#/ dean: ‘hey. stop okay. just stop. you’re not going to lose control.’

[soullessjack]

it’s rlly interesting to me that so many villains try to manipulate jack by saying that they’re just trying to control him or that they taught him to fear his powers and that he’s only kept in the bunker as a prison to protect the world basically , and pretty much every time he either ignores it & doesn’t respond . but he also doesn’t outwardly disagree (Duma asked if they’d taught him to fear his powers and he fucking shrugs ) and on one hand

> it’s crazy how often the writers will try and hint at their dynamic being kind of fucked up or question if it’s still on a “you only care about what he can do for you” basis — like when jacks own psychotic hallucination insisted that he was only ever their pet monster weapon muscle whose only value came from being useful — only to never go anywhere with it, never have jack actually take that question into consideration

but on the other if we’re assuming that jack is like wordlessly agreeing that he is in fact being contained and controlled and isolated from the world as a safety precaution by the people he explicitly views as both his fathers and his friends? and that he’s supposedly just okay with all of that ?? because he knows that he’s legitimately dangerous? what am I supposed to do with this? what were the writers trying to do with it??? why didn’t they actually do something with it?

[walker-extended-universe]

Falling Down

Relationship(s): Gabriel & Cordell Walker, Cordell Walker & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Emily Walker & Dean Winchester

Tags/Warnings: Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Alternate Universe- Canon Divergence, Crossover, Major Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No Comfort

Summary: Alternate Universe where all 3 brothers go down into the pit. Sam, Cordell, Adam. Lucifer, Michael, Gabriel.

Part 3 of Walkernatural Extras

Written for @juneofdoom prompt 12- Grief

Taglist: @theladywyn, @ihavepointysticks, @klaatu51, @itsjessiegirl1, @neptunium134

-------

Gabriel always knew this day would come. From the moment God brought him into existence, this had been part of the Plan. The endgame of the Grand Story. No matter how much Gabriel tried to ignore it, to pretend the party could just go on forever, he knew the apocalypse was nigh.

You okay in there?

It amazed him how quickly Cordell had become attuned to him.

I’m fine. But It is happening.

Oh. Do we need to do something?

Gabriel wished there was something they could do. But this was Ordained. The big prize fight was happening whether they liked it or not. Their brothers would fight. One side would win, the other would die. And that was the end.

Never knew you to be a pessimist.

You saying you want to fight against destiny?

No. But if my brother is fighting, I don’t want him going in alone.

Well. Gabriel wasn’t going to argue with logic like that.

Fine. Make sure Emily knows where you’re going. I hate it when she yells at me.

—-------------------

Letting Gabriel fly always left him a little off-kilter when they landed, but that wasn’t the only reason Cordell felt uneasy as he stepped into the graveyard.

This was It. The endgame. The prizefight. The ultimate battle between Heaven and Hell. Two sets of brothers, trapped in a maze that they either couldn’t escape or just didn’t know how.

He felt a charge in the air as he turned toward the center of the cemetery. They hadn’t landed too far from the main event. As much as Cordell would rather be right in the middle, trying everything to stop this, there was some kind of energy keeping them from directly interfering. Even as he walked closer, he could feel the push. He was forced to stop a few yards away.

There they stood. Dean. Sam and Lucifer. Michael and Adam. Cordell and Gabriel. Two sets of brothers, standing at the four points of a compass. It was almost like fate.

“You have no business here, Gabriel,” Lucifer sneered. “Why don’t you run off and play some more games with the hairless apes?”

“What? I’m not allowed to play in the reindeer games anymore.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “I only disappeared for a millenia.”

“That’s long enough for you to lose your stake in the game,” Michael said firmly. “You have no place here. Take Dean and leave us to our business.”

“Yeah, not happenin’,” Dean snorted. “I’m not leaving my brother alone.”

“Neither am I,” Gabriel and Cordell said.

“You really do irritate me,” Lucifer stated, glaring at Dean. “If I wasn’t about to burn this world, I would take the time to teach you a lesson. But-”

“Hey! Assbutt!”

Castiel appeared almost out of nowhere and launched a molotov cocktail at Michael, who burst into holy flame.

Lucifer turned his fury on the rogue angel. “Did you just burn my brother?”

Before Castiel could even formulate a response, Lucifer snapped and burst him into pieces. His rage then turned to Dean. “You planned that, didn’t you?” he sneered. “Filthy little mud monkey!”

He lunged at Dean, raising his fist and raining hell down on the eldest Winchester. “You really think you stand a chance against me? The end of this story was written long ago and you are not the hero you thought you were.”

Cordell tried to run forward, but Gabriel held him still. “Let me go,” he hissed.

There’s no helping Dean now. Let him go.

Cordell struggled to regain control of his legs as Dean struggled under Lucifer’s rage.

Then, all of a sudden, it stopped.

Son of a bitch. He really did it.

Cordell watched Lucifer’s fist fall. Then he heard his brother’s voice. “It’s okay, Dean,” Sam said. “I’ve got him.” He turned toward Cordell. “I got him.”

He threw down the key to the Cage and the ground opened up next to him. He held out his arms, waiting to fall as a strong wind whirled from out of the Pit.

“No!”

Cordell whipped his head around and saw Michael. The archangel was pissed and running toward Sam. “No!” He gripped Sam’s lapels and tried to drag him back from the edge. But Sam was determined and kept pulling against him.

In a blink, Cordell was there, grasping onto him too. “Don’t,” he whispered, trying to pull his brother to safety.

Sam shook his head. “You have to let me go,” he pleaded. “I-I have to fix this. Please.”

“No, it doesn’t have to be this way.”

“It’s too late.” Sam smiled sadly. “It’s okay, really. You’ll be okay.”

Then he jumped.

Michael held on. Cordell held on. Lucifer screamed. Sam closed his eyes. Adam hid away from it all. Gabriel tried to pull them all back, using the full strength of his wings to try and save them from Hell-

Then the ground closed behind them.

And they all fell down.

—------------------

Dean stared at the ground for hours. The Earth had been torn in two around the edge of the Pit of Hell. Then his entire family jumped in it. Now, the Earth was whole again, not even a scar to memorialize the damage.

Castiel helped him to his feet. “Sam saved the world, Dean,” he said, probably attempting to soothe him. “A miracle happened on this day.”

Dean wished he could believe that.

What he really didn’t understand was why Henry had been there. Why Gabriel had been there. He could maybe believe in a show of solidarity, a last ditch effort to try to fix what couldn’t be saved. He could almost admire that. He could appreciate Cordell trying to make up for ditching them all those years ago.

But now they were gone. A grand sacrifice that never needed to be made.

And Dean was left behind to pick up the pieces.

“I have to go,” he said eventually. “I-I gotta tell his family. They need to know.” He leaned on Baby as he made his way to the driver’s seat.

He couldn’t even deliver a body for them to burn.

He made the 10 hour drive in 7 hours. He pulled up in front of the perfect suburban house and trudged up to the front door.

He expected Emily to scream. To cry. To slap him and shove him out the door. Hell, he wouldn’t blame her for getting her shotgun.

Instead, she hugged him and invited him to dinner. She kept her smile on for the rest of the day, making her kids laugh and trying to make Dean feel at home.

It wasn’t until the sun went down and the kids were sound asleep that she fell apart. It was like a switch flipped as soon as no one immediately needed her. One moment she was impossibly fine, the next, she was falling into Dean’s arms.

“Why?” she asked. “Why him? Why didn’t Gabriel stop him? Why- Just- Why?”

Dean held her and wished he still had a God to pray to. “I’m sorry.”

Emily buried her head in Dean’s chest and sobbed. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?” she whispered between hiccups.

“I don’t know. But I’m here,” he promised. It wasn’t enough, but he had to try.

He did promise Sam he’d go on without him. And Cordell’s kids needed a father.

Dean could try. He owed them that much.

[annnaanya]

an ode to twenty.

i blinked and suddenly, i am no longer 12, or 15, or 18. i am no longer a child.

I complain a lot. Awfully a lot for someone who hasn’t experienced much at all. May it be over something I cannot control, may it be about someone who has a mind of their own. Stepping into the 20’s club was a journey I never thought I’d get to experience ever. I never planned on living this long, but I guess it’s not too bad. You get your ups and downs, but everything matters, right? Could be for the better for or for the worse, but everything qualifies to be packed up to experience. On the brighter side, it's a more valid reason to complain.

Oh, 20. You’ve done a number on me. If I didn’t know better I wouldn’t have recognized the girl who I was before you. I blinked and suddenly I’m no longer a child. Suddenly, I’m dragging myself out of bed, making myself pretty to pretend like nothing ever fazes me, even if everything does—everything shakes my very being, but I’ve learned to never blink even when things go downhill. I’ve learned how to function even when I’m under the bus, getting drowned in the mud that I personally made myself. I’ve learned how to push through even through the moments that feel suffocating—even through moments that feel like it’s never going to end. I’ve learned how to let go of the heavy things, maybe even some of the pretty things that make my heart feel nice in the name of pushing through. I don’t know how to feel about it, it doesn’t feel fair that I still don’t have the best decision making skills and my judgment is still basically questionable, but hey, if I’m still here, maybe I’m still doing something right, no?

I could go on picking bones on every single questionable thing I’ve done during you, but this is an ode after all, so I will refrain. You’ve done good amid it all, I guess it’s only fair to tell you how proud I am of you. 6 months ago, you were told (by someone professional btw) that you were afraid of success, mostly because of the discomfort that it came with. While it’s already been years of fighting yourself, I’m glad you’re still winning. I’m glad that we’re still here. I’m glad you’re growing to be okay with the discomfort that life throws at you. You’re still shit at it, but you’re okay. You have people to hold on to. They want to be there for you, you need to stop gaslighting yourself that they don’t and that you don’t deserve them. It’s okay. It’s cheesy, but man, everything will be alright in time. You’ll figure it out eventually. 

Life didn’t stop when you were 15. It didn’t stop (in no particular order) when you failed your finals, or when flunked out of the dean’s list, or when you were in the brink of not finishing your thesis on time for the defense, or when some guy broke your heart, or when you physically didn’t walk the stage to deliver your high school speech that you dreamed of for 6 solid years, or when you didn’t get to your dream college—it didn’t stop even if you were too tired to think straight. Life didn’t stop at 15 and all of the other times you wish it would. So now you’re here, finally at 21. It’s not what you expected it to look like, but hey, it’s going to make sense in the long run. Just hold on. You have loved and lost and you’re going to feel more of those but it’s always better to love and have lost than to lose and never have loved at all. 

Fuck whatever happens at 21, let yourself have fun even just for the hope of it all.

[thornedrose44]

Supercorp prompt-

Lena takes an art class to de-stress and Kara is the nude model. Awkward semi- naked flirting ensues.

(A/N: So, I put my own twist on this (hope that’s okay), I made Lena a teacher just because I liked the idea of Lena having to keep her lack of chill under control and be professional in front of a class funny - though this fic went down just a really light, fluffy route which I hadn’t expected when I started it.)

Read on AO3

It had been going well, the first term had passed with only a few missteps and one trip to the emergency room - though, the Dean had told her that Zach had yet to make it through a single class without some sort of accident and had been preemptively banned from taking Chemistry classes for fear of taking out an entire graduation class. 

