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i still miss the smoke | ollie bearman social media au
pairing: ollie bearman x fem singer ex reader
where there’s smoke, there’s fire and maybe we miss the warmth
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
y/nfanpage
liked by kimiantonelli, user1 and 102,309 others
tagged: yourusername
y/nfanpage: folklore is finally out and i say for everyone: thank you y/n!!!! another banger i believe, what did you guys think?
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user2: my ears have been BLESSED
user3: she really looked inside my brain and created the exact thing i needed
user4: and THIS is why i have a parasocial relationship sorry!
user5: you can tell she's been writing this a long time because she still sounds so in love
user6: i don't want to be that person that makes all her music about the men but like she's so obviously still in love with ollie
user7: she put the songs invisible string and the 1 on this record and didn't think we would see that she's so in love still
user8: maybe she's hoping that he'll listen and call her?
kimiantonelli: HE BETTER FUCKING CALL JESUS CHRIST
this comment has been deleted
user8: why did an account with over a million followers just reply to me and then delete his comment?
user9: babe that was soon-to-be mercedes f1 driver kimi antonelli (he's ollie's current teammate)
user8: WHAT?
user10: surely this is a sign?
user11: mum come pick me up they've made up yet another conspiracy about y/n and ollie getting back together
user12: 1. they're still in love argue with the wall 2. fuck ur mum
user11: excuse me?
user12: i said what i said, kimi commenting has proved the fact ollie clearly misses y/n as much as folklore proves she misses him
user13: as an f1 fan it still actually boggles my mind that ollie was actually with Y/N Y/LN
user14: no it's crazy because when he got called up in saudi arabia the first thing charles said to him was 'why didn't you bring y/n we wanted to meet her'
user15: also like the way the viewer count spiked for saudi with all the y/n fans watching
user16: well some of us didn't leave so now i have another expensive hobby and an unhealthy attachment to both of them
olliebearman
liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 409,300 others
tagged: kimiantonelli
olliebearman: back to the action this weekend
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user17: thank you for my daily dose of bearnelli
user18: i can't believe both will be on the f1 grid next year 😭
user19: i hate that they won't be teammates
user20: you can't separate them they're like bonded cats
charles_leclerc: so when are you growing some balls and calling y/n?
olliebearman: huh?
charles_leclerc: answer me quickly oliver or you're not getting my car in FP1
olliebearman: i don't think you can do that?
charles_leclerc: do you wanna find out the hard way?
olliebearman: i know we have this cool father son thing going and i love that but STAY THE FUCK OF MY LOVE LIFE
charles_leclerc: i don't appreciate your tone young man
charles_leclerc: and i loved folklore and want my vinyl signed :P
olliebearman: go to a meet and greet like a normal person?
charles_leclerc: JUST CALL HER FOR FUCK SAKE
user21: so everyone lost their minds over the summer break i see
user22: well i hate to say it but they have a point - y/n is in the likes
user23: they're feeding my delusions i fear
kimiantonelli: we look like a couple here.... which reminds me ... you could be in a relationship ... if you just PICKED UP THE DAMN PHONE
olliebearman: do you fucking mind?
kimiantonelli: don't speak to me like that :(
olliebearman: this is my instagram page?
kimiantonelli: you keep fucking moping and it's bringing the mood down so do something about it for the love of god
olliebearman: stop airing me out online? I SAW UR TWEET
kimiantonelli: and yet she's still in your likes THERE'S STILL TIME JACKASS
user24: we're trusting these fools to drive f1 cars?
yourusername: i can see all of these comments?
this post has been deleted
f1insider
liked by user25, user26 and 21,843 others
tagged: olliebearman
f1insider: ollie meeting fans this weekend - one fan has stated that when she asked ollie to sign her y/n y/ln shirt he was more than happy to and said that his favourite song from the new album is invisible string and said "i'm still holding my end"
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user27: so he's freaking out about charles and kimi airing him out in public when he's spouting poetry to random f1 fans
user28: I WAS THE FAN and let me tell you bro was GOING THROUGH IT
user29: how so?
user28: well first of all he did a double take when he first saw my shirt and took time to properly look at it before signing - he knew in less than 5 seconds what his favourite song was and had this far off loved up look when he said about the invisible string
user29: oh he's so down bad
user30: the way i just know kimi was there groaning up a storm
user28: you would be correct
user31: someone needs to get that dude some compensation for real
user32: bro is coming into his f1 career known by the wider community as the guy who is the eternal third wheel to a couple who have been broken up for six months
user33: i'm sorry he can't say he's still holding onto the invisible string and just expect us all to be normal about it ?
user34: you can tell he's been with y/n though because before that the most eloquent thing he's said is when he sent carlos his condolences like he DIED
user35: we can't even say he's doing it for her attention because how did he know that the fan would run to social media
user36: based on how kimi is right now i'd put a lot of money on him going on like this at all times
user37: all this to say i hope they get back together because i think seeing y/n at an f1 race would send me into cardiac arrest
user38: she'd be up there for best ever wag i won't lie
user39: i do think she'd be the best but that's also because arguably ollie is more her wag
user40: they've mastered the lovestruck look of watching the person you love doing what they love
user41: we're all going to look so dumb if they never get back together
user42: SHUSH
yourusername
liked by kimiantonelli, olliebearman and 3,209,577 others
yourusername: you thought i was done? my bonus track 'the lakes' is out now!
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user43: STUNT ON THEM HOES
user44: this is such a funny comment in the context of how the music actually sounds
user45: okay well she's stepping on the girls' neck and hearing the snap like autumn leaves on the ground
charles_leclerc: amazing song once again y/n!
yourusername: thanks charles :)
charles_leclerc: now, what are we doing about this heartbroken son of mine?
yourusername: excuse me?
charles_leclerc: don't play coy with me miss, i know you're just as pathetically sad as him so why don't you get ur head out of the sand and call him up !!!!
yourusername: you know i saw all of your comments shouting at him to do the same thing
charles_leclerc: i'm standing on business - he was the one who deleted the post
yourusername: does he know you're doing that on my post as well then?
charles_leclerc: don't be stupid i know that fool still has your notifications on i can hear his phone buzzing every time you reply - he's trying to play it cool in the engineering meeting
yourusername: and you don't have to?
charles_leclerc: i told them it was a family emergency
yourusername: charles ????
charles_leclerc: whether you like it or not you are my grid daughter in law and so it does personally pain me when you IDIOTS don't see what is right in front of you - it's not like you have to use messenger pigeons, you can make it work
user46: i know ollie is going to have a heart attack when he finally reads this comments
charles_leclerc: he just snuck to the toilet and i could hear him drop his phone from the meeting room
olliebearman: STOP ARE YOU INSANE
olliebearman: also this is not "family drama" i was genuinely worried something had happened :/
yourusername: come on ollie you should know not to trust that man by now
user47: i know ^^ this is crazy but like bro THE LAKES ??? i swear in an interview y/n spoke about it was her and ollie's dream to spend christmas by the lakes?
user48: WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK
user49: plus the replies??? basically remarried
user50: genuine question for everyone in the comments talking about her getting back with this mystery man - why did they even break up?
user51: ollie was starting his f2 season that was going to secure him an f1 drive and y/n was starting an album cycle and finishing a tour so they broke up because of distance :(
user52: NOT FOR LONG :P
olliebearman
liked by charles_leclerc, kimiantonelli and 1,204,377 others
tagged: yourusername
olliebearman: i took her to the lakes where all the poets went to die (i didn't let her die)
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user54: WE HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE BACK
user55: shout out to kimi antonelli, you survived king
yourusername: you're such a cutie pie
olliebearman: just for you
yourusername: thanks for pushing me in the water and insisting on giving me mouth to mouth .... i think it might have been a front to kiss me tho
olliebearman: sue me, i've missed it :(
yourusername: you'll never be without it ever again
olliebearman: yay 🥳 🎉 😀 !!!!!!!!!
