#{{he’s likely also distressed over this in some capacity}}

[sideblog-side-b]

As of yesterday this was confirmed by OOB themselves. This is the link to their tiktok video about it which is full of red flags.

Some quick important points for anyone whi doesn't want to give them views:

They denied nearly all allegations and called the ex volunteers a bunch of liars spreading misinformation and disinformation (with no evidence of such)

They claimed they are an npo and said it's written in several places, they included screenshot of that, but no screenshots providing proof its actually an official status.

They said they aren't searchable on the IRS site because they haven't filed taxes, which is why they can't provide proof of being an NPO.

From the IRS website:

A tax exempt organization may need a letter to confirm its tax-exempt status or to reflect a change in its name or address. If so, an organization may generally contact Customer Account Services by phone, letter, or fax to request an affirmation letter

A letter or fax requesting an affirmation letter must include your organization’s ● full name ● Employer Identification Number and ● authorized signature (an officer or trustee)

The individual signing the letter must state the capacity in which he or she is signing (for example, “John Smith, President”).

They said they are not a 501(3c) org and that due to "their agreement" they will not be publicly disclosing who their financial sponsor is

Said you if youre worried about any of this you can watch videos from them and their partners distributing aid

On that note, they had previously posted this chart before removing once people started asking why the percentages don't add up to 100% of their expenses and how they made 46% look like over half.

Said they don't pocket money from aid, but that their aid goes to aid and operational costs, how they're skills, time, and labor of the people involved "deserve respect"

They said as an npos aren't 'subject to' FOIA requests which is why they didn't respond to the FOIA requests made by the ex-volunteers.

On the subject of families not reveiving aid in retaliation: they say this isnt true and that their aid partners decide how aid is distributed since they are the people on the ground

Claims ex volunteers emotionally manipulated families to "falsely claim" that aid was going to be cut off cuz they were no longer volunteering with OOB.

Claim the ex volunteers are trying to build a campaign to "attempt to target our partners and to build distrust and despair among already distressed families"

Claimed that the "primary" ex volunteer leading this campaign left amicably and even expressed gratitude when they did. They DID provide proof of that (although it seems there was certainly more to the message)

They claimed that person was "hostile" and pivoted ti "disturbing behavior" by way of making racist rants towards 2 indigenous members at OOB's core and reaching out to partners to jeopardize OOB funding, "and ultimately cute the financial lifeline that allows crucial aid and resources and psychologically harmed Palestinian families and aid workers."

Sending the cease and desist and reporting the former members to FBI for fraud/cyber harassment was done due to legal council "to prevent further escalation"

After saying that they ask anyone who shared videos to take them down or make "good faith corrections"

They finish up the video by saying this was an instance of white supremacist depravity which will not stop them from continuing to provide aid so "don't hand this to them on an silver platter."

I want to stress they provided no proof of absolutely anything except a screenshot of a single text and several screenshots of them calling themselves an org with NPO status... on their own pages.

They also had previously posted this pie chart in an attempt to be more transparent

But it was taken down.

I can only assume it was because people saw that somehow 46% (dark green) of expenses made up over half the chart and that the percentages given didn't add up to 100% which left about 15% of their money unaccounted for.

That's $205,422.

And idek how you could Accidentally make 46% seem like over 50% in a pie chart without intentionally plugging in inaccurate numbers.

But anyway. Yeah.

Things are not looking good for OOB. they really said "source: trust me bro" and provided a shitty pie chart.

idk when/if that post will upload but allegedly operation olive branch has been reporting some of its ex-volunteers to the feds over calls for transparency about operations/where money was going to, @drchygunn on tiktok has more details

consider donating to palestinian-led orgs, other credible orgs, or directly to the many, many palestinian families in need

edit: oob's critics have emphasized that the spreadsheet/list that they have and the families on it are legitimate despite this and to continue supporting those families directly

[dalliancekay]

Aziraphale, misogyny and the female character treatment

I don't know if anyone wrote a post about this but I see from time to time comments to this end - that Aziraphale is treated like the female leads in films often are, obviously especially romantic films. So I'm gonna try to point how I see this. I welcome further insights of course.

Say we take a basic premise of a romantic film: A girl is wooed by a bad boy for example. And she is a good girl, from a good, proper family and everything so she refuses his advances. This goes on through his various ploys to entertain and romance her, do things for her etc etc and frustrates us as the audience because we can see the bad boy is actually good, her family is oppressive and holding her back and that she (deep down) cares for him (if only she was brave enough to admit it to herself) and so we want her to open her eyes and say she is actually in love with him cos her life will be so much better should she (finally) give in and run away with him.

Familiar? Reasons Aziraphale is not her and the analogy does not fit (but that I so often see in metas and takes about her):

Aziraphale always knew her family is shit. Or at least longer than Crowley did. She was already anxious in Before the Beginning about what she thought Angel!Crowley could and could not say or do without getting into trouble.

She knows Crowley is good. She never doubted him. Whatever he says or does or pretends to do or must do for his job. Aziraphale knows he's inherently good and would always do good if he can.

She knows she's in love - I mean we can argue about when each realised this and also when each realised the other loves them back just as fiercely, but they both know. And they both love. And they both long to be together. Aziraphale is not ashamed of her feelings nor hiding or suppressing them for fear they are wrong or immoral or other BS like that.

Aziraphale doesn't need to overcome her love for her family/employer and finally make the leap to be with Crowley. They simply can't leave their bosses without punishment. Neither of them. They live in a dictatorship with nowhere to go. And just because Crowley experienced both sides, doesn't give him some huge insight that Aziraphale completely lacks. Both places are awful. Their separation isn’t about fear of societal judgment (or Aziraphale's unwillingness to give up Heaven, being seen as good, being an angel - and to what end, to Fall? I really don't know what takes like this want from her, it would not work anyway), it’s about survival in a system that won’t let them be together.

Aziraphale doesn't want to change Crowley. She never did. She asked for Crowley to come to Heaven as an angel because that was THE ONLY option she had for them to be together in any capacity at that point. It was NOT an attempt to “fix” him—it was a desperate bid for a way they could be together at all.

One thing I don't see as much anymore is the call for Aziraphale to change. Obviously she's pretty but she would be prettier if she lost those century old clothes maybe and started listening to something made after 1950? Be more cool to match Crowley? Less stuffy?

These kind of film premises are already pointless, offensive and make me roll my eyes, but to stick them all over Aziraphale and huff cos she doesn't do what the clever sexy man in dark clothes and sunglasses says she should - well that makes me angry.

And so do takes and mischaracterisations that ignore Aziraphale as silly, her worries as pointless, sometimes excessive - maybe she's just hysterical, you know? The one time she shows more emotion, in F15, she is so often completely ignored in her obvious distress just because Crowley is trying to confess his love at the same time and seemingly 'not getting through,' because Aziraphale is not reacting the way everyone expects. So many takes that always assume Crowley is right, no matter what. Even when he calls Aziraphale an idiot. If Crowley says that, it must be true. No matter that the book spells out in Terry's voice that the angel is extremely clever.

Aziraphale’s charm lies in her kindness, her love for books and knowledge, her whimsy, and her quiet courage. These qualities don’t make her naive—they make her resilient. She often hides how she truly feels, hides her grief, her pain, her true desires, hides what she really thinks; always always to protect herself and her beloved. She is often forced to say stuff she doesn't mean. Again. To keep the one she loves and their fragile relationship safe. But where people seem to catch on with that on Crowley's side, they don't with Aziraphale. She is fierce when pushed and will defend the defenceless (humans) and the ones she loves (Crowley) to her last breath (whether she needs to breathe is irrelevant right now okay).

She loves her bookshop. She built this home, full of knowledge for herself and her demon and you can take this HC from my cold hands. That she was forced to leave it, only emphasises how little choice she had in Final 15. Good Omens has two main, equal characters; who are both gorgeous and complex and deep and neither is right or wrong or in need of saving or learning some huge lesson to get to their goal and be together. What needs to change is the world, the system they live in. And they will change it.

Just look at her!! Anyway. I love her. P.S. Just to add, many, many (if not all) bad takes on Aziraphale are also bad takes on Crowley. They mischaracterise and misunderstand just how deeply and unconditionally he loves Aziraphale. How he adores her and understands and accepts her just as she is. He does not expect or want Aziraphale to change in any way. He knows why they are not together. And it's not Aziraphale's fault, it's because of circumstances, not because of her choices. Crowley would never ever want Aziraphale to suffer, he wouldn't expect her to come back from Heaven saying how sorry she is for what happened, how stupid and blind she was and how he was always right. That's just not going to happen. ------------------------------------------ @tenok I simply must highlight the awesomeness you put in hashtags!! EVERYBODY please read:

Thank you sm for this!!

[gghostwriter]

hi dear author! how are you?

I have a request for Spencer where reader has a head injury and passes out and Spencer's reaction to it and the aftermath. I found your fic around 15 mins ago and I'm in love with them<3

Thank you!!

