#<- not explicitly but thats the intention.

[greenwingss]

tried to amek something. gave up. 😔

[daily-basil]

Question is your basil transfem?

Not all the time but sometimes. She could be :)

[kraviolis]

as i get older and continue to exist online i cant help but question why so many adults got into arguments with me over fandom bullshit when i was a teenager, and yet i also completely understand why they did.

[cybergoth-damsel]

This is so good

"How To Be That Girl" // Ryoko Kui

[edlucavalden]

Man one of the most important things to me in dunmesh is when kabru cuts down mithrun's story to be more digestable

Not only does he cut things out to make it more coherent, but he also cuts out the personal parts

it shows that kabru not only listened to him but empathized with him to know that he was being unnecessarily vunerable for his own good. And by doing so, he gives mithrun something that makes you human, back; his privacy

He understood him enough to know which parts were personal and which parts should be said. Twisting it enough so that mithrun can get the benefits of opening up while also keeping things private. You dont need to say everything in order for them to understand. It's ok to protect yourself.

Kabru really didn't need to do that. He really didn't. He was only given the role to take care of Mithrun, if anything — he'd benefit when mithrun would dump everything to him, but he chose to be more. Him helping mithrun wasn't one out of responsibility or obligation but one of choice. This subtle act is proof of that.

People who love you take care of you. even when you dont ask for it, even if they didn't need to. They do it because they want to, and they choose to take care of you. Thats whats so important to me

I love the meta touch to this too. While thistle's and Marcielle's intentions for being the dungeon lord (and by proxy, their personal motivations) were explained in the narrative in detail.—

Mithrun didn't. His fears, wants, insecurities are never explicitly said to us the audience throughout the entire story, even in the extras. (The only reason we were able to understand is bc of subtle hints and context)

The scene where Mithrun fully opens up. It cuts to Kabru's thoughts and starts talking over his monologe, only leaving the parts we need to know. This is the narrative's way of respecting mithrun's privacy. And by proxy, the audience respecting mithrun's privacy. Again, the narrative couldve easily gone more in depth, it couldve shown more—it will change literally nothing. But it chooses to do that instead.

We arent immune to boundries just because we are an omniscient reader. Courtesy is not conditional.

Which is really telling when you realize the most direct personal information we receive out of mithrun was from the information page about the winged lion

How violating...

[mylols16]

not people calling deadpool and wolverine queerbait im begging yall to learn what queerbaiting is. like why is it that straight characters can have romantic subtext and thats all well and good but the minute gay characters have romantic subtext everyone gets out their pitchforks and starts screaming about queerbait. queercoding and queerbaiting are not the same people! i feel the fact that a song about going down on someone plays while the two protagonists hold hands to save the world should be evidence enough that the gayness was at least a little bit intentional. if you want to be mad about the movie not being gay enough thats fine but i keep seeing people praise venom as gay rep when it also doesn't explicitly state the two characters gayness or romantic interest (i love venom btw don't come for me). just can we stop the arguing and enjoy a fun movie please

[rats-and-robots]

I don't know if anyone has responded to you directly about this, but I'd at least like to give you my thoughts after reading your reply;

No, you're not always supposed to relate to characters. No, you're not always supposed to sympathize and empathize with them. There is no 'supposed to'. There is no wrong way to engage with media, so long as another living being is not harmed. Fiction has no rules. It is fake.

However!

That doesn't make you bad or 'insane' for caring 'too much' as you said in your tags. Your view on fiction is just as normal as someone who views characters as nothing but objects. I absolutely have characters for whom I feel insanely attached to. That I've categorized so deeply in my head that I have trouble reading or consuming fan-made stuff of them that isn't the same. I think 'that's not him! he wouldn't do that!' etc.

You are allowed to feel put off by the whump and darkfic written of characters you feel deeply about. You are allowed to dislike a form of media or a way someone portrays a character. You are allowed to say 'I don't like this'. What you feel about seeing dark fiction is as morally neutral as the feelings of those who wrote it. You are not bad for not wanting to see it.

As long as you recognize and understand that the real person behind that work of fiction is not bad for writing it either, you are not doing anything wrong.

Not understanding how people are able to engage with media differently isn't something you need to worry about. That's just not something you need to concern yourself with. You don't have to understand to recognize that it happens and that there's no moral weight to it.

