#/ i had no access to my account for two days. it was hell communicating with the help center ☠️

[danhang]

taps mic ahem ahem, i have returned and would like to write you starters 💞 so like for a starter!

[storiesofsvu2-0]

Translucent

Alex Blake x reader Warnings: language, smut, teasing, masturbation, guided masturbation, sex toys, minor degradation, very brief choking. a/n: Covers a bingo square! and a req from @rustyzebra I’m gonna be posting from this blog either permanently or until the other one gets un-shadow banned. I don’t know why or how or how long that will take, my guess is that it’s got something to do with the community labels? That being said, this is under said label, so that this blog doesn’t get shadow banned. So make sure you have your settings set appropriate to see what you want and so you don’t miss any future stories. (Eta: apparently theres no winning. I post with a label, it wont show in the tags. I post without & risk getting shadowbanned. Hellsite.) Also if you see this and you’re writing for bingo, pls tag this account as the other one basically has no access anymore (hopefully temporarily).

Nobody was having a good time on this case and that was evident, everyone hyper focussed to make sure you could get the hell out of there and back home as fast as possible. The team had been back in DC less five hours when Hotch called to reroute everyone back to the jet, you’d only had time to toss laundry in and get ready for date night before it was time to grab you go bag. You changed on the jet, cursing yourself when you realized you’d forgotten to toss in what you called your work bra, at least your shirts were thick.

The grumpy moods continued as you deplaned in a small town in Texas, quickly jumping into the field to trace down a team of unsubs. You were in the field with Emily when you managed to apprehend the unsubs and when one of them jumped into lake with the hopes of getting away on the boat moored ten feet up you were the one that was a second faster. Your swimmer instincts taking over as you dove into the lake and caught up to them before they even realized you were in the water. Emily muttered something about owing you coffee for the next month and you made your way back to the local precinct, one unsub in tow. You’d left your vest on in an attempt to not get the chills on the way back, thankful that Emily had tuned on the heat in the SUV. Passing off the unsub to be processed the two of you crossed the building back to the meeting room you’d been using, joining JJ and Morgan.

“Woah, someone take a break for a swim?” Derek greeted with a tease and you shot him a glare, Emily answering for you.

“We’re lucky she did, unsubs in custody.”

“Our guy’s in the wind.” JJ replied with a sigh and the entire room felt the frustration sink in.

“You’ve got to be kidding.” You grumbled, half of your brain regretting diving into the lake, wondering if it had really been that worth it.

With a huff you ripped at the Velcro on your vest, pulling it off over your head to toss onto a spare chair. You could feel your clothes clinging to you, soaked with lake water, at the very least you were thankful you hadn’t been wearing jeans and that your make up was waterproof.

“So what’re we looking at?” You asked, crossing you arms over your chest and the conversation rerouted back to the case at hand. Everyone was more than eager to at least get back to the hotel for some rest and a solid lead would help that.

It was almost a full half hour later that Alex returned to the room from talking to a witness, Reid half a foot behind her. You had your back to the door as you updated the white board when Alex’s voice caught your attention and you capped the marker, turning around to them and Reid’s eyes widened, a blush creeping up his neck.

“Oh my god, y/n!” He was whipping off his FBI jacket instantly, moving to get it wrapped around you and at first you thought it was just because you were still drenched, but the smirk on Emily’s lips told you otherwise.

“What? I—” Glancing down you realized your misstep. Laundry day plus date night meant you were still in date night lingerie. Lingerie that was deep red, lacy, a hint of mesh that left very little to the imagination and thanks to your little dip earlier, completely visible to everyone in the room through your shirt. “Could’ve said something.” You scowled to the three who’d been there when you took off the vest, hands clutching at the jacket seams in an attempt to keep it closed.

“Didn’t wanna get in trouble for looking.” Derek muttered, his gaze on the file in front of him.

“Pretty sure I was with you when you bought that one.” Emily smirked in return and you rolled your eyes, glancing back to Alex.

Her head tilted, eyes flicking down you body, watching the way your shirt clung to your skin before she cocked a brow at you, her jaw hardening and you couldn’t help but gulp. While she always was a wonder with words, you were at the point in your relationship that you could communicate without them and she was making her point very clear right now. Alex could feel the arousal building deep within her already, annoyed that the case had taken away the opportunity to see you in whatever set matched the now very visible bra. Though, she wasn’t complaining about how erotic this was, on display for everyone to see. She felt the possessiveness surge through her, her eyes narrowing in your direction until you properly fixed the jacket so you were covered, you knew better, something like that was only for her to see.

You felt the heat creeping up the back of your neck, knowing exactly what Alex was thinking, that you were hers and only hers, even if the team didn’t know it. Daring to look her in the eye you felt your pulse quicken, knowing that she was thinking of all the dirty things she’d seen you do, all the dirty things she’d made you do and just how she was going to remind you who you belonged to later. You were aware that the conversation had picked back up in the conference room but there was no way you were hearing any of it, lost to the sinful imagination of one Alex Blake. Suddenly, Emily swatted at you with a folder and you were pulled out of your dirty thoughts, glancing toward her.

“What?”

“I said go back to the hotel. You jumped in a lake, you caught an unsub, I think you deserve a shower and a change of clothes, we won’t be much longer.”

“Yeah… thanks.” You nodded at her before crossing through the room and Alex’s eyes didn’t leave your body once, her lips pursed tight.

*

By the time you were warmed up, out of the shower and wrapped in a surprisingly fluffy robe, Alex was already back in the hotel room waiting for you. She stood from the bed when the bathroom door opened, a smirk on her lips as she sauntered through the room toward you. Her finger curled under your chin, tilting your eyes up to her.

“You pulled quite the little stunt today sweetheart. Wearing that kind of lingerie to work?”

“I didn’t have time to change.” You countered.

“You changed on the jet.”

“I forgot to pack another bra.”

“Sounds like someone’s making excuses.” She tutted, pinching at your chin, “were you feeling like a naughty slut today? Did you want the entire team to see what you were wearing under your shirt, because I’m starting to think that you did. Be a little show off, let them know how much of a bad girl you are?”

“No ma’am.” You murmured, “it was an accident.”

“Hmm.” She surveyed you for a moment, “I’m not sure I believe you. I do know how much you like to make it all about you, how much you love putting on a good show when you bounce on my cock. So how about you take off that robe, get on the bed and be a good girl and spread your legs.”

Your hands swiftly undid the belt of the robe, letting it fall open and Alex’s eyes dragged down your naked body, darkening as they went, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. When you dropped the robe to the floor her finger and thumb pinched at your chin, rewarding you with a kiss, her lips moving gracefully against your own before she nudged you toward the bed.

You dropped onto it, shuffling upwards until you were comfortable among the pillows, looking down to Alex who simply arched a brow in return as she slipped out of her blazer. Trying not to gulp, you spread your legs for her, opening yourself up to her burning gaze.

“How long were you in that room with your vest off? Hmm?”

“Not sure…” you could feel your breath picking up already with just her eyes on you, wondering exactly what she had planned. She frowned in your direction, hands moving down the center of her shirt as she undid the buttons, “maybe… half hour?”

“Well, then you’ve got half an hour to kill.” She shrugged, adding the folded shirt to the pile on the other bed, “better get yourself warmed up since you were in the mood to show off.”

It was only after a small nod from her, confirming that she was okay with you touching that your hand slid down your body slowly. You kept your eyes trained on Alex as she pulled a chair to the foot of the bed, pausing to strip out of her pants before she took a seat in it, her gaze landing between your legs.

“Timer doesn’t start until you do sweetheart.” She smirked and you let out a breath, your head falling back into the pillows.

Half an hour was going to be torture and you knew it, then again, that was the point wasn’t it? Your hand snuck between your legs, making sure they were nice and wide for Alex to see what you were doing. Your fingers brushed against your clit, slowly beginning to rub at it in small circles.

“That’s my good girl.” Alex cooed from the end of the bed, soft grin on her cheeks as her eyes darkened.

You took a deep breath, knowing that your time had just started, your fingers slipped down to your cunt, gathering some of your wetness and bringing it back up to your clit, continuing to rub at it slowly. Your breath hitched, your hips gently rocking toward the touch and you heard Alex chuckle. You continued on like that, wanting to drag it out as long as possible to kill the time until you uncontrollably moaned, your hips rocking up off the bed.

“I can see you glistening from here.” Alex mused, “why don’t you see how wet you really are? My dirty girl…”

“Please?” You whined, your eyes cracking open to look down at her with a pout on your lips and she laughed.

“Oh sweet girl, it’s only been four minutes.”

“But—”

“Ah!” She scolded, “did you want me to restart the timer?”

“No ma’am.” You pouted, your hands returning to your body.

One groped at your chest, pinching your nipple between your finger and thumb, repeating the action on both sides until both were hard peaks. Your other hand slunk between your legs again, heel of your hand brushing on your clit and you whined before slipping two fingers into your wet cunt.

“Oh god…” you moaned, eyes fluttering shut.

“That’s my girl.” She praised with a happy hum.

Your fingers began thrusting into your cunt, pulling out more wetness with each pump of your hand, slow and steady, ready to wait out the clock Alex had set. Your breathing picked up, little whines and whimpers leaving your lips as you felt the heat begin to build deep within your body. You shivered when the tips of your fingers briefly brushed across the sensitive spot of your walls, a moan leaving you and Alex hummed again.

“Why don’t you try that move again? I know how good it must feel.”

Knowing better than to defy Alex’s requests at this point your fingers sunk back in, curling right where you knew it would feel incredible and you let out a moan.

“Fuck…”

“There you go. That feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Yes.” You moaned, unable to control yourself as your fingers curled again, brushing against the spot and you pressed harder, your breath catching in your throat.  Your hips rocked up off the bed and you could feel yourself getting wetter, juices starting to dribble out of you as you picked up the pace.

“You may come darling.” Alex purred, “but if you do that doesn’t mean you’re done, you still have seventeen minutes.”

“S..so good..” You moaned, fingers thrusting deeper into you with each flick of your wrist, you were so incredibly close, your pussy fluttering around your fingers. It was never going to be enough, you knew that, but at least for the time being you could sit on the edge of the peak, hoping that there was a chance you’d be able to fall over it. Your noises were getting louder, including the wet sounds coming from your pussy, juices coating your fingers and slipping down to your wrist. Your free hand moved back to your chest, pinching at your nipples again in hopes that it would help you see stars. At this point you were scarcely aware of the sound of movement from the foot of the bed until Alex let out a breathy moan and your eyes shot open.

She had her legs spread in the chair, her hand in her underwear as it moved lazily underneath the fabric, when your breath caught in your throat her eyes cracked open, a grin on her cheeks as she noticed you watching, your own hand stilled.

“What can I say? I like what I see.” She smirked, “and look at what you’re doing to me already?” She sighed, her eyes closing briefly and you could hear her wetness as she slipped a finger into her pussy.

“Fuck…”

“Keep going sweetheart.” She nodded at you, “how about you spread that pussy nice and open for me, let me see how gorgeous you are?”

“Yes ma’am.” Your fingers slid out, your palm rubbing at your cunt briefly as you ground down on it, letting out a small moan before it slid up, fingers framing your pussy lips and pulling them apart. Alex let out a hum of approval, her mouth watering at the way it was absolutely shimmering in the low light of the hotel room.  

“So fucking gorgeous.” She groaned, “I’ll admit though, it does look prettier stuffed with my cock, don’t you think?”

“Yes!” You cried back in response and she chuckled.

“Shame. Your fingers will have to do. Twelve minutes left.”

You let out a whine but slipped your fingers back into your pulsing cunt, eyes scrunching shut as you began to fuck yourself again.

Alex sighed softly, the tips of her fingers grazing her g-spot right as you let out a moan and she pulled her fingers out, returning to lazily rubbing her clit while she watched the way your body trembled every so often. You were absolutely soaking, practically every thrust of your hand pulled a whimper from your mouth and if she wasn’t so heart set on punishing you she would’ve wanted to devour you in that moment. You always looked so fucking hot for her, but especially when you were fucking yourself, imagining that it was her fingers thrusting in and out of your drenched pussy. Her teeth sunk into her lip when her fingers pressed harder onto her clit and with a soft moan her fingers slipped back into her pussy.

“Are you close sweetheart?” She asked, her voice low and husky, words split by breathy sighs.

“Need more.” You whined in response and she chuckled darkly, the laugh morphing into a moan as her fingers curled inside her cunt.

“Just keep going.” She urged, feeling the heat building within her, she resisted the urge to let her eyes close, staying focussed on the movement between your legs instead, groaning at the sounds coming from you as you fucked yourself faster. The heel of her hand began to grind against her clit with each thrust of her fingers and she arched forward, her thighs tensing as she cried out, her orgasm hitting her.

The sound was almost enough to get you where you wanted… almost. Instead you were left letting out a frustrated whine, pulling your fingers from you with an annoyed huff.

“Please!”

“Please, what?” Alex asked, cocking a brow in your direction.

“Need more.” You grumbled and she glanced to the clock.

“Nine minutes left darling, then I’ll touch you.”

“What about a toy?” You pouted.

“I didn’t happen to bring one of those.” She shrugged, watching you carefully and she caught the way your eyes looked toward your go bag, lingering on it for a moment as you tugged your lip into your mouth. Her head tilted in curiosity and it was when she stood that your eyes darted back to her.

The blush crept up your cheeks as you watched her silently move through the room to the bag. She swiftly unzipped it, her hands sifting through its contents until she found what she was looking for, revealing the double sided dildo and she looked toward you with a brow raised.

“Really? You have the time to pack this, but not an appropriate bra?” Her voice hardened slightly, in a tone that you knew was practically a tease and you resisted covering your face with your hands. “I almost think I shouldn’t let you use it.”

“No! Please!” You cried out, tears of frustration pooling into your eyes, “I need it. Or you.” You pouted, and Alex’s face softened.

“Oh you sweet thing.” Grinning she approached the foot of the bed, “you’ve become so spoiled you can’t make yourself come anymore, is that it?” You nodded, your cheeks feeling hotter than any part of your body as you admitted it. You started to shift to close your legs, suddenly feeling very exposed but Alex’s free hand closed around your ankle.

“Ah.” She tutted, “absolutely none of that. You don’t get to act like an exhibitionist all day just to play shy now.” She dropped the toy on the bed beside your hand, “eight minutes left. You best make the most of it.”

“Thank you.” You murmured, your hand darting out for the toy, picking it up. You watched for a moment as Alex’s eyes darted from it to your lips and you smiled coyly at her.

Instead of instantly bringing it to your fluttering pussy, you brought the larger end of the toy to your lips, easily wrapping around it, moaning as you sunk it into your mouth. You sucked hard, tongue swirling around it’s girth until drool was practically leaking out of your lips and Alex’s breath was catching in her throat at the sight. Pulling it from your mouth with a pop you let out a gasp of breath, quickly moving the toy to your cunt.