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader Trope: Established Relationship; Fluff! Just fluff Warning: Medical inaccuracies A/N: I’m sensing a pattern with the request writing I’m doing—most of them deal with a head injury of some sort but I am having fun trying to make it different the the earlier works. No further editing was done but I hope you enjoy it! Main masterlist

Bundle of Nerves. // Spencer Reid

The bright and playful disposition of your kindergarten students was one of things you looked forward to every Monday. How each student would go up to you to chatter about how their weekend went—family went to the park or to the library or to the beach—and how in return, they’ll ask if you also enjoyed the weekend as much as they did. 

But something seemed off today, you really couldn’t specify where it all started. Maybe it was you falling back to sleep after your alarm went off, or maybe it was you missing breakfast, or maybe it was just all of the above. 

Either way, everything was going sideways and it was just about to get worse. The lights seemed darker, the children’s voices were distorted, and the room was starting to sway. Feeling the need to sit down, you were only able to take a couple of steps to your desk before promptly fainting—smacking your forehead on the floor and the children screaming for help.

———

Spencer wasn’t one to wish for a case to land on JJ’s desk but at 1:30pm on a Monday, he found himself twiddling his thumbs and calculating his rocket launches using his expansive brain capacity—all paper filings done and submitted early. He swiveled to face Morgan who was caught red handed about to throw a paper clip in his direction. 

“Hey Kid,” he cleared his throat, trying to act nonchalantly. “You done with your paperwork?”

“Yeah, now I’m thinking of how to improve my rocket magic. Hey do you think if I add more—” 

The vibration of his phone on the table interrupted his sentence. His eyebrows furrowed as he took in the unregistered number. Curious but definitely wary, he pressed ‘accept’.

“Hi, this is Dr. Spencer Reid. Who is this?”

A female voice answered. “Hi Dr. Spencer Reid, I’m calling from Virginia State Hospital. Y/N had you listed down as her emergency contact. She was admitted—”

The remaining information all sounded muffled. His breathing was spiking up and all he could hear now was the rapid staccato beating of his heart. He couldn’t think straight. Is this what unknowing family members of victims feel when they receive a distress call? Like the rug was pulled under their feet? He couldn’t comprehend what to do, how to—

“Dr. Reid, are you still there?”

He cleared his throat. “Yes—yes, I’ll be there soon.”

Before the voice could say another word, he ended the call, was out of his desk, and up the steps to his unit chief’s office, SSA Aaron Hotchner. 

“Reid, what is it?” the stern BAU leader clocking in the distress painted on the genius’ face.

“I-it’s Y/N. She was admitted at hospital and—”

He nodded. “Go, Reid. I’ll explain to the team and HR.”

With a quick ‘thank you’, he ducked out of the bullpen to the elevator, grateful that he opted to drive to Quantico today rather than take his usual train route.

Maybe he should have borrowed the government owned SUV instead, he thought to himself when he turned to the main road and saw the congestion. Hotch would have understood, he just wasn’t sure how to explain that in paperwork but this counted as an emergency, right? It felt like a life or death situation to him—for him and for you. 

When he exited the bottleneck traffic, Spencer wanted to floor the gas. His foot itched to stomp on the accelerator and worry about the fines later. But the idea of getting caught, being pulled over, and wasting more precious seconds away from your side was enough for him to second guess it—that and his tight white knuckle grip on the steering wheel. 

He should have asked for more information over the phone call but the second his mind registered the words, it went to overdrive and out of the window—his emotions were running high and clouding every logical thought possible. He had an IQ of 187 but all he could think of was you. You, the love of his life. You, his fiancee, lying down on a hospital bed, alone and unconscious. Any man, no matter how smart they are, would react the same way he did when it involves a loved one.

He parked his car at the first slot he could find in the hospital parking lot and ran straight to the reception.

“I’m looking for Y/N. She was admitted a while ago. I-I’m her fiancee.” Spencer hurriedly introduced himself.

The nurse nodded once, stating your floor and room number. Without so much as an acknowledgement, he ran to the nearest elevator and willed it to open any faster.

Spencer felt like he ran a marathon by the time he found your room and seeing you there, lying on your bed—conscious, thank god—took a little weight off his chest. He breathed out your name in relief. “What happened? Did you—did you hit your head?”

Your hand gingerly touched the bandage on your forehead. “I think so. I started to feel faint so I was walking back to my chair. I must have hit my head on my way down—”

He took your hands into his, kissing it. “You had me so worried. Did the doctor say anything? Diagnosis? Cause? Treatment?”

“No. When I came to, only a nurse was here. She left to page the doctor but it’s okay—I feel fine now.”

Spencer opened his mouth, no doubt to chide you about minimizing your pain and health, but then the doctor walked in with a clipboard on hand.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Smith. How are we feeling?”

“She said she was feeling faint before she hit her head. Does she have a concussion? Why did she feel faint—was it stress? Hypoglycemia? Labyrinthitis? Vertebrobasilar insufficiency?” Spencer rattled off.

 “Well, your husband sure knows medical terminology. Are you a Doctor too?” the physician asked.

Spencer’s brows met in between, finding the whole interaction off-putting. Here he was about to have a nervous breakdown and your doctor was as calm as a cucumber. “Fiancee, actually, and yes Doctor, 3 Phds not MD.”

“Impressive, and to answer your questions, Doc. None of the above.” 

His eyes widened. “Then it could be hypo—” 

Dr. Smith smiled and shook his head. “It’s not that either.” He reached into his clipboard, removing a prescription pad, and quickly jotting down medicine. “Here you go. She’ll need to take a capsule a day and I suggest a healthy balanced meal, exercise, and plenty of bed rest.”

Spencer’s eyes widened when he realized what the chicken scratch handwriting said. 

“What—what is it?” You asked in worry as Spencer seemed to have glitched.

The doctor grinned at you.“Congratulations, you’re pregnant.” 

Silence. 

“I-I’m what?!” 

The doctor chuckled. “You’re 3 weeks along so you’re still in the early stages. Your body is still adjusting—the fainting spell was caused by change in your hormones and low blood pressure. I suggest you schedule an appointment with your OB/GYN as soon as possible and get ample rest—” he looked at the couple once more before exiting the room. “—congratulations, again.”

The tears that started to gather in your eyes seemed to bring Spencer back to life. “Oh love, are those—are those happy tears or—?” 

You nodded. “Happy tears, Spence. I can’t believe it!” 

He reached out to hug you to his chest. “I love you, Y/N. You make me feel like the luckiest man in the world.” 

You giggled. “I guess we have to tell your team about the baby genius on board, huh?” 

He laughed, remembering how Emily once asked him if he ever planned on having one and here he was about to become a father. 

You gasp, causing him to lean back and look at you with worry—did he hug you too tight? Did you feel— 

“I’m not going to fit in my wedding dress by then! Penny will have a fit! She had this vision and—” 

He leaned down to interrupt your ramblings. 

“I’m sure she’ll forgive you, especially if you're turning her into an aunt.”

You smiled, peering through your eyelashes. “Y’know we might have to find a new apartment soon. Just imagining how much shopping Penny would do for our baby genius even before he or she is born is making me shudder.”

He laughed. “Me too, love. Me too.”

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[hastyprovocateur]

An analysis of Mizu×Akemi

Mizu gave up Akemi to Lord Daichi's men saying her path of revenge has no room for "love, friendship or weakness." She looked Ringo up and down at "weakness" after which he got offended and ended his apprenticeship for not helping Akemi. Mizu's eyes held guilt as Akemi cried out for her, hoping to be by Mizu's side and not go through with her marriage to the Shogun's son. Mizu was aware that if she fought Daichi's men, it meant more would be coming, which inadvertently meant more time having Akemi around, growing close to her... peering into her soul, breaking some walls... like she did at Madam Kaji's when she lay bare the fact that she's not the killer she pretends to be. Which was hammer meets nail as far as Mizu's singular purpose is concerned. It also means a lot that Mizu's appearance in itself wasn't scary to Akemi, or worthy of contempt despite being an aristocrat in an extremely xenophobic time. Racism should've been her second language but she doesn't exercise it. She only noted the distress evident in Mizu's behavior. Her rage- "Your face isn't even so scary... you're just... angry."

The thing about noticing is... you keep noticing more. Especially someone as observant and calculated as Akemi. Mizu was aware of this, hence why she tested Akemi's mettle in the brothel knowing she was the princess all along, trying to get under her skin instead of the other way around- "You thought I wouldn't recognize you?" casting back to the very intense first sight exchanged between the two on the bridge in ep 1. Mizu looked up with little interest, yet the stoic samurai's jaw dropped upon their prolonged eye contact and she tracked the palanquin long after Akemi had left her line of sight. It's implicit that love, friendship, and weakness represent Akemi, Taigen, and Ringo respectively. When Ringo questioned why Mizu let the princess go, she stated that Akemi's "better off" almost following up with "without me." She didn't deem her marriage to the Shogun as favourable, hell, she was unimpressed by the fact that Akemi was trying to save her doomed engagement with Taigen, telling her she's "begging to eat trash" despite being a "magical forest creature," who could have anything she wants. Mizu still considered it the lesser evil as opposed to spending time alone with her.

