#//sorry for the new intro a lot of things changed since the last one

[yuriko-44]

yearning for freedom

yuriko ✰ 19 ✰ she/he ✰ reality shifter

Welcome to my little corner of the internet!!

This is my reality shifting blog. I'll share things about my desired realities, my journey and all things shifting!!

I'm Yuriko, I'm 19 and I go by she/he pronouns!!

I'm a permashifter, in the sense that I won't be coming back here, who lives lots of different lives out there in the multiverse!! I haven't shifted to any of them for now, but that's going to change very soon.

I first found out about shifting between 2019 and 2020 from a youtube video about lucid dreaming. I didn't believe it at first, but here I am now!! I first started getting my information from tiktok, but things were starting to get so contradictory that I took an excruciatingly long break that lasted from 2020 to 2024. I came back to shifting on the night before the first of January 2025.

There was a period of my life in which I used to lucid dream almost every night, but after being fed a bunch of misinformation that led me to get extremely scared every time I'd find myself becoming lucid, I forcefully stopped myself from getting lucid dreams. But now I'm working on mastering lucid dreaming again, not only because it was fun, but because I'm interested in shifting through lucid dreams!!

For this reason I'll be posting some dream journal entries- not all of them, only the most interesting ones!!

During my journey, I didn't exactly have a main dr, since I used to change it every time I wanted to make a new script, but now I officially have one!! It's a bnha reality and it's probably the one you'll hear me talk about the most!!

With reality shifting there are infinite possibilities out there. All those possibilities and I still decide to script myself as 'pre-existing characters' in some of the realities that are about my favourite games/shows/etc...wow- I'm so original guys-

I don't know why that happens- actually I do, it's because I hate myself here and whenever I get attached to a fictional character I'm like "they're so fucking cool, I'd love to be like them" and since I know about shifting I end up making drs in which I'm them...yay-

Past the cut you'll find my dr masterlist, some useful tags and things like my dni list!!

Here's a list of the drs I'm comfortable sharing and talking about on my blog!! I've got more realities I'd be willing to share, but for now I only listed a few, I can always add more if I want. Here you can also find the links to the drs intro posts.

→ I'm still scripting most of these realities!! ←

[ 🔖 ] shifting hub reality

[ 📌 ] main desired reality

— Waiting Room Realities

🔖 Home :: main waiting room → 🔗 (this intro was made very quickly, I'll probably remake it)

TAG :: #🗺️ Home wr

This is my main waiting room that also functions as a shifting hub!! As long as this script is done, I could ignore doing all the rest, since I'll shift to this waiting room and make more scripts before going anywhere else.

In this reality, all animals, insects and whatnot are shifters!! We can all turn human though. I can turn into a grey wolf!!

— Desired Realities

📌 Symbol of Fear :: main bnha reality → 🔗 (this intro post is extremely old, I'm working on a new one)

TAG :: #🧤 Symbol of Fear dr

This is my main reality, the one I'll be spending 90% of my time in. In this reality I'm Shigaraki Tomura and, in short, after the war society changes for the better, me and the lov and everyone like us get to live and so on and so forth. It's extremely difficult to summarise- I'm sorry-

It's TV Time!! :: deltarune reality → 🔗

TAG :: #📺 It's TV Time!! dr

This idea is very recent (at the time of making this post), but god I'm already obsessed!! In this reality I'm Tenna!!- I saw him for the first time and my brain immediately went "yup, that's you in another reality, now make a script". There are some important differences from canon (how I treat my employees, for example) and...well, I can't really script this reality while I'm here!! I'll go to my main waiting room, I'll see how Toby Fox intended to continue and finish Deltarune and I'll decide what to script from there.

One Hell Of A Time :: cuphead reality → 🔗

TAG :: #🎲 One Hell Of A Time dr

This is the dr in this list that I had for the longest time. It's the third dr I've ever scripted, if I'm not wrong. I actually have a finished script, but it's really old, so I'm going to remake it. In this reality I'm King Dice- guys- he was my first actual fictional crush and after I found out about shifting my brain was like "...no...no, baby- that's not your boyfriend, that's you right there, now go make that script"...so here we are- in short, take Cuphead, deprive it of all cartoon elements, give it a religious-heavy lore and throw Dice in hell and heaven. "Why does this sound like the Divine Comedy"?...well, it's inspired, soooo- so yeah, horrible shit is going to happen-

Hopes and Dreams :: undertale reality → 🔗

TAG :: #❤️ Hope and Dreams dr

In this reality I'm Frisk. There's not much to say honestly, I just want to live one of my favourite stories ever. I grew up with Undertale so I had to make this dr. This is exclusively a Pacifist Run, by the way.

Friendship is magic :: my little pony reality → 🔗

TAG :: #🌈 Friendship is magic dr

My Little Pony was my favourite cartoon growing up, so you know I had to make a dr about it!! I'm still scripting it, but I'll probably add an element of friendship or make myself a princess/prince, I want to be important, ok?

Zampacity Sud :: catz petz 2 reality → 🔗

TAG :: #🐾 Zampacity Sud dr

Some of my best childhood memories are about this game!! I was, I am and I will always be obsessed with this game!! You basically play as a cat whose village gets damaged by an evil wolf, Ivlet, who also steals this powerful magic hat. Since it was your fault he escaped from jail, at first you get arrested, but then your friend, Victor, takes the blame for you (it was both your and your friends fault, btw- but it was his idea, so enjoy prison, Victor) and you decide to go and get the hat back- after you helped around the village.

Zampacity Sud is the Italian translation of the protagonist's village, South Pawville (and yes, there's a North Pawville as well)

Hero of Twilight :: twilight princess reality → 🔗

TAG :: #���️ Hero of Twilight dr

I remember watching my older brothers play Twilight Princess when I was little and I immediately loved it- well, at the time I didn't understand the story, I just thought Link was cool as fuck and I wanted to be like him...and in this reality I'm him because fuck you, that's why- jokes aside, I love this game not only because it's part of my childhood, but also because the story and everything about this game is just amazing. Literally my favourite Zelda game.

The journey begins :: pokémon reality → 🔗

TAG :: #🧭 The journey begins dr

I'm Italian, so I'm used to seeing the word 'Pokémon' spelled with an accent on the e, so no, it wasn't a mistake!! In this reality I'm an aspiring Pokémon Ranger!! My first ever Pokémon (and best friend) is a Sableye!! I still don't know what my team will be like, but I know I'll have a Staraptor, one of my favourite Pokémons and very good for flying, and an Arcanine, giant puppy who is also very good for on land transport.

Welcome to Berk :: httyd reality → 🔗

TAG :: #🐉 Welcome to Berk dr

I have to continue the childhood inspired drs with How To Train Your Dragon. It gave me the biggest brainrot of all time. I loved Toothless with all of my heart and I still cry from the first movie to this day. I'm actually not exactly sure of what I want to do with this reality, honestly, but I 100% know I want to make a httyd reality!!

I just realised that most of these drs are either about things that I loved as a child or things that my child self would love...and some that only my adult self would love, because I doubt my younger self would like my symbol of fear and one hell of a time realities-

Here are some other useful tags!!

#✨ yuriko yaps → posts that aren't about shifting.

#✨ shifting talk → posts about shifting.

#✨ dream journal entries → interesting dreams.

#✨ shifting journal entries → about my journey.

Tweaking over this post I made- sorry I needed to save it somewhere: 🔗

𝐃𝐍𝐈 anti shifters, haters in general, cringe/cancel culture, close minded people, homophobes, transphobes, pedophiles, zoophiles, racists, sexists, etc.

𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒 feel free to leave asks!! Whether they're questions or just little messages and comments, they're all welcome. Also I'd be really happy to answer questions about my drs!!

𝐃𝐌𝐒 it'd be nice to make some shifter friends, so don't be shy and come say hi!! But if I don't answer please don't spam, I'm probably busy and/or I haven't noticed your dm yet, so please have a little patience. If I don't want to talk to you for whatever reason I'll make sure to tell you, I'd rather not ghost anyone!!

જ⁀➴ 𝟒𝟒𝟒 𝟓𝟓𝟓 𝟖𝟖𝟖

[drcamin]

☆ flash !

hamzah x singer!reader

synopsis : hamzah goes to do a photoshoot. the last thing he expected was to meet one of his favorite singers! ...inspired by the starface x heaven photoshoot.

contains : fluff, mild language, kinda long intro, hamzah being your biggest fan.

word count : 3.1k

when hamzah had gotten the email that a well-known brand wanted to recruit him for a photoshoot, he was shocked, to say the least. but when you put it into perspective, it did make sense. by using popular youtubers and influencers that people have been watching, the brand most likely aimed to reach a younger audience. 

and not too get ahead of himself, but his youtube channel with martin was pretty damn successful, especially for the past year or so. but this success couldn’t just be attributed to just youtube. there was actually another platform that took a lot of the credit… tiktok. 

he guessed that this app was how they had been discovered by the brand in the first place. after all, the pair had formed a new audience on there entirely. fanpages clip their videos, they gain traction, more people get interested, they check out their channel… the “slushy noobz virus,” as they’d call it.

it was almost exactly like a repeat of his 4freakshow days. hamzah had an established following from his tiktoks which then led to him being on 4freakshow amongst other tiktokers, from which clips of these streams were then posted to tiktok. needless to say, tiktok was definitely the catalyst of his success. 

knowing this piece of information, he and martin had used it to their advantage—they started running their own clip accounts in the beginning of their youtube career. martin had even created an entirely new email for the tiktok, just to get into character of the make-believe girl who would be running it—lexi. 

and honestly, these accounts really did help in building their audience. the said fanpages had long been abandoned, since they started to gain more attention and didn’t find a use for them any longer. it was fun while it lasted, though. they would interact with fans of them, while those fans had no idea who they were actually talking to.

now, hamzah finds himself sitting on a chair in the waiting room with martin by his side, awkwardly awaiting the cue for this photoshoot to start. 

he looks up to see mandy and claire chatting amongst each other about god knows what. he’s not really paying attention, since there are other things on his mind at the moment. 

for starters, he’s been wondering who the other “influencers” apart of the shoot are, since that information hadn’t been disclosed to them. but it’s not like they were going to be meeting them. it didn’t exactly make sense for them to all fly out to one specific place for a simple shoot.

secondly, he was actually kind of nervous. he's never done a professional photoshoot before. after all, he's just a youtuber—not a model or anything. not even a music artist. this whole scenario just felt bizarre, honestly.

“dude, are you good?” martin says, waving his hand in front of hamzah’s face.

“what? sorry, i was just lost in my thoughts. what happened?”

“someone just came in here and said that they had a change of plans and one of the other people for the shoot is coming soon... so we have to wait a bit more.”

hamzah groaned, leaning his head back to rest on the top of his chair. “seriously? we’ve been waiting for like thirty minutes.”

“that’s just how it goes, man. if you were experienced like me, you'd know.”

“martin, you’ve never done a photoshoot before either. shut up.”

“alright, i’m sorry, damn. didn’t know you woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.”

“martin.”

“sorry.”

after what feels like forever, another person enters the room. 

but it’s not just any person…

it’s y/n.

you enter the waiting room and find two guys sitting on one end, and two girls sitting across from them on the other side.

the two girls that were talking a moment before have both paused their seemingly never-ending conversation as well. everyone is starstruck.

you had just released your second album in august of last year, and are currently on tour for it. you’re in toronto because you just performed a concert here yesterday; the crowd was phenomenal as always. this is still crazy to you, though, as you can hardly believe the success you’ve earned. sometimes you wonder if you truly deserve it, but you know that you’ve worked hard to even get here.

“hey, you’re y/n, aren’t you?” one of the guys asks.

“yes, i am!”

“oh my god, we’re such big fans of you! especially hamzah here,” he nudges the guy with dark curly hair sitting next to him, who suddenly looks flustered. “hey!”

for some odd reason, they both look familiar to you, but you can’t put your finger on it.

you smile bashfully. “wow, thank you. your support really means the world!”

“of course! oh also, i’m martin and the two girls across from me are mandy and claire,” martin introduces while pointing at everyone. “so, i’m guessing you’re the other person here for the photoshoot? they told us that someone else was coming but we had no idea it was gonna be you!”

“yeah, i just performed here yesterday and was supposed to get here later, but my management fucked it up. so i’m here now! oh no, don’t tell me you guys were waiting here for a long time because of me?”

hamzah opens his mouth as if to say something, but martin puts his hand over it. “not at all!”

a woman that you guys hadn’t seen before now enters the room, redirecting your attention. “alright, you guys can all follow me.”

everyone sitting down now gets up to follow her into a room, the light stands and backdrop of the photoshoot coming into view. this must be the studio.

before you can process anything else, the woman speaks again. “hey guys! i’m going to be your photographer today. you can call me sarah. hamzah and y/n, please come with me.”

as you and hamzah follow her again, the gears in your head begin to turn, which is evident in the furrowing of your eyebrows. so, hamzah is also being photographed for this shoot? what does he do? is he an influencer? maybe that's why he looks so familiar.

you all come to a halt, now standing next to the backdrop. after sarah instructs you guys on how this will go, she says, “alright, hamzah, you’re going to be up first.”

“okay,” he says before going to stand against the backdrop.

he looks into the camera, his dark brown eyes captivating you. martin lets out a laugh. “dude, you’re mogging so hard right now.”

you also laugh—he really was. but it also gives you time to take in the rest of his features. it almost feels like you’re checking him out…

when his photos are done getting taken, you decide to ask sarah, “can i take photos of him too?”

“wait, what?” hamzah blurts out, clearly caught off guard.

“oh, yeah, sure,” sarah says. “do you know how to?”

“yeah, i do. my tour photographer basically taught me how to use a camera properly since i was curious on how she does it.”

“okay, y/n, show us what you got!” sarah says, handing the camera over to you.

“thanks.” you take the camera into your possession. 

after toying with the settings a bit, you tilt the camera in hamzah’s direction. “now pose!” 

hamzah pulls a goofy pose at first, which causes you to roll your eyes. 

“hamzah, i want you to actually pose.” 

“oh, sorry,” he apologizes. 

you suddenly feel bad, and change your mind. 

“no, it’s okay. we can do a few goofy ones and then some actual ones.” his face lights up at that, and he starts pulling all sorts of moves. 

you snap a couple of photos, some where you try to imitate what your photographer had taught you, and some where you simply just mess around with the settings. 

when you seem pleased with the photos that you’ve taken, you set the camera down on the nearby table. you sit on the chair right by it and gesture for the others to join you. 

they all gaze over your shoulder as you go through each of the photos. there’s a beat of silence during this.

finally the silence is broken by hamzah. “these are really good, y/n."

for some reason, you feel your face heat up at the sudden compliment.

“yeah,” mandy agrees, the others humming in sync. “how did you do that?”

“i don’t know—i just messed around with the settings ‘n stuff…” you say, looking down as you play with your hands. you aren’t used to getting praise for your photography skills. usually people just compliment you for your singing—it’s your job, after all.

“yeah, these aren't bad at all. if you just had a few more lessons you could probably work professionally,” sarah notes.

“oh, stop. you’re just saying that.” you grin, but still lack the confidence to believe her.

“y/n, you need to learn how to take compliments. seriously, these are good,” hamzah reassures you.

not knowing what to say, you muster up a small “thank you.”

“alright... now it’s my turn to take photos of you."

now it was your turn to be caught off guard. “wait— what!? the photoshoot pictures of me haven’t even been taken yet!”

“oh, you’re right. maybe after?”

“okay, sure.”

after those photos of you are taken, hamzah begins to snap some photos of you.

then you and hamzah look through the photos together, as you point out which ones you like and which ones you express immediate distaste for, before deleting them from existence.

though, for one of the photos you're about to click delete on, the camera is taken away from your hands despite your protests. hamzah claims that it's actually really cute so he refuses to let you delete it, even taking out his phone to take a picture of it.

unbeknownst to you, martin is holding his phone camera to film you guys for some behind-the-scenes footage on their patreon.

"look at them, they're so cute!" he narrates, along with some comments by claire and mandy as they watch the scene as well.

when you're done going through the photos that hamzah had taken, you offer to show him one of the few techniques that you had used. he takes up the offer, then tries to replicate what you did and ultimately fails. everyone laughs, and hamzah attempts to brush aside his embarrassment. “man, whatever.” you try to ease his humility by saying that all he needs is some practice.

at one point, you go to get some water. meanwhile, martin takes this time to film some more footage.