I really think everyone needs to truly internalize this:

Fictional characters are objects.

They are not people. You cannot "objectify" them, because they have no personhood to be deprived of. They have no humanity to be erased. You cannot "disrespect" them, because they are not real.

[zan0tix]

Hi tumblr user Zan0tix, I have to say that I love that you draw Jake as big and hairy AND fem. It's such a rare combination outside of mean-spirited caricatures, every time I see your Jake I get a big smile on my face. :)

Hi tumblr user HermitCyclop ^u^ here is a jake drawing for you 🫶

The transmisogynistic demonisation of these features is so maddening!!! I agree! Im glad that the intent (appreciating these features) of my jake design reaches you c:

GOING TO PUT IT UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. But jake english gender meta because i think about it Too Much and am taking this as an excuse to infodump abt it. 😁

The alpha kids and their specific defiance of both homestucks gendered narrative AND real life societal expectations are so fun to think about to me!! but since we are talking about jake, his specific defiance of both homestucks models of masculinity and femininity in the context of his queerness is like the reason he is my fav character.

He props himself up that he wants to be the adventure "hero" in the homestuck sense (the hardheaded blue femme fatale) and the western media sense (the hardheaded action man) yet whenever pressed to actually act on what he says he always refuses or obfuscates. Because really what he wants is to just be himself! I really love the alpha kids because they all just want to be Themselves, not be restricted and defined by what is expected of them, (all the characters have this but the alphas particularly really hammer this home for me)

The heavy emphasis on their beta selves, the heteronormative archetypes they embodied and what went wrong in their lives that manifest as fears in their alpha selves... im always thinking about it. How differently society affects queer ppls choices in life and then the fact that they all get a second chance and getting to watch them live out that second chance and realize their queerness and them all caring so much abt eachother and wanting to aspire to be better FOR the ones they love!!!!!! it always tugs at my heart strings to ponder😢😢

IM SO GOOD AT GOING ON TANGENTS MY BAD but basically. The alpha kids explicit queerness and how despite the comic itself protesting, they are all shown to be deserving of love (of all kinds) And as a person who super heavily relates to jake, his experience with his own identity (and dirks unending adoration and love for him and likewise jakes belief and admiration of dirk) serves to me as a reminder that yknow! We are all worthy of love!! Even if we dont think ourselves to be (this is just the message of shrek.) and there is always hope to be found in things improving!!!!

But in a text thats explicitly queer and not shy about letting its queer characters do wrong in realistic ways i think this message is incredibly powerful and certainly one of the best things about the comic in my eyes. And i love embracing that in my art of the characters! Drawing queer (but here specifically trans) characters all getting to be proud of themselves and their appearances makes me feel proud of myself alongside them and I think its wonderful to be able appreciate other trans peoples experiences and looks through it too!!

I specifically in homestuck fandom dont really see anybody but twinks (usually dirk or eridan LMFAO) portrayed to be fem in any manner 😢 when jake is the most explicitly feminine man in the comic. (I think the transmisogyny thats kind of rampant in this fandom means people dont want to consider those outside conventional attractiveness being feminine or transfem identities outside binary transwomen if even that😭😭) I am being the change i wana see in the world 🙏 The amount of transfem fat gay bear jake in the world increases by one every time i post

[freakenomenon]

wooly crash-outs are so much scarier than amanda crash-outs to me. like genuinely within the context of amandas entire emotional turmoil and what shes been going through for 20+ YEARS stuck with the instincts , emotional coping skills and developmental strengths of a traumatized 8 year old , her getting angry is only scary to me because we know what shes capable of when shes upset. not because she has explicitly malicious intentions. shes a child who doesn't know her own strength.

WOOLY HOWEVER.

almost nothing is confirmed about him, nothing is set and stone with him. and ( at least in the sequel ) even the slightest slip of script , does not sit well with him. not to mention that , while amanda herself openly states that she doesn't find him scary. the ENTITY is scared of an object that merely RESEMBLES him. while i don't think wooly is some big scary bully who is intentionally going out of his way to make himself appear bigger as a defense mechanism like amanda is. one thing i do think is very interesting is the fact that , amanda is never afraid announce her annoyance , frustration and downright RAGE towards the viewer when they fuck with her patience. while wooly , immediately masks his anger the moment it slips out. filtering it, and or channeling it as some kind of "this is whats best for you!" scolding. which is more terrifying to me , simply because. it also seems like he's not used to amanda not listening to him. everytime shes ever truly lashed out at him when hes trying to keep her in line, hes shocked. almost offended. and at the very most. hurt

and we've never seen him GENUINELY fed up until the storytime tape, where he was likely forced to keep it together because there was an audience. or at least someone to call out his bullshit.

