#[[ oh no Kale you got her going LMAO ]]

[cosmicdreamt]

❝Is there a God?❞ Kale asks in earnest.

Tarot Starters ( Accepting ) || @iinauras feat. Kale

"Well. Not just 'a'."

Oh this is gonna be a doozy of a conversation.

"Gods. Plural. There's all the ones we know...and even ones we don't. Some of them...we could even possibly call extraterrestrial. The one I work with, Origa, she's....honestly I'm not even sure how to explain it. She's an observer of the timelines. Not someone that could physically manifest on this Earth, but you could meet her in your dreams. Or...you could astral project and meet her in her own Dreamscape. There are so many types of deities out there. To the point I wonder how many times humanity's been wiped out and reborn because they weren't happy with us. For the record, I essentially stopped a version of Armageddon and Judgment Day from happening. You're welcome."

[ashlynniis-bracketeers]

If people are talking Hi-Fi Rush AU thoughts...

...Wait, does this count as an AU if it'd technically take place post-game? idk

Also spoilers I think.

So, we currently don't know if Roquefort is actually dead. He seems to share Chai's comical invulnerability and didn't explode like Rekka or Mimosa, so he might still be under that gold pile. So me and @alonsotigerheart talked and had some thoughts:

Roxanne Vandelay wanted her technology to help people, give people a new lease on life that they could not get otherwise. Roquefort was on his deathbed before Kale offered him a new body (and we don't know how much of him is still organic, if any at all). He might be a testament to what Roxanne originally wanted, if in a somewhat twisted form, so I feel that Roxanne might have some form of soft spot for him as a result.

Again, we don't know what's up with Roquefort after his fight, and that includes post-game. If he isn't dead, they Roxanne could probably send Chai back to retrieve Roquefort, or at least check to see if he's alive.

Gold pile is still there and Roquefort isn't moving, but there's still functionality signals radiating from it. If Roquefort won't budge otherwise...

Chai > Shove robot arm into gold pile. What's the worst that could happen?

Blue light erupts from the mountain of riches. Badump-badump-badump-badump. Wait, this feels familiar...

HOST SYNCHRONIZED

Oh

WOOOOOOOOOOO

"CHAI, WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"DON'T ACT LIKE I KNOW AAAAA"

TL;DR: Chai accidentally Synchronizes with Roquefort like he did with 808. Hilarity Ensues™

Proper elaboration (and some art) under the cut lmao.

Can be considered a prequel to this thing I made. So the crack is still present, because getting clonked upside the head with a heavy golden statue has got to hurt lmao.

Considering that Roquefort's body is (mostly, at least. Again, we don't know exactly how much of his body is robotic; he could be full conversion, mind-is-AI for all we know) made of Vandelay tech and even the wholly inorganic parts still look smooth and squishy similarly to 808 (which is also Vanedlay tech), it makes me wonder if Chai could also Synchronize with him.

808 and Chai seem to immediately start sharing the braincell when they Synchronize, and both Roquefort and Chai both already like doing terrible jokes, so now imagine Chai/808/Roquefort sharing a single braincell 83. Roquefort likes cats (if using the 808 photo overdrive on him is any indication), he and 808 deserve to be friends, they could be like Marc Antony and Pussyfoot.

(these two are Marc Antony [dog] and Pussyfoot [cat])

A big thing I wondered with the possible Synchronization would be with him gaining a new form similarly to 808's Synchronization giving her a new "Ball" form, so have some more art:

I think he deserves sharp teef in his "human" form. Kintsugi (repairing cracks with gold) also felt fitting. Also gave his shoes three toes like his wolf form with blue nodes (similarly to his head) to denote where the claws would go. I showed Alonso GG Gio's paw pad shoe soles with the idea of Roquefort having similar because it fits and they loved them, so I added that too.

Gave him a smaller "compact" werewolf form as an analogue to 808's "Ball" form, while still also having access to his original werewolf form (if with some design modifications). Tail is the same style I used for "Roq-and-Roll". I think he deserves to have some form of hand-paws/paw analogues in his human form, as a treat 83 [ROBOTS ARE A PAIN IN THE ASS TO DRAW. AAAAGH.]

[kopawz]

happy wip wednesday, my dudes.

the funny dream chapter before the big finale chapter <3 they are not behaving for hospital staff at ALL lmao

Walking back over to their table with two cans, Kale saw that Chai had decided to use 808 as a pillow– He had his arms wrapped around her, and his face was buried in her fake fur. She didn’t seem to mind, and purred contentedly.

“Well… If you don’t feel like leaving,” Kale made an attempt at a regular conversation, “What *does* it feel like?” He sat back down, setting the small can of apple juice beside 808 with a light clank.

He was listing off the bizarre dream conditions on a claw, “Because all of these stupid halls, the constant ringing I hear from your room, that repeating sense of musical dread from your busted player… It’s almost scary, in a way–”

He quickly and seamlessly corrects himself, “To you, I suppose.”

“..Not really,” Chai mumbled from his faceplant, "It’s more like *tedious.*"

Cracking open the cool can of ginger ale, “It is, isn’t it?” Kale stuffed his free hand into his face with a groan, “For one, they don’t let you change out of these stupid clothes they give you. Never bothered to get why, it’s pointless.”

“You don’t have to wear that, you know.” He mumbled from his face-plant in a purring 808.

Chai lifted his head at the sound of metal, “It’s my dream, not yours…” His eyes then widened– “Oh–?” His intense look seemed to have lessened.

He picked the can up, and sat up all the way. Having something to drink made Chai feel better. Asking pointless questions made him feel even more so,

“So, uh…” Chai’s tone became less monotonous and sharp once he noticed and obtained the apple juice, “Yeah,”

He snapped a finger at Kale’s faded, pink hospital shirt-gown, “...Why's yours pink?"

“If they’re going to force me to wear these things,” Kale plucked at the collar of his loose shirt, “I’m choosing whatever color I want… They didn’t have red, so clearly this was the next best option.”

A smile snuck onto Chai’s face, “Aw man– they had different colors? Man, I could've had a cooler shirt this whole time…” He glanced up to meet Kale’s tired expression, “...Wanna switch?”

The negative noise that Kale made was worth the stupid question, “Chai, If I wore the size you do, it would be a crop top. That’s not happening.”

“Fair enough… So– you don’t really like hospitals either?” Tilting his head up at him, Chai cracked open the juice he was given, “I figured you wouldn’t really need to go at all, since you’re practically all cybernetics now.”

Kale unnecessarily opened the can by puncturing the top open with a claw, "Astute to notice, but not entirely correct."

"...What?" That first word kind of flew over Chai’s head.

"I had to visit the hospital an asinine of times before I got this new tool of mine; they had to make sure it went off without a hitch.” He knocked against his own chest, clanking against metal beneath the thin cloth.

He grumbled, huffing out a breath that made his messy bang move from his face for a moment, "Letting somebody else handle my designs to fix the initial problem was a shit idea in retrospect. Never let anybody handle your plans but yourself–"

"Woah, woah woahwoah– wait.” Chai waved his hands out, “There was a problem?"

He squinted at Kale, genuinely confused, "I thought you just got that body because you were, like… dissatisfied or– bored, or… whatever it was you said before."

“I was,” He paused, briefly looking at Chai’s perplexed expression, before looking back to his own tired reflection on the back of the soda can, “I was so fed up that these quacks couldn’t figure out why my body hurt all the time,"

Kale shrugged loosley, as if his following solution was normal, "So, I figured I’d just design a new, better one. It was mostly just ideas, at first– but…”

He gestured at himself, metal and all, “I suppose you can clearly see the finished product at this point.”

Chai’s voice was subdued, “Oh– you were hurting…” But he shook it off quickly, taking a sip of his juice, “From what, exactly?”

"Look, I assume Roxanne’s version of the story was easier to digest for you at the time, but–” He lightly twists at the metal wrist connectors on hands that resembled claws,

"I wouldn’t exactly agree with her in saying I got out completely unscathed. My body looked fine- (still does)– but it didn't *feel* like it after that incident."

"I was informed that because I was 'young' and 'healthy', I would be fine after resting. ...Bullshit," Kale's face soured as he brought the cool can of soda to rest against his own forehead, "I clearly couldn't rest–"

"Too many idiots needed my help sorting things out for them. There was too much academic work ahead of me, and connections I had to make for me to just stop– and waste time waiting for things to get better."

Chai hummed as he took a drink, "And you got so pissed that nobody could fix it, so you just…" He scratched his cheek, unsure why that made sense, "Went and did something about it yourself?..."

“Basically.” Kale nodded, continuing with a twinge of resentment, “I still feel it took far too many visits to get it all done,”

He rolled his eyes as if what he said was a mundane occurrence, and not completely bizarre, “But I suppose with a full-body augmentation, it obviously could only have been done in increments.”

“Right…” Chai slowly nodded along as if this meant anything to him, and held onto the juice can with both hands, "Uh-huh… She said you were fine though–?"

"Oh for fuck’s sake– That was a *lie,* Chai. I was obviously lying to her." He made a frustrated noise, clanking down the soda can onto the table.

"I thought it would just go away eventually, but I was–" Kale stopped, realizing he had revealed way too much about himself in such a short amount of time.

The sound of a soft clock ticking seemed a lot louder and closer inside the cafeteria. Maybe that was just the music. The song was definitely halfway over by now. This might all reset, so nothing he really said mattered, but there was still–

808 and Chai tilted their heads up at Kale, grinning with a hand propped to his cheek, "Buuuut… what?"

He frowned, “I may have been wrong, in one aspect," He spoke quickly, "–But that doesn’t mean–”

Whatever Kale was about to say to try and deflect from his vulnerabilities was interrupted by two things:

[...Please don't say not a single thing,]

One, the lyrics had kicked in for the final verse.

Two, a loud, robotic voice rung out into the cafeteria,

A tall HS-P1, a model dedicated to hospital security, pointed accusingly with a large wing at the two men in hospital clothes– "Those're the patients that escaped!"

Another shorter NUR-53 bot scratched their beaked faceplate nervously, "If you two would head on back with us to your rooms, we can resume your care to help you."

[Nothing but words, anyway.]

Chai, Kale, and 808 looked around to find themselves surrounded in the hospital cafeteria by a gaggle of health-care robots fully intent on doing their jobs.

"Uh… Kale?" Chai stood from his seat, "Is this why you said we had to keep moving?" He glanced around at their new company as 808 leapt into her ball form in anticipation to hover beside him.

Any way out seemed blocked off by a posse of professionals.

"Yes, but–" Kale stood from his own seat, glad to be rid of the previous topic.

[Is this just a blind obsession–]

He picked up the chair, planning on using it as a weapon, "It’s a little too late to run now, don't you think?"

"My thoughts exactly." Chai smiled and flicked out his wrist with a pop– "...Wait–" Only to make a disappointed noise when all he grabbed at was air, "...Where's my–?"

"Any weapons you have on you, they take away– Because apparently we're 'a danger to ourselves and others'." Kale scoffed at the words he had heard from nurses prior, "So, you'll just have to use something else."

Looking at the can of juice he still held, Chai mumbled, "Something else… Well, we *are* in a cafeteria… so–!" He reeled his arm back, aiming for one of the bots.

[Or was it destiny?]

"There’s no need to-" *THONK* NUR-53's pleas for a pacifist route were met with a solid can to the faceplate. The hit was so impactful that the poor bot fizzled with electricity and exploded.

808 grew excited at the idea of a food fight, and un-balled to leap from table to table. She hooked her claws on discarded sandwiches, chip bags, burgers– flinging the appetizing ammo into the faces of robots swarming to try and apprehend her, stunning them.

And a trio of them were sent careening across the cafeteria when Kale practically rammed forward and spearheaded them with the metal legs of a chair– sparks flying.

…Now, all of this senseless destruction looks fun and all, but Chai still lacked a weapon.

[judeiscariot]

#life update today my friends and i told this 50 year old white woman to put on her mask in a store and she, her sister and i assume her husband came out and yelled at us for like ten minutes ✌🏽🤪

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #524

“i’m a loser, baby, so why don’t’cha kill me?”

Do you wear earrings often? I haven't worn earrings in my earlobes for a very long time. Do you like eggnog? Ugh, no. What is something you have always found easy that others find hard? Language arts, I guess. I know some people struggle with it. Can you lick your elbow? No. Do you celebrate Easter? Mom and I do go to my sister's house to watch the kids hunt for eggs, and Mom also always brings them gift baskets. Have you ever owned an Easy Bake oven? Yep. Which do you prefer: spinach, lettuce, or kale? Lettuce, I guess. What is your favorite shade of green? Pastel. Name someone you know who likes frogs. Sara for sure, ha ha. I like them too! Have you ever found a frog in your swimming pool? I've found frogs on our old swimming pool. Have you ever eaten seaweed? Ugh, I tried it once. Disgusting. Pick your favorite green flavor: apple, kiwi, lime, green tea, or wasabi? Apple or kiwi. What's your favorite Green Day song? Oh, that's tough. I know "Viva la Gloria" is up there, as well as "Last Night on Earth." Name a song with the color blue in the title. "Behind Blue Eyes." Has blue ever been one of your school colors? In elementary and middle school, yes. Oh, and at least one of my colleges. Maybe two. Do you enjoy listening to bluegrass music? omg no Did you ever watch Blue's Clues when you were younger? Oh, certainly. Have you ever gotten a henna tattoo? Yeah. Have you ever played the harmonica? I've fiddled around with one, but I can't properly play anything. Have you ever been hooked up to an IV? After my OD, yes. Maybe other times, but idr. Have you ever played "I Spy?" Oh, for sure. I even had the I Spy Spooky Mansion computer game as a kid that Nicole and I would play obsessively. Have you ever watched Inspector Gadget? Oh HELL yes! I liked the original as a kid, but one of my favorite movies was Inspector Gadget 2. I still think it's real funny, although I haven't seen it in many, many years. What's your favorite jungle animal? Tigers, probably. Do you know how to juggle? Nope. Have you ever had jury duty? No. Do you prefer yellow labs or black labs? Hm, I'm unsure. Both are cute. Would you ever pursue gardening as a hobby? Nah. Do you normally use cloth napkins or paper napkins? Paper. When was the last time you played limbo? Not since being probably a young teen. Have you ever taken a jazz dance class? A few. Have you ever sat on a hammock? Yeah, we used to have one. List five things that come out at night. Just about every animal that comes to mind is crepuscular instead of actually nocturnal, lol. But there are certain species of snakes, usually tarantulas, bats, opossums, and raccoons. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yes, I love it, even though the beach itself sucks. Have you every got in huge trouble in school? What did you do? No. I was well-behaved. What do you do when you see a roach? Internally freak and admittedly try and kill it. I need to get better at taking bugs outside. Are your best friends attractive? I think she's pretty. Do you like salad? I mean I do, but I'm not a huge fan and VERY rarely seek it out. Girt on the other hand seems to eat salad every day of his life lmao. Have you ever hated a sibling's boyfriend/girlfriend? I hated the everliving fuck out of my older sister's serious boyfriend when she was a teenager. He did awful things to her, and it's shit I could never forgive him for. He was basically just a dick. Oddly enough too, with how high my younger sister's standards are, I've hated all but one of her old bfs. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? No, they sound awfully unfun to me and just in general not smart with how dangerous they can be. Do you like mashed potatoes? I am IMMENSELY picky with them. They can't be purely plain/without any sort of enhancement to flavor, and I am ridiculously particular about the texture of it. What is your favorite type of meat? Probably chicken, idk. Is there a mall in your town? We actually live very close to ours, but it's shitty. Have you ever ran a mile without stopping? Fuck no. Even as a kid when we sometimes had to do that in school, I couldn't always run. When was the last time you wrote a poem? A long time ago when I was dealing with some PTSD. I wrote something short, but I think impactful. What is your favorite theme park that you've been to? Disney World. Have you ever painted pottery? Yes. Have you ever owned a parrot? No; I've never had a pet bird, period. How many oceans have you been to? Just the Atlantic. What is your favorite flavor of oatmeal? Apples and cinnamon. Are you an organ donor? I am. I won't need 'em when I'm dead, might as well help somebody. Name something you own that is neon. I don't think I own anything that is. What are three things you've done that you will never do again? Flirt with a friend's partner behind their back, go to SeaWorld, and take a certain medicine I was once on. What is your favorite novel you had to read for school? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. What is something new you've done recently? I just about never do anything new, I don't know. Have you ever tried to write a novel? More than once. Do you have any nieces or nephews? I have a lot. Who do you admire the most in your family? My mom, for enduring a STUPID amount of very challenging obstacles. I don't know a stronger person. Have you ever been stuck somewhere before? Not to my memory. What is your biggest addiction overall? The computer. It's really been bothering me lately honestly, I just don't think I have the strength to fight an addiction right now. Once the pandemic is eased completely, what are you most looking forward to? Being able to go to the movies and stuff, I guess. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? I change my mind all the time, I really like both. Would you say your life is simple? No. Not at all. It may look like it on the outside by someone who doesn't know me well, but it couldn't be less simple than it appears on the inside. What's your favorite type of salad dressing? I adore Olive Garden's dressing. Do you like to sit cross-legged? I can't do that anymore. What is something you brought in for show and tell as a kid? I specifically remember bringing my Snorlax plushy and later feeling embarrassed because I felt judged being a girl that was obsessed with Pokemon. What is your favorite song by Rascal Flatts? "Why" and "My Wish." Name a song you like that is about romance. "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab For Cutie has been in my head lately. List three things you like about Valentine's Day. The aesthetics, the chocolate, and its general focus on love. What did you do for Valentine's Day this year? Girt and I played some Shadow of the Colossus together. <3 We're almost done with it! What was the first year that you voted in a presidential election? This previous year. Do you enjoy reading books with vampires in them? Eh, I don't have an opinion. Back as a young teen though, I did read a couple of The Vampire Diaries books, as well as a comedy called Bite Me. Do you believe in vampires? Not the typical, fictional portrayal of them, but there are factually people who create partnerships and drink each other's blood. Have you ever used a voodoo doll? No; I don't even believe they affect anything. Do you like your speaking voice? Meh, no opinion. Do you like your singing voice? No. Have people told you that you have a nice voice? Singing voice, yes. Have you ever taken voice lessons? I was in chorus in elementary school, as well as in the church choir for a while as a kid in Sunday school. When you get blood drawn, do the nurses have a hard time finding your vein? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Do you vape? No. Have you ever tried vaping? No, not interested. Name someone you know who vapes. The guy I briefly dated named Tyler vaped. What are there places you have visited on vacation? Disney World and some beach are the only two that even come to mind as true "vacations." Have you ever climbed an active volcano? Holy fuck no thank you. Who is your favorite Disney villain? I've always liked Scar. Have you ever dressed up as a vampire for Halloween? Um I don't think so. Have you ever dressed up as a voodoo doll for Halloween? No, but that sounds like a cool idea to get creative with. o: Do you enjoy the view from your window? God no. It's as unexciting as it could get. Do you own a vase? No. Have you been tested for COVID? Once, when my mom had it and I was experiencing a sore throat and stuffy, runny nose. It was negative. What do you think is the ugliest animal? I don't hate them as animals, but aye-ayes aren't pretty to look at. What are five things that appeal to you about unicorns? My niece is obsessed with them so they make me think of her, the rainbow aesthetics, the general look of them, their majestic and mysterious portrayal, and the fact some are shown with beautiful, big wings. What do you really think about where you live? I hate it. A lot. The city has a bad rep and like NO appealing sights to see or places to visit, and the crime rate here is very high. Who was the last person you wished a “Happy Birthday” to? My youngest niece, actually! Her birthday party was today. (: Does your best friend have a job? No, but she has valid health reasons not to. Name a quote from the thing you are listening to? It's just a let's play, there's no like, notable quotes. What are three of your favorite types of trees? Wisteria, weeping willows, and maple. What color is your toilet seat? White. What color is your kitchen table? Brown. Do you have long toes or short toes? Very small and short. Name three things you loved as a teenager. Drawing, writing poems, and reading. What is your favorite thing to order at Taco Bell? Cheese quesadillas and those fiesta potatoes. What is one medication that you've had to taper off of? A metric shitload, but most recently it was Vraylar. Do you like tomatoes? That's a big no. What is the favourite food of the last person you kissed? I don't know about favorite, but I can tell you he eats a looooot of salads. What was the last thing that made your heart melt? Probably something one of my nieces or nephew did today, idr. Would you wear your mother’s wedding dress? I don't even think I've seen my mother's wedding dress. Do you fit your culture’s beauty standards? Absolutely not. Have you ever wished you had a different middle name? Oh yes, it is way, WAY too common. How often do you need to wash your hair? I NEED to really every other day, but that doesn't mean I do it... What brand is your current shampoo? Does it have a specific scent? We always get Suave. Mom got coconut-scented this time. Has anything annoyed or upset you recently? Today at the party, I had to listen to my stepmother and Ashley's mother-in-law talk anti-vax and anti-mask utter bullshit. I was sitting right beside them and I had to message my boyfriend to distract myself and keep my mouth shut lmao. Fucking Kim goes, "If The Lord wants me to go out by this virus, then so be it, there's no stopping it," LIKE NO HUNNY go get the fucking vaccine that's saving lives and get to see your grandkids grow up. I am so beyond done with people fighting science and pretending a quick Google search equates to having a fucking PhD in virology. Know the goddamn limits of your personal knowledge of complex subjects that require such a deep time investment to become even mildly well-versed in the topic. I just want humanity to come together and work as one with ending this shit. When was the last time you took painkillers? I'm on a prescription painkiller for my legs, even though it's only working a very minute amount. Tomorrow will be my first day doubling the dose to see if it helps. Has there recently been a thunderstorm where you live? No, but it POURED rain overnight a few nights back. It was windy as hell too, so you just heard the rain and wind alike absolutely hammering against the windows. Do you recall the last time you saw a spider anywhere in your house? Hm... good question. Is there a beverage that you drink more often than anything else? These days, it's either sugar free pink lemonade or V8 Splash. Do you enjoy horror films? Can you recommend any good ones? Oh yes. I particularly love The Blair Witch Project (plus the sequel) and The Crazies. What condiments do you put on your burger? Mustard and ketchup, and I don't mind some mayo being on burgers I order as fast food. Have you ever taken part in an organized protest? No. If you could spend a year in another country where would you go? Germany. Who is your favorite evil fictional character? This is actually a complex question for me with the moral reasonings behind my top two "bad" entities that come to mind first. Darkiplier is of course #1, but his "evil" is far more righteous vengeance and having the script flipped on him than just being plain malignant. Then there's Pyramid Head, whose primary purpose is to punish the guilty of acts that truly are wicked, and help them come to terms with what has been done. Even in the movie universe, his prerogative is to protect Alessa, a truly innocent girl, though his violent acts certainly can make him appear evil.