“Seven…” Alex stated, her hands closed around your calves, spreading them as wide as she could on the bed, kneeling between them as she watched the way you slid the dildo into you with a satisfied moan.

You were finally stretched out, finally feeling Alex’s fingers on your skin and you almost felt like you could burst.

“Fuck…” You groaned, feeling your cunt pulse around the toy as you fucked it deeper into you, aching to hit your peak. Your head dropped back into the pillows as your eyes scrunched shut, your thighs slowly starting to shake with each push of the toy.

“So pretty when you fuck yourself darling. I should make you do this more often.” Alex cooed, her hands suddenly left your body but you were too far gone to care, not realizing she was ridding herself of her bra, beginning to cup at her chest. “be louder for me, how does that feel?”

“So good… fuck!” You panted, fire burning just under your skin, “but need more…”

“Dirty girl…” she chuckled, “what ever shall we do with you?” You felt her weight shift from the bed and your eyes cracked open, a frustrated whine escaping your lips once more as your hand nearly stilled between your legs, stalling your orgasm once more.

“Just wanna come…”

“I know sweet girl.” She squeezed at your leg before her hands slipped into the waist band of her panties and she pulled them down your leg, “but that toy has double uses… you’re going to come while riding my cock, understand?”

“Yes!” You practically shrieked, earning a laugh from Alex as she crawled over you.

You let out a very satisfied moan as she leant over you, capturing your lips in a heated kiss, her tongue surging into your mouth to silence your noises. Her skin was hot on yours, rubbing against your aching nipples, her hands ghosting up your sides, leaving goosebumps in their paths. Her teeth sunk into your lip and you whimpered, your hips rocking up toward her, the toy brushed her pussy and she broke the kiss with a breathy gasp.

“Oh that does feel good.” She husked, smirking down at you before her lips attacked your neck, kissing at the supple skin before her teeth bit down hard and you gasped. “Need to leave a mark sweetheart. A nice big one if I have my way.” Her tongue swiped over your skin, “make sure the entire team knows that you really are a little dirty girl, that it’s not all for show. Because you’re not a tease, now are you?”

“N..no.” You moaned, your pussy clenching around the toy when her teeth sunk into your skin, her mouth sucking the crook of your neck and you could feel yourself building back toward your peak.

As if Alex could sense it, she bit your neck again, tongue darting out to soothe the burn when you hissed in pain, kissing the spot softly before her and snuck between your bodies to line the toy up with her cunt. She let out a low moan as she sunk down onto it, and you mewled when the base between the two sides bumped at your clit once she was fully seated. She firmly wrapped her arms around your waist, holding you tight to her and rolled over, pulling you on top of her. Alex kissed you, tongue swiping into your mouth once more before she pulled back, pushing at your shoulders with a wild gleam in her eye.

“Well, go ahead. Make yourself come all over my cock like the good dirty girl you are.”

“Yes ma’am.”

You braced your hands on her waist, raising your hips up to begin to bounce on her cock, breathless moans leaving your lips with each time your hips met hers, the toy pressing against your clit with each thrust. Alex’s hands slid up your thighs, her touch sending sparks flying through your body, she groped at your ass, squeezing you, urging you to ride her harder, faster, making the toy move within her more, the base rubbing her clit just as she wanted.

“Feels good,” she panted, “doesn’t it sweetheart?”

“S- soo good.” You whined back, “m’ so close…” With each pump of your hips her cock grazed right over the sensitive spot in your pussy, your walls pulsing around it, juices slicking it with wet. The coil in the pit of your stomach returned fire prickling under your skin and heat soared through you. “Oh god… oh god…”

“That’s it… come for me sweet girl.” Alex cooed, one of her hands slid up your body, fingers delicately wrapping around your neck, thumb nail pressing into the mark she’d left earlier and you gasped.

Your hips began to move more erratically as you chased your release, feeling yourself right on the brink. You were about to open your lips to beg, but Alex could always read you like a book, her free hand moving between your legs where she began to rub circles on your throbbing clit. Electricity shot through you and you cried out, your eyes scrunching shut as white took over your vision, your body trembled, thighs shaking uncontrollably as you finally hit your high. Your hands dug into Alex’s sides, nails scratching at her skin while you shuddered, your hips stilling when she finally let up on your clit.

“Good girl.” She purred, letting go of your throat, her hands rubbing up and down your sides, guiding you to gently drop over her, nuzzling into the crook of her neck. “Always so gorgeous.” She pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head, fingers tracing patterns on your back while you slowly came back to earth to catch your breath. “You feel better now sweetheart?”

“Yes.” You murmured, lips brushing against her skin and she gently hoisted you off her, tossing the toy to the bedside table to be dealt with later.

“You think you’ve learnt your lesson? No more showing off what’s mine to everyone else, right?”

“Mmhm.” You nodded and Alex smiled.

“Good.”

She couldn’t help but smirk at the already purpling mark in the crook of your neck, it was high enough she knew you wouldn’t be able to cover it tomorrow. Even if you got slightly embarrassed, there would be no mistaking by anyone on the team, you were very much spoken for.

_____________

@svulife-rl @clarawatson @hbkpop @momlifebehard @alexusonfire @itisdoctortoyousir @temilyrights @alexxavicry @leelizzzle @evilregal2002 2 @alcabots @ladysc @dextur @augustvandyne @supercriminalbean @lex13cm @prentiss-theorem @happenstnces @whiteberryx @heidss @geekyandgay98 @onmykneesformarvel @inlovewithemilyprentiss @allyofcl @desperate-gay @amypoehlfey @overtrred28 @emobabeyy @1974-sp @theclassicgaycousin @kalixxa @leftoverenvy @bigolgay @daddy-heather-dunbar @regalmilfs4me

[unreleasedtaylorsongs]

Hey so, don’t do this!

I’m not dropping their URLs for obvious reasons (They’re both clearly newly made blogs anyway, possibly because they knew what they were doing was rude) but this is the absolute WORST attitude to have. There is so much to unpack here. and it’s kind of a bit comical. This got kind of long, so I’m putting the rest under a cut.

First off, just because you used the word ‘please’ does not mean you’re being nice or have any manners whatsoever. Second, asking a stranger you never talked to before for something, giving them a deadline of a few days, then telling them to ‘be quick’ and that you ‘need’ something from them is actually so so so insane. I learned that lesson when I was twelve, the first year I had access to the internet. Technically, I learned it before then, because the same rules apply in real life. You don’t talk to strangers that way in real life. Too many people online have this idea that societal rules, general kindness and basic empathy don’t apply once they go online, and it’s one of the worst things that has ever happened to the internet. Also, what the hell do you ‘need’ unreleased demos for? Like, genuinely. I can’t even come up with anything as a joke. And uh, “Girl I know you’re active.” Huh??? I don’t care that you know I’m active, I’m not giving you anything regardless of how chronically online I am since you came off so harsh and demanding right from the start. For the next message, I’m assuming they meant ‘pick up the pace’ which, again, is demanding something from a complete stranger who owes you nothing. So no, I’m not giving anything to anyone who feels entitled enough to demand something from a stranger so brazenly. No one in the unreleased community, or any community I can think of, is willing to share things that they have spent years collecting to someone who demands like this.

As for the second person, I’ll admit, I at least have to admire their dedication. A few messages (the screenshot doesn’t show all of them) spanning across two and a half weeks before they eventually gave up. Kind of like a crazy guy on Tinder constantly messaging someone who has ghosted them due to their obsessive behavior. And that’s what this is! Obsessive behavior! I get being obsessed with Taylor Swift and her unreleased stuff; I am too! But it is not normal to demand for someone’s entire library that they spent over a decade collecting, especially someone that you have never messaged before.

I’d like to add: I know I don’t own any of Taylor’s demos. None of the live recordings, remixes, unreleased, demos, or anything of the sort are truly mine. But that does not mean I didn’t put effort into getting them. So much of my library is ripped from YouTube way back in 2013 with a YouTube to MP3 converter, then dragging it into iTunes and editing the metadata track by track, then photoshopping and editing pictures so I can make album covers for them. Some of my audios are from Vimeo (does that even still exist?) and converted into MP3s. Some of my library is downloaded from Tumblr also over ten years ago from blogs that have since been deactivated. Some of my library comes from sketchy MediaFire files that I had to go through one of those weird shortened links that redirect you to the actual download page. I’ve used so many ad blockers and malware protection programs over the years to get so much into my library. And it’s not even easy to share either. Obviously it’s copyrighted, and although I have a personal Google Drive I keep a ton of backups in for half of the files on my computer, I don’t want that to get taken down if I share music through it, and it would. Even websites like Mega eventually (slowly) catches on and deletes your files and gives you a warning. A few of those and your account is gone.

I’m not trying to be rude, but I’m not rewarding awful behavior. I’ve done enough of that and have learned my lesson. I hope these kinds of people can learn, too. I truthfully think these kinds of people should spend a year or so doing it themselves: scouring the internet for carefully guarded files, having to go through the trial and error of this sort of hobby, having to go through the whole ‘malware or audio file’ game, possibly having people say they want to be friends with you just for them to leave once you send what you’ve collected. My point is that it’s not effortless. You do not google ‘Taylor Swift unreleased download’ and get everything I or other collectors have. And you do not get anything from said collectors by stalking their account to see if they’re active and telling them to ‘pick up the pace’ when they don’t send it in the time you allocated for them without their agreement. Just be respectful to those you want something from. Don’t use people. Be compassionate and considerate. Don’t be like… this.

[ghoulangerlee]

I have some thoughts about everything going on on ghost twitter right now, under the read more just in case:

It's not my place as an adult to discredit a minor for saying they felt they were assaulted by a man in his 40s.

It's not my place to accept any apology from said man for this because I was not affected personally by this.

It's not anyone's place to discredit a minor for revealing something that has been eating away at them.

It's not anyone's place to bully a minor and demand they show proof (how? how can you show proof of inappropriate touches without revealing yourself, a minor on the internet)

It's no one's job to protect other people's children sure but when you have a minor and then multiple other teenagers coming out to say they were made to feel uncomfortable by his actions, you listen and you listen to this carefully.

I don't know if anyone was in the Rooster Teeth community 4 years ago when one of the main personalities of Achievement Hunter got outed to be a predator, predating on underage fans and young fans and using his position as a content creator to solicit favors from them and all the other horrible things he did, but it started exactly as this did. A minor posting their account on twitter, being dogpilled by people not wanting to believe their fav could do something so bad and then slowly others started posting theirs. And then more and more and more.

At the end of the day you believe the victims. Coming forward about something like this, especially when it involves someone who has a following is not easy. Having access to a bunch of young fans as a 40 something year old man is not something to abuse by being weird with them and making them uncomfortable by flirting with them or being "sweet" to them. I don't care if you've never had proper PR training as a celebrity even minor, you don't DM fans that's fucking weird as hell with your position of power over the person you're talking to.

Even if the person accused is your fav and you don't want to believe it.

With that being said, for now I'm extending my pause on having Swiss in any of my fanfics going forward. I respect those who still want to consume and create fan stuff around him and who see him as their OC, but, with so much of him being ingrained in Swiss's character (look-wise, stage personality wise), I cannot under good conscious continue to write him for now.

Again, mad respect to those who can separate him from who's behind the mask, but this is a grievous sort of thing I cannot personally do. I don't make it a point to support people who have been accused of doing something so heinous. I mean I fucking orphaned and deleted over 40 fanfic of mine because I used to write about the characters portrayed by the two people at RT outed as disgusting people.

This is not like me being on my soapbox lmao this is just me stating my own opinions. Feel free to make your own. If I lose followers or mutuals over this, whatever.

If this all turns out to be not true then sure. I'd rather support a victim that may be lying than support someone who turns out to be a predator. I'm not doing that shit again because a few short years ago, I wanted to believe my favorite internet guy wouldn't do something so horrible.

But here we are.

Anyway, if you got this far <3 thanks for respecting my boundaries on this <3 believe the victims and take care of yourselves!

[5eraphim]

Hind of an odd question but how did you get into tf2 in the first place

i can actually tell u exactly when i really got into it bc i so vividly remember the exact day it clicked with me-

November 15th, 2022

i was having a mental breakdown in a roach motel (all i could afford on my own at the time) in austin, texas and i was going through a post-manic depressive episode, hadn't slept in 3 days straight, and was feeling all scared about the future, a romantic relationship was falling apart, and i was so far away from home, austin is literally on the other end of the country relative to home (and like it's a long story but by GOD was i goin through it-)

anyway, it was late at night and i was curled up in the fetal position in bed sort of staring at the wall while youtube was playing on the desk in the background. a video from a channel i followed for ages was talking about overwatch two bombing hard, and kept refrencing TF2 as a good counter-alternative and, by chance, youtube autoplayed a compilation of the "meet the team" videos after and like, watching that was the first thing to make me laugh audibly since i got to austin.

i deadass had NO idea TF2 was one of the biggest video game franchises of all time (somehow) and fell down rabbithole of lore videos, twitter meme accounts and like, really found this beautiful little community and one i wanted to join when i got access to my pc again.

like i realize this might sound kinda pathetic, but it was something i could hold onto, if that makes sense? and remind myself "life isn't pure hell, there are more good things to discover and enjoy" and it's what finally got me back into posting fandom writing on tumblr since a 3 year hiatus.

and heeeere we are today :')

[esta-elavaris]

I’m sorry if this is invasive- plz ignore if so! :)- but what inspired your spiritual journey?

Not invasive, I don't mind! Also won't be a short answer tho.

So I went to a very Christian primary school, not because it was Christian but because it was just the best primary school in the area but it just also happened to be Christian, and my parents were very laidback in terms of wanting me to choose my own religion - they didn't even have me christened or anything when I was a baby. Father is a fckn devout athiest, mother was a Christian believer (I do have a very fun story about her making my aunt promise not to tell my brother and I the proper Christian beliefs, because she wasn't willing to follow the beliefs to the letter so therefore believed she would go to hell, and didn't want us getting into heaven if she wasn't getting in, which is wild and very funny).

ANYWAY I believed in the whole Christianity thing for a hot second just because I was a six year old who was singing hymns every single morning so like, not surprising. By the time I moved on to middle school I didn't believe in any of it, and then when I was around? 13? I started dabbling in different beliefs, just because I was a big ol' goth and the goth shops do tend to also deal in witchy stuff, so I was always exposed to it and always curious, and I just always had a sort of sense that there was something there, I just didn't know what.

At first I delved into Wicca, it's the most accessible, there's sooo much about it online (the trick these days is finding witchy resources that aren't fucking Wiccan), I feel like it's most people's gateway into alternative religions, and the whole thing with Wicca is the concept of "the god" and "the goddess", so you're encouraged to meditate on the concept of those two deities and try to feel "connections" with them, but I could only ever feel the presence of "the god" (one god in particular, turns out, but I didn't know that yet) and never "the goddess" -- and because I'm me, I was like "o shit the goddess has beef with me lmao she doesn't like me". But I mean, in addition to that problem, Wicca just wasn't "clicking" with me. I knew there was something there in terms of faith, I could feel some sort of presence, but I also knew that when I found the right thing I'd know it.

