#//I really am gonna not talk about this any more I've gotten a couple other asks regarding it

[erinwantstowrite]

Hi I know you mentioned you being aroace just a couple days ago and I was wondering if maybe you could explain more in depth about how you found out your sexuality and what not? If it’s not too personal…

I’ve always sorta struggled since I haven’t had any crushes as a kid except for maybe one and that’s just cause ppl kept asking me who mine was… so I don’t even think it was a legit crush?? So not only do I not know who (looks,gender, that sorta thing) I would like … am I ever gonna like someone to even find that out???

I know you said Superman on the new trailer was hot ahaha so do you still experience that sort of physical attraction? I’ve been told when people question which gender they like, to pick which one looks more attractive to them but I’ve never really experienced that sort of physical attraction so I can’t tell that way either…

I think any thought of a crush forming was more towards their personality as well. Looks I guess are more of a second thought I think..? Even then I can’t tell if this is “you’re such an awesome person I wanna be besties with you” really strong feeling or an actual “I wanna date this person” feeling.

The only person I’ve gotten really close to discerning it as officially crush was someone from work who was older by a good amount… which can be/is pretty weird.. Lots of people my age are just a little too crazy for me.. I guess??? Idk and even now I can’t tell if that was just “glad to have someone as a friend sorta thing. I’m really sorry if this is too personal and u don’t have to respond to the ask directly either I was just hoping on maybe some advice for some clarity if possible… as I get older and realize I’ve never dated/had that sorta infatuation it feels so excluding at times.

Also I am hoping for a feast AND desert with this “‘soon’ but still haven’t posted it two days later” chapter plz and thank you

I hope this made sense and wasn’t too invasive!! :(

when i was younger, i was reading about this kind of thing online and i didn't find anyone like me. i think it's about time that i come full circle and make my own post. i've got like half of my frontal lobe developed and i've been figuring out a lot of things about myself these past couple of years, and there might be someone out there who needs to hear this (´-`ʃ♡ƪ) so if anyone is interested, below the cut is a very long talk about how i figured some stuff out

when it came to my sexuality, i only started considering it when i was in middle school, going into high school. (which would be when i was 12-13). that's when a lot of my friends started having crushes on our classmates and i realized they were being serious when they said they had crushes on people. they had figured out their identities as being a lesbian or bisexual, and they had relationships. (or as close as you can get to that in middle school).

i started to panic and think that i was lagging behind. and i really started to repress my feelings about dating people and romance and what that would entail. i found out through the internet about being pansexual. at the time i thought "oh, they have the same attraction for everyone!" and i slapped it on myself because i thought it would fix everything. i even came out to my parents as pansexual and for a while i left it at that.

i had an idea of romance. i shipped characters in media and i knew that my parents really loved each other. there were a lot of examples for love in my life that weren't the best, but having two parents that actually did care about each other made me want that for myself in the future...

but that's in the future. i personally didn't think about it much because we were still kids. for a while i didn't think anyone else was being serious, that they were just trying it out quicker than i was ready for. it was a strange feeling. i guess i still believed we were playing make believe, or copying what we saw on TV or with our parents. often when my friends asked me who i had a crush on and i felt pressured, i would pick someone that i thought i wouldn't mind dating if i had to. someone would be "interested" in me and i would say "okay" because i felt like that was part of this game we all seemed to be playing. i've had a few "boyfriends" over the years that got people off my back when i had them. in elementary school it was this boy that didn't pick on me, another boy that was my parents' friend's kid. in middle school i had an online boyfriend and a couple of "crushes" on friends of friends, someone just a little far out of my circle that didn't shake anything up. my friends would help me get together with a person and they'd seem so excited for me, so i just went along with it.

then it hit me that they weren't doing it just to do it, or playing pretend. they actually felt something when they were interacting with their crushes. i started to reread books and rewatch media and really grasp what they were saying. the feeling of having butterflies inside them when they talked to each other, blushing when something was said? i thought that was about a general anxiety people get when talking to other people. but there was always something more to it that i just... didn't get. no matter how hard i tried, i didn't understand what that something was.

then started coming the pressure to do the same, to fit in. that's why i accepted a label of pansexual. it was "strange" but at least it didn't feel "broken." i could deal with people telling me that i was wrong for liking more than just boys. but to say that there was no one on the table gave me an anxiety i'd never felt before. like i would be letting down my family, that the entire course of my life would shift. i wouldn't walk down the aisle because there would be no wedding. my parents wouldn't have grandkids. my friends would go on to have lives completely separate from mine, we'd have nothing in common anymore. so i stuffed it all down and made myself believe that this wasn't who i was.

it really mixed me up because i did have a couple of "crushes" that felt real. there were a few girls i was friends with, there were boys in my classes (usually class clowns...) that i'd get excited to see every day. when i thought about dating them, it felt nice. any other time when i thought about dating someone, i'd get this awful feeling in my gut that i later realized was dread. i was fully convinced it was different from all the other times. that "different" that i didn't understand before.

it was different! but not for the reason i thought it was. those people made me laugh, they listened and remembered things about me (that i didn't get much of during that time of my life), and most of all: they didn't like me back.

there were literally no expectations in their eyes for things to go away from friendship. and i think that's what made me like them, but not as a crush. it was relief. there was always an expectation for other people (specifically boys) that if we were friends, things would stray from friendship at some point. not with these people. that relief, combined with all the other good feelings they gave me (class clowns...) made it so much easier to fall into a friendship that i didn't have with other people. and i was in denial for so long that i thought of those friendships as crushes because they were different from other friendships.

there were a couple of times that i got close to having to face my sexuality and it felt like a gut punch. there were a couple of people i was friends with (that i didn't have crushes on) that i had previously thought "if i had to pick someone" about. but when they actually told me their feelings, i would run away. in one case, i literally ran away. i changed my entire routine so that i wouldn't have to face them. and i'm a creature of habit, so of course i took that step back and asked myself why i was having such a strong reaction. my friends didn't understand why i was so panicked about these confessions. especially because before, i "liked" people and had no problem with it.

part of my feelings were that no one would actually like me (which only furthered me not wanting/not considering romance). some of the confessions that i got were fake/pranks, and it would really mess with my head. i wasn't skinny, i knew i was strange and awkward, and i could be very brash and stubborn. i had a weird sense of humor and i missed social ques. i got a lot of "you should be a lawyer" and complaints of being bossy when i was growing up and i always knew they really meant "you're a bitch." i wouldn't understand why i felt so othered from my peers like that until i learned i was possibly autistic, and i only found that out a couple years ago. combined with being plus sized and not conventionally attractive, i didn't get much breathing room. if i wasn't perfectly calm all the time, if i didn't force myself to be overly nice to people, and if i wasn't funny, i'd get told i was "draining" to be around.

i did a lot to try and fit in. i kept my hair long because people would compliment it, i tried to wear skirts instead of pants/shorts, i'd wear comfy clothes and the like so i didn't look like i was trying too hard. a lot of my personality was forced and i was the one who was being drained instead. i ended up having to get a radar for when people were just messing with me. and so when a real confession happened, there was a combination of anxiety about if they were faking or not, doubt that they could actually like me, and then a deep rooted fear about if they were being serious.

instead of the relief i should have felt when i learned it was a real confession, i still felt scared. it would be the same anxiety as if someone asked me to get on the world's tallest roller coaster in the world and i had just seen a chunk of the roller coaster fall in front of me.

that part made it even harder to come to grips with my sexuality. i thought if i gave up on being a hopeless romantic, i'd be giving in to all the times someone told me "I just don't see you dating anyone." being unlovable was a death sentence in my eyes. and it didn't help that i've lived in the south all my life. i was already strange and going to hell for a multitude of things. turning around and telling them that i was going against every expectation set of me to get married and have kids by 24????

(i should clarify that my parents had never been the ones to put this in my mind. when i came out as pansexual, they had only been confused about what the hell that was. the rest of their reaction was "i mean... we could already sort of tell." and while my parents had hopes for my future, i knew deep down that while they'd be a little sad not to have those expected memories with me, they wouldn't turn me away. and they would very likely be happy to create a whole different set of memories with me.)

i have my current friends to thank for me coming to terms with who i am. by the time i was in college i had started to question everything. my middle school friend group had been majority queer but we had gone to different schools or just faded apart. in high school, a majority of my time was spent in band. and while i was one of those people who had friends in a variety of friend groups, the closest friends i had were the people in my section that i sat next to every day. and in the present time, only a couple of them remained straight churchgoers. even though they've changed now just like i have, during high school i was a different story.

going to college opened me up to a far different experience. by this point i'd shifted from pansexual to bisexual. my college experience wasn't... ideal. or really healthy in any aspect. but meeting these people did dislodge the mindset i'd had for most of my life. and my current friends have changed my life. the fear that i had about being aromantic has now become the relief i needed my entire life. it doesn't feel broken, or wrong, or strange. sometimes i do feel sad about it, or question if this is really the case. maybe one day i'll meet someone who shows me that "different" feeling i'd been waiting to understand. but i grew past the societal expectation of needing a partner to be fulfilled in life and i'm so much happier.

life doesn't need to be about that partner. i have many, many friends and family to grow old with. i have a godchild!! one day i'll have my own house to celebrate holidays and achievements at, to host my friends and family. i'll have pets that i love and i'll have my own career, and i'll be happy because i never needed to fit expectations to be happy.

when it comes to anything sexual, it's sort of the same feeling as when i had "crushes" on people in real life. though also different? i don't look at real people and feel an attraction beyond knowing that they are attractive, objectively. i can feel attraction sometimes in a physical sense, but i have no interest in having anything personal happening between us. a fictional character has no interest in me, and so it feels safe to think that they're hot and to express it. like sure, yeah, i have a crush on them! i get giggly when Captain Smoker from One Piece shows up on the screen, and the new Superman makes me think "oh! okay!" but if they were real and in front of me? i'd probably... lose that attraction, like it was never there.

here's the kicker, though, and might sound weird at first: you don't have to put a label on yourself

yeah, i do consider myself aroace. but the world is ever changing and so is the human experience. it helps to have a basis, to understand your feelings and work through them. it's nice to be like "there is a name for this" and to find a community through that. i'm not saying there's anything wrong about figuring out your identity and saying "I'm this, this, and this!" nothing at all wrong with that. but we're all figuring ourselves out, all the time. it doesn't end when you put the label on. you have the entire rest of your life to continue learning things about yourself and the world around you. i wish i'd known in middle school that i didn't have to rush it, that i have every opportunity to take it one phase at a time. a human life seems fleeting, especially when you're looking back on your past and feeling like the time flew by. but that's just our perception of it as we look back.

what i mean to say it that it's okay to backtrack. it's okay to change your mind. it's okay to not put a label on it. it's okay to put a label on it. it's okay not to tell anyone, if you don't want to. it's okay to say "i'll figure it out." and it's okay if you don't. it's okay if you sit up in bed one day when you're 60 years old and go "that's what it is." as long as you live your life listening to yourself and not trying to meet an expectation you think you have to, then you're doing it right.

and it's okay if you lived your life like i did, and you didn't do any of that. being a human is messy and that's part of life. you're not gonna get it right the first time- but even then, sometimes you will! there's a nuance and a spectrum to everything you experience. take pride in who you are even if you don't have a clue yet. be kind to yourself. you're gonna be okay.

