#//these two make me insane i think
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after jasons death bruce "accidentally" slips harvey a crowbar while hes in arkham and kisses his cheek and says, voice soft and colder than ice, "make him hurt for me honey"
it takes 6 guards to sedate and drag two face off the joker the next time two face sees him and for the rest of their lives as soon as harvey sees the joker he goes after him like a rabid dog.
#harvey voice: you know why im not killing you jokes? cause you can only die once and i want to hurt you so much more than i want to kill you#jason was harveys baby too after all#spent my entire boring work meeting thinking about how robin!jason bruharvey would end in the joker dying no matter what bc of two face#this is all bruciemilfs fault btw. theyve been making me insane about bruharvey#bruce wayne#harvey dent#two face#also bruce doesnt tell harvey to kill or not kill the joker bc he cant request someones death#but he also cant make himself ask for his sons murderer to be spared#i dont think any version of bruce would be comfortable with openly planning someones death let alone actually doing it#but after jasons death he gets so cold and numb to everything that he just turns away from it#he knows hes being too violent.knows hes hurting people too much but the only time hes not remembering how small jasons body was in his arms#is when his blood is roaring in his ears during a fight. maybe if he becomes the worst monster in gothams shadows#no more little boys will go cold and silent. no more fathers will stand in the doorway of rooms that will never be full again
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forever obsessed with dynamics between vampires, specifically that of a maker and fledgling, as a way to explore abuse. the creation of a vampire itself can so easily be a literalization of the lasting impacts of trauma and also much more simply the ways a perpetrator might shape their victim’s very identity. the extremes of isolation in the way that the new vampire, in most narratives, must cut all ties to their mortal life, or else go through an elaborate charade to maintain the facade of humanity, while forever still being removed from it. and the sheer dependence and vulnerability of being in an entirely new state of being, wholly uncertain of what it entails, and relying on another person to define… everything.
#or just the moral dilemmas#rewatching amc interview is kind of making me insane#that moment in episode two when louis is looking for a sort of assurance in the fact that lestat may actually have some good in him#look at how he cares about music look at the simple wondrous things that can bring him joy#and then the immediate dread when the opera performance turns out to be imperfect because he knows how lestat will react to *that*#I think there’s also something really interesting in the highlighting of lestat upbraids the less skilled singer before killing him#(slowly)#but also I will wait to watch more before I articulate my thoughts#vampires#interview with the vampire#amc interview with the vampire#i ramble sometimes#I do still find the lestat and claudia film and novel dynamic by far the most compelling for how she tries to usurp him but almost to be him#but I’m enjoying this#I’m very curious if I will like show claudia more on rewatch#the movie always resonated most with me (sue me lol) because there seemed to be more simultaneous fondness and attachment even at the end
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all evenings close like this
#PEARL - AQUAMARINE#spent longer figuring out the reflection than actually painting the damn thing. yes it's still shit. no i don't care#this is all i could think of for the past like day or two#oh my gooodddd i love box soooo much#imagine being dead for years and years and years and years and the world puppets your corpse around and calls it a man#never seeing you for the woman you are. just a dead man. until you're alive again#imagine. fucking imagine#anyway i'm also a one fan and afterlife shit also makes me crazy. come see my thoughts#inanimate insanity#hfjone#ii box#ii 18 spoilers#hfjone spoilers
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the brainrot won
#GUY S i know i haven't posted anything in a while and thats because im working on a big cool project that i really want to finish without-#distractions. but uh. as you can see. ive been distracted 😔. still working on it tho!!!! and im very happy with it turns out its just-#super time and energy consuming so ive tried to limit my intake of other media to not make myself want to draw other stuff#i also haven't read the last two (two already?????) chapters of RnS and im very sad about it and i want to read it but you know that if i-#read it ill want to make fanart and then ill never finish my project :(#SO. sorrey for the lack of art itll be coming when im free to draw!!!!!!!#but also. yes ive watched new life because i dont want to go insane with nothing but this project on my mind and umm. had to take a little-#break to do a couple designs for fun... and to switch it up a bit because for real im going insane i think#ALSO. friend got me into zelda botw and i haven't played a whole lot yet (because project) but ive tried to take some inspiration for-#designs from there. at least for joel and scott. everyone else not so much...#WELL ANYWAYS this is getting long. i should really stop rambling in the tags and just make separate posts for all this but i dont want to#umm. tags.#new life smp#smallishbeans#mythical sausage#geminitay#pearlescentmoon#smajor1995#inthelittlewood#my art#sketch
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did you know? ninjago season 6: skybound (bonus drawings under the cut. i feel like im going insane)