By this point I must've been around 15, and I was pretty heavily active in the goth/alt scene on here on my old account, and there's a lot of overlap between that community and the Norse Pagan community on socials, so a lot of my mutuals openly followed the Norse gods, and I was just kinda like "...huh" about it, where something was nagging at me but I didn't know where to begin because it's a hell of a thing to dive into.

And as a general rule of thumb, if a deity is trying to get your attention, they're gonna get your attention, you don't get away with being wilfully blind for long. So I was getting all of these signs, but I was reluctant because this also coincided with the time period that everybody was losing their shit over Marvel and Tom Hiddleston in particular, so pagan communities were being fckn invaded by rabid fangirls who were using the faith as an outlet for the fact that they wanted to shag Chris Hemsworth, and the last thing I wanted to be seen as was one of them, so I kept it all very quiet and was very reluctant to get anywhere near it, especially because a lot of the signs I was getting did appear to be coming from Loki and my gut feeling deep down was that it was him.

So I was in denial about it for a while, I accepted that the Norse thing felt right in general, and deep down I knew the Loki aspect of it did too, but being a teenage goth in that period of time who tried to claim "Loki is reaching out to me" would just look fucking ridiculous (and idk why I cared so much about the look of things but I mean, I was a teenager, it's a given) so I tried to convince myself that it was Frey, but that didn't feel right either, and I did/do fit the archetype of that Loki does tend to gravitate towards in a devotee - abusive history, "outsider", creative - and his signs often tend to come in the form of spiders and I was getting a lot of them where I typically did not usually. And when I began to really question if it was him, I started getting MORE spiders, as if confirming it, but I was still in denial, so one day I figured "okay if I get a spider tomorrow, that's it, that's who it is." and I went to school the next day, and in my first class of the day there was a big ass spider square in the middle of my assigned desk - in a school that I'd attended for years, and never had? Random insects? So that was wild, I could explain that away less than I could the ones I'd encountered in my house, and that was when I accepted it, even if I did keep it secret for years and years to follow.

I've only started getting really open about it in the last few years - my friends have always known, my brother is the only one in my family that knows explicitly (but I mean, the others have seen the tattoos and can probably do some guesswork), but I pretty much refused to discuss it online for a long time because it only seemed to invite wank - but then I stopped caring and that fear proved pointless because people have generally been great about it, bar an incident with a lad who pretended to have the same beliefs a few years back in order to try and flirt with me 🫠🫠🫠

Another funny incident was for my 16th birthday party I had a tarot card reader who was also like, into spiritualism/sensing presences she kept telling me I had some sort of entity hanging around me who was "linked to horses" and I thought at first she meant like, a ghost, so I didn't put those pieces together but uhhh the main myth about Loki that everybody knows does indeed feature a horse, so that always makes me laugh in hindsight.

For a couple of years back in the beginning I just considered myself a Norse pagan who primarily worked with Loki, even though I never felt much of a "bond" with the other deities and seldom reached out to them with a few exceptions, and all of my daily offerings did exclusively just go to him, but by the time I was applying to universities I felt massively called to be an all-out Loki devotee/for him to be my patron god "officially", and then in September '21 I finally did a formal dedication ritual just to make everything official, but by that point I'd been living it for the better part of a decade, so it was just a formality. I'd already had his rune tattooed behind my ear for like four years by that point.

This is a vastly summarised explanation and it's already stupidly long - a lot of it is about signs and gut feelings, and knowing when something is a sign and when it's a coincidence, and in the case of Norse stuff specifically it is called "the religion that comes with homework" because there's just so much reading to do, but my overall story is essentially "Loki kicked down my door and made himself at home (and I wouldn't want it any other way)". It's not a one size fits all kind of journey, mine was actually made very easy for me because I wasn't the one having to make the initial overtures//I didn't have to "shop around" and test out bonds and see which deity/deities I had the best fit with, the biggest hurdle in my case was paying attention to the signs I was being given without worrying about "how it looked". I was very lucky in my case. Lad saw a kid Going Through It and stepped in. (And typing that last sentence has me tearing up, I cannot lie.)

And now I just try to live in a way that he would approve of -- which, happily, is also the way I want to live. Which is what he would approve of. Nice wee cycle there.

[doriansredroses]

I still miss Quotev. It was the only writing site I actually enjoyed. I had a phase on Wattpad when I was 12-14 but that was before I found out about Quotev. I loved it there. I didn’t know it existed until 2019. I may have taken quizzes prior to that year but 2019 was when an old friend in high school signed me up for it. I never used the account and deleted it.

But then I decided to go back to it. That’s where I met two of my best online friends. The first one, I met them through a Harry Potter quiz. We both wrote fanfics that were tied together in the same universe as our first crossover. Then I met @xxiamtiebrousxx. We're so close. We’re both in the animated Barbie movies fandom, so she’s the Erika to my Anneliese, the Liana to my Alexa. She and I started writing constant collaborations and are trying to figure out how to continue now that Quotev is dead.

This is what I miss most about the site, the community and the way we both wrote together. I miss posting some random thing on feed and tagging her or one of my other mutuals. I miss the groups where she and I posted things privately for each other. I loved how accessible the site was, how clean it looked compared to Wattpad, and that it was so private.

Despite all of the fond memories I’ve made, I am honestly relieved in some ways that I’ve left the site. I went through hell on Quotev. A lot of people bullied me, and it wasn’t just simple cyber bullying, it was blatant betrayal. I had one friend a few years ago, who I really liked until I found out they were talking about me behind my back. When I confronted them, it turned into an argument and blew up in my face. They apologized and we tried again. But then they started hating on me for liking a specific Disney character, saying that I shouldn’t be liking him. It hurt. I lashed out because I was struggling a lot with depression and suicidal urges, but once again, things blew up in my face. I was the one getting yelled at and canceled. I lost another friend because of it. Turns out, he was just a jerk and we were better off without each other. Another user started ghosting me because of political reasons and started another war against me because I simply asked why she hurt me. This isn’t even the worst part.

On here, I met this guy who I cherished. He was really sweet to me then and I helped him discover who he was. He was struggling with being trans and wanted help finding a name and stuff. I gave him one based off of a character from a favorite novel of mine, and one he ended up reading because of me. He even said I was his muse, just like the character he was named after said to the character I most identified with. Things got rough afterwards. He was awful with communicating with me when things went wrong. His solution, ghosting me. He then ended up saying he was leaving me, and I flipped out because it was the start of my suicidal depression. We split.

But he found me again on Quotev. He stalked me there. Right after he returned into my life, there was a story posted on an anon story account. The account was created for authors who didn’t want to post stories linked to them, but still wanted to write. The intention was great but the outcome was devastating. One day I decided to check the account to see what had been posted. I saw an interesting title. I started reading it. The story had used my real name, my high school friends, and was profiting off of my current mental health issues that stemmed from abuse and friendship drama. I had every reason to get upset. My personal information had been breached to the public and it was clearly malicious. It’s very likely it was him because every single sign pointed to him, yet he denied it when I confronted him. The story made me physically ill. Someone wanted to hurt me. Things only got worse.

That same guy kept pestering me, and being the kind soul I am, I allowed him to talk to me, but from a distance because I was scared. He did the same thing again with the ghosting and I finally snapped. I was livid. What did he do in response? He started posting rumors about me that weren’t true and ended up turning almost all of my Quotev friends against me. One of them who was always there for me when I felt like I wanted to end my life posted on her feed “I hope Willow burns in hell and never sees the gates of heaven”. I broke down sobbing afterwards. It was a slew of getting blocked by old mutuals for something I didn’t do. My time from 2023 to shortly before the shutdown was full of abuse. I had to change accounts a hundred times in hopes of escaping the pure hell I was going through. The drama ruined a collaboration with my friend. People stopped reading it.

And about that one guy, one of the rumors was that I suicide baited him. I was actually suicidal and he thought my depression was a manipulation tactic to keep him from leaving. It was the Quotev/Tumblr equivalent of baby trapping in his eyes. I had offline drama too with my family and also an ex best friend who pulled some crap when he ditched me too. Quotev was supposed to be my safe space, but it turned into my worst nightmare.

I still sort of miss it. Once I got things under control, I just chatted with a few friends and stuff. I don’t love Wattpad but honestly, I realized how toxic Quotev truly was. I was chronically online, I kept getting hurt by people I thought could be trusted, and without it, I can focus on healing. I’m still going to write, and I may leave up my Quotev account for drafting purposes, but that era is behind me.

I joke that the site shutting down was a fate deserved, but at the same time, I hate that it happened because so many people are grieving. I don’t know if I could’ve left the site without this and recognize that it contributed to a lot trauma that may take a while to recover from. Some of these backstabbing Quotev users are here too, but since we are now not in the same circle, I feel free.

After running away from the villains in my life, I finally settled on Willow as my online name. You know that it means? It means freedom (and willow tree). Willow means freedom. The universe might’ve been telling me that I would soon be released from some of what had been tormenting me for an entire year. I will always have some nostalgia for Quotev and I miss how easy it was to navigate, but I had some very unfortunate experiences there that I hope not to experience here. It feels good to get this off my chest and to finally feel ready to move on. I spent so much time bending to other people’s whims that I’d forgotten what made me happiest. It’s time for me to say goodbye to the dead site and live my life.

[bmpmp3]

I MENTIONED this before but I kind of want to start doing a bit of routine blogging about music! Just for fun, I'm gonna start with a weekly little thing highlighting some covers and remixes I really like.

In general, there will be a bit of vocal synth focus in these posts because 1) I am. unwell. about vocal synthesis rn it haunts my every waking moment i see parameter curves when i close my eyes BUT ALSO 2) the vocal synthesizer community has always been built on covers, remixes, parodies, etc. so its only natural. Songs will likely be originally sung by synths but vocal synth community adjacent songs are also fair game, and who knows I might get bored and talk about a completely unrelated song at some point LOL

BUT of course, the covers, etc. highlighted will not all be sung by synthesizers: anythings fair game here too -> human covers, synth covers, instrumental covers and arranges, remixes, anything! And of course, my dearest twenty still-active followers among the legion of abandoned accounts in our midst, if you have anything you'd like to add on feel free to reblog! I'm always searching. I'm always searching.

I'm not sure if I'll keep this up or how things will go but. well. it's my blog, so we will have a bit of fun! For now, I will call these posts..............Cover-Remix Weekend (I am very good at misjudging how well I can keep to schedule so I'm gonna give myself a two day window to do this LOL and maybe I might post 2......the future is a mystery) for now at least. Maybe someday I will think of a better name (I will probably not) <3

SO with all that out of the way, to begin our very first Cover-Remix Weekend, let's go with a real classic: Koi wa Sensou (恋は戦争) (en: Love is War) by Ryo of Supercell!

You know Ryo, the Melt guy, the World is Mine guy, the Black Rock Shooter guy, the... well, he only worked with Vocaloid specifically for a few years before moving onto other things - but like basically every Vocaloid song he put out ended up becoming a huge vocal synth classic so that's one hell of a legacy for the community.

Koi wa Sensou specifically is one of my favourites: using Miku on the vocals (likely her original Vocaloid 2 release since the song came out in 2008 and I don't think her appends came out until a couple years later), it's a moody, intensely late-00s rock song, brings to mind some of the Linkin Park albums I listened to so much growing up: maybe that's why for years in middle school this was my favourite Vocaloid song...

Really strong, I love a good rock-y tune but what I love most is when there's quiet bits to push up the louder parts, some of those background twinkly synth keyboard sounds (?) really amp it up for me, plus that second verse fuzzy radio effect on the vocals + the reverb. God I love reverb. You can never take reverb away from me. She's my wife. Anyway the song is a love triangle with the singer declaring "war" in her (likely futile) pursuits of her love's affection. Good stuff!

And of course we can't forget this 3D music video by kkkk! Genuinely still really cool looking in my opinion:

(Sorry if the NND links aren't accessible without an account, I forgot if it's still restricted or not. I'm sure it's available on streaming somewhere though, check it out!)

You know, the first Vocaloid song I ever heard was... Melt (like a lot of people at the time LOL) BUT the very first time I had ever heard an utaite (cover singers basically for those who aren't familiar) was with a cover of Koi wa Sensou! Specifically, I was, again, still in middle school, looking up Vocaloid songs on Youtube and stumbling across a half-mislabelled reupload of this cover:

The reupload was called "Love is War - Kaito" with no specification of the singer or credits or anything. It was the way the scene was on Youtube in '08 unfortunately <3

This cover is actually by Nodoame (のど飴), an utaite who was pretty popular in the early days! It seems he's not really active anymore, but his covers were really nice, he's got a solid medium tone with a lot of power and expression. A nice nasal tone + some great bits of distortion on his vocals - one thing you will learn about me through these posts is what my vocal tastes are, and one thing specifically is how much I LOVE screaming HJEKDSJHlkdsfdsfds but for real the "ore no aishaku wo" at the end of that first chorus is fantastic.

Now, the reason I said "half-mislabelled" is because as the video for Nodoame's cover implies, the version of Koi wa Sensou he's singing is not the same as the Hatsune Miku sung original: the lyrics were changed! "Ai wa Sensou" (愛は戦争):

PROBABLY so Kaito and in turn, Nodoame, wouldn't have to sing about their skirts fluttering in the wind. It was 2008 and gendered language changing sure was the thing LOL I don't see it very often anymore, in general music regardless of language nor in vocal synth music specifically: people tend to just keep pronouns and other gendered terms the same nowadays since it doesn't matter too much + you don't have to worry about cadence in changes and such. But it's interesting, a few older Vocaloid tunes I'll talk about will probably have something similar -> lyric-changed versions for different characters, etc.

Now for something a little bit newer (although still nearly a decade old...) The Mwk remix!

A fun wubby and bwaaaaaa-y remix with an upped pace. I like this remix but I'm not super huge into it by itself - but you know who was enamoured by it? The vocal synth cover community LOL I'm not totally sure why it got so popular, maybe because it was a popular remix already + someone released an UST? Sometimes that's all that's needed to get us going, some project files so we don't have to try to make a midi ourselves <3 but that's just me, there might be something else.

But back on topic, what I do love is the covers people make of this remix, people have so much fun and it always sounds SO good! A classic is this Defoko cover by kimchi-tan:

Some quick background for those who aren't familiar (a couple IRL friends follow me blog and I am thinking of them when I write these kind of messy explanations. Hewwo fwiends) Uta Utane also known as Defoko (defaultina........) is the default voice built into the free vocal synthesizer program UTAU.

