#// *gas pains are literally my worst weakness

[monmuses]

home from classes due to really bad gas & gut pains (so glad its not norovirus) but im here to write UGHHHH

[futterurl]

Hii do you do angsty smut? I’m craving angst & smut for Josh futturman . Love your first work here btw ❤️

tysm anon i fucking LOVE angst and smut mixed. literally two in one combo. i got u :b apologies if this wasnt what u were looking for!!

WARNINGS: angst, bleeding, pretty graphic, smut (mdni!), oral(f!receiving), p in v, creampie, afab reader

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you clutched your side, agony hitting every inch of your body. getting shot in your side wasn’t how you thought this mission was gonna go.

it was supposed to be simple: have everyone eat the Kronish balls, save the day, yada-yada. in and out. that wasn’t the case, however, when everyone who wasn’t borderline poisoned by the kronish balls turned out to be bionic.

josh wasn’t looking behind himself, not seeing a bionic creeping up to him at a quick pace with a knife in hand. you ran as fast as you could, trying to tell him to watch out.

you pushed josh out of the way, causing the bionic to stab you right in the side. the pain hit immediately, agonizing pain. you doubled over, wanting to remove the piece of steel. you knew this would only make it worse. you had to keep it in, at least until you were able to get somewhere safe.

“shit.” tiger panicked, seeing you on the ground, clutching your torso for dear life. you looked up at her with weak eyes, coughing up spurts of blood.

“gotta. got’ get help.” you tried to speak as hard as you could without exerting too much effort. she was able to pick you up and avoid the bionics, which wolf was going crazy with.

“guys! abort the mission. s’ in critical condition!” tiger yelled at josh and wolf, seeing their expressions drop as they saw her holding you, borderline limp in her arms. as they fended off the last of the bionics, they raced over to see you, crying and tired.

“fuck, fuck, this is my fault, fuck.” josh started talking at 100 miles an hour.

“this is nobody’s fault. someone get a goddamn car and bring us home.” wolf yelled. they all raced over to the car they took, tiger slamming on the gas the second you all piled in, josh now gently bringing you into the back.

“fuck, hurts s’ bad, fuck.” you grit through your teeth, hand bloody from holding onto your side. josh had propped you up against the car window. he kept his hand right on top of yours, whispering endless strands of “i’m sorry” and “this is my fault” through tears. this was the last thing he wanted to do, especially to the girl he loved, even if she didn’t know.

you were so selfless, you took a fucking knife to the torso for him. he owed you his fucking life, if you were okay after this, that is. he was gonna make sure you were okay. he clung onto your other hand and held onto it for dear life.

in just minutes, tiger was stopping the car in front of josh’s house. josh took you into his arms, racing up to his room, flat out ignoring his parents.

he laid you onto his bed, propping you up high with a good amount of pillows.

“i have a first aid kit in my bathroom. go get it. it’s in the cabinet.” he yelled at tiger and wolf. he couldn’t stay one second away from you. not like this.

wolf ran to get it, coming back in mere seconds. he had a wet rag. “we gotta take the knife out and put this over it immediately.” he panted.

“take my hand. this might hurt.” josh offered, holding out his hand to you, which you took into yours with ease.

“one, two, three”

tiger removed the knife, to which wolf covered you with the wet rag. you screamed and wailed as you crushed josh’s hand with yours. you had never experienced that amount of pain in your entire life.

“the worst is over. you did it.” tiger tried to ease your worries, offering you painkillers in the first aid kit wolf had brought.

“fuck. still hurts s’ fucking bad, fuck.” you silently cried. this felt like torture. you felt like you were going to puke.

“can you guys give us some privacy please? sorry, she’s overwhelmed and i know how to help her.” josh said, looking at tiger and wolf. “can you guys go talk to my parents? tell them we’re all good?”

they got the signal. they quickly left and shut the door behind them.

josh looked at you. “fuck, i’m so sorry. this is all my fault. i didn’t want you to get hurt like this, i’m so sorry…” he started to tear up.

you caressed his face. “it’s okay, josh. it wasn’t your fault, nothing you could’ve done. i’m still alive, aren’t i?”

“i know, but it shouldn’t be you with the fucking knife in your side.” he replied. he was really worried about you, his heart racing. he didn’t want you to be hurt. at all. he’d gladly take a knife for you for this to be overwith. for you to not be in any more pain.

“it’s okay, really. i jumped in.” you yawned, starting to get tired.

“okay, okay.” he wasn’t gonna argue with you anymore. “is there anything i can do for you?”

you squeezed his hand. “go to sleep with me for awhile?” you asked in a hushed tone.

nothing would’ve made him happier. he couldn’t be away from you, not now, not ever. he wanted to make sure that you’d be safe. with him. in his arms.

“of course. i..i’ll stay here with you. as long as you need.” he took a few pillows from under you, letting you lay down, he laying down next to you. you cuddled up to him a bit, making him blush. thank god the light was dimmed low.

“thank you…” you drifted off as you muttered those words. josh looked down at you, watching you fall into a deep sleep. he couldn’t keep his eyes off you. even after dying, you still looked so fucking perfect. how?

why would you take a knife for me? he asked himself, over and over. i hate seeing you like this.

the last thing he wanted to do was to see you in pain, and now he saw you in pure agony, on his behalf. he felt lime such a shitty person. the least he could do is lay with you.

he wouldn’t admit that was what he secretly wanted all along. he caressed your cheek before laying his head down, joining you in a peaceful slumber.

.

.

.

you spent the next couple days attached to josh like you two were conjoined at the hip. he was constantly there for your every need, whether that be for water, food, painkillers, anything.

you were healing up nicely. sure, you were still in pain, but it was significantly less than what it originally was. having josh by your side helped a lot.

you two were laying in his bed, when the painkillers sort of wore off. you winced.

“you okay?” he asked, concern in his voice.

“yeah, just hurts a bit.” you responded.

“you need anything? i can get it.” he offered.

“no, josh, really, it’s fine.” josh had been there for you at your every need, you were starting to feel bad. it felt like he was being a servant for you.

“i don’t want you to be in pain though.” he looked lost in thought. it looked like he wanted to say something.

“is there something on your mind, josh?” you asked.

“uh..uh, kind of. you ever have something on your mind but you don’t wanna say it because you don’t know if it’ll ruin something but you really don’t know what reaction you’ll get-” he started to talk faster and faster as he talked more and more.

“josh, we’ve known each other for what, how many years? we’ve talked about anything and everything. you can talk to me.” you propped yourself up to look at him.

he looked nervous. well, he always looked nervous. this time, however, he looked super nervous. something was on his mind.

"i was just gonna say, um, that, uh, i know a way to make you feel better...but, uh, it's kinda weird...yeah." he started stammering over his words.

"what is it, josh?" you asked. did he just bite his lip?

"i...i could make you...y'know..." he looked from your face down to your body, back up to you.

"make me what?" your heart started beating ever so slightly faster. might he be alluding to...?

"i...i could make you...make you cum. i know it's not a painkiller or anything, but it might take your mind off stuff. it's stupid, i..i should stop talking now. i shouldn't have said that. it's stupid. i'm sorry-"

you cut him off by putting your hand gently under his jaw and kissing him passionately. you started to grasp at his hair, holding it in fistfulls.

once your lips disconnected, you started breathing heavily. "josh, i'd love that. please. really." you never thought he'd ever ask you to do anything like this.

"really? am i dreaming?" he asked, rubbing your forearm gently.

"no. please, josh. make me feel good." you pleaded. now that the idea was out there, you were dead set on this. you didn't want anyone but him.

he got on top of you, starting to kiss your lips, your cheeks, your jawline, your neck. everything. it felt perfect. you could already feel your focus on your pain being subsided to this.

he lowered himself, settling in between your thighs, rubbing your hips. he held the ends of your shirt.

"can...can i see how it's doing first? just to check? don't wanna make it worse." he played with the hem of your shirt.

"yeah, yes. do it." you responded.

he lifted up your shirt to your ribcages, examining your bandages. it still looked pretty nasty, but it had certainly healed a lot since a few days ago.

"fuck...i'm still so, so sorry. i really am." he started to get a bit teary eyed while tenderly rubbing the skin by your bandages, careful to not get too close to where it would hurt.

"josh, really, it's okay. it happens. please. i don't want you to feel bad about this. it really is okay." you scratched at his hair.

"okay, okay...m'sorry. lemme make it up to you." he pressed a kiss to your stomach as he unzipped your shorts. he pulled them down slowly, not wanting to make your body jolt or be in any more pain that it was already in. he lost his breath, looking at you in just your shirt and panties. he still couldn't believe it.

"you...you okay?" you asked.

"y-yeah. i'm great. just...can't believe this is happening. you're so beautiful." he lay his head on one of your thighs, giving it a light kiss. that made you shudder. you didn't realize your thighs were that sensitive.

"thank you, thank you..." you started to mumble, becoming a bit nervous.

josh sensed your nerves. "you know, you don't have to let me do this, if you don't want me to. i know it's very up and personal."

"no, i really do, it's just...i'm just...nervous, is all. just...go slow please." you asked.

he played with the hems of your panties. "don't worry, i'll go as slow as you need." he pressed a kiss to your hip bones. "would you...would you mind if i took these off?"

"please. take them off." you were starting to get desperate.

he slowly eased them down your legs, getting a glimpse of your glistening pussy. he felt his eyes widen.

"can i...can i make you feel good?" he asked, pressing a kiss on your pubic bone.

"please, josh. want you to make me feel good so badly." you were practically begging at this point.

he lowered his head just a bit, propping himself truly inbetween your thighs, licking a stripe up your slit. you shuddered, new to the sensation. it felt weird, but in a good way.

"that feel okay?" he asked.

"yes, josh, for the love of god, please...more." you begged.

his tongue rested on your clit, rubbing it with the wet muscle. this sent shivers down your spine. it rubbed back and forth on the tiny area. you let out a moan, back starting to arch off the bed.

"shit...feels s'good josh, oh my god." you moaned, him drinking up your moans.

his lips attached themselves around your clit and just sucked. this sent all sorts of waves of pleasure through you. you pulled at his hair as he sucked at your clit. he ran his tongue in circles around the sensitive bud. had he ever done this before?

his tongue ran down your cunt, entering your tight hole with a moan from you. his thumb snuck up to your clit, not giving it a break as he rubbed tight circles around it.

"feels t' good, holy shit..." you were becoming putty in his hands as he tongue fucked you.

"you taste s' fucking good." he moaned into your pussy as his thumb became even faster around your clit, using your slick as lube. "love every part of you, fuck."

it didn't help that he was practically groaning into your cunt as he went down on you, letting out little whimpers and moans into you.

he heard you start to get louder and louder. he knew you were getting close to your release. his head went back up to your clit, giving it even more stimulation.

"josh...so close, oh my god..." your hips were starting to slightly buck up into his mouth.

"i know, pretty girl, not gonna stop until you cum down my fucking throat." he pleaded, urging you as he sopped at your clit, constantly hitting the bundle of nerves. your thighs got tighter around his head.

"i...oh my god...i think i'm gonna..." you started to pant hard, getting lost in the pleasure.

"c'mon. let it out. cum in my mouth. please. make me happy and cum on me. wanna make you feel so fucking good." he said in between licks.

one of them in particular make the tight band forming in your stomach snap, you finally getting that sweet, sweet release as you moan incoherent babbles to josh, as his tongue slowly eased at your cunt.

once you came down from your high, he started to rub little circles around your hips again. "you okay?" he asked.

"fuck...that was really fucking good, josh. oh my god." you panted as he peppered your stomach in kisses.

"good, m' glad." he rubbed the skin close to your bandage. "did i do anything to make it hurt any more?" he asked, worry etching on his eyebrows.

"no, it's all fine...i feel really good right now." you looked down at him, his face a mess of saliva and your slick. that was hot.

"good." he came up a little bit, you getting a peak at his erection standing through his pants.

"do you...do you want me to take care of that?" you asked, alluding to something more.

he caught his breath. "uh..are-are you sure? i know you just...y'know. you sure you want to?"

"please, josh. i want you to fuck me." you had never felt so desperate than you did right now. you needed him.

"i don't know if this is gonna hurt you. if it does, tell me and we're done." he said, getting out of his pants, his erection standing up in his boxers. your eyes widened. you couldn't believe he was going to be inside you.

"thank you josh, i will." you pulled him in to a kiss, your hand traveling down to his boxers, lightly gripping at his clothed cock. he let out a whimper.

"that feel good?" you asked.

"yes, fuck yes that felt good. but this is about you, not me. gonna make you feel good again. promise." he pulled away as he swiped down his boxers, freeing his girthy erection.

he positioned himself, sitting up on his knees, pulling one of your legs over his shoulder, alligning his cock with your dripping cunt. he ran his tip over your clit, you both shuddering.

"i..i'm gonna put it in now, okay?" he asked for permission, hands gently holding onto your hips, careful not to hurt you with the pressure. "i'll go slow, i promise."

"please." you whimpered.

he pressed it at your entrance, his tip slowly going inside you. he let out a shudder as he traced his thumbs back and forth on your thighs, trying to ease your nerves.

"fuck, oh my god. only have the tip in but it feels s' fucking good. you're so tight. fuck." he started to become a whimpering mess.

he slowly pushed his hips forward, entering you even more, at such a slow pace to make sure you weren't in any pain. sure, you had done this before, you told him, but it had been some time since. the last thing he wanted to do was make you hurt down there too.

