#// nothing but high self-esteem in THIS HOUSE

[astrogre]

Planets in the second house

Here is the 2nd house of the money series, I no longer post astrology but I decided to release what I had left. For context check out my original money houses post which explains what the 2nd house shows e.g. what kind of money. Well, since I love talking about money, let’s get into it 😁.

Jupiter in 2nd house

Jupiter here can make you a lavish spender, you can spend quite a lot here because Jupiter rules excess, and can even represent overindulgence. But spending on yourself makes you feel limitless, you feel good not only spending but also earning a lot for yourself, it improves your self esteem and only makes you further confident and joyful about yourself. This is the retail therapy placement except unlike Venus, you guys don’t do it to experience something but more so to express what is within you; abundance. You have so much, so why not? It’s very much of a “I have nothing to loose, I have more at home”. It’s like the “we have McDonald’s at home, but I’ll buy it here as well”. It’s the kind of person who orders from 3 different restaurants for one Uber eats order because they see it as: ‘why would I order from one place like a pauper when my fav dessert and coffee place can be included’. These natives refuse to accept less than they deserve. It’s either go big or go home. You own a lot of assets or you can a small amount of BIG assets worth a lot. E.g. the native can own many houses across the world in different countries OR own one big apartment complex in another country

You earn your assets in a role that requires you to to have a lot of confidence and positive attitude, like if you’re not then it can really mess up your earnings and even have clients or stakeholders question your competence or why you’re even in your position. With Jupiter also linked to travel, culture and foreign things, the way you make money will also need you to appeal to many audiences almost uniting them, for an example being an ambassador for your country while you live abroad, or learning multiple languages to communicate to clients. Your career is very much based on your personal self esteem and beliefs which makes me always look at this placement as the self employed placement, or in a high office.

Jupiter also represents teaching, or higher learning this doesn’t mean you’ll be a teacher but rather your job can make others learn from you, people look up to you as a guide, unlike sun which guides by simply existing, Jupiter here makes you express yourself in a way of which people learn, rather than just looking up to you, more like the way a students looks up to their professors, not a: “I want to be you”, but: “I want to do what you do the way you do it, because you do it best”. That’s how you guide. A guide on how to become wealthy or a guide on how to become more confident in the self. This positive ideology of yours makes you wealthy because your assets are built from the foundations of your own healthy inner self esteem, making you accept nothing but better, your bar is in heaven and anything below that is not right.

I’ve noticed natives here can talk about money assets and large sums of wealth as if they’re nothing. Talking about being a millionaire is an average Tuesday conversation. It reminds me of Elle woods in legally blonde who when asked how they got into Harvard law school they responded with “what.. like it’s hard?”. The way you guys also make money is effortless to you. It’s just the way you are. These people can find navigating their career paths easier than other placements because of the ease Jupiter brings

This is more of an observation but I’ve noticed the cockier the people are here with this placement the more they can end up earning of benefit from that. Sometimes even being flashy and bragging about your lifestyle will draw others to it because it only highlights your abundance and how you are fit to lead having such lavish things

You guys spend your money on things that help you grow. And that’s very circumstantial because in the 2nd house, for some that’s positive behavioral therapy (self value) and others it would be a new building with clean views (expansion). It is rather dependent on the sign as well. For an example: if you’re an influencer: purchasing the best jewels and house to flaunt online. An athlete: having the most stupendous savings so they can launch their own sports brand, or not be held back by sponsors budget. A mathematician may be owning the most calculation intensive advanced degree in Quantum physics regardless of the price (as the 2nd house also shows the skills needed for us to earn money) Jupiter can give you the best of the best no matter how extravagant.

E.g Selena Gomez, Jeffrey Star, Princess Diana, Madonna, Donald Trump, Megan Fox, Bill Gates, Shakira, Audrey Hepburn, Winston Churchill, Roger Federer, Charlie Sheen, Kylie Jenner

All these people are known to approach themselves with such confidence and high self esteem being leaders and earning money because of the way they see themselves and own it. They’re all the kind of people to waltz around with high end expensive items like it’s nothing because they know they deserve it, regardless if they’re politicians, royalty, business men, computer scientists, musicians, actors or athletes.

There’s so much more I could write 4 pages just on this placement but I need to write about the other planets so next, next.

Sun in the 2nd house

You’re literally known for being the wealthy one as Sun shows where we shine and can attain recognition, or you could be known as the person who’s heavily invested in their earnings or for what you spend them on, people can always be pointing out the nice things you own, this can show someone who’s always working even when they’re not on shift because they’re always invested in their income, it’s like they live on a material sphere like a finance bro or a cryptocurrency market nerd, you could have a wealthy father too. But this placement is the epithet of a rich auntie who only is known to be wealthy and thriving, or at worst could make you appear as someone overly materialistic only concerned about money, always working. But who cares, it’s where you shine the brightest.

When you spend you do it as a form of self expression. Sun in 2nd house means the things you buy are a way for you to express yourself, this can be purchasing artistic houses fine tuned to your personal preferences whether it be artistic, efficient etc. is all based on the sign. But regardless your assets, savings and possessions are rather dependent on the sign of the sun, since the sun planet doesn’t explain quantity of what’s in the house like Saturn or Jupiter but more so the level of its importance. Your personal income is VERY important to you, you need to be stable to feel secure and balanced, otherwise you can feel insecure, have a weak ego and just feel unable to function which gives you bad publicity and makes earning more further difficult.

For you, spending is something you do because “it’s how I am”. If you don’t spend it feels like at times you’re having to withhold yourself or put yourself away, dim your light. Spending money you can’t replace is a big Nono for you, your possessions are an extension of yourself, which is why it can trigger you if someone mistreats your belongings, looses them or breaks them it is very hurtful because they hold such a strong importance to you. This is the native who couldn’t be separated from that one toy as a child because it was theirs and they were one, if you want the native you must accept their assets too, which is how these people can actually be rather generous because when you feel like you can be yourself around someone you can give them your things because it’s like you’re giving that person yourself. You can also be proud of your class or maybe you can’t hide it, regardless of whether it’s lower or upper because that’s your belief or it’s set as a precedent. You’re not the most generous unless you really trust the person you’re giving to won’t do something silly.

I’ve noticed these natives can be disliked for pointing out discrepancies in the way a value or financial system works e.g Jordan Peterson, Karl Marx, Bella Hadid, I think it’s because with the sun here they can point and direct others to values that are not being talked about enough or can highlight concepts so that everyone can understand.

How you make your personal income requires you to be the forefront of a team, or a company, or a business, or a department, or a brand etc. I think of leading positions and being known for how much you earn benefiting you because the sun paves the way, is given recognition, the light directs us and forces everyone to look at your assets and focus on that part of yourself, you need to be intentional on the things you purchase because people are always assuming your earnings based on the brand or quality of what you own. When sun is in the 2nd House it means you can be a key determinant of how much you make depending on your performance, if you steal the show and take the light 🎭 at your job, your payroll commends you with a large income, the audience is happy and everyone probably knows about it because it’s essential for your job -for an example you may have to list your contractor service prices online, have received recognition as 30 under 30 in Forbes or you could be a public company that must declare its financial statement thus increasing visibility and sales.

You know everything about where and what’s going on in your accounts and pockets, this is the kind of person able to identify that they overpaid for a house or the listed equity pay in a company is not enough for the position they’re in. Your role needs you to point things out that are out of place or could be better, you make the most money when you’re in charge because the Sun leads. The rest of the planets follow.

You guys may save and spend to solidify your status and security, you need to feel embodied in your finances and can have a decent amount of savings to prevent loosing that ability to make a ‘statement of the self’. Remember the sun is tied to the ego so you can also become rather immature using money to triumph over others if negatively impacted.

Natives with this placement: E.g George Clooney, Elvis Presley, Tom Cruise, Cristiano Ronaldo, Paris Hilton, Oprah Winfrey, Kourtney Kardashian, Bella hadid, Kris Jenner, Jeffrey Epstein, Emma Roberts, Jennie Kim, Jordan Peterson, Karl Marx

Notice how they all are known for having a leading, striving image based on either income or values. Jordan Peterson being one of the well known horsemen of male self value podcasts, Oprah Winfrey listed on Forbes known for just being wealthy and exposing systems or people, kris Jenner being the founder of the kardashian Jenner enterprise as a “momager”, I could go on for each of these individuals.

Pluto in 2nd house

You only spend with purpose here, you spend your money on things that give you an upper hand, control over a system, your values or spending on a power you are supportive of. When I think of this placement I imagine it being someone who has what they call “F you money”. “Fuck you money” is the amount of financial resources required for the average person to say “Fuck you” to their employer but still be able to meet their financial commitments over the long term. That’s what you guys have, in fact it’s rather intimidating, it’s similar to the same level of freedom as Uranus has in finances except the difference is that you guys want to be free from control so that you can control others when you feel like it. Your mindset to income, assets and finances is “I want, I will have”. “It belongs to me”. You can even go by underhanded means to acquire wealth.

Pluto in 2nd house makes you spend on things you desire, things that make you not only look powerful like the sun in 2H but BECOME powerful, for an example property owners that bid obnoxiously high at auction houses for the final say (just so no one else can have the item) or the billionaires in Monaco known for their yacht parades where only the well accomplished can participate. Of course you may not be a billionaire but the point is, you spend big money on things that are of significance to your power, that speak levels of how important you are. Otherwise you have lots of money in savings that you’re waiting to spend on later for the perfect moment.

Pluto in 2nd house is not someone you want to start a legal battle with, here you guys have extensive amounts to spend for power, an arsenal for war. You won’t ever allow yourself to run dry of resources to a point where you can’t defend yourself and let others run all over you, this is the child you could NOT get lunch money from. They’d rather fight with their nails pulled out than give you what is rightfully theirs. You could have even grown up in an environment where money was power, and if you didn’t have enough it would impact your value. E.g. upper class private school, echelon family, elitist classist peers, dangerous scary people who only stopped if you were wealthy. You can also feel entitled to anything of value believing it belongs to you. This is the kind of person who when they say “I’d kill for that” or “I’d sell you if it mean it could..” you need to side eye.

This placement makes me think of Bruce Wayne (Batman) in the way the native spends, and their attitudes to money and the self, it’s like everything is a power trip and it seems the native is overly blessed with resources, “if I don’t have it all I’m nothing. But if you have less than me, you’re nothing and I’ll tell you what to do”. Johnny Depp actually has this placement. I googled his spending habits to confirm if they’re are true to my description of Pluto in 2H

As we can see he used his money to fulfill his desires, obsessions and image. He also sued the fuck out of any media or person that bad mouthed him leading him to eventually win the amber heard trial where most would have given up wasting money on the multiple cases.

The skills needed for you in your job may be things like understanding psychology, dissecting behaviors, research, actually dissecting something like a surgeon, mortician, taxidermy artist or piercing someone like a piercing artist or gang member would. You need to scare people to make that bank. (Also made me think of how Johnny depps most profitable roles were as Jack sparrow, Edward scissor hands, sweeny Todd, all to do with slicing using a sword scissors or a knife).

You earn your income by making orders, being in control, expressing your obsessive darker values, exerting intense behavior, essentially “playing the villain”. You’ll see with these natives that when they play villains or are villainised online or have a bad reputation, work in taboo subjects that’s when they start making the most money e.g.

Doja cat- her dark aesthetic , Michael B Jordan- biggest payout from Killmonger role, Vivien Leigh- 2 Grammys and most money from narcissistic power hungry role as scarlett o'hara in gone with the wind , Trisha Paytas- her never ending YouTube dramas and controversial takes which people can’t stop watching, Zoe Kravitz- playing catwoman, Rocco Siffredi- an Italian pornographic actor, director and producer. Known as the "Italian Stallion", Marilyn Manson- again known for controversies and dark imagery, Robert Downey Jr-His career has been characterized by critical and popular success in his youth, followed by a period of substance abuse and legal troubles, before a resurgence of commercial success in middle age.

Also Pluto is here it can make your finances fluctuate similarly to the way Uranus would but less frequently but FAR more dramatically. You can go from 0-100 in wealth. You can come from a very asset rich background only to loose it all or come from rages to riches. When people discover how much you earn, your income, or your spending habits etc. they’ll be really intimidated by you, scared in the way that they feel like you could make them disappear (whether that’s because you outdo them or they genuinely see your money as life threatening is circumstantial lol). You may be attracted to darker possessions like a black chic penthouse, ruby, emerald jewels, sleek cars. The classic wealthy supervillain kind of assets. Your peers are also very jealous of your income.. it’s best to keep it secret and let your power speak for itself.

Mars in 2nd House

Very similar to Pluto except you guys don’t spend for power or to triumph others but rather for passion, if your passion is to outdo peers, you’ll spend. If your passion is to protect something you’ll spend on that. You spend because it excites you and brings a drive, a sense of purpose. You LOVVEEEE working to attain income, earning your income is like a battlefield, you love putting in the effort to get it similarly to Saturn except you guys are a powerhouse, you don’t have an off button. It can also make you someone who overworks themselves, addicted to the adrelanin rush which also indicates that your job requires you to work under stress, competition or harsh environments like a politician, manual labourer, rapper, lawyer, athlete, dancer, entertainer, engineering, those people who get paid 300k to climb up tall dangerous buildings to change a light etc. Money comes in quick for you, you could be paid weekly or just large sums rather frequently. Raises aren’t unheard of with this placement because they’re always willing to negotiate rebuttal and prove their value to their client and bosses.

You guys can purchase assets as a venture pursuit, for fun, earn when you’re dissed and profit from people attacking you. Michael Jackson has this placement and one time Eminem made a diss track about him so he bought his record label and owned his music and now makes money every time Eminem disses (angers) him in the song. That’s a royalty for every curse word.

Receipts.

The way you make your income requires you to take quick action, express your aggression, and confront using your wealth, you fight with your money, so of course it can indicate competition. Here this placement can make you own the best of the best and it can be a competition to you, you want it all. It reminds me of Patrick Bateman how he couldn’t accept his peers having better business cards than him, that’s how you guys are like with your income. It also reminds me of natives who actually have this placement: Vladimir Putin, Martin Luther King, Alexander the Great, Rachel McAdams —— notice how the behaviour that made them the most income forced them to be competitive, relentless, bitchy even petty? (Regina George)

Should you discover your being paid unfairly or that your peers make more than you, you’ll be PISSED. This placement makes me imagine someone owning fast driving cars like Ferraris, race cars, motorbikes, purchase a high rise building, have insane interior decor in there home that’s loud, intense and personifies the Martian sign.

You perceive money as a way to compete, it’s like your car in a formula 1 race so obviously natives here can try to improve their car to the latest model, in other words constantly attempting to make more, own more, learn more skills for their job. You guys are highly motivated in whatever makes you money because earning that money gives you so much ambition and drive. You may be attacked and hated for your values especially in the role required to make money, it can invite danger. Yet that’s where you thrive -nobody else can do it like you.

If these natives are saving up money it’s for a plan to attack and use for later. They prefer to spend as quickly and as passionately as they like to earn money unless they’re waiting for a special occasion. E.g saving up for a car, a new home gym upgrade etc

This placement literally reminds me of 7 rings “I want it I got it”, that’s how you view money, you spend because “I want it”, “I’m driven to have more”. Like a fisherman pulling its reel, a hunter chasing its prey, gaining income is your stimulant activity

Individuals with this placement:

Vladimir Putin, Martin Luther King, Alexander the Great, Rachel McAdams, Jim Carrey, Elizabeth Taylor, Michael Jordan, Michael Jackson, Winona Ryder, Russel Brand, George W. Bush, Neymar, Richard Ramirez, Joan of Arc, Jennie Kim

Notice how all these individuals thrive off making income or attaining value with a bad boy/girl, dangerous attitude?

2nd house in Neptune

People say that having Neptune in the second house is not that good because Neptune is illusive, very wishy washy and the only way you can get money is “in your dreams”. But Neptune is the planet of even the impossible, you get money “FROM YOUR DREAMS”. Those fantasies you’ve had of making so much money you could swim in it, doing something nobody could ever imagine is a possibility with this placement because if you’ve dreamt it, it can become a reality. If you guys have always had a dream of becoming a certain person e.g a pilot, an entrepreneur, a model, inventor, a leader, singer, scientist whatever it is -that calling is your answer. I kid you not, during my research the most influential people of all different industries fall under Neptune in 2nd house. There’s a reason for that. (You’ll see the list of otherworldly accomplished people at the end)

People don’t believe you guys because they literally don’t see your value, Neptune can cause illusion, meaning others can’t see what you’re aiming for clearly. Isaac Newton literally has this placement and people thought he was crazy for asking why the apples fall down yet his vision created the future we have today. You can appear unrealistic, like you assume everything will go as planned, or that you think you’re right when you’re not, people think you’re delusional, they may even see you as dumb. At worst it reminds me of pearl from the movie Pearl who believes she was supposed to be a star. At best: Steve Jobs who has this placement and proves how he saw a future in Apple that nobody else did

Him gaining income from Pixar company that deals with imagery, fantasy and film (all things that Neptune represents) really is the cherry on top.

That’s what Neptune here makes you: a visionary, it’s as if you went back in time and brought a concept from the 2150s to our present day, people cannot fathom your values and your skills, you can seem almost too good at the way you make income, you can be entrancing, deceptive even. Neptune also represents the future, with this placement you’re able to plan, predict, fantasise or act in a way that is beyond your time and will benefit further generations. As long as you have some groundedness to act on your dream with practicality and realistic planning, you’re literally set. You set your goalpost in the sky now you’re tasked with having to learn how to fly which is why most struggle to believe in you. Don’t just say you will one day, actually act on it, do not let your dream die.

You can romanticise your job and the way you make income, you leer at a lifestyle of spending or earning lots of money, to you that’s something that just feels intuitively right. It’s like you guys close your eyes at night, wind down envisioning being in an ultra wealthy lifestyle while you’re laying in a stuffy bunk bed that you have to share with your siblings. You don’t see your reality as your end result but more so as a bus stop. You spend because “I’m promised more” you guys like to borrow from the future, you can and up spending money because you believe you’ll be paid soon or you can spend into overdraft because you need it for your success e.g an upcoming model going into overdraft to pay for her plane ticket to their debut fashion show.

It’s almost Venusian how you indulge in your assets, income and possessions except you make it look like a dream with a touch of hope, it’s like Cinderellas possessions before midnight, it’s so grandiose but if you look very clearly its not so real yet they make it their reality and like Cinderella become the princess they dreamed of being. You know those people who post their evening routines on YouTube in their penthouse showing their work environment and film their lifestyle OR those business advisors who sell courses but actually are broke renting out a mansion as an Airbnb to deceive their followers, that is exactly what it’s like for these natives. You spend your money on things that you’ve always wanted or dreamt of owning which gives of a romanticised impression of the things you own, you show the pros without the cons. I can imagine people like Nara smith having this placement because she sells a fantasy. This is also why you can be good actors. You can purchase homes, cars, art, assets etc. from your favourite tv shows for an example someone with this placement may purchase the Barbie home in real life or recreate Hannah Montanas house because they’ve always wanted it. You can also own things that are exact copies of what someone else has, maybe even dupes. Neptune likes to copy. In general the kind of assets you own are very much crafted with some kind of illusionary touch to it due to Neptunes fickle nature.

Your way of generating income requires you to sell a fantasy, or to do the impossible, you have to appeal to others, lie even, your job requires you to have ideas that make people want to believe you. You could be naive or prey on others naivety. That’s usually why Neptune 2H jobs are associated with deception. Although it points to someone being an artist (illusions) but I actually think people with this placement could work great in sales and be good persuaders, I think they could do anything, because their power is persuasive. The actors with this placement play in roles of which their characters are beyond life, have this sense of naivety to the bad, their characters complete the impossible and are a symbol of the future e.g Jennifer Lawrence (known for katniss Everdeen), Natalie Portman (Black swan and Padme)

Now when it comes to savings… I must admit you guys don’t think of potential setbacks as much as the other planets. It’s not that you fail to save long term goal but more so approach it like “I’d really like to have this much saved one day”. You can dream of a life of security but can struggle to act on it, depending on the sign of course. Possessions and income to you aren’t necessarily just resources but more so what you’re destined for. People can view your values, skills, assets etc. as a waste of time, even asking you “why would you waste your money on that?” only to realise that it’s actually a brilliant idea in the future.

Key individuals with Neptune in 2nd house:

Taylor swift- In her 2020 documentary she reads the diary she owned as a child which talked about how she wanted to succeed and was meant to be successful. Jessica McLane a former classmate to Taylor swift says she was bullied because “She was literally, 16 or 17 leaving school to pursue a career that people are telling her that she could never have.” Taylor made her dreams come true and is now a billionaire who will probably achieve a lot more of her dreams if she hasn’t done them already. She also embodies Neptune 2H because of making money from art and has been accused of deceptive behaviour like not allowing other stars to hit #1. Who would have thought that country girl would become a billionaire businesswoman? Taylor probably did.

Ted Bundy- very deceptive, income came from the nativity of people, his persuasion and lies. He used that illusion to lure in victims his possessions were not only the cars he stole from lying, the victims bodies that were never found (Neptune can hide and deceive) but also the hearts of the media, people still adore him in film, romanticising his work, his skills and charm long after the crimes he committed

Anne Frank- her diary will always be a timeless possession that still inspires millions of people to this day, I can imagine at the time of crisis they must have found the concept of her journaling during a genocide illogical and even stupid. Neptune also is associated with selflessness and to this day The Anne Frank Fonds foundation in Switzerland that collects royalties from Anne Frank's diary distributes the money to charities, education projects, and scientific research. Her income is literally given to future dreams. That’s Neptune in the 2H

Donald trump- his real estate empire shows his grandiose approach to material possessions, he’s always known he wanted more money and transformed the amount he was given into so much more

Lana del Rey- such an entrancing otherworldly voice, her voice is described as a siren even, however some argue that it’s deceptive, fake because of her live performances being so different

I would continue highlighting the many ways Neptune 2nd house has impacted people but there’s too many key individuals who have paved history with this placement.

Honourable mentions:

Isaac Newton, Natalie Portman, James Franco, Rafael Nadal, Jennifer Lawrence, Hailey Baldwin, Muhammad Ali, Kris Jenner, Grimes, Justin Bieber, Steve Jobs, Pope Francis, Olivia Rodrigo, Frank Ocean, Edgar Allan Poe, Boris Johnson, O.J. Simpson, Queen Elizabeth I of England, Sydney Sweeney, Lewis Hamilton, Judy Garland, Mitski, Russia (the literal country), Monica Lewinsky, Hedy Lamarr, and Christopher Columbus.

All these people seem so sure of themselves when they tell you how they got to where they are now today, they are so well beyond their time, scheming almost. Their skills, values, possessions, incomes are all things that transcend throughout history as something that paved the future. There is a mix of discoverers and some of these individuals were discovered and once you see what they brought with them it’s like “how come nobody knew??”. Whether it be Christopher Columbus and his findings of America (can be seen as deceptive as Native Americans were residing there), Monica Lewinsky and her affair with the president or Isaac newton and his concept of gravity. I guess we will just never understand the blinding affect Neptune has. All I can say is that if you see someone or a place/event with Neptune in 2nd house… I suggest you keep an eye on them and at least listen to their idea, no matter how unrealistic it may be.

Oh and don’t forget. If a Neptune 2nd house could benefit financially by deception, you’d never know if they are showing the truth. They get away with financial crimes anyway.

Uranus in 2nd house

You intellectualise your spending habits, you can literally justify buying the most bizarre artefact known to man and you will think through before purchasing something and justify it because it’s for “a greater cause” whether that ‘cause’ be another erratic purchase or something that impacts humanity, surprisingly you’re actually right about it’s efficiency. Uranus isn’t a dumb planet, it’s… unique. You have a ‘think smarter not harder’ mindset when it comes to choosing what to buy, it reminds me of those self cleaning vacuum robots that people buy because it fits a niche purpose. You can make spending, earning income or attaining wealth a utilitarian journey, they can even see it as an advancement for humanity, like their pockets are a gift to the people which is why they’re associated with philanthropy, being inventors, activism etc.

These natives are giving but it must be for the right reason. You’d have to pitch to them first for them to support your philanthropic endeavour. Some of you go so far to renounce all your belongings and live in poverty. Many times they are reliant on the philanthropy or giving from others. People’s support may give them assets.

You can spend on specifically niche erratic things like a pet giraffe, a taxidermy raccoon butt sharpener, very random I know -but that’s the point! It’s like people can huddle around your possessions, your house, your car and think that’s so cool or even find it kind of weird, random, funny or just deranged. Sometimes people can look at your belongings and ask themselves ‘what am I even looking at right now?’. Regardless of their reaction people are always shocked, shocked by what you own, how much you own (could be surprisingly wealthy/surprisingly poor) or why you do the things you do. I always see Uranus as that weird kid who got bullied in secondary school which is what these natives may be seen as when it comes to your assets, you may have people trying to label your style, define it, which is why Uranus in 2nd house is associated with owning one of a kind possessions, like a once in a lifetime made car, these natives literally would pre order the Tesla cyber truck unironically, obviously you may have a different style to the cybertruck -but I mean that’s the level of strangeness they exhibit when it comes to their possessions. People can get why you buy the the things you have , it’s cool, unique, intellectual and a conversation starter but… they’re still shocked because although it makes sense, it defies what is normal.

Your home could be filled with weird stuff, whether it be antiques, a maximalist room, taxidermy, anime body pillows or a fully functional robot, that’s the thing, you just don’t know with these individuals. The property and assets you own could be extremely efficient for your needs but very erratic. You may not even live in the property you own, Uranus is detached. You may want to be free from earning income, the 2H shows how you make money and your relationship with it therefore natives here generate income in a way that doesn’t burden them and feels like something they’d do for fun, due to the detachment of Uranus they could work in fields that aren’t congruent with themselves, something they wouldn’t usually be interested in or they can make money by aiding in the freedom of others.

It’s not that you don’t value money, you only value what it can do for you. If it can’t serve the purpose you’re seeking for then it’s pretty much just there and you’ll either spend it on something erratic or save it up to do something erratic. These natives aren’t very good at saving. But since planets here show how you store money, if they do save, Uranus 2nd housers are very witty with it, probably have the best interest rates, investments in cryptocurrency, strange ways of saving storing money that blows peoples minds like “how did you think of that?”. Uranus makes your finances become a spectacle even. Going from high to low very frequently, it’s unstable but these natives (as much as they complain about it) won’t do anything to change except letting go of their assets of course, this is because they want a quick fix to their financial stress, they don’t want to worry about money, they just detach. They have bigger fish to fry. You can stay in the same home for years no matter how much income rises due to it being efficient, I’ve also observed these natives appear humble in their earnings regardless of how much they may make.

The skills needed for you to make your income is most definitely invention, intelligence, you have to think in ways not done before, not tested or tried, kind of like marinette from miraculous ladybug using her lucky charm finding an unpredictable, bizarre way of using it. You need to be odd to do your job, only someone who is eccentric could make money the way that you do, the way you generate income is also liberating for you, people are shocked with what you do to make money, you could have a very niche job that not many people dream of- not because they don’t want it, but because it’s so unique they didn’t know it even existed. It’s almost as if your job is made just for you, you’re set apart from even those in the same field as you and if that industry requires innovation you are the best of your peers, your income is made by expressing parts of yourself that are usually constrained as Uranus liberates, it is rebellion, which is why you do your job so well, it’s a playing field for that side of you, and how you go against authority.

Also for each of the planets in this 2nd house series, I’ve observed that actors make the most income from the roles that fall under their 2nd house planet. With the actors who have Uranus here they usually play in pioneering, leading, out of the box thinking roles etc.:

Benedict Cumberbatch- Played as Sherlock holmes (role required themes of intellect, eccentricity, thinking outside of the box to be Sherlock) same with Dr Strange (very ironic because Uranus literally represents things that are weird). Also he invested in startups such as Tentrr, a camping app, and ScribbleChat, a texting app, (Uranus represents technology)

Andy Samberg- Played as lead detective Jake Brooklyn 99 (very intelligent, unpredictable wordplay involved, solving things, putting bad guys away, emotionally detached)

Adrien Brody- played as Władysław Szpilman in The Pianist (a role where the character had up and down assets, had to constantly think out of the box to survive, used his skills to rebel his circumstances to get by yet never fully reaching financial stability)

You defy by making someone financially suffer for their wrongs, like going on strike, neglecting a clients investment, abandoning assets, you can boycott or fund certain causes. You’re also the kind of person who would do their job for free. You can be petty with finances and buy weird stuff because you can, invest because it contributes to something. You’re intellectual with where you put your money.

Key Individuals with this placement:

George r.r Martin- author of the Game of thrones series, asoiaf is definitely such an innovative piece of fiction, deals with themes of liberation, freedom and is so unhinged it’s unheard of.

Emma Frances Chamberlain- American YouTuber. Time Magazine included her on its list of The 25 Most Influential People On The Internet, writing that "Chamberlain pioneered an approach to vlogging that shook up YouTube’s unofficial style guide. (Income from technology, pioneering, quirkiness, thinking out of the ordinary. All Uranus themes)

Lord Byron- British poet, behaved as if income didn’t exist, very wealthy yet very broke and practically ran away from raising income, died fighting for Greek independence. kept a bear in his room while he was a student at Trinity College in the early 1800s. He's said to have purchased the bear in defiance of the rules that banned students from keeping dogs in college. (Uranus freedom, unhinged and erratic themes while owning weird stuff)

Jacqueline du Pré - a British cellist, today acknowledged as one of the greatest exponents of the instrument. Her interpretation of this work has been described as "definitive" and "legendary. (Unique vision, pioneering)

Yves Saint Laurent- founded his eponymous fashion label. He is regarded as being among the foremost fashion designers in the twentieth century. Yves Saint Laurent can be credited with both spurring the couture's rise from its 1960s ashes and with finally rendering ready-to-wear reputable. (Standing out in his industry, thinking out the box, rebellion to norms)

City of Geneva, Switzerland- long history of income from watchmaking and machinery. (Uranus represents technology and industrial development)

South Korea- makes 70% of its GDP from its electronic exports. The world's second-largest producer of semi-conductors. (Uranus technology and innovative thinking.)