Sidetrack explanation incoming: UTAU is unique in that it was one of the earliest (or maybe the earliest?) vocal synth software that lets anyone make their own voicebanks just by recording audio and writing a configuration file! There are many ways an UTAU vocal synth can be made, and it largely has to do with the way they are recorded and how those recordings play together. For Japanese specifically, two of the most popular recording methods is CV and VCV, consonant-vowel and vowel-consonant-vowel respectively. CV is the easiest and simplest recording method, it doesn't take too long and its a small list of recordings needed to make up Japanese words: each record is a single syllable with every vowel sound + every consonant attached to every vowel, maybe an AH あ sound and then an EE (い) sound, then a BAH (ば) sound and a BEE (び) sound, etc. While this is small, quick, and very solid, it can sound a little choppy since each syllable recording is just silence and then the consonant and vowel, all being stitched together by the program. This is where VCV comes in: instead of recording each syllable individual, you record a string of syllables transitioning together ("AaAhEeAhOohEhAh" type deal) so the program can place the tiniest transition sound between two notes, instead of, say, saying the word baby (I know I'm using english to explain a Japanese recording system shhhh) in CV it would be like. BEH. BEE. vs VCV it would be like BEH. yBEE. that little "y" being the transition sound as it fades one audio file to the next. Lot of recording work but it can sound fantastic, honestly there's plenty of VCV UTAU voicebanks I think sound more high quality and smoother than commercial synths even. Although don't get me wrong, I do love the robotic choppy sound of a CV bank a lot too!

ANYWAY explanation sidetrack over, back on topic: Defoko is interesting in that her recordings were not from a person directly recording for UTAU like most UTAU voicebanks are: they were from a text-to-speech software a la Microsoft Sam, MacinTalk, etc. She has a very unique voice because of this double-synthesis nature: first her voice (Josei 1 in AquesTalk) was synthesized to say basic syllables in a speaking voice, and then those audio files were put into UTAU and stretched and looped to be sung! Really neat. Also this is why I know so much about speech synthesis in general btw, once you get into vocal synths this is what happens to you LOL

Anyway Defoko is a CV bank, but sometimes people will take the original AquesTalk software to make their own VCV banks with the same voice. It's kind of a legal gray area from what I can tell, the guy who makes UTAU has permission from AquesTalk to distribute Defoko in his program if I remember correctly but no one else does - so you won't see any downloads for a Defoko VCV, you can make one yourself for personal use though and people don't really mind! Distribution rights are a big and sometimes messy thing in vocal synth.

BUT what I'm trying to get at is Defoko has a really unique, moody sound to her because of her unusual origins which already works great for this Koi wa Sensou remix, but combined with the smoother sound of the VCV recording method plus kimchi-tan's tuning, this cover sounds really expressive! I love the softer, breathy "baka da na" before the powerful "watashi" before the first chorus especially.

And another Mwk remix cover I like, this one this one by Andyfined - P featuring an early SynthV Editor (pre-SynthV Studio!) version of Genbu:

I'm assuming based off the description this may have been a beta version of Genbu specifically (I don't remember 2019 super well in regards to vocal synths so I forget his release trajectory orz) but I think he sounds really great here, Genbu's legacy versions have this really nice steadiness in his vocals that I do love.

ONE MORE THING one more thing I prommy I'm almost done. I'm almost done. For today *ominous horror movie music starts playing*

While looking around for title translations I found out that there was a remix project for Koi wa Sensou! It really was like one of the biggest vocaloid songs out there huh... Anyway, Eager Love Revenge is the name, released at Comiket 76, check it out if you have the chance and you just can't get enough of Koi wa Sensou. I haven't listened to it all yet but I'm really enjoying the NTMG Mix by baker (ARPK + Fluffoughts composer if you're familiar):

I like this producer's house-y style work a lot! The chorus sounds great especially.

AND that is all..........................................................for now. The thing is I really love covers, remixes, all that - I know we all always say we're addicted to music but for me I really am like. Insatiable. Sometimes you love a song so much you need it MORE, not music similar to it but just "MORE"... stuff like this really scratches that itch for me. It really is a way to get MORE of something that there is only one of. I've mentioned before that I'm greedy with music, gluttonous about it, but isn't that a nice thing to be greedy about... it's something so easily shared!

And so I take my leave, thank u and goodnight. (flutters my skirt the wrong way and falls off the radio tower to my doom never to be seen again)

[schooltrashers]

Debating a LYING braindead idiot

So it looks like he wasn't done looking like an idiot, he had to continue playing defense for Che and Communism. It reminds me of when I debated against an idiot who defended Hitler and Nazism. The murderous history of Hitler, Che, Stalin, Mao, Nazis, and Commies should be enough reason for any sane individual to be against Nazis, Commies, and murderous dictators. But apparently, neither he nor the Nazi I've argued against are sane. So let's begin with this idiot (@skorpiontongue) complimenting himself, thinking I wouldn't notice he's using an alt account.

Chapter 1: Alt Compliments

I've seen this type of action before where a Leftist would use an alt-account to complement himself on Tumblr, Discord, Twitter and other social media sites. The one on Discord was the easiest to spot because it came from a new user who joined the discord. How sad and pathetic does one has to be to compliment himself in a short amount of time? He did it on the same day of his post. As if he were impatient to wait a day or two. He was likely trying to get my attention as soon as he made his post, while I was away from my computer. I'm usually either working, spending quality time with my girlfriend or on my phone doing my thing on social media. Anyways I think he does this for attention, because he sure as hell ain't getting it at home(most likely living in his parents basement due to commies being "anti-work") or at the public library where he is most likely accessing the internet.

"ur so based fr"? You ain't fooling anybody.

Chapter 2: Projection

The one thing The Left are caught doing all the time is accusing people of the very same things The Left are guilty of doing themselves. He thinks I'm a "wolf in sheeps clothing". Which is completely false because unlike him, I've always fought against totalitarian and extremist views. It did not matter which side of the political spectrum the totalitarians and extremists come from, I condemn them all for their horrible actions. For example I've always been against Nazis and the KKK for their evil actions. Ever since learning about them in history class, I've always condemn Nazis and the KKK. I condemn Commies and Antifa for the very same reasons, due to their violent and murderous actions, especially since Antifa killed innocent black people in their CHOP/CHAZ zones such as Secoreia Turner, Horace Lorenzo Anderson Jr, and David Dorn. Want to know how I heard about their deaths? Through Newsmax, Steven Crowder and other conservative media. They will not talk about them in Left-wing news media because their deaths go against their narrative and it makes them look bad. The real wolf in sheep's clothing are the Left who pretend to care about black lives and yet ignore the innocent black lives who were murdered by Antifa/Commies/BLM members. The Left in your eyes can do no wrong. Luckily for me, I'm not so blind to the truth. I'll speak against both the Left or the Right if I disagree with them and their actions. For example I'm against Bush for invading Iraq and falsely claiming that there were weapons of mass destruction. I'm also against Bush for initiating the Patriot Act and I'm against Obama for continuing the Patriot Act. I recognize the corruption in both parties and right now the only politicians who are actually trustworthy are MAGA Republicans and Tulsi Gabbard(a former Democrat turned Independent). Tulsi Gabbard was slandered and lied about by Democrats who falsely accused her of being a "Russian Asset", even Mitt Romney was slandering her. She was also censored by Big Tech. Which reminds me, Biden falsely accuses Trump of corruption and yet his deals with Ukraine(before the war) and Hunter Biden's Laptop story being covered up by the mainstream media and social media made it quite clear to me that Biden is the corrupt one. Not that you would be smart enough to figure that out since you're a braindead commie who can't even come up with an original format, copying my chapter format in this debate.

Speaking of Commies, he goes on a nonsensical rant defending a murderous commie dictator(Che). At this point he may as well defend Hitler and deny that the Holocaust happened. But since I've already destroyed his argument on Che, we'll move onto the next chapter.

Chapter 3: "I swear I'm not a racist" - Said the commie.

Your lack of reading comphension and understanding the context of what I'm saying, shows just how braindead you are. I brought up the Democratic Party for one reason. Their claim of the "parties switching" and comparing it to your claims of Che "changing". It's not that hard to figure out numbnuts. If you look at Trump's history, he was the first in the state of Florida to allow blacks and Jews in his club. The Democrats history on the other hand created the KKK, tried to continue slavery in the Civil War, shot Abraham Lincoln, they voted for a racist President(Biden), as well as voting for an anti-semitic bitch(Ilhan Omar). So of course you would vote Democratic because you're either a dumbass believing in their lies or you agree with their racism/anti-semitism and don't give a shit if they're lying, covering shit up to protect themselves through censorship and trying to deplatform conservatives along the way. Best choice my ass.

Your racism comes from stereotyping big strong black men as "violent", using Terry Crews as an example, which makes no sense due to the fact that he's a classy guy and not at all as how you perceive him as(a violent big strong black guy). If you're going to use a strong big black guy who is violent or may have violent tendency, Mike Tyson would have been a better example, he's had a history of beating up people(in a professional sport), as well as biting off the ear of a fellow boxer. Or a fictional character like Major Payne(one of my favorite movies from my teenage years), since he's badass enough to kick anybody's ass without breaking a sweat and he would have been a more positive example due to his badassery.

It does not surprise me that you're uninformed about Cuba. People's rights are being violated, hence the protests. The people in Cuba want liberty. Something Commies or The Left in general has no true understanding of because if they did, they wouldn't actively censor people they disagree with, nor would they try to ban guns or deplatform conservatives. Diversity of thought, freedom of speech and gun rights is what the Left are actively fighting against. Without diversity of thought, without freedom of speech, without the right to bear arms, you're unable to speak freely against tyranny and you're unable to defend yourself against rapists, murderers and thieves. You think you're against rapists, murderers and thieves, yet you defend the Left who would not go after the trans who raped a teenage girl at a school restroom, you defend the Left who murdered an innocent 8-year-old black girl(Secoreia Turner) who was at the wrong place at the wrong time at a burned down Wendy's and you won't condemn the Left's actions of stealing from a Walgreens in San Francisco. So I don't expect you to condemn a communist country that are violating people's rights in Cuba and China. Heck I don't even expect you to condemn Communist China for banning black people from renting a home or going to a restaurant, in which they used the "virus" in 2020 as an excuse. How do I know all this? I stay informed by watching Newsmax, a channel that CNN & Democrats wants to deplatform from Cable and Satellite. Gee I wonder why? Oh I know, it's because they're exposing the Left of their lies and corruption.

Chapter 4: His lies continue!

I highly doubt that you've ever lived in Texas because I used to live there as a kid and I loved it there, I was never uncomfortable there during my time living there. I also doubt that you've ever been to Mexico, I have because I went there to visit my grandfather. Anyways Newsom has been doing a disastrous job in Commiefornia and it shows with his policies, people are moving out of Commiefornia. The only places where the war on drugs has failed is in Democrat-run cities such as Detroit and Baltimore, both cities are a disaster and unliveable.

Chapter 5: "My source is wikipedia because I'm too braindead to look at legitimit sources that won't bullshit you!"

When I was younger, I probably would have used wikipedia as a source, I used to vote Democrat until 2008 when I went Independent before voting Republican for the first time in 2020. I also used to hate Trump and believe in every lie said about him back in 2016. But I've learn from my mistakes and realized that the pro-establishment politicians, big tech, and the mainstream media are the ones who can't be trusted. I am older, wiser and I don't fall for such dumb shit. Wikipedia is as unreliable as the mainstream media, fact-checkers on social media and Democrats claims about Tulsi Gabbard being a Russian Asset or Trump being a racist or a rapist. I don't fall for the lies like you do. So if I wanted to learn about Qanon, I'll go straight to the source(their website), not take the words of an idiot(you) or wikipedia, since wikipedia has been known to be politically bias and it shows with their description of Parler.

Every lie, every slander said about Parler has been accounted for with what I underlined in that screen shot. It also showed how heavily bias wikipedia was in their description of Parler, all of it was untrue. I posted about it months ago, or maybe even a few years since I haven't been on Parler in a long time now since I am more active on Elon Musk's version of Twitter. The point is that you can't trust wikipedia to tell you the truth on anything. That's why conservatives created "conservapedia" to combat the lies of wikipedia.

Want to talk about conspiracy theories? Your on the side that spews it all the time such as Critical Race Theory, Radical Gender Theory, Black Queer Theory, and The Parties Switching Theory. They also make up other conspiracy theories such as Tulsi Gabbard being a Russian Asset, Trump being a white supremacist, all conservatives being Nazis, or Trump stealing the election in 2016. None of that turned out to be true, but you Leftists continue to spew that nonsense anyways. See unlike you, I went straight to the source whenever any claims were made about Tulsi, Trump, Trump Supporters or anyone else the Left doesn't like. What I found out was that nothing of what the Left said was true at all. For example the kids at Covington, Kentucky were accused of being racist. That turned out to be false when I saw the full video of the whole event. The actual bigots in that event were the Black Hebrew Israelites using a homophobic slur against Trump. The Black Hebrew Israelites also used other bigoted language that the Left seems to ignore. They only care about making Trump supporters look bad, no matter how unreliable their "evidence" is, such as Nick Sandmann smiling at an Indian, calling him a racist because he had a "smirk" on his face. That is just ridiculous. You would have to be braindead to believe that bullshit.

Chapter 6: If you don't learn from history, you are doomed to repeat it!

And yet you support a group that had some of their members pose as the opposing side to make them look bad, since Antifa members have been caught doing it. That's why they attacked Andy Ngo. They are not rational and they are not very bright, which is why Antifa are full of white beta male dumbasses with bad haircuts and faces so ugly that you could tell they're on meth. They remind me of the Juggalos I used to feud with, they weren't very bright either. I use to expose them of pedophilia, violence, murder and rape. But my feud with Juggalos ended because I realized not all of them are like that. It just happens that I know many of the bad ones who lived in my city.

The fact that you defend Antifa, shows you're on their side rather than just outright condemning them of their actions(which I pointed out a few chapters ago). See you think they're nothing like the KKK, but you'd be wrong. Both are violent, both are murderous, both are full of white beta male idiots, both were created by Democrats and both pretend to be the good guys, despite the crimes they've committed such as murder, rape, theft, violence, riots, burning down churches, burning down blacked owned businesses and both wear a mask to conceal their identity from the cops, even though the cops let them get away with their crimes anyways, especially in Democrat run cities. Conservatives has consistently condemn these actions, liberals/leftists has not. If you were really against fascism, you would oppose the Democrats, Nazis and Commies all at once because true Anti-Fascism is Anti-Totalitarianism. Unfortunately for you, I am the real anti-fascist.

Antifa está repitiendo las acciones del KKK, no importa si dicen hacerlo por la justicia social, estúpido peluquero fascista.

P.S. This Twitter violation was before Elon Musk took over.

