#>become physically unable to write something if it doesn’t have A Point

[compacflt]

Out of curiosity, would you ever consider writing more Cyclone (or even CyMav) since he is your fav character?

mmm not really unless i like REALLY had something to say. as you can clearly see i have So So Much to say about TG86 ice, and So So Little to say about pretty much anyone else. everyone else is just little set pieces for my interpretation of TG86 ice to interact with and that’s pretty much it. if i ever get around to finishing/posting my 1776-1812 au, that is 100% about MAV and not about ice, but only because i like kinda have something to say about grief & loss that i couldn’t say in my other fics because i refuse to kill ice in my little alternate universe. so, if cyclone presented some kind of interesting character conundrum, or some way to Thematize An Issue, yeah id write about it. but so far he hasn’t really, besides the interrogation of gender roles i already wrote about.

im one of those people that’s like ride or die for one certain ship & can’t really write outside of it (call it a lack of imagination or what have you) I personally canNot see cyclone & maverick working out under Any Circumstances so i wouldnt even know where to begin with writing their relationship. i could probably write a killer break-up scene but not much else lol.

[butchcarmy]

i’d really like to know your opinion on carmy and sex, in the sex scene with claire he doesn’t seem all there with it

YES I would LOVE to discuss this!! Strap in everyone I have so many thoughts, and I totally invite ppl to agree or disagree :D

Firstly you’re so right… tbh I never gave that scene much thought but I love this take for many reasons. Like, carmy is a VIRGIN. he’s NEVER had a girlfriend. I think he’s barely had friends. He’s not good at relationships. While I do LOVE writing him as a pussy devourer and soft dom it would take a while for him to get to that point… putting this in a read more bc it got lengthy btw

Carmy is a very repressed person by nature. With that being said, I think he’s also very lonely. He definitely has sexual desires and fantasies, but has never let him act on them, nor has given himself the opportunity. After never having sex for 30 years, I think he’s built up a lot of pressure towards it.

He also has so much trouble allowing himself joy of any kind. He has this logic where if he lets himself be happy, tragedy will come. Foreboding joy and all that. That extends to every part of his life, including sex, ESPECIALLY sex, relationships of any kind. But deep down, he truly wants connection, physical intimacy, emotional intimacy.

So when he has sex for the first time, it has to be with someone he really trusts and likes. He’ll put a ton of pressure on himself to feel good, but mostly to make the other person feel good. He’d ask the other person how to make them feel good, what he should do. If he’s good at anything, it’s following instructions, following a recipe to completion.

But he’s probably gonna get too caught up in what he thinks he should be doing to properly enjoy himself. Sex is about communication, something he isn’t good at doing with himself or with others. He’ll get stuck in his own head, possibly being unable to pick up cues from himself or his partner. And probably end up dissociating quite a bit, just like you noticed.

Practice (and communication) makes perfect! As long as he has a patient partner, I’m sure Carmy will be able to reach a comfortable place with sex. He’s a giving person, and he wants to give in bed too, vis a vis pussy eating champion (but also oral fixation lol). I also think a blow job could fix him HAHAHA he could come like. Instantaneously LMFAO

I have a lot of fun writing him being like, super good at sex, and I think once he jumps over some mental hurdles he can become his enlightened pussy destroyer self. That’s the version of carmy I’d write in my fic line “let me love on you”, but realistically, sex for him would look much different than that. That’s what I hope to explore in my slow burn fic “ALEXITHYMIA”!!

Anyway wow my thoughts are all over the place here but I hope this makes sense. I think about carmy so much lol

[crazylittlejester]

Can we hear about "the other Wars"? 👀

ABSOLUTELY

i dont really have anything I can really share for this one, it’s in very rough shape and mostly just jotted down notes, but it’s the idea I mentioned ages ago about wanting to write a fic where Wars was a villain. And i dont mean just an asshole, I mean at some point in the war something happened and his need for control led him to believe the only way to save everyone and ever feel safe again was to gain as much power as physically possible and essentially do everything himself. in his mind he’s protecting the people of hyrule, but he’s actually become a dictator. and once he WINS the war and defeats ganon and cia and everything is over, he can’t let that power go because it makes him feel safe and it’s all he can rely on, and he’s taken over the kingdom at that point and Lana, Zelda, Impa and all the others have literally had to leave because they can’t get rid of him from right next to him and he sees them as threats. And he just grows more and more paranoid that people are going to take his “safety” away so he becomes a worse and worse person. But in HIS mind he’s doing it to protect people he loves and also himself, because his fear has made him selfish but he’s unable to see that. its not that he doesn’t still care about the others, because he DOES, but his perception of reality has been so fucked up and twisted he can’t comprehend the harm he causes

HOWEVER: REGULAR GOOD OL WARS IS ALSO JUST THERE IN THIS FIC. THERES TWO OF THEM. Because Evil Wars ended the war HOW he did, the timeline didn’t heal, so he’s in his own timeline continuing to fucking suck, and a portal spits out the chain in THAT era. So Regular Wars and Evil Wars will at some point comes face to face

and the whole point of this fic is that I want to highlight that YES, (Regular) Warriors is a deeply traumatized character who’s terrified of betrayal and just wants to feel safe and to protect others, and yes sometimes his fear and his worry can come across as him being harsh to the others, but he is not cruel. He was never cruel, not at any point in his game. His over confidence does not equate to him being unkind, in his game he got a bit of an ego, sure, but he was a kid and he learned his mistake. His trauma does not make him abusive, he IS a kind and caring person, and he chooses to be one despite all he went through because he has compassion for others and lives his life serving the kingdom and its people that he loves so much

…basically i’m petty and i hated seeing so much of Asshole Wars that I decided I was going to create Evil Wars but STILL make him human and not completely cold hearted. DONT GET ME WRONG EVIL WARS STILL FUCKING SUCKS, but also he exists (in part) to highlight the gentleness and love Regular Wars treats others with, EVEN when he’s stressed and/or scared. Because Wars is not a fucking asshole and shouldn’t be used to create more angst for the other members of the chain and i lose a year off my life every time i see that happen thats my biggest pet peeve like yeah sure its your fanfic do whatever you want but oh my god im falling to my knees and screaming at the sky

[physalian]

So you want to turn your one-off book into a series…

As a writer who decided only after publishing book 1 of a trilogy, to then make it a 4 book saga, here are my thoughts on series planning, or at least the insomnia-driven process I went through to reach this decision:

Firstly—I prefer to write multi-book stories with the structure like Lord of the Rings over something like Harry Potter. As in, it’s one long story with various hurdles to overcome split into multiple books, instead of each book being much more self-contained, with a reliable time skip, like years of schooling.

With that in mind, the very first thought I have is this: What are the new threats going to be? I don’t think about my heroes or any subplots or new characters. Priority one is my antagonistic forces: Do I have enough to each carry their own book?

A hero is only as compelling as their conflict, after all.

In my sci-fi WIP, I had 6 main characters and five books planned, and I based it off the structure of the OG Teen Titans cartoon—Everybody gets their own season and while not every episode is about them, the main threat is theirs first, with the rest of the team backing them up. The threat was always a twofer, both an external threat and an internal conflict that they had to overcome in their book. For example I had a character who “lead” book 2, and the external threat was Bad Guys from a different team member’s war, dragging her home into it. The internal threat was her “suffer in silence” tendency and extreme self-reliance, which becomes too much for her to handle when her powerhouse teammate is out of commission physically and unable to help her emotionally.

ENNS doesn’t have an ensemble cast and was not meant to. In this style, if it’s one long story, I’d need three major incidents in books 1-3 that all led up to a final conflict in book 4, all building off each other. I needed essentially two whole “Helms Deeps” for books 2 and 3. Not just in terms of story but literal conflict, as I write high fantasy and not having a big climactic battle for a whole book would flop. But now I need two of them, and I struggle with action scenes.

And without spoiling myself, I have them vaguely defined. For me, at least, so long as I have my little compass pointing toward my “North” of “this is the thing that every major scene should be dealing with in some capacity” it doesn’t matter what path I take to get there, I’ll figure it out. Heavily outlining only ever leaves me with plenty of outline but no book.

For me, once I have my main threat, I then have my main theme. Example for ENNS being that book 1’s main theme/question was “What makes a monster?”

Have yet to narrow it down and split the original 3 themes now into 4, but one I intend on exploring is “Can vampires change?”

Doing this, having your big picture at least in a foggy idea, helps with cohesion across multiple books, and within the same story. If you keep your theme in the back of your mind and relate as many character arcs and mini conflicts back to it as possible, it’ll really start to look like you know what you’re doing.

Otherwise you end up with a bunch of loose ends and dangling plot threads that get abandoned, or characters that feel out of place as their arc has nothing to do with the rest of the story, it’s just here because they had to do something to participate.

So if you want to see now book 1 of 4, check out Eternal Night of the Northern Sky on Amazon.

[koco-coko]

OC Info Post: Bonnabel de Saint-Germain

(This is most certainly my most self-indulgent and somehow also my most thought-out OC. Enjoy my unadulterated silliness)

@drewadoodle hi here's the mansion baby (apparently i have one for the castle trio too except that one's fully an adult so if I post her I can tag you in that one too if ya want)

General:

Full name: Bonnabel de Saint-Germain

Nickname: Bonnie, Bon-Bon (Arthur specific), Bell (Theo and Vincent specific)

Birthday: November 8th

Likes: Outdoors, Pastries, Mousette, Reading

Dislikes: Sour Flavors, Math, Rules

Background: A mysterious infant showed up on Le Comte de Saint-Germain’s doorstep one night during a banquet with the residents, and she’s been called his daughter ever since. All she came with was a homemade birth certificate, a stuffed toy of a pastel blue bat, and a wax-sealed letter. The contents of said letter are only known to Comte and Leonardo and he has refused to share it with anyone else, even Bonnie herself. A strange injection Bonnabel took as a newborn has made it so that they are unable to detect what kind of vampire she is, though Comte doesn’t seem too concerned about that fact…

Through the Ages

(aka the main differences between Bonnabel’s different ages without getting into deep spoilers because I’m writing a fic with her hehe.) (Bonnabel is almost always portrayed in the Childhood stage. Sometimes teenage [mostly with castle trio])

Childhood– Bonnabel, wild and carefree. Don’t even try to make her sit still– she’ll bite your hands with dull, stubby fangs until you let her go. The biggest nuisance and agent of chaos the house has seen in a while. Temper tantrums and dramatic outbursts are common, and as a vampire, she’s really yet to understand her strength. Still… There is something endearing about her reckless abandon and pure fascination with life. She’s sweet and kind all the same, she just has her moments.

Teenage years– Outdoor play time has turned into calm walks through the garden and snack time is now tea time. Although Bonnabel’s matured since being in single digits, everyone can tell something about her is just… off. Maybe it’s the way she’s shy about everything, how reclusive she’s become, how utterly captivated she is by space, or perhaps the way she’s withdrawn from everything other than her studies. Her self-image couldn’t be worse (how could she ever compare to the greats of history she lived amongst, really?), and she’s really been pestering Comte about her past as of late.

Adulthood– Bonnabel, after many, many challenges, trial and errors, heartbreaks, and betrayal, has finally grown into her own skin. Well, sort of. She’s gained back some of the excitement she had when she was a little girl, but it’s been distilled into a fine wit and humor. Now, she simply does as she pleases, whether that be studying something to the point of burning into her brain to simply staying in all day and catching up on some novels. She’s a vampire! She’s got all the time in the world to get things right.

Physical:

Eye color: A pale orange, with slight hints of crimson in her pupils. It’s not very noticeable from far away but in the right sunlight it’s a bit more 

Hair color- Sandy blonde, like Vincent’s hair. Just a bit more colorful than that.

Disabilities- Undiagnosed because of the century, but most certainly has ADHD and dyscalculia (unable to some basic math)

Height- Childhood: 4’1, Teenage: 5’0, Adulthood: 5’11

(i dont have any drawings so um yeah i just used to ikevamp doll haha)

Relationships:

I’ll be splitting the characters into archetypes– how Bonnabel sees each of the residents as a family unit, then going a bit more in-depth.

