#{ ben is a fucking adult on this blog and YET }

[nothorses]

as i understand you and your friends have a habit of taking what can be called the "ben shapiro argument method" (taking what someone says and misconstruing it enough that they have no way to respond without looking bad, even though it has nothing to do with what was originally stated, nor does the opposer raise any real points), i have decided to present this as a nice, clear, and concise numbered list, so i hope you can respond in a way that makes sense for once! :) 1. it was not private, that person posted it on a publicly available blog, the person in question chose to make this public 2. huge difference between what you're describing and FANTASIZING about that and "corrective rape" for transgender women and cisgender lesbians as well, which is what happened 3. i never said i disagreed that trans people should come together against transphobia, i said that the word "transunitism" sounds fascist, because it does 4. unlike the person in question, i am anonymous, i am choosing to stay private, you have no right to know what i do or do not enjoy. hell, you don't even know if i am an adult, and making a leap like that is a really dangerous thing you should reassess, because if this keeps coming up, as it has proven to, and people keep saying this, as they have been proven to. you will inevitably land yourself in deep shit.

sure, let's play.

it was a (password-protected, afaik) kink roleplay blog marked NSFW and restricted to adults. that's not the same as consent, for anything. it is especially not consent to spread shit around to random individuals who also, like, do not want to fucking hear about it (as I do not) (that's also sexual harassment btw. if you even care).

what I am describing is literally what happened. what I am telling you is a. not contradicted by anything he has said elsewhere, and b. what he told me. at minimum, you should not be making the assumption or claim that the kink is his without iron-clad proof, regardless of whether or not you believe me that it was someone else's.

literally do you hear yourself.

you are saying that you believe the only difference between situations where it is or is not okay to judge a person by their kinks, spread them around to strangers, and encourage harassment against them-- is whether that information has been made available to you (even if this was not consensual).

buddy. hey.

I don't want to know about your fucking kinks, you absolute buffoon.

these tags?

blatant sarcasm. I am mocking you, because your logic is all the way unhinged.

it would be literally horrific if everyone was expected or required to publicly state their every sexual interest, fantasy, kink, thought, or act so that the entire rest of the world could judge their morality and determine how worthy of harassment they were based on fucking Thought Crime.

but your argument hinges on the assumption that everyone should know about the sexual roleplay this guy did at the request of his transfem partner a few years ago, because it makes him dangerous that he has this kink (even though he doesn't actually have this kink).

so here's my question:

how do we know you don't have these kinks? how can we be sure you're not just hiding them? anon, you could be the biggest rape fetishist in the world for all anyone else knows! you are literally anonymous- who's to say you don't have a sex roleplay blog where you act out even more scandalous and non-normative sexual fantasies? I certainly don't have any way to know!

if the only thing that makes you a "good person" here is that nobody knows about your kinks (yet), then this truly has nothing to do with the kinks themselves.

I don't want to fucking know your kinks, anon. I also didn't want to know his. I don't fucking care, I did not consent to any of this, and neither did he. both of us, and many others, have asked explicitly and for years now for this to please, please stop.

and yet here you are.

[gleefullypolin]

Can we all just sit down and have a chat...

Like family dinner or some shit because seriously you all are being fucking mental.

Sorry this is long and I'm just ranting to myself. DNR

I didn't have social media until the start of the year for Bridgerton. Mostly because so much of the fandom is fucking mental. My only socials were for Captain swan and don't get me wrong, that place is a cesspool of shit too but come on guys...this is crazy shit for a romance show about a family.

On my last one, I got it...the fandoms hated each other because the ships cross pollinated. (you see what I did there) lol. Captain Swan hated Swan Queen, Swan Fire, everyone wanted to burn each other alive and nothing was happy. I know discourse.

But this is literally no reason at all. They are brothers and sisters with no incest. They aint out here fucking each other.

Now, what I do want to say is, I sit back quietly and watch but I also keep a lot of receipts. So seeing a lot of people talking like they are up on a high tower of purity is pretty funny, because I also watched the shit show that happened at the end of S2. Trust me, there is no high tower to be sitting on, when that tower had sniper guns and you were literally shooting at people from them.

Polin's for the most part are quiet. Their reddit is pretty peaceful. There is always something being talked about, a competition to be voted on, pretty art, a fun meme, interesting conversation to be had. It's not a hate fest. That was necessary because the main sub is a rotten piece of shit that cannot be navigated for the most part and is not safe for Polin's to be in.

If you have been there, you would know that every six days or so, someone will post the same tribe, "I didn't like S3 and can't get through all of it, please help me understand why" usually followed by a sentence that says "S2 is the best and I love X or I was so upset when Ben got shoved to the side" Again I have no idea why these posts are necessary. If you don't like something, don't watch it, don't ask us to help you figure out why you don't like it. But also, these posts aren't actually there for them to ask us anything, its simply there to boost the negativity around S3.

There is no need for this, but it continues to happen.

The anti blogs continue to spew stupidity toward Polin that doesn't even track with normalcy. If you are an adult with this type of blog, please go back to your job and re-evaluate your life. But you cannot be NOT part of scripting, casting, shondaland, bridgerton, and still have so much insight into the scripts, casting, shondaland, and bridgerton. Please be so for real and go to work.

The Kanophies have spent so many years torturing the Polins that it has become normal in this fandom. So normal that now anything that happens for S4, it is just expected that Polin world shut the fuck up and take their medicine and if anything outside of that happens, it is bad behavior on our part. I think the Polins have earned their voice.

S3 was SUCCESSFUL, let me say that for the dumbass idiots in the back who do not understand how things work and twist themselves into pretzels to try and misconstrue numbers, try and talk to you in facts that don't add up, make you feel like the world is upside down, or speak like this:

"Every season builds on the next and so it makes sense that each season is more popular as the next comes out so it only makes sense for S3 to see these numbers."

If that was the case, S2 would have done better than S1 and yet here we are. With that not being the case. Also if that was the case, shows would not get cancelled so often because viewership dies down as shows continue their seasons. Math doesnt math because they are simply wrong.

The things they are saying are only to help them feel better. Look I'm not wanting Bridgerton to be cancelled. I'm happy when all seasons do well. S1, S2, S3 are ALL on the Top 10 list. I'm incredibly proud of S3 and how well it did, mostly because those parts of our fandom OPENLY ROOTED FOR ITS FAILURE. They wanted it to flop, they prayed for it to flop, they told our leads out in the open they wanted them to do terribly and hoped they sucked. This is what we are dealing with, again, we have receipts....you are not on a high tower.

And yes, its not the whole fandom, these are sub sets of the fandom, I will give you that IF YOU WILL ALSO GIVE US THE SAME GRACE AND STOP BLAMING ALL POLINS FOR OURS!

But also, is it not odd.....completely that when something does go down....on the Polin side, its from an account that was created that day or from a week prior who is suddenly being incredibly racist or homophobic. OUT OF THE BLUE. We should all be wary of accounts like that and call them out.....WHICH POLINS do immediately.

Sadly, what I'm seeing coming from the other side, is from long time accounts calling Nic fat, trashing our side of our ship. Being rude to Luke. Just go read some comments on Netflix for any post on Bridgerton. S3, S4, doesn't matter, I dare you. It's not nice from our beloved fandom.

So spare me your lectures. Look at yourselves in the mirror. Stop telling me that I have to be nice. I'm done with this.

Yes, the video came out yesterday and some Polins made a comment about chemistry. And why did that happen?

BECAUSE THE FIRST THING A BENOPHIE ACCOUNT SAID WAS:

THANK GOD we finally have leads with chemistry again.

Isnt it good to have leads with chemistry again

THIS is what chemistry looks like instead of that fake stuff from before

Ok that is what bullying is. So we punched back. And I'm sorry, but sometimes you just get fucking tired of being talked shit to all the damn time. And yeah I didnt see chemistry either. I didnt respond to anyone about it, but you know what I'm not going to lecture anyone who did. And the ONE comment that stirred the pot was LITERALLY not directed to ANYONE and all it said was ERM. so spare me the clutching of the pearls.

I'm over being attacked and being called the bully.

Polin fanfic writers can't even write fic about Pen being friends with Anthony or a story with Kanthony without being bullied in their comments. They can't write a fic about Newton with being trolled in their comments and called racist or worst because they dared take a dog away from a POC. I wish I was making some of this stuff up that I have seen in comments. It is brutal out there and I have never seen it going the other way. I'm sorry, I have gone out and searched. It's always some account created brand new and faked. These are long time accounts commenting on people who wrote a nice fic and tagged a ship APPROPRIATELY.

So how about you sit down and enjoy your season and maybe, just maybe if you spent more time writing your own fics, speculating on your own season, enjoying your own leads and keeping S3 out of your mouths, you might spend less time worrying what Polin's are doing.

It's just so fucking tiring.

Sorry for the rant.

edit: I'm not just yelling at outside our fandom either. some of our own polin's need to cut shit out too. L/N are having to alter their own behavior cuz our side act like fucking freaks too. Stop stalking them. Luke's had to alter his SM profile or posts how many times because you guys are calling around to his hotels to ask about his GF. Would you all act like the adults you all actually are.

[alligatorjesie]

Listen I don’t give a single fuck about a thing you typed here. I don’t care about... whatever that fuck all this noise is. It's batman I think? Batman adjacent?

I'm too fucking stoned to care.

What I do care about is why the fuck you’re in my tag. I’m kinda struggling to even understand why you put it in there but alas, you fucking did and after a walk through your tags I can see you're one of those people with a 'I can't understand that fiction is fake therefore no one can enjoy it' hot take about reylo and now here I am.

Like you lit up a bat signal but the signal is a giant cock and balls.

Now before you go off in the ‘You can block the anti tag if you don’t like it’ direction, understand this: I want to see shitheads posting in the tag because it informs me there are assholes in my tag and I should tell them where the fuck the exit is for the health of my fandom and the space we occupy. You are not welcome here.

It's that little red X up in the corner of your window by the way.

Don’t like reylo? Cool.

Don’t interact with this fandom.

Don’t post in this tag.

I don’t give a shit about your fandom or why you’re this upset about a fictional character's fictional morals. Jackson Toad can fucking roll into a shit filled ditch for all the fucks I don't give.

Before you go on about ‘But I am tagging it correct!’

You’re not.

You’re tagging it wrong. I’ve had this conversation before many times so I made this post to summarize for assholes like you who can’t figure out why assholes like me keep showing up when you tag like this.

The tag you want is antireylo OR anti-reylo

Not anti reylo

if you don’t want assholes like me showing up in your OPEN TO THE PUBLIC BLOG.

I know it’s your blog.

I know you can tag it however the fuck you want.

But if you tag it like this: Anti Reylo

You’re going to have to deal with people like me because You Tagged Anti Shit In My Fandom’s Tag And I’m Getting Really Fucking Tired Of Seeing It.

Better fucking yet don't be an Anti but you're too much a petulant fuck to consider that.

I could and should ask why the fuck you even care, so I guess I’m gonna.

See, I don’t post to content I don’t like.

I hated The Rise of Skywalker so much I'm making a comic that just pretends it never even happened.

But you know fucking what? I don’t harass the Star Wars EP9 tag with Anti spam. I give it as much attention as I think it deserves, which is fucking zero. I’m mature enough to know I can ignore things I don’t like.

I question why the fuck you care enough to even bring reylo up this many years after it’s relevancy to you. You don’t strike me as a fan of Star Wars so why the fuck you think you have a horse in this race is fucking beyond me, at the end of the day it don’t fucking matter.

What matters is you’re in my fucking tag being a cunt and I’m telling you to fucking leave if you can't be nice.

I cannot inform you enough that not a single person in this fandom gives a fucking shit about your concerns over the fictional relationship between Ben Solo and Rey of Jakku and if said fictional relationship is abusive or not.

I’m a motherfucking adult. Most of the people in this fandom are young adults who understand what goddamn fiction is and have long ago figured out that the story and the characters are fake.

Oh? Did Kylo Ren abduct Rey then bridle carried her onto his ship while a John Williams rendition of Space Romeo and Juliet plays in the background?

Yeah.

It doesn't matter if it’s morally correct.

It’s fucking fake.

Oh no. Did Rey slash Kylo’s face from mid-pectoral muscle to his forehead leaving a horrendous scar he carries with him for three whole movies?

Yeah.

It doesn't matter if it’s morally correct.

It’s fucking fake.

It's an enemies to lovers ship. A pretty vanilla one at that. There is a war going on and they're on opposite ends of it so they're gonna fight.

I... I don't know what else to fucking tell you.

Don’t you fucking mind if you think the ship is abusive.

If you don’t fucking enjoy it, don’t interact with it.

I and everyone else in this fandom knows what this ship is and we don’t need an emotionally stunted child who is too fucking young and ignorant to grapple with even shallow emotional complexities of a fictional ETL relationship or how the fuck an incredibly basic redemption arc works posting horseshit lies about the ship we enjoy in our own tag.

I’m fucking tired of seeing it.

So I’m only going to tell you this once. Mostly because I know you’re going to block me the moment you read this because you have the emotional maturity of a fucking 13 year old but maybe one day you’ll look back on this interaction and realize what a mindless fucking cunt you have been to people in this fandom for over three years now over shit that ain’t anything for you to fucking mind in the first place.

Or maybe I’ll make a second account and we’ll do this all over again when your stupid ass posts unwelcomed and unwanted in this tag once more relating some horseshit from the character who literally wants to spend his massive wealth on dressing up like a super hero and punch baddies instead of actually helping his city feel less like Skid Row to the one baddie in the new star wars that cries to his granddad's melted helmet that he doesn't feel enough like a bad guy.

We’ll fucking see.

Most Jason Todd simps aren't actually Jason Todd simps.You're probably wondering what the fuck i mean by this so i will explain:

Almost all of the traits these zero rizz weirdos say they love about Jason are literally the opposite of him.He respects women very much and always has yet they have him say misogynistic shit,he's not actively interested in romance and s///ex yet they make him a serial flirt,he thinks in-cest is gross yet barely gets any shipping outside of his family member's(both canon ones and ocs and i can't tell which pisses me off more)and he kills ped0philes yet they insist he'd be attracted to minors and want to date people way older than him when he's only in his early 20s,including his much older brother's wife💀The only one they get right is that he's a cocky asshole with a soft side and even then,the 'soft side' is invaliated by the rest of the stuff they do with him

Like idk who they're simping for but it's not Jason Todd,maybe it's Kylo Ren,and i ask that they Cease

[snowfalledarchived]

would  anyone  maybe  ..  perhaps  ..  allow  me  to  test  out  my  shawn  spencer  muse  on  them  ?

[creeps-and-pasta]

Hi! Came across your blog while looking into creepypasta stuff and was wondering if youd know some key info on the main characters and the various versions of them? Ive seen lots of different versions of the creeps and lots of varying ages for them, it seems cool but also a little confusing. Like ive seen several ages for Jeff Woods: 13, 15 or even in his 20s. Im pretty curious about him and some others like Jane, Ben, and Nina!

Thank you for taking the time to send me these asks! I love explaining and going over creepypasta history. Also, thank you for your patience, I’m busy moving into a new apartment, so I’ve been neglecting this blog for a while. 

I haven’t yet found one place to find a bunch of creepypasta history in one place, which I’ve been trying to fix. I’m planning on making either a google docs or neocities page one day that will put a bunch of creepypasta info in one place, but that will be a while. The info I’m pulling from is TV Tropes and the creepypasta fandom wikia.

The creepypasta fandom is different from most fandoms, because it lacks a true canon. Jeff the Killer is a huge example of this, it’s really hard to tell who first came up with him, or which version is the original. 

Essentially, the famous Jeff the Killer image has been around since 2005, and in 2008 a user on Encyclopaedia Dramatica named Sesseur created a video about Jeff the killer and Liu, which I will link here. (WARNING for images of spiders and the original Jeff the killer image). My favorite line from the video is “he’ll fucking gut you” lol.

So anyway Sesseur is credited as the creator of Jeff the Killer and Liu, though it’s unknown if he created the og image or not. It’s notable that Jeff is an adult in the story. This version is Jeff C. Hodek.

The classic Jeff the Killer story, where Jeff is a kid that gets bullied and set on fire, was created by GameFuelTV on deviantart. This was in 2011. This is Jeffery Alan Woods. Jeff is like, 13? 

A rewrite was made in 2015, by K. Banning Kellum, who I believe has a tumblr account, so be nice to him. This is the Jeff that has half his face burnt off, I think Kellum possibly did this to mimic TwoFace from the Batman comics, rather than the Joker homage that Jeff has had for years. I believe this Jeff is still named Jeffery Alan Woods.

There’s also Mr.Betty Kreuger’s version that I may as well mention. He’s a voice actor that did a whole lot of creepypasta impressions back in the day, and has a terribly written creepypasta series on his youtube channel. I…do not like MBK, but admittedly his hallway of nightmares video is sick af. He has a really good LJ voice. ANYWAY. His version of Jeff is called Jeff Keaton. 

I could go into so much more depth with this, and I will probably make another post soon detailing the many Bens in this fandom, along with Jane and Nina. This is just…a lot of work to write about lol. I used to have notes about this somewhere, but I can’t find them atm.

    I guess the key word here is “interpretation”. There is no One True Jeff, or one way for a person to write him. It’s all up to your personal interpretation of who Jeff is, what he is like, and which last name you prefer him having.

[sadselfhelp]

Who I Am, And Why I Created This Blog.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Child Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Violence, Drug Overdose, Suicide, Psychotic Breaks. 

Take a walk with me, let me show you around the mind of The Sad Hatter.

There's a lot going on in my head right now, and I feel like I'm on the precipice of something. I'm standing on a cliff's edge and I'm either going to plummet or I'm going to fly. It's been building inside me for a long time, and I can't contain it anymore. So here it is, here's me laid bare, because I need to say this, I need to put it into words. I need to purge it all. To try and make sense of all of this shit in my brain, I think it's time I organize it. I don't know where to begin, but I guess I start at the beginning and make use of the ability to edit.

Before you read this, please be aware of the trigger warnings. And please understand that this is the most honest and open I have been, I really am stripped bare in this piece of writing. It’s not at all pretty, and am I not guiltless in parts. This may well alter whatever opinion you have of me. 

I guess the beginning is birth, right? But I don't want to rehash all that trauma, so let me speed through it. Twenty-Eight years ago I was born, violently. I'm serious, I ripped my way out of the womb, and tore that thing apart. I guess I can sort of understand why my mother couldn't love me after that was my first act, collapsing her womb. So let me speedrun this part of the story. Mum didn't want me, gave me to my dad who raised me as a single parent with the help of his parents, until he met my stepmother. Shockingly, she didn't want me either, but because she couldn't get rid of me she decided to physical and psychological torture was the next best thing. 

When I was eleven years old I snapped and didn't want to put up with it anymore, so I wrote a goodbye note and then snuck into the medicine cabinet and took a bunch of pills. Spoiler alert, I didn't die. I did however end up in a children's home, cue more abuse, little bit of bullying and sexual assault etc.... I snapped again, but instead of turning my anger inwards, I became an absolute bastard. Ok, I still turned it inwards a bit, I had a lot of anger, and now I have a few hundred scars to prove it. But, it turns out that violence can beget violence, and I acted out in every possible way. Racked up a horrifying rap sheet, assault, vandalism, arson, and finally... GBH. I was supposed to get put in a secure unit (child prison – Scottish Edition) but I was always able to talk myself out of trouble. 

