#[sorry bud!]
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Can I have a Cynessa, Cyn, or Tessa tumblr layout ? They are all characters from Murder Drones !! with /cyn_tessa on them pls ^_^
hii!! sadly I’m going to have to decline this request! sorry!
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the writing fanfic to "huh? this doesn't seem like how romance is normally written" to "am i somewhere on the aro spectrum" to "oh god the reason i dont identify w the generic aro label is bc i need a microlabel" to "fuck i need to rewrite this whole fic" pipeline
#mimin trying to write#anyway i discovered the microlabel platoniromantic#which means you cant tell the difference between romantic and platonic love#genuinely never understood why and how people differentiated between romance and strong platonic love#wym you dont want to marry your close friends and kiss them and cuddle them and give them everything you have#no its not romance in the normal sense bc i feel the same way for multiple of my friends at once and if they hv other ppl im not jealous#unless it means they have less time for me#like??? marriage is still necessary bc you do not do this with normal friends. but its not romance?????????#anw tbh ive always headcanoned hestio as being on the aroace spectrum but wtv it is its not platoniromaticism#gg to throw that on him anw tho bc i want romance in this story somehow for The Themes#and its not like i know how to write romance any other way. or i wouldnt have gone down this rabbit hole to begin with#sorry bud!#anyway i guess ill be thinking about how to bring ephael into this#me writing tes/hes the whole time and being like scratches head where is ephael#does not seem right to write so much about hestio loving tesilid and vice versa but not exploring their bond w ephael at all#bc what is the difference...........#but ephael is so hard to write...... idk what goes on in his head...........#hestio is more straightforward his brain is not as twisty#sorry for the sudden personal crisis on my fandom blog#hestio's now a vehicle for me to explore myself i guess. sends him flying kisses youre my OC now#the good thing about small fandoms is that you dont have to care about mischaracterisation as much ig#also the bad thing abt small fandoms is that if you mischaracterise a char you actually will never find out. cries
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Later in the game, you can find a lovely shrine to Bud in the basement of the Blue Crab Grill that the guys upstairs put together.
#gore tw#blood tw#couldn't have happened to a worse dude#dead island 2#dead island 2 spoilers#sorry bud!
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does my brain feel like it's full of cotton? yes.
am i gonna finish this fucking fic tonight if its the last thing i do? yes.
#i literally just need like. 100 more words to get them up a flight of stairs.#thats it!!!!!!!!#all that's between me and the end of this fic is a flight of fictional stairs#alex tries to author#ii should Probably try to get someone to beta this for me#but between the fact the due date is literally tomorrow#(tonight? technically?)#and the fact i simply don't know who i'd even ask#uh. my giftee is just gonna have to accept the fact it was written by someone whose brain is full of cotton.#sorry bud!
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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.
but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.
i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.
so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.
you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."
i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"
"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.
i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.
and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.
you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."
"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."
you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.
i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"
"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."
"do i die?"
you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."
"oh."
"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."
i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.
i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.
"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."
i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.
you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."
"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.
you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."
"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.
i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."
you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."
"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."
"you could always die, to be fair."
i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"
"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."
i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."
"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."
i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"
"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."
i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"
i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.
"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."
you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.
you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.
i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.
#warm up#prose#i just realized that there's a horror film in there about being someone NOT in a loop.#if i wanted to make it longer i'd have them come back like SUPER battered and hellish.#on round like 999#like halfway through lunch like - YOU . I LOVE U . IM SORRY . I RUINED IT BC I LOVE U CANT U SEE THAT#but like. yeah man what happens when someone else in control of ur destiny#what happens to all the versions of u that DO die...#i also wanted a pre-redemption time looper - this person#(who in my brain is they/them)#is absolutelyyyyyy toying with the narrator bc the time looper is caught up in like#an emo angsty '' i can't have what i want bc i ruin things'' self harm spiral#and like literally the way out of that spiral is to TRY bud.#but this is a person pre-redemption. still kind of an ass. still not really listening to her#still a little bit ignoring that they kissed someone 3 days ago#still KNOWS she likes them and DOES like her back. but is just too chickenshit still.#we're talkin that person we've ALL dated that's like ''i can't be with u anymore bc i am Too Broken and I Can't Stand Hurting U"#... i imagine they grow up tho. eventually.
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PORK! SLOP! PATTERNS!
edit: now lined and colored! thanks for the love ♡
#drawfee#drawtectives#toddraws#this is my first time drawing them and it came out way too naturally#forgot york's earrings though sorry bud#THANK YOU JULIA!
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welp, didn't manage to get everything out before season 10 started, but i gotta post it one way or another so here we go! heard there was a fandom swap game going on, wanted to do a couple promts of my own :D
#guys with freaky eyes <3#i really didn't expect season 10 to be so soon what do i do now...#very sorry to all the naruto girlies. there might be a lot of minecraft art for a while 😔 bud ninja stuff is coming too eventually#anyways! about the drawing:#decided to turn hypno into the 'bug tango with 4 arms and antennae' variant instead of a regular one because it's just more fun and unique;#and tango is in his dungeon master color pallett because his regular one looked a bit plain.#and i think hypnosis really fits the theme of a dungeon master and wrangling ravagers.#plus i wanted to use the design i drew a while ago at least once#oh also yeah hypno is a bee here because of his honey shop and stuffs#hypnotizd#tangotek#hermitcraft#my art#sketch#season 10 fanart is coming but later. i wanna post everything in the order it was drawn. so...