Brothers– Arthur, Vincent, Theo, Isaac, Napoleon, Jean

– Napoleon: The big brother. No matter how Bonnabel’s feeling, whether she wants to play or vent to him, he’ll make time available. Bonnabel likes hiding and cuddling into his cape and constantly pesters him to teach her fencing. Instead, he’ll teach her how to cook pastries (it’s not like Jean or Vincent are going to do it). 

– Arthur: He’s the one Bonnabel goes to if she wants to get away with something or is bored out of her mind. He’s the fun brother and almost lets her get away with anything. Especially when it comes to teasing Isaac. He’ll also sneak her chocolates from time to time. She loves playing detective with him and likes to act out scenes from books with him. Plus, Vic and Bonnie are utterly enamored with each other, so it’s always a good time with Arthur.

– Vincent and Theo: How could they not feel like her big brothers? Vincent is the only person Bonnie is nice to no matter her mood and he’ll let her watch him paint if she’s ever interested. They tried finger-painting when she was little, but she tried to eat the paint and it’s been banned for the time being.

Theo, on the other hand… It’s a bit more tenuous. Bonnabel didn’t understand being called a mutt or pup was a sign of affection at first, but the two clicked once the misunderstanding was cleared up. As a little girl, Bonnabel drew a picture of all three of them holding hands with both Vincent and Theo titled ‘big brothers’ and that might be the closest Theo was to ever crying in front of his brother. He now has it framed in his room.

– Isaac, Mozart, and Jean: All in the same boat- didn’t get along at first, but later on they became close. Mozart’s relationship with loud and wild Bonnabel is… strange, but he does seem to be able to talk sense in her. She only recently got unbanned from the music room. Mozart’s bedroom is still off limits. Isaac was wary of her (especially because she liked Arthur so much), but they get along once she’s older and quieter. Sometimes they stargaze together. Jean has always been kind to her, but never got too close. Well, until Bonnabel insisted they study reading together and now it’s not uncommon to see them reading fairy tales together. Jean has promised to teach Bonnabel fencing one day, too, behind Comte’s back. 

Weird Uncles– Dazai and William

Dazai: Dazai is a nutcase, but in a fun way! He’s always speaking in riddles, but at least he’s not boring, right? She doesn’t interact with him that much, but when she does, she’s surprised by the words of wisdom she receives. She also has joined forces with him to absolutely torment Isaac, except she’s the one who has to apologize and learn a lesson. He’s fun, just weird.

William: Bonnabel doesn’t see him often. When she does, Puck is close behind and the girl and rabbit become inseparable. Bonnabel is utterly infatuated with Puck and gives him all of her attention, booping his cute little nose at every chance. The one bad thing about seeing Will is, well… tiny little Bonnabel can’t understand him at all. Vincent or Comte have to translate for her if they ever visit the villa because she’s too shy to ask him to speak simpler.

Parents– Leonardo and Comte

Comte: Dearest papa! It’s his life mission to make sure Bonnabel never has to know a day of pain or fear. Sure, perhaps the idea of raising her without the same pressures of nobility and vampirism that he did is a selfish wish, but she’s smiling everyday in the mansion. He has to be doing something right, right? Comte was Bonnabel’s whole world as a little girl. Going into her teenage years, their relationship becomes strained, much to Comte’s confusion and sorrow. (And yes, the pun in Bonnabel's name was intentional, even if he tries to deny it).

Leonardo: Babbo! Whenever there’s a Comte level matter but Bonnabel’s worried he’ll be mad at her, she goes to Leonardo. While hugging Comte smells like fine wine and perfumes, Leonardo smells like book pages and cigars. Both scents have become safe places for her. They take naps together a lot. Especially when Bonnabel is upset. Sometimes she’ll find him sleeping on the floor and join him because she’s bored, using his chest as a pillow. A lot of Bonnabel’s toys and even her bed are made by him.

Auntie and ‘Mama–’ MC/Mitsuki and Sebastian

– When Bonnabel was learning how to talk, she called Sebastian ‘Mama’ and it kind of stuck. Nowadays, she just calls him Sebby (he’s not the biggest fan, but nothing he’d really want to complain about), but sometimes they still joke about that name despite Bonnabel having zero recollection of it. Unfortunately, Bonnabel almost never listens to what Sebastian has to say unless he flicks her forehead. 

Mitsuki was called Auntie from the start. Bonnabel respects her a lot and will mostly listen to her authority, so she is definitely more of an aunt than a sister to her. This is also due to Mitsuki having to help Comte in certain aspects of raising her, such as bathtime and the likes. A part of their strong connection simply is the fact they’re the only women in the mansion.

BONUS! Castle Trio (met at Teenage Stage)

Charles-Henri: After a bit of apprehension, they get along pretty well. Whenever Bonnabel starts stressing out, Charles will pop up and distract her with games, food, or something else. He also tends to encourage any of her fixations no matter what, when, how and why.

Faust: Bonnabel is completely creeped out by him, but… He seems to know her somehow. Sort of like an uncle you haven’t seen in years but keep telling you things they remember. Bonnabel thinks he might know about her birth parents, but she's too shy and nervous to ask him. He’s… polite, at least. Doesn’t seem to try and bother her very much, but he still gives odd vibes. She does not want to be alone in a room with him.

Vlad: Oh… him. Yeah. It’s weird. On one hand, they have a shared trauma they can bond over, and on the other, he’s trying to hurt her family. Sure, he saved her from certain death that one time, but his dream has become so twisted she can’t help but distrust him. Still, it’s not as if they don’t get along. Actually, they have a lot more in common than one might think. 

[deadtired-highkeyenergetic]

I'll Be There

I thought I'd try my hand at writing my own OC in an attempt to grasp his character better. So far he's been trying to resist the urge to kill everything on sight but sometimes, especially when he's in stealth mode, he really wonders what would happen if he shot someone. And since he secretly craves physical contact he just wanted to hold hands with Gale but Gale took it the wrong way.

Summary: Astarion and Hayate (my male ranger fire dragonborn durge oc) learn to open up to each other.

Deep breath in, draw the bowstring back, hold it steady. Eye on the target, slowly exhale. Release.

His arrow finds its mark again, piercing through the gullet of the paladin leader and his cloak turns him invisible, its familiar tendrils coiling around him. His footsteps are soft and quick, gliding over the dirt with practised ease as he positions himself in the perfect spot. He lifts the longbow once more, battle calm washing over him and slots an arrow through another paladin’s gullet.

Without batting an eye at the blood that colours the ground crimson, he changes position once more. He doesn’t need to think anymore when hunting his prey, every movement has become muscle memory, ingrained in him for a reason that is out of his reach. He hates the haze that clouds his memories, hates the black that blots out the moments he tears into innocents, hates the euphoria that bubbles within his chest when blood spills all over a shocked face, but something about the thought of choosing who and what to slaughter sends thrills up his spine.

So he chases the feeling, hoping it will bring him closer to uncovering his memories despite the bile rising in his throat each time he looks at his bloodstained hands. How much blood has he spilled? How many innocents has he torn apart with his claws? How deep is the blood he is swimming in?

More importantly, what other vile acts has he committed?

The creature that claims to be his butler has dropped hints that he has committed the vilest of acts, but for what reason the butler refuses to elaborate. Something about being unable to interfere with his business or something, leaving him with an unscratchable itch in his mind.

“Hayate.” A quiet whisper snaps him out of his thoughts before they can drown him. Astarion. Of course the vampire would know where he was, invisibility couldn’t hide the smell of his blood. The vampire spawn shoots him a look of what seems like concern but he can’t quite place an emotion on the look before the vampire sneaks off to kill the trader before she can escape.

With a shake of his head, he pushes the thoughts out of his mind. A familiar yet unfamiliar voice echoes in his head, warning him against being distracted during a fight before disappearing just as quickly as it had appeared. Yet another mystery to solve, he thinks as he surveys the battlefield. A small part of him wants the memories to never be recovered, amnesia has been a good excuse for the atrocities he’s committed so far and something within him quivers in fear thinking about the need to take responsibility for all his actions.

Looking at his companions, he wonders if they will accept him for who he is when they find his missing memories with him. He watches from the sidelines as Gale heaves a sigh of relief once the battle ends as no one has died this time, Astarion rummages through the dead bodies for loot and Shadowheart scouts the area for any potential threats they might have missed.

“Are you alright Hayate? You seem out of sorts,” Gale taps him on the shoulder, startling the dragonborn who bares his teeth out of instinct. The wizard raises his hands in surrender and takes a step back, apologising.

“It’s alright, I’m the one who should be sorry for startling you,” Hayate shakes his head. “I’m feeling fine, how are you?”

“I’m quite alright, although I am concerned about you. I saw you space out in the middle of a fight,” Gale rightly points out, brown eyes searching the dragonborn’s heterochromatic gaze for hints of what is going on in his head.

“It’s nothing,” Hayate frowns, eyes narrowing. “We ought to sort through the loot before Astarion makes off with another enchanted dagger without any of us knowing again.”

The dragonborn forces a smile, hoping it will reassure the wizard and breathes out a small sigh of relief when said wizard nods and heads towards the bodies just as Astarion sneaks something into his pocket. A small squabble ensues but Hayate pays it no mind, he knows the two will sort it out by themselves with little to no bloodshed. If anything, it provides a spot of entertainment after the exhausting fight.

“Something is bothering you.” A female voice sounds from behind him. Hayate stops himself before he can let out a groan of annoyance and smiles through his teeth at Shadowheart.

“It’s nothing to worry about.” He really doesn’t feel like talking about his dark thoughts, it isn’t a pleasant topic in the first place and the urges already circle in his mind all the time, he doesn’t need them brought to the surface. Needing to talk about the tadpole wriggling in his brain is already exhausting enough, he would rather not add on to the number of issues he has shared about.

Shadowheart frowns at him but doesn’t press the matter further. She knows what it’s like to not want to share personal matters and it’s not her place to dig further. Astarion on the other hand, may be the only one who can reach the dragonborn. The two had become quite close ever since Astarion had revealed himself to be a vampire spawn, with Hayate going as far as to offer his blood every night to keep the vampire satiated and happy.

Then again Shadowheart wasn’t that surprised by how quickly they had bonded. Both enjoyed some bloodshed here and there, took delight in putting a surprise arrow through their enemies’ necks and had a knack for pickpocketing.

She makes her way towards the vampire and gestures at Hayate. Astarion raises an eyebrow at her, “so it’s my job now to poke my nose into our darling leader’s business?”

“You’re the one he talks the most to.”

“Have you ever considered it’s because I don’t glare at him all the time?” Astarion huffs dramatically but a flash of concern flickers across his eyes when he looks at the dragonborn standing off to the side, deep in thought.

Shadowheart rolls her eyes, “if you don’t talk to him I’ll tell Gale you stole the magical item Hayate was going to feed to him.”

“Excuse me darling, you’re the one who stole it in the first place. I was going to kindly give it to Gale like the gentleman I am but you took it before I could do anything!”

“As if. Now go and talk some sense into your dearest dragonborn,” Shadowheart gives the vampire a shove in Hayate’s direction, ignoring the little threats spewed as he stumbles forward. Astarion scowls at her but does as she says, only because if their leader was out of sorts the party wouldn’t quite hold itself together, and that wasn’t favourable for himself.

Yes, that’s the only reason why he was going out of his way to do this.

“Hello darling, I can’t help but notice you seem a little down,” Astarion purrs. “Perhaps I could do something about it?”

He leans in close, the smoky scent of the fire dragonborn filling his nose and prepares himself to feverishly slot his lips against the drgaonborn’s but Hayate pulls away with a hiss, heterochromatic eyes glowering with fury.

“Quit it!” Hayate snarls with such ferocity that Astarion instinctively flinches, quickly hopping back to put distance between him and Hayate. The dragonborn’s keen eyes don’t miss the flash of fear in the vampire’s ruby eyes and immediately his heart plummets.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” Hayate looks down at his feet, toe claws digging into the dirt. Yet another thing to add to his already long list of disgusting qualities.

Astarion lets out a hollow laugh, a practiced smile plastered on his face, “don’t you worry darling. Your teeth are just a little too sharp for my tastes, but it’s something I can work around.”