something thats also noteworthy is that wooly. is not good at his job. or at least what the majority thinks his job is. hes very obviously there to keep some kind of eye on amanda. but from what it looks like he can't properly put his foot down anymore because his ( and amanda's ) emotions for the past 20 years are all coming to a gruesome bubbly front. hes always had this attitude of genuinely caring for amanda at some points , but also caring way too much about the show for it to actually be helpful. and when all of that frustration comes to a head I DO NOT WANNA BE HERE FOR IT.

holy mother of yap this is long. TLDR ; wooly is a very interesting and dynamic character and you lot would have so much more fun if you actually looked at him from a less black and white perspective and realized he can ..not be a good person while also having motivations and reasons as to why he is the way he is.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

forreal tho the whole Point of durarara as a work of art is thhat nobody is wholly good (obviously) OR wholly bad, people are complicated and their relationships with each other and the world are complicated as well

izaya as the closest thing to an antagonist the series has, ALSO serves as mikado's foil- he's the bad end to mikado's story, explicitly becoming that way because he had no true friends- shinra only cared about celty and his parents were never around and thats kind of all he had. he was a young boy with clear mental problems, to the point where his father instilled that people love into him in order to prevent a worse outcome and help him be more normal. the way this is framed, as a young boy exhibiting a concerning disconnect from other people to a point where it scares a usually neglectful father into acting- is very reminiscent of media depictions (and real life examples) of parents worrying that their child is a sociopath. this could very well have been intentional, and narita EXPLICITLY makes a POINT to state that izaya is the way that he is because he has a fragile heart- any sort of genuine effection and a betrayal of it could shatter him. i really dont think the takeaway here was "lolllll hes suchhh a loser" OR "omggg hes so scary hes iredeemable." it's another piece of the central theme that humans are nuanced and messy and conplicated and oftentimes in very unglamorous ways that make them unsympathetic to most people. durarara AS A SHOW is about shining a light onto these people and inviting the viewer to sympathize with them, and if someone doesnt get that and is just disgusted by most of the characters then durarara is not the show for them

also vis a vis izaya and mikado being foils- the reason mikado got a happy ending was because of his friends- because of the connections he has with other people. izaya did not have those connections, hence his own instability drove him farther and farther down into a death spiral that culminated in his CRIPPLING, a major loss of freedom from someone who valued it so much, and i'm saying that as a disabled person

anyway yeah

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

cw for the most longwinded and insane discussion of psuedocest and caleb and mcs relationship in lds.

MY THOUGHTS ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE !!!!!!!!!!!!! but for now...

MAJOR CW FOR PSUEDOCEST AND SPOILERS FOR CALEB CARDS

like. not only is caleb being a siscon integral to his characterization - it also crucial to understanding what is actually going on in their dynamic because when you remove the familial context (and, in turn, remove calebs sole reason for being KJDSHJDS) none of the conflict of the story will feel meaningful or make any sense

calebs and mcs relationship is run of the mill traumatized sibling codependency. the amount and the extent in which the both of them emotionally rely on each other is reinforced in the myth where it affirms that caleb is basically fucking winter solider and that if mc had the chip in her she would end up with a similar obsession about protecting him.

but caleb has harbored a stronger desire for her since forever.

and MORE than that , i do not think his desire for her genuinely conflicts with his interest in acting as her older brother.

so much of the conflict caleb experiences is about wanting to maintain the image of protection and strength in order to make sure mc never feels completely out of depth and keep himself as a safe space in her life. he makes a promise in her bond as to not restrain her. his priority has always and will always be her family. acting as her dependable gege is something caleb goes to great lengths to do

this is proven again by their hidden waves card where he doesnt want mc to see him sick. he cant be sick, cant show weakness. because he wants her to continue to depend on him for as long as they are live. he wants to continue to be the person she relies on.

the distorted nature of their relationship exists because for calebs desire to monopolize mc and continue acting like her gege are not at odds INTERNALLY. rather, he is under the correct impression that expressing that to mc would alter her already fragile connection and feelings about family.

