#< he doesn’t even have tumblr. thats the best part

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Could you talk about the designs Viv makes? I don't see many posts talking about this and I wanted some design tips, I intend to post my own cartoon designs (I just don't know when) and I wanted some tips <⁠(⁠￣⁠︶⁠￣⁠)⁠>

Hey hey!! Id love to talk about designs!

I actually answered this entire question and then uh…. Tumblr deleted my draft so let me try to redo all this lmao

Vivzie has a problem with bodytypes I’ve noticed. Almost all of her cast is insanely skinny and the only two “plus-size” characters I can think of are Millie and Mimzy. Meanwhile, Angel Dust, Vox, Stolas, & Alastor are a few very skinny characters I can think of off the top of my head.

For the best example, I’m going to be using Vox for now. Here is my Vox design next to his canon appearance

They don’t look too different right? This is still easily identifiable as Vox because his main characteristics are there; stupid little hat, tv head, thats about it.

My design also keeps elements of his suit with the stripes and shoulder pads, though in my design his body is a bit wider and his shoulders + waist make him look more commanding and intimidating while still maintaining a sense of professionalism. As for his canon design, he definitely looks sketchy, but he doesn’t really give me that commanding sense of popularity or authority that I feel an overlord should have, especially one with such a wide range of influence as Vox. His canon design looks top heavy and a little pathetic in that “he was born in a wet cardboard box all alone” way. Don’t get me wrong, a small waist can do wonders for a design, but when your designs start to look like… this

I think you might have a problem.

Now, I know I am nowhere near the best character designer in the world, but I have designed my fair share and I think I have enough experience to flatter myself a little.

This is a very simple design choice to make. Body types are probably some of the most intricate and interesting parts of a person in my opinion, and with a lineup like this where everyone looks more or lest the same from the torso down, it’s kind of a dead and sad looking cast, and not in the intended way.

I’m aware my designs are very detailed and wouldn’t be easy to animate with my style, but it’s very easy to draw extra body types with a style fit for TV.

Gravity Falls is a great example of stylised bodies and also using them to build personality. By looking at these characters you can generally tell what their base personality is probably like right? You can do the same thing to an extent with the Hazbin Cast, but all of their designs get muddled into the other. Can you even tell where half of these people are positioned in this screenshot

It’s so pink and red im going to start seeing green when I look away. There are so many colours, use them!!!! You can still slap a red overlay over it and make it “look like hell” or whatever, but you’re still gonna have more variety.

Here’s my body/fur references for Angel and Husk. They are almost entirely opposite to eachother but you can probably get an idea for how they are based on colour and shape. I recommend studying other TV shows and things like anime or movies to see how body types and colours impact character design, but general things I always think of are, like I’ve said, body type, personality, colour, and silhouette. Silhouette is a bit harder to pin since a character can have a very recognizable silhouette and still not be a good design, but honestly to me as long as you can tell which character is which from silhouette you’re good to go on that front.

- Generally just don’t reuse the same colour palette over and over (heres some of my hazbin colours)

- Give diversity in shapes when you can and when it benefits the design

- Try to show their personality through their clothes and pose

- Don’t be afraid to add little physical or personality details that other people might not notice, a good design should keep you interested in tiny details like that or surprise you later on

- Pay attention to what would and wouldn’t make sense (ex. A character that doesn’t like modern fashion wearing modern fashion)

Im not the best at explaining all of this but I hope you could grasp even just a tiny bit of an idea from this! At the end of the day as long as you’re having fun and not actively harming people with the designs then you should be good to go

[nightcolorz]

I stumbled on your blog and i love it sm!!

Its so weird, because i am a huge Marius fan, and you put many reasons why he is my absolute favorite character as things why he SUCKS! Its so cool to me, to read something so accurate and then have someone put out a completely different opinion on it! (i do not think he is Good, none of them are. But i think he is cool, his better qualities resonate with me the most of all the characters, i love lore, and i love reading about him the most)

There are few things, that i do not understand and it bothers me endlessly! I just can't figure out where some readings come from, very sinserely (because i want to respect other readings and interpretations), maybe you could help me understand?

First: that Marius dislikes being challenged and tries to "keep Armand to himself"(generalizing) - as i read it, Marius prefers people who challenge him, can stand up to him. All of his paramours are like that - Pandora, Bianca, Armand, Lestat, Daniel..even Botticelli actively defy him, in a way other characters don't and Marius himself is vocal on that being something he admires about them. He does not know how to deal with that, oh no, but he loves it - the fire he himself does not possess. He also actively helps Armand learn about his culture and family, ready to be left behind when they visit Kievan Rus. He also never shows any type of concern about Armands "daytime" personal connections. As i remember, he encourages it decpite objections, actually.. My personal reading is that most drama and abuse between Marius and Armand is about Marius refusing the codependency Armand desperatly wants. (and them being oppisitely unhealthy about that)

Second: there is a notion, that Marius would not want Armand to grow up? And i do not understand where it comes from at all... Marius actively states (and thinks) that his own wish is to see Armand grown into a Man and he refuses time and time again to turn him before then (or to turn him at all) , until Armand is on the deaths door. (i also saw a thing about shaving, but all of them are shaved before the turning as an old ritual, canonically, i believe, only Santino is unshaved so. I might be wrong tho lol. One of canon reasons (again, if my memories are not faulty) - facial and body hair might go in and out of style, so clean shave helps them blend in better)

I you would spare some time to let me understand where those come from i would be forever grateful, because i sometimes think i am blind (and i might be! Thats why i ask. I am a bit scared that i might be percieved in bad faith, but if i have a blindspot i will not see it myself, so getting outside help is the only way haha)

I hope you have a great day! Thnx for the very least reading my ask!

(this is going to be slightly shorter then I initially wanted it to be bcus I wrote a whole essay and tumblr DELETED IT, so I’m so sorry ur going to get a condescend version of my thoughts 😰 I hope they still make sense, anyways)

Thank u sm anon ur so nice omg 🥹❤️ it makes me so happy that u like my blog!!! Don’t worry at all about coming off as bad faith u only come off as respectful and curious to me. I’m going to answer ur questions the best I can! 🙏

I think that the reason a lot of my Marius posts seem to contradict parts of canon is bcus Marius is a very self contradictory character. His wants are often in conflict with each other, and in his relationship with Armand he is always warring between conflicting desires.

First: I definitely agree that Marius seeks out people who challenge him and does rlly enjoy it (to an extent lol). but the way I perceive it, marius likes to be challenged *to an extent*. He doesn’t want a partner who will be weak and docile with him, he wants a partner he’ll need to fight into being docile and he wants to loose that fight<3.He prefers someone with some fire in them, clearly, based on his choice of lovers lol. And I think this is bcus Marius likes the chase, like any vampire. He likes the thrill of being with someone who makes him hurt for it a little bit, he likes fighting and arguing and struggling to stifle a spark he knows is too bright to put out. But also, like most ppl lol, Marius likes to be challenged only so much as he isn’t challenged to the point of having to change himself. He doesn’t want to change his perspective, whenever a partner of his gets him to rethink how he thinks or acts he tends to get rlly mad. He wants to be challenged as long as it’s fun, if he’s uncomfortable or feeling like he might actually adopt a new perspective or change as a person he puts a stop to it. At the end of the day he needs that teacher and student or master and subordinate dynamic to stay in tact. He likes to be challenged but he doesn’t like to be weakened or caught off guard in anyway that makes him question his authority or his strength.

When it comes to Marius helping Armand rediscover his culture, yas! This actually is a good transition bcus this is also a good example of what I’m talking about when it comes to the being challenged thing. Marius is happy and eager to help Armand heal from the demons of his past by rediscovering the family and culture hes forgotten, so long as Armand is obedient and answering to his call at the end of the day. Marius is happy to be left on the sidelines, up until armand starts disregarding his authority and moving away from him on his own path. After coming home from Kiev Armand realizes that he doesn’t gain anything from learning from Marius and he would rather learn on his own by discovering himself and processing what this new culture means to him. And Marius let’s him have this, until he realizes that he’s loosing his control over Amadeo and he is not going to come back to him without a push, and he beats the absolute shit out of him 😭 again, challenged to an extent.

Second: when marius first buys Armand he explains in blood and gold that part of why he chose Armand was bcus he wanted a vampire companion in Bianca, but he felt too guilty to turn Bianca bcus she was a bright young woman with a future ahead of her, so he chose Armand to be his future vampire companion instead bcus Armand was broken enough to not have a chance of a future anyway (therefore turning him is guilt free). Then, marius learns very quickly that Armand could easily have a future just as bright as Bianca, once he’s under his care he starts to prosper, and he realizes that turning him into a vampire would be equally as cruel as turning Bianca. So his motive changes, and he decides that his desire to turn Armand is wrong and he should instead give him the chance to live a full human life just like any of the other boys. Marius wants this bcus he knows that it’s the right thing to do, to give up the person he loves for their own good. But it’s also, deep down, not what he wants at all, bcus it agonizes him to think of a future where he doesn’t have Amadeo. So this creates this self contradictory mess, where Marius is aiming both at the same time to turn Armand into a vampire and also to let him live a human life. He starts doing contradictory things, like feeding Armand his blood and exposing him to vampirism + getting him hooked on it, and then sending him out to “experience humanity” bcus that’s what Marius wants for him.

It caused Armand to be driven absolutely insane, bcus he’s being communicated two different things about what Marius wants for his future. I think Marius’s conflicting desire causes part of Armand’s desperate begging for him to turn him. Armand is so fed up with this mind melding conflict he just wants Marius to rip the band aid off and do it 😭 cuz they both know it’s what they both want. And Marius knows that this is the terrible abusive option, and he can’t get Armand to see this bcus Armand is too far deep in his love brain.

So my answer is, Marius wants Armand to grow up bcus he knows that’s what’s best for him, but he continues to hold out on the possibility of vampirism and refuses to cut ties with Armand bcus he rlly does want to turn him against his better judgement, which in my opinion reads as a desire to keep him young, under his control, in that limbo stage where he doesn’t need to make a decision. Partly bcus if Armand is young and compliant and his body isn’t changing the clock isn’t ticking and Marius doesn’t have to confront that his choices r either loose Amadeo or ruin him.

when it comes to the “shaving Armand was part of a vampire ritual” personally I don’t remember that? It’s not that I don’t believe u, that could totally be accurate and it definitely sounds like smth that would be canon, but I’m struggling to remember if I read that and forgot. I’ve always perceived the Marius shaves Armand cuz he wants to preserve his youth thing as accurate bcus it’s interesting and makes sense for the characters and I don’t remember anything that contradicts it lol, I also don’t remember any other character being shaved pre turning as a ritual besides Armand so I didn’t consider if it was a vampire thing. but u could be right and if so oops I’m sorry for spreading misinfo 😭 but either way that’s still gonna be my headcanon and my interpretation is much the same lol

I hope u have a great day anon and find this interesting ❤️ thank u for the ask!

[artists-ally]

I wanna start a blog but I’m not sure how to start off, I know I want to write and have some vague ideas but not sure what to do.

Any ideas or tips?

Alright get comfy I have so many things to say.

Above ALL. ELSE. for the love of god, do not give in to the pressure to constantly write. One day things will click on Tumblr, and asks and requests will start flooding in. You’re gonna get hundreds of likes and comments asking for more parts and whatnot. Do. Not. Give. In. To. The. Pressure. You’re going to get really excited, like “oh my god, finally I’m getting noticed and appreciated let me give them more!!” No. You will get burnt out and will hate it. Do it on your own time, whenever you want. Write what YOU want. Use that excitement in a way that has a positive impact on your work.

