#«are you scared?» «yes.» «perfect»
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sorry, sorry. i know- i know you wear the pompadour to- yes, yes i know it's very intimidating and delinquent like but-and again I'm sorry-it just makes you look a little cute I'm sorry-
#NEVER seen a character with a pompadour that wasn't a cute little guy#like yes its a punk hairstyle mhmm absolutely#but under the pomp is just a silly dude#yeah this about kuwabara but it applies to other chracters with a pomp idc#anyway. kurama speech bubble or wtv#kuwama#sorry i just thinm it's so fun to think abt kuwama cos to literally any normal person#kuwa is this big intimidating delinquent and kurama is this perfect a grade student#and you cant imagine why they'd ever run in the same circles#but kurama has in the nicest way possible probably never been intimidated by kuwa in his life#so the fact that so many kids around their age have definitely been scared off by kuwa is probably hilarious to him#yu yu hakusho
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being obsessed with yakumo is a job and baby i’ve never called in a sick day!!!!!
#nu carnival#yakumo ♡#you could not pay me to ramble this extensively about anything else#but yakumo’s trauma?? his childhood?? his growth?? his fears and insecurities and how they affect his current relationships??#his abandonment issues and jealousy and darker desires???#and how he’s so scared he’ll hurt others even though it’s far more likely he’ll be the one getting hurt??#how he’s not violent or scary at all but after years and years he’s been conditioned to think he is??#the significance of his relationship with eiden??#the significance of his ‘platonic’ relationships with the other clan members??#how important his grandparents were in raising him??#how his desperate want to hide his serpentine features and be ‘normal’ is a perfect allegory for autism??#the fact that he’s been treated horribly in the past and yet still chooses every day to be kind??#how he probably definitely has bpd??#the burden he has to carry just because of who his ancestor is??#the fact that it almost seems like what he does doesn’t matter because the actions of his ancestor will always be looming over him??#how he’s been hurt so many times both physically and emotionally and yet his heart is still so open to loving others??#how he has a tendency to push down his traumatic memories until he thinks they no longer affect him??#and how even when he’s suffering because of that trauma he would still rather suffer alone than bother someone and tell them??#how slowly but surely he’s unlearning all of the harmful ideas burned into him since his was a child??#and how he’s learning that people do love and care about him and he’s not a burden and he deserves love and care??#and that the serpentine traits he tries so desperately to hide aren’t as disgusting as he was meant to believe??#that his dark desires don’t define or control him and that it’s okay that he has them??#that just because he has them at all doesn’t make him a bad person???#why he makes soup for his loved ones so much!!!! yes that is important actually#i will sit and write about that for hours and hours for FREE#my favourite fictional character of all time he’s so so real#he’s so well written and his trauma and growth are handled with such care and consideration
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I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)
Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]
(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)
LIKE!!!!!!!
Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.
#csi#gsr#i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything#need to talk more about these two here#because im obsessed about them in a Normal way#sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together#i would not though#i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far#also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what#i could talk about her forever she's everything to me#and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever#i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them#and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line#nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it#but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know#but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life#you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too#he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it#and his smirks#AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA#im losing my mind#i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ#ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic#one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone#or this persons' lifestyle#he's always trying to understand them and not judge them#like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people#and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much#like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara#they're a perfect match for me
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Looked through the She-Ra tag and immediately found someone who thought Catra didn’t deserve a redemption arc .
I thought we went through this already with Azula’s poorly handled end.
SHE IS A TEENAGE GIRL.
A TEENAGER.
an ABUSED teenager at that. ABUSED. A lot of people react with extreme anger and withdrawal when they are abused and abandoned over and over again!!!
Also it is a CARTOON. Not everyone is going to be horribly gruesomely punished and ostracized like someone who got canceled on twitter for fuck’s sake! The whole POINT of the show is that friends, family, love and connection are what make us strong.
And it’s reiterated over and over and over again throughout the WHOLE SHOW that the Rebellion are KIND and FORGIVING people. And while yes, Catra may not have been “punished enough” by the people she hurt… she also paid so many high prices for what she did. And ultimately sacrificed herself even when she could’ve benefitted from just following along the next big bad.
#I am so frustrated about how people treat Catra in general YES I KNOW SHE SUCKED FOR THE MAJORITY OF THE SERIES#BUT SHE WAS A SCARED AND HURT TEENAGER AND NO THAT DOESNT EXCUSE HER ACTIONS BUT SHE WAS T R Y I N G TO CHANGE#spop#spop spoilers#she ra princess of power#she ra princess of power spoilers#she ra#she ra spoilers#like I get it’s not the best show ever but also this is a hugely openly queer show that fought tooth and nail for a FULL five seasons ok???#nothing will EVER be perfect and if you dedicate your life to trying to force everything to be ‘’perfect’’ you will NEVER be satisfied#or happy#or all around fun to be around.#you’ll end up reflecting Calvinist Christianity to its finest;#making yourself and everyone around you miserable for the sake of some bullshit puritanical standards.#AND FURTHERMORE can we NOT make a laughably near satirical mirror of the obvious representation of oppressive Christian regimes?????#like hello did we watch the same show????
