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mother-above · 1 year ago

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All the Time in the World

Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel and his family are reminded that even fae don't have all the time in the world.

*I've made some edits! (nothing major)

Warnings: fluff, angst, death, swearing, grief (this is my formal apology to you all)

*masterlist*

Everything happens for a reason.

Those are five words people say to cope and rationalize why bad or good things happen. Azriel, Rhysand, Cassian, Morrigan, and Amren are no strangers to those five words. They thought about it daily, sometimes it was their first thought after waking up. You were always in their dreams, sometimes frolicking in a meadow, they wouldn’t see your face, but they knew your body, how your hair blew in the wind, how your arms lifted to feel the sun's warmth. Sometimes you were the main character of their dreams. So vibrant and full of life while tugging their hands to make them hurry and keep up with you whether it was running errands in Velaris or on a mission.

Sometimes, they would whisper, “Everything happens for a reason” before they slept. They would go about their day and even if it were filled with love, happiness, and laughter there was always a missing piece, a void that could never be filled.

You were an enigma. So powerful, so enchanting, the nobles in Hewn City knew to keep you hidden away. But someone like you could never go unnoticed, especially when you could manipulate the elements. You’d been surrounded by earth and rock all your life. You just knew there was something more, you felt it when you touched the granite walls, the stone told you of the sun beating down, of the wind and water that battered the outer layers of the mountain.

Fae with your powers could never be contained for too long, the Court of Nightmares was a prison you were bound to escape. The nobles trained you like a warrior, Keir hoped to use you to usurp the High Lord, but he acted too late, your power had grown.

When Rhysand became High Lord, he caught wind of your presence, a flourishing beacon of power trapped underground. Rhysand, Azriel, and Cassian took it upon themselves to investigate where this power was coming from. When they landed on the mountain, they were met by a female who paid no attention to the Illyrian warriors.

Your head was thrown back as you savored the hot kiss of the sun for the first time. Around you was granite rubble, and when they looked fifty feet to the right, a gaping hole came straight from the mountain's depths. You had dug yourself out and the Illyrians had no idea how.

Finally acknowledging the three brothers, you eyed the male with violet irises. “They told me your name is Rhysand. That I have to kill you.”

Azriel and Cassian’s siphons flared as they drew their weapons and pointed them menacingly toward you.

That was the first time you met the young High Lord and his brothers. All it took was for Rhysand to read your unguarded mind to see what you are and how you’ve been raised. To Azriel and Cassian’s surprise, Rhysand invited you to live with them. Shortly after that, you were acquainted with Morrigan who you’ve seen around before, and this ancient creature named Amren. The six of you became a family that supported each other through thick and thin. Under their care, you developed your powers and could manipulate nature's elements in any way you could imagine.

Your type of power has never been seen before and you were dangerous only when you needed to be. Despite your rough upbringing, you were good, you were the sunshine that graced every room you entered. The only unstable part of you was how your moods could sway the environment around you, like the time that idiotic male cheated on you, and landslides affected the mountains around Illyria. On your 250th birthday, the inner circle threw you a surprise party and you were so happy, the next few days were unusually warm and sunny for the middle of winter. There was also that time Cassian pissed you off during training for pushing you too hard, a bolt of lightning and thunder cracked right above the House of Wind’s training ring. You don’t think you’ve heard Cassian scream like that before.

One would think the High Lords of the other courts hated you, but they didn’t. Yes, you were a threat because you were another powerful individual who was loyal to Rhysand, but they couldn’t hate you, it was impossible to. Amren credited you for being the reason the other courts haven’t waged war on the Night Court, your presence was soothing, and you had a way to compromise like no other. You were such a good courtier that Beron tolerated you. It also didn’t help that your laughter was infectious, Thesan and Helion made sure you were invited to every big event.

You were accomplished, sociable, and a capable elemental manipulator but you always thought your greatest achievement was bringing Azriel out of his shell. At first, the shadowsinger was apprehensive about you living with them but that quickly changed, his shadows found you interesting and you coaxed him out of the shadows. In a way, he felt obligated to help you, all your life was spent in Hewn City and even then, you were more isolated than Morrigan. He knew you were stuck in the darkness, and he wanted to show you the light. At the time, he didn’t know he needed you more.

Azriel loved to replay the memory of taking you on your first flight tour of Velaris, you gripped his neck and shoulders as you shrieked in glee. He would never be able to forget how your scent overwhelmed him that day, pine and cherry blossoms forever embedded in his consciousness. He landed by the Sidra, and you leaped from his arms and headed straight to the water. You slipped the sandals off and dipped your toes into the cool water and a wide grin spread across your face.

“Azriel! Come here!”

He obliged, he found it difficult to say no to you. He stood by the bank and found comfort from the sound of rushing water. All was calm until water splashed his shirt, and his eyes snapped open to see you with a mischievous smile, perfect spheres of water floated above your hands. With a flick of your wrist, they collided with his body, the water sticking his black shirt onto his muscular torso. You had approximately 2 seconds to admire him before a large splash headed your way. Azriel grinned as he watched you stand there in shock.

“Don’t start things you can’t finish,” smirked Azriel.

Then the water fight started and the two of you never gave up, it was elemental magic versus a strapping warrior. You called a truce and both of you walked to the townhouse soaking wet, Mor wouldn’t let you into the house till you stopped dripping so you and Azriel sat on the front steps and watched faeries of all kinds pass by. Azriel caught himself smiling at you whenever you talked, he felt safe with you, like you would never judge him for his scars or dark past. He found it easy to talk to you, you never pressured him to talk like his brothers and Mor would do. Over time, one glance was all it took for you to understand what he needed.

The two of you danced around each other for decades, neither of you brave enough to take the next step. You saw Rhysand and Cassian as your brothers but when it came to Azriel, it felt different, there was unspoken tension, a different love that ran deep and made you blush. Every time he brought a female home, jealousy filled you and the clouds became grey and stormy. Azriel felt the same way when you started dating. No one ever stuck for more than a few months, but he hated every one of the males, they would never be good enough for you. What stung the most was Azriel didn’t think he was good enough for you either.

One day, you and Morrigan were sitting at the table having breakfast. She remembers this day so clearly because she had never seen you blush that color red. Azriel stopped by to eat a banana before training, Morrigan watched you not so discreetly check Azriel out in his Illyrian leathers. When he was done eating, Azriel threw you a wink before he bounded up the stairs to the training ring.

“Have you guys fucked yet?”

You choked on the yogurt causing you to have a coughing fit. “Mor!” you hissed. “Why would you ask that?”

“The two of you work well together, you understand each other.”

You shrugged as you drank water. “He’s my best friend, how else am I supposed to act around him?”

Mor looked at you incredulously. “Do best friends check each other out? Give each other massages after a long mission? Lay their heads on each other’s laps when they read? Kiss each other on the cheek constantly? Fall asleep together on the couch? Do they-”

“Okay!” you exclaimed. “You’ve made your point!”

Your cheeks and ears were cherry red, they burned as you stared at your breakfast.

“The two of you are single right now. I think you should tell him how you feel. Azriel… is Azriel, I think he’s too scared to make the first move, he’s always been more insecure,” said Mor.

“What if he says no and I ruin our entire relationship?”

Mor looked at your beautiful features and softly laughed. “He would be lying to himself.”

A week later, you finally dared to talk to Azriel about your feelings. He was standing on the balcony nursing a glass of whiskey, staring at the distant storm clouds. You leaned against the railing and looked at him, your heart pounding.

“Are you okay?” Azriel focused on you, his eyes scanning for anything amiss.

You breathed deeply and fully turned to him. “Azriel… you’re my best friend and I wouldn’t want to change a thing, but I want more and… I think you do too.”

Azriel stared at you, his eyes wide as he tried to convince himself that this wasn’t a dream.

“Oh, gods. You don’t feel the same way and I just ruined everything, haven’t I?” Your hands covered your face as you spun around to make a run for it.

Scarred hands clamped down on your shoulders and moved you to face him. Gently peeling your hands away from your cherry-red face, he smiled as his hands cupped your cheek. “You didn’t give me time to process.”

Your lips parted in shock. “So you want more?”

Azriel leaned closer to you, his breath blowing across your face. “I want to be with you.”

Going on your toes, you met him halfway. He remembered how soft your lips were, how you tasted like the wine you had been drinking to gather your courage. Your arms wound around his neck to pull him in closer, his large hands grabbed your waist and lifted you to sit on the railing.

A giggle stopped him from kissing you. “I might fall!”

Azriel’s arms wrapped around your body. “Then I’ll catch you.”

You beamed at him and Azriel’s heart felt full, you were the light he had been chasing all his life. He pressed his lips against yours and you melted against him, a small moan of contentment escaped your lips and Azriel grinned. He needed to hear that sound from you again.

“Ahem.”

You leaned to the side to see Amren smirking at the two of you. “Fucking finally. I thought we’d have to wait two hundred more years for this to happen.”

Azriel growled. “Is there a reason why you’re interrupting us?”

“High Lord Kallias sent out a distress message, I don’t know what kind of emergency so be prepared for anything. We leave in 5 minutes.”

Azriel let out a frustrated sigh and laid his head on your shoulder. “Such bad timing.”

