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douglysium · 8 months ago

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Episode 9 TMP Quick Thoughts

Housekeeping and Prologue

Hello, this is Douglysium and you might not know me as that guy who wrote over 100 pages of analysis on the Eye (which can be read on Tumblr here (https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/735599414228484097/the-relationships-between-the-dread-powers-the) or Google Docs here (The Relationships Between the Dread Powers: The Eye- Knowledge is Fear and Ignorance is Bliss)) or as that guy who wrote an article on the Extinction (which can be read on Tumblr here(https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/717929126195003392/what-would-avatars-of-the-extinction-be-like-a) and Google Docs here(What would Avatars of the Extinction be like?: A TMA Speculation)). Suffice to say I might be a bit of a TMA fan. Also, spoilers for TMP up until episode 8. You can read my ramblings on the last episode here (Episode 8 TMP Quick Thoughts).

However, Protocol offers a very unique opportunity and experience for me because I didn’t actually get into TMA until after it was over and I binged all of it. So this is my first time experiencing something even remotely similar to what the original TMA fans probably experienced when waiting for each episode week by week and slowly having to put everything together with the limited information they had. So I decided to throw my hat into the ring since this might be my only chance to do something similar. However, I’m working on some longer form TMA content so I can’t spend as much time on these articles giving a bunch of super detailed thoughts. I will try to keep these short and that inevitably might mean some could have questions about why I think or predict certain things and in those cases I would probably recommend you read at least some of the two articles I mentioned above to get a better idea of where I’m coming from. This also means I won’t be giving you a play-by-play of every single thing that happens in the episode so I encourage you to listen to or read them yourselves and feel free to comment if you feel something is important.

These reviews are probably going to end up focusing mostly on the Entities and their manifestations as they are what I have thought about the most and spent the most time interpreting and there’s been a lot of… interesting theories floating around about how the Entities are manifesting that I want to go over.

Finally, I’m just going to say it right now, spoiler warning for all of The Magnus Archives. I know that Jon and co said one could start with Protocol and be fine, and while that’s probably true, media like this tends to be made in conversation with or take into consideration what came before it in the irl chronology in order to connect them. While I’m sure you could skip The Magnus Archives, I don't really see the point of skipping over it when we are already getting characters from TMA showing up in TMP in Protocol. So to me it’s pretty clear that if we want to understand the full picture of TMP and all the things it is trying to say then we can’t just try to pretend TMA doesn’t exist or scrub it away. Just because you could understand what’s happening without the context in broad strokes doesn’t mean you're getting all the nuances.

These articles are meant to be quick and short so sorry if there’s typos and if I don’t address every possible question or possibility. I don’t want to repeat myself too much in this series outside of the prologue so be sure to skim some of my other articles.

Episode 9 “Rolling With It”

As has become the custom at this point, we join whatever / whoever is witnessing the events of TMP through some sort of a device (one of the OIAR computers in this case). Sam is organizing a large stack of papers as Celia enters the room and sits at her computer. Sam seems incredibly focused on filling out these papers, so much so that Sam didn’t even seem to notice or acknowledge Celia’s presence until she directly addresses him.

Celia asks him what he's doing and Sam explains “Just filling in some more onboarding paperwork. You know what it’s like.” Celia is puzzled since she hasn’t gotten anything similar since day 1 and Sam explains “It’s my own fault. I checked a box for a Response department one-to-one.” So whatever is going on with the papers right now has to do with the papers Sam started filling out in episode 5. However, this situation doesn’t sit completely right with me. First off, in that episode it sounded like Sam never actually finished the original 1-to-1 form since Alice stopped him. This could easily be because curiosity got the better of Sam and he just decided to fill it out later but Sam specifically says that this is all happening because he “checked a box for a Response department one-to-one.” A single box. I could just be taking this too literally and Sam just filled out the form when Alice wasn’t around and is saying one of the boxes he checked is causing this to happen but Celia mentions “Yeah… Alice mentioned something about that. Also, that there hasn’t been a Response department for years now?”

So this appears to be caused by the same paperwork Alice was present for. This means either Sam is lying about something or there might be something strange afoot. If we assume that this is due to the paperwork in episode 5 then did Sam submit something incomplete? I don’t remember anything in that episode implying Sam went back and submitted that paper somewhere even if it’s possible. Is it possible someone or something somehow seemed to know when Sam filled out the form. Something like The Eye (which we know is prone to do random stuff like this) or some similar Entity?

Sam and Celia continue to talk about how pointless this entire thing seems and Sam justifies continuing to fill these forms out anyway by saying “Well, I refuse to give it the satisfaction of giving up.” This justification sounds similar to Colin not wanting to give any of the OIAR computers satisfaction.

Sam and Celia go over some of the weird questions on the one-to-one.

SAM

“Exactly. And honestly, it’s kind of compelling by this point. Like its deliberately weird and pointless y’know?”

CELIA

“How so?”

SAM

“Look. (He pulls some paperwork across. CELIA pulls in closer)”

CELIA

“(reading) Please list your earliest four negative memories associated with school or an equivalent childhood educational institution, then rate each from zero to seven with zero being neutral and seven being traumatic. (laughing) I’m sorry what?”

SAM

“It gets better.”

CELIA

“(digging through pages) Please list every dead creature you have seen in the last three months… how many blood transfusions have you had within the last ten years… “Why?” Why what?”

SAM

“(smiling) Just “Why””

CELIA

“Well, that’s… something “

SAM

“Isn’t it? And even better, I know noone will ever read it.”

I’ve been arguing that, along with the idea that Smirke’s 14 categories are probably still applicable or around to some degree, the OIAR is probably somehow connected to the Eye (or at the very least has a lot of parallels to it). There’s the computers, statements, and voices of Jon and Martin obviously but you also have stuff like this. For one, while strange contracts or paperwork could easily connect to The Web or something similar, The Eye is no stranger to them either. The most obvious example of this in TMA is the contract those working in the Magnus Institute’s Archives had to sign. One which supernaturally bound them to Jonah / the Institute. Additionally, Sam’s paperwork having odd and strangely prying questions is quite in line with The Eye and the idea of something snooping or trying to know too much about you (like sensitive information).

Celia refers to the paperwork and Reference department as an “automated bureaucratic system.” This could be automated by some sort of technology very easily but it could be automated by someone or something like an Entity or monster acting behind the scenes. If it turns out Sam actually didn’t submit the Request department’s form and somehow something was just randomly notified that he checked a box that would fit in line with The Eye and the propensity it and its followers have to knowing stuff they shouldn’t or some form of “clairvoyance.” Since The Eye is also the fear of secrets being revealed or made known Sam’s line of “I know noone will ever read it.” becomes a lot more ominous. I also wonder if these papers are purposefully being used as some sort of breadcrumbs or bait. Sam says that he’s doing this for fun but he could be skeptical about the existence of the Response department.

I end up beating this dead horse every video and I’m not 100% sure it applies here because Sam says he’s filling out these papers for fun and absurdity, however what I’m saying will come back up very soon anyway. As I’ve mentioned previously The Eye doesn’t just seem to be the fear of being watched but knowledge in general. Not just in the sense that someone might get knowledge about you that you don’t want them to know (such as where you live / are) but also that you yourself might know or see something you don’t want to. In MAG 200 The Eye is stated to have been born from the fear of one’s eyes showing them too much and this would thematically explain Jonah’s ability to shove information into the heads of people like Martin and Melanie (he’s forcing them to confront information they don’t want to). Additionally, similar to how The Hunt often cultivates personalities or desires relating to pursuit, and the Slaughter for anger, The Eye seems to do something similar for curiosity. That is to say, it loves to use the promise of answers or tempting one’s curiosity in order to drag them into its clutches as either victims or followers.

Jon originally went to the Institute looking for answers about his encounter with The Web and Sam is here looking for answers about The Magnus Institute. Both Jonah and The Eye love to leave breadcrumbs and information that promote curiosity and a desire for answers. At one point in TMA Gertrude even describes The Eye as also being the idea of seeking knowledge even if in doing so you might get hurt somehow. I want to make it clear that when I point out the curiosity of Sam or his colleagues at the OIAR I am not saying it is unjustified or even unusual. I also don’t think everyone is a secret Eye Avatar or something. I’m trying to say that there are certain traits The Eye seems to like. People who are curious are more likely to “see too much” or watch others depending on their personality. Wanting to lash out in anger or self defense isn’t unusual or unprecedented behavior in certain situations but it’s still something that an Entity like The Slaughter likes to prey on no matter how justified it might be. This makes me wonder if, similar to how Jonah left trails of statements to guide Jon in the right direction and files to stoke the “nosy” parts of Rosie’s personality in TMA, that someone or something is purposefully trying to guide Sam in a certain direction for various reasons. There’s the potential paperwork sure but we get this interaction.

CELIA

“Well, I’m glad you’re in a good mood, ‘cause I’ve got some bad news. I can’t find anything more on the Magnus Institute and honestly, at this point I am out of ideas.”

SAM

“That’s all right. I really appreciate you humoring my little crusade but maybe Alice is right. Maybe I should pack it in.”

CELIA

“I’m sorry.”

SAM

“Life’s too short right?”

CELIA

“(standing) Isn’t it just. Fancy horrible coffee?”

SAM

“Nah I’m good. Besides these bad boys won’t fill themselves in.”

CELIA

“(smirking) Don’t have too much fun while I’m gone.”

And then, I shit you not, the next statement CHESTER spits out starts with a ping to grab Sam’s attention before a “Magnus Institute – Manchester. Private and confidential.” The fucking second Sam gives up the computer just decides to give hima new lead. Alright, I can say with relative confidence that it’s pretty safe to assume that these statements aren’t completely random (at least not all of them). I don’t know who / what is picking them and when or for what reasons but if these statements are random some of the times they’ve popped up have been a hell of a fucking coincidence I’ll tell you what.

The statement also has this at its beginning

Magnus Institute – Manchester.

Private and confidential.

Viability as subject – none

Viability as agent – low

Viability as catalyst – Medium.

Recommend referral to Catalytics for Enrichment applicability assessment.

Last episode I wondered what was up with the TMP Magnus Institute’s “gifted kids programs” and wondered if they were looking for people with supernatural abilities or those who had some kind of interaction with leitners or artifacts. I don’t think the person in this statement is a kid but the mention of a subject, agent, and catalyst is interesting. I previously also wondered if perhaps the government was using the Entities as some sort of secret weapon or back pocket type stuff. Y’know Eye aligned spy networks or Slaughter enhanced soldiers, stuff like that.

I’m not really sure if this is the case or any of the stuff I’m mentioning is actually connected, and the Institute and government may be unrelated in this universe, but the mention of viability relating to “subject”, “agent”, and “catalyst” is curious and I don’t think terms like this were really used by the Institute in TMA. The most common and notable phrases were things like “Avatar”, “Monster”, “Marked”, “Victim”, etc.. I wonder what these newer phrases mean. Is it “subject” as in test subject? “Agent” like someone who is meant to investigate a Power or someone who is using the abilities of the Entities for some reason? “Catalyst?” A Catalyst for what? A catalyst for a ritual, a catalyst that an Entity is attracted to, a catalyst for abilities? I wonder if these terms are meant to refer to people or artifacts? Maybe I should actually comb through the statement before making long winded guesses though.

This statement revolves around a pair of dice and they are immediately presented as dangerous since the statement giver says “Yeah, I see you not touching them. Smart. But gloves aren’t going to be any protection if your hand slips and they go clattering across the table. I’d put them in that box real careful, because let me tell you, those babies are due for some serious bad luck.” They also mention “So yeah, I tell you all about them, how I got them, all that crap and you just… You take them away, right? You accept them? Good. I think. I’m pretty sure that’s how it works. It’s how it worked for me, at least. Put them in whatever vault you like, bury them, drop them in the ocean, for all I care. All that matters is that they’re yours now.” This all seems similar to TMA’s Institute. The person recounting this tale is doing so in a form that sounds like a statement and the Institute in TMA is also noted as having an artifact storage. Sasha mentions that she worked there for a bit as a lab rat before moving to the Archives and noted some of the strange supernatural objects there.

The statement giver then proceeds to explain how they came across the dice. Their nerdy friend Gary roped them into playing a session of Advanced DnD (Dungeons and Dragons) before they drifted apart after they finished going to their school. But then last year someone named Carl breaks up with the narrator and moves to Doncaster, which means that they haven’t seen each other very much. Despite the fact that they weren’t “engaged or anything” the narrator says that the break up still hurts. That’s when the Gary guy from earlier suddenly calls the narrator asking them to join his playgroup. They end up going to Gary’s apartment and note that while the place looks nice Gary is “looking kind of haggard. He’s wearing this obviously expensive long-sleeved turtleneck but he’s got bags under his eyes, his trousers are torn and he’s walking with a limp. ” Given what we later learn about the dice, most likely the torn trousers and limp came from a bad event caused by a bad roll. The exhaustion might be due to the seemingly addictive nature of the dice in question.

The speaker asks Gary if he’s okay and Gary “mumbles something about a mugging so I leave it alone but I do notice that a bunch of the bulbs have blown and there’s a huge leak over his massive sound system. I don’t say anything though. I mean, it’s not like my tiny rented studio was any better. That said, I do notice a slight stain on his wall that I think might be blood.” Most likely these are the results of accidents caused by Gary messing around with the dice.

The narrator feels extremely awkward because of the scene and and the game Gary tries to teach them is “an entirely different kind of awkward ‘cause I have no idea what he’s on about. Then he says to me that he assumes I don’t have any dice of my own and I tell him no– I’ll have to use his. That puts a smile on his face. I know why now of course.” This is the point where Gary passes on the dice to the speaker. “I was expecting him to give me a bunch of those cheap little plastic dice with all the different points, but instead he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pair of normal ones. Six sides, off white, little black dots, you know what dice look like. I mean, you’re looking at them right now. I ask him if we need, you know, weird dice and he shakes his head, saying this game just uses “two dee six”. He holds them out for me to take them, so I do. God, they felt heavy.” A “d6” refers to a six sided dice. Considering how awkward the game is to the narrator and that it doesn’t seem to be like DnD, it’s very likely that this is a game Gary made up or went out of his way to pick so he would have an excuse to give this statement’s protagonist the two dice. Typically, most aspects of DnD require not only more than 2 people (with 4 to 5 usually being considered ideal) but rolling d20s (a twenty sided die). The narrator asking about “weird dice” could be them referring to d20s. There are certain things in DnD (such as specific spells) that involve rolling a d6 but in my limited experience those tend to be specific situations and I think Gary wants to guarantee that a d6 will have to be used.

The narrator notes “It’s been a while since I played the tables but I’ve played with enough bones to know they were too heavy... And there was something else too. From that point on I own those dice. And I know it.” Immediately after this moment Gary says he has a phone call from someone else in the playgroup saying they couldn’t make it so the game session was canceled. There’s no mention that Gary asks for the dice back or even explicitly offers it to the speaker. It just seems like the narrator just “knew” or it was implied somehow. “Do I really need to give you the whole lowdown on the next bit? I mean, you said you're specifically looking for, what was it, “supernaturally active items” right? I feel like when I tell you I'm giving you a pair of cursed dice you can probably put the pieces together.”

The narrator then begins to roll the dice and starts to notice certain patterns in how they work. “...they make stuff happen. I roll high, good things happen: job offers, free coffees from hot baristas, tax refund; I roll low, bad things happen: Broken tech, lost money, bad moods all around. And when I roll really low... Well, you’ve seen the scars.” So I guess that explains the sorry state of Garry and his apartment. I think it’s interesting that the narrator notes “free coffees from hot baristas” considering that they mentioned feeling hurt from a break up. We learn even more when we are told later in the statement “After a while, though, I did notice that… it's not actually random. You get a few high rolls, your next one's is probably going to be low. And if you've gotten all the bad luck out, you've got good things coming. I know, I know, that's meant to be ’superstition, but I’m telling you, I kept track and I've got enough maths in me to be sure of the odds. They’re not random, it all balances out eventually. So that’s when I get to thinking, what if the person rolling doesn't matter just as long as the rolls balance out overall... Well, you see where I'm going with this.”

“The thing is though I still don’t really know if they ever made me roll them. I mean, I did. A lot. And I knew that the risks probably outweighed the rewards but I don’t think I ever felt them like “calling” to me or anything y’know? It always felt like my choice. Even if it was a shitty choice. Besides, I've never gotten anything good in my life except by blind chance, so why should this be any different?” This remark raises the question on if the dice themselves make you more compelled to roll them or if it just so happens that the dice are somehow attracted to people with a predisposition or propensity for gambling or gambling addictions. However, the narrator also mentions “The weirdest thing, nobody ever said no. Some stranger approaches you slides a pair of dice over to you and tells you to roll them, you say no, right? But they always did. Sure, they'd give me weird looks, tell me to get lost, treat me like the creep I absolutely was, but they still rolled them. And sure, I know better than most everyone loves rolling dice but it does make me wonder how much control I ever really had... ” This could be something like The Web at play or maybe it’s another Entity considering it’s connection to addiction and fears relating to the idea of something else controlling you or a lack of free will.