[tubbytarchia]

pause. zoom. enhance. good universe smallidarity being the one where joel isnt homophobic. i need to know more about your bad universe smallidarity joel <3

LMAO well "bad universe smallidarity" is how I interpret smallidarity personally. I know my following has been curated a lot by this point but I still get anxious to comment on it out in the open, so I'm just gonna: This is about characters. It's about characters. Hello I'm talking about characters and this says absolutely nothing about any relationships present in the real world and I wouldn't have it any other way than it is now. This is about characters and I am a big fucking fan of Jizzie, don't even doubt me (said in general, not to you lol)

Anyway. I made a long post about this before but it's a little bit cringe so I'm gonna try to sum my thoughts up again: I love analysing Joel's freak behavior and to me his character reads as homophobic but in a deeply closeted way. His relationship with Lizzie is extremely cute but I get more aroace vibes from it than anything honestly. Their characters would have gotten together because, it made sense to. "Hey we like each other, might as well get married" and good for them, but although they are cute and every now and then proclaim their love, it feels more like an obligatory sentiment to make to me, their characters within the Life series and other SMPs I've watched with them just don't strike me as a couple if you take away the specific terms they use that confirm it. Like honest to god someone can try and make a compilation of that and I'm willing to bet that the compilation of him and Jimmy being weird would be at least comparable in length. And frankly I don't think Lizzie gives much of a fuck anyway

Joel's treated Jimmy very undesirably in the past, main culprit being ESMP2, until out of nowhere he chooses to end their rivalry and proclaim them two best friends instead, which Jimmy very easily goes along with. This very sudden change in their relationship being enforced by Joel makes me think he came to some revelation and had a good think about it. That's a lie, he's bad at that, he probably had a meltdown instead and didn't know how to fix things other than to go tell Jimmy "hey lets be friends now and um impose new law". This is where he contributed to the Jimmy ecosystem (AKA the harmful environment and people that enforce the idea that Jimmy is inherently lesser than them) the most and then abruptly stopped. Instances of him belittling Jimmy one way or another still happen afterward but it really has changed and become both more lenient and less frequent. What has been a constant however is the weirdass homoerotic behavior

This since and before ESMP2, but it really gives vibes of someone in love but neglecting to acknowledge it and/or combating those feelings with vocal disapproval of any intimacy that could be inferred. He has a wife after all, in fact, he'll remind you every chance he gets. Joel has no problem indulging in and joking about more sexual approaches vs more affectionate ones. Eg, the neck kisses, calling Jimmy babe, having pillow talk with Tango and literally making a baby with both Jimmy and Sausage in ESMP. But anything affectionate makes him feel vulnerable and so that's a no-no. I have no good explicit examples for this other than the fact that he just doesn't engage in affectionate engages/jokes much (not even with Lizzie) and him refusing to hold Jimmy's hand in SL. It's all jokes, and if it does get too sus, no worries, he can always just proclaim "I have a wife!!" as a no-homo safety net. But methinks he's just in denial. Unfortunately when he starts to grapple with his feelings I think he becomes homophobic and has probably called himself every slur out there. It'd make sense to me given how he often acts around Jimmy. It's not that he has anything against the concept of gay, he just doesn't know how to handle himself being gay

But, along with him trying to step out of the ecosystem and instead wanting to support Jimmy, he's also become more open to intimacy? For lack of a better word. He's been much less outward about his interactions with Jimmy being jokes, eg the RL and WL kisses where they're both just fucking soft about it man and just carry on, or him declaring himself to just be flirting with Jimmy to Gem and Scar in WL with no caveat. Still, Joel absolutely can't express genuine love or care in any conventional manner to Jimmy which hmm. Why might that be... WL puts Joel's worry for Jimmy to the forefront where he is VERY vocally upset about almost each of Jimmy's deaths but can't express this to him any other way than to call him a loser. Other people might hear of his worry (eg Gem) or he'll defend Jimmy to them (disapproving of the premature grave people built for him in SL. This in general is really important in signifying his departure from the ecosystem by disapproving of others within it). He is very nice to Jimmy, like in WL (especially considering Jimmy's several attempts at killing him for no real reason) but only outside of vocal confirmation

This is why in the smallidarity compilation I included clips like him in Phasmo just saying he was worried about Jimmy TO Jimmy because this fucker never says that so this is substantial material for me. It's character development, maybe he's slowly exiting the closet and coming to terms with his feelings and that he can be "vulnerable". Anyway that's why I label him homophobic but the point is that he really does care Jimmy a lot and he's been much better to him and by virtue less homophobic towards himself

[reidsc0nverse]

A Rose by Any Other Name (Chapter One)

Summary: Reader has her first day at the BAU in training to take JJ's place on maternity leave. She gets comfortable around the office with the help of her father Davis Rossi and the other members of the team, especially one specific genius.

Warnings: None

AN: This is my first real try at this idea that's been collecting dust in my brain, so far this chapter doesn't have a whole lot and it's mainly intro to the character but yeah. Also reader doesn't have Rossi's last name fyi and she's taking Jordans place in season 4 but they're not the same I promise.

Series Masterlist

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   Well, I knew the time was coming, just not so out of the blue.

   I was training under the Communications Liaison of the BAU today, Jennifer Jareau, due to the fact that she's leaving for maternity leave soon. 

  It was only a matter of time before my dad, him being THE David Rossi, pulled some strings to get me to that spot despite me barely finishing the academy. I mean, I rocked it, but they usually want someone of more...experience in a position as such.

But here I am, walking through the doors of the bullpen and Jennifer walking up to me with a friendly smile.

"Ah! Agent Y/L/N, glad to see you," she said cheerily, holding her hand out for me to shake it.

"You too" I say returning the gesture and trying to keep my composure and maintain the same cheeriness as her, but failing.

"Nervous?" She asks, seeing through me with ease but continuing to keep her friendliness and walking me to her office.

"No of course not" I say sarcastically with a playful smile on my face as we enter in the room filled with a vast amount of case files.

She motions for me to sit across from her at the desk and laughs softly, "Don't worry, after your first couple of cases it gets easier..ish." 

"I just hate the part of the job that involves dealing with the press" I admit, with the stuff I've heard from my dad I can understand the stigma around journalists and outside sources.

"Tell me about it, but you'll get the hang of it, it's usually just repeating yourself after a while." She replies and we continue to discuss more about the details of the job and what I'm gonna have to do in the next weeks. 

"Alright enough of this, everyone should be here by now. I'll introduce you to everyone." She says and we get up and out where three agents stand talking.

"Hey guys, I want to introduce you to someone. This is Agent Y/N Y/L/N. She'll be taking over for me while I'm on maternity leave." She says and I smile at the three that Jennifer has described to me.

I go to shake their hands, "You must be Agent Prentiss, Agent Morgan, and Dr. Reid." They all return smiles to me, "Agent Jareau has told me so much about you all."

"La mia bambina!" I hear a familiar voice say as I look over to see my dad, his arms stretched out and pulling me as he kisses my cheek. 

"Hi dad." I say sheepishly, my face burning as the agents in front of me furrow their eyebrows. 

"Dad?" Prentiss says and continues, "Does your last name come from wife number 2 or 3?" she jokes and Morgan laughs in response.

My dad waves them off and looks back to me, "Training start today?" I nod and he holds me with his arm over my shoulder. "Yeah if you can let me go I can finally start" I joke with him and he lifts his arm in response.

"Yeah Rossi, I'd like to get her started with that." Jennifer says playfully as I wave once again to the others when she brings me with her to look over a case before bringing it to the team.

"I may have forgotten to mention that part to them," She says, looking at the file in her hand. "Oh, what? That Rossi's my dad?" I ask, her nodding and I continue, "No worries, I don't think he's ever even brought up having a kid. One that he knows about at least. We haven't been that close in all honesty." I explain to her. It's really no big deal to me, he wasn't very present in my childhood but as I've gotten older, he's put in a lot of effort to be a part of my life even if it's a little late. Hence, my place at the BAU.

We spend the next hour going over cases and she guides me on how they decide where to go and whether or not the risk of more lives being lost is prominent. Once we settle on one she lets out a breath, "Alright let's take a break, I need to stop staring at all of this" she says motioning to the abundance of cases on the desk. I nod in agreement smiling and make my way to the break room for a cup of coffee.

"Agent Y/L/N, right?" I hear someone say as they walk in. I turn my head and see the tall stature of Dr. Reid.

"Yes, yeah. Hi." I say, waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing. He walks over and waits next to me with his empty mug. "But I don't really care about formal titles, you can just call me Y/N."

"Okay, Y/N. You can call me whatever, Spencer, Reid, I don't mind." He says gently and continues, "Rossi never mentioned he had a daughter. Let alone one coming onto the team."

"Temporarily" I remind him, but it's more to myself, "but I don't know how often he really wants to talk his personal life." I say lightheartedly and the coffee finally fills up my cup and I move over to let him use the machine.

Spencer shrugs and begins to make his own, "How long have you been in the FBI?"

At this I get nervous to respond, you can be as young as 23 to get into the FBI, but the BAU needs prior experience. But of course, my dad rushed the process some. "Well, uh, I kind of just finished the academy. I'm only 24 so there hasn't been much room for familiarity."

He looks at me with a slight surprise in his face, "Really? I mean if it makes you feel any better I started here as soon as I could. So in reality, you don't need all that much prior experience in the FBI to work here."

"Aren't you like, a genius though?" I laugh, Jennifer did tell me that about him.

He laughs and nods, "Well..you know what I mean. They make exceptions."

"Yeah, I suppose"

"Are you interested in profiling?"

"I only just recently figured that out." I laugh and explain further, "Psychology has always intrigued me and that's what I majored in, so once my dad figured that out he kinda shoved me into this field." I say, doing an exaggerated push motion absentmindedly.

He smiles and nods, "I think you should go for it, after this whole liaison thing of course, I wish you luck." He says and waves as he walks out. In that moment I can feel my face flush slightly, it wasn't that big of a deal but I guess I just wasn't expecting that sort of kindness on my first day.

I shake my head slightly and walk back to where Jennifer and I previously were.

She was already back on her side of the desk and reading a file, looking up she points at my cup, "Good thinking" she smiles and I take my seat again.

"I'd hate to think about how much coffee is drank in this building." I joke.

"Probably enough to supply a small country." she laughs and goes on, "Alright so I think you're pretty much all done for now, I don't think you'll be able to join us on the case but you can just get yourself used to the team if you want."

I nod and the day goes by with loads of 'how to's' around the office and in the perks of Jennifer's job. Sooner than later I get to go home and I get my stuff packed up and walk in the elevator.

The doors start to close but before it shuts completely, I see Spencer rush towards the elevator and I hold them open for him.

"Sorry- sorry." He says awkwardly as he gets in next to me. "How was your first day?"

"It was new. That's for sure. Just a whole lot of information on what I need to do." I say, fidgeting with my hair slightly.

"I'm not sure how much I can do, but if you need anything I know anyone on the team will help" He reassures me, and i smile back. "Thanks, really. I appreciate it."

"Of course." He smiles and the elevator opens up leading to the parking lot. "I'll see you later." He says and I smile back walking to my car.

I can feel the pink in my cheeks when I sit in the front seat and drive home.

I think I'm gonna like my time here.

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okay chapter two will be out sometime between today and next week I hope y'all like it so far ik it's not a lot but give it some patience lols

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia!

I've been reading a bunch of your works over the last couple of months and I hope it's okay if I throw some thoughts/questions at you!

This feels really forward, but have you ever written anything with voyerism as a kink? And if not, do you have any interest in it? TIP is the most recent thing of yours that I've finished and that scene where Augus watched Mosk & Eran... hot. Twas very hot. I think about it a lot lol.

As for the Underline universe, how far into Blue and Gold are we? Like percentage/fraction-wise? Or is it still up in the air? I know we have an end in sight for Black now and it makes me wonder.

