#[points at him] look at that asshole

[krysmcscience]

Call this the Whoopsie AU (it's barely an AU)

I mean. Narinder never explicitly SAID the Lamb would stay dead... :3c He probably should have been more specific. >:3c

Part Two:

Well. The Lamb tried, but...sorry, Nari, the crown hates you now. Shouldn't have been so quick to lend it out, I guess. :D

Aaaand Part Three:

'Isn't he just adorable?' -The Lamb, probably, while their followers smile and nod and internally scream at the brand new hellcat they now have to share living space with...

Anyway, nothing says 'Dead To Me' like following a person around to loudly remind them of how dead they are to you. Right? Right. Narinder's got this all figured out. <:]

[chiyana]

this is the stupidest crossover possible but I want Tim to make House his doctor

yes that House

why? He needs someone who is very good, will not give up or send Tim out to a different specialist just because his medical condition is difficult, will not be overly concerned about the danger Tim puts himself in, and will lie on Tim's medical records AND to Batman/Bruce Wayne/all of the Bats without hesitation or fear.

House is and will do all of those things without hesitation. He has no shame, no boundaries, he WILL get into a public fight with Bruce Wayne if it means keeping that man out of his patient's (and House's) business. He will help Tim lie to and gaslight the rest of his family without hesitation.

in exchange, Tim is his favorite patient. Not because they get along, necessarily, Tim is a know-it-all little shit and they constantly bicker and House hates how practically every facet of Tim's existence is a lie (and Tim thinks House is a smug know-it-all jackass who is needlessly cruel and callous bc he thinks the world owes him and never delivers just bc he's in pain, news flash a lot of people are in pain and manage not to be assholes) BUT, 1, Tim brings him really interesting cases and problems, and 2, Tim NEVER lies to House about his medical conditions or what he was doing when they happened.

He lies about literally almost everything else under the sun TO everyone else, but he is 100% completely upfront and honest about his medical history and what is going on with him with House.

admittedly it takes a while for House to realize Tim ISN'T lying to him because some of the shit he says is completely insane ("the vigilante thing is pretty obvious but what do you MEAN you got the Apocalypse virus TWICE, AND SURVIVED, AS A FOURTEEN-FIFTEEN YEAR OLD")

but once he realizes Tim doesn't ever lie to him, he becomes House's favorite patient because at least TIM gives him all of the data he needs as best he's able the moment he asks. At least House doesn't have to waste his time following up on bogus information or figuring out the truth, he can just get right into the meat of the medical issue at hand.

also it's so fun to lie directly to Batman's face, know the man knows, and know he can't do anything about it

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 198

Now Bruce was not expecting to reincarnate upon his death. At least he thinks he died, he’s pretty sure he did. There wasn’t any other reason for him to be a well, literal baby. Around two he thinks, which fits well with the fact that it’s around that time that babies start forming memory recall, if he, well, remembered correctly. 

But while he knew about reincarnation thanks to Shayera and Carter, he’d never exactly given it much thought towards himself. Because seriously, what were the chances of such a thing as him being given another chance? 

So he was quite surprised at his situation, experimentally opening and closing pudgy hands that looked well, just a tiny bit off. He’d never been that pale before, he thinks, even back when he never went outside like, ever. 

He turned his gaze towards the mobile above him with a sort of idle curiosity- a mixture of bats (ha) and other trinkets he wasn’t familiar with. It also caused him to get his first good look at his parent, asleep on a rocking chair right next to the crib. 

Huh. They had the same pale skin he did, albeit in the light it looked like it was slightly tinted blue, and while their hair was white they didn’t exactly look old. They looked surprisingly well rested for raising a toddler too, unless they had a nanny or something similar… He rolled over, managing to very shakily push himself to his feet with the help of the crib. 

Why was standing so hard as a toddler? And why did he have his memories of everything except how he had died anyway? 

His head whipped up from where they were staring at his feet when he heard a snort, finding his parent awake and standing. Somehow silently enough that he hadn’t noticed- or he was that easily distracted by the unfamiliar giddiness bursting in his chest. 

“Morning little bat,” his parent easily picked him up and held him while he inwardly sighed at the nickname. Of course his bat motif would follow him into this life. A low rumbling almost caused him to jump, his body relaxing before he could fully register the sound. The… purring? 

Oh. 

He wasn’t human this time around. 

[jasontoddsno1simp]

If you all are gonna write posts where you condescendingly use other Bats as mouthpieces to own Jason about his beliefs, the least you can do is actually get his motivations correct.