“I did spread good luck as well as bad. After all, even when you stacked the odds, plenty of people got high numbers and then a letter arrives right there and then with welcome news. I hated them for it though. Those stupid damn grins as they robbed me of my good luck. But when they rolled low, when you could see the misfortune dropping over them like a shadow, or better yet when they rolled real low and you could be certain that the next throw would be a good one. There was a dark joy to that, I’ll admit.” So it doesn’t seem like rolling just any low number absolutely 100% guarantees the next number will be high but it does significantly raise the chances and vice versa for when you roll a high number. While there is, according to the person giving the statement, a pattern of some sort, said pattern still has some luck involved. They even say “And my system worked. It wasn’t perfect, I’d still get a few dud rolls here and there: a broken down car, a missed payment, once I even went through a plate glass window, but for the most part I’d really turned stuff around for myself, offloading all the crap to someone else for a change. Clearly something that idiot Gary had never even thought to try.” Whether or not you actually want to believe this person or want to assume that they were just justifying their continued gambling is up to you.

I question if their assessment about Gary never trying to offload the bad luck onto other people is correct. Like they said, their system was imperfect, so is what they saw just the result of the bad rolls? They did just say that they flew through a glass plate window at some point, but then again the narrator sounds like they are in a better state than Gary at this moment.

Over time the effects of the die seem to shift as the narrator says “And then it started to change and the luck was… different. Not in whether it was good or bad, but how it was good or bad. At first, it had all been pretty normal stuff, sometimes even predictable but gradually it started becoming more… I don’t know, abstract? Like it used to be getting an extra hashbrown or whatever and then it became just being in a good mood and then finally you couldn’t even pin down what had happened you just knew something had. And as my luck kept getting better and better I started to feel less and less… connected to the world. Like I was a lucky ghost, or something, walking with normal but not really one of them anymore. I was just this figure stepping into their lives long enough to gift them fortune or, more often, misery before moving on.” The fact that they call themselves “this figure stepping into their lives long enough to gift them fortune or, more often, misery before moving on” is actually interesting because it sounds suspiciously like the gentleman in Episode 4 and his spiel about luck. I don’t think this narrator and the gentleman are the same person (because the timeline wouldn’t add up) but the gentleman did say “"Luck assumes a myriad of forms, " he proclaimed, his practiced manner warm and inviting, “and today it takes the form of a simple traveler offering you his wares. You mentioned playing the violin, I believe?”” It is also noted that the gentleman in question had a pair of gambling dice among their wares. I wonder if these dice are the same pair.

Weirdly tying into this, the narrator gets like REALLY into character. They “started to enjoy that more than the luck. I was rolling for myself less and less, focusing more on being some mysterious stranger. I even began dressing for the part: I got hold of this long dark coat, a wide-brimmed hat, grew a proper goatee, the works.” This is kind of hilarious because the narrator was bashing roleplaying earlier, but also intriguing because I wonder if the personality we saw from the gentleman in Episode 4 was being brought about or influenced by something. He isn’t noted as having a goatee though and it at least sounded like he didn’t look like a guy larping as a super villain. It might have something to do with the influence of the time period or their personalities, or it could just be unrelated. I would be a little surprised if it was specifically only the dice that were causing both these characters to act this way. Maybe it has to do with the “subject / agent / catalyst” scores the Institute was giving out to artifacts earlier in this statement.

The narrator continues to larp and screw people over (with the occasional blessing of good luck) until they “see Gary, sat in a coffee shop just down the road from the fancy uptown flat I was living in (thank you double-six). And he looks normal. Not happy, exactly, but certainly not the miserable shell he'd been when I saw him last. And a vicious little idea comes to me. So, I walk up to him and say hello.” So, the narrator does just that and describes Gary’s face as “Guilt at first sure but then it slides into confusion when he sees the outfit. He starts to stammer out some halfbaked apology when I hold up my hand to stop him. I put on “the voice” and tell my old friend thank you so much for the gift and that I want to pay him back. He knows what's coming then even before I take them out and place them on the table between us.” It’s clear that Gary doesn’t want to roll the dice but grimly does so anyway. Snake eyes. Both the dice land on a 1 and it is the first time the narrator has seen this bad of a roll occur. “Never in all the thousands of times I’d seen them rolled, clattering across someone’s future. Maybe they'd been saving themselves for a special occasion, an honor for an unworthy keeper. Or maybe Gary was just really, really unlucky. Either way, there's this moment of silence as we both stare at the table and the dice stare back.”

As soon as that occurs a truck barrels through the wall of the coffee shop and kills Gary in a quite gruesome fashion. “Apparently the driver was asleep at the wheel. The building is wrecked but somehow nobody else was hurt except for Gary. Just unlucky, I guess.” The narrator staggers away from the scene before the police and ambulance arrive before throwing up. The sight of Gary’s death had been too much so they decided they could no longer keep them. “And that brings us about up to date. They're yours now, and I never want to see them again. Don't get me wrong, it’s a blow but I’m just not the right guy to carry them. Besides I've seen how they treat people who give them away. It's a damn shame, though. Well, maybe just once more. For old time's sake. [Transcription ends due to interruption. Statement giver declared dead by paramedics at scene.]” So it seems like the dice react negatively if you try to get rid of them.

So like always, if I was to try to fit these within the framework of Smirke’s 14 (plus the Extinction). The two Entities that seem the most likely to me at first blush are The Desolation and The Web.

There actually seems to be quite a lot of confusion about The Desolation and what it is, so let’s try to define it first. What The Desolation actually tends to relate to is the fear of loss, usually (but not always) via the destruction or damaging of something. This seems to be very broad and can range anywhere from losing a loved one (which causes The Desolation to overlap with The End a lot since death is a very scary way to lose someone), to the idea of losing something like a home or precious object.

I’ve seen a lot of people argue that The Desolation is “fire” in a similar manner to how The Dark is well… the fear of darkness but I would argue this is a bit of a misconception. The reason why The Desolation likes to manifest as fire is because of the association with pain and destruction. Fire can burn down entire neighborhoods and can continue to spread and consume the things you love, taking them away from you in the process. In fact, it’s not really the fire itself that matters to The Desolation but rather the pain, and destruction. This is why in TMA one of the groups following it is known as the Cult of the Lightless Flame. As said in MAG 89 (Twice as Bright) we get this interaction between Jon and Jude Perry-

JUDE

Oh please, your god is nothing! The Eye, Beholding, Ceaseless Watcher, whatever you call it, that’s all it does, it watches and knows, sitting bulbous and comfortable in the ignorance of infinite knowledge.

I serve a reckoning, a surging tide of destruction and pain.

ARCHIVIST

The Lightless Flame.

JUDE

The Desolation. Blackened Earth. The destructive, agonising heat of burning flesh and land scoured of life. The light, the comfort of fire stripped from it, leaving nothing but the terror of its approach.

The word “desolation” itself is defined as “a state of complete emptiness or destruction.”

So the Desolation isn’t trying to connect itself to fire in its entirety (since that would include light, comfort, warmth, cooking, etc.) but fire specifically in relation to destruction. It’s not guiding you anywhere or shielding you from the night, only burning your house and all you hold dear. It’s also notable that no members of the Cult of the Lightless Flame seem to have the ability to produce fire with their own power. Their bodies are kind of like hot wax and they need an external source to make fire (such as a lighter). The reason for this is because The Desolation mostly just wants them to burn and destroy things. While The Desolation overlaps with The Slaughter a lot, due to violence being a common way to lose someone or something (think violent murders and robberies), The Desolation is ultimately the fear of things like loss and destruction while The Slaughter is the fear of violence. If someone is stealing or smashing your fine glass china collection that is usually The Desolation. If someone is stabbing or shooting you directly that tends to be The Slaughter.

Of course, how does this really prove my point? Well, keeping with the themes of loss there is actually a precedent for The Desolation manifesting as just supernatural bad luck causing you to lose things. In MAG 37 (Burnt Offering) Jason North accidentally disturbs a ritual site that had been set up by The Cult of the Lightless Flame and proceeds to slowly lose the things he cares about 1 by 1 until he kills himself out of fear of losing his son (which seems to work). The point of this specific ritual was not to bring The Desolation into the world but to target Gertrude and potentially undo whatever weird binding thing she did to Agnes. In Jason’s statement we get “I just need to know if you can save my son. I’ve asked and asked and your people only ever tell me to write my statement. Put it down on paper for investigation. Is that going to help? No. Of course it isn’t. Even if you had the power to do something, would you? Or would you rather watch my son burn so you can take notes. I’ve been drinking. You can probably tell from the stains. Well, I don’t plan to apologise for ruining your precious paper, and I don’t plan to stop. Only way to keep the fear from settling in. If I’m scared I’m going to lose Ethan like I lost everything else, then I’ll curl into a ball and never get up. I won’t be able to do anything to stop it. I won’t let my son burn, even if you cowards don’t have the guts to step up and do something.” and “Because from that moment on, everything I love and value has burned or been destroyed. My car overheated on the way back to the Forestry Commission, and I barely got out before the engine caught fire. My house was a smouldering heap of blackened rubble before the end of the week. Electrical failure. I don’t want to talk about what happened to Lucy. I don’t want to think about her face at the end. Now there’s only one thing I have left that I value. That I love. And I cannot lose him. I can’t lose Ethan. I shouldn’t be in this mess. It’s absurd. I didn’t do anything wrong. I just dropped a bottle. That’s all! I don’t deserve this. I don’t.”

So there is a precedent for The Desolation manifesting as bad luck, accidents, disaster, etc. but how does this explain the good luck that the two dice seem to provide. Well, as I’ve mentioned in my previous Quick Thoughts the Entities aren’t objective embodiments of concepts but the fear of those things. The End isn’t a psychopomp or the embodiment of death but rather the fear of death. So while The End keeping people alive might seem counterintuitive, what it is doing is feeding on the fear people have of dying rather than the act of dying in and of itself. The longer someone is alive the more they can fear dying. Sometimes the Entities seem to like giving people “boons” or “protection” so that the people in question can fear losing it until / if it is taken away. Even The Hunt does technically allow you to fight back against things hunting you if you embrace it. Which isn’t that much different than The End protecting a victim from death as long as they act a certain way.

So, I would argue that what we could be seeing is The Desolation giving people stuff so they can fear losing it all the more. If the dice only ever gave bad luck there would be a lot less incentive to actually roll them and if you ended up losing everything you might end up with nothing to lose anyway. Fluctuating between good and bad luck allows The Desolation to profit off the idea of loss and destruction as much as possible.

Additionally, no matter how the dice are used an Entity like The Desolation still benefits from it. If you pull a Gary and only roll the dice for yourself you will lose things and destruction / damage will ensue which can generate fear. It got so bad that Gary was desperate to give the dice away and he seemed terrified the next time he saw them. If you try to game the system, like our narrator, The Desolation still wins. For one, the narrator’s system isn’t perfect so you can still fear losing things from bad rolls and whenever someone rolls well the narrator viewed them as stealing their good luck (i.e. fearing the loss of their good luck). Secondly, even if it was perfect, the only way to benefit from good luck like that is to pawn the bad luck off on someone else. In such a case you are probably generating a trail of fear as you make other people suffer the worst of the dice’s effects. The Desolation may not be feeding on your fear if you do this but now it’s just feeding on the fears of others while it rewards you for feeding it (which isn’t much different to how Entities treat things like Avatars). Of course, trying to get rid of the dice seems to create even more fear since you will probably just die the second you roll them after intending to give them away.

Luckily, the possibility of The Web doesn’t need as much explanation. While The Web is sometimes assumed to just be the fear of people manipulating you, it seems to be more like the fear of being controlled by something else in general. This is most apparent in The Web’s connection to addictions and manifestations connected to that. It’s the idea that you are no longer in control and are now being controlled by something else (the addiction itself). So you could argue The Web here due to the connection to addiction via the form of a gambling addiction.

You could also argue The End because trying to give away the dice seems to kill the person trying to do so. Additionally, The End has manifested as game pieces before in MAG 29 (Cheating Death) in the form of “a chess knight, a domino and a pair of dice, each scrimshawed out of old bone.” I don’t think the dice mentioned in MAG 29 are the same ones we are seeing in this TMP statement since they aren’t made of bone and they have vastly different effects and purposes. I would say that some of the other Entities kill people a lot for the sake of fear, especially ones like The Desolation, so it’s a bit tough since you can’t always just point to every instance of a character dying and say “IT’S THE END” in the same way not every statement taking place at night is related to The Dark. I would probably be much more inclined to argue The Web or Desolation here instead of The End.

Considering that the narrator dies at the end of the statement, I’m inclined to believe that the viabilities relating to subject, agent, and catalyst probably refer to the dice themselves. But this doesn’t really make what these attributes are referring to any clearer.

Subject has a lot of definitions and can mean “a person or thing that is being discussed, described, or dealt with”, “likely or prone to be affected by (a particular condition or occurrence, typically an unwelcome or unpleasant one)”, “dependent or conditional upon”, “conditionally upon,” and “cause or force to undergo (a particular experience of form of treatment)” So in this case the subject in question might not be in reference to a test subject but something that can be controlled or influenced by people or some other factor. This factor could simply be the kind of person using them, but it could also refer to something like Smirkean-esque architecture effects. In TMA certain architecture could actually influence how specific artifacts behaved and some would even become more or less stable. This is most notable with leitners and in MAG 80 (Librarian) Leitner says “An unexpurgated copy of Ruskin’s The Seven Lamps of Architecture, published in 1845. Of course, Ruskin didn’t even begin writing the book until 1846, and the text of this one varies markedly from the version that was distributed. It gives an acute sense of the walls pressing in around you, and if consumed recklessly, will physically entomb the reader. Over the years, I have found that it interacts with Smirke’s architecture, and those tunnels specifically, in a more predictable way. By carefully reading specific passages in certain locations, I am able to exercise… a degree of control over the substance of the tunnels.” Like I mentioned last time, I don’t know if Smirke’s architecture specifically is present in TMP in the same way it was in TMA, and it could be some other environment, architectural, or landmark related effect. So the low subject score could be due to the fact that the dice don’t really react to any outside factors. Rolling them a certain way or in certain areas doesn’t make you more or less likely to get lucky rolls for example.

An agent can actually mean a lot of things and can also refer to “a person or thing that takes an active role or produces a specified effect.” So maybe agent in this case refers to how consistent or predictable the dice are in their effect and what the effect actually is. Easier to control or predict artifacts might have higher scores in relation to viability as an agent.

Catalyst is a word that can mean “a person or thing that precipitates an event.” The problem here is that what this could be referring to is even more vague. Is it referring to the ability for the dice to cause specific events like bad / good luck or is it meant to act as a catalyst for say a ritual, monster, or ceremony? If you were to assume catalyst just means the artifact is causing some sort of event then it could just refer to the severity or how big events related to the dice are. The narrator notes that sometimes the luck takes the form of small things and other times really big things in one’s life, which could explain why the catalyst score averages out to a medium. In essence the dice might have really high highs and really low lows which evens out at a medium score.

These measurements would also imply that the Institute might have experimented on people, which is something we know the TMA Institute actually did too. In MAG 39 (Infestation) Sasha says “Did I ever tell you I first joined the Institute as a practical researcher? I had to analyse and investigate all the stuff in here. Take notes after sleeping in the rusted chair, write in the memory book, all that sort of thing. I transferred after three months. Would’ve quit, but couldn’t afford to back then.” and Jon says “Of course, I believe. Of course I do. Have you ever taken a look at the stuff we have in Artefact Storage? That’s enough to convince anyone. But, but even before that… Why do you think I started working here? It’s not exactly glamorous. I have… I’ve always believed in the supernatural. Within reason. I mean. I still think most of the statements down here aren’t real. Of the hundreds I’ve recorded, we’ve had maybe… thirty, forty that are… that go on tape. Now, those, I believe, at least for the most part.” I also wouldn’t put it past the Institute to sacrifice people in the name of accruing knowledge. Not only does this fit into some of the themes of The Eye but it also has a precedent in TMA with the Institute and other people like Leitner in his library having sacrificed people to better understand artifacts. Sacrificing people to study artifacts isn’t a new topic in TMA.

We cut to Gwen and Lena in the manager’s office via landline, and Gwen gets her first task as an Externals Liaison- “You are to visit a man by the name of “Nigel Dickerson” and hand him this envelope which contains a name and address. Take note of anything he says or does in response, especially his stress levels and emotional state, as well of those of any companions.” The fact that Gwen is supposed to take notes like this reminds me of The Eye and the whole idea of “drinking in” the fear of others via being the witness to their suffering. It could also be the idea of “seeing too much” or something more akin to a statement. Now that I think about it, Gwen is delivering a name and address? Doxxing people or sending information is very Eye and it could point to Lena trying to scare Nigel on purpose but there’s no telling if this is what it’s about. It could be that the name and address represent a meeting place or something similar. Maybe even a target?

