, Elaine, is a reference to The Graduate and was given to her by her Uncle Kip, who was one of her mother's closest friends at the time.

Her early childhood was fine, for the most part, if a little bit rocky at times. Her parents did the best that they could to raise her well, but they were barely adults themselves, and they didn't always make the most responsible decisions when it came to parenting. As a toddler, she spent a lot more time than she should have at house parties sitting on the laps of drunken strangers. They were all very nice, but they probably should not have been babysitting her.

When she was 9 years old, her parents had saved up enough money to have her little brother made. They named him Kipton, after Darcy's friend who had passed away a few years prior, which made Rhiannon feel some type of way that she was too young to articulate at the time. She was barely old enough to wrap her head around the concept of death and was now being forced to use her dead uncle's name every time she talked about her baby brother.

It did not help that, because their parents had grown up enough to now be more responsible as caregivers, Kip was given a wildly different experience during his early childhood than she was. Obviously, she didn't want them to be irresponsible with him, but that didn't stop her from feeling a little bit jealous—especially when he started showing an interest in hockey and they started pouring most of their time and resources into finding ways for him to play.

At that point, Rhiannon was a teenager and it didn't take long for her to start acting out. Her grades slipped, and she started dressing provocatively, drinking heavily, doing drugs, and sleeping around. She could tell that her parents hoped it was a phase, but when she barrelled into adulthood an intoxicated mess and showed no signs of stopping, that was when they tried to get involved.

They tried to intervene, after which she angrily asked them where they got off trying to parent her now, and what right they had to police her for behaviour they had exposed her to. Out of all the things that she has done, that is perhaps the one that she regrets the most, because deep down, she knows it wasn't fair.

After choosing to skip college, her twenties passed in a blur of loud music, strobe lights, and more illegal substances than any human should consume. She worked a series of dead end jobs to get by, but eventually managed to work her way into a steady gig as a DJ for hire, which as it turned out, she was actually quite good at. After a few years of working various parties and events, she was given a permanent spot as an in-house DJ at Club Delirium.

Rhiannon is rapidly approaching her thirties and is still as much of a mess as she was in her teens. Deep down, she knows that she can't live the way that she does forever, but the truth is that she doesn't know how to stop. She has been this person for so long that she has no idea who she is outside of it.

The only person in her life that she shows any semblance of responsibility toward is Kipton. In spite of everything, she loves her little brother and desperately wants to be the kind of person that he can look up to. No matter how hungover she is, or how little sleep she got the night before, she goes to all of his games.

MISC

Rhiannon is a talented singer and makes her own music. Her style doesn't really fit the vibe of a nightclub, so she rarely plays her own songs during her sets, but she occasionally overlays her own vocals over the songs that she does play.

[vixenanswers]

How to get past depression and start getting my grades up and be proud of my work when I'm productive

Hey there rein-raus!

So as already established I’m not a mental health professional. There also is a huge difference between a depressive episode (which I as a lot of people have gone through) and chronic depression, because you can’t really “get past” chronic depression.

-> In that case I can however share a overview of recourses, information about financing therapy & resources for queer and black people specifically and international recourses

And I can also give you tips for getting through a depressive episode, getting your grades up and being proud of your work:

Getting through a depressive episode

What is a depressive episode?

try to keep doing activities you used to enjoy

stay connected to friends and family

exercise regularly, even if it’s just a short walk

do something relaxing like Yoga or Meditation

stick to regular eating and sleeping habits as much as possible

avoid or cut down on alcohol and don’t use illicit drugs, which can make depression worse

talk to someone you trust about your feelings

seek help from a healthcare provider

Getting your grades up

The most important thing is to participate in the lesson. It isn’t enough to just be present, you need to actually show your teacher that you’re paying attention. I know it can be hard to say something in class when you’re shy, but it is really important for you’re grade. Keep a list where you write down every time you raise your hand, so that you remember to do it a certain amount of times per lesson. If you really struggle; start of with trying to say something once per lesson to overcome that hesitation

Plan your revision. When exams are coming up, plan out your study time; plan in time to study every day. Make a list of specific task that you can tick off so that you always know what you have to do. But stay realistic e.g. if you come home from school at 4 p.m. you probably don’t have the energy to start working right away

Set Short-Term goals. I already talked about writing down specific tasks and you’re gonna want to break these tasks down into smaller tasks. Not only does this make it much easier to actually do these tasks, it is also helpful to really focus on individual topics

Review your past lessons. This can be helpful to make sure you really understood the lesson and to remember the topics. But some teachers also tend to ask at the beginning of a lesson what happened in the last lesson, so by being able to answer that you already raised your hand once that lesson

Find your study space. Different people can work more or left effectively in different spaces. Some people like to work in their room, others can’t concentrate there - some like to study in the library, because there are other people working, others prefer the buzz of a cafe. Find a space where you can be comfortable and productive

Look after yourself. You need to make sure that you’re okay, before you worry about school. Take time for yourself and don’t push yourself to the point of burnout - because that’s actually less productive.

