#[ lmao i'm so sorry ben baby ]

[lokideservesahug]

Perfect pair

-°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°--°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°-Pairings: Lewis Hamilton x famous!actress!Reader

Warnings: Maybe a swear word or two, idk. There is loads of mentions of dogs so Im sorry if you're allergic :(.

Notes: I saw a tik tok (by the user ayloparis) about celebrities seen on raya, the celeb dating app. And Lewis was just there (middle photo above)!?!? And it stuck in my mind (also Ben Hardy was there aswell, how random).

Summary: When you moved to Monaco, the last thing you expected was your greatest fan and a fan of a race car driver to almost force you to go on a date with said F1 driver. But when you find that same man on a dating app, it doesn't hurt that talk to him; especially because he's so gorgeous.

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☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

Yourusername

Yourusername: Great awards weekend with an even better ending of going home to my best friend🤍

Liked by hamm4rtim4, thelomlyn and 3,987,091 others

View all comments

User1: Girls be saying the most heartfelt, sweetest things ever about someone and that someone ends up being their dog...

↳Yourusername: 😮It's me! I'm girls!

↳User2: Dont blame you tbh. I also love your dog Y/N

User3: One of these days, She'll post a soft launch (it'll never happen)

↳User4: Nothing can ever get rid of her baby from her posts!

Thelomlyn: Y/NNNNNNNN?

↳ Yourusername: You're back!!

↳ Thelomlyn: You know it. Also its probably a stretch but you know you said that you'd trust me with almost anything?

↳ Yourusername: OH no... But yeah?

↳ Thelomly/n: Well a friend of mine (hamm4rtim4) and I think we've found the perfect guy for you

↳ Yourusername: Oh... I'm intrigued. Who do you think this guy perfect for me is then?

↳ Hamm4rtim4: Sir Lewis Hamilton

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

Yourusername

📍Circuit de Monaco, Monte Carlo

Yourusername: What a great weekend! El made a new friend @roscoelovescoco. And well done to his dad @lewishamilton for managing to get the win, it was an amazing race. 🤍

Liked by Lewishamilton, roscoelovescoco and 3,678,905 others

View all 6,876 comments

Roscoelovescoco: It's was lovely's to see's you's!

↳ Yourusername: And it was lovely to see you. Although I think El misses you already. She looks devastated without you!

↳ Roscoelovescoco: Well's we've God's to see's you's soon then!

↳ Yourusername: I wouldn't have it any other way🤍

↳User1: Awww that's so adorable

↳User 2: Lewis x Y/N and Roscoe x El. It's meant to be!!!

Lewishamilton: Thank you for your support (and for dogsitting Roscoe).

↳ Yourusername: Any time. And like I said we'll done, you did truly brilliantly this weekend 🤍

↳ Lewishamilton: ❤

↳User3: And so we're meant to believe that they aren't dating!?!?!?!?

↳User4: Ikr. They make such a good (and attractive pair)

Liked by Lewishamilton

User5: Idk why they hid it. Because if I was dating acadamy award winning actress Y/N Y/L/N, I'd never shut up about it.

Liked by Lewishamilton

↳User6: LEWIS LIKING OMD. That has to be a PR concern? RIGHT!??!?!

Mercedesamgf1: Thank you for all of your support this weekend, glad to see you found the right team to support first time. 🖤

↳ Yourusername: It wasn't difficult when you have a certain Hamilton to convince me!

↳ Mercedesamgf1: 🤨

↳ Yourusername: Yeah Roscoe is the best person in the sport!!!

↳User7: Even admin is suspicious lmao

↳User8: She thinks she's so sly...

User9: I'm just saying if they get together, then their dogs can live together and they can all live happily ever after.

Liked by Lewishamilton, yourusername

User10: Lewis likeing all of the comments about him and Y/N is so unserious yet kinda sweet.

↳User11: Like yeah he wants to show her off and let their dogs have kids as they grow old together (they aren't 100% dating)

↳User12: Awww them growing old together with their little bulldogs is adorable

Liked by yourusername

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

Lewishamilton

Lewishamilton: Thank you everyone for helping me to get in that top step once again. Its been really tough the past few years but by putting lots of time and effort in it clearly payed off.

Thank you to all the mechanics for your endless work. Thank you to Toto for putting up with my constant feedback, thank you George for helping defend and let me keep that top position today. And most importantly, thank you to my 'personal cheerleader' Y/N. Who has helped to support me, bring me joy and just be a beacon of hope throughout the turbulent season start. I love you ❤

Liked by Yourusername, Mercedesamgf1 and 5,897,098 others

View all 57,764 comments

Yourusername: Love you Lew. You're amazing🤍

↳ Lewishamilton: ❤

↳User1: Awww they've been hiding in plain sight (everyone knew)

User2: Shut up that is adorable. And I love the Y/N effect. You can't have a photo dump without El

↳Yourusername: Why would you want to? Unless it has Roscoe in (I love that dog sm)

↳Roscoelovescoco: Awww's I's love's you's too's

Mercedesamgf1: Felling left out rn🥲

↳User3: I love you admin

↳User4: Well done admin

↳Yourusername: We love you admin

↳Mercedesamgf1: Aww thanks guys. Love you more!

User5: Whoever would have expected this!?!?!? Me. I did.

User6: Does this mean we'll get Lewis in a blockbuster film

↳ Yourusername: He can sing, he can dance... question is, can he act?🤔

User7: This is such a random pairing. I love it.

↳ Yourusername: You can thank @thelomlyn and @hamm4rtim4 for that

↳ Lewishamilton: Thank you you two

↳Thelomlyn: I think you just killed @hamm4rtim4. Oh my gosh. This is unreal.

-°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°--°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°-

Thank you for reading! As always, likes, reblogs and especially feedback is always welcome!

Also my inbox is open if you ever have a request!

Taglist: @nikfigueiredo @mysoulispainted @leclercings @d3kstar @hiireadstuff @a-beaverhausen @nichmeddar @lozzamez3 @stinkyjax @marymustdie @littlesatanicassholebitch @mehrmonga @insanedeathwish @ems-alexandra @a-disturbing-self-reflection @cherry-piee

[aliorsboxostuff]

ANOTHER SELF INDULGENT FIC? YES. I told yall i love fangs SO MUCH AAARGHH and MIGUEL?? HAVING FANGS?? HELLOOOOOO anyhow this is just full of me simping for that beautiful, insane man. Gotta love me a dilf with fangs and claws. Anyhow enjoy this piece yall lmao. I PROMISE ILL GET TO YOUR REQUESTS

Canines

Tags: Miguel O’hara xM!Reader, Miguel O’hara x gn!reader, Spidey!Reader, Lyla, Jessica Drew, Ben Riley, Spider Society, No Smut, Almost ig?, Fluff, He/Him prns for Reader, Reader is a sunshine, Soft!Miguel, Established relationship, This is just me simping for Miguel tbh, gotta love this man, slight sub!Miguel, Kissing, making out, HIS FANG BRO

Even after spending time with Miguel, successfully becoming his boyfriend and getting on his good side, there's the one thing you can get your mind off of; those damn fangs.

—

You and Miguel have been dating for a solid 5 months now. You still remember the day you got introduced to the spider society and met him. Those dark eyes that flash red, tall and broody, sharp talons that scrape against metal, swept back hair that might as well have swept you off your feet. No literally. The first day you went to meet him you tripped on air and fell straight into his arms. 

How did that manage to win his heart? Now that's the real anomaly. 

One thing you can't get over and can't seem to wrap your head around is his fangs. You’ve been told by him it's used to paralyze enemies when needed, and most of the time he forgets it’s there. But in your mind, you keep replaying the times when he talked, or his rare smiles and laughs reserved for only you. How does he eat with it? Did he ever bite himself when he goes on his rants? How does he not have a lisp with how big they are?

When the sharp fangs glints and it sends shivers down your body. Curiosity and arousal clouds you whenever Miguel talks, and it’s honestly distracting at team meetings.

“Hey, you there?” He snaps his fingers in front of you as you blink away the thoughts, realizing a couple of other Spideys in the briefing looking at you with squinted eyes. 

“Oh yeah- Sorry, pre-mission anxiety and all,” You tried to laugh it off, averting from Miguel's worried gaze. He knows you're capable, he knows you're strong, that's the reason why you're always with him on missions, why you're trusted with a team. But those flashing red eyes couldn't help but hesitate each time you leave the base. 

Miguel continues the brief, assigning teams to universes and anomalies. He sends you off with your teams while he leads his. Each team consists of two spideys, if the anomaly is a particularly notorious villain in their respective universes, Miguel would send three. You’re standing next to Jessica, her bike parked just meters from the portal. While the others had already jumped, Miguel stayed behind while Ben jumped first into the portal. The hum of Jessica’s bike startles you and breaks your eyes from staring at Miguel, and she seems to notice.

“Go ahead, go talk to him,” She nods, a small smile on her lips before she rides off into the portal. You sigh, with your boyfriend staying behind, he seems to have the same idea. 

You walk across the metal floor, Miguel standing just near his portal. “So, an easy one today, huh?” 

“Yeah, me and Ben can take care of him, it’s just another Doc Oct,” He checks something on his watch, the orange hologram lighting up. You can't help but notice it gleams against his fangs. 

“Alright, uhm-” You cough, alerting Miguel as he turns to you. “Be safe out there, babe,” 

The way you said those last words, too small for your usual cheerfulness, makes Miguel’s brows furrow. He reaches for your hand, softly holding them. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, I'm fine! Don't worry baby,” You smirk, patting his arm where he’s still holding your hand. “Stay safe, and come back home, okay?” 

Miguel tilts his head slightly, before his lips quirks, a ghost of a smile. “You too, my love,” 

And with that, Miguel turns and enters his portal, the circle closes as he disappears. You sigh, both relieved and frustrated somehow. You shook your head, trying to dissipate those thoughts, at least for the time being. Glancing at your portal, you take another breath, before running and leaping into it, another day of saving the multiverse.

—

“Okay, what's going on?” You turn to Jessica leaning on her bike, arms crossed and one brow raised. It’s the ‘Spill It’ face you’ve come to love, but also loathe when she uses it on you.

“What’s ‘what’ going on?” Jessica scoffs, tilting her head when your back is still facing her while you twip a web at the Lizard's jaw, the anomaly tied and secured, ready for transport. “Nothings going on,”

She sees you shrug as you turn around, her only response is to nod again, gauging an answer. Her eyes stare deep into you, making you gulp as you aver her sharp, questioning glare. A beat passes, your suit suddenly feels clammier than usual. You tug slightly at the part that hugs your neck, looking down at the street. 

“Okay fine!” You huff, a satisfied smirk from Jessica. “I’ve been thinking about Miguel-”

“That's not new sweetie,” She snickers, making you stumble on your words. 

“I’m- I know but it's not about him… I guess?”

“Go on…”

“Have you-” You huff, crossing your arms. “You’ve seen his fangs, right? Those sharp things,” You point to your own little fangs, which makes Jesicca hum.

“Hard not to,” She shrugs.

“You ever wonder how sharp they are?” You tilt your head, fully turning to Jessica. “Y’know it's pretty big, and pretty sharp, I wonder how he doesn't bite himself with it? Or how he doesn't have a lisp, or maybe he can retract them but then when he talks it’s always out so I don't know if he can do that, we’ve kissed a couple of times but I didn't feel those things-”

“Okay whoa there,” She chuckles, walking towards you. “I get it, cool fangs, you’re curious about them,” 

She places her hands on your shoulders, a grin on her lips. “That's what got you all distracted today?”

“Yeah… Sorry,” 

“Oh don't be kid, I get it,” She nods, before giggling. “Not ‘get it’ get it, but you're in love, and love makes curiosity and wonder, and I get that,” She pats your arms.

“Bring that up with Miguel, would’ya?” She grinned, a mischievous glint behind her goggles. You blink, realizing she has started walking back to her bike. You chuckle, a steady blush spreading on your cheeks.

“Y-yeah, I will,” You smile, shooting out webs to bring the anomaly back while Jasicca rides into the portal first.

—

Once the anomalies are stored in their cells and boxes, Miguel debriefs the others while you were making sure each anomaly is accounted for.

“I think that's all, right Lyla?” You nod to her small figure sitting on your shoulder. She looks at one of her holograms before nodding.

“Yep! All here,” Her holograms disappear as she glitches and changes to your right shoulder. She suddenly leans in, a dangerous smirk on her face. “So that's what’s up huh?”

You groan, flinching your shoulder which makes her hologram change to stand in front of you. “Lyla you know I hate it when you listen in,” 

“Hey I always listen in, y’know I’m online at all times,” She snickers. “Don't worry, your secret is safe with me,” 

You huff, which makes her laugh as you roll your eyes. You glance at Miguel, still talking with the other spideys, those distracting fangs just barely visible between his soft lips. 

“Sooo…” Lyla floats in front of you, again. “You plannin’ on saying anything?” 

She can practically hear the gears in your head turning, before you sigh and remove your mask, adjusting your ruffled hair. “I suggest you stay offline tonight,”

Lyla spots the blooming red that spreads across your face, at which she giggles mischievously. “Okay, whatever you say,” She shrugs before glitching to your right. “I'll just hang out with Margo then,” 

“Yeah, thanks Lyla,” A grateful smile on your lips. Lyla nods before she disappears and leaves you alone. 

Miguel has finally wrapped off the debrief and sent the others to do what they please since today's mission is over. The other spideys wave their farewell to you as they pass, you reply while you walk closer to your boyfriend. Jesica passes you, a sly smirk on her lips, before she pats your shoulder. You give her a small smile before nodding, and she’s on her way.

Miguel’s back is turned, busy with his monitor, wrapping up the day. His head tilts a bit, as he notices you're walking toward him. You pull one of the stray chairs to Miguel's platform and as if instincts, he sat down just as you pushed it behind him. His eyes are still scanning the monitors but he turns slightly towards you as you lean on the consoles. 

“Good job out there Miguel,” You smile, glancing at the screens.

“You too, as always,” His lips quirks, one arm rests on the chair while the other swipes at the screen. “Though I have seen some things we can improve on the teams. I haven't debriefed you yet like the others, so listen to me okay?” 

You nodded, crossing your arms into a more relaxed tone. “Good, so according to team three we need to-” 

And that's the last thing you hear before you turn to look at Miguel, catching that sharp glint of those fangs. Around you, Miguel usually lets his guard down, his way of letting you know he trusts you. So he talks more, his hands punctuate what needs to be punctuated, and those lips move wider. In other circumstances, listening to him would be easy, but with each word he spoke, a peak of those sharp fangs caught your attention instead. Miguel continues to point out the images on the screens, occasionally asking you a question to which you responded with a ‘Uhuh’ or ‘Yeah’. That seemed to satisfy Miguel until—

“-And that's to add the upgrades on your suit, what do you think?” 

