#[ just logging in bc i really miss some people ]

[babiebom]

Heyyy! I was wondering if u could do the bachelors & bachelorettes reactin to / dating an s/o who has really intense nose bleeds when they're stressed. But plot twist bc this is literally the norm for the farmer bc they have crippling anxiety, especially social.

Thank u sm!!

A/N: I don’t know why I thought this was funny??? My anxiety just makes my stomach upset but a nosebleed in front of everyone like some sort of anxious demon is funny. Not the clean up tho. I’ve never had a nosebleed but I know they bleed SO MUCH. Also no problemo!!! Always glad to get requests!! I did different things (so not just stressed because I would’ve written the same thing for anyone I made crush aspects as sort of for stress too lmao) for each hopefully they’re good enough!

Tw: cursing, blood, anxiety, the nose bleeds are VERY dramatic because it’s fiction lmao. Physical fights(in Leah’s part), arguments(in almost all of them). Pierre hate Pam hate(kinda) Demetrius hate Morris hate. And Kel is gender neutral! let me know if there’s anything else to tag!

Wc: idk lmao hopefully at least 100 words for each

Stardew Masterlist

Sebastian:

Just frowns

Actually helps unexpectedly

….we can never talk about this happening again if you want……

It’s not often that you get to see the towns resident emo, even after visiting Robin multiple times for various building needs. So when you wander into the house, looking for Robin so you can upgrade your coop, seeing him makes your brain malfunction.

“Oh…hey farmer.” He greets, moving past you to head further into the house. You blink for a second before returning the greeting, watching as his dark hoodie disappears behind a wall.

You try to force your breathing to slow down. There is absolutely NO reason you should be this worked up over a literal one second conversation. While you sit with your thoughts, foot steps fill your ears and the sight of Sebastian returning from wherever he went makes all of your progress regress. “So…you here waiting for my mom?”

You nod quickly, clearing your throat, “yeah…um…just need to upgrade my chicken coop.”

“Oh well, she’s not in today. She usually goes to Pierre’s store to work out with the other moms.”

You frown to yourself, how did you miss that she wouldn’t be in today? Damn now all you can think about is how you just made a fool of yourself. Lost in your thoughts, you miss that Sebastian had cleared his throat a couple times until he waves a hand in front of your face.

“If you want, I can take your order and tell her when she gets home later. That way she can get started tomorrow.”

“Would you?” Your heart flips as you perk up. Was he usually this nice? You kinda heard from Robin herself that Sebastian never really interacted with people he wasn’t already friends with.

“Yeah sure.” He shrugs and moves to go around the counter, setting his slowly cooling food down. “Okay so she usually charges 10,000g and you have to have 400 logs of wood and 150 things of stone. Sound right?”

You nod and hand over the bag of money. The second your hands touch it’s like your body decided it couldn’t handle anything else from him. Luckily he just takes the money and pretends like your nose hasn’t become a geyser as you scramble to try to keep the blood from dripping all over their furniture.

Sam:

WOAH DUDE IS THAT LIKE….NORMAL?

it’s like from a movie or something

Is overall sorta scared but at the same time thinks it’s cool

“And this is how I do a kick flip!” Sam shows you skateboard trick after trick and honestly you can’t get enough of it. It wasn’t a secret that the both of you had crushes on each other, and even now it was very obvious by how you were watching him do his tricks that you had feelings for him. Yet still you two weren’t in a relationship, just sort of friends who like each other in a romantic sort of way.

“You’re so cool!” You clap as he lands another trick.

“And you’re cute!”

“What?”

You freeze in your spot and watch in confusion as he sort of freezes midway through his next trick and crashes to the ground. His words echo in your head, making your face heat up and your heart soar. He smacks his face on the ground, sending you into a panic because now all you can think about is how he thinks you’re cute, and now how he probably has a concussion from hitting his face directly onto the concrete.

When he lifts his face off the ground, you’re kneeling next to him, trying to check on him. His forehead is bleeding, his nose is bleeding, and so is his mouth. You shriek and try to go through your backpack to see if you have anything to help him. You didn’t.

You already know where this is leading, and you let out a groan of annoyance right before your nose starts leaking just like his. His eyes widen and he lets out a loud laugh. Maybe you two can move out of the weird friendship you have after all.

Shane:

Would just stare silently

Like no comments no nothing

Doesn’t even act like it’s happening

Having a part time job at Joja Mart during the winter is one of the absolute worst ideas that you’ve had in a while. But you didn’t make a lot during your first year of farming. Stacking the products onto the shelves, your only saving Grace is the fact that you’re allowed to have earphones in. Except for the fact that Pam is now standing next to you asking loudly about where something is. Shane is stacking the shelves behind you.

“I don’t know Pam…the alcohol is probably on the wall in the back.” You frown at her. She obviously knows that you don’t know this store that well, you were a FARMER that NEVER shopped here before. She rasps out another question and it takes everything in you to not snap at her. Trying to calm yourself of course there’s gonna be something else that makes you lose your mind. That something is Morris, coming over and being the absolute WORST and in turn making Pam LOUDER and more insistent.

He’s lecturing you, Pam is agreeing with him way too loudly, the music on your headphones is now overwhelming instead of calming, and the sound of random things in the market is making you want to bite a chunk out of the loaves of bread in front of you, plastic and all. With everything building up inside of you, you already know what’s going to happen. It always happens, but instead of excusing yourself you stand there, staring Morris down as the blood begins to flow from your nostrils.

Pam yells out curses and Morris begins to stutter, but behind them Shane just stares for a second before continuing to work. When you’re finally left alone with him in the aisle as your two stressors hastily take their leave, all he does is let out a dry chuckle.

“Sam has a hell of a mess to clean up…”

Alex:

Oh DUDE your nose is like….LEAKING

Doesn’t help

Just watched and comments

“AND THEN HE HAS THE NERVE TO TELL PEOPLE THAT MY HARVESTS ARE HIS BUT HE ONLY DOES IT IF ITS GOOD!” You rant to the brown haired boy, pacing back and forth in his room. Thankfully both Evelyn and George were out so you weren’t bothering anyone except for the man in front of you.

You huff and puff as he watches, slightly amused slightly concerned. Alex wasn’t the best person to go to when you’re upset unless it was something absolutely devastating. So being in front of him now, complains about your farming woes meant that he was only half ass taking it seriously. “You should go and speak your mind.” He says.

Turns out you should NOT take advice from Alex. Standing in Pierre’s shop, you’re staring him down angrily, anxiety creeping up your throat from you trying to will yourself to call him out on his bullshit. The older man just kind of stares at you in confusion because all you had done was shout his name angrily as you entered the shop then stand in front of him seething.

“You….you…..” you point a finger at him. This was the moment, the moment you stand up for yourself and tell Pierre how HORRIBLE he is!

But of course things don’t work how you want and your nose gushes out blood all over the counter before you can work yourself up to the point of accusations. With a gasp you run out of the shop, hoping that he would keep his mouth shut with Alex running behind you laughing. Again, NEVER let Alex talk you into anything.

Elliott:

Panics

How do I help PLS LET ME HELP

Everything probably gets messy

Fishing had never been your favorite pastime, but now trying to fix up the community center you had to. Unfortunately Willy was gone and couldn’t properly teach you even though he had gifted you an old rod of his, so the next best thing is getting your boyfriend to teach you since he does fish often. Now you stand on the docks, waiting for a fish to bite the hook.

“Keep calm, the fish can feel your fear and it makes them upset.” Elliott spoke. In all honesty you didn’t even know if that was true or not, but you take in a breath to calm down. You did not want to be here all day you had cows to pet.

The second your line begins to pull you try to pull the fish in. And you succeed until it comes time to unhook the eel you managed to catch. The eel is slimy and slippery and all around not a good thing to try to grip. A shriek leaves your lips and the eel struggles, Elliott tries to help you but is also struggling to catch hold of it. And now your nose is bleeding adding another layer to the already hellish experience.

You’re unhappy, the eel is unhappy, and Elliott is unhappy. After what seems like an hour, the stupid thing slips out of your grips and back into the ocean, washing your nose blood off of it and splashing you with saltwater. 0 out of 10 you will not be trying again.

Harvey:

Calm but concerned(after panicking for a second)

Has a doctory approach to it

But is secretly like WTF inside

Your heart thumps in your chest as you sit on the clinic bed. It’s been a while since you’ve been in Harvey’s clinic, having taken a break from the mines, and somehow this seems more shameful than having been beaten almost to death by living slime. Your hands bleed into the cloth you have pressed into it. One of the pigs knocked you over into the broken fence you were in the middle of fixing. Now you sit waiting for the good looking Doctor.

