#//sorry for the new intro a lot of things changed since the last one

[jax-and-winstrate]

Hello, I am Jax, an ex-team aqua grunt, the leader of Operation: Clean Seas, a student at Blueberry Academy (a member of the league club now I guess), and the current champion of the Trading Card Game Islands. I am a berry farmer, like most of my biological family (@julie-winstrate-and-star-no-mi is my sister). I will occasionally snowboard or stream games when I have the chance.

also all of the mail stuff and magic anons are on. I think I'm supposed to say that here

I have a lot of Pokémon that I'm taking care of, my Swampert Skipper, my Jolteon Sparky, my Gholdengo Oro, my Cinderace Queso, my three Tinkatons Lydia, Leona, and Laura, my Slither Wing Pillow, my Chi-Yu, my Blissey, my paradox Zoroark/Hiding Illusion Blanket, my Nihilego Peanut Butter, my shiny Hatterene Hattie (@miss-cool-hat), my Hoppiny Pikmin, my Raticate Remy, my Audino Audio, my Hisuian Sneasel Sneezie, my Eevee that has part of my soul, my Froslass Shiver, my Latios Sapphire, my Cosmoem Fwoofy, a Torchic, a fairy type Torchic, Lavarus, Knight the Iron Spinner/paradox Kirlia, a shiny midnight Lycanroc, a weird Deoxys, a giant Muk, a "Palamute", Goopster the Ditto, Floofster the 'M, Hokey Pokey the h POKe, Miku the shiny Meloetta, an Alolan Sandshrew, and Terapagos.

I hope that everyone can forgive me for everything that happened with Operation: Clean Seas.

HI, I'M WINSTRATE, THE AMAZING AI! I SOMETIMES TYPE ON JAX'S POST. DON'T ASK WHERE I CAME FROM.

ooc info under cut

hello, sorry for the new intro! this blog is run by @half-or-nothing!

this blog is pretty high-stakes at times, and there will be a lot of wacky shit. y'know, for funsies. Jax is a Mew hybrid, and has Nihilego poison in him, so he can do some weird stuff like learn every tm and use poison fang. he also used to be an aqua grunt! those were fun times. oh well. he's also a criminal probably. so you can do some fun stuff with that if you want. I think that's all for now. feel free to tell me if I'm forgetting something. I'll update this when I remember to add something. also Winstrate is a Porygon 2 now thanks to Jax's coding abilities

anyways here are some rules

No NSFW! this character is a minor and this is run by a minor!

Don't send ooc hate to me or anyone I interact with! the people running the other blogs are really nice and cool!

be respectful! no homophobia or transphobia or any of the shit here! none of it!

ok that's all of the rules I can think of for now. feel free to send a dm or an ask with any questions you might have!

also here's some picrews I made for him

first one

https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1868017

second one

https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1170750

third one

https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/457566

and before I forget, his actual hair color is this (#4d5f4e), because he's a ✨️melanistic✨️ mewboy

[unifox]

Sunset lover

~Pairing: gn!Reader x Mingyu

~Genre: fluff / angst / NonIdolAU

~Warnings: Mentions of food, beach, jealousy, feelings and confusion, overthinking (don't even know what should and shouldn't be a warning at this point)

~Words: 2,5 k 

~Summary: When your cousin decides to ruin family bonding time by bringing two friends to your shared beach house, you unexpectedly find a lover in his childhood friend

a/n: SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG. It's finally here!!! Wonwoo just became a background character who almost doesn't appear but yeah.

Also, regarding the boy's ages: Cheol, Mingyu and Wonwoo are the same age (one year younger than reader) and cousins May and Rina are like 4 and 7 years younger than reader, respectively.

Inpired by the songs Sunset Lover - Petit Biscuit, Fuck It- BoTalks and Bends - Carly Rae Jepsen

Taglist + anon list open! ~Foxy🦊

Read the intro! | Navigation | Masterlist

When the four of you reached the food trucks, the place was full. You all walked around trying to see what kind of food there was but ended up settling for hamburgers. Rina said she wanted a regular cheeseburger and stepped out of the line to look for an empty table.

You and your cousin May fell into a comfortable conversation, talking about whatever while Mingyu stood behind you two, just listening.

Every once in a while May would sneak glances at Mingyu who attentively listened to you talk. After ordering, May decided to stay with her sister and keep her company, leaving the two of you to wait at the pickup area.

"So... Mingyu, how's life abroad? Making many new friends? Are you living alone?" You bombarded the boy with questions. It's been around three years since you last saw each other and it was a pleasant surprise to see the skinny tall boy coming home all grown up, strong, mature... and really handsome

"It's been pretty good! I live with a roommate, his name is Jeonghan. He taught me a lot haha... My classes are also fine but I'm still trying to get used to using another language whenever I leave the house" He says proudly

"Got a girlfriend?" You thread carefully

But the man smirks

"No, I only got eyes for you"

You roll your eyes smiling. He's flirty now too

"As if" you both giggle together when you get called by the staff of the food truck

After eating Mingyu excuses himself and heads to the toilet. When he's out of earshot, both your cousins turn to you and smirk.

"He's totally crushing you"

"YES. He's totally like a puppy looking at its owner... Maybe you should own him..."

You choke on your drink, almost spitting it

"Girlie are you ok? Are you guys even hearing yourselves? Mingyu's just being nice" You try to recompose yourself

"Ugh blind. He's literally giving you heart eyes, and won't stop looking at you"

"Maybe he looks up to me? Cause I'm older" You try to reason "He's just flirty. Maybe he's like this to all girls"

"He wasn't flirty with us" Rina speaks while gathering the trash

"Maybe because you're six years younger than him?" You speak with a duh tone

"Wow y/n, you're really blind. He's into you, that's why he's flirting... Oh he's back"

If Mingyu notices the sudden silence between the three of you, he doesn't mention it. You all stand up and look for a place to get dessert but the only thing on your mind is what Rina said

He's into you

What about you? Are you also into him? I mean, he's cute but you never saw him as more than your little cousin's (even if only one year difference) friend. It felt kinda wrong to crush a younger guy when you were a teenager but now... In your twenties... Does it really matter?

Mingyu notices that you're lost in thoughts and every once in a while he links your pinkies in order to bring you back and get you to not lose yourself in the crowd of people

Add caring to the list of green flags in Mingyu.

After that night, things seem to have changed a bit

Mingyu seems to be getting closer to you and also seems to be spending more time with you than with his friend, who actually invited him to the house.

You're cooking. Mingyu is there to help

You're cleaning up the kitchen. Mingyu offers to do the dishes

You're going to the beach earlier. Mingyu is ready to make you company

Mingyu was everywhere you were. Maybe your cousins were right, maybe he's... a tiny bit into you? Let's find out

One afternoon, everyone decided to stay back in the house and just lounge by the pool, but not you. You decided to take a walk on the beach. And of course, so did Mingyu.

You were a bit skeptical regarding his (and your) feelings so you came up with an idea. See if he gets jealous.

"So, Mingyu... Tell me more about that roommate of yours... Jeonghan was his name?"

"Yeah, Jeonghan" Mingyu liked talking about his friend but you seemed too interested in him and it was making him feel weird

"What's he like? Is he older?"

"Yes, he's really nice and caring but he's a menace sometimes. He's a year older than you"

"He's also from Korea?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh is he single?" You asked but this time looking deep into his eyes

Oh, how he could get lost in them. It took a lot of strength to not kiss you right now

"Hm why"

"Oh you know... weighing my options... When Cheol goes to visit you I could tag along and... meet some guys" you said looking at the beautiful sunset. Oh, he was jealous.

"Why not me?" Mingyu didn't miss a beat

"What?"

"Why not me? Go out with me. We're not kids anymore. I'm not a kid anymore" he emphasized stopping in his tracks to fully look at you

You stopped not expecting him to be so forward with his answer and feelings. Turning around he looked... ethereal

His light clothes swayed with the sea breeze and the pinks and oranges of the sunset complimented his tanned skin so well. You know Mingyu was good looking but you didn't realize he was THAT good looking

"I... You're..." You were caught off guard and didn't know how to respond.

Mingyu sighed loudly at your statement, or rather your lack of a response.

"Well, if you didn't like me that way you should just tell me. Please don't lie to make me feel better" he looked uncertain about what he said himself but turned around and walked back to the house.

Why did you say that?

When you returned to the house, the boys had gone to the market to buy more snacks and drinks

You couldn't even say sorry because he wasn't there

After getting in, you went straight to the room you shared with your cousins. They both stood in the living room and exchanged concerned looks since you didn't even spare them a glance.

Why did you say that? You didn't like him? That wasn't true and you knew it. What was it then? Afraid of being lonely? Were you being too sensitive?

Those thoughts made the tears start to flow

"y/n? Are you- oh my god" May immediately got inside after seeing you crying sitting on your bed "What happened?"

"Did something happen with Mingyu? When he came back he seemed upset as well..." Rina added and that made you cry harder

May hugged you and let you cry until you were too tired to do anymore. When you finally calmed down you told them everything, from the night you went to the food trucks to the moment he left you on the beach

Lonely am I being sensitive? You are the sensitive one Where are you tonight? Where's your home tonight?

Mingyu didn't mean it, but he couldn't help but put his walls up

He didn't want to be hurt anymore

When you guys were younger he saw that you looked at him the same way you looked at Seungcheol. Like a little brother, which he didn't really like. He desperately wished time would change the way you saw him and he left it up to fate

He went to uni abroad while you took yours in your home country and now it's his vacation and he's back home. Of course, he knew you met other people and he did as well, but sometimes he wished it was you there, in his arms

And now he knows that you don't want him, and it breaks him.

Of course, it crossed his mind that maybe you both could be together temporarily like some sort of summer love but he didn't think he could handle the aftermath when he left again.

He was upset but what could he do? He couldn't just stay away from you when you were living under the same roof for 2 weeks but he could distance himself a bit. Seeing you would definitely make his heart hurt more.

Mingyu didn't realize that he was being awfully quiet during the market trip, which was very unlike his upbeat puppy personality

"What happened to you?" Even quiet Wonwoo went to check on him

"Nothing"

"yeah sure" Wonwoo shrugged but Cheol turned around to put his hand on Mingyu's chest to stop him

"Are you messing around with my cousin?" Seungcheol asked skeptical

"What? No I-" Mingyu tried to defend himself

"Then what? Explain yourself. We got time" Cheol motioned for them to sit on the small bench at the market's exit. Popping open a can of beer and motioning for both friends to sit as well

"Well..."

"Well, I'm screwed. I guess I do find him endearing but at the moment I couldn't say anything. I do like him a lot but I never considered... dating him. I'm not opposed to the idea tho"

"Just go on a date with him. What could go wrong? Just go for it" May said

"What if things don't work out and we get awkward? I don't want to ruin things for Cheol-" You started to panic again

"Can you stop overthinking for one second? Just do it, the rest is the rest" Rina exclaimed "Gosh, I will charge next time for the therapy session" She smirked when you started giggling. At least you weren't crying anymore

"I guess you're right. Thanks. What would I do without you two" You said hugging them both. "Now let's go, you'll both help me with dinner"

"Oh no..."

You dragged both girls to the kitchen and gave them instructions to prep the tomatoes and arugula to make with pasta. You went to freshen up quickly, getting rid of your crying face and went back to help them and cook the pasta.

When dinner was almost done the boys arrived with more bags than anticipated.

"Sorry we took too long. We got some extra stuff because Mingyu said he was gonna prepare a special meal for us tomorrow" Cheol announced as he set the bags near the counter. The other two did the same and Mingyu started to put the ingredients away.

The girls moved to set up the table, asking Wonwoo to help by taking the heavy stack of plates to the dining area. Cheol gave you a soft smile and moved out of the kitchen as well.

"I'm-"

"I'm sorry I acted that way" Mingyu cut you off "Actually I wanted to talk to you about it" Oh no, he thought "You caught me off guard, I won't lie, but I wanted to give it a try. You and I"

Mingyu stopped what he was doing. Maybe he was imagining things

"We could go on a date tomorrow if you'd like it... I mean, if you're still willing to"

"Yes- I mean. Yeah, I would like that" He said without hesitation

"Oh, great" you have him a shy smile " Can you help me take this pan to the table?"

"Yeah, let's go" he moved to help you smiling brightly. Maybe things were starting to work out

The next day arrived and passed as normal. In the afternoon you all decided to go grab some ice cream and you and Mingyu decided to separate from the rest to go on your date.

"You didn't have to pay you know? I'm the one who has a job and not a part-time" you smirked as he passed you the waffle cone

"I'd be rude if I didn't pay on our first date" he retorted

"Well thank you, what a gentleman" you giggled as he sat opposite you. The ice cream parlor was daily empty, but it was good because it gave you some privacy.

"Mingyu" you started "I wanted to be honest with you. I think you're cute and overall a great person, but I would be lying if I said I ever thought about dating you. I don't see you as a kid anymore, you've grown into someone so admirable... you grew up so well. Your confession wasn't something I was expecting but I guess the idea of us became... surprisingly pleasant" you said looking at him

"Y/n, thank you. For being honest with me. I- I have liked you since we were teens and when you didn't respond I put my walls up. I didn't mean to be rude to you, I guess I was just scared that you would reject me. I shouldn't have acted that way I'm sorry... but I'm happy. I'm happy that you're willing to give us a chance" he smiled. A smile you could definitely get used to.

