#[[ Not tagging my babes as self harm is mentioned ]]

[fckdupfxreplay]

   Anon asked :  munday meme! 💔🐶📺💻

~~~

💔 — what are some of your worst qualities?    My self destructive nature? Probably the worst I think. I mean it more in a physical sense though. Having an odd ‘thing’ for scars doesn’t help when my self loathing is at it’s lowest. 

🐶 — any pets?      A few! I have a dog, a cat, and two lizards. I love my babies. My dream pet is a Tegu. Or a donkey. Donkeys are awesome. 

📺 — favorite movie(s) and/or tv show(s)?      I don’t really have a favourite film. But TV show? Will always be Red Dwarf. It got me through many bad days during my childhood. And even as an adult! I love going back to it every so often for a dopamine hit.

💻 — how many friends have you made in the rpc? feel free to tag a few of them!    I have made quite a few friends, over my MANY blogs. Granted, I have lost contact with most of them, but a few have stuck by despite my trash. 

   You lovelies know who you are <3

[okiedokrie]

Dress

Summary: Watching your best friend get hot was a struggle, him not fucking you was harder.

Characters/Pairing: Best Friend!Lee Chan (Dino) x Fem!Reader

Genre: smut, porn without plot there is some if you squint

AU/Trope Info: Best Friends to Fucking, College AU

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: Jealousy, some threats of body harm to self and to others mentioned, smut warnings under the cut

A/N: tagging @bitchlessdino and @the-boy-meets-evil as the main enablers of chan porn, thank you to @wonuvs for beta-reading!

Smut Warnings: Unprotected sex, marking, overstimulation, lmk if I missed anything!

Silence. Patience, pining, and anticipation. You think you might be going insane with how hard you're holding back from exploding in his face. You watch your best friend, Chan, talk to a girl, who in your opinion is too into whatever he's saying.

Like, okay, he's funny. But he's not squeeze his arm and throw your head back funny.

You're convinced if you stare hard enough you'll be able to burn a hole through the skull of this- objectively pretty- girl. Yeah, you can't get too jealous because she's gorgeous and you would've probably hated Chan if he fumbled her.

Still, that doesn't quench the burning hot jealousy you feel. The fire burning in your stomach being the catalyst for the events that followed that party. The unmistakable, ugly, green head of pure jealousy.

Chan, with his stupidly sculpted face that you've watched mature over the years, his perfect long black hair, his muscles pressing against his shirt, leather jacket, sittable nose-

You just think it's unfair how hot Chan has gotten and he still hasn't thought of fucking you. This isn't fair at all.

Just as you were about to successfully finish off the poor girl in various different ways, Chan finally noticed you stewing in your own envy; hands almost shaking from how hard you were holding back from him.

Chan excuses himself from the girl, much to your relief, to finally join your side again.

“Hey babe, you holding good here?” He says, with that signature, annoyingly charming, dopey smile of his.

“Chan, not gonna lie, I'm gonna fucking kill myself if you don't fuck me right now.” 

If Chan was surprised at your sudden horny outburst, he didn't show it. Ever the giver he is, he gives you one last dopey grin before leaning in to catch your lips in a searing kiss.

The force of the kiss caused you to drop the cup you were nursing, the warm beer spilling and soaking into the carpet, but you didn’t care—that was going to be Soonyoung's problem.

Your hands snake up from his firm chest tothe back of his neck, using it as leverage to pull yourself up to his height while pressing him to you.

You both separate from the kiss after remembering that you are, in fact, in public.

“Fuck, get me upstairs now.” You almost said in a whine, desperately clinging onto Chan like your life depended on it—and franky, it actually does.

He just giggles while gently guiding you upstairs to his room, a hand on your lower back while he guides you up the stairs. Entering his room, he stops to call for you,

“Y/n.” 

Your name on his lips made the world stop for a second. It was something simple—he's said it a thousand times—yet, the way he says it now makes you not want him as a best friend. Your name felt like a sleeper agent phrase that awakened a different level of horny in you that you didn’t think was possible.

Instead of replying, you opted to keep kissing him: his lips, his cheeks, his jaw, his neck, everywhere your lips could reach.

He falls onto the bed with a soft rustling noise from the sheets, and climbing on top of him, you greedily grind your clothed cunt on his hardening cock under his jeans. 

“Oh fuck, don't do that, not in that dress. I'm gonna cum like in my pants like a loser.” He smiles at you, nose wrinkling in a light-hearted grimace. 

“Oh, Channie,” you started, “I only got this dress so you could take it off.” 

A pathetic moan leaves him, eyes rolling to the back of his head as his hips jump, his hard cock pressing onto you.

Your lips meet his again. He swallows your sighs of content when his bulge bumps against your throbbing clit, his hands running up your thighs, hot palms dragging up the length of them under the fabric of your dress.

Grabbing handfuls of your ass, Chan keeps the pace as you continue to grind on him, swallowing each other's noises of desperation. 

Chan holds you close to him as he flips you both over, rolling you on your back, his lips reluctantly detaching from yours to trail sloppy, wet kisses down the column of your throat, letting out quiet moans at the taste of it.

Sucking on a specific spot on your neck, Chan's fingers hook on the straps of your dress to shimmy it off of you,  causing a shiver to run down your spine. Now, almost naked in front of him, you paw at his clothes. He pants as he shrugs off his jacket and takes his shirt off, your bare chests pressing against each other's as your lips meet for another feverish kiss.

“Chan, get naked quicker, please- I– I need you inside me so badly.” You whimpered, not caring if you seemed too needy because soon after, Chan's jeans and boxers are on the floor, and his hard cock slaps on his abs, his tip red, angry, leaking for you. Just looking at it, you’re convinced that thing could easily reach up to your throat. 

Ripping your panties off, Chan gets on top of you. “Fuck, you're so wet, lemme hit, babe.” Laughing, you give him the go ahead. Then, his lips are on yours, kissing you as a very large cock tries to split you open.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head, the satisfying burn of his cock occupying all of your thoughts, successfully dicknotizing you.

Chan wastes no time to set a brutal pace, his heavy balls slapping against your ass while his pelvis deliciously hits your clit. Clawing at his sheets, you let out loud, unashamed moans, not caring if someone at the relatively calm frat party downstairs heard you.

“Fuck, do you know how long I've dreamt of this? Finally getting to fuck this pussy like it's mine? Are you mine, babe?” Chan babbled, pussy drunk and distracted by your tits bouncing at the force of his thrusts.

You're no better than him, already so out of it that you can’t even process the filthy confessions leaving Chan's mouth. Licking your lips, you tilt your head up to suck marks into his skin, burgundy bruises soon blooming as his hips stutter. 

The desperate slapping sounds of your groins meeting shift to shallow ones as you both near your climaxes, Chan letting out precious little gasps and cut-off moans with every thrust.

Not doing any better than him, you whine, dragging your nails down his back, angry red lines appearing on his skin at their wake.

Then, your highs hit you at the same time, white hot pleasure seeping into your bones and boiling under your skin, ears ringing and vision blurring. With a gasp, Chan spills his load deep inside your gummy walls, making your cunt clench around him, sticking to him like a second skin.

Still in that post-orgasm bliss, Chan's hips don't stop moving. stretching your pussy with his cock over and over again, making you both dizzily cling to each other, bodies shivering, mouths drinking in the other's whimpers.

Chan was rutting his hips into yours like he'd perish if he stopped, both of you cringing from over stimulation, Chan sobbing about how good being inside of you felt. Even after just orgasming not 10 seconds ago, he's still hard and desperate to dump another load into you.

You're not sure if your night would end, even after the 4th time he made you cum.

[syoddeye]

everything I was, burning slow

price x reader. 1.2k words. title from 24thankyou.

tags: implied/referenced illness+surgeries, implied/referenced self-harm, established relationship, panic attacks, brief vomit mention, nonsexual nudity

banner from @/cafekitsune

Your mouth is dry and gritty as if you inhaled half the desert and, after a swallow, as tacky as a bowling alley floor. The side of your face is cold and wet, but you’re too busy mapping your molars with your sticky-shriveled tongue to bother lifting it. Once you confirm that all your teeth are in their crooked places, your limbs return online. You push, arm shaking, yourself onto your back. Another swallow. Tastes bitter.

When you were dragged to church as a kid, you’d lean in your seat and gaze at the vaulted ceiling and the murals of angels. Did the same with the open sky, staring at rolling clouds or blinking stars. No matter where you were, you relished how small you felt. How insignificant.

The view from the bathroom floor is a lot like that, too. Lends perspective. Partly under the toilet bowl (you’ve got to clean under here better), you stare at chipping paint and watch particulates float lazily on by. You lay there, telling yourself you’ll get up when the world stops turning. But it won’t, will it? It’s spinning and carrying on. You hear the neighbor mowing the lawn and the dog across the street barking at him. The radio is on in the living room, transitioning from music to a talk show. This is all going to carry on without you, and—

Your jaw pops, hinging open to suck in a sudden, desperate gasp for air as if you’re a fish dropped unceremoniously onto the deck of a boat. What you get, what you taste, is turbid and stifling. It tickles your windpipe and forces you to choke as your chest tightens. You clutch your shirt and silently beg the invisible fist around your heart to loosen its grip. Not again, your thoughts slur. Not again. This is getting embarrassing.

It passes. Eventually.

How long you lay there, you don’t know, but the sound of the front door opening and closing a floor down stirs you out of your stupor. You’re dimly aware of John calling for you, his voice steady and level–your name, maybe? Sheer terror and embarrassment keep you pinned on the tile, though at least it lets up just enough to let you curl into the fetal position. It’s gut-wrenching to hear his tone gradually swell from curiosity to concern. 

The bathroom door opens at last, and your eyelids squeeze shut.

“Oh, sweetheart.”

Before he touches you, the light flicks off, and he turns on the tap. He crouches. His knee skims your calves, and a warm hand slides up your back. He fixes your slightly bunched shirt, tugging it down, then rubs circles above your tailbone how you like. He’s talking, too, whispering something you know is kind and tender. It’s an internal tussle of whether or not you want to hear him. The brush of a knuckle over your temple pulls the cotton from your ears.

“–member we’re supposed to take deep breaths, yeah? Can you do that for me? In your nose, out your mouth. C’mon, with me,” He murmurs, tracing the shell of your ear as he demonstrates.

“Can’t.” It’s the first word you’ve spoken in hours. It tastes sour.

“‘Course you can. Like me, babe.” 

In. Out. In. Out. In—

“I got my results.” You croak, eyes opening in slivers. Blearily, you turn your head, looking past him to the corner of the bathroom counter.

“In a minute.” 

The hand on your back completes a few more figure eights before John hauls himself to his feet. The dull, muted sound of him punching in your passcode and typing keeps you tethered. You both hold your breath for very different reasons.

“I see,” John says a moment later, “I see.” 

With some convincing, he maneuvers your body into a seated position, leaning you against the tub. He doesn’t complain, scrubbing the toilet and floor clean of your sick and taking breaks to rub your shins and give you sips of water.

“Bed or bath?”

“Bath.”

He hoists you by the armpits and sits you on the toilet, briefly cupping your face in his hands. Scarred knuckles and palms thickened with calluses; they’re the softest things you’ve ever felt. After checking your eyes and pressing a kiss to your forehead, he starts the tub and carefully undresses you. 

“Join me?” You ask, leaning into him as he helps you step out of your jeans and underwear, fingers skimming the keloid on his shoulder blade.

A warm puff of air and a kiss to your neck. “Need or want?”

Sometimes, you need him in the shower when the shampoo bottle is impossible to lift.

“Both.”

He hums, sits you back down, then strips.

John climbs in first, offering his arm and supporting you by the hip as you follow. He situates your back to his chest, rubbing your elbows after you adjust. It’s a tight squeeze in a tub realistically meant for one, but he never complains. Steam curls off the water’s surface, and sweat beads at your neck. He kisses it anyway.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks after a time, voice rumbling through your spine.

Tracing the scars on his arm and comparing them to your own, you consider. 

When you first started dating, it took months for you to let John see you with the lights on. So used to partners seeing the brutal constellation of marks, self-inflicted and surgical, and finding reason to flip off the light. Used to them suggesting clothes with sleeves and layers. You can’t recall what changed your mind to let him have you in the morning light so long ago, but you remember how he looked at you. How, before he even really touched you, he studied each of them. Invited you to do the same. A new kind of intimacy that told you how well your bodies fit together in more ways than just the one. It lent perspective.

“Later, in bed. I’m tired.”

An arm bands around your stomach, settling you closer. You don’t feel small with John. You don’t feel insignificant.

“Alright. I’ve got you.”

You feel like the world.

[crochetspanners]

ʜᴇᴀʀᴛʙᴇᴀᴛ

tags/warnings: Ellie Williams x fem reader, fluff, angst, NOT !PROOFREAD! if u see any spelling mistakes no you didn’t. Mention of depression, death, blood, and self harm!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE OR GET TRIGGED ON THOSE TOPICS!! (I am not responsible for that whatsoever)

(very) short Summary: How do you live when your heart is ripped out of your chest?

EVERYONE says that you don’t find the love of your life till you’ve actually experienced all of life. But you know that’s not true. You knew who was the love of your life, how couldn’t you? When she did everything and anything to see you smile, hear you laugh. How when you guys would fight, no matter if she was in the right or wrong she would always apologize to you, oh and how she spoiled you, she would work extra shifts just to buy you that beautiful necklace you wanted. And it for sure hurt her bank account but it didn’t matter, seeing your reaction - she would have bought a million of those necklaces. And you didn’t care about the gifts, of course you loved and appreciated them, all you needed was her, her touch, her voice. Just her fucking presence was enough for you. She was your world, your heartbeat as you were hers.

But no one prepares you to know that the one person who mattered in life, the one person who brought joy and happiness was ripped from your fucking arms.

ONE MONTH EAILER

“babe, c’monnnn come t’ bed” you whined after Ellie who was sitting at her gaming desk, so focused on playing Minecraft (which you both loved to play) “okay, okay I’m coming” she sighed, shutting down her console and padding over to your shared bed. Crawling into the foamed mattress where you lay. “Miss me that much, baby?” She cooed in a playful tease, wrapping her arm around your shoulder and you immediately curled into her chest, your cheek smushing against it. “Shush” you smiled, tilting your head to take in her oh so familiar scent, that was just so uniquely hers. “All you do is play video games when you have a whole girl laying in your bed” You muttered, she didn’t just play video games all day. You might have been just a taaaad dramatic cause you missed her. “ah ah, don’t start, you lil brat. You know damn well all of my attention goes to you” Ellie kissed her teeth, playfully pinching your cheek. She was so fucking in love with you that. “I’m not a brat, you’re a brat” You scoffed, rolling your eyes but not able to contain the smile that peeked from your lips. “mmm okay, baby we can argue about who is the biggest brat later” Ellie let out a breath, pulling the blanket over your entwined forms, and settling into the pillows more comfortably, her eyes drooping out of exhaustion. “Now let’s sleep yeah?” She muttered, resting her cheek against the top of your head, the darkness of sleep taking her away into a land of dreams and slumber. But you couldn’t sleep, you didn’t know why you couldn’t sleep but you couldn’t. You listened to Ellie heartbeat, over and over again. Before finally speaking up. “Els..” you whispered, peering up at her half asleep form. She hummed in response, cracking one eye open to look at you. “Do you wanna know why this is my favorite way to cuddle” You asked in a sweet, soft voice, “why, baby?” Ellie asked with her sleepy voice, her hand stroke the soft planes of your back. “Because I get to listen to your heartbeat” you whispered, one of your hand coming to toy with the hem of Ellie’s tank top “my heartbeat?” She questioned in slight confusion “yeah, I like listening to it. Because it assures me that you’re here. That you’re alive and with me” you begun, chewing the inside of your cheek “that little thing in your chest, pumping and pumping to keep you alive, to keep you here with me.” You said, eyes kept on Ellie’s face. Ellie stayed silent for a long moment, before finally speaking. “This heart is never gonna stop beating for you, sweetheart” she whispered, the hand stroking your back coming to cup your cheek. “Promise?” You asked, bottom lip quivering “promise.”

TWO WEEKS AGO

“I’m gonna run to the store, angel. I’ll be right back” Ellie told you several hours ago, as she left with her pickup truck after you told her you guys are running short on groceries, you expected her back after around 2-3hours, she left at 12 and it’s now it’s almost 4pm. You thought maybe she got caught up with some friends, and forgot to tell you. But when you checked her location, it showed ‘not available’ “what the fuck” you muttered to yourself, Ellie never turned off her location - never. A million things ran through your head, could she be cheating? No, no way she would never. She would rather die than cheat on you. You decided to call her. ring, ring, ring - line - she didn’t answer, that was odd. You decided not to panic, surely she would come up, she has too.

Another several hours have passed now, and you were starting to worry, it’s almost 10 and not even a text from Ellie. What the fuck is going on, you thought to yourself. Trying so hard to not start panicking, maybe..fuck maybe she just took a nap in her car? God you were so worried. Eventually you took a nap, maybe to wake up with your loving girlfriend right by your side, safe and happy. Instead you were woken up by a loud banging on your door. You sprung up, immediately thinking it was Ellie. You almost tripped trying to get up to run to the door..but instead you were met with two police officers, holding their hats with a somber look on their faces…

PRESENT DAY

How can a body function without its heart?

You don’t know how long it’s been, how many days you have just rotted in your bed. Not having any energy to eat, or just get up and brush you teeth. God you must fucking reek. All you have the strength to do it bury yourself in Ellie’s fading scent, clutch into it and close your eyes real tight. And maybe, just maybe you’ll wake up to see her again, to be in her arms and hear her voice. Feel her touch that you oh so fucking craved. You cried, cried and cried and begged when you first heard that news. Begging god that this isn’t real, that he hasn’t taken your girl, oh your sweet girl, how could she? Leave you on this earth? Alone and miserable. Of course it wasn’t her fault, how could she predict a drunk driver ramming into the side her car and taking her away from you, taking the only reason you were walking on this earth away from you. Your family and friends have reached out to you, sending ‘prayers’ and ‘condolences’ as if that could bring back ellie. You’re ellie. You were so numb and empty you couldn’t even go to her funeral, when her father Joel reached out to you, even when the blade that cut across your arm, you couldn’t feel it. Because your heart was so empty that you had nothing else to say if it wasn’t to Ellie.

“baby..mm baby wake up” a soft voice reaches your ears, large hands gently shaking you awake. “w-what?” You asked, frantically, you were drenched in a cold sweat, forehead sticky and clothes damp. “woah, woah. It’s okay, it’s okay I’m here” Ellie cooed, cupping your cheeks and wiping your tears away with her thumbs. “ it’s okay. You’re okay, baby..” Ellie whispered, bringing your head to rest against her chest, gently rocking you. “oh my god..” you sighed in relief, hand clutching her shirt as tears burned in your eyes..”Ellie, I had such a bad dream. You..you left me, broke our promise and let your heart stop beating” you cried against her chest, Ellie shushed you, cupping the back of your head with her hand. “that wasn’t a dream, sweetheart..” She cooed, looking down at your oh so cherubic face. “what?” you breathed in confusion, not understanding. “But you were supposed to carry on, princess. You shouldn’t have done that..” she whispered, grabbing your arm that was gushing out blood from your veins, “why’d you do that, sweetheart? Why did you take your precious life away?” She asked, looking at you with such hurt, but before you could respond everything faded away, she faded away again. You shot awake, looking down to see pools of your own blood where you cut too deep..”I’m gonna see you again. I promise” you whispered as the world around you started to fade away, and you could finally rest in peace, with your sweet Ellie by your side once again.

A/N- oh my god first fic WHAAAAT. If you guys think this is garbage I’m gonna cry (it probably is)😭 ok byebye see you next time!

[bvtbxtch]

Checkmate. | Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: You thought your night couldn't get much worse, until a certain metalhead makes you an offer you can't refuse.

Pairings: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader, Fem!Reader x Original!Jock!Character, minimal usage of Y/N.

Series Warnings: MDNI!!!! 18+ smut, fluff and angst, mentions of drug and alcohol use, Eddie and Reader partake in substances and he drives, both give consent under the influence but no one is so intoxicated they don't know what they're doing, mentions of physical harm towards reader and domestic violence if you squint. Ageless or minor blogs will be blocked.

Word Count: 9.8k (Shes a mammoth, of course)\

A/N: Hello my babies thank you for coming to my ted talk. Here is my next series and I have no idea how long it will be thank you kindly. This man has just had a chokehold on my brain. This fic was inspired by the song Sex by the 1975 and Checkmate by Conan Gray. I want to say a special thank you to @darknesseddiem for being my sweet angel baby and chatting with me through some hard shit!! Love you lots! I hope you all enjoy!!

Going to tag some mutuals and my fave blogs because I would love feedback and ideas on what you would like to see next!!

@andvys @eddiemunsons-missingnipple @eddie-munsons-mullet @ali-r3n @lovebugism @trashmouth-richie

“Fuck” you gasp as you frantically look in all of your jacket pockets for any remnants of a cigarette. Your eyes clouded with tears as you tried to take deep breaths. You wish that the ground would swallow you whole as drunk teens climbed over you on the front steps of whoever’s house was hosting this weekend’s rager. You wished you talked your boyfriend out of this party - hell you wish that you were at home alone. That way this mess would have been avoided, or it could have happened in the comfort of your own home - or without being humiliated by most of the people you went to highschool with. 

You laid on Billy’s unmade bed, pulling back on your shirt and fixing your panties that had been hastily pushed to the side.