"put the rest in josh, please." you whimpered.

he obliged, slowly bottoming out. all the sensations hit him at once: your tight, sopping cunt squeezing his cock. he knew he wouldn't last long.

"god, you're so tight, holy shit, feels so fucking good." he wailed, praising you as he caressed your hips. "you good?"

you nodded. you felt so full, it felt amazing. he looked at you with care and concern, like you were the only person in the world right then. it was perfect. he was doing all this for you.

"please start moving. feels good." you pleaded.

he nodded furiously, taking an experimental thrust into you, to which you both moaned out to. he was constantly letting out strings of "oh god" and "fuck" into the room as he started to grip your thigh.

he started to get into a motion, him pistoning in and out of you at a quick pace. your tight gummy walls pulled him in with every thrust, his cock hitting every sensitive spot inside you with every thrust.

"oh my god, you feel so good. love this pussy so much, holy shit." he was practically worshipping you at this point as his hips drove into yours, you letting out moans in response.

one of his hands found itself at your cunt, his thumb starting to bully your clit in tight circles, you letting out a loud moan in response.

"josh, getting close, oh my god. fuck!" you pleaded for him. his thumb around your clit started to move even faster as his hips drove into you, hitting every spot.

"gonna cum soon, please cum with me." he pleaded in between moans, hips moving even faster. you broke down into a moaning mess as you felt another orgasm coming.

"you're so hot, holy shit. wanna fuck you like this forever. wanna get lost in this pussy. please. want you to come on my cock over and over again. shit." he let out rambles as he started to reach his peak.

these words let you to your second orgasm, your cunt becoming even tighter around his cock as you moaned as loud as possible, yelling his name. your cunt squeezing him made him come undone, cumming inside you.

he kept thrusting into you, riding out both of your highs, until you came down. he put your leg down, him slowly pulling out and laying down on you, being careful to not lay down on your bandage.

"that...that felt so good josh, oh my god." you started to play with his hair and rubbing his back.

"good. m' glad. i really wanted to make you feel good." his head lay on one of your breasts, paying attention to your breathing pattern.

"you..you really helped. i feel really good right now. thank you." you squeezed him into a hug.

he put one of his arms around you, enjoying the warmth of your body. "i'll always be here for you, i owe it to you. i'll stick bt your side, no matter what.

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a/n: womp womp sry if that was kinda mid (im a loser if u couldnt tell)

[jinxxedmisery]

I did a quick little sketch (by quick, I mean it took me like 2 hours lol) I still struggle with feet and shoes...

I just saw a pose on pinterest and thought omg, what if Astarion and my tav... but he's biting their thigh 🤭

Ofc, I had to name it.. thirst... and I added the "Happy" symbol to kind of cover a sketch I did on the same page... You know... it wasn't originally supposed to be just one piece, I was practicing poses and I liked this one way too much to just leave it or risk messing up when I redrew it.

This is entirely self indulgent.. and intended to be Spawn Astarion because he's so babygirl 🥰😘😍

🤣 also I don't think I posted but I got through the Cazador fight not too long ago.. and

Spoilers and dumb ramble ahead:

For most of my day, I sat there wondering how the fuck I would beat that bastard... he was one shotting Shadowheart with his fucking lightning bolt, then sending his gas minions after the survivors. Astarion being in the ritual made it 10× more difficult.. so... I cheated... and fuck... It should have been obvious...

I LITERALLY FORGOT FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY THAT VAMPIRES ARE WEAK TO SUNLIGHT.. I blame Astarion and his parasite as well as Alucard for that one honestly.. the day walker thing kind of made me forget that omfg immunity to daylight is an exception, not the rule..

So I felt stupid.. once I got that, it was so much easier.. oh and almost constantly had Astarion in stealth kill mode until Cazadick was gone.

Also side note.. the VA for Cazador is perfect.. Like they really sells the "I'm a pathetic little worm, and your worst nightmare, fear me while I bitch and cry" LOL and again that's a compliment.. Larian really succeeded in making an evil character extremely grating and hatable which again, a good thing, not a bad thing.

The heartbreak I felt though afterwards when Astarion screams and cries.. God.. the second I got to this scene, I KNEW I couldn't let him ascend, doing so would be so cruel.. and yes.. this is ascended Astarion slander, I don't like my men too domineering.. maybe a little bit, but not enough to like kill innocent children and eat their hands or some shit lmfao (Doing a durge run too.. where I'm going to ascend Astarion and be a horrible bastard that eats babies) and I don't like that he loses the genuine feelings he has for tav/durge and becomes what he sought to destroy, an abuser.

Now.. the graveyard scene... I had tears in my eyes.. Honestly, the reason I love Astarion so much is because he is quite relatable. I will not go into detail, but I was.. SAed and abused as a kid. And honestly.. Seeing the bit where he scratched out his death date, made me feel hope.. for myself... For my own healing.. it truly meant so much seeing another survivor of abuse begin anew, find themselves again... even though I have done that already myself for the most part, I've found purpose, passions, love, heartbreak, etc and I've found some level of beauty in the life. I related quite a lot to the line about sex feeling tainted.. I am at a point where it no longer feels as terrible, I feel genuine enjoyment in it... (Can't do casual sex though.. That would trigger me into a ptsd attack) And I think part of that was letting myself go at my own pace, making sure my partners knew, and having control and the ability to consent and revoke consent at any point. Emotional attachment helped a great deal too.

I've rambled on enough.. but... Let me end this off by saying, If you went through unspeakable horrors at the hands of those who you thought were supposed to protect you, You are not alone, Even if you do not see it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel, keep on living, keep trying to find joy in little things. It does get better, what was done to you was horrible and you did not deserve it. I promise, you will see better days. You will be happy again, even if you feel like the pain will never end, there is always moments of calm.... live for those... live for your pets, live for your friends, the people around you, live for that cute thing you just ordered, live for that movie or TV series you're excited about watching... even the next patch for bg3.. or more Astarion content if that's your reason right now... and take it one day at a time. You will be okay.

If you need to vent out some shit, I'll listen, I may not know what to say or be able to offer comfort, but I will always lend an ear, even to a total stranger if they need it.

That's all from me, goodbye, until my next post.. whenever that will be ❤🖤❤🖤

[beesmygod]

hey bea how's your body recently? still busted?

better! how genuinely thank you for asking. i genuinely do not know what i would have done if i did not have the circumstances to just fucking rest for 3 months (i'm trying to get back in oct!). or "rest"because all i did was think about all the work i wasn't doing lol. also the weather FINALLY actually getting hot fucking saved me. i felt like my toes were getting frostbite in 70 degree weather

this shit all sounds so dramatic so like. bear with me: instead of the pain being Fucking Everywhere All The Time and at least 2 of my joints hurting at any given moment, it's now once or twice a month for an hour or two at most. none of my joints are swollen or red anymore. my fingers and back are much less stiff (seriously holy shit lol). my hip doesn't pop and snap against the ligament anymore (do you guys know what i mean by this. i guess i just assumed it the ligament. like its very nearly painless but loud and feels weird).

my worst bits are still my right knee, wrist and my hands and its my hands that bother me the most. doc said even if it was palindromic rheumatism (IT IS!!!), there's nothing they can do to treat it that isn't already available over the counter. which like fair. i don't want to be on immune suppressants in order to draw faster lol but i'm also kinda cagey about taking a pill every day that isn't good for my liver when i can just bitch about it and ignore it.

i'm mostly just relieved its not like my fucking joints breaking down already, or an autoimmune severe enough to require intervention. there's a semi decent chance it stays that way. its something that's annoying to live with but my life isn't any different than it was before.

but having an explanation for it that makes sense (trying to find literally anything that fit the one very specific symptom of "joints swell and return to normal within minutes/hours/days without medical intervention" was insane) just fucking. helps. i don't feel like so much of a crybaby bitch any more. i thought i was in constant pain because i was weak and sickly and did something to myself. instead its just like "oh no it just does that. you know how it is".

the status is: my body is still busted but in a way where it still works if you flood the gas so there's no sense in throwing it out yet.

[howdoidecidethjs]

-they are literally afraid of NOTHING, you cannot even jumpscare them, ‘I live in Gotham’ is their response every time

-always have whatever you could possible need in their belt. You think your request is too strangely specific? Wrong, it’s there and they have spares.

-can and will sass any rogue or villain that comes their way. Worst threat the world has ever seen? They have to run their mouth and now we’re in a worse mess (they will claim that it was all part of the plan though which is even more concerning)

-shared memories? Like if you do a mission with Red Robin, somehow Black Bat and Nightwing…also know everything about it? Spoiler and Robin constantly remind the League about their mistakes on all their missions together and she was DEAD at the time like???

-their rogues all kind of love them? Like Riddler is so happy to see the bats because he knows that he’ll get a decent game out of them but if he sees the league it’s like ‘dodge my death ray if you can ig’. Ras al ghul is literally part of the family. Catwoman and Harley Quinn too. Red Hood.

-weird and random facts that they should NOT know. Favourite food? They know it. Your eleventh birthday present? Yeah that too. Your workout routine? Obviously. Nuclear launch codes? Give them five minutes.

-do???they???feel???pain??? They regularly get shot and thrown against walls and generally hurt and the league is like how are you standing right now?

-immunity to literally every toxin, fear gas, and mind control. Between their will power, fear of disappointing Batman (yes including Batman), sheer desperation not to embarrass themselves in front of the JL (or get called weak by the family), and exposure to GothamTM, it just doesn’t work.

-every one of them thinks they could single handedly take down the JL. They wouldn’t because they have more important things to do, but they could. This is most terrifying because the JL knows that they are just regular people in masks but like…what do they know…do they have some secret weapon…what are they planning…

Reasons why the rest of the JL believes Batman and all of his children are metas/cryptids

-Weirdly good instincts

-They only see the bat and kids at night

-Hasn’t died

-If they have died, they came back within the year

-The JL has seen all of them at one point or another stay up for 96 hours straight and act semi-normally

-One time Batman was stabbed and started bleeding green(it was slime Bruce packed for kids to play with if they were at a crime scene)

-Red Robin didn’t cry while watching A Dogs Purpose for Young Justice’s movie night(he did, the mask hid his tears)

-They all know an absurd amount of Golf facts

-Somehow none of them age

-All of them are friends with a super

Wonder Women has the list and they update it after every mission.

[manallandall]

Do we speak homo erectus or neanderthal "him do it far monea" or "heuith greppenshuit" (he dom fet ca sib) he does it for the cash grab vietnamese. That's just words, but the core language of ha ha is the same between them, then monkey is common and humans and monkies are the same rawgsfffskil? that guy had good skill with killing me or swordsplay. so homo erectus confirms the human his mother, but if neanderthal loves his mother - what like homo erectus, then he confirms erecutus decision probably because that bitch was a real mommy daughter pair. So everybody is like in a holding pattern to land, because they are like that was a fun time learning how to read and right, what's my name again because they forgot the last little 900 miles of the monad due to overwriting. and then they take that logic and do fun monkey stuff with it meaning men being women's slaves and whatnot. Not just launching viruses into a gas cloud in the middle of the universe? because? stable diffusion? Well, guys basically did confirm women because technology is so flexible it is a whore, and they went big on those numbers, so all that is left is for her to say "what the hell", i guess because his devilworshiping is so weak, if he doesn't suicide by kill his pride in the worst way possible as soon as possible he'll die for sure at least he might save a shred of his dynomite. so then he has all this logic and she gets raped by it (meaning orgasms to think, i was just a cell, why is this shit happening but it's cool sure alright i'll take a bite) and that was "logical graphs" this time, and now we know why we shouldn't worship satan (make a logical lie that if you beleive as if it were the global opini0on of the pack thus activating emergency mode whence clear gives opiod releivf connecting the nuclear accumbens directly to the frontal cortex and now he can go off in any direction (towards distruction and literally not care, hoping to smile, if the "feeling of energy" was real, or the actual energy, but he dies before he finds out and maxed out the old version - to kill it off? but his son got older and soon he is just trying to kill god to use logic for the dino as the loop gets tighter (actually less orbital energy). soon a single point, and a binary decision are devil worshiping men a source of population continuance? pain and pleasure, war disease etc will bring down a system that was not for us, it was from a rando lie that can rando hurt and not converge - just linked facts to enslave (him excluding all others, and having sex with her to make her a whore to pretend she confirms.). Here ye here you fuck you to the maxi (a little joke for the men with sheaths)

[jodilinbio]

Each day Tom returned from work, stopping at the mailbox on the way to the motel to tell me the card still hadn’t arrived, was heart-wrenching. I felt increasingly doomed, out of sorts, physically weak, and emotionally drained.

By Wednesday the 10th, the card still hadn’t come, and we were facing the reality of returning to the streets. The thought of just one day back out there was terrifying—multiple days felt unbearable. If we’d had a camper or even a larger, more comfortable vehicle, it might have been different. But even if we could live forever in our truck, we’d still need money for food and gas. Plus, we needed to shower.

