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mother-above · 8 months ago

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All the Time in the World

Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel and his family are reminded that even fae don't have all the time in the world.

*I've made some edits! (nothing major)

Warnings: fluff, angst, death, swearing, grief (this is my formal apology to you all)

*masterlist*

Everything happens for a reason.

Those are five words people say to cope and rationalize why bad or good things happen. Azriel, Rhysand, Cassian, Morrigan, and Amren are no strangers to those five words. They thought about it daily, sometimes it was their first thought after waking up. You were always in their dreams, sometimes frolicking in a meadow, they wouldn’t see your face, but they knew your body, how your hair blew in the wind, how your arms lifted to feel the sun's warmth. Sometimes you were the main character of their dreams. So vibrant and full of life while tugging their hands to make them hurry and keep up with you whether it was running errands in Velaris or on a mission.

Sometimes, they would whisper, “Everything happens for a reason” before they slept. They would go about their day and even if it were filled with love, happiness, and laughter there was always a missing piece, a void that could never be filled.

You were an enigma. So powerful, so enchanting, the nobles in Hewn City knew to keep you hidden away. But someone like you could never go unnoticed, especially when you could manipulate the elements. You’d been surrounded by earth and rock all your life. You just knew there was something more, you felt it when you touched the granite walls, the stone told you of the sun beating down, of the wind and water that battered the outer layers of the mountain.

Fae with your powers could never be contained for too long, the Court of Nightmares was a prison you were bound to escape. The nobles trained you like a warrior, Keir hoped to use you to usurp the High Lord, but he acted too late, your power had grown.

When Rhysand became High Lord, he caught wind of your presence, a flourishing beacon of power trapped underground. Rhysand, Azriel, and Cassian took it upon themselves to investigate where this power was coming from. When they landed on the mountain, they were met by a female who paid no attention to the Illyrian warriors.

Your head was thrown back as you savored the hot kiss of the sun for the first time. Around you was granite rubble, and when they looked fifty feet to the right, a gaping hole came straight from the mountain's depths. You had dug yourself out and the Illyrians had no idea how.

Finally acknowledging the three brothers, you eyed the male with violet irises. “They told me your name is Rhysand. That I have to kill you.”

Azriel and Cassian’s siphons flared as they drew their weapons and pointed them menacingly toward you.

That was the first time you met the young High Lord and his brothers. All it took was for Rhysand to read your unguarded mind to see what you are and how you’ve been raised. To Azriel and Cassian’s surprise, Rhysand invited you to live with them. Shortly after that, you were acquainted with Morrigan who you’ve seen around before, and this ancient creature named Amren. The six of you became a family that supported each other through thick and thin. Under their care, you developed your powers and could manipulate nature's elements in any way you could imagine.

Your type of power has never been seen before and you were dangerous only when you needed to be. Despite your rough upbringing, you were good, you were the sunshine that graced every room you entered. The only unstable part of you was how your moods could sway the environment around you, like the time that idiotic male cheated on you, and landslides affected the mountains around Illyria. On your 250th birthday, the inner circle threw you a surprise party and you were so happy, the next few days were unusually warm and sunny for the middle of winter. There was also that time Cassian pissed you off during training for pushing you too hard, a bolt of lightning and thunder cracked right above the House of Wind’s training ring. You don’t think you’ve heard Cassian scream like that before.

One would think the High Lords of the other courts hated you, but they didn’t. Yes, you were a threat because you were another powerful individual who was loyal to Rhysand, but they couldn’t hate you, it was impossible to. Amren credited you for being the reason the other courts haven’t waged war on the Night Court, your presence was soothing, and you had a way to compromise like no other. You were such a good courtier that Beron tolerated you. It also didn’t help that your laughter was infectious, Thesan and Helion made sure you were invited to every big event.

You were accomplished, sociable, and a capable elemental manipulator but you always thought your greatest achievement was bringing Azriel out of his shell. At first, the shadowsinger was apprehensive about you living with them but that quickly changed, his shadows found you interesting and you coaxed him out of the shadows. In a way, he felt obligated to help you, all your life was spent in Hewn City and even then, you were more isolated than Morrigan. He knew you were stuck in the darkness, and he wanted to show you the light. At the time, he didn’t know he needed you more.

Azriel loved to replay the memory of taking you on your first flight tour of Velaris, you gripped his neck and shoulders as you shrieked in glee. He would never be able to forget how your scent overwhelmed him that day, pine and cherry blossoms forever embedded in his consciousness. He landed by the Sidra, and you leaped from his arms and headed straight to the water. You slipped the sandals off and dipped your toes into the cool water and a wide grin spread across your face.

“Azriel! Come here!”

He obliged, he found it difficult to say no to you. He stood by the bank and found comfort from the sound of rushing water. All was calm until water splashed his shirt, and his eyes snapped open to see you with a mischievous smile, perfect spheres of water floated above your hands. With a flick of your wrist, they collided with his body, the water sticking his black shirt onto his muscular torso. You had approximately 2 seconds to admire him before a large splash headed your way. Azriel grinned as he watched you stand there in shock.

“Don’t start things you can’t finish,” smirked Azriel.

Then the water fight started and the two of you never gave up, it was elemental magic versus a strapping warrior. You called a truce and both of you walked to the townhouse soaking wet, Mor wouldn’t let you into the house till you stopped dripping so you and Azriel sat on the front steps and watched faeries of all kinds pass by. Azriel caught himself smiling at you whenever you talked, he felt safe with you, like you would never judge him for his scars or dark past. He found it easy to talk to you, you never pressured him to talk like his brothers and Mor would do. Over time, one glance was all it took for you to understand what he needed.

The two of you danced around each other for decades, neither of you brave enough to take the next step. You saw Rhysand and Cassian as your brothers but when it came to Azriel, it felt different, there was unspoken tension, a different love that ran deep and made you blush. Every time he brought a female home, jealousy filled you and the clouds became grey and stormy. Azriel felt the same way when you started dating. No one ever stuck for more than a few months, but he hated every one of the males, they would never be good enough for you. What stung the most was Azriel didn’t think he was good enough for you either.

One day, you and Morrigan were sitting at the table having breakfast. She remembers this day so clearly because she had never seen you blush that color red. Azriel stopped by to eat a banana before training, Morrigan watched you not so discreetly check Azriel out in his Illyrian leathers. When he was done eating, Azriel threw you a wink before he bounded up the stairs to the training ring.

“Have you guys fucked yet?”

You choked on the yogurt causing you to have a coughing fit. “Mor!” you hissed. “Why would you ask that?”

“The two of you work well together, you understand each other.”

You shrugged as you drank water. “He’s my best friend, how else am I supposed to act around him?”

Mor looked at you incredulously. “Do best friends check each other out? Give each other massages after a long mission? Lay their heads on each other’s laps when they read? Kiss each other on the cheek constantly? Fall asleep together on the couch? Do they-”

“Okay!” you exclaimed. “You’ve made your point!”

Your cheeks and ears were cherry red, they burned as you stared at your breakfast.

“The two of you are single right now. I think you should tell him how you feel. Azriel… is Azriel, I think he’s too scared to make the first move, he’s always been more insecure,” said Mor.

“What if he says no and I ruin our entire relationship?”

Mor looked at your beautiful features and softly laughed. “He would be lying to himself.”

A week later, you finally dared to talk to Azriel about your feelings. He was standing on the balcony nursing a glass of whiskey, staring at the distant storm clouds. You leaned against the railing and looked at him, your heart pounding.

“Are you okay?” Azriel focused on you, his eyes scanning for anything amiss.

You breathed deeply and fully turned to him. “Azriel… you’re my best friend and I wouldn’t want to change a thing, but I want more and… I think you do too.”

Azriel stared at you, his eyes wide as he tried to convince himself that this wasn’t a dream.

“Oh, gods. You don’t feel the same way and I just ruined everything, haven’t I?” Your hands covered your face as you spun around to make a run for it.

Scarred hands clamped down on your shoulders and moved you to face him. Gently peeling your hands away from your cherry-red face, he smiled as his hands cupped your cheek. “You didn’t give me time to process.”

Your lips parted in shock. “So you want more?”

Azriel leaned closer to you, his breath blowing across your face. “I want to be with you.”

Going on your toes, you met him halfway. He remembered how soft your lips were, how you tasted like the wine you had been drinking to gather your courage. Your arms wound around his neck to pull him in closer, his large hands grabbed your waist and lifted you to sit on the railing.

A giggle stopped him from kissing you. “I might fall!”

Azriel’s arms wrapped around your body. “Then I’ll catch you.”

You beamed at him and Azriel’s heart felt full, you were the light he had been chasing all his life. He pressed his lips against yours and you melted against him, a small moan of contentment escaped your lips and Azriel grinned. He needed to hear that sound from you again.

“Ahem.”

You leaned to the side to see Amren smirking at the two of you. “Fucking finally. I thought we’d have to wait two hundred more years for this to happen.”

Azriel growled. “Is there a reason why you’re interrupting us?”

“High Lord Kallias sent out a distress message, I don’t know what kind of emergency so be prepared for anything. We leave in 5 minutes.”

Azriel let out a frustrated sigh and laid his head on your shoulder. “Such bad timing.”

Your fingers went to stroke the hairs on the nape of his neck. “I know,” you purred. “We can finish this when we get back. We’ll talk more about our future and what we want.”

Azriel lifted himself and looked in your gaze, so warm and full of life. The pad of his thumb ran over your bottom lip and that’s when he felt it. That golden thread unraveled itself and snapped into place. He was startled as he looked at you, your features oblivious to the mate bond.

He blinked as he realized it had yet to snap for you. You looked at him with so much adoration that for once in his life, he didn’t doubt your feelings. Your eyebrows scrunched when you noticed a shift within Azriel.

“Nothing,” he said as he pecked your cheek and helped you down from the railing. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“Okay, we have all the time in the world,” you said as you tugged his arm to get ready.

How the enemy was able to transport a Middengard worm to Winter Court still made faeries scratch their heads to this day. There were also enemy soldiers to worry about, but Rhysand ordered you to help with the monster. According to Rhysand, it was the largest he had ever seen, and its skin was thick and impenetrable. It was getting closer to the city and no matter what the courts shot at it, it never faltered. You joined Kallias and the other fae with ice-manipulation powers to do anything to get the worm away from the city. You slammed a foot down onto the ground and the frozen earth shot upwards hundreds of feet into the sky, creating a barrier for the city.

Kallias grinned at you, and you threw him a wink, you loved using your powers. Running full force toward the worm, you conjured large razor-sharp spears from the snow and made them jut out in the ground in hopes the Middengard would impale itself. It turned out you all severely underestimated the creature, it grew in height and then slammed itself onto the earth allowing it to burrow and move underground. Your jaw dropped in horror as it quickly made its way to the city, the wall you built would not be able to withstand its power. You looked at the gleaming lights of the city and your heart dropped. There were millions of faeries in danger.