I'm so nervous about the next couple of chapters of Black. Gosh I love the fluff rn, but I am so scared for the whole Henton/Crielle mess to come back. I genuinely forgot that Henton was gonna be relevant and I looked at the tags recently and audibly went 'oh shit.' This is not a question, I just want you to know that I am Scared.

I have so many questions about Silver but I am trying to restrain myself bc I know you must keep your secrets. Just please know I think about them. Could I ask what Augus and Corbyn's ages are? I'm fairly certain they're not gonna be 80 but I work as a CNA and I've started thinking about their dynamic as a cute old couple at a facility and it makes me giggle a little.

If you're still doing the OC asks thing, would you do #10 for Arden? I know you've gotten multiple asks about him in Underline (which makes sense why you wouldn't want to put him there), but I'm curious if there's any other scenarios you'd want to put him in?

I'm the anon that asked for more about Caleb and I just. Am fighting demons not to literally put 1-25 for him (I love mean tops)(And he is still in his mean to faber stage)(will he ever not be? that's not a actual question) I just...his and fabers dynamic is my kind of hurt lol (i wonder how he'd feel about having a tiny fanclub?)(i can support his buisness pursuits or something)

Now that I look all of this over I am sorry but also not sorry this is probably overwhelming. Feel free to skip over whatever or answer some and come back to it. Just know I am thinking about your characters like... too many hours in the day. I need to get back to laundry lol

Whoa holy fucking questions batman!

I shall do my best anon I am intrigued

This feels really forward, but have you ever written anything with voyerism as a kink? And if not, do you have any interest in it? TIP is the most recent thing of yours that I've finished and that scene where Augus watched Mosk & Eran... hot. Twas very hot. I think about it a lot lol.

Voyeurism, yes! Particularly in one of the later chapters of The Beast that Chose Its Own Bridle where Felix and Murtagh watch a kink scene live, and Murtagh edges Felix during it, while quietly talking to him, until Felix is basically begging to come.

Otherwise I'm not writing it often mostly because many of the bottoms I write are either a) too insecure to perform for others or b) it's just not a direction the story is going in.

I don't really write exhibitionism at all, but there are elements of voyeurism around, Falling Falling Stars had some non-sexual and hints of voyeurism overall re: Efnisien, Kadek, and Arden.

I'm fairly certain the Strange Sights universe has elements of both (exhibitionism from Augus, voyeurism from Ash and Augus towards each other). Especially the follow-up sequel, where Ash asks Augus to masturbate for him.

Eversion probably has the most in terms of people watching Connor. In fact the very first time we ever see him in a sex scene, it's at a BDSM club where literally someone is just there to watch him get off, and he meets his dom while both of them watch someone else endure a flogging, and Connor is - similarly to Felix - played with while watching the scene. There's also the threesome between Luuk, Hank and Connor later, where it's clear that Hank and Luuk are both enjoying watching each other as well as Connor. So I would say Eversion probably has the most!

It's not something I write often, but it's around! (two of these fics are over at my thespectaclesofthor AO3 account!)

As for the Underline universe, how far into Blue and Gold are we? Like percentage/fraction-wise? Or is it still up in the air? I know we have an end in sight for Black now and it makes me wonder.

No idea re: Blue and Gold, though I know neither of them will be anywhere near as long as Black. To the point where I'm hoping to wrap up Blue and Gold around the chapter 35-45 mark. But hope is a fickle thing, and it could be earlier, could be later. They were never designed to be stories that had huge development arcs or anything, they're pretty much done once the characters have bonded successfully / shared a successful heat. Both stories end before Underline the Black starts in terms of in-world timeline!

I'm so nervous about the next couple of chapters of Black. Gosh I love the fluff rn, but I am so scared for the whole Henton/Crielle mess to come back. I genuinely forgot that Henton was gonna be relevant and I looked at the tags recently and audibly went 'oh shit.' This is not a question, I just want you to know that I am Scared.

You should be : )

I mean, it'll be fine!

Well, both of those things can be true, lol.

I have so many questions about Silver but I am trying to restrain myself bc I know you must keep your secrets. Just please know I think about them. Could I ask what Augus and Corbyn's ages are?

They're in their fifties! I haven't gotten exact ages on them yet, but I know that if Alois complains about being old around Corbyn, Corbyn is just going to smile tiredly at him.

If you're still doing the OC asks thing, would you do #10 for Arden?

10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

Honestly, I feel like his story is "closed." I don't really know how to explain this, but with some of the characters I write, I hit a point where I just don't need to write them again. Eran is the same.

I think it's telling (to me) that in all the stories I'm writing after Falling Falling Stars, each one of them is literally revolving around *another* character that isn't Arden (whether it's Gwyn, or Kadek, or Dr Gary). That doesn't mean Arden isn't around, I just have no drive to tell a version of his story again.

Some characters stay open mentally, and others sort of mentally go into the 'I'm done' space. Gwyn and Augus took forever to kind of walk into the 'I'm done' space (and they're still not fully there)! - Arden was there immediately after Falling Falling Stars was over.

Also they kind of choose that space? I stay open generally because I like writing AUs a lot, so it's like a weird sense of like a character walking away from me, vs. me being like 'I'm tired of you.' Arden walked away! He was happy, lol. So I literally have zero other story ideas for Arden and I think he'd be mad at me for trying to think up any.

I'm the anon that asked for more about Caleb and I just. Am fighting demons not to literally put 1-25 for him (I love mean tops)(And he is still in his mean to faber stage)(will he ever not be? that's not a actual question) I just...his and fabers dynamic is my kind of hurt lol (i wonder how he'd feel about having a tiny fanclub?)(i can support his buisness pursuits or something)

Anon I promise you that you're not the only one who cares about Caleb!! Also I love this douche guy, can't wait to show more of him!

If you limit yourself to like 3 questions from the meme each time, you can send more asks! I still have a few to get to in general. :D

[canirove]

Rice, Rice, baby | Chapter 32

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Masterlist

“And if you run out of nappies, there is a box in the storage room. And he has to have Mr. Poo with him when he is sleeping, even during naps. And if he can't sleep he usually calms down if you sing to him “Freed from desire” because Declan sings him football songs and for whatever the reason that calms him down. And if he…”

“Liv… Liv, Olivia” Declan's mum says, stopping my rambling. “I know what to do. I've raised three boys and a few grandchildren, remember?” she chuckles.

“Yes, sorry. I'm sorry. I just… you know.”

“It's the first time you are gonna be away from Oliver since he was born.”

“Yes” I sigh.

It's been three months since I gave birth. Three of the most exhausting, daunting but also wonderful months of my life, full of sleepless nights and tears, but also many laughs, cute moments, and my phone saying I'm running out of memory due to all the videos and photos I've taken of Ollie. I've even had to make different folders so everything is a bit organized.

There are a couple just for photos and videos of him, one for all the content with my mum, with Declan's parents, with his nephews, with Madders and Kennedy, with their kids, with Olga… And of course, there is one only for Declan. After the ones all for Ollie, his has to be the one that has the most content.

But I just can't help myself. Seeing him being a dad is… I don't know how to explain it. It's like it makes me fall in love with him even more than I already am, sometimes making me feel like my heart is about to burst from all the love it has for him and Ollie. Other times tho, it makes me think of what I overheard him and his mum talk about. About the fact that he told her that he was in love with me.

More than once I've wanted to ask him about it, if what I heard was true or if it was my mind playing games with me because I was about to bring a human being to the world and everything inside me was a chaos. But I've never managed to do it, I've  always gotten cold feet. Though that may be about to change.

He has booked us a couple of days away at the same place where we stayed for our babymoon with the excuse that I deserve to relax, have a good night of sleep, and just think about myself for a bit (easier said than done). And since that was the place where we were supposed to talk about our feelings and what the kisses we shared meant, this may be the right moment to do it. To stop being a coward and tell him what I feel, to say the three words.

“Ok, our bags are in the car. Are you ready?” Declan asks, joining me and his mum.

“She's ready” she says.

“Can't I check on Ollie again? Just to be sure he is…”

“Liv, the little man is asleep, he's ok. And you already said goodbye to him like five times” Declan chuckles.

“Six. She went back to this room while you were away.”

“Really?”

“I'm sorry, I just… I can't help it” I shrug.

“He's gonna be fine, Liv. I have everything under control, and tomorrow your mum is coming over too. He's gonna get all the attention and cuddles in the world” she smiles.

“Can I give him a last one?”

“Declan, take her out of here, please” his mum laughs, pushing me towards him. “I don't want to hear from any of you in two days, understood?”

“I'll try my best to keep us, and especially her, entertained” he smirks, putting an arm around my waist and making my stomach do a flip inside me. 

“Yeah, well, umm… Can't I see him one last time, then?”

“No” Declan's mum says, definitely using the same tone she has had to use plenty of times with her sons. “And now go or you'll be stuck in traffic for hours” she says, moving her hands in the air and basically kicking us out of the house.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Have I ever told you that this is the best chocolate cake ever?”

“Every single time you've eaten it since that first time” Declan laughs.

“It feels like it happened in another lifetime” I sigh.

“It does, doesn't it?” he says, finally managing to open the champagne bottle he had on his hands. It is our last night away, and to celebrate, he ordered some of that chocolate cake I love so much and some champagne. “If we went back in time and told that Liv and that Declan that two years later they are parents to the most amazing little boy, they would not believe us.”

“Nope” I chuckle. “And thank you” I say when he gives me a flute with some champagne.

“You're welcome” he smiles. “So, what should we toast to?”

“I don't know… Maybe to that amazing little boy you just mentioned?”

“You have not stop thinking about him, have you?” Declan laughs.

“Have you?”

“I have not, no” he smiles. “And how could I when I have you reminding me of him all the time? Each day he looks more like you, Liv.”

“But with your eyes.” Because my wish had come true, and he had gotten his eyes. Those blue eyes I have not been able to stop thinking about since the first time they looked at me, eyes that make me feel things no one had been able to before. 

“To Ollie?” he says, raising his flute.

“To Ollie” I reply, doing the same.

“And, since we are toasting and celebrating… I have something for you.”

“For me?”

“Yep” he says, giving me a small box. 

“Declan, I… You didn't have to get me anything. You've done enough already with this trip and everything else since I moved in with you.”

“What I've done is the bare minimum, Liv. And this is just a little something. Open it.”

“Ok” I say, my hands shaking a bit. Why am I nervous? “Oh…”

“Do you like it? I've seen you wearing both rings and necklaces and I didn't know what you liked best, so I just picked one of each.”

“I love it, Declan” I say, trying really hard to not start crying. He had gotten me a ring with Oliver engraved on it and a matching necklace with an O and a little stone hanging next to it. “Is this a real ruby?”

“It is. That's Ollie's birthstone, isn't it?”

“Yes, but… wow. I… I don't know what to say.”

“Just knowing that you love it is enough” he smiles.

“Thank you, Declan” I say, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him. 

“You're welcome, Liv” he replies, hugging me back. We stay like that for a while, just hugging and not saying a word, until a bird makes us both jump.

“What the fuck was that? A dinosaur?”

“I don't know” I laugh. “But it was loud.”

“So loud…” he chuckles. “Anyway, do you want me to help you put on the necklace?”

“Please” I say, giving it to him while putting on the ring. It fits perfectly. “How did you think of this?” I ask him to try and focus on something that isn't the way his fingers feel on my skin.

“Aaron told me that he had bought Georgina a pushing ring, and I thought I could do the same.”

“A what?”

“It apparently is a thing people do to congratulate their partners after giving birth” he shrugs.

