#[ it's the space future it's fine ]
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forgot to specify on firearm possession when he posted that job ad
#dimension 20#fantasy high#riz gukgak#fabian seacaster#this is the space sweepers AU thing I posted that one sketch for lol#I think trying to preserve riz's canon deal with guns in any AU is a noble&worthy cause#and I worried it wouldnt work in this one specifically. I shouldnt bc it doesnt matter but I do anyway bc of who I am#but also I shouldnt bc it works out fine lol. I think the juxtaposition/gap moe comes through#for context theyre in the far future of the year 2092 about#and the majority of the crew are deeply involved with contemporary tech. half of them got body mods. one of them's a robot#riz is the navigator (fabian's the first captain and the one assembling the crew). he does everything on paper with a pencil#he has a school calculator from our current time. the crew's had to wrestle a comm link onto him#his translator link has been mutilated to stop all wireless transmission. he is also under 5 feet in height and looks Like That#I think its great that he honestly coheres very well despite all appearances. in every life possible it must be wild that he owns a gun#and also the idea of fabian slowly waking up to the realization that he's somewhat responsible for a buncha babies is awesome to me#good luck buddy. hold out for two more years and labour court will no longer be on ur ass
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This year's big web! This one marks five years of big web!!!
#finished product sans wip updates!!#it's a couple weeks later than usual this year BUT we've literally never taken it down right after halloween so it's fine lol#doing it around halloween is just an excuse anyway tbh. this isn't a halloween decoration this is a 'jay likes spiders' decoration#I do LIKE the free zone but maybe in the future I'll leave a little more space? 🤔 hm#also I could maybe have filled out more of the frame but 1) I'm at the mercy of Amount Of String On Spool#and I forgot I wanted to try starting a fresh spool for the spirals until after I was already doing them#and 2) honestly I'm so sick of doing it by the end of it anyway gkjhkfdg by the time the spirals are that big it's HARD TO DO!!#about me#my art#spiderweb#big web
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NOOOO I JUST FOUND OUT THAT ID5 ASSIGNED EVERYONE ACTUAL FAVORITE COLORS....... my colors for coffeeshop au are all wrooong
#i am not changing them at this point. i'm not. i'm not. i'm not ./ i'm not. i'm NOT going to that would be ridiculous#at myself i am NOT CHANGIGN THEM!!!!!#IT'S TOO LATE! TO CHANGE THEM! I ALREADY POSTED THEM ALL#gghgjfhgfhjkhfld#i'm just mad bc this means i want to change my Default Assigned Colors overall#which is fine and easy#but i don't want my coffeeshop au colors to not match the Assigned Colors or else i'll get mad every time i draw them in the future#>:|#isat#thoughts#it would be easy to swap mirabelle to pink and then i can give her light blue to bonnie#and then i can give bonnie's green to odile#which leaves more space in the color wheel for mira's new pink#but if isabeau is yellow then what is loop??? loop has to be yellow!!#i guess they could be orange but then i'd have to change euphie too and i really liker her as orange#i guess loop could be red?? but i hate red personally and it would clash soo bad with siffrin's indigo#>:| >:| >:|#hm... euphie could be more of purple-pink.. since mira's a warm pink...?#hmmmmmmmm
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#alcides#king harmonia#blood#isshushipping#my dear friend loki has had me thinking about taijirum all day (and consequently its besties)#and i have to reiterate that quixotisms shorthand should technically be the taijirumverse because its entirely about it#though because hilbert is one of taijirums 2 most special guys and god wont let him die he gets the privilege of being the narrator for-#the final act of taijirums story#while harmonia and alcides are its 'origin' story ie why it even gives a fuck about humanity and earth#when its a living comet future-seeing space dragon#lots of commentary for a shitpost but like alcides was half right twice over so its fine#sketches
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Going back to college with some life perspective and therapy under my belt really has me like… wow. For thirty entire years we really had no idea I had ADHD? Every once in a while i get a dose of infinite perspective vortex and see myself from everyone else’s pov and I’m like. This is the most ADHD human god has ever built. This person is just ADHD made flesh. A flashing neon sign for neurodiversity. Look at the free association on that motherfucker! I bet you could fit ten unfinished majors in there
#ive already vowed to do future semesters with therapy and accommodations#because.#oops i fucked up#i mean#I’m going to do fine grade wise#but wow#i am suddenly accutely aware of the bodily effect this mismanagement causes#because it’s not my stupid body I’m worried about#sorry space cadet your mom is just Like This Sometimes#adhd stuff
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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!