#ninjago#potatart#jay walker#cole ninjago#nya ninjago#kai ninjago#THE BOOK DOESNT SAY “BIG TITS”!!!!!! IT DOES NOT I TELL YOU#OT SAYS BIG TIME LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!#I LOVED THE DISSECTION OF JAYS CHARACTER OK I THOUGHT IT WAS INTERESTING#i didnt like the first bit thought. why did they make kai act like that#like for real#also darreth got hit with the huge misogynist beam in the first episode it was so jarring#the nessage behind s6 was good i think? i just wish it didnt step on character arcs to do that#im so normal. im so normal#jay being tormented for two days literally is insane to me#not in a bad way just. oh wow#also i dont like that he did that. but he did#sighs sadly he did do that
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#devil’s minion#iwtv#interview with the vampire#armand#daniel molly#daniel x armand#ah yes the sleep of an infant! tabula rasa! totally normal not at all ominous thing to say to these two men you've severely mindfucked#insane#also as a 90s vampire kid i am constitutionally incapable of hearing the words 'tabula rasa' without immediately jumping to buffy#in the btvs s6 episode 'tabula rasa' willow uses her supercharged psychic witchy powers to make her girlfriend forget they're fighting#she's terrified tara will leave her so she makes her blissfully unaware of their recent relationship turmoil#hmm doesn't sound relevant at all#definitely doesn't sound like anyone we know who preserves any semblance of domestic happiness at the cost of their partners' agency#siri play under your spell/standing reprise#anyway obviously tabula rasa is much broader concept than mind controlling your queer lover in vampire media lmao#but it wouldn't surprise me if it was a nod. i think it's a fun little connection to a work clearly inspired by the vampire chronicles#and it wouldn't be the only show detail referencing works directly inspired by/referencing tvc#see the copy of a book called 'the savage garden' in daniel's ny apartment in episode one#my edits
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read Living With a Tiger by x_los !
#ty jacks pyrzqxyl for betaing my comicmaking#sorry to drop you guys in the middle of the scene but i just really love the dialogue here#i beg you to go read this fic#watched a lot of melts' bingqiu wedding extra storyboard and jo and laurie's proposal scene from the 2019 little women while working on thi#also--it occurred to me while rereading living with a tiger#that bingge and shen qingqiu are the only two characters who have seen the entirety of the other's story (discounting airplane)#shen qingqiu read all of PIDW and bingge watched all of sqq's memories#so even though their actual interactions are limited to that day#sqq has been insane about binghe/bingge this whole time#and bingge has a lifetime to be insane about sqq#it really makes you think#it makes you want to turn into a void of nothingness#cheers to xlos' writing the gift that keeps giving#living with a tiger#svsss#scum villain#bingqiu#binggeqiu#shen qingqiu#sqq#luo binghe#lbh#luo bingge#long post
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working in a factory has you thinking so much about the insane chain of labor & transport that goes into making literally anything
#like first you realize that You are making & doing things that you previously had thought - if you'd thought abt it at all - were automated#& you become incredibly aware of how all the materials you're working with came from somewhere - these plastic clips are from france; this#fabric is from india etc. and that there are people in factories there making those things and that they are also probably getting their#materials from somewhere#one of the little things that makes me think about this the most is we have these 50m rolls of cotton banding we see onto canvas & nets#and in theory it should be all one piece but sometimes it's actually two pieces which you discover when you get far enough in the roll and#find that there's a join where it's been stitched together by hand (!). which is a little annoying bc we can't use that bit so you have#to cut that but out & stitch it together again on the machine which interrupts what you were sewing before & slows you down But it's so#striking to me bc like it's really easy to look at this banding & it's so exactly the same & obviously machine made it's Really easy to#forget that there are people there running these machines. who notice there's a break & have to stop what they're doing & get a needle &#thread and stitch it together. by hand! like someone somewhere has handled exactly where I'm touching it & i don't even know where in the#world they are!#the other place this happens is often on the selvedge edge of the fabric there's writing in pencil i don't know ye meaning of but evidently#was important to the process somewhere & someone wrote that out#idk like it's really easy to watch those videos of really specific machines in factories & convince yourself that everything is automated#but the truth is the vast majority of stuff is not & is made by people doing that. & even when it is there are people running those machine#<- and i'm not saying this in a soppy way tbc. this whole system is a nightmare of exploitation & to some degree I'm just continually amaze#by how insane this whole process is & also how completely un-transparent it is unless you are made to think abt it#another thing is noticeable when you look at our orders that most of what we sell isn't to customers it's to shops who then sell to custome#which then makes you think like. those plastic clips from france are they actually made in france or are we just buying them from france?#are they actually made by underpaid people in a country the name of which is completely lost to the chain of production at this point#anyways none of this is new it's just when you are working in a factory using this stuff you start wondering like.#what's the factory like that the person who stitched this banding together like. what's their day like there#wish we could talk abt how fucked up this all is - for them especially probably - together#thoughts
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Just about finished scum villain, which means I'm letting myself take a look at the fandom. I thought I was prepared for this- "I've already experienced TGCF and MDZS, how much worse could this be?"