Your mind whirred as you looked at all your options and the only thing you could think of didn’t look too good for you.

Rhysand could still remember the panic he felt when his Daemati talons slammed against your thoughts. You were so concentrated; your mental walls were halfway down.

Please don’t do that! It’s too dangerous, there must be another way.

Rhysand’s fae sight let him see your soft smile, your eyes already lined with silver tears.

That’s a whole city, Rhys. you would do the same. Thank you for everything. Tell Azriel I love him.

Rhysand started screaming your name but that didn’t stop you from sprinting toward the Middengard and getting as close as you could. The moment you could detect the worm underneath you, you let out a strangled scream as you used every ounce of your power. Your arms were lifted and when your hands tightened into fists, the earth around you and the worm caved inwards. The giant earth wall that blocked the city crumbled down as you used all the materials available to bury yourself and the Middengard into the depths of Hel.

High Lord Kallias will never forget the sounds of your family screaming for you, he could still hear it in his nightmares. He remembered Morrigan throwing up and the spymaster dumbfoundedly staring into the soil you disappeared in.

***

Your death shattered the inner circle’s life, they were never able to recover your body making them feel even worse. It was too deep into the earth; the High Lords couldn’t even sense the Middengard worm. Amren had stayed behind to guard Velaris, so she was the last one to find out. No one had ever seen Amren cry but when her family winnowed in without you, looking shaken and pale, she crumpled onto the floor and let out a wail that shook the townhouse. Rhysand built a beautiful memorial for you by the edge of the city, and upon Azriel’s request, it was placed near the Sidra.

Everything had turned upside down. It rained for a whole month, and it certainly helped no one's mood. The day you died became a court holiday, the people of Velaris mourned you, even some in Illyria and Hewn City. Every year on your death anniversary, the High Lords came to visit your memorial, they brought flowers or expensive bottles of wine that you liked. Tamlin never showed up, but he always sent a courtier to deliver an extravagant wreath made of spring flowers bursting with color. You had once complimented the peonies that lined his estate and he never forgot about it.

Every time Azriel opened his eyes in the morning, he wished for sleep because, in his dreams, you were still alive. Your favorite phrase in the world was “Everything happens for a reason”, it helped you cope with your childhood and the inner circle had adopted it as their mantra. Azriel hated it. He refused to believe that what happened to you was written in the stars. He hated that you had to sacrifice yourself. Why you? Why his mate? He had loved you for so long yet so much time was wasted on others when you could have been together. The pain he felt when the golden thread disappeared was unlike anything he had felt before. Azriel thought he was dead until he saw the earth cave in with you in the middle of it. His shadows were screaming but he was numb, he couldn’t believe you were gone just like that.

Azriel swore the birds had stopped singing in Velaris, his family thought he was crazy but then they noticed it too. There were these songbirds that sang every morning and if you heard it, you whistled back and they’d respond. It was like the natural world knew you were gone. Life without you was dull, the stars didn’t shine as bright, and the sky wasn’t as blue as it used to be.

Like most things, time was the only remedy. With each year that passed, the pain slowly became bearable. Azriel was encouraged to see other people after a hundred years had gone by but nothing went past the first date, no one was ever going to compare to you. He couldn’t touch another female without feeling sick.

The inner circle had gone through so much since you died, and like clockwork, Cassian went to your memorial to sit and give you updates every week.

‘Rhys is stuck Under The Mountain. Azriel is being a pain in the ass about going to Illyria. Rhys came back from Under The Mountain. Azriel misses you. Rhys found his mate but she’s with Tamlin. Feyre threw a shoe at Rhysand. He met Feyre’s sisters. We miss you. A war with Hybern was coming. I have a suspicion my mate is Nesta Archeron. The High Lords are having a meeting and we all wish you could be there to contain everyone. I was forced to see Bryaxis, again.’

Sometimes Cassian came with other members of the family but most of the time, it was just him talking to you.

One day, Rhysand brought Feyre to your memorial, and she gasped at how beautiful it was. Using his Daemati powers, he showed his mate his most precious memories of you. You had befriended a beast in the mountains of Illyria. It was a horned creature and Rhysand had almost obliterated the monster but your delighted laugh stopped him. Yes, the beast was running at you but Rhys failed to notice your outstretched arms and bright grin. You were never scared.

Feyre squeezed Rhy’s hand as she admired the fresh flowers and gifts that were placed around.

“She was so beautiful and so kind-hearted. I wish I met her.”

“Me too,” he whispered. “You would have loved her.”

The war with Hybern was brutal. If you were still there, you would have tipped the scale and Prythian would have been winning from the get-go. Amren had to unbind herself from her body to save everyone, she was scared in her last few moments but then remembered how selfless and brave you were. The war was over but then Rhysand passed as well, sacrificing himself for the greater good, your last words to him ringing in his ears.

Feyre begged the High Lords to revive her mate and they did, her anguish reminding them of the loss they all felt when a certain Night Court member had passed. With Rhysand alive, he nodded toward the Cauldron, telling them that Amren was there too. Morrigan and Varian fished her out and Amren came out sputtering and desperately trying to gain control of her body. She kept coughing up water, so she furiously pointed to the Cauldron.

“What is it?” cried out Morrigan.

Silver tears started streaming down Amren’s face as she attempted to crawl. “I saw her, she’s in there!” she said desperately. “Get her out before she drowns!”

Every faerie looked at her like she was crazy. Who else would be in there?

Her head swiveled around until she locked into Azriel’s gaze. “She is in there.”

Azriel’s legs carried him toward the Cauldron and not a second later, Morrigan joined him as they blindly reached in. Morrigan started swearing as she felt a limp arm in there, finding the torso, Azriel helped heave the body out of the Cauldron. The female's body thrashed as she coughed out all the water she had swallowed. The High Lords and their courts burst into chaos when Azriel brushed the female’s hair off her face.

Still dressed in Illyrian leathers, there you lay sprawled and gasping for air.

a/n: thank you for reading! please let me know what thought in the comments! xoxo

Part 2

#azriel x reader #azriel fanfic #azriel x you #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fanfiction #azriel angst #azriel acotar #acotar fanfiction #azriel x y/n #rhysand #cassian acotar #amren acotar #morrigan acotar

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azurlily · 5 months ago

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Guess whose not dead?!

(This is an actual post with a character, just scroll down to the pink bow if you don't want to read this.)

I was in and out of the hospital for a long time. I'm sorry I haven't been writing, but I'm doing so much better. I've closed requests so I can catch up on the ones I currently need to do.

I also wanted to mention some of the newer works(that AREN'T being requested) that I plan to make will probably be either smut or darker stuff. It's a way for me to cope and I enjoy writing altogether.

Yandere!CEO x Fem!Reader

Morena(yan!ceo) x fem!reader

Synopsis: You're a young woman working in the tech industry, you know people(mostly men) don't take you seriously. Due to the constant stress of needing to be better (just to be considered good) you are constantly anxious and jittery, you've also developed a depressive mindset and you consistently struggle with taking your medication.

You just got a new job by a large, female owned, tech company! You thought you'd feel better and you wouldn't have to deal with a toxic environment. You were dead wrong; your boss is a bitch and expects constant perfection and no less. You were just barely able to make it under her radar, until she starts going through files- and you find yourself in her office with a deal you just aren't allowed to refuse.

Not like you can refuse a demon after all?

TW: Non-consensual kissing and physical touch, somewhat mentions future kidnapping.

The reader is kissed(while under a spell that takes away will-power from their body) and is forced to sign a contract against their wishes.

You stand quietly, with your hands in front of you- clasped together so tightly you'd think you were about to get in your knees and pray. But no, instead you were ready to beg to not be fired.

That's what this was right? You were getting fired and your horrible, asshole, bitch-faced boss wanted to say it to your face. You could cry, you almost did on the way here.

Yet as much as you wish you weren't in this situation, as much as you wish you could repent for whatever you did; you genuinely have no idea why you've been called here. You've never gotten a write up, all your reports are clean and bug free, and you work well with seemingly everyone.

You stand face forward, staring at the woman who decides wether you get to eat for the next month. The same woman who while you hate her, you can't -no you won't- deny her beauty. You-

"Hello?! Do you hear me or are you too busy pissing yourself to pay attention?"

You look down, wondering if you genuinely did pee yourself, only to see dry pants and floor. You look back up at her and she gives you the look of someone who both wants to laugh and yell(not in the good way).

You wondered if there was something who had tried to sue her for how rude she was. I'm sure there could be some sort of case, as long as there was proof. Hell, even witnesses would do.

"Sorry, ma'am. What exactly is it you called me for? Has my team done something wrong, did we miss some meeting, or did-"

She stands up, slamming her hand on the desk so loudly it echoes. You nearly jump out of your skin- was she going to hit you?!

"Be quiet. I can't handle you prattling on like a cow. I'm not firing you, nor am I firing anyone on your team. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Oh and please- call me Miss Morena. Thank you."

Oh she is definitely a condescending bitch.

You thought for a moment, 'quite the opposite'. So you aren't getting fired, hell you may be getting a raise! Maybe Morena wasn't so bad of a boss. Maybe she just likes hard workers.

"Thank you, ma- Miss Morena. If I may ask: does this mean I'm getting a promotion?"

Morena smiles, not the smile you give someone when they're right about something. The smile you give when you're a fox, and you've just cornered the bunny you've been trying to catch.

"Yes, a promotion of sorts. I actually have a contract for you, but I can give you the gist and read the rest to you later."

Morena pulls an inch thick stack of papers from the desk. She sets them aside with a pen and slowly steps out from the desk. Morena signals you to come closer, but you only take a few steps forward. You could practically feel how badly this situation was going to go.

As Morena got closer, you began to feel more compelled to make eye contact with her. Like someone was whispering into the back of you mind, telling you to look up. To look into the beautiful blue eyes that Miss Morena holds. To never look away; keep your eyes on hers.

Don't look away from me. I always get what I want and that isn't changing anytime soon, little rabbit.

"Well I've been looking over employee information and I noticed you moved from very, very many jobs before you got to this one. Never staying in one place. I never really liked people like that, and from what I've seen, people like that have done the same with my company. Now I hope -very strong word here- that someone with skills like yours wouldn't do something to this company. I hope that you'd stay, willingly of course. You would stay willingly, right?"

Of course you would, you never had any interest in leaving. You planned to stay past the one year mark, past the time where everyone would get raises in order to ensure you were getting a that this place was a good opportunity. You loved it here, you loved you teammates, your boss, you loved the office building itself.

