cw: mother's day, hospital
Like every year, Green, Daisy and their grandmother Agatha visited miss Sara Oak in her privative room at Celadon's Hospital to celebrate the mother's day.
They'd bring flowers and chocolate, books for Sara to read, souvenirs from all over the world in the hopes they could make her world a bit bigger once again. Then, she'd smile and speak with her weak tiny voice even though everyone would ask her not to.
But today it's different.
The past months it seems Sara's health has gotten even worse. Without strength to move or sit down, without strength to stay awake for too long. Not even her hands could sign words of reassurance anymore.
The mood inside the room was gloomy. Agatha kept complaining about how Yukinari hasn't come yet- and how he almost never did. About how this aught to be all his fault for not properly taking care of her child.
Daisy worked hard to pacify their grandmother. It was a remembrance of how Green's pregnancy took a heavy tool on her body; how it was actually his fault rather than Oak's. But the young professor couldn't say anything except stay on his foot by the door, hands tucked inside his pockets, heavy bags under his eyes.
Eventually, Agatha left after kissing her daughter goodbye.
The siblings stayed in silence for long moments, quietly listening to the low noise Sara's breathing machine would make. Carefully gazing at her sleeping face, looking so skinny and undead as a living person could.
"Green..." she started, softly. "You know none of this is your fault."
He looked down with a frown, words locked inside his throat as he felt like maybe he was becoming a little like his mother and unable to breath as well.
"Grandma is just upset about mom. Just like we are. She's not very good at expressing her emotions and that's why she gets angry. I'm sure she's just-..."
"I know." the professor cut his sister. His steps echoes as he approached his mother's bed. "I know..."
Daisy looked down at the book she bought as a gift for her mother. A history book, because she knew Sara were very interested about the past and the lore of the whole world.
There were other books around the room. Books she read and cherished, books her children has brought her so her tiny world could feel a little bigger again.
Green, without looking away from his mother's face, spoke with a harsh simple tone about something they've been avoiding for so long.
"She's gonna die soon."
It's not like Daisy had how to complain. She felt like chiding him for saying something so gloomy but the odds weren't good for them. The doctors and nurses have been giving them sad, empathetic looks for weeks now.
"Maybe it's for the best." which made his sister frown. But he continued before she could speak up: "Because then she wouldn't need to suffer anymore. Tied to this bed for almost thirty years. Only able to breath because of a machine. Physiotherapy for her legs because she's never been able to get up and walk around anymore.
I know... she's always said it didn't bother her. But I know it did... It does."
Daisy did not feel good about this. Although her little brother has a point, it's just insensitive to say such things out loud. Maybe Sara missed being free, but it doesn't mean her life here was bad.
Right?
It's not because Green blames himself for every little problem in the word that he gets to speak such mean things.
"I thought you had grown up." sharp like a knife, yet quiet. "Mom loves being alive no matter if she had to be in the hospital. She loves us, and she can be happy despite her limitations!"
That is true. But the shame just adds another weight for the scales of his sins. How would he not feel like she could have such a better, fulfilling life if it wasn't by that? We all want out lovely ones to be healthy and happy.
He doesn't look at his sister. Instead, he leans closer to his mother.
Only if he could change places with her. She'd be much happier; she'd be astounding as a history researcher, she'd make everyone so much proud. A gem that would undoubtedly make the world brighter for everyone.
Instead, he's nothing but a boy playing professor.
"You should leave if you're gonna keep acting like a spoiled kid. But... I wish she'd wake up before you go, so you can wish her a happy mother's day."
He doesn't.
Instead, he walks back to the door, still not looking back to his sister. He speaks a little louder now;
"I'm gonna go find Gramps and drag him here." that, Daisy could agree. "If she wakes up..."
"I'll tell her." she nodded slowly, ignoring as the young professor who didn't even took off his jacket left and closed the door behind him.
Despite hating the way he said it, it was clear there was a thing she couldn't disagree, no matter how hard and heart-wrenching it was. She only hopes she right when saying Sara loved her life.
But their mother did not wake up that day.
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i would like to go to bat for cutie real quick, not to excuse anything they did because it was consistently fucked up, but because i love them and how imperfect they are. geordi was so correct for pushing them towards therapy because they seriously needed to work their shit out. having their powers manifest in (presumably) their teens really fucked them up to the point that telepathy is a compulsion. you can feel it in 'asks for your trust' at the end when there's that long pause between geordi saying goodnight and cutie listening in - like they were wrestling with that decision before ultimately making the wrong choice because they just had to know. and hell, even geordi says multiple times that this is a deep-seated issue.
"Not knowing hurts you, because you've gotten used to knowing."
"[T]he thought of not knowing what someone thinks all the time pushes you to this place where you just—"
"I know you’re hurting, I know you’re not trying to hurt me, I know this doesn’t come out of nowhere. I see how much you struggle with this[.]"
"I know you’re not comfortable at the thought of opening up about any of this stuff, you barely even talk to me about it[.]"
"Because what was coming out was coming from somewhere within, and I know you had a lot of hurt[.]"
like, it's a compulsion. sometimes thoughtless, sometimes all-consuming. it's not just something they're doing for the fun of it. they're in unfamiliar waters and something (likely their unempowered childhood around empowered family) led to them being so weird about having to know everything. personally i also think they've developed a habit of molding themself to fit the expectations and wants of whoever they're with and not being able to track that all the time with geordi makes them act out, but i digress. i couldn't even finish this audio because i had to get up and walk it off and now i've forgotten my original point. sorry for rambling about cutie again i just have a lot of feelings and thoughts about them that i don't know how to put into words
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