#//have a decade of journals | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chteretree · 8 months ago

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This has been rattling around in my head for the past month.

Also it’s been over a decade since the last time I drew an axolotl!!

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writermuses · 2 years ago

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It was almost impossible for Duke to wrap his head around what Finley had said. Could time really make what they had seemed so simple so inconsequential to the people they were? His happiest memories were with her, as were the hardest points of his life. "When you left, I respected that. I may not have called, texted, or begged, but that didn't mean I didn't want to. You've always been the person I want to talk about everything with. The highs, the lows."

Pushing off of the kitchen counter, he walked down the short hall to the room they'd left unplanned, the one he'd hoped they'd make into a nursery some day. There it was, though, that glaring reason for the separation. His brilliant best friend was destined for bigger things and he wanted the small town, picket fence, come home to the wife and a baby life. Reaching into the closet, he grabbed a small box, then moved to their bedroom and picked up a book with a pen tucked in the pages. Duke knew he'd held on too tightly, but here he was dropping it all in front of her in his living room. "I did that because all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I don't know how to move on from being in love with my best friend. I don't want to know how to do that, that seems fucking miserable... I'll tell you this though, if you really think that marrying a person that doesn't know you is a good idea, that a relationship with secrets is the way to happiness, then you're not the girl I love anymore. The way I always saw it, Finley, was that we fought because this is worth fighting for."

Duke looked at the engagement ring again, his thumb instinctively brushing his own wedding band. "I had to believe that you'd come home, that a love like ours would find a way to work itself out. We both had growing up to do. I'm not the same person that's wholly immovable. You left and I learned the hard way that what I thought I wanted didn't matter if it was a future without you." Swallowing he backed away, "Anyways, that's yours. I need a minute." Heading toward the bedroom once more. The walls seemed to be closing in around him and his chest felt tight. Rubbing his knuckles against his sternum, at collapsed onto the edge of the bed before putting his head between his knees, baffled and breathless.

The relief that comes as the ring is presented lifts the weight from her chest, selfishly easing the guilt until she meets his eyes. It has been long enough that Finley would not consider herself particularly skilled at reading him, but the change in Duke's expression is immediate, and she can't bare to keep his eyes for more than a moment. "'Us'? It was so long ago. What was there to tell?" In fact, their marriage feels like it was a lifetime ago. Finley has worked so hard to undo everything about who she was back then. Look at her now: the shiny ring, the designer bag, and the matching outfit. "He doesn't know that I--that we were married," she says, closing the ring back in her palm and lowering both hands to her lap.

Her eyes follow him across the room as he paces from one side to the other. It's all she can do as she scrambles for something to say. This was never going to be easy, but this is the man she had planned to build a life with. Hurting him was never part of the plan. It's why this news had to come in person rather than in the form of divorce papers delivered through the mail. "You know it's not about the ring." Shifting in her seat, Finley wrings the chain through her fingers. "I'm happy, Duke. I'm--I mean... hopefully, you're happy and moving on too. It just... it feels like it's been a long time coming."

#erstwhles #ref: duke x finley #thread: duke x finley 01 #//dear god dont match length #anxiety tw #panic attacks tw #//have a decade of journals #//have 365 x 10 love letters to his wife #//have all the things he wanted to say but kept away for her happiness

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nenoname · 2 months ago

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can't get over ford being so proud of his depiction of weirdmageddon that he keeps drawing it over and over again and him going through the extra effort to draw expressions in the blackboard version of people falling in a ravine

but also ford drawing this right after weirdmageddon begun when he wasnt sure if he was going to survive, only for it to be destroyed a few hours later

#truly his version of 'drawing the same character facing 3/4 to the side over and over again'#and of course he didn't put bill in the journal pics that stan had lmao #stan being left in the dark about bill for decades....#ford pines #stanford pines #art development is going 'no the cracked earth should be more crumbly'#'i have to draw the water tower and church and trees and more fire!!'#the aspect of ford being an artist is important!!!#always thinking about him being proud of his plaidypus drawing despite #going through his mental breakdown and being tormented by bill at the time #and he's right!!! the plaidypus picture is super cute #.....was a part of ford disappointed that his ravine predictions were wrong lmao #all his art during his breakdown really is 'i am losing my grip on reality i can't trust anyone i am losing my mind.... but #i'd be damned if this stops me from drawing!!!!'#truly an icon