The Joker being alive isn't the only reason why Jason feels unloved post resurrection. If you took a cursory look at the comics instead of being a self righteous loser, you'd know that

[telesodalite]

Never getting over Fulcrum being a project manager...

Idk why, but something about that is so funny to me. Not just because the title of "project manager" is inherently kinda funny for a Decepticon, but also because-

1. It's vague sounding and hard to explain irl because it technically exists in multiple fields, like healthcare or manufacturing, which surely translates into canon in some way.

2. In canon, it's simultaneously a really mundane, innocuous sounding job, yet it's also a super morally awful position to reside over depending on the context. (*cough* forced colonization and cyberforming *cough*)

And 3. It solidifies the fact that behind all the surface level militaristic work we get with both the Decepticons and Autobots, there's also Cons and Bots with "normal" jobs in both factions.

Like, sure yeah we get scientists and doctors, engineers and programmers, but usually in big important or warfront positions. (For plot reasons, understandably.) But it's also really funny and interesting to think of those that worked background positions, or minor jobs.

Like an Autobot working in their equivalent of an HR department, or a Decepticon who runs one of their outpost's or starship's kitchens.

Just all the pre-war jobs that didn't just disappear with the war, but instead evolved to exist within the factions.

It's particularly funny with the Decepticons though, because it could be a super mundane job or situation, but because it's them, it has to have an air of ~e v i l~ to it, either legitimately and/or merely for the vibes, like Tarn's "performance reviews".

[obsessedwithstarwars]

Danny makes jokes out of anyone finding out ghosts are real.

But only when it’s done through “accidental summonings”. In all fairness, if he hadn’t become a ghost at 14, he probably would have fuc-messed around with a ouija board too. So he can’t really blame them when the poor unfortunate souls happen to guess the correct phrase.

(And before you ask, it’s the ghostbusters theme song because of course it is.)

Instead of giving his victims summoners a heart attack, he decides to go for a more… Matrix approach. Incorporate a little humor into an otherwise terrifying experience.

Rather than a red pill and a blue pill though, he gives out a bright green glowing pill and piece of candy. He definitely gets annoyed more people don’t go for the candy. Just because it’s clearly the wrong answer doesn’t mean you should miss the opportunity for a delicious snack!

[sunscall]

my favourite thing about macdennis is their weird domestic habits like wdym they rented all their furniture for more than two decades instead of buying them. they rented the predator movie each time too even though it's their favourite movie that they've watched 30 times in the last two months. mac peels dennis' apples for him and dennis isn't allowed to eat apples with them. they have monthly dinners that they look forward to where they dress nicely and go to fancy restaurants. MONTHLY. mac only knows how to cook boxed mac and cheese and dennis screams at him for this but doesn't consider taking up cooking himself ofc. they make a room in their suburbs house a trash room and paste fresherners all over the room bc they don't know how to just take out the trash like normal people. they need two rooms and two bathrooms at minimum as a home, and bc they can't find that, they'd rather sleep with dee and an old man in one bed in a house with only one bathroom. the fact that basically nothing in their house before the fire belonged to mac, and dennis supposedly hates living with mac and yet still does even though they're pushing 50. they seem to share their finance, and dennis tells mac to stop buying the rock drinks using it. dennis lets mac massage his pecs and dye his hair. they do all this and yet dennis acts like mac is insane for acting like they're a couple.

[conclaveyaoi]

the way some of you are acting like I killed fields with my bare hands and a quasi-popular memepost please, in the days of yore half the talk after the finale aired was about how to kill that man. of course I didn't kill fields, that's a job for radar. come on, think!

[vaguely-concerned]

few things bring me as much joy as my rook's expressive capacity for sudden withering disdain. (he's looking at illario here, of course lmao.) he's so hey i'm just a little guy...🥺 coded most of the time and then someone says something dumb enough that the mask cracks for a moment and every line of him says 'that is the stupidest fucking thing anyone has ever said to me and I'm aggrieved to even have had to hear it'. rye is mostly very kind but there IS a bastard lurking in his head waiting to be let out as well. not just solas but solas too I suppose. two bastards in rye ingellvar's head they keep each other company and are trying to strangle each other as we speak 😌.