[leyyvi]

Okay so I have a couple questions! You’ve moved before, and it’s my first time moving, but I was wondering how you know a place is right for you? (I’m asking bc you have experience, but also bc I think we’re in the same county)

Like I found an apartment home complex that seems beautiful, very naturey and on paper ideal for me and my parents. But the yelp reviews+ other sites say otherwise (ex: roaches (in unit), mice (outside), etc) which a part of me is 🤷🏻‍♀️ bc it has a lot of nature features like streams and trees and it kind of comes with the territory. And I honestly don’t know how seriously to take it? Since I’ve never apartment hunted before idk how much value this has, my current complex has shitty reviews (granted only like 5 reviews total) but I’ve had a fine experience since I’ve lived there my whole life, and to me those reviews are not necessarily accurate. There are a couple great reviews too, but idk how much weight they hold either. With the negative reviews, are these just the “small” batch of tenants that had a bad experience or is it worth taking into account? And every complex’s reviews always say “rent elsewhere”, “management sucks”, “they lie about XYZ”, there’s ALWAYS something negative about a place, and idk how much value it has

When I showed up unexpectedly to the new complex the maintenance guys were working and it was quiet (at noon-ish on a Tuesday), then I went with my mom a day or two later and same thing, appeared to be quiet with the maintenance guys working), then my parents went on a Sunday and simply said there were a few stray cats. When we toured the leasing lady also said she lives on site, which to me felt more promising that it wasn’t a complete shit hole. I also saw a guy walking his dog and he didn’t look like he was in hell so idk

Sorry for bombarding you but I’m like dying lol

Jesus Christ I’m so sorry, but like help pls I need guidance (I won’t hold you responsible, just need opinions/experience) thanks ✌️

HI HELLO I'M NOT SURE HOW HELPFUL I'LL BE BUT I'LL DO MY BEST :D

Honestly, I didn't even think to read reviews of the places I moved to. I kinda don't take reviews (especially of non-food things) too seriously because like you said it's kinda iffy on how much value there is on people just making vague complaints when it happens no matter where you are. For things like roaches/mice, I'd question where was their unit? Was it near the community trash room (if there is one) or an area where dumpsters are? Was it on the 1st or 2nd floor? There's more likely to be bugs hanging around if you're closer to those.

If there's stray cats, mice might not be a problem because those cats may even be hunting any mice in the area. I think you showing up to the new complex unexpectedly is such a good idea, you've gone multiple times and it seems promising. I think how you've handled apt hunting has been really good! My main things when I looked for places to move were things like:

Is it near a busy street? Is that street a popular route home for people working/going to school? How's the traffic in the area?

How accessible are things like grocery stores/restaurants? gas stations?

What kind of people are living in the same complex? Families? College kids? Older people/retirees? What about the area? Is it near a school?

You could also check neighborhood rating sites (I can't remember the one I used sry) to see the walkability/safety of the area too to get a better idea.

Also keep in mind if you have any specific amenities. For example I really value having my own parking spot, or at least a designated area for parking because the cities I've lived in had god awful parking. I also look for things like how close Asian grocery stores are since I get most of my food from those. Just specific stuff like that if you have preferences

If anything else comes to mind I'll add on but here's just a few points!! I hope it helps!! GOOD LUCK FRIEND!!

[tobyblogger]

My entry, please post it for me as I really can't log into my account on the wiki for some reason, story entry is based around that unreleased beta of FNaPF 1, I hope it is good:

“I will spare you a pointless introduction and jump straight into it.

It all started in 2021 when it was just beginning. On the Five Nights at Freddy’s Amino community, Joseph and his friend, Saturn3034, were publicly planning to make a fangame based on the series. This game eventually became Five Nights at Prototype Fredbear’s (often abbreviated as FNaPF).

You see, there’s a reason why the first game wasn’t made until January 27, 2022. Joseph and Saturn were essentially stuck in development hell. It was a complete nightmare, and I can confirm that because I was on Amino at the time.

Many people were there. The only progress Joseph made was an official preview posted on January 20, 2021—the same day the series was planned. Now, I want you to think about something real quick: why do you think an official demo for the first game was never released? I know many of you might point to the “click-roam” version of the classic game, but that’s not what we’re talking about.

In the preview, it stated: “Five Nights at Prototype Fredbear’s 1 Demo.” Interesting, isn’t it? What made it even more interesting was the presence of the number “1,” as if the series had been planned from the very beginning. As it turns out, that was the case. Older members of the JTS server, who were there before the original server got deleted due to drama involving an old friend of Joseph, revealed that both Joseph and Saturn were very ambitious about the series.

Now, this may sound promising, as it showed they had a strong desire to succeed with the series. But notice how the game kept getting delayed—this happened with every release. It happened with Five Nights at Prototype Fredbear’s 1 and 2, and it’s likely going to happen again with the recently announced third game (which is still being worked on as I’m writing this). Many believe the two were simply overwhelmed by the series and their real-life responsibilities.

This is understandable, right? However, some people started to form rather depressing conclusions. They speculated that Joseph kept hyping up the series while failing to release it. This caused many people, including some of his friends—you know who you are—to lose interest in the game.

This might explain why Joseph stopped working on the series, and many people noticed strange things happening behind the scenes. One notable rumor involves the existence of a supposed lost episode from one of his projects, specifically Joseph’s World. This episode, known as “Joseph’s Schoolday,” interestingly uses some audio from the game. Now, I know this may seem off-topic, but it could be a clue.

With that said, there were plenty of rumors. One anonymous user claimed that Joseph and Saturn were having strange dreams and visions of Prototype Fredbear taunting them, begging them to finish the series. Others claimed that an urban legend had formed around the game, suggesting that Prototype Fredbear could break into players’ homes and kill their pets, most often cats.

Regardless of these rumors, here’s the real reason you’ll never see the demo online again, and why Joseph never made it playable. A user on the internet found a link to Google Drive and accessed the MFA file for the demo. They leaked it onto the internet, and eventually, someone with access to Clickteam got hold of the code.

The game was then submitted to Game Jolt, where it became playable for everyone. This made it one of the most underrated, yet disturbing, events in Game Jolt’s history.

I was able to play the game before it was ultimately deleted. Here’s my story: the game started immediately with the title screen, without the warning screen present in the final version. It displayed the title of the game with a PNG image resembling Prototype Fredbear in the background, completely pitch black with static in the foreground. There were no options besides “New Game,” so I pressed it to start.

It played the museum theme from Final Nights 4 on a loop in the background. I ignored it and clicked “New Game.” It took me to a loading screen that read, “Loading… Night One.” The next thing I knew, I was in the office. Unlike the final version, which had a door and vent, this one only had doors on either side, but no buttons to close them. There were also no buttons to turn on the lights unless they were mapped to the keyboard. From what I remember, the preview didn’t show how the office functioned, likely because Joseph hadn’t finished coding the game.

I clicked the button on my right, which took me to the camera. The only available camera was the stage, showing a single animatronic—Prototype Fredbear. From the looks of it, this was the same PNG used in the main menu.

The game didn’t display a timer, battery level, or night counter, so I had to guess if Prototype Fredbear would come to my office. It wasn’t long before I heard faint moans that sounded like they were recorded by a person, similar to the ambient noises in the final game.

I watched as Prototype Fredbear appeared at the door. I say “watched” because there was nothing I could do—just like many game betas, this one wasn’t as fun or complete as the final version.

As the screen faded to black, I saw a close-up of Prototype Fredbear staring directly at me. His pupils were small, his jaw was open, and his teeth had been edited to look sharp. The audio was even worse—it was so loud that it broke my computer’s speakers. I’m not exaggerating; as I write this, I’ve tested my speakers with music, and they’re no longer working.

After this, the game crashed, giving me an error screen before my computer blue-screened. Now, you might be wondering how I’m writing this if my computer is fried. I’m using a different device. There’s nothing more to explain.

I don’t have much else to say, except for those still curious about playing this beta, I urge you to respect Joseph’s wishes and refrain from playing it. Just be careful with what you decide to play in general.”

Happy Halloween folks!

I will be hosting a creepypasta writing contest, here are the rules.

1. Content has to be related to JTS media, this means Five Nights at Prototype Fredbears, Joseph’s World, etc.

2. Regarding Lost Episodes and Theories - Do NOT make coma theories and/or stories about the characters committing suicide or harming themselves. (For example: the cast in Joseph’s World is based on real people, these types of stories can make us uncomfortable.)

2.1. Refrain from including rape, that is a serious subject. Trust me, it won’t make your story scary, it will make you seem like a creep.

3. All stories must be posted to Spiral Nightmares.

3.1. if you can't post on the wiki, add your story via google doc or pastebin in your reblog so I can add it for you.

4. Spin-offs and retellings are allowed. If you wish to make a fan-made sequel or something about Sammy the Cat, for example, you can.

5. You may not copy existing lost media and stories (e.g. Joseph’s Schoolday and the Five Nights at Prototype Fredbears creepypasta by TobyBlogger.)

6. All content will be under the license - NC-By-SA.

Deadline - December 1st, 2024.

For further questions and suggestions, ask me in comments

If you are entering the contest, reblog this.

[losthomunculus]

Online Safety Relevant to the Current State of the Internet

On twitter I made a tweet about how online safety lessons in school can be very out of touch but that the advice of people who are familiar with the current internet shouldn't be disregarded. So here's my informal collection of online safety tips

Sources: unrestricted internet access since elementary school (not recommended), being a formerly involuntarily home bound person for several years that amassed way too much online experience

This could possibly hold upsetting reminders to people who had bad experiences online including mentions of grooming and emotional manipulation so please proceed with caution!

Information Sharing

Make an online pseudonym for public profiles and websites.

Don’t feel like you have to list everything about you for the world to see.

Sometimes it’s not a question of “can this information be used to locate and identify me irl?”, but simply “do I want this information publicly available and linked to my online persona?”

Unlike offline, being online leaves a constant trail of who you were accessible at all times. People are constantly growing and changing. Try to limit the information you share so you can ditch that trail and start over if need be.

Sharing information with people you make friends with and trust is a judgement call on your part, but always be on the safe side and be protective of your information.

Start as cautious as possible with online safety. Any risks or judgement calls can come later when you are 1. aware of the risks, 2. ready to address them if they occur, and 3. have gathered plenty of information instead of doing something blindly and hoping for the best.

Do not share your triggers publicly, they can very easily be used against you. Instead use websites with a large amount of filtering options to curate your online experience. If you are going to share them, only do it privately with people you trust.

Importance of Boundaries

It doesn’t matter how mature you are, don’t enter age limited spaces you don’t qualify for. It’s disrespectful to the boundaries of the people who made that space. Boundaries like this exist for the comfort of both sides involved.

Just because you can “handle it” doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Desensitization is not something to brag about.

Venting or making r18 posts as a minor on a public account is VERY dangerous. Intense emotional vulnerability is something manipulators will look for as a way to get to you. The same with sexual jokes to develop your comfort talking about those topics casually and eventually escalating the situation. If you are going to talk about such things please keep that in private conversations with people you trust in your age group.

Note the difference between public and private online space. Tweeting something on a public account is not the same as having a conversation in the cafeteria with your friends.

If an adult tries talking to you about r18, run the other way. Doesn’t matter how cool you are, it says something weird about THEM if they’re willing to talk to a minor about that stuff.

If someone( like 3+ years, honestly depends on how old you are) older than you wouldn't be comfortable saying what they're saying to you in front of other people (like a teacher or guardian), that's suspicious as hell. Run in the other direction.

The younger you are, the more age gaps matter. There's a bigger difference in development between a 13 year old and a 17 year old than there is between a 20 year old and a 24 year old. It helps to try to contextualize it with real people instead of numbers. Instead of thinking "oh just 4 years? that's not that weird" consider "oh. that would be like a freshman (13/14) dating a senior (17/18). yikes."

Be just as wary of people your own age talking about things that make you uncomfortable. Just like irl, sometimes you’ll meet people your age that are hurtful.

Friends complain to each other and talk about their issues, that alone is fine. But when people are doing it without permission, draw a line. When people are making it feel like you’re responsible for maintaining their mental health, you need to draw a line. When it starts to effect your mental health, PLEASE DRAW A LINE! I know it feels like your responsibility sometimes, but it’s not. You cannot be there for others if you’re not taking care of yourself first and foremost.

Don’t be afraid to block people. Even for petty reasons. It’s good to block people. Don’t force yourself to see stuff you don’t want to see.

Being Constantly Online

The 24 hour news cycle is not a good thing to follow 24/7. Taking social responsibility is a good thing, but your brain is NOT built to worry about every issue in the world at once. One strategy I use for staying sane is I try to only check the news once a day, and if something needs more attention to set aside an amount of time I’m going to focus on it before I need to take time to step back.

Touch grass. Not literally, unless you can in which case I highly suggest it, sometimes it’s just good to lay in a field. What I mean is you need to dedicate a good portion of your time to being offline (sleep does not count). What your offline time looks like is going to differ depending on your level of ability, but even if you are house bound it’s important to build some hobbies that don’t rely on the internet. Talking to people offline is also a good goal if possible, even just to your housemates.

Social etiquette greatly differs online and offline and sometimes the reminder that were all just Some People gets lost behind the numbers and the fabricated personas. Keep in mind the difference in how information is shared without forgetting that the fact we are all people remains the same.

Be generous with your etiquette. You will avoid a lot of stress if you conduct yourself with the same politeness you would have in an offline interaction. Master the art of "minding your own business" for your own sake.

Arguments and Competition

As soon as you can, you need to internalize the fact that leaving an argument is not losing.

It is inevitable you will be exposed to many people who disagree with you. Some people only want to argue to rile you up. Sometimes that’s not their intention, but it’s what they’re doing. You do not have to remain in conversation with people, especially if they’re not interested in actually coming to an understanding. Even if they are interested, sometimes they just suck!! Leave!! You can leave!!

On that note, sometimes you are going to get valid criticism and it’s going to hurt. That is part of learning. If someone says you messed up and did something hurtful, take a second to step back from your defensiveness and consider: intent ≠ effect. Apologize, repair what you can, and move forward with the ability to do better in the future. You’re going to mess up every once in awhile, it’s inevitable.

To summarize the past two points: don't waste your time on unnecessary hostility but don't close yourself into an echo chamber either. Debates should be about learning.

Sometimes people are not going to like you. This happens offline too but people tend to be a lot more blunt online. Sometimes people dislike you for no reason or for really petty reasons. That’s not your problem, move on.

Don’t actively seek out people you don’t like or who don’t like you to argue with. Whether or not your side is the “right side” doesn’t matter, it’s going to cause you so much unnecessary stress. Feel free to keep posting your opinions on your own profile but don’t seek out unnecessary conflict.

This is a different type of competition than previously mentioned, but be aware of the danger of comparing yourself to other people. Especially if you’re a creative or student, DO NOT GET SWEPT UP IN THE GRIND CULTURE. It’s more subtle in some places than others, but anytime you see the notion that you should be working yourself to the bone be VERY critical. Also be critical of any online cultures (such as gaming and art communities) that brag about unhealthy habits or act like it’s ~part of the culture~ (ex: all nighters, not taking breaks, getting hurt. Any activity that neglects health to work toward a goal).

