#{Having a panic attack is normal but like..use your words woman!

[fxiled-fxithful]

{With my muse being emotionally conflicted and upsetti, I think I'm just going to focus on threads that don't involve my main verse.

[celestiamour]

Can you please write an imagine for kang dae-ho where he’s having the panic attack and the reader tires to calm him down/ comfort him?

ft. kang dae-ho x f! reader — squid game

╰₊✧ calming him down during his panic attack┊0.6k words

setting: season 2, episode 7 contains: descriptions of panic attacks, mentions of toxic masculinity, could be romantic or platonic but intended to be romantic 

➤ author's note: this baby :(

he looked a complete wreck with the blood of another smeared on his right cheek, shaky hands trying to gather up all the magazines from the pockets of the guards and stuttering up a storm every time someone tried to talk to him, not saying anything other than “magazines in pockets, help me gather the magazines in their pockets. you and a few others rushed to help him gather them up in a jacket used as a makeshift bag before he rushed out the double doors with nothing more than a few nods as a form of thanks.

then dae-ho suddenly rushed back, running into one of the empty far corners and huddling up as if to protect himself from the danger he just escaped from. people began to murmur asking what was up with him like the red on his skin wasn’t as clear as day, the very same able-bodied men who voted to stay in these death games for their own selfish needs yet were too cowardly to volunteer for the benefit of all the remaining players. it pissed you off to no extent how most of these men could sit on their asses away from the battle and talk like he was weak. you wished you had joined him and the rest in the rebellion, but they told you it was no place for a woman without military experience. 

you approached him nervously like one would with an injured wild animal, watching as he rocked his body back and forth covering his hands. “... hey… are you alright?” you mentally punched yourself for the stupid question. trying not to make any sudden movements, you climbed onto the bed when he finally noticed you.

there were tears all along his waterline starting to drip down his face, eyes wide and completely glossed over. he started apologizing profusely even though you weren’t the person it was supposed to be directed to, lips trembling and voice strained to a higher pitch than normal. it’s a jarring contrast in comparison to his usual attitude and it broke your heart.

“do you… want a hug?” you really weren’t sure how to comfort him, hugs usually worked for children who cried over scraped knees, but you didn’t know what to do with a man suffering from a panic attack due to shellshock.

thankfully though, it was exactly what he needed. he basically threw himself on you, freely sobbing with his head rested in your lap and arms wrapped around your waist. he cried that he was a failure whose time in the military amounted to nothing, a mere boy his father would be ashamed of, and a coward who couldn’t help his friends when they needed him most. his words were barely understandable between choked-up sobs, but it was clear he was letting out thoughts that were buried under years of being unable to express himself emotionally 

you were a little hesitant to stop his rambling, but eventually shushed him by gently placing a hand on his head and soothingly running your fingers through his hair, promising he wasn’t any of those things and very brave to have agreed to go in the first place. you spoke softly and held onto him, bringing his head to your chest so that he could listen to your steady heartbeat to help ground him and wipe away some of his tears while telling him that you were there for him without any intentions of leaving soon. 

your words uplifted his heart, but truth be told, your mere presence was enough. he could feel the eyes of others nosily watching, but they didn’t matter at the moment and seemed to melt away into nothingness. all his focus was just on you, and soon, he became quiet, feeling calm and renewed with a sudden determination to finish his mission setting fire to his soul.

[yukioos]

MIS

SUMMARY: jayce talis x reader // your mother takes the brunt of the attack from jinx, causing your mother to pass from the wounds. her death leaves you grieving. once all your pain builds up and the pressure becomes too much to handle, you find yourself face-to-face with a panic attack. your boyfriend, jayce, stays with you throughout all your troubles and comforts you when you need him the most.

AUTHORS NOTE: hi! i hope you guys enjoy this oneshot, i felt in the mood to write some angst and comfort :) thanks for the request, sorry if you wanted me to write something more happy and fluffy. i haven’t had a panic attack so i don’t fully know what it’s like to have one, but i tried my best! this is 2.4k words

WARNINGS: not proofread, panic attack, death, grief, guilt, cussing, pet names

ASK: gurll i love this, for the next one can u please make it the other way around (jayce comforting reader) 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 i need jayce huggie toooo!!

the sky was dark, and the moon was an unusually deep shade of red. the bland sky didn’t stand out to you, opposite to how it would be filled with stars any other day. hot air filled your room, causing you to tug and pull at your tightly fitted clothes. you threw old clothes onto the ground, planning to give them to the undercity, where they lacked what you perceived as normal. you giggled at the thought of your younger sister, caitlyn, who thought she was sneaky bringing in a woman from zaun into her room, claiming she was only hurt.

your mother didn’t know about this, however. she didn’t have enough time in her schedule to know about caitlyn’s relationships, only you and jayce’s, as word spread quickly. you were pleased to know that she accepted the relationship once she sat the two of you down and asked about jayce’s intentions with you. she just wanted you to have a good partner, someone who could live up to the kiramman expectations and life. knowing jayce ever since he was young, she immediately knew you were a perfect match.

when you were young, she wasn’t as busy being a councilor as she is now. you used to tell caitlyn about how mom used to be fun, and she would always laugh at the stories in disbelief. sometimes, she would flat-out tell you you were lying, like when your mom had enough time to teach you how to shoot targets. as she became older, her time with you became shorter and shorter, and caitlyn hardly knew her mother.

but even as you were scavenging through your dresser and walk-in closet, a sinking feeling weighed you down. something was off, something felt wrong, unusual. you rubbed your eyes, hoping you were just imagining when you saw a bright blue light shine through the sky like a shooting star. the sound of it flying through the air reminded you of fireworks before they explode. you tilted your head in curiosity. you had never seen a shooting star before—

suddenly, a loud sound erupted in your ears, causing you to duck and cover your head. you panted, whimpering as you had no idea what had just happened. you slowly raised your head from the ground, glancing around your room to see if any damage had been done. when you stood back on your feet, you glanced outside the window to see a huge hole in the administrative building where meetings were held.

fuck, that’s where jayce and mom were.

your eyes widened in terror as you immediately pushed your double doors open and down a flight of stairs. alarms began to alert the city of piltover, and screams and crying from citizens made your blood run cold. your legs ached from running, panting as your lungs burned with pain, unable to catch a breath. once you ran to the top floor of the administrative building, you slammed open the partially broken doors.

heart racing, you paused in your tracks once jayce carried viktor in his arms, with tears filling his eyes. your heart raced, and your throat tightened, you managed to ask, “where is my mother? mom? mom—“ as you walked around, searching for bodies covered in rubble, dark blue hair and short pink hair caught your eye.

you were about to walk over to them, but you staggered as smoke filled your throat, causing you to cough. before you could pause, a large, warm, and familiar hand laid on your shoulder. there, your boyfriend stood with ash on his face, and an almost dead man in his arms, his best friend. he cupped your face with one hand and stared at you, “hey— hey, we’re both alright, that’s— that’s good—”he tried to lighten the mood by chuckling. he then continued, even as his fake smile didn’t reach his eyes, “i need to help viktor—“

you interrupted, “jay, it’s okay, go, i think i see my mother—” you gazed into his glossy eyes, his lip trembled with fear.

you placed your shaky hand on his cheek and gave him a quick kiss. as you gently patted his cheek, he mumbled, “promise you’ll stay safe for me.” while looking into your equally terrified eyes.

you responded, “i will.” and with that, he ran to the science lab to supposedly heal viktor. you then ran over to the dark blue hair, assuming it was your sister. she turned around and hugged you without uttering a word. you gripped her back just as tightly, and the pink-haired zaunite stared at your mother with sorrow. her face was covered in ashes, and bricks left bruises and blood-stained clothes. you pressed your finger up to the side of her neck. once you felt nothing, you checked her wrist.

she didn’t have a pulse.

your breathing sped up, but your world slowed down as if it paused. your body felt numb, and your hearing drained from your ears. a hand squeezed your shoulder, the hand of your sister, trying to shake you back into reality. shutting your eyes for a moment, you tried to imagine anything but her lifeless body in front of you. the woman who lived her life saving and protecting others, the one who watched you grow up, the one who carried you for nine months, was now dead.

it seemed unreal to think about.

but you opened your eyes and imagined it was someone else in front of you, someone with less of an impact on your life. you slowly stood up and stared at your mother’s closed eyes and scarred face. you then turned your back on her and brought your eyes up to the two women in front of you. you mumbled, “we need a medic.”

the next few months after your mother’s death were a living hell. although it was sweet to see children placing flowers near your mother’s grave, honoring her dedication to the city, you hadn’t been in a healthy mental state. normally, things came easy to you. however, for the past few months, all you had heard from others were condolences for the death of your mother. you tried to act as if you weren’t bothered by it at all, and to continue your everyday life. that’s what your mom would’ve wanted you to do, anyway.

but as you were walking to your residence with jayce after spending time with one another at a restaurant, a news reporter came up to you. the man attracted many other reporters to huddle up in front of you, almost barricading you into the wall. you shuttered at the lack of space, and reporters yelled and stuck microphones and cameras into your face.

one asked, “miss kiramman, do you have any plans on becoming the leader of the kiramman house anytime soon?” as if it wasn’t a sensitive question, relating to your mom’s passing.

you frowned as another question followed, “how has your mother’s death affected you?”

“will you join the council to replace your mother’s spot?”

tears began to spring in your eyes as you backed up, becoming closer and closer to the wall. yet, the reporters wouldn’t stop asking questions and entrapped you, all around you, unable to move. suddenly your boyfriend loudly announced, “that is enough. go along with your day and leave.” his eyebrows were furrowed with concentration and he balled his fists up.

one of the reporters interjected, “mr. talis, all we want is to ask miss kiramman a couple questions—“

he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, then glared at the man. he suddenly understood and nodded, appearing embarrassed. they all followed after the man, who ran away once he saw councilor medarda, who wandered around the streets with her companion, lest.

jayce gently rubbed your shoulder with his large hand and mumbled, “sorry you had to see that. are you okay?” he knew you didn’t like talking about her death often, as it was recent and it’s all anyone would bother you about. however, when he saw your glossy eyes and your hands wiping them, he knew something was wrong. you hadn’t normally acted like this around him, nevertheless anyone.

you slightly nodded, just enough for jayce to see. you lowered your head, not wanting to be noticed by anyone else as jayce held the door open for you. a lock clicked behind you, and you traveled up the flight of stairs to your room. your heart pounded as you were reminded of the night when you saw your mother’s lifeless body on the ground, feeling like your heart was going to jump out of your chest. too much heat was in the room, maybe you had to open the window. you quickly sprinted over to the window and opened it, still feeling so hot all over your body.

god, everything was too much. you whimpered as you felt liquid dripping down your cheeks, and your throat began to tighten up as if barbed wires wrapped themselves around your neck. you wiped your forehead with your sleeve, only to feel the warmth on the cloth from sweat. ringing filled your ears, causing you to ball your fists up as you sat on the ground, starting to hit your head to stop the ringing. unfortunately, you couldn’t stop the noise in your head.

you couldn’t hear anything, and your body became numb. as your throat continued to tighten, you rubbed your throat in pain, wanting to tell your mom that you were sorry. why the hell weren’t you there when she was dying? you could’ve prevented her death, couldn’t you? maybe you could’ve blocked her body with yours from the hit, then you would’ve taken most of the damage. it would’ve been better that way. she was more influential, more powerful, and more important than you. what would’ve happened if you were there to save her? would you be at dinner right now? would you be hugging her? telling her a stupid joke she always laughed at? would you be dead?

it pained you that there was no way to know what could’ve happened.

jayce heard sobs as he washed his hands in the bathroom, screams, even. his heart raced and he dried his hands, then he ran out of your large bathroom to see your head in your hands, hitting it with your fists as hard as you could. you were sobbing, “i’m sorry, mom, i’m sorry,” repeatedly, over and over on a loop. your body shook like you were the most delicate thing in the world, like you were about to break any second. your arms dripped with sweat, and you seemed to be dissociative, as you didn’t respond to his calls of your name.

he then realized they were common signs of a panic attack. must’ve been from all the reporters bugging you with their never-ending questions and from the passing of someone so important in your life. he didn’t know how to handle a situation like this, but he knew you needed someone to help you and ground you. he gently placed a hand on the crown of your head and rubbed it gently, as if you were a child. you slowly looked up at him, eyes and face all red from crying. you sniffled, mind still racing, as you tried to focus on the words that came out of his mouth, not recognizing the ones that came out of yours.

you were full-on sobbing, dry tears laid helplessly on your skin, waiting to be rehydrated with new ones. you closed your eyes and cradled yourself, still crying out, ‘i’m sorry,’ so jayce slowly wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you close, not knowing if he was doing the right thing. he asked, as he gave a kiss to your shoulder, “why are you sorry, sweetheart?” you unconsciously leaned into his warm frame, although you felt far too hot for your liking.

your wailing became quieter as you continued talking, listing all the reasons why you should’ve been the one who took the hit, you should’ve been better to her, you should’ve spent more time with her, and you should’ve been there before she died. he continued to ask you questions so you could open up about your feelings until your throat hurt from sobbing and talking for so long.

you leaned your head against him for a few minutes in silence, not wanting to say anything more. he rubbed your shoulder and turned, staring into your red eyes. you whimpered and wiped your eyes, staring up at him with a pout on your face. he softly smiled, then gently placed a hand on your wet cheek. he placed his lips against yours, the most intimate kiss you’ve shared. once the two of you pulled away, he helped you stand up, expecting to carry you to bed.

but to his surprise, you hugged him, causing him to stumble back with the amount of force you used. you mumbled into his chest, “i love you so much, jayce.” your voice was strained, using the rest of your words and power to thank him for his help and love.

he wrapped his strong arms around you and petted your hair, “i love you too.” he couldn’t have felt more affectionate or loving than now, and you felt the same. after a few minutes of staying in the hug, he slowly undressed you and changed you into more comfortable clothes. he carried you to your bed, then changed into his clothes that he kept in your drawers for when he stayed the night. he just changed into a pair of sweatpants, taking his shirt and everything else off.

turning the lights off, he walked over to you and pulled the sheets down, causing you to quickly huddle up to him and trap his leg with yours. you wrapped your arm around his waist, wanting to feel as close as you possibly could to him. as jayce’s breath began to even out, you knew he was the only one who could calm you down, bring you out of that headspace. he was nervous, he’d never comforted someone like that before, but his dedication and patience showed you he was the one for you.

[mrsparrasblog]

I can treat you better than he can

Summary: You were hopeless in love with your Captain who pushed you away denying his own feelings for you, maybe this time he pushed you in the wrong hands.

Pairing: Keegan x Reader ( Callsign Sunshine)

Words: 2500 I think

A/N: This is a small chapter of my fic Nightmares become true solider(my first fic and the love of my life but its to long for Tumblr so I post stand alone chapters) The fic is written in an I perspective

TW: canon typical violence and swearing, sex, oral sex, fingering, spanking, cumplay, reader is a pervert, Keegan too, Price is an idiot, Reader is unhinged

Defeated, I walked over to the boys, leaving John alone by the bar. Well, he sure will join us later; why shouldn't he? "John doesn't want to join."

"Better for us, old man is always winning," Ghost said. Even in the bar, he wore a mask—not his hardshell mask he wore on missions, but a skull-faced balaclava—making him look like he was about to rob the place.

Confidently, I tried to challenge Ghost, saying that I could surely win a second time. "Maybe Kyle and I will win against you and Soap."

"Not possible."

We played some rounds of pool in which every single round Ghost and Soap won, surprising not only because of Ghost's skills. Soap was the best pool player I had ever seen; he was super focused, and every shot was a hit. After a while of sore losses, we decided to sit down in a booth. The bar was crowded with lots of soldiers and girls who wanted to find themselves a military guy. To be honest, I couldn't judge them. Military men were toxic but so damn attractive.

Even through the crowded space, we could see the Ghost Team sitting in a booth, still with their masks on, and drinking. They didn't seem disappointed in their loss. I saw a lot of similarities between them and us; anyone could easily see that they were more than just a unit—a family like us. Well, maybe like the four boys and me as a distant cousin taking up all the space at a family gathering.

"You sure don't want to drink, lass? Celebrate our win; we are officially the best team on base again."

"I don't want to drink today; we have training tomorrow, and I don't want to throw up on the mat."

"You sound like a mom," Kyle complained, and Ghost almost gagged when he heard this.

"Aye, look, Captain is flirting with a bonnie." As I heard this, I turned around, capturing the scene in front of me. John was sitting at the bar with a woman—worse, a pretty woman who looked like the complete opposite of me—and not just in a different hair type way—in a different figure, appearance, style, hair color, height way—everything about her was different. She looked so stunning; the boys, well, more like Kyle, repeated over and over again how gorgeous that woman was and how the captain normally doesn't pick up girls at the bar—but probably made an exception for her because that woman was stunning. 

If I hadn't been so jealous, I probably would have had a panic attack right now. I observed the pair—how she touched his chest, giggling and whispering into his ears—and he looked happier than just happy, delighted, lucky, elated, cheerful, joyful, content, and ecstatic—and every word in this universe to describe his smile. He didn't look repulsed or anything at all. Right now, I feel incredibly stupid. For a blink of a second, I thought that maybe he would like me too. He held me, he comforted me, and God, we almost kissed—but maybe it was just my delusion feeding me with unrealistic dreams for the sake of my hopeless romantic heart. I definitely made him uncomfortable; he was surely disgusted and repulsed by me for how I behaved and how I looked because in no way in heaven did I look like her.

"Captain is a lucky bastard."

"Quiet, Kyle."

I didn't listen to the banter of the boys; the only thing worth my concentration was John and how he laughed with this beautiful woman, and how I desperately wished it was me instead of her.  But life wasn't fair, and I was so freaking dumb for believing I had a chance. She sat down on John's lap. Would it be crazy to threaten her to leave him alone? She surely wasn't military-trained, and with her perfectly manicured nails, she would have trouble fighting me, but was it really her fault? She did nothing wrong, and I still wanted to gut that bitch out. Pardon me, I mean woman. As their lips touched each other after moments of anticipation, I almost lost it, but in fact, it strengthened my self-awareness, and finally, I knew all I thought happened between John and me was pure imagination. 

I took Ghost's Terrible Bourbon out of his hand and chugged it down as if it were orange juice. Kyle and Soap looked at me as if I had just murdered their grandma, but Ghost had a knowing expression. How did that little shit notice my utterly cringe and embarrassing hopeless crush on the Captain?

"That Bourbon was expensive, Sergeant."

"I'll pay you back," I claimed—I won't—and he knew.

He almost whispered an act of kindness to him to not address it in front of Kyle and Soap, who wouldn't let me hear the end of this. "It will pass."

"What?"

"The feeling."

As I saw John and the pain of my existence making out like teenagers, I had finally enough. John had his fun, fine; I can also have much fun and forget that wixxer. Without responding to Ghost or entertaining Soap and Kyle's curious expressions and Kyle's question if I got my period, I left the table, walking straight to the table with the American mask boys. I will definitely regret this tomorrow, but tonight I don't care.

"Keegan, right? Come with me."

"Doll, do you really want to be a sore winner and rub your win under my nose?"

"I thought more of a consolation prize or how you say these things in English."

"Are you not a native English speaker?"

"And there I thought my accent was a dead giveaway."

"You're annoying, kid; did someone ever tell you this?"

"Ghost constantly."

"He is a dick."

"I'd second that."

"So tell me the real reason you're requesting my presence. Don't get me wrong, Doll. I won't mind, but I want to know why I have this luck."

"Nothing, just a girl in a bar speaking with a man in a bar."

"And there I thought, after you jumped into Price's arms today, you would be his partner."

"No."

"Liar."

"Did no one teach you how to flirt, Keegan?" I scoffed.

"Doll, I know how to sweep you off your tiny feet but tell me first, am I a rebounder?"

"Yes."

"Well, we can work with that," he grinned as he flicked his cigarette away, now completely focusing on me. "It must hurt seeing him like that at the bar."

"Like hell."

"Merrick was right. Price is an idiot and a goddamn fool. He's got a dime piece right here, and he's chasing after...that!?" He gestured over to that incredible woman.

"I wouldn't describe myself as a dime piece, Keegan."

Keegan leaned closer to me. His voice is now soft and low instead of his usual hoarse voice. "I would absolutely beg to differ. You're a goddess, and he's a complete moron if he doesn't realize that. Why do you even like this guy?"

I rolled my eyes at his hyperbel. "Well, isn't it obvious? He is tall, strong, and masculinely good-looking, but that is only his appearance. He is smart and funny; I would without a doubt rely my life on him." I noticed John's glance at me. Why? It's not like Keegan was the real enemy. 

"I'd just like to point out that so am I, and I've got something he doesn't." Keegan laughed, and his laugh was magnetic.  I would lie if I said he wasn't attractive, so would this be so wrong?

I'm single and young, so fuck off, John. "Tell me what you have and what he doesn't."

His expression turns to one of pure confidence and pride. "I've got class, doll. This 'captain' of yours is off there in this nasty bar, out with a random chick, eating her face at the bar for all to see. And I'm here, paying attention to you—only to you."

"Oh, so you're a high and mighty soldier with class and only pure intentions towards me?" I chuckled as I realized I was really bad at flirting, mostly because I only relied on my good looks. And here I am constantly insulting men I am interested in.

"Only the purest intentions towards you, and I got something else that he doesn't, doll."

"If you say big dick, I'm going to cringe."

He laughed, not even insulted by my comment. "As much as I'd love to, no. No, that wasn't what I was going to say. But I'm glad that's where your mind goes first."

"Well, then we are on the same page. But I think that's the problem with me. I think like a whore, and of course, he wouldn't like me. I'm just the type for fun, you know."

"Who told you that bullshit?"

"My ex."

"Bastard, come on, doll, let me show you a great time. Forget about that stupid captain of yours."

"Maybe I should."

He lowers his voice even further while his eyes meet mine, not afraid of eye contact. "I think he's intimidated by you. I mean, look at you. Smart, beautiful, and strong—you kicked all our arses today like we were toys, and Price knows that; he has no shot with you, and instead of taking a chance, he's hiding behind another girl."

His big hands started to caress my hair, tightly gripping it in an act of dominance. He wasn't afraid of showing me that he wanted me.

"Well, that other girl is hot."

"She might be hot, but she's also clearly not you. She's just someone he can control—someone who will do whatever he wants. Just a mere civilian girl with a boring life—but you're a different story. I already know how strong you can be and how much you like to do things your own way. And that's part of what makes you so irresistible—you're more than just a pretty face; you're a great soldier too."

Fuck it. I pulled him to my height, removing his mask enough so his full lips were finally free. He had a sharp jawline and stubbles that almost tickled against my skin as I finally planted my lips on his, desperate to kiss him and feel desired. He wasn't expecting my sudden kiss and his breath hitched for a moment, his hands tightening in my hair, keeping me so close. I could feel his lips curving into a slight smile, his eyes fluttering shut as his body froze, a low masculine groan escaping his mouth as he pressed his rock-hard body against mine. His hands started to roam over my body until they found my ass, squeezing it firmly and pulling me up in his arms to close even more distance.

John's POV

"Soldiers always had a different kind of appeal to me." If she tells me one more time how she fetishizes soldiers and how she always dreamt of marrying one and being a stay-at-home mom while her husband would be on dangerous deployments, I'd gladly off myself. It wasn't wrong to want to be a stay-at-home mom; John's mom was one too, and she did way more than his old man gave her credit for, but he always hated women who only cared about his status in the military and the benefits it came with. Well, at least she was pretty.

"Do you even listen, Johnny?" Johnny, really?

"Yes, of course, sweetheart." She always blushed when he called her sweetheart, and he felt incredibly terrible for only calling her that because he couldn't, for the love of God, remember her correct name: Sarah, or Sandra; certainly not Sunshine. John thought he could erase Sunshine completely from his brain by making out with that woman. He was wrong— it only made him long for her even more. For heaven's sake. He could lie to himself and say it was that woman's fault, but she was pretty and even a bit smart—she just wasn't Sunshine, and that frustrated him. He didn't even get a physical reaction out of that woman— even his dick betrayed him.

"Oh, God, John, that woman is completely embarrassing," she gestured at something, and when John turned around, he could see it. It was his woman in the arms of that tosser, exactly like he held her today, only that they were making out. Disgusting—deep inside, he knew he couldn't judge her. He was making out with a random woman in the bar just so he could forget her, but still, his stomach built a knot that twisted him like the time he got stabbed near his kidney in Afghanistan.  He would never admit that he was jealous—jealousy was something for weak people. He never felt this way before, and he won't start now. 

It clearly only bothered him because he was one of Merrick's fellow guys; he'd probably only flirted with her because of the rivalry. And as the good captain he was, he needed to stop that, right? So his woman—uhm, his sergeant—wouldn't get hurt and be unconcentrated in missions. 

Sunshine was now sitting on Keegan's lap as he whispered things in her ear that made her sweet cheeks rise with a beautiful color. John couldn't stand this sight anymore; his knuckles turned white from the tight fist he made. He didn't even listen to the woman whom he tried to lay tonight, and as Keegan walked towards the loo, he saw his chance to act like the proper captain he was, and he went after him.

"You deserve better than me, sweetheart, someone who is emotionally available." He didn't let her form her words in protest; he only put $50 down on the table and left in the direction of the loo. He entered the room, closing the door behind him. He was used to being intimidating, and he sure as hell would intimidate that little Sergeant of Merrick. He leaned against the door frame, not saying a word at first, waiting till he noticed him. Right now, he felt strong; it had something powerfull seeing his enemy with his dick out pissing—John was fully clothed, stoic, and strong while Keegan was exposed and vulnerable. John tried to hide his smirk as he saw how he was thicker than him down there—way more for his Sun to enjoy—concentrate on the task, John.

"Sergeant Russ," he said with his hoarse voice.

"Price, what do you want?" he practically spat out.

"Touch her again, and I'll make sure that you won't be able to touch anything else." He saw the look of fear in Keegan's eyes. Of course, he was a strong soldier, but Keegan wasn't a fool and knew that Price was a real threat. 

But then he tested John's patience by saying something foolish like "jealous that you won't be the one to make her scream in pleasure tonight." John saw red, his fists held close to his body, his knuckles turning white. He wanted to beat that shit out of that bastard, but being violent isn't what makes the other scared; it's his calmness and the fact that if he loses it, it's over. 

"Care to repeat that, Russ?"

"I'm going to touch her the whole night, and you guided her into my arms like an idiot." He didn't understand what he meant by him being at fault for Sun's interest in Russ, but never in his life dared someone to call him an idiot.

"I'll give you one last chance, leave her alone."

"Or what, you kill me?" he scoffed and laughed.

"Maybe I will," he said with a low growl that signaled Keegan that he wasn't joking. 

Both fell into silence as Soap and Ghost stumbled out of one of the cabins. They clearly fucked again; he would have said something about not sleeping around in the military, but he wasn't such a hypocrite. 

Soap interfered in the situation, "Aye, calm down, Captain; he isn't worth the stain." Why did they both need to interfere? He couldn't threaten Russ properly without giving the suggestion that he was more than just a caring captain for his Sun. 

Keegan rolled his eyes, "Whatever, I'm going to fuck your little sunshine now." Before John could react, Keegan already had a fist in his face. 

Surprisingly, not from John himself but from Ghost, the reserved man who seemed to hate Sunshine with all his heart. Was he perhaps interested in his Sun? No, never. Ghost was head over heels for Soap, even if he would never admit that. But why the sudden act? Keegan left the loo with a bloody lip.

"You fucked up, John."

"I know, Simon."

Soap and Ghost left the bathroom shortly after, and John could hear the arguing, something about Soap being jealous and thinking Ghost wanted Sunshine, and Ghost replying that Soap was fucking delusional and should know his place. If he hadn't been entrenched in his own hell of drama, he would have talked to Simon. Fucking hell that evening was fucked up. 