Hayate shakes his head, “just…leave me alone for a bit alright, Astarion? I promise you can still feed on me later tonight.”

“Then I’ll see you later in camp, darling. Don’t keep me waiting for too long.” Astarion winks, turning around to head back to the others.

Hayate lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding and sighs. Why did he always drive away those he wanted by his side? Had he never been taught to let others into his life? One more mystery to solve on top of the mountain of other mysteries he already had. At this point, Hayate was sure said mountain dwarfed him, and he was by no means a small dragonborn male.

“Let’s make camp and rest up,” he says once he’s gathered his thoughts enough to form a sentence that wouldn’t provoke anyone. The others nod, and go their separate ways to pitch their tents. Hayate can barely force himself to put together a shabby tent before collapsing onto his bedroll with a groan. His head throbs, his hands feel sticky and his throat feels dry. Should he tell Astarion he’s not feeling well tonight and apologise for being unable to make good on his promise?

His tent flap ruffles and said vampire peeks in, inviting himself into the tent when he sees the dragonborn lying on a bedroll with an arm draped over his face.

“There’s something you’re not telling me, darling.”

Hayate blearily rolls onto his side, facing away from Astarion who makes himself comfortable on the unoccupied side of the bedroll.

“Drop the matter already,” Hayate groans. Astarion neatly arranges the various items strewn about on the tent floor and carefully picks his way over to the dragonborn.

“I distinctly recall someone telling me that it’s not good to bottle one’s feelings up, especially the negative ones.”

“Screw off.”

“Well, that was a tad bit more polite than I expected.” Astarion lies down next to him, looking up at the ceiling of the tent. “I was waiting for you to start cussing me out.”

“Would you rather I do that?”

“Not really, but if it makes you feel better be my guest.”

In all honesty, Astarion has no idea what he’s doing. He’s just running through the motions he remembers Hayate doing when he felt trapped in his own mind, disgusted at his body, but if it worked for him it might just work for Hayate. The lack of a response from the dragonborn is a start, he decides, and sneaks a glance to make sure his lover is still there. He reaches over, gently tracing along the warm scales that line his lover’s bare arm from the elbow all the way to the clawtips, cautiously pressing his cold palm against Hayate’s warm scaly palm.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, we could always just lie like this,” he murmurs. “I don’t mind.”

Something sparks in Hayate’s eyes. Confusion, surprise then recognition. He intertwines his clawed fingers with Astarion’s long slender ones, giving Astarion’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I distinctly recall someone saying the exact same thing some time back.”

Astarion can’t help but smile when he sees the corners of Hayate’s lips quirk upwards but refrains from stealing any kisses, lest he crosses any boundaries. If Hayate wanted a kiss, he would have to initiate it, not Astarion.

Maybe it’s because of the quiet bliss that the night brings but for whatever reason, Hayate’s walls just come crumbling down at Astarion’s words. He lets out a heavy sigh, turning around to face the vampire, “are you sure you want to know?”

The resolute look in the vampire’s eyes tells Hayate everything he needs to know and his grip on the cold hand tightens.

“Would you still love me if I was the vilest creature in all of Faerun?”

“Come now, darling. How could you possibly be the vilest creature in all of Faerun? You wouldn’t have been able to recruit the do-gooder hero Wyll Ravengard if that was the case,” Astarion chuckles but quickly stops when he sees how serious Hayate is being.

“What makes you say that about yourself, darling?” He asks quietly, gently cupping Hayate’s cheek.

“I have…these urges…that call me to slaughter innocents, bathe in their blood, drink their misery.”

“I know, darling. You’ve told me this before and yet I still chose you.”

“No, it’s not just that.” Hayate growls, frustrated. “What you don’t know is that a part of me enjoys doing those, craves it even, and it scares me. I’m scared that I’m so messed up to the point where I’m beyond saving, and I don’t want to burden you with this, not when you’re already dealing with your own problems.”

“Darling, you could never burden me.” Astarion curses the lull of the peaceful night that softens him. The line between performance and genuineness blurs under the soft crackling of the campfire outside as he dances dangerously close to the edge, and falls right off as he stares into the sad heterochromatic eyes of the fire dragonborn. He plummets, but Hayate catches him, cushioning the fall.

Hayate dances his own dance as he loses himself in the dark ruby eyes of the vampire spawn. He doesn’t know if this night is just another performance, perfected by centuries of practise but he dives right in, trusting that Astarion will catch him as he falls.

“When we find out how much blood I’m swimming in, will you still be there by my side?” Hayate breathes out. His heart thunders, afraid of the two letter word that may fall from the vampire’s lips and squeezes his eyes shut, steeling himself for the worst but Astarion’s next words catch him off guard.

“Of course.”

Hayate cracks an eye open, checking that none of this was an illusion conjured by his deranged mind. The chill of the hand clasping his and the glint of the firelight outside reflected off the ruby irises looking at him with such softness are far too real to be an illusion. A dream perhaps but if all this is a dream, he doesn’t want it to end. Ever.

“Astarion…” His voice trails off. “I…”

A ‘thank you’ is all he can manage tonight, but it’s more than enough for Astarion who remains by his side for the remainder of the night, the promise of a meal long forgotten. Hayate lets the undead chill from the body of the vampire wash over him and warm his heart, burning away all his doubts for the night as sleep comes to claim his exhausted self. He swears he hears a soft whisper, a promise that the one he has bared his heart to will be there when he wakes but it just as well could be a trick conjured by his tired mind. Still though, Hayate holds onto the promise as he drifts off, for with it comes the prospect of a brighter future, a future where he no longer needs to feel alone.

[twilightknight17]

Today on P3R we are accumulating many small play sessions together that were done in-between anniversary prep and entirely too much minecraft. X’’’D

So let’s roll!

Where last we left our intrepid heroes, Minato’s boyfriend passed out in the middle of the bridge and was carried like a damsel back to the dorm to rest. And canon has no proof that that didn’t happen, so there. :P But anyway, for some reason we all go to school the next day as usual, and Mitsuru arrives at the end of the day to tell us that Ryoji is awake. So it’s time for a meeting.

We’ve got some questions about Nyx.

I’d like to point out that he says “we” and includes himself as part of life/humanity.

So everyone is going to become like the Lost: listless, unable to care for themselves. And if everyone is like that, with no one left to take care of them, everyone will just waste away. Which is horrifying.

SEES, of course, wants to believe that there’s some kind of mistake. Something that they can do to avert it. But Ryoji says everything has already been decided.

So, how long do we have before the Fall arrives, then?

Well, then we can fight! We beat all those other Shadows; this is just an even bigger one!

(We’ve fought Time before, actually. Half of Linear Time, to be specific. But I guess we don’t remember that.)

The Appriser would normally be born as just another Shadow, but because of the experiments, the fight with Aigis, and everything after, Ryoji exists instead.

Please don’t make that face when saying that.

Dearest. Darling. Beloved. You are giving me war flashbacks to a man who won’t be a problem for like eight more years. Even if you’re not technically making a whole fake reality. X’’’’D

He says “technically” he’s the same as Nyx, so he can’t be killed. He’s a Concept, not a person. But he’s just human enough now that Minato specifically would be able to kill him.

You hear that? NEVER.

(I will, probably, just to see the bad ending. But that doesn’t count.)

Ryoji says we just don’t understand the terror of certain death, so he’s going to come back on New Years Eve, the next full moon, for our formal decision whether to give up our memories or not. After that, he’ll lose his physical form. But it’s fine and we shouldn’t worry because he’d just disappear when Nyx arrives anyway.

And then he leaves. Which… don’t. Stay here with us. Please.

No one is okay after that talk.

And then it just dumps me back downstairs for my normal evening activity?

At least I can pet Koromaru.

I guess we’ll go on the computer and watch ninja videos.

.

Yesterday was a terrible day, but we must still go to school today. And after school, we’re gonna go vibe at the mall.

...or not. There are more and more Lost every day. And we have no way to make them better anymore.

I’ll go find Elizabeth. I’ve got a quest to turn in, anyway.

……oh. Uh. Okay. Yeah. Let’s go.

You know… it seems very lonely, being a Velvet attendant. They’re too human to be confined to that room all the time. Elizabeth, especially. She’s a free spirit if I’ve ever seen one. I can assume they have each other, of course, but… I dunno. Seeing Elizabeth get so much happiness out of experiencing new things with Minato is bittersweet.

…

…look. I love my boyfriend very much, but I got the worst news on the planet last night. I think I deserve to make out with a supernatural girl who could bench-press four of me. Just this once.

I spent some time alone with Elizabeth. But like I said, just this once.

I understand. I will still bring you silly gifts, though.

Exactly!

I guess now that all of that is done, I should bother to go to my student council meeting.

...Atlus really didn’t write this link in a way that accounted for it taking all year. X’’’’D

Apparently the teachers want the offending student expelled when they find him, which Odagiri is having second thoughts about. Removing the “bad” kids isn’t going to make everyone else more “good”. So I think he’s finally getting the stick out of his ass. XD

All week, all your teammates want to do is go over the information you got on the third. So there’s dialogue to go over every bit of detail about what Nyx is and why and how this is happening.

Don’t call him an it, senpai, what the fuck.

All the kids at school, meanwhile, are gossiping about how Ryoji’s parents got transferred again, so he’s had to move away. And how mysterious it was that he managed to fit in so well in only a month.

Minato? You doing okay?

...me too, buddy. Don’t worry, we’re gonna spend all day on Sunday playing our MMO.

Maya’s happy to talk again, and has some news! She’s got a crush!

In her homeroom.

Look, I’m not the sort of person who gives a damn about fictional relationship options. Legit I do not care. Date the homeroom teacher if you want. But I just wanna know what she sees in Minato. I guess he doesn’t do half the stupid shit Akira does, but he’s constantly hanging out with weirdos and small children and spends his evenings eating too many burgers. Not that she’d know that, because he doesn’t interact with his teachers regularly at all. It’s not like Kawakami where we had a proper link and we actually knew each other.

She doesn’t know we’re talking right now! If she was confessing to “Tatsuya”, that would make more sense narratively.

Siiiiiiiiiigh.

Also, Mitsuru’s biggest fan wants me to drop off her present for her.

I just said “no”. XD

After a full week of agonizing, we are calling another meeting to decide what we’re doing.

We better all agree, or we’re going to have a problem in a minute.

No one is comfortable with having to confront the possibility that we’re all going to die, but Junpei is the one who finally cracks. He’s on the “anger” stage; he’s been making angry comments about Ryoji all week, and is angry now because he can’t actually do anything. Even if he wants to forget, Minato’s the only one whose decision actually matters in the end.

Yukari tries to make a joke to break the tension, and he fully snaps, yelling at her and all of us and Minato especially.

He says it’s Minato’s fault.

(Kudos to Junpei's VA for the performance of the week here)

Anyway.

He’s not THAT THING. He’s our FRIEND. Do not call him an it! We’re all scared, but Minato couldn’t have fixed this!

Junpei calms down and apologizes for yelling and for snapping at Yukari. He knows it’s not anyone’s fault. He knows we’re all scared. But… I’m glad he got all that out there. Bottling it up would have made it worse. Better now than when we’re about to fight Nyx.

Meeting adjourned.

At least Fuuka is worried about Ryoji.

...he sounded less like he was crying when he explained this time. But… I hope he’s okay alone.

None of us should be alone right now.

[veebs-hates-video-games]

I keep threatening to say something about Xenoblade Chronicles 3, but it keeps not happening. I either can't figure out what I want to write or am unable to actually write it, like I'll have an idea and then sit up, but that'll make my head get weird and make me give up on it for the rest of the day. Again.

I think I finally figured out what I want to talk about though, and if I can make it through 265 hours of the game itself (plus another 35 on Future Redeemed, the standalone DLC story) I can probably handle writing a single post about it, even if it takes me a few tries across several months and turns into kind of a retrospective on the entire series.

As a brief intro for context, in the summer of 2022 when the game came out my health had reached a new low point, even compared to the already not great lows it's been at other times in my life, and XC3 is honestly probably one of the reasons I'm still here now. And I don't just mean on Tumblr.

