#remus wants thomas to embrace the parts of himself he is scared to acknowledge

[ronithesnail]

“Aw man i was really feeling the christmas spirit with all the juicy party drama and now youve all killed the vibe!”

Yeah yeah remus is chaos and enjoys chaos but listen. Remus is the side of uncomfortable truth. Yes he is intrusive thought but that’s cuz he wants thomas to see everything, no matter how unpleasant or unproductive for thomas. That’s why he so pushy with logan and wanting him to go apeshit. He doesn’t like things being bottled up he wants everything to come out.

[lovelivingmydreams]

Aparently writing fanfics about Sanders sides AU’s is a thing that I do now

So some of you might know  @rondoel made this really cool comic thing about king creativity. Master post here for those who don’t. The internet was given permission to do whatever they want with it. So this is not ‘canon’ to that comic, but an idea that won’t let me be until I write it down. So here’s part one of two:

Lost in thought

Virgil took a deep breath as he wrapped himself around baby Patton and looked up to Janus and Logan expectantly. They were both bowed over a desk with several memories and notes scattered all over. They hadn’t even noticed he’d left the room, and that might’ve been for the best. His attempt at talking to the king hadn’t gone as well as he’d hoped. He hadn’t been optimistic enough to think that upon his apology the king would split and Roman would run over and embrace him and get everything back to normal. But he’d thought something might change, anything at all. But now all he’d accomplished was making himself feel even worse.

Was Roman really gone gone? Forever?

And Remus? Sure he was a pain to deal with sometimes, but… they’d grown up together.

Virgil wanted them back, even if this new guy- well new to him- hadn’t been so scary, he wanted his friends back. Thomas was sleeping and likely wouldn’t get out of bed until he really had to in order to eat and drink tomorrow. They had survived a day in this chaos, only because Thomas was taking a break. Their host was still exhausted and would likely not be overly active for the next week. And with things being how they are, that was a good thing.

With his coherent thoughts muted, his moral compass and emotions reduced to a non-verbal child and his anxiety incapable of properly analyzing the situation out of fear of causing absolute chaos in the mindscape… None of that could be good. At least Thomas wouldn’t call for them unless king gave him a very urgent reason to. Virgil took a deep breath and returned his attention to the present. Hopeful that Logan and Janus had come up with something after a full day of sitting in this library. Just because Logan was mute, didn’t mean he wasn’t the smartest among them anymore right? And Janus, no matter what else Virgil thought of him, was very clever too. Surely they’d know what to do… Or maybe Virgil could still do something? Logan had once told him that he was needed to get them out of sticky situations when they do come up.

This situation was very sticky.

“Lo? Janus?” he asked softly, mindful of the fact that baby Patton was all tuckered out in his arms.

He gently got up from his spot against the bookcase and readjusted his grip, feeling the way the luxurious fabric moved around his body. The material was soft and warm, but the uniform was nowhere near as comforting as he’d like. He missed his hoodie, but he didn’t dare risk going into his room  to look for it in his current condition. Still… maybe he could ask one of the other’s to see if they could find one, even if it was his old pre ‘fitting in’ hoodie… It always made him feel safe. Big enough to hide away in when the world became too much and to hide how small and weak he looked. This outfit made him look like a child next to the others. He never liked that about his appearance. Despite being a nearly thirty year old adult like everyone else, he still looked like a teenager whose body hadn’t fully caught up with his new height. No wonder the king looked down on him. In his eyes, he was probably just a kid. King clearly felt like he was older and wiser than all of them…

He shook himself out of his thoughts. He has to focus on here and now.

“What should we do?” he asked.

The two older sides exchanged a glance, Logan nodded and Janus cleared his throat uneasily.

“We can’t do much…” he admitted reluctantly. King had apparently been right, with everyone else out for the count, his ability to lie was near nonexistent.

“Neither of us are strong enough to stand up to him., he has made sure of that. And even if we were all at full strength, I don’t think me or Logan, even if we were to work together, would be able to match him now. Not even if Patton helped us. Creativity has matured with Thomas and grown stronger. You might stand the best chance, but in your current condition…”

“Me?” Virgil asked shocked. He was only ‘powerful' when Thomas was really overwhelmed or in imminent danger. That is when he could shut everyone else up, or focus them on a single task. And even then he had little control over even himself.

“Yes Virgil,” Janus insisted looking at him like the words held the key to world peace. “Like I explained earlier, he has nothing against you personally.

This is about me, Logan and Patton. But he knows you can shut his ideas down with just a few well-placed doubts in Thomas’ head, as he himself acknowledged. And he is right to fear you Virgil. You were a great source of motivation for Thomas to get creative, but you can take that motivation away just as easily.”

Virgil shook his head. Shutting creativity down completely? Even if… well no, Janus was right. He could. He had told Roman no so often in the past and despite Roman’s promises to strike him down he never even tried. When Thomas asked to get rid of him that first video, Roman hadn’t even tried to confront him head on, pretended they weren’t in the same room… Had Roman been afraid of him? Could he truly hit the brakes? No out of the question.

“I get that we can’t let him just run the place, but Thomas… I can’t hurt Thomas like that. He needs his creativity too much, especially now with everything… It would be devastating,” he insists as he gently runs his fingers through baby Patton’s hair. Creativity helps Thomas cope when life becomes too much.

He catches sight of Logan looking down in what he believes is shame. Why? What was everyone’s deal with this creativity?

“Maybe, if I knew what happened, before me, before the split,” he tries. “Maybe I could try talking to him again? See if he can see it our way?” he suggested. He wanted Roman and Remus back. But his priority had to be with the others. Who knew if the brothers would be able to reverse what the king did? Or if things would go back to normal once the king disappeared? He couldn’t risk that. So first, help everyone else and then see if they can get the twins back. He hated prioritizing like that, but it was for Thomas.

Janus and Logan exchanged another look and then, as one, shook their heads at Virgil.

Logan silently cleaned up their research and turned away to head to his room without another wo… well, glance. It was so fast Virgil couldn’t even decipher the emotion that had flashed underneath the surface of his stoic mask.

Janus on the other hand put on a comforting smile and patted him on the shoulder in an overly friendly gesture. “This is not your burden to carry Virgil. It doesn’t matter anyway. We’ll think of something. You just focus on staying calm and looking after Patton, alright?”

Without waiting for an answer Janus hurriedly followed Logan and left Virgil alone and slightly frustrated in the library. Great. Just great. It wasn’t the first time he asked about the king. Even before this whole mess, he'd been curious for ages. But he was always dismissed with “it's in the past" and the like. But now it wasn’t in the past anymore and the other’s were still leaving him in the dark. What were they hiding?

Virgil sighed and started wandering. Or he wanted to wander but his “promotion” seemed to lead him to his “ boss’ ” domain the second he lost focus. Soon he found himself stranded in the never ending fields of imagination. Virgil stopped walking, not wanting to interrupt his majesty again, and tried to focus on Patton's steadily moving chest.

He was scared. Without much else to distract him, even the task of protecting baby Patton would soon seize to keep the bad thoughts at bay. Especially with everything being so terrible.

