#;; so I'll try and achieve it
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he is polite
#vernon#vernon chwe#choi hansol#svt#seventeen#svtsource#17net#*mine#very quickly realising that 12 days was very ambitious considering the zero live performances and a sub 3 minute music video#this is all i have achieved today because my back hurts but i am nothing if not persistent and committed. so. i'll try again tmr#the thing is i HAVE IDEAS i just don't have the know-how AND ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOO RAH#anyway. enjoy this free low effort vernon gif in the meantime <3
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#hollow knight#thought this would be fun to do!#just including these ones since all the others are either (comparatively) easy enough and/or are prerequisites for one of the options here#i guess i could've also added the one for beating Grey Prince Zote since you can block him from the pantheons and he isn't required for 112%#but. c'mon now. dhdhshshf#i guess i also could've included Purity (kill the nailsmith) for the Emotional Difficulty but. i want this to be a bit more serious dhsdhf#also i'm only including the actual in-game achievements. so no path of pain; pantheon bindings; or radiant hall of gods bosses#anyway. there IS a Correct Answer in my mind dgdhshf#and if something besides that one wins or gets a lot of votes then i'll try and offer some tips for it
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Hello, 2025!!
Happy New Year!! ♪ \(^ω^\ )
#I hope I'll be able to achieve all my dreams and goals this year#2024 was one heck of a year#I suffered a lot in 2024#so i hope this year will be better#I'll try to be more kind to myself and others#i even watched the 2025 year predictions for my chinese zodiac#the year of snake is good for me#I'm so excited#daily#i wanna study#ramblings#happy new year#new year#2025 new year
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fwee top 5 things i had fun with this year :-)
#*begins talking to myself in my tags like a freak*#since reikoumi retired i have thought about zuka less than ever before in my zuka-knowing life. i used to think about REAL women EVERY day#i miss being in love with reiko. being loopy about a REAL person......damn...what was that even like...so distant (happy birthday to her)#my zuka obsession wanes & waxes through the years. it's fine. peaks were 2014 (first saw it live) 2019 (lived there) 2022 (reikoumi reign)#fields of mistria is really cute and fun....i love it a lot more than stardew. i love my crush....i love baking..feeding my golden rabbits.#i've played it for like 70 hours and it's not even out of early access....PLEASE UPDATE IT!!! I NEED MORE FISH TO CATCH! NOW!#edgeworth game was lovely. i actually was thinking of narumitsu as much as orufrey for a while. Whoa. but i never drew those ideas...#VEILGUARD....WAS STUPID FUN FOR ME. my personal and romantic little adventure :)#falling in love in a game isnt the same as when you already know you'll love a character. it's UNEXPECTED. keeps you young.#orufrey.........ya know the deal. They are my life.#the only thing that distracts me seriously from orufrey is when i think not of their love but MY love.....in video games.#runners up were dragon age 2 where i also fell in love. i immediately spat out so much art about da2 and veilguard LOL#i discovered various media that wasnt included here too..read some good manga..etc#i made several personal comics this year (the wha oc one and the Wolf one) and a lot of.. semi-personal art like my veilguard oc#i'm slowly learning to express myself artistically in ways that arent orufrey...... next year..i want to achieve various things....#i don't know what i can really manage any more. but i'll try a bit harder. just in CASE life can still be good..#OH AND I DID BG3 HONOUR MODE...bg3 was a 2023 thing but the first half of this year i was also just soulfully playing bg3. saved me#the second half of the year was actually better even though i got sick. Weird. anywayyyy *ceases talking to myself*#i pray for health and safety and peace for everyone and for my dreams to come true.
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I love how ConcernedApe was like "no, you may not have children with your adorable monster roommate" and instead of making me less feral, that just encouraged me to marry villagers, divorce them, take full custody, then introduce our children to their new monster daddy.
You made me worse, ConcernedApe.