Not just grind culture, any community of subculture that shares anti recovery sentiments is a huge red flag. Even if they're joking, it's not worth the risk of internalizing those statements.

Everyone’s social media presence is to some degree doctored because it’s a purposefully selected collection of what they allow you to see. It’s fine to like the persona you see being displayed, but never forget that it is not reflective of the entire person. Everyone online is JUST SOME PERSON. Do not forget that and start holding yourself to a standard you can’t even see every side of.

By posting online you are opening yourself to criticism. Whether or not it’s justified can vary, but either way it’s going to happen. Mute stuff, go private, disable comments, etc if you need to.

Misc Tidbits

these are technically just general info that is also good for offline but I have seen things that make me think people online need the extra reminder.

Learn what cults are, how they recruit, and what they do to their members. I'm not kidding. This is particularly relevant at the moment because of current societal unrest and widespread loneliness. No one is immune to cult propaganda, and not every cult is based on pre established religion or family. Many exist ONLINE and are able to manipulate people without ever meeting face to face. (learn more: Loneliness as a Pandemic: The Dangers of Online Cult

Familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience. Please familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience and then learn how to identify pseudoscience. (learn more: Karl Popper, Science, & Pseudoscience: Crash Course Philosophy #8)

Q. How do I know if a source is reliable?

Final Thoughts

It's important people of ALL ages learn these lessons, because the internet is constantly changing and we are all vulnerable when in the presence of other people.

Be cautious and stay safe

[many-but-one]

TW suicide and self harm mention

Hi! Could you as someone with DID help me better undestand my situation?

I am a singlet but I hear constantly voices in my head that are not my own and I have had hard time trying to understand them. I've been doing so much research of DID to figure out if I could have it but I don't have one childhood trauma but C PTSD from childhood neglect.

I have been able to recognise that one of the voices belong to a young girl who sits alone in a dark room. She only ever says "I want to die. Let me die. Go away. Leave me alone".

Two other voices are just voices without any looks. One of them is a strict and mean caretaker-like person who tells me to mask in public (I have autism) and shouts and screams if I do something wrong / mess up.

The last voice tells me to self harm, cut my limbs off and kill myself.

I don't have an inner world but I can sometimes imagine very vividly the little girl in the dark room and when I was younger I had this place I used to imagine where I am stuck inside a huge cardboard box filled with dust. It was just something that used to reoccur inside my head.

Other than that, I have amnesia only if I'm very tired or stressed out and even then I miss only like 1 hour or less at a time.

Sometimes I dissociate, it used to be regular when I studied (derealization and depersonalization). Now it's like once a week or when I see something triggering from my childhood.

And I only have had the little girl speaking through my mouth. It's like having tics where I can't control myself and she always says "Let me die" or something like that.

Does this sound like a DID to you? Because I don't know how to explain this. I have no idea why I keep hearing those voices. I am seeing a psychiatrist but atm we are trying to get me autism diagnosis.

Heavy sigh.

Okay, anon. I’m sorry it has to be this post that makes me snap, but I’m gonna have to do it to ya. This goes to every anon that does this to OSDDID accounts. I see this absolutely everywhere on a lot of OSDDID folks’ pages, especially the folks who are more “well known” in the tumblr community. (Not saying I’m one of them but I do get these messages very VERY often, and I see them everywhere.)

Anons who are having a mental health issue, please fucking STOP sending anon messages to OSDDID accounts asking “does me doing x, y, z mean that I have DID?” Or “I show all these signs of DID do I have it?” Like. I understand that you’re confused. I understand you need help. But if you are hearing voices telling you to fucking kill yourself, you NEED to see a mental health professional, not ask a rando on tumblr if you have an EXTREMELY COMPLEX DISORDER that can literally takes YEARS to diagnose in someone. Like…I am fully okay with self dx with adequate research. If you think that’s what you have, fucking great. Work on coping skills. If you find out later you don’t have it? Great. Now you can move on and try and figure out what’s going on. I am fully aware not everyone has access to good mental health care. I am aware that mental health specialists are often absolutely fucking shitty.

HOWEVER!

STOP. MESSAGING. RANDOM. TUMBLR. CREATORS. ASKING. IF. YOU. HAVE. A. COMPLEX. DISSOCIATIVE. DISORDER.

Do I make myself clear, anons? This goes to every single one of you. I generally don’t answer and delete a solid 3/4ths of you because half the time your rambling makes absolutely no sense and I’m very sorry but I really don’t care. I don’t know who the hell you are. My brain is split into shards and I’m working on trying to survive the fucking day here. I’m working on how to live without numbing myself to the world. I do not have time to try and join the circle-jerk of validation that y’all want from me.

If you wanna DM me and let me get to know you more, we can discuss things further. With more nuance. We can have an actual discussion. I would absolutely LOVE that. Because maybe I can point you into a direction of good coping skills, good resources, and places to find a sense of community that isn’t tumblr dot com. I’d love to get to know you and help you. But if you come at me in my inbox with anon as your name asking me to validate your experiences with barely a paragraph worth of information, that’s not gonna fucking happen.

What answer are you looking for, anon? Do you want me to say “Yep! Sounds like DID to me!” Because I am not a professional and if I were to be so quick to hand out validation cards because you would feel better if a random tumblr account agreed with you, I doubt that would actually help you in ANY way. Yes, validation feels good and it feels good to be seen and heard but I don’t fucking know you and you’ve given me what sounds like suicidal voices in your head and some possibly inner world activity. I hate to break it to you, but CDDs are a LOT more than just alters and voices and an inner world. It’s basically C-PTSD on steroids and if you don’t show any signs of C-PTSD then you might be looking in the wrong direction. But of course how am I to know that because I don’t know you and you can’t possibly explain your entire life story in a fucking tumblr ask. It sounds like you already know what you’re experiencing, you just explained it very plainly to me. If you have done adequate research and you think you have a CDD, then for the love of god find a professional to work with you and start learning coping skills related to trauma and dissociation.

I am not your therapist. I am not going to give you the validation you seek. If you want a dx, find a therapist that works in trauma and dissociation.

I know this is coming off very aggressive but MAN this is so common and it really needs to fucking stop. ESPECIALLY sending triggering info to a random tumblr user. The “TW suicide and self harm” ain’t gonna do shit. (re: the part where you are talking about voices telling you to cut off your limbs and kill yourself.) I can handle those conversations just fine but not all creators can and it’s fucked that you and all the gazillion anons trauma dumping to random OSDDID tumblr users think that this is just okay?? The AUDACITY my dudes. I understand you’re probably having a rough ass time right now but you have absolutely no idea how my day has been, how my week has been, how my life has been. You get a tiny snapshot of what I choose to share here. Which trust me, is a tiny TINY little snapshot of the reality of my condition. How would you feel if your trauma dump triggered out one of my suicidal parts and killed me? Or severely harmed me? Y’all (all anons, not just you) desperately need to fucking understand that OSDDID systems are traumatized as FUCK and things like that can literally get us killed. It’s not a game. I know some plural folks online make it seem fun, but anon as you seem to understand, it’s very scary having parts inside that want you dead. These parts can take control of my body and do just that. They’ve tried before.

All anons out there, please have some fucking decency and respect for OSDDID creators out there. We are not your therapist, we’re just trying to live our fucking lives and sometimes make content on the side.

Rant over. I hate doing shit like this but I am so over it and y’all need to fucking know.

-Blurry

[joheunsaram]

To Make A Power Couple - 02 (knj)

Chapter 2 - Pizza and Life Chats

THIS IS A REPOST SINCE I LOST ACCESS TO MY OLD ACCOUNT. PLEASE FOLLOW THIS BLOG FOR UPDATES ON THIS SERIES.

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Summary- Namjoon and Y/N go on their first date, and Namjoon is whipped.

word count- 5k

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- pg13 for now

genre- series, fluff, eventual smut, strangers2lovers

warnings- mentions of hangovers and panic attacks, tooth-rottingly fluffy

a.n- okay here’s the second part! I wrote this up fairly quickly (don’t expect this to be the norm!). This part I wanted to kind of address the stress of overworking as a young adult (GUILTY 🙋🏻‍♀️) so sorry if it gets a little serious at parts. I also wanted to switch it up so it’s from Namjoon’s perspective. I hope you enjoy it. SOFT JOON BEING A BIG OLD SOFTY.

Feedback much appreciated! 💕

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​, @sassyuniversitytacopeanut

-

Namjoon woke up startled as his phone alarm rang. He was groggy and his splitting headache made him nauseous. “I’m never going to drink again”, he mumbled. He groaned as he got off the couch he had crashed on the night before, trying not to trip over Taehyung who seemed to be dozing happily on the floor as he made his way to his room. He hadn’t stayed at the dorms in a while, preferring the quiet solitary of his own apartment nowadays, and with his hangover in full swing he felt like he was walking through a stranger’s house.

Last month was hell. He had procrastinated on his songs and none of the vocal guides were even halfway done before the due date. Every time he tried to finish a song a new one would pop up in his head and he would start on that, leading to a hard drive full of files labelled “finish soon” and “draft”, and a notebook full of scratched out scribbles. It was like his brain had decided to abandon him, deciding it had had enough of his perpetual melancholy. He had felt drained and burnt out, a husk with no creative juices left. Luckily, Yoongi and a few of the producers had taken pity on his stressed out state and lent a hand so he had been able to finish the bare minimum three days ago - before the label pressured him further. He was never more grateful for a small break.

In all honesty, he needed a way to jumpstart his brain, and get out of the routine of home, practice, meetings, studio, home. Sometimes, he almost wished he didn’t have the success he had so he could go out and let loose a little - a club, a party, anything. But the last time he went somewhere like that he got swarmed and the police had to be involved. He couldn’t risk that, not after the trouble Big Hit went to threaten media outlets a year and a half ago, when he was caught with what they called a hickey, but was actually a stress rash.

As he brushed his teeth today, however, he smiled at the mirror. Last month may have been terrible, but last night was one of the best he’d had in the past year.

When he had heard Bang PD’s team talk about how they were attending the charity gala as he met them for notes on his songs, he was intrigued. He had read about this non-profit in the paper before. They seemed to be helping bridge the gap between people through communication and that spoke to him. So much so that he had scrolled through their website multiple times, reading testimonials and almost memorizing the mission statement. They wanted to help kids learn English for free so they could communicate globally. He really liked the idea. It was hard for him to learn the language as a kid and he knew that the only reason he became as fluent as he is from the tutors his parents paid for and his obsession with American television and music. Although he didn’t need the tutoring anymore, he did enjoy talking to the in-house tutor at the company, John, from time to time and improving his skills. The fact that this company wanted to add a John to every school in Korea starting from the rural areas, made Namjoon want to meet the man behind the movement. Little did he know, he’d be meeting the girl who’d shift his idea of the ideal.

He had never been more glad to have convinced his company to let him and the boys attend an event. He had initially suggested it as a way to break the mundane before their comeback practices started and network while supporting a cause he liked. Two days ago, he wouldn’t have guessed it would have been an actual fun night leading to him nursing a headache.

He spent the next hour reliving last night as he showered and caught up on the news. He also read the messages he sent last night over a hundred times and had butterflies each time. Wasn’t he too old for butterflies? He wanted to message you again but every time he tried, he ended up overthinking it. Everything sounded forced or cheesy, and it was worse than any writer’s block. He threw his phone on the bed in frustration watching it bounce and land on the floor, before he grabbed it and pocketed it. Hopping around to get rid of his nerves, he decided to take a break from rereading the thread he already had memorized and check in with everyone. If his hangover was this bad he couldn’t imagine theirs.

Making his way back to the living room he found Taehyung now sitting on the floor, sleep still very evident on his features as he yawned and groaned. On the couch next to him sat Yoongi, holding an iced americano and staring into space. The rest were missing but he could hear a blender annoyingly whizzing in the kitchen.

“How’re you guys feeling this morning?” He asked as he sat across from Yoongi.

“This is why I don’t drink. Why did no one stop me?” Taehyung whined as he rose from the floor to leave, massaging his head.

“We tried. You were very excited to try all the disgustingly sweet drinks the hot bartender was making for you.” Yoongi replied with a sigh. “How was your date, Namjoon? You glad I forced you to go to the bar to talk to her?” he snickered, sipping his coffee before exhaling loudly in contentment.

“Honestly, I owe you big time. She was… amazing. I don’t think I’ve talked to someone that comfortably in a while” Namjoon sighed wistfully.

“I’ll add cupid to my resume,” he deadpanned. “Is she tolerating you for another date?”

“Yeah. We’re getting dinner on Tuesday, but I want to message her now. Argh!” He ran his hands over his face in frustration. “What do I even say? ‘Hi I’m the guy who was too scared to kiss you all night so you had to do it for him, what’s your favourite colour?’” Namjoon was annoyed at himself. It’s bad enough that he was having writer’s block in his music, did he have to have it for something as simple as texting too? This was ridiculous!

“Or you could just ask her how’s her hangover today. Jeez! Do I have to draft each of your messages? Stop being a dumbass and text the person you like.” Yoongi scoffed, clearly over Namjoon’s sudden and uncharacteristic insecurities.

Namjoon gave a resigned sigh as he reached for his phone and wrote out exactly what Yoongi suggested. Hey, he was his hyung for a reason - he had a full 6 months of life experience on him.

Namjoon: Hey! Hope your hangover is not too bad today.

As soon as the message was sent, he started getting nervous. Tapping his foot incessantly while he stared at his phone, willing it to buzz, annoying Yoongi enough to leave him alone on the couch in the process.

Y/N: Hi to you too! I actually don’t get hangovers so I’m doing great lol. What about you?

Namjoon: What do you mean you don’t get hangovers?

Y/N: I don’t know. Can’t get dehydrated if you’re always dehydrated!

Namjoon: That… makes no sense. Do I need to start reminding you to drink water?

Y/N: Only if you’re better than this app on my phone…

Namjoon: I can guarantee you I’m better than any app on this planet.

Y/N: Wow. Big claims! We’ll have to put it to the test I suppose.

Y/N: You never told me how you’re feeling. Oh and how’s Taehyung? Is he okay?

Namjoon: He’s doing fine. Made a pact to never drink again and if i’m being honest, I’m going to join him. I am shocked that your head is not exploding as well.

The messages continued easily after that, filled with updates of each other’s activities, playful flirting and even photos of dinner. By the time Monday rolled around, you had been messaging each other constantly, with no end to the conversation in sight and the only long pauses being when you were both asleep or working. It seemed like you would never run out things to talk about. Namjoon hadn’t messaged someone this frequently since he got out of his last relationship. It felt nice to relay his mundane day to day events to someone and he found himself excited to hear about your mundane, like how you decided to mix two different types of bad coffee blends to make a shockingly worse one. He was surprised again at how fast he felt comfortable around you. It was even starting to scare him a little - he only knew you for three days and it felt like he had known you forever! What was this weird spell you had on him?