Being proud of your work

Write down your tasks so that when you finish them you can tick them off and have a visual reminder that you did well

Reward yourself; eat a pice of candy you like, take a nice bath, watch an episode of your favorite show etc.

Say positive affirmations to yourself

Think about why you have trouble being proud of your work in the first place; try to fix the root cause

If you have trouble being proud, because you feel you didn’t do enough, try to change your perspective on things; You maybe only studied for 10pm, but you did study - you maybe only started studying late into the evening, but you did end up studying - maybe you didn’t study at all that day, but you rested and can now do it tomorrow

=> I really hope that was helpful and you’re doing better. I know that you’re trying and that’s the most important thing. You can do this, I believe in you♥️

Thanks for the question!

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #236

Today was a very bad mental health day, for reasons beyond my comprehension. Yesterday was awesome, and so was the day before that, and so when I woke up on the wrong side of the broomstick this morning, it seemed to come completely out of the blue.

Oh uh. Actually. You might not understand the connotations of "waking up on the wrong side of the broomstick". Uh… So in my world, there are the witches of folklore; traditionally, they are women who have green skin and big huge hooked noses, and they wear loose-fitting black dresses and pointy black hats, and they fly around on broomsticks, looking for children to snatch up and cook in their cauldrons. They're generally seen as not-very-nice, at best; I'm not sure you have these kind of witches in your world, do you?

I have cultural conditioning that tells me that any time a human female is unhappy, it means she is like the witches of folklore - unpleasant and insufferable. And so, if ever I was unhappy for any reason, my father would say, "looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the broomstick this morning!"

…Hm. I guess it only just now occurred to me what an ugly phrase that is, even used ironically. I could explain the history of HOW witches of folklore came to be associated with women, green faces, and black clothing with pointy hats, but… that's also pretty ugly, too, and I'm already depressed enough; maybe I'll get into it later if you ask, but I think for now… maybe I'll just stop using the phrase "woke up on the wrong side of the broomstick" anytime I'm not perfectly chipper; other states of emotion are part of the human condition, and being in those states doesn't make me bad.

Well. Like I said, my brain is refusing to create the happy chemical, for unknown reasons. So of course, today I am more prone to falling into old thought patterns regarding my own worth as a human being, and old thought patterns as to what I can expect from the people around me. As an example… J went around the house doing various housekeeping things, and I got jumpy because, in the past, if my mother was doing housework things, it meant she was mega pissed at me for not having done them already, and I was about three seconds away from getting a tirade thrown at me.

But J is not my mother; I do not need to worry about him doing that thing. However, my brain worries about it nonetheless, in a misguided effort to protect itself while it's already feeling vulnerable. My brain thinks that if I feel vicious things at myself and make it known that I think poorly of myself, then the people around me will be less likely to verbally abuse me, because I'm already doing it myself.

This has worked to take the edge off of others' tirades for a long time. It was a survival skill that served me well, but it's no longer useful where I'm at, and it will never be useful again, because I never have to go back to those places. So I gotta work on not doing that thing, because it's not good for me, and when I do things that are not good for me, it makes the people who love me very sad, and I don't want them to be sad.

So today, instead of succumbing to the funk and diving headfirst into old things, I tried to take care of my body. I tried to stay hydrated. I tried to eat relatively well. I took my multivitamin. Even if my brain isn't making the happy chemical, I can still make sure that my body has the resources it needs in order for my brain to resist falling into old patterns and beliefs. Today, I was mostly successful.

In order to pass the time until this funk goes away (because as far as I know, really the only thing for it is time), I tried to play a little Dead Cells. I didn't get very far, though, before my brain decided that it was time to stop; I played maybe for 45 minutes, give or take. And then I spent some time just sitting on the couch, drifting in between consciousness and… not quite sleep, but not quite being fully awake, either. It was weird.

…I saw, in my sleepy semi-dreamy state, a vision of you, in a rope hammock hanging from a willow tree, resting peacefully in comfy, casual clothing, swinging back and forth gently in the wind, along with the sound of windchimes, birdsong, rustling leaves, and the whooshing of the breeze. The air was pleasantly cool and it smelled like fresh leaves and grass. It was such a nice little dream.

…Wouldn't it be nice if a place like that is where you are now...

Most of the rest of today was uneventful. There was one thing that happened, but I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it just yet. Maturity regarding the situation is good, but I am also a little sad about it, and that is natural and bearable.

…Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, I'll feel just a little better. That'd be very good. Wish me luck, won't you? In the meantime, maybe I'll throw in a few pictures I took between today and yesterday. Maybe they'll make you smile:

I think I'll end this letter here today. It's only like 9pm, but I'm getting pretty sleepy, despite the semi-nap I had earlier. I might turn in early today.

Hey, Sephiroth? Please stay safe out there, won't you? Because someone over here loves you enough to write to you every day, and you wouldn't wanna miss tomorrow's letter, right?

I love you. 'Til soon.

Your friend, Lumine