[yourfinalbow]

Ack anon I'm sorry. Tumblr ate your ask and I'm 🔪 But I saved your ask to put on the Google Doc so don't fret! I have it!

“Hi Ghastie Ghast, I wanted to share a prompt with you lol. I decided to go more holiday theme’d because it’s never too early to get into the holiday spirit.

“Your favorite winter drink was back on the menu, so I decided to surprise you with it.”

Please enjoy this prompt lmao”

The nickname made me -_- but hi Little Gray Circle Dude With Sunglasses! Thank you for sending me this! I had fun writing it. I'm assuming you wanted a Destiel fic, so that's what I wrote! (Also bonus points for Saileen as a background ship?) I sort of strayed a little from the prompt and the tone gets heavier as it goes on… 👀 I also accidentally wrote more than intended, so you can read it on Ao3 if that's easier. (And maybe give it a kudos because you’re the best?)

Title: Black Coffee Derangement Syndrome

Ship(s): Dean Winchester/Castiel, Sam Winchester/Eileen Leahy.

(Basic) Tags: Fluff, Slight Angst, Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker, Established Dean/Cas, Established Sam/Eileen, Using black coffee as a metaphor for hypermasculinity, With a whip cream style topping of internalized homophobia. *Finger guns.*

Warnings: Coffee gatekeeping and small sections of fluff that are as sweet as Cas’s Starbucks order. Also I’ve been to Starbucks once. Maybe twice? (Also a single mention of a drug that's commonly found as white powder, the non-descriptive comparison of Sam’s stupid health stuff with emesis, and use of the name that the figurehead for Germany in WW2 bore, just to be safe.)

Rating: T? Maybe? For language?

Word Count: 9k+

Quick thanks to my awesome beta @walksinstarllight! They are a poet and a writing sorcerer (wizard without a hat), and the only reason this fic even makes sense so please go shower them in kudos. (You can find their work here.)

Another thanks to @internetintroverts, who described a peppermint mocha to me in like 300 words because I drink black coffee and know nothing of anything ever. You can find their work here! (There's an Easter egg of one of their fics in this one hehe.)

The first thing Dean did when Cas got back from the Empty was give him coffee.

Okay no.

The first thing he did was fall into Cas’s arms and grip that stupid trenchcoat until his knuckles turned white. Shaking and laughing with hot tears streaming out of his eyes, he told him he was an asshole for leaving him like that. And to never, ever do it again. With blurry eyes and all other thoughts hazy, he told Cas he could have it, he could have what he wanted. Whatever he wanted. He told Cas he loved him too.

But then the next thing was coffee.

Caffeine is a hunter’s number one best friend, and since Cas was human again, Dean knew Sam was going to come at him with his stupid green health drinks and herbal tea. As Cas’s knight in shining armour, (a title used by Dean and Dean only), it was his duty to protect him from the disgustingly liquified rabbit food.

Now he expected Cas to like black coffee, you know, like a normal person.

But no, oh no. Apparently, he was dating a heathen.

Dean had to actually rub his eyes the first time he watched Cas fix his own coffee. He stood in the doorway of the kitchen, mouth agape.

Cas was leaning on the counter, humming some song that Dean could neither recognize, nor would he approve of, thank-you-very-much.

(Ok it was Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift and it's entirely possible he's listened to it once or twice but he still doesn't approve of it, thank-you-very-much.)

He held his yellow and black striped, bee-themed ceramic mug Eileen had bought him in one hand, and the entire five-pound bag of cane sugar in the other. And there he stood, happy as can be, pouring it directly into his mug.

Dean rubbed his eyes again.

And not even like, a normal amount either.

He just kept pouring, and pouring, and Oh my god he’s still pouring. Dean thought. It would honestly be more believable if it wasn’t sugar at all, and instead was in fact Cas’s secret stash of cocaine.

Dean might actually have to put sugar on the grocery list after he was finished.

His thoughts traveled back to Ishim doing the same thing with his coffee, in the tiny little diner Cas had set up as a meeting place. Dean had barged in that day, not thinking of his brother mocking him, or the possibility of danger inside. His vision was as tunneled as his thoughts  focused only on Cas, not caring about anything else.

By that time the following day, Dean thought they were both going to die. The bloody and uneven sigil on the wall, Cas no more than ten feet away. Not quite within a comforting reach. The room was spinning from the blow to his head, and he could barely make out the words being spat from Ishim’s mouth.

“You blast me away, you’ll blast away every angel in the room. I’ll survive. Castiel, on the other hand, he’s hurt. He might live, or he might just end up a bloody smear on the wall.”

He almost lost Cas that day.

The blood rushed to his ears as his instincts sought out the mark on the wall. Ishim had told him to roll the dice, but in his head he couldn’t look past the chance of rolling a one. Watching the acrylic cube bounce until it decided Cas’s fate. There was no dilemma, there wasn’t even a decision to be made. He would always choose Cas over himself. Silent acts of care he could never vocalize.

An inability to speak formed from fear and cowardice. Like a lion in his stomach scratching at the words until they fell back down his throat.

And it was that inability to speak that led Cas to think he was nothing more than a tool for the Winchester’s to use.

He almost let Cas believe he meant nothing to him.

Dean cleared his throat. “Mornin’ Sunshine.”

Cas set down the bag of sugar and picked up the pot, the glass making a small clink as it hit the top of the coffee maker. “Goodmorning Dean. Would you like any coffee?” He greeted cheerfully, turning around like he hadn't just put enough sugar to make a pound cake in his coffee.

“Uh.” Dean was still caught off-guard by Willie Wonka over there. “Sure Cas.” He took the coffee pot from his hand and muttered a thank you.

“So,” Cas started while Dean reached into the cabinet for his own mug. “What ingredient do you suggest I put in my coffee this morning?”

“Uh...I don't know man. I drink my coffee black.”

“Yes I know you’re boring Dean, but you can still help me not be.”

“Black coffee isn't boring it's-”

“Dean, if you say ‘manly,’ I will sit you down and make you eat only spinach and kale for a week.” Sam said, walking into the kitchen, hair still spiked up from sleep. He used one hand to sign the words, his other one occupied by Eileen, who was sleepily shuffling closely behind.

Dean looked aghast. “I would starve.” He attempted to sign his indignant response, hands moving sloppily while holding both his mug and the coffee pot.

“I think that's the point.” Eileen said, laughing. She looked at Cas. “Is Dean gatekeeping your coffee aspirations again?”

“Yes.” He answered, ignoring Sam’s laugh and Dean’s huff of exaggerated outrage.

“Have you tried cinnamon?” Sam suggested. “You like Dean’s apple pie, and that has cinnamon in it.”

“I’m not so sure about that, Sam. Dean told me not to ever take cooking advice from you.“

“And I stand by that.” Dean interjected suddenly.

“I can cook!”

“Ehhh…” Eileen’s comment bought her a look of betrayal. “Though Sam may be right on this one, you might like it.” She shrugged.

“See.”

Cas pondered the thought for a moment. “Perhaps I will then.”

“Do we have nutmeg?” Eileen said, breaking away from Sam’s grip to check one of the cabinets. He walked to the other side of the kitchen, intending to look through the spice rack, knowing exactly what his girlfriend was getting at.

“You better not mess up my damn kitchen.” He said quickly. “Or you're organising them all next time.”

Sam rolled his eyes, knowing full well Dean would never let him organise the kitchen. Eileen looked through them, carefully turning the bottles around until the labels faced her. She pulled out the cinnamon and clove while she was looking for the nutmeg.

“Found it.” Sam called from the other side of the kitchen, walking over and putting a hand on Eileen’s shoulder.

“Thank you.” She said with a smile, grabbing the plastic spice jars.

She individually tossed each one to Cas. “Use these, it will taste like a pumpkin spice latte.”

“And don't forget the milk.” Sam added.

Cas scrambled to catch the spices, successfully grabbing two of them out of the air, the third one intercepted by Dean.

“What’s a pumpkin spice latte?” He looked at Eileen before snatching the bottle of cinnamon from Dean.

“It's a famous drink you can get at Starbucks.” Sam answered.

Cas tilted his head to the side and squinted at him. “What's a Starbucks?”

“You know, the coffee shop Alex and Patience drag Jody to all the time.” Dean said.

“I’m pretty sure Donna drags her there too.” Sam added. “Something about girl’s date night out.”

“The one Claire says is for ‘basic bitches’?” He lifted his hands, forming air quotes as he spoke.

“Yeah.” Dean answered, quietly laughing. “That's the one. She’s probably right, too.”

Cas carefully put the different spices in his coffee, eyeing the mug warily. His light brown coffee now had specs of...stuff in it.

(And unbeknownst to him, there was also a small pile of sugar at the bottom, the coffee so saturated it wouldn't dissolve any more.)

Eileen laughed at the look on his face. “It's good, I promise.”

Sam turned to look at her. “How would you know? Most of the time you get hot chocolate and spike it with bourbon.”

“You’re the one who gets a Pink Drink.”

Dean choked on his coffee. “What?”

“It's strawberry and coconut milk, and it's delicious.”

“Sure it is Sam.” Eileen jabbed.

“So what I'm getting here is that not only have you two been to Starbucks often enough to have a regular order, but Sam gets something called a ‘Pink Drink’?”

“No…” Sam started, trying to find a way to defend them. “Sometimes we…”

“...Make our own drinks.” Eileen snapped her fingers as she finished for him, attempting to save them from the endless stream of good-natured insults Dean would throw at them otherwise.

“Well you two are a real Martha Stewart, aren't you?”

“Yeah, except she's a convicted criminal.” Sam attempted to snark back.

“So are you!”

Before either of them could respond, Cas shoved his mug into Dean's face. “You have to try this, Dean. It tastes like pumpkin pie.”

Dean carefully grabbed the hot mug from Cas and took a sip. He was right, it did taste kinda like pumpkin pie. He took another sip, letting the pleasant flavor sit on his tongue. The different spices mixed perfectly together.

“I mean it's… okay.” He lied.

Dean contemplated his pumpkin themed food options. “Though I would rather just have pumpkin pie.”

Cas took his mug back. “Fine. More for me.” He said with a smirk, mimicking the look Dean gives him every time Cas says he doesn't want anymore bacon, before taking another sip of the makeshift pumpkin spice coffee.

Dean smiled at him, setting his own mug down and moving Cas’s out of the way to pull him into a kiss. He could smell the nutmeg almost as much as he could taste the cinnamon on his lips.

“Mmm we should bake pumpkin pie tonight.” He said, pulling away just enough so he could talk.

“I would like that.” Cas answered. “All four of us could make pie. According to the 'mom blogs', as you call them, it would be a good family bonding exercise.”

“That’s right. And if they want any pie, they gotta help make it. That means more for us if they refuse.” He grinned.

“A win-win situation, really.” Cas smiled before tugging Dean close so their lips met again.

“I love you.” Dean muttered.

“I love you too.” Cas said softly.

Behind their backs Sam and Eileen were fake-gagging at their sickly sweet interaction, but secretly just glad the two of them had finally gotten over their stubborn (and oblivious) selves.

Sam was honestly overjoyed to see his brother finally happy. He would even go as far as saying finally willing to be himself, too. (Not that he would ever say this outloud. Sam can practically see Dean’s eyes roll farther back into his head than should be possible at the words.) All four of them had gone through more shit in the last few months than any normal person would in their entire life. They were all just lucky to be alive, and with that, learning how to savour the little moments of overly sweet normalcy.

(And the pumpkin spice-life Dean had secretly been longing for since they were little kids.)

So of course they were going to help bake pie.

---

“I want to try Starbucks.” Cas said the next morning, both of them still in bed.

Dean groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Can I ask why, or is this one of those, 'I'll tell you later’ disasters like with the slime ingredients?”

“I want to try all the human things that I didn't get to try last time.” He said offhandedly.

Dean pictured Cas’s hurt face when he had told him he couldn’t stay, smile broken as Dean’s own heart shattered from the look the newly-human angel was giving him.

He wanted to tell him it was going to be okay, that Cas himself wasn’t the reason, but the lion in his stomach clawed the words down faster than even the thought of ruining Sam’s chances at survival could.

With a pang of guilt from the memory, Dean pulled himself closer to Cas and rested his head on the other man’s chest. He wrapped his arms around him, trying to preserve as much warmth and comfort as he could until they had to inevitably get out of bed. “Only if you let me sleep like this for thirty more minutes.”

Cas smiled. “Oh, are we making deals now?”

“I’d sell my soul for you.” Dean said cheekily, which earned a glare from Cas. “Believe me, I know.”

After a beat he went on. “Fine, you have a deal.” Before Dean could celebrate by tugging the covers over their bodies, Cas added another clause to their agreement. “But... in true Crowley fashion, you have to seal the deal with a kiss.”

Dean lazily threw his arms into the air. “Victory.”

He turned over, pulling himself upwards until he was just inches from Cas. Cradling the angel-turned-Winchester’s head in his hands, Dean placed his lips on Cas’s, melting into the touch as he felt the other man’s arms wrap around his torso.

When he broke away from the kiss, Dean found himself face to face with the most beautiful smile he had ever laid eyes on, one born from adoration and love. Cas’s eyebrows were slightly scrunched up, but for once it wasn’t a sign of confusion when met with some obscure eighties rock reference. It was a tiny expression of care, and it was one that was truly Cas. Not Jimmy’s, not even one Cas had picked up from him or Sam. It was completely and wholly Cas, and a completely and wholly human thing to do.

He realized Cas had been doing that long before the Empty stole his grace.

Dean smiled back at him, relaxed. Like taking in a deep breath after being under murky water for forty years. He brushed a loose strand of soft, brown hair into its place, before falling back into his spot and closing his eyes. “Crowley would be proud.” He whispered with a soft laugh, smile deepening as Cas joined him.

When their quiet laughter died out, there was a pause, air stagnant and in its own sleepy haze

“Oh and Dean?”

“Hm?” Dean turned his head to look at him, eyes not failing to glow with their unusually bright, green pigment. He took a deep breath, the lids of his eyes already started to slowly fall back down again.

“The slime wasn't a disaster. You enjoyed it.”

“I did.” He muttered sleepily, a loose smile forming on his lips as he drifted off to sleep. Cas laid there, running his fingers through the other man’s hair, contentment and admiration showing itself in every feature on his face.

This was more than he could have ever wanted.

---

“Dean. Dean wake up.” Cas was excitedly whisper-shouting in his ear like a kid on Christmas morning. It was exactly thirty minutes later, (he had counted), and Cas was ready to get moving.

“No.” He answered back, mimicking Cas’s tone.

“But you’re like a cat.” He teased. “You're on me and I can't get up.”

Dean sighed. “I can't believe I let you talk me into this.”

“It didn't take much convincing.”

Dean rolled over to give Cas a playful glare, but was met with the saddest puppy dog eyes he had ever seen, completely throwing him off his guard.

“I'm going to kill Sam for teaching you that.”

Cas just continued to give him that look.

“Fine.” Dean relented, sitting up with a yawn and thinking about how he will now never be able to win another argument.

“Get dressed.” Cas said excitedly. “We're going to Starbucks.”

“Hooray.” He gave a sarcastic laugh, but a smile creeped on his lips.

They walked out of their room together, heading towards the bunker’s library. Dean slid in one of the chairs, turning Sam’s still-open laptop around and waking it up.

Cas, meanwhile, turned to a random page of the lore book resting on the table and started reading in an attempt to pass the time.

The sound of Dean typing filled the air. “So, I just looked it up, and do we have to go to Starbucks?”

“Yes.” Cas said simply, not looking up from the book.

Dean groaned. “Cas there isn't one in the county, let alone Lebanon. That's probably why Sam and Eileen make their own.”

