#<- in case someone going thru the tag was also wondering

[pipskippy]

sorry idk if you’ve answered this before but! how/what do you use to scan your art and what’s the process like if you don’t mind sharing … i love all your work, it’s so charming and makes me smile <3

help i didnt see the notification for this so sry if this was sent forever ago. also thank you so so much im really glad to hear that!!!<3

what i usually do is take a photo with my phone in a well lit spot, preferably in sunlight, and then edit it to look more accurate and also better (usually lowering contrast, upping brightness, saturation, cropping, etc) in the photos app. or sometimes the genius scan app for cropping or for lineart-only drawings. because that app has a black-and-white filter that works well. if i’m removing the background i do it in procreate which like.has not the best selection tool but i am the pretender. and then i erase anywhere the selection missed 🫡 also, if i can be bothered to get my laptop and for commissioned work i use photoshop to remove the background. it has a better selection tool…

[hauntingblue]

Gear 5 luffy's laugh is so contagious I just hear the drums and go insane how does this work. What did he do to me

[slut4thebroken]

Hey same anon that was talking abt your speech👋

Im not saying its your fault that people pick on you, its definitely not your fault that they're assholes. However you said your tone was the main issue for this and I still think that that is something that's controllable. Again not saying this like it excuses them cuz it doesn't but im saying while adhd isn't something you can control, things like tone can be controlled.

And I wasn't saying all this so that you could accommodate for people, I was coming from the perspective that you could accommodate for yourself. Like this whole situation with the mean classmates, im a firm believer in saying something so they dont feel like they can continue to display their bad behaviors. (Side note: I understand masking is telling you to basically copy these people but the people you're copying are rude so im not blaming you)

But my advice wasn't that you mask. I have a husband who suffers the same as you and he used to mask with me and pretty much everyone in his life. I understand masking isn't ideal and I understand that you guys think about every little social interaction. My advice was to be comfortable with yourself but also look more inward and think that maybe you are rude during those interactions. Obviously I don't follow you around everywhere so idk how these things go. But from what I've seen from my husband is being comfortable with yourself and communicating things thru does wonders for both parties to understand each other and being comfortable with yourself id say limits the masking.

Also I figured id give you an explanation on why I thought you were rude since you were confused. I understand you were self hating in the moment but things that came off as rude and like you resent people were things like your tags when you said "so they should know by now that I cant fucking control it and thats how I talk" (which I totally understand this my husband was a jerk when we met too. The issue socially is probably youre too literal. Its not an easy fix but it is fixable from experience but saying things like "I can't control it" is very limiting towards yourself.) The reason this is rude is bc its rude to you obvi but also in your mind it seems like you kind of subconsciously expect people to just tolerate these things when they are not normal to "normal people" (you can educate me on the correct term btw cuz I honestly hate saying normal ppl I just can't think of what the correct term is called at the moment, im not hating)

You also made assumptions that people immediately get annoyed with you or think you're annoying and there was something you said abt people not feeling the same as you abt certain things you like. 1. Making assumptions abt how people feel abt you is always iffy cuz you just came up with that answer yourself you didn't ask them. It kinda shows how you view people or what you think they think which is most likely not the case. 2. For the not liking similar things, im not sure if these people don't have similar interests with you at all or what but a lot of times in life its not gonna be common to find someone with the same amount of interest in something as you do. Not saying its impossible tho I just wouldn't put that pressure on people. Them being fake however is a different thing but I wouldn't know if they were being fake with you or not. There's a lot of gaps with this because we don't know each other but im not trying to be mean or hateful and im not saying all this like its definite, you could take it or leave it. But I hope there's no hard feelings i just 1. Mainly wasnt okay with how you were talking to yourself but 2. I also did think you were being a bit rude to just people in general cuz ive been there myself. Obviously were different people and im not saying our situations are similar at all but how I took it was that while you hate these things abt yourself, you were also blaming people for things that are (whether we agree or not) in your control. But I could be totally wrong and thats okay.

I hope this didn't come off as rude tho cuz I dont intend for it to be but if it was im sorry. Its not often but sometimes I see things I have the full intention of just being helpful but I end up being the opposite. I do genuinely hope that these issues don't continue to bother you up mentally tho. (Also sorry that these have all been lengthy).

Please enlighten me on how that’s controlable. If you were talking nicely to other people, just trying to engage in conversation and be a good friend, and people constantly said that to you, what would you do? If you’re already consciously trying to sound nice. What else is there to do?

And I was comfortable with myself. My parents stopped saying I have an attitude when I was just talking a long time ago, none of my long term friends have ever made it seem like something that was a huge problem, even my ex understood that I literally just sound like that. But now I’m constantly reevaluating every interaction, trying to figure out if I actually sounded rude or if I just thought I did, or if maybe they reacted a certain way because my tone didn’t match what I was trying to say. And I’m fucking tired. I don’t know what else I should do when I’m already intentionally trying to not sound rude other than just not fucking talk at all lmao which I just realized that I’ve lowkey started doing.

And I am too literal… that’s why I don’t pick up on things like I mentioned in my original post. There’s nothing I can do to train myself to not be literal so I’m not exactly sure how I would fix that. The term is neurotypical and I’m not saying they should tolerate it but when I quite literally apologize and correct my tone immediately after saying something that could be seen as rude, I personally think it’s a dick move to continue to be mean about it rather than just say “thanks for the apology. Good to know.” And I appreciate when people tell me that something I said sounded off because then we can fix the miscommunication and also I don’t want anyone to think I don’t like them because of that one interaction. But after having this conversation (“wtf. You don’t have to be so mean about it.” “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be mean. I meant it like this__.”) so many times, I don’t understand why they would continue to respond like that. Some people have started saying stuff along the lines of “lmao girl that did not sound how you wanted it to” and I apologize again every time.

As for the making assumptions part, clearly you don’t know what it’s like to just be able to tell that someone doesn’t like you lol. I’ve delt with that my whole life (as have most neurodivergent people), I’m rarely wrong about that stuff for myself personally. And I understand that people have different interests… that’s not what I was saying. What I was saying was I don’t like how I’ll get excited about something and start talking about it cause I get riled up and then I realize that I’m talking a lot and that they don’t care. I’m not good at stopping that before it starts and the only reason I put that in the original post is because I literally did it earlier that day lmao.

It did come off as rude and it actually really hurt my feelings. In the future, maybe ask if someone wants help rather than giving unsolicited advice about a situation you barely know anything about. Never in my original post did I ask for advice, I was literally just venting after having a really rough day. And while I appreciate that it was your intention to help, you should just be more thoughtful moving forward.

[amariemelody]

I posted 8,617 times in 2022

114 posts created (1%)

8,503 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@secretlystephaniebrown

@writeroffates

@miss-jayjayy

@fleur-aesthetic

@fyblackwomenart

I tagged 8,616 of my posts in 2022

#queue queue go go - 1,981 posts

#food tw - 801 posts

#photography - 704 posts

#star wars - 600 posts

#flowers - 594 posts

#black girl art - 469 posts

#videos - 427 posts

#the mandalorian - 391 posts

#flashing lights tw - 386 posts

#-squee!!- - 379 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#this movie just...brought me so much comfort during a horrific year of my life (2018) and i didn't even know chad had cancer the whole time.

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Ya’ll, I’m...really proud of myself today? I can finally re-watch Black Panther. Today is the first time I managed to do it, to even look at the DVD case ever since He died and I’m just...

My god, I’m tearing up just a little but I’m thinking I can watch it again. 

36 notes - Posted February 26, 2022

#4

Guys, guys, guys, guys...

Going to my first-ever Pride parade tomorrow! Incognito!!

Omfggg, I am a quietly excited bisexual!! I wonder if during one of our breaks...I can find and snag a bi flag item from one of the vendors while pretending I don’t know what it is /what it means and that I just like the colors. And I mean, I do love my flag’s colors, so maybe that’ll fly...

Hmmm...

37 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

#3

As much as it’s an absolute bop, I think the song “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” in the movie Encanto carries a symbolic choice in its wording that goes beyond its catchiness.

Even before you learn the full situation of Bruno’s absence from the family, you get half the picture thru the song: Bruno’s power of clairvoyance was Inconvenient To The Family And Village, But Especially To Abuela Alma and so...he had to go. 

It’s interesting that the song isn’t titled, say, “Where Is Bruno?” or “Don’t Come Back, Bruno” or even just “We Don’t Know Where Bruno Is”. 

No, the song title is an assertion that the subject of Bruno is one we simply do not broach. 

A huge, huge theme in Encanto is generational trauma. And one of the perpetual curses of generational trauma is We Don’t Talk About X. Sometimes X is something that hurts us (i.e, Bruno’s visions and other seemingly odd behaviors) and/or X is something that we did to hurt someone else (i.e, the family and village’s continual rejection and depreciation of Bruno to the point where he left and never came back).

Thus we get “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”. 

The overall policy of not talking about...what needs to be talked about is often how generational trauma is not only created to begin with, but also how it is allowed to continue through new generation after generation with very little end in sight.

Not talking about things is often thought of as a way to not only avoid The Problem(s), but to deny there are The Problem(s). It’s almost a childish way of thinking that if we don’t acknowledge it then it doesn’t/can’t/won’t hurt and will somehow magically (haha) go away and stay away. And of course that never works; The Problem(s) must be dealt with or else The Problem(s) will deal with you. 

And I’m not preaching from the pulpit about this-I’ve never even been to Colombia but like a lot of people I relate so much to Encanto because my family suffers from generational trauma too. Starting from my own mother (and her devil of a mother before her), there have been many things that are swept under the rug and quite a few have exploded until they needed to be dealt with...and sometimes it’s been too long that an apology/gradual change in behavior wasn’t fully enough to mend the “cracks” in our own casita, y’know?

The Problem doesn’t go away-it just festers and festers until it deals with you. 

And The Problem not going away is amazingly symbolized in the song “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”. We see that, actually...Bruno truly hasn’t gone away. During Dolores’ dope ass verse, you can see his greenish shadow in the background on the balcony, not unlike as though he were a specter; in Camilo’s equally dope ass verse, Camilo still remembers enough about what his uncle looks like to transform into him (minus the exaggerated “7 foot frame”-he seems hardly taller than Mirabel herself); both Isabela and Dolores still remember positive prophecies from him, one about growth in power and one about future true love; so many of the villagers still remember much less positive prophecies from him; and his room is still present in the house, never mind that it’s off limits. 

Not Talking About Bruno does not at all mean Bruno has gone away. 

Even greater than what Bruno’s continued presence means, there’s also what his continued implicit absence means. Alongside her siblings and cousins, Mirabel has been deprived of having such a selfless, loving uncle in her life who, in leaving, did what he thought best to put her before himself even while knowing she’d never be aware of his sacrifice; Julieta and Pepa have been deprived of their only brother; and Abuela Alma has been deprived of her only son. That continued absence is yet another Problem. 

Also not talking about Bruno is really not unlike how the family deals with Mirabel, whose continued visible presence with her ordinary lack of magical powers they cannot escape/erase. That is, the songwriters could easily write a song titled, “We Don’t Talk To Mirabel”. 

From what I see, Abuela Alma certainly goes out of her way to not talk to Mirabel unless it’s within 1 of 3 contexts: 

Why are you in my direct line of sight and, whatever reason you (quickly) give, wrap it up so that you’re properly out of my sight. 

What are you doing and, whatever you (quickly) tell me you are doing, wrap it up so you’re not reminding me that you’re The Problem. 

Please remember the best thing you can do for the family and specifically me is to Be Seen, Not Heard. 

I and a whole lot of audience of course see this as insidiously but extremely cruel from Abuela Alma to her own flesh-and-blood granddaughter. In its insidiousness, in the narrative we also Don’t Talk About The Effects This Has On Mirabel, i.e, her terribly low self-esteem and high frustration/resentment; her trauma at the constant exclusion and depreciation; and her powerful, pressurizing need to prove herself worthy. To prove herself even present. 

Now I will say that...I don’t feel like a whole lot of the family follows Abuela’s example on how to treat Mirabel. Certainly her parents protect and nurture their daughter as much as they can against their matriarch’s mistreatment of her. Her 3 cousins are certainly loving enough to her in my opinion, particularly Antonio (and I want to write a whole post on his representation sometime, too!), and you get the sense that if Luisa had more time she’d dote on and nurture her baby sister much, much more. 

Isabela is the only one who seems to be the worst offender.For example, after it’s announced in the song that Mariano, Isabela’s betrothed, and his mother are on his way, Isabela sings an interesting line to Mirabel: 

“Hey, sis, I want not a sound out of you”

...Which is pretty in line with Abuela Alma’s standard cruel treatment and policy with Mirabel: Be Seen, Not Heard And You Won’t Be The Problem. 