Gwen expresses confusion and says “Nigel Dickerson. As in the Nigel Dickerson? From tv?” to which Lena seems unfamiliar. “You must know him. He was huge in the 90s. Saturdays on Six? Mr Bonzo? The Prank Tank?”

We then get this interaction

GWEN

“And why not just email him?”

LENA

“Because I have found over the years that anything less than the personal touch in these situations often leads to… misunderstandings. Besides, I thought it might be informative for our new Externals Liaison. “

GWEN

“Is all this… theatricality really necessary?”

LENA

“I can assure you it is. Consider it an audition if you like. And try”

In TMA, Jon seemed to gain more power and strength when he took live statements from people as opposed to recorded ones, so we know that while The Eye does deal in records a lot it seems to love its statements and observations of fear fresh when possible. The “theatricality” might be necessary if the point is to scare someone but I’m not 100% sure. Either way, Gwen is probably in for more than she bargained for.

We cut to Teddy and Alice at the pub via Alice’s phone. It seems like Teddy’s new job hasn’t worked out since “They actually started plans to downsize the day before my interview and it turned out their hiring department didn’t get the memo.” Alice says Teddy didn’t deserve that and Teddy responds with “Yeah well, since when does anyone get what they deserve eh?” which is interesting considering the last statement. I don’t think it was Teddy that gave the statement, but the whole idea about the dice giving good luck and bad luck but still having some sort of “balance” is an interesting parallel to Teddy’s sentiment. Especially, since the narrator tried to keep all the good rolls for themselves while sticking everyone else with the bad rolls.

Teddy still seems like he doesn’t want to go back to the OIAR as he says “You hear me asking for a job? I only just got out, I’m staying well-shot of that creepshow.” The transcripts also clarify that Alice is relieved that Teddy isn’t asking for his old job back. Alice goes on to say “It’s all right. You met Sam obviously and then we had Celia join on top of that so we’re all staffed up for a change which is… nice.” implying that it’s not super common for the OIAR to be fully staffed. Alice saying “(unconvincingly) Ok, first, I was being super ironic, and second it is “nice”. We’re more or less on top of the case-load and Sam and Celia get along great.” would imply that part of the reason she and Gwen often seem behind on work to an extent is due to the OIAR being understaffed.

Sam arrives just as Teddy leaves for another interview and Sam does make small talk with Alice; it becomes clear that he’s here to ask Alice to investigate the ruins of the Institute with him. Sam asks Alice to join him instead of Celia because while she did come to investigate Gerry and Gertrude he doesn’t feel like he’s close enough to her to be asking her to investigate shady ruins. Sam also mentions “Listen, I know that you said I shouldn’t pay too much attention to the cases and that, but I genuinely think there might have been something really weird going on at the Magnus Institute and then there was this new case that came up and-” which makes me suspect again that not all the statements the computers spit out are randomly chosen. I also wonder if Alice had a similar experience with oddly specific statements or if she just finds them horrific to listen to (which is fair if that’s the case).

Conclusion

I’m curious about what the Institute was measuring for in this universe. Is the “Magnus Protocol” the government working directly with the Institute at some point to make something or was it something made in response to something that happened to or within the Institute? For example, maybe an Institute test / experiment got out of control and led to the Institute’s destruction? That doesn’t seem super likely at the moment but it’s an idea.

#tmagp #tma #the magnus archives #the magnus protocol

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ejzah · 8 months ago

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The Other Shoe, Part 17

***

“Ah, no don’t cut through his eye!” Nell exclaimed, leaning over Sam’s shoulder as he held a large chef’s knife poised over a cake. It featured an almost disconcertingly accurate rendition of Deeks’ face in cake form. Below that, bright blue frosting spelled out “We love you, and we’re not kidney-ing about that”.

It was a terrible joke, but Deeks had laughed for a minute straight when Eric had proudly revealed the custom creation.

Not wanting to tempt fate, they had decided to put off any celebrations until after Deeks’ health was more stable, and when he could actually enjoy the food and other festivities. Normally, he would have been embarrassed by all the attention, especially the cake, and little tokens with his face someone (his money was on either Nell or Callen) had hidden throughout the house. This time, he knew they all needed it, so he didn’t mind that much.

“It’s a cake, Nell. I gotta cut it somewhere,” Sam pointed out patiently as Nell, now joined by Rountree gave suggestions.

“Just avoid anything important.”

Deeks shook his head, content to sit back and watch as Nell and Sam bickered over whether it was worse to cut into Cake Deeks’ eyes or mouth. Fatima was in favor of cutting into the hair first.

Eventually, they each ended up with a slice and ice cream (Deeks decided to skip the ice cream in deference to his new kidney) and migrated out onto his and Kensi’s patio with their dessert and drinks.

“So, when you gonna come to the gym with me?” Sam asked Deeks, poking him in the bicep with his spoon. “Gotta get you in fighting shape again.”

“Let’s not rush anything. I’m not entirely comfortable with the number of push-up and crunches he’s doing as it is. He doesn’t need any encouragement,” Kensi protested.

“And this guy ran a 5K the week after the surgery,” Callen revealed without a hint of remorse.

Kensi sighed in mock disappointment. “We have to keep our eyes on them all the time.”

“You two are cute,” Sam said with a sarcastic smile. “So, what do you say Deeks? You and me at the gym, Monday morning at 5:30. It’ll be like old times.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that just yet.” Deeks chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m probably weaker than when you met me at that MMA gym.”

“I’ll be gentle. At first.”

“Moving on,” Kensi said firmly. “What’s next for you guys, Eric, Nell?”

“We’ll be leaving for Tokyo on Monday,” Eric answered. “I wish we could stay longer, but we really do need to get back. Our second in command is doing an amazing job, but he’s ready to not be in charge again.”

“We’re going to miss you so much,” Fatima said.

“And next time let’s not wait until there’s a catastrophe,” Kensi added.

“Yeah, cause I don’t think I have another organ to lose,” Deeks joked, and Kensi nudged him in the side with her elbow.

“Too soon, babe.”

“You think I’m adorable.” She managed to glare at him for approximately two more seconds before she gave in, kissing the tip of his nose.

They continued talking, reminiscing about past cases, and embarrassing moments well into the night. By popular demand, Sam and Deeks took turns recounting their MMA match, with frequent interjections from Kensi, Eric, and Callen.

When Deeks noticed a cycled of yawning start, he caught Kensi’s eye, and they stood up together. Nell eyes them curiously, but didn’t shift from where she lounged on the loveseat next to Eric.

Deeks cleared his throat, feeling unusually self-conscious. Kensi wrapped her arm around his waist, silently supporting him. “Um, while we had everybody together again, I just wanted to say a few words. I,” he glanced down at Kensi, who nodded, squeezing even tighter. “We can’t tell you how much we appreciate and value your support, your time, the well-meant nagging—” there was a round of chuckles—”your sacrifice through all of this. I never would have been able to do this without you. I love you all so much.”

“We love you too!” Nell called out, hopping up to hug them. “I think everyone on this patio agrees that we’d do it all again a hundred times if necessary.”

“Definitely,” Callen agreed, completely serious for once.

“Anything for family,” Sam added, lifting his beer.

“To family.”

As everyone echoed the sentiment, Deeks look around at the mismatched group of people who had shown up to support him and Kensi more than he could ever have imagined. He had the best family.

***

A/N: I think we have just an epilogue after this. I hope you’re enjoying the fluff and family bonding after all the angst.

#ncis la fanfiction #densi #marty deeks #kensi blye #Sam and Callen #Eric and Nell #Fatima and Rountree #fluff #the other shoe #part 17 #au #ejzah fanfiction

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helenadurazzo · 10 months ago

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The Lord of the Underworld And His Lady Of Spring Part 2

In this continuation of ‘The Lord Of The Underworld And His Lady Of Spring,’ a part of me and @princess-of-pearls-and-stars HPHM x Twisted Wonderland AU, the guys and Asteria all come together in the Headmage’s office only to make more discoveries, but still no answers on how to resolve the issues of the invaders. As always, Helena belongs to me and Asteria belongs to @princess-of-pearls-and-stars

Everyone who seemed to be coming finished with Malleus and Lilia teleporting into the Headmage’s office. Asteria had to note Fae magic was quite interesting and they seemed to perform these teleportations just like apparations, albeit with much less stress.

“I hope we didn’t keep you waiting.” Malleus apologized.

“Malleus! Lilia!” Kalim cheered, “You made it!”

“Hmm…” Lilia mumbled to himself in a barely audible tone, “Seems like I was correct about who was abducted for the most part.”

For the most part!? Asteria thought to herself. What was that supposed to mean? She knew Malleus and Lilia were full of secrets yet some bothered and caused more speculation than others.

Trey cleared his throat, “I was just baking some cookies in the dorm when I got word that Riddle had been kidnapped. Then I heard Ace and Deuce were injured and went straight to the infirmary. It was all so sudden it’s hard to wrap my head around it.”

“The stables where Riddle was taken is like a war zone.” Cater added. “Even the grass was burnt to a crisp. What in the world is going on?”

“That’s what I want to know!” Ruggie exclaimed. “Leona surrendered unconditionally, yeah I know, Leona of all people. Then he said ‘Ruggie, you’re in charge of Savanaclaw until I get back, Then again, I can’t be sure I’ll come back at all…’ He was dead serious too!”

“As we understand it.” Jade began smoothly, “Azul was taken during a club meeting.”

“The board game club guys say he left with them peacefully.” Floyd continued for his brother. “And Firefly Squid and Lil’ Clione went along too. I don’t know though, it doesn’t sound like Azul.”

“Asteria’s group and I were originally with Vil and Jamil back at Ramshackle.” Kalim revealed what Asteria knew all too well.

Rook elaborated further, “We tried to fight the intruders with magic, but it had no effect on them. They took Vil and Jamil, along with Grim and Helena.”

Jade pondered for a moment, “There must be a reason then that Leona and Azul didn’t fight back.”

“Yeah…” Ruggie realized, “Now that I think about it, Leona seemed to know what their deal was…”

“…hm” was the only audible sound that escaped Malleus’ lips before more words were spoken at long last, glancing at Lilia. “Kingscholar is from an old royal house. It would stand to reason he has heard of them…”

Asteria raised an eyebrow, “What are you talking about?”

~~~

“I’ll field that question.” Asteria heard the familiar voice of Professor Trein as he entered the room.

“Oh hello Trein.” Lilia spoke casually at the somewhat unexpected visitor, “Where is the headmage?”

“Styx took him into custody as well.” Professor Trein enlightened them. “I’m in charge while he is away.”

“Maybe it’s good the Headmage is gone.” Asteria muttered to herself, “Perhaps we can actually get answers.”

“Hold up what’s Styx?” Floyd asked the Professor with a puzzled look.

Professor Trein folded his arms, “An organization that operates independently of any nation or government. It is an arcane institute that conducts research on blot. They have done so for many years.” A revelation that brought shock to nearly everyone, except the Diasomnia Housewarden and Vice Housewarden.

“They study blot?” Jade broke the silence that was formed.

“I get it now…” Floyd added.

“Get what?” Kalim raised an eyebrow.

“Think about who they took.” Jade pointed out.

“It was Riddle, Leona, Azul, and Jamil.” Cater reminded the group, “So they abducted Jamil, who is a Vice Housewarden, and left Kalim alone. But they didn’t take Rook who is also a Vice Housewarden. So they aren’t targeting just Housewardens or just Vice Housewardens.”

“It’s people who’ve overblotted!” Kalim exclaimed.

“Wait a few questions, one when did Vil overblot!?” Ruggie looked at Rook and Kalim and only received silent nods in response. “And two that doesn’t explain why they targeting Grim and Helena.”

“Nor the fact that Riddle and the others received proper medical treatment.” Trey pointed out. “They have all made a complete recovery. Why would this come up now?”

“Hmm…” Malleus pondered, “There is someone who probably knows their reasons, the Watchman of the Island of Woe.”

“The what?” Asteria was still just as confused as she was before.

“Ah” Rook seemed to have more knowledge of the subject than she did, “I’ve seen mention of them here and there in old history books. Are you acquainted with this dreadful isle and its Watchman, Roi des Dragons?”

Malleus had a confused look on his face, “Are you that clueless Hunt? You are acquainted with him as well.”

“I am?” Rook seemed to regain confusion.

“And not just Rook.” Lilia reminded Malleus, “We all are acquainted with him to some extent at the very least.”

Rook folded his arms, “Are you suggesting what I think you are that Idia is this so called Watchman?”

“Well it’s more of a family title.” Malleus explained, “I believe the current head is…Aidne Shroud?” Looking over at Lilia for confirmation.

Lilia shook is head, “No, she passed away, now it is Aidne’s son, Idia’s father.”

“Human generations pass by so quickly.” Malleus quietly realized.

“True but Styx is a rather recent development.” Lilia reminded him. “Perhaps only a century or so?”

“Wait slow down.” Ruggie pleaded, “I am still confused. Leona mentioned Idia’s family is apart of some megacorp but that’s just a cover for the whole Styx and Watchman of Island of Woe thing!?”

~~~

“While the Watchman has become sort of an urban legend now.” Lilia explained. “You see back in the old days, when mages were called witches and wizards, they were feared across the land. People believed the Island of Woe would punish anyone who abandoned their principles and went mad with power.”

Malleus continued, “One of my family’s history books even claims that the group is so ancient they date back to the age of the Gods. Back then, the relationship between magic and blot wasn’t realized. Instead, people believed, overblots were disasters that occurred without warning. The Jupiter Family sealed those disasters away on the Island of Woe to bring peace. And the Watchman is in place to protect the land from those disasters plaguing everyone once more. The first was one of the Shroud family’s ancestors.”

“Sounds more like a myth than history.” Cater remarked.

Lilia picked up where Malleus left off, “Mind you, humans never stopped researching magic, eager students that they were. Time marched on and eventually magic became safe to practice, with witches and wizards becoming known as mages. In the present, mage licenses are international and are globally recognized for the betterment they bring society. And there have been many laws and acts to help with the necessary discipline and overtime the Watchman began to fade from the history books. But regardless the group continued their research on the disasters, and that is what Styx is.”

“I see.” Professor Trein continued, “We were aware that Idia was the son of the Shroud family. But this is the first I have heard of a connection between his family and Styx. I haven’t even seen any of this discussed and I have read just about every book and work on magical history.”

“Ah but you see you are limited to the texts that survive among humankind.” Lilia pointed out. “Humans and Fae stopped intermingling long ago, and not every truth is written down.��

Trein cleared his throat, “This makes me wonder if the headmage was aware of any of this. And if he was does that mean he was unable to work with the Shroud family to prevent this?”

Malleus only shrugged, “Who can say really. Even if he had known he wouldn’t have been able to stop them.”

“So does that enlighten anyone about the plan they have for the ones who were abducted.” Trey wondered out loud.

Jade spoke strangely casually, “If they are lucky they will only be examined. If they are unlucky they will become test subjects. And if they are REALLY UNLUCKY they-“

“Let’s not finish that sentence.” Kalim requested with a freaked out look.

“But those goons rolled up and blasted half of campus.” Floyd reminded everyone, “There are ton’s of witnesses right? At least someone had to have gotten them on video. Doesn’t seem very sneaky or secretive to me.”

“Perhaps they have a reliable way of clearing the mess they make up?” Jade suggested.

Professor Trein sighed, “Look, we don’t know where the Island of Woe is which means we can’t pursue those who were abducted. I want all of you to return to your dorms and do a roll call, check for any injured students and report back to me.”

“Yes sir!” The remaining housewardens and vice housewardens said in unison except for Rook who had an ever growing scowl on his face.

Around the same time as it would turn out, those who were captured would arrive at the mysterious Island of Woe. More specifically, Styx’s headquarters. The four housewardens and vice housewarden looked at their surroundings, yet soon enough, they spotted a familiar face with hair made of fiery blue flames.

“Uhh hey everyone, welcome to the dark and gloomy Island of Woe.” Idia awkwardly greeted them, “And Styx headquarters.”

“It’s you…” Vil breathed furiously.

“Yep Idia Shroud acting director of Styx.” He added as he was joined by Ortho Shroud, Helena Othonos, and one of the intruders from earlier.

“How did Helena get here before us.” Leona grunted, “Must have gotten special treatment.”

“That’s the only thing that comes to your minds?” Idia raised an eyebrow, “No ‘Say What!!!’ Or ‘No Way!!!’”

Azul sighed, “I’m so shocked I’m actually calm.”

“Granted we already assumed there was some connection.” Vil pointed out. “But you’re the acting director? That’s not some tangential link!”

“Less Chit Chat more answers Radish Sprout.” Leona glared at Idia, “Why did you bring us here and I can’t believe I am saying this, but why does Helena act and look more like a robot with those new glasses and uniform of hers than Ortho? You did jam us in cargo and didn’t bother even giving us an economy seat.”