“Where's the closest one?” Cas asked, his blinding, blue eyes glaring at the back of Sam’s computer like he was trying to will the coffee shop to be near.

“I thought it was across state lines and in Nebraska at first, but it looks like there's a small one in a town called Washington. It's about 80 miles from here.”

“Let's go!” Cas excitedly straightened his trenchcoat and headed towards the door.

“Or, we could leave Starbucks to the fourteen year old girls.”

Cas turned back around and rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure their entire demographic is fourteen year old girls, staff included.”

Alright, smartass. Dean thought, struggling to hide a smile.

Cas walked out the door, expecting Dean to follow.

“It takes an hour to get there, our coffee’s going to be cold by the time we get home, and it's freezing outside.” Dean muttered under his breath, but he grabbed his keys off the table and stood up, willing to follow Cas to the ends of the earth if it meant he would stay with him.

Not that he was going to enjoy this trip. In fact, he was currently doing the opposite of enjoying, and they hadn’t even gotten into the car yet. Starbucks. Starbucks. Really, Cas? Of all the places he wanted to go, it had to be Starbucks. He couldn’t want to explore humanity through Target or something?

Even Claire wouldn’t be caught dead in that place, with all the frou-frou toppings, elaborate drink mixes, and colourful, drizzled syrup. The people who go to Starbucks are the kind of people who like coffee that doesn’t taste like coffee. Teenage girls who might as well just be drinking whip cream, and that was without considering the seasonal drinks they fawn over.

Seasonal drinks that shouldn’t legally be allowed to be referred to as coffee.

Dean couldn’t believe he ever agreed to this, but still, he begrudgingly followed.

---

Using the GPS on Cas’s phone, (Dean said his insane directional skills helped out too), they found the Starbucks relatively easily once they were in the little town.

They parked the Impala, and Dean looked at the modern building. The green lettering contrasted with the tan plaster walls, spelling “Starbucks.”

He heard Cas get out, his feet making a crunching noise as they hit the gravel, and watched from across the top of the car as he started towards the coffee shop. Dean looked at the building warily, reluctance painted on his face.

Cas was telling him some random fact about a bird he saw, but Dean could only think about his reputation that was about to shatter like a vase dropping on tile floor.

Reputation with who? He didn't know.

Well, he had a vague idea, but chose not to let his thoughts wander that far.

It was okay. This was fine. He could swallow his pride and-

“Ooh. The peppermint mocha looks good.” Cas was reading the limited edition drinks on the drive-thru menu as they traveled across the parking lot.

Dean was going to barf.

They walked into the building, immediately hit with the overwhelming smell of excessive amounts of flavoured syrup indoused coffee. Dean glanced around the well-lit building, taking note of the many different people there.

(He wasn’t about to have any black-eyed minions reporting his Starbucks order to a very judgmental Queen of Hell.)

Cas pushed Dean’s protesting body into the line, looking pleased with the many different options written on the menu overhead.

He enjoyed the small touch of Cas’s hands on his back, moving him forwards to the line, but was grateful Cas was careful not to let them linger there too long.

He was still wary about doing… this, in public.

He knew Cas was patiently waiting for him to be ready, so he didn't know how to tell him that he might never be.

The teenager working the cash register interrupted his train of thought. “What will it be for ya?”

“I would like a peppermint mocha please.”

“Alrighty. And you?”

“I'll take just a black coffee.”

The barista looked unimpressed. “And your names?”

Dean grinned. “John and John.”

“No relation.” Cas added.

The barista just sighed. “How do you want me to differentiate the two of ‘em then?”

“Oh you can put ‘John Bonham’ on mine.” Dean replied.

“Comin’ right up.” Their tone didn't change, still just full of apathy that could only be perfected by the work of a burnt-out teenager.

Dean and Cas walked down to the end of the counter and towards the pickup section. “Now tell me, Castiel.” He stressed his partner’s name. “Who’s John Bonham?”

Cas sighed, but the corner of his mouth upturned in a grin. “John Henry Bohnham, affectionately referred to as ‘Bonzo’, born in 1948 and was most well known for being the drummer of the rock band ‘Led Zeppelin’.”

“Mmm very close, but unfortunately you forgot the word ‘best’ in front of ‘rock band.’” Dean smirked before leaning in for a chaste kiss.

“You should have said I was ‘John Bon Jovi.’” Cas said, smiling.

“Why? Because you’re only good at this sometimes?” Dean closed the gap between them.

As soon as their lips met, Dean pulled away instinctively, realization hitting him like a hunter with a bat as his eyes widened in terror. “I-I'm sorry, I didn’t...” His words faltered as he looked around at the people sitting in the coffee shop, all of which were paying no mind to them.

He felt sick, guilt gnawing at him from a pit in his stomach.

“Hey, it's okay Dean. You know I'm perfectly fine with public displays of affection, and no one else even saw us. There's no need to apologize.”

“Yeah-h.” He said shakily. Before he could figure out who he was apologizing to, a voice from behind the counter called.

“I have an order for a mister ‘John’ and ‘John Bonham’.”

“That's us.” Dean spat the words out quickly, turning around to take them from the barista’s hand. He rushed out of the door, the small tinkling sound of the welcome bell and the blood rushing to his ears drowning out the sound of Cas’s call from behind.

He sat in the front seat of Baby, knowing he was being childish. Dean took a shaky breath and tried not to think about it.

About what the hell he was thinking, kissing Cas out in public like that. The judgemental eyes- black or not- that were watching. He thought about what his father would say, mind instantly going back to a moment in his childhood he has tried to forget since it happened, wondering where he went wrong.

About the time John had caught him and Lee, ignoring the weak excuses Dean was stuttering out. Skipping town faster than they had done in years.

About how the left side of his face had been a yellow-ish purple for weeks following, and the sore spot on his arm from where he caught the pavement as he flew towards it.

About how he had told Sam he just fell on a hunt. “Don't worry kid, you should have seen the vamp when I was done with him.” He swung his fist around in slow motion, pretending to punch an invisible enemy as his little brother giggled in childish bliss.

About how John never looked at him the same. The disgust in his eyes, harsh words on his lips.

About how he vowed to never disappoint his father like that again, and their joint hatred for that part of him. Sometimes it felt like the only thing they could agree on.

About how somewhere, somehow, he had decided Cas was different. That he somehow didn’t count, and that losing him hurt so much, was such an egregious pain, he wanted as much of Cas as he was allowed to have. And how that was something insurmountable stronger than the twisted, sick feeling John had placed in his gut.

He remembered something Cas had told him once: “Hatred isn’t a natural trait, Dean, it’s a learned one. A baby isn’t born with the ability to hate, it’s passed on from one broken soul to another. Love, love however. That’s something different altogether.”

Cas’s hand on his shoulder pulled Dean out of his thoughts. “Hey.” He said softly.

“Hey Cas.”

“I love you.” He got in the passenger's seat, taking his coffee from Dean’s still frozen hand.

“I love you too.” He whispered absentmindedly, staring straight ahead and seeing nothing but thoughts from the past. His mind fighting an internal battle, logic telling him that what he had with Cas wasn’t wrong, and even though everything from fate to God had tried to wedge itself between them, it was still the most right thing he had. And he knew that, but his dad’s drunken, booming voice echoed throughout his head, telling him that he was dirty. Telling him the Winchester men had no place for someone like him.

“You better stop that now, boy. Bad things happen to you when you’re weak.”

At the time he had taken that as a warning, rather than a threat. But now Dean wasn’t so sure.

It’s not even that his Dad was particularly religious. He wasn’t told that it was a sin, or that he was going to Hell. Though it’s not like that particular statement would have been wrong. He thought with a bitter laugh.

While the thoughts in his head were screaming mercilessly, the drive home was in a simple silence. The only noise being Cas’s occasional sip, and the sound of soft fabric rubbing against skin as Cas moved his hand in small, comforting motions against Dean's back.

When they got to the bunker, Cas, who was genuinely impressed that Dean managed to drive them home without crashing into a tree, pulled Dean out of the car and gently shook him out of his self-imposed stupor.

“Your coffee's cold.” Cas said with a laugh.

Dean blinked a couple times, clearing the fog from his mind, before laughing along with him. “And who’s fault is that? You were the one who insisted on traveling across the state to get it.”

“Do you want some of mine?” Cas asked. “There's a little bit left, and I held it next to the heater. It should still be lukewarm.”

“No thanks, Cas. I can go make some in the kitchen.”

“But what if I want you to try it?” Dean glared at him. “Don't make me do Sam’s ‘puppy dog eyes’ again.”

“Okay, okay. You win.” He put his hands up, mimicking a surrender. “I'll try some of your stupid, Christmas cookie, candy-cane flavoured coffee thing or whatever.” They started walking towards the entrance to the bunker.

“Peppermint mocha?”

“That's the one.”

Cas laughed at him.

“Oh just, give it here.” Dean said. He took a long sip from the disposable cup. He could taste a vague hint of whipped cream mixed in with the coffee, its light fluffy texture sticking to the last swallow of smooth liquid in the bottom of the cup. The chocolate and espresso rested on his tongue, and the peppermint was strong and refreshing. He took another sip.

“Does that face mean you like it?”

Dean looked at him guiltily. “No.” He opened the bunker’s door and started walking down the metal stairs.

“Yes you do.”

“No, I don't.”

“You took a second sip.”

Dean reached the bottom of the stairs first, and walked over to the War Room table to set both coffee cups and his keys down.

“So? I was trying to make sure I properly understood the flavour. Since when is that a crime?”

“You wanted to properly understand a flavour you didn't like?” Cas walked up to Dean and pulled the nearest chair out to sit down.

“What are you two arguing about this time?” Eileen asked from the library.

Cas clenched both of his hands into fists, putting the right one on top of the other. He made small, circular, stirring motions with his right hand. “Coffee.” He signed swiftly, movements fluid.

“Ah. That makes sense.” She spoke the words.

“What makes sense?” Sam asked, walking in from one of the hallways, making sure Eileen could see his lips before speaking.

“They're arguing over coffee again.”

Sam glanced at both of them, before his eyes reached the two cups on the War Room table.

“Wait a second… Dean?” He looked at his brother, before turning to face his best friend. “Cas?”

“Yes, Sam?” Cas answered.

“Did you two go to Starbucks?”

“I don't want to talk about it.” Dean grumbled.

“Yes, we did!” Cas sounded way too excited to be referring to coffee. “I got a peppermint mocha, and Dean tried some and liked it.”

“I did not.”

“I don't care what coffee you like, Dean. What I do care about is that you went all the way to Starbucks, and didn't bother to ask if we wanted to come.”

“Not cool Dean.” Eileen walked in, shaking her head and hiding a smile.

“I might have thought about buying you two drinks, but there was no way I was ordering yours with a straight face.” He looked at Sam. “And it's an hour away, they wouldn't have been hot or cold or whatever they're supposed to be by the time we got here.”

“Well then we'll just have to go back, all four of us.” Eileen put simply.

“It's an hour away.”

“We know.” Sam added.

“Let me say that again, in case you weren’t listening. It's an hour away. For coffee. That isn't even that good.”

“I beg to differ, Dean.” Cas said.

“Yeah I'm definitely with Cas on this one.” Eileen agreed while Sam nodded along.

“No. There's no way I'm getting back in Baby to drive all the way to Starbucks again.”

“Fine. We’ll go get our own.”

“With what car?” Dean said, very sure of himself.

Sam snatched Baby’s keys off the war room table, which in hindsight was probably something Dean should have expected.

“Let's hope Sam doesn't have too many shots of espresso.” Eileen said, faking concern. “I would hate for your baby to pay the price.”

“Fine. I'll drive you.” Dean grumbled while Eileen double fist-pumped her win.

Cas looked very pleased with the thought of getting to try more coffee.

---

They left shortly after, the drive over painful for everyone except Dean, who listened to the same four songs on repeat the entire hour.

(It’s their own fault, really.)

---

“Can we please listen to something other than Bob Seger on the trip home?” Sam complained as he slammed shut the door to Baby’s backseat.

“You’re just mad you didn’t get shotgun.” Dean said, closing his own door. “Besides, driver picks the music, everyone else shuts their cakehole.” Sam mouthed the words along with Dean, having heard the speech a million times before.

Eileen and Cas got out, neither one of them had any desire to input on their squabble, and were instead engaged in their own, quieter discussion.

Both brothers continued to argue until they walked into the Starbucks.

“Ah. There's the scent of overpriced coffee I missed.” Eileen joked as she took her first breath inside the building, using her hand to waft the smell towards her.

“What are you getting?” Cas asked Sam.

“I want my usual, and Eileen, what are you having?”

“Hot chocolate with espresso shots please. This place doesn't sell liquor.” She shook her head sadly and Sam laughed. “Good thing I brought my own.” She winked at them, opening her jacket just enough so they could see the inside pocket and showing off her flask.

“Oh, now that would be a Starbucks I would go to.” Dean said.

“You two wait in line.” Sam pointed to Cas and Dean. “We’ll save a table.”

Dean looked like he wanted to protest, but they walked away before he had the chance. Cas leaned over towards him. “Don't worry. I'll order Sam’s.” He very conspicuously winked.

Dean smiled at his attempts of regular human interaction, before over-the-top winking himself.

“Can you order for us? I need to talk to Sam about something.”

“Sure thing…” Cas had to think before finishing his sentence. “...buckaroo.”

Dean outwardly cringed. “Keep trying, you'll get there eventually.” He patted Cas on the back, which was slightly moving in a chuckle.

It was good to see Cas filled with so much simple joy. Face creased from laughter rather than stress, he seemed so much lighter. Happier. It was only a small sliver of what he deserved, but it was something. Maybe he could live with driving an hour to get what he assumed was half-decent coffee.

“What would you like?” Cas asked him, eyes still filled with a sparkle that only comes from gaining something you thought you lost.

“Uh.” He thought about it for a moment, almost considering branching out into the unexplored terrain that was the dark green menu with small, white text, before shuddering at the thought.

“I think I'll take that expensive black coffee I didn't get earlier.”

Dean was not going to turn into one of those people, if he had any say about it.

Cas walked into the line, leaving Dean to scan the room, furiously waving Sam over when his eyes found their booth.

“Sam.” He sounded like he was trying to whisper, but his volume raised far higher than that. The patron closest to Dean gave him a look before turning back to their work.

“Sam, come here, it's urgent.” His brother turned to look at him, rolling his eyes before getting out of the booth.

“What do you want?” He said once he reached Dean.

“Sam. Help. What do I do?”

“About what?”

“About what kind of coffee Cas is having.”

“Oh god, Dean let it go. He's not going to only ever drink black coffee. Contrary to popular belief, former angels do actually have souls.”

Dean ignored the implications that he didn't have a soul, too distracted by Cas. “But look.” He motioned his head towards where Cas was standing, next in line to order. “He’s eyeing the weird fruity drinks.”

“Dean. It's Cas. The man’s favorite food is PB&J. What did you expect him to have, taste?”

“Alright that's rich coming from mister Pinkity Drinkity or whatever the fuck.”

“You walked into a Starbucks and ordered black coffee, I don't think I'm the wrong one here.”

“Wait, wait. Shut up. Quiet.” He hit Sam on the shoulder in a childish attempt at getting him to stop talking so he could listen.

“Ow. That hurt.” Sam muttered, before turning to watch Cas, which Dean was already doing.

“I would like to try a…” Cas methodically scanned the menu again. “A ‘Passion Tango Iced Tea,’ please.” The barista took no mind to the excessive air quotes.

“It's not even coffee.” Dean said to Sam, clearly distraught. He turned to look back at Cas.

“And your name sir?”

“Lizzo.”

Dean threw his arms up into the air. “I can't believe this is the man I love.” His voice cracked like he was holding in tears of anguish from listening to Cas order.

Sam just rolled his eyes at the theatrics. Right, and he’s the dramatic one.

“Aw. You're in love.” Sam held his hands up, forming a heart and mocking his brother.

“Oh shut up. What are you, seven?”

“Is Cas your gay thing?”

“You shut your mo-”

“What are we gossiping about?” Eileen whispered, cutting Dean off and causing them both to jump.

“We're not gossiping.” Sam said indignantly.

“Sam started it.”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

“This is where I call you two ‘asshats’, right?”

“It's ‘assbutt.’” Cas said, walking up to them and catching the tail end of their conversation. “And that's my line.”

Cas handed them each their drinks, before excitedly trying his own. He put the plastic cup up to his mouth, almost missing the straw. When he swallowed the cranberry-colored liquid, his face relaxed in pleasure.

“I know this one isn't coffee, but it's really good.”

“We didn't get coffee either.” Eileen said. “So don't worry, Dean's the odd man out here.”

Dean glared at her before trying his own coffee, and well, it was coffee. The point of buying expensive caffeine still went straight over his head.

The four of them went over to their thankfully-still-available booth and sat down. Dean and Cas sat on one side, both instinctively choosing the side that faced the door, with Sam and Eileen sliding into the seats directly across from them. They sat there, talking about nothing in particular, and certainly nothing of importance, before falling into the natural art of storytelling.

Aside from killing monsters, that’s what hunters did best. Sitting around and sharing stories. As tiring and dangerous as their lives were, some hunts were worth sharing exaggerated and hyperbolic versions of, especially over drinks.

Sam’s favourite story to tell changed every time, and one would almost be inclined to believe that most of it wasn't real, but the wildest parts also caused the most merriment. (Dean pretended he hadn’t witnessed the whole thing, sparing Sam by not telling the other two how it actually went down.)

Eileen shared of her time in Ireland. “Foreign country, foreign monsters.” She said with a wink, telling of creatures neither Sam nor Dean had even read about.

Dean’s favourite story to tell, aside from the fact that he killed Hitler, was the time he got to solve a mystery with everyone’s favorite talking dog. And yeah, all three of the people that sat at the table had heard both many times before, but that didn't matter, it was still enrapturing to hear them again.

Cas had millenniums to choose from, but always found the most interesting hunts to be the ones with the Winchesters. He also had many hilarious stories about his adventures with Crowley, but he was less fond of those.

“I remember once, Dean went on a hunt with Dad.” Sam started. “Nasty vampire, it got a hit or two on Dean. I think you guys went with another hunter. Young. About your age, actually. Uh…”

He snapped his fingers, trying to recall the name. “Lee. That's it.” Dean looked up from the coffee right as Sam said it. “Do you remember him?”

Something flashed in Dean’s eyes, but his brother didn't seem to notice.

Cas, who was used to admiring every minute detail of Dean's expression and posture, didn't miss the ever so slight, yet sharp, inhale. Or the way he swallowed before speaking, trying to clear the small lump from his throat.

Dean noticed too, internally rolling his eyes at his own reaction.

“Yeah it's been a while, but I remember him.” Dean was blatantly ignoring Cas’s burning stare from beside him, and the fact that he had stabbed Lee through the chest just last year.

Cas made sure no one was watching before gently placing a hand on Dean’s thigh. Knowing it would comfort him from both intuition and experience. Dean stiffened under the touch, but after realizing no one could see where Cas’s hand was, he visibly relaxed.

“What happened to him?” Eileen asked innocently.