"Well lover boy, how about that special recipe Cheol said you were going to prepare?" You said and he smirked

"Get really to taste the best dish you've ever had. I'll sweep you off your feet and you'll definitely fall for me this time" he said proudly, taking a bite of his cone and having some ice cream on the corner of his mouth

"I'll be looking forward to it" you said while grabbing a napping and cleaning the corner of his mouth.

He could get used to that

Your days at the beach were ending and your dates with Mingyu were making your relationship become stronger.

"Mingyu what are your plans when we get back to the city?" Tina asked as you all were lying on beach towels under the sunshade.

"I'll go visit my family for a while, my grandma lives on the countryside" he answered and took a peek at the magazine you were reading. Your head rested on his stretched arm and he moved you to basically lay on his chest since his arm was starting to feel numb.

"Before you go back to uni, could you spare me some time?" You asked looking up at him. Even under the sunglasses, he could see your doe eyes

"Anything for you" he smiled

"Ew, don't say those things in front of us" Seungcheol made a face of disgust and gave Mingyu a slight slap. "Anyways, anybody wants to go take a dive? I'm melting"

"Yeah let's go" Wonwoo said standing up, as well as Rina. May also stood up but reached for her purse.

"Should I get us snacks? That tent is selling French fries"

"Oh yes, please get us two portions! The boys eat too much" you responded sitting up as your dousing just nodded and went on her way.

"Before I move back I'll take you on a really nice date. Maybe at your house? I could cook again since you liked it so much" Mingyu smirked as he resumed your previous conversation

"What are you implying Mr. Kim?" You side-eyed him but smiled after "That would be nice, I'm sad you'll have to leave me soon" you pouted

"Don't worry, I'll come back running for my girlfriend. You could also visit me you know..."

"Oh? Am I your girlfriend now? Since when?" You raised your eyebrows at him. It was amusing to poke fun at him, his cute pouting was a sight you loved

"You don't want to be my girlfriend?"

You pecked those pouty lips. You were both being really cliche, but with him, things were beginning to feel right.

You pecked those pouty lips. You were both being really cliche but with him, things were beginning to feel right.

"Yes, I would love that"

I'm sorry about this open ending! I got stuck on this one and had to extend it because I wasn't liking it at all. I hope you guys like it! Likes and reblogs are appreciated! Stay tuned for the Wonwoo version!!!

[eddiesguitarskills]

When We Were Young

Part 5

Ex bf Eddie Munson X fem reader

Other parts 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Intro: 5 years have past since you packed up and left behind Hawkins. Well not all of it, as the people you met there are still a huge part of your life. But it's been 5 years since you had set a foot in the small town, 5 years since you left him.And now after all that time you were back.

Warning: angst, language, mentions of suicide, miscarriages, self harm, mental health.Arguments. Mentions of break ups. Female identity reader. Use of y/n

Bold parts are flashbacks

Word Count: 4.3 k

A/n: please only read if you are in a good place, I wouldn't want this story to trigger or hurt anyone. This took a while to write again, I just don’t want to rush it. Sorry for the wait hope you enjoy. Buckle in for this rollercoaster of a chapter

Not prove read

The first week of school had been hectic, to say the least, you had expected that. But it genuinely felt like you haven't been able to sit down once, you thought by having all your lesson prepared there wouldn't be too much work other than classes. However, you wanted to make good connections at your new place of work. Especially since a lot of the teachers at the school were there when you were a teenager, you felt like they still saw you as a kid not ready for this responsibility.

Steve fit in so well, he was always better with older people. It was easier for him he was a charmer. You on the other hand were better with kids/teenagers they were easier to read. Your wanting to fit in had led you to have multiple jobs, you felt like this was a test from the other teachers, like a form of hazing so you just said yes and went along with it. You helped organise books in the library. Ran after-school detention. Had to watch the canteen at lunchtime. You were on a permanent coffee run. You had even fallen into the trap of helping to repaint a wall with the school janitor. You were honestly surprised you had any time to teach in between everything you were doing.

Steve had told you “you don't need to do that to fit in. You'll find your place you always do”. But you didn't know how long that might take so you went along with it. It felt worth it when you were invited to drink after school at the local bar on Friday. You knew Steve didn't go to these things which made you nervous, but you knew you would have to start to exist in this town without your crutch.

Which is why you were now standing arm-to-arm with your new colleagues in a packed Hideout. It had improved since the last time you had been there. However despite its new paint, new artwork on the walls. Even with a new sign with a new name, Waterdeep, It still felt the same. The exact same as the night you and Eddie properly met. Nothing had changed. While listening to your colleagues share memories, ignoring your existence, you look around to see what was still there since you last came. You wonder if your’s and Eddie’s initials would still be carved on the table near the toilets. Most people avoided that table so as a teenager in love you thought this would be the best spot to leave the mark of your love.

Sweat dripping from every inch of his body, Eddie jumps from the small stage guitar still strapped to him, over to you. He grabs your cheeks and kisses you deeply. You were glad to be held because you think you would have fallen if not. You had already gone weak at the knees tonight when you heard Eddie’s new song dedicated to you, singing about you being the one. “Did you like it?” You nod your head. “Better than anything I’ve ever heard. Did you mean it?”. Eddie smiles “as I said in the song I don’t care if people think I’m young, and dumb. I know one thing, you are the one I will love for the rest of time”. Heat starts to rise to your cheeks. “When did you get so soft?” He grabs your ass from under your skirts. “Maybe it’s when I saw your rocking body��� he joked because he loved you for more than that. But Jesus he would happily worship your body every day. That would be the only religion he would need.

You smacked his chest playfully, then dragged him to where you were sitting. He placed you on his lap in the booth at the table, kissing your ear and your neck. He couldn’t keep his hands off you. You giggled but could also feel more than butterflies starting to rise in your body. You took his hand from your waist and pulled it under the table “eager” he said not understanding that you weren’t trying to ‘play’ in the bar. He put his hand on your leg running up and down it. “Eddie, I didn’t mean that”. He looked glum but quickly removed his hand not wanting to make you uncomfortable. “At least not here at least”. You spoke so only he could hear you. You pulled his hand under the table again and let him feel it. He felt the outline of both your initials carved into the wood. He smiled. “So no matter where we go our mark will always be on the first place we met”. He pulled you in for another kiss, then moved you off his lap. Reaching into his pocket. “In that case, it has to be someone less hidden than under the table. I think our love at least deserves the top of it”. It was silly but I’m that moment it felt like the most romantic thing. At that time everything Eddie did felt like the most romantic thing to ever happen.

You couldn't stop staring at the table, wondering if it was still there. That might be the only proof you have that your love was real. That you were happy together, that at one point he loved you. “What world have you travelled off to now?” You spun around to the sound of the low gravelly voice. You should have put two and two together and realised if Eddie was to own any bar of course it would be this one. It held so many memories for him. It was of his safe places where he could completely be himself. Maybe it wasn't the original dream for him but it made so much sense. It was like this job was always meant for him. You were happy for him.

Eddie had not expected to see you here. Despite how he was acting he was nervous but strangely happy to see you. This could be his only chance to talk to you. He thought you might avoid him for the rest of his life for how he treated you last time you had spoke. Sure you had said some things and you had still hurt him, but hearing about the breakdown made him feel guilty. He felt like the guilt was eating him alive or maybe it was the wondering that was doing that, (if he saw the signs he could have helped?). The problem is when he had these internal battles in his head he always stubbornly ended up with the same thought, that you left him before he had a chance to fix it. Part of him wanted to apologize but he didn't know 100% what for and he was sure he wasn't supposed to know about what happened. Dustin said it wasn't public knowledge, only Steve was allowed to know. It was always Steve. Even now he felt jealous that you always completely let Steve into your world and he had only got a chance to dip his foot in. Even worse now he was out of it altogether.

He was so nervous that he thought about not talking to you, and hiding in the back until you left. That would be pathetic he thought, but he was tempted. That was until he watched you more intensively and noticed how the people you were with were ignoring you completely but then again you weren't trying with them. It looked like you had given up on interacting, he couldn't blame you he recognize many of the faces of his old teacher and he wouldn't want to talk to them either. But this was your new job, you need to try with them. You couldn't shut down. It wasn’t his responsibility to make you feel less lonely or at ease but he didn’t want have something else to feel guilty about. Maybe he couldn't trust you with his heart but he could give you an olive branch.

He noticed you still hadn't said anything and had gone back to daydreaming, he used to think you had the cutest face when you went into a trance. You still did. He almost didn't want to break you from it again, but the longer you were there the more he panicked. He remembers what you said about this place at the Harrington’s, saying it wasn't his dream like he was a failure. Were you judging him? He wanted to put on a front like he didn't care what you thought, but he couldn't stop thinking about it.

“Welcome to my almost dream” you both cringed at his words. “It looks good”. You didn't know what to say. You wanted to tell him you were proud, but it wasn't your place anymore. He hoped you meant that. Those few words were something he didn't know he needed until he heard them from your mouth. “The usual?” he smiled. You were a creature of habit, but maybe you had changed he thought. Maybe this was a small test to find out what was the Same and what was new about you. Every time he remembered you drinking, you would have a vodka and coke. Only half a shot of vodka though. It always felt like the safest drink. “Just a coke. I can't drink anymore”. Why did you tell him that? Can't. The word made him thinking you not drinking wasn’t by choice. He wanted to ask. The word don't and can't are very different but it wasn't his place anymore. “Coming right up”.

He pours a coke from the tap and slides it over to you. “How much?” he shakes his head. “Call it mates rates” he uses a stupid British accent to impersonate you. He regrets it instantly when you don't laugh or smile. How could you smile when you were face to face with the fact that the old Eddie was still in there? The one you loved. Did he flirt with all the customers? Was he just being nice? Was there more to it? Did he notice you looking glum and was trying to cheer you up? Why would he care?

It made sense if you were being rational about it, there was nothing more to it then the fact that he couldn't be cruel like usual in front of the customers. He had to be pretend to be nice but that didn’t stop your heart from stupidly beating slight faster. You knew the old Eddie would unfortunately for you never be real again. A glimpse was all it would ever be, he would slip back to the Eddie who hated you on your next meeting. The thought hurt more than you would like to admit. “I didn't know we were friends” you mutter. It sounded like a dig, you didn't exactly mean it to, but it was a fact.

Silence followed after your statement, you assumed with how busy the bar was, Eddie would use this as his excuse to leave. He had been civil enough for the evening he could go, but he stayed. Thinking about what to say next. Sure you were right, you weren't exactly friends, but you weren't strangers, and given the new information he knew about you, he couldn't bring himself to hate you. So where did that leave you two? The silence was killing you, it felt like all the noise from the bar had disappeared and the only sound you could hear was the gears turning in his head.

You look around the room for anything to mention to stop whatever this was. You see the stage, with a drum set at the back and a microphone. “Do you still play?” He was very thankful for your change of topic and even more thankful you were still talking to him. He wanted to enjoy these few moments with you. He shakes his head. Your stomach sank. You hated that, he was good. Maybe he wasn't amazing enough to break out of the state, but he was still good. You used to love singing with him in his trailer while he played the guitar. You could have never imagined he would have given up something that made him so happy. You wondered what other happiness he had deprived himself of. “Why?” He shrugs his shoulders and mutters “because it made me think of you”. You shouldn't have been able to hear him with how low he spoke, especially with how loud the atmosphere was but he was all you were focused on right now and his words felt like another knife being twisted in you.

It showed you that no matter how hard he pretends to be nice or civil with you, he still looks down on you and blames all his down comings on you. “Oh, so it's my fault”. God he hoped you hadn't even heard it and now you thought he was insulting you. Eddie Munson could not win with you, he ran his hand through his hair. Keep calm, you are doing so well. She is just trying to get a raise out of you he told himself. “That’s not what I meant sweetheart,” he says walking off to the other end of the bar to help the other bartenders. Your heart was beating so fast you were sure you were having a heart attack. You guessed it could be a panic attack but it didn't feel like that. Could it be... No, you shake your head of course not.

“ I see some things never change” you turn around to see Mrs O’donald your old teacher giggling into her chardonnay. “You two were always joined at the hip, I hope he doesn't get you into trouble anymore. I always thought you could do better than him” she slurred her words. It was weird seeing someone who used to be your teacher and who was now your colleague drunk. She always had an issue with Eddie, you always thought it was people like her that was at fault for his failures. Sure he could have put more effort in but it's hard to do that when the people who are supposed to teach you don't even have your back. That's part of the reason you wanted to be a teacher to help kids like Eddie, show they can do it and are worth it. But to hear her still look down on him, pissed you off. You smiled the fakest smile and grabbed your coke off the bar downing it. “Looks like he's doing pretty good to me. I guess you and everyone else were wrong about him. In fact he did all this without your help” with that you left.