"Of course I'm staying, Miss Morena. I would never leave."

The words coming out of your mouth felt robotic, they felt like you were lying to yourself and others. Like you were in your body, but you weren't the one speaking.

"Good girl, now go over to my desk and sign you name on all of those papers. Don't read them, you don't need to. You can put all your trust in me."

You did exactly as you were told, you signed every paper with you signature. You didn't even think, your body was moving like second nature. You had this warm feeling in your gut, this safe and controlled feeling. You like feeling like this- don't you?

You hear some shuffling behind you and yet you can't turn around to see what's going on. You only hear a voice.

"You know while your under I guess I can explain. You can't really yell at me or try to run away, so I can speak my peace. You're going to be the newest human I suck the life out of! But hey, for the next few months you'll get to live lavishly and without fear of anything. Other than me of course!"

Your brain registered what she was saying, but you couldn't respond. What were you doing to do? What could you do?

"Come here bunny."

You turn around and walk straight into Morena's arms. She gently grabs your face, you just noticed three of her fingers on her left hand have been filed down. Meanwhile the nails on her right hand, as well as her pinky and thumb on her left, are long and colorful.

Morena pulls you closer to her, her lips ghosting over your mouth. You feel her press her lips to yours and you get an overwhelming feeling of disgust wash over you. You feel nothing but utterly dirty as she kisses you, you feel like someone's just stabbed you and is trying to clean the wound to make themselves feel better about the act.

Your eyes are wide open the entire time, so you watch Morena go from kissing you deeply to pulling back in what looks to be shock. Her pupils dilate slowly, her eyes relaxing and you see nothing but black take over.

"Oh...oh you're much too sweet to kill."

Morena gently moves you head to the side pressing her tounge against your neck. You feel her shiver and watch as she pulls back with a dark smile on her face.

"I take back what I said about you enjoying these next couple of months. . . You'll get to enjoy such pleasures for the rest of your life. With me."

You let your body process her words this time, you don't know how to react. Instead you feel your eyes wet themselves, your expression hadn't even changed. And yet, you were crying. Morena notices almost immediately and you watch her face distort itself into a disdainful look of annoyance, until it twists into one of sadistic pity.

"Oh, shh, bunny. Hush now, stop those tears. I'll take the spell down once were home, in my home you wont be able to run away. So you can have a tantrum all you want there. I know you don't like me right now, you maybe even hate me, but give it some time. You'll realise you need someone, and I'm the best you'll be getting for the rest of your pathetic human life."

Everything goes black after that.

#wlw #lesbian #im bad at this #women are hot #female yandere #tw nonconsensual touching #lesbian yandere #yandere x reader #yandere #female yandere x reader #CEO!yan!Morena #yandere ceo #im not okay #im not sorry #im not dead #demon #yandere!demon

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animalsalvationassociation · 2 months ago

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what do you guys like?

[ DO NOT REPOST, ALL ART & CONCEPTS WERE MADE BY ME ]

Illustration Time: 7hrs 4min

(More doodles n'stuff below the cut!!!!!)

Anon . . . Whoever you are . . . I am so sorry. For no reason at all my brain went into FULL panic mode every time I thought about your ask. I literally had a mid-life crisis over it, I’m not joking. (Also I didn’t realize until after it was drawn how grainy the jpeg ended up, that’s because I made the canvas a billion times smaller than usual! 😅 (Stupid Procreate, Stupid Math)

(I ultimately decided/forgot to actually add fish to the scene that's why there are bubbles instead. I'm not about doing extra work when it's literally 7hrs into the project)

Tunip Redesign (of a Redesign)??? 👀👀👀

It really went . . .

Shellington: Autistic Powers Activate!!!!

Tunip: Father they must know the holiness of the biscuit fish!!!

Fae: AHHHHHHHHHHH

Y/N: Not again . . .

Bonus:

(Poor Tweak has no idea what’s going on, Sry for the bad handwriting it’s 2:40am I’m not conscious enough to write well)

Note:

[ For context Fae *cough, cough* “me”, has major Thalassophobia/Aquaphobia (Fear of deep water/water itself “swimming, being near/in water, concept of deep water”). Which also plays well with my Galeophobia (irrational fear of sharks—yes yes I’ve heard everything and seen everything to justify sharks (orcas don’t help omg). I truly do love them and everything they do for the environment but just looking at pictures/videos of them sends me into a spiral. This is an actual fear stemming from childhood)

It’s actually been a real struggle in my life because I used to be such an avid swimmer when I was a kid. So this is my way of coping with my fear . . . by making fun of myself for comedic relief. You’ll see more of this play out in my doodles and anything involving Y.N. & Fae ]

In another life I may very well have been a Marine Biologist but nope, I get to work in a retail kids store at $10.50 an hour :)

Bonus of the Bonus:

(For fun, duh)

Y/N & Fae Refs

[ This is a Octonauts AU, in no way is this canon to the OG storyline. ]

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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year ago

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The (open) web is good, actually

I'll be at the Studio City branch of the LA Public Library tonight (Monday, November 13) at 1830hPT to launch my new novel, The Lost Cause. There'll be a reading, a talk, a surprise guest (!!) and a signing, with books on sale. Tell your friends! Come on down!

The great irony of the platformization of the internet is that platforms are intermediaries, and the original promise of the internet that got so many of us excited about it was disintermediation – getting rid of the middlemen that act as gatekeepers between community members, creators and audiences, buyers and sellers, etc.

The platformized internet is ripe for rent seeking: where the platform captures an ever-larger share of the value generated by its users, making the service worst for both, while lock-in stops people from looking elsewhere. Every sector of the modern economy is less competitive, thanks to monopolistic tactics like mergers and acquisitions and predatory pricing. But with tech, the options for making things worse are infinitely divisible, thanks to the flexibility of digital systems, which means that product managers can keep subdividing the Jenga blocks they pulling out of the services we rely on. Combine platforms with monopolies with digital flexibility and you get enshittification:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/21/potemkin-ai/#hey-guys

An enshittified, platformized internet is bad for lots of reasons – it concentrates decisions about who may speak and what may be said into just a few hands; it creates a rich-get-richer dynamic that creates a new oligarchy, with all the corruption and instability that comes with elite capture; it makes life materially worse for workers, users, and communities.

But there are many other ways in which the enshitternet is worse than the old good internet. Today, I want to talk about how the enshitternet affects openness and all that entails. An open internet is one whose workings are transparent (think of "open source"), but it's also an internet founded on access – the ability to know what has gone before, to recall what has been said, and to revisit the context in which it was said.

At last week's Museum Computer Network conference, Aaron Straup Cope gave a talk on museums and technology called "Wishful Thinking – A critical discussion of 'extended reality' technologies in the cultural heritage sector" that beautifully addressed these questions of recall and revisiting:

https://www.aaronland.info/weblog/2023/11/11/therapy/#wishful

Cope is a museums technologist who's worked on lots of critical digital projects over the years, and in this talk, he addresses himself to the difference between the excitement of the galleries, libraries, archives and museums (GLAM) sector over the possibilities of the web, and why he doesn't feel the same excitement over the metaverse, and its various guises – XR, VR, MR and AR.

The biggest reason to be excited about the web was – and is – the openness of disintermediation. The internet was inspired by the end-to-end principle, the idea that the network's first duty was to transmit data from willing senders to willing receivers, as efficiently and reliably as possible. That principle made it possible for whole swathes of people to connect with one another. As Cope writes, openness "was not, and has never been, a guarantee of a receptive audience or even any audience at all." But because it was "easy and cheap enough to put something on the web," you could "leave it there long enough for others to find it."

That dynamic nurtured an environment where people could have "time to warm up to ideas." This is in sharp contrast to the social media world, where "[anything] not immediately successful or viral … was a waste of time and effort… not worth doing." The social media bias towards a river of content that can't be easily reversed is one in which the only ideas that get to spread are those the algorithm boosts.

This is an important way to understand the role of algorithms in the context of the spread of ideas – that without recall or revisiting, we just don't see stuff, including stuff that might challenge our thinking and change our minds. This is a much more materialistic and grounded way to talk about algorithms and ideas than the idea that Big Data and AI make algorithms so persuasive that they can control our minds:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/06/attention-rents/#consumer-welfare-queens

As bad as this is in the social media context, it's even worse in the context of apps, which can't be linked into, bookmarked, or archived. All of this made apps an ominous sign right from the beginning:

https://memex.craphound.com/2010/04/01/why-i-wont-buy-an-ipad-and-think-you-shouldnt-either/

Apps interact with law in precisely the way that web-pages don't. "An app is just a web-page wrapped in enough IP to make it a crime to defend yourself against corporate predation":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/27/an-audacious-plan-to-halt-the-internets-enshittification-and-throw-it-into-reverse/

Apps are "closed" in every sense. You can't see what's on an app without installing the app and "agreeing" to its terms of service. You can't reverse-engineer an app (to add a privacy blocker, or to change how it presents information) without risking criminal and civil liability. You can't bookmark anything the app won't let you bookmark, and you can't preserve anything the app won't let you preserve.

Despite being built on the same underlying open frameworks – HTTP, HTML, etc – as the web, apps have the opposite technological viewpoint to the web. Apps' technopolitics are at war with the web's technopolitics. The web is built around recall – the ability to see things, go back to things, save things. The web has the technopolitics of a museum:

https://www.aaronland.info/weblog/2014/09/11/brand/#dconstruct

By comparison, apps have the politics of a product, and most often, that product is a rent-seeking, lock-in-hunting product that wants to take you hostage by holding something you love hostage – your data, perhaps, or your friends:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/facebooks-secret-war-switching-costs

When Anil Dash described "The Web We Lost" in 2012, he was describing a web with the technopolitics of a museum:

where tagging was combined with permissive licenses to make it easy for people to find and reuse each others' stuff;

where it was easy to find out who linked to you in realtime even though most of us were posting to our own sites, which they controlled;

where a link from one site to another meant one person found another person's contribution worthy;

where privacy-invasive bids to capture the web were greeted with outright hostility;

where every service that helped you post things that mattered to you was expected to make it easy for you take that data back if you changed services;

where inlining or referencing material from someone else's site meant following a technical standard, not inking a business-development deal;

https://www.anildash.com/2012/12/13/the_web_we_lost/

Ten years later, Dash's "broken tech/content culture cycle" described the web we live on now:

https://www.anildash.com/2022/02/09/the-stupid-tech-content-culture-cycle/

found your platform by promising to facilitate your users' growth;

order your technologists and designers to prioritize growth above all other factors and fire anyone who doesn't deliver;

grow without regard to the norms of your platform's users;

plaster over the growth-driven influx of abusive and vile material by assigning it to your "most marginalized, least resourced team";

deliver a half-assed moderation scheme that drives good users off the service and leaves no one behind but griefers, edgelords and trolls;

steadfastly refuse to contemplate why the marginalized users who made your platform attractive before being chased away have all left;

flail about in a panic over illegal content, do deals with large media brands, seize control over your most popular users' output;

