#{ musing ; general }
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(pretty much) all the character concept arts from tha art book. because im the compiler
#theres a bunch of other harry outfit ones and general clothing musings but this is purely guys.#i like seeing how much a design has changed over the course of its creation idkkkk maybe someone else does too#im weirdly obsessed with how much thought went into measurehead theres a whole chapter on his development#disco elysium
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idk how many of you remember this but a few years ago tumblr ran a universally panned ad campaign for (us american) pride month that went "the gayest place on the internet".
well someone planning that campaign dropped in to ask the queer automatticians for advice on that and universally me and the other trans people involved were like "don't do it. i am so serious. don't do it. people on tumblr won't understand that it wasn't automattic who instituted the porn ban, or they will, but they'll recognize that automattic hasn't done anything, hands tied or not, to reverse it. nobody will like this. it will be a disaster." and they thanked us for our thoughts and went ahead with it anyway and then had to do retrospectives about how badly it went and were like "we just didn't know" and [gestures] yeah [edit: i think the person who rbed saying it was queerest place on the internet was right, my brain is fried, sorry! and that's... even worse lmao]
#tony muses#hello new followers. for clarity if you are expecting intense amounts of goss about tumblr specifically i am not your person#when automattic first acquired tumblr they asked queer staff who wanted to transfer over to something that was dear to a lot of us#and i specifically did not want to shit where i eat so to speak#which was the right choice. i just have other info about automattic more generally
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a tribute
#nepeta leijon#homestuck#equius zahhak#this was for a twitter mutual whose muse is nepeta#but can be read as meowrails in general too#meowrails
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𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐀𝐑 & 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐄 *
Assorted memes of a suggestive and sexual nature, intended for the spicier type of interactions. Be mindful of your partners' boundaries! Change pronouns / etc. as needed, and feel free to combine the sentence prompts with the action and / or location prompts when sending if you want.
tw: strong sexual content , minors DO NOT interact with this meme at all!
𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒
❝ I just want to look at you like this for a moment. ❞
❝ Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this? ❞
❝ Your heart is beating so fast. ❞
❝ Be gentle with me. Please. ❞
❝ I’ve never done this before. ❞
❝ I want to learn. Teach me. ❞
❝ Show me how to please you. ❞
❝ I want to give you everything tonight. ❞
❝ That feels so good ─ ❞
❝ Don’t stop ─ ❞
❝ You won’t break me. I promise. ❞
❝ I want your hands on me. ❞
❝ Make love to me. ❞
❝ I need you, your lips on my skin. I need you deep inside me. ❞
❝ Can’t you see what you do to me? ❞
❝ I don’t want to repeat my innocence. I want the pleasure of losing it again. ❞
❝ There is no taste sweeter than yours. ❞
❝ Look at you, what a mess you are. ❞
❝ You’re doing so good for me. Keep going. ❞
❝ I’ll taste every part of you before the night has ended. ❞
❝ No one else can make me feel this way. ❞
❝ I am already yours. Now I want you to lay your claim. ❞
❝ Your body sings to me. ❞
❝ I know you’re close. Just let it go now. Give in to it. ❞
❝ I want to feel you come undone. ❞
❝ Shh. Quiet love. They’re going to hear you. ❞
❝ I want to feel your fire, even if it burns me. ❞
❝ You take me so well. ❞
❝ You look so beautiful like this. ❞
❝ I never knew I could feel this good. ❞
𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄 & 𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘
❝ God whispers to us in our pleasures. ❞
❝ I’m going to fuck you until your legs shake. ❞
❝ Take me. I can’t bear this anymore, just take me. ❞
❝ You’re dripping already. ❞
❝ Good girl, take it all. ❞
❝ I’m going to fill you over and over again. ❞
❝ Harder, god, harder ─ ❞
❝ Did I say you could stop? ❞
❝ Show me how much you want it. ❞
❝ Give me your mouth. ❞
❝ Spread yourself for me. ❞
❝ I’m going to leave you aching in the morning. And then I’m going to take you again. ❞
❝ Louder. Don’t hold back on me. Let me hear your pleasure. ❞
❝ I want to hear my name on your lips and make you come. ❞
❝ Don’t come until I tell you to. ❞
❝ If you wanted soft and gentle, you’ve come to the wrong person. ❞
❝ I don’t want soft. I want to ache for you when you’re done. ❞
❝ I like the marks. They stay with me even when you must leave. ❞
❝ Use me. Fuck me. Do whatever you want, but god, please touch me. ❞
