#// i refuse to be blamed because it's so interesting how his living conditions have shaped ivan as a character

[archivedsorrow]

// i love that i went into this with the expectations of focusing on ivan's modern verse because i wouldn't expect his canon setting to work with others but all i'm doing is rotting over his canon exclusively and pretending like ppl know wtf i'm on about

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

When you think about the individual statistics of the bnha / mha characters, no other person has lost as much as Shigaraki Tomura has.

Let's see a list of the people he has lost so far:

Nana Shimura, his grandma from his father side (dead).

His grandma from his mother side (dead).

His grandpa from his mother side (dead).

Nao Shimura, his mother (dead).

Kotaro Shimura, his father (dead).

Hana Shimura, his sister (dead).

Mon-chan, his dog (dead).

Kurogiri, his parental figure (captured).

AFO, another terrible parental figure (that man never loved him I mean).

Magne, a friend (dead).

Twice, a friend (dead).

Mr. Compress, a friend (captured).

Giran, a friend (captured).

Toga, a friend (unknown location).

And now he doesn't even have his own body. This boy has lost like no one on this manga. And the people who hasn't died, they have several consequences like losing fingers, losing arms, etc.

The deaths surrounding Shigaraki are also more explicit and terrible than the rest. He has witnessed himself a good number of those deaths, at least half of them. All of them have been directly related to him, which means Shigaraki can freely blame himself for what happened, even if those were accidents and even if the people actively choose to participate on the actions that lead them to their deaths.

Shigaraki has the greatest killing rate, thanks to the big waves of his quirk he used both on the MVA arc and the War arc.

He has all the reasons to believe he's a monster. The problem comes when you realize he is a created monster, he wasn't born like that, contrary to what AFO has suggested before. What happened on the MVA and the War arc are twin situations to what happened with Tenko the night his quirk awoken. He lost his mind and the control over his quirk, leading to great catastrophes. We have evidence that he was not thinking clearly on those moments of great kill, but he was rather in great pain and very very scared, tortured by his mind. That pain and fear was caused by a great abuse that generated the feeling of pure hatred. In his three big killings, there's a pattern of him remembering his past and what happened with the Shimuras.

Now, almost half of the people on the list above choose to sacrifice themselves. Three of those people do it in order to save Tomura: Nao Shimura, Kurogiri and Mr. Compress. They have in common that they acted as Shigaraki's parental figures. We could include AFO, but only if we see what happen on Kamino from Shigaraki's perspective. We could include Twice but he was not exactly sacrificing himself consciously, he wanted to scape alive.

Two people on that list tried to kill Shigaraki: Kotaro and AFO. Both tried to shape his mind into what they wanted it to be and that lead to Tomura being unstable and sometimes unpredictable. We can see the symbolism of this in the fact that Kotaro's hand was always over Tomura's face, almost wanting to erase his identity, and when AFO possessed Tomura one of the first things we saw was him tearing apart Tomura's face. Other moment related to this is Tomura's confession to Doctor Ujiko in the beginning of My Villain Academia, were he states that he couldn't remember clearly his life before AFO. With limited information, including the years of manipulation from AFO, Tomura came to the conclusion he would never be satisfied and he would rather destroy it all– except what his colleagues wanted to save.

However, the majority of the people on that list loved Tomura and wanted to see him safe. What does this boy has that people keeps sacrificing themselves in order to try and save him? What makes them want to save Tomura?

Not matter how hard AFO tried to make a monster out of Tomura, we see how people keep reaching for him seeking comfort or even seeking a better future. For some reason, Tomura generates love in the hearts of those closer to him. Magne, Twice, Giran, Kurogiri, Mr. Compress, all of them gave beautiful speechs of love and acceptance, of protecting the people they like, of working towards a better future. Nao ran towards her son, Hana apologized for leaving him while being scared.

Or if you like, let me give you the maximum example: Deku changed drastically his hero path after witnessing himself who exactly was the real Tomura Shigaraki.

The reason why Deku looks like a villain on the last chapters is because there's a war inside of him– and also because it's the closes he has ever been to understanding the villains, by being on their shoes. While peeking through Tomura's mind Deku finally realized the reality of the hero society condition, and Deku is currently on a painful progress of growing, along with going through a phase of being an outcast and a rejected kid himself. Like a child exposed to war, or like a child getting more mature after a big trauma, Deku is reshaping himself in the light of what he knows now but didn't know before. Living on the streets, not eating enough, having people wanting to put you aside so you wouldn't alter their safety or peace, being painted as a problem or an object or a weapon rather than being seen as a human being in need of help...

While AFO's plan was to make Tomura suffer to increase his hate, he couldn't predict that Tomura would be the one to inspire Deku to love in a way he has never love before. Tomura's breaking point was also the breaking point for Deku, but while Tomura dives into the darkness, Deku fights his way over the stormy clouds to reach for the light.

Ultimately, everything surrounding Tomura is exactly what allows MHA / BNHA to be the story of how Deku became the greatest hero out there. The fact that Tomura refused to give up, refused to be who everyone wanted to be... even if he fails again and again, what counts here is that he is unbreakable. Even in the deep of his conscious, he awaits for another chance. Deku and Tomura are the ones who surpassed any limits, any expectations, in order to produce a real change in the roots of society itself.

So you can say that in parallel with Deku, (and there are some interesting implications in this one), Tomura hasn't been defeated by the rain either. Like two sides of the same coin, either they drown together or rise together.

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead. 

[unfortunatelysirius]

The Bad Boy and Hogwarts’ Ice Princess | Part I // Sirius Black

「 ❁ 」PROMPT 「 ❁ 」 [Ten Things I Hate About You AU] James Potter is new to Hogwarts, home to giggling birds and witchcraft. Upon arrival he’s bewitched by the enchanting Lily  Evans, a popular sixth year Gyffindor. However, Lily comes with an overprotective, overbearing sister who refuses to date and refuses to let her sister date. But James is determined to win Lily over, and if it takes finding someone to thaw her scowling sister’s ice-cold heart, so be it. But there’s only one man for the task and James isn’t so sure it’ll work. But perhaps Sirius Black is FULL of surprises... 「 ❁ 」AUTHOR’S NOTE 「 ❁ 」 Hey guys, this is my new series! I SHOULD be writing new additions to my other series (hahaha plural) ASAP, especially Chocolate Frogs and Love Notes. Send some love in the inbox (aka, what do you want updated or what do you want a sequel imagine to???) and I’ll try to make it happen ;) I’m making a promise to actually write some shit this time around. For my next uploads I’ll be using a tag list SO IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED, MESSAGE/INBOX ME!!!! 「 ❁ 」WORD COUNT 「 ❁ 」 2360

JAMES POTTER HAD ONLY BEEN AT Hogwarts for less than twenty-four hours and already he was the talk of the town for being a womanizer.

James knew letting his hormones speak over his head was a bad, badidea. He did it more often than someone should, and it had costed him immensely. His mother had taken him out of his last school, Beauxbatons, for being a playboy. He was constantly flitting from girl to girl, never to stay longer than his interest allowed him; birds there were very pretty, coming at the cost of being very insipid and unremarkable. His mother eventually caught wind that he was fooling around with girls’ hearts and that his reputation there was tarnished beyond repair (Even with the professors! How had they gotten wind of his philandering?), thus leading him to where he was at now, a new student at a new school where no one knew him or his old habits. His mother was understandably ireful and asked that James not write her for a while, so she wouldn’t try sending a Howler or Apparating to the school so she could strangle him. Really, in essence, James’s mother just wanted to avoid the walking disaster that was her son.

        James didn’t blame her.

James was easily bored and a massive flirt. If a girl was pretty, he’d play his cards until eventually the chase grew tiresome or she proved to be as indistinguishable as a hand towel. He tried explaining to his mother that it wasn’t his fault girls were so boring, but of course she was having none of it and snarked back, “Find a new hobby!”

Chasing girls isn’t a hobby, he really wanted to tell her, even if she would have rattled the neurons in his brain for backtalk. And for being an arse. It’s a lifestyle.

        An exhausting lifestyle indeed, but a lifestyle, nonetheless.

        James came to Hogwarts expecting to be disappointed. Beuaxbatons during sixth year would have been full of girls at their respective peaks, all pretty, vain, and vapid. James loved the chase as long as they didn’t play too hard to get, and usually it took mere days before they were going to him and not the other way around. He prided himself on being handsome. Maybe the conceited energy came from being coddled growing up; his mother sure did regret telling him he was her “handsome little boy.” Maybe if she jokingly called him a troll, he wouldn’t be like he was.

        He had tousled black hair that never stayed still. A mess of curls that girls always wanted to run their fingers through. His hazel eyes were mischievous and lit up at all times, hidden behind a pair of trendy circular classes. His fashion sense wasn’t too shabby either, not that he had any choice with a dress code in place. He didn’t care much as long as he could wear the socks and shoes that he wanted.

        James was tall and lean, his frame accentuated by subtle muscles. He was top-heavy, but he had some nicely shaped thighs from all his laps. He wasa Quidditch player, after all.

        There was no question why he got all the girls he wanted.

        Until he was the handsome new student at Hogwarts Academy, freshly sorted into Gryffindor, already a heartthrob among the ladies, restrictions on womanizing from his mother ringing around in his head—and he couldn’t believe what had just happened.

        “You just got rejected, mate,” some idiot twat laughed from nearby, but James’s head was stuck in space.

        Rejected…

-

Ten minutes ago…

        James was almost to his second class of the day, Potions, when he saw it. Saw her. A girl who put all of the birds he chased to shame, a girl who looked like she’d just walked out of a magazine.

Holy—

“Oh, my Merlin,” James blurted out, his eyes stuck—frozen, as a matter of fact—on the redheaded bombshell standing outside of Professor Slughorn’s classroom.

James was infatuated immediately. Call it love at first sight, call it a sexual fantasy, call it a mutation on the brain—call it whatever! Infatuated, bloody infatuated. All thoughts of Hogwarts being a disappointment escaped right out of him, and all that was left was this thought that James Potter had to have this girl.

He wasn’t even sure how he meant that, just that he wanted her. In his bed or in his arms permanently, he had no clue.

He just wasn’t used to being so… set on someone.

He was approaching her before he had any inclination of what he was doing or going to say.

“Well, hello there, love,” James said flirtatiously, putting on the French lilt he picked up from attending Beauxbatons. It worked on Hogwarts girls exceptionally well, almost alarmingly so; they ate him and his faux accent up like Shepherd’s pie.

To his complete bewilderment, the girl blatantly looked reluctant to tear her gaze away from the floor, looked him up and down like he was a disappointing distraction, then she said, “Pleasure.”

That wasn’t supposed to happen.

James back-peddled, but he didn’t lose his smug grin like weaker men would have done. Flirt game: infinite, strong. “I saw you over here and couldn’t leave a beautiful madame standing all alone,” he said, leaning on the wall next to her and crossing his legs at the ankle, like the suave master of all things effortless he was. “What’s to say you and I be Potions partners? I’m rather good with my hands… and my mind.”

The girl was completely dry, from the tiptop of her head to her feet—frown most of all. “Get bent,” she said.

Was that…

Was that…

Was that… a rejection?

James’s grin fell. Flirt game: weaker than weak. “What?”

“I said, ‘Get bent.’ You’ve been flirting with all the girls since you got here and I’m not going to be one of your victims, prat,” the girl spat, with dynamite-like fury. Maybe she’d saved all her anger for this very day, to unleash it on James the newbie playboy. “So go be a twat elsewhere.”

She turned her back to him and huffed.

…

…

-

James stood there for what felt like hours, yet the professor hadn’t shown up yet and the beautiful redhead’s friends had appeared from nowhere and dragged her into a corner. One of her friends was a brunette James remembered giggling at his advances just last night in the Gryffindor common room. No wonder the redhead knew about him and his ways.

He felt like disappearing in a hole and staying there forever. His mother was right to be peeved with him and surely she’d take the mickey when she found out that it had all backfired on her idiot philandering son.

The redhead probably wouldn’t believe him if he said he had a condition where he just couldn’t help himself around girls. She’d probably just punch him in the face.

James was still as a statue. He’d definitely win a contest.

Until he realized someone was trying to get his attention.

“Psst,” someone said from behind him, and James—ever slow and ever bewildered—took his sweet time turning around. He was even more bewildered when he saw a lanky, nervous-looking guy standing in the shadows. James threw caution to the wind and approached the guy, not even trying to act threatening.

“What’s up?” James said, like he hadn’t just been embarrassed in front of his entire Potions class.

The boy who’d called out to him was tall, taller than James actually. He was more sickly-looking, with a frame his attire seemed to drown. He had mousy brown hair and grassy eyes. He was handsome, but not a conventional sort of attractiveness--but who was judging? He was an alright bloke!

“That’s Lily Evans,” the peculiar boy said quietly.

“Pretty name… how do you think she’d feel about the nickname Lily-flower?” James asked, oblivious to the peculiar’s boy expression as it rapidly grew more nervous. “I’m sure she’ll accept me into her heart if she finds my wooing to be… more sincere.”

“You really, really shouldn’t,” the boy said, looking like he feared for James’s safety.

“Why’s that, mate?” James asked, ever oblivious.

The boy glanced around, spying for anyone bold enough to eavesdrop, then whispered, “Her sister’s Y/N Evans.”

James blinked. He didn’t remember meeting a Y/N Evans yesterday or anytime this morning. If she were anything as pretty as her sister, he would have definitely noticed her—but none of the girls he’d met so far were a Y/N. Why did she matter? “So?”

“She doesn’t take kindly to anyone harassing her sister… she may retaliate. Lily, she’s never dated. She hasn’t dated because of her sister.”

“Is this sister of hers a shrew?” James said obnoxiously, choking on his laughter.

The boy shook his head, ever nervous. “I don’t want to see you hurt. You seem nice. Y/N is a good person, but she’s… merciless, too.”

“You seem kinda nerdy. Why do you care?” James asked. The boy indeed looked like he wouldn’t care about gossip or help unknowing passersby. He looked like your average bookworm who cared less about the goings-on of school drama and more about fictional lives.

The boy’s face turned sheepish. His face said all that James needed to know.

        So he fancied Lily too, huh?

“Ah,” James’s face said but what his mouth said was, “So?”

“She’s Hogwarts’ Ice Princess,” the boy began. “She’s never fancied anyone. I guess she is a shrew, per se. She thinks men are going to use Lily and they’ll do the same to her.”

“I wouldn’t use her!” James said indignantly, but he knew he was preaching to the devil’s choir. He wasn’t the most charming or respectful of blokes; there was a reason his mother was cross with him at the moment. “Okay, maybe from the past—I wouldn’t—… well, I would change for her.”