See, I was this tiny little white girl with big sad eyes and a hell of a sob story, even at the bottom of the food chain I still had privilege. So instead of getting locked up, I just got sent to a different home. And here's the really messed up part, this home was better. The staff were nicer, and nobody hurt me. My behavior literally changed overnight. I went from being charged by the police on a weekly basis, to never getting so much as a pocket money sanction. I will never excuse my actions, nor condone them, but after years of guilt I finally realized that the bad things I did were in retaliation to a bad situation, and though I wasn’t acting like a good person, I’m not a bad person, just a messed up one. 

I still refused to go to school though, because though I didn't yet know it at the time, I had severe social anxiety. I was smart, a little too smart to be honest, and I found myself thriving with a private tutor. When the time came to sit my exams, someone fucked up, and despite having record breaking test scores on the pre-exams, I never actually got to sit my standard grades (think SAT's – Scottish Edition). I'm still bitter about that. So by this point in the story, I'm 16, and legally an adult, too old for a children's home. I got turfed to a hostel, and the next few parts of the story are pretty fuzzy to me. 

This is where my mental health really started to deteriorate. I bounced between homeless hostels and B&B's for a year or so, until I got a my first flat/apartment. By that point, I was utterly fucked in the head. I was blacking out frequently, for anywhere between a couple of minutes to three days. I would come back to myself in sometimes compromising positions, and once there was blood. A lot of blood, splashed all over the walls. Then there was the time I suddenly found myself standing in the kitchen, about to plunge a knife into my own chest.

Nobody ever did tell me what the hell that was about. Or maybe they did and I just... forgot? But because I was extremely suicidal, a doctor finally decided to do something, and the police and the paramedics came to my door to take me to the psychiatric hospital. I spent ten months there while I cycled through various anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, and was 'rehabilitated into society'. The second I was out, I made the worst decision I have ever made in my life. If I can give you one piece of advice, one lesson to take from my shitshow of a life, it's this: Don't move hundreds of miles away to be with the guy you met online while you were having a psychotic break.

I've never really thought of myself as a victim, but I guess I'm the only one who saw it that way. Ben, that was his name, Ben was a monster, and I didn't know it until it was too late. He never hit me, never lifted a hand to me, he never had to. He could put a knife in my hand and make me hurt myself for his entertainment. I had told him everything, so he knew exactly how to break me down, how to make me want to bleed. He locked me in a house and used me up. And when I had enough, and tried to break free of him, he would just tell the police I was mentally ill and they would smile sympathetically and give me back to him.

But then my dad had a breakdown. My dad, who when he found out what my stepmother was doing to me, buried his head in the sand and packed my little suitcase for me. I hadn't spoken to him in a while until he reached out from the same psychiatric ward I had not long vacated. He had cracked under the realization that I had never lied about her, and the guilt broke him apart. I could have hated him, if it had happened a few years earlier then I would have. But I had experienced enough of the world to learn a few things, like how easily it is to fuck up, and that no matter how strong you are, you aren't immune to monsters. The truth was he was as much a victim of her evil as I was. She had manipulated him, played with his head, used his insecurities against him. So I helped him through his issues, the way I wished someone had helped me. That doesn't really make me a good person, it just makes me human.

But my dad got better, and found his footing. And when he did, he realized something wasn't right with me, and I told him the truth about Ben. My dad had left me to suffer at the hands of an abuser once before, and he wasn't going to allow it to happen again. He came and got me, and he took me home. He moved me in with him, gave me his bed and slept on the couch. After a couple of months, he helped me get my own place.

And that's the happy ending, right? All the trauma was over, I was safe, that's where the story should end. Right? I bet you're not naive enough to believe that, but I sure as hell was. I thought I would recover and that everything would be ok. I thought that with safety, there would come the chance to heal. I thought my wounds would scab over, and I would have my scars but at least I would be able to move without bleeding out. But that's not how trauma works. I had two decades worth of trauma, abuse, and hell.

I just... faded. I didn't crack, I didn't crumble, I didn't break, I just stopped. For five years I sat in one room of my home, drowning inside myself. Last year I got handed a lifeline, and now I live somewhere better. I'm not really allowed to live independently so I actually live in kind of retirement village of all places. I have my own house, but it's got intercoms and emergency cords everywhere, I get checked on daily by on on-site worker. And I'm trying to get better, I really am. It's just not that easy.

There's more to the whole story that I maybe should have put in, like the fact that my mother was a drug addict when she was pregnant with me, and that may have been the reason some of my organs didn't properly form and/or formed wrong. My lung split in half when I was a baby, and parts of my stomach are missing. Or that my mother is full on batshit insane. I could have had a perfect childhood and I still would have been mentally ill. Hell, I was seeing psychologists at five years old. Take my sketchy genetics, add twenty years of severe traumas, and well... I'm a little fucked up. Because a lot of medical conditions use acronyms, my full list of diagnosis looks like I'm collecting the fucking alphabet.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Agoraphobia. I also have a Pulmonary Sequestration, Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, the stomach and lung issues. Immune Hemolytic Anemia, I'm basically allergic to my own blood. Plus, ya know, my liver recently decided to just fucking nope out, the pissy lil bitch is failing. I also may or may not have cancer, I don't know because I pussied out of the tests. At this point I am a walking, decaying corpse that is held together by glitter glue and bitterness.

So... why exactly am I writing this? And why am I even considering posting this? I mean, my problems aren't as bad as some other people's. We've all got shit to deal with, especially in 2020. The whole world is falling apart, so what right do I have to sit here pouting and pouring my problems out? Well, for a start, I guess this is my blog, I can post whatever, and it's up to everyone else if they read it.

So here it is, you have the backstory, so here's what it's all been leading up to.

I'm struggling. Like, really struggling. I'm stuck on this cliff, and I want off, any way I can. Whether I fall or fly, I just want free. I can't live like this anymore, because I can't breathe.

The fucking agonizing duality of being socially anxious and too easily overstimulated, and yet feeling fucking empty inside if you're not surrounded by action and noise. The world is too noisy for my brain, but my brain is too noisy for the world. I get antsy if I'm not doing at least a thousand different tasks, but I get overwhelmed if I try to do anything at all. It leads to short bursts of mania, followed by weeks of depression. But underneath all of that, under all the dramatic showboating, and the dark humor, under all the bravado... I'm really just sad.

Years ago, when I first came up with the moniker "The Sad Hatter", I said it was because I may be mad, but my madness was born of sadness. I'm just sad. I carry it with me where my heart should be. So I named myself Sad, and I put on the hat, and I wore my sadness like armor, turned it into an act, and made a spectacle of it. "I'm The Sad Hatter, and I'm mentally ill but that's alright, I'm going to be just fine!" I told you all I had my issues, and I'll come close to opening up about how bad those issues are, I'll give little chunks of information at intermittent intervals, and then two hours later I'll act like it never happened. I'll admit I was close to killing myself, and then two days later I'll post dog photo's and act like I'm all better.

I'm writing this because I'm sad. And tomorrow, I'll act like I'm not. But when I waver again, I'll come back here and I'll open up again. And along the way, maybe you're reading this and realizing you aren't alone in feeling overwhelmed. Maybe you're realizing you're not the only one who isn't healing neatly and in a timely manner. Maybe you're reading this and gaining some insight into the struggles someone you care about is facing. Maybe my opening up is can help somebody else, I really hope so, but I know it's helping one person. It's helping me.

This blog, it's about living with myself. It's about living with The Sad Hatter.

[adultswim2021]

Space Ghost Coast to Coast #82: “Baffler Meal” | January 1, 2003 - 12:00 AM | S08E01

An all-time classic, wonderful episode. Ending 2002 on a high note (technically this is the first episode of 2003 being that it aired at midnight, but I’m delaying my EPHEMERA CORNER post for as long as I can).

The origins of Aqua Teen Hunger Force are laid bare for all to see with Baffler Meal. Aqua Teen Hunger Force was famously based on a rejected Space Ghost script. Well, this is that script, re-imagining the Aqua Teens based on old designs and concepts from that unproduced episode. The desired effect is to approximate what that episode would have been like had it been produced in 1999 before the Aqua Teen Hunger Force series proper was developed. It’s supposed to be confusing; to the point where in the DVD commentary track they even question weather or not they should make it clear within the commentary that that’s what’s going on here (they do).

I will now take this opportunity to quote one of my favorite synopses of a TV show ever, originally taken from tvtome (remember tvtome? god, what a great site):

Space Ghost is forced into a raw deal with the deadly Colonial Man, forever altering the future of classic rock - again. Willie Nelson and a MOCKERY of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force star in this episode. This episode mocks a great comedy show. It doesn't feel funny in the least.

Here you can see the lack of understanding for what the episode really is. Despite the fact that the ostensible Space Ghost fan (tvtome was run by volunteer submissions for it’s episode data) should one-thousand percent understand the Space Ghost connection, clearly recognize Dave Willis’ voice (he still voices Meatwad in a very similar manner), etc. The degree of confusion this episode caused can not be understated.

Nuggets from the DVD commentary:

Frylock is a guy in a costume in this. Okay, that wasn’t specifically from the DVD commentary, but it’s the first time I caught that detail, ever, and I don’t want to start a separate bullet-point list for stray observations.

Shake’s read of “blahd” instead of “blade” was inspired by a real typo in the script, just like “Branford the Branford” before it.

Todd Hanson of The Onion helped write this episode and kept pitching a character named Napkin Lad. I believe Napkin Lad actually comes to be later in the Aqua Teen series.

And another thing I love: The cool song at the end. The part where Dave is like “OH BABY, YEAH BABY” etc. towards the very end of the episode? That part gets stuck in my head like, VERY FREQUENTLY, and for years I thought it was Bob Odenkirk singing in either a Mr. Show or Ben Stiller Show sketch and have been trying to place it forever. Turns out it wasn’t Bob, but David, and I ain’t talkin’ Cross, do I sound cross to you? Do you even appreciate wordplay??

NEXT is my end-of-the-year roundup of second-run premieres, shorts, commercials, bumpers, etc. That’s right, EPHEMERA CORNER is back! But it’s gonna be a long one so I might break it up over the course of a few days, maybe a week, even.

MAIL BAG

I think these were all anonymous, please forgive me if I have, as the French say, “fucked up” by failing to name the conspirator.

2002 is almost over! What do you think brak's position on the iraq war was? Carl's? Hesh's? Junior addleburg's?

Brak: against, but respects the office of the presidency and urges using civil methods to protest. Carl: pro, he is a white supremacist and is supportive of any and all mass destruction committed on non-white nations. Hesh: HESH WANTS SOME SEX! lol. Junior Addleburg: has not been told about the war.

Do you think you are being overtly charitable to Brak this time around? Surely the best Brak show episode isnt even half as good as the worst Home Movies episode. Right?

I do tend to react to “better” Brak episodes the same way you encourage a problem student when they squeak out a B minus. There absolutely was a time when I loved The Brak Show and was all-in on it. That time was SEPTEMBER 2nd-8th, 2001. Hippo was certainly a factor. 9/11 may have also contributed.

I don’t think I’ve said this yet, but I’ve been keeping a running episode ranking of Adult Swim shows as I’ve been doing this. It’ll probably get revised at some point, so I’m not exactly ready to share it. In my ranking I tended to group Home Movies episodes very close to each other, and I would sometimes talk myself into ranking things a little higher or lower than I normally would just to break up a long streak of Home Movies. So I can actually say with impunity, yes, there are strong episodes of Brak Show that I've ranked over weaker episodes of Home Movies. But I might have to have a little chat with the man in the mirror about that.

Are you only doing animated shows or are you going to do live animated shows to. I feel like most people agree Tim and Eric bringing live-action to the block ruined it permanently even if you think those guys are funny in a vacuum. I'm just wondering because I know you did animation only for your Simpsons Night B-sodes so I feel you are a "tooned-in" guy.

Live-action is getting reviewed too! I can’t WAIT to revisit Saul of the Molemen. Are you fucking kidding me? I’m not sure where to draw the line on the internet stuff, though. If it aired on Adult Swim I’m very likely to cover it, but I don’t see myself covering the FishCenter repeats that aired at 4AM. Anime is generally getting the shaft. Sorry. I think it’d be cool if somebody started a blog that covered Adult Swim Action. But yes, you are right, I’m a pretty tooned-in guy. Lots of people have said this about me.

If you had to dress like any of the Adult Swim First Era characters for Halloween who would you dress as and who would you LIKE to dress as if difficulty of pulling it off wasn't an issue.

There was a Space Ghost muscle suit at one of those Halloween Stores one year and I very nearly bought it even though I had no intention of wearing it for Halloween. I did a very low-effort season 4 Hank Venture because by happenstance my hair looked like his at the time, and I found what looked like Brock’s jacket at a thrift store.

Putting on a blue Sealab uniform and only traveling in a chair with wheels would be real fun. I could probably pull of an effective Carl. As far a difficult costume I’d be the poolside announcer during the O.G. bumpers, because I imagine that he’s very muscular and his dick is real long and it’s constantly flopping out of the pantleg of his swim trunks and that it’s getting sucked off all the time by them old ladies and most of the time he’s like “no no, we mustn’t do that, for I am a professional” but every now and again he’s like “well alright” and this would reflect my experiences at whatever Halloween party I’m at except it would be a 20 year old woman dressed like an old lady because it’s Halloween. Thanks for the question.

Do you have a girlfriend? What does she think of Adult Swim or does she hate cartoons like mine.

I’m not done with the last thing. I would also have a bullhorn and I’d be using it while getting sucked off, even though that’s a discreet affair. Like, we’d find a bedroom that was empty and lock the door and I’d be like “Oh yeah baby suck my peenie, yes you are doing so good at sucking that.” in hushed tones, but into the bullhorn. I’d also use it to yell at children for wearing racist or appropriative costumes, which, as we all know, leads to more getting-your-dick-sucked. Anyway, I got a wife and we literally met at an Adult Swim event during Comic-Con! It was Tim & Eric Awesome-con 2007! I’M NOT LYING

Would you rather take one big bite out of meatwad or drink the entirety of Master Shake.

I wonder if Master Shake is warm. Anyway, I’d go with that, biting Meatwad seems like CERTAIN DEATH.

[breanime]

Bre’s Boys for their reaction when they find out their kid is getting bullied or teased in school

Billy Russo: Billy acts cool during the meeting with the teacher, but he’s seething inside. He hates that his baby boy is getting bullied and didn’t tell him. That night, you and Billy take your son to Anvil. “Violence,” Billy starts, standing in the training room in his sweats, “Isn’t always the answer. But when someone is hurting you, you have a right to defend yourself and others.” So Billy teaches him self-defense, and you and Billy have a talk with your son about speaking up for himself and going to an adult when things get too heated. A week later, you and Billy get a call that your son knocked the bully out...and Billy is so proud, he takes the family out for a nice dinner. 

Logan Delos: “Someone is teasing my princess? But baby, you’re perfect! They’re just jealous!” Logan lets your daughter know that she is smart, beautiful, charming, and unique. He leaves no room for questions--she is his perfect baby, and she should be proud of herself. So she is. Your daughter goes to school the next day with her head held high, and when the other girls try to tease her, she just flips her hair, looks them straight in the eye, and says “you know... jealousy really is the ugliest trait, ladies.” Mic drop.

Jax Teller: When your son comes home from 2nd grade in tears, Jax sits him on his lap, tells him it’s okay, and listens to him. You pace in the living room, heart pounding. When they come out, your son is holding Jax’s hand. “We had a talk,” Jax announces, “Can you call the principal, we’re gonna need to speak to the teacher.” The day of the meeting, Jax pulls up on his bike with you sitting behind him, and the whole MC accompanies you. The meeting goes well, the other kid’s parents are apologetic, but you’re pretty certain that the sight of a bunch of big, scary bikers made an impression on the bully and every other kid at school. Your son doesn’t have any problems after that day. 

Coco Cruz: Coco grew up getting teased, about his Mom, his accent, his clothes, so when he hears that his daughter is getting teased, his heart breaks. He hates seeing her so upset and unhappy, so he does what he wished someone had did for him... He goes to that kid’s father and beats his ass. Then he picks you up from work early, drops a stack of cash in your lap, and takes you and your daughter to the mall for a shopping spree. And that is that!

Angel Reyes: When your son comes home with a black eye, you’re ready to kill someone, but Angel is amused. Your son reports that he was standing up for another kid in his class, and the bully looks worse than he does, and Angel laughs, clapping him on the back. “You know what, you just earned yourself a swing on the bike! C’mon little man!” You shake your head, laughing, and watch as Angel tries to teach your adolescent son how to ride a bike. You know you’ll be getting a call from the school in an hour, but hey... Your son was a hero. 

Miguel Galindo: Miguel calls the teacher, the principals, the school board--he wants a meeting with everyone present. His son is a Galindo, so the fact that anyone was messing with him was UNACCEPTABLE. Miguel brings every bit of that cartel boss power with him to the meeting, and once it’s done, they call your son in and they (the school board) apologize to him for not handling this sooner. Later, Miguel takes your son aside and has a talk to him about “reasonable violence” and lets him know that sometimes... it’s okay to fight back. 

Nick Amaro: Nick installed a strong sense of justice in your son from the get, so when he gets a call from you saying that your son was getting suspended for fighting, he already knew what the fight had been about. He met you at the school, and sure enough, your son had gotten into it with the kid who’s been calling him names all semester. “Your son broke his nose!” The principal reports. You and Nick try to keep a straight face, and since fighting is against the school rules, you except the suspension...but you don’t punish him when he gets home. In fact, Nick turns, smiling at both of you. “Who wants ice cream?”

Johnny Tuturro: The day your daughter comes home in tears because a boy pushed her on the playground, you thought you might have to restrain Johnny. After he had his own meltdown, the two of you comforted your daughter. “Daddy’s gonna show you how to protect yourself,” Johnny promises, “Come on, it’s time I taught you how to box.” Meanwhile, you call the teacher, who says she’s been hearing things about the boy but hasn’t caught him in the act yet. A week later, he pushes her again...and she breaks his nose, busts his lip, and makes him cry in the middle of the playground. The teacher maintained that she didn’t see anything at all, and Johnny takes her to Build A Bear after school. 

Rio: Rio isn’t surprised when your daughter admits some of the girls at school had been harassing her. He is, however, surprised to find that your daughter is upset about it. “You know it’s just jealousy, baby girl,” he tells her as she cries in her bed, “Your mom went through the same thing in high school... You just gotta let it roll of your back.” “W-what does that mean?” “It means you don’t give a shit what irrelevant people say about you, because YOU know your own worth.” She sat up, wiping her tears. “Dad?” “Yeah?” “Can I say... three curse words?” Rio smiles. “Yeah, Princess... just don’t tell Mom.” “Okay,” she takes a breath, “Fuck those bitches.” Rio nods approvingly. “Fuck those bitches.”

*******************************************************************************************

Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think! Which one was your favorite?

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[king0fcrows]

I am SHAKING right now because I’ve had WAAAAAY to much coffee and

I just saw a post about Generator Rex on my dash and here’s the thing:

I had completely forgotten it existed.

I LOVED that show. It was legit one of my first real fandoms? HOW did I entirely fucking forget about it? I literally cannot even remember anything about the show right now except that I was constantly lusting over Agent Six?

And when I went back to look at my fandom timeline on my old archived tumblrs, I also was reminded that I was into Ben 10. Not quite to the degree I was into Gen Rex but enough that I remember reading obsessive!darkfic of Kevin/Gwen back on DeviantArt BEFORE Ben 10 made him into a good guy in Ben Ten: Alien Force.

(Yes, I have apparently always liked creepy ships--even in early adolescence.)

Ben 10 started when I was pretty young, to the point I was watching with intrigue whenever I saw it on cartoon network but not YET able to keep track of a schedule well enough to not miss episodes.