Honourable mentions:

J.R.R. Tolkien (author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings), Malcom X, Venus Williams, Jackie Chan, Avril Lavigne, South Korea (the literal country), Pakistan (the literal country), Lewis Carrol (author of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and its sequel Through the Looking-Glass, he was also a mathematician and logician), Pablo Picasso, Tiger Woods, Uma Thurman, Francis of Assisi, Sofia Richie, Queen Elizabeth 2nd, Benedict Cumberbatch, Marilyn Manson, Simone de Beauvoir, Gillian Leigh Anderson, Nina Simone, Adrien Brody

All of these individuals made the most when they thought outside of the box and did something different to what people expected, shocking the public makes them wealthy. It’s interesting how I also observed that someone tends to fund these natives lifestyles since they cannot fund it themselves. Notice how these individuals are so swept up with the skill or causes they need to generate income instead of actually making the money? The only way I can imagine these natives being filthy rich is if they pursue something they love and abides by their erratic values, otherwise they’ll see it as a chore and try to run away from it.

Saturn in the 2nd house

This placement reminds me of Ebeneezer Scrooge, you guys can be extremely wealthy yet very frugal, you can be respected for how you approach your possessions, always making sure they’re in fine quality for the cheapest price. You stretch your money, coupons, discounts, comparing quotes, getting home renovations but for the most price effective way, OR you can feel like you constantly don’t own enough and feel worthless without your assets, like a turtle without a shell, you can feel like a disgrace if you don’t have enough. People with this placement don’t like to spend too much at all unless there’s aspects and other planets in the 2nd house, this is because Saturn is where there is restriction. You can spend your life focusing on financial discipline. Saturn here can make you excellent planners when it comes to budgeting your finances. You don’t want to feel financially unstable and won’t let that happen under your watch.

Saturn is a strict teacher that teaches you discipline. Therefore you probably have had some unfortunate experiences when it comes to not only your assets, possessions and income but also your self worth. Your things could have been forcefully taken away, home auctioned, grown up poor/in debt, been hyper aware of your family’s finances or there’s just a constant fear that you will end up penniless if you don’t make every penny count. You will spend to exert your mandatory authority, for an example you may spend to bail a family member, spend to own company equity or stocks, pay for your business property mortgage, to pay employees, spending is a responsibility.

You’re always working for your income in one way or another. Which is exactly why you have the potential to earn a LOT. Saturn is also the area we master the most in our lifetime due to discipline, you’ll eventually rule authority and overcome your financial inconsistencies if you’re still struggling to be stable with your income, especially more so if you’re an Aquarius or Capricorn rising. It is often said that this happens by or during the age you’ll be when Saturn returns to the sign it was in when you were born. Aka. Saturn return. Also if you are a cap or Aquarius rising money is ALWAYS on your mind, it haunts you even, you may not purchase things because of your hyper awareness of its status symbolism, knowing it can make you appear less dignified.

The skills required for you to make income are being in charge, working on being the first or best in your field. Like Prince the musician, Zendaya, King Charles III, Snoop Dog. All of them hold a certain kind of authority and respect is held to their name because of the discipline shown in their lives that grants them income, if they don’t like how they’re being treated professionally they’ll let you know and not do business with you again. These natives work dutifully, to make more money it requires more authority, more responsibility, the more they take on in cutthroat environments the more they make income. Working under you is also borderline violation of human right act, you like to make your employees work like dogs 🥲, because that’s what you do to yourself.

You need to have dedication, put in the hard work, sacrifice the time, stand in authority, become the one that makes the decisions, stand up for yourself and better the systems put in place, your authority is a gift and the gateway to expanding your earnings and possessions. Your income is based from you delegating, planning, strategising. You are the patrons of charity, You can own heirlooms passed down to generations, own ‘old money’ aesthetic assets like historical buildings, classic cars, vintage furniture, blood money diamonds, established status symbols that most recognise as prestige, OR on the other end you can be extremely frugal, the cheapest car, cheapest most efficient home without having extra costs. It’s seriously a hit or miss with this placement because Saturn likes to restrict, but also likes to make you master so it’s a journey.

Of all the planets Saturn in the 2nd house is the best one at saving. Money and assets are saved in locked, bonded accounts, heavily restricted, guarded with lots of authorization needed for transactions. This is the person with biometric passwords and 3 safe words then a signature just to pay for sandwich bread. You guys NEED stability and your savings are heavy because you desperately feel you need to pinch onto every penny ‘just in case’. Where Jupiter feels entitled to income, possessions and assets, you on the other hand feel honoured. You spend because “I must” you earn because “It’s a necessity” there’s a level of stress that comes from managing your wealth. If saturn is alone here you guys can stay at the same company climbing up the ranks because you believe that income, wealth the material things are worth waiting for. You are dutiful to your job position and take work very seriously. It can feel frustrating because money can take a while to come in or it’s like you have to work harder than others to get what you want and when you see others do it, it’s irritating. But you must remember that you also have authority, you guys call the shots, that’s where your dedication and hard work takes you, although other people may take the easy route they never “master” like you do. Unlike them, you guys make the generational wealth, that’s why so many royals have this placement. Your income, your assets and possessions last a LONGGGGG time, passing onto generations, the kind of assets that allowed your great grandchildren to become millionaires, it reminds me of when Donald trump says “my father gave me a small loan of 1 million dollars” your assets are a foundation for exponential growth. When you invest in stocks gradually you really make it grow, if you own equity of companies that asset grows over time. You make the most once you commit to a financial plan like a business or investment and continually contribute to it year after year, you are sooo dedicated and uphold your duties without failure which is why you do it better than the other planets. This placement also makes you extremely wealthy once you retire, I know your retirement fund is beautiful.

When people see your possessions, your house, car or anything they can really respect you, it goes two ways. They can either think you worked very hard to get where you are and hold you in high regard or they can be impressed with how you’re able to restrain yourself from spending too much and appreciate your dedication to being a cheapskate.

Key Individuals with this placement:

Zendaya- owning classic vintage assets and multiple real estate, only affiliated with status symbols, the reason she makes so much money as an actress is because of how highly respected she is, she’s also is authoritative and fired her agent because they couldn’t assert themselves against racism in her career

Arnold Schwarzenegger- actor, billions businessman, former politician and body builder, he’s known for his incredible discipline that lead him to wealth, he was a millionaire before he was an actor because of his real estate investments, his hard work on himself such as body building helped his acting career(Saturn builds overtime), he has such an intricate well planned investment portfolio and he is known for his discipline/financial advice. And let’s be honest, who else would write a book called “Be Useful” other than a Saturn influenced individual?

King Charles 3rd- where do I start with this man. He’s literally known to be SUCH a stingy man. Whenever I think of the worst of this placement I think of him right here, he farms organically, skips lunch to save money, he is known as very hard working doing paperwork past midnight everyday, Saturn authority manifested as a literal king, his staff and advisors are held extremely accountable working strenuously. Just read about his day to day life and his financial dealings if you want to understand this placement properly

Roger Federer– Tennis legend with unparalleled discipline in his sport. Federer’s financial success comes from consistent hard work, endorsements, and investments. He also exemplifies Saturn’s respect for tradition and authority, being a revered figure both on and off the court.

Honorable mentions:Clint Eastwood, Jacqueline Kennedy, Friedrich Nietzsche, Kate Moss, Kendrick Lamar, François Fillon, Stephen King, Grimes, Roger Federer, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Steven Spielberg, Prince Philip Mountbatten, Duke of Edinburgh, John Cena, Donald Glover, Diego Maradona, Richard Branson, Shaquille O’Neal, Rosé (K-pop), Jules Verne, George Lucas, Jane Austen, Los Angeles California, Saudi Arabia, Madrid Spain.

Notice how these individuals tend to establish themselves in fields that require immense patience and long-term dedication. Whether through meticulous planning, as seen with Roger Federer’s career longevity, or by creating something enduring, like George Lucas’s Star Wars legacy, these natives focus on building something that will outlast them. Many of them also seem to handle wealth as if it's more of a responsibility than a pleasure—often using their resources to invest in ventures, support others, or leave behind a legacy.

Interestingly, it’s common to see these individuals gaining respect for their resourcefulness and ability to work within constraints. Even when their industries were cutthroat, they approached challenges methodically, often turning setbacks into stepping stones. I can imagine these natives feeling a deep need to prove their worth through results, and their income seems to reflect the amount of structure and discipline they bring to their craft. They’re not the type to take shortcuts; instead, they value integrity and careful strategy, which is why their success often grows slowly but steadily.

You might also observe that these natives often tie their self-worth to their ability to maintain control over their financial or professional lives. I can imagine that they find financial freedom not through extravagance but through security and stability, knowing they’ve created a safety net for themselves and those they care about. Their wealth isn’t just a display of success; it’s a testament to their ability to master life’s challenges and leave something of value behind.

Venus in the 2nd house

Tell me you’re blessed without telling me you’re blessed. Venus is literally at home in this house. Not only do you guys have such a soothing voice you just ooze sensuality, hence why Elvis Presley, David Bekham, Paris Hilton have this placement. You just get princess treatment even if you’re a man. You spend on things that make you feel good, a beautiful home? A beautiful car? Beautiful jewellery? Beautiful watch? Beautiful wife 💀, no seriously this can at extremes be someone willing to pay for services, escorts or those rent-a-girlfriends, Anything that makes you not only look but FEEL beautiful. You spend because “I deserve it 👑”. It reminds me of those sprinkle sprinkle girls on TikTok and men who like to be praised. If it’s in Leo, my goodness it’s even worse haha. You guys deserve it all, think of Sharpay Evan in high school musical. You’re the IT guy/girl in your social class, you can get a lot of compliments on your possessions because you have really good taste that’s appreciated by everyone, you’re the person in class who everyone at school is raving about their Louis Vuitton limited edition exclusive bag, it’s more so conventional beauty even if it’s in Aquarius -assets are recognisable for its beauty, also you guys have the best smell, if you wear fragrances people may compliment your scent or want to know what you’re wearing, this placement along with Jupiter 2H reminds me of those overconsumption influencer pages because they’re always so blessed with the nicest stuff. Except unlike Jupiter you guys own stuff to fulfill you, not just to keep around for exploration. If Venus is here alone you can spend on things like Birkin bags, private jets, first class, fancy cuisine, designer possessions, luxury houses, luxury cars, you can be bratty about your money and self entitled (as you should because let’s be honest, who doesn’t want what you have?). It screams spoiled.

You can earn your income from things regarding satisfaction, beauty, pleasure and fairness, it honestly depends on the sign. Like if it’s in Libra you may be a diplomat, lawyer, fashion designer -be very pleasing visually and socially, in Taurus could be a singer, food taster, chef, Leo- a model, hair stylist, in Cancer can be interior designer, architect housewife, caregiver, etc. it could be anything to be honest you can still work in any industry of course but the second house shows you the skills needed for you to make your income and with Venus here it’s very much related with pleasure, beauty and fairness, you may be giving it to others or indulging in it yourself as a job. As you can see it’s so varied that this can literally range from a sex worker to a world peace diplomat, so don’t try to pin it down too much, you’d need to look at the rest of your chart. 

Regardless of what it is you do, you need to feel good at work, you can be someone who always looks good at work because it affects your income, you make spending an earning a “leisure” or a “treatment” it’s like going to the spa, like a satisfied “ahh” when you’ve finished your job, you actually love what you have to do for your job because it makes you feel good about yourself and heightens your self esteem. You can get praised a lot at work for your skills and be blessed without working as hard as your peers. Can be favoured by your company, least likely to become redundant, personality hire, nepotism, or just straight up a delight to work with. This placement also reminds me of Adrien Agreste from miraculous ladybug, you guys just have it good, it’s like the table is prepared for you at your beck and call, unfortunately though it can also suggest that the way you were given love growing up was through financial compensation OR you weren’t given that much which made you feel like you needed material gifts and wealth to feel “worth it”. You feel great about yourself but when you aren’t being given compliments or gifts for what you do or the way you are it’s like you don’t even matter, you can feel like nobody cares about you. This reminds me of those artists on TikTok or instagram that post their drawings online and get no followers, likes or comments so they stop posting, or influencers when they get cancelled feel like their whole fandom hates them so they quit. In return this can also end up making you have people pleasing tendencies, not always to your detriment it can just be small things like  buying doughnuts for the team at work because you know they’d like it and you actually want to, while it also makes you look good. 

You own beautiful possessions, I always think of Marilyn Monroes outfits, image and jewellery as the Venus 2nd house affect (she doesn’t have this placement but you guys have that wow factor in your possessions). People think you’re spoilt or you spoil yourself because of your possessions, you get a lot of bonuses because Venus is a gift, you can receive praise bonuses at work like “most sales” or “best customer service” bonus. You own the Pinterest board houses, the pretty cars, the house your Venus ruler is in will also show you further depth as to where you get your income, skills, possessions and gains from. Like if it were in 7th house it might be your partners- business or romantic, if 3rd house can be siblings and friends, 11h can be scholarships, community, sponsorship groups, go fund me etc. 

It also indicates your love language is gifts as Venus shows how we receive beauty, luxury, pleasure etc. even though 8th house shows your gains, Venus here also makes you get a lot except instead of it being shared with you, it is owned by you. Like someone purchasing a home in your name, a trust fund etc. 

You can have a good amount of savings, or not have to worry about it because someone else is saving in your name. It reminds me of Gabrielle Solis, a character from desperate housewives tv series who’s husband refuses to give her his credit card as a punishment, therefore other men end up paying for Gabrielle’s expenses like her shoes, fine dining etc. she says “I’m a pretty girl, and pretty girls are never lonely”. What Im trying to say is that even if you get broke somehow you always have someone or something at the right time might swoop in and pay for your stuff, can be a family member, friend, work bonus, just depends on the sign. Although this isn’t the 8th house, people can pay for your stuff because Venus represents receiving and love being expressed. You can end up not having that much savings because you’re always spending it, but because Venus is here and it shows how we store money; you can store yours in prestigious banks that are known for luxury and added benefits, trust funds or even as a child you could have had the most prettiest piggy bank that made saving an indulgent pleasure. Earning, Spending and Saving money can feel good for you because it’s adding to your security that you so deeply value. Also your weddings are bomb as hell, beautiful I must say especially if your Venus is in cancer here. You guys have the “crazy rich Asian” kind of weddings. 

To maximize your income and earn more, I’d say you should act entitled to the best, knowing that you deserve it all. Your self worth isn’t dependent on receiving but know that you receive because you have self worth. You need to look good, feel good and enjoy leisure, give satisfaction. That’s how you can make more income and own more assets. It can range from lip service to clearing up the air in a diplomatic manner at work

[cressidagrey]

It's a Love Story - Chapter 1

Summary:

Azriel's shadows find their master a wife.

Azriel would just really like his heart not to get broken again.

And Sky...well, she's just really surprised that that far too handsome male is interested in her at all.

Warning:

Rhys Bashing (as usual), I classified this as Azriel x OC, even when it't technically Azriel x Sellyn Drake (but we kinda know nothing about Sellyn Drake other than that she writes books so Sky is kinda an OC), Cassian is kinda a good guy for once, Azriel has a horrible time, as usual... Stuttering, toxic families (For once I do not mean the IC), Self-Esteem Issues, Secret Identity, Body Image Issues

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.

Koschei the Deathless Sorcerer was killed by the Spymaster of the Night Court. 

It was less dramatic than it sounded. At least Azriel thought so. 

And if Lucien hadn’t been a fucking idiot and put himself into a position to be kidnapped by the very same deathless sorcerer…then they wouldn’t even have been in that kind of situation. 

But he had been and so it ended with Azriel so magically exhausted that he collapsed the very same moment Truthteller stroke true once more. 

At least Koschei was slayn. 

And the only reason Azriel had gone to rescue the red-headed male in the first place was the fact that  Lucien was Elaine’s mate. Lucien was the male Elain loved. Azriel couldn’t let him die. 

Couldn’t let Elain feel the devastation of a mating bond broken by death…so his decision making had been quick. Either he would manage to get Lucien free…or he would die trying.  There wasn’t many things that he wouldn’t do for the female he loved. Even when he knew it shouldn’t be. 

Azriel had never been very good at knowing when enough was enough after all, wasn’t he?

No price was high enough to pay when it was about Elain’s happiness, as far as Azriel was concerned.  

He hadn't expected to wake up, and yet… there he was. Alive and whole.

*I hope it was worth it, Master,* the shadows sniped at him.

He blinked, taking in the dim light of the room, taking in the familiar surroundings. His room in the House of Wind.

“You are a fucking idiot, you know?” Cassian hissed at him from his place at his bedside and Azriel blinked at him.

"Lucien?" he brought out hoarsely.

"Not as much as a fucking scratch on him. Thanks to you," Cassian responded. "You on the other hand...Madja thought you were going to fucking die from pure magical exhaustion!"

Even Azriel he had...it would have been worth it. Lucien had made it out alive - and that was all that mattered in the end. Elain would be happy. That was all he cared about.

He didn't say that aloud though. 

He took a deep breath, opening his eyes again. "How long was I out?" he asked.

"Three days," Cassian growled. "Three. Days."

Azriel sat up slowly, wincing at the ache in his muscles. It felt like his entire body was one giant bruise, every inch of him pained and sore.

"Lay back down," Cassian snapped.

Azriel shot him a glare, but sank back onto the bed nonetheless. "I'm fine," he grumbled. "Just tired."

"Yeah, well, we'll let Madja be the judge of that," Cassian snapped. "And when you are feeling better, I am going to kill you for going off on your own!"

Azriel just gave him a weary look. "Better me than you," he said dryly. He closed his eyes, feeling a deep exhaustion settle over him. Cassian had Nesta to think about. Azriel didn't. Azriel just had himself.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Cassian demanded.

Azriel didn't have the energy to answer

He dosed off, feeling the shadows twine around him. They were muttering, words he could c quite understand, bitching under their breath but for once it was comforting.

He woke up, feeling groggy and disoriented. His eyes felt like sandpaper, and his limbs were heavy. He groggily blinked at the room, feeling like he was in a haze.

It took him a moment to realize he wasn't alone. Cassian was still there, as was Madja.

Azriel groaned, pushing himself up into a sitting position. His head was throbbing, and his vision was a little blurred. He rubbed his face, trying to clear the fog from his mind. "Hey," he said, his voice rough and gravelly.

Cassian and Madja both looked at him, their expressions relieved. "How are you feeling?" Madja asked him, moving closer to the bed and waving a hand in front of his face.

"Like I was hit by a wagon," Azriel admitted. His muscles felt tight and sore, his body heavy with fatigue. His wings felt like they were made of lead, and every movement took a huge effort.

"That's unsurprising considering you nearly magicked yourself to death," Madja said gruffly. "Your body had a tremendous amount of stress and strain put on it. You're lucky to be alive."

He gritted his teeth. "Yeah, well, I didn't have a lot of other options," he pointed out.

Madja just let out a huff and began prodding and poking at his body, running her hands over his wings and checking his pulse. Cassian watched anxiously from the side, his arms crossed over his chest.

Azriel bore her ministrations in silence, trying not to wince as she poked and prodded at him. He knew she was just trying to help, but it didn't make the ordeal any more pleasant.

After what felt like forever, she finally stepped back, nodding to herself. "You're lucky, shadowsinger," she said gruffly. "You're lucky you're so damn resilient," she said, and he couldn't tell if it was a compliment or just an observation.

He looked at her blearily. "I guess I can add that to my list of things to be proud of," he muttered sarcastically.

Cassian barked out a laugh, but Madja just rolled her eyes. The door opened at that moment. "How's he doing?" Rhys demanded.

Azriel wanted to let out a sigh at the sight of Rhys. He loved his brother, but he didn't have the energy for a lecture right now.

Madja turned to Rhys. "He's weak and he's stupid," she snapped. "But he's alive."

Rhys let out a sigh, the tension in his shoulders easing just a little. "Thank you, Madja," he said. "Would you...give us a moment?"

Madja nodded, patting Azriel's leg as she got up to leave. "Rest," she ordered. "And no strenuous activity for at least a week."

As soon as the door closed behind her, Rhys turned to Azriel. "What were you thinking?" he demanded, his eyes blazing.

"I was thinking that I was saving Lucien's life," Azriel replied evenly, meeting his brother's gaze. "I couldn't let him die, Rhys."

"Wouldn't that have made it easier for you?* Rhys demanded sharply mentally. *You are the one that fancies himself in love with Elain.*

Maybe it shouldn't hurt him as much as it did. He didn't fancy himself in love with her. He was in love with her. Had been in love with her and Rhys had been the one to order him away from her, which had given Lucien the opportunity to swoop in and Elain had...Elain had given in. Given in to that Siren Song of the Mating Bond and was very much in love with her mate now. 

It hurt to hear Rhys say it like that, like it was just some passing infatuation that he'd gotten over.

*Lucien is her mate,* he responded simply. He didn't say what he really thought. He didn't say that he would rather have Elain be happy and never talk with him again than to have her wilt like one of her flowers because her mate had died and the mating bond would be broken… He didn't say that he loved Elain enough, that her happiness was more important to him than anything else. He didn't say any of that.

*At least you are recognising that now,* Rhys said with a snort.  Azriel didn't flinch. Didn't react.

He hid away in that little corner of his brain he went to when everything became too much. Where he could just shut up all his feelings, all these pesky emotions, and just be...nothing. Nothing. That's the only thing he still had left.

He just shrugged, schooling his face into a careless expression. "I did what I had to do, Rhys," he repeated stubbornly. "Lucien is a good male. He didn't deserve to die."

"Elain wants to thank you," Rhys said suddenly.

Azriel's stomach twisted as Rhys mentioned Elain. He felt a pang of longing in his chest, a desperate ache to see her, to touch her, to hear her voice. But he knew he couldn't. He couldn't subject himself to the torture of seeing her with her mate, seeing her happy in Lucien's arms.

So his answer was definite: "There is no need for that," he said simply.

Rhys gave him a sharp look. "Don't be an idiot," he said gruffly. "She's been worried sick about you."

But Azriel just shook his head, even as his heart thudded in his chest.

*You can keep it together for 5 minutes,* Rhys snapped into his mind.

"Rhys," Cassian said carefully. "If he doesn't want to, just let it..."

"He's being ridiculous," Rhys snapped, interrupting Cassian. "Elain is family.”

Azriel grit his teeth but didn't respond. He didn't have the energy for an argument right now. He just wanted to sleep.

*See her for 5 minute snad then you can sulk like a spoiled child until you feel better about yourself,* Rhys bargained drily.

Azriel hesitated. He knew he should see her, knew that it would make things easier for everyone if he did. But the thought of seeing her, seeing her happy with Lucien when he was so miserable, was like a knife to the gut.

"Does it even matter what I want?" he asked, his voice flat.

Rhys let out a frustrated sigh, looking at him with exasperation. "Az, stop being so damned stubborn. Elain has been worried sick about you - the least you can do is let her see that you are alive."

Azriel didn't say anything. Didn't respond. He just stared at Rhys, feeling like every fiber of his being was being pulled apart. He wanted to see her. Wanted to see her more than anything. But he knew that once he saw her, he wouldn't be able to hold himself together. He would break. He would shatter into a thousand pieces.

"Just...come on, Az," Rhys said finally. "Let her see you. She needs to know you're alright."

Azriel knew he couldn't say no. Knew he couldn't hurt her like that. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Fine," he said softly. "But just for five minutes."

Five minutes. He could do five minutes. He had to. For her…

She was still as achingly beautiful as she always had been. These devasting brown eyes, the caramel curls...

Azriel's breath hitched at the sight of her, and he felt a wave of conflicting emotions wash over him. Love, longing, sadness, and that bittersweet pang of being so close to something he could never have.

Behave, Rhys warned him sharply.

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. Trying to push back that wave of feelings that threatened to drown him. It was just five minutes, he reminded himself. Five minutes. He could do this.

The shadows swirled around him, welling up with intensity, shrouding much of his body in inky blackness and Elain flinched back from them.

She had never quite warmed up to them. Azriel was just thankful for that display, for keeping her away from him as she entered the room, Lucien on her heels.

"How...How are you feeling?" she asked him, her voice soft.

He could tell that she was worried, that she was concerned for him. It warmed something inside him, and he hated himself for it. 

"I'm fine," Azriel answered hoarsely.  "Just tired.

"I...thank you," Elain said softly, binting her lip. "If you hadn't...if you hadn't killed Koschei and freed Lucien...I...Thank you, Azriel."

Hearing her say his name again was like a punch to the gut. It was both a comfort and a torture, to be so close to her and yet so far away. He swallowed hard, biting back the words that threatened to spill out.

"You don't owe me any thanks," he said quietly. "I just did what had to be done."

"I do owe you my life," Lucien disagreed. "Thank you. Without your interference...I wouln't have survived, " he said flatly.

Azriel just shrugged, feeling a wave of bitterness wash over him. He had saved Lucien, had risked his life to save the male who was mated to the female he loved. It was a strange sort of irony.

"It's fine," he said roughly. "I'm just glad I got there in time."

He couldn't look at her. Couldn't look at Lucien. It hurt too much. So he stared at the floor, willing the shadows to consume him entirely.

"We are all just happy you are feeling alright," Elain said softly. "I...I was worried about you. Everyone was."

Azriel forced himself to look up at her, his heart clenching at the sincerity in her eyes. She really had been worried about him. "I'm alright," he promised her, his voice rough. "Really. I just need some rest."

Elain hesitated, taking a step forward. He could hear her heartbeat, could feel the warmth radiating off her skin. It was torture to be so close to her and yet so far away. It was torture to know that she was so close and yet so unattainable. He wanted to reach out, to touch her, to hold her, but he knew he couldn't. He held onto that last shred of reason he had.

She tugged a piece of hair behind one delicately arched ear...and that was the moment he saw the gold and pearl ring that decorated her ring finger.

"Congratulations." He wasn't sure how he even brought out these words...how he managed to make them sound...appropriately happy for her.

It took a herculean effort to say those words, to offer a smile that barely reached his eyes. Every fibre of his being was screaming in protest, yelling that he should have been the one giving her that ring, that he should have been the one by her side. But he pushed back those feelings, burying them deep down inside of himself. He couldn't let her see how he truly felt. He couldn't let her know how much it was tearing him apart to stand there and look at her. Look at her with her mate, with the male she loved, the one she had chosen. 

"Congratulation," he repeated, his voice a little rougher than before.

"It wouldn't have been possible without you," Elain said, with a smile.

Azriel just nodded, feeling a lump in his throat. He couldn't find the words to respond, couldn't find the words to express the tangle of emotions swirling inside of him. He just sat there, feeling more alone and isolated than he had in a long time.

Elain took another step in his direction, seemingly ready to reach out, but Cassian intercepted her. placing a gentle hand on Elain's shoulder. "He needs his rest," he said softly. "Let's leave him be for now."

Azriel felt a pang of gratitude towards Cassian. Elain hesitated, looking torn.

"I wish you every happiness," Azriel brought out his voice hoarsely. Not even a lie.  It was the frank truth in these words and Elain gave him a smile, before Lucien's hand came to rest at her lower back, guiding her out of the room.

Thank the cauldron. They were gone. 

He slumped back into the pillow.  He was falling apart. He was exhausted, emotionally and physically. He just wanted to be left alone, to lick his wounds in peace.

"Az..." Cassian said carefully, but he cut him off.

“I am tired,” Azriel said, his voice hoarse. “I need to sleep.”

The shadows swirled around him tighter. 

Rhys and Cassian exchanged a look, before Cassian nodded, "Alright," he said. "Get some rest."

He laid down properly, closing his eyes, calling the shadows to him wordlessly. They swamred around him immediately. Damn Near suffocating him.  It was the only thing that kept him from starting to sob.

The shadows embraced him, wrapping him in their inky blackness, shielding him from the outside world. They were his only comfort, just like they had been for centuries. 

*We are there, Master.* They promised him softly. *It will be fine, Master.*

He didn’t believe a fucking word they said. 

*We are not willing to lose you, Master. We aren’t interested in finding a new master,* they told him seriously. He choked out a laugh that turned into a sob. 

*Sleep, Master. We'll keep watch,* they promised him.

And they did. 

Bone deep exhaustion meant that at least his sleep was dreamless. At least that was given to him. It was a small mercy. 

When he woke up again, Nesta was there, sitting in an armchair reading.

Azriel blinked, feeling disoriented and groggy. He sat up slowly, wincing as his wounds protested the movement. Nesta looked up from her book, her expression neutral.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him quietly.

"Fine," he answered, his voice hoarse. He was fine. He would be fine. 

"Thank you," Nesta said suddenly.

Azriel looked up at her, surprised. He wasn't even sure what she was thanking him for.

"For what?" he asked, his voice rough with sleep.

“You nearly got yourself killed to save my sister’s mate. I think Thank you is the least I owe you," Nesta said drily.

She mustered him with grey eyes and he knew that she knew. Knew that she knew or at the very least could guess about his feelings for Elain and probably be right. She wouldn't say anything, but she knew.

He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. It was over with. Done. 

Lucien and Elain could be happy and Azriel…Azriel would hide away somewhere. 

"You don't owe me anything," he waved Nesta off weakly, but she didn’t seem to want to take the hint, sticking out her chin. 

"Yes, I do," Nesta disagreed. "You are the reason why my little sister is happy right now," she told him fiercely. He swallowed down the unkind words at the tip of her tongue...didn't say anything. Didn't.... He didn’t want to think about this. He didn’t…

"Is there anything I can do?" Nesta asked him, her voice soft. "Anything at all, Az?" H knew that he could ask for anything and Nesta would do her level best to give it to him. She was stubborn like that. He had half a mind to ask her to use her silver flames to put him on fire and put him out of his misery. 

He didn’t. 

Even that wouldn’t fix it. 

There was nothing. There was absolutely nothing to make it any better. There was nothing that could...that could fix the ache in his chest.

"Porridge," he said, his voice hoarse.

"Porridge?" Nesta repeated incrediously.

"Porridge with honey. I am hungry," he repeated, meeting her gaze. Food. Food. More Sleep. More Work. He could fill his waking hours with useless things and everybody would be happy. 

Nesta just looked at him for a moment, then inclined her head.

"Porridge with honey. Alright," she agreed. Just a moment later a massive bowl of Porridge with honey drizzled on top, appeared on his bedside table, so hot it was steaming. Seemed like the house was in a mood to spoil him. He even got a whiff of cinnamon from it.

"Thank you," he thanked Nesta's creature aloud as the shadows fetched the bowl and held it up for him to eat a spoonful. "What are you reading?" he asked Nesta, changing the topic. 

She was polite enough not to say anything about it. 

Nesta held up her book. “The newest Sellyn Drake novel,” she replied.

