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We will walk where the ground gives in We’ll build a cabin of stone and skin And a little fire to warm our feet We will taste the jam we spread While fingers masquerade as bread When everyone’s forgotten the taste so sweet We will move like railroad tracks We will breathe like candle wax And every day we’ll find a new stream And there will be no way to find us We would let the world behind as Water plays with eyes and sighs to steam Every time I tell you that we’ll do this, you just stall And you whisper “I don’t love you; I don’t love anything at all”
-- Cabin, Better Roads EP by ThouShaltNot
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I need to be weirder about the scavengers and cannibalism...
#its been a long day... but im feeling better now. (thanks for the well wishes and such btw <3-)#(-sending my well wishes in return by tenfold bcs. damn. it seems stuff is really going around rn)#but yeah... just. augh. theres just smth about how the scavs sorta translate into more like. thriller-esque genres pretty well?#like. i feel somehow those themes compliment their characteristics? or could compliment their characteristics in a more rounded out way#sure. theyre generally a light hearted romp of absurdity with occasional themes of a not good not bad handling of 'mental health matters'#but they just really shine a bit in horrific circumstances. esp with the sort of absurdity they bring to the table#theyre odd people. even in the context of their generally weird and alien universe. and that right there feels like a trove of potential#its like. ok. the lost light crew? also odd. but thats a huge ship. full of people and variety and a sense of purpose and normalcy post-war#(normalcy being. whatever all those background folks were getting up too while plot happened around them. cruise ship stuff ig)#but in contrast. with the w.a.p crew. its an ark class ship with like. a handful of people. and a whole lot of junk and free time#both just cruising through space endlessly for years. one with hundreds of people. and one with like 6 people.#so both are technically isolated when theyre not making pit-stops planet or station side. but again. 100s vs 6 dudes.#think. top of the line cruise ship from hell with a small town sized populace vs a big shitty boat and 6 starving guys#both have the capacity to become case studies in madness. both could do really well thriller wise. but the scavs being a smaller group?#it only being the 6 of them emphasis the isolation perhaps. less variety. less change. same 6 people for 5(?) years#things could get weird fast. codependent mentalities. us vs them mindsets. an otherness about everyone else outside of their group#and then! then you add to the mix the fact that theyre eating/drinking from corpses?! *chefs kiss* awesome. love it.#non-stationary isolation + cannibalism. ough. perfect mix. a classic of maritime horror but in space! :D!#a big ship. small crew. living while knowing that as soon as you kick the bucket. your body is the meal. your body is the fuel.#no decorum about it. no faith. no belief. just perverse survival. bcs they might enjoy it. a bloody gluttony. with a bite. a sample. a taste#it takes seeing your buddy as a walking talking burger to another level. bcs every corpse you come across is also a burger. and a gas can#also fulcrum making candy out of corpses is so. particularly perfect when it comes to the horrifically absurd. just. smth about it. idk#but also also. the line. where was the line drawn for each of them? and when did they each cross it?#most of them dont seem like the type to jump head first into that. so how did they justify it to themselves? had they done it before?#and then. when did it become normal? a habit? smth enjoyable?#i might be running out of tags. but yeah. them being weirder. esp about each other and others.#nothing brings a group of people together like the overhanging knowledge that you sort of kinda wanna eat each other#(rlly wishing i could stomach realistic thrillers rn. but i just cant. gotta stick to written or artistic styles or risk panic attacks :/)#(ive tried a couple movies and shows now. and cant get through most of them. praise be synopses and peoples long rambles about them tho :D)#(nothing like reading someones passionate ramble about the meaning/symbolism of some gory nightmare without having to actually see it lol)
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I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art
#my mental health is starting to improve a bit#took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me#ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while#like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit#so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected#diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier#i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome#just learning how to enjoy things again overall#one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post#and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on#even when I wasn’t actively practicing#just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles#i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors#i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao#i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again#for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments#i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all#that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully#starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing#so who knooowwwsss#rambles#funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL#i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first#anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over
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i wanna say it was in episode 3 after the boxing match when i was struck with the intense need to savor every second of mentopolis.
the mental image of a conrad driving with so much reckless abandon that the car is like half off the ground as it speeds away, hunch and dan bumping around in the backseat on either side of ivana who in comparison looks bolted down to the seats, money flying out and trailing behind them as justin hangs his head out the window...