❝ They’ll all know your mine when they hear you screaming my name. ❞
❝ You need relief. I can give you that. ❞
❝ You’re not leaving this bed until I’m done with you. ❞
❝ I want to spend every night buried inside of you, pleasing you, fucking you. ❞
❝ I like it when you lose control, when I can feel how desperately you need me. ❞
❝ You’re my good girl, and my girl deserves the best of me. ❞
❝ Such a good boy, always eager to please. ❞
❝ You look like an angel; it’s only right that I fuck you until you see heaven. ❞
❝ Your body is my place of worship, and it’s time for me to say my prayers. ❞
❝ This is my favorite seat. ❞
❝ Watch me ride you. ❞
𝐀 𝐁𝐈𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐓 & 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐘
❝ Does he fuck you like this? ❞
❝ We shouldn’t be doing this. ❞
❝ I missed you beyond words. Every night I dreamt of you, of what it would be like to hold you again, and I’ll be damned if I let the chance slip through my fingers when you’re right here. ❞
❝ Why can’t I keep myself away from you? ❞
❝ This could be our last night together. I’m going to make it count. ❞
❝ Don’t bring emotions into this. This has always been about pleasure, nothing else. ❞
❝ We fuck. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that. ❞
❝ I have no right to touch you, so why do you ask it of me when I know I am unworthy? ❞
❝ You should be mine. I don’t care what they say, you are mine. ❞
❝ You dare have the audacity to pretend like you’re not mine in front of them? We both know the truth; even now look how your body reacts to me. ❞
❝ Do you honestly think I could possibly want anyone else when this is what you do to me? ❞
❝ You’re mine. Only mine. ❞
❝ I want them to hear us. I want them to know you belong to me. ❞
❝ Claim me. Have me in a way that anyone who looks at me will see your passion written upon my skin. ❞
❝ You’re not mine. You could never be mine. Yet I want you anyway. I want you so badly that it burns me inside. ❞
❝ You’ve ruined me for all others. ❞
❝ I can’t stop myself from wanting you, no matter how much we both know we shouldn’t do this. ❞
❝ I don’t care if they see. Part of me wants them to. ❞
❝ You’re not good for me. So how can you make me feel something no one else can? ❞
❝ This is the last time, then never again. This has to stop. ❞
𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒
one muse gives the other oral
one muse rides the other
one muse grinds on the other
one muse takes the other from the front
one muse takes the other from behind
one muse takes the other anally
one muse holds the other down during rough sex
one muse pleasures the other with their hand
one muse sits on the other’s face
one muse controls the other’s movements by grabbing their hips
one muse ties up the other
one muse uses a toy on the other
our muses engage in edging or orgasm denial
one muse makes the other have multiple orgasms
our muses engage in sensory play (blindfolds, ice, etc.)
one muse shows the other a new position
one muse touches the other on the outside of their clothes
one muse dresses up to seduce the other
one muse undresses the other
one muse strips for the other
one muse (or both) pleasures themself for the other’s view
one muse leaves marks on the other
one muse watches the other have sex with a third party
our muses are being watched by a third party
our muses have a threesome
𝐋𝐎��𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒
in a bed
on the floor
on a couch or chair
in a bath, shower, or pool
in a semi-public place
against a wall
on a table or counter
in the kitchen
outdoors
in a tent
on a rug in front of a fireplace
in a sacred place
in a stairwell
in a ruined building / castle
in a garden
by the ocean
in an inn / hotel
while traveling
in an office or conference room
in a dream
#usfw tw#mature content tw#rp memes#rp prompts#smut memes#rp smut memes#smut prompts#rp smut prompts#[memes ; for muse]#[memes ; sentence]#[memes ; general]#[memes ; mine]#[memes ; spice]
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This is going to be very ranty and disjointed, probably borderline incomprehensible post, but with the "return" of Dragon Age Discourse (and really, did it ever go anywhere?) and me repeatedly seeing the complaints and dismissals of DA:I as a "chosen one"-type of a narrative, I just.... I keep finding myself thinking about the relationship of truth and lies within the game.
Throughout the course of DA:I, the idea of a malleable, flexible personal identity, and a painful confrontation with an uncomfortable truth replacing a soothing falsehood, follows pretty much every character throughout their respective arcs.
There are some more obvious ones, Solas, Blackwall, The Iron Bull, their identities and deceptions (of both those around them and themselves) are clearly front and center in the stories told about them, but this theme of deception (both of the self- and the outside world) is clearly present in the stories of the others as well.
