#;confident worker

[sergle]

also I consented for my doc to use photos / video footage of my reduction on social media and shit and he's ALREADY posted my before/after photos on his instagram. and I'm experiencing an emotion unknown to mankind, reading a bunch of insta comments about how great the results are and how wonderful the new boobs look

[kerrste]

Quick sketch cause I watched the first movie yesterday

[trivialbob]

If your day starts out with you shouting at drive-thru employees you're an asshole. There is nothing else I need to know about you to confidently assert that.

From inside my car I heard all of it.

You got upset with the voice on the speaker, because the price of a caramel frappe vanilla pistachio mochachino, clearly displayed on the huge menu, shocked you. I too wouldn't pay a lot of money either for all that sugar, fat, coffee and flavoring. But I also know the kid taking your order didn't set the price.

Then you snapped at the passenger in your car who, hearing your rage, said it was okay to drop the drink off the order. Wasted words, because you already decided she wasn't worth the price of that drink. "Take it off the order!"

At the first window, where you pay, you made the kid reach way out to grasp your card. It was starting to sprinkle but wouldn't have killed you to stretch your arm a little and meet the employee halfway.

The person at the second window handed you and orange juice you didn't order. More loud words drowned out her apology. When she asked you to pull ahead to the spot were drivers wait when the order isn't fully ready, of course you let her know, with added decibels, that too displeased you.

When I got my order I looked at the woman then at that car in front. I turned back to her and said "Good luck with that." She rolled her eyes, smiled, and wished me a nice day over the sound of Ella, Oliver, Sulley and Stella barking at her. Dogs can be assholes too.

[sammunmak]

Specs & Max Freelance Police in: Hells-A-Poppin'!

+ sam’s vices !!

this is basically an au idea i had for the alt timeline! i wrote out all the changes to the first two seasons, but it's a bit on the longer side so i'm sticking it under the cut.

this takes place immediately after sam and max steal the elevator from their future selves. there’s no obvious changes at first. the director gives them another contract after telling her they misplaced the first one, but not without threat of not giving them another one if they manage to misplace this one. once they wrap up the case and free myra stump from the hypnosis, they take the elevator (and their music contract) with them and put it away in storage, vowing to never speak of the possibility that they just killed their future selves again. ah well, knowing themselves, they probably survive. everything else afterwards is pretty much the same, though when sam and max see superball for the first time sam asks max if he looks familiar. max takes one look at him and proudly declares nope, not at all, and that’s the end of that.

the first major change happens in 106.

hugh: for in all the universe, there’s only one force chaotic and destructive enough to stop me now! but you wouldn’t do that, would you max?

max: who, ME? well, i’m- i’m flattered, but-

hugh: no you wouldn’t, not without your trusty partner, at least.

max: huh?

sam: what exactly are you implying?

hugh: i’m going to… drumroll, please… [drumroll] separate your bliss!

max: really?

sam: what does that even mean?!

hugh: it means i chop off every part of you i don’t like! it’s like circumcision, but double the laughs.

max: he-ey!

sam: quiet, knucklehead.

sam gets split into 3 vices. gluttony, greed, and wrath. wrath is formed from sam’s right ear, greed is formed from sam’s left hand (it even keeps the wedding band!), and gluttony is formed from. well, the stomach. max loses all romantic interest he had in hugh bliss in that moment. 

max is very annoyed about the whole situation. he never has to do work on their cases, and suddenly he’s being forced to figure everything out on his own! but seeing sam’s awful blissed-out state is worse. blissed-out sam is basically just a big puppy. all smiles, completely clueless about everything around him, and has to be led around by his remaining hand if max wants him to go anywhere. max considers shooting him every time he makes a comment about hugging trees or something sentimental crap like that, but one look at that big dopey grin on sam’s face and he just can’t do it. he needs to turn sam back quickly, he’s turning into a sap just being near this… shell of his partner.