user56: why is he such a fucking nerd when his gf tells him she loves him
user57: he's so fucking real
charles_leclerc: FUCKING FINALLY
kimiantonelli: don't pretend you were on the front line old man
charles_leclerc: old man???? i'm 27
kimiantonelli: okay grandpa do you need directions to the nursing home
charles_leclerc: coming at me when fernando exists is a choice
kimiantonelli: i don't see fernando here complaining up a storm ?
fernandoalo_oficial: i am not taking sides here but the one time i have had a full conversation with ollie this season was during the pre-race parade and he spoke about y/n the whole time
yourusername: awwwww that's so cute bear :3
olliebearman: i told you i am obsessed with you
kimiantonelli: you don't say
olliebearman: just because you can't make references to bearnelli being real now
kimiantonelli: it's not real /??????????
yourusername: ???????
user58: just got her boyfriend back and is immediately has to battle his homoerotic situationship with his teammate
yourusername: i will never be free
olliebearman: he's just a funky lil guy babe, it would be rude to leave him out
kimiantonelli: yeah i'll take it!
kimiantonelli
liked by lewishamilton, olliebearman and 731,044 others
tagged: olliebearman, yourusername
kimiantonelli: WAR IS OVER
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user59: the way this man will never let them forget anything about this
user60: i know he's getting his evidence for his best man speech
kimiantonelli: you make a great point
olliebearman: that's a bold assumption that you would be my best man?
kimiantonelli: do not piss me off this morning oliver
yourusername: you can be my man of honour kimi :)
kimiantonelli: score !!!
olliebearman: how did we get here?
yourusername: i am weaponising your homoerotic tension against you
olliebearman: sure, you got me there
user61: are these people ever normal?
user62: nope!
user63: i know the merc and haas PR teams are shaking in their boots
user64: tbf i think haas will be welcoming it - i mean all the y/n fans will probably get the ollie merch next year ?
haasf1team: WE LOVE YOU Y/N 🥰
haasf1team: new wheel guns here we come - thanks y/n fans!
yourusername: thanks for being our lil messenger pigeon for these rough six months, we love you kimi <3
olliebearman: we're so lucky to have someone like you in our lives, forever grateful
kimiantonelli: i know i complained the whole time, i love you guys and i'd go through this weird three way conversation all over again
charles_leclerc: okay now this is all done @yourusername when are you coming to the paddock i have a lot of vinyls for you to sign!
yourusername: you've been very loud throughout this whole situation, why should i?
charles_leclerc: BECAUSE I LOVE YOUR MUSIC
charles_leclerc: and plus i do really want the best for both of you so i let kimi play nice cop
kimiantonelli: you were NOT in on this?
charles_leclerc: YOU'RE WELCOME 😉
olliebearman: let's all smile and wave
yourusername: 😃
kimiantonelli: 😃
yourusername
liked by kimiantonelli, charles_leclerc and 4,298,400 others
tagged: olliebearman
yourusername: i knew you were still the 1 for me x
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user66: back to flexing their love on us again
user67: i am cripplingly lonely but i am so happy for them
user68: honestly i think i've been through this breakup with them i also deserve compensation
yourusername: i only got so many hampers i'm sorry gal
maxverstappen1: is now an okay time to ask for tickets to the tour?
yourusername: yes! i'll grab you at a race and we can discuss what shows you want (spoiler alert it mostly lines up with the f1 calendar)
yourusername: also @charles_leclerc take notes on how to ask for things
maxverstappen1: schooled again bozo @charles_leclerc
charles_leclerc: EXCUSE ME I AM NUMBER 1 Y/N FAN ON THE GRID I AM ALLOWED TO BE INSANE ABOUT HAVING YOU IN THE PADDOCK
olliebearman: .... you're the biggest y/n fan on the grid?
charles_leclerc: you of course don't count
yourusername: you know what? sure! i'm just confused at this point
user69: i think this six month breakup rotted all of our brains at this point
user70: charles being a y/n fan makes a lot of sense tbf
user71: at least he didn't do the corny thing of just pretending his gf is a fan
olliebearman: i did say i'm still holding onto the end of the invisible string
yourusername: and if i told you i never let go either
olliebearman: then i know we were always meant to be
yourusername: ugh i love you
olliebearman: i love you more
kimiantonelli: i love you guys too :D
yourusername: 😭 😭 😭 we love you too kimi
olliebearman: we love you kimi :3
fin.
note: my ass finally finished a draft GOOD LORD and a first one for OLLIE !!!!!!!
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 instagram au#f1 x you#f1#f1 social media au#ollie bearman#ollie bearman x reader#ollie bearman imagine#ollie bearman instagram au#ollie bearman social media au#ollie bearman x you
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🖤Guitar Face || Hozier x Reader🖤
FULL FIC ON TUMBLR AFTER CUT || READ ON AO3
Rating: 18+ - Smut
Tags: Pre-Debut Hozier, vaginal fingering, finger sucking, vaginal sex, teasing, protected sex.
Summary: Andrew teaches you how to play guitar while you both try to ignore the very obvious and overwhelming sexual tension between you.
Word count: 5.4k
A/N: I’m back after a month of not posting (sorry lol) with a long fic to make up for lost time (yay) and to take our minds off of everything, really. When will I post my next fic, you ask? I don’t fucking know man, I’m just vibing. I do have a few ideas that I want to start, including a multichapter fic that will get written someday. Love you all, enjoy this pre-debut hozier fic💙
💙FULL FIC UNDER THE CUT💙
You needed a hobby, urgently. It was your second semester of your first year of university at Trinity College Dublin, and you had yet to find something to occupy your time that wasn’t studying, working, or just doing nothing with the group of friends that, despite your nervous and introverted nature, you had managed to form in your first semester. You were desperate for something new to do, a new skill or pastime to occupy you when all your friends were busy or simply when you felt like doing something other than hanging out with them.
The idea of learning guitar came to you after talking to one of your friends about your newfound need for a hobby, she mentioned that you had a great sense of rhythm and that you already really liked music, so why not pick up an instrument. She didn’t tell you to pick up guitar specifically, but it seemed like a good choice for learning in your spare time, and it’s not like you had the money to buy a keyboard or drums, much less a more classical instrument like a violin, a cello or a harp, and you already knew that you didn’t have the lungs for wind instruments.
You asked around your friend group if anyone had any suggestions for cheap guitars to buy, you got one that was moderately good and within your budget. You started to learn by yourself, the only thing was that you sucked, you barely understood the tutorials you found on youtube and didn’t even know if you were really doing it right, your fingers were sloppy and uncoordinated and you only angered yourself more and more with each note you got wrong. So, after two weeks and a half of frustration, you decided that maybe a guitar teacher wasn’t a bad idea, and that if that didn’t work you’d sell your guitar and pick up photography or something that didn’t require you to use your fingers as much.
It was Friday evening, and some members of Trinity Orchestra were having a small rehearsal/get together, and you knew your friend would be there since she was a pianist in the orchestra, so maybe she could help you learn guitar or at the very least find a teacher. You arrived at the get together when it was almost finished, you didn’t want to interrupt them, even if it wasn’t really a rehearsal, you felt out of place just by being there. Miranda, your friend, spotted you from her bench and beckoned you over to her, she’d been expecting you since you told her earlier that day that you’d go see her at the rehearsal, she was leaning on the closed piano, a half eaten bag of crisps sat on the cover of its keys. “I thought you’d come sooner, you missed the little concert.” She smiled.
“Nah, I’d rather not interrupt.” You smiled back, “anyway, what I wanted to talk about before you ran off today because of your horrible time manage skills-“
“-They’re not that bad, come on.” She pouted playfully, faking indignation.
“Bullshit.” You argued back, trying to hold in a laugh. “Now, do you know how to play guitar?”
“No, just piano, and the organ, kind of. Why?”
“I’ve been trying to learn how to play on my own but I can’t get the hang of it, I need a teacher or something.” You explained, trying to be quiet enough so that no one else would hear.
“Teacher for what?” A masculine voice asked from behind you, making you jump slightly in surprise. You turned around, a lanky guy with dorky glasses and a blonde fringe stood there, looking at you as he tried to guess who you were. “Have we met before?” He finally asked.