When it comes to planning what to write, just keep it simple. It doesn’t have to be some elaborate top to bottom detailed guide. I personally just use bullet points. And trust me, none of it has to be cohesive. It can literally just look like this:

Reader goes to a party

Azriel is standing mysteriously in the corner

They catch eyes from across the room

Reader is dancing with friends, and some rando dude comes up and starts feeling up on them

Reader tells him to back off

He doesn’t

Readers friend goes to intervene

Azriel comes from the corner and takes the guy outside to show him what happens when you disrespect a woman

Az makes sure you and your friend are okay

You two get talking and plan to go on a date

It can just be something like that. Or sometimes the best plan is no plan and see where your brain takes you. Whatever you do, just make sure you’re writing it because YOU want to write it. That it’s the kind of context you’d like to read, and everything else will fall into place with time.

3. Write whatever you’re feeling. If you’re sad, write whatever you need to make yourself feel better. Whether that’s fluff, angst, or something else. If you want to be comforted, write something about a character taking care of you. If you’re angry, write a crazy betrayal. It is just you, your mind, and google docs.

4. Don’t be worried if your writing doesn’t INSTANTLY take off. THATS just not how shit happens here. And here’s a little tip, depending on your timezones, you’ll want to post at different times. I’ve found that posting later in the evening, at like 6-8pm on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday will yield the best results. It’s when people are settling in for the night and want to relax and read some good shit. But honestly, post whenever, people will find it.

5. Make yourself a rules/who you write for and post it on your masterlist. By all means, go ahead and look at mine for inspiration. When you find your audience, they will ask for more. Let them know what/who you’re comfortable writing for.

6. MAKE FRIENDS. Having some support when you’re stuck on a plot point and don’t know where to go from there is so nice!! We have such an amazing community of writers here and I have made lifelong friends on this app. Everyone has their own bits of advice they could give and having a different perspective or fresh set of eyes is really helpful.

7. Model what you see. Everyone has to start their writing journey somewhere. I’m not sure if you’ve ever written fanfiction before, but the first couple you put out there are definitely not going to be your best work. And be okay knowing that. The more you read, the more styles of writing you look at to develops your own is how you get to that sweet spot where everything you write is consistent and good quality. It could take months and years, it certainly took me a long fucking time to be able to produce the work I do, and that’s just how it goes. I’m proud of the work I post, no matter if it’s for Suits or ACOTAR, I love everything I put out. Be patient with yourself and allow room for mistakes.

8. Have a note in your phone for all your random ideas you come up with while out and about. Happens to me ALLL the time. I constantly have new ideas and having one collection of them all, that’s easy to access anywhere, is so smart.

9. Let’s talk about the layout of your blog!! The number one thing you should have is a masterlist! A collection of all your links to your writing. Take a look at mine and any of your other favorite writers to see what aspects you like/dislike. It should be organized and easy on the eyes, try not to have a billion things on there that are unnecessary. You can link who/what you write, all your fics, and whatever else you wanna post about!! Whether your requests are open or closed. Stuff like that. Make it to your aesthetic and exactly what you want. It’s like decorating your room, it can be anything.

10. Last but certainly not least, welcome to the tumblr writing community. We are so excited to have you here love, and I cannot wait to see all the amazing work you put out. If you’re nervous, don’t be!! We’re all here to lift each other up and help along the way. If you ever have questions, feel free to reach out!! All of us had to start somewhere. We know what it’s like to spend weeks and months posting stuff to only get 30-40 likes. But it’ll happen one day. With one re-blog everything will change, you just have to be patient

I’m going to tag some of my besties and hopefully they’ll re-blog or comment some of their advice and welcome you in!!

@thelov3lybookworm @sarawritestories @readychilledwine @berryzxx @bubybubsters @claireswritingcorner @milswrites @fell-in-luvs @riddlesb1tch @pit-and-the-pen @thehighladywrites

[ghoulysaphomet]

An exempt from my newest Chatfic

Sharing this on Tumblr because I actually think it's funny, and because I'm considering making this into a mini-comic scene.

Chatnames:

Abel: Jason

Cain: Cass

Dickiebird: Dick

*Eggplant Emoji*: Stephanie

NotDamian: Damian

Queen: Barbara

Stoplight: Duke

Timber: Tim

Chat Room: Is that a bat? no. Is it a bird? Also no. We don’t know what that is.

Stoplight: what was that 

Cain: you should be asleep

Stoplight: well yeah i was asleep

Stoplight: ?? 

Stoplight: is someone crying?

Timber: It’s fine nothing’s wrong, Stephanie was just overreacting 

Stoplight: it doesnt sound like steph crying though

*Eggplant Emoji*: i thought a fucking demon was in the kitchen excuse me for freaking out 

*Eggplant Emoji*: what did you want me to do? conveniently drop onto the floor with spread legs saying ‘oh no step-monster i tripped and cannot get up pls help me’ huh tim? is that what you wanted? 

Timber: Uhm. 

*Eggplant Emoji*: no tim that’s not what you do in that scenario. no you find the first fucking thing you can find and you hurl that shit. do you understand

Timber : Yes? 

*Eggplant Emoji*: i dont believe you

Timber : But also, why is that your example? 

*Eggplant Emoji*: you know why.

Abel: lol

Dickiebird: but did it have to be my cereal

Stoplight: woah wait a minute

Stoplight: back up a bit. i feel like y’all may have glossed over something

Stoplight: what was that about a demon in the kitchen?

Timber: There was no demon. 

Timber: It was just Jason. 

Stoplight: ..okay that doesn’t really clarify anything? 

*Eggplant Emoji*: yeah well i didnt know that! how was i supposed to know his eyes glow in the dark like some analog horror creature?

Abel: rude

Dickiebird: :( my cereal 

*Eggplant Emoji*: dude you were sitting on the counter (alfred is going to murder you. was the rat not enough?) in pitch blackness eating a soggy bowl of cereal 

*Eggplant Emoji*: thats on u.

Dickiebird : its perfectly normal to eat cereal as an adult, its an easy meal and i was tired

*Eggplant Emoji*: uh-huh sure and next thing you'll say that you pour milk before the cereal too

Timber: What's wrong with that? That's clearly the superior way to eat cereal if you’ll eat it with milk. 

Stoplight: are we sure jasons the demon

Abel : don't drag me into this

*Eggplant Emoji*: tim. no.

Timber : Uh Tim, yes?

Timber: Soggy cereal is disgusting. If you pour milk on top of dry cereal it’ll all just get mushy and gross! If you pour milk first though you can strategically eat parts of it so it’ll retain the maximum capacity of crunch. 

Abel: it’s cereal.

Abel: only you would be overthinking, planning and ‘strategizing’ the best way to eat cereal. 

*Eggplant Emoji*: why are you surprised this is coming from the guy eating oats like its cereal 

Timber: ?? It is!! Oats with milk and cocoa powder on top is a valid meal? 

*Eggplant Emoji*: you dont even like oatmeal 

Timber: Oats are delicious. Oatmeal is gross. 

Abel: lemme guess. you hate tomatoes but like ketchup? 

Timber: Ew. no. 

Timber : I hate tomatoes and ketchup both, thanks.

Timber: I love tomato juice, though. 

Abel: bruh 

Stoplight: wait if dick was in the kitchen…

Stoplight: why didnt he react to jason/a demon breaking in to rob the fridge?

Timber : He probably recognised him?

Dickiebird : what if the demon had a family at home to feed. huh. what then?

NotDamian: Grayson likes to take stupid risks when he’s tired and hungry, especially when he’s both. I doubt he recognized the apparition as Todd and deemed the cereal worth it. this is backed up by the emotional outburst of brown taking his meal away.

Stoplight: ahh he’s the one crying 

Dickiebird: it was good cereal ok. 

-Cassandra and Jason's usernames are linked and sorta puns, in that Cain was Cass's last name (She goes by Wayne now) and that Jason was the first sibling to die.

And that's it! This is from the 2nd chapter of my newest chatfic "'Cus everytime we touch I get this feeling (That I want to kick your ass)" which can be found here on ao3.

There's no strict plotlines or anything. It's honestly just me having fun with these characters. It's not based on social media usage, because I don't have any other social media accounts aside from my tumblr (nor do i look at stuff from there) so it's just going to be fun scenarios and references to other fandom media by either inside jokes or very vague references lol.

I made this fic because I wanted to do something fun, so this is completely self indulgent.

Just fun tidbits on the batfam in this verse, which is probably more or less aligned with the WFA canon.

-It's an AU where Bruce is a good parent and went to therapy. He didn't revive the joker when Dick killed him.

- Jason wasn't revived as a Wayne and is usually referred to as a family friend in public. He has tattoos from the all-caste, which I believe he has canonically in one of the webcomics.

- Tim isn't UwU soft baby boy who needs help and someone to save him. He's unapologetically unhinged. So there's a lot of references to him knowing things or saying things he's not supposed to know. Let him be creepy, fanon, dammit.

- Damian has a snake, her name is Sting, because she'll sting you if you don't treat her well. She's of the species Bitis Rhinoceros and I love her.

- Tim and Barbara can and often will insert themselves in private conversations because they're nosy, bored or because they think whatever is being discussed could have important information. Jason can do this sometimes too, which he learned from Barbara. He mostly does it to mess with people.

- Duke's chatname is a reference to him being a robin once. I feel like his character is often either boiled down to him being either a tech-dude or moral support, but he was Robin canonically as well, just as Steph was, and he deserves acknowledgement, dammit.

- I'm not really a fan of romance, like, at all. There's very, very few ships/pairings where my mindset is "oh yeah they're in love" because usually it's just "they fuck nasty/they're obsessed with each other lose boundaries that way" - not saying that's a healthy relationship, but it's basically my sort of disclaimer that romance isn't going to be featured heavily if at all. However, Cass/Steph is in a relationship. It's not really mentioned so the reader can interpret it as romantic or queerplatonic, whatever they wanna I ain't a cop.

- Damian's chatname comes from Dick telling him not to put his real name online.

[juniperhillpatient]

Yeah it pisses me off just how people even talk about Ashley, like it’s her fault for even existing, like it’s a crime that she needs someone to take care of her or love her, they honestly sound like an in world npc instead of an audience member who can see the characters fully. Most of these people also talk about it like they’re making some well rounded analysis but it’s just a shallow shit take that miss characterizes everything, even the obvious details they get right they interpret the wrong way, I guess that’s the price to pay for complex characters who have a range of feelings and expressions

Exactly!!!

I think it’s interesting the way even people who are more sympathetic to Ashley still default to seeing her the way the characters within the story view her - as a burden for ever committing the crime of being born. That’s what it comes down to & that’s exactly part of the horror of the game. Of course it’s fantasy & there’s demons & it gets crazy but ultimately - the Graves family feel real because they’re relatable in the darkest ways & THATS good horror. Who hasn’t felt like maybe their parents resent them for being born? Who hasn’t felt like they’re becoming the worst parts of their parents? It’s a horribly sad story about unbreakable cycles of abuse & you just simply cannot analyze it without getting that. (Disclaimer: I have a wonderful family myself but I find stories of messed up families relatable in a human way & just fascinating to delve into).

I’m forever fascinated by characters who never had any chance but to be exactly what they are - who might just be impossible to save because of their actions but they never had any chance to make different choices.

Ashley might not be a good person but what chance did she have to be one? Her mother resented her the moment she realized not all kids are quiet & do as they’re told all the time like Andrew & her brother tried his best but of course he resented her - he was told to always give her whatever she wanted & basically live to raise her because her parents didn’t want to.

I actually liked the essay I was referencing overall & I will share it now (just not from the OP who shared it on Tumblr where I found it lol)

Here it is X. I do like the part especially about how Ashley loves Andrew like a brother, like a friend, & like a parent. That really sums it up, doesn’t it? He is everything to her because she never had anyone else.