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bmpmp3 · 1 year ago

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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs

#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review #but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you #AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun #when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides #(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc #and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely #interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important #but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by #the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries #just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours #if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they #think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu #hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade #play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice

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significant-narratives · 7 months ago

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wake up babe new joseph woll athletic article dropped

#sorry in advance for the format change my laptop was testing me today. going to add alt text in a bit!#the part about him spending more time in toronto and trying to figure out where he wants to settle made me so emotional?#people have been coming to toronto and finding their own ways to make it a place they can call home for decades and it means so much to me #joseph woll #team: toronto maple leafs #sports journalism

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jamiebluewind · 3 months ago

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Today has been one of those "Sorry! I couldn't hear you over the texture of my socks" days.

#autistic #actually autistic #audhd #it's so embarrassing!!!#like yes i care and yes i was listening but also no i have no idea what you just said #getting diagnosed gave me permission to admit what's REALLY wrong and also do shit outside social norms to make it suck less #but it also makes me look “weird” to non autistic people (and past me who wasn't diagnosed til my 30s)#I can remember past me saying that I couldn't be autistic because I don't do [thing] (I was powering through and suffering)#It's like... I have a mild allergy to a couple foods but didn't know for YEARS so I'd eat whatever and either suffer or take benadryl #then well into adulthood one of my friends was listening and was like DUDE YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO THAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME!???#doctor had me change my diet DRASTICALLY but the constant itchiness and sore throat and stomach pain went away #but sometimes people act weird or put out when I ask questions or refuse food #sometimes people lie and say a food is safe when it's SUPER not and then I'm having an allergic reaction on the way home #my body is permanently damaged because of decades of trying to eat like everybody else #meanwhile my mental health took that hit from decades of trying to ACT like everybody else #I'm sooo much happier now with my safe foods and silly fidgets and good textures AND I can live an active life!#but sometimes people give me funny looks when I ask for the grill to be cleaned or don't like a new shirt because it makes me anxious #hell the other day a dude gave me a weird look (and I overheard shit they said) because I HAPPY STIMMED at Hot Topic (Hazbin merch)#meanwhile my friends love my stimming because its the “Jamie barometer”#my (best friend's) mom says the biggest compliment to her cooking is when she can hear me foot tapping under the table #so... yeah #a diagnosis is permission to be me and have a better life at the cost of dealing with assholes because I'm not masking or lying anymore #bluewind talks #holy journal entry batman!#did NOT intend the tags to turn into... whatever the fuck this is XD #but if for some reason you read this far? I hope you found something in it that made you think or made you smile (if not hi anyway! ^_^)

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andrasta14 · 2 years ago

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~ my journal collection ~

#or uh at least some of it 😅#I've spent the whole evening looking for some fancy shower hooks I bought over a decade ago and I still haven't found them yet 😐#I did however find a big box of journals in the storage -- and every last one of them is blank 😥#I have a stationary collecting problem I know lol #and there's a few dozen others scattered around elsewhere...I'm ridiculous #I keep collecting fancy journals but rarely ever write in them...only in cheap dollar store notebooks #when I die my family will just find thousands of books and an absurd number of blank journals smh #my random ramblings #journals #notebooks #stationery #bookish things #A14 #back to looking for those blasted shower hooks *wanders off*

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aeolianblues · 4 months ago

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Steve Lamacq is great and all, but John Kennedy would really deserve recognition as a champion of new and emerging music. Also Tom Robinson, for the BBC Introducing network.