Your fingers went to stroke the hairs on the nape of his neck. “I know,” you purred. “We can finish this when we get back. We’ll talk more about our future and what we want.”

Azriel lifted himself and looked in your gaze, so warm and full of life. The pad of his thumb ran over your bottom lip and that’s when he felt it. That golden thread unraveled itself and snapped into place. He was startled as he looked at you, your features oblivious to the mate bond.

He blinked as he realized it had yet to snap for you. You looked at him with so much adoration that for once in his life, he didn’t doubt your feelings. Your eyebrows scrunched when you noticed a shift within Azriel.

“Nothing,” he said as he pecked your cheek and helped you down from the railing. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“Okay, we have all the time in the world,” you said as you tugged his arm to get ready.

How the enemy was able to transport a Middengard worm to Winter Court still made faeries scratch their heads to this day. There were also enemy soldiers to worry about, but Rhysand ordered you to help with the monster. According to Rhysand, it was the largest he had ever seen, and its skin was thick and impenetrable. It was getting closer to the city and no matter what the courts shot at it, it never faltered. You joined Kallias and the other fae with ice-manipulation powers to do anything to get the worm away from the city. You slammed a foot down onto the ground and the frozen earth shot upwards hundreds of feet into the sky, creating a barrier for the city.

Kallias grinned at you, and you threw him a wink, you loved using your powers. Running full force toward the worm, you conjured large razor-sharp spears from the snow and made them jut out in the ground in hopes the Middengard would impale itself. It turned out you all severely underestimated the creature, it grew in height and then slammed itself onto the earth allowing it to burrow and move underground. Your jaw dropped in horror as it quickly made its way to the city, the wall you built would not be able to withstand its power. You looked at the gleaming lights of the city and your heart dropped. There were millions of faeries in danger.

Your mind whirred as you looked at all your options and the only thing you could think of didn’t look too good for you.

Rhysand could still remember the panic he felt when his Daemati talons slammed against your thoughts. You were so concentrated; your mental walls were halfway down.

Please don’t do that! It’s too dangerous, there must be another way.

Rhysand’s fae sight let him see your soft smile, your eyes already lined with silver tears.

That’s a whole city, Rhys. you would do the same. Thank you for everything. Tell Azriel I love him.

Rhysand started screaming your name but that didn’t stop you from sprinting toward the Middengard and getting as close as you could. The moment you could detect the worm underneath you, you let out a strangled scream as you used every ounce of your power. Your arms were lifted and when your hands tightened into fists, the earth around you and the worm caved inwards. The giant earth wall that blocked the city crumbled down as you used all the materials available to bury yourself and the Middengard into the depths of Hel.

High Lord Kallias will never forget the sounds of your family screaming for you, he could still hear it in his nightmares. He remembered Morrigan throwing up and the spymaster dumbfoundedly staring into the soil you disappeared in.

***

Your death shattered the inner circle’s life, they were never able to recover your body making them feel even worse. It was too deep into the earth; the High Lords couldn’t even sense the Middengard worm. Amren had stayed behind to guard Velaris, so she was the last one to find out. No one had ever seen Amren cry but when her family winnowed in without you, looking shaken and pale, she crumpled onto the floor and let out a wail that shook the townhouse. Rhysand built a beautiful memorial for you by the edge of the city, and upon Azriel’s request, it was placed near the Sidra.

Everything had turned upside down. It rained for a whole month, and it certainly helped no one's mood. The day you died became a court holiday, the people of Velaris mourned you, even some in Illyria and Hewn City. Every year on your death anniversary, the High Lords came to visit your memorial, they brought flowers or expensive bottles of wine that you liked. Tamlin never showed up, but he always sent a courtier to deliver an extravagant wreath made of spring flowers bursting with color. You had once complimented the peonies that lined his estate and he never forgot about it.

Every time Azriel opened his eyes in the morning, he wished for sleep because, in his dreams, you were still alive. Your favorite phrase in the world was “Everything happens for a reason”, it helped you cope with your childhood and the inner circle had adopted it as their mantra. Azriel hated it. He refused to believe that what happened to you was written in the stars. He hated that you had to sacrifice yourself. Why you? Why his mate? He had loved you for so long yet so much time was wasted on others when you could have been together. The pain he felt when the golden thread disappeared was unlike anything he had felt before. Azriel thought he was dead until he saw the earth cave in with you in the middle of it. His shadows were screaming but he was numb, he couldn’t believe you were gone just like that.

Azriel swore the birds had stopped singing in Velaris, his family thought he was crazy but then they noticed it too. There were these songbirds that sang every morning and if you heard it, you whistled back and they’d respond. It was like the natural world knew you were gone. Life without you was dull, the stars didn’t shine as bright, and the sky wasn’t as blue as it used to be.

Like most things, time was the only remedy. With each year that passed, the pain slowly became bearable. Azriel was encouraged to see other people after a hundred years had gone by but nothing went past the first date, no one was ever going to compare to you. He couldn’t touch another female without feeling sick.

The inner circle had gone through so much since you died, and like clockwork, Cassian went to your memorial to sit and give you updates every week.

‘Rhys is stuck Under The Mountain. Azriel is being a pain in the ass about going to Illyria. Rhys came back from Under The Mountain. Azriel misses you. Rhys found his mate but she’s with Tamlin. Feyre threw a shoe at Rhysand. He met Feyre’s sisters. We miss you. A war with Hybern was coming. I have a suspicion my mate is Nesta Archeron. The High Lords are having a meeting and we all wish you could be there to contain everyone. I was forced to see Bryaxis, again.’

Sometimes Cassian came with other members of the family but most of the time, it was just him talking to you.

One day, Rhysand brought Feyre to your memorial, and she gasped at how beautiful it was. Using his Daemati powers, he showed his mate his most precious memories of you. You had befriended a beast in the mountains of Illyria. It was a horned creature and Rhysand had almost obliterated the monster but your delighted laugh stopped him. Yes, the beast was running at you but Rhys failed to notice your outstretched arms and bright grin. You were never scared.

Feyre squeezed Rhy’s hand as she admired the fresh flowers and gifts that were placed around.

“She was so beautiful and so kind-hearted. I wish I met her.”

“Me too,” he whispered. “You would have loved her.”

The war with Hybern was brutal. If you were still there, you would have tipped the scale and Prythian would have been winning from the get-go. Amren had to unbind herself from her body to save everyone, she was scared in her last few moments but then remembered how selfless and brave you were. The war was over but then Rhysand passed as well, sacrificing himself for the greater good, your last words to him ringing in his ears.

Feyre begged the High Lords to revive her mate and they did, her anguish reminding them of the loss they all felt when a certain Night Court member had passed. With Rhysand alive, he nodded toward the Cauldron, telling them that Amren was there too. Morrigan and Varian fished her out and Amren came out sputtering and desperately trying to gain control of her body. She kept coughing up water, so she furiously pointed to the Cauldron.

“What is it?” cried out Morrigan.

Silver tears started streaming down Amren’s face as she attempted to crawl. “I saw her, she’s in there!” she said desperately. “Get her out before she drowns!”

Every faerie looked at her like she was crazy. Who else would be in there?

Her head swiveled around until she locked into Azriel’s gaze. “She is in there.”

Azriel’s legs carried him toward the Cauldron and not a second later, Morrigan joined him as they blindly reached in. Morrigan started swearing as she felt a limp arm in there, finding the torso, Azriel helped heave the body out of the Cauldron. The female's body thrashed as she coughed out all the water she had swallowed. The High Lords and their courts burst into chaos when Azriel brushed the female’s hair off her face.

Still dressed in Illyrian leathers, there you lay sprawled and gasping for air.

a/n: thank you for reading! please let me know what thought in the comments! xoxo

Part 2

#azriel x reader #azriel fanfic #azriel x you #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fanfiction #azriel angst #azriel acotar #acotar fanfiction #azriel x y/n #rhysand #cassian acotar #amren acotar #morrigan acotar

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can-ya-guess-my-curent-obsession · 8 months ago

Note

Murdoc with a spouse that loves and cares for him very much?

Murdoc with a very loving, and caring GN!S/O

Authors Note: I truly did not think I would get a request so fast, but I'm happy I did

[Other note: sorry is formatting weird, I'm doing this on my phone, cuz my internet on my laptops acting like a bitch. But I really wanted to start working on this.]

Requests: closed

Edited: No :,)

Pairing: Murdoc x GN!Reader

Phase: unspesified

I'll edit the text green tomorrow, rn I need to go to bed... also I might add more later but I am tired af

TW: Kinda angsty, murdocs got issues, swearing, jealousy, trust issues, mentions of murdocs drinking, unhealthy coping, bad communication, if I missed any do tell!

once more, love? who's that?

This man's never met them in his life

But seriously like I've mentioned before Murdoc does not handle kindness well

He doesn't think highly of people and often think they have bad intentions

So he often thinks people are either using kindness as some underhanded tactic

Or that their stupid cuz their nice

I feel like a broken record at this point but Murdoc was not raised in a environment that fostered an environment that encouraged him to care for others, it was kinda a man eat man world, and it made him very self centered

So he has a very hard time grasping at the idea of caring for anyone else but himself

And again same goes with being nice, in his world being nice got him no where so in his eyes those who are nice are incompetent

But either way nice people, caring people, love- make him mega uncomfortable and nervous

So his S/O like I've said in past he's break down some walls

when his S/O starts being real loving and caring at the start of the relationship, it honestly sets off alarmbells for him

He thinks your up to something your not, he's just paranoid

but another part of him soaks it up like a sponge

inflating his already inflated ego

he'll soak up praise and let you be as caring as you want, he's being treated like he deserves in his mind

that's until the voice inside his head starts spreading the little seeds of doubt

his trust issues bubbling up as your love is seeming more unconditional

It's unnerving really, people usually start acting less nice by now...