#stardew valley#that's what I do literally every time now#which also means that I no longer marry people I actually like lmao#I already married all the women in various playthroughs in the past#these days I always just marry a man who's irritating me#steal his sperm apparently#then divorce him and introduce his children to their new stepdad#I think I'll probably never do it to harvey or shane#harvey because he doesn't deserve it#shane because I can't stand him so much that I won't let him in my house even to betray#but everyone else is fair game#...I also did this to Penny once lmao rip#she was the last woman that I married and I guess the first one I robbed of her children whoops#I think I was just trying to get the full house achievement and I was like 'eh let's get Penny she wants kids right'#and then when I was done it was like........ okay cool now I'm marrying my actual true love#I have also done it to elliott and sebastian but I like... planned it those times...#sorry I just want to have a happy family with my true love who also happens to be a shadow monster#is that so wrong
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Lil Loop doodle <3
#in stars and time#isat spoilers#I keep going to Loop to try trigger a conversation about using the knife#but I feel like that moment might have passed so I won't be able to get the achievement about dying in every possible way#which sucks but oh well I'll have to live with it
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i don't wanna spend waaaaay too much time farming in this game so im just gonna farm bosses and... uh, use that moxxi money glitch that apparently never got patched since game launch
#also should've just left this game tbh i have other 3 games that im still playing rn#(um d2 doesn't really count idk when was the last time i opened that)#anyways i think i'll try to do all the side quests. if i can#i need fl4k dialogues. bl3 fandom wiki lacks way too much stuff i can't even find most quotes in missions of fl4k#and also playing the campaign twice kinda makes me actually know about the characters so i have a bit more motivation to do so#by “know” i mean “not having absolutely zero interest about them”#which is quite an easy definition to achieve at first glance#but they have faces you know#thats an immediate -99% interest from me#i'd rather draw atlas soldiers and face mcshooty than lilith and shit#oh wait face mcshooty is not in bl3#i watched too much bl2 runs back then#maybe should try to draw captain flynt#borderlands 3#ramble
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Thinking again about my plans for Vash and Knives in ITNL
Which I can't really get into the specifics for How I'm going to do things w/o going into spoiler territory. But I Do have Vash & Knives tagged on the fic for a reason. I set up in the first chapter that Vash is determined to try to save Knives too.
Which. That choice, as well as the entire basis for all of this, depends so much on that final fight in trimax. The one that was literally a scene away from where ITNL Vash went back in time. His mentality just a hair's width away from that...
At the end of trimax, there was reconciliation, however brief and incomplete it was. In ITNL, my question to myself was How could I induce that again? Under different circumstances, How Else could we get there? And that is the long-game in ITNL.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#i say reconciliation instead of redemption. because i think redemption is a difficult thing to capture well.#and it would require Knives to feel remorse or regret for his actions. which i dont think he would really.#but. potentially. if the stars align. maybe his goals can be redirected into something productive.#and maybe reconciliation can be achieved. just maybe.#the redirection here is important bc i dont think Knives would abandon his ideals Even If Vash got thru to him#but the key is convincing him that theres another way. that he can protect the plants w/o killing humanity.#easier said than done though. vash and knives are two peas in a pod after all. so incredibly stubborn.#but vash would want to try. because he Doesnt want to kill anyone. not even knives. though if it ended up necessary.....#well. better to try for reconciliation first. that one's as a last resort lol.#ultimately vash Does miss his brother. we see this at the end of trimax. that's the crux of that moment i think. for both of them.#realizing that once upon a time they only had each other. they were Brothers. they were Close. and they both Miss That.#those feelings were buried under miles of anger and resentment on both sides. but under the right circumstances.....#thats why it's important that ITNL was a hair's width away from that scene. bc he was on the verge of having that realization himself.#i replaced that moment with ITNL vash feeling thru the plant conglomerate the whole of knives' self. and his Realization.#the Knowledge that the brother he used to love is still in there somewhere. but he also wouldnt be able to survive this.#and thus his about-turn from 'nothing remained of the brother he loved. he had to stop him.' to 'i'm sorry. i'll save you too.'#hfalhxksd ultimately it's all so FINICKY and ive barely touched on it so far in ITNL. bc Knives has been off in the goop tube or whatever#but ive given it a Lot of thought. and id be so close to Getting There... to the next steps at least... if i kept writing.#hrrgmg. i am Thinking Thoughts...