As he left the bathroom, going to the booth of his boys, he noticed how Soap and Ghost were silent, Soap's glance almost burning in rage. Sunshine was dancing with Keegan while he groped her precious ass. John sat miserably with his own scotch, but at least Gaz was happy drinking his beer and ranting about something.

After a while, he saw Keegan pull Sun over his shoulder, and they went straight out of the bar, with her being a tipsy and giggling mess. "What a show-off," he scoffed.

"How funny that Sunny is the only one getting action tonight," Kyle looked confused as every man at the table shot him a death glare. For heaven's sake, that evening was cursed, and in all vulnerability, John hoped that this was just a one-night thing for her.

Sunshine's POV

He threw me over his shoulder and carried me out of the bar. As we walked towards his room in the base, I could already feel my arousal approaching. It took forever since we stopped always to make out.

You could say a lot about him; he is arrogant, narcissistic, and a bit crazy, but he's a damn good kisser. We reached his barrack, it was as simple as hers just that his wasn't a single. She hoped desperately that his roommate didn't bulge in. 

He pressed me against the door frame as their kiss deepened, Keegan's hand slipped under my shirt tracing soft circles on my back. His other hand slides gently around my hair pulling it towards him as a show of his dominance.

I couldn't hold back and moaned into his kiss. "Fuck it." I ripped his shirt off him ogling over his muscular frame. He was toned his pecks were perfectly sculpted, every woman would kill for that sight but I thought about John - stop it, forget John, think about Keegan.

Keegan smirked as I ripped off his shirt, his hands slowly exploring every inch of my clothed body. His touch was rough and possessive like he desperately needed me. He released a loud groan as I started to trace down his abs and prominent V line. I pulled off my shirt and bra and threw it in the corner. His eyes widened as he took in the sight of my breasts. His rough hand cupped them and his calloused fingers from his work in the military brushed across my hardened nipples. "Fuck," he breathed out his lips finding mine again in a hungry kiss. His erected dick already pressing against my stomach.

"Please Keegan, I need you." I pleaded, Keegan broke our kiss, his lips trailing down my neck and collarbone, his teeth graze my skin lightly as he nipped at my shoulder- Oh he is a biter. His hand squeezed my breasts again before he started to undo his pants. His hardened dick sprung out of his boxers, his pink tip already glistered with pre cum. He wasn't very thick but the length was impressive and he was circumcised. I licked my lips in anticipation. "Shit you're big." Keegan only chuckled darkly at my words. "I'll show you how big." He growls his hands moving to grip my hips firmly as he ripped off my thong revealing my already wet folds.

"Hey, I liked that one."

"I buy you a new one."

His finger dips into my moisture before teasing my throbbing entrance. "You're already so ready for me," he murmurs. 

"Keegan please stop teasing me."

Keegan's other hand slipped down to play with my clit. His thumb circling gently the sensitive knot. With one swift movement, he pushes his thick fingers deep inside of me. He groaned in pleasure at the tightness that surrounded him. "Fuck you feel so good- around my finger."

He pushed his fingers lazily against my G spot and started to scisor them inside, he looked determined at my face to learn which movement kept me going. I felt the knot in my stomach building up letting me almost explode. His lips trailed down my neck sucking on my nipples while he continued to abuse my clit.

"Cum on me Doll."

I came hard spasming around his thick fingers and coating them with my juices. Keegan's cock throbbed in anticipation as he watched me cum around his fingers. He pulls his hand away, relishing the sight of my wetness. "That's it, baby girl."

"Let me take care of you Keegan." I let myself fall on my knees and slowly started to stroak his dick and lick the pre cum of his swollen tip. Keegan groans deeply, as I take his cock into my mouth, his hips jerking automatically forward. He grips my hair trying to maintain his control. "Fuck Doll." 

I bobbed my head up and down while playing with his balls with one of my free hands. He pushes his cock deeper inside of me but he should know that I'm the one in control. I bite softly on his tip to make him crazy. His lips escaped moans - loud moans. His cock throbbed in anticipation leaving stains of pre cum on my tongue. "Fuck Doll, that feels good don't stop."

I began to deep throat him almost gaging because of his length, my eyes began to tear, I tried to maintain eye contact. Keegan's grip on my hair tightens his knuckles turning white. His hips jerk forward, pushing only deeper into my throat. "You're so fucking good at that, I cant last longer."  I press my plump lips together tightening the friction around his member. 

As he feels him getting close he pulls my head back away. "Not quite yet Doll," he growls his voice stained with the effort to hold back his orgasm. I started to laugh and ignored his attempts to last longer I moved my head faster. "Fuck you're going to make me cum." I moaned in agreement - my voice only sending vibrations down his dick.

Keegan grunts loudly. His entire body tensing up as he loses control and erupts deep inside my throat. His cock twitches repeatedly, sending wave after wave of hot cum down my throat, I swallow every sip of his cum and finally hold my tongue out showing him my empty mouth. Keegan stared down at me in shock, his eyes dark with lust and satisfaction. His muscular thigh trembles as he tries to hold his composure. He gently traces down my jawline. "Fuck you're mine Doll" - I was definitely not his. 

Keegan lifted me and threw me on the bed as he spread my legs wide, positioning himself between my legs - his cock already hardening again. He looks down at me with a predatory grin, then lowers himself onto my waiting sex and pushes inside me with one powerful trust making me scream in pleasure and pain at the same time. 

He begins thrusting into me, hard and fast. The bed cracks under our combined weight as he takes me roughly. His muscular arms flex with each stroke. 

"Keegan, it feels so good."

"Doll," he groans his voice hoarse with lust, "you're so fucking tight I can barely hold back." 

"Don't hold back, Keegan. Fuck me."

He grins. "You like it rough doll?" I nodded and with a swift move, he flips me over onto my stomach and pulls my ass up, with brutal precision and starts a relentless pace as he fucks me from behind.  His large hand gripped me tightly leaving marks on my body. "This is what you want isn't it?"

I start to clench around him, only getting more aroused at his words. "Oh you're so wet," he murmurs, moving one hand between my legs to stroke my neglected clit. The added sensation sends shockwaves of pleasure through my body causing me to arch my back and cry out his name.

"That's it, Doll, take it all." 

"I'm close - please, Keegan," I pleaded to him to finally release me.

"Cum for me Doll," he growls picking up the pace even more. His cock slams into me over and over again, each thrust sending a vibration through my core as he pinched my clit hard. I started to cry out of pleasure and finally came spasming around his dick - coating him with all my juices.  Keegan held me firm supporting my body weight as he let me ride out my orgasm while starting to kiss me all over my body and leaving marks everywhere. 

After my orgasm, he guided me on top of him and I started to ride him as his hands roam over my body, griping my hips tightly again. His eyes followed the movements of my breasts, his mouth watering at the sight. He pulled me forcefully tight onto his shaft brushing against my cervix so I would start to see stars, his hand now pressed against the familiar bulge inside my womb.

Keegan started to rub my overstimulated clit again as he finally chased after his release, with each thrust his hips slams powerful against me, he became slowly sloppy and uncontrolable begging me to finally release him.

I clenched tight around his dick, his eyes rolled back inside his skull. With a groan that echoes through the room, Keegan's hot seed erupts inside of me, filling me up completely. His cockhead twitches as he emptied himself inside of me- pushing his cum deeper into my hole.

"Fuck." He collapsed on top of me, our bodies still entwined, Keegan pressed his face into the crook of my neck inhaling my scent. "What the fuck was that, no women made me cum like that before."

"Well, I'm pretty skilled at these things."

"You're fucking amazing Doll." He slowly pulled his softening dick out of me watching his seeds drip down from my cunt into his mattress.

"As much as I like to see you coated in my cum, let me clean you up."

"Oh, what a gentleman."

"It's the least I can do after you gave me the best orgasm of my life." 

"Oh was it?"

"Don't lie to me it was fucking amazing for you too."

"A close third place Keegan." I grinned.

"Don't challenge me Doll." 

"Or what?"

"You will regret this."

"Why?"

"You like Price even tho I don't know why."

"And Price doesn't like me, so I can have all my fun while he has his with that other woman."

"His loss is my win."

He cuddled against me after he cleaned his seed from my thighs but as he fell asleep snoring the only thought in my brain was John. 

I'm screwed.

[forever-rogue]

Hi! If you’re taking requests then can I please ask for you to write a Joel x Reader one where Joel and Reader have been dating for a long time and are now finally happily living in Jackson (with Ellie), and it was all going fine until Joel’s PTSD is randomly triggered and he accidentally hurts Reader when she touches him as a way to check on him and offer him comfort like she normally would do during one of his panic attacks?

Like maybe they’re at a family bbq (with Tommy and his wife) or the bar or even at their own home when something — whether it be a certain sound, smell, word, etc. — triggers him to the point where he is totally out of it and gets startled when Reader touches him, causing him to slightly hurt her by grabbing her wrist or whatnot because he mistakes her as a threat. Once he snaps out of his PTSD episode, he immediately feels horrible and regretful despite how much Reader tries to assure him that she’s okay and it wasn’t his fault. But it’s not enough; he starts to distant himself out of fear that he’d potentially hurt her again and out of fear that he’d finally done something enough that’ll make her want to leave him. Reader catches on though and then does her best to make Joel realize that she doesn’t blame him for what happened, she’ll always be there for him — through the good, bad, and ugly —, and she’ll never leave him because he’s the love of her life. Just basically a whole lot of hurt and comfort (with a hint of angst and fluff) lol.

(Ah, I’m so sorry that this ended up being such an annoyingly long and detailed ask! I was struggling with how to express my idea in words, and just ended up rambling… I hope it’s okay! 😭 Please feel free to change anything — you’re incredibly talented, so I completely trust your wherever your creativity takes you if you choose to write this).

Anyway! Thank you so much for writing and sharing all of your stories — your writing is truly outstanding and really just your account as a whole is one of my absolute favorites! 🫶🏻

AN | Please, this is so cute but sad, but there’s also a happy ending 💕

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language, Mentions of PTSD

Word Count | 2.8k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Think you made enough food?” you felt Joel’s arm at the small of your back as you set up the desserts you had made. You turned to him and pretended to huff before playfully swatting his hand away, “I think you’ve got enough for the whole of Jackson.”

“I never hear you complaining, Joel Miller,” you grabbed one of the chocolate cookies you’d made and took a bite before offering half to him. He playfully bit it out of your hand, causing you to giggle at him, “no manners, Mr. Miller. None at all!”

“I,” he mumbled through a mouth of cookie, “am a perfect gentleman, darlin’.”

“You’re lucky I love you,” you uncovered the rest of the baked goods you’d prepared and marveled at your handiwork, “this is a family barbeque but you know that basically means everyone will be here since we’re all basically one big, weird family. Hence, I made plenty.”

“What’s a smart woman like you doing with a fool like me?” he wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you in a for a sweet kiss, practically beaming when you pulled back, “baby.”

"Don't baby me, Miller," you planted a playful, sloppy kiss on his cheek, "go on and help your brother with the barbecue so we can actually eat."

"Fine," he clutched at his heart as he scoffed before making his way over to Tommy. You couldn't help but watch him go, shaking your head in amusement. This man.

-

The world might have been different from how it once used to be, but one of the things that never changed was the love of fireworks. Jimmy and Sandra had somehow managed to come up with a cache of them on one of their last trips out of Jackson. 

Naturally, the brilliant idea that they could be used at the barbecue was proposed and it wasn't hard to convince the younger Miller brother to go ahead with it. Under controlled circumstances, it would all be fine. 

And realistically it should have been fine…you had no reason to think that it wouldn't be. But life didn't seem to agree with you and had a completely different idea. 

You were standing with Ellie, your arms wrapped around her shoulders and you hugged onto her, waiting to see all the pretty fireworks. It hit you then and there - Ellie had never seen fireworks before! The idea in and of itself seemed wild. 

Her entire face was lit up from her big smile and the sparkling lights as the two of you watched the ones Tommy had set off. 

"Pretty cool, huh?" You pressed a kiss to the top of her head before realizing that something, or someone rather, was missing, "I'm going to go and find Joel. I'll be right back!"

Ellie was so distracted that she didn't even take much note of you leaving. It only took a few minutes before you found him near the back of the house, picking at something from one of the tables, or so you thought anyway.

"Babe?" You weren't sure if he could hear you over the clambering of the crowd and the fireworks; he didn't turn around. You walked closer to him and reached for him, "Joel?"

And then it happened all at once; he turned around and grabbed your wrist, twisting your arm at a painful angle and causing you to cry out. His eyes were dark but there was nothing there, just an empty hollowness. 

“Joel!” you tried to pull out of his tight grip but that only made things more painful. He wasn’t letting go and you didn’t know what to do - he clearly wasn’t him right now. You struggled with him for a few moments before you heard someone running up and yelling at Joel to stop. 

You looked up and felt a wave of relief wash over your body when you realized it was Tommy. If there was anyone that could help in this situation, it would be him. Tommy managed to pry Joel’s hands off you, the sheer force causing you to stumble backwards and fall onto your butt. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Tommy’s hands were on Joel’s shoulders as he tried to get him to snap out of his trance. You’d never seen him like this and it was as scary as it was heartbreaking. You didn’t fully know what was going on but you had a fairly good guess, “Joel, this isn’t real, it’s just a memory. You’re okay, you’re safe, you’re at home with us.”

That seemed to quell him even if it was the slightest bit and he shook his head, almost as if he was trying to shake whatever was going on off. 

“Breathe in and out slowly,” Tommy had a calming effect on your boyfriend who seemed to relax, his shoulders slumping ever so slightly, “look around, we’re at home, we’re safe.”

Tommy took a few steps back and looked at you, an apologetic expression on his face. You swallowed the lump in your throat and as he held out his hand to help you to up and to your feet. Once you were back up, you looked over at Joel to find looking between you and Tommy,

“Joel?” your voice almost cracked as you subconsciously at your sore wrist and sore. His eyes darted to the sore area that was already red and starting to swell. 

His jaw clenched as he let out a long sigh, hanging in head in exhaustion and shame, “I’m…I’m okay.”

Tommy hesitated for a moment before gently wrapping an arm around your shoulder, “let me take you and Ellie home.”

“But-”

“Please?” he asked softly, offering you a pointed look. You realized what he was trying to convey and nodded before letting him lead you away, “I’ll be right back, big brother.”

You cast one last look at Joel but he wouldn’t meet your eyes. Your heart broke a little bit, but you kept repeating to yourself that everything would be alright. This was just a small bump in the road.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

When you woke up the following morning, you found yourself alone in bed, Joel’s side still made up and cold. He hadn’t come to bed. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes before putting on your slippers and padding down the hall. You poked your head into Ellie’s bedroom and found the girl fast asleep still; at least she was getting some rest. 

You decided to start a pot of coffee and made your way to the kitchen; when you stepped inside you found him sitting at the table and staring at his hands. You relaxed ever so slightly when you realized he was home…but something was definitely still going on. 

“Joel?” you’d been so quiet that he hadn’t heard you come in, but his head snapped up and looked at you, “h-hey, my love.”

He inhaled shakily before looking you over, his entire face turning into a grimace at the angry haze of bruising on your arm. You realized what he was looking at and moved to tuck your arm behind your back. 

“I hurt you,” was all he managed to see before you could see that his eyes were glistening with tears. You took a few steps closer and shook your head fervently, but he recoiled from you, “I did that to you.”

“No,” the fact that he tried to shy away from you didn’t stop you from getting closer, “you didn’t hurt me - that wasn’t you.”

“It was me,” gingerly, he reached for your hand and pulled out your arm so he could look it over properly. In between the marks you could see the fingerprints etched in there, “if it wasn’t me, who did this to you?”

“Baby-”

“I hurt you,” he repeated, “all because I couldn’t handle the sound of some fuckin’ fireworks.”

“Stop,” you crouched down so you could look up at him since he refused to do so, “please. It wasn’t your fault, and I don’t blame you for this. No one should - it was an unfortunate thing but it’s over and done with this and this bruising will heal and go away. But I am never going away, and if you think this one little thing will do that, then you don’t know me very well.”

“I had no control over what happened,” he was willing to concede at least that much, “and that’s what scares me. What if it happens again? What if it gets even worse the next time? What if-”

“Joel,” you reached up and put your hand on his face, brushing your thumb over his cheek, “you can’t think like that. It’s not healthy….just because it happened once doesn’t mean it will happen again. And, if for some reason it does, we’ll take it one day at a time.”

He reached up and gently removed your hand from his face, causing you to frown deeply, “I can’t trust myself around you. If anything ever happened to you or to Ellie, I would never forgive myself.”

“Joel-”

“I need some air,” he stood up and gently brushed past you, walking outside and into the backyard. You remained rooted in your spot, but sighed heavily, blinking back the tears that threatened to well up. 

Things would be okay, you knew they would…they had to be. Right? Right.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel was still with you, but you could slowly see him growing more and more distant as the days wore on. Despite your reassurances that you were okay, and you still loved him more than anything, it was like he became a shell of his former self. And it wasn’t just with you, which was a bit of reassurance that it wasn’t just you, but it was with everyone. You wished there was something you could do that would easily get him back to his former self. Just as your arm grew better and less bruised, he continued to pull away and create a barrier between the two of you. 

One late night, as you laid in bed reading due to your inability to sleep, Joel came in and slowly closed the door behind him, and leaned against it. When he cleared his throat, you looked up and saw a serious expression on his face. He looked just as tired as you felt. 

“What’s up?” you asked softly as you closed your book and gently set it to the side. He remained silent for a few moments, clearly searching for the right words. Once a few moments of tense silence passed he finally looked at you, "hmm?"

"I've been thinkin'," he shoved his hands into pockets. You sat up straighter and tried to push down the nagging feeling that was already forming in your tummy, "and I think it's best…I should go."

"Go?" You parroted, not fully understanding what he was talking about, "what do you mean, Joel?"

"Go," he waved his hand around, "I don't think I should be here with you and Ellie anymore."

"Oh. Oh," you frowned at him, "so you're just going to up and leave."

"Baby, I - it's not like that," he insisted softly but you weren't just about to let him go. Not that easily, "this is what's best."

You scoffed at him, not even bothering to hide your disappointment, "that's what's best, huh? For who? For who is it best? You?"

"Best for everyone."

"Well that is just a straight up lie," you got out of bed and walked over to him, crossing your arms over his chest, "its not what's best for me at all. Or Ellie."

"Baby," it was softer and much more gentle, and almost resigned in a way.

"Listen - this time I need you to listen to me," you stood in front of him, firm and tall, "this has been going on for weeks now and I'm not just going to let you keep continuing on like this."

"I just…I wouldn't forgive myself if I ever did anything to you or hurt you in any way possible," you could see his Adam's apple bobbing, "its already hard enough knowing that I did." 

"Look," you pulled back the sleeve of your sweater and held up your arm. When he refused to acknowledge what you were doing you kept a cool and even tone, "look at me."

Reluctantly he allowed himself to look at your arm, at the place he had once hurt you. Your arm was back to normal and no remnants of what had once happened. He wrapped his fingers gingerly around your wrist as he tenderly turned your arm to get a better look at it. 

"There's nothing there," you pointed out softly, "and it doesn't hurt at all. I don't think about it anymore and I don't…I never blamed you and I was never scared of you."

"You're saying that now…but what if it happens again?" You could see the genuine concern in his eyes as you reached up and gently touched his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch, something he'd denied himself for what seemed like an eternity by that point.

"If it does, we'll figure it out," you meant every word you said and you hoped he knew that, "Joel, life isn't always easy and it's not always fun. But just because one hard or bad thing happened doesn't mean I'm just going to walk away. That's not who we are and that's not what we do. I'm with you forever and nothing is going to change that."

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, in search of the right thing to say. Instead of verbalizing all that he was feeling, he bowed his head and pressed his forehead to yours.

"If it was me that happened to and I hurt you, would you want me to just leave?" You asked softly and you could feel the shake of his head.

"Of course not," he insisted, "it wouldn't…it would have been an accident."

"Exactly," you whispered, "how do you think I feel about you? I'm not going to let you just go. Not without a fight."

"Really?"

"Of course," you took his face in your hands and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, "I love you, silly man. Nothing is ever going to change that. We'll be together through the good and the bad, through thick and thin. All of it."

And that was what seemed to break him. You could hear him sniffle lightly before a few tears rolled down his cheek. You gently brushed them away before making a small sound of reassurance at him. 

"I love you, baby," he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his warm, soft body. You felt him relax into your touch as you looped your arms around his shoulders and tucked yourself into his body as best as possible. You could tell that he needed this just as much as you did; he was practically melting into your body, "so much."

"I love you," it was a sentiment whispered in his ear so only he could hear it,"so, so much my love."

"When I hurt you I just…I got so worried."

"It's understandable," you insisted, "anyone would feel that way. But I want you to also understand that I love you and that nothing is ever going to change that."

"I know," a huff of laughter escaped him, "I've always known that."

"Good," you gave him the beaming smile that he still managed to fall in with over and over again, "because I've always known that you love me too. I can't promise everything, but I can promise you one thing."

"What's that?" He trailed his fingers against your jaw.

"That we'll always be together," you pressed kisses to both of his cheeks, "and we'll get through anything. And that I will always love you."

"That's three things," he teased, a glimpse of his true self coming though.

"Joel!" You were laughing though and he loved that sound, "get the sentiment though."

"I do," he agreed gently, "I love you."

"I love you too, Joel Miller."

[endo-bunny]

His Light in the Darkness

Summary: When Joel finds love ten years into the apocalypse and has a daughter with that woman two years later, he has to deal with the death of his beloved. He had to deal with a child that he doesn’t want, the child that took his whole world. That was, until a couple months after your birth. Now you will have to go with your father, Joel, and “The Cargo,” Ellie. As you go through this traumatizing yet exciting new adventure, you will have to learn a lot of things if you wish to survive in this world.

Paring: Joel x daughter!reader

Series Warnings:Mentions of violence, using both the game lore and show lore, Tess being a mother figure to reader, reader is eight years old, attempted SA, attempted kidnapping, kidnapping, slaves, death, dialogue and actions/scenes not being exactly the same or close to original, nicknames for reader(Little Light, honey, sweetie, baby girl), anxiety attacks, anxiety alluded to but not specified, symptoms of ptsd but not specified, reader is Joel's biological daughter, mother’s looks not specified, reader is a child so she will cry a lot (please don’t complain about this) this is normal for children

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of violence, using both the game lore and show lore, Tess being a mother figure to reader, reader is eight years old, panic attack

Word Count: 3,465

******

Chapter 1 - The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Winter 2015

Cries were what filled the room. A female that looked to be in her mid thirties was laid out on a worn down mattress. In her arms was a baby, the one that was producing those beautiful sounds. Her breaths were shallow, hands bloody as her eyes met those of her lover. There beside her was Joel. He stared lovingly at the woman, your mother. She taught him how to love again, and you were also someone that was going to help teach him how to love once more in the future. The woman had already known there was a chance of not surviving through childbirth. Hell, they were living in the fucking apocalypse. They didn’t have the same materials and medical help or equipment that they had twelve years ago.

She felt weak, she wasn’t gaining any strength back. She had children before the outbreak but upon outbreak day and thereafter, they had died in front of her eyes. That was one of the many things that the two lovers confided in and shared with each other. Her other births had been similar to this birth; but her other times were much different when it came to the time after giving birth. She wasn’t gaining any strength back like she usually would, she was only losing it. She could feel her heart that had previously been pounding in her chest slowly start to slow down to an alarmingly slow speed. Her breaths that had previously been easier to have were quickly becoming harder and harder to inhale.

With just one look, Joel knew what she was about to tell him. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t lose his lover; his light in the dark. Tears flooded his eyes, racing down his face shortly after. He choked out a sob. As carefully as he could, he gingerly held her in his arms. They stayed like that for hours, even after she had taken her final breath. She had been able to breastfeed their child with the help of Joel.

As he continued to lay there, your mother still in his arms, the door was quietly opened. Tess stepped in, grief upon her face at seeing Joel with his deceased lover. She walked over, getting close enough to touch Joel’s shoulder. His eyes snapped up to meet hers. This was the most vulnerability that Joel has ever shown Tess. She saw how much pain he was in, and she couldn’t do anything to help him. He muttered something to her after he calmed down a little.

“Take the baby, I don’t want the thing that took away the love of my life.”

She was shocked to say the least. She never thought that he would ever say anything such as that. He always seemed so happy when talk of the two’s unborn child was brought up. As Tess sighed, she lightly shook her head side to side, rejecting his request; or rather demand. She couldn’t do that. He looked angry, more than angry. He was extremely pissed to say the least. He snarled at her, even more so when she started to talk about burying your mother. The rest of it all was just a blur in his mind. He blocked everything else. He didn’t want to deal with anything else, especially you.

A couple months passed by, Joel hating every moment of it. On one surprisingly warmer day, his view towards you was swiftly changed. He had put you down on the couch, not fully caring if you fell or not. It didn’t feel like it was his responsibility. He was looking over everything that he would need for his and Tess’ next run. Something in him caused him to turn his gaze towards you. There you were, smiling over at him as if he was the greatest thing in the entire universe. In a sense, he was, to you.

Once you saw that his gaze had turned towards you, you erupted into a fit of adorable little giggles. He had never heard that beautiful sound come from your tiny body. The moment he heard it, he was immediately transported to the first time he heard that same noise come from Sarah.

Right then and there, he knew how disappointed and angry Sarah and your mother would have been at him. He was beyond ashamed of how he acted and treated you. You were his daughter, he was your father, he was supposed to love and protect you. He knew then that he needed to change the person that he was, but only for you. He wasn’t going to allow himself to be any different towards anyone else, he couldn’t trust anyone else in this newer world. As for now, for the first time since your mothers death, he picked you up lovingly and smiled.

“Hi, my Little Light. Daddy’s here now.”

******

Autumn 2023

Giggles erupted from you as you played with your toys; your fathers warning to not make any noise while he wasn’t there escaping your mind. All noises stopped however once you heard the front door open, close, and then voices. All you could hear was your fathers voice before you were sprinting out to him, jumping into his arms that weren’t ready to catch you.

“Daddy!”

He huffed, trying to keep you from falling out of his arms. He looked at you with love in his eyes, but he still had his mask up due to the fact that there was a teenage girl being present.The teenager looked surprised to see this man that has been nothing but cold and rude to her, be so loving and even have a child. You finally looked at her curiosity in your eyes.

“Who’s she Daddy?”

Joel cursed under his breath, “She’s no one, just some cargo,” He had hoped that you would simply just accept that she was there for a tiny bit and then just never bring her up ever.

The teen scoffed at him, “Hi there?” Her voice seemed on edge, “I’m Ellie, the cargo.”

You giggled at her, finding the new girl funny.

“Go and stay in your room baby girl, I’m gonna stay out here, ok?”

You nodded your head, perfectly fine with going back to playing with your toys.

Thirty minutes passed, Ellie snooping through Joel's stuff the entire time. She froze though when she heard a door down the hall open. You padded down the hall, trying to be as stealthy as possible, failing however seeing as you are just eight years old and not fully aware of your surroundings. Once you reached the living room, you jumped. Looking around you saw Ellie looking at you. She also jumped, not expecting your reaction. Seeing her jump causes you to giggle, and while she is weary of you, she does find it a little cute.

“What are you doing? Didn’t the old man tell you to stay back there?”

She honestly didn’t fully care what you were doing but she was still at least a little curious.

You stared at her while your child brain worked to try and think of something, “Nothing?”

Before she could say anything else, you ran over to her. You came up to about her waist, a little lower. You’ve heard Joel and Tess talk about how you’re small for your age. They summed it up to being that you weren’t getting the right nutrients and needed to eat a little more vegetables and meat.

“Why did Daddy say that you’re cargo?”

“‘Cause he’s taking me somewhere,” She sounded grumpy and slightly irritated.

