#;;not to ruin the mood of today but
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cw: mother's day, hospital
Like every year, Green, Daisy and their grandmother Agatha visited miss Sara Oak in her privative room at Celadon's Hospital to celebrate the mother's day.
They'd bring flowers and chocolate, books for Sara to read, souvenirs from all over the world in the hopes they could make her world a bit bigger once again. Then, she'd smile and speak with her weak tiny voice even though everyone would ask her not to.
But today it's different.
The past months it seems Sara's health has gotten even worse. Without strength to move or sit down, without strength to stay awake for too long. Not even her hands could sign words of reassurance anymore.
The mood inside the room was gloomy. Agatha kept complaining about how Yukinari hasn't come yet- and how he almost never did. About how this aught to be all his fault for not properly taking care of her child.
Daisy worked hard to pacify their grandmother. It was a remembrance of how Green's pregnancy took a heavy tool on her body; how it was actually his fault rather than Oak's. But the young professor couldn't say anything except stay on his foot by the door, hands tucked inside his pockets, heavy bags under his eyes.
Eventually, Agatha left after kissing her daughter goodbye.
The siblings stayed in silence for long moments, quietly listening to the low noise Sara's breathing machine would make. Carefully gazing at her sleeping face, looking so skinny and undead as a living person could.
"Green..." she started, softly. "You know none of this is your fault."
He looked down with a frown, words locked inside his throat as he felt like maybe he was becoming a little like his mother and unable to breath as well.
"Grandma is just upset about mom. Just like we are. She's not very good at expressing her emotions and that's why she gets angry. I'm sure she's just-..."
"I know." the professor cut his sister. His steps echoes as he approached his mother's bed. "I know..."
Daisy looked down at the book she bought as a gift for her mother. A history book, because she knew Sara were very interested about the past and the lore of the whole world.
There were other books around the room. Books she read and cherished, books her children has brought her so her tiny world could feel a little bigger again.
Green, without looking away from his mother's face, spoke with a harsh simple tone about something they've been avoiding for so long.
"She's gonna die soon."
It's not like Daisy had how to complain. She felt like chiding him for saying something so gloomy but the odds weren't good for them. The doctors and nurses have been giving them sad, empathetic looks for weeks now.
"Maybe it's for the best." which made his sister frown. But he continued before she could speak up: "Because then she wouldn't need to suffer anymore. Tied to this bed for almost thirty years. Only able to breath because of a machine. Physiotherapy for her legs because she's never been able to get up and walk around anymore.
I know... she's always said it didn't bother her. But I know it did... It does."
Daisy did not feel good about this. Although her little brother has a point, it's just insensitive to say such things out loud. Maybe Sara missed being free, but it doesn't mean her life here was bad.
Right?
It's not because Green blames himself for every little problem in the word that he gets to speak such mean things.
"I thought you had grown up." sharp like a knife, yet quiet. "Mom loves being alive no matter if she had to be in the hospital. She loves us, and she can be happy despite her limitations!"
That is true. But the shame just adds another weight for the scales of his sins. How would he not feel like she could have such a better, fulfilling life if it wasn't by that? We all want out lovely ones to be healthy and happy.
He doesn't look at his sister. Instead, he leans closer to his mother.
Only if he could change places with her. She'd be much happier; she'd be astounding as a history researcher, she'd make everyone so much proud. A gem that would undoubtedly make the world brighter for everyone.
Instead, he's nothing but a boy playing professor.
"You should leave if you're gonna keep acting like a spoiled kid. But... I wish she'd wake up before you go, so you can wish her a happy mother's day."
He doesn't.
Instead, he walks back to the door, still not looking back to his sister. He speaks a little louder now;
"I'm gonna go find Gramps and drag him here." that, Daisy could agree. "If she wakes up..."
"I'll tell her." she nodded slowly, ignoring as the young professor who didn't even took off his jacket left and closed the door behind him.
Despite hating the way he said it, it was clear there was a thing she couldn't disagree, no matter how hard and heart-wrenching it was. She only hopes she right when saying Sara loved her life.
But their mother did not wake up that day.
#bit angst#;;not to ruin the mood of today but#drabble#cw mothers day#mother's day#cw hospitals#leo green#mothers day
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Do you think Bakugou would be instantly hooked on some sass? Like you’re some civilian who’s just really feeling themselves that day? Confident and on top of the world?
“Think you’re some hot shit, eh?”