Lena had never expected to return to her alma mater as a lecturer but the stars had aligned at just the right time. The youngest Luthor had reached a stage in her career where she had finally proven her adoptive mother wrong about not finding success as an artist and had made enough money that she need never paint another picture in her life again. The lack of necessity and the return to a more Luthor-esque lifestyle - galas, fancy balls and paid talks - had subsequently impacted her inspiration. She needed a change. A return to her roots and some sort of stability without losing her ability to make a personal impact with her work. 

Her mentor - J’onn - was stepping down from the art department and had recommended her as his replacement; National City University had jumped at the chance of the world renowned Lena Luthor taking up a teaching position there. 

She was now a third of the way through the school year, settled comfortably into her new role, and absolutely loving it. Her spark was back, and she was enjoying being in one place surrounded by her old friends. She was reconnecting with skills and techniques she hadn’t touched in years whilst simultaneously giving advice and encouragement to students that reminded her of herself when Lillian had cut her off to force her into attending business school and abandoning her dreams. She was finally able to return the kindness J’onn had given her all those years ago to the next generation of artists. 

It was the second term that Lena experienced her first set of real nerves. 

Lena had an artistic weak spot, an achilles heel that she had been able to keep out of her signature artistic style but she would now be forced to confront. 

Life drawing.

It had been her lowest scoring class by a mile and she had avoided the advanced elective classes like the plague. Lena knew practice made perfect but she’d never had enough interest to develop her skills. Her interest had always lied more in natural landscape beauty - J’onn had said her true inspiration lied with trying to recreate her childhood memories of Ireland: emerald rolling hills, rocky cliffs, dense forests ensconced by a mystical fog that lended her artwork a fantastical element that she was now known for.

The problem lied in Lena’s lack of interest in people. 

She had never really seen the ‘art’ in them.

Kelly, Sam and Andrea had spent hours over evening drinks psycho-analysing just why that might be, their two favourite theories were Lena’s family (the loss of her mother and the general unpleasantness of the Luthors) or Lena’s truly terrible dating history (their favourite topic of conversation due to the sheer number of embarrassing stories it elicited).

Lena refused to acknowledge the accuracy of both theories. 

It was therefore with a sense of dread that Lena prepared for the first Life Model Drawing class that Tuesday afternoon. The one small silver lining was that she didn’t need to arrange a model - she had vague memories of J’onn trying to entice volunteers and grumbling under his breath about some of the less than pleasant eager volunteers. J’onn had a list of regular volunteers that he had accrued over the years that were reliable and just liked to help out - most of them older with an appreciation for the arts and more time on their hands than they knew what to do with. The University admin team had organised everything and simply told her to expect a Kara Danvers at the studio some time before the class.

Lena had finished prepping the studio well in advance, reviewed the relevant techniques for most of the morning and even phoned J’onn for a much needed pep talk over lunch. She had just convinced herself that everything might be okay, that she just might be able to do this, when the most beautiful woman Lena had ever laid eyes on burst into the studio.

A toned body that glinted with a light sheen of sweat barely covered by a white v-neck tucked in at the front of a pair of dark jeans that merely brought all of Lena’s attention to the bronze belt buckle that locked away a thousand dirty thoughts. Glorious golden ringlet curls bounced up and down as the woman stumbled to a sudden stop as the most piercing blue eyes imaginable behind thick glasses locked with Lena’s green ones.

“Hi, I’m Kara!” The goddess announced, swallowing thickly and stumbling forward in her hefty black boots as she extended out a hand for Lena to take.

Lena only reached out due to years of Luthor training that had ingrained politeness into her muscle memory - her brain still not firing on all cylinders at the sight of the woman in front of her. Kara’s warm palm connected with Lena’s, long fingers curling gently yet firmly around the edge of her hand and sending arcs of lightning through Lena’s body and causing her breath to stutter. 

“I hope you haven’t been waiting for me for too long.” Kara continued, a bright apologetic smile lighting up her entire face and grinding whatever gears were still turning Lena’s mind to a dead - permanent - halt. “I try to always get here early to help set-up but the interview I was conducting overran - I’m a journalist, by the way - and then my bike - motorbike that is -” Lena’s mind caught on the motorbike and turned it round over and over and over again, “didn’t start and… I’m rambling. Oh, golly! I mean heck, I mean sorry.” Kara huffed, cheeks filling with air before releasing into an adorable pout. “Sorry.”

It was then that Lena realised two things.

One, it was her turn to say something and there had now been at least ten  prolonged seconds of silence as they stared into each other’s eyes.

And two, they were still holding hands because that’s what it was now, it most definitely could not be considered a handshake.

“Umm… hi…” Lena choked out whilst simultaneously jerking her hand back to her side, hoping the somewhat stifling heat of the studio would hide the red blush perfusing her cheeks.  “Lena. I’m Lena, that is…”

“Hi.” Kara murmured, smiling soft and sweet at her causing Lena’s heart to flip and melt and dance and do a million impossible things all at once.

“Hi.” Lena repeated dumbly - so dumbly.

“I should…” Kara chuckled, hands miming grabbing the edge of her t-shirt and lifting it up, “You know?”

Oh, god the goddess is going to undress, Lena’s brain screamed in gay at herself.

“Yeah, definitely do that.” Lena encouraged with a flap of her hand towards the centre of the studio where a solitary illuminated stool awaited. “Do you need anything? Is the lighting okay? Stool… umm… sturdy?”

Kara grinned at her, blue eyes barely sparing a glance at the studio’s set-up, “Looks perfect.”

“Great.” Lena cheered, jerking her thumb over at her desk in the corner where she had prepped her teaching materials, “I’ll… uh… be over there.”

“And I’ll be right here.” Kara shot back with a cheeky wink as she walked over to the stool, a towel awaiting her to provide suitable covering until the class had settled, shucking her white shirt over her head and revealing back muscles that would star in Lena’s fantasies for the foreseeable future.

“Yep.” Lena popped, taking a deep breath and trying to work out if she should be murmuring a thank you to God or screaming a desperate why me.

***

The class had gone well - except for the long periods where her brain shutdown whenever she studied the play of shadows across Kara’s defined musculature. She managed to cover it quite well by making it seem like she was just assessing her students’ work closely, analysing their line work and shading rather than going through an extended gay crisis that eclipsed seeing boobs for the first time in college.

Kara, on the other hand, was a consummate professional, holding a steady pose throughout and utterly unfazed by the concentrated gazes on her - though, Lena could have sworn that she caught deep blue eyes tracking her movements round the half-circle every now and again. 

“So, you’re experienced doing this?” Lena asked, once the last student had departed and Kara was finishing re-tying her sturdy boots back up.

“Taking my clothes off?” Kara chuckled, shooting the teacher an amused smirk, getting to her feet and strolling easily over to where Lena was examining the product of her class’ efforts. 

Lena faltered, “I meant-”

“I’m just teasing.” Kara reassured, reaching out to squeeze Lena’s forearm in a half-apology that Lena could have sworn burnt Kara’s hand print into her skin, “I’ve done this for a while now. I did an interview with J’onn a few years ago and his model bailed at the last minute and I was here already and…” Kara shrugged casually like stepping in was the obvious thing to do, like kindness was the only option - which Lena didn’t doubt for a second was something Kara genuinely believed. “I like helping out where I can. And I just kept coming back…” Kara explained, clasping her hands behind her back as she took a tentative step closer to Lena, “I was never really sure why until-”

“Hey, babe, you ready to go?” 

Lena’s head snapped round to see Andrea strolling through the doorway, eyes fixed on her phone utterly oblivious to the moment she had just trampled all over. Lena wasn’t sure whether Andrea was naturally such a good cockblock or if she practiced at it - regardless of either option Lena’s sexlife had vanished into thin air since she’d returned to living in the same city as Andrea. (Not that Lena thought that her and Kara were heading that way but Lena had been enjoying the hope of it at least).

“Andrea, you’re early for the first time in.... well, ever…” Lena snarked, rolling her eyes before glancing over to Kara, only to find the blonde had taken a large step away from her and her expression was far more neutral and guarded than it had been only moments before.

“Wait, we weren’t meeting at 4?” Andrea frowned, still not bothering to look up.

“Ah, so you’re not early, you’re over an hour late.” Lena remarked.

“God, you’re such a drama queen…” Andrea sighed, finally lifting her gaze from her phone, her eyes immediately alighting on Kara with undisguised interest. “And who is this?”

“Andrea, this is Kara the model for our life drawing classes.” Lena introduced taking a protective step in front of the blonde, an action that did not go unnoticed by the other two occupants in the room. “Kara, this is my supposed best friend who is regularly trying to lose that title.”

“Oh, best friend?” Kara repeated; the familiar brightness from before returning to her expression as she looked excitedly between the two friends.

“Yes.” Lena answered, smiling shyly at Kara and immediately forgetting Andrea’s existence, let alone presence in the room.

“That’s great.” Kara grinned, blushing a light pink a second later as her hands fidgeted with her keys, “I mean… ummm…. That you have a best friend. My sister is my best friend, though I have other friends. I just mean that… friends are cool.” 

Lena laughed lightly at Kara’s ramble, leaning closer towards the blonde without realising until Andrea appeared at her shoulder looking far too pleased with herself.

“Kara,” Andrea greeted, holding out a hand for the blonde to shake (Lena was comforted to see their handshake was quick, almost professional in comparison to the lingering touch Kara and Lena had shared earlier). “The pleasure is all mine.” Andrea declared, winking surreptitiously at the teacher - Lena instantly dreaded the upcoming girl’s night.

“Nice to meet you.” Kara replied friendly and sincere, before smiling softly at Lena and muttering a hopeful, “I’ll see you next week?” 

“I’ll be here.” Lena reassured, watching as Kara nodded farewell to Andrea and departed, waving on her way out.

“Well…” Andrea murmured mischievously.

“Don’t.” Lena said sharply, holding up a finger to deter whatever torment Andrea had brewing. “Not a word. Not a single word.”

“Ooookay.” Andrea lied.

***

“You okay?” Lena asked tentatively, watching as Kara sluggishly slung her bag over her shoulder the pep to her step nowhere near as present as it had been last week. 

They hadn’t had a chance to talk before the class even though Kara arrived much earlier to help set-up - Lena had been helping a student struggling with deadlines and a sudden crisis of confidence which prevented them from interacting. Despite being occupied, Lena had seen the fatigue weighing heavily on the reporter, saw how her impeccable posture dropped and how her students added weary lines to her expression in their artwork. 

“I think you fell asleep on that stool for ten minutes at some point.” Lena murmured, brow creasing in concern.

“Pfft… what?” Kara reassured with a light-hearted wave of her hand. “Impossible.”

Lena arched an unimpressed eyebrow, “You snore. Quite loudly.”

“Oh…” Kara pouted guiltily, rubbing at the back of her neck, “My sister is going through a rough patch and I stayed up late with her last night.”

Lena’s amusement drained away to be replaced with soft, supportive care, “Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she’s doing better.” Kara replied, blue eyes twinkling at Lena’s inquiry that had them both ducking their heads coyly and sharing furtive glances. “I should get going.” Kara coughed out, though she made no move to leave.