“I had never heard of it before.”

“Neither had I. And done. How does it feel?”

“Perfect” I say, turning around to face him. “Thank you, Declan. Again.”

“That's ok” he smiles. And once again, I find myself focusing on his mouth. On his lips. On how much I want to kiss him and… “Don't do it, Liv.”

“Uh?”

“Kiss me. Don't do it.”

“I wasn't going to kiss you” I say with a nervous laugh, my face already burning. Fuck.

“But you were thinking about it, weren't you?” he smirks.

“No.”

“Sure” he says, his smirk turning into a grin.

“Ok, fine. What if I was, uh? Is there any problem with that?”

“Yes and no.”

“What?” 

“No, because I also want to kiss you, and yes, because we can't do it until we have had that conversation we were supposed to have months ago.”

“Oh, that… yes” I say, focusing on my hands. “I've wanted to talk about that too for a while but never found the moment.”

“Well, this is it. And even though the chivalrous thing to do would be to let you speak first, I can't, Liv. I must be the one explaining everything first because I am the one who behaved like a dick and the one who broke your heart.”

“Declan, you didn't…”

“C'mon, Liv” he says with a sad laugh. “You know I did and that I hurt you. I hurt you really really bad.”

“I… You did, yes” I whisper.

“I hurt you and I think I will never be able to forgive myself for it. Because I… I didn't want to do it, you know? Like… urgh” he says, running his hands through his hair.

“It's ok” I say, reaching for one of them as he lets them rest on his lap, interlacing my fingers with his and giving it an encouraging squeeze.

“I never meant to hurt you or treat you the way I did, Liv” Declan says, looking at me. “I swear that was never my intention. But I… I was a coward. I was a coward who got scared because he had never felt for any girl the things I was feeling for you. The things I still feel for you. Because I love you, Olivia” he says, those blue eyes of his looking at me in a way that hadn't before. It's like I could feel them reaching my heart and my soul if that makes any sense. “Each day I'm more convinced that I've loved you since the moment we met and you made me that first coffee, because I haven't been able to get you out of my head since then. And that scared me, Liv. That scared me so much… That's why sometimes I would ignore you and be cold around you. Because what I was feeling for you was so new and so intense that instead of just enjoying it, I would sabotage it. I talked about it many times with my brothers and some of my best friends, and they all gave me really good advice, the main one being: don't fuck it up, Declan. But instead of following it, I did the opposite and ruined it all. Instead of telling you how I felt, I ran away from you every time my feelings overwhelmed me. Because I was a coward, Liv. The biggest coward ever.”

“You weren't a coward, Declan” I say, wiping away a tear from his cheek.

“I was, Liv. I was a coward who fucked up big time, breaking the heart of the woman he loved, and making her despise me.”

“I never despised you. I hated you for a while, but I never despised you” I say, caressing his cheek. 

“But you should have. What I did to you that summer… The way I played with you for months… I deserved it.”

“You did, yes. Olga agrees on that” I chuckle. 

“I was going to explain everything to you that day, you know? I was going to tell you that I loved you and that I had been a dick who didn't deserve you. That I was going to work on myself to fix all my insecurities, that I wanted to become someone worth it of you even if you didn't want anything to do with me ever again. But then…”

“We got carried away.”

“A bit, yes” he smiles. “Then when we crossed paths again and I overheard you talking with Harry about being pregnant, and the thought that it could be mine didn't cross my mind, you know? I only thought that you had moved on just like I was trying to do and miserably falling at because you are the only woman I love, and that I deserved to feel the way I was feeling, that I had broken your heart and now it was my turn to feel that pain. But then you told me he was mine, and it was like the skies opened” he chuckles. “Because I saw it as the world giving me a second chance to fix things and do them right this time. To make up for all the wrong choices and mistakes I had made and stop being a coward. I couldn't keep being that person now that I was going to be a father. I needed to step up, to be the best version of myself for that little person that was about to come to the world and change everything forever. But while focusing on that, we've been getting closer again. And even though the thought of us getting back together is something that I've tried to keep locked away to just focus on your pregnancy and Ollie, on you two being safe… It's been almost impossible. The idea of us being a family, of us raising him together as a couple like I had dreamt many times before ruining it all, is something I constantly find myself thinking about, especially when we are together. Because I've found myself falling in love with you more than I already was, Liv. And hiding my feelings for you has been so hard… So fucking hard. You don't know how many times I've wanted to kiss you and love you but I've had to stop myself. So many times…”

“And here I was thinking I had done something wrong” I chuckle. “Because I've also wanted to kiss you many times, you know?”

“You have?”

“Yes” I nod.

“I wish I had told you earlier how I feel. That I love you and that I always have. But there have been so many things going on these past few months that I didn't want to confuse you even more and…”

“You have said it now, haven't you?” I smile, my fingers still caressing his face.

“I have, yes” he replies, letting out a big sigh and smiling back.

“Though I already knew.”

“What?”

“I overheard you telling your mum about it before Ollie decided it was time to come to the world.”

“You… shit.”

“And that's why I said earlier that I've been wanting to speak with you. I needed to know if what you had told her was real or if it was just my mind playing games, because Declan… I love you too.”

“You…”

“I think I've also been in love with you since the moment I met you at the cafeteria, because I haven't been able to keep you out of my head either. And yes, you hurt me and you broke my heart, but I… I never stopped loving you. I couldn't despite Olga constantly telling me that I should.”

“You should have listened to her, Liv.”

“Yeah, well” I shrug. “The thing is that then I got pregnant, and those feelings were still there, growing and getting stronger. And then there were moments where it felt like we were getting closer again and you were going to kiss me, but then you wouldn't, and like I said, I didn't know if I was doing something wrong, if it was my hormones making me imagine it all, if it was just me wishing we could go back to what we used to have, if I was making the same mistakes again and letting you play with my feelings… It was confusing as fuck” I laugh. 

“I wasn't playing with your feelings, Liv. I'm so sorry you felt like that. I know I did it in the past, and even though I wasn't doing it intentionally to hurt you, I… That wasn't the case this time. I promise you.”

“I know” I smile. “But then when you surprised me with the nursery… I knew it. I knew it wasn't my hormones messing up with me. It was just how I felt. I loved you and I was falling in love with you more and more each day, and since Ollie was born it has gotten to a point where I… I… I just fucking love you, Declan Rice. I'm stupidly and completely crazy in love with you and…”

“And so am I, Liv. I'm stupidly and completely crazy in love with you. I love you” he says before kissing me. 

And you know, even though we've kissed many times before, none of those kisses have felt like this one. There has not been a single kiss in my life that has made me feel the way this one is, to be honest. 

Because there has not been anyone I've loved the way I love Declan, and probably never will. 

[qoldenskies]

Yes yes yes I love ask games :3

14, 21, and 76? (for CL specifically on the last one!!)

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

i am a verrrryyyy sensitive person who's had a fair share of panic attacks (my record was uhhh three in a row in one school day! i think i was in seventh grade? but it was once a day for pretty much my whole sophmore year it was NASTY, especially because i had fits that could last hourrsss) so i really claw deep into my own experiences when i write guilt and spiraling thoughts, it's not really cathartic or triggering for me but it helps me get into their brains a little!! although i HAVE cracked at couple of scenes, never into tears but sometimes i find myself holding my breath or feeling a pit in my stomach. i was actually hyperventilating a little when i wrote cw ch11 it was craaaazy

really i think the thing ive tried to emphasize the most was to go out of my way not to make it... detached, i guess? its a limited third person pov so im thinking in the way they see the world, how things go in and out of focus, etc etc. it can fuck with the prose but i think punchy simplicity works well especially when it comes to scenes with despair/fear (i think of that one line "He was feverish and delirious. He was scared and alone. It was so dark." in CL because goddd he's just a kidddddd.,,,,,)

idk im mostly eyeballing like everything i dont have any concrete advice

21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

oh for sure at some point, maybe!! although i go at an extremely fast pace and my mind is always racing, and when i used to try to collaborate with my friends with ocs and stuff i always got. frustrated always having to consult them, so i would end up in my own little bubble and i always felt like such an asshole :( im worried i would end up doing something like that if i did, although i dont think i had problems doing it back in like 2019 so maybe? fanfic might be different, especially since its a lot more linear

its an appealing idea for sureeee, especially if i have a lot of synergy with the other person and i dont feel awkward presenting ideas LOL

76. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]?

ive gotten some ideas that i thought up AFTERWARDS, but when it comes to CL as i was writing it hmmm yeah i actually cut a couple of things because i put it out a little precooked,, originally i thought i was gonna release it on halloween!!

it was mostly in regards to the early stuff, little scenes that i thought would round out the pacing that i cut because i couldnt find any inspiration for them, but when it comes to the nasty abuse i will say: i was originally planning to show the beatdown in the hallway, and i wanted to rewrite the family meeting to make it worse. i've ACTUALLY been cornered like that by my family before (for uh. asking for therapy of all things, it's in the Traumatic Experience log, but its been years and they've all apologized and changed dw), although not to that extent, so i felt like i couldve made it longer. just make it crueler and crueler and crueler. and then i thought about it and was like Ehhhh raph wouldn't allow that he's not that far gone yet LOL. dude i was originally going to make them tear into EVERYTHING i could possibly think up. down to his little verbal quirks and the way he stands (and that's less from MY personal experience and more the way that i've seen people ONLINE shit talk others, especially neurodivergent lolcows. it was a very good source of inspiration). it was very close to getting nasstyyyyy.

OH and i wanted donnie to stay with april a little longer but it didnt turn out that way, i got her into the story like i wanted so success (and his absence gave them space to plan the murder attempt)

[saltynsassy31]

Honestly, despite this post being mainly about dbh, it's sorta of a general thing

But gosh, what's with the ship wars? I mean, every fandom has this problem (sorta, the only fandom I've rarely, if ever, experienced it was the splatoon fandom cuz even the most unfortunate ships are shipped lmao)

I be scrolling, tryna find like, just general content, and someone be fighting over it

And I feel its gotten worse as of late cuz it's gotten involved with familial stuff

I'm a big found family gal

It's why, when I first played Detroit, Kara's story line was my favourite at the time (as of coming back to the game, it's become Hank and Connor, but I blame my Iron dad phase for that lmao)

But I'm not gonna fight people who see it or interpreted their relationship differently. If it wasn't stated in canon, then it leaves the gate way open to any interpretation because that's the fun part of being in a fandom! Different points of view!

And I especially come from the POV of someone who shipped two characters the fandom viewed more as siblings. By the gods, the hate some people had.

I was never at the tail end of that heat, but my mutuals from a server were, and when I jumped in to defend them

Despite coming out victorious (in a sense lol), I wouldn't say it was worth the effort, waisted my breath on petty fighting and I don't wish to again

But on the other hand

I've also been on the other end where I saw two very popular shipped characters as familiar/just friends. It's weird cuz they were/are more popular to the (technically) canon couple and they very rarely, if ever interact (legit got gaslit by the fandom that they did, until I went to look into it and found a desert of canon interactions).

And it's frustrating.

I really wish people wouldn't fight over these petty things. But it's the Internet, what can ya do? I'll just do what I can to avoid this in-fighting, not my monkeys, not my circus ig.

Still though, sometimes it feels like shipping/seeing them as just family really just, leaves out nuance. I like seeing both ends because it's interesting! You don't have to, of course, but discrediting either ends is so boring. Especially in the case of DBH where there are so many endings (total of 85 people!), so many characters, so many possibilities. Being stuck on one interpretation feels redundant to the game.