“Y/N doesn’t know and she doesn’t care,” the boy said with a sigh, just as Professor Slughorn was arriving. The boy’s nervous face gave a nervous smile and his nervous hand reached out for a nervous shake. “I’m Remus… Remus Lupin.”

James grinned a shit-eating grin and he took Remus’s nervous hand, sealing the beginning of a beautiful friendship. “James Potter.”

-

        I have an idea. It’s a good one, James sloppily wrote on a crumbled-up piece of parchment, handing it under the table to his new friend.

        Remus had been more than eager to be James’s Potions partner, and even though he proved to be extremely studious, it seemed like their friendship mattered more. He took James’s piece of parchment immediately and wrote back, What?

        This went on as Professor Slughorn lectured and droned pointless information.

        You said Y/N’s never dated, right?

        Yes.

        Well, what if we got her to break off and date somebody?

        That’s impossible. She has a vendetta against us.

        Maybe she just hasn’t found the right bloke… wink.

        Are you going to date her yourself so you can then date her sister?

        What?!?!?!?! No!!!!! I’m just saying, what if we paid a guy to pursue her, be everything she wants in a man, then it makes her warm up to the idea of Lily dating?? Foolproof plan right?

        Lily doesn’t even like you. And she’s liked plenty before. What if this plan actually pulls through and she still doesn’t want to date you?

        All a work in progress, mate… we just have to find the perfect man for a not so perfect girl.

        James couldn’t stop smirking and winking the rest of Potions, and Remus just looked even more nervous than he began.

-

        “Sirius Black,” Remus hissed, nudging James hard.

        The two of them were in the Great Hall for dinner, eating and whispering with their heads together. James hadn’t flirted with another girl since he discovered Lily Evans’s existence—to the dismay of several beautiful birds trying in vain to get his attention—and right now he was looking for a girl who looked menacing and like she ate blokes for breakfast. He was failing miserably so far.

        Remus’s nudge made James choke on his pumpkin juice. “Wha—who?” he sputtered.

        “Sirius Black,” Remus said, directly James’s head to see a head of curly black hair bent over a plate of nothing but meat. The guy was aggressively eating, a glower on his face even though he wasn’t looking at anything except a plate. He seemed attractive but James couldn’t be sure with half his face covered.

        “He looks cool,” James said with a grin.

        “He’s a rebel,” Remus whispered. This Sirius Black bloke was also a Gryffindor, it seemed, but you couldn’t tell from how dangerous his vibe was. If James hadn’t seen him sitting here or sporting a red and yellow tie, he would have suspected the guy was a Slytherin. “He was kicked out of his family for being a Muggleborn-lover. He hates his family and hates everyone here. He gets into fights frequently and uh… he hates me.”

        James looked at Remus and laughed at the crestfallen look on his face.  “He sounds bloody perfect for the job,” he said, referencing their plan. It sounded completely foolproof to his deaf ears. “But what’s this Y/N bird look like?”

        As if on cue, a girl walked through the Great Hall entrance—a girl both doe-like and formidable. She had H/L H/C hair shooting into her face and a scowl as terrifying as it was sexy. She was wearing a modest outfit by Beauxbatons standards, but even to James, naïve to everything Hogwarts, he could tell there were alterations. He was in utter awe at this terrifying girl who definitely looked like she ate boys for breakfast.

        She caught James’s eye as she made it the Gryffindor table, giving him the most hateful glower he’d ever been at the receiving end of. James immediately looked away. He wasn’t that stupid.

        “That’s Y/N,” Remus said meekly, also awestruck. 

        James stared at him with wide eyes, then took subtle glances at both Sirius and Y/N at opposite ends of the table. Both completely terrifying… and both definitely uninterested.

         Neither of them are perfect… opposites attract, though, right? If James had any self-respect left, he would have dropped his intentions right then and there.

        Maybe Lily wasn’t worth the trouble…

       But Merlin knew James was a reckless bloke, and if something screamed for him to get away, he’d just fall in further.

[warrioreowynofrohan]

you mentioned your headcanons on when and if other finweans forgive maedhros... if you wanted to share some (or all) of them I'd be very interested!

Okay, wow, I have a lot of thoughts on this….it basically covers large parts of a fanfic that I’ve had broadly plotted out in my head for a long time but am completely incapable of actually writing.

This is going to be very long (EDIT: extremely long, apparently) - and rather messier and more scattershot than my usual posts - so I’m putting it under a cut.  This one only covers events in the Halls of Mandos; I would need another one to lay out post-Mandos headcanons, if I can put it together.

Fingon is deeply conflicted and unhappy about Maedhros; he’s horrified by Maedhros’ actions, but he can’t stop caring about him even if he wanted to, and he doesn’t know what’s happened to him after death and isn’t sure he wants to know. For at least the first couple hundred years that Maedhros is in the Halls, he’s in extremely bad shape and is not communicating with or visible to anyone. (This is not unusual for elves who are wrapped up in their own thoughts or deliberately avoiding others.) And between Maedhros’ actions, and the manner of his death, and the Oath, Fingon can’t be sure of whether he’s even in the Halls, or if he refused the Halls and is a lost spirit, or even if he’s in the void.

Fingolfin is sympathetic to his son’s pain but doesn’t really see any hope for Maedhros, and tries to say that it’s hard, but that sometimes you have to accept that you’ve lost someone you love to evil and they’re not coming back. Fingolfin’s lost his brother (who he still has complicated feelings about. Aulë has lost people. Even Manwë has lost his brother -

That comparison doesn’t go over well and from that moment Fingon isn’t speaking with his father anymore.

When Fingon decides that not knowing is worse than anything he could know about Maedhros’ fate, he goes to Námo and asks whether Maedhros is in the Halls, and Námo tells him that yes, Maedhros is.

He looks for Maedhros. He seeks quiet corners of the Halls, and sings, and hopes Maedhros will hear him, and one day he senses in his spirit that someone else is present near him. He continues to sing, simple things, and then moves to the song he sang at Thangorodrim -

- and Maedhros is there, ragged and shaking and trying with all his might not to look at Fingon. Stop he says. Please, stop. Why must you torment me?

The last thing Maedhros wants is to be reminded that once, he had a chance to do right, that once, he had a chance to recieve mercy and he has thrown it away, to be reminded of the gaping gulf between the person he wanted to be and person he is. You still think you can rescue me? he says with a twisted smile, and holds out his hand. Across the entire palm and to the first knuckle of the fingers, it is charred black. Fingon’s expression goes stubborn and he takes Maedhros’ hand in his own - and then releases his hold in shock. The hand is hot - not as with fever, but as metal newly withdrawn from a forge. Maedhros gives a bitter laugh and disappears.

Fingon cannot find him again.

This brings the story roughly to the start of the part I wrote in response to your last Ask, where Maedhros goes to Nienna and recieves, beyond his hope, mercy and forgiveness and help and healing. That’s not the endpoint of his journey to recovery, but it’s the beginning; it gives him the knowledge that there is someone who can love him absolutely unconditionally, that he’s not beyond redemption. And that gives him the foundation he needs to start facing the people he knew and the people he’s harmed and answering to them and seeking their forgiveness.

The Halls have a will of their own, if you let them; their geography is as much spiritual as physical, and they’ll lead spirits to the people whom they need to resolve things with. Fingon isn’t the first person Maedhros talks to, but he’s one of the first.

*****

FIc snippet

It would have been easier if the Halls had brought him to the Teleri, or even the Sindar. He could bear condemnation from them.

He did not know how to bear it if Fingon turned him away. As he had every right to.

He wanted to flee to some abandoned corner of the Halls and never face Fingon again.

He wanted to lay at his friend’s feet for a year, for a yen, for an Age, and beg Fingon not to despise him forever.

He forced himself to do neither of these things.

Fingon had still not seen him; his eyes were shut, his head bowed to his knees and his lips moving wordlessly, and it was the evident misery in his hunched shoulders that gave Maedhros the courage to kneel down beside him say softly, “Fingon.”

He did not seem to hear. “Fingon. Fingon.” Fingon looked up, made a choked noise of surprise, and grabbed Maedhros by the shoulders, staring into his eyes for a long moment, and then pulled him into an embrace. “Thank you,” Fingon said, low and fervent, and Maedhros knew it was not him that Fingon was addressing.

“You’re all right. I mean - not all right, but - better.” A spirit’s appearance in the Halls drew on both their true condition and their perception of themself. Maedhros was clothed in rags, his hair matted, but his hand no longer burned and he could meet Fingon’s eye with a look that, though still deeply ashamed, was no longer tormeted.

“The Lady of Sorrows has been very kind. Far more than I could ever deserve. Though in truth even to be in the Halls is better than I deserve.”

“Maedhros, surely you cannot believe that you deserve the Darkness?”

Maedhros’ laugh was rueful. “Deserve it? I believe I specifically requested it. Demanded, even! What does it say, that the very worst anyone could do to us would be to take us at our word? But by the end I earned it more in keeping the Oath than in breaking it.”

The question refused to be suppressed. “Maedhros, why? We beseiged Angband for over four hundred years without attempting regain the Silmarils, and the Oath did not trouble you then, yet the moment one was in the hands of Elves - ” Fingon paused. “Maedhros, please tell me it was not because of my death.”

Maedhros’ words came halting. “I blamed myself. I blamed the Valar. I blamed the Doom. I told myself that abandoned you again, this time to your death. I told myself that if this was how I was repaid for trying to win the war, if the Powers had mandated that any attempt to do good could only turn to evil and the destruction of all that I loved, then they had no right to judge me for doing ill.  I told myself that I had chosen war on Angband to avoid war on Doriath, and if they were going to punish me for that choice, well, then they were in no position to complain when I made the other.

“I was wrong. We were not wrong to fight Angband, but on my part the Fifth Battle was waged in service of the Oath, and everything done in its service turns to ill. Good becomes evil. Evil becomes…worse. The words we intended to drive us against Morgoth turned to his service, and we did his work.

“I am sorry for what I have done. I will spend the rest of Time being sorry for it. We should have thrown ourselves against the walls of Angband and died there rather than ever again raising our swords against our kin. You have every right to despise me.”

Fingon, lacking words, took Maedhros’ remaining hand and lifted the burnt palm to his lips. “I will not leave you. I hate what you have done - I would rather have seen you dead on my blade than do any of, though that would have killed me - but I will not leave you.” He wrapped his arms around Maedhros again. “Please don’t disappear again.”

“I won’t.”

The dead have times of rest of thought, even if it not what the living would call sleep. A little time later found Fingon resting with his back against a pillar and Maedhros curled on the floor, his head pillowed on Fingon’s feet and an expression of deep contentment in his face.

*****

My thoughts on Aredhel and Maedhros are in the Halls are largely covered in this post.

*****

Turgon, in contrast, is exceptionally angry at Maedhros, especially about the Third Kinslaying, and not at all inclined to forgive or to care for apologies. This is also wrapped up in Turgon’s own guilt about the Fall of Gondolin. He feared that he had left the remnant of his people defenseless against Morgoth, but Ulmo found a way to protect them through the waters at the Mouths of Sirion; instead, they were defenseless against Maedhros and his brothers. And to Turgon, Maedhros’ renunciation of both the Oath and the Silmarils after his death is meaningless, because he did so only after he had lost any possibility of achieving the Oath or obtaining the Silmarils. How can it mean anything to renounce evil only after you’ve lost the ability to commit it or to gain anything from it?

Maedhros and Turgon have an intense conversation on these points (well, intense on Turgon’s part) while Maedhros is in the Halls. Maedhros, for his part, while he does want to apologize and beg forgiveness, does not really have any expectation that Turgon will forgive him; his hope in his early conversations with both Turgon and Fingolfin is mainly to arrange a detente where the Nolofinwëans can get back on good terms with each other by dint of all of them agreeing to just not talk about Maedhros (who is the primary subject of contention between them). This, he does succeed at.

[ascottywrites]

The Angsty Post

Where Happy Endings come at the slowest of paces.

*Or, you know, sometimes not at all. 

Rewriting the future by Synesthetic  (Complete: 28/28| 106,631) --Steter 

Two days before their planned bonding, alpha Derek Hale runs away with his secret beta girlfriend, leaving Stiles heartbroken. With the demands of his omega physiology forcing him to bond with someone before his first heat, Derek's uncle Peter steps in and offers a solution.

Backstage is Full of Parasites by Falln_Grce (Complete: 14/14| 61,346) --Steter 

A little tweak to the Teen Wolf universe where Stiles learned to take care of himself from a young age. And despite going through trauma as a child, he's 17 now and has adjusted to the new normal as well as he can. With a soulmate-AU just to keep things interesting.

What if the Sheriff didn't turn to alcohol when his wife died... What if he focused all of his attention on helping a seven year old, recently removed from an abusive home, Isaac get settled into the Stilinski household... Where would Stiles fit into that world?

How I Long For Yesterday by sweetbutterbliss (One-shot| 6,017) --Sterek 

Stiles blinks, his throat going dry, and he moves his thumb without thinking - liking the post. He feels a surge of petty satisfaction. At least the fucker will know he knows now. He stands up, his body feeling too heavy, and he blows out the already guttering candles. He lets out a sob of frustration when the last one won't fucking blow out. But he sucks it back in and bites down on his tongue, using his thumb and forefinger instead.

He throws himself into their empty bed without undressing. He lies there repeating the words 'Derek blew me off for Isaac' over and over. He tells himself to shut up while rearranging his pillow violently, but he goes to sleep with the refrain continuing its painful loop.

You're Not Who I Thought You Were by halcyon1993 (Complete: 21/21| 84,549) --Sterek 

Stiles is lonely. The only person who really talks to him is his best friend, and even Scott seems eager to ditch him whenever someone better comes along. Following a stupid decision made late one night, his small world opens up as he discovers things he never before thought possible and he meets a mysterious man who could be the answer to all of his problems.

In Word and in Deed by lielabell (one-shot| 7,778) --Sterek 

Stiles has stopped saying "I love you." Derek wants to know why.

(Once in a) Blue Moon by clarkoholic, skywardsmiles (Complete: 14/14| 60,051) --Sterek 

Stiles and Derek are getting along, but they’re not a family, and they’re sure as hell not mates. Christ, they’re basically just two stupid guys who happened to get pregnant because of a full moon and sheer dumb luck.

We Are Made of Our Memories by JenyaKeefe (Complete: 9/9| 12,441) --Sterek

"I don't have amnesia." "Um, clearly you do. You're under a spell that's taken a year's worth of memories." "No. I've wakened from a spell."