“Oh uh, a hunt I think. Most of us go that way, I assume he was no different.” Technically Dean dealt the final blow, but it was the entrancing call of the monster, greed, and the life Lee and Dean had both secretly wanted, that caused his former-friend’s downfall in the end.

“Yeah.” Sam said solemnly, suddenly lost in his own thoughts, most of which were riddled with grief.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, letting the weight of their many losses wash over them like a tidal wave.

One made of espresso and milk rather than the rough waters of the sea.

---

The ride back was more manageable, Dean allowing them one song choice each, complete with a warning to pick wisely.

(They all very cheekily chose the songs they knew would bother Dean the most.)

---

Full on coffee, cookies Dean bought for them at Starbucks, and brimming with contentment, (as well as the fact that they spent half the day in the car), Cas suggested to Dean that they “hit the hay” as they stepped back into the bunker.

They laid there in silence, breathing in scents of comfort, coffee, and each other, until Cas eventually drifted off to sleep.

Dean, however, continued to lay there. Thinking.

He remembered the first solo case John sent him on.

Something curled inside his gut.

They had been two nuns, their fate a product of hate crime. Put to death for simply being themselves.

Dean didn't blame them for coming back as ghosts.

He remembered the words - ones he would soon learn were slurs - that John would spit out like acid.

Or offhandedly toss like they didn't bear enough weight to shatter the window of a person's self-image.

It had taken him almost forty years to realize that very same window inside of him was in sharp, jagged pieces. Cutting anyone and everyone who came near.

It had taken Cas dying to start picking them up again.

He turned to look at the man next to him, relaxed and blissfully sleeping. His chest moved up and down rhythmically, and Dean slowed his breath to match until he fell into a surprisingly peaceful slumber.

---

When Dean woke up, the other side of his bed was cold.

He didn't panic, knowing full well that Cas probably ran to the bathroom, or was pouring another mountain of sugar in his coffee.

Losing Cas again to the Empty had ripped him apart, but months of spending every night with his partner left him with less nightmares and waking in cold sweats then he had since before Hell.

Dean also learned that his own presence was enough to fight off the demons of solid, black goo that plagued Cas’s head at night.

He was finally starting to understand why life seemed to lose all meaning when Cas was gone, and from there he could slowly start to rebuild both of them.

Dean heard soft padding noises as socked feet walked down the hall, and there was a knock on the bedroom door. "S'your room too, Cas. You don't have to knock." He laughed, words slightly slurred from just waking up

Cas walked in, wielding two mugs of coffee and a proud look shining in his eyes. “I made us coffee.” He said triumphantly, handing one of the mugs to Dean.

“I put chocolate and peppermint in your coffee.”

Dean fake-gasped. “You monster. Ruining the integrity of my drink like that.”

“I'm a human, you ass.” Cas responded, a smile tugging at his lips. “Besides, I know you liked mine yesterday.”

“I did not.” He said, discontentedly crossing his arms. “I only drink coffee that's as black as my soul. Darker than the night sky. Hotter than the bunker’s computer when it overheats. As manly as-”

“Oh, just drink your damn coffee.”

“Fine.” He groused. “But I'm not enjoying it.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at him, before setting his mug on the bedside table and sitting down behind Dean. The bed creaked underneath him as he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. “Is this why you and Sam never use umbrellas?” He joked.

Dean laughed.

Cas rested his head on the crook of Dean’s neck and whispered. “You know you don't have to pretend.”

“Pretend what?” Dean asked softly.

“You know.”

“That I don’t like flavoured coffee?” He said with a snort.

“Sort of.” Cas hugged him tighter. “No one’s going to think any less of you Dean. You’re allowed to like the things you like.”

“I know.” He resigned.

“John isn't here anymore.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I know.” The words barely came out as a whisper, hot tears betraying Dean’s eyes as they silently leaked out and ran down his cheeks.

He tried to wipe the tears away, hearing his Dad’s voice in his head and knowing he was being stupid.

Dean couldn't help but think of himself as a small, living-room window, from an old, dilapidated house. Stained yellow with age. Cracking from wear.

He let the drumming of his Dad’s words in his head be drowned out by Cas’s voice.

He couldn't unwrap the fuzz from around him, so he didn't know what Cas was saying, ears seemingly filled with cotton. It was just the knowledge alone that he was there. That he was holding him and whispering comforting words into his ear. That even as a human he could heal Dean at his lowest points, and still see him as the brightest, strongest, soul.

You don't really know what a picture is going to be until it's done.

Maybe that window is a beautiful stained-glass portrait.

“Uh.” Dean cleared his throat. “What-what do you have?” He indicated Cas’s coffee by angling his head towards where it sat on the nightstand.

“I made iced coffee.”

Dean just looked at him, astounded, eyes widening. “You mean it’s not hot?”

“Yes, that's where the ‘iced’ in ‘iced coffee’ comes from.” He said very seriously.

They both sat in silence for the next hour, peacefully drinking their coffee and enjoying the presence of one another.

---

When they got out of bed and ventured into the rest of the bunker, they found Sam and Eileen in the library.

They were sitting in adjacent chairs, with Eileen laying her head on Sam’s shoulder and reaching for her water bottle on the table. They were reading a book together, but Eileen shook Sam indicating she had seen them walk in.

“Goodmorning.” She greeted cheerfully.

“Mornin’.” Dean pulled up a chair across from them, and watched as Cas did the same.

“What are you two reading?” Cas asked.

“The Men of Letters’s Bestiary.” Sam said.

Dean snorted. “Ah. Doing a little light reading are we?”

“We're thinking about filling in some of the pages.” Eileen added.

“Yeah, for all of the stuff they have here, it's surprisingly empty.” Sam continued flipping through some of the pages, most of which were blank.

“Heh. I should put you in that thing, Cas.”

Cas let out a laugh. “Right. Because I’m a good example of an angel.” The sarcasm was masking something else in his voice.

“If it makes you feel any better, you’ve always been my favourite angel.” Dean only realised how sappy he sounded after it came out of his mouth.

“Yeah, I’ve heard the rest of them are dicks.” Eileen added.

Cas smiled at that, seemingly back to normal.

“Right, well you three can do that, I'm off to the Dean Cave.”

“Or…” Sam started.

“We could go back to Starbucks.” Cas finished, nodding his head enthusiastically.

“Yeah... that's not where I was going with that, but I like where your head’s at, Cas. We should definitely go back.”

“Eileen?” He asked.

“Hell yeah.”

“Dean?”

Dean pressed his mouth into a thin line and glared at him. “Yes, sure, fine. But we're not making this a daily thing.”

“That's fair.” Cas agreed. “It's probably not very healthy.”

He went to grab his wallet and keys before Sam could start his speech on the nutritional value of green things, and Eileen snatched her water bottle off the library table as they all got up to leave.

---

Dean gave up on letting them choose the music after snickering and requesting “Friday” by Rebecca Black for the third time in a row.

(It wasn't even Friday?)

---

Dean stepped out and closed Baby’s door in the parking lot of Starbucks an hour later, kicking the loose pieces of gravel on the asphalt for the third time in two days.

“We might as well just live here.” He said, tone dripping with sarcasm.

“I wouldn't make that offer if I were you, Cas looks like he’d be totally on board.” Sam laughed.

Cas went and stood beside Dean as they started walking towards the building, smiling.

“What?” Dean asked, question genuine and free of all malice.

“Nothing.” Cas answered, smile not faltering.

His eyes revealed nothing but pure devotion for the man he was staring at. A silent promise, one without pressure, that he would be standing there, and Dean could take the leap anytime he wanted.

Dean was slowly inching towards the end of the diving board.

---

“I think I'll just drink my water.”

“Oh that's exciting.” Sam joked. “If I got you a lemon to go with it, would you be able to handle that?”

“Don't talk to me about my drink, when yours is a vivid green puke colour.”

“Hey, at least it actually has a colour. And a flavour at that.”

Dean couldn’t believe those words were coming from the same man who drinks exactly a hundred and one ounces of water a day. (Which, according to Sam, is the recommended amount for males, as stated by the Institute of Medicine.)

(Dean didn’t care.)

“Fine then.” She turned to look at Dean. “Get me the strongest thing on the menu.”

Dean laughed before turning to Cas. “Let's just go get in line before we suffer at the hands of the Leahy like Sam.”

Sam and Eileen went to look for a place where they could all sit again, playfully bickering the entire way.

While he was standing in line with Cas, Dean looked over at his brother, and found him and Eileen sitting at a small table in the corner.

Cas was still helping him learn ASL, so he caught parts of their conversation.

“If Jack is in every drop of rain, do you think he's in your water?” Sam signed, trying to contain his laughter.

Eileen pushed her water away with a look of disgust. “You’re lucky I love you.” She answered back.

“I know I am.”

He watched her silently laugh before turning back to look at Cas.

They really did have it good, didn't they?

“What are you ordering, Dean?”

Dean stood there silently, contemplating. He internally weighed his pros and cons, mind leaving the menu entirely. While there was still a lot of shit he had to work through, (shit he had been actively not working out his entire life), there wasn’t much of a decision to be made.

He would always choose Cas.

“You know what?” He reached out and grasped Cas’s hand firmly. “I was thinking about being less boring. What ingredients do you suggest I try?”

Cas smiled warmly, reaching the crinkled corners of his eyes. “They have a cinnamon flavoured one. That’ll be almost like apple pie.”

“Will it really?” Dean’s tone was dismissive, but there was a smile on his face.

“Yes, Sam told me.“

“Not that I trust Sam’s judgment, but okay, I think I’ll take one of those.”

“I'm going to have a real pumpkin spice latte this time.” Cas seemed very pleased with the aspect of buying something they could make it home, but Dean wasn't going to fault him for it.

The patron in front of them finished ordering, clearing the way for Cas and Dean. The barista from the first time they went caught sight of them and made a face. “Wait a minute. I think I know you two.”

“Yes, we came here yesterday.” Cas helped. “Well, we actually visited twice, but you weren't working the second time.”

“Right... John and John, how could I forget?”

“This time we're ordering for four though.”

“I would like a…” Dean squinted at the menu, looking for the cinnamon flavoured coffee. “‘Cinnamon Dolce Latte.’ And my devilishly handsome friend here will take the pumpkin spice version.”

“And what are the other two drinks and names?”

Dean whispered something in Cas’s ear. “I'll drink the coffee, but I won't budge on this one.”

“That's okay Dean, you’ll get there eventually.” He whispered back.

The barista looked unimpressed with them. Again.

Dean cleared his throat. “Ahem, sorry. The tall one with the stupidly long hair,” he pointed towards Sam, “is getting…” he trailed off before looking to Cas for help.

“I don't know, man. It was something sickly looking. Cold? Green? Possibly tea?”

“And Iced Green Tea Latte?” The barista suggested.

“That's the one. His name is Jimmy.”

“And the lovely lady sitting next to him would like the strongest drink you have. Her name is Robert.”

“Her name is Robert…?” He slowly pointed towards Eileen, sounding unsure of himself.

Or them.

“Yup.” Cas said.

Eileen gave a little wave from across the room.

He gritted his teeth in a very clearly fake smile. “Coming right up.”

They paid for their coffee and picked it up, taking the travel cups across the room and towards Sam and Eileen.

Cas took a sip from his pumpkin spice latte, gleefully smiling. “As much as I like trying different drinks, I think I might start just getting this one. It's my favourite.”

Sam leaned over to Dean, neither one taking their eyes off of Cas. “Should we tell him the drink is seasonal?” He glanced at Sam, before staring back at his partner, whose face was beaming like a literal ray of sunshine.

Dean’s face softened. “Nah. Let’s not ruin his moment.” He took a sip of his cinnamon coffee and damn, it was delicious.

Nothing at all like apple pie, but still delicious.

Cas walked over to him, making eye contact in a silent question. Dean nodded with a small smile, and Cas took his hand.

“I love you.” Cas whispered.

“I love you too.” He whispered back.

They didn’t whisper to hide, and it wasn't because he was ashamed. It was because that exchange was just for them.

Dean leaned in and softly kissed Cas.

Now that was to tell everyone in the shop that his devilishly handsome friend was spoken for.

Slowly, the sun would come out and shine through the stained-glass window, shadow portraying the picture of an angel.

And alright, fine, Dean could admit that he enjoyed the peppermint mocha.

He thought about it for a moment, before giving a light chuckle, realising something.

“What?” Cas asked, turning to look at him with a soft smile resting on his face.

“Nothing.” Dean whispered, squeezing Cas’s hand in his. He took a sip from his coffee, relishing in the warm and cozy flavour enrapturing his tongue.

He was only thinking that maybe, just maybe,

Cas had changed him too.

---

Bonus Epilogue:

Dean held the glass door open for the other three, and they all walked out onto the asphalt, laughing, and making their way towards Baby.

The street lamp overhead flickered, and all four of them froze.

“Did anyone happen to get the salted caramel macchiato?” Dean whispered.

---

-This fic on Ao3 (Kudos and comments would be greatly appreciated.)

-Writing Tag

-Ao3

-Request fics/drabbles/ficlets. (Please)

[sasster]

HELLO MY NAME IS CHASE TODAY I REALIZED I NEVER MENTIONED ANY OF MY ALIEN OCS FOR THE SPECIES I WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO.

Tbh now that I’m doing this I noticed that I don’t really have any Geruginga, Reenait, or Plulea ocs that I’m ready to share publicly.

So this will be about my Isopod and Cardali ocs.

(im working on a google docs version please don’t roast me)

Isopods: an insectoid race, they are known for their engineering capabilities.

Soaren > An architect that kind of has a hard time connecting with other people. Especially people outside of their own race. They spend much of their time either building something, or watching videos on how to build something. They don’t typically engage with people outside of their family unless forced, you know how it is.

Kale > Soarens baby brother! He's just a ball of sunshine, he's recently gone through one of many isopod rite of passages -- When you find and hone your skill, you gift your first project to someone who either means a whole lot to you or helped you hone that skill. He just got into pottery!!! :-) He's gonna be an expert sculptor one day.

Celeste > I have not a lot on her but she does origami and paper crafts like that. Which she kind of hates because it's not "real work" in her own eyes, but she is supported by her friends and family, so it's kind of a self doubt thing el oh el.

Cardali are a peaceful and knowledge seeking race, they are essentially shapeshifting space goo and the closest things to Gods as we might know them.

Diollea, Valias, Inoirae, and Axenas are all gods, they already have their own theology posts so I won’t dwell on them for too long.

Inohredíe >They're a baby! They're one of many Cardali who were born like off world and don't really know whats what about being a Cardali. By Cardali standards they're a baby, but they're like 40-50 human years old (Cardali live a LOOOOng time. longer than you're thinking) They're still learning how to be! They just learned how to shapeshift I love them a lot.

Deas'Illy/Bellator > She is the Divine Right Hand to the Goddess Inoirae. That's just fancy speak for she works for God, and she's specifically in charge of Cardaliths "Invasion Specialists". Basically her job is to train up her branch of the military and help thwart invasions. Like literally just protecting other planets from Empire Like alien species that like to invade and shit. She also finds it difficult to connect with people, but she does her best too. She's kind of envious of her brothers ability to just fucking DO IT without thinking about it ||

Liam > He's Bella brother! He works with the information gathering part of the "military" it's not even consider military ANYWAY. He travels across the universe and just learns about the locals and life there. The "crew" he's part of is basically like.. The first step of "Cardali Intervention" wherei t's like if they run across something fucked up (a planet of people enslaved to another species, planets ravaged by war, etc) they can like reported it back and be like hey uhm... Some fucking SHIT is going on here. And that starts the ball rolling and stuff. He's pretty sweet and kind of always in the mood to make a new friend. You know that type of guy? Who is just always friendly and has some kind input to give? Yeah he's that guy. 

Noelaeti > Or better known as “Bigger Star” is a Cardalith Roboticist, pretty straight forward. They build robots and other AI adjacent things. Unlike most (homeworld born) roboticists, Noelaeti has taken to traveling the the unvierse with one of their “younger brothers”. They don’t really engage with people outside of their family, either, and tend to keep mostly to their work while their brother trapezes around the universe making friends.

Ralzeame > the Divine Right Hand to the god Valias, unlike Bella, Amy’s job is right at home. They are responsible for making sure any refugee or other alien denizens of Cardalith get acclimated and accommodated for, they spend much of their time getting to know and working with people from war torn planets or who have outright gotten their homes destroyed. With a crew, of course, because no one can actually do that work alone lmao. They are considered an ambassador in many rights. They don’t do al ot of things outside of work, which is why Valias has ordered they take an extended vacation effective immediately! (Ugh, they just wanna go home)

Thiosellia > Have you ever met a baby that was also a God? Well now you have. They aren’t really like RP-able because they are literally an infant. I just want you guys to know that there is a God Baby and their name is Thiosellia. Thank you so much for coming to my TED talk

~HONORABLE MENTION~

Star > Now I know what you’re thinking. Chase, dude. Star is a human. Correct! But he, along with his two older brothers, were raised on Cardalith. He is a roboticist by hobby, but by trade he does much the same as Liam, and if you guessed that he was Noelaeti’s “younger brother”, you were right! He’s very charming and charismatic. We love star! Also he knows about six alien languages. What. The. Fuck!

[fattywrites]

Cheap, Simple Recipes

So I’ve put together 10 of my cheapest recipes. Each one - according to my grocery costs - runs about ~$5 to feed ~6 people (or one very, very hungry fatty). 

1. cabbage and sausage >>put like half a stick of butter in a pan (this is necessary). Get in melting. Go in with a sliced onion and one of those rul cheap smoked sausage links cut into slices (I cut mine super thin so that I get more bites of sausage). When the sausage is looking brown and the onions are soft, hit it with an entire head of cabbage. You can cut the cabbage how you want to. Sometimes I slice it thin like slaw, and this only takes like 40 minutes. Other times I cut it in bite-size squares, and this takes an hour and a half. It’s up to you. Anyway throw a whole head of cabbage sans core in there. If you can barely stir the pan, you’re doing it right. Season with seasoned salt or creole seasoning (or regular salt, I guess) and let it cook covered low and slow, stirring it like every 10-15 minutes until the cabbage is all softened and buttery and your mouth is watering. I honestly make this like every two weeks cuz it’s life, so be warned, it’s addictive.

2. haluski >>Shred an entire head of cabbage and start melting some butter in a rul big sautee pan. When the butter’s melted throw in the cabbage. You can also throw in a sliced onion if you want. Don’t forget to salt and pepper (I use creole seasoning, keep in interesting). Get that going. Heat a pot of salted water (I use creole seasoning to salt the water, too. No chill) to a boil while the cabbage is going. Add in a bag of egg noodles to the water, cook & drain them. The cabbage should be ready. Add in the egg noodles. Carefully fry them up with the cabbage, adding more butter if you need to. Once it’s getting a little crispy, take it off the heat and serve.