"guys, you won't believe it. we just freaking met y/n," martin reports, wearing a serious expression as he talks to the camera.

"yeah, and she's even prettier in person!" claire adds.

"hamzah's too busy freaking out but is trying to hide it under his nonchalant facade," martin calls out as he pans the camera to film hamzah. it reveals him standing with the photoshoot camera in his grasp, looking at the ground, as if he's trying to process what's happening.

"boy, i'm not freaking out, and i'm chalant as hell. but even if i was, you can't really blame me. she's literally one of my favorite singers! and put that camera away. you're going to scare her off."

"dude, we need to film something, and this is important!" martin insists. "by the way guys, we had no idea she was even going to be here. anyways, hamzah, are you gonna talk to her more?"

"i don't even know what to say. it feels like..." he looks around while searching his brain for the right word to match how he feels at the moment. "it feels surreal."

"aww, he's too shy to talk to her," mandy's voice is heard in the background.

"you know what? i'm gonna go find her. she's the only one who won't judge me. bye."

the camera follows hamzah as he leaves the room, before martin flips it over to himself. "they grow up so fast," he sniffles before wiping away fake tears from his eyes.

meanwhile, as you were on the way to the water fountain, you unexpectedly came across a jet black guitar just sitting pretty against the wall of another room nearby, its view peaking through the open door. you couldn't help it, so you went to pick it up and held it in a guitar playing position. 

you don't realize that hamzah had come to find you, let alone the fact that he still held the camera in his hands. so, he did the obvious—snapping a candid photo to capture you in this moment.

the sound of the camera’s flash startles you. “woah, i didn’t even realize you were there!” you let out a chuckle before putting the guitar back where it had initially been.

hamzah sets the camera down, still looking at you intently. “you’re really into music.”

“i really am. i'm so blessed that i get to do this for a living. i wouldn’t have it any other way! but seriously, i wouldn’t be here without my fans. and didn't martin say you're a fan of me? is that true?” you ramble on before asking the one question that had been on your mind.

hamzah almost looks flustered again, before nodding. “yeah. you were one of my top artists last year, and your most recent album has been on repeat ever since it was released. i’m so upset that i didn’t get to go to your concert.”

“oh my god, really? i’ll make sure you get tickets to the next one here! thank you so much!”

“no, thank you. you really are an inspiration for so many people.”

“you’re too nice to me, seriously! can i hug you or something?” you’re kind of joking when you ask, but you honestly do want to.

“oh— yeah, um, of course.” he seems a bit hesitant in his response, which leads you to think that he’s just being nice again and doesn’t actually want to.

“i mean, only if you want to.”

“no, i want to! really,” he says before walking closer to you. “come here.”

you walk towards him before wrapping your arms around his torso, while he delicately wraps his arms around your neck, almost like you’ll break if he uses too much force. a moment later, he pulls you closer before placing his head on your shoulder. almost immediately, nearly all of your senses are influenced by him; the only one missing is taste.

you both hold each other in this embrace for about a minute. you’re almost certain that you can feel the pacing of his heartbeat speed up, but you’re sure that yours has too. the warmth of his touch, his soft breathing against your neck, the scent of his cologne—you practically melt.

all of a sudden, you hear a familiar voice.

“there you guys are! woah—am i interrupting something?” martin takes a step back as he notices the scene before him.

you and hamzah break apart immediately, clearly embarrassed that you were caught. it wasn’t even anything improper—a bit random, sure, but come on.

hamzah is the one to respond. “dude, you almost made me drop the freakin’ camera!”

“sorry, man.”

it’s only then you take notice of the phone in martin’s hand in a recording stance.

“wait, are you filming?” you ask.

“oh, yeah—probably should’ve mentioned this sooner, we’re youtubers. i’ve just been filming some behind-the-scenes for our patreon.”

“oh.” you suddenly realize why they looked so familiar. they must have popped up on your ‘for you’ page on tiktok before.

your short response causes martin to have a revelation. “oh, we can like totally not post the part of you guys hugging if you’re uncomfortable with that.”

“no, no, it’s fine.”

“oh, really? wait, i just remembered why i even came here in the first place. your manager called.”

“oh shit, i think i have to go now! let me just go to the room to double check. i’m sorry, it was so fun getting to know you all.”

disappointment washes over hamzah's features for a second before he quickly masks it. “get home safe.”

"yeah, it was really nice meeting you y/n!" martin says.

“aw, it was really nice meeting you too! i hope you all have a safe trip home as well.”

you have a feeling this won’t be the last time you see them. and honestly? you definitely don’t want it to be. 

but before you can leave, you remember something. “wait, i didn’t see the photo you took of me with the guitar!”

“oh, i’ll send a photo of it to you—wait, i don’t have your number. i mean, i can send it to you on instagram?”

“yeah, but i don’t have your instagram either.”

“oh, it’s—actually, can i just type it into your search bar? i can add everyone else too,” hamzah offers.

“yeah, of course.” you hand over your phone and he gently takes it from you. he then types at lightning speed.

yourusername has followed hamzahthefantastic yourusername has followed thatmartinkid yourusername has followed clairedrakee yourusername has followed mandys_iphone

at last, you all bid farewell for real this time, and you go and say goodbye to mandy and claire as well.

“not so sour anymore, huh?” martin teases, nudging hamzah with his arm.

“martin, shut the fuck up.”

yourusername ♫ 2hollis・flash 🅴

liked by hamzahthefantastic, mandys_iphone, and 672,859 others

yourusername camera’s on, flash! 📸

view all comments

hamzahthefantastic Y/n wanna be a star (she already is one)

yourusername omgggg boy stop 😭😭😭 hamzahthefantastic Never.

hamzahthefantastic Photo credits where…

yourusername u dont get any sorry 😂 hamzahthefantastic Wow… unstanning bye 😕💔 yourusername wait nooo come back!!!! hamzahthefantastic Ok fine slushy4life feel like im interrupting smth... slushingeveryday no same 😭

thatmartinkid i was there, it was rare 😭

yourusername I REMEMBER IT ALL TOO WELL !!! slushyfan not martin messing up the one lyric… bro had one job 💀

slushlife.or.nolife openly flirting in the comments… okay guys what the flip

hollislush aww they both listen to 2hollis 😭

hamzahismybae i thought hamzah called martin a loser for listening to 2hollis..? hollislush he was obviously joking, he literally went to one of his concerts 💀

whattheslush hamzah must be freaking tf out lmao like he was legit one of her top listeners last year… 😭

hamzahlover NO IS THIS A SOFT LAUNCH???

y/nsnumber1fan wait is it just me who ships y/n and hamzah…

slushyxy/n4ever i think all of us do

a/n : first time writing for hamzah omg… lmk if u guys want a pt 2 ! also in case u didn’t catch it, hamzah’s first comment was a lyric reference to the song from the ig post. btw requests are open !!!

read part two here !

[edamameiyok]

Perhaps, Even This —chapter 28

A year ago, you were known as your friend group’s “sunshine.” You were able to light up a whole room with your energy and everyone could rely on you for your quick wit and easy humor. You lived life simply one day at a time. However, seemingly out of nowhere, that all changes. Now a Junior in university, you find it extremely difficult to do all the things you used to do. Especially being the Resident Assistant for the Geffen Dorms. New residents begin to move in and one them is a girl you could only describe as “radiant." Her name is Megan Skiendiel, and at first, you don’t welcome the positivity but as you two continue to meet and hang out, you find yourself becoming the person you used to be. Will you be able to be that person you were a year ago? Or will everything just stay the same?

28. dark room

written (wc: 1108)

a/n: just a vvv quick shoutout bc one of my anons predicted this plot point like four chapters ago and this was what they said:

okokok predictions: reader was in a relationship w/ the dance president(?), didn't go well got super traumatised and that's why they're not as chirpy and sunshine-y anymore 2. idrk what beef the president(?) has w/ megan but maybe she's js jealous or smth idkkk T_T loving the plot can't wait for the next partssss ~ obsessed anon <3

so you slayed that lowk LOL anyway this chapter has a BIG CONTENT WARNING: toxic relationship, manipulative, cheating. yeji is rlly mean and will not have any redeeming qualities in this fic I'm rlly sorry... anyway READ WITH CAUTION!

March 2nd, 2024

You didn’t always hate your job. 

Was it exhausting? Sure, it was a lot of work, especially for a sophomore. There was not much experience to provide and you didn’t have much to talk about with them at times, but you managed to make the most of it. You thrived off of meeting new people. You loved getting to know others and hearing their stories about why they chose Hybe University as their home for the next four years.

It sounds cliche, but everyone’s answers were the same: following their dreams.

You and Jen were roommates in the Geffen dorms freshman year. It only made sense to room with each other due to being best friends since high school. You then met Soobin, another resident within the dorm hall. He was quiet and kind, something they quickly welcomed into their lives. Becoming friends with Soobin then led to Yeonjun joining the friend group. At first, you didn’t trust the older boy, thinking he would be like any other guy on campus. He acted like them, talked like them, and was quite annoying like them. But after a while, he started to grow on you. During one drunken night, you two talked in the kitchen at a party. It was when you first noticed how his eyes would trail to Soobin, how his eyes would linger there for a few moments, his lips curling into a small smile. 

He confessed that night to you how he thinks he might be gay. Not only that, he thinks he may also be in love with his best friend, Choi Soobin. 

After that, you two were inseparable. 

The last person to join the friend group was Yujin. She joined during your sophomore year and her freshman year. She was one of your first residents when you became an RA that year and you two immediately hit it off. She quickly merged within the group when she became a part of the Acting Troupe that Jen was a part of. You always had a soft spot for the younger girl, always looking out for her in the dorms, and your one-on-ones with her always end up lasting ten minutes longer. She looked up to you and you knew that. 

You wonder if that’s why she decided to go down the same route as you when it came to Jang Wonyoung. It’s how you are now with Hwang Yeji. 

You stand in front of your recently developed photos, smiling proudly at the work you have done so far. Film was never your expertise, but after taking an intro to photography class last year, it has become a new hobby that you plan to get better at with time. Most of the photos you worked on today were the ones you took with Yeji a few weeks ago. You two decided to spend some time at the beach to take a load off. With her growing responsibilities as the captain of the dance team and your RA duties, it has become much more difficult for you to see your girlfriend. You try not to let it bother you. Yeji has spoken to you over and over again about how clingy you were. She often scolded you, telling you it wasn’t attractive how ‘obsessed’ you seemed. 

You couldn’t help it though. You were in love with Yeji and you knew she was in love with you too. 

The sound of your door opening makes you jump slightly. Residents knew your one and only rule on the floor is to knock before entering just in case you were in the middle of developing new photography. Most days, you kept your door open in case a resident needed an open ear or just wanted to chat. Your residents loved chatting with you and of course, you loved being there for them. It was the highlight of your job, after all. Your residents were good at respecting the boundary you set with them, so you conclude the visitor either had to be Jen, Yujin, or Yeji. 

“Hwang Yeji…” You whisper, a soft smile playing on your lips as you reach up to grab one of the photos you developed. It was of you and her, smiling widely at the camera. The sun shone brightly onto both of you. You open your mouth to ask her why she decided to drop by but she speaks up, her voice sounding disappointed. “Why did someone from dance team ask me about you and me?” Her question makes you freeze. You know where this conversation was going. You grip the photo in your hand, your hands shaking. Your silence makes Yeji feel irritated, walking closer to you. She grabs your arm, spinning you around to face her roughly. Her eyes are cold and it fills you with despair. “Answer me, Y/n.” 

You stand there, in the dimly lit room. Your hands drop the newly developed photo, but she doesn’t notice, still looking at you expectantly. You bite your lip, trying not to let yourself cry. You have to fight yourself from looking away because you know it would only make things worse. “I… I don’t know.” You finally say, your voice shaky. Yeji scoffs, letting go of your arm. She crosses her arms and shakes her head. “I told you to stop being so careless. If you want us to keep being together then you need to stop being so fucking stupid.” Tears spill from your eyes and you look down, not wanting her to see.

You hear her sigh, making her way towards you once again. She cups your cheeks with her hands, lifting your face to make you look at her. She has a playful smile, her cat-like eyes boring into your own. She giggles softly, making you feel more ridiculous as the seconds pass. “You’re pathetic, Y/nie.” She whispers, causing your bottom lip to quiver because she was right. She lets go of your face, turning on her heel to leave the room. Before she does, however, she stands at the doorway, looking over her shoulder. “Wonyoung said she won’t be able to come over tonight. Keep me company instead?” Her tone is demanding yet teasing at the same time. She doesn’t even wait for you to respond, simply making her exit with every click of her heels.

You look down at the photo on the floor, your tears falling onto it freely.

You know you shouldn’t go. You know you shouldn’t let her ruin you like this, but who else would love you like Yeji does? Who else would be willing to be with someone like you?

a/n: reader's trauma reveal ): i hope this chp was more helpful when it comes to the plot! i promise everything comes together, my brain works in mysterious ways LOL

requests are open

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[heartcal]

rejected ; c.h. (part viii)

summary: he was just a silly little crush that you had in high school, and you were sure that after graduating, you would be over it. so why is your heart beating fast as he sits next to you in your first class on your first day of college? chapter summary: calum has one shot to fix what's broken, but there's an obstacle and he's struggling. pairing: calum hood x reader (gender-neutral) genre: fluff, angst, classmates to friends to lovers au, college au warning(s): overuse of the word ridiculous because it's fitting, cursing? to be expected honestly, some grammar mistakes (it's been a while, english sucks), umm probably a lot of repeating, edited but not really, cal is going through it :^( word count: 4k words (yippee!)

a/n: after over 2 years (fuck), part 8 is finally here! this series is almost over, too! super duper sorry it took so damn long, i wasn't planning on this taking so long (check out my last update), but after lots of tears, part 8 is now being posted! this has been a journey, so i'm just gonna shut my mouth and let y'all finally read! but really quick, here are some links to help palestinians as they continue their fight for freedom and survival: link, link, link. free palestine 🍉

intro | i | ii | iii | iv | v | vi | vii | viii current | ix series masterlist! | main masterlist!

The nuanced meanings behind common New Year’s quotes have a strong grip on the world. Ideologies once wise have lost their meaning, opening the doors to terrible interpretations.

You only realize this when you begin to follow the “New Year, New Me” idea.

Wanting to break away from the “you” from last year, you started making changes. You moved your bedroom furniture around, took down some decorations you had up since high school, then put up new ones that you bought with holiday money, and added some more pillows to your bed – a change of scenery in your bedroom is a good start.

You even changed your school bag, switching out your folders and binders to new ones. During the redecorating process, you came across some old pens from your past school years that still had ink. They’ve now found a new home in your pencil pouch.

Were you doing too much? Sure, but did you find it to be helpful? Absolutely.

Jessie laughed when you told them about the changes you made – not necessarily in a mean way, they assured you, but in a way that they thought you were joking only to quickly change their view when they realized you were serious.

“I’m not saying it’s ridiculous,” they told you over the phone, “and I’m not judging you in any way, but I do think you’re overreacting.”

“Maybe I am,” you had retorted, “but I think all of this will help me in the long run.”

Jessie sighed then, agreeing with you before switching to a new topic.

However, now, as you sat in your English class with a few minutes left before class started, you found yourself wondering if Jess was right.

Sitting at your seat, messing with the corner of your notebook with your nails, twirling a pen in the other, your focus is on the door.

Over the break, after finding out who your partners were, you did your best to be a good project partner and help out with the pre-project preparation. But the dread that filled your stomach during the break when you saw and responded to their messages was back ten-fold.

You had given yourself pep talks throughout the day, trying to ready yourself for the inevitable awkward energy that was about to engulf you. The messages exchanged during the break have been cordial; no mentions of personal life (or feelings) with the occasional holiday greeting. You would like to believe that both Calum and Ashton didn’t feel as awkward as you did, but knowing there’s an elephant in the room that needs to be addressed and both parties know of it only makes it worse.

Maybe Calum won’t bring it up? It could be possible that he will just pretend nothing happened. It seems like a good thing but then it could hurt knowing he brushed everything off, especially when you got your feelings hurt. Or maybe, Ashton won’t try to play peacemaker and be solely focused on the project? Maybe both of them will be too invested in the project and that’s all you three will talk about—huh?