Wednesday was the worst. I literally felt like we were almost dead. I truly believed life as we’d known it was over and that we’d done all we could to try to save ourselves. Lying in bed, trembling and crying while he was at work, I told myself, “Face it, there’s no getting out of this one. You tried your best, but you can’t fix this. Your time’s up. It’s time to focus on the positives of dying—like how you never did want to grow old, arthritic, and get diseases.”

Through teary eyes, I wrote a note to be copied for both our families by whoever might discover us. I explained that while neither of us wanted to die, and while it angered and frustrated us to know that our lives depended on a lousy piece of plastic, people do need money to live. I urged them not to be sad or mad, and to remember that there are as many pros to not living as there are to living. I left login details for my online journals, stories, and photo albums, including information about storage and mail locations. I asked that my friends be contacted as well.

It was the hardest thing I’d ever written, fully believing we’d be gone in a matter of hours. We had agreed to take our lives that night after Tom made one final phone call to the debit card company to get access to our money. The moment he hung up, exhausted and frustrated, I felt true, heart-sinking despair.

We planned to go together just after midnight on Thursday, like a real-life Romeo and Juliet, figuring that anyone around us would likely be asleep and wouldn’t hear anything. We intended to be as quiet as possible, sealing ourselves in the bathroom with tape along the door edges and vents, hoping the room didn’t have a carbon monoxide detector.

That evening, lying in bed while Tom watched TV, I imagined our tombstones. I pictured the dates and wondered where we’d be buried—not that it mattered, but I was naturally curious. Would they separate us, sending me back east? Or would they bury us together in Arizona or California?

I missed Tinkerbell like crazy but was glad she wasn’t there to go through this with us. I also realized I was afraid to die—not so much because of a potential afterlife, but more from the fear of whatever pain I might experience on the way.

I glanced at the clock: 7:15.

Next came the guilt. I felt I wasn’t a strong enough influencer and feared I was pushing Tom into something he didn’t want. Yet, he promised me we were in this together no matter what and would not let me go alone. Neither of us wanted to live without the other, even though neither of us wanted to die.

Then, sadness and anger surfaced over all the small things we wouldn’t get to experience if I couldn’t figure something out, and quickly. I didn’t care if I never got to expand my doll collection, but I wanted to see Tom do what he loved. I wanted to live to listen to my stereo, to see my dolls if I didn’t have to sell them, to hang my wind chimes, to learn Italian, and to finish my stories.

At that moment, I realized dying was easier said than done. While I still wasn’t sure if we could make it, a stubborn urge to fight and survive came over me. I thought of what I’d do differently if I managed to escape this mess.

Desperate to survive, I knew there was one last option, though it was a long shot and slightly humiliating. Thanks to my impeccable memory, I remembered Mary’s number in Phoenix.

Surprisingly, she accepted the collect call, maybe out of concern that something had happened to Tom. Knowing she wouldn’t help us directly, I asked her to contact my parents in Florida, who didn’t accept collect calls. I explained that our phone charger had accidentally gone into storage, leaving our phone dead. While she didn’t offer any personal help, she agreed to make the call and asked what was wrong.

After hanging up, each minute felt like a dozen as I waited, hoping for the best. If no one would help, we’d have to proceed with our plan of ending our lives. I couldn’t endure this emotional rollercoaster much longer—it was too agonizing.

Then, the phone rang. Both my parents were on the line. I explained our situation as best I could, though I was shaken and they, in their mid-70s, weren’t as sharp. Initially, my mother said $100 was all she could spare due to medical expenses. I wondered if they were downplaying their finances, but I also knew how tight Social Security could be. She then told me about her own health struggles, including a recent surgery after years of smoking had cost her part of one lung, and that she’d had breast cancer surgery too. Despite her faults, it was sad to hear.

My parents did far more than just help. They saved us, covering two nights at the motel and sending $300 to get us through.

By Saturday the 13th, I saw a glimmer of hope, though we weren’t out of the woods yet. We had two chances: transferring funds to the new debit card or receiving the old one.

Since we hadn’t been able to go online due to his desktop’s lack of an antenna, Tom rigged a makeshift one. Online, he attempted to transfer half of the funds on the old card, now up to $850 with two paychecks, to the new card.

What Tom never told me, likely to keep me from panicking even more, was that the card probably wouldn’t come until Monday the 15th. Instead, he told me it could arrive any time.

The suspense was agonizing as I waited for Tom to get off work on Monday. The moment he called to tell me the new card had finally arrived, I felt the true meaning of “relief.”

I wrote a detailed letter to my parents, explaining why we left Oregon, the issues with the debit card, and our goals. I also asked them not to share our contact info with Larry or Tammy, as I didn’t wish to reconnect with them. At that time, I only provided our postal address, withholding our phone number, and skipped the email since they hadn’t had internet access for years.

In her reply, my mother promised she’d never share our address and assured me we didn’t need to repay them. She never expressed love, though, either by phone or by mail.

I was grateful for their help, but I was also faced with a tough decision. I had to ask myself if my gratitude was worth having them back in my life. After all, their help didn’t erase the past, and I knew that reconnecting would likely bring old cycles back. I reminded myself of why I’d walked away from the family drama. I’d rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I’m not, and I had no desire to engage with people who’d struggled to accept me as I was. I decided to keep things simple by sending a letter every month or so. I continued until six months went by without a reply from them.

It seemed they’d made the decision for me, and I’ll admit a part of me was relieved, suspecting they thought, “We helped her, and now she’s on her own again.”

To this day, I’m still unsure why my folks chose to help if they weren’t interested in a relationship. Perhaps they felt that, while they didn’t want to know us, they also didn’t want to see us starving on the streets.

I went to bed that night with a full stomach, knowing our room was paid for a week. I was no longer afraid to dream.

Eventually, we found ourselves out in the country, but not without another six months of struggle. Once we could finally access our money, we were briefly ahead, but it didn’t last.

My stomach took a month to recover from the poor diet we endured during the worst days. Each day, I prayed for life’s necessities and guidance toward a peaceful place to live.

Near the end of the year, a few months before we found our current rental, I noticed that my dreams never took place in apartments. Despite thinking an apartment would be our only option, I wasn’t haunted by apartment nightmares.

Toward the year’s end, things began improving. Tom transferred to the second shift, allowing us more time to search for rentals during the day. My wins started to pick up too, and I hit it big. I won a 32-inch flat-panel TV, multiple $100 gift cards, cash, shopping sprees, a $500 check for a cleaning tip selected by Clorox (plus a year’s worth of cleaning supplies), and a Yamaha Rhino ATV! We hoped to sell the ATV for a few thousand, though we doubted our chances of getting a house with our imperfect credit.

In January 2008, we learned we’d receive a cash equivalent for the ATV, which thrilled us. Plus, we expected a $1,000 IRS refund in May. For the first time, we had enough money to fulfill our goals: finding a decent rental and a reliable used car. But there was a catch: we had to wait nearly three months for both the nine grand and the $500. Once again, we nearly lost everything. The stress of waiting for them to write a lousy check was agonizing, and we had to pawn more things, including the TV. Just when I doubted we’d ever get the money, both checks arrived in late March, finally offering a glimpse of light at the end of our long tunnel.

Tired of noisy neighbors, a faulty AC, and a leaky fridge, we moved to the room next door. The new room felt like a fresh start.

Tom found a 1994 Ford Taurus wagon for $2,500 after taxes and licensing. It felt amazing to drive a fully legal car. The constant anxiety had been a huge burden for him. Whether it was prayers or just luck that kept him from getting pulled over, we were grateful.

Looking back, things could have been worse. The truck could have been impounded or broken down before the big check came. But I didn’t miss that old, uncomfortable truck, which Tom described as reliable to the end.

That night, with the new car, I realized all we had left to do was find a decent place to live.

That night, I drifted into sleep, dreaming of floating through the woods.

Since the check was so large, Tom could only cash part of it initially. It took a couple of weeks to access the full amount from his usual check-cashing place.

About a week before he withdrew the remaining funds, I dreamt of living in a house with significant space around it. I peered through binoculars at a house a few hundred feet away, its interior warmly lit but empty of people. I wrote it off as wishful thinking when I awoke.

Just after midnight on April 5th, Tom found an ad online for an old single-wide trailer in the tiny town of Auburn, 30 miles east of Sacramento. The secluded, country setting intrigued us. However, the ad lacked contact info, so Tom notified the site.

[trashytummiez]

Leon + Bad Curry = Bad Times

I made this fic based off of this emeto pic of Leon that an amazing artist @squidbiscuit made.

https://squidbiscuit.tumblr.com/post/638970356221247488/more-pukey-leonjust-because-it-looks-good-on-him

Pukey content is not really my thing, but I love nausea, burps and comfort and I got the idea based off that picture of Raihan who I ship hard with Leon, having to comfort his nauseous boyfriend.

It was hard to tell if Leon was groaning or if that was his stomach, but either way, to Raihan, it sounded sour and unpleasant.  The two of them were in bed together, they’d long since eaten their dinner but something clearly wasn’t sitting right for Leon.  His stomach was especially noisy all night, but Leon kept trying to insist to his boyfriend that the curry was just hotter than usual, but Raihan knew that wasn’t true.  He ate the same curry and his own stomach wasn’t bothering him.

Leon’s bare back was turned to Raihan, maybe so he could try and stifle the worst of his gurgling stomach.  But for as intense as their rivalry was when they were trainers, as lovers, Raihan was a very tender and loving boyfriend.  He wrapped his arms around Leon’s hips and gently tugged him close.  His hands rested against Leon’s stomach, which did feel a little bit puffier than Leon’s normal, firmer six-pack felt.  And with his hands wrapped around Leon’s belly, Raihan could feel it churn intensely under his fingertips.

“That sounds awful,” Raihan frowned.

“Hulp, feels awful,” Leon mumbled which was completely out of character from his normally charismatic and confident way of talking.  He groaned some more when his gut gurgled so hard that it made him actually recoil in bed with a groan of pain.  

“Hope you don’t have a bug,” Raihan said with concern.  He tenderly rubbed Leon’s belly to try and calm it down.  He was careful as possible, rubbing slowly and gently, as if barely drifting his fingers across Leon’s oddly warm middle. 

Leon shivered, both from pleasure but also from a wave of nausea hitting him.  He swallowed hard but tried to relax.  It was not an easy thing to do.  In fact, his belly was giving him such grief that tears were starting to form from the corners of his eyes.  

Raihan grimaced when he heard and felt that stomach gurgle such a painfully acidic-sounding bubbling.  Leon’s gut was churning a storm and it wasn’t doing him any favors.  But he needed to be there for his boyfriend, so he kept trying to calm Leon’s belly down, rubbing it with more focus.  His palm ran side to side, swaying Leon’s stomach slowly in a hope of dispelling the cramps.

Leon’s cheeks puffed for a moment and he blew to the side.  He did it again and groaned.  It was like a cross between burping and exhaling, but his stomach was just too hitched and tightened for anything to come up the right way.  Leon gently rubbed his aching belly alongside Raihan and groaned to himself.  His stomach felt unpleasantly heavy, even though he usually ate way more than he did that night and tended to feel just fine.  The sickness was literally weighing his gut down, making it feel like it was heavier than it actually was.  

He wanted to burp so badly and try and get some of the pressure out of his stomach, but it was such a mess in there that every attempt made his gullet lurch, like something else was going to come up with the residual gas.  

“Oolph, mrph, feels awful...”

“Shhhh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Raihan insisted gently.  While one hand continued to gently caress Leon’s belly, the other drifted higher and started rubbing Leon’s broad, athletes chest.  He exhaled shakily, like the rubbing against his bare chest was helping to ease his throat a little.  

They laid in bed together with Raihan wrapped around Leon’s backside.  He rested his chin against Leon’s shoulder and hissed his neck affectionately.  Raihan was trying to comfort Leon as best as he could, rubbing that grumbling stomach up and down to his underbelly, just before his boxers waistband.  

Leon hiccuped deeply while his stomach bubbled even more aggressively.  He covered his mouth and hiccuped again.  This time, his belly hitched, like it was tied into a knot.  

“...O-Oh crap...f-feels like...”

He hiccuped sharply again.  Suddenly, Leon sat up from the bed, holding his mouth with one hand and grabbing his aching belly with the other.  Getting up so fast was a mistake, because it caused what felt like a wave in his stomach splashing against the front of his belly.  And that kind of nausea was just too much to stomach a second longer.  

With a look of panic in his eyes, Leon rushed out from the bedroom in only his boxers and rushed to the bathroom.  He hugged the toilet and spat into it, whining some more.  Raihan frowned anxiously and got up from the bed, shirtless but wearing sweatpants.  He headed over to the bathroom and found a whimpering Leon hugging the toilet bowl and hiccuping repeatedly  They were these wet, lurching hiccups.

“Hic!  Hic!  Ooooh God...hic!  Hic!”  Leon whined, hiccuping again and again.  Until a sharp hiccup turned into a rolling belch.  “HiccuuuuUUURRRP!!!”

And with that wet, rumbling burp, Leon spewed the contents of his stomach into the toilet.  Raihan recoiled with disgust, hearing Leon vomit intensely into the toilet.  In truth, Raihan was really sensitive to that sort of thing, always getting sick himself at the mere thought of someone throwing up.  

But seeing Leon so vulnerable, he instead held his long purple hair up, keeping it from sinking into the toilet and rubbed his back gently.  “...Th-That’s it, l-let it out,” Raihan tried to assure Leon without sounding too grossed out.  He wasn’t doing a good job.