"Is it any good?" he inquired, stirring his porridge gently.

“It’s brilliant," Nesta gushed, her eyes devoured the pages as soon as she looked down to continue reading.

"You seem to really like it," he pointed out, taking another bite of his porridge. "It is brilliant," Nesta agreed readily. “The plot is so intricate and twists and turns and the characters are so deep and complex and their emotions are so real and the romance is so...” she trailed off, blushing slightly.

He opened his mouth to respond...but then he heard her.

Mor. Of course.

He couldn’t deal with Mor. Not right now. But there she was, Rhys hot on her heels.

Nesta heard her too, rolling her eyes, curling back up on her chair, making it very clear that while she was going nowhere, she was letting him deal with it on her own. 

And he didn’t want to deal with Mor. 

But there she was. 

Mor came strolling into the room, her usual confident smile firmly in place. Rhys just looked at Azriel, his expression unreadable.

He didn't say it.  But Azriel knew. Behave. That’s all Rhys was telling him these days.  Either it was about Elain and Lucien...or about Mor and Emerie. Like Azriel would ever do anything to put that in jeopardy. Like Azriel was a jealous child that wouldn't allow Mor to be happy on her own terms. Like...

Azriel ignored the sharp pang of hurt that shot through him at Rhys's look.

Still it was better than looking at Mor…he couldn’t bear to look at Mor. 

 Didn't want to look at Mor, in her usual bright red, skin baring dress, that clung to all her curves...didn't want to look at the female he had spent centuries in love with even when he had known that she was never going to return his affections...it hadn't helped him. He had still been in love with her.

And he had still hoped...hoped against all hope that maybe...maybe there would be a time where she would return his affection...that maybe there would be a time where...

But there wouldn't. He knew. He knew. And he had still been in love with her.

Would have given damn near anything for her attention, for that broad smile on her face to be directed in his direction...would have given anything for her to bound over to his bedside and envelope him in her arms...to feel her soft skin against his as she hugged him fiercely, cinnamon and citrus enveloping him.

Now...now it felt like somebody was pouring salt into a gaping wound. Now it felt as painful as the fire and oil on his hands had. She was flaying him alive and she wasn’t even aware that she was hurting him. 

"How are you feeling, Az?" Mor's voice was gentle, concerned. He knew it was genuine, knew that Mor really cared about him. But he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Not when his heart was bleeding out just from the sound of her voice.

"Fine," he answered, his voice flat. "Nothing that sleep won't fix," he promised her, even as her hands fluttered around him as she sat down on his bedside...

She was so close. He could reach out and touch her, could feel the soft fabric of her dress against his fingertips. He clenched his fists, willing himself to keep his hands to himself.

But he couldn't help it. He looked up at her, meeting her eyes. He could see the concern there, the worry. He felt a pang of guilt for putting that look on her face. He didn't want to cause her any distress. 

"I'm just glad you are feeling better," Mor sighed, gently patting his arm. "You had us all worried for a moment there," she admitted softly.

Even just the touch of her hand felt like she was branding him. He wanted to flinch away and forced himself no to.

It was like a bittersweet poison, the way she touched him. It was so familiar, so comforting. But it was also so painful, a reminder of what he could never have.

He looked away, staring down at his hands. They were shaking, just a little. He clasped them together, the monstrous scars that covered them, standing out starkly.

The shadows trembled around him, pulling nearer, growing darker and Mor watched them with a raised eyebrow. "Worried, are they?" she teased him slightly.

*You are fine, Master,* the shadows promised him. *No more fire,* they promised him fiercely. But it didn’t help. He didn’t trust himself to speak without his voice cracking.

Mor seemed to sense his discomfort and stood up, her hand slipping from his arm. "Just rest and get better soon, alright?" she said softly, taking a step back.

"Thank you," he thanked her, his voice hoarse.

He risked a glance up at her, just a quick look. Her face was soft, her eyes filled with warmth. He felt his heart squeeze in his chest and he had to look away again. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

"We should let him rest, Mor," Rhys said, giving Azriel another look.

"Right, right," Mor agreed, already turning towards the door. "Rest up, Az," she said again, giving him one last smile as she disappeared out the door.

Azriel felt a sense of relief wash over him as she left the room. 

Gone. Thank the cauldron. He couldn't take much more of her presence, not right now. 

He didn't even want to know why Rhys had accompanied her. Probably because he was worried that Azriel wasn't going to behave.

What was he supposed to do instead? Tell Mor about how much she had hurt him over the centuries? How she had given him jut enough scraps of her affection to make him yearn for more but never telling him that she didn’t love him like that? 

He wasn’t going to do that. 

He didn't want to look at Rhys right now, didn't want to face the scrutiny of his high lord's gaze. He just wanted to be left alone.

He knew that Rhys was watching him, that the male wanted to say something. But Azriel didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear the lecture, the warning. He just wanted to be left alone.

The room fell silent, except for the sound of his own breathing. He closed his eyes and sank deeper into the mattress. Maybe if he just pretended to sleep, Rhys would leave him alone.

"He's tired. You should let him sleep," Nesta said flatly.

Leave it to Nesta to tell Rhys to stuff it, he reflected weakly. He heard Rhys sigh, but he kept his eyes closed. And after a moment, he heard the sound of footsteps leaving the room.

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, feeling a wave of relief wash over him. 

Alone. Safe. Mostly at least. 

Life went on. It always did.

The exhaustion went away after a few days... he caught up on Paperwork in the meantime. He sent the shadows off to find him one information or other and they didn't even bitch to him that badly, which told him that even they felt bad for him.

Behave. That’s all Rhys was telling him these days.

So he did. He behaved.

He did his job. He did everything Rhys could possibly want from his spymaster. 

He didn’t argue. He didn’t fight. He did his job and he trained and he did everyhting that was expected off him. 

And then he hadn’t tortured himself enough… and he went to visit Rosehall.

Where his mother lived.

Under the Mountains had it’s own kind consequences. This was one of them: His mother didn’t even want to talk to him anymore. 

50 years without him...and his mother had made herself a new family. A family that he wasn’t welcome in. A family that she wanted him nowhere near. He couldn’t fault her for it. Not at all.

She had been half a child when she had had him and it hadn’t been by choice.

So who could blame her for making a new family with people that weren’t as fucked up in the head as he was? Not Azriel.

Azriel didn’t blame her at all. Azriel left her in peace. He didn't reach out. He made sure that she was fine, that she had enough money to never worry about it and otherwise dissappeared from her life. 

His shadows kept an eye on her…He shored up the wards around Rosehall and caught a glimpse of her. And then he left it at that. She looked happy. That’s all he cared about.

Happy and safe and…she didn’t need him. She didn’t want him around her either, and he could understand that too.

And still, it hurt. It hurt so fucking much. 

But 

*You know the rules,* he told the shadows quietly. *You don’t need to report to me about her anymore. Keep an eye on her and only tell me if she is in danger or hurt.*

*Yes, Master,* they agreed readily. 

So he went back to the House of Wind. Back to Velaris…Back to work. 

He went back to his routine, back to his duties, back to his mask of indifference. He hid the pain behind his usual stoic facade, only letting his shadows know how much it hurt. He threw himself into his work, using it as a way to distract himself from his own loneliness.

And when he wasn't working, he would spend hours and hours in the training ring in the House of Wind, working himself to exhaustion. Anything to try and drown out the ache in his heart.

For gods sake, he even attended Elain and Lucien’s mating ceremony. And gifted them an appropriate gift. He behaved just like Rhys wanted him too.

He even summoned up a smile for them on their special day, hiding his own pain behind a mask of false happiness. He congratulated them both, feeling a pang in his chest at the sight of Elain's beaming face. But he didn’t let it show. He behaved. Like Rhys wanted him too.

He stayed for the whole thing. Stayed for the dancing, stayed for the feast. Stayed until he could physically take it no more. And then he had retreated to that training ring again, beating his pain and loneliness out on whatever dummy he could find.

He was so tired. Tired of hiding, tired of pretending. Tired of pretending like nothing was wrong. He wanted nothing more than to just scream and rage and shout and cry. But he didn’t. He held it all in. Bottled it up like he was so good at doing.

He was in the bathtub, sluicing off the sweat he was drenched in…shaking off his wings just because he could move them however he wanted to

*You should go out, Master,* the shadows suggested seriously. *Go out and find a female.*

He just snorted. *Not interested,* he sniped back harshly. *I am not getting my heart broken again.*

Everybody could just fuck off and leave him alone. Even when he was aching…aching for somebody in his life that loved him. For whom he could be everything. Somebody he could dote on. Somebody that wanted his attention, that wanted his love…that would like his ruined hands on their body and wasn’t paid to simply acccept it. 

*You could let us pick her!* the shadows suggested brightly.

His eyes snapped back open and he glared at the shadows swirling around the room. *Absolutely not,* he said firmly. *I mean it, you stay out of it.*

*We can’t do a worse job than you do,* they sniped at him. *Neither The Seer nor The Morrigan would have suited you at all.*

*Excuse me?!* 

*You heard us, Master,* the shadows said, sounding far too smug for their own good. *And you know it.*

Azriel just glared at them, feeling his temper start to rise. *I know I wasn’t good enough for them,* he snapped. *You don’t need to tell me that.*

*You think you weren’t good enough for them?!* The shadows asked him incredulously.

*They deserve better. So much better than me,* he said quietly. "I'm not good enough for either of them. Never was.*

What was he, after all? An Illyrian bastard? A monster? Either? Both? 

He had never said it out loud before, not even to himself. But in that moment, lying in the water, his heart so raw and exposed, he couldn't help but speak the truth that he had always known but never admitted to himself. "I'm not good enough for either of them," he repeated softly, the weight of his words settling heavily on his chest.

He knew it was true. Mor was a golden ray of light, the embodiment of beauty and grace. Elain was sweet and gentle and kind, a pure soul in a sea of darkness. 

And what was he? Damaged. Broken. Scarred. Inside and out.

He had done unspeakable things, things that would haunt his nightmares for centuries to come. He was nothing compared to them. He was darkness, they were light. And they deserved better than him, far better than him.

Even if he had loved Mor with every fiber of his being, even if he had yearned for her with every beat of his heart, even if he had dreamed of her every night, it didn't matter. It had never mattered. Because he wasn't good enough for her. And he never would be.

He wasn’t good enough for Elain. The mother hadn’t thought it to be prudent to make them mates. Both of his brother had been gifted with a mating bond, but not him. That should tell him everything he needed to know abotu the state of his own soul. 

So why…why should he even try anymore. 

Why shouldn’t he just stew in his own misery, alone and heartbroken and a monster and expect everybody to just leave him alone? There was no point of putting himself out there again. There was nothing out there for him. Nothing but more pain.​​

So he closed his eyes again, sinking lower into the water, letting the warmth soothe his aching muscles. He let out a long sigh, his mind already racing with thoughts of his next missions, his next assignments. Because that was all that really mattered now. His job. His duties. His responsibilities. That was all he had left.

Behave. That’s all he was good for. 

*Alright, that’s fucking enough,* the shadows snapped. *You are not letting The High Lord talk to you like that any longer, Master.*

Azriel was so surprised by their fucking vehemence that he could just stare at them. 

*The Morrigan used you for centuries to make herself feel better about herself,* the shadows snapped. *She used the feelings you had for her and that she was very much aware of to strangle you and keep you in line.*

Azriel swallowed. He knew they were right. He knew that Mor had used his feelings for her for a long time. She had led him on, given him false hope, only to yank it away time and time again. It had been a painful cycle, one that had left him feeling used and broken and worthless.

*She could have stopped at any time but she never did,* the shadows hissed. *But instead she hurt you on purpose. Instead of turning you down, she slept with other males to show you that you would never have her!*

Azriel felt bile rise in the back of his throat. Mor had flaunted her other lovers in front of him, making it clear that he would never be enough for her. She had used his devotion to her as a weapon against him, wielding it whenever it suited her needs. And he had let her. He had been foolish, desperate enough to cling onto any scrap of affection she might throw his way.

*And The Seer?! Granted she has never done that, but her feelings for you weren’t particular deep when she replaced you on her affections with The Fox as soon as you weren’t available anymore! If she had cared, truly cared, she would have thought about what happened during Winter Solstice,* the shadows snapped.

*And The High Lord? Don’t even let us get started on him,* the shadows snapped. *You haven’t even done anything since that Winter Solstice, and he keeps behaving like some kind of despotic Overlord, worried that his orders won’t be followed. If you wanted to punch him in the face, you probably had every right to it,* they mumbled.

Azriel couldn’t help but snort. 

*You deserve better, Master,* The shadows told him fiercely. *You deserve somebody that loves you.* 

. He wanted to believe the shadows. He wanted to believe that he was good enough, that he deserved more. But the scars on his body and the memories in his mind told him otherwise. He had done terrible things, things that he could never undo. How could someone like that be good enough for anyone?

*Alright,* he finally agreed weakly. *Find me a house,* he told the shadows, as he closed his eyes.

*A house? What kind of house?* the shadows gave back, sounding surprised.

*A house,* he repeated. *A home. Somewhere in Velaris. Find me a home.* Something that could just be his.

A home. The idea sent a flutter through his stomach. He had never…never truly had a home. Had something that could just be his and nobody else’s. Just…a place that was his, where he could be whoever he wanted, where he was accepted and loved...it was appealing. Maybe even more than just appealing.

He closed his eyes, picturing it in his mind. A cozy little house, just large enough for himself. Warm and cozy and filled with light.

*That’s what a male needs to take a wife after all, right?* He asked, a flicker of uncertainty crossed his face. Was that what he should want? What he was supposed to want? He had never really thought about getting married before. But now, at the mention of it, he couldn't help but feel a pang of longing. A wife...a family...love and companionship. It all sounded so…so nice.

*You want to get married, Master?* the shadows asked curioulsy. *To whom?*

*You pick,* he told the shadows. They swarmed out in pure excitment. Azriel couldn’t even remmeebr the last time they had been so excited. 

He couldn't help but chuckle at their reaction. Maybe they would do a better job than him. At least they could probably sieve out females that were in a romantic relationship or preferred females themselves. 

*Find me somebody that I could make happy. Somebody that….Somebody that could want me.* Some long-suffering female for whom Azriel could maybe try to be enough. Somebody that would love him.

*What should she look like?* they asked seriously.

*I don’t care. Find me somebody that loves me and she’ll be the most beautiful female to me anyway.*

[astrow1zar6]

Astro Observations- 38

Aries suns with Scorpio moons can be big adrenaline junkies. They need to do something dangerous that makes them feel alive. They can be extreme sometimes such as fast driving, mixing substances ect. They don’t feel like they’re living if they aren’t experiencing enough intensity. They should learn to focus this energy in healthier ways such as maybe exercising and sports.

Pisces Mercury’s often did art to express their emotions when younger. I’ve seen Pisces Mercurys who struggled to logically explain how they feel so they would draw or make crafts to show what they were feeling. Their emotions a lot of the times are too complex and intense to explain with only words. They work better with visuals. They could’ve also been better visual learners compared to people giving straightforward instructions when in a classroom setting (they are usually very imaginative).

Mars in Scorpios can have a hard time keeping friends and partners because of how intense they can be. When hurt they can say some really scary fucked up things that can make people want to distance themselves away. ESPECIALLY when they get jealous. They can be super cut throat with their words.

Taurus Venus’s usually came from households where they were exposed to really good food. Either they had enough money in their childhoods to afford high quality ingredients or they came from a family who cooked a lot. This can cause them to be natural cooks themselves. Usually indulged a lot as a child.

Aquarius suns either give IT girl/boy too cool for you vibes or they’re complete weirdos with a school shooter vibe no in between.

I believe Taurus suns are way more jealous than Scorpio suns

Leo moons tend to be the most awkward Leo placement. They have this dorkiness about them which most people don’t expect but I’ve seen it a lot. They can also be very childishly dramatic about very minor problems. Any little inconvenience is seen as a tragedy. However they usually are extremely talented in one area (usually art related) I’ve seen a lot of musicians and drama kids have this placement.

I’d love to have a Sagittarius moon yall seem like you generally don’t give a f*ck what people think and I’m here for it. Such a happy moon sign. However your good vibes 24/7 attitude can make others believe you’re insensitive or shallow.

I notice a lack of fire in the chart can cause a person to go into depression easier. It’s harder to be optimistic.

Venus in 2nd house isn’t just about being rich it also has to do with self esteem as well! When these people are really on the right path they can live such a favorable life! These are the girls you see on YouTube who’s morning routine is waking up at 6, eating a balanced breakfast, moisturize and exfoliate and exercise all before 8 lmao. Usually they don’t start making good money until they fix their self worth but once they do it’s like they flow with the universe without much obstacles. But when struggling with your self esteem you can become bad with your money and be very greedy and jealous of others success so be careful!

Venus in 7th house people are so lucky with relationships. It’s like they just slide into romantic relationships so easily & naturally. So many people want to cuff them up it’s insane. They tend to get along with a lot of different personalities. Very diverse people which attracts people to them like magnets. However, they can be very codependent and do poorly when alone.

Pisces suns are either extremely wise or super foolish and immature. They also always look like they don’t know what’s going on whether they actually do or really don’t😭 even if they are listening to everything your saying it looks like they have nothing going on in their minds like they got a lobotomy lmao (sometimes tho they really don’t know what’s going on, especially Pisces mercs)

Mercury in Capricorns are normally super smart. Street wise and book wise. They can come off as intimidating tho sometimes because of how intelligent they come off. They also have a vibe that can lowkey make people feel unwelcome like you’re too dumb to talk to them💀 (similar to cap risings). They tend to surround themselves with people older/more mature than them they can really get put off but younger acting energies.

Sag risings can be SOOO loud. Especially when they get excited or drunk.

Having a Sun in Aries and a Cancer moon seems like the most difficult sun/moon placements to have together. You have this tough exterior and such a vulnerable interior that no one knows about so people usually treat you harshly not knowing it’s really hard for you to take that☹️ also struggles a lot with being vulnerable to anyone.

Every Pisces Mars woman I’ve ever met was so dazzling to look at. They have such an ultra feminine nature that’s almost ethereal.

[martian-astro10]

D9/ Navamsa chart observations - Part 5

Moon in 1st house gives a spouse who is emotionally expressive, they can also be very moody. If you're attracted to men, then this can also mean that your husband might be a huge mama's boy, so marry someone whose mom likes you. With this placement, if you manage to maintain a good bond with your MIL then you'll have almost no problems in your married life. Your spouse can be prone to jealousy as well.

Sun in the 5th house gives you an extroverted spouse, I feel like this works the best when the person who has it, has a really high self esteem, because if not, you can be jealous of the attention that your spouse gets. You can also feel as if you're not good enough for them.

Mercury in the 4th House can mean that your spouse will be working as an advisor. They may also come from a family where education is given a lot of importance (I know a few people with this placement and their spouse's family was super adamant about them completing their master's before marriage, this is true for both men and women). If you're an academically intelligent person then your in-laws would be more than happy to help you establish your own business, I have noticed this to be true in a lot of cases.

Venus in the 5th house.....can give you a spouse who may be a little too obsessed with themselves. I used to think this was a good placement but then I met a lot of people who have this and their spouses always downplay their achievements and play the victim in social situations. I know a couple where both of them have this and they constantly talk about things that the other has done wrong and it's like a competition of who is sadder, it makes me soooo uncomfortable. One good thing is that, your children are gonna be SUPER creative.

Mars in the 11th House is great in regards to finances, your spouse knows how to earn AND save money, and even though they may like to live a luxurious life, they're well aware of the limitations. They may also have friends in high places and be good at climbing the social ladder. One negative of this is, that they can be TOO focused on earning money, but if Jupiter and Venus are well placed then you have nothing to worry about.

Jupiter in the 3rd house can give you a jolly spouse, they can also be the youngest in their family. They may be really close to their family and after marriage, they would like to live close to them. Your family will treat your spouse as their own child. You know those couples where a person's family ends up becoming closer to their spouse than them, yeah, this is what happens when you have Jupiter in 3rd. You guys may also travel a lot together. I think this placement is really cute.

Saturn in the 2nd house gives you an ambitious spouse, very hard working and tough love type person. They may earn a lot of money but refuse to spend it, OR they refuse to spend money on themselves but have no problem spending it on you. It depends on other factors. ( I know a woman with this, and her husband is so fucking rich but doesn't get new clothes for her, and doesn't buy anything for her, I feel so bad ��, Its giving "ballerina farm") BUT you can also get a spouse who is like "here's my credit card, buy whatever you want"

Rahu in 4th is a strong indicator of moving abroad after marriage, I know people who were unable to get a student visa, work visa and then they got married and were able to settle abroad. This also shows that your MIL may be very involved in your married life, whether for good or bad depends on several other factors.

Ketu in the 5th house gives a spouse who won't be that interested in raising kids. They may also be a little emotionally detached, and can believe in traditional gender roles.

I was thinking of not putting this observation, but then.... precaution is better than cure, so...90% of the female celebrities who have been cheated on by their husbands have Jupiter in Gemini/ Aquarius in d9. So if you have this, be very very picky about who you marry, this is for everyone, but especially for those who have this.

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[arciam]

Deep Dive:

Jayce vs. Romance

(Or, Part 7½ of the "Underrated JayVik" meta series.)

I did say all the way back in part 7 that I might write a separate post about my perception of Jayce when it comes to romantic relationships, so that's what this is.

Obviously, this character-read is very informed by the notion of JayVik being a thing - because, y'know, so is my read of the show - so to start with, we'll have to take the following things for granted for the sake of argument:

Jayce is not straight (I'm not opposed to the idea of a cosmic love which transcends gender, I just don't think it has to be "only" that - we can have both you know)

Jayce's feelings for Viktor, at least by the end of the show, are romantic in nature and Jayce is aware of it (how him and those feelings get there is one topic of this meta)

I will extrapolate a lot from how Jayce behaves in his relationship with Mel, seeing as there are very limited points of reference otherwise

All of this is a personal hypothesis, not a claim to truth

And, if at any point you get the impression I'm talking about a character who might be on the spectrum here, I'm not saying that, but I'm not not saying that iykyk

Now, with all that out of the way:

1. Let me first tell you the story of a nerdy kid

Born into a lower House of toolmakers in the elite part of the city, this young man attends the prestigious academy as - essentially - "the poorest rich kid", where his only friend just might be the teenage daughter of his high-society patrons (who, by the way, are the only other people he will think to turn to outside of his family before deciding to end his life).

He's both a handy and a cerebral guy who has spent most of his life in single-minded pursuit of an outlandish (and also... quite illegal) idea. Everything in his life revolves around it; he hangs tapestries of magicians on his walls and fills his windowsill with interesting crystals he found. He travels to deserts and conducts covert research with dubious equipment, all in hopes of making his singular dream a reality.

So, if his lower status or the weird vibes of his hyperfixation didn't make him a loner, then the necessary secrecy surrounding his special interest certainly would.

(...At the same time, however, he just so happens to also be tall, built, conventionally attractive and carry himself with confidence - so when we as the audience first meet him, we kinda assume that he would be a popular person who has it all, though only because we're conditioned to assume so of people who, well, are like that. Also, the show does a clever thing by first introducing him to us bantering with a pretty girl who appears impressed by him, before we learn of their sibling-like relationship.)

Now, why do I say all of this when it has nothing much to do with romance?

Because this is the boy Jayce never stopped seeing in himself.

A nerd always tinkering away on his model railways in the basement by himself, essentially. He doesn't lack self-esteem necessarily; he is comfortable with who he is and confident in his cause, but he does rather see himself as the odd one out.

Even as the show goes on, despite his charm, his looks, his eloquence and talent for public speaking, I don't feel like Jayce ever truly realises the power and the appeal of him. He knows it tends to "work" whenever he takes the floor (and he is absolutely thrilled with the positive response), but I feel like it's a skill he steps into like a pair of dress shoes, more so than something he views as an innate part of who he is.

2. Boy meets girl - and boy (in one night!)

✨Pop quiz!✨

What happens when the guy who considers himself the least eligible bachelor in the room meets the two - in his eyes - coolest, sharpest, most capable and most admirable people he's ever seen?

(Or more importantly, when those same people express an interest in him and the singular thing his whole life revolves around?)

Well, essentially this:

Sorry, wrong image.

This:

This leads me to headcanon #1 regarding Jayce's relationships with other people:

Anytime any person Jayce looks up to tells him he's a good boy so much as gives him the time of day, he is thrilled.

3. So about that windfall...

Irrespective of all of what I just said though, Jayce also strikes me as a guy who... while definitely not uninterested in having a romantic relationship, doesn't ever actively go for people in a romantic way (or physical, for that matter).

And y'know, case in point is really just how my girl did all of that

yet not only is Mel still required to close the entire gap all by herself in the end, but even in moments where Jayce might recognise her flirtation, you just never see any gears turning in his head like "maybe I should do something about this".

(I remember actually laughing out loud when in episode 4, Mel sways her hips at Jayce asking "To what do I owe the pleasure~?", and for a moment, as Jayce hesitates, I obviously assumed he would pick up on the suggestiveness in some way - if only as recognition on his face -, only for him to go "It's Heimerdinger..." Like, literally the least sexy thing to possibly say in that moment. 😂)

This is why I previously described Jayce as a guy to just kind of... roll with the punches in situations like that.

Though less flatteringly, in conversation I have also likened him to the specific breed of man in real life who "seem content to let themselves be picked up like windfall" - not particularly choosey about who gets to do so and instead opting mostly for the path of least resistance, romance-wise.

Which brings us to headcanon #2:

Jayce - while a highly emotional person who is not afraid to show it - doesn't tend to consciously concern himself with and think about his feelings, what they mean, or where his romantic interests lie, really. He's mostly just along for the ride.

4. By God it's Mel Medarda with a steel chair..!

Now, what do you get when you combine these factors into one character?

Well in this specific case, you get Jayce Talis who - when one of the most capable and admirable people he knows decides, for some reason, that she wants a piece of him - is more than happy to oblige and be with an amazing person. He's just thrilled to be there, basically.

Congrats, Mel - you've managed to push through Jayce's complete lack of response to your advances and unlocked his rare "love-starved boyfriend" skin as a reward!

...So what about Viktor, then?

Well.

He didn't.

As I mentioned in the original post as well, my personal JayVik pet theory is such that "if at any point during their partnership Viktor had made a move first, I do believe Jayce would have put up the equal amount of resistance he did with Mel, so... zero."

(And when I say "move" I mean MOVE - again, nothing short of a smacker or outright love confession would have been enough to spark Jayce into action yet at that point.)

If we're taking the idea that Jayce is "not straight" for granted (which we are), then looking at both Mel and Viktor through Jayce's eyes, I honestly don't believe Mel ever had that much over Viktor in terms of being a viable romantic option - other than the simple fact that she is the one who claimed that spot.

Or, as @glassvines wrote in response to the original post: "Viktor had all the cards...but none of the confidence".

5. Now go sit in the corner and think about what you've done

So yeah, that's tragic and all, but then how do we get to this point?

"Now, all I want... is you."

(Oh hush, don't pretend this is not what that line actually means.)

Point being, if Jayce - while he might not have refused Viktor and may have been equally happy to "oblige" - never consciously considered his own desires and wouldn't have actively pursued a relationship not explicitly handed to him... then what happened for him to end up here, dishing out banger after banger of quotable love confessions which contain the clear message of "I have made my choice, and it's you"?

...Well, in a way I sorta gave it away with the very first image of this post, didn't I.

Oh, what a timeout in the naughty corner can do to set a guy's priorities straight...

With Jayce spending weeks in stark isolation at the bottom of a ravine in the most extreme allegory of "getting locked in a room with someone until you talk it out" (except the guy you're locked in with is you), this proves to be an absolutely crucial time of introspection for him in a multitude of ways.

It's where he faces the wrong turns he took, realises that Heimerdinger was always right about the Arcane's corruption, and recognises the ways in which Mel had used and manipulated him.

It's also where he finally realises what - who - was most important to him all along, and in what way.

(The first three, you can glean from the voice lines played over the scene by the way, in case you're wondering.

So is that last bit just me making stuff up, then? No - it's an interpretation for sure, but not a fabrication. See, the shot of Mel's image burning away before Jayce and giving way to Viktor's instead is not only interesting for drawing yet another parallel between them, but also for being a shot that is otherwise out of place with the voice lines. For instance, there are several lines from Heimerdinger, yet Jayce doesn't envision him; there are none from Viktor - a striking absence in and of itself -, yet he does appear.

If nothing else, what this tells us is that this shot is - mostly - detached from Jayce's other epiphanies that I specified above. At which point, if you then take the shot by itself and purely at face value, it does become a... surprisingly candid symbolism really, if you ask me.)

To be clear though: The preference was always there.

After all, Jayce had previously already recognised that his place had always been with Viktor. Also he did dip out of Mel's bed to go see Viktor before he could have even known Viktor was sick that one time, so...

He just hadn't really thought about what that meant.

But lo and behold, it only took a stint in boyfailure jail for Jayce to consciously come to the realisation of not only that, but also that he is, in fact, not content to be windfall about whom he pledges his love and loyalty to anymore.

He wants to close the gap this time.

And to think: all of that even before he learned that Viktor was also the cause of his lifelong special interest in the first place like whaaaat. Imagine the day he must be having...

Jokes aside though; obviously, there is something to be said about Jayce meeting mage!Viktor and finally understanding - as I pointed out in part 13 - just how much Viktor truly needs him, and this perhaps being the final piece of the puzzle for Jayce to realise his priorities as well.

It would have made this post even longer though, and not even added very much, since I do believe multiple things can be true at once here.

Part 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/7½/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20

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[stevefromupsidedown]

Façade — Pt, five : the morning after • steve harrington x fem!reader

synopsis: It's imminent. They're lurking in the darkness, waiting for the perfect moment to invade Hawkins while Steve meets difficulties in his relationships. warnings: fem!reader with she/her pronouns, deaths, blood, gore and violence, references to mental health issues and low self esteem, very heavy on the angst, very little comfort, basically reader's the worst pessimist, very introspective, references to sexual themes, 18+ ONLY (overall warnings for the series, read at your own risk, don't make it my problem) This material is @takemetothelakes-poets’ property.

PT, SIX | SERIES MASTERLIST | SERIES PLAYLIST

Opening up her eyes, blinking a few times as she woke up from a deep sleep, she immediately felt some weight on the side of her body, and when she tilted her head, she saw a hand resting on the outside of her right thigh.