“So, is that really what you’re wearing tonight?” the blonde studied you through the mirror on his wall. He had pulled his old Hawkins tee over his curls and smoothed it over his toned stomach. 

“Wha- what’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” You peered down at your bare legs and suddenly felt self conscious. You had picked out Billy’s ‘favorite’ plaid skirt (for easy access) and paired it with an oversized one shoulder tee. Your previously perfected curls stood in a halo of frizz after your pre party escapades (which if you were feeling honest with yourself, were more pleasurable for one of you).

“It just, is like the same thing you always wear, babe. Show off that bod you got, you look like a prude” Billy sneered. You rolled your eyes as you readjusted the shirt you had donned. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t go tonight,” you mumbled. 

“What are you talking about?” the mullet of curls whirled around and glared at you. “This is the biggest party of the summer and I need to make an appearance. You know people will ask questions if you aren’t there.” He stalked up to the bed and stood over where you sat. He grabbed your chin and pressed a chaste kiss to your lips. “Plus what happens when I get too drunk and need to relieve myself in the bathroom, huh?” He snickered as he grabbed your hands and pulled you up. “Now get out of that pretty head of yours and get ready to have fun. It's like all of our favorite things. Booze, friends, music, me…” He pulled you to the door and smacked your ass as you left, you let out a yelp and a sigh as you walked to his front door. 

“Those sound like all of your favorite things.” You mumbled, but the boy did not hear you. The two of you pulled out of his driveway and raced through the sleepy streets of Hawkins.

“Who’s all gonna be there tonight?” You asked. You weren't necessarily miss congeniality when it came to the Hawkins High population. You often found solace of the likes of Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley; Steve being your neighbor since you moved to town, and Robin hardly ever leaving his side. They were the few other people who you felt fully comfortable being yourself around.

“Well of course all the boys are gonna be there, I think Harrington said he might show up, and Chrissy and the cheer girls will probably go, and… Heather will be there”He stuttered on Heather’s name, which made you look over at him. His cheeks cast a light pink glow and he glued his eyes to the road. He had never mentioned her by name before. She had always been a part of the ‘popular girls’. You were a secure person but you had a knot in your stomach. You hadn’t seen as much of your boyfriend lately, apparently going to show his alumni support at basketball games, or out with the boys. He had come back to your bed with a few suspicious looking marks on his chest and neck that he had shook off as bruises from golf with the guys. You weren’t dumb; you had your suspicions, but you found it easier to not confront him now. College applications had just gone out, and you had heard back from few. You were ready to leave Billy Hargrove and this shitty town, but the prospects were dwindling and even if you didn’t have a future, you would have someone to be with in town. You felt the stomach acid rising in your throat, making you feel sick.

“Heather, huh? You haven’t mentioned her before”

“Yeah, she has been at a few shindigs before… do you not remember?” Billy’s voice was hoarse, he was getting defensive. “Why are you getting so jealous?”

“Whatever, Hargrove. Let’s just drop it.” You had minimal energy to fight with him.

“No seriously, do you have a problem with her? Like, she’s just a girl, we’re dating. Do you seriously not trust me? Because I’ll stay stuck to your side all night if that’s what you fucking want.” His voice continued to rise as he babbled.

“Jesus fuck! I don’t care that much! You just haven’t mentioned her before. Just drop it” You scowled and turned your body to stare out the window. 

“No, you look at me” The man grabbed your arm and pulled you hard towards the console of his car. “Do you fucking think I’m stupid? I’d drop your sorry ass before I went on to someone else - and this kind of shit makes me want to drop your ass so you better fucking behave because you know what happens if I fucking dump you.” His eyes were now fixed on yours instead of the road. You pulled your arm away with no avail 

“Jesus, fine, I get it! Now let go, you’re hurting me” He let go of your arm as you threw your body towards the car door. You let a small ‘asshole’ slip out of your mouth, but he did not hear you. You rode in silence to the party. When the car stopped you opened your door and slammed it shut, leaving Billy to scramble out of his car after you. He caught up to you and grabbed your wrist.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He pouted

“Yeah whatever, let’s just drop it, okay? We’re here for a good time” you mumbled. You would do anything to get out of his grip. You needed a drink. He pulled you into his chest and planted a sloppy kiss to your mouth. He tried to stick his tongue in your mouth to deepen the kiss but you pulled away from him and led him inside with a tight lipped smile.

As the hours bled together like the alcohol on the linoleum, your brain begins to go fuzzy. Your boyfriend who was, at one time, hanging off of you, was nowhere to be found. You excuse yourself from the flip cup tournament occurring in the dining room to go to the bathroom and ground yourself from the alcohol that you had consumed. You came face to face with a girl with beautiful brown locks and big brown eyes. As soon as she looked up at you, she cast her gaze to the floor and scurried past you, a guilty smile plastered to her lips. As you made it to the end of the hallway, you were met with your boyfriend's figure. His eyes bulged out as you now stormed towards him; his hands flew to his neck.

“What the fuck is this?” you clamor, the alcohol fuelling your courage and anger. 

“What are you talking about?” You pushed Billy into the wall and grabbed his wrists. When his neck was freed, you were met with sprinkles of violet bruises and lipstick.

“Are you fucking kidding me” you laughed dryly. You pulled Derek’s shirt up to see the marks lead down his stomach and disappear at the hem of his jeans. You let go and your hand wound up to slap his cheek. He takes the hit and stalks after you as you trudge back to the party.

“Y/N wait!” Billy’s pleas garner a crowd, drunk party goers begin to form a snickering gang around the two of you.

“Tell Heather I say hey, and stay the fuck away from me okay?” You turn on your heel and head for the front door.

“You want a puff of mine?” You hear a familiar voice ask you. You feel a soft thump and warmth beside you. You look over and you are met with dazzling chocolate brown eyes, a mop of curly bangs and a lopsided smile. The boy has a joint pinched between his fingers and is holding it between the two of you. You can smell the alcohol and weed radiating off of him, but unlike most of the people here, it brings you comfort. You don’t condone taking anything from strangers but tonight you needed it - and he wasn’t a stranger. Not really.

“Thanks” you whisper as you take the joint from his hands and place it in your mouth. The boy flicks his zippo and holds it to the joint in your mouth. When he pulls away, he spends what seems like hours studying your face. Your face was flushed, but you were pale. Your brows were furrowed in (what he thought was) the most beautiful way. Your lipstick had left a distant stain on your mouth and your mascara had just begun to smudge under your eyes. You looked tired, and you had obviously been crying. Eddie thinks you’re the most interesting and beautiful person he has seen tonight. He had thought you were beautiful when he had bumped into you in the hallways, or shared a friendly wave under the bleachers during a smoke break; but seeing you up close was worlds different. He feels addicted to your face already - maybe it was the beers and weed talking, but he couldn’t look away.

“How much do I owe you, Munson?” you mouthed through the joint.

“Owe me? Princess, you wound me! This one is free of charge.” Eddie quips as he throws his hands to his heart. He smiles as he plucks the joint from your lips, takes a puff, and places it back in your mouth. As little as you had talked to the metalhead in school, you remembered always being intrigued by him. Your gaze often rested on him as he made an ass out of himself. You often caught yourself smiling with him. His face always felt so kind and welcoming, a welcome change from the cruel judgmental stares of the population of Hawkins High. The only reason you weren’t eaten alive was because of Billy. Without him, you would have been the freaky new girl.  But you also knew that Eddie Munson’s reputation preceded him: although he was labeled the freak, he was one of the few drug dealers in Hawkins, which also made him a hot commodity with the female population - and was masterful with skills that pertained to them (apparently).

“Totally free, huh? No strings attached?” you teased as you knocked your shoulder into his. 

“Nah, pretty girl clause. I don’t charge for them… especially when they’ve been crying” His smile fell as he examined you. You met his eyes briefly but you couldn’t keep his gaze.. You glued your eyes to your sneakers. Eddie grabbed your chin softly and raised your face to meet his. 

“Pretty girls like you shouldn’t be outside of a party crying, you should be making the boys inside cry” he thumbed at a rogue tear that fell down your face, then grabbed the joint from you again. Your breath hitched as he blew smoke back at your face. 

“Tell me what’s going on.” You have no idea why, but you trusted him with your predicament. 

“My-my boyfriend… I just caught him with another girl.” You laugh at yourself as the words fall out of your mouth. You never thought you would be the pathetic girl babbling to someone about her shitty life, but here you are. Eddie’s eyes harden and he begins to tense his jaw. 

“Who’s your boyfriend?” he growls. 

“Umm, his name is Billy”

“Fuck- no way, Billy Hargrove did this to you? What a fucking prick! What are you gonna do?”

“Nothing tonight. It’s not even worth it.” You slump. Wiping your eyes, you look back up to Eddie and smile. “Sorry, don’t mean to be a buzzkill. You can go back inside if you want, Eddie. I shouldn’t be bothering you with my shit.”

“Sweetheart, wherever you are feels like it's the most interesting place to be… now if I go inside, I would really hope that you would join me because the two of us can’t have much fun at this party if you’re out here alone, now can we?” Both you and Eddie blush furiously. His words went straight to the pit of your stomach. You didn’t know what you deserved for him to be so nice to you, but you hope that it doesn’t stop. Eddie jumps up onto his feet and stands in front of you, his hands reaching out to yours to pull you up. For a split second, you felt unsure of yourself. You stopped before Eddie led you back up the porch steps towards the house. 

“You aren’t being nice to me just to get in my pants are you, Munson?” Although you try your best to hide it, insecurity seeps through your voice. 

“Normally I would be flattered, but I can tell that’s the opposite of what you need right now. If you would let me, Y/N, I would love to go shotgun a beer with you and have fun at a party, that’s it.” Eddie’s smile is genuine. His eyes are soft and he smiles warmly at you. For the first time in what seemed like hours, you smiled a genuine smile. With a small ‘lets go’, you let Eddie lead you back into the party.

After a few more drinks, you find yourself across from Eddie in a circle of drunk teens. A beer bottle centered between all of you. You were never one for drinking games like this, but tonight you need a change, you want to do something you normally never would, thanks to your new drinking companion. What you don't anticipate is your boyfriend entering the circle, Heather not far behind him. Your gaze hardens as you see him fold his legs into a seated position. He looked angry at you, which fuelled your rage even more - how the fuck could he be mad at you? Your eyes peel from his form, to the lanky metalhead sitting across from you. He mouths the words ' it's okay’ then sends you a wink, your posture relaxed and you focus all of your attention at the mop head across the circle from you, not the boy you thought loved you. 

A few rounds of the bottle, a few rounds of kisses, a few rounds of laughs. You are enjoying reacting to what was happening in the game of spin the bottle until the glass in the center lands on you. Time seems to stand still as you feel your heartbeat in your ears. Eddie’s face drops as he watches you, sensing your panic. He looks down at his hands and picks his thumbnails, not wanting to see the hot mess that was going to unfold in front of him. He was too pissed at your boyfriend to watch you - a literal angel - kiss someone who had hurt you so bad. 

You felt your eyes beginning to well up with tears, feeling like you only had one choice in the circle full of strangers. You could hear some of them laughing at you - obviously knowing of what had transpired between you and Billy before. You look around desperately, hoping there is some way you could take your leave, then you make eye contact with the boy that had his stare trained on the floor. Your heart pounds harder as you unravel your legs and crawl across the circle - in the opposite direction of where your boyfriend was sitting. There are gasps and oohs escaping the crowd as you inch your way closer to the boy you were going to kiss. Eddie looks up at the commotion and instantly turns flush as his stare meets yours. You seem calm, but Eddie’s hands begin to shake. He makes the mistake of glancing over at Billy, who is bright red and clenching his fists. Was this really happening? 

Eddie uncrosses his own legs and leans back on his hands, ready to receive you. As you meet his legs, he holds his breath. You slink up his body and when your face was close enough for Eddie to feel your breath on his face, you part your legs and sit into his lap. Eddie’s breath immediately hitches as everyone in the room falls silent. His arms fly to hover around your waist as your arms wrap around his neck. You gently lean in and close your eyes, giving Eddie a chance to pull away if he wanted to (but lord knows he didn’t). Your lips meet softly and you feel everything around you still. Eddie’s lips are chapped, but still feel soft against yours. You move your face to the side slightly for Eddie to deepen the kiss. His tongue glides across your lip as a permission to deepen your embrace further. You hum into him and he takes advantage, his tongue softly roaming the inside of your mouth, battling your own tongue. Your stomach backflips as Eddie grabs the side of your face, your squirm in his lap causes him to moan softly into your mouth. Everything felt spinny in the best way possible, you grab onto Eddie as you are afraid the euphoria was going to send you floating away. Suddenly, you feel a tight grip on your arm and you are being pulled to your feet from behind. You’re separated from Eddie with a smack of your mouths, and you are left to gaze at him in total awe as you are dragged out of the room backwards.The grip on your arm pulls you around the corner and it wasn’t until Eddie was fully out of sight that you felt any sort of panic.

Your back hit the wall with a thud and you were instantly trapped between two large biceps. You stare up at furious baby blue eyes glaring back at you. Billy’s hot breath fans over your face.

“What the fuck was that, Y/N? Are you fucking kidding me?” he slurs through gritted teeth. The vein on his neck was beginning to pop out. You’ve seen this vein many times before. The alcohol and intoxicating kiss were going to your head and the idea of your hypocrite boyfriend getting mad at you for a stupid spin the bottle game after he had fucked someone else gave you the giggles. You let a small one slip past your lips. Billy slams his hands against the wall that leaves a ring in your ears and your chest tightening. Your giggle fades and smile drops instantly. 

“Fucking humiliate me like that again and I will fucking ruin you. You got it? You wanna do anything in this town, you want to see anyone, I’ll make sure you can’t. University? That fucking gross record store you work at? Gone. I’ll fucking own your life if you do that shit to me ever again. I can’t believe you would do something like that to me.”

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me, right? You’re the one that’s mad at me?” you sneer. Derek takes a step back like you have punched him in the gut. “Go cry on Heather’s shoulder, because as far as I’m concerned, I’m single tonight. Fuck my life up just as hard as you fucked Heather in the bathroom.” The furious figure's hand forms a hard fist at his side. He looks like he is getting ready to wind up and hit you and you wince prematurely in anticipation…

Eddie sits in the circle completely stunned; your lips still burned onto his. It took him several seconds for his breathing to steady and for him to realize where he was: in front of a crowd of drunk teens that now look at him wide eyed, saying nothing. It also took him moments to realize that you were in fact sitting on his lap, but now were not. He runs his hands through his curls and offers his audience a tight lipped smile as he leans over and spins the bottle again. He rises from his seat and sets off after your figure, which had just disappeared around the corner. He floats over to where he could see your shadow, knees still shaky from going weak underneath your body. What he is greeted with snaps him out of his daze.

“Hey, is this dickhead bothering you?” a welcome voice rang in your ear and saves you in the knick of time. You look over to the side and see the once soft and dazzling brown irises are cold, his lopsided smile curved into a frown and his jaw was tense. Billy’s eyes meet with Eddie’s and you swear you see smoke coming out of his ears. 

“Fuck off, Munson. This is between me and my girlfriend , so why don’t you find some other desperate slut to take home and leave her alone, okay?” He pushes two fingers into Eddie’s shoulder.

“Woah, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” you snap.

“It’s alright, sweetheart. The meathead needs to take his aggression out on someone, apparently the fuck in the bathroom didn’t do it for him” Eddie snarls, puffing his chest out, inviting Derek to make a move. 

“Sweetheart? I’ll fucking-” Derek goes to swing at the metalhead’s face but you insert yourself between the two of them. 

“Both of you, back the fuck up. I am so not in the fucking mood.” You push Eddie away, towards the front door. Eddie’s eyes are trained on the enraged boy, ensuring he stays planted in the hallway. Your boyfriend’s hands are held in fists so hard that you imagine there’s crescent shapes etching into his palms. Once you were a safe distance away, Eddie’s gaze shifts to your hands pushing on his chest. He grabs them and pulls you to the entryway of the house. His eyes soften when they land on you, his face now painted with worry.

“Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you, did he? I’ll fucking kill him if he-”

“Relax, Munson. I’m okay. He’s pissed. I guess he has the right to be.” 

“Are you kidding? You have every right to be pissed at him! The way I see it, you just got revenge - which I am happy to have helped facilitate by the way.” To Eddie’s surprise, your retort to his comment was a wholehearted chuckle. He looks at you in amused bewilderment as you give him a hearty laugh. Your nose scrunches up and your eyes begin to water. Eddie’s heart soars, he thinks he could get used to seeing you like this. He takes a mental picture that he hopes will last him forever. Your laugh is infectious and soon he joins you. Your head leans into his chest and he is holding you to ground himself as well - feeling like he was going to explode with glee just being around you. Your laughing settles and you peered up at your savior, your eyes becoming cloudy with anxiety.

“Hey, this party kind of blows” he scoffs. “You wanna go?” he rubs circles into your shoulder comfortingly. You lean into his touch and smile softly. 

“Yeah, I am ready to get the fuck out of here. Walk me home?”

“Oh, sweetheart. I’ll do you one better.” Eddie grabs your hand and leads you to the door. As you shut the door behind you, you make eye contact with Heather, who is staring wide eyed at you. You felt sorry for her. As difficult as it felt, you let the thought of her marks down your boyfriend’s body disappear with her figure behind the door. 

You shiver in the damp summer twilight. Hawkins had been blistering hot during the daytime, but the nights were a welcome pause. You take a deep inhale of fresh air as you catch up to Eddie at the end of the driveway. You walk with him in comfortable silence. The streetlights encapsulate Eddie in a halo of light, his pale skin glowing and eyes shining. The more you study the mop headed boy, the faster your heart beats. Once you have rounded the corner of the sidewalk the boy grabs your hand. You flinch, but squeeze his hand tightly in appreciation. Why was he being so nice to you today? Are you just a lay for tonight or is he genuinely interested in you? As much as you wanted it to be genuine, you remind yourself that anything to distract you from this night was welcome. And he was in fact a pretty cute distraction.

“I’m sorry your boyfriend’s a dick” he utters. He bumps his shoulder with yours as your eyes turn to the pavement beneath your converse.  

“Yeah, it’s okay I guess.” Eddie could feel you shutting down. Your grip loosens on his hand.

“You don’t deserve that, you know?” Eddie stops walking and pulls you to face him. You roll your eyes and scoff at him.

“Alright, Munson. Take it easy, if you keep this up I might think that you like me or something”

“But, I do like you.” Eddie retorts. His answer blindsides you. He can’t mean he likes you like that. Plus you have a boyfriend.

“You don’t even know me.”

“Well, I know that kiss wasn’t just a normal kiss” Eddie’s eyes bored into you, full of a comforting darkness that was unfamiliar to you.. A coldness ran through your veins and you felt your breath catch in your throat. “Here’s what I’m thinking. We give you some matching marks that your boyfriend has. We can have fun tonight and you can forget about what you saw at that party. Or we enjoy the ride back to your house and we say goodnight and I still go home feeling like the luckiest guy in the world because I got to kiss a really beautiful girl tonight. What do you say? Van’s right here.”

Your cheeks are hot and the butterflies in your stomach feel like they are going to fly out of your body. Your mouth feels dry and your head is spinning. Did he really just offer to sleep with you to get back at Billy? Would you even be able to bring yourself to do it? But the kiss… You couldn’t stop picturing the kiss. It felt perfect. It felt like he was the only person that you were supposed to kiss. If your shitty boyfriend was off with someone else, why shouldn’t you have fun too? You stand in contemplative silence for a moment, then look up at Eddie with your big doe eyes. He feels like he could fall apart right then. You nod feverishly at him. He studies your face closely to make sure there was no hesitation, then his eyes darken with excitement and something that you could not read.

Eddie lunges into you like you are his prey. His hands fly to your hips and he pushes you onto the side of his van. Your mouth opens to let him deepen the kiss and he hums into you. Your butterflies move from your stomach to your core as Eddie puts his knee in between your legs. You break the kiss to catch your breath, giving the brunette prime real estate at your neck. He traces kisses from the side of your mouth to your pulse point, then he bites down hard - garnering a sharp gasp from you. You feel Eddie chuckle against your skin. He drags his tongue against the new bruise that was forming to soothe the dull ache. 

“Eddie” you gasp, feeling the strength slipping from your legs, you needed more from him. Eddie raises his head from your neck. His golden eyes bore into you with pure lust and passion, but he is considerate; he studies your face closely, looking for any trace of hesitancy. He pushes his weight off of you and gives you air. 

“You okay? This is okay right?” God, you feel as if you were going to drown in his eyes. His voice is saccharine sweet and you want to melt into him. But there was a sickly pang of guilt, knowing that you were doing all of this behind your boyfriend’s back. No matter how shitty he was, you couldn’t help but feel bad. But Eddie making you feel this good was too difficult to ignore; so, you decide that you can feel bad later - now it was time for you to give in to what feels good. 

“Yeah, we should get going,” you pant. You pull at the lapels of his vest so he is back on you, your lips feeling lonely without him. You feel Eddie pawing at the passenger door of his van to the left of you. Once he gets it unlocked, he lifts you by the hips and sits you on the passenger seat, but instead of detaching himself from your lips, he grabs at your thighs so they wrap around his lean waist. A shock wave of pleasure shoots straight to your core as you feel Eddie’s calloused hands trace up your thighs. His cool rings send shivers down your spine and spread heat to your core. You push your body closer to Eddie’s, which warrants a moan into your mouth. Eddie’s beginning to sweat, he feels like he could explode any minute. The feeling of your core just a few layers of where he wants you the most drives him wild. His hands wander to the hem of your skirt and up the top of your thighs. You use his infatuation with your legs to mouth at his neck. You pepper soft pecks to his Adam's apple, pulling a hard gulp from the boy. Your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest in anticipation of what was going to come next. You spread a blotchy galaxy of bruises across his neck, but when you bite down on his pulse point, you hear a growl in the back of Eddie’s throat that takes your breath away.