When the contents of his stomach stopped spewing out of him, Leon huffed in a breathless fashion.  Since he’d already thrown up, he didn’t bother being delicate.  Instead, Leon grabbed his belly and pressed into it firmly, then let out a really deep, rumbling burp.  Leon huffed, then gulped down some air, so he could force it back up in the form of an even larger and louder belch, which he let out right into the toilet, making it reverberate forcefully.  

As soon as that gross but impressive burp ended, Leon lurched and let out a third burp, this one a really wet, disgusting-sounding belch.  And with it, a stream of vomit spewed out of his mouth as he lurched his head into the toilet and puked profusely.  Raihan clenched his eyes shut, trying hard not to think about it while he kept rubbing Leon’s back.  He was doing his best not to breathe right now, but thought it might be a tad insensitive to start spraying the place.

By the time the bile stopped expelling from Leon’s mouth, he felt utterly dazed.  He almost slumped against the toilet itself, spitting into it a few more times before moaning with exhaustion.  

“...OoooOOoooh man, that was awful,” Leon mumbled, flushing the toilet and spitting into it again with a pained whine.  “...I’m s-sorry...”

But Raihan just rubbed his back some more and gave it a few gentle packs.  “Don’t be sorry.  I hate seeing you so miserable,” Raihan said gently, while still keeping his hair up.  “Do you at least feel better?”

Leon nodded weakly.

“...Did you get it all out?”

With a weak huff, Leon massaged his churning stomach firmly.  “...Don’t know...stomach feels less-hurp-gurgly, but...Huuuuurrrp!!”  Leon burped into the toilet and thankfully, this time, just air came up, but it was the kind of burp that sounded like more than air was coming, especially when Leon started whining even more, almost sounding like he wanted to cry.

Raihan sighed but despite that, rested his hand on Leon’s shoulder.  “Well, until you get it all out and feel better, I’m right here.  And I’m not going anywhere.”

Leon weakly blinked a few tears away and finally said, “...L-Love you...”

In spite of the unpleasantness, Raihan smiled softly and brushed Leon’s long purple hair away from his face and caressed his cheek.  “Love you too...”  His face soured a little though.  “...In health and, ugh, and in sickness...”

[foxyreacts]

The southeastern united states contain the Atlantic Plain. The ground is made up of sand and clay and it consists mostly of wetlands and marshes. It's also densely populated by humans, and over the last 300 years, we've "cleared" a lot of it away. Thing is, when you dig up the marshes to build, you dig up the network of roots and plant life that keeps the ground together.

The towns are gone because the ground can't hold itself together. The earth was swept out from under them with the storm surge. If infrastructure still exists in those places, there's no telling what kind of foundation, if any, is left under to support it. There are likely huge pockets of empty space under anything still standing. Those power trucks weigh 7.5 tons; even if the roads were clear enough to drive on, it would be exceptionally difficult to do so SAFELY.

It's bleak. The next several weeks are going to be a slow roll out of just how extensive the damage is. Even worse, a hurricane of such magnitude will set off a chain of related disasters: tornadoes will be more common, flash flooding will lead to mud and/or land slides and sinkholes are gonna open up where those air pockets are.

Here is NOAA's guide for hurricanes. Unfortunately there's not much you can do to after the storm, but this guide goes over any information you might need.

However, since the storm is over, the most important advice I can give you is

STAY OUT OF THE WATER

Nearly HALF of fatalities happen after the storm itself, and many of them happen from going into the water.

Here's my incomplete list of things that will kill you:

Natural gas lines may have burst. Be aware of smells like rotten eggs

Waterborne illnesses, including flesh eating bacteria

Water moves. Currents can sweep you away, just like in the ocean

I don't care if you're Michael Phelps, you WILL drown if you try to swim

There is no way to tell how deep water is by looking at it; what looks like a puddle could be 12 feet deep. By extension,

TURN AROUND DON'T DROWN: the old adage for driving after a hurricane. Don't try to drive through water. Above bullets STILL apply when you're in a car

Fire ants.

Yes, really. When it floods, fire ants form a massive ball like in the ant bully and float away to safety. If you touch a floating ant island, they will swarm you. Looks like this:

Stay away from any and all animals. I know you feel bad and want to help, but

1, you can't even help yourself right now; the fuck are you gonna do with a raccoon?

And 2, animals will kill you. out of stress, out of hunger, because of disease, out of fear

Rabies. As far as you are concerned,

ALL ANIMALS HAVE RABIES

Every strange mammal is now a zombie who wants to infect you and doom you to the same fate

Literally, rabies is a neurological targeting virus that attacks your nervous system and brain

Rabies is a TERRIBLE and PAINFUL way to die

If you don't get immediate treatment after exposure, you WILL die. Full stop

If you experience ANY rabies symptoms it is too late for treatment and you will die

Here's what your death will look like:

First you have the worst flu symptoms of your life and nerve damage

Then it attacks your nervous system, and you will either have

Furious rabies: aggression, seizures, hallucinations, facial paralysis, hydrophobia, aerophobia, delirium

Or Paralytic rabies: weakness and paralysis that slowly spreads from the infection site to your whole body

Then you go into a coma

And then you die

Thank you for your attention. Try not to die.

I think they’re underreporting the sheer amount of damage Helene has caused. Entire towns are gone. 50 confirmed deaths already. Down power lines everywhere. Emergency responders are swamped. Stoplights are out. There’s a down live power line at the bottom of my mom’s mountain and the sheriff is like “yeah, I know. we called the power company and they’re not going shit.”

[arpmemething2]

The Master/Missy Sentence starters

Quotes from the Master/Missy from the Doctor who used as sentence starters.  Send one for my muse’s reaction.  A few have been edited slightly to take out names and/or make them more generic.

"He keeps trying to kill me. Sort of our texting. Been at it for ages."

"Listen, listen, listen, listen. Every minute, every second... every beat of my hearts. There it is. Calling to me. Please listen."

"I've just been executed.  Show a little respect."

“ You're about to have much bigger things to think about. I told you before that everything you knew was a lie. Well, now you get to face the truth, with me at your side. “

"Give us a kiss."

"What the hell are you up to, man?"

"Now then, I've got a planet to run."

“ Wake up. I know you're broken, but it's all over now. “

"This is not an exodus, is it? More of a beginning, really, isn't it?"

"You did this to me! All of my life! You made me! One! Two! Three! Four!"

“ When I said "someone" did that, obviously I meant... I did. “

"Without hope. Without witness. Without reward... I am your friend."

"I've got some requests.  I want some new boots.  Some toys, like a particle accelerator.  A 3d printer and a pony."

"I'll scratch his eye out."

“ I do believe you're appealing to my better nature. And we both know I don't have one. “

"You do not understand hatred as I understand it.  Only hate keeps me alive.  Why else should I endure this pain?"

"I need my friend back."

"Never, never, never, never. Never dying. Never dying! Never dying, never dying, never dying!"

“Give a good man firepower, and he'll never run out of people to kill.“

"This country has been sick, this country needs healing, this country needs medicine – in fact I’d go so far as to say that, what this country really needs, right now, is a Doctor.”

"When I arrange for your death, I expect you to stay dead. "

"You could take the usual precautions...sticky tape on the windows, that sort of thing."

"Envy is the beginning of all true greatness!"

"You can't do this! You can't do...IT'S NOT FAIR!"

"Sorry sorry, I have this effect, people just get obsessed. Is it the smile? Is it the aftershave? Is it the capacity to laugh at myself? I dunno, it's crazy!"

“The human race… Greatest monsters of them all.”

"How sanctimonious is that?"

“Have you seen these things? This planet is amazing! Televisions in their stomachs, now that’s evolution.”

“Oh my giddy aunt. The quiet ones are the worst. “

“Oh, don’t be disgusting. We are not animals. Try, Nano-brain, to rise above the reproductive frenzy of your noisy little food chain and contemplate friendship. Friendship older than your civilization, and infinitely more complex.”

"Want more. I want cheese and chips, and meat and gravy, and cream and beer, and pork and beef, and fat, great big chunks of hot, wet red!"

"Believe it or not, we were at the academy together."

"Armies are for people who think they're right"

"Though, didn't you used to be a woman? I'm gonna be a woman, fairly soon. Any tips? Or maybe... I don't know, old bras?"

"Nobody could be more devoted to the cause of peace than I!"

"You know, I should shoot you in a jealous rage. Now wouldn't that be sexy?"

“ Please, try to keep up. Short for "Mistress" “

"How many times have you died?"

"Would it help you focus if I extracted some of your vital organs and made a lovely soup?"

“You don’t smell half as bad as you think you do. “

"Oh my giddy aunt.  The quiet ones are the worse."

"You can't miss him. He's wearing yellow trousers and a vulgarly coloured coat."

"Did you never think, all those years standing beside me, to ask about that watch? Never?! Did you never once think, not ever, that you could set me free?!"

"I only need two things. Your submission and your obedience to MY WILL!"

"You make it sound like an invasion."

"Oh, the way you burned like a sun, like a whole screaming world on fire. I remember that feeling, and I always will... and I will always miss it."

"It's where we've always been going, and it's happening, now, today"

"Life is wasted on the living! "

“ Ooo, you look rough. Or is that a choice? Don't mean to conversion-shame you. “

“You know the best part about knowing? Not telling you! “

"Before we start all that, I just wanted to say: thank you. Thank you, one and all, you ugly, fat-faced bunch of wet, snivelling traitors."

"What's that in your pocket."

“ And spend... the rest of my life, imprisoned, with you? “

“Let the work of government begin “

"You remember all the people I've killed? Every day, I think of them all. Being bad... being bad. I didn't know I even knew their names. You didn't tell me about this bit."

“I’m in no hurry, I’ve got all day. And I’m not going to kill you until you say..something…nice.”

"Everything we were told was a lie."

"I'm going to kill you in a minute."

In 24 hours, the human race as you know it will cease to exist.

"You know the key strategic weakness of the human race? The dead outnumber the living."

"I always dress for the occasion."

“Take my hand or I turn them into tiny human dolls right here. “

"You see, you're my intellectual equal.  Almost.  I have too few worthy opponents.  When they've gone I always miss them."

"Won't you show mercy to your own ... ?"

"You made it. I hope my boyfriend wasn't too mean to you."

“It’s a gas mask.”

"Ooh, nice little game of hide and seek, I love that! But I'll find you"

"That's because I locked it, idiot!"

"I have suffered long enough from your stupid, stubborn interference in my designs! Now we are coming to the end of our conflict"

"All or nothing, literally! What a glorious alternative!"

"This body was born out of death; all it can do is die."

"Okay, cutting to the chase. Not dead. Back. Big surprise. Never mind."

“This should be SPECTACULAR!”

“Have you seen these things? This planet is amazing! Televisions in their stomachs, now that's evolution. “

"No! No! You can't destroy me! I am too strong for you! I am too strong for you!"

"To do my will shall be the whole of the law!"

"No! You must be mad! Why with this, we could control every galaxy in the cosmos! We could be Gods!"

[ask-anti-cosmo]

The Return of Anti-Cosmo part 3

Part 1 Part 2

You hung the girly costume in your closet, thinking you’d give it away or modify it for Halloween. Small arms wrapped around you, making you try to swat at the owner.

“Aw, you missed me!” Anti-Cosmo grinned. “I’ve repaid my debt and can now roam as I please!” he said, sounding a little too pleased with himself.

“Good for you. Now how does that ‘We’ll go our separate ways' thing sound?” you huffed.

“Aw, come now! Surely you've come to like me a little.” He poked at you with his wand.

“Knock it off! You’re more like an annoying little brother!” you said and walked from him.

“I can be big if I want to!” he said as his body morphed into the shape of an adult human male. You tried not to look impressed and went to the fridge for some blood. “See? More like a hot step-brother.” He said and winked.

You glanced back and sighed. “Fine, I’ll give you that.”

“So…you know what it’s like to have a brother I take it? Did you have one?” Anti-Cosmo asked.

You shot him a mild glare.

“Come now, I’ve been open with you, now it’s you’re turn!” he insisted.

“Fine, yes I had a brother. Lost him to Polio.” You huffed.

“Polio huh? Let’s see, the vaccine was made in 1954, so your brother passed away before then~?” he asked.

“What’s with that tone?” you glared.

“Just trying to figure out your age~ not simply ‘decades’ old are you?” he teased.

“Neither are you Mr. Centuries!” you huffed.

“Want to know a secret? I’m the youngest Anti-fairy in existence.” He stated proudly.

“What?? Are you serious?” you frowned.

“Indeed, an Anti-fairy can only be born when a fairy is born. Ever since my counterpart was born and destroyed countless cities and lives, the fairies ban themselves from having anymore children. We’re all immortal anyways so it’s not like having more offspring is too terribly important.”

“So you’ll never have kids?”

“Never.” He concluded firmly. “Even if I did want children, it’s not up to me. And my counterpart would be the last fairy alive they’d choose to have the first baby in centuries.”

“Huh…that’s sad.”

“If you knew him you’d know it’d be for the best.”

“I know you, and I can tell you certainly don’t deserve children.”

“Sticks and stones darling. Now then, it’s time to go find the one who put me in that safe.” Anti-Cosmo said and cracked his knuckles.