Your care is making him uneasy

And he'll cope at the start by making fun of you teasing you, and he has the tendency to take things to far at times

He can become aggressive if you make him feel too vulnerable too early in the relationship

it takes time for him to get used to more genuine love

He can't handle romantic or genuine intimacy

It scares him :(

So he copes HARD

Like it's sad to watch

Ways he copes: he thinks you doing things for him is you coming on to him, make fun of you if you say you love him, praise is met with teasing, ect

He doesn't nesisarly not like it, in fact if you stopped he'd get into his own head even more

And there is no short term solution, you just need to be patient and carful, he needs understanding and time

This is probably the first genuine relationship in his life

His relationship experience is mostly hook ups and hollow relationships that never lasted long

This is new and intimidating

The the shitty part is that he doesn't let you know that

His communication skills are trash and is scared to express his true feelings

Your kinda left to figure it out yourself(which isn't that much of an issue, it's obvious to his S/O that he has these issues with how he acts.

It's all about how you approach it, patience is key

As you break down these walls by continuously being there for him when he needs you, when his self destructive behavior gets the better of him

And he ends up piss drunk, hung over in the winnebago, relying on you to take care of him

It with times like these his trust in you grows and the more vulnerable he allows himself to be infront of you

And at some point you'll get their with all the walls broken(for you at least, he ain't letting anyone one else see him vulnerable)

And he'll be a greedy little bastard with your love

Honestly, your love turns him into a bit of a attention whore

But that comes at the price at him being intently jealous

Since a lot of walls had to come down at this point and Murdoc is generally just a very jealous person, he doesn't react well to what he perceives as someone receiving love that is ment for him

Acts like a piss baby, and saunters over and try and take the attention away from that insignificant person and on to him

He'll try and get you away from the person in a way that probably makes him look like a total dick and or if his actions get him in trouble or he can't separate you from the person he just pouts and whines as he attempts to get your attention

Once this man has S/O's love, I don't think he could live without it

"Love could you repeat that for me?" "I love you?" "Yeah, just like that, say it again?"

#murdoc x reader #gorillaz x reader #murdoc gorillaz #gorillaz #murdoc niccals #murdoc niccals x reader #gorillaz murdoc #x reader #Murdoc needs to go back to his therapist

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ohsoimaginari · 6 months ago

Text

i’ll be here | knj

synopsis: reader has had a very bad and kim namjoon, ever the angel, makes it all better

cw: angst (maybe a mild panic attack and toxic work environment and like one mention of namjoon dieting), fluff, established relationship, squint and it’s an idol au

fem!reader boyfriend!namjoon (tbh it can be gn because there aren’t any mentions of pronouns or anything specific)

words: 1536 (unedited)

an: absolutely not happy with the ending lmao i had no idea how to end this sorry in advance

“So what does this one do?” Namjoon asks as you neatly pat the face mask down onto his skin.

“It’s a rejuvenating face mask.”

He makes a sound of approval. “I can feel its effects already. Feel younger already.”

You giggle. “Oh really? So quickly?”

“Yeah. Can feel it in my heart too. But maybe that’s just you.”

“Stop making me laugh. I want it to sit properly,” you playfully scold between poorly suppressed giggles.

Once you’re finished, you get off his lap and plop on the seat next to him. “How long should it be on for?”

“Fifteen or so.” Your face lolls to the side and unsurprisingly find Namjoon already watching you quietly. He reaches for your hand and pulls it onto his thigh, gently toying with your fingers. Your heart swells at the touch and helps you forget about the day you’ve had.

As soon as you entered the door, you were met with your boyfriend’s concerned face in greeting. You were immediately filled with a wave of relief and frustration, and finally gave in to the overwhelming urge to cry.

Namjoon knew work had been incredibly stressful for you the past few weeks. Your supervisor barely made it easy for you. It seemed as though they were adamant on finding every little fault in every document you’d handed to them.

You’d vented out your frustrations to him at first and he was happy to lend a listening ear but overtime, he noticed you withdrawing and telling him less and less. Whenever he’d ask you about it, you’d always respond that you finally have everything under control and everything was fine now.

Truth is, if anything, you felt it had only gotten worse. The deadlines your supervisor set were getting more and more impossible to meet and oftentimes you were forced to pull all nighters—thankful your loving boyfriend wasn’t home most times to see you do so as it would only increase his worry. That’s something you didn’t want to do.

You already knew he had a lot on his shoulders and felt as if you would be burdening him with your own problems and so you made the decision that you’d handle everything yourself from now on regarding work and find other ways to cope. However, much to your dismay, It was nearly impossible and soon you found yourself at a breaking point.

Namjoon had been texting you throughout the day to check in but you hadn’t responded.

You’d locked yourself in the bathroom, allowing yourself five minutes to cry before going back to work; something you’d been doing for the past week or so.

You’d stared at Namjoon’s recent text, your hand shakily hovering over the keypad but your mind wouldn’t cooperate on what to say in response.

Ultimately you found yourself dialling his number and placed your phone to your ear. “Baby?” The warmth in his tone, albeit worried, generated fresh tears.

“Will you be home today?” you asked. You hated how small your voice came out. You even thought there was no way he could’ve possibly heard you.

“I’ll come home,” he said in soft reassurance which only made you sob in return. You hated bothering him but you couldn’t help that you needed him right now.

Once you hung up, you took in a deep breath to calm your nerves and prepared yourself to get through the long day ahead which was why when he gathered you up in his arms later on upon your arrival, you didn’t protest.

You held on to him as if letting go would cause you to fall apart and fully sobbed into him. Namjoon had moved you both to the sofa with you on top as he allowed you time to let it all out. He softly stroked your arm as he whispered soothing words into your hair. You thought you’d feel embarrassed.

In the two years you’d been dating, you don’t recall a time you’d ever let him see you like this. Sure, you’d had bad days but none that have gotten to you the way today had. You didn’t feel embarrassed. All you felt was momentary relief to finally let it all go in a safe space.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You shook your head.

Today had been exceptionally difficult and your supervisor’s words still rang clear in your head. You wanted nothing more than to forget.

Namjoon knew the protocol for when you didn’t want to talk. He lay you down on the sofa, kissing your temple before he disappeared into the bathroom. It wasn’t long after where you heard the running water filling the bath.

You didn’t know when it happened but he’d come back and he’d gathered you in his arms again, you still sniffing and choking back sobs. He helped you undress and also with setting you in the warm water. He’d run you a bath with dried rose petals floating on top and what smelled like clary sage bath oil.

“Join me?” you’d asked him, although it sounded more like a plea. Your lower lip still quivered as you hugged your legs tightly to your chest and looked at him from where he was sitting. He nodded and got undressed himself before sitting behind you and enveloping you in his arms.

You both leaned back as you enjoyed the water, your tension already leaving your body in his arms. You closed your eyes and sighed, melting deeper in his embrace and the bath.

Namjoon would occasionally pour water on your body and place small kisses on your temple, neck and shoulder. You felt like for the first time the whole day—the whole week—that you could breathe again. You couldn’t remember the last time your heart gave such a steady and practiced beat.

Once you both had finished and the water had turned cold, Namjoon got out of the bath and helped you out as well, wrapping you in a towel before leading you to your bedroom.

You’d gotten dressed and felt infinitely lighter than when coming through your door earlier which was how you found yourself on the couch with Namjoon, asking him to join you in your nighttime skincare routine. It had been the first time he’d heard the playful tone in your voice in what felt like forever and so he happily obliged.

He’d gone out of his way to ensure it stayed that way, cracking jokes which made you cackle and bury your head in his neck in embarrassment. Namjoon joined in and both of you were giggling messes by the time you’d finished applying the mask and sat in comfortable silence as you were currently, enjoying each other’s presence.

You knew Namjoon’s mind was racing with questions he wanted to ask you about your day, about why you hid it away from him, about how he could help you solve the problem but you knew he held himself back and would wait for you to approach him.

You lean in and place a tender kiss on his cheek—or at least on the face mask, his dimpled smile in response warming you ever more.

“Thank you.”

“I’m always here. No matter what,” he says earnestly which only tugs more at your heartstrings.

Fearing you’d burst into tears again, this time because of your overwhelming love for this man, you simply nod and resume your position next to him.

“Do we still have ice cream?”

Namjoon thinks. “Just enough for tonight, I think. I’ll grab it and we can eat it while watching a movie or a show. Whichever one you prefer.”

“You don’t have to join me. I know you’re on a diet again.”

Namjoon shrugs. “I’ll just spend more time in the gym. My baby needs me tonight.”

You playfully roll your eyes before grabbing the remote from the table in front. From the mischievous twinkle in your eyes, Namjoon already knew what you’d choose. He groans.