Steve’s arm was sleepily laid across her thigh and she instantly felt this pressure creeping itself on her stomach as soon as she opened her eyes, turning her head and saw that his face was close to her shoulder, he was deep asleep, by the slow rhythm of his breath and his relaxed face, it brought a wave of melancholy through her body.

Strands of his hair resting against his angelic sleepy face, if things were different, completely different, she wouldn’t feel this deep sadness, she wouldn’t feel so heartbroken. 

She’s about to annihilate their hope of becoming something together. 

She feels so much shame, guilt, but all she can picture, from everything that happened to them in the last couple of days, seems to be Steve’s heart eyes for Nancy in the Upside Down as they were on their way to Victor Creel’s house, all she can picture is how they were in high-school, every interactions until they were together as a couple, every kiss in the corridors, at parties, and how perfect they were and looked.. and those heart eyes as they were marching along a suicide mission. 

She doesn’t acknowledge what happened the night before with Steve, no, scratch that, she doesn’t take it seriously. Even his words, talking about staying with her everyday of his life, made her wince in discomfort, he couldn’t make a promise like that, not when Vecna was still alive, the gates were out, Max was very badly injured, when he looked at Nancy like that and overall they had no idea what was next. 

The night before, in and of itself, was a mistake, it didn’t matter, nothing made any sense, nor did it matter with Vecna on the loose, ready to kill everyone and everything that ever existed. 

Even worse, and she was ashamed to think like that but what she had told him was true, she was triggered by them, by the memories of them in the corridors, she didn’t have any feelings for Steve then but the heart eyes they gave each other in the Upside Down, accompanied by a lot of mixed feelings led her to believe that she didn’t deserve Steve, that she wasn’t worthy of him. 

She will never be. She needs to rip the bandaid off and she needs to do it quickly.

Her eyes drifted from his face to the ceiling, she started to feel some nausea, the taste of bile in the back of her mouth, and gently, she pulled his arm away, and tried her hardest to not wake him up as she escaped to the main bathroom, upstairs, closed the room shut and let out the remnants of her stomach, followed by bile. 

The cold tiles against her legs gave her goosebumps, she started noticing her heart’s palpitations, she could physically feel it beat fast against her ribcage; then the shortness of breath came on. 

“No..” she whined, more like cried. 

Without even realising she was having a panic attack. Having completely laid down on the tiles, her forehead on the floor, hoping the difference of temperature would ‘shock’ her out of it, but it didn’t work, it just painfully passed, her fingers were pressing so tightly into the palm of her hands her nails had left bloody nail marks. 

Tears she had not noticed and could not control were rolling down, erratic breaths escaping her lips, her eyes screwed shut, frowned her eyebrows in discomfort, pain. 

And when it was finally over, she slowly laid her back against the bathtub wall, trying to steady her her breathing, everytime she closed her eyes she was back in the Upside Down, with its thick toxic atmosphere, its monsters lurking in the darkness, silently, this terror living in her stomach, feeling so disoriented and lost. 

The smallest bit of pain from her side reminded her of the violence she had to face in there, how the Upside Down’s not merciful.  She forced herself to open her eyes, facing the door, closed, drying out her tears, taking a deep breath, hunched up as much as she could. 

Closing her eyes one last time to force herself to take a deep breath, even if she relived her solo trip down there every time. 

Breathe in. . . out. . . in. . . out. . .

Dustin woke up with a start, cold sweat falling from his forehead, out of breath. 

He didn't know if he was dreaming or having nightmares and if he was, he couldn’t even remember what they were about.  

He had woken up with this weight on his shoulders and his chest, this darkness lurking in a corner. 

His heart was beating so fast he could feel it by resting a hand on his chest, trying to catch his breath.

It's like he was back there again. 

He was cold, freezing, he hadn’t even realised that his hands were slightly shaking, but holding onto Eddie so hard his knuckles turned white.

As if he were still there again, he could smell Eddie's blood, and all he could see was blood, cherry red, and it was everywhere. It felt cold on his fingers, the tears falling on his hands felt like red-hot water.

His last breath left his lips, his eyes still open. 

Glassy, the pupils were almost covered by a thin layer, clouding his honey brown irises. 

Then the guilt, the shame.

Even if he remembers that she managed to bring Eddie back, and that he's alive, he can't stop but blame it on himself, how he got hurt, died for minutes, sacrificed himself to stall some more time. 

He tried so hard to ground himself, trying to ease the panic, but it didn’t work the way he hoped. 

By pushing the anxiety away he only welcomed it back more. 

Soon, he was hyperventilating, his heart beating erratically, he could feel his thoughts spiralling, tying knots, betraying himself, silently crying to not alert his mother, who was worried enough for him. 

He was alone. 

Nancy and her mom had talked together about doing donations for the families in need, who had taken refuge in both the gymnasium of Hawkins High and Middle School. 

When she had asked if Steve and her wanted to participate she said yes, which led her to go through some of her old clothes and toys in her parents’ garage while Steve was driving to his own house. 

Eddie was better, he could stand and walk, even if it was still a bit painful, he could walk around the house, he still had to stay at hers’, his status of a fugitive wouldn’t be that easy to get rid of, even when —or if— they manage to stop Vecna at whatever he’s prepared for next. 

Steve immediately sensed the mood change with her, she was closed off, stuck in her thoughts a lot.

He had hoped so hard that they were on better terms, not because they had shared a moment together, he knew better, no. It was merely a distraction for him, but because she had started to open up, was less closed off to him, and he keeps wondering over and over again if he had said, or done anything to upset her.

He has no idea.  

And then, mindlessly parking next to his house as he was trying to go through the events of the night before, he remembers what she told him. The jealousy, the emptiness and the extreme uncertainty she feels… and he doesn’t know what to do, what to say to her without sounding like an asshole that doesn’t care, he doesn’t want to dismiss her feelings and her.

He sighs, leaves his car and goes inside his house, in search of clothes, food or anything that could be useful for helping the families in need while she does the same, rummaging through boxes in her garage under Eddie’s concerned eyes. 

He had also noticed how she was quiet, closed off, and couldn't understand her behaviour. And as she was hunting down for old clothes, teddy bears and bedclothes, he recognized her irritation. 

Weirder still, she was scavenging for things that, from what Eddie had imagined, would not be useful for donations of families in need, she now was rummaging through boxes and drawers for equipment and.. stuff?

“What are you doing?,” Eddie dared speak up, sceptical, his eyes furrowed. 

She let out a breath of frustration, he thought she would stop to explain herself but in a quarter of a second she was back to going through the drawers.

Her name fell on his lips in a firm whisper, and she forfeited, turning around slowly to face him, distress evident on her face.

“Tell me what’s bugging you, and please, as you do, tell me why you’re rejecting Steve when he threw himself at you last night,” he gave her a puzzled look, she had hoped so badly he wouldn’t have noticed anything but he’s smarter than he looks, “I heard you guys kissing last night, now I don’t want to know if more was involved.. But please do tell me when I'll be an uncle.”

She sighed again, rolled her eyes at his banter, stepped further so her back was against the wall, crossing her arms, “Steve and I doesn’t concern you, and as for..”

“Excuse me? ‘Doesn’t concern me’”, he quoted in the air, “After I keep playing Cupid both in an interdimensional version of Hell and here? Even now. Are you kidding?”

She completely ignored him, her tone came a little more harsher than she wanted, her eyes stuck on Eddie,  “And as for what I’m doing.. It’s him. He’s opened the four gates to the Upside Down, he leaves them open but he doesn’t attack? He’s literally done what he promised he would do. It’s weird. We need to use that time to get prepared, find whatever we can to.. I don’t know… make survival backpacks? In case of extreme emergency, we need to survive an apocalypse.”

“The apocalypse?” He had this grin coming on his lips, an amused expression on his face. 

“Yes, Eddie, the fucking apocalypse, Armageddon, or whatever the hell you wanna call it! He delivered us his plans on a silver platter, and it fucking happenned. He has to be preparing something, he can’t just give up. He didn’t get Max, but he did get Jason and it was perfect for him since he had turned completely psycho because of Chrissy’s death. But, he got Jason after we shot him to his near-death, then he ripped open four gates of Hell in Hawkins so he’s still around. Him, and those fucking monsters.”

Eddie’s smile fell quickly, she was right. He hadn’t really thought about it, but she was right. 

The threat was very much real and very much around, he started thinking about their little trip in the Upside Down and imagining how far it all could go, he was terrified, he suddenly began to feel cold, he couldn’t be more terrified.

“I’ll help you pack some things for the donations, I obviously can’t go but when you're done, we should call a meeting, plan our next moves, or try to… You’re right, I’m sorry.” 

She had scarred both him and herself, her head hung low, she wasn’t quite sure if it was desperation, frustration, sadness, fear, or all of the above but her eyes started to water. 

“This isn’t going to end well, Eddie, I can feel it.. It’s..,” with a finger on her chin he made her look up softly, their eyes met, and his mind went completely blank, there’s nothing he could say to comfort because he couldn’t believe it himself. 

Instead of words, he put both his arms around her shoulders and held onto her, tightly, like an unspoken promise, her hands scrunched his shirt on his back, she was also holding onto him, as she let her tears cascade down her cheeks, wetting his shirt. 

They were packing Steve’s car, in front of the Wheelers’ driveway, she had managed to sneak a word to Nancy about doing a group meeting after they went to the gymnasium.

With the help of her mother, Nancy was putting away more stuff so that they could donate it, both Dustin and her were quiet, long gone in their thoughts as they were putting away the boxes in Steve's trunk, who was busy getting the boxes from Nancy, Robin next to them.

Steve had also noticed how Dustin was quieter than usual too, but he didn’t say anything, and preferred to wait until they would all meet in her house to talk about what they would do to sneak a word to Dustin, he wasn’t quiet, he was a very loud and very sarcastic kid who had lost all of that, it worried him. 

Not knowing what to do or say to both her and Dustin frustrated him, he felt useless, he now stood next to the both of them, Nancy catching up with him when they heard an unfamiliar vehicle approaching. 

A van? A pizza van? 

Steve turned around fully, frowning, his shoulder involuntarily brushing on her’s, “What the—” he let out as the van parked right in front of the Wheelers’ driveway, she briefly looked at him then turned to the van.

To their surprises, Jonathan, his brother and Nancy's exited the van accompanied by a girl with shaved head and a very long haired late teenager left the van, Dustin gasped and started to hobble towards his friends, Nancy put her box in Robin’s arms without any warning and stepped toward Jonathan. 

The two embraced hurriedly, a rapid kiss on the lips as they held onto each other tightly, whispering things to one another, Steve looked away, trying to not be intrusive, his eyes fell on the one he wished he could be this close with, but she had stopped looking at them. Her head hung low. 

She felt his eyes on her, his shoulder was further into her, she hesitated but curiosity —and longing— got the best of her, and she looked up.  Some of his worry went away when she didn’t look away, but instead kept their eye contact. 

Feeling braver, Steve gently offered her his hand, she briefly looked at the motion, seemed to think it through, and suddenly he awaited her rejection.. But it never came, instead she laced their fingers together, tightly, her head looking up at him again. 

A weight had somehow been lifted off his shoulders, he felt relieved, maybe there was something he could save, maybe it wasn’t all over, he still held hope for them.

The parking lot was full, SUVs from the army were everywhere, along with firemen and paramedics, they had heard that Hawkins was receiving help from the neighbourhood states, many people were missing, some had lost their home and had nowhere to go.

There was something deeply unsettling about stepping in the gym, they all felt it differently, but they were on the same wavelength about one thing: they felt responsible for the people hurt, who had lost everything and they were the only ones to know how and why it happened the way it happened. 

It wasn't just an earthquake, and they would realise that way too quickly, and it would be so deadly. 

Steve had encouraged them to go on, as both Dustin and her had stopped by the doorways (left often to facilitate passage), they gave away the boxes, looking at one another they offered if they could be of any help.

Each had a spot in a different corner, Steve was sorting and giving clothes to the people in need, Dustin was offering water, Robin was making PB&Js’, and she was outside, with other volunteers, firemen and paramedics sorting out medical equipment donations that came from the neighbouring states. 

She was gathering some unnamed boxes from a truck when she caught a glimpse of Eddie’s uncle, Wayne, stepping in the gym, she stopped in her tracks, not knowing what to say or do, she obviously couldn’t tell him the truth, nor confirm that he was missing, she wouldn’t be able to lie to him, but he also couldn’t just not know where his nephew was. 

He would probably recognize her from the many nights she spent crashing at his trailer, but what exactly could she say to him. She was livid, rightfully so, she handed her box to another volunteer nearby and followed him inside. 

He was pinning Eddie’s missing poster —or replacing it as people had drawn horns on his head— on a board that was already so full, unconsciously, her hands started to fidget, her fingers picking on the skin around her nails, while her gaze was on Wayne. 

Dustin’s eyes fell on her as he was handing water, he followed her look and saw Wayne, he understood immediately her dilemma, he put down the platter and started hobbling towards her.. when they were all surprised with a thunderstorm. 

Everyone had stopped what they were doing, an unsettling silence taking place as a second thunderstorm shot through the sky.

Everyone rushed towards the windows or outside, where they all could see some black smoke or cloud, they weren't sure, the atmosphere started to thicken already but they couldn't feel it yet. 

The dark clouds —they appeared thicker than plain smoke— carried more red thunderstorms, the worse was the snow size particles —the same one from the Upside Down— falling from the dark clouds,  that's when they knew it was already happening.

She rushed inside, the only one to move through the crowd outside observing the scene, she looked for and met Steve, both with a very serious face as they looked for the others and hurried back to her house.

Back at her house they waited for the others to be back, Dustin sat on the couch, next to her, his good leg wouldn't stop moving up and down in apprehension.

Robin was the one pacing up and down, under the very stressed pair of eyes belonging to her and Steve, Eddie sat in the stairs watching the front door.

Apprehension, stress and fear radiated from all of them. They were experiencing similar thoughts, it was spiralling, their minds on neverending wheels. 

Stress and anxiety crippling in, watching Robin pace up and down in her living room was like torture, her brain was playing the events from before and the what ifs. So many what ifs. 

Her right leg had also started going up and down, her hands fidgeting involuntarily, from where she sat she could see the garage door open, where she had put some essentials in boxes with Eddie. 

After staring at that door for what felt like eternity she suddenly stood up and went straight to the laundry room where she was scavenging for backpacks, loudly, under Steve's confused eyes.

He dared asking her what she was doing —very fair question— to which she screamed she wouldn't do this again.

Another thunderstorm and her body went frigid, she turned around, backpacks under her arms.

“We need to pack essentials–backpacks!,” Steve had opened his mouth but she stopped him right there. “Listen, I want to be wrong so badly, but those dark clouds, the thunderstorms, the fucking spores coming from the sky, all of this comes from the Upside Down, which is fucking starting to spread.”

She stopped to catch her breath, her eyes softened, looking right at Steve, he sensed what she meant.

“I get you. I do. But we need to wait for the others, wait for them to–”

“What if they're not coming? What if we need to move quickly? I know I'm new at.. all of this, but Steve, I have a really bad feeling about this,” she ended up whispering the last bit, her concern evident on her face and in her voice. 

It was her eyes, they told him something else, but he couldn't put a finger on what exactly her eyes were asking of him. He felt her concern, but what else was there? 

“What if they are coming? Maybe it hasn't travelled to that part of the forest.. what I mean is.. we should wait for Nance,” her name fell on his lips like a resolution, like it was a finality. 

Like he took the decision for them.

It didn't sit right with her.

“So what, we're supposed to wait for them— for Nancy to make our plans when absolutely anything could happen? What if the gates opened further and waves of Demogorgons just invaded Hawkins? Are we still waiting for Nancy then?!”

Eddie stepped from the stairs and was stepping towards the living room where a corridor led to the laundry room.

His eyes met Dustin's, at this point she was talking very loudly, all of them could hear their argument.

“Are we also waiting for Nancy to save us when those bats will rummage through Hawkins? Biting, eating, strangling everyone to their imminent deaths?,” she paused, stepping closer to Steve, feeling rageful by the minute, completely lashing out at him.

“Or let's wait for that gigantic shadow monster to take control of everyone and they've all turned into an apocalyptic zombie movie? Let's wait when there's nothing we can do!”

”Let's wait for Nancy to save us, our Lord and saviour! We wouldn't be here without her would we? You know what, you're right, we're going to patiently wait for her and hope for the best!”

She aggressively pushed Steve out of her way, storming out into her room, pacing up and down as she was unable to contain her anger.

She tried sitting on her bed but she couldn't stay put. 

Downstairs, Steve was shocked, taken aback, lashing out like that wasn't like her. He was confused. 

His hand nervously travelled through his hair, a trembling breath escaping his lips. 

His feet slowly moved to the living room, where three pairs of eyes were expecting him, all questioning what had happened. 

He was about to open his mouth but he stopped himself, what would he say? what would he tell them that could, potentially, explain what happened?

Nothing, because he didn't know. 

He didn't understand what just happened.

He was about to dismiss what happened when they heard the sound of glass breaking upstairs, his brain moved faster than his muscles, he stopped himself in his tracks, she probably didn't want to see him right now if she was so mad at him.

He sent a knowing look at Eddie, who silently agreed to go upstairs, on his way up, a couple steps in they felt a slight movement in the house, an earthquake.

It lasted a couple minutes, small enough to feel it, to make the furniture vibrate but nothing much.

They all stopped, waiting for something else, something that never came, so he stepped further to her bedroom, while Robin had ran to the closest windows that showed the street.

Nothing had changed, there were more dark clouds, and the same amount of thunderstorms, same red colour, nothing had really changed and it had already gotten dark outside.

There were no evident signs that something was happening. Yet.

Eddie opened the door and found her sitting on her bed, a cloth around her hand, dotted in red colour. 

He looked around but found no evidence of broken glass, until he approached the bathroom, and found her broken mirror,  shards of it everywhere in the sink.

He turned around and finally met her gaze, a sigh left his lips as he sat next to her, his hands wrapped around her palm, and tried to uncover the cloth to see how bad it was. 

The cuts were still bleeding, he couldn't see much, but he covered it back and sighed, his eyes met hers' once again.

There's nothing he could say that would make her feel better, so he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, brought her closer to him, his lips ghosting over her hairline.

“We'll get through this,” he finally whispered, the top of his head resting against her's, his hand gently caressing her arm.

“We have to get through this. I promise I will do anything to protect us, I brought you back, I'm not wasting my efforts."

He trusted her, he knew he could trust her with his life, she had already proven that, he didn't know if he could promise it back, he would try though.

When the small earthquake shook Hawkins and everyone waited anxiously to see if anything would happen.. it should have been their signal to leave, plan something, seek shelter or even better leave Hawkins altogether. 

The portals had opened further, vines were the first thing that went through, their roots were already running deep in the soil and the asphalt, travelling further into the city, the sun setting earlier in the day was an omen for them, they were hiding in the obscurity of the night setting.

Oftentimes revealed by the red thunderstorms, went unnoticed as no one dared to leave their houses.

Another earthquake shook Hawkins then, much more intense than the first one when the four gates opened, the ground was completely ripped apart, more houses destroyed, demolished, most of the city was in shambles. 

Roads were destroyed, markets, pharmacies and shops were barely able to handle the shock. The hospital.. the south and east wings were in ruins, on fire, the north and west wings were still holding on but not for very much longer.

There were more fires spreading, more red thunderstorms, more spores. More blood and bodies already started to pile up.

A swarm of demobats entered first, silent as they were lurking in the darkness, small shrieks echoing in the sky were the evidence of their presence.

Then, the first of many Demogorgon passed through, letting out a strident shriek in the night.

It had started.

[animeomegas]

The Quest for a Second Life - Part 2 - Potions and Magic and Sex, Oh My! (1)

ITACHI x ALPHA!READER

Summary: Porn logic, you quickly discover, is great for your soul and general self-esteem, but rather intensive on your poor heart. Your first day in an erotic pocket dimension and the horny shenanigans are only beginning. Also magic? That shit was the coolest thing you'd ever seen. GN!Dom!Alpha!Reader x Multiple Naruto Characters

Word Count: 8.5k

Warnings: Sexual tension and adult situations, although no explicit sex. GN alpha, but all alphas have penises fyi.

A/N: I decided to split these chapters in two because they were getting very long haha! Not much porn in this one, as it's slightly more slow burn compared to Books 2 and 3. There will be a lot of porn in the second half, but this one just needed that build up imo. It's still too early to say Happy Holidays, but seeing that @omeganronpa is sick right now, I will say 'Get Well Soon!' instead :D I tried to get this finished in time to meet the request for softboi hours lol. I hope everyone enjoys!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Epilogue

Waking up when you hadn’t been asleep was somehow worse than normal waking up, and considering how much you hated to do that, it was almost impressive.

Your head was fuzzy with disorientation, and your eyes felt glued together with enough grit to pave a driveway. All in all, you felt pretty rough. It took you a few seconds to remember where you were and what was happening, but once you managed to pry open your eyes, met immediately with an unfamiliar ceiling, everything clicked into place. You were inside your first pocket dimension.

The spike of excitement that shot through you was so strong that the grogginess dissipated almost immediately, and any thoughts about snuggling back to sleep fled with it. With some difficulty, you wrestled an arm from the heavy weight of blankets on top of you and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. Free of grit, you were finally able to examine your surroundings.

Your first thought was that you’d somehow fallen into the ‘Autumn vibes’ Pinterest board that you’d made in the middle of the night that one time when your desire to flee into the woods had been at an all time high. You were bundled up on a sofa in a living room dominated by a gorgeous stone fireplace that held a pleasantly crackling fire, various fire related tools and a small amount of wood storage.

There were floor-to-ceiling shelves everywhere, filled to bursting with artwork, old books, trinkets and pots of unidentifiable but colourful liquids and powders. Dried flowers and large, green house plants dotted every corner of the room, surrounded by candles of every shape and colour you could imagine, all of them resting on a collection of layered, patterned rugs.

Along with the sofa you were laying on, the seating consisted of a cosy armchair in a deep burgundy colour, and a little window seat filled to the brim with a mismatch of cushions and blankets.

The entire room was bathed in a warm, orange glow. It was utterly enchanting.

Distantly, over the crackle of the fire, you could hear someone humming from behind one of the doors. The voice was deep, but not excessively so, and accompanied by the occasional clanging of pots and pans.

That door must lead to the kitchen, you thought.

This little cottage felt so incredibly real and lived in. You had wondered if there would be some kind of giveaway that this was a story premise based in a fake, manufactured world, but so far you had found nothing. It was so much better than you could have dreamed.

That didn’t mean that you didn’t have questions though. Dazzled though you may have been, you needed to know a little more before you came face to face with the first omega. James had said you could communicate with her mentally, so first things first, you needed to figure out how to do that.

‘James?’ You tried using your internal monologue to speak, just with a greater emphasis and purpose than normal. ‘Can you hear me?’

‘Human alpha,’ James acknowledged, her voice sounding just as loud as your own in your head. You flinched a little at the strange sensation of a foreign presence invading your mind. Despite it being vaguely weird that someone could hear your purposeful thoughts, you were grateful to have a guide in an unfamiliar world.

‘I was wondering a bit about free will,’ you said, pausing as you tried to figure out how to phrase the question. James spoke before you could continue.

‘I’m not allowed to give humans any information about free will, religion, the afterlife, aliens, alternate realties, time travel, dead people, living people, or the secret behind the correlation between motherhood and the ability to find objects that accidentally fall into micro pocket dimensions.’

‘No, I meant like in these stories.’ You stopped, processing what James had just said. ‘Wait, motherhood and micro pocket dimensions? Is that why my friend’s mum was able to find the remote in four seconds after we searched for it for three hours that one time?’

‘What part of ‘I’m not allowed to discuss such topics with humans’ did you not understand, human alpha?’

You mentally shook your head, returning to your original point, ‘I was wondering how much free will the people in these books have. Do they have to follow a story, or a script? Will they fall in love me with no matter what I do or say?’

‘These stories are premises,’ James explained. You could so vividly imagine her face as she spoke. ‘They set the world, the rules of the universe, the people and their backstories, their motivations and inclinations, but they don’t provide a script. These characters are just as real as the people from your world by most interdimensional regulations and definitions. They have inclinations towards certain behaviours, but that is no different from your world, yes? People are defined by their experiences and behave in ways that fit their psychological profile and motivations, that does not mean they have no agency.’

You let out a relieved sigh, ‘That’s good. I was worried that they’d be forced to do things with me by the narrative.’

‘Rest assured, human, even in an erotica, if a person chooses to copulate with you, they will have done so of their own volition.’ You snorted at her phrasing, but her words were greatly comforting.

‘Wait, does that mean they can reject me all together?’ you asked, a sudden realisation popping up.

‘Technically yes. It is fairly rare… Although it does tend to happen more frequently with humans who choose erotica stories for some reason.’

Many, many people popped to mind as she said that, from incel forums to the creepy people you’d been unlucky enough to encounter in real life. You were certain that, given the opportunity, most of them would jump at a chance to live as the protagonist of an erotica novel. You were also certain that they’d immediately feel entitled to nonstop sex and a whole manner of other creepy things. It was honestly quite amusing to imagine them getting rejected by the ‘fictional’ love interests they so desperately clung to, and you wished for a moment that you could have had James’ role of fly on the wall to those rejections.

Personally, you weren’t worried about coming across as super creepy and you certainly weren’t going to be forcing anyone into anything. You were confident that, with two attempts, both literally designed to push you and a love interest together, you’d find some kind of fulfilling relationship.

The humming from the kitchen got louder all of a sudden and you wondered if you’d find that relationship with this mysterious omega.

‘Now, human, I will run through the general premise of this world to aid you in your first interaction.’ Even as a disembodied voice, it somehow felt appropriate when James cleared her throat. ‘You are in the world of ‘Potions and Magic and Sex, Oh My!’. You have taken the role of MC, a mysterious alpha that was rescued by the book’s love interest, Itachi, unconscious and in the middle of a snowstorm.’

‘Wait, what was he doing out in a snowstorm?’

‘Please try to remain focused, human alpha. MC, struggling with recalling any memory of who they are or how they got there, relies on Itachi to brew a potion to retrieve their memories. Shenanigans ensue, although the exact type of shenanigans will depend on how you conduct yourself. You have a great amount of power to affect the story, especially considering the MC is an amnesiac. As long as you account for how they ended up in the woods, the backstory is fully yours to fashion. But I advise you to heed my warning.’

You remembered it loud and clear. When picking a backstory, you were going to keep one acronym in mind: MLHH (Money, Love, Health, Happiness). That should serve your needs well. Regardless, you were glad you had time to think about the details while you were playing the amnesiac role.

The weird feeling of presence in your mind faded as James fell silent. You took a deep breath. You could do this. You were going to have fun with a pretty omega, treat him with respect, see real magic (and real porn logic), and all of that would be contained in your dream witchy cottage. As long as you avoided complete disaster, this should be one of the greatest things you’ve ever done.

It was only when the sound of the kitchen door unlatching reached your ears that you realised the humming had stopped.

Your head snapped to the side and your eyes landed on the most beautiful omega you’d ever met. This must be Itachi.

Itachi had long, dark hair that was drawn back into a low ponytail, although he’d left a decent amount loose and framing his pale, heart-shaped face. His features were sharp, especially his eyes, and although he moved gracefully, he also seemed to command attention with a presence that felt both strangely out of place and intimately natural for him.

He wore a cosy collection of warm-coloured, loose clothing, including simple brown trousers and a woollen jumper, finished with a pair of simple, black house slippers. The jumper was sliding slightly off of one shoulder, revealing an extra sliver of bare skin that was strangely hypnotic.

“You’re awake! I was just debating about grabbing some smelling salts,” he said, his intense brown eyes focused directly on you. His voice was as pretty as the rest of him.

Quite frankly, he was stunning from head to toe. You weren’t even slightly surprised that he was the romantic interest.

The man (the witch, you reminded yourself, a little incredulously) approached you until he was perched on the edge of the sofa at your waist. Without hesitation, he reached out a hand towards your head and rested the back of his palm on your forehead. He felt neither hot nor cold, and a moment later he withdrew his hand, staring down at you stoically.

“How are you feeling? Any nausea? Black spots in your vision? Can you move all of your fingers?”

“No, no, and” -you wiggled your fingers under the blanket- “yes. I’m feeling fine, just a little groggy from waking up.”

“That’s to be expected. You’ve been asleep for at least twenty-five hours. I found you unconscious at the base of a tree in the middle of a storm last night. It was so cold; I was worried you—” he cut himself off with a shake of his head. “That doesn’t matter. You’re safe now.”

“And I appreciate that,” you said, sending him what you hoped was a charming smile. “I prefer having all my fingers attached generally.”

“As most people do,” he replied, solemnly, not seeming to pick up on the joke. You almost made a woosh noise, until you remembered that for him, that had likely been a very genuine concern after finding you, so you let the joke die.

“Why were you—” the word caught in your throat, and you suddenly began to cough, only now realising how hoarse your throat was. Right, you’d been asleep for over a day.

“Oh, you must be thirsty,” Itachi said, frowning. You were overcome with a desire to make him smile. “One moment.”

You were expecting him to get up and fetch a glass from the kitchen, so when he suddenly began leaning towards you, reaching over your head towards the side table, you were a little surprised.  That was nothing however to the surprise you felt when he inadvertently gave you a rather spectacular look straight down his shirt. Your coughing spiked and your face warmed.

“Here.” Itachi leant back down, a glass of water clutched in his left hand. With his right hand, he helped you sit up before handing you the glass. You grabbed it and drained the whole glass immediately. The cool reprieve from the irritating scratching was a welcome feeling. Almost welcome enough to make you forget about Itachi’s blush pink nipples. Almost.

Realistically, you weren’t sure how could you forget a view so enticing. No, stop it, brain, now was not the time. Except… this was the time. This was a pocket dimension based around porn logic and that was your first taste of it.

Wow, who knew porn logic was so delightfully pink and round, you thought giddy.

“Are you feeling better?” Itachi asked suddenly, knocking you out of your thoughts. His jumper was firmly back in the place it was supposed to be.

“Uh, yeah, totally fine.” You knew you must have had a stupid, dazed grin on your face, but knowing about it didn’t make it any easier to stop. “You’re very pretty, by the way.”

Itachi froze, and for the first time since you’d met him, his composure slipped, a tiny, almost unnoticeable blush bloomed high on his cheeks. It was a similar colour to his—Nope, going to stop you right there, brain.