When he walks in he’s all smiles, tapping his clipboard with his pen. “While I’m sad to see that you’re injured, I’m glad to see it isn’t from those mines again.” The eye contact he makes with you makes your heart twist for a second.

He starts speaking of all the shots you need and the antibiotics you need to take, rust poisoning is quite serious you know. “Now,” he says, moving towards you, “let me see your hand.”

Your heart thumps erratically at the close proximity of him and you. You only really ever got to see him this close when you were half dead and barely conscious. His face is much too close for you to be able to do anything but focus on how pretty his eyes are, and how fluffy his mustache is, and how…

“OH MY DEAR YOBA” He yelps and jumps away from you. It takes only a second after him to realize what’s going on, and now your furiously wiping away at your nose with your hands instead of with the cloth, and he’s trying to get something on your nose to catch the blood. It’s a disaster, really. But at least you’re already in a clinic!

Penny:

Probably panics

Doesn’t know how to deal with it

Would try to help though

The warmth of the pool in the spa did nothing to ease your nerves as you waded in the shallow end of the pool. Penny had invited you to come sometime after 7 pm, and when you had arrived she was already waiting for you, kicking her feet in the pool. The thought of her asking you here made your stomach turn, did you do something wrong…? Was she inviting you here to tell you she hated you or something…? You had grown close to her over your time here and would hate it if she thought you were too much or something.

“Do you know why I invited you here?” She asks, moving closer but keeping her eyes on the water.

You shake your head, “I’m not exactly sure, no.”

She frowns and sighs at you, meeting your eyes for a fleeting second then looking elsewhere. “Really? I thought you would’ve noticed by now…” her words trail off and her eyebrows furrow.

The next few seconds are ones that you simultaneously want to remember for forever and forget. She confesses her feelings for you. Feelings that you obviously reciprocate, and the emotions in you mix and grow, rising up your throat as if you were a volcano of conflicting feelings. As soon as you open your mouth to tell her that yes, you like her too, her face morphs into one that’s horrified instead of hopeful, disgusted instead of smitten and you realize a second after she does that your nose is spouting red, dyeing the water you both were swimming in.

Penny shrieks for a solid second before trying to scramble out of the water as fast as she can. You do the same, swirling the red around the pool as both of you splash trying to exit the now crime scene looking pool. When you get out of the water, she’s holding a towel right in your face, smooshing it so hard you can barely breathe and now your nose is throbbing with slight pain. “What do we do?!” She asks moving about quickly. She’s so confused that she just keeps walking and turning as if she’s remembering and forgetting things at the same time.

You just tilt your head downward and cringe inwardly, this was not the way to get a girl to like you. “It’s fine…I’m fine,” you say voice nasally and muffled. “And I like you too by the way.”

Haley:

confused staring

wtf is happening

Actually speechless

It isn’t every day that you get to talk to a beautiful blonde. It isn’t even every day that you talk to anyone. So when she approaches you on one of your trips off of your farm you couldn’t help but feel like either everything is out to get you or that you’re up on your luck. You don’t really know for sure, it honestly depends on how things go.

“Hey farmer!” She smiles as soon as she stops in front of you, the feeling of your stomach twisting makes you want to vomit in all of your nervousness. “I have a favor to ask you…”

“Yeah?” You ask trying to keep your cool. “What is it?”

“I would totally love love LOVE you forever if you could bring me an amethyst? It’s for Emily’s birthday and I don’t really like Clint so I don’t wanna buy anything from him. I’m willing to pay 150g!”

You cough into your fist, nodding along and taken aback by how casually she’s speaking to you. Before you can accept doing her the favor, the horrified look on your face makes your words falter.

She looks absolutely horrified, and touching your hand to your face you can feel why. Your nose started dripping blood, and by dripping you mean you can now feel it running down to your chin. A flurry of curses leave your mouth as confused noises leave hers. It's not much of a surprise that this has happened, but man did you wish it wasn't in front of her.

Emily:

Surprisingly chill about it

Probably has a weird story about a nosebleed or something

Actually helps

You sit at the bar alone, upset at a horrible farming day. You tried your best, you really did, but those stupid ass crows actually ate ALL of your seedlings. Or…almost all of them but that’s basically the same thing! There is no way you’re gonna make enough to make it through winter comfortably. You told Emily exactly this, appreciative of her listening ear in the middle of her busy shift.

“You know they probably didn’t mean it…or maybe they did,” she sucks in a breath eyebrows furrowing as she thinks, “you know crows are very smart they probably know that you’re using that land to farm and stay there because of all the free food.”

“But it’s not free!” You exclaim, throwing your hands up in annoyance, “I have to buy those seeds! They’re just putting me into debt!”

She hums and nods, wiping the bar next to you where a person had just left. You had only a couple months left until the snow started falling and making it virtually impossible to grow anything. The little plants you had left you had to fight the crows for. And by fight I mean you angrily swung a broom at the with the intent of scaring them (not hitting them that’s mean). Still the growing anger inside you was not easily crushed by her warm and quite frankly outlandish words. No, in fact your anger grew the more you thought about it.

You felt it coming before anything had even exited your nose, hurriedly snatching the rag from Emily’s hands. Damn now you would have to buy the bar a new one. She just blinks then nods as if your nose becoming a bloody waterfall was normal.

“You know…nose bleeds cause by stress is usually because your heart rate and blood pressure increase and it causes your blood vessels to dilate!”

You stare at her before laughing. Maybe she was helpful after all.

Abigail:

WOAH

WTF

WHAT DO WE DO?

You stand in front of Pierre in front of the shop, arms crossed as you watch his face grow redder the longer time goes on. “-IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAUGHTER?” You’re not really listening to his tirade, over the whole ‘protective dad’ thing.

“Dad I’m an adult! You have no say in who I date!” Abigail yells back, face equally red. Who would’ve known that he would have a problem with the farmer he rips off constantly dating his daughter?

He yells out more reasons that the two of you shouldn’t be dating, and in turn points a finger into your chest roughly. You sputter out an offended sound, moving away from him. “Don’t touch me!”

“You shouldn’t be touching my daughter!”

“What? Dude we just started dating, you’re weird as hell!”

The arguing only gets worse from there, accusations flying around and now an audience comes with the drama. It’s almost too much for you to handle with now Caroline, Harvey, Haley, and the Milner family standing and watching the chaos. “Abby let’s just go to my place…” you try suddenly feeling the need to escape and no longer feeling the ‘fuck you dude’ attitude.

“No! He needs to understand that he can’t control my life!”

It’s like a volcano in your body and just like a volcano your nose begins to erupt. Now you’re screaming, Abigail is screaming, Pierre is screaming, the Mullners are screaming. Could this get any worse?

Turns out yeah, it can get any worse, like a family fight worse and now all of you are sitting in Harvey’s clinic. At least you aren’t the only bloody one now.

Maru:

Is surprised

Also forgets what to do

Would probably make things worse

Maru talks about robots and space the way you would talk about her: totally and completely enamored. You sit on her bed listening to her talk about her newest invention, some sort of robot that can cook and clean and basically be a free maid. You laugh and move your arm to get in a more comfortable position to watch her. Unfortunately your arm had other plans and smacked hard into her bed post. Groaning out in pain, your eyes close and begin to water from how much your elbow hurt.

Demetrius is in your face before you even realize that he was in the room. You yelp out in surprise as he starts ranting about you ruining his daughter’s future. You blink in surprise and try to retreat back into the mattress. What was happening. You can hear Maru screaming over his words but your ears feel like they’re filled with water.

“We’re just friends!” You find yourself shouting. Like damn is the man insane? It wasn’t the first time he’s gotten upset at you over Maru, but it was the first time that he was absolutely losing his mind.

“Dad stop!”

Time froze for a second as you and Demetrius stared at each other, Maru standing near him. Breathing in you can taste blood in your mouth before your nose starts bleeding, yet you can’t bring yourself to do anything but sit and catch your breath.

“Oh my god!” Both Demetrius and Maru exclaim moving around the room trying to find something to help. You couldn’t help but feel annoyed at him acting concerned now.

Thankfully Maru looked cute trying to help you which at least made things a little better.