“Yikes those are some scary fangs.” Idia jumped as Leona growled. “Just cool your jets and this will all be over and we can have a good time.”

Jamil was simply furious, “You attack our school and abduct us. And clearly have done something to Helena as she hasn’t even said a word of recognition. And you still want us to ‘cool our jets’ you are lucky her sister isn’t here or you would already be dead as a doornail.”

“Do you want to lose your head!?” Riddle exclaimed.

The previous intruder starts speaking in a robotic tone, “Detecting a buildup of magic in Subject A. Readying stun-“

“Woah woah!” Idia called out, “Pause that.” He then looked over at the others, “And Helena’s perfectly fine since unlike you all she hasn’t forgotten one itty bitty detail that’s very crucial.

“Huh?” The boys exclaimed in unison, equally confused.

Idia grinned deviously, “Where are you again? And who am I again? I’m the BOSS” words that seemed to frighten the five guys. “Don’t hurt us we won’t hurt you. It’s as simple as that.”

“Injury will decrease by 57% as long as you follow my brother’s instructions.” Ortho gleefully predicted.

“Very well.” Vil sighed, “There aren’t any better options regardless. I’ll comply and behave.” After a bit of silence, Vil’s tone turned more assertive, “Well? Are forcibly detaining us, I trust you at least have the decency to serve us some tea? Surely your girlfriend isn’t the only one who will be treated like a normal person.”

Idia mumbled, “The way you’re acting doesn’t remotely suggest compliance or good behavior… but whatever. Come on everybody follow me.” He then turned to Helena, “Would you mind preparing the tea?”

“Not at all.” Helena mindlessly smiled.

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springypaws · 8 months ago

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Warning: the following content contains nonsensical rambling form a potentially delusional and very excited individual who talks a lot. Oh, and The Magnus Protocol spoilers until the meginning of episode 7 (because I was too giddy to continue it tonight).

Okay so I know that starting the Magnus Protocol, my main focus should be the new characters and such, but I genuinely can’t get the fact that Jonny and Alex are playing the voices of two “text to speech programs” that just HAPPENED to appear in this world, on this computer, for seemingly no reason, a year before this story takes place, which may align with TMA 200 and the fact that I can’t stop thinking these are 1000% Jon and Martin (even if they’ve been dubbed otherwise by Alice) and it’s impossible to get them off of my mind

ESPECIALLY IN EPISODE 7. WITH THIS NEW CHARACTER CELIA WHO I’M SO EXTREMELY SUSPICIOUS OF, WHO WAS ASKING WHAT THESE VOICES TALKED ABOUT STATEMENT WISE OR HOW THEY WERE THERE AND MENTIONED HOW THE VOICES BROUGHT BACK MEMORIES/REMINDED HER OF SOMEONE WHDHEJJDJDGGGRGGGHHH I’m genuinely going feral

And all of this focus on the potential (and what I’ve convinced myself to be very, very likely) canon presence of Jon and Martin in The Magnus Protocol doesn’t mean the actual story isn’t captivating so far. In fact, I’m extremely interested, and Colin is, at the moment, my favorite character (as I’m not counting Jon), even though he gives major “oh yeah I’m gonna die first” energy. I adore this grumpy AF man who drinks to cope when he can’t figure out why computers are fucking with him because there’s 100% no better coping mechanism.

So far, Alice may need a bit more warming-up to for me to like her as much as some of the others, but her character is already so intricate and interesting, even if I can understand where Gwen is coming from in her dislike for Alice (not that I necessarily dislike Alice, I just… well, as I said, need some warming-up to with her).

And, speaking of Gwen, she absolutely FASCINATES me. Like at first I thought she was the typical “oh I just don’t want to be here” type of individual, but having this attitude because of the fact that she’s impatient in her desire to grow in rank in the organization? I may have seen some similar character concepts, but for some reason hers really has me feeling like I haven’t seen it before. Not to mention the fact that she doesn’t appear completely hostile towards her coworkers, which is a nice diversion from the typical “oh ho I want your job” types.

I also think I like Lena quite a lot, actually; she might also be up there on my favorites so far. Obviously, I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be some sort of antagonistic figure in one way or another, but I genuinely feel like she doesn’t mean to be such to cause harm, or to follow some selfish goal (cough cough unlike a certain someone from tma 1 cough cough).

I’m a bit disappointed at Teddy leaving so early too, although I’m fairly confident he’s gonna show up again in some way or another— hopefully alive and well. It’s unlikely, but we can hope, because he’s just a silly little guy who doesn’t deserve to be punished for being what I imagine to be a big grizzly softy. I’m fascinated by his and Colin’s history and what they’ve experience together/know, but that’ll probably be discovered/explained soon enough.

OH AND SAM. I haven’t decided what I think of Sam yet, since I feel like we haven’t discovered much about him quite yet, but he seems silly and gives me major Cavetown vibes, for whatever reason. He would definitely own some kind of light olive green thing somewhere or something. He’s also a fool for falling for Celia because she’s absolutely not trustworthy and should not be crushed on but he’s just in love so it’s fine

#I should have waited until watching the next 3 episodes but alas #I’m too excited to wait any longer than I have #so either I’m making a bunch of sense or no sense in context of the future #AND I FORGOT TO MENTION THE COMPUTER THING #IT’S SO SMART???? LIKE WHAT?????#I wish to have a mind like Jonny’s and Alex’s like my gosh they’re fantastic at this #when I’m out of uploaded episodes I’m probably going to listen to Malevolent as well maybe #or red valley cause it’s surprisingly short #either way I’m feral for the horror podcasts #there’s so many good ones to fall victim to my obsessing #the magnus protocol #tmp spoilers #tmp #tmp rambling #tmp opinions #the Magnus protocol reaction #idk what to tag this with honestly #hoping I haven’t annoyed the living daylights out of anyone for this post I’m just going insane

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lightgriffinsect · 2 years ago

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4. "How long has it been since you've slept?"

Requested by @hydrawriter

From Now On

(Friday Night Funkin')

Words: 1672

Summary: Agoti and Aldryx peer pressure Tabi into caring about himself enough to say something whenever he needs help.

Notes: I came up with this fic's name at the last second and I think it really fits! Let me know what you think, dear Glassbreaker <3

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“How long has it been since you’ve slept?” Agoti demands.

Tabi doesn’t look up from whatever stupid Dickens book he’s reading now. He doesn’t even really react, only mumbles “I’ve been sleeping,” and continues to pore over what Agoti is sure must be pages and pages of pointless exposition. He nearly nods off in the process, limbs sluggish and eyes half-lidded.

Agoti isn’t having it. Not this early in the morning, he resolves, pointedly ignoring the clock on the wall that reads 11:39 AM. He marches over, and in one swift movement snatches A Tale of Two Cities from Tabi’s unsuspecting hands, holding it high over his head as Tabi yelps in outrage.

“Give it back!”

“Not until you answer my question!”

Tabi growls under his breath, aiming to seize his book back and swatting at Agoti’s hands. He stumbles in the process, falling against the digidevil; Agoti shoves him back with his tail. “It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, Agoti! I’m fine!”

“Are you?” Agoti lowers the book, but not far enough for Tabi to reach. “I was up too last night. I heard you, Tabs. Didn’t sound too fine to me.” Tabi flinches, confirming his suspicions. Agoti lowers his voice. “Are you sure you’re sleeping okay?”

“I said I’m fine.” Tabi’s voice catches on the last word as he avoids the digidevil’s eyes. “Agoti, please, I don’t want to talk about this.”

Aldryx meanders into the living room, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “‘S going on? I heard shouting.” His sharp white gaze drifts between the two. “Something wrong?”

He worries. Aldryx always worries about them both. Too much more than about himself. “Nope.” Tabi snatches the book and flops back onto the couch. “Everything’s fine.” He glares at Agoti, and the youngest can only huff, curling his tail in frustration. He’s trying to help Tabi. All he’s ever wanted is to help his brothers, why do neither of them ever see that?

“Really?” Aldryx frowns, and Agoti thinks maybe with his brother’s help he can convince Tabi to talk. Being the eldest, Aldryx was always the one people took seriously. He’s always had an authority that Agoti never had and never will.

Agoti swallows the bitter taste in his mouth and turns to his older brother. “He won’t tell me how long it’s been since he’s had a proper sleep.”

“Agoti!” Tabi snaps his book shut.

“No, wait,” Aldryx interrupts, narrowing his eyes at their friend. “I wanted to talk to you about this too. I heard you last night, Tabi. Are you sure you’re sleeping okay?”

“Why are you both asking me that?!” Tabi pulls his hat over his skull, pressing himself further into the couch. “I’m—” His voice trembles. “I’m fine! I don’t need anything, you guys shouldn’t be so worried about me!” A knot forms in Agoti’s throat at the way his friend tries so hard to keep his voice steady. “I’m. Fine.”

“Are you?” Agoti challenges, taking a step forward. Aldryx nudges his arm in a silent reminder to be gentle. It’s Tabi after all; ever since they reunited he’s been more on edge, more likely to snap under pressure or shut down altogether. Agoti inhales. “We’re just trying to help you, Tabi. We wanna make sure you’re okay! You’re our friend!” Their family.

“It’s okay, Tabi.” Al approaches Tabi and carefully sits down next to him on the couch. Agoti follows his lead, sitting on the other side. “You can talk about anything with us. Whatever it is, it isn’t stupid and chances are at least one of us is going through the same thing.” He locks eyes with Agoti, who nods emphatically. “We’ll understand.”

Tabi’s shaking, still tensed up against the back of the couch and clutching one of the velvet cushions. His book lies forgotten on the seat between him and Agoti, who curls his tail around it and drops it on the table before scooting closer to his friend. “You… I just… I don’t want to bother you guys,” he mumbles weakly. Agoti can feel the heat of embarrassment radiating off of his friend. “You’re letting me stay here and doing so much for me and I shouldn’t be… be disturbing you because I can’t sleep at night…”

“Tabi, what makes you think you’re bothering us?” Agoti speaks up, this time minding his tone. “Like I just said, you’re our friend. We just want you to be okay!”

“We figured you were having trouble sleeping,” Aldryx muses, eyes trained on Tabi, who won’t look back. “We weren’t sure if you were gonna come to us, so we just left it alone the first couple nights. But we heard you from your room last night.”

“You were… walking around,” Agoti agrees, “like you were in a hurry, and we also heard you… mumbling to yourself?” He can’t help a frown, his tail reaching out for Tabi in his concern. “It sounded like you were crying.” From the way Tabi shrinks, he knows he’s gotten it right.

“I—” Tabi’s voice breaks, eyes welling with tears. Something cracks inside Agoti too, and he throws his arms around his friend, curling his tail around the three of them, his eyes beginning to sting too. He can’t see from where he’s resting his chin on Tabi’s shoulder, but he can feel Aldryx slide closer and wrap his arms around them both, releasing a soft shushing noise and waiting patiently for Tabi to relax.

“I don’t… I can’t really sleep at night,” Tabi finally confides once his breathing steadies. “I just… can’t stop thinking. Every time I do manage to fall asleep I get… nightmares of some sort or another.” He pauses, taking a deep breath. Agoti hugs him tighter, and Aldryx squeezes his shoulder gently. “Otherwise I can’t fall asleep at all and I just… I didn’t want to bother you guys. I was pacing last night to try and clear my head and I didn’t realize I was talking out loud, or that you guys could hear me. I knew you were probably dealing with your own problems and I didn’t want to add to that…” His voice trails off into a mumble. “Sorry.”

“Hey. Hey, Tabi. Look at us.” Agoti pulls away to get a better look at Tabi’s now tear-stained skull. “We are your friends. Beyond that, we’re your family!” The knot in his throat only tightens. “Of course we care! Of course we want you to bother us! I wanted to find out what was wrong so badly—” Agoti’s blinking back tears, “—but we didn’t know for sure and we didn’t want to embarrass you. We just want you to be fine. That’s all we want.”

“If something is bothering you, if it’s— if you’re hurting,” Al picks up, “we can help you, Tabi.” He rubs their friend’s back reassuringly. “We’ll talk to you about it, we’ll just sit with you if you want, we’ll help distract you from whatever’s bothering you. But if there is something you want, if you are hurting… we need you to tell us.” Aldryx nuzzles Tabi’s cheek tenderly. “Okay?”

Tabi sniffles. “O-okay… I’ll… I’ll keep that in mind.” He trembles, yawning softly. “I’m— I am a little bit tired, honestly.” It’s clear he’s trying for a smile under the skull masking his already invisible face. Agoti can only smile in return, wiping away VHS film tears.

“Figures,” he teases, nudging the smaller lightly. “You should get some more sleep. Why don’t we all head back up to Al’s room, eh?”

Aldryx smacks his arm. “Don’t try and mooch off of Tabs like that! You woke up at eleven, you lazy idiot!” Agoti sticks his tongue out at his oldest brother, who mimics the gesture. He’d like to see Al call himself the most mature now. Stooping to Agoti’s level of childishness, the jerkwad.

“No, it’s fine,” Tabi intervenes, chuckling softly. He yawns again, pressing himself more against Agoti, who twines his tail closer around the other in response. “I think we should— it’d be better if we all went. I mean, I’d… um, I’d feel safer if you guys were with me,” he finishes shyly.

“‘Course we can do that for you!” Agoti grins before Aldryx can say anything. “Right, Aldryx?”

“I wasn’t saying we shouldn’t be there for Tabi when he needs it! Did you not hear a thing I said in the past five minutes or what—”

“It’s fine, Al. We know that’s not what you meant.” Tabi is full-on laughing now, and Aldryx finally smiles back.

“Okay.” He rises, pulling Tabi and Agoti up with him. They’re all still clinging awkwardly to each other, Aldryx’s arm around Tabi’s shoulder, Tabi’s arms wrapped around both his friends, Agoti’s tail wrapped around all three of them. “You guys wanna just… head upstairs like this? We can just— I think if we maneuver over…here…”

They shuffle and stumble past the table, between the couches, and make it to the doorway and reach the stairs without any great mishaps. Upon climbing approximately three and a half steps, though, they quickly conclude that it’d be more sound to walk separately until they reach Al’s room. The three of them trudge tiredly upwards, bantering quietly and laughing at each other’s bad jokes, and head inside Aldryx’s bedroom, by far the safest room in the house if you ask Agoti.

The three of them snuggle up against each other in Al’s bed, Tabi between the digidevils, Aldryx’s arms and Agoti’s tail each hugging the other two. It’s not too bad an arrangement, Agoti reflects, humming in his contentment. The others are just as relaxed, Tabi releasing a purr and Al tugging them a bit closer.

They’re safe here, all three brothers, secure in each other’s grasp and knowing they can rely on each other through anything, come to each other for anything, ask for help whenever they’re hurting. They’re all family now. Agoti settles down cozily against a serenely sleeping Tabi’s hoodie and drifts off into peaceful rest.

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onmytape · 1 year ago

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I would welcome ur thoughts on the draft if you want to share...

where do I start??

i almost missed the draft haha. I managed to mooch off of walmart's wifi and watched a stream of someone else's stream of the draft for three hours. I actually watched sportsnet's yt stream for most of it and saw some player interviews but they ran right through the actual draft and I missed half of the picks and then they just stopped streaming half way through the first round. I'm trying to catch up on all the content and find a good quality stream to make gifs of. i'd love to know what everyone else thinks about any of this or anything else!

putting this in point form because i have a lot of random thoughts here and i'm sure i'll be annoying about draft stuff all weekend

Prefacing this by saying that i don’t know much about most of the teams that these players went to so i can’t give a good estimate to how they’ll work out in the organization. i know i'm not the only person who thinks this draft has more talent than the average draft. the top five projected picks could have easily been first overalls in any other year and the first two rounds are full of players that i think will have decent careers. i'm mostly in it for the fun friendships!

not much to be said about the top five. I think carlsson will fit better in anaheim and fantilli will be better in columbus. and he wanted to go there. will smith looks good in teal. He’s got that golden retriever thing that thomas bordeleau is going to hate. Reinbacher doesn’t deserve all the hate he’s getting. I’m excited to see how he does with the habs. I’m really surprised michkov fell so low. With picks like reinbahcer and simashev, i figure the teams that drafted them have a plan. It’s interesting to see what teams decide based on what they think their organization will benefit from.

lots of whl players that went undrafted in previous years i think deserved to get drafted and i hope some will sign as free agents but i was happy to see milic and hanzel drafted.

notable draft buddies: lukas dragicevic and caden price to seattle. I’ve never cared about seattle but these two have been two of my favourite dmen to watch in the dub and on the u18 team.

nashville gets tanner molendyk and kalan lind. i wasn’t expecting molendyk to go so high but i personally think he’s one of the best dmen in the draft. His skating is a big strength. lind is a mitch marner type. Great until he opens his mouth. i got a little bit of dylan mackinnon (qmjhl) at the prospect game and i feel like he and lind will get along. and of course samuel honzek and jaden lipinski from the giants got drafted to calgary together!! i really wish they did all the rounds on the same day just so we could get pictures of players together in their jerseys. and for literally no reason i’m excited about leonard/cristall/allen in washington together.

the flyers have some good picks. I think in a few years, after michkov joins the team and the other prospects develop more, the future of the team will be really exciting. I like hart but i’m excited to see bjarnason.