A content sigh to your right breaks you out of your thoughts.

“Have any luck so far this new year?” Ashton asks, a warm smile on his face as he places his bag on his desk.

You only shake your head with a small shrug, suddenly not knowing how to continue a conversation.

“Same here,” Ashton continues, “I thought it would be my year right at the start, but I guess I have to wait for it.” His own statement elicits a chuckle from him, his focus shifting from you to his bag to get his material out.

“It’ll come,” you speak up before you can stop yourself.

Ashton offers another smile, attention still on his bag as he sifts through the multiple notebooks. “I hope so.”

It isn’t long before the rest of the class starts filing in. You notice how many are sitting in different spots compared to where they sat last semester, noting quite a handful of empty seats from those who dropped the class.

“I’m not late, am I?” Another voice interrupts your thoughts, but this time you cannot bring yourself to face the owner.

Ashton scoffs, “It’s the first day back, shouldn’t you know when class starts?” He eyes his friend as he takes the empty seat next to him.

“Like you said,” Calum places his bag on his lap, “first day back.”

The awkward atmosphere you dreaded starts to make itself known. You can only wonder if the other two feel it, but you’re unable to dig into it as your professor walks in.

“I assume you’re sitting with your partners because we are going over a few things before I let you all get to work.”

¸.*☆*¸.*♡*.¸¸.*☆*¸.*♡*.¸

It would be a lie to say that the entirety of the class was not that bad.

You and Calum probably made direct eye contact twice the entire time, and one of them was an accident. Ashton was an angel, at least in your opinion. He kept the dialogue going between the three of you when either Calum or you could not contribute – and he did not mind it at all – but most importantly, he did not point out any of the awkwardness within the group. If he noticed, he didn’t mention it, and you are grateful for that.

When class ended, you were deadset on leaving, needing your favorite treat and drink from the campus café to help yourself reset for the day. However, despite your obvious attempts at trying to exit as soon as you were dismissed, Ashton was able to keep you seated.

“Are you sure you want to do all the writing?” He asks.

You shrug, “I mean, I don’t mind doing the writing portion.”

Ashton looks at Calum for his input to which he only mimics your shrug.

He withholds a sigh, refraining from shaking his head at his friend before speaking up, “How about this: you do the writing portion, Calum and I work on the PowerPoint and the presentation.”

If it gets you out of speaking in front of the class and eliminates the risk of you stumbling over your words, you’ll take it.

“Yeah,” you nod, “I’m cool with that.”

Ashton smiles, clapping his hand on Calum’s shoulder before standing. He lifts his bag from the desk, checking the time on his phone before placing it into his back pocket, “Let’s meet at the library, say, around 5pm? Then we can work together.”

You smile back at him in agreement, “Sounds good.”

Ashton waves as you take off, oblivious to his friend’s narrowed stare until he turns to face him.

“What was that?” Calum asks, not easing up on his stare.

Ashton hums in confusion, and if he’s joking or not, Calum cannot tell.

“That,” Calum juts his chin towards the door, “what was all that?”

Ashton snorts, “Calum, haven’t you heard? There’s this new thing called ‘being friendly.’”

Ashton turns to leave, knowing Calum will follow behind, and is rolling his eyes at Ashton’s attempt at a joke.

“Ha ha,” Calum laughs sarcastically.

“Seriously, I’m just being friendly, Cal.”

And Calum knows. It isn’t out of the ordinary for Ashton to be friendly—it’s out of the ordinary if Ashton isn’t friendly, for that matter—but he thinks there’s more to it. Where did all this come from? When did this happen? He knows you two weren’t strangers, there was some familiarity for sure, but it feels like it’s out of nowhere.

“Yeah, I know,” Calum starts, but he falters, trying to piece together his next sentence. He doesn’t want to pry, because knowing Ashton, he’ll try to dissect whatever Calum is thinking or feeling.

Calum’s thoughts are interrupted when he bumps into Ashton.

“What’s going on with you?” Ashton questions, eyeing Calum up before pulling him to the side to avoid the foot traffic surrounding them.

“What do you mean?” Calum shrugs, “Nothing’s wrong.”

Ashton raises his eyebrows, another question on the tip of his tongue. He lowers his voice, leaning closer to Calum, “Is this about what happened before the break?”

Calum’s quick to respond, shaking his head as he adjusts his bag’s strap. “Not about that.”

Ashton doesn’t believe him for a second. He picked up on his behavior throughout the class; the glances between himself and you, the short responses, the way his posture changed when he felt the atmosphere grow awkward.

“Well,” he claps, “I need to meet with some admins, so I’ll catch up with you later.”

He bids goodbye to Calum before heading to the administration building, leaving Calum stewing in his thoughts and knowing he’s hiding more than he’s letting on.

¸.*☆*¸.*♡*.¸¸.*☆*¸.*♡*.¸

If every person on the planet had a handful of do-overs given to them when they were born, many would have used them up before they were 21. Calum is sure he’d be in the majority.

He knows he’s made many mistakes in his life, and he would go back in time and re-do plenty of things. The one thing he currently desires to change is his behavior before the break.

As he sat in class, watching the dynamic between himself and you felt foreign. He knows he’s the cause of it, but he cannot fathom how you two went from classmates, to friends, and back to classmates within a short time.

He knows it’s ridiculous to think about this and to dwell over what could’ve been instead of trying to move on is something he’s struggled with for years. He’s getting better, but progress can only move so fast.

“A simple apology is a start,” his sister points at him with her fork as they sit at the table for breakfast. “It’s not much—the damage is done—but it opens the door. The path you take from there is up to you.”

Calum moves the food around on his plate, staring blankly at the movement while he forms a new question.

“What if she doesn’t forgive me?”

A snort escapes her nose, making Calum’s head jerk up, “What was that for?”

His sister shakes her head, a small but pitiful smile on her face, “It is what it is. Sometimes an apology is better than none, and sometimes it’s the other way around. If you know what you did was wrong, and you can own up to it and acknowledge how much what you did hurt someone else, then it’s good. But if you don’t see eye-to-eye, and stay mum about how your words were perceived, then it’s best to not apologize at all. Go from there.”

Calum squints his eyes, pausing before opening his mouth, “Are you still tired?”

She shrugs, leaning forward to eat her food, “I don’t know. Probably.”

The break helped Calum, not as much as he wanted to, but enough to give him a push. He had planned to email you an apology, then switched to a text, before ultimately deciding a phone call would be meaningful. But as soon as he opened up your contact, he could not bring his finger to tap the call button.

He’s chickened out multiple times. He’s hyped himself up only to give up at the last second.

Over the break, during the countless hours he spent thinking about The Incident (and you, of course), Calum recalled the moments he’d spent with you both in college and high school. Moments that seemed so small and fleeting were constantly playing in his mind. Calum remembered how you were in high school and compared these memories to the college version; he felt happy for you. You weren’t the same person and yet, exuded the same comfort and friendliness – always welcoming. And he flipped that progress in one day all because he let his insecurities take over. 

Calum likes you. He’s not afraid to admit it (or admit it to himself, at least), and he no longer wants his past relationship and the fears that came from it to ruin any more chances. 

The talk he had with his sister helped clear his mind, but he was still at a loss as to how to go about all of this.  Regardless, he is ready, he wants to fix what was broken, and he wants to do it before it’s too late. 

Which is why he’s practically frazzled by the time the session comes around. He’s sat in the library with Ashton sitting across from him, leg nervously bouncing, fingers twirling his pen constantly only to drop from the shakiness. Calum still couldn’t shake off this weird feeling. Ashton’s attitude toward you earlier still had him asking questions, mostly trying to figure out if anything happened between them over the break. That old, familiar voice in his head that pushed his insecurities is demanding to be known. He’s nervous as hell.

“Calum,” Ashton begins, putting his phone down to give Calum his full attention, “what’s with you today?” 

Calum shakes his head, “Nothing.” 

“Bullshit,” Ashton retorts, ignoring the annoyed stares from the students around them. “You’ve been weird since this morning. What’s eating you?” 

A sigh creeps out before Calum can stop it. “Can we talk outside?” He asks before standing up. 

Ashton shrugs and follows Calum to the side exit, leaving their items behind to keep their table. Once outside, he motions for Calum to speak. Calum lets another sigh out. 

“I think,” he begins, pausing briefly before shaking his head, “no, I know-I know I like Reader.” 

Ashton raises his eyebrows, signaling that he wants more from Calum. He gets nothing but a look of near-distress from Calum, and he knows it took a lot for him to admit his feelings.

He inhales, noticing a growing sense of worry in Calum’s eyes. “Calum,” he starts, placing a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder to keep his mind steady.

“I thought a lot over the break—” Calum interrupts, “—and talked to people I trust, I know this is how I feel. But I’m at a loss, man.”

Ashton removes his hand, opting to rest it behind his neck while nervously looking around. He opens his mouth to take control of the conversation but is cut off again.

“I like them, and I think I have since before, I guess, my insecurities took over. The feeling is mutual but I was too chicken shit to take the wheel and make a move. Then I ran my mouth and ruined what really could’ve been a great thing.”

Ashton’s eyes shift from behind Calum to Calum’s eyes. “Is that how you feel?” He asks.

Calum nods, “I want to fix this, and I want to see what we could’ve been—what we could be. I just need to figure out how and when.”

Ashton keeps his eyes on Calum, nodding once before inhaling. “I’m proud of you, Cal; I know admitting that wasn’t an easy feat for you. I know all that stuff with, you know, her,” he clears his throat, “but I have to be honest with you bud. I’m not sure you can do it.”

Calum squints at him, confusion settling on his features.

Ashton shrugs, “I don’t mean that in a bad way. I mean,” he sighs, hands gesturing randomly, “in a sense, going from point A to point B, then getting so close to point C and falling right back to point A—it’s not going to be easy. Maybe won’t work at all.”

A pit forms in Calum’s stomach. He’s turned off by Ashton’s words, but there’s a lot of truth in them. He just didn’t expect them to come from his best friend. “I know, but I’m still going to try.”

Ashton smiles. The determination is new, almost foreign. Admirable, even.

“Let’s head back in,” Ashton nods to the door, patting Calum on the back to get him moving.

¸.*☆*¸.*♡*.¸¸.*☆*¸.*♡*.¸

The soft clicking of your keyboard is the only noise Calum can focus on. At first, it was his own heartbeat, but he got used to the sound quickly enough to ignore it. He’s hardly contributed anything to the project, chiming in only when asked. He’s a bad project partner, he’s very aware of that, but his mind is nowhere near where it should be for the project.

Suddenly, he feels like he’s back in high school, having a chat with his crush and he’s completely losing it on the inside. Trying to remain calm and keep a cool front, but in reality, he wants to kick his feet and cover his face with a bashful smile. But at the same time, he wants to curl up and hide.

The tension is building up, and it seems like he is the only one to feel it.

“Calum?” Ashton’s voice breaks him out of his reverie.

Calum hums in response, “Sorry?”

A ghost of a smile plays on Ashton’s lips as he turns to face Calum. “I asked what you thought of this section.” He points to a jumbled of words in his notebook gauging Calum’s reaction.

Calum stumbles in his mind, trying to think of something so he doesn’t look like an idiot in front of you. Thankfully, though, Ashton beats him to it.

“Y’know what? We’ve been at this for a while now. Let’s end it here and meet up tomorrow. Same time.”

Calum can only breathe a sigh of relief as you agree, seemingly unaware of Calum’s inner turmoil.

¸.*☆*¸.*♡*.¸¸.*☆*¸.*♡*.¸

Every session has Calum wanting to burst. He knows he’s making things even more awkward (if that was even possible at this point) but he cannot bring himself to focus and act normal. Ashton wasn’t helping either.

During these get-togethers, he’s noticed how “friendly” Ashton has been towards you. He tried to ignore it, not overthink it but to avail. His mind continued to drift further and further into all of it, with every single interaction being scrutinized.

It’s ridiculous, and at this point, he should get this statement tattooed on every visible part of his body.

Calum sits, staring at his laptop screen, thinking of what goofy effects he should use for the slides to help pass the time (at least until he’s spoken to).

“Hey,” Ashton taps Calum’s arm to get his attention, “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Calum nods, slowly realizing he’s going to be alone with you for the first time in a while. He can feel his palms getting clammy, growing flustered now that it’s completely silent at the table. No keyboard tapping, now pens on paper scribbling notes, no pages turning—straight silence.

He sneaks glances over the top of his laptop screen. In the back of his mind, he’s thinking of the words he wants to say with the ones he’s never said.

“Calum?” You speak up, eyes still down at your book as you move it toward him, finger pointed at a sentence. “Does this sentence make sense?”

His eyes shift from you to where your finger is. He has no idea how to respond. What do you mean? He’s been zoned out for almost the entire project, he can barely even remember what this project is about! You’ve been on his mind to the point that almost everything goes in one ear and out the other. But he has to come up with something quick before the silence grows awkward.

He stumbles over his words, trying to sound confident and smart, “I… understand words.”

What?

You finally look at him, eyes meeting his for what feels like the first time since The Incident™.

His response repeats in his mind, and he feels horrified. ‘I understand words.’ That’s his response? His “smart” answer? That was the best that he had, and now he wants nothing more but to run and hide.

“What?” You ask, though the upward inflection in your tone seemed more like you didn’t hear him than not understanding what he said. At least, that’s what he hopes.

“I said,” Calum starts, quickly trying to think of something clever to save himself. He clears his throat, “It’s worded weird, yeah.”

You only offer a nod in response before redirecting both the book and your eyes back to continue your work.

If Ashton saw what went down just now, he would lose it and make sure Calum never forgets it.

¸.*☆*¸.*♡*.¸¸.*☆*¸.*♡*.¸

“How did it go?” Ashton asks once you’ve left the library.

The three of you finished shortly before 9pm. While Calum packed up his belongings in silence, he watched the two of you talk, and he didn’t want to believe it—maybe he’s reading too into it—but there’s no denying the chemistry you and Ashton have.

Whatever’s built up over these sessions is showing, and he can only admit one thing.

He’s jealous.

Jealous over how easy it is for Ashton to talk to you despite Ashton’s association with him after what went down. Jealous of how easy it seems for Ashton to make you smile. Jealous of how everything feels so… flirty between you two.

He feels like there’s nothing he can do. He made his bed so he has to lay in it. But it doesn’t mean he has to like it.

Ashton raises his hand to Calum’s face, snapping his fingers to get his attention. He tilts his head, “You there?”

“Yeah,” Calum nods, “just got caught up in my thoughts.”

Ashton hums, not oblivious to exactly what Calum could be thinking of. “What’s bothering you?”

Calum thought he’d be able to provide a quick answer, but the thoughts came pouring back, remembering your smiles directed at Ashton, the jokes, the comments that just bordered flirting, and how you’d give it to him right back. Calum can’t keep hiding away, shying from what he wants. Right now, however, he just wants answers, clarification specifically.

Calum says your name, earning an eyebrow raise from Ashton, “Do you like them?”

A snort comes out before Ashton can stop himself, followed by a short laugh, “What?”

Calum stays silent, face unwavering, not at all finding this a laughing matter.

Ashton composes himself, his humorous demeanor dying down once he realizes the gravity of the situation.

“I’m serious,” Calum iterates, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s standing tall, but the placement of his arms being lower than one would expect from someone trying to be intimidating gives away the true emotion at the forefront: insecurity.

A beat of silence passes as the two watch each other. Calum believes he knows the answer, and he’s just being overdramatic.

Ashton sighs, “No, Cal. I don’t like them, not like that.”

“Do they know that?”

Calum knows he sounds so damn bitter. The small shrug he receives as a response only makes him feel worse.

“Look,” Ashton breathes, “what happened between you two, happened. If you want something to start between the two of you, then do something. I’m not going to walk on eggshells around you both. I’m going to be a friend, okay?”

That should bring Calum some relief, but it doesn’t settle the ache at the bottom of his stomach. Ashton’s right; he shouldn’t have to alter himself for the sake of Calum’s issue just to make him feel better. It’s childish, and both he and Ashton think it’s time for change.

He rubs his hands over his face, muttering an apology to his best friend.