“Who are you?” Ellie was quick to ask you a question of her own.

Telling her your name, you looked down at what she was holding

In her hands were dog tags. You looked back up towards her with a perplexed gaze set in your eyes. She looked down at her hands, having completely forgotten that she was holding them.

“Oh, those are mine.”

“Are you a Firefly?”

Your question caught her really off guard. She had no idea that someone who seems as young as you would know anything about the Firefly’s.

“Uh, no, but someone that I loved was.”

You know by the tone in her voice and the look in her eyes that it was time to shut up. You walked over to your father and sat down on the ground. She watched you before returning to whatever she had been doing. You zoned her out as you found some of the crayons that you had left on the coffee table. Joel had found that he could melt down some of the broken crayons and make new ones.

You made multiple drawings, knowing that all of them would end up on something in the apartment. You looked up once you zoned back into reality. It was dark out and Joel was still asleep. Giggling quietly to yourself, you climbed onto the couch and hopped onto his chest. He jumped awake. Both from you and the nightmare that he had.

“Did you know that you talk in your sleep?”

Ellie was looking at something in your hands. Your dad picked you up and sat you down on the couch. As he sat up, he started to say but you found the fraying threads of the couch much more interesting. Although it became much less intriguing once you heard a certain someone’s voice. Tess walked in through the door, saying something to Joel and Ellie. You looked up at her, quickly getting up to go to her.

“Mama!” You somewhat calmly walked over to her, unlike how you did earlier to Joel.

She greeted you and then looked at Joel.

“Can I talk to you in the other room?”

He looked hesitant towards you before nodding, going to his room. Ellie looked at you curiously, as well as you. Once the door closed, you both turned your gazes to each other.

“So, was that your mom?”

“Not really, I just call her Mama. Daddy told me that my real mama was in a better place and that I would never be able to see her again, but that she loved me. What about you?”

“Yeah, same I guess.”

You smile brightly at the older girl. Right once you opened your mouth, beginning to say something, Tess and Joel walked back in. Joel is quick to pick you up and get you away from Ellie. As you got comfy in his large arms, resting your head against his warm chest, your eyes dropped shut.

The next time that you open your eyes, you’re strapped to your fathers chest. As you start to wake up, you realize that you're not in your home anymore. Were you outside? There weren’t any normal buildings around. Your question was soon answered when you heard guards talking. You were immediately thrown into a frenzy when someone started yelling at your group.

The next thing you know, your father is taking you out of the holder and setting you down directly next to him. Tears were streaming down your face as you frantically grasp onto his pants leg. Everyone’s kneeling and the guard is saying something. Everything happens so fast, your dad is suddenly beating the guard, Tess is grabbing the tester, and Ellie moves in front of you.

You're still crying as all the commotion settles down. You look up at Ellie, who is now sitting next to you with a panicked look on her now dirtier face. She was also looking up. As you reach out for her, wanting to be held to help calm you down, Tess is quick to step in.

“Get away from her.”

You look alarmed, confused why you couldn’t be near her. As you try to understand what's going on, Joel quickly scoops you up, getting away from Ellie just as fast. Tess has something in her hand that you can’t see very well. Tears are still falling from your now red and puffy eyes as your dad curses in frustration.

“Why are you so mad at her, Daddy?” Your small hands grasped onto his shirt, tugging slightly.

Everyone stopped at the sound of your small voice, realization that you were with them sinking into Joel and Tess’ minds. The reality of this situation was making itself loud and clear. Your question goes unanswered as the talking continues on. You were scared, you didn’t know what was going on and everything was terrifying. You just wanted to be at home, safe and sound, being held tightly under a blanket in your fathers arms.

Your breathing starts to quicken as it feels like you're losing control over your own body. Fresh tears sprout from your eyes and your heart is pounding in your ears. Were you dying? You didn’t want to die like this, not now. It felt like you couldn’t breathe. You weakly clutch at your chest as your throat closes up, small whimpers leaving the confines of your overworked lungs. Your tiny body was trembling, beginning to feel very hot in your own skin. Sweat collected on your forehead. Joel noticed very quickly what was happening.

“Hey, baby girl, breathe. You're okay. Look at me baby,” His hand guided your face to look towards him.

He talked you through it, although a lot of it sounded like you were underwater. Once you finally were back, panic attack taken care of to the best of their abilities, you noticed that it seemed like the problem from earlier was completely taken care of. You couldn’t tell when it was taken care of but it was.

Joel seemed to be in a bitterer mood than he was earlier. You stayed quiet, opting to just look around at everything since you had nothing else to do except sit there attached to your fathers chest. As you continued to walk, going somewhere but you didn’t know where, you finally arrived at a new area. It seemed to be a very rocky place. You couldn’t tell if it was a building or not, but it looked similar to one.

You father was the first to go in, holding you tight against his chest despite the fact that you were already tightly strapped to his chest. He looked around a little, making sure that the coast was clear, before telling Tess and Ellie to come in. They soon follow in after him, Tess’ immediate move is to look at you then around the place. As the four of you make your way through the building, the air seems to get tenser, as if something bad was about to happen. That feeling was proven right when Joel and you split up from Tess and Ellie. Your head was covered by the strap, Joel having done that the moment he sensed danger. You could barely move around, all you could do was listen to what was going on around you. You heard growling and your dad grunting every so often. At one point, you get jostled around a little more than normal, a muffled cry coming from your mouth. Joel is quick to put his hand on your back before taking his hand away. You hear a struggle going on before your father and Tess’ voices once again.

As your father uncovers your head, you can finally see once more. There's bodies of the infected all around, and your father is breathing heavily. You don’t get to look around much more before Joel is quickly walking again, trying to get this whole thing done and over with as fast as possible. You’re confused as to what was happening, and it seemed that Ellie seemed to be as well. The two adults however ignored your confused and concerned faces as the supposedly short journey continued on.

******

The trip was much more boring than you had expected. You were finally arriving at the building where Ellie was supposed to be dropped off at, but it seemed to be a little quiet. Joel went into protect mode almost immediately once he realized that something wasn’t right.

As he cautiously looked around, he found that everyone that should've been there was dead. He covered your eyes so that you wouldn’t have to see all of it, trying to keep you safe from the horrors of this world as much as he could. As everyone is looking around, Tess starts talking about where to go next.

“What the hell do you mean? The jobs finished, it’s time to go home,” Joel's ruff voice cuts Tess off mid sentence.

“I mean that I can’t go home,” Tess’ usually strong voice wavers as her eyes land on you.

Ellie gasps, understanding what the older woman meant. Tess pulled the neck of her shirt down to reveal a horrible looking bite. Joel didn’t know how to react, he didn’t want to believe that Tess was bitten. You didn’t understand what was going on, so you tried tugging on your fathers shirt in order to get his attention. He didn’t even look at you, just put his hand on your back.

“You have to get her to Tommy,” Tess goes over to Ellie and grips her arm, showing Joel the bite mark that Ellie had shown them earlier, “She has to be telling the truth. Look at this, this is only a few hours old and it’s already horrible,” She pulls down her own shirt collar once again while talking to further prove her point. Before Joel could respond, groaning and screeching could be heard outside. Tess rushed over to one of the boarded up windows, looking out of it to see outside.

“Get out of here, there's a hoard of those fuckers coming here,” Tess began rustling through her bag, looking for specific items.

She pulled a small object out of a little, purple bag that seemed to still be in good condition. Joel’s breath hitched the moment he realized what the bag was. Tess walked over to you, the small object and bag in her hands.

“Sweetheart, I may not be your real mother but I love you like you're my blood daughter. I’m going to have to go away for a very long time and I want you to have these,” She put the small object in your hand, “Look after your father for me, you’re His Light in the Darkness.”

As you looked at it, you saw that it was a locket. You opened it with confusion, having a little difficulty. Inside the locket were two pictures. One was a picture of your mother, father and Tess all together. Your mother was holding the camera, her arm outstretched as she smiled brightly at the camera. Joel was hugging her, a wide smile outstretched on his face as he looked at her, ignoring the camera. Tess had her hand on her gun, seeming to be on alert, but she still had a warm smile on as she stared at the camera. The second picture was one of your father and mother. Joel had his arm around your mother as she had both of hers on his chest, seeming to be laughing at something. They were in a room that looked similar to the room that your father slept in now, but some of the furniture wasn’t as it was now.

“Daddy look! It’s Mommy!” Your excited voice came out a little too loud as the sounds of groaning and clicking came closer.

Everyone else's eyes went wide upon hearing what was waiting for them outside. Tess quickly began pouring gasoline all over everything in the room, trying to make sure that everything was covered.

“Joel go! Get them out of here, take the girl to Tommy. I’ll lure them in here, then take the building with me,” Her eyes were filled to the brim with tears as she looked at the little girl that she helped raise, knowing that she'd be leaving her.

“Mama? What's happening?”

She couldn't bring herself to tell you. She walked over and kissed the top of your head before handing Joel her backpack. She gave him a silent look before Joel grabbed Ellie to leave. You were crying now, not understanding what was happening and not wanting to leave Tess. Noises could be heard behind you as Joel quickly got out of the building despite Ellies struggles to get out of his grip.

All of a sudden, a loud boom came from behind the three of you. The building exploded. You continued to cry, the commotion overwhelming you. Joel did his best to consol you with what little energy that he had left. As you started to get brought back down to earth, your eyes became increasingly heavier by the second. Joel covered your head as you laid it on his chest, sleep beginning to take you after the exhausting day.

******

Tag list:

@fakegingerrights

@silnebula

I really hope that you liked this! It took a lot of energy for me to actually make this because I've been really procrastinating. I'm currently also working on my other Tech x Reader series but I have no idea when that will be. I'm also working on chapter two for this one. I might also do some romantic one shots for Joel because I love him so much.

@macchiato-dreaming22

[allywthsr]

FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT | (l.norris)

summary: Lando and you talk about the cheating rumors, you find out the truth and you solve things between each other. Part two to Reckless

wordcount: 5.4k words

pairing: landonorris x singer!femreader

warnings: panic attack, crying (let me know if I missed anything)

notes: the love part one got, made my heart throb. Thank you!!!! I hope you like whatever I wrote there, also the first time I used text messages and tweets, tell me what you think about them!! I used follow the white rabbit by Madison Beer for this part! I deleted some lyrics, hope you don’t mind.

You were not ready for Lando to come home. Not ready at all.

You didn’t know who you should believe, him or the pictures that were posted all over the internet. Of course you wanted to believe him, you‘ve been in a relationship with him for over five years now, he never gave you a reason to doubt him. But the picture literally had proof on them, showing him in the act of kissing this woman. And we‘re not talking a smooch we’re talking full on make out session in the middle of the club. His excuse better be good or you would leave, and if he started to blame the alcohol you would be fuming. Alcohol is not an excuse to kiss other people, even when you‘re drunk you need to think of your significant other.

Normally Lando wasn’t even planing to come home, the plan was that he flew straight to Belgium for the next race weekend and you would join him there, but now you weren’t sure if you wanted to go and see him race, even if things cleared between you two. But you weren’t sure if they would, even when there was an explanation for it, he still kissed this girl and met up with her multiple times in Monaco. And there‘s no denying it, there were pictures that clearly showed him with her.

You wanted things fixed with him, you loved him with your whole heart, he was your person. What are you gonna do if things didn’t work out? Move back to your home country? Stay in Monaco? Move somewhere you‘ve never lived before? You had absolutely no clue.

The wait felt like days, you walked around your apartment, cleaning here and there, trying to calm your nerves. You settled in the living room waiting for Lando to arrive. After three and a half hours you finally heard the door unlock, now your heartbeat fastened, you had the feeling that your heart was going to jump out of your chest, and you thought that you were going to faint. Too scared that things won’t work out and you‘ve spent the last five and a half years with Lando for nothing. You wanted to marry him, you wanted to have children with him, you wanted to build your forever home, you wanted to get a dog, and you couldn’t imagine all these things with someone else. You did not think you could ever love someone as much as you loved him.

”Y/N?“, you froze. Nope, you wanted to leave, this was too much for you. You couldn’t talk with him, look him in the eye or be in his presence.

You didn’t answer him, you wanted to but when you tried to speak, nothing came out.

”Y/N, are you there?“, he asked again. Tears started to form in your eyes, you were fucking scared. And before anything else happened you started to feel a panic attack coming, something you‘ve been familiar with but especially in the last hours had constantly. You started shaking and crying silently, breathing way too fast and not being able to help yourself getting out of it, you curled into a little ball, hugging your knees while putting your head on them while you rocked back and forth.

So when you heard footsteps nearing, you panicked even more. By now you were shaking uncontrollably and your sobs got louder and louder, you felt like fainting with the little air you only got. Lightheaded you looked up and saw Lando standing in the middle of the living room.

”Y/N what the fuck, are you okay?“, you just shook your head and before you could take another breath he was next to you on the couch, taking you in his arms and squeezing you tight. The tears were just falling down your face and Lando thought about calling an ambulance. He had experienced you having a panic attack quite often, he even had some himself when he first got to formula one and the pressure became too much but he‘d never seen an attack being that bad. He just hoped his presence would calm you down, as it normally would but after the articles, he wasn’t that sure anymore.

”Hey Y/N, breathe Baby, you need to breathe. Do it like me“, he started to slowly breathe in with his nose loudly and held it in for a few seconds and then blew the air out of his mouth. You really did try to breathe like him, but your sobs interrupted you before you could breathe in. He held you tighter in hopes that he could stop your shaking but it only got worse.

”Is it better if I not touch you? I don’t want that you get worse only because I hug you“, but you just clawed your hands in his arm that was wrapped around your front and shook your head slightly.

”No? You want me to hug you?“, you squeezed his arm tighter and started to lean in his body a little.

”Okay, Baby you need to breathe or I need to call a doctor, this is not healthy and I can’t get you out of this headspace. You‘ll be fine, listen okay? Breath like me.“

You slowly took a breath in and before you could hold it, you let out a sob and another.

”I can’t breathe “, you pressed out of your lungs while trying to get some air.

”I know baby, but you need to come back to me, it‘ll all be fine. We are fine, okay? I love you so much but you need to come back to me love“, you tried so hard to breath normal but the panic attack was stronger and the sobs spilled out of your mouth again.

”I feel like I’m going to faint Lando.“

Now he started to panic, he really has never seen it that bad before, he needed to call a doctor, he couldn’t help you alone.

Then Lando got an idea, he wanted to use a technique you showed him and he never got the chance to try it out but now was the perfect timing.

”Baby I know, let’s do the senses thing you showed me okay?“, you just nodded while shaking.

” What are five things you can see?“

You lift your head from your knees and looked around.

”Y-You, the tab-table“, you took a shaky breath.

”It’s okay baby, take your time and breath.“

”The couch, the plan-plant, the lamp.“

”Good job angel, breath. Now what are four things you can touch?“

”Y-Y-You“, you were interrupted by a sob, ”The couch, my phone, the table.“

”Yes baby, now take a deep breath“, you looked into his eyes and repeated the breathing he did.

”Good, three things you can hear?“

You looked back through the room, focusing on what you can hear at the moment, allowing your brain to calm down.

”Your voice, the neighbors drilling something in the wall and my phone pinging with messages.“

”Exactly“, he pressed a kiss on the side of your head, ”two things you can smell?“

”You and the room perfume I sprayed this morning.“

”Good job love“, he noticed how you were much calmer than he started, barely letting out a sob and only a little shaky.

”And what is one thing you can taste?“

You chuckled, ”You.“

He let out a quiet laugh, ”Yes baby. Breathe okay? Do it with me.“

You turned your face back to his face and after he took a deep breath through his nose, you repeated after him.

”Hold it.“

You nodded and together you hold the air for about five seconds, and after that, you both let the air out through the mouth. He repeated that three more times and after that, you were back to your old self.

”Welcome back love, do you need anything? Water or do you want to lie down? Sleep for an hour?“

You shook your head and answered him with a: ”I need you.“ He whispered an ’Okay‘ and placed his head on yours, enjoying the embrace you guys were still in. After what felt like hours of sitting there, it was probably only ten minutes, he slowly let go of you, and you whined when he did that.

”I‘m gonna get some water and then we can talk, yeah?“

You nodded and let out a breath, too scared to fall back into a panic attack, you weren’t ready for what was coming.

When he came back with two glasses of water and placed them on the little coffee table and sat on the couch across from you, he began.

”So it looks bad, but it’s not like everyone says it happened. Yes, I kissed her, well, she kissed me. But only for two seconds and maybe it looks like a full make out but I swear it was only for like three seconds. She pulled my head down and wrapped my hands around her waist and before I could react she kissed me, but I immediately pushed her away. My brain needed a second to register what was happening because I was in such a shaken state, and that’s where they took a picture.“

”But you hung out with her in Monaco, and she was in Hungary when you were racing.“

”Yes I-“, he didn’t know what to say, it wasn’t like he was searching for an excuse but more like the right words, ”I met up with her because she‘s actually the sister of a friend, and he asked me to pick her up because he couldn’t and didn’t want her to walk. I‘ve met her a few times at his‘ and yeah that’s basically it.“

”You literally went with her on a walk after I asked you to go with me to the docks for some fresh air!“, you argued, now getting frustrated.

”Yes and I have no excuse for that. I did go for a walk with her, but I don’t know what to tell you. She wanted us to be friends and friends hang out, so she asked me to meet her at the city.“

”So you ditched me, your girlfriend, for some chick and did not tell me about it? You could literally have asked me to go with you and we could‘ve met up with her.“

”I know and it’s stupid, but I guess I was overwhelmed with the race weekend coming up and so I didn’t thi-“

”No! You do not get to blame this on your job. This is you being a bitch.“

He chuckled, ”I was, but believe me, I never had any intention to do anything with her.“

”But she did!“

”Well, I know that now.“

”And what about my release party? This album is literally about you and you didn’t come? Do you even have an idea how embarrassed I was? Your family was there and they didn’t catch a glimpse of you the whole time they were in Monaco. I stood there all alone talking about how happy you made me and when people asked me about you, I had to tell them you were at the MTC. Everyone thought you were the biggest jerk for leaving when I had an important day. I travel around the world for you, I move meetings, and recording sessions just so I can join you for a race. I asked you to come for one day, one fucking day and you didn’t show. I even put the release date like that, so it wouldn’t be on a race week, so you could attend and my ass wouldn’t be alone. But I was alone, in this room full of people I love, I was alone because you weren’t there. I came home early and you weren’t even home and when I checked your location you were somewhere in Monaco. You could‘ve texted, you could‘ve called, yet - nothing. I thought you had some huge thing planned as a surprise for me but you didn’t even apologize. You just came home late and didn’t even think about me. I cried in our bed and you came in, changed your clothes and fell asleep immediately. Just the next day you said ’Oh I‘m sorry I didn’t come‘ and went on with your day? I literally cried on my release day, but not happy tears, that’s just fucking sad dude. This might not be a big deal to you, but releasing an album isn’t something you do every weekend.“, you started to pick at your sweatpants trying to distract your tears from falling down your cheeks. All the emotions came back from that day.

”I‘m so sorry I made you feel that way. I wanted to come I promise, I even bought that huge bouquet of your favorite flowers but then she called me and“, you let out a scoff, of course she called him, ”told me she her car broke down in the middle of nowhere and I was the only one she could reach. I had to help her and it took way longer than I expected, the tow truck took two hours to find our location, so when we finished and I drove her home because her car was in some repair shop, she invited me into her flat and we just had a soda relaxing from all the stress and I forgot to go to the party. I just remembered when I found the flowers in the trunk of my car the next morning, but they were all dead because they didn’t get any water all night long. This is not an excuse, I just want you to know what happened. And nothing will change the fact that I missed one of the most important nights of this year, but I am truly sorry. If I could go back and do it differently, I would immediately but I can’t. And I have no clue how to make it up to you, I could buy you another handbag or whatever but nothing could make it better. I still feel like an idiot, if that helps?“

”Not really, I am still super mad at you, you have no idea.“

”And you have every right to be. But I am really so fucking sorry, I never wanted to make you feel this way.“

”But how did she end up in Hungary?“

”I invited her“, your head turned to his at a speed of light, ”What?!“, you screamed at him.

”This girl is literally flirting with you, trying to get you away from me every second of the day and you invite her to your race? No wonder she kissed you. She must’ve thought this was you telling her it’s something serious.“

”What? Y/N, no, you’re delusional.“

”Lando, I know how girls work, especially the bad ones. You might be my first relationship but my friends have told me about them.“

”But that’s not why I wanted her to come. She asked me if she could ever come to a race because she’s never been. And we had a spare ticket because you didn’t come so I asked her.“

”That’s bullshit, she obviously wanted something from you and you didn’t see it.“

”Well, I‘m sorry. I don’t know what else to tell you. I messed up and I‘m a horrible boyfriend but I can’t change things now. I just know that I never wanted anything from her, I invited her because I thought she was a friend and I helped her with her car because she was a friend. If I had known her intention, I would’ve never even picked her up in the first place.“

”You‘re not a horrible boyfriend. But over the last three weeks, you weren’t a good one either. I felt so alone in this country I never wanted to move to in the first place. Yes, it’s beautiful and all but doesn’t feel like home, I miss my friends so badly, but they‘re all in the UK. And I don’t want to blame you for this because this decision was made by both of us but you told me, you would never leave me alone for long. Because I have barely anyone here. Yes, the girlfriends of your friends but I can live without them as well. I almost booked a flight two weeks ago to go home, because if I’m alone here I can go home alone. This city will never be my forever home, I hope you didn’t forget this.“

”I am sorry Y/N. And of course, I didn’t forget about you not being a hundred percent happy with Monaco, if you want we can start looking at lots to build on in England. Building a house is not something you do in a week, so if you want we start looking for them. I will not leave you alone from now on, I promise.“

”But how are we gonna come back from this?“

”What do you mean?“

”Lando, I can’t just go back to what it was like before it all started. I love you so much, but you also hurt me. And I’m still fucking sad over the things you did, even if you didn’t cheat.“

”I love you too, but you believe me, right? I never wanted anything from her, trust me.“

”I guess, the wounds are still fresh, so I need you to give me time. I need time to heal and get over it.“

”Of course Baby, take all the time you need. I just don’t want us to break up over someone stupid. She‘s not worth any of your tears. She‘s just this stupid bitch, and I know that now.“

”I don’t want us to break up over this as well but I need the time and I will fly home as soon as I can. I don’t want to go to Spa with you, I need time apart to calm down. That doesn’t mean I want a break or anything just some time for myself.“

”Are you sure that’s something you want?“

”No, I need this. I am not happy here and I don’t want to be in the paddock right now, I need some family and friends time and especially time for myself.“

He nodded and stood up. Now he was the one with the glossy eyes and pouting lip.

”Lando, why are you crying?“

You stood up and walked to hug him.

”I am just so sorry Y/N. I never wanted to hurt you and now you need time away from me. Which is fine but I am so fucking sorry“, he let out a quiet sob and the first tear spilled out of his left eye. You hugged him even tighter and now his arms slang around your body to return the hug. His head found its way to your neck and let it rest there, crying quietly. You let him cry everything out and even spilled some tears of your own. This was not a breakup, but you needed time apart. You knew how Lando was, he would do everything to express how sorry he was. Getting you gifts, flowers and whatnot just to suppress his feelings. But you didn’t want that, you wanted him to understand why you were sad and needed to go home, and by buying you gifts he wouldn’t understand.

After holding him in your arms for good five minutes he started to talk again: ”Did you write a song already?“, he slowly lifted his head from your shoulder and looked with his red eyes into yours. You chuckled, ”Yes I did, it’s called Reckless, but I don’t know if I‘ll release it, I mean you didn’t cheat in the end.“

”You should, to show the world what kind of asshole I am.“

”Baby, you’re not an asshole, I love you so much. Never see yourself as anything bad, you just hurt me, yes, but we hurt people all the damn time. But we solved it, just because I need to go home for a week or two doesn’t mean I hate you. You just need to realize what you did wrong and heal yourself. I don’t want you to think bad of yourself, you did some questionable things, but it’s not like you actually cheated. Okay? You‘re my person, my love, my baby and nothing can separate me from you.“

He just nodded. He needed some time for himself, you both knew that you both needed time to come back even stronger. So you went and packed all the things you needed for a week at home and booked a ticket for the next flight.

”When are you coming back home from Spa?“, you asked Lando, you wanted to book a flight to Monaco already, so you had no choice but to come back home to Lando.

”On Monday evening, then we planned to go on vacation on Wednesday, but I don’t know if you still want to come?“

”Of course, I‘ll come with you on our yearly family holiday, are you mad? Spending weeks on a yacht with only sunshine and you and your family is like a dream. I miss my Mila and I need my Mila cuddles. I‘ll fly back home to Monaco on Tuesday morning so I‘ll be back by Lunch time and we have enough time to pack.“

You looked at him, the way he sat on the bed, looking like he‘d lost the fight of his life, his arms were crossed before his chest, his legs were moving the whole time, too nervous to actually settle and his head was leaned against the headboard of the bed.

”Hey Lando, calm down, it’s only a week, you need to fly to Spa tomorrow anyway. Concentrate on your race, I‘ll be watching and supporting you from home“, you sat next to his leg and patted it.

”We‘re okay Lando. I forgive you, don’t worry. I just need a few days for myself and after I come back, we‘ll be just like before everything happened. So get your shit together and smile for me.“

He gave you a big smile, satisfied with it, you gave him a quick peck on his lips and stood up to gather the rest of your things. When you packed the rest of your toiletries in your bag, closing it with the zipper you let out a sigh and asked yourself if you really wanted to do this. You looked in the mirror and you knew the answer if you looked at yourself. You had bags under your eyes, they didn’t sparkle like they used to and your skin wasn’t rosy anymore. These three weeks took a toll on your whole being, you didn’t smile as much, and you for sure didn’t feel any happiness. But you were sure that after the week away from Monaco, you and Lando would come back stronger and everything would be okay again.

So when you stood with your luggage at the front door, Lando leaned to the wall next to it. You guys didn’t talk and just enjoyed the silence, both lost in your thoughts. When your phone got a notification, your Uber arrived and was ready to pick you up and take you to the airport. You wanted to now do it on your own and almost argued with Lando because you didn’t want him to take you. The week away starts now and he needed to accept that. He did something wrong, even if it wasn’t really his fault but he still met up with her and she was able to kiss him.

”I should go, my Uber is here.“

Lando just nodded and his head sunk, the first tear escaping his eye.

”Baby, please don’t cry. I‘ll see you in a week, you need to focus on your race, I don’t want you crashing just because I‘m home. You can text and call me whenever, it’s not like I‘m dead, I might not react immediately, because I want to do a little phone detox and maybe record some songs but if there’s an emergency, you have my parents' numbers and my siblings. My best friends as well, just focus and get another podium yeah? I‘ll be cheering you on from home.“

”I‘m sorry Y/N. I need you.“

”You have me, always. But just give me a week, let me calm down, and then we‘ll be back to our old selves. We will get over this and we‘ll be fine.“

He nodded and looked at you, his red watery eyes made you feel guilty, but now you needed to think about yourself. So you grabbed the handle of your luggage, put your free hand on his cheek, pressed your lips to his for a kiss, and stepped through the door.

”I love you, Lando, keep me updated.“

”I love you too Y/N. Please be careful.“

”Always.“

So when he closed the door behind you, one tear fell down your cheek but you wanted this and now it’s too late to go back. Your Uber drove you to the airport and you grabbed a mask, sunglasses and pulled your hood up, hoping that no one will notice you or at least recognize you. You loved meeting Lando’s fans but you just wanted to listen to your music while you waited for your flight to board. But luck wasn’t on your side today, while you waited for your flight to board, you saw multiple photographers taking pictures of you and you pulled your hood more into your face hoping they wouldn’t catch a glimpse of your face. You still cried a lot earlier and you did not look like your best self right now.