But by the time Ben 10 Alien Force hit?

Oh FUCK yeah--my ability to actually follow fandoms developed!

So my fandom timeline looks like this:

Fanfic.net and DeviantArt accounts started in 2007. I was liking futzing around on these sites a few weeks/months before breaking down and making accounts. I distinctly remember Quizilla being somewhere in there as well. This was right as I ended middle school/started high school and really started getting into fandom as a regular hobby. Main fandoms were Harry Potter, Naruto, Bleach. 

I discovered Livejournal a year or two later and sadly made an account in 2009 right as the site was exploding but I enjoyed the short time I spent there. I was introduced to the Star Trek reboot movies, GenRex, and Ben 10 Alien Force during this time. I futzed around in communities for those fandoms (and the aforementioned fandoms) for a year before I gleaned everyone was mid-exodus and followed to tumblr. I made my first tumblr blog in summer of 2010 but didn’t really start using it regularly until 2011.

I was immediately sucked into the SPN fandom! The pretty blue eyed angel standing in a shower of sparks won my heart and I’ve been in hell ever since. (Even when you leave the SPN fandom you never really leave.) 

Simultaneously, Young Justice started and I enthusiastically jumped in--unearthing my early childhood love of Batman: TAS, Justice League/Unlimited, Batman Beyond, and Teen Titans in the process. I proceeded to rewatch all of those shows. When rewatching JLU I distinctly remember flashing back to the memory of me sobbing over both Solomon Grundy and the Flash nearly/outright dying in their respective JLU episodes when I was roughly eight years old. This is the first time I can remember contemplating death and experiencing empathy for a fictional character. I’m still wrecked if I watch those episodes! (Really DCAU as a whole is pretty heartwrenching and will wreck my ass.)

Also around that time I also was introduced to Ao3 and spent many months just casually reading fic there before I finally wised up and created an account in the summer of 2011.

Iron Man and Thor were my gateway to the greater MCU. I experienced peak tumblr from 2012-2015. Superwholock was everywhere and you can hate it as much as you want but it got me into Doctor Who and I am so, so fucking thankful for all of those fandoms. They were so sincere and enthusiastic and wanting to see the next episode/season and liveblog it along side everyone else were sometimes the only reason teenage me had for not wanting to kill herself.

I made it through the worst of it in my personal life. College happened. I stayed on tumblr even when the Purge happened in 2018. I mourn the loss of p0rn and had to fan myself when I rediscovered the old sideblog I made just for hardcore lemony fanart that I forgot existed until I started making this post.

I’m an adult in a much better place. I’m anxious sometimes about what will happen next in fandom and sometimes nostalgia for what came before makes me feel gloomy/overly pessimistic--but regardless of what comes next, in the end I believe it will be an adventure and full of exploration! I will adapt and I will thrive and I will squee along side everyone else as new and wonderous fandoms emerge!

[marybeatriceofmodena]

Ben Solo’s Story Arc - An Autopsy

This will be the second post before I publish the full TROS review, mainly because it’s yet another thing I want to get out of the way first. After which, I’ll be posting an announcement about the future of this blog, but no worries – I’ll be sticking around.

After Rey and her parentage, I’ll be talking about Ben here specifically – mainly because I have a pretty big inkling that his plotline for TROS was mutilated, and that he initially actually had an arc.

Except, somewhere in the executive meddling, for reasons I myself am not sure of (okay, I got some theories but it’s pointless to share them here), it got cut.

The Rise of Kylo Ren might be an inkling that there was something more in the works, also that when it comes to its take on Snoke, it directly contradicts things TROS sets up. The simplest explanation is that the Lucasfilm Story Group had a hand in TRoKR, and not for TROS. But even then… the comic reveals things that make me BAFFLED they didn’t put that in the films. I don’t want to be that person who thinks 30 minutes of TLJ should have been dedicated to Snoke’s origins, but stuff like how Ben didn’t even destroy Luke’s Jedi Camp? THAT’S the kind of thing you need to include in your film.

Also, I 110% believe the rumors that JJ Abrams just ignored the Story Group’s existence entirely. Wanna know why? Just the fact that Exogol is established as the Sith world… when we know thanks to The Clone Wars that it’s Moraband – which would have been super easy to use. But fuck continuity I guess.

I will say though, I am NOT surprised it’s leaking out that the movie was severely tempered with and was constantly changing during production, simply because from my first (and only) viewing… I could tell something was wrong. Namely, I could tell that Ben’s arc had been mutilated – and the more I think about it, the more glaring it gets. It’s not even that I’m mad that Adam Driver (aka Golden Globe/Academy Award nominee Adam Driver) gets relegated to playing Darth Exposition for 75% of the film (and godawful exposition at that), it’s literally that so much of what remains of his arc makes no sense, and it affects Palpatine and Rey by extension.

I explained why Rey’s character arc was butchered here, and I’ve also talked about how Palpatine’s implication in her arc didn’t work either, so I won’t talk about it too much here, nor do you need to have read it prior in order to understand this post. I will also point out that a lot of what will be my speculation – so for all I know, I could be wrong, but I’m trying to fill in the holes here.

So, for starters… somehow, Ben knows that Palpatine is still alive. Somehow, he knows how to get to him. AND SOMEHOW, THE WRITERS DECIDED NOT EXPLAINING SHIT WAS THE WAY TO GO. This is not even on the level of not explaining who the fuck Snoke is in the two previous films – while I do think there could have been a throwaway line in TLJ, it didn’t “hinder” the story.

HOWEVER, not explaining how Palpatine is still around and kicking (well, he’s on life support so kicking might be a little too flattering), why he decided to reveal himself right there, right then, and how the hell Ben knows he’s around, how he figured out how to get to Exogol using the holocrons… THAT IS A BIG PROBLEM. This is the triggering element of the rising action in your story. But before you do that, YOU. NEED. EXPOSITION. TO. SET. UP. THE. CONTEXT. OF. YOUR. STORY.

What TROS did would be like skipping Finn’s intro when he’s with his Stormtrooper squad on Jakku, removing the interrogation with Poe and Kylo entirely, and just start TFA with him escaping with Poe without any explanation given. Oh, and also cut out Rey’s introduction as well, and we first meet her when she kicks Finn’s ass in Niima Outpost. You’d just have a bunch of characters coming out of nowhere, and you’d have no frigging clue what they’re doing, and what they want. And that’s what TROS does with Ben and Palpatine.

Take the handling of Snoke, for instance. I’d be a lot more mad about the Snoke retconning if it wasn’t for… what I’m going to call the “Snoke Stew” (and I’d crack a joke about how it was probably made with the DNA of a guy called Stu, which is not funny but still funnier than most of the jokes in TROS). That’s pretty much the one thing that stops me from being mad, because of how STUPID it is.

But the explanation for Snoke’s origins just… retcons so much that has been established before, INCLUDING INFO FROM A COMIC THAT CAME OUT AFTER TROS. We knew Snoke had a past, even if we weren’t privy to it yet. We did kind of know that he was a rich guy, like all the shitty rich people we saw in Canto Bight, who happened to be a Dark Sider and was seemingly smart enough to kill his way to the top. Considering how exploitative the First Order is when it comes to resources and that a rich patron would be welcomed with open arms, it makes sense.

With the explanation given by TROS, it just provides a fuck ton of plotholes to the fact he took over the First Order while killing off old Imperial higher-ups to establish himself as Supreme Leader. Do you really think a guy in a golden bathrobe would just be able to take over out of fucking nowhere because he killed all the higher-ups? No. And even if some of the higher-ups knew that Snoke was a Palps plant (like Pryde seems to), I doubt Ben would have stayed Supreme Leader for as long as a year.

But that’s not even the biggest problem! Seriously, I don’t know if Palps is senile in this film, because we got an ENTIRE trilogy explaining how the guy is one of the worst evil masterminds to have ever lived, in the Galaxy Far Far Away and even in today’s culture. Here, you don’t even understand what the fuck he even wants! I’m “guessing” he fucked with Ben to get his revenge on Anakin, because he uses Ben as his lackey while being seemingly totally oblivious that Ben is working against him (what happened to “every voice in your head”???). He wants Ben to kill Rey… while knowing Rey is his granddaughter, and while telling her when she shows up that he wants to use her as a new host or some shit. Seriously, MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY.

This said… I honestly wonder if Ben was initially meant to be the new host, and not Rey. Because not only that was an actual theory I had pre-TROS, but it would make a shit ton more sense than having Rey be the host – not to mention it’d be the ultimate revenge against Anakin (and if you want to get REAL yucky, he may have planned to have Rey be his new consort, but I’ll spare you more speculation about that aspect). But nah, I guess.

The most damning thing in all this is that there’s no difference in Ben’s overall behavior and actions AFTER Snoke has been killed, when it’s clear Snoke was the biggest influence on him. Saying that Palpatine just kept messing with him makes no sense because with Snoke dead, any voice Ben would still hear would make him go “NOPE” and do exactly the opposite of what said voice tells him to do.

Like, for real, with Snoke dead, unless he’s REALLY stupid (I mean… Ben is reckless, but not stupid), why would Ben do anything a now Random Voice would tell him to do?

The thing is, there have been hints in previous material that Ben isn’t exactly 110% on board with what the First Order does. He’s clearly against blowing up planets, he snarks about how Stormtroopers should be clones instead – which could just be a throwaway snarky line, but considering Ben’s past… I can see him not being too fuzzy about the Stormtrooper program. Like, I’m not saying he’d start a Galactic Free Donut Day, but there would be a change. It wouldn’t be Business as Usual – especially that Ben wasn’t that young (23) when he joined Snoke, and it’s a little hard to go from “My uncle tried to kill me in my sleep and I’m going towards the one figure I think can protect me” to “Blowing up planets and enslaving people is the way to go”. It would have worked if Ben had been brainwashed from his teens, but not so much as an adult – hence you need a little more nuance with Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

Oh yeah, and the Knights of Ren? They’re just there to look cool. “But they kidnapped Chewie!” Yeah, what was the fucking point of them kidnapping Chewie apart from giving a reason for the Beautiful Friendship Gang to get on the Star Destroyer and give us fake suspense because we all know how it’s gonna end, just end my suffering already. Also, NO INTERRACTION WITH BEN? DID YA FORGET CHEWIE IS LIKE, HIS UNCLE? DID YALL FORGET BEN WAS PART OF YOUR FAMILY OR…

Seriously, that sequence on Pasaana where they’re just standing there on top of a fucking mountain? I called that part the Backdesert Boys. That tells ya how much I hated it.

Oh yeah, and they’re fighting fodder for Benny Boy in the end, because of course they were Palps’ lackeys all along, can’t think of anything else that’s more imaginative.

So what could they possibly add to Ben’s arc, that would explain so much, like how Ben finds Palpatine, or how he’s always one step ahead from the Beautiful Friendship Gang in their Wild Goose Chase no one fucking cares about?

This is where I got into speculation/conspiracy theory territory. Brace yourselves. 

*

So, the film has Lando reveal that he and Luke “knew” about Palps being around thanks to snooping around… except that makes no bloody sense. Lando was never involved in a Force plot of any kind, and he was never that close to Luke anyway. I mean, Lando’s a nice guy and all, but he’s not really besties with Luke – he’s Han’s friend.

So that research should have taken place either before Ben joined Luke at Jedi Camp, either after. Then again, before would make no sense, because why would Luke leave that critical of a search on the ice for 10 to 15 years? The only place where I can place it in time, where it would make logical sense… would be when Ben was around, and it’d make WAY more sense to have him be Luke’s sidekick in that search.

It would have totally explained why Luke freaked the fuck out reading Ben’s mind, because only Palpatine can give her that severe of a PTSD-like reaction. It would have totally explained why Ben would run to Snoke, grooming and desperation set aside, under the promise that they’d associate to defeat Palps, because if you ignore the plot hole extravaganza of TROS, you’d bet Snoke wouldn’t want Palps anywhere near his throne – mainly because Snoke is a wannabe Palpatine who targeted Ben to get his own Vader. It would have totally explained why Ben thought becoming Supreme Leader is a good idea – even if it’s morally wrong, it makes logical sense. It would have totally explained why Kylo was collecting Sith artefacts in the year gap while keeping in mind he made his distaste for the Sith clear in TLJ. It would have totally provided the audience (and Rey) a good reason to forgive Ben, because even if he had godawful methods, he wanted to do the right thing and save the galaxy from the person who came this close to destroying them, as well as his family. That would have provided for him the means to realize that he cannot defeat Palpatine using Palpatine’s means – as Rose said, he’ll win by saving what he loves, and not destroying what he hates. That would have made Rey the glitch in the matrix, who must join forces with Ben because without her, he would have been doomed despite his best efforts.

And before you tell me that would have been unnecessary… let me put it to you this way. Ben keeps saying it's too late, and if it was just that, it could be interpreted as him thinking he went too far to come back. But he also adds that he has "something to do", and I'm here waving my arms like "WHAT? WHY? FUCK, YOU DIDN'T EVEN KILL YOUR FELLOW STUDENTS!!! THEY'RE NOT EVEN BOTHERED TO SAY THAT IN THE ACTUAL FILM!!!"

Hence why my theory is the simplest way to just tie it all neatly together, without retconning anything. There.

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SUPER SIMPLE TO DO. Except that, as I mentioned earlier, they mutilated Ben’s arc, and left him to play the part of Darth Exposition, until the very end, when they have Ben save what he loves… but even then, I can’t even appreciate that either, because it happens in a way that makes EVERYONE look horrible, while Ben is, from a storytelling perspective, a saint… a saint everyone ultimately forgot about.

[in-tua-deep]

Ok so like I’m big dumb and have been stalking your blog for hours and just realized the tua should be pronounced like too ripppp anygays I absolutely fucking love and live for your writing and have a question for you (feel free to ignore it this is your blog!),,,,what do you think would’ve happened if Klaus had died instead of Ben.

asdfgDFSGH okay big mood but admittedly I pronounce as in too-ah deep myself lmao

HMMM that’s an interesting question because if Klaus died, he would just vanish. No one can see him, because he’s the only person that ever saw ghosts to begin with. If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around, does it still make a sound? If a boy becomes a ghost, but no one can see him, does he really exist?

You have Ben, who doesn’t numb himself with drugs but also probably withdraws from the rest of the family. Klaus used to coax smiles out of him, and Five used to throw books at his dead and demand Ben discuss metaphysics with him. Admittedly different relationships, but they were the ones that held him together. And then Five vanishes. And then Klaus dies. 

And Ben is well enough liked by the rest of the family, but he’s not really close with any of them. Luther and Allison are too obsessed with one another, Diego is too obsessed with beating Luther at anything, and Vanya is a ghost that only Five ever really reached. 

Ben leaves the day he hits eighteen. He doesn’t tell anyone, he just leaves. He quietly finds the shittiest apartment on earth, works two jobs, and puts himself through community college during the time he doesn’t have. He changes his name. He keeps the Ben, but ditches the Hargreeves.

He keeps his head down, he works hard, he never mentions the Umbrella Academy and he spends his nights with his hands pressed against his stomach wishing that his ‘superpower’ was anything but what it is. 

He’s a bright kid. He makes friends. He doesn’t have the money for med school, which he wanted since he desperately wants to heal instead of hurt, so he compromises and goes into nursing instead. He gets to help people just as much, and he doesn’t have to deal with the staggering amount of debt he would be in. (He’s still in debt from schooling, just not as much.)

Ben works long thankless hours. He holds the hands of an addict whose organs are failing. There’s nothing the doctors can do but ease the young woman’s suffering. He sees Klaus in the eyes of the desperate young people who come in, and he rolls up his sleeves and tries to help. 

Vanya write her tell-all book, and Ben reads it as carefully as he did the various tomes that Five tossed at him so he would know what Five was yelling about this time. He traces his fingers across Klaus and Five’s names as they appear, and he pretends he isn’t angry that Vanya just pulled back the curtain and exposed their gaping wounds for all the world to see. 

Five and Klaus are not props in Vanya’s coming of age story. They are background characters killed off for development. Ben understands that Vanya is angry, that she was abused, but he wishes she could see that this wasn’t the way to go about it

(Ben understands now, that Vanya was abused. He sees her, sometimes, in the people who float through the hospital with scars on their arms and legs and stomachs. The ones who stare right through the doctors and look away when their very concerned parents speak up. He sees her in the young man whose father yells for all the ED to hear that he is selfish, that he needs to be more like his older brothers who are successful. The father is escorted out, but the young man checks himself out against medical advice. Ben never sees him again.)

He isn’t as impacted by the book as perhaps the others are. No one knows what happened to the Horror. Ben isn’t questioned about it, because no one knows that they should question him about it. He watches the youtube videos of Allison getting accosted by paparazzi and wonders if Vanya knew what she was doing when she published that book.

Somehow, he doubts it. 

He adopts two cats. Their names are Séance and Boy. Ben calls them Seya and Brat. His friends ask him if he was a fan of the Umbrella Academy growing up, and Ben shakes his head with a wry smile. “My brothers,” He explains, “They were always more into it than I was.”

And then Reginald dies, and there’s going to be a funeral, and Ben doesn’t want to go. But he thinks about the siblings he never calls, thinks about the hospital room with the old man who is dying who told him with a bitter smile that he never mended any bridges, and picks up his phone. Ben applies for time off due to a death in the family, is granted it, gives his spare key to the girl across the hall who has vowed to take care of Seya and Brat as if they’re her own, and he goes. He goes to the manor for the first time since he left it, over a decade ago. 

He almost thinks it’s his power at first, that something went terribly wrong because he hasn’t let out the Horror for a good long while and the flash of electric blue was unmistakable. But it’s not him, and the portal in the courtyard spits out a child and Ben’s hand shoots to his mouth and it’s shaking because that’s Five. That’s Five the day he left, all scrawny limbs and drama, in a too big suit.

He ushers Five inside, and gets down some bread to hand to his brother who already has the peanut butter and marshmallows well in hand. (Ben wonders, for a moment, why those ingredients are in the house to begin with. He’s positive Reginald doesn’t like marshmallows, after all. But he has more important things to worry about right now, so he lets that thought go.)

He listens as Five tells them they have eight days, and he believes. Four-Five-Six have always had more nebulous powers that the first three children combined. Strength, mind control, and knife throwing are surprisingly straight forward. Ghosts, dimension ripping tentacle monsters, and fucking with the fabric of space and time are… not so much.

Ben looks at his siblings, who have changed so much and yet so little, and decides that priorities are in order. Because as much as he cares for his siblings, and he does, they’re all grown ass adults. Despite what he says, Five looks very young and Ben has seen too many children with the same haunted eyes and sharp words. 

Somewhere in the middle of all of this there’s an open window, and Pogo saying something about a missing box or a book or something, but admittedly Ben isn’t paying all that much attention. Not when he has bigger things to worry about

And Five has a choice between Vanya, who he loves but doesn’t want to drag into his general bullshit because she doesn’t have powers, and Ben who is a nurse and who seems most inclined to believe him. So after the Griddy’s incident, he goes back to the manor and Ben stitches him up with steady, experienced hands and asks Five what he can do to help

Five looks almost surprised. “You believe me?” He asks, suspicious lacing his voice. It makes something inside of Ben ache, but he blames it on the Horror. 

“I’ll tell you what.” Ben says, looking Five in the eyes. “I’ll make you a deal - I’ll help you with anything apocalypse stopping, no questions asked.”

“But?” Five asks, but he sounds less suspicious and more comfortable with terms on the table. Their family isn’t used to unconditional support, after all. 