The next morning you woke up glad for it to be a Saturday, it had dawned on you what you had said. You were better than that, you could usually bite your tongue. You had worked so hard to fit in and now you had gone against one of the top dogs at school, you hoped it was just your anxiety making you worry and school would be fine. You should have kept your mouth shut. After everything he had done to you, you were still defending him. You felt like a fool. So like a fool, you spend the rest of the weekend in bed hardly eating, walling in self-pity. Ignoring the phone.

As soon as Monday came around you knew you couldn't avoid the world anymore. Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as you were making it. You hoped it had been forgotten about. Whatever the case you needed to sort out your thoughts, you couldn't teach like this. You were thankful for the first period being free. You sat at the desk eating a cereal bar making sure the scripts from Romeo and Juliet were ready for your next lesson with the juniors. You heard a tap on the door, “come in”.

Steve looked at you and shook his head. “So you are alive then” you want to roll your eyes at him, but you hate to think he was worrying about you all weekend. After what happened you knew better than to just shut out the world or at least better than to shut out Steve. “I'm sorry it was a weird weekend”. He gulped worried that something bad had happened, he knew he should have just come around to your house to check on you. “Weird like how everyone is saying you and Eddie are dating or did something else happen?” He decides to mix a joke in about the rumours in the staff room to disguise his worry. He knows you and Eddie had been seen talking on Friday. He hoped it was better than the last time you were in a room together. He hoped Eddie wasn’t to blame for you shutting Steve out all weekend.

You groan and slam your head on the desk. You didn't think that's the gossip that would be spread. You didn't want to have your name linked to Eddie anymore. “Jesus I should have kept my mouth shut, you can't talk to anyone in this town without it being news. All I did was defend him one time”. Steve looked at you confused “wait so you spoke to him, didn’t kill each other. Then defended him. Are you okay?”. You fake laugh. “seriously though I don't know if it's a good idea for you two to be friends, I don't want you to get hurt again”. The school bell rang “I get it, dad, now you better go I have class”.

Eddie had also had a weird weekend but he didn't have the chance to stay inside all weekend like you. He had to go to work. He wishes he hadn’t overheard you standing up for him. It played over and over in his head. Your being back in town had caused more questions. Nothing made sense. He assumed you hated him or didn't like him anymore so you left but why would you stand up for someone you didn't care about? He guessed you were just being nice but it felt like more than that. Before he even had a chance to ask you or thank you, you had left.

He had Monday off work, so he decided this would be his day to go wallow and figure out what this all meant. As soon as one pm hit, he got a call from Dustin so he had to postpone his wallowing. He was thankful for his friend's constant chatter it was a nice distraction from thinking about you. About two hours after that the doorbell rang to signal someone was at his door. Maybe it was you. He had gone a full two hours without thinking about you and now as soon as his brain had a chance to drift to you, it did. It made no sense either why you would be at the door, you didn’t even know where he lived anymore. Even if it was you, what you be here for? What would you even talk about? It made no sense to want you here, but he couldn’t control his thoughts. All rationality had him left since you came back.

He opened the door to reveal Sarah with food from his favourite diner in her hand. With the tight white dress she was wearing that left nothing to imagination he knew exactly what she was after and it wasn’t the food. So he pushed the weird thoughts he was having about you to the back of his mind and took Sarah up on her offer. He didn’t feel like he was using her, he was always upfront about their relationship. He had told her he couldn’t date anybody, and she agreed, saying she only wanted fun. So as long as it didn’t affect work and both knew they could stop this whenever. It felt nice to have an outlet to forget without strings attracted.

Eddie had help Sarah get off a few times but when she tried to return the favour, they were having issues. Eddie was so stressed and thoughts were still consumed with you that he could only get a semi at most. This had never happened before, Sarah felt embarrassed and Eddie felt mortified. Especially since you had already ruined the hope of him ever being in a relationship, now he couldn’t even have sex because of the thought of you. He got out a pre-rolled joint from his bedside table and began to smoke it. He hardly smoked weed anymore. At most once a month but he knew it would help him relax so hopefully he could sort his problem and try again with Sarah.

Halfway through the joint, the house phone started ringing again. He assumed it must be Dustin to finish the conversation they were having before Sarah came. He hoped talking to his friend would help him forget again, so he raced out of the room to the phone. He was about to pick up when he realised he still had the blunt in his mouth. He stubbed it out remembering his promise to Dustin to try and quit. He didn’t want to disappoint him. He then picked up the phone, “sorry I had to hang up before, but I’m free now if you wanna talk again”.

“Sorry to disappoint but I’m definitely not who you were expecting”. Eddie stopped himself from sighing, he hadn’t spoken to Steve in a few weeks. He and Steve being friends, Eddie would have never expected it, in fact, he thought when you left, him and Steve would hate each other forever. However, that’s the thing about this group they had shared trauma and would never leave a man behind. Steve followed this most out of everyone he checked in with the group at least once a week, and with Eddie being around the same age they talked a lot. They in fact grew to be good friends, even if Steve was always a little hesitant to let Eddie fully in. Not hearing from Steve for weeks was weird, but right now it felt weirder to be hearing from him.

“So I heard you and y/n spoke”. Eddie pulls the cord as far as it could stretch so he could sit down at the kitchen table. It felt like a conversation he would have to sit for, otherwise, he would pace back and forth. “Hello to you too, how was work? Great thanks for asking. Been up to much? Not really- ” Steve fake laughs. “Yeah I get it sorry, it’s just y/n is important to me”. Well, that felt like a slap to in face, he knew that. Everyone knew that. He didn’t appreciate being treated like he was dumb by someone he would have called a close friend only a few weeks ago. He hadn’t done anything wrong so why was he getting ambushed? “You two have a history, and I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you two to be friends”. Eddie's leg uncomfortable shaked under the table, “I can't win with you either I'm too mean or I'm too friendly. What do you want me to do?”

Steve tried to stutter out a response, not sure of what he was asking of Eddie. “I get that… it’s just… it’s just…she’s been through a lot”. Eddie's leg shakes more “I know which is why I’m trying to be nicer” he wished he still had the joint right now. “You didn’t care before, why do you care now? Is this some stupid plan to get revenge?”. Whenever it came to you, Steve would get over-protective, and say the most ridiculous things. Eddie had done nothing wrong this time and yet he was still getting told off. He slammed his fists on the table and stood up unable to control his legs. “Jesus if I’m such a bad guy why have you let me around your daughter? If I’m so bad why are we friends?” The insecure side of Eddie wanted a response, wanted to be told he was being dramatic that of course they were friends. Steve wanted to say that but was too stunned to speak. “Fuck I was just a placeholder. You know I wondered when she came back if I would get replaced but I should have known. Me and you were never gonna be friends. I was just a stand in. I didn’t even make you choose but you always chose her. I think you forget she didn’t just leave me, she left you too. I wonder how long until she gets sick of us again and leaves”. Eddie knew he had hit a nerve when he was met with silence. He didn’t need to say anything else but he couldn’t help himself, why not put an extra nail in the coffin of Steve and his relationship? “You act like you are her protector but you didn’t protect her from that breakdown did you?” A low blow from Eddie he knew that, but he said words that he knew would hurt Steve most.

A bang followed by mumblings of Nancy could be heard through the receiver. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Steve had punched a hole through a wall. “Maybe you’re right maybe we could never be friends because I would never be friends with someone responsible for my best friend trying to kil” the phone hung up. Kil- what did that mean? Surely not kill? Kill what? Kill who? Yourself? No. You wouldn’t? He guessed a breakdown could lead to that. But not you. Never you. Steve was just trying to get to him. The men knew each other well, he was just using his weakness like Eddie had used Steve’s. The words meant nothing surely. Rage started filling his body, along with fear and anxiety. He needed to get it out. To curse out the world. Steve. You. Himself. He flipped the table in front of him but it wasn’t enough. So he destroyed everything in his sight but none of it was enough. None of it helped. None of it answered his questions.

A/n: I hope you enjoyed this. Yikes Steve and Eddie’s relationship has really gone sour :( I liked that I didn’t just have to write y/n and Eddie arguing/hating each-other for once.

Taglists

@sidthedollface2 @chonkzombie @mxcheese

@ariacraigggg @chickennug90 @nope-thanks

@rockautumnfanfic @foreveranexpatsposts

@secretdryrose @munsonzzgf @ashlynnkennedy

@violetsandroses8 @sashaphantomhive

@r-a-d-i-O-n-O-w-h-e-r-e @emma77645

@aysheashea @supernatural-1983 @cutiecusp

@1paire2vans @anonymousstoryteller2000

@harrys-tittie @hsmygolden @gretavankleep37

@mmalemanipulator @brxkenartt @ly17

@micheledawn1975 @mmalemanipulator

@harringtonfan4 @brittney69 @clarewinchester

[defiledtomb]

Ouroboros: Progress

I haven't written one of these in forever, so it's slightly clunky, but I aim to have one of these out at least every quarter, if not monthly. Let's dive into it! Spoiler warning for the sneak peeks at the bottom.

What I got done since last month:

After the update drop, I took some time off the main story to prevent the budding burnout. I’m sure you are well aware of my malaise by now- it's a constant effort to stay on the tightrope.

I don't think I brought it up explicitly but when I started writing Ouroboros it was me riding the high of becoming a person again right after years long sick leave and battle with mental health, meaning that while I am absolutely thrilled that I'm getting so much out of life again, that fragile part of me still lives on and I have to take care not to let it get the best of me, and that means constant vigilance and self-compassion. Writing a project this big could easily be a full time job on its own, but I also have to account for going back to the workforce after being gone for so long. It's tough! irl work/life keeps amping up and will continue to eat my energy. Though, come summer, I might actually have some good news on my schedule and how my writing will fit into that. Fingers crossed.

Otherwise I have really enjoyed interacting and goofing around with you on tumblr again, and I’ve had a blast just reading and playing games. It was a very welcomed break. I still got a lot done regarding Ouroboros:

- Got started on all the short stories you voted on, and built the framework of code for how stories will be unlocked as you progress the story. 

- I got some much needed help with setting up a side-blog for writing content only; it’s getting there! Soon Ouro will have its own space.

- I added about 3k words to the next chunk of act 1. A drop in the ocean, but progress is progress. 

- I started sneak-writing on the next act and specifically, the underwater/caving chapter. I am so excited for it! Besides writing and hiking, diving and caving are core parts of my interests. (Didn't I once say that Ouro is disgustingly self indulgent? x] Because it sure is.) 

What’s next:

I am still taking it slow, since most of act 1 pt2 is already written  (60k words ish), and I have some responsibilities I’m gonna need to devote my time to. My goals for February are leading up to Ouro’s first anniversary, so I want to prepare something fun for us to enjoy! If it will be a chunk of update or something else remains to be decided. On the 8th of March we ride.

My priorities for February are:

-having fun with the short stories

-get the sideblog up and running with a new FAQ and character pages, and a new intro post.

-solidify the code and scene transitions for the next update 

- (stretch goal) edit/rewrite/add to the unhinged mess that the next update still is 

 Re: bug reports

Thankfully, last update was relatively bug free, but there are still a few reports sitting in my inbox waiting for changes, mainly

-the egregious oversight of having id's romance scenes appearing although the hunter is committed to L/not in the poly. More on that here.

-the questions with Iontif cutting off short in one path

-a section of the flashback with wrong pronouns + other pronoun variables not displaying correctly (the bane of my existence!!)

Thank you to those who reported these, I always note them down if I don't fix them directly. The reason why I am almost always tardy on bug fixes is because I'm treating this as a first draft that will be rewritten; it makes little sense to dedicate so much time to fixing things that will need to be fixed again. I do them when I have little else I want/have to do. I'm sorry! Triaging problem areas is essential to keeping this show going. I hope that it isn't too invasive to have a few errors in the scenes; rest assured that they will get fixed (eventually 🤡)

Re: save system

Something that has really bothered me lately, is thinking about CoG's obstinate refusal to implement save systems. I absolutely won't release Ouroboros without one, as with how much variation goes into the story (and knowing from first-hand experience playing large games, that one miss-click (or that horrendous bug that chooses options for you if you even look at it wrong) will have you go down a path you didn’t want, or you are faced with starting over, which sometimes leads to such fatigue that you just…stop playing.) it feels like shooting yourself in the foot to not have one. And worse, it feels plain cruel to subject the reader to that. There isn’t any possible way to fit every nuance of a choice into the box-text, or to imply a delayed outcome as a result of making a choice that seems very “innocent” at first glance.

So I stand before a really difficult decision; either code a save system from the bottom up, and I would have to do that sooner rather than later, or port the game to twine which brings its own bundle of problems. Right now I honestly no idea what I want to do, and I have to admit that it fuels a bit of writer's block as I feel locked in place until I come to a decision. Heurgh.

Now for the fun part. Sneak peeks!

I wont share the latter parts as they are still... Unhinged. But the next update isn't just romance, its weapons and insidious cults and fighting, too.  More on that, later.

Thanks for your support, your kind words and for sharing your journey in Ouro. It means the world to me. I’m serious!