After your plane finally boarded and left the airport, you took a deep breath. Ready to relax at home with your family.

f1gossip

22,827 likes

Y/N was seen in the Airport! We don’t know where she is going but she clearly does not wanna be recognized. People that waited in line with her said, that she cried the whole time while waiting. Is our favorite couple now actually over? We have no confirmation, but we‘ll update you, when we know something

two days later

/////////////////////////////

You smiled when you left the plane, you had missed Lando terribly over the last week. That showed you how you guys were meant to be.

Your new song ’Reckless’ was a banger, everybody loved it, little did they know you already wrote a new one.

Lando told you, that he would wait for you in the entrance hall and drive you back home.

So when you got your luggage and went to the entrance hall you searched for the familiar face. But you just spotted a huge bouquet of flowers and behind them, was his beautiful grinning face. So you run the last meters to him and embracing him in a tight hug, hearing the sounds of cameras clicking, you didn’t care, you needed to feel him close to you. So when you broke the hug and looked into each other's eyes, you kissed. Just a quick one, you didn’t want to have a make-out session on the internet.

”I am so happy to be back“, you whispered in his ear.

”You have no idea how much I missed you. Let’s go home, I wanna show how much I missed you.“

f1gossip

25.729 likes

Lando and Y/N at the airport! Y/N arrived back in town a week after leaving, Lando waited with a huge bouquet for her and they shared this bone crashing hug after seeing the other. So is our otp back again? We hope that they‘re happy!

y/nusername added to their story!

Boy, I heard my name's on the tip of your tongue

You knew how badly Lando wanted to call you every day when you were in your home country. He texted you every morning that he wished you were next to him. Reporters tried not to ask Lando about the rumors but it was almost impossible. He just wanted to scream in everybody’s face that you guys were good and didn’t break up.

And I'm empty too, if that is what you want

But the truth is, you weren’t better. Your mum wanted you to leave asap, the crying of how much you missed him became unbearable for your family.

And I looked into your eyes and you're the one

When you FaceTimed and saw him, you knew he was the one. He was your love, your person, your everything.

That I wanted, baby, that I wanted, baby, that I wanted

You wanted him so bad, no, you needed him. You needed him because without him you couldn’t really function.

It's a haunting, baby, that I'm wanting

Baby, that I'm wanting, wanting you

Haunting, baby, that I'm wanting, baby, that I'm wanting

It scared you how much you wanted him. You sat late at night on your childhood bed and thought about the first time you brought Lando here. Everybody loved him and accepted him into the family. You needed him and it was scary.

And I lose my mind tonight over you

Thinking back to the time, you started fuming. How the press played such a big role in the whole thing, they made you believe things that weren’t even true.

Devil in a dress, I'ma love you like I do

You still loved him, even when all the ugly articles and rumors started to come up, you still loved him.

Follow the white rabbit to see the truth

You talked with Lando and he showed you what really happened. With all the stupid rumors, you believed him. The articles were a way to distract you, to show you the wrong way, to believe the wrong people but in the end, you saw the truth.

And my patience is now setting like the sun

When Lando arrived back on Monday, you had a panic attack but you were also impatient. Wanting to hear what he had to say, what really happened, whether it would be good or not.

When my tears fall on your lap, we've just begun

You don’t remember the attack you had, but Lando later told you how you cried in his arms while he tried to calm you down. It was the beginning of the conversation, what a great start. Not.

And by now, I know the damage has been done

The time will never be able to be reversed. Nothing can and will ever repair the scars you got from this. He still hung out with a girl while you sat lonely in your shared flat. It happened and you can’t do anything to undo it.

That I wanted, baby, that I wanted, baby, that I wanted

It's a haunting, baby, that I'm wanting

Baby, that I'm wanting, wanting you

Haunting, baby, that I'm wanting, baby, that I'm wanting

Lando told you, that he was scared of how much he missed and wanted you to come home. You laughed about it, feeling the exact same. It was scary how your minds were connected and felt the same as the other one was feeling.

Follow the white rabbit to see the truth

You were glad how things worked out. That showed you how strong your relationship is, that even after this scandal, you still found your way back to each other. It also showed you how important talking with each other was. Talking is key and you are glad you are in a relationship where you talk about things.

———————————————————————————

taglist: @mrsmaybank13

[upon-a-starry-night]

Number Neighbors Pt.20

Natasha Romanoff x Fem! Reader

Natasha Masterlist Series Masterlist

Word Count: 1.2k

Summary:  When you catch sight of the newest trend going around you know you’re all but bound to at least try it, it was harmless anyway. What could possibly stem from something so little?

----

When you’re finally released from the hospital they send you home with a list of instructions on how to take care of your wound and some medication. You sigh in relief at the sight of your apartment, it wasn’t the most extravagant place but it was comfortable and familiar, and you had actual food here. 

Tired of hospital food, you head straight for the kitchen when you spot the roses Leon had sent you. They’re still fresh and it doesn’t feel right to just throw them out considering you two ended on a good note. Instead, you set your bouquet from Nat on the counter and take apart the roses from Leon. You individually wrap them in some leftover tissue paper and despite your stomach grumbling you head back out of your apartment. 

You head to the park closest to your house and begin handing the roses out to random strangers you pass. An old lady sitting by herself, a man and his dog, and a group of women walking down the sidewalk. The deed makes you feel good about yourself and the smiles on their faces help remind you of all the good things in life. 

It’s a reminder you need after what happened.

You go to hand the last rose to a woman sitting on a bench on her phone when she looks up and you realize you recognize her

“Y/n! Oh my god!” You smile down at your coworker and her face lights up when you hand her the rose. “This is so sweet, thank you” You’re prepared to bid her a good weekend and leave when she stops you, grabbing your arm. 

“Wait- okay this might be kind of short notice but there’s this party coming up in a week and I really don’t want to go alone- plus you promised me we’d start hanging out” 

You do vaguely remember promising one of your coworkers that you two would start hanging out after you bonded over workplace struggles. Parties aren’t normally your thing but she’s got this bright and hopeful look in her eyes and honestly, you could probably use the socialization.

Shrugging, you figure it wouldn’t hurt to go, your habit of spending your weekends cuddled up with your TV and your snacks had been less and less appealing these past months anyway. 

“Sounds like fun! Will you text me the details?” She nods excitedly and hugs you and it makes you think of your mother. She would be so excited to hear how outgoing you’ve become and you can’t help but think it was all because of Nat. Not because she told you to go out (Although she did so very often), but because her presence just seemed to have that impact. Her sass and humor pulled you out of the slump that you’d been stuck in for what felt like forever. In the past few months, you’ve done things you hadn’t done in years and it felt amazing. 

You waved goodbye to your coworker with the promise of texting her more often and headed home. 