You flutter your eyelashes. “I am, thank you for noticing.” And you flip your hair around and saunter off. Later when you come back down to earth you may be horrified and extremely embarrassed that you spoke to the number two Pro Hero of Japan like that
But I dunno. I think it would drive him crazy. What do y’all think?
#this probably sounds super dumb#but i’m in a great mood today#and i was just wondering how he’d react#idk#and i’m talking confidence not arrogance#you’re amazing and you know it and you’re going to seize the fucking day#fucking ruin him and all he can think of is you#kore blabs#bakugou katsuki#rambling
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Have I mentioned I love Eclipse. Well I'm saying it again.
#my ârt#fnaf daycare attendant#eclipse#Fnaf ruin#drew those lower doodles while watching it on launch day#not in a color mood today folks#still figuring out how I like to simplify them hhhh#I'm alive I promise just doing lots of stuff off tumbles#making a lot of blorbos hehehe
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I'm so excited for this movie 🤣
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me: excited to talk to someone that's also a fan of criminal minds irl
her: idk, I just think Emily's Lauren/Doyle arc was totally unnecessary. they should have used that time to focus more on spencer
#istg this is a conversation i has today#immediately ruined my mood#reid fans try not to make everything about him challenge#we weren't even talking about emily before that????#emily prentiss#criminal minds#spencer reid
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#i cannot read spanish but i keep getting that fears of uranus comic on my socials and it gives me the hives#shipping saturnus/jupiturnus and hearing about that makes me so stressed i am Ignoring its existence as best as possible but the universe#keeps showing it to me 😭😭 stopppp#my brain is... under stress and i am too Hyperfixated on the characters and everything#i hate my adhd so much#i wish i could see stuff like that and Not have it ruin my mood for so long#ugh.#solarballs#literally feels like someone has torn a hole in my heart whenever i see stuff like that#ive even blocked the creator but the universe is determined to make me see it 😭 stawp#this has ruined all of my determination to write today i am Not okay 👎🏼
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Valentine's Day cards of your favorites to give to your sweeties 30 minutes before the holiday ends! /j
#twix the bat#spooky month#sm streber#spooky month streber#daily streber#sm kevin#spooky month kevin#kevin x streber#candybats#sweet specter au#i was going to ruin the mood with the next part but i decided to be merciful today#be lucky i was merciful <3
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society if daughters didn't have to be the peace mediator in the family
#NONE OF YOU ARE RIGHT#neither of you have healthy coping mechanisms and i am saying this as a very selfaware person#one is so short tempered other is so emotional#like ok. maybe it wasn't the best thing that happened but do you see yow you're reacting rm#your problem is you already plan to ruin everyone's mood the next time you visit#you don't know how to let things go#oh and this side of you will NEVER come out for your own fuckass brothers and sisters#then it's all about maintaining peace and shit#jfc act like adults for once bro i was so tired i couldn't take it#so i decided to visit her today because no way i was going to study peacefully#and then i come back now and yall are still stuck on the same topic like.#you're 50 smth year old shut the fuck up and use your brain pls#v.txt
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the professional critic of kurosawa's filmography commenting on the idiot without reading the original novel first could have fooled a lot of people but not a depressed young man obsessed with dostoevskij as i am
#he: mifune plays rogozhin and has little no direction and his acting is over the top he looks crazed and ruins the mood#me an intellectual: wow someone never heard of rogozhin before clearly#when he says 'the best scene isn't in the book' but the scene is very much in the book he probably just never opened it#one day i'll expose myself as the real donald richie hater i am but not today
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad ���� but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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this is probably a controversial opinion but that’s never stopped me so i’m going to say it…i don’t think bllk powerscalers “ruin the fandom” and tbh as much as people on tumblr love to dog on them they consistently have the most accurate predictions for the manga out of everyone 😱 yeah a lot of them are jerks about being in the fandom so i dislike them for THAT reason but i hope everyone who hates on them just for which aspect of the animanga they focus on realizes that they literally sound exactly the same as them LMAAOAO like it’s okay to enjoy blue lock for purely the sports/action aspect it’s not doing anyone a disservice and their analyses are actually quite interesting as well!!