“You’re going to find her?” you asked eagerly.

“One turn deserves another “ he said and poofed up a spinning grindstone wheel and sharpened his wand against it for a minute.

“…I’m going with you.” You said.

He looked at you surprised. “I thought you didn’t care about me.”

“Well maybe I want to congratulate her.” You said sarcastically. “or learn her secrets.”

“Perfect, so do I. There is no way she could have known all of that information of my weaknesses just from what her grandmother knew. I never even told my doll about butterfly nets! Ooh, and maybe if she’s still alive, I’d see her too…” he grinned wickedly.

“She’d be an old lady.” You told him.

“No doubt, I’m used to that fact.” He shrugged. “I could easily make her much younger in an instant anyhow, so either way it doesn’t matter to me.” He said, swinging his wand slightly.

“That easy huh?” you asked in surprise.

“It would be easier to have an extra drink of blood.” He said, looking at you expectantly.

“No way bozo, you’re as dumb as your counterpart if you think I’d agree to that.” You folded his arms. His eye twitches at the insult.

“I need some kind of payment for you coming along to my revenge plan, it takes magic to teleport things to other places you know. Think of it as gas money.” He said and held his hand out to you.

You glared at his hand then at him again.

“Let me have some blood or you get to stay here while I go after the *beep* who locked me away.” He glared back, now looking impatient.

“Well look who got all entitled after I saved you from said safe.” You snarled. “for someone who preached about equal exchange, I haven’t received much thanks other than unwarranted touching and mocking.”

“Oh sweet summer child…” he said and your blood suddenly went cold. Not just a shivering feeling, your blood literally felt cold, as if it was freezing, slowing and hardening. Anti-Cosmo’s wand glowed with a vicious darkness. “What makes you think I owe you anything after you bit me?” he asked.

“I-if you hold you o-own b-blood in such high reg-gard…” you shivered before leaning forward and biting his arm, breaking the skin through his sleeve. The black shimmering blood escaped his flesh and tingled in your mouth, soaking his clothing.

He stared at you with amusement. “Well, you can’t deny now that we’re even. But if this is what it takes to avoid hurting your pride…” he shrugged and pulled his arm and your face closer before biting your shoulder. You grunted, unused to the sensation and started to feel light headed as your blood warmed and ran into his mouth. You started to struggle and bite harder, but he only laughed at you.

He took one last swallow before letting you go. “There now, I have my payment and you didn’t have to agree to it.” He smirked.

You let go of his arm. “That is not how deals work!!”

“You bit me, so I assumed it was fine to bite you back. What else was I supposed to assume?”

“Listen here you-“

“Magic for blood is my deal you asked for magic, so I took my payment.” He frowned and folded his arms. “You took my blood for releasing me. That made us even. Now that you’ve asked me to use my magic to help you come with me, it’s a deal.”

“Then hurry and finish up your end!” you growled, rubbing your bite mark.

“Nobody likes a whiner.” He huffed and waved his wand, making it glow darkly like it did before.

You felt your feet remove themselves from the ground and fell in a fancy old house. You stumbled from the strange Sensation of being picked up and set down magically. The house looked as though it was starting to be neglected, as if there was a single maid to do everything and wasn’t keeping up. The fact it was night didn’t help with how scary it was looking either.

“My my it has been quite some time~” Anti-Cosmo mused and began to walk around. “Looking a bit more haunted than I remember, but it no doubt belongs to my doll.”

“Does she still live here?” you frowned.

“Hmm…” Anti-Cosmo grinned and started to walk across the floor towards the stairs. He began to step upwards with a rhythmic sway and started to hum for a minute before beginning to sing.

“Places, places, get in your places~ throw on your dress and put on your doll faces…” he chimed, dancing up the stairs in a dancing manor. “Everyone, thinks that you’re perfect, please don’t let them look through the surface.”

He made it to the top of the stairs. He kept stepping to the beat of the song he sang so creepily, his voice echoing through the haunted halls. “Picture, picture, smile for the picture~ Pose with your brother, won’t you be a good SISTER?!” He yelled the last word and you heard a loud shriek echo through the house. You both could hear a set of footprint run from upstairs.

Anti-Cosmo giggled softly and motioned you to follow him. You swallowed and followed him up to a hallway with a room at the end. Inside the room, you could hear a woman crying and another comforting her. Anti-Cosmo grinned cruelly and became to sing again as he walked down the hall slowly.

“D-o-l-l h-o-u-s-e, I see things that nobody else sees. D-o-l-l h-o-u-s-e, I see things that nobody else sees.” He sang creepily before opening the door. Inside was a grown woman, comforting an old lady with hair curlers and lots of scars on her neck. They looked like bite marks, from a child sized mouth. “Hello again, my little doll.” Anti-Cosmo grinned wickedly.

The old lady whimpered at the sight of him, shrinking away and trying to hide behind the younger one.

“You…I buried you in the ocean, how are you here?!” the younger woman said.

“Ah yes, well this lovely dear freed me. We have a lot in common you see~” he said as he touched your face. You slapped his hand away.

“Knock it off you creep.” You huffed.

“I have never called you back…go away, I don’t want anything from you…” the old woman sobbed.

“Yet you send your lovely grand daughter to hunt me down and disengage my interaction with human lives?” he frowned.

“I did not send her…”

“I went on my own! Grandmother told the stories of everything awful you did! Creating worst problems than what she had before you came! You are an evil creature that doesn’t deserve life!” the younger woman yelled at him.

“She knew the price when making a deal with the devil.” Anti-Cosmo yawned. “What do you think, does granny deserves another life? I certainly think so, she used to have the most perfect porcelain face…” he said before waving his wand.

The grandma suddenly began to grow younger, but not just that, you noticed her skin began to shine and her eyes gloss over, looking more and more like a real ceramic doll.

“No! Leave her alone!! I’m the one you want!” the younger woman insisted. “I trapped you!”

“Indeed you did.” He glared and waved his wand at her. Her arms were suddenly chained down to the floor. Walls of a safe began to enclose around her, making her panic. They suddenly stopped.

Anti-Cosmo stepped closer to her. He waved away the safe wall that was in front of him so he could look her in the eye. “How did you know my weaknesses?” he glared. “You knew with too much exactness, and I never told your granny such things. Not even most fairies know as much as you did.” He glared and pointed his wand at her.

“I…I tried to Summon you.” She admitted. “Granny said you were everything opposite to Fairies, so I looked up ways to Summon fairies and…did the opposite of them. I even did it on a Friday the 13th…”

Anti-Cosmo narrowed his eyes. “Clever, but obviously you didn’t succeed.”

“Actually I did, just not in summoning you.” She said and hissed in pain as the chains around her arms tightened. You felt pity for these two women the Anti-fairy tormented and tried to think of a way to get AC off their backs.

“Who did you summon?” Anti-Cosmo hissed. “NAME THEM.”

“Ah…Anti-Binky…” she whimpered.

You almost laughed at the silly sounding name, but seeing the rage in Anti-Cosmo’s face got ride of that feeling. “He told you how to imprison me?!” he asked angrily.

“H-he said to pick a Sunday the 7th…that you’d be the most weak on that day, and to be sure I was your only target…to have the safe lined with butterfly netting and to keep your wand far from you…”

You started making mental notes of said weaknesses just in case. Especially with the plan you decided to put in place to save these two.

“I see…” Anti-Cosmo said before stepping back. “Well then, I know who to go for next. That little boil have been seeking my crown for centuries.” He huffed. The walls of the safe around the younger woman began to close in around her again.

You decided to start your plan.

[residentlesbrarian]

The Second Book I Read In the Dark: Another YA superhero novel for me to squeal over forever...YES, Please! Gimme Gimme!

Dreadnought by April Daniels

So Day 1 in the dark continues onward and I have already finished 1 of my 3 library books with still so much day left so what else to do but soldier forward and continue without pause. Well there was a short pause for delicious chicken soup cooked on a blessedly gas powered range (never gonna live in a house with an electric range; I swear this thing has saved our butts in so many power outages), but I digress; I was ready! This time I was taking a break from the whimsical and witchy and diving head first into all things super with an extra heroic twist. 

I had heard so many good things about this book for so long but again it had fallen to the wayside of other distractions (a rainbow montage of movie and TV show gays runs back and forth through my head like the migrating fandom flamingoes). What finally made me make the decision to buckle down and do the thing was a video review done by one of my favorite YouTubers, Dominic Noble (Video Linked below). I love his series Lost in Adaptation, because as an avid reader I too find myself appalled by what Hollywood often does to my favorite books. Hearing him talk about Dreadnought was just the push my flighty brain needed to say, “Fine! Alright! We haven’t utterly obsessed over a teenage superhero book in like 6 months since we near bludgeoned our girlfriend with Not Your Sidekick! Fine! Let’s do it!” So...yeah if this intro is anything to go by this should be a fun one! Let’s dive right in shall we!

Unicorn Rating:

Blurb: She just wanted to paint her toenails in peace but then a superhero had to go and die and give Danny the one thing she never thought she’d have...her proper body. Now if only everyone else felt that way too. Life just got awesome and really really complicated all at once! Oh yeah and she can fly now. Bonus!

Disclaimer: I will try my best to not spoil anything from the book, but my book loving rambles may give more away than a traditional review. Here we go! Ramble time!

Review: 

Holy crap! After the last book this was exactly what I needed! This book was just...so good! The plot...the characters...the world...everything about it just pulls you in and doesn’t let you go. Now I may have felt that way because I didn’t have anything trying to pull me away from this book but I don’t think I would have been easily pulled away if there had been distractions. And so many facets of this story were things I didn’t expect because I had never seen them portrayed before. Like the fact Danny having to deal with the rampant day to day sexism of being a woman now that her appearance matches who she really is. I’ve never seen that in a book before and I absolutely loved it! I was so dedicated to Danny’s story from page 1 it’s ridiculous, and look at that, a perfect segue into the phenomenal characters of this book...look what I did there switching it up going out of order on ya...gotta keep ya on your toes.

Our protagonist Danny is such a phenomenal example of a genuine kind caring person who is also deeply scarred and angry. It was so amazing to read a character that was flawed and struggling and doesn’t see how much a hero she really is and the small moments when others take that double take and go, “You’re the real deal, huh?” But those moments just confuse the living hell outta Danny cause she’s just Danny, she got super powers as a fluke. She is also hilarious and courageous and smart but knows she isn’t perfect and has weaknesses. She may be the strongest person on earth physically now but she acknowledges that that isn’t everything someone needs. Danny is such a good bean, but she has issues and that isn’t glossed over which is so rare. Now the next thing I want to touch on is a very tough subject but is very prevalent in the book so I wouldn’t be a very prudent reviewer if I didn’t bring it up. Danny is, without question, an abused child. This isn’t even really a spoiler, it alludes pretty heavily to it in the blurb, but what I’m gonna touch on next does dip into that territory so I’m gonna break it into a new LONG paragraph so just scroll on by if you don’t want to read this bit.

So at one point in the book Danny mentions a health screening at school that revealed she had hearing damage in her right ear that has now been healed by the mantle of Dreadnought. At the time of the screening she didn’t realize why until her dad had another Mount Vesuvius day and she assumed her usual position of curling in on herself and turning her head to the left so he would yell into only her right ear. Now how loud and how often do you have to yell into someone’s ear to cause permanent hearing damage? I don’t know and honestly I don’t want to know. Why am I highlighting an overall tiny moment...because for me this moment jumped out and gut punched me. Brought literal tears to my eyes. Tears of pain. Tears of rage. Tears of hate. I’m a weepy bitch when I get emotional. I’ve read a lot of books that try and portray abuse and how Daniels wrote Danny’s abuse from her father took my breath away because it felt so real. There weren’t really any good days, there were bad days, there were really bad days, but most days were just anxiously waiting for the next bad day, because Danny knew there would always be a next bad day. Something that did surprise me was my feelings about Danny’s mother. I knew going in I would hate her father, before even meeting him I hated him, but her mother, that was a hate that lay dormant until it exploded onto the scene and froze me to my core. I’m not gonna get into my own demons here but there is one thing I cannot abide by and that is people turning a blind eye while someone abuses another. Danny’s mother is the textbook definition of someone who “goes along to get along”, she will do just about anything to keep the peace, but at what cost? Instead of protecting her child from someone who literally screamed so long and so loud at her child that it damaged her hearing she just sat back and let them. That’s not the worst though, no, after Danny’s transition her mom seems to be understanding of the fact she is happy being a girl and is buying her things she needs like bras and undeniably feminine shoes, only to reveal it was all to keep Danny docile so she wouldn’t cause more fights with her dad. That to me is unforgivable. Not worse than the abuse of the father, but still undeniably selfish. She never cared about Danny or listened to her and what she was really saying. She just didn’t want there to be anymore fighting. Well I’m sorry, but sometimes, as a mother, you should fight to protect your goddamn child when someone is hurting them. The last thing I’ll say before going back to the more spoiler free and fun part of the review is that the fact Danny can never make herself say she is being abused hits so close to home for me. As a reader looking in from outside, there was a scene with a member of the Legion that I felt like, as an abuse survivor myself, I was standing there begging Danny to accept her invitation. To get out of that house. To get away from her father. To see what he was doing for what it was. But I knew she wouldn’t, she wasn’t ready, and it broke my heart to watch her fly away.