Leah:

Is also freaking out on the inside but calm on the outside

Helps you with tissues

Is understanding

Going on a date with Leah is a dream come true. There’s paint, wine, food, and you’re sitting in the prettiest meadow you’ve ever seen, well it’s pretty because Leah is there and she’s pretty and you’ve been here multiple times because it’s near her cottage but it still looks different today.

You sit, paintbrush in hand, laughing at something she’s saying. It’s fun and if she hadn’t have asked you would’ve spent the day farming like usual, this little break was needed. The day couldn’t be ruined, absolutely nothing can ruin it.

Okay, one thing can ruin it and that one thing is Kel coming and ruining everything. The argument that ensues is one of the worst that you’ve seen. Kel tries to walk up on you(translation: Kel wants to fight you), Leah stops them but in turn gets into a fight with them which causes you to actually get up and try to defend her.

You kinda block out until you can hear Kel call out “I made your nose bleed bitch!” Which again causes you to want to drown in your anger.

“My noses is bleeding because I’m stressed, stupid!” You back. It’s obvious Kel hadn’t been able to hit your nose so claiming to be able to hit you so hard your nose bleeds isn’t even possible. It’s almost childish how the two of you argue.

Leah finally gets Kel to leave and hands you a bunch of tissues as she sits you down on the now rumpled blanket. As the two of you catch your breath and calm down, you find yourself smiling at her behind the wad of tissues catching blood flowing from your nose.

At least the situation would be funny in the future.

[semiotomatics]

for real tho, the thing that i feel like ppl arent realizing/talking abt, at least the thing for me, is that it was never about the website. like, do i like tumblr? sure, it mostly does what i want in a familiar, vaguely-easy-to-use way. but thats only bc ive been here 13 years and have the internet version of toxoplasmosis keeping me docile and trusting of capitalist corporations. tumblr could Site Of Theseus itself into a completely different beast and id still be coming back day after day.

its not the site that keeps me coming back, its the people. and i dont just mean my friends, or my Beloved Mutuals™, or my favourite blogs i follow. i mean the whole community. every person who posts in a tag i follow, or makes a poll i vote in, or shares their beautiful artwork. every random user who makes a post that ends up going viral. everyone who makes and reblogs Destiel News Alerts. everyone who logs on and agrees to Commit To The Bit until the bitter end. thats why i love this hellsite so much.

thats also why, when ppl ask "where are you going next?", i really dont have an answer for them. i want to say "wherever my friends go", but theres no telling where thatll be. i might be able to find some, or most of, or maybe even all of my mutuals/friends on some other site, but theres no guarantee that im going to find this community. that's what im going to miss when this site dies. not the UI, or the branding, or the crabs. not tumblr.com. im going to miss us.

[directdogman]

Do you have a favourite piece of lore you've ever made. From anything you've ever made. Or even just the thing you find most interesting or that your proud of.

Mainly I just want to know what lore you like the most.

I'll answer this for both of my series bc my DT answer is a lil underwhelming.

For DSaF: I liked the phone guy lore in 3 a lot. By the time DSaF dropped, people were so used to the setting of FNaF that a new game coming out with at least 3-5 new dead people in the story was basically a given. I felt like fangames had kinda missed out on conveying how incomprehensibly tragic the setting was. For every single dead person, there is an undeniable wave of tragedy and most of the dead human employees were just reduced to names in the main series. 3 successfully humanized the company so much that people even pity/love Harry/Steven (two people undeniably responsible for much of the player's misery in previous games.)

Also liked Henry's research in 3. People talk about the logs in 3 a lot, but I had many more ideas I wound up not including. I basically asked myself: if an amoral scientist wound up discovering that souls could possess animatronics, what would he try to figure out using the phenomenon? I think the writing connected with people because it felt kinda plausible in that way. It was 'real' in a sense.

Someone in a research lab would be hacking away at the same concept tomorrow if they could prove ghosts existed in some empirical way, using the scientific method to figure out as much information about the universe as possible from this newly discovered phenomenon. His deductions were tangible, even if they were unhinged + frightening.

For Dialtown: It pains me to say this, but every answer I have to this question is all stuff people haven't seen or stuff that's only been implied but never outright stated. That sadly includes a lot of character stuff. For the world, there's a lot of stuff that happened in the past that actually connects in pretty interesting ways to stuff that seems really random/unimportant. For character stuff, I'd love to explore the datables' families more and that's something I do plan to do more in future releases (be it DLCs, short stories or even a sequel one day!) A lot of stuff actually recontextualizes their existing scenes and shows where certain traits come from. Particularly for Oliver, Karen + Randy.

[moraxsthrone]

Keeeel I have brainrot ;w;

Just... Zhongli taking care of his little mate after fucking you so good/hard/much that you can't really move much, legs weak, body sore. Him massaging your muscles whispering sweet nothings and nuzzling you, carrying you to the bath and pampering you and you whine a little still sensitive 🥺💕

It's extra asdfchbklj bc you're an adventurer who fights monsters in the regular, go exploring and climbing and sure your body gets a little pushed to the limits once in a while but he, heeeee, Zhongli is the only one who manages to tire you out like this. Drooling and sweating and panting in pure blissful pleasure, legs twitching in the aftershocks of a few too many rounds crying out his name. And he's so proud of himself for being able to leave you like this, sweet and pliant in hazy pleasure (and proud of you too for being so good to him!) his inner dragon purrrs happily against your skin leaving soft kisses.

AFKSFCGVJBJNKL /w\ omggggggg

Just Zhongli fucking you stupid and then providing the sweetest most tender aftercare 😩🥴🥰💕💕💕

crys, my dear, thank you for leaving this precious gem in my ask box. 💛🧡🤎🖤 i saw it this morning and could NOT stop thinking about it all day and THE SECOND i logged off from work i made a MAD DASH to my pc and started typing FURIOUSLY. i needed this so bad! 😩😮‍💨

I AM HERE FOR THE ZHONGLI BRAINROT!!

be warned: nsfw. mdni. x f!reader. rough sex. hair pulling. please let me know if i missed anything, i have a meeting in 8 mins and i'm trying to get this out beforehand bc we've waited long enough.

but also: zhongli provides impeccable aftercare, breathe if you agree

wc: 500+

okay so let's get one thing out of the way: zhongli knows How To Fuck™️

the archon has you on your belly, your thighs pressed together as he straddles them and rides you like a lazy horse. his beautiful cock is coated with your creamy need; he loves to spread your asscheeks apart and watch your swollen hole stretch around his girthy cock. the striations of your slick spread the length of his shaft as his hips slap your ass so hard the wet, rhythmic smacks echo off your bedroom walls.

he’s got your hair wrapped around his glowing fist and you can hear the occasional grunt or deep, aggressive growl coming from behind you as he fucks you harder. you’re panting, crying, whimpering his name; from the corner of your watery eyes you see his arm that’s planted on the mattress next you, sinewy muscles flexing and rippling under his dark, gradient skin. he’s already fucked multiple orgasms out of you and now,

it’s his turn.

zhongli leans forward, hunching over you, his rock hard abs, sticky with sweat, pressing against your back. his pelvis is snapping on sheer instinct, faster now, forcing his engorged cock deeper into your womb where, with one final thrust of his hips, his seed floods your cervix in thick, white spurts. his orgasm is so powerful he can hardly contain his dracontine nature as he fills you with his musk, head thrown back as a guttural roar erupts from his throat.

`��� ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹

your lover's postcoital disposition is in stark contrast to his mating style. your naked, sweaty bodies are pressed together, some of his thick seed dribbling out and coating your still-trembling thighs as he holds you close. with your head tucked neatly under his chin, you're soothed by the steady beat of his heart, grounded by the depth and subtlety of his voice against your ear as he quietly praises and reassures you.

"you are safe, my love," he says, lazily tracing his name on your back with warm fingers. "you did wonderfully, darling. you always do. you are the most precious thing to me. you are beautiful, intelligent, strong, and one of very few people who laugh at my jokes." your soft chuckle fills his heart with warm love because he knows you're okay and that you are with him.

when you're ready, you look up at him and he smooths your hair away from your lovely face so he can get a better look at you. his tired eyes are hooded, darker now that they're not glowing as fiercely.

"what can i do, love? can i get you some water, something to eat? would you like me to fetch the duvet off the floor and wrap you up in it?"

you smile and shake your head no, verbalizing just long enough to say, "just...need to stay close to you, zhong. please just hold me and talk to me?"