“Oh.” He didn’t say anything else, only staring at you, wide eyed. You were surprised by his surprise. Surely this man was more than used to people fawning and falling all over him; he was objectively beautiful. Although, living in the woods like this, was there anyone else to tell him that he was beautiful? “Thank you.”

The blush lingered for a few more moments before vanishing. Any amount that you had succeeded in flustering him was now locked behind that stoic, but not unkind, face.

“I need you to give me the name of someone I can contact for you, someone willing to escort you home and stop you wandering alone in the woods during a winter storm.” You could feel the gentle rebuke in his words. “I have methods of contacting the nearest towns and villages, I just need to know who to send for. Who should I ask for?”

Right, this was your first attempt at properly engaging in the story, in your character. You had almost forgotten that you weren’t fully yourself in this world. At least your supposed amnesia would be an excellent shield as you came to terms with this experience.

“I don’t know,” you said simply, trying hard to look baffled.

Itachi sent you a sympathetic frown, “You don’t have anyone to contact? Then tell me where you live, and I can escort you home myself.”

“No, I mean, I don’t remember.”

There was a beat of silence.

“You don’t remember?” he eventually repeated, brows furrowed.

“I- I don’t know where I came from, who I am, or why I was in those woods.” This wasn’t your best acting work, for sure, but it seemed like enough to convince Itachi, whose frown deepened even further.

“How is that possible?” Itachi murmured, mostly to himself. He scanned your face but didn’t seem to find anything of note. “Do you remember anything at all?”

“Only basic things, like my name and how to eat and drink.” To prove your point, you gave him your name and rough age.

You watched as Itachi’s frown melted into something a little more determined. His eyes took on a hard edge, and despite his gentle kindness, you acknowledged that he had the potential to be rather intimidating.

“I will help you,” he said firmly, looking you straight in the eyes. “I’m a witch; I can find some way to recover your memories and get you home, I promise. Until then, you are more than welcome to stay with me.”

He really was a kind man, you thought, ‘fictional’ or not.

“Thank you,” you said earnestly. “It means a great deal to me that you’re willing to help.”

Itachi smiled politely as he stood, “Then I will start searching for a spell or potion that can help. First though, you must be hungry. I think it’s time for some dinner.”

Oh, this was going to get you good; you had such a thing for pretty people cooking for you. There was just something about it that satisfied that part of yourself that wanted to be doted on. You were going to enjoy this. Actually, you should probably check one important thing first.

‘James? Does this body have any allergies or intolerances of its own? Or did I just bring mine with me?’

‘Neither. Allergies and intolerances are inconvenient for erotica stories and thus do not exist.’

No allergies or intolerances at all?

‘James, this is the best day of my life and I want to kiss you on the mouth.’

‘You are supposed to kiss the omega right in front of you, human alpha, are you confused?’

You didn’t reply. Itachi started walking back to the door he’d come from. Just as he reached the doorway, he turned back to you.

“Oh! My name is Itachi,” he said. You knew that, of course, but it was still nice to hear him say it. “Take your time getting up, I’ll set the table and finish up the cooking.” He disappeared round the corner, although he didn’t shut the door behind him.

Ignoring his instructions to take your time, you cheerfully threw back your blankets and stood up, taking a second to shake out your limbs and run your fingers through your hair. You looked exactly as you remembered yourself looking, just dressed in different clothes. You were wearing a very simple long-sleeved shirt and pair of trousers that looked like they would fit in with whatever pseudo time period this was. You wondered briefly if these were your clothes, or if Itachi had dressed you in something of his. The clothes did seem to fit you too well to be borrowed, but you weren’t sure if porn logic made everything that much more convenient. No amount of convenience with clothes would ever trump convenience with food. You had no allergies or intolerances, and you’d never develop them in the future either!

The living room looked a bit smaller now that you were standing, but it only added to the cosy vibe. You took a deep breath, savouring the smell of the firewood burning and whatever was cooking in the kitchen mingling in the air. You followed Itachi into the kitchen, feeling like you could skip with glee.

Stepping in, you were grateful you had socks protecting your feet from the stone floor. The kitchen was small, containing only the necessary kitchen supplies and a tiny, two-person table, although through the window you could see hints of an outdoor kitchen with a fire pit and grill, and a much larger dining table, probably for use in the summer. The clutter from the living room continued into the kitchen, with pots of wooden spoons, pans and dried flowers hanging on the walls, and an impressive spice cabinet that took up almost the entire back wall.

It also looked like something straight out of your Autumn Pinterest board.

Itachi was at the oven, stirring a pot of something that you couldn’t see.

“It smells great,” you said earnestly, sliding up beside him and peering into the pot. It seemed like some kind of stew.

Itachi turned, and greeted you with what seemed like his first proper, genuine smile, “You think so?”

“I do. Thank you so much for cooking.”

You weren’t quite confident enough to stake your life on it, but you were pretty sure that, if the pot on the stove wasn’t bubbling so loudly, you’d have been able to hear him purring. The way he suddenly just so happened to be pressing one hand to his mouth only supported your theory. Clearly, this omega hadn’t been praised enough in his life. Thank goodness you were here to rectify that.

“Is there anything I can do to help? I can lay the table if you tell me where everything is.”

Itachi cleared his throat (and you could swear there was a hint of a purr in there!), “No, that’s alright, just sit down, I’ll handle it.”

“Are you sure, because—”

Itachi clicked his fingers and out of one of the cabinets floated two bowls and two glasses. You watched, completely stunned as they floated to the table and set themselves neatly in front of two of the chairs. Itachi then waved his hand at one of the drawers and two forks and two spoons did the same as the dishware, laying themselves neatly alongside the bowls.

Magic.

Real life magic.

Holy shit, you hadn’t thought about the fact that he was a witch, not really. Magic was real. Itachi just laid the table with magic. You sat down heavily in one of the chairs, mouth hanging open slightly.

‘James?!’ you mentally asked, desperately.

‘I cannot kiss you, human alpha.’

‘What? No! James, is it possible for me to learn magic in this world?’ Please say yes, please say yes.

‘Yes, everyone in this world has the ability to learn at least some kind of magic. It will not become clear how much magic you have until you are actually apart of this world, but I should imagine you will at least be capable of brewing potions.’

Yep, this was definitely the best day of your life. Or afterlife? Either way, if you picked this world, you’d be able to learn at least some magic. That counteracted a lot of the downsides of living without modern technology that you had been considering. Not having modern medicine was moot if potions were just as effective. Not having electric heaters was fine if warming charms existed.

Itachi knocked you out of your thoughts when he came over with the pot and began gently ladling the stew into your bowl. You would explore magic later, right now, was time to eat.

…

You had eaten most of the stew in a silence that neither you nor Itachi felt compelled to break, although you had noticed him sneaking glances at you every so often. The stew tasted homey, hearty, slightly sweet, and all around delicious.

‘James, I am so happy right now.’

‘I did not realise humans were so passionate about stew. I will make a note.’

You shook you head lightly, vaguely amused by James’ shenanigans.

Even with the display of magic earlier, things felt weirdly normal. Baring the nip slip from earlier, there hadn’t been any other porn logic that you’d noticed. It was kind of a relief. Although you were still incredibly excited to be horny on main forever, being able to just breathe and enjoy a nice meal was good too. No one wanted to have sex shoved in their faces 24 hours a day.

You attracted yet another glance from Itachi, but this time, you noticed that he had a tiny splash of stew at the corner of his mouth. Despite just finishing establishing your relief that porn wasn’t going to be shoved in your face, you felt immediately compelled to test some porn logic. You didn’t want to ruminate on what that rapid 180 mental turn might suggest about your psyche.

If porn logic was at play, could you just… reach and wipe his mouth for him? Would he take that positively? You debated on it for a bit, but ultimately decided to try it; you had amnesia for an excuse if he didn’t take it well, and it wasn’t so creepy that he’d hate you, hopefully. He was your love interest, right? You needed to flirt with him.

“Itachi?” you said softly, shuffling your chair slightly towards him. His head snapped up to yours, spoon hovering over his bowl. “You have a little something.”

Slowly, allowing him plenty of time to reject your advances, you reached a hand out towards his face. Itachi watched you, wide eyed, but didn’t move.

Slowly, your thumb made contact with the corner of his soft lips. In what seemed like some kind of automatic impulse, Itachi’s lips fell apart slightly as soon as you touched them. You could feel his hot, stuttering breath, and as you swiped the stew away, you were treated to the smallest flicker of his tongue. You shivered as the wet warmth brushed against you; the atmosphere was electric.

You took in a breath of Itachi’s scent which was suddenly twice as strong. Yeah, you were definitely in an erotica, fuck.

Itachi’s spoon clattered back into his bowl, splashing droplets of stew over the wooden table and shattering the heated moment. Itachi stood suddenly, his chair scraping across the stone.

“I- I’ll wipe up the spill,” he said, rushing to the counter to grab a cloth.

You cleared your throat, trying to hide your smile, “Right, you do that.”

Pretty omega, inviting you to stay in his home, cooking for you, accepting your flirtations. The heat in your stomach was no longer just from the food.

The electricity died as Itachi wiped up the stew and took the bowls in one fell swoop, leaving everything feeling normal. You tried to offer to wash up, but Itachi declined, escorting you back to the sofa ‘to rest’.

“I’m going to go and check in my study for any information on amnesia. Please make yourself at home, but don’t go outside; if you faint in the cold and I don’t realise, it could end up worse than last time.”

You were about to argue that you weren’t going to drop dead the second he took his eyes off you, (you wanted to see the magical woods you were in!), but the words died when you realised that from Itachi’s perspective you were sick and had already fainted in an inopportune location once before. He was just looking out for you.

“I’ll stay inside,” you promised, reluctantly. “But you have to give me a proper tour of the woods at some point, okay?”

He inclined his head, “Of course. I won’t be long.” He then disappeared through a door on the other side of the living room.

The second he was gone you went back into the kitchen and washed the dishes.

Then, unable to see the woods, and not wanting to be creepily exploring the rest of the house without your host, you found yourself in front of the fire, searching through Itachi’s books. Unfortunately, Itachi seemed to keep all the magic books somewhere else, which wasn’t surprising you supposed, but you did manage to find a book on fairytales. How different would this world’s fairytales be? To be honest, you hadn’t expected the world to be so in depth as to have its own fairytales at all.

You flicked through the book for a few minutes, enjoying the illustrations more than anything.

‘James, are any of these stories based in truth in this world?’

‘Oh, I should think only around half have any significant amount of truth to them.’

‘Half?!’ you said mentally, trying not to choke. ‘I’m in the middle of the woods and vulnerable! What do you mean half of them are real? That big foot esque thing with horns and jagged teeth on page three isn’t real though, is it?’

‘Not anymore!’ James said, as chipper as can be.

“Right,” you said breathlessly. “I think I’ve had enough of reading fairytales actually.” You closed the book, intending to slot it back onto the shelf when a single page fell out and fluttered to the floor, dangerously close to the fire. Fuck, you were left alone for an hour, and you were already wrecking things. You snatched it up off the ground, intending to slip it back inside and not mention it, when you realised that the page didn’t look like it belonged to that book at all.

In fact, you held it up closer to your face, it looked like a potion recipe!

“’Amnesia Reversal Potion’,” you read out loud. “No way.” What were the odds on finding this? Actually, erotica books didn’t normally have complicated plots, so the odds of this literally falling into your lap were probably quite high.

You stood up, recipe in hand, and went to the door that Itachi had left through earlier, “Itachi?” You got no response. It was his study, so maybe he wouldn’t mind you just poking your head in. You slowly pushed open the door and slipped your head in. “Itachi? I think I found something to—”

Oh.

This was his study and his bedroom.

And you had just walked in on him changing.

Itachi jumped in shock, grabbing the nearest blanket and holding it over his chest while you stood frozen in the doorway.

Yep, those beautiful nipples were absolutely haunting your dreams tonight.

…

After many apologies were handed out and the awkward horniness of receiving your second accidental flashing had dissipated somewhat, you and Itachi were sitting in front of the fire together, looking over the potion recipe that you’d found.

It was dark now, and the vicious Winter wind shook the windows and billowed around the chimney. Thankfully, having Itachi pressed against your side was fighting the chill away. The hot chocolate that Itachi had made was helping too, served in mugs carved with runes that kept the delicious drink at the perfect temperature.

You had also been delighted to discover that Itachi wore glasses when reading, and he looked rather adorable when he adjusted the thick, black frames as he scanned the recipe.

Itachi made a considering noise as he went through the ingredient list, “The potion is simple to make, but has quite a long ingredients list. I have most of it, thankfully, but there are a few things I’ll need to go out and buy or collect.” He put the paper down and took a sip of his hot chocolate, making a little sinful noise of pleasure as he did. The hot drink fogged up his glasses, so Itachi took them off. “There isn’t much we can do tonight, but tomorrow I can start collecting everything we need.”

“Can I join you?” you asked, shuffling a bit closer.

Itachi seemed surprised, but soon that melted into a smile, “Of course, as long as you’re feeling up to it. I’ll charm all your clothes against the cold, just to be safe.”

A fair request seeing that he lived in the middle of a freezing forest. It did bring up some of the questions you’d had for him though. You weren’t sure if James knew about Itachi’s backstory, but it felt wrong going behind his back regardless. You’d rather hear it from him.

“Can I ask you some questions? About you?”

Itachi hesitated for a moment before seemingly forcing himself to relax, “Of course.”

“Why do you live in the middle of nowhere? Do you… have friends?” You hesitated before asking the next question. “Family?”

“I used to live in a village not too far from here,” Itachi said slowly, staring into his mug. “It’s where I was born and where my family is still living. There was an… incident, when I was a teenager. The council decided that it was in everyone’s best interests that I lived out here instead.”

“What kind of incident?” You didn’t want to push him too much, but you were deeply fascinated as to how he had ended up here. Also, to make a decision for your forever pocket universe, you wanted to know as much as possible about the omegas that’d be joining you.

Itachi gripped his mug tightly, “I don’t want you to think badly of me.”

“I don’t think that would happen,” you said with quiet confidence. “Even if you did something bad as a teenager, I’d much rather judge you on who you are now. And the person I see in front of me is someone kind, someone who tries to help complete strangers, and forgives the stupid alpha who came blundering into his bedroom at an inopportune moment.”

Itachi breathed out, amused.

“I think you’re wonderful, Itachi.”

“Thank you,” he murmured, quietly. “Maybe I’ll tell you the full story someday. In a way, I’m very grateful to have my own space, and I still meet with my family sometimes when they can make the trip to me. I do not dislike my life.”

“Tell me about your family,” you said, brushing a stray piece of hair out of his face. Itachi leant into your hand ever so slightly.

“There were four of us in our household, my father, mother, and my younger brother, Sasuke. Here” -Itachi bent forward and dragged a rather large, leather-bound sketch book out from under the sofa- “I have some sketches of him.”

He propped the book up on your laps and opened it, revealing countless sketches of trees, fruit, plants, even some of the living room you were sitting in. You noticed immediately how few there were of people.

Itachi flipped until he reached a page filled with sketches of a grumpy looking preteen, “This is Sasuke, he’s just turned 13, although the most recent sketch is this one from his 12th birthday.”

You focused on the sketch that Itachi had pointed out. Sasuke looked like he was scowling over the top of a birthday cake. “He seems… happy?”

Itachi didn’t notice the questioning tone, only smiling to himself, “He was, it was such an amazing day. I’ve met him a few times since then between our homes, but that was the last time he was in my home.”

“I can tell that you care about him a lot,” you said, gently tracing one of the drawings with your finger. “You must miss him.”

Itachi didn’t speak and you were worried that you had offended him.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”

“No, you’re right,” Itachi said, giving you a sad smile. “He’s my baby brother. He’s everything to me, but that’s why I had to distance myself, to keep him safe from the burden of guilt by association.”

“Aren’t you lonely here though?”

“Sometimes,” he admitted, voice heavy like he was confessing to a dirty secret. “All I wanted when I was younger was to have people leave me alone, to have the pressure lifted for just one day, and I do relish it, being able to study the kind of magic that I want, to learn to cook and bring my garden to life, but… It’s not bad here, not at all, and once my brother is old enough to make the journey to see me by himself, I think things will be even better.”

You could tell that there was so much that he wasn’t saying, so much that he was implying, and so much about his own life that he hadn’t come to terms with yet, but you held your tongue. It sounded like he’d been pressured until he exploded, and then been punished and sent away for it. Whatever details you were missing wouldn’t stop you feeling outraged on his behalf.

With the snap of the sketch book shutting, you understood that he was ending the conversation though. You would have to give your passionate and ill-informed defence of his unknown past actions on another occasion.

Itachi leant over to put the sketchbook back away under the sofa, but on the way back up, he accidentally knocked what was left of his hot chocolate all over your lap. You gasped as you saw the liquid pooling on the blanket, the warmth bleeding into your skin moments later. You tried to push the blanket off your lap, but you weren’t fast enough to stop it leaking through to your clothes.

“I’m so sorry!” Itachi said, helping you drag the blanket off. “I don’t know what happened, I’m not normally so clumsy.”

“It’s okay,” you said, cringing at the feeling of the hot liquid rolling around. “Accidents happen.” You awkward shuffled off the couch with your hips raised to limit the damage. “At least it isn’t boiling hot.”

“Regardless, I’m sorry,” Itachi said again, grabbing a random cloth off the side table. “Stand still.” Itachi crouched in front of you and with the cloth, began dabbing firmly at the hot chocolate stain. Yes, the stain that was directly over your crotch.

You sucked in a breath, “Um, Itachi?”

“I’ll have to grab you a pair of pyjama trousers to borrow,” he said, almost comically unaware of what he was currently doing.

He continued to dab forcefully, rubbing at the stain in an attempt to limit the damage. This was going to be dangerous in about three seconds because an omega was pawing at your cock and your stupid body didn’t care about the difference between this and the other kind of pawing.

“Itachi!” you said, more urgently this time, aware of the direction your blood was now flowing.

“Yes?” He looked up at you, eyes wide, at an angle that really didn’t help resist the tide of dirty thoughts. You wondered how he’d look with that beautiful face covered in your--  

Too late. You now had a massive boner and Itachi’s hand was resting right on top of it.

You cleared your throat awkwardly, “Your hand, Itachi.”

You watched as Itachi slowly put the pieces together, his eyes tracking from his hand to the area his hand was resting on, up to your face, and finally back to your crotch. You saw the exact moment that it clicked in his head.

“Oh.” Itachi froze, hand still resting on your erection. The cloth dropped to the ground as Itachi’s grip weakened, revealing the outline of your cock straining against the fabric of your trousers. The soft, malleable fabric didn’t leave much to the imagination. “That’s… big.”

You snort-laughed, mainly out of surprise, “Itachi!”

That finally did the trick, knocking Itachi out of his trance. He yanked his hand back like he’d been burnt, “Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise.”

You burst out laughing while Itachi buried his red face in his hands. It was extra amusing because it was stoic Itachi who had accidentally been two pieces of fabric away from giving you a handjob. Porn logic was equal parts horny and hilarious, it seemed.

“Don’t worry about it.” You continued to giggle through the words and helped Itachi to his feet. “Can you grab me some pyjamas and point me in the direction of the bathroom, please?”

“Right, yes, of course, the bathroom is through that door, I’ll go grab you something to wear and leave it outside the door.” Itachi scurried off, cheeks pink, and you followed his directions into the nearest bathroom, pushing open the door and closing it behind you.

It was weird to see a bathroom lit only by warm candlelight, but there were certainly enough candles to do it. Every surface had at least three candles and a plant, arranged in a way that made you once again think of your Pinterest board, but also of the massive fire hazard this would surely be if Itachi couldn’t do magic.

You leant against the bathroom door and pressed a hand over your chest to calm your rapidly beating heartbeat. This porn logic thing felt good for your soul and bad for your heart. That whole series of events had been pretty funny though, and you certainly weren’t going to complain about having Itachi’s hands on you. Even though you’d only known him for a day, you were already very happy with your choice. Actually, that brought up a great question.

‘James? How long do I have in each of the pocket dimensions?’

‘Long enough, human alpha.’

You huffed; that was so unhelpful. What was also unhelpful was your massive boner. While this was an erotica, things hadn’t moved so quickly that you thought Itachi would be down for going all the way on your first night, and you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. You wanted to move a little more slowly, to make sure he was comfortable and savour the moment. You also refused to blow this like those incels James had mentioned. You were above that which meant the boner had to go.

“Please go down?” you tried asking politely, taking off your stained trousers. It stayed stubbornly upright, not even wilting slightly once exposed to the cold air. You sighed; that never worked. Well, here goes nothing.

You moved over to the sink and turned on the cold tap, a grimace already forming on your face.

‘James, wish me luck.’

‘Why do you need—’

You yelped loud enough that some birds outside the window took flight in shock. Fuck, that was cold!

…

When that was sorted, you opened the door to find a neat pile of pyjamas, shower supplies, a towel, and toothbrush waiting for you. A quick (and almost certainly magically warmed) shower later and you were ready for bed.

Exiting the bathroom, you realised that the sofa wasn’t made up as a bed anymore, the way it had been when you’d first woken up. Itachi was nowhere to be seen, so you went to his bedroom door to find him. Having learnt your lesson from before, you knocked and waited to be called in.

“Hey,” you said softly, entering his bedroom. You watched as he extinguished some of his candles with a candle snuffer, bathing the room in a much gentler light. The large candle shaped like a black cat that he had on his chest of drawers made you smile. You hadn’t seen it the first time, probably because you’d been distracted by two very cute, pink, round things, that you were not supposed to be thinking about brain, now was not the time!

“Hello.” He turned around and you pretended not to see the way his eyes flickered straight to your crotch before settling on your face.

“I was just going to ask if we could set the sofa back up into a bed,” you said, trying not to preen under the attention your cock had garnered from the pretty omega. Maybe he’d be thinking about that while you were thinking about his pretty nipples.

Itachi averted his eyes for a moment as he put down the candle snuffer, “It’s very cold tonight.”

“It is.”

“I’m worried that I don’t have enough blankets to keep the both of us warm, and you might still be unwell from fainting in the snowstorm, so I was thinking, do you… I mean, would you want to share my bed? With me?” Itachi spoke quickly, like he was pushing the words out as fast as possible while he still avoided making eye contact.

A grin slowly bloomed on your face; he was so cute.

“If you don’t mind, that’d be great,” you said, trying to keep your grin from coming across as creepy.

“Really?” His head spun around to face you again, his hair, which you only just realised had been freed from his ponytail, fanned out around his face. “I mean, that’s great.”

You stepped closer to him, “Great.”

He stepped closer to you, “Yeah.”

Somehow that electricity from earlier was back in the air and you felt like you were being pulled into Itachi’s orbit. Without your conscious permission, one of your hands rose and gently cupped the left side of Itachi’s face, rubbing the soft skin there with your thumb.  

You searched his face for any sign of discomfort but found none. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.  

“You’re beautiful,” you whispered, reverently. Itachi’s eyes looked glossy for a moment, but he blinked the moisture away, his long, dark eyelashes fluttering open and closed as you studied him. “I know I’ve only been here for a day, but… Is it strange to say I really like you.’

Itachi took in a sharp breath, but slowly shook his head.

 “Then, may I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Itachi breathed out, immediately closing his eyes.

Good, because he was irresistible, and although you knew it wasn’t time for sex just yet, you hadn’t chosen erotica because you wanted a slow burn.

Slowly, giving Itachi ample time to change his mind, you inched your face closer to his until you could feel the warmth radiating from his skin. You expected to feel his breath too, but you quickly realised that he must have been holding it. How cute. Well, there was no need to leave him literally or figuratively holding his breath any longer.

You pressed forward and made the connection, warm lips against warm lips, your own eyes falling closed now too. Itachi let out a very quiet noise of surprise that you only heard because you were so close to him. You let out a little hum of your own, less out of shock and more out of satisfaction. You may have only known him for about five hours, but you’d been wanting to kiss him for at least four and a half of them.

The outside world faded away as you gently guided his lips with your own. The sound of the wind howling and the cottage walls groaning, the fire in the living room crackling, all of it was secondary to the kiss.

With your free arm, you looped Itachi around the waist and tugged him closer until your chests were pressed against each other. Itachi steadied himself with one hand on your raised elbow and the other on your shoulder. Being this close was making your alpha instincts incredibly smug. He felt safe with you so soon, willing to be vulnerable in your presence, to let you love him.

With just a little bit more pressure, Itachi’s lips parted for you. The tips of your tongues met ever so slightly, just flicking against each other as the back of your throat now burnt with Itachi’s scent. The open-mouthed kissing managed to coax another, louder, noise from his lips.

“So good,” you murmured against him, relishing in the gasp that generated. You had been right; Itachi loved being praised. He was still hesitant though, only moving his lips in ways you had already moved them. He was allowing you to guide him. You wondered if he was lacking experience.

You caught Itachi’s bottom lip between your teeth and were rewarded when he bucked his hips forward, brushing them against yours. You shouldn’t have bothered getting rid of the erection earlier, because it was now back at full force. And by the feel of it, Itachi was joining you this time.

A strange flash of light bled through your closed eyelids and forced you away from Itachi with a confused noise. What on Earth?

Itachi whined, looking incredibly dazed with heavy lidded eyes and no control over his scent. He fisted one hand in your shirt like he was trying to pull you back. For a second, you thought you saw his eyes flash red, but it was gone in the next moment, and you wrote it off as a trick of the light.

What was that light, anyway?

Oh, damn. You glanced over Itachi’s shoulder and were greeted with the three remaining lit candles burning out of control. Their flames reached up at least two feet above the wick, and they were burning… pink?

“Um, Itachi? Your candles are kind of going crazy.”

He whirled around, still looking a bit dazed. With a wave of his hand, the candles returned to their normal height and colour. Itachi cleared his throat bashfully, “I didn’t mean to do that, my apologies.”

It was kind of hot that he got so into the kiss that he’d lost control of his magic.

“It’s okay,” you brushed his fringe from his face, making sure to be ever so gentle with him. Itachi was not a weak person, that’s something you were sure of, but he was weak for gentle affection and praise. The vaguely stoic man you had met hours earlier was nowhere to be found now, as Itachi gazed at you, eyes wide and open, vulnerable. “Bedtime, hm?”

“Okay,” he said, softly. Despite his agreement, he made no move to the bed, only latching one of his hands onto your shirt again. Softly you pushed on his back a little and guided him towards the bed. Only once you fully tucked him in did he let go of you and allow you to climb into the other side.

Disappointingly, Itachi made no move to cuddle, staying firmly on his own side, but you understood that he probably needed some space to process what was happening. In fact, he had kind of looked a little like some of your old partners had done when you’d put them in subspace. But that couldn’t be right, there was no way you had put him in subspace just from kissing him, right? No, that was ludicrous, he was probably just a little overwhelmed; you would leave him to his own space for now.

It had been one hell of a kiss though, you thought, touching your lips as you got yourself comfortable in the bed. Itachi was doing things to your brain and your body. You didn’t know if it was him, some kind of magic, or the effect of living inside an erotica novel, but every touch felt like so much more. You were chomping at the bit to eventually get to explore more of Itachi’s body and the way you could make each other feel.

You yawned, thinking over the first day you’d had. It had been really fun. You still had to consider the specifics of what kind of backstory you wanted to give yourself, but you had plenty of time to figure that out later. You didn’t know how you were going to explain wandering the woods in the middle of a snowstorm what sounded like miles from the nearest village. You were also going to have to get your hands on a map at some point so you could name an actual place that you were supposedly from. That was a problem for future you though.

The quaint, cottage core existence had been treating you well, supplemented by magic of course. It was making you feel warm and fuzzy, like part of you was being healed by living like this. It was simple and relaxing, and all around nice. Tomorrow, when the search for the ingredients began, you were looking forward to seeing more of the world.

Just as you had finally found a comfortable position on your back, and your thoughts had begun to drift, Itachi turned over so that he was facing you. You couldn’t tell if he was fully asleep, or just tired and acting on impulse, but he quickly plastered himself to your side, tucking his head into your neck, wrapping an arm around your torso, and hitching a leg over your hips, inadvertently grinding his hard cock straight into your thigh. Once he was comfortable, he let out a big sigh and relaxed completely. It didn’t surprise you that someone so lonely and gentle wanted to cuddle in his sleep.

You weren’t going to move him, and you were too tired to think about the hard warmth that was currently poking you, so you simply allowed the sound of his quiet purrs to lull you to sleep. You would make sure he was satisfied once you’d both had a good sleep.

‘Goodnight, James,’ you mentally slurred out, tucking your face into Itachi’s hair. You vaguely heard her reply before you drifted away, comfortable and completely exhausted.

Next Chapter

[effy-writes]

Hii!! Can I request a one shot of Stolas with a fem s/o who rlly can't see WHY he wants her. Reader just believes that she's weird and ugly, practically worthless. And Stolas finds her crying one day and comforts her?? TY!! <33

ofc! thank you for requesting! hope you enjoy <3

🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉

Stolas x Fem! Reader: Darling You’re All I Need

You always had horrible self esteem issues. Constant bullying of your looks, your personality, even the existence of your life. Kids can be pretty mean, especially since they don’t know that bullying can affect a person this much. Eventually you believed them.

Now as an adult, those self esteem issues didn’t go away, in fact they gotten much, much worse. You completely shut out from the outside world, you didn’t want to be seen or heard. Or maybe that’s what you really needed.

You were surprised whenever you became friends with the prince of Hell, Stolas. You were shopping at a clothing store and bumped into him. You profusely apologized and felt super bad that you bumped into a prince. Stolas reassured you that everything was okay and that you didn’t have to apologize. He saw how upset you were and offered to buy you something from here. You denied the offer because you believed you should be the one buying him something. Stolas said, “That’s no need. How about we go get coffee or tea tomorrow?”

At first you denied and wanted to run out of the store, but Stolas said something that made you rethink your decision, “I find you interesting, that’s all. Of course, you’re allowed to say no, but I do want to get to know you.”

So the next day you learned all about him. He was at that store looking for clothes to buy for his daughter. He also used to have a toxic situationship with this one imp that ended about a year ago. You listened closely as he talked about his childhood, adulthood, his daughter, his duties as a prince, but he wanted to know more about you.

You were taken back. Nobody asked you that before, you were completely shunned down by your peers.

“I’m not that interesting.”

“I think everyone is interesting in their own way. Tell me about your life or the things you like.”