(And on a side note, I’m 1000% of the mind that Mariano would be an excellent big brother-in-law and be so loving and nurturing to Mirabel. I don’t think he would’ve found her comparative ordinariness an issue at all.)

(Another, another side note: I’m also of the mind that Isabela’s initial copying of Abuela Alma’s treatment of Mirabel is a kind of rebound envy and resentment because while Mirabel can’t grab just some spotlight no matter how hard she tries, Isabela can’t ever get out of all the spotlight no matter how hard she tries. I think it’s inverse brands of spotlight pressures going in different directions with the resentments...well, going in the wrong directions.)

Going back to Bruno and the song title “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”, that curse of generational trauma doesn’t start to break itself until, well...we talk about Bruno. And there’s a short, but explicit line Camilo and Antonio in the song “All of You” that states as much:

“Okay, so we’re gonna talk about Bruno? (That’s Bruno) 

Yeah, there’s a lot to say about Bruno

For sure there’s a lot of things to say about Bruno-and I love, love, love that Bruno is able to (re)claim in his agency in the narrative by being able to explain himself in his own verse right after the above one. 

Not only are we going to talk about Bruno, but Bruno gets to be the one to talk. 

See the full post

43 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

#2

Guess who’s starting SWIMMING LESSONS next week?!?!?!?!?!?!! 

52 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See, every time late May comes around...

I know at worst it’s corporate predation and at best it’s corporate cynical performance of allyship/activism to snag the queer dollar, but...

Come every late May when I see the rainbow colors of Pride come out over stores’ banners online and stores’ displays right inside their front windows where everyone can see and stores’ displays inside the store where it’s easily seen and accessible by everyone, instead of shamefully tucked into a back corner...

When I see that, there’s a happy whisper in my mind. 

It’s still a whispered secret for me that I am bisexual-in real life, I have still not come out to anyone. I am content with that for now. I don’t see that contentment changing any time in the near future. But I was 25 when I quietly, definitively said to myself that I am bisexual. I was 28 when I came out only online, first to a slew of fellow, older LGBT friends that I implicitly trusted and then later on openly on my blog as a Christmas present to myself. 

I carry a quiet love and pride of my bisexuality. And so when I see the Pride colors, that happy whisper in my mind goes, “That’s you, kid. Those colors mean you. You’re a colorful person and those colors belong to you, too.”

“You made it another year, kid. Happy birthday to learning yet another beautiful part of you.” 

75 notes - Posted May 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ace-frog]

Im in such a ranty mood today.

Amd becuz of the chance this will show up if certain things are searched I will say now that if you can have your ships and hcs czu I have mine too I'm just annoyed at certain things in the Twitter fanbase atm and I do think that ship can be cute and all

One day I will fully go thru Xiao's tags and not see that stupid bs. Like I have blocked so many tags and people to avoid it but some assholes don't tag their shit. I don't want to see it. Abs I don't want to see that other ship. Please I just want pure Xiao content that doesn't make him out to be someone he's not. His popular ship with that dude is fine and cute. But to act as his entire being revolves around that dude is plain wrong. Like if you look at the Canon you would see that yeah he does value one person very very highly above all others but its not the other short green dude but the literal god of his home. I always emphasize their bond whenever I rant becuz I hate how the gambase diminished it in order to uplift that ship. Like yeah its not that big of a deal but when I have to filter out so much and then still not get the content that I want I'm bound to get frustrated. Also just the sheer lack of Canon backing behind most hcs is insane. Like have fun and all. God knows I do it too but at some point I gotta wonder: do you even actually like these characters? Like in some cases I can understand why ppl ignore Canon. But one of the main things that make players stay in genshin I feel like is the story and the characters not just the whole gacha aspect. Like I don't understand why shipping is so prevalent enough to completely override the actual Canon. Just becuz Canon doesn't have the ship you want doesn'take it bad. I'm well aware others wonr agree with me in this fanbase. Especially becuz they are so determined to make a headcanon seem Canon and will not hesitate to harass anyone who does something that doesn't follow the popular fanon. And worst of all...THE POPUALR FANON ISNT EVEN THAT GOOD!?!??

[neuralblending-your-posts]

I love your blog but small request if it's not too much. Could you pls start tagging your posts with 'unreality' for the sake of our friends with schizoaffective, dissociative, etc. disorders? I hope I'm not stepping on your toes too much! Thanks!

Hello! You aren’t stepping on toes don’t even worry. I hope this blog feels safe and comfy to send asks to. We post some weird shit here sometimes but we have fun (or that’s the goal anyways).

Now that is something I have actually thought about recently, and tossed and turned a bit about, and I run into the problem, how do I tag “unreality” without marking this entire blog? Like it’s no fun to follow a blog and the whole thing is tagged out from you. Is there a line somewhere? I do not experience unreality from these posts and would not know the first place to begin tagging this, as I said apart from marking the whole blog. Maybe I’m understanding the tag wrong, I’m here to listen for nuance/if I’ve misunderstood.

Unless you mean, for the sake of who I’m rbing it from? In which case I have been using “ai generated image” as the first tag on every post to try to signify to whoever I rb it from that it could be unsafe content, but if that doesn’t seem to hit it right I can just change the first tag to “unreality”. Since I started this blog I have noticed ppl tagging that and if that’s the community go-to it’s probably what I should be using... I picked “ai generated image” when I first started this blog and just kept it consistent since.

Third, again, if I’ve misunderstood, OR if there’s something more specific I can tag to help make this blog safer for your browsing, please let me know!

Its taking me forever but there will (eventually) be a master post with tags EVENTUALLY so people can see what to block for this blog or just view certain themes/categories for fun. Eventually.

So in the meantime FYI for anyone wondering - major cw tags I use (tagged exactly as written/bolded) are body horror (fairly frequent on this blog, lately I've been including animal body horror in this tag as well), blood, gore (these last two are rare but do pop up sometimes), meat (as it sounds - if it looks like a steak or raw meat, often paired with the gore tag), flesh (for things that look like genitals - again rare but I go generous on this just in case, weird lumps of flesh get tagged as such lol). I also tag every likeness of a humanoid as people just for content categorization, so this will catch even stick figures but could help if someone is very sensitive to this kind of content. I also tag a lot of basic categories like animals and food - this was intended for categorization but could absolutely serve as a tag for someone to block.

(Editing this to add: I will be changing "ai generated image" to "unreality" from here on out! past posts will not be changed for a little while, there's a lot to go thru)

[alien-ally]

place to be aggressively loveless and also post about the shows and characters i love without regrets

In short, apart from being an aspec safespace, as of late i’ve also started to post a lot about the shows/books (jbl mostly) i’m watching/reading as i don’t really want to set up another blog for it, new tag system is in place so consider checking that out!

Good day and do not take the intro too formally, as mentioned, i shall be posting about my very compelling interests infrequently. I've modified the intro too many times. Thought i should give a heads up regarding that in case you decide to follow me.

Welcome once again. This is going to be a wholly informal blog. Perhaps, a little unorganized too since I’ll mostly be posting on whim. (just that though. just the posting that’ll be spontaneous. the content will mostly be edited forms of stuff I write in my journal.) At first, I was thinking of watching tutorials to set this up (and I did a little) - but that’ll make it more complicated and I’m not going for that sort of an approach - so here we go. This is a casual, unprofessional blog containing the thoughts, musings and confessions(?) of an aroaceapl youngster. If it helps out even one other aspec like me, I’d consider my mission complete! As an informal blog, I'd be posting from my experiences and how I personally have it so none of my posts should be taken as a basis of definition or generalization for any of the mentioned identities. Will be posting irregularly.

If you're someone that makes it a point to search up the aspec tags and comment absolutely uncalled for aphobic shit on our posts, do not interact. As if you're going to listen to me, thank you.

P.s infrequently there'll be cryptic writings and out of topic posts, look out ᵔᴥᵔ

the blog has begun to slowly deviate and branch out into all things late night me but it'll always be primarily my aspec safe space so if you like the sound of that, consider staying<2

Are you greyapl too? Got any unique/weird takes on friendship? Share it with me or hit me up thru text, would love it.

(tagging #aa mine for my posts and some important reblogs)

new tagging system unlocked! just realized my knick-knack tag is in chaos cause i keep forgetting i use the hyphenated one, will get to fixin it one day

skate's strokes: resisdent aspec, 'actual motivation behind setting up blog' posting (+crafting posting)

thingamabob: showposting i.e bl

bobblehead: the more poignant, longer random posting

knick-knack: inconsequential random things that happen to me, i.e when it rains etc.

Much warmth. Stay safe everyone!

p.s also lmk if u think my pfp needs a renewal lmao. been wondering if it's become too bland. Text me randomly and I'll reply within a week if I'm not too stressed :))

[blackicephantom]

The black dragon and the coward CH. 13

Here is the next chapter!

Even if it feels like nobody's reading this anymore...... well, what ever.

Enjoy!

Tagged: @patolemus , @runestarchild

- . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - .- . - . -

The storm blew over and Tsuna was exhausted.

It’s been a damn long day and he was still injured, time to rest up. Reborn, who apparently read his thoughts, picked him up as easy as it gets and just said “Time for bed.” He didn’t even notice when the dragon changed forms again….. Definitely time to sleep.

Once again cradled in these strong and safe arms he let his mind slip away. To the forgotten days, the happy times. When Reborn put him down on the bed he was already fast asleep.

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

Reborn was…...excited. There was a certain thrill and tension that he couldn’t shake. He wanted to hunt, to hurt, to burn. He wanted to finally act on his instincts but he knew that he had to wait, just this little bit longer! His tail thrashed form side to side and there was a constant low rumbling coming from his throat. If he was someone else he would be embarrassed but as things were standing no one would say anything.

A small giggle brought him out of his reverie and he looked over to the small brunette in his bed. Tsuna had a serious case of bedhead and had this little sleepy smile. He looked so relaxed and, dare he say it, beautiful. This right here, is how it should have been from the beginning. “Finally awake sleepyhead?” was the first thing he asked. Still smiling, the boy sat up and stretched his arms over his head. Then he stood up and cracked his back and neck. With each crack and pop another satisfied sigh left the boy's lips. Yes, this is perfection incarnate. A powerful and capable sky, right here beside him and just waiting for the rest of their strange family. Another content purr echoed through his den which made Tsuna laugh again.

After a simple but filling breakfast they started their preparations. There were dragons to welcome after all. The young heir tried to remember what he could and told Reborn about it. He in return confirmed or denied his facts, which helped him a great deal to sort his thoughts. That’s the moment when another thought occurred to him. What happened to Aria? He thought long about it. Should he ask his draconian companion? Did she make it? Or was there another grave somewhere? `Don’t think such depressing thoughts Tsuna!´. Realizing that there’s only one way to find out, he went looking for the black Dragon.

Said dragon sat waiting patiently, like he had anticipated Tsuna's arrival. “I know you Dame-Tsuna. You’ve still got something to ask.” was the answer to his unasked question. His smirk was visible even in his dragon form, impossible as it should be. Shaking his head and laughing the brunette settled down right in front of the other and looked him in his yellow eyes. “You’re right, there’s still something I would like to know. But I don’t really know if I want to hear the answer.” Humming softly, Reborn lowered his head to the ground and made himself comfortable. “Have you forgotten what Luce always told you? When there’s something you want to know-” he started. “- then don’t hesitate to ask. A simple question costs nothing but a bit of courage.” Tsuna finished. Visibly proud the reptile looked up to the sky and asked again. “So, what is it? Spill.” A few minutes there was nothing but the sounds around them, before he found his voice. “It’s just….. I mean I’ve been wondering…. Oh damn it! I wanted to ask about Aria!” The last sentence was almost a shout and Rebon wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. Aria was another rather sore spot but just like the rest, Tsuna deserved to know. With a sigh the dragon started his little story.

After the departure of his brothers Reborn was all alone with his memories. His memories and with Aria. He’s not stupid, he knows that she coulnd’t stay here with him. But where could he send her? Was there even a safe place for her? Watching the sleeping fledgling his heart broke again, as she grieved even when deeply asleep. With every new tear his resolve strengthened. This place can never again be home for her. Not this godforsaken place where her mother was ruthlessly murdered right in front of her. Not the place where her little brother was taken from her, while she was unable to do anything.