Like, for example, ones that come immediately to mind are stories like that of Cullen, who presents an image of a composed and disciplined military man, a commander- all to hide the desperate and traumatized addict that he sees himself as.
Dorian grappled with the expectations of presenting the image of the perfect heir to his father's legacy, the prideful scion of his house, his entire life (he even introduces himself as the result of "careful breeding", like one might speak about a prized horse)- all while knowing that his family would rather see him lobotomized and obedient, than anything even just resembling his vibrant and passionate self.
Cassandra calls herself a Seeker of Truth, and takes pride in that identity- only to learn that in reality, she has been made a liar, a keeper of secrets, without her knowledge or consent, and it is up to her to either uproot the entire organization and painfully cut out the abscess it is to build it back from the ground up into something respectable, or let the information she had revealed sit, and continue to fester.
And this theme continues and reframes itself in, among others, things like Sera's own inner conflict between her elven heritage and her human upbringing, or in Cole being caught in this unconscionable space in-between human and spirit, between person and concept, etc.
The Inquisitor isn't exempt from this either.
I feel like this is where the core of the many misunderstandings of this plot come from, why so many people continue to believe that Inquisition is a "chosen one" or "divinely appointed" type of story, because I think many might just... not realize, that the protagonist's identity is also malleable, and what they are told in the setup/first act of the game is not necessarily the truth.
The tale of the Inquisitor is the exact opposite of that of a "chosen one" story: it's an examination and reflection of the trope, in that it is the story of an assumption that all wrongly believe to be the truth, and thrust upon you, even if you protest. The very point is that no matter who you choose to say that you are, you will be known as the Herald of a prophet you don't even necessarily believe in, and then that belief will be proven wrong, leaving you to cope with either a devastating disappointment if you believed it, or a bitter kind of vindication if you didn't.
There's a moment just after Here Lies the Abyss (when you learn of the lie you've been fed your entire journey in the game) that I don't often see mentioned, but I think it's one of the most emotionally impactful character moments, if you are playing an Andrastian Inquisitor who had actually believed themselves chosen (which I realize is a rather unpopular pick, lol): it's when Ser Ruth, a Grey Warden, realizes what she had done and is horrified by her own deeds, and turns herself in asking to be tried for the murder of another of her order. As far as she is concerned, she had spilled blood for power, and regardless of whether she was acting of her own volition at the time, whether she had agency in the moment, is irrelevant to her: she seeks no absolution, but willingly submits to any punishment you see fit.
And only if you play as an Inquisitor who, through prior dialogue choices, had established themselves as a devout Andrastian, can you offer her forgiveness, for a deed that was objectively not her fault- not really.
You can, in Andraste's name, forgive her- even though you, at that point, know that you have no real right to do so. That you're not Andraste's Herald, that Andraste may or may not even exist, and that you can't grant anyone "divine forgiveness", because you, yourself, don't have a drop of divinity within you. You know that you were no more than an unlucky idiot who stumbled their way into meddling with forces beyond their ken.
You know you're a fraud. You know. The game forces you to realize, as it slowly drip-drip-drips the memories knocked loose by the blast back into your head, that what all have been telling you that you are up to this point, is false. And yet, you can still choose to keep up the lie, and tell this woman who stands in front of you with blood on her hands and tears in her eyes, that you, with authority you don't have, grant her forgiveness for a crime that wasn't hers to commit.
Because it's the right thing to do. Because to lie to Ser Ruth is far kinder than anything else you could possibly do to her, short of refusing to make a decision altogether.
There are any number of criticisms of this game that I can accept (I may or may not agree depending on what it is, but I'm from the school of thought that any interpretation can be equally valid as long as there's text that supports it, and no text that contradicts it), but I will always continue to uphold that the Inquisitor is absolutely not- and never was a "chosen one".
They're just as small, and sad, and lost, as all the other protagonists- the only difference is that they didn't need to fight for their mantle, because instead of a symbol of honor, it acted as a straitjacket.