He wanted Roman to be here. He'd know how to distract him. At the very least he wanted his music so he could agonize in peace for a little while. When he listened to music, he could sort through the feelings without them actually translating into thoughts. Just then he saw something appear at his feet.

Curiously he sat down Indian style and noted to his delight that it was his headphones and a music player. He eagerly put it on and scrolled trough the lists. It had all of their Spotify lists downloaded as well as a list that just read ‘TSS’. As he scrolled trough it he learned that it contained all of their lists combined into one along with every song Thomas had ever created and/or performed.

Well. That would do it. He put on the phones, curled himself around Patton once more and started humming.

[shaebyrnes]

Just a little lie

Ships: platonic Anxceit

Janus’s Pov

I sat down with the others waiting for Virgil to speak. He had told us earlier that week that there was something important he wanted to say to everyone. I have to admit, I was very curious. Even though, Virgil and I were quite close, he was still the only person I knew that kept their emotions as guarded as I did. I looked around trying to see if anyone knew what Virgil was about to say, but they all seemed to be as clueless as I was.

-Ok so hum, Virgil started, man this is harder than I thought. I’m just going to go ahead and say it: I’m nonbinary. Like I’m not a man, I’m a demiboy. So like partially male and partially neutral, if that makes sense.

No one said anything since we were all shocked.

-Please say something, he pleaded.

-What pronouns would you like us to use for you, Roman asked while walked towards Virgil and giving him a hug.

-He/him and they/them, Virgil replied hugging him back.

I immediately stood up and embraced my best friend.

-I’m so proud of you, I whispered in their ear.

Everyone soon joined in. We stayed like that until Vee started to feel uncomfortable so they pushed us off and everyone went back their seat to eat dinner. Everyone a part from me. When he came out, it brought back some feelings I had been repressing for a long time.

I went back to my room determined to figure out why my best friend saying they were nonbinary affected me so much. As soon as I entered my room, the truth hit me like a to a bricks: I was nonbinary and I had been suppressing that part of myself for way too long. To be honest, it wasn’t like it surprised me. I had always known that my identity wasn’t fully male. It wasn’t like I was uncomfortable if people called me sir or used he or anything, but part of me also wanted people to use other pronouns as well. In a way, I felt like my identity fluctuated but I was confused as to how exactly. For some reason the thought of questioning my gender was something that scared me. I would have to admit that I wasn’t who I said I was. That I was lying to myself. Which to be honest, shouldn’t be that strange. Right? After all, what else would you expect from the master of deception? It made sense that I would be good at lying. So I decided to do some research because I knew I would go insane if I didn’t. I ended up figuring out that the label that fit what I felt the most was Pangender. As for pronouns, I really wasn’t sure which one to use, so I decided I would try using any to see how I felt. Throughout the next couple of weeks, I slowly got used to feeling comfortable in my identity. I didn’t tell anyone about it though. I was afraid they wouldn’t believe me. Not that I thought any of them would be completely unaccepting, but it was just that they seemed to believe all I could do was lie, that I could never tell the truth. I really wanted to tell someone, anyone really but I was so afraid of their reaction so I just kept it inside.

Jan, Virgil asked sitting on the couch next to me, are you okay?

-I’m fine, I replied. Why are you asking?

-I just feel a lot of anxiety coming from you, they started. So what’s up? You know you can tell me anything right?

I wanted to tell him, but a voice in my head stopped me. Would they be angry at me? Would he think I was just copying them? Even though, I knew Vee wasn’t the type of person to react that way to someone coming out to him, I still couldn’t shake this irrational fear.

-Well, I stated simply, I don’t know where you’re getting that because I’m not anxious at all.

-If you say so, they replied not convinced. Just know I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to.

Then they walked away leaving me to ponder our conversation. I knew he would be accepting of my identity. I mean, they had never been unaccepting of any other parts of me, so why wouldn’t his acceptance also extend to my gender identity? Maybe it was my fear of not being taken seriously because I didn’t have everything figured out yet. That I wouldn’t have an answer if someone asked me what my pronouns were. All I knew was that I didn’t exactly like using any and all pronouns. I wanted one that would encompass all of my identity, but I hadn’t found one that fit me perfectly quite yet. For some reason, figuring that out was really important to me, so I did a lot more research.

I ended up spending more time on my own during the next couple of weeks. All I could seem to do was wallow in my own self pity. Somehow realizing that I was nonbinary didn’t bring me as much joy as you may think it would. On the contrary actually, it only seemed to make me even more ashamed of myself and I wasn’t sure why exactly. Maybe it was because I had always thought that since everyone around me told me I was a man, I had no right to question it. They clearly knew more about me that I did, right? At least that’s what I thought before. At the time, I didn’t know who I was, so I guess when someone told me who they thought I was, I just ran with it because it was easier than taking the time to actually figure out my identity. So in a way, I was glad to finally be allowing myself to explore who I was.

Even though it scared me, I knew I would have to come out to someone at some point. Otherwise, I knew it would prevent me from doing my job well. I couldn’t keep hiding it forever. Doing so would only result in me slowly descending into a pit of self hate until I wouldn’t be able to do the main thing I was created for, which was what I was trying to prevent. “Jeez, I thought to myself, way to be depressing Janus!”

I could feel all my fears come back to the surface of my mind as I knocked on Virgil’s door. “This is it, I thought. You can do it.”

-Jan, they said as he opened his door? What is going on?

-Can I come in, I asked calmly even though I didn’t feel calm at all?

-Sure, he responded leading back to his bed. Are you okay though? You’re very anxious.

I took a sharp breath before speaking.

-Vee, I started, I’m nonbinary.

He didn’t say anything. I told them everything. It took a while but I was glad I did it. When I mentioned my uncertainty about pronouns I wanted to use, Virgil suggested I look into neopronouns. I hadn’t heard of that before so I was interested. He decided to do some research with me at that moment. After spending some time looking at different pronouns, I ended up finding one that I liked a lot: Xe/Xem. As soon as I saw it, it was like everything just clicked. For the first time in a while I felt like I had found something that truly represented me.

-So, Vee asked, do you see any you like?

-Yeah, I answered, I think I like Xe/Xem. Do you think you could try using it in a sentence with my name so I can see how I feel.

-Sure thing, they replied with a smile. Le me just write a little something down.

He took a piece of paper and a pen from his desk and thought a couple seconds before writing something down. They handed it to me but I gave it back. I told him I wanted to hear them say it out loud see what it would feel like to hear someone using use this pronoun for me not in writing.

-This is Janus, he started. xe’s my best friend and has a wonderful personality. That smile of xyrs makes me really happy. I could talk to xem all day even though Xe can be distracted easily. Xe’s a bit of a reserved person but I can honestly say I’m so proud of xem for telling me about xyr identity because I know how hard it was for xem.

I tested to say bit at his words. I hadn’t realized how much I needed to hear that. I couldn’t speak so I just gave them a hug. I felt so lucky to have him in my life. Hearing them use that pronoun for me made me feel so happy. I felt like I had finally figured out who I was. I pulled away after a bit still feeling a bit choked up.