Now, am I saying to not enjoy your favourite parts of the game? No! I'm not here to judge you! Create that blog about solely the ship or solely familial content! It's your blog! :D

Feel free to block out content you don't like, curate your space.

Just don't....discredit others for their own interpretation. Be kind, or at least tolerable.

Idk where I'm going with this post anymore. I'm Ms. Yapper and this is my yapping page, thats all I do here at this point XD.

Just be kind and enjoy your stuff! Quit fighting! (But don't confuse that with me saying don't have discourse or debates, those are fun too, talking and defending your POV, that's part of fandoms too, just don't attack one another unnecessarily)

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Rpg Anon: For the Bingo: Hinazumi, Soudaionji, Togahina, Naegiri, Fuyupeko, Tokomaru, Soruko, Saimatsu, Tsumioda, and everything. Yeah that's right. I'm throwing all the ships at ya.

//Aight, that's fair. Might as well get it out of the way.

//I really do wish that Mahiru was a more integral character to DR2's plot, because her interactions with Hajime in the Free Time Events are probably the cutest the game has to offer. Originally I was more of a Hinanami fan, and honestly I still am, but I've been corrupted by these two.

//Mahiru and Hajime are perfect catalysts for each other's character development, since one counters the others past trauma. Being someone who's just a meer photographer, Mahiru also has the potential to relate to Hajime more as a talentless individual.

//Ship is hella underrated, it needs more love.

//Outside of Survivor, I'm not CRAZY about this pair, and honestly, the only place I can think of it starting from is that one manga where Usami creates a Japanese festival and they have a bonding moment.

//It's kind of like a Nagatoro/Senpai relationship where the girl mercilessly bullies the boy because she likes him, and with these two, I can get behind that.

//Especially because of how much opposites attract. Hiyoko has a graceful design but a less than graceful personality, wheras Kazuichi is an honestly nice guy but looks and acts pathetic. There is potential there, but due to it being such a meager and not-well established ship, it lacks the fanbase movement to make it worth it.

//I didn't write down romantically or platonically on this one because the basic pair can go either way. This pairing is basically the definition of that high-school movie couple that's the pompous rich girl and the jock, except the gender roles are reversed, and honestly, I think that's pretty funny.

//Hina and Byakuya's progressions from adversaries to friends in DR1 and DR3 is actually pretty fun and natural, and the idea of Byakuya softening up around his classmates is one that I can more than get behind. Hina being the catalyst for it is also perfect.

//I kind of wish more people talked about this one.

//Don't think anyone's gonna argue with me for holding Naegiri in high regard. Makoto is the character who I have the MOST ships with, because I also think Sayaka and Mukuro make for amazing partners, but because Kyoko has spent the most time bonding with

//They have this theme where they can bring out themselves in each other to help balance out where their characters lean. Makoto is usually optimistic and wistful, but Kyoko can help bring him back down to earth and make him face reality if he ends up in a tizz. Alternatively, Makoto's optimism breaks Kyoko's ordinarily stone-cold expression, and it's shown in DR3 that she's gotten to the point that she is unashamed to speak highly of Makoto, because she's come to respect him and value him as a friend, something she would not have done in early DR1.

//They make each other the best versions of themselves and that's all a good relationship needs. Plus, the cool girl and lame boy dynamic is rarely ever not fun.

//These two got married after DR2 happened and nobody can tell me otherwise.

//Honestly though, as cute as I think Kuzupeko is, their actual canon relationship is kind of toxic. I know that's the point, but I like to think that Peko works herself out of that horrid mindset of being Fuyuhiko's servant and nothing else once she realizes how much he really loves her, not just romantically, but as a friend.

//Peko's also pretty good for Fuyuhiko's health. Even before any relationship upgrades I imagine he always vents to her about stupid shit because he can't trust anyone else with it, and thinking about that makes me realize how much they trust each other. They deserve one another, and no one else should have them.

//What I find most hilarious about Tokomaru is that it's basically just Naegiri with baggage. Rather, MORE baggage. Also, lots more screen time and room for development, since UDG is basically ABOUT these two and outside of every horrible thing that game brought, this relationship was not one of them.

//Like her brother, Komaru can be easily overwhelmed, emotional and sometimes too optimistic for her own good, and Toko helps mediate this with her more cynical and realistic personality. In turn, Komaru's more ordinary high school girl nature and her own quirks as a character suit Toko well, normalizing HER fucked up writing and bringing out the human side that she SERIOUSLY lacked in DR1.

//Speaking from the heart, I actually think these two are my current favourite couple in DR Survivor. I already talked in a previous post how writing Toko is one of the most fun and engaging things I've ever done, and I'm proud to see the natural progression of this pair and how far they've come together. If only DR weren't cowards and made them canonical lesbian lovers.

//WHERE IS UDG2 GOD DAMMIT!?

//Soruko is a pair that I love, but I have a hard time writing because Sora can sometimes be a MASSIVE DICK to her wife. Not that she means it, but sometimes I feel like I inadvertently make Sora this big dick energy monster who wants dominance over Yoru, and that's NOT what these two are.

//I get why they don't want to just write proper ships in even the fangames, but these two had such an intense amount of sexual tension between them for most of Another 2, and the way their stories end is frankly tragic and bittersweet.

//I have LOTS of problems with Another 2, really, I do. But these two were one of the things that actually drew me into the game. I think they should have kissed at least

//This is my favourite ship in canon and has been so since the dawn of time. It takes aspects from all the other relationships in Danganronpa I love and meshes them together in a sweet romantic lasagna.

//My biggest GRIPE is how little we got to actually SEE of these two, and the fact that whatever romantic scenes we get of them are called forced by a majority of the fandom. And I will admit, stories like Three-Point Shot and others like it portray Saimatsu in a much better way than the main series does. But the potential is unmatched.

//Like Tokomaru and Naegiri, one is an optimistic girl who is given reality checks by the more serious boy, who also has clear past trauma and depression that is quelled by the optimistic girl. It's the PERFECT healthy dynamic, and the good thing about it is that neither Kaede nor Shuichi are ever portrayed as perfect protagonists. In fact, they perfectly cover for the other's flaws to help sustain that balance. Their designs reflect this as well with Kaede's faded but colors being the basic reverse pallete of Shuichi's darker ones. Even as one of Shuichi's more well established ships, these two deserve more attention.

//Ooooooh fuuuuuck...I have a LOT to say about this one...

//This is probably my favorite ship in the series, possibly only beaten by Saimatsu. More people need to talk about this pair, it's frankly the best that the both of them can find among whatever pairings they might have.

//They have basically no interactions in the games and I think that's REALLY sad actually, because their dynamic of the emotionally strong girl and the emotionally frail girl has potential that just isn't explored, when it SHOULD be. Especially considering that Ibuki is probably the only character who can definitively FIX what's wrong with Mikan.

//Ibuki's entire Free Time Event storyline is all about her being herself, but also subtly helping Hajime overcome his fears and insecurities as a person by naturally taking his mind off them to have fun, and this really does help Hajime. If ANYONE needs therapy like that, it's Mikan. And Ibuki is just so naturally optimistic and charismatic, even Mikan should be able to see that nothing Ibuki does is foreplay or taking advantage of her.

//LET THESE TWO BE A THING!

-Mod

[bonesandthebees]

If u wanna talk more about the tntduo detective au I am ALL ears 👀👀👀 but also totally understand if u wanna keep it a secret for now hehehe

honestly I have no idea where I'm going with it so I'll throw it to the wind and let you guys chew on it while I let it simmer lol

so basically I started watching true detective: night country the other night with my mom and I immediately got inspired (I have not seen the first season of true detective although I really want to watch it now and hopefully will soon). also, I've always had a fascination with the polar nights phenomena. I've gone on wikipedia binges before reading about Utquiagvik (the Alaskan town I'm fairly sure the town in true detective s4 is based off of) which experiences polar night for roughly two months or so, and I've also gotten a few videos in my Youtube recommended from a youtuber who lives in Svalbard which experiences polar night for nearly three months. so suffice to say the concept of a several month long night has intrigued me for a while, and finding a show literally set during that multi-month nighttime immediately piqued my interest.

and when I watch really fun things I usually get the urge to write something in the same genre. originally I thought about a crimeboys detective duo fic, but then I was like wait has anyone done tntduo as detective partners? because I know there's crimeboys detective fics out there but I don't know if I've seen many of them for tntduo. and I realized that would just be a very fun dynamic for the two of them.

so grizzled small town detective partners tntduo who bicker like an old married couple, seem to have a lot of shit in their past between them, work incredibly well together and bounce off of each other perfectly during investigations, and also have the kind of tension where no one else in the room with them can tell if they want to punch each other or make out just felt like the perfect vibe to dig into. all set against the backdrop of a frigid arctic circle town that's in the midst of a 2 month long night. and then someone gets murdered.

so this post doesn't get too long I'll talk more about the specifics of the au under the cut

so tbh this idea while it is tntduo /r, it wouldn't be that focused on that and more focused on the murder investigation going on. besides our two overly tired small town detectives that definitely aren't repressing any feelings towards each other, we have several other characters going about their lives as well! of course tommy is there. he's a junior officer who only joined the police force a year before the start of the story (also, yes I'm very acab when it comes to real life but I just wanna write one of those stereotypical murder investigation stories man).

anyway, tommy is only 20 and his dad, phil, was part of the force for most of tommy's life. once he turned 18 though phil quit because he'd always hated the institution of police (and government in general) (although like wilbur he was a detective) but wanted to have a stable job to keep his kid supported. phil was... not thrilled in tommy's career choice, but who is he to protest?

phil mentored wilbur during his early years in the force, and in turn wilbur mentors tommy. he's trying to teach him how to think like an investigator, and will often ask him questions to get his brain turning pieces of evidence over and try to get him to look at situations in different ways.

since quitting and getting that sweet sweet government retirement money, phil pretty much spends all his time at his bestie techno's place. techno is the town hermit who lives on the outskirts. he also breeds sled dogs (not formally he just has a lot of dogs since people need them in that kind of weather) and usually has 10 huskies at a time running around his cabin. techno might also be a retired eco-terrorist but wilbur knows not to ask too many questions about that and quackity is scared of techno so he's definitely not gonna bring it up.

niki is a phd student from germany working at the nearby arctic research station for her dissertation. she focuses a lot of her studies on climate change and all that. she and wilbur are best friends and has heard way too many drunken ramblings about quackity.

jack manifold is one of tommy's best friends and works at the oil fields that employ most of the town. he's trying to get placed onto a proper oil rig out in the ocean at some point since those jobs pay really well. he's friends with niki too, although his job and her research certainly cause a bit of contention between them.

tubbo is another best friend of tommy's. he's born and raised in the arctic town but he went off to a prestigious uni down south to get a nuclear engineering degree so he's not really around for the most part

sam oversees and manages all the oil pumps and makes sure things are running smoothly. and in turn, schlatt owns the oil fields. he and quackity have, uh, a history.

and lastly, ranboo is an intern at the research station that niki is doing her dissertation work at. they're also close friends with tommy, although wilbur and quackity both have only met them a few times. the whole story kicks off when they go missing one day, only to be found dead outside in the frigid temperatures within a few hours. that's when the mystery kicks off against the backdrop of a nearly three month long night :)

anyway I do have the overarching mystery figured out, but it's the actual specific plotting bit i'm struggling with. I really don't want to write the entire investigation but also I don't wanna just write a single scene bc theres so much going on in this universe I wanna show arghhhh. and also I love slowburn and I think the really weird tense dynamic tntduo have in this would be so intriguing with that layered on top of it. just arghhhh motivation and time.

hope you enjoyed learning about my brainrot over the past few days lol I already made a playlist for this fic even though I don't think I'm gonna write it it's so joever for me

[iciatheguardess]

Hiiii it’s meeee elsie

conflicted Elsie

Look, you know as well as I do that I love TAOCC to freaking death

but like

I may have to partially step away from it after the current arcs are over.

these goofy goobers took over my life for the last three-ish months, and while I’ve had an amazing time, it’s…caused me to neglect other parts of my life, and restrict myself more than I should when it comes to how I am on this site. I’ve stated my intention to try and branch out multiple times but I never go through with it because I just…I have things to write here! I can’t! And yeah it’s fun but sometimes I get hurt even if people don’t mean to, like, I’ve gotten legitimately ill from this once or twice.