"surface great content" by algorithmically promoting things that look like whatever's successful, guaranteeing that nothing new will take hold;

overpay your top performers for exclusivity deals, utterly neglect any pipeline for nurturing new performers;

abuse your creators the same ways that big media companies have for decades, but insist that it's different because you're a tech company;

ignore workers who warn that your product is a danger to society, dismiss them as "millennials" (defined as "anyone born after 1970 or who has a student loan")

when your platform is (inevitably) implicated in a murder, have a "town hall" overseen by a crisis communications firm;

pay the creator who inspired the murder to go exclusive on your platform;

dismiss the murder and fascist rhetoric as "growing pains";

when truly ghastly stuff happens on your platform, give your Trust and Safety team a 5% budget increase;

chase growth based on "emotionally engaging content" without specifying whether the emotions should be positive;

respond to ex-employees' call-outs with transient feelings of guilt followed by dismissals of "cancel culture":

fund your platforms' most toxic users and call it "free speech";

whenever anyone disagrees with any of your decisions, dismiss them as being "anti-free speech";

start increasing how much your platform takes out of your creators' paychecks;

force out internal dissenters, dismiss external critics as being in conspiracy with your corporate rivals;

once regulation becomes inevitable, form a cartel with the other large firms in your sector and insist that the problem is a "bad algorithm";

"claim full victim status," and quit your job, complaining about the toll that running a big platform took on your mental wellbeing.

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/18/broken-records/#dashes

The web wasn't inevitable – indeed, it was wildly improbable. Tim Berners Lee's decision to make a new platform that was patent-free, open and transparent was a complete opposite approach to the strategy of the media companies of the day. They were building walled gardens and silos – the dialup equivalent to apps – organized as "branded communities." The way I experienced it, the web succeeded because it was so antithetical to the dominant vision for the future of the internet that the big companies couldn't even be bothered to try to kill it until it was too late.

Companies have been trying to correct that mistake ever since. After three or four attempts to replace the web with various garbage systems all called "MSN," Microsoft moved on to trying to lock the internet inside a proprietary browser. Years later, Facebook had far more success in an attempt to kill HTML with React. And of course, apps have gobbled up so much of the old, good internet.

Which brings us to Cope's views on museums and the metaverse. There's nothing intrinsically proprietary about virtual worlds and all their permutations. VRML is a quarter of a century old – just five years younger than Snow Crash:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/VRML

But the current enthusiasm for virtual worlds isn't merely a function of the interesting, cool and fun experiences you can have in them. Rather, it's a bid to kill off whatever is left of the old, good web and put everything inside a walled garden. Facebook's metaverse "is more of the same but with a technical footprint so expensive and so demanding that it all but ensures it will only be within the means of a very few companies to operate."

Facebook's VR headsets have forward-facing cameras, turning every users into a walking surveillance camera. Facebook put those cameras there for "pass through" – so they can paint the screens inside the headset with the scene around you – but "who here believes that Facebook doesn't have other motives for enabling an always-on camera capturing the world around you?"

Apple's VisionPro VR headset is "a near-perfect surveillance device," and "the only thing to save this device is the trust that Apple has marketed its brand on over the last few years." Cope notes that "a brand promise is about as fleeting a guarantee as you can get." I'll go further: Apple is already a surveillance company:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar

The technopolitics of the metaverse are the opposite of the technopolitics of the museum – even moreso than apps. Museums that shift their scarce technology budgets to virtual worlds stand a good chance of making something no one wants to use, and that's the best case scenario. The worst case is that museums make a successful project inside a walled garden, one where recall is subject to corporate whim, and help lure their patrons away from the recall-friendly internet to the captured, intermediated metaverse.

It's true that the early web benefited from a lot of hype, just as the metaverse is enjoying today. But the similarity ends there: the metaverse is designed for enclosure, the web for openness. Recall is a historical force for "the right to assembly… access to basic literacy… a public library." The web was "an unexpected gift with the ability to change the order of things; a gift that merits being protected, preserved and promoted both internally and externally." Museums were right to jump on the web bandwagon, because of its technopolitics. The metaverse, with its very different technopolitics, is hostile to the very idea of museums.

In joining forces with metaverse companies, museums strike a Faustian bargain, "because we believe that these places are where our audiences have gone."

The GLAM sector is devoted to access, to recall, and to revisiting. Unlike the self-style free speech warriors whom Dash calls out for self-serving neglect of their communities, the GLAM sector is about preservation and access, the true heart of free expression. When a handful of giant companies organize all our discourse, the ability to be heard is contingent on pleasing the ever-shifting tastes of the algorithm. This is the problem with the idea that "freedom of speech isn't freedom of reach" – if a platform won't let people who want to hear from you see what you have to say, they are indeed compromising freedom of speech:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/10/e2e/#the-censors-pen

Likewise, "censorship" is not limited to "things that governments do." As Ada Palmer so wonderfully describes it in her brilliant "Why We Censor: from the Inquisition to the Internet" speech, censorship is like arsenic, with trace elements of it all around us:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMMJb3AxA0s

A community's decision to ban certain offensive conduct or words on pain of expulsion or sanction is censorship – but not to the same degree that, say, a government ban on expressing certain points of view is. However, there are many kinds of private censorship that rise to the same level as state censorship in their impact on public discourse (think of Moms For Liberty and their book-bannings).

It's not a coincidence that Palmer – a historian – would have views on censorship and free speech that intersect with Cope, a museum worker. One of the most brilliant moments in Palmer's speech is where she describes how censorship under the Inquistion was not state censorship – the Inquisition was a multinational, nongovernmental body that was often in conflict with state power.

Not all intermediaries are bad for speech or access. The "disintermediation" that excited early web boosters was about escaping from otherwise inescapable middlemen – the people who figured out how to control and charge for the things we did with one another.

When I was a kid, I loved the writing of Crad Kilodney, a short story writer who sold his own self-published books on Toronto street-corners while wearing a sign that said "VERY FAMOUS CANADIAN AUTHOR, BUY MY BOOKS" (he also had a sign that read, simply, "MARGARET ATWOOD"). Kilodney was a force of nature, who wrote, edited, typeset, printed, bound, and sold his own books:

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/books/article-late-street-poet-and-publishing-scourge-crad-kilodney-left-behind-a/

But there are plenty of writers out there that I want to hear from who lack the skill or the will to do all of that. Editors, publishers, distributors, booksellers – all the intermediaries who sit between a writer and their readers – are not bad. They're good, actually. The problem isn't intermediation – it's capture.

For generations, hucksters have conned would-be writers by telling them that publishing won't buy their books because "the gatekeepers" lack the discernment to publish "quality" work. Friends of mine in publishing laughed at the idea that they would deliberately sideline a book they could figure out how to sell – that's just not how it worked.

But today, monopolized film studios are literally annihilating beloved, high-priced, commercially viable works because they are worth slightly more as tax writeoffs than they are as movies:

https://deadline.com/2023/11/coyote-vs-acme-shelved-warner-bros-discovery-writeoff-david-zaslav-1235598676/

There's four giant studios and five giant publishers. Maybe "five" is the magic number and publishing isn't concentrated enough to drop whole novels down the memory hole for a tax deduction, but even so, publishing is trying like hell to shrink to four:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/07/random-penguins/#if-you-wanted-to-get-there-i-wouldnt-start-from-here

Even as the entertainment sector is working to both literally and figuratively destroy our libraries, the cultural heritage sector is grappling with preserving these libraries, with shrinking budgets and increased legal threats:

https://blog.archive.org/2023/03/25/the-fight-continues/

I keep meeting artists of all description who have been conditioned to be suspicious of anything with the word "open" in its name. One colleague has repeatedly told me that fighting for the "open internet" is a self-defeating rhetorical move that will scare off artists who hear "open" and think "Big Tech ripoff."

But "openness" is a necessary precondition for preservation and access, which are the necessary preconditions for recall and revisiting. Here on the last, melting fragment of the open internet, as tech- and entertainment-barons are seizing control over our attention and charging rent on our ability to talk and think together, openness is our best hope of a new, good internet. T

he cultural heritage sector wants to save our creative works. The entertainment and tech industry want to delete them and take a tax writeoff.

As a working artist, I know which side I'm on.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/13/this-is-for-everyone/#revisiting

Image: Diego Delso (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Museo_Mimara,_Zagreb,_Croacia,_2014-04-20,_DD_01.JPG

CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

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purpdrawsthings · 5 months ago

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How's life being... Well, like that? Are you two being treated at least semi-decently? You're not being used as punching bags for Mr. Puzzles's emotions, right? Right?

SMG4 : Oh! It's... Not bad actually... Aside from having such terribly planned deadlines and overworking because Mr. Puzzles always gets ideas from... Who even knows who, to the point you even question your own mental stability... It's decent I guess. This is better than what we expected...

SMG3 : As for that semi-decently thing... I guess you could say it's like... Decent? It's like a normal worker and boss relationship but worser? He is a decent but a bad boss at the same time, moreee on the bad side cuz he's him. Also, we are not used as punching bags for Mr. Puzzles emotion. He does let it out sometimes but whenever it's in front of us he would make that crazy face for a second then go back into his office and scream so loud that everyone could hear it. He really thinks we wouldn't notice.

SMG4 : Huh, speaking of decent things, I actually got this "Best Writer #1" mug from him a few months ago because I was doing a good job as a lead script writer. I'd never knew he gave gifts.

SMG3 : And here I was thinking where the hell you even got that.

SMG4 : It's my emotional support mug by the way.

SMG3 : What.

PS : Yes I'm adding context to my older posts so people would actually understand.

Context : They live in actually pretty stable and decent environment. Think of it as a movie/office studio or whatever. Butttt due to them being kinda clumsy and very tired, the place got a bit dirty. Still nice either way. Though, it isn't nice that they don't get fresh air and are always stuck in there for eternity.