“Fuck, sweetheart. You’re driving me crazy, you know that?” His hands travel further up your legs and rest at your hip, toying with the hem of your panties. You wiggle your hips as silent encouragement. Eddie hooks his fingers around the soft cotton of your underwear and pulls them down cautiously, giving you plenty of time to stop him if needed. The summer breeze hits your core and you shiver. Eddie gasps once he has your panties in his hand. 

“Cute underwear. This all for me? You’re so wet already” he coos as he scrunches the fabric into his hand. “I’m gonna have to take these as a souvenir, if you don’t mind” You roll your eyes and laugh, but your smile fades as Eddie drops to his knees in front of you, never breaking eye contact with you. 

“E-Eddie, what are you doing? We can’t do this in the middle of the road” you protest, pulling your skirt down and tugging your knees together.

“Then you better be quiet so we don’t get caught”. Eddie returns his hands to your thighs and traces over your knees so he can pull your legs back open. With a sigh, you give in. Eddie gives you a reassuring smirk, then presses a kiss to your knee. It feels like it is getting harder and harder to take steady breaths as you watch the beautiful boy beneath you plant chaste kisses up your thigh. You felt like you were going to suffocate the closer he got to where you wanted him the most, the anticipation strangling you like a noose. You wriggle in the seat, head pulled down to examine what the metalhead was doing beneath you. 

“Such a pretty pussy, baby” Eddie's praises went straight to your core and you let out a strained moan. Eddie sent a pointed look up to you, warning you to keep quiet. You bite down on your lip as the boy disappears under the small amount of skirt left covering your decency. Eddie presses small kisses around your cunt, making you twitch with every move. You’re getting desperate for some release and Eddie could tell. Your hips subtly thrust towards his face and you can feel a smile on the next teasing kiss.

“Eddie, please, please,” your calls sound like prayers to him and he could get used to hearing the hymn coming from you. He decides to relieve you from your distress and takes a long swipe along your folds. You wrack out a mewl so sensual Eddie felt like he could cum right then. His tongue felt euphoric and he hums praise into you as he takes another swipe. 

“Pussy tastes so good, princess. You’re so sweet” Eddie says before his lips bare down on your clit, sending your head jolting back in ecstasy. One of your hands flies to the roof of the van, the other in Eddie’s hair. As you claw at his scalp, Eddie doubles down on your heat, sending you closer and closer over the edge. 

“Eddie, please, I’m so close” you pant.

“Come on, Y/N. Cum for me” Eddie encourages, probing a finger into your throbbing core. Eddie fixates his tongue on your clit, ensuring his eyes can watch your face as you fall apart over him. His finger curls expertly inside you, encouraging your orgasm to radiate through your body. Before you can register what was happening, your chest grows tight and you lose all feelings in your legs, a euphoric sob is pulled from your lungs and you couldn’t help but tighten your grip in Eddie’s hair, to his delight. Eddie moans into your core as he works you through, feeling hardly able to control his own high as well. When you moan again, Eddie detaches his mouth from you and swiftly raises to his feet. His hand cupped over your mouth as he continued to pump in and out of you, pushing you to overstimulation. You mewl beneath Eddie’s hand and he scolds you.

“Now, this is how you get us caught, sweetheart.” Eddie peers down each side of the sidewalk, luckily no one had seen the two of you. Eddie pulls his fingers out of your cunt and takes his hand off of your mouth, giving you an opportunity to catch your breath. Chest heaving, feeling high solely off of your orgasm, you swoon as you watch Eddie take the fingers that are covered in your essence and pop them into his mouth, sucking them clean.

“Get in the back, pretty girl” Eddie demands. You shake your head as you hop off the seat, legs wobbly and head spinning. You take Eddie’s hand and climb into the now open sliding door, giving Eddie a beautiful shot of your glistening pussy under your skirt. He curses to himself as he climbs in after you. 

You take in the sights of the back of Eddie’s van and although it isn’t necessarily clean, it is cozy and you immediately feel comfortable being there with him. There are a few throw pillows tossed haphazardly in the corner, along with a few blankets strewn out on the floor. Cassettes littered whatever area they could claim and various metal posters decorated the walls. To your surprise, a line of wrapped condoms sat in one of the cupholders. 

Eddie’s mouth was back on you as soon as he closed the door. The taste of your own essence and the weed you had smoked earlier made you feel high all over again. Eddie sits back against one of the van’s walls and guides you by the hips into his lap. The feeling of his rough denim on your bare core riled you up and again you were a mewling mess on his lap.

“Take this off, I wanna see you” Eddie mutters as he fumbles with the hem of your T-shirt. You fling off your shirt as Eddie ogles at your figure. His hands drift to your breasts and he moans in satisfaction.

“If I take mine off, you gotta take yours off” you tease. Eddie happily obliges you and pulls his shirt off. You were finally able to fully take in the boy's beautiful alabaster skin. You admired the dark ink that danced along his muscles and the neat lining of hair that leads to where you want to see the most. As much as you appreciated the distraction, you did find yourself truly appreciating Eddie for his looks as well as his sexual prowess. He truly was beautiful and looked even more so looking up at you with a fucked out stare, eyeing you like you were his whole universe. Eddie mouthed at the edge of your bra as he reaches around your back to unclasp your pesky straps. Your moans and breaths invigorate him even more and you could now feel his erection growing furiously hard beneath you. When your bra falls from your shoulders, Eddie captures one of your nipples in his mouth, while pawing at your other breast. You wanted his mouth to become a permanent fixture of your body. He felt so natural being there, and you couldn’t get enough. Your hands land on Eddie’s pecs, feeling the muscles moving beneath you, you claw down his stomach. Eddie hisses into your skin, loving the pain. You fumble with his belt beneath you, impatient to get his pants off. Again, you feel Eddie’s smirk against your skin. He separates himself from you to assist you in unclasping his belt and pants.

“Impatient girl,” he teases.

“Just get your pants off, Munson” You want your response to sound confident and sassy, but you are getting desperate, and your voice sounds whiny and breathy. It made Eddie laugh in confidence. He could ask you to do anything for him and you would do it right now, he knew that. 

Eddie grabs your wrists that were still frantically trying to get into his pants and he pulls them away. You wriggle off of him and watch with bated breath as the boy peels off his jeans. Your eyes widen at the erection that Eddie is sporting. You couldn’t help yourself - you reach to him and run your hand across his bulge, eliciting a hiss from the boy. You flinch, but return your hand.

“Is this okay?” you question with sickly sweet care. Eddie could cum right this second.

“More than okay, princess,” he sighs. “Feels so fucking good already”. You place yourself between the boy’s legs and continue to rub at him, squeezing his length and rubbing your hands over his sensitive head every few strokes. 

You understand how Eddie could get off by pleasuring you, because the sounds he was making sent heat straight to your core. His sighs and praises left you with a bewildered smile on your face. Your fingers curl beneath Eddie’s plaid boxers and he held his breath. You share a look, ensuring each other that you were both okay with going forward. You free Eddie’s cock and it flexes up towards his bellybutton. He is large - both exceptionally long and girthy. His veins trace the underside of his cock and lead to his weeping, pink tip. You feel your mouth watering as you lower yourself to Eddie’s waist. Your eyes peer up at him as you take one long swipe at him with your tongue. Eddie's eyes roll to the back of his head as he lets out a groan. You tease his tip, taking it into your mouth and swirling your tongue around his slit. Eddie’s hand finds purchase in your hair, stroking and pulling softly to ground himself. He was desperate to cum, he could just let himself go in this second, but then he wouldn’t be able to take full advantage of the time he has with you.

“Fuck, babe. You feel so good on my cock” Eddie’s praise encouraged you to take as much of Eddie that would fit in your mouth, and sucked back up his length. You bob on his cock until your eyes are watering. You milk Eddie for all of his sweet sounds and touches. You take a moment to look up at the boy and you are met with one of the most beautiful sights you have ever seen. 

Eddie’s mouth was parted slightly. His bangs were beginning to stick to his forehead from the heat in the van. The rest of his hair settled on his shoulders, curls beginning to frizz. His brows were perfectly furrowed in concentration. His eyes pressed shut. A red flush formed on his face. He looked angelic. You could get used to looking at him like this: a moaning mess underneath you. You push Eddie’s cock further into your mouth and hold it there. Eddie’s eyes fling open in ecstasy and he looks down at you. He also thinks this is one of the best sights he’s ever seen. Then he feels you gag and he feels like his soul has left his body.

You moan into him then you gag, pulling back to catch your breath. Suddenly, Eddie is pushing you back against the opposite wall of the van.

“Eddie wha-”

“As much as I love seeing you choke on my cock, I can’t fucking hold on anymore. I need your pussy,” Eddie pleads as he undos the zipper on your skirt. You assist him in pulling it off as he reaches into his cup holder and grabs a small silver foil. He rips it open with his teeth and hisses as he slides the condom onto his penis. You felt a pang of nerves now. Being so close and intimate to Eddie felt so evil - he wasn’t your boyfriend. But it felt so right. Your pussy quivered just thinking of him being inside you. Eddie positioned between your legs. He rubbed his head between your folds, evoking moans from both of you.

“Fuck, you’re still so wet. You like sucking my dick, huh?” Eddie quips.

“Unff. Eddie, I love it.” You jolt as his head rubs at your clit. “Please, Eddie. Need you”

Eddie's eyes drop to where you are connected and he lines himself up with your entrance. He slowly presses in with a low growl. 

“Fuck. You’re sucking me in”

“So big Eddie. Fuck” You pant. He had gotten barely half way and you felt deliciously full already. The stretch, mixing pleasure and pain. He is a perfect gentleman in taking his time with you. You admire his self control. You could tell going slow was not easy for him. His brows were furrowed even harder than before, his breath short and raspy. Finally, Eddie bottoms out. You felt like you were going to lose control too. You whimper underneath the metalhead.

“It's okay baby, you take my cock so well” Eddie’s hand came up to stroke your face gently, a brash juxtaposition to the lewd act you were both participating in. You turn your cheek and open your mouth on Eddie’s thumb. You look up at him with your watery eyes and suck down hard. Eddie thought he was going to collapse right then and there. 

Eddie pulls himself all the way back out of you, instantly making you feel empty. You’re overwhelmed with fullness and pleasure as his cock rams back into you. You can’t help but yell out in pleasure. You bite your lip and cover your mouth with your hands. Eddie begins fucking into you at a ruthless pace. He pulls your hand from your mouth .

“Don’t stop those noises. I wanna hear you” he coos, pulling a sob from you. His cock hits just the right spot and you could feel yourself hurling towards the second orgasm of the night. 

“E-Eddie… m’close. Please don’t stop” you whine. Eddie smiles down at you, quickening his pace. His hand flies down to where the two of you meet and while muttering endless praises, rubs precise circles on your clit. You feel Eddie’s hips stutter as he watches your eyes roll to the back of your head and gasp as your orgasm falls on you. Your pussy has Eddie in a vice and he could barely hold back his own finish, but he was determined to work you through your climax, to make you feel as good as you can for as long as he could. He can feel your legs shaking beneath him and sees tears well up in your eyes. As you push his hands away from your sensitive clit, he puts his hands beneath your back and pulls you into his lap. Your hands fly to the wall of the van. Eddie fucks into your pussy at a dizzying pace, so hard that you felt that you could barely hold on.

“That’s right baby, bounce on that cock like a good girl. Take it” You whine at his words while your pussy throbs from your ebbing orgasm. You look around and suddenly feel a pang of jealousy. You wondered how many girls he had done this with in the back of his van - hell, anywhere. Were you just another conquest? What makes you different? Eddie saw an opportunity and he took it; and as hypocritical as you were, you hated thinking that he was going to leave the party and go see someone else. You look down at Eddie, his hair surrounding him like a halo, his cheeks fully flushed and sweat dripping down his face. 

“Come for me, Eddie.”

“Wha-”

“Come for me. Come on, I wanna see you cum” Your eyes darken with lust and never left his face. You could feel his dick twitching inside of you and his breath shallowed. With a grunt and a few hard thrusts, you could feel Eddie’s cock being milked for all it was worth. You almost wish that he wasn’t wearing a condom so you could really feel him. His hips settle and you put your weight down on Eddie’s body, both heaving and sweaty. You let out a small giggle but Eddie studies your face closely, something is happening behind your eyes. Something’s wrong.

“Hey” , his voice was soft and tender. “Everything okay?”

“What? Of course. That was… that was great” you sigh, but Eddie doesn’t seem convinced. You roll off of him and lay to his right, looking into his beautiful brown eyes. 

“If you regret it we don’t have to do it ever again and you can pretend like you don’t know me” Eddie’s eyes darted from yours and a dry laugh left his lips. Was Eddie Munson insecure? 

“Eddie, that was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I don’t regret it at all” you smile at him. You can feel his muscles relax beside you and his face sank into his usual dopey smile. You weren’t lying. Things with your boyfriend had been… tense to say the least. 

The movie playing out of Billy’s old pick up truck was drowned out by wet smacks against your neck. As usual, your boyfriend ignored your requests to not be marked up and was in the middle of gnawing at you when his hands started to migrate to your thigh. You nudged his hand away, but he persisted, swatting your hand away from his. This time, he wrapped his strong arms around your waist. His kisses traveled down to your collar bone and he played with the hem of your shirt.

“Babe, we’re in public.” You scolded him, pushing him off of you. You had begun to feel like everyone around you was aware of what you were doing. You weren’t afraid of taking some risks, but you were just not feeling it tonight. 

“Yeah, and the public is watching a movie, so relax.” Billy presses his kiss-swollen lips to yours and forces his tongue into your mouth. You took your hands and pressed against his pecks to push him off. 

“I don’t want to do this right now, Hargrove. Seriously.” You turned your whole body against the door, away from him. He scoffed at you and you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks. 

“So you wear a skimpy little dress like that and you agree to come to the drive in with me just to actually sit and fucking watch a movie? Or are you dressing up for someone else? Andy works here right? Is that who it’s for?” His voice raised with every word he spat at you. You could feel the tears starting to prick at your eyes. But you wouldn’t cry for him - you didn’t want to give him what he wants. You’re pulled out of your thoughts as a death grip engulfs your bicep. Billy pulls you to him, so close that you can feel his breath fanning on your face. Your breath gets caught in your throat.

“Don’t joke like that, Billy. I would never.”

“Prove it to me then.”

“Wh-what” you whimpered. 

“Prove to me how much you love me.”

“Billy… please” 

“Prove. It.” he seethed. He let your arm go and pushed you towards the passenger door.  He leaned back and undid his jeans.

He raised his arms behind his head in satisfaction as you held back tears. You opened the truck door and slammed it, trudging towards the small concession to ask Robin for a ride home. 

You and Eddie wrangle your clothes, sharing small laughs and pleasant conversation. You both share another joint as you both stall ending the night. Finally, the conversation lulls and you’re afraid the time has come for you to go home. Eddie lets out a lazy yawn and you can’t help but admire his treasure trail that peeks out over his jeans as he stretches his arms above his head. 

“You getting tired?” he inquires, fidgeting with his rings.

“Yeah, I could sleep,” you admit. It was close to three in the morning and not only had you been up for almost 24 hours, you were so emotionally exhausted, feeling whiplash from your eventful evening. “I can let you go home,” you get up to open the van door, but Eddie grabs you by the waist and pulls you back into him. You giggle giddily. It’s been a long time since you have enjoyed being manhandled, but all of Eddie’s intentions seem so sickly sweet you couldn’t help but blush.

“Woah woah woah. You think I am going to let you walk home looking like that” He snorts.

“Looking like what?”

“Fucking gorgeous, and fucked out’. Eddie’s eyes rake over your figure again, sending heat back straight to your core. “Plus, I still have your underwear and there’s no way in hell you’re gonna walk home without those.”

“Well, you could give them back then,” you retort

“Not a chance in hell, sweetheart” He lands a chaste peck on your cheek before unwrapping his arms from you. He swings open the sliding door and hops out. Galivantly, he spins on his heel and offers his hand out to you. You take it and hop down onto the sidewalk. He opens the passenger door for you and helps you in. Once you are settled, he entraps you between his arms and leans his face close to yours. His eyes flicker between your mouth and eyes and he licks his lips. Suddenly, both of your movements feel more intimate. You meet him in the middle and lift your hand up to his cheek, he flinches at your touch, but quickly melts into you. Your mouths meld together perfectly and you would be content with staying like this forever. Eddie pulls away and rests his forehead against yours and offers you a sweet smile. He closes the door, leaving you for moments of silence. You can’t help but smile into your lap and touch your lips, still burning with the metalhead’s kiss. 

He turns the ignition and turns the radio up, Black Sabbath ringing through the van. You tell Eddie your address and he turns off of the low lit neighborhood road. There was a comfortable silence between the two of you but you saw Eddie’s hand twitch a few times. He wanted to reach out and touch you so bad, already feeling so starved of your energy. His Adam's apple bobs and he slowly reaches out to touch your knee. Eddie’s warmth sends butterflies to your stomach. Never have you felt so cared for by someone, let alone a random revenge hook up. You feel conflicted. As you stare out the window you couldn’t help but feel like a bad person - not for sleeping with Eddie, but for sleeping with someone with the intent to hurt your boyfriend. At least when Billy did it, you thought, it might have just been a mistake or getting caught up in the moment. You went out and sought out an action to hurt him on purpose. But fucking Eddie felt too good, and from the conversation you had after spin the bottle, it was clear to you that you were just an object for Billy’s interest. When he was done with you he would move on and get what he wanted from someone else. So, should you feel bad about finding something - someone you like being with? You couldn’t break up with Billy, you wanted to forget about this whole night but his words will ring out in your brain and heart forever. You let out a deep sigh and relax into Eddie’s seat.

“What’s eating you, sweet thing?” Eddie squeezes your thigh and you flash him a tight, but kind smile. 

“It’s just been an… interesting night.”

“Listen-” Eddie turns down the radio so Ozzy Osbourne is a mere whisper. “I don’t want you to feel bad about what we did. I don’t want you to be upset at yourself for that. So, if you want to forget this thing happened, I do understand. Really” His puppy dog eyes flickered between the road and your face, looking for any clues to what was going on in your head. You are such a mystery and he so desperately wanted to continue figuring you out, but, like you, your boyfriend seemed to be the only thing on his mind. You rub your lips together, deep in thought. 

“Eddie, I don’t regret what we did at all. But, I mean I do feel bad. I cheated on my boyfriend… but he’s a piece of shit” you mumble. “I don’t want you to feel bad either. I had a lot of fun tonight. I was being honest when I said this was the most fun I’ve had in a long time, I promise.” You grab the hand resting on your thigh and give it a squeeze.

Eddie’s heart could beat right out of his chest. There was a twist of guilt in your voice but you seemed… different. You aren’t sad. You don’t seem angry. You seem similar to Eddie: enamored with the person you are looking at. It gives him hope that he could selfishly go home and think there is a chance that he might see you again. A comfortable silence falls upon the two of you, both giddy at the contact and reassurance you have both received, but your eyes stay cloudy. Even though Eddie doesn’t know you well, he can tell you are still deep in thought about something. It makes him nervous not knowing what about. Did he do something wrong? Are you going to tell him that this was all a joke and you never want to see him again? Eddie dreads turning onto your street, he’s not ready to say goodnight and potentially goodbye. He begrudgingly pulls into your small driveway and turns the key in the ignition. The console light illuminates your faces and Eddie is sure he is looking at an angel. Your soft eyes peer at him through thick lashes and you bite your swollen lips.

“I, umm, I had a thought” you peep. Eddie nods at you in encouragement to keep going.

“I mean… If my boyfriend is going to fuck around behind my back, why can’t I do the same, you know?” You fiddle with the rings on Eddie’s fingers that are still in your lap. “I mean, he’s practically holding the relationship hostage so why can’t I have fun behind his back too?” You peer up at the boy whose eyes soften when you do. He could tell you were nervous to say this to him, scared of being judged. Little did he know, you were also worried that this was just some random fuck for him too. 

“Eddie, I was wondering if you wanted to make an… arrangement” you stop fiddling with his rings and your eyes bore into him; full of hope and desire. A smile quickly spread across Eddie’s face. 

“Hmmm, yeah, sweetheart. I think we could make that work.” You smile down at your hands, worried that if you look too hard into Eddie’s eyes, there would be no way you would ever make it out of them. Your eyes spot a sharpie laying on the floor of your seat. You reach down and pick it up. Eddie shoots you a questioning look but lets you grab his hand anyway. Trying not to shake too badly, you neatly scribble your phone number on his hand. When you let go of him, Eddie looks at his hand in awe, like he has just won a million dollars. The truth is he felt like he had. He would tattoo your number on his skin if it meant that he would be able to see you again. You bombard his internal celebration with a peck on his cheek.

“Thank you for the ride, Eddie.”

“Which one?” He quips. You smile but roll your eyes as you regretfully pull away from him and hop out of the van. 

“You better call me tomorrow.” you warn 

“Sweetheart, it's gonna take everything in me not to call you as soon as I get home.” Eddie’s smile was from ear to ear. Heat rises to your cheeks and your heart feels like it’s going to beat out of your chest. You turn and walk up the driveway with a matching grin. This night went from bad to worse to the best night you think you’ve ever had. 