“Uhuh,” 

“What?” Miguel retracts, tearing his eye away from the screens. “I asked about your suit?”

A beat passes, before you blink, realizing your boyfriend was staring, and shaking yourself out of the daze. “Huh? What did you ask?”

Miguel sighs, crossing his arms. Sadly those muscles adds another point to the distraction. “Were you even listening to me?” 

He stiffens, watches as you stand in front of him, one arm on the chair's headrest, completely trapping him in. Slowly, your other hand moves up, and settles on his jaw. Throughout the months of dating you, Miguel has never seen this side of you, never seen how bold you could be. Steady hands cup his jaw, your thumb gliding across his lips, before you press slightly. As if a switch is flipped, Miguel inhales sharply and parts his lips, inclining his head when you hold his chin. Your thumb moves over his lower set of fangs, before suddenly followed by your other hand, pushing his mouth open to expose his upper, sharper fangs. His eyes flashes and brows furrows slightly, surprised at the sight of your rapt expression, eyes scanning him.

There's a hint of fondness behind those usually irritated gazes as he looks at you before he sighs and opens his mouth to continue his question before you were overcome with the sudden urge to see. You lean off of the console and approach your boyfriend. “Sorry, Miguel I just have to-”

“Fascinating…” You lean closer, taking pride in the way Miguels is stunned, practically crushing the armrest under his claws. Your index pushes at his upper jaw, letting you get an eyeful of that part of Miguel you’ve been dreaming about. It reflects the blue lights in the room, your eyes widen at it. Your thumb touches its start before gliding down to the pointed end, Miguel pants lightly. How would they feel against my skin?

Your eyes roam up to the prominent blush on Miguel's cheeks, the red in his irises shakes. Slowly, you bring him closer, one hand stays on his chin while the other moves behind his head. His eyes flutter as you press your lips against his, his gasp allows you to slide your tongue inside. Carefully, you trace that sharp fang, making Miguel grunt, his hand suddenly gripped your wrist, pulling apart.

“Don't- It’s dangerous,” He says between pants, the blush coloring his beautiful complexion. 

“Paralysis, right?” You smirk, fingers playing at his curled strands. Miguel shivers then swallows hard. “How about we unwind from today,”

A glint in your eyes, watching as Miguel becomes putty between your hands, his blown-out pupils staring at you in reverence. You smirk, breath ghosting against his lips when you bring him closer again.

“Show me what those fangs do, baby,” 

Reblogs appreciated! Requests are opened! <3

[maarigolds]

Since we all know how much of a shitshow umbrella academy s4 was, let's revisit the good old days. Here's my reaction to ep1 s1, which I haven't seen in like 5 years:

We're starting off strong with the sudden pregnancy scene: this is how you get the viewer's attention

Cunty shot of Reggie walking with the seven nannies and the seven baby carriers

Viktor playing the violin while all the other characters are introduced 10/10 stunning no notes

Rehab worker saying "We'll see you soon Klaus" and him immediatly overdosing and being reanimated in the ambulance. Now we know he probably just came back to life by himself!

"You got big, Luther! What's your secret, protein shakes?"

Pogo!!! I missed you, you ape butler!

Baby Viktor leaving sandwitches for Five 🥺🥺🥺

Klaus-Allison alliance going strong since the beginning I see

"Did you see Diego?" "Yeah, with that stupid outfit" "Do you think he wears that thing in the shower?" I love siblings being siblings

Ok I had forgotten about the Allison and Luther thing. Maybe it wasn't ALL great.

"Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?"

"Ok, sorry, I'm just gonna go murder mom, I'll be right back"

Klaus is seriously the best

Bank robbery flashback!!!

"Guns are for sissies! Real men throw knives!"

"That's one badass StApLeR" god I miss five's voice cracks so much

*Ben covered in blood* "Can we go home now?"

Back to the present with Klaus spilling Reggie's ashes lmao

I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW AKA BEST DANCE SCENE IN TV SHOW HISTORY

No seriously Diego absolutely killing it, Luther doing the hand-krabs, Klaus dancing with the urne

And then boom! Five is back! Honestly iconic entrance

Also Klaus trying to stop a temporal anomaly with a fire extinguisher whyyyy lmao

Five interrupting his speech about the future to look Klaus up and down and 100% seriously say "nice dress"

Klaus responding with "ah, danke"

"That makes no sense" "well, it would if you were smarter"

Also unrelated but Viktor being such a shy wallflower in s1... he's come such a long way!!!

Luther throwing reggie's ashes on the ground "probably would have been better with some wind"

Luther and Diego beating the crap out each other. Viktor: "stop it!" Klaus: "hit him!"

Also Klaus trying to protect Five and him having none of it, too cute

"An entire square block, 42 bedrooms, 19 bathrooms, and not one single drop of coffee" "dad hated caffeine" "well he hated children too, and he had plenty of us!"

"Alright, guess I'll see you guys in another ten years, when Pogo dies" Diego please 💀💀

"You know, every time I close my eyes I see a diarrheatic hyppo about to shit on my face" this was robert sheehan improvising and honestly what the fuck how does someone even come up with that

The Istanbul was constantinople fight was honestly art. This was really the moment I knew I would love this show with all of my heart. Also masterful way to show exactly who Five is in just a couple of minutes

BEN!!! I MISS OG BEN SO MUCH!!! He was baby

Five going to Viktor when he needed help. Honestly we should have gotten more of them being besties it was so good

"The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it" and that's how you end a first episode! I'm hooked! Except I'm not cause I know how it ends 🫠

Well this is it. This show was honestly so good in the beginning. I have no clue what happened. At least we'll always have season 1.

[m00nz-writes]

Ref Sheet for Edna + more info about DWW

*yes i know the proportions of the full body isn't great. please don't be upset with me, i finished this at like 1 AM lmao*

Here's some extra information about DWW (Dead Woman Walking):

The entire storyline takes place between 2007/2008, it also starts in a fake town called Maplewood Hollow in Oklahoma. And unlike most CRPs (not dissing btws) Edie's parents still love her because she's their baby girl and they don't know she's basically an assassin now.

She used to be a barista at a basic little coffee shop, and now she commits credit card fraud to have money! (no seriously. pulling the whole sam and dean winchester act bro) She also fucking hates The Rake, which is the first real CRP entity she meets.

Edna's story also closely intertwines with Marble Hornets because I'm cringe and unsupervised :D and the first person she meets is Tim, who she ends up liking because "omg someone's showing me respect and i don't know how to process this!!!!!" (she's traumatized, babes) and she also becomes BFFLs with Jane in chapter 5, when they meet during a killing of a very terrible man. They bond over their hatred for abusers and other terrible, TERRIBLE people.

Also Jeff is obsessed with Edna. Not in the creepy crush kind of way, absolutely not. Instead he's obsessed with her because he can't kill her and it fucking VEXES him. In his fucked up monke brain, being able to kill Edna would essentially be his biggest accomplishment? I mean, why are we trying to understand a textbook looney-bin?

Certain CRPs such as Ben DROWNED and Laughing Jack aren't put in for different reasons. Ben isn't involved because I feel like it wouldn't fit with the overarching story of DWW, I mean it's a story about a woman who's wronged and is going to kill her abuser. I don't think she'd have too much time to play video games... however, if I change my mind somewhere down the line, I'll def update that.

Meanwhile for Laughing Jack... well, I'm just not particularly a fan of snuffbomb. I won't go into any specifics as I'm sure anybody who's been in the CRP fandom for more than a decade would know at least a lil' bit what's he's done. I just don't feel comfortable having any of his creations involved with my work, so no LJ or Frankie the Undead, or anything like that. Sorry.

For other CRPs such as Sally, Ticci Toby, Clockwork, Bloody Painter, etc., they will also be added in. It's still too early in the process to really talk about that.

The first part of the story will sort of focus on Edna's journey as well as her interactions with the Marble Hornets guys, The Operator, Jane, Jeff, and even Liu. (also a lil bit of The Rake because they're kinda Edie's villain in the first part of the story. i love their characterization in this story.)

[wutheringheightsfilm]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @trans-yllz THANK YOU!!! i'll tag @neixins ehehe...

1). how many works do you have on ao3?

3!

2) what's your total ao3 word count?

131,244 and climbing baby

3) what are your top five fics by kudos?

i only have three but the order is odd geometry, that dream you could never get to, and lazarus

4) what fandoms do you write for?

currently, only cql/the untamed, but i have written for bbc merlin in the past and someday hope to again

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yes! i always try to respond to most comments i get. i love having conversations with people and showing my readers they're appreciated!!! this is to incentivize more comments. LOL

6) what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ermm probably that dream you could never get to just because it ends canonically 😭

7) what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

well... remains to be seen as odd geometry is unfinished

8) do you get hate on fics?

luckily not! everyone has been very nice to me so far

9) do you write smut?

well. i'm going to eventually (terrified)

10) do you write crossovers?

absolutely not and i hate them. sorry to yuck someone's yum but they're so not for me

11) have you ever had a fic stolen?

hopefully not and if i ever do i'm going to [redacted]

12) have you ever had a fic translated?

no! but i would be honored if someone wanted to

13) have you ever cowritten a fic before?

nothing published, just me and my friend ian having a laugh. i'm otherwise way too bossy to work with anyone else. me and my friend myan also write together, but we don't work on the exact same story at the same time. it's also not fanfic to ME lol. we just make contributions to the same universe

14) what's your all time favorite ship?

wangxian <3 it hasn't stopped consuming my brain since i was 18

15) what's the wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh so many. probably that lan xichen pov because detentionnotes did it better than i ever will

16) what are your writing strengths?

um... i've been told that i have a very good grasp on introspective/emotional scenes, as well as political dynamics! i also do a LOT of research... even if you don't notice it 9 times out of 10 there was a lot of background that has gone into something. i think i'm really good at getting into a character's head most of the time, and i know i'm good at pacing.

17) what are your writing weaknesses?

scene setting. my lieutenant can affirm that one. i'm sure there's also simple grammar mistakes i keep making as well LMAO. sometimes i really do lose grasp of what i've done previously as well---i have a bad memory, so sometimes that translates into me writing inconsistent character behaviors or mentioning things that don't make sense in context. luckily i have my beloved beta reader lieutenant to catch these mistakes for me!!!

18) thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

can be done well sometimes, but most times it's unnecessary. unless you're translating it in the footnotes for readers i don't know why you'd include it.

19) first fandom you wrote for?

ask me no questions and i'll tell you no lies.

20) favorite fic you've ever written?

ODD GEOMETRY!!!! i'm begging you to read it i'm putting so much time and effort into this damn fucking thing and it's genuinely very good. i don't want to toot my own horn but it's true.

thank you ben for tagging me!! ily <3

[darkconsumed]

as always, no one asked for my thoughts but i need to scream about the newest episode. so like last time! SPOILERS ( it's also long lmao ) under read-more so don't click it!

there was a lot to unpack with this episode and honestly, i loved every fucking second of it. especially when it was clear that the writers remembered that this was a HORROR show!!

the lottie/shauna/callie kitchen scene in the beginning was cute and adorable and like...lottie coming in looking all cute and shit like shauna please, how can you be mad at her!! also callie just genuinely seems to enjoy the company and getting to have a deeper look into her mom's past and that's been a clear thing she's been craving to have ever since season one. so hopefully she'll get to see more without getting hurt but that is doubtful...

KLEPTO LOTTIE LETS GOOOOOO!!! like please lol as amusing as it was, i feel like it's another reflection that these women are still the girls they were out in the wilderness and pre crash. and the fact someone on twt asked a good, funny, question of "i wonder if lottie ever spent/used her tj bucks" like hELLO, great question lmao

i'm sure we all called it, but van going into remission, I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT and like other tai pointed out, it started with nat's death, unfortunately, she was the beginning of feeding it again to help one of them out; shauna fed it adam and that's why business started to pick up at the furniture store for jeff, she didn't get caught, etc. so taivan possibly going on a "sacrifice spree" seems very likely and you know what, good for them.

another thing, the way van looked to tai when she noticed the change. how taissa went from being herself to other tai so easily and while awake! van very much knows the shift and who she's dealing with. that was clear as day when other tai was the one to kiss her in s02 and how she was ???? and ended it before it could go anywhere else. overall, i love the seeing taivan happy and together and i'm sorry simone but you never had taissa turner, she is forever van palmers wife, rip.

mari and ben are both idiots and share one brain cell and i'm so happy he released her cause if he had kept her down there, neither one of them were going to survive ( it's clear they're both gonna die later on but still lol ) like sharing one brain cell between them would have done them in sooner or the toxic gas would have

which brings me to my next point lol i know from seeing some reactions that everyone is kind of split with how to react to that sequence but i really enjoyed it and i am more and more buying into the theory that the team has been exposed to some heavy chemicals/gas while being out there and that that is what is causing the screams/the wind talking to them. because being in the cave showed that even being exposed for a short amount of time can be damaging and cause vivid hallucinations

sticking with the cave, it's important to note that they could have been exposed to a one of several gasses; carbon dioxide (CO2), hydrogen sulfide (H2S), carbon monoxide (CO), methane (CH4), and depending on the cave environment, ammonia and sulfur dioxide (SO2). and given the enclosed surroundings, it's no wonder van, akilah, and shauna passed out and had their dreams.

van's near death dream—cause that's what it was for all of them—makes me question whether van was the one who burned the cabin down or if she witnessed tai/other tai do it. either way, fire very much follows her and haunts her, as does those that have already died out there; cabin guy, laura lee, and jackie's arms were those that grabbed them

as for shauna's near death dream, it was heartbreaking. to see her smile like that for the first time since s01 was so so sad and knowing she was smiling cause she saw her baby boy? EVEN MORE SAD like please. she was so excited to be his mom and to have him after she got over the fear even though it would have always been there which would have been natural for her to feel. but i really loved the imagery of it all and how no matter how hard she swam or how far she did, she wouldn't be able to reach him because it's not her time yet

i know there's more to it, but seeing jackie after we see shauna kiss melissa had me gagged lmao like damn, you cheater! but in all seriousness, the fact that jackie has haunted her since day one and continues to do as such is just so so so juicy and shows how shauna will never and has never moved on from losing her best friend

now circling back to the last lottie/shauna/callie scene in the kitchen. everything was a-okay and shauna, though yea still worried about having lottie there, didn't seem to mind coming home to a cooked meal, hearing singing and seeing her daughter having fun. like that was okay! however, it was seeing the necklace around callie's neck that had everything coming to a screeching halt

a necklace that i had assumed someone had either saved when they got rescued or it got lost out in the wilderness. so i am surprised but i'm also not surprised that lottie is the one who had kept the necklace safe all this time because of course she had it! she believed the most out there that there was something guiding, protecting, and calling them to do all those things even if part of her believed that it was just them; calling back to s02 with how shauna said "it was us, it was just us" and lottie saying "what's the difference." and overall, as much as i love seeing more lottie/shauna, shauna was valid in her reaction to seeing the necklace

and especially lottie saying "it never meant what you thought it meant" because imo, shauna saw that necklace as simply being jackie. it was given to her on the plane before it went down to help keep her calm then it was on jackie when she died and from that moment on, it was used to mark those that it made draw the queen card and just overall it means death. jackie = death and so seeing it on callie, i feel that shauna, who has done everything to keep callie away from her past and vise versa, has now been marked for death in shauna's eyes

so i'm really looking forward to seeing what this means moving forward with callie and how much the "mother - daughter - apple tree" is going to come into play!!