“I heard the new season of Love is Blind was worth watching,” you pout at his resigned posture.

Namjoon sighs as he rescinds himself to the inevitable. “I’ll go get the ice-cream.”

“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it. You get more invested than me!” You call after him as he makes his way to the kitchen.

“No, I get more invested for you,” he jokingly corrects once he returns with the tub and two spoons in his hands.

He sets them down on the table in front. He hands you a spoon while he takes the other. He gathers some on his spoon and is about to dig in when he notices you waiting with your mouth open. It’s his turn to roll his eyes as he places his spoon in your mouth with the ice cream intended for him but you see his expression soften as you gleam at him.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“I’m glad I have you to make me feel better,” you tease.

He smiles and brings your hand to his lips to kiss it and as you both settle down for a cosy night in, you couldn’t be more grateful for the man who’d always be there for you when you need him most.

once again so sorry for this ending 😭

until next time, stay safe everyone 🩷

#namjoon #kim namjoon #kim namjoon x reader #kim namjoon x y/n #namjoon x reader #namjoon x y/n #namjoon imagine #namjoon fluff #bts imagines #namjoon imagines #bts fluff #kim namjoon imagine

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mxmarsbars · 2 months ago

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I remember a bit ago you said that c!impulse has OCD and I was curious if you’d talk more about it.

yes i did say that!! i can totally talk about it a little bit more :D

it really jumped out at me after watching his wild life and seeing him behave in ways that i find myself behaving (experiencing paranoia, doing odd things to soothe said paranoia, having thoughts that have no sound proof in reality, etc)

for example, his routine of standing under things whenever a new wildcard was called. his obsession was the idea of “creeper rain”, and his compulsion was to hide beneath things.

i like to think a lot of his obsessions revolve around objects and events. he’ll organize things in certain ways, always prepare for things well before he needs to, and is prone to frequently checking his pockets and bags (“just in case”, he says).

a lot of it also feeds into his perfectionism. between that and the way his brain functions, he often finds himself freaking out over things if they don’t work out exactly how he wanted them to. like if his texturing on a building is off or if he built something too far to one side. he will spend hours upon hours tweaking it to make it perfect so his brain can finally rest.

(remember the whole pyramid fiasco in season seven? this man moved an entire build up ONE BLOCK because it felt wrong. if that’s not a prime example of OCD, i don’t know what is)

this is also why i think his character has issues with texturing his builds. i act a similar way whenever i have to make art look “random.” there’s just this mental block in my head that i feel like he experiences as well, hence why it’ll sometimes take him multiple attempts to texture things in a way that doesn’t feel “wrong.”

in my head, he was unmedicated for the LONGEST time, so it took him a little while to find a medication that actually worked for him. and while it doesn’t ease his symptoms completely, it does help him handle them a little better. which he’s VERY grateful for, considering OCD can be debilitating if you’re unable to cope with it.

i also headcanon that players’ usual medications aren’t given to them in the death games because the watchers want to see their most “authentic selves”, hence why his OCD was particularly bad in wild life (the environment he found himself in certainly didn’t help, either).

but yeah :D that’s just a little insight into that specific headcanon ^_^

#the box #impulsesv #trafficblr #hermitblr

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azurlily · 1 year ago

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Guess whose not dead?!

(This is an actual post with a character, just scroll down to the pink bow if you don't want to read this.)

I was in and out of the hospital for a long time. I'm sorry I haven't been writing, but I'm doing so much better. I've closed requests so I can catch up on the ones I currently need to do.

I also wanted to mention some of the newer works(that AREN'T being requested) that I plan to make will probably be either smut or darker stuff. It's a way for me to cope and I enjoy writing altogether.

Yandere!CEO x Fem!Reader

Morena(yan!ceo) x fem!reader

Synopsis: You're a young woman working in the tech industry, you know people(mostly men) don't take you seriously. Due to the constant stress of needing to be better (just to be considered good) you are constantly anxious and jittery, you've also developed a depressive mindset and you consistently struggle with taking your medication.

You just got a new job by a large, female owned, tech company! You thought you'd feel better and you wouldn't have to deal with a toxic environment. You were dead wrong; your boss is a bitch and expects constant perfection and no less. You were just barely able to make it under her radar, until she starts going through files- and you find yourself in her office with a deal you just aren't allowed to refuse.

Not like you can refuse a demon after all?

TW: Non-consensual kissing and physical touch, somewhat mentions future kidnapping.

The reader is kissed(while under a spell that takes away will-power from their body) and is forced to sign a contract against their wishes.

You stand quietly, with your hands in front of you- clasped together so tightly you'd think you were about to get in your knees and pray. But no, instead you were ready to beg to not be fired.

That's what this was right? You were getting fired and your horrible, asshole, bitch-faced boss wanted to say it to your face. You could cry, you almost did on the way here.

Yet as much as you wish you weren't in this situation, as much as you wish you could repent for whatever you did; you genuinely have no idea why you've been called here. You've never gotten a write up, all your reports are clean and bug free, and you work well with seemingly everyone.

You stand face forward, staring at the woman who decides wether you get to eat for the next month. The same woman who while you hate her, you can't -no you won't- deny her beauty. You-

"Hello?! Do you hear me or are you too busy pissing yourself to pay attention?"

You look down, wondering if you genuinely did pee yourself, only to see dry pants and floor. You look back up at her and she gives you the look of someone who both wants to laugh and yell(not in the good way).

You wondered if there was something who had tried to sue her for how rude she was. I'm sure there could be some sort of case, as long as there was proof. Hell, even witnesses would do.

"Sorry, ma'am. What exactly is it you called me for? Has my team done something wrong, did we miss some meeting, or did-"

She stands up, slamming her hand on the desk so loudly it echoes. You nearly jump out of your skin- was she going to hit you?!

"Be quiet. I can't handle you prattling on like a cow. I'm not firing you, nor am I firing anyone on your team. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Oh and please- call me Miss Morena. Thank you."

Oh she is definitely a condescending bitch.

You thought for a moment, 'quite the opposite'. So you aren't getting fired, hell you may be getting a raise! Maybe Morena wasn't so bad of a boss. Maybe she just likes hard workers.

"Thank you, ma- Miss Morena. If I may ask: does this mean I'm getting a promotion?"

Morena smiles, not the smile you give someone when they're right about something. The smile you give when you're a fox, and you've just cornered the bunny you've been trying to catch.

"Yes, a promotion of sorts. I actually have a contract for you, but I can give you the gist and read the rest to you later."

Morena pulls an inch thick stack of papers from the desk. She sets them aside with a pen and slowly steps out from the desk. Morena signals you to come closer, but you only take a few steps forward. You could practically feel how badly this situation was going to go.

As Morena got closer, you began to feel more compelled to make eye contact with her. Like someone was whispering into the back of you mind, telling you to look up. To look into the beautiful blue eyes that Miss Morena holds. To never look away; keep your eyes on hers.

Don't look away from me. I always get what I want and that isn't changing anytime soon, little rabbit.

"Well I've been looking over employee information and I noticed you moved from very, very many jobs before you got to this one. Never staying in one place. I never really liked people like that, and from what I've seen, people like that have done the same with my company. Now I hope -very strong word here- that someone with skills like yours wouldn't do something to this company. I hope that you'd stay, willingly of course. You would stay willingly, right?"

Of course you would, you never had any interest in leaving. You planned to stay past the one year mark, past the time where everyone would get raises in order to ensure you were getting a that this place was a good opportunity. You loved it here, you loved you teammates, your boss, you loved the office building itself.

"Of course I'm staying, Miss Morena. I would never leave."

The words coming out of your mouth felt robotic, they felt like you were lying to yourself and others. Like you were in your body, but you weren't the one speaking.

"Good girl, now go over to my desk and sign you name on all of those papers. Don't read them, you don't need to. You can put all your trust in me."

You did exactly as you were told, you signed every paper with you signature. You didn't even think, your body was moving like second nature. You had this warm feeling in your gut, this safe and controlled feeling. You like feeling like this- don't you?

You hear some shuffling behind you and yet you can't turn around to see what's going on. You only hear a voice.

"You know while your under I guess I can explain. You can't really yell at me or try to run away, so I can speak my peace. You're going to be the newest human I suck the life out of! But hey, for the next few months you'll get to live lavishly and without fear of anything. Other than me of course!"

Your brain registered what she was saying, but you couldn't respond. What were you doing to do? What could you do?

"Come here bunny."

You turn around and walk straight into Morena's arms. She gently grabs your face, you just noticed three of her fingers on her left hand have been filed down. Meanwhile the nails on her right hand, as well as her pinky and thumb on her left, are long and colorful.

Morena pulls you closer to her, her lips ghosting over your mouth. You feel her press her lips to yours and you get an overwhelming feeling of disgust wash over you. You feel nothing but utterly dirty as she kisses you, you feel like someone's just stabbed you and is trying to clean the wound to make themselves feel better about the act.

Your eyes are wide open the entire time, so you watch Morena go from kissing you deeply to pulling back in what looks to be shock. Her pupils dilate slowly, her eyes relaxing and you see nothing but black take over.

"Oh...oh you're much too sweet to kill."

Morena gently moves you head to the side pressing her tounge against your neck. You feel her shiver and watch as she pulls back with a dark smile on her face.