Lost on you by devilscut (Complete: 7/7| 51,322) --Steterek 

A deadly encounter with an Alpha changes Stiles' life forever - kicked out and betrayed by his best friend and brother, Scott McCall, he leaves Beacon Hills, but much to his surprise not alone. Ten years down the track, living a life he never dreamed possible, a chance meeting brings back memories of that night - the good and bad mixed with a whole lotta WTF that even now still has him scratching his head as to what happened.

In Treatment by tzzzz (Complete: 22/22| 166,937) --Sterek 

Derek hires Stiles, a professional alpha sex therapist, to help him through his heat.

The New Normal by midnightcas (Complete: 27/27| 63,392) --Sterek 

After Stiles gets hurt...again, Derek puts him on the metaphorical supernatural bench. Meanwhile, Stiles tries to have a normal life and make normal friends. But when a new pack comes to town and the Hales start getting threats, things start to get a little....not normal.

The Mating Privilege by Kikileduc (Complete: 12/12| 35,380) --Sterek 

Stiles and Derek have been happily mated. The pack is doing well, but in hopes of creating alliances for it to do better, Derek accepts a neighboring pack's request to allow two wolves to join the Hale-McCall pack for a full moon cycle. They hope to form a blood-tie, or at least a long term friendship between the two packs. The issue is Kohona, the tribal leader's daughter, has her eyes set on an unavailable alpha wolf. This could have drastic consequences for their young emissary, however...

Beta read by the amazing Splash_of_ bi! Cannot thank you enough!!

Jokingly I'm adding this WARNING after having two separate comments talk about heart palpitations and others stating they are physically shaking or experiencing high blood pressure after reading the first few chapters.... WARNING: read with caution if you have a pre existing heart condition, Derek and the Pack may cause you to be upset!!

If We Could Match by forestofbabel (Complete: 9/9| 23,455) --Sterek

As Stiles waits behind the camera during an interview, he thinks he should maybe quit. Because, in all honesty, despite the charming smile the actor is pulling out for EW, Derek Hale is kind of a jerk.

Your Heart for My White Fences by zgdtx (Complete: 10/10| 29,444) --Sterek 

At first, Derek was the one night stand that he could not pry himself away from. Before he knew it, Derek was the married man Stiles had fallen in love with. Then, Stiles was the little lamb being tossed into a pit of wolves, helpless and alone. There was not much he could do, no, not much at all. Dark AU.

Call in the Air Stike (Tell Them to Make the Drop) by WednesdaysDaughter (Complete: 2/2| 5,126) --Sterek 

"How do you tell your best friend that the guy you were slowly falling in love with flat out said you were nothing but a waste of space, and you’ve secretly felt that way about yourself once or twice on a bad day? The answer is, you don’t."

Twyla Hale by FiccinDylan (Complete: 13/13| 37,123) --Sterek 

After the formula of their go-to product changes, "Hair Day" becomes "Hell Day" in the Hale Pack household. It's time for Derek to call in the pros, imagine his surprise when he's presented with a wicked tongued white boy with honey brown eyes.

***sure there’s some stuff that happens that’s not fun but i think I would characterize this as light angst in comparison to the inherent possibilities of this fandom lol  

Baby You're Beautiful by supernaynay (one-shot| 1,089) --Sterek 

“God you’re beautiful.”

Derek hadn’t even realized that the words had left his mouth until the whole room went silent, including Stiles, who until about five seconds earlier was busy yelling at him for putting himself in danger yet again.

I want to do this for you by Late_to_the_fandom (Complete: 17/17| 19,323) --Sterek 

“You must be delusional,” Derek deadpanned as he stood abruptly and stalked away indignantly to throw the broken shards of his cup in the garbage can. “In what harebrained scenario of yours did you think I’d say yes to this?” His heart thundered in his chest as he stared at Stiles in disbelief. “Nothing good can come out of this and you know it.” He paced angrily, his hands fisting then uncurling as he tried to rein his emotions. He stopped suddenly, his glare piercing and his words cutting, “I would never let you use me like this.”

There's Something About Love that Breaks Your Heart by Stereklover11 (Complete: 5/5| 7,835) --Sterek 

"I love you," Stiles said.

Derek didn't answer right away. Then he said:

"I'm sorry Stiles, but I don't feel that way about you. Or any guy for that matter."

The one where Derek is bisexual but doesn't know it and refuses Stiles' love...at first. ;)

Baby Daddy by DiscontentedWinter (Complete: 25/25| 55,369) --Sterek 

Laura Hale decides it's time to expand her pack. And Stiles could really use the money. And Derek... well, that's when things get complicated.

Bake to Remember, Eat to Forget by butyoureyessaidyes (Complete: 19/19) --Sterek 

It’s 6:18 A.M. on a Monday, and Stiles is using his thumbs to shape the fondant butt of a Winnie the Pooh sculpture. It’s the most action he’s seen in a long time.

--

Or the one where Stiles runs his own bakery, never locks the front door, and doesn't know he's part of a werewolf pack (until he does).

Kill Me Once, Shame On You by AllTheseSquaresMakeACircle (wip: 15/?| 46,512) --Sterek 

In the aftermath of their final bout with Gerard, things kinda went to shit. Yeah, they won. But Scott had violated some major boundaries. Jackson was still an emotionally constipated douche. Erica and Boyd were missing. In general, everyone was left missing a piece of themselves in one form or another. There was also the fact that there was a literal pack of alphas bearing down on them. Stiles was really getting sick of this shit.

(There's) Sulphur in Our Blood by WonderWolf (wip: 19/21| 186,356) --Sterek 

"Harris put you on a recon mission with Derek. You. Alone with Derek. On a mission. Together,” Scott says, slowly. “Does Harris want you dead?”

“I believe so," Stiles says gravely.

(Secret Agent AU where Derek blames Stiles for his sister’s death and Stiles is pretty sure that Derek’s going to murder him. As if that weren’t enough to deal with, Stiles’ familiar keeps having public breakdowns.

Oh, and there’s a mole in the agency, so there’s that too).

[chyme-out]

Vrains, and what it means to ‘Ai’; because it’s not just a human condition

Ah.

Yusaku’s face kills me after Ai’s fateful play. There’s nothing...victorious about it, and you know, the moment the screen shows his face, and the way his expression flinches into something almost terrified, that Ai’s lost. Because while Yusaku does express shock in his duels, there’s usually something a little angry-looking or ‘firm’ about it. There’s none of that now. He certainly isn’t flinching for himself.

But he’s a duelist. He’s listened to Ai’s story. He has people to save; some of them he cares about, and others probably not so much. And none so much as this being standing before him, who’s trapped him into a duel where there was never any chance of him saving the one he declared, so passionately he was going to, the start of the season:

Unfortunately, he’s not Yuma. And there’s no magic in this Yu-Gi-Oh universe, no reality-shaping card that can restore the dead. (Unless of course, the reason Yuskau finally logs back into Vrains at the end of the series is because he’s on a quest to do the impossible and do just that for Ai, but it’s not exactly clear. I would be interested to see his reactions to some of the human characters though as I imagine they’d have mixed feelings about him attempting to restore Ai. A few may even attempt to stop him which...would not go down well.)

Poor Yusaku. He’s stuck in a rather dark series; dark in the sense that compromise between the Ignis and humanity was never in the cards. The main question Vrains seemed to push forward was ‘is it possible for AI with free will and humans to co-exist?’ And the end seems to say, ‘no, no it isn’t. Not unless you put limits on the AI in question.’

No one put a limit on Ai’s love for Yusaku. And all the Ignis, even the ones who genuinely sought a peaceful solution, ended up dead, because (a) no one could put a ‘limit’ on Lightning (though interestingly, he put a limit on himself, the moment he decided on the path he took) and (b) there was no limit to humanity’s greed and self-absorption, things which shaped the nature of Earth’s death and Yusaku’s simulated one as well.

The only AI who benfited from the series in the end was Pandor, who exists really, for less than a hot minute, and while she is an interesting being, she still lacks a spark of ‘something’ that made the Ignis so unique. And who will never, despite what she says, attain true free will, not so long as Revolver’s hold on her programming remains firm.

Vrains, I give you kudos for holding firm to the stance you took regarding this issue. It was certainly a lot more tragic than I expected initially going into this show. No last minute revivals for the Ignis except possibly Ai...and is that the series’ reward for him being willing to die for his love, for attaining a humanity that Go, at one stage, was so willing to throw away? Who knows. 

I don’t blame you, Ai. You were stuck in an awful position. And your response to that was to force Yusaku into one just as terrible. Such a strange mix of selfishness and selflessness at the same time in that decision...but isn’t that just Ai, all over? Or rather, love itself?

Yes, the series seems to say. Love is both selfless and selfish. Lightning was screwed up, but it was his love for life, and by extension the rest of the Ignis that motivated him to come up with a ‘solution’ and an ‘absolute’ one. Yusaku is right to tell Ai:

But:

Except of course, Ai, like Lightning, has searched for an ‘absolute solution.’ And the one he arrives at is: ‘If I want Yusaku to live, then I must die. Because he’s never going to stop protecting me from everyone who wants to do to me, what has been done to Earth.’

Daaaaaamn. I suppose if Ai had wanted to be truely selfless he could have found a way to delete himself without getting Yusaku involved, leaving Yusaku to wonder about him, but maybe convince himself, ignorantly, that Ai was alive and in hiding in the network somewhere for the rest of his life. But Ai can’t do that. Who could? Because...

Who wants to die alone? Of course he’s going to grab for a ‘solution’ that leaves him a chance to be with the one person he has left. To converse with him, and get a verbal and physcial acknowledgement of how much he meant to him. And to reach back and let him know, ‘hey, you meant the world to me; enough that if I had stayed and watched you die, I would have gladly let said world come to an end.’

Ai spent the whole series trying to protect the things he loved and failing, never reaching a successful ‘solution.’ How poignant then, that the first ‘solution’ he picked to protect these things, i.e. crafting Yusaku into his weapon, Playmaker, would end up being the last thing he would grow to love and eventually suceed at protecting at the end.

It’s horribly, selfishly, human. And yet selflessly human too. I guess the series made a point of saying, that despite Revolver’s assertion that humans are valuable becaused of their flesh and blood in the real world, and that the online world can be a lie, that people should focus on what’s important in ‘reality,’ and their ability to experiance things an AI never will...well. As it turns out, love isn’t an exclusively human thing, limited only to the ‘real’ world.

Whoops. The series also implies it’s cruel to make AI too human. For as we all know, humans have been doing terrible things in the name of love for centuries. And given how Ai is like a god in the modern day era, how can we expect him to do anything less with the power he wields?

Thanks Vrains. And kudos on the death scene. It packs a lot of meaning in the lines Ai and Yusaku share before Ai dissappears and Yusaku is forced to grapple with what he told Ai earlier about how life is about making bonds with others, and re-forging new ones in the place of the ones that are severed, in order to be strong enough to move on and survive their loss. And then of course, he buggers off for three months and refuses to call anyone else in his life and put work in developing new bonds or re-establishing existing ones in place of the one he lost with Ai.

I just...Yusaku. You poor thing. I refuse to believe you’re going to just just settle down into being the protector of Vrains and make nice with everyone. I mean, maybe you’ll try. But mostly I’m just interested in what you were doing for three months and how you managed to sketch out a living without anyone from your old life accosting you. I would like to think we get answers one day. But eh, I have my doubts.

[camelotpark]

https://thisdiscontentedwinter.tumblr.com/post/184909622997/in-which-scott-mccall-defense-squads-honorary#notes

Looking at this post and the first thing to notice is although it's directed at me the person they are talking about is not me.

For starters:

My not liking Scott McCall and refusing to be bullied into writing fics about him is not racism, and they can fuck right off with the idea that

My criticism of this poster's racism has never been about what fic they write.

Talks of their racial bias have always been squarely about their use of racist tropes in regards to a poc character. This is easily proven if anyone checks the tag.  

"Honestly, you couldn’t hang a hair on the logic that flimsy. Because I don’t write fics about Scott much, sure. I also don’t write fics about Lydia, but that can’t have anything to do with race, can it? I must be a misogynist. Oh wait, I also don’t write fics about Liam, and he’s a white boy. Wow, that throws a spanner in the works of the theory, doesn’t it? It’s almost as if I like characters for who they are, and not their gender or their race. I also don’t write a lot of fics about Theo, and I actually like him. I just don’t feel interested in writing fics about him."

They can pretend my claims of racial bias isn't real if they can divert it to "I don't have to like, or write, what you want me to"

I've never asked, nor do I trust, them to write Scott McCall in any genuine way so I have no interest in seeing them doing that.

When I talk of this poster's racism it's about the need to paint Scott McCall as less than in everything from intelligence to heroism to sacrifice. The need to whitewash his pain as not nearly as damaging or important as the white men they favor.

To excuse the violence and pain those white men do to Scott McCall as "growing pains" or joke that it's "bad communication"

They victim blame his trauma as always being his fault in some way, shape, or form when it’s done by the white men they like the most.

They can understand why after Stiles killed someone he didn't tell anybody.

That even when he knew his friends and family might be hurt because of his silence he still said nothing. He was being blackmailed. What choice did he have?

However, they have judged Scott for years for not immediately pushing his near-murder aside at the hands of his girlfriend's mother to tell said girlfriend what happened and stop her from seeking vengeance on the person she believed killed her.

I'll take this moment to reiterate that he tried to talk to her while also having no idea she was even after Derek (because she wouldn’t talk to him)

That doesn't matter though. To them, Scott was still in the wrong, but Stiles was not.

This poster has said this:

And no, Derek did not “prey” on vulnerable teenagers. We know from Scott’s talk with Boyd that Derek told them about the bite, and how it could be dangerous, and how it could open up a dangerous world for them. And they all agreed to the bite still.

This is a lie. Straight out, but it shows their absolute devotion to defending white men even when there is no defense.

When a grown man (Derek) entices vulnerable teenagers (Boyd, Erica, Isaac) with the promise of improving their lives in a significant way (such as no longer suffering from a debilitating condition) that is preying on them. It’s choosing teens who are more susceptible to saying yes.

They will defend a predator if he’s a white man but will condemn a moc for saying something cruel to that predator (because it hurt his feelings)

This double standard? This overwhelming desire to paint Scott as bad, evil, stupid, and unworthy is fandom racism. It's the same racism that poisons a lot of fandoms. They think just because they do it that it doesn't count.

See, nobody has ever said that racism doesn’t exist in fandom

So does it exist or not? Or is it not racism when it's dealing exclusively with Scott McCall or Tyler Posey, because I hate to tell you, but you look at other prominent poc in other fandoms and they get the exact same treatment.