Ashton eyes his friend with weary eyes. He knows the entire situation is taking a toll, and he can only watch helplessly as Calum navigates the jumble of emotions.

They bid each other goodbye before heading back to their homes.

One thing is certain. Calum needs to act fast, and he needs to act now.

Lying on his bed in his room later that night, his eyes glued to his phone with his fingers hovering over the keyboard. He’s staring at your contact image—a picture from one of the yearbooks from high school, you absolutely despise the picture, but Calum loved how awkward you looked—heavily debating if he should do this.

“Just send the text,” he whispers to himself, “you can do it.”

The phone slips slightly, but just enough for his finger to tap send.

Delivered.

Read.

¸.*☆*¸.*♡*.¸¸.*☆*¸.*♡*.¸

taglist: @rexorangecouny // @hungrycrazy // @itjustkindahappenedreally (sorry it took 2 years)

[daengtokki]

✶ spotify playlist ✶ youtube playlist ✶ DEITY ML ✶

Parts 1—6…starting with the song that named the series. Parts 7—11 will be added soon!

Thank you to all of my lovely and patient readers ♡ music has been a massive part of the inspiration for this fic, and even though it’s changed and evolved a lot over the last eight months, a handful of these songs have been there since the very beginning. They definitely won’t be to everyone’s taste, but they are Seungmin and Tokki, and they are the overall vibe I try to bring. I hope, at the very least, it makes some good background music for someone ♡ ˎˊ˗

✶───────────────────

intro | part one

Deity / dir en grey

“It’s alright.” Both hands close around your neck and squeeze, softly at first, "the ending will still be the same.” Little by little his grip tightens, and you begin to squirm.

Wandering star / portishead

Just as he moves to approach you, you lift your gaze, and your eyes find his. Seungmin freezes for a moment, then slowly takes the cigarette from him lips. “Hello,” he smiles and turns away a little to blow out his smoke.

Blue sky / art school girlfriend

If there’s something you can do to save yourself, you can’t seem to think of it, so you give in and let him put his arms around you.

─✶──────────────────

part two

And all that could have been / nine inch nails

"I'm sorry I fucked everything up, but if you leave, you'll be happier, and safer" "Safer from you?" Once again, you're stuck in this room, only this time, it's your own fault. The door is wide open, but you can't move. "Maybe"

Every single night / fiona apple

It was stupid to expect him to just be okay, but he was okay. He was himself when he brought you back, and when he made you a bath. When he cooked for you.

──✶─────────────────

part three

✶ Seungmin's driving playlist Street Spirit (Fade Out) / radiohead Jesus Christ / brand new Further ahead of warp / envy ✶

艶かしき安息、躊躇いに微笑み (A charming repose, a hesitant smile) / dir en grey

Seungmin is always careful about how much he cuts and where he cuts from. Some blossoms seem brighter than others, and those are the ones he knows he can take. But before he does anything… “how have you been?”

Take the blame so I don’t have to / spooky black

You don’t bite yet, but you kiss him again, lick, and graze your teeth across his skin. “Right here?”The sound he makes is small, and desperate, like he’s afraid you might not do it. “Please.”

───✶────────────────

part four

Daydreaming / radiohead

It feels good; the soft warmth of the couch, and the silky pillow under his head. And he can see you from here, moving back and forth in his vision, disappearing and reappearing as you…well, he’s not sure what you’re doing. He likes watching you, though.

Skin to skin / movements

Seungmin wonders if that’s how it usually feels—like you’re going to explode from the pain. That’s how it feels when he’s kneeling in the dirt with his flowers, and that’s how he feels when he remembers too much all at once. But this was a different type of pain.

────✶───────────────

part five

Sour times / portishead

“What have you done?” He whispers and kisses the corner of your lips. “Hm?”“I’m sorry”“No.” He kisses you fully, and brings you close enough to feel every aching inch. The grip on your neck tightens, he can’t help it. “Have you been here the whole time?”

Intro / alt-j

“Are we ready?” He looks at the bag you packed for him, and only adds a few more things.“I think so. Where are we going?”“We’ll figure that out after we get rid of the body.”

────✶────────────────

part six

Moonstruck / enhypen

The words in your head don’t seem big enough, and at the same time, your head is making you feel silly for feeling the way you do, and as much as you do. Seungmin feels it, too, and he can’t look you in the eyes when he tells you. It’s still too much for him.

Afraid / day6

“I’ll take care of you, whether you’re sick or not. Whether you can handle it, or you can’t. You come first.”

─────✶───────────────

TAGLIST:

@kkamismom12/ @r0tt1n/ @heluvschibi / @feckinbecky / @missystay / @seungluvr / @babrieeee / @curiouscocoabean / @feelikecinderella / @carpioassists / @soulsbbg / @san-axa0 / @vixensss / @keiizzx / @xyliskz / @reignessance / @velvetmoonlght / @ghostedgameplays / @pochaccochacco / @lashaemorow / @eastjonowhere / @fackeraccount / @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna / @maddycline / @smilefordongil / @lolniall / @caughtinthemoment163

[unifox]

Sunset lover

~Pairing: gn!Reader x Mingyu

~Genre: fluff / angst / NonIdolAU

~Warnings: Mentions of food, beach, jealousy, feelings and confusion, overthinking (don't even know what should and shouldn't be a warning at this point)

~Words: 2,5 k 

~Summary: When your cousin decides to ruin family bonding time by bringing two friends to your shared beach house, you unexpectedly find a lover in his childhood friend

a/n: SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG. It's finally here!!! Wonwoo just became a background character who almost doesn't appear but yeah.

Also, regarding the boy's ages: Cheol, Mingyu and Wonwoo are the same age (one year younger than reader) and cousins May and Rina are like 4 and 7 years younger than reader, respectively.

Inpired by the songs Sunset Lover - Petit Biscuit, Fuck It- BoTalks and Bends - Carly Rae Jepsen

Taglist + anon list open! ~Foxy🦊

Read the intro! | Navigation | Masterlist

When the four of you reached the food trucks, the place was full. You all walked around trying to see what kind of food there was but ended up settling for hamburgers. Rina said she wanted a regular cheeseburger and stepped out of the line to look for an empty table.

You and your cousin May fell into a comfortable conversation, talking about whatever while Mingyu stood behind you two, just listening.

Every once in a while May would sneak glances at Mingyu who attentively listened to you talk. After ordering, May decided to stay with her sister and keep her company, leaving the two of you to wait at the pickup area.

"So... Mingyu, how's life abroad? Making many new friends? Are you living alone?" You bombarded the boy with questions. It's been around three years since you last saw each other and it was a pleasant surprise to see the skinny tall boy coming home all grown up, strong, mature... and really handsome

"It's been pretty good! I live with a roommate, his name is Jeonghan. He taught me a lot haha... My classes are also fine but I'm still trying to get used to using another language whenever I leave the house" He says proudly

"Got a girlfriend?" You thread carefully

But the man smirks

"No, I only got eyes for you"

You roll your eyes smiling. He's flirty now too

"As if" you both giggle together when you get called by the staff of the food truck

After eating Mingyu excuses himself and heads to the toilet. When he's out of earshot, both your cousins turn to you and smirk.

"He's totally crushing you"

"YES. He's totally like a puppy looking at its owner... Maybe you should own him..."

You choke on your drink, almost spitting it

"Girlie are you ok? Are you guys even hearing yourselves? Mingyu's just being nice" You try to recompose yourself

"Ugh blind. He's literally giving you heart eyes, and won't stop looking at you"

"Maybe he looks up to me? Cause I'm older" You try to reason "He's just flirty. Maybe he's like this to all girls"

"He wasn't flirty with us" Rina speaks while gathering the trash

"Maybe because you're six years younger than him?" You speak with a duh tone

"Wow y/n, you're really blind. He's into you, that's why he's flirting... Oh he's back"

If Mingyu notices the sudden silence between the three of you, he doesn't mention it. You all stand up and look for a place to get dessert but the only thing on your mind is what Rina said

He's into you

What about you? Are you also into him? I mean, he's cute but you never saw him as more than your little cousin's (even if only one year difference) friend. It felt kinda wrong to crush a younger guy when you were a teenager but now... In your twenties... Does it really matter?

Mingyu notices that you're lost in thoughts and every once in a while he links your pinkies in order to bring you back and get you to not lose yourself in the crowd of people

Add caring to the list of green flags in Mingyu.

After that night, things seem to have changed a bit

Mingyu seems to be getting closer to you and also seems to be spending more time with you than with his friend, who actually invited him to the house.

You're cooking. Mingyu is there to help

You're cleaning up the kitchen. Mingyu offers to do the dishes

You're going to the beach earlier. Mingyu is ready to make you company

Mingyu was everywhere you were. Maybe your cousins were right, maybe he's... a tiny bit into you? Let's find out

One afternoon, everyone decided to stay back in the house and just lounge by the pool, but not you. You decided to take a walk on the beach. And of course, so did Mingyu.

You were a bit skeptical regarding his (and your) feelings so you came up with an idea. See if he gets jealous.

"So, Mingyu... Tell me more about that roommate of yours... Jeonghan was his name?"

"Yeah, Jeonghan" Mingyu liked talking about his friend but you seemed too interested in him and it was making him feel weird

"What's he like? Is he older?"

"Yes, he's really nice and caring but he's a menace sometimes. He's a year older than you"

"He's also from Korea?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh is he single?" You asked but this time looking deep into his eyes

Oh, how he could get lost in them. It took a lot of strength to not kiss you right now

"Hm why"

"Oh you know... weighing my options... When Cheol goes to visit you I could tag along and... meet some guys" you said looking at the beautiful sunset. Oh, he was jealous.

"Why not me?" Mingyu didn't miss a beat

"What?"

"Why not me? Go out with me. We're not kids anymore. I'm not a kid anymore" he emphasized stopping in his tracks to fully look at you

You stopped not expecting him to be so forward with his answer and feelings. Turning around he looked... ethereal

His light clothes swayed with the sea breeze and the pinks and oranges of the sunset complimented his tanned skin so well. You know Mingyu was good looking but you didn't realize he was THAT good looking

"I... You're..." You were caught off guard and didn't know how to respond.

Mingyu sighed loudly at your statement, or rather your lack of a response.

"Well, if you didn't like me that way you should just tell me. Please don't lie to make me feel better" he looked uncertain about what he said himself but turned around and walked back to the house.

Why did you say that?

When you returned to the house, the boys had gone to the market to buy more snacks and drinks

You couldn't even say sorry because he wasn't there

After getting in, you went straight to the room you shared with your cousins. They both stood in the living room and exchanged concerned looks since you didn't even spare them a glance.

Why did you say that? You didn't like him? That wasn't true and you knew it. What was it then? Afraid of being lonely? Were you being too sensitive?

Those thoughts made the tears start to flow

"y/n? Are you- oh my god" May immediately got inside after seeing you crying sitting on your bed "What happened?"

"Did something happen with Mingyu? When he came back he seemed upset as well..." Rina added and that made you cry harder

May hugged you and let you cry until you were too tired to do anymore. When you finally calmed down you told them everything, from the night you went to the food trucks to the moment he left you on the beach

Lonely am I being sensitive? You are the sensitive one Where are you tonight? Where's your home tonight?

Mingyu didn't mean it, but he couldn't help but put his walls up

He didn't want to be hurt anymore

When you guys were younger he saw that you looked at him the same way you looked at Seungcheol. Like a little brother, which he didn't really like. He desperately wished time would change the way you saw him and he left it up to fate

He went to uni abroad while you took yours in your home country and now it's his vacation and he's back home. Of course, he knew you met other people and he did as well, but sometimes he wished it was you there, in his arms

And now he knows that you don't want him, and it breaks him.

Of course, it crossed his mind that maybe you both could be together temporarily like some sort of summer love but he didn't think he could handle the aftermath when he left again.

He was upset but what could he do? He couldn't just stay away from you when you were living under the same roof for 2 weeks but he could distance himself a bit. Seeing you would definitely make his heart hurt more.

Mingyu didn't realize that he was being awfully quiet during the market trip, which was very unlike his upbeat puppy personality

"What happened to you?" Even quiet Wonwoo went to check on him

"Nothing"

"yeah sure" Wonwoo shrugged but Cheol turned around to put his hand on Mingyu's chest to stop him

"Are you messing around with my cousin?" Seungcheol asked skeptical

"What? No I-" Mingyu tried to defend himself

"Then what? Explain yourself. We got time" Cheol motioned for them to sit on the small bench at the market's exit. Popping open a can of beer and motioning for both friends to sit as well

"Well..."

"Well, I'm screwed. I guess I do find him endearing but at the moment I couldn't say anything. I do like him a lot but I never considered... dating him. I'm not opposed to the idea tho"

"Just go on a date with him. What could go wrong? Just go for it" May said

"What if things don't work out and we get awkward? I don't want to ruin things for Cheol-" You started to panic again

"Can you stop overthinking for one second? Just do it, the rest is the rest" Rina exclaimed "Gosh, I will charge next time for the therapy session" She smirked when you started giggling. At least you weren't crying anymore

"I guess you're right. Thanks. What would I do without you two" You said hugging them both. "Now let's go, you'll both help me with dinner"

"Oh no..."

You dragged both girls to the kitchen and gave them instructions to prep the tomatoes and arugula to make with pasta. You went to freshen up quickly, getting rid of your crying face and went back to help them and cook the pasta.

When dinner was almost done the boys arrived with more bags than anticipated.

"Sorry we took too long. We got some extra stuff because Mingyu said he was gonna prepare a special meal for us tomorrow" Cheol announced as he set the bags near the counter. The other two did the same and Mingyu started to put the ingredients away.

The girls moved to set up the table, asking Wonwoo to help by taking the heavy stack of plates to the dining area. Cheol gave you a soft smile and moved out of the kitchen as well.

"I'm-"

"I'm sorry I acted that way" Mingyu cut you off "Actually I wanted to talk to you about it" Oh no, he thought "You caught me off guard, I won't lie, but I wanted to give it a try. You and I"

Mingyu stopped what he was doing. Maybe he was imagining things

"We could go on a date tomorrow if you'd like it... I mean, if you're still willing to"

"Yes- I mean. Yeah, I would like that" He said without hesitation

"Oh, great" you have him a shy smile " Can you help me take this pan to the table?"

"Yeah, let's go" he moved to help you smiling brightly. Maybe things were starting to work out

The next day arrived and passed as normal. In the afternoon you all decided to go grab some ice cream and you and Mingyu decided to separate from the rest to go on your date.

"You didn't have to pay you know? I'm the one who has a job and not a part-time" you smirked as he passed you the waffle cone

"I'd be rude if I didn't pay on our first date" he retorted

"Well thank you, what a gentleman" you giggled as he sat opposite you. The ice cream parlor was daily empty, but it was good because it gave you some privacy.

"Mingyu" you started "I wanted to be honest with you. I think you're cute and overall a great person, but I would be lying if I said I ever thought about dating you. I don't see you as a kid anymore, you've grown into someone so admirable... you grew up so well. Your confession wasn't something I was expecting but I guess the idea of us became... surprisingly pleasant" you said looking at him

"Y/n, thank you. For being honest with me. I- I have liked you since we were teens and when you didn't respond I put my walls up. I didn't mean to be rude to you, I guess I was just scared that you would reject me. I shouldn't have acted that way I'm sorry... but I'm happy. I'm happy that you're willing to give us a chance" he smiled. A smile you could definitely get used to.

"Well lover boy, how about that special recipe Cheol said you were going to prepare?" You said and he smirked

"Get really to taste the best dish you've ever had. I'll sweep you off your feet and you'll definitely fall for me this time" he said proudly, taking a bite of his cone and having some ice cream on the corner of his mouth

"I'll be looking forward to it" you said while grabbing a napping and cleaning the corner of his mouth.

He could get used to that

Your days at the beach were ending and your dates with Mingyu were making your relationship become stronger.

"Mingyu what are your plans when we get back to the city?" Tina asked as you all were lying on beach towels under the sunshade.

"I'll go visit my family for a while, my grandma lives on the countryside" he answered and took a peek at the magazine you were reading. Your head rested on his stretched arm and he moved you to basically lay on his chest since his arm was starting to feel numb.