You fool.
#Why does everyone want to get sqq pregnant??????#Like I know what this fandom is like I'm not surprised that it's there I'm surprised it's there more than the other two series combined#was mdzs freed of it by wwx making it a known fact he would love to have kids?#was tgcf spared simply because the characters are too badass?#the great mysteries of the universe#also let's be real if it was a choice in-universe they would be like seahorses#lbh gets sqq pregnant and then carries the baby himself#don't ask me how it just is#I think I'm adapting pretty well to this insane fucking fandom#ramblings#mdzs#tgcf#svsss#bingqiu#mxtx
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"He was a defense attorney without peer. It sounds trite, but it's true. Well, he may have had one peer now that I think about it. Your mentor, Mia Fey"
#I find it difficult to communicate exactly what about these two makes me so insane#but just know. I am thinking about the ways they reflect and parallel each other always.#mia fey#gregory edgeworth#ace attorney#ace attorney fanart#I'm not super happy with how the colors turned out but if I don't post it now... I never will
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do you trust her
#dandy's doodles#tpot#the power of two#tpot spoilers#bfdi one#i've been waiting to make this joke since the meetup in june!!#speaking of which - in the humany upload of tpot 11 reactions at the meetup i think i could see myself for a few seconds! crazy#a very fun and insane episode as usual :) i love the team shenanigans and the exitors and whatever one's up to#also i know some people found the noise during the meetup annoying#but i found it so exhilirating doing the theme song and cake at stake with everyone there and screaming at laughing#it made me feel so alive#we all went nuts when one showed up#i'd go into detail about the reactions to the new ii as well but i don't want to spoil until it's officially released!#let's just say... oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god
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some more shippy drawings :33 some polycule stuff n some w/ just abe n confucius bc i haven’t drawn just them yet.,,.
#art#clone high#clone high season two#clone high jfk#clone high confucius#clone high abraham lincoln#clone high abe#topher bus#clone high topher#abe x confucius#IDK WHAT THEIR SHIP NAME IS writhes around#I ALSO STILL DONT KNOW WHAT THE POLYCULE SHIP NAME IS EITHER 😭😭#they all are v important to me……#also the way they’re all trans and autistic….insane….#abe n confucius are also v important on their own i enjoy them a lot#tall people romance…………real..#i feel like the ‘watching shitty horror movie together’ scenario is obligatory for any ship#makes sense bc its always v silly to think abt#i am so normal abt them…..so completely normal……….#ive been informed it is abefucius? that sounds right actually#abefucius
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thinking about touch starved touch sensitive gojo again. Absolutely desperate for even the most grazing touches from getou and yet overwhelmed by it all.