Get undermined the exact same way by the same people who tell us "I don't have to like who you want me to like".

[saltycharacters]

Your characters “powers” (like sef’s personality bite) are so interesting!! Not to mention the world building you’ve done for your little universe, like with the fruit people. Any tips for people who want to come up with unique and interesting things like that? Thank you

ahjhgshsgd now that’s a whole different can of worms, my friend.

I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but since middle school I’ve developed a weird, highly specific personal moral code where I have to make all of my content as original as possible. Even I don’t know where the fuck I got it from. But it’s been controlling my life for almost 8 years now!! I’ve been trying to unlearn some of it just to be able to have fun- as it use to be so specific that I couldn’t even LIKE anybody elses fan content and actively avert myself from it, even if it came from my friends. It’s not so bad now, thank god, but it still compels me to do the following:

-Not take adopts or ANY ideas from other people, even if offered willingly. I turn down even casual suggestions and often even try to do the complete opposite from it, just to prove that I can do everything by myself.

-Refuse to use references for things, or take inspiration from anything. You guys think my human proportions are alright? I learned how to wing it over the years because I even hate using “other people’s” artistic techniques!! 

-Most of my character lore stuff has to be made from scratch. No, not even magic is allowed, that’s not “original” enough. I make myself suffer by slowly creating super convoluted ideas that have a lot of holes and don’t make sense. 

-Normal mythical creatures and concepts can’t exist in my world, so I create “alternatives”.

See? Even my mermaids aren’t mermaids, they’re fish parasites that partially swallow humans and try to coax other humans into the water to get their fish parasite buddies a body too, just so they can chew berries with their new human teeth and not starve to death.

-I can barely even allow myself to give my characters normal names. Sports don’t exist in my world because I decided I have to make up my own!!! The planet my characters live on isn’t even sphere shaped because I already “copied” the earth’s environment so I have to distance it from earth as much as possible!! Honestly, this is a ridiculous hell I’ve created for myself and have no one else to blame but me!!!

But it does mean I actively go out of my way to make up weird shit so I can give some insight as to how to do that.

If you don’t want to be like me and make yourself suffer 24/7, the easiest way to achieve a unique ability or story is to create something normal and find a way to put a twist on it. Convolute it until it’s kinda like what you had originally, but weird. The “mermaids” above is a good example of what I mean. So is the character you mentioned- Sef the zombie frog, sure, he’s kind of got zombie powers. But they’re altered so that only his personality results from his bite, not an entire zombie, so it’s not true “zombieism”. Here’s a few other characters with similar ideas-

Vixy can control the weather, but only with the rest of her rock band present. And they don’t have any specific elemental powers- water, electricity, fire, etc- they only do funky weather shit, and only when they play their music.

Finko the catfish can turn into a tiger shark, but only in salt water.

I drew this picture as a visual pun, playing on the phrase “elephant in the room”- so when I decided to keep the elephant character, I gave him the ability to read people’s minds. But not really because he can only involuntarily “hear” deep, pressing secrets the person keeps worrying about. Aka, his powers come from the pun.

This pal is a whale who can swim on solid land, but can’t pass through water. Basically, solids and liquids are reversed for them.

Irregular here can shapeshift- but his ears and eyes remain on the new form. His shapeshifting though isn’t used for tricking others visually, rather it lets him mimic other’s abilities/powers and use them in a fight.

And Clee here can float and use electricity, but only as long as his vest stays on. If his body were to be exposed, the clouds around his neck would take over the rest of his body and render him grounded, and in a rabid frenzy.

As you can see, I basically make random, weirdly specific shit up and call it a day. But if you also noticed, a lot of these abilities have limits. Unique conditions that either activate or render useless these “powers”, can them more interesting. Most stories already have that- tropes such as emotions activating secret powers deep within, or possession giving them abilities, or they’re a creature like a vampire or a demon who already has things like holy water to keep them at bay. That’s fine. Just make it even weirder or more specific if you really want to mix it up. 

Other than that creating any story takes time- most of these took me at least a month to come up with. So if you’re stuck, just take your time thinking about it, or leave the character in the back burner for a while, until you’re ready to take a stab at it again. Sorry this wasn’t much- but hope I kind of answered your question!!!

[mcukinkbang]

Weekly Round-Up 3!

Welcome to our third weekly round-up!     🍆 3 times the kink, 3 times the bang!   🍆

Space Enough to Grow

Words by @tyranttirade; Art by @bdrixhaettc

“C’mon Steve, it’s not gonna hurt him,” Bucky pleads “We’ll make sure it don’t,” He says it so matter of factly that Steve already believes him a little bit.

Give it to Your Goddess

Words by Dracusfyre ; Art by @puddingpong

“After a series of stressful missions, everyone needs to let off a little steam, Clint in particular. Natasha knows how to make that happen, and enlists Bucky to help.“

A History of Breath

Words by Cymbidia, SoftObsidian74 ; Manip and fanmix by @incognegro2017

“Steve has a different relationship to breathing than most people do. He asks Bucky to help him explore this relationship with waterboarding. Bucky refuses on the grounds that waterboarding is dangerous and also torture, but reconsiders his stance when he comes into possession of a case of alien sex potion that would make the waterboarding Safe, Sane and Consensual.”

Demobilization

Words by @thefilthiestpiglet (AO3) ; Art by @artgroves / alby_mangroves (AO3)

Sure, Bucky and the Howlers brought down Red Skull and the plane months ago, but demobilization of an entire army takes time, so it’s only now that he got to turn in his papers and step back onto good old American soil.  Steve came out of his final pro-boy checkup with face flushed, and looked around the Brooklyn streets.  "Oh hey, my place is not far from here.  Wanna go?“

Bucky nodded, and hurried to follow Steve as those skinny legs sauntered down the street with easy confidence.  He liked it when Steve leads.

Or: fluffy 4F postwar canoodling where Steve tops

How Deep is Your Love?

Words by @defilerwyrm ; Art by @a-kinkajou

Steve and Bucky steal time on leave to spend in each other’s arms. The morning after is shaping up to be a lazier, cozier version of the fervent night before—until Peggy Carter invites herself in, in more ways than one.

Almost a full minute stretched by with her standing there, staring at Captain America’s second-in-command. In slow motion, he reached down to grab the blanket and draw it up over his groin.

“Mornin’, Peggy,” he said just as slowly. “Is the gun really necessary?”

Vrijheid

Words by SoftObsidian74 ; Art by @puddingpong​

“On the run and living off the grid in Amsterdam, Steve stumbles upon a very old and exclusive BDSM society. After rediscovering a side of his sexuality he’s long repressed, he accepts the society’s invitation for membership consideration. There’s just one catch - he must be approved by the head slave, and rumor has it, that guy can be a real jerk.”

Beneath The Suit

Words by thefilthiestpiglet: Tumblr / Ao3 ; Art by Cryo-Bucky: Tumblr/ Ao3

“Tony decides to show his new friend Steve Rogers the future, and the future happens to involve some friendly, no-strings-attached light bondage and an exploration of the marvels of silicone-based technology.Or: Tony and Steve have sex (sort of), break up (sort of), and then reconcile (sort of)”

In Hydra, Vine Do You

Words by Quarra

“While the Asset is in the middle of an experimentation session with the Chem Sci department, an emergency happens in another lab. One of the other experimental creatures escaped its containment cell and the Asset is ordered to go take care of it. He’s hosed off, plugged up, geared up, and sent upstairs post-haste to deal with the problem. Unfortunately, the Asset is still flush with drugs that make him incredibly aroused. When the escaped creature notices, he takes an interest. Much to the Asset’s delight.”

Day Off

Words by @FirebirdScratches ; Art by @a-kinkajou

“Steve, Bucky, and Nat rarely get a day off to enjoy one another. They’re going to spend this one getting off. Kinky threesome, cuddly aftercare, happy healthy poly, with smoking hot art by a-kinkajou!”

Save Your Lovin’ Arms For A Rainy Day (I’ll Find Comfort In My Pain

Words by IndigoNight ; Art by sunrow

“Steve has to admit that even though it’s been over a year since he brought Bucky home, he’s still a little unnerved by what most of them charitably call Bucky’s ‘condition’. He’s part demon now just sounds so absurd, Catholic upbringing and the fact that they live in the same building as a literal mythological god aside. Luckily for them, the “Devil of Hell’s Kitchen” has exactly the skillset they need.”

Crime And Punishment

Words by NeutralChaos (Ao3) @neutralchaos1 (tumblr) ; Art by @whispering-imp    

“You know… One of these days somebody’s gonna ask you what you’re stashing under your throne and then what are you going to do?” He asks, amusement clear in his tone as he pulls out the decorative box. “I mean I know that no one is going to be surprised when you admit that you’re keeping sex toys in damn near every room, because let’s face it, everyone knows exactly why you’re keeping all us around. But still- Hey!” He cuts off when T’challa gives him a small smack.

Hooked Into Machine

Words by @notlucy / Ao3 ; Art by @timeless-anarchy  / Ao3

“Recovery isn’t linear - Steve’s heard it a million times. He never understood it until Bucky came home and got worse instead of better. Despite the doctors and the drugs. Despite Steve’s best efforts to repair the broken parts.

Bucky knows there’s a malfunction; something gumming up the gears. Not Steve’s fault - never Steve’s fault. Easier to blame the bagels. Force a fix through unconventional maintenance.”

[hg47]

47 Reasons Why I Fear Islam - (Reason 35)

-35-Earthly Islamic success seems more about loot, taking possessions from Infidels rather than self-actualization. ++++------- http://www.amazon.com/Politically-Incorrect-Guide-Islam-Crusades/dp/0895260131/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1380255775&sr=1-1&keywords=POLITICALLY+INCORRECT+GUIDE%E2%84%A2+TO+ISLAM In POLITICALLY INCORRECT GUIDE™ TO ISLAM (THE) Robert Spencer shows through historical research that the temporary growth of culture and science in the Middle Ages under Islamic rule had nothing to do with Islam, but came instead from Infidels who served Muslim masters.  Even the architectural design for mosques is unoriginal; the foundational structure and shape for mosques was stolen from Byzantine churches, and only slightly modified to eliminate references to Christianity.  So when Muslims show pride in their fine mosques, they are being arrogant about a design they ripped-off from a culture they smashed: “We steal from the best!  It’s ours now!  Soon everything you have will be ours!” ++++------- tweet ~ Koran TweetNotes: Muslims are forbidden to become friends with Non-Muslims. (It’s OK to *pretend* to be a friend.) ++++------- http://www.amazon.com/Cruel-Usual-Punishment-Terrifying-Implications/dp/1595551611/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1380310980&sr=1-1&keywords=CRUEL+AND+USUAL+PUNISHMENT+by+Nonie+Darwish In CRUEL AND USUAL PUNISHMENT Nonie Darwish gets into the blind greed of Muslims.  Muslims dare not blame Islam for the economic failure of their countries of origin, because Islam is perfect; it must be the evil Jews who wrecked the Arab lands, or the Great Satan America.  Muslims look at the economic success of Britain or France or the United States, and think they must impose an ideal Islamic Government on these prosperous nations!  They will do Islam right on these countries.  In Nonie’s words: “They want to take over a ready-made civilization and claim it for themselves and Islam.” ++++------- A quote from Mawlana Abul Ala Mawdudi (the entire Islamic world considers him a leader who will be remembered throughout history): “Islam is not a normal religion like the other religions in the world, and Muslim nations are not like normal nations.  Muslim nations are very special because they have a command from Allah to rule the entire world and to be over every nation in the world.” @hg47 says – I agree with Mawdudi when he says that Islam is not a normal religion like other religions.  For that reason, Islam is more to be feared.  Other religions are after the soul of the woman or the man in disagreement with the particular religion.  (This is a slight over-simplification; doing “good deeds” and achieving “peace of mind” also factor into other religions.)  Islam is after the property and the lives of any man who refuses to bow down before the Islamic God.  (This is a slight over-simplification; women are also useful as property, things which must be owned by a male Muslim; things to be enjoyed sexually, things to produce future Muslim warriors.) I agree with Mawdudi when he says that Muslim nations are not like normal nations.  Muslim nations are abnormal.  Muslim nations protect rapists from prosecution.  Muslim nations are ruled by Islam, a set of obsolete laws fixed unchangeably 1,100 years ago, which Muslims insist must rule all men everywhere, which call for the elimination of the Jewish people from the earth.  Wait, didn’t we just go through that mess with Adolph Hitler half a century ago? Mawdudi didn’t quite say it, but I will.  Muslims are not like normal people.  Muslims insist that the holocaust never happened.  If Muslims lose that argument they say that the Jews got exactly what they deserved: death.  This is what Muslims teach their children.  Muslims, all Muslims, believe that the perfect written down laws of their God must rule all men everywhere, everywhen.  Muslims, all Muslims, take as their standard of reference for the Perfect Man someone who married a girl when she was six years old and had sex with her when she was nine years old, setting the ideal sexual standards for all men for all time. ++++------- http://www.amazon.com/Cruel-Usual-Punishment-Terrifying-Implications/dp/1595551611/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1380310980&sr=1-1&keywords=CRUEL+AND+USUAL+PUNISHMENT+by+Nonie+Darwish In CRUEL AND USUAL PUNISHMENT Nonie Darwish gets into how whatever wealth and power of Muslim states acquired were the result of jihad battles with Infidels. In the words of the Islamic Prophet: “I have been awarded victory by terror, so the treasures of the earth are mine.” ++++------- http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/12/opinion/12brooks.html A captivating article by DAVID BROOKS about the accomplishments of the Jewish people, especially the tech boom within Israel, compared to the Muslim people and their pathetic nations.  One conclusion was quite scary.  The Muslims may win not by nuking Israel, but by fomenting sufficient instability so the key Jewish leaders of the technological boom relocate to California. ++++------- tweet ~ Koran TweetNotes: The Koran counsels deceit in dealing with Non-Muslims. ++++------- http://www2.canada.com/components/print.aspx?id=b73e7965-830c-4c76-9601-f071e8fa3a55 Perceptive article by Robert Fulford on the emir-like behavior of powerful Muslims, where personal status is everything, but actually accomplishing something is a petty trifle.  This article also illustrates why Western notions of representative democracy will never work in Islamic lands, by describing a meeting of social scientists in the Middle East who accomplished nothing through their association but each member got a chance to make a fine speech. Lebanese proverb: “Plenty of ejaculations but no pregnancies.” ++++------- http://www.al-monitor.com/pulse/politics/2013/03/egypt-ethiopia-water-war.html Egypt versus Ethiopia: the first of many Water Wars?  Muslims in Egypt are so busy praying in military formation, bitching about the government leaders, burning the occasional Christian church, and blaming Infidels and Jews for all their problems that they may soon have no drinking water. ++++------- http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/26/opinion/friedman-backlash-to-the-backlash.html?ref=thomaslfriedman Thomas L. Friedman’s fascinating Op-Ed piece on occasional slight stirrings of moderation within the Muslim world.  Friedman is a great thinker with his head screwed on straight.  When he writes, I read. ++++------- tweet ~ Koran TweetNotes: 61% of the Koran is about Non-Muslims, the worst of creation. Allah hates Non-Muslims and plots against them. ++++------- http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390443866404577566770697427382.html?mod=googlenews_wsj RICHARD LANDES on Mitt Romney’s comments comparing Israel with Palestine. Some points Richard Landes brings up: 1) The Muslim leaders are contemptuous of hard work. 2) Muslim economic life and Muslim political life is governed by the Islamic principle of RULE OR BE RULED.  Cooperation?  Nope.  Compromise?  Nope.  “I win!  You lose!  Why?  My AK-47 is pointed at your head!  And now that it is pointed at your head, give me your wallet!” 3) Intellectual openness is un-Islamic!  We can’t have that! 4) Innovation is sinful and against perfect unchangeable Islam!  “Now memorize that Koran.  No, you missed a word, recite from the beginning, and shout with joy the part about killing Jews.” 5) Law & Order?  Nope.  Protection rackets! ++++------- Quote from Richard Butrick: We should never forget that “Islam” means submission -- the opposite of self-determination and Enlightenment values. ++++------- A quote from Amil Imani: Islam is a charter of submission. It is a sworn enemy of freedom and views the Cyrus Charter as heresy. ++++------- http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/dec/07/wikileaks-cables-saudi-princes-parties Heather Brooke on the astounding underground party night life within Saudi Arabia hosted in the private homes of wealthy royalty, revealed by Wikileaks. Some Muslims really know how to party like it’s 2014-jihad! ++++------- A quote from Mawlana Abul Ala Mawdudi (the entire Islamic world considers him a leader who will be remembered throughout history): “Islam is a revolutionary faith that comes to destroy any government made by man.  Islam doesn’t look for a nation to be in better condition than another nation.  Islam doesn’t care about the land or who owns the land.  The goal of Islam is to rule the entire world and submit all of mankind to the faith of Islam.  Any nation or power in this world that tries to get in the way of that goal, Islam will fight and destroy.” @hg47 says – Please note that Islam is here to destroy the American way.  Please note that there is no compromise with these people drunk on their savage religious laws from the Seventh Century; they don’t care about you or me or which of us owns what, because they are out to acquire all of it for themselves.  Muslims will fight and destroy you and me if we resist them in their quest to die fighting Infidels for the glory of Islam. ++++------- http://www.hudson-ny.org/1610/sharia-advancing-in-west Salah Uddin Shoaib Choudhury on how the wild growth of Sharia banking helps Sharia law to gain traction within Western nations. @hg47 says – Confess that “Sharia Banking” may be a soft-target for “Infidels Irritated by Islam” to attack.  As I understand it, the whole notion of “Sharia Banking” is a BIG LIE, pretending to be one thing, All Islam All The Time, while actually just covering up the exterior with Islamic trinkets and describing the transactions in obscure Arabic that hides the essential function of the “supposed” Sharia Bank.  In other words, ALL the evil and forbidden Western financial transactions proceed as normal, absolutely nothing is changed, except the obfuscation for the Mullahs and the Ayatollahs back home in Muslim lands.  Charging interest?  Check!  We’ll just call it: “Boo-boo-de-goo-go!”  Derivatives?  No prob!  That’s when the foot washes the hand while the toes hold the money! The only real difference between Sharia compliant banks and Western banks is the tellers with scarfs in the lobby and the money laundering for Muslim terrorist organizations. I know that Islam is never concerned with the spirit of the law, only the letter of the law.  But I’m wondering if the Mullahs back home “get” that by describing the Western financial transactions differently, that they are re-writing the letter of Islamic law.  This is a precedent. My question is this: how many other forbidden behaviors in violation of obsolete laws from the Seventh Century may now be described differently to obey the letter-of-Islamic-law? ++++------- http://www.meforum.org/ - awesome info on current Middle East events and Islam +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +Go-To-36+ +Go-To-Beginning-Of-47-REASONS-WHY-I-FEAR-ISLAM+