“Or…” Lena began hesitantly, heart fluttering in her chest, “we could go for coffee? You should probably have a coffee before driving,” Lena rationalised, nervously stepping back from the blatant romantic line she was toeing, “you know for safety…”

“For safety.” Kara repeated carefully, blue eyes glowing with warmth, “That sounds wonderful.”

***

It didn’t take them long at all to settle into a comfortable routine.

Kara came early to the life model classes, helping set-up the room as they talked about the students' progress and what Lena was going to make the focus of the class. During the class itself, Lena no longer needed to flit as regularly between her students, they had learned the basic techniques enough to practise for themselves, now only requiring light guidance which allowed Lena time to either do some marking or her own art. Kara posed perfectly throughout, though Lena was becoming more and more aware of Kara’s still gaze on her as the weeks passed by. 

After class, it was now custom for them to grab a coffee and go for a long walk around the university campus as they talked about everything and nothing. They would have been building towards a strong friendship if it wasn’t for the lingering touches, blatant flirts, blushes and wandering gazes. 

Lena wasn’t overly sure why they hadn’t crossed that line, made that final move, but she found she didn’t particularly mind the wait. She was convinced that they had both decided that the journey was making the destination all the more desirable.

It became abundantly apparent, though, that Kara thought differently if their conversation after the class midway through the term was anything to go by.

“So do you not like my body?” Kara asked, quick and fearful, eyes looking down at the sketch Lena had done during class of a vase of flowers in the corner rather than of the readily available model.

“What?” Lena muttered in disbelief looking up sharply from her desk to see Kara paling considerably having clearly not intended to ask the question that she had blurted out.

“I… uh…” Kara squeaked, mouth opening and closing rapidly, before lifting her bare wrist up with a jerky motion and whistling in exaggerated surprise, “Wow, look at the time. I’m late for… uh… this thing. Work thing. Interview! That’s a work thing.”

And just like that she was gone - Lena wouldn’t have been surprised if there was a Kara shaped hole in the studio wall with how fast she disappeared - leaving Lena with a sinking, twisty feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her she might have lost more than her regular coffee with Kara over that one interaction.

***

Lena had Kara’s phone number and they had taken to texting throughout the day; however, since Kara’s panicked question - which probably revealed some deep vulnerability in the blonde - there had been complete and total radio silence. No memes, no cute animal pics, no sweet check ins… Lena’s phone remained silent when it once vibrated with life. 

Lena wanted to text or call Kara the second she had left the studio but Lena didn’t feel like this was a conversation they could have over text, so she waited impatiently for them to be face to face again, counting down the days until the next class. 

Lena even took to repeatedly checking in with the admin office to confirm that Kara hadn’t pulled out of modelling; reaching the stage where Jess, the most senior admin in the team, had taken to emailing her every couple of hours to reassure her that Kara still hadn’t cancelled. 

When Kara appeared, nervously stepping into the art room, fingers playing with the hem of her shirt, it was like Lena could finally breathe easy again. The fear and loss eeking away in an instant, giving Lena the necessary courage to stride forward and bare herself in a way that Kara had been doing every week without Lena fully realising.  

“I don’t like drawing people.” Lena announced, shoving her hands into her pockets to resist the temptation to reach out to the other woman as the blonde blinked at her in surprise, listening intently. “It’s kind of a thing with me.” Lena winced, pushing down all the reasons for why that is. “When I draw something I… kind of let whatever it is into me, let it consume me and it… stays with me for a long time after that. It’s why I draw what I draw. I draw my home because it's a part of me already. Drawing someone means carrying them with me and… that’s scary for me.” Lena breathed, glancing at the blonde to see soft understanding in blue eyes. “I just wanted you to know it’s not you.”

Kara nodded, shuffling closer and dipping her head so that she could whisper into the still space between them, “Thank you.” 

“Right,” Lena murmured, swallowing thickly before jerking a thumb over her shoulder, “I should-”

“Do you want to get dinner?” Kara inquired earnestly causing Lena to freeze in hopeful surprise. “After class, that is?”

“Um… Yes.” Lena replied, nodding her head eagerly.

“Awesome.” Kara grinned brightly.

***

Kara took her to a tucked away italian restaurant that was one of National City’s hidden gems. The food was outstanding and the company was even better.

It wasn’t a date, but it wasn’t just friends going out for dinner either. 

Lena would call it a test-run but that would imply that Lena wasn't already one hundred percent certain that she wanted an actual date with Kara. It was more of a date-appetiser if Lena was going to call it anything, a taste to build interest before the real thing. 

Once they had finished their food, Kara didn’t hesitate to interlace their fingers as they went for an evening stroll around a nearby park, both wishing to prolong their time together.

“Can I see your art?” Kara requested; they had been sitting on a bench in front of a lit-up fountain for the last twenty minutes or so in comfortable silence. Lena had expressed an interest in sketching the fountain and Kara hadn’t hesitated to find them a seat and encourage Lena’s desire without complaint, occupying herself with people-watching in the meantime. 

“I’m pretty sure the images are all over the internet.” Lena replied drolly.

“Yeah, I know it’s just…” Lena’s pencil froze in it’s movements finally noticing how hard Kara was trying to act casual, “what you said about it being a part of you, I thought-”

“You want me to show it to you…” Lena inferred, setting her pencil down and closing her handy sketchbook in an instant. 

“It’s stupid, I’ll-” Kara laughed awkwardly, shaking her head in an attempt to brush over the request like it wasn’t a big deal

“I don’t have many pieces here in National City,” Lena said thoughtfully, getting to her feet and holding out a hand for Kara, “but I have some works in progress that I can show you… if you want that is?”  

“I would love that.” Kara beamed, jumping to her feet as Lena tugged her back towards her campus studio, already picking out her favourite pieces in her mind that she wanted to share with the blonde.

***

Lena and Kara’s ‘friendship’ continued to blossom into something neither could have anticipated that day Kara sprinted into the studio all those weeks ago. The weekly class they shared was now always followed by dinner, taking it in turns to share their favourite cuisines and restaurants. They had also grown beyond only seeing each other on their allotted class day, sharing lunches and movie nights and spontaneous coffees as they learned each other's schedule and needs. 

Lena read all of Kara’s articles and spent many an evening asking countless questions about the background to each of them. Likewise, Kara would appear for coffee with one of Lena’s artworks saved in her phone, burning with curiosity about what had inspired it.

Time spent with Kara flew by and, before Lena knew it, it was the final class prior to spring break. Her last class with Kara until the next school year and Lena was finally ready.

She had finally figured it out.

Why she had waited.

Why she had yet to seize the numerous opportunities to transition her relationship with Kara into a romantic one.

It was because she knew. 

She knew from the second that she had taken Kara’s hand in hers when they first met that this was it. That Kara was it.

And that was, and still is, terrifying. 

When they had first met, Lena hadn’t been ready for Kara. Hadn’t been ready for everything that Kara represented and would come to mean. She had needed the time, the time to lower her guard, to trust and hope. 

And now, she was ready and she knew exactly how to let Kara know.

The class came to an end with Lena giving her students a quick speech on how proud of their progress she was and wishing them a good spring break. Kara lingered behind as was now custom, helping Lena tidy up the area before they headed out together.  

“Kara?” Lena called out nervously, sweaty palms rubbing against her black denim covered thighs as her heart beat thunderously in her chest. “I was wondering…” Lena began, clearing her throat as Kara stopped what she was doing to give Lena her undivided attention. “Can I… can I draw you?”

Kara’s brow instantly furrowed in confusion, “I thought-”

“Yeah…” Lena laughed shyly, staring into deep blue eyes, practically begging for Kara to understand what she was really saying. “Can I?” Lena repeated.

Kara pursed her lips thoughtfully as she studied Lena’s expression - it was then Lena realised that Kara understood exactly why they had been waiting. Kara wasn’t replying because she wanted to check that Lena was sure, was giving Lena a chance to delay, was saying - without really saying it - that she could wait longer.

Lena didn’t take the escape Kara offered, instead she lifted her head higher and arched an eyebrow at the blonde.

A thousand-watt smile of excitement took up residence on Kara’s face as she nodded eagerly, “Of course.” 

“Clothes on.” Lena clarified - she had promised herself that the first time she truly studied Kara’s body it would be in a setting where touching would not break any professional standards. 

***

Lena had Kara sit opposite her in her private studio, their knees pressed tightly against one another providing a warm point of contact to keep them grounded. Lena’s gaze flickered from her sketchpad to Kara’s features; occasionally, she would reach out to adjust a lock of golden hair so it caught the light. Kara, meanwhile, had an ever constant soft smile that didn’t diminish for the entirety of the session even as she was forced to rein in her boundless curiosity to stop herself from sneaking a peek at Lena’s sketch until it was ready to be revealed.

Lena only drew Kara’s head because, though, she had spent countless hours in the presence of Kara’s naked body over the course of the last few weeks - when Lena thought of Kara (really thought about her in the way that made her heart skip), it wasn’t her abs or her biceps that Lena pictured (though she did think about them regularly when she was in her bed alone at night). 

It was Kara’s eyes that Lena thought about most. 

How they were so bright and hopeful whilst simultaneously melancholic and lost.

There were whole galaxies in those blue eyes and Lena knew that she could spend the rest of her life drawing them and never get bored, nor get them exactly right.

“What do you think?” Lena asked, slowly turning her sketchbook round for Kara to see.

It wasn’t finished. It was mere line work that would require further detailing but it was a good start and she hoped Kara could see its potential like she did with everything else in the world - like she did with Lena.

“It’s…” Kara began, licking her lips as she pulled the sketchbook closer to her chest like it was something treasured and infinitely rare. “It's incredible.” Kara breathed, the sincerity of her words undeniable due to how they were accompanied by a watery film to her blue eyes.

“I like your body.” Lena whispered, shattering the companionable silence they had drifted into as Kara admired Lena’s artistry.

“W-w-what?” Kara stammered, head jerking up at the out-of-the-blue declaration.

Lena reached out for the sketchbook, lifting it out of Kara’s hand and placing it on the nearby table so that she could take Kara’s hands in hers. 

“You asked if I liked your body a while ago,” Lena reminded the blonde, “and I just thought you should know that I do. I really, really do. I mean really.” Lena emphasised, glancing appreciatively down at Kara’s body prompting the blonde to blush a pleased pink. “But it's more than just that. It’s become more than that. Talking after class, getting coffee, going for dinner… it's the best part of my week. You’re the best part of my week.”

“Lena-” Kara began, her mouth suddenly snapping shut as her jaw clenched and her chin lifted in determination. Blue eyes studied Lena for a long moment and all Lena could do was hold her breath and wait. 

Lena made Kara wait weeks, she could therefore wait the stretched seconds that Kara needed in return without complaint

Kara got confidently to her feet, tugging Lena up with her, squeezing their hands once before releasing her so that she could reach up to tenderly cup Lena’s face. “I’m going to kiss you now.” Kara declared, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Thank fu-” Lena sighed gratefully, cut off from offering up her thanks by Kara’s perfect lips sliding over hers.

[let-them-read-fics]

Blackpink HC / One Shots: Enemies to Lovers, College AU (1/2)

Requested: Yes

Warnings / Misc. -- Bickering, Rivalry, Fluff

A/N: Hey everyone! Anon, I assume you wanted to see each individual relationship with the girls and not OT4 x Reader. If not, I apologize, but I hope you enjoy this regardless.