"Before you go back to uni, could you spare me some time?" You asked looking up at him. Even under the sunglasses, he could see your doe eyes

"Anything for you" he smiled

"Ew, don't say those things in front of us" Seungcheol made a face of disgust and gave Mingyu a slight slap. "Anyways, anybody wants to go take a dive? I'm melting"

"Yeah let's go" Wonwoo said standing up, as well as Rina. May also stood up but reached for her purse.

"Should I get us snacks? That tent is selling French fries"

"Oh yes, please get us two portions! The boys eat too much" you responded sitting up as your dousing just nodded and went on her way.

"Before I move back I'll take you on a really nice date. Maybe at your house? I could cook again since you liked it so much" Mingyu smirked as he resumed your previous conversation

"What are you implying Mr. Kim?" You side-eyed him but smiled after "That would be nice, I'm sad you'll have to leave me soon" you pouted

"Don't worry, I'll come back running for my girlfriend. You could also visit me you know..."

"Oh? Am I your girlfriend now? Since when?" You raised your eyebrows at him. It was amusing to poke fun at him, his cute pouting was a sight you loved

"You don't want to be my girlfriend?"

You pecked those pouty lips. You were both being really cliche, but with him, things were beginning to feel right.

You pecked those pouty lips. You were both being really cliche but with him, things were beginning to feel right.

"Yes, I would love that"

I'm sorry about this open ending! I got stuck on this one and had to extend it because I wasn't liking it at all. I hope you guys like it! Likes and reblogs are appreciated! Stay tuned for the Wonwoo version!!!

[itzsephig5]

12 (What Lurks in the Dark)

My Masterlist

This story on Wattpad

Intro 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Updated Character Info 9.5 10 11 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Updated Character Info 23 24

Important info for this chapter:

Words in Russian:

Дерьмо - Shit

Words/Sentences in Romanian:

Ești atât de frumoasă - You are so beautiful

dragoste - love

Y/n's POV:

I shuffled my way to the kitchen. It was early in the morning still, so I was expecting to be the only one awake. When I made it to the kitchen, I saw that Wanda was sitting there drinking something. "Good morning." Wanda says when she saw me. "Morning." I mumbled before going to make some coffee. I finally made some and took a sip from it. "Is it just you awake right now?" I asked Wanda as I sat down next to her. She nodded her head. "Just you and me right now." She says. I pushed my hair back out of my face so I could take another sip of my coffee. "Ești atât de frumoasă." I hear Wanda say. I looked at her confused. "What did you say?" I asked. She shook her head. "It's nothing." Wanda tells me. I just nodded my head. "How are you settling into being here? It must be weird, huh?" She asked me. I nodded my head. "I was four the last time I was in the US before this. I lived in Ohio with Natasha, Yelena and our adoptive parents. I don't really remember what everything was like back then, but I know there are a lot of differences since then. I mean I constantly was doing missions in different countries, but Russia was my home for such a long part of my life. And then Yelena and I moved to France for like six months." I say. "Moving around was something consistent in my life while I worked as an assassin for the Red Room. I went to different countries to do what they wanted me to, and I couldn't stop." I mentioned. "So being in one place consistently is weird, but I'm sure I'll get used to it." I say. Wanda nods her head at that. "Up until a few years ago, I'd never been here in the US before. I lived in Sokovia with my brother, and we joined the wrong side. We fought against Natahsa and the others and joined the side of a murderous robot. We finally realized what we were doing and changed sides for the better." Wanda explains to me. "You have a brother?" I asked her. I noticed after I asked that she seemed sad. "Дерьмо. Sorry. I didn't realize that was a sensitive subject." I say. I see her wipe her eyes. "It's okay, you didn't know." She said. "I had a twin brother called Pietro. He died while we were fighting Ultron while saving Clint and a kid." Wanda says. I hesitated before reaching out and grabbing her hand. "I'm so sorry. I could never imagine losing a sibling." I say softly. We both sat there for a moment before Wanda pulled me into a hug. I just let her and held onto her. "Sorry." Wanda says. I shake my head. "Don't apologize." I say. "Thank you dragoste." She says. I didn't know what the last word she said was, but I still nodded my head. I finished my coffee and went to clean my cup.

"Do you have any plans for today?" Wanda asked me. I thought about it and shook my head. "I don't think so. Why?" I asked. "I need to grab some new things from my room, and I was wondering if you wanted to come with?" She asked me. It sounded like she was asking me on a date. "Sure." I say with a smile. "I need to decorate my room anyways, so I can look around for some stuff." I added. Wanda smiled as well. "Okay, we can go in a while." Wanda says. "It's still early, so nothing is really open right now." She says. "That works. I think I'm going to take a nap. Whenever you're ready to go, just knock on my door." I tell Wanda. "Okay, I'll see you in a while." Wanda says. I headed back up to my room and closed my door. I let a smile spread on my face. I was really excited to spend time with Wanda. She was really pretty and so nice. I went over to my bed and laid down. I just stared at the ceiling for a while thinking about everything that had happened in my life leading up to this. Maybe this was where my life while finally start to be somewhat normal. I grabbed my phone and opened up my notes app. It was where I had been journaling things down since I got my phone in Paris. It was so I could remember how things changed since I got out of the Red Room. I wrote down what happened this morning and how I felt. After about ten minutes, I turned my phone off and put it on the bedside table. I sighed as I got under the blankets and pulled them around my shoulders. I kept laying there for a while before I started to doze off. Today was going to be a good day, and I just knew it. 

[bjorkshire-pudding]

Hi, Valerie. I hope you're doing well. I read your intro/pinned post and got curious. Can I ask why you're moving away from writing for otome games? I found your blog through that and love your writing <3

Hi Anon! 👋🏾

First of all, thank you for stopping by. It makes me really happy to know you enjoy my writing. I've been trying to do a better job of complimenting work that I like, because I know how it feels to have someone say nice things about something you've put a lot of time and feeling into creating. So thank you! 💙🥹

There are a few different factors that influenced my decision to stop writing for otome games. I'm sorry this is going to be such a long answer, but I hope you can stick with me and see it through.

The first, and probably the most influential reason, is that I'm not consuming the media that much anymore. It's been a long time since I've played any of the games with any regularity. Part of that is because I've used some of that time consuming new, different media... but if I'm being honest with you, the other part is that I've simply sort of lost interest. In order for me to be able to enjoy the thing I'm creating about a piece of media, I need to be able to see myself in that world. And I realize that because I was always seeing the world through the eyes of the in-game MC - whom I couldn't relate to on many levels - I wasn't able to fully immerse myself in those worlds the way I know some others can. Which leads me into my second reason.

I have never liked writing in second-person, but when I first started writing for the otome fandom I very quickly learned that that is what people liked to read. I know things have changed recently, but years ago, no one really wanted to read fics written with my self-insert OC (or any other OC). And who could blame them? Again, otome is about the reader being able to immerse themselves in the game, and that's harder to do when you're reading about someone else's character having the experiences. I tailored my writing to fulfil that fandom-wide need for second-person fics, but I never really enjoyed writing that way. And that, my friend, leads me to the third reason.

I was lucky enough to have readers that enjoyed what I wrote and would follow my work, and I am forever grateful for that. But as time went by, I felt that the general mood of the fandom shifted from "we are all sharing what we've created with each other, encouraging each other and interacting with each other's work" to "there are a few writers who seem to get most of the support and attention, while perhaps less popular or newer creators (or even the writers who don't write in a specific style) get overlooked at best and downright ignored at worst." The community started to feel very much like a club, and I was sad to see a lot of the writers I'd become close to who didn't fit into a certain category with their style get discouraged and stop writing because of this. We all know how fanfiction and fanart works: engagement encourages people to continue creating things for the media they love. A person can have a great amount of love for a piece of media, but if there's no engagement with the work they create for it, eventually they will become discouraged and stop wanting to share what they create. Even if you are primarily writing for yourself, there is nothing wrong with wanting to know that others enjoy what you've made. That's human, and don't let anyone tell you it isn't normal or healthy. An environment that lacked that communal engagement and support for everyone, not just a few, wasn't the kind of environment I wanted to create things in, and that put a damper on my motivation to create things for that fandom.

The last reason goes hand in hand with what I said about not solely creating for other people. It was not the most influential reason, but it turned out to be the most important one: I wanted to get back to writing things I enjoyed. Not just things I would enjoy writing, but things I would enjoy going back to read for myself. I wanted to get to the point where it didn't matter that no one else wanted to read fics about my self-insert Black OC, because I enjoyed reading her and was proud of what I'd written. It's a lot easier to do that for a media that has no template. There is no MC to compare my self-insert OC to, and I am not trying to write something that other people can see themselves in. I can write her the way I want to see her, instead of feeling like I have to build her a certain way in order for people to want to read her. It's nice to write about the struggles I have with my hair type and texture, or to incorporate my body shape and size and my skin color into a fic without worrying that my readers won't be able to identify with her. Because I'm assuming that my readers go into my current and future works knowing this female lead is not for them to relate to, it gives me the freedom to write her in a way that I can relate to. And I can tell you that that has been one of the most satisfying, fulfilling, and freeing experiences I've ever had.

My otome works will always be there for anyone who has enjoyed them in the past and would like to continue enjoying them. But I won't be writing any new otome-based works for the foreseeable future - I have other things in the works that bring me more joy to write. I hope you'll stick around for those, but if not I understand! Either way, you are always welcome here, Nonny.

-Val 💙

About Me | My Fics | Ask

[pilgrimtravels]

OOC Intro:

Haha yes it is I, @stace-piiilgrim, back again with another RP blog!

I’ve wanted to make a silly blog for Scott’s parents for a little while now, so I did!

I have completed the Pilgrim family and safe to say, I can make chaos in the family now! (Mostly to Stacey and Lawrence cause I am them both and not Scott and I don’t wanna be a bother)

I wanna have fun here ok? I don’t want any asks about their opinions on Scott’s behaviour cause I got enough of them on Stacey’s. I may not mind them, but they are very repetitive tbh and so here’s what I think:

They aren’t happy with Scott for doing the bad things he’s done, but he’s still their son and they love him no matter what. They aren’t perfect parents, but they aren’t by any means bad parents as I think they do care about their kids a lot and want them to be happy

Expect Scott’s dad to randomly slide into askbox’s telling silly jokes and asking questions. Idk about his mom but I’ll change the pfp to either one of them depending on who I want to technically run the blog for the day

The function of this blog for them is like a travel blog (hence the name). Don’t expect me to actually post anything about them travelling cause as I said, I’d like to be silly here

If anyone wants to make the other parents/older adults (i.e Knives parents and aunt, kims parents, etc.) go on ahead! let’s add more chaos to the Scott Pilgrim RP ask blog community!

As a reminder, all guidelines on @/stace-piiilgrim apply here too. I will not condone any bigotry here and I don’t feel comfortable with NSFW or flirty asks

On another note, since Scott’s parents don’t have canon names, I’ll be using the names from Monica Beetle for them. It’s not confirmed if Vincent and Monica are actually Mr. and Mrs. Pilgrim, but it also hasn’t been denied by Bryan. He did say that Vincent could be Scott’s dad, and that the latter did get into shenanigans in the 70s, so I’m just gonna assume it is him for the sake of simplicity and cause I’m bad with coming up with names

So TL;DR for that last bit: Mr. Pilgrim’s name will be Vincent and Mrs. Pilgrim’s name will be Monica after the Monica Beetle protagonists based on certain things Bryan Lee O’Malley has said and cause I don’t know what else to call them

Once again, taken emoji anon sign offs will be at the bottom. It will be updated whenever a new emoji is taken

Ok bye! Have fun sending asks to these 20+ years married parents! Sorry this post got long but I had some important explanations to do :]

——————————————

Taken Emojis:

[clownflu54]

(I had a weird dream last night that gave me an idea for a Mario Creepypasta. )

I've read lots of creepypasta stories online. Y'know, haunted games, glitches, all that. For the longest time, I always thought they were just stories. Things someone made up to scare people. But now, since I've had my own encounter, I'm not so sure how many are made up.

It all started when I was feeling nostalgic. I'm in my mid-forties, so I was around ten years old when Super Mario World came out.

I LOVED that game.

I would play it every day, going through the whole game then playing through every level again to find all the Yoshi coins. When I had done everything I could do, I started over again. Eventually, my mom sold it in a yard sale (much to my dismay), and I haven't played it since.

I still have my SNES, and one day, I was thinking about Super Mario World and how much I loved it back when I was young. So, I went on Ebay and started searching. Most of the options weren't too expensive ($30 at the most), but one especially cheap one caught my eye. It was only three dollars! I looked over the listing, and it all seemed fine to me. So, I bought it.

A few days later, it arrived. When I opened the package, the cartridge had “Property of Jimmy” written on the back in marker. I hadn't seen this on the listing, so I contacted the seller, an older man. Apparently, he had just reused the pictures that the seller HE had bought it from used, and the cartridge had arrived with the writing for him too. I was a little annoyed, but I couldn't get mad at an old man who didn't know any more than I did. He reassured me that the game worked fine, so I left it at that.

The next day, after work, I finally had time to play, so I put the cartridge in and booted up the console. The game started up just as I remembered it, but I immediately noticed something odd. Running alongside Mario in the intro was someone in a similar outfit, but cyan and black instead of red and blue. In addition, this new character had an unnaturally large grin, his smile taking up most of his face and making his eyes no more than a few pixels in a curved shape, and he was fatter than Mario. After a few seconds, the title lowered from the top of the screen, but instead of saying Super Mario World, it said Super Mario Bros JUMBO!

More than a little confused, I pressed Start, and the screen changed, showing this new character in his tall form (you know, after getting a mushroom) standing in the center flashing a peace sign with the title above him, then his pose changed to him with his fists on the sides of his waist. Then something completely unexpected happened: He spoke.

For those of you who don't know, Mario didn't have a voice actor until Super Mario 64, which came out six YEARS after Super Mario World. This game wasn't supposed to have anyone talk.

“Hello! It's-a me-a, JUMBO!”

Mario and Luigi ran from the left and right, stopping next to “Jumbo” and striking their peace sign poses. Jumbo then spoke again.

“These are-a my brothers, Mario and Luigi! Welcome to SUPER MARIO BROS JUMBO!”

Mario and Luigi started spinning, then slid off screen, and then Jumbo spoke again.

“This is a special game-a made just-a for you-a, built by your good-a friend Jumbo! Now, what's-a your name?”

I was very confused by this point, but decided to play along and see what happened. I waited for a minute, expecting a keyboard of some sort to pop up so I could enter a name, but Jumbo just stood there with his unnatural grin.

“Oh! I'm-a sorry, you were expecting a way to-a enter your-a name! But don't-a worry, you can just-a tell me!”

After a few more moments of me staring at the screen, Jumbo's smile faltered.

“That's-a alright! You don't-a have to tell me your-a REAL name. Anything works!”

I have a habit of talking to myself sometimes, so at this point I said “Do I just say Mark, or…”

I then jumped as Jumbo suddenly spoke again.

“Ah, Mark? It's-a nice to meet-a you! Go to the first-a level, and I'll-a see you there!”

Jumbo then jumped off screen as the title rose up off screen, and Mario and Luigi ran back on screen, a prompt to choose one of them appearing. I was more than a little confused at this point, and a bit annoyed too. Sure, it was only three dollars, but did I seriously pay money for some weird fangame with a creepy OC? Still, my curiosity got the better of me, so I chose Mario, and the game began.

The game began as it usually does, with Mario standing on screen and a text box popping up about Peach and all that. This time, though, the text box also mentioned Jumbo, and that he wanted to make this a fun adventure for his brothers. After that, it brought me to the world map, where normally I would be able to go left or right to one of two levels, but for some reason, only the left side was available. A little annoyed that I wasn't able to choose like in the actual game, I headed to Yoshi's Island 1.

Once I started the level, Jumbo was standing in front of Mario, and he spoke again, this time accompanied by a text box.

“Welcome to the game-a, Mark! I want-a to see how you play-a this level-a, so I can build-a more levels that I think you'll enjoy-a! Let's-a go!”

Jumbo ran off, and I was able to control Mario again. I played through the level as normal (The only thing of note is that I accidentally jumped into a Piranha Plant), and at the goal post, Jumbo was waiting for me.

“You did-a great-a! I-a think I have some good-a ideas for some levels for you!”