Ashley Graves is such a complicated & sad character. She’s so tragic, doomed from the moment she’s born. I can’t for the life of me relate to people who talk about her like she’s a monster, missing the point entirely & like you said talking just like the characters within the game!

Anyway thanks for the ask 🖤

[jamarrseternalsunshine]

about me <3: UPDATED

This about me is for the new people that followed me & want to know more about me :)

My name is Tina but y’all can call me Tee Tee (my tags on here are #jamarrseternalsunshine, #teeteepeeps, #teeteeaddresses, #teeteeanswers etc.)

I’m 23 and an August Leo

I’m White Asian and Hispanic

My tumblr name is basically referenced to Cincinnati Bengals WR1 Ja’Marr Chase with Ariana Grande’s song Eternal Sunshine off her latest album (btw F Dalton Gomez!)

I’m a Bengals & Team Breezy fan until my casket drops!

Anything else you want to ask about me, drop it in my inbox <3 

Who I Love:

Ja’Marr Chase:

Ja’Marr has been a part of my life since I was 19 years old. I’ve been a fan of his since his LSU era and broke down on the phone when I found out he was drafted by the Bengals.

He has interacted with me plenty of times through Instagram story views (idk if it counts as interactions or what not), 5 times through Twitch (the man knows my name for fucks sake and if you need proof, message me ;) ) 

I go into defensive mode about him, his family and people that he loves dearly (so if you’re on my page to disrespect him, know that disrespect towards anyone including my mutuals here on Tumblr will not be tolerated and will result in you being blocked <3)

Tee Higgins:

The story on this one is crazy as fuck but basically I have kind of a personal connection to him via my close friend in Tennessee who played football with him at Clemson. NO I did not meet Tee, nor have I spoken with him face to face and NO if I don’t like you or know you, I will not arrange for you to meet him end of story (only person that will get that connection is my girl @partywitbarbiee <3)

Tee’s a fucking sweetheart and I’m praying that his jellyfish loving headass doesn’t get traded anywhere (because I just got his jerseys in and I don’t wanna get new ones if he goes to another team!)

Andrei Iosivas: 

Andrei is a complete sweetheart! He’s interacted with me a few times through DM (no homewrecking shit just made an edit and he just so happened to see it and he said it was fire THATS IT) 

He’s from where I’m from and if you were to come to me and you go to his high school, his teachers will tell you what an absolute sweetheart he is!

WE ARE LOGAN HARLOCK STANS HERE (Logan’s Andrei’s longtime girlfriend that he met while he was in college)

CHIQUITAAAAA <3 (Joe Burrow):

This is my chiquita (baby girl, iykyk) Joe Burrow. 

Yes, he’s done things that are questionable in people’s eyes but at the end of the day… this is my pookie bears best friend, and my QB.

I didn’t see the hype until my friend in Cincinnati and @wickedfun9 really increased the hype and my love for him

Contrary to popular belief, Joe is an actual sweetheart. My friend (the one I told yall about who was my source) actually met him at Training Camp last year and she has pictures with him at previous games and told me he’s a sweetheart and very angelic (no I’m not a part of Joe’s PR so shush <3)

WHAT ISN’T ALLOWED ON MY PAGE:

ANY FORM OF DISRESPECT TOWARDS ME, MY FRIENDS, MY POOKIE BEAR, HIS BESTFRIEND ETC.

No slander whatsoever about anyone, keep it respectful or keep it the fuck pushing <3

SLANDER ABOUT PEOPLE’S KIDS (if you aint got kids take some tape and put it over your mouth because I will get really disrespectful and you won’t like what I have to say <3)

WHAT IS ALLOWED ON MY PAGE:

ANY FORM OF LOVE, RESPECT AND KINDNESS TO ANYONE THAT I LOVE AND WHO YOU INTERACT WITH HERE.

Fact checking (because even I need fact checking sometimes)

Y’all asking about me and what I like doing

Compliments to my page (because my only priority for this page to be a refresh for people coming into the sports world)

[toxic-lullaby]

「What the older brothers do for Valentines Day」

When they’re not trying to undo a curse, that is

Pairings: Gn!Mc x romantic/platonic!brothers

Content: Food

[A/N: I wanted to post this a lot earlier since it’s probably not even Valentines day for a lot of people rn but like tumblr crashed then deleted like 3 paragraphs and formated the post all wonky and the whole 9 yards. Also levi’s part deleted like 3 times so if it seems lazily written, that’s why. Despite that i hope you can enjoy :3]

Lucifer

If you are in a romantic relationship he would get you something traditional like a box of chocolates, a bouquet, and a bottle of wine wrapped in a ribbon of your favorite color, maybe a card with a special note written on it.

He would reserve a table at Ristorante Six for you both, finishing the evening by listening to one of his many records together. Oftentimes, his pride gets in the way of him letting you know how much you really mean to him but he’ll try his best to open up to you today. Cherish this, he cant even admit he loves his brothers, you’re special.

If you have a platonic relationship, you, him, and Lord Diavolo can spend the day together. He would still get you a gift don’t worry. Pretty much the same but a bouquet denoting friendship, yellow roses, mums, or sunflowers and maybe not chocolate but instead one of your favorite snacks, or cupcakes from Madame Screams.

This would probably be a time when he would tell you one of his stories about Simeon or Lord Diavolo. Even though he hasn’t known you as long as the others, he still cherishes you and holds you as near and dear as them. He won’t say this out loud but the avatar of pride doesn’t just spend his free-time with anyone, that in itself is a sign you are loved.

Mammon

If you’re in a romantic relationship, i hope you like being spoiled. He may get you a flower or two but his main gift would be a gift basket. You know those gift baskets people make for special occasions with all the candy, hygiene products, clothing and a teddy bear? That’s what you’re getting

If he has the money (which is rare), he’d take you out to Devil’s Diner. Whats more romantic than a diner? Maybe you can share a milkshake??👀

If you’re just friends and you’re down for a Harrison Porter marathon, thats how you two will spend your night. If you’re not in a movie type of mood, he’s more than willing to play blackjack or any other card game, at home or at his favorite casino

If you chose to go out, drinks are on him. Just don’t get too caught up in the free drinks you lose yourself, you need to be able to sneak back in the HoL, after the incident you two aren’t allowed to go to the casino on weekdays

Leviathan

If you’re in a romantic relationship, bless you, he has never had a romantic experience like this, he is a mess. He was overthinking for days on what to get you, but he eventually settled on the mini valentines day funko pops. Instead of getting you real flowers, he got light up flowers that you can keep forever because they will never die.

Makes a little minecraft world for you with a special rollercoaster than shows you fireworks and little structures he built for you. (if the sakura update was out already he could add those but alas). I promise this is more sweet than im describing it lol. (credit to @/Kashii.cos on tiktok for the minecraft screenshot)

Don’t think that valentines day makes him less of a shut in, he still is but he cleaned his room extra good for you and layed down a nice quilt so you don’t have to sit on the floor.

If you’re in a platonic relationship, you two are still gonna have an amazing time. Did someone say co-op video games?? On top of those, you’ll also play fun sleepover games like justdance and the tsl board game.

If you’re into nail art, MAYBE you can convince Levi to let you paint his nails, watch out for Asmo though you’re seriously stepping on his toes.

•

☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆

[m1ckeyb3rry]

A

PSYCHIC DAMAGE LMFAOOOP omg…now I’m shaking just thinking of the wc HAHAHA I’ll start mentally preparing…

OK DID YOU READ THE CH???? ANOTHER MANIFESTATION OFF THE LIST?? I’m strike throughing this to make it harder to read at first glance in case you haven’t read yet We literally said tabieita best duo because they’re mature enough and confident enough alone which allows them to duo without dependence THAT WAS LITERALLY LIKE HALF THE CH????

Yuki third wheel friend…yuki the “walk behind the duo on the sidewalk” third friend….tbh I think the person I’ve seen him with the most is actually Isagi??? From his little tantrum/rivalry moment….no ykw you’re so right we claim yuki!!

LMAOOOOOOO I’m crying this is so true to their dynamic and I love it sm….barou nagi honestly another iconic duo I can imagine Barou being like “you better stand six feet away from my ball at all times”…

STOP WAIT THATS GENIUS Barou one of the girls HAHAHA that’s so real though!! It kinda reminds me about how Kunigami was canonically like that before bllk because he hung around his sisters a lot!! IM GONNA SHIT MYSELF LAUGHING “y/n l/n is a lovely girl who can really keep a house clean. any man would be lucky to have her” GOODBYE the duo wingman plus imposter wingman dynamic im so living for this….

OOOH NICE!! Except for the knocked out part LOL I feel like I’ve heard that they have that effect…but fr!!! I have no idea how it’d work exactly but you could also maybe consider taking a smaller dosage to see if it’s enough to keep the nausea under control without glueing your eyes shut….that’s sometimes what I do with allergy meds LOL

PARAGLIDING omgggg HAVE FUN!!!! I can def imagine how it’d seem intimidating but I bet you’ll have a lot of fun once you’re in the air!! Just channel your inner crow HAHA THE EMO MOMENT LMAOO BUT DONT LOOK OUT THE WINDOW /hj I feel like seeing the scenery and other cars move from the side perspective makes that dizzy feeling worse…..could be different for you though but that’s what I’ve noticed!

REAL lowk I wonder if it’s maybe more of a he doesn’t actually know what loneliness is because he’s been left alone all his life kind of thing….but anyways…..

-Karasu anon

YOU SHOULD BE SCARED 😈 or alternatively grateful HAHA looking back at that 6-9k word count estimate is cracking me up because this one is making the otoya version look short 😭

I DID READ IT FINALLY AND OMG WHEN NAGI CALLED THEM A MATURE PARTNERSHIP I WAS LIKE ??? why is bro reading the tumblr convos that’s word for word what we said in the past 😟 also wait this is cracking me up…

CANNOT believe we have a canon panel of hollyhock sengoku era otoya now ⁉️ pov bro on his way to chill in y/n’s room instead of actually trying to find and kill reiji hiiragi as he was hired to 🤫

i do think i’ve seen him with isagi the most also because of the mancity match but tbh isagi has so many more relevant duos (rin, bachira, barou, even hiori and nagi) that it feels very very one sided?? i wish yuki and kuni or yuki and reo would become a duo because i think he would work w either of them really well!! technically reo and nagi are already a thing but it could be a way to break them up and let them find new friends and partners that push them more!! and kunigami + chigiri is also a thing but chigiri is so chill w everyone that i could see kuni and yuki being like a secondary duo the way isagi and hiori are

BAROUNAGI MY FAVS IN EVERY WAY!! truly they have the relationship rin and sae could have if they were just a tiny bit more normal abt things/their rivalry (but you didn’t hear that from me 😶‍🌫️) and LMAOO omg wait lowkey if only kunigami wasn’t busy in wildcard he would also be a hilarious prospect for that kind of thing 😭 barou gives me such one of the girls vibes though like i bet he’d let his gf braid his hair and whatnot…the SECOND one of the bllk boys says smth he tweaks heavy but he won’t take them out even if they’re shit because like his girl worked hard on them 🙁 LMAOOO the yuki barou team up would be wild especially when karasu is actively working against them 😰 and nagi is also just there for some reason too??? i think it would be funny if he gets dragged into things as a repeated bystander and eventually he gets super invested because it’s like an episode of a drama for him but irl 😭 so he somehow knows everything going on but refuses to intervene on either side (which pisses barou off) because he exclusively wants the tea and doesn’t really care how things end up 😩 he’ll randomly drop hints to move the plot along when it’s getting boring though but they’re cryptic enough that they end up causing more chaos than anything…like “karasu i heard y/n likes tall dark haired soccer players” “SHE LIKES ARYU???”

unfortunately i was knocked out on just half of a pill 😩 and paragliding was super super cool + not scary at all but i DID throw up into a little plastic baggie like 5 or 6 times and was nauseous/dizzy soooo would not repeat that experience 😓 but honestly i’m still glad i did it because it was so fun besides the vomiting and such a unique experience!! truly felt like a little bird hahaha…apparently nausea and motion sickness are a symptom of my birth control so once i’m back home i’m going to call the doctor and see if they have any tips!! for now we must endure i suppose 😔

truly i don’t think nagi understands human connection or loneliness or anything like that too well so he’s fine living without actual relationships because you can’t miss what you don’t know 🙁💔 but honestly he seems like he would’ve been very loving if he was raised normally?? like despite what everyone thinks he’s pretty loyal to reo and treats choki so nicely that if he had had a proper upbringing he probably would’ve been such a good friend/significant other 😪 that’s just my headcanon though until we get his actual backstory (like his childhood not just right before bllk) and see what things were like…adding this to the manifestation circle because i NEED to see baby nagi!! i bet he was soooo cute (and also i need to know if he escaped the bowl cut allegations 😭 his hair is wavyish so i think he must be safe?? but you never know)

[bigmack2go]

I havent posted abt atwow in much too long so…

Aonunete

Aqachno/rotxorro!!!