3. congris >>I’m going to be honest, I have about 7 different recipes for congris and I don’t remember which one is my favorite so I’m going to give you 2 options Option one: drain a can of black beans over a measuring cup. Get a sauce pot hot with some coconut oil, fry up a lil garlic, a small onion, and like half of a green bell pepper. Add in 2 cups rice and fry it in the oil for 3 mins (I actually set a timer cuz I’m bad at noticing when the rice is toasted). Hit it with the beans, then take your measuring cup to your water supply and fill it to the 3 cup mark (move fast don’t burn your rice). Add the water in (stand back it’s gone bubble up). Mix it. Season it with EITHER adobo seasoning OR a chicken bouillon cube (Maggi is the best ijs). Add a touch of oregano. Bring it to the boil, boil it until the water’s looking kind of evaporated and you can see the rice, then cover it, drop it to low, and let it steam for 30 minutes. You actually want the rice to be dry not sticky, and for there to be a crust on the bottom of the pan. Option two: drain a can of black beans over a measuring cup. Get a sauce pot hot with some coconut oil and fry up like a 1/4 or a 1/3 cup of sofrito (the green one. It has a different name in the grocery store but literally everyone I know whose latinx calls them both sofrito lmao). This is not going to take long. Add in your 2 cups rice, toast it 3 minutes. Add the black beans in. Fill your bean-juice filled cup up to 3 cups, add it in. Use EITHER adobo seasoning to taste OR add a chicken cube (Maggi is best). Boil it until the extra water has evaporated off, drop it to low-low and cover it, let it cook 30 minutes until the rice is cooked by dry and there’s a crust on the bottom of the pan.

4. split pea soup >>Heat your oil of choice in the bottom of a pot, then add in some onion, garlic, a carrot cut into pieces, and if you have any, some sweet pepper. Let it cook a little. Wash and drain 2 cups (or a 1lb bag) of split peas. Add them in. Cover in water, add in chicken bouillon for your salt, then throw in a leftover steak bone. Cook for 2-3 hours or until the peas have turned to mush. Can be eaten on its own but I like to crumble a piece of corn bread in the bottom of my bowl and then ladle the soup over it, oh ma god.

5. bacon beans >>Cut up like half a package to a full package of bacon and fry them in your soup pot. When the fat is rendered out, add in 1-2 jalepenos diced finely with their membranes and seeds removed (you can put the seeds if you want but that’ll make this rul spicy). Wash and sort 2 cups or a 1 lb bag of dry pinto beans (no soaking required). Add them into the pot when the bacon’s looking incredible, then add enough water to cover the beans by like an inch. Add a chicken bouillon cube and about 1/3 cup of red salsa (whatever’s in your fridge is fine). Mix it up, and cook it covered (or uncovered if it looks soupy) for a few hours. It’s done when the beans are soft and tender and when your entire house smells so good you don’t even know what to do about it. Like the split pea soup, I usually serve this over a crumbled up slice of corn bread.

6. ham and peas >>Dice up a package of fully cooked ham (you can use those precut ham chunks, you can use a ham slice, you can use ham slices for sandwiches if that’s all you have, you can also use smoked sausage cut in quarters and diced or hot dogs diced up, I won’t tell on you lol). Add a good amount of butter to a sauce pan, add some sliced garlic, put it on medium heat, go in with your ham and sautee it. When it’s starting to get brown, add in a bag of frozen peas. Let it heat through and mix around until the peas are that gorgeous bright green color they get. Then take it off the heat. This literally takes like 10 minutes.

7. pasta e ceci >>fun fact, I got this recipe from my Italian Renaissance history professor. This dish predates the use of tomatoes in Italy and it was a staple dish among the peasants. Put some olive oil in a pan. Slice up a few garlic cloves, put them in the cold oil, then turn the heat on. Once that’s sizzling dump in a can of chickpeas with their juices. Add a little bit more water to make sure they’re covered, change the heat to high. Add adobo seasoning (or salt, I guess) and like a half tablespoon of dried rosemary depending on how old your rosemary is. Let it boil for like 5 minutes, then mash 1/2-3/4 of the chickpeas. Add in 2 cups of a small pasta shape - elbows, shells, bowties, etc - then add enough water to cover the pasta by like an inch. Still on high heat, cook it, stirring occasionally, until the pasta is done and the chickpea sauce is thicc. This takes about 15 minutes but it also depends on how much water you add and I am a lawless hellion who doesn’t measure things so I can’t help you there. This tastes amazing asf though.

8. beans and greens >>Soake a 1lb bag of washed/sorted white beans the night before.Day of, add garlic to a good amount of butter or olive oil in a soup pot, then heat it. Water your outdoor plants with the bean water, then add the beans to the pot and add fresh water to cover the beans by an inch or two. Add in some chicken bouillon as salt, a can of diced tomatoes, some herbs (I like italian seasoning here), a little red pepper flake, and lots of black pepper. If you have any old hard cheese rinds, add it in here, too. Cook it for like 2 hours until the white beans get rul thicc and break down. Then add some finely sliced dark, leafy greens and let them break down (if you’re using collards just add them when you add the beans, btw. But I typically use a bag of frozen kale cuz it’s already cut small asf). Also this might take a lot longer than 2 hours to cook if you have old beans, fair warning. After the greens are tender, the soup is done. As a Next Level flavoring, if you have miso paste on hand and you mix a little in at the end it takes this soup to the next level. This is definitely optional, though.

9. john bisseti >>This is another old family recipe from my great-grandmother during the Great Depression. One time her sister published the recipe and she didn’t talk to her for a few years. My great-grandmother passed away like 40 years ago but I don’t want to be haunted so I’ve adapted this from her original a little, it is not the recipe I use. Brown a package of ground sausage with green pepper, onion, and celery, and cook a bag of egg noodles. Mix up a can of condensed tomato soup. Grease a 9x13 baking dish. Add half the noodles, then add half the sausage mix. Add the rest of the noodles, then add the rest of the meat. Sprinkle shredded cheese on top, then pour the soup mix over everything. Bake at 375 for 1 hour. You want the noodles at the top to be crisp and crunchy.

10. kimchi soup >>This isn’t authentic at all but it’s friggin delicious and I highly recommend it. Heat oil in the bottom of a soup pot. Sautee a sliced smoke sausage link and the white parts from a full bunch of green onions. If you want to splurge for mushrooms, dice some up and add those as well. Once it’s a bit brown, go in with a jar of kimchi that’s already cut up. If you don’t want this to clear your sinuses I recommend draining the brine off* first. Saute it a little bit, then add an entire head of cabbage cut in bite-size pieces (shredded, square, your choice). If it’s hard to mix, you’re doing it right. Season with adobo or creole seasoning or salt--kimchi is salty so don’t use too much, and especially if you put the brine it, you may not need to add salt at all. Let it go on low like 20 minutes, then go mix it up so your sausage doesn’t burn. Then cook the shit out of it. Low and slow for like 2-3 hours. You shouldn’t need to add any liquid beyond what cooks out of the cabbage. Just before serving add in all the green parts from your green onion bundle. This soup is the best.

PROTIP: you can reserve the kimchi brine (or the brine of any pickles you like) in a jar, add in freshly cut vegetables, put it back in the fridge, and in a few days you can enjoy refrigerator pickles.

[wanderingpages]

Anon M (CEO AU) Part 1 (Im sorry for doing this to you)

(My [wanderingpages] responses are in this color!)

First and foremost, I apologize for making you do this, peach.

CEO AU Part 1 thoughts

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh Im so excitedddddddddd

Starting off strong, as always

“CEO of Greenbriar Industries, of course” what of course, jude I wasn’t able to make that connection on my first read (but it’s in the title lol)

OH THEYRE BOTH ADULTS THANK FUCKING GOD (😭😭😭)

Butterflies for CEO Cardan are already in my poor stomach

GEEZ CARDAN WE JUST STARTED YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE THIS SEXY

“Cancel It.” “wtf man WAIT DON’T DROP THOSE oh my fucking god DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO ORGANIZE THOSE” “I don’t care, do a better job next time” (icons being icons)

Oh jude you are TOTALLY working for the devil (he’s an angel)

Ew who would choose kale over pizza (no offense to anyone who cant eat pizza)

Wtf did balekin do here again (never stated yet! Later plot)

I am going to pretend that idk whats gonna happen next because ive forgotten like half this shit

I kinda want to see her kick him in the balls (me too. So many missed opportunities tbh)

CEO CARDAN BEST CARDAN

(except for canon lol I really love him)

June lol

MARRIAGE LOL

Okay cardan could’ve been less blunt ill give jude that (lol ngl... All my au Cardans are blunt 🤷🏻��♀️ character trait that transcends)

HAHAHAHAH IT HAPPENED

Nis gasps

Orlagh gasps

Jude chokes (someone in the distance, probably oak, “what do you mean someone shot archduke Franz Ferdinand?!”)

Jude wanting the cute umbrella is peak fleshing out of her character peach you are a GODDESS

The audacity lol

The be happy im laughing and not screaming lol

BOOP

“don’t tell my fiancé. Hes also my boss.” Peach you have already reached peak romance I love you (can’t believe this is my take on romance)

Mrs Jude Cardan Greenbriar Duarte this is great

CEO CARDAN SPLUTTERING IN CONFUSION sobs this is why I love him (bc jude said: choke me like you choke me when you choke me ~ uwu 😌🌸)

YES FIRE VALERIAN GET THAT CREEP OUT (hes not the creep here) (he’s the only one not on drugs in this fic, everyone else is on ketamine. And that’s on [CEO AU] canon 🙈😌)

This is already steamier than dark au just saying (ive got an obvious favourite im kinda biased, as if yall couldn’t tell) (lmao DARK ACTUALLY HAS A PLOT LEAVE MY PROBLEM CHILD ALONE)

Okay if someone proposed to me like that id say yes

She actually tries to kill him in the morning I think

END OF THOUGHTS

Lolololol im loving this

Im loving doing this

I am praying to you (hahaha thank you for entertaining me 🥲 abt time the table have turned 😌😌😌)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH CEO CARDAN

[heroesmusings]

FULL NAME: Clinton Francis Barton 

MEANING: Settlement on a hill

NICKNAME: Clint

MEANING: It’s just a shorter version of his name 

AGE APPEARANCE: Appears 30, actually 33

BIRTHDAY: September 7th, 1987

ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Virgo

SPECIES: Human

GENDER: Cis male

ALLERGIES: None

SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Bisexual

THEME SONG(S): Wine Red by The Hush Sound, Raising Hell by Kesha, Church by Fall Out Boy, Angel in Blue Jeans by Train

APPEARANCE

HAIR COLOR:  Dirty Blonde to Brown

HAIR STYLE AND LENGTH: Short 

EYES COLOR: Blue

EYESIGHT: 20/20, he’s a BIRD BOY

HEIGHT: 6″3′

WEIGHT: 200 lbs

OUTFIT/CLOTHING STYLE: For missions he wears his uniform but on days off its just jeans and a shirt

ABNORMALITIES: Deaf 

DISTINGUISHING MARKS(SCARS,MOLES): He’s got scars on both ears from the hole to neck, 6 gunshot wounds, knife scars

SELF CARE(MAKE UP): Clint washes his face once in a blue moon and at times has a beard

FIRST IMPRESSION ON PEOPLE: He’s pretty friendly, a bit on the joking and sarcastic side 

SKIN COLOR: White

BODY TYPE/BUILD: Broad shouldered, a big muscular build 

DEFAULT EXPRESSION: Always a bit of a cocky smirk on his face

POSTURE: He stands with a little bit of more weight on his left side

PIERCINGS: One hole in his left ear

DESCRIBE THEIR VOICE: Clint’s voice is a little on the higher end for a man of his stature, it’s a big rugged and can sometimes be a bit slow with a twang 

RELATIONS:

MOM: Edith Barton

HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: Clint was a momma’s boy, very close to his mother the two had a close bond

DAD: Harold Barton

HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: His father was abusive they did not get along at all, Clint was always the problem child

SIBLINGS: Barney Barton

HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: Before the circus, Barney and Clint were two peas in a pod, they stuck together through it all but after the circus Clint cannot stand his brother

CHILDREN: N/A

HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: N/A

OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS: N/A

PAST LOVER(S): Bobbi Morse (ex-wife), Laura (ex-girlfriend), Zelda DuBois [Princess Python] (ex-fling)

CURRENT LOVER: Natasha Romanoff 

REACTION TO MEETING SOMEONE NEW: Clint likes to find out what makes them tick, so he’s friendly, wants to get on their good side so he’ll know how to take them down if he has to 

ABILITY TO WORK WITH OTHERS: he’s…. Alright? He’ll work with people but complain about it in the process

HOW SOCIABLE(LONER,ETC): Clint likes his alone time but he’s pretty sociable 

FRIENDS: Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Wanda Maximoff, the rest of the avengers team

PETS: Lucky the yellow lab

LEAST FAVORITE TYPE OF PERSON: Anyone who mistakes her shyness for powerlessness 

PARENTAL TYPE(PROTECTIVE,ETC): Easy going and easily manipulated  

FAVORITE PEOPLE: Nat, Steve, Wanda

LEAST FAVORITE PEOPLE: Barney, anyone in the Circus of Crimes 

PERSONALITY:

..WHEN YOU FIRST MEET THEM: ? Talkative, Jokester, Obnoxious 

..AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY LIKE YOU): Joyful, Teasing, Easy going

..AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY DISLIKE YOU): Cold, Antagonistic, Rude 

FAVORITE COLOR: Purple 

FAVORITE FOOD: anything gross and greasy 

FAVORITE ANIMAL: shockingly not a hawk, he loves dogs

FAVORITE INSTRUMENT: Acoustic guitar 

FAVORITE ELEMENT: Air

LEAST FAVORITE COLOR: White

LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: Kale

LEAST FAVORITE ANIMAL: piranhas

LEAST FAVORITE INSTRUMENT: Trumpet

LEAST FAVORITE ELEMENT: Earth

HOBBIES: watching daytime television, sleeping, knitting, salsa dancing 

USUAL MOOD: Pretty jovial most of the time 

DRINK/SMOKE/DRUGS: Drinks socially 

DARK VERSION OF SELF: Ruthless, unforgiving, blinded by anger

LIGHT VERSION OF SELF: Carefree, the past doesn’t chase him anymore

HOW SERIOUS ARE THEY: Not very serious at all, unless it's a dire situation 

BELIEVE IN GHOSTS: No he doesn’t

(IN)DEPENDANT: Pretty independent unless its nat 

SOFT SPOT/VULNERABILITY: Messing with Nat, Talking about his father/home life

OPINION ON SWEARING: He’s got a filthy mouth

DAREDEVIL VS CAUTIOUS: DAREDEVIL 

MUSIC TYPE: Soft rock and anything acoustic 

MOVIE TYPE: Any sort of cheesy movie it doesn’t matter the genre 

BOOK TYPE: Clint doesn’t read all that much but maybe fantasy 

GAME TYPE: God ANY GAME, he’s a pro at them all

COMFORTABLE TEMPERATURE: Clint thrives in any temperature 

SLEEPING PATTERN: Clint sleeps where the fuck ever he can, anytime he can squeeze in a nap? He’s doing it

CLEANLINESS/NEATNESS: Clint gives no DAMNS about that stuff..

DESIRED PET: More puppies thanks 

HOW DO THEY PASS TIME: Sleeping or annoying Nat and Steve

BIGGEST SECRET: After SHIELD fell Clint doesn’t really have any secrets but he hasn’t told anyone his brother was there when the Swordsmen deafened him 

HERO/WHO THEY LOOK UP TO: Steve Rogers

WHAT ANIMAL WOULD THEY BE: a clingy puppy

FEARS: Something happening to Nat 

COMFORTS: Anytime Natasha is around, greasy food, training 

HOW DO THEY ACT WHEN THEY ARE:

SAD: Clint doesn’t like getting sad, so he often gets angry and frustrated when he’s sad. It’s from years of abuse because his father would mock him when he got sad so he doesn’t like getting sad… and at times he just disappears  

HAPPY: Clint is usually pretty happy, so that comes with smiles and jokes mostly. If he teases and jokes with you then he’s in a good mood

ANGRY: Angry clint is usually even more reckless, he doesn’t think he just attacks, he will take no prisoners at all 

AFRAID: Unless it’s Barney, Clint usually likes to face his fears head on -- tackle them right when he can so he can go into things unafraid.

LOVE SOMEONE: SOFT, clint is soft and doting, he loves to spoil and care for in any way he can. He’s protective and can be clingy 

HATE SOMEONE: Clint makes it clear, he doesn’t joke he doesn’t tease or anything. He’s barely even likes to talk to them much less

WANT SOMETHING: Clint goes for it, there has been so much in his life that he’s never been allowed to have -- so now he’s letting himself have what he wants 

CONFUSED: Clint is always confused okay 

HOW DO THEY REACT TO:

DANGER: Clint runs HEAD FIRST INTO DANGER BECAUSE HE’S AN IDIOT 

SOMEONE THEY HATE WHO HAS A CRUSH ON THEM: Clint would think its a joke honestly and when it isn’t a joke he’d avoid them 

PROPOSAL TO MARRY: Clint would be upset that Nat beat him to it because he’s been working on awhile to propose BUT he’d of course say yes and think of the memory fondly 

DEATH OF LOVED ONE: Clint would lose it, he wouldn’t be able to function any longer. He’d become cold and a hermit  

DIFFICULT GAME/MATH/ETC: He’d let Tony deal with it. 

INJURY: Clint would fucking laugh it off and act fine. But if it was Nat then he’d be obsessive until she gets help 

SOMETHING IRRESISTABLY CUTE: He’d take a photo and send it to Nat 

LOSS OF HOURS OF WORK: s l e e p

KNOWLEDGE:

LANGUAGES: English, ASL a bit of Russian

SCHOOLING LEVEL: Middle School

FAVORITE SUBJECT (S): Clint would rather dIE than tell anyone but he liked math 

INTERESTED CAREERS: N/A.

EXPERTISE: master archer/marksmen, expert tactician, acrobat and hand-to-hand combatant

PUZZLES: clint is SO GOOD AT PUZZLES, he can figure them out quick  

CHEMISTRY: clint likes both human and science. He likes the science part to design more arrows and the human part because he’s very in tune with people and their emotions 

MATH: Clint is WILDLY good at math, he has to be because he doesn’t miss a single shot. Everytime he shoots an arrow he has to include every variable possible 

ENGLISH: clint wasn’t all that interested in it 

GEOGRAPHY: he’s pretty good at it. 