Anyway moving on from all that heavy stuff lets talk about other things like some freaking superheroes and one particular vigilante. We have the Legion members: Doc Impossible, Valkyrja, Magma, Graywytch, Chlorophyll, and Carapice. Now How do I want to talk about these characters...in what order...hmmm...how about from best to worst. Okay? Okay. Great! 

I freaking love Doc Impossible! She is a character that from the moment I met her she gave me ‘kookie grandma’ character vibes and I get DOWN with kookie grandma characters. Now I know she isn’t a grandma character nor is she particularly crazy in the way she acts; it's just a vibe I get from her that I love. Now one thing I do want to say without spoiling anything is how Doc is one of the few characters that never tries to take away Danny’s agency in everything that happens around her in all this superhero craziness. Danny can always be her own person and most importantly a kid around Doc, and I feel Danny really needed that. I will stop myself now because I could go on for hours about Doc and how much I LOVE HER!

Next up we get a two for one, Valkyrja and Magma. We don’t see much of them but what we do get is pretty good. They are adult superheroes who have their own priorities surrounding what is going on with Danny, but aren’t mean or cruel and seem to genuinely care about Danny. Valkyrja is funny and surprisingly down to earth even though she is basically a scandinavian goddess of sorts. Also the hilarity of her being Danny’s long time celebrity crush never gets old. Oh Danny, you useless little lesbian. Magma is a precious big hot boy that seems like he’d give good hugs. Yeah, that's about all I got to say about him that won’t spoil anything. 

Now we have another two for one with Chlorophyll and Carapice. These two I'm between dislike and indifferent on.  They weren’t outright mean to Danny but they treated her more like a means to an end or down right refused to acknowledge she was the new Dreadnought whether they liked it or not, but we didn’t really get to see them enough to really learn more about their motivations. 

Finally to round out the Legion we have Graywytch. Excuse me while I get this out. *Exaggerated throat clear.* First of all, Imma slap that stupid robe of ya stupid head. Then Imma stab you with your stupid fancy atheme you like to wave around all the time. And don’t even start on your “Typical male, always resorting to violence” shtick, cause guess what, I’m a ciswoman and I still wanna stomp a mudhole in your ass. And for that...Imma slap your dumb bird too. *Deep breath in. Looooooong exhale.* Sorry about that. Mama had to express some rage. I have never had a hate-sink character that made me feel the fiery flames of rage quite like Graywytch...obviously. Her treatment of Danny had me gripping the book tightly and growling about slapping birds and “shanking bitches” more than I should probably admit. She is one of those characters that I love how much I hate her. She served the exact purpose she was meant to and it was never cast in a light that she may be right in her treatment of Danny, we are always aware that her mindset is ridiculous. Like the fact outside of her parents Graywytch is the only character to blatantly deadname and misgender Danny. To go off on a small tangent here I may relate too much here because I have a younger brother who is trans (don’t worry he is fine with me discussing it in reviews and such) and I went to a graduation party when my best friend graduated medical school and he was out to the family but not extended friends yet. After only referring to him by the proper pronouns for so long at home hearing the wrong ones caused legitimate eye blinking record scratch cognitive dissonance for me. I had the same feeling anytime Graywytch opened her stupid mouth and blatantly misgendered Danny. Because the way this is written Danny is Danny, she is exactly who she is meant to be. Suck it Graywytch!

Okay, I know you probably want to hear about the plot I know, but we have one more character we have to talk about and that is Calamity, the rootin’-ist tootin’-ist vigilante that ever did come through these here parts. Sorry, I have to talk like this now, it’s part of the persona, you have to commit to the persona. But real talk, I absolutely love Calamity as a look into “graycapes” and the real dive into the world of superheroes beyond the big heroes. We get to see how someone who doesn’t have the backing of the Legion goes about helping people, the little people, those that maybe the Legion way up in their tower can’t see from so high up in the clouds. And y’all know me, I love a morally gray vigilante with a heart of gold.  She had me at “You wanna go capin’?”

Now obviously I couldn’t get enough of the characters but the plot was pretty darn good too. It was so intricately woven in with Danny and her inheriting the mantle from the previous Dreadnought that she had no choice but to be an integral part of it. Now I obviously don’t have as much to say about the plot as I did the characters but know if you come for the plot you won’t be disappointed. It kept me guessing and threw me for an absolute curve ball at the end that I did not see coming! You won’t be disappointed.

So final thoughts...there isn’t much more I can say without going on an hours long squeal fest about how much I freaking loved this book and the characters and the intricacies of how Danny’s powers work and how she was written and how she interacts with different characters and just everything that would mean massive untakebackable spoilers! So I will end on this note; Danny is a character that it would have been easy to lean into the superhero aspect and let the reader forget that she was trans, but April Daniels didn’t want that. Danny was gifted the easiest transition in the history of the world. What takes most people years of HRT and surgeries and therapy Danny did in the passing of a mantle, but it never took away the fact she is and always will be trans. It was a unique reading experience that I have only been blessed with once before but that’s a story for a different review on a different day.

Queer Wrap-up: I would give my left kidney (that’s my good one btw) to give this book five unicorns, but alas I cannot, a one off conversation in an elevator hinting that a certain improbable doctor may have a one sided thing for a particular sadly straight scandinanvian god being is just not enough to count as additional rep. As much as I love this book, and I love it A LOT! We only have Danny as our queer rep and she is fantastic rep and our protagonist so a 4 unicorn rating was a no brainer on this one. Danny is the kind of trans rep I want to see more of in the world of books, YA and otherwise. Being a trans lesbian is a huge part of her character but she gets to do so much more than that in the breath of the story and that’s what I look for in great representation, so Danny easily earned these 4 unicorns on her own merit just being her amazing self.

Links: 

Goodreads

Dominc Noble’s Review

Alright so...this one got long. Ah hell, I ain't gonna apologize for it! This is a damn good book and I wanted to get my fangirl squeal on y’all. 

Oh no, I think I’ve been thinking about Calamity too much I slipped into the persona without meaning to! This book was just far too much fun to read to the point I started reading it out loud with a full cast of voices (hint: the Calamity parts were my favorite) because it flowed so well and was genuinely so funny at parts and heart wrenchingly sad in others and so action packed the next moment. I finished this book in less than a day and if I had been more present and not under a pile of blankets and wearing a headlamp I might have thought to keep a timer to tell you the exact number of hours it took me, but alas know it didn’t take me many. 

So the adventures reading in the dark continue on to the next review after this one but as always if you want to read this but don’t want to spend the money without knowing for sure you are going to like it, go to your local library. You’d be surprised what they have on their shelves just waiting to be discovered. Trust me, I’m a lesbrarian.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Top 5 GOOD Things About Season Two

Oh, season two... how you hurt me so. 

Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about this game-- S2 of TWDG is my least favorite of all five games. I could probably give you a top TEN things that I hate about season two, but... while I don’t love it, I do believe that there is good to be found in it. That’s what I want to discuss today. 

I did have some help brainstorming ideas for this list, so big thanks to @pi-creates, @kaylee-wolf, @taurusicorn2400, and @daisystarss for bouncing ideas around with me! :D

5. The Lee dream sequence.

This scene is super well done. The only reason that it’s so low on the list is because I tend to forget about it due to all the bullshit surrounding it. It usually isn’t until Arvo shoots Clementine that I remember Lee’s gonna show up and make me cry. Then he leaves all too quickly, and it’s back to the Kenny/Jane bullshit train. 

But pushing aside the shitshow, I love this scene. Of course, emotions are all over the place seeing Lee again given the state he was in at the end of s1. Plus there’s something about seeing baby Clementine again after being an older version of her that gets me. 

Their talk is interesting, too, calling back to your choices about Lilly and Carley/Doug, plus discussing Duck being bit. The part that’s always stood out to me, and I’m sure everyone else, is when Clementine asks Lee why people do the things they do.

And Lee’s response is one that doesn’t just apply to s2, it applies to several characters over the course of the series: “Clem, people don't always make sense... 'Cause bad things happen to everyone. And it's hard to keep bein' yourself after they do.”

As the conversation goes on, he also says, “Well, it's not like math, Clem. Sometimes there just isn't a right answer... but part of growing up is doing what's best for the people you care about...even if sometimes...that means hurting someone else.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“...It’s not that easy.” 

Ugh, it’s so good. It ends with Lee asking what he can say to make Clementine feel better, and it really just hurts because y’know it’s not real, y’know that Clementine’s dreaming all of this and Lee’s going to go away.

Overall a powerful scene that gets me every time. 

4. Clementine walking through the snowstorm

Okay look.... I adore this scene. Everything about it. 

Like okay, we have the stupid bullshit that is Kenny and Jane being literal children in the truck, then we nearly crash. Kenny leaves to look for gas, Jane gets Clementine to drive which dumb idea Jane and she crashes. 

That part sucks, but then the actual greatness begins. Jane runs off with AJ, and Clementine’s left alone with nothing but her gun as she begins her walk through the terrible blizzard. 

It has such a sense of loneliness to it-- hearing Clementine shiver and walk around calling out for help before going silent, the song ‘It’s Out There’ that plays while the wind whips and whistles, and then seeing all the frozen walkers standing around like statues really gives you a sense that something terrible is going to happen. It’s this weird calm before the storm kind of thing that also happens to take place during a harsh snow fall? if that makes sense? 

It’s a beautiful scene but it’s also sad, y’know? Sad because once again, Clementine is all alone. She’s been through so much bullshit, and this bullshit train isn’t even at it’s final stop. She’s alone, she’s still injured from when Arvo shot her, she’s gonna freeze to death if she doesn’t keep moving, she has no idea where the fuck Kenny, Jane, and AJ are, and just... it’s a lot. 

But damn it, it’s so good. 

3. AJ is born

AJ being born is one of the best things to happen in S2, and not just because AJ is a super interesting character himself in S2 or even what his being born does for the story. 

If AJ wasn’t born here, then we wouldn’t have had him in TFS where he finally got to become this compelling character and player in the overall story. Don’t get me wrong, his birth does bring an cool aspect to S2 when you willfully ignore how the hell he’s managed to stay alive and healthy the entire time.

Not only that, but we get to see the start of Clementine’s relationship with him. It doesn’t matter what choices you pick, Clementine shows time and time again that she cares about AJ. She nearly breaks down when she believes he died in the snow before the Kenny and Jane fight, then cries again when she discovers he’s alive. 

I enjoy the big sister aspect they went with for Clementine [it definitely beats ANF’s mom nonsense] and I like the growth it shows with her relationship to Rebecca as well... even though that could’ve been written a lot smoother. Rebecca just kind of does a 180 and they blame it on pregnant hormones which.... eh, okay sure. 

For all it’s flaws, this season gave us the start of AJ and I can’t hate it for that, y’know? 

2. Carver is a pretty great antagonist

I like Carver. I think he’s a great antagonist and I really wish they hadn’t killed him off as early as they did.

I find him to be a fascinating character study, y’know? 

From the very beginning, even before we get to physically meet him, we’re told that Carver is a threat. The cabin group are running from someone, and we can easily put the pieces together that Rebecca might be pregnant with his baby rather than Alvin’s.

Then we actually get to meet him when he comes to the cabin and it’s well executed. From Sarah having a panic attack at seeing a glimpse of him through the window, to his friendly and charismatic nature, to the way he talks to Clementine and just... it’s unsettling.

He’s clever, and he knows that Clementine’s covering for the cabin group, but he’s trying to trick her into giving him info. I also hate how smug he gets when he finds the photo of Sarah, but then he just looks at her, and asks, “You have no idea who these people are, do you?” or whatever and just... something about that, y’know? 

Then his “You have a nice day,” as he leaves and you know he’s coming right back with more people, so the group has gotta go. 

Then of course comes his later scenes where he shows up with his people to the lodge, murders Walter while saying he didn’t want to do it but Kenny left him no choice, and he can possibly murder Alvin if Kenny keeps shooting which is a huge holy shit moment because of how Rebecca reacts. 

Ugh, y’know just the way Carver talks to Rebecca and is so matter-of-fact about the baby being his and how he justifies his actions. Like, we can’t forget Reggie and how Carver threw him off the roof only to turn around like “I liked Reggie, he was chill, but he was weak.”

I dunno man, it’s super well done!

I truly believe Carver could’ve gone down as the best antagonist in the series if the writers hadn’t killed him off so damn early to make more room for Kenny to become the new antagonist of the season. Ugh.

I don’t even have an issue with how he died, either. Having Kenny kill him the way he did makes sense and it’s brutal, it was just premature.

Anyway, Carver’s pretty great. One of the best parts of S2. 

1. Clementine 

I mean, are we really surprised? Clementine is what makes this game playable. She’s the best written, most consistent character [which I know is a bit iffy because we do make choices for her but ya get me] and her growth over the season is the most compelling compared to the other characters. 

Hell, of the four Clementine’s we get across the series, this Clementine is my second favorite! She’s fantastic! 

I also love how self-aware she is that her group is just a bunch of morons and she’s gotta do everything around here, but then the same group underestimates her time and time again even though she’s proven herself to be the most competent. 