“I don’t think so,” you answered, a nervous smile on your face
“I’m Alex,” he smiled back to you, but his smile was more welcoming than anything else. You told him your name, and that you were a friend of Miranda, which prompted her to speak up.
“They’re trying to learn guitar,” she joined in. “Maybe you could help them?”
“Can’t, I’m drowning in coursework already, sorry,” Alex said earnestly, seeming genuinely sorry that he wasn’t able to help you learn how to play.
“Don’t worry about it, I’m sure I’ll find someone to teach me.” You assured him, relaxing a bit more now that you had spoken the slightest bit more to him.
“Andy could help you, though.” A smirk grew on his face, “he’s always looking for an excuse to not do his work.”
“Andrew’s a vocalist though isn’t he?” Miranda chimed in again.
“He does more things apart from singing, you know.” Answered Alex.
“I didn’t know he played guitar though, I’ve never seen him play it.” She argued.
“He does! He’s self taught though, so his has this weird way of playing where he-“
“Sorry, but, who’s Andrew?” You interrupted, needing some clarification as to who they were talking about.
“Right, you don’t know who he is,” Alex chuckled, “he’s that one over there.” He said, pointing over to a group of about five guys all chatting while standing around a table.
“Which one?” You asked, still not knowing who to look at.
“The tall one.” Alex and Miranda said in unison. Your eyes focused on him, a pale, lanky guy with dark, shaggy curls on his head and a 3 day stubble on his face and neck, he was at least half a head taller than the second tallest man in the conversation circle. He was smiling, his cheeks a rosy tone from how much he’d been laughing, his front teeth were slightly crooked from what you could see from a distance, and you noticed a pair of glasses in his left hand as your eyes trailed down his body, you assumed that they were his glasses with how he was holding them so close to his body. He was so cute, you thought to yourself, a bit of a nerd maybe but it’s not like you weren’t into it as well.
“Andy!” Alex’s call broke your train of thought, and maybe that was for the best, who knows where you were going to end up with those. Andrew turned to look at Alex, noticing Miranda sat on her seat, and then you, you could’ve sworn you saw him look you up and down as a small smirk formed on his face. Alex moved his arm to call him over, and he approached without hesitation, quickly walking over to the little group you were in.
Alex introduced you to each other and quickly explained your situation to Andrew, who agreed to teach you. You agreed on payment, how many times a week you’d meet, the whole thing, really, and then you exchanged numbers.
“If you want we can meet up tomorrow and we can start with the basics,” he suggested, putting on his glasses as he put your number in his phone. Fucking hell, he looked adorable with them on, you felt your cheeks heat up as you looked at him.
“Yeah, that’d be good,” you agreed without thinking, “I’ll send you my address and we can meet at my place if you want.”
“Sure,” he looked at you with a small smile. You decided on a time to meet and then went home for the night after saying goodbye to your friend.
You felt a nervous knot in your stomach as you laid down in your bed, the worry of making a fool of yourself in front of a cute guy was catching up on you. You shook those thoughts off, putting on some faint music before finally going to sleep.
You woke up the next day, looking at the clock on your bedside table only to find that it wasn’t actually morning, but past noon, almost 1pm in fact. You got ready for the day and had what could best be described as a big brunch before deciding to clean your apartment before Andrew arrived later in the day, something that you only remembered when you saw a message from him confirming that he had your address right. Why did you agree to this again? You cursed yourself as you cleaned up the small space you lived in, it was an attic converted into a studio apartment that was way too cheap for how big it was, but it’s not like you were going to complain.
Time passed as you finished cleaning your apartment, having just enough time to shower before Andrew arrived. You had just finished dressing up when your phone rang, you picked up to find Andrew on the other side of the line, asking you to open since the doorbell wasn’t working, so, taking your keys in your hand, you ran downstairs to open the front door for him. He was carrying a guitar case and what you assumed was a small amp, he wore a very simple outfit, a shirt and jeans with a brown leather jacket and some old tattered converse, but no glasses. “I like the jacket.” You said while guiding him towards the elevator.
“Thanks,” he smiled shyly, “I brought my electric guitar, I hope you don’t mind, my acoustic one has a broken string and I still need to replace it.”
“It’s fine, mine is electric too.” You smiled back.
You went into your apartment, he commented on the fact that it was a studio, and on the absence of a sofa. “The TV’s over there so I usually just put all my pillows on my bed and use it as a couch.” You explained, pointing out the TV on the wall next to the bed. Andrew laughed to himself, he mumbled something under his breath that you thought sounded like “that’s so fucking cute”. He sat on your bed, taking out his guitar and tuning it without even plugging it in to the amp.
You took out yours, tuning it as well with an app on your phone. You and Andrew talked for a bit, making jokes and breaking the tension before he explained the basics of guitar playing to you. You listened attentively and asked questions about the things you didn’t understand, he was a great teacher so far, and you could honestly listen to him speak for hours, his voice was lovely, no wonder Miranda said he was mainly a vocalist.
The time came to finally plug in the guitars, yours was already plugged to your amp, you just needed to turn it on, which you quickly did while Andrew set up his, he plugged the amp to the wall, grabbing the cable to plug it into his guitar, he wasn’t paying much attention to it though, his mind was somewhere else. While his head was, in fact, pointing down towards the guitar, his eyes were mostly looking up at you through his brows, using his curls as a shield so you wouldn’t notice him staring. His hand faltered, the jack circled the plug it was supposed to go in, making some magnetic noises come from the amplifier, you smiled at his dorkiness, finding it adorable. “Trouble putting it in?” You asked, not fully realising the other possible meaning of the question until it was already out of your mouth, he looked up at you with a quizzical look before you both burst into laughter at the question.
“I’m good, thanks,” he said between laughs, getting the jack into the plug once he finally stopped looking up at you. “‘trouble putting it in,’?” He echoed your words with a lovingly mocking tone, trying not to laugh again.
“I wasn’t thinking!” You tried to defend yourself while suppressing more laughter.
“Clearly,” he giggled.
The real, practical, lesson finally began, you spent the next hour and a half learning to play a couple chords and how to transition between them. It was hell, your hands were oddly shaky and very uncoordinated, so you asked for a break before you threw your guitar out the window. “Tea?” You asked, already thinking about making some for yourself so you could have an excuse to wander your apartment for a bit.
“Sure, I’ll have whatever you have.” Andrew nodded, standing up and stretching a bit and walking over to your bookshelf.
You went over to the kitchenette to put the kettle on, your thoughts wandering to how Andrew looked, he was so pretty, and you were definitely embarrassing yourself with your horrible guitar skills, but he had to have expected that, right? You did tell him that you knew basically nothing about playing guitar after all.
He walked closer to you, leaning on the kitchen island. “You’re not as bad as you told me you’d be yesterday, you know.” He said with a kind look in his eyes.
“I’m not?” You asked as you turned to face him.
“Yeah, I mean, your fingers are a bit uncoordinated and all but that’s just getting the hang of it.” He explained. “You picked up the chords and their positions on the neck of the guitar pretty quickly, though, that’s a good sign.”
“Oh, well that’s good at least,” you chuckled, “I don’t know if I’ll ever get the hang of it, though, I have horrible hand-eye coordination.”
“It can’t be that bad, come on,” he scoffed playfully, walking over to you and almost-sitting on the counter closest to you
“It is.”
“I think your hands are just fine, you just need to practise, and maybe learning guitar will help when you do other things with your hands, it did for me.” He winked, you felt your face heat up.
“What other things?” You tilted your head to the side as you smirked.
“Just… things, you’ll see what I mean.” He chuckled, he pressed his thumb into his palm. His eyes looked you up and down slowly, but you pretended not to notice.
“Oh I’m sure.” You laughed.
The water boiled and you made the tea, you lost the track of time as your conversation went on, it was ever so slightly flirty, just some comments here and there that made you both blush coupled with a few lingering touches. You’d be lying if you said that you didn’t want to do more than just learn guitar with him, but you didn’t want to be too forward, so you waited.