As for how Puzzles treats them, I would have to say kinda bossy. He always gives them work and well, other stuff. Like editing videos late. Buttt when they get a little sick, he let's them rest. And by rest I mean only for a day and nothing more than that. He wants to keep his movies coming out as consistent as possible. The reason why he acts like this is because all his time of making low quality films, he was just making them alone with nobody tbh. That's why he manages them so poorly

And no, Puzzles does not use them as punching bugs. He actually doesn't even use violence. He just shouts and gets way too frustrated. If he gets a little stressed, he would just go in his office and scream to let his stress all out. Great way of coping Puzzles =D

As for the last part, that was just a funny last part I just wanted to add because I thought it would be fun. I decided that if an employee [ basically one of the crew ] did a great job, he would reward them. In his case, 4 got three mugs with messages that were way too relatable to him =]

#SMG4 #smg4brainwashedauasks #smg4brainwashedau #SMG3 #purps silly questions =]#Brainwashedau!smg4 #brainwashedau!smg3 #smg4 au

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freezingmcxn · 2 months ago

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Have u got any tips for making ur own creepypasta character/ oc type thing?

TIPS FOR MAKING CREEPYPASTA OCS/STORIES

These are just things I do/have done, not a professional writer or anything !! just someone who likes writing a lot :) Also just for the sake of it, these are biased to what I like in a character, so it’s totally fine to not agree!

⠀⠀⠀･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Don’t be afraid to stray from those “common” creepypasta tropes: tragic backstory, misunderstood characters, sad emo, do not touch tail, you get it….

⠀⠀⠀･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

New takes will always attract readers (like me) who are tired of seeing the same storylines over and over..it gets so boring.

Experimenting with new ideas or tropes can make your story stand out. Like, maybe your OC isn’t a victim of trauma at all, or maybe their motivations are more complex than just revenge/killing.

If you’re sticking to one of the common story lines one thing to keep in mind is not to drag out your character’s story.

If it goes on for too long, it becomes repetitive and boring, something that happened with a lot of older creepypastas, which is why nobody reads them anymore, unfortunately.

⠀⠀⠀･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

If you introduce magical or paranormal elements to your characters story or world, it’s good to make some rules and limitations, and stick to them consistently throughout your story.

⠀⠀⠀･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

For example, if you want a realistic OC but you want some paranormal touches, in my AU, I have “Portals” that characters use for transportation.

I blended them into the environment I’ve set up, there are no flashy effects or sparkles like in a cartoon, they’re barely noticeable and I don’t mention them often to keep them feeling mysterious, they’re designed to fit the tone and genre of the world I’ve created.

By keeping stuff subtle and fitting to the setting, they feel more natural and believable within the story’s context, if that makes sense (?).

If you want it to be unrealistic and crazy: ROCK ON!! GO FOR IT!!

⠀⠀⠀･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

There’s such a weird debate about “overpowered” OCs, but in my opinion, it’s not an issue if done right.

⠀⠀⠀･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Even if your character has supernatural abilities or powers, what makes them engaging is how they use these abilities.

They can be incredibly strong for sure, but what are their vulnerabilities, flaws, and limits? These are what will keep them relatable and grounded.

For example, a character might have immense magical powers, but if they struggle with personal relationships or moral dilemmas, that adds depth and makes the reader see them as a character worth getting emotionally invested with.

⠀⠀⠀･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

A character might be deeply affected by their trauma, but it’s interesting to make them grow or change throughout the story.

⠀⠀⠀･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

If they’re stuck in a constant state of depression or anger without evolving, the story can quickly become like every other 2016 creepypasta OC.

Show how they cope (or fail to cope) over time and the results of everything that happened to them.

Leaving room for reader interpretation is always a plus in my eyes.

To me it’s always fun to see what you guys think of my OCs/characters. This helps see what your character has that is sticking out and some new ideas could pop into your head too.

⠀⠀⠀･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

A lot of creepypasta stories begin by trying to make readers instantly feel bad for the character, usually by dumping a tragic backstory or trauma.

⠀⠀⠀･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

This can work, trauma is what makes an OC basically ..but it often leads readers to downplay or justify the character’s later violent actions, it’s not as interesting and reduces the shock factor.

To avoid this kinda thing, focus on gradually revealing the reasons behind their behavior rather than dumping all the backstory upfront.

Using the characters actions and interactions with other characters to reveal their past/emotions is very easy to do and it effective to get your OCS lore across without sharing information randomly throughout a good story.

By sharing randomly/dumping, I mean:

“They were in a car crash, their whole family died in the car crash, they have PTSD now.”

You see what I mean? It just sounds.. ehh.

⠀⠀･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Thanks for reading hope this helped you!

#creepypasta #headcanon #asks open #creepypasta au #fanfic #au #creepypasta fandom #moon responds #fanfiction #alternate universe #creative writing #writing tips #creepypasta ocs

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a-d-nox · 1 year ago

Text

pac/pap: how can you be more honest with yourself?

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: what bad habit(s) are you struggling with? what happens when you drop your bad habit(s)? what to keep in mind as you break your bad habit(s)?

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

it is past time for you to be extremely honest with yourself. you need to sit down and take an honest look at your situation and where you wish to be/go in life. make a list of your toxic/unhealthy thoughts, habits, and coping mechanisms. it's time to do some shadow work on why these traits, ideas, and habits are getting in the way of you living your best life. you have to ask yourself and answer these questions honestly: if it feels good in the moment, why do you feel bad/negatively after? if it is the poison, how can it also be the cure?

pile two

i feel freudian right now... how are things with your parents? i feel like some connection (or lack of one) with one of your parents is bothering right know. did something big just happen for you? did you want to share it with them, but you stopped yourself from doing so? it's time to ask yourself what is it that is truly stopping you from reaching out? are you punishing them, or are you punishing yourself? you need to take better care of yourself mentally and physically - focus on wellness and spend some time outside. care for your environment, so your external and internal self feels better. why do you believe you deserve your current situation and environment anyway?

pile three

opportunities are all around you - why aren't you taking them? i feel like you are stewing. you are in this mindset of thinking you don't have what it takes to do what you want or find what you want. that just is not true - you are in your own way, but why is that? why aren't you taking action on your goals and dreams? is it because you fear failure or is it because you fear reward (as weird as that my sound)? stay open and put yourself out there - why can't you trust that the divine is on your side and has great things in store for you?

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howlsofbloodhounds · 18 days ago

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THANK YOU for pointing out that killer probably wouldn't be diagnosed with DID bc he was an adult when all the bullshit happened

As a system I am honestly kinda tired of people saying he has DID especially since alot of them can't even tell you what it means

Of course. I’ve heard from both singlets (people who aren’t systems) and systems both for and against the idea of Killer having DID/OSDD1/being a system/being plural, and as im not a system, im not gonna comment on or control how systems choose to interpret or headcanon Killer.

But I am of the belief that misinformation should avoid being spread—both of Killer’s canon (not only purely on the basis of not being true, but because if people start believing Killer is canonically a system/has DID/OSDD1 and also is a literal serial killer, that has an understandably bad rep but it may cause people to harass or spread rumors about rahafwabas that aren’t true), and of already misunderstood stigmatized disorders. It also has fantasy themes such as magic, souls, monsters, time travel, Resetting, coming back from the dead multiple times, etc.

Killer is a character involved in themes of heavy abuse (captivity, high control groups, kidnapping, labor trafficking, cult elements, organized crime, etc) and these are all elements that require nuance and care in depicting seriously and respectively—which can be hard to do while also having to keep in mind stigma surrounding the idea of “murderous” or “evil” alter(s)—because these types of abusive controlling environments very often require victims to partake in illegal or harmful acts and behaviors to survive. And this can also very easily to maladaptive coping mechanisms that aren’t easily understood or pretty.

So im of the opinion that if people want to write killer as if he is plural/system and aren’t one themselves, they should both do research and speak to any plurals/systems willing to help them out—and in the actual writing, avoid using terms associated with the actual disorders such as DID, OSDD1, alter, host, persecutor, etc.

Not only because 1. killer was an adult when the trauma and abuse happened, so therefore he’s unlikely to be professionally diagnosed with those disorders even if he shows symptoms and presentations similar to them, and 2. killer himself wouldn’t know what he has and wouldn’t use those terms in relation to himself and his experiences.

He is not in any position to seek diagnosis or treatment or support —under Nightmare and with Chara, he is surviving. He may have a chance of that with Color and the Chromatic Crew in the Omega Timeline, but again—unless this is deliberately an AU where all this trauma happened and stuff when he was an actual child—he likely wouldn’t be diagnosed with it.

So instead it’d be best to focus on his lived experiences regardless of what dissociative disorder one decides to write him with—and use the terms he applies to himself or ones he may apply to himself, such as his numbered hierarchical understanding of his SOUL and its Stages (either something he came up with to make sense of his own experiences, or something that was decided for him by external forces such as Chara or Nightmare.) and perhaps use words like “my stage(s),” “my other,” “my other half,” “when I’m like that,” etc.

And if the topic of Killer having DID ever comes up in the story, such as another character asking him or another Stage if he has it, dont feel the need to confirm it. Not only because Killer himself likely wouldn’t know, but also because he likely doesn’t exactly fit the full criteria for a diagnosis in a canon adjacent story where he was an adult when it all happened.

Of course that’s my opinion, not really important in the grand scheme of things—im not a system—but there it is. Systems, as always, can add and chime in as they wish—and correct any misinformation or misunderstanding if they want.

#canon k1ll_sans #dissociative killer #cw dissociation #cw trafficking #cw abuse #cw trauma #killer sans #utmv #sans au #sans aus #killer!sans #undertale au #killertale #undertale something new #undertalesomethingnew #something new sans #something new au #something new #killertale sans

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hectorthedoggo · 5 months ago

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Mahiru decides it’s her turn to do the parenting of es (inno verdict au)

THIS IS SO BAD OH MY GOd but if you guys wanna read it i suppose food is food. i am going on hiatus after this one (if all goes well) (I do have ~1.8k of next fugue chapter done but... i don't like it...)

start of character study fic that i never finished

When Mahiru was young, she had once found a baby bird in her yard. It had fallen from the nest, and it seemingly had nowhere to go.

It begged, yelled, for anyone to help it. Mahiru had excitedly taken it in, cradling it as gently as possible, finding all sorts of books in the library on how to take care of a baby bird.

As she had grown closer to it, in taking care of it, watching it grow, a new sense of pride came in. And, a new feeling, she would come to know, as posessiveness.

She didn’t hang out with her friends, instead opting to watch it hop around in her little homemade nest.

Eventually, her parents caught on, and explained to her, with slight horror, that she had done something bad.

But, they never explained what about it was bad. They didn’t let her outside often, after that incident.

But, she never learned from the incident.

It always stuck in her head, as she pined through reading romance, of the idea of one true love, one to fawn over until they both died, a love that lasted through trials and tribulations.

As the world threw more and more issues and expectations at her, she decided to latch onto that idea. Just as she had found that bird in her backyard, she believed it was fate.

The next time she had met the bird from her childhood was with Ren. He was crying on the school rooftop, and Mahiru took one look at him.

She knew.

So, she softly introduced herself, asking him what was wrong.