"I take back what I said about you enjoying these next couple of months. . . You'll get to enjoy such pleasures for the rest of your life. With me."

You let your body process her words this time, you don't know how to react. Instead you feel your eyes wet themselves, your expression hadn't even changed. And yet, you were crying. Morena notices almost immediately and you watch her face distort itself into a disdainful look of annoyance, until it twists into one of sadistic pity.

"Oh, shh, bunny. Hush now, stop those tears. I'll take the spell down once were home, in my home you wont be able to run away. So you can have a tantrum all you want there. I know you don't like me right now, you maybe even hate me, but give it some time. You'll realise you need someone, and I'm the best you'll be getting for the rest of your pathetic human life."

Everything goes black after that.

#wlw #lesbian #im bad at this #women are hot #female yandere #tw nonconsensual touching #lesbian yandere #yandere x reader #yandere #female yandere x reader #CEO!yan!Morena #yandere ceo #im not okay #im not sorry #im not dead #demon #yandere!demon

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inuxi · 7 months ago

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that ask was rude of me, i should've just blocked you instead of telling you about it, i'm sorry. i'm aroace and sex+romance repulsed, and i guess i thought alastor was gonna be something i could enjoy for once like everyone else gets to without feeling like i'm intruding on a conversation i have no right to be part of. i'm on ios so i can't use browser extensions to actually get rid of all the alastor ship posts like i want, and i'm not sure my problem even has a solution short of just giving up trying, because so far i have found exactly zero blogs that are 1.) still active at all, 2.) still post about Hazbin, 3.) aren't actually 12 years old, and 4.) don't post about fucking Alastor ships. i got so excited seeing such good, recent art i haven't nuked yet considering how old every other post i can still see is, and i'm not kidding when i say i sent that ask through tears. it was rude and unacceptable either way, and i'm sorry.

i've blocked over 200 different people and i'm not exaggerating that number even a little bit. i would rather put a gun to my head and pull the trigger myself than see them so much as breathe next to each other ever again. i am so. so so so so so sick of searching and searching and searching and finding nothing.

the thing i've learned from alastor's aroace representation is that not only is the world as a whole not made to accommodate me, fandom space isn't either. i am an alien on a planet i was never made to fit into, and i don't even get to escape that through fiction like everyone else does. no amount of filtering and blocking and searching will bring into existence a community for me that simply does not exist, and it is futile for me to try. that's what this fandom has taught me.

i think the chances of me sticking around in this fandom are slim, so at least it won't be an issue for anyone else anymore. i think being excluded from conversations about an aroace character sting a lot more than just not being represented at all to be honest.

Okay, listen.

First of all, Alastor is officially an Ace, NOT an aroace. That means he can still be interested in any romantic things or finding a couple. No one is stopping you from seeing him exclusively as an aroace. But shaming people who don't share your point of view is a bad idea.

Secondly, I am an aroace artist myself. Romantic and sexual themes are virtually non-existent in my art. I can joke about it, but almost all of my drawings explore completely different things. And you come to me and try to talk about how hard it is to feel socially comfortable being an aroace? I understand your worries, but, again, trying to shame other people because they don't share your point of view is NOT a healthy coping mechanism.

Third, I have done THREE drawings in all my time that include a romanticized Alastor. Two of them were collabs, and the third was asked to be drawn by people. And these three drawings made you give up on my art, which you said you really liked?

The community is too heavily oriented towards romantic and sexual themes, it's true. People like us are often uncomfortable in that environment, that's also true. But aroace people can't just come in and ban others from having fun just because we don't find that fun or interesting.

Man, I'm not even Alastor's artist! What the kind of Alastor shipper am I? And you picked me out of a thousand people to block? Oh my God, that's as funny as it is sad.

In case you haven't looked at my art, I am a Lucifer artist. I very rarely draw Alastor, simply because I don't find him interesting enough. And because of that, I find it so funny to be labeled an “Alastor shipper”

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abandonedquishe · 23 days ago

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I want in on the REAL Susie analysis 🙏

YOU DID THIS. IT'LL BE THE HOLY GRAIL OF YAPS.

Little Tw for child neglect, abuse and self-destructive behaviours

Susie is a very different character from most young monsters in Deltarune. Just from her outer appearance, you can tell she's messy, defensive, and careless. This is a great contrast from the average kid; even Kris, who's considered an outcast, has a more childlike aura than her.

Noelle is a good comparison model of what a child of her age should look like:

Hair: Both Noelle and Susie have the same length of hair. However, Noelle's is visibly more taken care of; she has it trimmed in layers, brushed, and out of her face. Susie, on the other hand, has hair with a bunch of flyaways that is obviously not styled with just the slightest trace of a past haircut, which she has already overgrown by the look of her bangs.

Clothes: Noelle has new, colourful clothes. They are formal and match, not to mention they're her size. Susie has baggy, dull clothes that have obviously gone through some wear and tear. Her shoes, too, are slightly too big and feel out of place if we consider the rest of the outfit.

Stance: Noelle has a visibly relaxed stance. Her head stands tall, her hands rest peacefully by her sides, and she's smiling. Susie's head hangs low, her hands are clenched into fists, and she has a serious expression on her face.

Interaction with others: Noelle is respectful, positive, and demure with her interactions. She's happy to interact and be vulnerable with others. Susie is satirical, cynical, and often uses foul language around people. She's used to roughhousing, even when she wants to express affection (as seen in chapter 2 when Ralsei shows her the room he made for her) and refuses to accept help despite needing it, reaching extremes such as becoming violent to keep others away (this is also shown in chapter 2 when she falls from the trash pile and Ralsei tries to help her, she's clearly in bad terms with the idea of being seen as weak).

These are her most noticeable traits, and the ones most people know her by. They all can be justified with a root problem, and oh boy, do I love the theory I'm about to show you. What I think of Susie is this: she comes from an abusive, neglectful household, which gave her violence and pain as her only defence and coping mechanisms. Her traits and other small cues can be justified with this theory:

Hair: Susie’s unkempt and overgrown hair suggests a lack of basic grooming, which children usually don’t manage on their own. Her parents either had bigger priorities or didn't classify a haircut as a need, so they left it unattended. This is a possible sign of child neglect, or lack of care by her parents. In my opinion, it’s not about fashion. it's about being forgotten or ignored.

Clothes: Susie may wear hand-me-downs, donation center finds, or simply clothing she’s outgrown but never replaced. The fact that her clothes are baggy, worn and dull suggests she either doesn’t get new clothes often or intentionally dresses in a way that’s meant to intimidate and deflect attention. This could reflect neglect neglect since no one is providing her with fresh clothes, poverty in case she isn’t able to afford them or emotional self-defence from trying to look unapproachable or keep a low profile.

Interaction with others: Susie lashes out quickly, uses sarcasm or intimidation as her first reaction, and doesn’t allow others to help her easily. This is classic trauma-based behaviour, especially in children who’ve learned that vulnerability leads to pain or deception. Her rough shows of affection like nudging Ralsei hard when he's kind to her are a result of not knowing how to express care gently. She might have grown up in an environment where emotional expression was punished or simply never modeled. Her sense of affection is physical, brash, and awkward because she’s never been shown how to do it safely.

This is connected with the last point, but lines like:

"Now I can stab myself during the night. Finally, some convenience."

"When I see a big pit, all I want to do is jump in."

"If it weren’t for the spikes, I would've impaled myself."

are very concerning to me. These kinds of behaviours often show a lack of care for safety or self-destructive tendencies in a person, and seeing them in someone so young is alarming, especially because they’re often learned.

Another point I want to touch is the fact Susie probably has PICA. She’s caught eating chalk outside of her class in chapter one, something Alphys says she’s repeatedly done before. The psychological disorder I‘m talking about makes individuals consume non-food substances. In children, pica is often associated with malnutrition, stress, trauma or poor supervision of parents. Other instances in which this is evidenced is how she eats moss with Kris and tree sap with Lancer (he is also a confirmed abused kid who could’ve developed similar coping mechanisms due to the poor diet his father provided for him btw, which could be the reason Susie bonded so fast with him).

We could also take the fact she’s never had a room of her own to justify the theory her parents have neglected her. She’s never had something that was truly hers; no belongings, no space of her own, not even an ounce of love or positive attention. I think this is one of the most important aspects to take in consideration.

If you take all of these points in consideration, Susie isn’t a childish bully, but a traumatised child who’s trying to survive after experiencing a very shitty childhood. I’m not justifying her actions, but I believe she targeted others to project the trauma she’s been through as a way to process it all. This is also probably why she’s chosen Kris to torment, their withdrawn attitude could remind her of the shy, quiet and surrendered personality of the little kid she once was.

#deltarune #susie deltarune #kris dreemurr #noelle #kris deltarune #Yapping

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squeakadeeks · 22 days ago

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Gigantic OC roadmap for my OCverses and characters

i have apromixatemy one million billion different characters and stories, but i have a few core OCverses that show up repeatedly so if youre wondering whos that dude and where he came from, this is the roadmap for that.