(vs. him looking over at lucanis a moment later during the same line delivery. since lucanis was actively into viago once I cannot imagine that getting to watch rye crack and be kind of mean to people who've earned it when too sorely tried is like. entirely without allure to him fhskjadf. witnessing illario pulling the old ingratiating 'rooook reason with him would you~ I'm the cousin with the charisma stats' routine and This being rook's response probably opened some as of yet ill-understood '...I think I hauve covid' corners of lucanis' soul. tfw your buddy has your back so completely (dawning erotic implications))

[kismetconstellations]

Amongst the myriad ways the Voltron: Legendary Defender writers failed spectacularly, is the unintentionally humorous example of Shiro's supposed future husband, "Curtis", having more chemistry with Acxa, in the form of an actual conversation he initiates with the intention of learning personal information about her.

"What about you, Acxa? Did you have pets where you're from?"

"I never had a creature companion. But, one of my partners, Narti, was bonded to an immortal cat named Kova.

That cat gave her the ability to experience the world."

"Oh. That's... 'great'."

This is more than he has with Shiro in the entire thirteen episode season, wherein their interactions are limited exclusively to shouting impersonal commands at each other in the heat of battle.

[auberginesdonthavelimbs]

Sellswords headcanon/thing that is amusing to me to imagine.

When Artemis and Jarlaxle were adventuring together, if someone asked Artemis about his "friend," he would immediately respond, "He's not my friend."

Jarlaxle overheard this of course and started playing along, also denying that they were friends when asked. Unlike Artemis, though, he always elaborated.

e.g.:

We met five minutes ago

I'm just following him because he owes me money

Who - Oh Hells, I thought I lost him

I've never seen that man before in my life

He's my husband

He's my twin brother

That's an automaton I built

We're members of rival factions tasked with spying on each other

"It's just that it's mostly my fault he got cursed so I feel obligated to help him find a way to break it." "In what way is he cursed?" "That's very polite of you to pretend not to notice."

He's a shape shifted red dragon and he's planning to eat me. Please help.

You can see him too??

[vellichorsdesire]

rotating 5 million f/o comic ideas in my head like a plate in a microwave. the only cure is drawing all of them (impossible)

[mortysmith]

Fuck you season five episode nine genuinely some of the worst shit they clobbered together

[hana-bobo-finch]

a strange trend in my favorite characters I realize is that I tend to heavily gravitate toward somewhat obscure, antagonistic forces

[strawberriesandspoons]

You know what? I'm gonna say it, I don't care if these books are fantasy and/or dark romance, they're still normalizing, romanticizing, and perpetuating violence against women.

It's even more despicable that the majority of these books are marketed towards young women. Fiction does in fact have an effect on reality, and these books are making abuse out to be something romantic and desirable, which is just so not okay.

[waywardsalt]

ive been rereading tnp and it’s bothering me so much i need to mention it here; it’s kind of insane how much the erins bend over backwards to make brambleclaw deputy, it’s kind of just nonsensical.

not even him not having an apprentice when he’s picked, though that is kind of wild, he just… there’s basically no good reason other than him being a main pov character and tigerstar’s son. literally any other thunderclan warrior who’s had an apprentice (barring maybe ashfur) would have been a better choice. thornclaw dustpelt sandstorm cloudtail brackenfur- brackenfur is one that firestar explicitly considers and the reasoning why he decides not to is so incredibly weak ‘oh i dont think he’d be right for leader’ number one what are you talking about number 2 then use him being deputy as an opportunity to help him become right for leader are you telling me firestar thinks the cat he once considered letting die in a fire is a better fit for leader than the cat he half mentored. dustpelt is clearly an experienced warrior, sandstorm is someone firestar obviously has faith in, thornclaw is experienced and i’m pretty sure you even see firestar consult him a few times (cloudtail is iffy bc thats cloudtail but he’d really be a better choice, just how he treats daisy and her kits would be an interesting justification for firestar making him second-in-command) but honestly besides the narrative jumping through hoops to act like the other very viable options are either secretly bad choices or otherwise ignore them (why is bramble the only cat we ever see jump to help firestar with stuff they just wrote everyone else to be silent or w/e) but in twilight where he arguably acts the most like de-facto deputy in leaf and squirrel’s pov he’s framed as a jackass half the book??? why would you do that if you intend to make him actual leader?? in his trial run of being kinda-not-deputy you just make him use his semi-authority to be cold and fucking mean to his friend and her buddy??? like i see him being qualified due to having experience being the travel group’s leader and whatnot, but barely anything else is done to make him realistically more qualified than anyone else- he just angsts about his ambitions and gets handed the position because starclan vouched for him for some damn reason even though by his society’s laws he should not be in that position