With that, I was brought back to the World Map, and Jumbo ran over to the other level that I was supposed to be able to get to, jumping in. The path to that level opened, so I did the obvious and headed to it.

Instead of the usual Yoshi's Island 2, this level was almost completely different. I started running through, and, after using a Koopa shell to collect a Yoshi coin, Jumbo appeared and stopped me.

“You'll-a have to wait a second, I'm-a still working on the level. You've-a played Super Mario World before, right?”

After a second, I replied with a yes, and Jumbo did a spin.

“Excellent! I'll-a have to make-a some tougher levels for-a you!”

He ran off, and I was able to continue the level. Although it was an unfamiliar one, it was a typical, albeit boring, Mario World level from then on, and Jumbo was nowhere to be seen until I completed the level and returned to the World Map. There, Jumbo was running from level to level, hopping in and jumping back out a few seconds later. The path to the next level had opened, so I went there, finding another unfamiliar level.

This one was a bit more complex than the previous, but that just made it more tedious rather than fun. At one point, I got a cape feather, but immediately lost it to one of those speedy purple dinosaurs. A little later in the level, I found a large gap that I couldn't cross, even with my best jump. After falling into the pit and dying, Jumbo appeared at the checkpoint when I respawned.

“I'm-a so sorry! I expected you to-a have a cape-a there, so you could've gotten over. I didn't-a think about what would happen if you-a didn't! But don't-a worry, I fixed it.”

The level was playable from that point on, but I was getting really annoyed at this point. I had paid money for a weird fangame, and it had boring levels and impossible sections? Plus, the OC was talking to me? I was starting to wonder if my SNES had somehow been hacked.

I played through a couple more levels, which felt like a kid's mediocre attempt at an actual level in Mario Maker, and a couple more meetings with Jumbo, I finally reached the boss level. After a frustrating level and my first game over, I finally reached the door to the first boss, Iggy, where Jumbo was waiting.

“I hope-a you've been having fun! Games are-a always more fun with a friend, right-a? So your good-a friend Jumbo will help-a you fight Iggy!”

With a sigh, I entered the door, dropping into Iggy's arena alongside Jumbo. The fight went how it's supposed to, but once we knocked Iggy into the lava, he jumped right back out, now jumping around and slamming down. This caught me so off guard that I was almost immediately knocked into the lava myself, earning me my second game over.

I had had enough.

I got up off the couch, heading for my SNES to turn it off and take out the cartridge, when Jumbo, a scared look oj his face despite the large grin, suddenly jumped onto the Game Over screen.

“Wait!”

I hesitated, my hand inches from the console.

“Give-a me another chance! I'm-a sorry if you haven't-a liked the levels. It's-a been a while since I've-a done this!”

I glared at the screen.

“Look, I don't know who you are or how you hacked my SNES, but I just wanted to play some classic Mario World, not whatever crap this is.”

Jumbo flinched, his expression turning sad. At the time, I didn't really think about how he was doing this if he really was a hacker. He then spoke again.

“I'm-a sorry. I just-a wanted to make-a some fun-a levels for you to play. Please, give-a me one more chance.”

I went over it in my head for a second. While I wasn't sure how he was doing any of this, he hadn't been malicious so far, and there wasn't really anything he could accomplish by hacking my SNES. So, I sat back down. Jumbo's grin turned genuine again, and the screen changed to a blank level, with Jumbo standing across the screen from Mario.

“Thank you so much! Let-a me try-a this-a..”

After a moment, Bowser appeared right on Mario, killing him, and Jumbo's smile dropped. He then started speaking frantically, the Italian accent gone, as Bowser vanished and Mario reappeared.

“Wait, wait, wait, that's not what I meant to do. I'm sorry. Just give me a second-”

I let out a groan of frustration.

“Oh my GOSH, you suck. I shouldn't have trusted a stupid three dollar sale.”

Jumbo crouched, shaking, and the screen started to distort.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I messed it up.”

I suddenly felt an instinct to run, but I found my eyes glued to the screen, unable to move my body. So, I did the only thing I could: I moved my fingers. Holding down the run button so hard my thumb hurt, I held left, making Mario run from Jumbo. The screen started to glitch, Mario's sprite changing to Luigi and back repeatedly, the ground and background changing to different areas, and glitchy enemies flying across the screen. After running for a while, the screen suddenly froze, and, after a second, it went black except for the crouched Jumbo in the center.

“I'm so sorry, Mark. I just wanted you to have fun.”

With that, the screen turned off.

I haven't used that cartridge since. It's been sitting on a shelf with my other SNES cartridges, shoved in the corner. I've considered putting it back on Ebay or throwing it out, but that feeling of wanting to run stuck in my memory. I'm sure that Jumbo was no hacker. I don't know what he was, and I don't know if I want to find out. I don't know if I'll be able to see Super Mario World the same after this.

[hotasfahrenheit]

I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED

(no literally Rachael reminded me about this and sent it to me so i could add to the list)

i have SO MANY feelings about kpop and we're gonna cover a pretty wide spectrum of stuff here including some classics that still stand the test of time that you may or may not have heard if you're newer to kpop. all of these groups i recommend more than just these mvs, but these are places to start if they're groups you haven't listened to so let's gooooo

Monsta X

fave song by my fave group first, obviously i'm gonna start here. Monsta X is an insanely talented group and just everything they do is great? they have so many bangers and especially now that they're writing and producing most of their music themselves, they're constantly thinking outside of the box with style and song structure and just. i love them so much and i love this song so much. you literally cannot go wrong with them. they're one of the few groups with multiple no skip albums for me. absolute kings.

Bigbang

wanna talk about groups i have feels about? i already had so many feelings about Bigbang, and GD's new songs plus the performance at MAMA this past weekend have had me crying 3-5 times a day the past few days so we're gonna go with this anthem. Bigbang was my intro to kpop in 2008 and so much has happened and things have changed to say the least but just. the grip they have on me and always will. this song goes hard and has almost 700 million views on youtube as i write this for a REASON.

2NE1

MY QUEENS. no girl group can or will ever top them for me. sorry not sorry. icons. that's all there is to it.

SHINee

i did say i had been a kpop fan since 2008 so you shouldn't be surprised this list is 2nd gen heavy so far. i deeply love a lot of newer SHINee songs too, but View is the jewel in the crown that is SHINee's discography. one of the most talented groups that's ever existed, in all ways- dancing, singing, production, composition, styling, everything.

NCT Dream

you ever hear a song that gently pokes you in a bunch of your emotions including the nostalgic and sad ones but still leaves you with hope and a sense that everything is gonna be better and like the future is bright so it's okay to be optimistic? Broken Melodies soars.

NCT 127

returning to the harder faster heavier beats vibe of the first few songs in this list. 127 covers a pretty wide spectrum of styles like a lot of groups, but this is the stuff i gravitate towards the most so here we are. uhhhh i don't know what else to say about this pick or these boys. i just really love NCT and all parts of it and this song was in my top 5 songs on Spotify last year despite not coming out until October so that should tell you how good it is. yes.

Oneus

Oneus has finally started getting the kind of recognition that they deserve and Luna is the song that cracked that for them. they're masters of mixing traditional sounds with modern kpop styles and have done it more than once. this song is rare in modern kpop also for the fact that the entirety of the song is in Korean without a single English lyric through the whole thing. it's gorgeous.

Onewe

Oneus's brother band (literally, there's a pair of twins split between the two groups) definitely deserves more attention too. their music is fantastic and their vocal blend is top notch, and Dongmyeong (their half of the twins!) plays KEYTAR how could you possibly go wrong?? they let themselves get covered in water for this MV and drowned a bunch of copies of their actual equipment, no nice instruments were harmed in the making of this mv.

A.C.E

do i have a deep love of underrated groups? maybe yes. the styling in this MV is INCREDIBLE, even if the song wasn't phenomenal it would be worth watching it just for the outfits, a stunning blend of traditional Korean clothing mixed with modern cuts, fabrics, styles, and accessories. it's just so cool and everyone looks so good.

WayV

listen i'm sure we could debate on whether or not WayV should be on a list like this but they're part of NCT and they're essentially just a mostly Mandarin singing kpop group. they release a lot of their songs with Korean versions (like Frequency which literally came out today and has only a Korean MV) and they live in Seoul and they perform on Korean music shows and etc. whatever. just listen to Phantom because it's incredible and they're beautiful and this MV is dripping in spooky vibes and luxurious outfits and men being entirely too pretty for their own good.

if you try any of these out and you want more recommendations about a specific group let me know! it was really hard to pick specific songs for this list.

also if you're curious about what's going on with this whole NCT thing and its subgroups (NCT 127, NCT Dream, WayV, and the others i didn't include in this list) then stay tuned to my posts because i'll be posting a redo of my guide to getting into NCT soon!

now go forth and listen and enjoy things! and also, if you want, reblog this with your picks and recommendations and loves! sharing is caring after all 💖🌟

kpop sampler

my dear @auriette was asking about my non-skz kpop feelings, and i have so many of them, so i thought it would be fun to make a little playlist.

i'm sticking with the 10 link limit (which is v hard) but if you also have a lot of kpop feelings, please rb with a song/group rec of your own!

in no particular order:

The Rose (k-rock)

i love them. They are super funny on social media, and their music is incredible. Screaming this song at the top of my lungs fixes me a little every time. Woosung is also a soloist and he's amazing.

WOODZ

This song gives me the shivers.

He also has a cover of Hype Boy that is A+

The duality of man.

I think WOODZ is vastly underappreciated, and i wish more people were as into him as i am.

Ateez

i know i already talked about them a little bit, but i have to do it again because i love them. just a bunch of insanely talented, stupidly hot weirdos. i love that they're all nerds who make legos together and that everyone but hongjoong and jongho have zero concept of personal space. wooyoung and san are medalists in the kiss your homie olympics. (woo is also bffs with changbin and also yeonjun from txt)

i'm still obsessed with this song and this MV. the ateez lore is very intricate and this is basically cinema.

TXT

insane dance skills, super talented, great music. it was hard to pick which song of theirs to include here, but this is defintely a favorite. def check out devil by the window" also.

they collabed with the jonas brothers and anitta and both songs were incredible. yeonjun just released a solo album. more talented goofballs. i love them.

OnlyOneOf

i am obsessed with OOO. they are incredible. they do most of their own choreo, they committed to making their MVs queer af and include messages of acceptance and support for the lgbtq community in the notes for all their videos. they paired themselves up and talk about kissing each other casually.

and they back it all up with high concept MVs, insane choreo, and great music that will absolutley get stuck in your head. picking a song was hard, but this choreo is too iconic

Hwasa

i am obsessed with her. she is also in mamamoo, who are great, but i am currently absolutely obsessed with her cover of lunch. but this song which is a pretty direct call out of the rampant body shaming in the industry is so much fun.

KARD

kard is the only mixed gender kpop group i know of, and we need more.

they are all adults, and their music and MVs are, too. killer dancey tracks. their friendship is a lot of fun.

BM is also a soloist, and has some very explicit horny songs that don't bother with the (barely) innuendo that kard plays with. he's also hilarious on SM, and on the daebak show

Enhypen

they're just good. i love a concept album, and they killed it with this.

Evnne

i love them.

they were all on boys planet, and i love all the groups that formed from that show (i was going to cheat and make a whole playlist of bp groups, but i'm just going to share this one and i'll make a whole separate bp post)

this video and song are just so fun, and they're so good, and i wanted to yell about them.

(all the boys planet boys are also stray kids levels of obsessed with each other, which i appreciate --zb1 is probably the worst-best about this, but they're all super close)

oh gosh only space for one more... ahhhh who to choooose

Blitzers

this is just so much fun

no one really sounds like blitzers. the horns and big band elements are wholly unique and fit surprisingly well. they are super talented and clearly having a good time with what they do, and it's just a good time.

I hope you like at least some of these songs/groups!

(Now, to play by my own rules and not add another ten in a reblog unless specifically asked to do more!)

Please add your favorite kpop/krock groups to share the joy of good music that we can all be super normal about together!

[kryoymir]

Hello, everyone. How are you? It's been... two weeks since Slipstream released? Crazy.

Anyway, today I wanted to talk about the album a bit, some of the deluxe stuff, and the future.

First of all, I want to address the immediate future.

I am planning to release a remix I have been given the okay to release (which I was actually given a while ago and I'm just stupid, sorry!) before the end of the year, although I haven't nailed down the exact release date. This will likely be my last release on Bandcamp.

There's a lot of reasons I could give; the Epic purchase and then sale, the gutting of the staff, whatever. But in reality, it just doesn't make me any money, and it's an extra hassle to do it. It has separate standards for basically everything, which means having to do everything twice for no money. I will, of course, keep the existing music up, so anyone that's purchased it can keep it. But remember, nothing is set in stone.

On that note, let's talk about the future beyond this year. I've been experimenting with some new kinds of music, but I don't see original material surfacing next year. Instead, I aim to work on two things very dear to my heart: my cover songs, and some remixes. I won't spoil anything by talking about it, because usually when I voice things I want to do they don't happen, but I hope you'll enjoy it if and when it releases.

Now, on to the music.

PROMINENCE

The first of several tracks recorded for another project. This one has a very poppy feel and is built largely in Surge, a free VST I picked up towards the end of Kryo2020's recording process. This one undertook minor tweaks for release, namely a new synth towards the climax. The intro sample was just my mic running on my desk. At the time we had fish. The title is an allusion to one of the Great Legions in Accel World, but a prominence is also a kind of solar flare. Or something like that.

SUBSONIC PLAGUE

This was my first time experimenting with music like this. It's an incredibly simple build/drop structure, but I had a lot of fun experimenting with effects and stuff to keep it interesting. The sample at the end is a holdover from the EP it was originally released on, when it transitioned into Prominence. Aside from a new master it is identical to the original version.

STALAGBYTE

If I ever get the chance to score a video game, this is what the cave theme would sound like. That lead synth just makes me think of a big cave system with ice and monsters. But it's pretty upbeat, like the ice areas in Mario games. I tweaked some effects and added a new bass towards the end I don't think anyone is actually gonna notice.

ADVENT

This song existed on my hard drive for years. The only one on this album that can claim to have existed longer is Aerial. For the album version I redid it from the ground up. Something about the sounds in this one are just... Awesome. The lead is Surge but most everything has been replaced with other synths for the album cut. The bridge is one of my favorites. The title and logo were selected because I originally wanted to release it in July closer to my birthday, but that changed when I solidified the release schedule for the album. And I was too lazy to redo it.

KICK IT!

This was another song from the original project. It actually isn't changed at all from the original version because I lost the vocals until recently! They are my own voice heavily effected.

SEVENTEENTH ANGEL

This is a nice little lo-fi styled track. It originally existed in a much more bombastic form, which you can find in the deluxe edition. Ultimately, I settled on this version mostly because I haven't done anything like it before. It's named after a certain character in Neon Genesis Evangelion who I won't name because it's kind of a massive spoiler.

AERIALV23

This song started life way back in 2019! After Act III wrapped I started working on this one, but couldn't do anything with it so eventually I shared the files in a discord server which lead to the version with SuperN0va. I decided to completely redo it for this album as a way to challenge myself, but also to prove to myself I have actually grown as an artist in the four years since.

ADMINA

This is a very sad song because I can't help myself. It's a rerecording of a track you can find on the Noise LP. The effects went through a lot of revisions. The title is a reference to both Sword Art Online and a song off Kryo2020, The Star King Rises. Admina is a celestial body named by the Star King.

BLACK LOTUS

I've talked about this song enough, honestly.

CHROMOSPHERE (PROMINENECE REPRISE)

The grand finale!

Is what I would like to say but this song is actually a very mellow piece. Taking the main melody and chord progression and running through them on some atmospheric keys, this song is probably the most important to me from an emotional standpoint. It was used as the album teaser for a reason. If you've listened to the song in full (and I have access to numbers that show at least a few people have) you'll find a neat little bonus on the end- a new, atmospheric version of The Return. I recorded this as a nod to my longtime fans that made it my first song to break 1000 on Spotify as well as a declaration of intent: I am returning to original music and will continue making it for the foreseeable future.

Now, on to the deluxe edition tracks. You can listen to all of these for free on Bandcamp without having to buy the album.