WHICH IS WHY THE CONVERSATION THEY HAVE IN THE MAIN STORY CAPTIVE BIRD - WHERE CALEB EXPLICITLY SAYS THAT IT WAS MCS MISTAKE TO THINK HE WOULD KEEP ACTING AS HER GOOD OLDER BROTHER IS SOOO DKJFHSJD !!!

thank you mao for the translations on that for affirming the psuedocest in it AND the tragedy in it.

based on all of that and the way i see it - i think the underlying sexual tension is probably something that has existed in their relationship for a long time. something that mc has probably felt but somewhat willfully chosen to overlook or acknowledge because of what it would mean . to what capacity she has understood it is imo still up for debate

TO ME........ i think this is about a willingness to the accept that distortion. the intentional cruelty in deying to mc that he was ever gege in the first place. i do think that this is of course partially because of his frustration over his feelings but also a way for him to make mc confront their relationship more head on. mc sees it a denial of their bond and i think this will require resolving at some point

but because i think caleb knows even better than mc that mc could accept A LOT from caleb simply because of who he is to her. but its not what he wants. he wants HER as she is. to have all of her.

to act as both. to be everything to her she is to him. in order to do that, i think he probably first intends to make mc conscious of him this way. forcefully because its the only way she'll really get it and come to him of her own volition and accept what has probably existed between them for a long time

i think this is also an act of mercy on calebs behalf. because i think it would genuinely be easy for him to get what he wants out of mc on the guise of acting as her brother only. i think it is knowing that he chooses not to do that and instead goes so forcefully in making her aware of him and his desires. i know that sounds insane but for now thats how i see it.

its a matter of caleb wanting to be both her gege and everything inbetween. above and below.

SORRY AND I AM INSANE .

[eseongsubs]

PDA | Lee Heeseung

word count: 1,078

format: drabble

a/n: I gave into those ugly fanfiction tumblr headers you guys…i’m so sorry to be assaulting your eyes with this basicness. I will be learning how to make headers for my series’ and plotted stories so you don’t have to stare at these nuisances. Anyway, I decided to start writing when I had an idea rather than when I want because I have the goal of being a more productive writer. I didn’t even want to write this, but I forced myself to because I know that sub!idol tumbler is sorrowfully dry, so. Enjoy. If you’ve got any requests or thirsts i will answer them. Like i said. I’m “Inspired.”

note: reader’s gender is not stated, implicitly or explicitly.

warnings: explicit cumshot, public blowjob…, sub!heeseung, dom!reader, uhmm thats it honestly.

Heeseung is not a “bad boy” by any means. Specifically, blowjobs in public have never been Lee's forte. He paints his nails black, sometimes, and he likes to wear a dark graphic tee with a silver chain every now and then, but, thats because it looks cool. And you always teased him for his sense of grandeur. No, Heeseung was a thoughtful man with a particular kindness and generosity that one can only learn. He doesn't have the guts, really, to be a “bad boy,” do the things "bad boys" do, only the foresight to be a well behaved one. He likes rewards, he likes praise, and he enjoys positive reinforcement. Negative talk makes him respond negatively, like a sorrowful golden pothos house plant. He needs sweet talk to keep him green and flourishing.

With that being said, today was an interesting mix of occurences that lead to your contemporary circumstances. 

You like the way that Heeseung’s long dancer legs tremble under your palms as you steady him, keeping him afloat amid the rolling waves of pleasure threatening him to collapse to the tiled restroom floor. His black skinny jeans slide down toward mid thigh, in a way that forces Hee to rear his butt off the bathroom wall, his dick in your awaiting mouth. It wasn’t tireless work, but rather a spur-of-the-moment decision you made out of your own curious lust. An inquisitive test to see just how much your boyfriend would let you get away with. 

“Ooh…” A curling pout expresses your heeseung’s pleasure across his face, as wobbly in stature as his thighs are, trying to hold his composure steady for you, not alert any outside passersby as to what was occurring inside this little single-person family bathroom. “Feels…feels really good” Heeseung concedes, his pink nose from the cold winter temperatures sniveling, his beanie slipping off toward the left direction of his head – your right – revealing the fluffy and mussed black shimmer of his hair. His praise is unprompted, so you smile, pulling off of his shaft and stroking it with an entire glove-clad palm. Hee’s hips twitch upward. 