He thought. He thought long and hard, for days on end. But no solution would come to him. Until Aria herself contributed something. It’s been just a few weeks but she’s almost all grown up. This is the curse that all Skydragons share: a short childhood, followed by a just as short life. Sure, they still lived longer than humans but from a dragon's perspective their life was fleeting. “I know that you want to protect me. And I am thankful for all that you’ve done until now. But I don’t want to burden you further than this.” He waited in tense anticipation. It was clear that she was Luce’s child. Always prepared….

She continued with a small and sad smile. “I will go on a journey. I will visit many places and meet many people. Until someone catches my eye and I settle down.” Yellow eyes widened. This…...this was way too specific for some random plan! There was only one explanation: A Vision. Aria has her mothers gift. “I hope that you will take just as good care of my daughter when the time comes, because she is going to be an orphan way too early. But don’t worry, she won’t see a single thing.” Reborn couldn't respond to the sheer mass of information he was given. Aria has seen her whole life. Probably from the day after tomorrow until the day she dies. It’s just as fascinating as it’s sad….

But she seemed to understand this, for she said nothing about it. Not even when a few stubborn tears rolled down the usually stone cold face. “Please take care. If the day comes, visit her. She will be in the care of the Millefiore family and will also inherit our gift.” Now he was outright sobbing. He wanted to clutch her tight and never let go, but he knew better by now. He knew that when he woke up tomorrow she would be gone. So he pulled her closer and embraced her one last time, already mourning his second sky. She returned his hug just as tightly and shed quite a few tears herself. This man was like a father after all. Just like all the others that will never know of this. As they slowly pulled away from each other she said one last thing that would change everything for him. “And please do me a favour. Greet Tsunayoshi in my name when he returns, ok? And pamper him, because it won’t be easy for him. Be patient. You will forget, but you will also remember.”

The next morning was dark and gray and he stood alone in the pouring rain.

On that day he started to kill every human that ventured to far into the forest, too far into his territory. That was the day the legend of the Midnightblack Sundragon was born.

“It happened just like she said. She found a nice man and gave birth to Yuni. A raid on their village took first her husband and then herself, Yuni was away with some servants. Ever since that day she’s been with the Millefiore family. And there’s of course the part with the forgetting. I have absolutely no idea how or why this happened but I know that whatever it was, was lifted on the day I brought you back to this damned village.”

The young sky needed time to work through all this information. First of all: his fear came true. There WAS another grave for him to visit. His sister, gone, just like their mother but her daughter still safe and sound. Second: the reason Reborn and he couldn’t remember each other was because of an outside interference. And the third: clairvoyance is as handy as it is scary. His respect for Luce and Aria just went through the roof. Not to forget the poor Yuni…..who knows what she has already seen? `So many things to consider. And no time to dwell.´ Shaking his head Tsuna looked up at his friend. Reborn’s head was turned away from him, but he could still feel the tension, so he reached out and gently petted the dark scales. The reaction was instantaneous, Reborn relaxing and putting his head on the brunette's lap.

In this moment of peace he thought about the other Arcobaleno. Have they changed? Were they lonely during all these years? But most importantly: were they all ok?

Instead of all these things he asked something completely different.

“Ne ne, Reborn. Who do you think will arrive first?” Said dragon just blinked for a moment before snorting and then outright laughing. There’s no reason to be surprised, Tsuna was also Luce’s kid after all. Trying and failing to stop laughing for several minutes the mythical creature stood up again and looked up. “What a stupid question. Since the closest thing to the sky, the sun, is already here, there's just one possibility. There’s just one single person that could arrive here first. A drifting cloud, never to be bound.” Just as he finished his sentence a loud chirping and the rustling of feathers could be heard. Both sounds grew louder and closer and Tsuna couldn’t wait. The drifting cloud was none other than Skull! Beating wings came into view, followed by the dark purple body and the swishing tail. Another chirp sounded and this time Reborn answered with his own call. Their eyes met even over this distance and the Clouddragon started his neck breaking decent.

Feet touched the ground and carved their way thru the soil until he stood still right before the boy he had missed dearly, right beside the brother that called them back. Still not quite believing his eyes he hesitated. What if this was nothing but a cruel, cruel dream? But then Reborn stood up and came impossibly closer, only to nudge him with his maw and nipping playfully on his beak. `Not a dream then.´ The next thing he knew he laid a few meters away on the ground, apparently the black of the other whipped him away. Literally. But… the sting was shockingly pleasant, so he just got up again, shook out his scales and bound over again. First he tackled his fellow dragon down and cuddled with him. But even if the Sundragon complained, he didn't throw him off. Next thing he did was transform and then kneel before the poor boy, almost as if was worshipping him. Instead of praise tho, only apologies left his mouth and that just wouldn't do. Careful hand reached out and took hold of his now wet cheeks. Slowly raising his head he was met with the gentle brown they had tried to protect. One hand carted through his violet hair and soothed him, gave him comfort he hasn’t had since he was captured. “It’s ok Skull.” Completely overwhelmed, he flung himself in Tsuna’s arms and was glad to be caught.

An hour, maybe even two went by before the next dragon came home.

None of them looked up, the wind telling them who had arrived the moment their master was close enough. Red scales shone brightly and the young Vongola just stepped forward with outstretched arms. Shortly after that he was rewarded with the big and fluffy head of the Stormdragon. He pet the white mane and put their foreheads together as a symbol of familiarity. The following grumbling was as sweet as it was calming and gave him the opportunity to ignore the other two in the background where Reborn just sat atop of Skull, not caring if the other had enough air to breath. But he still heard the quiet “The furios storm that never rests.” and couldn't be happier.

Just then the ground started to shake and tremble, until a rather large hole had opened up right where they stood. The first one to emerge was the bulky form of the Lightningdragon, who immediately stomped over to him, while the indigo coloured snake made its way over to the other dragons….. Only to start choking Skull. Already tired of this Fon also made his way over, at least to make sure that they wouldn’t kill the third one. Tsuna just watched for a short moment, when a long maw nudged him in the stomach and a small and harmless lightning bolt rushed across his arm. Giggling he scratched the crocodile look alike right between the eyes and earned a thumping foot. When Verde had enough he switched places with Viper, only without the choking part…. The closer Viper came, the smaller he got and when he was at the boys feet he just waited till he was offered an arm. Slowly crawling up the limp he made his home right around Tsuna's neck, like a living and breathing and very venomous necklace. “Welcome home our dear protective lightning rod and bewildering Mistdragon.”

. - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

The day was almost over and one Arcobaleno was still missing. “What the fuck is Colonello doing out there? Picnicking?” While Skull laughed at that Verde looked rather thoughtful. “He is still bound to the waters if he wants to travel efficiently. But the nearest ocean is a few miles behind that accursed village.” With that he caught everyone's attention, because he was right. “Do you think something happened to him?” asked Tsuna worried. The green haired man looked away before shrugging. “It is a possibility.” Just as Tsuna wanted to say something else, Reborn was beside him and shielded him with one of his wings. That's the only heads up they got as a torrent of rain came over them. If Reborn hadn’t reacted, Tsuna would be soaked to the bone. But everyone wasn’t so lucky. Just watching the still draconian fish roll around laughing made the boy shake his head. `He deserves what's coming for him.´ Melodious giggles promptly cut off as electricity crackled through the air and Verde changed between one flash and another. “RUN.” Colonello didn’t need to be told twice. Because his fins were practically useless on land he changed as well and booked it out of the cave they had waited in. Verde gave him three seconds of a head start and then set off after him.

All of the others just listened as the newcomer tried to calm the raging crocodile but he had no such luck. Reborn smirked, Fon just drank his tea, Skull laughed like there was no tomorrow and Viper just shook his head in exasperation. “Those two are just as bad as you and Skull, Reborn.” Said dragon just shrugged with his shoulders and answered “I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.”

A loud scream tore through the night, right before a bright green flash could be seen…… No one moved but as a rather satisfied Lightningdragon returned it was clear what happened out there. “Uhm………” Sighing the black Sundragon took it upon himself to go look for the blonde. Grabbing a big glass of water from the table he went outside. Tsuna wasn’t sure if it was good or bad that he heard nothing yet. But when both dragons returned he was relieved. Colonello had a few burnes, electricity still crawling along his skin and hair standing on end but looked better than expected. `The rain that washes away the blood has also returned.´ The Arcobaleno were together again.

Looking around this strange and chaotic group of people he has the honor to call family, Tsuna couldn't help his tears. This is what he wanted, what he had missed after returning `home´. This is what no one at the village would or could give him. Not even his own parents.

Several arms engulfed his small frame and held him close, while six different tones hummed Luce's lullaby for him. He grabbed onto the closest person, this being Fon this time and just enjoyed the closeness and the warmth. Yes, this is HOME. This and nowhere else.

That night, the only Vongola heir slept surrounded by six lethal dragons. Creatures said to kill in cold blood and are able to hold quite a grudge. But Tsuna never felt saver.

Tomorrow, he would visit Yuni with Reborn. Tomorrow, they will plan what to do with the village that had failed to raise him and to keep him. Tomorrow…... he just couldn’t wait.

_TBC_

[marnie1964]

Karate Kid/Cobra Kai survey

i'm gonna consider myself tagged

It’s the year 2021 and you’re obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?: an unexpected turn of events but it's passing the quarantine, i guess!

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?:  to be completely honest, i don't really like the movies? i didn't vibe with them as a kid and when i went back and tried to watch them this year i couldn't make it all the way through.* i think they're well crafted movies, but i've never liked relatable young boy wish fulfillment (i couldn't even get thru harry potter as a kid), and i think the first one is guilty of burying the lede twice over with regards to mr. miyagi and later the relationship between kreese and johnny. and lucky me--these are exactly the areas that cobra kai delivers on.

*except for the third one, which imo is a camp masterpiece and also genuinely heartbreaking. it's the only one that allows daniel to be an genuine pain in the ass. i think i've finally figured out what the target audience for cobra kai is: people who's favorite karate kid movie was tkk3 (me).

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character: johnny! what is a man but a miserable pile of bruce springsteen lyrics? or aimee mann lyrics? or mountain goats lyrics? or otis redding lyrics? or--fuck, have americans ever written songs about anyone else? i have an unreal amount of good will towards this man and his late-life struggle for recuperation. he's the heart of the show both in terms of his relationships with other characters and in terms of zabka's chemistry with the other actors.

my deep dark double secret fave is kreese. he makes me feel real anger in a way that's usually reserved for characters in vince gilligan shows. i'm a bit obsessed with him and his preoccupation with johnny and later johnny's teenaged son (I Have Thoughts). the show does a great job of making what he did to johnny--and all the years and years and years of fallout from that--feel really real, which makes him one of the most viscerally despicable villains i've ever come across . it's unironically among the best portrayals of domestic abuse i've seen, may god have mercy on our souls. the decision to pop out from behind a fucking cardboard cutout of himself to scare daniel in tkk3 was also a hilarious galaxy brain move. aspirational stuff.

also--shout out to daniel-san. the writers really had to work their asses off to make him into a character that appeals to me, and i think they did a great job of it. he's a cringey tool who's capable of displaying a surprising amount of integrity under the right circumstances! he's tom wambsgans! he's pete campbell! he's wonderful i love him!

Favorite ship:  johnny & daniel (what if mysterious skin was a sports comedy??)

Underrated character: the True and Correct answer to this question can only be aisha, although i don't think she was actually underrated by anyone besides the writers. chozen is also lowkey my favorite katate child because c'mon, he had everything (spear fights! ziplines! teen death matches! formfitting disco-era polyester button down shirts worn with gold chains!)

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):  uhhhh... the only teen couple that could have been interesting is tory/aisha. they were cute together and their friendship rang true to me. it's that thing where you're the new girl and you're conventionally attractive, but on the inside you know you're a freak so you immediately gravitate towards the most obvious female outsider. i lived it, bay-bey!

i also think there are interesting things to explore with carmen and johnny's relationship. i don't know if the writers are even aware of it (i lean towards no b/c men amirite) but the entire premise of carmen's character is that she chose to live in poverty to protect herself and her son from a bad man with power. she's thereby the exact opposite of johnny's mother, who (at least by his understanding) married hollywood film producer shmarvey shmeinstein to provide her son with a better life. so, there's a lot to unpack in his attraction to her. also they're super hot hur hur i like sexy nurse thing hur hur.

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?: i can't look directly at it, but sweep the leg. zabka what the fuck man.

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?:  i don't think i've seen anyone mention this one yet, but the football jersey with the sweatpants. it makes him look so small and huggable, i wanna pick him up and set him on my shelf or something.

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver: bring back ali's lesbian girl gang!!! or else--dutch. he was funny and iconic, i loved his exaggerated offended reaction to everything daniel said or did in tkk. also, i'm tacky so i'm a sucker for aggressively bleach blonde hair. the SCANDALIZED wasp couple standing behind ali and johnny in the spaghetti scene will also do. or terry's secretary (an mvp--i believe the original actress has passed away so in my heart of hearts she's portrayed by j. smith-cameron).