The rest was history.

He was dead. He was dead. He was dead.

The one she thought would stay with her, forever, gone.

And it might’ve been just because of her.

Yapping yapping

Milgram used to be empty. There used to be nothing, a sense of doubt. The INNOCENT verdict changed everything.

She realized how true her love was. How perfect it was.

Post highlighting ideas

Okay guys so you have heard of overly-paternal Shidou. Now get ready for: overly-maternal Mahiru. (maybe in a fic). I just wanna explain my reasoning for believing in this so that it doesn’t seem sudden IF she gets like this.

Mahiru and Shidou are foils for a reason.

She’s in love with ‘love’, which can be interpreted as a lot. It could be interpreted as romantic, yes, but also platonic.

Yes, her guilty verdict didn’t do good, but imagine what an INNOCENT verdict would do. She would assume her idea of love is correct (it isn’t). (even with the guilty verdict, she kept kinda believing in love. *shivers*)

And, drawing from the bf was already suicidal mentality, that’s a sort of “i can fix him” mentality she took there. Like, finding an injured baby bird, and taking care of it to feel better about herself, despite accidentally ruining its future.

It doesn’t matter if it’s romantic in nature or not; she’s in love with the idea of taking care of sometihng.

That mentality would get WORSE. Because, I’m assuming she used love as a coping mechanism; which, would be expemplified in a stressful environment such as milgram.

I think they all need fixing, but guess who is ALONE. Guess who is young, pathetic, and not coping well with an environment they were forced into.

Guess who’s the equivilant of an injured baby bird. That’s right folks: Es Milgram.

I think it would start with minor things, like checking in with them.

And, they would want the comfort, they would crave it, but insist otherwise. She would figure out their craving, and OH GOOD LORD.

Someone’s not getting their complaints listened to (they don’t know better they don’t know true love_

She would fall deeper and deeper into her mentality of ‘they need my help, it’s so domestic’ ‘i’m useful this way’ ‘this is almost like my purpose’

I actually know someone who’s kinda like this (less intense ofc), but with dogs and children and says it’s kinda like this. So. i have some backing for this mentality.

She would enjoy taking care of them, too much. She would sing them to sleep, she would bring their meals, encourage them to rest, basically be an impromptu mother. (fluff except es is slowly watching their sense of agency and therefore get taken away from them)

But, she would also get a little exhausting to be around, to keep up with. They’re constantly getting their sense of authority undermined, but they’ve also become a little addicted to love

And that’s fitting perfectly into the gender roles she loves, too. She’s def vibing.

Eventually, it would get to be too much, and they would start locking their door unless they have a moment of weakness and open the door for her.

Which, would increase her relentless knocking. Mahiru’s known to be relentless in terms of her love (breakup ritual and shi)

I think eventually, they would give up, and simply let her in, asking her to leave them alone.

T2 she would get a guilty verdict because audience can’t deal with her.

And i think that would make her WORSE, like accidentally guilt-tripping them to why she got a guilty verdict;

Es would have an emotional attachment to her (accident), and that would make things worse for them. Bc. guilty verdict

idk tho i’ll probably just gonna write some comfort scenes from this au. It would probably be called ‘nestling’ or smth like that :D es would get comfort but at what cost (sickfic cauesd by trying to stay away from Mahiru)

Adding on about traditional family roles; shidou could potentially also participate in this madness. He could end up being the mediator, like the “i agree but maybe leave this kid alone”

Meanwhile, this whole time, Es is trying to hold onto their sense of identity, they hate being ‘babied’. dumpsterfire

es just wants to be warden please stop adding them to the “new (unhealthy) family 💛🩶🩵” gc

#excuse to write a platonic yandere fic #because i really really wanna do that for like a period of 30 minutes then look back on it like tf why would i write thsi #would i be forgiven if i wrote a fic like that vote now on your phones # but would you guys gen wanna see this

Es weakly coughed, curling up on their bed, trying to ignore everything. Their eyes and nose leaaked, and they were utterly pathetic and fatigued.

There was a knock on their door. “Es? Es, can I come in? Sorry, you’re really worrying me…”

Please. Please, god, just leave me alone.

“Mahiru- please… go away…” Their voice was parched; they hadn’t wanted to go out and get water. Holing myself up seemed like the best solution, but…

“Es? Oh no, sweetie, you really don’t sound good. Are you sure you’re alright?”

Please leave me alone. “Go…”

The rapid knocking resumed. “Es, c’mon. Let me in… I’ll make you your favorite~!”

I’ve never had a favorite. I just needed the food.

Their head shot through with pain, and they let out a little whimper.

She gasped. “Oh no! You’re sick!” No shit, Sherlock. “C’mon, Es, you’re going to have to let me in… sickness can be very bad, if left alone like this! Y’know, just having someone with you can increase healing!”

I bet she read that in a magazine. She is right, though. I do need food, I do need to drink, I definitely need sleep.

I just… can’t. Not with her around. I was just trying to cut her off, to get her away from me. Why isn’t she going? It’s been 2 days, she’s literally slept outside of my room.

“Es?”

This feels like a horror movie. Please.

Another knock.

Something in them broke. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t die here, so I have to be dependent. Honestly, though…

They used the last bits of their strength to open the door, to let her in.

She looked like she had been crying, but immediately scooped their weak self up into her arms. I hate this. Please, let me go.

They didn’t have the voice to say that. It wasn’t as if she’d listen. She ran her hand through their hatless hair. “Wah! Es, I’ll just have to wash this. But I’ll have to feed you, first.”

Get away from me. I could’ve done that myself, it’s just… they shivered. I’m scared of her.

Hey, at least I understand her boyfriend a little more, a beaten up optimism pointed out. My opinion doesn’t matter. With that MV, I’m pretty sure she’s going to get guilty.

It doesn’t matter my opinion on the matter. It would be biased.

She kept cradling them, forgetting about their other basic needs, before they coughed. “Ah right! I’m so scatterbrained. Here, Es. I’ll lay you down, and bring the food to you. I’ll be right back with water, then I’m going to prepare the food!”

They didn’t know what to say. They didn’t know what to think.

She hummed, a stark contrast to the earlier desperation in her voice, as she moved them towards their bed, gently tucking them in.

“Alright, Es. I’ll be right back, don’t you worry!”

As soon as she left, they allowed themself some tears. I really don’t like this. This isn’t who I am. I can’t be doted on like this, I need to be working.

She won’t let me get a word in. I’m not sure what to think around her.

a/n: TOP FIVE ways to let a teen KNOW you LOVE them!!

Check in on them during their every waking hour

This is a sure sign that you love them. Really makes them feel seen!

(if they lock their door (totally by accident)) sleep outside their room for days on end :D

A great way to demonstrate care, and loyalty! Persistence is key!!

Make them lose their sense of identity

Don’t worry, they didn’t need it anyways! They don’t need to be warden!! That’s not important to you, and it shouldn’t continue.

Care for them when they get sick (totally not because they were trying to avoid interactions with you)

Teehee what are you talking about? It must be some outer source of stress!

It’s really fun when they’re dependent!! Cherish that!!

Don’t let them discourage you!

It only matters that you enjoy this love. They might be a little unreceptive, but they’ll warm up to you! It might just take a bit!

^ Make sure to repeat the first 4 steps to assure them you’re not leaving, no matter how hard they try!! They’re just misguided, dw!! :)

#i'm not maintagging this #i should make a tag called: i bang es against a wall repeatedly for fun #but that would just be the #fanfic #tag

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camilasstories · 1 year ago

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❝feeling unreciprocated❞ chapter 2 | jungkook x reader

summary: Sleeping with one guy after feeling rejected wasn't a good idea, but sleeping with another one and another seemed to be even worse plan. Especially with your handsome crush behind the wall, who is as confused as you about your ways of coping with a broken heart.

warnings: +18

note: Thank you so much for your feedback! I couldn't believe how many of you liked the first chapter, it means a lot. I'm not sure whether my style of writing is good enough, I tend to write long descriptions of mundane things which might be boring to read, but I think it's real and gives a lot to the story. Let me know, I may improve the story :) Have a nice day!

trailer | chapter 1 | next chapter

It was suffocating to know that you were almost cheating on your true feelings right in the moment. You couldn’t breath from guilt building in your heart as it felt completely terrible to consciously muffle them down just so you may find peace when he was in your presence. So you could remain emotionless to the joy that came from interacting with Jungkook.

It was so wrong but so right at the same time, giving you nightmares and surprisingly rest in mind. It would be easy one thing, you thought, and it would be all done with this specific guy and Jungkook forever. You wished this night would close the most distraught chapter in your life so you had prepared seeing it coming up to a close. Before he came, in the morning you were breathing steadily while looking at the plain white ceiling trying to remind yourself when did you fall asleep. The fact that you weren’t woken up by your alarm signalled it was earlier than usual so you just stayed in your bed a little bit longer with intention to make yourself a warm coffee in a moment. The reason your body decided to wake up at five o’clock may have been becuase of your brain knowing you were waiting for a reply from this guy. Magically, it wanted you to get the answer as fast as possible and stop worrying about whether he thought if you were crazy or not. In the evening you managed to take a long, hot shower which was previously interrupted by a message, but it fulfilled its function as it released the tension from your muscles.

You didn't want to use your phone right then. You made an excuse that the reason behind it was just to start this morning differently and perhaps break a bad habit, but to be honest you were still wondering if a hookup was a decent idea and if your decision-making device in your head was in order those days. Probably not, however it was the first step to drag yourself away from Jungkook. Once you tried to suggest him somebody in his environment may have feelings form him, but he brushed it off with a laugh saying it's too bad as he was not interested in anyone that time. So you presumed that if he's not attracted even to hot girls in a club then it felt like you did not stand a chance with him really, so trying to make him see you more than just a far friend was pointless in your opinion. Maybe if he had showed some signs that he was interested in a romantic way, you would have taken the action, but he gave you nothing apart from your movie nights and saying hello during the day. It was the moment you felt rejected even if you didn't confess to him and you didn't get the answer. It was clear enough and you weren't even mourning. It was like it was. The whole situation got accepted by you, just not by your heart, but you were slowly handling it.

When you went out of your room you knew he was in a flat. Keys that were laying on the foyer console hit you with thought that yesterday you didn't have a opportunity to see Jungkook after your movie night which you found quite odd comparing to the other ones that were full of jokes and just light atmosphere. You had no idea when he got home, but his keys gave away his presence, which made you settle down. For some reasons you felt calmer when you knew he got home safe, that he was near although you might have not exchanged any words. It didn't matter. Perhaps, it would change soon, you came to conclusion as you analyzed your texts with a guy named Hyun Won.