[non-plutonian-druid]

✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

thanks for the tag @littlerit!!!

Words and fics

I posted a tua oneshot Grace Through The Doorway In Time

and thats it!

ok rit i know you did say i should adjust it for art, i just thought it would be funny to do that first.

✨ Art Making Review 2023 ✨

Posted Art oh god

I kicked off the year by drawing Five and Lila in silly outfit submissions [1] [2] [3]

Delores as a mermaid in a crumbling ruin

Lemony Snicket au - Ben tied up in a closet

Redraw of a S3 promo poster

Five and Lila in that bathtub phone call x files scene

Tarot series - Death

Paranatural au - [1] [2] [3] [4]

Celebratory aroace Barbie

Comic fanart for alephnaught's fic Theory of Quantum Superposition

Five definitely just murdered someone with a chainsaw

Tarot Series bonus - Ten of Swords

Tarot Series - Judgement

Five and Lila run into each other for 0.2 seconds at the Commission water cooler

Baby Azula Mai and Ty Lee as centaurs

TUA centaur au - [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]

Girl being abducted by a kelpie WIP

The Ben dying drawing that tumblr ate for some reason

Lemony Snicket au - the comic

OTGW au - Fei and Sloane

trick or treat WIPS: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [12] [13]

Voltron Gravity Falls au comic

OTGW au - Diego and Ben hide from Five

Paranatural au round 2 - [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

Top Art By Notes

(probably the closest parallel to kudos is likes, but trying to figure that out feels hard)

s3 promo poster redraw - 840 notes

Death tarot card - 319 notes

bathtub x files scene - 273 notes

the first paranatural au post - 242 notes

Theory of Quantum Superposition fanart comic - 239 notes

Fandom Events 2023

@tua-masked-author !!!

Upcoming 2024

i joined the murderbot diaries new years gift exchange! so ill be making a gift for that!

i have an installment of the lemony snicket au that i think i finished like two years ago and never posted. i should proooobably post it

also, i did just finish a different installment of the lemony snicket au that yall can look forward to!

im either done or almost done with another short paranatural au comic

i will try to finish the tarot series. or failing that. ill try to at least make additions to it

im working on a post with regular canon five (doing this made me realize its been a MINUTE since i posted art of regular canon five. ive abandoned my boy) playing with mr pennycrumb

i have Another finished thing but im waiting for something else to be posted first. i dont actually have to, i just want to outsource having to write context

Rules and tags below the cut!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass, just keep on scrolling.

i dont know how many people I'm supposed to tag but! @destinyandcoins @darbydoo22 @ford-ye-fiji @grammarpedant @blessphemy trying to mind palace all the people i know on discord, who write fic, what their ao3 username is to triple check they posted this year, and what their tumblr url is... (and also if any of you dont like these kinds of games, sorry, thats my bad!!)

lmao also i fucked up all the formatting for you guys, this is what these are supposed to look like

[mountainhaunt]

top 10 bands/artists let's goooo. i was tagged by @findusinaweek (bless you) so here's a loosely ordered list.

1) Hoppipolla. i could, can and have written literally a 2k+ word review on Hoppipolla's second album that turned more into a love poem from me than anything. y'all really don't want me doing this here.

B U T suffice it to say this timy little korean indie melancholia quartet has touched my soul in ways nothing else has. a few of their songs mean more to me than most things in this world do.

also!! world renowned cellist!!! hong jinho!! in the group!! seriously gorgeous, poignant magic these four create together.

the best/worst part is they dropped into the world, released two 10/10 heart stopping albums and then vanished again as if it were nothing.

2) Radiohead. i heard 'in rainbows' for the first time when i was 15 and it's what started me down the road of truly loving music and not just listening to it. radiohead is my baby and were my number one until hoppipolla came along a few years ago. ive been lucky enough to see them twice in concert and both experiences changed my dna i swear.

3) the Mountain Goats. the goats are like placebo in that i couldn't listen to them for a long time because of His Voice and i know that's like a trope at this point.

that was back in high school. now, john darnielle is hands down my favorite songwriter of all time and i unironically love his voice. no one writes lyrics and tells a story like he can and i constantly find myself turning to their music.

4) The Postal Service. death cab for cutie? eh, not bad, but can take or leave. ben gibbard + dntel? masterpiece.

their one and only album, give up, is my number one favorite album of all time and as much as i love it/them, i am SO glad they didn't release another. nothing could compare. anything that tried would only cheapen the debut album.

5) Hozier. i want to lay in the moss and cry and fall in love with a sweet lil cottagecore girl and i get to do that every time i listen to a hozier song

6) My Chemical Romance. my first loves. i was OBSESSED as a teen when they debuted and will still defend their honor today. although suddenly they've become really popular and not something for middle school bullies to pick on me for, so... defense unnecessary.

7) Margot & the Nuclear So and So's. they are so dreary and melancholy and nostalgic and gorgeous. i came across them by accident in high school because i was obsessed with the name margot, saw their name somewhere and immediately went home to totally not pirate them and see what they were about. "my baby (shoots her mouth off)" is one of the songs i send people when i talk about having bipolar, lol. the other being "lovecraft in brooklyn" by the goats.

they just evoke a special kind of feeling that is hard to replicate, and it transports me somewhere when i listen.

8) Erasure. i didn't know they even existed until i moved in with my partner and now i feel like every older queer ive ever met over the course of my life who didn't introduce me to them failed me, honestly

9) Modest Mouse. 'the moon and antarctica' came into my life around the same time 'in rainbows' did and also furthered my realization that music was to be experienced and not just heard. i never get tired of them (except strangers to ourselves. i listened to that album 3/4 of the way through one time and never touched it again sorry)

10) Rammstein. i love the drama!! i love the ferocity!! i love the taboo!! and they are also the reason i studied german so they deserve a spot here.

i'm still getting this account off the ground and haven't really chatted with many of you so im afraid to tag anyone lmao but obviously feel free to do this if you see it

[grapesodatozier]

"hey boss sorry I’m late I was zoned out in the shower thinking about what dnd 5e class each of the losers would be" -me this morning

lol anyway here’s what I came up with!! would love to hear others’ thoughts on this!! my personal character interpretations are very book heavy with cherry-picked movie influences and a respectable scoop of fanon interpretations I like lol so I think there’s a lot of options here and I think it would be so fun to hear other people’s interpretations of this!!

bill: oath of vengeance paladin whose god is maturin. his favorite spell is compelled duel. no further elaboration needed.

mike: farm boy mike made me consider druid or ranger, but I think his motivations are very strong around maintaining derry’s history, and he’s incredibly dedicated to that, so I think knowledge domain cleric makes most sense to me (his god is also maturin, bike maturin acolyte boyfriends so real <3 )

ben: book ben is soooo fighter. that man threw back an insane amount of alcohol, went back to derry no question, stomped on some alien eggs, and took decades to confess to a cute, corny little 3 line love poem, then respectfully swept his childhood love off her feet. that’s just so fighter to me. like there is nothing more Fighter than starting your story alone in a tavern venting vaguely about your past heroic exploits to the bartender. fighter for sure with some significant levels in artificer for his architecture career

stan: wizardddddd he literally escapes pennywise with the powers of his bird watching guidebook!!!! literally got magic powers from a book in canon!!!!! also he's very happy being an accountant and i feel like math and desk jobs feel very wizard to me lol. also it would be so interesting to explore his feelings about being able to shape reality when he's so attached to maintaining reality. but. he literally changed reality with his book like!!!! so much to think about here.

bev: i kinda want bev to be a rogue, but i think that's just what she initially tries to be. she wants to fly under the radar so bad but she never can. honestly i think she's a barbarian!! it's what she deserves!!! 2017 babygirl kills her dad by bashing him over the head with a toilet cover!!! that's some barbarian shit she has so much anger and rage that she deserves to let out!!!!! also her premonitions about It coming back? danger sense. decades in advance danger sense lmao

eddie: listen. i considered rogue. killing your childhood bully with a broken perrier bottle is some rogue shit. i also considered monk, bc our boy loves to go fast!! but i think the most fitting class for him is ranger. his "super power" is always knowing where to go and where he is. he uses it in the sewers, he uses it to drive around new york city better than anyone else. knowing your terrain that effortlessly is some ranger shit. also he's happiest just chilling on a grassy hill or hanging out in the barrens!! nature baby boy!! also rangers can be a dex class so it still works for him wanting to run and run and run

richie: okay i spent way too much time thinking about richie's bc he's my favorite <3 lol so this is gonna be long. listen we all have biases okay. anyways he's obviously a bard like hello he can change his voice and convince people he's someone else. basically literally casts silvery barbs in book canon. constantly performing. described as having "exhausting charm." support class 100%, while everyone leans on bill he's the one bill leans on. favorite spell is disguise self bc he wants so badly to be someone else. but i don't think he's just a bard. i think he pretends to be just a bard, but such a big part of richie's character is being afraid of things inside himself that he'd like to ignore but can't control. It shows him a werewolf with his name on it which yeah I'm very pro bisexual interpretation of that but more generally is just about feeling like he's got smth uncontrollable and scary that he doesn't understand within him. all of which screams wild magic sorcerer!! so i think he's a wild magic sorcerer who learns bard stuff so he can pretend he's only a bard bc he's scared of his natural magic

okay ty for reading please feel free to share your thoughts if you have them <3

[grapecaseschoices]

tell us more about kendis pls. 👀👀👀

i need to know more about ur ocs bcs they're so interesting. you always develop them so well. 👁️👁️

I don't even know what to say? qwere roflmao. What do you want to know, anon? (THOUGH, thanks so much for the compliment :-D)

I've been writing Kendis since 2019. At least a version of her. The first concept of Kendis, the og of most ogs was never written, but she was a free-wheelin', hot mess. This was back in 2018. I THINK. I ended up tweaking her and creating Kendis Crawford-Gagne. The proto-Kendis. She was a bit sweeter, a lot more femme, more of the drunk girl you meet in the bathroom. A touch less chaotic. But very much selfish, stubborn, into science, and willing to go all out for a loved one.

This Kendis' mom died when she was young, she was raised by her older (half) brother -- and somewhat by her dad who loved her but was still grieving.

That Kendis was 18. KCL - Kendis Crawford-Louel - came about because I wanted an older Kendis. This Kendis was more queer -- I felt more comfortable in exploring her as a demi-girl (not right away, but eventually. Had to go through the crisis of 'can I as a cis person do this?'). I changed a lot of her backstory too so I think that changed a lot of how they presented themselves. And I think also that KCG was human and KCL was not also really changed their outlook in life, and thus behavior.

This all sounds very boring and tl;dr. LMAO. I'm sorry anon, I don't have anything intriguing to share. Hrm, I guess I could say:

og KCL is the youngest of four -- there is their half-brother Ben and two sisters from Ben's dad, that they consider their own sisters. And I tend to carry Ben over in their canons if they don't have siblings as a cousin or someone who used to baby sit her. Kendis changes a lot of they don't have youngest child syndrome lmao.

Kendis is almost always a creature. The only acception is TWC Kendis, but they have the speshul blud~~. og KCL is a three-beast (a creature of my making). kotsam Kendis is a draka. Exile Kendis is a mythosi (wolf). twc au Kendis is a werewolf.

And sometimes they're a creechur with elemental powers bc I'm extra like that

Kendis is usually demi-romantic bisexual. KCG was demi-sexual, bi-romantic. Kendis will always be on the ace spectrum and bi.

KCG and KCL were sickly as kids. KCG lost her mom. KCL lost their first (and only) love. It was ... a mess. LMAO. Austyn Blanchard. I still keep Austyn in most Kendis' backstories. Austyn is replaced by Syfyn in the Exile.

Kendis loves fashion. Money. Independence. Their people. Nature. Animals. Kids. They love trying new activies and hobbies, I usually go with hiking and pottery for them. I'm not sure why on the pottery.

Kendis (most of them) abhors violence against living beings (which ofc is a thing I've explored with them, because terrible) but isn't against fucking up privite and public property.

I've written Kendis as a parent before and I love. Of course, they were a single parent. Kendis and romance is --- roflmao. (I don't usually do romance with my characters. But Kendis. lmao. Ahhh, Kendis.)

Kendis isn't touch averse (they've had sex) but Kendis is very big about being the one to initiate touch and having people check in with them always before touching them. Touch can make them feel clausterphobic at times -- or not exactly touch but people pressing into their boundaries/personal space. I once took a love language quiz and they scored 0% for touch. Even Andy didn't score that low. LMAO.

Kendis is probs one of my characters with the most sympathy, but they're also probs one of my most frustrated. And selfish. It leads to fun times.

This was actually fun, so thanks <3

[sophsun1]

In my mind it always changes. But right now, the thing that would start the show and bring Brian and Linds and Justin (because duh) together would be Gus having a baby (i think it would be funny with Brians distaste towards straight people that his own son became a “boring breeder”) and maybe someone would get married or Michael and Ben would renew their vows or something like that. Britin would maybe get married it in the end because they’d be going ‘hmmm maybe now is the time’ during the wedding festivities. Also it would be weirdly Brian who would hint at it not Justin..gotta turn the tables a little bit. Gus would for sure help with the proposal planning. And Emmett would get his happy ending, he’d finally meet a guy that was worth his time. Also I feel like Britin would already be together. Like I keep going back and forth between them running into each other in some way, for example: Maybe Brian finally opens NY office and Justin gets hired for something and they reunite that way. Or the one I’m currently a fan of: the movie/show would open up to Brian walking into a room, talking on the phone with Gus/Mikey and hanging up and going ‘he’s having a baby/they’re renewing their vows’ and it pans to Justin laying in the bed. I wish they would do this. I feel like the cast would for sure be down for it IF the stories would be good. I’m sorry this is all over the place but my brain is a mess

Hey anon!

Please this is way more coherent than I could ever be at the moment. You're talking to a literal dissociative basket case who doesn't know whether she's coming or going (no pun intended) so do not fret, you're fine!

Brian Kinney the gayest gay to ever gay having a straight™️ kid *cackles* the universe so would.

Yeah I would definitely lean towards a baby/wedding or both reuniting them all setting off the chain of events, the next generation of their family being born on the show a parallel to Gus' birth in the pilot. Maybe we could finally get that britin wedding god knows by this time they will have waited long enough!

My dear sweet, Emmett I demand he get his happy ever after and also he would officiate Britin's wedding obviously.