Like the perfect gentleman, Eddie waits until he sees your door close before he pulls out of your driveway. When you close and lock your door you are met with silence and darkness, but you felt as though your joy could light the whole neighborhood. You slide down your front door and pull your knees to your chest. You let out a content sigh, followed by a giggle. If Billy wants to fuck around. He’s gonna find out. He thought that you would sit around and be walked all over? Absolutely not. He might think that he’ll win the heartbreak, but with your new arrangement with a beautiful brunette? Checkmate.

[freshbakedbreadstick]

No. 1 Party Anthem - Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader - Chapter One

Past!Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader

Carmy Berzatto x F!Platonic!Reader

Richie Herimovich x F!Platonic!Reader

Summary: You finally grab the bear by its ears and face it head on, despite all the unanswered questions. 

Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of the content. Heavy spoilers. Mentions of self harm, grief, death, mental health issues, strained relationships, smoking.

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: OMG thank you all for all the kind words and love ! ! ! I'm gonna b honest with you all, after i posted the prologue I completely logged out of my account for the week LOL I was SO nervous abt it and so I just left it alone 😭 but I'm back with the first official chapter ! Also, I am opening the taglist for this series, so please let me know if you want to be tagged ! Thank you to one of you lovely readers for asking about that ❤️ your comment was very appreciate bc tbh I completely forgot abt even considering making one 💀 thank u babes ily and I hope you all enjoy !!!

Taglist: @marysucks-blog

PROLOGUE / MASTERLIST

The rumble and honk of a car driving quickly down the street took you out of your thoughts. 

Here you were, once again, on the sidewalk and across the street from The Beef. This time, it was not some odd hour of the night but rather 4 o'clock in the evening. 

After tossing and turning all night long, you rose early that morning much to the insistence of your mom and dad, who were very much eager to get you to reunite with Natalie, with bags under your eyes and stiff joints. You trudged around the house, jumping at every small noise that somewhat resembled the notification sound of your phone, before finally giving up and plopping down on the sofa to send Sugar a text. 

'Hi Sugar, it's me. Nice to talk to you again. I'll swing by The Beef at around 4 if that's okay with you.' 

About 5 minutes later, a loud buzz made you drop a glass of water to the floor.

'Of course! I'm so happy to hear from you! I can't wait (:' 

You could feel a pit forming in your stomach as you read the message. You can practically hear the way her voice lifts in excitement as you read it. To make matters worse, the smiley face felt like it had a mind of its own and it was taunting you. It practically said 'Remember the good days? Remember how close you and Sugar were? Before everything happened?' 

With a shallow breath, you threw your phone onto the nearest soft surface and scooped the broken glass up with your bare hands.  

Your parents fussed around you all afternoon before you left. At first, they said it was to make sure you were okay with going over there but it became pretty clear that they were pretty much just making sure you weren't going to back out. While you understood why they were chasing you around like a chick chased their mother hen, you got tired of it really quickly.

"Mom, I'm serious, I'm okay!" You insisted, pulling your shoe on and pausing at the threshold of the front door. 

"Are you sure? Do you want us to come with you? How about you let us drive you-" 

"I'm fine!! I'm going now!" 

With a sigh, your mother glances at your father before nodding, "Alright honey, be safe." 

With a weak smile, you headed off. 

And now here you were, finding yourself halfway down the street and being honked at by someone in their car. 

Snapping back to the present after replaying your hectic morning, you jump at the realization that you were unconsciously halfway across the street and heading towards The Beef.

"GET OUT THE WAY!" The person in the car yelled, sticking their head out the window. 

You ran to the sidewalk and half slammed your body against the wall, chest heaving. You had no idea what took over you and made you move without thinking but here you are now, in front of the same place you vowed to never be at again after Mikey's death: The Beef.

"Fuck…" you murmured to yourself, trying desperately to catch your breath as you closed your eyes. 

Focusing on the sounds of tires on pavement and rustling leaves on trees, you took a breath. You counted from 1 to 100 and then back to 1 again. You then opened your eyes and counted 5 things you could see, 4 things you could touch…

With a hard swallow, you turned around, ready to walk to the front door now. It was past 4 now but from the messages you got earlier from Sugar, you knew that there was 'no rush' and to just 'come in the front door'. 

"I can do this, I can do this…" you whispered to yourself and lightly jumped in place, hyping yourself up. 

You pushed forward, rounding the corner of the wall and to the front door, when BAM! Some guy just slams into you. 

You fly backward, stumbling as you try your hardest to avoid falling onto the pavement. 

"Watch it, idiot!" Some guy in a high vis vest barks at you before marching away with a wrapped sandwich in his hand. 

You stare, mouth open in silent shock and confusion, unable to respond. If this guy had bumped into you about a year ago, you would have practically beat him up yourself. Mikey would've had to come out of the restaurant and drag you off the guy, laughing and cheering all the way. His strong arms would wrap around you and somehow lift you up and off, voice husky in your ear as he alternates between voicing good humored apologies to the guy who had the misfortune of being an asshole to you and murmuring about how hot you looked while you defended yourself.

But in this moment, all you could do was regain the little confidence you had and go back to the task at hand: walking in. 

You swallow before standing up straight, plastering on a faux confident but cool grin onto your face. With your head held high in a way that you used to do but doesn't feel like you anymore, you jam a fist into your pocket and use your other free hand to push the front door open and waltz in. 

Cooly, you scan the empty restaurant. It seems like the lunch rush was very much over by now and the last customer for a while before the dinner rush had crashed into you and left moments before. So now, it was just you and The Beef. 

"Give me one sec!" A loud and charmingly obnoxious voice yelled from the kitchen. 

Your facade slipped as you heard this voice. Instantly, your shoulders sagged as you let out a quiet but pained laugh under your breath. 

The booming voice of Richie got louder and louder as he came out of the kitchen and to the counter, "How can I help you-" 

He paused. You immediately stood up straight again, a wide and sly but fake grin spreading over your face. 

Richie blinked, frozen. His eyes were wide and mouth had dropped slightly open.

After a couple seconds, the awkwardness started to set in for you, prompting you to speak up, "Jesus, Richie, you look like you've seen a ghost." 

In an instant, Richie snapped back to reality with a grin on his face, "COUSIN!" 

You winced at the volume, apparently not being the only one as you heard a couple muffled groans and protests from the kitchen as well as someone saying "what?!"

Richie threw his arms out, wide, before dropping them and racing around the counter to you. With a laugh, Richie's arms enveloped you, squeezing tight. 

You stiffened up immediately, feeling bad for not reciprocating instantly like you used to do. But whether or not that bothered Richie, you would never know because as fast as he enveloped you in a hug, he pulled away. 

"Cousin, what the hell are you doing this side of the country, huh?!" He grinned and placed his hands on his hips. 

"Oh my gosh!" Another voice said. 

Your head whipped to see Sugar at the doorway to the kitchen. She clutched a clipboard in her arms but as both of your eyes connected, she let it fall to the floor with a clatter. 

You can see her eyes well with tears as she raced around the counter to join you and Richie and as she got closer, she blinked them away. A wary smile appeared on her lips as she stood next to you, making her look a cross between nervous and relieved. 

"Richie, give her some space. Oh my gosh, hi!!" Natalie gasped. 

You winced a bit and smiled, "Hey…" 

You wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and stay there forever. 

"Shit cousin, I had no idea you were coming here! If you let us know beforehand, we could've made you a welcome party or, or, or something!" Richie said, ignoring Natalie. 

"How the hell have you been? How was it out west? I heard you got back in town but had no clue you were coming over here to visit!" Richie continued, going on and on and on. 

You stared at him, eyeing the way he looked rugged and much more tired than usual. But Richie was the same old Richie, loud and brash but caring when he wanted to be. 

Your eyes wandered from Richie's frame over to Natalie, who seemed to be analyzing your body silently. Her eyes were filled with worry and her fingers rapidly intertwined with themselves as she gave you a look that meant to say, 'Is this okay? Are you okay?'

You glance back at Richie before your eyes fell behind the two and to the entrance of the kitchen where a crowd had formed. 

And in front of that crowd was Carmy. 

Your shoulders tensed up, visibly enough to make Natalie perk up and whip her head around to see what you were staring at and make Richie go silent. The two glanced at Carmy and, unbeknownst to you, gave him a look of warning. 

Carmy wiped his hands on the towel he had and stared back, silent. His body language was unreadable and you couldn't tell whether or not he was upset at seeing you. Either way, you could feel the hair on the back of your neck stand. 

"Carmy…" you said, voice hoarse. 

You cleared your throat and awkwardly nodded, acknowledging those around him. You recognized a couple faces and others seemed unfamiliar but either way, they all looked at you with curious and cautious eyes. 

After stewing in silence for a bit, Sugar spoke up, "Carmy… say hello". 

Carmy blinked, eyes still set on you making you feel pinned to the spot. You could feel your breakfast swirl in your stomach as his eyes glared into you, analyzing your every move. Finally, he nodded and turned around, making the crowd behind him part like the red sea as he moved back into the kitchen. 

Suddenly, another face appeared in the doorway of the kitchen before yelling out your name excitedly. Fak came racing out of the kitchen, following the same path that Richie and Natalie took, before stopping in front of you.

"Holy shit!," he exclaimed happily, "Your home!" 

Your shoulder sagged. 

Home. 

You were home. 

He giggled to himself, not at all noticing your reaction "I haven't seen you in forever, how are you?" 

"Jesus man, give her some space she just arrived," Richie began, already launching into an argument. 

"What do you mean? I'm perfectly fine!" Fak said, head snapping over to Richie before the two began to bicker. 

Natalie rolled her eyes at them and turned to you, still concerned, "Just ignore them. Are you okay, sweetie?" 

You stood up straight again, wiping the wide eyed expression you didn't even know you had on your face for one with a lazy smile, "Yea, I'm okay." 

She reached her arm out, hesitating for a second to see if you would reject her, before resting her hand on your forearm when you seemed okay with it. She gently ushered you around the bickering men and behind the counter, to the kitchen. The crowd watching dispersed with curious eyes and kind smiles from those you recognized, letting you two pass through. 

As you walked through the kitchen, gulping as your eyes retraced each corner and crevice you had tried to forget about, your eyes stopped briefly to look at Carmy. With his back towards you, he silently chopped some vegetables, seemingly ignoring what was happening around him. 

"Here we are," Sugar said, quietly announcing to you to get your attention. 

You turned and dug your heels into the ground, soles squeaking as you did so. Sugar jumped back and glanced at you. 

"Can we… I'd rather we talk outside." You announce, voice wavering in a way that made your previous confident persona waver. 

Right in front of you stood the door to the office; an office you were very much familiar with as you too had spent many times there. All those memories, all bittersweet at this point, came rushing back; the nights you spent arguing over bills and paperwork with Mikey, the days you came with a bag of donuts from your favorite shop nearby, the intimate moments where your and his lips connected behind the closed door, the moments in which you hid in the office and cried your heart out. 

Sugar noticed the way your eyes had become misty and promptly led you to the back door of the kitchen and to the alleyway.

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, that's okay. We can talk here.” she said soothingly.

Her voice was so comforting, making you feel nauseous. You hated the way that Sugar would always act very motherly, even when you were all kids. 

With a shaky breath, you nodded and smiled anxiously, “I'm okay Sugar, you don’t need to worry.”

Glancing at you, Sugar smiled softly. But her smile quickly dropped when she scanned your features, taking in your face again. 

“You look,” she began quietly, “You look good.”

You chuckled to yourself, knowing damn well that she was wrong, “Thanks, you too.”

Richie bursts out the back door, with Fak in town, still bickering.

“My God you two, just stop!” Sugar yells, getting the two to finally snap their mouths shut. 

Fak playfully salutes Sugar, a knowing look on his face while Richie rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. 

“Yea whatever. I’m just happy to see you again, cousin.” Richie says, directing his body to you, with a tone of softness in his voice that felt so foreign that it made you shiver. 

“It’s nice to see you too,” you said softly, rubbing your hands on your thighs.

It was silent for a bit as the four of you all glanced at one another, unsure where to start and what to say. Each party had so much they wanted to say to each other at that moment, but you knew that the three people standing before you had the most to say to you. 

Carmy came out the back door, silent and unsurprised to see the four of you glance in his direction. He closed the door behind him and stood off to the side, away from all of you. He then proceeded to take out a pack and light a cigarette, quietly puffing. 

“Cousin, did you even say hello? It’s rude as hell to just ignore her,” Richie said, a bit agitated at his dismissive behavior.

Yet Carmy ignored him, staring out to the side and away from you all, his blue eyes flickering, but refusing to even glance in your direction.

You could feel your eyes prickle and your throat tighten, regretting even showing up. Carmy was the one person you haven't seen the longest and here he was, ignoring you as if you didn’t even exist.

“Hey,” Richie barked, taking you out of your thoughts, “At least look at her!”

Richie began to stomp forward to Carmy, making you and Sugar flinch as you watched. Fak moved forward, reaching out to Richie and mumbling quietly to get him to stop. Right before Richie could grab Carmy by the shoulder, Carmy spoke up.

“I’m glad you're okay.”

Your mouth dried up.

His eyes turned to you and all you could see in them was pained understanding. He knew you weren’t okay; an okay person wouldn’t just pack up and leave the night after her boyfriend’s funeral. But, he saw that you were alive and the fact that you showed up here after so long meant something. 

It meant that now you were okay.

“Thanks Carmy” you said, making everyone’s head turn to you. 

Richie rocked his jaw and nodded silently, stepping back from Carmy. 

The three of them watched as Carmy lifted his box of cigarettes and offered one to you. They then watched as you walked forward, arms that had wrapped around your body falling, to grab one. He fished his worn lighter from his pocket, carefully lighting the cig you held around your lips for you, before pocketing it and leaning back against the wall.

You take a deep drag, letting the nicotine smoke fill your lungs before exhaling. It soothed your nerves, reminding you of the moments that you spent outside with Carmy, avoiding the yells from inside the house during a Berzatto family event. 

Suddenly, a deep funny feeling began to strew about in your belly. It felt odd and you tried to suppress it, but you just couldn’t help it. You barked out a laugh. 

It surprised you and everyone, not at all expecting it. You felt your cheeks heat up, horrified as to why you just laughed. 

You breathed in, only for it to come out as another laugh. Your horror was then replaced with amusement, making you laugh even harder. 

Sugar, Fak, and Richie all averted their gazes, a mixture of remorse and shame written all over their faces. 

You laughed even harder, slamming your back against the wall before sliding into a crouch. Your body shook so hard as you laughed, barely able to keep the cigarette between your fingers. 

Carmy looked away, an empty look on his face as he too chuckled to himself. 

After laughing so much that your belly began to hurt, you finally spoke up between dissolving giggles, “What the fuck am i even doing here!?”

Natalie turned her back to everyone, clutching her body in her arms. Fak walked forward and gently placed a hand on your shoulder. You didn’t even look at him as he hooked one of his arms under your arm and helped you up from the floor to stand against the wall again. Your knees buckled slightly as you continued giggling and wheezing in an attempt to catch your breath.

Fak stepped back and sighed softly, watching your chest heave as your breathing began to stabilize. 

An uncomfortable silence fell as you caught your breath, leaving the four of you in limbo to listen to a couple cars pass by and the wind blow softly by.

Carmy straightened up, making everyone except Sugar turn to him. He dropped the cigarette he was smoking and crushed it under his shoe. He then reached behind him to untie the knot of his apron and then moved to his neck where he took it off completely. He thrusted it forward, pushing it to you.

“Okay Chef, break is over.” He said. 

You looked over at him, finding no fear or sadness on his face, before nodding and grabbing the apron. He stepped back and turned, moving to open the back door and step inside. 

Sugar, Fak, and Richie all turned to you.

“Break is over,” you repeated and began to tie the apron around yourself before opening the backdoor and walking back inside. 

[thatsthewrongwallcraig]

babe, first of all, I hope you doing well 🥰 and second, but not least important, i'll do love if write some toxic fluffy whith jack, where, after a argument, she hurts or puts herself in dangerous just to get revenge, but nothing really serius happens to her, they reconizing they're not in a helth reletionship, but they gonna try to be better for eachother, you also can add some smut if you like, but this is not part of the request. hope you liked the idea, but if you don't, let me know

xoxo

My dearest anon...this is a lot of things but not exactly fluffy and I'm sorry if I went too hard on it but toxic Jack Thurlow had me short circuiting 😵‍💫😵‍💫

The Pain Remains

Summary: This time you really lost the plot for good and now all you can do is to clean up your act.

Pairing: Jack Thurlow x fem!Reader

Word Count: ~1.6k

Content Warnings: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT! 18+!, Grim Dark Smut, Active Self Harm, Jealousy, Borderline Very Toxic Relationship, Two Idiots In Love Trying To Do Better, It's Very Mentally Ill In Here, Mutual Substance Abuse, Very Shitty Coping Mechanisms, Strong Hints Towards Sex Addiction, Mentions Of Public Sex, Angsty As Fuck, Positive Ending, Tho 🙆🏻‍♀️!

A/N: I know, this is a rather heavy one and if anyone of you feels the need to talk to someone: My DMs are always open. Don't hesitate to reach out!🖤

Tagging The Squad:

@crypticsewerslut @quicksilversg1rl @cc-luvr @icarus-star @milaeth @roryculkinsgf @roryculkinsbf @spookyorchid @arch1viste @whoareyoi @angelsanarchy @b4sementgrl @blueberrypancakesworld

If the past is just dust

Then the future could be our dream

If all we have is now, this eternity

Ignite my satisfaction, engulf me

- The Pain Remains I By Lorna Shore

Before you even really woke up, you were forced to acknowledge the raging hangover headache in your head. With eyes closed shut, you turned to the side, your hand haphazardly roaming over the silhouette of Jack's body, looking for a glimpse of comforting body heat or just anything to get your racing mind to shut up for a second.

How did you get into bed? At what time did you fall onto the mattress next to him?

You had no clue about any of that as you pressed your body against his back, the pungent aftertaste of cheap rum still lingering heavily on your tongue.

"Fucking hell…" You groaned into the nape of his neck, your nose buried deep in his curly, brown hair and yet you could still smell the remnants of last night's pot extravaganza all throughout the bedroom.

What in the everloving fuck had the two of you been up to last night? With relentlessly firing synapses and painfully overdriven neurons you searched your mind for answers, a flicker of a memory, at this point anything, really.

You couldn't help yourself but to let your face contort into various tortured grimaces as the rest of your body slowly came to. Your stomach felt horribly fucked and in dire need for something solid, although the mere thought of food alone had you nearly gagging. No, you needed something else to take the edge off before you even so much as got out of bed.

Whilst inhaling deep, unsteady breaths, you soaked in the calming smell of Jack's body; a mixture of pheromone-loaded sweat, musky deodorant and soft hints of vanilla coke.

Vanilla coke spiked with cheap rum. Your stomach dropped and turned in every possible direction at the reminder. Nearly every weekend played out in the same shit show again and again: Booze to kill the anxiety, weed to elevate your spirit and nearly deranged amounts of sex to eradicate and simply drown out every last painful sentiment that could possibly be felt.

On that notion your lips curled up into a crooked smile whilst your reader fingertips grazed down your boyfriends gently rising and falling again chest, gingerly drawing a circle or two around his navel before eventually tapping down to the waistband of his black and gray checkered shorts, a throbbing case of morning wood straining against the fabric already. Sucking your bottom lip between your teeth in a low gasp, you simply indulged yourself and allowed your hand to slip right past the waistband, fingers wrapping themselves around Jack's girth tenderly.

"Goddamn minx!" Jack hissed into the darkened bedroom and involuntarily jutted his hips against your hand.

"Want me to stop?" You whispered into the soft skin of his shoulder before biting down on it teasingly.

"No, please.", His voice was raspy enough to give you a broad idea about how much the two of you must've smoked last night, "I'm equal parts hungover and horny as fuck."

"Yeah, I thought so." You snickered while you started fisting his cock, generously smearing the pre-cum all over the sensitive tip to not stroke him sore with a dry palm.

"You're a fucking menace, you know that?" Jack stuttered, choking back a breathy moan while rocking is lap in quick rolls, practically fucking himself into your grip.

"Says the lunatic who'll take every and any given chance to fumble me in public? Finger fucking me in the cinema, really?" With a mischievous grin spreading all across your face, you fondly remembered that happening a few days ago.

"C'mon, you enjoyed that, cumming all over the seat like you did." Jack shot right back at you.

"Fair enough." You agreed, tightening the grip around his hard on slightly to drag a shaky sigh from his lips.

"Fuck, you know I can't last long that early into the day." Jack practically whined out, his hips thrusting harshly against your hand while you jerked him off.

"Oh, poor, little Jack." Your playfully mocking voice got lost in the glossy curls of his hair as you felt his entire body turning stiff against your torso.

"Say that again… please!" Jack was clearly about to come undone, needing that little push of humiliation to push past the threshold.

"Oh, you sick fuck.", You sneered into his ear, the tip of your nose hardly touching its shell, "Poor, little Jack Thurlow creaming his boxers just after a few minutes already, huh?"

"Good god, fuck, you're so mean!" It cascaded out of his mouth in a guttural moan as he rutted against your hand in a few last, shaky thrusts before white-hot ropes of cum ruined his boxers and your hand alike.

The milky fluid spouted all over your fingers and eventually down your wrist, causing a very sudden, sharp pinch of simmering pain.