The conversation Monday, however, was fairly sparse, and Namjoon was eager to set up plans for the next day, so that night he decided to call you.

After the first three rings, he was overthinking his decision. Maybe it was too soon to call? Maybe you didn’t like talking on the phone? What if it went to voicemail? Would he have to leave a message? What would he say? His inner monologue was quickly halted at the sound of your voice.

“Hello, this is Y/N” you sounded distant, almost too formal. He felt nervous.

“Hi… uh… this is Namjoon. Is this a bad time?”

“Oh Namjoon! Sorry I didn’t check who called when I picked up!” Relief washed over him at the change of your tone. “Sorry one sec can you hold on.” he heard you say as your voice got mumbled. He waited while he heard you talk to someone about proposals and deadlines. Were you still at work? He checked his watch - it was 10 pm. He didn’t know whether to be impressed by your work ethic or worried that you were overworking.

“Hi sorry about that! How are you?” He relaxed at your airy tone and smiled.

“I’m good. Are you still at work?”

“Yeah it’s only like 7 so it’s no big deal. I usually leave around 8” Were you serious?

“Y/N… It’s 10:04…” He was shocked at how nonchalant you sounded, and suddenly he had his answer - he was worried, not impressed. He had known you for three days and already you were setting his caretaker alarm off. He wanted to scold you for being careless and overworking, like he’s used to doing for the boys, but he knew it was too soon. He doesn’t even know why he’s feeling that way all of a sudden and tried to suppress his protective instincts.

“No it’s not! It’s…” He could hear your voice going further away as he imagined you moving the phone in front of you to check the time. “Oh shit you’re right. What the hell? Okay sorry I’m gonna put you on hold again.” Before he could say anything he heard your voice again, distant again but loud. “Oh my god. Guys, it’s 10pm. Go home! Why did nobody tell me? No it doesn’t matter we can do that tomorrow. Please go home. Pack up now! You too Siwon, don’t worry I’ll go home after I get off the phone. See you!” He smiled at the sternness of your tone - it reminded him of a teacher dismissing class.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t realize I overworked my team. Had to send the troops home” you laughed and Namjoon felt his heart flutter.

“I don’t wanna keep you from going home. I can call you back once you get there,” he offered. He felt bad that you were staying in an empty office on his account.

“Oh don’t worry about it. It was a lie to get Siwon off my back. I’m probably gonna be here till like 1 or something. I still have to get this done” you said matter-of-factly, like it was the most normal thing in the world. He knew that tone fairly well, having used it multiple times himself when he locked himself in his studio, running on nothing but coffee and energy bars.

“Okay I know we’ve only just met and we have our first date tomorrow, but do you want some company?” He asked before he could stop himself. The line was silent for a bit, and he felt self conscious, scared that he had overstepped and driven you away. Before he could check his phone to see if you had hung up you spoke.

“It’d be pretty boring for you to watch me just type away. Are you sure? It’s pretty late.” He was sure his cheeks would hurt from how wide he smiled.

“It’s not a problem at all. I was going to work tonight too.” He wasn’t. “We can just work together. I’ll bring food. Did you eat yet?” his words tumbled over each other.

“How very college of you.” He could hear you giggling on the line. “Now that I think about it - I’m starving.”

“Okay text me the address, I’ll be there soon.”

He had never been this excited to pretend to work.

He spotted you as he walked through the doors of the 13th floor, pepperoni pizza in hand. You were sitting at a long desk near the middle of the room. He was surprised as he expected you in an office, but he found you typing away at your desktop. Your hair was tied up in a bun and you were dressed in an oversized beige t-shirt, eyebrows furrowed head bopping to the hip hop track playing through the speakers. You seemed to be in your own little world. He felt like he was spying on you as he leaned against the door watching but he also liked seeing how you acted when you thought no one was watching. He was about to announce his presence when the track changed to a Childish Gambino one and you whooped and started to rap along.

You were now fully head banging and rapping the verse at the top of your lungs. He would be impressed by your fairly good amateur skills if he didn’t find the entire scene so endearing. His heart was doing somersaults as he watched you now fully engrossed in the song, typing forgotten as you got up and started to pretend you were on stage, an imaginary mic in your hand asking haters if they “eatin’ though”. You looked so adorable that he couldn’t help but squeal a little “cute!”

That’s when you saw him, eyes wide. He felt a little bad when he saw how embarrassed you looked, immediately stopping and slapping a hand to your mouth before bursting out in nervous laughter. He could write a whole album with that laugh. Oh he was so whipped, he thought to himself as he made his way to you.

“You know you’re not half bad!” He exclaimed as he set the pizza on the table, pulling a chair next to yours and settling down.

“Do you think your fake compliments will save you from the fact that you were spying on me?” you asked, crossing your hands across your chest, pretending to scowl but failing to do so.

“First, real compliment. Second, would pizza save me?” He opened the box and proudly smiled, loving the way your eyes lit up as you reached for a slice.

“Yes it will!” you exclaimed as you took your first bite, lightly moaning at the taste. “But erase that memory from your brain please.”

“Nope. Never. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen and I’m going to save it forever” he said as he also started on his slice. You pouted up at him, cheeks puffed and it took all the self-control he had to not kiss it off your face. He hadn’t felt this way in so long, it was like you were his first crush. Trying to control his pulse, he asked “What are you working on so late?”

“Oh I have a proposal due for a meeting tomorrow at noon and I’m only halfway through it,” you frowned wistfully at the screen as if willing it to type on its own.

“Can I help?” He asked, knowing fully well that he couldn’t. He just had an overwhelming urge to make that frown disappear.

“You being here is help enough,” you smiled sincerely as you looked at him and he felt his heart explode, a blush creeping on his cheeks as he smiled bashfully. “What are you working on?”

“I have a few songs I have to finish the lyrics for. Been procrastinating” he rubbed the back of his neck as he pulled out the notebook from his back pocket.

“Can I help?” you echoed his question to which he echoed your response grinning. He wasn’t lying though. Even though he had planned to not really work, as the night progressed he found the change from his usual writing spot inspiring. Sitting next to you, the sound of the keyboard clicking was soothing leading to words pouring out of him. He filled pages as he stole glances at you concentrating on your proposal, tongue peeking from between your lips, still bobbing to the music which was now playing from your airpods instead of the speakers. He smiled at the sight, before focusing on his notebook.

After about an hour or so of hard work, he finished three songs that he had allotted himself the whole week to do. This was the most productive hour he had all month. Antsy for a break, he looked over at you and found you staring at him, a hand under your chin. As he met your gaze you smiled.

“You’re really hot when you concentrate. Has anyone ever told you that?” you commented. He was taken aback by your remark, heart fluttering at your smirking face. Not missing his chance and spurred on by the comment, he scooted closer in one sweep till your knees touched and you were face to face.

“You’re one to talk. I couldn’t stop looking at you this past hour.” Gazing into your eyes, he was amused to see your smirk disappear as it was now your turn to be shocked. He reached out and tucked a stray hair behind your ear letting his hand linger, enjoying the way you sighed as he did. “Can I make good on my promise now?” He whispered, his face centimeters away, looking at your lips. The way you bit your lower lip made him want to take you there and then. The desk looked big enough. Hell, even if it wasn’t he could make it work.

“Promise?” you whispered as he watched your eyes flutter to his lips.

“To kiss you first…” Too impatient to wait for your answer, he brought his lips to yours, relishing how soft they felt under his own. He was thrilled at you returning the kiss, deepening it as you grabbed the collar of his shirt to bring him closer just like you did after the party. He was beginning to think this was your signature move, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t immensely turn him on. He moved his hand cupping your face to rest on your neck and he could feel your heartbeat mimicking his. He put his other hand around your waist pulling you closer, wanting to be as close to you as he could get. He traced his tongue over your lips, his head cloudy with endorphins as you opened your mouth inviting him in. He had never tasted something so euphoric, his tongue exploring yours in a rush.

He could feel you pushing forward as he leaned back and allowed you to straddle his lap, your legs on either side of the chair. As soon as you were on his lap, he pulled you closer, both arms around on your hips, your chest flushed with his. He kissed the side of your mouth as he made his way down your jaw to your neck. You smelt like vanilla mixed with a fresh flower garden, and he was sure this smell was better than any drug in the world. He could hear your breathy moans as he sucked where your neck met your collarbone, licking to soothe it before moving further. He wanted to taste all of you. Your hands were in his hair and each tug made him groan into you, making him harder. He could kiss you like this forever. He wanted to save this moment so he could come back to it and relive it. He traced his hands up and down your sides, moving under your shirt but remaining on your waist, enjoying the feel of your soft skin.

“Namjoon… Namjoon… slow down” he heard you say breathlessly as he felt a slight push. He looked up at you, your eyes half lidded and lusty as you grabbed his face and brought it to yours. You were sending him mixed signals, but he didn’t care as long as he could keep kissing you.

“We have to slow down or I’m going to want to fuck you right here.” You whined as you both came back up for air, but you kissed him again nevertheless. Hearing you say that made him want to do anything in his power to make that happen.

“I don’t mind, baby,” he said against your lips, kissing you with urgency, biting your lower lip and pulling it gently to elicit another moan from you. To his disappointment, you seemed to have better self-control than him as you pushed him back, both of you panting as you struggled to catch your breath. He moved his hand back to your hips tracing little circles, feeling comforted by you smoothing his hair you had pulled earlier.

“There are cameras here. I’d rather not make a sex tape on our first date.” You giggled as you pointed to the black sphere in the corner of the room. He had never hated the obsession buildings had for security more, but the crudeness of your comment made him laugh. He had almost forgotten this was your first date, it felt like he had kissed you a thousand times before. You tasted like the relief of an awning in the middle of a summer downpour.

“I think we need to cool down,” you say as you climb off of his lap. “Let’s go.”

He followed you as you led him to the little kitchenette near the end of the room, unable to resist the urge to wrap his hands around your waist in a back hug. He knew he was being too clingy for a first date, but the way you giggled and put your hands over his gave him assurance.

“Lemonade, coke, or water,” you asked as you peered into the fridge.

“You.” He smirked kissing your neck, feeling bold off of the high from your makeout session.

“Joon!” you pretended to sound scandalized as you turned in his arms, smiling warmly. The nickname made his heart swell. It added a familiarity that he didn’t know he missed from you.

“You haven’t called me Joon before. I like it” he smiled as he pecked your lips.

“Hey! We are cooling down! No kissing! Now pick” you chided and Namjoon couldn’t help but wonder if you were this assertive in bed too, a million scenarios playing in his head. Okay, you were right, he needed to cool down.

“I’ll just have water, thanks,” he said as he grabbed the bottle you passed him, opening and gulping half of it. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he was for something other than you. You both made your way to the tables, sitting across from each other.

“So did you finish your proposal?” He asked trying to cool himself but failing as he noticed you running the cold water bottle against your neck, the beads of condensation dripping on your shirt. He cleared his throat as he tried to focus his attention on your eyes, a mantra of stay focused playing in his head.

“Yes! Finally! It’s perfect.” you smiled proudly and somehow he felt a wave of pride too. “What about you? Made any progress?”

“Actually yes. I kind of finished my entire week’s writing in that one hour” he was still amazed by his own progress.

“Okay, Mr Overachiever” you joked and he chuckled.

“To be honest, I didn’t think I’d be able to write anything, but I don’t know your presence is kind of soothing. It helped me focus.” Watching your smile grow wide, he continued, “I’ve been having pretty severe burnout this past month and it has just been hard to put down my thoughts, even non-lyrical ones.” He fidgeted with the water bottle as he looked at it, avoiding eye contact.

He didn’t know why he was telling you this. He recalled when he told you about his struggles as a leader during your first conversation. Somehow being around you led him to vomit out his feelings. It was… unlike him. Namjoon was usually not this honest on dates, or relationships, as much as he would hate to admit it. That’s the reason he broke off his last one. He felt bad lying to her about a busy schedule when he just wanted to be alone. She would have understood, she was kind and thoughtful, but it just felt easier to lie and not put the effort in to explain his thoughts. Even when they broke up, he lied and told her that it was because he couldn’t handle being in a relationship at the moment, when in reality things had cooled off a while ago and he felt guilty as his feelings faded.

He felt your hand reach out and grab one of his, intertwining your fingers. He felt comforted by the gesture as you rubbed your thumb across him before you spoke two words that warmed his heart. “I understand.”

“You know it’s hard to work at full speed all the time. It’s okay to not be at a hundred all the time. The valleys feed the peaks” you continued. It was a simple remark, but it sounded surprisingly poetic to him. He hadn’t felt this understood outside of the boys for a long time. It was refreshing. It was terrifying. He resisted his natural urge to run and hide.

“Are you speaking from experience?” he asked, needing to divert the attention away from his own vulnerabilities.

“Yeah. I had it pretty tough a couple of years ago. Too much pressure from myself, too many expectations. Led to too many vices and panic attacks” you shrugged as you continued and he squeezed your hand to comfort you. “It creeps up from time to time but my therapist and I have it handled” He looked at you in awe. You hadn’t given him a throwaway answer or switched the limelight back at him. You wasted no time in being as vulnerable as him, if not more. He knew at that moment that regardless of where this thing went, he wanted you to know you better.

“Thank you for being honest.” He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it gently. It was an intimate gesture but he wanted you to know how much he appreciated your words - how much he appreciated you - in that moment. You both sat in comfortable silence for a little while, playing with each other’s hands that were still intertwined, till one of you yawned loudly causing the other to giggle. With the weight of the conversation lifting, you both fell back into playful banter as you decided to pack up and call it a night.

“Do you want me to walk you to your car?” Namjoon asked, wanting to drag the night on longer despite it already being almost 2 am.

“Don’t judge me but I actually don’t know how to drive. I was just going to cab back.” he saw you giggle bashfully as you pulled your backpack over your shoulders.

“Oh, no judgment here! Me neither” he laughed. Why does everyone think it is such a big deal to not drive? It’s better for the environment! “Do you want to take one together? I don’t really want you to ride alone this late.” He rubbed the back of his neck, hoping he didn’t come off as if he was trying to dictate what you did.

“I’d really like that,” you said as you walked towards the elevators. He held your hand as you both got on, liking the way you moved closer to him at that.

In the cab you both sat closer than necessary, his arm wrapped around you as you both made plans for your scheduled date later that day, trying not to doze off. When the cab stopped all too soon at your apartment, he kissed you gently as he told you how much he enjoyed your company.

That night laying in bed, his heart felt full as he read your goodnight message. He was sure of it now. He really wanted you in his life.