all i could think was "oh this is the best." like the best. and while i do agree that 6 episodes is a perfect length for the season, what with them running at the speed of thought and all, i could also fully see them working with a 15-20 ep season just as smoothly.
and i don't just mean that as "this season would have been better with more eps" cuz tbh i don't think it would have been better, so much as it just would have been different. they could never make anything more and i'd still be satisfied. what i'm saying is that i think it'd make a great length as a second season.
which would be a great opportunity for brennan to flesh out the world elias lives in, while also allowing for more in-depth character development from the pcs.
this first season could act as a prologue to the world of mentopolis. and then the second season immediately kicks off with elias dealing with the aftermath in some way. maybe witness protection wasn't enough and now he's on the run from gobstopper industries. or maybe it was but now he has to learn how to adjust to living as a person with needs again after being alone and overworked for so long.
and as he navigates this new relationship, the attention from the press, the looming question of what now what next— we get to see how our prefrontal pis are doing as their lives were also flipped upside-down by this change in elias' life. cuz regardless of how positive and welcome a change may be, there is still a rather difficult adjustment period as you attempt to decipher where your place is in this new-normal.
#inspired by a couple of posts and some tags from mutuals#really ive had this thought since that 3rd ep but reading other ppls ideas gave me that push of motivation#which is usually how most of my posts get made lmao. i gotta get better about jotting down ideas when i have them and not later istg#this season totally made me wanna finally watch eftbk so i think ill start that in a couple days#ive seen many funny clips but we all know everything is better with context so im feelin hyped#also. hey. artists of tumblr someone anyone PLEASE draw that scene i described from ep 3#the way they ended that scene was just peak speedy getaway trope energy and its fucking glorious#i dont think ive seen art of it yet but if it exists already someone @ me i gotta know#dimension 20#d20#mentopolis#prefrontal pis
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
#N posts stuff#one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety#now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body#but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself#like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao#bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with#is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again#and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than#'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it#which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that#so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively#like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered#like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#tula#d20lb
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SORRY BUT IM JUST TOO PRETTY TO BE UPSET
#like you genuinely think god doesn’t love me#I don’t even BELIEVE and I get to look like this AND IM OLD#I lol randomly all the time about it honestly#like if I just do a HEH to myself it’s because I remembered#im literally pretty lol and such an asshole#and like just for being honest mind you#not a making shit up asshole not a violent asshole not a malecious asshole just like a normal oh that hurt your feelings why why WHY DID IT#you fucking know why it did and that also why I said it cause IT TRUE you dumb cow#you MADE PEOPLE and you care about screens over all else like like like hfksbekfkgjevdb die the death you deserve#me? PRETTY AND LUCKY ME??? imma die in my sleep like a mf princess#actually they got some quantum chip now I think it possible you could die body wise but your brain forever could think it alive because chip#I don’t understand it lol it was scary to listen to the man explain it actually and then I was like oh maybe that why aliens arecoming more#i am rambling in the tags like a heathen#it’s fine#it’s not 11pm or anything#tomorrow won’t be a long ass day or anything#CHRISTMAS IS IN A WEEK#we better go see the mf lights#im getting my car inspected tomorrow and im nervous about it#is $500 enough monies for things they would need to fix for it to pass lmao cause#if not i gotta use a credit card and i hate doing that with them#also they usually just make it do a pass and then make me come back to fix the things later cause they know where i work lol#and also i am loyal as shit#and also the lesbians i know who not approve of my trans-woman-are-just-men stance which isn’t illegal to have lol biology isn’t illegal#yet
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optimism iswhen things kind of vacillate between kinda great and kinda sucks, but you're over here being all oh look! things are (kind of) great!!! when they're kinda great, and when they kinda suck you're like well at least they only kind of suck. do you get what im saying
#i aim to always look at the most positive angle on every situation. i get that i can be so annoying with this sometimes#but you gotta have hope. you gotta look forward. you gotta find things to smile about#you gotta amplify your happiness and pleasure and hope and learn to move past negativity and depression and despair#sometimes it's important to acknowledge that things suck. some days you gotta be like well shit. fuck. and feel awful#but then it's equally important to not sink into that feeling. and find ways to move forward that are positive and hopeful#i was just thinking well things kinda suck again...#but at least they only KINDA suck. I've seen worse#and things are also kinda great. I've seen better but I'm not going to compare this to those times#hope is not the thing with feathers etc#it takes courage to have hope#i need a tag for my own rambles