Delta:

Delta is about dreams and nightmares. The main conflict is about the dreaming kingdom trying to protect people from the waking world by trapping them in neverending, perfect dreams. Rem, Rhea, and Puck under the nightmare lord Raken, work to counteract the dreaming kingdom by waking people with nightmares. Its meant to challenge the idea of what we label as "good person" vs "bad person", and if you have someone who is a "bad person"....what do you actually....do with them? do you just shun them forever? stick them in a hole and forget about it? What happens if they feel remorse but cant change? Do you then ignore their bad parts and move on? What actually is 'unforgivable' and how would you actually forgive them?

The main characters are Rem, Rhea, Puck and Raken and I SWEAR one day I will draw the dream denizens too.

Alliacea:

Alliacea is about a magic island resort that slowly assimilates people into the environment based on their mental state. The main characters are trying to remain individuals and get off the island before it falls apart and sinks into the sea. I use this story to work out ideas about having to 'keep calm and carry on' in times of crisis and how to process social rejection/parts of yourself that are seen as unpalatable. (so sort of what we label as acceptable coping mechanisms vs ones we see as uncouth. for an example if I say, "I had lots of very bad things happen to me. as a result I have anxiety and prefer to keep my social circle small." are those problems I need to "fix" or is that just the way i am?).

The main characters are Pacific, Bohai, Lamerei, Mansoa, and Mrysin.

Transient:

Transient is intended to be an episodic comedy centered around ideas in math and physics. Although the comedy/education aspect takes the forefront, in the background the characters also wrestle with struggles like aging with severe depression. i approach it like a mash between space dandy + cyberchase + steven universe future. NGL its basically just a massive self insert about how i went to grad school and became a workaholic to deal with my depression and that worked when I was 23, less so when im now pushing 30 and have to figure out how to manage my depression all over again. The characters are Alpha, Cassiopea, Sulu, Function, and Splish the fish. Wilderwest:

Wilderwest is new, but it follows three different sets of characters exploring themes of Revenge, Redemption and Restoration. The first set is Alto and Cirrus as they go on a quest to find the vulture mother and restore stable weather to the land, then theres Furnace and Lignite as they race to stop their curse, and Sonnora and Sierra on a revenge vendetta to kill magical gwyneth paltrow. For Sonnora and Sierra its meant to dig into the concept of having to do a hard, bad thing thats against your nature for the greater good. Then for Furnace and Lignite its about guilt, shame and learning to live with yourself if youve done something horrible. For Alto and Cirrus its about the parts of yourself you need to change and adapt vs parts of yourself you want to hold onto and protect and when its worth sacrificing one for the other.

Weedwhacker man:

Theres not much "story" to this other than that this is what I call my bootleg chainsaw man OCs. its the same general rules as the CSM universe, but is not remotely canon compliant for both the timeline and tone. I take the system of devils, fiends, and public safety, but thats it. The characters are the Maw devil, The Microwave fiend, and their unfortunate human supervisor, Maeve. Stitch in the ditch:

Stitch in the Ditch takes place in a patchwork quilt world that’s falling apart. The realm is comprised of micro-biomes confined within their respective quilt patches. Within the fabric world there are people known as stitch witches who can see, manipulate, and craft with the fundamental threads that compose the quilt world to cast fiber-based magic, which they use to try to maintain the threads of their world. The whole story revolves around things degrading and falling apart, its about grief, chronic illness, responsibility and love/comfort. The characters are Pupet, Singer and Altan, then Husqvarna, Stitch, and Seam, and finally Brother/Rulon and the oose monsters.

#my art #this is long as hell but i also have a billion of these even leaving out some important ones so i might add to it later

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yermes · 4 months ago

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Hi baddies what big emotions are we feeling? 🌾

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Pick a meme

123

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Disclaimer: please take what I say with a grain of salt and not as the gospel. I just want to share some ideas of practicing and giving advice using the medium as often as I can with school, work, and my own personal studies and practice. But I am working on sharing my notes soon so that will be exciting! Liking and sharing does a lot 🥰

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Socials: My Socials **☾**

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The cards

IX of swords 🌾

Fear and anxiety! The worries which keep you up at night and bind us to the terror of our mortal coils. You are not only committed to your misery but it is bonded to you. I don’t think you can cope without the stress, but what is braver than someone is lowkey scared and stressed by everything to go out in the world day after day the only way to step out is to cross the boundary into the unknown time and time again till it is a matter of nature, the stress may never leave, the fear may never leave. But being able to cope with yourself is critical, take your time doing something new but start setting personal goals to accomplish. You can brave the day I believe in you. It sucks especially when any bad experience feels like the worst ever out come but I promise with time, the small blips wont be as bad.

X of cups 🪷

Damn babe, it’s finally working out for you! Enjoy it! You spent a lot of time and effort building these friendships they’re worth keeping. You finally achieved your dream blunt rotation no matter how big or small it may be. Its good to feel fulfilled in an emotional environment, achieving a good moment in the hell fire which is life is not an easy road to cross, lots of people cramp your vibe, and its not easy to find harmony in the world where we are just are dealing with our own shit frankly. You should make the most out of emotional fulfillment, go out, make plans, make a covenant to topple the government. Go wild.

Ace of wands 🌩️

Everyone has got to start somewhere in their personal spiritual lives. Be creative, do not listen to anyone else about what they say a spiritual life could be because a spiritual life and deadass look like anything. You can be as creative or as uncreative, but the most important thing is that it is true to you and your own deep and personal truths, its okay if you don’t have your own truths at the moment its okay to gain them in your life. It is also okay for your spiritual life and truths to change. Its okay as long as it is real and authentic to you. But starting taking a few baby steps to flesh out your mental world like shadow work and therapy is an okay step.

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Extras:

Story/vent:

Gods will I didn’t crash the fuck out in lab today

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artofchira · 11 months ago

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(an ask from my retrospring)

I can expand on it sure!

Perfectionism is best understood as an anxiety or trauma response for a need of control through trying to negate the inverse of it. In simpler terms, basically if you constantly control/manage away the flaws of something, then you're controlling the result to be the best possible quality.

Which sure sounds nice and practical, even strategic -- until you account that there is no result of whatever calibre that will be satisfying or accepted, because nothing can be without flaws or critical weakness.

That's why it's inherently a state of dysfunction, because it's not about chasing an acceptable result, because nothing will ever be accepted as good enough. If somehow a perfectionist does meet every standard they're going for, they'll simply move the goalposts so that it doesn't count, somehow. The point is to never be satisfied. It's a mistake to assume the perfectionist wants a good result. They don't know what counts as a good result even if they get it. At absolute worst, they will outright resent the idea of satisfaction because it means they're complacent and negligent over their own awareness.

The perfectionist mindset doesn't even recognize what they actually want, they just are highly aware of what they don't want, because what they don't want are markers of incorrectness or mistakes that is psychologically upsetting and reflective of whatever anxiety that's inadvertently being coped with.

I think perfectionism is very easy to develop growing up as a trauma response. Everyone recognizes a chaotic upbringing can make someone fall apart and reject any cohesive structure, and antisocial behaviors mark a symptom of a rough living environment -- but not many recognize it can actually make someone extremely hyper competent, and that in of itself is a symptom.

Basically, a child who seems extremely on the ball with getting perfect grades or scores, with over-managing things to the details and still being extremely nervous that it's garbage, and being hyper competent at things too advanced for their age -- all that are symptoms of trauma, because it's a response to trying to negate what's emotionally dangerous by controlling threats. Normally it's in response to parents either being overly harsh of any visible sign of under-performance, or an incentive structure where the child is only validated with attention if they over-achieve.

You may notice perfectionists kind of 'test' their results where if no one has anything critical to say (that they didn't already account for) then they have a sigh of relief. Not pride or happiness, just relief, because it means they passed the danger test. You'll also notice that if you point something that either they didn't notice themselves (or worse, they did but couldn't figure out how to work out the flaw) then they'll get extremely emotionally unregulated and fall apart in what looks like an anxiety attack. A flaw in their process instantly becomes a flaw in who they are as a person and everything they're about, and they fall into a panic of existential catastrophizing.

For myself, I absolutely fit this picture. I definitely am a compulsive perfectionist, though not really as bad as I used to be. My upbringing was extremely chaotic and unstable, and I grew up in a high-achieving family. Over-performing was rewarded and any kind of mistake or oversight was pointed out derisively.

It's why trying to assure a perfectionist something is good enough, it's fine, and that they don't have to achieve the highest form of standard -- it doesn't work. At all. That assumes they actually want that standard. They don't. A perfectionist wants to feel safe and in control, and so long as flaws exist, their emotional stability is threatened and left precarious, because it's leaving modes of vulnerability to potentially be used against them.

Though it's easy to develop, I also think it's not that difficult to train yourself out of it either. In my experience, it's not really about trying to teach yourself that flaws are to be accepted (if it was that easy, then it wouldn't be an issue in the first place), it's about training yourself to reward yourself with the results you do have, to understand what standards you actually want for yourself and going for. When you do that, you teach yourself to celebrate and feel satisfied by accomplishment, rather then rake yourself raw over something you don't even really know you want.

Basically, learning to recognize what you actually want for yourself, clearly define what those standards are, and feel extremely happy and celebrate yourself when you manage them. Much in the same way you solve a puzzle in a video game. No one beats themselves up for getting a 'game over', they just get more focused in trying to do whatever is needed to achieve the thing and get to the next part of the game.