Ok, maybe that's a little too brief. I have a weird and wacky combination of physical/psych/neuro things that have been going on for years, but up until 2020 they were only partially disabling and left me moderately functional and still fairly happy, and they seemed to be improving for a change. Since that summer they've all been gradually going downhill though, and I've at least for the time being ended up basically completely disabled and unable to do a lot of basic things in my life, and I haven't been having a great time with it.

It doesn't help that I've gotten the absolute bare minimum support for a lot of it (or sometimes even less than that) because most of my doctors retired or moved or changed jobs in the past couple years, and along with it taking forever to get set up with new ones a lot of the new ones have been extremely reluctant to actually address any of my needs. It's super cool to not only get next to zero help with any of the new problems that came up but also not be able to get prescriptions for any of my psych meds and be effectively forcibly detransitioned. That's starting to slowly turn around now, but only barely.

Anyway, by the beginning of the summer of 2022 I was at the point where I was having periods where I was having trouble forming coherent sentences some of the time, and while my brain generating gibberish like "aspirational truth-pissing" or "post-kneecap society" is very funny (to me at least), it's not super useful. I'd become pretty isolated, a lot of friendships and relationships had become pretty distant for various reasons, and I'd had to move back in with the one person who actually abused me (which is pretty far in the past but still pretty uncomfortable).

Basically my life had next to nothing going for it at that point, not much was showing any signs of improving, and it was pretty hard to find anything to look forward to.

(ok so maybe that ended up being not so brief because I don't talk about all that stuff much and apparently I have a lot of feelings about it)

Good news, though! There's a new game coming out in my favorite series!

I have a long and complicated relationship with the Xeno games. I first played Xenogears before Xenosaga was even out, but I never finished it because some of the jankiness frustrated me (and I'm replaying it now and those things about it have aged really poorly, but it's still plenty interesting otherwise). And then I never really played Xenosaga myself (although it's probably next in line after I eventually finish Xenogears) because I never had a PS2, but I had friends who were super into it that I absorbed everything from.

And then by the time the first Xenoblade came out my Wii had already died. A couple years later I had a computer that could emulate it though, so I played it in Dolphin with the HD texture mod...until about halfway through the game, when my CPU caught on fire. A friend gave me a free replacement, but it was slower and didn't run stuff like that nearly as well, so I held off on finishing it until 2020 when I finally could afford new computer stuff (mostly because I had to spend some of my SSI backpay because you're only allowed to have at most $2000 in your bank account at any given time because this country hates disabled people).

And of course it was great.

And then I grabbed the Switch version so I could play Future Connected, which was also great, and then quickly moved on to Xenoblade Chronicles 2 after that...and then stopped playing that one for several months because Tora really grated on me. I think "blushy-crushy" is the point I gave up at. Thankfully I went back to it a bit later, because aside from that and some of the overly horny character designs it's pretty great overall, and Torna completely recontextualizes so much stuff and makes the base game even better.

I even played some of X, and I would've finished it too if my save hadn't gotten corrupted. Maybe some day I'll figure out how to use a memory editor or something to fix it, because it seems almost fine, and I don't really want to replay 70 hours of it...

So I was understandably pretty excited by the surprise announcement in early 2022 of the third game and then its release date getting pushed up even sooner, and even though my life had imploded further by that summer, some of that feeling carried through.

And you know what? Xenoblade Chronicles 3: also great. I know, big surprise. It looks great and the music's great and the actual gameplay is great (and much better explained than in the previous game), and all of that is great and has already been said by a million other people.

And they've also all had plenty to say about how the characters and their interactions and development are great, generally handled even better than in any of the previous games, and how the side quests are mostly great and actually advance character growth and world building, unlike a lot of them in the first game.

And then also lots of people have had lots to say about their mixed feelings about the story itself and its ending, which some people didn't like for what it didn't answer but which I personally did for the things it did focus on and the general vibes, and then there's been plenty of wild speculation on the implications of Future Redeemed too.

But it wasn't until I finished Future Redeemed and sat on it for a while that I think I figured out what I have to say.

I think what hit me the most about it is the way it expands on the base game and rest of the series, not in the literal narrative way that I've seen most people talking about (although that's definitely fun too) but more in terms of how it made me think about the third game and the series as a whole thematically.

By giving more context and more info about the motivations for the different sides of the conflict (and also introducing another side) it got me thinking about how the entire series can be looked at as how we (or anyone) approach the future, and it doesn't really frame any of the possible ways of doing that as inherently correct and unquestionable.

The central conflicts of each of the games are all about who gets to decide what the future will be and which people and ideas from the past/present should be brought into that future. The settings and situations they find themselves having to make those decisions in are also all the result of previous people's decisions and what was inherited from the past.

Is the future predetermined, or do/should people have free will to make their own choices? Should those choices be individual or collective or by a single central entity? If the outcomes of those decisions turn out to be flawed should they keep pursuing it and stick to the original vision or should it be replaced by something else? If there's been so much pain and suffering and loss in the past, is a future even desirable? Which existing things should be preserved, or should we just start over entirely?

And generally there's more than one answer presented for each of those questions, and often there's even more than one different way of approaching the same answer shown, e.g. you can have no future by preserving the present indefinitely so nothing changes and nothing is lost, or you can just delete fucking everything.

Even answers to those questions that are implicitly endorsed in one game by being associated with the protagonists of its story may turn out later to have more nuance to them. Ok, predestination and fate suck and we should all have free will to make our own choices. But now what if people use that free will to choose things based on fear and anxiety that ultimately restrict other people's free will and choices?

There's no simple answer, no one correct solution, and it takes continued hard work to push the world forward towards a better place. Even when people don't know or even can't know what led the world to the state it's in and all they know is that the way it is is cruel and unfair, they have the ability to come to their own conclusions about the answers of those questions and can work together with like-minded people they find to try to change the world to make it more like what they envision.

And that's real and how things work in reality too. We inherited the world in the state it's in from the people before us, who made their own decisions about those things. Sometimes it was genuinely what they thought would be best for everyone, sometimes it was lashing out because they'd been hurt, sometimes it was someone who didn't care about anyone but themself. But no matter what the reasons, it ultimately is the way it is, and we have to take that and do with it what we will.

Only we, the people who are here right now, can decide what the future will be. Only we can use the power of friendship to kill god. Or heck, you spend half the game in XC3 literally building mutual aid networks. That seems like a pretty reasonable place to start.

[jonkentdeservesbetter]

Spoilers for 3x04. TW: cursing, abuse and trauma discussions, mentions of school shooting, mugging, and physical assault. Also, Sarah’s cheating storyline from S2.

Watched 3x04. The Jon storyline seems to be, once again, disappointing, but I guess - in the most technical sense - it is still early enough to be turned around, and become something worthwhile. And despite never liking Candice with Jon, I actually did not hate her moving in with them. It’s a great improvement to how Lois & Clark treated this kid who clearly needed help - which is what one of their sons was trying to do - so in that way, I really enjoyed this, well, twist.

But the Cortez storyline. No.

Remember last season, when Sarah had her cheating plot and her parents, as well as the writing itself, were giving absolutely horrible advice and perspective on what she’d done? And how the (majority of the) audience was like, “WTF??? Ew???” About it. Highlights of it include Sarah deserving to be the only one angry, her being the ‘alpha’ or whatever-the-fuck of the relationship, Jordan’s identity as being equal to her betrayal, etc., etc., yes?

People were upset because, for whatever reason, even for those who never suffered the betrayal of being cheated on, they knew it was wrong. The same thing is happening here, but because, for whatever reason, the vast majority of people always seem to feel as if child abuse is A-OK 👍 - even if they’d experienced it themselves, although that is explainable; it’s a defense mechanism. The normalization + mental distancing to cope - people aren’t seeing it this time. Missing it.

But that doesn’t change that this is Horrible. There’s a lot of research on abuse, childhood abuse among that, to be found online. There are right and wrong ways to handle abuse, in real life, in fiction, as TV show fans online.

It’s incredibly aggravating to me that it’s so clear what’s wrong with cheating, but with abuse it’s always debates and ‘deserved it!’

I made this blog mainly for Jon, but it is for the show as a whole, and as much as I just really want to focus on Jon rn, I can’t. I am actually, literally trying to focus on what I’m mainly watching this show, this season, for, which is whether Jon will be treated better.

But I can’t because, *humorless laugh* of fucking course, people are ‘debating’ the merits and ‘necessity’ of child abuse, and of fucking course, people are ‘debating’ what ‘counts’ as ‘just discipline’ and abuse. And of fucking course, the ignorant fucks who just, refuse to educate themselves, are drowning the voices of those who actually know shit.

So let me educate you.

PTSD and CPTSD are two different trauma conditions. They have different symptoms, are caused both by trauma, but differently.

PTSD is caused by a one-time traumatic event. It can be triggered repeatedly, but ultimately the traumatic cause was singular.

This includes things like school shootings, being mugged, and being slapped by your trusted parental figure; regardless of why.

Once, but the brain is reshaped forever. No, PTSD doesn’t happen with everyone. Some research suggests that immediate healing after the fact will be able to prevent PTSD. There’s a lot of complications with that, as, speaking from my own understanding, the situation boils to successfully feeling safe.

CPTSD is Complex PTSD. It is caused by repeated traumatic events in a given time period, such as repeated yelling at a child. Both in the case of a one-time assault, and the case of repeated, say, demeaning of a person - of any age - that is called abuse.

Contrary to what some may believe, abuse isn’t always done with conscious and total understanding of what the abuser is doing, even to the abuser. The point is that they’re hurting someone, traumatically. They have an idea, maybe clear and front and center, maybe in the back of their mind that they’re trying to ignore, that what they’re doing is, if not to society, wrong to some degree. And it doesn’t matter if they’re “simply” unable to control their anger and don’t mean to lash out, not if they haven’t removed themselves to be certain they never will again, because that’s a matter of choice, of willing to risk it.

And of course, it certainly does not matter if they simply don’t care what their harm does.

What defines abuse? Trauma. One or more people harms one or more people, usually in some kind of relationship where the victim or victims can’t easily leave, or at all; which, given the way things work in most places in this world, can anyone without riches just, upend their living arrangements and/or toss their job, just like that, and be fine? Be safe?

There’s a saying about a frog and a boiling pot of water. If you’re in a situation that is only ‘mildly’ distressing, you’ll probably just stay, because it’s something you can handle - it’s especially easier if you can convince yourself it was one-time, wasn’t a big deal, doesn’t mean anything…you can handle it.

But it does matter. Especially to the brains that get remade by trauma, which is many.

Basically, it all comes down to safety, and how that connects to the brain and trauma.

Sarah doesn’t ever say she wants to make up with Lana. She doesn’t want to talk to Lana. She doesn’t want to be around Lana. She doesn’t want to be touched by Lana.

She feels unsafe. But not making up, the respect of her own feelings, of her trauma, isn’t offered. And while I don’t believe Kyle was intending, at all, to be emotionally manipulative, he unintentionally guilted her into doing what he and Lana wanted done.

Sarah wanted to be safe. Lana wasn’t safe. Sarah left for shelter. She gets taken back. She gets guilted. She is made to sit and be okay with meeting the one she doesn’t want to see or hear or be near. Stared at until she apologizes, even though she doesn’t want to talk, even though she’s not okay to do any of this with Lana. This is NOT healing. IRL, this would only further compound her trauma, by further compounding her not feeling safe.

I hate this fucking storyline. It’s horrific, if you actually know what you’re looking at.

[ariariari-freehounreal]

If I do make this, for coherency sake I think that the combine should provide housing to citizens (shitty little assigned apartments) and when they take GLaDOS in, after processing her they assign her to live in the same apartment complex as Chell so that’s how they meet.

Also GLaDOS can see with the eyepatch over her optic because the fabric is kinda sheer and also she just has that good robot vision. Though her vision is impaired when she wears it.