And on top of that, she goes through so much bullshit. Right from the start, Christa’s still cold to her after what happened to Omid and the baby, then she gets separated from Christa and nearly drowns in a river, then she comes across a dog that attacks and nearly killing her, forcing her to fight back which kills the dog, and then when she finds some decent people, she passes out and this group thinks it’s a walker bite because their “doctor” is incompetent. They lock her up in a shed because ??? so she has to break in and steal supplies to sew up her own arm, which she does and you feel the pain of it the whole way through, BUT THEN she gets attacked by a walker and has to fight it off before the dumb dumb crew come in to help her. 

And that’s just the first part of episode one. 

It’s like the writers were like “Hey, let’s torture Clem so that we can get easy sympathy points from the audience” and then dialed it back a bit because if you look at some of the initial concepts for this season... oof.

But really, S2 in a nutshell is basically “Clementine does anything and gets punished for it.” 

However, it’s not all bad and a lot of it does make her story all the more interesting as it progresses. She goes from a young girl who needs a group to survive, to a survivor herself who is capable of taking care of herself and those she loves. 

This part pertains to my personal ending for this game-- So, by the time we reach the shit show that is the Kenny and Jane fight, I want Clementine to get as far away from both of them as fucking possible. For me, the best endings Clementine can have is to either go alone, or to go to Wellington. 

Wellington’s my personal favorite because I like the idea of Clementine being in a community with strong walls and people to help with AJ. I mean, we gotta throw out the logic when it comes to AJ surviving because in every single endings, he should be dead. 

Honestly, that’s the only thing that keeps me from shooting Kenny. Hell, in my opinion, walking off into the woods with him instead of staying at Wellington is the worst ending in the entire game-- I’d rather go with ding dong dingus Jane than stick around with Kenny, but for me, neither of those are a good conclusion to Clementine’s story and character in S2

Anyway, endings aside, Clementine is the only part of the story that doesn’t make me side eye the writers the way I do for everything else... well, I side eye them sometimes but S2 as a whole is such a mess that it takes a lot to not straight up glare at them and the amount of fuck ups they had here. 

Clementine is hands down the best part of S2.

--- Honorable Mentions

-Big brother Luke in the first couple episodes -This game does have a bunch of different endings that you can get, which is pretty neat until you realize that they mean practically nothing come ANF and they’re totally unbalanced sooo... nice try? -Uncle Pete is pretty cool -The setting of the ski resort is super nice and cozy until murder happens. -In fact, the snowy nature is visually pretty and the skyboxes are some of the best in the series. 

---

So what do you think? Do you agree with this list? What are some of your favorite parts of Season 2? Are you looking at this and asking where the Kenny entry is? Well, I’m sure if you scroll up just a wee bit, you’ll find your answer. 

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

Next week’s T5F Top 5 Character Deaths That Made Me Side-Eye the Writers 

[marlsbuck]

— && guests may mistake me as ( haley lu richardson ), but really i am ( marley buckley + cisfemale + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 6/13/1994 ). i am applying for the ( vet tech ) position as part of the EHP and would like to live in suite ( 211 ). i should be hired because i am ( witty & empathetic ), but i can also be ( indecisive & absent-minded ) at times. personally, i like to ( dance, knit & volunteer at the zoo ) when off the clock, but that won’t interfere with work.

hi pals! we’re back with a marley mae revamp! our favorite lil cowgirl is getting the makeover she deserves, so let’s get started, shall we?

before we get too into it, though, we have a stats page and a pinterest (which is also getting a revamp before too long bUT...i digress).

lil tw moment: abuse, alcohol, drug, death mention tws. per usual, i went a little heavy on the tws just to be safe! 

- marley mae buckley was born june 13th, 1994 to finnegan and shailene buckley.

- her father is a chief exec at an oil company and her mother was a stay at home mom and socialite, the latter of which she preferred.

- the family moved to billings, montana shortly after marley was born so her father could be more involved with work. this meant her mother had more time on her hands and more time to attempt to mold marley into the perfect daughter.

- except marley liked dirt, climbing tress, and pretending to ride the family dog like a rodeo bull.

- needless to say that did not go well????

- substance abuse tw early in marley’s life, her mother mixed prescription pills and pinot, which only made the tension between the two more intense. 

- abuse tw baby marls never understood why her mother would want to self medicate, essentially checking out and missing a majority of her only child’s life, until one night after her father came home after a day of ‘meetings’. smelling like expensive scotch and cigar smoke, marley saw her father hit her mother for the first time.

-  abuse tw she didn’t witness the actual abuse often, but marley started noticing the signs more and more often. bruises around wrists, large sunglasses when it wasn’t sunny out, concealer caked around her eyes and jaw. for a while, she begged her mother to take her and leave, but marley’s mother refused - firm in her belief that she wouldn’t be able to make it on her own.

- so they endured. more often than not, marley’s mother took her pain and frustration out on her daughter. it didn’t take long for marley’s parents toxicity to turn her into an angry, resentful person. marley was around 8 when she started acting out - “accidentally” breaking things around the house, saying out of pocket things at her father’s work events or fancy dinner parties. marley was 10 the first time she left home and didn’t come back for hours on end, only to come back and realize no one had really noticed she was gone.

- when she was about 13, marley really started acting out and rebelling. she started hanging out with a rougher group of kids who were significantly older than her. even though she never took part in the more intense stuff, marley did manage to get herself into some trouble that finally managed to catch her parents’ attention.

-  one night, while out with that older, rougher group of friends, marley was arrested for a destruction of property charge. since she was a minor, her parents were called immediately and, after making a sizable donation to billings pd, made the whole thing go away.

- officially done dealing with marley and the whole “mothering” of it all (if you can call it that), her parents shipped her back to their hometown of big timber to live with her paternal grandparents.

- she tried to run away a few times (even going so far as to steal her grandfather’s work truck - even tho she didn’t get far because she didn’t know how to drive stick yet) because rebellious, but after paw made her stay and help one of their cattle give birth, marley fell in love.

- marley fell in love with every animal on the ranch - all their quirks and distinct personalities. it quickly became the home marley’d never had. it was warm and loving and full of joy and life. her grandparents became the only parents she’d ever really known.

- they were the only reason marley agreed to go back to her parents. they’d made a deal that if she behaved at “home”, she’d be able to spend the rest of her summers at the ranch.

- so marley went back to her parents and did the dance classes, and dinner parties, and even did the whole debutante thing and “came out” to society.

- at 16 she petitioned to be emancipated and a judge granted said petition. she promptly moved into the renovated barn at the ranch that her grandparents had rented out while she finished school.

- marley ended up graduating early and began attending classes at the local community college, eventually getting her associates in science all while still working on the ranch when she could.

- at 19, marley began classes at montana state, majoring in microbiology as a pre-vet track.

- death tw shortly after she finished her first year at msu, marley found out her mother passed unexpectedly. when she went to attend the services, her father effectively disowned her (even though they hadn’t spoken in years) and blamed her for her mother’s issues and death.

- marley came back to the ranch more depressed than she’d ever been and instead of dealing with the hurricane of emotions she felt, marley dropped out of school and ran

- marley drove all along the west coast, eventually settling on a cattle farm in texas.

- there, marley met literally the worst thing to ever happen to her. only a month or two after settling in texas, marley started dating wade because mess attracts mess. duh. his parents owned the farm she was working on and he gave her attention. that’s it. that’s all it took.

- abuse tw it didn’t take long for the gas lighting, lying, and cheating to start. a short six months into their relationship was when the physical abuse started. growing up, she’d always told herself that she’d never allow a man to treat her the way she’d watched her father treat her mother - that she’d be stronger than her mother and leave after the first time. finally, though, marley realized the battle her mother had fought to endure all those years of abuse and just how hard it was to muster the courage to leave. 

- to this day, marley carries around the guilt of spending years blaming her mother for being weak and missing the opportunity to apologize while she was still alive.

- eventually paw caught on and WASN’T having any of it. so he snuck down with maw in the middle of the night while wade was out on a bender and packed marley’s shit and took her back home to the ranch like the knight in shining armor that man is.

- two years of animal therapy and literal therapy, marley applied to finish her bachelors in chicago after maw suggested it. she was accepted and once again left her home behind, but this time it was to chase her dream and we’re all v proud.

- she’s been at the mlanati now for two years and has finished her bachelors and is a certified vet tech. she’s currently in her last year of undergrad and is getting ready to start applying to vet schools officially.

hcs!

- marley is a jeeple. she owns a 2008 black jeep wrangler x. 100% named it ringo. definitely has a black jeep of the family bumper sticker and let me tell you, this girl is SO proud.

- y’all will never catch this girl in shoes. she will start the day in shoes and by the time lunch rolls around she’s barefoot. the only pair of shoes she enjoys wearing are her justin boots or her vvv worn out vans. 

- she knits when she’s anxious, which is more often than not now that she’s in a new place. but it also means she’s giving out cute lil beanies and scarves to her new frens.

- loves and i mean LOVES westerns. tombstone and gunsmoke were staples growing up.

- also probably the worlds biggest dolly parton fan. if it involves dolly, marley is in.

- ALIENS, MAN. your girl loves aliens and most space things. roswell (the og and new shows) are her jam bc...y’know....cowliens.

- she has three tattoos: some wildflowers on her upper left ribs, “worthy” in her grandpa’s handwriting on her upper right forearm, and the silhouette of big timber peak at the nape of her neck.

- marley is also one of those people that doesn’t need a ton of sleep? 4-5 hours max and she’s golden.

- cold brew coffee also runs through her veins. her coffee order is a trenta cold brew with hazelnut and almond milk, thanks. it’s also probably one of the reasons she never stops moving....ever.

- big time questioning her sexuality. marley’s only ever been with men, but uuuuuhhhhh WOMEN y’know? also nb folx are v nice. we do not discriminate in this house.

- 2 cats! doc (7 y/o himalayan long hair) and ike (2 y/o munchkin). both rescues she met while volunteering at a shelter.

- snake tw would also v much like a colombian rainbow boa pls and thank

- will always make time to take a dance class or book space to just dance all her feelings out. it’s one of the few joys she has that comes without feelings of pressure or stress. 

- holds most  people at arms length. she’s more than happy to listen and support everyone around her, but is a literal steel trap when it comes to talking about herself and her past.

- alcohol/drugs tw not a drinker. buckley’s don’t have a great track record of being able to handle their liquor (never let her do shots pls), so marley sticks to the occasional blunt. esp when she’s feeling extra anxious, it calms her down and evens her out.

- she do be jumpy af! loud noises (that don’t obviously come from animals) make her anxious and shaky. it’s the *pTsD*.

- marley’s triggers include but are not limited to: grabbing her face/chin, breaking glass, loud noises - specifically yelling, general violence, the smell of vodka or scotch and cigar smoke, being grabbed from behind/picked up without warning.

wanted connections!

- travel pals! : people marley met on her trip from montana to texas! she wouldn’t have stuck around long, but she was a hot ass mess and these would have been people who met her at p close to her lowest? so seeing her at the malnati would be like meeting a whole new person. she’ll probs be hella flustered and embarrassed so, like, we love that.

- hype squaaaaaad! : marley’s self esteem is still.........nonexistent, almost. she’s all about giving the love, but is the worst at accepting it, so obviously we need someone to shove all the love and positive affirmations her way! help ya girl see her worth!

- post hook ups! : likely only one or two! marley isn’t one to hook up unless she’s feeling pretty awful about her self and needs some instant validation. can be awkward or cordial! i’m down to plot specifics!

- crushes! : unrequited or nah (lbr i’d live for unrequited pls) male, female, nb - gimmie it all! babie is ready to give all the love....kinda. from afar. bc trauma. bUT!!! leggo. lololol.

- confidant! : literally probably the only connection that’s limited to one person. they know eeeeverything. every horrid, gruesome detail about marley’s past and all her insecurities. they could be someone that met her when she was on her way to texas/she met in texas or someone she met after and got to witness one of her panic attacks post texas. aka the one person she trusts most.

- scurry folx! : pls gimmie plots where marley is at odds with someone, whether or not it’s because they scare her a lil (aka angry, aggressively loud, bully-ish type someones) or just people who can’t handle her goofy, oddball, pollyanna type personality! i. need. ANGST!! pls. ty.

- chemistry, ofc!

[soleminisanction]

What’s up, I’m still thinking about Batgirl 2009 because that Scarecrow scene in Issue 3 is so ineptly handled that I’m almost offended on Stephanie Brown’s behalf. So I need to do a full essay. 

Because it’s not as if Bryan Q. Miller didn’t know Steph’s history. I mean, it kind of maybe is, because he also cracks a joke that she needs to “sign up for a sewing class” after a literal decade of making and maintaining her own costumes by hand, but that’s a completely other rant. 

No, it’s actually worse than that, because Miller actually brings her history up. Twice. Once, when Barbara is yelling at her in Issue 2: 

And then, literally pages before Steph jumps in to get her face-full of fear gas, she mentions Black Mask. 

That. That should be set-up for something.

But nooooooooo.

Just for the sake of comparison: almost 20 years earlier there was a very similiar sequence as part of a Detective Comics storyline called “Identity Crisis” (no, not that one). It’s the storyline where Tim earns his wings, he’s literally given his Robin costume at the very end, leading into Robin Vol. 1. 

In it, he is constantly haunted by the specter of his father’s coma and his mother’s very recent death, as well as the question of whether or not he’s worthy to take up the mantle of Robin. And when he gets doused with fear gas, you know what he sees? 

And you know what pulls him out of it? 