#ask box answers

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howlsofbloodhounds · 9 months ago

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THANK YOU for pointing out that killer probably wouldn't be diagnosed with DID bc he was an adult when all the bullshit happened

As a system I am honestly kinda tired of people saying he has DID especially since alot of them can't even tell you what it means

Of course. I’ve heard from both singlets (people who aren’t systems) and systems both for and against the idea of Killer having DID/OSDD1/being a system/being plural, and as im not a system, im not gonna comment on or control how systems choose to interpret or headcanon Killer.

But I am of the belief that misinformation should avoid being spread—both of Killer’s canon (not only purely on the basis of not being true, but because if people start believing Killer is canonically a system/has DID/OSDD1 and also is a literal serial killer, that has an understandably bad rep but it may cause people to harass or spread rumors about rahafwabas that aren’t true), and of already misunderstood stigmatized disorders. It also has fantasy themes such as magic, souls, monsters, time travel, Resetting, coming back from the dead multiple times, etc.

Killer is a character involved in themes of heavy abuse (captivity, high control groups, kidnapping, labor trafficking, cult elements, organized crime, etc) and these are all elements that require nuance and care in depicting seriously and respectively—which can be hard to do while also having to keep in mind stigma surrounding the idea of “murderous” or “evil” alter(s)—because these types of abusive controlling environments very often require victims to partake in illegal or harmful acts and behaviors to survive. And this can also very easily to maladaptive coping mechanisms that aren’t easily understood or pretty.

So im of the opinion that if people want to write killer as if he is plural/system and aren’t one themselves, they should both do research and speak to any plurals/systems willing to help them out—and in the actual writing, avoid using terms associated with the actual disorders such as DID, OSDD1, alter, host, persecutor, etc.

Not only because 1. killer was an adult when the trauma and abuse happened, so therefore he’s unlikely to be professionally diagnosed with those disorders even if he shows symptoms and presentations similar to them, and 2. killer himself wouldn’t know what he has and wouldn’t use those terms in relation to himself and his experiences.

He is not in any position to seek diagnosis or treatment or support —under Nightmare and with Chara, he is surviving. He may have a chance of that with Color and the Chromatic Crew in the Omega Timeline, but again—unless this is deliberately an AU where all this trauma happened and stuff when he was an actual child—he likely wouldn’t be diagnosed with it.

So instead it’d be best to focus on his lived experiences regardless of what dissociative disorder one decides to write him with—and use the terms he applies to himself or ones he may apply to himself, such as his numbered hierarchical understanding of his SOUL and its Stages (either something he came up with to make sense of his own experiences, or something that was decided for him by external forces such as Chara or Nightmare.) and perhaps use words like “my stage(s),” “my other,” “my other half,” “when I’m like that,” etc.

And if the topic of Killer having DID ever comes up in the story, such as another character asking him or another Stage if he has it, dont feel the need to confirm it. Not only because Killer himself likely wouldn’t know, but also because he likely doesn’t exactly fit the full criteria for a diagnosis in a canon adjacent story where he was an adult when it all happened.

Of course that’s my opinion, not really important in the grand scheme of things—im not a system—but there it is. Systems, as always, can add and chime in as they wish—and correct any misinformation or misunderstanding if they want.

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doctoratecuddles · 4 months ago

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Something I find interesting about Kittycorn's few supporters is that they yell out "WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT COPING ACTUALLY IS!!! THIS WAS ALL PRIVATE BEFORE EVERYONE LEAKED THESE!!" when time and time again its shown that kitty has crossed the boundary of "coping" into fetishization and suibaits the minute it comes out. obviously, before anyone takes this ask in bad faith, I don't want kit to do anything drastic and hope she can get the actual help she needs that isn't people that feed into her addiction and enable her through discord. Kittycorn is in a really bad place, yes, but that does not excuse her weaving in dog whistles/code words, edited out dialogue and interactions that can bank off plausible deniability, and having teenagers work on her comic way after she herself was no longer a teen (not using the word minors to show how bad this actually is and not some "internet drama"). Kittycorn consistently has this victim mentality of "I'm a mentally ill so actually. i'm free from all blame" when that isn't the case and people, kitty included, aren't really getting it I myself am severely mentally ill and have been assaulted by a family member and the last thing I want to do is put the abuse I went through in my projects turning it "cutesy", what I would be doing is not coping, ESPECIALLY if I showed it to people and would have me stuck in that trauma silently stewing and essentially causing myself harm. What is also an issue Kitty's supporters don't really seem to get an idea of is what she was doing is essentially exhibitionism, even if you can excuse the content squeak showed the public, its still exhibitionism when shown to squeaks friends and wasn't really "private" as people claim it to be if former friends/team members can easily pull out things shes said/drawn. What kitty is/was doing isn't healthy and has far since crossed the line of "coping" and the excuse of trauma or the famous "my therapist said its okay" line these types of people like to use, i'm assuming its when its JUST you doing it in a safe controlled environment offline and not a platform (especially as big as Kitty's was). all in all, the constant enabling Kittycorn has gotten is actively harming her. even the "words of encouragement" saying that shes never done anything wrong despite multiple people coming out saying that what Kitty has done hurts since fen has been secretly fetishizing their traumatizing experiences in secret and getting off on having people beforehand being none the wiser interact with these characters, especially with Howie apparently being Ally/her fursona's step brother being romantic or Sly and Eve's far fetched "conflict" and drawing them making up and hugging. I wish the best for Kitty and hope she gets the real help she needs (or at least people that will call her out for her behavior) and that she doesn't do anything drastic.

POP OFF HOLY SHIT

#sparklecare #sparklecare hospital

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animalsalvationassociation · 10 months ago

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what do you guys like?

[ DO NOT REPOST, ALL ART & CONCEPTS WERE MADE BY ME ]

Illustration Time: 7hrs 4min

(More doodles n'stuff below the cut!!!!!)

Anon . . . Whoever you are . . . I am so sorry. For no reason at all my brain went into FULL panic mode every time I thought about your ask. I literally had a mid-life crisis over it, I’m not joking. (Also I didn’t realize until after it was drawn how grainy the jpeg ended up, that’s because I made the canvas a billion times smaller than usual! 😅 (Stupid Procreate, Stupid Math)

(I ultimately decided/forgot to actually add fish to the scene that's why there are bubbles instead. I'm not about doing extra work when it's literally 7hrs into the project)

Tunip Redesign (of a Redesign)??? 👀👀👀

It really went . . .

Shellington: Autistic Powers Activate!!!!

Tunip: Father they must know the holiness of the biscuit fish!!!

Fae: AHHHHHHHHHHH

Y/N: Not again . . .

Bonus:

(Poor Tweak has no idea what’s going on, Sry for the bad handwriting it’s 2:40am I’m not conscious enough to write well)

Note:

[ For context Fae *cough, cough* “me”, has major Thalassophobia/Aquaphobia (Fear of deep water/water itself “swimming, being near/in water, concept of deep water”). Which also plays well with my Galeophobia (irrational fear of sharks—yes yes I’ve heard everything and seen everything to justify sharks (orcas don’t help omg). I truly do love them and everything they do for the environment but just looking at pictures/videos of them sends me into a spiral. This is an actual fear stemming from childhood)

It’s actually been a real struggle in my life because I used to be such an avid swimmer when I was a kid. So this is my way of coping with my fear . . . by making fun of myself for comedic relief. You’ll see more of this play out in my doodles and anything involving Y.N. & Fae ]

In another life I may very well have been a Marine Biologist but nope, I get to work in a retail kids store at $10.50 an hour :)

Bonus of the Bonus:

(For fun, duh)

Y/N & Fae Refs

[ This is a Octonauts AU, in no way is this canon to the OG storyline. ]

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moonselune · 6 months ago

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Putting my two cents in with the dark Bg3 kids idea cause it’s really cool. Them healing their collective trauma? not fully, but a start on unlearning their harmful behaviors, having a supportive environment with friends? And over time realizing…

Wow I’m so much happier out here, what’s up with that?

I imagine they’d meet/helping a healthy family or two along the way who kinda offer a little emotional support and it’s kinda eye opening. Or maybe even Karlach finally getting back from Avernus, engine fixed and ready to reunite with the world. And coincidentally meeting all her dearest friends kids and bonding with them, helping them out on their little campaign only to prod for too much info and learn just how bad everything got, that she has no friends to go back to, not like they were before

Please do ! My thoughts have actually been running wild with this au.

Mama K would round them up and be like I am your mother now. Most of them are like, I already have a mother!

And then shad!daughter and Min!daughter are like you can take the other one but mama (tav) is mine.

Could you imagine though how heartbreaking it would be for karlach to tell the daughters stories of their parents, about how they used to be, about the good that they did.

I think particularly, Halsin, Wyll, Shadowheart’s daughters would find it insane.

Astarion’s daughter would straight up think Karlach is lying. Then you have Minthara and Gale’s daughters who are like okay well they just got worse like way worse.

I also love thinking about them as a party. Like I’m thinking Gale’s daughter gathered them together to take their parents down, comes to them as their saving grace and acts with a general air of authority and then Minthara’s daughter is just like stfu and sit down.

Because let’s face it Minthara’s daughter is the most prepared for this. She’s Minthara’s daughter she does not fail at anything. She spent her thirteenth birthday on the surface binding a wound she got from one of the elven villages she burned down and raided.