I personally think some players from the whl went way too low, cristall and heidt are definitely steals. I think a lot of teams will regret passing on them. wild fans seem to like heidt already. but that being said, i think danielson at 9, benson at 12, and yager at 19 was really good. i think every single player was jealous after yager got that call from crosby haha.

Heidt and ziemmer: these are my guys. Was 1000% not expecting minnesota and la but could be worse.

The jets org is looking interesting with barlow, milic, and levis but i don’t know if i can go jets. Apparently milic is going pro this next season which will be interesting and i want to see ratzlaff as the starting goalie in seattle this year. it’s always complicated with goalies because you want to love them all and you also want them to play but that’s not always possible. i’m worried about hart/bjarnason but i figure that bjarnason will slowly transfer to the flyers when he’s ready and by then hart will have been pushed out or have moved on. I do like him but i can give him up in a few years. sorry. and now we finally have levi on the sabres and i know it’ll be a while until ratzlaff is ready for the pros but i’m not liking that situation either.

I think myatovic absolutely deserved to go so high. He’ll need more development like everybody else but he’s a big guy and i think he’ll be notable in the future. With most of the core thunderbirds players moving on, i think myatovic will really step up.

in conclusion, i think i've accepted the draft order haha and not to use the word "exciting" for the thousandth time but i think this will be an exciting upcoming season and i can't wait to see how this draft class turns out over the next few years.

#nhl draft 2023 #totally would love to hear what anyone else thinks

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thestarseersystem · 2 years ago

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"I’m gonna (respectfully) have to disagree as a programmed system. First of all, just because something is a community term doesn’t make it invalid, considering the difference between OSDD-1a, OSDD-1b and the other types of osdd are community terms. You’ve said yourself that people with HC-DID experience a higher complexity level of dissociation than C-DID systems, and that HC-DID systems have structural differences due to programming. With that being said, the structural differences between systems with MC and complex systems without are undeniable. Saying that the two are the same structurally is just straight up wrong (factually). Again, can’t emphasize enough how I’m not dissing you, I just think that you’re wrong." by @eclipse15

So you're going to make me research into polyfragmented DID? Good. I got out of bed to do this.

A lot of known definitions of polyfragmented DID talk about severe abuse such as ritual abuse.

"Polyfragmented DID is produced by severe and long-lasting trauma such as ritual abuse, satanic abuse, abuse performed by a cult, or being caught in a pedophile ring. This maltreatment causes a large number of fragments and alters." quoted from this article https://shirleydavis-23968.medium.com/polyfragmented-dissociative-identity-disorder-281c0e164d8f which includes several sources at the bottom.

One of the links is to the trauma dissociation website, which says specifically here, "Trauma which is "severe and long-lasting" produces the most splitting, creating large numbers of fragments and alters. [7]:19 Such large numbers are likely to be caused by highly organized abuse, e.g., cult abuse, ritual abuse, pedophile rings, or other form of extreme, sadistic abuse which extends over long periods of time and often involves multiple perpetrators." The 7 being from "Haddock D, (2001). The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook. McGraw-Hill, ISBN 0737303948."

This infographic above me is from this pdf here, showing the different ways someone can develop polyfragmented DID. In number 12, there is "ritualistic abuse". 35% of the patients experienced ritual abuse. Another quote from this pdf states as follows: "Ritualistic abuse was alleged by just over one third of these patients, and many of the most complex cases endorsed such experiences. A like number reported that others encouraged and/ or manipulated their condition. Interestingly, since the personalities being manipulated perforce lost much of their defense capacities, the creation of still other alters to restore defensive balance or to propitiate the manipulator was encouraged." You can definitely read more in the pdf, I know I will.

I would continue giving sources but I think this is enough. I came across something that I shouldn't have read, just know that polyfragmented DID about cases like that too.

Almost all early research discusses those with polyfragmented systems being that those who developed complex alters due to severe abuse such as ritual abuse.

It's only been now that polyfragmented systems who haven't experienced or don't know of experiences of ritual abuse come forward and said that is not the only cause of polyfragmented DID. Myself being one of them who has combatted this as the only valid definition.

The definition of polyfragmented DID included you guys since the beginning and people are not taking that away. They just want a more inclusive and less specific definition.

Also, there is no actual difference between OSDD-1a and 1b, those are community terms as well. They are not medical terms nor is there actual structural differences between them as they come from the same disorder, OSDD-1, aka P-DID.

Sure, systems who have experienced ritual abuse may experience different symptoms than other systems, but that does not make them structurally different from other polyfragmented systems.

HC-DID is not medically recognized, as polyfragmentation includes those who have been programmed or tortured. My reblog was to help explain that and give resources on that specifically.

Y'all do know HC-DID is *just* a community term and not actually a thing, right? Someone made it up to describe how their experience feels much more complex because of their RAMCOA trauma. But they are just C-DID anyway, medically there is no difference.

Systems who experienced RAMCOA just have C-DID and obviously symptoms of being programmed and what not. But they don't have a special type of DID different from other polyfragmented systems.

There are different causes for complex DID and being a survivor of RAMCOA is one of them.

#rb.txt #maybe im wrong and it could be medically recognized one day #but that is not whats happening right now and these sources prove that #i also do not think people should research too deeply about this themselves #i had found an article discussing in detail how children were tortured in cults and for everyones safety dont look that shit up #so trigger warning highly if you want to find deeper proof than what i put in my post

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youmakemyhearthowl · 2 years ago

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Punk Princess

Gareth was so tired.

He loved Eddie, really he did, the dude was his other half, but god he could be so dense sometimes it made Gareth want to slam his head into a wall, repeatedly .

Eddie had been acting like everything was fine for a week now, and he never really thought of his best friend as stupid before, but here he was, mumbling the sentiment to himself multiple times a day when he’d watch Eddie try to interact with Steve. Even he knew the apology Eddie had given wasn’t enough for the way he’d treated Steve. He could understand why Eddie might have, in the beginning. They had been friends so long that just an ‘I’m sorry’ covered all the biases when they fought, for every one of the Hellfire members. But that only happens when you’ve solidified a friendship over a decade and knew each other since before you were potty trained.

Steve was new to their dynamic. Hell, Steve was new to being who he was now, and Eddie had practically told him he wasn’t who, even Gareth could see, he was trying so hard to be now.

People who weren’t weird, or punk, didn’t blossom the way Steve had in his new identity.

Any idiot could see that this was the real Steve, the Steve he was too afraid to be in the past. Gareth thought for sure Eddie had known that too, but the absolute shit show the campaign session had been today just goes to show that his best friend was in fact, an idiot.

Gareth was already lighting a joint in the back of Eddie’s van when he came stumbling up and threw the back doors open, reaching for the joint with grabby hands as soon as his eyes landed on it. Sighing out the smoke in his lungs Gareth offered it to him and watched as shaking hands brought the joint up and took a long hit.

The lull of silence that followed didn’t really bother him, Eddie was loud unless he was trying to collect his thoughts, so he sat patiently waiting for him to get them organized enough to form sentences.

“I fucked up really badly with Steve.” Gareth huffs, taking the joint back form Eddie and hitting it while he waits for him to elaborate. "I didn’t really think about what I was saying when I ripped into him, and if I’m being totally honest I don’t remember much of what I had said, but Robin was… angry enough to bring it to my attention.” He clambers into the back of the van, pulling the doors shut and settling in across from Gareth, chewing on the bed of his thumb nail.

“How do I fix it Gareth? It’s been a week I don’t… I don’t know how to apologize for this. Why didn’t he say anything sooner?” Gareth could visibly see the anguish on Eddie’s face, his entire body shrinking in on itself, becoming smaller.

“Probably for the same reason he let you get away with the bullshit apology in the first place.” He hands the joint back, placing his hand on Eddie's knee. “He cares about you and wants you in his life, in any way you’ll give him.” Eddie freezes at that, taking another long pull and holding it before breathing the smoke out loudly, pulling at his hair, unshed tears giving a glassy look to his soft eyes.

“So how do I fix it, Gar? I’m not.. I’m not good at this kind of thing. It’s easy with you and the guys.”

“Yeah, it is. But Steve isn’t one of the guys, and I know you don’t want him to be just one of the guys either. You guys have an insane connection Eddie. I’ve never really seen anything like it before, and you’ve put a massive rip in it. So you’re gonna need to do something from the heart, with feeling, to fix it.” Eddie pulls at his hair again, chewing his lip while he thinks. And he’s smart. Gareth knows he’s smart, knows he can figure this out if he’s given the space, so he sits quietly, waiting for Eddie to find his footing.

“Robin said me calling him Princess was his honorific from me.” He’s thinking out loud now, Gareth knows he doesn’t have to answer whatever he’s saying, so he nods softly, watching every gear turning in his best friend's head.

“So, maybe I should apologize in… in that language.”

Gareth had no idea what that means, he’s not well versed in whatever ‘language’ had honorifics in it, but he does know that a lot of Eddie’s personality is spoken in that language, that its an important language to speak between two people that requires a very powerful kind of trust, so he knows Eddies on the right path to a real apology that Steve will understand is from the heart.

“Gareth, what if I’ve ruined everything?” And it’s the way he says it, like they’re 8 again and Eddie yelled at Wayne that he wasn’t his real dad and Eddie was terrified that Wayne was going to hate him forever and never want to see him again.

Gareth's heart aches.

“If you mean it, and you really show that you mean it, I think he’ll forgive you a lot easier than you think.” He watches as Eddie takes one last hit off the joint before snuffing it out. His shoulders squaring and a determined nod shaking his whole body.

“What would I do without you man?”

“Probably die.”

Eddies echoing laugh makes his heart feel full and warm, light washing the van from the very presence of it in the space. He’ll never get tired of hearing it.

(Sorry this one is short, but It's so important, and I wanted to show Gareth and Eddies dynamic a little closer.

The apology is next, and its gonna be so worth the wait.

I'm probably going to be going to an every other day update schedule so I don't catch up to myself on what I've already written. But if you want sneak peaks at the chapters the day before, follow my Tik Tok,(same username as here) and you can see little snippets of the chapters the day before.

My chapters are going to be getting longer I think from here on out. Thank you guys so much for all the love you've been showing this fic. There's still plenty left of it and I can't wait for you to see where it goes <3

Love you guys <3)

#Punk Steve #Punk!steve #steve harrington #eddie munson #Steddie #steddie fic #punk princess fic #Gareth loves his idiot best friend

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douglysium · 8 months ago

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Episode 1 TMP Quick Thoughts

So let’s get started and I’ll try to keep this short with episode 1 “First Shift”.... After I address two common theories first.

Addressing “THE THEORY”

Something I want to get out of the way right now is that to me whatever government O.I.A.R. organization Sam and the gang are working for are clearly aligned with the Eye or some similar Entity. Now, I know what some people are going to start saying. There’s been a popular theory going around that the Entities have changed to new fears or are now based around desires instead of fear but to be honest I heavily disagree with those theories and they are extreme reaches in my opinion.

First off, we are told at the end of TMA by Jon, Annabelle, and The Web itself that according to its plan when the other Entities are dragged to another universe it should end up with them being dragged back outside the universe in the same state that they were in TMA. I’ve seen people argue that the Powers might have been separated, fused, or reshuffled but it’s important to note that the powers have always been heavily connected and nebulous in most aspects.

In MAG 80 (The Librarian) Leitner compares the Entities as being but pieces of a larger body: “Imagine, you are an ant, and you have never before seen a human. Then one day, into your colony, a huge fingernail is thrust, scraping and digging. You flee to another entrance, only to be confronted by a staring eye gazing at you. You climb to the top, trying to find escape and, above you, can see the vast dark shadow of a boot falling upon you. Would that ant be able to construct these things into the form of a single human being? Or would it believe itself to be under attack by three different, equally terrible, but very distinct assailants?” Meanwhile, in MAG 111 Gerard compares them to colors: “I always think it helps to imagine them like colours. The edges bleed together, and you can talk about little differences: “oh, that’s indigo, that’s more lilac”, but they’re both purple. I mean, I guess there are technically infinite colours, but you group them together into a few big ones. A lot of it’s kind of arbitrary. I mean, why are navy blue and sky blue both called blue, when pink’s an entirely different colour from red? Y’know? I don’t know, that’s just how it works. And like colours, some of these powers, they feed into or balance each other. Some really clash, and you just can’t put them together. I mean, you could see them all as just one thing, I guess, but it would be pretty much meaningless, y’know, like… like trying to describe a… shirt by talking about the concept of colour.” Gerard and Jon also go on to state “O-Of course, with these things it’s not a simple spectrum, y’know, it’s more like –An infinite amorphous blob of terror bleeding out in every direction at once.” So while I would personally argue the Dread Powers still sit on a sort of spectrum, the spectrum in question is a lot more soupy and amorphous than a strictly barebones color wheel and the edges bleed together.

Jon later points out to Martin that the categorization of Entities can’t always be simplified into neat little boxes. These also are important to understanding Jonah’s mass ritual as Jonah states in MAG 160 “Even those that seem to exist in direct opposition rely on each other for their definition as much as up relies on down. To try and create a world with only the Buried makes as much sense as trying to conceive a world with only down. Every ritual tied itself so closely to a single power as to render itself impossible. They could bring their patron close, but never sever it from the others, and eventually it would be violently pulled back into the place next to reality where they dwell.” Basically, what Jonah is saying is that light cannot exist without darkness or shadow to contrast it and light by its very nature will cast a shadow. So even if people say light and darkness are opposites they are really two sides of the same coin and need each other to exist as distinct concepts. The concept of darkness cannot exist unless you have light to compare it to and vice versa.

So I don’t think any Entities are being removed since losing an Entity would be like all the Entities blowing off their own arm if we use Leitner’s body analogy. The chance of the Entities being shuffled isn’t zero but the categories have always overlapped so it’s probably more likely that the new characters may use different categories than Smirke when referring to grouping the Entities. However, that wouldn’t suddenly mean that the Desolation or some other Power doesn’t exist, just that they are being viewed through a different lens than the previous universe.

Now, there has been a super popular theory floating around Reddit that the Entities are now drawing power from desires instead of fear. Which is a theory I personally don’t buy for a single second. There’s the earlier aforementioned point and goal of The Web’s plan sure but I also think the theory makes little sense since nothing about the first few episodes so far has really changed how the Entities have behaved in my opinion.

The truth is the Entities have always been heavily tied to desire, even in the original TMA Gertrude mentions that the Eye is also connected to the desire to know and understand even if in doing so you could get hurt.

We also know that people with certain desires or personalities are more likely to be attracted to certain Entities as they are more likely to intentionally or unintentionally cultivate their respective fear. It goes without saying that a person prone to violence and the desire to attack others is more likely to feed the Slaughter. If you want more specific examples, Jon is noted as being extremely curious and wanting to understand so he gravitated towards The Eye (an Entity revolving around the fear of knowledge, information, having secrets revealed, being found, etc.), Peter was an extreme loner so he gravitated towards The Lonely (an Entity connected to the fear of being alone) and Annabelle gravitated towards The Web and she is noted as having been extremely manipulative as a child.

Desire isn’t anything new in TMA and it acts as the flip side of the Powers that encourages people to hurt others due to specific desires and wants. For example, in TMP RedCanary fits with what we’ve seen of people connected to the Eye and a desire to know / see, and Daria’s desire for physical perfection resembles the gym we see Jared Hopworth running and the people in it trying to get the perfect body in TMA. We even see Daria’s roommate freak out when she sees her so I would say it’s more likely that the Flesh or some other similar Entity was reaching out to her and / or make her an Avatar, and Daria might not have even been the target for the Flesh’s fear but rather her roommate or the people around her. Then again we do get the description of a lot of fear during the tattoo session in the episode and the idea of someone permanently mutilating your body physically is very Flesh.

Hopefully, you understand a bit where I’m coming from now and why I won’t be using some of the common theories floating around as my frame of reference, since I feel like they sort of miss the complete picture or just try to pretend like TMA didn’t happen. So I’m working off the assumption that at most the Powers might be viewed differently but they are still intact enough to ascribe them to Smirke’s categories. This might turn out to be a mistake in the future (especially since this episode seems to be poking fun at those categories) but completely disregarding established information or trying to start from complete scratch is as equally likely to end up being a mistake. I also find the idea that the Fears just did a 180 and started feeding off of desire even though they are acting how they always have to be a stretch. Of course, the uncertainty and guesswork is part of the fun of doing these I suppose.