Lesbian or aro-ace kiri

Non-binary kiri👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Tuk went from the most feminine female to the genderlessed baddass in the history of gerless badasses

^human au Tuk🤷🏼‍♀️^

Gender confused Rotxo [male or non binary] (in the end he just decides they doesn’t need a lable)

Tsireya and neteyam are besties!

Just found out it isnt canon that koko loro and rotxo r triplets LIKE BRO THE LOOK T H E S. A. M. E.

Ao'nung and rotxo both would be one of those guys to wear a purple hoodie with a black daun-jacket all fall and winter as their only outfit but it somehow always stays clean. Any way aonung would have that style in a very straight way (this man is everything but straight 💀😭)

Double eyebrowpircing human rotxo

Kiri has freckles and she would 100% be on wich-tok, tumblr, and collect christals if she were human

And tsirey pulls of e. V. E. R. Y. Eyeliner look, style and color

I just wanna say i believe in sully-brothers-wearing-toothnecklaces supremacy

Rotxo-> purple hoodie with goofy pictures

Kiri is one if those remus-lupin-cardigans girls to cry to lana del ray in the bathroom (me)

And she showed tsireya lana-del-ray

and kiri hhas a septum and an eybrowpricing maybe even a lip or toungeonr

And loak is a basketballer i just know it

And he would be one of those people who could just where whatever combined with what ever and call it style and it would work.

(Wich is the worst part of these people istg)(IM LOOKING AT YOU JIMMY I HOPE YOU FEEL MY GLARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHEN YOU WANNA SLEEP BUT THAT TNGLE IN YOUR VACK KEEPS YOU AWAKE what—)

While neteyam on the other hand would have the best and most homosexual (-/j) style that exists in this universe like bri he be so fine

And allthough he almost never does he could ahundret percend pull of indiekid (he usually pulls of normal indie but ykyk)

PLUS neteyem eventually beat some actual style into him

Also if this isnt human loak i dont want it

Neteyam also would have the best music taste and you K N O W it

Neitiri would obviously be of faith and Neteyam too. Neteyam would be one of those guys thats friends woth the cool kids but solehow hea the only one in that friendgroup that has morals.

Aonung our beach boy surfer boy he's so QuiRcy Ahhh 🤪🤪 (i just cringed at my self) Tangtop and bathshorts summerjob at some random pool am i wrong??

and tuk did karate

TELL ME IM WRONG

I DARE U

And aonung almost cried when he got his tatoos. For. every. Single. One.

Now that would be totally fine if he didn’t go around telling everyone how tough he was and how it didnt even hurt, just tickled. (Nete was there for some of them. He bust raises his eyebrows and silently judges him when he says shit like that)

Rotxos tail curls when hes rly happy or exited

If rotxo was to cook smt he would 100% burn it and when i say burn it i dont mean Oh No ITs AIL bLaCk AnD cRuSTy NO I MEAN

FIRE

There

LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME NORM SPELLMAN WOULDNT HAVE PLAYED 'BORN THIS WAY' TO SPIDER FUCJING SOCCORO WHEN HE CAME OUT AS TRANS

Oh and also i just know he loved golf back on earth

Jake showed them all human stuff like lana del ray and shit and spider is in LOVE woth spiderman like broooooo uts just a little too accurate

And they're all Beyoncé obsessed bc jake showed them

Some of these are from my friend btw but she doesn’t have tumblr. ALSO i made none of the incredible artworks! The TikTok of the artist is in each photo!

[modernmonkeymind]

We all want to be entertained, distracted from our lives. There's nothing wrong with a Netflix or YouTube binge, but perhaps its not so great that its become the default for us, or at least for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some TV, but watching the crew of the Discovery getting themselves into trouble, or the Click (wholesome though he is) making jokes about goofy memes doesn’t actually accomplish anything, and it takes time that could be used in more fulfilling ways.

Social media can be a great resource, and a serious distraction. I decided to back away from social media almost entirely once I realized I was letting people I didn't know piss me off, especially when I wasn't going to change their mind (hello Dunning-Krueger, didn't see you over there).

To challenge myself and get my head on straight, I'm embracing Cal Newport's Digital Detox for March, eliminating social media and all streaming video. I'm letting myself have access to a limited number of sites, primarily 84000, Suttacentral, and the Storygraph. I'm also planning to post to Mastadon twice a day (a poem and 3 good things), and Tumblr. I'm not restricting podcasts, audio books or music. I'll be using Basecamp, Meetup, and Zoom for personal development and to keep commitments I've made. I'm planning to revert my phone to something akin to what Steve Jobs originally intended, a sort of smart dumb phone that can make calls, texts, access messaging apps, maps, the app for my smart scale, One Bus Away, Streaks, audio, YNAB & my bank, and thats about it. In other words I'm making my phone a tool again. The question of course, becomes what to do without access to technological pacifiers. The answer really is most anything that doesn’t require a computer or smartphone, but some of my favorites these days include:

Meditation: I've been practicing based on the teachings of the Nalandabodhi, and Shambhala lineages recently and plan to meditate for seven minutes in the morning and/or evening, in addition to short sessions sporadically throughout the day. I'll also be single tasking for the most part, using activities like reading, walking, reading/composing poetry, and painting, as meditative practices.

Yoga: I got into yoga asana because I was stiff and not very grounded, and I decided to train to teach for similar reasons, since yoga is so pigeon holed as something only bendy acrobats can do. I've not gotten on the mat in a few years at this point, but want to get back to it, inspired by my teacher starting to teach again earlier this week after an extended health crisis. I'm planning to just do a couple minutes to start, probably just Sun Salutations/playing around.

Walk: A great form of exercise most anyone can do, and it doesn’t have to cost a thing as long as you have a decent pair of shoes and appropriate clothes for the weather. I've been taking daily walks more regularly recently, but most of the time this is a bookstore circuit that leads to lots of temptation. Going forward I'm planning to walk more in nature and go to libraries instead. I'm setting a 12k goal in Streaks, and shooting for 20k. I've already been hitting in this range most days which has helped with some serious weight loss.

Read: I’ve always got a couple books going. At the moment the list includes a commentary on the 37 Practices of a Bodhisattva, and Donut Economics by Kate Raworth. Books are magical things. You can learn most anything you might be interested in (I highly recommend Raworth's book), you can learn about another person’s experience of life in their own words (Montaigne basically invented the personal blog before the internet or computers were a thing when he thought up the essay format). You can also exercise your imagination and relax with a good novel (the human imagination has one solid advantage over TV & movies in that it isn’t restricted by a budget!) The plan is to dial back and do my best to only read one or two books at a time instead of the four or five I've usually got going. I'm also planning to read more poetry after my interest was reignited by Sister Jina's wonderful collection, which leads to the next item.

Write: Mostly when I say write I'm thinking of journaling and composing poetry by hand. I'm shooting for spending some time every day writing, but not worrying about getting a polished poem at the end. Just fifteen minutes of concentrated work.

Paint: I've taken a couple classes on watercolor and messed around a bit with acrylics. I'd like to spend some time each day painting, actually focused on having something to show for it each time, though that could be childish goofing around. I'd like to take a shot at using acrylics to recreate ukiyoe, get inspired by Zen/Chan watercolors, and take a shot at Sumie, though I definitely want to take a class in the latter at some point sooner than later!

PLAYING WITH MY CAT: Do I need to explain?

NOTHING: Seriously, we've become so obsessed with "productivity" and "getting things done" that as a culture its as if we've forgotten what it is to be alive as a human being. I'm going to try to do this more often, whether standing in line, walking somewhere, or just having nothing in particular to do.

I'm not expecting March to be easy, but thats kind of the point. I'm getting rid of some things I enjoy , but the fact that something isn't easy just means its more worth doing. I'll be journaling about it, and plan to post here once a week.

[kendrixtermina]

On Emotional Awareness – The Revenge of the feels.

I hadn’t put these on tumblr & it occurred to me that I probably should  

General points.

Overall it tends to be generally assumed that ppl know and can express or tell you their feelings since we’re bombarded from all sides by displays of such if we turn on the radio or TV or just listen to our friends & family expounding upon whatever is, but if you’ve picked up any self-help or couples advice book, or indeed gotten into typology, you’ll find that this is not always self-explanatory.

Now, I personally have never had this problem, but it's worth noting that, though this is not always acknowledged or given its due weight, learning to interpret/ map your feelings is an actual skill that ppl need to learn. All people.

A baby/toddler doesn't know what's happening to them at all - they just start bawling & throwing a tantrum once a certain threshold of distress is reached - if you have younger siblings or cousins you may have oserved that sometimes babies get really cranky in the evening cause they can't yet distinguish anger/irritation from tiredness.

This is where the parents are supposed to come in and help you learn, for example, by mirroring your state back to you – first, through their reactions & responses such as comfort, eye contact, touch, and sympathetic reactions.

You might also notice that sometimes mothers will narrate what the baby is doing - (‚Are we sleepy/grumpy/excited today?‘)

This gives the child some vocabulary to describe their experience & a chance to associate their inner states with words. Paying attention to the child’s feelings also signals that this is important, salient information, just like pointing out colors and shapes teaches a baby to pay attention to colors.

Once the child is a little bit older and has picked up some words, the parent can then ask the child about their feelings, for example by asking them why they engaged in some bad behavior, encouraging the child to reflect on their own motivations.

Eventually a feedback loop arises and the child becomes able to self-regulate.

If you are a parent, this is part of your job as much as potty training or teaching your kids to speak and bathe themselves –

Books or TV shows geared at small children also feature narration explaining the characters’ feelings for this reason.

But sometimes the parents just want the kid to shut up & don't make noise so rather than doing any of the above things they just say „shut up!“ or dole out harsh punitive measures.

In that case, the above learning doesn’t really happen; What the child learns instead is, at best, to shut up, and at worst, that the parents are to be feared.

In some western cultures (founded as they are on the patriarchal and discipline-heavy roman civilization) even well-meaning parents do this because of bogus cultural values like "girls don't fight" or "boys don't cry" etc.

In particular we seem to think that boys don’t need crucial life skills like self-regulation (or cooking or cleaning.)

& due to the bias of male hyperagency even nominally ‚feminist’ sources often phrase this as being about making sure the boy doesn‘t grow up to exploit or be a jerk to his girlfriend.

He may be a lazy jerk if he chooses to do so but most crucially, if your son leaves your house without important life skills you have failed him as a parent – thats why you see so many dudes shooting themselves after divorces or work-related failures.