"of course, my love," he hums, "whatever you need." he lays his head down next to yours and murmurs sweet, loving everythings into your ear as he nuzzles your hair. you can feel the low timbre of his voice in every fiber of your being, comforting you, and you know that you are safe. you know that you are loved.

`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹

[thesmpisonfire]

Okay so, I wanna talk about my sonboy Richas, my guy Felps, their relationship, and everything about yesterday as well

So, lets go :D

First thing, Felps actually really don't like taking care of Richas when he's without his armor

Felps has the terrible memory of being the one (together with Cellbit) to watch Richas first death. The three were at a cave and Felps and Cellbit were taken down first and had to watch Richas getting swarmed and die far from their grasp

The death was reverted, but still, when Felps logged in next time, Richas had JUST died to the bull again, so he already had 1 life. It was the very same day, just a couple hours after. Felps always reinforced about the armor, to the point he didn't let Richas take it off even when safe at Foolishs place when he could see Leo didn't wear it

Felps fucking loves that kid, he's just the quieter dad. He won't scream that much, when he panics, he shuts down and focus on the problem. He's the best dad to talk about feelings and often is the one who talks Richas out of his spiraling self deprecating thoughts, while other dads don't have the same touch

Felps has the patience to talk with Richas and hear Richas points. He always is the one talking him into a shower even if it takes a whole trip beforehand so Richas can have fun before it. He sings a lil song to get him through a shower. Ever since he came back from the lab, he trusts Richas a lot with his own strength, he knows Richas can defend himself even better than Felps can defend himself

It means a lot that Felps is the only dad Richas will listen to more easily, even if sometimes it takes a lot of talk and bargain to do so. Richas is a difficult kid, he channels all his sadness and pain into being silly and overly courageous, which means he will be a disobedient kid, he will put himself in danger, he won't listen to his dads if he can make a joke about it and it has been getting worse lately

Richas is Not doing okay, he's constantly scared of losing the ones he love, he feels easily replaceable which makes him panic and act out in 'jealousy'. He has said before he fears his siblings don't really like him and it's why he always wants to have family around, he knows he's a problem and has even apologized to Bad about it once. He thinks he can't express his love through words when he has written so many beautiful things, he paints bc its how he thinks he can better translate his care

Yesterday, after Bad took him and Felps to the graveyard and out of it, Richas went back with Felps and put some flowers around their graves. A small talk started when Felps wondered if the dead eggs were looking down at them, but also couldn't really believe it because they'd be too far up there to actually see anything. Richas then said how people used to tell him Bobby was up in between the stars, but they stopped telling him that 'story'. Then, this talk happened

"Do you think they'd [Dead eggs Richas never met] like me?"

"Ofc they would! Everyone loves you! They'd love you, Richas"

"If I had died today, would I meet them?"

Felps goes quiet for a couple seconds here, then goes back to talking

"Maybe, maybe not. We can never be sure, Richas. What if you died and it's just nothing after, huh? It's a big bet. You can't keep thinking like that and then go throw yourself in front of a zombie horse to find out if they're at the other side"

"Yeah, I wouldn't be able to annoy all the dads, it wouldn't be worth it... I'd miss you all so much" (He used the word saudade)

"Awwn... But you would be dead, Richas. We would be the ones missing you, we would be the ones staying behind"

And to me this is a very telling moment. Because Richas didn't realize people would miss him as well, he just thought about how he'd miss being with the others. He also says how he'd be in hell, missing his family but also laughing at tragedy. When Felps asks why hell, Richas goes "You really think I'd end up in heaven? With the way I am?"

Felps spends the rest of the stream hyping Richas up, telling him how much he's loved and how much everyone cares for him. Felps manages to get through Richas after a while, and they have a nice moment together. Richas already arrived to the square without armor, after having recently argued with Forever about it, and Felps didn't mind bc that area was all lightened up so less mobs were spawning, plus the aforementioned trusts he has on Richas

No one expected the horse because it came from outside the square, right out the border, and literally fell on top of them. Felps was quick to go after it, and Richas was caught out of surprise and got height damage as well, eating through 2 totems (and also having to switch out the other ones from his hand due to the rule)

Felps was smart about the horse, he always hit up high so there wouldn't be any risk of a misclick, he hit crit after crit pushing the horse away so he could better kill it without risking Richas, and he did it! I understand BBHs scare but everything was already solved and Richas was halfway being revived already

If anything, the trip to the cemetery scared Felps more than it did Richas. Richas is well used to the threat of death, he plays with it by jumping into mines and purposefully walking without armor around Forever. But Felps isn't. He wants his kid safe, he wants him alive. Felps was willing to never come back if it meant Richas could have an extra life, he would die over and over for that kid

After everything, he talked with Richas, and the kid didn't rlly need to be convinced to wear his armor now that he knew how the square can be tricky. Felps didn't need to yell, or compare Richas to anyone, or play lil games. Just a talk, and Felps' trust that Richa would now do his part, and he did!

Each mob they encountered next, Richas and Felps stayed side by side. Felps let Richas kill them first bc he knows Richas likes it, but always helping and telling him how he was doing it well. When they were rowing around later in the boat, music playing, Felps went on about how it was all that mattered

Richas was alive, Felps was alive, they got a scare but they were okay now. And it was all worth it for these calm, happy moments. These were the ones that should be remembered, the ones that made it all worth it

[obxsummer]

Lean on Me // JJ Maybank

pairing: jj maybank x neutral!reader

summary: as much as you love being the go-to person for your friends, it's not all sunshine and rainbows. all it takes is a shitty week and an argument with your boyfriend for your strong exterior to break.

warnings: angst, arguments, brief wound description

a/n: i lowkey hate this bc it didn’t turn out how i intended but whatever. enjoy!

navigation

--

The Outer Banks was lucky to have you. That’s what JJ would say within a heartbeat. He knew there were a lot of deserving people amongst his friends, but man, you were way too good for the Pogue life. He owed you so much in the year and a half that the two of you had been dating. You were his rock against all odds, between his shitty dad and the raising anxiety in his chest after almost losing John B, you kept him grounded.

JJ loved watching you interact with your friends at the current kegger on the beach. You were so gentle and weaved your way along them them like it was second nature. The smile on your face was addicting, you seemed so carefree under the glow of the bonfire. The summer air, warm on your bare skin.

“Hey there, handsome.” You plopped on the log next to JJ, elbow nudging him gently as you made yourself comfortable. “You okay?”

JJ could really only force a nod and pushed a smile onto his face. He leaned close to press a kiss on your temple and let his arm fall around you shoulders. “Just love you, a lot.”

You were a little shocked at his outward affection but smiled nonetheless. “Love you too. A lot.”

--

You fell into a caregiver role naturally. Growing up, you had to learn how to take care of yourself first and foremost and when you did enough of that, you went for those around you. The broken bits of your upbringing reinforced your selflessness but increased a lot of anxiety and stress at a young age. You tried to never let it get to you, and if it ever did, you handled it in private.

Your friends adored you in every way possible. You were always there when they needed you - a reassuring rock to lean on at any moment. You were the best listener and always gave such great advice and the best hugs. Your overall presence could comfort a room without any words. They were internally grateful for everything you did.

It was very rare the Pogues saw you lose your cool, but in all honesty, this week was creeping up on you. Tensions were on the rise with the investigation of the Cross of Santo Domingo, and as much as you loved your friends, you were growing exhausted. You missed the way life was before the gold, when you would all just mess around without any worry while doing stupid teenager things. Your anxiety was growing and it felt like you would break at any sudden noise. You knew you needed some space, maybe a good cry if it came to it, but there was a lot going on right now.

“Y/N, hey!” John B came barrelling through the door with a burst of energy. You winced at the loud noise but forced a smile regardless.  “Are you able to make a quick grocery run really quick? You can take the Twinkie. We just need some basics.”

You had just settled down on the couch and wanted nothing more than to lay there in silence. “Yeah, yeah sure!” Pushing yourself off the couch, you grabbed your own keys from the table, opting to just drive yourself in hopes that it would lessen your stress. “Just text me a list!”

The day didn’t seem to ease up as the grocery store was packed, not to mention one of the bags ripped and spilled chips and yogurt across the parking lot. You managed to keep it cool until you were back in the safety of your car, letting a few tears slip before taking a deep breath and moving on.

After loading everything into John B’s kitchen, you set to work prepping dinner knowing everyone could use a home cooked meal and some quality time together. Shoving a pack of beers and a few wine coolers into the fridge for later, you decided spaghetti and meatballs sounded entertaining enough. Putting a pot of water on for the noodles, you managed to find some garlic bread in the freezer to heat up too.