POLITICS/LAW: Clint really isn’t all that into or interested in politics 

ECONOMY/ACCOUNTING: Again not into any of that 

COOKING: Clint can cook cereal and that’s about it 

SEWING: He’s good at basic medical and clothing sewing   

MECHANICS: Yes! He’s pretty good with cars and motorcycles  

BOTANY (FLOWERS): Not at all 

MYTHOLOGY: Looked into it when Thor showed up because Fury asked him too 

DRAMATICS(ACTING,SINGING): He used to be a spy so he’s a good actor  

READING LEVEL: Proficient 

HOW GOOD ARE THEY AT PLANNING AHEAD: ……...sorry Clint doesn’t know what that means 

ROMANCE:

DO THEY TAKE INITIATIVE: Yes all the time, anytime he can get his hands on Nat he will 

HOW DO THEY ACT(SHY,ETC): He thinks he’s smooth but boy’s an idiot and Nat makes his heart race 

GENTLEMAN/LADYLIKE VS KLUTZY: Oh Clint has plenty of gentelmany skills

GO SLOW VS JUMP INTO: WIth Nat? He wants to take things slow, he doesn’t wanna mess this up 

PROTECTIVE: HELL YEAH 

ACT LIKE FRIENDS OR LOVERS: Both 

WHAT KIND OF PRESENTS DO THEY BUY:ANYTHING THAT HE THINKS NAT WILL LIKE, he likes getting her pretty things to wear 

TYPE OF KISSER: Clint likes it soft and sweet or rough and biting there is not in between 

DO THEY WANT KIDS: not until recently  

DO THEY WANT TO MARRY: YES YES 

MAKE GOOD OR BAD DECISIONS: He’s a fucking fool so both, but he tries REALLY hard to make good choices 

ARE THEY ROMANTIC: yes he’s A SAP

HOW ARE THEY IN BED: Clint really lives to please Nat so he’s fucking great thanks

GET JEALOUS EASY: Nope, he knows that he and Nat are in it for good

WIFE/HUBBY BEATER: NEVER

MARRY FOR MONEY: LMAO NO 

FAVORITE POSITION: Clint loves being choked by her thighs or under her.. He really isn’t it picky as long as he’s with Nat

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN ON THEIR DREAM DATE: just a day in with Nat and they eat nasty foods together 

OPINION ON SEX: Sex didn’t always mean much to Clint, he used to sleep around often but with Nat it means a lot because there’s an actual connection there with her and he aims to make her feel good and have it be enjoyable

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 33-36

Chapter 33

So we’re back in Andi’s POV, finally. She’s woken up by Dex who is all worried and Andi vomits in his lap and then thinks about how sexy he is. Mind you, they are in a ship filled with corpses and there’s an unconscious and busted Valen near them who’s probably dying slowly, plus the vomit.

But I guess that just turns Andi on more? Discuss.

They find Valen barely alive among the corpses and Dex is surprised he’s not dead.

Hey bud. Didn’t you throw the guy down a flight of stairs a few chapters ago? I don’t think you’re in any position to make glib remarks, my guy.

Andi takes out the pilot with a shoelace, which, alright, and Dex says something about how she’s still afraid to fly a ship because she asks him to do it. Wow, an actual symptom of PTSD? In my Zenith? What a time to be alive. 

The chapter ends with Andi angsting about how she’s had to murder another person. Except she didn’t have to do that. She could’ve just knocked the pilot out and locked them in the storage with the other corpses to get rescued later. The pilot didn’t know there were live people on board so they wouldn’t know who attacked them anyway. I mean yeah they’d probably sustain brain damage but they wouldn’t be dead.

Methinks Andi really likes murder and justifies it to herself by saying it’s a necessity. 

Chapter 34

We’re in Dex’s POV and he’s complaining about how everything smells like trash on the Marauder now that Alfie took the door off the trash shoot. 

Hey. Hey why don’t you just ... blast it out? Like. Just shoot the trash out. Why do you store it on the ship that gets lighter and faster when you spend ammo? You’re in space. Just blast that shit. Or convert it into biofuel. Apparently it smells of “unmentionable” things so that makes me wonder if they store their actual shit in there as well? What the fuck is in their trash department that it smells so bad? If they can’t blast out the trash (which makes no sense), why didn’t they get rid of it when they were getting repairs before the mission? Why didn’t they get rid of it during the numerous times they’ve landed? Why the fuck does this ship have a dedicated trash department anyway? 

The little fire-haired gunner had wanted to know if the blood on Andi belonged to her or some “now-ball-less bastard,” to which the giantess had responded, Of course it’s not hers, Gil. And don’t say bastard. Say prick.

Comedy. 

Dex is being patched up by Alfie (who is described as “fawning” over his wounds, which doesn’t sound right), and thinks about how he’s gonna drink himself into oblivion later. Alcoholism? Love it. I bet Shinsay will know exactly how to handle this, with how many references their super cool and mature characters make to getting absolutely shitfaced.

Dex sulks himself out of the “med bay” (Why don’t these idiots have medical staff? For the same reason they don’t have mechanics I suppose.) to go and update General Cortas on their progress. 

The general is all grumpy and shit and reminds Dex that he’s in charge and can fuck him up good if anything happens to Valen, and tells him to keep Andi away from him. Because he thinks Andi will ... kill Valen too? I guess he thinks Andi is addicted to murdering his kids or smth. 

Anyway, Dex gets all mopey because the big scary man said some mean things but then he hears classical music and enters Andi’s room. It’s time for some bullshit, lads. 

Chapter 35

So finally we get the scene where Andi “dances” with the dead, which turns out to actually just happen in her head while she spaces out and cries. She imagines herself on a stage with an audience of ghosts of all the people she’s killed, and they come up and dance with her one by one and she “memorizes” their features. I’m not sure how she does that because the narration during action scenes keeps emphasizing how quick and cool she is so I have no idea how she can “memorize” the features of someone she’s probably only looked at for a couple of seconds at most. Also, I dunno why she’s memorizing something she clearly already remembers. I know it’s a nitpick but it’s just bad, y’all.

If this is supposed to be atonement ... God I hope it’s not. It’s honestly written like it makes Andi some sort of pure angel who just Does What She Has To, instead of just being a coping mechanism. Behold:

Tears streaked down Andi’s cheeks, pulling her from the vision she’d created so clearly in her mind. The music grew louder, silencing her tears. She closed her eyes and forced herself back into her mind. She owed this to the dead. This pain, this dance, this time where she gave herself fully to their memory.

Anyway, the last ghost is Kalee of course, and I’m not entirely sure how many people Andi’s killed if every single dance is as detailed and long as the ones with latest ghosts (the descriptions are quite lengthy so I assume it’s a couple of minutes or so), but it looks like Kalee’s ghost has to sit there and wait a while lmao. Even in death this brat can’t catch a break.

Sorry, I know I’m laughing at trauma here, but it’s not real trauma, it’s badly written melodramatic trauma. Like, I just don’t see someone who genuinely doesn’t like to murder people keep “crossing that line” (yes, apparently whenever Andi does a murder, she “crosses a line” she’s set for herself, wowza) and all they do for atonement is keeping a mental list and queue of all the fake made-up ghosts she needs to dance with. Like. I get that people cope differently but this is less of a coping mechanism and more Shinsay crossing shit off a list to make Andi more palatable.

I just don’t believe it. Not after I’ve seen how proud she is of being the Bloody Baroness and how Glorious it feels to Do A Murder.

Also, this chapter is rife with weird fucking grammar and writing in general. Some examples: 

[Kalee] was dressed in a shimmering blue gown that swirled around her ankles like fragments of cloud.

“Fragments of cloud”????

The transport creaked. Groaned, as the fire licked closer and closer.

Why did you. Break, the sentence up like that. 

The chapter ends with Dex giving Andi some time to pause her PTXD so they can have the talk she promised him. Which is nice of him, I guess. Despite being obnoxious and a dweeb, Dex manages to be better than every SJM love interest ever? Wow.

Oh but don’t you worry, it lasts uuuh until just now.

Chapter 36

Andi thinks about how sexie Dex is now that he’s washed the blood and vomit off and changed some clothes. Which ... there’s no mention of him doing since he returned from the corpse hauling ship ... The last chapter from his POV had him arriving at the Marauder and having his wounds checked, after which he instantly went to call General Cortas, and then he went directly to Andi. 

I guess he’s got time travel powers? Or are we supposed to believe he showered before being brought into the med bay?

Whatever. 

Dex says that Andi doesn’t know the “full story” behind the reason he turned her over to the Patrolmen, and Andi responds with:

“I loved you, and you threw me away like some common whore!”

But god forbid we actually say the word “sex” or stop being immature little shits every moment we make a dirty reference, amirite guys? Calling women whores and sluts is a-ok but if you even TRY to discuss sexuality in a mature and relaxed way you WILL get eaten by the mommy police.

Dex is like “pwease wissen to me :C” and she’s like “fucking dammit he’s just so hot not to listen to”:

She wanted him to hurt. To feel the soul-deep pain, just as she did. Physical wounds would heal, but the internal scars never would.

SOUL-DEEP PAIN. 

Not sure Andi has a soul but go off.

“You were my whole world. You showed me that I could still be loved. When everyone else—an entire planet full of people—hated me so much they wished me dead, even my own parents...I found you. I started to live again. I started to trust. Then I lost you, too, just like all the others. You turned away, just like they did.”

Thanks for mapping out the exact reasons for your angst, Andi. It’s not like we’re clever enough to know you have trust- and/or abandonment issues.

More like Angstdi amirite?

Dex gets all defensive and instead of giving her the real reason for his betrayal, he starts mouthing off and justifying himself.

“I turned you in because you were running from the law! You lied to me about your past, Andi. I did nothing that wasn’t expected of me! My duty as a Guardian was to the welfare of the galaxy, not to some runaway Spectre who’d failed her entire planet! You made the choice to fly that transport ship. It was your hands that crashed it. Your failure that killed Kalee! You ran, Androma.” 

H-hey bud? This is, as far as you know, your only chance to justify yourself. Maybe calm your tits and tell her what you’ve been keeping secret instead of confirming her beliefs about you? Since you were so desperate to talk to her?

No? Ok. For someone who displays some amount of emotional maturity (good god I can’t believe I just said that about fiking Dex Dogtective), you sure do get fired up easily, huh. Must be all that will-they-won’t-they tension.

They circled each other like predators, blood boiling, bodies shaking with rage as the stars looked on.

I can promise you the stars have better things to do than to give a shit about this petty squabble, Shinsay.

“Did you ever think about my side in all of this, Androma?” Dex’s voice cracked suddenly as he ran his fingers through his dark hair. “You may think you know the whole story, but you are so consumed by hate that you only see yourself.”

SO MAYBE STOP JUSTIFYING YOUR ACTIONS AND ACTUALLY TELL HER WHY YOU DID IT IF IT’S SO FUCKING IMPORTANT FOR HER TO KNOW?!

But no, we can’t have that yet. He follows it up with this:

“Your side of the story doesn’t matter. You sunk a knife into my chest. You stole my ship and left me to die.”

BECAUSE YOU TURNED HER OVER TO THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD MURDER HER. 

CAN YOU MAYBE NOT?! 

HOLY SHIT DEX DOGTECTIVE YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING MORON, AREN’T YOU? 

No wonder she fuckin stabbed you. I would’ve stabbed you multiple times and made sure you were actually dead before leaving your sorry ass.

Anyway, they stare at each other and Dex is all “uwu ur the only woman I ever loved” and we all know that doesn’t mean bi!Dex because Shinsay can’t think of a their manly man getting dicked down by another man, nu-uh.

Then we finally get the reason Dex did it. You see ...

They had his dad. And threatened to kill him if he didn’t turn Andi in.

Yeah. That old chestnut. It does unfortunately open up all of the plot holes. Like for example, if they knew where Dex was, why didn’t they just ... find him and thus find Andi? They knew she was with him. He was a Guardian at that point, surely they know where their men are stationed? Apparently he’d known Andi for a year when he turned her in, and he hadn’t realized who she was until the general’s men approached him. So ... how did the Patrolmen realize he was with Andi if even he didn’t know it? Or did they just threaten a family member of every Guardian on the off-chance that one of them knew Andi and would give her up to save them?

Maybe there’s something I’m missing, but this smacks of contrivance for the sake of conflict. 

Anyway, apparently Dex had tried to give Andi a head start the morning before he turned her in. By giving her a vaguely worded warning that she didn’t get. 

What a peach. 

They bribed Dex on top of threatening his father, which is like, beating him with the carrot stick, and I don’t understand it at all. But Dex feels very terrible about what he did to teh womaine he wuvs :c and apparently tried to plead with them that she was young and made a mistake. 

“Andi,” Dex whispered. “Please. Look at me. Tell me we can move past this. We both made mistakes. We both made our choices, and we’ve had to live with them.”

Seems a little manipulative there, Dexyboy. I’m getting a lot of mixed messages, but the loudest one seems to be “you did a bad and I did a smaller bad that’s justified and I feel kinda bad but also you’re also at fault and can we bone again please” and I’m not into it, Dexyboy. 

You wanted her to get away, to give her a head start. You agree that she’s innocent and she made a mistake when she was a child. Yet you blame her for stabbing you and fleeing from certain death? Ok. 

I mean, I get it, getting stabbed probably ain’t so fun, especially when it’s the womaine you lurv :c, and sure maybe it hurts both physically and emotionally to have her turn on you so fast and without hesitation ... BUT YOU DID PROVOKE IT BY TURNING HER OVER TO PEOPLE WHO WOULD DEFO 100% MURDER HER ASS. If you love her so much, can’t you extend just a bit of sympathy for her actions? Since you are the reason she did those things in the first place? Fucking dumbass.

Also, why the fuck have you been acting like a huge cocky asshole this whole time since you reunited? For kicks?

I get Shinsay wanted a sexie snarky love interest just like SJMommy but they’ve done it at the cost of consistent characterization.

Andi says that there’s no getting back to how it was and tells Dex to leave so she can cry and carve more tallies into her swords.

It’s very deep, y’all.

[battlestar-royco]

Even though I hated koa I still found it a more satisfying ending then got, which is so shocking to me cause I never expected to prefer sjm when it comes to anything lmao

I mean, SJ/M’s books at many times have a much higher entertainment value than anything GRRM or D&D have ever written, so I’ll gladly give her that. I like Man0n, E/lide, Kale, N/esta, Tarquin, and L/ucien much more than I ever liked almost any AS0IAF character besides Sansa and Arya and maybe Cat, Cersei, and Jaime. That said, I consider SJ/M and D&D on the same level of consistent characterization and plot structure skill. D&D just get more cred because they’re men and they have HBO production value to hide the utter wreck of their writing ability. I’m still appalled that they actually went through with Dark Dany. I was convinced they were going to give her the IT because the framing of her actions was always so righteous. I don’t agree with a lot of the stuff Danielle has done, and thousands of fans were calling her out for her flaws from the beginning, but it’s still so unfair to constantly scream to your audience “HEY THIS PERSON IS A HERO” with swelling music and Empowered Women^TM marketing despite them doing non-heroic things for seven seasons. To all of a sudden pull the rug out and say “YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS A HERO ALL ALONG? HOW STUPID COULD YOU BE? SHE’S BEEN DOING VILLAINOUS THINGS ALL THIS TIME. OH, AND ACTUALLY THE REASON WHY SHE BECAME A VILLAIN AND SHE’S UNFIT TO RULE? IT’S NOT IMPERIALISM; IT’S ACTUALLY BECAUSE MEN ARE MORE LOGICAL AND SHE’S UPSET BECAUSE NO ONE IN THE NORTH LIKES HER AND SHE SUFFERED CASUALTIES IN THE WAR” is just horrendous, inconsistent, and cruel writing all around. And not only did they do this to Danielle, but literally every character has been completely fucked over at this point. Not to flex on D&D in favor of SJ/M, but even though she ruins every single character besides her OTP and her main characters have no personality, she would never do that to Faerug or Alien.

[bitchryver]

controversial opinion you should give us your bi aelin headcanons

sorry this took so long to answer I’ve been on a hunt for receipts x

aelin ashryver is bisexual: a summary

-I’m indebted forever to @blackbeaktrash for pointing this out to me but uhhh remember that post about how Mulan Korra and the short one from the time traveling lesbian game all had one thing in common- the bisexual hair cut ? hello aelins fresh chop in HoF

- the assassin and the desert. every single line. is a wlw tragedy romance ripped straight from a mythology.

- let’s get some direct quotes from the gay awakening that was the assassin and the desert:

~

“Celaena tried not to look too interested, though the girl was one of the most stunning people she’d ever beheld.”

~

“And somehow, the thought of returning to Rifthold without Ansel was a tad unbearable.”

~

“Celaena couldn’t stop her lips from trembling as she asked, “Was it ever real?”

“Ansel opened one eye, staring at the far wall. “There were some moments when it was. The moment I sent you away, it was real.”

~

“ And I think she sent you away because she truly cared for you.

She hated her mouth for wobbling. “That doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

-like Sam is nice rip but I refuse to believe he was aelins first love interest when ansel exists

- i understand where people are coming from when they talk about malide being canon if manon was a man but….i present example a- ansel and celaena the original gay love story to never happen and yet be laced with romantic chemistry

-anyway read the gayssassin and the desert

-aelin describing every woman she meets as beautiful and ethereal and then men are like…’he was tall. he had sword’

- yrene in tab: ‘wow I’d love to travel and be a healer so I could help people’

-aelin, emptying her pockets: you’re so pretty I love you here’s a sack full of cash is that enough? You’re so talented ily

-she loves swords & swords belong to the gays

-aelin calling cha0l ugly the first time she meets him…compared with yrene, a straight woman who’s immediately attracted to him…..Noah fence but….that was her gaydar trying to warn her :/

-aelins the only one who calls out these dumb ass white frat boys on their privilege and their upper class straight man bullshit!!shes having none of it !!!

-doriman in tog: “hey aelin? would you ever consider putting your life at risk and jeopardizing your safety to be with me?”

-aelin, right before she goes to have breakfast in bed with her beloved idol nehemia:

-while we’re on the subject, aelin taking literal WEEKS to notice if a mans attractive or not but describing every woman she meets as good looking within SECONDS even if she hates them

-Like LOOK

-I mean I cannot relate to the straight experience but I cannot imagine this is how a straight woman talks about women

-SHE DOESNT EVEN LIKE LYSANDRA AND SHES ALL IN THERE TALKING ABOUT HER ‘SENSOUS MOUTH’ IN QOS i mean

-aelin: the woman was built like a mythical goddess…she radiated beauty and sensuality from every pore

-aelin : this is rowan he’s my husband and he’s built like a TANK

-It took aelin six months to realize he was hot compared to literally everybody else who wanted to jump him mere seconds after meeting him(with the exception of manon, a proud lesbian but anyway)

-girl cannot sit in a fucking chair properly!! always throwing herself sideways or dangling off of it or slouching in it or something

-spitting jewels out of her mouth? Performing foreplay in a room full of powerful men and borian? gay

-i don’t know about you gals but I always get a ring engraved to give to my personal (straight)friends when I ask them to spend the rest of their life with me…

-when Rowan’s like ‘aw man can’t wait to get back and go to bed with my wife’ and the next line is like ‘aelin and lysandra were lying together, asleep’

-aelin saw the absolute straight man manic pixie nonsense quail and dorito were throwing at her and was like ‘bummer uhhh fuck both of you?’ instead of wasting her life and energy on men who didn’t appreciate her that’s all bi energy babes!

-aelin and manon having a metaphorical dick measuring contest but with swords

-aelin polishing nesryns dagger and dreaming of buying her a new one

-aelin telling kale that nesryn can speak for herself !!! Shut up!!!

- nesryn: mind your own business brullo lmao #nosy as fuck

-aelin, who had a dagger at this woman’s back not even 12 hours earlier:

-Aedion: haha…so aelin only invited nesryn out to have drinks with us because she needed an extra pair of hands because I was injured….what a smart strategic move

-aelin: nesryn you look lonely do you want to come with us ? Tell me about yourself. What’s your family like? How do you get your hair so smooth? Do you want my social security number?

-aelin loved nehemia so much she dumped stale whitebread and got written off as a terrible character by the Discourse Police: Cha0l Division. that’s love.