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#3 you can (not) redo
#eli vanto#thrawn 2017#thranto#it's not even been one day my godddddd#listen. okay please listen friends. comrades. fellow hooligans.#i'm not going into your inboxes or leaving replies on your posts or anything#i'm not “calling anyone out”#maybe this counts as vagueposting and being aggressive or whatever idek. but like#it's just.#if you do an art. at some point you gotta be more conscious about your choices of colour palette#esp when depicting someone with darker skin#like at this point fine. you can think eli is “tan” if you want. live in denial.#but at least give him the damn melanin for it#colourism is a thing too yknow!!#you know this actually happened ages back in another fandom i'm in#and when i sent the artist a curious msg about it they were like 'o yeah i can see and i agree i messed up the colours on this one real bad#it's literally not that hard to just notice and move on and just try better next time#okay next time i promise i'll post the meme without any commentary okay i just. sigh.#white eli tag#hmmm maybe i should change the meme to read “whitewashed” as opposed to just “white”#that way it's a more accurate argument re colourism#hm hmmmm
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Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now
(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)
(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)
Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh
#(I'm emotional because I've been feeling bad about it all lately. enjoying things I make I mean—art or ocs or frivilous things.)#(So remembering that song and when it came out. That I couldn't see them in person. But i held onto it my own way. As something I loved)#(Something I still do love a lot... Parts of me saying no—you don't hate it. No. I'll help you remember more. I'm a little misty about it.)#The song is just The Killers - Run For Cover. I couldn't see them in person all those years ago—family went without me.#All my new oc rework with Zin and Hunter and Caia were like a year old or so.#It's a little silly. But the character Zin's derived from was a lightning mage so I stuck to it—I like monhun's zinogre for what its worth#So there's recurring theme and imagery. Thunder's not lightning but the sound and the feeling after the flash the flame and strike.#There's that meaningful thought—the story is the aftermath of a big tragedy. It matches what I like in monsters and other chars.#And at that time—my favourite band I missed out on puts out a really good song I download everywhere and it goes like:#He motioned me to the sky/ I heard heaven and thunder cry/ Run for cover/ Run while you can baby don't look back/ You gotta run for cover#And it goes on of course. The rest of the song's still really good. There's more that fits but point is; More evocative imagery.#So there. Why my bundle of OCs—Zinadia Hunter and Caia's story—is called Thunder 20XX. minus the 20XX. That's tongue-in-cheek#About some day I'll manage to make something tangeable or broadly shareable with them. I guarentee this century!#Thunder... oh my darling Thunder. Eight years man. More than that if I really want to count pre-rework INTO the complete original work. but#I like that it's definably 8. I like that I remembered I've always loved them a lot. Always been my thing to lean on even by name...#I need to get to sleep. Ive gotten a little more emotional over one song than I'd rather regularly be. Give it a listen maybe? Goodnight#Armour clanking#I need an oc tag#What have you gathered to report to your progenitors?🎶Are your excuses any better than your senator's🎶He held a conference#and his wife was standing by his side🎶He did her dirty but no-one died🎶#I saw Sonny Liston on the street last-night black-fisted and strong singing🎶Redemption song🎶#He motioned me to the sky🎶I heard heaven and thunder cry🎶RUN FOR COVER#What are you waiting for—a kiss or an apology?🎶You think by now you'd have an A in toxicology🎶#It's hard to pack the car when all you do is shame us🎶Even harder when the dirtbag's famous🎶#I saw my mother on the street last night all pretty and strong singin🎶The road is long🎶#I said 'Mama I know you tried!'🎶But she fell on her knees and cried🎶RUN FOR COVER#Just run for cover - you've got nothin left to lose...
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his nickelodeon slime arm has captivated me <- Cord, probably
#i gotta do lighting better. lol#i saw someone do it in a really unique way and i was like 👀 but im just some dude scribbling a vague approximation of everything at 3am 😩#one day i'll put effort into drawing jerric again. today is not that day. i am so tired i just needed to relax after hanging with some ppl#veneer#jerric kedves#caleb oroitz#cord's only mentioned so i won't tag him lmao sorry man#i love drawing jerric bc i get to put on my favorite playlist: ''i am going to beat you to death''#it has the doom ost and celldweller songs and the killer instinct ost... among others i think fit the vibes of ''you are so screwed''#dude's a powerhouse and he doesn't even have magic. he's just that strong on his own that he can overpower magic users#powerscaling means nothing to me. jerric cool. jerric wins.