Obviously some personality type combinations are going to be more or less "talented" at learning emotional awareness (eg. a Fi dom 4 is going to pick up awareness of their feelings even if the parents are horrible and ignore them completely cause this is where their attention constantly goes. Which isn't necessarily a blessing, since they'd mainly be noticing how awful they feel about being ignored by their parents and be stuck constantly "looking" at that pain.)

Even so it’s important to realize that this is a learnable skill that can be practiced & learned despite different talent levels. (with the caveat that there might be conditions such as autism, depression or ptsd creating extra difficulties for some)

Everyone who can do it learned it at some point and if you’re lagging behind you can teach yourself, if not quite with the effortlessness of a well-cherished toddler.

So I’d like to encourage you to think of feelings detection hangups less as something specific to particular types (like, say, the competency triad) and more as yet another fixable self-awareness deficit – though type may of course influence level of talent as well as the particular ways such feelings detection deficits might manifest.

Still if you read or listen to ppl’s experiences on the internet you will find examples of low awareness individuals of almost all types.

Like with the detecting shapes example, not everyone needs to be a master painter or tell apart 30 shades of purple, but everyone ought to leave kindergarten with enough understanding of basic shapes & colors for the needs of daily life.

An interesting contrasting example is the Inuit culture – outside visitors often find the ppl there remarkably even-tempered. That is because there is culturally a great taboo against yelling at children & a big emphasis on teaching awareness of feelings – one example is that if a child misbehaves, the parent might ask at a later point in time why the child doesn’t do the bad behavior – eg „why don’t you hit me right now?“ Usually the kid won’t want to do so when they’ve long since calmed down, which makes them notice the difference between the current calm state & how they were angry during the acting out.

Type-specific hangups.

1 – the chief issue here is that 1s constantly evaluate everything including themselves. Is this the correct feeling for this situation? Is this the appropriate amount thereof? There can be the concern that feeling the „wrong“ thing to an „excessive“ amount could make you biased, „selfish“, „out of control“ or „bad“.

In the extreme you might be clamping down on any impulse no matter what it is before you have a time to „sample“ it – though, even if it doesn’t get that far, pleasure & anger in particular can be treated as suspect unless „justified“. Plus there can be a tendency to convert other things into anger or frustration (that last bit being somewhat common to all the impulse types)

2 – generally a high expressiveness type, but also a positive one. There is a tendency to cultivate positive feelings towards oneself and others (reminding oneself of positive, loveable qualities of either oneself, if criticised, or those one wishes to keep the peace with) so that feelings perceived as „unappealing“ like anger, frustration ambition or need can be repressed out of awareness.

Anger, resentment and disappointed expectations are common candidates… until it can’t be repressed anymore and the person hits the line to 8 and goes poof.

3 – probably the one that most commonly reports/ struggles with getting somewhat numbed out, either because they’re too focussed on the ‚social‘ emotions they’re supposed to be performing, or sort of put them off because there’s always stuff to do. Whereas 1s clamp down on already existing reactions (which is only possible to a limited extent) and 5s try not to get worked up in the first place (but once a reaction is there, its there), 3 is the one type that can really „flip a switch“, that is, squeeze all the attention into the compartment with the planning & impulses. But the „stuff“ is never far behind since one always has to leave one figurative toe in the dominant center (through which one is percieving the environment) so this often leads to busy compulsive activity and a „flight“-style adversity coping style.

Since the heart is in its own „compartment“ there can be the impression that making time for feelings means paralysis – plus, the more counterdependent 3s might see it as a liability/vulnerability or think showing struggles make them unappealing or „weak“.

4 – overall the least likely type to have this problem since its attention pattern is one of constant interpretation of one’s inner experience, (rather more likely to over-focus on one’s feelings), but there can still an issue of disowning or dismissing sentiments that seem too simple, banal or generic, like harmless silly fun or being upset over an everyday triviality. It might help to look for the reasons for your upset in the recent past & everyday circumstances. If anything else, those are more easily solveable. Also, even if you happened to like the same problematic elf as half of tumblr and are somewhat embarassed of this, sometimes authenticity means admitting that. And at least refusing to touch the most popular ship or universally accepted headcannons for him

5 – tends to be inattentive toward and uncomfortable with physical experience, and hence not very plugged into the sort of body sensations that are of course one possible ways to track your feelings. Also, due to a fairly neutral base mood and an not entirely conscious avoidance toward anything that’s distracting or exhausting there isn’t always something to notice, so it doesn’t take that lacking an environment for one of these to make it to adulthood without cultivating much of a sense for this, though it’s by no means universal (outward expressiveness or comfort with talking about stuff being separate variables - Plus on the lower levels most feelings that did happen would center on their pursuits or inner fantasies rather than being invested in external objects or people.)

6 – another type that can easily have low awareness – they’re wired to first look for the source of problems in the external world. Buying a car with a high safety rating as response to feeling scared checks out, but suspecting your gf is cheating just because you feel jealous doesn’t – in that case the cause is internal, it’s just your jealous feeling. But as the thinking can be disconnected from feelings or impulses the person may not realize how they’re influenced by feelings.

Also if they do notice their feelings, they might then endlessly second-guess the feelings and their perception of them or wonder if the feelings are morally correct or „weak“.

Some 6s very much desire to appear (or even suceed at being) stoic & in-control, though warmth, panic or anger are seldom too far from the surface. The more controlled/„rigid“ 6s in particular can sort of the prototypical person that’s calm on the surface but has a lot of passion underneath.

7 – 7s tend to mostly externalize their feelings, expressing them outwardly right away rather than inwardly processing them, plus the heart is their least used center. Normally this mostly means that their feelings tend to be a bit ‚diffuse‘ with not very differentiated labels & distinguishing but a few states. (especially the ExTPs/ Fi polRs) – However they can have a particular avoidance of & sometimes refusal to acknowledge fear & sadness, leading to a constant activity/ „flight“ pattern of avoidance & when the heart gets like really shut down on the lower average levels you do see individuals reporting some rather empty, numb or restless states where nothing quite seems to get them the satisfaction they seek (this is also probably how depression would show in one of these)

8 – Sort of similar to 7 as the other „heart last“ type in that inner perception tends to be somewhat ‚diffuse‘ even in average ppl, and that lower health states can involve feeling restless and numbed-out. Though the most avoided or repressed feelings are rather emotional hurt and genuine attachment or desire for it. (as that could be „exploitable“) and its not avoided through flight behavior but rather drowned out through intensity seeking(„fuck the pain away“), vented through punitive „acting out“ (ie. Covered by anger) or flat out denied.

9 – another one where low feelings awareness is not uncommon, particularly on the individuals that go so hard on the „best not to think too much about challenging things“ assumption to the point that it leads to little follow up questions or introspection. Also 9 tend to sometimes diffuse their impulses somewhat (so that helpful hints like „i want to punch that bastard!“ dont always appear in consciousness), are sensitive to strongly agitated states (like big feelings) and defense wise tend to to calm themselves down „hardware side“ in response to them, using creature comforts, which might be reasonable for short term or genuinely unfixable issues but may prevent the dots-connecting, processing and addressing on issues that should & could be solved.

All of these come with the big blinking neon arrow caveat that generally Fi types in the mbti will have more feelings awareness than others of the same enneagram type. This is because the Fi function gets it „straight from the source“, as in, the brain regions that show high activity in Fi users are known to be directly connected to the midbrain where feelings „come from“.

So, Fi users will typically know their feelings, likes & dislikes unless they’ve been subjected to extreme neglect.

Especially what is said here about 9 or 6 must be read as „...unless they’re a high Fi type.“

This doesn’t go for Fe users to the same extent as Fe users can tend to suppress inner reactions to produce „appropriate“ ones.

Strategies for improvement.

It might help you to find some more emotionally aware ppl with the same wing combo or similar mbti type and ask them how they "track" it as the same method is likely to work for you - there are probably multiple possible methods.

The first step is not to pressure yourself with expectations – sometimes there might genuinely be not much going on, you might not have a reaction where others do or the reaction you find might not per se be the same as others, & that’s by design after all your feelings are part of your individuality.

If your issue is mainly judging particular types of feelings as „bad“ or „selfish“, it might help you to read up on the concept of Radical Acceptance. (I can picture this being helpful for superego and/or positive folks)

Alternatively, you might have the concern that it might be vulnerable, „out of control“, or „too much“ (an issue you might see for, say, 8, 3 or 5) First becoming aware of your sensitive side all at once as an adult can be a handful, especially if you worry that it might change how you think about yourself or you find that there’s quite a bit of touchyness in there.

It probably helps to remind yourself that noticing doesn’t mean you have to act on it or do anything compromising as a result, especially if its just you in your room. It’s just extra information that, if anything, might help you make more informed choices.

Somatic support or self-soothing techniques might also be helpful like hugging yourself, stroking your cheek as you might for a baby who cant speak yet or ye goode olde deep belly breaths.

Finally, there’s the issue of ppl who are strongly extroverted and not used to introspection (7, 3 or 2) and might have a marked aversion to „stopping“ – something that reportedly works is limiting the timeframe like beginning with shorter meditation sessions of just a few minutes.

Other approaches are trying to „triangulate“ it using outer-directed methods, like looking for clues in your behavior, wondering what you might say to someone else in your situation, or writing letters in roleplay scenarious(„Dear Feelings…“ and then trying to reply back in a sense)

For some types like 6 or 9 it might also be helpful to have a ‚projection space‘, like writing a story about some character you relate to or who is in a similar situation.

Some types like 3, 2 and 9 might also benefit from making a point of thinking over life decisions on their own.

Alternatively if the problem is not so much dealing with it but that you can’t even locate the stuff in the first place, there are multiple approaches for that, too.

One might be trying to pay attention to physical sensations, like just trying to sense into your body at random times of the day or in meditation – I know of one person who napped their writer friends’ thesaurus for describing feelings to triangulate their own feelings.

Alternatively you could go a more direct route and try journaling – if nothing pops up, you could just freeflow ramble/ dump for a page or so and see if you notice tendencies,

Or you could get out one of those feelings wheels come journaling time or when you notice you're having some sort of reaction and try to name it up front You could also try meditating & trying to focus if you sense anything - again, keeping n mind that it's perfectly normal if a lot of the time there isn't anything necessarily aside from maybe some vague background anxiety.

The goal is, in the short term, to get some information about what things or people have which effects on you, and in the long term, to build up & reinforce an intuitive sense of associating sensations with words.

This is totally feasible, the neocortex is a wonderfully adaptable thing - ppl have taught themselves to "see" from having a "picture" shown as pressure points on their skin or to sense magnetic/electrical fields by implanting a magnet in their finger & learning to interpret the subtle shifting sensations it makes. And these are completely new things that humans were never "designed" to do, whereas you should have preexisting circuitry for tracking your feelings even if mom & dad didn't train you to use it just as they should've taught you to recognize shapes colors or animal noises.

A case study.

Something that struck me as interesting to think about while pondering the material for this post is:

How exactly DID I learn to do it as a toddler/ child?

Because I definitely did learn it but I wouldn't have had conscious memory of it or the ability to reflect on it yet.

But I am probably using an old, deeply embedded algorithm every day that I first learned as a baby, much as I do for walking or interpreting what I see - and I would have needed to expand it come puberty when sexual desire first came into the picture.

I'd say I'm pretty aware of and even welcoming of my feelings (even negative ones) so long as it's on a level of intellectual processing, but if it ever gets to a level where there is a physical response strong enough for me to notice, which isn't often, thats exhausting & unpleasant.

Though I've only been recently aware of that distinction if you'd asked my teen self she would've told you that she's all for feelings & given you a big rant about how no one wants to give sadness it's proper space nowadays and everyone wants it all to be pretty presentable & superficial, (like no points for guessing the heart fix) and I would have characterized myself as very feelsy sensitive & artistic & shit, even if I still "want to make decisions on logic"- cue rant about the whole romanticism vs enlightenment contrast as a cultural phenomenon & how feelings and reason are not opposites at all.