This post includes Jisoo and Jennie. If you would like to see Rosé and Lisa's, click the link below.

Click for Rosé and Lisa

♡ Happy Reading ♡

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Jisoo

Kim Jisoo: The girl at the top of her class, breezing through her school years with little competition whatsoever. She was used to winning, and anyone that ever tried to challenge her eventually gave up.

You: Also used to being at the top of your class, you were the first person to actually give Jisoo a run for her money. You didn't shy away when challenged by her, and that took her aback.

Your rivalry was one rooted in academics.

When a new project was assigned and you were allowed to choose your teammates, everyone would flock to the two of you in hopes of getting picked.

Bragging rights were awarded to whoever had the longest line of people.

Impatiently waiting to see who scored higher on tests.

Rubbing it in when you did better, and vice versa.

"Ha! Take that, Jisoo. I got a 98."

"Don't get cocky, Y/N. I beat you by 6 points last week."

"Yeah, yeah," you brush her off. "Look who's on top now." You hold your paper up, smiling when she rolls her eyes.

Other competitions were held, and even the teachers caught on and would adjust their lessons accordingly.

"Class, today we'll be having a set of one on one debates, and an anonymous vote will determine the winner of each. The person who defends their opinion the most effectively will win. Jisoo and Y/N, you're up first."

Although losing was always annoying, it made you respect each other a little more.

You both loathed and revered each other, though you'd never let that secret out.

Fighting for the best scholarships and rankings.

Constant bickering and one liners in class

"Should I go ahead and apologize now, or is it okay to wait?"

"Apoligize for what?"

"Ending your career."

*unintelligible mumbling*

"What was that, Y/N?" Jisoo inquires, cocking her head to the side as she narrows her eyes at you.

"I said: you're going down."

She scoffs at that, unaffected. "Please, I'd like to see you try."

You ended up winning that day, and she was all *surprised pikachu*

School would always be interesting and eventful with her

Pretty much everyone else can tell that you have a thing for one another, but the two of you remain oblivious.

Turning Point

Both of you joined the academic team when you enrolled, which meant that you'd be going toe to toe with other school teams in pursuit of the winning title.

On one of your overnight field trips to face off against another school, you were assigned to the same hotel room.

"Mrs. Wilson, I can't stay with her--" You walk down the hotel hallway behind your instructor, hoping she'll see your point. Her reasoning for putting you together on the roster is beyond you.

"Y/N, it's only for a night. You know we can't afford to give all of you individual rooms; our budget's already small." She reasons, eventually turning towards you when she reaches the elevator.

"Alright," you relent with a sigh, putting your hands up.

What she says next surprises you. "Who knows, you might enjoy it." A knowing look shines in her eye, and a small smirk threatens to tug at her features.

The elevator dings just as you go to question her about it, and she bids you farewell before heading in.

You can do this, Y/N. It's just one night; how bad can it be? You ask yourself, taking your sweet time in going back to the room.

---

An Hour Later

In an attempt to kill some time and recover from the fatigue your long road trip brought on, you've been trying to relax and take a nap. In fashion with your typical luck, though, Jisoo is making that nearly impossible.

"Jisoo, turn it down!" You groan, tossing a pillow at her head. She sits on the loveseat at the foot of your bed, completely fixated on the images flashing before her eyes as she plays her video game.

"Shhh, stop distracting me." She says over her shoulder, making you huff.

You value your pride too much to ask nicely, so you suck it up and stick it out for a little while longer. When she lets out a loud shout a few minutes later, though, you've reached the end of your patience.

Wordlessly, you get out of bed and stomp over to the TV, standing directly in front of it.

"Y/N, move! I'll lose!"

You stay there with your arms crossed, and are soon rewarded by the game's voiceover announcing: "Game over."

She huffs and sets her controller down, clearly upset.

"Sucks when people don't listen, huh?" You challenge, still mad that you've been denied a proper nap for so long. Every time you'd be right on the cusp of being drug under, slipping in and out of glorious slumber, she'd do something to ruin it. You're cranky now, and being petty seems like a just punishment for her.

"I can't believe you did that," she shakes her head and rolls her eyes. "That was the championship match!"

"Oh well," you shrug, a smirk tugging at your lips at that new piece of info. Perhaps justice has been served after all.

With one more warning glance at her to tell her not to do it again, you go back to the bed and get comfy, settling under the warm blankets.

---

30 Minutes Later

"ON YOUR RIGHT, ABOUT TO ROUND THE CORNER!" Jisoo bellows out, smirking when she feels you stir behind her. You scowl, wiping the sleep from your eyes.

"Jisoo, I swear to God," you grumble, feeling the irritation rise in you all over again. You get up again and approach her, but she has a plan this time. In one fluid motion, she sticks her foot out in front of you, making you stumble and fall to the ground.

"What the--" as you prepare to reprimand her, you see something out of your peripheral. Aided by your new perspective, you spot the remote controller on the coffee table right in front of you, just an arm's length away.

When Jisoo notices that you haven't screamed at her yet, she looks down and realizes her mistake. A dramatic moment passes where you both lock eyes, before immediately diving for the remote. You manage to get to it first, quickly hugging it close to your body and rolling away from her. She pounces a second later, reaching her hands around you to pry it from your grip.

"Give it back, Y/N!"

"No!"

You writhe underneath her until she manages to get the upper hand, straddling your hips in an attempt to pin you down. She sits back on her knees, gazing down at you as your chests heave from the effort you've exerted.

"Give it." She commands, holding her hand out expectantly.

You shake your head, amused that she thought that would be enough to sway you. "No."

"Then you leave me no choice." Her hands dart forward to your abdomen, and she begins tickling you mercilessly in order to make you surrender. Calls for her to cease her assault struggle past your lips, but you know it's futile. She's a determined person just like you, and she won't stop until she gets what she wants.

So, after taking a second to think of a way out of your predicament, a brilliant idea pops into your head.

You finally let her pry your arms open, smirking when she cheers and claims victory. In one fluid motion, just as she had done before, you wrap your leg around one of hers and flip her onto her back before leaning down to kiss her. She tenses up at first, but her hands end up working their way to your hips as her lips begin to move against yours.

Your plan is backfiring a bit; you only intended to shock her and buy yourself time to steal the remote back -- you never thought you'd actually enjoy the feeling of her kiss. You tilt your head to the side to get a better angle and slowly skim your hand down to hers, where the device is tightly clutched. Her other hand has come up to your jaw, which she's gently guiding as she steals another kiss from your lips.

Her distracted state made it easy to get what you were after, and soon -- much too soon for Jisoo's liking -- you pull away with a victorious smile. She doesn't know what to say; in all honesty, she's almost forgotten how to breathe with the way you kissed her senseless.

"I win." You grin, hopping off of her and shutting the TV off before crawling back into the bed. She stays in that same position for a couple minutes, laying on the floor as she tries to sort through what the hell just happened. She can't even be upset right now; she brings her fingertips to her lips, skimming them over the heart-shaped pillows as she smiles.

The Fallout

Things were a little tense when you shared the bed that night

Anytime you'd roll over and readjust your head on the pillow in your sleep, unknowingly positioning your lips dangerous close to hers, her heartbeat would pick up and she'd have to roll over again

You pretended to be asleep when she scooted back against you, pressing herself against your front in search of the heat that your body provided. You brought an arm around her, enclosing her in a soft embrace that had her blushing crimson

Subtle flirting at the competition the next day

Sticking up for each other when one of the other teams got a little rude

"Hey, don't talk about her like that!" Jisoo warns, glaring at the student from your rival school. His uniform is mussed and unkempt, leaving it as no surprise that he was the one to say such a thing.

"Why do you care?" He laughs back, spurred on as his friends snicker along.

The question catches her off guard; just days ago, she was the one bantering with you and testing your limits. Now though, when someone else is taking it too far, she can't help but feel angry. "Because she's my teammate. Now knock it off or I'll report you to your dean for unsportsmanlike behavior."

He scoffs, but eventually opts to grumble out another insult and turn away, nursing his bruised ego.

"Thanks, Chu." You quietly say, having witnessed the whole encounter from the row behind her. A small smile tugs at your lips at her actions, warming your heart.

"No problem, Y/N. But you'd better help me beat him; I'm not losing to that idiot." You laugh and agree, shaking her hand to seal your pact. She tries not to get too caught up on the smoothness of your skin or how it reminds her of last night, but her brain doesn't listen.

Needless to say, you beat them.

Your team stopped by a nice restaurant on the way back home for a celebratory dinner

Jisoo sat beside you

Cue the blushing and quiet flirting

It's a new side of her that you're not used to seeing. Now, instead of being all hardcore and witty, a simple look from you can make her blush

It doesn't always, though; sometimes she grows bold and lays a hand on your thigh for a moment, laughing at something you said

It's giving very much so gay panic™️, but you wouldn't trade it for the world

After the dinner, you go back to the bus and sit in your seats (which aren't together, surprisingly).

As you scroll through your phone, you get a text from Jisoo. Attached to the message is an invitation to one of her favorite mobile games.

"Hey, Y/N. Will you be my player 2? 🎮"

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Jennie

Jennie Kim: The girl who practically ran the school, always getting her way and never having to lift a finger. She was royalty: the queen bee sat atop her throne, giving orders to the masses that they followed blindly. The whole situation seemed straight out of a poorly-written teenage movie, and it always annoyed you.

You: The girl who stuck to herself, only having a close group of friends that she talked to. You weren't popular, per se, but you weren't cursed to exist at the bottom of the food chain, either. Many people knew you, but you only associated with a select few.

You avoid the "popular" crowd a majority of the time, opting to spend spare time in between classes in the library or outside, doing homework

Jennie is the type of person that has people lined up, waiting for her to ask them to do hers for her. She gets to skip class and do whatever she wants, and she usually takes advantage of that.

She's never been mean to you directly, but you've seen her and her posse pick on people in typical mean girl fashion

You've never noticed the way that she usually targets people who've said bad things about you. She sticks up for you without you even knowing.

So, as you would expect, when your best friend called you and begged you to accompany her to one of the biggest parties of the year (hosted by none other than Jennie's brother), you were definitely surprised. Neither of you are the type to go to anything like that, but you know that she secretly wants to peek into that world of luxury.

"Pleaaaaase, Y/N? I'll do your laundry for a month."

"Fine."

The Turning Point

Your stylish boots crunch lightly against the concrete as you stand outside of the frat house, grimacing when you notice a boy stumble to the side of the house and get sick.

"We might have to bump that offer up to two months," you say to your friend, leaning onto her car as she checks her makeup in the side mirror.

"If it keeps you here for an hour or so, then fine." She smiles, taking your hand and leading you towards the building. Upon opening the door you're immediately greeted by waves of the strong bass of whatever song is playing. Their rhythmic thumps reverberate around the house, and you choose to seek some semblance of peace and quiet by heading to the kitchen. Your friend comes with, and the two of you push your way to the drink bar for refreshments.

"Thanks again for coming along, Y/N/N. You're the best." She leans into you, saying the phrase loud enough for you to hear over the music.