But I feel like even trying to step away a bit is somehow abandoning all of you or betraying your trusts. I want to stay friends with you guys, but my actual life and Irlsie has to come first most of the time, because I am not JUST Elsie, if that makes any sense. Elsewhere is and was always meant to be a sona for some interaction, maybe some friendos, but nothing this…involved, because I can’t put all of my social effort onto the internet because no matter what I do, the internet is not a completely genuine place, and I’ve accepted that. There are some parts of my personality I just don’t use. You don’t really ever see calm Elsie or mental illness Elsie or sappy Elsie, maybe once or twice, and that’s intentional. This is Writing Elsie’s blog, lol, but there’s other Elsie that needs to be allowed to exist outside of the internet, and I can’t neglect her or my actual life for the sake of this.

I honestly don’t know what to do here. I love these characters on a very personal level, and have poured my heart into them, and I don’t want to straight up leave them. Even only partially separating myself seems kinda pointless because I know what happens when someone gets really behind on the lore and has to be caught up on even just a day’s events to explain why Character A looks like this now or Character B is referencing this event, etc. etc.

But there’s a point where it’s not healthy anymore. Where things reach a place where I have to admit that this can’t be my entire life anymore. And I’m not entirely sure what on earth I should do about it…

If I do somewhat step back, it’ll probably be right after the vacation arc ends. i’m gonna pour my fluff loving heart and soul into that thing, don’t you worry. But you shouldn’t expect another dungeon or something like that from me unless I have a VERY good reason and a well formulated plan. Yes, I’ll probably still engage in shippery and fluff, as well as analysis, but mostly within the bounds of characters and dynamics we’ve already established, and not much farther than that. My one exception to the “after the vacation arc” rule would probably be Yelena’s arc, because of how long things in that section tend to take, for various reasons. Yelena’s arc is barely started, and stuff takes possibly days to move even a few hours in-universe. Sooooo….yeah, I wanna finish that, I’ve put too much work into it already to just stop it.

…dang this was only supposed to be a paragraph…

…pls halp, I have no idea what to do lol.

Ok. I've read over this a couple times.

First off, I'm talking to you as L here, and not Star. I am very, very proud of you for acknowledging this and understanding that this is getting unhealthy. I think it's very smart that you dont want to neglect your yourself irl and the fact you're saying this, and saying exactly what you'll be doing, I'm really proud of it.

To give you a clear answer, if it's going to help you irl then I think stepping back is smart. Especially from the trauma and angst, because that stuff hurts a LOT and it can be really, really detrimental and negatively affect irl things. What I DONT think is that it's betraying anyone. You need to be able to put yourself and your needs first in order to be your best self, and everyone understands that you can't be on tumblr 24/7 because, well, that's really really really really unhealthy and not good. I'm really glad you're telling me about this though so I, and everyone else who sees this, knows.

TAOCC is really great but there's a LOT of heavy things on here and with everything going on, it can be super weighing and really affect people irl. I can speak from experience because honestly, I'm in a similar situation. I won't speak much about that though. It's definitely addictive and can get really really unhealthy if you let it, and honestly it's not hard to let it.

I want you to do whatever you feel is best for you, no matter what that entails. Fei and Tails and Xeya and Kumo and so many others and I love you so much and do NOT want you neglecting yourself and your life irl for this- it's meant to be entertainment, not a lifestyle.

I think it's smart to finish Yelena's Arc before partially stepping back. And I think it's even smarter to not want to do another dungeon, because that whole thing was a massive angst-fest and I think it negatively affected people more than they care to admit. Shippery and fluff and minor things is a good boundary.

I'll wrap this up now, but again, I'm in full support of this decision because I want you to be at your best. You're right, you're not just Elsie. And it's not fair for you to only be Elsie when you're so much more than that. If stepping away from tumblr will help you take care of the other parts of your life that we aren't involved in or aware of, then please do so because no part of you and your life should be sacrificed for the sake of entertainment.

Again, I'm really, really proud of you for admitting this.

Please know we'll always support you and you're super important to all of us, so don't ever feel bad for putting your needs first. Irl things should always come first.

But no matter what always remember:

WE LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH AND YOURE SUPER IMPORTANT AND WE WANT THE BEST FOR YOUUU ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Everything I said is applicable for everyone else reading this too. Taocc is fantastic and we love it but it shouldn't completely take over your life. It's okay to take a break or step back fully if it means the best for your health and irl life. Please remember to take care of yourselves- and everything that Elsie talked about here is FANTASTIC self care. It may be hard, but it's also the best decision she can make for herself and may be the best decision for others too.

Alright- I think I covered everything. Don't ever feel like you're betraying us Elsie- it's not betrayal, it's self care. We'll still be here for you, always. Never forget that ❤️❤️❤️

[getvalentined]

Finally updated my directory with the links to bsky and cara, as well as links to my screenshot and gif tags for easier access (for me, mostly) and the Strifentine tag because it belongs with my top ships.

I keep wondering if I should put a little list of my NOTPs and disliked characters up there too, but ehhh. I have one on my website, and the fact that I dislike a ship or a character doesn't mean I'm gonna talk shit or anything. I don't like Ang*al and still dedicated almost 2k words to creating closure for the character at the end of Smoke and Mirrors, I don't like Lucrecia and I still go to bat for her pretty regularly—these are good characters, I just don't personally like them, and don't like how the fandom treats them. Ships are a little more touchy, since people can be really bad at tagging them, but I can just scroll on by and not engage in conversation about them for the most part.

More personal random update nonsense under the cut.

I'm actually feeling really down lately, for a handful of reasons. Some of it is the weather and air quality recently (it's so hot I want to throw up, there's been smoke in the air so I can't breathe, etc.), but some of it is more...mental and emotional, I guess.

I am so artistically burnt out I kinda want to die (I have no plans to make this happen, don't worry), but I'll deal with it. I've been like this since Turtle's health scare a few months back, when I got less than ten hours of sleep in the span of a week, and then proceeded to get less than five hours a night for the two weeks following, so it's no shock I'm still a mess. It doesn't seem like it's going anywhere any time soon, which sucks because I still owe people commissions from fundraising for her treatment. I may end up just...saving up to refund people.

The issue is that I feel like I can't draw unless I'm working on commissions, but when I try to work on commissions I literally burst into tears and can't do anything. It's a really fucked up cycle where I end up just paralyzed and on the verge of throwing up every time I even think about drawing, which is super hard on me as an artist. I feel like a failure, I feel like I'm letting everyone down, I feel like I'm ruining everyone's opinions of me forever. It's a really shitty feeling.

I'll figure something out. I'm an adult, that's what I have to do.

Speaking of people with ruined opinions of me, I think I'm going to start muting or unfollowing people who reblog/interact a lot with BB$C. I know she has a lot of friends, and maybe she's gotten better, but she still has me blocked so I'm not exactly hopeful. This is the woman who (apparently) told her friends that I abused and lied about her because one of my friends reported and called her out for tracing, and when she faced no consequences I made a vague sad thread on the general topic of popularity rendering unethical behavior acceptable in modern fandom. I only found out that she was seemingly telling people I abused her because one of her friends made a public comment on the twits about me being abusive—on a QRT of my thread detailing how I'd spent the previous year being abused by my now-ex. Very cool for me, the knowledge that some people saw that I'd been abused and went "oh she deserves it though" doesn't haunt me to this day or anything.

It's been a couple years since it all went down, but I just...I dunno, I feel like it's hard to genuinely improve as a person without even trying to make amends with the person she said those things about? But who knows. I'd be down to talk if she ever wanted to, but she hasn't yet, and I don't assume she will. I'm one of like four people on the planet who cares anyway, so it is what it is.

Summer is a rough time of year for me in general, so I'm struggling a lot recently with feeling like I deserve to even talk to other people at all. Constantly seeing the name of someone who went out of her way to make sure that I'd never feel welcome in a community I've been part of for a quarter century pop up on my dash all the time is not conducive to fighting that feeling.

Not to pity party over here, but I do get it. My older sister, my ex, BB$C—they're charming and creative and supportive, the people that they like generally don't get to see how they can be to the people that they don't. In the rare cases that they do see it, they change the narrative to make that person into something irredeemable, downplaying their own actions (if they admit to them at all) while exaggerating the actions of the person they dislike. These people have friends that genuinely love them, so of course they're going to believe their friend over some sad-sack stranger on a dying blogging platform. It's no fault to these people that they believe their friends.

(Just to clarify, I'm not saying that my ex tried to kill me the way my older sister did, or that BB$C was abusive in the way my ex was; these are diminishing levels of trauma. She and I were never friends, our sole one-on-one interaction was me approaching her on a zine project to make sure she was comfortable with me having created a piece of spot art that seemed to have ripped off her page art; I'd done it without realizing the concept had already been used elsewhere in the project, and didn't want her to assume I was copying her without credit. The irony of this is not lost on me.)

It would just be nice to feel like the truth means anything. I'm an abusive liar because I apparently said that this woman traced a bunch of her work; not only did I not report her, but it also isn't a lie. There are overlays with over a half-dozen screenshots and official renders to prove it. But even when her friends are shown those overlays, which I have done, it doesn't matter. The goal posts move, and suddenly I'm abusive just for caring that she traced at all. Allegedly lying is what made me abusive, but somehow I'm still abusive even if I didn't lie—and she's still the nicest person in the world, even though she did.

I do hope she's better. I hope her friends have helped her to become the kind of person who looks back at what she did with guilt and shame, and that she uses those feelings to improve. But seeing her name pop up over and over, sometimes from people who know what she did and still decided to re-follow her years later anyway, is a little too much for me to handle right now.

[an-au-blog]

Just craving fluff and imagining College Au Shuggy celebrating the holidays by just doing very unchristmassy things together. They both seem like the type to like certain aspects of Christmas only to then be hit by waves of depression when the actual holiday arrives, so they just huddle under the covers together and watch Christmas classics such as “Die hard” or Gremlins together instead while eating Pizza and drinking eggnog till they can’t stand this stuff for another year. Buggy gives Shanks his gift at 2 am in the morning, an extremely ugly and old tacky sweater he found at a thrift shop a while ago. Shanks can immediately tell that it was cheap and Buggy most likely just went out and got him… SOMETHING, but also it’s hideous in a way he just adores and it has one of his favorite childhood cartoon characters on it and the fact alone Buggy went out and got him something is PERFECT and to Buggy’s horror that thing is gonna be his favorite sweater till the end of time. Buggy on the other hand suffers a mild mental breakdown and “Oh god I am the scum of the earth” reaction because Shanks actually went into a makeup store and got him an expensive eyeshadow Palette that Buggy has been eyeing for a while now. Kicker is Shanks didn’t even know that’s the Palette Buggy wanted, he legit just spent an hour in there with a picture of Buggy describing what Buggy looks for in makeup and what colors he likes and such and such and accidentally just landed on the correct one and rightfully deducted that he would probably like this one.