She immediately makes a list of the hierarchy with little notes and presents it to everyone.

- her (of course)

-Shadowheart’s daughter (trained sharran)

-Halsins daughter (can live off the wildlife just needs to get over blood and gore, good handle on her magic)

-Wyll’s daughter (needs to lose her moral compass, Mizora is the redeeming factor)

-Gale’s daughter (magic can be useful but she has an atrocious handle on it, and that’s if she doesn’t khs)

-Astarion’s daughter (spoilt brat, no survival skills, don’t know how she’s still alive)

Because let’s be real Astarion’s daughter would have never wanted for anything, never felt a single discomfort and suddenly she has to sleep on the dirt and where the same outfit twice. She’s not coping.

Halsin’s daughter “Where I come from a simple thank you would suffice”

Astarion’s daughter “Where you come from people bathe in the river and use pine cones for money.”

Anywayssss gimme your thoughts xoxoxo

#ask seluney xox

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randommle · 17 days ago

Text

Reading through my old initial reactions to UU is really really funny, I'll give you some of the highlights (You can try to guess the episode ig)

Under cut bc it's REALLY long

I;ve never been more scared watching a scripted video in my life

"Okay, left click me till we die. Cause I don't think I'm the one who's going to die." -Mapic, ep6

I miss my Wifies, Spoke I miss him a lot I'll be back

They can't die cause it's ScRiPtEd

Wemmbu out here playing Colony Civilization Colony Simulation Colony RPG

"Do you have a place to stay Parrot?" -Wemmbu "I have a plan." -Parrot This is how conversations work

"We gotta change their lifestyles from alive to dead, that's what we gotta do." -Egg

Sob sob sob sobs obs obso bsosb osb osb osb sobsobsososb sos bosb osb osb sobs obs osb osbs obsob sobsosbosbsobsosb os bsob sobs ososb sob

"Bro gave me one warning and called it my last." -Wifies

"I have to run" x7 -Parrot Proceeds to not run

"Okay, you're [Parrot] really good at the bow!" -Jumper I think CFBIYUWCFBGVYUCBIHNRGVYUCGBHEW PVP CIVILIZATION BE LIKE AHHAHAHAHAHAH CAUSE PARROT'S A BOW YOU KNOW CAUSE EYYEYEYEYEYEYEY

Parrot in thought: Scary, very smart, you will not beat him Parrot in actuality: The most pathetic guy ever

Okay I know I said that like they're not evil... I was just being in denial, they're all so evil

"Would 30 000 TNT kill Clown?" WOULD 30 000 TNT KILL YOU PARROT??? HOW ARE YOU GONNA SURVIVE???

"Uh, if we get spotted, start screaming maniacally, okay?" [Completely /srs tone] -Wemmbu

Okay Boosfer, my question is, if you want whole ass valley blown up, isn't that just gonna create a bigger valley???

WHY DOES WIFIES SOUND DIFFERENT EVEYTIME I SEE HIM

Doctor: "So when do you think your deafness originated from?" Me: "Wemmbu spawning 17 withers to help fight against Boosfer Kier n Dev..."

WHY IS IT CALLED THE ZAMEMPIRE AND NOT THE ZAMPIRE UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Zampire is so good ;-;

My guy Spoke just said "worry" in a Canadian way HE'S AMERICAN

"... we also have a history, and it's not a good one either, it's not one of the good histories." -Spoke "Like America-" -Mapic

I just realized the only 3 houses really at spawn are the main POVs

Wifies be like: ._.

PARROT THIS IS A HORRIFIC ENDER CHEST

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL UNSTABLE UNIVERSE

"Bro has no idea he's not in an ecologically sustainable environment." -Wifies

"I've never felt such incredible levels of cope in my life." -Wifies?

"Is this where we part ways?" -Egg "Uh- for like 10 minutes, yeah." -Wemmbu "Can I look into your eyes one last time?" -Egg "What the- what are you talking about." -Wemmbu

"MY KING! MY KING! MY KING! MY POOKIE BEAR!" "Don't touch my king ;-;" "MY KING ZAM! MY KING ZAM!" I legit can't tell who's saying these but I'm lmao

"You know, I think purple looks better on me, Wemmbu." -Zam "That was the stupidest voiceline I've ever heard-" -Wemmbu

"Dude, I'm a curious little critter." -Wemmbu

The red/blue button meme with Zam choosing between "Chill with Wemmbu" "Want to murder Wemmbu"

"Anything's possible if you put your mind to it, Kenadian. I know they've said that, but it's true." -Parrot "It's actually really not true." -Ken

"Parrot? I cannot express how much I hate your incompetence." -Ken

"It is never too late to take over a civilization." -Boosfer

"Parrot.. was I talking.. TO YOU?!?!?!??!?!?!??!??!? NO I WASN'T, I WAS TALKING TO THESE LOSERS!!" -Boosfer

Man why does Parrot never have a sufficient amount of rockets

Why is scary explosive murderous prince zam tlking about how cute an armadillo is next to hiss econd biggest enemi

(Not a quote, but there's a whole section about me theorizing that episode 18 (corrupt city ep) is a fever dream because it just didn't make any sense to me)

-Parrot

Parrot this is a bad lesson to teach the children please do not promote gambling /j

Thought of a canon-divergent dialogue "Thanks you, my friend :)" -Spoke (This is canon btw he did call Minute his friend) "Dude, you've got to stop calling people your friends, one of your friends just betrayed you." -Mapic "YOU'RE RIGHT, FORCE OF HABIT I GUESS" -Spoke

"... you're the Mitochondria of this whole operation!" -Mapic

Spoke gives off vibes of the silly character with actually a lot of self-doubt and GAD hidden underneath

I SAW PLANET OUT THE CORNER OF MY EYE AND THOUGHT I SAW WIFIES

"F r e e d o m ." -Wemmbu

"I like your definition of safe, it's very naive." -Wato

"These pots are like my dreams: easily shatterable ;-;" -Loppezz

"WHY ARE YOU FARMING SWEET BERRIES!?!?!? WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY NEED THESE FOR!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?" -Wemmbu

HE'S A COWARD I REPEAT HE'S A COWARD I don't blame him though ;-;

Parrot "Pet Murderer" X2 He's mean

(I continued to think Farlands episode was a fever dream, this time out of denial) (Also that maybe Wifies was taken over by a virus or smth cause MAN does he act weird in Farlands)

WAIT DON'T TELL ME THE MAFIA HIERARCHY IS THE SAME AS PARKOUR/PVP CIVILIZATION HIERARCHY

(In relation to Spoke's morals I'm pretty sure) Am I a good person? A) Yes, of course you are! Why would you think otherwise? (But we're killing people…) B. Spoke, what we're doing isn't good. It's right. (…am I a bad person?) C. … (…)

"It's okay to lose physically, it's never okay to lose mentally." -Mane

PARROT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR ENDERCHEST

Parrot: Trying to take leadership and giving orders 20 or so other people fighting, getting smashed by maces, panicking, popping totems, panicking: UERWIDKH083YWQHJD0H8EY9TGWBYFUINHOHUCE9T8YNF

Parrot: "Hey Theo, when's your birthday?" Theo: "March first, why do you ask?" Parrot: Marches... first

"I'M GONNA RAISE AN ENTIRE FAMILY OF FIVE, DIE, REVIVE, COME BACK TO LIFE AGAIN-" Derap (What is bro on about)

Wifies is being protective over the concept of hope help

(Insert me talking a lot about how I thought The Director was a meta joke and it was cc!Parrot)

"YOUR ONE WEAKNESS: YOU'RE EUROPEAN! AND THESE ARE NA SERVERS!" -Wemmbu

Eggchan? More like Eggchad-

Yk the common pattern I see between the 3 main characters is they NEVER HAVE ENOUGH ROCKETS

Ah yes, fishing in a small pond with the brother of the innocent player I murdered This is a safe way to go about this fine Saturday AM I RIGHT?

Spoke the Cassandra

"Okay so I guess we're never gonna win, LET'S BUILD A NATION OFF OF CARROTS. OH WAIT, WE CAN'T EVEN FIND ANY CARROTS. GUESS IS THIS A SIGN FOR US TO JUST FUCKING LOG OFF" -...Spoke

"Dude, have you seen the Dawn commercials where they wash the ducks?" -Mapic "No bro, but I've seen the stasis chamber that we're going to destroy." -Spoke (To answer Mapic's question, yes, I have)

Wemmbu: "I'm gonna need your boots." Spongs: "Why??" Wemmbu: Points at Egg "You broke his boots!" He asked for no pickles esque

"Before you can even find yourself, find the exit, bro. It's through the lava." -Ash

Also reference to Wemmbu's line in his finale (idr the exact wording) "The invis mafia could be the world's greatest Minecraft player (Itz), a Minecraft redstone expert (Cube), or your best friend (B.A.T.)."

And okay I guess I didn't make anymore comments after whatever episode that was

#hey i'm sorry i don't know why they're all about parrot #i was a bit obsessed ig #i hope i'm funny :>#also fun fact i called leo x nufuli a rarepair before they became more of an official thing #nufleo before tru episode is wild #☀︎ serious yap #unstable universe

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