Scene that lives in your head rent-free: the whole character development speed run that johnny does from sweep the leg to crying while handing daniel the trophy to getting strangled in the parking lot by his beloved teacher. i'm especially transfixed by that last bit--what's the thought process of a man who decides to publicly execute his teenage student via strangulation? why did none of the many bystanders call the police? johnny is the real kitty genovese, prison for everyone.

from the cobra kai series proper: daniel's decision to greet johnny with a big hug after not seeing him for 35 years and never actually being friends with him (I Have Thoughts), the heinously creepy scene where johnny is repeating the cobra kai mantra for miguel and his entire disposition completely changes (demonic possession shit), and johnny's tiny go-ahead-and-kill-my-abuser nod (his face is so stoney after being so animated at dinner) coupled with daniel's shaky little sign of relief (macchio is really the cutest when he looks scared).

it goes without saying that every johnny & miguel scene lives rent free in my HEART.

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?: anthony becomes relevant for one (1) episode next season when amanda and daniel finally get around to putting him up for adoption.

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war.  Which dojo do you join?:  i enter the cobra kai dojo decked out in all of my snake-themed clothing and jewelry (it's a lot). i approach kreese and explain to him that the open mouth of a snake, viewed head-on, is a yonic symbol. i am permanently banned from the cobra kai dojo.

(seriously though, assuming i'm a teen in this scenario i think i would have vibed with tory/miguel/aisha. dimitri and sam would have driven high school me up the fucking wall though. the cobra kai style looks like more fun/better exercise. do i also genuinely believe most young girls could actually benefit from someone yelling no mercy down their neck? maybe so 💖)

What’s your training montage song?:  50ft queenie - pj harvey (it takes place in the alison bechdel feminist karate dojo ofc)

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?: it's a full episode flashback to the time johnny got arrested in albuquerque, new mexico. johnny's court-appointed attorney is a weirdly hot babe who seems like a super straight laced killjoy at first, but soon reveals herself to be an unhinged woman. one thing leads to another, and johnny winds up in bed with her and her loser husband. there are lots of great themes about punitive justice, people's ability to change for the better (and worse), and what makes someone "good" or "bad" to begin with, but mostly it's just really hot sex. the husband tries to sell johnny a prepaid cellphone and johnny tell's him that cellphones are never gonna catch on, cause who want's to be bothered by people all the time like that?

better call saul. it's a better call saul crossover ep.

(fwiw think that greg 'hbo succession' hirsch should also be terry's cousin greg on the non-roy side. think about it--the roys are small people, but cousin greg is really tall?? and who else is really tall, and a blue eyed brunette to boot? terry silver. it all adds up! this never becomes relevant to the plot, in any case, i'm just considering it canon until the writers come to my house and explicitly tell me i'm wrong.)

Tagging: anyone who's interested 😘

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

Hey so, I was just wondering, with all the metas you write, how do you start writing one? What is the process like? I've always been curious about it, but I never really know where to start ^_^" Also, if you don't really know how to answer, that's okay! Was just curious haha

Hi, Nonnie! Actually, I have to be honest, I'm not really sure how I started either lol. I think my very first meta-type post was on SPN and about Destiel. I think it was related to the reunion scene between Dean and Cas in 14x03? I'm not 100% sure, though.

Idk if there's really a process tbh. I feel like I'm still very green in the meta process but I kind of look at it this way: I just talk about what I want to talk about. Sometimes, it's just a short little thing I think of and I'm like "okay, I want to talk about this quickly" or sometimes it's longer than that (usually this one lol) and I spend hours poring every thought I have into it and showing what I really want to get across.

And because my brain is constantly like:

It's very easy for me to always lean towards the second option LOL. Especially when I have things like this in my google docs (which is slightly embarrassing to show you this but this is how I keep track of everything I want to talk about in meta posts):

Combined with the way this site works, it basically enables me to:

which really then becomes:

LOL. In all seriousness though, I don't think there's any one way to write meta. I think it's just meant to be analysis, your own personal analysis or interpretation of an event or character or story. So for example, if you want to talk about Destiel and maybe why you feel Dean loved Cas back though he didn't answer that question the narrative posed before the show ended, talk about it and say why you think that. Or if you feel that Dany was never meant to go dark in GoT, then talk about it and why you think that. Or if you think Buck and Eddie will get together in 911 as endgame or why you wish Harry Potter had ended differently or if Rick will come back for the final season of The Walking Dead or whatever it is that you're passionate about.

I kind of look at my own personal meta like little research papers (and kind of treat it as such). I like to make my case, make it as strong and solid as I possibly can with enough supporting evidence (omg I sound like Dateline or something lol, sorry!), and then just go full throttle.

I also like to throw visuals in when I can (whether that be gifs that other amazing people have made available to the site to be used or video links like from YouTube or more recently screenshots). I despise the new 10 images only per post limit on Tumblr's new beta posting but I try to keep my thoughts within that cap. I like to change formats every once in a while. I'm a very big bullet-point list aficionado and if this site allowed me to, I would have all kinds of sub-bullet point lists in each and every post if I could (which it's probably better the site doesn't let me lol). I like to use italics and bold to stress certain points or to indicate a difference/change in topic within the post. I put tags that are absolutely relevant to the topic and what meta it is, for example "destiel meta". I sometimes have very lengthy/stocky paragraphs but I do try to break them up as often as I can. I just know from my own personal reading experience that if it's not broken up, no matter how fantastic the point being made is, my eyes need that break every now and then or I tend to either get distracted or feel the need for a break which makes it harder for me to come back to. (I'm currently going thru this with this freaking amazing Jon Snow meta someone sent me a few weeks ago to look at, I'm halfway through and just blown away by the depth of analysis this person has put into this post but I'm having trouble making time to go back and finish it). So I try to keep that in mind as much as possible when posting.

That's just my personal process, I guess if you could call it that, but I think if you want to write meta, you should just do whatever feels natural to you. Sometimes looking at other meta and how others format/post theirs can be helpful, too. You can find meta on any topic in the tags and you will see all different formats and all kinds of postings. =)

I hope I've been able to answer your question, Nonnie, and I hope it helps. I look forward to reading your meta. ;-) (if you want to tag me or send me the link, please do so!)

Hope you have a great rest of your week! <3

[diteach]

2020 in review

I was tagged by @apeironaxiomaton to look back at 2020 and pretty much to try and not hate it so much! Thank you!!

Also I’m stealing the idea of putting everything under a cut, which I have never done in my life (and probably should start doing) bc it makes things neat as heck. Almost none of these are in a particular order.

Top 5 movies I saw this year:

Volevo Nascondermi by Giorgio Diritti - this movie is REALLY good AND I have good memories tied to the protagonist for Reasons I’m gonna cry bye (a shame that I’ve only watched this other excellent movie starring Elio Germano tonight bc it should be on this list)

Emma (2020)

The King’s Speech

Spirited Away or Porco Rosso - I had watched the first before and never the second so I think the fairer choice would be Porco Rosso but I’m not entirely convinced of it

The Wolf of Wall Street - look, I simply have a weak spot for stories that are so absurd they can be nothing but real (see “the other Elio Germano movie”)

Top 5 TV shows I watched this year:

Murdoch Mysteries - it will stay engraved in the first place of EVERY chart in saecula saeculorum and NO nothing can take its place I don’t care

Peaky Blinders

Alias Grace - which I was sure was a movie? I was so shocked to discover it isn’t like was it really six hours long what the

The Queen’s Gambit

Suburra: Blood on Rome - “The series was developed by Daniele Cesarano and Barbara Petronio for Netflix, making it its first Italian-language original television series.” I’ll be honest, some bits were a little bit hmm-inducing. Not the best tv series I’ve ever seen, but it managed to be fun and easy to watch. Suspenseful even!

Top 5 Songs:

So there’s a reason why Spotify said I’m an octogenarian this year and for as much as I complain about it... it’s right... Spotify’s right. And it will only get worse, I’m afraid. All the songs are from the same playlist which was my most listened to (and is the most interesting to share imo). I swear I have listened to other, newer things as well.

Shake That Thing by The Abe Lyman’s California Orchestra

Night Hawk Blues by The Coon-Sander’s Nighthawk Original Orchestra

Where the Sweet Forget-Me-Nots Remember by Merle Johnston and His Ceco Couriers (I’ve loved these flowers since I was a kid it was so nice to find a song with them in the title!!)

Dew Dew Dewey Day by Nat Shilkret

The Panic is On by Mezz Mezzrow And His Swing Band

Top 5 Books I Read This Year:

so this is embarrassing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I “bought” an insane amount of books and read a grand total of...like...t w o. It was actually like four and some short stories (which I hated and are therefore banished from the good boy list) so I’m gonna list my silly little titles and make my silly little comments about them all. From “””””best””””” to “worst” we have:

The Adventures of a Modest Man by Robert W. Chambers - I literally cannot shut up about this book and, yes, it is the one tied to this illustration, about which I equally cannot shut up about. It’s so horrible that it makes a 360 and comes back as good, but not before hitting you with a cardboard tube for a laugh and subsequently stabbing you in the kidneys just because it can. I think we can confidently state that we are in the “I didn’t say it was good, I said I liked it” realm. I have so many questions about this book. Why was it written? Was it taking itself seriously? Was it commissioned by someone? Why is it so gay but only if you know that the author is a man? Maybe it’s a parody? Was it an experiment made by the author to test his own skill? I know jack about literature, unfortunately, so grain of salt here but it made me feel strong feels. Not that I could identify any of them if you asked, but they’re definitely there.

Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats by T.S. Eliot - I’m counting this in bc what is a book if not a patchwork of silly little paragraphs anyway so yes, we have a collection of poems. Not only do I know jack about literature; as a matter of fact, I know jack about poetry as well! All I’m gonna say is: I like cute things, I like cats, the poems were cute AND about cats. I really liked it! I often find myself going back and reading again specific parts just for the delight it is to read them out loud! I also may or may not have named the cats you can adopt in Stardew Valley after some of Eliot’s cats. The movie Cats (2019) did one good thing: making me read this.

How You Can Keep Fit by Rudolph Valentino - Yes, that is correct. A book on fitness written (in English!) by silent movie superstar Rodolfo Valentino. It is less than 100 pages on real, actual exercises that the reader can replicate in the comfort of their own house with little to no equipment. With a sprinkle of old timey manly manner of speaking, a few anecdotes from the author’s childhood in ye merry Italian countryside, a dusting of precious advice against ice-cream, and a dash of genuine intrigue for these newly discovered “vitamins” everyone is talking about. Overall a fascinating read that I treasure dearly! Valentino also wrote a book of poems, which I am absolutely thrilled to read this year.

For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway - Hmm.. I have mixed feelings about this one. Whenever the original language of a book is English, I instinctively want to read it in that language. Because I can! And because that way I get to read exactly what the author wrote. If it was another language, I’d get a translation, make peace with the fact that selling my soul to acquire perfect knowledge of all things is morally questionable, and call it a day. Problem: I’m a sucker for old books. And old books I did find indeed. There were three books by Hemingway for sale, very pretty, and for an almost symbolic price too so I bought them. They are Italian translations from the late 50s and my plan was to go through one in Italian, one in English, and after that, decide in which language to read the last one. I believe it was a mistake for me to start with Italian in Hemingway’s case. He’s known for having a very, VERY peculiar style that is integral to how the novels are perceived and I feel like I've robbed myself of literal peace of mind. For as much as I found the story interesting, I could not ignore the voice in the back of my head that kept wondering “was it necessary to render it like this?”. It did make me feel feels and think thoughts, but honestly? It was partially for the wrong reasons imo. It’s one of those books you should read at least once in your life, I guess, so I’m definitely glad I did it! Surprisingly, it captured me more than I expected and trapped me into its little world. I could clearly imagine the scenes in my head, which hadn’t happened in years! I’m really excited to move on to the next two books and finally be able to say if I appreciate his style or not.

Top 5 positive things that happened to me in 2020:

Visited Rome and took a stroll around on my own (sort of) for the first time in my life. I had never seen it at night :) Right after that I celebrated my birthday and got some cute gifts, including sweets that were sent all the way from Australia!!

Managed to buy my mom a gift, which is possibly the only real Accomplishment of 2020.

Took a bizarre trip this summer (I know, guilty) and fell in love with Slovenia

Discovering I like textile arts kinda gave me hope for myself and for the future. I say kinda for I dare not think concretely of anything too positive lest it should be prematurely taken from me. I shan’t elaborate. It is what it is.