“Why thank you, sweetheart. That’s so nice.” The ennuncuiation of your last two words was devastatingly intentional. Heeseung’s whole body shudders. He loves to feel like a sweet man for you. The praise sinks in deep to his skin, like a needle. You lave your tongue over his tip again, not taking him fully into your mouth this time just to watch him squirm, build up the peak in his balls already beginning to squeeze to completion. 

Like you said, Heeseung wasn’t one for public…service. He was too respectful, and a bit too believing in the rhetoric of “obedience in advance.” Conform to the wants of others, or any institution, and you will escape punishment, if you’re good enough. Unfortunately, that logic wasn’t real. Not with you, when you punish Heeseung for your own enjoyment, twisting his actions and behaviours into an excuse to watch him squirm under your cruelty, and not with the law either. But today, your boyfriend had been a bit too caught up in your lips, and pathetically eager to please. He followed your word like Mogli under the trance of that snake, in Jungle Book. Yes master, no master, I’ll do anything you say, master. Quite the perfect storm. 

“Oh– ngh…Oh! N-no, no…” you ignored Heeseung’s mutterings to himself. His head, shifting back-and-forth, pushing his hat further off of his head. His obedient hands, attempting with fail to grip onto the tile walls, squeezing into defeated fists. Your lips wrap about his tip, finally, sucking with little force, before sliding down his cock further and driving gratified whimpers from your Hee’s mouth. Whimpers that interrupt the low mewls he has already been unable to cage away. You push-and-pull your tongue on the underside of his cock with each stroke. One of Heeseung’s hands tug at the fingers of your right arm, interlacing yours with his as a surprised moan slips from you, replaced with a satisfied hum. Not a “bad boy” bone in his polite body. 

Another surprise sneaks up on you as Heeseung whispers, trying his absolute best not to shout. “I’m cumming!” Hee weeps, grabbing your hair with his second unoccupied hand as his pleasure converges into a delightful sight, yanking you off of his dick. First, his stomach tenses, then his balls, then the abused tip of his cock throbs as he releases string after string across the bathroom floor, your hair, cheeks, nose, and lips. Some even lands on your eyelashes, as his grippable hips surge forward in a euphoric blaze. Heeseung’s eyes don’t squeeze shut all the way, just into pretty little crescents, so he can watch with effort as he showers you in his release. You, on your knees, before him. “Oh god, I’m cumming…” he pules weakly again, his final droplets of spunk dripping from his defiled tip. You grin again. 

“Couldn’t wait?” you inquire, Heeseung’s head fallen completely forward as his muscles spasm, still swimming in pleasure and the aftermath of it. His beanie makes the quietest, softest plat as it hits the ground, like a sewing needle hitting the floor makes a soft clang. 

“I’m so sorry” Heeseung’s hand holding yours shakes in your embrace, his other hand relenting its hold on your hair. “I didn’t…I didn’t want to cum in your mouth without permission.”

You ignore, of course, that he could have subsided from cumming at all without permission. But, Heeseung didn’t like to cum in public, so, you decided it could be his reward. 

“Don’t be sorry, baby. You did a really good job.” Your lips meet Hee’s knee with a smooch, patting your mark with a frsiky grin. “Now lets get me cleaned up.” 

[disgracedaantt]

yellowjackets s3 ep3 theory

ok so I havent seen anyone point this out yet, but im pretty sure the girls are still starving? this ties in with the whole yellow filter theory (is there a actual name for that btw?) Because I think things aren't what they seem!!!

(spoilers for s3 ahead be warned)

so, we're shown in episode 1 that the girls have set up a functional animal farm AND we're told by Gen that there is plenty of deer to be hunted. this, along with the fact that they are willing to expend a lot of energy and time playing games like capture the bone and have a fairly extravagant feast implies that the girls (and travis) are all doing well in terms of food. however, in both episodes 1 and 3 we are shown evidence that directly contrasts this idea!!!

first example happens with Coach Ben in episode 1 when he comes across the food stash. we know that out of everyone he has probably been showing the most thruthful version of the wilderness (see the Jackie feast scene). so, right before he finds the pit we're shown an empty rabbit(?) trap that he resets. this on its own doesn't necessarily mean anything other than he got unlucky, but we've also been repeatedly shown since season 1 (when he taught the girls how to hunt and field dress animals) that he's got a good grasp on outdoor survival even with his missing leg. i dont think we see him catch or find any food during that whole sequence until he finds the food stash, which is a bit odd considering that according to the girls there is plenty of food to be found, which ties into my second point: Akilah's hallucination.