Episode 1: “First Shift”

Okay, back to what I was saying before. The O.I.A.R organization Sam, Teddy, Alice, and their coworkers are working for is almost definitely associated with the Eye or maybe some other similar Entity. We know in this universe the original Magnus Institute burned down at some point so it’s possible that the Eye looked for a new main center of power or place to conduct its ritual. We know the organization Teddy is working for is a government one and the Eye is also the fear of being watched. A fear that often goes hand-in-hand with the fear of government or something governments sometimes do to keep people in line.

The ability of the computers to play statements by searching through the internet and snooping into various forums, servers, private messages, etc. to find information it shouldn’t and share the with other people is very Eye and ironically in TMA we have seen a website that might have been aligned with the Eye called Sparksfly.com in “What The Ghost? - The Devil's Dance” as one of the podcast’s sponsors. Georgie Barker pitches the website by saying “Wouldn’t it be great if your dating service knew you as well as your friends do? Well, SparksFly.com does! In fact, they know you better than anyone. With SparksFly, there’s no need to fill out lengthy surveys; they get all the information they need from your browser history – Wow. Okay! What The Ghost? listeners get a month’s membership for free! No need for a code; (voice climbing higher) they already know who you are! (still at a markedly higher register) SparksFly: Privacy is just another word for loneliness?!(really fast) I-went-out-with-someone-I-met-online-once. (exhale) We didn’t have a lot in common; I mentioned the podcast, and he spent the rest of the night complaining about the Ghostbusters remake. But we had Thai food, so it was an okay date. I got the tofu Massaman curry.” So it’s a website that revolves around knowing too much.

We also see Sam share a major trait that those attracted to the Eye often have, extreme curiosity. Jon had this trait (which is partially why he was picked as being the Archivist by Jonah) and Jon, Tim, and Melanie went to the Institute for answers about their encounters with the supernatural. Once again, if you want to hear my full thoughts and explanations about the Institute you can see it here (The Relationships Between the Dread Powers: The Eye- Knowledge is Fear and Ignorance is Bliss).

Further emphasizing the Eye connections, it seems like something is watching and recording the people working in the facility. This could be The Eye but it’s important to consider that it could be The Web spying on people again for some new plan or in order to manipulate The Eye again. Right now it could go either way because we don’t know if the Eye can watch everyone in this facility like it could in The Magnus Institute so it might need to use devices such as cameras and microphones in this specific instance but it could also be The Web basically posing as The Eye again (like how several characters assumed the tapes to belong to The Eye before it was revealed to be connected to the Web in TMA) while it gathers information if we want to assume that The Eye would already know everything happening in the facility.

The computers in TMP have been pretty interesting. They are pretty old and while Entities can and have manifested as very modern technology, such as cameras, they are noted to be more likely to manifest as old objects (probably because things that have been around longer are more likely to be more engrained in the social conscience and have more associations an Entity can use). It could also simply be to highlight the oddity of the computers. They are too old of models to have any voice reading software yet they do anyway. Which probably implies something supernatural because the reading itself can't be coming from any technology. It could be coming from some sort of person, monster or even directly from the Eye. Of course, the computers are reading out statements. When asked what programs like FR3-d1 (FREDDY) do Alice says “It searches online databases, newspapers, forums or whatever for incidents, flags them, then passes them through to us for assessment.” Which just ties into compiling statements and what I said before about The Eye gathering information.

The job assigned to Sam and his coworkers seems to be to sort through statements which is one of the jobs the Archivists like Jon and Gertrude technically had in TMA. It was actually a major plot point that Gertrude purposefully made the Archives disorganized and Jon tried to reorganize them early in the series. When Sam starts reading the statement given to him he pauses and says “This is…” to which Alice replies “Yeah, they're all like that. At least this one is short, nice easy start for you. So, once you've read it, you get out the binder…” So… the statements are probably just as horrifying as ever and it’s important to point out this has always been one of the major themes of The Eye. The Eye doesn’t seem to just be the fear of being watched but knowledge in general. This can take the form of someone watching you or knowing secrets for sure but it can also take the form of you yourself having seen too much or witnessed something you didn’t want to. This is why Jonah can shove horrifying information into the heads of Melanie and Martin in TMA (he can force them to see or know things they don’t want to).

Additionally, in MAG 200 (Last Words) we learn in what order the Powers were born in and the fears that led to their creation and we get this: “and struggle at learning, so too did they learn to fear that their eyes might deceive them, or show them too much.” Here the “fear that their eyes might deceive them” is the Spiral while the fear of “being shown too much” is The Eye since none of the other fears mentioned in that statement match up with the Eye and clearly correspond with the other Entities.

So statements aren’t always just the fear of someone hearing a story but the idea of being forced to live / relive or witness something horrifying.

Anyway, after Alice pulls out a binder this interaction occurs

ALICE CONT.

“...And look up whatever’s mentioned most in the case. Looking at this one we go to “D” and… Sam, eyes on me now. We go to “D” and, right, would you say this is more "Dolls comma watching" or "Dolls comma human skin".”

SAM

“(a bit shell-shocked) I- Uh- I mean- I guess the human skin bit is only implied, so... both?”

ALICE

“Nah you can only pick one, Freddy's dumb as rocks. Right, so, after each entry there's four numbers. That’s the DPHW. So, “dolls comma watching” is... 1157. Then you cross reference with the table here, that would be a 2-C, and then you type that into the box here, along with date of incident if there is one and today’s date. Which gives us… Alice’s quickly types.”

ALICE CONT.

“CAT2RC1157-12052022-09012024 and then we hit submit.”

This is actually a very enlightening interaction. Something TMA touched on is that while sorting the Entities can be useful for noting certain interactions or behaviors it can easily reach a point of hubris if one tries to perfectly map and understand the fears. As Jon points out to Martin Post-Change, the categories of the Entities are just boxes and they don’t always fit cleanly into them. The Entities are actually all connected as one larger whole and can overlap greatly or multiple Entities can be at play at once,

In MAG 80 Leitner compares all the Entities to being body parts of a larger whole and the seemingly obtuse way of organizing the statement Sam is seeing are actually thematically very similar to a Domain we see in MAG 183 known as “The Monument.” Jon described the Domain as “homage” or mockery to people like Roberte Smirke. “A monument. To him and those like him, who tried to… categorise the world with themselves at the centre. In so doing, constructed the architecture of its suffering.”

Martin even points out that the architecture looks similar to the Institute to which Jon says “It makes sense. After all, it was built on the ruins of what Robert Smirke constructed.” So while the categories are fun and useful, TMA goes out of its way on several occasions to show that trying to cleanly organize, separate, and / or understand them perfectly is an act of hubris. I’m not sure if the Entities have a sense of humor but considering that an entire Domain was meant to comment on the absurdity and obtuseness of trying to perfectly organize the Entities and range of human fear as pointed out by Jon then something on a smaller scale could very well be possible.

The fact that Sam and company are only allowed to pick a single category for the dolls “wearing skin” or “watching” despite both being present further highlights the oversimplification at play. Wearing skin is something often seen with The Stranger and it has a connection to many dolls because of the fear of the uncanny valley. However, The Eye has a major emphasis on watching and the idea of an unblinking glassy eye fits very well with what we know of the Entity. Also, as mentioned earlier Entities can manifest as almost everything and on top of that we have seen people, Domains, and artifacts connected to multiple Entities at the same time. Martin was connected to the Lonely and Eye, his Domain was connected to the Eye and Lonely, and Gertrude mentions the Key of Solomon being a leitner connected to more than one Entity. There have even been statements with multiple Entities appearing and attacking the same person, such as in MAG 20 (Desecrated Host) with Father Edwin Burroughs. Who at least encounters The Eye and Flesh and possibly even more Entities.

After Sam submits his report he becomes curious as to where it goes but Alice doesn’t seem interested. In this regard Sam is actually quite similar to Jon and many other followers of the Eye and their attempts to understand everything that is happening. I’m not sure if Sam will become an Avatar but I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up pulled into The Eye’s clutches (if he’s not in them already).

We then get a statement from NORRIS which Alice pauses and explains that apparently the voices started appearing about a year ago. There is a rather shoddy explanation about a sound card so I think most likely this was of supernatural origin. The appearance of the voices could potentially mark when the Entities, like The Eye, showed up in this universe but it’s important to mention that we don’t actually know when the Entities showed up in this universe. We know that time can become finicky when traveling from universe to universe. This is shown in MAG 114 with Anya. Interestingly, when she went into the gap in reality The Web was making it was April 23rd 2009 HOWEVER when she came out it was April 9th 2009 and when she gave the statement she said the 23rd was somehow tomorrow which made no sense. So one thing we have to ask ourselves is how parallel does this univere’s timeline run with the original because it seems like different universes may be at different points in their timeline even if this universe is very similar. So much so that one universe may be several days “behind” another as a possibility. So when the Entities got dragged to the new universe we can’t actually rule out that the Entities may have shown up way earlier in that universe than when they left the TMA universe due to these universal “timezones” at play. They could have easily ended up years or decades earlier in this universe than the TMA universe we started in. Heck, it’s not even impossible that they were sent to the beginning of this universe (but that’s less likely than the idea that they just appeared during the stone age or something).

Alice also mentions that Colin wanted to “destroy the computers with a hammer” when the voices started which ties into what I said earlier about The Eye and not wanting to know something via sight or hearing.

Before we talk about NORRIS’ statement it’s interesting to note that there are three voices, with CHESTER and AUGUSTUS being the other two, and NORRIS and CHESTER being the most common. This is an interesting detail and may point to some factor at play that is preventing the voices from being completely random. Maybe they each read different types of statements or statements with different qualities? Maybe they pull statements from different places, different entities, or it’s just that they are loosely based on how much fear the statement might elicit in the listener or even just the length? I can’t say.

Anyway, we listen to NORRIS’ statement from Harriet Winstead and it appears that her partner, Arthur, was at some point taken in the night and replaced with something. When Harriet asks “Arthur” if it’s really him he says “Some of him.” This is almost definitely The Stranger at play. This plays out basically exactly like an encounter with other Stranger related beings such as the infamous “Anglerfish” from TMA. If we believe Annabelle’s explanation from TMA it’s even possible that the Anglerfish got pulled into this new universe due to being part of the Stranger as a monster. The Stranger embodies the fear of the unknown and the uncanny and while this statement does take place at night and mention shadows I can’t really say it relates to an Entity like The Dark all that much. Considering how strangely Arthur is noted to be moving I assume that the Stranger is feeding off the fear of encountering something uncanny (in that it resembles something / someone you know but is noticeably off) or the fear of someone changing so much you don’t know who they are anymore if not just the idea of someone being replaced by a total stranger. It could also be more simply encountering someone who has an issue you can’t identify.

Sam mentioned how upsetting the statement was which ties into what I said earlier and seems similar to the statements on the tapes in TMA. Martin was similarly noted to be rattled or mentally worn down when taking statements on at least one occasion.

Gwen is very interesting since she seems super invested in accurately categorizing the statements, unlike Alice. This obsession with categorizing and understanding the Entities or their manifestations is something we have seen with Angus Stacey (a previous Archivist who apparently wanted to recategorize Smirke’s Fourteen) and even Smirke himself. So this desire to categorize does have a precedent, especially for Eye related people or factions as we see with Angus. Gwen also prides herself on her accuracy.

Gwen is pulled into Lena’s office who confronts her about her behavior from earlier in the episode and Lena says “If you hate working here so completely, you are perfectly within your rights to resign. No one is forcing you to stay here.” to which Gwen responds “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” I think this might actually be a cheeky TMA reference since within TMA Jon and company were quite literally being forced to keep working at the Institute due to a magically binding contract. How much Lena actually knows about the Entities or if there’s a similar force at play here is up in the air. Lena could be being quite literal here or sort of challenging Gwen to try it / call her bluff. It might also be ironic that a Bouchard has the option to quit but doesn’t.

Gwen also reveals she really wants Lena’s job which is extremely interesting since we later learn her last name is BOUCHARD in the credits. The last name Jonah took when he stole Elias’ identity. The fact that a Bouchard was the boss of the Institute in the previous universe and Gwen wants to be the boss of this organization is a very interesting parallel. It could point to the fact that Gwen knows something but that remains to be seen.

Sam encounters Colin and Colin eventually explains that he’s been tasked with developing an app and maintaining / fixing the computers but it’s very obtuse and nonsensical as he metaphorically bangs his head against it. This desire to understand a piece of old hardware is actually similar to an Eye related statement from TMA in MAG 148 (Extended Surveillance) involving a “Security Camera Instruction Manual.” Upon reading the Leitner the victim ends up metaphysically fusing with the camera system the manual is tied to but that’s not the important part. The important part is what led to Samson Stiller reading the manual in the first place. Specifically, a desire to understand and fix the camera system. Similarly, we have someone here struggling with an old system of technology that might also be tied to The Eye.

Gwen encounters Sam later and they have this interaction-

GWEN

“So what is it then?”

SAM

“Hmm?”

GWEN

“The awful, terrible thing that landed you here?”

SAM

“Does it have to be awful and terrible?”

GWEN

“Usually.”

This is very interesting because it shows Gwen is recognizing a pattern. A pattern we also see in TMA with characters like Jon, Tim, and Melanie who all joined the Institute looking for answers after strange encounters with the supernatural. It wouldn’t surprise me if, like the Institute that has burned down at this point, the O.I.A.R acts as both a way to feed off the fear of various encounters but also as bait to draw curious people to The Eye who then either give statements or end up aligned with the Eye.

Chester then gives us another statement (2 statements in one episode is quite the treat). This one is about someone named “RedCanary” investigating the ruins of the Institute during some spelunking. The Institute is noted as being “cleared” despite having no pictures which I think ties into The Eye’s relation to the idea of curiosity and wanting to see something even if doing so could put you in danger. When RedCanary attempts to upload the pictures they take they mention that they aren’t uploading. I think this could be The Eye trying to stoke curiosity since the lack of pictures means more people are likely to interpret the ruins of the Institute as not cleared and investigate the ruins in the future. It’s very possible or likely that despite being ruins the Eye still holds a lot of power there. RedCanary mentions that the ruins are in surprisingly good shape and seem like they haven’t been touched since the fire. But if the area is marked as “cleared” I wonder if someone did actually go to the ruins before but since they couldn’t upload the pictures there was just no evidence.

RedCanary says “It's got a really cool vibe, though. Like, if you’d told me it was a Victorian asylum or something before the fire I reckon I’d have believed you” which is ironic given that the Institute in TMA was heavily connected to a panopticon (which is a type of prison “with cells arranged around a central well, from which prisoners could at all times be observed”). Although, the original Institute wasn’t actually located on top of the panopticon and was later moved to London and built on top of it.

RedCanary mentions picking up a strange box and they are warned to not take it from the site. To which RedCanary says this “I know the rules. I’m going to go put it back, ok? So you can call off the dogs. I don’t need anonymous DMs calling me a thief or threatening me. I can dox people too, you know.” Doxxing is defined as “search for and publish private or identifying information about (a particular individual) on the internet, typically with malicious intent.” which ties in very well with The Eye’s theme of being found or revealing secrets.

RedCanary then begins to act very strangely. They post an image that’s taken down with the caption / description “Canaries should stay above ground.” An image so horrifying it needs to be taken down or people don’t want to see it ties into what I said earlier about the Eye and “seeing too much.” This is further emphasized by FlowersUnderground saying “Gross! Can we get some Mod action over here?” BadGrav31 says “What the hell is that? Are those eyes? Are you alright?” Pointing to this most likely be an incident relating to The Beholding since it likes to manifest as eyes in order to let people know they are being watched. It could be one of the other Entities like The Flesh and its body horror but I’ve already pointed out how much of this statement seems to parallel The Eye the most (and I think it’s rather fitting). It’s even taking place within the ruins of the Magnus Institute. Which was a place that was connected to The Eye (at least in the original timelines).

It’s also interesting that this specific statement plays after Gwen questions Sam as to why he’s here and we later learn Sam is trying to find information on the Magnus Institute. I wonder if The Eye or someone else is feeding Sam this info to stoke his curiosity, like both The Eye and Jonah did to Jon in TMA.

After that whole thing we later get this interaction between Alice and Sam

ALICE

Was it really that bad?

SAM

No worse than you warned me.

Although setting me up like that with the IT guy was

ALICE

Hilarious, I know. It’s win-win - you get a job, I get a fresh victim. It’s all in your contract.

SAM

Don't remember signing that particular bit of the paperwork.

ALICE

Gotta read the fine print, kiddo.

This could be a reference to TMA since Jon and co signed a contract that tied them to the Institute. Making them fresh victims for Jonah and we know that the contract in the Institute wasn’t a normal one. Of course, I’m not saying Alice is being literal, I’m saying this is a moment of irony for TMA fans.

Alice and Sam have another interesting interaction.

SAM

Do you- Is there- What’s up with them? You think they’re real?

ALICE

Alice exhales.

I don’t see how they could be? Mostly I try not to think of them like that, like, things that might or might not have really happened. They're just words on the screen.