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Love that the most recent Invincible was just two episodes in one. It was honestly so good.
#damn it toby#i think i liked it better than the other three episodes this season so far#spoilers in the following tags!! reader be warned!!!#it was honestly really funny I was cackling at the overdramatic narrator in Allen & Nolans part#Mark HAS to have some trauma over killing the Immortal#like I know the Immortal was basically begging to die#and like fair enough you live for centuries watching everyone you love die#that's gonna fuck you up as a person#even just like#outliving civilizations will make you lose it#which to be honest I don't think present day Immortal is totally stable either for that reason but the future him is even more so unstable#so I don't blame Immortal at all for wanting to die#but also Mark worked with the guy and presumably knows him pretty well#even if they're not friends per say I imagine Mark at least respects the guy#and Mark already has issues killing people in general let alone someone he's even remotely close to/has at least some connection with#that's gotta put on some added baggage#Mark was already traumatized and this is certainly making it worse#also the second half with Allen and Nolan was just *chefs kiss*#the overdramatic narration was amazing#it reminds me of those old school superhero movies#its like something you'd hear out of an old superman movie but in a satire kind of way#it was so funny#also I love Nolans attitude in the situation#“this dude annoys me so much” *Allen almost dies* “Wait fuck I can't let my friend die”#also yeah I know the Viltrimites are overall the bad guy but I relate to that one dude#im not dying to a furry either my guy I'd fight back#no hate to furries but I'd be pissed af if one stabbed me#anyway there's only 50 full-blooded Viltrumites left???? What???
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running low on tagged drafts, gonna need to make some more or actually finish the ones I’ve already got started, oop-
I feel like I’m making empty promises on my Au, it exists I just have been getting distracted and also life is getting in the way a bit. I’m gonna finish my rant eventually my brain just has to actually cooperate with me on it, agh!
#Not art#text post#update I guess?#Gotta make me some more drafts. I have atleast 2 new drawings to share and I gotta get around to making more#Hyperfixation posts here I come!#I wanna make some fandom propaganda for my other hyperfixation. I wanna share my favorite comic around. It’s way to underrated guys#I need to consume other people’s fanart of it so bad! But like I’ve gone through and looked at most of the atleast easier to find ones (tag#And stuff on here. Twitter. devianart and I think that’s it. Maybe instagram but idk how to use that app to save a life)#Both these fandoms are connected in ways that I’d need to explain for you to understand#I’m gonna explain it cuz I can lol#Ok so I find dwtb on tapas. Then I want more comic content so I look at bio’s other stuff. I find and read both msb and planet ribbon.#I want more still so I go to tumblr. Consume official and fanart there. One person was making both msb and tpoh cross over fanart.#I ate it and then went to check out tpoh for myself. Feel in love with that comic as well. Years later/a few months ago I start seeing#Lovestory art and ggg reblogs on my dash (I wonder who that could have been) (twas atleast two people I follow that were doing it so it’s#Not all their fault like I make it out to be. Or was it…). I get an insane hyper need to find out what this cool new thing is out of nowher#. Over a month later and we are here in the now. Ugh yeah. It’s all connected. That’s my big conspiracy#Anyways dwtb just started updating again and I literally just found out like on the 23-24th so you should totally go check it out if you#Like robot. Object heads and absolutely delicious stories. Msb is on the older side and embodies a lot of early internet style Wild West to#It bit it gets really good in the second half and dwtb… well let me tell you the writing on that thing is absolutely amazing! Gets better#Every update. Worth the occasional hiatus’ and long breaks. The creator is somehow making me feel bad for a character I’ve loathed since#Day 1. Like that’s gotta be a sign of good writing If ive ever seen one. It’s so queer too some of the best rep I’ve read in a story#Was my main source of it before ggg lol. Love me some good rep I do#Alright I’m gonna post this now. Been ranting in tags for longer than I’d like to admit. peace!