I suppose this awareness is because it was mirrored to me by my mom I guess. She is very enthusiastic about small children and when we were babies she would talk to us alot and narrate what we were doing. (adorable ld home video where she is commenting on one of my sisters doing typical baby things and enthusiastically ‚conversing‘ with her in a sing-song voice) And she would say stuff like, "soandso has fine, sincere feelings" or tell how she had to explain to me about recycling cause I was so upset that we were throwing the poor poor milk cartons in the trash. If she had said "shut up and dont make noise" instead of giving attention to my being upset, I probably would have turned out quite differently. Especially since I don't even remember this incident.

If anything it is my occasional lack of outward expressiveness that I was kind of in the dark about, or I just counted experiences related to that as me being "bad with people" or others "misunderstanding" me. My family is all head types except for our token 9 so I suppose they didnt find anything missing so long as I expressed myself verbally.

I'd like to stress that my awareness of physical sensations is very much piss-poor and that I find them rather uncomfortable when they do break into consciousness. I very much fit the typical "resents having to have a body" stereotype. Like feeling the blood pounding in my temples when I'm really, really angry sometimes freaks me out a little bit. - in a lot of books you read ppl, especially type 9 book authors, describing fine gradations thereof, whereas I only really notice when it's something really obvious like crying, sweaty hands etc.

I don't very much associate/ connect my feelings with physical sensations at all. If I notice the sensation at all its more like an additional thing.

I'd say my primary mode of noticing my feelings is by my thoughts or intuitive associations. That's also how I would show it if I was writing a story - if the Pov Character is scared then they would be thinking of the bad concequences that will happen if their fear comes to pass, if they have a crush they are thinking about the person alot and wanting to know more, if they are sad they are thinking about all that they have lost, its implications, everything you can now no longer do because of your loss, feeling betrayed is shown through thinking of the discrepancies & contradiction between what the person said vs what actually happened etc.

In a way that’s kind of the most „practical“ thing to do since my attention is normally on them anyways.

i guess reading and creative pursuits is also something that is shown to lead to greater awareness of feelings & empathy toward others if one does it as a child.

Heck, some of the time I even notice being hungry through finding myself thinking about food or that I'm sleepy cause my concentration begins to slip.

Though maybe its easier to build the association between the two if having a 4 wing gives you a bitty bit of "direct" access to feelingsland.

I suppose in my case it also helps that I am not 9 fixed - if impulse-based thoughts pop in your head like "I want to punch that person" or "I want to run away and lock myself in my room", that's a hint, to say the least. For 1 fixers they would be more filtered/processed already like "this is wrong!".

[baeddel]

Please. Please can you tell me what a baeddel is and why people (terfs?) used it in a derogatory manner on this website for a hot minute but now no one ever uses it at all

you asked for it, fucker

[2k words; philology and drama]

baeddel is an Old English word. i have no idea where it actually occurs in the Old English written corpus, but it occurs in a few placenames. its diminuitive form, baedling, is much better documented. it appears in the (untranslated) Canons of Theodore, a penitential handbook, a sort of guidebook for priests offering advice on what penances should be recommended for which sins. in a passage devoted to sexual transgressions it gives the penances suggested for a man who sleeps with a woman, a man who sleeps with another man, and then a man who sleeps with a baedling. so you have this construction of a baedling as something other than a man or a woman. and then it gives the penance for a baedling who sleeps with another baedling (a ludicrous one-year fast). then, by way of an explaination, Theodore delivers us one of the most enigmatic phrases in the Old English corpus: "for she is soft, like an adulturess."

the -ling suffix in baedling is masculine. but Theodore uses feminine pronouns and suffixes to describe baedlings. as we said, it's also used separately from male and female. but it's also used separately from their words for intersex and it never appears in this context. all of this means that you have this word that denotes a subject who is, as Christopher Monk put it, "of problematic gender." interested historians have typically interpreted it as referring to some category of homosexual male, such as Wayne R. Dines in his two-volume Encyclopedia of Homosexuality who discusses it in the context of an Old English glossary which works a bit like an Old English-Latin dictionary, giving Old English words and their Latin counterparts. the Latin words the Anglo-Saxon lexicographer chose to correspond with baedling were effeminatus and mollis, and Lang concludes that it refers to an "effeminate homosexual" (pg 60, Anglo Saxon). this same glossary gives as an Old English synonym the word waepenwifstere which literally means "woman with a penis," and which Dines gives the approximate translation (hold on tight) male wife.

R. D. Fulk, a philologist and medievalist, made a separate analysis of the term in his study on the Canons of Theodore 'Male Homoeroticism in the Old English Canons of Theodore', collected in Sex and Sexuality in Medieval England, 2004. he analysed it as a 'sexual category' (sexual as in sexuality), owing to the context of sexual transgressions in the Canons. he decides that it refers to a man who bottoms in sexual relationships with another man. i don't have the article on hand so i'm not sure what his reasoning was, but this seems obviously inadequate given what we know from the glossary described by Dines. Latin has a word for bottom, pathica, and the lexicographer did not use this in their translation, preferring words that emphasized the baedling's femininity like effeminatus, and doesn't address the sexual context at all. Dines, however, only reading this glossary, seems to decide that it refers to a type of male homosexual too hastily, considering the Canons explicitly treat them separately. both Dines and Fulk immediately reduce the baedling to a subcategory of homosexual when neither of the sources to hand actually do so themselves.

by now it should be obvious why, seven or so years ago, we interpreted it as an equivalent to trans woman. I mean come on - a woman with a penis! these days I tend to add a bit of a caution to this understanding, which is that trans woman is the translation of baedling which seems most adequate to us, just as baedling was the translation of effeminatus that seemed most adequate to our lexicographer. but the term cannot translate perfectly; its sense was derived from some minimal context; a legal context, a doctrinal context, and so forth... the way Anglo-Saxons understood sex/gender is complicated but it has been argued that they had a 'one sex model' and didn't regard men and women as biologically separate types, which is obviously quite different from the sexual model accepted today; in any case they didn't have access to the karyotype and so on. the basic categories they used to understand gender and sexuality were different from ours. in particular, Hirschfield et al. should be understood as a particularly revolutionary moment in the genealogy of transsexuality; the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft essentially invented the concept of the 'sex change', the 'transition', conceived as a biological passage from one sex to the other. even in other contexts where (forgive me) #girlslikeus changed their bodies in some way, like the castration of the priestesses of Cybele, or those belonging to the various historical societies which we believe used premarin for feminization [disputed; see this post], there is no record that they were ever considered men at any stage or had some kind of male biology that preceded their 'gender identity.' the concept of the trans woman requires the minimal context of the coercive assignment at birth and its subsequent (civil and bio-technological) rejection. i have never encountered evidence that this has ever been true in any previous society. nonetheless, these societies still had gendered relations, and essentially wherever we find these gendered relations we also find some subject which is omitted or for whom it has been necessary to note exceptions. what is of chief interest to us is not so much that there was such a subject here or there in history (and whatever propagandistic uses this fact might have), but understanding why these regularities exist.

a very parsimonious explanation is that gender is a biological reality, and there is some particular biological subject which a whole host of words have been conjured to denote. if this were the case then we would expect that, no matter what gender/sexual system we encounter in a given society, it will inevitably find some linguistic expression. if, like me, you find this idea revolting, then you should busy yourself trying to come up with an alternative explanation which is not just plausible, but more plausible. my best guesses are outside the scope of this answer...

anyway, all of this must be very interesting to the five or six people invested in the confluence of philology and gender studies. but why on earth did it become so widely used, in so many strange and unusual contexts, in the 2010s? we're very sorry, but yes, it's our fault. you see apart from all of this, there is also a little piece of information which goes along with the word baeddel, which is that it's the root of the Modern English word bad. by way of, no less, the word baedan, 'to defile'. how this defiled historical subject came to bear responsibility for everything bad to English-speakers doesn't seem to be known from linguistic evidence. however, it makes for a very pithy little remark on transmisogyny. my dear friend [REDACTED] made a playful little post making this point and, good Lord, had we only known...

it went like this. its such a funny little idea that we all start changing our urls to include the word baeddel. in those days it was common to make puns with your url (we always did halloween and christmas ones); i was baeddelaire, a play on the French poet Baudelaire. while we all still had these urls a series of events which everyone would like to forget happened, and we became Enemies of Everyone in the Whole World. because of the url thing people started to call us "the baeddels." then there was "a cult" called "the baeddels" and so forth. this cult had various infamies attatched to it and a constellation of indefensible political positions. ultimately we faced a metric fucking shit ton of harassment, including, for some of my friends, really serious and bad irl harassment that had long-term bad awful consequences relating to stable housing and physical safety and i basically never want to talk about that part of my life ever again. and i never have to, because i've come to realize that for most people, when they use the word baeddel, they don't know about that stuff. it doesn't mean that anymore.

so what does it mean? you'll see it in a few contexts. TERFs do use it, as you guessed. i am not quite sure what they really mean by it and how it differs from other TERF barbs. i think being a baeddel invovles being politically active or at least having a political consciousness, but in a way thats distinct from just any 'TRA' or trans activist. so perhaps 'militant' trans women, but perhaps also just any trans woman with any opinions at all. how this was transmitted from tumblr/west coast tranny drama to TERF vocabulary i have no idea. but you will also find - or, could have found a few years ago - i would say 'copycat' groups who didn't know us or what we believed but heard the rumours, and established their own (generously) organizations (usually facebook groups) dedicated to putting those principles into practice. they considered themselves trans lesbian separatists and did things like doxx and harass trans women who dated cafabs. if you don't know about this, yes, there really were such groups. they mostly collapsed and disappeared because they were evildoers who based their ideology on a caricature. i knew a black trans woman who was treated very badly by one of these groups, for predictable reasons. so long-time readers: if you see people talking about their bad experiences with 'baeddels', you can't necessarily relate it to the 2014 context and assume they're carrying around old baggage. there are other dreams in the nightmare.

the most common way you'll see it today, in my experience, is in this form: people will say that it was a "slur" for trans women. they might bring up that it's the root of the word bad, and they might even think that you shouldn't use the word bad because of it, or that you shouldn't use the word baeddel because it's a slur. all of this is a silly game of internet telephone and not worth addressing. except to say that it's by no means clear that baeddel, or baedling, were slurs, or even insulting at all. while Theodore doesn't provide us with a description of how we can have sex with a baedling without sinning, and it may be the case that any sexual relations with a baedling was considered sinful, sexuality-based transgressions were not taken all that seriously in those days. there was a period where homosexuality within the Church was almost sanctioned, and it wasn't until much later that homosexuality became so harshly proscribed, to the extent that it was thought to represent a threat to society, etc. and as i mentioned, there are places in England named after baedlings. there is a little parish near Kent which is called Badlesmere, Baeddel's Lake, which was recorded in the Anglo-Saxon Domesday Book (as having a lord, a handful of villagers and a few slaves; perhaps only one or two households). it's not unheard of, but i just don't know very many places called Faggot Town or some such. it's possible that baedlings had some role in Anglo-Saxon society which we are not aware of; it could even have been a prestigious one, as it was in other societies. there is just no evidence other than a couple of passing references in the literature and we'll probably never have a complete picture.

[backseatloversz]

good dps fic recs??

HELL YEAH !! this got a bit long so they r under the cut :)

i hope u dont mind they're all shippy

rated G, T, M, unrated

most, if not all, are one part/chapter

they're ordered by word count, shortest to longest !

the summaries are copy + pasted from the fics :')

lmk if any of the authors are on tumblr! <3

anderperry my beloveds

here are a few alternate ending fics :)

Erosion

Todd Anderson’s mind runs a mile a minute, even when it’s not supposed to.