This isn't the case with Taigen, whom she is decidedly more comfortable with even though he threatens her, and calls her slurs. In part, Mizu believes that she deserves the hatred. She's more familiar with it. With her past where she was the demon as opposed to the future where she could be loved. Imagining true love is cruel for Mizu so she rejects it and embraces her darkness. It protects her from people actually seeing her as a person. As a whole. She can loathe herself in peace. She can be a vessel of revenge. She even promised Taigen the duel he wanted to up and kill her in exchange for his honour. Believing she won't have much to live for after concluding her revenge. Akemi is not the same. She never wished to hurt Mizu, going only so far as to try and drug her, until Mizu made her believe she killed her fiancé. Akemi was soon able to see Mizu's honour when she fought alone against the Thousand Clawed to protect Kaji's girls. Akemi was bent on helping, braving the trained men to protect Ringo and then to save Mizu's life from the man who almost choked her to death.

I will forever love the detail of her vulnerability in the face of death being mirrored by Mizu's own intimacy with Mikio in the flashback, letting her body serve love over rage for once. Engaging in sex was a huge step towards transparency on Mizu's part. Also, the fact that Akemi, in her little capacity, wielded her knife and pulled the clawed men away from unconscious Mizu, trying to keep their focus on her. Knowing she could very well die. She tells Ringo "I have been a captive my whole life. If I die, I'll die free." And then she goes upstairs saying "Mizu can't hold them off alone." Acting, most likely, out of a place of love. I was also warmed at the instances of Akemi trying to "drug" Mizu before she took on the bitter task of killing Kinuyo and then a few scenes later "slapping her awake" from a burning memory of betrayal. When her father's men came to fetch her, Akemi did not doubt that Mizu would fight for her after she did the same for her, hence her asking for her validation "I'm not going anywhere... right, Mizu?". And Mizu would've fought them for her, what's 3 more men after a whole army? But something prevented her.

To ruin Akemi's strong faith in her then... as opposed to later? When more of her ugliness had spilled before the princess? When both their hearts were more open to be scrutinized by the other? Madam Kaji and Swordfather Eiji are both the motherly and fatherly advice Mizu sorely needs. That fighting is an art, not independent of loving. Mizu cannot evade love if she is to take on a bigger war. She cannot do it alone and the story's purpose keeps circling back to the same lesson. Fighting from a place of hatred can never be stronger than fighting from a place of love. Akemi, evidently, was hoping to seek refuge under Mizu's protection. She is loyal, as she was to Taigen even though he abandoned her in pursuit of his lost honor. But Mizu's betrayal broke her heart. At the end of the Bunraku play in ep 5, Akemi confessed that she met the Onryo but that it was "incapable of love." That she searched his eyes for "love or mercy or good," only finding darkness. Both Mizu and Akemi weighed the merit of love in each other, Mizu pushed Akemi away because she felt love and Akemi avoided Mizu because she felt her lack of love.

Taigen, Mizu's former bully, did learn to respect her as a fighter and comrade. Representing their growing camaraderie, how they fight alongside. Mizu told him about Akemi getting married off to the Shogun's son in her duty to him as a friend. Upon learning that she abandoned Akemi, Taigen is also reasonably pissed. Mizu is on the precipice of the rebirth of her katana. Swordfather is justified in being wary of her guilt and darkness, refusing to aid in her pursuit but only guiding her by way of asking her to seek peace, to unify herself. Which she does by adding Chiaki's broken blade (which Taigen took), Akemi's knife, Eiji's tongs and Ringo's bell into the forge. She is ready to make amends by going to save Akemi, to encourage her to leave with Taigen, to be honorable as Ringo wants, and to find peace as Eiji wishes. And ofc to fuck the shit out of Fowler.

Akemi's repeated assertion of "we are not friends" (accompanied by the angy eyes) when Mizu comes back to save her is reflective of that heartbreak Akemi felt after relying on Mizu for her freedom before. Mizu tries to fix this by showing her a way to Taigen, trying to do right by her, asking "Do you still want your freedom or not." To give her what she wants even if she disapproves of Akemi's choice when she states "He's not a good guy, but he could be a great one." Seki too, gives Akemi a share of her dowry he saved to build a free life "With Taigen, or without." Akemi did end up rejecting the idyllic runaway Taigen was willing to embark on, it is hard to say Mizu would take it as an opportunity to make a move on Taigen after deeming him unsuitable for a partner. It would be against her nature to try to jump in as a lover just because Akemi's out of the picture. Not when she's so hot on the track of striking down Skeffington and Routley. It's pretty straightforward if you ask me.

Mizu is focused on going up for a bigger war. To seek the truth. To turn London upside down to kill all the four white demons that sabotaged her life since conception. This is parallel to Akemi deciding to stay and take control of the Shogunate through her powers over her decidedly meek husband. To take control of her life against all the odds that seek to box her up. I do not doubt that she will move to include Kaji and her girls in her retinue, subdue her father's machinations and rebuild Edo, and wrest power from whoever threatens her. Love doesn't seem to be on her cards. Kaji told her to choose a path of freedom through a man, not to choose a man to love like she'd been doing all along- "Stop running to and from men and decide what you want for your fucking self." Could this mean that Akemi is to never chase men romantically? Either way, Akemi follows through pretty quickly. Takoyoshi is a means to an end. Her sexual prowess was her first tool to entry into the Shogunate. Nothing more than an instrument of control as opposed to her initiating any sort of genuine romantic bond.

I fail to see as of now where Mizu and Taigen's paths collide romantically further since the latter clearly showed his intention to abandon all pursuits of greatness and to settle down. Which is vastly opposed to what Mizu and Akemi are bent on doing. I see a lot of potential there. If anything, Mizu would quite possibly need Akemi's refuge if she were to return to Japan in the wake of the London chaos. They are foils of each other. On the opposite ends of the spectrum with the same stories. Poor-rich, blue-red, water-vermillion, darkened-fair, streetsmart-booksmart, warrior-prostitute, bastard-pureblood, masculine-feminine, caged internally- caged externally, widow-new bride. Both deal with same vindictive self-serving parents. Mizu lost her stand-in mother in ep 5, and Akemi lost Seki at the end of ep 9. Mizu the crashing waves and Akemi the rising flames. Both women. Both so alike yet so different. Mizu's name is pretty straightforward, meaning "water." However Akemi's can be written as "bright sea" or "vermillion beauty" While vermillion is Akemi's colour scheme, "sea" is likely her connection to Mizu.

I find the sex in the show to be representative at best. Borne out of duty or manipulation rather than true love. Just because Akemi and Taigen had sex was no testament to the endurance of the depth of their relationship, same as Mizu and Mikio's wasn't. Akemi's alliances with men have always been influenced by the need to go with or against her father and never her independent choice. Same as Mizu merely agreeing to her mother's insistence on marrying and settling down. I liked the juxtaposition of Mizu being submissive during sex and Akemi being dominant, both with Taigen and Takoyoshi as well as in the brothel. Here, I would extend that this isn't their true nature. Both in marriage or the brothel, sex is labour meant to cater to men. As Seki said a woman can only have fixed paths- "Proper wife or improper whore." I can't imagine Mizu or Akemi being happy as either.

Akemi for the most of S1 only wanted to be loved but was being forced to use her lovemaking skills to steer men into agreeing with her. Playing the improper whore. I imagine that in a safer intimate relationship, she would enjoy being on the bottom, to be protected and pleasured instead of always being the pleasurer. Mizu on the other hand, was shown to deliberately downplay her physical agencies during her marriage, to pretend to not know knife throwing or what she wants during sex, thus settling for whatever her husband had to give lest he feel inferior. I would imagine she'd prefer to be loved in all her proactive masculinity, to not be forced to submit. To not be forced to be the proper wife.

Mizu has repeatedly been shown to dominate people unthinkingly, her safety lies in her being on top and knowing what she's getting into. We saw a glimpse of that in the brothel with Akemi under Mizu where she ordered the princess to "get down." The colours from their respective sex scenes blended into one, inky blue on Mizu's end, warm golden on Akemi's. Mizu immediately doses the princess on pursuing worthless men and then Akemi soon willingly submitting to Mizu's protection while thinking of her to be a man. They both tried doing the rightful wife thing, both tried to save their marriages with their husbands as best they could, to be the ideal women even after both men bailed on them. But now they are liberated. Akemi is free from her father and on the path to rule Edo, Mizu is on her own with Fowler, to pursue her revenge in London. Both are relentless in their pursuits. Akemi's "No one refuses me" and Mizu's "We're going to the 9th level" is one and the same. Unstoppable force meets immovable object. Only time will tell. I rest my case.