I also thought it would be neat if GLaDOS suffers from a bit of brain fog due to being in a smaller body with less processing power, and it really makes her angry because she *knows* she’s smart and can be smarter. Maybe, ironically, she sometimes becomes sensitive about her intelligence being insulted. (Who’s the moron NOW?) Perhaps there can be a heavy scene where Chell and GLaDOS are bickering or there’s some sort of scuffle and Chell implies that GLaDOS isn’t as smart as her or says something about her skills worsening as an insult and GLaDOS gets WAY too mad abt it and they end up talking it out and GLaDOS explains the brain fog.

Also, sadly, I think P-body and Atlas would have to die during the Combines assault, unless they were taken into custody hoping to use them in some way.

If I go with the route of them dying, I want there to be something in there about GLaDOS grieving them almost like her children. Not like full on sobbing why couldn’t it be me grief but like, she’s sad and angry and mad at herself for being unable to do more, though she doesn’t really express it. It’s more hinted at yk?

ALSO I want this to take place during the events of half life 2 or shortly after. I thought it might be neat to have something like GLaDOS doing under the table trading (physical or info) and assistance for the resistance in exchange for certain stuff like parts and general goods (maybe even food for Chell later on?)

Idk if they’d really meet with the half life dudes at any point face to face or if it would just be stated or implied, but if they do I was thinking maybe Kleiner like goes out of his way at some point to have a gift basket delivered to chell because they’re interested in working with her and everyone else is like ARE YOU STUPID why would you do that.

If I go with that idea either way, maybe near the end when they’re on the run they join the resistance or use one of their bases as a hideout in exchange for information

Maybe a spy arc would be cool!

Also, GLaDOS built her android with like super strength but she feigns weakness when it’s necessary to not draw suspicion. But like, obv if some combine bastard is trying to beat her up or something she isn’t gonna let it slide. Operation broken wing ong. (yk, like how birds pretend to be injured to lure predators away from their eggs?)

I think Chell would be not only touch starved badly but also really sensitive about touch and nervous/iffy abt it. She’s probably been through a lot in the city, being beaten by the combine or something

Sorry for the huge paragraph, just writing down ideas here so I don’t forget. Might add more later.

Android!GLaDOS from this dream I had where aperture got overrun and before they destroyed the Mainframe GLaDOS backed herself up into a realistically human android and they thought she was a test subject so they helped her get out.

She wore an eyepatch because she couldn’t really hide her optic or she wouldn’t be able to see

She tells people that her optic is a prosthetic eye she had to get after an accident, but the actual prosthetic is the ‘normal’ eye

Chell had been on the surface for a few years when she ran into GLaDOS while applying for a job in a city [THE WORLD IS OVERRUN BY COMBINE STILL AHHHH] And she got the job and they became friends and had a slow burn and then Chell discovered her real identity and was like. [shocked ASL noises!] but then GLaDOS was like

I’m your only chance at getting out of this place

So they lesbianly teamed up while in their workplace situationship and awkwardly flirted their way to GLaDOS committing violence against a police officer bc the combine discovered she was a robot and they tried to grab Chell bc they were like

This citizen is in danger!

And GLaDOS just pulled out a Glock and shot him and was like that’s MYYY girl and then they started a police chase and then I woke up

Maybe I should make this into a fanfic

[theofficialimaginariumblog]

Nightmare Fuel

Adults actually find this book (and film) scarier than kids do, with the unsettling feeling of the Imaginarium being not quite right giving way to its later transformation in the climax.

That and the theme of children being so easily lured away by strangers through entertainment and tasty food. Does This Remind You of Anything?

The whole concept of the Imaginarium, a vast amusement park that's actually a trap for unsuspecting children!

The jerky way Elmo Eagle moves in the film. Brrr...

And (in both the book and the film) once he writes that message on the glass of his display, everything changes from a light fantasy adventure to a kid’s horror story.

“Don’t eat... Get out!!!”

When the kids discover Gabe’s journal in the film, we flashback to Gabe witnessing his friends being drugged by the candies to the point of forgetting him and their former lives before they are transformed into a miniature carousel as the poor kid can do nothing but watch. Seeing them smiling with Dull Eyes of Unhappiness before they change is pretty unsettling. The Creepy Circus Music doesn't help.

One reviewer worded it perfectly:

“Imagine being a state where you are you at one moment but then you faded to sudden blurred mind and memory, just blankness and mindless bliss. Your memories slipping away and you don’t even remember where you came from. But then you feel a painless yet unpleasant sensation of your body being physically twisted into some inanimate object and your mind just completely woke up to recognize it. Then spending possibly eternity as that attraction, barely able to move but totally unable to speak or cry for help. That’s exactly how those kids must have felt after eating those candies. And what is even worse, is they didn’t even know what led to it until after it happened."

The whole Nothing Is Scarier approach regarding the Central, which we never see.

Some of the inhabitants of Freak’s Town can be grotesque, which probably isn't helped by how well they're animated in the movie.

In the book, the group pass by a sleeping spider the size of a dog in the Haunted Academy. It's mentioned only briefly, is never explained, and they don't dwell on it. In its own eerie way, it's almost scarier than a spider that’s wide awake because of how nonchalantly it gets introduced and dismissed with no indication of where this enormous spider came from.

In the film, said spider is resting on a giant cocoon encasing something. The whole time you're just waiting for something to pop out or wondering what the hell is inside that giant cocoon.

If anything, the music during that scene can certainly scare the crap out of you, especially if you listen to it in the dark.

Bonko’s true form in the film. Whereas in the book he’s a ghostly entity, here, he’s a HUGE armored spider that is also disturbingly fast. Thankfully, it becomes Nightmare Retardant once he reforms.

[lordabovehelpme]

The Many Love Languages of Frank Castle

Word count: 3.2k

A/n: Just some thoughts on how Frank Castle shows his love in all the different ways he can. You can totally tell what my love languages are through this and I am not even sorry for it. hehe. But I hope you all enjoy becuase writing this just made me love him even harder. 

Summary: He’s stoic and dangerous, carefully picking words and actions. To anyone else it would seem he is unable to love, unable to feel anymore, unable to be anything besides a cruel murderer. Yet, every single thing he does shows you the warmth in his heart. 

Warnings: f! reader, language, blood, mentions of gore, guns, nudity, mentions of sexy times

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Words of Affirmation:

He’s a man of few words. But the words that he does say, you know he means completely.

His praise comes randomly throughout the day. When you hand him a cup of coffee he sometimes doesn’t say anything, sometimes he says thank you, but sometimes he says wholeheartedly, “you make the best coffee.”

It causes you to fluster and look away, happy to hear his praise and yet shy from it. He chuckles and presses a kiss to your temple. Then he cheekily adds, “and you're one cute barista.” His smile wide as you nearly melt from his words.

It’s the little names he calls you, “sweetheart” and “baby” flowing from his lips like they were made to be said from him. Like you were made to be called by him. Each holding their own weight and underlying message of affection.

Once you wiggled your way into his circle of trust, he started to come to you all bloodied and half dead. You nearly have a heart attack each time. But it was worse in the beginning.

“How is there so much blood! Can you even bleed from there? Where is it all coming from?”

He tossed his gun on the table, pulling the bullet proof vest from his body with one hand, favoring his left shoulder.

“Slowdown sweetheart. You’ll go gray.”

That causes you to stop your rapid thought process and panicked state.

“I quite like gray hair, thank you very much. I think I’m going to be one of those old ladies who doesn’t look old and rocks gray hair.”

That's when you realized he knew you. Because through the bruises and blood, his eyes were full of humor and mirth. Just as he had said, you slowed down.

“You think you can help me now?”

He walked you through it all, the only sign of his discomfort being the slight twitch to his nose or low curse under his breath. He talked you through pulling out glass from his skin, through stitching large gaping wounds shut, through applying the right amount of gauze.

“There you go, that’s it.”

“Attagirl.”

“Good job.”

“Just like that.”

Each phrase causes butterflies to start their flight in your stomach, causing heat to rise up your chest and neck, and causing you to fall for him even harder.

But he didn’t talk you through your routine of lightly pressing your lips to his bandage covered skin.

“Whatcha doing there?”

You smile, heart breaking that he has to go through what he does, as you rest your head against his warm skin.

“Kissing it better.”

“Jesus christ.” He utters quietly, and yet that's when he knew you were here to stay.

He’s afraid to say it, scared to admit it. Because admitting it, although he feels it, means he’s truly let you in. That you’ve mended the holes in his heart and found a home in the open vacancies. Admitting he loves you means he’s admitting you can hurt him. That if something were to happen to you, he’s not sure he would be able to cling onto the last few strands of sanity he has. Losing you would break him to a point of no recovery and it terrifies him.

You are the one who has become what he lives for. You are the reason he starts to think more, to make sure to be more careful and come home to you. You own his heart.

Physical Touch:

Pigs would fly before anyone would describe Frank as “touchy.” And yet, somehow he's always touching you.

When you’re patching him up, there is always a large calloused hand on your hip, a strong sturdy thumb drawing circles into your skin. And when you turn around to grab more gauze, that hand will find its way to your ass and knead the pliant flesh. But his favorite is when you’re close enough he can tuck his head into your stomach and wrap his arms behind your back, pulling you impossibly close. He loves the little gasp you let out each time and how your hands find his shoulders for stability. But he loves even more how when he lifts your shirt and presses kisses to the soft skin of your stomach a small smile will work onto your face.

It’s when he walks through the doors, how he always searches for you in your apartment, focused on the mission of putting his lips to your cheek and enveloping you completely in his arms. He’ll poke his head through the doorways and when his eyes settle onto your form, you can see the relief and adoration glowing within them.

Or when you’re laying on the couch with your phone in your hands, scrolling through the various media the day offers. Whenever he spots you there, he gets almost giddy like a teenager with the thought of what he's about to do. He’ll take off his jacket and vest, lightly pat your legs so you know to spread them enough to make room, and he’ll slot himself right in between them. His large head will crash onto your chest and his arms will slide to wrap around your waist underneath you and hold you close.

And when you let one hand drift down to start playing with the short curls atop his head he’ll close his eyes and melt into your touch. Then as you run your nails from the base of his neck, where the hair is barely grown, up to the longer ones at the top of his head, he’ll groan and sigh and eat up every second. And each time you stop even slightly, he has to bite back a whine to save the last bits of ego and pride he has left.

His love for physical touch also makes itself known at night, when he slides into the other side of the bed, freshly showered and smelling of soap and shaving cream, the slight spice to his deodorant, and the gunpowder that clings to him no matter how much he cleans. He slots himself right beside you, large dangerous hands suddenly gentle and featherlight as they rub over your skin.

He’s a wall of warmth and you snuggle right in, a strong chest for you to rest your head against, large arms to wrap around your form and keep you safe and protected from the outside world, and the steady beat of his heart as it pumps life and love through his veins.

These are the moments when you compare him to a large cat. Marching to his own drum, never following anyones rules with claws out and teeth bared, and yet so loving with his people. That’s exactly what you are… his person.

And by being that, you get to love him.

He allows you to run your fingers along his skin, tracing the lines of his ears. He knows you love them, and he thinks you’re a little crazy for it. 

He lets you press kisses to the scars along his body. The older white ones and the fresher pink ones where the skin is still puckered and angry.

Sometimes he’ll attach a story to them if you ask. Other times he just shakes his head and clouds form over those deep eyes. It breaks your heart, but you understand. 

Quality Time:

It’s quiet between the two of you, different books holding one another's attention. But he loves these little moments. Where you rest your legs on his lap, spread out on the couch, and his hand slowly running up and down your shin. Neither of you say anything, but he couldn't care less.

It’s rather the time he spends with you… the time he spends around you.

He’ll stand in the doorframe, watching with a loving gaze as you apply mascara in the bathroom mirror, your mouth opened as you try and focus on painting your lashes. He loves when you stand before the closet mirror and hold different articles of clothing up to your body, trying to decide on what to wear. He pretends to read, but he knows you notice how the pages don’t turn and the book rests low on his lap. His cover is blown when he catches your gaze in the mirror, caught red handed in the act of his eyes running over the soft flesh of your ass.

Though his favorite times are when you beg him to take a bath with you. He pretends to put up a fight, but as you pull at his large frame he easily lets you lead him. He sits on the toilet cover as you turn the water on, pouring dollops of lavender smelling gel into the water, making bubbles start to form atop the surface.