-I, I tried to say but I couldn’t continue. I...

-It’s okay, they said smiling at me. You don’t have to say anything. Just know I’m always here for you no matter what.

We spent the rest of that day watching movies together in his room. In all honesty, I was glad I had told Virgil but I was still apprehensive about how the others would react. Not to mention how Thomas himself would react. Would they be as accepting as Vee? Would they even believe me? They never did seem too pleased anytime I showed up in their side of the mindscape or when I showed up for videos. However, none of them were ever outwardly hateful towards me. Well, a part from Roman giving me some mean spirited nicknames, but those never really affected me much. I just wasn’t sure how they, apart from Virgil and Remus, felt about me.

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to come out to everyone. I considered doing it in a similar way to how Virgil did it, but it didn’t exactly feel right. A part of me kind of wanted mention it casually and not make it a big deal, but I also knew that if I did that, I may not be taken seriously. Or at least, not as seriously as I wanted to be taken. So I decided to tell everybody the next time we had a meeting to discuss the next video. That way they would all be there so I could get it over with.

I popped up next to Virgil as everyone was in deep discussion about next week’s video. Vee gave me a small smile acknowledging my presence while I waited for the others to notice me which didn’t take long.

-Deceit, Thomas exclaimed when he turned to talk to Virgil. Why are you here?

He didn’t seem to pleased to see me. Oh well, I had come for a specific reason and was determined to do exactly that.

-Don’t worry, I replied calmly. I’m not here to cause you any harm or anything. I just want to share something.

I looked around and saw that they all looked apprehensive. Well apart from Vee who was giving me a reassuring smile.

-And what night that be, Roman asked?

-I’m nonbinary, I explained. I use Xe/xem pronouns.

I closed my eyes for bit bracing myself for the worst. I still didn’t think they’d be nice about it. Where were the: “ Is this a joke?”, “ Are you lying?”, “Why should we trust you?”? I couldn’t hear anyone say any of these things. Instead, I felt a pair wrap around my waist. Shocked, I opened my eyes and saw that Patton was hugging me.

-I’m glad that you felt comfortable enough to tell us that, he said happily.

I hadn’t realized how much I longed for Patton’s acceptance, so hearing him say that meant more to me than I could ever express.

-What, I asked still a bit shocked, really?

-Yes, Logan confirmed turning to me. If you say that this is your identity, then it is. We would have no right to contest it as I would assume that you probably know yourself better than we do.

-So you don’t think I’m lying, I asked again? Or that I’m copying Virgil? You actually believe me?

-Janus, Thomas answered, of course we believe you. Being nonbinary isn’t something that is reserved for only certain types of people. Besides, even though you may represent Deceit, I doubt you’d lie about something so personal. So yes, I’m completely okay with who you are.

I turned to Roman waiting for his reaction.

-It is my pleasure, he started in an very dramatic voice, to be welcoming another nonbinary royalty to our humble family.

I smiled brightly at his words, silently thanking him. All of it was so Roman that it was perfect.

-Does that mean I still get to called you J-anus or Double Dee, Remus popping behind the TV.

I chuckled a bit at that. Of course that’s what he thought about.

-Yes, I stated smiling at him, Remus. You can call me whatever you want.

I knew that even if I tried to stop him, it wouldn’t work. Not that I minded though. I found it endearing in a way. I was glad that my coming out wasn’t such a big deal to everyone. That seemed to ease a lot of my fears. To be honest, even though I was grateful for it, I was still surprised that they all accepted me so easily. I had spent so much time telling myself that no one would believe me when it came to who I was. It was like I didn’t realize that in reality, the only person I needed to prove my identity to was myself.

[jowritesthingss]

at a point of breaking

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairing(s): n/a

Rating: General Audiences

Content Warning(s): arguing mention (nothing explicit), shouting mention (again, nothing explicit), panic/anxiety attacks (not explicitly mentioned)

Length: 950 words

Brief Summary: so we all know that canonically Janus can silence the others, right? let’s make that angsty, shall we?

TS Masterlist + AO3 Links

*

Janus, even after all of the other sides warily begin to accept him, still silences the others from time to time. it’s a part of his job. he just...does it. he takes no pride in it, but he accepts it, even embraces it sometimes.

it’s not to deliberately cause lies of omission or withhold the truth. certainly Janus enjoys a fair amount of chaos, but he doesn’t ever intend to hurt the others. he just does his job as he sees fit and, regardless of whether the others like it or not, this means that the silencing is a part of his role as self-preservation and denial.

it’s a part of his role to thanklessly protect people—to protect the other sides, to protect Thomas.

(to protect himself)

-

so when the sides start arguing—when the words someone is saying are angry, harmful, incendiary. when someone is about to hurt someone else unnecessarily. when someone is scared to acknowledge the truth just yet. when someone isn’t ready to acknowledge the truth just yet—that’s when Janus comes in.

when Logan’s logic will only make Virgil more anxious. when Virgil starts to overthink and suppress Remus. when Remus is about to say something that will make Patton cry. when Patton is about to lead Roman onto an unrealistic tangent. when Roman’s daydreaming is overpowering Logan’s logic.

(...and yes, admittedly when Janus doesn’t want to lose a debate, if he’s in a particularly bratty mood that day.)

there is much about himself that Thomas isn’t ready to know, much that Thomas isn’t ready to face. he must be able to take care of himself in certain aspects before he can hope to conquer other issues, so the responsibility falls onto Janus to delicately (and sometimes not-so-delicately) tug him onto that path.

and there are all sorts of occasions in which Janus’ ability is useful, really. so while he does take care not to overuse it, sometimes to keep people from fighting and needlessly causing damage, Janus has to whip out his little party trick and silence one of the others.

(always one of the others. never Thomas, never himself. he’s never tried either, isn’t sure either would actually work, frankly.)

-

but.

-

at a point of breaking, during an overemotional conflict, the script flips. something changes.

the others are arguing and they’re so so loud, and Janus is so so hurt.

they’re all just...they’re arguing and they’re loud and they aren’t listening to him and god, he finally knows how Logan felt that one time, so unresistant to Janus smoothly yanking him out-of-frame and impersonating him. he finally knows how Virgil felt when he left the dark sides, how Remus felt when he broke out, desperate for Thomas to see and know and hear him.

Janus wants to shout, to scream, to silence them all just to get them to be quiet and listen to him, listen to each other, just listen. but he isn’t so powerful, and his acceptance by the others is still so new, still so fragile. he isn’t in the habit of deceiving himself—theirs is mutual acceptance, perhaps acquaintance, certainly not friendship. his doubt of them lingers easier in his head, twisting and tangling truths and lies until they look and sound and feel and are the same.

revealing his name wasn’t exactly easy, but in retrospect the act was nothing like the level of vulnerability he knows he needs to display now. only—only he’s used to keeping to himself and licking his own wounds. he isn’t used to playing this social game. he isn’t used to actively helping, isn’t used to caring about whether any of it makes him look the villain. and it’s still so difficult to ignore the tiny voice whispering for him to just ignore the conflict, to just sink out already.