Britin would absolutely be together and living in NY, I don't have any time for will they/won't they's or reunions, we suffered enough of that in the show. These two are joined for eternity and will be the death of each other, arguing till their last breath as only they could.

I love your idea for the opening shot with Brian on the phone then panning to Justin, it would be perfect. The cast are like a real big family and I'm sure would be up for it and even if they weren't we would bully them (affectionately) into it should any be apprehensive. They themselves know the characters didn't all get the best ending and love the fans and I'm hopeful would want to do it willing the stories were right.

Because not all reboots (I hate that word) or continuations of iconic shows after a long period of time are successful so I personally would only want it if it was gonna be a tribute to the shows memory and to build on that. Telling worthwhile stories knowing it's not gonna be the guys at 50 heading to Babylon but a different chapter of their lives with a fun element to it, they're old not dead lmao. I would just hate it to be a disaster and the final memory of the show post S5!

[edgepunk]

does it count as enabling if i pop in your inbox and directly ask you to rant about ir*ndad

thank you nonny for taking the bullet cause this is gonna be long 🫡

I've ranted about ir*ndad a few times, but I simply despise it. Going through the Peter Parker tag on ao3 is a goddamn minefield even after I filter out any MCU related tags. I accidentally stumbled upon really shite ir*ndad fics bc they weren't properly tagged and I was exposed to the horrors against my will. However, there are a few ir*ndad fics I actually enjoyed, because the writers actually understood the characters and took a lot of pointers from the comics. But there are very few of them unfortunately, you'd have to dig deep to find them.

Anyway, let me make a list of things that bother me about ir*ndad:

Peter's characterization - now, y'all know I'm not a big fan of MCU Peter, but I know damn well he is not a toddler trapped in a teenager's (now adult) body. Peter is very reckless, chaotic and wants to do most things on his own. He isn't yelling "Mr. Stark help!!!" every two seconds. He can and wants to handle things on his own, he is a teen in HOCO and FFH, after all. Teenagers want to prove their worth without any help, so does Peter.

He is not a useless bland uwu softboy that conveniently forgets he has superpowers lmao. Peter is sassy and can be rude. If your Peter Parker can't be a cunt, then that's not Peter Parker. ir*ndad fans turn him into a toddler. There's no way around it, he's a toddler that can't do anything without their pwecious Tony who's the best, biggest hero and who handles everything for Peter, because Peter is a baby who can't do anything on his own. It's not like he can easily lift cars and is very intelligent. No, he's a useless poor baby who can do no wrong. /s

I have to shorten this, so here's a speedrun of things about ir*ndad that I despise:

The writers claim to love Peter, but most of those whump stories where Peter gets tortured and traumatized are about Tony. It's only about Tony's feelings, Peter is there for torture porn and to cause Tony's manpain.

The assassination of May's character - the misogyny is really showing with this one, they turn her into an abuser and neglectful parental figure in almost every fic (tbf she was done dirty by the MCU, not gonna lie)

Racism - shows usually the way they handle Flash Thompson. It's bad. It's very bad.

Their racism is showing with how they treat and (mis)characterize Ned and MJ. Nooo they're not Peter's friends, they're mean and they're gonna abandon him bc he's a superhero. /s

They turn Tony into a creepy, full on stalker??? They think it's cute and wholesome that he gave Peter (reiterating that he's a teen in the MCU) a phone and laptop that's hooked up with trackers, so he can know where he is at all times? Ew? (ig he did that with his Spider-Man suit in HOCO. still creepy.)

As much as they try to deny it, their fics come off as ship fics between Peter and Tony. Why on Earth would a 16/17 year old cuddle with a grown-ass man??? Peter didn't do that with Ben as a preteen/teen, why would he do that with Tony lol ??? It's not just cuddling Tony is giving him kisses jeakejksjhajkhsjhdnd

Cont. of the previous point, there is nothing wrong with Peter x Tony, as long as it's not the MCU version/Peter is a minor. If it's the comics or video game version, then fine, go for it. Peter's been an adult for decades, but just,,, write that instead of trying to chalk this up as a "wholesome father/son relationship".

ummm that's all. thank you for enabling me nonny and sorry for the long rant I Simply Have Thoughts

[zepskies]

All righty, here we go, diving into more of the angsty love triangle!! *rubs hands together* 😈

However, it wasn't enough to block out the sounds that were coming from your bedroom or the subtle knocking of your headboard against the metal wall between his and your room that grew louder and louder every passing minute.

Oooh my God, poor Dean. 🫣 This is literally torture for him! lol

When you'd agreed to move to the bunker Dean had insisted you live in the bedroom next to his. It meant that if there was a problem in the middle of the night, Dean would be the first to hear you scream and the first to protect you.

I had a feeling this was why he insisted on her living in the room next to his, our big protective man, but now it's coming back to bite him in the ass. 💀

He remembered how soft you felt under him, how you clung to his body as if he was the only thing grounding you to earth, how natural it felt to be there protecting you, how you sighed when he pushed your hair back from your face, and how all the soft parts of you seemed to fit perfectly against all of the hardened muscles of him.

He'd lost so many things in his life and he knew that he couldn't lose you, not without losing a piece of himself.

Sobbbiiiiiingggg -- oh Dean. 😭😭

It made Dean feel like someone had ripped at his insides with a pickaxe seeing you hurt and listening to the whimper of pain that passed through your lips. He knew that he went too far when you broke his nose, but damnit, Dean just wanted you to be safe! And you never listened to what he told you because you were just so damn stubborn and always got on Dean's last nerve.

God Dean! You can only bury your emotions under assholery and anger for so long. He can hate the fact that she's a hunter and want more for her, but he has to accept that it's her choice, and he can support her and be honest with her rather than succumbing to his assholery. 🥲🥲

But of course, his "I'm not worthy" mentality crops up as well. 🙃 Makes you want to throttle him (if in more than one way lmao)!!

The thought that he was suffering so much while trying to find her when she was in another world is also heartbreakingly on-brand for him. He'd so be tearing through every piece of lore and resource to try and get her back. 😭

"That better be a way for use to get rid of the walking Trojan ad." Dean huffs, throwing himself into the chair across from his brother. Please let them be using protection. The last thing I want is to be stuck here to raise super baby. I had enough problems with Jack.

💀💀💀 Come on now, Dean, don't be petty. 🤣

"Just listen to me for a minute." Sam points at him with the pen. "She might be stubborn and sarcastic on the outside, but she's not callous or emotionless. She hides what she's feeling deep down, just like you do. And I think that she likes Ben because he doesn't hurt her and he makes her feel wanted." But I do want her.

TELL HIM, SAM. SHAKE HIM UNTIL HIS GREEN EYES ROLL INTO HIS HEAD -- make him see how he's acting!! lol

Your eyes trace the way his dark hair has fallen into his face and over the pillow, and you reach up to push some of the strands back from his face. But with it comes the ghost of how you wanted to do the same thing to Dean earlier, that your fingertips had itched to feel his brownish golden hair in your hands.

Gahhh pain. so very pain, even though it hurts so good. 😭😭😭

Dean kissed like he wanted you to understand and that he wished to understand himself. Dean's kiss was passionate, filled with enough emotion that it left you breathless. Ben was never afraid to take what he wanted but Dean, he was almost asking, trying to let you understand, and trying to listen to what you wanted.

"I-" He swallows. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how much I hurt you. All I wanted was for you to be safe and to talk to me the way you talk to Sam." His voice is quiet, just a soft rumble, but you can hear a tremor on the edge of his words. "I didn't mean to make you hate me."

Omggg finally!! Finally Dean's being honest about how he feels without being a dick about it. 😪

But he didn't, he never did.  And in the kiss is something else, years of emotions the two of you pushed down, years of being frenemies of almost losing each other, years of ignoring what was developing between the two of you, and years of watching the other fall for the wrong person.

Ughhh such soul-rendering description, and the spice here is oh so delicious. ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

But I have to point out that the reading is having a DAY loll. Two beefcakes in one night?? 😏

(Also, I'm afraid of how Ben is gonna take this. 😬)

"Don't do me any favors sweetheart, we had fun." Ben shrugs. "That's all this was."

Oh sure, pretend she meant nothing to you to spare your deep-down man feelings. 🙄

"Stupid, fucking piece of shit!" Ben growled at the computer monitor in front of him that had a bright red ERROR message splayed across it.

LMAOO Ben vs. Technology -- I think we all know who's winning. 🤣

And Ben secretly liking therapy just so he just has someone to vent to for an hour? Be still my heart, honestly. 😭

The version of you Ben knew from Dean's universe flashed through Ben's mind again. She was more confident and outgoing, but you looked a little shy, hiding back in the cardigan and using the iPad in your hands as a welcome distraction to looking Ben in the eyes and like a shield. He thought it was cute.

OMGGGGG I'M WEEAAAAK -- and he's already clocking IT girl's cuteness, I'm dead. 😂💞 The way he's already starting to like her better? I see what you did there. 😉

"To the ends of the Earth doll." Ben winks and watches the flush of your cheeks deepen to a crimson and hears the way your heart buckles and jumps when he does.

ahaha you charmer, you. 😂 A swoon-worthy line, even if we do know how sleazy this man can be lol. She really has no idea what she's getting into with this guy, but I love to imagine that with this nicely wrapped up ending! 💕💕

Part 3: Why Is It A Big Deal?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Dean Winchester xf!reader

POV: Dean POV, Reader POV, Soldier Boy/Ben POV

Summary: Dean's in for a rude awakening when he finds out exactly what you did when you got stranded in another universe.

Tropes: Fluff, Frenemies (Dean and the Reader), Enemies to Lovers, Awkward Situation, Multiverse Problems, ANGST, Crossover

Word Count: 12.4K (I PROMISE I DIDN'T MEAN TO)

Listen While You Read: Treat You Better By Shawn Mendes

Warnings: I'm gonna label this 18+ just to be sure. There is some swearing, Making Out, Sexual Innuendo, References to Sex, Jealousy, A little homophobia (it’s Soldier Boy), Feelings, Angst, Self Deprecating Thoughts? References to Past Sex (it happens quite a bit). Soldier Boy Being Soldier Boy (Everyone knows he’s a warning). Dean Winchester Being Dean Winchester.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is no use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person

A/N: It's finally here! I have loved the return to this universe more than words can describe. Each of the POV's are crazy in their own way. And again, don't forget to read the fic "Stranded" by @justagirlinafandomworld that inspired me to write this series in the first place! ENJOY!

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Dean POV

Dean leaned back on his bed at the bunker and jammed the pillow further down around his ears over his headphones. He was listening to a mixtape that he had burned forever ago, chosen because it had the loudest drum solos blaring through his Walkman. However, it wasn't enough to block out the sounds that were coming from your bedroom or the subtle knocking of your headboard against the metal wall between his and your room that grew louder and louder every passing minute.

Dean had tried his best to get Sam on his side when he proposed the idea that Ben didn't have to come back to the bunker and instead should be sent be sent back to wherever the hell he came from right then and there, but Cas was still out doing whatever it was he was doing, which meant that Ben was going to stick around for a little longer.

And it meant that Ben was finally getting his wish… you.

Dean's teeth gritted together when he heard another moan over the sound of the cymbals and felt a white hot spike of something in the pit of his stomach burn through his body.

When you'd agreed to move to the bunker Dean had insisted you live in the bedroom next to his. It meant that if there was a problem in the middle of the night, Dean would be the first to hear you scream and the first to protect you. But other than the time you stubbed your toe and Dean kicked down the door when he heard you yell with his gun drawn, there hadn't been an emergent situation that required his help.

Right now he was regretting the decision to have you live next door wholeheartedly, because it meant that he was having a front row seat to everything Ben and you were doing in your bedroom.

Dean sighed, his eyes squeezed shut, as he tried not to imagine what was happening, but he kept having flashes skate across his mind. He didn't want to see what it looked like or sounded like to have Ben's name tumbling from your lips, all Dean wanted was to hear you say his name like that and to be the one making you fall apart beneath him.

Not some asshole from another universe.

The image of you laying under him back at the school came back to him in a wave, pushing away the revulsion momentarily. He remembered how soft you felt under him, how you clung to his body as if he was the only thing grounding you to earth, how natural it felt to be there protecting you, how you sighed when he pushed your hair back from your face, and how all the soft parts of you seemed to fit perfectly against all of the hardened muscles of him.

He hadn't even made love to you and you laying there on top of you felt more intimate than any experience he'd had in his life. Dean wanted to exist in that moment with you a little longer, to savor those last few seconds of you staring up at him as if he was the only person in the world.

The memory of Ben kissing you after followed. Dean remembered the way Ben's lips roughly took from you and the way he held on to your face and it snapped Dean out of it. It hurt him more that you let Ben kiss you after Dean had been the one to save you.

Fuck.

His teeth gritted hard together so tight that he heard them grind. He hated watching you with Ben, hated watching Ben do the one thing that Dean had wanted to do for years. And Dean also hated the way that Ben treated you, as if you were something to be possessed and showed off, as if you weren't smart or anything more than just beautiful.

Dean had known from the first moment he saw you in Ellen's bar years ago that you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen in his entire life. You were funny, kind, sarcastic, and had a hard edge that you'd developed after years of being a hunter, but there was something else, a softer side of you that you didn't let everyone see, something hidden beneath it all that you only allowed yourself to have whenever Sam was around, but never with Dean.

It made him hate his brother a little bit, seeing how effortlessly the two of you had developed a friendship, while Dean had to practically Heimlich you to talk to him.

Dean wanted to see that side of you so badly. He wanted you to smile at him the soft way you smiled at Sam, and wanted you to laugh at his jokes or tease him playfully about his hair or about what he was wearing that day the way he'd seen you with his brother.

He tried to find reasons to be in the same room as you, drifting to sit nearby while you read or watched a movie. You always seemed different then. Your body was relaxed, open, with just a hint of a smile curving on the edge of your lips that made Dean want to stare at you for the rest of his life.

He tried to make you laugh whenever he could and tried his best to impress you, but each time he did you'd only roll your eyes and make a sarcastic comment. You didn't like him, Dean knew that, but he wished you did.

Sure he was maybe a little harsh on you sometimes, but Dean didn't want anything to happen to you, he was trying to protect you, because he knew the moment he stopped caring so much would be the moment he lost you.

He'd lost so many things in his life and he knew that he couldn't lose you, not without losing a piece of himself.

He hadn't felt like this about anyone else ever, and he didn't know what to do with his feelings. Bottling them up only seemed to hurt him more, but whenever something happened on a hunt or you tried to split away from him and Sam, he panicked and said things that he shouldn't instead of the three little words that he'd been wanting to say to you for years.