“Come stay with me after we save the world.” Ben requests, and holds up a hand before Five can protest. “Yes, I know you aren’t a child. I know you can take care of yourself. But quite frankly, I’ve been missing my brother for almost seventeen years now, and I don’t have anyone to debate the finer points of mathematics with at three in the morning, do I?”

I don’t want to let you go now that I have you back. Ben doesn’t say, because he’s already pushing Five’s ability to deal with sentiment as it is. 

Five’s eyes look suspiciously wet as he looks away, but he spits out a quick “Fine.” and they shake on it. 

And so Ben ends up accompanying his brother to MeriTech to check out a serial number on the back of an eyeball. He places a calming hand on his brother’s shoulder, and calls in a favor with a doctor who he prevented from killing a patient who talks to a friend of a friend and they find out that the eyeball they have hasn’t been manufactured yet.

And hey, if Ben didn’t believe the whole time travel thing before he certainly does now, looking at an impossible eyeball in the hands of an impossible boy. 

And Ben is a trustworthy ally, level-headed with enough deadpan humor to make even Five snort in laughter. Ben cherishes even aborted giggle close to his heart. 

Five comes to him with a shy look and introduces him to a mannequin named Dolores. Ben thinks about the little girl with the spiral fracture telling him solemnly that she wasn’t scared but Mr. Hippo was, and he thinks about all the years that Five spent alone, and he gently takes Dolores’s hand in his and thanks her very much for looking after his brother all those years.

Five blinks in surprise, but it’s a good kind of surprise, and he’s notably warmer towards Ben after the interaction. 

It reminds him, just a little bit, of Klaus before Reginald ruined him. The way he’d occasionally just talk to thin air or react to something that no one else could hear. It makes Ben oddly nostalgic, and probably means that he’s much more tolerant of Five’s interactions with Dolores than he should be.

Ben is with Five when Hazel and Cha-Cha storm the mansion. Luther and Allison and Diego hold their own with knives and kicks and the destruction of one chandelier. No one is taken, no one is kidnapped, because there wasn’t anyone just getting out of the bath with headphones in to catch unexpected. 

Eudora Patch listens to Diego tell her that his mother is dead, and that his brothers are running off together to who knows where, and she doesn’t find a message on a van’s window and go to rescue a hostage. Detective Eudora Patch lives to fight another day. 

Five scribbles probability maps on his walls and tells his audience of Luther and Ben that he plans to kill to save the world. Luther gets up in arms about it, but Ben just stares Five down and quietly tells him - “You promised.”

Because Five can’t stay with him if he’s in jail. 

And Five looks away and says there is one way to get more information, and Ben can already tell he’s not going to like this. 

They don’t have a suitcase to bargain with this time, so Five offers himself. He tells Hazel and Cha-Cha to meet him, because he’s decided to give himself up in return for them leaving his family alone. They get there, and they’re having a stand off, and Five demands that the assassin duo call the Handler.

Between one breath and the next, Five vanishes. Not like he’s supposed to vanish, in a flash of blue light. Just gone between one blink and the next.

Ben may or may not be responsible for the ensuing destruction of Hazel and Cha-Cha’s car and subsequently their briefcase which was located within said car. In his defense, it had been a while since he last drove out to the middle of nowhere and let the Horror go ham. And if, in this timeline, it’s Hazel who gets taken hostage because Ben is furious and he’s not losing his brother again, and Cha-Cha figures she’ll bust her partner out later but for not retreating is a wise move well

“Call your boss back.” Ben says, voice tight as he stares holes through a Hazel that Luther has helpfully tied up with some rope from the trunk of the car. “This is now a hostage exchange, you for my brother.”

“I’m just a grunt.” Hazel informs Ben, helplessly, “They’re not going to trade me for a legend like Five.”

Ben gestures for Luther to drive as he shoves Hazel into the backseat. As someone who has seen a man burst into an eldritch horror and destroy his only chance at going home, Hazel wisely complies. Ben smiles with all his teeth as he informs Hazel cheerfully that he’s going to tell Ben everything he knows about the Commission, the apocalypse, and his legend of a baby brother.

Later, in a family meeting with Hazel sitting tied up on the couch as they all loudly debate what they’re supposed to be doing now, Five shows up in a bright flash curled around a suitcase and scaring everyone

In another world Five brushes everyone off and proceeds to collapse. 

In this one, Ben pats his brother down while ripping him a new one about telling him to full extent of plans for gods sakes and when his fingers come back wet with blood Ben frog marches his brother to the infirmary for Mom to stitch up with his assistance. 

“We are a team.” Ben informs his idiot brother, “Yes I know we have to do everything to stop the world from ending, but it’s no use if you die along the way! I care about you, you idiot! So you’re going to sit here and heal while I go with Diego and Allison and deal with this Harold Jenkins motherfucker, okay?”

And Five grudgingly agrees when Ben pops a phone in his hand and teaches him how to facetime so that technically Five is with them the entire time and kept in the loop. Allison’s sacrifice of her phone for this purpose is duly noted and ignored, and Ben spares a split second to make a mental note to get Five his own phone at some point.

And when Luther finds out about everything, Ben quietly asks Five to pass the phone over and basically informs Luther that yes, Dad was a grade A prick but Luther is Number One. Dad might not care, but the dozens of people that Luther helped save during their stint as the Umbrella Academy? They sure as hell cared. And right now, Luther has a mission. Babysit both assassins sitting under their rooftop, because as proven by the break in Hazel is dangerous and where Hazel is surely Cha-Cha isn’t too far away.

That, at least, keeps Luther from going off and drowning his sorrows. 

Since Diego isn’t wanted for murder in this timeline and Patch is alive, there’s no splitting up involved. Ben and Allison and Diego trick a cop, investigate a hospital, and find their way to Vanya’s cabin where secrets come to light.

Allison reveals that she rumored her sister into believing herself ordinary, and Ben can’t help it when he just loudly mutters “I hate this fucking family.” which breaks the tension and makes everyone stare at him.

Since he is not going to admit that he’s stress quoting a vine (god damn Dr. Hernandez got him hooked on them) he ends up just blurting out “I can’t believe Dad made Allison do that!” because really it’s important to establish that yes, Allison did the thing but also Allison was four it’s not like she knew what she was doing, “I’m glad he’s fucking dead, jesus. What kind of a prick does that to a couple of toddlers? Fuck him like, for real.”

and in the aftermath they’re all just sort of standing there staring at one another?? And then Diego is like “Uh. so. i have a police file on your boyfriend? And turns out his name is also the name of the dude Five says caused the apocalypse? Say hello Five” and Five just waves from his little screen

and Ben puts his hands on his hips and is just kind of like “Five if you repeat any of that language I will gut you like a fish. You’re too young for that.” and Five starts sputtering about being older than all of them and cursing and Vanya is giggling and Diego is grinning and mission accomplished! And then he turns to Vanya and is kind of like “Hey Vanya also if you need me to kick Leold Jenbody whomstever the fuck his name is’s ass, I do kind of have a big old tentacle monster at the ready. But of course, you get first dibs. Also like, have you seen his creepy attic shrine to the academy with all our eyes x’d out and our throats slashed? Because it’s like, honestly up there on the level of creepiness. Not quite as bad as that very explicit letter Allie got when we were fifteen, but not too far off either, you know?”

and look i’m not an expert but Ben just. De-escalates everything. He’s a tiny bit like a capybara who will also kick your ass if you really need him to. 

And they confront Leonard-Harold and he tries to convince Vanya that her siblings are evil and he’s the ultimate good of whatever but it’s really hard when there’s Ben there muttering “God we all need so much therapy” to the side and “why is this family such a hazard to society. why do we always attract the weirdos.” and “this is what we get for the lack of a strong father figure in our lives I just know it” and other weird shit like that

anyway Vanya realizes that Leonard has only ever been using her for her powers and was manipulating her from the start, especially when he pulls out his knowledge of her powers as his little trump card as if they didn’t all just have a weird heart to heart about Allison sort of erasing Vanya’s knowledge of them as toddlers

“So do we just? Lock Leonard up until April 1st passes?” Ben asks Five and he feels a little like he’s cupping a magic 8 ball instead of a phone but whatever. But it’s Diego who just is kind of like “Oh hey I got this, this fucker has skipped out on so much probation and done a runner and shit and I can totally just call Patch to come out here and lock him up. Can’t cause the apocalypse from jail now, can you?”

And okay when Patch arrives to them all cornering Leonard in this cabin and also she sent some people to his house and there is a Whole Ass Dead Body up in there alongside this creepy serial killer shrine and oh yes Harold Jenkins is going away.

After that it almost seems a little anticlimactic to just climb in the car and go home? But I mean. That’s what they do. They argue half heartedly about music choice in the car and arrive home to find out that Five has untied Hazel and they’re both chilling at the bar drinking and honestly no one is sure where the little umbrellas materialized from because surely Reginald wouldn’t allow such a thing in his house, right? Luther is just kind of shrugging in the background (maybe a little tipsy) because you can’t expect him to know what’s going on in Five’s head

on the bright side Hazel seems pretty chill and has decided he is not going to try and kill any of them anymore because what he really desires is to run away with the nice donut shop lady. No, no one knows how to respond to this except perhaps Five who is cheerfully wishing Hazel luck. 

and considering that Luther has the whole general time they dealt with Leonard and the car ride back to come to terms with Vanya’s powers and the fact that Dad sucks and there’s also the matter that in this au Vanya did not slit the throat of his most favorite siblings so i mean. He’s okay with this. He is so beyond caring about the shit this family gets up to anymore. He’s going to need so much therapy when this is all over. 

Ben just sort of looks at this motley crew and everyone just looks fucking exhausted and he’s just kind of like. “Okay! Well. I for one did not get that much time off work for all of this but seems like y’all could use a vacation. My apartment is sort of shitty but i have a fuckload of extra blankets because sometimes I stress quilt, and no, no one is allowed to judge me for that fact, and my sofa is pretty great so I mean. You guys can come meet my cats?”

and that’s how everyone piles up into the car and goes to Ben’s place and meet his cats while buying a metric fuck ton of ice cream (Allison insists because even if Leonard ended up a creep, Vanya liked him at first and so it’s break up time) and no one can agree on a movie to watch and Diego is complaining because Ben put Dolores in the best spot while Five argues it’s because she deserves it

and look. Ben has been quiet and kept his head down and lived his life for a very long time. But looking at his siblings, at Luther ducking his head because he burned the popcorn and Allison gesturing dramatically with a bottle of nail polish as she does Vanya’s fingers and Diego teasing a scowling Five who both cats are fighting over his lapspace

and Ben can’t help but think that if Klaus were here (and his brother’s power was seeing the dead, it wasn’t outside the realm of possibility) he would be proud of how far they’d come.

Ben certainly was.

[aion-rsa]

Best Horror Movies on Amazon Prime Right Now

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Editor’s Note: This post is updated regularly. Bookmark this page and come back to stay up to date with the best horror movies on Amazon Prime. Den of Geek participates in Amazon’s affiliate program and may receive a commission from links on this page.

Updated for October 2020

Amazon Prime’s selection of horror movies is as extensive as it is terrifying. What’s more, they have a significant selection of both new and old/classic films for your scary pleasures. So we’ve compiled our picks of the best scary movies to watch on Halloween (or any other time) on Amazon Prime Video right now.

Now, pour yourself a glass of something good and dig your fangs in to our list of the best horror movies you can watch on Amazon Prime Video.

Afflicted

One of the better recent found-footage efforts takes a ghastly turn when one of the filmmakers wakes up foaming at the mouth with his eyeballs rolling back in their sockets. He can also suddenly run faster than a car speeding in a school zone. Diagnosis: vampirism.

There is no cure for the undead except feeding on human blood (especially child molesters). That epic travel blog they were planning is going to be supernaturally epic.

Watch Afflicted on Amazon (US Only)

Bone Tomahawk

Writer and musician Craig Zahler made his feature directorial debut with this grim, ultra-violent and unique hybrid of the Western and horror genres — two great tastes, etc.

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Best Horror Movies on Netflix: Scariest Films to Stream

By David Crow and 2 others

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The 20 Best Horror Movies on Netflix UK – Scary Films to Watch Right Now

By Rosie Fletcher

Kurt Russell is outstanding as Sheriff Franklin Hunt, who must lead a posse into the wilderness to rescue three people from a brutal tribe of Indians who may not even be human as we know it. The grisly confrontation that ensues is not for the squeamish. Zahler gets the period details and the horror right, while the rest of his excellent cast includes Richard Jenkins, Patrick Wilson, Matthew Fox and others.

Watch Bone Tomahawk on Amazon

Buried

Before he found failure as Green Lantern and then career rebirth as Deadpool, Ryan Reynolds made this tight, claustrophobic thriller in which he wakes up to find himself sealed in a coffin.

Turns out that Reynolds’ character is a contractor working in Iraq, abducted and buried by an insurgent kidnapper who has left him a cellphone. While the abductor calls to demand a ransom, Reynolds attempts to contact the outside world — with director Rodrigo Cortes never leaving the confined space of the coffin. What’s amazing is how well he and Reynolds pull this exercise in storytelling economy off.

Watch Buried on Amazon

The Cabin in the Woods

A remote cabin in the woods is one of the most frequently occurring settings in all of horror. What better location for teenagers to be tormented by monsters, demons, or murderous hillbillies? Writer/Director Joss Whedon takes that tried and true setting and uses it as a jumping off points for one of the most successful metatextual horror movies in recent memory.

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Best Horror Movies to Watch on Shudder Right Now

By Rosie Fletcher and 1 other

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31 Best Horror Movies to Stream

By Alec Bojalad and 1 other

Like you would expect, The Cabin in the Woods features five college friends (all representing certain youthful archetypes, of course) renting a….well, a cabin in the woods. Soon things begin to go awry in a very traditional horror movie way. But then The Cabin in the Woods begins doling out some of the many tricks it has up its sleeve. This is a fascinating, very funny, and yet still creepy breakdown of horror tropes that any horror fan can enjoy.

Watch The Cabin in the Woods on Amazon

City of the Living Dead

Italian horror director Lucio Fulci kicked off his famous “Gates of Hell” trilogy with this gruesome, crude but surreal 1980 gorefest, in which a reporter (Christopher George) and a psychic (Catriona MacColl) struggle to stop those gates from opening and letting a horde of hungry undead into the world.

Fulci loosely based the movie on the works of H.P. Lovecraft, vying for the latter’s brooding atmosphere while indulging in his own trademark splatter. The results are somewhat slapdash but a must-see for Italian horror fans. Followed by the much better The Beyond (1980) and House by the Cemetery (1981).

Watch City of the Living Dead on Amazon

Climax

An uncategorizable but still horrific entry from the endlessly provocative French director Gaspar Noe (Irreversible), Climax starts off with — of all things — a lively, lengthy dance number in which an isolated dance troupe nails the erotic, exotic, physically demanding routine they’ve practiced for months.

But then someone slips an extremely potent drug into the punch during the party afterwards, and the tight-knit troupe turns into a raging mob of psychotics who tear, beat, and fuck each other to death. Another not-for-the-faint-of-heart film, Climax is perverse, macabre, and visceral — yet somehow alive even in the midst of all its morbidity.

Watch Climax on Amazon

Crawl

Kaya Scodelario (The Maze Runner) has to battle both hungry alligators and relentlessly rising floodwaters in this punchy better-than-you-expected thriller from director Alexandre Aja (Piranha 3D). Scodelario plays Haley, a college student who goes to check on her reclusive dad during the onset of a Category 5 hurricane and finds him injured in his basement just as nature runs all kinds of amok.

Our own Patrick Sproull said in his review that the movie delivers an “exhilarating shock to the system” and simply wants to “entertain the bejesus out of you,” which is all we want in these waning days of the Republic. Killer alligators and a deadly cyclone? It’s like two scary movies for the price of one.

Watch Crawl on Amazon

The Crazies

The Crazies is a zombie movie without the undead. And that kind of makes sense given that it was written and directed by the zombie maestro, himself: George A. Romero.

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Best Horror Movies on Hulu

By Alec Bojalad and 1 other

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Best Modern Horror Movies

By Don Kaye

1973’s The Crazies (there’s also a 2010 remake) tells the story of an experimental bioweapon called “Trixie.” There are only two possible results from exposure to Trixie: death or irreversible raving insanity. That’s rough. But what’s even worse is that Trixie is accidentally unleashed in Evans City, Pennsylvania, turning the small town into war zone where any neighbor could become violently insane at any moment.

Like his zombie works, Romero uses this creative horror/sci-fi concept to great satirical and symbolic effect.

Watch The Crazies on Amazon (US Only)

The Dead Zone

The Dead Zone strangely remains both one of Stephen King’s more underrated movie adaptations as well as one of director David Cronenberg’s more unsung efforts. Yet it ends up being among the best from both author and auteur, while also providing star Christopher Walken with one of his most moving, complex performances to date.

Walken’s Johnny Smith awakens from a coma to find out he’s lost five years of his life but gained a frightening talent to touch people and see both their deepest secrets and their future. Whether to use that power to impact the world around him is the choice he must face in this bittersweet, eerie and heartfelt film, which found Cronenberg moving away from his trademark body horror for the first time.

Watch The Dead Zone on Amazon

The Devil Bat

Ah, The Devil Bat. One of those infamous vampire movies that isn’t actually about vampires. But who the hell cares when it has Bela Lugosi in it, right?

But this poverty row production from 1940 features plenty of atmospherics, as well as a giant honkin’ bat, and that’s enough to set the mood on a chilly night. Especially if you’re indulging in adult beverages or contraband. If nothing else, just bow down to Bela.

Watch The Devil Bat on Amazon

Die, Monster, Die!

This was just the second feature film ever adapted from a story by H.P. Lovecraft, with movie producers eager to find other horror writers’ work to plunder after Roger Corman hit it big with his Edgar Allan Poe movies in the early 1960s.

This one is based on Lovecraft’s “The Colour Out of Space,” which you may recognize as the title of a recent nutty Nicolas Cage movie also based on the same tale. Boris Karloff stars in this one, about a scientist who discovers that a crashed meteor begins to mutate all the plant and animal life around his home, including him and his wife. It’s kind of a slow burner but it does have its weird-ass imagery.

Watch Die, Monster, Die! on Amazon (US only)

The Exorcist III

Out of the many attempts to sequelize William Friedkin’s classic 1972 movie The Exorcist, this is the only one worthy of the original. William Peter Blatty, author of the original book, wrote a sequel novel called Legion and adapted and directed it himself for this chilling movie starring George C. Scott.

Scott plays Detective Kinderman (the role filled by Lee J. Cobb in The Exorcist), who investigates a series of murders that have connections to both the first movie’s exorcism and a spate of killings done years earlier by the now-dead Gemini Killer. Even with extensive studio-forced reshoots, Blatty has fashioned an eerie theological thriller, with one sequence that is a stone-cold classic of tension and shock.

Watch The Exorcist III on Amazon (US only)

A Field in England

2013’s A Field in England presents compelling evidence that more horror movies should be shot in black and white.

Directed by British director Ben Wheatley, A Field in England is a kaleidoscope of trippy, cerebral horror. The film takes place in 1648, during the English Civil War. A group of soldiers is taken in by a kindly man, who is soon revealed to be an alchemist. The alchemist takes the soldiers to a vast field of mushrooms where they are subjected to a series of mind-altering, nightmarish visions.

A Field in England is aggressively weird, creative, and best of all clocks in at exactly 90 minutes.

Watch A Field in England on Amazon (US only)

Frankenstein: The True Story

Well, not exactly. Originally presented as a two-part mini-series on NBC back in 1974, Frankenstein: The True Story takes plenty of liberties with Mary Shelley’s milestone novel. But it keeps the essence and atmosphere of the story intact, while taking it down some interesting new narrative paths.