SAM

I've no real idea what the OIAR even is.

Alice mentions she tries to not think about them, which ties into what I said about the idea of seeing or knowing too much in relation to The Eye. Just don’t think about it and try not to perceive it, you don’t want to, and ignorance is bliss.

We cut to one of the computers turning on and we hear Colin say this “(slightly manic) You’re not as clever as you think you are. You think you've got us all fooled, that no-one knows you're listening, But I do. I know. I’m going to find you and then… ” So someone or something is definitely listening. Whether it’s the Eye, Web, some monster or person aligned with one or more of them remains to be completely confirmed. Of course, the fear of being monitored or watched feeds the Eye.

Closing

Anyway, that’s my quick thoughts on this episode alongside some of the early TMP threads. I’m going to try to do one of these for each episode as they come out and I’ll try to keep them shorter but that may be hard.

#TheMagnusProtocol #TheMagnusArchives #TMA #TheEye #the entities #Analysis

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cinnbar-bun · 2 years ago

Text

NSFW HCS- Larxene, Marluxia, Saix, Xemnas

Posted on my AO3: Right here

Warning: Unlike most of the other ones, this is a bit more intense (that's kinda what you get for including Larxene and Saix lol).

There are mentions of pain, bloodplay, electrocution, berserk form, and choking. If those topics are uncomfortable, I would suggest skipping this one.

Larxene

Larxene is not for the faint of heart- but I’m sure you already knew that

Canon sadist- she loveees inflicting the pain on you

Unlike some of the other ones who don’t wanna hurt you- Larxene revels in it; bloodplay, knifeplay, electrocution, asphyxiation- if you didn’t know any better it’s almost as if she’s trying to kill you

She enjoys being on top and hates the idea of relinquishing control freely at first; it makes her uncomfortable and she just isn’t about that life

She WILL however have so much fun if you try to fight back and take charge- then she knows she can really break you

Big on humiliating you and telling you all sorts of mean things. If you’re into that, she’ll definitely keep it up

Loves teasing you in public- after all, you’re so disgusting to like what she’s doing to you, it’s almost like you want the others to see it.

Big on toys and other items, she totally could do things with just her hands but honestly, she finds it hotter to use things to make you feel better.

Loves when you’re loud, she gets really disappointed if you’re quiet, and it makes her go harder to get a reaction from you

Despite her ahem lovely exterior, she’s a very ride or die kinda girl and doesn’t wanna include others in this. She’ll totally get off with the chance of you two getting caught- but someone actually seeing you two? Big no. She hates that and absolutely doesn’t want any of the other org members to know this

I think the only one she’d ever really consider to join in is Marluxia but other than that, they all can piss off

Like I said, she’d really hate to give up control and doesn’t wanna feel powerless, however, I think after a while of you two being together, she might try and bottom (or at the very least, be a power bottom) but that’s a big maybe and it’s gonna take a lot for her to even try

Her aftercare is not all that good, but compared to how vicious she can be, it’s a huge difference. She’ll prolly just make you both shower (“ugh, it reeks in here now”) then have you locked in a deathgrip when you both lay down. Occasionally you’ll hear her teasingly whisper, “you’re not so bad, you know…” and just pepper a few kisses over your bruises and neck before she falls asleep next to you.

Totally possessive and doesn’t take kindly to the other members tryna make jabs at you

Marluxia

Saying Marluxia “has sex” or “fucks” is such a detrimental understatement. This man makes love to you.

Despite having no heart, he could almost fool you into thinking he did with the way he just effortlessly makes you melt with a touch of his finger

He’s a switch- he will pamper but he’s kinda a narc so he thinks you should pamper him back, it’s just fair. (Although how could you resist with how amazing he is)

He’s the kinda guy who has a bottle of champagne and roses on the bed- THATS the kind of experience Marluxia gives.

When he’s domming, he’s very thorough- almost no part of you goes untouched. He just has to touch you and feel you all over, whether with his mouth or his fingers.

When he’s giving you the reins, he is a spoiled brat. He practically is begging for your attention and demanding you touch him all over.

Loves your hands and fingers. Stroke him gently and he’ll be sighing and whispering some praise or dirty talk

He’s willing to experiment and be a bit crazy- depending on his mood. He’s very open during sex and he’s also a bit of a wild card when it comes to you. Not as crazy or experimental as say, Axel or Larxene, but willing to get down.

Definitely would put him as one of, if not the, most romantic member of Organization 13. He cannot feel or have a heart, but he does put effort into making sex somewhat more intimate than the others. He just isn’t too trusting nor is he someone easy to become intimate with, so he takes it seriously.

Really into oral, both giving and receiving. He also is just big on his mouth on you, or yours on him. Your lips are like his favorite part of your body and he goes nuts for them. Consider adding some colorful lipstick or shiny gloss and watch him lose his mind

Honestly, sex is a pretty talkative time with the both of you. When he is not dropping expletives or whispering dirty talk, he does like to praise your body or discuss the future he wants with you. He does talk a lot though so shut him up with some kisses.

Aftercare is a must, but honestly he wants you to spoil him and complains if you don’t. He likes both of you sitting in the bath or quietly talking in the bed after you finish. He gets really introspective sometimes and likes to talk about his plans.

Saix

Let’s get something out of the way real quick. He REALLY fears having sex with you because he knows if he goes berserk on you it will be an unpleasant experience all around, and he worries greatly that you will be hurt.

He is a possessive lover and his berserker side makes him actively refuse to see you at night or anytime leading up the moon rising. Straight up will lock himself away because he can’t trust himself.

It takes a long time for those barriers to be broken down, and Saix is a stubborn mule who is unwilling to argue when it comes to your safety.

A compromise is made though- sex only during the day (at least right now). It’s definitely not as romantic but at the very least Saix can relax knowing he’s not gonna switch.

And trust me, with this agreement, Saix takes full advantage of it. Be prepared to memorize the details on the desk, because that’s what you’ll be seeing from now on every time Saix calls you to his room or office.

He tries to control himself but you’re just so pliable and soft, and it’s so much easier to take his aggression and stress out on your ass instead of the others. You aren’t complaining too much with how he handles you, and it’s almost a bit fun to get the others to rile him up to give you attention

Very much a dom and does not like being submissive or in a position where he is weak. He just doesn’t like giving up control. Course, that can be worked on another time when he eventually feels more relaxed with intimacy.

Big sir kink. You only refer to him as sir or master or whatever other term he deems you call him. Big on power struggles and dynamics where he is on top

Humiliation kink for you. He might try and have you humiliate yourself in front of the other Organization members (like maybe forcing you to sit on his lap or call him a name) but in general he kinda wants that kept in private. He both loves and hates the fact that the other members know, and a part of him finds it untoward, but another part thinks its all too amusing to watch you get flustered.

He’s… really selfish at first. There’s no other way to put it than selfish. He really only saw sex as a way for him to feel something of an emotion, and an extension of his control for you. He doesn’t focus too much on getting you off or satisfying you since he already got off. He treats you like a cum dump at first I’m sorry

It’s only after an argument or discussion where you bring it up that he confronts himself and recognizes he has to actually put in the effort beyond just being physical. He’s gotta make the time to make you feel special and enjoy it too.

And that’s where you’ll see the best version of Saix, the slow, methodical beast of a man who will quietly murmur praise and orders, or just tease you in that nice voice of his. This new awakening in him makes sex more pleasurable, fun, and just way more intimate than before.

He can still be a beast in bed, and trust me, sex with Saix is anything but gentle, but it feels way more loving when he tenderly kisses your neck while going to town on you.

Run your fingers over his scar. Oh my gosh, the man is so WEAK for it, it’s crazy. He finds it revolting and the fact you can just look at him, touch him, and love him so unconditionally is indescribable. He gets even more urgent and needs you to feel how you make him feel.

He doesn’t talk much during, or after sex. His aftercare is pretty shit at first too, where he’d either order you to get out or just leave. But after a while he gets into the groove of things and likes to stroke your head or wash you and then cover you in a blanket so you can rest. He expresses himself more with physical actions and he hopes you understand that he loves you so damn much even if he doesn’t have the heart or the words to say it honestly. He really wants his heart back so he can stop being a coward and truly express all that he wishes to deep down.

Xemnas

Take what I said about Marluxia and multiply it by a thousand. This is not fucking, this is not sex, this is not even making love- no, it is an experience

It is earth-shattering, world-breaking sex with a bronze god

We already know his voice is hot. And he knows how much you love it. He likes to give you orders and whisper sweet nothings in your ear, all to watch you crumble and melt in his arms

Sex with him is slow. Very slow. But its purposeful. Every touch, word, breath, is done precisely to have you wailing for him. He likes be thorough and make sure every inch of you has been touched and loved.

Frankly speaking, he adores your very being. If you get to the point where the Superior is in love with you- he is obsessed. Everything about you is entrancing and he can’t resist it.

One thing he loves- no, needs- is eye contact. He is gravitated to your eyes always, it’s one of his favorite parts about you. Your eyes are gorgeous orbs, the windows into your soul he wants to drown and melt in. He will even remark during sex for you to look at me. Look. Don’t break away. Let me see you in all your glory

Sex to him is a way for you to be as one. He wants to break both of you down- mind, body, soul (heart)- and experience the thing he’s been wanting to for so long. He wants to be overwhelmed by your very being, and have you be overwhelmed by him in return. He wants his thoughts to be only of you, to feel only you, to touch only you- he is obsessed with you and wants you to be the source of his light.

Pet names- “dear”, “darling”, “my heart”, “my love”, “my light”, “my everything”.

Despite his exterior, he’s actually willing to let you take the reins (provided you two have been doing this for a while and he is comfortable with you). But he’s condescending as heck. He’ll let you do your thing, but he’s cooing praise at you that sounds like he’s belittling you. It makes it as if you’re just his prey, and he’s toying with you before he gets the power back. Maybe. Maybe not.

Loves when you run your hands through his hair, it makes him shiver when he feels your hands rove through his body. Compliment him too and he’ll be happy.

He likes to “show you off” and remind everyone that you’re his. Sometimes he’ll just ‘steal’ you away in front of others to satisfy his obsession and have it be a warning to the other members not to mess with you.

He loves breathy, light moans. Something about you trying to catch your breath and being too wrapped up in the pleasure he’s giving makes him feel such a rush. He can’t describe it and his thoughts trail into wondering what other sounds you can make.

He often just gives way to his thoughts when he’s having sex with you. It can be fun or veer off into almost making you actually see heaven. He’ll wonder how you feel if he bent your body that way- and he’ll hit a spot you didn’t know he could and you’ll melt. Then he’ll wonder how you’ll behave if he stopped your breathing, and then it goes a bit haywire. His need to answer his obsession with you as well as his curiosity as a researcher makes him liable to actively hurt you. If you’re cool with that, he’s down and willing to continue. But if you’re not, he retracts immediately and stops. This is supposed to make you both one and if it doesn’t, he won’t do it again (or at least without a warning).

Loves blindfolding you and discussing exactly what he’s going to do, then make you beg. It gives him such a power trip and he loves how you crumble underneath him and beg for him to touch you. He likes to rip the blindfold off when you two are getting closer to reaching the end and watch your eyes.

Aftercare is also god tier- but in a different way. Yeah he’ll clean you and whatever, but it’s after when you two are sitting together that it becomes like a whole new thing of its own.

He’ll caress you, pepper small kisses onto the crook of your neck, and hold you close. Sometimes he likes to talk too, and his voice is so good you quickly fall asleep. He’ll continue to stroke your head then whisper how much he adores you and how you’re his heart. Xemnas also feels calmer hearing your heartbeat or seeing your chest rise and fall in time with your breathing. All these things make you so alive and he can’t help but crave to want to have that as well. Soon. Soon he’ll become whole again. And soon, he can truly be yours.

#saix kingdom hearts #saix x reader #larxene #larxene x reader #axel x reader #kingdom hearts axel #xemnas #marluxia #xemnas x reader #marluxia x reader #kingdom hearts imagine #kingdom hearts x reader #kh smut #smut

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jell-0knight · 3 months ago

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I’m considering pausing in these thoughts because my mind I just everywhere on this one. To equate my jumbled brain with how this book was I’ll say I couldn’t even stop to write thoughts in my notes as I usually do that’s how much this book had me in its grip. In a good way? Stands to be debated. maybe I’ll try to summarize before my adhd brain loses all train of thought:

To address the above problems in my mind I had to just kind of push it aside and not think about it too much because I guess what line has this series not crossed? Even if I feel like I kind of draw the line here which is totally personal but also kind of off putting when it just keeps coming to my head the foundation this couple lies within this problematic scenario but alas as I said it’s one’s of those things I guess I have to loosely care about as other things in this series that haven’t affected me as strongly. So anywho onward— to summarize Declan went through torture and ‘brainwashing’ as the book puts it at a very young age. The torture included having his skin and flesh peeled and ate while he also had to watch this happen to his family who all where alive when he was saved by the Orders lead and command who became a surrogate father of sorts and taught him to hate the immortals such as his dear Regin. So he then proceeds to inflict absolute horrific damage on all the immortals good and bad he held back for no one. Now here is where usually I’m drawn in to a character, when he shows traits that are not the usual honorable standard when trauma doesn’t grow but festers, these characters compell me, BUT this usually can turn awry quickly depending on how the author chooses to execute the downfall of these actions and usually it’s when all the bad is forgiven somehow because suddenly bad guy good guy and all that was done was for good reason or unintentional— it just grates. Well I feel like Declan did not near suffer enough like idk I get he died Several times and so maybe. That’s his form of punishment I don’t even know honestly but he literally in the first half was down to torture mates without batting an eye and suddenly his memories are back and he’s just like oh no one can keep me from my Regin? Ugh I would hate him so hard if that were me. Personal opinion riding me entirely here okay full disclaimer. I hate characters treated this was and I also feel like I would just hate Declan. Now on to Regin I think she was way too nice she deserved the world and she’s so funny she’s a good character, still not a fave by personal standard but she was neat for her funny ness. I need to add I do feel like Declan chase brought some interesting points to the forefront like how the immortals treat humans so beneat their notice even though the bad species of their kind hunt and hurt humans. How the Order based itself on protecting humans which like I get to an extent humans always seem to come out and losers compared and pretty much unimportant idiots in most romantasy books and the fact Kresley brought up the anger of some humans at having to suffer by immortal hands and not having defense since the good immortals think them beneath them I kind of liked that. So yes the Order is a shit ass hole bad organization that tortures but I think had a good original thought and just blundered off into no man’s land because of course humans suck. I love Carrow and Slains appearances though i loathed Lanthe was missing almost completely. Uilliam my dude I’m the same as you when you feel still mad at Declan yea I’m excited for his book, as much as I am for Lothaires because I think he’s amazing so far, I will close off here and maybe be more coherent in a second reread although I do think this book was a bit too heavy for me even the gore and that’s saying something considering how Kresley does not shy from that (see Regin’s wire getting removed after being sealed up from her vivisection) I loved the introduction of the dark fey Nora, Thad, and Brandr hooked to see what becomes of them and also the ‘love boat’ aka the boat Declan is still wondering who took? I wanna know 😩 Kresley is keeping me on this hanger for ever I see. anywho definitely intrigued, loved the crumbs, conflicted on the rest

I have a whole bunch of rants and thoughts as I read along iad that I have yet to post so excuse the jump but I need to say Kresley dear what in the world was this (Dreams of a Dark Warrior) Regin meeting Aidan as a 12 year old oh lord no way someone call Terry this needs to be put in reverse I am still just not vibing with this what in the world and then she goes looking for him as a grown ass woman and is ready to do whatever the puck he says after pledging to be celibate to him as a literal CHILD I am just shocked right now because Kresley has yet to disappoint me I’m sure this will be addressed in the book I mean I really really hope so I’m just flabbergasted I don’t even know if I want to keep reading like literally 5 pages in idk wow

I mean he wasn’t sexual with her or anything as a child. They talked about when she gets ✨grown✨ which like idk barf barf I’m sick this gives high schooler getting seduced by disgusting perv vibes 🤢 I’m hoping this is like a discussion idk maybe with the times it wasn’t a problem? I don’t want to read this book but I have to 😫

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rafescoke · 3 years ago

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All I Ask ; Rafe Cameron (Part 2)

masterlist

#Part 2

#Part 1

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: Reader finds herself in the arms of her best friend’s brother after finding her boyfriend cheating on her

Warnings: Swearing, cheating, hella angst, JJ being an extreme asshole

A/N: you guys are truly amazing. thank you so much for the countless amount of love & support for my last works, i love you!

p.s, my request box is always open! go ahead and drop any ideas bae

“Hey,” he said softly. “You’re okay?”

(Y/N) emitted a laugh, her eyes focusing on the road, but her mind was somewhere else. She cleared her throat, “Um, I don’t think so.”

“Want to talk about it?” he said, and she noticed the grogginess behind his voice. She felt bad now, knowing that she had woken him up, but she was desperate for someone.