That's what happened a few weeks ago on a hunt, when you went into a house alone and faced a poltergeist that threw you across the room and into a glass cabinet. Dean had stood there yelling at you trying to tell you how stupid it had been for you to go in alone, while biting back what he really wanted to say- that he couldn't lose you. He couldn't lose you because looking at you was like watching the fireflies along a misty road at dusk, each one lighting a path in the darkness that showed him the way.

Yes he was angry, but all Dean saw was the bloody ripped sleeve of your shirt, and the way your face had contorted in pain when Sam picked you up and helped you back to the car. It made Dean feel like someone had ripped at his insides with a pickaxe seeing you hurt and listening to the whimper of pain that passed through your lips. He knew that he went too far when you broke his nose, but damnit, Dean just wanted you to be safe! And you never listened to what he told you because you were just so damn stubborn and always got on Dean's last nerve.

The truth was he hated that this was your life, hated that you were a hunter and each day you put yourself in danger, because he believed you deserved more. You deserved a normal life with someone who loved you, maybe a few kids, a dog, and a life far from the world that Dean and you knew so well.

Of course the thought of you with anyone else made Dean want to put his fist through a wall. The problem was even though Dean wanted you, he believed that you deserved better than him. You deserved the white picket fence and suburbia, not a darkened bunker underground with a man who wasn't sure he still had anything good left.

It was the reason why he didn't want to tell you how he felt, that, and Dean believed you absolutely hated him and hated being around him in the first place. It's why he buried it beneath the surface for so long.

However, when he was looking at you Dean often forgot the things that happened to him. You made him want to keep getting back up to fight if not for anyone else, for you.

But then Ben had shown up.

When you'd gotten dragged to another universe, Dean had tried everything in his power to get you back. He'd screamed and prayed for Cas so loud and so many times he went hoarse, he'd looked through almost every book he knew of to find the spell to bring you back to no avail, tried several rituals that promised results but gave him nothing, looked at his computer screen for so long that it made him cross-eyed, and drank coffee so strong it made his heart race.

But all Dean knew was that you were somewhere else alone, where he couldn't get to you or protect you, and it made him sick. He hated the thought of you alone trying to fight your way to survival in a place like the Endverse. When Cas finally came five days later and helped Dean bring you back, Dean had been so happy to see you that he'd almost hugged you, but instead he'd made an off-brand joke and you'd run into Sam's arms for a hug that made his chest tight.

Dean thought that he was having a nightmare when he saw Ben, a man who looked so much like himself, stride into the motel room confidently and kiss you. Dean was waiting for you to push him away, to tell him to fuck off, but you didn't, you liked it. And judging by the sounds Dean was hearing through the wall he could see that you wanted Ben.

All it did was piss Dean off that another version of himself got to have you and he didn't. Not when he'd known you longer and you'd only known Ben for five days.

Five fucking days. She's known that asshole for five days and she likes him. She's known you for years and she can't even stand to be in the same room with you.

The thought made Dean's heart clench in his chest. He didn't understand what Ben had that he didn’t have, he was him after all as Dean kept saying over and over to you. But Dean knew that deep down the real thing he was telling you over and over was not that Ben was him, but rather was asking the question: "why not me?"

Does she really hate me that much that she can't stand the thought of being with me? That she can stand to be with someone who looks exactly like me, but can't stay in a room with me for more than ten seconds?

Dean gets out of bed, stomps out the door, and down the hallway towards the library to try and escape the sounds coming from your room. They vibrate down the hall after him, like a flock of seagulls, mocking him all the way and doing little to ease the anger and jealousy swirling beneath his skin.

Sam is sitting in a chair with a large volume in front of him and a piece of notebook paper scribbling furiously when Dean enters the library, but he doesn't appear surprised to see his brother.

"That better be a way for use to get rid of the walking Trojan ad." Dean huffs, throwing himself into the chair across from his brother.

Please let them be using protection. The last thing I want is to be stuck here to raise super baby. I had enough problems with Jack.

Sam gives him a sympathetic look, and pushes his long hair back behind his ears. "Sorry. I'm researching a case in Kentucky, but Cas said that he'd be back in a few hours-"

"He said that ages ago! I want that asshole gone now." Dean's hand tightens on the arm of the chair, so tight that his knuckles are white.  He was happy that the library seemed to be far enough away from your room to escape the noise, but he knew it was happening, which didn’t help at all. "I don’t understand what she sees in that dick."

Sam hesitates for a moment, tapping his pen against the notebook paper.

"Just spit it out Sammy." Dean sighs.

"He might be an asshole to you, but not to her." He replies simply.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Well you're kinda…" Sam shrugs and leans back into his chair trying to find the words.

"I'm kinda what?"

"You’re kinda a dick to her." He finishes. "She's getting fed up with it. The other day she told me that she's been thinking about moving out and going back on her own. I've been trying to talk her out of it-"

Dean's blood ran cold. He hated the thought of you leaving again, it meant that he wouldn't know where you were or if you were alive and he wouldn't be able to make sure you were prepared for a hunt or at least be there to have your back if something went wrong- because let's face it, something always went wrong. "What? What the hell are you taking about?! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because she hasn't made up her mind."

"But why?"

"Because ever since the first time we’ve been going on hunts with her, you’ve been rude and-"

Dean interrupts his brother with a shout. "What? Do you expect me to hold her fucking hand? We’ve seen experienced hunters get killed out there with one simple mistake! And she’s just some amateur-"

"Dean, she's not an amateur." Sam sighs as if he can't understand why Dean was being so difficult.

He was. Sam was used to it whenever the subject of you came up in front of Dean, but honestly his brother's stubborn attitude when it came to you was annoying him.

"She is!" Dean snaps back wishing that he had a beer.

"No, she’s not." Sam shakes his head. "She’s been doing this just as long as we have. You know who her mom was and you know that her mom was just as hard on her as our dad was on you-"

At the mention of their father, Dean can feel his jaw tighten, memories flashing across his mind that he wanted to forget. The cold feeling of disapproval begins to creep up his spine to his shoulders, but Dean shakes it off. "That doesn’t matter."

"I think it does."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, Dean you keep saying that he’s you, but I'm starting to think that she's you."

"You need to stop using all those hair products Sammy, they're messing with your head-" Dean scoffs.

"Just listen to me for a minute." Sam points at him with the pen. "She might be stubborn and sarcastic on the outside, but she's not callous or emotionless. She hides what she's feeling deep down, just like you do. And I think that she likes Ben because he doesn't hurt her and he makes her feel wanted."

But I do want her.

The thought rises before Dean could stop it and he wonders if you'd spent all these years thinking that he didn't want you around when it was all he thought about. Every decision he made was to try and protect you, to put you first, and the thought that you didn't see that hurt him.

"I'd never hurt her-" Dean's voice comes out a little softer and more broken than he meant it to, catching slightly on the words.

Sam shakes his head. "Not physically. But the two of you have been doing this for years and I think that she's sick of you treating her the way you do and then she met Ben. She met another version of you who appreciates her. I know that you’re a little jealous-"

"I am not jealous!" Dean says on instinct, but Sam knows the truth, he's always known the truth, and Dean knows it too.

Sam rolls his eyes at his brother. "You should talk to her. Take Ben out of it and talk to her the way you talk to other people."

"I talk to her like I talk to other people." Dean grumbles as he gets up out of his chair intent on going to the kitchen to get a beer or something stronger to take the edge off.

"No you don't. So go talk to her." Sam waves a hand in Dean's direction before his gaze drops back down to the book.

"She's kinda preoccupied." Dean mutters under his breath and the image of you and Ben tangled up in your bed makes him flinch.

Sam looks up at his brother again, sympathy flashing in his eyes. "Dean-"

"Just leave me alone Sammy."

And with that he turns and makes his way towards the kitchen, hoping that he won't be able to hear Ben and you, and wishing that you hadn't met Ben in the first place.

Reader POV

Ben mutters something in his sleep, rolling his body towards yours so close that his muscular right arm brushes against your bare shoulder. He was laying on his stomach, his face pressed into one of your many pillows, snoring softly, and taking up most of your bed.

It wasn't hard to. The full sized bed was hardly big enough for you, let alone two people, especially not someone as tall and broad as Ben. Which became more obvious when you noticed that Ben's feet were hanging off the end.

You sigh, laying on your back and staring up at the cracks in your ceiling, unable to fall asleep. You followed each one with your eyes, tracing the shapes they made like someone watching the clouds on a hill bathed in sunlight. You'd thought that after everything Ben and you did for the past two hours you'd be able to fall asleep as easily as he did, but you couldn't because your mind was awake and roaming everywhere it could.

It wasn't that you hadn't had a good time with Ben or hadn't wanted to have sex with him. Ben didn't force you into anything. You wanted to have sex with him. You had missed him and it had been a while for you, and you liked Ben. The problem was that now, after, there was an odd feeling stirring in the pit of your stomach, something that felt surprisingly like guilt.

I have nothing to be guilty about.

You chide yourself, hands curling and uncurling on the edge of the blanket the longer you stared up at the ceiling. But it was still there, bubbling up beneath the surface. Your mind kept slipping back into the memory of Dean and you in the broken auditorium.

Each time you closed your eyes you were back in Dean's arms, looking up at him while he pushed your hair out of your face and asked you if you were alright, his eyes filled with something that looked suspiciously like worry. He'd never acted gentle or caring like that before with you and you still felt odd from everything that happened.

Fuck. What is happening to me? I just spent the last two hours with Ben, I shouldn’t be thinking about anyone else but-

You sigh again and shut your eyes, but it just brings the image back to haunt you.

You hadn't had any thoughts like this about Dean, not ever, and you didn't know why now. You'd spent years thinking that he was a big jerk who hated you, but the Dean you saw earlier today was far from that.

In the past, Dean had your back a few times, but it hadn't been like earlier. He'd never held you close, covered you with his body as if he didn't care what happened to himself as long as you were safe, and he'd never brushed your hair away with such tenderness it made your heart flutter in your chest.

No. Dean has been a total dick from the moment I met him, he hates me, he-

The thought stutters to a stop when the hurt and jealousy in Dean's eyes when you kissed Ben comes flashing back through your mind.

Does he? Or did I just interpret that wrong? Maybe it was just the hatred he had towards Ben flaring but… why does he hate Ben? He has no reason to.

But despite everything that Dean had done to you over the years, you didn't hate him.

Even though he tap danced on your last nerve whenever he opened his mouth and often made you feel stupid you couldn't, not when you saw the way he cared so much for other people. Dean Winchester was selfless, he always put other people first and was willing to sacrifice himself if it meant someone else got to be happy and got to live.

You glance at the man lying in the bed next to you. Ben was handsome and strong. He possessed some of the qualities of Dean that you found attractive, but he treated you differently. It was what drew you to him when you got trapped in Ben's reality, not just that he looked like Dean, but that Ben joked with you, teased you, and he seemed to generally care about you.

Dean didn't act that way with you. At least, you'd never seen Dean act that way before today. Today was different than any other day and you wished that it hadn't been.

Ben mutters something else, and this time he leans more towards you, his arm coming up around your waist to hold you against his side. The warmth and weight of it was familiar, but it made the feeling of guilt grow larger in your stomach.

Why is this happening? I didn’t feel guilty the last time I had sex with him.

Your eyes trace the way his dark hair has fallen into his face and over the pillow, and you reach up to push some of the strands back from his face. But with it comes the ghost of how you wanted to do the same thing to Dean earlier, that your fingertips had itched to feel his brownish golden hair in your hands.

Before he'd drifted off Ben had asked you to come with him when Cas sent him back to where he was from, said that he wanted you there with him. You had an inkling that it was the first time that Ben had asked something so serious from a woman. But you weren't convinced that it was because Ben wanted to have a relationship, rather that he didn't want to be alone.

You'd be lying if you said you weren't considering it. Ben was kinder to you, gentle (in his own way), and he seemed to appreciate having you around. But there was something holding you back.

At first you thought it was Sam. He was your best friend and you didn't want to abandon him, but there was another feeling, an ache deep down that you didn't know the cause of. Other than Sam there really wasn't anything in this universe that would hold you back from going with Ben, but obviously there was, you just couldn't figure out what.

Sure Ben's reality was fucked up… yours was too. Demons and Angels duking it out for supremacy while other creatures hid under beds and in the dark to kill people or worse wasn’t ideal either. But you weren't sure what your life could look like there. There wasn't anything to hunt which meant you'd probably be dealing with supes instead and the thought wasn’t appealing. You weren't sure that you belonged in his world.

Maybe I should have asked him to stay with me?

The thought made you bite the inside of your cheek. You'd been thinking about moving out of the bunker. Yes it was the only permanent home you'd ever known, but Dean was getting on your nerves and you thought that maybe you should get a little bit of distance from him. Moving out and Ben staying meant that he could come with you on hunts, but you weren't sure that was the solution either. Ben was strong and brave, but you weren't sure that he had the precision or the delicate side you needed when approaching a hunt to do well here.

It was these thoughts that were keeping you awake and you decide to get some water to clear them.

You slowly begin to slip out from under the covers, gently moving Ben's arm off of you as slowly as you can as to not wake him before you make your way to your dresser to find a clean pair of panties and an oversized t-shirt. Ben sighs and shifts in the bed, the sheets pulling down just a little bit so you can admire the expanse of his freckled muscular back.

You'd seen Dean shirtless before once. He had come running out of his room with his gun drawn when you'd stubbed your toe on your bedside table and yelled. He hadn't put on a shirt before coming into your room, just aggressively kicked down the door wearing only a pair of hotdog pajama pants that you did mock him relentlessly for afterward. You didn't know why he'd looked so frantic when you yelled. It was just a toe after all. There wasn't anything for him to be worried about. Sam had showed up maybe ten minutes later rubbing the sleep from his eyes not worried at all.

But you'd remembered how Dean had looked shirtless. Sometimes the thought came flying into your mind at the most inopportune times, when Dean pissed you off and stuck his face so close to yours that you could feel his breath against your lips and the warmth of his skin through he air. The thought of him shirtless with his pajama pants hung so low on his hips that you could see every single hard defined muscle of his abdomen including the ones that made smart girls like you stupid.

You slipped on the clothes, but stop before you open the door to cast one more glance at Ben.

Although you knew that Ben and your relationship was more physical, there was a part of you that believed it could grow into something more if you went with him, something that you'd been wanting for a little while. Not just Ben specifically, but with someone.

Yes you were lonely, and Ben lessened the ache whenever he was around, but sometimes you wanted more than this and being a hunter didn’t help at all.

You never met anyone or tried to have a real relationship with anyone in a long time. The last permanent boyfriend you'd had wasn't a hunter, but someone you'd met in a bar after a hunt with Dean and Sam. It lasted Four months. Four months of you missing anniversaries, dates, and his birthday. He'd accused you of cheating on him with Sam and you'd found him in bed with his work partner when you'd tried to surprise him one weekend. You hadn't been surprised. Surprising was when the guy had tried to follow after you and both Dean and Sam had blocked his path and told him to "get lost." That was putting it nicely.