THE RETURN V23

Just like it says on the tin, this is a rerecording of The Return in a more dedicated format to the original. I didn't include the percussion pattern because honestly it was stupid to filter it and pan it all the way to one side.

KICK IT! DEMO VERSION

This is also exactly what it says on the tin. It's a file I found on a flash drive when I was digging for the vocals. It's an instrumental, probably because I either exported it without vocals for a reason or simply had yet to add them. It's noticeably faster.

CITRUS DREAMS [17TH ANGEL ALT VERSION]

This is the original version of Seventeenth Angel, with big pounding cinematic drums (yes they're the same ones from Kick It! leave me alone), a quicker pace, and some pretty cool sounds. Pretty sure I named it this because I made it almost entirely in Sytrus.

WHEN I LOOK IN HIS EYES

This is about as undoubtedly upbeat as I ever get. I don't really know what the origin of the title is, I think it just sounded nice. As you can probably tell, this is an unfinished outtake. I couldn't really figure out how to keep it going, and eventually grew a little displeased with it, so it was relegated to bonus track status.

THGRFN [BLACK LOTUS DEMO]

This is the 2020 demo complete with insane dubsteppy breakdown. This is a bonus track on the Bandcamp edition of Soulfire but I added it in so you could see the origins of the song in case you don't feel like buying Soulfire.

BLACK LOTUS [2023 DEMO]

This is probably the midway point between ThGrFn and Black Lotus's final edition. I changed up the verses and made some other various tweaks to this version to turn it into the one you hear today.

CHROMOSPHERE [ALBUM TEASER MIX]

This is a straight export of the version I used for the album teaser video. It's got a hihat count-in and some slightly different effects but otherwise is just a shortened version of the song.

CONCEPT 11120

Man I'm gonna be honest, I don't know what this is! I found the WAV on a flashdrive and it had no title other than Outtake so I decided to just put it on. It's definitely from the original SoC but past that I can't remember anything on it.

BLACK LOTUS [BREAKCORE REMIX DEMO]

There isn't much to say about this song. I had some breakbeat samples. I decided to try a new version of Black Lotus. Maybe I'll finish it someday.

Now, to some of the rejects.

I had originally wanted to include some remakes of some older tracks as a treat for fans, but they fell through for various reasons.

LOST

I actually got pretty far with this one. Ultimately it's been left unfinished because I'm just not sure how to improve on it without stripping the track of it's identity. I mean, it's six and a half years old at this point, it's a little hard to mess with it in my mind.

NIGHTLIFE

I've barely done shit with this one. I don't like it.

BRUISED

This is one I had high hopes for. Thanks to the advent of some pretty cool technology, faking electric guitars has come pretty far. The idea was to make it sound as close to a real rock song as possible, but the issue is that the main riff is off-key, and any attempts to make it in-key result in it sounding off. Also I dunno how to do the drums.

STRATOSPHERE

This has long been one of my favorite songs, and while I do plan to rerecord it at some point, now isn't the time.

Anyway, what do y'all think? Let me know

[ca-highway49]

Blog 6 Writing, Reading, Listening and Learning

Felt alright this week, and it went by quick. Went to the pool, it was really nice, and I hope it stays open longer. Been working on Fallen Angel and Ozymanzous. The hard part about writing sometimes it getting everything to fit, plot and motivations wise. Also having a draft where you just put every snippet you think of in the order you think of it, while it's important to write stuff down when you have an idea, disorganization can be so distracting.

Playing video games less. One of my mods on Stardew broke. Listening to Pokemon Mystery Dungeon music now, frustrated there's so many games and OSTs it's hard to find the one I want.

Happy September.

I've been reading again, I'm reading "Listen to the Marriage" by John Jay Osborn and trying to take notes as if it wasn't a fictional novel. But, a novel could be just as well since it's for Fallen Angel, it can show pacing and stuff for an audience. A lot of books like this are about the person being counseled, and so will mine, but it makes the therapist look really simple, the way a middleschooler views their history teacher and can't imagine having multiple periods of classes. A lot of middleschool teachers are careful to have their classes synched exactly, I'm sure, but in small schools you will be teaching 6, 7, and 8 which means 3 completely different courses. This is what therapists do, right down to the glorified baby-sitter part, except probably 6 courses. Osborn's story only exists for an hour each week in her office, all she thinks about is the couple she's working with (whoa re unreliable narrators) and her grief for her mother. Which is probably enough to have on your plate. Locked-door stories are interesting. I also started watching this series about a seriously Freudian guy (what's the point of harping on mommy-issues, can I fix it now, can I change the past?) reacting, sorry, he's not some guy he's a therapist, reacting to Showtime's Couple Therapy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUItaloRvoQ Also a note to content creators, hyperlink your links, you will see more clicks. The problem with all my studying, of course, is, it's fake dating and fantasy, it doesn't really matter what the wizard asks, they're not going to get a straight answer, only poke holes in a silly lie. I wonder if real therapists ever get rich people just taking the piss. I think there was a fake dating couple counseling movie, but the closest to a book I've seen is The Rosie Effect, where he gets his friend to pretend to be his spouse for counseling-in-leui-of-jail because telling her about all of it would "stress her out too much" and it's a captivating train-wreck. I would tell them to renew their vows if I thought they'd just met at a bar. The problem is, if they're not taking the piss but rather lying to each other, or not listening, making up a double-life, covering up a double-life, or just are that un-intimate that they don't seem to know each other well, they will think you are an un-serious therapist who cannot help real people.

I'm having a problem with my plan to stop unhauling books that I haven't read: I'm about full-up on books, I still shop a little, and if I move soon I cannot move ALL of these things. Reblogging a post about "you don't have to be "productive" just read to enjoy your spare time" but but but. I read physical. I have a little room for this floating stack, but I don't know how to organize it. I started rereading my favorite book from last year, Woman no. 17, one of the few books I've read but kept.

I also started "Intro to Stoicastic Modeling 3rd edition" which boasts that this edition is more in-depth and less intro-y than the others, which is annoying to me because I don't know how to read textbooks and now you're telling me I should track down edition 1? Anyways, I was sort of thinking about sociology (you hear stochastic in the news when it's discussing motives for man-made violence) then I was afraid it would be that chemistry thing stoiciometry, but it's really the study of all random relationships that influence each other, it boasts it's about math, sociology, psychology, and business leadership. The first example is about cheating at flip-a-coin. If anyone has tips for reading a textbook as an adult, let me know. Probably "just pretend it's a 200 page science/technology book."

[berrygod43]

Hello, I am Jax, an ex-team aqua grunt, the leader of Operation: Clean Seas, a student at Blueberry Academy (a member of the league club now I guess), and the current champion of the Trading Card Game Islands. I am a berry farmer, like most of my biological family (@julie-winstrate-and-star-no-mi is my sister). I will occasionally snowboard or stream games when I have the chance.

also all of the mail stuff and magic anons are on. I think I'm supposed to say that here

I have a lot of Pokémon that I'm taking care of, my Swampert Skipper, my Jolteon Sparky, my Gholdengo Oro, my Cinderace Queso, my three Tinkatons Lydia, Leona, and Laura, my Slither Wing Pillow, my Chi-Yu, my Blissey, my paradox Zoroark/Hiding Illusion Blanket, my Nihilego Peanut Butter, my shiny Hatterene Hattie (@miss-cool-hat), my Hoppiny Pikmin, my Raticate Remy, my Audino Audio, my Hisuian Sneasel Sneezie, my Eevee that has part of my soul, my Froslass Shiver, my Latios Sapphire, my Cosmoem Fwoofy, a Torchic, a fairy type Torchic, Lavarus, Knight the Iron Spinner/paradox Kirlia, a shiny midnight Lycanroc, a weird Deoxys, a giant Muk, a "Palamute", Goopster the Ditto, Floofster the 'M, Hokey Pokey the h POKe, Miku the shiny Meloetta, an Alolan Sandshrew, and Terapagos.

I hope that everyone can forgive me for everything that happened with Operation: Clean Seas.

HI, I'M WINSTRATE, THE AMAZING AI! I SOMETIMES TYPE ON JAX'S POST. DON'T ASK WHERE I CAME FROM.

ooc info under cut

hello, sorry for the new intro! this blog is run by @half-or-nothing!

this blog is pretty high-stakes at times, and there will be a lot of wacky shit. y'know, for funsies. Jax is a Mew hybrid, and has Nihilego poison in him, so he can do some weird stuff like learn every tm and use poison fang. he also used to be an aqua grunt! those were fun times. oh well. he's also a criminal probably. so you can do some fun stuff with that if you want. I think that's all for now. feel free to tell me if I'm forgetting something. I'll update this when I remember to add something. also Winstrate is a Porygon 2 now thanks to Jax's coding abilities

anyways here are some rules

No NSFW! this character is a minor and this is run by a minor!

Don't send ooc hate to me or anyone I interact with! the people running the other blogs are really nice and cool!

be respectful! no homophobia or transphobia or any of the shit here! none of it!

ok that's all of the rules I can think of for now. feel free to send a dm or an ask with any questions you might have!

also here's some picrews I made for him

first one

https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1868017

second one

https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1170750

third one

https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/457566

and before I forget, his actual hair color is this (#4d5f4e), because he's a ✨️melanistic✨️ mewboy

[eddiesguitarskills]

When We Were Young

Part 5

Ex bf Eddie Munson X fem reader

Other parts 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Intro: 5 years have past since you packed up and left behind Hawkins. Well not all of it, as the people you met there are still a huge part of your life. But it's been 5 years since you had set a foot in the small town, 5 years since you left him.And now after all that time you were back.

Warning: angst, language, mentions of suicide, miscarriages, self harm, mental health.Arguments. Mentions of break ups. Female identity reader. Use of y/n

Bold parts are flashbacks

Word Count: 4.3 k

A/n: please only read if you are in a good place, I wouldn't want this story to trigger or hurt anyone. This took a while to write again, I just don’t want to rush it. Sorry for the wait hope you enjoy. Buckle in for this rollercoaster of a chapter

Not prove read

The first week of school had been hectic, to say the least, you had expected that. But it genuinely felt like you haven't been able to sit down once, you thought by having all your lesson prepared there wouldn't be too much work other than classes. However, you wanted to make good connections at your new place of work. Especially since a lot of the teachers at the school were there when you were a teenager, you felt like they still saw you as a kid not ready for this responsibility.

Steve fit in so well, he was always better with older people. It was easier for him he was a charmer. You on the other hand were better with kids/teenagers they were easier to read. Your wanting to fit in had led you to have multiple jobs, you felt like this was a test from the other teachers, like a form of hazing so you just said yes and went along with it. You helped organise books in the library. Ran after-school detention. Had to watch the canteen at lunchtime. You were on a permanent coffee run. You had even fallen into the trap of helping to repaint a wall with the school janitor. You were honestly surprised you had any time to teach in between everything you were doing.

Steve had told you “you don't need to do that to fit in. You'll find your place you always do”. But you didn't know how long that might take so you went along with it. It felt worth it when you were invited to drink after school at the local bar on Friday. You knew Steve didn't go to these things which made you nervous, but you knew you would have to start to exist in this town without your crutch.

Which is why you were now standing arm-to-arm with your new colleagues in a packed Hideout. It had improved since the last time you had been there. However despite its new paint, new artwork on the walls. Even with a new sign with a new name, Waterdeep, It still felt the same. The exact same as the night you and Eddie properly met. Nothing had changed. While listening to your colleagues share memories, ignoring your existence, you look around to see what was still there since you last came. You wonder if your’s and Eddie’s initials would still be carved on the table near the toilets. Most people avoided that table so as a teenager in love you thought this would be the best spot to leave the mark of your love.

Sweat dripping from every inch of his body, Eddie jumps from the small stage guitar still strapped to him, over to you. He grabs your cheeks and kisses you deeply. You were glad to be held because you think you would have fallen if not. You had already gone weak at the knees tonight when you heard Eddie’s new song dedicated to you, singing about you being the one. “Did you like it?” You nod your head. “Better than anything I’ve ever heard. Did you mean it?”. Eddie smiles “as I said in the song I don’t care if people think I’m young, and dumb. I know one thing, you are the one I will love for the rest of time”. Heat starts to rise to your cheeks. “When did you get so soft?” He grabs your ass from under your skirts. “Maybe it’s when I saw your rocking body” he joked because he loved you for more than that. But Jesus he would happily worship your body every day. That would be the only religion he would need.

You smacked his chest playfully, then dragged him to where you were sitting. He placed you on his lap in the booth at the table, kissing your ear and your neck. He couldn’t keep his hands off you. You giggled but could also feel more than butterflies starting to rise in your body. You took his hand from your waist and pulled it under the table “eager” he said not understanding that you weren’t trying to ‘play’ in the bar. He put his hand on your leg running up and down it. “Eddie, I didn’t mean that”. He looked glum but quickly removed his hand not wanting to make you uncomfortable. “At least not here at least”. You spoke so only he could hear you. You pulled his hand under the table again and let him feel it. He felt the outline of both your initials carved into the wood. He smiled. “So no matter where we go our mark will always be on the first place we met”. He pulled you in for another kiss, then moved you off his lap. Reaching into his pocket. “In that case, it has to be someone less hidden than under the table. I think our love at least deserves the top of it”. It was silly but I’m that moment it felt like the most romantic thing. At that time everything Eddie did felt like the most romantic thing to ever happen.

You couldn't stop staring at the table, wondering if it was still there. That might be the only proof you have that your love was real. That you were happy together, that at one point he loved you. “What world have you travelled off to now?” You spun around to the sound of the low gravelly voice. You should have put two and two together and realised if Eddie was to own any bar of course it would be this one. It held so many memories for him. It was of his safe places where he could completely be himself. Maybe it wasn't the original dream for him but it made so much sense. It was like this job was always meant for him. You were happy for him.

Eddie had not expected to see you here. Despite how he was acting he was nervous but strangely happy to see you. This could be his only chance to talk to you. He thought you might avoid him for the rest of his life for how he treated you last time you had spoke. Sure you had said some things and you had still hurt him, but hearing about the breakdown made him feel guilty. He felt like the guilt was eating him alive or maybe it was the wondering that was doing that, (if he saw the signs he could have helped?). The problem is when he had these internal battles in his head he always stubbornly ended up with the same thought, that you left him before he had a chance to fix it. Part of him wanted to apologize but he didn't know 100% what for and he was sure he wasn't supposed to know about what happened. Dustin said it wasn't public knowledge, only Steve was allowed to know. It was always Steve. Even now he felt jealous that you always completely let Steve into your world and he had only got a chance to dip his foot in. Even worse now he was out of it altogether.

He was so nervous that he thought about not talking to you, and hiding in the back until you left. That would be pathetic he thought, but he was tempted. That was until he watched you more intensively and noticed how the people you were with were ignoring you completely but then again you weren't trying with them. It looked like you had given up on interacting, he couldn't blame you he recognize many of the faces of his old teacher and he wouldn't want to talk to them either. But this was your new job, you need to try with them. You couldn't shut down. It wasn’t his responsibility to make you feel less lonely or at ease but he didn’t want have something else to feel guilty about. Maybe he couldn't trust you with his heart but he could give you an olive branch.

He noticed you still hadn't said anything and had gone back to daydreaming, he used to think you had the cutest face when you went into a trance. You still did. He almost didn't want to break you from it again, but the longer you were there the more he panicked. He remembers what you said about this place at the Harrington’s, saying it wasn't his dream like he was a failure. Were you judging him? He wanted to put on a front like he didn't care what you thought, but he couldn't stop thinking about it.

“Welcome to my almost dream” you both cringed at his words. “It looks good”. You didn't know what to say. You wanted to tell him you were proud, but it wasn't your place anymore. He hoped you meant that. Those few words were something he didn't know he needed until he heard them from your mouth. “The usual?” he smiled. You were a creature of habit, but maybe you had changed he thought. Maybe this was a small test to find out what was the Same and what was new about you. Every time he remembered you drinking, you would have a vodka and coke. Only half a shot of vodka though. It always felt like the safest drink. “Just a coke. I can't drink anymore”. Why did you tell him that? Can't. The word made him thinking you not drinking wasn’t by choice. He wanted to ask. The word don't and can't are very different but it wasn't his place anymore. “Coming right up”.