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depression so bad it got my dad who doesnt believe in mental health telling me that i should go back to therapy
#yapping#new art coming today/tomorrow i promise 😭 ive just been sleeping really bad and busy with work and with doing my taxes#yes that is correct i pay my taxes for my freelancing im that serious of an adult#paycheck so fat i gotta report it cause it cant go under the radar 😩#im kidding but fr ive been going back n forth with the taxes people cause they have some error on their website that caused my stuff#to appear wrong and look like i havent payed but its all good now and should probably be fully done one of these days#but also im not kidding my freelancing paycheck is like my regular paycheck + another half of it 😭 n i rly dont wanna mess with owing taxes#i have drawn in my notebook though.. maybe ill make one of those doodles into digital art....#i have one of diavolo ordering a burger at a fast food place.... because hes a relatable character and i was craving a burger at that moment#we will see..... heh#the tags seem so unrelated to the post i just realized#anyway point is. my depression is bad bla bla bla bla im considering therapy again cause i think being medicated again would be good for me#they were at my place yesterday n my mom thinks i should go back on antidepressants#esp cause i have it better than most ppl probably#i am basically a home owner at 26. of an apartment in the city center of the capital. a large one. with a great view.#i have a really good paycheck and a good job#i have friends i have a bf... i have a good relationship with my parents....#technically i have nothing to complain about#but i just feel so bad its insane. all while i cant justify feeling bad#idfk#like i went from being lower middle class to just buying myself anything i want the second i think about wanting it#and yet all i got was more depressed#idfk !!!! the feeling of being trapped in ur own life never leaves u no matter how good things get i guess#anyway when i get back on antidepresseants and get better again its over for u hoes
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almost made a very insensitive post but i Stopped <3
#i realised mid-typing that its really a Bad Fucking Person monologue lol#being an insensitive asshole is better suited for the tags <3 so here goes#anyway. maybe cutting it all off or bottling it up isnt the healthiest way to deal with things but its definitely the least inconvenient#also pro tip maybe dont obsess over a single person to the point where you lose your own sense of self#i know that it's a mental thing thing but i still wanna shake my mom and my bestie so fucking hard#he was literally just some guy. even if you loved him at the end of the day he's still just some guy#he was another person. he wasnt you. you meet a hundred new persons every day.#people come and go. no one will stay with you forever how is that so hard to grasp#like you ARE alone will always be alone and its not actually a bad thing at all!!! other people are alone too and you can be alone together#but thats it. on a strictly personal level other people are just 'additions' to your life not a part of you#learn to let things and people go or at least shut up about it. pretty please with a cherry on top <3#like logically i know neither of these are perfectly healthy but i genuinely do think that treating all your relationships with people#as momentary things that will maybe last a few months or a few years or even a few decades if you're lucky but all will eventually end#so you gotta enjoy em while they last but be ready to let them go with no hard feelings when the time comes#is a million times better than treating every friend and romantic partner as 'we're gonna be together forever uwu'
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Breh.
#one of the mentally ill tags remind me of my years as a teen from like 13-15 when shit was super bad#sad af some people really not gonna get better i can see it and feel it#ive also been rewatching the show intervention#intervention hoarders and my 600 lb pound life is definitely exploitation in a way#these shows are connected with the pains of addiction and trauma#and are promised help for free or a cost for treatment to deal with their addiction#and all of these people have to go through long term care and routine check ups#got me thinking i could've ended up like any of these people but i didnt#i alchemized my pain and trauma keeping it inside#and i eventually let it out in one of 2 ways#but im better than i once was#it truly does get better but you gotta work on it every day for over a year and you gotta be serious about it#if i ever did drugs or anything my parents would dead kill me and that shit would dead kill me
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diet pepsi
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ac46c1e7c6ee7991a3107fa3a1b12eb1/4c2259de1225a9a7-d6/s540x810/9f925945745b9b39f02b601646232bfa0cb47508.jpg)
logan howlett x reader - 2.8k words
summary: old!logan x reader limousine sex. inspired by the song diet pepsi by addison rae
author's note: i recently rewatched logan and haven't been able to stop thinking about what it would be like to have him in the backseat of that limousine. then i heard this song a few days ago and knew exactly what i had to write.
warnings/tags: smut, porn with plot, unprotected p in v, oral (m&f receiving), pet names (princess, honey), reader has kinda longish hair (nothing too specific), a little angsty but mostly fluffy? happy ending, reader is afab, no use of of y/n, 18+ only mdni
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when we drive in your car, i'm your baby
losing all my innocence in the backseat
say you love, say you love, say you love me
losing all my innocence in the backseat
The cab of the limousine reeks of leather and smoke - both stale and fresh, from the cigars he has chain smoked over the last few days and two thousand miles - give or take a few.