(not his problem, is it? he didn’t start the argument this time.)

-

so at first it’s simplest to give in to the self-silencing terror of telling the truth. at first it’s almost a comfort to suck in the words and keep them trapped firm under his tongue.

and yet—telling the truth hurts, but holding onto the truth hurts just as much, god, it hurts.

and then the arguing and the yelling and the shouting and the hurting all goes on, it goes on and on and on, and Janus doesn’t know what to do.

he doesn’t know if he should scream out the truth to them all, if he should just whisper it beneath the shouting, if he should just swallow it back down where it came from. he doesn’t know what he should do, doesn’t even know what he wants to do. but regardless of what he wants, the words are bubbling and frothing in his throat, pushing closer and closer to the tip of his tongue, clamoring to be let out whether he likes it or not.

the others’ voices crescendo upwards as the words in his throat rise up like bile.

(closer and closer and closerclosercloser—)

they’re getting up in each others’ faces now, cameras and assigned spots forgotten, and Thomas is finally giving up on any attempt to salvage anything of whatever this had been—

—and so, so scared that the truth is going to slip out otherwise, Janus finally waves his hand.

-

the other sides freeze when they see him make that all-too-familiar motion. they and Thomas glance warily amongst themselves to see who his target will be this time...only to have their confused glances return to Janus upon seeing no hands covering any mouths.

and then they see. oh, they see. they listen.

(too little, too late—)

for Janus has silenced himself.

Fin

*

this started as what was supposed to be a quick li’l tumblr post and...well, it spiralled, as you can see. it’s a weird mix between fic and textpost, and I think I quite like it. lemme know what you think!! (ALSO if you wanna write anything based upon this concept, please feel welcome to! I’d love to see other interpretations of this idea!)

Want to be added onto any of my taglists? Shoot me an ask or a message here or via my other social media!

[monstercupcake61176]

Some things about Logan that I don’t see anyone talk about

Putting this under a cut because it gets long but hey, I’m proud of it. Honestly, I don’t know what the heck this turned into. I thought it was just gonna be an analysis but I can’t maintain a steady train of thought to save my life. 

During SVS when Deceit calls Logan as a witness he asks him what his thoughts are on the whole matter and at first Logan gives an objective opinion, saying that Thomas has more to lose if he misses the wedding. His words are: “Up until very recently, this callback didn't even exist to Thomas. Therefore, missing this opportunity is akin to him never having gotten the callback in the first place. There’s no real impact.”

He furthers this point by saying that even if Thomas did go to the call back there’s no guarantee that he’d even get the part in the first place. So if he went, failed to get the part, then he would have missed the wedding for nothing.  That said, when Deceit asks what they could lose if they skip the wedding, Logan says that it’s possible that he loses his friends and that Thomas’ friends are important to him. Up until now Logan hasn’t been giving his own personal thoughts on the matter, which Deceit then asks him to do, and here’s the first thing Logan says:  “Well, Thomas has several friends and they all tend to distract him from his responsibilities so perhaps two less isn’t so bad.”

And when I say no one talks about this, I don’t mean just the fandom, I mean literally, no one in the room so much as reacts to this. Deceit just moves the conversation along and despite asking for Logan’s thoughts, he doesn’t acknowledge them at all. 

Why I find this so odd is that most of the Sides, Virgil included, all care and love Thomas’ friends just as much as he does. 

But Logan? He never shows an interest or any concern towards them, he tolerates their existence in Thomas’ life but he doesn’t go out of his way worrying about whether or not Thomas’ actions will hurt them like the others do. 

This continues in DWIT when Logan gets offended by Remus insulting Thomas’ work (which is the only time Logan is openly bothered by Remus throughout the episode might I add) and says: “Insulting Thomas’ friends and family is one thing but his work? Is nothing sacred?” And this time there is a brief reaction from Thomas who at first agrees with him but then asks “What about my friends and family?” But again, it’s still not really acknowledged or brought up throughout the remainder of the episode or within the fandom. This time it’s treated as more of a joke and Logan doesn’t bother hiding the statement from the others, but in SVS he says it quickly and under his breath, like he doesn’t want the others to know, but still isn’t really making an effort to hide it. 

And knowing Logan, he isn’t afraid to voice his opinions. 

So what’s the point of this observation? Well, I have one of three points. 

The first point is how this behavior towards Thomas’ friends and family can show insight as to how Logan views the other Sides. He’s not particularly close with any of them, honestly, he’s the odd one out. He doesn’t like to participate in their group activities unless it serves a purpose. Like in Making Changes, he agreed to shapeshift into Thomas’ friends as long as it would help him. Then in Fitting In he was willing to participate if it meant helping Virgil, but as soon as he learned he’d had the option to not participate he was angry that he’d gone through all of that and wasted time. And of course LNTAO he spent the entire episode butting heads with everyone while they tried to convince him to join in on something he really did not want to do. 

The times where Logan did participate in the group, I noticed something interesting but also kinda sad. So in the Christmas video at first, Logan refuses to sing. Instead he speaks all of his lines because he doesn’t like to sing. But eventually, he starts rapping his line instead since he doesn’t mind rapping. The first couple of times he does it, he glances at the others to see if they’ve noticed, when they don’t comment he stops looking and starts getting more into it. He gets louder, he moves around more, he might actually be starting to have fun with this, but then Roman finally says something. “Are you trying to rap?” And then he stops. He tells Roman he doesn’t like to sing, and instead of being told “Oh okay, go ahead and rap if that’s more your style.” What he’s doing is ruining Roman’s song and so he stops, but he gets to have at least a little more fun (and possible revenge) by swapping lines with Patton and first, scaring everyone with a FALSEHOOD and when it’s his turn again, everyone braces themselves, only to be blown away when he actually sings his line. But here’s the thing, he doesn’t sing the lyrics Roman wrote, instead he changes it to something he actually enjoys. Only this time, it’s accepted instead of being rejected, and I believe it’s because this time he did it the way Roman would have wanted it. Had Logan rapped the line, I doubt any of them would have been as impressed. (No hate on Roman though I love my boy and he works so hard)

Skip ahead to Embarrassing Phases and you have all the Sides dressed in Halloween costumes, even Logan! But then we learn that originally, Logan was going to dress as Dr. Frankenstein, not the monster. He only changed this when Roman basically said, “That’s boring! Be the monster instead! That’s way better!” And again, Logan complies. He joins in with the group, but he had to give something up in order to do it. Both times Logan had to change himself in order to join in with the others, and when it was clear that what was going on wasn’t helping him, like with the song in LNTAO, instead of stopping and asking Logan how they can better help him understand, they continue on while Logan becomes more and more frustrated. Sure, he came around in the end, even turning into a puppet himself and enjoying it a little, and I’m pretty sure it’s because this time, everyone accepted it. 