The cast is sensational, led by Leonard Whiting as Dr. Frankenstein, Michael Sarrazin as the creature — who starts out beautiful and ends up degenerating into a monster — and especially James Mason as the Dr. Pretorius-like Polidori, named after one of Mary Shelley’s colleagues who was there when she began writing the novel. Frankenstein: The True Story is both macabre and lush, and deserves rediscovery.

Watch Frankenstein: The True Story on Amazon

Fright Night

Screenwriter-turned-director Tom Holland lets a jaded, smarmy vampire named Jerry Dandridge loose in suburbia and watches the blood spurt in this beloved ‘80s horror staple.

Chris Sarandon brings a nice combination of amusement and menace to the role of the bloodsucker, while Planet of the Apes veteran Roddy McDowall is endearing as a washed-up horror host recruited into a real-life horror show. Much of Fright Night is teen-oriented and somewhat dated, but it still works as a sort of precursor to later post-modern horror gems like Scream.

Watch Fright Night on Amazon

Hereditary

Between Hereditary and The Haunting of Hill House 2018 was a great year for turning familial trauma into horror.

Read more

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Hereditary: The Real Story of King Paimon

By Tony Sokol

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Hereditary Ending Explained

By David Crow

Written and directed by Ari Aster, Hereditary follows the Graham family as they deal with the death of their secretive grandmother. As Annie Graham (Toni Collette) comes to terms with the loss, she begins to realize that she may have inherited a mental illness from her late mother…or something worse.

Hereditary is terrifying because it asks a deceptively simple but truly creepy question: what do we really inherit from our family?

Watch Hereditary on Amazon (US only)

The Hole in the Ground

Recent horror trends have stumbled across a universal truth: kids are very creepy. A24’s Irish horror film The Hole in the Ground makes great use of that truth.

The Hole in the Ground follows a woman named Sarah O’Neill who opts to leave her (likely abusive) husband and move out to the lonely Irish countryside with her son, Chris. Things are going well until Chris starts to exhibit some strange behaviors. Not only that, but an old woman in the village tells Sarah that her son “is not your son.” When that woman is found dead with her head in the dirt, Sarah is forced to confront that maybe little Chris isn’t her Chris after all.

Watch The Hole in the Ground on Amazon (US only)

The House of the Devil

Indie horror auteur Ti West’s low-budget creepfest is a homage to 1980s horror yet plays it straight; he sets out to make a movie with the feel of genre films from that era without making self-aware in-jokes and references — and he mostly succeeds.

But The House of the Devil is also the definition of a “slow burn”: very little happens for much of the first hour (save a jolt here and there) and then the third act explodes into a paroxysm of murder, gore and Satanic horror. That makes the film feel a little off-balance, although in the end it all becomes quite unnerving.

Watch The House of the Devil on Amazon

House on Haunted Hill

What would you do for $10,000? How about surviving a night in a mansion haunted by murder victims and owned by a psychotic millionaire? Seems like a party trick until people actually start dying.

Vincent Price is the master and mastermind of a house that suddenly makes everyone homicidal—but the real pièce de résistance is what dances out of a vat of flesh-eating acid.

Some vintage horror never dies, and this 1959 classic is immortal.

Watch House on Haunted Hill on Amazon

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

One of a holy trifecta of remakes that actually improved on their predecessors (the other two are John Carpenter’s The Thing and David Cronenberg’s The Fly), 1978’s Invasion of the Body Snatchers hits that horror/sci-fi sweet spot with a cosmic premise, terrifying imagery and a nerve-rattling naturalism.

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Movies

The Legacy of Invasion of The Body Snatchers

By Jim Knipfel

Movies

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers: How Philip Kaufman’s Remake Improved on the Original

By Ryan Lambie

Director Philip Kaufman shifts the story from small-town California to San Francisco, while updating the metaphor from a warning against Communism to a cautionary tale of urban alienation. But in the end, watching those duplicates of Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams and Jeff Goldblum ooze out of their alien pods is as terrifying as ever, making this a genuine classic of its time.

Watch Invasion of the Body Snatchers on Amazon (US only)

The Last House on the Left

Released in 1972, the directorial debut of the mighty (and sadly late) Wes Craven remains one of the most important horror films ever made. It helped kick off an era of horror cinema that tapped directly into the unrest of the late 1960s and 1970s, the widening gap between the haves and the have-nots, the alienation between parents and children and the escalation of violence throughout the nation.

It also showed, in nauseatingly graphic fashion, what happens when you strip away the veneer of civilization from both the characters you are expected to despise and those you are supposed to like. The result is still a crude, disturbing and grueling experience that is genuinely not for everyone.

Watch The Last House on the Left on Amazon (US only)

The Lighthouse

The second feature from The Witch writer/director Robert Eggers is just as accomplished as his debut, if almost entirely different in tone and imagery.

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Movies

The Lighthouse: the myths and archetypes behind the movie explained

By Rosie Fletcher

Movies

The Lighthouse Ending Explained

By David Crow

Whereas The Witch was an exercise in Puritan supernatural terror, The Lighthouse is more of a descent into watery psychological madness, seasoned with a heavy dollop of Lovecraftian horror. Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe are brilliant as the mentally crumbling guardians of the title structure, with the latter in particular giving a crazed performance for the ages.

Watch The Lighthouse on Amazon (US only)

The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue

This 1974 film is almost as famous for its many alternate titles (including Breakfast at the Manchester Morgue and Let Sleeping Corpses Lie) as it is for being one of the first worthy zombie films to come out in the wake of Night of the Living Dead six years earlier.

With its counter-culture protagonists and environmental message (the dead are brought back to life by a form of radiation used as a pesticide), Manchester Morgue tries to be as socially conscious as the Romero classic it emulates. But it’s all about the zombie mayhem as well — and in full color, no less. This cult classic deserves a place of honor in the pantheon of the walking dead.

Watch The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue on Amazon (US only)

Midsommar

It’s hard to categorize Midsommar, Ari Aster’s followup to his absolutely terrifying horror debut, Hereditary. Part straight up horror, part The Wicker Man, and part anthropological study, Midsommar seems to occupy many genres all at once. Aster himself called it a “break up” movie. But whatever genre Midsommar is, it is a brilliant, and at times deeply disturbing film.

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Movies

Midsommar: Florence Pugh Considers Ending Theories, May Queen Fandom

By David Crow

Movies

Midsommar: Getting Immersed in the Movie’s Terrifying World

By Don Kaye

Florence Pugh stars Dani, a young woman trying to heal in the wake of an enormous tragedy. Dani follows her boyfriend, Christian, and his annoying friends to an important midsummer festival deep in the heart of Sweden. Christian and company are there partly to get high and have fun and also partly to study the unique, isolated culture for their respective theses. To say that they get more than they bargained for is an understatement. But Dani may just end up getting exactly what she needs.

Watch Midsommar on Amazon

Neverlake

Horrors always lurk at the bottom of murky lakes, but the dead-eyed doll heads and evil statues staring from beneath the greenish surface of this one will have you begging Swamp Thing for mercy. That’s before some brutally disfigured orphans shamble out of the woods.

When Jenny visits her archaeologist father in Italy, long-drowned secrets start bubbling to the surface. To think, all this was supposed to be a vacation. Riccardo Paoletti’s directorial debut is worth checking out.

Watch Neverlake on Amazon

Night of the Living Dead

George A. Romero’s 1968 zombie classic The Night of the Living Dead messed up the minds of late ’60s moviegoers as much as it messed with every horror movie that followed. Shot on gritty black and white stock, the film captures the desperate urgency of a documentary shot at the end of the world. It is a tale of survival, an allegory for the Vietnam War and racism and suspenseful as hell freezing over.

Night of the Living Dead set a new standard for gore, even though you could tell some of the bones the zombies were munching came from a local butcher shop. But what grabs at you are the unexpected shocks. Long before The Walking Dead, Romero caught the terror that could erupt from any character, at any time.

They’re coming to get you. There’s one of them now!

Watch Night of The Living Dead on Amazon

Nosferatu

Nothing beats a classic, and that’s exactly what Nosferatu is. As the unofficial 1922 adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, this German Expressionist masterpiece was almost lost to the ages when the filmmakers lost a copyright lawsuit with Stoker’s widow (who had a point). As a result, most copies were destroyed…but a precious few survived.

This definitive horror movie from F.W. Murnau might be a silent picture, but it is a haunting one where vampirism is used as a metaphor for plague and the Black Death sweeping across Europe. When Count Orlock comes to Berlin, he brings rivers of rats with him and the most repellent visage ever presented by a cinematic bloodsucker. The sexy vampires would come later, starting with 1931’s more polished vision of Count Dracula as legendarily played by Bela Lugosi, but Max Schreck is buried under globs of makeup in Nosferatu making him resemble an emaciated cadaver. Murnau plays with shadow and light to create an intoxicating environment of fever dream repressions. But he also creates the most haunting cinematic image of a vampire yet put on screen.

Check it out.

Watch Nosferatu on Amazon (US only)

Open Grave

Post-apocalyptic zombie fans won’t want to miss the love child of The Walking Dead meets 28 Days Later, now with amnesia. When a man who’s forgotten every fragment of his identity (Sharlto Copley) wakes up in a body pit crawling with pathogens, he scrambles out to fight a swarm of brain-craving undead along with five other amnesiacs.

Read more

TV

The Best Horror TV Shows to Watch Right Now

By Ron Hogan

TV

Best Horror TV Shows on Netflix

By Alec Bojalad

It gets even more terrifying when the pieces of memory hiding in his flashbacks are unearthed.

Watch Open Grave on Amazon

Overlord

War is terrifying enough as is. It doesn’t need the addition of Nazi super soldier zombies. Thankfully the J.J. Abrams-produced Overlord decided to include them anyway.

Overlord picks up on the eve of D-Day when a paratrooper quad is sent in behind enemy lines to destroy a German radio tower located in an old church. Their plane is shot down and only a handful survivors land. Those who do will soon discover that the horror has just begun.

Watch Overlord on Amazon (US only)

Vestron

Paperhouse

Hard to see in the U.S. since its 1989 release (it’s still not out here on DVD or Blu-ray for reasons unclear), Paperhouse was directed by Bernard Rose, who went on to make the equally acclaimed Candyman three years later.

But Paperhouse may be his masterwork. A young girl named Anna (Charlotte Burke) finds the line between reality and her dreams blurring, with her alcoholic father transforming into a frightening monster in the dream world. A slightly confusing ending doesn’t lessen the impact of this highly effective dark fantasy fable.

Watch Paperhouse on Amazon

Pet Sematary (2019)

After the classic Stephen King novel of the same name and Mary Lambert’s 1989 movie, what could there possibly be left to say about Pet Sematary? Quite a lot actually! Directors Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer breathe new life into this old tale…not unlike a certain “sematary” itself.

Read more

Movies

Pet Sematary Ending Explained

By John Saavedra

Movies

Why Pet Sematary 2 Is an Underrated Stephen King Movie

By Stephen Harber

Jason Clarke stars as Louis Creed, an ER doctor from Boston who moves his family to rural Ludlow, Maine to live a quieter life. Shortly into their stay, Louis and his wife Rachel (Amy Semeitz) experience an unthinkable tragedy. That’s ok though as neighbor Jud Crandall (John Lithgow) knows a very peculiar place that can help.

Watch Pet Sematary on Amazon (US only)

Phantasm

Director and writer Don Coscarelli has said that this 1979 cult classic was inspired by a recurring dream — and we believe him, since Phantasm has the surreal, not-quite-there feel of an inescapable nightmare from start to finish.

With its bizarre plot about a funeral parlor acting as a front to send undead slave labor to another dimension, the iconic image of the Tall Man, killer dwarves and those deadly silver spheres, Phantasm was and is like no other movie of its era.

Watch Phantasm on Amazon (US only)

The Pit and the Pendulum

Following the success of his first Edgar Allan Poe movie starring Vincent Price, 1960’s The Fall of the House of Usher, director Roger Corman returned to Poe for a second serving, once again starring Price and also featuring horror queen Barbara Steele, with a script by Richard Matheson.

The movie gets off to a slow start and very little of the plot is derived from Poe’s moody short story, but the picture drips with Gothic atmosphere and saturated colors. Vincent Price gives another mesmerizingly over the top performance, and the final 20 minutes — where we finally see the title torture device swing into action — is worth the price of admission alone.

Watch The Pit and the Pendulum on Amazon (US only)

Pumpkinhead

Another cult favorite from the late ‘80s, Pumpkinhead stars Lance Henriksen as a country store owner whose young son is killed by a bunch of teens on motorbikes. The grief-stricken dad consults with a local witch to get his revenge — and she assists him by summoning the monstrous title demon.

Read more

TV

Best Horror TV Shows on Netflix

By Alec Bojalad

TV

Best Horror TV Shows on Amazon Prime

By Alec Bojalad and 1 other

The directorial debut of makeup FX wizard Stan Winston, Pumpkinhead boasts one of the most memorable screen monsters of its time and a haunted performance by the great Henriksen (also notable is Florence Schauffler as the terrifying witch). But Winston’s direction itself is routine, causing Pumpkinhead to just miss being a true classic. It’s still a terrific Halloween watch.

Watch Pumpkinhead on Amazon (US only)

A Quiet Place

Thanks to a killer premise and excellent execution, A Quiet Place was one of 2018’s best horror movies and now it’s ready for a second life on streaming.

The film, directed by erstwhile Office star John Krasinski (who also stars in the project) follows the Abbott family as they try to survive a dangerous post-apocalyptic world. To make things even more difficult, however, the world is populated by blind creatures that also possess a devastatingly strong sense of hearing.

Read more

Movies

A Quiet Place: Who Are the Monsters?

By David Crow

Movies

A Quiet Place, and Using Low Budgets to Electrifying Effect

By Ryan Lambie

Father Lee and mother Evelyn (Emily Blunt) try to protect their children from these monsters – all the while not making a sound. The formula of A Quiet Place is destined to be oft-repeated for a reason. Horror really works when you’re unable to scream.

Watch A Quiet Place on Amazon (US Only)

Season of the Witch

Bored Stepford-esque housewife Joan (Jan White) is stuck in a suburban bubble with an abusive husband when she meets a mysterious new neighbor (Virginia Greenwald) who practices witchcraft. Pretty soon, Joan is casting spells to have affairs with college boys half her age, suffering from Satanic nightmares that wake her up to grim reality, and initiated into her neighbor’s backyard coven.

Read more

Movies

How Jason Blum Changed Horror Movies

By Rosie Fletcher

Movies

The 17 Best Christmas Horror Movies

By Elizabeth Rayne and 3 others

Proof that you never know what really goes on behind white picket fences. Another fine bit of weirdness from George A. Romero.

Watch Season of the Witch on Amazon (US only)

Suspiria

Suspiria is not necessarily a remake of the 1977 Italian film of the same name so much as its inspired by it. And that makes sense, as the simultaneously vibrant and creepy tone of the original film is nigh impossible to replicate it. So this Suspiria goes in a bit of a different direction tonally.

Dakota Johnson stars as Susanna “Susie” Bannion, a woman who enrolls in a prestigious Berlin dance academy that also happens to be run by a coven of witches. As Susie climbs up the ladder of the Markos Tanz Akademie she comes to learn more about its secrets.

Watch Suspiria on Amazon

The Tenant

Roman Polanski, in addition to being a creep and outright sex criminal, has a grand fascination with apartments, directing an unofficial “Apartment Trilogy” with Repulsion, Rosemary’s Baby, and The Tenant. And it’s not hard to see why. There is something a little strange about dozens if not hundreds of relative strangers all calling the same place “home.”

1976’s The Tenant is the culmination of Polanski’s obsession with communal living and in some ways is the creepiest. Polanski stars as Trelkovsky, a paranoid young file clerk who is on the verge of succumbing to the constant dread he feels. Things are exacerbated when Trelkovsky moves into a Parisian apartment and discovers the previous occupant killed herself. What follows is a tense and trippy exploration of fear itself.

Watch The Tenant on Amazon (US only)

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The Wailing

Get ready for this epic-length (156 minutes!) story of possession and exorcism in a small village from director Na Hong-jin. Kwak Dowon stars as a cop who investigates a series of mysterious and violent deaths, only to discover that they have a supernatural cause that soon infects his family.

Despite odd moments of humor here and there, The Wailing is almost unremittingly bleak and its imagery is thoroughly unsettling. Deliberately paced and building an atmosphere of unspeakable dread, The Wailing is a standout of Asian horror.

Watch The Wailing on Amazon (US only)

Oscilloscope

We Need to Talk About Kevin

Mexican director Jorge Michel Grau garnered a ton of attention back in 2010 for this moody, low-key, character-driven study of a family of cannibals impacted by the death of its patriarch.

There’s no back story about how the clan became eaters of human flesh; they simply are, and the movie accepts that and focuses on the dilemma in front of them. That is more effective than spelling everything out. An English-language remake from director Jim Mickle (Stake Land) popped up in 2013.

Watch We Need to Talk About Kevin on Amazon (US only)

The post Best Horror Movies on Amazon Prime Right Now appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[valkerymillenia]

Umbrella Academy

season 2, episode 8

Once again- live blogging my thoughts and reactions in one post to avoid spamming.

So this is how the FBI gets their hands on Vanya, huh? Seems most fan theories were wrong.

Oh, Sissy's last name is Cooper!

I did wonder about that -how did remember her name despite forgetting everything else? If she knew her name then she should have been able to remember other little fragments.

Of course the feds focus on the fact that her name is Russian. Cold war bullshit. I guess they think she's a spy or since Russian sleeper soldier or something.

"I'm not Russian" -you kinda are though 😅 Tatiana was Russian and gave birth to you in Moscow sooo...

DID VANYA JUST SPEAK RUSSIAN?!

Is that one of the 7 languages that Reggie all the siblings or....? Does it... Does it have something to do with her powers or her birth place?

"simple-minded boy"? FUCK YOU.😠

"communist threat" there it is 🙄

Oh no, she's losing her cool. Here come the powers... I keep wondering how she does that 'sucking the life' out of someone thing. 🤔

That's a lot of puke.

Poor Five, he's starting to crack under the stress.

Why is Ben gagging? He's dead, he shouldn't be able to feel or smell the puke.

Loving Robert's real curls starting to show.

"I regret nothing" -hmm.... Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

"there's a giant dead white boy on my couch" 😆

"Oh, I see. It's gonna be one of those kind of nights, huh? So are we burning or burying?" -this is why I love Klaus! He doesn't even flinch, he doesn't care what happened, he doesn't ask, he just immediately decides that he's going to help his sister get rid of a dead body like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Although, it would be interesting if Klaus actual saw the Swede ghosts too. I just want Klaus to be seeing ghosts everywhere again, ok? I want that struggle from season 1 to be brought back and not swept under the rug for plot convenience. As a writer, if you make something an important character trait, you stick with it and they haven't done that with Klaus, they are half-assing his struggle with his powers.

It's the Swede really going to...? Oh good, saved by the cat.

Oh! So that's what "lavender" means! I was right, it was the perfume, it was probably obvious but I'm a little dumb.

Ah! Lila is trying to hire Diego for the Commission???

Diego is so confused.

"colorful history" sounds so wrong and sexual 😣

Diego is so full of bullshit. His loyalties absolutely lie with his family, he's just too defensive to admit it.

Reginald FRAMED Pogo's family drawing? So he's a better dad to the chimp than his own kids, huh?