"What the hell?!" You hissed and withdrew your hands from Jack's crotch, raising it up for the both of you to stare right at the scene of the crime.

"What…" Jack mumbled under his breath, his eyes going wide in shock.

Thin yet vigorous cuts thrown all over your wrist, bright red with inflammation and laced with a milky layer of Jack's cum, laughing right in your face about the current state of your mental health.

"What…no…NO!" Your voice flailed and trembled as you stared at your wrist with thrashing disbelief.

"I was clean for a year! This…this isn't happening, no!" A dull pang of pain shot right through your dehydrated head as you basically jumped off the mattress and stumbled towards the bathroom, nearly tripping over scattered clothing and a glass bong.

Unbridled waves of shame and disgusting rippled through your system as a supernova of blacked-out memories decided to implode inside your head. You'd been pissed last night, even furious with Jack about something…yeah..fuck..a call. Was it call? Yeah, of course, a call from is ex-fiancé Cleo, that fucking cunt. Dumped him because she couldn't handle Jack the way you could and now trying to patch things up again. Stupid twat.

"Hey, wait!" You heard Jack calling out to you from behind, coming right after you.

Your out of control body fell against the door frame of the bathroom as you hurried towards the sink, yanking at the faucet for icy cold water to cascade over your violated wrist. It stung and you winced at the sharp pain.

"Are you okay? What the hell happened!?" Jack huffed, only stopping in steps as he was right behind you, making his presence known by cupping your jittery frame with his body, his chin resting on your shoulder as his slender hands wrapped themselves around yours under the running faucet.

His thumb ghosted over the cuts, gently washing himself off of your sore skin.

"Obviously not, asshole!" It shot right out of you and you regretted it immediately.

"Hey, watch that mouth! Right now is not the time for that." He mumbled into the crook of your neck.

"Fuck, sorry… I really lost the plot this time, huh?" Your voice was but a meak whimper.

"Maybe, but I got you. This is a temporary setback, yes, but not the end of the world, you hear me?" His tone rendered soft as he tried to calm you down.

"The cuts are shallow and if we take good care of them they'll heal without leaving a single scar. It'll be okay, yeah?" By now the water numbed your wrist out to the point that you didn't feel his thumb wiping you clean anymore.

"Uh-huh…I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for being such a fucking psycho, Jack." The shame and self-loathing doubled down on you, dragging you into an inevitable breakdown.

"Stop that right there! You're not a psycho and I don't love you any less, you understand?", He pressed himself to you as impossibly close as he could, "A little slip up like that won't scare me. I'll go through that hell right here with you, I promise. I'll never go anywhere and just leave you like that."

Everything inside of you came falling down, every painful emotion amped up by the raging hangover that ruled over your shaking muscles and you just let yourself fall against Jack in eventual defeat.

"I got you and we'll handle that together!"

[blackangelism]

hi everyone so this user hates my guts with her whole heart BUT the ask was mentioning me (see my pinned post) so i needed to.

THAT POST IS CAMP.

let me explain.

camp : A sensibility that revels in artifice, stylization, theatricalization, irony, playfulness, and exaggeration rather than content.

when i post stuff like that (i do admire pelle a lot irl, but im talking about those posts specifically), im NOT BEING SERIOUS. im playing a role which adds to an aestheticism, an image, in my head. he was a wonderful artist and i find a lot of comfort within him because i struggle with a lot of similar things, but in all actuality, i dont think im his anything (i actually know for a fact he'd either hate me or just not care).

@pe11e0hlins-realwife sort of scared to tag you because i know you dont like me in the slightest, but i thought i should because i do like you actually. i really want you to be happy. sure, i think what you do is fucking extreme, but that doesn't subtract from the fact that you're a human who deserves love and happiness. i sincerely hope you get better and maybe we can be civil and bond over struggles.

anyways, here's the rant, a.k.a me being petty as fuck (seperate section for actual rational stuff and now here's the section for me being my age)

the joke of the millenia is calling me a coquette blog. BABYGIRL if you think IM coquette then im sorry you need a grasp on coquettes first to throw around that term. SECOND yes im grammar and spelling police i have admitted that multiple times and its something I just can't help: pet peeves, ever heard of them?

also, suicide and self harm and depression are VERY serious topics. i am a self harmer and i am depressed—that is something i find similar in me and pelle which is why i find him and his art comforting. because it reminds me that im not alone. ffs.

AND ALSO i... dont even post about lana del rey a lot...? i used to, but i dont anymore. people change. ever heard that?

BUT HONESTLY OMG the way you said to uhm... i dont know her name but the girl i tagged up above, that she's starting to think she's me (no offense to you honey the asker is simply shitty that we should castrate or smth) MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A CELEBRITY OMG TYSM BABE

anywaysss im done with this shit < 3

EVERYONE take care of yourself. I LOVE YOU and even if you hate me, i most likely do not hate you back. and i hope everyone now understands what personas, pet peeves and camp is. you learn smth new everydayyyy

mwah.

[crooked-haven]

Surprise! | Jeon Jungkook Oneshot

➭ Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x (F) Reader

➭ Genre: Angst & Fluff

➭ Warnings/Tags: Cursing, Sad, Betrayal, 2 Author Povs, 1 Y/n Pov.

➭ Disclaimer: All members of BTS are faces and name claims for this story. This is entirely a work of fiction and by no means is meant to be a projection, judgment or representation of real-life people. Any scenarios or representations of the people and places mentioned in works are purely coincidental. Also this is my story so please don’t steal!

➭ By: Serendipity_haven (Taexxgukkie & crooked-haven)

Word count: 0.9k

-Author's POV-

Jungkook and y/n had been together for two years. They were high school sweethearts, but now they were both in college, living together and deeply in love. Or so it seemed.

One day, after a particularly long day of classes, y/n came home to find Jungkook sitting on the couch with a funny look on his face, nose deep into his phone, clearly smiling about something.

"Hey, babe." he said. "I have something I want to show you."

Y/n, always eager to see what her boyfriend was up to, walked over and leaned in to look at his phone, before she could see what was on the screen, Jungkook quickly pulled it away and locked it.

"What's going on?" she asked, confused but not completely oblivious to the glimpse of a heart next to a girls name she saw. "I have a surprise for you." Jungkook said, grinning.

Y/n didn't know what to make of this. She had never been one for surprises, but Jungkook was always full of them. So she sat down next to him and waited. After a moment, Jungkook stood up and said, "Follow me."

Y/n trailed behind him up their carpeted stairs, wondering what he had planned, smiling at all the possibilities. He led her into their shared bedroom and closed the door gently. "Okay, close your eyes." he said in an eager tone.

Finally what seemed like hours, he spoke in almost a teasing manner. "Okay, open your eyes."

-Your POV-

I slowly opened my eyes, and what I saw made my heart instantly sink. Jungkook was standing there, holding hands with another girl.

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and could feel the lump growing in my throat. I can't believe that Jungkook would do this to me, and the worst part was the way the other girl was staring at me, smug and self-satisfied.

Jungkook broke out into a grin as my eyes slowly started tearing up, I had no idea he was ever capable of something so heinous.

"Gotcha!" he said, breaking out into a fit of laughter. I was stunned. I have never seen Jungkook act like this. I have no idea what to say or do. Finally, I say in a shaky voice, tears rolling down my cheeks. "What's g-going on?"

"It's a prank!" Jungkook said, still grinning yet still holding hands with the unknown girl. "I wanted to see how you'd react if you thought I was cheating on you." He stepped forward as I stepped backwards. He let the girls hand go.

I couldn't believe it. I had been so scared and hurt, and now Jungkook was just laughing it off like it was no big deal. I took a deep breath, sniffing as I watch the female awkwardly leave. "That's not funny." I said, getting up from the bed. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry baby." he pouted, still smiling. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to see how you'd react."

"Well, I reacted pretty badly." I said, crossing my arms, suddenly feeling insecure. "Why would you ever think that's okay?" I wiped my tears away with the sleeves of my, well his hoodie.

"I don't know.." he said in a low tone, his smile fading, and looking down at his feet. "I guess I just wanted to have a little fun..." he mumbled out, clearly feeling guilty of what he's done.

I sighed. I don't know how to feel about this. I am hurt and confused, but part of me also understands that Jungkook had meant no harm, yet the burning in my chest at the thought of no longer having him, made it hurt worse.

"I think I need some time to myself." I said, walking towards the door of our shared room. "Wait baby!" He said in rather a whisper than a yell, following behind me, only stopping at the top of the stairs. "Don't leave please, we can talk about this." I shake my head no and walk to the living room.

-Author's POV-

Y/n was hurt, and she didn't want to talk. She wanted to be left alone so she could understand all the feelings attacking one another inside her chest. So with that, he grabbed his jacket and keys, texting his best friend, Taehyung, that he was on the way and left their shared apartment, giving y/n the space she desired.

He messed up big time.

End♡︎

A/n-

I have been getting back into the quick oneshots, but I hope you enjoyed this one, this was a bit of a cliffhanger and I may add a part 2 to it.

Anyways! If you enjoyed don't forget to comment and give me a ♥️, it's much appreciated!!

Follow me on my instagram where I make kpop games, dating doors, and even post my stories there!

Instagram: kpop.dating.games2013

Until next time!! 💕

[sirthisisa-wendys]

UVE BEEN WRITING SO MUCH BENKEI STUFF OMG U CAN REJECT IF U WANT 😭😭😭😭😭 this topic is also like, pretty sensitive but maybe Benkei comforting reader who has sh scars? It'd highkey make me very happy since it's been a struggle 💕

I'm not rejecting this wtf I love Keizo Arashi and I dID NOT EARN MY SPOT AS ONE OF THE TOP WRITERS FOR HIS TAG FOR NOThinNNNgggGG!!!!!!!!! I'm GONNA WRITE IT

Cicatrix: Keizo Arashi x Fem!Reader

wc: 971

tw: mentions of self-harm

masterlist

You stare at the sunshine beating down on the pavement ahead of you. Winter is long gone, and so is your excuse for hiding yourself inside sweatshirts, sweaters, cardigans, long pants, or anything that would hide your arms and legs from the wandering eye.

"Babe, aren't you hot?" Keizo wonders, his face contorting as you walk with him across the street. He's dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans with his head uncovered. "It's like eighty degrees out here."

"I'm fine," you urge him, smiling. "I just get cold easily."

You hadn't found the chance to open your deepest secret to your boyfriend, but you knew the day would come. It would be months before Keizo mentioned it again, though.

That time, you were sitting on the couch with Keizo, dozing off as the TV played a rerun of an old sitcom. Keizo focuses on the show as you're cuddled up next to him.

"It's a little warm," he whispers, looking over at you. "You want to take your sweatshirt off?"

"I'm okay," you murmur, nestling closer under his arm.

"Okay, I'm gonna turn the A/C on." He moves to turn the air conditioning down a few degrees. You do feel guilty for making him turn the air on, but you know you've got to keep appearances up, even though you were terribly hot. Keizo climbs back onto the sofa and lets you rest on him, your head fitting just right on his chest while he continues to binge-watch his show.

Only an hour or so later, you hear Keizo rumbling to himself, his mouth muttering words you can't quite comprehend in the middle of your sleep.

"Baby, I'm gonna take your sweatshirt off. You're sweating a lot." You drag yourself from the depths of sleep to attempt to stop him, but the deed is halfway done when you shake yourself out of your comfort and into the genuine discomfort of--

Your fingers grab your outerwear as it surrounds your head, clutching it protectively before Keizo can see. "You're really warm," Keizo reassures you, and you know you're sweating, but it's a small price to pay to keep your secret hidden. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine," you urge him, pulling the damp sweatshirt back on. "It's fine."

"It doesn't sound fine," he presses, frowning. "I'm not going to hurt you, y/n. I just want you to be comfortable."

"Keizo, I'm fine. I said I wasn't hot."

"But you were sweating. A lot. Are you afraid I'll dislike what I see under there?" he teases, but when he sees the look on your face, he stops. "I'm sorry, y/n."

"You don't have to be sorry about anything." Your words don't reassure Keizo, though. He tilts his head to the side, blinking.

"You know I love how you look, regardless of how you feel about it."

"I know," you nod slowly, trying not to crack under pressure.

"I just want to ensure you know I'll never be offended about your appearance. We're taking things slow and not rushing into... things," he continues, wrapping his arms around you. "That doesn't mean I'll never want to be intimate with you. And if you have an insecurity, I want you to feel confident enough to tell me. Deal?"

"D-deal," you mutter, looking down at your arms. Keizo kisses your cheek and lays back down on the couch.

"You can lay on me again if you want. I won't try to take off your sweatshirt. Promise."

"Can we..." You pause, considering your request. "Can we maybe take a shower together?"

"Sure," Keizo nods. "It would be smart before we go to sleep."

In the semi-darkness of the bathroom, you undress on your own. Keizo is just outside the door, waiting on your word to enter. You step into the shower and turn it on, waiting for the glass door to fog up before you call out for him to enter.

You don't see Keizo enter the bathroom, but you hear him undress, and then a hand pulls on the shower door, letting him into your personal space. This is the first time he's seen you naked, and you're not even sure he can see you with your back facing him.

Keizo pulls you close with a tender grasp, placing a chaste kiss on your neck before tucking his face into the crook. "You like hot showers?" he asks, and you chuckle, the fear in your stomach subsiding a bit.

"Super hot showers," you reply, and Keizo laughs.

"I'll remember that." Another kiss is placed on your cheek, then he grabs the soap and a loofah. "Let me take care of you." You allow him to do just that, his motions careful and tender. You allow him to touch your arms, each finger running over the ridges, noticing silently. Keizo doesn't remark on the scars, and for a second, you wonder if he even really understood what he felt.

But when you're both done in the shower, and Keizo brings a towel out, you watch as he dries you off in silence. When one of your arms is dry, he brings it up to his lips and kisses the scars one by one, his eyes closed as if he were kissing the stigmata of a saint. He repeats this ritual again, then dries the rest of you off.

"Is this okay?" Keizo wonders, hands running up your thighs. You nod, feeling tears prick in your eyes. "Just as I thought," he practically sings. "You're still beautiful."

"You don't mind the scars?" you croak. Keizo shakes his head.

"Battle scars are just that. And you survived every single one." You toss your arms around his shoulders and hold him close, forgetting your nakedness entirely.

"Thank you," you whisper.

"No," Keizo sighs, wrapping his arms around you. "Thank you."

[confused-bi-queer]

Thank you for the SSS tag @martsonmars @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @artsyunderstudy @wellbelesbian and for the WW tag @erzbethluna @thehoneyedhufflepuff @palimpsessed @nausikaaa @forabeatofadrum

Happy new year!!!! I hope we have a very safely productive year in our art!!!

I’ve been working in my ballet AU, trying to make chapter 9 hurt more now that the fic is rated M, and I’ve been thinking of the boy’s mental health, especially Baz’s, so here’s a bit I worked on in the morning. ANGST.

TW for mentions of ED and Self Harm:

I thought I didn’t have the same problems with food as I used to, but apparently I do. Maybe in a less concerning light but they’re still there. I also thought I didn’t struggle with… self harm, but I do. Does that make me weak? Falling back into old patterns when I had already dealt with them?

It was so easy for me to stop eating, to grab the razor and just… I’m ashamed of how little convincing I needed to do all those things again, things that took me years to overcome. I thought it was all in the past. I thought I was over with that. And I’m afraid that those things will always be in my head; that they will never fully leave me alone. Will I always have to deal with them? Forever?

I’ve been wanting to read Baz with SH for a while and when I had the chance I took it. Some fics I’ve read that come with Baz stuggling with the same always make it seem like Simon magically erases Baz’s problems or maybe he doesn’t but it’s like Baz never deals with this problem ever again, and that’s not true. I wanted a bit of myself in Baz because I write what I want to read.

Also, I’m looking at you @erzbethluna because we’re working on something…

Sorry for the angst, so have a cookie 🍪 and tagging: @ileadacharmedlife @fatalfangirl @urban-sith @yeonjunenby @castawaypitch @bazzybelle @sillyunicorn @dragoneggos @ivelovedhimthroughworse @ionlydrinkhotwater @captain-aralias @palimpsessed @thehoneyedhufflepuff @erzbethluna @aristocratic-otter @nightimedreamersworld @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @larkral @angelsfalling16 @onepintobean @cutestkilla @johnwgrey @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @hushed-chorus @jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists @bookish-bogwitch @moodandmist @ineffable-grimm-pitch @kohatenz @katmiscellanious @whogaveyoupermission @ic3-que3n @raenestee

[my-fortified-wager]

Don't ask. Just spend. Call this my fortified wager, dollface.

ₒ ♤ ᵒ How can I help you, "friend"? ᵒ ♤ ₒ

character traits - The Stratagems

current events - The Trotter Market Arrives

current events - The Emerald Masquerade

muse pronouns - he/they/them

mun pronouns - she/they

ₒ ♤ ᵒ Shot Loaded Right - Rules and Additional Information ᵒ ♤ ₒ

First things first, while the mod is comfortable getting a little spicy, please no outright NSFW! The mod may be 18+, but they want this blog to be a fun place for everyone!

And secondly, use your common sense here! That being said, no homophobia, racism, ableism, or other unsavory things here! If you hold harmful beliefs, I'll have to show you the door.

This blog runs on a mix of headcanons and HSR canon in it! If this isn't how you imagine him to be... sorry? Not viewing is always an option, love!

This is a crossover blog set in the "Identity V" universe! So, anyone is allowed to interact! Anything's possible in the puppet manor <3

This blog will have darker themes including talks about life and death, extreme nihilism, objectification of self, and more! So, please, proceed with caution.

This blog will ask have spoilers for Penacony's storyline! I'll try to tag spoilers when I remember them!

This one is a little weird, but I feel a need to mention it. My Aventurine uses various nicknames for people, including "dollface", "honey doll", and "babe/love/dear". So, if these make you feel some type of way, uhm, sorry not sorry! (If it makes you uncomfortable, I am genuinely sorry though! It's just part of his mannerisms.)

And finally... don't ask. Just spend! Have fun! If you have questions or ideas, come into my inbox! I left my dms on this blog open as well, hopefully they should stay open!

[saintobio]

sincerely not. (19)

↳ gojou satoru/reader

with an arranged marriage set in place, the sacred bond is doomed with a wife who wants to make the relationship work and a husband who’s ready to ruin it all. unbeknown to him, a tragic fate already lies within the pages of his romance book.

genre. heavy angst, unrequited love, arranged marriage, modern au, 18+

tags/warnings. profanity, slut-shaming, cyberbullying, illness, blood, mentions of abortion, graphic depictions of self-harm, emotional breakdowns, suicide (or attempts thereof). please read at your own discretion.

notes. 12.8k wc it doesn’t hurt, it’s just full of drama. btw, i have one last chapter left for this series. thank you for the patience and all the support, i have so much to say but i’ll just save them for the last chapter! :’(

series masterlist -> episode twenty (final)

FLASHBACK — The New Mansion

When thinking about a picture perfect home, most people would start by describing the vision of a comfortable living space that would be suitable to the range of their taste—considering the modern interiors, chic furnishings, ornate house decors, or the neutral color palettes—everyone has a specific image of a home that they dream to live in.

For you, it wasn’t about how big or small the house was. It wasn’t about how expensive or cheap the furnishings were. A picture perfect home was not a shelter but of you, your husband, and the cute kids that you two would have one day.

Maybe you were truly just a hopeless romantic and not a practical and honest person like Sera or even Gen, but you have learned to value that none of this wealth could amount to the happiness of living a harmonious life with your own family. You weren’t being a hypocrite and neither were you trying to be ignorant to the fact that you had a good head start in life by being born with privilege. However, notwithstanding the plethora of blessings that you had received, you had never reached true felicity until you carried the product of you and your husband’s love. Was it a mother’s instinct to feel this way? Ever since you had the ultrasound this afternoon and had the chance to hear your baby’s heartbeat, your soul may as well have transcended to bliss while you looked forward to the future life ahead of you. A wife, a mother—you wondered if Satoru had the same thoughts when he shed a few tears after seeing your baby’s tiny figure on the sonographer. He was much more transparent with his fatherly glee that his own heart was jumping out of excitement. That, you realized, was how you became certain that Satoru finally exceeded your joys about this marriage.

Despite having a nightmarish start at the beginning of your marital union, your husband learned how to grow as a person and become the best version of himself.

The Satoru that you were seeing now was different from the Satoru that kicked you out of his bedroom on your wedding night. No, this Satoru was a man who walked three steps behind his wife while treating her like a queen in her own palace. The palace in this case was your new estate, the mansion that he had purchased for you as a gift on his own birthday. Seeing the house in person and imagining your future kids running around your new home was an ineffable feeling that nevertheless gave you a sense of contentment. But really, who could blame a pregnant woman for being sentimental?

“Do you see this space?” As soon as you stepped inside the grand foyer, you found it humorous how your husband presented the house like a real estate agent. “You can decorate our home however you like, babe.”

You held his hand, linking them together as you two walked further into the living room. “What if we just go all out minimalist?” you quipped. “Like Kim K’s house.”

Satoru tried to reject the idea with visible distaste, but still swallowed his pride for the sake of being an obedient husband. “Anything my wife wants.”

How funny. “No, really? You won’t even complain?”

“No,” he answered before you could even think. “This is your mansion. I’m just gonna be living under your roof.”

Crossing your arms, you suppressed a smile and raised an eyebrow. “But you purchased this house, so it’s still yours and you’re the boss of our family, you know...”