[creatingnikki]

What I've learned in 2023 (part I)

i. Compatibility is what you are looking for. A compatible home, a compatible partner, a compatible workplace, a compatible friend circle. Compatible with who you are as a person and the kind of life you want to live. Compatible so that you don’t constantly have to use so much of your energy in trying to fight unnecessary battles simply to exist how you are. When the spaces you are in and the people you are with are not compatible with your existence the way it is, the way you want it to be, there will be constant chaos, distress, and conflict for which you will have to use so much energy. But if you are in compatible spaces with compatible people – not ideal, not perfect, simply compatible – then you can use that energy towards creating and building things that matter to you. Because your everyday choices? They are not being questioned, judged, or blocked.

ii. Lessons will keep repeating themselves until you've learned them. So you have to start paying attention. Realizations in themselves are not lessons learned. Change in actions and thought processes is. So, yes, lessons will keep repeating themselves until you learn them. And even once you have learned them. It's like with how we learned the same subjects in school year after year. Just because you learned Geography in grade 5, does not mean you still did not have to in grades 6, 7, 8, and so on. Life lessons too have additional layers, context, and depth. It can all feel very Sisyphean. But the boulder is never the exact same twice. Similar but not identical.

iii. Just because he was a puppy before, does not mean he is not a कुत्ता (dog) right now.

iv. 인연 (in-yeon) is the fate specific to the meeting of two people, the ties two people share over the course of their lives. Someone you have perhaps comes across in your past life/lives in various capacities. And so, yes, when you come across someone you feel comfortable with, can have meaningful conversations with effortlessly, feel a ‘connection’ with, feel the 인연 with it feels special. But 인연 is also the fate of this life. Maybe in this life you’re only meant to share this very limited, very brief, 인연 with someone. Even if you feel this deep connection. Maybe in this life they are not meant to be your soulmate or your best friend. Maybe they are only meant to be your professor or your neighbour. Let it be so. Accept that fate, accept this life’s 인연 with them. No matter the intensity of the connection. Again, let things run their natural course. There is no other way.

v. I am an open book that even a blind man can read. An open book so heavily and aesthetically self-annotated that people can play me like a fool just for shits and giggles. And while I have started to appreciate humour a lot more in life, I am not okay with my candidness, earnestness, and vulnerability being mocked, manipulated, or misused. I am still not clear on how to protect myself in this aspect but I do know two things clearing — first, forcing myself to change who I am at my most authentic core is not the answer. Second, there, however, does need to be some protection. Think of yourself like a special edition, rare precious book in a fancy, restricted-access library. Only members, who loves books, who value books, who take great care of them, and have a track record of doing so can borrow the book/check it out of the library. Essentially, you must be more mindful of who gets access to you. And like you can continue being your real, authentic self, but you do not have to be that all the time and with everybody.

vi. Speaking about vulnerability, let's talk about the semantics of it for a bit. It's The word 'vulnerability' is derived from the Latin word 'vulnus' which literally means — the ability to wound. Why? Why would you do that with people you don't yet know well + trust to be safe? That's why one of the lessons of this year is the realization to get rid of this blanket vulnerability. It's not some sort of strength, it's simply dangerous.

vii. On that note, conversations, even emotional conversations cannot be an indicator of the actual real (lasting) comfort and intimacy and trust between you and the other person. That only happens naturally over time.

viii. So, yeah, timing and time? It is your friend; not a bitch. Allow people and things time to run their course and reveal themselves to you. There’s no need to feel anxious or responsible to make things with somebody flow a certain way because at the end of the day, no matter what you say or do, things will pan out the way they are meant to. So, trying to rush things, trying to lowkey orchestrate them, or putting so much thought into things like how you’re punctuating your texts is futile. What is meant to be is meant to be and feeling FOMO when it comes to people and relationships only really happens when you create elaborate scenarios in your head before even getting to know somebody.

ix. Capturing everything more in videos instead of pictures is precious. That motion of your friend kissing your cheek and that motion of the street cat moving her tale in and out of the sunshine falling on the ground is what you really want to capture and look back on.

[chalkrevelations]

There are things I say to my partner in the privacy of our living room when I’m blowing off steam that I would never in my life say to friends or other family members or bosses or work colleagues or fellow community members. I do this not because I’m two-faced but because I’m human. I get frustrated, but I’m also a grownup who realizes that my frustrations and fears in that moment are not the entirety of who I am. I have a right to express them, but I do not have the right to inflict them on the people who would be hurt by them. That’s why those conversations happen in private, in a safe space of trust, where my relationship allows me to show my partner parts of me that aren’t perfect and allows my partner to show me that I don’t have to be perfect in order to deserve to be cared about. I get support through my petty moments until I can be a better person.

This latest attack on Build is a horrifying violation of privacy and trust that leaves me feeling literally nauseated. I once again reiterate that I don’t trust third-hand amateur fan translation to be accurate and contextual, particularly given the provenance of the material, but Build himself is apparently distressed enough by at least some part of the material to make a public apology. So, that being out there, I will say: This was a private matter that should have stayed private, out of respect for everyone involved. Whatever was actually said is nobody’s business except Build’s and now, unfortunately, any named individuals who this was inflicted on and who may have been hurt by it. Which, rest assured, was the intention - to hurt not only Build with this, but also, particularly, Apo and Bible, both of whom Poi has shown her dislike of and ill-will toward in the past. I suspect some people also don’t know how abuse works, and it shows, given that what was purportedly said is a reflection of Poi’s own views back at her.

Whatever the context, I see that purity cancel culture still insists on freezing people in amber in their worst moments - without recognition of any capacity for change or growth - as long as it provides ammunition for a smug, gleeful Particicution. You’re stuck on some unkind things Build supposedly said more than a year ago? Let me tell you what I’ll remember for the rest of my life: The small, broken sound of Build’s voice just a few months ago as he tried to protect Bible and Bible’s career from a sociopath, in a telephone call that he felt he needed to secretly record as evidence of how he was being manipulated and abused.

Meanwhile, I see that swathes of KP fandom continue to be complicit in Poi’s campaign of public and dehumanizing abuse of him, which now includes not only borderline revenge porn, but separating him from his friends and isolating him. This is what abuse looks like. It’s happening in front of your eyes. Do you even care? Do you actually, legitimately care about abuse, or is it just a tool for you to use to win petty shipwars and make yourself feel righteous? Because here it is. Take a good look. This is a textbook play. And if you’re participating in reposting those screenshots of private conversations and mocking Build’s relationships and spreading vituperative language about him and acting like he deserves to have his life and career destroyed, you’re enabling an abuser. You are aiding and abetting her, as the very scenario she threatened him with - in order to maintain access to him, to keep him under control and compliant - continues to get spun out. YOU are a bully and a hypocrite and an abuser, helping to prove that the most dangerous time for an abuse victim is when they leave.

But I guess some victims do have to be perfect, huh?

.

(ETA: 7/18/23, 1520 - This post is being linked on Twitter by @cherryluminary with my permission. I'm not over there, but I increasingly feel like it's important to name what's happened, and continues to happen, to Build online as what it is - abuse. Similar to to my last post that breached containment, I'm going to ask people to remember that the behavior of Build's fans reflects on him - however fair that may or may not be - and should remain above reproach. I understand being angry - I'm angry, and at more people than I've discussed publicly, at this point. But if I find out you've been descending anywhere near the level of the ugly little sociopath in my inbox who openly admitted they want Build to kill himself, I'll block you.)

[ohanny]

so remember how i said i'd been having ideas about a pack orgy? well.

those ideas now under the cut:

(nothing graphic but subject matter by default is somewhat nsfw)

it all starts when jeff realizes his heat is coming and is miserable about it because a) he is jeff and b) it is a miserable experience. so to soothe his instincts thus also his stupid hormones and cramps, he orders alan to build them a big “nest” in the living room (covering the floor with mattresses, and pretty much every single pillow and blanket in the house) and invites over the entire pack so they can put on some studio ghibli movies, huddle close and jeff can feel comforted by the closeness of everyone he holds dear.

except jeff might have miscalculated his cycle and underestimated the effect having his entire pack so close might have on him. so barely two movies it becomes clear his heat is a lot less pre- and a lot more actually happening right now.

everyone is like “so uh, we should probably leave you two to it” but jeff who is pretty gone already, whines like a sad puppy. he needs his pack so why is his pack trying to abandon him? sensing his distress, alan is like “no, stay” and it’s not exactly an order but also kind of is because no one is allowed to make jeff sad. and it's not a big deal. because it’s pack. when your packmate is going through their heat or rut, you help out in whatever capacity you can. that’s just how it is.

so everyone is chill about the whole heat pheromone soup and whatever bodily reactions it might cause. they are fine more or less pretending to watch the movie while alan fucks and knots jeff right there in the middle of the nest. once jeff is stuffed full and calmed down, the fussing starts. as another omega, north would curl up as close to jeff as he could. kim would worry about water and snacks and “alan, you big oaf, don’t squeeze him so tight.” jeff would be high off the feeling of it, happily purring in alan’s arms and everyone would mirror his happiness.