#just my 2p #also what I LOVE is that everyone seems to be saying #'congrats Lammo BUT fuck the monarchy; he shouldn't have accepted it' which is an incredible turn of events in just 2 years #more of that please #music #new music #(Out of the loop: BBC Radio DJ and former NME writer (in the 90s) Steve Lamacq is being given an MBE.#For any Manics fans who remember he's the one who conducted the interview where Richy's 4REAL incident happened)#Manic Street Preachers #music journalism #Kennedy who does X-posure does a thankless job. Imagine having to be the new music guy at current Radio X. Couldn't be me; they suck #John Kennedy should be allowed to hit Chris Moyles with a spade once a week I think #and Tom Robinson? He's already an icon for having written Glad To Be Gay in 1977. Come on.#But also he's THE champion of BBC Introducing and has been for over a decade. Bless him like soo so much

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acrobattack · 1 year ago

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the boys really do just stick to people. Like little fungi

#ive met/seen multiple people with the exact experience as me #whose brains were rewired everytime one of their episodes played #they had to have put crack in their character designs or something bc they appeared so few times #and 3/5 of their episodes are so LAME #and theyre still iconic two decades later #i know shipping factors into it pretty majorly but still #its such a common occurence it makes me laugh #bubble journal

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byanyan · 6 months ago

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so anyway, thanks for reading my little dissertations on byan's gender. sorry for not writing again today, i'm just. i'm fuckin goin through it rn man

#'it' being... *gestures vaguely*#i stumbled across this series of yt shorts yesterday (all by the same creator) that really fuckin resonated with me #and i mean that in the most serious way like. it spoke to me. never have i related to someone talking about their experiences more.#talking about their life growing up undiagnosed autistic & adhd... being in treatment for anxiety & depression for decades...#i can't really explain it but good god it's most exactly my same experience and i just. i have never felt that before.#it was so... idk. it sounds so dramatic bc it's literally a comedy short but holy shit #they verbalized things that I haven't been able to and #fuck. I felt seen and I felt like I wasn't alone in this miserable weird non-functioning barely even a human place I'm in rn #and just. idk. I'm still kinda processing some of it.#once again I am thinking back over my life and realizing things and it's. heavy. and tiring.#but like. in an ultimately positive way bc it's gonna help me change things & get to a better place.#I'm rambling IGNORE ME writing it out helps me process ig and for whatever reason posting on my dumb writing blog is easier than journaling #just. once again thank u all sfm for ur patience with me. it means SO much to me. genuinely.#you have no idea how much and I can't put it into words but. slow as I am... writing here with all of you is one of the few reasons #that I'm still kicking. and I'm just. so very grateful to every last one of you.#ok I'm gonna shut up before I get even more sappy and emotional lmfajdkgksg #love you guys. hope you're taking care of yourselves. 💜💜💜#━�� ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#personal cw

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nofuneralplease · 1 year ago

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Y'all ever think about how there's running rabbit motifs on tourdust in a song clearly about someone who may have dedicated a song about rabbits to another someone so many years ago? If it's always self-referential and ironic you'll neve have to think to hard about it. Food for thought.

#the burden of knowing SMFS is explicitly about ryan if you have #what is essentially decades worth of reading #that you can see every reference every journal throwback #it makes every moment spent aware of it feel Sam Neil levels of maddening #the seashells starting off the era was such a fucking omen. that stupid casino event ruined everyone's life #Pete's. Mine. Ryan's. ******'s. Horrible momwnr #*moment

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milflewis · 1 year ago

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#in a strange place today and i need to put this somewhere. i do not have a journal yet. this is it #my grandad was diagnosed with dementia years ago and the grandad i have now is often unrecognisable from the one i grew up with #and while this like isn’t fun and it is strange for him to look at me and not know me more times than he does. it has also been kind of l #lovely?#bc he thinks my granny is still alive so whenever i get to go see him i get to pretend she is too. and she is for a minute. and tho i am #glad she went before him. it is nice to say oh i’m popping in to see her after this grandad and talk about her like she’s hasn’t been gone #since i’ve been ten. my dad has spoken more to him in the last five years than he has his whole life #he was not an easy man. he was loud and friendly and hard working and funny and scary but not easy. in ways he is even #harder now. in others he is easier.#he is more of a child. this is what dementia can do to a brain. we are learning things about his childhood that no one alive has ever spoken #about. that no one knew. my dad doesn’t love him more now but he understands him better #my grandad taught me how to drive a tractor and how to fish through my dad and he has not recognised me in over a year and he #hasn’t walked since he broke his pelvis seven years ago and his muscles are nearly all gone. he is a fraction of the size he used to be. his #personality and body took up my childhood like adults on the screen in cartoons. he hasn’t dressed himself in a decade. he told one of the #nurses that after dinner he wanted ice cream plain like herself and nearly peed when she laughed and told him to fuck off #he is in there. he is himself. i know him. but he isn’t. he doesn’t know me but he allows me to tell him how to ppl he knows are doing. he #still somehow trusts me. we talk a lot about my granny and how she stayed up watching tv again last night so she’s tired today. don’t stay #long when you call in to see her?#whenever we would journey to see him and my granny and get in v late he’d ask us if we wanted apple tart and my granny would say michael.#not ur kids. u can’t parent them. he didn’t know my name yesterday but he asked me if i wanted apple tart #i hope he dies soon. for all that i will miss this. miss my dad having this. he would not want to live like this. it wouldntbe living to him