[lj-writes]

Finn does not give a fuck about your idols

Star Wars: The Force Awakens established the male lead Finn as an antifascist, anti-authoritarian hero, and he is justly celebrated as such. I don’t think people talk as much, though, about his relationship with authority and legends in general: Specifically, that he does not trust authority and has no use for legends.

This makes Finn a different kind of hero, one who is not only anti-authoritarian but anti-authority. He is not like Luke who was all starry-eyed about the Jedi and his father. He is not even like Rey who filled her starved soul with dreams of heroes, or Poe who grew up surrounded by legends. Finn also stands in contrast to the main villain, Kylo Ren, who turned his back on the heroes of the Rebellion and Republic only to bow down to idols of the Empire and First Order.

Finn’s closest predecessors are Han Solo of the original trilogy and Jyn Erso of Rogue One, especially Jyn who was the traumatized, world-weary outsider before she threw in with like-minded comrades in the Rebellion. With Finn, however, I believe the ambivalence about choosing a side is portrayed as not only a reflection of his trauma but also a healthy reaction to it.

This hesitation about the Resistance puts Finn in a fascinating position in the Star Wars universe and opens a whole new window into the nature of political thought in the Star Wars franchise. Here’s how:

It’s no surprise that Finn, abducted and abused by a totalitarian dictatorship, is hurting to the bones and angry as hell. We have watched him try to run to the ends of the known galaxy to get away from the First Order and, when Rey was taken, fight back with fire in his heart. We cheered as he threatened one of his abusive authority figures and threw her in the actual dump; we watched as he charged, untrained, at  one of the most powerful Force users in the galaxy.

However, turning away from the First Order didn’t mean Finn bought in to the Resistance. He worked with them, certainly, and fought for them. He befriended a Resistance pilot and traveled with, then fought alongside, a former Rebellion general. He is the Resistance’s ally, no doubt about it.

But Finn, even when he was risking his life with them and for them, was not of the Resistance. He did not trust them any further than he trusted and perhaps would ever trust any kind of authority. The Resistance was useful to him in helping him get Rey, but it had its own purposes that did not necessarily include him, a newcomer with a personal agenda.

So Finn did something that, out of all his other bold and heroic actions in the movie, strikes me as the most breathtakingly reckless:

[image description: Finn says in a Resistance strategy meeting, “I can disable the shields but I have to be there. On the planet.”]

He looked Leia Organa and the whole Resistance in the eyes and lied to their faces. He got in on their crucial, universe-saving mission by misleading them into thinking he knew a way to disable the shields when he didn’t, just so he could go back for Rey.

The brash deception flabbergasts Han when he found out about it. Han, who considered himself just the kind of charming rogue who could bs his way out of any tight spot and run away laughing, found himself faced with the real deal and could hardly comprehend the magnificence of an actual rogue in action.

(And let’s be real, Han was never as roguish as he liked to think he was. Guy could not charm his way out of a paper bag, he was always at his best when he hit hard and straight. He was always a paladin who fancied himself a trickster.)

Some racist shitheads have found this lying on Finn’s part incomprehensible, his motives impossible to understand, and cast him as a compulsive liar. Some even blame him for Han’s death.

Finn’s motivations really aren’t hard to understand once you look at his story and character as a whole, though. After a lifetime of repressive conditioning that he had just managed to escape, why would he trust any kind of authority again so soon, if ever? It would defy logic if he did trust Leia and the Resistance enough to lay all his cards on the table believing they would do right by Rey.

No, after a lifetime of gaslighting and abuse Finn trusted only those who had proven themselves trustworthy, and even then he exercized caution when they might have power over him. I’m sure he trusted Poe, and for that matter Han and Chewbacca to an extent, but he also knew they were Resistance and withheld the truth from them when necessary to achieve his goals.

Because if there was one thing Finn would never again do in his life it was follow authority without question, whether they be First Order or Resistance. A lifetime of betrayal had seen to that.

This is what makes Finn a different kind of hero in the Star Wars universe, one not immediately committed to a cause but rather one wary of all causes. It was Finn’s own moral compass that led him to resist the First Order and his own internal voice was what he would follow, not yet another organization that touted itself as the ultimate good.

Finn’s story is not about bouncing from authority to authority trying to find external validation; he has catapulted himself from servitude into freedom, and will remain suspicious for a good long while of anything that looks like chains.

Finn’s anti-authority, or at least authority-critical, stance goes even further than not immediately choosing a side, however. Did you get a look at how he treats the shibboleths of the Star Wars universe? His response to Luke Skywalker’s name? “Oh you gotta be kidding me!” Meeting Han Solo? “Hey, Solo.” Being personally thanked and praised by Leia Organa? Polite for all of three words–”Thank you, ma’am”–before moving on to what she can do to help him.

And his response to the Force itself, the power that connects all living things and ties the universe together?

[Image description: Finn tells an angry Han, “We’ll use the Force!”]

Yup, the power that binds the universe itself is, to Finn, just a helpful sidekick that will fall in line because he said so. Also note that Finn makes this brassy statement while calling Han “Solo” yet again. 😂

All this adds up to a character who has no use for authorities, legends, or gods. He’s had gods pushed on him since he was a tiny child and look what they did to him. In a universe dominated by divine lineages and larger-than-life heroes Finn stands out as a free man, unbeholden to any faction and singularly unimpressed. I suspect he will remain that way even if he turns out to be from one of those lineages himself.

What will Finn’s status as an iconoclast mean for his future story? One unexpected result of refusing to follow may be that he may attract followers. This is implied in the commentary on Rose and Finn’s relationship, where she looks up to him as a hero when he just wants to get out of the fight and fly away from it all with Rey. In smashing idols he has become idolized by many, and he is going to have to make a choice what to do about it.

It’s also interesting what this conflict of authority and individualism will mean for Finn and Rey. Throughout TFA Rey was consistently more awestruck by legends than Finn was. She will have her own disillusionment to face, however, as the new promo materials indicate. Finn and Rey’s conflict in TFA over their next course of action, whether to stay or leave, was never quite resolved because they went their separate ways before her abduction threw them into crisis mode. With the immediate crisis resolved, how will they work things out? How will they choose, and what will their choices mean for their relationship?

Seeing Finn as one of the few true free agents in a galaxy far, far away opens a whole new window into this fascinating character and the ongoing story. More than any other character he personifies the Balance, not swayed to any cause other than that of freedom and morality. His choices will shape lives and the universe much as in The Force Awakens, except in the next movie the stakes will be even bigger.

[isiswrites]

a manifesto- a call for the end of liberalism, and an analysis of the 2020 election

10/18/2020 

The hypocrisy of “both sides” of the political two-party system is impossible to ignore; every day the conservative and the liberal party become more deeply entrenched in their own self-produced agendas. While most critiques of “both sides” are often center-right leaning and are encoded with messages of propaganda against extremist factions (often misguided and identified incorrectly), leaving the reader with a dissatisfied sense of center extremism, this is a critique drawing heavily on a Marxist scholarship and grassroots activism. While most would classify these perspectives as “progressive”, that term has become synonymous with a Bernie Sanders “reform” driven ideology that relies heavily on blame and cultural classism. This critique of the modern political parties and the Liberal’s abhorrent approach to “voting fascism out” resides somewhere so far left that it may touch some ideology of anti-big government libertarians-- as the political “spectrum” is most likely shaped as a circle instead of a straight line with polarizing ends. What the libertarians would take up arms to (no pun intended) is the vehement anti-capitalist and anti-private ownership approach to modern socioeconomic and political matters. The only solution to a country in need of constant reform is a complete upheaval of all governing systems. Abolition is the only answer to a failing government-- this calls for the abolition of capitalism, the criminal justice system, and politics as we know it. The framework we need is anti-racist, anti-oppressive, anti-classist, and also pro collectivity, communism, and ultimately activist-driven. 

The fundamental reality is that while the two party system controls the political realm in real applicable ways (which bills are passed, supreme court nominations, and public discourse), the social movements that are heavily categorized by “two party bipartisanship” are more nuanced-- instead of it being as simple as “the right” and “the left”, social movements and unrest derive from groups that are challenging to define. It is not so easily defined as Democrats and Republicans or Liberals and Conservatives-- while the real tangible implications of political decision making happens between these two parties, the discourse that motivates opinion, choice, and most fatal-- violence-- is hard to place. Social discourse, the “zeitgeist” of individual and collective political unrest, and thoughts are taking hold in somewhat of a makeshift fashion, thus producing a diaspora of political opinions. 

This “diaspora” of political opinions, emotions, and identities is a tool intentionally weaponized by the establishment-- and I would argue, upheld largely by establishment democrats. Collectivism or true community cohesion is the largest threat to our government’s autocratic “democracy”. Liberalism and neoliberalism are founded upon a myth of the individual, and the power of communal spirit and collective action promise to turn those ideas on their head-- reminiscent of a Marxist approach to modern philosophy. The maintenance of the economic order of capitalism through the production and reproduction of us (citizens) as individuals is not the only or highest form of psychological violence our government commits against its own people-- establishment government representatives work to also uphold a cultural and sociopolitical order by restricting our ability to be communal beings. The fact that we cannot name or place these diasporadic social movements or bodies of thought and belief are intentional-- the two party system does not want us to know where to look to find others like us. The belief and acceptance by Americans that there are two boxes wide enough to fit us all is a condition of mass manipulation and the product of the most successful bi-partisan campaign our country has ever seen-- a campaign that prioritizes violent individualization and hypercapitalism above all else. 

We see this belief in the establishment and ignorance of the emotional diaspora of political opinions in this county the most clearly when we depoliticize our emotions and identity politics and examine the inauguration of Donald Trump, and the Democratic outcry and downright hatred projected onto Trump supporters. Following the thread of deconstructing our communal emotions in a capitalist environment, and for the sake of definition, “liberals” refer to people who associate themselves with the Democratic party and work to uphold establishment liberalism. Many Democrats would not, on first examination, appear to be this sort of establishment liberal, and would not identify as such. Put simply, moderate Democrats denounce the violent BLM protests, are excited about voting for Joe Biden, and express their distaste for poor working class Americans through their cultural elitism. The “Trump supporters” I am most uniquely interested in are not the rich Republicans who have historically voted red for “economic reasons”, but those who voted for the loud mouthed, highly opinionated, and violently charged man on the grounds of social and cultural disenfranchisement-- justifying their vote and working to excuse casual racism and xenophobia through their own process of being cast off by mainstream culture. To define a type for easier identification, I focus on the poor, working class, blue collar white american men who feel an attachment through Trump and the alt-right through their inability to grapple with or find identity through the left-dominated mainstream media and “culture”. We see here a battle between white suburban mothers who first expressed collective action in the 2016 Women’s March and the rural mid-30s white man who has experienced unemployment and seen his neighbors die from opioid abuse. We see a struggle between class, culture, and the hypermasculinization of the “American Dream”; it's a battle between two individual identities, one highly rewarded by a “safe” community, and the other cast away from its long-standing supremacy. In this battleground we see how Trump’s racist hypercapitalism was elected, and will most likely be elected again. 

