#//the husbands

[clocks-are-round]

simmons chewed on his thumb nail angrily. “i can be good at romance.”

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i know this is going to be a mess but just bear with me. i don’t want this to collect dust in my notes so i’m posting it as-is at 2-in-the-fuckin-a.m., yup one of those nights i had to get something out of my brain to sleep. i’d love to illustrate it but then i’ll definitely never finish lol

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simmons and grif— at least publicly— very quickly resumed to old habits and donut brought up that it didn’t seem like they were dating. grif responded that it was because simmons sucked at romance stuff. this wasn’t a complaint, merely a statement. an explanation. it’s not like grif did that sort of stuff much in public either but that was irrelevant. simmons looked insulted, offended. grif knew exactly what that scowl meant and wondered whether the next few days would be funny, annoying, or downright pitiful.

-

simmons “casually” scoots to stand closer to grif. he slides an arm around grif’s back and leans… grif is not moving

grif: ?

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someone (donut) has spread that “simmons sucks at romance”. simmons knows because he had this exchange with tucker

tucker: i heard you suck at romance. you should be more like me, i only suck at sex, bow chika— wait, i mean i suck during sex, wait no—

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simmons tries pushing grif into his arm without explanation because it’ll look stupid if he knows what he’s trying to do and simmons can’t do it. he can know after simmons is successfully romantic

grif: dude what are you doing

plan failed simmons says “nothing.” and leaves in that perfect blend of storming and sulking that he does

-

the “simmons sucks at romance” has been parroted around enough that simmons has heard it multiple times a day. simmons hates it. no one actually cares. but sometimes on iris everyone gets bored and simmons feels like he’s in middle school all over again. simmons hadn’t been ragged on in a while so this was sort of inevitable

-

simmons charges into grif, ramming into him

grif: what the hell??

simmons can’t stop the momentum and although for a split second he has an arm behind grif and has attempted to brace his stance— they just fall over together

grif: seriously what are you doing!!

-

simmons doing push-ups: must… prove everyone… wrongggg

grif: *watching his boyfriend exert immense effort not really for grif’s sake even but to prove him wrong. is amused and enjoying the show with popcorn or chips. simmons is getting mildly irritated by the noise but that’s just making it more fun for grif*

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this post was brought to you by me wondering if i could dip my partner romantically and coming to the conclusion that my lack of any core strength and noodle arms could potentially result in us both falling onto the floor. albeit less aggressively than those dumbasses. i know i can explain what i’m doing and ask for help if necessary lol. my dumbassery presents itself differently 😌

[soundlessdragon]

Two days ago my husband said "...and he was pissed" and I said "don't say that around the kids!" so he corrected himself to "and he was liquid angry" and I've been laughing since

[brightlotusmoon]

[danielhowell]

howley and aziraphil are here to save the world

howley and aziraphil are here to save the world

[mamatater]

The spouse is getting curious about tumblr

[mod2amaryllis]

i love being married to a straight guy. this morning we were parallel chilling and i glance at his computer and he's watching a drill fight tournament. as in, guys attaching drills to the same rod and turning them on until one breaks. to find the strongest drill. jose noticed me staring and rolled out of the way so i could see the screen. he knew every drill brand and told me their quality and price. i watched the whole thing without comment. the violence was enchanting. i never would have found this. he's a vector to an entirely alien, often beautiful, world.

[ameba-from-space]

[starlight-bread-blog]

Me: I shouldn't disturb Neil Gaiman. I shouldn't send an ask unless I really have no way of getting the information otherwise. I'll check old interviews and all the articles that vaguely mention the subject. Of course it goes without saying that I'll read though the FAQ in its entirety. Only then, will I send an ask. However, I'd be very polite and praise his work, as anyone would. I'd also keep it short, because I don't want to waste his time. But I'd keep it very very respectful. I'd be sending a message to a very talented, amazing author that deals with god knows how many like me. Or I'd just stay in the dark and not send him an ask. Yeah, I'll do that.

My Dash:

[luxury-nightmare]

Odysseus: Penelope I am not the same person you fell in love with, I have done terrible things to get home. I understand if you can’t accept the monstrous things I have done-

Penelope: cool, could you please move this wedding bed

Odysseus: what, no!

Penelope: that’s my husband

Odysseus: Penelope I have killed so many

Penelope: I don’t give a shit

Odysseus: I sacrificed my crew-

Penelope: And I would’ve done the same

Odysseus: I am covered in the blood of the suitors

Penelope: and you look fantastic

Odysseus: I TORTURED A GOD ON HIS OWN WEAPON

Penelope: and that was incredibly sexy of you

[propussyslayer]

[za1ka]

no idea about the context for this scene cuz I haven't watched s2 yet but I imagine this is exactly what happened :)

based on this Columbo gem:

[rockspider556]

“i never see you at the club” ok well i never see you on ao3 at 2am reading about the same two bitches falling in love for the 1000th time in the 500th way

[sannuiz]

POV : you're about to get served the most bomb food to ever exist possibly

[gay-mooshrooms]

me mentally: these characters have a relationship that cannot be defined by any one thing and reaches throughout the narrative and is so woven into their characters that trying to force it under one label would be inaccurate and doing it a disservice.

me out loud: idk man they're fuckin gay

[nipuni]

Aziraphale and Crowley in Hades style! 😊

A speedpaint video of these will be available at my Patreon on june 1st along with the 10th doctor one!