No one asked him to change what he did, they didn’t criticize him or anything, they all liked it, which is I’m sure what made Logan feel more at ease and even get into “character” as a puppet.   Now imagine if he’d received the same acceptance during both Christmas episodes. Where he wasn’t shot down for rapping his lines and was able to go further with what he was doing as he got more comfortable, or was able to dress in the costume he wanted. What if he’d fully embraced the “mad scientist” look and blew the others away with his costume?  To add to Logan being the outsider of the group, more so than Virgil at this point, is how his views and wants differ so much from the other three. He doesn’t view Thomas’ friends as important, everyone else does. He thinks Thomas should get a different job, everyone is appalled by the very thought. Logan wishes Thomas would go back to school, take a course or two, and while he was told that Thomas would consider it, this never happened. 

And admittedly, while some of the other three’s views clash, their wants always line up with what Thomas also wants. Patton wants him to be a good person and friend because that’s what Thomas himself wants to be. Roman wants him to chase his dreams and do the things he’s passionate about because Thomas wants that too. Virgil wants him to be safe and not get hurt, so does Thomas.

Logan wants him to be taken seriously and pursue a more professional, stable career, but that’s not really what Thomas wants. He’s accepted that his content doesn’t have to be serious in order to have meaning, and he loves his current profession and wants to pursue a career in acting. Their wants clash, and Logan seems to have accepted this rather begrudgingly. Settling for the role of the Side who provides Thomas with the information he needs and does his best to do his job despite being dragged into the other’s shenanigans. Since the Crofter’s episode, Logan has been making more of an effort to be taken as seriously as possible. Refusing to be seen as a joke and possibly, doing what he can to be accepted just enough by the others so they’ll listen to him. And if this sometimes means compromising who he is, then so be it. Because to him, nothing is more important than his job. 

All of this brings me to my second point: You know who else’s wants differ from what Thomas actually wants?  Deceit and Remus. 

Deceit wants Thomas put himself above others in order to obtain his goals while Remus wants him to be more daring with his content and not put limits on himself.

Thomas, of course, doesn’t want to put others down in order to get what he wants, and he has his own morals that keep him from going off the rails with what he puts in his videos. 

He, along with the others, see these ideals as bad and want nothing to do with them. When in reality Thomas being 100% selfless is hurting him and there isn’t anything wrong with exploring darker themes in videos, but we’ll get to that another time. 

So far Thomas rejects everything Deceit and Remus bring to the table, and in a way, he does the same thing with Logan. Granted, Logan has the advantage of not being a “Dark Side” so he is at least listened to and for the most part, his words are heeded when he’s doing his job. 

But really, that’s all Logan’s reduced to. There’s a problem, he gives all the facts they need in order to solve it, and then he’s done. He sees it as work, as his job. He does what he needs to and nothing more, not expecting anything in return. 

Then DWIT happens, and once the problem is solved, something changes. Thomas thanks Logan for helping them, and at first he brushes it off, but then he’s told he’s cool. 

And you can clearly see how this affects Logan, his face lights up. He looks surprised, almost like he doesn’t believe it, but then he almost smiles before sinking out. We don’t see his full reaction, but we see enough to know that this meant a lot to him. This continues in the first Sanders Asides episode where he refers to him as their “Cool teacher” and after he once again solves their dilemma and everything is going smoothly, he has a quiet moment where he smiles and looks very proud of himself. 

Something has changed with Logan now, for the first time (and I meant that it literally could be the first time I’m not sure) he’s been given validation for his work. He wasn’t looking for praise, he was just doing his job, but Thomas was so grateful and finally, finally after doing this for so long he’s finally given assurance that what he’s doing matters, it means something to Thomas and he won’t forget that. 

So for the third and final point (which will be the shortest since it’s mostly speculating), I believe all of this will come into play once the next Side is revealed. We’ve seen that Logan is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to Remus, Deceit even leaves him out of the conversation since we all know Logan would have solved the problem almost instantly, and it’s been speculated before that Logan may meet his match with this next Dark Side, and honestly, I think that may be the case.

Right now, Logan is probably at the highest he’s ever been. He’s finally being recognized by Thomas, he’s confident in his ability to deal with the Dark Sides and handle them (even better than Virgil who was making it his personal goal to protect Thomas from them) and probably isn’t even concerned with the remaining Side. 

And here’s the thing, Deceit probably knows all this. 

It’s implied that he’s the one who set Remus loose, and he was either observing what happened or had Remus fill him in once he got back. Either way, he’ll know about how Logan handled the situation. If he wants whatever plan he has in mind to work, he needs Logan out of the way. Whether that means physically preventing him from being with the others, or by using the next Dark Side against him. 

Think about it, Remus distressed Patton, Virgil, and Thomas throughout the episode, Roman clearly doesn’t like him. Virgil goes feral when Deceit shows up, but Logan hardly reacts to their presence. 

If Deceit wants to succeed, Logan has to be taken down, and will probably use his pride, and current state of confidence, against him with the next Side. Because if Logan can’t be counted on to help Thomas, if Logic can’t be counted on, then who will Thomas turn to?

Him and Virgil aren’t in a good place right now, and from the looks of it, he may not be in the best place with Patton or Roman either, which would leave Logan as the last of the “Light Sides” for Thomas to turn to. 

But if he were to see him fail, or disappear, then it would be the perfect opportunity for Deceit to step in and replace him as the Side Thomas listens to. Or even have this next Side take on the role instead depending on what he represents. 

But hey, that’s just a theory, a Side theory. 

Also I really love Logan can you tell?

[deadanddeactivated]

Intrusive Concern

Fandom: Sanders Sides Characters: Remus Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Deceit, Orange/Wrath, others mentioned Pairings: Remus & Virgil Warnings: It’s from Remus’ POV so there’s lots of Remus-y thoughts Summary: Remus is a 'Dark Side'.  He knows that, he's accepted that, but he never wanted it.

And now Virgil isn't one, and Remus can't let Deceit ruin that.

AO3

--

Remus is a 'Dark Side'.  He knows that, he's accepted that, but he never wanted it.

"I'm not evil."  He used to mutter to himself.  Back when Thomas was young and the split was fresh.

"Of course not."  Roman used to scoff.  "You're half of me, and there's no way I can be evil."  Back before Thomas had focused on Roman alone.  Before Remus was shoved to the back of his mind to be ignored and forgotten and denied.

"Of course you are."  Wrath had smirked.  "But that's fine, we can still make Thomas see you."  Back when he was the first Side Remus had seen in years.  Back when Roman had long since stopped seeking him out.

Remus had been desperate then.  Desperate to be seen and heard and acknowledged.  So he'd taken Wrath's hand and he'd joined the 'Dark Sides' (as Roman would would one day dub them, as Wrath alone would embrace). And he hated it.

He doesn't mutter to himself anymore.  Remus has accepted his place on the 'Dark Sides' and he gets it now.  'Being evil' wasn't his call to make - it was Thomas'.  Thomas thinks he’s dark and so he is.  There's no changing that, not when Thomas doesn't so much as react to thinking about jumping out of a moving car, let alone wonder where the thought came from.

The others like to claim they’re in the same boat as Remus.  Or Deceit likes to go on about how this is 'totally his choice and what he wants' while Wrath waxes lyrical about how darkness was something thrust upon him.

It's all a bunch of butthole.  