#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again#pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji#but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i#suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their#mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y#idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and#flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone#forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont#mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik#is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and#since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH#wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig#i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction#+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like#on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs#significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i#a restaurant or something#Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse#who is To be honest rather bare minimum#normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST#woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that
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Hey, I just blocked my first hetlor! I can say that now...
#they didn't say something awful to me or anything#they just rb a gaylor post i made with a screenshot about the theory that ttpd's title is a reference to joe alwyn#i would've been fine with them doing that i guess but then I checked their blog where they had been in my opinion rude to other gaylors#so i blocked#i just don't want to potentially run into them in the future#and i thought i recognized them from times they were shitty to other gaylor blogs I follow which made me check in the first place#i didn't even notice the rb at first#they seem to actively go into gaylor spaces and “debunk” post#it's fine to disagree but don't be rude and generalize us as all doing and believing the same things#we're just as diverse as other swifties with each other#and don't actively seek us out to get upset with us—that way we'll all be a bit happier#at the end of it all both swifties and gaylors (who should count as the same fandom but we're so unfortunately divided) want good for taylo#it's no use fighting over disagreements#i wish both sides could get along...#i just feel lucky that they didn't say a word to me#i'm a bit taken aback by how close i came#gaylor#taylor swift
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alright, perhaps it is time to start colourmaxxing
#just me hi#okay so i got an mp3 player for m birthday (yippee !! woohoo :D) and the earphones i got w/ them don't fit in my. ears hgkfjs#like the left one is fine but my right ear is too small for the bud.. and it's not one of those ones with the rubber thing so i can't fix#the sizing lol </3#anyway so i'm looking for earbuds that won't explode if an ant touches them lol ; i found some that come in blueeee#my player is red.. i Could just get black.. but clownmode starts Now lmfvhsh#/yea so the player situation;#it has radio (YAYYY 💫💥💫💥💫) but it can't hop on any wifi so i have to download onto my computer and then onto the thang#which is okay. or WOULD be [dun dun] if i didn't put every song i liked ever into one playlist Lmaofjvshj#400+ songs in one playlist Is difficult.. and i still have some character playlists i wanna add lollllll#so doing that rn.. oohoo...#i've managed to get it down to like 294 which is cool but i am hanging on to groups of songs i do not care about for some reason kfhsvbh#cuz i add music in clumps so everything is in 'groups' that only i can see lol :)#i don't wanna spend a bajillion years downloading this stuff thoughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh houuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu#ofc there are groups that simply cannot go. like the whiteboard sections and that entire coin album Lmaoo#but also man i don't think i'm in the brain space for this rn pfshv#i am hearing sounds and i do not care. but also i think i do so i just leave them there for future me to check later kfsh#anywho i'm gonna try to get it down to around the 100s#that Does mean i have to removed 94 songs rn tho... difficult decisions really bfsh#//aaaaanywho i'll prolly just save the rest of this for later#i've got other things i should be doing and things i wanna be doing and things i need to do or i'm going to turn into sludge again so hfhs#back at it like always!! i should get some water....#but YEA. toodles :3
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close encounters of the third kind is an objectively good movie, but it feels sorta tragic. and i doubt thet was the intention lol. love the cinematography, love the music score, love the visual effects. that's all fun and good. but where everyone else seems to see a movie full of "wonder", it just makes me feel sad. the movie ends the way it does and it leaves me feeling bummed the fuck out.