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why am i so damn insecure and unsure of myself,,,,, swapnverse,,,,, this stupid mtt fic,,,,, everything with killer,,,, my art my writing even my thoughts,,,,, i dont know its a pain to be a creator i guess maybe my stuff is okay. no its not my stuff isnt ok people only say its okay because of the type of content it is people only say that its okay because they like the trio my art isnt good at all and neither is my writing and my ideas are unoriginal and even when they are theyre not anything special and especially not when nobody sees them any fucking way in the end because no matter how much i try which isnt a fucking lot because of course it is no matter how much i try in the end nobody will see my fucking shit nobody likes my writing nobody likes my art I DONT EVEN LIKE MY OWN ART OR WRITING i dont like any of it i hate it i hate it i hate it its not good enough itll never be good enough whats the point in making if i cant achieve the level i want its been years its been years and nothing's changed there's no pointi should just give up
#swapnverse is such a shitty concept anyways. the characters are poorly written and they have rarely any depth to them#this fic is so fucking out of character and it would never happen and i should just give up on it#i should delete all my fics i should delete as many posts of mine as i can i should abandon tumblr and never face it again#i should only draw for myself and never have anybody to show it at least maybe then i'll get to enjoy the things that i create#because lord knows nobody's gonna care for swapnverse at all except for that one single mutuals#people only like swapinverse because of the fact that its just a bunch of characters they already like#not because its actually well written not because the designs are actually good or because the lore is cool#i wanna get rid of it all i wanna destroy it all i dont want this to exist anymore#i dont like the murder time trio i never liked them ill never be a real fan#fuck killer sans and fuck his canon i hate him the most out of all of them please just let this end#i'll never be good enough to achieve what i want ill never be good enough for other people to want what i want to achieve either#my art is ass. my writing is ass. my ideas are ass. everything i make and try to contribute to the fandom is subpar at best#hitricule utmv
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kind of a slow year for art—didn't find any new interests to obsess over 🤷 but i did participate in artfight for the first time, i really worked on my anatomy and colouring process, AND i hit a lot of real life milestones (graduation! hormones! living alone!), so I can't complain too much. happy birthday to me and here's to a new year 🥳
#also i did in fact achieve my new years resolution of talking on my blog more HOORAY#for the year ahead im joining 2 zines and im gonna take weekly life drawing classes to keep working on my anatomy#so hopefully i'll see a lot more progress and have some pieces i can be really proud of next year#now that im done with school i also want to work on my career growth. building a new social network.#being less humiliated by everything and learning to act normal. going to museums and clubs more often. reading more books.#um. replying to messages more frequently!!!! and trying to be a better person as always.#amen.#beepbeep.txt
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i found this lore entry recently and have not stopped thinking about it since. it is HYSTERICALLY funny to me that fandaniel's villain origin story was just being a fuckin boomer
One of few great minds in a land that had seen the slow, yet steady numbing of its people's intelligence, Amon long lamented the sorry state of Allag , concentrating his early scientific efforts on developing medicines to increase mental capacity . He soon realized that it was not knowledge that the Allagans lacked. If anything, they had too much. What his people lacked was a leader. With a renewed sense of focus, Amon shifted his studies to the field of vivimancy, and soon was conducting experiments on his own flesh in order to attain his final goal - the resurrection of Xande the First.