“Then as the boss of our family, I’m transferring all the authority to my beautiful wife,” he said, grinning as you two continued your stroll towards the best part of the mansion that overlooked the city. “Look here. This view is the reason why I chose this house.”

He was absolutely right. Anyone would have easily fallen in love at the stretch of vibrant cityscape that could be seen from the living room. Although the interior of the house was nothing but white space, the scenery outside was a colorful painting come to life. An infinity pool rested calmly from a distance away, and beyond that was a horizon that offered a potentially spectacular view of dusk to dawn. Truly, life in this new home was something that sparked excitement in your heart.

“It’s beautiful,” you spoke under your breath, mesmerized when you stepped out and headed into the pool area before turning to your husband. “When did you pick this house? The broker told me you’ve actually been eyeing this mansion since last year.”

“...No, not long ago.”

Oh… You were certain that the broker did say he had been checking this home last year. “Well, I can’t wait to live here with you.”

Satoru made a haste move to press his lips on your forehead. “And our munchkin.”

You should have already gotten used to the feeling of his kisses, but was it so selfish to keep wanting for more? To make sure that his affections were not just evanescent, but everlasting? It was your instinct that led you to wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer until you could taste his sweet lips against yours. They moved in harmony after being long familiar with the way they locked on each other, kissing deeper and deeper, softer and then rougher, and feeling each other’s warm breath with burning passion. You had to catch the air that you’ve lost as you pulled away and noticed how his hands gripped your waist with eagerness. “Satoru.” Heat permeated your cheeks. “We can’t makeout in here.”

“Why not?” His voice sounded whiny despite smiling down at you. “It’s just the two of us here… Or maybe, three.” His hand then found your bump, counting his baby as another presence in this palatial home. “You look cute in this dress, honey.”

Speaking of, although he already took notice of your cream puff-sleeved maxi dress, you realized that he hasn’t fully seen your overall outfit. “Love,” you tugged his hand and gestured for him to look at your feet. “Haven’t you seen?”

The bejeweled light blue Jimmy Choo heels hugged your feet with their perfectly molded shape, and looking back at your husband’s face made you realize that the shoes were of the same hues as his sky blue eyes.

In his surprise, he glanced at your feet and crouched down to gently touch your ankle. “How did you…?”

“Is it shameless of me?” you asked your husband who had turned into a knight kneeling for his queen. “You bought these shoes for Sera and yet I’m wearing them.”

Not even a second had passed before he started shaking his head in denial. “No, they look perfect on you. They were always meant for you, I’m just…” He looked up and gauged the emotions on your face. “How did you get them?”

“Sera gave it to me,” you clarified. “It was her little way of apologizing, I guess, after what happened with the tea and all of that. She told me that she always knew that the shoes were not meant for her.”

Because the rightful owner was the woman who received her husband’s kiss on her shin. In fact, he kissed both of your shins to show how he worshipped every part of your body before he got up and embraced you in his arms. “Even if she didn’t end up receiving them by mistake, I was still so awful to you that night,” he admitted, “I saw how you looked at these shoes during the auction and I thought that if I got it for you, it would be enough to make up for the things that happened in Iceland. I was such an asshole. How could material things fix the emotional damage I’ve inflicted on you? I never realized how superficial I was until I couldn’t fix us with all those gifts. You were the person that taught me that true love is much, much deeper than that.”

You cupped his cheeks and rubbed the tip of your nose against his. “It’s okay. I get what you’re trying to say.” And more than that, it was a cathartic release to hear him candidly acknowledging his past mistakes. “As long as you promise me that you won’t hide anything from me from now on, that you’ll be more transparent with your intentions, and that you won’t do things that can ruin the trust I’ve given you.”

He knew firsthand how difficult it was to earn your trust, so he unhesitatingly made his vow after being given the chance to start anew. “I promise I’ll be a faithful husband you can wholeheartedly trust.”

“Is it true?”

You see, Satoru had so many options on how to answer that one simple question.

He could tell you the truth and admit his true intentions at the beginning of your marriage, but he could also try and make sure that you would understand that everything didn’t fall as planned一that you wouldn’t get the wrong impression that he was still fooling you.

Or, he could lie to your face and deny everything that Gen had said. They were mere allegations without proof except from hearsay. The spread on social media? He could easily say that Eula fabricated some of it for her little act of revenge. Plus, weren’t you aware of his relationship with Sera already? That part shouldn’t be surprising.

But the problem was, he was disgusted with himself that there was even a second option. He promised you no lies and secrets, just raw and unsugarcoated truth. He didn’t make an effort to try and build your trust back up only for him to completely destroy it in one night. He was clearly, undeniably put into checkmate.

“Answer me.” Your eyes gleamed as you looked at him, not of joy but of despair. “Wh-Why aren’t you answering me?”

Satoru was paralyzed. He couldn’t make himself move and his feet were stuck on the ground. There wasn’t much he could do except to frantically shake his head in denial. “It’s… It’s not what you think. D-Did you follow me here? I can explain everything if you一”

“Yes or no. That’s all I need to hear,” your voice became strict, but it was obvious in your countenance that you were about to fall apart. Frankly, he was feeling the same, too. Your emotions mirrored each other like two broken souls with one heart. “I followed you here because you’ve been acting weird since you came home. Now p-please answer me. Is it true?”

His fingers twitched as an inexplicable force of pain managed to excavate a deep hole into his heart. Although it broke him to do this at the brink of a disaster, his response was a slow and honest nod that ended up releasing the buildup of tears that pooled your eyes. Those same tears that carved a path down the skin covering your cheeks had him feeling like he was drowning in quicksand. He was an empty hand, reaching in vain to grasp another. “Y/N… It was before. It was before I realized how important you are to me. I-I love you more than life itself and I know that it’s hard to believe, but I’ve changed. That’s not the reason why I married you anymore.”

It was Gen who walked closer to pull you into her arms, keeping you away from the lover who did nothing but to torture your selfless soul. “Y/N, it’s bad for you to get stressed. Let’s get inside.”

You didn’t move an inch despite your sister’s effort in dragging you away. All you did was look at your husband’s eyes like an empty flask longing to be filled. “I knew it.” You smiled through the tears that dampened your cheeks. “I knew you were too good to be true.”

On the other hand, Satoru was barely swimming in a sea of grief and his only buoy to keep him alive was you. “Y/N…”

“D-Do you know why I announced the divorce on the day of the merger?” you continued your monologue while stifling a sob, “Because I wanted to know if you would still find a reason to hold on to me even if the merger failed to push through. Because that means you weren’t just using me for business and whatever underlying intentions you have.” Your chest heaved. “And you did stay, you chased me, begged on your knees for me, that’s why I thought… it wouldn’t hurt to trust you again, but then this...”

As he took two steps forward, you were taking three steps back. “Y/N, please hear me out first…”

You wiped your eyes. “No. Stay a-away from me!” You warned while keeping a reasonable distance. “After all this time, you weren’t just forced to marry me. You personally agreed to the marriage because you had your own cruel ulterior motives. You acted like you hated me while at the same time, used me for your own entertainment and satisfaction. All this time, there’s an expiration date to this marriage after you get what you want. So, how many more lies do you have? What part of our marriage was true to you一”

“You know that’s not the case anymore,” Satoru tried to make you understand as he begged and clasped your hands just for you to listen. “Things changed. You know they did. You know how much I cherish you and our baby, Y/N.”

“No, I don’t.” While you pulled your hand back, you also hit him with the most gut-wrenching response. “And I don’t trust you with my child anymore. How can I when it feels like… like nothing you did was true? I-It’s g-gonna be easy for you to go back to your old ways since you were never genuine to us.”

Your husband was insistent on denying your words. “That’s not true. Y/N, that’s not true. I’ve been genuine to you for God knows how long.”

Gen noticed the irregularity with your breathing and worriedly held your arms in place. “Y/N, you need to—”

“The mansion,” you brought up out of nowhere, but with how your chest rose and fell heavily, you were definitely at the apex of your pain, “You were originally gonna buy it for Sera, weren’t you? You had your life all planned out with her.”

Satoru’s eyes widened in surprise. Or was it shock? Horror? “Y/N, I broke things off with her and you’re aware of that.”

“That’s not what I’m asking.” Your lips quivered with every word you spoke. “It doesn’t matter if you’re still t-together or not. Doesn’t matter if you still have minuscule feelings for her or none at all. I’m asking you, was that mansion intended for you and her after you were supposed to divorce me?”

‘As long as you promise me that you won’t hide anything from me from now on, that you’ll be more transparent with your intentions, and that you won’t do things that can ruin the trust I’ve given you.’

Your words played in his head like a broken record as he remembered the recent vow he made with you. Throughout your marriage, he had already broken most of his vows. He could no longer break more.

With a deep breath, he admitted the truth. “I-It was, but…”

“I’m done with you, Satoru.” Your tears shattered him. “I’m done with us. Y-You want me to live in a house you imagined with someone else?”

He saw devastation in your eyes long before he felt it. The magnitude of the pain weighed him down and he could only imagine how the abyss of heartbreak consumed you一literally, because as Gen held you in her arms, you were clutching your heart to stop the agonizing pang that squeezed your chest and restricted your breathing. It took him a whole minute before he realized that you were on the onset of an angina attack and he had to be the one to tell your sister about it while you were gasping for air. Your heart. The baby. “Gen, she’s….” At once, Satoru was at your side to catch you when your knees gave up. He was spitting out every curse word he could think of when he carried you in his arms much to the terror that he was feeling. “Y/N, hold on to me. Please. I’m taking you to the hospital一”

“N-No, d-don’t touch me!” You pushed him away despite the sharp, stabbing pain in your chest that weakened your entire body. “Don’t y-you ever… Y-You…” Sobs escaped your mouth. “You d-did this to me. You said you wouldn’t h-hurt me like this anymore…”

Gen, who was aghast from the sight of her sister’s heart condition, started screaming for everyone’s name out of panic. “Ian! Dad! Help us!”

Gojou’s misery was a storm that would not subside. He was physically shutting down with his eyes so fixated on one spot that everything had faded in the background. The white halls of the hospital did not calm the raging hurricane that ravaged his mind, and yet his ears and brain were very attentive to the things happening with each second that passed.

You could not imagine how excruciating it was for him to be sitting at the bench outside of the emergency room while waiting for any news about you as not a single word was uttered between him, your sister, and your dad. He wasn’t certain if he should be grateful for the deafening silence or if he should be wrecked by the thousand sighs that they had let out. In their eyes, the daughter and the sister that they loved was hurt by someone they mistakenly trusted. Now, she was in the median between life and death all because of her incompetent and neglectful husband.

It would have been better if they could just physically hurt him to justify their anger. Satoru, someone who recognized physical abuse as a punishment for his wrongdoings, thought that it would be best if they could just throw a punch to his gut, kick him on the shin, throttle him until he couldn’t breathe. He anticipated bruises on his skin, but he was met with a thick, invisible wall that separated him and your family. The barrier was so impenetrable that he felt like a ghost around them.

Still, he tried to reach out and apologize despite it being him putting a small bandaid on a huge gash. “D-Dad.” He looked at your father who sat across from him in the hospital's hallway. “Dad, I’m sorry.”

Sorry? He must be adding more insult to the injury because the old man refused to look him in the eyes. In fact, your father’s words carried more weight than a mere gaze ever could. “Do you know how much it pains me as a father to find out that my daughter’s been suffering from the same illness that killed my wife?” Satoru could see his father-in-law balling his hands into fists. “I let my daughter marry you because it was one of my wife's last wishes when she was still alive.”

Not only was it a clear bad judgement, they were also met with a slap of betrayal after knowing that the man that married you was the last person they should have chosen. Satoru could understand your father’s anger. He only wanted to fulfill his wife’s wish, agreed to the merger even if it was more beneficial to the Gojou Group, and tried his best to secure a good husband for his youngest daughter. The version of Satoru that your father knew was the kind little boy who smiled and cried with you, not this cruel and manipulative man who shamelessly cheated on his wife and turned her life into a nightmare. How could Satoru ever mend their broken trust when it was far too ruined to fix? The only thing he could say were words that meant so much to him, but felt empty to everyone else. “Dad, Gen, I’d rather you slap me in the face and hurt me however many times you want, but I’m being true when I say that I really love Y/N. I can’t ask for your forgiveness because the things I’ve done to her are unforgivable, and I understand that一”

“No, we don’t wanna hear your lousy excuse,” Gen cut him off before he could speak another word. “You’re a cheater, you're an asshole, and you’re a vile, greedy person. You could have easily rejected the marriage back then and we wouldn’t even hold it against you, but you and your father were the ones who kept giving us bullshit lies of how she’ll be treated with love and respect in her marriage.” And no, she wasn’t done. With gritted teeth, she gave him a threat under her breath. “If anything bad happens to my sister, I will always blame it on you.”

Gojou couldn’t do anything else but accept her words because they were all within reasonable grounds. In return, he got down on his knees to show his sincerest remorse for failing as a husband. “I-I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

“Be honest with me, Satoru.” On the other hand, your father's eyes were cold and grim. “Aside from the merger, what were your original goals after marrying my daughter? Tell me the whole truth.”

Satoru hoped that they could bear in mind that his past reasons were no longer the same as the present, because after having spent nearly a year with you, there was a thing called ‘development’ that progressed between your relationship. They weren’t aware of the good parts, only the bad. But since he was at a place where he didn’t have the privilege of explaining his sins, he chose to be downright honest to your dad. “My… original plan was to marry her until I became CEO, then I’d divorce her and marry my ex-girlfriend.” It pained him to even recall his own disgusting plans at the early stages of your marriage, but he had to spill only the truth. “Dad wasn’t aware of my personal plans because he was more focused on acquiring CFG. He told me to stay in the marriage, he told me to give her a baby, that way we can ensure that our family ties would remain. I despised the fact that I was being forced to stay so I… I took it out on her and did things to hurt her, treated her badly, made her suffer in silence. I’m… Dad, I’m sorry. I know Y/N never told you these things because she didn’t want you to blame yourself for marrying her off to me.”

Anger clouded your father’s vision and it was a sight to see how a man similar to a dormant volcano had now erupted. Satoru couldn’t blame him for grabbing his collar, pulling him up and shoving him against the wall. Your father’s fists were violently shaking as he sought his son-in-law’s eyes with wrathful tears on his own. But even then, even as Satoru anticipated his punches, all he received was a father’s heart wrenching sorrow. “How can you still face me like this, Satoru?”

It was the same thing Gojou asked himself, but couldn’t answer. And it would be cruel for him to answer it at all. “Dad, I…”

“Don’t call me dad!”

The ground beneath Satoru’s feet was collapsing because of the gravity of his guilt. “I ch-changed. I did her wrong, b-but I promise I’ll repent and make it up to her for the rest of my life.” Needless to say that his words had fallen on deaf ears, but that wasn’t exactly what hurt Satoru. What hurt him was the fact that the father-in-law who had always treated him like a real son, was now seeing him as a traitor.

“Immediate family of Y/N Gojou?”

At the sound of the doctor’s voice, all of their attention had immediately shifted towards the man in a white lab coat. Both Gen and your father turned to Dr. Mori while Satoru was behind them, holding his breath and praying to every saint that his wife and baby were safe. You have to be safe, he repeatedly said it in his mind. Please be okay, baby. Please. But before the doctor could provide an update, it was natural for the man to be quickly bombarded with a salvo of questions from Satoru and Gen. Questions that ranged from, “Is she okay, doc?” “Can I see her?” “How is she feeling?” “How about the baby?”

The absence of an apologetic expression from Dr. Mori’s face suggested that there was hope for good news. “Thankfully, she’s stable now after we gave her glyceryl trinitrate, but I suggest that we perform coronary angioplasty and stent insertion immediately to further avoid risks of heart failure and miscarriage. The patient’s already made aware of this procedure during her last visit. We’re gonna do our best to ensure that she and the baby will be safe throughout the operation.”

“Please do it, doc.” Satoru’s voice was filled with urgency. “Please do what you think is best for her and our baby.”

Gen shot him a look of disbelief. “Do you think you still have a say about this?!”

“Gen.”

“Shut the hell up and leave!” she yelled at his face. “Don’t come near my sister ever again. The fucking audacity.”

Satoru asserted his right no matter how pitiful it was. “She’s still my wife. I deserve to see her and be here for her.”

Instead of intervening, your father went ahead and spoke to Dr. Mori. “Do it immediately. Please minimize the risk factors and give my daughter the best doctors you have. I don’t care how much it’ll cost. I need her to be completely fine.”

For the past several hours, he had been sitting at one of the benches outside of the operating room with his head down, arms propped against his knees, and a face that represented the very image of unspoken agony. The extreme physical and mental suffering was taking away all the remaining sanity he had left. He didn’t even care about the people that passed by and gave him a look of concern. No, he didn’t need their sympathy. He only needed you.

He needed his wife. His one and only love. His soulmate.

Your well-being was his top priority to the extent where he deprived himself from sleep, refrained himself from eating, and punished himself with the guilt of hurting you over and over. The thick wall between him and your family remained throughout the night and the only thing that was allowing them to be on the same page was for your sake. Otherwise, he didn’t know if they would even let him be here for you at all. Gen was unwaveringly hostile and your dad was agitated—not that Satoru could blame them, but it still hurt how they walked past him like he didn’t exist. They talked to doctors without giving him any updates until it came to a point where even the doctors themselves no longer acknowledged Satoru as a rightful spouse who deserved to hear news about his wife.

He saw it coming. After all, wasn’t he notorious for being that jerk of a husband who had been the number one trending topic for the past two days? Satoru hadn’t bothered to check his phone despite the numerous calls from his mom, his stepbrother, and his best friend. They were crazy worried about his emotional and mental stability, but for now, you deserved all of his undivided attention. Even if he hadn’t taken a shower or gotten a wink of sleep, nothing mattered as much as hearing that you were in better condition.

With that being said, it also didn’t matter that he was about to faint or that his face was too pallid. He neglected himself and prioritized you over his own body’s condition, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to sleep because he would only end up succumbing to his ceaseless thoughts about you. He was already tense to begin with, especially now that the operation was being performed and he couldn’t stop pacing back and forth along the empty hall while overthinking the worst case scenario.

For the most part, he was trying to think of the outcome and it was killing him inside. Along with Gen’s words, if anything bad was to happen to you and your baby, Satoru was the one to blame. He was heavily responsible for your stress and overall heart condition because of all the things he had done without regard for your physical and emotional state. Could he forgive himself if anything happened? He was surely going to be the first person to chastise himself before anyone else could. However, at the hopelessness of this entire situation, he remained headstrong. He kept his faith and trust that you would be fine and that everything would fall back into place no matter how long it would take. He made a vow to himself that he would love you the same because you deserved a husband who never gave you up even if the entire world was against him.

Prior to this marriage, if anyone asked him to define love, he would have given a superficial answer. What did he know about love, anyway? He never found the right response until he found his answer from being married to you. Love was to care for you beyond all rationality, wanting you to have everything good in this world no matter how much it destroyed him. Love was to put your happiness over his own, wishing for your stars to align and that nothing in this world could ever take that sweet smile and those bright eyes away.

Love was you and everything that you were.

After the operation was over, imagine the reassurance that washed over him when the doctor announced that the procedure had been successful. Imagine his sigh of relief, his prayers of gratitude, his tears of joy—all of which were quickly taken away when he was refused a chance to even get a glimpse of you.

“Please let me see her,” he desperately begged, attempting to enter the room where the nurses transferred you to, but Gen was there to block his way. “Gen, please. Please. I just wanna see her. I wanna see my wife.”

“No.” She was relentless at disallowing him to take another step forward. “Just go home. You’re no longer needed here.”

“Don’t do this. She needs me. We have a baby.”

“She doesn’t need you. Get it through your thick skull!”

About three bodyguards soon arrived and finally came to pull Satoru back so they could guard the door outside of your room. It was obvious to anyone in that hospital that the reason Gen called for her personal bodyguards was to ensure that he wouldn’t have the chance to enter inside. Was it too cruel? To think of it, Satoru deserved this. Everyone knew he deserved this. Even the bystanders who gossiped about him said the same thing when they walked along the hallway.

‘Gosh, isn’t that Satoru Gojou?’

‘He’s so pathetic, look at him’

‘I heard his wife got hospitalized due to shock’

‘He should go to hell’

Despite the endless badmouthing he received, he learned how to ignore the murmurs of the people in that hospital. You endured worse than this, so he should be able to take all the razor-sharp words from all these strangers both online and in person. He should be able to withstand the silent treatment from your family after they continuously denied him of his right to see you. He was already desensitized to the horror of his father’s violence, but how come a simple disregard for his presence hurt a thousand times worse?

Yet another day in the hospital had gone by and Satoru already found shelter from the bench outside of your room. No blankets to keep him warm, no food to keep him full. ‘Just one chance to see you’ were his sanguine thoughts that kept him there for two days without sleep. Maybe if he was patient enough to wait, your father would allow him to enter the room.

But for the next five hours, not one person in that hospital talked to him.

No one except for the three year-old girl who suddenly appeared on the corner of the hallway.

“Uncle.” Curious doe eyes stared at him as little Nina stood from a distance. She was just a small figure in this spacious hall and yet, her presence had the largest impact on him. “Mommy said you’re bad.”

Satoru’s weak sigh had gone soundless. “Do you hate uncle?”

Just like you, she had every right to be revolted by him, but there was not even an iota of hesitation when the young girl said, “No.” Besides her innocent response, she ran to him and stretched her little arms for an embrace—a hug that he warmly returned. “Don’t be sad, uncle.”