#i'm literally eric stoltz in his version of back to the future thinking marty coming home to a changed 'better' family is Tragic and Bleak#it's why flight of the navigator was a cute movie to be as a kid. but the non-goofy parts legit freaked me out lol#like what do you Mean no time passed and now this kid's younger brother is older than him? he missed on years and it's funny but it's Sad#but at least that all works out#close encounters has the 40s pilots and an assortment of other people (young and old) from various time periods walking off that ship#what happens when they try to go home? will their families be there? will they be decades older? will they be dead?#barry's only been gone for a few days and Seems fine and his mom pretty much got him right back so they're good#but there was at least another kid walking off that ship. what about her parents? how long was she gone?? man...#like yeah the dad fucks off to space and leaves his wife and kids behind. even spielberg says he doesnt like that ending anymore#bc odds are- that guy's family is Never gonna see him again. and they'll never know what happened. they'll never be Told what happened#'dad went crazy and went missing' and that's it. that would fuck with you#this movie's like 'yeah aliens! yeah ufos! yeah the unknown! yeah science! yeah mystery! yeah the power of music'#but the people caught in the middle of all this 'wonder' w/out Seeing that 'wonder' for themselves? this would suck. it's bleak.#such a killjoy take on a classic scifi movie but i forgot how much this movie just gives me a sense of dread#it's not how the audience is meant to feel anyway!#close encounters of the third kind#rambles
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disjointed fandom posting sorry but it just hit me that pwotr is like. the only rpg where a companion never once left my team
#you can guess who it was jgkdfg#but yeah i think it has to do with disapproval not being a thing in the usual sense#Daeran was there 24/7 but my team in general is very stable compared to how often i switch it up on bg3 or the dragon ages#it's like . Daeran Woljif Seelah Lann + free space that gets swapped around (but most often it's Arue)#like aside from the point when woljif isn't there for plot reasons - i think the only time seelah and lann werent there-#was at the trap for the Other?#and that was only for plot reasons again bc basically Elluin was 99% sure the situation would escalate/#he'd wind up murdering a bunch of inquisitors and. yk. don't generally want the paladin and the guy who can't stand your bf there for that#though maybe I'll change it in future because it would be spicy if they WERE there to see it... hmmm#anyway yeah it's very interesting to me how consistent it was comparatively#honorable mention to Wyll for being the only other companion from an rpg that I don't recall taking out of my team for 99% of the game#and Zevran for being there for about? 80%? Orion didn't take him into the deep roads for blight safety reasons#it's a LITTLE bit funny to think of Daeran as the one companion this happens to djkfg#similar to the Dorian Bit of the high class character forced to trudge along the dirt fdjgk but.. better#because he's deadass forced to do it dnfmgbdh#I have this one particular thought in my head about the abyss as well.#about being made to follow along the heart of Alushinyrra as essentially a glowing target?#and how that's somehow both the worst and best outcome of being in the abyss in the fist place?#i mean he says it himself retroactively about the battlebliss. there's a certain sense of safety that comes from sticking close to the kc#and that's also why Elluin Does keep him with- it's a risk either way but if we gotta bring an aasimar into the Abyss#and that aasimar just so happens to be someone he has a vested interest in keeping safe#he's much better off where he can see him at all times rather than at camp#gods something about this visual. standing right there as the person you're following walks in front of you-#provoking the 2d highest authority in the entire /realm/ - a realm that's already been hostile to you from the very second you stepped ther#yet somehow - against all sense or better judgement . you know it's going to be fine?#(yes in a sense Dae may be safer than anyone there on account of life insurance and the Other itself in a sense but still)#im shaking the bars of my enclosure etcetera#river rambles
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leonardo: we're gonna need a bigger bed
usagi: babe. this is a queen-sized bed.
leonardo: yeah but there's two of us now
leonardo: and this is not a two-queen-sized bed
usagi: *trying to remember why he fell in love with this turtle*
#leonardo manages to find a new boundary of usagi's affection on the daily#it's fine it goes both ways#usagi tosses and turns at night like a rotisserie chicken and leonardo needs some space from that#i love them so much. they're absolute idiots.#leoichi#rottmnt future leo#yuichi usagi
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oh wow just saw flatmate messaged saying another friend passed smth on like oh okay. I didn't realise he went too u didn't say. in fact none of u said anything to me so that's great
#he lives hours away thats a lot of travel just for drinks#when she asked me she said it was her + one other person. going out for drinks in evening.#but clearly she took the day off work bc ghosts dont do laundry. so it was a whole day trip. so why tell me it was just drinks#unless she just wanted a good excuse for me not to come. okay 👍#i cant even make myself mad abt it like fair enough man. i get it.#and if last weekend is anything to go off she probably wont ask me at all in the future#well as long as they have fun it doesnt matter i guess. im tired of feeling like im just intruding in everyones lives#and everyone fucking lying like what u say doesnt line up with how u act i can tell its not real im not that fucking stupid#ive dealt with this so many times before average autistic experience im tired of naively believing ppl and then the rug being pulled#sorry for being the way i am and for wanting things and for trying to take up space i give up its not worth it anyway#at least this is giving me smth to feel shit abt instead of just formless malaise. makes it easier to deal with that way#anyway. just need to get my shit enough together to leave the house by 3 so i can pick up this stuff for work#and i can do most of my other chores tmr so thats fine#i hate how much fucking time i waste feeling awful. no wonder other ppl have time to watch n read n create n whatever so much more than me#half of my fucking life is spent in my head trying and failing to emotionally regulate im so so sick of it#i wish i never had to think a single thought again and maybe id be happy#jesus fucking christ. well i need to leave my room soon bc i need to pee im not depressed enough to piss in a bucket just yet#hope i never get to that stage again amen uni was pretty fucking dire#.vent#hate weekends so fucking much what a waste of free time