— Encylopaedia Eorzea Volume I, p. 25
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#ffxiv amon#ffxiv fandaniel#i just. i Just.#the fact that he tried to fix it by doing research to literally just give people extra brain cells#before deciding the problem was ipad babies is KILLING me#i don't know why it's so hilarious but oh my fucking god#like obviously his real problem with it was a) that whole post about how there's Fun and there's Satisfaction from Achievement#which you need a balance of; because if you don't get enough fun you get stressed#but if you don't get the feel-good chemicals that come from working at and accomplishing things#it will fuck you up Badly; and make you horribly depressed; and you will probably try and substitute more and more Fun in a vicious cycle#b) not only did he live in the depressing nightmare sinkhole of resulting society-wide mental illness#but his attempts to preserve his sanity with meaningful work kept being appropriated into Fun by other people instead#and c) his exposure to the endpoint of 'utopia'; where everyone is happy and all their needs are (supposedly) met#was watching people get Bored and proceed to entertain themselves with horrific sadism and cruelty#he doesn't come right out and explicitly make that connection out loud; but going by his speech in the aitiascope it's pretty obvious#there's a Lot going on there; especially once you start getting into how he leans *into* the cruelty he hated so much#i could go on and probably i'll write up posts about it. it's fucked up and tragic and on a serious narrative level it tracks#but it's also SO SO FUNNY#ffxivtag#FF tag#shitposting#ableism cw#endwalker spoilers
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i keep thinking about how “is this what justice means to you, answer me neuvillette”, despite having been used in a case all those hundred of years ago, was probably a question that haunted - and still haunts - neuvilette during the entire time he has been chief of justice. i keep thinking about how they highlighted his struggles through time with both carole and wriothesley's trials. how guilty and powerless neuvillette must have felt for not being able to support and save those he recognised as vulnerable and victims before a system that corrupted their fates but that he wasn't able to change despite his position. the theme of being a casualty of a system no matter if you're the victim or the perpetrator in its eyes. the way neuvillette took, in both cases, things into his own hands. even if it was too late to fix the hurting carole and those who cared for her went through, even if it was too late to save her life; even if it was impossible to change wriothesley's past, his verdict and subsequent imprisonment; neuvillette went above and beyond, making use of his influence, to allow both melusines and wriothesley the opportunity of a better future - to melusines by making sure they weren't discriminated, to wriothesley by supporting his attempt at a second chance in life. i think part of the reason he's so intriguing is our awareness that this internal conflict he's bound to have is so complex. you have a chief of justice, or a judge, that is supposed to be imparcial and follow the law stictly confronted with situations of social injustice, unable to protect those who rely on him. you have someone who understands better than anyone what it means to be an outcast, being able to relate to those who are ostracised and have their pain weaponise against them. you have, in vautrin's case, a friend who cannot even showcase his own pain and is still expected to fullfil his juridical duties despite being personally related with those involved in the case. someone who people constantly turn to but whom he feels like he has no right to turn to himself. it's about the conflict between his feelings and his duty, between what's expected of him and what he can actually do. i think that's why the end of his story quest is so emotional and why it's so heartwarming to have him realise he isn't an outcast anymore, that he has a community there for him too. because a system is a system and he will probably never be able to save everyone, because yes he isn't human, but it doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to belong or that an active demonstration of love towards individuals and people he can relate to rather than the theoretical concept of humanity isn't meaningful. in fact, i'd it's a lot about that, about finding ways to be kind and how community gives meaning to life; how personal relationships and targeted kindness can shape society, or at least i think so
#i don't know if this makes sense but i like how character's stories in fontaine are interconnected in the perfect way that they're used to#give depth to each other while also existing perfectly independently#i forgot to add navia's story to the post but that's also another scenario used to characterise neuvillette#the same way wriothesley's backstory exists independently but it's also used to give depth into neuvillette's character and his motivations#the same way navia and clorinde's probably will as well#i always headcanoned (is that a verb 😂) neuvillette and wrio's friendship stemming from neuvillette trying to atone to his silence during#wrio's trial. i think it makes sense. i think it probably meant a lot to wrio too to have someone be so trustworthy after everything he#went through the betrayal from his adoptive family and his only aid through his life being the melusines who aren't human#and neuvillette being that sort of comforting older figure especially probably feels familiar to wrio#i have no idea what i'm trying to say actually i have a big headache at the moment and i feel almost delirious but i just love the concept#of neuvillette as a character and i think a lot about his friendship with wriothesley how it began and the grief and guilt neuvillette#probably still carries#but also about how he also gets the chance to a brighter future and how he achieves it so naturally without even realising#how he never expected anything from his compassion even if he saw it as duty and didn't interpret his own kindness as anything other than#his own responsabilty towards others#like idk am i making sense???#he's just so cool 😂#like yeah there's a layer of there's no reason he would have any animotisity towards humans because they're not at fault for the primordial#one's actions but from that to actually actively being so empathetic and compassionate goes a bit of a long way?!#okay i'm over i'll shut up this is probably si confusing i apologise if anyone read this mess shsjhs#this is also influenced by my tbk brainrot because loving others actively is a big theme and i just think that's beautiful actually#genshin thoughts#genshin impact#my post
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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in my head, B & R really are two sides of the same coin
#on the outside: black cat vs golden retriever#or goldador#on the inside: pointing spidermen meme#fernweh saga#doing another B run to grab some achievements I don't have#so funny that they look at each other like 'why are you the way that you are' and they're THE SAME#I was making a fernweh playlist and I was like 'this song could work for R....and also B' *adds*#like - they're very much who they present themselves as publicly#and those outward appearances are very different obv#but if you peel back three layers and start poking around in there#I feel like they're so similar#oh my god why can't I articulate this#there's that line in R's route that's like 'what I want is inconsequential compared to what you need'#and B during the search party is like 'I didn't come to Fernweh to be a tourist so no I don't regret coming'#idk what i'm saying but do you get it anyway#loves of my life#this popped into my head listening to the 'you're losing me' bridge#it's 4am maybe i'll try to be coherent later
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.