It's a scent you've grown surprisingly fond of. You know that no matter how long this thing between the two of you lasts, you'll forever associate the smoky sweet aroma of tobacco with him.
You've been laying down across the backseat for the last few hours, trying and failing to get some sleep at Logan's request, as he drives from Reno back to Mexico. The two of you had left the familiar comfort of the abandoned smelting plant three days ago in search of a bulk supply of Charles’ medications - a search that led you to Nevada and yielded a six month supply of injections and pills.
You sit up in the middle of the seat, meeting Logan's gaze in the rearview mirror.
He's exhausted. He’d never admit it to you, but you know him better than he likely realizes. He's hanging on by a thread.
The digital clock on the dashboard reads it's just past noon. Another four hours and some change to go.
Asking him to pull over and rest for his own sake would be a fruitless waste of time, this much you know from the drive to Reno. What was supposed to be at least a seventeen hour drive turned into a fifteen hour drive as he sped the whole way and only stopped for the absolutely necessary food, bathroom, and gas breaks. Only after obtaining the crates of medicine did he allow himself the simple luxury of a few hours sleep.
“What's that look for, princess?” he asks as he breaks his stare, his eyes snapping back to the endless expanse of the blazing asphalt in front of you.
“I'm hungry,” you shrug with a sly grin. “And I need some coffee. And I miss you.”
He lets out a low laugh, a smirk forming across his features in the reflection of the glass. You don't miss the way his fingers grip the cracked leather of the steering wheel tighter at the words I miss you.
“We'll stop for something to eat soon, I promise.”
You hum in response, moving from your position on the further bench seat to the one that rests against the driver’s and front passenger’s seat, directly behind him. You lean your chest against the backrest, dangling one arm across the seat so that you can bring your hand to stroke the prominent stubble across his jaw.
“And what about the last thing?” you murmur, running your thumb along his bottom lip as you stare at him. He tenses beneath your touch but doesn't take his eyes off of the road before him.
“I'm right here, princess. Don't gotta miss me.”
“You know what I mean.”
He's barely touched you since you had first left Mexico three days ago - and you understand why, truly. He's been focused on getting to Reno, getting the medication, and getting the fuck back home before the last few days worth of Charles’ injections and pills are gone. Even when you stopped at a random motel for a few hours of shut eye, you were both too exhausted to do anything other than sleep.
In fact, it was the first time that you've slept in a bed together without him being between your legs. You didn't mind it all - the simplicity and the intimacy of just sleeping curled into each other was something you'd always cherish from this trip.
But you’d be lying if you tried to convince yourself that you weren’t aching to have him in all of the ways that you’re so used to having him.
“Oh, I know exactly what you mean,” he sighs, kissing the side of your thumb that still rests along his bottom lip. It's pathetic how the small act has you ready to crawl over the seat and straddle him. “We're almost home, though. Don't you want me to shower first?” he teases.
You know that both of you have to smell something foul - the motel you'd stayed in didn't even have a functioning shower, and the western United States heat is no joke this time of year. You both did the best you could with the bathroom sink and some baby wipes that you snagged from the gas station across the road, but whore's baths and deodorant just don't quite cut it in ninety-five degree weather.
“No, I don't,” you admit - you can't even bring yourself to care if it's pathetic. You bring your face closer to his, your nose nuzzling just under his ear. “I want you to pull over, get in the back of this car, and let me ride you until we both come.”
He hisses when your lips lock around the tender flesh of his earlobe, causing him to swerve and quickly correct back into the right lane.
“Fuckin hell,” he grunts, knuckles gripping the wheel so tight that they start to turn white. “Can't be saying that shit when I'm driving. Gonna make me wreck this thing.”
You laugh into the side of his neck, trailing wet kisses along his skin. “I'd suggest pulling over, then.”
He sighs again, all but melting into your touch now. You know you're getting your way when he flips on the turn signal and looks over his shoulder before merging right and then pulling off on the side of the desolate highway.