Sam had to hold Dean back from breaking the guy's arm when he shouted over the two of them at you that you "weren't worth the trouble." You didn’t understand why Dean was also just as pissed at the idea of the guy cheating on you as Sam.

You shake off the thought and tiptoe out of the room in the direction of the kitchen.

The bunker was silent, the metal floors cool beneath your bare feet as you walked down the desolate hallways. You glance at Dean's closed door for a moment as you pass and the feeling in the pit of your stomach tightens. A flash of the emotions on his face when you kissed Ben in the car and at the school flickers through your mind and you clench your jaw.

What the hell is wrong with me?

When you enter the kitchen you realize that you're not alone. Dean is leaning over the metal table his large hands braced on the top, his back to you, and his head bowed. A bottle of expensive whiskey sits on the counter in front of him next to a glass with the maple colored liquid inside. But the weird thing was that this wasn't the usual stuff Dean drank. This was the bottle that he had Sam hide from him for emergencies, the stuff that you'd only seen Dean drink when he was really upset and nothing else would cut it.

But what?

He turns when he hears you walk in.

You watch his eyes darken slightly as they skate over what you're wearing making your cheeks flush. You didn’t think he was still awake. If you had, you would have wore more than your favorite Metallica t-shirt that was worn soft from years of wear. Dean's gaze catches on the end of it where it hits mid-thigh, lingering a second too long, and makes something spark in your chest.

"Sorry. I was just getting some water." You clear your throat awkwardly.

"Romeo didn't get it for you?" Dean frowns as if the thought of Ben is an annoyance to him.

"No, he's asleep." You shake your head. "I thought you were asleep too-"

"Kinda hard to be sweetheart when the two of you are shooting a porno in the room next door to mine."

You feel your cheeks flush an even brighter pink. You didn't know that Ben and you were being that loud. The bed was a little squeaky, but you hadn't worried about the sound. The icky feeling in the pit of your stomach is back, the guilt rising in a wave the more you realize how much Dean heard.

Again? Why am I guilty? Ben and I had fun, he didn't force me to do anything. I wanted to have sex with him but-

"I'm sorry. I didn't know we were being that loud." You shake off the feeling and move around Dean to get a glass from one of the shelves.

"Guess he was making up for lost time huh? All those lonely months away from you fucking other women were hard I guess." Dean's words bite through the air and made your own temper flare up.

"He's not cheating on me. We weren't exclusive-"

"But you haven't been with anyone since you came back from his world."

Your hand freezes around the glass you reached for on the shelf. Why did he notice that? And why does he care?

The flicker of emotion in Dean's eyes when you kissed Ben in the auditorium comes roaring back, jealousy and hurt. It makes the guilt worse.

You let out a breath to calm the anger that wishes to bite back at Dean's comment. "Look, I know that you don't like him, but Ben isn't a bad person and even though it's not any of your business, we had fun."

You don't know why you felt the need to justify what you'd done with, but the words are out of your mouth before you can stop them. Standing here in front of Dean felt awkward, and it never had before. And it wasn't just because of what you were wearing, there was something else charging the air between the two of you. You were expecting a giant purple elephant to appear in the corner.

Dean chuckles, his eyes dark. "Did you now?"

"Yes." You reply, but you can't hold his gaze, not when he's looking at you like that.

Dean takes a long swig from the glass in front of him, his lips curling on the edges in a cruel smirk. This was the Dean you saw more often, the one that made you feel like a failure and a bother, but it was the first time that you longed to see the soft Dean who protected you from the fallen debris.

"I could hear just how much fun the two of you were having sweetheart." He continues. "But the man who isn’t a bad person toasted a woman that he slept with without batting an eye. Imagine what he'd do to you."

"A woman who was going to kill me." You say to defend Ben. "And he wouldn't hurt me."

Dean's eyes flick down to your thighs, his gaze hardening. "What do you call those?"

You glance down at the place where your shirt meets your thighs and notice the bruises. There were five on each leg and each was a perfect imprint of Ben's fingertips. They didn't hurt and you certainly hadn't felt or noticed them before Dean pointed them out.

But you knew that Ben would never hurt you. He wasn't like that.

Sure he killed that woman today, but she was crazy and she was trying to kill me and-

"He didn't it on purpose. He's stronger than us and sometimes-"

"Don't you dare make excuses for that asshole." Dean growls eyes flashing. "I don't care if he didn't do it on purpose, he still did it. He knows how strong he is and if he can't control himself he shouldn't be sleeping with you!"

"You're being ridiculous!" Ice clinks against the sides of your glass as you make your way back towards the sink.

"No, I'm not. And I want him gone!"

"Oh really?" You snark while placing the glass under the running water in the sink. "I had no idea. You've been so calm and collected since the moment Ben showed up."

Dean opens his mouth to respond, but instead huffs out a breath and pours himself another glass. The amber colored liquid splashes against the sides of the cup as Dean violently picks it up to take another drink.

An uncomfortable silence settles over the kitchen.

The water is cold, but you can't feel it when you take a sip, and you still can't quite look at Dean.

If he really is jealous, why can't he just come out and say it? Why is he being so stubborn and nitpicking someone else?

You sigh quietly to yourself and take another sip of water. The guilt was building again, prickling beneath your skin and bringing an uncomfortable sensation in the pit of your stomach the longer you stand there.

Why am I guilty? Dean being jealous has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him!

You think about going back to your room and being done with it, but you can't something is keeping you in that kitchen with Dean just as something is keeping him there with you.

"He-um-" You swallow. "He asked me to back with him to his universe." 

Dean's entire body tenses as he explodes. "What? Are you fucking kidding me!?"

"No I-"

"Are you seriously considering that?" He demands looking at you like you're crazy.

"Yes. I am." You answer him honestly. There's something hidden beneath the surface that makes you want to tell Dean this. You're not sure if it's morbid curiosity or if it's something else, something that you can't quite place, but you want Dean to tell you what he thinks.

"But why?! You've known that asshole for five days!" Dean snaps back, but you can hear something in his voice, almost as if he's holding himself back from saying something else.

Dean please just say it! Don't keep it in!

"He's not an asshole, he's just rough around the edges." You shrug continuing to make excuses for Ben and thinking about the bruises on your thighs.

"Oh please." Dean rolls his eyes so far into the back of his head you wonder how they didn't get stuck on his brain. "If I took a piece of tree bark and ran it along his arm, he'd make it smooth."

"But-"

"Sam told me that you were unhappy here, but I didn't think you would throw your entire life away to be with that asshole!"

His words make you hesitate for a moment in surprise.

Sam told him that I was thinking about leaving? Why did he tell Dean that?

"What life Dean?" You shout, throwing your arms out to gesture to the entire room. "I don't have anything here! I can't keep a relationship because I let people down. I don't know who my dad is because he walked out on my mom as soon as he found out she was pregnant. My mom died four years ago. I go to bed every night wishing for something else to happen but-" Frustrated tears were burning in your eyes now.

You didn't want to cry in front of him, but the urge to was overpowering everything else, the emotions you tried to keep down for so long beginning to curl and reform from the dark recessive parts of your mind where you buried them the night you met Dean Winchester.

"You deserve better than that asshole!" Dean shouts over you taking another step in your direction.

"Oh and what do you think I deserve Dean? Are you saying that I deserve someone like you?

Dean grits his teeth in frustration, anger blazing behind his eyes. "No I-" He finds his words. “I can’t believe you slept with him.”

"Oh good! That dinosaur. Falling back on something familiar, what a typical Dean Winchester move!" You gesture wildly with your hands sloshing water onto the floor. "I don’t understand why you’re so upset about it. We’re both consenting adults. He didn’t force me to do anything.”

You put down the cup to avoid throwing the glass at him.

“I just don’t see why you did it!” He towers over you, his body pulled taunt with his own anger and frustration.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You shouldn’t be sleeping around with people like him!”

Is he out of his MIND?!

"Why not?" You demand, fists curling into balls at your sides because you know that it's not safe to put them anywhere else. The anger that was flaring in your chest was starting to rival how you felt the last time that Dean and you had an argument and you broke his nose. And it had just finished healing a few days ago.

"Because he treats you like a piece of meat!" Dean shouts it so loud you can hear the frying pans hanging in the kitchen clink together

"Do you even hear yourself? I have seen you in bars picking up women after a hunt-"

You had. Countless times. The bravado Dean had when the three of you were still floating on the adrenaline that was pumping through from a hunt you'd seen first hand in the bars where Sam and you sat at a one of the high top tables watching him weave through the crowds with the sound of classic rock blaring over the crackly speakers. You watched Dean find another woman for the night, saw how he tried his best lines and got what he wanted while you sat in the motel room next to his trying to read beside a sleeping Sam and avoid the noises coming from next door.

"This is different!" He fumes.

"How is it different Dean? I want to know!"

Is it different because he's jealous? Or did I just imagine that?

You didn't think that you did.

Dean's face is bright red with the force of his anger and you're sure yours must be too given how it feels like it's on fire.

"He's always touching you or kissing you, putting his fucking hands on you!" Dean's jaw is clenched tight.  "I've never heard him give you one compliment other than how you look-"

You laugh in his face, but it comes out crueler than you meant it to. "In contrast to how many compliments you give me? Because I don't think there's been any of those."

"I compliment you." He huffs back.

"Oh really?" You scoff. "When?"

Dean is quiet for a minute. His eyes drag over you again, but this time the sweep of them bring a heat vibrating against your skin and your throat gets tight. "I like your shirt."

"HA!" You shout triumphant holding up a finger. "That's looks based."

"You didn't let me finish!" He scrambles. "I like your shirt because I like that band too and you have okay taste in music."

"Oh wooowwww. I have "okay taste in music" let me just swoon right here." You wave your hand back and forth. "Fuck you. I have awesome taste in music!"

"That's not what I-"

"And who is it that should I be sleeping around with? You?!" You roll your eyes trying to take a step away from him, but he moves to intercept you.

His fists are clenched so tightly at his sides that his knuckles are white. “I didn’t say that! Don’t put words in my mouth.”

His green eyes darken as he stares down at you, the fluorescent lights above the two of you catching the familiar hard lines of his face. Even though Dean looked like Ben, he still looked like himself in his own way. The familiar crows feet that graced under his eyes, the subtle tilt of his head, the rough stubble that pebbled over his chin and cheeks, the soft freckles, and the green eyes that you always found on you. There was a small scar just barely visible on the bridge of his nose and a few flecked on the edges of his face that made him more handsome.

You'd noticed how handsome he was in the past, but never like this. You'd never looked at Dean as other than someone who annoyed you. And yes he was annoying you now, but there was something else that you could feel threatening to explode, something you buried deep down and refused to unearth.

“I’m not putting words in your mouth Dean, I’m trying to figure out why this is such a big deal to you!”

Why is it a big deal?

“It just is!"

"Why? Because you're jealous?!" You hadn't meant to say it, but Dean's body goes taunt again.

"I am not jealous. I just don’t want you sleeping with him!”

“I think you are! And you’re not my dad Dean. You don’t get to decide who I sleep with!” You'd had enough of hearing him yell at you, of hearing him bitch about something that wasn't any of his business.

Who does he think he is? We're not together.

“That’s not what this is about-“

“Then what is it about Dean?! Why are you so hung up on something that is none of your business?!”

"It is my business!"

"How? How is it your business? Because you think that Ben is you somehow?"

"He is me!" Dean roars again and you wished he would stop saying it, because it was snagging on something in your chest.

A lie that you told yourself when you first started sleeping with Ben. You knew it. That you liked Ben because he looked like Dean and he appreciated you, that he didn't make you feel stupid, or ugly or not worth his time.

"No, he's not!" You shout back shaking off the feelings for what you hope is the final time. “Why do you care so much about this?!”

“Because I-“ Dean shouts, eyes narrowed at you. “Because I just do!”

“WHY?” You poke your finger into his chest. “I don’t care who you think you are. You don’t get to tell me who I can and cannot sleep with!"

“I’m not trying to!”

“Yes you are! And I am so sick of your bullshit Winchester. This is none of your business. None of this is. It's my life! So why don't you just take your unneeded opinion and-"

The rest of your sentence evaporates into thin air as Dean grabs your shoulders so tight you're sure they're be bruises and pulls you in for a searing kiss.

Your body is frozen in shock, the warmth of his lips against yours holding a softness that you'd never known.

Everything about this kiss is different than the ones you'd share with Ben. You knew better than to compare them, but Ben kissed like he meant to devour you. He wasn't hesitant or afraid to take what he wanted when he kissed you, but Dean?

Dean kissed like he wanted you to understand and that he wished to understand himself. Dean's kiss was passionate, filled with enough emotion that it left you breathless. Ben was never afraid to take what he wanted but Dean, he was almost asking, trying to let you understand, and trying to listen to what you wanted.

But just as he deepens the kiss you push him away and slap him across the face. The sharp sound rings through the kitchen and for a moment all you can do is stare at him shocked while the red mark on his face forms.

"What the hell was that for?" Dean shouts, but the emotion in his eyes wasn't anger, it was hurt.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" You shout back still out of breath. The ghost of his lips presses against yours and the taste of the whiskey remains on the tip of your tongue.

"I thought that-" He clears his throat, eyes widening.

"Thought what?"

"That you wanted me to-"

"To what? Kiss me?" The frustration was building again, because yes it had felt good to kiss him, but you hated that he was doing this now. That after years of him hating you, now when you had the possibility of being happy Dean was making this harder for you.

"Well-"

"No." You poke your finger into his chest, and this time you can't hold back the tears. They slip from your eyes, hot against your skin, as you feel every emotion that you'd kept bottled up beginning to surge up in a wave. "You don't get to do this Dean. Not now. Not after years of you treating me like shit."

Dean sighs and reaches for you, but you pull back from him. Hurt flashes in his eyes again and you can feel your own in the center of your chest. "I didn't-"

"Yes, you did. Damn it Dean, I'm not some shiny toy the two of you can fight over."

"That's not what I'm doing!"

"Then why now?" You ask in a half sob.

Dean pauses. "What?"

"Why after years of you hating me-"

"I never hated you." Dean's voice is more of a whisper than anything else.

"Oh bullshit. Yes you do!" You raise your hand to scrub at your cheeks, the tears falling quicker now.

It was the first time that you'd allowed yourself to cry in front of him, and you were fighting the urge to run back to your room. Ben was still there and you didn't know how the hell you were going to explain to you why you were crying.

"Will you just shut your damn mouth for five seconds and let me talk!?" He snaps running his hand through his hair, frustrated.

"Don't you dare tell me to shut up."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm going to break your nose again if you do!"

"You need to because I'm trying to explain-"

"Explain what? Explain that you've completely lost your mind? Explain that all the years of you undermining me, making me feel like a burden, teasing me, yelling at me, making me feel like I was stupid, and driving me absolutely insane, has just been you trying to say that you love me?!"