The chaotic noise of your friends soon filled the room, lots of laughing and conversation filling the suffocating silence. “There you are!” JJ’s voice overtook the others as he came sliding towards you. You smiled at the motion, letting him wrap his arms around you as you stirred the noodles ahead of you.

“Hi,” You murmured, leaning back against him in comfort for a second to press a kiss on his lips before he disappeared right after. The beer was soon discovered, Sarah grabbing a seltzer and kissing your cheek in thanks before joining the rest of the crew on the patio. 

Normally, you didn’t mind them having fun while you busied yourself with something for them. It just felt like the pressure in your chest was building and you didn’t know how to slow it down.

Opting for a cup of water in hopes that it would help, you started grabbing dishes from the cabinets. One of the glass cups slipped past your fingers, a sharp gasp escaping your lips as it shattered against the worn hardwood floor. You stepped back in shock and managed to land right on a shard of broken glass, slicing through the skin of your foot in a second.

“Shit!” Being a bit more cautious, you avoided as much glass as possible and grabbed a wet paper towel to handle your foot. Admitting defeat, you sat on the ground and tried to slow the bleeding.

“Hey, babe? Food ready?” JJ slammed the screen shut behind him as he entered the room. Eyes scanned the room for a moment before he realized you weren’t in the kitchen. “Babe?”

You winced at the harsh cut in your skin and put pressure on it. “Down here.” JJ’s face came into view seconds later, taking in the scene of you on the floor.

“Hi, hey.” He carefully avoided the glass, although his boots could withstand some damage, and made his way over to you. “Let me grab something.” He returned shortly after with a hodgepodge of supplies from John B’s cabinet in hopes that some of it would work.

You took some peroxide and gauze from him before cleaning the scrape. “Thanks, J.”

JJ busied himself with cleaning up the broken glass while you did your best to stop the bleeding. He watched you for a moment, concerned about your lack of reaction. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, refusing to look at him because you knew you were holding on by a thread. It wasn’t really anyone’s fault and you felt bad for making them think that - if they even did. Grabbing some gauze, you laid it across the scrape before wrapping your foot and taping it off as a temporary fix. “Dinner’s almost ready if you want to get everyone.”

Everything seemed to move smoothly. Dinner was great, all of you laughing and joking around with some delicious food. The summer air was warm and the sound of crickets chirping was calming. You had hopes that this was just a momentary flicker of weakness and you’d be fine before bed tonight.

Sarah joined you in the kitchen to tackle cleaning dishes. “So, Y/N… are you joining Kie and I for our vacation weekend whenever life blows over?”

A question you’d heard many times before. Kie and Sarah had been joking for a while now about a getaway weekend since all the three of you did was spend time with your significant others. Of course, it was always pushed back for the chaos of your lives and would probably never happen, but it was a comforting question nonetheless.

You laughed in response, nudging her gently as soap splashed from the sink. “You know I’d be there in a heartbeat, Miss Cameron.”

“What trip?”

You turned to glance at JJ, the smile not leaving your face as you stacked the plate in the strainer. “Nothing. We’re just joking.”

JJ obviously had lost his fun mood and stared at you with an incredulous face. “You’re going on a trip out of OBX? When?”

Tossing the towel on the counter, you moved to fully face JJ. “J, I’m serious, we’re just-” You didn’t get a chance to explain before someone interrupted you.

“You’re leaving?” John B’s voice came in next, looking at his girlfriend with a goofy smile. “Do I finally get a weekend to myself?”

You shook your head aggressively, not suspecting the sudden third degree. “No, we’re not leaving and no, you don’t get a weekend to yourself. JJ, what’s going on?”

You didn’t know what had been set off in him, but this was not the same JJ that pulled you into his side five minutes ago and held you like no other. JJ aggressively ran his hands through his hair. “I just don’t understand why you’re hiding things from me.”

“Excuse me?” Your shoulders tensed at the tone of his voice, knowing this wasn’t going to end well. “I’m not hiding anything!”

JJ tossed his hand out. “First, you won’t tell me what’s wrong and now you’re jumping on vacation when we have some serious shit going on here? What the hell, Y/N.”

“JJ, nothing’s wrong! And we aren’t going right now, John B and Sarah literally just got back and we have the cross to look for.” You put your hands on your hips. “Why are you starting an argument with me over a joke? That’s so unlike you.”

“Yeah, well maybe you don’t know me!” His voice rattled around you. Your friends were quick to seclude to the pullout and create their own conversation to give you space. “You’re so busy fucking taking care of everyone else that I barely see you anymore, and when I do, you barely talk to me!”

Shaking your head you didn’t break eye contact with him. You had no idea where this change of heart was coming from, but you were already on a thin sheet of ice today and knew you couldn’t argue with him all night. “JJ, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m here literally-”

“I’m talking about the fact that you’re not here for me. If you’re going to leave me, Y/N, just fucking do it. Rip the bandaid off. I don’t need you to linger and make it hurt worse.”

“You know what JJ… you’re right.” You folded your arms across your chest as tears burned in your eyes. You weren’t fighting over this, not with him. “You’re right. Don’t know why I even bothered. Sorry for trying.”

You left the words in the air and brushed past him, trying your best to walk on your injury. A heavy sob broke rattled through you as soon as you made it out of the Chateau. Your chest burned with pressure, unable to let enough emotions out at one time. You needed to stop doing this.

Climbing in the car, you slammed the door shut and immediately curled into yourself. You tried so hard to keep everyone happy. You did everything you could to keep your friends, your family together as much as possible. Always putting everyone first, never saying no if you could help it. Everything you did was for everyone else and it still wasn’t enough. You wouldn’t ever be enough.

Back in the Chateau, JJ knew he fucked up. When the screen door slammed shut behind you, he let out a loud groan and slammed his head against the counter. “Okay,” Kie was up in a second and pulled him away from the possibility of sharp objects. “Let’s not give yourself a concussion now.”

“I fucked up,” JJ whispered as he dropped to the floor and covered his face with his hands. “I fucked up so bad.”

Pope let out a scoff. “Really? I didn’t think so,” He answered sarcastically. “Seemed like such a loving conversation.”

JJ didn’t have the energy to glare at his friend. “I just… Dad got in my head earlier and I totally just reacted instead of talking it out.” He knew he shouldn’t have stopped at the house, but he knew even more to never listen to what his dad had to say about him.

“You don’t need to tell us,” Sarah tried to guide him as best as possible. “I’ve never seen Y/N that close to tears, in all honesty.”

JJ pulled himself off the ground and peeked out the window to see your headlights still shining across the grass. He surprisingly avoided eating shit on the rug and took off outside, scrambling to talk to you.

Your vision was blurry as you tried to blink tears from your eyes. You couldn’t even bring yourself to drive home, knowing it would be too difficult with everything going on right now. The whole argument was more dramatic than you intended for it to be, and maybe if you weren’t already upset, you would’ve just walked away instead of yelling back.

Your car door was suddenly ripped open as you flinched away in shock. JJ’s form appeared a second later, his heart dropping at the sight of you so upset. He took a moment, observing the rapid movement of your chest and your tear-stained cheeks. He could curse himself a million times over for doing this to you.

“Babe, you gotta breathe,” JJ’s voice was gentle as he moved your seat back so he could get closer. He knew the telltale signs of a panic attack a little too well.

You let your head relax against the headrest and forced yourself to take a deep breath. It was shaky, but it was enough to start calming your racing head down. When you were young, you were taught to never show weakness in front of anyone, no matter how bad it got. You hated that JJ was seeing you like this…vulnerable, weak.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Tears of his own were building in his eyes. He hated to see you in any pain, but knowing he was the cause of it was even worse. He rarely ever saw you cry. “I saw my dad earlier a-and I took it out on you what he said… Y/N, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Your voice cracked as you looked away from him in an attempt to break eye-contact.

JJ’s fingers were gentle as they turned your gaze back on him. “No, it’s not. What I said in there, it’s not true. You do so much. For me, for our friends. We don’t deserve you, not one bit. You never expect a thank you, never ask for anything. I am so grateful, I’m so so lucky, to have you in my life. Don’t ever think differently, please. Even if it comes out of my own mouth. We all know I can be pretty dumb every now and then.”

“Don’t say that,” You whispered. You hated when he talked down on himself like that.