You didn’t know why but you had a feeling everything was going to change next weekend.

~~~~~~~

You weren’t panicking. You weren’t. You just hadn’t been to a party in a long time and your coworker definitely forgot to mention just how fancy the dress code was and now she was coming in half an hour to pick you up and you had no idea what to wear.

So obviously after a 5 minute mini-panic attack, you opened your phone to text Nat

        Nat🔪:

Y/n🍦:

I’m having a crisis

Nat🔪:

Typical.

What’s going on?

Y/n🍦:

I have a party tonight and

I’m told it’s very fancy

Nat🔪:

Look at you socializing!

Y/n🍦:

Har Har

Don’t patronize me

Nat🔪:

So what’s the problem?

If you need to brush up on 

Pop culture or recent celebrity drama

I am NOT the person to ask.

Y/n🍦:

Noted.

I need help finding an outfit

and you sounded like someone 

with impeccable style

Nat🔪:

If I knew calling you was all I had to 

do to get you to compliment my style 

I would’ve done it a lot sooner.

Y/n🍦:

I’m pretty sure all my fancy clothes 

have dust on them.

Nat🔪:

I’m surprised you have any at all.

What have you got?

Y/n🍦:

Well, I’ve got a red dress, a gold strapless one,

and a black one with a thigh slit.

Nat🔪:

Black. Definitely. 

Y/n🍦:

I should’ve guessed that’s what you’d choose.

Emo.

Nat🔪:

Rude. black goes with everything okay?

And it hides drink stains ;)

Y/n🍦:

…okay you might have a point.

But now the real crisis-

Gold or silver jewelry.

Nat🔪:

Show me your options.

Y/n🍦:

Sure!

*Images Attached*

Nat🔪: 

Definitely that silver bracelet.

And the pearl earrings.

Is that dust on your jewelry box, Y/n?

Y/n🍦:

No! Shut up!

For good measure, you send her a picture of your middle finger, to which she responds with an emoji with its tongue sticking out. It makes you chuckle until you see the time and frantically begin scrambling around your room to grab stuff for your shower. Not to mention you had to find a way to cover up your healing shoulder wound. You send Nat another brief text as the water is warming up since you know you probably won’t get the chance to text her until after the party.

      Nat🔪:

Y/n🍦:

I’ve got to get ready but

Thanks for your help, Nat<3

Nat🔪:

Of course.

Have a good time, Y/n ❤️

—-----

Nat had all but gotten used to the fluttering feeling she felt when she texted you until that damn phone call. Everything in her had been screaming at her not to do it, that you would recognize her voice and everything would fall apart. But after what happened to you she knew both of you needed it, maybe her more than you.

It was brief. So brief.

She was trying so hard to show you her authentic self while still making sure you didn’t recognize her but more of her actual voice slipped out than she intended. She couldn’t help it, she lost all train of thought when she heard your voice.

She loved the way you said her name. She could hear you say it a million times over but the call was cut short by her gift to you arriving. She didn’t mind though, not when you sent her photos of your flowers every day with cute captions like “longest I’ve ever kept anything alive!!” and “they still smell so good!?” and she won’t even mention the backflip her heart did when you sent her a picture of the dying flowers you pressed to keep them for longer.

She was glad you liked them. She was glad about everything when it came to you. She’d never consider herself an optimist but you were definitely changing her perspective on life.

Her mind drifted to the party you were going to tonight and she briefly wondered if it was the same one she was expected to show up to tonight, but it was a Friday night in New York and there was no way out of the hundreds of parties tonight you two would happen to be at the same one. Not to mention she didn’t see your name on Stark’s guest list. 

She sighed as she read your goodbye and looked to her closet. It was about time she got ready for her own party. God knows what Stark would have her doing this time, it was better to prepare for these things early.

Pt.21

A/n: Q& A in the comments while we wait for the most anticipated chapter of this series?~ Starry

---Taglist--

@marvelwomen-simp @cd-4848 @wandanatlov3r @rebeltombraider @ctrlamira @fxckmiup @aliherreraaa @natsxwife @la-douler-ne-finite-jamais @romanoffsgal @moistblobfish @natashaswife4125 @elenimoris @how-to-disappearrr @screechcat @toouncreativeforausername @ordelixx @autorasexy @blacklightsposts @vmpnano @jono723 @sylencr @saraaahsstuff @autorasexy @gay4hotmilfs

[writeforfandoms]

Born for Greatness 2

Find the series masterlist

For those of you who liked the world building: Good news! We’ve got lots of it this time. Plus we get to see Soap and Gaz’s shifted forms. 

Warnings: Brief violence, anti-shifter rhetoric, non-graphic injuries, non-graphic violence, swearing. 

Word count: 3k

It took a few days to get the scheduling pinned down, but you managed it. You also watched every time the pack worked or trained with the soldiers, keeping an eye out for any other malcontents. Fortunately, you seemed to only have a handful of those to deal with. You got the requisition forms sent in. 

And then you defaulted to the normal etiquette, which you’d had to teach dozens of times already. 

“There are really only a few rules you’ll need to remember,” you told the first group. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to teach you the history of the world part one.” A few of them laughed at that, and you grinned. “Okay. First thing to remember: staring them in the eyes is a challenge. You do not want to do that. Pick another point on their face - forehead or nose, or even chin. Shows you’re paying attention without accidentally challenging anyone.” 

“I thought that was for dogs,” one bold soldier piped up. 

You wiggled one hand back and forth in a ‘so-so’ motion. “In actual canines, yes. In shifters, it’s more complicated. They’ve developed some of their own social norms, including eye contact. Besides, this is a general etiquette class, not specific to the pack residing here currently. Some shifters don’t give a shit about eye contact. Others are very picky about it.” You shrugged. “These are best practices.” 

The soldier who’d piped up nodded, apparently content for now. 

“Next rule–and this one is arguably more important, so pay attention.” You paused a moment to stare at the class. “Do not touch without permission.” 

There were a couple incredulous scoffs, a bit of confusion, but mostly dawning understanding.

“I know it’s tempting,” you continued. “Especially with the canine shifters. They look friend-shaped! They are not friend-shaped. Without permission. You always, always ask permission first.” You paused again. “Or else you end up like one idiot I knew who lost two fingers.” 

“Two?” someone yelped. 

“Uh huh.” You sighed in remembered exasperation. “I was with a friend who had shifted, and this idiot thought my friend was a dog and decided to pet him. My friend is not a dog. He’s a wolverine.” 

“Wait,” one of them started with a little bit of panic. “You’re friends with a wolverine shifter?!”

“Sure am,” you agreed with pride. “He’s a grumpy bastard, but I’m stuck with him now.” 

There was a new level of respect in their eyes as they looked at you. You tried not to let it go to your head.

“So what are the other rules?”

“Just one more, really. This one is usually the hardest for people to follow.” You paused, tapping your fingers against your thigh. “If any of the shifters go feral, do not, for any reason, raise a weapon against them. Not a tranq gun, not a nerf gun, not a knife. Nothing.”

“Not even to defend ourselves?” This one sounded incredulous.

“Chances are good that they will recognize you as… pack-adjacent, is the best way to put it. They work with you every day, they’ll recognize you by scent, if nothing else. As long as you don’t start acting aggressive, they won’t either. They’ll be focused on whatever set them off.” You shrugged. “So don’t be the idiot to send them feral, and don’t be aggressive. This is also only if they go feral, which is not likely.” 

“What if they attack us?” This was one of the ones who was on the fence. You’d kind of hoped she’d speak up. 

“Defend yourself if you have to.” You shrugged. “It is highly unlikely that they will attack without provocation, even when feral. Best practice when a shifter goes feral is to back off.”

“You ever dealt with a feral shifter?” The same woman, meeting your gaze almost challengingly. 

“I have.” You smiled gently. “My wolverine friend, for one. And I’ve assisted in more than a dozen feral incidents over the years.” 

Another ripple of respect passed through the crowd. You spotted Gaz and Soap hanging out just outside the door and grinned. 

“Like I said, these are best practice kind of rules. I will be watching to see if you implement them.”

“What happens if we don’t?” The man who asked sounded very tentative. Good. 

“I hand over a list of names to the Lieutenant and let him decide what to do with you.” You shrugged. 

That got them to shut up very fast, and you dismissed the lot of them. You noticed with pleased satisfaction that many of them remembered not to look the two shifters in the eye. 

“Well, that seemed easy,” Soap said, walking up to you and draping one arm over your shoulders. 

“You really have a wolverine friend?” Gaz asked, waiting until Soap had walked you out of the room to fall in on your other side, leaving you bracketed between the two.

On the one hand, this was a good sign of acceptance. On the other hand… this felt like mischief. “I sure do,” you agreed. “And he really is a grouchy bastard.”

“So he’s your pack?” The question was playful, but the look in Soap’s eyes was entirely serious. 

You frowned. “Not… exactly?” You wrinkled your nose, trying to figure out how much to tell them. “He’s packless by choice, but he says I’m the closest he’ll get.” 

The two exchanged a look over your head. “But you still do this,” Gaz pried gently. 

“Well, yeah. He’s got his life, I’ve got mine. I go visit him when he calls, sometimes he shows up at my apartment for a few days.” You looked between the two and then sighed. “We are not involved, romantically or physically.” 

They both looked sheepish, which meant that had been what they’d been wondering about. 

“And what mischief are you trying to drag me into?” You frowned, looking around. You didn’t recognize this area of the base. This… could be bad.

“Not mischief,” Soap immediately protested. “We’re showin’ you around!”

“Ah yes, the tour with no sign posts, no running commentary, and ominous dragging of a victim between you two,” you drawled. “Definitely showing me around.” 

Gaz laughed. “This one,” he said to Soap, stepping ahead to open a door into a quiet courtyard. Somehow, there was a natural space here, left to grow as it liked, completely surrounded by the buildings. A single tree grew in the middle of the courtyard, leaves swaying in the breeze. 

“Oh yeah,” you muttered, looking around. “Feeling totally safe here.” 

“You’ll see.” Gaz shot you an amused look before he started stripping. You looked pointedly up at the tree, even as Soap laughed at your modesty and started stripping as well. 

A soft woof let you know it was okay to look, so you did. 

A dog was standing next to you, tail wagging. A Belgian Malinois, if you remembered right. (You were less up to date on dog breeds, to your very private dismay.) He woofed again, tail wagging a little faster. 

And beyond him was a wolf, gray with a black saddle and lighter gray underside. The wolf wagged his tail slowly, carefully. 

“You two are trouble,” you said, though you couldn’t stop your grin as you lowered yourself to sit on the ground. “What, your LT showed off so now you get to do the same?” 

Soap, the malinois, woofed again and sat in front of you. Gaz sauntered over too, sitting next to Soap and showing off the size difference between them. The wolf was definitely bigger. 

“Yes, you’re very handsome boys,” you agreed, grinning. “And if your Alpha asks, this was your idea, not mine.” 

“That I’ll believe.”

You gasped, nearly falling over at the sudden voice behind you but for Soap darting forward to brace you. “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” you groaned, hanging your head. “How the fuck are you so quiet?” 

“Habit.” Price still didn’t look apologetic as he stepped around you and Soap, lowering himself to sit next to Gaz instead. “How did the first class go?”

You shrugged, sitting upright again. But Soap stayed pressed against your side. “Well, I think. They paid attention, at least. I’ve got one more class today, and I’ll be watching to see if they actually take the lessons to heart.”

Price nodded, not shifting even as Gaz draped himself across his Alpha’s lap. And if that wasn’t a good visual of just how big Price was… That could be distracting. You swallowed and looked at Soap instead. 

“May I touch you?” you asked him softly. Sure, he’d initiated, but you didn’t want to presume.

He shoved his head under your hand, unsubtly asking for each skritches, and you laughed quietly as you obliged. 

“He’s a right menace,” Price said, pulling your gaze back to him. “Won’t leave you alone if you don’t put him in his place.”

“I’ll make sure to let him know if he gets annoying.” You smiled, smoothing your hand down Soap’s back. 

Price snorted softly but stayed quiet, watching you carefully. He was still wary. Which was fair. Honestly, you hadn’t expected this much acceptance from Soap and Gaz, not so quickly. But they were both younger still, and probably just happy to have a new person to play with. Canine shifters especially were more accepting. 

Gently, you nudged Soap away from you. “I need to get some coffee before the next group,” you said, patting the top of his head. You paused, gaze darting to Price’s eyes and then up. “Alpha.”

He nodded once, dismissing you silently, and you pushed yourself to your feet, brushing off your backside as you went back inside. 

The second class went just as well as the first, and you took a brief break to check on the rec room. Popcorn seemed to go fast, which you noted down, and a few other snacks. You made sure to add those to the base grocery list, marking them specifically for the pack. 

That done, you checked on the status of your requisitions. Then you made a couple phone calls regarding those requisitions. 

And by the time you were done with that, it was late, and you hadn’t eaten yet. Grumbling a little, you dragged yourself to the mess. 

Dinner was silent and solitary, again. Not that you really minded. You were able to respond to some texts from friends and previous packs, enjoying checking in with people. 

The walk back to your room was quiet but not solitary. Ghost appeared out of nowhere and fell into step next to you. You waited to see if he’d talk first, if he’d ask you for something, but he didn’t. Just walked with you. 

So you paused at the door to your room, looking at him. “Something I can help you with?” 

“Why do you do this?” Ghost crossed his arms over his chest, looming over you. 

“Help people? Or help shifters?” You raised one eyebrow at him. 

“Both.”

You huffed. “I like this job,” you told him, mirroring his posture, even though you could hardly loom over him. “It’s satisfying. It’s something I’m pretty good at. I like making connections and getting to know people. And it’s easier for me to go between packs than it would be for a shifter.” 

For several moments, the two of you stood silently, you carefully not meeting his gaze but otherwise holding your ground. 

Then he scoffed. “Good way to get hurt.”

Anger flashed, hot and bright, and you breathed through it. “I am well aware of that.” 

He grunted once, having clearly scented your anger. But he didn’t push further, turning and striding away. 

You breathed out, watching him until he rounded a corner. Then you shook yourself out and locked yourself in your room.

You still had work to do.

It took three more days to get to the last group of soldiers. This was the group you were worried about - Keyes and his second-in-command, Martinez, were in this group. They’d be the hardest to work with. 

Sure enough, you’d gotten no further than the first rule when there was a loud scoff. Keyes stepped forward, right to the unofficial barrier between you and your temporary students. 

“A man should be able to meet eyes when giving orders,” Keyes said, cocky and brash.

“I suppose that depends on how you define respect.” You remained calm, watching him with a polite little smile. 

“It’s basic courtesy,” Keyes spat.

“Basic courtesy changes from place to place.” You kept your gaze focused on his nose. It was a little too big for his face, honestly. “There is no singular universal set of rules.” 

“Sounds like a load of shite to me.” He stepped into your space, staring down at you in challenge. 

“Be that as it may, your superiors have ordered you to attend however many classes I deem necessary.” Your smile turned distinctly sweet. “How many times would you like to retake this class?” 

“You’re bluffing.” Keyes was eyeing you now, a little wary. 

You pulled out your phone and pulled up the screenshot you’d taken of the email with the orders detailing that you had to pass every soldier on base (including the pack) to be cleared to continue working there. “I’m afraid the higher ups take on-base safety very seriously.”

Keyes turned an interesting shade of mauve. “You really think that’ll work?” he asked, shoulders tight, hands clenched at his sides.

“I think if the shifters bother you that much, you need to transfer out. They’re not going anywhere.” You refused to back down, putting your phone away again. 

“That’s not fair,” Martinez protested, quickly joining Keyes. “We all worked hard to be here!” 

You shrugged. “Then I suggest you work hard to move past whatever prejudice you have.” 

Keyes gave you no warning. Just stepped into your space, hand grabbing your upper arm tight. Tight enough to hurt. “You’re butting in where you’re not wanted,” he murmured, low and vicious. “I suggest you pass us, or face the consequences.” 

“Let go of me.” You spoke slowly and clearly, heart pounding, not willing to show that he was actually hurting you. 

“Sign off and I will.” Keyes tried to loom over you. Physically, he could, but he had nowhere near the presence that the shifters did. 

You were just drawing in a breath to berate him and figure out what the hell to do, tension crackling through the room, the other soldiers shifting uneasily, when Price strode in. His upper lip lifted in a silent snarl, and he’d crossed the room and had his hand wrapped tight around Keyes’s wrist before you could say anything.

“Assaulting a civilian this time?” Price growled, low, banked violence in his tone. 

Keyes turned his head and met Price’s gaze head on. The tension thickened between the two as Price’s eyes slowly darkened from blue to brown. 

Keyes was trying to provoke a shift, you realized with horror. He was going to try to get Price declared unfit for duty.

So you did the first thing that came to mind. You slapped your free hand over Keyes’s eyes and pushed hard, forcing his head back to expose his throat. 

You’d forgotten about Martinez. The slightly smaller man tackled you, sending you sprawling to the ground, with the likely unintended side effect of sending Keyes with you. You landed hard and then coughed as Keyes elbowed your solar plexus on his way down. Your lungs froze, refusing to draw in air for a few long seconds until you coughed and wheezed in a breath. Somehow, in those few seconds you’d been incapacitated, Gaz and Soap had both shown up and were restraining Keyes and Martinez. 

“You broken?” Price asked, crouching by your head.

“They wish,” you wheezed, pushing yourself up to sit slowly. “Ow.” 

Price silently helped you to your feet, doing a quick visual inspection of you. You let him, indulging his instincts. 

“Think you’ll need a statement from me?” you asked, not even bothering to look at Keyes and Martinez.

“If you feel up to it.” 

“Let’s get it over with,” you agreed on a sigh. “The rest of you, I’ll let you know when your make-up class is.” 

Price escorted you out, walking you down to an office to get everything down on paper. You refused a medic, knowing you’d bruise but there wasn’t much to be done for that. 

And once that was done you leaned back in your seat, resting your eyes for a moment. “Have to admit, I didn’t expect them to get violent,” you muttered, lifting one hand to rub your temples. 

“Neither did I.” There was something like regret in the curl of his lips when you opened your eyes to look at him.

“No blaming yourself.” You pointed sternly at him. “This is part of my job. This happens sometimes. Some people are prejudiced, and that is not on you. Got it?” 

His lips twitched with humor this time. “Yes ma’am.” 

You scoffed but stood with a little wince. Your head was really aching now. 

“One more thing, before you go.”

“Yes?” You stood a little straighter. 

“Timeline got pushed up on a mission. We’ll be going to another base for a week, approximately.” His expression was blank as he looked at you.

“And I’ve been ordered to go with.” You breathed out slowly. It made sense. You could run interference when necessary, maybe have a chance to educate a few more people, help smooth some things over. “Okay. When are we leaving?”

“Wheels up at 0800 tomorrow morning.” 

That did make you groan softly. That wasn’t a lot of prep time. “Right. Um, where do I meet you?” 

Price huffed softly, though you couldn’t tell if he was amused or disapproving. Or both. “I’ll have Gaz escort you if you can be ready by 0730.”

“Can do.” You nodded to him (carefully) and left his office. You had a few things to do now, after all. 

Packing, fortunately, didn’t take all that long. You snuck a few snacks in your duffel, in case you (or one of the pack) needed them. 

And then you went to the rec room and folded the blanket, stuffing it in its own bag. Also just in case. 

By the time you made it back to your room, your energy was waning. You dropped both bags next to your door, set an alarm on your phone, and collapsed into bed.

[amyispxnk]

My Kind of Woman

Chapter 4: Route D.

Series Masterlist || Previous Chapter

Series summary - Your song captivates Joel the second he hears you that night in Jackson, but he struggles to work up the courage to confess his feelings. With some (very heavy) encouragement from Ellie and Tommy, you two get closer and closer until he finally thinks he’s ready.

Chapter summary - A mistake from Tommy brings the two of you closer together once more.

A/N: yall know i couldnt let reader and joel be apart for longer than one chapter lmao

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word count: 3.6k (woo she’s a big one)

Warnings: language, violence, firearms/weapons, blood, fluff, slight angst, panic attack, the tiniest smidge of some dirty thoughts

DO NOT COPY THIS FIC IN ANY WAY PLS AND TY.

Your day starts off simple. You wake up, brush your teeth, drink some coffee as you watch the sun rise. Then, you wash your mug and head upstairs to-

Loud, incessant banging startles you as you stop in your tracks, turning to the door.

You hear Ellie’s voice from the other side and immediately rush to open it, eyes wide as you take in her dishevelled appearance and the sight of Joel beside her.

“Hey.” She smiles sheepishly, knowing you probably don’t want to see him right now.

“I knew you wouldn’t come out if you heard Joel was here, so.. yeah. Anyway! Some shit happened and they need you to come to the clinic with us.”

You’d only been half paying attention after you realised her little trick to get you and Joel in proximity again, but your head snapped up when she mentioned the clinic.

“The clinic? Why? What’s going on?” You say hurriedly, already pulling a jacket on.

“Tommy, he-” Joel starts, and you look up at him. He’s surprised when you seem ready to listen, not cutting him off or ignoring him.

You raise your eyebrows and he clears his throat, continuing.

“He got hurt on patrol.”

You tense up, about to make a break for the clinic when he places a gentle hand on your shoulder, stopping you. You try not to shudder at the contact.

“He’s fine. It wasn’t too bad, we made it back here in time.. But his leg got kind of fucked up and he can’t go on patrol for a few weeks, at best.” He says after letting go of you, the three of you all walking towards the clinic now.

“Okay. Okay.” You mutter, exhaling shakily as you try to calm yourself down.

You and Tommy were friends even before Joel came into the equation, but after you and Joel had your little.. disagreement, Joel was constantly asking about you. First he pestered Ellie, and when she got fed up with it and told him to ‘just man up and ask her, dude’, he went to Tommy.

Tommy then started checking up on you and hanging out with you a little more, and, despite the reason he was doing it, the two of you were now pretty good friends.

Your nose wrinkles as the three of you finally get inside the clinic, the stale smell of chemicals and drying blood invading your nostrils.

A nurse by the door recognises you almost immediately, taking you to see Tommy. To be fair, he doesn’t look that bad. But he’s definitely paler than normal and he’s not got that stupid grin on his face like he always does.

You stand at the door, unsure if you should even really be here, now that you think about it. The rest of these guys - Maria, Joel, Ellie - are practically family to him, and you’re just you. Why am I here? You find yourself muttering, ready to turn and leave when Tommy greets you in a weak voice.

“Hey.” You say, putting on a brave face. The others step back, having already been with Tommy for a while when he got back. Maria still clutches his hand tight, though.

“What did you do this time?” You tease, smirking as you sit beside him.

“You’re sayin’ that like it’s my fault.” He argues, to which you just raise your brows.

“Okay, it was my fault.” He mutters, going on to explain how he was too busy ‘yappin’ about somethin’ or other’ to Joel whilst they were on what was supposed to be an easy patrol. The fact that it was an ‘easy’ patrol meant that he was a lot more carefree about it, turning the corner and running straight into a group of raiders.

He laughs about it now, but it was definitely one of the scariest moments in his life. He barely had a second to think before a shot was fired, straight into his thigh. Afterwards, his assailant kicked him in the same leg and brought him to his knees. Joel rushed in, met with the sight, and let his instincts take over.

Something about the way they just trail off after that tells you it wasn’t pretty.

“Anyhow.. Joel brought me back and they patched me up, good as new!” Tommy says, managing a little humour as he points at his very limp and bruised leg.

You just nod, giving him another (fake, but hopefully) reassuring smile.

Joel clears his throat as he steps beside you.

“Tommy was originally my patrol partner but, uh, since he’s clearly not in the state to do that, he wanted you to join me instead.” He says, trailing off uncomfortably.

You still, taking the words in.

It’s been a good month now, and the hurt of what Joel did to you has mostly blown over.

Maybe this would be a good chance for the two of you to start over? If he really was just scared to take things any further, maybe this is how you figure out why.

“Okay.” You nod, and he lets out a sigh of relief.

Tommy gives him an ‘I told you so’ look, before turning to you.

“Next patrol is on Thursday afternoon, so just take it easy ‘til then. The route isn’t as easy as the one we just did.” He says, getting a small chuckle out of you since clearly the route did not turn out to be as easy as he thought.

“Okay, Tommy, thank you. Get better soon.” You say, before leaving him with his family and returning back home.

–

This time, it’s Thursday morning, and your routine goes along smoothly. You get dressed and head out to the Jackson market, needing to restock on some supplies before patrol since you haven’t been on one for a while now.

After lunch, you make your way to the armoury and pick up your weapons - a revolver, a rifle, and a knife you put in your holster.

You make your way to the stables, where you find Joel with his horse. You don’t know how to greet him so you just go over to your own mare, May, brushing her hair and feeding her an apple.

“Hey.” He finally chokes out from the other side of the room.

“Hey.” You say, a little softer. It’s the first time in ages that the two of you have been alone together, and the first time you’ve actually been ready to talk to him normally again.

“You ready to get goin’?” You ask after another beat of silence, to which he nods. The two of you set off down the river path on Route D, where a horde of runners was supposedly closing in near one of the checkpoints.

It started off as almost complete silence, save for the sound of your horses’ hooves and the occasional birdsong drifting through the air, but then you decided to bite the bullet and try to start a conversation with him.

“So! How’ve you been?” You say at last. You know it’s probably the most basic conversation starter ever used in the history of forever, but you do genuinely want to know what he’s been up to recently.

“Umm… fine. Not got much goin’ on, you know how it is.” He mutters, still unable to fully meet your gaze.

You nod, pursing your lips and glancing around as you search for something else to say, feeling the awkwardness clawing its way back to the surface with every passing second.

Joel surprisingly solves the problem for you.

“Actually- it’s probably really boring, but, uh, I finished up a pretty big woodworking project last week. ‘s for Ellie’s birthday.”

“What was it?” You ask, intrigued by this new fact you’ve learnt about him. He does so much with his hands.. guitar, building, shooting, and now woodworking. For a guy with such big fingers he sure does a lot of intricate work with them. What else could he do with them? You know you’ve been having that thought a lot recently, despite not talking to him for ages. Maybe that’s why you’d been thinking about him so much, especially in your bed at night-

“Turtle duck.” He says, breaking you from your reverie, and you giggle softly.

“A turtle duck? Like, from that cartoon?”

He tries to prevent his heart from bursting at the sight of your smile and the sound of your laugh, knowing he too caused it, but it doesn’t work.

“Yeah, yeah. She found one of the comic books and, even though she’s still hooked on them Starlight ones, she thinks they’re pretty cool. Thought she might like it.” He says, fondness in his tone as he speaks of her, and it makes your heart want to burst too. He’s such a good father to her. If he is her father. You’re still not completely sure. You want to find out but you don’t know a way to say it, so you push it to the back of your mind for now.

“When is her birthday? I feel horrible for not knowing, but..” you ask.

“No, don’t worry ‘bout it. It’s in a few weeks, July 23. Told me she never knew her birthday so I let her pick one, and of course she chose that comic lady’s one.” He grumbles playfully, making you laugh once more.

“Well, I gotta get a gift for her then. What do you think she’d like? I know she’s into comics, but you already claimed that, and there’s also the guitar.. But that’s all I got.” You hum, brows furrowing as you try to think of something.

“Well, we could always find some stuff for her guitar. There’s another patrol route I’d go on with Tommy, and we passed this old music store ‘bout a month ago. I reckon we could go and clear it, pick up some stuff.” He says, and you beam at him.

“That sounds perfect! Thank you, Joel. You’re sure she’d like it?”

“I know she would. From people she cares about, she appreciates even the thought. She’ll love it, sweetheart.” He smiles, not even realising the pet name he’d let slip.

You feel the heat in your cheeks, and bite back a stupid grin of your own when you realise that maybe things are going to be back to normal again.

–

After about another hour of scattered chatter and comfortable silence, you near the checkpoint. Sure enough, you spot mauled carcasses and shattered glass windows along the way, together with some other classic signs of infected inhabitants. If that wasn’t enough, you hear the telltale gurgling cries of the creatures, and fall back slightly to devise a plan and stow the horses somewhere safe.

“We gotta be smart about this. Smart and fast, and quiet.” Joel begins, leaving no time to mess around. “We don’t know how many are in there, and we don’t know if there are clickers ‘n’ whatnot with ‘em, so we gotta take out as many runners as possible without making a sound. Then we work on any clickers. Got it?” He asks, finally looking back up at you.

“Yeah. Jus’ needa make some more shivs and then we can get going.” You reply, taking your backpack off to get the supplies you need and starting to make a few, hoping you won’t need them but knowing you probably will. It’s not common to get a horde of runners without a handful of clickers thrown in there.

“Okay, I’m ready.” You say as you stand back up, zipping your jacket up and making sure the collar covers your neck. It’s a precaution you take which has really saved you from getting bitten there before. Such a simple thing, you wonder why it’s not a common practice by now.

He nods, and you exit the garage, securing any doors before heading over to the overrun buildings. There are two on the left and three on the right, with a few stragglers further down the road. Joel takes the stragglers on the left, and you take the ones on the right. He always seemed to favour his left, for some reason, even though he was right handed, and it always felt like he didn’t hear you properly when you were on his right. Was he really that old that he was going deaf? You briefly pondered as you met back in the middle to discuss what comes next, wiping the blackened blood off of your blade.

“I reckon we go a building at a time, clear a floor each. That way we can get to eachother quick, if need be, and we don’t get overwhelmed if there turn out to be more than we thought.” He decides, and you agree with him, before the two of you head off to the left buildings of the street. It’s mostly runners, but there were 3 clickers which you had some close calls with. The two of you managed to clear that side, looting the buildings afterwards and making your way to the right.

The first building also goes fine, but you think you notice spores between the first and second ones, holding your hand up and stopping Joel. You make your way back to him, whispering about what you’ve seen, and the two of you pull your gas masks on.

A shaky exhale from you pierces the air as you enter the second building, guns raised, Joel turning left and making his way down the hall, as you take the right.

A runner stands at the end of the hallway, limping around, and you know you need to be fast about this. If it turns around, it’ll scream at the sight of you, and you’ll be dead.

Your swiftness works out as you stab the infected in the throat, but your eyes widen when you realise there’s a clicker directly facing you, about 10 feet away from you.

You find yourself forgetting how to breathe and holding your breath impulsively, but maybe that’s a good thing, since you’d surely be hyperventilating by now if you could.

The corpse starts to grow heavy in your hands, and you muster up all of your strength to half-carry, half-drag, the thing behind the corner of the wall. Of course, the slight shuffling of your footsteps piques the clicker’s curiosity, and you hear the low croaks coming from its mouth as it ambles over towards you, giving you about 5 seconds to come up with a plan.

Your knife. If you can get a good grip on it, then your knife will be able to finish it off for you. But how would you get a grip on it when it’s directly facing you?

No time to question that now, since the clicker is literally right in front of you.

It tenses up, opening its mouth as it gets ready to screech, and you know you have to kill it now.

You rush forward as quickly and quietly as you can, trying not to cry from the sheer fear you're experiencing as its hands reach for you, sidestepping and getting behind it, stabbing it in the neck once, twice, before holding the knife there until it bleeds to death in your hands.

You take a moment to calm your breathing before moving on to the other rooms on your side. Another clicker, which you’re much more prepared for, and 6 runners, all taken down stealthily.

You’re carefully making your way over to Joel’s side when you hear it. A bang, a crash, and the loud, terrifying roar of a bloater.

Holy fuck, you think, this is the day I die. Because you’ve never taken on a bloater before, not many people have, and you don’t know if Joel has either. But you know you have to help him either way. It seems to be in his area, and you just start running, gun out, nothing to lose.

You hear it down a hallway, and dart into a room on the side, hoping it’ll run past you and you can get a shot on it from behind. You, again, try to calm your breathing as the heavy thuds of its footsteps get closer and closer, your body rigid as you clutch your gun tight.

It pauses, and your life flashes before your eyes when you think it starts turning towards you, but it just continues down the hallway.

Then you make what could possibly be the biggest mistake of your life.

You cock your gun.

And the thing roars again, before it’s charging towards you. You scream, you can’t help it, and start running.

You have to get out, find some sort of space so you can actually take a fucking shot at it without dying, but you don’t know how. It’ll charge at you in the time it takes to actually fire a shot, and you’re trying not to cry as you hear it behind you. You turn into a room, dart around, before slowing down and trying to be quiet. It’s a few rooms over, but you can still hear it, and as you try to focus on pinpointing its location, a hand covers your mouth from behind.

You start flailing, about to jam your gun into your attacker’s stomach, when Joel’s low voice whispers in your ear.

“It’s just me. Calm down.” He soothes, slowly releasing you.

You could cry at the sight of him, are surprised you haven’t already, staring at him with wide eyes.

“You ever taken down one of these before?” He asks quietly, nodding towards the direction of the bloater, and you shake your head.

“Okay, well I have, and here’s what we’re gonna do. I’ll come up from behind and fire at it a few times, try hit its legs so it can’t run at us. Then you’re gonna throw one of these at it from the other side, and start firin’ too.” He says, handing you a nail bomb. You were surprised he just had one of these, but you don’t question it right now, taking it from him with shaky hands.

“You gotta be careful with it, okay? Don’t be accidentally settin’ it off or somethin’.” He tells you, and you just nod, eyes still wide. He meets your gaze and softens a little.

“I know you’re scared, darlin’, but just trust me on this.”

“Okay.” You whisper, finally finding your voice.

“Okay.” He repeats, nodding and standing up.

You stand up too and you find the bloater again with him, watching as he approaches it from behind, grabbing the nail bomb and bracing yourself. You have to do this exactly how he said or it won’t work out.