THE TELEVATOR!!!!!!! PLANS FOR THE TELEVATOR!!!! I love comic references, please tell me we'll see a real televator in the show!

So Reggie really is planning something about JFK...

"are you involved in something nefarious?" "Quite often. Did you have something more specific in mind?" -at least he owns it 😆

"shaggy man" -ah! Poor Diego!

Reggie really loves this Grace, huh? But she has a point.

Five is losing it a bit, huh?

The baby powder 🤣

"I have to find myself" -RIGHT! I was wondering when this would come up! Old!Five was there for the JFK thing so Five just has to find his old self and his briefcase in order to correct all this mess. More comic references!

"arguably the most dangerous assassin in the time-space continuum" -DAMN RIGHT 💯

"paradox psychosis" 🤣I know it's supposed to be super serious but the symptoms are so funny...

"a spotter? What is that? Like a wingman?" 😆 This parallels that "Body man? What's that? Like a masseuse?" line in s02e02 where Five is the confused one.

Five, do you really think your brother can stop you if you spiral? Because I don't.

Luther doesn't have a great attention span, does he?

Harlan's drawing is interesting... I get a feeling it's important.

Shit, they are torturing Vanya!! This is so bad!

LSD? LSD?????? No, that's a terrible idea with her powers!!!

Eeeewwwww the eyeballs! 👁️

That's a hell of a bad trip... The way the music makes with the visuals reminds me of my synesthesia though.

Oh! So this is where the scene of all the adult siblings in the Academy uniforms is from!!! (I remember someone saying it was Diego dreaming of having a drugged hallucination in the asylum, they were pretty close! It's Vanya drugged by the FBI instead!)

"I get you" -that is not the face of a person that gets this at all, Luther!

"Don't freak out." -like that ever worked 😆

Lila trying to have her cake and eat it too with her mom and Diego.

That informational video 🤣🤣🤣

Free coffee! Weekly donuts* (*fees apply)! Wow, so tempting 😒

"whatever your skill, education, or comfort level with moral ambiguity (...)" 😆

Are the Fives just having a staring contest? 🤣🤣

Ah! How can Five be bitchy and aggressive to HIMSELF 😆

"all those years on the apocalypse, we never stopped working about our family." -why does Luther look so damn surprised to hear this?? Why the hell does he think Five is doing so this for?!

Wow, Five is really bitter about his body, isn't he? He's making old!Five so nervous 😅

Oops, there's stage 4 for old!Five!

And there's stage 3 as well and stages 5 and 6 for little!Five.

I get a feeling Five doesn't really have the accurate calculations, he's just lying and using the originals.

"I don't trust him!" -he's... He's you...14 days ago! How do you not trust yourself?

"but he's you" "exactly" 🤣🤣🤣

I'm so afraid how what Diego is going to do. I get a feeling hell fuck up trying to be a misguided hero again...

"I'm Diego. I have a knife." 😆

"it's very shiny" 🤣

So Diego is a legend, huh? 😏

"there's been a coup d'etat" "what's that? Cadillac?" -don't play dumb, Diego, I don't believe for a single second that you don't know what a coup is.

So the new apocalypse WAS Vanya's fault but by proxy (actually more the FBI's fault), she was just a small domino. So literally the only one that didn't actively do anything to impact the timeline ends up being the one doing the most damage (again)? PLOT TWIST!

Oh no, DON'T GET ANY IDEAS ABOUT YOUR SISTER, DIEGO! YOU SAW HOW BADLY THAT ENDED LAST TIME!

No, I refuse to believe "she will always be the bomb" 😠😠😠😠

LOL, hi, Dot!

NO! LUTHER, YOU MORON! DON'T GIVE HIM ALL THAT INFO! YOU'LL CHANGE EVERYTHING AND CEASE TO EXIST!!!

These dumb siblings exhaust me

"little jerk-off" -why are you insulting yourself, you weirdo? 😆

Old!Five with all the PP symptoms and yet he says he never felt better in his life 🤣

"you're getting paranoid" -you both are, and sweaty, itchy and gassy. All that's missing is the homicidal rage at this point 😅

Vanya's hallucination shows us a twisted paranoid view she has of her siblings and it's very interesting:

-Ben is protective, defends her, he can do no harm, probably because he died young so nostalgia blurs her memory of him

-Allison defends her but is also arrogant and condescending, speaking as if she's implying that Vanya is weak, probably because Vanya feels that Allison is perfect and has an inferiority complex

-Luther is just as arrogant and looks down her, calling her lazy, but does so without malice (more mockery than anger)

-Klaus is accusing and suspicious but still on the fence and excitable, probably reflecting Vanya's own doubts and how she herself sees Klaus

-Five just stares, judging and silent but unable to look away, probably because she trusts him but she also doesn't know him, there's the same nostalgia effect as Ben but because Five came back (to stop her) the inferiority and fear of judgement is still there

-Diego is completely different, awkward and detached, this one is the most interesting because he's one of the people that was most vocal and mean against her in season 1 but apparently she sees a kindred spirit in him to an extent, either that or she fears she means nothing to him

Maybe I'm overanalyzing again...

I totally predicted the dishes would be brains but it's still gross.

Ew, the chewing... 😫 It's giving me the creeps.

Why is she seeing Harlan's drawing? She was gone already when he made that particular drawing (I knew it would be important), is she connected to him now??

And how does she remember her own birth??

Holy shit, Harlan is feeling Vanya's pain!!!😲😲😲

"why are people so much heavier when they're dead?" "You got a lot of practice at this?" 😅

Ben and Klaus conversation actually makes me feel a bit better about the possession but it makes no sense at all 🤣

Poor Ray keeps meeting in-laws in the weirdest situations 🤣🤣🤣🤣 his face! 🤝

Ray is having a nervous breakdown 😣 poor guy...

The moment Lila notices Diego is missing, the intercom chimes "Loyalty isn't a choice, it's a lifestyle" and if that isn't foreshadowing for Lila choosing sides then I don't know what is.

This is a really painful way for Vanya to recover her memories but it's so well done!

Holy shit... 😳

Klaus asking the real question here. She's being tortured, Klaus, go help!!!

HOLY SHIT! HARLAN HAS VANYA'S POWERS NOW?!

No, no, no,no, no, no nononononono! This is so bad! A child with a disorder that makes emotions hard to regulate suddenly having an apocalyptic level of power that connects directly to emotion is just a recipe for disaster!

[writeyourownlifestory]

Sometimes . . . Dead Is Better

Chapters: 2/4 Fandom: IT Rating: E Warnings: Character Death, Zombie(?), Literally Pet Sematary. Gay bashing. Homophobia. Murder. Animal death. Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh/Ben Hanscom Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, lots of death.

Tag list: @richietoaster, @beproudtozier, @that-weird-girls-blog, @s-onora, @s-s-georgie, @bellarosewrites, @iamcupcakefrosting, @reddieonwheels, @ghostnebula, @madidraw @madi-main, @gazebobullshit, @thoughtfullyyoungduck​, @airbenderking, @ambitiousskychild, @tozierking​,

You know what they say about Derry, no one who dies here ever really dies.

IT + Pet Semetary = fun times for no one involved

Part one

Richie woke up alone in bed, feeling more exhausted than he had in a while. He remembered being back in college, pulling all-nighters so he could study and then spending the entire morning and afternoon in the radio station on campus. It wasn’t a job and barely paid inexperience, but it counted towards his credits, so it was worth the lack of sleep.

He did this for an entire semester, only making it by thanks to an energy drink, ramen noodles, and the support of a very loving and attractive boyfriend who offered a warm bed when he could actually sleep and an even warming mouth when they decided to get frisky.

Now he was an adult, waking up in a bed that was not his own, in clothes that were covered in dirt and wrinkled from the rain. For a small moment, Richie had forgotten what happened. Forgot about the date night that led to disaster. Forgot seeing Eddie’s distorted body in the basement of the hospital. Forgot about bringing him to the burial ground.

And then it all came flooding back to him when Penny hopped up onto the bed, yipping at him with a strange array of annoyance. Penny had never been very strong and jumping high was out of character for her, but she got up onto the bed with very little issue. Richie pushed her away as he went to stand, inspecting the room around him and then out to the rest of the suite. There was no sign of anybody other than himself in the entire place.

He sat on the couch, letting the realization come over him. As Penny came towards him, Richie scooped the pup up, ignoring the growling as he held her in his arms.

“How did you come back?” He asked her in a heavy sigh. She growled, baring her teeth in an attempt to look menacing. “How the fuck are you here and he isn’t?”

Penny bit him then, right on the arm and Richie tossed the dog away. For a long moment, he thought perhaps it was nothing but a nightmare. Penny didn’t really die and was just turning into the bitch she was meant to be. Eddie was still at his mother’s and he didn’t suffer a horrible fate at the hand of off-duty officer Henry Bowers.

Pulling his glasses off, he set them onto the coffee table, rubbing a hand over his face as he went into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. He hoped that they had packed enough liquor to spike his drink as it seemed like something he would need. A dash of bourbon never hurt anyone after all.

He heard the door open and he found that his suspicions were correct. All of this was just a horrible dream. He reentered the living room, intent on welcoming Eddie home, but he found himself unable to make any words.

Eddie had indeed back, except he didn’t look like Eddie. His vision might be blurry, but he knew what Eddie looked like well enough to spot the difference. The man standing in front of him was dirty from head to toe. His clothes were ripped and drenched, covered in blood and mud. His skin was darker, practically tainted by the dirt and there was a gaping hole in his cheek.

His eyes were bloodshot and his head was cocked slightly from the dislocation of his neck. There were bruises along his face, results of being punched repeatedly by Bowers.

Richie couldn’t scream. He couldn’t react. The coffee cup slipped from his head, shattering to the floor as the liquid inside splashed all around him. As Eddie stepped forward, Richie stepped back. It was a fluid dance between the two until Richie was pushed back against the corner where he crumbled to his feet, trembling into a frozen mess.

Eddie reached forward then, extending a dirty hand out until he was touching Richie’s face.

And suddenly, everything was a little less blurry. Eddie placed Richie’s glasses back onto his face, over his eyes so the sight was clear and the reality of the situation was a bit more real.

“Richie,” Eddie breathed out slowly. His voice was more of a gurgle, but Richie heard his own name enough to make it out. Eddie looked the other male slowly, those bloodshot eyes taking him in at he towered above him for the first time ever. “You’re dirty, Richie.” He muttered quietly.

“S-so is you,” Richie replied dumbly.

Eddie looked himself over, saying nothing. Richie couldn’t imagine Eddie was happy with how he looked. He was dirty all over, with bloody and mud-covered him head to toe. His clothes were destroyed and his hair was practically matted.

Richie stood slowly, leaning against the wall for support as he looked over his boyfriend. No. Fiancé. The ring was still on his finger; the white gold shining beside the mess. Richie reached out then, pulling Eddie into him. He held him closely, just taking in his very existence. He didn’t smell like the Eddie he knew, but he could fix that.

“Come on. Let’s get cleaned up.”

The bathroom wasn’t big like their one at home and it took some shifting for them to both fit into the shower, but they made it work. Richie only needed a quick rinse to take away the dirt on his body, but Eddie was a different story. He pushed him under the spray, lathering him up with the lavender soap Eddie packed from home since the shit they had here didn’t do anything for them except dry out their skin.

Slowly the water began to turn brown and then a slight red as the dried blood was swept from his body, and then finally black as he was completely washed off. He held onto his wrist a moment or two as he helped him out and found that he had no pulse. He was talking to him and responding with his own words, but he wasn’t breathing.

And yet he was alive.

“Is it bad?” Eddie asked as Richie inspected his wounds. They sat on the couch, sitting in their underwear after finally cleaning themselves up.

The bruises could be hidden away with medical supplies or makeup. Wasn’t the first time they had used it to hide the marks that had been given to them by bullies. Being gay in a small town wasn’t something Richie would ever suggest to anyone.

The hole in his cheek was no longer bleeding but was still there. Richie didn’t know if he could bring him to the hospital to fix it or if he should just sew it up himself.

He chose the latter, mostly because if the hospital might be a bit concerned about his lack of plus and also the last time he was there, he was a corpse.

“It’s fine. I’m gonna make it better.” He promised, going into Eddie’s carry on bag so he could get the emergency sewing skit out. Nothing about this was ideal and he waited for Eddie to snap at him for even thinking of doing makeshift stitching, but nothing came. Eddie just sat there quietly, waiting for Richie to get it over with. He used a lighter to sanitize the needle, gently kissing Eddie’s wound before setting in to fix the hole.

He didn’t jolt or make any movement. It didn’t even seem to hurt him. Eddie just sat there, letting Richie fix the hole in his face before he patched it up with a facial bandage.

“There. Gorgeous like always.” He swore, kissing his lips softly.

He stayed pressed against him, sighing in softly. He still didn’t smell like himself, but rather a bit of lavender and something else. Eddie leaned into him, his hand lacing his fingers around Richie’s as they sat and held one another for a moment.

For a short while, it felt like everything was okay in the world. Eddie was back and so was Penny, who had circled at Eddie’s feet like old times They were sitting together as a small little family as they did before.

Eddie was watching him for a moment, those bloodshot eyes focusing on his face before leaning in to kiss him. It was deeper than before, a bit more sloppy. Eddie’s head was cocked slightly from his snapped neck and his arm was twisted a strange way from how he had fallen from the water.

He stood then, using his second arm to adjust his first, snapping it back into its socket. The sound was harsh and had Richie jumping in disgust. He used his hands and twisted his own head back into a proper position; the sound of cracking bones hitting Richie’s stomach in such a terrible way.

Eddie kissed him after that, fingers with nails that had dirt pushed underneath gripped onto his face as their kiss deepened in a way that showed Richie that the man meant business.

Richie walked backward, letting Eddie lead him back to their bedroom. They had done this before; the endless need and want for one another. Their college years had been filled with quick fucks in their dorms or their cars or really any space they could fit into.

As they got older and leased their first apartment, they made use of the space and the small bed that came with it. And as they got older and purchased their larger space that they currently resided in, they used every surface for their own benefit.

Of course, they were older now. Hitting thirty just this year. They didn’t have time to constantly have sex, but they enjoyed their time together, using any excuse they could to have a date night. If Richie’s podcast lasted longer than expected he would bring home takeout and they’d sit on the couch, feeding one another and stealing nips and kisses. If Eddie woke up early to go jogging, he would bring home smoothies and wake Richie up in the most delicious of ways.

Now was just like those times. Eddie came back, not from a jog but the dead, and even if he didn’t wake Richie up, he was still surprising him nonetheless. Eddie had another worldly sense of desire him in and Richie allowed the other man to lead the way.

They weren’t wearing anything other than their boxers, so undressing wasn’t necessary. The small barrier between them was removed and Eddie pushed Richie onto the bed, kissing him deeply as his hand wrapped around Richie’s now awakened member.

They were rushing, though Richie had no idea why. Maybe Eddie was just so happy to be back that he didn’t want to waste another second? He didn’t know nor could he fully care. While Eddie took the time to unpack all their bags, Richie had very little idea where anything was. Lube was something they always packed as you never knew when you’d need it, but where the bottle had been stashed was up the air.

Eddie didn’t seem to mind, however. He licked his palm slowly, lathering it up before going back to jerking Richie off. Eddie had always hated to use spit for lube. It never fully worked and always made for difficult lovemaking. They kept multiple bottles on hand from this point on, though something told Richie that whatever switch inside Eddie’s head that cared for such little things was temporarily flipped off.

When Eddie deemed Richie’s cock ready, he moved closely onto his hips. Normally the man would prep himself; even make somewhat of a show of it. Something about watching Eddie figure himself was far too delicious for Richie to put into words, but there was no prep this time around. He straddled Richie’s hips and forced himself downwards, taking Richie’s cock inside of him without any words or thoughts exchanged.

He was tighter than usual thanks to the lack of lube and preparation. They had stopped using condoms after college; an expression that the use was bad for the environment and they were smart enough to get themselves checked out every six months, even if they were exclusive.

All Richie could do was lie back and watch as Eddie fucked himself on him. He was enjoying it, obviously, but he found himself practically transfixed on his lover. The way he handled himself was so different from the timid man who would blush as he gave a blow job. Sure, Eddie could be sexy and could get wild during sex, but there was always an air of embarrassment to it. He knew what he was doing was normal but to be seen like that when he was normally such a sweet little thing was almost too much for him to handle.

Now he was riding Richie like he was a bull at a rodeo, circling his hips in ways that Richie hadn’t seen since they were in college, hopped up on energy drinks and sheer lust. Richie pulled Eddie down to him for another kiss, crying out as Eddie bit his lip. Blood escaped the small wound but Eddie licked it away, releasing a shout of his own as he arched his back, moving faster on top of Richie as his hands spread out against his chest to find his own leverage.

It was over before either realized, with Richie finishing deep inside of his fiancé and Eddie on top of their stomachs. They were both left panting, something that surprised Richie as the last time he checked, Eddie didn’t have a pulse, though he couldn’t think hard enough to question it. He also couldn’t question how a man without any blood pumping through his veins was able to ejaculate. All he could do was be thankful for the impromptu fucking that arose from him returning.

Eddie moved off Richie, going to lay beside him on the bed. He was quiet for a moment, just staring at the other man for some time. He reached out, tentatively running a finger along Richie’s cheek.

“I missed you,” He whispered, his voice sounding more like himself.

Richie turned his head to look at him, ignoring the way his glasses pressed into his nose. He leaned forward, kissing Eddie slowly. He didn’t kiss back, but rather remained still and allowed Richie to have this moment.

Richie would take it for all it was worth.

They cleaned up again, this time choosing to get actually dressed. He helped Eddie pick something out, choosing simple jeans and a polo. He hoped that if Eddie looked like his normal self it would help him feel like his normal self.

There was a knock on the door in between their dressing and Richie left Eddie in the bedroom to go answer it. It was Mike, looking more frantic than when Richie last saw him.

“I’ve been calling you. Why haven’t you answered?”

Richie thought for a moment and realized his phone was still in the pocket of his muddy jeans, tossed off into the hamper with the rest of their clothing. “Sorry. Got distracted.”

“Rich, we have to talk about what you did.” Mike began, moving closer. Richie closed the door a bit more, allowing only his face and left the side of his body to be seen. Mike took in his body language, putting two and two together quite easily. “He’s back, isn’t he?”

“He is. And whatever you have to say, I don’t want to hear it.” Richie told him. “We’re packing up our shit and we’re leaving. We’re gonna forget any of this ever happened.”

“It’s not that simple, Rich.”

“Mike!” Both turned their heads down the hall, watching as Bill and Stan hurried up the winding stairs. “Richie!”

Richie had forgotten all about the call that Mike had made at the hospital. He had no memory of his two closest friends promising to come all the way back to Maine so that they could help him handle such a heavy burden.

Richie stepped out into the hall, closing the door behind him just as Bill came to pull him into a hug. “God. I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry.” He muttered quietly.

“Mike said there was an accident. What happened?” Stan mentioned, swapping places with Bill to embrace their taller friend.

“Accident?” Richie mimicked. “Oh! Nothing. Fucking Bowers is as much of a cunt as he was back when we were kids.”

“He s-said Eddie d-d-didn’t make it.” Bill stuttered, looking between the two men.

Richie turned his head to look at Mike, and the darker-skinned man looked right back at him. He hadn’t been wrong when he called and told their friends the truth. There was an accident, or really, an attack. And Eddie hadn’t made it, though that all changed now.

The door swung open before anybody could say a word and Eddie stood there, those bloodshot eyes of his looking around the group. “Having a party without me?” He asked slowly.