/#/#/#/
You met with Andrew for guitar lessons every other day for the next four weeks, slowly improving on your skill while also getting to know each other more and more, to the point that you’d hang out with him even if you weren’t practising, you’d gone to the pub with him and a few more friends a couple times and would just randomly message each other every so often throughout the day just to check on one another. It was nice, and, even if your crush on him had only gotten stronger as the days passed, you were glad to have a new friend. He was so sweet and just the right amount of dorky nerd that you couldn’t help but love him, you only hoped he felt the same way about you.
It was a Saturday evening, Andrew had been over at your apartment since lunch, you’d started the lesson right after he arrived at 1 and it was now 6:30pm, he’d been teaching you a song, or more so trying to. It wasn’t even a hard one, your hands just were not collaborating today and both you and Andrew were growing increasingly frustrated.
You were standing next to your bed while Andrew sat down on it, the guitar was strapped around you, you were considering making it against the ground in frustration. “You look angry, darling.” He pointed out, his expression unreadable.
“I’m not,” you lied, “just frustrated, I don’t know why I can’t get it right.”
“Maybe your hands are just tired, rest a bit and try again later.” He suggested.
“No.”
“The guitar won’t leave if you stop playing for a second, you know?”
“I just want to get this part right, just to hear how it sounds and then I’ll rest.”
Andrew scoffed, the smallest smirk forming on his face, he rolled his eyes before standing up and walking over to you, his frame towering over yours. “Let’s hear it then.” He ordered.
You swallowed air nervously, slightly intimidated by the combination of his height and the more strict and dominant tone his voice had taken. Your fingers moved on the guitar, clumsily playing the song and restarting it every time you messed up a note. After a few failed attempts, he moved behind you, grabbing the guitar even though it was still on you.
He pushed himself flush against your back, his hands playing the instrument as if you weren’t there. You felt the vibrations of the guitar against your abdomen and his body against your back, and, thanks to your height difference, you could perfectly feel his crotch pressing against your lower back. You felt your face heat up and a few whimpers escaping your mouth as he played, and he was definitely getting a bit into it as well, thrusting his hips into you as the song went on, the worst part was that you weren’t even sure if he was doing it because of the song or to rile you up, but that was the effect it was having anyway.
He stopped playing before he got to the chorus of the song, taking the guitar off you before he finally stepped away. “Heard it. Now, rest.” He instructed, throwing himself back on your makeshift couch.
“What the hell was that?” You asked dumbfounded, a nervous chuckle escaped you.
“Sorry, I just… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, it was weird.” He mumbled, his eyes focusing on your pillows instead of on you.
“I didn’t think it was weird,” you stretched the truth lightly, you had thought it slightly weird when he did that, but you also couldn’t ignore the burning between your thighs and you needed to know if he was feeling the same way you were right now. “You could’ve just taken the guitar off me, though.”
“It wouldn’t have worked, you would’ve gotten mad at me.” He bit his lip to fight back a smirk. “I wasn’t really thinking, anyway, and you said you wanted to hear how it sounded so… yeah.”
Your eyes wandered to his crotch for a second, he looked like he was at least slightly hard. Quickly focusing back on his face, you giggled and threw yourself on the makeshift couch next to him, you laid on your side, looking at Andrew with a small, loving smile on your face.
“What’s the smile for?” He asked, turning to his side so he could face you as well.
“Nothing,” you continued to smile. “It’s just funny that you’re kind of beating yourself up about it when I actually kinda liked it.”
“Oh?” His eyes widened for a second as he scooted closer to you. “And what about it did you like?”
“I like how the guitar felt against me. The vibrations of it, you know? I play so slow that I don’t usually feel them like… that.” You bit your thumb lightly, trying to appear a bit more innocent so he wouldn’t guess what you were really thinking about.
“Yeah, they’re nice,” he looked at your lips as well, then scooted even closer. “Anything else you liked?”
“Well… I liked how you felt… against me.” You admitted, only to see Andrew’s smile widening. His hand moved to your cheek, silently encouraging you to keep going. “I liked how you were thrusting against me, it felt nice.”
“Just nice?” He teased, caressing your cheek.
“It was kinda hot, too.”
“I thought so too, maybe we could do something about it?” He suggested, his hand moving to your hip.
You nodded weakly, your lips parting ever so slightly. Andrew lunged in to kiss you, his mouth crashing against yours as you kissed him back passionately. Slowly he moved to be on top of you as you kissed, his right leg moved between yours, pressing against your core. Your hips moved against his legs, desperate for any kind of release. His tongue darted into your mouth, exploring as it pleased while your hands tangled in his shaggy curls.
You deepened the kiss, it became sloppier and more desperate as the seconds passed by, Andrew pulled back, a string of saliva still connecting your mouths to each other’s. His breathing mirrored yours, ragged and irregular even as you tried to calm down slightly. His glasses were slipping off his nose, so, as one does, you moved your hand from his hair and adjusted them, making him chuckle softly. “I feel like a fucking teenager.” He laughed, leaning in to plant small kisses on your jaw and neck.
“You’re twenty-two, not that far from it.” You teased while quiet moans escaped your lips.
“Shut up.” He laughed, his kisses on your skin turning more demanding. His hands snaked under your shirt, slowly pulling it off you until he could finally throw it on to the floor. He grabbed your breasts, moving his face between them before starting to kiss and lightly bite them, you arched your back into him, more moans escaping you.
“Fuck! Andy… please,” you moaned loudly, he hummed against your chest.
“What is it, baby?” He asked with a wicked smile, looking up at you through the rim of his glasses. You whimpered and rubbed yourself against his leg as a response, making him chuckle once more. “So needy… I’ve been wanting you for a while, let me at least play a little before I ravage you.”
“Play faster, I want you now.” You whined again, pulling him in to kiss him. He happily obliged, kissing you back while his hands made quick work of your jeans.
Your jeans and underwear quickly joined the growing pile of discarded clothing on your floor, leaving you completely bare. Your hands moved from Andrew’s hair as he pulled away from your mouth, instead trailing kisses down your neck and collarbone once more, your touch moved to the hem of his shirt, pulling at the cloth to try and pull it off him already. He quickly caught onto that and pulled his own shirt and undershirt off himself, uncovering his torso. He was still as lanky and thin as he was with clothes on, but he was a bit fuller than you had imagined, the slightest bit of pudge gathering on his abdomen. Your gaze turned him slightly shy, his cheeks reddening as he looked away for a second.
“I know this probably isn’t what you imagined,” he said sheepishly, a nervous tone in his voice, “I’m s-“
“You’re so pretty,” you interrupted him, still staring at his body.
“You really think so?”
“Yeah, I do.” You smiled, your hands grazed his skin. “You’re very hot, too.”
“Flatterer.” He smiled back, leaning in to kiss you again. You felt goosebumps forming on his skin the more you caressed him.
“I would never, I’m only saying what I think.” You kissed him back.
He hummed happily into the kiss, his hand travelling lower and lower on your body until it reached your core. He gently caressed it with two fingers, smiling darkly when he felt just how wet you were. Slowly, he played with your clit, making you whimper and buckle your hips against his hand, silently begging for more. He obliged, moving to push two fingers inside you and making you gasp at the intrusion, he slowly pumped them in and out, his thumb moving to play with your clit.
“Is this something that playing guitar helps with?” You teased while trying to suppress your moans.
Andrew chuckled, his fingers quickening. “Yes, actually.” He kissed along your jaw. “It helps a lot, makes it easier to fuck you.”
You moaned more, holding onto him like a lifeline as he played with you. His lips moved to your neck again, leaving passionate kisses and hickeys as he memorised every inch of your skin. His movements quickened even more, his thumb playing with your clit in a way that made your legs shake slightly, his other hand grabbed your hip, his nails digging into your skin. You felt the all-familiar burning-white desire in your lower abdomen, your whines got more and more high pitched until they were nothing more than needy whimpers.