He fires, the bloater screams, and you throw the bomb, wincing as it shakes the entire building with its blast.

You go onto autopilot as you pull out your rifle, firing round after round, trying to kill it before it can charge at either of you, Joel doing the same with his shotgun.

You barely realise the thing is dead as you continue firing, going to reload when you realise it’s gone completely still.

Your body is still rigid and tense when Joel approaches you, lowering your gun and directing your gaze back to him.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” You whisper, voice weak.

“Let’s go, then.” He mumbles, knowing you’re definitely not okay right now.

You loot this building before clearing the last one, it being pretty empty save for the 4 runners you take down, and head back to the horses. You’re still moving on autopilot as you untie your mare when Joel’s palm comes to your shoulder. You jolt at the contact, relaxing a little when you remember it’s just Joel, and he sighs.

“Look at me.” He says, and you turn slowly, chin trembling as you meet his soft gaze.

“Are you okay?” He asks again, slower this time, and you just shake your head as your tears start to fall.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, fuck-” you mutter, wiping your eyes and digging the heel of your palm into them to try stop any more tears, finding yourself starting to hyperventilate and get overwhelmed as all the panic in your body finally gets released.

“It’s okay. C’mere.” He says quietly, opening his arms for you, which you gladly step into.

“It’s okay.” He repeats for you, holding you tight. It grounds you, feeling him like this, warm and big and safe.

The tears eventually stop and you sniffle quietly, pulling back and wiping your face.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, darlin’. It’s scary to take one of those things, even after doing it multiple times. I was real fuckin’ scared too.”

“You were scared?” You murmur, having not sensed that from him at all. Guess that’s just how he was, stoic and determined whenever there’s a threat like that.

“Yeah,” he nods, “didn’t want y- didn’t want either of us gettin’ hurt.” And there it is. He was more scared because he had you to protect, as well. He’s a natural protector, and when it comes to someone that he lov- that he cares about, it makes things ten times scarier for him. Knowing a mistake from him could mess it all up. Like before.

“Well.. thank you. For keeping us safe back there. And for.. this.” You say quietly, wiping your face once more before returning to your mare.

The two of you ride back to town after filling out the log book, in another silence. It isn’t awkward, and Joel knows you probably still need some quiet time to process everything, but he does try talking to you again once you’ve made it back to the stables.

“You alright now?” He asks quietly, as the two of you return your weapons.

“I will be. Thank you, Joel.” You say with a small smile, the most you can manage right now.

“Okay. Good work today, darlin’. I’ll see ya ‘round.” He says, before leaving the room.

Things are going to be okay.

Thank you sm for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated <3

Next Chapter

Tags- @mermaidgirl30 @tuquoquebrute @joelmillerisapunk @pascals-doll @casa-boiardi @konigslittleliebling @xxx-silhouette-xxx @hannah9921 @friskispunk @orcasoul @sarahhxx06

[aftgficrec]

Favorite Neil/Jean or Neil&Jean fics?

In the aftermath of the publication of The Sunshine Court the relationship between Neil and Jean has been put under the spotlight a little more (no spoilers here though!), but there have always been authors who have shown this combo the attention it deserves. In addition, many fics under our raven!neil tag feature friendships or relationships between Neil and Jean. - S

Previously recommended:

Neil Josten & Jean Moreau:

close friends Neil & Jean here

BFFs Jean & Neil here

Neil/Jean tumblr fics and headcanons here

‘Afterthoughts Chapter 68’, ‘Jean, Neil, and Kevin hanging out’ here (plus some more Neil & Jean under previous recs)

‘not very good at this’ here

Neil Josten/Jean Moreau:

Neil/Jean fics here (you can also find a link to our Neil/Jean tag here)

More Jean/Neil fics here

‘we’ll survive, you and i’, ‘Heart on Your Sleeve, Eyes on the Street (the Heart-Eyes Remix)’, and ‘Doves & Ravens’  here

Some of our favourites from previous posts:

Your humble and silky life by moonix [Rated G, 3582 words, complete, 2019, locked]

Jean’s life these days is quiet, uneventful. His best friend has a hopeless crush on the unattainable Minyard, Jean’s colleague at the botanical garden. Jean has a standing appointment every week with the most beautiful woman in the world, who is happily married to someone else—but that’s okay. There’s still Jeremy the waiter, whose smile is the highlight of Jean’s week.

tw: animal death

Black As Is The Raven, He’ll Get A Partner by nekojita [Rated E, 644156 words, complete, 2018]

When Wymack, Kevin and Andrew came to recruit Neil Josten in Millport, Neil decided to say 'no' instead of 'yes' to joining the Foxes and does what he does best, which is run. Unfortunately, that brings him to the attention of the Moriyamas, who return him to his 'rightful' place. Now Neil has to learn how to survive at the Nest with his only ally another 'asset' long kept under Riko's heel.

tw: violence, tw: rape/noncon, tw: dubcon, tw: blood, tw: panic attacks, tw: drug use, tw: alcohol, tw: minor character death, tw: homophobia, tw: involuntary outing

Apart from Your World (A Part of Mine) by ApprenticedMagician [Rated T, 17647 words, complete, Aftg Big Bang 2018, locked]

David is shipping him off to the Isle of Anglesey and, frankly, Neil could use the time and distance away from an ugly break-up that still hasn't smoothed over. The problem is, if he isn't being reminded of his ex (courtesy of working alongside his identical twin brother), then he's being reminded of the mother who abandoned him (courtesy of their assigned patient who suffers the same affliction she once did). All around, it's shaping up to be anything but the trip he signed up for.

tw: references to past abuse

NB: find art for this fic by @llheji here

So Keep Your Heart On Your Sleeve (And Keep Your Eyes On The Streets) by CasTheButler [Rated T, 4162 words, complete, Aftg Winter Exchange 2018]

Cause it's a God damn long drive fall, Back to normality. Jean starts at a new school on a new soccer team, makes some friends, and spends the whole time falling in love with a punk. Written for the 2018 AFTG Winter Exchange.

tw: panic attacks

And here are some fics we haven’t rec’ed yet:

Neil Josten & Jean Moreau:

Je crois en la chance de rejoindre la mer by Elyant [Rated T, 2007 words, complete, 2021, locked]

Part 4 of The Devil Makes Three

Jean has chosen the café whose tables were closest to the large windows overlooking the tarmac. After spending so many years underground and under the harsh fluorescent light of the Nest, he doesn't think he will ever have enough of the natural warmth of the sun. A duffle bag of clothes that are too new to feel like his, the tin of home-baked cookies Renee thrusted into his hands before he left, and a small package wrapped in kraft paper are his only baggage.  He's waiting for a plane from London to land because of a phone call he received a few nights before. He is therefore purposefully two hours too early for the flight that will take him to South California, to meet the team in crimson and gold that will become his family, even if he doesn't know it yet.

tw: implied/referenced abuse

from rain by ratbandaid [Rated T, 62807 words, complete, 2023]

Over time, Jean grew unsure as to why he'd been so intent on running from the mafia. He barely took care of himself and could hardly call whatever he was doing living. After all, he knew that one day, he'll be caught and dragged back, kicking and screaming, to be killed or worse: put back in the hands of Riko Moriyama. But when a snot-nosed, cocky brat, Neil, stumbles into his life, Jean slowly realizes what he's running for.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: violence, tw: nightmares

based on this art by @estavs

NB: This one contains slight spoilers for The Sunshine Court:

epic understatement by LadyTimelessness [Rated T, 335 words, complete, 2024]

he's pissed off that jean had to go through this. they're basically nothing to each other, but damn it, neil wants to crack grayson's skull open that second. faith in the world finally burns out in the fire of disillusionment.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced murder

Neil Josten/Jean Moreau:

Skip the Last Dance For Me (the Trojan Horse remix) by justadreamfox [Rated T, 3572 words, complete, Aftg Remix 2020]

Neil and Jean are free of the Nest, and wearing the Trojan red and gold, but they've still got "normal" life to navigate and friendships (past and present) to juggle. Really, sometimes you just want to be alone with your boyfriend.  Ft. Exy, pizza, and Steven Spielberg.

Nothing Mattered Until You by Lostintheuniverseslies [Rated M, 22497 words, complete, 2023]

On the docks in Marseille, Neil fell in love. But his mother ripped him away and for years he never dared hope to see Jean again. He believed that he would die before ever getting the chance. But when recuperating with his uncle after his father is killed, Neil's chance comes. Unfortunately, he isn't the only one who went through some horrible things over the years. Despite their horrible pasts, they decide to try for a future together. Going to college and even making some friends along the way. But Riko has other plans and wants back what he considers his.

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced domestic violence, tw: stalking, tw: harassment,  tw: dissociation

It's Friday, I'm in love by Greenfallleaves [Rated T, 5834 words, complete, 2023, locked]

The day Neil had found himself pushed into the strong chest of their school’s new student Jean Moreau had been one of his luckiest in hindsight.

Hold my breath in your hands by Greenfallleaves [Rated G, 2154 words, complete, 2023, locked]

Adapting to the world outside the nest hadn’t been easy for either Jean or Neil but now that they had had a few years to get used to it, they got to complain about (i.e. enjoy) spending quality time with their friends.

sleep notes by nanatsuyu [Rated T, 2928 words, complete, 2024, locked]

Neil smokes a joint and discusses the possibility that Kevin is an honest to God vampire.

tw: recreational drug use, tw: implied/referenced abuse

A kiss while someone watches by @stabbyfoxandrew [tumblr, 2024]

Nathaniel never really saw the point of kissing until he was brought to the nest. Or rather, until the first time Jean Moreau backed him up against the wall of their shared dorm during an argument.

Art

Jean & Neil by @ziegenkind094

Raven!neil au - napping by @dawnatlas 

Raven!neil au - partners by @dawnatlas

‘Stitch by stitch, tape and gauze…’ by @dawnatlas

two by @02511213942

Neil and Jean find an empty pool at night by @aminiyard

i believe in jean moreau supremacy by @caraleadraws 

secret santa gift for @nekojitachan by @aminiyard

Hello sunshine court by @estavs

[jooniperbonsai]

Thanks for the Sub (ksj) | Chapter Six

Pairing: Camboy!Seokjin x Gamer!Reader (afab)

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 9k 13.5k (SORRYYYYY)

Release date: October 2, 2024

Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, camboy au, gamer au, comedy, crack, slow burn, coworkers/boss/friends to lovers, an exploration of adults in their late 20s/early 30s

Summary: The intensity between you and Seokjin is building, but there's still some shadows of the past that just won't let you go.

Chapter Warnings: angst, negative/derogatory comments toward sex workers, god so much tenderness I really leaned in with the fluff here huh, more panic attacks, relationship insecurity/fears of inadequacy, dirty talking, praise kink, fingering, handjob, sex toys, little bit of exhibition and voyeurism implied, references to masturbation, references to bdsm, slight bratting, y/n teared up a bit again sorry, 1 slap to the thigh, slight body image issues/allusions to fatphobia, dry humping, god Seokjin is such a simp my god he is so in love what a moron to not realize it, body positivity and normalization of bodies, the honeymoon early relationship period of them constantly wanting to fuck phase is upon us, blowjob, slight implied cum kink? Idk they kinda fixate on it sometimes, lying,

a/n: We are so back! Enjoy the newest chapter. I really needed the break this summer. I was so busy with my job and life happening I barely could do anything except go to work, sleep, stare into the abyss. But things have slowed down a bit so the ideas can really keep flowing. Thanks for your patience in all this. I hope you enjoy! -h

“I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me,” the woman said, rolling a pen between her fingers as she sat on the counter of the kitchen with a clipboard in her lap. 

Seokjin chewed his bottom lip anxiously. There was a late shipment and somehow no one else had shown up in time to receive it. He couldn’t be discussing this now, not when he knew there would be customers arriving any minute while heaps of prep work and inventory needed to be done. 

“There’s nothing I’m not telling you,” he said, reaching behind her for the crate of pears he needed to place in the fridge. 

“Mhm,” the woman hummed. Her head was dipped. Seokjin thought she was you, but something had to be off. “So you’re just going to fuck me like I’m some viewer and then get back to work, is it?” 

He froze in place. “What do you mean?” 

“You know exactly what I mean,” she said, sighing and hopping off the counter. She pushed off with such force the precariously stacked jars and cans all crashed to the floor. “Whoops,” she said, giggling. 

Seokjin’s heart rate picked up, and as he moved to question her further, he heard his cell phone ringing. But in the mess of the kitchen, he couldn’t find it. 

“I can’t talk about this right now,” he said, fishing through the piles of unpackaged chives, which appeared to be doubling in quantity the more he dug. 

Somewhere in the background he heard the front door open. 

“How…did you unlock the front door already?” 

The face came into focus, and as he thought, it was you standing there. You raised an eyebrow. “Um, no?” 

He couldn’t believe this was happening. Why now you were taking on some careless personality that was unlike you? This was something he’d expect from your coworkers but not you. You cared about this place too much. 

“Well there are two people here right now, and I wasn’t the one who left the door unlocked. Can you at least tell them we’re not open?” God, where was his phone? Where was anyone?

“But they’re not here for food,” you said softly, and Seokjin puffed a chest of air, trying to get himself to calm down. 

“Then, what the fuck are they here for?” 

“The show, obviously.” He whipped his head in your direction. You were holding his phone up, smiling wickedly. 

“I don’t know what show you mean!” he practically shouted. “Did you have my phone this entire time and were fucking with me?” 

You laughed, sounding bitter and distant, less like you and more like someone else he knew. 

“You are the one who seems to like to do the fucking with, well everything and everyone else,” you spit. 

“What does that even mea-”

You cut him off, holding your finger to your cupid’s bow and answering his still-ringing phone. 

“Oh, Mrs. Kim, hello. Yes, Seokjin is here, he’s just busy with something. Oh you’re back so soon? Then you’ll have to stop by today. It’s going to be an interesting show.” 

You hung up then tossed his phone aside. Seokjin couldn’t move. Couldn’t get over the rapidly growing pile of chives that were threatening to drown him in their smell. Couldn’t get to his phone quick enough or ask you why you were behaving so cruelly. So cryptically. 

Some of the chives toppled over his head and he lost his balance, following the wave to wherever it would take him next. As he reached up to the surface, he felt himself be jolted outward and he smacked right at the bottom of a pair of shoes. 

“Pathetic,” the owner said, and as he rolled over, Seokjin could see that you were sitting on the counter across the room, where he just had been, looking more like yourself, more worried about him. You didn’t speak however, just watched as he crawled to his knees and pushed up. Seokjin stood, and then realized the owner of the shoes was Soon Yi, who was staring back at him with pure malice. 

“You really couldn’t get your shit together without me, huh? Couldn’t just get a job like everyone else? You ended up being a pornstar and running your parents’ shitty little restaurant?” 

Seokjin’s mouth felt like it was filled with pennies. As he opened to speak, to defend himself, he realized he couldn’t. His mouth was duct taped, and the outfit Soon Yi was wearing was…it was kinky. She had a bra on but it wasn’t really doing much, only went to the curve under the swell of her breasts, and tape x’s covered her nipples. He could see from her exposed abdomen that was also pregnant again, her stomach heavy and taught. She wore some kind of thong, but Seokjin didn’t really want to see how big or small that thing was. Nor was his body reacting to her and the dominatrix type of persona she had undertaken. Was this how she was with her husband, Seokjin’s former boss? Why was she even here?

“It looks like I’ll be taking care of you after all,” she said, and a riding crop that Seokjin swore was never there before was in her hands. “Now be a good dog and sit.” 

His eyes shot to you, and he saw how betrayed you look as he, despite all the restraint he had, fell to his knees for his ex. 

“Good. Now, are you coming or not? There’s so many people waiting for you.”

He tried to shake his head as he kept his focus on you. Wanting to tell you that this wasn’t at all what it looked like, that he had been trying to fight against Soon Yi. 

But he didn’t have control over his body; he couldn't speak. So he left you in the back room, crawling like a dog into the main part of the restaurant which now looked like…his home office? 

At least part of it. The desk chair he sat in often to stream at was in the center of the room and crowds of strangers were there. Seokjin also noticed that he was naked. 

He followed Soon Yi, and scanned the crowd again, this time seeing to his horror his parents had arrived, their shock and disappointment rocking him with so much shame he felt tears spring to his eyes. 

How was everything falling apart? 

Next to his parents, you sat, too. And you were crying, though no one paid you any mind as you shook your head at him as Soon Yi propped him into the chair and turned him toward the crowd. 

“Here he is, ladies and gentleman. Tonight, Jin will be doing a very special performance for you.” She turned around and like magic, she went from holding nothing to Seokjin’s too familiar sparkly pink dildo in her hands. 

His eyes widened. No, he was going to do that here? In front of his family? In front of you? He shook his head again, this time at Soon Yi, who laughed. 

“What? I’m just doing you a favor. Just letting everyone see who you really are.” 

He was hard now, despite himself. Soon Yi laughed again. 

“I guess someone should take care of that for you,” she said, and Seokjin felt her reach down and squeeze his length. He hated that her doing that made him moan. It was churning his stomach to even think of. 

“I’m not going to fuck you,” she said, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Thank god. 

“Y/N, come here.” Seokjin wasn’t sure how Soon Yi knew you, how she even knew he streamed, but none of that mattered to him as his dick throbbed at the mention of your name. Yes, you were the right person to stimulate him this way. But not like this. 

“I– I don’t want to,” you said.  

“I thought you liked him, Y/N. Don’t you want to ride his dick? He seems to want you to. What? Are you too vanilla or something?” 

You squirmed under Soon Yi’s insult, the eyes of the room flashing toward you. Seokjin moved to shove himself forward but then saw that Soon Yi had taped his wrists to the chair when he wasn’t looking. 

Goddamn it. How had she done that? 

You shake your head again, tears falling from your eyes. He wanted to go to you. To remind you that you didn’t want to do anything you didn’t want to. That you could leave at any time. But you didn’t. And he couldn’t. 

“That’s not why,” you insisted. 

Soon Yi smiled. “Tell me,” she practically purred. 

“It’s because he’s…well…” 

“What?” Soon Yi said. “He’s a gay porn star?”

You nodded, your eyes falling to the floor. 

Seokjin’s heart sank. 

“You didn’t even have the decency to tell her, huh? God, you really are such a selfish asshole. Now Y/N knows the truth. And she’s never going to love you. Look at yourself. You made your choice a long time ago. Now, now you have to live with the consequences.”

Seokjin gasped as he pulled himself from his nightmare. Part of him knew he was dreaming. But that wasn’t enough to wake him up. As he sat up and steadied his heartbeat, he took in his surroundings. A beat-up old dresser was across from him, littered with picture frames and knick-knacks that didn’t belong to him. 

Because he was still at your place. It was probably after noon, though he still didn’t have a phone and you didn’t have a clock in this room. 

As he glanced around, he noticed you were still asleep next to him, your hair fanned out across the pillow, arms resting above your head, and the shirt you put on early this morning as you ventured into the city lights to get ramyeon from the convenience store down the block was now bunched up over your breasts, exposing your nipples to Seokjin.

He felt his cock stir, despite the confusing and awful nightmare he’d had. 

With all his recent stress and lack of sleep, he shouldn’t have been surprised everything would all coalesce into one giant messy dream. He was surprised that Soon Yi was there, though. He really rarely thought of her these days, though it seemed his subconscious wanted to send her as a messenger of shame. 

The feeling stewed in his stomach, dousing him in a cool sweat as he processed the dream alongside last night. 

Was he too needy and desperate? Did he rush things too soon? What if you found out that he did stream? Would that make you feel like he was choosing that over you? Or that it exposed you too much, especially when you’d just shyly admitted the night before that you hadn’t ventured into kink but was interested? 

Was streaming cheating? That was something that he couldn’t wrap his mind around. He’d never considered that you might find that to be something as such. How would he make you understand that this wasn’t the same thing, that what he wanted to build with you wouldn’t be exposed online, wouldn’t be cheating because what he felt for you wasn’t what he said he felt toward his viewers. 

But how would you know that? 

Anxiety began to flare up, and he found himself trying to solve this puzzle in various segments, trying to understand and imagine every possible outcome. Either he told you and you were okay with it, or you weren’t. And if he did tell you and you weren’t okay, he didn’t know if you would be willing to give him enough time to explain himself or make you understand.

But if you found out on your own, or through someone else, he knew that would be the end of things before they even began. But what if he told you and you assumed he was just some shitty guy who used sex as a way to make money and power? 

He didn’t even know how he would feel if the roles were reversed. Or rather, he did. Because Seokjin knew that if you were streaming yourself on the internet, a part of him would be insanely jealous. He already felt a twinge of it just from the times he read your chats. But you naked was something else. And while he knew he would respect your decision to do so, he would never feel like he could be fully close to you. 

Just like Soon Yi said in his dream. 

Fuck, he needed to figure this out. 

“What are you thinking about?” Your soft voice broke through his reverie, and he remembered again that you were in front of him, alive, and real. 

And naked. 

He looked down. You had pulled the covers up over your breasts, to his disappointment. Your brow was furrowed, your left pointer finger softly skimming over his side. 

“Oh, a nightmare I had. And other things,” he relaxed back into the bed, rolling over onto his side facing you, using his hand to prop up his head. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Your eyes were sparkling, your voice so gentle it felt like water washing over the scalding parts of his brain, soothing him. 

“No, it’s okay. It was just a dream.” He looked back at you, noticing that your concerned expression didn’t fade. 

He sighed. “I guess I’m feeling a little…overwhelmed from everything.” 

You froze. “Oh.”

He could see your expression changing, the walls he had finally broken through starting to slide back into place, and he realized how awful what he’d just said probably sounded. 

“Not about you, it’s my own shit I swear I–”

“Are you having regrets about last night?” Your voice sounded broken. You crossed your arms over your chest.

“No, no, jagi, not at all. I mean that I felt like…I don’t know. So much happening with work and stress of family stuff and it’s all starting to really get to me. And then there’s you…and you’re like this light among all the bullshit but god. I was a lot really fast with you. I said a lot of things that were maybe too soon, and I also didn’t really talk to you fully about the emotional side of how I feel for you. My body, uh, I feel like that part took over before I could express that to you.” 

He knew he had to at least address this part, and had to absolve that part of him, his dream where sex and power seemed to really want to play their hand over him. Something he never wanted to happen to you. 

“I know that you care about me,” you assured him. “And I know that yes, we kind of immediately dove into some different roles, sharing really personal fantasies. But I don’t think that’s bad, do you?”

Your voice strained a bit at the end, and Seokjin realized that you were also just as anxious that something happened beyond what either of you communicated to each other in the moments after. 

He shook his head. “No, I don’t think that’s bad. But I want you to know that this isn't’ just sex for me. That I’m not going to just walk away or use you to get off. And I-I don’t want you to think that I’m using you.” 

You sighed, sitting up. You pulled his hand into your lap. “I don’t think you used me for sex, Seokjin. I’m not embarrassed by it or feel like you disrespected me. I feel more flattered. I guess that you played up those dynamics more with me because you knew they made me feel good. You know they made me feel good, right? I didn’t, like, not express how good it felt did I?” 

He smiled. “No, no I knew. And you’re right. I guess I felt like I could have been more smooth, amped this up more. I know you felt like we did things out of order because of the fact that we had sex before going on a date, but I feel like I made things out of order by being less romantic and more…”

“Perverted?” you finished, a smirk flying to your lips as you processed Seokjn’s bashful look, his cheeks turning red. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s the word for it,” he smiled back despite himself. Relief set in as he realized you were okay with it. Okay with the pace being set. He wasn’t taking advantage of you. And you knew that. 

You snorted. “I may have slipped some of my dirtiness out yesterday, and maybe you beat me to it faster, but I think you’ll learn soon I’m way more perverted than you.” 

His eyebrows rose. “Oh?”

You laughed. “Yes. I read!” 

“Oh, that’s right. Most of the books on your shelf are quite suggestive, aren’t they?” He began to drag his hand along your covered thigh, then hesitated. He didn’t want to just move toward sex. Why was it so hard for him to keep himself under control?

“Do you want to talk about it?” you asked, throwing Seokjin off. 

“Huh?” 

“Your nightmare you had. You were saying no a lot in your sleep. I figured that’s why you’ve been a bit off this morning. You didn’t sleep very peacefully.” 

He was off? How?

“I’m not…I wasn’t…” No excuse came. 

“We don’t have to talk about it,” you said softly. But Seokjin knew. He could feel the silence wedging between you. The distance started to leave a bitter taste in his mouth over what happened last night. 

“Soon Yi was in it,” he said uneasily, not knowing where to start.  

You sat quietly, though he saw you tense at the name. 

“She was telling me lots of stuff. I was failing with the restaurant, and I was failing with you. And she wanted me to make sure I knew it.” 

You pursed your lips for a moment and nodded, then wiggled back under the covers, scooting your head across the pillow to lie just under Seokjin’s bent elbow. He watched you closely, trying to detect what kind of reaction you were giving from this. 

“Can I ask you something?” you asked after a moment. 

He hummed, flicking his gaze down to you. He felt one of your legs curl across his as you pulled yourself closer. Your breasts dragged against his stomach. His free hand found itself in your hair, stroking it away from your face at your temple. 

“When you…when you dream of her, do you miss her?” 

His gut twinged, something in him stirring at that question. He’d often asked himself the same one over the years, trying to figure out what the feeling really was. But this time, as Seokjin craned his neck down to see you worry your lip between your teeth, he finally had the words. 

As he leaned down to peck a kiss onto your forehead, he sighed. “No, I don’t anymore. I think sometimes I feel maybe nostalgic for a time where I was known the way she knew me, but I don’t miss her. If I did, I don’t think I would have been so attracted to you, so drawn to you that my thoughts are clouded with you every day.” 

“Okay. It’s not that I wanted to assume it. I just didn’t know. I don’t know how serious this breakup was. I mean, I guess I assumed it had to be serious because she was your fiancé but…” Your hand found a way out of the covers and up to his cheek, gently rolling your thumb against the stubble of his jaw. A soft smile bloomed across your face. “When you talked about her before, you almost did like there was no emotion behind it.” 

“What do you mean? Like I didn’t care about her?”

“Not really like that,” you said. “More like you didn’t want me to know you cared about her. Like it was a story to move on from and not something you actually lived.” 

His heart wrenched at the call-out, and Seokjin began to feel his cheeks burn. “I-I’m sorry.” 

Your eyes widened and you shook your head vigorously. “No, no, don’t apologize for that. Seokjin. I’m weirdly relieved to see that you do feel things about her. I don’t expect you to not feel anything.” 

“I just…I care about you. And in my dream, you listened to what she said about me and it changed your mind.” 

“Well, what did she say? What is it that would change my mind about you? Because I don’t think it probably is as bad as you seem to believe.” 

His throat welled. This was the moment. He could tell you. He could be honest and would know you wouldn’t walk away. Or that if you did, it would be before he got too attached to you. Seokjin could live with the results of you deciding his lifestyle was too much. He could seal away his feelings, and once his parents returned in a month or so, he could move on with his life and find a new job where you wouldn’t haunt every thought he had.

He swallowed, mouth dry as his heart began hammering against his chest.

“Sh-she said that you would never love me. That no one ever would.” His breathing was slightly ragged, voice shaking a bit. He felt like he’d drunk too much caffeine on an empty stomach, the dizzying haze of fear rooting itself in his core. 

To think it was one thing. To say the fear out loud, in the quiet of the early afternoon light, was another. 

Your hand stilled on his face, and you turned his head so his gaze met yours. Seokjin couldn’t help it as he felt you pull closer to him. He felt the tears spring up into his eyes.

“Do you believe that? That you’re so unlovable?” 

Did he? He didn’t know. Perhaps it was less that Seokjin believed he was unlovable and more that he didn’t deserve your love. Especially with how gentle and pure and good you were. How tainted he was. 

He didn’t answer, but that was enough of one for you. Enough for you to pull yourself up, the covers falling away from your body, your breasts swaying as you hoisted yourself on top of him, straddling his stomach with your naked thighs. 

You moved his hands to your hips, bowing your head so it hovered just above his. Your warm voice found his ear as you leaned closer. 

“I’ll tell you a little secret,” you whispered. Chills formed across his body as your breath tickled his neck. “You’re just as lovable as everybody else, Seokjin. No matter what you’ve been told. By anyone.” He felt your lips brush against his neck. 

His breath heaved once, and then he felt a few beads rolling down his cheeks as you pecked small kisses onto him.

“I’ve wanted you for a long time.” 

How? How could this be real? Any of this be real? Was he drifting through a different kind of dream now? In his life, Seokjin couldn’t imagine being told this so honestly. And furthermore, the lump in his throat was still there because while he was hearing you admit you felt something for him, wouldn’t that change the second he informed you of the other half of the dream? 

The reasoning behind no one ever loving him?

“I’m so scared, Seokjin.” Your shaking voice pulled him from his thoughts, and his eyes flashed to yours as you pulled away. 

He wasn’t the only one with tears in his eyes. You, too, had some brimming your eyelashes, the shine of wetness almost ethereal. 

“I’m absolutely fucking terrified.” He could see the sincerity; the anxiety and fear stirred beneath the intensity of your stare. He imagined his eyes were reflecting the same thing. “And you want to know why?” 

He did. He nodded.

“Because I’m worried I will fuck this up somehow. Or that the past will repeat itself. That you’ll disappear one day and it’ll be like I dreamt all this. I don’t know if I can take it if I wake up and find you gone without a trace, as if I never existed to you. It’s happened before.” Your voice shook as a few tears fell down your face. 

Seokjin’s eyes widened. “What?”

Your eyes flicked away from him and you laughed lightly as you wiped the tears from your face. “God, I don’t even know why I’m crying. This is so stupid.” 

“No, no back up. What happened?” He wasn’t going to let you change the subject. Not about this. Not when you two were being honest and communicating clearly. Not when despite being inside of you last night, he had never felt so close to you as he did in this moment. 

“You’re not the only one with a past. You know that, right?”

A flood of embarrassment washed over him, souring his stomach. Because truthfully, he hadn’t really considered how much of your past had led you to being there on top of him. 

“Y/N, I–”

“No, no, I don’t mean it that way. I meant it more that you aren’t the only one who is scared because of the past. I wasn’t engaged before. I thought I would be, though, at one point. But looking back, I don’t think Do Woon and I even knew each other, and I was more thinking about the idea of getting married as something I had to do more than I wanted to. Not to say I don’t want to get married but–”. You cut yourself off, your words sharp and quick as if a rain of thoughts had all come down at once. 

Seokjin took a deep breath, steadying himself under you as he asked. “Do you…do you want to start from the beginning?” 

You chuckled, lacing your fingers into his. “I wanted to say that I have been with someone. And it was getting serious, or it was for me. And then one day, poof, he just ghosted me. Blocked my number when he was supposed to come to my dad’s birthday party. It was a whole mess.” 

Seokjin stroked his thumb over the back of your hand. “It sounds like a mess. And that guy was an absolute asshole.” He tried to ignore the pit of guilt in his stomach as he realized he had also been considering disappearing a few moments ago. Granted, that was under the assumption that you weren’t interested in him, or that if you found out you would change your mind. 

Fuck. Just tell her. 

He didn’t know when he would be able to insert this information. Definitely not as he spoke next. 

“Why don’t you tell me about them. As much or as little as you want to share.” 

And that was all it really took, you being granted permission to unstopper the bottle of your past and some of the outer laying details that Seokjin never could make sense of. You told him about Do Woon, explaining that he, along with some other guy who shall not be named, were your two main relationships you’d had in your adult life, and both of them left some part of you feeling shattered and vulnerable, despite how short those relationships were. Only a few months of your life. Not even enough to establish them officially as your boyfriend, or at least that was something he’d never referred to himself as while dating you. 

At some point you pulled yourself off of Seokjin, settling back into the plush comforter on your bed. And despite his best efforts to not look for a clock to mark what time it was, he found himself scanning your room for one, only to realize whatever time it was really didn’t matter. 

Not when you were being so open after a time of being so closed off. 

“I feel…inexperienced compared to you. Almost like I’m some sixteen year old kid doing this all for the first time.” 

Your apartment was quiet. There were clearly sounds of the old building creaking as neighbors around you occasionally left or arrived with a slam of a door. But all that life outside, Seokjin thought, it resembled something mechanical and impersonal, far from the life he was experiencing with you. 

“You know, it’s funny. You’re saying I have all this experience, but I don’t.” 

“But you do. You’ve taken someone on dates before, probably bought her flowers and birthday presents. You clearly know how to have sex and do it well. You cook for people, you’ve lived this exceptional career, and are known by a ton of people. You just exist so maturely and fully in a way that I don’t feel like I do. In a way that means something officially through a relationship. I feel like I’m watching you like a kid observing a teacher to know how to write the alphabet, and it’s kind of embarrassing.” 

Seokjin watched as you shifted uneasily, pulling your arm across your chest as you became guarded once more, on edge and awaiting his response. 

“None of that even means anything, Y/N. I don’t have experience in all this stuff, not with you. I don’t know what I’m doing, what I could say that might offend you. And I’m not sure what career you’re referring to because I’m just some nepo baby but much lower in class. Hard work didn’t give me this job; being the son of the owners did.

“And as far as existing in a way that is mature, what makes me qualified to be considered as such? I play video games in my apartment by myself, I don’t have complex problems with school and finances and balancing a future career to contend with the way you do. Now, that’s maturity.” 