#‘oh but i want to see more character analysis’ do it yourself then!!#truly i think all of you would be happier upon realizing that if you want to see a certain kind of content you MUST create it#you cannot expect other people to cater your tastes just like they in turn cannot expect you to cater to theirs#and yeah do i find it irritating when bllk dudebros gatekeep and act like you can’t watch the animanga if you’re not into soccer? absolutely#plenty of them are assholes i’m not denying it but plenty are just as passionate abt the fandom and have a diff way of engaging w it#maybe it’s not YOUR preferred way but the instant you start saying they’re ruining fandom you actually become a douche on par with them#‘you’ in the abstract form of course idk what you reading this believe or do#anyways like i said. controversial opinion. ESPECIALLY on here#i woke up annoyed today so i’m in a complaining mood ig idk whatever keep it civil in the notes don’t call me names etc etc#m’s thoughts#bllk
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Genuinely wild how people can pretend to be "supportive" of ppl with depression until the person starts showing symptoms of depression, then suddenly it's "you're just so negative all the time. You just vent and complain all the time." Ect ect. Like wow! It's almost like depression makes it difficult to be happy and fine 24/7! It's almost like depression is life altering and actively affects your mood and ability to interact with people and life in a healthy and normal way! An absolute shocker!
#text#depression#mentally ill#mental illness#this was done to me by friends who also experienced depression but ig i wasnt allowed to#also the fenting was done in proper venting channels and not in one on one dms or out of the blue#so yknow#i was supposed to be the “not depressed one”#and so when i experienced a 2 year major repressive episode that got me put on medical leave that ruined everything#suddenly my isolation and inability to enjoy literally anything is me being inconsiderate and the worst person alive#and everything ive ever struggled with is suddenly a bad character trait that makes me a terrible person#like yeah ok. but your mental health needs to be respected right#this got personal in the tags im just in a poor mood today
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i would like to go to bat for cutie real quick, not to excuse anything they did because it was consistently fucked up, but because i love them and how imperfect they are. geordi was so correct for pushing them towards therapy because they seriously needed to work their shit out. having their powers manifest in (presumably) their teens really fucked them up to the point that telepathy is a compulsion. you can feel it in 'asks for your trust' at the end when there's that long pause between geordi saying goodnight and cutie listening in - like they were wrestling with that decision before ultimately making the wrong choice because they just had to know. and hell, even geordi says multiple times that this is a deep-seated issue.
"Not knowing hurts you, because you've gotten used to knowing."
"[T]he thought of not knowing what someone thinks all the time pushes you to this place where you just—"
"I know you’re hurting, I know you’re not trying to hurt me, I know this doesn’t come out of nowhere. I see how much you struggle with this[.]"
"I know you’re not comfortable at the thought of opening up about any of this stuff, you barely even talk to me about it[.]"
"Because what was coming out was coming from somewhere within, and I know you had a lot of hurt[.]"
like, it's a compulsion. sometimes thoughtless, sometimes all-consuming. it's not just something they're doing for the fun of it. they're in unfamiliar waters and something (likely their unempowered childhood around empowered family) led to them being so weird about having to know everything. personally i also think they've developed a habit of molding themself to fit the expectations and wants of whoever they're with and not being able to track that all the time with geordi makes them act out, but i digress. i couldn't even finish this audio because i had to get up and walk it off and now i've forgotten my original point. sorry for rambling about cutie again i just have a lot of feelings and thoughts about them that i don't know how to put into words
#this did however ruin my mood today LMFAO i gotta go find guy or something. christ.#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redacted cutie#sweetheart.txt#cutie#geordi
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#i hate being a negative little guy#but ive beenn in the depression pits for like a week#and my mood has been a hot fucking mess#so if im not interacting ooc#it's because i dont wanna put that on anyone else#i'd rather regroup and chat when i can be funny and cheerful and not miserable#i was told yesterday i was being short and snappy and it really juset#solidified this for me#so ill be playing genpact until my sads fuck off#today i shall ruin myself at the gym to try and see if that helps#bc im over this actually LMAO#ooc.#so im not ignoring anyone im just trying to save people for my grumpy ass <3
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Today is gonna be so good. Getting my homework done. Then go to work (which… ew) BUT mom is making one of my favorite things for dinner tonight which I’ll get to have when I get home, and most importantly I GET TO SEE DADDY TONIGHT!!!! I’m so happy!!!
#also my hair is really cute and I just feel nice today???#idk I hope work doesn’t ruin my mood lmao#*knocks on wood*#talking peach#🦁#also also also my big Amazon package comes today heheheheheeeeee
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coco save me cocoooooo save meeee
#i'm in an unprecedented bad mood and my dad just ruined his own christmas present so i'm HHHRHSHFKSHDSFHFKJHF#dear god my grandpa hasn't even arrived yet and everything is already shit#i'm sneaking away to put the final touches on this coco post#and i was going to wait until new years to post it but don't be surprised if i post it today#ITS ONE OF THOSE DAYS
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