Andrew chuckled, pulling away from your neck to look at your face as you came undone before him. “That’s it, let go for me,” he whispered softly, his free hand now moving up to brush your hair away from your face. “That’s it, good girl. Let me feel you, baby, please.”
You felt something snap within you at his words, pure pleasure running through you as you came on his fingers, covering them with your essence. He smiled at your blissed out expression, taking it in as he fingered you through your orgasm. Once it subsided he pulled out his fingers and licked them clean as you looked at him, a moan escaping him as he finally tasted you.
“Fuck, you’re delicious, I’m going to fucking devour you next time.” He growled.
“Why not now?” You teased breathlessly, still recovering from your orgasm.
“Because I might explode if I don’t put my dick inside you right now.” He teased back, reaching into his wallet for a condom. “Can I fuck you now, baby? Or do you need to recover a bit more first?”
“Now, please.” You begged without thinking.
Andrew smiled at your eagerness, taking off his pants and underwear to reveal his cock, it was as long as you thought, or hoped, it’d be, somewhere above average that was still enjoyable, but his thickness surprised you, he was wider than you’d imagined. You felt your mouth watering. “You’re staring.” He said firmly, rolling on the condom, “does it scare you?” He asked, his tone a mixture of dominance and genuine concern.
“No.” You smiled, opening your legs more. “I was just a bit surprised.”
“A good surprise, I hope.” He smiled back, grabbing your legs and pulling you closer to him. You chuckled at his words.
“A very good surprise, yeah.”
You reached out to touch him once again, his hands catching yours and pushing them to be above your head. He held them in place with his left hand while his right travelled to your thigh, lifting it ever so slightly as he positioned himself between your legs. His cock brushed lightly against your core, making you both whimper lightly at the feeling, then, slowly, he pushed in. Your gasp matched his moaning, soft and quiet enough that it was almost whispered, he was pushing in slowly, making sure it wasn’t painful for you. He bottomed out after a few more seconds, his movements stopping as he let you get used to his size. He leaned in to kiss you, a slow, loving kiss that had you melting into his touch even more.
You moved your hips after a few kisses, signalling Andrew to move. He happily obliged, slowly thrusting in and out of you. Your moans filled the room, making a symphony with his. “You feel so fucking good, baby, oh my god.” He practically whimpered into your ear, interlocking his fingers with yours. His other hand held tightly onto your thigh, his grip almost bruising as he lost himself in you. You shook your hand free from his, moving it to his hair along with your other hand to pull him in for a kiss, muffling your moans.
“Faster, please.” You begged between kisses, Andrew growled in response, letting go of all his restraint. His pace quickened to a brutal one, pistoning in and out of you without a care in the world. Your hands moved down to his back, your nails leaving scratches as you neared your peak just from the feeling of his cock inside you.
He straightened up, getting a better view of you, completely blissed out and moaning like crazy, sweat making some of your hair stick to your face. His hand caressed your cheek lovingly, his thumb pressing on your mouth to pry it open. “Open up, baby.” He ordered, and you obeyed without hesitation. His thumb moved inside your mouth, pressing on your tongue. “Suck.” He added.
And you did, sucking gently on his thumb as a lopsided smile grew in his face. He whispered soft praises as he fucked you, his thumb thrusting slightly in and out at a gentle pace to contrast the one of his hips.
He moved your leg with his other hand so your ankle would be resting on his shoulder, changing the angle in just the right position so his pubic bone would hit your clit every time he bottomed out. Your moans got louder, or as much as they could since your sucking of his thumb muffled most of the noise. Andrew moaned too, quieter, softer moans that could only be audible between your own, but you loved every single one you could hear. You felt his cock twitch inside you.
You felt yourself getting closer and closer to the edge, your own hand moving to your clit to give you the extra friction you needed. Andrew pulled his thumb out of your mouth and moved it to your clit before you could reach it on your own, flicking it rapidly as he moved your leg off his shoulder so he could lean in to kiss you again. You moaned into his mouth and he moaned into yours, both of you nearing your respective climaxes, his cock twitched more inside you, his thrusting becoming erratic and uncoordinated. You felt the pure, unadulterated ecstasy threatening to explode within you once more, your hands moving once more to Andrew’s hair as he kissed you.
“Come for me, baby, come on, let me hear you again pet.” He moaned, pulling back slightly so he could see your face as you came undone below him. “So fuckin’ pretty, come on, love.”
You came under him not long after, pure pleasure flowing through you as your body shook with your orgasm. But Andrew didn’t stop, chasing his own release as his thrusts became even more irregular than before, and, just as you were starting to feel the overstimulation taking over, he came, releasing his spent into the condom and stopping his movements almost completely, savouring the feeling of your walls around him. He moaned loudly, his head going back slightly as his eyes closed and his jaw slacked, you grinned slightly, recognising his current expression as the same one he did when playing a more upbeat guitar solo.
After a few more seconds, you both calmed down, and Andrew leaned in to kiss you once more, slowly and lovingly this time. You kissed back, your bodies still entangled with each other as you savoured the afterglow of your lovemaking. Carefully, and despite how much neither of you wanted that, he pulled out of you, detaching himself from you so he could take off the condom and throw it out. “I’ll be back in a second, stay put.” He murmured before giving you a quick kiss and walking towards your bathroom.
He came back not long after with a damp washcloth in hand, cleaning you up slightly before helping you sit up on your bed. “I should go to the bathroom,” you pointed out.
“Yeah,” he agreed, “go on, I’ll wait here for you.”
You smiled lovingly, getting up and into the bathroom, coming out of it a few minutes later after refreshing yourself. You found Andrew laying on your bed, having put his boxers back on while you’d been washing up. He smiled at the sight of you, opening his arms for you to cuddle into, and that you did, crawling into your bed and hugging him tight. He played with your hair as you cuddled, talking about random things before you decided to be a bit cheeky. “Did you know you have the exact same face when playing guitar that you do when you cum?”
“Shut up,” he laughed, “…do I really?”
“Yeah.”
“Is it at least a nice face or do I look like an idiot?��� His face reddened ever so slightly.
“I think it’s a very pretty face, just like your normal one.” You assured him honestly.
“Thank god.” He laughed again, holding you tighter to him. “Can I stay the night?” He added, a hint of uncertainty and pleading in his tone.
“You better stay.” You smiled, nuzzling your face into his chest.
Andrew smiled back, burying his face in your hair and taking in your scent.
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never change, man !
#phantom of the paradise#potp#swan potp#nightmaretheater#65 layers and about 24 hours . Eeeyyuppp#Look into my beautiful mind boy#Its a bit unusual to what i usually draw#but i had to push a specific look for this piece#hopefully you all are picking up on the corperate look . the advertisment look#Sneeze. Anyways my point is industry destroys creative people. This includes swan#I feel like phrases like these ; how he was put on a pedistal…. it lead him to be Like That#as awful as he is he desperately needed help#it might seem like vanity on the surface#but i think its… more than that#long story short: we need to destroy the beauty industry. the skincare industry. the anti-aging industry#It ruined his psyche forever and he cant let go of the ideal version of himself he will never truly be again#i dont think he can at this point. hes in too deep and hes suffering for it no matter how much he feels hes fixed his problems#he cant accept a version of himself that isnt that perfect young man. because he never confronted his problems. he just ran away#anyways . Hi swath *punches him**kicks him*#i dont care if nobody gets me lalalalla my truths and headcanons are awesome forever and i live in my own reality lallaallal#sorry i think im gonna be posting about swan alot for a few months hes making me sick#i wass gonna post this earlier but my internet was real bad#*lays down in my pile of pillows* eat up boys. haha#sidenote: drawing white blond people is horrifiying. Boy your skin and hair are the same color. Introduce some contrast to yourself. Please#adding on: its inportant to note this focuses on him looking st himself in the mirror alot on purpouse#to remind himself what he ‘’’’really’’’’ looks like#the 4 middle pannels all represent that too . u have to be in my brain ri get this#sorry for unleashijg another swan essay in my tags. will happen again lol
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Oooo starstruck dee has little stars at the bottom of her feet! Are they just aesthetic or would they make imprints into the ground? (like pawprints)
exactly like that! though she's not the only one...