"I know," you hold your head up higher, self-assured. "You'd better go find Benji before things get too wild," you tell her, taking note of how the crowd is quickly growing in size. Benji, her longtime crush, is the only reason you really agreed to tag along; she's been head over heels for him for as long as you've known her, and you see this as the perfect opportunity for her to finally tell him. She needed some backup, and you always come through for your friends.

"Alright, I'll come find you later," she says, nervously smiling as she kisses your cheek as a farewell. You shout encouragement to her retreating figure, grinning wildly when you see her throw her hand up in the air.

Considering you made a drink for her just then before sending her off, you take the time now to make one for yourself. Your hands skim through the air overtop of the different bottles, searching for your favorite flavors and types to mix. As you go to reach across the table for one of them, disaster strikes.

You gasp as cold liquid lands on your shoulder, following gravity's command and rushing down your back and chest. A flurry of apologies follows suit, and you feel a soft hand on the small of your back as you go to turn around.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," Jennie says, covering her mouth in shock. For a moment you're worried that she was dared to do this -- that perhaps her friends sent her off to ruin your outfit and embarrass you. When you find sincere regret in her deep brown eyes, though, all of those worries melt away.

"It's alright," you assure her, shaking your arms to get rid of some of the sticky drink that's trailed its way down. You set your half-filled cup on the table, no longer interested in getting anymore now.

"At least let me wash the shirt for you. I have a coat you can wear while its getting clean."

You furrow your brows at the offer, not expecting that from her. Not only has she apologized, which is practically unheard of from the prima donna, but she's willing to do something for another person?

"Uh, okay." You do your best to mask the confusion in your tone, but it's still plain to see.

"Follow me," she politely instructs, leading you down the hall towards what you assume is the laundry room.

She flips the light on and shuts the door behind you, walking into the closet to search for the spare set of close she keeps here.

When she emerges again, fluffy coat in hand, she begins stumbling over the words she was about about to say. Her eyes land on you, taking in the expanse of exposed skin now that you've stripped off the shirt you were wearing. She can't help but admire the sight; she subconsciously bites her lip, only being brought back to reality when you wave your hand in front of her face.

"Hello? Earth to Jennie?"

"What?" She eventually asks, shaking her head to rid herself of the thoughts swarming in it. She's always had a sort of thing for you, but she never imagined you could look that good. It should be a crime.

"I asked if you have a bathroom around here, so I can, ya know... wash up a bit. Whatever you had to drink is pretty sticky." You chuckle, moving your arm to show her how far it's spread.

"This room over here," she says, approaching a door on the wall opposite you, "is actually a bathroom. Convenient, right?" She asks, flipping the light on for you.

"Absolutely," you perk up, glad to know that you won't have to strut down the hall in your sports bra to get to a bathroom.

She steps to the side and pushes the door open for you, nearly melting when you give her a little wave and shut it behind yourself. She's got it bad.

She takes your shirt and throws it in the washer before setting the knobs correctly, knowing the best combos by heart. She and her brother are close, so it's not uncommon for her to come by and help him with chores when he gets swamped.

A few minutes later you come out of the bathroom clean and dry, nervously fidgeting with your hands as she turns to look at you again. Having the Jennie Kim looking at you in such a way and having her so close is a bit overwhelming, and you're not exactly sure how to deal with it.

"Here," she says, reaching around you to slide her jacket onto your arms. Her face hovers dangerously close to yours as she does, making you hold your breath in anticipation. She pulls the jacket closed, adjusting it so that it lays right, and you look into her eyes.

"Thanks, Jen."

Her heart speeds up at the nickname, though she tries not to show it.

"No problem, sweet thing." She flirts, taking you aback.

Just as you go to say something more, the door blasts open and a couple of her friends pop in. "There you are Jennie! What are you-- oh," they say, watching as the two of you spring apart.

When they realize who you are, they laugh among themselves. "What're you doing in here with her?" They ask, looking you up and down before ultimately appearing unimpressed. Jennie glances at you again, and you can see her going through some sort of inner turmoil.

"Thank God you guys showed up; she won't quit talking. I was just about to leave." She laughs, regaining the bitchy aura that she's known for. You set your jaw and nod, remembering why you choose to stay away from people like them.

"Wow, Jennie. You really had me fooled," you bite back, a bit shocked, but not surprised. You keep your eyes on hers as you take her jacket off and let it drop to the floor in front of her, grabbing a spare towel from the hamper on your way out the door. Her friends scoff at you, wondering what such a nobody like you thinks they're doing treating Jennie like that. You brush past them and send her one last look, conveying all the emotions you feel with a mere glance.

She's disappointed in herself, and she hangs her head as the girls scoop the designer material up and hand it to her.

----

45 Minutes Later

Just 15 more minutes, Y/N; totally doable. You reason with yourself. Jennie left the laundry room soon after you, leaving it vacant for you to put your shirt in the dryer and retrieve it when it was done. Now, clad in the warm material, you sit outside by the fire. Stars are shining brightly in the night sky, illuminating it so beautifully that your mind is taken off of what happened. They twinkle for you, and the sight puts you at ease.

What has that pleasant feeling dissipating in a second, however, is the sound of Jennie's voice as she exits the patio door.

She's talking to her friends about some boy that's in love with her, as the whole school seems to be, and you roll your eyes. With the moment officially ruined, you decide to head back into the house and spend the rest of your sentence there.

Once you stand up from your seat and turn around to take your leave, her friends notice you. "Jesus, you're really obsessed, aren't you? Are you following her or something?" One of them, a snarky blonde from earlier, asks.

You laugh at that. "Hardly," you glance at Jennie, though she avoids eye contact. "I'm sure you'd like that, though. Give you something to talk about other than your split ends." She reels back at your boldness, prepared to start a fight.

"You bitc--"

"Stop," Jennie finally steps in, cutting the girl off. She moves between the two of you, putting a hand on your chest and looking into your eyes.

"Jennie, I don't know what her problem is," the blonde squeaks out, trying to defend her actions.

"The problem doesn't lie with her," she tells her, leaving her puzzled. Jennie continues, "I lied earlier; I'm the one who invited her to the laundry room because I spilled my drink on her." You narrow your eyes at her following her statement, wondering where she's going with this.

"We probably would've kissed, too, if you hadn't walked in."

Your heart speeds up a little at that, but you're still hurt by what she did earlier. Having her be one way with you in private and another in public is never a good sign.

"I'm done with you guys. You turn me into something I'm not," she looks between the small following that's accrued, letting them know how she's been feeling for the past bit. The majority of them are stuck up and entitled, and seeing the hurt in your eyes put things into perspective for her. She likes you, and she wants to be better because of that.

"I don't understand, Jennie," one of them asks, sounding like she's on the brink of tears. Are these people really that invested? You know the hierarchy of popularity is confusing, but they make it seem like she's breaking up with them.

"We're not friends anymore. Not until you get your heads out of your asses and start being nicer."

The crowd clearly doesn't know how to react at her sudden change in attitude, but they mutter out various responses before some of them break away.

You look down at her and glance to the house, wordlessly telling her to follow you so that you can have a moment alone to talk. You lead her over to the patio and stand against the wall.

"I'm sorry," she says, sounding relieved to finally get the words out. Her previous actions have been weighing heavily on her, and she's been doing some introspection. It's not entirely all of a sudden, though; she's been questioning why she still hangs out with them for a while now. This encounter just confirmed her desire to leave them.

"I shouldn't have lied like that. I know it hurt you." She looks away, feeling disappointed again.

"Yeah, it definitely wasn't fun to have my crush talk about me like that." You nod, shoving your hands into your pockets.

"Crush?" Her head raises up, doing a terrible job of concealing the hopefulness she feels blossoming.

"Crush." You lightly smile at the way she blushes at your simple confirmation. She's too adorable for her own good; it's really no wonder than she has everyone on their knees for her.

"Thank you for apologizing," you say after a moment, nudging her shoulder gently. "It's more than your posse usually gives, so I appreciate it. You'd better mean it, though." You cock your head at her expectantly, a hint of warning in your tone.

"You have my word," she smiles, determined to make sure the opportunity you're giving her doesn't go to waste.

The Fallout

In the following weeks, she cut ties with more and more toxic people, causing a bit more drama to stir up, but she didn't care. You were by her side through all of it, as were your friends, and she saw what true community looks like. She had so many people at her beck and call back then, but none of them cared as much as your close knit group. They were in it because of her status, not because of her.

Walking her to class

Both of you sticking up for each other if people try to start stuff

Helping her correct her bad habits if she starts to get judgemental with someone or slips back into her old ways

Being patient with her

Her spoiling you randomly to show how thankful she is for you

"Miss L/N, we have a Candy Gram for you. Sent by Jennie Kim." A staff member says upon entering the classroom, walking the package over to you. You grin widely as you open the note attached to it.

"Come see me after class, Y/N/N. I have something for you."

You were excited for the rest of class

You rode your bike back to her dorm, parking it outside before knocking on the door.

"Hey, Jendeukie. What do you have for--"

You're abruptly cut off by her lips pressing against yours as her hands pull you in, turning you to mush. You sink into her arms and kiss back, reveling in the feeling of finally having this moment with her. You've been waiting for it ever since the party.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," she softly admits, resting her forehead against yours. "I hope I didn't overstep." You can hear the nervousness in her voice, and you smile at how cute she is.

"Quite the opposite, actually. Come here," you pull her in again, lifting her up into your arms as you walk into her dorm. She squeals at the sudden move, but the sound is quickly muffled as you lean in to kiss her again.

[deanstead]

Only You

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Request by anon: Since you're writing for Dean again can I please request a flangst one shot of dean x reader where she gets badly injured during a hunt and after she wakes up dean gets a panic attack because he was so scared of losing her and she's the only one who can calm him down.

Warnings: anxiety, panic attack, mention of injury/blood

A/N: Here it is! I really hope that it turned out okay and that you like it! I always do love writing for Dean! That said, I’m officially rewatching Supernatural again so please send in your Dean requests!!! Ask box is always open, so ask away! Thanks for reading!

*gif not mine*

---

You groaned from where you lay on the floor.

You tried to move but you couldn’t, your eyes finally landing on the red patch blossoming across your abdomen. You twitched your arm as a sharp pain shot through it and your head gave a painful throb.

“Y/N!”

Dean’s face swam in front of you. “D…”

“Sweetheart, it’s okay, it’s okay. I got you.” You could feel Dean’s fingers on the back of your head, followed by his sharp intake of breath.

“Y/N, stay with me. Sweetheart? Look at me.” Dean’s whispers that you so desperately wanted to respond to but couldn’t.

“De…” You muttered again, as your eyes rolled backwards to the sounds of Dean desperately calling your name.

---

Dean paced frantically outside your room, his hands wringing together. His breath was coming in short spurts and he kept looking up every time a door opened.

“Dean.” Sam reached out to touch his shoulder. “She’s going to be okay.”

“You don’t know that.” Dean snapped without looking at his brother.

“Dean.” Sam tried again as the door to your room opened and a doctor stepped out. Dean’s head snapped up, closing the gap between himself and the doctor in an instant.

“How is she?” Dean demanded.

“She had some internal bleeding.” The doctor explained, keeping a grim expression on his face, as Dean felt his heart drop into his gut. “We managed to control most of it with the surgery and managed to fix the fracture surgically as well.”