Then as you undress, he can’t help but reach out and run his calloused fingertips against the soft skin of your body. He smiles while you, naked as the day you were born, pull at his shirt and urge him to get into the same state.

You let him sink into the water first, watching with a small grin and your bottom lip pulled between your teeth. Cute, he thinks.

Once he settles with his back against the wall, he lifts a hand from the water and beckons you to join him. You eagerly take his hand and balance yourself as you slide in between his strong legs.

His heart grows as you press your back to his chest, your head leaning back and resting on his shoulder, your eyes closing, and a soft content sigh leaving your lips.

The world seems to stand still, heat soaking into his skin from the warm water, and the soft scent of lavender making him relax. But you are the one who pulls him away from the dark thoughts plaguing him.

If he could bottle the feeling you arise in him and sell it, he would be the richest man in the world… and yet there's a selfish part of him that wants to keep you away from the cruelty of the world. To keep you safe in his arms and never let you go. To fiercely protect you and never let anyone bring you harm.

You bring out the best and the worst in him.

He never knew he could enjoy time with someone as much as he enjoys it with you.

Car rides were something he once hated, but now he loves them. You sit in the passenger seat eyes wide as you take in the world around you. He loves the long ones where you pass forests and farmlands. He loves how you eagerly point out each animal you see.

“Awww a baby horse, how cute!” “Oh my goodness, sheep!” “Frank! Look at all the cows!”

“Yeah, it smells like cows.”

“Don’t be mean, they can’t help it.”

He loves when you turn the radio up, laughing and smiling as you dance to the best of your ability in the passenger seat, when it really just looks like some intense wiggling. Or when your favorite song comes on and you can’t help but to loudly sing along.

But he also loves the late car rides, the ones where your eyes can barely stay open. Stubborn and refusing even when he says you are welcome to fall asleep. “If you have to stay awake, I can stay awake.”

Within ten minutes you’re out like a light. Your breathing comes out soft and his love for you just grows.

He reaches to the volume dial and turns it down to where it can barely be heard, he makes a mental note to avoid sharp turns or any harsh braking. He keeps one hand on the wheel and the other on your thigh, heart nearly bursting with the overwhelming feeling to take care of you.

These are the moments where he reflects on how lucky he is to have you in his life, to have a second chance at love.

Nights where you’re up late, computer screen casting bright light across your scowling face. Your fingers move over the keys and yet it seems like nothing is being written. But what keeps you going is the large man sitting beside you.

He’s cleaning his guns, an old rag being swiped across the barrel and trigger. Just the presence of him being so close eases your frustrations and tears. When you close your eyes and sigh, his eyes flicker to your form. You look at him, bottom lip pushing out in a pout.

You collapse into his arms and let his strong hands dig into the protesting muscles of your shoulders. Neither of you say anything, but he just holds you steady as your overworked brain tries to heal.

After a few minutes you pull back with a new look of determination and get right back to your work. The corners of his lips tug upwards as his hug seems to have energized you. This becomes something you do every twenty minutes or so, a new routine for the two of you.

And sometimes you demand a kiss from him.

“I need more than a hug.”

And sometimes you need even more than a kiss.

He’s more than happy to oblige.

Gift Giving:

His heart swells when he sees you smile, and he makes a vow to make you smile as much as he can.

It’s subconscious, he doesn’t fully realize he does it. Tearing off pieces of his food to offer to you, lifting spoonfuls of soup or dessert to your mouth, holding out his coffee mug to you in the morning so you can take a sip before you pour your own cup, big smile plastered proudly on your features.

When you go to the little diners to get burgers and shakes, he lets you steal as many fries as you want from his plate. He intentionally starts ordering the larger size because he loves to know you’re eating and he loves giving you all that you want.

He always brings you flowers. Beautiful and simple bouquets. Ones that he says reminded him of you. But he loves how you always gasp when he greets you, then that smile working onto your features as you nearly melt before him. You call him a gentleman and bat your eyelashes as you repay him with a kiss to the cheek. It makes his chest squeeze and that giddy feeling bubble up.

He remembers your favorite type of drink, favorite snack, favorite food and makes sure to buy extra when he’s at the store. Or when he’s out he’ll bring home your favorite latte to go with the flowers.

Spoiling you comes like second nature to him. Even as you complain and tell him he doesn’t need to buy you anything, he still does. The owner of your favorite small jewelry business knows him by name now.

When he takes you on the small dates you can sometimes fit in, it’s hard with your busy schedule and him being the punisher and all, he always pays. You’ve tried everything, trying to hand your card to the poor waitress first, begging him to let you pay this time, even placing his wallet away in your dresser in an attempt to hide it from him. And yet he always finds a way. It’s infuriating and yet it makes you love him even more.

He says the same thing every time. “Just let me treat my girl.”

Though you almost had him when you stuffed his wallet down your bra.

One time you mentioned wanting to visit Cuba, to see the sandy beaches and visit the warm sun. When you came home the next day a bag of cuban coffee and a chocolate bar rested on the counter.  

You caught sight of him in the doorway, hand scratching at the base of his neck. He was nervous.

“It’s not Cuba, but it’s something.”

He watched as you rushed over and grabbed his bruised jaw with both your hands, standing on your tiptoes and pressing your lips to his own chapped and busted ones.

“It’s perfect, thank you.”

There’s that smile he loves.

Acts of Service:

You tease him for it. Gushing about how you have him wrapped around your finger. He just shakes his head, but the upturn to the corner of his lips tells you that you’re right.

It’s when you come to him with sealed jars, presenting them with a look of defeat in your eyes. You don’t even have to ask anymore, he just grabs them and opens them with a pop!

“I loosened it for you.” You comment as you walk away. It always brings a smile to his face as he shakes his head.

After meals he grabs your dishes as well as his own and starts to clean them at the sink.

“You don’t have to do that, we have a dishwasher for a reason.”

He just hums and continues his little mission.

“You made it, I can clean. Think of it as a thank you.”

It’s a little funny to see. This big tall man, with a wide back and strong legs, bending over your small sink to rub sudsy water along plates. It’s something you would have thought to be out of place for him, and yet the domesticity of it fits him perfectly.

“Well, thank you kind sir.” You hand him a few more cups you gathered from the counter.

“You’re losing my thanks.” It sounds harsh, but you can hear the humor behind it.

You squeak and rush away. “I will be in the living room if you need me.”

It’s when he sees you shiver out of the corner of his eyes, how he stops everything to shake his jacket off and wrap it around your shoulders.

You look up at him through your lashes, confusion knitting your eyebrows together. “What are you doing?”

He just shrugs and zips the large sweatshirt up around you. “Warming you.” Then he takes your smaller hand in his, encompassing it completely, and continues down the street to wherever the two of you are headed.

You can get him to do anything. He will move mountains if you simply mention it.

“Hmmm, you know I think I broke my fridge. It doesn’t make ice anymore.” You had tapped the appliance in passing, thinking aloud as you walked by.

He never says anything about it. But the next time you instinctively press the ice button- ice comes out!

That’s how he is. Never the type to draw any attention to himself, humble to the bone. But you make sure to thank him and love him despite it.

Your own little acts of service coming from the warm meals you cook him, the various baked goods flowing from your oven, the smile you always grant him.

He gets lost in making you happy. Addicted to bringing a smile to your face.

Man, he thinks, I really am a goner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you all liked it! I’m thinking of doing this with some other characters I write for, so if you liked it or want to see it again- just let me know! I am almost done with finals and then I am on winter break so I can start writing more again. 

Please consider reblogging or leaving a comment. I love hearing what you all have to say and what you thought about this! 

I’m really just on the serch for people to yearn over Frank Castle and Jon Bernthal with me. 

Love, Lordy :) 

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[traumasurvivors]

I have some asks in my ask box about being ready for sex after trauma. And I did write a longer blog post about that. It's here if you want to read it!

But for those that aren't up to reading my article on it, here are some summarized points from it. (It was hard to choose from the article, and a lot of info I think is still good has been left out, so if the stuff below is helpful, please consider checking the full article.)

Questions to ask yourself to help determine whether you’re ready

Everyone is different and there is no sure way to know whether you are ready or not, but here are some questions that might help you sit down with yourself to explore this.

Do you feel safe with the person you are considering having sex with?

When you think about having sex, how do you feel? If the answer is panicked, uncomfortable, scared or any other negative emotion, it might be best to come back to this at a later time.

Why do you want to have sex? If it’s due to pressures from someone else, or even societal expectations, it’s best to stop and be sure that it’s because it’s what you want.

Communication

It is a good idea to talk about your boundaries and any issues that may arise. It is probably a good idea to at least talk about some of the ways your trauma might affect what happens (even if you don't want to talk about the trauma itself - which is totally okay), such as if you might freeze up or have trouble speaking or worry about being triggered in some way.

It's a good idea to come up with a non verbal signal for “stop” in cases where someone is concerned that they may become stressed, panicked or otherwise unable to verbally say “stop.”

It’s also a good idea to plan for multiple check-ins during your activity, as this helps with potential situations where a person may freeze entirely and be unable to use even non-verbal signals to communicate. There can be a way to do this in a “sexy” and fun way that doesn’t break the mood. (I have some examples on the article).

It’s important that your partner understands that not getting a signal, verbal or otherwise, may indicate that you are experiencing a “freeze” response and that it’s better safe than sorry for them to stop all activity immediately. If possible, having a plan for “freeze” responses is ideal. These plans may include grounding techniques or ways for your partner to help calm and ground you.

Before sexual activity

Another extremely important thing to do is to make sure you feel safe with the person, especially if you have had sexual trauma. Feeling emotionally safe is important. While this is something that seems to be more likely within a relationship, it is definitely possible with casual encounters and one-night stands. A lot of times, feeling heard and respected can go a long way. Having a level of physical comfort with the person you are planning sex with could also be very helpful. If you are in a relationship with them, you may want to spend time beforehand with each other’s bodies in non-sexual ways like dancing or cuddling.

After sexual activity

There may be unexpected responses to the ending of sexual activity. Even if the activity was good and fun, some people may experience a mood drop. This may have nothing to do with your actual mood and everything to do with the chemistry involved in intense activities like sex. It does not mean that the experience was bad. During these activities, chemicals may all be mixing together in the brain to make you feel extremely good. After sex, levels of these chemicals in the brain can drop, sometimes very quickly. This is what causes a mood drop.

In trauma survivors, there may also be a feeling that they are somehow “dirty” or “wrong” for what they just did. It may be important to plan for time afterwards. Some people find cuddling with their partner can help with the emotions, whereas some people prefer to practice their own self-care and self soothe instead. Some people even have a “self care” box for after that includes a variety of things that may be helpful. If there are things that your partner can say or do to help, make sure to communicate that with them.

At the end of the day, remember that it’s okay to enjoy sex. But it’s also okay if you don’t enjoy sex. You should never feel pressured in any way to participate in sexual situations and it’s really valid if you aren’t ready - or if you are never ready.

[maoam]

WHY HINATA IS NOT A GOOD CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

I wanted to take a deeper look at Hinata’s character, considering there are a lot of claims about her out there, that she’s strong, that she’s kind, that she’s complex and relatable, that she’s the perfect woman and that she’s at least better than Sakura. I don’t really think so, and I’ll explain why. I’ll be focusing on canon, so no fillers or novels will be included in this post. I’ll say this as a warning, if you’re a fan of her character this probably won’t be something you’ll like. This will be tagged with the anti tags and put under read more so please do not complain if tumblr somehow puts this in the normal tags, it is not intentional. Also Sakura stans please don’t write lengthy comments about Sakura under this, I’m not a fan of her either and I’ll write about her later. Make your own post instead.

”HINATA IS STRONG AND THE BEST KUNOICHI”

Hinata is generally really bad as a shinobi and I’m not sure where the claims that she is strong come from. Hinata's entire character revolves around her being weak. This could have been fine if she actually developed, or if she found some other area for herself, yet she's mediocre at best and a waste of panels at worst, because she never becomes good or strong at anything. She’s not only physically weak from start to finish, but she’s also the equivalent of a damsel in distress. Everytime Hinata attempts to do something, she ends up failing, getting beaten up and having to be saved. She lost to her sister who is five years younger than her, which is what marked her as a failure in her clan. She tried to fight Neji in the chunin exams and ended up coughing up blood and losing her consciousness, and Naruto had to beat Neji for her. After Kabuto heals her fully, she spends the rest of part 1 either sleeping or missing in action. Very underwhelming.