“WHY DID YOU GO AHEAD AND BUY ME THAT YOU HORRIBLE, UNFLASHY FANTASTIC BOYFRIEND?!” “I thought it would make you happy.” “IT WOULD IF I GOTTEN YOU ANYTHING GOOD AS WELL!! JUST A BED BATH AND BEYOND GIFTCARD WOULD HAVE BEEN WORSE!!” “Come on Buggy I love this thing-“ “THIS IS LIKE GIFT OF THE MAGI IF IT SUCKED EVEN MORE THAN IT ALREADY DOES!” “You could always kiss me to make up for it.” “I ALREADY DO THAT.” “Then let me kiss you… AND you’ll have to let me do it for the entire day without telling me I’m being sappy or disagreeing with me when I talk about how much I love you.” “…. Okay but you’re not allowed to say weird shit about my nose.” “…Can I kiss your nose?” “Ugh. I’ll allow it. But not in public!” “Deal. I won’t talk about how cute and kissable your nose is and I especially won’t talk about how cute and kissable it is in front of other people.” “YOU JUST- AUGH! You’re horrible! An absolutely awful boyfriend!” “Glad to have landed someone as amazing as you then.” “You-“ “Ah! We agreed on not disagreeing when I talk about how great you are!” “….fine.” “I love you... and I love how hard you blush when you can’t answer with a sassy comeback” “….mmmmnnnggghh!!! loveyoutoo.”

At first I was like "awww this is so adorable:')" but thwn I got to the dialogue part and went "ok, so we're assuming they're gonna get together, now are we ahahah"

I'm guessing you're the same anon who sent me a couple other college au asks - so first off: Thank you, you honestly keep me productive and remind me to finish this fic lol (since I named some of the others, maybe I can call you ogan - bc og anon or something idk, you can refuse or give me another nickname if you want...)

But also... have I given any indication that this will be a story with a happy end? Because, I've written ends with a doomed one sided love triangle, one of the main characters being hated by the love of their life and in a hospital, while the one the other was chasing rejected them indefinitely... it was my magnum opus for quite a while, so who's to say I'll give this one an ending like that?

I'm joking, I'm joking... or am I >;]]]

Anyway, I love the idea of them spending the holidays together! Buggy doesn't really have any close relatives to go to, all his friends went home, and thinks that Shanks is the same way, because why else would he stay behind with him?

Shanks is just so happy that he can finally be with his boyfriend. He makes hot cocoa (and it's horrible, but Buggy remakes it), he buys a cardboard cutout of a Christmas tree and they put stickers on it instead of decorations. At one point they start printing out memes and pictures of themselves and stick them on there as well. (Shanks secretly writes a wish, something cheesey like how he wants them to be like this for the rest of their lives, on the back of some of the photos)

In all reality, I believe that "Die Hard" and "Home Alone" (because these two franchises are basically the same, just one is kid coded lol) would be both Shanks and Buggy's favourites. I mean look at how they turned out ahahaha tho I must confess, I've never seen Gremlins, so I'll just trust you on that one':)

I also think thay Buggy would get horrible gifts very purposefully. Like he would look for hours to find the most raggedy and washed out looking sweater with the ugliest print of like... a green cow on red mars with a Christmas hat on both the cow and mars saying "moo-ry christmas" in comic sans or something horrifying like that. Like that one video of the guy who bought a card for the wrong occasion, for wrote a message to someone else and scratched out the name to look like it was a second hand card. I couldn't find the og video but I found this tiktok, hope it helps with the explanation.

In my mind Buggy thinks it's hilarious. Him and Shanks both love pranks and just jokes like this in general, so he would get it, right? Shanks liking it unironically wasn't in the plan. But then bad comes to worse and Shanks takes gift giving seriously - Buggy is caught off guard.

I love the image of Shanks standing in the cosmetics section of a big store that was one of the best according to google. He's just staring intensely, and color checking, and googling, and staring again - trying his best to remember everything Buggy had told him about make-up.

At some moment in the time he's searching, one of the workers there goes up to him to see if he needs help thinking "aw, poor lost man looking for something for his girlfriend, he looks like he needs help" and then Shanks shows her a picture of an honest to God clown going "I want the best for my boyfriend". And they have a little "This is your man?" "yeah" "Look at the picture" "that's mine :')" "and you're ok with this?" "imma stick beside him " moment. And then they just start looking together. Before they notice it's a whole horde of helpers and Shanks going all, "is that teal? I think he said he loves teal, but not one with glitter, wait, bring back the cherry red. Can you compare it to the sour cherry. Which one would match his lipstick best? This one's his favorite." and they're like a council, super invested at that point.

I also like to think that on new years eve, they're watching a marathon, and Buggy just falls asleep on Shanks's chest halfway through. He does that often and Shanks loves it. He doesn't even care that much that sometimes his make-up would be imprinted on his shirt .

Shanks showing love to Buggy's nose, despite his insecurities, makes me melt. (spoilers ig:) I was going to have a little dialogue/confrontation that portrayed that, but I was going to make it a "Shanks not caring about it and just acting like it's not there" thing, but him actually thinking it's cute and being all loving towards the one thing he's most insecure about is actually way better. I might utilize it later on lol :))

[themandaloriansdiaries]

Prompts List

when sending in your request please let me know which character/person you would like, as well as what category you would like. please give me a brief rundown on how you would like for it to go as well. or I can choose which direction it goes in. also! please make sure when you choose a prompt include the number as well!

I do not take credit for these prompts!! I've looked through different prompt lists and mixed them up.

Kiss

"can i kiss you?"

"are you sure about this?"

"close your eyes"

"wanna practise?"

"i really, really want to kiss you right now"

"i think i deserve a kiss"

"if you win, i'll kiss you"

"kiss me again"

"are you wearing chapstick?"

"shut up" (affectionately)

"you'll have to teach me"

"was that okay?"

"you're gonna get lipstick all over me"

"i think this is the part where you're supposed to kiss me"

"just follow my lead"

"one more kiss? please?"

"can we do that again?"

"i like kissing you"

"wanna make out?"

"don't speak. just kiss me"

"your lips are so soft, I could kiss 'em all day"

Fluff

"I miss you"

"close your eyes"

" aw, you're so cute"

"you've always felt like home"

"you make me feel alive"

"i wouldn't change a thing about you"

"did I ever tell you how beautiful your eyes are?"

"I love you"

"why the hell is there glitter everywhere?"

"why don't you take a picture? it'll last longer"

"its too cold, come back"

"your hair is so soft"

"no, i'm not letting you go. its too early to get out of bed"

"im not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention"

"come here, you can sit on my lap until im done working"

"shh, you're safe. I won't let you go"

"you make me feel safe"

"you're a little shit but you're my little shit"

"do you want to stay over tonight?"

"can I hold your hand?"

"everything has been different since I fell in love with you"

"shh, its okay love, it was just a bad dream"

"stay with me please"

"my heart beats for nothing except you"

"could you hold my hand?"

"go to sleep, you haven't gotten any rest in the past couple of days"

"i'm having your child"

"I've been excited to see you all day"

"'i've lost everything, i'd be stupid enough to lose you"

"can I at least shut the door before you decide to pounce on me the moment I come home?"

Angst

"talk to me please"

"of all people, you?"

"I guess I wasn't enough, was I ?"

"I don't think I can look at you and not think of how you killed every last bit of love I had for you"

"sometimes its so confusing- if you were the one that didn't deserve me, or if it was the other way around"

"if time healed everything, then I would've gotten over you by now. its been years and i'm still where I am while I watch you move on from multiple me's"

"the ghost of you lingers around me everywhere, every second of the day. I just want it to stop. please"

"you're not leaving, are you?"

"don't leave me, please"

"don't do this to yourself"

"I can't just sit by and do nothing when you're suffering so much"

"talk to me please"

"let me help you"

"stop pushing me away"

"you haven't been yourself lately"

"please, just let me go"

"i'm not going anywhere"

"its better this way"

"theres nothing you can do"

"I don't want to lose you too"

"am I too late?"

"just leave"

"you said you'd always be there for me.. how come you weren't there when I fucking needed you"

"just go, leave! its the least you can do after all the pain you've caused me"

"why can't you love me back"

"you're breaking me"

"you did this to me"

"I can never look at you the same after that"

"you were my everything"

"get away from me"

Protective

"get behind me"

"hold my hand, okay? its gonna be over soon"

"close your eyes for me love"

"when I say run, I need you to do as I say without looking back, and don't wait for me"

"its all going to be okay, they will never hut you again"

"I swear to you, that as long as I'm alive I won't let a single soul harm you"

"listen to me.. take deep breaths, yes follow my breathing just like that. theres no need to panic, i'm right here now, aren't I? you're safe"

"when you love something, you are to protect it with your entire life at stake, and right now, my gut tells me to do the same"

"I'll be back very soon, but don't come out. stay hidden until I come back and try not to make a noice, hmm?"

"i'm so sorry, I wish I would've never left you alone! if I knew this would happen, I would've never left you alone"

"don't ever leave my sight again"

"do you trust me?"

"be more careful next time. I don't want to have to bandage you up again"

"you came back"

"I'm going to protect you"

"I got your back"

"I heard you scream, nightmares again?"

"why? because I don't want you to get hurt, that's why"

"promise me you'll be safe"

"I don't feel comfortable with you going there on your own"

Feel free to use any of these! Tag me in your work, I’d love to read them🫶🏽

[many-gay-magpies]

For the ask game thing! If they haven’t been asked yet I’m super curious about 8, 15, 20, 23 & 24 (you do NOT have to answer all of those I’m just like super nosey and also pester-y)

oh thank you, i love to yap and i am absolutely answering all of these kdbfjfbfn (answering most of the non-fandom-specific questions about dbda because. well yeah)

8: i hope more people will come to appreciate...

honestly there are a ton of people that appreciate crystal in this fandom, and i am very gratified by the amount of people and posts i see preaching that she needs more appreciation/understanding/love, but like. there will never be enough crystal appreciation in my opinion. and while a lot of people love her character just as much as i do, there are also people (mostly in fics) that treat her more as an afterthought/backdrop for the boys or don't seem to really like her for her actual canonical traits, so i absolutely want more people to appreciate the beautiful mess that is crystal palace. and hey theres a whole crystal appreciation week coming up so thats gonna rock!!

although on a non dbd note. SCOTT MCCALL. hes literally the main character of teen wolf and hes amazing please love him. also alan deaton, he rocks and he gets far too much hate

15: the character that always makes me smile

unless its something angsty, i smile so fucking stupid every time i see charles rowland and his stupid pretty face i swear. his smile and goofiness and HAPPINESS are utterly contagious and i love him so much

20: my very first fandom

it was probably my little pony jfbjfbfjf. i'm talking when i was like,, i dunno eight? i wrote a whole fanfic for it in the notes of my service-less basically-ipod-with-extra-features little phone and made cheesy nextgens and everything. and if it wasn't mlp then it was how to train your dragon for sure, i was obsessed with reading fics from the dragons' POVs where they found more night furies and stuff. also crossovers. i had a grand old time!

23: the fandom i'm curious about because of a mutual

i can't think of any i'm interested because of a MUTUAL SPECIFICALLY, but god the amount of people putting that gay firefighter show on my dash has gotten me INTRIGUED. i actually went and tried to watch it but i couldn't and the intrigue has faded with my failure but its still there a little bit. also bridgerton, i've been seeing lots of bridgerton on the dash and it is tempting me. OH ALSO! i almost forgot, but interview with a vampire! and i actually did give into temptation with that one and watch the first episode while eating dinner a couple nights ago, it was absolutely amazing.