“What are you saying?” Sam asked, glancing a little at Dean who was visibly stressed, the medical terms bouncing around them.

“Her physical injuries are under control, but she had a bad concussion. We’ll have to wait and see when she wakes up.” The doctor finished, looking between Dean and Sam. “For now, it’s a step in a good direction. We’ll monitor her condition closely and hopefully she’ll wake up soon.”

Dean frowned. “When will she wake up?”

The doctor looked back at Dean. “We’ll have to wait and see.”

“What do you mean you have to…” Dean raised his voice while Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Dean.”

Dean stopped midsentence as he felt Sam’s hand.

“Can we go in to see her?” Sam asked. The doctor nodded and motioned towards the room you were in.

Dean was already halfway there, pushing open the door to look at you – you were lying in bed, hooked up to at least 2 different machines that were beeping, your upper torso was covered with bandages across your arm and abdomen, as was your head.

Dean’s breath caught in his throat as he moved towards you. You looked fragile, as if you would fall to pieces with just a touch.

Gently, he took your uninjured hand in his as he sat next to your bed. “Y/N.” He whispered, your name slipping through his lips.

“You come back to me, you hear me? Please, just come back to me.” Dean whispered, taking your hand and pressing his lips to it.

It took a week before the incessant beeping of the machine finally broke through your consciousness. Dean had barely left your side for a week, only leaving for short periods when Sam forced him to go and get cleaned up, and even then Sam had to swear that he wouldn’t leave your side before Dean would go.

You slowly peeled your eyelids apart, the room slowly focusing, the beeping starting to irritate you.

“Y/N?” Dean’s worried face hovered above yours, his voice drowning out the beeping sounds that were drilling into your head.

“De…an?” Your throat felt parched, it sounded foreign to your ears.

“Hey baby. It’s okay, you’re okay.” Dean soothed, as your eyes darted around, confused. “You’re in the hospital, it’s okay.”

You could feel everything coming back to you, the throb in your head was as real as the feeling of your hand in Dean’s, the warmth you felt spreading through your entire body which you also knew was what had kept you going - a warmth only Dean’s touch could make you feel.

The doctor came by to examine you shortly after and you heard Dean exhale as the doctor brought you through a cognitive exam. “Everything looks good, there’s been no sign of any additional trauma. We’ll monitor her for a few more days and hopefully we can discharge her after that.”

“Welcome back, sport.” Sam smiled, hugging you gently.

Dean let out another audible breath, not saying anything but pressing himself closer to you, planting a kiss on your forehead.

---

After a week, you were finally let out from the hospital. You had been itching to get out for the past four days but for once, Dean was on the doctors’ side.

You were finally back at the bunker. Your arm was still in a sling but at least you were home, in the bunker, with Dean.

Dean was halfway to the kitchen to get you a glass of water when everything from the past two weeks hit him in a sudden intense wave. It felt as painful as if he had been dealt a blow in the gut and he sank to the floor. It felt like his lungs were being squeezed, like he couldn’t breathe.

“Dean? Dean!” Sam rushed towards Dean who was now seated on the floor, his chest heaving although it didn’t feel like any oxygen was entering his system.

Dean’s heart felt like it was pounding in his head instead of his chest and he could feel the fear creeping onto him, the images of your still form bleeding on the floor, of you lying in the hospital bed, all flashing in his head at once.

Sam’s frantic voice travelled through the bunker and you opened the door to Dean’s room where you had been.

“Sam? What’s going…” Your voice trailed off as you noticed Dean slumped on the floor, almost as if he was gasping for air, as he clutched at Sam’s arm.

“Dean?” Your voice rose as you ran to him, clenching your teeth as your arm was jostled in its sling. You bent in front of him. “Dean, baby.”

You put your free hand on his face. “Dean!” You raised your voice more until his green eyes found yours.

“Breathe, baby. Breathe.” You said, now that you had his attention.

Dean’s eyes focused on you and he took a shuddering breath as your face hovered in front of him and he finally felt oxygen fill his lungs. “Y/N.” He whispered.

“I’m right here, look at me. I’m right here.” You reassured him, realising what this was. A panic attack.

Dean hadn’t shown it at all, he had been a rock especially since you had woken up – reassuring you that everything was going to be fine, barely leaving your side but now you realised that he had been really scared.

As Dean’s breathing evened out, you took his hand, putting it onto your cheek. “I’m right here. I’m in front of you. I’m right here with you. It’s okay. Breathe.”

You glanced at Sam who nodded as you saw Dean slowly relax. “You okay?”

Dean took a deep breath but instead of answering you, he pulled you gently into him. You shifted slightly so that your arm was comfortable, allowing yourself to be drawn into him. Dean panted a little slightly but you lay there in his arms until you heard his heartbeat slow.

“Come on, let’s get you up.” You whispered.

He nodded and slowly climbed back up. You gave Sam a small nod and he patted your uninjured shoulder gently. “Call if you need me.” He whispered before you retreated back to Dean’s room, Dean’s hand securely clenched in yours.

“Feeling better?” You asked, after the door closed behind you.

Dean looked at you and gave a small smile. “As long as I have you.” He answered.

You motioned for him to sit and bent down towards him. “Hey, Dean. I’m sorry.” His green eyes jumped back up to lock onto yours. “I didn’t realise how stressed you must have been.” You whispered.

Dean just tugged you into him again, as you sat on him, looping your uninjured arm around his neck.

“I was afraid I was going to lose you. I am afraid.” Dean whispered into your hair.

You tightened your arms around him. “That’s okay, Dean. I’m okay.” You whispered as you felt Dean’s arms tighten around you as well, burrowing his face into your neck.

---

DEAN WINCHESTER TAGLIST

@akshi8278​ | @mrspeacem1nusone​

If you would like to be added to a taglist, you may request here or send me an ask!

[haidyn-reeves]

I’ve Got You

Square: Cuddling Pairing: Dean x Reader Word Count: 2352 Warnings: If cuddling Dean Winchester is a warning, then you’ve been warned. Lil’ bit of angst but lotta bit of fluff! Summary: When Dean loses control during a hunt, Y/N makes sure he knows he’s not alone. A/N: For @spnmixedbingo​ and @spnfluffbingo​!

Over the years, Y/N witnessed the many sides of Dean Winchester, but she wasn’t prepared to see him so torn up and uneasy now that he bore the Mark of Cain. He thought she didn’t notice the flinches, winces, and the grabs at his arm. It was no secret that the Mark was affecting him somehow. She heard him tossing and turning in the room next to hers at night, she saw the longing stares at the bottles of liquor. The Mark made him terrifying when he needed to be, but he was the most vulnerable when he was alone with his thoughts. Dean wanted to create space between them, he knew he could snap at any minute and the thought of hurting Y/N because of the Mark he asked for made him sick.

It was a particularly rough day. Dean lost control again during the hunt, leaving Sam and Y/N bewildered as they stared at the man, First Blade in his shaking hands. Y/N wanted nothing more than to run to his side, to wrap him in her arms and remind him that he was still the greatest man she knew, but the sight of the blade made her stomach turn. Dean had created so much distance between himself and his girl that she wasn’t even sure he’d welcome her embrace.

“Dean, drop the blade,” Sam urged, trying to remain calm so as not to alarm his brother.

“Dean, you’re okay. It’s over,” Y/N soothed, her voice shaking. Sam put his arm out to keep her behind him.

Dean began to come to, snapping out of whatever daze he was in. He blinked his eyes a few times, looking around the room at the slaughtered vampires and their victims. He looked down at his hands, seeing all the blood covering his skin and his clothes. He dropped the Blade as if it were on fire, burning his skin to the touch.

“Kick it over to me, Dean.”

Dean looked up at his brother, slowly getting to his feet and nudging the Blade in Sam’s direction with his foot, refusing to look at Y/N before leaving the warehouse and making his way to Baby. Sam shrugged off his flannel and bent down to pick up the Blade, wrapping it in his shirt.

“Sam, what do we do? He hasn’t had the Mark that long and it already has a hold on him.”

“For now, we keep this blade far away from him. Without the temptation of the blade maybe it’ll calm down enough for us to figure out a better plan.”

“How are we going to keep it from him? You know Dean, if he wants something, he gets it.”

“Leave it to me, for now let’s get him home and I’ll take care of it.”

Y/N nodded, following Sam out of the warehouse. They found Dean attempting to clean himself up, though he was still covered in now-dried blood and his skin was stained red. 

“Hey Dean, how about I drive and you try to get some rest. Y/N can sit up front with me and you can take the back seat to stretch out. We’ll be home soon and then you can clean up properly.”

As if still in a daze, Dean gave a brief nod before climbing into the back seat, passing the keys to Sam before making himself comfortable. Y/N sighed quietly, getting into the passenger’s seat beside Sam as he started the engine, driving them back to the Bunker.

The ride was quiet, Dean having passed out sooner than expected. Y/N was fighting sleep, too anxious about Dean to allow herself to rest. Her heart ached for the older hunter. Simply put, she missed him. She never expected him to ask for a break or space from their relationship. All she wanted to do was help him through this mess but all he wanted to do was keep her safe. He didn’t care that she trusted him with her life; he didn’t trust himself with it while bearing the Mark. 

When Baby pulled into the garage, Sam gently shook Dean awake, throwing his hands up in defense when his brother shot up alarmed. 

“Dean it’s just us, we’re home. Let’s get you inside, yeah?” Dean climbed out of the back seat and stormed into the Bunker, leaving Sam and Y/N to carry in the bags. 

“I guess he remembered what happened and now we have grumpy Dean.” Sam looked down at Y/N, giving her a sad smile.

“Listen, I know you two are on a little break, but I can’t comfort him the way you can, and I know my brother, and I know right now he’s hurting, he’s confused, and he’s upset with himself. He may not want to admit it but he does need you, way more than he’s ever let on.”

“I don’t want to disrespect his wishes, Sam.”

“I know, but I’m telling you, he needs you. Go on, I’ll grab the bags.” He gave her a gentle nudge in the Bunker door’s direction, chuckling as she made her way into the underground fortress.

Y/N followed the twists and turns of the hallway until she got to her bedroom, finding Dean’s door closed next to hers. She knocked on his door, turning the knob when she didn’t hear a response. The man was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor with his hands on his thighs.

“Dean…? Can I run you a bath? Help you clean up?”

“No,” he answered gruffly, still refusing to meet her eyes. 

“Dean, you asked for space. I’m giving you space, but I never agreed to not take care of you, especially when you need it. You take care of everyone else, let yourself be taken care of for once.” Dean didn’t budge and Y/N pursed her lips, going to his dresser and pulling out a henley and sweatpants. “You seem to have forgotten that I don’t take no for an answer, so let’s go.”

Dean rolled his eyes and got up, following Y/N to the bathroom down the hall. She handed him the clothes she picked out, stopping outside the bathroom door. “My aromatherapy body wash is under the sink if you’d like to use it. Always calms me down after a rough day. If you need anything, holler.” She watched him enter the bathroom before going back to her room to change into her pajamas and unpack her duffel. She finished getting ready for bed at the sink in the corner of her room, waiting to hear Dean come down the hall and enter his room. She had no idea how she was going to approach the situation, she just knew she needed to do something to make sure Dean knew he wasn’t alone in dealing with the Mark.