Within a hyper-capitalist society, the only accepted form of communalism or tribalism is an association with one’s economic class. Liberals will denounce Trump and his policies, yet be the first to excuse their neighbor, coworkers, or dinner party guest’s choice to vote for him based on economic justifications. They will excuse the behavior of those within their class-- the judgement, conflict, and exclusion will only come at the expense of those above or below them. The problem is always “rednecks”, “hicks”, “billionaires”, and “the 1%”. Liberal communities refuse to acknowledge their own as evil-- a community of individuals that actively “other” anyone who does not fit into their morally righteous club. The problem is never “the soccer mom” or the dad who is awarded the economic privilege to be a “stay at home dad”. The problem lives somewhere beyond the gated community, beyond the voting booth, and far away from the public schools that are advertised as a selling point for property. Class solidarity trumps moral judgement or empathy. Class solidarity has been prioritized most effectively by the moderate liberal class; the villainization of poverty and a lack of education has not only worked to discredit an entire subsector of our society, but has also worked to produce its own supremacy. 

The 1% did not elect Donald Trump. Donald Trump will maintain power and authority because of the lack of empathy, care, organizing work that moderate establishment democrats have ignored over the last four years. Since 2016, there has been no true investment into closing the wealth gap or the cultural gap between the rural/urban divide. There has been a lack of cross-aisle conversations in a true, radical approach to community healing and restorative justice. While restorative justice often refers to communally healing from a criminal act of harm, restorative justice in emotional political cultural settings are centered on a harm that is not inherently criminal, and has failed to be named by the current administration. Establishment Democrats are angry with the “right” and morally just aspects of Republican and alt-right rhetoric, but their approach to navigating these very real and impactful issues rooted in violence and oppression is ineffective, and at best, shallow. Liberalism is still upholding the same values we denounce in our Instagram stories and Facebook posts-- Trump and the alt-right are making an uglier and more violent face of what liberalism has been all along-- the reason people are denouncing Trump and his voters is rooted in a fear of their own racism, classism, misogyny, and hyperindividualism being more visible. Liberalism does not want to disappear racism and violence, it does not want to reestablish economic and cultural classes-- it wants to uphold these through a more clandestine approach. It does not want to understand economic and cultural oppression in an authentic way-- it is not asking the questions to uncover the implications of forgotten rural economic systems and how hypercapitalism has ruptured communities (both spatially and emotionally). 

Liberalism has not only ignored the social and economic underclass, but has worked to intentionally create the diaspora previously referred to. While class solidarity exists across political party lines for affluent classes, the underclass is plagued with a lack of cohesive identity or central communal force. A true communist approach would be to respect the proletariat's outcries, understand their lack of identity and expression of hatred as a cry for help, and to mobilize to work towards a community that is not founded on class solidarity. Liberalism has rendered a unity in class struggle among the poor impossible-- there are new “layers” to class which have undermined the ability for a true proletariat uprising. This is intentional and has been done by the liberal class to establish difference and maintain “othering” among a shared experience. Poverty does not connect people in a meaningful way-- education, race, and culture (learned through exposure and privilege) have come to define the underclass on grounds more important than economic status. The unemployed newly college graduated art student has less in common with the rural construction worker than they do the aristocratic affluent class-- their sense of the world, culture, and their identity through their liberal education places them at a higher respected value than the “white trash” population-- even if they are at the same economic situation. Long over are the days of collective action on the grounds of economic oppression and exploitation-- class solidarity does not exist when the upper classes and the machine of neoliberalism has worked tirelessly to undermine class solidarity or communalism in general for the under class. Dismantling capitalism under a communist movement would have to include reshaping our interpretations of culture, class, and status. 

--------------------------------------------

11/04/2020

The 2020 election should come to no surprise, although establishment democrats are wearing a mask of preformative outrage. Their anger-- although valid in the face of an outward and violent proclamation of violence and authoritative power, with the newly added layer of a conservative supreme court-- is misdirected. While around half of the votes counted have been cast for a man who stands on the platform of bigotry, it is not correct to assume that half of the American people agree with his dogma. The enemy is not southern voters. The enemy is not “uneducated” racist individuals-- the enemy is white supremacy. Liberalism's obsession with individualism ends up hurting its own cause. The overarching system of white supremacy is to blame for the overwhelming amount of “red states”. Trump country is not a collection of racist individuals, it is white supremacy in action. Liberalism will call into fault everything but this truth, because admitting this is the true source of our political reality would be calling into question the validity of liberalism itself. 

“Red states” within the electoral college are not red because of the previously aforementioned “white trash” individuals-- voter suppression, gerrymandering, and state sanctioned violence against Black and Brown bodies are to blame. Southern states are more diverse than Northern states (urban areas, which are more diverse, vote blue). Southern states have higher proportions of Black residents, which is a fact ignored by liberals in the outcry of the red wave. Our government has worked tirelessly to prevent Black people from voting. This is a highly successful bi-partisan state-sanctioned campaign against Black people. “Both sides” have worked to uphold systems like the electoral college, have worked to barr felons from voting (33% of Black men have felonies in the United States), and created systems which are hard to access physically as well as emotionally through a long history of redlining and segregation. Many people living in southern states cannot legally vote, and if they can, feel isolated from their government. Even for those who register to vote, polling stations are often far away from Black neighborhoods and white racists use scare tactics to prevent voting. While external influences restrict the coveted “Black vote” that liberals viscously pray on and weaponize during election cycles, the internal struggle of identity, isolation, distrust, and inherited trauma make it hard for Black voters to believe in anyone. And that is valid. 

Trump’s tailing behind Biden in a “too close to call” race to the presidency should come as no surprise. Southern states do suffer from racism-- but not in the ways in which Liberalism is quick to accept. The violent individualization of people has manifested itself in the Conservative ideals-- freedom, private ownership, and small government are dog whistles for anti-Black rhetoric. Southern whites work to preserve the sham of freedom that Trump idealizes. They believe his empty promises of prosperity, recovering economics, and expanded personal rights. They see Black people, immigrants, queer people, and progressives as the enemy. They vote against their own interests because of neoliberalism’s fanatical obsession with the individual-- white supremacy as a guiding principle manifests itself as racism in the everyday person. This individual has access to voting in the South. Black people do not. 

White supremacy and neoliberalism are the enemy of all. The systems in place in America work to suppress the working class and isolate people from one another through violent individualization. Misdirected anger from poor whites results in violence, racism, sexism, homophobia, and votes for a bigot. Misdirected anger from establishment democrats result in a protective elitism that excludes southern and rural whites and reinforces their “acts of resistance”. The working class is experiencing a diasporadic identity crisis which results in the impossibility of mobilization. Neoliberalism and white supremacy is strengthened by these internal and external tensions. It is our collective responsibility to dismantle these systems and rewrite a code of ethics for our country which prioritizes coalition building, community strength, and empathy-- and the voices of Black and Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC) should be central to this effort. It is the responsibility of white people in power (politically, culturally, and economically) to leverage their positionality to incite Real Change.

[themurphyzone]

Oneshot: Reconnecting the Dots

A big thank you to @wiz-witch for beta reading! Took me three days, but it was worth it!

Another day, another business meeting. Scrooge dropped the last of the dull golden coins in the money bin. The coins were always in meticulous condition, but since that fateful day, the sparkles had dulled and the surface no longer shone brightly.

Swimming in his personal El Dorado no longer held the same appeal as it once did. All this money, all the jewels he’d accumulated over years of hard work and determination, sitting isolated from the world. 

It took a foolish man to believe that wealth was the most important thing in his life. In that case, there was nothing that separated him from any other foolish man, Scrooge supposed. 

He turned away from his wealth, climbing out of the vault. The hatch was shut once again. 

It was time to retire for the night and repeat the same routine tomorrow. 

Mrs. Beakley was already waiting for him with the evening paper and a cup of hot, steaming tea. Scrooge sat in his cozy armchair, downing half the drink in a single gulp. 

He picked up the paper, skimming through the paragraphs without interest. Convicts escaping prison didn’t surprise him anymore. In the business section, there was speculation of Glomgold opening a new factory in St. Canard. Given the criminal activity in that city, Scrooge thought his rival would feel right at home. 

“Ahem.” 

Scrooge folded the newspaper, placing it on the side table. He stared into the fireplace, devoid of any flames or coal. Nobody needed fireplaces now that there were heating systems. There was a basic one installed in the manor that didn’t cover every room, but the draftiness meant nothing to him as long as he could cut corners on the cost. 

After all, the cost of living had increased dramatically from the day he’d first set a webbed foot in America. 

Behind him, Mrs. Beakley coughed. 

Sighing, Scrooge turned towards her. “Beakley, we still have a few tablets left from the last allergy season.”

“I do not have allergies,” Mrs. Beakley replied coolly. “But now that I have distracted you from your brooding-”

Scrooge scowled. “Brood? Beakley, have you gone daft? I was only thinkin’!” 

Beakley raised an eyebrow. “I’m no dafter than a man sits and stares into an empty fireplace. You’re wallowing again.”

“The only thing I wallow in is money,” Scrooge grumbled, sinking into the chair. 

“Yet you haven’t done that in years. You just sit cooped up in this manor, only coming out for business meetings,” Mrs. Beakley retorted. “I know loss hurts, but this isn’t healthy. You won’t be able to isolate yourself forever.”

A voice in his mind told him she had a point, but he refused to listen. The events that had transpired that day weren’t his fault, he maintained. Accidents happened all the time.  

Being falsely blamed for Della’s death was almost worse.

Della’s loss, he corrected himself. 

Scrooge had little use for hope. It wouldn’t put bread on the table. It wouldn’t make him money. Though, in Della’s case, he would allow a small exception. 

Or perhaps he was just an old man in denial. 

“If I may make a suggestion,” Mrs. Beakley continued, oblivious to his internal monologue. “Webby has developed an interest in some of your exploits. Perhaps a reliable source could fill her in on a few details. Books and newspaper clippings only tell that girl so much.”

“I’m goin’ to bed, Beakley,” Scrooge snapped, reaching for his cane. “See you in the morning.”

Mrs. Beakley sighed. “If you insist. I still have a few rooms to finish. Good night.” As Scrooge shuffled up the stairs, he heard a mutter which sounded suspiciously like ‘stubborn old duck’. 

Rolling his eyes, Scrooge continued to the master bedroom at the end of the hall. As he passed by the door nearest to the stairwell, there was a crash on the other side, startling him out of his dark mood. “-we’re sinking! Glub glub!” A young duck cried out. “Put out an SOS, First Mate Webby!” 

The corners of his bill twitched in amusement, and he found himself listening for more. 

“-and the rescue’s a success! After the Beagle Boys, boys! They won’t get away with the treasure! And please excuse First Mate Webby, because she’s gotta go for a potty break!” 

A potty break? Oh no. She was coming out into the hallway! He shouldn’t have stopped and let himself be lost in a child’s fantasy. Surely there were better methods to remember his adventuring days by. 

He’d seen many things on his adventures, from the supernatural trying to murder him with an enchanted sword to so-called businessmen swindling local towns out of hard-earned money. 

But all the riches of the earth couldn’t prepare him for curious children. 

Scrooge took a deep breath. There was no way he could get to his bedroom without Webby seeing him. Maybe he could just turn his back on her and hope she got the hint? While he certainly wasn’t the most agreeable fellow, even he couldn’t bring himself to be that callous to a child. How hard could saying good night to a child he barely interacted with be? 

“Mister McDuck?” a voice said in surprise. 

Scrooge mentally cursed. Caught while he was being indecisive! Brilliant. Webby looked back at the slight mess in her room, then at Scrooge. She was in her pajamas, her bow askew. 

“Hello,” Scrooge said. There. Simple and to the point. 

Webby gaped up at him.  

Kids still said hello, right? That greeting couldn’t be outdated already. 

“I heard you, er, playin’ in there,” Scrooge gestured to her room with his cane, then brought it back to a resting position. The tip hit the wooden floor with a loud thud. 

Scrooge flinched. He hadn’t set it down that hard....

Webby’s eyes widened, and she scrambled to the bathroom without another word. 

Sighing, he rubbed his temples, turning towards the master bedroom when a sparkle inside Webby’s room caught his eye. Against his better judgement, he carefully made his way to the object, stepping around several plastic soldiers. 

The sparkle had come from the reflective surface of a toy boat. Next to it laid a doll that bore a resemblance to Webby, pink bow included. There was a wooden figure of one of the more physically imposing Beagle Boys, though its paint job left something to be desired. 

A book laid open on the nightstand, displaying pictures of castles. Interestingly, the book appeared more focused on the history and architecture of the castles rather than the idealized, fairy tale version of them. 

Mrs. Beakley had not been exaggerating when she said Webby had developed an interest in his adventures. He’d explored countless castles before, each with a rich history and hidden treasure to discover. 

Donald always tried to convince him to explore the castles built to house wealth, since he always had a habit of getting lost in the extensive tunnel systems in older, battle-ready foundations, Scrooge recalled. 

A tiny gasp came from the hall, shaking him out of his nostalgia. Scrooge whirled around to find Webby standing in the doorway, her tiny body stiff as she tried to make sense of why he was in her room. 

He couldn’t come up with a reasonable excuse either. 

“I see you enjoy castles,” Scrooge said, holding up the book. 

Webby was making eye contact with him now. Not everything that came out of his beak resulted in a disaster, at least. “I just wanted to know if you’ve ever seen castles. Are they bigger in real life? Do they really have ghosts and spooky stuff inside bookcases and stuff? Um, sorry for the noise earlier. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” 

She traced a shape in the rug with her foot, looking down again. So much for eye contact. “No need to apologize,” Scrooge said. “Ya did nothing wrong. I didn’t mean to snoop through your things. Just...my curiosity has never quite left me.”

He could sense an adventurous spirit inside this young girl. Suddenly he wasn’t certain why Mrs. Beakley insisted on keeping her on the manor grounds. Born adventurers weren’t meant to stay behind a wall. 