At the beginning they were quite normal texts where two people wanted to know something more about each other... until they weren't and it wasn't even a slow process. They soon intensified and escalated to the point you doubted who you really were. Topics changed drastically to more nasty ones and he got straight to the point you wanted to make from the start. You just didn't get the answer from him as he became inactive.

You winced at your cringey ways.

"Fuck it, now or never" you murmured against your mug with coffee and entered your password "Please, just don't block me, stranger".

To your surprise it didn't happen, though it made you look like a simple night lady, which wasn't something you were proud of, but hey! You had a fine explanation for it - people your age were doing the same things and maybe even worse over and over again. And sex? Sex was normal, right? Okay, maybe not with strangers, this part was obvious, but again it was totally normal to make love spontaneously. Moreover, there was a new message written at one in the morning in your box "can't wait to see you in bed this evening", so the guy was keen on meeting with you, therefore it couldn't be that horrible. He didn't shoo you off. You read it again with frowned eyebrows because you believed there was something you had missed.

"This evening?" you touched your forehead with your hand letting out a groan "This can't be...".

And another one that came after it: "your place?"

You were hoping to do it rather somewhere else than in your apartment, but what would be more responsible in this situation? Be killed in somebody's house and as a result nobody would be able to find your body or in yours where everyone knew where you lived? Well, both options sucked to be honest. He would have known where you resided if you invited him over. You consented in the end hoping Jungkook would be away at some party which was highly likely. And it happened. He did informed you again he would be out this evening. It made you roll your eyes in annoyance you felt knowing there was no hope to make him change his mind so you could text the guy you couldn’t meet, that something important popped up and you’re truly sorry which would be a lie. But Jungkook decided unconsciously not to make your life easier and there you were giving yourself to a guy you knew only from the Internet and his skills in bed that he wanted to show instantly in your bedroom.

“Fuck, baby” you heard husky voice in your ear while your body shivered from cold as you found yourself in situation where no material was covering your skin “You’re a fucking angel, I hope you know that”.

You were completely naked, laying on your bed waiting for his moves as you didn’t have enough courage to take initiative, but he seemed not to mind. You felt light, feather kisses going from your jaw down to your collarbones which made you close your eyes. It felt weird, pleasant but odd as your body was becoming covered in red marks and tracks of teeth.

“Thank you” you whispered touching his chest with your hand as if you wanted him to slow down the peace, but he didn’t get the signal which irritated you much “Could you please do it slower?” you gasped as it hit you even harder.

He was muscular and handsome even but he wasn’t a good listener, though he did everything like it should be. He brought you flowers, a small cute bouquet that now beautifully decorated your foyer, but soon after he had given them to you, he grasped your hips tightly bringing you closer to his body and smashed his lips into yours starting your way to your room. Like he was trying to be a gentleman whom he wasn’t, but at least he tried to mimic gestures and actions that could only resemble a guy with good manners.

“Shit, but I want you so bad” he moaned in your lips thrusting into you harder and harder which didn’t hurt fortunately, but it could, seeing only lust forming in his eyes “So bad, angel. I think I might be coming” he groaned keeping his peace the way he wished not really taking into consideration your needs.

You weren’t close although it felt good to have his hands wandering on your waist and sometimes grabbing one of your breast and caressing it with fingers. But it wasn’t even near to your fantasy dreams with Jungkook in the main role which made you slightly wet even with just thinking about such kind of scenario. You felt shame when the ideas came to your mind but you couldn’t help it sometimes when you caught his smile towards you contemplating if it meant something more. Often you were dragged away by your feelings immersing yourself in pleasure of dreaming about him in general which was not right in the end.

“I don’t want you to come yet” you commanded whining as you sensed your plan didn’t work. As if you wanted to postpone the intercourse because somehow you wanted it to work, to finally change your view of Jungkook in your helpless mind.

It would have to work. There was no way it wouldn’t.

“I know, I know” he cooed holding your hand “Wanna change positions?” he hided his face in your neck trying to shoo away pleasant feeling down his body.

“If it helps” you murmured against his skin knowing it could prevent it from ending the intercourse “Please” moan escaped your lips as he touched you down there with just a tip of his finger.

You pulled yourself up with his help in a hurry and bended on your elbows so he could take you from behind. You heard his deep sigh as he entranced you feeling even much better than before having the access to the deepest parts of your body. It seemed like you felt nothing but physical pleasure and it wasn’t something you wanted to achieve. Your aim was different - you wanted to scream forgetting all about your roommate by hanging out with Hyun Woo. Not just orgasm.

Emotions soon managed to overwhelm you. It was too much for you to handle as you were expecting something more than just a quick fuck with your mind wandering to Jungkook over and over. You uncontrollably let yourself a quite sob knowing it didn’t work. How fucked up it was to hook up with a guy to forget about the other one? It was even more strange that you thought this way was the most reasonable and that dating others would change your point of view.

“Oh, are you crying baby? I didn’t know you are this close” he took a pride in it while having his hand on your butt “Let it go, come with me”.

You just nodded your head so he could take it as as a inverbal yes knowing for yourself it wasn’t true, but how much you wanted it to be. He couldn’t even imagine, in your opinion. You wished it to work, but all you could think about was Jungkook having fun at Vixen’s with his friends and god knew who else.

“You are amazing” he still gave you compliments, but your head wasn’t there.

You weren’t present desiring it to be over so you could lay alone in your bed after having changed your sheets to fresh ones. Your room smelled like sex, this strange smell of light sweat, manly cologne and mint preservatives mixed with the smell of your lavender washing liquid on your clothes and balsams on your skin. If someone had entered your room, he would have guessed you weren’t alone this night, but there was nobody that could really check on you apart from definitely drunk right now Jungkook. But it was too early for him to come home as he tended to come back from 2 a.m. to the early morning.

“I’m so close, fuck”.

You felt how fast he was going with the sounds of slaps against your body which you endured bravely with your fists clenched on your pillow. Soon, he pulled out not wanting to come in you. He did wear condom though and he held it while pulling his cock out to make sure it wouldn’t slip. At least, there was one person that was reasonable in this flat.

You looked around searching for your clothes while he was taking off the condom.

“That was it, I suppose…” you said a little bit awkwardly stroking your thigh from nerves.

As long as there was tension between two of you you felt confident, but it was gone and so was your feeling of casualty and calmness. It made distress you, there was no doubt in it. It was nice to have somebody new in your life, another story to tell and laugh at it, but you were disappointed to say it didn’t do much with your feelings.

“Thanks for your time” you hurried up to find your shirt laying on the floor so you could put it on.

“Can we catch up later?”

The question was totally unexpected as you thought he knew it was just a hook up. You bit your lower lip trying to find a solid lie. You weren’t sure if he was playing with you or he was serious, but you didn’t want to risk hurting his feelings. You knew from autopsy what was it like to like someone who didn’t exactly care about your crush.

“We will be in touch, for sure” you assured him with a fake but soft smile “I just don’t know when I would need…” you tried to find appropriate word but nothing came to your mind.

“A bit fun?” he looked up at you with a grin while putting his boxer on.

“Yeah…” you chuckled amused at least once during this evening, you didn’t want to insult him “We can say that”.

“Great” he smiled to himself gathering his things “Because I’m looking forward to meet with you again. It was a nice treat I must say” Hyun winked at you half-naked.

“I can say the same thing” you put on you rest of your clothes “Thanks for the flowers again” you murmured thinking of his kind gesture from before.

“You’re welcome” he shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing.

You watched carefully as he tighten his belt totally lost in his thoughts. You caught him giving you some glances, so you presumed he wanted to say something, but you weren't sure if you wanted to know what it was. Frankly speaking, for you it was a final and it shouldn't have happened in the first place, but you didn't regret it. Just a new experience.

“Can I kiss you?” he blurted up suddenly.

"What?" you almost choked with air looking straight at his face and then you bite your lips realizing your reaction was too harsh "Sorry, well... I don't think it's... a good idea" you nodded your head to somehow prove your rightness.

He smiled.

“Listen, I feel like it would be our last meeting. You say nice things, but… Just by looking at you, I know you won’t call me again or text me” he sealed his lips in a line and scratched his neck “One kiss, only one? Please”.

He was right. You hoped it was your last meeting and that no more ideas like this would came to your mind.

"Why would you want us to kiss again?" you asked folding your arms "It was just a hookup... I think you know it".

"I know it, so?"

You sighed rubbing your face with your hand trying to focus. Why would he want it to continue? He was supposed to get his things and go out through your doors without any strings attached and you are supposed to close this door and forget about love, boyfriends and all of this shit. But it might have been too simple, too ideal. As always nothing was going as it should have.

He came closer and grabbed your face waiting for your approval. You weren't sure if you should let him do it, maybe it wouldn't do any more harm. Just a small kiss. A peck. Nothing more.

You saw him lowering his head. You still hadn't made your decision contemplating in your mind if it was okay for you to kiss again.

“Hyun Woo…” you took his hands in yours and pulled it away “You should go now”.

It wasn't okay. Not with this state of mind.

"Nice play, baby".

You knew what he exactly meant. You let him come closer, let him believe he would have the chance to touch your lips last time and he was ready for it, but you stopped him. And he wasn't happy about it seeing his facial expression.

"Go, I mean it".

"Yeah, I should go".

You walked with him to your door, passing by flowers from him in a vase and the second he stepped out your flat you shut the door and locked it. It was wrong of you, but from the beginning it wasn't something serious so you allowed yourself for rudeness for once. You just set the boundary he must respected, that was it. Nothing you were guilty of.

You looked around your empty flat, it was almost midnight so it was likely in two or three hours Jungkook would come to your flat silently kicking off his shoes. Then he would bump once or twice on the wall as he wouldn't be sober and he would go back to his room to end his night. You covered your face feeling burning in your eyes, but you didn't allow the tears to fall down. It was your idea in the end, it didn't work, but at least you tried to burn down these feelings.

"Get over it" you mumbled to yourself and made your way back to your room.

You didn't fall asleep until you heard the sound of unlocking the door and clashing keys which gave you a comforting signal Jungkook came back home safely.

It was Sunday so it was odd that you were already on your feet picking your outfit. You grabbed your oversized, soft, beige sweatpants, tight, white camis and long socks in the same colour. This set made you desire to come back to your bed, but you were adamant to make use of the morning as you tend to wake up late during the weekend to make up for the lost sleep. Your courses weren't getting easier so your lifestyle was becoming more and more unhealthy each day. This was your day to relax and gain some energy for the rest of your afternoon and evening.