edit: might need to add some additional dialogue to this to make it more clear, but a clarification in the interim; he knows about his own footprints. he's just surprised to see something similar already there when he knows he's only just landed. he lifts his own shoe to confirm that they're not identical (and also to reveal this to the viewer). seems his stoicism beat off the clarity in this one, sorry 😭
#meta knight#starstruck dee#have had this one sitting around for *months* while i bit my nails on posting it#and then i thought maybe i *shouldn't* during the shipaganza bc it's not a direct prompt; though i do think you can read it that way#and for ~Reasons~ i needed to post this one sooner rather than later so i had to bite the bullet.#though meta knight has understandably been the second most prompted. they do indeed have the Funnest Possible Dynamic for it#stoic guy and the bug eyed little Creature he doesn't really trust as far as he could throw her (long long way)#so just to clarify this one is NOT for the shipaganza but you can read it that way if you want to#this is just a canon scene between them from her storyline. this is just something they canonically share. starry eyed idiots.#also fwiw i think i probably picked up the shoe-patterns for the knights from postitnotes7#been a headcanon in the back of my mind for a long while but i'm pretty sure i osmosis'd it from their work#especially after drawing post's designs so much for the hnkss. i temporarily forgot how i used to draw their armour ngl#and also btw starstruck deetectives psspsps#i'm planning a much better post about this later (probably in march) but i'm going to start using this tag for Important Posts for y'all#🎀🔍#<- for the starstruck deetectives when there's something significant in the post.#i worry about making it 'too easy' but also want stuff to be accessible. it's just for fun? the OC lore game! ARG but it's just my oc.#that would be fun right? maybe? is that too indulgent? i could probably pull it off if folks were actually interested enough to participate#anyway!! go to bed starflung#also if you read this far: anon is open again! still open for shipaganza prompts but i'm not gonna be finished them in february 😂
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L'APPEL DU VIDE
okay so. jack! jack. what a collection of guys. the overlap between jack and the beanstalk and jack the giant killer, though. that sure is something! sometimes king arthur is there, which always takes me by surprise.
this. specifically. is an idea I've been kicking around. jack and the beanstalk is not a story I've ever enjoyed, as a kid it was probably my least favorite to read. as an adult, I was INTENSELY fascinated by reading j.g. ballard's the drowned giant. I think about it frequently, and somewhere during a re read of it, I ended up revisiting jack.
combining different versions of jack into one character is not a new concept, but it IS a fun one! the version I've been assembling together plays less with the fun elements of a jack story (and adjacent folklore stories), and focuses more on the potential for tragic elements with the addition of the usual grim and jagged narrative edges that I personally enjoy.
jack with the backstory of the devil and the three golden hairs, only jack doesn't find love, he's TIRED, all he wants to do is go home, but there isn't a home to go back to. what is the point of being born lucky if this is what it gets you? jack the giant killer, only he doesn't want to kill giants, jack who saw a body of a giant when he was a small child and cannot bring himself to do as a king commands. jack, who climbs up the beanstalk and stops halfway to look down. etc.
to go back to the drowned giant real quick, both to set the tone about jack seeing the body of a giant as a youth, and also because I've been haunted and obsessed with this excerpt of it ever since I read it:
J. G. Ballard, The Drowned Giant
anyway! this was originally like, a two illustration concept to get out of my system. however. I'm halfway through outlining a narrative. so. maybe it will also be several illustrations and also comic.
#original tag#generic medieval tag#WAHOO. alright.#i dont have any additional commentary in the tags. reading the drowned giant years ago Did Something To Me#and it connected with whatever it was that made me dislike the jack and the beanstalk narrative (i know what it is. its just not really#all that relevant to this post. also im tired. its time for bed)#through the power of Why Not. i will now. turn it into a story????#i think. its definitely been taking up a lot of space in my mind lately#the only thing stopping me from turning it into my Side Project to do when i need a break from doing Bad Governance edits#is that. ive run out of notebooks???? to start a new story in. and i am Old and i only outline stuff by hand#eventually i'll get to daiso and pick up some new ones and work on this for real. until then. im going to continue to write about it#in my personal journal where i dump all my thoughts and ideas into
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whole cake island live doodle reaction
#jo catch up on one piece tag#my art#made this 3 days ago forgot to post cause wano is hypnotizing ig. my conclusion to one piece so far is i need to draw everyone hugging. the#all love each others so much. need to draw kid and killer hugging next specifically because MANNN#also if i had to pick a fav episode im thinking 957+some of 958?(im watching the kai version so idk) i just love the geopolitics of it all.#everytime i see those seagulls im so happy because it means stuff is happening and thats so cool. also the animation at morgans' office was#sooooo good. the whole ep really. like everything has consequences on the world thats one of my fav thing about one piece#undescribed
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aerial
#idk if people have figured this out but i draw gundams with their normal body type and then i just give them the sd gundam styled eyes#i think it gives them more personality and makes them look more visually appealing#gundam#gundam wfm#gundam witch from mercury#my art#gundam aerial#sulemio#<- not really but i just need for the post to pick up tags if people are scrolling#also the aerials “thighs” are actually just really big pants
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I've got too many games I want to play and not enough free time 😭 I still need to finish my BG3 playthrough but since Endless Ocean: Luminous came out I've been playing a lot of that instead. Also just got back into Wizard101 last night. Started playing House Flipper again last weekend. Still need to finish BOTW so I can start a TOTK playthrough and finish Pokemon Shield so I can start on Pokemon Violet. I've been fighting off the urge to start up a new Skyrim playthrough for weeks. My brother just told me that Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door is getting ported to the Switch. And now I'm suddenly feeling inspired to replay DAI... And throughout all of this I'm also playing the hell out of DragonVale on my phone. Someone just pay me to play video games all day please
#and before anyone suggests it: no i cant try to get into streaming#the way i play video games is extremely frustrating for other people to watch ahdjsksl#no one is going to give me money for producing a video where i spend two hours checking every barrel in the map while juggling my inventory#and then immediately give up on a puzzle and just sit in silence for 30 minutes while i look up a walkthrough instead#i need a situation that pays me $200 a day just to be autistic at the screen alone in the comfort of my own home#rambling#a few years ago i made it a mission to play all of the dragon age games and dlcs in order and i did not complete it#i got all the way to inquisition before i quit#i had already played it on ps3 but i wanted to replay on my new gaming laptop and unfortunately my computer decided it was too complicated#and also i just wanted to play as an elf again and i was resisting that urge bc i played as an elf the first time and wanted something new#so i didnt connect to my character as much#BUT ive learned a lot about optimizing my games from getting bg3 to run on my computer#so i think i could get it to handle dai now. especially if i upgrade to ssd like ive been wanting#and i just saw a dai post on my dash that made me daydream about possible characters and i was struck with inspiration#when i first played through on ps3 i didnt know anything about da lore. it was my first dragon age game#i was just doing whatever i thought seemed coolest#so i basically modeled my inquisitor after my dnd oc and then just picked a vallaslin i thought was pretty#and then when it came time to pick a specialization i was just like 'i mean my hand has rift magic right? seems obvious enough'#but now i know the LORE. and the dalish really interest me. and i want to make an inquisitor thats their own character#i didnt want to replay another elf mage bc i thought it would be too similar#but at the same time i wanted to re-experience dai (and experience trespasser for the first time) now that i knew more about the dalish#(with mods that fix the annoying bits where your character seems to not know about their own religion of course lol...)#i was thinking about that and i just got hit with some inspiration#instead of 'my dnd character but with a cool tattoo and rift magic and they kinda roll with the inquisitor stuff bc idk whats going on'#what if i made a more intentional character with a much different personality and their own backstory#theyre still the first of their clan but i know what that means now so theyre not really into the herald of andraste stuff#theyre a devotee of falon'din with his vallaslin and fittingly choose necromancy specialization (tho theyre annoyed by all the maker talk)#they can look cool and goth and maybe they even make some different choices about the well of sorrows 👀#i could keep rambling but im running out of tags gah#anyways ive got lots of ideas now and i think the playthrough would be unique enough to be worth it