#tw vent#I am so. so tired#this week hit me like a freight train#I have final coursework to hand in in less than a week and I'm stressing because I was most definitely not given enough time to do it#and everything inside me is telling me I'm going to fail and I'm pretty sure my teachers think so as well#all my friends are high achievers who always get high grades and put their soul into their work and then there's me. Constantly failing#I try so hard but no matter what I do I never make any progress and I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck here#and that eventually my friends will move on academically and maybe socially and I'll be left behind and feel like a scared kid again#I can't go outside for a walk to try and calm myself down because I fucked up my ankle#so I'm sat here in my room surrounded by work I can't seem to even escape for a second#I just wanna explode#I'm getting to the point where I'm just being unproductive because all I do is sit in bed and rot#and if I'm not doing that I'm at work or at school#and of course I can't even sleep. I can't even rest for a moment#this is shit man#so utterly shit#mel's thoughts
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The thing about the painter analog that people don't get and makes them hate it is that at heart this isn't a serious horror story. This is pure gore not only for the sake of gore but for the sake of camp. Once I was talking of to my dad laughing at the guy who had his face sanded off and he was like yeah not new they did that in Jason already 🙄 which was later reinforced by UrbanSpook admitting this is inspired by those old 80s slasher which should tell you everything.
I'm saying this bc i saw a video pairing it with Playground and the incest game and while I don't know the second I watched a video on playground once and the difference is that that book is trying to tell a story and say something on top of the gore but the later makes it hard to care. Which is kind of the issue another "gone too far" piece of media my beloved A Serbian Film runs into where you cannot take yourself too seriously if you also want to show over the top violence or you'll lose the audience.
OF COURSE there are exceptions like Hostel, Saw and 😏 the human centipede ☺️ (cocksucker for that movie and it's more serious points, though it barely counts bc the gore is very tame save for in 2) and I couldn't exactly tell you what's the difference between what makes them work and what doesn't but still.
But I'm getting off topic I'm not here to say which media is good or not I'm here to point out the painter is not a serious story that asks you to care for the characters it's a over the top schlocky gore that asks you to go GROOOOSS or laugh at the over the top brutality it presents. Which is very standard in horror.
#luly talks#urbanspook#the painter analog horror#also yes actually I'll mention THC again bc that movie is deemed to go ''too far'' which is joked about often in its sequels#in 3 after the inmates at the prison watch the movie they echo the opinions of the public (calling the director sick saying he'd be jailed#etc except for my best friend who GETS IT and is laughing ILY BESTIE) and 2 is a direct response to the reaction of 1#while 1 is an extremely fucking tame horror movie BY ALL FUCKING MEANS (1 surgery scene and its so clean. after that just a tad bit of blood#and some minor infection) they made a movie that ACTUALLY went too far#and i ironically enough hate it despite appreciating this bc it just isn't fun for me. because it's trying a bit too hard.#but in case you don't know. one of the links of the centipede is a pregnant woman. she escapes and gives birth in the car. baby falls on the#brakes. she steps on its head.#pointing it out since children seem to be the point ppl go THIS IS TOO FAR#i personally found the baby squishing the highlight of the movie. second to that is. the barbed wire rape#which i didn't like because i don't enjoy seeing women be raped in my movies but its like#so funny man. literally bro put barbed wire on his cock. like that's just iconic#what shit like this and the painter are trying to achieve is simple shock. and that's FUN.#if you dont find it fun that's literally okay it simply isn't your piece of cake but that doesn't mean its bad or it shouldn't exist.#like i still see ppl insult it like GROW UP... THIS KIND OF HORROR HAS EXISTED FOREVER STOP BEING SUCH A BABY MAN
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