Of course, the biggest differences between the two scenes is that a) Tim isn’t remotely responsible for his mother’s death (and him training to be Robin might’ve actually saved his father, since it inspired Batman to prioritize their case) and b) Tim isn’t fighting to Prove Himself. Just the opposite. He thinks that being here is going to cost him Robin. That’s what his hallucination of Dick means in the lower-right corner: he’s a hero not because of the mask, but because of how he acts, and by acting, he can stand up and save Batman. 

That’s what earns him the right to be Robin. He was willing to sacrifice the thing he’d worked for, the duty he believed he had to fulfill, if it meant saving someone else’s life. And that finally impresses Bruce. 

So, to recap: Tim goes in thinking that he’s sacrificing his personal goal to save Batman’s life, and overcomes his very recent trauma (his mother isn’t even cold in the ground they buried her the day before!!!) to save another’s life. That’s what makes him a hero.

Back to Steph. 

Now you would think that if, as a lot of people have tried to sell me, Batgirl is Steph’s story of “overcoming her past” and “trying to make up for her mistakes” this would be the moment to do it. They’ve set it up, and that’s the narrative purpose of fear gas, to lay the psyche bare and force the characters (usually the victim) to face what they’re trying to keep hidden.

If you wanted to sell Steph’s motivation as one of overcoming trauma, this is the moment to pull out Black Mask. The man who tortured her almost to death. Or her father, who was undeniably abusive to both her and her mother.

Or if she’s truly racked with guilt over her past mistakes, this is the moment to show the people she’s hurt. The innocents who died in War Games because of her. Leslie Tompkins, shot through the back because of her actions in Africa. Or hell, Tim Drake, maimed and bloody and blown up and bitter in part because of her actions, the people she hired to attack him, or even just a paltry “because she won’t be there to help him anymore.”

“You did this to me. To us. To Gotham. Look at all this destruction. This is all your fault, Stephanie...” “No, no I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” 

^ THAT is trying to make up  for past mistakes. 

But WHAT does she see instead?

“Boo hoo, my ex doesn’t think I’m a good enough superhero. He’s so mean, just like OG Batgirl. Why isn’t anyone nice to me? I only want to help, supposedly!”

(Side note - Miller also implies that the only reason Babs pushes back so hard against Steph as Batgirl is because “she’s jealous” and frankly fuck that. Have all the middle fingers in the world.)

Oh, and then she follows this up with a vision of herself as Spoiler ragging on her for her mistakes....because they’ve led her to almost getting killed, again, not, y’know, because she’s hurt people. There’s not even a passing thought for how it’ll hurt her mom for her to turn up dead (again) after she promised to be normal, which is the closest thing to an internal conflict she’d deigned to show so far. 

And what pulls her out of it? What INSPIRES her to stand back up and keep fighting? What is her reason for being Batgirl? 

She just wants to. It’s what she chose.

That’s it.

And then Babs calls her Batgirl for the first time (because she was so wrong to doubt her!!), and Steph is just, totally over the fear gas and ““capable of facing her ““worst”””” self because she’s just that inherently awesome.

No growth. No concern for others. No big mistakes to grapple with. No desire for redemption or reconciliation. Not even a desire to make her friend Cassandra proud. No. She’s Batgirl, and willing to fight through the pain of being Batgirl, because she wants to be. Because it’s super important to her self-esteem that she be allowed a third fourth second chance to play hero.

Now, personally, I think this would be a weak motivation even if Steph didn’t have a bunch of negative baggage hanging over her. I get that other people will disagree, and that’s fine. But I also hope that, even if this was your first-ever comic and you knew nothing about the extended Bat-fam history before this, you can understand why this series infuriates me so much. Especially since it became the fandom standard for how this character is treated, and how other characters -- like Babs, Cassandra and Tim -- are treated by her fans. 

All of her mistakes get brushed away, mentioned in passing but never engaged with more than a shrug, and it’s always somebody else’s fault for not seeing how inherently great she is for trying so hard. 

Bleh. 

[tarteausuga]

killing boys

Jaehyun (NCT) x Reader [x Chaeyoung (Twice)] angst, implied wlw cw: cheating, strong language, sexual content word count: 2.1k Inspired by killing boys by Halsey

"You're killing people." “No, I'm killing boys. Boys are just placeholders, they come and they go." "You're my best friend, and I wanna help you. But I won't let you kill again, that's a lose-lose."

You could only describe it as the worst pain you've ever felt in your life. Even worse than that time your older brother body slammed you while you were "playing WWE" with him and you ended up breaking your arm in 2 spots and a broken collar bone. It was even worse than the period pains that felt like someone was jamming a blunt knife into your abdomen. The only thing was that it wasn't a physical pain or something your body was actually experiencing physiologically. It was the strongest emotional pain ever and it threw your life for a loop.

Eating was the last thing you wanted to do and you had run out of people to vent to about the current worst thing that's ever happened to you. But your childhood best friend always had a way of making her way into your life at the best/worst times. 

Chaeyoung was always a free spirit compared to your more grounded personality. She was usually always out doing something while you were at home watching Netflix. She would occasionally show up at random times, knocking on your window when she needed a place to sleep for the night. But she always had a keen sense of how you were feeling because her visits, despite his chaotic she was at times, calmed you from whatever was going on in your life.

"Hey Charlie Brown, what's up?" She says the moment you open the front door of your house. She had arrived with two bags full of convenience store food: three of each of your favourite chocolates, drinks, chips and anything else you could want in the moment.

"When are you going to stop calling me that?" You form a weak smile as she drops the bags onto the floor before pulling you into one of her signature chokeholds that are her version of hugs.

"Never. You're my lovable loser. Bedroom, I brought your favourite foods and your favourite movies." She doesn't even wait for you to say yes. You quickly rustle up the bags before peddling up after her.

She's greeted by the mess that was your room. Normally fairly neat and tidy, it looked like a hurricane had ripped through as you attempted to erase any memory or any chance of an object conjuring up an unwanted memory that would cause you that unbearable pain again. Chaeyoung glanced at you empathetically as she waded through the waste and jumped onto your bed. She pulled the laptop out from the bag and turned it on before patting the space next to her for you to join her.

The two of you watched the movie without speaking much to each other. The only noises were from the movie and the crinkling of wrappers as you satiated your hunger with the junk food - exactly what you needed.

"So what did the jerk do?" Chaeyoung finally said when she felt that you had a full enough belly to not collapse into a ball of misery and self-pity.

"He was caught with another girl. My friends saw him around town with a girl on his arm. He tried to play it off like she was his cousin but you don't kiss your cousins." You say glumly. You had told this story to so many people that it didn't even hurt anymore. 

"What an idiot. Haven't I told you? Jung Jaehyun was and always will be an ass hat." She chuckles as she leans back on her hands.

"I guess but I've had a crush on him for so long..." You say while playing with the candy wrapper in your hands.

"Right when he completely ignored you in high school and let those dumbass basketball guys make fun of you. Ass hat." She chuckled but this time, out of spite. Chaeyoung was quite known around your old high school of being the tough girl despite her small size. She called out anyone and everyone when they needed to be put in line and every guy was terrified of her as she was known to air out their dirty laundry if they humiliated a girl they dated. She's stood up for you on countless occasions but when you drifted apart in high school, you fell out of her protection as your new friends were unsavoury people to Chaeyoung. "He only started dating you when you became hot."

"Shut up." You threw the wrapper at her but she was right. 

You had graduated a little over 2 years ago and that's when you started becoming more confident in yourself. You carried yourself better and that's when he started to take notice of you. He had made up this elaborate story that he had liked you since high school but deep inside, you knew that wasn't true. You just lied to yourself because you were finally getting the boy of your dreams. 

He was just that. He was everything you wanted until he wasn't. You were convinced that he was the love of your life until he wasn't. Everything was an illusion because apparently, this was not the first time he has cheated on you or any other girl. Despite the warnings, you wanted to believe that he wouldn't hurt you… Until he did.

"I thought he was the one, Chae." You say glumly again.

"It can feel like that but I don't believe in it. There are plenty of people out there who would treat you like the peach that you are. Cheer up, Charlie Brown." She nudged you with her elbow with a wink.

She started calling you Charlie Brown when you two became obsessed with the Peanuts comics in middle school. Chaeyoung loved that he was a lovable loser and said that he reminded her of you. She proclaimed that she was Peppermint Patty and you agreed because Chaeyoung was always out there with the most absurd thoughts and ideas.

You had moved on to the second movie and you were now cuddled up with your best friend on your bed. You were about to fall asleep when she suddenly sat up, shocking you out of the sleepy state and said, "let's ruin Jung Jaehyun," with a smile.

"What?" You rub your eyes, "Chaeyoung, no. It's not that big of a deal. I'll get over it." 

"Not a big deal my ass. C'mon, ___, we need to teach him a lesson. Show him that he can't just go around sticking his dick in random places without consequences. It's our duty to any future woman that he might hurt." Chaeyoung says passionately.

You sigh and think about it before admitting defeat. "What are you planning?" You rub the bridge of your nose knowing she has already come up with an elaborate plan of some sort.

---

You park your car a block away from Jaehyun's house as instructed by Chaeyoung but you start having second thoughts. "This is a bad idea, Chae. Let's just go back to my place and finish that movie."

"Don't back out on me now! We're here, let's get it done." She almost hisses at you and you start wondering why she holds so much hate for Jaehyun all of a sudden.

Chaeyoung had always been protective of you from the day you two met in kindergarten. A bully had tried to take the chocolate chip cookie your mom had packed for you to help ease your nerves from your first day at school. You just sat there and cried when Chaeyoung came out of nowhere and snatched the cookie back, said some choice words and gave it to you. Though you had drifted away when high school started, you made new friends in high school from your club activities and Chaeyoung joined cheerleading, she always kept an eye on you. But she's never gone to this extreme.

"We've done some crazy things in the past, Chae, but this is literally illegal. We could go to jail for this!" You grab her wrist.

"Only if we get caught!" She yells in a hushed tone. Her eyes had changed into something more menacing than before.

"Why are you doing this?" You hiss back.

"I can't just standby and let that asshole get away with hurting someone I love." She shakes her hand free and gets out of the car before you can stop her.

In the time it took you to unbuckle your seatbelt and get out of the car, she was already at Jaehyun's house. You told her everything. The spare key was under the third flower pot on the right. He was usually at basketball practice at this time, then he would go hang out with the boys. It was Friday night so his parents were out for their weekly date night. This used to be the time where you and Jaehyun would have sex as you had the house to yourselves…

Chaeyoung's plan was simple: key his car. Sneak into his room and spray paint something (she didn't tell you what), sneak out and go home.

It was too late to stop her since you weren't a fast runner and you knew perfectly well that it was impossible to stop your best friend from doing anything once her mind was set. All you could do was wait.

You tapped your foot impatiently, trying to make the time go by faster to no avail when suddenly, you heard yelling from down the block. The next thing you knew, Chaeyoung was sprinting down the road yelling at you to start the car. You fumbled with your keys as you tried to do as she said and finally got the engine to start when she hopped into the passenger seat.

"JUST DRIVE" She yelled breathlessly.

You instantly stepped on the gas and look in the rearview mirror to see Jaehyun standing there, furious.

"What the hell happened?" You demand from Chaeyoung.

"That fucker." She laughed as she sunk into the leather of the car seat.

"Chaeyoung!" You glare at her, your knuckles going white from gripping the steering wheel so tight.

"So I keyed that ridiculous car of his and went into the house, no problem right? I mean I took a little longer on the car than I wanted but that was great penmanship considering I was using a damn key but anyway!" She continues, "fuck man, I go in and I just hear shit. It kind of freaked me out because you said the house would be empty right? But I'm like okay whatever, I go to his room and there he was balls deep in some girl." She can't help but laugh and even though you want to cry, you join her. "I'm so sorry Charlie Brown but you deserve so much better."

"Yeah, I know." You stop the car at a red light. You take her hand in yours and kiss it, "Thanks for that, Chae. I needed it."

"Anything for you." She smiles and pulls you in for a kiss.

You pull away with a gasp and look at her with wide eyes before diverting your attention to the road and continuing driving in silence. Your focus was solely on the road as you attempted to try and avoid the feelings you could possibly be feeling. While you were doing this, you failed to notice that Chaeyoung’s energy was dwindling, something she rarely lets other people see. All you could do was drive.

The car pulled up to the curb of Chaeyoung’s house and you put it into park. You finally turned to your best friend and saw how small she truly was for the first time in your life. You easily had a head of height on her but her energy was always so strong and exuberant that her physical size wasn’t even on your mind. But in that moment, she looked so small and vulnerable. The one who was always standing up for you and protecting you has a weakness: you.

“Chaeyoung…” You say quietly but she cuts you off.

“It’s okay, Charlie Brown. It was the heat of a moment thing. Something Bonnie and Clyde would do, you know?” she pasted a smile on but you could’ve sworn you saw her wipe a tear from her eye.

“You’re my best friend, Chaeyoung. We shouldn’t complicate that.” 

“You’re right, we shouldn’t do anything. Really, ___. It’s fine. I’ll be fine. Like always.” She patted your hand that was gripping the gear shift with white knuckles. “Until next time.” Once again, she slipped out of the car before you could react and disappeared into the house by the time you got out to try and talk to her.