“See, proving my point. I hurt your feelings and you’re still being nice to me even if I don’t deserve it,” He countered. JJ reached over to turn your car off and took your hand to guide you out. “Come on, let’s get some ice cream and I’ll make it up to you.”

Sniffling, you climbed out with his help and let him close the door behind you before wrapping you into a hug. Another shaky breath escaped your lips as you clung to him, letting him hold you tightly until you could catch your breath and calm down fully. You were so grateful for JJ and his bubbly energy. Sometimes, it was hard to keep up with their busy lifestyle but you wouldn’t change it for the world. As long as you had your chaotic boyfriend with you at the end of the day, everything would be fine.

--

navigation

[rey-jake-therapist]

headcanon: when galadriel talked about celeborn to theo back in season 1 she was actually trying to compartmentalize her worries/grief about halbrand

His name was the first one she screamed after she woke up and she even repeated after it

In my head she was holding on her husband's memory because she had already dealt with the grief of losting him so it was safe to evoke him whereas she needed to stay sane and calm about halbrand

tl;dr when galadriel remembered celeborn in season 1 she was trying to keep her feelings for halbrand in the back seat in fear that they would overwhelm her because she had a mission to accomplish so even in the only time he was mentioned it wasn't about him at all That's how important he is for her lol

she is so over him that can be detached from their shared past

I mean Theo asked her who else she lost in the war so I think her bringing up Celeborn at last made very much sense. The writers probably realized that the Tolkien audience would wonder about him, they HAD to say something about him ! 😂 the moment was also well chosen : everyone who looked at the previous episode with their eyes and not with their butt had seen that the moment that Galadriel and Halbrand shared on that log was deeply romantic, and could have even led to a kiss if they hadn't been interrupted (a classical romantic trope.... S1 Haladriel has all of them 😌).

Mentioning her husband and making the point across that Galadriel considered him "lost" (dead) was necessary at this point, for Galadriel to not look like a cheater. Not that it worked, if we refer to the number of people still clutching their pearls over a law they invented, where Elves love only once in their life and can never, ever catch feelings for anyone else than their spouse, even when said spouse is dead...

The way Galadriel talked about Celeborn always seemed off to me. I know it's assumed that they lived for hundred of years together before he disappeared, because of the books, but the show doesn't follow the book!lore. If they lived together for so long, why would she bring up the day they met ? Why not saying something about where they lived, about their life together, about how united they were ? Why is it the only time she talked about him ? Why doesn't she seem to miss him at all ?

Seriously, the way she talked about him it sounded like they had met and gotten married, then a few weeks later Celeborn left for war and never came back. I know his "fans" firmly believe that he'll make a heroic return in season 3 and that Galadriel will jump in his arms crying of happiness, and that we'll suddenly all stop shipping Haladriel* bc we'll be overwhelmed by their precious love but.... If it's really the showrunners' intention, they have a very strange way of showing it 🤣

Anywayyyyy I know it wasn't the subject of your ask, sorry..... This episode was very much Galadriel keeping everything inside. She really believed that Halbrand died, she also realized she had brought all these soldiers to their death, and she was completely heartbroken over it. But having to take care of a teenager who had presumably lost everything as well, she just held it all back. She had to. I think mentioning the memory of a past where she was happy, and where things just happened as they were meant to (being spotted dancing by a handsome and nice he-Elf, falling in love, getting married with him, etc.), gave her some sense of peace she terribly needed in that moment.

[ash-and-starlight]

Books of 2023

the list nobody asked for <3

My reading habits had gone a bit stagnant in the past couple of years so this year i made the effort to engage in reading again and wow books really are good!! who would have thought! Sharing this year's book log with the small reviews i did while reading yeah i am That kind of list lover if u feel like being nosy, (and maybe even help mi crowdsource reading recs based on my likes 👀🤲?)

The left Hand of Darkness - Ursula K. Le Guin Ursula i Need to know your thoughts on omegaver- [gunshot] THAT ASIDE yeah. mrs Le Guin you've done it again. I can see why everyone got their brain chemistry altered by this book.

The Membranes - Chi Ta-Wei another brain chemistry altering book. would love to discuss it with a gender studies major lmao

Satanic Verses - Salman Rushdie its a v atmospheric and poignant story, I know I would have loved it more if I was familiar with the rich religious/cultural background it draws from

The Masquerade Series - Seth Dickinson Crazy insane in the membrane about this series. one of the most compelling worldbuildings I've ever seen, and most importantly it features one of the most crazy wet pathetic scrunkly meow meow protagonists i've ever had the pleasure of reading about.

Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides i liked the writing style of this book a lot! idk how well it holds up re: intersexuality topic, but its a very engaging read.

Dead Blondes and Bad Mothers: Monstrosity, Patriarchy, and the Fear of Female Power - Jude Ellison, Sady Doyle The title says it all honestly, its a beautiful, thought provoking and engaging essay, spanning eras, pop culture phenomenons, and real life events on the topic of women and horror.

The cat who saved books - Sōsuke Natsukawa this was so cute and heartfelt, it will really make you go Ah Yes, this is Why we Love Books <333

The Locked Tomb Series - Tamsyn Muir now when people say there is a girl who is the cursed sacrifice of 2000 infants who falls in love with the sleeping embodiment of the soul of the Earth (barbie) and also another girl who is the only survivor of the aforementioned sacrifice and is. a Jesus metaphor? and also the two girls become one at some point. and every book is a different genre. and god is bisexual. and memes survived the nuclear apocalypse. I can just nod and say so true.

The Area X Trilogy - Jeff VanderMeer Rotating this series in the microwave of my mind at the speed of light it's soSO GOOD!! the movie doesn't even come close honestly u NEED to read the books. and then go touch grass and be aware of every strand in a completely new way.

The Dawn of Yangchen - F. C. Yee nice read! I was more invested in the worldbuilding crumbs than in the actual story lmao, I will forever think about the HEATED airball rivalry between the air temples and about the swt greetings / bethrotal armbands.

Inuit Stories of Being and Rebirth: Gender, Shamanism, and the Third Sex - Bernard Saladin d'Anglure starting w a disclaimer bc I feel like the topic of native colonization was ignored when it should have been way more prominent when talking about the context of where and when these testimonies were collected?? That aside it was very interesting and well put together, with first account testimonies of Inuit elders about their myths, lifestyles and beliefs.

Pachinko - Min Jin Lee i read the book after having seen the tv series (which i also rlly recommend). Very moving story about a family and its generations, from Korea under Japanese colonization to modern day America.

Her body and other parties - Carmen Maria Marchado sometimes I go about my day then I remember this book exists and stare at the wall for 30 minutes.

Dictionnaire de l'impossible - Didier Van Cauwelaert big miss. this collection of articles about "strange impossible phenomenons" sounded so quirky and interesting but i sure would have loved if the author hadnt so clearly picked a side. and also way too much church for my tastes.

He who Drowned the World - Shelley Parker Chan Im not even gonna speak about this one if you've followed me since july you know what pits of insanity and despair i'm in

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow - Gabrielle Zevin Sometimes!! the book with pretty covers put in the "famous on socials" bookstore section!! are good!! It's about being othered it's about connection it's about diaspora it's about love and friendship and most of all it's about viddy games.

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel reading this post-covid and learning it was written in 2017 was A TRIP. Psychic damage at every page. still feeling very normla.

The Mask of Apollo - Mary Renault Ugh i desperately wanted to like this book because the setup is so interesting and full of potential, but the end result was just. flat. flat story flat characters the plot focusing on the wrong things at the wrong times i was so DONE when i reached the end otz.

Babel - R. F. Kuang LOVED the worldbuilding in this, the "lost in translation" system of magic is one of the most interesting things ive ever read. I think theres something about the writing in general that didn't win me over completely?? but all in all a very good

Red Ocean - Han Song This sure is a Book. That i've Read. its so profundly strange and unlike anything ive come across that i dont even know what to feel about it. i think 90% of my confusion comes from Not Getting Cultural References so if someone has a "red ocean explained" essay plz send it my way bc i couldnt find one.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

am i the asshole for becoming this girls only friend then not responding to her for 3 years?