well. not everyone. kenta - who babe invited and kim dragged over to “socialize” - is very much not okay. kenta is freaking out.

kenta’s experiences with pack dynamics have previously been limited to “do what father says to the best of your ability or else.” in tony’s mansion going through your cycles was seen as a huge inconvenience at best and something shameful at worst. pack was a matter of forced proximity versus genuine bonding and if you got close to someone, it would be used against you. he might have tried his best with the children to offer them some kind of security but after pete left all those years ago, no one bothered to do the same for him.

also, much to his horror kenta is hard. and he’s disgusted with himself because he's in a room full of people, it's because of the pack leader’s omega and on top of all that, jeff is someone he considers to be his brother. one of those things would be enough but all three? he is totally spiraling into shame and self-hatred, inching back until he’s about to fall off the mattress, stiff and scared.

in short, he is totally bringing the vibes down, the stench of his panic spiking when he makes accidental eye contact with alan who has been looking at him. alan sighs and kenta is pretty sure this is going to be it, tensing up even more in preparation of what's to come. instead of casting him out, alan utters out a very pointed “kim” shooting a significant look in kenta’s direction and kim looks over his shoulder and goes “oh shit, on it” and means it quite literally.

because he turns around, grabs and physically pulls kenta back in and then crawls on top of him, murmuring “it’s okay, feel that?” and takes kenta’s hand, guiding it between his own legs where he is also achingly hard. “see? me too. you’re good,” he tells kenta and noses around his neck, breathing him in, “you’re really good. just relax and let me take care of you, okay?” and how could kenta say no to that? being caged in like this by kim’s everything is turning his brain to mush. when kim presses down, he arches up and oh, fuck.

for a split second he forgets where he is but then babe - who is totally being the little spoon, all wrapped up in charlie as if he was the one in heat here because of course - stretches out a hand so he can scratch the top of kenta’s head and say he’s being silly, “this is pack.”

and north will take a brief break from jeff to ninja roll to rub his cheek on kenta’s shoulder, scent marking him, and then sonic will snort and just chomp on kenta’s bicep because he totally looks like a biter and kim will playfully growl at him in a “hey, no biting what’s mine” and swat sonic’s head to which sonic will respond by snapping his teeth at kim’s fingers. north would kick sonic’s shin and tell him to “stop biting other people’s people” and sonic would fling himself at north, the two of them getting tangled up and alan’s reflexes being the only thing saving jeff from accidentally getting elbowed in the face.

that will obviously jostle the knot still connecting them and jeff will whine, grinding back in a renewed surge of sheer need and alan lives to please. and let's not pretend gremlin charlie would not take advantage of all the fertile omega pheromones mixing with babe’s own scent to go full “is mama that desperate to be bred?” on babe. and if the whole mess of kenta, kim, north and sonic gets even messier and more tangled up as the night progresses, oh well. kim is horny and kenta clearly needs way more babying than jeff does. pack is pack after all.

[mothwingwritings]

F for Jack Hanma (▰˘◡˘▰)

Hell yeah, here I come with the Jack goods. (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Warnings: Mentions of fighting/masturbation

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

It would get him very excited, for multiple reasons. 

First and foremost it pleases him because it shows that you have some manner of self-preservation, and that puts him at ease. You are such a small helpless thing compared to a man like Jack, and he worries that (god forbid) if you were to get separated from him and someone were to get ahold of you, you could easily get very hurt. Knowing that you have at least some knowledge of basic self-defense lets him breathe. You may not be able to put a dent in Jack himself, but you can potentially stun a random Joe off the street enough to escape to safety should the need arise, and that knowledge brings him comfort.

He also thinks it’s kinda fun when you fight back. Jack’s thirst for strength was originally born from a desire for revenge-both against the man who assaulted his mother, and against the life that cursed him with such a weak and fragile body. What he once strived for as a means of retribution quickly took over most of his life, making him the man he is now.  He no longer seeks strength as just a means to contest his fate, but because he wants to. He loves to fight, the thrill of taking down an opponent one of the only things that truly gets his blood pumping. You have no hope of hurting Jack in any capacity, but he thinks it’s endearing that you try. He does his best to hide how much it pleases him when you lash out, not wanting you to be offended by how cute he finds it. He knows you are attacking him because you are truly angry, and that to you this is all very serious. But honestly, it’s like a bear versus a field mouse. How can he not find the attempt adorable?

He also won’t deny that he finds it sexy as fuck. That feral look in your eye when you go to lunge at him just does something to him. Again, he doesn’t want to make light of your feelings of rage but… Goddamn. When you look at him with that the all-consuming fury reflected in your eyes, labored breathing, a thin layer of sweat covering your heaving chest from all the exertion…  Can you blame him for getting hard? He definitely uses it as masturbation fodder if he can’t have you in person.

So overall Jack likes it when you put up some resistance, but it does make him feel a little bad how easy it is for him to overtake you. He can tell how hard you are trying, and even though your loss is inevitable, he knows how bitter defeat tastes. He may try and humor you every now and again and let you land a solid hit, but he’s no good at acting and his pain threshold is so fucked at this point he knows he won’t be able to convince you that you ‘hurt’ him. It worries him, because he knows seeing just how little damage your blow causes will probably make you more distressed than anything, and he doesn’t really want to stress you out more than necessary. But you’ll get over it. You don’t really have any other choice.

[resquices-of-godhood]

Grandparent Sham-sham, AKA They of Might

Shamura: They of might, Eldest Sibling, Fell to mistakes most unwise. Shamura is absolutely giant, towering over all other followers, though they are quite thin, specially for a former god of War. They are a purple spider and have a second pair of arms sprouting from the middle of their chest, as well as a pair of regular eyes surrounded by six smaller ones, three on each side. Like other spider followers, they have small spider legs sprouting from the sides of their skull. Though their brain is no longer exposed after indoctrination, they have a nasty wound (later scarred closed) on the top of their head, a remnant of Narinder fighting back.

They used to adopt siblings during the god wars like a 10 year old collects Pokémon.

Shamura has the hardest time of all siblings in adapting to mortal life again. Not only did they have to spend some time in the stocks being reeducated because he immediately dissented in their confusion, their mental capacity waxes and wanes because of the brain damage they suffered, causing them to have severe difficulties in the most basic of tasks at times. They don't conform to masculine or feminine dress styles, instead preferring a mix of both, but mostly sticking with comfortable robes.

When lucid, they spend their time in the cult's library, where they help teach and tell stories to babies conceived within the cult. Some even started calling them grandparent Sham-sham. This helps fill up the void left from no longer having to care for their siblings. On their off-time, they like to weave spider silk into clothings or art pieces. When lucid, they also work as advisor to Leoda, hoping to help them avoid the mistakes they did in their life as the Bishop of War.

Shamura accompanies both Leoda and Gayne to Silk Cradle, where they share their regrets to the two, mentioning how things went down, and how they regretted jumping the gun the way they did. After returning, they aren't as lucid as when in their temple, his mind unable to hold coherence for too long. That's when Narinder approaches them to talk. It's a very emotionally charged encounter for the former god of Death, to see his beloved elder sibling in such a state due to his own actions. Eventually, it's too much for Narinder, and he starts apologizing to Shamura over his perceived faults that resulted in the current situation. Seeing their little kit in such a distress tore the former god of War's heart, so much so that it gave them just another moment of lucidity, just enough to be able to comfort their beloved brother and to take accountability for their own faults. They are the reason everything went the way they did, not Narinder. It was their decisions, based on emotions only, that messed things up. After calming him down, they both depart to rejoin the cult while their lucidity still lasts.

Shamura has retained their ability to cast curses without a crown, but they can't hold as much fervor as when they were a Bishop. At most, they can cast a single curse before having to find a source of fervor to recharge.

They have a somewhat distant relationship with their disciples and witness at first, given their mind was anything but stable. As they started getting more stable, the four started helping Gayne to care for the former Bishop.

Shamura is the other Bishop Gayne interacts with. Despite everything their Shamura did, they are still devoted to They of Might, specially this version, who is kinder and more honest. There's genuine appreciation for the care, and while the general of the god wars, who would take every opportunity to get an advantage, still lies bellow the surface, they know this is not the time or place for such mentality. Because of all that, Gayne is the main caretaker of the former god of War. At the same time, Shamura helps ground Gayne whenever they are using Future Knowledge, which is panic inducing to them, specially when a new vision manifests.

Shamura's crown was the Purple Crown, which lords over the domains of Knowledge (wisdom) and War (strategy). It acts like a general that's bent on preserving knowledge, and influences its bearer in the same way. Its abilities, and Shamura's Resquices of Godhood are Future Knowledge and Grand Strategy. The former gives the gift of prophetic visions to the bearer, where the first time a prophecy manifest is outside of their control, but from then on can be reviewed at will by focusing on them. As a resquice, new prophecies don't come as often. The later allows the bearer to make calculations and plot strategies in their mind much faster than anyone else, allowing them to see entire wars worth of simulated scenarios in the span of minutes. It is significantly slower and less efficient without a crown, however.