They aren't like him.  They aren't half of a whole, easily split into 'good' and 'bad' no matter how inaccurate the terms.  No, they aren't like that, they're whole.  Whole and complete and not missing a part of himself and-

Remus feels a wave of energy as his thoughts slip into Thomas' and sighs.  Usually he tries to be a little more creative with his influence, but it can't be helped now.  Maybe later he'll have Thomas think about pushing Joan in front of a car, he does have a reputation to keep.  What would Wrath do if he discovered how little Remus cared for the whole 'brooding, evil, edgelord' vibe?  Especially after…

Ah, but Remus' thoughts are getting ahead of him.  He isn't up to that part yet.  No, he's thinking about Deceit and Wrath and how they don't have to be ‘Dark Sides’.  They're whole aspects of Thomas, they cover a lot more than what they're named after.  If they only played their cards right, Remus is sure they wouldn't be about of the unwanted.  Thomas would see them in a whole new light (ha).

Fear was just proof of that.

Sorry, Anxiety.  Well actually Virgil.  Remus has such trouble keeping track of what that side is going by these days.  Maybe he should just mix all the names, cover all his bases at once.  What would that even be? 

Virgity?  Anear?  Fexigil?

Ha.  The first two sound almost like dirty words.  He'll have to start using one of those whenever he sees Virgil.

Not that he ever sees Virgil.  Even back when he was Fear, he avoided Remus like the plague.  

That had hurt once.  Back before he pressed Deceit for why and got a happily spoken answer, "Wrath totally hasn't talked you up as a super negative influence on Thomas.  Virg definitely isn't scared of you.  Why would he be?  He's Fear."  

Remus supposes he'll be pulled away from people forever.  Roman was first, pulled away by Thomas and the wanted sides, and now Wrath had pulled him away from Virgil.  How long until someone pulled him away from Deceit?

He visited once, after Virgil officially shed his identity as Fear but before he'd really become one of them.  He just popped up one afternoon as the newly dubbed Anxiety (that's what he was going by then, right?) paced his room, now floating somewhere between the wanted and the unwanted sides.  Remus really only wanted to give him his congratulations, to tell Virgil how happy jealous he was.  It did not go well.  It never does.

"Well, well, well it really worked.  Maybe you should be creativity, hm?"  He joked.  Virgil had hissed as he turned to face Remus who just kept grinning just keep grinning.  The vaguely lit side had already been tense but Remus could see it get worse, so scared even as he glared and held his ground.  "You managed to recreate yourself after all.  Oh, do you think we could really swap?  We can clearly change."  Remus continued.  He never liked silence.

"Leave me alone Duke."  Virgil managed through clenched teeth.  He knew Remus name, he didn't have to use that title.  Why did everyone always use that title?  Why was he always lesser?  "I'm not like you, I don't want any part of your schemes."

"No, you're not."  Remus agreed.  You're whole, he wanted to say, not like me.  No matter how much I change, I'll always be a half.  Always be the Dark to Roman's Light.

Instead, he perked up.  "But hey, do you think the others think that?"  It was meant to be an innocent question.  A conversation starter.

Instead, the bags under Virgil's eyes got darker.  The same way more and more of Fear's eyes would start to dart around when Remus was near. 

"They don't know."  Virgil claimed, voice layered and wrong.  Something shifted in Thomas as Virgil's paranoia spiked.  "They can't know!"

Remus didn't visit Virgil again.

He sticks to the back of Thomas' mind.  Somehow, he finds himself hating it even more now.  Which is ridiculous, because things aren't different without Virgil.  Not for him, they'd never been friends.

And yet, Remus starts avoiding Wrath as the side simmers away. Which is, admittedly, pathetically easy once Wrath locks himself away in his room.  Not that that will last.  The second Thomas gives him the chance, he'll boil over and even Remus doesn't want to see that kind of destruction.  Well actually it might be interesting… he'll have to think about it.

Watching as Deceit grows bolder without Virgil around to hold him back is harder because suddenly Thomas sees him, knows him, and god Remus wants that so bad it's not fair.  But harder still is listening to Deceit becoming more and more desperate to convince himself Virgil isn't really gone.

"He hasn't abandoned us!  He's just, building up to some grand scheme.  We'll see!"  He used to scream.  Back when Virgil first left them.  Those defenses had quickly morphed into claims of, "They've manipulated him.  We just need to snap him out of it and he'll come back!"  Sometimes Remus wonders if Deceit knows how much he lies to himself.  Sometimes he wonders if Virgil knew.

Remus stays out of it.  He listens and he gives Deceit empty words or he redirects the conversation but he stays in the back of Thomas' mind.  Oh he thinks plenty about the ways he could step in.  Dramatic displays that will lead to Virgil liking him and Thomas seeing him and Roman letting him join in again.  But he doesn't act on any of it.

Then he overhears Deceit saying something and that changes.

"If Thomas wants to be more honest with himself," he starts, spitting the word 'honest' like it's poison, how would a snake even poison itself, or would someone else be poisoning it, would someone have to force feed a snake poison to do that, "then all his sides should be honest."

"Qh, plotting in the dark again.  That's bad for your eyes.  Or at least one of them.  Would the human one or the snake one be worse off?  We should test this.  And also their reactions to acid."  Remus decides, grinning when Deceit glares.

"Do keep distracting me Remus."  He said.  "It's not like I'm coming up with the perfect plan to get Virgil back or anything unimportant like that."

"Oh?"  Remus prompts.  "Does it involve rope?" He asks, conquering a rope in his hands.

“No!”  Deceit snaps, too frustrated to remember to lie.  He gets like that when he’s frustrated, or excited, or startled.  It never lasts long.  “Thomas is not obsessed with being honest, yes?”

“No?”  Remus frowns like he’s not used to the way Deceit talks.  He does, but Deceit likes to think he’s confusing people and Remus is more than happy to play along.  Especially now.

“Exactly!”  Deceit says.  Idoly, barely away he’s doing it, Remus starts to tie and untie the rope.  “Well, how do you think he’ll feel when he hears that Virgil’s been lying to him from the start?  He’ll hate it, they all will.  And Virgil will remember how horrible they are and finally come back.”  For just a moment, Remus freezes in his motions.  Deceit’s too excited to notice.

“So you’re going to pop up and reveal him?”  Remus asks, humming to himself.  “That doesn’t seem very grand of you.  I thought you were better than that De.”  He tsked.

“Well I hadn’t tried dropping rather obvious hints to get them to ask.  That would work!  They aren’t all oblivious idiots that ignore my every hint.”  Deceit hisses.

“Don’t look at me like that.  I’m not Thomas’ intelligence.”  Remus claims, raising his hands in a surrender position only to realize he’s gotten them quite tangled in all his fidgeting.  With a glare, Deceit waves his hand and the ropes become a snake which easily untangles itself.  “Oh kinky.”  Remus says.  “Snakes would make for a very interesting BDSM night, you know.”

“Oh I most certainly do what to know.  I just love talking to you sometimes.”  Deceit huffs and then cringes as he thinks of it anyway.  “Obviously I won’t be dramatic as ever when I don’t reveal Virgil because at this point my only option is not to just tell them.  They’ll most definitely believe me, but that matters because Virgil will stay incredibly calm.”  He says, getting back to the matter at snake-tied hand. 