How couldn’t he? Every minute without seeing you was a stab to his battered heart. “Nina, can you tell auntie that I love her?” he requested, pulling away to look at Gen’s kid with glossy eyes that were suffused with tears. “Tell her that no matter what happens, I’m not letting go.”

His niece’s smile softened his heart. “Okay.”

“Nina?” The small conversation between Satoru and the little girl was interrupted by her father who carried his daughter in his arms. Was Ian going to ignore him, too? It seemed that he didn’t have enough reason to do so. “Satoru, go home and get some rest. Y/N’s in a good condition now.”

He appreciated his brother-in-law’s efforts to stay neutral from the situation. Although it was a prosecutor’s job to convict criminals, he wasn’t particularly applying the same logic towards Satoru and his extramarital sins. “I’m waiting for a chance to see her.”

Ian held Nina closer and hesitated whether or not to let Satoru in. Could five minutes of entering your room be alright? He could see it in Ian’s eyes that he was considering letting him sneak in, but when the doors opened and Satoru was able to catch the slightest glimpse of your bed, your father immediately shut the door with a doctor right by his side.

“Grandpa!” Nina squealed, earning the old man’s attention. “We’re gonna go see Auntie.”

“Auntie’s awake. You can go in.” He smiled at his granddaughter and looked at Ian who then glanced at Satoru, but only the former was acknowledged in the end. “Gen’s inside. She’s been waiting for you and Nina.”

Ian’s response was a simple nod and Satoru had once again become an invisible, non-player character in his own romance book. “Toji’s visiting later tonight. Would that be okay, dad?”

“Yes. Y/N’s the one who asked to see him.”

“Ah, that’s why. He’s heading here straight after his meeting.”

“Good. He can visit anytime he wants.”

Satoru couldn’t even describe how much it crushed his heart to hear that you wanted to see another man instead of your own husband. It was a torturous feeling, more painful than being burned alive for him to be treated like a nonexistent person despite his lassitude after staying up for two days straight just to talk to you. He was at the pinnacle of his heartache that he was no longer thinking straight when he got up and stood in front of your father with a look of protest. “This… isn’t right,” he said with lachrymose eyes, “I get you’re angry, but I have the right to see my wife.”

It was Dr. Mori who spoke on behalf of his father-in-law. “Mr. Gojou, your wife is completely stable now. We just need to monitor her for the next forty-eight hours, but there’s no need to worry.” Satoru was about to question him for his audacity to tell a sleep-deprived husband ‘not to worry’, but he didn’t even have the chance to open his mouth before the doctor beat him to it. “It’s the patient’s wish not to see you for now, Mr. Gojou. We ask for her to avoid stress while she’s in recovery and it’s best to respect her decision. It’s for her own good.”

“We’re already lucky she didn’t suffer from a heart attack,” stated your father whose indifference never once faded, “The least you can do is stay away from my daughter. She’s the one who doesn’t want to see you.”

Sera had never fully realized the actual consequences of her sins until her face was all over social media.

She was demeaned as a slut, a homewrecker, a gold digger, and other hurtful words that a person could think of just because she clung to a married man who had been his lover way before his marriage. The general public were callous and unsparing with how they destroyed her with their words, and even more when her fellow women started verbally harassing her in the streets or when men started catcalling her for being ‘too easy’ for anyone who had enough money in their pockets. You might as well be a hooker, they said. At some point, while she was out in the market trying to buy food for her family, a rude woman even threw one-thousand yen bills towards her and called her a nasty, money-hungry bitch.

This was unfair.

None of them understood the situation from her own lens. They didn’t understand the kind of love that she used to harbor for Satoru and why it turned into greed. She made many wrong choices in life and mistakes she should have never done, but she didn’t deserve to be treated like this by strangers who had no single idea of how tough her life had been.

For all the wrong paths she had taken in her twenty-six years on Earth, involving herself with Satoru was her greatest regret.

But this time around, Sera couldn’t put the blame on you. She had already come into terms with her own feelings by not seeing you as the villain to her supposed fairytale. Neither could she blame Satoru because he, too, was suffering the same and probably twice worse than she was experiencing. The only person she could direct her anger to was the person responsible for spreading Satoru’s proof of infidelity and Sera’s participation in it.

However, as much as she wanted to get into another catfight with Eula, the wicked woman was already rotting in jail and serving her own comeuppance.

Who else could Sera run to at her lowest point?

It was a certain blond-haired, cat-eyed Zen’in whom she sought at the lobby of the Zen’in Group’s building. All her life, Sera had gotten used to turning heads and receiving lingering stares from men and women alike, but they were often because she was a subject of their admiration. She was adored for her beauty as though she was a goddess amongst the flock of ordinary people. On the contrary, none of these people were stunned by her attractive features. They sent glances her way because she was infamous for being the mistress of a Chairman and CEO from a rivaling company.

‘Ew. What the hell is she doing here?’

‘I won’t be surprised if she tries to snatch Mr. Toji this time’

Sera glared at the two girls who carried their coffee cups and walked across from her in their high heels and short skirts. The audacity of these women to talk shit about her when they weren’t even wearing decent office attires in such a professional place.

Though, Sera wasn’t here to pick a fight. She was here waiting for Naoya who often left the office at around four in the afternoon. The receptionist at the lobby informed her that he did come to work today and so Sera was patient enough to sit at one of the couches in the lobby, hoping that the blond would finally make an appearance.

She could understand that he had been too busy for the past few days to respond to her texts, but she desperately needed his advice and she, admittedly, missed him. It had been weeks since they had that passionate night and she couldn’t wait to once again feel the comfort of his kisses or the warmth of his touches to soothe her aching heart. Out of everyone in this world, he was the only one who deeply understood her as a person. The only man who wholeheartedly accepted her despite her status in life and even willingly listened to her problems without expecting anything in return.

Before she knew it, Sera realized that she must have truly fallen in love with Naoya.

The thought of him was enough to bring butterflies in her stomach or send flames that ignited her heart. He had officially become her person, someone she cherished and appreciated in a world where classism existed, but not between a man like him and a woman like her.

Well, Sera Iwasaki, haven’t you learned?

Her tendency to hold onto her silly fairytales was yet again destroyed when she spotted Naoya Zen’in stepping out of the elevator doors while hand-in-hand with famous Japanese-American supermodel, Erika Aoi.

What’s happening? Sera was completely flummoxed at the sight. Her mind was a tornado of confusion. Is he cheating on me?

“Naoya!” She nearly stumbled as she walked closer towards the blond whose eyes didn’t even give her the slightest recognition. Sera became increasingly muddled. Perplexed. And yet, she tightened her grip on his arm and pulled him away from the haughty socialite. “Naoya, I need to talk to you. I think Y/N’s sister blacklisted me from the companies I’ve applied to and—”

“Woah.” Strangely, Naoya shoved her hand and backed away in disgust. “Who the hell are you?” Aside from that baffling question, he was looking at his bodyguards to ask about her. “Do you know who this girl is?”

Sera’s heart raced. “Wh-What do you mean? Don’t be like this.” Was this a prank? She just couldn’t understand why he was suddenly acting this way.

The intrigued Erika eyed her from head-to-toe before turning to Naoya in realization. “Oh my god, babe. I think she’s that girl who had an affair with Satoru Gojou.”

“Really?” Naoya made a face and acted like it was the first time he had heard about it. Unbelievable! Sera was too dazed and speechless to react, but the man was quick enough to proceed with his little stunt. “I think you’re in the wrong company. The Gojou Group is on First Avenue, not here on Fourth Street.”

The woman next to him didn’t even hide her sniggering, followed by the employees who started gossiping as they walked across the lobby with all eyes glued on her. Sera wasn’t certain if she was going to laugh or cry at how ridiculous this scene was, but all that she could process was the combination of hurt and betrayal that slapped her in the face with one painful blow.

Unfortunately, Sera wasn’t good at concealing her pain. “Naoya, I don’t get why you’re being like this. Stop it.”

“Stop what?” His eyes glinted with humor. “I’m sorry, but have we even interacted before? I don’t think I remember you at all.”

“Don’t be an asshole!” Sera raised her hand towards him, but was quickly stopped by the bodyguards who were there to protect the scoundrel. Sure, they managed to prevent her from hitting him, but they couldn’t stop her from revealing the truth with tearful eyes. “Is this your little game, huh? You know well enough what relationship we have. I even defended you f-from Eula! Don’t even act like—!”

Naoya tilted his head and threatened her with his piercing stare. “Do you have proof?” he questioned. “Because if not, I could sue you for defamation.”

Standing there with clenched jaws, she turned to his bodyguards. “These guys know who I am. You took me to your place so many times already!”

None of the bodyguards confirmed it. Rather, they were fast enough to shake their heads while telling her that she was being ‘delusional’ because Naoya, apparently, had high standards when it came to women. “Miss, you need to back off.”

“B-But.” Proof, what proof did Sera have? Right, she fucking had none. He could deny their texts and they didn’t even have photos together. His family and friends? They could easily lie for him. And even worse, Naoya’s brilliant acting garnered sympathy from the employees in that building who were now filming the scene with their smartphones. How did it all come down to this? If this was a sick joke, it had to stop because she was already devastated by the way he was treating her. She didn’t deserve any of this. “I-I hate you, Naoya. How could you do this to me?”

The man’s sympathy was close to zero even when she began tearing up. Like rubbing salt to the wound, he gave her a harmless smile while hiding behind his mask of innocence. “Sera, is it?” he continued his charade, “Look, I’m sure you’ve already had enough exposure on social media after the whole cheating thing with Satoru-kun. There’s no need for you to be an attention seeker and cause more scandal in other companies if you have self-worth at all.” He linked Erika’s hand with his and prepared to leave. “Please don’t ever come here again or I’ll call the police on you for stalking.”

Praises from the nearby employees filled the lobby as they cheered him on for ‘handling the situation professionally’ instead of lashing out at her. It was a disgusting act made by a disgusting man, no less. What the people here failed to see was how the real victim in this situation was her, not him. Not the man who turned his back on her in the most cruel way possible.

‘Get lost, Slut-ra!’

‘What a gold digger. Shame on you!’

‘Leave sir Naoya alone, you desperate whore!’

Naoya had already left with his girlfriend, got inside a black sedan, all while Sera stood there being recorded by the employees who continuously tormented her with their venomous words. Words that stung like fatal poison, penetrating her skin and harming her heart for an instant kill. They laughed at her face while shaming her, high-fived each other while insulting her, and found entertainment from the tears she had shed over a man who betrayed her.

Not long ago did Sera stumble upon this one quote, ‘Friends may abandon you when things get tough, but family will hardly run away from you when things are not working out.’

She had to learn her lesson the hard way and Naoya had been the wake up call for her to realize that she should never trust anyone except her family. The family that she continuously and ignorantly pushed away. Naoya’s act of betrayal made her put the puzzle pieces together until she saw the bigger picture of the complete imbecile he had made of her. He had been manipulating her all this time. The wedding dress, the tweed outfits, the saccharine words he constantly used to trick her—they were all there to set her up to her own downfall.

This was more painful than the heartbreak of losing Satoru.

Because in the end, she was just a game to these rich people. In the end, she stayed as a poor woman who was incapable of redeeming herself in a world where the rich and famous often have the upper hand.

Gojou was close enough to losing his sanity for going through another day without enough sleep. Though, unlike the past few days, he had no other choice but to return to the penthouse to take a warm shower, get an hour worth of a nap, and fill his empty stomach with a box of cereal. He willingly spent three days in that hospital but not once was he allowed to speak to you, not once was he given the opportunity to see you. Didn’t you know? The more you denied his presence, the more it drove him crazy. He couldn’t leave your side despite the people around him that told him to do so. He listened to no other voice but yours, but no one else wanted to listen to his.

Frankly, he wouldn't have left you there if only Suguru and his mother hadn’t come to pick him up after they became growingly worried for his overall health. Even Miwa had to remind him that he had other duties to tend to, one of which was the company that he supposedly valued more than his own wife.

“Chairman, it’s glad to see you again.”

Satoru barely had the time to process the life that greeted him back at the Gojou Group. Besides the fact that his car was vandalized, he was welcomed with awkward silence by his employees and a pile of resignation letters from longtime executives who had been with the company for more than ten to twenty years. They withstood the ups and downs of this company and Satoru was the only driving force who managed to make all these loyal executives leave because of his recklessness. His CFO, his COO, even his most trusted Financial Director, Mei Mei, had chosen to leave.

Oh, he must have forgotten. Mei actually turned out to be a backstabbing, money-hungry traitor. Who knew that the person who warned him about a mole in the company was referring to herself all this time? He made a fool out of him all for the sake of money, but then again, Satoru was aware that she wouldn’t have had a reason to destroy him if he didn’t do those stupid things in the first place. Like gas, she only fueled his flame.

And because that flame swallowed the entire company uncontrollably, the aftermath of Satoru’s terrible publicity led to a massive drop in stocks, investors pulling out, and a bad name associated with being employed by the Gojou Group. According to the headlines in today’s newspaper, ‘CEO Faces Backlash After Infidelity Scandal’. If things had been difficult for him after what had surfaced on the internet, how much more for all these innocent employees who were here to make a living? How would they benefit from a company whose Chairman and CEO was involved in a huge scandal? It was only a matter of time until Japan’s second biggest conglomerate would file for bankruptcy.

“Sir, I…” His secretary hesitated to speak after she waltzed inside his office. What was she afraid of? Angering him? He had no energy left to feel anything at all. “Mr. Gojou, the Board of Directors are requesting an urgent meeting with you. I-I didn’t mean to overhear it, but I think… I think they’re voting you out.”

“Miwa.” Satoru buried his face in his hands as he shut his eyes and kept his breathing steady. “It’s been stressful for you, right? If you wanna file an immediate resignation, I’ll approve it as soon as you want. I won’t hold it against you.”

He received silence as a response, and in the belief that ‘silence meant yes’, Satoru was surprised when he looked up to see Miwa crying. Tears cascaded from her eyes like waterfall, causing his panic to rise as he struggled not knowing what to do. Did Miwa learn to hate him so much that she was crying like this? Contrarily, it was Satoru who should be tearing up when he heard his secretary’s next words, “Chairman, I won’t leave your side no matter what happens. I’ll continue to work hard even if I’m the last employee left in this company.”

A stubborn girl at the very end. He might have smiled, but his eyes were empty. “You can’t work for a boss like me anymore. I don’t want you to get involved.”

“No, I…” Miwa stammered and wiped her eyes. “I know that you truly love your wife. Just because you made mistakes doesn’t mean you can’t learn and change. We’re only human.”

Satoru felt hollow. “You think so?”

“I know so,” she affirmed without realizing how broken he was inside. Miwa had witnessed the extensive effort that Gojou had done to try and please his wife—from adjusting his schedules, choosing the best flowers, sending the most perfect gifts, and even seeing him in a good mood every time he spoke about your baby. In his secretary’s eyes, he did his hardest to be a good husband, but no one else beyond his spacious office could ever see those efforts except her. “Please don’t give up, sir. You may find yourself at the bottom right now, but one day you’ll be at the top again.”

“She’s right.”

Yes, he heard it correctly. The male voice that agreed to Miwa’s statement was from none other than his stepbrother, Yuuta, who just now entered his office in his brown shearling jacket and black jeans. Just how fast did things change between the two of them? Not long ago, he had seen his the young man with misguided contempt and recognized him as a threat to his inheritance. Yet here, today, that same brother was the one responsible for putting his own evil mother to jail. It was evident in Yuuta’s eyes how much the recent events had drained him, but he was now in a place where freedom was within his reach and what better place to fully soak it in than to spend his next four years in the Land of the Free?

“Leaving for Harvard?” Satoru asked, leaning backwards to meet his brother’s gaze who soon responded with a nod. “Good luck with business school.”

Yuuta stared at him forlornly. “I’ll come back and help you around here. I promise.” Glancing to his side, he gave Miwa a gentle pat on the back. “Please look after my brother.”

The blue-haired secretary shyly nodded, cheeks turning incarnadine as she stood next to her boss’ stepbrother. “Chairman, I’ll give you two some privacy,” she excused herself by offering a courteous bow before exiting the office to indeed leave Satoru and Yuuta in their intimate conversation.

The younger man didn’t have much time left in Japan, so Satoru took it upon himself to initiate the much needed apology. “Yuuta, I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you after all those years. I’ve been cruel.”

It was crazy to even think that this person in front of him was related to Eula at all. Except for their shared features, he carried none of her rotten personality and it was something that Gojou deeply admired. Yuuta was a man who upheld his own moral values despite the evil that surrounded him. If only they had more time to bond as real brothers. “That’s okay. You had reasons and I hadn’t been transparent to you since the beginning, either. I can see why you misunderstood my past actions.”

“I was blinded by rage.” Satoru got up from his seat and walked towards the edge to look down at the view of the central business district from his office. “And most of all, I was spiteful and just a plain awful person. It’s also the reason why my wife hates me right now.”

Yuuta ended up standing next to his brother as they stared at the same urban landscape down below. “She’ll forgive you,” his words were sincere, “I’m sure she will, eventually.”

He really must be stubborn as hell. Either he got it from his father or he was just born hard-headed, but there was no denying that Satoru had always been a froward person. He didn’t listen despite the numerous times his mom told him to get some rest or when his secretary promised him that she would be the one to give him hourly updates about you. Why bother? He had already become insomniac so losing a little more sleep wasn’t a big deal.

Satoru was at a point where he could no longer stand being repressed of a right to see his own wife. It wasn’t like he would bother you in the first place. All he wanted was to touch your cheek, tell you he was sorry, and promise you that he would stay until you get better again. In sickness and in health, it wasn’t just a scripted vow with empty meanings. It was a commitment between two spouses at the union of their heart and soul. You must think it was farcical for someone like Satoru to be placing this much value about a marriage he was once ready to ruin. Wasn’t he the one who persistently declared how much he despised being married to you?

Yet, before anyone else knew about what he had done to you, your altruistic nature never stopped caring for him even when he didn’t deserve it. How you made his sleep more comfortable, how you protected him with your frail body in front of his abusive father, how you forgave him when no one would have. Where else could he find a wife like you?

Because you were running in his mind nonstop, Satoru figured that the only way for his heart to be at peace was if he could visit you. A minute or two would suffice if you really couldn’t look at his face, but it was only fair that he could at least see his wife in person. Would Gen lash out at him? Would your father block his way? He didn’t mind being on the receiving end of their hostility because it would all be worth it once he was already in front of you.

One on hand, the journey to get there was rocky. The biggest challenge down the road was facing his father-in-law who met him halfway through the hallway to prevent him from going any closer to your room.

“I really have to see her,” Satoru’s voice was begging. “I have to. I’m sorry.”

Your father’s eyes refused to meet his under the harsh fluorescent lights. With a hand in his pockets and a face void of any emotion, his main goal was to shatter every inch of Satoru’s heart by asking for one earnest request. “Divorce her.” It wasn’t even a request, but a demand. “It’s what she wants.”

No, no way. Satoru was frantically shaking his head. “No, dad—what do you mean? I c-can’t. I can’t do that.”

“I’m only saying this to you so you know, but she’s already decided.” The man drew in a deep breath. “If you really love her like you said, then sign the papers and cut off your ties with her. I have powerful lawyers by my side so it’s best if you just comply.”

“I-I don’t want to. Dad, please don’t. I’m begging you.” His face had gone ashen, almost in the same color as his white hair. “We have a baby. We… We can’t divorce, no—I can’t agree to this… I can’t.”

“Satoru, listen to me—”

“I have to see her and our baby. I have to tell her that I love her and that—”

“You can’t see her right now—”

“I h-have to, I’m gonna—”

“She’s getting an abortion.”

His brain paused for a moment and his eyes dilated in shock, taking in more light as every part of him went on an agonizing pause to allow his thoughts to connect with every living nerve in his brain. He found himself on a platform, a train fast approaching before realizing that his feet remained rooted on the ground—paralyzed, unmoving. Never before had Satoru noticed how the past three days had passed like thousands of camera frames per second shown one at a time.

No other sound escaped his pale lips but a laugh of disbelief. “That’s… That’s a sick joke. Please don’t say that again.”

“Dr. Ieiri,” the old man let out a deep sigh and acknowledged the younger woman who had arrived next to Satoru as if anticipating the hurricane that was about to come. “I think it’s best if you tell him.”

That’s a lie. No, that can’t be true. That can’t be.

Ieiri knew what answer her best friend wanted to hear, and yet all she could give was an uneasy glance at his father-in-law before enlightening him about the situation. “Gojou…” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “I understand it’s shocking for you to hear, but Y/N’s in her room… she’s currently getting a surgical abortion. I’m sorry.”

“Ieiri—No… That’s, no. That’s not possible, that’s…” His denial was calm before the storm. His faint tears were drizzles before an impending downpour. His breathing was a whistle of wind preparing for a lightning to strike. It was safe to say that Satoru, a man whose biggest dream was to raise a child with his wife, had finally lost it. “NO! WHERE’S SH—TH-THIS CAN’T HAPPEN! Y/N—!”

Next thing he knew, he was pushing everyone out of his way as he came sprinting down towards your room in utmost desperation, thrashing the bodyguards that blocked his path, and sobbing hysterically while calling for your name. He banged your door again and again, hoping that his fist was enough to awaken his wife from proceeding to do such horror. How could you decide on this without telling him? How could you easily let go of a baby out of spite for the father?

“Satoru, wait!” Shoko was behind him, trying hard enough to pull him back but the man’s rational mind was far too gone. He didn’t give a single damn if he looked like a madman who escaped an asylum, choking on his own tears without a care for his surroundings. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay… Just trust me.”