-attempting to murder the man ur fuckin after he’s involved in the murder of your beloved gay friend? hm. not a straight aura but #prove #me #wrong

-aelin keeps all her nails long except her sword hands so she can keep the aesthetic and weapon functionality but also keep a gay functionality

- in tower of dawn whomst does aelin write to? out of every one of the royal family ? lesbian icon and love of my life Hasar. aelin sensed incredible chaotic gay wlw energy from ACROSS the sea and knew immediately where the real power was. gaydar in action

- aelin has impeccable taste in fashion and upholstery, unrivaled by any other person in tog

-listen I live with 2 straight people and I promise you. The only one who cares enough about proper home decor, mood lighting and pretty things that were very expensive- is the gay one: me

-all the men hate her all the women love her lmao that says it all

- chaotic disaster gay aelin ashryver. Hurricane wlw nightmare woman tearing through these streets

-made a post about it here already but aelins like ‘fuck I can’t like manon but her fucking sword is so cool jesus christ’ that’s gay

- when aelin finds out manon graciously allowed snorian to have sex with her: I do NOT approve but go ahead ruin ya life lol

-when aelin finds out manon left elide alone in oakweld: what the FUCK did you do to that precious beautiful angel were it not for the laws of this land-

-MANON ‘LESBIAN’ BLACKBEAK herself says aelin radiates a gay aura she’s disappointed when she meets her in eos because all the batshit chaotic neutral gay has been depleted from her due to over exposure to straight men

-manons entire arc re: aelin in eos was ‘i should rip her throat out but i get where this stupid gay is coming from so’

-aelin giving a woman she’s just met the necklace her abuser gave her on her 16th? power move. gay power move.

- i love her so much but she’s. so goddamn stupid. and that’s such a mood

- Getting My Whole Ass Out To Prove Were Platonic Friends …that’s a level of denial I can’t even cover

-don’t know if I said it earlier but when aelin asks Lys to join her and lys says oh are you proposing, aelin..doesn’t say no lmao she’s just like ‘tragically I find myself with a life partner’

-lysandra sleeping on aelins lap while aelin downs 2 bottles of wine and flirts with ansel, while all the men look on annoyed that aelin did all of their jobs for them- gay imagery

- listen if ansel ‘murdered my boyfriend of 5yrs saving the girl I knew for a month’ briarcliff approves of you then…you’re gay. you just are.

-aelin ’ill murder you if so much as make EYE CONTACT with any of my women’ ashryver

- I said it already but. There is no better way to indicate that you are living life as our lady sappho intended than having a plethora of boring straight men hate you.

-That’s one of the things you need to have before they let you be gay

-aelins the only character who’s like- you know what I’m missing from my life? Women. I should go out and meet more of those

-killing the man who murdered your beloved friend in the exact same way he tortured her killing the man who set it up and basking in his blood am I right ladies

-aelin acknowledging she’s pretty because she works at it ? Maybe the only ya fantasy character who cannonically exfoliates, moisturizes, and uses toner and serum??? And you except me to sit here and assume she’s straight ???? In this economy ?????

-and yeah I’m absolutely 100% projecting because i love her. maybe blonde emotional chaotic bisexual fashion icons should look after each other now and then.

what do I know i clearly missed the gay memo where we all hate her now or something lmaooo anyway

[supergirlimaginesfic-blog]

Lena Luthor x reader (For as many miles and hours apart, I’m with you)

Request: "You look super cute right now , and it's really hard not to kiss you " with lena

a/n: well well well... guess who’s back again from gallivanting around a very small corner of the world... yes, that’d be me! I’ve taken the time I needed to recover from the jet lag... tbh I am still very affected lol. I think I’m done for this year, no more trips for now unless the universe decides to surprise me! Time to get this blog back in running order LMAO. I have a masterlist now for all you wonderfully organized people as well since it’s been asked for. Moreover, it’s kinda made me realize how very little I’ve written... I definitely want to expand my collection! Thank you all for sticking around though! Whether you’ve read one thing or a handful of things, I appreciate you all so very much :D

Now... guess who seems to be moderately inspired by their adventures that directly influenced the direction of this fic! Yeah, LOL. This one’s pretty fluffy... just pure fluff actually who am I kidding. A very cute fic for a very cute prompt?? Why the heck not! And because I always need to have at least one cracky headcanon in all the things I write, for whatever reason, I just want to say Lena would be the absolute worst with dogs, because she would be the biggest Sucker of all time, and she has the dumbest nerdy baby voice she uses for them, I don’t make the rules y’all

- - - - -

You’d say you did quite alright thank you very much, if anyone were to ask what it was like dating someone as big of a deal as Lena Luthor. It’s no surprise that having a big-time CEO for a girlfriend would have its perks as well as its challenges, but like any other relationship, you figured all that was needed was to just take things in stride.

Much to your delightful discovery, in fact, Lena had a harder time letting go of you than you did of her. She travelled less often for work than you anticipated she would. She’d told you once she tried not to travel too much if she could avoid it - you found it rather peculiar that someone wouldn’t want to indulge such an opportunity as she could.

You realized then Lena had a fear of flying, and moreover after having an incident with a helicopter and her brother (you’d only discussed this once), she was even more disinclined to be anywhere that wasn’t on solid ground.

She travelled on her private jet if she absolutely had to, and though you weren’t too shocked by this, she was just as quick to admit her fear of flying commercially with so many other innocent people on board and how she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if anything were to happen to them on her account - that made you all the more reluctant to let her go.

Still, she’d left your apartment with her head held high and a steely resolution. And still, it wasn’t even ten minutes before she’d messaged you and sent you one inconsequential heart emoji and a smiley face, just because she wanted to.

Lena wouldn’t be gone for too long, and you’ve become used to not missing her too much like you first did, but you knew you’d miss her now for not being able to kiss her when she did stupidly adorable things like that.

You supposed it could wait for when she came back - absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all.

It would only be a few days, she surmised, no longer than a week. She would be staying in Rome, and though you knew she was hasty to come back to National City, you reminded her of the benefits of a vacation.

Petulantly (with a pout, actually), she remarked that she doesn’t take advantage of her time away on business - and what exactly is the point of travelling for leisure if the only person you’d have fun with isn’t there anyway?

Needless to say, you kissed her then.

Your life had gone on as usual. For the most part, it seemed like any other week regardless - you saw less of Lena these days anyway.

Truthfully, the reality of Lena actually being out of the country only hit you with her “I wish you were here” messages, and only then did you realize you couldn’t really actually do anything about your absence - that didn’t stop you from replying “I’ll be over soon” regardless.

Lena: “You shouldn’t keep a girl waiting, you know. You’ve told me the same exact thing two days ago.”

you: “I’m only collecting all your favourite foods together. It’s taken me exactly one business day just to reconcile the fact that you prefer gluten free cookies over chewy Chips Ahoy”

Lena: “You’re so rude, I merely grew up with those. It’s a force of habit.”

you: “I cried outside of the natural food market parking lot for five minutes before walking in”

Lena: “You are so brave and selfless, my hero.”

you: “thanks, I know. It’ll take another business day to process the kale and spinach though”

Lena: “Oh? Well, that’s too bad, I’ll be gone by the time you get here. I have someone very important I have to kiss when I get back. Better luck next time? :)”

you: “wow, lucky asshole I bet ;) what am I gonna do with all this junk then?”

Lena: “Junk? I think you’ve got your definitions confused, darling. But you will figure it out <3″

Your banter with Lena was arguably one of your favourite things about her, and it didn’t hurt that it helped you forget how much you could miss her if you really let yourself think about it.

From the very start, she was a bit of a goofball, and you had to wonder where it was people got off on glamourizing and over-exaggerating just how evil a Luthor could really be.

In fact, she has arguably the biggest heart of anyone you’ve met. And the fact that you could make such a statement said quite a lot in and of itself.

You met Lena through your friend Winn, who finally relented to you after you caught him in a lie (but you didn’t really have to try hard at all) about where he really worked, and he’d tripped over himself explaining how he met Lena “through work” when you knew he still worked at CatCo and she most definitely still worked at L-Corp.

You thought he was still hiding something, but that was Winn and you always knew he’d come around if there was anything he really couldn’t handle.

You’d gotten along with Lena right off the bat when you’d met her one night at a bar with some of Winn’s other friends. He’d introduced you to everyone, and they were all very welcoming of you and eager to bring you in, but you just couldn’t bring your attention away from Lena.

You wouldn’t admit it then, but you would say you could tell she was just as taken by you, and by how much closer you two physically got throughout the night, somehow ending up sitting beside each other rather than across from each other like you’d started the night - it was quite obvious you two had chemistry.

It was a bit of a surprise to you, just how much you had to talk about with a 24 year old billionaire, but what was even more of a shock was how much you still liked her despite her having something contrary to say about all the things you liked.

You two had bickered and teased each other all night, you realized Lena was just stringing you along after she’d noticed the keyring on your keys and teased you about your favourite soccer team.

She conceded later in the night with a dangerous smirk on her face (after another double jack and coke) that she didn’t actually care as much as she made it seem about soccer - she knew enough about it to poke fun at you, and you were too impressed by her ability to bullshit her way through a conversation with you to feel antagonized.

You’d all departed the bar that night and said your goodbyes, slightly buzzed and happily tipsy, and you were the last to bid Lena a goodnight.

It was only after you watched her sneak a wink over her shoulder at you as she walked away that you acquiesced to the realization that you didn’t remember to give her your number.

You didn’t have to wait too long, however, before you ran into her at the park while walking your dog one morning.

“Hey, Lena, how’s it going?” you smiled at her.

“Good morning, (Y/N),” she said, taking notice of your companion. “Who’s this big guy?”

“This is my puppy, Justin.”

Lena regarded your dog again, and stared questioningly at you and then at your full-sized Doberman, and back at you again.

“You named... your puppy... Justin?”

You grinned broadly at her and watched your dog shyly go up to her.

“Yeah, I love him. Still haven’t given him a middle name. I’ve got a few in mind though.”

She smiled peculiarly at you again, “what were you thinking, then?”

“Justin Time, Justin Case, Justin-credible.”

Lena broke out into laughter and nodded sagely, “right, of course.”

You watched as Justin warmed up to her and let himself be pet by her, Lena seeming to know what to do around unfamiliar dogs.

“We should go out again some time,” she said as she smiled at Justin’s inquisitive head tilt.

“Yeah! That’d be awesome, I had a great time with everyone last time. I don’t know when Winn’s gonna hit up everyone again though-”

“Oh, I meant you and I.”

“Oh. You mean like, by ourselves?”

“Yes, if you’d like, of course.”

“I totally would, I was actually thinking about how I didn’t get your number the other day-” your eyes widened and you snapped your mouth shut.

Lena grinned, “is that so?”

“Yeah,” you let out the affirmation in a sound that resembled more of a squeak than an actual word.

“Well, I suppose that just means I wasn’t the only one so carried away by how much fun I had.”

The rest of the encounter was spent in a blur, and you don’t think you can recall exactly what had happened, but you remember Lena hugging you (which you suppose was precisely the moment you blanked out) and her leaning down to pet Justin one last time as he tugged lightly on the leash to go after her, and you had your phone in your hand.

It wasn’t until you were at the door of your apartment that you really realized Lena saved her number into your phone, and it was another ordeal in itself for you to figure out when to text her and how and just what exactly you would say.

Lena made things easier for you, despite her affinity for making you a bumbling, happy mess sometimes.

You’d gotten better at being more composed around her, and you gave yourself all the credit for it.

And so it was, now you were waiting for her to come back, and you only had one night left before you’d be able to kiss your girlfriend again.

It was early in the evening and you’d just got back from walking Justin when you get an incoming Skype call from Lena.

You answer the call on your laptop with a beaming smile, Justin trailing happily behind you at the ringing.

“Hey, angel, what’s up?”

“Hi. I missed you,” she grumbles.

You didn’t have to see Lena’s pout to know it was there, and you smile to yourself. It didn’t take much for you to figure out she was laying in bed and on her phone.

“I missed you too, baby. Isn’t it 1 in the morning there? Why aren’t you sleeping?” you chastise lightly.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Did you even try?”

There’s a guilty pause on her end, and then, “I will...”

You laugh softly at her sleepy voice, and you thought to yourself how the hours really couldn’t go by any quicker, “alright, I’ll believe you.”

“Where’s my boy, Justin?” she asks.

“Oh don’t worry, he’s here. Slobbering at attention and all. Say hi to Lena, buddy!” you tilt the laptop screen closer to the ground and half of Justin’s face gets into the shot.

He immediately perks up when he sees Lena and he tries to get closer to the screen, putting his front paws up on the desk to get a better look.

Lena laughs, “hi, Justin! I missed you! Are you being a good boy? I’ll be back so soon to feed you all the food I know (Y/N) won’t let you have.”

You huff indignantly at her cooing and shake your head in amusement.

“Justin’s gonna get chubby because you keep feeding him your gourmet salmon.”

“He runs you in circles, my boy will never be a little chubster,” she grins.

“Seems like you missed him more than me,” you joke.

“Oh, I most certainly did.”

You click your tongue in mild offense and tilt the laptop screen back up to your face.

“I’ll hang up now, seeing as I’m unwanted.”

“Okay, leave the laptop on for Justin.”

You lift the dog up with considerable effort and put him in your lap. He’s a bundle of hair and everything when he’s trying to get comfortable and repositions himself on your legs.

“At least I can tell you in no uncertain terms how much I missed you. I don’t know if you speak the language of dogs,” you remark with a sulk.

“I don’t need to, I know it by how excited he gets whenever I come to visit.”

“Are you saying I need to drool on everything you own and chew up your one favourite heel for you to see how much I missed you?”

“Justin is a majestic creature, I let him do what he wants. You, on the other hand, should know better.”

“Maybe he does know better and he just knows you’ll let him off easy.”

“He’s a good boy regardless, I love him very much.”

“Go to sleep, Lena,” you smirk at her increasingly sleepy rambling.

“Okay, I love you too, you know.”

“I do know, baby. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Okay. You don’t have to pick me up okay? I know I’m going to be rather grumpy when I get back. I just want to crash at yours and cuddle.”

“Of course, we can do whatever you need.”

Lena hums sleepily and her eyelids seem to become heavier with the threat of sleep.

“I can’t wait to see you, goodnight,” she manages to mumble.

“Goodnight,” you murmur softly as you wait a moment before ending the call.

When you go to sleep just hours later, it’s with the fondness of knowing just how much of a nerd your girlfriend is, and how much you missed her.

It’s only with the promise of seeing her again that you finally convince yourself to fall asleep and be that much closer to reuniting with her.

When you get the text from her in the morning informing you that she’s close to your apartment, you can’t stop buzzing with even more excitement than you woke up with, and you figure Justin can feel some of that excess of energy too if his pacing around the apartment is any indication.

“You too, eh?” you mutter to him.

Justin merely huffs and keeps his guard on watching the door.

“You’re almost worse than me, you big sucker,” you say fondly as you tousle his fur.

It’s a few more minutes before there’s a knock on your door and Justin springs up from his sleepy post and you jolt to life.

You barely open the door before the entirety of Lena’s form slips through and melds into you, and you laugh as you feel her weight in your arms.

“Holy shit, I missed you so much,” you mutter into her hair.

You feel her pull away as she looks up at you, looking every inch the immaculate woman she is and not at all the exhausted woman you know she is.

She brings her hands to your cheeks and smiles as she pulls you in for a kiss. She runs her fingers through your hair and you bring her closer to you.

Justin waits patiently between the two of you, you can sense his presence even without having to feel his body pressed up between the two of you expectantly.

Lena hums lowly into the kiss and it’s only when you two break apart that you realize how sleepy she must be.

“Coffee, or sleep?” you ask.

“Kisses,” she grumbles, and she moves in for another kiss as you relent with fond admiration.

“You didn’t sleep much last night, did you?”

“No,” she supplies helpfully, and you think you’ve got enough for your answer.

You help her take her coat off and you hang it quickly before you jog to your room to get some of the comfy clothes that she keeps at your apartment.

Lena’s already settled into the couch and yawning as she curls into the cushions, and you almost feel bad about having to disrupt her.

“Baby, you should change, I don’t think that’s comfortable.”

“It’s fine, that’s a later problem,” she says sleepily, and you find yourself laughing again.

“You didn’t want to even sleep in a bed?”

Lena hums sleepily and you can tell she’s about to fall asleep again. You crouch down beside her sleepy form on your couch and smile at the sight of her. You place a hand gently on her cheek and rub your fingers at her temple.

She smiles contentedly and leans into the touch, and you kiss her on her forehead before you bring your hands up and tug at her ponytail.

Somehow in her sleepy state, she gets the idea and she lets you ease her hair out of the tie. She groans happily at the ease of pressure and you leave the hair tie on your wrist.

You move to stand up to let her sleep, but she feels you move away and reaches her hand out to stop you impressively quickly for someone who should have one foot in the dream world.

She mutters disapprovingly and her pout is out in full force. You grin at the display and roll your eyes.

“What do you want me to do, baby?”

“Cuddles, please,” she says quickly, and you only have half the mind to think about how difficult she makes it to not smile so much around her.

“Alright.”

She readjusts to make room for you. You fall asleep holding Lena snugly, and you know it already that she’d never admit it even if all the proof in the world stacked against her that she fell asleep within a minute of being in your arms.

It’s a few hours later, you deduce after waking up from your nap, and you feel Lena’s body still pressing against you firmly as if preventing your escape.

You try to slip away from her slowly and you see Justin laying quietly in a heap beside the couch and he looks up at you when he notices your movement.

You cock your head into the direction of the kitchen when you finally stand up, successfully not having woken up Lena and Justin follows obediently behind you.

It’s mid-afternoon, but you know coffee is always appreciated so you boil water for when Lena wakes up.

Only half an hour later, you walk back to check up on Lena after you hear significant movement coming from the living room.

Lena’s grinning as Justin sticks his entire face into her lap to coax all the cuddles out of her.

“I couldn’t have forgotten you, sweet boy. You did such a good job of protecting me while we were sleeping didn’t you? Yes, you did,” she says in her baby voice she uses specifically for Justin.

You smirk at the voice and leave momentarily. When you come back, it’s with a cup of coffee in hand for her.

She smiles brilliantly at you, in much better condition than when she first arrived and eyes the coffee mug you have.

She only purses her lips in challenge after she’s taken a few sips, and the expectant eyebrow that ticks at you makes you wonder what her problem is.

You glance at the coffee cup and it’s your favourite mug that Alex gave you for Secret Santa, the one that has “Good Morning, Asshole” written in a nice handwritten font on it.

You try to contain your laughter but your smile gives you away and Lena ticks her tongue at you.

You move to sit beside her and you bring an arm around her as she leans into you. You turn the TV on and leave the sound on a low volume as you sit in contemplative silence, and Lena leaves her coffee on the table. Justin lies in a heap like a carpet in front of the TV with you, finally content that he can take a nap.

“I’m really proud of you, you know,” you say after a moment.

“What? Why?” Lena asks with perplexity.

You suppose it’s justifiable, you hadn’t shared more than several words with her and you do have a bit of a habit of vocalizing things to continue a conversation you’ve been having solely in your head.