Mike immediately stepped away, looking as if he was ready to jump over the banister if it meant putting space between himself and Eddie. Stan and Bill, looking utterly baffled, look in the sight of their best friend.

“What, did they resuscitate him?” Stan asked, searching for answers.

“Yes,” Richie replied back. “For a moment he died, but now he’s back. All stitched up and looking brand new.”

“I have to go,” Mike muttered, pushing passed Bill so he could make a run for it.

Stan and Bill watched as he went, all the while Eddie just turned to Richie, speaking quietly. “I don’t think Mike likes me very much.”

“He’s just stressed, honey.” Richie sighed, placing a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. He looked to Bill and Stan, extending his hand for them to enter their suite.

He told the two about the attack, leaving out the part where he found Eddie floating dead in the water, and choosing to focus on how the police wouldn’t take it seriously because Bowers was on the force.

“Are you surprised? His dad did all sorts of fucked up shit and got away with it scot-free.” Stan mentioned as they settled around the couch.

The room didn’t have much to offer aside from the couch and small tv. The one plus size was the radio in the corner, which Eddie had put on in hopes of simmering some of the tension.

They were all drinking coffee, except for Eddie, who held onto his cup without taking a sip. He didn’t speak much, though neither Bill or Stan questioned it. Richie played it off as them both still coping with what happened, with Eddie still harboring some shock to himself.

“I feel bad for you guys coming up here. Like a wasted trip.” Richie mentioned, standing to refill his cup in the kitchen.

“Call it an impromptu vacation!” Bill said slowly, watching his tongue to keep himself from stuttering. “Besides. Who doesn’t love coming back to visit?”

“Breath in that beautiful Derry air,” Richie muttered with a smirk, looking over the island.

He watched as Eddie set the mug down on the coffee table and walk over to the radio in the corner. The song had changed to a N*SYNC original that Richie had used to sing back when they were in college. It was a pretty decent song, though hearing it enough times on campus and the whole song basically becoming a meme overtime was enough to make anybody go mad.

“Just turn it off, babe.” He called out.

Rather than turning it off, however, Eddie took hold of the radio, lifting it like it didn’t weigh a thing, and flung it across the room until it shattered into dozens of pieces against the wall. Both Bill and Stan jumped from their seats, staring at the shorter male as he had suddenly grown a third head.

“Dude!”

“What the f-f-fuck, Eddie?”

“Well, you know him.” Richie laughed off, waving his hand casually. “He’s always been more of a Backstreet kind of guy. We’ll ugh, we’ll have to pay for that, babe.”

“Silence. Finally.” Eddie sighed, looking back to the others. He locked eyes with Richie, who kept his smile on even though he had very little idea of what to do intros situation.

“Hey, Eds? Why don’t you go lay down, hon? Take Penny with you and catch a few z’s?”

Richie half expected Eddie to rebuff him since he didn’t seem tired despite looking it, but he instead gave a sharp whistle, calling for the pom to follow him inside. Penny, who had been gnawing on a pair of Eddie’s shoes, followed him into the bedroom without question.

“Is he all right?” Stan asked after a moment.

Richie waved him away, brushing it off once again. “He’s fine. Just a lot to take in, you know? We’re going home tomorrow. I think we’ve had enough of Derry for a lifetime.”

“We can imagine.”

“So uh, was that a ring on Eddie’s finger?” Bill asked, quirking a brow to him.

Richie wanted to tell them how romantic the proposal had been. Maybe he would confess that it was the proposal that set Bowers off or maybe he’d lie and say it was everything anyone could have asked of. Regardless, he never got the chance to say anything on the matter.

The phone went off suddenly and Richie knew it wasn’t his. When Bill and Stan didn’t rush off to pick it up, he figured it had to be Eddie’s. Low and behold, Eddie’s phone sat idle on the counter, buzzing and ringing simultaneously. Richie flipped it over and saw it was Sonia. He sighed deeply, knowing if he didn’t respond she would just continue calling.

So he picked it up, allowing his future mother in law to scream in his ear about how he distracted her son enough for him to not call her in the past twenty-four hours. Richie tried to remember that it could have been a lot worse. That he could have had Sonia screaming at him and blaming him for the death of her son. Richie wanted to shut her up by telling her that the only reason she still had a son was because of him, but he kept his mouth shut until finally promising to drop Eddie off so they could have supper together before they left.

He waited an hour, letting Eddie rest and chatting Stan and Bill. They planned on staying until the next day, wanting to visit Bill’s parents before heading back to Long Island. When Richie went to the bedroom, he found Eddie sitting on top of the bed, petting Penny carefully. The pup seemed like her normal self again, except for when Richie moved to sit on the edge and she began growling in earnest.

Richie ignored her, focusing solely on Eddie. “I promised your mom you’d have dinner with her.” He told him carefully. “I figured I’d drop you off and then come back here to pack. We’ll have tomorrow morning after grabbing breakfast with Bill and Stan.”

“I’m not hungry,” Eddie told him shortly.

“I know, but your mom will throw a fit if you don’t see her before we go. I promise I’ll grab everything. You won’t even have to do a room check tomorrow morning.”

Eddie rolled his head along his shoulders, looking wildly unimpressed with Richie’s promise. “Fine.” He decided, lifting up Penny and plopping her down onto the bed beside him. She stayed there, though bore her teeth out to Richie as if reminding him that she was willing to bite if needed.

Richie drove Eddie out of town and into the suburbs where his childhood hold resided. He couldn’t help but think back to when they were kids, living only three blocks away from each other. They used to ride their bikes so freely back then, not caring how late it got or how fast they were going.

Richie spoke along the way, all while Eddie remained perfectly silent, just staring out the window. When they pulled up, Eddie looked back at him. “I’ll pick you up in two hours, okay?” He swore, leaning forward to kiss Eddie gently. “Try to have fun, all right? And don’t let the stupid shit she says get to you. I love you.”

Eddie moved to get out of the car without a word, but Richie stopped him. “Forgetting something?”

They had made it their thing, never leaving one another without saying how they felt. Even if they were angry or if they’d only be gone for an hour. It came from the constant need of being reminded that even when things were going badly, they always had one good thing going for themselves and that was each other.

Eddie closed his eyes, his eyes squinting as he thought long and hard about what he was supposed to say. Finally, his eyes opened, the brown and red mixing together in such a strange way. “I love you too.” He replied somberly, turning to get out of the car.

Richie watched as his mother met him at the door. He waved to Sonia, but only got a glare in response. He was used to that shit. Nothing new. He just hoping at Sonia didn’t question Eddie’s odd behavior too much and let him leave without much of a fight.

It didn’t take him very long to pack up their suite. Eddie had unpacked their belongings and maybe he brought more than he needed, but worrying about travel-sized toothbrushes and mouth wash was the last time on Richie’s mind. He threw everything into the toiletries bag and decided he’d worry about the lack of organization when they got back to New York.

He thought about calling Mike and telling him that they were heading out that morning but he didn’t want to deal with his overt weirdness towards the situation. Richie didn’t fucking understand his reluctance. He had shown the burial ground when Penny passed, what difference did it make who or what was buried there?

Richie couldn’t allow himself to worry about any of that. He stopped by the pharmacy to pick up extra bandages and scar cream they’d need once they arrived home. He didn’t know how long the stitches in his cheek would have to stay but he wanted to make sure that there was mark remaining as an endless reminder of what happened.

Richie made a mental note to make these last moments last because they would never be coming back to Derry if it was the last thing he did. He sent Eddie a text or two, wanting to keep him updated on everything.

He didn’t get a response though he didn’t worry about it much. Eddie was still adjusting after everything. A smartphone really wasn’t the most important thing to focus on right now.

It was just over two hours later that Richie returned to the Kaspbrak household. Dozens of memories fluttered into Richie’s mind as he approached the small ranch home. All the times he used to sneak into Eddie’s bedroom when they were kids and later teenagers. How they used to lay in his best, making out or going further.

They lost their virginities in Richie’s room because his house was more vacant than Eddie’s. They changed the sheets, buying brand new ones that didn’t smell like cologne and sweat. It wasn’t romantic and wasn’t perfect but Richie wouldn’t trade it for the world.

He knocked carefully, getting no response. It was open, something he was surprised by as Sonia made it very clear she didn’t trust a single person in this town and would keep the door locked constantly, even if she and Eddie were both homes.

When he opened the door, he called out to Eddie. He entered carefully, looking into the kitchen where Eddie was standing alone. He was filing his nails, a look of annoyance spread across his face.

“Dirt, and grime, and whatever else I had to dig through to get out of that hole you put me in.” He grumbled, moving to extend his hand to Richie to show him. “Disgusting.”

Richie took his hand without hesitation. He brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. “I promise when we get to New York, I’ll take you to get a manicure.” He swore gently. “We’ll both go. Make a spa day out of that.”

“Always taking care of me,” Eddie muttered, his head docking slowly as he watched him.

“It’s my job. I’m always going to take care of you.” Richie told him. “Where’s your mom?”

Eddie pointed with the nail file into the sitting room. The tv could be heard from where they were in the kitchen.

“We better get going,” Richie mentioned, shoving his hands into his pockets. Eddie made no movement, showed no exchange in his bland, almost bored expression. “Do you want to say goodbye?” He added.

Eddie pushed off the counter and moved to walk out of the kitchen and into the sitting room where his mother was sitting in her usual chair. He bent down, kissing the top of her head. “Goodbye, mommy.” He whispered softly.

“Is she sleeping?” It wouldn’t have been the first time Sonia had fallen asleep in her favorite armchair while watching tv. Richie moved deeper into the room, preparing to wish his future mother in law a quiet goodbye but those words never hit his tongue.

Sonia Kaspbrak was sitting in her favorite chair, head back and jaw slack. It would appear that she had only been sleeping if only for the fact that her eye sockets were complete hollowed out, and dry blood was staining her cheeks. Her head wasn’t crushed completely, though it seemed her skull had taken a beating.

Richie had seen horror movies were people put the heads of their enemies into a vice was crushed them onwards, and it seemed as if a similar tool had been used on her. Except there was no tool insight. No weapon in sight, actually. Except for Eddie.

“What...what did you do?” Richie asked, stumbling back, falling over the coffee table and hitting the floor as the horrific sight remained just feet from him.

“She wouldn’t stop nagging,” Eddie told him easily. “She kept going on and on about every little thing. About me. About you. She said the most horrible things about you, Richie.”

“That...that isn’t anything new, Eddie. You...she’s dead. You killed her.”

“She just wouldn’t stop, even when I tried to get her to.” Eddie circles the chair, his bloodshot eyes focusing on his mother’s corpse. “I told her things, hoping she’d be quiet. I told her how happy we were without her. How much I liked it when you bend me over my work desk at home. I told her about how we fucked on her kitchen table mere minutes before having Thanksgiving dinner all those years ago. About the time you rode me on her bed on Sunday morning after a sleepover when she was at church”

“Christ, Eddie.” Richie shivered at the memory, tearing his gaze from the horrific scene to look to his fiancé. “Were you trying to give her a heart attack?”

“I told her about her husband and how he was glad to be dying,” Eddie mentioned suddenly. “He found joy in his suffering because of meant getting away from her. His only regret was leaving his son behind because he knew she would destroy him.”

Eddie turned away from his mother and looked to Richie with a sense of determination. “She made me weak, Richie. She wanted to keep me weak, just like him. Even now. Even after all this time she wanted to keep me away from you. She wanted to hurt us, Richie.”

“That doesn’t mean...Eddie I know she hasn’t always been the most acceptable but this....”

“I put her out of her misery.” Eddie declared.

Richie could imagine the poor woman, putting up with all the terrible things her son was saying. A son that had never said or done anything bad in his entire life. He could see Sonia sitting in her favorite chair, probably crying over whatever Eddie had said to her as her boy crept up behind her and crushed her head with his bare hands. Pushing in her eyeballs with his thumbs like he was popping off loose buttons on an old jacket.

“Please don’t be mad, Richie,” Eddie begged softly, moving to stand closer to the taller man now. His eyes, though dark and twisted, appeared to gentle as his overall expression contorted into what Richie could only make out to be a sense of regret. “I just want us to be together. With no one standing in our way.”

In retrospect, Richie knew this wasn’t good. Eddie had always been squeamish around blood and violence. Even when they used to read those Cult Classic comic books and sneak into horror movies, he always flipped the page or turned his head at the sign of blood or guts. It was hard to believe that angelic Eddie Kaspbrak, the man with the fiery tongue but the weak stomach was capable of causing such harm.

“I’ll take care of this,” Richie promised. He found a sheet from the hall closet and draped it over Sonia out of respect and drove Eddie back to the townhouse. He instructed him to stay in the bedroom before calling Stan and Bill to come over.

He explained the situation carefully, leaving out any parts that were strictest need-to-know. All that mattered was that Eddie’s mom was dead and he wasn’t handling it well.

“G-god. First B-Bowers and now this.” Bill mentioned. Eddie appeared in the doorway then and the taller male canine forward, wrapping his arms around Eddie for an embrace.

Richie watched as Eddie just stood there. He didn’t push Bill away but he didn’t move to embrace him either.

“I’m so s-sorry Eddie,” Bill muttered.

“It’s all right, Billy,” Eddie replied.

“Just remember, it gets easier to handle,” Bill promised. “I know how you feel.”

“You do know, don’t you?” Eddie bused. In an odd turn of events, Eddie pulled Bill closer to him, fighting him tightly to his chest. He pressed his lips to Bill’s heat and whispered to him. Richie couldn’t make it out but it was clear that whatever it was, Bill didn’t want to hear it.

He pushed away from Eddie, the color in his face draining significantly.

“Bill. I need your help dealing with her.”

“I can stay with Eddie,” Stan offered quickly. “I’ve never been good with...that sort of thing.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

It was a known fact that despite being raised in a religious household that looked at death as almost a welcome home package to those sweet pearly cages, Stan never liked the idea of it. Richie thought back to their childhood where the young man was too worried to even get a pet because he feared to have to bury it outback.

“Eds, why don’t you go lay down for a bit?” Richie offered. “We’ll be back soon. I promise.”

“I’m not tired,”

“You don’t know that until your body hits the mattress. Come on, do this for me, huh?”

Eddie rolled his eyes but did as Richie requested, going off to the bedroom with Penny in tow. The pup followed along, pausing only to quickly piss against one of the packed up suitcases.

Richie grabbed his keys, turning to Stan. “Whatever you do, don’t let him leave the apartment.”

“Why?”

“Too much has happened to him in the past few days. I want him to stay and relax before anything else could possibly happen in this town. Come on, Bill.”

Richie led the other male out, hurrying down to the car as hopping inside. Bill was uncharacteristically quiet, throwing Richie off as they drove into the neighborhoods.

“Is he always like that when he’s upset?” Bill questioned.

“He has never been upset like this before,” Richie replied. “It’s just stress, you know? Whatever he said or did, he didn’t mean it.”

“He mentioned G-Georgie,” Bill confessed somberly. “He said he knew I didn’t mean for any of it to happen and that I j-just didn’t want top-p-play with him. He said we all c-couldn’t be great b-big b-b-brothers.”

Bill didn’t talk much about his brothers dead. The young boy has been hit by a car on a rainy day while chasing a paper boat when they were just kids. Normally Bill would have been with him, as they were practically inseparable, but on this particular day, Bill stayed home.

He felt guilty for it, as was expected for such a terrible thing, but he hadn’t mentioned it in years. He also never mentioned the reason why he wasn’t with Georgie that morning. When it happened, Richie and the others had expected him to be ill or something as the weather was crummy out that day, but now it seemed truths were being revealed.

Richie faltered when it came to replying. What was he to say? Eddie would never normally be so cruel, so careless, but Eddie wasn’t his normal self anymore. “People grieve differently, Bill. Don’t take it personally.” He suggested.

Bill was quiet for the rest of the drive. Richie tried to think about what they were going to do once they arrived. Not like they could just call the police and say she died in her sleep. He tried to think if they would do DNA testing in such a small, shitty town. Maybe if he blamed it on Bowers, the police would just sweep it under the rug the same way they did with Eddie’s death.

When they arrived at the house, Richie leads Bill inside. Sonia was still in her chair, the sheet hanging over her, shielding her from any light or wondering eyes.

For the tiniest moment, Richie thought about bringing Sonia up to the burial ground. If Penny and Eddie came back, then surely she would do. He chose against this, deciding it wouldn’t be what Eddie would want. After all, he did this for a reason. He didn’t want his mother prying into their lives anymore. Bringing her back would only cause more trouble.

So instead he decided that calling the police and saying that they found her like this was the only option. He knew it was a terrible option. No one has come looking for him after he took Eddie’s body from the hospital, but if they did he’d chalk it up as a misunderstanding and mistake. After all, Eddie was still alive. Back at the townhouse, alive and somewhat well.

Bill approached the chair cautiously, sighing deeply. “Is it bad that I thought she’d go sooner?” He mentioned quietly. “She wasn’t exactly healthy. Even with all the pills, she pumped into Eddie, she never took care of herself properly.”

“Those were all sugar pills.” Richie reminded him. “Health was the last time on her mind. She just didn’t want him to leave the house.”

“Well. Look what happened to him when he did.” Bill stated, giving Richie a pointed look.

Richie raised his eyebrows because really, Bill didn’t know the half of it. He went into the kitchen, deciding to use the old house phone on the wall to call the cops. He had just begun dialing, waiting for the dispatcher to pick up when in the corner the eye he saw Bill lift the sheet.

“Bill, no!”

“What the fuck!?” Bill stumbled back, throwing himself against the far wall as Sonia’s mutilated head was revealed.

Richie hung up the phone, hurrying over to cover her once again.

“W-what hh-happened?” Bill stuttered out.

“She died, Bill. What does it look like?”

“T-that is n-n-not just d-dead, Richie! It l-looks like her s-s-skull caved in!” Bill cried, gesturing to Sonia’s corpse across the way. “D-did Eddie fi-find her like this?”

Richie didn’t reply. He looked over his shoulder at Bill, having no clue what to say or do. Could he tell his best friend what had happened over the past few days? Would Bill even believe him? Richie wouldn’t have believed Mike if it hadn’t been out of desperation.

It seemed the silence was enough for Bill to translate and he pushed himself further down the wall, going to stand closer to the door. “No.” He breathed out slowly. “Eddie . . . Eddie wouldn’t h-h-hurt a f-f-fly.”

“I’m going to call the cops and take care of this,” Richie assured him.

Bill’s phone began ringing. He finished it from his pocket, watching the name appear on the screen. “It’s S-Stan.”

“Don’t say a word about this!” Richie ordered as Bill answered.

“Stan. Hey.” Bill spoke slowly. “Y-yeah, one-s-s-second.” He pulled the phone from his ear, tapping on the screen until it was on speaker.

“He’s acting weird, guys,” Stan mentioned carefully. “He’s been trying to leave for the past five minutes. And the dog is barking and growling at me. I’ve never seen Penny like this.”

“She isn’t adjusting to Maine very well,” Richie explained.

“Richie . . . is everything okay with him?” Stan asked carefully. “He seems off. He started talking about things from when we were kids. This isn’t like him.”

“Just tell him to go back into the bedroom,” Richie instructed.

There was a rustling for a moment and a new voice got onto the phone. “I’m waiting for you, Richie,” Eddie spoke slowly. “You’re taking too long.”

“I’m going to take care of this and then I’ll be back. And then we’ll go, okay? We won’t even spend the night here.”

“Just h-hang out with S-Stan, Eddie. We’ll be f-f-finished soon.”