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[digital-corruption]

Sorry, I kept falling asleep while editing. lol

Haunted by the Past Part 61

We walked down the pier the next day, hooded, masked and hand-in-hand towards the all too familiar fishing boat. I could see Walter on deck cursing to himself as he was cleaning it. He glanced up and saw me there.

“MC?” he looked at me confused.

“Hi Wally,” I waved. “Permission to come on board?”

“Who the hell is he?” Walter frowned. “I didn’t agree to any +1s.”

“Think of him as my escort,” I winked as I hopped over.

“Are you blackmailing him too?” he joked. “Hey! Where’s the beer?”

I rolled my eyes and took my backpack off to show him to two six pack of Coronas inside. “Happy?”

“Well, you know where to put it,” he waved with a smile.

I shook my head and descended below deck. Jake climbed on board after me.

“I don’t know who you are, but don’t think I don’t know you’re responsible,” Walter gritted his teeth.

I rolled my eyes. “Are you done?” I yelled.

Jake didn’t say anything and followed me downstairs. The space below deck wasn’t big. It had a small kitchenette with a mini fridge that I’m pretty sure was only ever used to hold alcohol because I never saw anyone ever catch anything on the boat. Across from the kitchenette there was a small booth table that could barely fit four people. Beyond the kitchenette was a tiny toilet stall and storage.

“No funny business in the cabin!” Walter shouted.

And yes, small sleeping quarters in the bow, though I refused to believe anyone could ever fit in there.

As I unloaded my backpack into the fridge, Jake took his laptop out of his backpack and set up at the table. He pushed himself right up against the side to peer out the porthole window. By the time I sat down next to him he had already accessed the marina's CCTV. He pulled out a small antenna from his bag and plugged it into his laptop. He then began typing away. I watched him as he worked.

“There is a lot of radio chatter,” he frowned.

“Boats use radios to communicate,” I pointed out.

“Yes, they’re on standard, open frequencies. Not likely to be a problem,” he commented. “There is a bit on the private frequencies. The coast guard?”

Jake tapped into the frequency to confirm that it was just the coast guard reporting on standard patrols. He sighed with relief and leant back. His hand slipped onto my thigh casually.

“How am I meant to respond to threats like that?” he asked quietly.

I giggled, “It’s an alpha male thing. Let them beat their chest and move on. If you want to get on their good side, bribe them with alcohol.” I paused for a moment, “Why, how would you respond in the past?”

“I'd lock them out of their accounts,” he smirked.

“Right, digital alpha male response,” I rolled my eyes.

Jake glanced out the porthole, “This is my first time on a boat.”

“What? Really?” I looked at him surprised. “What about an airplane?”

“I haven’t been on one of those either,” he looked back at me sincerely.

I smiled, “I’ll have to fix that. How else are you going to get to a deserted island?”

Jake smiled back at me, “I look forward to it.”

“You’re not so callous after all,” I responded bemused.

“You get a short reprieve,” he frowned.

“You’re nervous about meeting my brother,” I teased.

Jake rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his laptop to watch the CCTV. While I was watching it along with him, I noticed his hand drifting up my thigh and between my legs. I slapped his hand and he smirked, but didn’t budge.

“Aaron's not here yet and Walter is busy,” he purred. “I am not obliged to behave yet.”

“Jake!” I snapped under my breath.

“You need to practice maintaining your composure under stress so we don’t get caught,” Jake watched me squirm as his fingers pressed against my pants. “Your brother is not due for another 45 minutes anyway.“

“You don't have to spend each minute of that groping me,” I groaned.

He smirked, “How else will I pass the time?”

--

“Walter? Why the hell are you calling me out here?” Aaron’s voice rang out from the pier.

“Why can’t old high school besties meet up for a few drinks on my dad's boat?” Walter quipped.

“Besties? The last time I saw you you were making out with my girlfriend!” Aaron snapped.

Well, that explained why they stopped talking.

“Ok, look, that was like, what, eleven years ago? We both know she was a bit of a slut. You saw who she was with like two days later. So why should we stop that from us reconnecting?” Walter palmed off.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Aaron asked angrily.

“Just go get some drinks from the fridge already, I’ll set us off,” Walter instructed.

“Why the hell should I?” Aaron’s feet stomped onto the deck.

“Because you shouldn’t pass up free alcohol!” Walter boasted.

The footsteps down the stairs were long and painstaking. Finally, my brother reached the bottom and his eyes went wide with surprise.

“Hi, Aaron,” I whispered from the table with a small wave.

“Shh,” Jake shushed. He typed away at his laptop while he waited for the boat's engine to start.

Aaron gave me a most perplexed look, but came over and sat down across from me without saying a word. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

“Ok, we're clear,” Jake declared.

“What the hell, MC!?” Aaron snapped. “And why Walter of all people?”

I shrugged, “He’s still the easiest to blackmail and has the least likely connection between us.”

“What were you going to do if I rejected his invitation?” he frowned.

“It was a long shot, sure I’ll admit that. You guys did used to be so tight that I was hopeful you would at least give him a chance,” I explained.

Aaron nodded casually, then glanced over at Jake, who was avoiding all eye contact. “This is the son of a bitch that ruined your life, isn’t it? Pretty ballsy putting yourself on a boat with me in the middle of the water.”

“Really, Aaron? Isn’t that against the medical code?” I laughed.

“I can make an exception for him,” he sneered. “Come on, why don’t you say something?”

“Aaron, I'd rather not go through everything with you right now,” I sighed. “Just believe me when I say it is my choice to be with Jake and I know what I am doing.”

Aaron clenched his fist while staring daggers into Jake’s hood. Jake still didn’t look up from the laptop. Aaron looked back at me and reached over to remove my mask and pull down my hood.

“What the hell has he done to you?” he sneered.

“Please, I cut and dyed my hair, he had nothing to do with it,” I rolled my eyes at him.

“I wasn’t referring to your fucking hair! Your complexion is horrible! And your eyes...” his face twisted. “What else are you hiding under those baggy clothes!?”

“Aaron!” I snapped. “Stop looking at me like one of your patients!”

“I took extra training to recognize signs of abuse in patients,” Aaron glared at Jake. Jake didn’t flinch. “Maybe whatever he’s got is contagious. Take the hoodie off and let me see your body.”

Walter put the engine on neutral and came down into the lower deck, “You could’ve at least gotten me a drink, dude.”

Aaron looked up at Walter apologetically, “Sorry for what I said earlier.”

Walter pulled out a few bottles and plopped them down on the table along with a bottle opener. “Water under the bridge.”

“You helped MC when you didn’t have to,” Aaron popped open a bottle and took a swig.

Walter laughed while popping his bottle, “Your sister still knows how to twist my arm.” He sauntered back to the steps to go above deck again.

“Thanks Wally!” I shouted out.

“I told you, it’s Walter! I’m sophisticated now!” he waved as he went up the stairs.

Aaron popped open a bottle and handed it to me. He left the last bottle untouched as an insult to Jake, not knowing Jake wasn’t going to drink it anyway.

“Your landlord called me to clean out your apartment,” Aaron commented.

“Oh right, you’re listed as my next of kin,” I nodded.

“There were things that broken and things that were missing. I went to ask Gabe, but his apartment was emptied,” Aaron frowned. “That’s no coincidence.”

I sighed, “Gabe was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Are you saying he's...” Aaron raised an eyebrow. I nodded. “What the hell? You better start explaining.”

I held my hand up while I chugged the first half of the bottle. Jake looked over at me questioningly.

“Ok, let’s do this. You’re all under surveillance by some very dangerous and corrupt people. Getting you out on Walter’s family boat was the only way to separate you from them. Jake is currently jamming the frequencies for any listening devices you might be unknowingly carrying. Right now this boat is the most secure place for us to talk,” I explained. “That lawyer you sent to me, I need you to see him on our behalf and pass these documents to him.” I pulled out the manila envelope from Jake’s bag.

Aaron looked at the envelope and then finished his Corona in one go, “Are you trying to make me an accessory?”

“No, no,” I emphasized. “We had been offered a deal, but it smelled beyond fishy. We needed a lawyer to make sure we couldn’t get burnt by it.”

“Swedish fishy?” Aaron raised an eyebrow.

I smiled at the inside joke, “Exactly.”

“Can you at least explain why it smells Swedish fishy?” Aaron grabbed the untouched Corona for himself. I grabbed his hand.

“You’re driving,” I frowned.

“Gee, Mom, I was going to hang with Wally before leaving if that’s ok with you,” Aaron frowned.

I rolled my eyes, “They want Jake to illegally obtain evidence for them as part of the immunity offers for us.”

“Hang on, is this for you or for him?” Aaron slammed the bottle down.

“It helps both of us,” I clarified.

“I know nothing about this prick,” Aaron snapped.

“Well, you know he’s been very tolerant of your insults. We don’t have time for heart-to-hearts here. You and Heather will have to get to know him at Christmas, but we can only make it to Christmas dinner if you help us,” I insisted.

“That’s not happening,” Aaron mumbled.

“Yes it will because you’re going to help us,” I smiled confidently.

“No,” he sighed. “Heather won’t be at Christmas, or at any family gathering.”

“Oh, what? Sorry, I was told you had good news,” I looked at him confused.

“I did, but then you disappeared. She got fed up with waiting for you to return. As if I wanted to have an engagement party when my sister was suddenly missing and wanted by the government,” Aaron finished his second bottle.

“Aaron...” I reached over and squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, I should thank you. I dodged a bullet. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who doesn’t know when to put family first,” Aaron said snarkily while looking at Jake. Then he stood up hastily, grabbed the envelope and pointed at him. “I want her back unharmed. Do you hear me?”

Jake looked up at Aaron, “Yes.”

Aaron narrowed his eyes at Jake, “You only get one chance! You screw it up and you’re a dead man!” Aaron went into the fridge and grabbed two more Coronas before going above deck again.

“Love you, Aaron!” I yelled out. He gave me the finger in response without looking back. “Well, I think that went well,” I drank the rest of my bottle.

“Is all your family like that?” Jake looked at me concerned.

I laughed, “Wait til you meet my parents!”

[maireadralph]

Just a little update now that I feel up to writing a lot

First off I just want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who participated in the Entrapdak Zine - maaaan that was awesome!!  I’m still gobsmacked that there was not only interest but also overwhelming support for what is a little simple PDF zine - you guys, gals and non-binary pals even surpassed the Johto Zine in page count I was not expecting that to happen!

Secondly oh hell yeah I’m up for doing another Entrapdak Zine same as the current one but with a few changes:  

I’m trying to work out a sizing for art that’ll make every art borderless where possible (that’s always been a goal of mine) and make a template available for anyone who’d like to use that

If something comes in landscape/wallpaper sizing I’ll experiment with having a segment at the end that’s a two page spread so that those Readers who can set their PDF reader to two page spread can enjoy that feature

Again I’ve no problem with artwork coming in that’s not the template sizing - that is a benefit of a digital zine, we don’t need to worry about that stuff so much we have a weird freedom in that respect.  If you’re okay with borders, I’m okay with putting it in.

IMO Yes to keeping:

Posting older work (fics or art)

AUs (spacebats, spacebats everywhere)

Fanfics

Poems

No sign up, just submit, anyone can submit regardless of age

Submitting Anonymously will still be an option for those that need it

Everything with pro-Entrapdak content welcome

Other characters allowed as long as Entrapdak are the main focus

PG-13 rating so that everyone can enjoy it anywhere

Digital (easier to share - it still blows my mind that as soon as I posted it online here in London, it was available in America, Europe and the rest of the world at the EXACT SAME time)

A secret post-deadline grace period (but longer this time maybe two weeks?)

One art per person on the cover (I just thought that was a super cute way of making everyone be equal)

Free (that way there’s no money being made so hopefully no legal problems should arise)

Pretty much 99% the same everything

I may have to mention minimum clothing requirements in future. There was some submissions I had to discuss with my hubby if that was suitable for a PG13 audience.  It's all part of the learning curve so don’t you worry 😂 (spoiler: I thinking the minimum clothing requirements for male presenting characters to be speedos/underpants and for female presenting characters to be a bikini/bra and underpants and if not sure please use the female presenting criteria)

Is there anything people would like to see or would prefer things to be done differently?  I’m open to constructive feedback  This is our community’s Zine afterall!  I know some Zines have sign ups and waitlists and here’s me in the corner with a catcher’s mitt screaming “yeet it at me and I’ll catch it!!” 🤣

For reference I’m thinking the next Zine would be available by November/December time - in time for the Holiday Season.  I’m not sure on exact timings yet as I need to work out my own personal timings for that time of the year so please bare with me.  As to the theme (if anyone wants it) I’m thinking the vague “Holiday” or “Holiday Seasons” (which can be flexible enough to be interpreted as Easter, summer holidays, Halloween and the Christmas season) but if someone has a better idea I’d love to hear it! 💜💙

Side note 1: To anyone who has submitted work via the email address please know as promised every email in that accounts inbox and sent folders was sent to the trash approx three days after the Zine went live.  They will be wiped fully from the Trash automatically within 30 days, if someone wishes for them to be deleted faster just say so and I will nuke the lot immediately.  Currently only my laptop and iphone have access to that email account and there are no other records of any personal email addresses.  I did have a Google Excel sheet I kept a track of submissions but that only has the same social medias that were shared in the credits pages

Side Note 2: Ray (formerly known as Rae) knows this Zine exists.  I don’t know if they’ve read it or if they are allowed to partake or comment in fandom related things but please know they know it exists (and have been ❤️ing some of the works over on Twitter)

~~~~~~~

Okay that’s Zine ideas out of the way for now.  Next on my agenda is addressing Hordak Appreciation.  I did openly discuss this previously and I was thinking of August 2nd to co-inside with the anniversary of the episode “Huntara” (aka if you didn’t like Hordak then, you certainly did after that episode)

However that’s too soon after the Zine (whoops that ran a little over) and I don’t want to burn anyone out.  I’m not saying we can’t do something for August 2nd, I’m just saying it’s not fair to expect everyone to be ready or able to do something for August 2nd - we all have lives outside of the internet and fandom.  

So I’m thinking with Entrapta’s birthday being Jan 24th and Hordak’s being Feb 18th...

…why not make that Entrapdak Appreciation Season with the birthdays being the individual character’s appreciation day (and we get Valentine’s Day as a bonus 😉😘)  

During this time we can share fanart and fanfics, stream the show on Netflix party, go on mic chats whatever - just have a lot of fun SFW and NSFW (but please tag NSFW for those that don’t wish to see it) .

Also I’d like to note that for a special Day I’ll be personally be starting that “day” from 00:01 in the earliest possible timezone (UTC+14) and finishing on 00:01 on the latest possible timezone (UTC-12) so that we can all enjoy the festivities at the same time and for as long as possible - that’s my plan 🎉

Again please throw some ideas around, maybe we can do prompts or crossovers or ficlets or something - there’s months to plan this so let’s plan something fun

…

…

Wow I wrote a lot...see I’m dangerous when I get the chance to write stuff 😂