#squirrel plays dragon age#dragon age#dragon age: inquisition#idk i'm just musing#talking basically to myself here i know#ignore me lol i'm just in my feelings about this game#i might tack onto this the like. 3k word jumble of circular arguments i have written down somewhere#about the moral responsibility and culpability of the vampire spawn in bg3#because i have a lot of thoughts about that too#or the couple hundred words i have in my back pocket about dragon age's unique treatment of godhood and divinity in general
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i like to think demon summonings are like phone calls in the way that if the demon is busy or just doesn't wanna talk they can just hit ignore to add to that the idea that they cant ignore it and just pop up there whenever someone summons them is also funny like "why do u have a margarita in your hand" "i was at girls night so this better be important" or theyre just about to finish the finale of a show theyve been waiting ages for then suddenly theyre in jeff and friends basement staring at their terrified faces
#if i could draw people id draw this as bill and ford lol#the idea of bill just hitting ignore on fords summoning is so funny#or ford just wanting to talk to his muse but bill was in the middle of conquering another dimension or something#but then hes suddenly in the shacks basement#stanford pines#ford pines#bill cipher#billford#the book of bill#gravity falls#demons#in general
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Hey.
Look.
They’re gonna release the actor for Ace for the live action soon*.
Do me a favor -
Don’t be mean.
Casting has been amazing! The costumes, the sets the actors the work the dedication the LOVE FOR OUR BELOVED MANGA - Has been amazing.
Netflix is crap, but these people are doing a phenomenal job within the lines that corporation is giving them.
It’s been above and beyond.
He’s gonna be too pretty for some of you. He’s gonna be too skrunckly for some of you. He’s not gonna have the right smile, or body or SOMETHING.
It’s impossible to match a real life human to a 2D character.
So please. Don’t be mean. For God’s sake don’t start calling him like “future donut” or some shit as a way to say you don’t like the choice.
If you’re not happy about whoever they cast - just… don’t say anything for a bit. Maybe like a year or something.
Edited to add: *maybe not for s2 - as I’m hearing - but still, my concern might be way preemptive, but it stands.
#quin muses#and please don’t refer to him as a donut in general#there is one donut Blorbo in this fandom and that’s Katakuri#portgas d ace#opla#one piece live action
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Not sure what the actual term for it is (I'm reasonably sure it isn't actually 'standpoint epistemology') but the sort of people who make 'listen to [x] voices' the central principle of understanding politics seem to ten to be (unsurprisingly, I guess) just utterly vicious to people who share the identity but don't agree with them. Like to the same degree as the actual identified oppressors/natural enemies.
#it's 2am and I'm rambling#this post most directly inspired by seeing the way a few different big zionist blogs talk about Jewish Voice For Peace#but point generalizes imo#musing
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Spooktober | Anime Edition | 010
🌙
#sailor moon fanart#fan art#generative art#illustration#digital illustration#manga#aestheitcs#art#anime#anime fanart#spooktober#spooky#halloween#pumpkin#zombie#sailor moon#sailor saturn#muse#black art#beautiful#artists on tumblr#melanated#melanin poppin#lol
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always enjoyed the Chess Set In The Foreground perspective framing used here
now also noting like, huh, a chess set in a general store just visited by marigold competitors who killed one of their guys and are now on the way back from their rendezvous point w/suppliers
#and now to take a big sip of ''nothing suggests lackadaisy ft. people stuck / things repeating / death begetting death''#not like i suppose we're going to be hit with ''& then mordecai and viktor sat down at the defiance field office for every passing gangster#played chess and then went and properly slaughtered the lackadaisy crew and arbogasts at the funeral home / barn w/car-sized holes''#good reminder though that Viktor Is Now Active....left off with elsa managing to give him a phonecall; for good measure#lackadaisy#i have no lengthy Mitzi Mordecai Murder Mystery Musings posts for today (b/c not enough fresh musing insights) but no prommies#epiphanies are on their own schedule#quite the chess piece arrangement seen there too lol. can't tell if there's any Classic Configuration in the game b/w viktor & mordecai#not a chesshead and never was lol strategy games??? who's that#or i'll play them but not strategically. invented Flick Chess for indoor recess in elementary school#you flick a piece across the board and whatever you knock off the board = you took those pieces lmfao#though not like that has Zero strategy. thinking of my day enjoying tiddlywinks research#imagine my delight revisiting all this material like oh yeah the little pic of freckle tiddlywinking#let's squop; boys#i'm also supposing that chess sets? checkers sets? and etc. would be common general store features; like phone usage....real general....#but like; what; are we expecting this Not to bring a response from marigold lol#got the nervous twitch but they're like ''ah it's fine. cost of doing business''
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What have they done to you?
#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen ning#mdzs art#my art#the ghost general#idk where this popped up from#but I’m feeling my mdzs muse returning!