She couldn’t go to the pogues; her only friends, not when they knew. They knew all along about Kie and JJ but they didn’t try to talk to her. She thought about Pope, how he had looked so nervous around her since a month ago and how she had thought of it as nothing more than anxiety for his new upcoming scholarship application.

(Y/N) groaned, tightening her fingers around the steering wheel. Why had she been so naive? Why couldn’t she realize the signs sooner?

“Are you okay?” Rafe asked, suddenly jolting up from his bed when he realized how quiet she has gotten. Ever since they got close 4 years ago, there was never a long silence between them as (Y/N) always has a random topic to discuss about. He would tell her that he doesn’t care, but he truly likes the new information she’ll give him.

Like how the word ‘who’ is the oldest English word in the world.

“Like, the owl?” he asked, scrunching his face. (Y/N) rolled her eyes, licking the slowly melting ice cream, and Rafe had a sudden thought of stealing her snack.

“No. God, you’re stupid. It’s who.”

“Yeah, the owl,” he grunted, thinking hard. (Y/N) looked at him with her bored eyes again, and Rafe took a quick glance at the dripping ice cream.

“No, Rafe, that’s woo. I’m talking about who.”

“You should write it.”

Rafe watched as she used her pointer to write the word ‘who’ on the table using her ice cream. Rafe laughed, finally understanding the joke, and he smiled wider when she returned a grin.

“No,” her voice croaked, and she could feel her tears slowly rolling down her red cheeks. God, she felt stupid. Why would she cry over stupid stuff like this? She had told Rafe before that she couldn’t understand why Bella Swan was too sad over Edward’s flight, saying how Bella had Jacob all along to help her get over him. Rafe rolled his eyes at this statement, muttering something along the words of ‘this is a movie’, ‘Edward is hotter’, and ‘Jacob look like that cashier guy at the hardware store’.

But she understood everything clearly now because she too, felt like staying in her room for the rest of her life.

“What happened? Do you need me to pick you up?” Rafe asked again, finally standing up from his bed and walking towards his bedside table to retrieve his car keys. He rubbed his eyes, still so tired, but he wanted to make sure she was safe.

“It’s alright, Rafe, you don’t have to pick me up, it’s just, um-” she took a deep breath, “Can I come over?”

Rafe stopped in his tracks, not sure if he had heard her right. He waited for a few seconds, “Huh?”

“Can I come over?” (Y/N) bit her lips, making a turn towards the road heading to Figure 8 from the Cut. The road was deserted, and she looked at the dashboard to check on the time.

2.43 a.m.

“Yeah, sure, um, when are you coming? I just have to wait for you, so you know the new passcode of the backdoor.”

“You guys changed it already?” she asked, and she was surprised to find a smile creeping onto her face. “When was the last time I came over? 2 months ago?”

“9,” Rafe muttered, “But it’s okay. I’ll wait for you, okay?”

“Okay,” she released a breath, “Thank you, Rafe.”

“Yeah,” was all he said before ending the line.

Maybe she did missed him.

When she arrived before the white building of the Camerons’ household, she could see a figure sitting on the front porch, bending over something that (Y/N) assumed to be a phone.

Rafe was mindlessly playing Candy Crush, just starting on his third level when he heard a car door being shut. He jumped to his feet, ready to greet the girl, but stopped in his tracks when he saw the state of her.

She was still in her party clothes, her (H/C) hair in a messy ponytail and her makeup all smudged. He tried to think of a joke, wanting to lighten up the mood, but his deed was interrupted when she finally had him in a tight hug.

“Whoa,” Rafe exclaimed, putting his arms around her waist. He let her stayed in that position for a few more seconds, liking the warmth, and finally parted after he cleared his throat.

“What’s wrong?”

“I, um-” she sighed, not looking into his eyes. “I got cheated on.”

Rafe was glued to his spot as he watched her wiped her tears with her sleeve, looking down to her glittery blue slippers. He couldn’t remember the amount of times he had prayed for his (Y/N) and JJ to call it off, but he didn’t hope for any kind of cheating to occur.

“I’m so sorry,” Rafe said, pulling her into a hug again. He rested his chin against the top of her head, letting the scent of strawberry wafted into his nostrils. (Y/N) cried against his chest, her face all scrunched up, and when she pulled away for the second time, she noticed the tear stains on his shirt.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” she rushed, trying to remove the stain using her fingers even though she knew it was impossible. She was too tired to think logically; she felt like laying in bed and watching Love Island until the day she dies.

“You’re still stupid, even when you’re all fucked up,” Rafe sighed, but he watched her from the corners of his eyes in case his words had struck her, but she looked like she understood the joke. She smiled weakly, pulling on the hem of her dress that had rode up down.

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” he said, pulling her by her wrist as he guided her through the backdoor to his room. He showed her the new passcode proudly, mouthing how it was his birthday date this time, and (Y/N) had emitted a small laugh.

Screw maybe, she did missed him.

“And still a mess,” she sighed, plopping onto Rafe’s blue bedsheet as she took a look around the room. The painting of a random boat in the middle of an ocean was still askewed, and his trash can were piling up. She made a face, pointing at the cause of disturbance.

“You have to clean that.”

“Sorry I couldn’t let you stay in our five stars suite, ma’am,” he said, finding an old t-shirt in his cupboard. “You know, since you barged in this hotel at this time, all there’s left is the 3 stars suite.”

“You’re calling this a 3 stars suite?” she laughed, tilting her head to one side. “Rafe, this room can’t even be rated.”

“Whatever,” he pulled out a yellow t-shirt, putting it aside before looking for a new pair of boxers. “Is your room still pink with that weird strawberry pound cake smell?”

“Yeah,” she laughed, crossing her legs. She was glad there were no crumbs on the bed, or else she would rather sleep in her car. “And that smell’s great. My sensory organs are blocked by all the dust you’re collecting in here.”

Rafe grinned, liking how she was back to her old self, and handed her the pair of boxers and the yellow t-shirt. (Y/N) muttered a quick thanks, her feet lightly padding against the carpeted floor towards his bathroom. She closed the door, leaning against the sink, watching her reflection in the mirror.

She did look miserable, and her eyes were all red and puffy. She always hate how puffy her eyes would get after a nice session of crying, having to endure the pain of soothing it down again.

She shook her head, not wanting to spend anymore time thinking about JJ or Kie or the pogues who had betrayed her, and tried to reach for the zip of her dress. After a few good tries she sighed, relaxing her cramped arms. The familiar yet uneasy pain coursed through her veins, and without wanting to abuse herself anymore, she turned the doorknob.

“Rafe? Can you help me?”

“Huh? Yeah,” he came to the door, closing his eyes before he halted right in front of the object. “Are you naked?”

“No, can’t seem to be, too. Can you help me unzip?”

Rafe opened his eyes, feeling his heartbeat quickening, and with trembling hands, slowly unzipped her dress and stopping directly at the curve of her bottoms, silently admiring the view.

He cleared his throat, shaking his head at the childish behaviour he just found himself in. “Yeah, done.”

“Thanks, Rafe,” she smiled, and turned to close the door again. Rafe listened to her breathing in the bathroom for a few more seconds, knowing how hard she was trying to ignore the aching feeling eating off of her. He wished he could take her pain away an make it his, knowing that at least he’ll have an excuse to snort more coke to ‘forget the pain’.

When she got out of the bathroom, Rafe had to stop himself from drooling over her in his shirt and boxers. She always look good, but she had never looked better in nothing but his yellow shirt and his boxers.

Rafe closed the light, remembering how she hates sleeping with any form of light either it’s tiny or big, and settled himself on the sofa. He wanted to give her space, not wanting to rush anything, knowing how tired she must felt from all the things she had to endure today.

“Rafe, we’re not 10. You can sleep on the same bed as I am,” she sighed, turning to face the other side. Rafe stood up, thanking the gods above, and settled for his new room.

“We never sleep in the same bed before,” he said, pulling the covers to shield himself from the cold. (Y/N) snorted at this statement, still not looking at him or even turning to face him.

The closest thing they have done to sleep right next to each other was in the car during a road trip, and when they woke up, they were both throwing disgusted faces and pretending to vomit.

“Stop it, you guys look stupid,” Sarah groaned, giving them a quick look over her shoulder. Rafe pulled his middle finger from under the blanket he was sharing with (Y/N), causing her to snort and struggling to hide her laugh.

. . .

“So yeah, that’s how you hit it.”

“You’re bluffing,” (Y/N) rolled her eyes, taking over the club and watching the small hole in the distance, squinting her eyes. She took a step back, licked her teeth, and gave Topper the club back.

“See? I told you I’m right!” he exclaimed happily, clasping his hands together. He returned to the game, focusing on his goal, and hit the golf ball.

“That’s fine, I guess,” (Y/N) announced when he came back to the resting area, “For beginners.”

Rafe snorted, downing his mineral water before handing Topper the same bottle. Topper grunted at him, muttering how it’s unhygienic, but he took a full swing of it anyways, being so thirsty after sitting under the sun for hours long.

“We’re glad you’re back with us, (Y/N),” Topper smiled, removing his cap and fanning himself with the clothing. He opened his mouth to say something, but when he looked at Rafe’s expression, he quickly shut his mouth.

He wanted to ask her if she ever missed their old clique when she was with the pogues, but Rafe knew better. It had been 3 weeks since the incidence, and she had been doing so well in coping with the situation. They had been inseparable ever since, always attached to the hips everywhere they go; he couldn’t let one tiny mistake slip that can cause her another breakdown.

“Hey,” Kelce jogged to them, smiling apologetically at Rafe and Topper before placing a quick kiss on (Y/N) ‘s cheeks. (Y/N) smiled, knowing how sweet and gentle Kelce is, almost glad he still does the same thing to her even after they had not been hanging out for a year.

“You’re not dressed for the occasion,” Topper rolled his eyes, “And late. We’re already packing up, man.”

“I know, but I’m wondering if you guys would like to listen to Cage The Elephant this evening by the beach,” he explained, still heaving from his previous activity. He had drove straight from his home to the country club after getting 4 tickets to the show, excited to show his friends what he had gotten for her.

(Y/N) snorted, throwing her arms into the air. “Fuck off, Kelce. There’s no way they’re coming down to Obx.”

Kelce sighed, taking out his phone before showing her the proof in his photos. (Y/N) grinned, trying to contain herself, and looked at Rafe who seemed to be smiling as well.

“Thanks, Kelce,” she laughed, pulling him into a hug. They made her happy, and all the negative thoughts she had about them during her brief friendship with the pogues suddenly evaporating into the air. She squealed, jumping wildly, and she swore she has never felt this happy before.

Just them four. Like the old times.

Four hours later, (Y/N) took a step back when they arrived at the beach, the memory of what happened three weeks ago suddenly rewinding in her head. Rafe noticed how quiet she had been, and pulled her aside while Topper and Kelce went to check on the stage.

“Are you okay?”

(Y/N) bit her lips, nodding. She ran her fingers over the penguin charm Rafe had gotten her a week prior, saying how it resembles him when he sees her. (Y/N) rolled her eyes at him during that surprising moment, touched yet confused at the story behind the penguin charm.

“Okay. Do you need a drink?” he asked again, staring into her eyes. She shook her head, wetting her lips and putting on her usual smile. Rafe grinned at her, muttering how she’s doing so good, all while guiding her towards their two other friends.

“(Y/N)?”

(Y/N) turned to look at the source, not thinking much. She almost fell to the ground when she saw the person responsible, but Rafe still had his arms around her. He turned to check on her again, but followed her gaze when he noticed she was staring at the opposite direction.

“What the fuck?” Rafe yelled, pushing JJ’s chest with so much anger that he toppled over to John B. Sarah yelped, pulling Kie to her side, watching as her brother walked towards them furiously.

“Chill, man, I just want to talk to her,” he said, taking a deep breath. He noticed the crowd starting to notice them, and his eyes landed on a certain girl who was held up by Topper and Kelce, both asking if she was okay.

“Fuck off, pogue,” Rafe said, his eyes stern as he stared over JJ and his group of friends. “You have nothing to say to her.”

As he turned to return to his friends, his chest heaving from the near-fight he almost encounter with JJ, he bended to (Y/N)’s height to check on her state. Her eyes were glassy, her face red.

“So you’re fucking them all now like a whore?” JJ shouted, loud enough for everyone else around them to gasp, and some already had their phones out. (Y/N) was shocked at this statement, frozen on her feet, not knowing what on earth would make JJ say that to her.

He was never mean to her, even when they had a fight. He yelled at her sometimes, sure, but she had been the one yelling first. He never called her anything of that sort, not even during sex, where she had given him her full consent.

“You’re crazy,” she muttered, her lips trembling. “Go to hell.”

“No, no, because it has always been easy for you, right? You broke up with me, got on with Rafe, leave your own friends and come back to the country clubs?” he laughed, and she flinched at his words. If JJ had meant the pogues as her friends, then he was totally wrong.

“Fuck off, pogue,” Topper stepped out, and before he could finish his sentence, JJ landed a full punch on his face, causing him to fall onto the ground with a thud.

(Y/N) screamed, getting to his side as Rafe returned JJ’s gesture. Topper laid on the ground with his nose starting to bleed, causing (Y/N) to panic while she rummaged through Rafe’s backpack he had left on the ground for clean tissues.

Topper groaned, keep wanting to get up, but (Y/N) held him in place, not letting her friend go and hurt himself more just for her. She cried while she tried to wipe the blood, hearing the fight behind her.

“Fuck you! You stupid pogue! You should be in jail like your dad!”

Something cracked in JJ as he yelled something back in pure anger. He punched, kicked, slapped and hit Rafe who was already on the ground, spitting blood.

“JJ! That’s enough,” Pope pulled him back, trying to contain the wild animal as he thrashed to escape. He yelled more curses at Rafe while Pope tried his best to pull him away, obviously not done with hitting the boy laying on the ground.

(Y/N) cried, running towards Rafe’s side, cupping his face and looking into his swollen eyes. She groaned when Rafe’s laugh filled the air, not believing how he was still joking in a state like this.

“I’m okay,” he said, his breath ragged. “Don’t cry. I’m okay.”

Rafe stood up slowly and looked at the direction of the still thrasing JJ, hearing his muffled shouts with his arms around (Y/N) ‘s waist. He held her close as she sobbed into his shoulder, still trembling.

“Let’s go home?” he asked, and (Y/N) didn’t need to be told twice to follow him into his car. As disappointed as she was that she didn’t get the chance to see her favourite band, she wanted to take care of Rafe, who had been there since the day she found out about Kie and JJ.

The clock struck 12 in the morning and the grandfather clock in the living room chimed as Rafe groaned, feeling a certain girl with trembling hands and tired eyes gently wiping a cotton pad across his cut.

“Fuck! I said slowly,” he grunted, closing his eyes to decrease the pain. (Y/N) bit her lips, trying to concentrate all the while trying to contain her laugh. He hissed again when she dabbed on his cut, this time with his fingers gripping tightly around her wrist.

“I said slowly.”

“I’m doing it slow, asshole,” she smiled, and felt him softened when she finally threw the last cotton pad. She pulled the covers to his chin, fixing the front part of hair before going to the bathroom to wash her hands. When she came back, she found him still awake with his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling.

“I really need you to sleep,” she sighed, “To heal your pretty face.”

Rafe grinned and though (Y/N) tried her hardest not to smile back, she couldn’t deny the warm feeling settling in the pits of her stomach.

“You think I’m pretty?”

There was no use denying it anymore.

“Yeah,” she shrugged, getting into the space beside him. “Even when you are all fucked up.”

(Y/N) could sense his smile even when she didn’t look at him, knowing how soft he usually end up being when she compliments him. She turned to look at him.

“Are you serious about not wanting a girlfriend?”

Rafe turned to look at her, his eyebrows raised. His insides exclaimed happily, liking the way his words had struck her. He meant what he said, but that statement didn’t apply to (Y/N).

“Why?”

“Just asking,” she shrugged, and made a move to touch his cut. He hissed, feeling a sharp pain soaring in him, but she looked so peaceful trying to figure out his wound.

“You can kiss them to make them feel better,” he grinned, and watched as she groaned, trying to hide her face against the pillow. Rafe laughed, and turned the lamp beside him off, knowing that he shouldn’t push it and leave her be.

Just as he was about to drift into a peaceful sleep, he felt her soft lips against his, to which it was quick and gentle before she pulled away, giggling.

“4 years.”

“Huh?” (Y/N) questioned, still smiling from the kiss she just initiated a few seconds ago. She couldn’t contain herself; he looked so peaceful, so sweet, and so handsome. She didn’t know why she hadn’t kissed him sooner.

“I waited for that since 4 years ago.”

“Now you’re just pushing it, Rafe.”

Rafe grinned against the darkness, and felt his heart soaring. “Can we kiss again?”

“Tomorrow,” she stated, and Rafe laughed.

Tomorrrow. The next day. Next week.

He didn’t care - as long as he will finally have her by his side.

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