immediately after finding the berry bushes in her hallucination sequence she begins eating them incredibly fast and almost aggressively (like shes STARVING), when within the girls own reasoning there should be no reason for her to react so manically. we are told explicitly in episode 2 by Nat that there are plenty of berry bushes in multiple different areas (one of which being where we know Coach Ben is, so shouldn't he, an experienced outdoorsman, have been able to locate some, hm?). so we can deduce that akilahs reaction probably isnt just excitement at having fresh fruit! she was also one of the girls who were being served food at the feast, so we know that she just had access to a fair amount of food in the last day or so, so there shouldnt be any reason for to be as hungry as she seems

those are my main 2 examples of the fact that there doesnt seem to be nearly as much food as the girls are saying there is, but id also like to point out the fact that Mari ate a fucking bat? like it was likely just part of the ruse to get the bear spray from Coach Ben, but also thats one hell of a risk for her to take considering that bats are well known (even in the 90s) carriers of rabies. and while shes not the sharpest tool in the shed, she has shown that shes intelligent enough to trick both shauna and ben, so its not totally far out to assume shes smart enough to know that. and frankly i dont know if id be willing to risk getting rabies or some other disease unless im actually starving so, just pointing that out :)

id also like to point out that the feast in episode 1 looks a lot like the hallucination from when they ate Jackie! including the way the table is set up and the outfits!!! which makes me think that along with the weird yellow filter that all of that is just an idealized version of reality that the girls are projecting

also back to the animal farm, how did they manage to catch live rabbits? as someone whos owned multiple rabbits, its basically fucking impossible to catch them when they get loose outside and dont want to be caught, which im assuming since these are WILD rabbits that they do not. also, as many have pointed out, that they also have a domesticated breed of duck? could be just an unintentional thing, but considering how in depth and full of meaning every other detail of the show is id be surprised if it wasnt intentional!

tl:dr: the yellowjackets say they have a lot of food, but never actually show them catching or finding any and act like they are starving when presented with food. (and Mari eats a fucking bat) so methinks they are not doing as good as they say they are

sry this got long and rambly and idk maybe this is all a reach and im grasping at straws but i thought id just put it out there in case someone else thought the same. im not a theorist so pls do not eviscerate me if this sounds stupid pls and thank u :)

[system-of-a-feather]

hi, i have been thinking about the topic of fusion, and what i want my long-term goals to be, and i was wondering. do you ever feel like being fused is exhausting? not the process of fusion, i know thats exhausting because healing is exhausting. but like. do you ever feel overwhelmed due to being all parts of yourself at once? i havent experienced any fusions yet (hopefully in the future!) but ive seen people talk about how even when fused, none of the parts disappear but instead are all part of the "you" that always exists. my only frame of reference for how that feels for myself is blendy cofronting, which in my experience can be pleasant with 2 or 3 parts, but any more than that gets overwhelming and disorienting

Actually? Surprisingly? No. Not really at all honestly. The funny thing is that I used to wonder the same thing so I absolutely understand the frame of reference and perspective and assumptions that go with it, but its extremely comfortable and LOW energy to be fused for me.

The actual thing that happens is that you don't really get that "too many parts in front" fatigue like... ever or fronting fatigue like ever - at least thats how it is for me.

I relax a whole fuck ton better as a fused whole and while a lot of fusion still has me having to learn my new / fused "me" and how I operate on a baseline, thats an entirely different thing than trying to balance all the differing and contrasting parts or trying to understand and negotiate that because like... They are all simultaneously me and I VERY freely and fluidly exist as and between all of them. There isn't really "compromise" I have to make because.... we just co-exist harmoniously as one without even needing to explicitly talk about it or discuss or put intention into coming to a shared understanding, we just... do and know and its really really really really fucking easy living as a fused whole compared to being multiple parts

Like even if you were to ask me just as ONE part versus how I am now, there is not a single part in our system that has ever actually been so comfortable and so not-fatigued existing as I am as a whole

Everythings a lot more balanced, managable and our window of tolerance is STUPID fucking large - and I don't mean that in a "relative to where we used to be" or "relative to someone with as much trauma as I do" but genuinely STUPIDLY huge compared to most generally neurotypical non-traumatized not-severely-mentally ill people and I largely thank that to Post Traumatic Growth honestly.