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(´・ᴗ・ ` )
#Alright lil blog update. Running the reblogs queue again tonight (yay!). Been procrastinating it for like? four months now?#I'm not going to fix the order anymore in a crazy pattern that only I can see. And like the point as always been#“it's only for myself‚ because I like seeing the posts all ordinately lined up ☺️”. But it does start being a problem when.#It actually blocks me from reblogging alltogether. Or makes me end up with 978 posts in the queue and 15584 in the drafts#(lol) (yeah)#Anyways had to write it down publicly because last time I said “screw it I'm not going to post in order anymore”#I lasted exactly one (1) day#Mmmmmmmmhhhhhhhh#I need to make space in the queue so I've set 20 posts in the night / morning for the time being.#Probably going to tag less because again. the posts are piling up. Sorry everyone#So like... After this string of disappointing (and possibly irrelevant?) updates. Feel free to unfollow me etc. etc.#(Mututals included? I really hold no bad feeling I know I post a lot. I don't care about mutualism if we're friends we're friends)#Have a nice day / night!!!#random rambles#Btw for anyone wondering my previous queue lineup was 4 fanarts / 2 other category posts / 4 fanarts / 2 other category posts etc.#(other category could be like. gifsets together. analysis together. textposts of approximately the same length together etc. )#And fanarts had to be coherent between each other for characters / composition / oftentimes color palette#Anyways. Winning over ocd today 💪💪#(I say as I didn't pick this month specifically because the second half of the year starts together with it. Anyways)#ManBreakingChainsMeme.png#Edit: Just remembered this all started because I accidentally hit shuffle queue two or three weeks ago#When it happened I had a mental breakdown and cried for two hours but looking back. Maybe it was really godsent
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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currently cori has the emperors new fists for their mnk weapon bc the whole idea behind mnk cori is estinien was like “you need to learn to throw hands in case you can’t use magic or your gun.” but i’m kind of enamored by the idea of them engineering themself a pair of gloves or aetherically charged brass knuckles or something after enw
#i just like letting cori use any skills she might have picked up from working with stephanivien lol#also i’ve been toying with the idea of cori making rings or bracelets that help collect and channel their aether through their grimoire#and other weapons since they have a hard time with it currently#and i think that would be easier than making something for each weapon? but idk if that would work#i mean i guess technically speaking it’s not really lore compliant anyway so whatever but i like to stick to what i can#anyway i think estinien is like cori this defeats the purpose and cori just makes him a pair and just like the friendship bracelet#he cherishes them forever#also the conversation that exists in my head between them that’s like estinien telling cori he didn’t think it would be permanent when he#said they might not use magic one day he just wanted them to not die if they had to fight and cori’s like well. wistful glance into#the distance. you were right i guess so thank you.#is actually very heartwarming#they’re unexpected besties#i need a text post tag#sorry. i think the less sleep i get the more posts and tags i have to write
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Shoutout to my Monkees mutuals for reminding me about the Monkees and their music; now I'm thinking about how She is such a season 2 Damon talking about Katherine song.
Meanwhile, 1864 Damon is of course firmly Vampire Girl by the Misfits (he would die for her, and he did).
#Damon Salvatore#The Vampire Diaries#Datherine#the Monkees#She#that post defending Auntie Grizelda got me listening to them a little again and first of all She slaps#and second of all Damon is singing it about Katherine. privately of course. but in his heart#Vampire Girl#the Misfits#I like to imagine Damon would be very fond of both of these songs#some people see him as a Taylor Swift fan because he mentions her but he specifically says that he *tolerates* her music to get girls#the only music we canonically know he listens to is Enjoy the Silence by Anberlin and 21 Guns by Green Day. So really he's an emo#well and Ask the Angels by Dead Sara in season 5#I'm trying to think of any other diegetic music Damon chose in some way. but just based on those three I'd say he's a man of taste#and I like to imagine there's some diversity in what he listens to#assigned Monkees fan by way of my tumblr mutuals hehehe#anyways time for my monthly main blog post#idk I need to bring these things more into balance. but ah well here we are#I love how tumblr is just all of our obsessions bumping up against each other and sometimes meshing together#I should reblog with applicable lyrics#some music for my favorite terrible vampire man <3 ;)#update: I was gonna pick some lyrics but nevermind it's really just the whole song#although 'she needs someone to walk on so her feet don't touch the ground' hits in particular#Vampire Girl is pretty lyrically straightforward but it definitely hits human Damon's devotion to her#also I know it's not necessary to italicize song titles but I wanted She to stand out because I feel like if you don't know the song#you might think I just capitalized a random word. so I wanted to be clear#I ramble#even in the tags I ramble
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hm
#ramble tag#more like vent tag but i refuse to have one of those you can just ignore me you are smart#like seriously dont read this unless you really wanna and are snooping#i think there's something wrong with my brain#the executives have really refused to function#or some such nonsense i don't know i am just saying things#if i blame it on a vaguely medical sounding problem i feel less personally responsible about it#its been roughly 4 days#the hours are slipping away like sand through fingers#and i cant Do Anything#its infuriating#i can only Think about all the work i need to do but i Can't Do it#i only have 6 days left probably less i dont know the exact deadline and i have made No progress and i know i just have to Start#but like every time there is a slightest huccup i just get pulled away from the task and oops its dark out now!#and its like i dont even care#i am not sad or scared or angry except i know i should be so its like a ghost of a feeling#i dont want to die and dont want to live if i could i would just sit and read or even just think alone with my mind for a week straight#after i post this i will open the document pull out the tablet and start again i need to Start#aughhhh#how am i even an adult human person#this cant be how real human people live nothing would ever get done and we would starve to death#people here like to say that ooh 20 is not an adult that doesn't count but like#if i was less of a dumbass i would be living if not on my own then not with my parents#and i cant imagine surviving like that#that might be part of why that didn't happen#i am straight up just not an independent person right now#i have been avoiding booking an appointment to cut my hair for half a month#and avoiding scheduling to pick up the piercings I Wanted for 2! maybe 3! i dont know anymore!#okay this ends here#not the moping the tags
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I left some tops of plants I had let go to seed (a couple different lettuces, radishes, and mustard greens) that I harvested to save seeds from in open paper shopping bags outside to give the bugs that were on them time to skedaddle before I brought them inside to pick all the seeds out to save them but yknow... ADHD, out of sight out of mind lol so I forgot about them for a few weeks and sure all the aphids and squash bugs left, but in that time a bunch of tiny little spiders moved in. Which is still better tbh (I'm honestly fine with spiders especially little ones but I absolutely DETEST squash bugs, and the aphids I just don't want to spread to my indoor plants) but also inconvenient. Guess I will be wearing gloves while I seed harvest and doing my seed harvesting sitting outside instead of inside.