You hadn't meant to shout that at him. Hadn't meant to say the word love, but now it was there hovering in the air between the two of you. Dean's eyes are locked with yours and you don't think he's taken a breath since you spoke.

Because love was a little word, only four letters, but why did it always seem so heavy? How could one word have the same weight as a loaded gun? How could something so small cause so much pain and so much hurt?

"Yes." Dean looks down at the ground, not able to meet your eyes. He looks ashamed and you can't find the words to fill the silence.

Because Dean Winchester was in love with you. The man who you'd always thought hated you, who you thought wished that you were never around, and who you thought believed you to be an annoyance.

Holy shit.

"I-" He swallows. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how much I hurt you. All I wanted was for you to be safe and to talk to me the way you talk to Sam." His voice is quiet, just a soft rumble, but you can hear a tremor on the edge of his words. "I didn't mean to make you hate me."

The words strike you right in the center of your chest and it shocks you so much that you stop crying. You'd seen different sides of Dean before. Seen him angry, happy, annoyed, frustrated, sad… but Dean Winchester had never looked broken around you, not like this, and certainly not over you. Whenever something went wrong Dean would isolate himself from you in his room with a bottle of something to numb the pain. It made you feel like someone was gutting out your insides with a pitchfork.

The silence grows between the two of you again, and his head is still bowed and looking down at the floor in shame.

You exhale softly, controlled by something that you're not sure, and reach out towards Dean's face.

He flinches back from you, eyes rimmed red, looking at you suspiciously as if he believes you're going to break his nose. In hindsight, you supposed it was a reasonable fear to have since you'd done it in the past.

"What are you doing?" He asks, voice cracking. Dean's green eyes have dimmed, looking more like an aged jade pot that's sat outside in the sun for too long.

"Please shut up." You sniffle, the end of your mouth twitching into a smile, before you place your hands on the sides of Dean's face and pull him down to you.

The kiss is quick, only a brush of your lips against his to give yourself a taste and when it's done you pull back letting your hands fall to your sides. You're not sure why you did that. Maybe it's because Dean admitted to loving you and he looks like a lost puppy, but-

Dean steps forward into the space, his hands reaching towards your face, and you flinch.

“What are you-“

“Please shut up.” Dean murmurs, echoing the words you'd whispered to him moments ago.

His hands are rough and warm against your cheeks. Worn from years of carrying a gun in his hand and hard work he never shied away from. But they’re nothing but gentle against your skin as he pulls your face to his.

You could be standing on the surface of the sun and not feel as hot as you do now. A volcano could erupt and bathe you in lava and you would just scoff at it like it was a normal day, because kissing Dean feels infinite. It's all consuming. The scrub of his five o'clock shadow against your cheeks, the slide of his hands down your arms that bring goosebumps in their wake, the smell of his shampoo that you always catch when you walk into the bathroom, the nudge of his nose into your cheek, and the soft supple welcome of his lips that draw the breath from your lungs all take you somewhere otherworldly.

You couldn't stop. It was a compulsion, like magnets, like it was something you wanted to do for so long but buried it deep down to avoid the inevitable. Fueled by the belief that Dean would push you away, because Dean Winchester hated you.

But he didn't, he never did.  And in the kiss is something else, years of emotions the two of you pushed down, years of being frenemies of almost losing each other, years of ignoring what was developing between the two of you, and years of watching the other fall for the wrong person.

Dean moans softly into your mouth and picks you up, his muscular arms fitting under your legs to place you on the counter, not pulling away at all and stepping into the space between them to fit himself closer to you. Your hands come to the back of his head, tangling in the short strands at the nape of his neck, shuffling your nails through his hair in a way that makes Dean shudder and pull you tighter to his chest.

Dean pulls back from you out of breath, but rests his forehead against yours, as if any further is too far from you and he doesn't wish to ever let you go.

"I don't hate you Dean." You whisper before he can say anything. "I can't. And I was only with Ben because I thought that this could never happen because you hated me-"

Dean's lips fall against yours taking your next words with it. "I don't hate you. I never did."

"Then why?"

He sighs. "I hated that you were a hunter, that this was your life, that you'd been doing this for so long with no one helping you."

"I'm okay."

"I know that, but I-" Dean hesitates. "I shouldn't have done what I did, but I didn't think that you'd want this-"

"This?"

"Me." Dean closes his eyes leaning further against you, almost as if he can’t hold himself up.

"Why?" Your grip on the back of his neck tightens.

"Because I'm-" He tries to find the word. "I'm not perfect. I'm a jealous asshole. I've done terrible things, made you cry.” He sighs. “You deserve better."

You kiss him softly. "There is no one better. I'm not looking for perfect, I'm looking for human. There's nothing wrong with making a mistake and being imperfect. The imperfections are what make you, you." Your fingers curl into the hair at the nape of his neck. "Dean, you're not a bad person. You are the most selfless man I have ever met. And maybe you've messed up a few times, but I have too. Do you think I'm a bad person for the things I've done?"

There was a list of them that seemed to grow longer each day and it was difficult not to dwell on the things of the past. But standing here with Dean, watching the weight settle on his shoulders, while he told you that he didn't think he was enough for you made you throw it all away.

"No.”

“Do you think that I’m not deserving of love?”

“No. But-"

 You shush him. "Then don’t talk that way about the man I love."

Dean's eyes widen, but you watch the end of his lips twitch into a smile. "You love me?"

"Yeah." You whisper. "I think I always have, but I was afraid because you were-"

His mouth falls over yours so fast you don’t have time to finish the thought. "I love you too."

Your heart flutters in your chest with his words.

"Kinda hard not to." His thumbs stroke along your hip bone over the soft t-shirt sending electricity dancing along your spine.

You smirk. "You're right. I am pretty great."

"I think the word you're looking for is high maintenance." Dean smirks back at you.

"Aww… That means I'm out of your league and you're lucky to have me in your life." You giggle with a smile.

"I am." He murmurs, nudging his nose forward into yours moving in for another kiss.

Someone clears their throat from the other side of the room drawing your eye. Ben is leaning against the doorway dressed in his suit, watching where you're wrapped up in Dean's arms.

Any warm feelings you were having standing there with Dean immediately evaporate and the guilt comes roaring back. You'd forgotten that Ben was still here and you felt bad for him. You didn't want him to think that you used him.

"Ben I-" You begin to stutter, but he only shakes his head at you.

"You don't gotta explain anything doll, I know what this was." Ben smirks, but you see something flicker in his gaze for just a second before its gone.  "And I'm man enough to admit when I'm beat. Even if I don't like it."

"But-" You try to say again.

Oh this is so awkward.

"Don't do me any favors sweetheart, we had fun." Ben shrugs. "That's all this was."

Cas walks into the room with Sam at his heels, who looks much too smug when he spies where Dean has you on the counter. You push Dean back and stand up, while Dean shoots daggers with his gaze leveled at Sam.

Sam isn't phased, but chooses not to say anything.

Ben rolls himself off the doorway and walks confidently to where Dean and you are standing, extending his hand towards Dean. "You take care of her." Ben's eyes flick to you for a second before focusing more on Dean. "She's special."

The hand of guilt on your throat tightens just a little more, because somewhere you wondered if Ben really was as aloof as he seemed or if he had started to care about you a little more than he let on.

"I will." Dean's smile is forced, and you see him squeeze Ben's hand a little tighter as he does.  It only makes Ben smirk wider.

Cas begins to write the symbol on the floor taking care with each intricate detail to open the portal, but you stop him at the last minute.

"Wait." You take a step forward and hug Ben tightly. "Thank you."

"You're thanking me for fucking you?" Ben snorts throwing a smug look in Dean's direction that makes Dean bristle. "Guess I am a gift."

"Shut up." Your cheeks blaze bright red and you hear Dean growl something under his breath. "No, just thank you. For being here."

Ben hesitates. He raises his hand to your cheek, fingers tracing along your skin before he brushes away some of your hair. It was a gentle gesture from him, one that you weren't accustomed to. The emotion in his eyes shifts to something else, but he hides it with a smirk. "You're welcome sweetheart."

"Maybe you'll meet the me from your reality." You say, because you're not sure what else you can say, not when Ben is looking at you like that.

The entire situation was again reaching soap opera proportions and there was only so much you could take before you drove your car off a cliff.

The truth was, you did like Ben. You thought he was attractive, bold, strong, but there was always something a little gentle that lurked under the surface he never let anyone else see.

But you loved Dean. He understood what it was like to be a hunter, understood what it was like to not be able to live up to someone's expectations, and he loved you. You couldn't see a life with Ben, but you could see one with Dean. Ben didn't belong in your world and you didn't belong in his.

Ben's smirk twitches. "Maybe. But she won't be the same as you doll."

Dean clears his throat and steps forward to pull you back into his chest possessively. "I think your ride's leaving." You don't have to look up into his face to know he's frowning.

Ben chuckles. "You know what kid? You're alright." His eyes flick back to yours. "You give me a call if you get bored with him."

"She won't." Dean snaps. “And don’t call me kid.”

Ben only laughs at him and steps closer to Cas as he begins to finish the ritual and when the portal finally opens, Ben goes through without looking back.

And you don’t feel guilty anymore, because you knew that Ben understood.

"Finally." Dean breathes a sigh of relief that makes you snort, dropping his head to your shoulder. It was so casual that you had to remind yourself that Dean loved you and you loved him.

Sam clears his throat. "Hey Cas will you help me with something in the library-"

"What do you have to do in the library?" Cas frowns at him confused.

"Just something come on-"

"But why-"

"CAS!" Sam shouts casting an obvious look in the direction of where Dean and you are standing.

Cas looks at the two of you. "Are they coming with us to the library?"

Sam huffs out a frustrated breath and grabs Cas by the back of his trench coat to drag him out of the kitchen so Dean and you can have a few moments alone.

You snort at the confused look on Cas's face when Sam drags him out, before you turn your body in his arms to look up into Dean's handsome face. "Do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to be jealous of yourself?"

"I thought he wasn't me?" Dean smirks, his eyebrow arching with his tease. His fingers are resting resolutely on your hips, thumbs softly trailing in circles.

"He is a little bit." You admit defeated. "But don't look so smug Winchester."

"I think I'm allowed to be a little bit." His smirk grows and he leans his face down to yours. Instead of feeling angry at the appearance of his smirk it only makes you smile.

Standing here in the aftermath made you see Dean in a different light, made your heart buckle and jump in your chest the longer you stood there in the kitchen basking in the warmth that began to bloom in your chest.

"Maybe…" You gently touch the front of his buffalo print flannel, smoothing the fabric beneath your fingertips. It looked good on him, very little looked bad on Dean.

"Do you regret staying with me?" He mutters.

"What?" You glance back up to see his face and notice that he's not smiling, he's frowning at you, and his eyes aren't as bright.

Dean clears his throat. "Well you seemed like you were really going to miss him and-"

He doesn't get to finish his sentence. You throw your arms around his neck and pull him back down to you, putting you everything you have into the kiss, hoping that Dean can feel how you have no regrets staying with him, that all you want is him.

"Dean Winchester." You breathe, moving your hands to cup his cheeks so he can't look away from you. "I do not regret staying with you, because I love you." You pull him as close to you as you can, his warm hands splayed over your back. "This is where I belong." You kiss him on the tip of his nose. "And this is where you belong. With me."

Dean's eyes warm the longer you hold his gaze. "I'm starting to believe you."

"Anything that I can do to convince you?"

"I can think of a few things…"

Ben/Soldier Boy POV

"Stupid, fucking piece of shit!" Ben growled at the computer monitor in front of him that had a bright red ERROR message splayed across it.

It had been two days since he'd left your reality, and he was trying his best to shove away the disappointment at the fact that you hadn't decided to come back with him. It wasn't that Ben wanted more than what the two of you had, it was that he liked having someone to talk to or try to talk to, and you were a good listener.

He didn’t like opening up to people, but there was something about you. He could trust you and Ben hadn't found anyone he could trust since he got back from Russia.

Ben also wasn't about to admit that he was lonely, he had plenty of women who were eager to warm his bed, but there was something about you that always made him feel different. He wasn't sure what that was exactly.

He'd also be lying if he said that he had wanted to explore it a little more if you'd come with him to his reality. The thought of you staying with him for an extended period of time in his apartment hadn't been unwelcome. Ben had never allowed other women to stay more than a day, but you… Ben would have let you stay as long as you wanted to.

Fuck.

He knew that he wasn't in love with you, but Ben knew he liked having you around. He liked being friends with you and he liked fucking you.

And yes he was disappointed that you had chosen Dean instead of him, but at the same time Ben didn't blame you. You had a history with Dean and when you'd been forced into Ben's reality, you'd talked to him a lot about Dean. Ben knew that you liked Dean more than you cared to admit.

But there was still an unwelcome feeling in the pit of his stomach that Ben wasn't accustomed to.

Ben huffed out a breath to push away the thoughts, while looking at what was left of the keyboard on his desk. The keys were scattered across the wooden top like bits of confetti, broken easily underneath his large fingertips when he'd tried to write an email

When he'd come back from Russia, Ben had taken a job working for the Department of Supe Affairs, but he was "grounded" due to the "anger issues" that he swore he didn't have, and because he didn't listen to Butcher whenever he gave him an order.

I don't need to follow orders. I'm Soldier Boy! I should be giving the orders!

Basically it meant that he was stuck on a desk indefinitely until Annie January, the new department head, released him. She'd also ordered that Ben go to company mandated therapy sessions once a week. He'd refused to go, but after Annie threatened him with termination of his contract, which meant that Ben would have gone back to being someone who "looked like someone who used to be famous," he'd gone to therapy.

And he refuses to admit this to anyone… but he liked it. Someone who was paid to listen to him bitch for a whole hour about whatever pissed him off and actually kept their trap shut was just what he needed.

Sometimes it reminded him of when he would talk to you, but there were still things that he refused to tell anyone and some of those things he had told you.

Ben ran his hand through his hair frustrated at his predicament. He would have liked to go into the field and take out some of his frustration on another supe, but Annie refused to give.

Ben didn't like listening to women, but even he had to admit Annie had a set of brass balls and he respected her for it. She didn’t take shit from anyone and especially didn't listen to Ben's bitching over why he should be in the field instead of being chained to a desk.

"Oi you all right mate?" Butcher calls and Ben can hear the shit eating grin without looking up from his computer screen.

The error message was still displayed in bright red letters, mocking him.

Ben knows that Butcher doesn't give a shit, and is probably about to start teasing him about his inability to adapt to modern day technology.

It wouldn't be the first time.

"Don't you have something better to do? Like fucking that little bitch that Annie is ploughing?" Ben spits back, clicking on the mouse but all it does is bring up another error message in another language.

"Oh mon ami, that doesn't look good." Frenchie walks by to stare at the computer screen that has now gone slightly fuzzy.

"I don’t think that's going to fix it mate." Butcher laughs. " But I called IT."