[nothoughts-onlywomen]

random duos wishlist for s5

obvs elmax, rovickie, stobin, and lumax go without saying. those are REQUIREMENTS for s5

madwheeler - truthfully it would be cool to see their friendship kind of come full circle. or at the very least mike should do/say something that signifies that he truly cares for her now.

madwise - honestly the most underutilized dynamic. both targeted by vecna, both the quieter ones of the group, both sensitive (though i think max refuses to admit this about herself).

el/lucas - by some of the leaks' accounts (taken with a grain of salt), el and lucas should have some good scenes together this season. and that would be a poetic full circle moment since he started off hating her and thinking she was a freak, to her then becoming one of the most important people in his life. and they bond over almost losing max, and fighting to get her back.

nancy/lucas - i think this has been underexplored. they could relate over having a loved one who's been attacked by vecna.

robin/will - i mean they're the only two gay characters. there has to be at least ONE scene between them (though if the leaks i've read are right it looks like that may happen).

steve/jonathan - by all accounts it looks like we might be getting some of this duo in s5. i'll be very interested to see how they handle it, especially since both of them love nancy.

ronance - OBVS. don't know if the duffers will go there but i'd love at least a spontaneous kiss in a death scene or something. if not that then there should be SOMETHING that signifies that their friendship has grown.

erica/lucas - now that erica is a bigger player in this game, i would love to see some sibling bonding. it would be cool if it was over max, especially. like erica says something snippy to comfort lucas over max being in her coma.

dustin/lucas - i know we're going to get scenes of the OG four boys but i think this would be a nice callback to s1/s2.

nancy/mike - another nice callback to s1. she mentioned that her vecna visions involved mike getting hurt and she was understandably distressed by this. it would be lovely to develop their sibling relationship to something more mature.

karen/literally any of the kids - i'm thrilled to hear karen wheeler is getting a bigger role this season. i've always really liked her, so i hope whatever they do with her gives her an opportunity to interact with some of our faves.

hopper/el - another obvious one, but i think their found father/daughter relationship is one of the sweetest things in the show and i don't want it to get lost amid all the chaos.

joyce/jonathan - another essential callback to s1. their dynamic's been shelved for a minute so it would be great to bring it back.

dustin/steve - we have ALWAYS got to have this duo in some capacity, it's too damn fun. bonus if we get a scoops troop callback.

also max/consciousness would be nice too

[nikethestatue]

I consider myself to be pretty neutral about the ship war as I don't really care who ends up with who as long as the story is enjoyable. So I follow a lot of accounts from all sides, and I see decent points made by all of them.

But I find the ask about Mor and Gwyn's similarities to be interesting. I think the ask was mainly about how you have several times claimed that Az finds Gwyn annoying and so pointing out that Az doesn't find Mor annoying.

Because Azriel reacts to Gwyn similarly as he does to Mor, indeed. It's usually mild, tortured annoyance which he tries to hide.

That might be your own interpretation, but as I've read sf, I don't find anything that can back up your statement.

He doesn't find any of these three women annoying. He's seen looking at Gwyn with admiration and thinks in his own pov that she has a charm to her. If they don't turn out to be lovers or mates, then I believe that they could be good friends.

Gwyn aside however, I find more similarities between Elain and Mor than Gwyn and Mor in regards to Az.

The first one is how he feels unworthy around both of them. His insecurities about his hands also comes into play when he is around them.

The shadows also has similar reactions around both Elain and Mor. They vanish most of the time or keeps their distance. Though I'm not sure if this is a bad thing.

Again, I don't care who ends up with, but I sometimes reads stuff (from all sides of the fandom) and shake my head as I find a lot of it to be wishful thinking. Az finding Gwyn annoying is not at all canon and I just think stuff like that is weird to spread just to uplift your own ship when it's not even true. Az doesn't need to find Gwyn annoying in order for elriel to happen.

No, Azriel had reacted a number of times with either annoyance or even hostility at Mor. It was either direct, or through someone's mentions or observations. It took Mor hundreds of years to CONVINCE him to go to Rita's (clearly something he didn't want to do, but felt pressured to). He finds her gifts pointless, aka, a bunch of daggers that she's given him over the years. He finds her displays with Cassian distasteful, and he literally left when she went off with Helion. 'Not my call to make'--he went against Mor, with Rhys and while knowing how distressful the situation might be for her, he didn't care. He was clearly hurt when she withdrew her hand from his own 'as if it burned her'.

I think there are a lot of complex feelings in how he views Mor and what his reactions to her are, but it's absurd to assume that isn't hurt or even disgusted by how she's treated him over the years. His reaction to her walking away was 'I will not bother her anymore. I live in the same space and serve in the same Court. I will remain here, but I will make every effort not to pressure her into anything'. Her reaction was to flaunt her affairs with other men, use his brother as a 'buffer' against him, generally point out to him how unattainable she is.

I do think that there is a comfort level between him and Mor, the same as he has with Cassian--the shadows always disappear with Mor, but they also disappear with Cassian. And of course, Elain.

As for her doesn't find any of these women annoying, again, I would disagree. I don't know if he finds them annoying as people, but he clearly stated that he would've preferred not to deal with Gwyn when he came up on her on the roof. 'It was too late to (leave)' and 'he didn't feel like explaining or demonstrating' and he needed to 'appear' polite.

I think he finds Gwyn amusing, but he doesn't seek her out in any capacity. She might be endearing in some way to him, but he doesn't treat her with any degree of closeness.

I think the feelings for Mor are complex, but border on resentful and annoyed, rather than loving.

Feelings for Elain are a whole different ballgame.

[cowboybrunch]

a pet demon, teenage necromancers, and an absolutely non-sentient skeleton

just a little something i wrote for fun, no plot (yet) but these characters have been floating around in my brain

The rattling of bones warned her approach. She kept the skeleton with her when she was nervous, and she was nervous more often than not.

Nobody else would��ve been able to tell; her anxiety manifested as bursts of irritation, often lashing out at whoever (or whatever) was nearest. Robbie had known her for far too long and was not fooled. Most thought her immature and youthfully rebellious, a phase she’d grow out of— or not. It was of no consequence. She was not the heir. Her fits did not matter. She also had greater necromantic ability than the crown prince. This did not matter either.

The ambling skeleton, her construct—which was not at all sentient, though she tried to fool people into thinking he was— lowered itself into a kneel on his left. Missy landed on his right, plopping herself down with the dramatics he’d come to expect from the princess.

With an arm cast on her forehead to block the sweltering noon sun, she cried, “Where is your crow! Tell him I will offer three— no, four goats if he can conjure some clouds.”

Never far and lured by the sound of distress, the aforementioned crow cawed in the distance. In a matter of moments, it settled on Robbie’s shoulder and opened its beak. A gruff, almost-but-not-quite human voice came out. “Make it five, and humans.”

He craned his neck to look at the crow fully. He was larger than average, and his feathers shimmered a tad too much. A feeble attempt at imitation, if he might say so— and he had said so. Many times. “Shame on you, Sir Cornfield,” Robbie chided. “Human sacrifice has been banned for three centuries.”

A sigh, or as close to one as he can manage without lips. “Do not call me that.”

Missy leaned over to tap Sir Cornfield on the head with one finger. “Then tell us your real name.”

“I do not take orders from children.”

“Robbie is a child, and you take orders from him.”

It wasn’t exactly the truth. Robbie had been a child the first time he stumbled upon the demon, trapped in an unbroken summoning circle after the caller had fled—he never found out why, and it seemed rude to ask. He’d been nine years old at the time, old enough to understand but too young to be properly frightened. A swipe of his boot over the rune freed Sir Cornfield. Nearly a decade later, the demon was still startlingly subservient, almost docile.

Not that he would ever say that aloud, of course. “Not orders,” Robbie corrects, shooting Missy a pointed look. “Suggestions. Possible courses of actions that generally benefit the both of us. Right, Cornfield?”

“Exactly,” the crow said. “What a relief that at least one of you sees sense. Not the one with royal blood, but that’s to be expected.”

Missy rolled her eyes. “My familiar never gives me lip.”

“Your familiar doesn’t have a brain,” Robbie said, “or the capacity for thought.”

.....

also, the skeleton's name is Boneman. he was one of the first constructs she created as a child. he falls apart sometimes, trips down the stairs or gets run over by horses, but she always puts him back together.

also also, Robbie is not a physical necromancer. he's more like a medium. before his family found out about his gifts (and he got shipped to the royal family for service) they thought Sir Cornfield was his imaginary friend.

final note: they are betrothed. they're not mad about it (they're best friends! of course they want to be together for the rest of their lives) but it is absolutely platonic. no arranged marriage "oh we had feelings for each other the whole time" business

[eisforeidolon]

Q: When you have to get into character, like a crying scene, like when Dean's crying on the rock because spoiler alert Mary dies -

Jared: Wow!