“No, it’s just- you’re out there doing your thing, travelling the world and also doing what you can to help it. I love being able to say, ‘that’s my girlfriend’. You make it hard to not be proud of you, actually.”

You smile to yourself, and you only pull yourself out of your reverie when you realize Lena is considerably quiet. When you turn to look at her, you see the mistiness of her eyes.

“Come here, you nerd,” you say fondly as you wrap Lena in an embrace. “This isn’t meant to be a crying moment.”

“If you didn’t keep saying wonderful things like that maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to cry as often.”

“You’re going to make Justin cry,” you say teasingly.

“I’ve missed both of you,” she says.

You bring her hand to your lips and place light kisses on her knuckles.

“Lie down,” is all you say, and she smiles at you, both parts in total adoration and in question.

You bring her feet to your lap and turn the volume of the TV up just a little bit higher. You start massaging her calves, leaning back into the couch as you continue your ministrations on Lena.

From the corner of your eye, you can feel her gaze on you, and you smile a little to yourself. You try not to, but you can’t help it - you sneak a glance at your girlfriend and realize just how lucky you are to have her relaxing on your couch with you.

She looks radiant with her hair down, her hair sprawled a little messily across the cushion and falling into cascades off her shoulders, and you think she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen.

You wonder if the tension in her calves has anything to do with her wearing heels far too often, and you muse deeper and deeper into just how much a creature of wonder Lena really is.

You stare blankly at the TV as you bring your hands blindly to her feet, but then she’s poking at you with her foot to get your attention.

“What?” you smile with amusement.

She’s silent for a beat before she says, “hi.”

“Hi,” you reply with a grin.

You laugh at the foolishness of the scenario - the lightness you feel now that Lena’s back and how easily she makes you feel weightless seems a lot like being home, regardless of whether you’ve left or where you will go.

You think that’s part of the magic of her.

“You look so cute,” she says.

You smirk, “thank you. I could say the same thing, but it goes without saying you always look amazing.”

“It’s really hard not to kiss you right now.”

“Oh yeah? What’s stopping you then?” you ask.

“You’re too far away,” Lena says simply.

You grin at the statement and turn to get a better look at her.

Then she adds, “come here,” more suggestively.

You stare at her in challenge, heavy with the weight of anticipation, and you move her legs off you gently before leaning in to hover above her.

“I really missed you, baby,” you say as you bring your lips just inches within hers.

“Really?” she whispers. “Care to show me?”

You smile mischievously as she tugs at the front of your shirt and wraps her legs around your waist.

You only have the vague notion that Lena Luthor is a little troublemaker, but you don’t have time to ponder it before you feel yourself getting lost in everything that makes her the remarkable woman that she is.

You feel nothing but happiness with the sudden realization of just how much you love her.

You would take the handful of moments you can steal with Lena if it meant being the only one to know fully and intimately the bliss of being the one who can love her the way you do.

For you, that was enough, and for now, the days you share until she has to leave again are enough.

For you, Lena is more than enough.

[detoxdolan]

Another Late Tag

🎀Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people some of your faves.

I am aware that this is hella long and hella late, but I appreciate being tagged in these things and I love learning about all you lovely people in the fandom.

ALRIGHT LETS GET ITTTTT.

Last: 1. Drink - H2O bro 2. Phone call - I got a phone call from an unknown number while I was at work, so I called back and a random lady with a British accent answered and said she never called me??? 🤔 3. Text message - I’m currently absent from a game, so one of my teammates is filling me in on all the tea I’m missing. Apparently there’s beef between teams. 👀 4. Song you listened to - Praise You by Fatboy Slim (it was in a playlist, let me live.) 😂 5. Time you cried - uhhh Monday (today is Wednesday). So basically two days ago. 😅

Ever: 6. Dated someone twice? - Yes haha 7. Kissed someone and regretted it - Definitely.  8. Been cheated on - stealing this quote from @spiffydolan​ 👉 “technically yes, but really no” 9. Lost someone special - Yes 😳 10. Been depressed - ..Yes. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - haha never 😁😁

3 Favorite colours: 12. Neutrals - Black, white, and beige  13. Blue!!! 14. Trendy Colours - so your basic olive green, millennial pink, maroon etc etc 

In the last year (2017) have you: 15. Made new friends - I made this account in December and made so many friends on here that I’m so grateful for every day 😭AND THAT’S JUST ON TUMBLR. I feel like I branched out a lot this year and met so many cool ppl. 2017 was a good year.  16. Fallen out of love - Yes..and tbh it’s one of the worst feelings ever.  17. Laughed until you cried - not something I do often, but I think so. 18. Found out someone was talking about you - haha all the time #TalkShitGetHit 19. Met someone who changed you - Yes.  20. Found out who your friends are - “When people show you their true colours, believe them.” 👉 I feel like we all know the truth about who people are and its just a matter of whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not. There are a lot of people in my life that I know shouldn’t be here but I don’t have the heart to let go of just yet..it’s a work in progress.  21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - uhhhhh probably LOL

General: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - tbh, I tried to do a facebook cleanse and remove anyone I didn’t associate with in real life but that lasted for like 2 seconds LMAO 23. Do you have any pets - I have a weenie dog 😊 24. Do you want to change your name - I don’t quite like my name, but I don’t think anything else would match me???  25. What did you do for your last birthday - I went to a club with my 2 best friends and we ran into some friends and celebrated all together. Then I had a intimate little dinner with all my closest friends and family. OH I also cut all my hair off - so I guess there’s that 😂😂 Best birthday I’ve had so far. 26. What time did you wake up today - 7:45 am, even though my alarm was set for 8:45 🙄 27. What were you doing at midnight last night - Sleeping, most likely. Or finishing up a FaceTime sesh with @silly-silly-fangirl​  28. What is something you can’t wait for - Everything and anything involving @silly-silly-fangirl​ #Toronto2k18 30. What are you listening to right now - Teen Rocket by Tigers Jaw (against my better judgement, this is for a music challenge)  31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - I..don’t think so? 32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - Haha a lot of things. Uhh lets see: My boss, my friends, negative ppl EVERYWHERE 33. Most visited website - Probably Tumblr or YouTube 34. Hair color - Chestnut Brown. I know this because when I used to colour pictures as a kid with pencil crayon, I would use the Chestnut Brown pencil crayon for my hair. 😂😂 35. Long or short hair -  In the aforementioned birthday question, I cut all my hair off, but its growing back.                                                                                          36. Do you have a crush on someone - Lol I have like..a crush for every occasion. I have a work crush, a school crush, a basketball crush..literally a crush for every place I go.                                                                                   37. What do you like about yourself - Turning Pain into Power, Positivity, and Patience. 4 P’s 🙏

38. Want any piercings? - I was thinking about getting my seconds because literally everyone has so many badass piercings and I dont (my parents would kill me). 39. Blood type - B positive! I got tested at a lil set up at my school for blood donation. DONATE BLOOD YALL!!!! Seriously, you could save like 3 lives from that ish.  40. Nicknames - Ni, Nina, Nitts/Mama Nitts (why), Nids, NiNi, T, Nitty, Littya etc etc 41. Relationship status - Single and satisfied ✌️ 42. Zodiac - Leo ♌ 43. Pronouns - she/her 44. Favorite TV shows - Jane the Virgin, How To Get Away With Murder, Riverdale (these are just recents)  45. Tattoos - Honey....would u put a bumper sticker on a bentley  46. Right or left handed - righty is tighty  ✌️ ✌️ 47. Ever had surgery - I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed, but I wasn’t put to sleep. I had local anesthetic and I was awake for the whole thing, IT WAS FUCKING BRUTAL I cried the whole time the dental assistant had to wipe my tears throughout the procedure lmao  48. Piercings - I have a tongue ring 😜🤘 49. Sport - Cheerleading 🎀 50. Vacation - Tryna reach NOLA for Mardi Gras next year you already knowwww @spiffydolan​ 🎉🎉 51. Trainers - wut

More general: 52. Eating - either way too much or not enough and no in between 53. Drinking - Water. Always water. I got some free coconut water at work though, so I mean that was pretty cool. 54. I’m about to watch - Riverdale? idk I got a lot of shows to catch up on. 55. Waiting for - My new apartment to be ready! 🤗 56. Want - mostly just a bunch of household things for my new place. But also, want @silly-silly-fangirl​ to come visit me in Toronto :( 57. Get married - Yeah, maybe. I gotta find someone to like me first 😅 58. Career - I’ve lowkey always wanted to be a teacher and my entire life has basically been me avoiding becoming a teacher soooo yeah lmao. Right now I’m on the track to Midwifery but I’m? chaning my mind?? idk. 

Which is better: 59. Hugs or kisses - I wanna say hugs cause I feel like you can’t kiss everyone. But the people you can kiss...damn.  60. Lips or eyes - eyes 61. Shorter or taller - I’m not one of those cute, dainty, short girls. I’m 5′6, so taller would be appreciated  😅 62. Older or younger - older 63. Nice arms or stomach - I have neither so 💁 64. Hookup or relationship - Relationship? idk I’m kinda living the single life rn and I’m just chilling so I wouldn’t mind a casual thing here or there BUT WHO HAS THE TIME 65. Troublemaker or hesitant - I’m the best mix of both 😏

Have you ever: 66. Kissed a stranger - Yes 🙈 67. Drank hard liquor - Yes 68. Lost glasses - Probably 69. Turned someone down - Yes 😪 70. Sex on first date - Not...yet? 71. Broken someones heart - Yes  72. Had your heart broken - Yes 😞 73. Been arrested - Nope 😇 74. Cried when someone died - Yes 💔 75. Fallen for a friend - Not a close friend, but yeah.

Do you believe in: 76. Yourself - I do 😌 77. Miracles - Absolutely 78. Love at first sight - Maybe not? Probably more like a significant encounter typa vibe

79. Santa Claus - haha no 80. Kiss on a first date - To be proper, no. Butttt there are def exceptions. 81. Angels - YES 

Other: 82. Best friend’s name - In the great words of Mindy Kaling “Best friend is a tier, not a person.” Butttt @silly-silly-fangirl​ (If u couldn’t already tell) is one of my favorite people on this planet atm. 83. ‎Eye color - Brown? I wanna say hazel, but the twins literally INVENTED hazel w their eye colour and I cannot compete. 84. Favorite movie - Hardest question ever...I always say Zorro 85. ‎Favorite actor - Leonardo DiCaprio? Viola Davis? Robert DeNiro??

Thank you so so much to @spiffydolan for the tag. U da best. 💜💜

Gonna tag some of my favorite blogs at the moment. If you’ve already been tagged/want to sit out of this tag, consider this a shoutout! Thanks for being awesome 😊 @ethandolanakae-tee-wee-tee @laneswervingdolan @pandasaremyspritanimal @broncodolan @silly-silly-fangirl @coconutethan @dolanwaffles

[isotuan]

Nutrition (Yoongi x Reader Fluff/Crack)

Genre: Fluff/Crack

Word: 1,634

Summary: Are you a fruit? ‘Cause honeydew you know how fine you look right now?

Note: This is set in Stupid!universe where Y/N and Yoongi are best friends that annoy the fuck out of each other. It was mentioned in the fic how Yoongi had to drag her to the grocery store at some point, and I got INSPIRED. Also, I’m not that witty, these pick up lines and jokes are from the internet, with a bit of iteration to fit the story line. Other than that, I really like this one. Maybe it’s bc I’m equally of a lazyass as Y/N? The banter is really my style... SO GET READY FOR SOME HELLA CRINGE LMAO.

CHECK OUT STUPID (YOONGI X READER FLUFF) HERE

“Can I ride the cart at least?”

“Jesus fuck. For the third time, Y/N.—

—No.”

Y/N grumbled loudly, kicking at the tiny rocks under her her shoes. Yoongi pulled a large cart out of the store’s several rows, figuring that this grocery run would turn out to be quite a big one. 

After countless attempts of convincing Y/N that PostMates and UberEats of grease-drenched Chinese food were not exactly the healthiest option, he had finally dragged her to the local supermarket. That was, after telling her that they were going for frozen yogurt and had ‘accidentally’ made a wrong turn to the store, “so we might as well, right?”

“This is no fun,” Y/N bemoaned as they made their way through the second set of sliding doors.

“When was the last time you’ve step foot in a grocery store?” 

Y/N shrugged, “Last year maybe?”

“Jesus,” he huffed. “I should’ve guessed by that leftover salad rotting in your fridge.”

“It was a good salad, I was saving it for later.”

Yoongi tilted his head, “For six months?”

Y/N puffed out her cheeks and shifted from one foot to the other, avoiding the question. Yoongi knew that Y/N knew herself how bad her eating habit was. She was just too stubborn to admit it, Yoongi would know after all these years. And of course, he was very much expert now at dealing with her stubborn ass. He snorted, “Just stay by the cart, I’ll do the shopping.”

They made their way over to the produce section, but not after Y/N insisting that they should make a pit stop at the snack aisle first. To which Yoongi quickly denied and pulled her away with a tug of her wrist.

Yoongi began strolling around the section. The vibrant colors made each fruit look as if they were little gems and each vegetable look as delectable as ever, Yoongi grabbed a strip of plastic bags and began shopping.

“No, no, no. Not tomatoes!” Y/N ran up behind Yoongi as picked up the bright red fruit. “I hate tomatoes.”

“Well that’s too bad,” Yoongi placed it into a bag along with another. 

“Dickhead,” she hissed.

In defeat, Y/N groaned and dragged her feet off to somewhere else. Yoongi watched her and made sure he could still see her out of his peripheral vision before returning to picking out more fresh produce.  

She likes avocados, he thought to himself. But not too ripe. He took his time picking out the perfect avocado out of the large pile.  

She can’t have mushrooms. Once he ordered had ordered her a stuffed Portabello at dinner which resulted in a night beside the toilet bowl. So he passed them without hesitation.

He gathered stuff he knew well Y/N could eat and stuff he thought she’d be able to tolerate. The produce in the cart quickly piled up with much consideration for each item and researches of recipes Yoongi could (with his utmost culinary skills of boiling an egg) attempt in order to have Y/N at least try something new. He made himself two mental notes: one, when he makes these, have 911 on speed dial (just in case), and two, to search up how the fuck to pronounce “açaí?”

Yoongi was choosing a bunch of spinach with ease when suddenly something popped up in front of him. And just a couple of inches away from hIs nose was a—

A pineapple?

“Hey, baby. Are you a pineapple? ‘Cause you’re one fine-apple.”

“What the hell are you doing?”

Y/N stood next to Yoongi and, still, with a pineapple held to his face, she answered, “I’m picking you up, gorgeous.” 

Yoongi rolled his eyes and swatted the yellow fruit away, “Fuck off.”

“Come on,” Y/N followed Yoongi as he stuffed the bag with spinach and made way back to the cart. “They might be corny, but I think they’re a-maize-ing!”

“I said fuck off,” Yoongi spoke. He pushed the cart over to the dairy section, where he grabbed a carton of milk and scanned the variety of cheese for a possibly healthy option—

“Hey, I know I may be cheesy. But I know you’d want a pizza this,” she gestured to herself. “Or do you prefer the whole pie?”

“Oh, fuck you for that,” Yoongi’s face twisted with distaste before pushing the cart away fast, letting Y/N shuffling behind him to catch up.

“Hey, at least take me on a date first,” Y/N pointed at the shelve of raisins and— Dammit. “But don’t worry I’ll go out with a cute-cumber like you.”

“I hate you,” he grumbled a tried focusing on the recipe he had pulled up on his phone, even he wasn’t processing a single word in front of him. 

“Oh, donut be like that,” she nudged his side. “Anyone would be glazed to hear these.”

“Look, if you want to eat decent food for once,” He turned to face Y/N who trailed behind him. “I have to follow this recipe, so shut—”

“Oh, what’s on the menu, sweetheart?” Y/N tilted her head and pointed back and forth between her and Yoongi. “Is it me-n-u?”

“For fuck’s sake,” he groaned.  

“Because I’ll have whatever you’re having if it means getting those sweet buns of yours.”

Giving up entirely, Yoongi rushed out of the aisle with a hurry, plus, the old couple beside them weren’t giving the two the kindest of looks. He sped towards an open checkout and began loading the conveyor belt Even if he hadn’t gotten all of the things he intended to buy, this was good enough if it meant leaving this shitshow of a stand-up. 

“Can we go to McDonald's after this?” Y/N came up beside Yoongi.

“No—”

“Oh, nevermind. I forgot I already have a McGorgeous right here,” and she poked his side, making him bend the slightest bit. Fuck being ticklish.  

“Yah—”

From the other side of the register, the cashier chuckled and Yoongi snapped his head over to the young lady saying, “You guys are a really cute couple.”

Yoongi’s jaw dropped and he could feel the warmth creeping up at his cheeks, but before he could deny her—

Yoongi felt arms wrap around his torso while he stood frozen with kale in one hand and a bag of oranges in another. Y/N spoke as she hugged Yoongi with a wide grin, “Thank you, at least someone appreciates my jokes.”

She looked up at Yoongi with a snarl. 

Yoongi wondered if she saw his face turn a blush color in the split of a second he took to pry off her embrace with much embarrassment. He also wondered if she heard how fast his heart pounded when she had her face that close to her head. 

He hoped her stupid ass didn’t. 

God, he hoped.

“Why the hell did you do that?” 

“Do what?”

“Run off your smart ass mouth,” Yoongi continued his path towards his car still keeping the space between himself and—

“Oh, I know you were McLovin’ it.”

“Shut up, you fucker.”

After they loaded his trunk, the two got into the car without a second loss of Yoongi's continuous nagging of how publically humiliating the grocery trip that was. 

“I’m never taking you anywhere ever again, you know that right?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Y/N drummed her finger against the dashboard with a lack of interest in what Yoongi had to say. “It’s not like I go out much often anyway.”

It was silent for a while, Yoongi thought about what Y/N had just said and, hell, it was true. You could practically mistake her for a hermit crab. She wouldn’t get out of the house, that was if it wasn’t for Yoongi and school. And he would try his best to visit her often, being the wonderful best friend he was.

“You have to get out more,” Yoongi spoke. 

“I don't see why when I can just sit in the comfort of my bed and watch ‘How I Met Your Mother’ for the fourth time.”  

“That’s not even that great of a TV show.”

“You’re point?” 

“My point is...” Yoongi turned on to the main street. The car came to a stop at a red light, the engine hummed lowly and the radio tunes sounded gently in the background. The sun was about to set and he watched its final golden rays bounce off the hood of his car. The weather was cooling and he could feel the soft breeze entering the car with the windows rolled down. Yoongi glanced over at Y/N in the passenger seat with her legs tucked against her chest, how she always sat. She was busy giggling at whatever was on her phone screen that she hadn't noticed the way the corners of Yoongi lips curved up just the slightest bit. But, that was how it had always been. 

And Yoongi hoped it would stay that way. 

"My point is," Yoongi finally continued, eyes returning back to the road. "Instead of making shitty puns. Don't you want to, I don't know, explore the world or something?"

That same way.

“Do you want to see a picture of the world?”

“What—” Yoongi turned once more although what greeted him was not Y/N but Y/N's phone. The screen illuminated brightly, it was on selfie mode and it was a display of—

“Get it?—"

—’Cause you’re my world?”

That same old stupid, stupid way.