I (16) started out at a new highschool and the teachers asked me (or more they told me, bc how am i supposed to say no) to be friends with this girl because she had no friends. basically they asked me to spend my breaks with her and sit with her in class.

me and her had nothing in common. it was always really awkward talking to her. every lunch id try to make conversation but itd always die out into an awkward silence until i was like "okay. im just going to read my book now."

i hung out w her a few times outside of school and it was always unbelievably uncomfortable. should mention this kid had a terminal illness. i started worrying about the fact that i was her only friend and that i didnt even like hanging out with her and that i had to try harder to be her friend bc what if she dies young die to her illness and no one goes to her funeral. in all honesty i wanted to just be casual friendly acquaintances with her, but due to the fact that i was told to be her friend, that she had no other friends, and that she had a terminal illness, i forced myself to be more than that for her when i didnt even enjoy being around her and even found her rly rude (she would lash out at other people for very small things like mishearing something she said, which made me very scared to ever aggitate her)

I was struggling mentally and i dropped out without saying anything to anyone (all unrelated to her) we followed each other on instagram, but when i started transitioning i made a new ig not connected to my deadname or old transphobic highschool friends in any way. i never contacted any of my friends from highschool after i dropped out. It wasnt personal, it was a fresh start.

about three years later i logged back into my old ig accidentally and saw i had like 80 dms from her. the dms went between "miss you. school isnt the same without you!" to calling me a bitch and insulting me. some messages were rly long others were just her spamming guilt trippy "im sorry i made you hate me... its my fault you left....." over and over. she was way more emotionally attached to me than i realised. and i felt like absolute shit. had absolutely no idea what to say. so i didnt say shit.

i just logged back out without replying.

am i the asshole? should i have responded, try to go through the same forced friendship again? or would it reopen old wounds to respond now?

What are these acronyms?

[drawlfoy]

i grew up with tumblr reading fanfics (especially draco and everything in the hp universe) but life got busy, covid happened, i went to college and slowly years passed by without me ever logging on again.

I just graduated and moved home and i guess i was just feeling nostalgic and came back, but so much has changed. some of my favorite accounts deactivated, writings deleted, people inactive… but seeing that you were still here (someone i have been following since hs) and rereading all your old fics i used to read five years ago felt like a warm hug. but damn life moves fast

i know you don’t know me, but how i’ve missed you

hey ânon!!! this was genuinely such a wonderful ask to get—thank you for sending this to me :)

and was it really 5 years ago that i started writing for draco on here??? it’s so insane looking back on it, bc it really was a different time when the community of old writers was all active and i was still actively reading/writing for draco. i’ve been feeling nostalgic too as of late since i’m about to graduate college/move away from home officially myself. it’s sort of equal parts depressing and equal parts freeing to realize how you’ve grown away from a fandom space that you spent so much of your formative years in

even though i’m not really actively updating fanfiction on here anymore, i’m still active, so don’t be shy ! and congrats on graduating (:

[gayofthefae]

No bc it's the fact that I WASN'T that invested in Byler during vol 1 actually I got invested in between volumes so really the entire time I wasn't like "ooh another clue!" I started believing they were gonna be endgame - to the extent that I assumed it was the intention to be obvious and I was just behind only to find out that people didn't think it was as obvious as the St*ncy flirting was and was baffled - I literally was passively confident so I wasn't like noting down the proof at all I was super focused on Lucas and Max tbh and Byler was also cute, right?

So what I'm saying is that I realized in 4x02 then had no reaction basically, except empathy, of course, but no surprise, when Mike couldn't tell El he loved her even though they had not yet had issues when I started believing in Byler and I did not bat my eye when Mike talked to and looked at Will like that or all the other moments we've found obvious.

I am one of the many shippers that joined in season 4 after it BECAME obvious and then was like "you guys didn't see it??" I saw it and then analyzed how we got there for fun is what I think many antis don't understand. I didn't need the details to know. It was obvious to me, I just like to nerd out on filmography.

So point being it was always obvious. I never even thought of anything up until after the ily speech as "proof", or rather after volume 1 when I saw that there were apparently doubters I had to defend against, because I didn't NEED proof.

I went "Oooh he can't tell El he loves her I woonder why" in the same way I went "Oooh Max called Lucas' name in the upside down and her memories were a lot of him". Like I could have been wrong about them getting back together, technically, but it's the natural prediction one makes based on context. Byler was the natural prediction I made based on context. Just like L*max getting back together. Just like J*pper getting together. Could I have been wrong? Yes. Was I? No.

I just- I cannot emphasize enough how passively confident I was in Byler before logging on. I am now actively confident and with loads of proof, but honestly I feel like the biggest comfort and best argument to people who aren't invested like that is that once I realized - realized, not "believed" - that Mike would reciprocate Will's feelings, I forgot about it as a concern, relaxed, and just watched the show like anything else. If they got together I wouldn't have been like "told you!" because I didn't think anyone would miss it beyond the point I did any more than they would miss the other canon couple predictions I brought up - some people would, sure, but that many? Jesus.

Really, volume 2 just revealed to me that it was supposed to be more of a twist in season 5. It subverted my expectations of the Duffers' intentions for audience perception, not my expectations for the plot. I thought that everyone misinterpreted what they were obviously telling us but volume 2 revealed to me that I suppose we were purposefully divided. Doesn't change the outcome. The only surprise was the delivery.

Two times I had the thought "why are they doing this?" in the season. When Mike and Will fought in the roller rink and when Mike told El he loved her. Guess which plot became heavily backed up the more new episodes I watched and guess which one contradicted.

[vvormsuture]

Hellooooo.... I feel a little obligated to thank all the people who've stuck by me all these years (m- -m) I've been posting my silly drawings on the internet for more than two decades now, and it humbles me to know a bunch of you still like it and continue to support me, despite all the chaos (and some shame) that has been my digital footprint🚶‍♂️ .....

Admittedly, I don't have the drive to draw as much as I did years back and I wish I did bc art's the one thing I love doing the most. Like yes, sometimes all it takes is a grotesque little creature (enki) to show up and kick u back into gear, but the creative output just isn't the same anymore.

Errrr what else ... Sinoalice is OVER.... (my beloved little gacha game i was shackled to) it's depressing, and for me to acknowledge how badly I'm going to miss having it in my life is an understatement T_T Above all else it depresses me to think I never really bothered to draw fanart for it considering I dedicated 20 mins of my day every day for 5 years to logging in to the game to hang out with my guildmates/friends.

I don't have a lot of other interesting things to say about 2023. I'm using NY's as an excuse to change some things about my life such as POSTING MORE ART!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and being less cryptic. I wanted to talk abt my yearly recap on my personal but i figured it'd be nice to break the radio silence here.

alright sorry i talk so much, thank you everyone for being nice to me i adore you all. I hope 2024 brings all of you happiness and prosperity.

Also, here's a drawing of Maria i did on tegaki.

[stoopid-turtle]

hello... 😅 uhm, first of all, i truly am sorry in advance for being awkward 😭 but for once i decided not to let my awkwardness keep me from sharing (what i think/hope are) positive thoughts with a stranger on the internet, so here i am.

i'm not around much and legit only made this acc bc like you i'm a late bloomer here and needed as many outlets for my yizhan/wangxian obsession as i could get my greedy hands on, in the big year of 2023... sigh. anyway, as an avid lover of meta/analysis posts since my early fandom days began around 15 (oof 🥲) years ago, finding your acc was such a lovely surprise. i agree with your views a LOT, and really appreciate how eloquent and well-written your posts are! even more so bc there's a lot i still don't know and most of the time the source material is very hard to reach and/or understand due to the language barrier, so having other turtles to rely on to access those, even if filtered by their own biases/opinions, is wonderful. besides, such input coming from a new fan is also comforting and imo refreshing, juxtaposed with that of older fans... it keeps the fandom alive and all that jazz. it's also very brave given how ruthless some folks can be on the internet, and on this corner in particular 😮‍💨 it just felt like reading my own thoughts written by someone else sometimes. i gasped and nodded at your posts soooo many times djskdjdj thank you for that!

(btw you followed me back the other day and i legit fangirled irl bc ??? whatttttt 😅 i still think it was an accident but okay omg djskdjdj AHEM. sorry)

then today i logged in and read your recent posts feeling squeamish about sharing more thoughts and as much as i 100% relate to you saying that kind of attention makes you anxious, i just... idk, i had to let you know i enjoy everything you post, even though adult life has kept me from being able to read it all so far. i understand you stepping back and i respect that decision, i'm not by any means asking you to go against what you know is best for you. at the same time, i can't help but hope you'll still show up every now and then bc your posts will be missed 🥲 i guess the whole motivation behind this is that it just made me sad to think your valuable insights will be something i'm yet again late to, if that makes sense?

djskdjdj again, i'm so sorry for being awkward and weird and dropping all of this on your inbox unprovoked. you don't have to reply (or read this AT ALL omg 😭😭), in fact i'm so embarrassed by this that you'd probably have to reach me through inquiry lmaooo 💀 anyway, have a great life, thank you so much for the great job, bjyxszd etc ❤️💚💛

Oh, don't be anxious! I'm really not a big deal.