“You know that you've got me wrapped around your little finger, don't you?” He asks as he unbuckles his seatbelt and hops out of the limousine, slamming the driver's door behind him before you can respond. You move back to your original position on the back bench seat as he crawls in with you, pulling a spare key from his pocket to lock the still-running vehicle.
“Wrapped around my little finger is exactly where I intend to keep you.” He smiles - the first real smile you've seen from him in days and you melt a little inside. He kneels on the felt carpet before you, splaying his hands on your inner thighs and pushing them apart.
“I’m glad to hear that,” he murmurs into the flesh of your thighs, his facial hair tickling the bare skin. He hooks his fingers into the waistband of both your shorts and panties and you raise off the seat a few inches, giving him the clearance to tug them down past your ankles. You're left in nothing but a thin cotton tank top, your nipples pebbling from the way he's looking up at you.
“Cause that's exactly where I like to be.”
It's a rare occurrence that the two of you exchange such sweet sentiments - he usually only goes as far as whispering my girl in your ear as he sheaths himself inside you after late nights at work, when he comes home with lips that taste like single malt whiskey.
He loops his arms around the backs of your legs and tugs you forward on the seat, bringing your cunt directly to his mouth. Any sense of hesitation he initially had about hooking up on the side of the highway goes out the window as soon as his tongue licks a thick strip from your hole and up to your clit. You hiss, digging the fingernails of one hand into the old, weathered leather of the seat and bringing your other to lace your fingers through the salt and pepper colored locks of his hair.
As tired as he is from days of driving and very little sleep, you would never be able to tell with the fervency of his tongue lapping your folds. He always eats you like it’s the last time he ever will - and knowing Logan as well as you do, there’s always that chance that it very well could be.
So, you grab his hair and pull him as close to you as he can possibly be and revel in every lick, every kiss, every tug of his lips around your clit as he makes you believe that the two of you could have a lifetime of these moments together.
You can already feel that tell-tale warmth blooming in the pit of your abdomen when he brings a singular finger to your hole and plunges it inside you. Your walls constrict around the digit and he groans against your clit, the vibration spurring you closer to the edge of your climax. You grind yourself into his mouth as he sinks his tongue inside you, your back arching off of the seat and your eyes rolling into your head.
He pulls his tongue from inside you and moves his mouth up to your clit once more, locking his lips around the nub and pulling away with a wet pop that sends you over the edge. You ride out your orgasm on his face, writhing until he pulls his finger out of you. You’re still seeing rainbows of colors and stars when he brings the wet finger to your mouth and shoves it past your lips, swirling the sweet tang of your juices around in your mouth.
“You taste that?” he murmurs, pulling his finger out of your mouth and inserting it in his own. He takes his time, cleaning the last remnants of your slick from the digit. “That’s how you’ve got me so wrapped around your finger.” His words make your head spin, like you’ve had one too many shots of his favorite bourbon that he always keeps a steady supply of.
“Your turn.” Your words even sound slurred as you bring your fists to his chest, urging him backwards onto the seat opposite of you. You take his place on the floor of the limousine, crawling towards where he’s now lounging with his large thighs already spread wide for you.
You’re about to reach for the button of his jeans when he leans forward, grabbing the tail-end of your tank top and quickly tugging it over your head. You’re left bare before him and you’re hit with a wave of relief that these windows are tinted beyond what’s legal in the state of New Mexico.
His eyes travel from your thighs and up your stomach as he sweeps your hair over your shoulders, giving him an unhindered view of your breasts.
“My girl,” he hums, not taking his eyes off of you as he pops the button at the top of his pants and tugs down the zipper. “My pretty girl.”
“Yours,” you agree, butterflies mixing with arousal in your gut as you help him pull the restrictive fabric of his jeans and boxers down until they bunch around his ankles. His cock springs free, hard and leaking pre-cum down around the head.
You feel saliva pool in your mouth at the sight. As many times as you've had his impressive length inside you, you don't think it'll ever not make your mouth water.
You take the base of him in one hand, languidly pumping him as you lean forward, gathering all of the spit in your mouth and releasing it over the tip of his cock. You continue to stroke him, smearing the wetness down his length.
He groans, deep and guttural as he throws his head back against the seat. You can't see, but you know that his eyes have snapped shut at the pleasure.