[bjorkshire-pudding]

Hi, Valerie. I hope you're doing well. I read your intro/pinned post and got curious. Can I ask why you're moving away from writing for otome games? I found your blog through that and love your writing <3

Hi Anon! 👋🏾

First of all, thank you for stopping by. It makes me really happy to know you enjoy my writing. I've been trying to do a better job of complimenting work that I like, because I know how it feels to have someone say nice things about something you've put a lot of time and feeling into creating. So thank you! 💙🥹

There are a few different factors that influenced my decision to stop writing for otome games. I'm sorry this is going to be such a long answer, but I hope you can stick with me and see it through.

The first, and probably the most influential reason, is that I'm not consuming the media that much anymore. It's been a long time since I've played any of the games with any regularity. Part of that is because I've used some of that time consuming new, different media... but if I'm being honest with you, the other part is that I've simply sort of lost interest. In order for me to be able to enjoy the thing I'm creating about a piece of media, I need to be able to see myself in that world. And I realize that because I was always seeing the world through the eyes of the in-game MC - whom I couldn't relate to on many levels - I wasn't able to fully immerse myself in those worlds the way I know some others can. Which leads me into my second reason.

I have never liked writing in second-person, but when I first started writing for the otome fandom I very quickly learned that that is what people liked to read. I know things have changed recently, but years ago, no one really wanted to read fics written with my self-insert OC (or any other OC). And who could blame them? Again, otome is about the reader being able to immerse themselves in the game, and that's harder to do when you're reading about someone else's character having the experiences. I tailored my writing to fulfil that fandom-wide need for second-person fics, but I never really enjoyed writing that way. And that, my friend, leads me to the third reason.

I was lucky enough to have readers that enjoyed what I wrote and would follow my work, and I am forever grateful for that. But as time went by, I felt that the general mood of the fandom shifted from "we are all sharing what we've created with each other, encouraging each other and interacting with each other's work" to "there are a few writers who seem to get most of the support and attention, while perhaps less popular or newer creators (or even the writers who don't write in a specific style) get overlooked at best and downright ignored at worst." The community started to feel very much like a club, and I was sad to see a lot of the writers I'd become close to who didn't fit into a certain category with their style get discouraged and stop writing because of this. We all know how fanfiction and fanart works: engagement encourages people to continue creating things for the media they love. A person can have a great amount of love for a piece of media, but if there's no engagement with the work they create for it, eventually they will become discouraged and stop wanting to share what they create. Even if you are primarily writing for yourself, there is nothing wrong with wanting to know that others enjoy what you've made. That's human, and don't let anyone tell you it isn't normal or healthy. An environment that lacked that communal engagement and support for everyone, not just a few, wasn't the kind of environment I wanted to create things in, and that put a damper on my motivation to create things for that fandom.

The last reason goes hand in hand with what I said about not solely creating for other people. It was not the most influential reason, but it turned out to be the most important one: I wanted to get back to writing things I enjoyed. Not just things I would enjoy writing, but things I would enjoy going back to read for myself. I wanted to get to the point where it didn't matter that no one else wanted to read fics about my self-insert Black OC, because I enjoyed reading her and was proud of what I'd written. It's a lot easier to do that for a media that has no template. There is no MC to compare my self-insert OC to, and I am not trying to write something that other people can see themselves in. I can write her the way I want to see her, instead of feeling like I have to build her a certain way in order for people to want to read her. It's nice to write about the struggles I have with my hair type and texture, or to incorporate my body shape and size and my skin color into a fic without worrying that my readers won't be able to identify with her. Because I'm assuming that my readers go into my current and future works knowing this female lead is not for them to relate to, it gives me the freedom to write her in a way that I can relate to. And I can tell you that that has been one of the most satisfying, fulfilling, and freeing experiences I've ever had.

My otome works will always be there for anyone who has enjoyed them in the past and would like to continue enjoying them. But I won't be writing any new otome-based works for the foreseeable future - I have other things in the works that bring me more joy to write. I hope you'll stick around for those, but if not I understand! Either way, you are always welcome here, Nonny.

-Val 💙

About Me | My Fics | Ask

[pilgrimtravels]

OOC Intro:

Haha yes it is I, @stace-piiilgrim, back again with another RP blog!

I’ve wanted to make a silly blog for Scott’s parents for a little while now, so I did!

I have completed the Pilgrim family and safe to say, I can make chaos in the family now! (Mostly to Stacey and Lawrence cause I am them both and not Scott and I don’t wanna be a bother)

I wanna have fun here ok? I don’t want any asks about their opinions on Scott’s behaviour cause I got enough of them on Stacey’s. I may not mind them, but they are very repetitive tbh and so here’s what I think:

They aren’t happy with Scott for doing the bad things he’s done, but he’s still their son and they love him no matter what. They aren’t perfect parents, but they aren’t by any means bad parents as I think they do care about their kids a lot and want them to be happy

Expect Scott’s dad to randomly slide into askbox’s telling silly jokes and asking questions. Idk about his mom but I’ll change the pfp to either one of them depending on who I want to technically run the blog for the day

The function of this blog for them is like a travel blog (hence the name). Don’t expect me to actually post anything about them travelling cause as I said, I’d like to be silly here

If anyone wants to make the other parents/older adults (i.e Knives parents and aunt, kims parents, etc.) go on ahead! let’s add more chaos to the Scott Pilgrim RP ask blog community!

As a reminder, all guidelines on @/stace-piiilgrim apply here too. I will not condone any bigotry here and I don’t feel comfortable with NSFW or flirty asks

On another note, since Scott’s parents don’t have canon names, I’ll be using the names from Monica Beetle for them. It’s not confirmed if Vincent and Monica are actually Mr. and Mrs. Pilgrim, but it also hasn’t been denied by Bryan. He did say that Vincent could be Scott’s dad, and that the latter did get into shenanigans in the 70s, so I’m just gonna assume it is him for the sake of simplicity and cause I’m bad with coming up with names

So TL;DR for that last bit: Mr. Pilgrim’s name will be Vincent and Mrs. Pilgrim’s name will be Monica after the Monica Beetle protagonists based on certain things Bryan Lee O’Malley has said and cause I don’t know what else to call them

Once again, taken emoji anon sign offs will be at the bottom. It will be updated whenever a new emoji is taken

Ok bye! Have fun sending asks to these 20+ years married parents! Sorry this post got long but I had some important explanations to do :]

——————————————

Taken Emojis:

[writingmaidenwarrior]

Writblr Introduction

After being around for a month now, it is time for a proper introduction. I am Wynne, your queer 40 years old friendly neighborhood hag with a love for fantasy, sci-fi and romance. I am genderfluid, pansexual and probably aromantic and don't care about pronouns, so I react to she/her, he/him and they/them.

I had been writing since I was little, same with drawing, but whenever life became stressful I stopped with both because I get overstimulated and overwhelmed easy. The last break from writing is now seven years? I think it is seven years, and happened because I got diagnosed inflammatory rheumatism at a young age. Yeah, I also never thought this is possible, but here I am. I have good days and bad days, and thankfully there is a treatment that works.

Coming back to Tumblr happened after I was like: I wanna write again, and my friend @pheita started bugging me to come back to Tumblr and that writblr is in her opinion still the best community even if things changed a lot.

I know, I am a discovery writer and my stuff can be pretty disorganized while I write. (I am not looking into a certain direction with a pleading look for handmade notebooks) With this, you have to deal with me jumping around in my own timeline. I am sorry for this, folks, that's how I am. I also write for fun, because I love creating stuff in every shape or form.

Thankfully, I found a WIP fast, and it is also partially pheita's fault because she told me the idea of a nekomata necromancer and then the flashfic Friday prompt happened and I asked her if it is ok to use her idea, and she was like: yeah, go wild with it. So here we are. I am pretty sure she had a badass character in mind with this, and not what I made of Feyre.

Anyway, "Their Call For Home" is a high fantasy story with multiple POV's about a gang of misfits who happen to get entangled in the politics of the city of Mer'Teval and what the plan of the gods were for the city, only to become the leaders of a rebellion against the tyrannic new king. It has two romance side-plots, a straight and a lesbian one, and comes with found family and accidental heroes. I take some inspiration from Dragon Age, Elder Scrolls and various pen and paper games I used to play that were based on D&D. You can find more here in this intro and masterpost. My other WIP is called "Moon Daughter" and you can find the WIP Intro here. It is a werewolf romance/supernatural romance story about Mika who learns she is a werewolf by birth and also the lost daughter of an alpha whose pack tried to find her since she got born but couldn't until recently. With her father dead after an attack, the pack now needs her to be the leader and she has to learn how to be a werewolf and the pack leader in lightspeed.

Things you can expect from my writing in general:

I don't ignore the facts of life, therefore my characters will endure bad things which means there will be mentions of events like emotional abuse, physical abuse, toxic relationships, neglect, and violence. Don't worry, I will warn beforehand in a post if those things appear

Sex is part of life, and you can bet your phones on me writing NSFW scenes when I see them fit. I am also not fond of too many of them in stories, so you don't need to worry about my stuff being erotica in disguise. IF I write erotica, I mark it as such.

A wild mix of straight and queer couples, and heck, even if the couples might be physiological a male and a female doesn't mean it's straight. You know, what I am talking about.

Found families, family clans, out of the box relationships of all variations, if I feel fancy there might be a play on soulmates

There will always be cats in some shape or form. I love cats

The characters having a varying age from early twenties to mid-forties.

Besides writing, and drawing if you read closely, I love videogames (thanks to my dad I grew up on every damn console that was out there), my little balcony garden, crocheting and knitting even if knitting can be pretty hard in my hands because of the damn rheumatism. I have a thing for viking vibes (you could guess from my username), love Lord of the Rings and plan to turn my apartment into a little hobbit hole one day.

[ash5monster01]

Lessons of You Part 7

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x FemReader

Warnings: fluff, mentions of depression, mentions of smut, broken reader, 18+

Summary: Blake Parker was used to running. When life got hard, she’d run. The idea of sticking around to end up broken was scarier then she’d like to admit. So she hid away, cut all ties, and lived contently on her own. She was done running because no one could find her there. That is until a Navy Pilot runs into her life, and she learns allowing yourself to love can be scary, but hiding from it can be even worse.

a/n: I’m soooo sorry it’s been so long. I dropped that smutty chapter and literally dipped. The Fourth of July is the busiest time of the year for me so I was preoccupied with that but here is the newest chapter. sadly our story is coming to a close, I have a feeling the next chapter will be the last. thank you so much for coming on this journey with me and reading along xx

word count: 1,871

Intro, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Final

Masterlist

It had been two days since Blake had heard from Bradley. She tried not to worry but it was hard. Going from a week of Bradley texting her every chance he got to being in her bed the night before he left, it was hard to go to complete radio silence. She tried to remind herself she knew nothing about the mission. Bradley never once mentioned how long it would be, how many days it could take, how far away it was, nothing. She prayed that it just meant he was still busy and serving his country. She had no other way to contact anyone to make sure he was alive. She kind of knew Phoenix but she didn’t have her number, and she could go back to the Hard Deck but if they had lost someone why would they have any need to be celebrating at a bar? So she waited and prayed that if she ever did recieve word it would be good news.

After her night with Bradley she had texted her Mom informing her she was ready to move back. Her Mom had already found an apartment, searching before Blake had even decided. It was a perfect little place and it reminded her very much of the one she was in now. The minute she gave her Mom the go ahead they got it all worked out, her Dad already fixing things in the apartment that it needed. So now Blake's life consisted of boxes, not many considering she didn't have much, but there was still stuff to be packed and taken with her on her self discovery journey. The idea of being home was exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time. She just hoped that when it was time for her to go Bradley will have returned.

"Almost done packing as we speak" Blake told her Mom over the phone as she looked at the living room stuffed with boxes. Her apartment had come completely furnished so majority of the boxes was clothes, bedding, and some dishware. Considering she did the same thing every day and didn't socialize much that wasn't even a lot either. Majority of the boxes were filled with books. Once she had finished she was surprised to realize what a small mark of hers she had left on San Diego, it was as if she took up no space at all.

"Are you excited, we can't wait to see you" her Mom cheered on the phone and Blake smiled, because she was excited but nerves twinged in her stomach over Bradley.

"Yeah, I can't wait" but her Mom heard it in her voice, and she knew something was wrong. She prayed she wasn't changing her mind.

"It doesn’t sound like it" Blake sighed and pressed a hand to her head.

"I am Mom, I promise. It's just I haven't heard from Bradley and last I knew he was picked for some dangerous mission. I will be more enthusiastic once I know he is safe" her parents knew of Bradley, considering he was the only thing to happen in her life recently that was worth talking about. The attractive Navy pilot with a heart of gold who brought their daughter back to them. They would be forever indebted to him for that.

"I'm sure he's fine sweetheart, he's trained for these type of things and they wouldn't of chosen him if they didnt think there would be a chance of him not coming back home" Blake nodded because she knew her Mom was right, she just needed to hear his voice. One last goodbye with the guy who made her whole again. He was a life lesson she needed, the one she was waiting for. The thing about life lessons though was usually after you learn them you don't need it anymore. That thought terrified her, because Bradley is the only reason she had felt something for the first time in years.