#i spent most of yesterday collecting seeds to save too#but from my basil plants in my herb garden out front#i read that basil seeds were easy to collect because you just rub them between your fingers#and the seeds fall out and then you can easily blow away the chaff to separate it from the seeds#I DID NOT FIND THIS TO BE TRUE#i mean sure in theory its easy but when you have a pile of HUNDREDS of tiny little flowers that you have to do that to it is not easy lol#and i cant do more than one or two at a time because i dont have enough finger strength to rub them apart well if i do more than that#so i was picking one or two flowers off at a time to get 3-4 seeds to fall out from each of them and then trying to carefully separate them#which is also not as easy as people make it seem because those seeds are teeny tiny and barely weigh more than the chaff does#sat in the kitchen on my stool doing that for like two hours yesterday#only got 1/3 of the way through the flowers i collected from ONE JUST ONE of my chinese sweet basil plants#and i still have flowers from two mammolo basils and another two chinese sweet basils and a thai holy basil and a thai sweet basil to do#i did get like hundreds of seeds from that little bit of chinese sweet basil i did yesterday though so like#safe to say i will never need to buy basil seeds again lol#which is nice esp for the thai holy and chinese sweet basil because those seeds were kinda pricey#'pricey' for seeds being 50 seeds in a $3 packet lol which is not a lot on its own but when you're ordering like 50 packets of seeds#all around that price or a little bit more ($3-$5) that adds up quick#hence why i am doing so much seed collecting this year to minimize rebuying next year#also to see what hybrids i get since i did not keep everything separated to avoid cross pollination intentionally#esp the pumpkins i really want to see what i get from those seeds if they got cross pollinated#rambling in the tags again whoops my adhd meds kicked in an now i cant stop typing or talking lol#did you know theres a tag limit? like it will let you keep adding tags but after some point they stop showing up after you post?#learned that thanks to adhd med related tag rambling on my other blog a while ago lol
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i am severely upset at the sexyman polls for this year. yeah its absolutely because im biased and not a single one of the mtt won. but killer vs error is still going on you say!!! NO,,,,, killer's lost,,,,, its 70 error 30 killerISH so yeah,,,,, none of the mtt MADE!!!! IT!!!! and with the boom in killer content these past few months i wasSO FUCKING SURE that he'd like AT LEAST get higher up. nope. because of ERROR. listen i like him. he was my og bias when i first joined this fandom. i was an error fanatic. but bro,,,,, bro,,,,,,,,, killer,,,,, lost,,,,,, AND FUCKING HORROR AND DUST LOST TOO!!!! LIKE WHAY. WHAT. PUTTING HORROT AGAINST ERROR AND DUST AGAINST CROSS!!!! THEYRE LITERALLY BOTH THE TWO GUYS THAT (1/2 of them) WON LAAT YEAR!!!! OF COURSE THEYRE GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE MTT!!!!! this is very upseting im really sad imMAD. but no point in being a sore loser.... mtt won in my HEART 🧡
dust laughing at both horror and killer for getting the shit beaten out of them by error and then they bring up the fact that he lost to CROSS. this is the second time someone in the mtt lost to cross (theyre all making out in the loser's room) (mtt poly real btw)
#sexyman polls but instead its all just mtt and peoples' aus and varients#i COULD NOT be able to vote. it would be hell for me WHO WOULD I CHOOSE#i CAN'T choose dude i literally wouldn't be able to at all#do i vote for og mtt my pookies??? or jk mtt my besties???? or mst my children????? WHO DO I VOTE FOR#i think i would be biased to the murder swap trio. i haven't mad any content for them at all but like#i spent my TIME and EFFORT into them. and they are cool ngl i really like their concepts#too bad swapinverse isnt seeing the light of day until goddamn 2026 or something because i cant be bothered to make content of it#oops! savior mania paranoia you guys are JUST FOR ME. just me only! nobody else gets to see you guys#or literally anyone else in swapinverse.... i love swapinverse.#they need to make the tag limit like 60 or something i have too many thoughts#quite a few too many times on my posts have i hit the limit and then had to choose#my tags trembling in fear as i pick and choose which to delete in order to make space for the fandom tags#tricule rant#i still have more tags time toRAMBLE!!! i love the idea of dust and horror having opposite ish souls#like dust's soul is PACKED with magic. like crackling and sparking and glowing purple with just how much he has in there bc of his LV stuff#i dont believe in the idea that dust suffers physically from LV or whatever because like. when has that EVER happened#its a cool idea though and i get to pick and choose which headcanons i believe in as god of these fictional characters and creations#anyways OBVIOUSLY horror's soul is dim and shriveled and looks like a fucking dead leaf. because lack of food lack of magic#even though he very clearly DOES have a lot of magic and shows it multiple times in horrortale.....#ok triglycercule you keep contradicting yourself. stop it. BUT THERES TOO MANY MTT HCS OUT THERE!!! AND SOME OF THIS IS CANON!!!!!#god the mttverse is gonna kill me one day too many interpretations TOO MANY CHOICES#anyways i just like that soul idea bc of the contrast. dust too much magic horror not enough. horrordust real#and then killer pulls up with his yn main character ass unique soul with stages#the GET OUT sound effect plays. anyways they all love eachothers souls and unique differences in them#everyday im reminded of the fact that killer is a little. just an EENSY bit more of a special character that horror or dust#he has too much shit going on someone assassinate him. preferably two fellas with names starting with H and D alternatively M#i love coming up with various sayings to kill/shut myself up. someone sedate me#i just remembered this dream where i say to my friend i hope ___ gets into a sticky situation#and then ___ goes into a bathroom comes out and then someone else says ___ WHY ARE YOU ALL STICKY#it was so funny i laughed myself awake. it was SO funny. i saw this person in school today
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For some reason, this round of meds (same dose and everything as last time) is making me have very violent Realisations and Remembering Things moments. And by that I mean the Thing I Forgot and/or the Realisations show up with a bat and see how hard they can make my brain hit the wall. So anyway.
YOU GUYS REMEMBER SPIKE THE WETFLOOR BOT??? YOU GUYS REMEMBER HER??? THE FIRST FAZBEAR ANIMATRONIC TO BE BORN FROM LOVE INSTEAD OF PAIN??? YOU REMEMBER HER???
CAUSE I JUST DID
#SPPIIIIKKKEEEEEE I MISS YOOOUUUU#I love spike. spike the wet floor bot is my favourite. I miss her I should bring her back somehow#the first animatronic to gain sentience and awareness out of LOVE and CARE#I miss her we need to bring her back. I never made a visual design but I definitely posted some descriptions of her pretty sure#a wet floor bot... a little wonky and a little off colour. holes in it's damaged and dented casing patched up with scrap#never the same colour. always different#stickers and magnets and a lil bit of spray paint. part of an ear missing and crooked#has one of roxy's spiked bracelets around her neck with a keyring dangling from it like a tag...#she picked her own name and pronouns... doesn't really understand what they are and what they mean but she wants them#in one AU she was Roxy's little distraction. something to work on and repair while the others search the rubble of the plex for-#their friends. In another Roxy repaired her for fun unknowingly after Vanny had used her as a test subject for the virus#in another one post-ruin roxy and cassie were searching the plex for an easy animatronic for roxy to repair so cassie's dad could-#test what she'd learned about repairing them from him and found a salvageable wet floor bot#that they then wrapped in tarp and put in a shopping trolley to take her straight home and get to work on her much to the-#confusion of literally everyone as they barrel down the halls of flats with an unidentified tarp blob in a stolen shopping trolley#<- that one's Meteors AU btw. Roxy got turned into a Real Boy by the Meteor and is now living with Cassie as her adopted sister#this is just the kind of shit these two get up to all the time and no one knows who's meant to be the braincell between them because well#they keep taking turns on who the older sibling is. they keep changing it. the eldest sibling is based entirely on the situation lmao#who's bright idea was it to steal a wet floor bot? WHO KNOWS!! Cassie said 'pick an animatronic!' so they did that's all there is to it!#cassie's dad just. head in hands. as he realises. the fucking wet floor sign on wheels is sentient now.#why. why and how. terrified of the wrath of Fazbear if they find out. while she's just. trundling about.#wheels on carpet floor style. struggling but getting there. happy beeps as she pushes a ball around on the floor. living her best life.#sfdsfdsfs I fucking LOVE Spike okay I miss her I need to bring her back somehow#I could give her to mangle or sprocket in robot hell but I'm not doing much with that right now#sdhfdfsfs Chica's recipe zine starring Spike!! and every image of her is just confusion#'see? even Spike likes bananas!' Chica says as she puts one on the floor so Spike can very happily run it over.#dfsdfsds love Spike. Spike enrichment is now running random foods over because she can. and also the wheels off a toy monster truck#so she can be an ALL TERRAIN wet floor bot. make them gecko wheels like DJ's hands and she's got everyone beat lmao#she can be DJ's Uppies Buddy!!#lmao Spike I'm so sorry I've left you in the dark for so long I'm bringing you back. beloved guy of all time
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