Mentally you were exhausted, mainly because of yesterday's night and the fact that Hyun decided not to let you forget he was present in your room and in your life. Firstly, he had left his undershirt under your night desk. Secondly, he texted you when he got back home and he was waiting for the reply. So it wasn't over yet, but you decided not to make something big out of it and you didn't even read the message from him and the garment he left was thrown into the trash bin under your sink. You had to take the garbage out, anyway.

You had taken your planner with you and made your way to the kitchen, where the first thing you did was to open the blinds to refresh yourself with sunbeams. Then you put the kettle on and made your favorite coffee to start the day.

You took a sip and then you started to scribble in your planner. Apart from your romantic failures you remembered well your other problems and sadly you had to take care of them too. Your finances were tight these month as you spent a good amount on your laptop that decided to log out from life this time forever. Of course you worked hard during summer to earn more money. If it hadn't been for your note-gathering device, you wouldn't have problem with budgeting, but well it was time to find yourself a casual work to pay the rent. Even if you split it between you and Jungkook the cost was still high as you were living almost in the city centre. You couldn't be still depended on your parents, though they still bankrolled you in some ways telling you it's they duty until you are still studying which you were grateful for.

It was almost nine when you finished planning your budget, ten when you finished eating your breakfast and Jungkook still didn't show up or at least leave his room to take a shower. He must have passed out drunk if he slept to this hour. If he was at Vixen's again, but you weren't sure if it was the place he went to. You cleaned your mess in the kitchen and grabbed a thick, long cardigan. You wanted to take a walk to clear up your head, but just before you left the place a black car had appeared in front of your block and you saw familiar faces approaching your doors.

"Hi, (Y/N)!" you discerned your roommate's friends Namjoon and Jimin at once, quite surprised they were here at this early our "Is Jungkook home?"

"I think he's still sleeping, but yes" you chuckled seeing him rolling his eyes "Were you supposed to meet with him now?" you asked folding your arms to warm yourself up as you overestimated the weather this time.

"Yes" Namjoon scratched his neck thinking heavily and put a question politely "Would you mind if we..."

"No, of course not" you knew right away what he wanted to ask and of course you didn't mind "Come in" you came back to your flat this time with two guys following you to the living room.

You didn't know each other well, but you believed Namjoon was the kindest and always starting the conversations with you. First time you two met, you were kind of uncomfortable as Jungkook also didn't tell you somebody would be with him, and you had been standing in your door in comfy pants and white crop-top with your famous pink slippers with big flamings on them. He wasn't judgmental, he had just smiled at you and started a chit-chat, while the rest of the group stayed in his car waiting for them to hurry up because they were already late for a birthday's party. You didn't meet Jimin in reality, you knew him from Jungkook's story and you sometimes checked his social media, but nothing more.

"I'm (Y/N), by the way" you said to a new guest.

"I know" he chuckled sitting on your legendary sofa "Namjoon showed me your profile and some photos. Sorry if it sounded creepy" he made himself clear right away after he had seen your confused expression.

You started grabbing Jungkook's things and yours so his friends could feel less overwhelmed by your small mess. His pads from the console and your DVD's that weren't even scratched after all these years of having them in your possession. They were a gift from your sister after she had moved out from city so it was no way you would damage them in any way.

"Sorry for the mess, he hasn't told me you were going to come" you explained and smiled at them having all these things in your hands.

"Just leave it, (Y/N)" Namjoon waved his arm at you "He could move his lazy ass too" you giggled, but did it anyway not wanting to leave the room in front of them looking like that.

"He'll get out soon guys" you informed as you heard a noise of opening doors from Jungkook's room and running water in a bathroom, so you guessed he had woken up and started getting ready "Do you want something to drink?" you asked and just before you took a step towards the kitchen your phone started buzzing.

"No, but thanks" they both replied so you let yourself take phone in your hands again this morning to check who was bothering your peace.

Another messages were waiting for you to open them and all of them were from Hyun Won, unfortunately he didn't give up. You looked at the display of notifications and rolled your eyes. He made quite sexual remarks in them so you would have hidden under the ground if someone had read them right now. You put your phone away, but it didn't stop giving out rings and sounds, which made you even more mad at yourself that you texted him first.

"Wow, it seems like someone desires your attention" Jimin winked at you with a playful smirk "Who's that?"

"Nobody, really" you answered his uncomfortable question knowing he didn't have anything bad in mind, you presumed he just wanted to have something you could talk about as you two just met "Just a... friend. I guess" you were getting lost in your words as you didn't know how to cover the subject without disclosing details to almost a stranger. You only trusted Gia with these matters, but this time you weren't sure if you would like to share it, even with her.

"Jungkook! Did you know your cute roommate has a boyfriend?" he shouted which met with Namjoon's deadly stare "I would check him out if I were you" he tried to hover over the table a take a look at your screen, but you took your phone immediately from reach of his sight.

"Jimin!" Namjoon pushed him back to the sofa, but his action was met with a loud laugh from intruder and you just blushed at the previous words heavily. You wanted to get out from here as quick as possible because no way you could handle his friends knowing how much impact Jungkook's topic had on you.

"Stop saying shit" you mumbled embarrassed to Jimin "It's not my boyfriend" you didn't know why you were even explaining yourself to him, it wasn't your obligation, but you wanted to make it clear so no gossips could travel to the ears of Jungkook's circle of friends.

"But soon to be one?"

"What did you read?" you raised your eyebrow quite angry with him inside.

"Not much, but enough to know what is going on" he winked at you in a friendly way.

"Oh, shut your mouth, Jimin" Namjoon slapped his head "You're making her uncomfortable".

It was really not okay to look at private text and of course you got mad until you reminded yourself that you did the same thing with Jungkook so you just sighed with a mild smile. You weren't going to be hypocrite.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have" he said to you still being in a good mood and trying not to beam too much "I was just kidding".

"It's okay, just..."

"Stop harassing my roommate, fuckers" Jungkook said entering the room "She pays half of my bills" he added.

He had in fact overheard the conversation, but didn't made out everything as running water muffled their voices. Despite strongly believing in his friends' ways with girls, he decided to hurry up as he didn't think leaving you to take care of them alone was a good idea since they were very specific. The first thing he was worried about was you getting overwhelmed by them and silly things they tended to say, the second one was Jimin's flirtatious nature that could effectively scare you off. It felt like it was his responsibility to keep his friends in check. Especially when you kindly welcomed them, although you could have ignored them and keep minding your own business. He didn't even blow-dry his hair.

"Talking about finances in lady's presence? Where are your manners?" he was met with a snarky comment.

"Fuck off, Jimin".

"You look like shit, man" Namjoon changed the topic and it seemed like he noticed his unhealthy appearance too, but Jungkook answered nothing not wanting to raise a subject in your presence and you noticed it right away.

"Morning" he murmured towards you with a soft voice and you just smiled sadly in return which he didn't catch as he turned back taking his energetic from the fridge "You can throw them out the door next time. You have my allowance".

"Thanks, Jungkook" you saw Jimin folding his arms "I love being your friend, seriously".

"And I don't" Jeon opened the can and shrugged his shoulders looking at you "Make them wait, don't bother to even get up".

"I wouldn't do that, you know it" you shook your head and bended down to put your mug to the dishwasher.

Jungkook watched you carefully as you lower down your body.

Your white cami had a large neckline so it exposed your chest even more when you leaned down giving him the full view of your breast and even the scratch of your light pink bra. Both of the garments had a lace on them so it gave him girly vibes which in his opinion suited you well. He licked his lips hooking against his ring. To him, you came as a the nicest girl who couldn't hurt even a fly and he liked your presence and he? He was the opposite, which kind of prevented him unconsciously from bending with you or creating any relationship apart from being your friend. It was sufficient regarding his ways. Jungkook was a heavy partier, you were stay-at-home person, at least he had such a view of you and it wasn't something negative. He was just attractive to different type of girls and he liked their attention and that there was no drama in his life because both sides knew what they were signing for. With you it would be completely another story, he would have to go out of his comfort zone if he had something in mind with you. Relationships were something new to him and he didn't want to explore it.

But when he noticed some red marks on your breast which had signs of trying helplessly to cover them with some concealer his mind went numb. The hickeys on your soft body which he discovered by accident didn't get slipped through his sight and then he connected the dots. The flowers in the foyer, your tired expression and signs of sex on your skin. Were you with some guy yesterday when he wasn't home? He got lost in thoughts. He wasn't sure, because when he came back all the lights were down and there was silence so he knew you were asleep or at least laying in your room.

Maybe naked, which kind of turned him on and made him feel guilty.

But it couldn't be, right? He didn't catch any tracks of a guest or maybe he was just too drunk to notice them. Moreover, you never invited anyone to your house and he didn't either to respect each other spaces and boundaries. And you didn't have a boyfriend, but maybe something changed. He felt something weird inside, like a small, mischievous sting which was enough to bother him in some ways.

He let it go with a frowned expression on his face. It wasn't his business whether you were dating somebody, it shouldn't be at least, but when he heard the scream from the living room about you having somebody and Jimin's remark about you being cute he got irritated and rapidly put his boxers on to get out from the bathroom. He was going crazy, he thought madly about himself.

"You good?" Namjoon asked waking him up from his thoughts.

"Huh?" he looked at him realizing you were no longer present in the kitchen.

"You didn't answer her".

"Answer who?"

"(Y/N)" Jimin rolled his eyes and laid himself on the kitchen island having changed the previous place "She said goodbye to you".

Jungkook opened his lips as he got taken aback at first but quickly got himself together not to give his friends something to talk about. Was he really so lost in his thoughts? About you? He let out an angry sigh, he must have got himself together because he thought it was stupid of him to think about his roommate's love life and adding himself to its story. Jungkook didn't even know you well and the only thing he cared about was going to parties and get drunk. Although, he must admitted he liked Friday's evenings with you, it was something different from his routine. Something refreshing that managed to slow down his peace of life. He was always running enjoying his twenties not wanting to sit down for a minute being scared of losing his fun time and thanks to you Jungkook could have a moment of rest.

"I haven't heard" he admitted with a casual, not caring type of voice "Not a big deal, I'll see her later" but inside he hoped you didn't think of it as a insult or that he didn't want to talk with you.

"You watched her boobs then you didn't answer her and now you say it's not a big deal, huh?" Jimin put it bluntly and laughed with the oldest "Are you stupid or me?"

Me, Jungkook answered in his head with a twist. That was so wrong of him to think about you like that.

"We're not blind" Namjoon added sensing Jungkook was faking it "I mean, I wouldn't judge you. She is attractive, but apparently not free".

Not free. So perhaps you had a boyfriend which he didn't know about, but he convinced himself he couldn't care less.

"Fuck it" he took his gym bag from the foyer "She's just my roommate, not my interest. Let's go".

#bts fanfic #bts x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts #feeling unreciprocated #jungkook imagine #bts imagines

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