“N-No, sh-she can’t do that! She can’t… Ieiri… Please! Let me go! LET ME GO!” Gojou’s screams reflected the throes of a father that could make anyone’s heart break in half. “Y/N! DON’T! PLEASE, DON’T DO THIS T-TO MY CHILD!”

“Satoru, it’s gonna be okay.”

“Mr. Gojou, please calm down.”

How could they even say those? His insides felt as if there was nothing there, only a stomach that twisted every time he recalled the once happy memory of him hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. He remembered the day when he first saw the baby sonogram. He remembered the nights where he would read your baby all those bedtime stories or the mornings where he would kiss your belly. After everything you two had been through, after the vows you recently made and the new memories you had just created, after all the days and nights he spent thinking of the future he wanted with you—why did you choose to punish him with this?

This, you, everything—it was all so unfair.

He nearly passed out on the floor after he screamed his heart out, broke down, thrashed around. He released all the pain in his heart in the form of tears and silent pleas. He wasn’t mad at you or your family or the doctors who were pulling his unborn baby out of your womb. He was mad at himself for being the reason why an innocent soul that he loved with all his heart had to suffer from the consequences of his sins. This was his fault. He murdered his own child.

“Y/N… Wh-Why…” If anyone could see Satoru weeping, they would probably rejoice and applaud you for giving him what he deserved. That wasn’t what hurt him, what killed him twice in a slow painful death was the thought of a 5-month old fetus being taken out of you. “Ieiri, why did she—”

“It’s gonna be okay.” Shoko held him in her arms and rubbed his back in an attempt to calm him down. For a gynecologist, hundreds of women visit her clinic every year due to unwanted pregnancy. This case was no different to the ones she had dealt with before, but the fact that even Ieiri herself refused to do the job, Satoru hit the peak of his misery.

He questioned the legality of this procedure all while he wailed in her arms. His bloodshot eyes, all red and moist, were searching hers for some comfort. “I-Isn’t it too late for her to do this? I don’t get this—I don’t. She loves our child, how could she just…? Why did they allow it? Ieiri… Please. It hurts so much… My baby, our baby.”

“Satoru, I’m sorry. Second-trimester surgical abortion can be performed for pregnancy termination due to maternal health conditions,” was her professional answer, but minus a medical standpoint, she could see why this was extremely painful to a father who had no idea that he was never going to see his child. “Just trust me. It’s difficult right now, but one day you’ll understand that things aren’t what they seem.”

What does she even mean? He was too nauseous to ask. Too weak to get up. Too mentally traumatized to process anything except his wife’s sudden decision. He wanted to scream. He wanted to shout and release the heavy weight in his chest just so he could feel a little bit better, even for a minute, a millisecond. He wanted to punch the wall until his knuckles would bleed just so he could redirect the pain out of his system.

This was his fault. He did this to you. He did this to your baby.

He had no worth.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Satoru had everything. A mansion of his own, a collection of expensive foreign cars, a multi-billion dollar conglomerate, and fortunes that he could enjoy until his last breath—but if the universe couldn’t grant him his wife and their child, what else was his purpose in life? How else could he define happiness in a world without his only source of light?

It was ironic, wasn’t it? When granted everything, you couldn’t do anything but just die peacefully.

He was thrown into darkness, sucked into an inescapable black hole, eternally surrounded by the absence of light without ever reaching the bottom.

At times like these, alcohol was the only way to numb this colossal pain. It was his needed remedy to bury the rippling stress and anxiety that coursed through his body. The burning feeling in his throat felt like a graze from a thousand razor blades, silencing him from his screams, hushing him from his grief. The whiskey had a strong flavor of melancholy that heightened his evanescent lack of sensation. Paralyzed from waist down, it was almost a robotic movement for him to down another gulp of the hard liquor before planting his face against the cold surface of the wood.

“Gojou.” Suguru’s strict voice overpowered the bar’s old classic tunes. “Gojou, that’s enough.” The man only had unaccomplished attempts to steal the bottle from his best friend’s grasp. “You’ve had too much of that.”

Besides his lazy eyes and empty smile, the drunkhead was a minute close to blacking out. “How much is too much?”

“Your life’s not gonna get better with alcohol.” Getou’s irony elicited a scoff from the drunken man. “Y/N’s not gonna come back if you—”

“Hasn’t she given up already?” he cut him off, eyes reflecting his breaking point. “She refused to let me see her. She got rid of my child without telling me. Isn’t that… Isn’t that a sign that she just won’t be coming back?”

Suguru watched how Gojou held on to his glass with a somber expression. “Do you think she’s gonna be happy when she sees you like this?”

There was no answer to his question. Your romance book was destined to meet its tragic end from the very beginning because a man like him was no perfect prince in a fairytale. Staying with him made you miserable. Marrying him was a taste of hell in itself. With over seven billion people in the world, Satoru was the last person you should have exchanged vows with because he could only give you nothing but misery for the rest of your life.

“There’s something you should know.” Suguru placed a hand on his shoulder. “I wasn’t gonna tell you because of Ieiri, but…”

What else could kill Satoru at this point? He had already gone through it all. It was clear from his crestfallen face that the thin string of hope that was holding him together would soon get cut. “What is it?” In spite of asking, was he really prepared for the answer?

He wasn’t.

He was far from prepared that even the alcohol in his system had flushed out on its own when Suguru finally told him, “Y/N’s planning to leave Japan for some time. I… I heard her and Ieiri talking over the phone,” he paused, refusing to see the pain that casted Satoru’s face, “She leaves next week.”

Satoru’s grip on the glass was so strong he could almost break it. “…Do you think she’d be happier without me?”

Of course Suguru would say no, but Gojou realized that he would rather not hear words that carried no weight. He would rather not hear words that were only uttered for the sake of protecting his feelings. There wasn’t anything to protect nor was there anything to save.

“I think you should let her go,” was the candid advice his best friend could give.

Satoru was a lost cause. He knew it himself that Suguru was right. Letting you go instead of chasing you around was the most selfless act he could return as a payback for all the sacrifices you had done for him. For better, for worse. It was about time that he understood his own vows.

Although he was already at the margin of despair, he held it together until he had come home to the penthouse at 3 a.m., stumbling on his weak feet and dizzied mind. What was once a happy home became a dark, empty apartment that produced no other sound but the echoes of his muffled sobs. Satoru had not bothered to open the lights and neither did he run to the room to check if your clothes were still in the closet. He would only hurt himself for doing so, knowing that he was yet again back to the version of him who was left and abandoned by the most important person in his life.

Frankly, it was tiring to live like this. It was exhausting to even traipse across the apartment, forcibly dragging his torpid body and watching his silhouette cast its shape from the floor-to-ceiling windows that reflected a constellation of city lights and twinkling stars. But unlike the luminosity of the world outside of his home, he was a shadow full of cynical thoughts. His despondency had no other color but black.

Everything around him was monochrome except for the large wedding portrait outside of your room. His heart stopped as his eyes scanned the large frame—seeing that beautiful wedding dress, seeing that radiant face, seeing you standing next to him as his lawfully wedded wife. It was deeply insulting that he could barely rewind the exact memory of you walking down the aisle on your wedding day because he had barely paid attention to you at the time. All he could remember was the devastation on your face when you met him at the altar and realized that you were falling into the trap of a loveless marriage with the worst husband of all.

This marriage was a failure he brought upon himself, but a chance at freedom that he had decided to willingly give you. There was no point in holding you hostage for his selfish desire. Keeping you caged in his heart, no matter how desperate he was, would only ruin you more.

After taking another swig from his bottle of whiskey, he had fallen on his knees with his palm pressed against the wedding portrait. Looking up to see your face was a bullet to his heart that killed him every second, sending a fatal shock of electricity in his veins, and leaving him choking in a flood of warm tears.

“I can’t go on without you,” his hushed voice was the loudest silence in this empty room, “Y/N...”

Again, that question: what did he know about love? He found yet another answer to it. Love was like oxygen that his body needed in order to breathe, and although it remained unseen, without it he was better off dead.

“For the whole time we were together,” he continued his heartbreaking monologue, “You tried so hard to fix me, but in the end, you still couldn’t. I-I was… I was far too hopeless. I didn’t deserve you. I ruined you. Us.”

Satoru felt as though he was transported into a cosmic void where perception, communication, and every action involved in living was forcibly carried out an infinite number of times. Flashes of memory entered his mind like a cinematic frame rate running at twenty-four frames per second. Each picture had your happiest days and saddest nights that widened every crevice in his heart, bleeding it all out until there was not a drop of blood left to release.

Blood, he found dark humor at the sudden thought that crossed his mind. If even alcohol could not numb his pain, then…

[warning: depictions of self-harm, suicide]

“Maybe this will.” He sat on the floor, smashing the glass against the marble surface, and reaching for the largest shard he could find. Instead of numbing the pain, how about terminate it completely? This sadness was a force pressing down on him and he concluded to himself that submitting into it was the only choice he had left. Death to him was a reward, pain to him was a gratifying sensation. As he wrapped his palm around the glass shard, the sharp edge managed to cut through his flesh and open new wounds where a thick gush of blood could seep through. The sting from the laceration gave him a sense of satisfaction as blobs of crimson liquid flooded the floor along with the waterfall of tears that escaped his eyes.

More, more, more. He deserved to punish himself and he did it by stabbing his left forearm, puncturing the skin on his wrist and dragging the sharp edge deep within his tendon to tear the outer flesh in a trajectory that went upwards. He should probably cut a vein or two in there so he could leave no room for healing.

Or, perhaps he could just aim straight to his heart. Just one stab deep enough to pass through his chest—it wouldn’t even take an hour for him to kill himself. He hoped you could understand. This was his only way out. The suffering, the torment, the endless agony—they would all leave his body without any scintilla of misery left to hurt him further.

And once he reunited with his unborn baby in the afterlife, they could both look after you in a distance where pain could no longer reach you.

I love you, Y/N. So much that I’d rather die than not be with you.

While his tears continued to flow, Satoru was a dried prune. His intoxication only heightened his inevitable depression, realizing that his life had no purpose and that no one would have cried for his loss. He had no one else—the world hated him, Nana was gone, his mother had her own life, his father was a dying vegetable, and his unborn child had become an angel. He only had you and still lost you, but this time, it was because he would rather lose you than to live a life full of guilt by forcing you to be with him. For all the wrong things he did, he finally recognized the boundaries that he had to respect. For you.

So if ending his life by his own hands could free him from his agony, then by all means. A quick death by stabbing his heart or cutting a gash on his neck which would be enough for him to choke on his own blood. Death and darkness, both of which were pulling him in and whispering the words ‘do it’ in his ear as he raised his shaky hands to finally end the searing pain in his chest.

“Satoru! What are you—what are you doing?!”

Blinded by the sudden light that appeared above him, the face of his crying mother who once abandoned him was now here to stop his wrist from piercing the broken glass into his chest. She was on the floor, sobbing for her son and bringing him into her arms like she was cradling a child. The child she had left behind.

“M-Mom, j-just let me.” His tears soaked through her cardigan. “I wanna die.”

“No, don’t say that!” What came out of her mouth was the sound of a mother’s heartbreak as she took the shard away from his clasp while joining him in his ceaseless crying. Embracing him tightly was the only thing she could offer as he continued to cry his heart out. The sound of his weeping brought an excruciating clench in her heart. “My son. Don’t do this to yourself, please… Please. Mom’s here for you. I won’t leave.”

He clutched her arm with his bloody hands and burst into a sob. Much to the violent tremble of his hands, his voice also quivered uncontrollably. “I wanna… kill myself, mom.”

Outside the large windows of his apartment, the moon stared at this doleful scene between a mother and her son. Both grief-stricken, both in a fit of winter doldrums.

“Satoru, killing yourself will not stop the pain,” she spoke through ragged breaths as tears welled up her eyes, “it’ll only bring more pain to others left behind.”

His heart lurched. “No ones left behind.”

“You have me,” she reassured, “you have your stepbrother, you have your best friends.”

Despite being a mere speck of dust in a supercluster of galaxies, no one would understand that Satoru Gojou’s universe was a woman that had the other half of his soul.

“I don’t have her.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

jjk general taglist: @kity @deeznutss @suhkusa @wonyoschubs @the-golden-jhope @6mattsun9 @hokageyamz @ermahgerd-larry-and-ziam @crashica @aizawap @juniorhooter @atsumusoup @gxtitobxby @dora-the-grownup @softy-woo @tsumume @kac-chowsballs @anime-nymph @kageyamakock @onlyonew @underratedmage @crapimahuman @alicia-1725 @fatal-impact

sincerely not taglist: @itsnotsoni @pluviophilefangirl @daphnxy @choso-bee @omisemi @captainchrisstan @http-strawbebbies @xllance @jonsncws @and-you-found-me @tobiotetsu @jeonjungkookismyfuture @d-efend @honouredsatoru @my-reality-is-in-my-head @blueowl51 @misslovingpearl @cuteissei @japanesevenom @borpcorp

[writedisaster]

Vamptober Roundup!

WEEK ONE!

1: Me, My Blood, and I - feat. Blackwell. cn: blood (duh), self-harm

2: Like Sire, Like Childe - feat. Bitsy Buonamico. cn: weird parental relationships

3: My Eternal Conviction - feat. Gerg the Drowned Man. cn: climate change

4: The Powerful One - feat. Blackwell, Colonel Kensington. cn: military, ableism

5: What Hides in the Darkness? - feat. Lip, Phoebe. cn: drugs, misgendering, familial abuse (implied)

6: The Monster in Me - feat. Janet, Kizzie. cn: blood, violence, whatever the hell is going on with their relationship dynamic

7: You Are What You Eat - feat. Blackwell. cn: drugs

WEEK TWO!!

8. Memoriam - feat. Bitsy. cn: murder, stalking, disrespect of the dead

9. Will You Be Mine Forever? - feat. James, Columbia, Lip. cn: abuse, controlling / possessive behavior, misogyny, choking

10. Where The Bloodsuckers Dance - feat. Bitsy. cn: this one’s... pretty lighthearted? that’s weird.

11. My Safe Haven - feat. Lip. cn: homelessness, classism, distorted text, mentions of police.

12. Humanity Lost - feat. Kizzie. cn: child neglect

13. We Gather Here Tonight - feat. Janet, Barney @canonfoddcr, Blood Roach. cn: animal death (offscreen)

14. The Curse of My Blood - feat. Benita.  cn: loss

WEEK THREE!!!

15. Remorse - feat. Blackwell. cn: csa (implied, off-screen)

16. Things I’ve Learned Since I Died - feat. Bitsy.  cn: mild body horror

17. When Sun Used to Shine - feat. Angelo, Blackwell.

18. Can We Drink from Each Other? - feat. Blackwell.  cn: self harm.

19. Let the Darkness Embrace You - feat. xXx_darkness_l0rd_667_xXx

20. The Worst Night of My Unlife - feat. Kat, Kizzie, and the Bad News Babes.  cn: unreality

21. Special Diet - feat. James, Lip.  cn: disordered eating, violation of boundaries, possessive / controlling behavior, predatory / abusive narrator, slut-shaming, degrading language, dead dove do not eat etc

WEEK FOUR!!!!

22. Fashion Never Dies - feat. Bitsy.

23. Can Vampires Feel Love? - feat. Lip, friend OC Aurélie

24. the Masquerade - feat. Matthew.

25. Faith(less) - feat. Blackwell.  cn: religion

26. Fight Until the Last Drop - feat. Jules

27. Something to Unlive For - feat. Blackwell

28. What Makes Me Remember - feat. Lip. cn: assault (past, not explicitly described), violation of boundaries, vomit/purging.  i don’t really know how to tag this one but it’s a lot.  someone does something bad to Lip and it triggers their PTSD but they’re being a real champ about it.

FINAL NIGHTS.....

29. Don’t Trust the One with Fangs - feat. Lip, Chouchette.  cn: lighthearted!

30. Hope Dies Last - feat. Matthew, Lip, Columbia (dead).  cn: death / loss, drug mention

31. The End of Me - feat. Blackwell, Aurélie. cn: desecration of the dead (mentioned)

[ox1-lovesick]

── ASKS.

My blog is a safe space for everyone, I do not tolerate hate

No smut or any form of sexual content please, I am a minor

All I ask is that you be respectful, please do not send hate or be rude. I don't handle negativity well and if you make me uncomfortable I will not hesitate to block you no matter how close we may have been

It may take a while for me to answer asks since I am a full-time student, so please be patient with me

Asks are open for anything! whether you just want to chat about random things or get something off your chest, you can always send in an ask !

── REQUESTS/SUGGESTIONS.

You are welcome to send anything you'd like me to write in my asks! however, I cannot guarantee that I will write it. I take requests as suggestions and not as something I have to write.

I will take requests for short fics (500-3k words), reactions, headcannons, timestamps, drabbles, imagines, mtl, texts and one-shots

I am also open to you sharing your thoughts with me ^^ ie. soft hour asks and such

when requesting things such as headcannons or reactions for seventeen, please do so in units (performance, hiphop or vocal)

I will take requests for genres such as fluff, comfort, hurt, angst or a mix of such (although i must warn you that i am terrible at writing angst 💔)

My fics will be gn reader by default, but I will write for fem or male readers if requested (i am not male but i will do my best)

Please do not request member x member, polyamorous or open relationships, I don't write those kinds of things (I may in the future but not currently). I will write another member as a love interest to the reader or a second lead but not shipped with another member

As I've mentioned, I am a full-time student. Therefore I don't have a lot of free time. Please be patient with me.

With that being said, do not rush me, if you do I will delete your request

No smut or any form of sexual content, I am a minor.

List of things I will not write (tba):

Smut, gore, self harm, eating disorders, death, murder, kidnapping, fetishism, rape or assault of any kind, member x member, yandere, hybrid/omegaverse, polyamorous or open relationships, siblings/family (including step) to lovers or any other type of incestuous relationship, age gaps bigger than 5 years, minor x adult or other any other type of pedophilic behaviour (eg. an adult waiting for a minor to turn legal to approach them)

── MUTUALS.

Please read the my dni in my carrd (linked in navi) before interacting.

Just because we follow each other, that does noot mean we are friends. Please don't tag me in ask and reblog games and such if we haven't interacted properly before

Soft block to break mutual effect, hard block if you approach me after

Please respect my boundaries and just don't be rude. I don't handle negativity well and if you make me uncomfortable I will not hesitate to block you

If I do or say something you feel is out of line, rude or offensive in any way, tell me. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone's feelings. I will issue an apology and educate myself to the best of my abilities

I use terms of endearment such as bae, love, babe, baby, etc. please let me know if they make you uncomfortable.

[just-another-miserable-prick]

~Welcome to the madness that is this wonderful account~

Aight, so-

Name's Ella, she/they and I ramble a lot. This post is all about tags, my (very much wip) TTTE AU(s), all that good stuff. I like drawing and writing, I'm not too good at either of them. Also, English is my second language. My native language is Hungarian btw.

Tags:

#Ella's rambles - Quite self-explanatory, but for those in the back, if you see this tag, I'm just rambling about whatever comes to my mind, let that be lore, OCs, whatever.

#Ella talks - I'm gonna use this for my vent posts/real talk, if I were to do any of that. Will likely be seen along with my ramble tag cuz I tend to ramble about everything.

#Ella's drawings - It's in the name, just my drawings.

#Ella tried - This is for my writing endeavors, as I'm not very experienced, or good at writing. But hey, I'm trying here!

#Ella's AUs - This is exclusively for lore and AU stuff. I have one for the time being, the In The Sky AU, which I'll talk about later.

#Ella's canons - This is for my headcanons! And trust me, it's a lot.

#Ella's reblogs - I'll use this for the shit I happen to reblog, really self-explanatory.

#Remind me to trim my bangs - This is my "note to self" kind of tag. Don't take this literally. I do remember to trim my bangs. Most of the time.

(Will probably add more later)

A few warnings before I forget:

⚠️Vulgar language: I have the vocabulary of a sailor, which means I cuss far too much. If you don't like that sort of thing, this isn't the place for you.

⚠️Less than lighthearted themes: while I like keeping things fun and lighthearted, there will, on rare occasion, be mentions of death, suicide, self harm, less than ideal upbringing (and that's putting it lightly!), and other not-so-fun themes. If you're sensitive to any of the above, again, this isn't the place for you.

(May add more later)

So my AU:

(Sodor High School AU has been banished to the backrooms)

In The Sky AU: My passion project AU that takes place in the sky, with the "engines", or "Wingmen" as I call them living their everyday lives flying around the Island of Sodor, mainly relying on tourism and cargo traffic for their work.

I actually have an AU sideblog @ttte-in-the-sky-au!

Let's talk OCs!

I have a lot, but the most important ones are:

Mihály

Erzsébet

Endre

Ella

Ships! This is very much headcanon territory, so feel free to disagree with any of the following:

Edward x Henry: Absolutely my OTP, the cutest couple on this planet. Pure fluffy adorableness.

Gordon x James: The type of couple to argue over which one of them is hotter- they have ego wars a lot, but I see them being a fun duo most of the time.

Emily x Rosie: Boss babe coffee-holic and the one to keep them in check. All I know is that they're adorable lol

I believe that's it for now, but before I forget, feel free to send me a PM! I might not reply fast because of school hours, but I'll do my best to read whatever you have to say!

And with that out of the way, have a good one!