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I am so glad that the kid spectrals have such normal and caring spirits who will definitely not physically endanger and/or cruelly betray them in the midst of their lives already being destroyed by cults, monsters, and interpersonal drama. It’s so cool and nice 👍
#paranatural#pnat spoilers#paranatural spoilers#*SHAKES THEM ALL* BE NICE TO YOUR KIDS?#Isabel doesn’t get an evil spirit partner but she does get all of her kind caring spirit partners forcibly taken from her#which she is subsequently scolded mocked and belittled for by a grown ass man. so she’s also not doing great over here#I also feel like these parallels(?) are maybe harsh towards some of them#catnine is just straight up shitty. pacts will almost certainly be shitty in the future but technically hasn’t done anything wrong YET#to max I mean. not in general. I side eye the sphinxes#muse and forge have the potential and motives to be shitty later but I personally doubt they will go as far as any of the others#and peekaboo. if I’m being honest. I don’t believe it genuinely has the capacity to fully understand that it is hurting/betraying Dimitri#like fully is just concerned with wanting a friend to play with and not being abandoned.#which obviously doesn’t mean that Dimitri WONT get hurt/betrayed further or that the hurt/betrayal is in any way less#we also do not know what’s up with Scrapdragon considering she is also currently incapable of experiencing complex thoughts lol#could be evil. could be cool. is currently just a big hungry and kind of irritated snake lady. which I love for her personally#I don’t remember if Scrapdragon has been given pronouns. just that max calls her girl. assigned lady snake by the protag.
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Agatha tells Wanda there will always be torches and pitchforks for women like them.
Lilia exemplifies this in the way she talks about how witches are perceived in culture (and I think may even allude to Agatha's line at one point).
Maybe Agatha doesn't just mean witches in general.
Maybe she means witches with great power they cannot control.
Because we see how even other witches go after Agatha, even from the beginning.
It's not just a general warning about witches; it's a personal warning filled with experience.
#musings#agatha all along#wandavision#agatha spoilers#maybe?#agatha not being able to control her power when she killed her first coven i think's been in there since the beginning#which is a nice set up for generational trauma#evanora -> agatha -> wanda -> america#etc.#anyway#agatha harkness#wanda maximoff#scarlet witch#lilia calderu
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100 INDULGENT TROPES
A collection of one hundred tropes of varying nature. Spiritual successor to my previous An Extremely Self-Indulgent Meme. Some of these pair well together and can easily be sent in various combinations. Some are also highly suggestive in nature. Engage appropriately.
one muse steps protectively in front of the other
one muse tends to the other’s injury
one muse is not acting like themselves and the other has to snap them out of it
one muse kisses the other during an argument
one muse pins the other to a wall
one muse kisses the other on their hand or wrist
one muse kisses the other on their neck or shoulder
one muse helps the other put on a necklace or tie
our muses aren’t supposed to be together but keep meeting anyway (on purpose or by accident)
our muses have a secret relationship
one muse takes a blow meant for the the other
one muse fights away enemies attacking the the other
one muse asks the other for their favor / a token before battle or a tourney
our muses share a night together believing it might be their last
our muses are in an arranged marriage / betrothal
our muses willingly marry for political reasons
our muses get married for love
our muses get married in a spur-of-the-moment decision
one muse has taken the other captive
our muses are in love but one thinks they aren’t good enough for the other
our muses are forced to ally for a common goal
our muses are enemies or former enemies but have started to fall for each other
our muses claim to hate each other but there is palpable tension between the two
our muses are trying to manipulate each other
one muse is trying to manipulate the other
our muses have feelings for each other but have conflicting loyalties
our muses are friends but have started to fall for each other
our muses are childhood friends that have been slowly falling for each other over the years
one muse has been in love with the other for a long time but is afraid their feelings are not reciprocated
one muse is in love with the other but they are in a relationship with or engaged to another person
our muses engage in a courtly romance
one muse is a knight in service to the the other’s family
one muse seeks comfort from a loveless marriage with the other, their lover
one muse traces the other’s scars
one muse kisses the other in a moment of heightened emotion
one muse confides in the other in a vulnerable moment
our muses are in love but circumstances prevent them from being together
our muses are exes who discover lingering feelings after reuniting
one muse confesses love to another after that person is injured
one muse confesses love to another because they believe they may die soon
our muses must share a bed
one muse lifts the other’s chin to look them in the eye
one muse places a hand at the back of the other’s neck to pull them extremely close
our muses have been hooking up, no strings attached
our muses have been hooking up, but one or both has developed deeper feelings