Thank you for dropping into my inbox! I love hearing from other turtles, especially relative newbies, like myself! One of my fav parts of coming out of lurking mode is getting to talk to other people. I kinda follow back anybody who follows me, cause it seems polite? I don't know tumblr etiquette. I just follow the tags when I get the chance.

I appreciate the encouragement! I try to avoid dramatics, so I'm sorry for the upset last week. The situation is largely resolved, and I am feeling more okay. I kinda backed off because I wasn't sure of my footing here in fandom as compared to others, especially as I do think I have some takes that fall outside fandom consensus. Again, I don't mean to rock any boats and I'm not invested in convincing anybody that they should have the same opinions as I do. Hearing from turtles who do want me to continue posting gave me some more confidence there.

So, yeah, I expect I'll post some more as I have time. I'd like to post more on dd (cause he's my fav). I'd also like to try to figure out gg cause that dude is so confusing to me. I do have RL stuff going on, and I don't have the time to be super-active outside of occasional posts. But I'd like keep posting stuff. At least until I get all my Yizhan thoughts out.

[streamdotpng]

I'm kinda surprised that no one's asked much about the motherfucker au. There's no official name for this au so I'll just keep calling it that. It's kind of a long one, but i really like the premise of it. How long after first sleeping with each other does wenclair start seriously dating? What kinda pushes them in the right direction? Is it Wednesday's jealousy/possessiveness that wants Enid to be all hers, especially after getting divorced and realizing that she can't let this one, this special good kind and loving someone slip through her fingers? Is it enid who finds herself imagining being a family with wednesday and the kids? Does enid sometimes stay over at Wednesday's place and wake up early to make them breakfast, including belle and oleander? Does Wednesday visit enid during her lunch break because she misses her and just wants to spend some time together? The kids would be apprehensive about the relationship at first, but after seeing how happy their mom is, would they be more open to accepting that enid may eventually join their little family? Enid would never try to force herself on them but once they were open to it, how would she bond with the kids? Does Wednesday's heart skip a beat when she notices Enid is trying to be involved with and genuinely cares about her children rather than dismiss them like most people would?

the motherfucker au is just crack mate, so idk what to tell you 😭

honestly, it takes like a week of regular sleeping together before wenclair was like "i like this intimacy, i like you, lets make this something more" and wabam, now they're dating and keeping their hands off each other to truly enjoy each other's company outside of the bed

enid was the one who made the first move because damn, wednesday is gorgeous and waking up with her is definitely something the professor would enjoy more if it lasted for longer than a day

i dont think wednesday would be jealous bc professor enid is lowkey tired and stressed to even dress well -idt she has enough effort to even date other people too, so its definitely more on how wednesday doesn't want to waste this opportunity to be treated right

enid doesn't know what to do with kids but honestly, the lil shits are growing on her. Sure they're troublemakers in a way that they disrupt the class and dont pass shit on time but she genuinely enjoys helping people out and while they're bastards (affectionate) she doesn't mind teaching them outside of class hours

so yes, during weekends when the relationships get alot more serious, enid pops in at wednesday's house with breakfast. The mother will stare at the extra food and not ask, its pretty obvious who it is for tho.

The children will skip down the stairs long since enid is gone and enjoy the food, wondering where its from. It never fails to make wednesday smile against her drink when she mentions that its from her girlfriend

"GIRLFRIEND?" they'd shout and so they get overprotective. "are you sure!? what if she takes advantage of you??" think of this as pre reveal, so they definitely don't know that its their teacher

wednesday definitely visits enid at work one day and it makes the children damn distraught because their teacher is dating their mother.. omygod, does that mean they have to play nice now?? oh dear log, why?!

but yeah belladonna warms up to enid pretty easily but oleander is ready to be a passive aggressive son because his donor didn't treat his mother right, who's to say enid wouldn't be the same? cliche son stepping in to be the man in the house bc his dad couldn't do it etc etc

its alright tho, they all warm up to each other eventually and enid knows that this is an awkward situation over all so she keeps her distance to make sure they aren't uncomfy. She will show that she cares though, but thats just because thats how she is as a person

wednesday takes that pretty well (she's screaming without the s)

[mnwrld]

We'd really miss you if you deactivated :( I've already experienced it with the previous mnwrld account, and it'd be really sad if it happened again... If it feels overwhelming here, you could delete the app instead or log out? (as long as you remember the password, obviously)

mm don’t worry i won’t deactivate (i think…. i might… haven’t decided) ! i’m just a bit overwhelmed. it may sound a bit silly, but i just get stressed that so many people have access to things i’ve written for free sometimes LOL i’m from a small town and like. the amount of followers i have rn is like three times the amount of people in my high school when i graduated and THAT felt like a lot. i get overstimulated a lot and things like this make me want to peel my skin off sometimes idk

when it really hits me how many people are perceiving me (and that’s just the people who follow not even people who stumble across my work) it reminds me how small i really am in comparison to everything else in the world and that kickstarts my brain in a not fun way.

it’s worse when i’m getting a lot of new followers but not a lot of feedback on the things i’ve written and posted bc my silly little brain starts to wonder if people are just watching and pointing and laughing at me through the screen and just following to see what dumb thing i do next 💀 which is unrealistic OBVIOUSLY but my brain is mean sometimes and thinks of stupid scenarios like this and it’s just dkdk overwhelming

but all that to say, i just put all my stuff on private for a bit, i didn’t delete it. i might spend some time reformatting things and then unprivate everything as a way to sort of revamp this blog :)

thank u for ur continuous support and love !!! sorry to worry you and be a bother ‹3

[jennawynn]

Chronotrek TNG Part 2

Season 1 Ep 8- Season 2 Ep 1

I didn't do a very good job of keeping notes for most of this (and I might not until I'm Actually Watching again vs having it on while I work).

"There can be no justice so long as laws are absolute." More "woke garbage" that conservatives (and shatner) missed the first time around, I guess lmao.

16- Why not just cast actual old people-- oh, it's another de-aging plot. Carry on.

17- Knowing that Frakes had a back injury makes it really easy to spot. Poor guy.

23- ok ffs, if the captain calls down to Engineering, it's because he needs to know something, probably quickly. you don't delay that by giving him your full first, middle initial, last name and title when you answer the phone, you just say "Engineering".

Skipping things and doing them by hand because the _computer_ is too slow?? Are you INSANE?? It's amazing these ships don't blow up more.

RIP Yar. Does everyone just... record themselves saying goodbye to everyone just in case? brb gonna go write a letter then make sure never to update it so the things i say will be weirdly out of context.

25- Data trying to understand jokes and faking laughter is A+, no notes, I totally see why he is the autistic posterchild.

"no logs" except those needed for the narrative I guess.

Still cutting from close-ups to wide angle, from the back, stunt fight shots, huh? Even more jarring in this one with how frequently it cuts back and forth so the old admiral can kick riker in the chin.

And Season 2's opener... I have a few feelings about this one.

1- the captain outing troi's pregnancy to everyone... nice tact, cap. but the hilarious part is that he's like Picard- Counselor Troi is pregnant Riker- no reaction Picard- She's going to have a baby. Riker- :shocked_pikachu: A BABY?! yes, Riker, that's what pregnant means.

I hate pregnancy storylines (and apparently Troi's actress did too, or at least this was listed on IMDB as her least favorite ep)

I do not like the new doctor. Maybe it's bias bc I saw something about how Beverly was removed bc the actress fought against the sexist storyline last season, but she makes a mockery of Data's 'bruised feelings' when he corrects her pronunciation of his name (One is my name, the other is not.) and when he leaves, she has the parting blow of 'Day-ta. Whatever.' like his feelings, his NAME, don't matter to her. There was something else too, but I didn't write it down and now I've forgotten. She's just... grating on me for some reason.

However, the highlight of this episode is Worf volunteering to 'tuck Wesley in at night.' It was a cute scene about making sure that Wesley doesn't feel isolated if he stays onboard without his mom, that he still has people to act as his family aboard, looking out for him and acknowledging that even if he is an acting ensign, he's still a child.