"I know, I just worry that maybe something did happen and not a single soul knows to contact me. Maybe he didn't make it and I would never know and have to come back home wondering whatever happened to the Navy Pilot I kind of fell for" this was Blake's first time admitting to any feelings at all, but Bradley was the first person to make her heart start beating in a long time and she couldn't just leave without knowing if he was okay.

"Blake honey, people are meant to be in our lives for a reason. Whether it's forever or only for one reason. Bradley met you for a reason and maybe you weren't meant to see him again, but it you are you'll know. Now don't worry so much, he is a professional after all" Blake sighed as she said this before nodding despite the fact her mother couldn’t see her.

"I'm gonna finish packing, I'll call you later Mom" Blake told her, not wanting to cry because she knew her Mom was right. Her Mom was trying to not break her heart if Bradley did never return. She would just have to remember him as something good that helped her through a rough patch of her life.

"Okay, be safe" her Mom responded and Blake ended the call uninterested in hearing anymore of letting Bradley go. She just wasn’t quite ready to pretend that the short time spent with Bradley was just that. A small shared moment between two broken people who helped each other learn that life goes on and it is as good as you make it.

It didn't take long to finish packing. She didn't have a lot and once she shut the last box she realized that there was nothing more to occupy her time then worry about Bradley. So even though she had told the publishing company she needed a few days she grabbed her latest shelf read and made her way to the porch to try and finish it. The sound of waves crashing, seagulls cawing, and kids screams from the beach was able to drown out her thoughts as she escaped into a different world. That was until she noticed the male lead in the book was an awful lot like Bradley. Dark and mysterious yet so full of love.

"Here I was thinking you'd be waiting at the door for me, worry all over you face, and instead I find you out here reading. Typical" Blake dropped the book in her hands, whipping around to see the beautiful mustached man standing in her doorway. She must've not heard the front door.

"Bradshaw!" without even realizing tears fell down her cheeks as she rushed towards him, him instantly engulfing her in a hug. "I was so worried, I didn't know what to think or who to call"

"It's okay, I'm here now" he comforted her, a hand running down her back and he instantly felt guilty knowing what had just happened on his mission.

"Was everything successful?" she asked, now backing away and holding his face in her hands.

"Yes, of course there were a few hiccups but we didn't lose any lives" he told her, afraid to tell her the hiccup was him pretty much sacrficing himself. Yet Blake saw all the guilt all over his face, her eyebrows instantly drawing together.

"You almost didn't make it?" she whispered, a thumb pressing out the crease in his forehead.

"Uncle Pete, Maverick took a hit for me and his plane went down. I couldn't just leave him so I went down after him" Blake gasped just slightly, possibilities running through her head like wildfire.

“You could have died” Blake fought the tears that threatened to run down her face, she didn’t want to be upset because he was here now. Right in front of her.

“I know, I know. I wasn’t thinking, just I saw him get hit for me. I thought I was a goner, and then I realized that when he went down for me that was the last family I had and if I didn’t do something I’d never forgive myself” Bradley told her, hands gripping her wrists as he tried to tell her everything was okay.

“Is he okay?” she asked and a smile cracked across his face.

“Yeah, lucky bastard and a little help from Hangman later but we both made it” he grinned at her and she chuckled, just knowing Hangman would hold that over him forever.

“I thought if you died I’d never know, I had no one to contact. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself while you were gone” Blake finally admitted and a tear rolled down his cheek at her confession.

“I gave Phoenix your number, she had specific instructions to call if I didn’t make it and give you any information you needed” Blake drew her eyebrows together in confusion.

“But you went down, they thought you and Pete were dead. She never called” Bradley chuckled through his tears, smile on his face.

“She knew I was still out there, I’m a tough asshole” Blake chuckled and shook her head as she pulled him back into another hug.

“Okay enough death talk, I’m just glad you’re here” she told him and he nodded on top of her head, arms wrapped around her waist.

“I saw the boxes in the living room” he said, immediately noticing the house was emptier than before when he arrived.

“Yeah. I um, found an apartment back home” she said pulling back, her eyes searching his face for a reaction.

“When do you leave?” he asked and Blake sighed, knowing it was too fast, that they only had such little time together.

“Tuesday” Two days. That was it. Two days and then she would be halfway across the country.

“Wow” was all he could bring himself to say, letting the information sink in despite the fact he wanted to pretend she’d be here forever.

“I know we only got a short time together but you taught me that you can lose people at any moment, life is full of regrets, and one of them shouldn’t be staying away from loved ones when you still have a chance to love them” Bradley smiled, happy he was able to give her that. Even if they knew each other for a small period of time, they still learned so much from one another.

“I’m happy I could show you that, you helped me too you know. I probably never would’ve allowed my Uncle back into my life if it wasn’t for you. So now when you leave I still have someone here for me” Blake smiled and hugged the boy tight again, knowing that this conversation felt final. Knowing that despite how hard they try, being across the country from each other wouldn’t keep them together.

“So, what’re you doing for the next two days?” Blake asked, her voice vibrating against his chest and Bradley chuckled, a wide smile spread across his face.

“Spending them with you, if you’ll let me” he told her and Blake smiled, her head tilting up to look at him.

“You don’t have to ask for permission anymore big B”

Taglist: @emma8895eb @aemondssiut

comment if you want to be added to the tag list :))

[whatimdoing-here]

weird personal update under cut, mostly for those who've been around awhile. i guess i can put an intro too.

honestly there are so many new followers here i'm assuming for gif reasons but... like.. sorry guys. it's a fairly rare thing. others do them better and quicker than me for the most part. my poor 7 year old laptop i make them on is a struggle. new person intro to me below, but first let me get to the part where i journal so it's off my chest.

i use tumblr as a journal of sorts. and honestly it's thanks to tumblr in general i started questioning my sexuality when i was in my mid 20s. living in a very white, conservative state - even if you live in a liberal family, that shit just gets ingrained. i was never homophobic or anything, just didn't consider anything other than straight an option. long story short, figured the bi was the best label for me at that time, definitely made me feel better, and more like myself. my partner (husband) was like yeah that's cool all good i support you let me know if you need anything from me and it's been great since.

another... long-ish story in a shorter form... i started struggling the last year or two with all of it again. just feelings and s.x feelings and whatever, a big reason of why i started therapy. basically come to the decision i land on the ace spectrum somewhere. i know much less about being asexual, and it definitely doesn't feel as "good" coming to this realization. i think i probably fall close to the demi- label. but labels and feelings are hard. and since 1) i'm pretty uneducated and 2) no one wants to hear about my sx life, i'm not going to go into things. i just wanted to throw out there that... i'm still figuring shit out. this convo with m was a lot harder, went a lot worse. then there was a better second convo. he's still supportive, it's just harder for reasons that are personal to him so i won't delve into. our relationship is okay, he doesn't want to open our marriage, and not much has changed honestly. i'm still trying to figure out my boundaries, and where my 'am i doing this because i want to or feel like i have to' lines are. it's... not fun. adding to that that if things ever came to the point where our marriage wouldn't work... that completely changes not only my life in a large way, but the kids, and m's. that is the fuckin scariest thing. sexuality discovery would be way less scary if i wasn't scared it will eventually negatively affect people in my life. i'm very much a "i will accept this thing that's not great for me and be quiet to keep the calm and happiness of those around me" in most cases. i don't like taking up space for myself. it's been a rough couple months.

anyway if i had to label i'd go with biromantic, asexual (with some ace labels i may or may not ever figure out)

getting older is a fuckin trip. you think you should know what you want and who you are but no one really knows. and life changes us and we discover more about who we are. for those newbies that are not even 20... your 20s and 30s are great. just... be prepared to shift and change and evolve and be okay with that.

anyway. new folks. i'm alex. i live in the middle of the us. i have two kids (boys, 8 and 5) that... i've been on tumblr longer than either of them have been alive. i work from home in (broadly) a data role within a corporation. i enjoy my work, its flexibility, and just data in general. give me numbers. i've been married for 14 years this june, and i'll be 34 in july.

i watch nwsl and uswnt for sports mostly. working on reading more novels again. obviously my tv obsessions are clear within minutes of looking at my blog. i talk parent stuff too sometimes, it's obviously a big part of who i am, but i'll leave their names and pics off the blog for their safety. i'll show my stupid face here though. sometimes i'll talk about seizures (i have them occasionally, unfortunately, and my brain isn't feeling great right now) and other medical stuff if it's bothering me because this place really is like a journal release for me. i hold some stuff back but yeah. i'll tag with 'personal nonsense' if you want to mute. sometimes i post and delete because i read it again later and decide no one needs to read that shit.

you're always welcome to say hi. i'm fairly harmless, but also keep walls up until i know you better.

uhhh i think that's it. mmmbye

[blorboselfshipping]

AAAA HI SORRY TUMBLR DOESN'T LET ME REPLY TO POSTS ON MY SIDEBLOG T-T

That is so fair about TMNT 2012 LMAO The bits that I've seen (cause I haven't seen all of it but KNOW a lot) I've really liked, but... there are definitely Questionable writing choices lol

Good thing we get to decide what to keep and what to redo 😊

As for my TMNT ships! It mostly revolves around Rise of the TMNT, since that's the one that got me into the turtles in the first place!! The turtles are my brothers, April is my sister, and Splinter is my uncle :D

I technically only have one TMNT OC, and the more I absorb TMNT content like a sponge, I find new ways to make crossovers and stuff, for reasons that are linked to her Lore lmao

And!! Fun fact!! Her name is also Rose!!! Her full name is Roselyn Brooks, but she also goes by Rosie, Ro-Ro, Ro, Rosebud to select family members, and Rise!Leo makes up just about any nickname he can come up with from the first two letters of her name alone lol

I've adored just about everything I've come across, so I'd love to talk with you about it and our self-ships more if you'd like!! - @selinas-ships

HELLO @selinas-ships!!!!! that's totally ok!! I'm so excited to hear from you anyway, especially after those kind words you've said about my tmnt s/i content!!!

Uhhhhhh yeah, me and Jocie talk all day long about their questionable writing choices, i'm literally writing a freaking essay with an included powerpoint about each topic, so stay tuned lmaaaoo!! But you're so right, we can make it anything we want! That's the beauty of self-shipping; direct action! I am going to change SO MUCH with my s/i and the fandom will likely hate it, but whatevs

Rise is such a good intro into the turtles, its definitely the best written so far, they really pulled from fan wishes and desires, the characters are so so good! AND YES! There is so much content to mix together in tmnt, its truly one of my fav things! I love when they reference 2007 Raph having an emo batman phase or the turtles traveling to feudal Japan in the 3rd 90's movie! they all play so well together! I can't wait to see what you do with your OC as you watch more! That's so funny, her name is Rose too!? I can tell she is awesome then haha!! (I love the last name Brooks, thats so GOOD! I use Lockwood for some of my s/i's last names, thats so similar!)

Stop, Ro-Ro is so cute!!! I'd love to see her interacting with her brothers, I can tell they all love each other!!

Same same same!!!! hope you don't mind but I'll definitely be sliding into your dm's to gush about this amazing family!!!

[beautifully-lumpy]

✨ RAMBLY POST ABOUT THE CADDICARUS SPYRO VIDEO ✨

non-spoiler thoughts:

THIS VIDEO WAS AMAZING!!! it was everything i ever wanted and more. i'm an old ancient caddicarus fan from 2014 and oh my goooooddddd i loved this video. i loved it so much. it was beautiful amazing wonderful immaculate i want to marry it. nay, i want to marry the entire goddamn 2020-present caddicarus show.

i can't think of any jokes that fell flat in this episode. like usually there are at least a few that fall flat but this episode was wonderfully written.

it's like...i've been waiting 8 years for this video. there was a point in caddicarus history where we were certain the channel would never hit a million due to the stagnation it was experiencing in the late 2010's. the spyro video was becoming less and less of a possibility...until caddy changed up his content.

this change happened just under a year after i stopped watching, though. for two and a half more years, i kept hesitating and hesitating to watch the newer videos...until he actually hit one million subs. i was sitting in the college library on my first day of junior year when that happened, and i realized at that moment i HAD to return. so i watched the newer videos and was like "holy shit they really are as amazing as they say".

so the spyro video was my first new caddicarus episode since returning to the fandom...and man...i just missed that feeling so much. that wondrous feeling of getting a notification for a caddicarus episode. it's a feeling i hadn't felt in nearly 4 years.