Therapy!!!

The last few months of 2020 really hit me hard whereas in the beginning nothing was too bad so it was nice to see the list growing and growing! So many tiny good things happened and it’s worth to cling onto them. I’m tagging @sonicysuchillydog, @nurmilintunen, @alfonzone and anyone else who’d like to participate!! “Tell them I sent you” lol. Guys.............if you don’t feel like going thru your 2020 feel free to ignore bc......I get it............................

[serpentsapple]

(This post includes major spoilers for The Grisha Trilogy and the Shades of Magic series.)

@dykeblight replied to our introductory post with the following:

alright bud since u decided to put this in the main tags of the books ur critiquing ur ready to hear my take on this. first of all the wording in this post is pretentious as hell and it bothered me all thru out reading it. second of all, let’s lay some shit down: the only books ive read discussed in this post are adsom and tgt, and while i agree that tgt isn’t the most radically feminist book series out there, i have to ask: why are u focused on women writing this? why is this post generalizing

horrible male authors but name dropping female ones? alinas journey was largely about her realizing that she could make her own choices. about her not needing to be queen or supreme ruler or some shit. about how she could literally settle down with the worlds most boring dude and still be happy. anyways, beyond that: adsom. first of all, whenever someone pulls the “not like other girls” card for lila, i have to pull the “she’s genderfluid” card. it wasn’t Explicitly stated in the series, and v

has expressed regret for that, so it’s probably going to be more obvious in the next series. also, adsom is very much a period piece. you couldn’t be a woman in the early nineteenth century doing what lila did without like, yknow, *not being a woman.* the threat she got on that first ship— a period piece! if it was a male author, then that’s gross. but it’s not, a woman wrote it! lila also proceeded to burn the whole goddamn ship down. sometimes authors don’t want to write traditionally feminine

characters!!! sometimes women want to write about what THEY can relate to! and ve schwab, as a queer woman, probably did that. so now we come back to the question of WHY are you calling out only female authors for this? you could have accomplished the same goal by just including books and authors that you deemed Respectable. not to be that bitch, but there was literally no reason for you to post this lmfao. i think we should first tackle the issue that is men having access to keyboards, and

maybe then we can broaden our horizons by critiquing everything women do thats decidedly not perfect.                            

We created this blog to discuss these topics, so we welcome other opinions and interpretations!

To reiterate our goal and perhaps clarify... male authors already receive enough publicity and analysis - to the point they eclipse, at times, their female peers, even when it comes to writing female characters. How wonderful of them to treat fictional women as fellow human beings! (How shameless of others to treat them as their personal sexual fantasy!) Yet we would like to hear what women have to say about themselves. It is why we focus exclusively on their works.

Furthermore, we believe these works as worthy of analysis as any text written by a man. And it is precisely because of this conviction - their books potentially as grandiose, as mediocre as any man’s - that we will not refrain from criticising them. To treat them differently would be implicitly agreeing with the notion they aren’t as intellectually engaging as men’s writings.

Moreover, we are not advocating for “feminist” books from women. In fact, we dislike this qualifier: too often misattributed, rarely useful, always commercial. We desire convincing female characters, as talented as they are flawed, as just as they can be immoral. Thus, while we have grown tired of uncreative, unnecessary sexism in fantasy, we are not expecting perfect little militants in every story. We expect to be moved and stunned, to be left inspired or reflecting on what we read.

I hope this has cleared up our intent with the blog. Now, for the specific series discussed...

While I could see this be Bardugo’s aim for Alina’s journey, I disagree with it being well executed. Narratively speaking, I do not think Alina was treated fairly and was able to make true choices. Throughout all three books, Alina remained unobservant and somewhat self-centered, never challenging the affirmations of others and instead regarding them as truth. Let’s take the example of the Darkling: she accepts his supposed initial good intentions and views him, to the very end, as some kind of lost and anguished “boy”. Yet that isn’t what the text shows - on the contrary, the Darkling is a hollow character that spent centuries sitting on his behind, doing nothing for his fellow Grisha. Alina is never given the chance to realise this and reevalute what happened to her.

Beyond this, I feel like Alina’s journey was contrived from the start. Bardugo does not allow her to see beyond the words of others, nor does she allow her to actually grow. Alina’s crush on Mal and her fixation on remaining with him - despite him disliking what she is! - stems from a child’s anxiety and solitude. Instead of becoming her own woman, making her own choices and yes, having to face losing relationships, Alina regresses to the safety of her childhood, powerless and normal, just like Mal. Let us remember that, to remain with him, she sealed her powers within herself, endangering her health! So symbolically, it is a slap in the face: just when she embraced her powers - meaning letting go of her fears, of Mal -, she loses it all and go back to square one.

This is why I don’t find Alina’s journey satisfying. Even if it hurts, I wish to see female characters confronted to their fears and their flaws, and grow from them*. That is not what we witnessed with Alina. And: why is it that female characters must be “depowered”? Why does the Darkling (and Ilya Morozova) get to keep his immense powers, must live with his guilt, yet Alina loses every and any scrap of magic? Why is she punished for her greed so much, when she hardly is the greediest? (This echoes also Genya’s “punishment”, so heavily tied to her being a beautiful woman and beauty being, in Bardugo’s world, a key quality for women. Nikolai’s monstruous transformation is cruel but never specifically targeted at his sex.)

Why is it female characters only whose “happy” ending involve going back to their boyfriend’s house, complete with potential children? In a fantasy world, is it the best we can offer to these characters? Why does “making her own choice” usually involve them being unambitious and - I am barely caricaturing - happy housewives? Where are the female characters being greedy, powerful to the point of madness, and fascinatingly ruthless? Where are the genius, the good but scheming inventors and princesses? Where are the female Darklings and the female Nikolais?

Yes, it may not be Alina’s story and that’s alright. But reading the story she received, I could not help wondering: is it truly her story, or is it her story in a narrative unfair to women?

As for Lila... what Schwab stated confusingly in interviews or twitter threads cannot be used to analyse the text itself, though it may help. In this case, it holds a very different perspective from what she may affirm outside of it, so let’s keep close to what she wrote.

I disagree that it is a period piece. Her series is firmly set in a fantasy version of our world, with four alternate but equally real Londons, and with interactions between them that differentiate her England from ours. She chose to keep this England similar to ours, so the departure from it could be obvious; she chose, again, to have Lila threatened with rape by sailors even in Red London, her full invention. She chose, still, to never mention the miserable reality of lots of poor women like Lila in our England - namely, prostitution. She picked what suited her, as authors do, yet could not come up with any other plot than sexual assault. That she is a woman does not excuse her utter lack of imagination on that front! I find the notion that female characters are condemned to sexual threats depressing, on top of insulting towards authors who still strive to be creative.

And this is all ignoring what Schwab forced her other female characters to endure, which is sexual slavery, somewhat coerced pregnancies and social isolation, plus being sexist caricatures and butchered so men could be sad about it. In that context, what is Schwab exactly saying about women, if even her heroine is misogynistic and desperately trying to escape this reality? If Lila isn’t a woman - which she is in the text, she never denies being one, she only affirms being different, meaning a full human being! -, does that mean women’s place is in caricature and distress and death? If she is, then must they reject their womanhood and deride other women to be in the spotlight?

And this is all, again, ignoring that Schwab who, yes, admitted wanting to write a female character she wished to see in fiction, that resembled her... had Lila’s whole development derailed in favour of male characters. Lila’s ambition and excessiveness vanished in a third book dedicated to temptation! Lila’s anger and recklessness receded in front of Holland, all so we could learn about his sad backstory. Which involved, as salt to the wound, the stereotypes of a greedy girlfriend and the ever failing mother Schwab is so fond of.

Our post never suggested that women should not write non traditionally feminine women. Rather, that would be quite refreshing! I would love to read about these women that we hardly see.

Is it what Schwab wrote, though? Lila indeed crossdresses and appears androgynous enough to sometimes pass as a man (not always, in a manner that is most convenient to the author). Yet: she constantly mocks other women for being vapid, gossiping, feminine, in a word weak. Yet: Schwab has her, in the second book, attend a ball dressed femininely and feeling insecure about it, all to state she is - quoting! - “not most girls” and have Kell, her love interest, compliments her. She has the happy tomboy reaffirmed as able to be feminine and beautiful that way! How is that not depressing for every woman and girl who never want to be feminine? Why did Schwab choose to have her in a dress instead of a suit, like Lila would probably have preferred? Why did Schwab choose to strictly divide women and men into two categories, dress-wearing and not-dress-wearing? Why is Lila alone in her plight as an androgynous woman? Why didn’t this fantasy world have women and men dressed in a way they felt comfortable with?

This isn’t a period piece. Schwab was free to make that choice... and she did not. I would add, too, that women in real life have always struggled and fought against misogyny. They were women and they were still complex human beings and they still tried to live as comfortably as they could. Sometimes they failed, yes, because society wouldn’t want them to. But women like Lila have existed, and behaved like her, and dressed like her, and dreamed as big as her. Why should not we expect as much of fiction, then?

Sidenote: I am especially critical of that awful “tomboy turns into a lady” trope that fandom will seize it and run. It is disheartening to see countless edits and fanarts of Lila depicting her as feminine instead of androgynous as she was written, and often in feminine clothing at that. So if even the narrative later ends up confirming it...

*Or perhaps spiral down, willingfully blind. Alina’s story isn’t supposed to be a tragedy, however, so this does not apply here.

(If you don’t mind, I would like to hear why you found the post’s wording pretentious?)

[rosesanthology]

Escape Plan | Matsukawa Issei x F!Reader [mafia!AU]

This took me SO MUCH TIME to write aaaaaah it's not surprising that it's so long :0 i just have many many feelings for Matsukawa Issei ALSO im begging y'all to listen to the playlist before/as you read please !!

Im kinda pissed that i cant add a "read more" option since im on mobile tho :\

(Also ngl at first i planned to get one of the 2 shot but i didn't have the heart to go thru with it)

Warnings : Fluff, it starts with humor but at some point it gets angsty ???? Idk y'all tell me

- Au that could be considered as a ennemies-to-lovers type of situation

[Tags] : @raevaioli and @haikoo like i cannot stress this enough @haikoo this your main manz

- if you could only use one sentence to describe your job to a Karen it would be : stealing from the rich in order to trick other rich people

- you had been what the people would call a spy for most of your life now, the Tokyo based Nekoma Organisation being something close to a family

- you worked with both of your very good friends, Kuroo Testurou and Kozume Kenma

- Kuroo, the leader of your little squad, had been the first one to open up to you when you joined

- he was a gifted chemistry genius and you were sure he could make any poison or soporific out of the most random stuff

- he also had insane combat and physical abilities which made him fit to act in a lab as well as on mission grounds

- Kenma was a little more reserved at first, he was the same age as you but still was really reluctant to accept you as one of his own at first

- when he saw how much Kuroo trusted you and how interested you were in his work he slowly but surely found himself caring for you

- to put it simply Kenma, better known as "apple pi" was a hacker. His job ranged from creating computer viruses to full on enabling the security of whole museums

- despite his cute appearance and shy demeanor he was probably the scariest of you three

- finally, you Y/L L/N was the infiltration and weapons expert of the group, you could weild literally anything from guns, to swords to,,,,,metal rods (but you don't wanna talk about this one) and you were of great help when deciding which infiltration angle was the best in missions

- Kuroo, under the orders of Boss Nekomata, quickly taught you the dangers and ways of the job during your first months working with them, the organisation specializing in outsmarting rich bastards and stealing their precious ressources in order to make "better use of them"

- if they were hoarding a particularly efficient brand of medicine, your goal was to steal it all, and sell it to people in need for free or a low price

- if they were in possession of some important object like let's say,,,,,the construction plans for the emperor's new vacation house, you stole it, made copies to sell at a high price to the highest bidder and your good affiliate, the Fukurodani Corporation would keep an eye on the original as part of their personnal collection, you were fine with that

- yeah they were others organisations like that in Tokyo, your friends from the Fukurodani Corp of course but also the Shiratorizawa elite crime group with who you had worked a couple times before

- ah and there was the Yakuzas too....honestly they were the only group in Tokyo with whom you were still on dangerous terms with

- they didn't like Nekoma in their affairs and you didn't like them in yours, but you tolerated each other

- your boss had established a truce with the representant of the big Yakuza group of your area, Kondo "the viper" Takara, a truly scary woman who had blasted her way to the one of the top positions of the hierarchy

- she even had a cool nickname ヾ(｀ε´)ノ

- but you knew better than to mess with them

- all in all y'all kept doing your jobs well, not bothering anybody

- except for one remaining rivalry with some Miyagi group

- the Aoba Johsai Institution.