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>.<
#tw clari overshares#i really need to start making new friends on here and being more active#but the issue is just the mere *thought* of that fucking terrifies me#just typing out that single sentence has my heart pounding and my hands shaking and my stomach churning#i really wish i was kidding or over-exaggerating#i want so badly to make new friends and be active in a little community on here again#but i’m so so so scared#(of what?????????? of what!!!!!!!!!!!)#bring me back to 2020 clari who talked to people despite the anxiety and was so damn active and was having an absolute blast!!!#what happened to her!!!!!#she got really sick i guess#it’s crazy like sometimes i just scroll through my archive and i can SEE it#i can see myself getting sicker and sicker and withdrawing more and more#feeding into the fear and letting it win#and now i’m here#in this hole that i’m going to have to claw myself out of IN SPITE OF the terror i feel#i miss being a part of this community so much#i miss being able to post little drabbles willy nilly and not having breakdowns over them not being perfect#NOT obsessing over my own work and flaws it may have#i miss having fun#YES my writing is extremely important to me and YES i want to one day write for a living in some capacity#but since when did that mean i had to cut everyone off??? seclude myself in a protective little bubble???#the only person who can fix this is me#(obviously hahaha)#it’s about time i put on my big girl pant(ie)s and faced that fear head on#i’m so sick of it dominating and controlling so much of my life#why did i let it take something so fucking important to me???#i have to end it!!!#if u got this far in the tags: thank you and i’m sorry for venting#i just feel like i NEED to say this
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“Aw man i was really feeling the christmas spirit with all the juicy party drama and now youve all killed the vibe!”
Yeah yeah remus is chaos and enjoys chaos but listen. Remus is the side of uncomfortable truth. Yes he is intrusive thought but that’s cuz he wants thomas to see everything, no matter how unpleasant or unproductive for thomas. That’s why he so pushy with logan and wanting him to go apeshit. He doesn’t like things being bottled up he wants everything to come out.
#thats what i think his purpose as a side is#cuz they all have a purpose even remus#ive noticed that virgil and remus are kinda similar in their behavior#driving thomas crazy making him think about unpleasant things#the difference i think is in their purpose#virgil wants thomas to be vigilant of things that could hurt him#remus wants thomas to embrace the parts of himself he is scared to acknowledge#yes ik janus too but not to the extent of remus also i think thats for more self-indulging reasons.#janus is more about wanting thomas to do whatever he wants without giving a shit about how it affects others#anyway i just thought it was a interesting detail#remus loves drama because it is the perfect form of chaotic truth revealing within relationships#he lives for that shit#anyway if you read the tags thank you for coming to my ted talk#remus sanders#thomas sanders#sanders sides#sanders asides#tss
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wait ok i was sketchin out an expression sheet and then i started thinking. isnt this insane. 2018 -> 2020 -> 2022 -> just now.
like. wild to meee. he looks how i want him to look now... from when i drew him first to now,,,,,,, insane insane insane. i used to be so proud of that first drawing n look at me now....
#yes im on my period but like. uwah. uwahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.#Also so so so forever pissed that I got so scared of people thinking I was a weeb that I just straight up stopped drawing anime#you can’t see anything that I was loving and enjoying so much at that time through my older art#You don’t see the spikey haired boys I was in love w or the fancy shoujo ladies or anythinggg#>:( but I have now and forever to refind that love. Like when I purposefully try to draw like 2000s bl manga.#Which technically isn’t amazing but that sort of art style hits me in the guts it’s perfect to me. That’s home.
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there are two wolves inside of you: one feels impending doom at the thought of tomorrow’s race. the other feels immensely hopeful that oscar will get his first win tomorrow or at the very least a mclaren 1-2. you are a formula one fan.