She was packing her duffel away when she heard Dean’s footsteps coming closer to her room before he entered his own. She gave him a few minutes to get settled, taking the time to handle her nerves. What the hell was she nervous about? This was Dean, her man, there was no reason to be this nervous. She took a deep breath before knocking on his bedroom door, hearing an agitated grunt as a response. She rolled her eyes and pushed the door open, finding Dean in the same position as earlier, sitting on the edge of his bed and staring at the floor. His damp hair was standing up in every direction, indicating he had run his fingers through it a ridiculous amount of times while he stewed in his irritation.

“Dean,” she sighed, closing the door behind her.

“Y/N,” he grunted, turning his head away from her. She shook her head, crossing the distance between the doorway and his bed. “Y/N, no-“

She ignored his protests, straddling his thighs and sitting down on his lap. When he refused to meet her gaze, she cupped his cheeks and gently turned his head, making his pretty olive eyes lock with hers. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he huffed, though it was easy to see that his guard was slowly crumbling down. Y/N smiled, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. She kissed his temple, resting her cheek against his as she held him, his body tense against hers.

“Dean, you can hug me back.”

“Don't wanna hurt you,” he mumbled, mostly talking into her shoulder.

“You won’t hurt me, and even if you do, you taught me how to defend myself. I could take you.”

“Not a chance.”

“Dean Winchester, if you don’t hug me back, I will tickle you. And don’t you dare say you aren’t ticklish, I’ve heard you squeal like a little girl if someone so much as pokes your side wrong.”

“Y/N you’re such a pain,” Dean huffed again, limply wrapping his arms around her waist.

“You can do better than that.” Dean rolled his eyes, tightening his hold on her. “I’m supposed to be your pain, Dean.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, his body starting to relax. He buried his face in her shoulder, Y/N rocking them from side to side carefully. 

“You don’t have to do this alone, Dee. Sam and I, we want to help you. Any way we can. And don’t you even try to say you can handle it on your own. I know you can, you’re the strongest man I know, but this? This isn’t something anyone should have to do alone, nor is it something you deserve.”

“Yes I do,” he whispered. “I’ve done terrible things-“

“Darling, the amount of good you’ve done surely outweighs anything bad you’ve ever done. You’ve saved so many lives, Dee. You stopped the apocalypse. You saved the literal world. You don’t deserve anything less than everything good this world has to offer. You’re not a bad person, Dean. I’m not just saying that. I genuinely believe your heart is good. None of us would be here without you.”

“I’m scared.” The words tasted foreign on his tongue. Dean was never one to discuss his feelings, not liking to be vulnerable. Y/N and Sam were the exceptions, he felt comfortable sharing some of his feelings with them, but he’d never told anyone he was scared before.

“It’s okay to be scared, Dean. It’s a scary Mark and a scary burden to bear. But you don’t have to face it alone.”

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, his grip continuing to tighten as he held onto Y/N, almost for dear life. He hated that he pushed her away to cope on his own and now he desperately wanted her back. He nudged his face further into the crook of her neck, his fingers squeezing the material of her pajama top.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, “I need you.”

“I’ve got you,” she pulled back slightly, kissing his forehead. “How about we lay down yeah? You need to get some sleep, babe.”

Dean nodded, letting go of Y/N so they could crawl into his bed. She scooted behind him, spooning him, Dean sinking back against her front. She reached for his right hand, interlocking their fingers and squeezing softly. She looked down at the Mark on his arm and cringed. “Does it hurt?”

“Feels like when you have pins and needles and sunburn all at the same time,” he winced. He pulled their interlocked fingers up to his chest, holding her hand over his heart tightly. Y/N smiled, dipping her head down to press a soft kiss to the back of his neck. He shuddered in her hold, smiling to himself as he tucked himself under her chin.

“I told you you’re ticklish,” she teased. 

“Felt nice though, made me relax.” Y/N smiled, nuzzling her nose at the back of his neck. “I love you, you know.”

“I know Dean, I love you, too. Every inch of your stubborn ass.”

“I was trying to be cute.”

“You don’t have to try, you just are,” she giggled. “But seriously, please don’t push me away, babe. I’m here for you, I’ve got you, always. I want to help in any way I can.”

Dean melted in her embrace, relaxing against her. “I just don’t want to hurt you, sweetheart. The Mark, it takes over sometimes and I don’t want you to be the one that gets hurt because of it.”

“Dean…I know you’re trying to protect me, and I appreciate that and love that about you…but maybe you need to let me and Sam try to protect you for a bit. Just until you get a handle on the Mark and learn to understand it better.”

Dean brought their interlocked hands from his chest to his lips, kissing the back of her hand before turning over in her arms to face her. “If it gets to be too much for you, I need you to promise me you’ll walk away.”

“Dean-“

“Y/N, I’m serious. If I agree to this, I need to know that when it gets too dangerous, you’ll be safe. Promise me.”

Y/N stared into Dean’s eyes, those pretty green orbs always able to say what he wouldn’t allow himself to voice out loud. The worry was evident, but the love was enough to make her heart stop in her chest. She knew she could never actually walk away from him when he needed her most, but if it made him feel better to hear her say it, she could give him that much.

“Y/N-“

“I promise, Dean.” She brushed her lips against his in a soft kiss, sealing the deal.

“Thank you,” he sighed with relief, pulling her impossibly closer. He showered her cheeks in kisses, making her squeal and squirm as his days-old scruff tickled her skin. “Missed this.”

“Missed you.”

“Well played,” he hummed, combing his fingers through her hair as she snuggled into his chest. “Remind me never to do that again.”

“Oh trust me, Winchester. I will.”

Tagging: @lyarr24​ @gia-25​ @waywardrose13​

[crashdevlin]

Swan Song

Author’s Note: This is part Twenty-six of The Best Laid Plans series

Summary: Y/n is living life without marks and without alpha influence...but the End is nigh...sacrifices must be made.

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader, mentions of Alpha!Dean x Omega!Lisa

Word count: 3583

Story Warnings:  angst...A/B/O dynamics, canon divergence, mentions of physical violence against the reader, canon major character deaths and resurrections

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, where are we this week, girl? Hawaii, Puerto Rico?" Bobby asked and you smiled, looking around the dirty Canadian dive bar.

"Santo Domingo. Gotta love the Dominican," you lied.

"Where you really?"

You took a drink of your beer and picked at the peeling vinyl of the table top. "Saskatoon. Cursed church bell, drives people to suicide when they hear it."

"Need help?"

"Nah. I've got this. Just need to convince the vicar to let me melt down a bell that's been part of their church since the 1800s. No big deal." You sighed and scratched at your turtleneck. "How are they?"

"Thought you didn't wanna know about them, Y/n."

"Didn't want to be attached to them. Not the same thing."

Bobby sighed. "They took a trip through Heaven a few days ago...got a message from the big man Himself."

"God? They talked to God?" you asked, eyes wide.

"Talked to someone talks to God...and God said they're on their own."

"Sounds like God...handle it yourself but worship me for 'guiding' you." You rolled your eyes. "Sam isn't taking that well, is he?"

"Dean's taking it worse."

"What? Dean doesn't care about God."

"Think it's more that God was the last hope and He ain't playin'. What are we even supposed to do now, right?"

"Right." A hopeless Dean Winchester was a problem. No telling what he might do. “I’m sure everything will work out. If God isn’t worried, then I guess we shouldn’t worry.”

"Well, I hope you're right, Y/n." You nodded. You were hoping the same. "I'll call next time we got something new."

"Okay. Good luck, Bobby."

"You too."

You slid your phone into your pocket and took a drink of your beer. Things would be fine...or they wouldn't. Only time could tell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

You didn't answer when the call came in from Dean's number. You didn't answer five minutes later when the call came in from Dean's other number. You pulled off into a gas station when your phone dinged with a voicemail message.

"Shoulda known you wouldn't answer...but I really wanted to hear your voice, Y/n. Guess your outgoing message will have to do." He cleared his throat. "I've been thinking about you since you left. Nothing is ever right when you're gone. I think you need to know that. I know why you left. I know I was never really good at being with you. I didn't give you a reason to stay. I should have. But you...you had to leave. You had to make that hard decision and I love you for that. Nobody wanted you to make that decision, to free us, but it was the right choice and I love that you made it. I love you for calling me out on my bullshit. You always did that for me." He sniffled and you could imagine him wiping at his eyes. "And you always kept tryin', even though I pushed you away all the time. You should have given up on me a long time ago and you didn't. I love you, Y/n. I should have said it a long time ago...but more I should have showed you. I should have showed you."

You wiped at your eyes and bit your bottom lip. "I really hope you got to see the world, but if you're on the home continent…stay away from the Midwest. I don't know how big the fight's gonna get."

"Oh, God. Dean, what are you doing?" you whispered as you clicked out of your voicemail to call him back. He didn't answer. "Damn it, Winchester!" You called his other cell, but still didn't get an answer. So you called John's cell. "Where’s Dean?"

John sighed. "Indiana. He's on the goodbye tour."

You rolled your eyes. Indiana meant Lisa. Of course. "He's going to say 'yes', isn't he? After everything, he's going to give up?"

"We aren't going to let him. Sam, Castiel, and I are on our way to stop him."

"You better. He does not get to give up."

"We won't let him," John promised.

"How?"

"We've got an angel on our side, remember? And Castiel really isn't happy about Dean throwing away his sacrifice. We'll keep him safe."

You let out a sigh of relief and nodded. "Let me know if anything bad-"

"Don't worry. We're gonna take care of him."

"Thank you, John."

"Maybe you should call him, though."

"I tried," you responded. "He didn't answer." You shook your head. "It's fine. Get his head on straight. It'll be okay."

"Right. It'll be okay."

"Bye, John." You hung up and set the phone on the passenger seat. You looked up at the sky through your windshield. "I know you don't care about what your angels are doing, but please don't let Dean say 'yes'. Please. I don't ask for a lot but please give me this."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You should come to Detroit." Bobby's words didn't seem worried. Everything about the tone said it was past time to worry.

"What happened?"

"Sam said 'yes' and-"

"What?!"

"It was supposed to be the end of it, Y/n. He was supposed to get control back from Lucifer and jump into the Cage. It was a good plan. Dean and John even approved it, much as they could, ya know, and it-"

"He really thought he was gonna get control from the Devil? Of course it didn't work!" You ran your hand down your face and dug your fingers into your collarbone through your shirt. "So Lucifer has his perfect vessel...what about Michael? Dean didn’t…"

"No, but John's other son did. Heaven brought Adam back from the dead."

"That was nice of 'em. The dumbass said 'yes' because of course he did. So...the fight is...is happening."

"Yeah." He waited a moment. "Come to Detroit."

You sighed. The End. The end of the fight. The end of trying to stop it. The end of the End. "I'm on my way, Bobby."

There was a dark cloud over the city when you pulled the Firebird in next to the Impala in the alleyway outside their hotel. You could feel the hopelessness in the air as you opened the door Bobby indicated in an earlier text and walked in. Dean's eyes raised to meet yours as Bobby rushed to you and wrapped you in a hug. You dropped your duffel and wrapped the redneck in your arms, happy to see him up out of the wheelchair.