wrath is in the sanctuary, threatening the COPS for information on max’s whereabouts (yes it’s just noir sam lol). when max and bliss sam finally make their appearance, wrath almost immediately tries to shoot bliss sam. max stops it, of course. it seems like max is the only person wrath won’t lash out against. max has to open one of bluster blaster’s side panels, then get wrath close enough to it to shut the panel on his ear, pulling it off wrath when it tries freeing itself.

once sam gets his ear back, he seems to randomly decide to shoot at max.

max: what was that for?!

sam: i dunno, it just felt right.

when max walks into bosco’s store, he immediately makes eye contact with gluttony sam, who’s sitting on the floor eating a giant tub of ice cream. it doesn’t seem very interested in eating actual people (haha foreshadowing?) in the freezer are a bunch of popsicles. max can grab one and give it to gluttony, who’ll chomp it down wrapper and all. max has to put jimmy two-teeth into one of the wrappers in order to get gluttony to eat him, then pull out jimmy and sam’s stomach with the magic hat.

sam: anyone else suddenly got a hankerin’ for a fudgie freeze?

max: you don’t know how glad i am to hear you say those words.

greed is inside the office, hoarding just about everything in there and more. somehow there’s items in here max didn’t even know they had. or maybe greed just grabbed everything not bolted down to the floor on the way back to the office.

max has to buy bosco’s invention (which is just a big magnet), then use the spoon bending talisman to pull the spork out of the hugh bliss statue’s hand, give it to greed, and then use the magnet to drag its ass towards him and just yank sam’s hand off it.

sam: are you using that magnet?

max: nope! it’s all yours.

upon collecting all 3 vices, sam returns to normal, and they can now go fight hugh bliss. cue world of max :)

not much else changes until 204.

once they enter momma bosco’s store and accidentally reveal max’s lack of interest in girls, momma bosco becomes infatuated with him. sam and max try and argue against this for a while, until max tells her that he’s a married man.

ms b: i don’t see a ring on your finger.

max: well check again!

max flashes his left hand, revealing a bare ring finger. oh. he didn’t put on his ring today. sam is missing his ring as well. seems they got a bit excited when flint invited them on a case with him and forgot them.

(not gonna lie this whole puzzle isnt fully fleshed out. the whole plan would be that they have to go back to their prom and essentially crash it in order to help max realize he doesn’t like girls. i did also have the idea of superball printing marriage certificates instead of patents, which they’d need to grab one from him and hang it on the corkboard in the near future, then go to the distant future and take their wedding rings from their future selves. if i do ever have an idea of how exactly this all pans out i’ll make it into a fic or something. for now tho this is the best i could come up with.)

max is very proud to show off his new wedding ring to momma bosco.

later on, sam is glad he kept that music contract on him, once one of the pedros asks for one.

of course, despite keeping their past selves from boarding the UFO, the elevator is still oddly enough missing when they run back to it.

max: hey, the elevator’s gone! what gives?

sam: hmm… remember what got us into this whole mess, the temporal anomalies and whatnot? maybe it’s another one of those? maybe this is the universe’s way of trying to correct the timeline, and we have to leave the same way our future selves did, since we’re-

max: alright, alright! less talky more- figuring out how to get off this dang ship!

ah well, having two elevators seems a bit overkill anyway. 

not so long later, in 205:

sam: you better release our pals’ souls from hell, cause my excitable little friend is getting angry.

max: and i’m angry, too!

satan: there’s no need for that kind of talk. i’ll gladly release your friends. just sign this release.

max: hold on sam, i got this!

sam: …you sure, max? 

max: positive! watch this. [he pulls out a crayon and scribbles his name on the contract]

satan: and that’s that.

sam: well that was pretty easy.

satan: now just do me a favor and think of the most horrible thing you can imagine.

max: ooh, that might take a second, there’s so many- oh, maybe- wait no, i’ve got it!

satan: good. now off you go!