When you've got him fully lubricated, you ease the tip of him into your mouth and swirl your tongue around his head. He brings a hand to the back of your head and pulls you forward, cramming more of himself into your mouth. You open wider to accommodate his length as it juts against the back of your throat.
“Fuck, honey,” he grunts when you pause to adjust to the stretch that you're feeling in your jaws. “You always take me so well. Never had anyone make me feel as good as you do.”
You moan around his dick at the praise, feeling your own arousal budding again in your lower belly. You pull back until only half of him is left inside your mouth, and then slowly begin to bob up and down, the tip of him repeatedly jabbing against the back of your throat. What little of his length that you can't take at one time, you continue to stroke in your hand. Your free hand comes to cup his balls, massaging them in rhythm with the thrusts of your mouth on his cock. You can feel tears begin to leak out of the corners of your eyes and down your cheeks from the lack of oxygen.
Right when you feel him begin to twitch against your tongue, he threads his fingers through your hair and yanks you off of him.
“You said you wanted to ride me until we both came, yeah?” He wraps his hands around the tops of your arms, pulling you upwards and onto his lap. You're too light headed to speak so you just nod quickly, adjusting your position across his lap. His cock is pressed against his lower stomach, lodged between the wet lips of your cunt and his happy trail.
“I want you to do just that.” He grabs you by the hips, pulling you forward along his shaft. You raise up on the balls of your feet as he takes himself in his fist, running his tip through your folds to lubricate himself with your juices before stopping at your hole. He juts his hips upwards at the same time that you sink down, causing the entirety of his length to be sheathed inside you at once.
“Oh my god,” you groan as you adjust to the sheer size of him. He always stretches you so painfully sweet. You steady yourself with your hands on his broad shoulders, realizing that he’s still in a two day old t-shirt. He reads your mind and yanks the fabric over his head. You take in the sight before you - all of the defined planes of his chest, his body hair that you love to run your fingers through when you’re riding him, that one vein that bulges on his bicep that you just want to trace with your tongue -
You raise up again, until he’s almost all the way out of you and only the head of his cock remains inside you before you sink back down all at once, earning an animalistic growl from him. You repeat the ministrations until you have acclimated to his size. You begin to increase your speed, the sound of your ass bouncing off of his thighs echoing around the limited space of the limosuine’s cab.
“So goddamn tight,” he spits through gritted teeth, one hand coming to plant a firm grasp on your asscheek. He digs his fingers into the meat with enough force to leave bruises but it only spurs on your movements. You liked it - the idea of being marked by him, even if it wasn’t something that anyone else would ever be able to see. “Always feel like you were made for me.”
You let out a pathetic whimper at his words, not knowing what to say or do to convey your emotions in that moment other than to lower your lips to his. He immediately opens his mouth to you, letting your tongue inside to merge with his. His taste was so comforting and familiar to you - tobacco and peppermint and something uniquely Logan. You didn’t think you’d find a flavor quite like it in anyone else, and you never wanted to test that theory.
“I was,” you whine breathlessly when you finally pull away. “Was made for you.”
He begins to meet your bounces with thrusts of his own, hitting the sweet spot of your cervix just right with each movement.
“Say it,” he grunts - you can tell he’s close by his movements growing erratic beneath you. “Wanna hear you say that you’re mine.”
You can feel your second orgasm building with every word that he says. He brings his free hand in between your bodies, finding your clit right away. He massages you with his thumb and you come around his cock with a cry of his name.
“I am,” you pant through your orgasm as he continues to thrust up into you. “I am yours, I’ve been yours, just yours.” Your admission sends him over the edge and he spills into you from below, both of his arms wrapping around your lower back and pulling your bare chest against his.
“You mean that?” he murmurs against the sweat-coated skin of your collarbone. You lean back enough to look down at him, cradling his jawline in the palm of your hand.
“I do,” you tell him, your voice barely above a whisper. “But only if you’re mine, too,” you add with a small, nervous laugh.
“I've been yours since the day we met, princess. Just had a hard time believing you could want me in the same way.”
You snort a laugh at the confession that sounds so ridiculous to you, and then bring your lips to his once more to show him just how badly you absolutely do want to be his.
thanks for reading! comments and reblogs are always very appreciated 💕
other logan works by me: straight to my head • claw kink drabble • dog tag drabble
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