“As long as you’re dramatic.”  Remus says.  “Do let me know if you need any ideas.”  He grins.

“Never.”  Deceit grins back.  With a wave, Remus leaves for his room.

With the door shut firmly and safely behind him, Remus let the frown take over his face.  What would Thomas do when Deceit revealed Virgil?  What would the other sides do?  Even Virgil’s reaction is a worry.  Remus can think of several outcomes, none of them good.  Not for Thomas and not for them either.

“I can’t let that happen.”  Remus decides.  Virgil’s gotten out, he’s broken the pattern.  There is no changing Remus, Wrath will never want to change, and Deceit’s too dependant on Wrath to try.  But Virgil got out.  Deceit can’t ruin that.  Sure, Virgil left them behind but so did everyone else Remus can’t fault him for it.  

So Remus decides to get creative, and he decides to do something.

Subtly isn’t exactly his birthday suit, but Remus thinks he did a pretty good job.  It wasn’t particularly fun - acting full on ‘bad guy’, bending the truth like that - but it worked.  Better than Remus expected actually.  Thomas had actually, truly seen him.  And sure he wasn’t about to listen to Remus, but that’s fine.  He’s used to that.  It’s enough that Thomas saw him, enough that the others don’t fear him anymore.  Maybe he should send Logan a fruit basket.  Oh a book basket!  Of books he can eat!  Candy books!  Books on candy?  Replacement teeth?

Ah, but that wasn’t the point.  The point was that it worked!  Virgil got the message.  If Remus is honest, and he usually is, he hadn’t expected Virgil to just tell Thomas himself.  His thoughts were more along the lines of an epic showdown between Virgil and Deceit where Virgil ensured De would keep his secret, and De realized that Virg was really gone forever, that things had changed.

But oh well, no epic show down.  Disappointing because Remus always loved seeing Virgil go all out, but probably for the best.  He’s not sure De could handle that.  There were certainly some almost-sides that hadn’t.

At least Virgil’s methods worked.  Sure Thomas knew, but it was on Virgil’s terms.  That had to mean something.  At the very least Virgil’s room hadn’t reappeared down the hall.

Did Remus mention he’d been seen?  And that that was incredible?  Because Remus had been seen and it was incredible.

All in all, a wonderful day, Remus hums to himself as he skips back towards the back of Thomas’ mind.

“I see your plan went perfectly.”  Deceit spits as Remus passes, glaring.  “Not that it came at the cost of mine.”  He’s clearly annoyed, but he doesn’t seem to think it was intentional.  Otherwise they’d be having an epic show down and Remus isn’t sure he could handle doing that to the only friend he has left.

“Oh it did indeed.”  Remus grins.  “Thomas finally aknowledged me.  In no time at all he’ll realized I’m the better creative half.”

“Of course he will.”  Deceit huffs but he doesn’t say anything else as Remus ducks into his room.

As the door shuts safely behind him, he turns and frowns.  Someone’s sitting on his bed, someone who really shouldn’t be back here.

“Virgil?”  The side in question looks up then quickly looks away again, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Hi.”  He greets.

“Should you be back here?  Aren’t you worried you’ll catch darkness?”  Remus wonders.

“I’m not staying.”  Virgil says.

“Well obviously.”  Remus agrees, though he’s admittedly a little relieved.  Of course it was a bit worrying to find Virgil in the back of Thomas’ mind right after he told Thomas the truth.  “Why are you back at all?”

“Well…”  Virgil hesitated a moment before sighing.  “I want to um, say, thanks.  For the warning.”  He manages.

“What warning?”  Remus grins, winking and tapping his nose rather obviously.  Virgil stares for a moment before shaking his head with a smile and a chuckle.  Like he’s fond.  That’s new.  And nice.

“There was uh, there was something else too.”  Virgil says.  “I’m… I’m sorry I thought you were some big villian like, well you know.  You’re easily the best of u-... this.”  He apologizes, stumbling a bit over his words.  But Remus gets it.  He also thinks it’s much more cutesy heart to heart than either of them can really handle.

“I wouldn’t say that.”  He claims, intent to change the topic.

“Yeah?  What would you say?”

“Giant radioactive octopus, except it’s tentacles are knives and also it’s holding knives!”  Remus announces, earning another one of those head shakes.  It’s definitely more amused than annoyed.  

“Of course you would.”  Virgil says, standing.  “Well, that’s all I had to say.  Bye Remus.”  His name, Remus thinks, that’s his name.

“Unless I see you first.  Because I’ll hide.”  Remus grins, hoping Virgil can’t tell how much all this means to him as the newly wanted side lowers down.  

Virgil’s never going back to them, Remus knows that even if Deceit doesn’t.  But maybe, just maybe, they could join him.

[d-c-it]

New side AU: Anger

But he is not a villain.

He is actually very shy.

Anger likes sunsets, which we know Thomas loves. He loves cuddling. He gets along with Remus and Gray, and has a little (enormous) crush on the pink side.

He is Deceit's little sunshine were Anxiety was his little stormy night. He's Deceit's little boy.

You couldn't say what he represented by looking at him. He wore a gray beanie, a black undershirt, an orange plaid button up with black pants.

They also watch disney movies in their living room. His personal favorite is Hercules, because one time Deceit told him he looked like a very pissed off Hades when angry and it stuck to him.

He is in charge of making sure Thomas never loses his cool. Works with Deceit by controlling the anger. He holds it close giving time to Deceit to whisper sweet lies in Thomas's ears.

'He didn't mean it.'

'I'm making this a big deal when it's not.'

'Yes, they promised, but there must be a good explanation...'

'They don't know what they're talking about and I don't care about what they think anyway.'

He's worked with Logic too, although, from afar. He's never interacted with any of the lights sides and for a very good reason.

He loves Dee, not the same way he loves Pink, tho. He sees him like a parent. A mom, really.

It's Deceit who holds him tight when he gets on one of his episodes (even tho at first he didn't), just like he used to with Virgil. Only, Anger's are worse... more dangerous.

It can't be helped. He tends to hide in his room when the burn in his stomach gets too much. Everything in his room can be replaced anyway, he thinks, as he goes on rampant and destroys everything.

That's how he used to cope with it anyway, until he hurted himself... and Virgil.

Remembers parts of it. He's never himself when he's in one of those. He recalls hearing the others running straight to their rooms to lock themselves except... Except that time when he broke a vase. He got his episode in the living room. He remembers his sobs of pain, when the shards cut his hands. Remembers hitting the floor breaking the pieces even more making them pay for the pain they caused him. Then a purple blur.

Virgil holding his wrists, putting Anger's bloody hands between them, tears running down his face while he begs him to stop. Anger is stunned but it doesn't last. Next thing he knows he's standing, Virgil is on the floor in front of him, looking scared and covering his right cheek with his hand. Deceit is suddenly there, dragging Anger towards his room, not without having to almost physically fight him. He knew Dee was yelling instructions, but he doesn't know if Virgil followed them or what they were at all.