If this had been only the beginning, it would have maybe been fine, but it’s a reoccuring pattern with her character. She throws herself in front of Pain, managing to do nothing but get one-paneled and almost killed. Even at the start of the war she had to be saved by Naruto. She tried to run to Naruto and tripped over a rock. Actually, she’s so weak she got Neji killed, when he had to jump in front of her so she wouldn’t get impaled. Why is she even in the front lines when she can’t fight? Even in Naruto the Last movie she had to be saved multiple times. In Boruto the movie she is still useless and reckless, leaving her daughter’s side to help Naruto, ending up defeated and having to be healed by Sakura once again.

I can’t say she’s mentally strong either. She has the personality of someone who hates conflict and tries to avoid it as best as they can, to the point of agreeing with others on everything, as Neji pointed out. Even without him saying it out loud, most of Hinata’s moments that aren’t her thinking about Naruto are her doing exactly this. This is not the personality of someone who is strong mentally. It’s the personality of someone who is too weak to have their own mind, someone who will go with the flow and is easily led and convinced. It can be dangerous the more you think about it. Hinata is also the bystander who never stands up for Naruto despite liking and admiring him. If she’s a compassionate girl, why isn’t she showing this by reaching out to Naruto and befriending him? Why doesn’t she show he’s not alone? Why is she only drawing inspiration from him? I don’t normally watch fillers, but there was one filler scene unrelated to Hinata where this girl says if you only look at the loser and do nothing, you aren’t much better than the oppressors, which probably wasn’t meant to be a call out for Hinata, but ended up being so anyway. Another thing that’s annoying is how she is berating herself often, yet doing nothing, it comes off as self-pity. Even in the Last movie, she is talking about how she must be a bad sister for knitting a scarf when her sister is in danger. Then why are you doing it and not stopping? Of course everytime this happens Naruto must cheer her up because she just can’t stop moping around and doing something herself.

Aside from all this, from the very beginning Hinata’s honor needed to be defended by Naruto because she couldn’t stand up for herself. Of course, after Naruto’s words she did stood up for a moment, and that was good, but it should have been a wake up call which altered her course. Instead, she kept doing the same she always did. If we take the Last movie into consideration, she’s still not strong enough to do anything even about her crush on Naruto. She needs genjutsu and Sakura to do the work for her. So even when it comes to the only thing she cares about 90 % of the time, which is Naruto-kun, she can’t do anything about it. That’s really sad.

”HINATA IS KIND AND SELFLESS”

There’s one mistake I see people make often, and that’s assuming characters that are quiet and shy are automatically kind. I wouldn’t say Hinata is as kind as the fandom makes her out to be. She simply comes off that way because you don’t really see her have her own opinions or disagree with the other characters. Hinata’s shyness on the other hand is most of the time a fetishized quirk to appeal to certain subset of fans. Her shyness doesn’t stop her from taking exams or hanging around Shino and Kiba, or talking to characters other than Naruto. She also has enough attitude to rub Neji’s status as a house slave in his face during their match, but because she stutters Naruto-kun every five minutes she’s supposedly kind. Kindness is shown through actions, not through standing around and stuttering. For comparison, we see Ino befriend an unpopular kid like Sakura, and give her confidence. That’s an act of kindness. Did Hinata ever cared about helping the branch members in any way? No.

She's supposedly "kind" but like I mentioned before she never shows this kindness by standing up for Naruto, or reaching out to him. She simply stares at him behind a tree and draws inspiration from his suffering. The only time she can actually stand up is to selfishly confess her love and die. She even said she felt like being selfish, and like I said she knew there was nothing she could do, she was told she’d only be in the way. She came there only to confess and commit suicide. This actually reminds me of another anime where this female character, after being unable to receive a male character’s love killed herself in front of him and said ”now you’ll never forget me”.

In the end, she cares about nothing but her own hormonal urges. Hinata tried to help Naruto cheat to pass an exam at the risk of disqualifying her whole team. This is the first individual action we see her character take. Did she consider Shino and Kiba during that moment? No, she didn’t even have an inner conflict on whether she should do this, whether it’s right towards her teammates. Even Naruto considers he might get Hinata, Sasuke and Sakura all in trouble if he accepts Hinata’s offer, which is why he doesn’t do it. Then when Hinata wonders if she can cheer for Naruto during his and Kiba’s match, she thinks Kiba might get mad. It’s more about how Kiba views her rather than whether she should cheer for Kiba because they are in the same team and should support each other. During the Pain attack, she left an injured shinobi, who couldn’t move, to go to Naruto, even when said shinobi told her she would only be in Naruto’s way. She didn’t try to save people, she simply wanted to confess and act in front of Naruto. This is about a threat to the entire village, which includes her comrades and her sister and she’s thinking only about her romantic feelings towards a guy she had maybe two conversations with and who barely remembers she exists. How is she better than Sakura? War arc really was the icing on the cake that Hinata’s character is only about Naruto. We should not forget the infamous ”Naruto-kun’s hand is so big… so manly...” is that really the right time to be thirsty? When Neji just died? Shikamaru mentions that he could help out Naruto as a right-hand man and then Hinata thinks “I-I want to be by Naruto-kun’s side too.” Then there’s of course the scene where she starts running to Naruto, leaving her post and teammates, even when Naruto is a mile away and already in the hands of medical ninjas, and even that ends up her pathetically tripping over a rock. Kiba has to remind her to use her byakugan because she is too busy gushing about Naruto. Eventually her only last line is “Naruto-kun”, when everyone is put into IT. It’s like a parody by this point. She doesn’t have any concern for her sister, her father, her teammates, Kurenai or her baby. It’s just “Naruto-kun” like it always is. Even in the Last movie, she is knitting a scarf for Naruto during the mission where they’re supposed to save her sister. Who brings a scarf on a mission? Why is she thinking about her romantic gift to Naruto so much she has to take it with her on a mission which focus is saving her sister? She even looks more devastated when Toneri tores the scarf apart than she ever does for Hanabi’s sake. It’s just silly and selfish.

”HINATA IS A COMPLEX CHARACTER”

Is she complex though? Her development goes from standing behind a tree looking at her crush she never talks to, to committing suicide for feelings that could never be reciprocated, to… waiting that a genjutsu and Sakura guilt trip Naruto enough for him to be with her? Like I already mentioned her character revolves entirely around Naruto, she has no hobbies or interests we know of aside from him. She has no motivations aside from being by Naruto’s side. She once had an interesting goal and backstory, but that was never fully explored, and it turned into her wanting Naruto’s attention and thinking about him. Her clan plot was irrelevant, she showed no interest in wanting to be a leader or even wanting to make things better for the branch members. It’s funny because immediately after the ending, no one cared about the Hyuuga branch and how the storyline was dropped and had no resolution. It was only when Hinata was being attacked for not showing to care did her fans start to over-analyze all the panels looking for the tiniest little clue that might hint at some changes.

It’s possible to be both shy, anxious and quiet and also to be strong, motivated and have interests and dreams. Hinata is never strong for herself, she’s only strong to be with Naruto, to die for Naruto, to motivate Naruto, to have Naruto look at her even for a moment. All the while Naruto doesn’t pay much attention to her unless she’s literally dying in front of him or she slapped him. Even when a big climax is happening, what’s on her mind is always her romantic feelings and her crush. I saw someone say if she were a male character, and she pulled this pointless sacrifice and theatrical confession in the final fight of an arc, she would’ve been universally mocked. Actually, I think even if it was Sakura who did this instead of Hinata the former would have been mocked, because their stans are unable to see the same flaws in their own fave as they see in the other girl. Naruto is a battle manga, characters are supposed to contribute to the defeat of the villain in some material way. The only reason people praise Hinata for what she did in the Pain arc is because they either pity her or because they’re men who think women killing themselves for a man is great because it boosts their ego.

I also notice many Hinata fans don’t notice the vanity in their own fandom. They call Hinata “princess”, ”heiress”, ”Konoha’s first lady” and draw fanart glorifying these concepts and how it makes Hinata good, because they like the superficial status, what they don’t care is the titles are unearned. I thought Hinata’s appeal was that she’s the underdog and a loser? Or maybe her real appeal is the idea of getting everything you want without doing much in order to get it?  Another claim is that Hinata is the perfect woman, which you might see from men. This is what I might dislike the most. Men judge Hinata’s worth and whether she’s a good character based on what kind of woman they want and think is the right kind of woman. Hinata has big breasts, she’s submissive, she has no other interests than the man she likes, and she’s the only girl in her class who didn’t go for the popular guy. Many men hate Sakura, Ino and Karin for being fangirls but praise Hinata for being a fangirl. Basically to them if a character is a fangirl of the wrong guy, she’s a stupid slut. If she fangirls their self insert, she’s wife material and the ideal woman. If Sakura has to be saved, she’s useless. If Hinata tries to kill herself for Naruto, she’s ”so kind”. Rin is a one-dimensional character, but Hinata saying Naruto-kun for the 50th time is depth. Hinata is also claimed to be better than the other girls because she had more kids and thus is more ”fertile”. It’s like feminism never happened and we are back to the 16th century. Why are we judging women’s worth on how many kids they have and how much they can please a man?

I could also talk about how Studio Pierrot turned Hinata into a hentai bait for otakus, which also plays a part in her popularity, but I don’t think it’s necessary, so I will just offer this picture which speaks for itself.

END NOTE

Hinata is simply just a sexist stereotype, a shadow of a real woman, with not much depth, and who is certainly not better than Sakura either. Both of them are fangirls whose characters revolve around men. It’s wild to me how there are women who genuinely act like one must be a misogynist if they reject Hinata’s superficial, one-dimensional and boy crazy character. Her character itself is misogynist for crying out loud. And honestly, what does it say when even the creator himself assumes that Hinata is someone’s favorite character because he must like big boobs?

[4dtk]

jaehyun as a bf

anon: “your writing brings me butterflies i love it you are so underrated!!!!! would love to request a jaehyun bf headcanons (like the one you did of mark <3)” thank you for the kind words anon <333 hope you enjoy this one!

(a bit of a plug lol but check out NCT 127's ideal r/s headcanons in this post!! i appreciate you checking it out! <3)

brief mentions of sex, but nothing explicitly nsfw!

likes to talk about music with you

especially jazz. there’s a plethora of songs out there with different renditions and sometimes he likes to ramble about who’s rendition he likes best

would play the piano for you if you asked, just maybe not after schedules or something. but usually when you’re free or alone together in the room, he likes you to sit beside him to listen to him play

you guys like to play a little game where he’ll play the chords and you play like a random note to create blobs of music

even if you don’t know how, the way the session always dissolves into giggles is his favourite thing in the world

if you know how to play the piano that’s great too!! jaehyun just likes the unexpected notes that come out since there’s no set melody in his mind

jaehyun needs to have some part of his body on yours at all times. like he has to hold your hand all the time, or a finger hooked around your backpack, or an arm around your waist.

at least when you’re together he does it very often and he’s just. obsessed with you lmfao

it’s also the reason he buys a promise ring when he’s sure of you as a significant other so you always have a part of him with you (his love)

would buy you those lockets for you to put pictures inside. he doesn’t care where you wear it though, around your neck, wrist, ankle, as long as the locket is on your person

he clings onto you like crazy in the mornings. jaehyun’s a heavy sleeper and likes to hug you on his side, so you’re always having trouble trying to pry him off of you in the morning

a bit nsfw: he likes morning lazy sex lol, ngl. jaehyun adores the rawness of your relationship in the morning and the sleepiness in your eyes when you’re gently pushing him away. he knows you don’t mean it but he makes sure you really want it first

loves the sunlight kissing your skin and the slow, gentle movements

so so intimate, he prefers it to the rougher forms of sex, but sometimes he doesn’t have that luxury since they leave for schedules quite often in the wee hours of dawn

for cuddling sense, jaehyun likes it when you’re under his arm and cuddled into his side. classic position but he dies every time inside when you look up at him and there’s this clueless look you have. has the biggest smile on his face after and you have to repeat the stuff you said bc he’s too distracted by how your eyes shine

second hot favourite (more of when you’re making out) is when you’re straddling him. nothing sexual, just like you on top of him when you’re kissing and stuff. he digs it when you’re pulling away for oxygen and he has to lift his body to reach for your lips again

gets flustered from kissing, but doesn’t show it. if he’s found a way to suppress the crazy crimson on his ears (which i doubt) then he will but his words will always contradict his expression

jaehyun can say “are you nervous, y/n?” with a smirk but his ears keep giving him away!!!!