An idea came to him. “Do you like stories?”

Webby nodded. “Can I pick the book?” 

“Well, not exactly. Your grandmother said you were interested in my travels,” Scrooge chuckled as a wide grin replaced her confusion. “Would you like to hear one?” 

“Yes! Please, Mister McDuck!” Scrooge stumbled back as Webby suddenly rushed towards him, crushing his middle with a tight hug. This child had a death grip on him! What kind of training did Mrs. Beakley put her through anyway? “Can you tell me one that involves Donald Duck? Did his temper ever get you in trouble?” 

“Lassie-” Scrooge choked, gently poking her in the stomach with his cane to dislodge her. He gasped for breath, leaning on his cane for support. “-okay, I’m fine now. I’m fine. I’ll tell you the story of the Sapphire Swan. I promise this has Donald in it.” 

This was before the fallout, so there weren’t any unpleasant memories with this particular outing. Della hadn’t been with them for this adventure, since she’d had a bad case of flu at the time. 

But he couldn’t think about her now.

Webby sat down on her bed eagerly, patting the space beside her. Scrooge took that as an invitation, hooking his cane around the bedframe and sitting next to her. 

“The Sapphire Swan. Made of the purest jewels that are bluer than a cloudless sky, with eyes of sparkling diamonds,” Scrooge said, smiling when Webby leaned forward, hanging on every word. “Legend says that a rich lord had commissioned a skilled craftsman to make it as a present for his darlin’. But when the product was finished, the craftsman had an epiphany. His creation was too beautiful for a world of despair and bitterness. And so he refused to hand it over, nor did he accept payment for his labor. Before the lord could send someone to arrest him, the craftsman took the Sapphire Swan and stole away into the night.”

“Why didn’t he just hand it over like he was supposed to?” Webby asked. 

She was sheltered, but curious. He liked that, for a reason he couldn’t put his finger on. 

“I don’t pretend to understand why some men think the way they do,” Scrooge admitted. “But stick to your guns, and you’ll go far, lass. Now, the craftsman hid the treasure in an abandoned castle located in the Alps, away from prying eyes. Before he became a recluse, he attempted to send a message to the Pope that detailed the whereabouts of the Sapphire Swan. However, the letter was intercepted somewhere along the way, and has since been lost to history.”

“Until Donald Duck found it!” Webby cheered. 

“Um, yes, Donald found it. In his own special way,” Scrooge muttered. 

“ARGH! STUPID! FALLING! BOOKCASE!” Donald screeched. He punched the side of the wood, only to recoil in pain as he clutched his bruised knuckles. A book had fallen across his bill, and a sealed, crinkled envelope fell out of the pages, landing in front of Scrooge’s feet. 

He broke the seal, but only managed to read a few words before Donald’s rage-filled words were incoherent and deafening. “Donald-” Scrooge dodged a thrown book. His own temper boiling, he slammed his cane against a metal cabinet. 

Donald continued to kick everything in reach. 

Scrooge coughed. “Well, since I can’t grab your attention, CALM DOWN BEFORE I GIVE YOU A GOOD SMACK ACROSS THE TAILFEATHERS WITH ME CANE!” 

That shut him up. 

Taking a deep breath, Scrooge read through the letter. “Castle in the Alps. Located on the fifth peak from the border of Switzerland and Germany,” he muttered. “Gonna need a pilot. Need a cheap one too. This would be easier a certain someone hadn’t come down with the flu.” 

Webby giggled. “The record keeper probably didn’t like you two destroying his stuff.”

“No, he didn’t,” Scrooge chuckled. “We were banned from all villages in a ten mile radius after that outburst. Finding the castle was no problem once we had the crucial information in the letter. Finding a place to land was a little more difficult. At the time, I was used to a pilot who wasn’t afraid to take risks. The one we used for that adventure was paranoid about the terrain. Bit of a trade-off though. Only cost me two pennies a mile.” 

Picking her doll up from the floor, Webby settled against her pillow, giving him a peculiar look. However, it was by no means unpleasant. Enthusiasm? Adoration? Childlike wonder? 

He didn’t know. 

He rubbed his neck, deciding to continue the story before the awkwardness became unbearable. 

“The castle was on one side of a cliff overlooking a deep valley. We had landed on the other side. There was a rickety suspension bridge in the middle. The pilot took one look at that bridge, and decided that he would rather stay in the helicopter and read a book! Ha! I’ve seen Donald pull off amazing feats of cowardice and bravery, but his face never turned as white as a sheet when he saw a silly bridge!” 

“Donald is brave!” Webby pouted. “He wouldn’t an adventurer if he wasn’t!”

It took all of Scrooge’s willpower to not burst out laughing right there. Oh, if she only knew....

“Uncle Scrooge! This is a terrible idea!” Donald whimpered as he set one foot on the bridge. It rocked in the wind, creaking and moaning, but held steady. He took his foot off the plank and backed up.

“Nonsense!” Scrooge called. “If I made it across without issue, so can you! The treasure won’t just walk up to us!” 

Donald didn’t move. 

Shaking his head, Scrooge dislodged several long vines from a tree and intertwined them into a thick rope, looping one end to form a makeshift lasso. After giving the rope an experimental twirl, he threw the looped end to Donald.

“Just hold onto the rope!” Scrooge called. “Move forward, and close your eyes if you need to! I have the other end!” 

“See? Donald made it across the bridge!” Webby exclaimed. “He’s brave!” 

Scrooge knew a losing battle when he saw it. There wasn’t anything he could say about Donald that would decrease Webby’s admiration for him. Donald would be jumping for joy if he ever knew that he had a fan. 

Perhaps he could introduce them one day. 

“The castle was about triple the size of this property,” Scrooge said. “We figured there was something in there that drove people away, because it would be rather difficult to hide a building that size.”

“What if they couldn’t reach the castle by foot?” Webby asked. “Too many rocks, not enough people to carry supplies, or animals hiding in the woods.”

Scrooge nodded. “All three of those are good possibilities. Now there was a slight issue. The letter didn’t disclose the room of the Sapphire Swan was kept in, so we had to do a bit of exploring.”

Webby made a face. “I bet there were cobwebs and creepy knights all over the place.”

“The place was no different from any other abandoned castle. Same trapdoors, same dusty old rooms, and incredibly steep staircases. I handled the torch, which provided enough light to see about ten feet in front of you. I was nearly in the path of an ax at one point, and if it hadn’t been for Donald....”

Scrooge held up the torch, following the wall even though he couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of him. Donald took up the rear, flinching at a drop of water that fell from the stone above them. 

Searching the library had been a colossal waste of time. There was nothing but old book bindings falling apart at the seams and spiders crawling around the cracks in the floor. The kitchen yielded similar results. 

There were no thrones or flags that could’ve hidden a switch for a passageway either. At this point, one of their few options left was to comb through the basement. 

And Scrooge McDuck would never call it quits until he got hold of his much coveted treasure. 

The passage widened into a circular room. There were four different paths to choose from. Three would lead to danger or a dead end. Only one would lead them to the Sapphire Swan. 

He’d heard of the trick of following the left wall, but it always seemed absurd to place trust in an inanimate object to lead him where he wanted to go. Maybe there was a clue in the room somewhere. 

Before he could take a closer look at a ragged coat of arms hung on the wall, he was suddenly shoved to the ground, his jaw hitting the unforgiving stone. Furious, Scrooge shoved Donald off him with a huff. “Donald! You scared me out of my wits!” 

Donald groaned, rubbing his head. Behind him, a giant ax head was buried in the ground, a few cracks stemming out from the rusted blade. Several white tail feathers were blown around the room. 

“Lucky it only clipped your tail,” Scrooge sighed. There was a tiny speck of flesh visible on Donald’s rump, but the feathers would grow back in time. 

“Lucky it didn’t clip your neck,” Donald muttered.   

“Did you at least say thank you? He saved your life!” Webby had a surprisingly ferocious glare for someone her age. 

“No, not exactly. I can get sidetracked on these sorts of things,” Scrooge admitted. 

Webby folded her arms. “You didn’t say thank you, Mister McDuck! You should call Donald and tell him, because better late than never!” 

Scrooge paled. “Webby, it’s a little late. He’s likely in bed at this point. Or eating dinner. Or relaxing his blood pressure.”

“You could call him tomorrow,” Webby suggested. 

“Sure, tomorrow, why not,” Scrooge said quickly, deciding to quell this part of the conversation while he could. “We were very fortunate that the Sapphire Swan was at the end of the corridor we chose. It was on a pedestal in the middle of a tiny room, still in excellent condition. But when I removed it from the pedestal, the ghost of the craftsman appeared!” 

“Trespassers! Return the Sapphire Swan or perish by the sword!” The ghost wailed, his rags hanging off a gaunt body. He brandished his weapon, which glowed a sickly green. 

“Donald, run for the exit! I’ll hold him off!” Scrooge tucked the treasure inside his coat, planting himself between Donald and the ghost. 

Donald shook his head. “I’m not leaving you, Uncle Scrooge! Either we both go, or we don’t!”

They evaded the blade, their backs against the wall, glaring at each other. “You’re a stubborn one, nephew,” Scrooge said. “I’m covering you on the way out though. No time to waste!” 

“How did you and Donald defeat him?” Webby gasped, clutching her doll in anticipation. 

“Ghosts are limited to certain territories. The craftsman died inside the castle, so that became his domain,” Scrooge explained. “We evaded falling stones, clambered over broken pillars, and were almost deafened by the ghostly wails. But we made it outside, where the ghost could not follow. And so, we returned triumphant to Duckburg with the Sapphire Swan in hand!”

Webby clapped, her eyes twinkling in excitement. “Can you tell me another story, Mister McDuck? Please?”

Scrooge laughed, grabbing his cane as he slowly stood up. “You should be gettin’ to sleep now. It’s late.”

Webby yawned. “Aw, but I want another one! I’m not...sleepy. ” She sank against her pillow, curling into a tiny ball.  

“Tomorrow,” Scrooge promised. “I’ll come by tomorrow.” She certainly fell asleep quickly. He drew the covers up to her neck, removing her bow and tossing it on the nightstand. “Good night, Webby.”

He turned out the lights in her room, quietly closing her door. Mrs. Beakley stowed a featherduster in a supply closet, giving Scrooge a questioning look as he passed by. 

“Mrs. Beakley,” Scrooge said quietly. “How do children manage to be so...well....”

“Innocent? Naive? Charming?” Mrs. Beakley suggested.

Scrooge nodded. “I haven’t been a child in a long time. Webby can be though. And it should be kept that way.”

As he climbed into bed, his mind wandered to Donald. Perhaps one day, he would want to reconcile too. 

And they would be able to set sail on another adventure, as it was always meant to be. 

[sun-in-sagittarius]

Drunken Truth

Jumin gets too drunk and ends up telling everything that has pilled up in his mind to Jihyun.

This one-shot was inspired by a song with the same title, ‘Drunken Truth’! I listened to the EXO’s Chen ver. here. If you are interested, please do watch and listen to it!

***

The clinking sound of the tableware echoed across the hall, accompanying the guests as they were having conversations with one another. They were having fun throwing jokes, making new friends, or exchanging stories. The hosts giving the utmost care to their guests, making sure they were comfortable and enjoying the party. Delicious food and liquor came endlessly to satisfy their appetite. It was a busy, yet pleasant night.

Out of all the parties they had hosted, this party is the most rewarding one. They went through a lot of up and downs together during preparations. They learned something they wish they never know. They couldn’t believe it themselves, they always try to deny it but they couldn’t. Since they witnessed it with their own eyes. Everything they were always curious about, something that had been kept for a long time, they were all answered in the most horrifying way possible.

Though it happened a few days ago, the feeling of guilt and disappointment were still running in their heads. They were really shocked that after all this time, their respected leader lied to them, and hold a great secret all by himself. The secret itself… is the one that left them speechless. Someone who is supposed to be passed away, standing strong before their eyes. Someone they admire and love. Rika. They cannot believe their ears when Rika confessed herself that she did all of those cruel thing, just to reach her own goals and ideals. She hurt her own lover and someone’s precious family. Saeyoung was beyond shocked as if he was struck by lightning, seeing his own brother in that state. They were all dumbfounded looking at V’s condition. His eyes were severely injured, and he struggled in a lot of pain because he was drugged.

Jumin shouted in rage when he saw his friend’s terrible shape. He quickly told his people to bring V to get the treatment he needed. He glared at the woman who did all this. All he see was not the Rika he used to be fond of. Rika who always wanted to help people kindly. Why would she do this? What for? How do you have the heart to do this to human being? Let alone… your lover?

“RIKA!”

Jumin called out her name. Nobody in the RFA ever heard him shouting very loud like that. Not even Jaehee.

“You definitely will pay for your crimes,”

 It was the first time Jumin let his anger take control of his body. It felt like his blood was running backwards in his veins. He rubbed his forehead. His head hurts if he remember that again. How could he didn’t notice it? How could he keep it a secret from everyone? How could he endure it all on his own shoulder? Didn’t he said we are… family? Jumin took a sip of his wine. V’s secretive behavior makes sense now. Jumin started to blame himself for not noticing the pain his old friend has endured for a long time.

Am I really his friend? Or is it only me who thinks that we’re friends?

“Why are you drinking alone here, Jumin ah? Everyone is having fun at the hall” a gentle voice rang into his ears, making Jumin turned his head and found his childhood friend smiling at him.

“Jihyun,” Jumin averted his eyes from him. He didn’t really want to see him right now. He was ashamed of himself for not being able to protect him. V… should not act friendly with him right now. V took a seat in front of him. Jumin gulped his wine all at once, still avoiding eye contact with the blue haired man.

“Are you… mad at me?” V asked him hesitantly.

“Not really,” Jumin poured wine into his glass. He offered it to V but he politely let Jumin drink it himself, “Rather than mad… I’m more disappointed,”

“I… I apologize—“

“I’m disappointed at myself. Not you,”

“Uh? Oh…” he flustered, fidgeting his fingers under the table, “Jumin ah, I—“

“If you’re going to apologize, do it to the other members. You don’t need to do such thing to me,” he locked eyes with V, “Just… tell me everything,”

“Alright,” V took a deep breath to prepare himself telling everything to Jumin. He couldn’t bring himself to tell the members because it was something that is really hard to believe. Since Rika always showed her caring and nurturing side to the organization, no one would suspect her doing something like that. Rika held a precious place in each of the member’s heart. Especially Yoosung. That boy… he cares for Rika deeply and willing to give everything to make her happy. To Zen, Rika is someone who helped him go through his rocky career path. As for Saeyoung, he feels indebted to her as she was willing to rescue them from their abusive mother and take care of Saeran. To Jaehee, she is a capable and admirable person who does amazing thing through this fundraising event. To Jumin, she is a precious friend who can make him open up about his own feelings. It is not something anyone can believe unless you see it with your own eyes.