#i’m literally about to fucking throw up#this race doesnt even start for another 8 hours but i feel actually sick#like this is keeping me up#(yes i have a TOTALLY normal and healthy relationship with this sport)#you guys literally dont even understand the ways of which i need oscar to get his first win tomorrow#like i can literally feel it in my bones i just KNOW he can do it#like i know he can and i really feel like tomorrow is the day for it#however i am very very scared that the more i keep thinking about it and saying it the more i am jinxing it#like i’m literally imagining everything that could possibly go wrong#but i’m also beautifully imagining the way that oscar is going to get a perfect start and overtake lando (so sorry lando)#and build a big enough gap to where he can win the race#i need the mclaren pitwall to lock the fuck in today like i am nowhere near joking when i say i will start hysterically sobbing#if they fuck it up#alternatively i will start hysterically sobbing if oscar/lando wins so really theres no winning for me in that sense#but also i cannot even imagine the amount of pressure that both lando and oscar must be under right now#like i do not know how they do it because imagining it is further making me sick#me when i develop an anxious attachment style to two drivers and also an entire sport#lol#didnt have that on my 2024 bingo#anyway so im lraying to fucking god that the race goes okay because otherwise im killing myself#and i think i am perfectly valid in saying that#im also getting lunch with my two other friends who watch f1 a few hours after the race tomorrow#so regardless the race is going to be talked about but it will very much vary oh whether or not its good or bad#anyway im going to stop talking about this now because ive been doing nothing but talking about it all day#and i like genuinely need to shut the fuck up#SO i am going to hopefully go to sleep#we’ll see how this ends up going for me#lacey talks
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my writing this week is unofficially sponsored by halsey
#yes...that should make you a little scared#playing control on repeat kasjdfbksbdj#it's so PERFECT for putting adrien THROUGH IT#halsey
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"how do you handle conflict with people you love" well that's very simple. i just very specifically pick people that i know i will never have any conflicts with ever and then if i do i either avoid it as if it didn't exist or end the relationship in my head entirely. no conflict to handle. very simple
#yes this is healthy. i prommy [ actively destroying relationships as we speak ]#is it really toxic if you just let a relationship fester in your mind while putting no emotional weight into it so it peters out 🙄#not even ghosting just like. i no longer initiate conversation. i no longer say i love you a thousand times.#i no longer put that emotional labor into our interactions.#if you had enough of an issue with losing that relationship with me you would try to fix it. and nobody has so far#^^^^^ hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate#anyway all of my dear beloved close people are people that i do not argue with because we're just good for each other. case closed#in my heart i believe i will never ever have something to argue over with miffy we're just too perfect for each other 👍#realistically we would resolve issues before they even started i can't see us arguing#realistically or emotionally. that shit would break my heart.#need more bitches with an anxious preoccupied attachment style in my life those mfers are the only ones that get me ‼️#(other people who are also scared to death of losing people and dislike conflict)#realistically i could work out any problems annelise and i have. but anytime we have an actual Issue to resolve#which is always SUPER minute honestly not even worth mentioning#it fucks me up for Days. and lives with me after.#not uh. not healthy but. dgjkfh that's what we're rocking wit#is anybody out there is anybody listening is anybody perceiving me#valentine notes#relationship posting
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I need the opening sequence of season 3 of Good Omens to be The Show Must Go On by Queen. (This idea I hereby give freely to anyone who has the power to make it a reality)
Like its just Aziraphale and Crowley going through it while showing us what they’ve been up to…
#good omens#season 3#amazon prime if you leave us hanging I’ll….#impose extreme sanctions#(yes I know that was just used to scare the cherubs my threats are as ineffectual as Hell)#literally#I should really be studying but here am I imagining the sequence of Crowley and Aziraphale to this song#its just so perfect#its sad#its angry#and its also just masking all that hurt and love and its just….#its just them#queen
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okay like the thing is. if i was going to write actual real marie fic with plot and consequences and everything. even in the hypothetical fic with lucifer being released from his rewritten character back to factory settings (s5) he’s still like. he’s not a good person. it’s important to me that if this was a real fic and not just me shitposting, that lucifer does not magically become a good person this way. or a good parent. in fact, he’s probably worse because he now has empirical evidence to back up that God will, when convenient, erase who he is, make him worse, make it so that there’s never any choice but for him to get worse. And who’s to say it isn’t still happening. who’s to say lucifer is “back to normal” because nephilim baby interference and not because God thought it would be more interesting to see him spiral down from a higher place rather than fall over already at rock bottom.