mfer’s hands are shaking too when he trails it over your body. in disbelief you’re his.

sometimes shamelessly moans into the kiss LOL, not too loud but he whines when you pull away, and has to kiss you breathless again

when you kiss him, expect like a long-lasting kiss. doesn’t mind small pecks and stuff but he’ll want to savour your lips a little longer than a mere peck

jaehyun likes your neck too. when you’re hugging his face is always in your neck, placing small little butterfly kisses

you need to look out for him, always. mans always tripping over something at some point. it’s become more frequent now that he has you and my god he’s so unable to keep his eyes off of you that he trips over simple things. he once tripped over nothing

on the daily when he’s not tripping over you, he’s clumsy in a sense where he drops food on the table. he once struggled to tie up his growing hair into a mini ponytail bc it was just too little hair. the hair tie slipped from his fingers and shot itself into your face - those kinds of small small mishaps

it’s endearing but sometimes you can’t help but laugh at him

likes to take you out on impromptu dates. dates that are close by and easy to plan (?) i guess.

not saying jaehyun is a lazy boyfriend but he likes the more candid dates where you decide what to do as you go along. of course if it’s a big day like your anniversary or birthdays then he’d want to plan something out.

other than that, he just either lets you choose the places to go there or you two decide along the way. he doesn’t want to impose options for you and pressure you. if he’s being honest, he wouldn’t know where to go either lol so he just follows wherever you bring him

laughs so much when he’s with you. giggles, deep laugh, whatever you name it. your relationship is very light-hearted and he finds that he’s the one laughing more when you deliver jokes even tho he wants to make you laugh too

i can’t lie… his jokes can be dry sometimes i’m sorry jaehyun 😭 so he backs it up with laughter and has to catch his breath sometimes bc he finds it really funny

you’re not laughing at the joke, rather at his laugh so you might have to tell him that some way or another bc he’ll just keep making bad jokes i’m sorry y’all

he can’t handle the suuuuuper cheesy physically affectionate films or series (with shitty plot) but i feel like if the story’s interesting enough he’ll pay attention. likes bittersweet films too, i feel, gets him thinking

doesn’t mind cliched plots (fake dating / idealist girl meets realist boy / idk any others lol) but would propose something at the end that he thinks will make the movie/series more interesting

jaehyun likes to share his theories with you

unironically wants to learn the la la land tap dance scene with you. he ALWAYS hums city of stars too, no matter what. idk why but it sticks to him, in bed, in breakfast, when he’s doing something random

he did it once on the radio and he received a text from you in break that told him he was humming along to the song

with that said, jaehyun wants to try out the stuff in the rain quite a bit. making out, dancing, lying down, running, he likes that fascination that society has with doing things in the rain

doesn’t like it too much that he’ll get soaked, but as long as you’re with him and willing to do it, he’s all for it

jaehyun would def want kids in the future. wants to dote on them and buy them stuff and whatnot. wants to see them running around the house with laughter while you both struggle to contain the bursts of excitement they have

doesn’t care for the dynamic much. if he’s the one to stay at home to take care of them while you work, he can work with it. if it’s the other way round, he’s okay too

he just worries that if he’s still involved with the entertainment industry, you might have to take a back seat since he’ll be the one earning the money, and he doesn’t want babysitters either.

heart is so so full when he comes back home and you’re just playing with the kids, or singing them to sleep. any sight of you with him is enough to make him melt into a puddle

HAS to hold them even if they’re asleep. wants to always have them close to him while he nudges you to shower or get the food ready.

like jaehyun, he would wanna meet someone in a vinyl shop or bookstore. he knows it’s cliched but the thought of meeting someone when you’re buying something is exciting. anything unexpected for him, he welcomes it

the next few are just random, miscellaneous headcanons: he likes to see you in his clothes, preferably with nothing underneath. just his shirt lol. cheeky man

jaehyun likes it when you shower together (again, nothing sexual, just likes the domesticity)

likes it when you fall asleep on him

will never stop gushing about you to his parents, first time you met them they’re like “he’s told us so much about you!” and he really did

feels comfortable in your presence, no makeup, messy hair, no need for a perfect bod. he’s just jaehyun. jung yuno if you will

adores it when you call him “lover” i mean boyfriend is good, significant other is good, but lover is just chef’s kiss

it is a bit cheesy if you think about it, so it’s not often that you say it. when you do say it in songs when you’re singing it to him, he can’t stop smiling

plays lover, you should’ve come over when he’s on tour bc it’s the closest thing he can get to a replica of how he feels for you

and when jaehyun falls asleep to the song, all he can remember is your honey voice singing it to him. he’ll just have to hold onto it before he can see you again

<3

[hanazuma-inactive]

Hi, I love your writings ❤. I really enjoy reading them.

Um, can I request Oikawa Tooru with virgin!reader who is (sub, bottom); (praise kink, but doesn't know he has and kinda shy when he knows it); (has shy, soft, and really submissive personality) (3rd year student) ? Reader with Oikawa is a couple of lover, and a roommate. They usually do some cuddles in their bedroom that always started with Oikawa teasing the reader. One day, when cuddling, Oikawa asked reader if he wants to do something more intimate than cuddling and really feels good.

Sorry if that is too much. Thank you

king and his prince, (nsfw) oikawa x bottom!reader

pronouns: he/him (FEMALE ORIENTED DNI!!)

warnings: creampie, praise kink! flirty oikawa

a/n: oikawa is probs my least favorite character in haikyuu, im pretty sure i hated him at one point cuz of his personality. i later found out from many website i am unfortunately a oikawa kinnie (even tho i dont really think so but idk) explains all the self hatred lmao, again for the anon that requested it im sorry for the bad quality cuz i stayed up to write this at 6 am so undoubtedly there will be some mistakes

:(

_____

"y/n, my dear prince~ doesn't it feel good like this?"

"t-tooru…it feels good, i-it really does!" you said, messy hair and looking directly at your boyfriend.

"you look so beautiful when you enjoy it, keep up that pretty face won't you?"

oikawa tooru was too popular for your comfort at school. everyone liked him and they all had a good reason to, and that doesn't make you any different. you were shy and didn't catch a lot of attention so you were incredibly surprised that someone as popular as oikawa even wanted to talk to you.

you were smart and in fact smart enough to compete with oikawa. in fact the first time you caught his attention was when you corrected an answer, making him embarrassed in front of the class. he wanted to "settle this" only to find you harmless. later on he talked to you more and more. the contrast of personality of you two complimented each other pretty well. a cocky bastard who doesn't know how to shut up and a shy boy who likes to listen. inevitably the two of you grew closer as friends, so much to a point where you moved into the same apartment unit.

you didn't mind getting closer to oikawa, emotionally or physically with him being your crush and all so this was pretty much what you wanted, you just didn't think he would be the one to offer instead. being enclosed in a space together made oikawa get a lot more comfortable with you. random hugs here and there, maybe a little head pat, and sometimes leaning on each other's shoulders. it was practically a dream come true and you didn't think this could possibly get better until the man pulled something else out his sleeves.

one day you fell asleep watching the tv in the living room. the weather was a little chilly so falling asleep without a blanket near you wasn't the best idea. oikawa came home to find you shivering in your sleep so of course like the genius he is, he didn't decide to throw a blanket or carry you back into your bedroom and instead cuddled with you on the couch, leaving you wrapped around his arms basically unable to move when you woke up.

both of you would be lying if you said you didn't enjoy it. therefore, this whole cuddling session became a regular thing between you two. oikawa being the big spoon and you being the small one. it went on for a while until both of you realized this might not have been the most normal thing that "friends" did. at this point you're pretty sure oikawa had feelings for you, or else he wouldn't have done a lot of the things he has. after a lot of urging from his friends, he finally decided to confess to you. despite him being the playboy he is, he was quite nervous this time, due to the fact that he had to say it to someone he actually has feelings for. so just like that, the relationship between you two finally became official.

another day you guys during your normal cuddling session, oikawa proposed an interesting idea, and to be honest you saw this coming.

"babeeeee, why don't we try something more interesting this time~?" oikawa said, staring at you with his arms around you.

you knew exactly what oikawa meant, you weren't stupid, but you know that he likes it when you act all innocent so you decided to do just that.

"hm? what do you mean tooru-kun? i don't think i understand?"

"oh…baby boy i know you know what i mean alright~" just as he said that the brown haired man grabbed you in for a kiss.

your tongues started to intertwine immediately. this was very much oikawa's style, aggressive and dominant, but soft and caring when he wanted to. the kiss was generally messy but you could tell that oikawa was putting effort into this with all his tiny and intricate movements. a string of saliva connected you after he broke the kiss. leaving you panting and gasping for air while he's on the other side with a sly grin.

"you ready for the next part now?"

"t-there's more ah-!" you gasped as your boyfriend pulled down your pants at once, leaving your hard cock to bounce out.

"of course there is~ we have to tend to this guy don't we?" he said, holding your dick and positioning himself to suck your dick.

yet again attacked by oikawa's mouth you just couldn't keep it for long anymore. it's like his mouth is heaven made or something and it will continue to turn you on and make you cum without fail.

"a-ah! tooru..i'm gonna cum! mmghm!" you said, shooting all your load straight into your boyfriend's mouth, which of course he gladly swallowed right after.

"t-that's it right? i don't think i'll be able to handle more, you know…" you said out of both fear and excitement.

however all you got in response was a smirk from oikawa as he slid off his shirt to reveal his perfectly toned abs.

"almost done, pretty boy."

something about that word, made your half flaccid cock immediately rise up and become as hard as your boyfriends again.

"heh? what a strange reaction, could this mean…" oikawa leaned in closer, enough so that all the hair near your ears would stand up and said,

"my prince likes to be praised?"

you've heard about this so-called praise kink before but didn't exactly think you'd be into it this much. your face turned redder than they already are and you just wanted to cover your face and run away.

"aw, c'mon, it's cute! and if you like it-' oikawa said, spreading your legs open, exposing your asshole and angling his cock head to the entrance of it.

"i might just praise you a little more than usual, hm?"

your boyfriend was hot but this was undoubtedly the most attractive he's ever been. towered over you whispering praises in your ear as he prepared you with his fingers for something bigger that's about to come next. without a warning oikawa began to inch his way into your ass, moving and adjusting his cock to fit your tight asshole.

"you're taking me so well baby...keep doing just that alright? i know you're so good for me aren't you?" oikawa said, leaning closer at you.

at a loss for words due to how flustered you are, you could only give your boyfriend a little nod and covered your face with your arms while flashing a little red on your cheeks once again.

"y/n, my dear prince~ doesn't it feel good like this?"

"t-tooru…it feels good, i-it really does!" you said, messy hair and looking directly at your boyfriend.

"you look so beautiful when you enjoy it, keep up that pretty face won't you?"

the praises that he showered you with were too much. you were already so sensitive since it was your first time and all. now with all these lustful words turning you on, you couldn't hold it in anymore and came onto your stomach while your boyfriend continued to make slow but deep thrusts onto your prostate.

your head was still a little fuzzy but you could still feel your boyfriend jerking his hips faster and faster, ending with a long thrusts at the end which wasn't hard to assume that your boyfriend came inside you, just like how you wanted it. before passing out from bliss, a hand cupped your cheek followed with a gentle kiss on the forehead.

"you did so well baby…i know you're tired so rest now, i'll be here alright."

you couldn't be more happy, with such a loving and caring boyfriend. that being said, you fell into his arms once again and slipped into your dreams even thought they have already become reality.