our muses are exes that hook up against their better judgement
one muse presumes the other is dead but is shocked when they show up alive again
one muse betrays their long held loyalties in order to save the other’s life from their own allies
our muses fake a relationship but have no actual interest in each other
our muses fake a relationship but start to genuinely fall for each other
one muse is known for their hard exterior and softens only in the other’s presence
one muse is the other’s weakness, something an enemy is trying to exploit
our muses are stuck somewhere together and must occupy their time
one muse has feelings for the other but has not acted on them due to their association with another character (a sibling / relative / ex / etc. ) or an organization
one muse is scared to act on feelings for the other due to poor experiences with love in the past
one muse is oblivious to the other’s feelings for them
one muse acts oblivious to the other’s feelings for them but really they are aware
one muse has unrequited feelings for the other
our muses are co-workers engaging in a hidden romance
one muse reveals one of their darkest secrets to the other
one muse comforts the other during an emotional breakdown
one muse calms the other from an intense rage
one muse’s family forbids them from seeing the other
our muses are in love but their friends / family do not support their relationship
one muse seeks redemption for past actions and comes to the other to atone
our muses regularly exchange letters
our muses move in together
our muses adopt a pet together
our muses have a child together
our muses adopt a child together
one muse discovers they are pregnant by accident
our muses have been set up by mutual friends
our muses have been set up by a matchmaker
our muses are in love with each other but are in denial
one muse is the other’s bodyguard / protector
one muse is royalty while the other is a commoner / rogue / societal outcast
one muse kisses the other for a bet
one muse relentlessly flirts with the other
our muses kiss for the first time ever
one muse wins a date with the other at an event
our muses dance together for the first time
one muse brushes their fingers through the other’s hair
one muse drunkenly confesses something to the other
our muses drunkenly hook up and wake up next to each other
our muses are roommates
our muses are partners in crime
one muse is a supernatural creature who falls for the other, who is a mortal
our muses are supernatural creatures from opposite clans or species that are historically hostile to each other
one muses is under a spell / in the middle of a monstrous transformation but somehow recognizes the other and refrains from harming them
our muses cuddle for warmth
our muses run away together
one muse wears piece of clothing or jewelry that belongs to the other
our muses bathe together
our muses cook together
our muses cuddle in bed
one muse serenades the other
one muse holds a weapon to the other as a threat
one muse physically lifts the other up
one muse protectively wraps an arm around the other
meet cute !
#rp memes#roleplay memes#roleplay prompts#rp prompt#scenario prompts#rp tropes#[memes ; mine]#[memes ; general]#[memes ; for muse]
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I've said it before but butches really are the pinnacle of beautiful women to me and I will say it again and again
#this is prompred by my thinking about my girlfriend <3#but also in general you know#butch#butch positivity#musings
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I see a lot of "but so and so should know that was offensive, or harmful, or upsetting, I shouldn't have to tell them" especially in online communities. Usually right before heaping abuse on a person for something they allegedly said or did.
The thing is that everyone fucks up. We aren't born knowing everything and the world is a vast place. The only way we can ever know with certainty that we've upset someone is if they tell us, preferably with their words.
There are a ton of studies that show that berating, shame, and verbal or physical abuse are not effective teaching tools. You don't beat a child who is not able to recite their ABCs when you think they should be able to do so (and if you do, what the fuck is wrong with you). If you really want to help make the world a better place, then using your words to tell someone that they upset you for any reason is the best way to do it.
People are not mind-readers. The only way they will know that you've upset them is if you tell them. And I don't mean tell them with angry words and accusations. Think about the last time someone tried that approach with you? Did you listen or did you react in fear and shame and spiral so hard you couldn't remember what was said in detail after?
Using I statements is helpful. Some examples:
"I felt really uncomfortable when you said x. Could you not use that term around me?"
"Were you aware that where I'm from that is a slur? I'd really appreciate it you wouldn't use it."
A lot of times people are generally unaware of things and for a whole host of reasons that are not deliberate, willful ignorance. And sometimes people just misspeak. People get tired, people get emotional, people fuck up. Give them a chance to learn. If they refuse to change at all and refuse to learn, then remove them from your life.
#v's musings#this is a general observation spurred by a conversation with one of my niblings#not vagueblogging#communication and kindness#best ways to try to improve the world#how can people learn if no one tells them what they screwed up in the first place?
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