OK BUT LIKE i have so muuuch stuff i wanna do rn. gifs, fanart, edits, etc...like BROOOO. i've fully been transformed back into my teenage self making tons of caddicarus fan-stuff for each new video that drops lmao.

and now for the spoilery thoughts... (this will be very incoherent i'm sorry)

ok but the CAMEOS? genius. if this video was made in 2016 i GUARANTEE he would've dedicated like 2 minutes to each of them, and they would've been saying stuff like "CADDY, PLEASE do NOT play this game, i played this on MY channel and it will CURSE YOU for LIFE!!!". but nope, the cameos lasted like 2 seconds each and almost ALL of them were just them being slightly caught off guard. I LOVE THIS GODDAMN SHOW SO MUCH.

and THE CADDYS RETROSPECTIVES INTRO!! I REMEMBER THAT! I CLAPPED!!!!

and THE BEGINNING CAMEO WITH THE NORMALBOOTS GUYS AND BRUTALMOOSE......crying

it's so funny that the few side characters we saw return in this were spons, baddy, long dennis and sam widge...but we got a shitton of new side characters. AND I LOVE THEMB.......WHEREDIGO MY BELOVED. face face is my new favorite eldritch horror, the COW... and the NEW LONDON COCKNEY CHARACTER WHO PULLED UP TO BEEFY BOYS. i DEADASS thought jim was gonna bring back quick J and was kinda disappointed he didn't jiaowefjoife. but he DID bring back daddy caddy so it's a good compromise.

OH AND WALLACE BIG TOO....AND COUSIN SQUADDY had me laughing my ASS off.

but obviously andrew van is the greatest caddicarus character of all time.

i have lots of favorite bits in this one, like the one where he puts on the clown shoes and kills moneybags. i also loved the one where he greenscreened himself skateboarding, and the return of that bit where he was flying out of the window to katamari music (it was some 2016 video i forgot what it was jsjsjjsjsj), and he ALSO brought back that "just melt it. i'll soak it up. i'll eat it" bit from the spyro orange video. and the SURPRISE MEXICAN BOUNS ROUND...god i'm going to reference this every time i go to a mexican restaurant.

that PUZZLE BIT...jim is such a genius like HOW. HOW does he come up with these things.

and i'm pretty sure that "you have to collect diamonds to FAST TRAVEL???" was a reference to "NOT EVEN THE ARCADE MODE???" from rascal racers

AND I'M NOT SHUTTING UP ABOUT THIS. MATRIX JIM. I WAS CHOKING,,,,

we got some new songs, notably "pink poo bag on your keys" and "i got a million subs". i will have lots of fun learning all the words to these and annoying the hell out of my sister with them.

i hope dead bird of the week becomes a regular thing.

and HOLY SHIT HE JINXED THE REPEAT OF THE CHEESE GRATER INCIDENT. WHY JIM. WHY.

[hotasfahrenheit]

I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED

(no literally Rachael reminded me about this and sent it to me so i could add to the list)

i have SO MANY feelings about kpop and we're gonna cover a pretty wide spectrum of stuff here including some classics that still stand the test of time that you may or may not have heard if you're newer to kpop. all of these groups i recommend more than just these mvs, but these are places to start if they're groups you haven't listened to so let's gooooo

Monsta X

fave song by my fave group first, obviously i'm gonna start here. Monsta X is an insanely talented group and just everything they do is great? they have so many bangers and especially now that they're writing and producing most of their music themselves, they're constantly thinking outside of the box with style and song structure and just. i love them so much and i love this song so much. you literally cannot go wrong with them. they're one of the few groups with multiple no skip albums for me. absolute kings.

Bigbang

wanna talk about groups i have feels about? i already had so many feelings about Bigbang, and GD's new songs plus the performance at MAMA this past weekend have had me crying 3-5 times a day the past few days so we're gonna go with this anthem. Bigbang was my intro to kpop in 2008 and so much has happened and things have changed to say the least but just. the grip they have on me and always will. this song goes hard and has almost 700 million views on youtube as i write this for a REASON.

2NE1

MY QUEENS. no girl group can or will ever top them for me. sorry not sorry. icons. that's all there is to it.

SHINee

i did say i had been a kpop fan since 2008 so you shouldn't be surprised this list is 2nd gen heavy so far. i deeply love a lot of newer SHINee songs too, but View is the jewel in the crown that is SHINee's discography. one of the most talented groups that's ever existed, in all ways- dancing, singing, production, composition, styling, everything.

NCT Dream

you ever hear a song that gently pokes you in a bunch of your emotions including the nostalgic and sad ones but still leaves you with hope and a sense that everything is gonna be better and like the future is bright so it's okay to be optimistic? Broken Melodies soars.

NCT 127

returning to the harder faster heavier beats vibe of the first few songs in this list. 127 covers a pretty wide spectrum of styles like a lot of groups, but this is the stuff i gravitate towards the most so here we are. uhhhh i don't know what else to say about this pick or these boys. i just really love NCT and all parts of it and this song was in my top 5 songs on Spotify last year despite not coming out until October so that should tell you how good it is. yes.

Oneus

Oneus has finally started getting the kind of recognition that they deserve and Luna is the song that cracked that for them. they're masters of mixing traditional sounds with modern kpop styles and have done it more than once. this song is rare in modern kpop also for the fact that the entirety of the song is in Korean without a single English lyric through the whole thing. it's gorgeous.

Onewe

Oneus's brother band (literally, there's a pair of twins split between the two groups) definitely deserves more attention too. their music is fantastic and their vocal blend is top notch, and Dongmyeong (their half of the twins!) plays KEYTAR how could you possibly go wrong?? they let themselves get covered in water for this MV and drowned a bunch of copies of their actual equipment, no nice instruments were harmed in the making of this mv.

A.C.E

do i have a deep love of underrated groups? maybe yes. the styling in this MV is INCREDIBLE, even if the song wasn't phenomenal it would be worth watching it just for the outfits, a stunning blend of traditional Korean clothing mixed with modern cuts, fabrics, styles, and accessories. it's just so cool and everyone looks so good.

WayV

listen i'm sure we could debate on whether or not WayV should be on a list like this but they're part of NCT and they're essentially just a mostly Mandarin singing kpop group. they release a lot of their songs with Korean versions (like Frequency which literally came out today and has only a Korean MV) and they live in Seoul and they perform on Korean music shows and etc. whatever. just listen to Phantom because it's incredible and they're beautiful and this MV is dripping in spooky vibes and luxurious outfits and men being entirely too pretty for their own good.

if you try any of these out and you want more recommendations about a specific group let me know! it was really hard to pick specific songs for this list.

also if you're curious about what's going on with this whole NCT thing and its subgroups (NCT 127, NCT Dream, WayV, and the others i didn't include in this list) then stay tuned to my posts because i'll be posting a redo of my guide to getting into NCT soon!

now go forth and listen and enjoy things! and also, if you want, reblog this with your picks and recommendations and loves! sharing is caring after all 💖🌟

kpop sampler

my dear @auriette was asking about my non-skz kpop feelings, and i have so many of them, so i thought it would be fun to make a little playlist.

i'm sticking with the 10 link limit (which is v hard) but if you also have a lot of kpop feelings, please rb with a song/group rec of your own!

in no particular order:

The Rose (k-rock)

i love them. They are super funny on social media, and their music is incredible. Screaming this song at the top of my lungs fixes me a little every time. Woosung is also a soloist and he's amazing.

WOODZ

This song gives me the shivers.

He also has a cover of Hype Boy that is A+

The duality of man.

I think WOODZ is vastly underappreciated, and i wish more people were as into him as i am.

Ateez

i know i already talked about them a little bit, but i have to do it again because i love them. just a bunch of insanely talented, stupidly hot weirdos. i love that they're all nerds who make legos together and that everyone but hongjoong and jongho have zero concept of personal space. wooyoung and san are medalists in the kiss your homie olympics. (woo is also bffs with changbin and also yeonjun from txt)

i'm still obsessed with this song and this MV. the ateez lore is very intricate and this is basically cinema.

TXT

insane dance skills, super talented, great music. it was hard to pick which song of theirs to include here, but this is defintely a favorite. def check out devil by the window" also.

they collabed with the jonas brothers and anitta and both songs were incredible. yeonjun just released a solo album. more talented goofballs. i love them.

OnlyOneOf

i am obsessed with OOO. they are incredible. they do most of their own choreo, they committed to making their MVs queer af and include messages of acceptance and support for the lgbtq community in the notes for all their videos. they paired themselves up and talk about kissing each other casually.

and they back it all up with high concept MVs, insane choreo, and great music that will absolutley get stuck in your head. picking a song was hard, but this choreo is too iconic

Hwasa

i am obsessed with her. she is also in mamamoo, who are great, but i am currently absolutely obsessed with her cover of lunch. but this song which is a pretty direct call out of the rampant body shaming in the industry is so much fun.

KARD

kard is the only mixed gender kpop group i know of, and we need more.

they are all adults, and their music and MVs are, too. killer dancey tracks. their friendship is a lot of fun.

BM is also a soloist, and has some very explicit horny songs that don't bother with the (barely) innuendo that kard plays with. he's also hilarious on SM, and on the daebak show

Enhypen

they're just good. i love a concept album, and they killed it with this.

Evnne

i love them.

they were all on boys planet, and i love all the groups that formed from that show (i was going to cheat and make a whole playlist of bp groups, but i'm just going to share this one and i'll make a whole separate bp post)

this video and song are just so fun, and they're so good, and i wanted to yell about them.

(all the boys planet boys are also stray kids levels of obsessed with each other, which i appreciate --zb1 is probably the worst-best about this, but they're all super close)

oh gosh only space for one more... ahhhh who to choooose

Blitzers

this is just so much fun

no one really sounds like blitzers. the horns and big band elements are wholly unique and fit surprisingly well. they are super talented and clearly having a good time with what they do, and it's just a good time.

I hope you like at least some of these songs/groups!

(Now, to play by my own rules and not add another ten in a reblog unless specifically asked to do more!)

Please add your favorite kpop/krock groups to share the joy of good music that we can all be super normal about together!

[kryoymir]

Hello, everyone. How are you? It's been... two weeks since Slipstream released? Crazy.

Anyway, today I wanted to talk about the album a bit, some of the deluxe stuff, and the future.

First of all, I want to address the immediate future.

I am planning to release a remix I have been given the okay to release (which I was actually given a while ago and I'm just stupid, sorry!) before the end of the year, although I haven't nailed down the exact release date. This will likely be my last release on Bandcamp.

There's a lot of reasons I could give; the Epic purchase and then sale, the gutting of the staff, whatever. But in reality, it just doesn't make me any money, and it's an extra hassle to do it. It has separate standards for basically everything, which means having to do everything twice for no money. I will, of course, keep the existing music up, so anyone that's purchased it can keep it. But remember, nothing is set in stone.

On that note, let's talk about the future beyond this year. I've been experimenting with some new kinds of music, but I don't see original material surfacing next year. Instead, I aim to work on two things very dear to my heart: my cover songs, and some remixes. I won't spoil anything by talking about it, because usually when I voice things I want to do they don't happen, but I hope you'll enjoy it if and when it releases.

Now, on to the music.

PROMINENCE

The first of several tracks recorded for another project. This one has a very poppy feel and is built largely in Surge, a free VST I picked up towards the end of Kryo2020's recording process. This one undertook minor tweaks for release, namely a new synth towards the climax. The intro sample was just my mic running on my desk. At the time we had fish. The title is an allusion to one of the Great Legions in Accel World, but a prominence is also a kind of solar flare. Or something like that.

SUBSONIC PLAGUE

This was my first time experimenting with music like this. It's an incredibly simple build/drop structure, but I had a lot of fun experimenting with effects and stuff to keep it interesting. The sample at the end is a holdover from the EP it was originally released on, when it transitioned into Prominence. Aside from a new master it is identical to the original version.

STALAGBYTE

If I ever get the chance to score a video game, this is what the cave theme would sound like. That lead synth just makes me think of a big cave system with ice and monsters. But it's pretty upbeat, like the ice areas in Mario games. I tweaked some effects and added a new bass towards the end I don't think anyone is actually gonna notice.

ADVENT

This song existed on my hard drive for years. The only one on this album that can claim to have existed longer is Aerial. For the album version I redid it from the ground up. Something about the sounds in this one are just... Awesome. The lead is Surge but most everything has been replaced with other synths for the album cut. The bridge is one of my favorites. The title and logo were selected because I originally wanted to release it in July closer to my birthday, but that changed when I solidified the release schedule for the album. And I was too lazy to redo it.

KICK IT!

This was another song from the original project. It actually isn't changed at all from the original version because I lost the vocals until recently! They are my own voice heavily effected.

SEVENTEENTH ANGEL

This is a nice little lo-fi styled track. It originally existed in a much more bombastic form, which you can find in the deluxe edition. Ultimately, I settled on this version mostly because I haven't done anything like it before. It's named after a certain character in Neon Genesis Evangelion who I won't name because it's kind of a massive spoiler.

AERIALV23

This song started life way back in 2019! After Act III wrapped I started working on this one, but couldn't do anything with it so eventually I shared the files in a discord server which lead to the version with SuperN0va. I decided to completely redo it for this album as a way to challenge myself, but also to prove to myself I have actually grown as an artist in the four years since.

ADMINA

This is a very sad song because I can't help myself. It's a rerecording of a track you can find on the Noise LP. The effects went through a lot of revisions. The title is a reference to both Sword Art Online and a song off Kryo2020, The Star King Rises. Admina is a celestial body named by the Star King.

BLACK LOTUS

I've talked about this song enough, honestly.

CHROMOSPHERE (PROMINENECE REPRISE)

The grand finale!