#anyway irl i think i just went on the most awkward coworker not date but a little too sus to just be a casual dinner#what made it sus i think was one the deliberate choice to not invite any other coworkers#and two the fact the conversation had a direct flight to our dating histories#but also im insane maybe this is Normal dinner coworker conversation IDK#IDK ANYTHING ABOUT SOCIAL INTERACTION#HE WAS MAKING AGGRESSIVE EYE CONTACT AND I WAS LIKE BRO CAN U STOP THATS A LITTLE TOO INTIMATE MAYBE WE CAN JUST LIKE STARE AT EACH OTHERS#EARS OR SMTH PLEASE?#me starring at my cat all the time until he comes over or meows#me whenever someone else stares at me: u gotta stop that i have anxiety#anyway i just crave the SOCIAL interaction of ppl who are not clinically online like i am#i wanna speak to ppl who see the sun#in hopes i may glean just a bit of normalcy from them#im gonna go read copious amounts of fanfic
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some doodles
#i meant to put the balor one in the previous post but i forgor 😭its in a diff file from the sketch dump i was coloring in so it just didnt#exist in my mind at all. i felt like smth was missing as i was posting it but i couldnt place what hlep#adeline and eiland have been driving me insane lately. expect more of them. probably.#dont minf the last two guys. some concepts for future farms 😋 (pls mind them im crazy abt all my farmers even if they technically dont -#exist yet. pls ask abt them or smth pls im nroaml i can be nroma l i prommy)#fields of mistria#fom balor#sona#im gonna start tagging that i think.#fom eiland#fom adeline#fom elsie#fom farmer#my art#guys can i just say that im so happy that balor is silver n not gold cus otherwise i would have to confront a part of me im not proud of#we shouldnt talk abt it but like yeah jjust know i like his silver and his whole deal#have such a softspot n bias for characters who dont settle anywhere. who never lay down their roots or whatever. who keep their past secret#like oughh hes hitting so many marks#i like hawthorne a lot. hes more developed in my head. and also i like his dead look and hair bows. i have so many ideas abt him man it hur#i promised myself i wouldnt make a new save file til i reached y2 w rory but apperantly errols bday is cursed bc the game has frozen twice#sorry if you read all of these tags. go to my askbox w fom stuff or smth. ask abt my farmers plsplspls pl s jk haha unless. maybe even#gimme drawing reqs for fom in general. ok tyvm ly sorry for yapping. its what i do best
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One thing that I feel is really interesting and often forgotten about Essek is that fundamentally, his characterization has been from the start based upon his desperation for external perspectives and connection, which, along with much of his narrative and mechanical positioning, means that he actually has an extraordinary and almost (but not actually, as I'll show) counterintuitive capacity for both growth and trust.
(Buckle in. This is a long one.)
In particular, I would argue, knowing now that many places where the plot touches Ludinus have long been marked for connecting back into the current plot, that he was quite possibly built as a prime candidate for radicalization by the Ruby Vanguard. He felt isolated from his culture, he was desperate for other connection, and he was certainly of the type to believe he was too smart to be drawn into such a thing, given his initial belief that he could control the situation and the fallout. If things had gone any other way, he easily could've been on the other side by now.
As such, he has been hallmarked by being fairly open to suggestion, perhaps for this reason, but the thing about that kind of trait is that it is both how people are radicalized and deradicalized. This is certainly true of Essek, who experienced genuine kindness and quite frankly strangeness from the Nein and was able to move from the isolation the Assembly had engendered to meaningful and genuine connection, largely propelled by his own internal reflection. By the time Nein are aware of his crimes, he's already begun to express regret to an extent and, furthermore, doubt in the Assembly, including explicitly drawing a line against Ludinus, even in a position where he was on his own and probably quite vulnerable.
Similarly, when the Nein reach the Vurmas Outpost some weeks later, he has moved from regret for the position he's ended up carrying a heavy remorse. This makes sense! He's fairly introspective, seems used to spending a lot of time in his own head, and was left with plenty to mull over. It's not some kind of retcon for him to have progressed well past where the Nein left him; it just means he's an active participant in the world who has done his own work in the meantime.
This is another interesting aspect to him. I've talked about this a bit before but I cannot find the post so I'll recap here: antagonists in D&D have significantly more agency than allied NPCs. Antagonists are active forces, against which the party is meant to struggle; allies are meant to support the PCs, which means they tend to be more passive in both their actions and their character growth. Essek was both built as an antagonist, in a position that gives him significant agency, and also was then given significant opportunity to grow specifically to act as a narrative mirror for Caleb's arc. Even when he becomes a more traditional D&D ally, he still retains much of that, though he occupies a supporting role.
I believe that this is especially true because of the nature of Caleb's arc, which I've already written on; the tl;dr of this post is that Caleb is both convinced that he is permanently ruined and also desperate to prove that change is possible. Essek is that proof, because he is simply the character in a position to do so. But this also means that his propensity for introspection and openness is accentuated! He has to do the legwork on his own, for the most part, because that's where he is in the meantime.
But he still ends the campaign necessarily constricted; he is under significant scrutiny, he's at risk from the Assembly, and he goes on the run fairly soon after the story ends. He spends most of the final arc anxious and paranoid, which is valid given the crushing reality of his situation. It would be very easy to extrapolate that seven years into this reality, he would be insular, closed off, and suspicious of strangers, even in spite of the lessons he's learned from the Nein and their long term exposure.
So seeing his openness and lightness now is surprising, but at the same time, given this combination of factors in his position in the narrative over time and his defining traits, it's not by any means unreasonable.