- well, rivalry would be a strong word because you kinda got along with that Iwaizumi guy, he was a great hand to hand combat fighter and you respected that

- the others however ? Trash. 👁3👁

- they seem to act like Tokyo will be their territory in the next 5 seconds flat like ??

- THEY DON'T EVEN GO THERE ????

- "they be acting like they can just swoop in and eat OUR rich" you had told Kuroo and Kenma one day over ramen

- spoiler alert : it was a bad idea cause Kuroo snorted and almost made the noodles go up his nose

- no but seriously they always seemed to take advantage of YOUR missions to attract attention

- how did they even know which missions you were on anyway ??? (Kenma and Kunimi are actually good friends cause they play video games together but he'd never tell you that)

- it's like that one time you infiltrated a business company's heir's residence and then you came across a dude named Hanamaki and you had the HARDEST time whisper shouting to him how blowing up the whole place was a bad idea to retrieve one (1) diamond

- at the end you felt so tired that you gave it to him anyway ಥ_ಥ ("just take it ffs" "really ??" "Don't make me regret this")

- they also had the single worst person ever on one of their teams.

- Matsukawa Issei

- just thinking about it made you want to take your metal bat and break something in your shared room with your two other friends

- seriously that guy was like the epitome of clownery

- he's also supposed to be his team's gun expert except that's not the best task for someone who refuses to take anything with him but his freaking FISTS

- the first time you had met y'all ended up being on the same case to assassinate some guy who had kidnapped some cute freckled kid from a place in Miyagi called Karasuno

- EXCEPT HE WAS IN TOKYO SO IT WAS YOUR DUTY !!! NOT HIS !!!!

- you had Kenma on the earbud telling you about the guy's position in the club you were currently one street away from. You were posted on the rooftop of a building with a sniper rifle ready to get done with it and go save the kid but GUESS WHO COMES IN FISTS SWINGING WHEN YOU LITERALLY HAD THE TARGET IN SIGHT

- and he had the nerve to look straight toward your rifle's aim and flip you off while smirking

- sir you're about to catch these hands🚶🏽

- he had knocked him out alright and he got the young boy out but you were NOT ready to let that slide so you quickly got down and crossed path with him at the back exit of the club

- "what exactly do you think you were doing in there ?" Listen. You may have sounded confident enough saying that but you had NO idea that this dude was like a whole ass giraffe

- and he knew he was tall so he had the audacity to say

- "sorry can't hear you so well from down there midget, i was just doing my job (▰˘◡˘▰)" if it weren't for the karasuno boy being right there you would have stabbed his kneecaps on sight

- anyway after that y'all just seemed to run into each other wayyyy too often

- insults were shared just as often tho

- "well butter my buns and call me betty broker if it isn't my sweet little midget shooting people !"

- "stfu before i choke you"

- "kinky but can you reach my neck ?"

- "you've sunk low enough"

-so yeah f u n  t i m e s

- aside from that, business was going great but Kuroo had had news of a very important mission for you but he insisted on letting Boss Nekomata tell you about it himself for some reason

- he'd never done that :(

- you were kinda hurt that your best friend was hiding stuff from you tbh :(

- and Kenma did not seem to know more than you for now

- so you spent a whole week just mopping around

- sometimes you would go and poke fun and the newbie Lev Haiba but it wasn't the same

- Kuroo and Kenma kept working on missions while you were left waiting for that one assignment that Nekomata seemed to keep you for

- until today when Kuroo finally told you that the boss was requesting you in his office

- ngl you were EXCITED

- maybe you would have to zipline down the Tokyo tower (σ≧▽≦)σ maybe he was going to let you take a chainsaw with you this time (σ≧▽≦)σ

- maybe he- "oh" you deadpanned, stepping foot into the office and seeing none other than your arch nemesis, Matsukawa Issei in all his pisces clown glory

- "why tf are you there shitty eyebrows"

- "i had a good day too Y/N ! thanks for asking :D" today was the day. You were 100% ready to kill him and the knife that was attached to your thigh strap seemed like such a good option rn-

- "stop it you two. Y/N take a sit" Nekomata gestured, as you didn't hesitate to listen to your superior even fully aware of Mattsun's eyes annoyingly following your every movement

-"Okay so. Y/N i know you may be wondering why Matsukawa's here but to put it simply we've been informed that a rich family have gotten their hands on one of Aoba Johsai's rarest item : a gold engraved katana that belonged to their first boss"

- "so what do you need us for ?" You didn't mean to use "us" but you knew better than to piss off your boss, he was like a parental figure come on

- "i need you guys to infiltrate an auction held by said family and steal it back in the span of one week. It's up to you to work together or not but keep in mind that our arrangement states that we're autorised to make copies of the katana for future sells."

- you guys nodded, after all you were professionnals before everything and you were about to leave when Nekomata put something on the table

- "here are the keys to your appartment near the auction site it'll be your hideout !"

-.....now this had to be a cruel joke-

- "id rather sleep under a bridge then live with her for a whole week"

- "wow this is the first time we agree on something Mattsun" the oh so familiar nickname dripped in venom as you said it, unsure of what was supposed to happen

- "oh yes you could but i suppose that you don't have the supplies and tools that you will definitely need during that mission :)"

- you locked eyes with the brunette for a minute before reluctantly stomping to the table and grabbing hold of the keys and adress written on a paper, storming out of the door,  letting out a loose "come on shitty eyebrows we have data to collect" to your new....partner ? Ugh it was about to be a long week

-  it turns out the appartment was a lot smaller than you hoped for, with two single person beds, a computer post and different storing purposed furniture

- it was a common thing however, because the last thing an undercover spy would want is to draw attention with a flashy hideout

- the first step was to gather information on who would be at the auction which shouldnt be too hard

- "hey ill take the lead and contact my friend so that he can determine who is going to be here" you said as you sat on the chair in front of the computer

- "mm yeah you do that ill check what kind of weapons have been provided to us" Mattsun had no difficulty finding them as the drawers well full of them....this was very promising

- Kenma had just sent you the list of people that had been invited to the event, and you recognised many names as being members of the powerful Yakuza group lead by Konda Takara, of course.....the infamous viper herself

- you called out to Mattsun to show him and briefly explained what they were up too and how they usually fonctionned

- the auction was to take place the last 3 days after an opening party, leaving the rest of the week for preparations

- they usually took their time in comitting their crimes so you thought that stopping them mid plan by taking advantage of it was the best way to get the sword

- Mattsun didn't have anything to say for the moment, seemingly thoughtful about the whole situation

- "just so you know" you started, already regretting the decision of talking in your head, "i don't plan on being friends with you anytime soon but i feel like for this we should at least try not to rip each other's hair out"

- "i never planned on that second option"

- "huh ?"

- "i hope you know that we've never had a single conversation without insults of some kind before so for the sake of both of us it would be better to actually get to know each other since we're supposed to work together"

- you hated to admit it

- but he was right

- however you didn't comment on it, opting for throwing him a dry "let's sleep" before plopping yourself on your own bed on the other side of the room

- this is about to be one hell of a week

-3 days had passed in the crammed appartement both you and Mattsun struggling to inform yourself on each specific individual that was going to be present at the auction

- right now, you were both sitting on the floor, wearing simple oversized shirts and pyjama pants and shorts, cheese pizza box laying on top of the document covered surface

- "Mattsun, pass me the paper about Okuda Takeda please" :000

- Matsukawa froze, because he knew that in 2 days of living together y'all had establised that you wouldn't be at each other's throats

- but hearing you using his nickname unironically and saying please ???? That was still something he had to get used to

- "what are you staring at ? Give me the paper shitty eyebrows >:[" ah there she was

- "thats my girl" he thought, handing you the document and resuming his own reading

- here's the catch : Mattsun was head over heels in love with you since like day 1 that Hanamaki told him about this pretty girl who let him take the diamond from his mission. He tried to repress his feelings as he had noticed that you seemed way closer with your friend Kuroo who he had seen on missions with you

- maybe you liked him

- he would understand, he seemed way more confident than him and he was also probably way smarter since he was a genius and all

- also the way you were always soft to him and not Matsukawa kinda got to him

- he wanted you to hug HIM after a mission too and NOT insult him

- but he judged it for the better as he still got to be close to you in his own way with the playful fights you always seemed to pick with him

- it was easier than confronting his feelings or rejection

- this mission proved to make things so much harder for him tho

- like yeah he saw you being a badass plenty of other times but now ?

- he got to see you being all clingy and grumpy in the morning (he never knew being called a dumbass while you were falling back asleep on his shoulder was his thing but hey) , got to see your nose scrunch up when you were focusing on mapping out the position of the vent system of the venue

- he could go on for hours about how much he loved you and your plan was not making it easy.....profiting off the yakuzas' plan took way too much waiting and he understood that you wanted it to go as well as possible but he just couldn't keep living like this until then

- it felt like torture

- and he did not want to see you in that gorgeous dress that you were supposed to wear at the auction during the infiltration

- he knew that a couple more days could drive him crazy and make him do dumb shit like kissing you

- he had thought about that a lot of times but never brought himself to do it because je knew it was pointless

- he had to take action now

- the night of the opening ceremony, the day before the Yakuzas would start their scheme

- both of you were laying in your beds, awake, that was a habit you had developped over the past nights, you were just, aware of each other's presence and then sometime you would ask him something about his life, his friends, himself

- it made his heart beat too fast everytime and he could feel himself falling even more by the second when he heard you giggling talking about the time you pulled a prank on your friend Yaku with Kuroo

- he knew that you were already very sleepy from the way you were slurring your words

- "Y/N do you hate me ?" He said, abruptly and he heard a strangled laugh coming from you followed up by the question

- "what's that for dummy ?"

- "please answer" he asked in a whisper, sounding almost desperate

- you took a second to think about it

-you had grown quite close to your tall partner in such a short period of time, even letting your guard down and stopping from being so defensive

- "i don't hate you....i could never" you said the last part more to yourself tho but Matsukawa didn't miss it, he wished he did as he heard the soft sighs coming from your now sleeping form

- his heart ached as he got up, putting on his black coat over his mathing turtleneck shirt, taking his gun and spare map of the auction venue

- you were totally going to hate him now....

- and then he left for the opening party

- the rain was pouring outside

- for some reason you couldn't sleep well that night

- that only happened whenever Kuroo was out on a mission at night or Kenma was working in his office

- you hated sleeping alone, you couldn't do it

- being alone was the one thing you dreaded the most in your life, death was nothing if nobody knew where you were, if nobody aknowledged your existence you weren't alive

- but Mattsun was there and you trusted him.

- yeah you were kind of an ass to him during like 90% of your interactions with him but you just didn't know how to talk to him ??? He was so strong and good at what he did so you couldn't help but feel admiration but also intimidation

- yet you've felt probably more comfortable with him than anyone in your life (yes even Kuroo and Kenma weirdly enough)

- it was a nice feeling

- maybe it was because you saw him differently than them...

- but anyway

- you felt like yourself around him

- and yet

- why couldn't you sleep ?

- "Mattsun ?" You called out to him, voice cracked from not having used it for a while

- no answer

- maybe he didn't hear you over the rain....?

- you had a bad feeling about this

- "Mattsun ?" You called out a little louder, sitting up

- yep definitely

- you turned on the light and to your surprise, Matsukawa was nowhere in sight

- your heart sunk at the realization

- you were alone

- what about the plan ? Ah its true that he never said anything about it

- did he not trust you enough with it ? Did he think you were too assertive ?

- you wanted to cry but it seemed as if your brain wasn't working, your body rushing on its own to check the date and time on your phone : past 10pm on thursday night.....

- the opening party !

- "shit shit shit he must have gone there to take them by surprise wtf is he thinking doing this alone?" You thought aloud, maybe it would trick your body into not being scared

- at this point you were terrified, rushing to get the red dress on as well as putting your 2 guns under each of your thigh straps

- is he alone ? Surrounded by highly trained and dangerous Yakuzas ? What if....you were too late ?

- you didn't have time to think too much about it as you knew that this kind of thoughts led nowhere.