[max disappears]

sam: sweet summering sausages sweltering on a busy sidewalk, what did you do?!

satan: he traded his soul for that of all your friends. they never read the fine print. now max will spend eternity in his own personal hell!

max: back in the office? where’s my partner?

specs: i’m over here!

max finds himself stuck inside a now very tidy office with specs, the neat freak of the soda poppers.

max: so where’s my REAL partner?

specs: what are you talking about, i AM your real partner.

max: uh, no. last i checked my partner was a six foot tall dog in a suit, not… you.

specs: oh, max. clearly you’re confused. you’ve always had a terrible memory. but don’t worry, i’m here to keep everything in order for you.

max is just about ready to start ripping out patches of his fur when he sees sam, sticking his big nose through the hole in their office wall. after a bit of arguing, max remembers the key card. he yells at sam to use it so they can kick demon’s spec’s ass together. when sam gets in there they do just that, ending in sam throwing the demon out the open window. with max’s personal hell defeated and leonard’s soul free they leave and finally go and confront satan.

as a bonus, a fun change to a piece of dialogue in 201:

sam: how long do you think it’ll take for one of us to kick the bucket?

max: i dunno, but i think if one of us were to go, the other would follow very close behind. maybe not even by choice!

sam: does that mean if i go first, i can take you with me?

max: sure does! in fact, i encourage it!

[mugmegan]

Dyeing Power's hair so they look like siblings to hide her identity.

This is for the latest chapter of the Devour You Whole series by @mistystarshine

[waspgrave]

Wakes up at a crisp 7 am with Anxiety about my job interview in 4 days. Getting it would change my life but genuine good things so rarely happen so I’m sweating

[teeth-draws]

“What do you mean he’s scary!! Look at him!”

— taking artistic liberties to scrunkle the face of @shepherds-of-haven’s Blade Bronwyn - a man with 0.6% body fat lol

[tardismyrp]

My bingo for the season! 2 bingos is not bad

[thescentofrainonstone]

It's the voice. It's what He says YOU and only YOU directly into your ears.

Or "fanfics, audios and self esteem building"

Let me explain.

There's an addendum to be had on the matter of where we go for escapism, when it's stories or fanfics that then become books if that experience of disappointment in current life, frustration and longing is shared enough (like in the case of twilight and fifth shades).

I seem the only one vocally noticing when one writes a self insert is because of their need ultimately to feel special, chosen by the character for whatever reason is desirable to them (usually tall, dark, handsome, immortal or thereabout and wealthy but not ostentatiously because money exists as preventative from problems).

But what hit me recently, and admitedly late, relates to audio. And the baldur's gate 3 people who fell hook line and sinker for Astarion might probably back me up on this because from what I understand, as someone who hasn't played and doesn't even know the game but got still hit by the way the pale elf got into the zeitgeist (at least of nerdy people whl play d&d old fashionably around a table monthly) is that most of the heavy lifting and heart throbbing is due to the work of Astarion's voice actor Neil Newbon.

Now, audio is a peculiar thing, go check out GoneWildAudio on Reddit and see for yourself the quite literal mind🦆it can be to have someone, speaking in your ear, addressing YOU and then go convince your brain that is *not* an actual human referring, adoring, and talking to YOU.

First: audio recordings have been around a little over 150 years. So in a way you'd think we haven't evolved to understand the difference between a recording and someone there who really whispers in your own ear.

But then again, film shocked the first time they saw the locomotive but nowadays no one would dream what's in their TV is actually part of their surroundings. And to that I argue: audio has no frame. Nothing physically breaks the illusion like the screen and its separation from your actual surroundings.

Audio doesn't have that. Put on headphones, close your eyes and with a good quality equipment (or binaural) it's freaky what audio can give the impression to your brain that's going on.