Seokjin reached forward, tugging you into his embrace. 

Into your ear, he whispered. “You’re right about one thing, though. I do know how to have really good sex.” 

You snorted, your shoulders relaxing as you nuzzled into him. “Yes, I’m aware. I was there.”

“Which means you know that it takes two people at least to have sex. And that means the sex wasn’t just good because of me. But you, too. Like, really, really good.” 

You laughed lightly. “Okay, fine. But I still feel like a beginner.” 

“I do too. And before you argue with me again about this. I’m learning you, just like you’re learning me. What demons we carry, what flaws we have. What hot little kinks lurk in your closet that I cannot wait for you to inform me of. How you like your eggs in the morning, what songs you’ll sing in the shower. Mine is ‘Loner’ by Outsider, by the way.” 

Your laugh built, your body shaking against his. He smiled despite the fact that you couldn’t see him. 

“This is new. We’re new. We are both beginners in the process of hopefully becoming experts in each other.”

You released a puff of air from your chest, angling yourself to look at him. 

“I like that. I want to be an expert in you, I think.” 

He cocked an eyebrow. “You think?”

You rolled your eyes. “Fine, I know. I want to be an expert in you. Period.” 

“Good, because I plan on becoming an expert in you.” 

“Okay then…so first of all, I like scrambled eggs. But not the gummy rubbery crap. Soft scramble, low and slow. With toast and pats of butter.” 

“Low and slow, got it.” Seokjin said. He gazed down at you, your sleep-tangled hair falling cutely into your face as you described your favorite breakfast and how to make it. Ideally with lower heat, the curds of the eggs softly mixed and cooked into the butter to be uniform throughout. He filed the recipe away, but more specifically how you said it, how your lips curved around every word as you enthusiastically rambled on, ranking your favorite to least favorite egg varieties. 

He stroked the hair out of your face with one arm, his other tracing the curves of your bare back. 

“And then, hmm song I’ll sing in the shower.” You drifted off, your breath coming more ragged in your chest as his hand traced the outer lines of your hip and thighs. Seokjin felt you adjust yourself, the heat of your lower body escaping as you opened your thighs wider. 

“It’s a very important answer,” he said casually, his eyes becoming more hooded as he watched your arousal starting to grow, your body attempting to make subtle attempts to cover up what Seokjin knew was already there. 

“Mmm,” you responded weakly. Your own hands were exploring now under the covers, grazing Seokjin’s defined chest and abs, and resting just under the hair that trailed his belly button. Millimeters away from his stiffening cock. 

His left hand found its way away from your head, fingers running down the length of your neck and shoulders, and finally to your plump breasts. 

You gasped out a moan when he plucked a nipple between two of his fingers, a devilish smile splayed across his face when your eyes flew open to look at him. 

“Shit,” you rasped, and Seokjin chuckled, amused by how your building arousal made you all the more sensitive. 

Your hand closed over his cock unexpectedly, eliciting a groan from him as you began firmly stroking him in your hands. 

He took that as a cue, letting his right hand finally push your thighs more apart. He ran his fingers through you, pulling them away and placing them between the two of you. 

His tongue poked out as he tasted you on his fingers, relishing how your mouth fell slightly open as you intently watched his tongue loop over every ridge of his pointer finger. You shifted again. 

“Mmm, you taste good. Have you tasted yourself before?” he asked, and your eyes widened before you did a short, embarrassed nod. 

“So curious.” He lapped at his other finger, spending less time cleaning it. “I think you might like your taste even better now.” 

“How?” Your voice was soft, still enamored by his ministrations.  

Seokjin grinned, leaning forward to tilt your head up to him to kiss you. The kiss was hard, a pull of dominance overtaking him as he forced your mouth open with his, his tongue tangling into yours, giving you a shared taste of your arousal and him. 

You moaned, and as he dipped back down to your hot core with his fingers, you leaned in harder to the kiss, wrapping your arm around his neck to keep him close to you as you sucked his plump bottom lip into your mouth. Your other hand stilled on his cock, holding it but loosening in your grasp as you remained distracted by him. You shuddered into his mouth as he stroked your swollen clit with his thumb, pushing your pelvis up so he could get the right angle. 

“That’s a good girl, Y/N, spread your legs for me so I can fuck you open with my fingers.” 

As he slid one in with ease, then the second, he could feel you clench around him, causing his cock to to throb as he imagined it in place of his fingers. 

You ground into his hand, still chasing his mouth with yours. Your hand brushed up and down his length again before abandoning its mission, instead using your hand to push away from the kiss. You pouted at him as he built a rhythm with his fingers, pulling slowly in and out and occasionally scissoring his fingers open to ensure you were ready for him. 

“So greedy,” he chuckled. 

“I need you,” you whined, and your arm left his neck to the hand thrusting into you. You put your hand over his, commanding it to deliver sharper, heavier thrusts into your drenched pussy. 

“I can see that,” he teased, following your set rhythm for the moment. As he watched you writhe below him, he couldn’t help but look at every curve of you, trying to burn this memory into him forever. 

The room fell quiet, the only sounds being your little moans and the wet sounds of his fingers thrusting in and out of you. He felt your hand take hold of his cock again, and he glanced down to see your small fingers laced around its thickness. 

God, it was perfect. 

“You’re so hard,” you remarked, pumping him to the same speed he was working his fingers. 

His eyebrow cocked. You were teasing him, trading out your nervousness for a sexy, confident self who was only working him up further. More precum dribbled from the head of his cock as you worked him in your fist, pumping up and down roughly, perfectly. 

He didn’t know how you knew he liked harder, rougher handjobs. Or that his heavy sack was so deliciously sensitive that your mouth on it last night almost had him cumming immediately. Either way, he was thoroughly enjoying how you were panting a little as he continued to thrust in and out of you while you tried to focus, your breasts bouncing along with your strokes. 

God, he needed to pace himself or he would cum all over you without warning. The image of that idea alone had his hips buck forward into your grasp and he imagined you painted so sinfully with his white cum dripping down your face, your chest—

Fuck. His balls drew up with the ache of his thrust into your hands, threatening to spill. No. No he didn’t want this to be how it ended. 

In all this, you were on the edge, but he could tell the angle just wasn’t right. 

Seokjin pulled his fingers from you, a pathetically cute “no, please” leaving your lips as you closed your legs around his hand, grinding onto him to try and get yourself off. 

But Seokjin had a better idea. Instead, he pulled away, flipping the comforter off of you. He  searched along the floor until he found what he was looking for. 

Your abandoned vibrator was on top of some dirty laundry. He picked it up, holding it in front of you. 

“It’s dirty,” you said. “I used it last night before–“ 

You froze, looking away from Seokjin and down at a spot on the floor. 

“Before what?” He asked. 

“Before, um…” 

God you were so cute when you were being shy. 

“Were you using this right before I got here?” 

Your eyes widened and you nodded, still avoiding eye contact. 

“What were you masturbating to, princess? I’m sorry I interrupted you. Did you get to cum?” 

You shook your head and then looked back up at Seokjin. “I mean technically yes but not while I was masturbating. You made me cum later.” 

“Oh, baby. Then I owe you an orgasm, then, don’t I? Poor thing had to wait so long to cum. You were probably so worked up and wet and tense.” 

He could see the effect his words had on you, the playful, almost bratty facade melting into a more submissive, soft haze. Your eyes were locked on his, gaze burning hot. 

“I-I was,” you agreed softly. 

Seokjin clicked his tongue. “Tsk, I’ll make it up to you. But first, tell me what got you so worked up.” 

You groaned, your hands flying to your face as you hid behind them. 

“I can’t.” 

“And why is that?” 

“It’s too embarrassing.” 

“Is it? There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Y/N. I don’t care who you were masturbating to, I know that doesn’t mean anything. But it’s healthy. It’s about your relationship to yourself.” 

“You,” you replied quickly. You didn’t remove your hands from your face, muffling the sound. 

“Me?” Seokjin replied, a wide grin spreading to his face. He liked the sound of that. 

“Yes. Don’t let it go to your head.” 

But he couldn’t help himself. Seokjin was delighted, warmth spreading throughout his body as he imagined you on this very bed naked, sighing and moaning and twitching around your toy. It was a perfect view, one he wanted to see in real time so he could memorize it just as it happened. 

“What were you thinking about that had you soaking wet for me when I arrived? What was I doing? Was it your kinky fantasy you told me about?” 

Your hands fell from your face as you smacked his thigh with your hands. “Shut up! You’re letting it go to your head. It’s none of your business what I was fantasizing about and now you’re kink shaming me!” 

Seokjin laughed, carding his hand through his hair. 

“Kink shaming you? Did you not see how turned on I was by the idea of you having a little exhibitionist streak?” 

“Okay, well fine! You tell me what one of your fantasies is so it’s fair.” 

Seokjin smirked. He was used to this kind of talk. He wouldn’t back down from a challenge. 

“Hmm, which one do you want to know more about? The one where I have you tied up like a pretty little present for me, rope threaded around your soft arms and stomach, being held open for me? Or, maybe the one where you’re blindfolded, unable to see anything but feel everything.”

Your lips pop open, eyes flashing with something dark that Seokjin can tell has sent your mind into overdrive. Oh, you like that just as much as him. 

“Is that what you want, princess? For me to make you feel everything while I fuck you blindfolded?” 

You squirm under him, but surprisingly, you shake your head. “Not now. Maybe later. Right now I want to see you. See everything you do to me.” 

“I can definitely do that.” 

Seokjin reached over to your bedside table, cocking his head toward the drawer. “Is this where your toys live?” he asked. 

“Yes, but…”

“But?”

“Just…don’t judge me.” 

“Never,” Seokjin assured, and he opened the drawer. 

You didn’t have many toys, but just from the fact that you had more than one told Seokjin that you were just as curious as he was. 

He sifted through the drawer, moving anal beads, a bullet vibrator, a rabbit vibrator, and a long blue dildo out of the way. He found the case to the purple clitoral vibrator he now knew you used to get yourself off last night and slipped it in. 

Then he saw what he was looking for. Of course you would have one.

Seokjin pulled the c-shaped vibrator out of its case, your eyes widening as you saw it in his palm. 

“Fuck,” you said. “That one is…really intense.” 

“Oh?” he teased, crawling across the bed and over you once more. “How so?”

“Um, I usually cum really fast with that one. Almost too fast. And hard.”

“That sounds like the opposite of a problem to me.”

You laughed, relaxing back into your pillows. “I mean that I kind of struggle with it.” 

“Do you not want me to use this on you?” 

“You can, it’s just that I like the way it feels when you touch me. I can use toys any time. That feeling is the same.”

“Princess, I guarantee that it won’t feel the same. Not when I’m the one holding the remote and deciding what angle and where.”

You shrugged, gesturing down to your parted legs. “Fine, then go for it.” 

“Oh, I will. And don’t you forget that you still owe me an answer to my question. I want to know what I was doing in your little fantasy that got you so worked up you made a mess on one of your toys.”

“God, are you going to fuck me already or am I going to have to do it myse-”

A firm slap landed on your thigh and you cried out. 

“Hey! That hurt!” 

“Yes, it’s supposed to. You’re being a brat. And I don’t appreciate it.”

You rolled your eyes, and for a moment Seokjin thought to delve out another slap to your other thigh. But he was also getting impatient. His cock felt angry and hard as it strained against his stomach. He needed to get his mind off of it. 

So instead he tapped your thighs, this time softer, signaling you to spread further to expose your glistening core. You were still so wet, and as he pushed the toy into you, a squelch rang out into the room as you sucked it right in. 

It might have been the hottest thing Seokjin had ever seen in his life. 

“How’s that feel?” he asked gently, enamored with the sight of you below him. 

“Mmm, good,” you replied, a slight breathiness in your voice. A happy, drunk smile spread across your lips.

He felt himself mirror you, probably some stupid, dopey grin slapped across his own face. But you were like a goddess, your hair splayed onto the pillow under your head, arms bent at the elbow and resting near your face. 

“So beautiful,” he whispered. God, he could look at you like this forever. A tight warmth surged into his chest, and he bent forward to kiss your forehead. “So good for me.”

You didn’t get a chance to protest as the vibrator came to life, dual controls vibrating both the curved shaft that was snuggly wrapped around your pelvic bone and the clitoral attachment. 

You jolted, your back immediately arching as you responded to the sensation. 

“Fuck, Seokjin.” 

“Mm, I believe I’m the one fucking you,” he joked, chuckling to himself. 

“Oh my god shut up it’s not funny oh, fuck–”

Your eyes shut tightly as you clenched around the vibrator, its low buzz sounding louder in the room as Seokjin rested it up against you.

“I thought you wanted to see everything I do to you.” 

Your eyes shot open and looked up at him. “I do, but god this is so intense.” 

“Well, let me provide a solution to that,” Seokjin responded, and then he pulled away, leaving the vibrator to rest inside of you for a minute. He’d gotten this idea only a few minutes ago, but just in his general state of wonder at your apartment, he knew that you had a floor mirror peeking out from the corner of the room. 

You whined as he stood across your room, hips bucking as the wet sounds of the clitoral vibrator created small suction noises that alerted Seokjin of just how wet you were. 

He turned back to you, climbing back atop the bed and sliding his hands underneath your bottom, pulling you up into his arms. 

You gasped, though he wasn’t sure if it was because the toy had hit a particular sensitive spot, or you weren’t expecting him to carry your weight. But none of that mattered right now. Instead, he was transfixed by the way you were watching yourself as you both stood in front of the mirror, Seokjin positioning you with your legs spread and hips angled toward the mirror, propping yourself up by leaning your back against his chest. 

“Here you go princess,” he cooed. “Now you can see everything.” 

You shuddered, as if his words sent a chill down your spine. He grinned, taking one of your hands and guiding it down to the vibrator, nudging it further into you. 

You began to take over, but he tightened his grasp on your hand, shaking his head. 

“Then why–”

“So when you use it alone next time, you’ll have no choice but to think of me, my hands making you tremble, making you drip down your legs.” 

You moaned, low in your throat, closing your eyes as he upped the intensity through the remote. A heavy, wet gasp shuddered through your chest, your other hand that wasn’t positioned on your vibrator finding Seokjin’s hand and squeezing it. 

“Is this angle better? Or is it still too much?” 

“It’s good. It’s really good.”

“Then keep your eyes open, princess,” he ordered. “Look how beautiful you are as you cum.” 

After a moment of hesitation, you obliged, opening your eyes again and staring directly at him in the mirror. 

“Close,” you said, your legs quivering. You leaned into his chest harder for support. 

“I know,” he replied. Seokjin was drunk on the tiny whimpers exiting your mouth, how you wriggled against him during moments of more intense sensation. How could he ever want anything more from the world when he had this moment, the bright afternoon light cascading over your bodies through the window, the sheen of sweat coating your skin looking like diamonds. Your eyes were bright and hungry, chasing your end with the determination that he always admired in you. 

It was the same hunger you had for knowledge, those days at the restaurant when he would pull you out of your textbooks and notetaking because you failed to hear the chime of the door alerting you to the fact that customers had arrived. You would always look at him with a daze, but like you were craving to delve back in, to learn the next part about family structures and psychology of developing minds.  

This time though, that hunger was fixated on your orgasm, on Seokjin, how you untangled your hand from his to reach behind you and grab his cock, pulling it through your legs so you could grind down on it, your hips jutting against him as he slid between your damp thighs and against the toy. You smirked darkly, satisfied that he would play this game with you, and would follow your lead with the rocking of his hips. 

He loved that you were challenging him. He was quickly learning that you desired–no, required– the reminder that you were truly the one in control, even if you were submissive. You were setting the parameters of the boundaries, the cat and mouse games weaving in and out so you could explore how far you wanted to go, where the lines you wouldn’t cross were. 

It was a lot more intuitive than Seokjin would have thought, how he could recognize your hesitation in some moments and provide reassurance through a question, or recognize what situations of you grabbing his hand were a hard stop, and what other times were meaning you were so overcome with pleasure that you needed something to hold onto. 

He was happy to do this, so happy and lucky and bewildered that this was real, that you were real. He needed to steady himself, and so he took your hand in his once more, reveling in the warmth of your softness. 

He pulled the hand to his mouth, kissing it. Your eyes were glassy, a soft smile blooming as you embraced the tender gesture.

You ground down harder, your movements becoming sloppier as you heaved another breath in your chest. 

“Close,” you said again. This time with more urgency. Your brows furrowed, your thighs snapping together, and then your orgasm rocked through you, heavy delicious shakes spiraling out from you, clamping down on the toy and also his cock between your legs, a rush of dampness spilling out from you. . 

“Please, please, please, please,” you begged, still shaking, still in the midst of intensity, though Seokjin didn’t know what you were begging for. His brain was fuzzy as he watched you cresting with pleasure. Did you want him to turn off the toy? As he moved your hands on the vibrator toward the off button you shook again, adding a shake of your head. 

“No, no. More, Jinnie, please more.” He was a bit shocked by the way you were whining so desperately for him, but it encouraged him to move your hands toward the other buttons that turned up the settings. 

With a sharper, higher buzz, he watched in awe as you coasted from one orgasm to the next, thighs shaking so hard your knees were failing, and he had to curl his hand around your waist to ensure you didn’t fall to the ground. 

“Yes,” you sighed, the word repeated over and over and over like a spell. You looked directly at him as you moaned, like you were championing him through this orgasm, your eyes melting into a thicker, warmer gaze as you ground harder against him and the toy. 

“Fuck, Y/N.” He didn’t know what to say. He just watched you have two earth-shattering orgasms on top of him, against him, and you were asking for more. He settled on words that barely touched the surface, but would do for the moment. “You’re incredible.”

As you pushed further toward the edge, you looked at your body, and before you could even begin to think, he was kissing your neck, whispering in between kisses. 

He took your laced hands, trailing your fingers over your thigh. 

“Gorgeous. Look at yourself. So soft and sweet and wet. You can do it, baby, let yourself go.”

And somehow, though he was ready to deliver you a string of other encouragement, you broke, a throaty, clipped yelp carrying across the room as you came. 

“Oh my god, oh my god,” you heaved, your eyes shining wet with tears that leaked out of you. You laughed lightly, euphoric and almost giddy as your legs wobbled. He noticed you began to tilt more toward the floor, and quickly Seokjin threw his arms around you before you fell,  hoisting  you up against him, kissing your temple and cheek. He reached down and turned off the vibrator, your hips still bucking in the after shock. 

“That’s my good girl.”

“Shit.”

You both stood in the quiet, still in front of the mirror. You were panting, eyes locked on him. A smile crept up your face, and Seokjin felt full suddenly, like he was feasting on his adoration for you as it grew by the minute. He was grinning back, his cheeks hurting from how much he’d been doing that all day. 

After a moment, he pulled the vibrator out of you. You winced at the sensitivity, but there were still stars in your eyes as you basked in the afterglow. Your eyes followed the threads of arousal clinging to you and the toy, its silicone shiny and slick as Seokjin took it into his hand and tossed it on the bed. 

He studied you carefully, watching intently to gauge your mood in case you crashed. But you were glowing and sighing happily against him, ready to tug your tangled fingers from his. 

But Seokjin had other ideas. He took your joined hands, drawing small circles on your thighs. 

“But, you’re still hard,” you said in protest. 

He was. Painfully so. He’d gotten so close to cumming when you writhed against him, but it could wait. This couldn’t. 

“Yes, and I’ll still be hard in a few minutes,” he said. “But I’m not done with you, yet. It’s still your turn.” 

“I don’t think I can cum again so soon. I still feel the buzzing of the vibrator in my clit.” 

Seokjin chuckled fondly. “That’s okay, princess. That’s not exactly what I had in mind.”

“Then what-”

He shushed you, continuing the slow circles on your thighs. 

“I saw you starting to judge yourself back there,” he said softly. “Especially when you were about to cum. And I just want to say I see you, I witness you and all that you are. I see you so fully and I only hope one day you will see you how I see you. Your strong thighs that carry you from class to work and home every day.” 

He moved your hands up to your stomach. “Your stomach, which is a stomach. Muscles and organs and skin and, sure, fat. All those things nourishing your body, protecting you like armor. Softness, too.” He kissed your neck again, this time sucking in slightly. Just enough to bloom a hickey. 

He cocked an eyebrow when you moaned, clearly not opposed. 

“Definitely a fan of this part right here. But you know that,” he said, guiding your hands to your plump ass. He grabbed a handful of it, sighing. 

You giggled, the brightness in your eyes lively and playful as you hung on every word he said. 

“Love this part, this sweet, tight little pussy.” He ran a finger through you again, and you hissed when his knuckle brushed your clit. “Still a little too sensitive though. But truly, if I could, I’d live the remainder of my existence with you sitting on my face.” 

“Seokjin!” 

“It’s true!!! Beauty knows beauty. I would be honored if your beautiful pussy smothered my beautiful face.” 

“Oh my god,” you yanked at your hands, but he didn’t budge. 

“Okay, okay. I will stop talking about your tasty little pussy and how much I want to bury my nose in it, drown in it, worship it.” He moved his hands along your sides. “Strong hips, and the dip right here? Absolute masterpiece. The ancient Greeks would have fought each other to determine who got to carve those into marble.” 

You rolled your eyes but let him continue. 

When he arrived at your breasts, he cupped them with both hands, savoring the heaviness of them in his palms. “I have no words for these. Okay maybe a few. One time, you wore a lower cut shirt and just the suggestion of cleavage had me jacking off in the bathroom at work. I could not extinguish the boner that gave me. I was like a horny high school boy again. Honestly, I haven't had that happen since I was probably sixteen.” 

You both laughed, but you recovered as he moved inward, a little further up your chest. 

“There’s so much I love about you, Y/N. You’re compassionate and kind. The way you always go out of the way to help others in need. When you helped Yuna with the crates that fell over last week, spending longer cleaning them up than she did. Or how you are vulnerable with me when I haven’t even really been so with you.” 

You opened your mouth to protest but he squeezed your hand in warning. “Don’t even deny it baby. We both know it. But that’s not the point. Your heart is so pure, so effervescent. You find so much joy in things. I remember you telling me about the snow. How it made you feel the romance of the air. That’s something so beautiful, and I see it in you every day.”

You took a deep breath, and he smiled softly as you looked at your connected hands over your chest. 

“I could go on and on. Your ticklish neck. How your lips pout and your eyes are like moonbeams. How you work so hard to make a difference and find a way to get through it despite it all. How am I so lucky to hold you right now? You’re so real in my arms, but sometimes, I swear I’ve dreamed you.” 

“I’m real,” you said hoarsely. “This is real.” 

You also sounded like you couldn’t believe it, but as Seokjin released your hands, he turned your body toward him, placing his thumb on your bottom lip. 

“Yes. Yes, this is real.” 

Seokjin leaned down, tucking his hand behind your head and kissing you, just to prove that you both hadn’t imagined each other. 

After a long, distracting shower that started as a shower but ended with Seokjin’s cum on your chest, thus being the cause for another shower, you now are both clean, dressed, and hungry. 

“Hey,” Seokjin says, lightly pulling the comb he was using for his hair through the ends of yours. 

“Mmm?” You’re a bit sore and tired, your legs still feeling like noodles after the three orgasms he pulled out of you earlier, plus the intense sex you had last night. 

“Food,” he deadpans. 

“Ugh, can we order something? I don’t want to move.” 

“If we do that you know it’s going to just end up with me fucking you on the couch.” 

You turn around from your spot on the floor, Seokjin’s legs wide as he sits on the couch with you between them. You look at his crotch, noticing that while he’s not hard, his natural bulge still has your mouth watering at the idea of what’s hidden beneath his pants.

Seokjin clears his throat and you look up. He cocks his head. 

“No, I know, you’re right. Plus, we still need to get you a new phone.” 

At the mention of his phone, he tenses, the realization dawning on him. His eyes look down to your phone on the coffee table. “Fuck, I completely forgot. Shit, what time is it? Do we still have time?” 

You tap the screen of your phone, the bright light alerting you to the fact that while you have time, you don’t have much.

“God, I can’t believe I forgot to go do that. I’m sure there’s a thousand texts waiting for me from my mother and what if something happened to the restaurant and–” 

“Relax! It’s okay; let’s go now. There’s a store around the block from here. And then while we’re out maybe we can go get some dinner? I have been wanting to try this Italian place that has these viral garlic knots and oh my god you’re allergic to garlic nevermind.”

The words rush out of you in a puff of air. You begin to feel embarrassed for forgetting such a crucial allergy. 

“It’s not going to kill me,” he says, the warmth of his voice and depth of his brown eyes looking at you sending a shiver down your spine. “Thank you for remembering my allergy, though. Of course we can go get dinner. That sounds perfect.”

He cups your cheek in his hand, and you feel yourself melt into the touch. It’s almost as if he’s glued to you, finding excuses to tuck your hair behind your ear or place a kiss on your neck. Almost like he’s been starved for hundreds of years and now he’s finally getting his fill. 

You can’t say you blame him. Since last night, you too have been using any chance you can get to touch him, to feel his wholeness and realness under your fingertips. 

It’s not that you’re in denial any of this is happening. You know Seokjin is sitting behind you, his plump lips smacking as he takes one last bite of the rice you hurriedly threw into the rice cooker before your shower to satiate some of the ravenous hunger you had.

Little did you know, that your hunger is less for food and more for something else. But you think it’s important to set the tone with a more official date. Besides, successful dinners often mean successful post dinner drinks, post dinner kisses at your door and then in your kitchen and your bed. 

Your mind begins to wander to what happened merely forty five minutes ago in the shower. You had both decided to shower together; the idea of being separated and out of each other’s sight somehow wrenched some type of panic out of you that Seokjin quickly extinguished with a reassuring peck as he led you into the bathroom, turning on the faucet and gesturing for you to get in. 

He’d softened a bit from the very hard and very painful looking erection he’d sported earlier, but his cock had twitched right as you stepped under the water, and before long you found you couldn’t help yourself, bending down until it was level with your face. 

There was a deep satisfaction you got staring up at him as you’d taken him into your mouth, the spray of water from the shower head occasionally hitting over his shoulders to splatter droplets down his perfectly toned abs. He watched you so intently, his gaze scorching hot on your body when he glazed over it. When he came on your chest, you could see that there was still a glint of heat in his eyes, but he didn’t act on it. Instead, he washed himself off of you with your body wash and then wrapped you tightly in a towel. 

Your hand digs into the fabric of your shorts as you shake the memory away. The lingering heat in your core begins to stir anew. God. You have to leave the house. 

You gather up your things and idle in front of the door as Seokjin slowly saunters around, collecting his belongings that have been strewn across the apartment throughout the day, his eyes scanning the room one last time before he places his hand on your waist, dipping down to kiss you again.

“You could have left your stuff here for later, you know.” 

“Ah but if I don’t get it together I won’t ever leave. And after I get my phone and feed you, I know I’ll have work to do. So as much as I love the idea of staying, we both knowI need to leave at some point.” 

You feel a pang of disappointment in your chest but it ends when he wraps his arms around you, sealing you two back together. 

You let him part your lips with his, let his tongue slide into yours. Let him push you firmly against the door and kiss you harder with need, starving and addicted at the same time, like he can’t bring himself to stop. 

When he comes up for air, somehow you find the strength to push him away, his hair mussed from you digging your hands into it without noticing. You flip a few pieces of his hair back into place, smiling at him in response to his huge grin and flushed cheeks.

“We need to go,” you say. He groans. “Seokjin, you said so yourself that you need a new phone.” 

“I know, but I…I don’t know I feel like there’s this little universe we are in right now. It’s like when we walk out that door I’m not sure what’s going to happen. Is that weird?”

It isn’t. It’s the exact feeling you’ve been churning in your brain all morning. You nod and think for a moment before responding. 

“What if we make a promise like we did last winter? When we were on top of the mountain and we decided that for that moment we were one version of ourselves up there before we came back down here?” 

His brow furrowed. “So what would we be like out there? Is this version of us people we are leaving at the door?” Disappointment washed over his face. “But I like this version of us. I don’t want to keep this a secret.”

“That’s not what I meant. I mean, let’s take a minute then and decide who we want to be when we step into the hallway.”

He leans in, still trapping you against the closed door, his forearms resting on the wood above your head. 

“Okay,” he whispers. “I think I know who I want to be.” 

“Tell me.” 

“I want to be your boyfriend. I want to call you my girlfriend, take you out to eat. I want to buy you flowers on your happiest and saddest of days.” He studies your face, which you assume is surprised because his eyes flash wide and ears turn bright red. “I’m sorry, that’s inappropriate. We don’t have to label it.”

Your stomach tenses as he does, his body locked in place like a scared deer. 

“We can though,” you offer. “I can be your girlfriend when we walk outside of here. I want that. And I want…to be more confident and less insecure. To trust that my spiral of thoughts aren’t always real.” 

Seokjin smiles and slowly his body comes back to life, melting away the freeze as he steps back to take a deep breath. 

“Okay then. Let’s go exist in society.” 

A chuckle slips out of you as you register his annoyed tone. “Life is outside, not just in this room. And besides, I have no food in my fridge because I haven’t had the time to go shopping, and we keep putting off eating for other things.” 

“Other things,” he muses. “Cute.” 

You roll your eyes and open the door to the outside world. 

“Wait,” Seokjin says. You stop, your feet in the hallway while he remains in your apartment. 

“Yeah?”

He hesitates like he’s now regretting saying anything at all. He takes a deep breath and leans down. 

“There’s something I want to talk to you about. To tell you…”

You wait, trying not to alert him to how hungry you are as you silently beg your stomach not to betray you. A tiny squeak responds, but he doesn’t react. You know this is probably the moment, and you want to ensure you don’t do anything to make him feel like you’re judging him. It’s hard to keep your expression neutral, but you try. 

“I know that this has been a weird start. In a lot of ways during the last few months you’ve started sharing things with me more than I have been able to with you. And I…I can see how you’re trying to let me into your world. And I want to let you know that while it’s hard to get past myself sometimes, I’m trying. I want you to know me. All of me.” 

You nod, encouraging him to continue. 

“I just…there’s some things I’m not ready to talk about yet. I know that sounds sketchy and you have a right to feel like I’m being sneaky and deceiving you. I understand if you feel like I’m not trustworthy. But I have some stuff I’m figuring out that I will tell you about at some point, I promise. But if I can ask too much of you and more to say just be patient with me, please. I’ll figure out how to talk about it with you soon but right now I can’t and I’m sorry. Can you do that? Can you let us be like this for a while longer?” 

That is not what you expect him to say. He’s going to be withholding things from you. And while you’re relieved he’s saying so, how anxious it makes you to know that you currently stand on one side of the threshold, now as his girlfriend, as someone who is supposed to be confident and trusting. And you’re already slipping back into the usual. 

But you can’t help it, in a way. He hasn’t taken the literal step yet. He could change his mind at any point and tell you this isn’t what he wants. 

But you can tell that regardless of the insecurity, he does want this. He looks so nervous, so vulnerable and terrified. And you know what that feels like, how awful a place it is as you wait for an answer. So you don’t string it along for much longer. You bite your bottom lip and nod. 

“Okay,” you say. “We can be like this a while longer.” 

His shoulders relax and he finally steps across the threshold and into the hallway with you. Into a place that ensures nothing between you two will ever be the same. 

But you’re not alone out here. He takes your hand in his, bringing up to his mouth to kiss the knuckles. Your boyfriend leads you down the stairs to the street. 

“I can’t believe I’ve been without my phone for this long,” Seokjin says as you walk in an easy stride together toward the phone store. “I must have so many messages in my voicemail.” 

Your stomach drops, a bitter cold and tingly feeling working its way down your spine and up through your chest as you remember part of last night. The part where you met his friend Jungkook after calling him out and telling him you knew he was a sex warm worker in the middle of a restaurant. Over voicemail. 

That message is sitting there, after you just agreed you will let him tell you in his own time. Your pace slows as your mind races, trying to think of some type of way to distract Seokjin long enough to prevent him from checking his messages until later. Maybe you can delete the message before he hears it?

He notices the slow down, turning his head toward you as you both shuffle across the sidewalk. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah,” you reply, your voice sounding thin and higher pitched, something unlike your normal voice. He frowns.

“It’s nothing,” you lie. “Just the adjustment to being around strangers again after being in our own universe instead of the real world.” 

He hums in thought. “Yeah, I guess I wasn’t ready for the whole sea of people to be out and about at this time of day.” 

You relax a little for the remainder of the walk, until you arrive at the phone store. 

Then your heart pounds violently, so hard that you can feel in your ears.

Seokjin waltzes over to the counter, telling the employee exactly what he wants and how he lost his phone in the first place. 

“That’s the third one this week I’ve heard that exact story about. Crazy, huh?” The employee, a stout man in a polo, looks to you as if your word is all the validation he needs. 

“Um, yeah,” you say. You look at the display of different phone options, trying to do something with your hands to steady you. 