That was by far, one of the worst he's had.

He went to find Virgil the next day, to apologize, to explain. But his door wasn't there anymore. He got another episode shortly after and Deceit was there to stop him from hurting himself again.

He asks Deceit if its his fault Virgil left. He knows the truth. He knows Deceit is devastated, that he blames himself and not Anger. Virgil should have known better than to go out of his room when the orange side was lost in his rage, he holds onto that thought like a lifeline.

'It's not your fault.' Deceit says.

It doesn't make him feel better.

Months later he watches as Deceit enters their living room, he's cuddling with pink on the couch. They're watching Who Censored Roger Rabbit? Pink just loves Jessica Rabbit and Anger couldn't say no to him.

Deceit looks weirdly content. Later on, Gray will tell him Thomas finally acknowledged Deceit as part of him. Deceit shows them his two headed snake logo. They're all happy for him. Anger is even more so, because it means Deceit can finally see Virgil again.

After what Deceit calls 'The courtroom fiasco'. He seems very upset. He tells them, in a sour tone, that Thomas wants to be more honest and be direct dealing with his issues, he will no longer deceive himself about the 'ugliness' within him, he finished, bitter. So, I don't care anymore, he wants the truth? He'll get it, no matter how ugly it is. You're free to go up there, no more hiding behind the innocent light sides to do our job. That includes you, Remus, go and push Patton off that cloud he's floating into, show them the ugly truth.

With that he leaves, they hear the slam of his door. Anger wasn't sure but he swears he saw tears in his eyes. Pink starts jumping excitedly next to him, but he holds him tighter and shooks his head when the other looks at him. They both look at Gray, who curls into an even more tiny ball and then, the three look at Remus, who is smiling creepier than ever.

'I guess it's time I pay a visit to my bother!'

'... You mean brother?' corrected gray in a tiny voice.

'Nope'

Months pass and Thomas has learned to deal with his intrusive thoughts, has even acknowledged Gray, who presented himself as Depression.

The only ones left are him and Pink. He knows the pink side wants to show himself, play a little bit with Thomas's mind and mess up with him for making Dee cry (aparently he was right, not that they've seen it happen again.) They still treat Deceit as the villain, treating the others like Deceit's manipulated victims.

It's getting very annoying.

The day Dee enters the living full on sobbing and runs straight to his room is the last straw. Pink gasps as his eyes turn bright orange and unwraps his arms from him, slowly leaving and locking himself in his room. It's for the best.

They want a villain? Anger will get them their villain.

The next time Thomas is upset, a bad comment on his work, a friend who broke a promise, Logan insisting on his schedule, Patton scolding him for ordering food again when he could have cooked, Virgil acting up for all the stress piling up. That's when anger strikes.

He waits for the episode, embraces it as it comes. When Deceit comes to help him he makes sure to hit him in the human side of his face, were the bruise will show. He feels bad, hates himself for it, but this is for Dee. He runs out of his room out of the mindscape, Deceit tries to stop him but it's to late.

He lets go of the anger he once was sure to never let free.

Thomas finds himself hanging on his friend and throwing the phone against the wall, stepping on it viciously. Then he starts kicking chairs and hitting walls, when that doesn't calm him. Yelling on his pillows and then punching said object in fury.

The four light sides are watching him, unsure of what to do. Patton looks horrified, even Logan looks lost. Virgil hugs himself and Roman has his sword on the ready in case Thomas decides to take it out on them. It's until Deceit shows up and starts talking that Thomas seems to get his thoughts straight. He looks at his hands and around, surprised at the mess he's made. Deceit keeps talking and doesn't stop until Thomas starts crying, the lights instantly going to him and making a hugging pile.

It's only when Thomas thanks Deceit that they all look at him. He is looking around nervously and they spot the big bruise around his human eye.

'Oh my god, Dee what happened!?' exclaimes Patton, running toward him but stopping dead on when a figure appears behind the yellow side. Deceit flinches, Anger would be lying if he say it didn't hurt more than a little, but works for him.

'How sad, the fun ended too soon.'

All the sides step in from of Thomas, Patton makes an attempt to reach for Deceit and pull him towards him. Get him away from Anger, but the orange side wraps his arms around Dee, his chin on the yellow side's shoulder. He mockingly kiss his purple eye.

'Here I was hoping you punched some mirrors.' he says, smirking.

'That's quite enough.' says Deceit, shoulders tense. Grabbing his arms and putting them off his waist. 'This is not like you, A. Go back to the mindscape, now.' he insists.

'Mmm, nah.' he answers and pushes Deceit towards the moral side, who immediately catches him. 'I'm done listening to you, I'm done holding back for "Thomas's sake", I'm done dealing with his anger and hurting myself in the process. I'll let him hurt, instead.'

'Who are you?' says Thomas, from his position behind the others.

'He smirks, isn't it obvious, Thomas? I'm your Anger, I'm rage. But you can call me Lucius.' he bows.

Deceit gasps at him for revealing his name to the others. The yellow side attempts to touch him but Patton holds him back. Anger smirks and the others step back.

'Well, as fun as it was to watch you go nuts… It seems I got nothing more to work with here.' he puts his hands in his pockets and smiles sweetly at Dee, who looks a bit hopeful. 'I'll see you at home Dee, the bruise suits you, maybe I'll give you another one to match.' and with that he sinks down.

The last thing he sees is the horrified expressions of the others, mostly Virgils. And Patton hugging Deceit tightly, telling him there's no way they're letting him go back there. But Dee isn't paying attention to him. He's looking at Anger but the orange side cannot look at him in the eye.

A few days pass and Deceit doesn't show up.

Until he does.

He comes in barging through the door, gasping for air as if he had to run a marathon to actually reach their part of the mindscape.

Depression, to everyone's surprise, bolts from his position in the couch and hugs Deceit's waist. He starts crying of course and Dee just hugs him back and shush him a little. The next one to move is Pink, who clings to his right arm, not crying but Anger can tell he is trying hard not to. Remus appears next hugging the snake from behind. Anger walks towards them slowly, wary of Deceit. But he can't hold back anymore when the deceitful side reaches for him with his left arm.

'I'm so sorry, Dee.' he sobs on his neck. 'It was the only way.' Dee shooks his head, murmuring that it wasn't.

'They're treating me like some sort of abuse victim now.' he says, rolling his eyes. 'No matter what I say, they think I'm lying… Actually is worse, they think I believe what I say and then Logan comes up with a really long explanation of why my behavior is completely normal… Good God I was about to flip.' he complains, but Anger can sense the laughter in his voice.

'How is that spider doing?' asks Pink and Deceit smiles.

'He is doing great.' he says and Pink sniffs.

'Good.'

Later that day they listen as the light sides try to knock their door down. Anger decides it's best to sink down to his room. Smiles to a sad looking Deceit.

'You know I was never interested in hanging out with them, anyway.' he shrugs. 'Just don't turn light and leave us.' he warns, and Deceit snorts, as if.

He leaves just as the others come in. Probably to "save" Deceit.

'We're watching Maleficent, wanna join?' asks Pink, and is the last thing he hears.