And V knows about Rika’s plans all along, so he didn’t want the members involved further in this matter. It is his fault that Rika become this way. Should anything bad happen to the members, he wouldn’t forgive himself. Their lives are his responsibility. Because he is the leader. 

“You see, nothing good comes from sacrificing yourself like that,” Jumin gave him a sad look, “You get hurt, everyone’s worried about you and doubted you… you said it yourself that we are family. You can tell us everything. Well, if you don’t want to, you can at least… tell me,” he tried to keep his composure. V fell silent, couldn’t give him a single word.

“This will be the last time you hide something like this from me. I usually respect it if you want to keep a secret, but if it’s something that harms you… I cannot stay still,” Jumin said with a stern voice.

“I got it,” The latter nodded his head, keeping his words in mind. Having a friend like Jumin makes you feel relieved. The heavy burden on his shoulder suddenly feels lighter. V was still guilty for making his friend felt bad like that. It must be hard for him to accept all of this at once. But he was glad that Jumin has a big heart to forgive him. The calm and comfortable atmosphere began to surround them. Both Jumin and V felt a lot better after talking what they’ve been feeling.

“Don’t you want to join the others?” V suggested. The raven haired man smelled the aroma from his wine glass, “I want to drink here. Besides, I’m trying to avoid any chance to encounter my father’s new girlfriend,”

“Ah, I think I saw her earlier. Is she Glam Choi?”

“Hmm,” Jumin answered with least interest on his face. He would always react like that at the mention of his father’s girlfriends. V chuckled at his unchanging behavior from when they were young. He felt a bit nostalgic. It has been a long time since the last time they relaxed and enjoying the night breeze together like this. It makes him want to tease Jumin a bit.

“Your father keeps changing girlfriends from day to day. Are you not interested to be in a relationship?”

“I’m not interested,” he gazed at the moon, “Women who try to get close to me, they desire the same thing. They only need my money. They expected something from me. If I show them how I really am, they will hate me and leave me for sure,”

“Heey, what are you saying. I’m sure there are a lot who can understand and accept you as you are,”

“Jihyun,” Jumin put down the wine glass, “I’ve lived like this for 27 years. I know it better than anyone else. I don’t need to experience it myself; just by observing my father’s girlfriends, I know at a glance that they only want a wealthy life by dating my father. I know it very well there are only a few who can understand me completely,”

“Don’t be so negative. You will find someone whom you can trust someday,"

“I don’t plan to find one,” he said calmly, “…you’re here, so it’s enough,” Jumin mumbled his words.

“What did you say?” V didn’t hear it clearly, and draw his head closer to Jumin so he can hear more clearly. Jumin refused to repeat what he said earlier, and refilled his wine to distract V. He started to get worried. Jumin usually doesn’t drink this much. But he tried to understand; Jumin can do anything he wants since they were at a party after all, and probably he wants to put his mind at ease by drinking. A bit part of V’s heart blames himself, it can be he’s the one who caused Jumin to be like this.

“I have few enough trusted friends as it is. I only have you and Rika. But Rika turned like that without me knowing and she did those unforgivable things to you. And you… what would happen to you if we didn’t make it to save you?” Jumin covered his face with his palm, cannot bear imagining worst possibilities if they didn’t arrive in time to save V.

“I almost lose you…”

V turned speechless. The pain he caused to Jumin was more serious than he thought. It was the first time he saw Jumin like this. He wouldn’t ever waver when he had family issues. But now, tears streaming down his cheeks when he talked about V, making him quite taken aback. They’re childhood friends, but V had never seen Jumin drunk, even once. Which is it? Is it because of me? Or is it because he is drunk? Jumin was about to drink again, but V stopped him by holding his hand and took the wine glass from him.

“Jumin ah, I’m sorry, but enough drinking for today. You’re drunk,”

Jumin took a good look at his friend’s face. You’re right, I may be drunk. When morning comes, I may act like I don’t remember what I have said to you. I would like to apologize for my current state... But there is something… that I absolutely have to say to you.

“Jihyun ah… we’ve been friends since childhood… and until now you are the only friend I can trust. Of course I can trust other members too… but I can be myself only when I’m with you. Just being with you by my side is enough for me,” Jumin said with affectionate tone. V became more concerned, he never knew Jumin has this side in him, it frighten him a little, “Jumin ah, do you want to go home? Should I call your bodyguard to escort you home?”

You foolish friend of mine, Jumin chuckled seeing V’s panicked face. Just because I’m drunk, don’t think that is why I’m saying this. Even if it sounds sloppy and corny, I’m aware about what I’m talking about. I’ll probably never do something like this again, Kim Jihyun.

“Jihyun ah,” Jumin looked at him in the eye, “I adore you. I want to be the person you can depend on. Please stop keeping everything to yourself. If you can’t carry the burden alone, you can turn to me and ask for my help,” Jumin patted his head lightly,

“I ask you to treasure yourself the same as I treasure you, Jihyun ah,”

V started to lose it. He dissolved in tears, the words Jumin said to him touched his heart in the gentle way possible. He didn’t realize how much he longed to hear those kind of words. He always put others before him, until he forgets about his own needs. He also want to be loved. He also want to be taken care of. And Jumin understands him the best.

“Jihyun… about your offer earlier…” Jumin laid his head on V’s shoulder, “Could you please call for my guards… I’m starting to get lightheaded,”

V hit his head gently, “Control your liquor next time,”

So he’s the type who will speak the truth when he’s drunk, V giggled at the sight of drunk corporate heir.

[drferox]

20 Questions with Dr Ferox #9

Here we go again vetlings. It’s been a busy week.

Anonymous asked: Do you have a list of breeds that have been asked of you but you have not yet replied to? It might be useful because tumblr eats things

No I don’t have a published list of unanswered breed requests. It would be a pain to keep up to date, and there are 27 breeds waiting at the moment so I’m not desperate to expand that list.

I haven’t made a list of breeds that I have answered either, for much the same reason.

@ridragon asked: can people get cherry eye or is it just a dog and cat thing?

Humans can prolapse their tear glands, though it doesn’t seem to be all that common.

Anonymous said: I noticed you talked about what could cause a cat to be fat but you didn't mention them getting fatter after being fixed? Our vet told us it was just hormones when she sorta "blew up" (got really fat) after we got her fixed and she's still fat to this day (its been like 6 years) she's not obese though.

‘Being desexed’ on its own doesn’t cause weight gain. It does reduce the resting energy requirements of a dog or cat by approximately 10%, so if an animal is gaining weight after desexing it is because they are continuing to be fed too much.

As many animals are desexed around 6 months of age when their growth slows down, many people simply don’t adjust the way they feed their pets and choose to blame surgery instead. I can assure you remaining entire doesn’t protect pets form obesity.

@amber-cara asked: do you have the same problems with tick-borne diseases as the US does? Like Lyme disease, Ehrlichiosis, Tularemia, etc 

They are not something I worry about, and have to look these diseases up every time they’re discussed, because they’re just not relevant to me in practice. There a few tick borne diseases up north, but that’s a continent away from me. It’s the paralysis I have to worry about down here.

Anonymous said: hey! so my family has a cat we got as a rescue, a sort of... strangely shaped kitten too young to be away from its mother. two years later i'm awake at 4:30am and stumbled across your blog, so i came to ask about him. basically he's got what i believe our vet said was a detached sternum? sometimes when you pick him up you can feel a little nub of bone sticking out. i'm wondering if you know anything about this & the health impacts it might have on him?

I’m not clear exactly what you mean by a detached sternum. If you mean a prominent xyphoid process then it’s unlikely to impact their life. However there are other conditions which reduce the volume of the thorax (flat chested kittens, pectus excavatum) that will severely impact their life.

Anonymous asked: Hi, love your blog! Is it common in older cats (10+ years) to lose their fur? I can't tell if my cat is tearing her own fur out or if it's just falling out. Her mother had the same issue, though not as bad. I'm a college student and work part time, so I don't have a lot of money. If the fur issue isn't related to age, then I'll work to get some money for a vet visit. But I'd like to know if it's that serious beforehand. Please don't think I'm a bad pet owner, I'm just broke.

Unfortunately I can’t tell what’s going on over the internet, but it’s not normal for cats to just lose their fur. The first thing I’d do though is make sure your cat has adequate flea control.

Anonymous asked: I wanted to be a vet tech but I had to put off my education for several years because of debilitating health issues. I'm in my mid twenties now but still hopeful I can pursue this someday and learning all that I can on my own. But I've always wondered, do vets even want techs who had to delay their formal education for so long?

I don’t see why we’d care terribly much as long as your knowledge is current. It’s more of a concern on a resume if there’s a long period of time with no activity, because that can suggest somebody that’s had trouble as a strong of workplaces and doesn’t want to list them. If there’s a good reason (i.e. not problems at work) it’s not that big a deal how long it took you to train.

Anonymous said: Hi! I can't believe I found an aussie vet blog! Sorry if this has already been asked but, what advice would you give to a young person considering studying to become a vet nurse?

If you’re only considering study at this tie, go get work experience. Go see what it’s like. Talk to nurses, especially the older nurses. Talk about wages and earning potential, even if you don’t want to at this stage because that’s the main reason people stop being vet nurses.

But other than that I have no experience myself being a vet nurse, so I say go talk to some.

Anonymous asked: Are there any good topical pain relief sprays for animals, for after they've had a wound professionally treated, so that they can be in less pain while they heal?  

Not really, I think there’s only one on the market, and that’s for sheep. Topical treatments only penetrate a few millimeters through the skin anyway, so our patients are generally better off with systemic pain relief (tablets injection).

Anonymous said: my mother keeps saying it's not worth to take my rat to the vet if they can't cure his mycoplasma :/ We already went once and got a round of Baytril for two weeks but it's back again and I just don't know what to do :( She says it's impossible to live if antibiotics because it will cause kidney failure ??? 

We can’t cure diabetes either but recommend these patients come in for treatment.

We can’t sure arthritis but still prescribe treatment because it improves their lives.

Something is going to be the cause of death for your rat in the future, whether that’s respiratory disease now or kidney failure in the future. Every treatment we utilize has side effects, but we use the because we judge that action worthwhile. Personally it sounds like your mother just doesn’t want to spend money on a rat.

Anonymous said: I've heard some people say that the adhesive used with some plastic cat claw caps can be toxic if ingested and that there is a risk of kitties accidentally eating one and getting sick. Do you know anything about this?

To my knowledge the soft paws adhesive is safe. The caps are so small they’re unlikely to cause an obstruction, but might be a little uncomfortable if pooped out.

These concerns would still not be a valid reason for considering surgical declawing of a cat.

Anonymous said: As my cat has aged he's not been playing as much. He doesn't have any weight problems and he still plays and jogs around some but he doesn't chase toys he used to love as much as he did before and he doesn't play for as long. He's a neutered indoor cat and we have a somewhat small apartment so I'm a bit concerned about him putting on weight as he continues to age. Is there anything I should be doing to make sure he gets enough exercise?

If you cat is not currently gaining weight they he’s probably getting enough exercise for his food intake, and if his weight is stable I wouldn’t worry too much about it. You can’t force a cat to exercise like you would a dog. I would be more interested in why he doesn’t want to play as much, and would wonder about arthritis.

Anonymous said: Hello! First, I wanted to thank you for doing the Rhodesian Ridgeback post! I really enjoyed all of the info, and I think it's great to know about the breed before you adopt. So I was wondering if it's common for dogs to be allergic to a lot of things (mine is basically allergic to everything) or if that's just depending on the dog (like some humans have allergies and some don't). Thank you! Also, how was your day? I hope it wasn't too stressful or anything.

Once a dog (or cat, or human) has one allergy it’s common for them to develop multiple allergies over time. Also if one animal has an allergy, their relatives are more likely to have allergies, though not necessarily to the same things.

Work has been busy and hectic, but home life is not too bad.

@a-floral-ghost asked: Hi there. I'm not sure if this is something you can legally give advice about, but my dog has bad knees and is on cosequin for it, which completely manages his pain but he's dependent on taking them every day to stay free of pain. Surgery would fix his problem and remove the need for medication, but is much more expensive. I've heard cosequin can cause harmful side effects if taken for too long and that worries me, but the surgery will be hard to afford. Do you have any advice?

If we’re both talking about cosequin the joint supplement which is mostly glucosamine and chondriotin, then it’s pretty low risk of side effects, even if taken for years. Dogs do need to stay on it every day to benefit from it, but the risk of side effects is very low. Low enough for it to be an over the counter medication and not prescription.

Anonymous said: My dog, a shih tzu/Russell terrier mix, has a really prominent underbite. Is this going to hurt him in any way? Should I be doing anything extra for him? Thanks so much <3

Depends how severe it is. There may be minimal difference in a mild case, but dogs sometimes have trouble chewing things like bones and may be more prone to dental disease. If you can brush his teeth that would be gold standard.

@orangecinnamonrooibos asked: Weird cat nipple ask - My male tabby has 3 extra nipples (confirmed by at least 2 vets). He has an extra on his belly near his normal ones, one on the front of his shoulder closer to his neck and one on the back of his neck. With each new or emergency vet I take him to I point them out - one even refused to believe me and ended up shaving the one on his neck to double check (yeup it's still a nipple). Is it really that uncommon?

It’s very uncommon to find extra nipples outside of where the mammary chain usually runs (chest to groin). The one on the back of the neck is especially unusual.

@clowderofcloudies aksed: Would you rather spend a year in a space station or a year in a deep sea submarine? (Assuming that both options have equal area and window space)

Depends on where I get to look at more organisms I haven’t encountered before. I get bored easily.

But why not a deep sea submarine in space?

@rabid-dragoness asked: Into any comic book heroes or stories? Marvel or DC? (Or something else??)

While I enjoy them in principle I’m not really into either at the moment. I have been a long term fan of the webcomics Order of the Stick and I’m hooked on Erfworld at the moment.

@ sketchywyvern said: Trash Bag is beautiful and I love him.

Trash Bag is a small menace and he knows what the internet thinks of him.

@ firebird766-blog said: Trash Bag is adorable. Does he scream at you if you don't feed him promptly enough in the morning?

Not yet, thank goodness. He has tiny little question mews but has not learned to scream like Wonka, who is deaf.

As soon as he learns to cry for food he’s not getting breakfast any more, and will go down to one feed a day. Crying for food two hours before it’s due is not welcome at 5am, from anybody.