Eddie laughed then, low and unlike his normal chuckle. “Oh, we’re going to have fun. Won’t we Stan? Just like you and the old Rabbi used to have fun in his office at the Temple. Don’t you remember, Stanley?”

“How do you know about that?” Stan asked in the background, his voice shallow and weak.

“I’ll be waiting, Richie,” Eddie promised, ending the call then.

Bill stared at Richie with wide eyes. “S-Stan nev-never mentioned that to a-a-anyone but me.” He confessed. “W-what the f-f-fuck is going on, Richie?”

“We have to leave. We have to get back to the townhouse.” Richie told him quickly.

“W-what about his m-mom?”

“She’s dead! What more can we do? We’ll call the cops later. Right now we have to get back to Eddie and Stan.”

Bill followed, not having much of a choice. They drove at warped speed, cutting through the area and back into the town. Traffic wasn’t ideal, but Richie knew the area well enough to take all the backroads and made it back to the townhouse.

They rushed up, heading into his suite only to find it empty. Richie called out to both of them but got no response. “Our car is gone,” Bill mentioned quietly. “I didn’t see it out front.”

“Maybe they went for a drive?” Richie suggested loosely.

Bill left the suit, going across the way to his own room, finding it empty as well. Richie inspected his suite, trying to fight any sign of where they could have gone. He whistled for Penny, but there was no response. Did Eddie take her with him when they left? He followed his instinct and went into the bedroom, finding it wasn’t as empty as he thought it would be.

Eddie was gone and so was Penny, but Stan was there. Pressed up against the headboard with his jaw detached and eyes wide with shock. He was gone, that much was for sure.

The sight alone was enough for Richie to lose the contents of his stomach, and he turned to puke in the nearby faux plant.

When Bill came back into the suite, he was saying that Stan’s keys were gone, but his wallet was still sitting on the dresser. Richie was wiping his mouth off with his hand, trying to keep composure as he shut the door.

Bill caught this, however, and moved closer. “Wh-what is it?”

“We have to go.” He told him. “We have to go find Eddie.”

“Fi-find Eddie? What about Stan? Do you think they l-left together? Where is P-Penny?” He moved closer, only to be cut off by Richie standing in front of the door. “What-what is in there?”

“Don’t worry about it. Big Bill, we have to go.”

“R-Richie, what is in there?”

Despite being shorter than him, Bill was stronger than Richie. He always had been. So it was easy for him to push past the other man and make it into the bedroom.

Richie understood first hand the pain and anguish that came from seeing the person you love dead without any chance of resuscitation. He had been trying to protect Bill from that sight, but he failed once again. Richie knew all about the five stages of grief and he watched with a heavy heart as Bill went through the first four of them.

He grumbled to the floor of the bedroom, shaking with disbelief and horror. There was no running to the hospital, there was no calling an ambulance. Just like Eddie’s, Stan’s eyes were wide open and glassy. There was nothing behind them, as the light and his life was gone.

Bill crawled onto the bed to wrap his arms around Stan just as Richie had cradled Eddie on the shore of the river. It was a hopeless embrace but one that was needed by those involved in it.

“W-why?” Was all Bill would mutter out.

Why indeed. Why did they have to come here? Why did Richie bring Eddie back? Why was Eddie causing so much mayhem?

In the depths of his mind, Richie could understand why he ended his mother's life. She was cruel and put him through so much as a child and teen. Stan has been nothing but a good and honest friend to Eddie and he ended his life like it was nothing.

Ripped apart his jaw like it was velcroed to his head. Left him slack on the bed as if to offer a small amount of comfort just as he did by leaving his mother in her chair. Eddie was going back and forth between doing the most horrible of acts while also leaving his victims in a state of rest. None of it was adding up for Richie and he knew it was just going to get worse.

“I did this.” He announced, pulling a weeping Bill out of his hysteria. “I caused this. And I am going to fix this. I have to find Mike.”

Leaving his blubbering mess of a friend behind, Richie ran out of the townhouse and across town to Mike’s home. He still lives on the farm despite it no longer being in business. Gone were the sheep and cattle they would breed and use for meat. Now it was just dead grass for miles and miles.

Mike knew why he was here, as he had been expecting this for a while.

“I tried to warn you. To tell you that this wouldn’t end well.”

“There has to be a way to stop this. To control these urges.”

“There is no control, Rich. Look I tried to tell you before, about the guy my grandfather knew. Look his son died overseas and when they shipped his body back he buried him up on the hill. He came back but he wasn’t the same. He was messed up in the end. He would terrify the people in town and get enjoyment out of it. He’d talk about things he had no way of knowing. It was like he wasn’t himself anymore. His body but not his soul.”

Richie thought about all the horrible things Eddie had said that were so unlike himself. The enjoyment he got out of ending his mother’s life. How much fun he planned on having with Stanley. It wasn’t Eddie that had returned. Richie was sure of that now.

“What has he done, Richie?” Mike asked carefully. Richie turned his head, offering nothing more than a mournful look. “Who has he hurt?”

“His mother.” He revealed, swallowing hard as he continued. “Stan too.”

“How bad is it?”

Richie knew there was no way around it. No way to beat around the bush. There was no practical way to make it sound any less terrible than it actually was. “They’re gone.”

Mike swallowed hard, turning away from Richie as emotions ran through him. Richie might have been the cause of Eddie returning but Mike was the one who told him where the place was in the first place. Mike was the one that called Stan and asked him to come back to Derry to help Richie cope with his loss.

They were both at fault, that much was obvious.

One more than the other, however.

“You have to end this, Rich.”

“There has to be a way to stop him. To bring Eddie back to normal.”

“There is no Eddie anymore, Rich.” Mike reasoned. “He’s done. He died that night at the bridge. Whoever you brought back may look and sound like him, but it’s not.” He moved to the corner of the room, rustling around in a nearby draw. “That guy I told you about? He killed people too. And his father knew he had to be stopped. So he killed him. Set him and the house on fire and then shot himself to go down with the ship.”

When Mike turned, he had a gun in his hand. Nothing fancy or even very practical. It was an old bolt gun that his grandfather had used on the animals prior to slaughter. He held it out for Richie to take. “Sometimes . . . dead is better. Now it’s your turn to do the same.”

Richie swallowed hard, his eyes lifting from the gun to lock eyes with Mike. “What if I can’t do that?”

“Someone will. He has to be stopped, Rich. You brought him back, so you have to send him away.”

Richie knew he was right. It only made sense that he’d be the one to stop Eddie. He probably was the only one that could stop him. He had to put an end to this one way or another.

Reaching out, he tentatively took the bolt gun from his friend's hand. “I don’t know where he is.” He admitted. “I left him with Stan and he just took off in Bill’s car.”

“He could be hunting,” Mike suggested. “Or he could be trying to lore you out.”

“Why me?”

“That army guy didn’t want to kill his father. He wanted them to be together forever. Eddie could want the same. He’d go somewhere special, somewhere he knew you’d go.”

Richie rattled off the choices in his mind. There were so many that would fit them. Their special places. He left with a nod, heading out and off to the places he thought of. First was the Aladdin where they had their first and last date. All the movies they had seen there, all the memories they made. Richie found it closed and no Eddie insight.

The second was the pharmacy where they used to hang around while Eddie got his faux medication. It was down the alleyway where Eddie first kissed him when they were just fifteen. It was spontaneous and exciting and neither looked back after that. He wasn’t there either so Richie carries on.

The final place was along the bridge but there was no sign of him. Richie got out of his car and walked the length of it, looking over the spot where he had proposed. Where Bowers tosses him overboard. He ran his fingers over the faded carvings of their initials and dug his keys from his pocket to add new depth to the E, the + and the R. He looked over the carving, realizing it would be the last time he ever saw it.

He stood, remembering there was still one more place to go.

[migleefulmoments]

" a lot of people think that just with fan fiction, if you don’t like the outcome of the narrative, you can choose your own adventure and write you own ending." The only person who thinks real life is a fanfic and you can write your own ending is Abby. She's been claiming the end is near for the past 4 years and yet this year Darren got married and when their first anniversary rolls around and they don't get divorced, I'm sure a new end date will be set so Abby's fanfic can continue.

Wasn’t that her most obtuse answer to date? I can’t believe she can’t see herself in that statement. I cackled that she called it a choose-your-own-adventure story since that is something that said about her “theories” many times-including the other day. Someone is reading my blog. 

The nonnie’s point is laughable. They argue that the cc players are real people but fans have made their story into a soap opera. The only “fans” rewriting Darren, Chris, Mia, Will and Ben’s lives into soap opera storylines is Abby and co. The rest of us are doing nothing more than accepting the truth as Darren, Chris, Mia, Will and Ben tell their own stories. 

Read on:

I realize that D,C,M,W, B, and so on are all real people, living their lives. And yet, their management teams (and to some extent some fans) have managed to trivialise their lives into some kind of soap opera. A few similarities -

* the main characters are a combination of good looking, glamorous or wealthy (undeniable) (Ummmmm...they ARE good looking but also they are wealthy and pay a lot of money to look good) 

* there are ongoing major themes running concurrently with lesser ones (serious dramatic roles/commercials/fashion appearances PR set-ups,paid sponsorship) (Every human alive has major and minor things happening in their lives at all given times. As for cc characters, keep in mind that Abby and company have fabricated a great many of the storylines you believe are true- e.g. Ben isn’t anything more than a friend of Darren’s, Chris and Darren aren’t dating, Darren isn’t gay, there is no contract, and Mia well-liked by everyone in her life) 

* there is often an emphasis on personal relationships and moral conflict (DC vs MS,DC&CC, CC&W/ill, MS vs the  CC fandom, CC fandom vs RR, MS&B/en etc etc etc) (All of these personal relationship storylines are fabricated by the Abby and the BNF who came before her!!!!!). 

* recurrent interior setting (TSG bar, PR house) (OMG, how does this person not understand that people frequent the same places in their lives? Again the cc fandom has fabricated the idea that these places are negative. In reality, Darren owns TSG and he loves it and there is no “PR” house. It’s Darren and Mia’s home and has been for years- a home that Darren is quoted as saying “I love our home”)  

*major life events (NOLA wedding, award winning performances, best selling books) (again, ALL humans have major life events).

* villains, or at least shady characters (B/en, SK, RR, M) (ALL CC LIES)

* secret relationships(the D/M/B/C merry go round) (ALL CC LIES)

* significant characters only make an occasional appearance (Ch/uck) (What the actual fuck? Nonnie must be young because all adults have family members they see rarely. Darren and Chuck live across the country from one another and he has 3 young children...he’s busy)

* clues are given to hint at behind the scenes drama or potential themes (disappearing wedding ring, group conversation in the background of the Halloween shots) (There are no “clues” suggesting BTS drama, this is another thing that Abby is fabricating).

None of this is meant to belittle anyone - these are just some observations. I would hope that all talented entertainers are living the lives they have chosen.

***********************************************************************

Hi Nonnie! I think your assessment is completely accurate and unfortunately, because of the outward packaging, a lot of people think that just with fan fiction, if you don’t like the outcome of the narrative, you can choose your own adventure and write you own ending (Nobody more so than Abby).  Unfortunately though, despite the setting and packaging, these are real people and there are very real contractual obligations to be met and fulfilled with a lot of people in the background pulling the strings (Who is Darren actually under contract to at his point and why does he continue to sign never-ending fantasy contracts with people out to hurt him?) And that means that as much as we WANT it to end and yesterday, and we are enraged that it ever went this far, for some reason, this was the choice D and C made as they thought it was the best one, or maybe the only one, for moving forward. And we have to learn that as observers, while we can speak our opinion and hope that our words matter, ultimately, it is not our lives and we have no control. (Your words are painful and hurtful and Darren has told you so.  You just refuse to listen)

[idk-my-aesthetic]

isle kingdom au

so i’ve had this idea for an AU for a little while, but i don’t wanna actually write anything for it until i’m done w/ my current descendants wips, but i also wanna talk about it lol so ig im making a post? please send me asks about it i wanna talk about it.... anyway

**tw for child abuse and semi-graphic descriptions of violence.

basically the premise of the au is that even though he tried to get it passed at first, ben never went through with pulling the vks off the isle. he kept meaning too, but it just kept being pushed to the back of his list of priorities bc he was so busy w/ being king and never happened 

so bc of this, the core 4 stayed on the isle and never got off it. if you’ve read the stuff in my keep them close series u probably have a better idea of my hc of the isle, but the basics of it are that 1) most of the parents are really bad and abusive + the conditions are disgusting 2) none of the kids are really evil and 3) the vks are all kinda frenimes/rivals and will work together to keep eachother alive even if they act like they hate eachother or will even hurt eachother

so, in the ‘canon’ timeline before going to auradon the core 4 are a gang and slowly gaining power. they’re already the top of the vk gangs and are like gaining on some of the adult ones.

bc they never go to auradon, they just kinda keep doing what they already are and gain more and more power. but, as they gain power their parents start becoming afraid of them and acting like more abusive in attempts to keep the core 4 under their control 

ok bare w/ me for this next bit bc it’s gonna sound real ooc for like a sec then make sense

so, as they’re gaining power and their parents are haveing more and more trouble controlling them their parents are becoming more and more violent.

im not sure on the order yet, but basically cruella, jafar, eq, and malifacent all do something like really really bad to their respective kid, so one of the other core 4 kills them bc like. yeah. 

i have some vauge ideas of what each of them could have done and i don’t really know if i want to say them or even use them tbh bc they’re like.... bad, like real bad. which they kinda have to be, you know? bc like.... none of the core 4 would turn to killing if they didn’t have a real good reason, and their parents continuing the abuse that they always have woulden’t be enough, so the parents would have to do something really really bad for one of the others to justify killing them 

its important to mention that none of them kill their own parent. it’s always one of the other 4, im not sure who kills who just yet, but none of them kill their own parent. They’re saved from their parents by each other and they never really have any confrontation with their parents (which will change l8r 👀👀, let me explain)

Even tho they didn’t kill their own parents, everyone kinda assumed they did in order to take their places/gain power. A handful of their friends know the real story, but it’s mostly kept under wraps and it’s like general “knowledge” that they killed their parents for power. They’re not really hiding it or anything, I mean they did still each kill one of the 4 most powerful villains so it’s not like anyone is gonna be less afraid if they knew the truth. ppl just make assumptions and never really question them and they just let ppl think what they do

So bc their parents are dead and they let everyone assume they killed their own parent they very easily climb up the ranks and end up in charge of the isle bc atp they’re seen as the most ruthless/evil/powerful

So now that they’re in charge of the isle they start like..... actually making it a livable place. Ofc at first they try to make a version of Carlos’s machine to break the barrier, but they can’t get it to work so he just modifys it to steal magic from the barrair for them to use. (Another idea stolen from my keep them close series but like I like the idea lol)

And when I say they make it a livable place I mean they start doing stuff like building water purifiers, making like safe houses, establishing some kind of working economy, taking control of the barge drop offs and how everything is distributed, fixing broken electricity, etc etc

A lot of what they do is based off of Carlos’s machines and designs, which like obvi other ppl are helping him gather materials and for and build, since he has power bc he’s like one of the ppl in charge. And he like teaches other ppl how to do what he does and fix anything that goes wrong

Evie kinda puts herself in charge of setting up like medical centers + homes for kids and stuff. Also some kinda way to grow food. B4 they’re in charge nothing can really grow but they use the magic they steal from the barrier to make stuff grow. And evie can use it to make like lots of healing items and such

Jay ends up mostly in charge of like collecting and distribution of their recourses. At first like the barge is kinda a hugeeee problem to deal with bc ppl are fighting over the like moldy food and destroyed clothes and stuff. But eventually they get it organized and have stuff sent to the respective place it should, like clothes and scrap fabric are sent to a place that repairs and sells them, parts and electronics are sent to Carlos or his helpers, etc

Other minor vks like Celia, dizzy, the sea three, Diego, etc are all in this two but this is already really long so just know they’re like helping and like pretty high ranking/highly regarded. Send me an ask with questions please

Mal is kinda regarded as the ultimate leader/queen of the isle ig even though the other 3 have basically the same amount of power. Mostly bc her job ends up being keeping the adults who dislike them inline and keeping their power as heads of the isle

Most ppl are just kinda chill w/ them being in charge, especially a lot of the ppl who were banished for minor crimes. A few of the adult villains try to fight them and end up dead lol, and anyone caught doing especially bad things, like r*pe, hurting someone they shouldn’t have, being a child abuser, etc will end up killed by mal or one of the others. They don’t kill u for like every crime obviously only the like inexcusable ones. Stuff like stealing or mental illness or w/e they basically just help you work through

They’re aren’t any like real laws ig but they deal with issues as they go and give harsh punishments if needed. It serves to keep themselves seen as strong/evil/powerful despite all the good they do and helps keep others too afraid to challenge them. Like frollo isn’t going to challenge them if Ursula tried the same thing and got killed. (The fact that she abused uma and her siblings obviously had nothing to do with that,,,,,,,,,,,)

So yeah! They basically turned the isle into a inhabitable place in the years that they spent as its leaders, and it functions as its own kinda kingdom despite its harsh and confusing laws/rules

But we ain’t done yet, lol

Basically everything I’ve just explained is.... mostly backstory? Kinda? It’s the type of thing where you slowly find out about all this stuff while they actual story goes on, but I figured it’d be less confusing to explain it first :3

So the Actual story starts a few years after when Ben originally was supposed to take the vks off the isle. He, all the other princess/princes he want to school with, the core 4, the sea 3, etc are all in their mid to early 20s.

Auradon has basically no clue what’s the deal w/ the isle. They’re only interaction w/ them is through the like goblins that bring over the trash barges, but those guys are chill and basically don’t tell the aks anything lol.

So Ben is ruling his kingdom, and the core 4 are ruling their own, both sides are doing pretty well and ignoring each other, but then! All of a sudden there’s these sudden deaths/fires/some kinda terrorist attack on the outskirts of the kingdom.

I haven’t thought through this part too much, but basically he knows that they’re is some kinda threat, but he doesn’t know excatly what it is. All he does know is that the villain that is attacking is demanding to speak to the children of malifecent, jafar, cruella devil, and the evil queen.

He basically rounds up the heroes of those respective stories bc they’re all being threatened in some way or another. The mystery villain continues to do more damage and seems basically impossible to beat, and has given them a time limit b4 they’ll go and start destroying more

They discuss their options and decide their best plan is to go to the isle and convince them core 4 to help, bringing along the heroes and some of the main aks w/ them

Obviously it doesn’t go well bc they show up and mal basically has them arrested lmao

Again I have more in-depth ideas for this part but this post is already wayyyy to long so I’m trying to hurry and finish up

The talk, vks meet their respective heroes, everything is from ak/hero POV so as they explore the isle and talk to the core 4 and other vks they slowly find out about all ^^^ that stuff up there

The core 4 are eventually agree, and they go to face the villains only to find out its their parents who have been resurrected!!!! Fuck!!!!

Idk how or why just yet lmao but I will soon

Parents are obvi pissed, core 4 face their own parents and finally get like some kinda closer or smthn idk I feel like y’all get the gist

in the end auradon agknolages the isle as its own kingdom and the core 4 as its leaders and open trade/remove the barrier so the isle can continue to grow bc it’s been struggling due to lack of recourses

And that’s like the basic outline of my au! I wanna write it eventually but tbh I’m expecting eventually to be like 3 years from now bc of how much other stuff I have so for rn I’m just gonna blog about it. Obviously there’s a lot of other stuff/plots/emotional arcs etc I didn’t talk about bc like This Post Is So Long I’m So Sorry, So please please please send me asks/questions/comments/even your own ideas!!! Please. Everything about this will be tagged with “isle kingdom au” :3