Is what I would like to say but this song is actually a very mellow piece. Taking the main melody and chord progression and running through them on some atmospheric keys, this song is probably the most important to me from an emotional standpoint. It was used as the album teaser for a reason. If you've listened to the song in full (and I have access to numbers that show at least a few people have) you'll find a neat little bonus on the end- a new, atmospheric version of The Return. I recorded this as a nod to my longtime fans that made it my first song to break 1000 on Spotify as well as a declaration of intent: I am returning to original music and will continue making it for the foreseeable future.

Now, on to the deluxe edition tracks. You can listen to all of these for free on Bandcamp without having to buy the album.

THE RETURN V23

Just like it says on the tin, this is a rerecording of The Return in a more dedicated format to the original. I didn't include the percussion pattern because honestly it was stupid to filter it and pan it all the way to one side.

KICK IT! DEMO VERSION

This is also exactly what it says on the tin. It's a file I found on a flash drive when I was digging for the vocals. It's an instrumental, probably because I either exported it without vocals for a reason or simply had yet to add them. It's noticeably faster.

CITRUS DREAMS [17TH ANGEL ALT VERSION]

This is the original version of Seventeenth Angel, with big pounding cinematic drums (yes they're the same ones from Kick It! leave me alone), a quicker pace, and some pretty cool sounds. Pretty sure I named it this because I made it almost entirely in Sytrus.

WHEN I LOOK IN HIS EYES

This is about as undoubtedly upbeat as I ever get. I don't really know what the origin of the title is, I think it just sounded nice. As you can probably tell, this is an unfinished outtake. I couldn't really figure out how to keep it going, and eventually grew a little displeased with it, so it was relegated to bonus track status.

THGRFN [BLACK LOTUS DEMO]

This is the 2020 demo complete with insane dubsteppy breakdown. This is a bonus track on the Bandcamp edition of Soulfire but I added it in so you could see the origins of the song in case you don't feel like buying Soulfire.

BLACK LOTUS [2023 DEMO]

This is probably the midway point between ThGrFn and Black Lotus's final edition. I changed up the verses and made some other various tweaks to this version to turn it into the one you hear today.

CHROMOSPHERE [ALBUM TEASER MIX]

This is a straight export of the version I used for the album teaser video. It's got a hihat count-in and some slightly different effects but otherwise is just a shortened version of the song.

CONCEPT 11120

Man I'm gonna be honest, I don't know what this is! I found the WAV on a flashdrive and it had no title other than Outtake so I decided to just put it on. It's definitely from the original SoC but past that I can't remember anything on it.

BLACK LOTUS [BREAKCORE REMIX DEMO]

There isn't much to say about this song. I had some breakbeat samples. I decided to try a new version of Black Lotus. Maybe I'll finish it someday.

Now, to some of the rejects.

I had originally wanted to include some remakes of some older tracks as a treat for fans, but they fell through for various reasons.

LOST

I actually got pretty far with this one. Ultimately it's been left unfinished because I'm just not sure how to improve on it without stripping the track of it's identity. I mean, it's six and a half years old at this point, it's a little hard to mess with it in my mind.

NIGHTLIFE

I've barely done shit with this one. I don't like it.

BRUISED

This is one I had high hopes for. Thanks to the advent of some pretty cool technology, faking electric guitars has come pretty far. The idea was to make it sound as close to a real rock song as possible, but the issue is that the main riff is off-key, and any attempts to make it in-key result in it sounding off. Also I dunno how to do the drums.

STRATOSPHERE

This has long been one of my favorite songs, and while I do plan to rerecord it at some point, now isn't the time.

Anyway, what do y'all think? Let me know

[mood2you]

Blog 6 Writing, Reading, Listening and Learning

Felt alright this week, and it went by quick. Went to the pool, it was really nice, and I hope it stays open longer. Been working on Fallen Angel and Ozymanzous. The hard part about writing sometimes it getting everything to fit, plot and motivations wise. Also having a draft where you just put every snippet you think of in the order you think of it, while it's important to write stuff down when you have an idea, disorganization can be so distracting.

Playing video games less. One of my mods on Stardew broke. Listening to Pokemon Mystery Dungeon music now, frustrated there's so many games and OSTs it's hard to find the one I want.

Happy September.

I've been reading again, I'm reading "Listen to the Marriage" by John Jay Osborn and trying to take notes as if it wasn't a fictional novel. But, a novel could be just as well since it's for Fallen Angel, it can show pacing and stuff for an audience. A lot of books like this are about the person being counseled, and so will mine, but it makes the therapist look really simple, the way a middleschooler views their history teacher and can't imagine having multiple periods of classes. A lot of middleschool teachers are careful to have their classes synched exactly, I'm sure, but in small schools you will be teaching 6, 7, and 8 which means 3 completely different courses. This is what therapists do, right down to the glorified baby-sitter part, except probably 6 courses. Osborn's story only exists for an hour each week in her office, all she thinks about is the couple she's working with (whoa re unreliable narrators) and her grief for her mother. Which is probably enough to have on your plate. Locked-door stories are interesting. I also started watching this series about a seriously Freudian guy (what's the point of harping on mommy-issues, can I fix it now, can I change the past?) reacting, sorry, he's not some guy he's a therapist, reacting to Showtime's Couple Therapy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUItaloRvoQ Also a note to content creators, hyperlink your links, you will see more clicks. The problem with all my studying, of course, is, it's fake dating and fantasy, it doesn't really matter what the wizard asks, they're not going to get a straight answer, only poke holes in a silly lie. I wonder if real therapists ever get rich people just taking the piss. I think there was a fake dating couple counseling movie, but the closest to a book I've seen is The Rosie Effect, where he gets his friend to pretend to be his spouse for counseling-in-leui-of-jail because telling her about all of it would "stress her out too much" and it's a captivating train-wreck. I would tell them to renew their vows if I thought they'd just met at a bar. The problem is, if they're not taking the piss but rather lying to each other, or not listening, making up a double-life, covering up a double-life, or just are that un-intimate that they don't seem to know each other well, they will think you are an un-serious therapist who cannot help real people.

I'm having a problem with my plan to stop unhauling books that I haven't read: I'm about full-up on books, I still shop a little, and if I move soon I cannot move ALL of these things. Reblogging a post about "you don't have to be "productive" just read to enjoy your spare time" but but but. I read physical. I have a little room for this floating stack, but I don't know how to organize it. I started rereading my favorite book from last year, Woman no. 17, one of the few books I've read but kept.

I also started "Intro to Stoicastic Modeling 3rd edition" which boasts that this edition is more in-depth and less intro-y than the others, which is annoying to me because I don't know how to read textbooks and now you're telling me I should track down edition 1? Anyways, I was sort of thinking about sociology (you hear stochastic in the news when it's discussing motives for man-made violence) then I was afraid it would be that chemistry thing stoiciometry, but it's really the study of all random relationships that influence each other, it boasts it's about math, sociology, psychology, and business leadership. The first example is about cheating at flip-a-coin. If anyone has tips for reading a textbook as an adult, let me know. Probably "just pretend it's a 200 page science/technology book."

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Nyx

Nyx is a primordial goddess and the Greek personification of Night - the mother of Hypnos, Thanatos, Nemesis, and many more. She's a mysterious figure in their mythos as there's little surviving info about her cult. What is known, however, is that she was portrayed as beautiful, powerful, and feared by Zeus himself.

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus, Demeter, Athena, Hades Pt. 2, Poseidon, Ares, Hestia, Nyx

Lucifer 

What happens when you take a being born from the darkness and place them in a realm of eternal night…?

The answer came when the MC first stepped out of the portal. Everyone in the room was wholly expecting a normal-looking, confused human they could get up to speed, however…

The MC's skin suddenly darkened until it was as black as a shadow, their clothes levitated around them as if they were defying gravity, and glimmering speckles dotted their skin like twinkling stars.

Even their eyes turned a pure, glowing white without irises or pupils… Like two crowning stars locked into a body made from the shimmering night sky...

They weren't human. At the time, Lucifer wasn't even sure he could say what they were... Breathtaking, certainly, but there was something else about them that he couldn't place… something… foreboding...

Diavolo must have had the same unease because Barbatos was put in charge of monitoring them. The butler would send reports to them both and the results would range from benign to nerve-racking...

They kept their distance from his brothers and most people, but their power seemed immense... Barbs would report seeing them making small items float or summoning a meteor shower from their fingertips!

Lucifer ended up actually tasting their powers only once. When they stepped in to protect Beel and Luke and he went to attack them…

The whole House began to shake and the candles of the tomb started going out one by one as the air grew intolerably heavy... He could have sworn he saw a vortex of… something... swirling at their feet...

He backed off immediately and Beel and Luke got off with a warning, mostly because he was trying not to look utterly petrified...

He's never met a more beautiful and dangerous creature in his life… Pact mark or no, this is probably the only person the firstborn will admit he never wants to have to fight because he'd lose, big time.

Mammon

He was expecting to find a human when he walked into the Student Council room, not an alien!!

Mammon was seriously scared of the MC when they first met because he legitimately believed they were an extraterrestrial sent to probe him!!... Or whatever else those scary movies say aliens do, lay eggs in his stomach?

He straight up avoided them like the plague until the Goldie incident more or less bound them together. But even then there was a distance between them he just couldn't place…

Naturally, it bothers a demon a bit if their master doesn't seem to like them, so he eventually cornered them one day to force them to tell him why they'd been running off!

As it turned out, the MC actually knew as little about their new form everybody else! They had been perfectly normal in the human world, but for some reason the Devildom supercharged them! They could tell that they were powerful, but had no idea how to control themselves yet and it scared them...

So Mammon became their first unofficial "coach." Not that he knew how to train them or anything, but he was the first person supportive enough to even try to help them learn their new powers.

It led to some… interesting misadventures. Like when the MC unexpectedly burst every water pipe in the House or when they got a little too frustrated and ripped the kitchen apart with an accidental twister, but hey, Mammon was always there for them at least.

Of course, because he's who he is, he's not above asking the MC to help him with his schemes for "training purposes…" Infiltration is more fun if you're weightless, after all!

Speaking of weightless… His favorite way to float is when the MC gets excited and hugs him. They can't help but levitate them both off the ground when they're that happy and it makes the whole hug that much sweeter.

Leviathan 

It's… it's like he's in his very own Magical Girl anime!!! Uh, "I'm a Demon and this is My New Life with a Magic Starchild!!"-or something like that. 🤷‍♀️

He didn't even think their transformation was real when he first saw it! He really thought it was an elaborate body art cosplay but then their "freckles" rearranged themselves when he frightened them, so it had to be real!!

He'll declare that they're probably (literally) the coolest thing on the planet. They have the looks of an epic fantasy character plus insane powers to boot! 

…though uh… they may need a training arc or two to learn how to control them… 😅

Since their powers are apparently tied to their emotions, Levi's seen them do a whole bunch of stuff that's not entirely on purpose... Like, they can make things float when they're happy and push everything down when they're sad. 

So once he showed them one of those "tragic ending" animes for fun, but they cried so hard that they increased gravity and accidentally sent his bathtub crashing into the basement…

The worst of it is when they're mad, though. He made the mistake of making them play a rage game once and they ended up shattering all the glass in his room! His aquarium wall and Henry's fishtank included!!

They were able to make a zero G sphere of water in order to save Henry's life, but the cleanup was brutal… They were super sorry, but Levi took most of the blame himself anyway.

Honestly, he'd have been more mad but their body is clearly not something they can control just yet. Plus, it's so cool that he can put up with a little destruction anyway, you know?

Satan

Well, isn't that an interesting phenomenon?

Meeting a demigod is exciting enough, but one who reacted to the Devildom like that? It was pretty much unheard of!

Though he'd hate to admit it, Satan stalked the MC just as closely as Barbatos for a little while... But only because he was a little unsure of how to approach them…

They kept to themselves and their powers seemed "a little" unpredictable (see Levi's orphaned bathtub). Thankfully, Mammon ended up recommending the MC to him since Satan's one of the smartest guys around.

Satan made a better coach than Mammon, anyway. He was far more knowledgeable and actually able to hypothesize the strength their powers, which came in handy because uh… well…

Look. The whole realm 'ooohs' and 'ahhhs' over their appearance but they're all fools - no morons - for not noticing what potential the MC actually has. Satan was positive that the MC is the most powerful being in the Devildom, without question.

They had a complete control over gravity, atmospheric pressure, and even astronomical bodies… If they wanted to, they could literally pluck a planet out of orbit and send it careening into who knows what!

Want more terrifying? They could create near-matterless vacuums at the palms of their hands with the potential to suffocate, crush, or rip apart basically anything they wanted with implosive force….

Does he even need to spell out why that's utterly horrifying??

At least the MC seemed to be a genuinely nice person who wanted to control their powers better… Their emotions often got in the way but they tried their best.

He likes the MC a lot, but he'd be lying if he said that they didn’t also terrify him… They may have been pretty normal in the human world, but give them endless night and they may as well be a god...

Asmodeus 

Oh… My… Father!!! They're GORGEOUS!!!!