You definitely did not want to tell him about your life. “I like stars and moons. That’s why I was shopping there yesterday. Um..” You couldn’t think of anything else.

Because of this interaction alone, Stolas was intrigued by your nature. Eventually you guys would go get coffee, brunch, lunch, even dinner almost everyday, and during those interactions he would find out more about you little by little.

He first found out about your childhood and how you would get bullied by kids everyday. His heart ached for you while hearing them. Some days after that you told him about middle school-high school and things got much worse for you, but you always told him, “It didn’t affect me,” but he knows very well that it did affect you, but he didn’t want to bring it up first.

Lastly, he invited you to his house, and when he did he finally got the truth, “Me? Why me? You don’t have to invite me because you feel bad about me. Christ on a stick I should’ve lied about my childhood.”

“Darling, I’m not doing this out of pity. I’m doing this because I love your presence. Come to my house tomorrow at 7, i’ll have a fancy dinner for you.”

“What about your daughter?”

“She’ll be at her mother’s.”

“Okay…is this a date?”

“Would it be a problem if I said yes?”

Now you were definitely taken back by this, “I don’t know, Stolas. I’m flattered! Really! But…”

“Don’t fret darling. If you don’t want it as a date then it doesn’t have to be, but I would like to have this date with you.”

This was something different for you. Your whole life you felt worthless to a point where you don’t deserve anything good, especially when it comes to a prince asking you this.

Days later after that date you two made it official. It was still all new to you and you felt like you were being pranked, but Stolas has been nothing but kindness towards you.

You later on met his daughter who seemed to like you. You two would talk about superficial things, but eventually she opened up to you, as well as you opened up to her.

Your life with Stolas has been great, and you believe it’s 100% to good to be true. The relationship has been phenomenal, but your self esteem was still in a shit hole.

Stolas knows this, he knew it the moment you accidentally bumped into him, but he didn’t want to point it out, he wanted you to express your feelings about your self esteem.

The trauma of verbal abuse caught up to you recently, making your self esteem even worse. You tried to keep it together, but day by day you were on the verge of a breakdown.

You and Stolas was laying in his bed watching some romance movie. His arm was around you while the other one was trailing circles on your arm. You looked at him with sorrow, you dont deserve a guy like him. You’re bringing him down, you’re too much for him, you’re too ugly compared to him, your personality is too much for him to handle.

You couldn’t do this anymore, “I’m going to go to the bathroom real quick.” You got out from his holding.

“Do you want me to pause the movie?”

“No, you don’t have to. I shouldn’t be too long.”

“Okay, darling.”

The moment you locked yourself in the dark bathroom you cried. You hardly ever cry because you believe it makes you look weak. Everything you do makes you look weak.

Thought after another thought caused another sob. Your head began to hurt from the painful sobs. You tried to quiet them so you won’t disturb Stolas and make him worry, but with each passing, horrible thought you couldn’t silence yourself.

A worried knock came from the door, “Darling? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“I’ll be out in a minute!” You choked on your tears.

“Y/n…” Stolas’ volume softened, “Can you open the door?”

You let out a shaky breath and unlocked the bathroom door. Stolas peaked in and was about to turn on the lights,

“Don’t! Just leave them off.”

Stolas left the bathroom door open to bring some light in, he sat down across from you. “Why were you crying?” His tone was still soft.

“I don’t feel too good about myself.” You rubbed your eyes.

“About what?” Stolas scooted closer towards you where your legs was touching.

“I don’t deserve you. Why would you want a girl like me? I’m messy, Im nowhere near royal, I’m off putting and I definitely don’t have the looks.” You sniffed.

Stolas couldn’t believe this, “Why would you say that? I’m very fond of you and-”

“Save it, you’re with me because you feel bad. That’s gotta be the reason why you’re with me, because why else? You’re a prince you could’ve found ANYBODY other than me. Anybody who doesn’t have horrible self esteem issues and-”

Stolas dragged you into his lap and held you, “Darling, you’re all I need.”

You blinked through the tears, “I don’t..I don’t know.”

“You deserve love,” Stolas slowly rocked you, “I want to help you feel loved. You make me the happiest guy in Hell and it pains me to see you like this.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I love you. I love your existence, your presence, your face. You’re all I need.”

[wroteclassicaly]

A/N: I’ve missed this man. I hope you like? Next part will have some saucy little smut. Just trying this out first, also for self-indulgence.

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff, language, mentions of injuries, self-esteem issues, mentions depression and body image.

Pairings: Eddie Munson x Plus size!Reader

Eddie Munson loves his new band of misfit friends, an extended family that has welcomed him and Wayne in with open arms. Hell, he’s even getting along with Harrington, Wheeler is tutoring him, and everyone else just understands. And then, well… Then there is you. He’s never seen someone so in tune with the needs of others without ever considering herself. Someone who purposely pushes herself on the world’s hottest back burner to avoid opening up and letting anyone truly see what’s going on… Behind incredibly beautiful eyes, if Eddie does say so himself.

It’s been over a year since shit unfolded with Vecna. They lost, he died for a little while, the apocalypse reigned down on the town and then he wasn’t dead anymore. Memories are vague, but most things he does remember. And when he wakes up tangled in his bedsheets, scars aching with prickles of phantom pains - you are the only person that he calls. A lot of times he ends up singing you to sleep, but it’s not without you always making sure he’s calmed and okay first.

It was a bond that grew since you began caring for him when he came back with memories. He’s lost track of days spent together, lunches shared, a graduation a long time coming, complete with a party he never expected to have. He isn’t sure when it became a deeper feeling than he’s ever known, one that scared him so damn bad he avoided you for days and began physically ill because of it. If Eddie Munson has to pick one moment, it was probably that day you walked into his Uncle’s living room, (a cookout happening in his yard with Steve and Wayne at the grill outside) your beautiful curves on display, a cherry sundress hitting you in all the right places, and some strappy red sandals adorning your feet. You wore a glowing smile beneath your bright red lipstick, energy matching with Henderson’s as you entertained his enthusiasm for Hellfire’s next campaign.

You didn’t have a clue of what you were talking about, but it didn’t deter you in the slightest. You were passionate about writing, you enjoyed Sci-Fi and fantasy, which meant you had to be the one who helped Dustin create new characters. He knew the game, you had some extra creativity to lend. You’d high fived Dustin, stealing his pen to jot down your scribbled suggestions on his spiral sheet. Eddie was a goner.

And now… Here you are, at his house, on a Friday night. You didn’t have plans, you didn’t make a date - nothing. You did what you normally do and called him up, accepting his invite to hang out all evening. He’d made sure to be off work by a steady time, picking up your favorite bakery cookies at the store on the way home, lingering over flowers that he was sure he should get, but knew it would probably cross a line if he did so. Eddie doesn’t want you to feel spooked, or even anything remotely close to uncomfortable around him.

You’re sitting above him, cross-legged on his bed as he rests with bent knees at the foot, your overalls bagging out at the sides to show your crop top with little lemons and daisies printed all over it, and the most delicious, overflowing curves Edward Munson has ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. He’s got a pair of your maroon sweats tied down, extremely loose on his narrow hips, and one of your decorative character shirts with a picture of Eeyore plastered front and center, hanging across his torso. You might not be able to wear his clothes, but he can wear yours, and Eddie would be stupid to say he doesn’t notice your eyes crossing a little whenever he steps into some of your ensembles. You’ve been chattering away at the TV, giving your input on Friday the 13th part 2, whilst being blissfully unaware of sending Eddie to heaven with your pink brush running through his freshly washed curls, your neon yellow painted nails scratching at his scalp. He’s like a mother fucking purring cat in your grasp.

“So, anyways… I can’t figure out if Muffin survived or if that was her in the woods. And did Paul really make it out too, or was Jenny imagining shit?”

Eddie smirks, tilting his head back to look at the curvature of your physique, the contours of your face - upside down (no pun intended). “Haven’t you seen this movie, like, a thousand times before?”

You have a mock look of offense. “Hmph.” He doesn’t like what it brings, because you can tease, but please - for the love of all things unholy - don’t stop brushing his hair.

“Hey, hey. Why’d you quit?” He’s pouting, it’s rather cute. One tattooed arm, decorated with scars - elongates, ring clad hand seeking out your wrist. Anything to get you into motion again.

“You know that you can brush your own hair, Eddie.” You’re melting at those fluttering lashes draped over an enriching, smooth chocolate pair of irises. And his mouth… Fuck.

“But it’s so much better when you do it, sweetheart. Pleaseeeee? Forgive me for questioning your brilliant questions!?”

You make a good show of it, tossing the brush out of your hand, it landing a pile of Eddie’s clothes in an unpacked hamper. They’re clean, but he’d rather wear yours. He gasps, shifting positions so quick that you think Steve must’ve Ninja-fied him. He’s got you by your wrists, the cool of his rings tracking across your arms as they follow warm palms, and dip under your pits to gain leverage - easing you forward into a heap onto the carpeting with him. “Freak attack!” He’s gleeful, tickling your denim clad sides (well, at least where he pretends he can’t see the overspilling flesh more closely now).

He smells good, like that familiar Old Spice wash and whatever shampoo he’s lathered his curls with. He’s hovering, he’s incredibly warm, he’s safe, he’s Eddie. Someone you didn’t know you needed until he appeared and retrieved his piece of your heart, snapping it into the place where all the people you love have their own shards. Hmm, not entirely though. If you could describe it, it’s as if they make up the outside lining, keeping the inside of your heart reserved for a more… Different, private type of love, that only Eddie Munson seems to have found.

“Should spank your ass with that thing for stoppin’,” he starts, interrupting your reverie, moving to shut his mouth when he realizes he crossed a line. Maybe? It’s there, your eyes flicker over his lips, your hidden reaction dancing behind your pretty little temple - he sees, giving him a fraction of hope. He isn’t used to this…

You jolt, blurting out the first thing that comes to mind, “Like that would be a punishment,” you finish, effectively crossing that line for him.

Both of you remain silent, your sweet perfume making him lose focus. What he thinks he should do and what he wants to do, those are two very different battles raging inside.

// Eat me paragraph //

[knmaskitten]

Love me back ⊹ ♡

Pairing: Kageyama Tobio/ afab!reader.

Summary: inspired by love me back by fromis_9. You moved to your new house thanks to college, and one day, as you were preparing to deliver a gift to your neighbour, you encountered said person, Kageyama Tobio. After that, you keep longing to bump into him and slowly get him to correspond to your feelings. But when that does not happen, you plan a scheme with your best friend as the ultimate test to see if Tobio likes you or not.

warnings/tags: afab!fem reader. No use of y/n. Neighbours to lovers. Kageyama really is bad at expressing love. Reader is head over heels. A little bit of physical descriptions but nothing specific like hair color, length, etc. You use Oikawa Tooru to make Kageyama jealous. Oikawa is your best friend.

notes: I wanted to write this since so long ago, Kageyama is one of my favorite boys. As always, this was not proof read so I apologize for any bad grammar. Not necessary but english is my second language so have that in mind while reading. As always my AO3 is here (I post there first).

wc: 2,500

It was so utterly frustrating having to look at him all day long, knowing how your heart wanted to escape your ribcage every time you exchanged glances with his dark ocean eyes. You longed to see him every day, whether the sun was at its highest or lowest. You wanted to see him. For him to notice you and to exchange more than just “Hi” or “How are you?”. You’re sure you would have a stroke if he ever said something related to your outfits, which you carefully picked whenever you were going to “accidentally” bump into him.

Being neighbours with Kageyama was going to be the death of you. Your anxiety went through the roof when you thought about him, which was no bueno. Your cortisol levels were so high that your therapist advised you to finally blurt out a confession to him so you could be let out of this misery. But no, you were not that kind of girl anymore. All your life, you were the one who always had to confess to everybody, and you hated not being the one being confessed to. This had a huge impact on your self-esteem and made you doubt if you were loveable enough to be even considered a lover.

You were a nice lover, you thought. It isn’t like you haven’t dated anyone before this crush. Your first boyfriend, Marco, was a nice guy™ and you two had a very nice relationship. The thing is, your first relationship was just nice—not passionate, not vehement, not ardent, not fervent—nothing. Just nice. And it was rare to feel what you felt towards Kageyama; you were sure it wasn’t just infatuation; you could already feel what it really was and what it really meant. 

You were Kageyama’s right-side neighbour. You moved by yourself, next to where he lived, a few years ago because of college. You met him on your second day in your new home. He was returning from practise; he looked sweaty and tired. He had a jacket that said “Japan” on it, a volleyball ball on his right hand, and his sports bag on his shoulder. His hair was dark and messy, giving him a certain kind of freshness. You were casually walking towards his house, a friendly gift on your hands, hoping to form good bonds with your neighbours.

He observed you carefully and analyzed you, as if he were searching for something else behind your clear intentions. He did not smile at you, but he did stop walking to face you fully, silently questioning you. So you nervously replied:

“I’m…I’m your new neighbour!” You tried not to yell, but your words came out a lot louder than you intended to. This made you feel wobbly, with the tray in your hands threatening to fall to the ground. “I made some strawberry shortcake for you.” You pointed with your head towards the tray; it was a cute, soft pink platter with a ribbon design. It was trembling slightly thanks to your jitters.

“Thank you.” He bowed towards you, his hair moving with its movements. You paid attention to how his muscles flexed and then relaxed, creating wrinkles in his jacket and sports shorts. “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything for you.”

“That’s not necessary; this was just a small gesture. You dont have to give me anything, really.” You blurted your verbiage out without thinking. What was going on? You usually weren’t this awkward with people. You had confidence, which you slowly but surely cultivated through the years, and it was really hard for your ego to accept that a mere boy could have this impact on you.

He was a handsome boy with knowing eyes; his eyes were hungry to analyze the world around him, and the profound, dark blue ocean that his eyes were had you wanting to explore every nook and cranny in them. He was taller than you—almost 20 centimeters taller, giving him a certain kind of power over you. He had a toned and muscular figure, which coincided with the fact that he was a volleyball player, which you admired. You guessed he played in the Japanese volleyball league, making him a professional at what he did. And that was so interesting.

It just occurred to you that he perfectly could have rejected your dessert, given the fact that he needs to eat well and your shortcake was considered junk food. This fact struck your heart like lightning, making you feel butterflies in your stomach. He looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to pass him the tray. It seems you were in awe for too long because he gave you a frown.

“Right, sorry, here you go.” 

"Later.” He said while walking towards his house, leaving you perplexed.

That was the first time you two had any interaction. You took every opportunity you had to talk to him: sometimes you needed sugar, other times you needed a kitchen supply he had, and one time you needed help grabbing something from the top of your kitchen cabinets that you couldn’t reach. Other times you nonchalantly waited outside your home, seemingly sweeping your entrance, while you knew he would return from practise around this hour.

One particular time, he looked strangely dazed and out of tune, which you knew (by observing him so much) was weird. You had your broom on your hand, and the leaves in the cement were in a little pile right to your feet. You kept looking at him without a care in the world, scrutinizing him. This did not go unnoticed by him.

“Do I have something in my face?” He straightforwardly said, making eye contact with you. His back was ever so slightly arched and his hair was sticking to his forehead. His blue eyes were lit up with annoyance.

“Kageyama-kun, are you alright? You look out of it.” Worry seeped out of your words, a tender breeze brushing your hair.

“N—no! I mean, yes! I’m fine” He replied a little bit flustered, like he didn’t expect you to read him so well.

You left your broom on the side of your fence and you started walking towards him until you faced him. Face to face, he had to arch his back a little bit more to look at your eyes, which were full of a weird determination.

“Kageyama-kun I know I’m not your friend, but I can help you if you desire; I’m right next to you, and I swear I will do my best.” You stated that you were dead set on helping him out; even if he rejected your offer, you wanted to let him know you were worried about him. The sun shone on the right side of his face, highlighting his skin in a dance of light and shadows. This made time slow down around you, leaving just the two of you in this odd bubble you created.

“I…” He pouted, averting his gaze from yours as he frowned. “I just had a bad practise, that’s all.” He reluctantly said it in a mumble.

With all the will and courage you could possibly muster up, you walked even closer to him and gave him a big, tight hug, mumbling in a low and serene tone, “You’re still an amazing player.”

He trembled and then squished out of your hug, flustered. “I know!” he yelled, pointing to you with his index finger. ”I won’t lose!”

Kageyama was never socially good, and he was even less good with friends. So he did what he knew best: yell and challenge. You stood still, thinking you fucked up, your feelings bubbling in the pit of your stomach as anxiety started to gain a strong presence in you.

“S—sorry.” You muttered before walking rapidly towards your home, obviously not before taking your broom with you. You stopped on your heels, turned towards him and gave him a bow “Excuse me!” You yelled, leaving him there.

And after that, you both exchanged conversations that tacitly had something behind them. You sometimes thought Kageyama hated you and other times that he merely had to stand your presence, but once you thought he saw you as something else. You wanted him to look at you the way you looked at him, to long for your presence like you did his, to analyze your figure and eyes like you did his. To invite you on a damn date! If he didn’t hurry, you were going to finally accept the advances of a guy at your college.

In the battle of egos, you were not going to lose; you had a strong resolve, and that was: Kageyama had to confess to you. And it is not like you didn’t do anything to achieve this; you kept giving him gifts and kept advising him when he looked troubled. You secretly loved when he gave you attention, even if it was just crumbs. You had the opportunity to know a little bit more about him in every exchange you guys had, craving every chance you had of getting his attention. The feeling of his eyes on you, looking at only you with a certain kind of intent.

This went on for about six months—six long months of crumbs. And you were so not having it that you managed to get Kageyama’s phone number and his socials (you always waited for him to text or call you, but he never did, so you reluctantly had to be the one to initiate the conversation), but even then, you were not certain as to what he felt for you. Did he love you as well? Did he hate you? You were so nervous, uncertainty filling your body to the brim.

So, you decided to do a scheme with your best friend, Oikawa Tooru. This was evil in many ways, as you knew the rivalry Tobio had with your best friend. You met Tooru on a trip to your aunt’s house in Miyagi, and after a weirdly funny encounter, you two hit it off as best friends. You rarely met, but this was no excuse for how close you two grew together. It really was a coincidence that the “stupid setter from Karasuno” that Oikawa often talked about turned out to be Kageyama, which was stupidly funny.

You definitely were not the type to do these type of schemes, but you were desperate. You needed at least a glance that said I love you—a lovingly full of attention glance. And this fact also ashamed you; a guy had you craving attention; he had you in the palm of his hand, and he was so oblivious to it. This simply made you furious; you were not one to give into a guy this easily, and it made you angry that he didn’t show any signs.

So, you decided to carry out your plan. You called Oikawa and discussed with him:

“Tooru-chan, accept, please.” You pleaded.

“Using me! Huh! And to make Tobio-chan jealous! Him, of all people!” He said, frustrated and a little bit offended. “Why him, dear? Why him?”

“Please, Tooru, he means a lot to me.”

“But he is an idiot if you have to go to these lengths to get his attention.” He scolded you.

“But, Tooru, I love him!” You cried over the phone.

There was a brief silence on the other line; you could only hear the faint sound of static.

“You are lucky I’m in Japan right now.” He said, resigning to your plan.

“I love you, Tooru! You’re amazing!” 

Happily, you hung up the phone. The plan was as follows: he was going to pick you up for a “date” at the time Tobio arrived home from practise, and then you two were actually going to go out because Oikawa asked to at least have some real time with his best friend. So you texted him with the date and time he had to be at your front door. You insisted on him looking extra handsome that day and reacted with, “I’m always extra handsome! >:c” .

When the day came, you decided to pamper yourself. You wore makeup today; you wore a light pink eyeshadow that highlighted your eyes, applying a little bit of glitter at the center of your lid. You carefully placed your blush to make you look naturally flushed. You did your winged liner and used mascara. You successfully enhanced your natural beauty. You left your hair down, as it was what you were most comfortable with. You wanted to look cute, so you picked a white, flowy dress that made you shine. You paired it with black Mary Jane shoes and white socks, as well as a pearly necklace with a purple gem. 

At six thirty, your door bell rang and a text bubble appeared on the screen of your phone: “Open the door, dummy.” . And so you hurried up. You put your phone in your black purse and grabbed a black jacket to pair your dress with. You ran downstairs towards the door and opened it very happily.

“Tooru!” you exclaimed, excited. As you hugged your friend tightly, you peeked over his shoulder and saw Kageyama’s figure approaching. You whispered, "Ok, Tooru, let’s do it. Kageyama’s coming”

You knew you were going to get a reaction from him, but not this one. He stopped, looking between you and Oikawa; he got the clue instantly as he saw you both well dressed. You could swear you saw fire coming out of him.

“Oikawa.” He said it in a low tone, angrily.

“Tobio-chan!” He cheerfully replied.

“What are you doing with her? How do you know her?” He blurted out, arching his brow, walking closer to you.

“Going on a date. Not that its any of your business.” Oikawa gave him an annoyed smile.

“No, you’re not.” You swear you and Oikawa are still in your places, surprised by this. Your heart started to race. 

“You’re not fair!” You yelled at him, feeling overwhelmed. “You ignore me, then forbid me from going on a date?”

“I…its just…I." He started.

“You what?”

He then walked towards you fully, and taking you by the shoulders, he kissed you passionately. His hands were not moving, and you were so stunned that it took you a second to correspond with him. Oikawa stood still, a little awkward. He decided to slowly walk towards your door and leave you two to it. He was still going to have his time with you nonetheless.

“Oikawa is not the right guy for you. I am. I think I love you. I want you.”

You didn’t say anything, as those words were the one thing you wanted to hear the most, for the longest of times. And you had it now, and it felt amazingly odd; it was a new feeling that meant your love was reciprocated. 

“Oikawa is my best friend. I love you, idiot.”

And then you hugged him, and this time he hugged you back.

Thank you for reading <3

masterlist and more.

[forceffielddog]

i might be looking a lil too deep into this but ive been focusing a lot on woody’s psychology. mostly toy story 1 woody. now HEAR ME OUT. woody might not be as complex as some characters from other medias, but he is quite complex to me as someone who enjoys psychology, especially psychology of fictional characters

I am about to present you with a VERY long post. but i promise it’s worth it. and i also have a tldr at the end. pls excuse my punctuation errors if there are any 💔 i tried my best to proofread but it might not be perfect.

maybe i’m late to the party, woody’s attachment to andy and his hatred towards buzz is 100% a result of self esteem issues/percieved inferiority. this is mostly present in looking at his relationship with buzz in the first movie, and especially in the scenes where they’re accepting their fate in sid’s house before escaping. woody KNOWS buzz is better than him, so he tries to put buzz down so he can appease his own fear of abandonment and replacement. this fear had clearly never shown itself until toy story 1 based on how the other toys react. and it makes sense, he’s andy’s favorite toy, and has never had to worry about another toy taking his place UNTIL buzz comes along. now woody has to face the fact that andy could have another or a new favorite toy. and to him sharing that position is just as bad as being thrown away. it’s jealousy and envy, yes. but also fear that one day andy might only consider buzz to be his favorite and abandon woody entirely. woody clearly doesn’t perceive himself as better because he never pushes himself up or tries to one up buzz. he ONLY tries to drag him down.

and as far as i know, only thing woody values about himself in that movie is being andy’s favorite toy. without andy, he almost seems to perceive himself as nothing. i mean look at how he reacts when he loses andy at the gas station. this clearly isn’t the case with the other toys as they’re way more willing to move on from andy in toy story 3. but woody continues to attach to andy, and it almost seems like he feels like if he’s not the favorite then he’ll have no purpose. which isn’t true. the other toys aren’t andy’s favorites but he still plays with them all the time. and even without andy, the toys have each other. but in the first movie woody doesn’t seem to really consider them as friends.

anyway, the title of “andy’s favorite” was held to such a high pedestal in his head and he focused on it so much that when it was challenged/had to be shared, his world feels like it’s crashing down. (the song strange things is from his pov and is definitely reminiscent of an unreliable narrator. listening to the lyrics makes it seem like his life is over and that he’s lost everything)

He uses vanity and the “i’m better than you” “andy is mine not urs” attitude to hide and deal with that self hatred/low self esteem. he blames buzz for getting them lost even though HE pushed buzz out the window. he doesn’t wanna view himself lower than he already does so he places that blame onto buzz to convince himself he isn’t as bad as he thinks (and also by lying to himself “how am i gonna convince those guys it was an accident.”) which it kinda was i guess?? woody didn’t mean to push buzz out the window, just knock him behind the desk so he could go to pizza planet with andy. but he still was trying to get rid of buzz temporarily and sabotage him. since what he did was a partial accident, he can more easily convince himself and try to convince the others that he didn’t do anything wrong. he is vain as all hell, but it’s all superficial.

and just a note for toy story 2, stinky pete uses the fact he still has an owner to manipulate woody into staying with the roundup gang and (maybe without realizing) enforces his fear of abandonment that he partially got over in the first movie, so he decides to leave andy before he can leave him and lessen the pain of leaving. even if it means also leaving behind all of his friends and never being truly loved by a kid again. i know the second movie is moreso focused on the mortality of toys and how they don’t last forever but it’s kinda part of the idea for me idk.

i really like the theory that woody was either never loved by a child like stinky pete was, or was abandoned by a child before he could truly connect with them. this theory would explain his attachment to andy, him never mentioning a previous owner despite being ~40 years old (in 1995), his knowledgeability of things around him, not remembering the roundup gang, and him CLINGING to the title of “andy’s favorite”

tldr:

woody has low self esteem/a perceived sense of inferiority and uses his title and superficial vanity and asshole-ry to appease his fear of abandonment and replacement.

if anyone wants to hear more about this/talk about this i’d be SOO happy to. anyway marie out

[cressidagrey]

It's a Love Story - Chapter 2

Summary:

Azriel's shadows find their master a wife.

Azriel would just really like his heart not to get broken again.

And Sky...well, she's just really surprised that that far too handsome male is interested in her at all.

Warning:

Rhys Bashing (as usual), I classified this as Azriel x OC, even when it't technically Azriel x Sellyn Drake (but we kinda know nothing about Sellyn Drake other than that she writes books so Sky is kinda an OC), Cassian is kinda a good guy for once, Azriel has a horrible time, as usual... Stuttering, toxic families (For once I do not mean the IC), Self-Esteem Issues, Secret Identity, Body Image Issues, Fat Shaming, People being utterly horrible.

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.

Contary to popular belief, (which was pretty much that the shadows had no mind of their own, which they had, thank you very much) the shadows did do other thing than to only listen to Master’s orders. 

Of course they listened to Master’s orders. 

But they also did…things that Master didn’t know about…and would never need to find out about…

One example in fact was the amount of gold the shadows had squirreled away throughout the centuries. Not for them, but for Master. So that Mater would never need to worry about that again. So that Master would never need to sleep in a dungeon again, like he had as a child. So Master could always have new weapons and could keep himself safe, so that he would have everything he needed.

Gold wasn’t the only thing they had squirrelled away…they had other things stashed away too! Anyhting that made the appearance of being useful one day! Shiny little things, because the shadows liked that…Sadly Master never made the appearance that he would appreciate the diamond necklaces they had hidden away in a little cave, but maybe one day…

Maybe one day Master would take a wife and she would like them.

The shadows had it all figured out. Whoever she turned out to be, they would make sure that she liked them too. They would make themselves useful so that she would like them.

Even when it had never seemed to work before… The shadows had made themselves scarce around The Morrigan and The Seer because they knew that Master liked them. And if Master liked them…well, then the shadows would make sure that Master got what he wanted.

Master wanted so few things after all…

They even found The Morrigan her favourite red lipstick that hadn’t been made in centuries. Not because they liked The Morrigan, but because Master did.

And in return, she treated Master like that.

And The Seer…oh, somehow that was even worse.

Though The Seer wasn’t the only one the Shadows didn’t like because of that. The High Lord was the other one. And him… oh, the shadows would get their revenge. 

Master was theirs. Nobody talked to Master like that.

(They just needed to wait for the perfect moment…and the High Lord would regret ever treating their Master like that…)

Master had nearly gotten himself killed just because he had wanted to make The Seer happy…and nobody even seemed to care about that. Not really. 

And then Master was working himself to the bone, clearly wanting to forget what happened between him and The Seer…and the Shadows just wanted to fix things, but there was nothing to fix anymore. 

At least now…At least now, finally, Master was listening to somebody with his best interests at first.

The Shadows would find Master a wife. The best wife they possibly could. And a home too.

And so, with their new mission in mind, the shadows set off to find the perfect home and the perfect female for their master.

The home was the easier part.

Mostly because they already owned it for a few decades. 

It was a picturesque Lake House at one of the mountain seas in Velaris, not far off from the House of Wind. It was beautiful and just a few minutes by foot away from the city center but still private and quiet…and the view was spectacular. 

The home itself was warm and cozy, with large windows that let in plenty of sunlight. Master would love it.

It just needed a little…attention. Some furniture…They would need to put the stuff they had filled it with somewhere else but that shouldn’t be a problem, right? 

Master would love it. Now they just needed the right female to share it with for Master…

The shadows were going to find Master a wife… They just needed…They just needed to figure out some criteria at first.

Master had said he didn’t care about how she looked…so that didn’t help them to narrow down the pool of possible candidates.

Nobody with a known mate. Nobody in a romantic relationship… regardless of how loose that was. The Shadows were not going to get Master’s heart broken again, thank you very much… Then all the females that preferred females themselves.

That did narrow it down… at least a little bit.

Then the more…obscure character traits. 

Nobody that was a workaholic like Master. That was never going to work.

Nobody that needed endless other people around them to be happy…Master would just get overwhelmed and shut down…

Nobody that didn’t seem like they were ready for a long term relationship either…once again, they didn’t want to break Master’s heart again…

The shadows had met really bad people. Criminals and murderers…they had seen the worst the world had to offer …but they were surprised by how many females they threw out too that pool simply because of how they behaved towards other people.

Once they had thought that maybe…maybe one female was an option. Dark blonde hair, green eyes…she had a steady job and she liked going out dancing….by the time she made fun of the limp of a soldier, the shadows wondered if every single person they came across was an asshole. They also wondered if there was anyone out there who truly deserved Master. 

But the Shadows refused to give up. They would find the right female for Master, no matter how long it took. They had already acquired a beautiful home for him, and now they were determined to find the perfect mate to share it with...

They could easily suss out anybody they wanted to meet…they could figure out which females were available…The problem was only that…they did find some kind of problem with every female they came across.