- you had to infiltrate that party the fastest you've ever done in your life and see for yourself, luckily, the venue was only a few crossroads away from your appartment

- truth was Mattsun's plan was not so bad

- after all you had insisted on making him find info on every staff member there too so it's thanks to you if he just so happened to know what type of guy that one waitress liked in order to flirt with her and convince her that he had forgotten his watch in one of the closed off aeras of the venue

- the place was absolutly gigantic, after all it was a mansion bought will illegal money

- he hated this, he just wanted to get it over with, retrieve the sword, gtfo and go back to Miyagi forever so that he wouldn't feel the pain of the illusion of being by your side when you were clearly far ahead of him

- you'd always been anyway

- he had finally reached the generator room and opened the vents with much difficulty as the room was a mess of cardboard boxes and storage shelves

- he was just going to cut the power, which would take about 15 minutes to get back, allowing him to go thru the vents to the main hall that was right thru the wall to his side, retrieve the sword and just make a run for it

- hopefully the rain would cover most of the sound he made so that was even better

- see that would have been great if he hadn't felt the icy cold metal of a gun at the nape of his neck as he was fiddling with the generator

- he had been caught.

- it was the end.

- shit he fucked the whole mission over and now even you didn't have a chance to-

- "what exactly do you think you're doing Mattsun ?" You said coldly even tho the hurt in your tone didnt go unnoticed by the taller man

- "haha Y/N whatchu doing here on this fine night ? You look stunning btw"

- "Cut the crap shitty eyebrows i asked you a question"

- you finally lowered your gun allowing your harsh glare to show how upset you truly were

- damn, Matsukawa really felt shitty :\

- he'd never seen you like that- well not soaked from the rain but....so vulnerable to him

- all your feelings talks happened in the dark of night in your hideout, he'd never seen your face look so pained before

- "I did what was best for both us..."

- "bullshit." He wasn't sure that he believed himself either to be honest

- "what the fuck are you even doing anyway ? I thought you and i were in this mission together ?? Did nothing matter to you ? I finally think that i found someone who i could trust other than my fucking family and that's what you do ? Ditch me for your own profit ?? You did what was best for your damn self Matsukawa"

- you were upset. He got it really, his insecurities had gotten the best of him like they often did....except he didn't have the strength to confront them, to confront you about it. So he got it and he didn't retaliate.

- "so what ?? You're not even going to say anything ?? Not even TRY to fucking apologize ? Do you really don't care ?" You searched for his eyes, but little did you know that he just....couldn't talk nor maintain eye contact with you right now

- "Mattsun...i thought you and i had...something ? I don't know maybe i hallucinated or some shit but i thought we were at least friends you know ? D-did you ever tolerate me at all ?"

- your voice cracked, it got lower and it cracked, and at that moment he was sure his heart broke right at this instant too

- he wanted to tell you that that was the farthest thing from the truth

- he wanted to tell you that he loved you

- but you were too far. Once again, you were miles ahead of him, more than ever

- and the sound of voices coming from the corridor did NOT HELP

- you could not afford being found here so with the professionalism left in you, you pushed your feelings away and pulled Mattsun behind a shelf, crouching and waiting

- you were so close he could feel you shivering from the cold and he felt so so bad

- but now was not really the moment

- "didn't you hear shouting ?" Shit. Maybe you should have waited until getting out of here for your heart to heart because this guard was definitely not trippin

- there were 2, luckily they didn't have the idea to split up to search the room, all you had to do was move low and close to the walls in order reach the door and well....the katana literally could not matter less to any of y'all rn

- at this moment you really regretted going out in such a hurry completly forgetting to contact Kenma, he could have hacked into the camera system and told you were they were so easily.....

- anyway, despite that you guys were stealthy enough to get out if the room

- now the problem was getting out of here.....

- you held Mattsun's wrist loosely as you ran thru the corridor of the building, thunder raging and labored breathing filling the silence

- "Y/N we could get out from the rooftop !" Right....if you could only get there then maybe you could just parcour your way out of this by getting on other rooftops....damn you were glad Matsukawa always thought of every escape plan possible

- you didn't really mean what you said earlier

- yes, you were disappointed but, you were also scared for his dumbass

- and rn may not be the best moment to realize it as you were most likely in a life of death situation but....you loved him

- fuck you loved him so much that you were running in a goddamn dress right now

- "i truly hoped it wasn't you" said a voice from the end of the lobby

- of course it just had to be the Yakuza boss you dreaded so much

- Kondo was just standing there, arms crossed but you knew better than to take her lightly

- "did you come to retrieve it ?" Its funny how her voice seemed to dominate even the full on storm outside, the occasional lightning bolt shining light from the huge windows into the corridor

- "No....let us pass please we just want to leave" Mattsun felt how tensed you were and immediatly rested his hand on his gun handle under his coat

- "yeah sure sweetheart but only if you tell your guard dog to calm down unless he wants me to cut his fingers clean off" she threatened nonchalantly as her hand met the handle of her own katana strapped to her belt

- Matsukawa was deadass glaring at her so hard you didn't recognise him

- he honestly looked like he could take her on but...you didn't feel like testing this theory tonight

- "hey hey, it's alright" you soothed him, putting your hand on his arm and squeezing slightly

- it seemed to work because he quickly let go of his gun even tho he was still glaring

- "let us go" he said firmly

- she pushed herself out of the way and motionned with her arm as if to say "go on~" in the most theatrical way

- you passed her without issues and soon found yourself on the roofs as planned in Mattsun's escape route and made it safely to the streets, rain still pouring

- you were finally letting out a breathe you didn't know you were holding all this time

- you were alive and most importantly, so was he

- you turned around and were ready to say something when he cut you off by grabbing your arms and pulling you into a kiss

- it was short but it managed to get his point across very well as well as warm you up when he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his forehead against yours

- "i love you Y/N....i swear i didn't mean to hurt you and put you in danger like that....if i knew i would have done things differently i-"

- "i love you too Mattsun and it's never been a problem to me, i've done way more dangerous things in my life than rescue my boyfriend from getting killed dummy"

- in the end, you weren't alone

- somehow he had become, your escape plan from it

[deukaeloveclub]

Okay I’m really curious what your tags mean for each idol!! I keep lookin at em n smilin👀🥰 like yeah she’s a good girl to date but what does others’ tags™️ mean 👀😂

Brewgie, my friend! It’s like my birthday has come early because you’ve given me a reason to talk about my tags 🤩🤩🤩 So I actually have a list of my tags just in case i forget because i have... a lot. This post would be hella long if I really did them all but I’ll limit it a bit

Let’s start with Dreamcatcher.  

Jiu is vampire tokki Tokki to represent her cuteness and vampire to represent her... oof-ness. Vampire because esp after you and i she was constantly wiping her mouth with the back of her mouth like she was a vampire. Tokki cuz that’s her animal. 

Sua’s main tag true leo is pretty self explanatory. aliphant is a combination of her english name alice and elephant her favorite animal and I use it when she’s being silly

Siyeon is gorgeous cutie gorgeous for oof-ness cutie for cuteness. sitting pretty because somehow she looks amazing even when she’s lounging around. Like she makes sitting looks so interesting and beautiful.

Handong is knowing eyes it’s kinda literal? She has heavier eye so always has a knowing look in her eyes? But it’s also a little not literal? (lol I’ve actually wrote this out before so this is a copy paste) So, Handong has a very classy/elegant vibe but she doesn’t feel unapproachable and I think it’s because of her eyes? There’s a playful mysteriousness there that’s daring you to get closer and follow her. So there’s this juxtapostition of her classy aura/appearance that seem unattainable and her warm eyes that give you hope that maybe she isn’t unattainable. 

Yoohyeon is tol koala because even thought she’s the tallest member she’s always clinging to someone. That’s just a cute tag I haven’t thought of a oof tag for her yet

Dami is panda prince because that’s her associated animal (cute) and she is dc’s prince (oof)

Gahyeon has a cute tag baby! and and oof tag come thru maknae. And actually this scream marks the first era where I have tagged her more with come thru maknae than baby! and I’m a little emotional about 😭

Let’s go twice who are basically my 2nd ult now

Nayeon a good girl to date a quote from Sixteen (she was absolutely right)

Jeongyeon was please leave me and my bias list alone when she was my bias wrecker but then she joined my bias tier so now her tag is get wrecked cuz that’s what she did to me

Jihyo is ma petit merde which means my little shit in french 😅 because she is a little shit and i don’t people acknowledge that enough because she’s the leader but she is?? but she’s also kinda amazing and wonderful and she’s cute enough that I’d let her get away with it as long as she let’s Nayeon live

Mina has pengy like penguin as a cute tag and miss myoui as a oof tag and then my love 💚be well always I made when she went on hiatus

Dahyun is tofu tofu tofu cuz it’s her nickname but more specifically from that one vlive that they asked Mina to read comments and no one her heard and then she yelled that she read a comment that said tofu tofu tofu

Chaeyoung is the thinker because I was really wowed by her thoughts after reading was it her gq interview? plus she’s a creative and it’s a reference to that sculpture.

NCT

Jaehyun is jaebae and son of aphrodite because I’m just super heart eyes at the man so yeah

Kun is king cap king because along with jaehyun he’s the top of my nct bias list and he’s the leader of wayv and cap because he is a proud and quite stereotypical capricorn

Johnny is soft professor so specifically I think I saw him in a certain sweater that made me think professor? but also he’s like tall and lean and goofy and witty so and I could imagine him as that nerdy but still attractive young professor everyone loves

Doyoung is not your bf because there was some video where he was taking “boyfriend” pics to post on sns for fans but then he paused for a moment and he was like “you know that boyfriends like this don’t exist in real life right?” but he still continued to post pics like that for fans ☺️

Mark is mork cuz it’s just a funny way of saying his name and mark just radiates awkward annoying little brother vibes to me 😂I’m so curious how his mind words cuz he says things and I’m just like what?

Jisung is giant lil bro because he’s so cute but he’s like a mile taller than me

LOONA

Kim Lip is my daughter she’s my bias, I love her a lot so I decided she’s my daughter now. 

Which makes Olivia Hye’s tag pretty funny cuz she’s my lil baby sister sometimes followed by the tag whom i love and adore. So I am the youngest sibling but I decided that I would give up my youngest sibling standing to have her be my little sister cuz she’s precious (even if she’s a maknae on top)

Haseul is our one true leader because “loona doesn’t have a leader” but we all recognize our leader 

Chuu is moon guardian as in she protects the “moon” or loona. I made it after the asc episode bc that was the first time i had seen chuu looking mad because people saying negative things about yves and that osen interview where they all talk about how much chuu hypes them up.

Hyunjin is center of my heart because I was so excited in butterfly when she got center in the second?last? chorus and I was like I need more of this but since we don’t get that she can still center in heart.

Yeojin is my lil star cuz I see so much potential in her so I can’t wait to see my little ace shine.

Heejin is the founder cuz she’s the first member of loona

Choerry is sun child because she’s a ray of sunshine

That’s a lot of them and this is pretty long so I’ll stop there. Feel free to ask about any others 😄

[jungshookz]

could u do college!jin x reader pls :( smth cute like having to share a table at the library bc its packed for finals !

let’s dO THIS

oh my god this gif,.., if he looks at y/n like this she will 100% shut down and that is a guarantee 

→ pairing: kim seokjin x reader

→ genre: college!au, fluffy hourz

→ wordcount: 1.3k

→ note: yet another baby drabble that spUn wildly out of control!!!!   