Now personal vulnerability moment: years ago I went into a rabbit hole that led me to the work of a certain GWA Voice Artist. I was writing a paper and supposedly "researching and studying" like a good observer of the human condition when I suddenly found myself nothing short of addicted to sound in the form of their very unique specific voice. to the point I took it upon myself to try and understand what kind of ton of bricks hit a performer when they share something seemingly personal and vulnerable... Via audio. Which as said above, doesn't have a defined frame that separates it from how our brains differentiate everything else that affects any of our other senses in reality. Let's just say that I realised the experience of someone whose voice presented male is vastly different from someone like me whose voice was coded femme. And that's because cishet men don't know how to respectfully interact with the subject of their porn. At least that's what I saw in my brief but intense experience as a virtual sex worker, basically.

But beside the point: voice and sound create such a good illusion because of how many more human facets come through with timbre, every breath intake, every exhale, all those imperfection that communicate "human".

Now here's where it gets tricky: there is an agreement on the swoon-worthiness of words spoken to YOU about YOU in Your ear. How "unique, amazing, exceptional, beyond whatever he dared to imagine You are, how You affect his entire world and way to see at every human after you who doesn't hold a candle to your being". Which reflects in the popularity of audio and I suspect justifies the success of Astarion beyond the video game world like, to my knowledge, no character had breached before.

But.

What struck me is one specific effect Audio has on people, and I mean beyond the physical effect of the rightfully horniness. I refer to:

self-confidence.

Please consider this an invitation to confirm or deny, but after spending days, listening to a voice telling you how amazing, and special, and sexy you are, how crazy you drive him/her/them and how they only have eyes for you, don't you start to walk a little bit taller? Head a little bit higher? Hips a little bit swayer?

And this is to say: I don't think most people have the ability to do that for themselves, to write themselves into self inserts and yet being able to praise themselves like they clearly yearn to. And audio then becomes I guess like you're masturbating with someone else's hand voice?

Btw: again kudos to fanfic writers in the Astarion realm because at least they are a step ahead the last fandom I checked and if not praising their self insert enough (ever for me, but maybe I'm just a praise slut) they definitely spend more time in the pale elf's head than I ever witnessed in the last twenty or so years I've read (and occasionally written but I will forever deny under torture) Fanfiction

In this air, if you are looking to disconnect from reality with amazing heartfelt smut go check our @again-please and @fangswbenefits ❤️❤️❤️

[nexility-sims]

another day, another dollar ! renzo is up for a new role, this time as whatever george clooney was doing in ER; fittingly, he developed some kind of nasty illness in the process ?????? (as an aside: i keep thinking he ought to give speed a go, but he has developed a caffeine addiction and is drinking vodka at like 11am every day, so maybe ... maybe not.) leonor, meanwhile, had a stressful day of work and decided to blow off some steam by ???? being inexplicably good at dribbling ??? incredible. they baked a hamburger cake together later, but 1) leonor ended up in the refrigerator somehow and 2) blew off some steam in a very literally way ...

𝟭𝟵𝟵𝟰 🅐🅤 ‣ start \ prev \ next

[sissytobitch10seconds]

That moment when you make a post talking about how you wished people were talking about things other than the ship they didn't like being canon and then they hijack your post to talk about the ship they didn't like being canon

[declamationark]

I feel like Atsushi would so over the moon and swear undying loyalty to whoever showed him how to get his own library card. He'll be treating it like his most prized possession, second only to Chazuke

[the-starfleet]

Does Zorran actually hang out with any of his coworkers?

mhm, he's usually found with Zak during his downtime. sometimes, it's Zebedee. rarely the switchers get to be around him. but as Zip and Zeb leave for the stars, he's like: "well shit"

poor guy

[milomilesmib]

Leo: your shirt is giving Tom Nook

Mr. D: ?????

Piper: ooo what's my shirt giving?

Leo: Pintrest girlie

Piper: I'll take it!

Jason: what's my shirt giving?

Leo:

Leo: white boy

Nico: *chokes on his coffee*

[sharkface]

Food service worker diagnosis

[onlypositiveaffirmations]

Embrace the healing power of your body with this positive affirmation