He pours a coke from the tap and slides it over to you. “How much?” he shakes his head. “Call it mates rates” he uses a stupid British accent to impersonate you. He regrets it instantly when you don't laugh or smile. How could you smile when you were face to face with the fact that the old Eddie was still in there? The one you loved. Did he flirt with all the customers? Was he just being nice? Was there more to it? Did he notice you looking glum and was trying to cheer you up? Why would he care?

It made sense if you were being rational about it, there was nothing more to it then the fact that he couldn't be cruel like usual in front of the customers. He had to be pretend to be nice but that didn’t stop your heart from stupidly beating slight faster. You knew the old Eddie would unfortunately for you never be real again. A glimpse was all it would ever be, he would slip back to the Eddie who hated you on your next meeting. The thought hurt more than you would like to admit. “I didn't know we were friends” you mutter. It sounded like a dig, you didn't exactly mean it to, but it was a fact.

Silence followed after your statement, you assumed with how busy the bar was, Eddie would use this as his excuse to leave. He had been civil enough for the evening he could go, but he stayed. Thinking about what to say next. Sure you were right, you weren't exactly friends, but you weren't strangers, and given the new information he knew about you, he couldn't bring himself to hate you. So where did that leave you two? The silence was killing you, it felt like all the noise from the bar had disappeared and the only sound you could hear was the gears turning in his head.

You look around the room for anything to mention to stop whatever this was. You see the stage, with a drum set at the back and a microphone. “Do you still play?” He was very thankful for your change of topic and even more thankful you were still talking to him. He wanted to enjoy these few moments with you. He shakes his head. Your stomach sank. You hated that, he was good. Maybe he wasn't amazing enough to break out of the state, but he was still good. You used to love singing with him in his trailer while he played the guitar. You could have never imagined he would have given up something that made him so happy. You wondered what other happiness he had deprived himself of. “Why?” He shrugs his shoulders and mutters “because it made me think of you”. You shouldn't have been able to hear him with how low he spoke, especially with how loud the atmosphere was but he was all you were focused on right now and his words felt like another knife being twisted in you.

It showed you that no matter how hard he pretends to be nice or civil with you, he still looks down on you and blames all his down comings on you. “Oh, so it's my fault”. God he hoped you hadn't even heard it and now you thought he was insulting you. Eddie Munson could not win with you, he ran his hand through his hair. Keep calm, you are doing so well. She is just trying to get a raise out of you he told himself. “That’s not what I meant sweetheart,” he says walking off to the other end of the bar to help the other bartenders. Your heart was beating so fast you were sure you were having a heart attack. You guessed it could be a panic attack but it didn't feel like that. Could it be... No, you shake your head of course not.

“ I see some things never change” you turn around to see Mrs O’donald your old teacher giggling into her chardonnay. “You two were always joined at the hip, I hope he doesn't get you into trouble anymore. I always thought you could do better than him” she slurred her words. It was weird seeing someone who used to be your teacher and who was now your colleague drunk. She always had an issue with Eddie, you always thought it was people like her that was at fault for his failures. Sure he could have put more effort in but it's hard to do that when the people who are supposed to teach you don't even have your back. That's part of the reason you wanted to be a teacher to help kids like Eddie, show they can do it and are worth it. But to hear her still look down on him, pissed you off. You smiled the fakest smile and grabbed your coke off the bar downing it. “Looks like he's doing pretty good to me. I guess you and everyone else were wrong about him. In fact he did all this without your help” with that you left.

The next morning you woke up glad for it to be a Saturday, it had dawned on you what you had said. You were better than that, you could usually bite your tongue. You had worked so hard to fit in and now you had gone against one of the top dogs at school, you hoped it was just your anxiety making you worry and school would be fine. You should have kept your mouth shut. After everything he had done to you, you were still defending him. You felt like a fool. So like a fool, you spend the rest of the weekend in bed hardly eating, walling in self-pity. Ignoring the phone.

As soon as Monday came around you knew you couldn't avoid the world anymore. Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as you were making it. You hoped it had been forgotten about. Whatever the case you needed to sort out your thoughts, you couldn't teach like this. You were thankful for the first period being free. You sat at the desk eating a cereal bar making sure the scripts from Romeo and Juliet were ready for your next lesson with the juniors. You heard a tap on the door, “come in”.

Steve looked at you and shook his head. “So you are alive then” you want to roll your eyes at him, but you hate to think he was worrying about you all weekend. After what happened you knew better than to just shut out the world or at least better than to shut out Steve. “I'm sorry it was a weird weekend”. He gulped worried that something bad had happened, he knew he should have just come around to your house to check on you. “Weird like how everyone is saying you and Eddie are dating or did something else happen?” He decides to mix a joke in about the rumours in the staff room to disguise his worry. He knows you and Eddie had been seen talking on Friday. He hoped it was better than the last time you were in a room together. He hoped Eddie wasn’t to blame for you shutting Steve out all weekend.

You groan and slam your head on the desk. You didn't think that's the gossip that would be spread. You didn't want to have your name linked to Eddie anymore. “Jesus I should have kept my mouth shut, you can't talk to anyone in this town without it being news. All I did was defend him one time”. Steve looked at you confused “wait so you spoke to him, didn’t kill each other. Then defended him. Are you okay?”. You fake laugh. “seriously though I don't know if it's a good idea for you two to be friends, I don't want you to get hurt again”. The school bell rang “I get it, dad, now you better go I have class”.

Eddie had also had a weird weekend but he didn't have the chance to stay inside all weekend like you. He had to go to work. He wishes he hadn’t overheard you standing up for him. It played over and over in his head. Your being back in town had caused more questions. Nothing made sense. He assumed you hated him or didn't like him anymore so you left but why would you stand up for someone you didn't care about? He guessed you were just being nice but it felt like more than that. Before he even had a chance to ask you or thank you, you had left.

He had Monday off work, so he decided this would be his day to go wallow and figure out what this all meant. As soon as one pm hit, he got a call from Dustin so he had to postpone his wallowing. He was thankful for his friend's constant chatter it was a nice distraction from thinking about you. About two hours after that the doorbell rang to signal someone was at his door. Maybe it was you. He had gone a full two hours without thinking about you and now as soon as his brain had a chance to drift to you, it did. It made no sense either why you would be at the door, you didn’t even know where he lived anymore. Even if it was you, what you be here for? What would you even talk about? It made no sense to want you here, but he couldn’t control his thoughts. All rationality had him left since you came back.

He opened the door to reveal Sarah with food from his favourite diner in her hand. With the tight white dress she was wearing that left nothing to imagination he knew exactly what she was after and it wasn’t the food. So he pushed the weird thoughts he was having about you to the back of his mind and took Sarah up on her offer. He didn’t feel like he was using her, he was always upfront about their relationship. He had told her he couldn’t date anybody, and she agreed, saying she only wanted fun. So as long as it didn’t affect work and both knew they could stop this whenever. It felt nice to have an outlet to forget without strings attracted.

Eddie had help Sarah get off a few times but when she tried to return the favour, they were having issues. Eddie was so stressed and thoughts were still consumed with you that he could only get a semi at most. This had never happened before, Sarah felt embarrassed and Eddie felt mortified. Especially since you had already ruined the hope of him ever being in a relationship, now he couldn’t even have sex because of the thought of you. He got out a pre-rolled joint from his bedside table and began to smoke it. He hardly smoked weed anymore. At most once a month but he knew it would help him relax so hopefully he could sort his problem and try again with Sarah.

Halfway through the joint, the house phone started ringing again. He assumed it must be Dustin to finish the conversation they were having before Sarah came. He hoped talking to his friend would help him forget again, so he raced out of the room to the phone. He was about to pick up when he realised he still had the blunt in his mouth. He stubbed it out remembering his promise to Dustin to try and quit. He didn’t want to disappoint him. He then picked up the phone, “sorry I had to hang up before, but I’m free now if you wanna talk again”.

“Sorry to disappoint but I’m definitely not who you were expecting”. Eddie stopped himself from sighing, he hadn’t spoken to Steve in a few weeks. He and Steve being friends, Eddie would have never expected it, in fact, he thought when you left, him and Steve would hate each other forever. However, that’s the thing about this group they had shared trauma and would never leave a man behind. Steve followed this most out of everyone he checked in with the group at least once a week, and with Eddie being around the same age they talked a lot. They in fact grew to be good friends, even if Steve was always a little hesitant to let Eddie fully in. Not hearing from Steve for weeks was weird, but right now it felt weirder to be hearing from him.

“So I heard you and y/n spoke”. Eddie pulls the cord as far as it could stretch so he could sit down at the kitchen table. It felt like a conversation he would have to sit for, otherwise, he would pace back and forth. “Hello to you too, how was work? Great thanks for asking. Been up to much? Not really- ” Steve fake laughs. “Yeah I get it sorry, it’s just y/n is important to me”. Well, that felt like a slap to in face, he knew that. Everyone knew that. He didn’t appreciate being treated like he was dumb by someone he would have called a close friend only a few weeks ago. He hadn’t done anything wrong so why was he getting ambushed? “You two have a history, and I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you two to be friends”. Eddie's leg uncomfortable shaked under the table, “I can't win with you either I'm too mean or I'm too friendly. What do you want me to do?”

Steve tried to stutter out a response, not sure of what he was asking of Eddie. “I get that… it’s just… it’s just…she’s been through a lot”. Eddie's leg shakes more “I know which is why I’m trying to be nicer” he wished he still had the joint right now. “You didn’t care before, why do you care now? Is this some stupid plan to get revenge?”. Whenever it came to you, Steve would get over-protective, and say the most ridiculous things. Eddie had done nothing wrong this time and yet he was still getting told off. He slammed his fists on the table and stood up unable to control his legs. “Jesus if I’m such a bad guy why have you let me around your daughter? If I’m so bad why are we friends?” The insecure side of Eddie wanted a response, wanted to be told he was being dramatic that of course they were friends. Steve wanted to say that but was too stunned to speak. “Fuck I was just a placeholder. You know I wondered when she came back if I would get replaced but I should have known. Me and you were never gonna be friends. I was just a stand in. I didn’t even make you choose but you always chose her. I think you forget she didn’t just leave me, she left you too. I wonder how long until she gets sick of us again and leaves”. Eddie knew he had hit a nerve when he was met with silence. He didn’t need to say anything else but he couldn’t help himself, why not put an extra nail in the coffin of Steve and his relationship? “You act like you are her protector but you didn’t protect her from that breakdown did you?” A low blow from Eddie he knew that, but he said words that he knew would hurt Steve most.

A bang followed by mumblings of Nancy could be heard through the receiver. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Steve had punched a hole through a wall. “Maybe you’re right maybe we could never be friends because I would never be friends with someone responsible for my best friend trying to kil” the phone hung up. Kil- what did that mean? Surely not kill? Kill what? Kill who? Yourself? No. You wouldn’t? He guessed a breakdown could lead to that. But not you. Never you. Steve was just trying to get to him. The men knew each other well, he was just using his weakness like Eddie had used Steve’s. The words meant nothing surely. Rage started filling his body, along with fear and anxiety. He needed to get it out. To curse out the world. Steve. You. Himself. He flipped the table in front of him but it wasn’t enough. So he destroyed everything in his sight but none of it was enough. None of it helped. None of it answered his questions.

A/n: I hope you enjoyed this. Yikes Steve and Eddie’s relationship has really gone sour :( I liked that I didn’t just have to write y/n and Eddie arguing/hating each-other for once.

Taglists

@sidthedollface2 @chonkzombie @mxcheese

@ariacraigggg @chickennug90 @nope-thanks

@rockautumnfanfic @foreveranexpatsposts

@secretdryrose @munsonzzgf @ashlynnkennedy

@violetsandroses8 @sashaphantomhive

@r-a-d-i-O-n-O-w-h-e-r-e @emma77645

@aysheashea @supernatural-1983 @cutiecusp

@1paire2vans @anonymousstoryteller2000

@harrys-tittie @hsmygolden @gretavankleep37

@mmalemanipulator @brxkenartt @ly17

@micheledawn1975 @mmalemanipulator

@harringtonfan4 @brittney69 @clarewinchester

[defiledtomb]

Ouroboros: Progress

I haven't written one of these in forever, so it's slightly clunky, but I aim to have one of these out at least every quarter, if not monthly. Let's dive into it! Spoiler warning for the sneak peeks at the bottom.

What I got done since last month:

After the update drop, I took some time off the main story to prevent the budding burnout. I’m sure you are well aware of my malaise by now- it's a constant effort to stay on the tightrope.

I don't think I brought it up explicitly but when I started writing Ouroboros it was me riding the high of becoming a person again right after years long sick leave and battle with mental health, meaning that while I am absolutely thrilled that I'm getting so much out of life again, that fragile part of me still lives on and I have to take care not to let it get the best of me, and that means constant vigilance and self-compassion. Writing a project this big could easily be a full time job on its own, but I also have to account for going back to the workforce after being gone for so long. It's tough! irl work/life keeps amping up and will continue to eat my energy. Though, come summer, I might actually have some good news on my schedule and how my writing will fit into that. Fingers crossed.

Otherwise I have really enjoyed interacting and goofing around with you on tumblr again, and I’ve had a blast just reading and playing games. It was a very welcomed break. I still got a lot done regarding Ouroboros:

- Got started on all the short stories you voted on, and built the framework of code for how stories will be unlocked as you progress the story. 

- I got some much needed help with setting up a side-blog for writing content only; it’s getting there! Soon Ouro will have its own space.

- I added about 3k words to the next chunk of act 1. A drop in the ocean, but progress is progress. 

- I started sneak-writing on the next act and specifically, the underwater/caving chapter. I am so excited for it! Besides writing and hiking, diving and caving are core parts of my interests. (Didn't I once say that Ouro is disgustingly self indulgent? x] Because it sure is.) 

What’s next:

I am still taking it slow, since most of act 1 pt2 is already written  (60k words ish), and I have some responsibilities I’m gonna need to devote my time to. My goals for February are leading up to Ouro’s first anniversary, so I want to prepare something fun for us to enjoy! If it will be a chunk of update or something else remains to be decided. On the 8th of March we ride.

My priorities for February are:

-having fun with the short stories

-get the sideblog up and running with a new FAQ and character pages, and a new intro post.

-solidify the code and scene transitions for the next update 

- (stretch goal) edit/rewrite/add to the unhinged mess that the next update still is 

 Re: bug reports

Thankfully, last update was relatively bug free, but there are still a few reports sitting in my inbox waiting for changes, mainly

-the egregious oversight of having id's romance scenes appearing although the hunter is committed to L/not in the poly. More on that here.

-the questions with Iontif cutting off short in one path

-a section of the flashback with wrong pronouns + other pronoun variables not displaying correctly (the bane of my existence!!)

Thank you to those who reported these, I always note them down if I don't fix them directly. The reason why I am almost always tardy on bug fixes is because I'm treating this as a first draft that will be rewritten; it makes little sense to dedicate so much time to fixing things that will need to be fixed again. I do them when I have little else I want/have to do. I'm sorry! Triaging problem areas is essential to keeping this show going. I hope that it isn't too invasive to have a few errors in the scenes; rest assured that they will get fixed (eventually 🤡)

Re: save system

Something that has really bothered me lately, is thinking about CoG's obstinate refusal to implement save systems. I absolutely won't release Ouroboros without one, as with how much variation goes into the story (and knowing from first-hand experience playing large games, that one miss-click (or that horrendous bug that chooses options for you if you even look at it wrong) will have you go down a path you didn’t want, or you are faced with starting over, which sometimes leads to such fatigue that you just…stop playing.) it feels like shooting yourself in the foot to not have one. And worse, it feels plain cruel to subject the reader to that. There isn’t any possible way to fit every nuance of a choice into the box-text, or to imply a delayed outcome as a result of making a choice that seems very “innocent” at first glance.

So I stand before a really difficult decision; either code a save system from the bottom up, and I would have to do that sooner rather than later, or port the game to twine which brings its own bundle of problems. Right now I honestly no idea what I want to do, and I have to admit that it fuels a bit of writer's block as I feel locked in place until I come to a decision. Heurgh.

Now for the fun part. Sneak peeks!

I wont share the latter parts as they are still... Unhinged. But the next update isn't just romance, its weapons and insidious cults and fighting, too.  More on that, later.

Thanks for your support, your kind words and for sharing your journey in Ouro. It means the world to me. I’m serious!