But like... tldr, not really at all for me surprisingly. Maybe really early post fusion when I was still figuring myself out a lot but like.... Thats more so the process of fusing than being fused itself imo.

(Side note edit: Sometimes I DO think itd be better to explore a situation and issue as independent parts and so sometimes I DO operate in a more system / plural way of existing for however long its beneficial, but thats less to do with fusion not helping me as much as it is that I think a plural lens and perspective has a lot of perks in navigating complicated situations.)

Anyways tagging a few others who might have a different answer / perspective on this since they are either in a different stage of a fusion / integration and/or have a different way of existing with their fused / integrated state than me.

@hiiragi7 @reimeichan @subsystems

[twipsai]

The Phantom Rider, Sonic's "hero" status, and Sonic's love for his friends: a poorly put-together analysis

so, ive seen a non-zero amount of people say that Sonic taking on the alter ego of the Phantom Rider is out of character for him, and my knee-jerk reaction was to disagree (though, im biased, because i adore the Phantom Rider). but then i thought about the why of it all -- why does it not feel out of character for Sonic to disguise himself to cause chaos?

full post and me over-analyzing a blue hedgehog under the cut

part 1: Sonic will break the rules

well, first of all, Sonic doesnt really care too much about being a hero. he helps people because he wants to, not because its expected of him. weve all seen those satbk cutscenes reposted to hell and back, so let me be the millionth to do so

when Merlina tells Sonic that, upon taking Caliburn, he would become the villain in everyones eyes, he shrugs it off. and even later, when Gawain tries to talk him down from battling Merlina, Sonic dismisses the idea that hes doing this out of some kind of chivalry or duty, that he fights because he wants to.

there are many other instances of Sonic not really caring about rules or social conventions, and gladly breaking them if it means he can save people (dude literally runs from cops in sa2), but its never directly stated as explicitly as it is in satbk.

so, Sonic doesnt care about being a hero, and doesnt care about being a villain in other peoples eyes if he knows hes doing whats right. youd think with this facet of his character, him actively disguising himself as the Phantom Rider would be antithetical to this point, right? if he doesnt care about being seen as a villain, then he shouldnt have to mask his identity. its a fair conclusion to come to, but it also ignores what i think is one of Sonic's core personality traits;

part 2: Sonic loves his friends a lot

its strange to me that not a lot of people bring this up, because he does! from "and Amy... take care of yourself," to "I'll have you smiling by the end of this," Sonic just genuinely loves his friends to death, and doesnt want to sabotage them.

if he runs out there to cause chaos during the clean sweepstakes, completely unmasked? everyone who knows a single thing about Sonic will start to assume bad things about the Restoration. just because Sonic has good intentions doesnt mean hes above the rules, and acting like he is can put people he cares about (namely Jewel and the Diamond Cutters) at the mercy of public opinion.

he cant act like hes above the rules, especially when hes directly associated with the Restoration (even if hes not a part of it) during the clean sweepstakes.

(id also like to point out that here, Sonic doesnt even consider it a bad thing to be completely and utterly chaotic and disruptive at first; Tails has to remind him its a bad idea)

and understandably so! we see how everyone reacts to seeing Sonic as the Phantom Rider, especially Tangle -- its a tough pill to swallow, especially without all the context involved. to an outsider, it looks like Sonic is just trying to sabotage the clean sweepstakes because hes being a sore loser (or, really, any other number of malicious reasons)

but, really, i think that the point im trying to make is summed up best by Amy and Sally (even though its in Archie)

thats just not how they do things. they dont want to cause necessary chaos or danger just for the hell of it, and they certainly dont want to associate the Restoration with that sorta thing -- people look to the Restoration for hope, and while Sonic is associated with it during the clean sweepstakes, his hands are a bit tied. itd be a total dick move for him to basically throw his friends (and especially Jewel) under the bus like that, and he knows it.