Seokjin is about to find out that you know. He’s going to learn about it through the horrific, awful drunk tirade you went on last night. You’ll hurt him. You’ll only add to that fodder of him not feeling lovable. 

Your hands shake as Seokjin says something to the employee and laughs, his windshield wiper like laughter squeaking from him. In betrayal, your body responds to it, a sharp and incredibly temporary flutter of joy masking the terror that you feel in his discovery. What if he thinks you have bad intentions? That you’re using him as a personal toy. 

A knot of bile starts to crawl up your throat and you gesture at Seokjin, his eyes meeting yours as you point to the door. You must look awful because he nods, his eyebrows furrowing as you slide out the door. 

Air, you need air. The sticky summer humidity isn’t offering much relief but you inhale anyway, full breaths expanding your lungs and helping soothe a bit of the nausea. 

You close your eyes. You can’t watch his face as he learns. Can’t see the betrayal as whatever you said last night in all your fogginess is pulled into thin air. So you sit there, breathing over and over again, trying to steady yourself. 

Your mouth is dry. If he wants to talk you’re not sure you’ll have the words much less be able to work around the bitter taste in your mouth as you try to form your lips around the words to speak them. 

How quickly can you fuck up a relationship? Will this be some kind of world record for the fastest time someone is dated and then dumped? How long has it been? A handful of hours since Seokjin said he wanted to date you. A handful of minutes since you became his girlfriend and another handful of minutes that feel like hours since he stepped into that shop. Seconds until you’re told all this ends here. 

Can you mourn something you never even really had? You’re learning now that yes. That the idea of it was enough because that cloying tenseness in your throat has worked its way up to bead a few tears from your eyes. 

Why do you always cry now, you wonder. This has been an ongoing thing with you, tears springing free during moments of anxiety or joy or fear. You haven’t had the chance to decode any of that. You just know Seokjin feels safe to cry around. But now, he’s going to see you like this and what if he thinks you’re manipulating him? 

You rasp a breath to your lungs, the tears falling more freely as you heave into the air. The sun is setting, the hot summer night breaking through the sky in streams of pinks and oranges and purples. Any other time it would be beautiful but right now it feels like the sky is falling. 

You hold the air into your lungs, out of forgetting to breathe or intentionally trying to steady yourself, it’s hard to know. They both feel like the same thing right now. 

“Y/N?” 

Your head snaps around, and despite the fear of what you’ll see, you can’t deny him anything. Not now. You look at Seokjin, his brand new phone in his hands, eyes wide with concern. 

“What happened? Are you hurt? Did someone do something?” 

He looks you up and down and then rapidly flits to your surroundings, no doubt looking for some kind of perpetrator or cause for your tears. 

“‘m fine,” you somehow mutter through another heavy breath. 

“No, no you’re not. What’s going on? You’re shaking, baby. Come here.” 

Your teeth chatter, exposing you, but before you can protest, Seokjin wraps his arms around you, slowly rocking you back and forth on the sidewalk in the dying light. 

You’re glad he doesn’t say anything, because the idea of him being nice to you all the while knowing you have said such awful things makes you want to throw up. 

Instead, you stand in the hot air, your bodies sweating after only a moment of the embrace. 

When your breathing finally steadies, Seokjin pulls away, a soft smile on his face as he brushes his fingers under your eyes to wipe your tears. The gesture is so sweet it rots a hole in your stomach. 

Say something, it demands. 

“Messages,” you say. That’s all you can get out, your body’s remaining tremor threatening to travel up to your teeth. 

Seokjin stares at you blankly. Is he shocked you’re the one to bring it up? 

His eyebrows raise as he finally registers what you just said. 

“Oh,” he says. 

Oh. So simple. Not a nose dive into fury or a tip into an argument. Just one word ringing across the atoms between you too. 

Please, you think. Please just get this over with. 

“So you heard them?” you ask. 

He frowns, holding up the new shiny phone in front of you. 

“Um, no actually. Turns out that there’s some stupid issue they’re having moving voicemails from one phone to another. Not a cloud issue but a carrier problem. So if someone called me during the time my phone was dead, I have no idea. No messages.” 

You blink at him. “What?”

“I know, it’s frustrating. Now I have to double back and call everyone I can think of. My parents, my brother. The restaurant. The suppliers, the dry cleaner. In a way I’m almost relieved I don’t have any messages because I can now lean into the fact that I played hooky so I could stay home with you and use it as a far better excuse than what I was planning but it’s still such a fucking inconvenience.” 

He didn’t hear. He doesn’t know. A cool breeze flows through the street, rustling some trash and leaves in the road. You feel the heat of the panic attack begin to recede as realization sets in. 

“Either way, that’s not the point. Are you okay? You look pretty shaken up and your eyes were like wide lamps of terror when I stepped outside.” 

“I…I panicked,” you offer after a moment. “Not sure what it was but it just hit and I needed to get out.” 

The threat of bile rises in your throat as you tack on the lie. 

“Was it that employee? Because he was kind of a weird dude. Gave me strange vibes.”

“Maybe,” you say. 

“Okay, well I’m glad you’re okay now. Are you ready to go eat? I heard your stomach growling earlier so I know you must be starving.” 

You nod, letting Seokjin walk you toward the restaurant. Another lie. 

You feel nothing resembling hunger in your stomach. Instead, you feel the unmistakable heaviness of guilt, leaden and metallic in your mouth. You don’t eat a single thing. And Seokjin doesn’t say so, but the way he regards you as you dump your whole meal into a carry out container tells you he also knows you’re lying to him but just hasn’t asked the question you don’t want to answer.

He walks you home in the darkness, the warped spotlights of street lamps flickering continue to paint your bodies. Dark and light. Dark and light. Shadows and moonlight. In this scenario, you think you know who is the shadow and who is the moonlight. 

©2024 by jooniperbonsai

[accihoe]

Flight or Fight

Pairing: Duff McKagan x fem!reader

Summary: He has a panic attack mid flight and turns to a stranger for help.

Warnings: Panic attack

A/n: Like with my Steven fic, I don't know lots about GNR. I know the music, but I'm holding back from knowing them beyond that, so I'm very sorry if my work for them is inaccurate. I might be wrong but I've read a few places that he used to have panic attacks on planes, and just saw a really cute post about an old lady waking a passenger up to hold her hand because she was scared. I couldn't help but want to write an inspired fic. Without further adue:

Xxxx

Duff's seatbelt unclicked with a loud click, and he tossed the two ends away, chest beginning to heave. The loosening of his seatbelt did little to ease the worry within his chest. His thin arms trembled as they laid across the armrests. He pressed his back into the seat, trying anything to distract himself from the upcoming panic attack.

"Sir, could you please fasten your seatbelt? We are experiencing some turbulence."

The air hostess's voice made him jump, his already wild heart almost thumping through his ribcage. His fear spiked, worsening his situation.

"I-I-..."

His throat constricted, unable to get out any more words. He sighed shakily, trembling hands struggling to clip the metal pieces back into place.

"Thank you."

She continued walking down the aisle, checking for any more passengers to tell. It seemed the entire plane was clipped in and asleep, leaving him more alone. The darkness of the night did nothing to ease his worries. His head shot up, wanting to plead with the air hostess to help him, to give him air, reassure him, hell, even slap him. But she had already gone back.

Duff looked around, panic stricken face desperately searching for any help, anyone else awake. His head snapped to the beautiful woman beside him, the one he'd been too shy to greet when he boarded the flight. As his airways got more constricted and his eyes pricked with more tears he decided to try and ask her.

He raised a quivering hand to her, gripping her upper arm as he shook it gently, breath disappearing more by the second. She awoke with a jolt, looking around confused before her eyes landed on him in the darkness, and then moved to his hand around her arm. He dropped his quaking hand.

"Please help me."

He croaked out, throat straining as he held back tears.

"I-I think, I think I'm having a panic attack and I'm so sorry to be having it up h-here and waking you but please, please help me, I don't want to cause a scene,"

He pleaded softly. Y/N could hear the fright in his voice, and she was instantly wide awake. She pushed the arm rest up, moving to the middle seat so that she was sitting next to Duff, who was on the aisle seat. His reached out, eyes pleading with hers. She took his shaking hand, giving it a gentle squeeze to ground him.

"Here, hold this."

She took his other hand, heart shattering as she felt how badly it was trembling, and put it on the cold armrest between them. The only thing separating them.

"My name is Y/N. Can you repeat that for me?"

She asked gently.

"...Y...Y/N."

She nodded with a gentle smile.

"Follow my breathing, deep breaths. In through your nose, out through your mouth. There we go,"

His eyes darted across her face, hand gripping hers like a vice. It took several dreadful moments of her having to show him a task as simple as breathing, but he got there, and she praised him for it.

"Alright, you're doing so well. Now, tell me 5 things you can see."

"I-I uh, I can see you?"

She nodded encouragingly.

"I... the- the... I can't! I can't see- or breathe- I can't breathe please-"

She gave his hand another squeeze, a very gentle one.

"Tell me your name."

"Duff... my name's Duff. Michael Andrew McKagan."

"That's a beautiful name, Duff. And you said it beautifully. Well done, keep breathing for me, alright?"

Duff found himself feeling better, he'd achieved at something. Even something small and normal, it was an achievement. He nodded frantically, watching her chest as he tried his best to mimick the patterns.

"Duff, you're alright, you're safe, you're fine. We're in capable hands. We're all going to be fine, we'll have landed before you know it. Its just a brief bit of turbulence."

His other hand, still shaking, moved to up grasp at hers.

"But what if we don't!? I-I've.. I've got so many people to make amends to I can't die! I need- I need to say sorry!"

"And you will, I promise you will. But in the meantime, tell me 5 things that you eat."

"Um... Turkey- chili turkey. A-and sweet potato fries! Grilled chicken. S... salad?"

"Wonderful, sounds nice, doesn't it?"

He nodded, eyes still searching her face.

"Tell me one more. The fith one."

"... Banana bread..."

"That's one of my favourites. Wonderful, Duff. You're doing great. Are you feeling any better yet?"

He nodded, forcing a small smile.

"Tell me what you need."

"I want, I need to be able to move."

He rasped, still shuffling against the seatbelt.

"It's okay, unfasten it. I won't tell if you don't."

She smiled, one he couldn't help but return. He let go of her hands to unclip himself but took her hands as soon as he was free, exhaling in relief.

"Better?"

"Much."

Though the attack had calmed, she knew that so much as another sudden shifting of the plane could trigger it again.

"Would you like a hug, Duff? Only if you're up for it. If you want one, I'm right here."

"Y-yeah, yes I'd very much like that. Thank you."

He rushed out, letting go of her hands. Y/N pushed up the arm rest that was between them and opened her arms. He lunged forward, gripping onto her for dear life. Y/N draped her arms across his back, hugging him, stroking her hand up and down his back.

He was still trembling slightly, but a lot less than a few minutes ago. His grip around her tightened with each passing second, and she kept her arms clasped around him. Eventually, he pulled away.

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

He whispered, smiling sheepishly. Y/N nodded with a warm smile, moving back to her seat. She picked up her blanket that had fallen to the floor, shaking it out.

"I... would... would you mind if I sat here instead?"

He pointed toward the middle seat. She shook her head with a smile, patting the seat as a friendly gesture. He shifted instantly. Y/N watched as Duff wrapped his arms around himself and looked around in thought. Worried he might pull himself into another state she called out to him gently.

"Duff, would you like to share my blanket?"

"I don't want to keep you from sleeping."

He smiled, though he wished with his whole heart he could snuggle up against her under the warm blanket.

"I'm awake, it really won't bug me."

His stomach panged with guilt. Y/N could see the suble jerk of his body.

"I-I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean..."

"Duff, hey, it's alright. It's really alright. I promise. I love talking to people. I love helping people. It's what I do. It's what I love. You really didn't bug me. I promise."

She gave him a warm smile, shifting so that her body was half facing him. His face flushed with relief, and a smile broke out across it.

"So tell me, Mr. McKagan. How come you're in economy on an international flight from San Fran to Sydney?"

He shrugged with a smile.

"Felt like a change of scenery. The jet gets boring."

She snorted, rolling her eyes.

"So, Y/N?"

He smiled, still slightly on edge.

"Mhm?"

"Why are you going to Sydney?"

"I'm moving there. For work."

"Woah, all the way from good old San Fran?"

"Yep. I'm excited. It comes with a nice raise. So maybe I'll be in first class next time."

"That's great."

His hand fidgeted with the seat.

"Duff?"

He hummed, looking at her.

"If... uh if you'd like... you can snuggle with me? I know it's super weird but I'm getting cold looking at your bare arms so-"

"I'd love to."

He grinned, moving closer. Y/N grinned back, lifting the blanket. He wormed underneath it, shuffling to lay, pressed against her chest with his head tucked into the crook of her neck. Y/N draped the blanket across his back, worming her arms under. Duff sighed, content, and draped his arms around her loosely.

"Should've had a paic attack ages ago."

Y/N huffed a breath at what he had to say, swatting where she could reach.

"Oh uh.. I said I was going to make amends so I-I uh... I guess I'll start with you... When I got onto the plane- and I saw this was my seat, you smiled at me. And I didn't smile back. I just sat down. I'm sorry. You're like really beautiful, and I was nervous. So I'm sorry about that, for not greeting you."

Y/N listened to him, grinning as he spoke. He leaned his chin against her chest, looking up at her.

"That's quite alright. I forgive you."

He grinned, moving so that his cheek was resting against her chest again.

"You're like one of the coolest people I've met, if not the coolest. I don't know any other lady that would do this for me. Let alone a stranger after I ignored her and then woke her up."

"Well, we're not strangers anymore, are we?"

"I suppose not."

And that's how he found himself falling asleep, something he didn't not at all even consider when boarding the flight. Y/N found herself hugging the man from the magazine she'd had a few fantasies about, the one who's music helped her through tough studying nights.

"You were there for me, I'll always be here for you."

She whispered to the sleeping figure of Duff McKagan in her arms, pressing a soft kiss to his hair. He seemed to further relax against her and she smiled, closing her own eyes.

Xxxx

Fin. Very rushed. Written during a thunderstorm the night before an audit at work. Promise my stuff will be better when I have time.

Lots of love, always xx

[winter-dayz]

For the Best

Pairing: Shin Ryujin x Reader Alien AU; Yandere Genre: Fluff; Horror Words: 2424 Warnings: dead dove: do not eat; implied kidnapping; insects; murder; strong language; violence

Masterlist | Fictober Masterpost

Taglist:  @soobin-chois

Ryujin,

'The first time I saw you, I was… well, for lack of a better word, amazed…'

You had been finishing a hike when you saw it.

A shooting star… well, a falling star really.

Falling rapidly, actually.

Fuck. It seemed like it was heading right for you, and you were just going to stand there making a wish like a fucking idiot?!

You were stuck.

You knew everyone died someday. You knew that you yourself would grow old and wither away as well. Or maybe die a bit prematurely from a cardiovascular disease or cancer—those are the leading causes of death globally after all. Hell, you wouldn’t even be surprised if you died in a car accident.

But a shooting star pummeling you into the ground? That hadn’t been on your ‘Ways I Might Die’ list.

“Fuck!” You screeched, dropping down to the ground as the object flew over you and crashed into the ground a few meters away.

You rolled over from your belly and flopped onto your back, breathing heavily to prevent the panic attack rising in your chest.

Smoke trailed where you had just been standing.

The—not really—shooting star would’ve for sure decapitated you.

You heard mechanics whirring and sat up, peering over to the cloud of dirt and smoke at the definitely not a shooting star.

It looked like a… car?

Like, kind of. But not really.

The metal hunk was car-sized and car-shaped but sleeker and with no tires. Where you would expect wheels was the glow that had given it the appearance of a star.

Or maybe a comet, if you thought hard enough about your science class days.

The glow was green and dying out as the whirring died down with it. The metal of the… UFO… creaked, and you heard the sound of pressurized air escaping. A door on the side swung upwards, very SLS AMG-style.

You stared, amazed, as a woman stepped out.

She was beautiful… otherworldly… terrifying.

“I apologize, human. I lost control of my aircraft.” She stated, very factually and less sympathetic than you would normally receive during an apology. “Have you been injured in any way?”

You couldn’t find words to answer her so you simply shook your head.

“Ah, good, you understand me. Do you also speak, human?”

Again, you just nodded. You were sure you looked like an idiot, with your eyes so wide you could feel them drying out and your mouth hanging open slightly. You definitely looked like the kind of stupid person who would die from a totally preventable accident.

Like a not-shooting-star crashing into you on an open hiking trail… at night… alone.

Or being murdered by a hot, albeit creepy, woman who came out of an alien spaceship on said hiking trail alone at night.

Her head tilted curiously as she observed you. You claimed to speak but continued to use no words. “Odd human.” She spoke. “Still, I require your assistance. My craft was hit by several asteroids in your planetary systems’ belt and thus fell into the gravitational pull of your homeworld. As such, it is your responsibility to host me until I can fix my vehicle.”

“Me?” You whispered.

She nodded, a smile upturning her purple lips ever so slightly. “Yes. You are the only one around, are you not?”

You shook your head rapidly, “Yes, but I mean… Shouldn’t you be asking me to take you to my leader or something?” “I have no use for your planet’s leader. I simply require shelter.” The smile dropped from her lips. You had to stop staring at her lips. Even if they were pretty and purple and kissable. “You will help me, human.”

Slowly, you nodded once more, the threat in her tone was subtle but clear. She moved closer, holding out a hand to help you stand.

“You may address me as Ryujin. How may I address you? Or is human sufficient?”

“Oh um… You can call me Y/N.”

🎃

'It wasn’t hard to get to know you. You seemed so up front about where you came from, your life and interests, and even your feelings for me…'

Ryujin was, surprisingly, easy to talk to… once you did some serious compartmentalizing and deluding about a spaceship nearly brutally beheading you and a beautiful alien somewhat forcing you to let her sleep on your sofa bed.

Either way, she looked human enough… if you ignored the permanently purple lips and faraway, yet calculative, gaze she constantly held.

She answered all of your questions and was actually rather excitable and cute when you would ask her about her home and interests. She loved telling you about her pets back home, Byul and Dal, in particular.

“You know…” Ryujin hummed, “I think I like you, Y/N.”

You choked on your food, and she sat back in her seat, observing you—as she often did—while you continued to cough and sputter. 

Ryujin had only lived with you for roughly two or three weeks at that point. The repairs on her aircraft had been slow, as she had casually explained that it was hard to get the right kind of materials for such advanced technology. You weren’t sure how her ship worked so you couldn’t exactly refute her claims.

She had also made the point that this wasn’t her planet and being so unfamiliar with the area made her vulnerable to go anywhere alone. Because of this, she insisted that you needed to go with her whenever she left your apartment. That also made progress slow since you had to work during the days and had even begun picking up a few more hours to help cover the cost of feeding an extra mouth. She didn’t love that you weren’t around for the majority of the weekdays, but she said she understood.

When you were free, you would spend the day showing Ryujin around the city. You explained about different types of businesses and shops, trying to help her in any way you could think to find somewhere that would have the parts she needed… or at least something that could substitute.

It was lucky for you that none of your friends had reached out the past few weeks either. It was odd… since you usually met up at least once a week for coffee or a meal or even drinks… but it was lucky. Really, how would you explain Ryujin’s sudden appearance in your life, and her confusion over particularly mundane things? No, it was definitely simpler that it was just the two of you trying to navigate this situation.

🎃

'You made it easy to fall for you. I don’t want to say no one had ever shown me interest before, but no one showed it quite like you did…'

“Tell me you feel the same.” Ryujin whispered. The back of her hand stroked your cheek, and your eyes fluttered closed.

A smile lifted the corners of your lips, “Yes, I’m falling for you too…”

Her lips broke into a smile, wide and striking white against purple. “I knew you would.”

Ryujin had confessed to you about three months into her stay on Earth, and though it was fast, you couldn’t help but feel the same.

Something about her was so captivating and magnetic.

She pulled you in, and you didn’t want to be let go. She was comforting and warm to you, even if she looked so coldly at others. She listened and let you lean on her. She was like a life raft when you felt like you were drowning in anxieties.

Ryujin just made life easier. She made it better…

When you came home from work one evening and sobbed because of how your boss had berated you and how you felt like he might be right, she was right there with a shoulder to cry on and a comforting hand rubbing your back. Her sweet words, whispered in your ear, were about all your positive qualities.

And if you didn’t notice how your boss flinched whenever you looked in his direction the next day, it was for the best.

When the two of you went out for lunch one weekend and a clumsy waiter accidently spilled the table over’s meal on your new white dress, she was quick to pass her blazer to you so that you could clean and cover up the transparent fabric.

And if you didn’t see how Ryujin dumped her own food onto the waiter when you rushed off to the restroom while he was attempting to clean the floor, it was for the best.

When you worked late one night and just as you reached your walk-up apartment door someone tried to rob you, she was there in the blink of an eye, knocking the absolute shit out of the guy and pouncing on him. She had straddled him, fists raining down on his face, and it took all your strength to pull her off of him, scolding her that assaulting someone is something you can’t just do on Earth and that it could’ve been greatly unsafe for her.

And if you didn’t see her bright smile when the robber’s nose cracked and he staggered to stand with blood being coughed up, it was for the best.

When your ex sent you a long text, begging for a second chance and explaining what had gone wrong before and how much he missed you, you ranted to Ryujin about how he was just a little too late. You expressed your confusion to her because you hadn’t really ended on bad terms, but you didn’t really feel that way for him anymore, even if you still had some of your favorite memories with him. She listened patiently, reassuring you that it was okay to move on and turn him down.

And if you didn’t think too hard about it how a few days later when you tried to call him back and received a message that the number was no longer in service, it was for the best.

Everything was just easier with Ryujin around. She made it… the best.

🎃

'But, unfortunately, I found that our… interests… didn’t always line up. Of course, couples can have their differences, but our differences are too much for me to handle…'

“I swear, they need to do something about the smell.” Your neighbor complained, while you two loitered near the mailboxes.

You hummed in agreement. Over the past couple weeks, the main floor had started to smell… Like really smell. You had to sympathize with your neighbor. Since she lived on the first floor, the smell would’ve been stronger for her. You considered yourself lucky that on the third floor the stench only reached you occasionally through the air ducts.

Your neighbor continued, “It has to be coming from the basement.” She shook her head and added conspiratorially, “Smells like something died. And I swear to you, I saw a maggot crawling out of my floor vents.”

You paused at her conviction that something sinister was hiding in the basement. Glancing in the direction of the downstairs door, you hesitated while your neighbor headed back into her own apartment.

What she said didn’t sit right. Something in your brain worried you. Could it just be your general anxiety? It wouldn’t hurt to check right?

You headed down the stairs.

Fuck. You shouldn’t have gone downstairs. You should’ve minded your business. Your neighbor should’ve kept her mouth shut.

There were bodies.

So. many. bodies.

The first one you noticed was your ex… His number had been disconnected. After you had talked to Ryujin. Fuck…

Then you saw that guy who tried to rob you, with a still broken nose and missing tooth, and… was that the waiter who spilled food on you? Fuck, fuck…

Your boss was there too. You thought he had been on a vacation that week… Fuck, fuck, FUCK.

There were others too. Just bodies. Corpses.

Some fresher than others. Maggots and swarms of flies and… bodies.

You almost vomited.

If you hadn’t felt paralyzed, you probably would’ve.

You couldn’t scream.

You needed to get out of there.

You needed to… get away.

🎃

'I’m sorry, Ryujin. I had fun with you. I liked you… I really did. But, I think it’s for the best if we end whatever it was that we had. You need to go back to your home anyway, right? We should leave things on a good note and go our separate ways now.'

-Y/N

She was dangerous.

Of course she was, she was a fucking alien.

She had literally crashed onto your planet and told you that you were going to shelter her, and you had deluded yourself that you would be safe because what… she was pretty?

You believed she was sweet and innocent because she talked about her family and friends and pets back home so lovingly.

But you didn’t really know anything.

She had been killing people.

And you couldn’t even be sure of why.

Was she fully carnivorous? Did she eat humans?

No… There was no obvious sign that she had been… consuming them? So what?

You thought hard.

So many of them were a part of your life somehow. Had she done that… for you?

You couldn’t do this. You couldn’t be around her.

You were afraid.

If you tried to just end things… Would she kill you too?

Write a letter.

Yeah, that felt safe, you’d write a letter and leave it for her when you went to work. You wouldn’t come back. You’d leave right after, head somewhere else. Somewhere safe.

You’d be okay…

Except you weren’t.

You’d left the letter; she’d been asleep on the sofa bed still.

She looked so peaceful. So innocent.

You’d left the letter on the side table; you’d taken a bag with you.

She found you as you left work.

You’d never told her where you worked. You’d never showed her the building or what floor your office was on.

She was standing in the door to the office.

Everyone else had left.

You were alone.

You were afraid.

“I apologize, Y/N. However, I cannot let you leave me.” A slow smile split Ryujin’s lips as she peered at you. Before, you had loved that smile; now, you were so, so afraid.

Your eyes trailed from her sadistic smile to the letter in her hands. Your letter.

Fuck.

You were supposed to be long gone.

“I just love you too much to ever let you go.”

[maramontwrites]

Dragon Slayer

The man standing before me seems to be a perfectly normal human being, but I know better than that. I've seen enough monsters in my live to recognize one when it’s right in front of me, even in disguise. They're actually pretty simple to spot, as long as you know what to look out for. A weird patch of hair might give away a werewolf, a greyish skin tone means a sea creature has gotten legs. Dragons are usually easy. Strange eyes, some scales that are still exposed, an unsteady tread, signaling that they’re not used to walking on two legs. I could pick a dragon out of a crowd from a mile away.

This man is different. I can't find a single flaw in his appearance. He must be used to living disguised as a human. Even so, I know for sure he is not human. I might not be able to see anything right now, but I can feel it. When you have been in this line of work as long as I have, spotting monsters becomes a second nature, an extra sense. And right now, that sense is telling me that this man is a dragon.

“Can I help you, young man?” he asks, when he spots me. He looks like a nice older man, with grey hair, lightly wrinkled skin and a gentle smile. Even his voice sounds normal, with no hint of that strange accent most dragons speak with.

My hand is resting on the hilt of my sword, ready to attack once he shows his true colors. “Do these people know?” I ask. My plan is to let him reveal his real form to me, so the villagers won't think I killed an innocent man. Besides, killing a full-sized dragon makes for a better story.

“I’m sorry, I don't understand your question. What should they know?” He's still smiling, unaware of the fate that's waiting for him.

“Do they know that a monster is walking among them, disguised as one of them?” I speak quietly, to not alert the nearby villagers. I don’t want them to start running around in a panic.

“Oh.” He looks surprised for a second, before going back to that smile. “They do, actually.”

Now it's my turn to be surprised. “They do?” I'm not sure how to respond. This is not how I expected this conversation to go.

“Yes, they do. Although, I don't think they'd describe me as a ‘monster’.”

“What would they describe you as?” I ask. They're the first words I can think of that make sense. All my other thoughts are just different variations of What is happening right now?!

“I'm not sure. Why don't you ask them?”

I look around and see some of the villagers walking past. They all happily smile at the man, some greeting him with a wave or a nod.

“I can see that you're confused, young adventurer. You can follow me, and I will explain. If you're willing to listen, of course.”

I just nod, not knowing what else to do. At least he hasn't tried to kill me yet. That's one bonus compared to other dragon encounters I've had. I follow the man into a large building that looks like a town hall, made entirely out of wood. As soon as we enter, we get greeted by a young woman sitting behind a reception desk.

“Hello, sir. Welcome back!” she says. Her eyes move over to me, her expression a mix of suspicion and curiosity. “And who's this stranger?"

“Just someone who wants to kill me”, he says. Before she can respond, he opens one of the doors behind him and motions me to come inside. I quickly follow before the woman can try to stop me.

He closes the door behind me. The room were in seems to be an office, with a large desk in the middle and bookcases covering the walls. Behind the desk, between two windows, is a large painting. It is a very accurate portrait of the man, almost looking exactly the same as he does now, even though the dust on the frame and the cracks in the paint indicate that the painting must be very old. I can actually see reptile-like traits in his eyes and traces of scales on his neck, some of the classic imperfections dragons have in their human form, in the portrait. It must've been made when he wasn't used to being human.

“That painting was made two hundred years ago”, he says, conforming my suspicions. Although I didn't expect it – or him – to be that old. “After seeing the destruction that others of my species had caused, I wanted to do something good for the humans. So, I gathered some of them and together we build this town. It's a safe space from all the ‘monsters’, as you call them.” He looks me straight in the eyes now, so intensely that it makes me want to look away. “As you can see, I have no ill intentions. I want nothing but good for these people.”

“This is not a trick?” I mumble. I've never met a dragon with good intentions. My intuition, trained on years of hunting others like him, won’t let me believe him. Despite all this evidence I'm presented with, I can't shake the feeling that something bad is about to happen.

“No, this is not a trick. If I wanted to hurt them, don’t you think I would have done so years ago?” His voice is calming and his reasoning convincing enough to make me to trust him.  

“Yes, you’re right. Sorry to have bothered you, then. I'll be leaving now”, I say, turning back to the door. I want to leave this situation as soon as possible. Talking to someone I was planning to kill just minutes ago is not my favorite thing to do.

“Wait.” I can feel his hand around my arm, pulling me back with force. His grip is a lot tighter than I expected from him. “You can't leave.” The calm in his voice is gone and I can hear hints of that old dragon accents coming through. Instinctively, I reach for my sword, but his grip on my arm is too strong for me to move.

“Why not?” I ask, trying to hide my fear. He was so reasonable just now. Part of me hopes that I can still talk myself out of this. Most of me knows that not going to happen.

He pulls me closer to him, forcing my face right in front of his. “I can't have you get out and tell others about me. People like you will come here. It will comprise the safety of our village.” He smiles.

It's the last thing I see before a claw rips open my chest.

[v3nusxsky]

Hi :) can I ask for Lesso and reader who is terrified of bees wasps etc.? Reader is a fellow teacher and came into the class where Lesso was teaching and saw the scene with bees and got a panic attack and all of the pupils were laughing and mocking the reader for being a never and being afraid of bees and Lesso stands in her defence and helps her calm down. 🌺

Sweet like Honey

*Authors note~ confession I'm also a tad like this with bees if I am caught off guard and wasps terrify me also the request flickers from reader to lesso being scared so I decided to go with Leonora as our girl deserves some comfort. I’m so sorry I’m late posting this I fell asleep and yeah I’m sorry guys*

Trigger warnings~ bees? Teasing? Panic attacks mentioned

Prompt~ see ask^^^

Teaching at the schools for Good and Evil was certainly an experience but it was one you had grown to love. Teaching was always something you desired to do, so when the opportunity came up you were willing to run head first for it, despite the fact others warned you over the school for Evils antics and their Dean. You didn't want to base it off hearsay so you went and started at the schools.

It took some time for you to adjust but when you did you were so glad you trusted your own instincts and took the job. And that's how you found yourself walking the halls to the Curses and Deathtraps class room where the one and only Lady Leonora Lesso was currently teaching. Normally, you'd wait for her class to end before bothering her but this was urgent and you remember her words from your first day, "should you need me come and find me."

The first thing you noticed was how uncharacteristically loud the classroom was. Leonora wasn't one for allowing such things from her students so you did the only thing you could think off, enter. After all you have a duty of care. The sight that met you wasn't anything like what you had expected to see. Lesso crouched down in a corner shaking violently as she appeared to be struggling for air, her class crowding around her and throwing insults and what they thought to be jokes about the red head being absolutely terrified of what appeared to be bees.

"Settle down, go back to your seats and please be quiet, you all have fears and quite frankly I'm disappointed in you all especially some of the Ever students in here, Dovey will be finding out about your un Ever like behaviour" you directed and made your way to the scared red head. The students eventually found their seats after a few hard stares and ignored the two adults in the room.

"Leo?" You murmured watching the red head struggling to breath and rocking her self in an attempt to self soothe. She may be the great Dean of Evil, but she is human so seeing her like this, was truly killing you. "It's okay Leo, it's just me no one else is looking and they are gone Leo" you murmured reassuringly as you rubbed her back. The older woman threw herself into your body causing you to instinctively hold her. "Shhh it's okay it's all okay"

It became clear soon enough that Leo was using you as an excuse to hide so you dismissed the class a little earlier than usual. "It's just us love" you murmured, your nimble fingers scratching gently at her skull. "M sorry you saw me weak" she mumbled into your neck not quite ready to leave her safe haven. "Leo, you aren't weak, I still love my hot headed, sarcastic, ferocious and gorgeous girlfriend. You still totally can strike fear into anyone Leo, you're human and fears are normal love" you paused to encourage her from your neck to look at your eyes, "and I'll always be here to protect you from them."

Word count~ 655