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on the one hand i never want to live with another person ever again but on the other hand the weather got cold and i pulled out my heavy blankets and the bed is so COMFY and it is absolutely CRIMINAL that not a soul in this vast world is sharing it with me 😤
#'hey drake why do you keep buying household objects in twos' don't even worry about that#sometimes i eat pasta more than once in a dishwasher cycle so it's only reasonable to buy two pasta bowls#being honest though. idk i can see a future for myself that's longer than just the next week or two#and it's not unreasonable that in said future i might find a partner. or two. or a series of flings. or something#and I'm just. making space for that idea#i don't know what want exactly or with whom#but I'm open to the idea of wanting#don't get me wrong. i am also very open to the idea of just living out my days with cats and no one else#that's an option. that's fine#but like#goddamn i need someone to appreciate how comfy this bed is
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fellow "holiday season is complicated for grief reasons" kids wya? how r u doin this year? ilu. i've got a ten year dead parent membership card if you want to come cry about it being year two or year one or year six and a half or something/anything, i got you, i know ♥
#i have. been less Intensely Christmas Sad but more conscious of a future anniversary so i'm sort of#idling in a very nostalgic but not inherently evil spaced-out sort of space lately#''hannah does it get easier?'' It jumps around year to year. Nothing seems to correlate to this but some years it's really hard and#the only thing I could really think about was them not being there/missing out. Some years you hang a stocking and set a place at the table#and it's fine.#Year two was awful. Year 7 also very bad. A few in between were pretty okay.#Last year I was really angry in a righteous fury kind of way and I fought for all our older traditions like I WILL ENJOY THIS ;dlksjfg;sldl#hopefully obviously this doesn't just have to be about parents that's just. that's the short stick i got i'm blowing you kisses regardless#and yes also if you are not awash with christmas grief you also get kisses i promise#genuinely about to haul off & start biting ( ooc. )#loss tw#grief tw#it's an olive branch but still
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Bio update, just for clarification :)
#longish tags#tag ramble#tag rant#dw it's nothing anyone said on here#just had a really shitty day in what is usually my only safe space#to be extra clear; she is fine#on occasion#considering today though i might change that in the future#I'll update again if that happens :)#anyway look 🥺🥺#he's got monster socks 🥺#not rb#cw misgendering#<-just in case#removed some of the tag ramble; sorry if you saw the old tags lol you're not going crazy
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I ended up reading The Price of the Phoenix and while it didn't make me want to bleach my eyes like Killing Time, I still didn't like it as much as I hoped I would. Don't get me wrong, the homoeroticism was intriguing to me, but the actual writing and storyline itself left me with a headache. I think I get my hopes up with these books, given all of the possibilities that the written word has for Trek, and it inevitably sets me up for disappointment lol
#if u liked it thats fine I just kind of hated it#star trek#The only ones Ive genuinely liked so far is STTMP and the one about Garak written by Andrew Robinson#i wish Roddenberry had written more. STTMP was no literary masterpiece but his writing style had a lot of potential and I feel that#he actually captured the characters authentically and you could relate to their feelings#Price of the Phoenix had all of this corny alpha male shit going on that almost made me feel#like the author just didn't know how to write men or something#Like they relied a lot on stereotypes of the time which sucked considering that Kirk and co. are supposed to be living in the future#the dialogue was clunky and even confusing at times#and the characters were just#idk. vapid to me#Like Kirk and Spock's love for each other is portrayed which is nice but basically everything else about them just didnt feel#accurately characterized or otherwise explored#it was basically just muliple chapters of several different versions of Kirk getting his ass kicked & this big weird villain dude taking up#space on the page with his plan to take over the universe or whatever#the reincarnation concept was intriguing but the themes just weren't clear enough for me#the end haha#sttos#k/s#review#price of the phoenix#well Im glad I read it anyway I was curious#i get kind of leary of certain K/S content TBF since a lot of it- esp around that time- comes off as voyeuristic towards M/M relationships#a lot of those ppl didnt exactly care about queer movements as much as they cared about seeing their two fictional favs fuck#yes there were queer writers but we didnt always exactly get center stage in these things#you can tell what is written with respect and whats just kinda. written. you feel me#i love K/S and its history but Im not gonna pretend all or even half of it was written with the intention of uplifting queer men#i ended up having more to say than I realized uhhhhhh to be continued at another date
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