#he’s paranoid he’s possessive he’s a bitch he has daddy issues he doesn’t even know what (human) children eat#there’s a part of him that loves jack & marie so much it’s actually a dangerous terrifying thing and then another part of him that’s scared#of that love itself. for what it means he could do to them. for what it means they can do to him. the power they hold by existing and being#his babies. and then even another part that. not hates or resents but. he looks at them and thinks. did i choose this? i love you. i dont#know if i wanted you. i dont know if you’re just what my father used me to make for the next chapter. but i love you.#like yes there is the version of marie twin au where everything is Fine and theyre happy and everything gets wrapped up neatly#but realistically. that is not how the story actually goes. lucifer is not so easy to wrangle as that.#and neither are tfw for that matter. just because lucifer looks like a better parent to the twins on the surface (doesn’t threaten to murder#them daily) doesn’t mean he’s actually. good. at not hurting them in different ways. i mean. his example is god. he’s trying to surpass#someone that he can’t even. like even at his most rebellious. god is still on a pedestal and its everything around him that sucked shit. but#he still had to know what he was doing. and so lucifer is trying to surpass someone he hasn’t yet figured out how to look at without. well.#making him into a god. a perfect one or a cruel one.#at some point lucifer is going to realize he needs to be a father. not a god. is what i think im saying. but that takes time.#marieposting
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P3R happening has me hyped but it also makes me a little crazy like. You do not know him you WILL NEVER KNOW HIM. STAY AWAY FROM HIM STAY AWAY FROM MINATO.
#i made a post very similar to this like a month ago but the point still stands#im so protective over him.#perfect. the perfect boy.#compendiumnotebook#I'm really scared for how the game's going to do telling the story and if people will even play fes after this#which im sure the answer is yes#there's already been a lot of new people starting fes for the first time because of the announcement#and as long as one new person is introduced it's a win#it'll have been worth it#but also. please PLEASE please be nice to him#also the canon name argument ive noticed is getting particularly more annoying#but so is life#i report on the same things every two weeks and call it a day#trying to avoid people online that say smth is his 'canon name'#alright you may be right but also have u considered that youre actually deadnaming him?#yeah.. yeah thats what i thought.#I'm crazy please ignore me.
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something really sad is when my friends act as if I'll leave after they say something mean/hurt my feelings as if my love is temporary? like babe who hurt you. I'll take them out
#diary#“who hurt you” like i dont already know#its their parents. and i hate them.#but going back to the love is temporary thing... i hope i dont come across as someone whose love seems superficial#that being said if youre s horrible person i wont associate myself w you but. my friends arent horrible people#for lack of s better term they're traumatized by their upbringing#it really bothers me that they judge themselves through me sometimes. yes i can be upset with you and vice versa but#that doesnt mean you're undeserving of love or even just simple understanding and kindness.#but also. im no better or worse than you are. i have bad days and i rarely show my frustrations so openly with my friends#classic jade moment where i keep things to myself bc im scared being vulnerable and people leaving 👍#so like. i get it. im not perfect either. i can be a total bitch sometimes. i feel like everyone can. but i still love you#silly. my friends are silly
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birthdays haven’t been too bad the last few years but with picking my dad up from rehab last year i’ve been getting antsy about it again and my work is gonna leave balloons and a note on my desk and i do work that day and i thought i had the saving grace of my brother doing a thing with me the DAY after but due to work things were now doin it on the day and it’s just looming closer and closer 😰
#personal#you have like 5 bad birthdays in a row and suddenly have an actual fear of ur bday#again it didn’t happen for a few years so i was fine but dad thing now is scared again 🙄#anyway i would have said no to the work thing but i wanted to be normal and encourage good will between my coworkers#i mean on my 45 day review perfect notes but my supervisor had to specify leadership when talking about communication bc i DONT be#talking to my coworkers#which totally fine doesn’t effect my work at all but.#idk i didn’t want to be like no when i already don’t talk to people#but did start a convo today!!!#i’m not bad at talking with people or even strangers i’m not even super shy i’m just bad at being a person#anyway so said yes even tho it does make me antsy thinking about#and i hate working on my birthday bc it feels like.#any event on my bday freaks me out or at least used to and does again#like ideal birthday stay home in bed and survive just don’t want to encourage chance or take any risks#i just want to stay still until it’s over and everyone’s okay#but now i’m working and people are gonna say happy birthday and there will be balloons and a note#and my brothers taking me out which yay love him love solo time gonna ask for sushi#but i’m also scared like what if something happens to him?#but it’s silly to live in fear and he’s only here for like a day#and even if my dad came home i also got my first birthday surprise with my friends lying#and saying they needed art supplies and gave me a cake and hannibal stuff and it was so sweet i cried :)))
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Me @ myself after listening to Tomcat Disposables
#the answer is mouse btw#god ive been that mouse so many fucking times#and ik this song is probably supposed to be taken to be about a literal mouse but. come on. its the perfect analogy#and yes i cried over it#i was sobbing so hard i was scared of waking up my roommate#anyway guess who listened to 'in case i make it'#need more time to reflect on the album as a whole (as i always do with will wood) but GODDAMN#i have so many thoughts about this one though that i need to sit with for a while#anyway ill be falling apart for the next few days at least. if you need me ill be in my coffin#okay ill shut up now#will wood#tomcat disposables#snowys talking again
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