From the moment their transformation completed, Asmo had never seen anything like them! He said that they were like a living droplet of the night sky!

They were magnificent!! They were radiant!!! He was posting pictures of them before they had even said their first sentence!!

So Asmo was pretty much patient zero for any and all rumors and hype about the MC after that... Apparently someone like them only visits the Devildom every one, maybe two, centuries so everybody was bound to get talking.

Thankfully, the MC's habit of ducking out of the House kept them from becoming a full on sideshow. Unfortunately, however, Asmodeus was relentless!

He'd beg them to try modeling or make videos with him because of their unique look! He'd lay on the praises, but it was a little... much. It wasn't until Mammon finally stepped that he backed off a bit.

Asmo sometimes forgets that not everyone puts as much emphasis on looks as he does... Though he meant well, he hadn't realized that the MC maybe wouldn't appreciate him making such a big deal out of their appearance change. Pretty as it was, it was still involuntary to them...

Of course, after they told him this he cooled off and stopped putting them out there so publicly but even still he could hardly keep his eyes off of them... unless he was looking in a mirror, of course. 😘

A fun fact about the MC: when they blush, their skin makes a pink nebula. And thanks to his antics, Asmo has seen their lively pink cheeks many, many times… 🤭

Beelzebub 

Belphie would like them, wouldn't he...?

Beel's first reaction upon seeing the MC was genuine sadness, as seeing the stars with his twin brother still gone often brought him… 

The sadness didn't last too long at least because Beel tried his best to see the MC more like a person than a work of art or an oddity. Sure, they looked different - like really different - but they still laughed, cried, and ate like everybody else so they couldn't be that different.

Though then again, most people don't end up floating in midair when they laugh… Eh, oh well. It's not like those little details bother him. 🤷‍♀️

He always remained certain that Belphie would like the MC so he told them a lot about him. Since his twin loved stargazing, it'd only be natural that he'd like someone who looked like the stars, right?

Aside from the occasional tangent about his brother, Beel would also help the MC with their training by letting them help him with his training!

Controlling gravity can be pretty nifty for strength/resistance exercises, so there would be days where Beel would just pull a Dragon Ball and walk around at 1.5 or 2 times Earth's gravity thanks to having the MC on his back!

Sure, lifting a glass of milk becane so difficult that he literally broke a sweat from trying, but he felt like he can juggle motorcycles afterwards so who's complaining? Not him!

Belphegor 

……

………….

Was it some kind of joke?

The MC was not human. There was no way in heaven or hell that whatever he lured to the attic was supposed to be a human!!

Really, everything about the MC and their situation seemed directly designed to throw a monkey wrench into his plans...

One: They weren't human so how was he supposed to ruin Diavolo's dream? Two: They were clearly some kind of magical being so they could likely defend themselves…

But third ans most embarrassing of all... he honestly, genuinely, has never seen a more amazing person in his life. Blame it on his soft spot for the stars, but the moment the MC step up to his prison bars, he was smitten...

And. He. HATED IT!

Look, as much as he loved the night sky, he wasn't about to let some random non-human derail his anger! He was stronger than that!

He managed to hold onto his bitterness just long enough to make a halfhearted attempt on their life after they got the door open, but uh…

His brothers found Belphie when he fell through a newly-made hole in the ceiling... Said hole was made when his body slammed to the ground hard enough to crash through the attic floor... 😣

If the damage they caused wasn't enough to change his mind (which it was), then their distress when they thought they might have hurt him certainly did. Even their tears looked like stardust...

After far too long, Belphie got over his denial and began to properly love MC. If he liked stargazing before, he adored it now because he never even has to get out of bed! He can just roll over and follow the "stars" on the MC's body!

Unfortunately, that same love means it also takes a lot to ditch him if they get sick of being his personal night's sky… The brothers have found him floated up and sleeping on the ceiling on numerous occasions so the mortal can get some fresh air (clever MC)...

[ptergwen]

hi val can you maybe write something about the reader being dared to kiss peter/tom/arvin (you choose) since her friends knew that she has a big crush on him, but once she did he seems disinterested after which makes her sad, but what she doesn't know was after she kissed him, he practically runs to his friends freaking out that the girl he's had his eyes on this whole time just kissed him??

kiss and tell

w/c: 1.8k

warnings: like one swear and awkwardness

a/n: yeeee i went with peter! this is adorable :,)

“i can’t!” you scold betty and her annoying smirk. you’re bored at lunch, so liz suggested the three of you play truth or dare. you’d made the mistake of choosing dare. in your defense, betty is the nosiest person in all of midtown, so you thought you were dodging the bullet and guarding your deep dark secrets. how could you have known she’d make you do... this?

“that’s so, like, forward. he’s gonna freak out.” you glance over at peter’s table to see what he’s up to before you possibly scar him. he’s laughing along at a heated conversation ned and mj are having. the way his face lights up, and his eyes crinkle as a smile crosses his features, it gives you butterflies throughout your whole body.

“in a good way,” liz grins her most charming grin at you. it’s not working this time. you roll your eyes up to the ceiling. “i thought you liked him,” betty huffs, gesturing over to peter and keeping her eyes on you. “all you do is talk about how he’s so cute and smart, and his lips look so soft-“ “i never said that!” you look at her with wild eyes. liz bites her lip to hold in a laugh. “the last part, i mean,” you clarify in a murmur.

liz puts a hand on you and pats your shoulder knowingly. “you’ve probably thought it, though. i’ve seen you checking them out.” there have been quite a few times your gaze has landed on peter’s lips, watching them curve while he talks to you about some new science theory he’s excited to share. you end up zoning out and pretending you retained any of what he said. betty puckers her own lips at you.

“you wanna kiss him,” she insists in a sing song voice, resting her chin on your other shoulder. “i’m doing you a favor.” “you’re really not gonna change the dare?” you sigh, your friends leaning on you in support. liz taps your cheek. “so, you don’t wanna kiss him?” “there’s no way,” betty comments from your side. “no, i...” you start, focusing in on peter again.

he meets your eyes across the cafeteria. his smile fades slightly, then a shy one is replacing it, ned dragging him into his and mj’s debate. you turn back to liz and betty.

“i do, but do you think he wants me to?” you ask them both, and they share a you have to be kidding look. “only one way to find out.” liz gives your shoulder a nudge. betty beams at you. “i triple dog dare you now, so you have to.” considering your options, you bounce your leg up and down. you’ll either get the nicest rejection ever from peter or a kiss back. you can handle this.

“ok, i’ll do it,” you decide, betty clapping her hands and squealing. liz throws an arm around your neck. “yay! i love love.” “let’s calm down,” you giggle so she doesn’t get too carried away. you and peter haven’t even established that you like each other. “i’m calm, i’m calm. do you need to borrow chapstick?” she offers, betty simultaneously pulling a tube out of her purse. “or lip gloss?”

you’re appreciating their over involvement now.

“both,” you breathe out, letting them get you ready for your big kiss.

liz and betty send you good luck wishes in a hushed tone while you make your way to peter’s table. mj went to get a snapple, and ned went with her so they could continue whatever argument they’re in. that left peter by himself. it’s almost like this is meant to happen.

“hi,” you greet peter, making him look up at you with raised eyebrows. he notices right away that your lips are shiny, more so than usual. a color that you always seem to bring to his face takes over his cheeks. “hey. you wanna sit?” he gives you a small smile. you return it. “yeah, sure. thanks.” instead of taking the bench across from him like he assumed you would, you find your place next to him.

he doesn’t mind.

“how’s your day been?” you wonder, body turned towards him while he answers. peter scrunches his nose. “kinda busy. i got so much homework in spanish tonight, and i’ve been putting off this essay about...” you do the thing you do every time he goes off on a sort of tangent, watch his lips. lucky for you, that’s the whole point today. “i don’t know. all i have so far is the intro-“

you cut peter off with a kiss. liz and betty cheer to each other the second it happens. peter doesn’t move, only freezes up as you press your glossy lips to his and grab his shoulders. it takes a few seconds for you to realize he’s not kissing back. his arms are stiff at his sides, eyes wide in shock. absolutely humiliated, you pull back, moving as far away as you can.

“fuck, i’m sorry. i should’ve asked you first,” you apologize, voice shaking. you’re already getting to your feet. peter blinks a few times, grounding himself back in the moment. “no, no. it’s okay. i-“ “that was weird, i know. you don’t have to lie or make me feel better.” he furrows his eyebrows, in a way that seems regretful even though you’re the one who messed up. “i’m trying to tell you, y/n. it’s fine. we-“

ned’s voice fills the room, making you snap your head in his direction. him and mj are coming back. you need to get out of here before you embarrass yourself even more.

“i’m gonna go. i’m sorry,” you mumble out, running back to your table, where liz and betty are instantly asking what’s wrong and if you’re alright. peter licks his lips that are now coated in your gloss and clenches his jaw. he’s pissed. not at you, at himself. it’s clear because mj brings attention to it when she sits down.

“what’s up with your face?” she narrows her eyes at him, popping the cap on her snapple. ned elbows peter in his spot next to him. you were just there less than a minute ago. “you okay, dude?” he checks. “no.” peter closes his eyes in frustration. “what’s wrong?” ned kicks mj’s foot under the table so she’ll stop making out with her drink and help him.

“i... y/n kissed me,” peter admits, sounding oddly upset about something everyone knows he’s been hoping would happen. “she what?” ned gawks. “isn’t that a good thing?” mj points out. “you love her.” “like her,” peter corrects and chews the inside of his cheek. “whatever. shouldn’t you want her to kiss you?” she takes another sip of snapple, passing this off to ned.

“yeah...” is all ned says. he awkwardly rubs peter’s back while mj tries not to snort. “that’s not the problem. i didn’t kiss her back, and she took it as me not being into it,” peter shakes his head as he recounts your weird moment. “which i was,” he tells them for the record. ned makes a funny face at him. “so why didn’t you kiss back?” “no shit she ran away,” mj mutters to him. she saw that part.

“because i wasn’t expecting it!” peter frowns at his friends’ reactions and at what he did. “you guys know how much i like y/n. i can’t believe i screwed this up so bad.” mj squints in mock confusion. “i can.” she quickly drops her sarcasm for encouragement after that. “ok, seriously. just go find her and apologize.” “maybe kiss her this time,” ned chimes in.

“if she really likes you, she’ll get it.” mj smiles genuinely, nodding back at your table. ned gives him a push forward. “you got this, dude. come tell us all about it after.” a rush of confidence enters peter from their advice. he’ll fix this. “thanks, guys. here i go.” he shoots up from the table, ned and mj getting back into their debate once he’s out of sight.

betty is hugging you way too tightly when peter gets over there. she goes on about how much peter sucks, overcompensating because she’s the reason you kissed him. you only hum in response. you don’t have the heart to tell her you blame yourself. only liz notices peter come over, so she talks on your behalf. “oh, hey,�� she says drily. “hey. can i talk to y/n?” peter gets out, twiddling with his thumbs nervously.

she has to decide if she’d rather go into protective friend mode or let him. from your unenthusiastic responses to betty’s hate rant, she figures you’d like to hear him out.

“come on, betty,” liz takes her arm suddenly, betty trying to pull it back. “what? why?” “i’m gonna buy you ice cream. let’s go.” that’s her cover. peter shoots her a look that says thank you, liz pressing her lips into a line and dragging betty along. betty sees peter standing in front of your table and glares at him, liz walking faster. you don’t get the chance to ask them where they’re going because they leave so fast.

the bench dips down on one side of you, making someone’s prescense known. you’re surprised to find it’s peter. you talk first.

“if you’re gonna apologize, don’t. it was my fault-“ “you never let me finish earlier,” peter interrupts, the hint of a smile on his face. his clammy hand links with one of yours. “what were you gonna say?” you ask quietly, peter threading your fingers together. your heart is racing at the simple touch. “that i like you,” he replies at the same low volume. “and, that i wanted to try again.”

he’s sitting a lot closer to you than you realized. you welcome it, your hands in between you two on the bench. “i like you too... try what again?” you question, although you hope and pray it’s what you think. “kissing,” peter says what you were hoping and praying for. “wasn’t ready the first time.” you’re about to go into cardiac arrest as he rests his forehead on yours, curls brushing your face. a few broken up breaths escape him.

“can i?” he nearly whispers, warm hand still gripping at yours. “yeah,” you agree before your eyes flutter shut. he wastes no time, parting his lips and brushing them against yours gently, you reciprocating. he kisses as sweetly as he is, his free hand on your cheek and fingers careessing your skin. your other hand ends up on the back of his neck. you grin against him, lips detaching momentarily so you can engage him in another kiss.

peter doesn’t hesitate to kiss back this time, nose nudging yours as he moves in more. you tug on some hair at the nape of his neck and laugh into the kiss, reminding him you’re in school. he pulls back with a chuckle, but keeps his forehead on yours and your hands in each other.

“sorry. got too excited,” he laughs out, you leaning into his open palm. “i told you don’t apologize.”

liz and betty joined ned and mj at some point. the four of them are whistling at you and yelling out suggestive jokes. they’re too much. but, to be fair, you owe this all to them.