Sonic may not care about his reputation in other peoples eyes, but he cares greatly about how his actions affect his friends.

part 3: the conclusion

its easy to assume that, based on how lax Sonic is with rules and social conventions, him disguising himself just to cause a distraction for Amy and Tails to get attention off of them would be out of character. but, based on the circumstances, i think that it makes enough sense given the context for him to take the route that he does.

sorry if this analysis is a little all over the place, im sorta scatter brained right now but i wanted to get my thoughts out about this cuz its been on my mind

[magnoliasandbeardedtooth]

thinking about the relationship between sif and the universe, and related theories / headcanons aka I listened to a song and I need to get these feefees out of me

this is a lot of prelude for something that can be shown with just the video clip, but I want to include all the strings that make up this knot

Its not explicitly stated, but I believe it's pretty clear that whenever sif repeats something three times while hoping for something (sharpening the keyknife, carving in general, praying to the change god statue in dormont), he is performing wish craft.

however, he doesnt repeat anything three times when getting the keyknife. he doesnt even need to pray to get it at all, the change god just gives it to him. they say themselves that they dont care for rituals. they never even take credit for the stat buff, they only take credit for the keyknife

when sif changes how they pray at the change god statue, their method more strongly resembles the ritual to make a wish at the favor tree (picking the one you like best), and as a result the buff gets better. it is the wish craft ritual that is the important part of the prayer to that statue, not the change god

one thing that IS explicitly stated is just how powerful wish craft is for those who know the rituals, and how dangerous it is in the wrong hands. between the disappearance of colors (Im pretty sure that was the result of a wish, I may be misremembering), the disappearance of the country, and the king being nearly successful in freezing all of vaugarde in time, it only takes one wish to take out massive chunks of the world at a time

we know that wish craft is very entwined in the culture of the country (the story written about in the journal is told as a cautionary fairy tale, the rituals themselves are so deeply ingrained in sif that the wish to forget the country did not restrict his memory of the rituals, and he can perform wish craft without even being fully aware he is doing it)

it seems reasonable to me that the reason for the country's disappearance was to hide the existence of wish craft and the rituals to access that power from the rest of the world. considering sif didnt even remember his culture AND had good intentions, and still nearly ended the world, seems like that concern is pretty well founded. however, thats not the important theory Im making this post about

the country has knowledge of wish craft in conjunction with worship of the universe. "the universe leads, we can only follow," "the universe willed it," seems pretty safe to say that sif's Universe is the "entity" that is granting wishes

the way wishes are described, they dont seem like something the universe grants based on who worships it. as long as you know the ritual, you get the wish. everyone is part of the universe, after all, worshiper or not

Admittedly, its a bit of a stretch to say that the universe as a collective force has any sense of empathy for human struggles. but using the change god as an example, as spiteful as they are to sif, and unsympathetic to anything other than a human's role in the concept of change, they still show a great deal of care and favor to mira, someone who loves them. it is possible for a deity to care for those that care about it

sif, despite no longer having access to his culture or why he cares about the universe, still loves the universe, very very deeply, just as much as mira loves change. the change god says that sif's deity will never answer him, but I dont think thats the case

and this is the important headcanon that I am making this post for

sif is performing the rituals, so he gets the wishes, simple as. but I feel strongly that his wishes getting granted in very small but noticeable ways, despite not knowing how or why hes doing it, is the presence of his universe helping him, caring for him, even when he doesnt remember it

the strongest evidence for this, and the basis for this whole thing, is exactly how euphrasie breaks down in act 5

at first I only really noticed when she laughs, it reminded me very much of how the change god, a being who uses sprites of other characters and has done a whole possession, laughed during their encounter. they and euphrasie are the only two that use anything other than "ha," and right after this laugh is when her breakdown pauses and she says the lines

"... Soon you'll be able to go back to your normal lives. Away from battle and strife. Finally, you'll all be able to go home!!!"

which, knowing the end of the game is coming, is incredibly relevant. very deliberate

before this pause, her breakdown seems pretty chaotic. the characters and the player are just coming out of one harrowing experience, and are clearly headed for another. the cohesiveness of this glitchy breakdown amongst a mess of the rest of the world doing the same isnt really high up on the list of priorities. none of the characters notice anything beyond the fact that reality is breaking, not even sif. it just sounds like scary nonsense.

but with the context of euphrasie being possessed to talk to sif, every single one of her lines makes perfect sense

(footage from Zhain Gaming on yt)

the universe is there its talking directly to him, it was there the whole time

the Universe loves Sif so much