(gif isn’t mine!) (can we talk about jin in this fiT tho) 

you always go to the library regardless of if it’s finals szn or not because it’s quiet and cozy and there’s free wifi and billions of charging outlets anD the vending machines are always stocked 

so you’re veRy disappointed to find that your usual spot in the back of the library where all the couches are has been oCCUpied by someone else’s ass 

so you make ur way thru the library in an attempt to find another spot because the only reason why u came to campus today was to study and there’s no way you’re going to hop on a bus and head back to ur apartment because that would be a waste of time 

every time you spot a free seat you ask the people sitting at the table if you can join them and they’re always like …nah 

so now you look like an idiot because you’ve literally stopped at evEry single table and been like hey can i sit here!!!!! 

anyways 

jin!!!! spots you wandering around aimlessly clutching your textbooks and laptop to your chest with a divot in between your brows and a pitiful little pout on your lips because ??? there are no free tables anywhere and u just want to sit down and get some studying done 

:-( 

he feels bad because you look like a little puppy every time someone tells you that you can’t sit with them 

and he obviously doesn’t know who u are but he feels obligated to help you for some reason 

also 

ur kinda cute 

and he’s in the mood to whIP out his charm because he’s been studying for three hours and he needs to take a break before his brain actually shuts down 

alright 

well

you’re officially giving up

you don’t know what it is with these people

if there was an empty seat at a table you were sitting at and someone came over and asked if they could sit, you would certainly say yes instead of ploPping your backpack down on the seat and going like ‘sorry, seat’s taken!’ 

just put ur bag on the floor like everyone eLSE

you let out a little grumble when you get rejected for like the tenth time 

maybe you can find an empty classroom or someth-

you jump in surprise when you feel something hit the back of your head and you immediately spin around ready to fight whoever just aTTAcked you 

you blink down at the paper ball sitting at your feet before bending down to pick it up and uncrumple it 

what the h*ck 

it’s a 

it looks like a treasure map of some kind  

it’s a poorly drawn rendition of the library and is that.,., is that supposed to be u 

why is ur head so big 

:/ 

there’s an arrow pointing to you and it’s labelled ‘you are here!’ so yes that’s obviously supposed to be you 

the rows of bookshelves are drawn messily on either side of you 

the squares are meant to represent all the tables 

there’s a red x marked at the top of the page on a table located at the very end

you trace your finger from where you’re standing to the x 

..,all you have to do is walk straight ahead 

it’s not that hard to figure out 

hm 

you slowly make your way past all the tables that rejected you (you make sure to send a little glare at the girl who decided her bag was more important than another human being) until you finally spot a little red x (two red pens stacked on top of each other) sitting on the carpeted floor 

“hey, you figured it out!” you look over to see a vERY cute boy grinning right at you

oh boy 

he’s not just very cute

he’s very vERY handsome 

for a second you feel like maybe you know him from somewhere but then again you would definitely remember a face like that

he looks older than you and suddenly you feel a little intimidated 

“i-i’m sorry, do we know each other?” you whisper sheepishly and watch as he swoops down to pick his pens up before reaching up to adjust his glasses 

“no, we don’t.” he purses his pillowy lips and raises a brow “but from the looks of it, it seemed like you needed some place to sit.” he tilts his head and points to the seat across from him 

first of all 

was he like..,., watChing you while you were hunting for a spot 

second of all

.,.,why is he being so nice 

what are his ulterior motives 

you glance back at all the tables before turning to look at him with a little frown “i mean, yeah, i do, but-”

he clicks his tongue and cocks his head “and my offer expires in three, two, on-” 

“okAy i’m sitting!” you gasp and practically launch yourself at the chair before he gets to one 

you duMp your textbooks and your notebook out on the table and pull your pencil case out of your bag

if you unpack right now and get comfortable there’s no way he’s going to be able to kicK you off 

your eyes flicker up to him briefly and you see him eyeing your pencil case full of special note-taking pens (they’re ballpoint and they glide across the paper sO smoothly and u would literally kill someone if they tried to steal one from you) 

“you have a lot of pens” he points out and leans forward a little 

it’s definitely safe to assume you’re either in your first year or your second year because..,., third years and fourth years are noT that eager 

“you have a lot of highlighters” you gesture to the arrAy of highlighters scattered on top of his notebook 

“i’ll trade a highlighter for one of your pens” he raises a purple highlighter and you perk up interest

you don’t have a purple highlighter

but you would definitely like to add a purple highlighter to your collection

it would certainly spruce up your notes

you narrow your eyes at him “i don’t know… it looks pretty worn.”

“very observant.” he twists the highlighter in between his fingers “i can see i’m dealing with an expert.” 

it’s a silly comment but you find yourself blushing anyways 

huh

he has pretty hands too 

“by the way, thank you for letting me sit here…?”

he looks back up at you 

“seokjin. but you can call me jin if you’d like.” jin hums and looks back down at his notes “i’m in fourth year, in case you were wondering.” 

“well, thank you, jin. i’m y/n.” you smile softly and tuck a strand of hair behind your ear before diverting your gaze 

your suspicions were correct

he iS older 

and you are officially = I N T E R E S T E D 

“i’m in second year.” 

“ah, a sophomore! cute.” jin knows exactly what he’s doing and he loves seeing you react with a little scrunch of the nose 

ʰᵉ ᶜᵃˡˡᵉᵈ ᵘ ᵃ ˢᵒᵖʰᵒᵐᵒʳᵉ ⁿ ʰᵉ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵏˢ ᵘʳ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ

“by the way - my head is noT this big” you fold the crinkled sheet of paper up neatly and slide it back to him 

jin snorts and rolls his eyes playfully “i’m not an art student!! gimme a bReAk” 

u kno what

we won’t talk about the fact that you two were playin a lil game of footie under the table 

and we also won’t talk about the fact that jin wrote his number down on the treasure map for u and hid it in your textbook when you went to get some snacks to share 

aNd we also won’t talk about the fact that u gave jin one of ur special pens because u definitely have a crush on this random fourth-year student 

:~) 

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

drabble tag

[fangirlxwritesx67]

Not Scared (Dean x reader- request)

Tags: fluff, kidnapping, platonic

A/N This was an ask for @werewolfbarbie Their prompt was "Reader gets kidnapped by deranged hunters and Dean has to go on a solo mission to find her. Focus on the friendship." CAN you believe I wrote 2k words without a single smut?

You woke up with a start and opened your eyes. The room you were in was pitch dark and you were lying on a bed tied down with your wrists locked together. Your first instinct was to scream for help. Then you stopped. That's not what Dean would do. You had no idea where you were or who might hear you, friendly or unfriendly and so you waited. You had a throbbing headache that made it difficult to think but gradually you cast your mind back over how you could have possibly gotten into this situation.

You had been hunting with the Winchesters for several months now. It had started when they solved a case on campus at your college, a monster who was preying on the basketball team. One of the young men that had been killed was your roommate's boyfriend. You were there with her when the Winchesters told her the truth about what was going on. You and your roommate stayed with them while they gave the body a hunter's funeral, burning it to prevent anything else from happening. Sam comforted you're crying roommate while you and Dean kept watch.

You were impressed by his stoic compassion as well as his hunting skills, and when he left town you exchange numbers. For a little while you texted back and forth until one day your phone rang.

"Hey," said Dean, "want to go hunting?" Turns out there was a case in your hometown and the Winchesters were hoping that someone with local knowledge could help them out. You joined them on that case and never looked back. Most recently you had been tracking a case of -well at first you thought they were monsters, but the scenes kept turning up signs that hunters had already been there - rock salt, Devil's traps painted on the wall. You couldn't quite figure out what was going on but they always seemed to stay one step ahead of you. Dean, Sam and you had checked into a crummy motel in this crummy little town last night; the boys taking one room and you taking another. Before bed, you slipped out of your room go to the vending machine for a soda. No sooner had you pressed the button then strong hands grabbed you from behind.

"Help," you screamed, just once before a hand slapped over your mouth and you felt a knife at your throat.

"Scream again," said a voice in your ear, "and I'll cut your throat and leave you for those pretty little Winchester boys to find." Then your world went black.

So that's where you were. Kidnapped and tied up by, well, whoever it was that you had been tracking- monsters, hunters, both? Carefully, so as not to upset your pounding head, you turned and looked around the room. The only thing you could see was a tiny sliver of light under the door. You flexed your arms and legs, testing the strength of the bindings. It seems like you were strapped down with wide canvas straps across your hips, chest and feet while your hands were bound together with a piece of rope. You reached as far as you could but couldn't find any hope of freeing yourself. Just then the door opened and you started. A man flicked on a little lamp, and the golden light sent bolts of pain thru your head.

"I thought you were awake," he said. As he drew closer, you could see he was about the same age as the Winchesters. He looked rugged and strong, but an ugly sneer twisted his face. "I'm surprised I didn't hear you screaming."

"I'm not screaming because I'm not scared," you said, even though you were terrified.

"Not scared?" He asked with an evil chuckle. "I've kidnapped you and tied you to a bed in a dark room. How are you not scared?!"

"Dean will come for me," you told him, setting your chin defiantly.

"Yes he will, and that's exactly what we're counting on- Dean Winchester will come for his pretty little toy and then I will have my revenge."

"So this is what this is all about," the pieces started to come together in your head. "All of these killings- it's just been a way to get Dean Winchester's attention?"

The man clenched his fists angrily. "Dean Winchester got my brother killed in a hunt years ago. And damned if I won't have my revenge."

"How do you know it will work?" "Dean Winchester is the best in the business. Trust me, every hunter follows his methods. It was pretty easy to get him interested in monster killings and then I just waited for the right opportunity to snatch you up." "That's a lot of innocent people you killed to get back at one man," you said.

"My brother was innocent too, and because of Dean he's dead." The man turned on his heels and left, slamming the door behind him.

A few minutes later, an older man came in with a plate of food that he set on the floor. He told you he would free your hands and chest so you could eat, as long as you didnt attack him. Seeing as you had little choice, you agreed. Right now you didn't have any strategy for escape. You figured you would find out as much as you could and then before you made your move. And hope that Dean got here soon.

"So is it just you and the angry guy? You asked as you ate. This hunter scoffed.

"He has plenty of reason to be angry and it's none of your business how many of us there are." Still you knew from that answered that it was at least more than two hunters. Your odds weren't great. But then again what had he said? Dean Winchester was the best hunter in the business.

It was hard to tell exactly how long you had been there, especially since you didn't know how long you had been blacked out. You guessed it hadn't been more than a day. But it was hard to say. Eventually the older hunter came back to take your plate. You hated to have to say it but you really really really needed to use the bathroom

"I have to ask," he said. Eventually he came back. "You can go, he said but I'm going to keep your hands tied together in front of you and dont look around or try anything." When he led out out, you blinked in the early evening light. Your instincts had been good about the day. Even with your head down, you could make out enough to see that there were several more people in this hunters pack. When you got back to the room, he commanded you to lay down on the bed and tied you back up.

"I'm not scared," you said "just please leave the light on." He paused then nodded before he shut the door. For one thing you didn't want to be stuck in the dark again. But you also hoped that when Dean came for you, he would see the light under the door and know where to find you.

For what felt like hours, you lay away, unable to do anything but stare at the ceiling. You couldn't get comfortable, of course, and deep down inside, you had to admit that you were scared. What if Dean never found you? What if these hunters grew cruel? What if Dean did make it to you, but was hurt- or worse?? You would have to live knowing that it was your fault.

You couldn't think about Dean, tho, without amazing memories flooding in- all the crazy adventures of the hunters life you shared. He was fiercly protective of his family, but funny and even goofy when he felt safe. And he loved to cook as much as he loved to eat. He was a wonderful man to fight, work and live alongside. Of course, alone in the dark, you did have to admit that you wondered if there would ever be more between you. For everything else, Dean was gorgeous- tall and ripped, with a handsome face. More than once you had wondered what it would be like to feel his pouty lips on yours. Lulled by good memories and sweet dreams, you must have drifted off.

You started awake to the sounds of fighting. Your heart lept with hope and fear. Had Dean come for you? Were things about to get worse- or would you be rescued? You couldn't tell. Finally you decided to take a risk.

"Dean," you shouted, "Dean!"

You heard him shout your name in response and you called back to him.

"I'm here for you; hang on," his voice was deep and he was breathing hard as he fought.

Dean was here! He had found you! But how many men did he have to fight through to get to you?? From the sounds of the fighting, it was several. Suddenly there was a loud crack then silence. You held your breath.

The door creaked open and the soft lamplight illuminated Dean's strong jaw and high cheekbones.

"Dean!" you cried. For just a moment, he sagged against the doorframe with relief, and your name crossed his lips with a sighn. With two long bow-legged strides, he crossed the room to you. His knife made short work of your captivity, and then you were in his arms. You leaned into the comfort of his embrace.

After a moment, Dean gathered himself. "Are you hurt?" He began to pat you down in a methodical way, checking for injury. You shook your head.

"No Dean, they just wanted to use me as bait for you. I'm not hurt at all. I'm just-" suddenly you felt tears in your eyes- "just scared."

"Hey you" said Dean, using one hand to press your forehead to his, "didn't you know I'd come to rescue you?"

You nodded, time seemed to slow in the golden lamplight, just you and Dean in each others arms. For a moment, all you needed was the warm of his body against yours and the comfort of his presence.

After a moment, Dean stood up and held out one hand. Throwing his leather jacket over your shoulders, he warned you not to look as he led you out of the room and eventually, outside.

Once you were in the Impala and headed down the road, you felt some of your tension slide away. The relief brought tears to your eyes again. You had known Dean would come for you.

"Hey," Dean said putting one big hand on your knee, "None of that now. You're okay, and that's what matters. No matter how many deranged hunters I have to fight through, I'll always find you. You know that, right?"

You nodded, wiping away the tears hard. Dean reached for the radio and turned it up. Led Zeppelin, his favorite. He began to sing along, first in that goofy way that never failed to make you giggle. Then his voice grew deeper as he began to really sing, belting out the words in a way you had never heard before.

You reached for Dean's hand. He took it and your fingers laced together on the leather seat of the Impala. You leaned your head back and smiled, in spite of everything. You were with Dean, and you were headed home.