But one thing that I found so delightful is how much trust he exhibits, which is obviously a wild thing to say about Essek in particular, given much of what he learns is both earning and offering trust, which was something he says explicitly in 2x124 that he's never really experienced: "I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust." It makes up much of the progression of his relationship with Caleb, and the trust that he is offered by the Nein in walking off the ship is the impetus he needs to grow.
But I think it's easy to talk about trust when it comes to people who have proven themselves to you or to whom you've ingratiated yourself, and that's really the most we can say about Essek by the time he leaves the Blooming Grove. There is this sense in a lot of discussion of trust (not solely in this fandom) that it is only related to either naivete or love, but there's far more to it. Trust at its best is deliberate—cultivating an openness to the world at large is a great way to combat cynicism and beget connection instead. It allows a person to maintain curiosity and be open to experience, but it can be incredibly difficult to hold onto.
It is clear that the Essek we meet now is a very pointedly and intentionally trusting individual. He trusts Caleb and by extension Caleb's trust in Keyleth, as he shows up and picks up a group of strangers from a foreign military encampment and walks in without issue. He trusts the Hells to follow his lead moving through Zadash and to exhibit enough discretion so as to avoid bringing suspicion upon all of them. He trusts that Astrid will respond well to his entrance, but he also trusts himself and the Hells enough to execute a back-up plan in the case that she doesn't. In the end, he even trusts them enough to give them his name and identity.
He doesn't scan as someone who has spent half a dozen years living like a prey animal, afraid of any shadow he runs across in an alley, withdrawn into himself and an insular family, which would've been an easy route for him to take. He scans as someone who has learned the kind of trust borne of learned confidence and a trained eye for good will and kindness, which are crucial weapons one would need for staving off cynicism in his circumstances—as if he has survived thanks more to connection and kindness than paranoia and isolation. (If we want to be saccharine about it, he scans quite poignantly as a member of the Mighty Nein.)
So it is easy to imagine this trust and openness as a natural progression of his initial search for perspectives external to his own cultural knowledge. Though he makes those first connections with the Assembly to try to vindicate his personal hypotheses, he finds in them exposure to the deepest corruption among Exandrian mortals, which could've—and did, for a time—turned him further down that same dark path.
But it's also this same openness to exposure from the wider world that allows the Nein to influence him for the better, and in spite of the challenges he's certainly faced simply surviving over the past seven years, he seems to have held onto this openness enough to move through the world with self-assurance and a willingness to extend the kinds of trust and good will that he has been shown.
(I would be remiss not to mention that I was reminded about my thoughts on this by this lovely post from sky-scribbles and their use in the tags of 'light' to describe Essek's demeanor this episode, which is really such an apt word for it.)
#something something hope is a weapon hope is a discipline hope is a garden to cultivate!!!#HE'S SO GOOD HE IS TRULY EXEMPLAR OF THE WHOLE PHILOSOPHY OF THE NEIN AND I DO NOT THINK THAT'S AN ACCIDENT#truly just like. enormous proponent of letting trust and curiosity into your heart regardless of the horrors.#it's hard and it makes you more vulnerable and sometimes it hurts so so much but it will also save your fucking life!#cr spoilers#critical role#essek thelyss#cr meta#I was gonna apologize for the length but I'm not sorry. I'm also not sorry for being insane about him but he's so special to me.#head in my hands he's so GOOD HE'S BEST BOI! GUIDING LIGHT NORTH STAR!!! LOOK AT HIM!!!#also truly if i had two nickels for a span of time with no essek sightings where I wrote a lot of fic#with deliberate personal acknowledgment that I was writing some pretty maximal arcs for him in terms of character growth#and then end up getting essek for half an episode and having to go OH WE'RE GOING THAT FAR ACTUALLY. FUCKING INCREDIBLE.#yanno. two nickels. but good lord I am thriving that it's happened twice#augh this is ONE of the pieces I need to write this week. we're not gonna talk about it
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moodboard for when you're listening to the track "it's thanks to you" from the hit indie game In Stars and Time 👍
#BUEE. AWU. AUGHGHE...................#had to punch TWO walls to feel masc again.......... this sifloop shit is SERIOUS#tbh even without the sifloop. thinking about loop for longer than 5 seconds makes me want to Kermit Sewer Slide#sifloop#yes i am tagging it. what are you going to fucking do about it? im insane. im insane. im crazeigh..... INSANE..... ASylum.........#isat
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