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raviiel · 1 year ago

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JIMINY'S JOURNAL ENTRY, KINGDOM HEARTS II, TAIYOU

Childhood friend of Sora, Riku, and Kairi.

After Sora thwarted Ansem, Seeker of Darkness, in his attempt to access Kingdom Hearts, she went missing without a trace. She supposedly has a deep tie to Destiny Islands, and Sora was forced to defeat her Heartless in order to return their home to the way it had once been.

According to Leon and friends at Hollow Bastion, Taiyou mysteriously manifested inside of the castle without any memory of what had happened before disappearing again before Sora, Donald, and Goofy had arrived.

#kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 2 #kingdom hearts oc #kh oc #kh sora #kh riku #kh kairi #jiminy's journal #this is my longtime kh oc taiyou! she's my baby. my cinnamon apple. my second oldest oc that's conceptually over a decade old. LMFAO.#please ask me questions about her! even tho no one will #she exists throughout the series not just kh2 lol i just somehow ended up doing this first before anything else #i'm so proud of myself #taiyou #i'm not saying i have a patent on the name taiyou for kh but... :^)

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tokruta · 2 years ago

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Life isn't over until you're dead

LIFE ISN'T OVER UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD!!!!

#sorry ignore this it's just me quote unquote journalling #need to remind myself sometimes that 26 is still young and just bc i haven't reached some 'milestones' doesn't mean i never will #late isn't always bad and as long as i'm alive and capable i can do what i can/want to do #life isn't over until i'm dead #stop focusing on what can't be changed (the past) and instead focus on the present and future #it's possible i can live to an old age (unlikely but nevertheless possible) which means i have potential decades ahead of me #just because i'm currently in a rut doesn't mean i always will be #it's within my ability to change my life and it is up to me to choose what i make of it and myself #make it something worth living rather than something you hate #it's within your reach go for it!#(this is all addressed to myself but if you need the words of encouragement they're for you too)#hasan't #personal

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mariska · 1 year ago

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Been Another One Of Those Days Folkes ........ got therapy later (good) but i am in an indescribable amount of pain from both physically exhausting myself having to go through the hours long shower situation yesterday and general chronic pain/illness flare ups from all my other shit (bad) and even though i know therapy literally always helps cus thats Why I Go i just feel. so ridiculously drained of any and all energy and its cold and storming bad and theres no sunshine in the house and the light in the kitchen is broken and its dark in here and i dont want to go to therapy or get dressed or leave the house i do not even want to be in rn cus all i want to do is go back to bed and sleep for 10 years and wake up feeling good 4 once. :(

.... anyways!

#sry i rly do try not to make miserable venty posts on here these days cus i got way too used to doing that on here as a teen Way Back When #but i dont even have enough strength in my hand/finger joints + muscles to grip a pen and physically write it all down in my paper journal #because of how bad my overall body pain is today. so. into the void it all goes #how do ppl do this lol. like. go through multiple decades of life. how does anyone do that genuinely.#this is so miserable. i am so so so cold no matter what i do to warm up for 6-7 of every year now.#i cant fathom the concept of even one more decade like this. how are you supposed to get through it. :/#6-7 months* i meant to say. in that one tag. sorry hands not working well. as also previously mentioned

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aph-poland · 2 years ago

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.

#the intense need to *** ****** but i cant when my ***** ** ********#its scary to have ******** thoughts after almost 2 decades but its not enough #sits in static #very close to forreal snapping 🙃#nothing matters without ** ****#this is more of a journal entry

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