The blonde one that made fun of the limp was just one in a very long row of them. There was another one that they thought could have worked…but she got into earhsattering, screaming arguments with seemingly everybody she came across. Master liked his quietness, that wasn’t going to work either…

Another few that didn’t want a serious relationship even when they said they did, which was completely fine but made them useless for the shadows purposes… The Shadows were halfway ready to give up in Velaris and start trying again in another city of the Night Court, when they came across her in a dark back alley.

Across her and probably the dirtiest and ugliest feral cat that the shadows had ever seen.The ugliest cat they had ever seen that she was clearly trying to entice to come home with her.

“H-hey, swe...sweetie,” she whispered, her voice stuttering. She was crouched down o the floor. “Wa—Want to go somewhere war—warmer?”

The cat meowed pitifully and the shadows watched as she wrapped the cat up in the scarf she had worn, not for one moment caring that the cat was goign to ruin it. 

The shadows couldn’t help but keep watching, their curiosity piqued. She was clearly not concerned about the dirt or the torn scarf, and she was attempting to bond with this mangy feral cat. This showed a level of compassion and patience that they hadn’t often come across in their search. 

She seemed determined to help the cat, and the shadows couldn't help but admire her tenacity. 

The cat looked horribly, with matted, dirty fur, two eyes that stared in two different direction and an overbite. Somehow it reminded the Shadows of Master. 

Not with the way it looked…more in the way it pitfully stayed quiet and didn’t attack the female, even as she picked it up, wrapped in her scarf and then took it home. 

She smiled at the mangly back alley cat with so much adoration that the shadows wondered where it was even coming from. Her face was alight with joy as the cat rubbed her head against her fingertips.

The shadows followed along as she brought the cat to her apartment.

It was tiny. Tiny and absolutely stuffed full with books. So many books. Like somebody had tried to stuff the whole library of the Hose of Wind in this little apartment overlooking the harbour.

She had so many bookcases lining the walls, books in little stacks on her dining table and coffee table…or simply stacked on the floor. It was cozy and cluttered and utterly charming. Her passion for literature spilled out of every corner of her home. 

The Shadows couldn’t help but wonder what kin of person would choose to filll their living space with so many books. 

Apparently a person that had no problem with spending the better part of an hour bathing the cat in her kitchen sink. 

Weren't cats supposed to not to like water?

This one didn't seem to care. This one sat calmly in her sink and attemptsed to bite the stream of water flowing from the faucet...which meant it snuffled and sneezed for the big majority of the bath. She soaped him up twice, muttering a constant stream of reassurances that the cat doesn't seem to actually need, given the cat’s complete lack of distress at being repeatedly soaked.

And still she talked to it, constantly, the stutter omnipresent. She showed a remarkable amount of patience and care as she cleaned and combed the feral cat, gently and painstakingly combing out every single matted strand of hair and making sure the cat was clean and comfortable.

The shadows couldn't help but be slightly taken aback. She seemed completely focused on making sure the cat was happy and healthy, and she didn't even seem to mind that she was making a mess of her kitchen in the process. 

​​She scooped said up in a fluffy towel, rubbing it up and the cat purred, looking at her with two eyes that stared in two different directions. It was still the ugliest cat the shadows had ever seen, but she seemed to utterly adore it.

"You need - need a name," she told the cat seriously. She seemed to take this decision very seriously, as if the cat's name was a reflection of his identity. The cat in question was clearly enjoying the attention, purring contentedly as it was rubbed with a fluffy towel. "I thi-ink you are a boy. How about...Hector," she said finally, as if she had carefully considered many options before settling on this one. "I think it suits you.”

"How about some tu...tuna, Hector?" she asked him seriously. "I'll even give...give you the good crystal."

She couldn’t be serious, could she?

Apparently, she was. She fed the mangy back alley cat from a fancy little crystal dish that she put a tin of tuna into with a flourish, putting out another dish with water right next to it. 

She slipped off the apron she had put on, printed with ditsy little florals and sat down next to the cat. Hector happily scarfed down everything she was offering and then came to curl himself up on her lap. “I have a bad track record with males,” she told the cat seriously. “They end up cheating on me with my sister.”

The statement caught the shadows off guard. What? 

Despite that admission she she continued to gently stroke the cat in her lap, clearly finding some comfort in his company. "I'll feed you all the tuna I can find, if you keep me company," she told the cat softly. "I could really use some company."

That wasn’t…that wasn’t what the shadows had expected. Bu the Hector purre, the sound rough and growly and she giggled, sounding sweet and incandescently happy. 

She wanted companionship. That was clear. And she was also used to beng the second choice, when the males she had been with, had cheated on her with her sister. 

They were intrigued. 

They kept watching, hiding between her books, that seemed to span every which genre as she got ready for bed. 

She took a bath, and they watched as she let down her hair from the thick braided bun it had been kept it, ripples of chocolate brown tresses falling down her back…she was pretty too. 

Pretty with dark hair and blue eyes, with lush curves that were swathed into a pair of blue silk pyjamas.

She opened a chest at the end of her wrought iron bed, going through it for a moment and then pulling out a fluffy blanket, into which she wrapped Hector in. 

“Here, you..you can have that one,” she said softly, placing the cat at the end of her bed. “Let’s go to sleep.”

And so she went to sleep, curled up between floral sheets, and the cat purring at her feed and the shadows watched. 

They stayed.  

While she slept, they explored her house, searching for everything that they could learn about her. Searched for a name and her job or her hobbies and…

The answer was found in the desk that was tucked beneath her window in the living room. 

Dozens of pages filled with loopy handwriting were covering it. Drafts of her newest novel. A romance novel. 

Just a few moments later they found a stack of letters…and then were very confused for a little while, because there were letters addressed to two different females. Skylar Alden…and one Sellyn Drake. 

It took them a moment until they realised that both names contained the same letters.

Skylar Alden was Sellyn Drake.

Sellyn Drake, the bestselling romance author. Sellyn Drake, who Lady Death loved to read. Sellyn Drake, whose identity was a secret...

Skylar Alden was Sellyn Drake. 

Skylar Alden, who seemed to prefer to be called Sky, signing everything with just these three letter…and who doted on Hector, the ugly cat..She was also Sellyn Drake, Bestselling Romance Novel Author extraordinaire. 

And she seemed very much content with keeping that a secret. 

But why? 

Why did she chose to hide her identity? Was she afraid of the fame that came with success? Or did she prefer to remain anonymous and blend in with the everyday world? 

The Shadows were intrigued. 

Was this the only secret Sky was hiding? 

The Shadows kept an eye her over the following days. 

They waited for her to do something that would put her out of the running as Master’s wife. Waited for her to have some kind of flaw that they couldn't deal with...but there was nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

They closely monitored her every move, and half the time she didn’t even leave her apartment, preferring to stay curled up inside, write her books, and cuddle with Hector, the cat.

For cauldron’s sake…she even knitted the ugly cat a sweater so he wouldn’t get cold because his belly didn’t have any fur after she had removed all these mats!

There was nothing, absolutely nothing, that they could find in her life that could even be construed as unkind. 

Sky had a bank account that was full thanks to the books she wrote…and all she paid for with it, was her rent, her food, her regular mail orders of more books…She even donated to one of the orphanages in Velaris, for crying outloud! 

Sometimes she went down to the fishmonger and bought ridiculously expensive tuna for Hector, who she spoiled rotten. 

Though that one trip to the harbour…where the shadows hid in her handbag…well, that one trip explained why she seemed more than content to stay in the privacy of her own home for most of the time. 

Her stutter got exponentially worse when she tried to talk to another person, when it wasn’t just herself and the cat that she liked reading her books aloud to... 

Especially when the person she tried to talk to was an impatient fishmonger that rolled his eyes at her stutter. The Shadows as Sky’s cheeks turned a ruddy red, embarrassment clouding around her thickly. 

The shadows silently bristled. 

She acquired her tuna, paid silently and then kept her head down as she headed back home, cheeks still read, while blue, blue eyes filled with tears. 

And that…that was just pissing the shadows off. 

She hadn’t even been doing anything! She had just stuttered while asking for fish!

It wasn’t like she was doing this on purpose!

One tendril from the Shadows darted out of her bag, waiting until Sky was far enough away that that idiotic fishmonger wouldn’t think she had anything to do with it…

And then they only needed to loose that pesky little screw that kept one of the legs of his table attached…Screw you, Fishmonger. Let that be a lesson to be nicer to other people 

Another customer accidentally jostled said table just seconds later and the shadows snickered to themselves as the fish went flying. 

The tendril silently returned to Sky’s handbag, as she made her way back home. 

Hector got some of the Tuna cut up into small pieces on the good crystal bowl…and Sky gently scratched him behind his ears the whole time. 

The Shadows silently wondered if Master would enjoy being scratched behind his ears, as well. 

“I’ll ha--have dinner with my family to…tonight. You’ll stay here, al-alright? I’ll be back soon,” she promised the cat. 

Hector just purred at her, nuzzling against her hand before the cat began to dig into the tuna as though he would never be fed again.

Her family. Well, the Shadows would totally come along for that…who knew, maybe her family was just as lovely as she was!

They were not in fact as lovely, as she was.

It started with the very first words of her mother who opened the door, Sky juggling her purse and a paper covered tray from a bakery: “Did you bring dessert? It’s not like you should eat any of that.”

Sky paused at her mother's words, the small smile that had graced her face vanishing like water in the sand.

And then it returned, but the difference between her true smile and her fake smile were so... stark.

"Hi-i. I brou… I brought cake," she said, holding out the tray towards her. "Where do you….Whe-ere do…where do-o you want me to…to put it?"

Her voice was shaking. And she was stuttering…stuttering even worse than she had done with that fishmonger.

“Talk properly, Skylar,” her mother admonished her harshly. “Put it in the kitchen.”

Sky gave a small nod, but her eyes were downcast as the Shadows followed her into the house. 

The Shadows were...not impressed with Sky's mother. It was clear that her stutter wasn’t something that she could help, but instead was something that came out stronger when she was nervous or anxious or around other people. 

Sky set the cake on the counter and glanced towards the dining room. The table was already set, surrounded by other people, that the shadows took in, while hiding in the curtains of the living room: 

Sky’s mother was taller than her, blonde and grey eyed. The shadows also got their first glimpse at what probably was her sister. Looking just like her mother, tall and slender…accompanied by a red haired male. And then there was another blonde male, probably a brother…and an older male, who must be her father. At least he shared her dark hair.

“Ah there you are Skylar,” the blonde female greeted her, her voice sickly sweet.

"Hi Claire. Hi-i…ever…everyone," she murmured looking as though she would rather be anywhere but here.

Her eyes briefly flitted to her father. He gave a small nod, but otherwise he looked… indifferent. As though he did not even care.

"We've been waiting for you," her mother said, her voice sharp and curt, "Sit." Sky didn't respond, just moved quickly to the table. She settled down in one of the empty spots, clasping her hands on her lap.

"...Is this what you call fashion?" her sister scoffed.

Sky looked down at her outfit. 

As far as the shadows could tell, there was nothing wrong with it. I cream coloured blouse, a blue skirt…It was a rather pretty outfit in the Shadow's opinion. Sky looked beautiful and charming to them. 

“Did you gain weight, again?” The red haired male said with a roll of his eyes. “You always had a horrible sweet tooth.”

What. 

Since when did that make polite dinner conversation?

Sky didn't respond, even when the shadows could see her hands tightening around each other, looking down as her mother let out an exasperated sigh. “You’ll never find a male like this,” her mother snorted. “Males don’t like it if girls don’t keep up their appearances. The least you could do is try.”

"I'm...sor...re...sorry," the stuttering had gotten worse, Sky practically shrinking into her seat. She was fidgeting, looking as though she wanted to disappear into herself and the Shadows wished that they could just sweep her far away from here.

“How is work?” Her brother asked flatly at that moment. “Still editing your stupid romance novels? I still think you should do something slightly more useful.”

So even they didn’t know. 

Sellyn Drake was a secret even from her family. But then, if her family talked to her like that and it was…normal…then the shadows weren’t surprised. 

“What else is she supposed to do?” the red haired male asked with a snort. “It’s not like she has any skills.”

Sky flinched, not looking at him. The shadows wondered if that was one of the males that had cheated on her with her sister. 

“Oh, come on, Admon. She has some skills,” her sister said at that moment, giving another winning smile. “She can annoy everybody around her with her inability to speak properly.” 

Wow. 

Sky didn’t even flinch. Sky did nothing. 

She just...sat there through all the comments. Sky didn't even try to defend herself.

The whole dinner went by like that. Comment after comment after comment. About her work, about her body, about her clothing, about her stutter… Sky barely had any dinner because every time she picked up her fork with food on it, her mother was shooting her a sharp look. So she left most of the food on her plate and the shadows wanted to bristle. 

She maybe wasn’t as thin as her mother or her sister but that didn’t make her any less beautiful or any less deserving of food! 

When they weren’t making prickly comments about sky, her older brother Orin and Claire, her sister were only talking about themselves. It was quite useful only because the shadows learned stuff like the fact that Claire and Admon were engaged to be married and that Orin was working at a bank…

But none of that information made it worth for them to treat her like that. 

Eventually the dinner finally ended after what felt like an eternity. Sky looking as though she could hardly wait to leave. She rose, and the Shadows quickly into her purse her as she grabbed her purse and her jacket.

"Leaving already?" her mother frowned, standing as well. 

"I…It's get…getting…late." Sky said, her eyes not even lifting to look at her mother.

The words were barely out of her mouth before her mother's hand darted out, gripping her jaw tightly and causing the Shadows to let out a warning hiss. Sky winced in pain as her mother forced her to look up.

“At least try to be polite, if you are utterly useless.”

Sky's eyes widened in pain as her lip wobbled. She looked as though she was going to cry, her hands clenching and unclenching as she tried to stay calm. "I'm…sor-r-r-ry." She whispered.

But her mother didn't even release her grip. "Don't talk to me like you are the one being wronged. Look at you. Who would want you like this?"

The Shadows bristled at her mother's words. Everyone would want her like this, they thought angrily. We would want her like this.

Sky swallowed thickly, trying to fight her tears. She was trembling, trembling from head to toe.

"I'm sor-rry. Pl-please. Let me go." She stammered.

Her mother simply sneered, and shoved her backwards, Sky nearly falling as she stumbled. "You'll never amount to anything." She said coldly. "You're nothing more than a disappointment."

Sky looked absolutely mortified at her mother's words, tears starting to fall from her eyes as she looked down at her feet. She looked like a wounded animal, like someone who had given up. And it made the Shadows burn with anger. How could her own family be so cruel to her? Didn't they see how kind she was? Or how…how sweet she was?

Sky took a step backwards, and then she was running, practically fleeing out the door, rushing into the night. She was almost running, her breaths ragged as every gasp she took sounded as though she was trying to smother her sobs.

Finally, she slowed down, but didn't stop walking.

She just kept walking, her head down, tears still falling down from her wide eyes. Finally, she slowed down, but didn't stop walking. She made her way back home, shoulders caved in, looking utterly and completely miserable, as opened her door with her key…and then the damn burst. 

And she collapsed right on the floor in her hallway, great, heaving sobs escaping her.  

And the shadows just knew one thing with utter certainty: They were going to fix this. They were going to fix this for her and Master.

Even when it was the last fucking thing they did. 

[mchib]

‘We need more bipolar characters’ 

YOU COULDBNT EVEN HANDLE HIM

first of all i think this is common knowledge but he exhibits a complex and erratic personality which i think could potentially be interpreted as symptom of bipolar disorder - bipolar is a characterized by extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania) and lows (depression) - throughout the series and manga (i think the manga shows this better) mellos behavior fluctuates dramatically displaying periods of intense energy impulsivity and irritability which align with manic episodes,,. - in the manga mellos depicted as ambitious driven and sometimes reckless in his pursuit of catching Kira. he has a chronic case of impulsive decision making such as kidnapping poeple and hijacking a character showcases a lack of regard for consequences which is a hallmark trait of manic behavior - i also think mellos extreme emotional responses ranging from fits of rage to moments of despair mirror the intense mood swings characteristic of bipolar disorder. he also struggles with self esteem and identity also point towards bipolar disorder... individuals with bipolar disorder often experience fluctuations in self esteem oscillating between grandiosity during manic episodes and profound self doubt during depressive episodes - mellos constant comparison to near (who he he and only he sees as his rival) and his need to prove himself could stem from underlying insecurities exacerbated by his mood swings

him developing bipolar could totally be a normal trauma response from literally a lot of abuse that he has faced, most of the main characters from wammys house show no signs of like rebellion or outlandish behavior like he does but that doesnt necessarily mean that nothing happened and i think the author gave characters such as near and the other orphans way too much mental fortitude. bipolar can be developed at any age and its especially common between ages 15-19. not to mention other than it being genetic, theres a huge link between bipolar and childhood trauma. like imagine being groomed your whole childhood into this competitive environment with other 4 year olds to be the smartest toddler so u can substitute this crazy genius when he dies. and think of it like come on theres no chance all of these kids desperately wanted to be detectives when they grew up there was definitely like some sort of foul play. L is an exception obviously since the orphanage became abusive after he came and he was treated like a king basically while the other orphans mental state was completely disregarded because they were only brought in from several corners of the world solely to be his successor. in fact the first generation orphans were literally expected to kill themselves because of the pressure and A killing himself literally was not a shock at all to the orphanage in fact i suspect that a lot of the first generation orphans made to succeed L had a horrible mental state and also killed themselves which if you think about it B (which stood for backup) losing his mind was completely normal even if the way he went about challenging L was not. not to mention how he had to live with shinigami eyes but thats for another post lolol.,,, anyways yeah mello's behavior is actually justified when you think about how much of an abusive household he lived in even if its kind of obvious that the author disregarded coming up with an explanation for the orphans mental wellbeing and how it would have affected their adolescence except from the character of mello and even when they show mello they basically make him seem insane and watari like an angel . reading the la bb murder cases from mello's perspective really opened my eyes to like how it actually was in wammys house u can really understand it from his tone and stuff also with that one page hold on lemme find it

'but what if they could copy him? what if they could make a backup? that was us. L's children, gathered from all corners of the world. children gathered together, never told each other's names. but even for a genuis like watari, creating a fake L was easier said than done. even for near and i, who were said to be the closest to L... the more we tried to be like him, the closer we got, the farther away he was, like chasing a mirage. so i hardly need to tell you what it was like when wammy's house was first founded, when he was still experimenting. the first child, A, was unable to handle the pressure of living up to L and took his own life, and the second child, beyond birthday, was brilliand and deviant. B stood for Backup.'

'L was the goal of everyone in wammys house. everyone one of us wanted to surpass him. to step over him. to step on him. M did, N did and B did. M as a challenger, N as a successor. B as a criminal.'

sorry for my complete lack of spelling punctuation and grammar but i think i got my point across and also big thanks to @monards who helped me finish this draft by giving me the energy to continue and also encouraging my crippling death note addiction by feeding into it with questions and remarks like 'woah!' and 'eureka!'

[bookbokoblin]

I have too much free time and an abundance of cringe in my grasp, so I have done the only thing I could while I wait for more Kai content…

I made a Ninjago x Miraculous LB au.

Jay Walker - he lives in a smaller house with his adopted parents. He is always making machines to do tasks or just to decorate his room. he is outgoing in class and wants nothing more than to be close to Nya. Though he has some self-esteem issues he is always there to lend a helping hand.{miraculous of the ladybug - Tentomushi}

Cole Brookstone - His dad works at a dance studio and really wants Cole to join. Instead, he focuses on art and music. Sometimes him and Jay make sets for the tech crew. Though Cole refuses to audition for a part. He will do anything to protect his friends, and stands up to all who are unjust.{Miraculous of the turtle - Kame}

Zane Julien - His dad was an inventor and homeschooled Zane until the French equivalent of high school. He is very educated in science and mathematics, but doesn’t always get the arts. He wants to learn painting and practices with Cole. He wants to make sure his family is safe. {Miraculous of the dragon - Ryu}

Kai Smith - Hot-headed and loud. Practically raised Nya himself, and his whole life is built on carefully structured lies. He doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents. Though he is their ‘miracle child’ so they dote on him. He doesn’t trust them, and they lie to him often. Though favored by his parents he has a bad reputation among teachers and students.

{Miraculous of the fox - Kitsune}

Nya Smith - Very smart and loves robotics. She says she doesn’t care about boys but Kai has seen how she talks about Tentomushi. Her parents push her to succeed in everything ever, demanding perfection. She knows Kai is overprotective and wants nothing more than to destroy the pedestal her parents crafted for themselves.{miraculous of the cat - Neko}

Pixal Borg - Lives with her father who works at a tech company. She is very literal and very smart. Often struggles to control her sarcasm yet also struggles with brutal honesty. Is dating Zane (they know each other’s identity). 

{miraculous of the horse - Kisouma} 

Lloyd Garmadon - lives with his uncle Wu, who seems to know a suspicious amount about the miraculous. (He was the last Ladybug). He isn’t popular since his dad is commonly rude and forceful. Once Tentomushi and Neko recover the peacock he joins the team. 

{miraculous of the peacock - Kannon}

First Spinjitzu Master - the guardian. No one has ever seen him, not even the miraculous wearers. 

Krux - Main villain. Big bad. He wants to get the miraculous for his wish. More than anything he always to reverse time and make it so that Wu didn’t defeat him and kill his brother. Big brain, the smart twin. (He recruited the influential Ray and Maya by allowing them to have a kid, Kai, using the Peacock). 

{miraculous of the butterfly - Flying Time}

Acronix - younger twin who was killed in the first fight with Wu. In the events of this AU, he is replaced with a sentimonster and uses the peacock miraculous when Krux asks. He is unaware he isn’t a real person but is allowed a lot of freedom in personality. (Not Krux’s main priority). 

{miraculous of the peacock - Aglais io}

Ray and Maya - they own a large mechanical firm, and manage to make a lot of vehicles and other tools for Krux. They met him as his ‘Dr. Sanders’ disguise. He promised he could help them have a child if they helped him with his ‘family issues’. They hastily signed the contract and are now stuck working for him. (Krux made Kai using the peacock miraculous). Somehow the process allowed them to have Nya naturally.

{past holders of the mouse and snake}

I will answer questions to the best of my ability!

[cowgurrrl]

Keep the Wolves Away

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author's note: Dedicated to my real life Andies. Thank you for making me feel easy to love.

Summary: The worst decision [5.2k]

Warnings: platonic threatening, discussions of bad mental health, so much flirting that (spoiler alert) might be real, possible THE shittiest ex I ever could've written, all the southern pet names, alcohol consumption, the resurgence of an old nude of readers, gaslighty behavior, smoking cigarettes (don't smoke kids), Joel talking reader out of a spiral, two (2) kisses

"So, it's a date." Andie declares once you're done explaining everything to her over FaceTime. You pause your blush application to roll your eyes at her. 

"It's not a date!"

"I'm sorry, so I'm just supposed to believe you when you say you're going to be just friends with the hot, sweet single dad who sounds like he's head over heels for you?"

"He is not head over heels for me." You sound a little petulant, and Andie laughs like she did when you were in high school and trying to hide a crush from her. 

"Babe, he willingly went on a high school field trip just so he could see you."

"His daughter was there. I'm sure he wanted to spend time with her."

"I'm sure he did because he's a great dad, but he also wanted to see you in your element. It's sexy watching someone do the thing they love." 

"Yeah, yeah." You brush her off, and she scoffs. You toss your makeup brush back into its bag and check out your outfit in the mirror. It's nothing insane— just a plain black slip dress— but now that Joel's arrival is getting closer and closer, you're rethinking everything. "Do I look okay?"

"You look stunning!" Andie chirps. "I'm sure your not boyfriend will think the same thing."

"I'm going to get a plane ticket to Austria just so I can choke you out with my own two hands." You threaten, but she laughs so hard you can't stop smiling. Once the trans-Atlantic giggling dies down, the line goes quiet, and you take a deep breath as you pull your mascara out. 

"Are you nervous to see him?" She asks gently. Andie came home for the summer dubbed The Dark Days. She stayed over when the one-bedroom apartment felt too big and got you out of the house when you couldn't stand the four walls anymore. She took whatever he left behind to his new apartment so you wouldn't have to (and gave him a piece of her mind while she was at it). She made you believe in love again. Not sticky, frustrating, unpredictable romantic love but pure, easy, all-knowing love that can only come from long-enduring relationships such as yours. 

For a long time after he left, you thought you were hard to love. Too loud, too bright, too much. Until you were out at a bar with her one night, trying to find the remnants of your independence and self-esteem tucked under sweaty beers and cracked leather chairs, when someone pointed out how similar you and Andie were. "Like two sides of the same coin," the woman told you. Andie is one of the easiest people in the world to love with her quick wit, creativity, and smile. And you realized for the first time if you had even a shred of that, even if only by dint of knowing and being loved by her, then you must be easy to love too. You must be worth the mess and heartache and stained fingerprints. 

So, yeah, Andie was less than pleased to hear that all that hard work could be undone by seeing him again, but she was supportive. 

"I don't know," you sigh. "I'm not a kid anymore. I've had more years without him than I did with him, but it's still scary."

"I know." 

"I don't even know what I'm gonna say to him."

"He'll probably be too busy with the gallery and everything. Maybe you won't even have to." She says, and you groan at the uncertainty of everything. 

"God, why did I say yes?" You ask as a knock interrupts your whining. You end your call with a quick "I love you, thank you, I'll text you" before throwing your phone down. "Come in!" You yell from the bathroom as you rapidly finish doing your makeup. There's a pause on the other side before he jiggles the knob and finally comes in. "I'm just finishing up in the bathroom. Give me a minute." 

"D'you always leave your door unlocked?" Joel asks. The sound of his unsure footsteps reaches your ears, and you smile at the thought of him looking around your apartment like a lost toddler. 

"Only when I know someone's coming over," you say. "Sorry, it's a mess."

"Oh, this is nothin'. You should see Ellie's room." He says, his feet pacing the floor. You swipe on a cute lipstick you never wear and finally step out into the living room where Joel is waiting. He's wearing a black button-up shirt with nice pants as he stands with his back to you, looking at some of the things on your wall. 

"Well, don't you look nice?" You compliment, making him turn around with a shy smile. His eyes roam over you, taking in every detail or sliver of skin he hasn't seen before. His intense gaze reminds you of how he looked at you in the bar when you were sure his eyes would melt you. He looks dumbstruck, and his Adam's apple bobs when his eyes finally settle on your face. 

"Wow… you look-"

"Choose carefully." You tease to take some of the tension out of the room. 

"Beautiful," he says, thwarting your efforts. "You always look beautiful." 

"Thank you. Not so bad yourself." 

"You like it? Ellie helped me pick it out," he anxiously fiddles with the sleeves of his shirt. "Feels weird." 

"What specifically feels weird?" You ask, stepping closer to him to examine his outfit. He smells like aftershave and the cologne he's prone to wearing. Why the fuck do you have his cologne memorized, you think to yourself. 

"I dunno. I think I just feel outta place." 

"Well, you don't look out of place," you say. "These might be what's doing it, though." You tap the top buttons of his shirt, the ones buttoned all the way up to his chin like a toddler going to Christmas mass. 

"Ellie said I should do all of 'em since it's a fancy art thing."

"Well, you should stop taking fashion advice from a fifteen-year-old," you laugh. "I promise it's not fancy enough to justify being uncomfortable." 

"I'm takin' your word for it." He says as he reaches up to undo his top two buttons, revealing freckles across his chest and collarbones and the tiniest sliver of a gold chain resting against his throat. For some reason, you can't tear your eyes away from the veins in his neck or the delicate necklace stuck to his warm skin. "What, it really looks that bad?" He thankfully breaks through your thoughts, and you try to recover by shaking your head.

"No, no. Not at all. You look really nice," you say, clearing your throat. "Let me get my purse, and we can go." You don't even wait for him to respond. You just turn on your heels and walk to your bedroom. In the security of your bedroom, you let out a long exhale and try to get your mind back on track. 

You're just nervous. He's being nice. You're being nice back. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's nothing, you mentally chant. When you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you almost have to laugh at the fierce blush on your cheeks and the distracted look in your eyes. "You better get it together." You say, pointing at yourself in the mirror like it's gonna do anything to make tonight smoother.

The gallery is packed when you get there. Joel curses under his breath as he tries to find a parking spot, and you try to keep your anxiety at bay. All you have to do is show your face, look at the paintings, and leave. Maybe you can manage to steal a bottle of the cheap wine they're undoubtedly serving. It'll be an hour. Two tops. You can do this. 

You're so in your head that you didn't notice that Joel parked the car or that he was looking at you until he bumped your knee with his. 

"You okay?" He asks. You take a deep breath and nod.

"Just need a second." You mumble. You fiddle with your earrings, your dress, anything to keep your hands busy as you psyche yourself up. 

"When's the last time you saw this asshole?"

"He wasn't always an asshole," you try to redirect, but he raises his eyebrows at you. "Since I graduated college." 

"We don't have to go in." He offers easily, and you give him a look. 

"Yes, we do. My name's on the list and everything." 

"So?" He shrugs. "The world's not gonna end just cause one person didn't show up."

"But you drove all the way here."

"And I can drive you all the way back. Besides, it's nice having a pretty girl in my truck. It wouldn't hurt to have you here next to me for a little while longer." He says, and you laugh, feeling some weight lift off your shoulders.

"You get many pretty girls sitting in your truck?"

"Just my pretty girls." 

"Right." You say, and he smiles, creating familiar crinkles in the corners of his eyes. They look a little deeper in the moonlight, but his eyes shine differently. Your fingers itch to draw them if only to critique your work and find the answer to why he has such an effect on you. You're aware that you're staring, but you also can't find it in yourself to look away. Not when he's staring back at you so fondly. 

"What can I do to help you?" He asks. You feel like you could cry at the sincerity in his voice. You've talked to Ellie about her anxiety, so you know he has some practice in dealing with it, but he's acting like it's second nature. Like this is what he was meant to do. He bumps you again when you start messing with your purse. "Do you want this to be like at the bar? Do you want me to take you home and pretend like we were never here? Do you want me to go in there and crack some skulls? You say the word— any word— and I'll do it for you, darlin'." 

Darlin’. It's what he called you when you promised revenge for almost kissing you at the bar. Normally, you'd be against any form of pet name. Henry was not openly affectionate in that way, and you learned not to expect it from him. But here's Joel, dropping the term of endearment almost every time he's been alone with you. It could be that cowboy accent or his knee pressed against yours, but the nickname fills your chest with warmth and pushes away your anxiety. 