24: how has fandom positively impacted my life?

i think the biggest positive impact i've gotten from fandom is the sheer volume of interactions ive had with other people, and the friends i've gotten from that. like, i still have you from when i was mainly posting about teen wolf, and i've made so many great connections in the dbd fandom, whether they're just people i've made an impression on with my art and writing or people i've formed full friendships with (shoutout to nimm @babyseraphim for being probably the best friend ive made in this fandom? i love how loving dbd enabled me to meet and connect with you over so much OTHER stuff we have in common).

i really just love being able to connect with so many people over common interests and opinions; i've gotten a lot more outgoing/confident lately, irl as well as online, and i feel like fandom is at least partially to thank for that. ❤️

[applestorms]

🛳️ 🐌 💥 🪩 for the ask game?

hell yeahhh (original post here)

🛳️ Are there any new ships you want to write for? (Platonic, romantic, or anything in between.)

birthdaymassacre is the first thing that comes to mind, though i wouldn't mind dipping my toes into the moonriver a lil either. i've also had this one really distinct yagamane fic idea plotted out for a while now, so we'll see if i ever get around to expanding that into a proper fic instead of like. two pages of notes LMFAO

in terms of non-romantic relationships, i am Always wanting to expand on wammy's house stuff, particularly in terms of lawlight interacting w/ meronia. The Potential. it's There. also more beyond-- getting a physical copy of LABB has really gotten me back into all of His shit again recently lolol.

🐌 What is one of your smallest writing goals?

hmm smallest in what sense? i suppose in the very short term, posting this fic i'm currently in the process of doing final edits on (it'll be out in a couple hours lol). this question is tough cuz i feel like most if not all of my writing goals are some kind of long-term practice thing =3=" i guess Get Weirder maybe counts. i've grown to really like superegos over the last few weeks since i feel like it ended up being a really interesting twist on the usual sex robot tropes (interesting to me, anyway) and i hope i can do something similar again. there's an honesty that i genuinely feel like i can't get at unless i allow my writing to be fully weird and/or off-putting to the degree that i want it to be, so. also-- really Committing to writing some proper horror. though that gets a bit into the next question...

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

i have been Frothing at the mouth wanting to write the meronia sequel to praise the sweetness after K put the idea in my head however many months ago. thx for that. after my DJRBB fic this is my Top priority for fic writing moving forward. i fear talking about this in much more depth since i haven't gotten much down get and my ideas will inevitably change (also latent paranoia that the more i talk about something the more likely it is the fic will bury itself away to die a quiet death in my drafts. can't talk too much they can smell it and panic easily) but. yeah :)) putting mello thru the cult torment nexus 👍

also might post a little birthdaymassacre ficlet but We'll See, i'm still deciding if i want to commit to expanding on that or not.

🪩 Do you have any "good" writing habits you want to cultivate?

writing regularly!! and watching my tenses. screams. mostly just writing regularly. i think i got into a decent schedule last quarter but my classes are gonna change again after break so i'll probably have to re-figure my fic writing time again depending on how busy i get. the goal is always a little bit daily but frankly i don't invest too much in that while school is active since i don't want to totally exhaust myself or turn this into a chore that i hate. i feel like most other writing goals/improvement comes down to this though, thinking about writing means jack shit for me unless i actually try and Do It once in a while. i should also probably try to critically read my old shit to see what things i'd like to work on but, eh. we'll see.

[cryptidsurveys]

Monday, November 4th, 2024.

Do you ever get super bad buzzing in your ears? It's more like a super high-pitched frequency. It only lasts for a few seconds and then it disappears. (Also, I started this survey a couple of days ago, so if there's any continuity confusion, that would be why.)

Do you know anyone who has actually been in an alcohol or drug related crash? I might, but I don't know all the details and I don't know her well enough to ask. There may have been drugs/alcohol involved, but from what I can gather, the main motivator was suicidal tendencies.

What is so wrong with cigarettes? Are you fucking serious? <- For real. I might be a smoker, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend it's a harmless habit.

Did you celebrate Fathers Day? No. I love my dad, but we didn't do anything special.

Do you actually think you’re funny? I have my moments.

Have you ever had a deep conversation with someone who was high on anything? Yeah.

Do you ever wonder if there really is someone who can complement your personality well enough to stay together for the rest of your life? Lol, I was just talking about this the other day. Like, I go to bed sooo early, my entire life revolves around the animal shelter, I've watched that outer space video a zillion times already, and yes, I am going to eat the same thing for dinner AGAIN. Is somebody gonna match my freak?

Do you hate how being bisexual is like a trend? I don't notice anyone in my life treating it that way…or even really mentioning their sexuality at all except in passing.

Have you ever gotten a professional massage? I have. When I was a child, my mom had a massage therapist and I went to her a few times to see if it would help with migraines (unfortunately, it did not).

Do you have a good relationship with your first love? I don't have any relationship with him now, but at least on my end there's no hard feelings.

What is something you’re currently nervous about? We might get some snow over the next few days (we'll see - it might just be rain) and I'm a little nervous to drive in it.

Do you have a popup blocker installed on your computer? I honestly don't know. I don't get any pop-ups, though.

Do you feel like you have life figured out? No.

Have you ever used a laptop in a coffee shop? I haven't.

What was the last worst feeling you felt? A sense of falling into a terrible abyss. I was so worried I wasn't going to be able to volunteer at the shelter anymore because of the whole Alex situation/fallout, but I spent all that time worrying for nothing. It wasn't even close to that serious. There was no mention or even a suggestion that they were going to "fire" me. I was in hell for the few days leading up to that meeting, though. :')

Do you ever tend to over-analyse? Yeah. My previous answer is a good example, but it's typically much smaller stuff. I'll overthink someone's tone of voice, a joke they told, why they said a certain thing, etc. I've gotten into the habit of reminding myself that it's just "mental illness shit." I can try to figure out why I feel that way later on, but in the moment, I have to let it go.

Do you know anyone that like, no matter WHAT, they’re always pissed off? Diane is often grumpy, but I'm at least somewhat sympathetic about it. She's older, she just wants to be able to retire, and she has to deal with the public all day (and in a setting such as the animal shelter, that can be especially emotionally taxing).

How do you react when you’re pissed off? One example would be how I reacted to some of Diane's comments back in September. I try to avoid impulsively expressing the full extent of my emotions, though, because one - it's often futile, and two - it just makes things worse than they already are.

What celebrity did your most current ex resemble? I don't know.

What is something creepy that has happened to you (or someone you know) recently? Nothing creepy has happened to me, but there was a recent Walmart lockdown incident in the city in which Paris lives, and she happened to be there at the time.

If you named your car or family car, what would you call it? My dad and I call his car the spaceship. I don't have any creative ideas for mine, though.

What would you do if you were faced with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy (at your current age)? I'm not sure what I would do.

What does it take for someone to earn your trust? I don't know. Those who have it, have it, but I don't think there's anything anyone can do to earn it at this time.

Is there anything you should be worried about? I don't think so.

Are you dealing with any health-related problems right now? Just migraines. Nothing serious or life-threatening.

Do you think you should fight for love? I'm not even sure what that means.

Are you experiencing problems within a current relationship? Not really.

When you need a temporary escape, what do you do? Listen to something on YouTube.

How long did your last feelings of heartbreak last? It's more like that heartbreak has a half-life. It decreases and decreases, but it never completely disappears.

Do you ever go shopping with your parents (not including grocery shopping)? Occasionally.

When the weather is chilly but humid, what kind of things do you tend to wear? Sweats and a hoodie. Maybe a hat and a jacket as well, depending on how chilly it was.

When you’re walking somewhere, do you bring an iPod to listen to? I don't normally walk anywhere. Except for hikes, but then I don't listen to anything.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder before? How did it affect your daily life? I experienced some insomnia during late 2019/early 2020.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience: I'm not sure if it was food poisoning or one of those "24 hour bugs," but it was about how you would expect. I don't think I need to describe anything.

Have you ever read anything by Chuck Palahniuk? What did you think? I haven't.

How do you tend to amuse yourself on long car journeys? Listen to podcasts/audiobooks, chat with my dad, take snapshots of the scenery, listen to music, eat, etc.

Do you find that caffeinated or alcoholic drinks make you pee more than normal? Yeah.

How often do you need to charge your phone and iPod (on average)? Daily.

Do you still enjoy watching Disney movies? I probably would.

What are some interests you have in common with your parents?

How old were you when your parents trusted you to stay home alone all day? Maybe in high school? I don't think they didn't trust me sooner than that - my mom would occasionally leave me at home to run errands and such - but they were rarely ever gone all day until I was a bit older.

How long do you like to date someone before you bring them home to meet your parents? Well, I live with my dad, so they would probably meet pretty early on. As for introducing them to my mom, I'm not sure.

If you could go to one country for two weeks, all expenses paid, where would you go and why? Japan.

Do you drink more or less water than is recommended? More.

Do you like taking walks? I like hiking.

Do you go on vacation with your family a lot? Where was the last place you went? No. The last trip my dad and I made was to Georgia in 2011 (?).

What do your parents think about piercings and tattoos? Do you agree with them? My dad doesn't have any piercings or tattoos, but I don't think he cares what other people do with their bodies. My mom has one tattoo and her ears are pierced, and her opinion is probably pretty similar to my dad's.

Which is the funniest name you’ve ever heard? Idk.

What are your religious beliefs? Are these the same as your parents’? I believe in God, but I don't follow any particular religion. The entirety of my beliefs would be pretty difficult to describe. My dad is Jewish and my mom is what I would call casually spiritual. I have something in common with both of them, but overall I probably align more with my dad.

Do you find it difficult to get to sleep early when you have to be up for something the next day? Not really.

Do you still enjoy coloring in coloring books? I just don't have the patience/concentration. Weird to say because I make my own art, but I feel like that's more mentally engaging than coloring.

Do you remember the Land Before Time movies? Who was your favorite character? I do. My favorite character was Ducky.

What’s your favorite genre of book to read? Lately, sci-fi or books exploring the paranormal.

Who has more influence over your taste in music - friends or family? A bit of both, plus my own discoveries/unique preferences.

When someone talks to you constantly, do you get fed up and easily irritated with them? I do eventually run out of steam.

Are you one of those people who texts back instantly? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It just depends.

Do you think going to college / university is the best option after you’ve left school?

Is it easy to sleep late in your house, or are other people pretty noisy in the mornings? It's hard for me to sleep in regardless of how quiet other people are being.

Do you prefer watching movies alone or with other people? With other people. Left to my own devices, I might never watch them.

What’s your favourite place to get pizza from? Domino's.

Do you ever do something, and then wonder how many people are currently doing the same thing as you? Yeah.

When’s the last time the power went out in your house? I'm not sure, but our water was out about a month and a half ago (something like that, anyway). They're building a new fire station nearby and I guess they had to shut it off for…whatever they were doing. Idk. It was only out for a couple of hours, though.

Is there a laundry basket in your room? If yes, what color is it? I have two laundry baskets (one pink and one dark blue). The pink one is in the basement because I'm currently in the middle of doing laundry.

Do you like those different flavored Tootsie Rolls? I think I prefer the chocolate ones.

Do you keep your shoes on a shoe rack, or just throw them somewhere? I keep them in the entrance.

Think of the last verbal argument you were in; what caused it?

Does your refrigerator have one door or two? One big door and one smaller freezer door.

Do you smoosh bugs, or just let ‘em go? I let this guy go with a stern warning. ;D

Do you know anyone who collects stamps? I don't.

What was the last thing you deleted off of your computer? I don't think I've deleted anything from this computer yet.