Jensen: Wait, when I'm what? When Dean's crying on the rock? [fan repeats] Oh, yeahyeahyeahyeah. [pause] Right.

Q: How do you get into - both of you - how do you get into that character - or, not character, like zone, I guess? Into that crying role? And then when it's over, are you like, [fake tough voice] 'I'm ready to go fight somebody', are you in the feels all day after?

Jensen: Yeah, that's how I am in real life. I'll watch a - a commercial and I'll be like [exaggerated distressed inhale, gets up and walks off], 'I wanna go fight somebody!' No, I just go to the bathroom for some tissue.

Jared: I just think of the saddest moment of my life. No, I think he and I are similar. One of my least favorite things I can see on a script is stage direction saying they break down, or they cry. Or something. And so many scenes in Supernatural - I can't necessarily name one right now - but so many scenes that didn't say Dean cries or Sam cries or Dean breaks down or Sam breaks down? We did, you know? And so many scenes also, vice versa, say Sam sheds a tear, Dean breaks down - it just didn't, it didn't feel right? So we just kind of - I think we just let the scenes happen? I feel like as the seasons progressed, when we get to like 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and so on and so forth? [points to baby crying in audience] You feel me! I feel like it was just one of those things where we'd do a scene and we'd rehearse it and be like, 'Oh, wow! That felt more powerful than I anticipated looking at the page.' [Jensen nods] So then you get to set and one of the characters kinda breaks down a little bit - okay, go with it! And vice versa. It'd be a really sadly written scene where they're talking about loss or fear or something, but it didn't feel like the characters would approach it with sadness as much as frustration? So it's - I think by - pretty quickly we had a pretty good idea of who Sam and Dean were, and then as the show progressed, the writers kind of wrote Sam and Dean to Jared and Jensen, and so they trusted us with like, 'Hey if this is a scene where y'all make a joke, we're not gonna write Dean says kiddingly yadda yadda or Sam says, you know, emotionally yadda yadda. They just kinda wrote our dialogue. And, like, y'all do y'all's thing! So I feel like that's more how I approach it.

Jensen: There's also a large capacity of confidence within the character that we have as actors. [Jared: Right.] And I mean I - to brag on him a bit [hits Jared's knee] - I remember watching him, cause in the first season, a little episode called Heart. Sam loses - what was her name? [Audience: Madison!] Madison! Yeah, and has a really, y'know, emotional scene. And Jared really got into a headspace that day, and I remember watching him on set and he was - I mean, just in a corner, just like sittin on the floor, just kinda rocking. And these lighting setups can take half hour, forty five minutes sometimes. And he was staying in this emotional - you can't do that for ten hours a day. [Jared shakes his head no.] And I remember asking him, I was like, 'Dude, what are you thinkin about?' And he was like, 'I'm thinking about my dog Sadie dying.' And that's, that's - and I mean, my God, like how emotionally taxing that must have been for him to do that for several hours, just to stay in an emotional state so that when they yelled action, he could shed tears. And -

Jared: That was the last time I did that.

Jensen: That was the last time he did it. And I watched him as not just as a scene partner and a friend, but I got to watch him as an audience member and see Jared figure out a way to tell Sam's story through actual emotion that he had for the character. And so when we got to season 15 and we had that barn scene, those weren't two actors thinking about something else that made them emotional so that they could put on an emotional face for their character. These were two actors who were so deeply invested and confident in their character that all we had to think about was Dean dying and Sam losing his brother. And the tears, and the emotion, just kind of swept us up. So yeah, it evolved over the course of the show. And getting out of it when they yelled cut? Sometimes - you know, you're essentially tricking your body into thinking that something horrible is happening? And your body is reacting by -

Jared: Your body doesn't know.

Jensen: Your body is - I remember, there were several times but I remember the one time when I was recounting Dean's experience in hell to Sam and they yelled cut and I had to walk away, because my body was shaking, because my body was thinking that I was going through something very traumatic. And it's interesting because those leave little scars on your heart. Those leave little impressions on your soul, because your body reacted to what they thought were real. And even though we knew in our brain it wasn't - we went through that process, physically. And so yeah, I had to go and walk that off because I couldn't stop - the tears just kept coming and my body was shaking and I was like [exaggerated blinking, shaking out his hands]. And so, you know.

Q: So you weren't ready to go fight anybody after?

Jared: He would've.

Jensen: Yeah, you know, I went and boxed a tree.

Jared: And we're not, like, woo-woo guys. We're southern. We're both Texans, born and bred [audience cheers] - yeah, thank you. The idea that someone's like, 'Oh, well if you do a crying scene you're gonna go home and you're gonna feel exhausted cause your body was just crying.' I'm like [loud scoffing noise]. Surrrre. Like I'm acting, I memorized the lines. But it's legit. Having done it now for 23 years, done 450 episodes of television? Yeah, you do a scene where everybody's having a good time and riding horses or laughing or joking or you're - nutcracker whatever? You gotta go home and you're laughing. You feel like you should invite friends. You do a scene where someone's, where your brother is dying? I slept for days after we shot that barn sequence. I just had no energy, I had no dopamine in my body. And I was like, this is really weird, I slept eight hours last night, I never sleep eight hours, why can I not get out of bed to go to the bathroom or whatever?

Jensen: It's strange that an emotional scene is more physically taxing on you than a day of fight scenes. It's strange but it just is, it's coming from within and it just exhausts you.

Jared: Yeah, yeah.

Jensen: It's also one of those things - just like a day of fight scenes - where at the end of it? Man, you really feel like you hung your hat on that day. Like I put in the work today. [Jared nods along and mouths yeah and same] Like I felt that, and that's always a good feeling when you know you - when you feel like you really delivered.

[mimiruku]

My tuurn to ask about Miruku!!

🥀 (wilted flower), 🎸 (electric guitar) and 🥊 (boxing glove) because I'm curious 👀👀

█  𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 ⸻ ( ⚝ )

I too can be stupid slow for no reason, but here we go again, Rojo! Thinking about you ( lovingly ) hahaha.

CONTENT WARNING : mentions regarding mental illness & hypocrisy ???

╰┈┈➤   🥀   (  wilted flower  )  -  How does your character deal with stressful situations? Is their fear response fight, flight, freeze or fawn?

Stress & Fear are quite palpable experience for Miruku, it is physical than emotional - a burden on the body! It's likely for him to not properly recognize strain in his psych up until the breaking point , that too would have been recognize through some form of bodily response.

This responses are manifested through ailments, be it as small as fevers and headaches or as alarming as experiencing serious physical and sensory problems, for example, during his time with Byakuran and Kawahira, Miruku endured sporadic lost of sight and voice, there had also been times where he'd lost the capacity to stand and walk   ;   these are admittedly, neurological recoil from immense distress, surprisingly however, him realizing he is being pushed into a severe case of mental breakdown is another hurdle entirely, he'd likely go on with his day while his brain is on fire.

Miruku is also good at keeping these issues in check, noticing this side of him is surprisingly rare ! ( not that he hides it, he just so happen to need to keep going at the time ! so he didn't have time to fuss about suddenly going blind for 10 minutes. )

╰┈┈➤   🎸   ( electric guitar )  -  What’s your character’s music taste like? Do they have one or two artists they play on repeat or do they have a varied and eclectic collection of music? Do they like mainstream artists or prefer underground musicians? What genres do they enjoy?   ( answered )

While I've likely rambled way too many times about this  —  just to tie over the ' blood & peppers ' gang I've so lovingly headcanonized, they are the first band miruku ' stan ' for. they are an experimental band with varying genre and styles, often their music discography are often categorize by the fans by 'eras' ; Miruku's favorite had been their alternative pop era during their indie phase.

╰┈┈➤   🥊   ( boxing glove )  -  Has your character ever been in a fight? Did they win? Do they fight often? Are they professionally trained or self taught? Do they enjoy fighting or only do so when necessary?

Few and far in between, it's very unlikely for Miruku to get physical, he's rather diplomatic ( or maybe tactless and blunt would be the better way to describe him ? ) either way, he'd run his mouth first than clench his fist . . . unfortunately, when he does get into altercation, it's always unexpected and painful, more so when his patience is close to infinite and he could forgive everything and anything you throw at him.

As a result, Miruku has an unsettling violence in him, it's not about winning, not about getting back at you or hurting you. It's about making you understand, It'll never really stop just because he ' won ' the altercation either, most likely he'd keep going , just to prove a point. " this hurts me more than it hurts you." is a mantra you'd likely hear him say often during these trying times.

Work related fights are similarly contained, he'd rather not struggle with anyone like this either, more so because ' there is no hard feelings. ' & frankly ? ' he doesn't even want to do this. ' It makes him rather sad that work related death is expected, he couldn't help but mourn some of them.