"I don’t need any of those four-eyed fucks helping me!" Ben snaps turning to narrow his eyes at Butcher.

He's holding a white cup of tea, wearing his usual long trench coat and Hawaiian shirt, with the shit eating grin that Ben knew Butcher was going to have when he looked up.

The last thing Ben needed was some nerd telling him everything that he did wrong. He was already on a first name basis with the director of the IT department, who was a little weasel of a man and who no longer picked up the phone when Ben called to yell at him.

"I think you're gonna want to listen to this particular four eyed fuck. She's new." Butcher gloats. "But don’t say I never did anything for you Soldier Boy."

"What the fuck does that mean?" Ben shouts at Butcher's back, but he's already gone.

Ben turns back to the error message that has begun to flash an even brighter red and now has a countdown.

"Fuck, fuck fuck-" Ben growled and to remedy the situation he puts his fist through the computer screen. It makes a high pitched electrical popping sound, showering his desk in sparks, while the overhead lights flicker, before the screen goes completely black.

Ben was not stupid, but he was a little slow when it came to modern day technology. He was doing better than he had initially, but it was taking him a longer time to understand using his desktop computer at work than his cell phone.

"Hi, I'm from IT. Mr. Butcher called and said that you might need a little help." The voice was small and tentative, coming from somewhere on Ben's left.

"I don't need any help. Especially not from a fucking four-" Ben started to growl, but then he looked up and the words died in his throat.

Because the person standing next to his desk was you.

This version of you looked different. Ben was used to seeing someone in old band t-shirts, worn blue jeans, and flannel shirts, someone who carried themselves confidently and had a hardness surrounding their outer exterior that simply said "don't fuck with me."

But this version of you was softer and a little gentle. Your hair was longer and pushed back from your face by a simple black headband, you were wearing dark framed glasses, an oversized cardigan sweater that covered a simple pair of blue jeans, a striped blouse, and a pair of dark blue converse. The converse made Ben smile. He hadn't seen anyone wearing Chuck Taylors in a little while and it was a welcome sight, something from the past that he actually recognized.

The version of you Ben knew from Dean's universe flashed through Ben's mind again. She was more confident and outgoing, but you looked a little shy, hiding back in the cardigan and using the iPad in your hands as a welcome distraction to looking Ben in the eyes and like a shield.

He thought it was cute.

As much as Ben liked the version of you he knew who didn't shy away from anything, Ben found himself smiling at this one. You were definitely more soft spoken and a little less confident, but Ben could see a sweetness and sincerity in your eyes that he hadn't come across since he came back to the US.

It was the thing that always made him trust the other version of you, the part of him that made him want to tell the other version of you things that he hadn't told other people.

"I'm sorry." You say, even though you have nothing to be sorry about. "I-"

"No. I'm sorry." Ben clears his throat awkwardly and for the first time in a long time he feels nervous. He wasn't sure why that was, not to mention he never apologized to anyone, ever, but he didn't want to scare you away.

"It's okay." You give him a soft smile. "Computers can be frustrating, but sometimes it’s better not to put your fist through the screen."

Ben chuckles. "Probably not my best work."

You shake your head, a wider smile on your face, the motion of it sending the smell of your perfume over him, something floral and a little old fashioned. You look at the remnants of the computer and bite the inside of your cheek deep in thought.

Ben found himself tracing the furrow of your brows and the scrunch of your nose. You were beautiful in every reality to him.

"Well, Mr. Soldier Boy I don't think-"

"Please call me Ben." He interrupts.

Ben wondered if you were this shy all the time and if you'd be just as shy if he took you to bed. He wanted to find out.

Ben had slept with many women in his lifetime and he was usually drawn to women who were more confident and outgoing, sure of themselves, but there was something about your shy attitude that Ben found attractive.

"Ben." You say it in the soft voice of yours, cheeks flushed a little bit as if you're embarrassed to say it. "I don't think that there's anything I can do for this." Your hand waves over the computer. "But I can go talk to my boss and tell him you need another one."

"I'll go with you." Ben stood up.

He didn’t want to let you out of his sight, not when a part of him worried that you weren’t really there or you would evaporate into nothing before his very eyes.

"Oh, it's okay. You don't have to-" You stammer, shaking your head, and not quite looking at him as if making eye contact was a little harder for you.

"I want to." Ben smiles at you. He hears your heart beat quicken and can hear the small intake of breath you have when he smiles. "He's an asshole and I don't want him to chew you out for something I did." Ben explains.

It was partly true. The guy was an asshole. Not to mention, Butcher had said it was your first day and Ben wasn’t going to stand by and have the head of the IT department screaming at you when you had done nothing wrong.

"Oh." You clear your throat, cheeks blushing that cute pink color that makes Ben smile wider. "Well if you'll just follow me."

He hadn’t met someone like you in a long time. And even though he liked the other version of you, Ben was starting to like this one more.

"To the ends of the Earth doll." Ben winks and watches the flush of your cheeks deepen to a crimson and hears the way your heart buckles and jumps when he does.

And the longer he stands there watching you blush, Ben begins to feel an odd feeling flicker in the pit of his stomach racing up into his chest that he’d never felt before and for the first time in a long time Ben was curious to see where it could lead.

A/N: Alright we made it to the end and everyone got a happy ending! Thank you again everyone for all the love and support while I was writing this mini-series 💗

Reveal of the Poll:

🥫: Meeting the reader from Ben's Universe in a grocery store.

💻: Meeting the reader from Ben's Universe in the IT department.

Personally I liked the IT more, and the problem is now I really like the shy reader with Ben. They are so cute and now I'm hyperfixated on Ben with a shy reader so we'll see where that goes 🤣

Thank you so much for reading! As always likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated, but are not required. I love hearing what y'all think!

Taglist For It's Not A Big Deal:

@roseblue373 @mrsjenniferwinchester @livya99 @zepskies

@winchesterwild78 @ladykitana90 @spnfamily-j2 @whyyouegg

@suckitands33 @pizzagirlxnsfwx @s0uz4s @schinug @just-levyy

@xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @minas-fantasies @ladysparkles78

@mochminnie @peachhiz

@impala67stellawinchester @nancymcl @lunaleah @lightdancingwords @kamisobsessed

@justwhisperingfantasies @lunaleah @kamisobsessed @kmc1989 @djudy99

@chriszgirl92

@toxicfataldestiny @im-bili @anniebannanie0315 @jays-bonnie-on-the-side @schinug

@shara-ne @gaida-511 @xxmusic13luverxx @bakugotypecrashout @n-o-p-e-never

@thoughtfullyfurryangel @youroldfashioned

@marvelgeeka @myceliumsunshine @hobby27

@funkenniffler

[be-side-my-self]

Rewatch of ONLY Murders In The Building to prepare for season 4 (VI)

<Part I> // <Part II> // <Part III> // <Part IIII> // <Part V>

Block #OMITBRewatch if you don’t want to read notes that will have spoilers up to seasons 3. Just to make it clear, while quoting, I use M, O, C for the main characters.

Also I’m putting this under a read more because it gets long.

okay, before I start let me just recommend a really good movie, that you'll enjoy if you like "Only Murders In the Building".

"See how they run"

S3 E1

Next season, we get flashbacks.

C: "Once smitten though, then comes the work of classes and training, of speech and technique... honing your craft,"

Aint that true? And I did not even follow any hobby/passion to become my job.

That apartment is so beautiful.

Meryl Streep! Loretta. Got it.

I guess Oliver does understand the monologue on a deep level.

And I love the parallel of him going to the right side of the stage to watch her more closely, just like Loretta did with that acretss in the theater all those years ago.

O: "Where have you been?"

Love that Howard is Olivers assistant.

*Four months ago.*

M: "Well, you know we're all just so busy-busy, and, who are we without a homicide?"

Lmao... there can only be one peacock and that is Oliver.

... no even though he is gay you can't kiss him like that.

Aristotle Brazzos?

Of course the producer of the Brazzos reboot is on harassment charges.

I feel like stopping people who start to quote Ghandi is a meme in itself.

Ben: "But, in the films, I'm just the friendly zoologist who morphs into a 20-foot cobra and helps the cops save the day."

That sounds so trashy... I'd watch it. At least the first movie.

It's weird... she was casted because of her voice and then she tries something else.

It is a bit awkward but it's a first reading.

Shut up, Ben!

Lmao, Oliver is awful and great at giving pep-talks.

O: "You go. I go."

... they mentioned twitter... gosh. I miss twitter.

Uma is great.

Aww, Mabel missed her old guys.

Someone is smitten...

Someone else is smitten too...

"Congratulations! Death Rattle Cast & Crew We killed 'em!"

Amazing, how everyone is now even more awkward after Ben returned.

He is still an asshole.

The renovated apartment looks amazing.

Aw... Mabel needs to leave. :(

Uma: "You gotta be fucking kidding me."

S3 E2

(sorry in before I had a beer and am super tired)

narrating from the point of view of the victim

"Girl Cop" a weird concept that probably would have been a real hit back in the late 90's ealery 00's

"Tight"

C: "Then you're sleuthing?" M: "Obviously."

Charles knows a lot of random things.

Harry Styles is talking at Ben's funeral.

The security guy - Greg - is just a weird stalker fan.

I like Maxine.

Maxine: "I never hold back. And neither should you."

Uh Oh Oliver.

C: "At least we found the killer. And in record time. Usually, it takes us at least eight episodes."

Detective Biswas.

Oh Oliver, having to reduce stress and cut out the dips... impossible!

M: "PTSD check. How are we holding up?" C: "Okay. I've already repressed it."

Olivers hallucinations are always so fascinating.

"Death Rattle Dazzle!"

Oliver instantly feeling stressed when the other two tell him that they will do another podcast.

S3 E3

(two days later, not drunk or tired)

Oliver is such a good composer

And Mabel got Oliver down to a T.

Donna and Cliff's relationship is so awful...

Mabel is banned from Olivers apartment

Tobert: "Sounds perfectly reasonable. And delivered so naturally."

Not sure if there was something between Mabel and Tobert? I remember thinking so...

Also I think I remember one of the big plot points about Dickie and Loretta.

C: "Oliver, how would you feel if I threw you under a bus?" O: "Knock yourself out. I was about to throw myself in front of one."

Mabel and Tobert are locked in a thight, dark space.

And I guess you can get any girl with the story of rescuing a baby elephant.

Lmao, Charles is so bad at trying to fit in.

Loretta is hitting so hard on Oliver.

"The Nanny's Lullaby" is such a good song.

Yes, Cliff get that Musical!

Okay, the Loretta and Oliver romance is really cute...

And it makes sense, that they think Kimber did it.

I really would love to know who all the characters are in Death Rattle and who wrote it.

S3 E4

Gosh, Cinda's new podcast about self-care is so... awful. Smells like bullshit

The apartment Mabel is looking at... is not the best... but also not the worst and it certainly is way too expensive... but then that is everything close to New York... at least that is what I heard.

Joy owns 62 fish... and moved in with Charles.

Joy: "35 years ago, you sat in my makeup chair, and I thought to myself, 'This man dies alone'. And now, look at us. Shacking up."

C: "Do I look like a guy who can rap?"

RIGHT! THE WHITE ROOM!

Lmao, Mabel taking to Howard about sweaters...

Joy is a freak.

Mabel does has old woman energy.

The next person who is the red herring is Joy...

Right, the one person texting Mabel is Cinda!

lmao, Charles trying to sell the omlet making as a choreo...

Mabel teaming up with Cinda would be a good career move for both tbh. But Cinda is a bitch...

Charles, the last time you lived with a woman she broke your heart.

Oliver and Charles are besties!!

... awful that Charles gets into the white room at that moment with Joy...

lmao... Charles thinking "not again!!" and "help me!"

[arsenalgbt]

"If Declan wants him to be there, he will ask. But not today"

CURRENTLY READING BUT HAD TO COME YELL ABOUT THIS SPECIFICALLY CAUSE LIKE I SEE THURSDAY DRINKIMG AS A SACRED WDBS THING (I HC THAT IT ORGINATED DURING UNIVERSITY DAYS BC THURSDAY WAS THEIR GOING OUT NIGHT) BUT HAS DEC EVER PROPERLY COMMUNICATED THAT TO KAI IF WE MAKE IT CANON? DOES BEN TELL WILLO ABOUT WHEN THEY GET TOGETHER? HAS KAI ATTENDED BEFORE? WILL WILLO? WHEN DEC CALLS KALVIN, DO HE AND/OR BEN HAVE TO SKIP A THURSDAY AS A RESULT OF THE FALL OUT LEAVING KTTROSSARD TO AN UNPLANNED DATE NIGHT? IM GOIJG BACK TO READ. SORRY FOR YELLING. INTERLUDE IS SO GOOD. I AM OBSESSED WITH YOU AND THIS FIC. HAVE MORE TO SCREAM ABOUT SOON.

-💙🤍 KT ANON (WHO IS CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING LOTS OF THOUGHTS)

*cracks knuckles*

yes, Thursday drinking with WDB is 100% sacred for them four. yeah can do lol it originated from their uni day - but in my head they had this ritual after they graduated and got jobs~

kai deffo has attended Thursday drinking with WDB! he's the best drinker after KT, actually :D they both can handle their alcohol well. BUT for sure kai attended like once or twice AFTER he and Declan started having sex LMAOOO YA FEEL ME??? before consummating their marriage, kai has only ever been to a Sunday roast at the Tierney household~ (and maybe a shopping extravaganza with ben)

willo will attend in the future~ when he and ben are like getting serious 'serious'

LMAO I THINK BEN SKIPS THEIR THURSDAY DRINKING AFTER DEC FOOLISHLY CALLED KALVIN. dec showing up ready with an apology but eh.

damn ktrossard unplanned date night. im afraid that's when they get the scare of conceiving their fourth baby when their youngest is just 13 months old or something LOL (but it's just a scare)

:D

okay!!!!! I'm ready for more! really loving ur incoherency lolllllllllll THANK YOU THANK YOU

[ginevrastilinski-ocs]

Just- More about Esme. I'm a Descendants Stan

Esme! She's one of my new babies, so I don't actually know that much about her, but I can tell you some things!

Two things I know for sure: she's Edgar Balthazar's daughter and she's a cat lover. I also know that her and Carlos are going to be besties because... animal lovers with shitty parents that hate their favourite animals! (Yes, just for that lmao)

Not really sure about her LI... if someone have some ideas!

I really don't know that much other than that. I know that her main colours are red and white. I know that she's going to be in D2, but I'm not sure about the first one (that's because I'm not sure if I want her to be one of the VK selected by Ben).

Oh, one thing that I know is that she's amazing with kids! She have this big shed (I don't know what else to call it...) where every kid with shitty parents (read: every kid on the Isle) is welcomed! It's like... one of the neutral places on the Isle because everyone knows that nobody fucks with Esme's kids lol.

I really don't know what else to say about her, sorry 😅