As You Breeze Through

The two share a moment before Neil heads off to rehearsal.

miniature honeymoon

the pet name echoed in neil's ears, a warmth pooling in his stomach. 'sweetheart'. good lord, it was cheesy- but it was romantic. ----------- two gay bitches being lovey dovey!!! thats it thats the fic

to be alone with you

a brief look into neil and todd's relationship

In Motion

Neil Perry is not, in fact, a very talented poet. It is rather intimidating to find out that his roommate is.

be still my foolish heart

in which mr perry doesn’t find out about the play. in which the best day of Neil’s life has a sweeter ending. in which tragedy, for a moment, is averted.

Seasick

Neil and Todd don't know they're in love, but everyone else does.

I'll Take Care of You

Todd insists he can take care of himself but Neil has other ideas

Just a couple of guys being dudes.

the heart, and it’s attenuated whispers

Before Neil Perry was an actor, he was a boy fascinated with the qualms of Ancient Greece. When Charlie had screamed, “to indeed be a god” during one of Mr. Keating’s unconventional lessons, Neil knew exactly the feeling. Somewhere along the way, he had lost it though- the power of Ares, his favorite, all scorn and blood. Because even through the bloodshed, Ares was celebrated, worshipped. Someone so bloody, cruel could have temples built in their name, Neil loved it. But he wasn’t that boy anymore, obsessed with the gods and their problems, because now he had his own problems. And boy did he have a lot of them.

O, Then, Dear Saint, Let Lips Do What Hands Do by @tellmewhytheyswoon <3

“Maybe we could come out together, one day,” Neil says, and there’s a tenderness in his voice that a more naive person would mistake for love. But not Todd. He’s not stupid. He lets Neil hold his hand for a moment longer, savors the feeling of the other boy’s thumb grazing his knuckles, before removing his hand, and responding in a detached, blase way:

“Yeah, maybe.”

The five times Todd almost comes out to Neil, and the one time he does.

The Fire That Melts The Snow

Todd hasn't stopped thinking about Neil Perry in all the years since his death. How could he, when so many questions were left unanswered when they last spoke?It takes just one knock on the door to answer them all.

Over the Rooftops of the World

The moment Mr. Keating tells them about the Dead Poets' Society, something hard knots low in Todd's stomach. He's never been good with clubs or societies, with things that require you to formally spend time with others. Sucking the marrow out of life sounds like the sort of thing they've been doing already, even if Mr. Keating is probably referring to something more dramatic (better) than what they've been doing in class. But words dripped from our tongues like honey sounds kind of intimidating, and Gods were created sounds like the kind of thing Todd ought to just avoid entirely.

and chameron my beloveds

Chocolate Ice-Cream

hardy boys

A major crisis hits both boys at different times in their lives. Surprisingly, they're both there for each other.

[chil2de]

Hii! It's me again, the "teasing mom's broyfriend" anon. I just- you about killed me with that sequel. Hot doesn't even begin to describe it, really 🥵🥵

I have more :))

------------------------

Megumi knows. He knows what a slut you are, knows you've been fucking his father behind his and your mom's back. He knows you only got with him to provoque his father. He knows all of that. And yet, he can't let go of you. He won't do his father this favour.

He avoids going to your mom's house with you as best he can, bc he just can't stand the two of you doing this to her, the poor woman doesn't deserve it. He never touches you when you come back from your mom's, bc he just knows you've been with him. There is, however, an exception. The only thing that can make him help you tease his dad is when they fight.

When it happens, Megumi goes visit your mom with you, and whenever she can't see it, he makes it a point to touch you a little more than would be appropriate in front of Toji. The mix of Megumi's hands all over you and Toji's warning glare could probably make you cum right then and there. Once, when your mom was out doing grocery shopping and Toji stayed behind with the two of you, Megs was all to eager to fuck you, make you scream his name, all for Toji's benefit.

Oh, you do so love it when they fight. You know you should hope for peace and harmony between father and son, but you have much more fun when they are at each other's throat.

You wonder what you would have to do to have both of them filling you up at the same time...

ugh okay sorry if this post is just a massive wall of text i had to cut down on spacing because i kept reaching tumblr’s limit on characters, and uh... incase you couldn’t tell, shit’s about to get serious if i wrote this much LOL this probably looks so clunkyyy :(( i apologise but i have like a line left or two? so i’ll compress everything by saying a massive thank you because this would not have been possible without your sexy ass intellect. i was seriouly fucking dying writing this, it might be the first or second piece i’m genuinely proud of and i thank you :) i hope you enjoy it as much as i did writing it

this piece makes sense as a standalone, but works a lot better if you read the previous piece! read my disclaimer here if you’re new <3

w.c: 2.8k / characters: 15k (incl spaces) and a special thank you to my beloved anonie. couldn’t have done it without you ❤️

day and night: two.

your bedroom door shuts with a quiet ring. you can only slump down against it, knees held into your chest. your thighs are still quivering like a poor little lamb.

as you move to type out a text for megumi to not come over, there’s a faint knock at the window. your heart burns, throat clogged and knees weak.

you don’t know if you can get up. hell, you don’t know if you should get up. there’s another few delicate rips against the glass and you manage to stumble over in fear of attracting toji’s attention.

“megumi?!” you mouth his name in alarm, dismay crawling onto your features.

your boyfriend gives you a dead once over, noting your matted hair, smeared mascara and weak posture.

of course he knows.

you can discern it clearly from the way he refuses to meet your gaze.

“can you just let me in?” he whispers, tone flat as his index motions over to the lock of the window.

you don’t know what to do.

after all, you’ve still got toji’s cum flowing inside you from earlier.

you fumble backwards, moving to allow his lanky figure to slip inside. megumi manages to hoist his leg up and over, squeezing inside with ease. he closes the window shut behind him, pulling the curtains.

“m-megumi? what are you doing he-“

he doesn’t have time to waste.

megumi knocks the wind out of your lungs as his cold hands seize the sides of your head, stealing your lips for a kiss. he tugs at your bottom lip, tongue drinking you in for a couple of moments like you’re the last meal he’ll ever eat.

“shit.” he hisses, pulling his face back and screwing his eyebrows in mutiny.

oh, but if you didn’t love the way he looked at you like you were pure filth.

“you taste like him. it’s disgusting.” he spits, wiping his delicate lips with the back of his hand.

he knew, but there was always a part of him that wished you wouldn’t submit yourself to the likes of toji. he just had to see it for himself.

“come on, megumi-chan~ thats no way to talk to your girlfriend, is it?

your mother doesn’t deserve this. megumi doesn’t deserve the heartache, either.

megumi can’t see anything but the spitting image of his father all over your body, licking and fondling all the same crevices that he has. but he can’t get enough of you. he can’t stop, can’t turn away from you. he knows that at the end of the day you're spoon-feeding him phrases he wants to hear.

but you’re so good to him.

your pussy fits him like a glove. your hand intertwines with his perfectly. your head is the perfect size to cuddle onto his chest.

there’s something about you that makes you more addicting than nicotine.

bony and slender fingertips ghost over your thighs. you can’t help the squeak that hiccups from you. megumi raises an eyebrow in scepticism before flipping the hem of your miniskirt up.

he scoffs, slicking his long middle finger against your hot cunt.

“don’t hold it in.” he reprimands you, flashing a grimace as you squabble with him.

“b-but toji-“

“but what? am i not good enough for you?”

you swallow thickly, chanting a small prayer before allowing toji’s cum to drip out of your pussy. you shiver, goosebumps licking your skin when you can feel the warmth of his seed ooze and coat your soft thighs. you can’t avoid the burn of megumi’s regard as he watches the cum slowly flow out of you.

he’ll make you want him.

megumi can’t fully comprehend why you keep running back to his father instead of him, why you choose toji over him. like father like son, it evokes a bubble of magma in the form of competition and jealousy.

he’ll make you beg for him. that’s for sure.

“get on the bed.” he whispers, tone cold and even. there’s no warmth to his voice, even with his usual monotonous tendencies you can tell you struck a nerve. it makes your stomach churn, butterflies swooping in and adorning your vital organs.

like a moth drawn to a flame, as though you have no mind of your own, you step backwards until the back of your knees kiss the metal frame of your bed. megumi towers over you, pushing you backwards as he crawls in between your thighs.

the crisp ring of his zipper sliding down clashes against the room. why should he undress himself properly for the likes of someone like you?

“there’s no point in prepping you. i think you know that.” megumi sighs, relieving his twitching cock from the confines of his painfully tight boxers.

you can feel the avarice swirl in your abdomen, cold fear stilling in your veins at the mere thought that you could get caught by toji at any second. it makes your fingertips tingle and stomach churn. when you wail a needy whimper, megumi only shakes his head before plastering his icy cool hand against your wet lips.

a part of megumi wants to let all hell break loose. if he allows you to moan as you please, it won’t be just toji hearing your cries of ecstasy. knowing your mother, perhaps she’d be a little glad to know that your boyfriend is meeting your needs sufficiently. whereas toji?

it puts him in a predicament. from a bystanders point of view, toji has no right to storm in here and to shriek at megumi for blowing your brains out.

why?

because he’s not your dad.

he’s not a paternal figure in your life. there’s no right for him to say what you can and cannot do. he won’t hold that kind of reign over you like your mother does. and megumi likes that. he relishes the idea of toji being forced to listen to you babble megumi’s name, to mewl and cry for him to hit it deeper whilst he can’t do anything but complain.

it’s not like you haven’t heard your mother with other men plenty of times. it’s only natural, right? hell, she’ll probably gossip with you about it.

a carnal desire glosses over megumi’s steel blue gaze. like a wolf waiting to pounce onto a hare. he can see the way your thighs squeeze, how you gulp before him with those doe eyes of yours. you’re practically purring underneath him. for once, megumi gathers the reasoning to understand why his father finds you so intriguing. there’s nothing better than having your own toy melt and oblige under every command.

your boyfriend’s hand finds its way to your chest, where he rests the palm flat underneath your breasts. he steadies himself, using you as leverage as he guides his dick through the cum stained mess of your cunt. your heart pounds in anticipation, drool coating the back of your tongue as your pussy throbs around him. he manages to fit his tip in, dragging the enlarged and sensitive muscle against your walls. your ankles flutter around megumi’s waist, lower body strength trembling as you attempt to pull him in further.

“m-megs- please..”

“what?” he screws his eyebrows, staring you down. you can’t find the words in you to plead for him.

“what the hell? why act all coy now?“

“that’s not how we do things around here, is it? so spit it out. i won’t get what you’re trying to say otherwise.”

megumi slips his dick out, grinding against your clit as his torso flushes against yours. he pulls you in for a quick kiss, enough to relinquish his appetite, but not enough to taste the filth that corrupts your sweet and innocent lips.

“those cute little whines of yours won’t help you, either.” his breath flickers against your skin, sticky tongue licking trails as he works to mark up your neck. you can feel the tears prick your eyes already. you’re suddenly hyper aware of your heartbeat pounding in your ears, how it throbs against your cunt and the droplets of perspiration trickling along your skin. you can feel megumi’s pulse heavy against your clit, the way his dick twitches as he smears the tip through the folds of your slick. it’s slowly driving him insane. but that’s okay. even through the static that bounces around in his skull- he knows that you hate it more.

after all, your boyfriend knows best.

your fingernails soar around to megumi’s back. you want to scratch him, but you can’t access his toned skin through the layers of his jacket. instead, you’re left fumbling and scrunching the fabric like a feline with an insatiable desire to itch its claws.

“megumi- please, it’s too much-“ you huff through laboured breaths, peering up at him through tear stained eyelashes.

it’s almost enough to make him melt. almost.

“what is?”