In both cases, Miruku takes great offense and sorrow, ' look what you've made me do. ' , after all, Miruku does not like hurting people, he'd have likely extend all sorts of leeway for you to avoid such brutalizing end. He tried, he always has tried, but the punishment must fit the crime and that's not up to him anymore is it ? ( this of course, applies to him too, he'll meet similar ends, he's sure of it. )    

When Miruku fights,  the aim is always to win,  at least under Reborn's tutelage that was presumed.   

[layzorr]

Okay trying to process Scavengers reign episodes, just finished the nest so shhh. No spoilers.

1. New people! Mix of the themes. People who genuinely care, like Barry, genuine bond between the three. I don't know if they're family or found or whatever but there is some genuine care it looks like. And also the selfishness. This show is very much so far people having equal capacity to be awful and also really really good. Kamens selfishness getting everyone in a horrific dangerous situation, Ursula sticking around to look after Sam even when she could technically go on her own. The blonde seeming to be planning on backstabbing Azi, Barry hearing the distress call and thinking "we need to do something." Azi growing to care for Levi even when she's initially upset at her for changing, Terrance trying to look after Barry. The older lady offering medical treatment immediately, Ursula offering to take her with them on the ship. It's about selfishness and acts of kindness and how when shit is horrible what makes it worth it is people sticking together. I get the vibes Kim selfish but as in "nobody gives a shit about me , why would I wait for them to let me down?" so she only trusts the specific group she trusts.

2. The old lady worries me. It's hard for me to get processing so that's what I'm trying to do. I don't think she was malicious. Like Sam, infecting him seemed to be a compulsion. Not her plan from the start. She saw him injured and didn't hesitate to drop everything to help care for this stranger shed never seen before. Again, the theme of "in distress people are both capable of awful and good things. Nature and people aren't inherently Bad or Good. Nature just Is Like That. People are just Like That. Horrible things happen and that's life. Good things happen and that's life." I don't know how to explain it. I think it's a thing of the creature keeps her alive, but also takes a massive toll on her. It hurts her. I think it's like the fungi in ants. Compelling her to spread it without her even noticing. I wonder how it got there. Is it a seed? An egg? A plant? Weird ass. It seems to be preying on their weakend immune systems. I'm assuming the lady was sick too? Or clearly something happened if that dramatic emphasis on the photo means anything which. Prolly does. I'm getting Vibes. My bets everyone got injured and she used that weird thing to survive.

3. That shot of the fucking BUG in Sam was horrifying and is creeping me out. The music and lighting combined to make it fucking terrifying and. No! Nope! Fucking nope! Holy shit! I'm not looking forward to next episode I almost threw up. Holy shit. I'm eating right now I shouldn't talk about this fucking GROSS.

4. Ohhh god Azi's conflict between "it wasn't all bad" and "keeping to myself is what kept me alive out here." She'd fucked herself over so much happiness wise with never reaching out to anyone. Only focusing on her work. Never letting herself be happy. She was happy in that brief period where she connected with Levi. She's so angry and bitter and freshly traumatized and. Man. That scene where she tries so hard to extend that kindness to Barry .... Man. Please let my girl be happy. Also poor Barry. Kids too young for this shit. He's too young.

5. God. Ursula getting so fucking exhausted after caring for Sam for so long. Her hitting a mental wall. She was so terrified in grief and now it's all catching up to her. She's been through hell. She had to keep strong so Sam didn't fucking die and I can see she's gonna have a breakdown soon. It's all building up.

6. I MISS LEVI.

I want Levi back guys. I want Levi 😭😭😭

[snow-system-wol]

G'raha is a welcome presence, but the middle of the night can be a difficult time to exist. (S'ria character exploration?) (~1k)

(tw: mental health spiraling, non-explicit sex mentions, brief ref to hypothetical SH)

Ao3

When G'raha woke up to the feeling of S'ria untangling himself and curling up away from him, no longer touching, he was not immediately concerned. Sometimes touch became uncomfortable, sometimes it got a little too warm, sometimes one just needed to move.

Now, upon hearing the quiet sounds of S'ria trying not to cry, that was a bit more concerning.

----------

It was… difficult, at times, for S'ria not to catastrophize. The episodes were not too often, thankfully. But whenever they got to be too much, and Menphina was either unaware or actively being pushed away in his stress, they could get bad.

He was not even fully sure what started this one. He'd just been comfortably half asleep, and the feeling simply… crept in. He would love to suggest that it originated from one of the others, someone more chronically distressed or desperate than him, but he could not discount his own capacity for negative emotion. S'ria thought that his mind might just personally hate him at times.

In S'ria's worst moments of this anxiety, this spiraling, he could not help but resent G'raha for the very same reasons that he loved him. How could S'ria have allowed someone to become so… important and easy to rely on? He'd managed before, it'd been fine, hadn't it? But now the thought of being left behind terrified him like nothing else – the vulnerability of having put himself deep into a situation that could easily break him.

It was… quite easy to think of reasons for G'raha not to stay. The thoughts spiraled tighter – get reassurance from him, he'll tell you it's okay – no, don't ask that of him, it'll force him to say that even if it's a lie – even sharing these doubts is an insult to him, that you clearly don't trust him.

S'ria never knew what to do when things got like this. He wanted Menphina to say something soothing to him, but he was quite sure he'd unconsciously slammed that particular door shut. His claws had unsheathed some time ago, and he burned to do something a bit stupid, as long as his thoughts could slow down –

“Ria?”

S'ria could not help his flinch. It felt much like being Caught, somehow. He would've left the bed and gone elsewhere for this exact reason, if he'd anywhere he would've wanted to go.

“It's… you don't need to worry, go back to sleep, Raha.”

Rather than doing that, S'ria could hear him turning to face S'ria's back. “I always worry.”

S'ria's mouth twisted into a small grimace. “That's the problem. I don't want to be worrying you. I just – I want to stop worrying you.”

“Is that what is bothering you tonight? I am afraid I do not quite…understand?”

S'ria curled up further. “I just… don't know if I'm doing things wrong, because you wouldn't tell me if I was – but not trusting you to be honest is also doing something wrong.” To his dismay, he was starting to lose his fight against his body. No, he wouldn't cry, it was always bad if he did that. He mustn't.

G'raha was quiet for a moment too long and S'ria earnestly considered crawling out of their bed and bolting. (As if that would not also be worrying him, damn it.)

“Ria.”

His voice was soft, and godsdammit, S'ria wanted to lean into that comfort. S'ria carefully turned over, keeping his head down and face hidden, and curled up again – this time with his legs touching G'raha's body and his head bent to be pressed into G'raha's chest.

G'raha spoke again, gentle enough that it hurt. “Talk to me. What are you afraid of?”

What a simple question – everything. Right now, that was how it felt.

“I just…keep waiting for something I do to be too much for you – and hoping that if you want to leave, that you'll at least give me a chance to try harder to fix things first.” S'ria's tail tucked itself tightly against the back of his own legs. “Without that, I don't know what I should be focusing on, because there's so much. I wake you up with nightmares, I panic easily, I have bad days or weeks and don't do anything helpful during them, you have to navigate my Others, I complain too much and have neurotic conversations like these, and there's still the sex thing –”. S'ria paused to breathe. “And looking for reassurance makes me feel like I'm pushing you farther away, forcing you to deal with this – this insecurity.”

There was pause of near silence, with only the sound of G'raha quietly breathing, and S'ria wished he could fold himself into a smaller circle.

“I…forgive me, I did not know you were so heavily burdened with these concerns. There is much that I wish to respond to, but – that last matter of… physical intimacy… does that still bother you so?”

S'ria gave a small nod in his curled up position. “If I was able to give you that – I don't know, it feels like it'd make up for some of the rest of it.”

G'raha took a very slow breath, and S'ria cautiously prepared himself to be pushed back. 

“Ria – please listen to me. While you are well aware of my…unavoidable interest, I find the idea of you being a reluctant participant and struggling through for my sake to be profoundly unappealing – I would truly not ever want such a thing. And as for the rest of what you said – you cannot ‘force’ me to do anything, I am here of my own volition. It saddens me to see you struggle, but it does not make me wish to exit your life.” G'raha sighed. “But, if it helps – I promise to tell you if I am, someday, overly bothered by some hypothetical actions of yours.”

For the first time since the start of the conversation, S'ria's ears were no longer fully pressed back against his skull.

“It – it does help, I think. I feel calmer, but I also feel the secondary guilt of needing to be calmed – which I just need to deal with on my own, else it'd become an infinite loop.”

Very slowly, G'raha wrapped an arm over S'ria's curled up body. “ I am glad that you feel calmer.” The urge to insist that all was okay hung in the air, obviously being bit back.

S'ria unfolded himself, slowly returning to his position from before this mess – one arm thrown over G'raha, half on top of his chest, leg hooked over G'raha's hip. He wished it was a bit easier to shake off his worries, but at the very least… it was quite comfortable. If only it could be so simple to fully enjoy that comfort with no lingering guilt.