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Don't think about Dean singing Surface Pressure from Encanto at karaoke
Don’t think about malnourished baby Sammy. Don’t think about little four year old Dean begging his Dad to buy formula instead of ammunition, of four year old Dean burning himself trying to warm up Sammy’s milk. Don’t think about Dean waking up every couple hours after crawling into Sammy’s crib to make sure he was still breathing. Don’t think of little four year old Dean who used to beg to feed his little brother his bottle, now not having another option. Don’t think about baby Sammy getting sick and Dean begging John to make him a doctors appointment to make sure he’s okay. Don’t think of baby Sammy learning to walk with his older brother holding his hands, of baby Sammy crying when he sees John because he doesn’t recognize his own dad. Don’t think of baby Sammy calling Dean dad, or the fact that Sam’s first steps were towards Dean. Don’t think about the fact that the doctors were worried about Sam’s weight at that doctors appointment, and ever since, Dean has made sure that Sammy always had enough to eat, even at the cost to his own health.
Don’t think about twelve year old Dean collapsing on the first night of a hunt because he hadn’t eaten in four or five days, because Sammy needed the food. Don’t think about John yelling at Dean asking what the hell is wrong with him etc. and Dean just shrugs it off. Because he’s fine. And he ignores it. He shoves the aching for food way down and ignores it. So, when they go back into town because they hit a dead end, and get food at a diner, Dean gorges on the food, and eats half of John’s too. Don’t think about John seeing this, having a flash of worry but ignoring it because “it’s Dean he’s always fine.” Don’t think about Dean worrying the first time Sammy called him Dad because “no, no, no, Sammy, I’m your big brother Dean.” Because he’s worried that his Dad is going to freak out if he hears Sammy calling Dean dad.
Don’t think about the fact that Sam probably didn’t learn the word Mom until he was at school because it wasn’t something his dad and Dean said. Don’t think about Sam driving alone for the first time and hitting a dear and calling Dean because he didn’t trust that his dad would answer. Don’t think about Dean, sitting in some motel at 23 years old after a fight with his dad who stormed off debating calling Sam because he’s the only one who would get it.
Don’t think about the Winchester brothers as little kids left alone in motel rooms for too long, underfed, and unsure of when their Dad was going to be back.
#sorry bud!#also it's probably safe to say that no one who engages with Supernatural on such a deep metatextual level is in a great headspace
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FRIENDSHIP
#deltarune#spamton#jevil#viviart#I MADE THIS WHEN I SAW THAT ONE VOTE IN TWITTER LIKE JEVIL AND SPAMTON IN A FIGHT#AND LIKE WKWBDJ??!?!?! JEVIL WOULD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SPAMTON THAT LITTLE CRITTER IS WILD#LIKE I GET U IF IT WAS LIKE NEO SPAMTON#BUT REGULAR SPAMTON? MANS GETTING BODIED SORRY BUD
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I'm sure it will come as no great surprise to anyone that about 15 minutes into this the host was talking about how trans women are being brainwashed by baeddels, and ended with a cishet woman brought on as a guest who said that baeddels call trans men incels but really they want to call trans men eunuchs, to which the host responded saying "I wouldn't call incel a slur, but it's definitely the politically correct version of calling them a slur.
I also really got a kick out of this part in the middle where another guest started talking about how the expectation that trans men should ever have to listen to trans women (or any other women) is misandry, though my favorite part had to be right near the very beginning where the host said, and this is a direct quote, "bell hooks, who is the person I believe that coined the term intersectionality".
Just a hilariously pathetic display from beginning to end.
#transmisogyny#someone in chat corrected him immediately#but like i think getting something that basic so wrong#is such a good indicator to how poorly equipped this guy was to be hosting a discussion about trans women's oppression#like im sorry bud but you are in no position to be lecturing and talking down to transfeminists when you are getting such basic facts wrong
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a very mediocre sniperspy doodle dump
#team fortress 2#tf2#tf2 spy#tf2 sniper#sniperspy#bloody suit#knife party#im not tagging cbs + cps FOR NOW… im a budding fre/ak fortress fan i’m doing my studying#anyway god these are so messy and ugly im sorry GAHHh#i draw these in between trying to work on requests n stuff soo.yeag#id in alt always and forever…#era.png#id in alt text
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Gee ma I wanna go home
#blood //#mash#m*a*s*h#hawkeye pierce#bj hunnicutt#father mulcahy#francis mulcahy#i don't remember that one-off doctors name lol sorry bud#decided i needed to loosen up a bit#and i've been thinking of mash lately#art tag#study
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robot doodles of various variety
c0mm + personal sketch
#art#digital art#warforged#robot#robot oc#character design#path got tossed through the wringer in that second one. sorry bud
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Woke up this morning thinking about Lestat’s fledgling (Felix according to IMDb) being all “that’s Louis?!” when Louis first came in and said hello. And, like… how annoying do you think Lestat was mentioning Louis every single night of that poor baby vamp’s life? How many times an hour was the name Louis uttered in that cottage? Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis. Something something the name said over and over until it was pounding in my head like a hammer…
How many fledglings do you think Lestat drove away simply because he would not shut up about Louis Louis Louis…
#Felix I’m sorry bud you were only made to catch rats and listen to ten hours of Louis stories per business night#interview with the vampire#loustat#otp: all my love belongs to you
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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obi-wan, sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose: in your opinion, dear, what's the height of stupidity?
cody, turning to anakin: how tall are you?
#commander cody#star wars the clone wars#obi wan kenobi#codywan#obi wan x cody#incorrect quotes#codywan incorrect quotes#when i tell you this man didn't even hesitate !!#anakin skywalker#sorry not sorry bud#anakin: D:#obi-wan: he's 6'2.#cody: 6'2.#obi-wan: thank you dear.#cody: yw ^^#anakin: what the fuck man–#*bows*
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