"Any word, huh?" You ask, and he chuckles. 

"My mama raised me not to make promises I didn't have every intention of followin' through on." He says. "What'll it be?"

"I think… I just need you to be there with me." 

"Then, that's what I'll do." 

"Okay." You mumble, and he smiles as a new wave of comfort washes over you. 

"Okay." He says.

"Okay." You take a deep breath and look at him in the driver's seat one more time. "Let's do this." Finally, you open the door and step down from his truck. He's quick to come to your side and offer you his arm before he can even finish locking the car. You smile, tuck your hand under his bicep, and let him keep you upright as you walk in. 

The gallery is full of people who look way more qualified than you— art critics, journalists, and other artists who can actually sell a piece. They barely glance at you and Joel when you breach the doorway, which you're silently grateful for. When a waiter walks by with champagne glasses, Joel quickly snatches two glasses from the tray and hands you one. 

"Here's to us." He says, and you cock an eyebrow at him. 

"Us?"

"Well, we're sure as hell not toastin' to that asshole, are we?" 

"I guess not," you laugh as you clink your glasses together. "To us." You each take a sip, and Joel tries to hide his reaction to the champagne, but you see right through it. "Not your speed?"

"Not at all." He groans as he chokes it down. 

"Don't worry, maverick, we'll get you something else later." You promise and tuck your hand back under his arm as you start walking through the gallery. 

A lot of his newer work resembles his work from college— normal portraits of things like fruits, beds, or people but with unexpected lines of colors lining them like they're vibrating. You even recognize some from your college days. You just never expected them to actually be displayed in this way, not even when you were dating and telling him what a good artist you thought he was. Some have vague titles like "$12" and "Jack," while others are untitled. You can see why it would get taken in by a gallery. There's a very clear skill in how he paints and manipulates everyday objects into something new. It would be impressive if it was interesting. 

Maybe you're just used to the way he paints. Maybe this is exactly what you expected of him. Maybe you thought he would've grown, if not in attitude than, at least, in skill. But it's clear that too many people told him good things about his work, and he saw nothing he needed to change or fix. Somehow, it makes you feel better, not worse, about your own art. 

"So, are these supposed to be good or bad?" Joel whispers to you as you get closer to the next section, and you laugh a little too loudly. The people around you give you nasty looks, but you can't find it in yourself to be sorry.

"Like I said at the museum, I can't tell you that, but…" you glance around to make sure nobody's listening to you. "As someone who saw him make a lot of art, this is definitely not his best."

"Okay, that's what I thought," he says before pointing at a specific part of the painting. "The shape is really weird right there, like he ran outta space or somethin'." You let go of his arm and step between him and the painting, smiling knowingly.

"Did you study for this?" You ask, and he nervously plays with the chain around his neck. 

"I may have… snuck a look at Ellie's notes." He admits sheepishly, and your eyes widen. 

"You were actin' like you were gonna have to rely on me this whole time! You don't need me to tell you what good art is!"

"Yeah, but I want you to." 

"Oh, whatever. C'mon, I wanna hear what else you think." You pretty much drag him to the next section of the gallery, but he's pliant and almost giddy at your hold on him. You take more time in the next part, and he ducks so his lips are near your ear to point out little things he notices. He said he was scared of being wrong in front of people "smarter than him," but all the observations he makes are valid and accurate. He lets you add your own analysis to his and watches you with a smile when you start talking with your hands excitedly. Suddenly, you're not nearly as miserable as you thought you would be, and you're even laughing together as you jump from painting to painting. 

"See, this isn't so bad!" You say as you move to the final part, but your smile and enthusiasm die when you step over the threshold. There, staring at you unashamedly is the painting Henry did of you when you were twenty and topless. He told you it was for his own artistic development, and you were more than happy to do it for him. You just never thought he would've kept it after all these years. Thank God your face isn't visible in the painting, but your rigid posture tells Joel everything he needs to know. He politely turns his back to the painting and steps between you and your likeness. 

"You wanna go?" He whispers at the same time someone calls your name. You take a deep breath and grab Joel's hand for support as you turn around and face Henry. His wavy blonde hair frames his face like it did in college but he's matured. His beard is a little more filled in, and he's gotten a little broader. Other than that, he's still the same person you met freshman year. 

"I'm so glad you could make it!" He says as he approaches. He doesn't try to hug you, and you don't move to let go of Joel's hand. "You look great. I mean, you always looked great, but you know what I meant," he says, looking over you. Only when Joel clears his throat does Henry even look at him. "Oh, sorry, man! We're old friends. I'm Henry." He holds his hand out for Joel to meet halfway, but he doesn't. You think it probably took fighting every single bit of southern hospitality in his veins to stop himself from shaking Henry's hand.

"'M Joel." He says, and Henry awkwardly drops his hand. 

"Nice to meet you, Joel. How are you enjoying the exhibition?" 

"'S alright." Is all Joel offers, not willing to gas up Henry's ego anymore, and you have to stifle a laugh at the expectant look on Henry's face. "Well, I think we were just goin'."

"Oh, so soon? You haven't even seen the last few pieces."

"Are those any better than the thirty identical ones I already saw?"

"Joel," you scold quietly, and his jaw flexes when you look at him.

"It's okay. Not everyone understands art enough to enjoy it." Henry says. 

"Oh, I understand everythin' just fine." You swear Joel would've punched him if he wasn't holding your hand so tight. You step in between them and raise your eyebrows at Joel. His shoulders are squared, and you can feel the molten anger rolling off him, but it softens just a bit when he meets your eyes. You squeeze him twice to let him know you're okay, and he nods. 

"Can you get me a refill on champagne? I think they're still walkin' around with some." You suggest. He gets the hint, but he obviously doesn't like it. He glances between you and Henry like he's trying to make a decision but folds when you mouth, "please," at him. 

"’Course," he says through gritted teeth. "Anythin' else I can get for you, baby?" Baby, that's a new one, you think. 

"No, I'm alright. Thanks, though." You say. Without thinking, you let your other hand rest on his jaw and kiss Joel's cheek. His jaw unclenches when your fingertips graze his stubble, and his shoulders relax when your lips make contact with his skin, but you know he's still upset because you're still upset. Joel smiles and walks away before you can get a good look at the blush creeping up his neck, and you're resigned to watching him disappear into the crowd. 

"He seems nice," Henry says the second Joel is out of earshot, and you have to resist the urge to laugh. 

"He is." 

"How'd you two meet?"

"Through work." You say, knowing that bringing up teaching will make his skin crawl. He sucks his teeth and nods, the champagne in his glass sloshing slightly.

"Ah," he says. "That's nice."

"Yeah," you agree. An awkward silence falls over the two of you quickly, and you're itching to find Joel in the sea of people. Henry notices your lack of attention on him.

"It's really good to see you," he says. "I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever."

"Yeah, that's usually what happens when you leave someone." 

"That's kinda why I invited you here tonight. I wanted to apologize for the way things ended," he acts brokenhearted and torn up about it, but he's years too late for the pity party he's expecting. "I should've talked to you about what was going on. We were just... becoming so different, and it felt like you were always talking to Andie or other people in the program, and there was no way to reach you."

"What are you talking about? I asked you multiple times if we were okay, and you said yes every time. I was talking to Andie so much because I needed someone who would understand me and be able to help." You say, and he waves his hand like he's swatting flies.

"Let's not do this. My therapist says it's not healthy to rehash the past like this. I just wanted to make amends and let you know I'm sorry for how you felt." It's not an apology. Not a real one, anyway. Jesus Christ, what did you ever see in him? Before you can even open your mouth to say something, he gestures to the gallery. "So, what do you think about all this? Crazy, right?"

"It's... something," you say. "Wish you would've given me a heads up about that one before I brought someone with me." You point in the direction of your half-naked body on the wall, and he gives you a confused look.

"I thought I did in the email." 

"Nope, I think I would've remembered if you said something about a half-naked painting of me from college being displayed," you shake your head. "Why do you even still have that? I thought you would've thrown it away or painted over it or something."

"Why would I do that? It's a good piece."

"I know it's good because it's my body. What's weird is you leaving me without a word one day and then keeping a naked picture of me all these years." 

"I didn't even think of it as your body. After a while, it was just a body," he says with no remorse, and you think you might hit him yourself. "Besides, you should take this as a compliment. Not many women get the opportunity to be depicted as art. It's a wonderful thing. You might even thank me one day when you're older." Finally, you see Joel walking toward you with a glass of champagne, and you take refuge in the fact that he's returning for you. "But, from what I can see, they've definitely stayed the same, so you probably don't have anything to worry about." He says like it's a secret or a compliment. You don't even wait for Joel to say or do anything. You just grab the wine from him and throw it in Henry's face. The people in the immediate vicinity gasp as you slap him and shove the empty glass into his hands. 

"Out of all the stupid things I imagined for myself when I was younger, thinking I would marry you was the stupidest," you spit. "Don't you ever try to fucking contact me again."

You feel like a fucking idiot. What did you expect? An apology? Repentance? Regret? He barely apologized when you were together. Why would he start now? God, was he always that bad? How could you have been so blind? How could you have shed so many tears over him? How could you have let yourself be so vulnerable with him and for so many years? It's a miracle he didn't call the cops and try to get the two of you arrested, even though Joel didn't do anything. You think, at least. The second you finished your sentence, you ran to the bathroom to cry and then snuck out through the back to wait outside Joel's truck. For all you know, Joel (rightfully) beat his ass and is on the run from artsy Austin hipsters. 

You put the lit cigarette back in your mouth and take a long drag, the familiar burning in your lungs a sick relief. You quit during The Dark Days because smoking was something he did, and you wanted to rid yourself of any reminder of his impact on your life. Apparently, at the same time you were scrubbing his fingerprints from your bones, he was in possession of and doing God knows what with the visual reminder of your vulnerability and love-sickness and acted like it was nothing. Like it was a compliment. Like it was just an object instead of your body. Andie would be pissed if she were here but especially if she saw you smoking after she braved all those shaky days and nights of nicotine patches and dried fruit and whatever other remedy recommended to help you quit smoking. You half-expect the same anger when you see Joel walking toward you. 

"Before you even start, I know I shouldn't, okay? It's a bad habit from when I was a kid, and I've mostly kicked it. I just... had a lapse. I'll be back on my best behavior tomorrow," you say as he stops in front of you. He doesn't look angry or upset. He just looks concerned and maybe even a little sad. Suddenly, you regret running away from him when all he probably wanted to do was help. You probably wouldn't have bummed a cigarette from a busboy if you let him. "Don't tell Ellie." You plead. His eyes flick over your face before he takes the cigarette from your fingers, puts the lipstick-stained filter in his own mouth, and inhales deeply, making the ember glow in the dark of the night. When he exhales, he blows the smoke away from you and lets the wind carry it in the opposite direction. A considerate smoker. You should've guessed.

"Don't tell Ellie," he says, handing the cigarette back to you. "Are you okay?"

You shake your head and take a long drag. It's quiet between you two for a while, the only sound being the cicadas and the distant chatter of the gallery. They're probably still talking about the psycho bitch who threw her wine in the artist's face. You don't really care. "I'm sorry for tonight. I don't know what I was expecting, and I sure as shit didn't know that painting was gonna be displayed. I swear, if I had any idea how bad this was gonna be, I wouldn't have invited you." 

"Why are you apologizin'? It's not your fault." 

"I shouldn't have roped you into this. I should've just said no, ignored the email, or came by myself. It's not fair that you got put in the middle of all this, especially when you were just trying to be nice. You're the parent of one of my students, and for you to see that side of me is just inappropriate. I just-" he stops your rambling by putting his hands on your shoulders and making you look at him, the cigarette falling to the pavement in the process. 

"Hey, hey. Stop. Take a breath." He says. Your head hurts from crying, and part of you wants to crawl into a hole and stay there until these feelings go away, but his eyes are gentle, and his hands are warm. You think he might be the only reason you're holding it together right now. "None of this is your fault, okay? Not the painting, not the conversation, none of it. We're both adults, and we can handle these things rationally. I'm not scarred for life just 'cause you lost your temper."

"But I-"

"No, buts. You told me the situation, and I didn't care. You warned me bout the art people, and I didn't care. You threw a drink in that asshole's face, and I didn't care," he says. "The only thing I care bout right now is makin' sure you're okay. Fuck everythin' else." You search his face for anything to tell you what he's telling you is going against his inner monologue but find none. He's completely and wholly concerned about you and nothing else. Not how fast he can get out of this. Not how this might look. Not what other people might think about him. Nothing. You take a deep breath and nod.

"Fuck everything else." You agree. 

"Now, you're gettin' the hang of it." He jokes, and you roll your eyes at him. He takes it in stride, his smile never fading as he looks down at you. You stop messing with the hem of your dress and let yourself relax for the first time all night.

"Thank you for being here, Joel. I really appreciate it."

"Not our best not-date, but definitely a memorable one." He says, and you laugh. You seem to realize how close you are at the same time because you both fall silent. His curls are beautifully draped over his face, and you can't stop watching his tiny expressions. An eye squint. A purse of the lips. A bite to the inside of his cheek. You want to blame your bad night or the emotions, but you can't. There's something more there. Something that's been brewing beneath the surface since he came into your classroom. Something that will kill you if you don't act on it.

You let your hands come up from your sides and tentatively brush against his waist as you stare at him, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't. He just stares down at your lips, and the hands on your shoulders slowly move across your skin and up your collarbone— leaving goosebumps in his wake— until his hands are on your jaw and your pulse is thrumming against his palm. You pull him closer by his belt loops, and he doesn't hesitate to crowd your space, pushing you into the side of his truck with his body. His lips ghost over yours, just barely touching, and his nose bumps yours. 

"This is a bad idea," you breathe, tightening your hold on him. He nods and presses his forehead against yours. He's still close enough to breathe the same air as him, but the distance feels like miles. You lean forward a fraction as a test, and he doesn't move. If anything, he seems annoyed you didn't kiss him.

"D'you want to stop?" He asks, sounding just as breathless as you feel. You shake your head and swallow hard when he brushes the hair off your shoulder, and you can feel his heavy hand holding you. Your hands skate over his ribs, feeling muscles and a crazed heartbeat, and his jaw clenches. "Then you better do somethin' cause you've been drivin' me fuckin' crazy for weeks." 

Finally, you catch his lips with yours. He tastes like nicotine and smoke, and you know it's going to take a lot more than patches to get you to want to stop doing this. It's gentle and sweet, all relieved sighs and shy touches until you pull away for just a second to second-guess yourself or ask him something. You don't even start to form the words before he's back on you with more fervor. Suddenly, it's like he's everywhere but not nearly close enough. He nibbles at your bottom lip and tests a hand on your sternum, long fingers grazing your throat. The metal of the truck digs into your back, but you stop caring when a little moan slips from his lips when you pull him closer.

This is a bad idea. A horrible one. A bad habit you're gonna need to kick. 

But he might just be your favorite bad idea so far.

TAGLIST: @abbyhaslongshorts @kiwiharrykiwi @sumsworldz @myloveistoolittle @anavatazes @marantha @cosmoscoffeee @shyminnie07 @beezusvreeland @eddiemunsonsbedroom @harriedandharassed @doodlebob-mp3 @ignorethisplz2004 @buckyispunk

[stevefromupsidedown]

Façade — Pt, one : the heartbreak ● steve harrington x fem!reader

synopsis: First kisses are magical, right?

warnings: fem!reader with she/her pronouns, deaths, blood, gore and violence, references to mental health issues and low self esteem, very heavy on the angst, very little comfort, basically reader's the worst pessimist, very introspective, references to sexual themes, 18+ ONLY (overall warnings for the series, read at your own risk, don't make it my problem)

This material is @takemetothelakes-poets’ property.

PT, TWO | SERIES MASTERLIST | SERIES PLAYLIST

Summer ‘85. Starcourt burned down and Sheriff Hopper was announced dead on the city’s televised news, smoke blowing through her vision and blurs the screen for a few seconds before it dissipates. 

She looks to where it comes from, deep brown curls fall past his shoulders, she can see his tattoos peeking through his white tight vest top. 

Eyes go from the tv to her’s, his eyebrows widen slightly as he hands her the cigarette he rolled, a look in his eyes she can’t decipher yet, she takes a puff out of it and hands it back to him, “There’s something really weird about this town,” her voice is hoarse as the smoke leaves her lips and Eddie can’t seem to stop staring at her, losing himself in all the unthinkable thoughts he’s not supposed to have about her.

He breaks out of his haze as he takes it back and finishes the cigarette, “What do you mean?” 

“Byers’ kid, Barbara, the Sheriff ?,” she leans her knees against his leg as she sits cross-legged on his sofa, “And don’t tell me it’s a coincidence, nothing ever happens and suddenly a kid goes missing, is found dead, buried then out of nowhere is found alive? Same week, Barbara goes missing, and a year later her death is explained? Eight months later, Hopper’s dead in a burning mall that’s been there for what, barely four months? That’s coincidental?” 

“Damn, Sherlock Holmes. You’re so smart.” 

“Stop mocking me, you’re so fucking high.” 

“Yeeeah, it’s starting to hit,” he started to laugh, that high pitch voice with that contagious smile of his, his head fell against her arm, his dark curls falling on her lap, she couldn’t help but join him and laugh too, and damn, did he love that sound, but he wouldn’t act on it, as he knows she wasn’t in a good place to reciprocate anything, but God, he would die a satisfied man just to be able to taste her lips once, just once, would that be so much to ask for?

Maybe so. 

A few months later, a new school year has started and Eddie’s back in highschool and with her help, he might actually get his diploma, Steve managed to get this job at Family Video, thanks to Robin, he goes to dates almost every day with the week, sometimes with the same young women, until eventually he was disappointed because it’s not quite what he expected, since Nancy broke up with him, Steve's lovelife and self confidence was basically nonexistent. 

He hadn’t realised it at first, because he hated being too introspective, but he was bored and lost, purposeless, at the dawn of his twenty-first birthday, he felt like he didn’t know who he was, who was he really under the façade he hid under from all the wrong influences in his life ? 

His father and his primal instinct to be a shark and possess and control everything in his life in the name of pride and masculinity. Being successful meant money, a good car, good house, good wife, good and successful son. Did he really want that life? 

He had wanted it once, with Nancy, but what would their life look like? Copy and paste his father’s life? No. This, he was sure, he didn’t want to hide in the conformity he was supposed to fall under, he refused to resemble the shadow of himself he once hid under with the nickname “King Steve”. 

Unsure of what his purpose could be, but, he knew he wanted, needed to make meaningful connections, something that makes him vibrate, something that lets him know for sure that he’s surrounded with the right persons. 

He’s found himself on dates, searching for those meaningful connections, excited to branch out, lost in both amusement then frustration of not feeling something and not finding someone. Sometimes it led to his bedroom in the gargantuan house he had trouble consider his home. He had nice moments, but he longed for something more than sex, he longed for someone new in his life, someone freshening up his views on people and life.

The chime in the shop’s entry wakes him up from the quick checkup of his life he was doing in his head, not that glorious he thought, before he forced himself on the task he had started, which was to register the tapes back in stock in the software and control the tapes before he could put them back.

A voice came from the back, one he knew was familiar, but struggled to put a name on until she arrived, accompanied with one voice he knew and would recognise even in the Upside Down, Dustin arrives, greets him and makes a run for the Sci-Fi section, “Don't run, Dustin, something falls you’re cleaning up, I warn you!” 

He hears him say something but he doesn’t listen, instead his eyes focus on the young woman that walked in with the teenager. 

He remembers her, not that vividly because it brought back memories of his past self and immediately he feels ashamed of himself, of who he used to be. He remembers her from highschool, the same grade as him, she was more or less friends with Nancy and Barbara, they had spoken on very little occasions. He remembered she was usually in her own little bubble, not really caring about the etiquettes of a highschooler, even if at that time, he was very attached to that. She knew she was titled as an outcast, having very few friends, being called mean names, essentially by Tommy and Carol and him of course. 

He may have been called King Steve, he was a follower, a sheep. 

He also remembers that Will and Barbara’s disappearing were the turning point in Nancy’s and her friendship, it broke everything, his ex-girlfriend’s guilt and shame being the main culprit, he saw her in the hallways and in some of his classes. She always looked passive, disinterested in any highschool activities. 

With a timid smile, he stood up, her name on his lips, “Were you looking for something?” 

She seems confused at first, because he remembers her name, so what Dustin had told him was true? Steve had changed, and he was in his highest esteem, “No, um— actually I came in with Dustin, I’m paying for the movie.” 

He didn’t have time to say anything else, or apologise, Dustin came back with the movie Alien, excited and handed the tape to Steve, who registered it to her name and their first meeting stopped there, and Steve felt disappointed he couldn’t say anything more but she had to come back to give the tape back, right? Or would that be Dustin? He felt a flash of hope that quickly went away. 

He was right, though. She came back later that week to give the tape back, he thought he would never find the courage to talk to her besides doing customer small talk, but as she was leaving, her hand on the door ready to push, and goddammit she’s about to get away!— “Wait!” 

She stops dead in her tracks, their eyes lock; it starts there. 

Platonic coffee dates turned into seeing movies at the cinema, turned into sharing a plate of fries after a screening of A Nightmare on Elm Street 2, at a diner, hiding in a booth in a corner, loud laughs and giggles coming from them. 

Steve didn't realise it immediately but there was a deep connection between them, with more and more time spent with her, and none spent with the other girls, he realised, this might be it. She might be it. 

He let himself dive into the newness of their relationship, and how fresh and good it felt. 

It’s after a few days of staring down at her lips, whenever she talked, bit her lip or wetted her lips with her tongue that he felt captured by them. 

Then her smile grew on him, it was so contagious he couldn’t help but smile whenever she did, but the worst of it all, that made him understand he was down bad, was that his imagination was betraying him, actually it was worse, both his imagination and free will were working against him as he longed for any kind of opportunity to get up close to her, it was driving him crazy. 

She was driving him crazy with her full, inviting lips that looked chapped from all the time she bit down on them out of habit from nervousness, but none of it mattered because he needed to taste them. He would die a happy man just to be able to taste her lips once.

One time, at the drive-in, he had been brave during the movie to rest his hand on her thigh, her head spun to meet his eyes, their gaze locked in, she smiled at him as she intertwined their fingers, with the lights reflecting on her face, he knew, but he didn’t act on it, yet. 

Driving her back to her house, his hand lingered on her thigh and didn’t move unless he really needed it, he parked and hand in hand they walked to the front door, she turned on the fairy lights on her porch, her back completely leaning on the front door, their hands tangled. 

The ghost of a smile appeared on her lips as she looked at their hands, her head looked up to meet his eyes and her smile widened and shined so bright he mirrored her smile.

He felt it was the right moment, but he was timid, almost as frightened as for his first ever kiss. 

One of his hands travelled to her face gently, his fingertips touching delicately her cheek, his touch glided down the left side of her jaw, he cupped her chin in his fingers, his eyes traveled her face to memorise every softness and curve, the shine and the hope in her eyes, their eyes connected and never left one another's gaze, both so into their moment, their little bubble.

“Can I—”, he started but his voice broke, his fear was sincere, she was sure of that, he was so vulnerable with her. He didn't want to misread, mess up everything they had together, a fond smile formed on her lips and she leaned closer until their noses touched, their eyes closed to the proximity.

“You can always kiss me, Steve,” she murmured against his lips then she lightly pushed her lips on his, it was hesitant on both sides, a very tender peck on the lips, they disconnected quickly, foreheads touching as they took their time to process that they were kissing and they both wanted it as bad as the other. 

His other hand left hers’ and brought her face closer to his, palms along her jaw, and their lips met a second time as they moved in sync, his lips pulled harder on hers’, he grew more confident, comfortable and greedy, he knew, right there and then, that he would never get tired of kissing her. He didn't know if it was love, he didn’t have a clue how to describe it because how the hell does one know if it’s love, but he knew for sure he felt the connection he's been yearning for. 

That night, he left her with a kiss on her lips and her forehead as he wanted nothing more than to hold her close to him. 

And, fuck, he should have seen it coming then. 

Steve started feeling the doubt coming in, it had nothing to do with trust, or the lack of it, but because of the Upside Down, and the lies he would have to make up if —or when— he would have to protect the kids again. He couldn't tell her about that place, about the nightmares he gets sometimes, about why he needs their relationship to be super slow, because if he explains about him and Nancy, he needs to explain about Barbara, Will, and El, and he can't. He fucking can’t.

He cannot invite her in that insanity, he cannot risk her life just for the sake of having her. It starts to weigh on him, shifting between enjoying the laughs, the giggles, the kisses with her and the guilt, the inevitable hurt he's going to force on them.

He feels himself slowing down even furthermore, conflicted. He feels selfish for wanting love and warmth that she provides with such ease. Kisses and caring touches that she gives away so.. easily, feeling so comfortable around him, like she might have found someone who loved her for her, and not for the prize of having seduced her.

She was okay with the slow pace, in fact she was on board with it as she needed it after the last relationship she had, or the lack of it, the result of investing herself in someone who only had the intention of getting in her pants, pain and lack of confidence were the prize she hadn’t asked for but had been delivered to because of this stupid boy.

She truly believed Steve was different, he had matured, he proved it to her every time they spent time together, always so patient, because he didn't set the pace according to her but to them, only explained he didn't want to go fast, he wanted to enjoy the little moments they could have.  Flirtatious moments transformed into make out sessions, lust and longing made it difficult to walk back from it if they were to cross the line.

What Steve didn’t know yet is that she had talked to Dustin, the day they came in together at Family Video was totally by luck —or was it fate?—, it had been raining cats and dogs and she saw the teenager waiting for it to pass with his bicycle. She had proposed to help him out, in honor of old time’s sake, being his babysitter when he was smaller, he remembers he looked up to her and was actually happy to see her. 

Dustin knew Eddie, being a member of the Hellfire’s club, it was full circle, and helping him out that day meant going to Family Video so he could rewatch Alien with Eddie in honor of the sequel arriving soon. 

In the car they had talked, mainly about Eddie, but on their way back, Dustin couldn’t stop about Steve being so much better than he was. She trusted Dustin’s judgment, so she gave him a chance, just to see what could come out. It turned out.. it was going well, right?

Steve didn't want to hurt her and was torn between stopping everything before they spent the night together and keep going because he felt so good around her, he loved being with her, seeing her smile, hearing her laugh. 

He hadn't planned to fall so hard for her, he was so distraught, he felt like he was paralysed, he knew he had to stop it all, but the lust, the longing, the feelings he had for her got him spiralling into an amazing night with her. Remorse ran deep and almost immediately.

He didn't know if he could spend a day without hearing her moan his name so slowly, in a whisper, it drove him crazy. And beyond that, even if he loved the intimacy they had together, he loved her warmth, the goosebumps when he kissed her skin, the horror he experienced with the Upside Down quickly caught up on him. Shallow breaths left his lips as he caught his heartbeat rumble vividly in his chest.

While she was in her bathroom cleaning up, he felt anxiety creep up on him like a shadow crawling on his skin, sharpened claws clawing his chest, goosebumps rising in his body in fear. He caught the shortening of breath and the tightening in his chest as it happened. Flight or fight. 

Flight?

Fight?

Fl—fuck.

He dressed up in a hurry, he grabbed his keys from her desk, messily fixing his hair with his hand when he heard the bathroom's door open, he closed his eyes, cursing himself. 

Flight.

They observed each other in silence, keys in hand, her fingers gripping so tightly the towel she had around her shoulder to provide her some warmth, her body tensed, and she felt like she had just taken an ice cold shower. The glow and the softness in her heart from the aftercare and all the delicate kisses and touches broke away like glass shattering. Her body started shaking from the cold in her house and the shock. 

"You—,” her voice broke, she cleared her throat, but it came out broken, voice coarse, in a murmur she tried again, “You're leaving?" 

The way it came out, it sounded like it destroyed her as she spoke, it’s like saying it had made it real, their chest felt heavier by the second, the tears watering her eyes.

Fuck, he hated himself.

He had trouble finding his voice again, he had to try again too, his voice holding the weight of his actions, "I remembered— I…” 

Nothing came out. He couldn’t lie, nor could he tell the truth. 

“I'm sorry." 

He could hear their heartbreaks, feeling his own sink in his ribcage, he swallowed the lump in his throat, "I can’t do this," he whispered again and held back the tears as he escaped her eyes, walking away from her, from them.

He could hear her call his name as he walked, running down the stairs after him, his long legs got him to his car in a matter of a few seconds, he started it and drove away to his house, his vision blurry with tears as he saw her in the rearview mirror of his car, the image of her, barefoot on the entryway, in the middle of a November night, in only her shorts and tank top.

He saw her tears falling, her hands cupping her face as she sobbed. 

It’s not how it was supposed to go. They were supposed to be happy, tangled bodies wrapped in her blanket, discussing until dawn.

She went back to her room, walking, she was the shadow of herself, her eyes met the mirror she had stuck to the back door of her room, she hated what she saw. 

Instinctively she put on the sweatshirt that’s been sitting on her desk, she hadn't seen it was Steve's, until she realised it smelled like him, she held a fist of material, unsure of what had happened, and how it happened. She was confused at first, dumbfounded by the situation, until she realised she had been taken advantage of, again. 

She hated herself for it, she screamed into her pillow, thankful that the house was empty, no one could hear the cries of despair and rage. She ripped apart the Polaroids she had of them together, getting rid of everything on her desk out of rage, yells coming from betrayal, she ended up sitting on the floor, sobbing, suffocating. 

She felt stupid, such an idiot to think that Steve Harrington could love her, that anyone could love her, that he could have been the one, and that people seemed to only want her for the prize of it, for the pleasure they could get out of it. Like she was some prey for the others to take.

Parked in front of his empty house, Steve couldn't leave his car, he felt so terrible for making her go through this again, even while he loved her so much, he couldn't be with her, and he hated himself so much for it. Shaky breaths left his lips, in one moment of rage the side of his hand hit the steering wheel, yelling. 

Then he started crying, feeling so much shame, so much guilt, like an idiot. The anxiety crept once more on him as he felt difficulty breathing. Another panic attack. That night they both fell asleep in exhaustion, crying themselves to sleep. 

A week after, while Steve was sorting out the gifts he had bought for the teenagers and Robin and Nancy for Christmas, when he fell upon hers’,  he decided to hide it in his dresser, knowing full well he wouldn't give it to her, because they no longer were on speaking terms. 

It had started out so good but had stopped so abruptly.