“this?”

he shifts himself back up, grabbing his dick and slipping only the tip in once more. he allows you a few centimetres extra before dipping back out and repeating the process again. megumi’s gaze locks with yours, as though he’s asking ‘is this what you want?’

“s-stop teasing me.. just put it in alreadyy~” you choke out a groan of frustration, ready to slam your hips down onto the full length of his shaft.

“why should i?”

“megumi, i swear to god- if you don’t fuck me right now-“

“-or what? you’ll go to my dad? good luck, when you couldn’t even fulfill your duties as being his toy.”

so fucking humiliating.

the way megumi instantly stands up and proceeds to stuff his still hard and leaking dick back into his boxers.

he’ll deal with it later.

you’re left stuttering, unable to form any coherent words, thoughts or insults to spew back at him. legs wide open, cunt empty and glistening in the blue tint of the moonlight.

he leans over, swiping some of your excess drool with his thumb before dipping it into your mouth. he half expects you to lick at his thumb, convince him to stay a little longer, but his skin sits in your mouth like a forgotten thermometer for a couple of seconds.

“if only you could see your face right now.” he hums, tone flat with a certain mockery.

sometimes, as the days pass, you can notice his resemblance growing closer and closer to toji.

-

the following day

you haven’t left the quarters of your room for the entire day. you’re stuck in bed, face mushed into the confines of your pillow. you’ve always held high regards of the fact that your libido isn’t necessarily extremely high, but when you’re promised dick just to be neglected of it? shit feels like you’re in heat. you can’t go to toji, because you’re mother’s home. not only that, but he’d be sure to teach you one of his lessons. you’re already shivering thinking of the conversation with him, how you’d even try to dig out of that hole you were already so deep in.

you can’t call megumi either… at least not for now. you sigh wistfully into the pillow, kicking your legs about on your bed as you hiss a groan of turmoil.

there’s a sudden knock at the door that snaps you out of your haze. it leaves you pumped, blood coursing through your veins and you shoot up like an attentive little puppy about to be taken for a walk.

“it’s open!” you clear your throat, humming.

the disappointment rocks your features so clearly that it’s embarrassing. it’s just your mother.

“you okay? thought you died in here, baby. lunch is ready, and your lovely megumi-kun came to say hello.”

what?

“megumi? that’s nice. did he leave a message or anything? like he just dropped by to say hello or-“

“hm? oh, no. he’s having lunch with us.”

“is everything okay, dear?”

“yeah! yeah, i’m good. sorry, i spaced out a little bit. small headache, that’s all. i’ll change clothes and i’ll come out to eat.” you dismiss your mother, keeping in the hyperventilation you’re about to undergo. she gives you a small glance of concern before returning to the dining room to serve her guests.

“(y/n)! we were just talking about you!” your mother hums, gifting you a smile of warmth and radiance as she pours drinks into some cups.

you can feel toji’s mocking stare dig holes into your skin.

you can fucking feel it.

you can imagine him saying it.

“slut.”

at the six chaired table, you scurry to sit the furthest away from megumi and toji. your mother shoots you a sideways glance, motioning for the seat between toji and megumi. you swallow thickly, awkwardly striding over to take a seat.

your knee accidentally knocks into toji’s and you instantly utter an apology.

“you should be.” he mutters underneath his breath, disguising the words as a sigh.

“so? you said you were talking about me?” you straighten yourself, perking up a semblance of cheerfulness and perfect innocence.

“oh, right! toji was just telling me how stuffed you were yesterday!”

your lids flicker in shock and you abruptly stare at toji, whose half lidded jade green eyes slowly land on yours before locking to meet your attention for a few seconds.

“sorry, what?” you stutter, finding it difficult to believe the situation.

“you know, the food? are you sure you’re alright, honey? you’ve been acting strange since this morning.”

“i’m fine, i swear. just some painkillers would be nice.”

when your mother turns around to rummage for some painkillers, she emits a squeak of alarm at the lack of them.

please. you’ll do anything to get out of this predicament.

“are we out? i can go grab some-“

“-no, that’s okay. i’ll head out. i need to grab a few extra things for dinner anyway. you three, make nice with each other!”

sure.

when the door shuts, you realise you’re out of options.

you can’t run away.

“so, megumi. how’s eating up after my leftovers feel?”

“leftovers? because one woman wasn’t enough for you?” megumi scoffs, averting his gaze.

“it’s not my problem that your woman came running to me. doesn’t that say something about you?”

“like what?”

“like, you can’t fuck her properly?”

“i can’t fuck her properly? but you’re telling her to keep your cum inside her? don’t you care what’ll happen if she gets pregnant?”

“see, megumi. she’s on birth control. you didn’t know that? and besides, if i didn’t know any better-“

toji finally allows you his undivided attention, staring right through to your soul.

“-i’d think your little girlfriend here likes walking around with my cum inside her.”

you’d be able to run a butter knife through the tension hanging in the air. the room holds its breath, and as do you in compliment of trying not to set things off into a piping hot mess.

“isn’t that right-“

“-princess?”

your fight or flight response kicks in at the malicious tone that coats toji’s tongue. you swallow thickly, throat parched and lips cracked.

but fuck.

if it isn’t the most arousing thing- the two of them squabbling over you.

toji screws his face at you, features lighting in a mix of awe and delight.

“really? you’re seriously enjoying this?” toji hums with mockery, eyebrows perking at your unusual behaviour. he can smell the sweet nectar of your arousal slicking against your underwear.

you abruptly stand up, ready to leave.

megumi’s hand curls around your wrist. he slings your hand behind your back, slamming you over the table. some silverware and plates clatter and dash against the hardwood floor.

“answer the question, (y/n).” he hisses.

you whimper a soft whine. there’s no way you’re answering that.

“get your fucking hands off of her.” toji barks, kicking his chair back.

“try me.”

something washes over you. a premonition, say. that if you don’t speak up, someone will end up seriously injured.

“i can’t choose between you two. i just can’t. so i think it’s the best option if we just stop this completely.” you sigh, prying megumi off of you. his stance relaxes and you wince at the pain in your spine. you rub your wrists in slight agony, refusing to meet either of their gazes.

“it’s been fun, but i think it’s time to draw the line-“

“no.” toji remarks offhandedly.

“huh?” you contort your face in offence. there’s something thick on megumi’s face, too. it almost looks like determination?

“i said no.” toji reiterates, taking a stride towards you.

his index and thumb caress your chin, tilting your jaw up to look at him.

“i don’t care how long it takes. whether it’s me or him-“

“-i’m making you choose.”

[ceo-of-daichi]

The little things they do (p2)...

A/N ~ I saw (TW ~ Body image) this tweet earlier today and was so upset that people could draw such things about a stunning normal girl... and then i thought... what would these people think if they looked at me (being a size 20-22 plus sized girl) and then i remembered it didn’t matter and wrote some more of these headcanons but for a PLUS SIZED READER!! (Some of these are inspired from what my friend said to me her bf does lmao).

Tip-Jar☕️

Includes ~ Various HQ characters x Chubby!Reader

Daichi ~ Loves to squeeze the inner most squishiest part of your thigh. Whenever you sit next to him or cuddle him, he always has his hand there gently squeezing the flesh. At first you pushed his hand away, insecurity getting the better of you, but when you saw his little pout you hesitantly let him.

Bokuto ~ Loves to randomly grab your tummy and jiggle it, especially when you guys spoon, he will just be playing with the flesh in his hands. You don’t understand why and at first you weren’t sure but when you realised how wide he smiled, you just let him. Also you can’t tell me he doesn’t blow raspberries there because he 100% does.

Akaashi ~ Loves to lay his head on your stomach and read, you couldn’t understand how he was comfy at first, but after the time he fell asleep and dropped a book on his head, you decided he must have been. You never let him live it down, but you did nurture him through the headache that followed.

Ushijima ~ Like Daichi, he also loves your thighs, he loves to sit between your legs and lay his head back into your lap and let you play with his hair, its the one thing that relaxes him after a long day. Most of the time he falls asleep and you end up sat there for multiple hours because you don’t want to wake him up.

Atsumu ~ Loves the fact that your boobs are more than a hand full for him, likes to lie on top of you with his head in your chest. Often thats the position you end up lying in to watch films or to nap in, by far his FAVOURITE napping position.

Osamu ~ Loves to run his hands over your stretch marks, knows how insecure they make you so does his best to show you how much he loves them and you. Also kisses them whenever he sees them, they are a part of you and he loves all of you, he won’t let you forget.

Kuroo ~ Loves to squish your cheeks between both his hands and poke your cheeks. Its practically how he greets you, a poke to each cheek and a sweet kiss on your lips. Also definitely grips your cheeks when he’s teasing you!

Tendou ~ This man looovvess to use your booty as a pillow. You lie down on your front to scroll through tumblr? Boom hes already laid with his head comfortably on your ass, running his hands over the back of your thighs. He loves to tell you how comfortable and amazing you are, always makes you blush even though you are expecting it at this point.

General Taglist ~ @honey-makki @novvabeam @scorpiosanssexy @sugawara-sweetheart @watermelonsugawara @mrs-kuroojinguji @arixtsukki @whootwhoot @minibobabottle @gemini-writes @lxvelylevi @kisskissfailmylife @honeybunny-sawamura @goddessofchaosleo @ineedsomefoodpls @thatprettybunny @sullen-angel24 @marissawrld @matsukawasgirlfriend

If you want to join my general taglist send me an ask!!

[matan4il]

Firstly I just wanted to applaud you and your anons. You all have such insight. I'm honestly the closest to a general viewer on here then anyone. I generally only use tumblr for Taylor Swift lol. I have yet to even rewatch 911. Like until I started reading your blog I didn't even clock that Taylor was at Eddie's party because I was still processing the will conversation.

So I just wanted to affirm alot of your content about Taylor and Buck from probably the most ignorant of shippers on here. Before I came here in January this is honestly how I thought of Taylor (and again how probably most viewers like me do too).

Taylor comes in the beginning of 2, Buck is smitten, she tries to do a hit piece on Bobby. Buck is so excited she didnt because "I think she likes me", spoiler no she didn't. Then shes gone. Then back when Buck was insecure and lonely and watching Maddie and Chim. Its about sex with her and her chasing her job and ditching him. Then shes back again when Buck is lonely and insecure during the pandemic. He's dumped by that rude chick for Albert. Then she changes her tune on Buck when hes scared about Eddie ext.

I only bring this all up because as a viewer I was supposed to think the ILY scene was what Buck and us had been waiting for. Taylor to me represented all of Bucks insecurities, something unattainable for him. And yet no it was lackluster and awkward. Thats when I came here.

Anyways I just wanted to say bravo to you. I'm enjoying catching up and seeing things I never noticed before.

Hi Nonnie, thank you so much, it’s so kind of you to say this! And I absolutely agree with you on the anons I get, so many are such a pleasure to read and I’m grateful for each ask I get!

And yes, that’s so much a part of what never felt right about Taylor’s storyline as a Love Interest for Buck, it just never gets to the point where we as viewers feel compelled to cheer for it. Some have hated Taylor, some have liked her as a character, but my impression has been that even some of her biggest fans preferred her as a friend to Buck and not as his gf. As an LI, neither her nor the romantic arc ever felt truly emotionally developed, the changes felt arbitrary, B/T’s compatibility as a romantic couple was barely there, especially in comparison with Buddie’s, so by the time you get to the ILY scene and even that exchange is just so awkward and off, you know this can’t possibly be Buck’s endgame. Maybe if he were a minor character the show doesn’t really care about, but that’s never been the case, so...

Thank you so much for the encouraging words and I hope you continue to enjoy this blog! xoxox

(I’ve been juggling work overload and medical stuff, but I did my best to catch up. If you wanna see my replies or check if I’ve answered yours, here’s my ask tag. xoxox)