"Since when do you walk again?"

"Oh." He looked down at his body as he stepped back. "Demon deal. Added perk. It's a long story."

"Family tradition, those demon deals. At least you got something good out of it."

"Fer a few days."

You patted his shoulder and smiled. "Comes down to it, all we got is a few days at a time."

Dean stood and stepped toward the doorway. "Hey."

"Hey. I'm sorry...about Sam. I know you were all hoping-"

Dean opened his arms but didn't hug you. He waited for you to step into the embrace, green eyes shining with unshed tears as he waited for you to make your choice. There wasn’t a big choice there. Hold a grudge...or hold the man you love. You stepped into him and wrapped your arms around his chest. His arms closed around you and you felt warmth and anguish in the way he held you. There was pain in his scent, anger and hopelessness, but there was a little niggle of comfort as he pressed his lips to your forehead.

There wasn’t a lot said. It was the first time it really felt like a last night on earth. Even the Angel seemed to recognize that things were done. The fight was over. Everything was about to be over.

“I want you to know,” Dean whispered as the sun started going down.

“I know,” you answered. You knew what he would say. It held different significance on a night like that one.

“No. You don’t. You really don’t know...I’ve apologized for pushin’ you away, Y/n, but I need you to know...I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I love you.”

“Dean. I know. Shhh.”

“You’re everything I ever wanted.”

“Everything you ever wanted Sam to have,” you corrected. “Now, shush.” The silence lasted for a few minutes before Dean left, saying he needed some air.

“We did everything right and it doesn’t even matter in the end,” John said, staring at the ceiling.

“Nah. We didn’t do everything right...and it does matter. What we do is more important than anything.” You sighed and leaned forward, resting your head on your knees. “I should have gone to Thailand.”

“Don’t you want to be here with us in your last moments?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah. But I wish these weren’t the last moments.”

Castiel nodded in agreement, before standing. “We should go down...Dean is-”

“Leaving,” you guessed, rushing down to the alleyway without waiting for the others, approaching as he looked in the trunk of the Impala. “Dean?”

“You goin’ someplace?” Bobby asked. “You’re goin’ to do somethin’ stupid. You got that look.”

“I’m gonna go talk to Sam,” Dean answered, heading for the driver’s door.

“You just don’t give up,” Bobby chastised.

“It’s Sam!”

“If you couldn’t reach him here, you’re certainly not going to be able to on the battlefield,” Castiel tried.

“Well, if we’ve already lost, I guess I got nothing to lose, right?” Dean reasoned.

“Boy, this is a bad idea. I don’t wanna lose both of you,” John said.

Dean shook his head. “Too late.”

“I just want you to understand...the only thing that you’re gonna see out there is Michael killing your brother,” Castiel said.

“Well, then I ain’t gonna let him die alone.”

You watched Dean drive away, knowing that he was on his way to his death. “Fuck. We should follow him, right?”

“No. We need to figure out how to even up the chances a little,” John offered. “Hail Mary brainstorm session. Come on. Let’s do this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So...we’re all gonna die,” you said, looking around the room. “We are going to this fight...the fight...to pull distraction long enough for Dean to maybe get through to Sam long enough for Sam to sacrifice himself and throw himself and Lucifer into the Cage. We’re going to die.”

Everyone took deep breaths and nodded. “It’s our only shot,” Bobby said. “For the whole planet, Dean is our only shot.”

“And like the boy said...if we’ve already lost, what do we have to lose?” John said.

"Might as well go down doing something potentially beneficial,” you whispered. “Okay...let’s do this.”

Castiel teleported you to Stull Cemetery just in time to hear Dean tell Michael that he needed five minutes with Lucifer. “Hey, assbutt!” Cas called out, holding up his Molotov cocktail of Holy Fire. The bottle exploded as it hit Michael and he went up in flames. The Angel didn’t last long after that. Lucifer didn’t appreciate the Angel from the lower choir ‘dick’ing with Michael. Castiel exploded into blood and chunks of Angel.

Dean demanded Sam’s attention, but only Lucifer could hear. He grabbed Dean, intent to beat him to death, but Bobby shot at the Archangel, which earned him a snapped neck. John launched himself at Lucifer next and he was thrown across the cemetery, hitting a large stone angel statue. Michael reappeared as Lucifer was beating Dean’s face in with Sam’s fists. You grabbed Adam’s jacket, trying to keep Michael from stopping the altercation. Dean was getting through. You could see it in the hesitation on Sam’s face. You couldn’t let Michael stop it.

“You stupid fucking monkey!” Michael growled, wrapping Adam’s hand around your throat. You sputtered and kicked as he clenched his fist around your neck, cutting off your air. The sound your hyoid made when your throat was crushed like a soda can followed you into the darkness.

So did the sound of crickets. But that wasn’t right. There shouldn’t be crickets in Heaven.

Your eyes blinked open slowly, a sky full of stars greeting you before being filled in by the vision of hazel eyes and a smile. “John? Why are you in my Heaven?”

“Not Heaven, kid. We’re alive, Y/n. Castiel brought us back.” He offered you his hand and you sat up, allowing him to pull you to your feet.

“Who brought Cas back?” you asked. “Because didn’t Lucifer blow him to shit?”

“Yeah. Can only assume God brought him back, just like last time he was blown up by an Archangel.”

“Well, that’s...very nice of God considering that he...didn’t want to help.” John nodded, but he seemed distracted as he let his fingers move to encircle your wrist. “What’s wrong?”

“You...smell really good,” he whispered, his cheeks going pink. “I should…” He cleared his throat and stepped back away from you. “Think everything got renewed.”

You reached up and gingerly touched the area where your concave scars were. You were met with plush, plump skin under the fabric of your turtleneck. When you pulled the shirt away from your neck, you were met with completely smooth skin. No marks, no scars. Pristine.

"I'm…"

"Omega again." John licked his lips and stepped further back. “Unmarked, pure omega.”

“I’m...this is insane. I can’t believe he just...made me...a normal omega again.”

John nodded and cleared his throat. “I think it’s a real good thing, don’t you?”

You nodded and smiled. “I think it’s an amazing thing.”

“Why don’t we go ahead and see if we can find Dean.”

You smiled a bit sadly. “I know where Dean is.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Watching Dean through the front window of Lisa Braeden’s Cicero home made your heart crack. The pain was immense, a longing taking up residence in your chest as you watched Dean hold her, his nose buried in the crook of her neck. Scenting her...his omega.

“You could knock,” John suggested, shoving his hands in his jean pockets. You were sure he was trying to keep from physically comforting you. As much as you wanted the comfort, you appreciated John trying to keep his distance more. “You know he’d be happy to see you alive.”

You shook your head. “No. He’s dreamed of this, John. He dreams of her.” You clutched at your shirt collar. You'd changed into a v-neck on the way to Indiana, excited to show Dean but you knew now that it didn't matter. "He deserves her...and the kid...and any kids she might give him of his own. He deserves to be happy. Let's just...let's go."

"Are you sure?" John asked as you turned away.

"My car is in Detroit. Let's go."

You stared out the window as John drove. It was a blow but not one you couldn't overcome. Dean wasn't ever going to be yours and it was best for you to recognize that and move forward. You were a brand new omega. No marks, no scars from cutting the old marks out. No Dean. No Sam. John, well, he was being nice now but it was going to be best for you to stay away from him, too. You would do best by yourself just like you had since you cut your marks out. You were better alone.

"Don't leave yet," John said as he pulled the stolen car in beside your Pontiac. "You should get some sleep. Get a room, get some rest. Don't drive on this."

You reached over and set your hand on his cheek. "Underneath it all, you're a good man, John. I really appreciate it when you let that man out for me." You swiped your thumb across his cheekbone and smiled. "I'll get a room...but not here. Detroit is not a good place...it's where we lost Sam. Get some rest yourself, though."

"You've got my number. If you ever need anything, Y/n, I'll be there."

You nodded and smiled tightly. "I'll try not to need anything." You got out of the car and headed for yours. Maybe you'd actually travel the world this time. Maybe you'd just hunt the same as always. But you were going to try to not need a damn thing.

You drove out of Detroit and headed South, not stopping until your eyes began to vibrate with lack of sleep. You pulled over into a rest stop and turned off the car, lying the seat back and curling up on your side, waiting for sleep to take you.

Dean would be happy. That was the important thing. Dean was going to be happy with his normal life and you could be happy saving lives...without an alpha. Without anyone. Just you and the road and a good hunt...until you died.

You dreamed of Dean. You dreamed of taking Lisa's place in the normal life...so that you could be what Dean deserved. But even in your dream, Dean made excuses. "I love you...but I can't mark you." "I love you but I can't be with you." "I love you but…"

You blinked your eyes open a few hours later and gasped to see a figure in your passenger seat. You sat up and stared wide-eyed at Sam. "Am I still asleep?"

"Well, I'm not Dean so I'm guessing you're awake."

You ignored the gut shot about Dean and reached into the back, quickly splashing holy water on him and waiting for the sizzle that never came. You pulled your silver knife next and Sam dutifully offered his hand. "Why do you idiots always go for the most nerve-heavy extremity when getting cut? Take the jacket off and give me your bicep or roll your damn pant leg up, you jerk," you snapped. Sam just smirked as he pulled his jacket and flannel off. You were really expecting him to burn with the silver but he didn’t...and moreover, he smelled like Sam. He was not a ghoul. You laughed as you dropped the knife in the center console. "How in the world did you get out of the Cage? I know how hard it is to get out of Hell, but you went into Lucifer’s Cage."

"Can't tell ya." Sam shook his head. "Just woke up in Stull Cemetery, went to check on Dean, saw you and Dad...decided to follow you."

"Why didn't you say something in Cicero?" you asked, analyzing Sam's face. He seemed off. Why would he follow you instead of talking to you and John? Talking to Dean?

"You were with Dad...and I could smell you from across the street, Y/n...I knew you came back all new and improved. Wanted to see what you would do about that. Turns out...nothing."

"You didn't tell Dean you're back?"

"Neither did you." Sam tilted his head and smirked. "He thinks we're both dead...and that means he's gonna stay in Cicero with Lisa. He's going to live a normal life with a normal woman. He's not going to die on some job before he reaches forty. He deserves that...and that's why neither of us knocked on that door."

"So, you're just gonna dive back into the work headfirst and...forget about Dean?"

"Forget? No. But I'm going to leave him the Hell alone. He left me alone at Stanford for years until Dad disappeared and Jess died. Don't you think he deserves the same treatment?"

You looked away and pulled your seat up straight. "Of course he does. He deserves everything.”

“So, we’re going to let him have it, right?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

Sam reached out and set his hand on your knee. “And we can have what we deserve.”

You looked down at his hand, disgust filling you. “Remove it, or I will remove it for you.”

“Come on. You don’t really have a reason to deny me. Not with Dean with Lisa.”

You reached down and pulled his hand off of you. “Dean is not the reason I denied you, Sam. Why are we backtracking here? You seemed to understand this before.”

“We had fun before, didn’t we?” Sam asked.

“It doesn’t matter if we had fun...because the fun stopped mattering as soon as you marked me.” The discomfort you were feeling in his presence made you slip your hand under your seat and pick up your pistol. “You were going to rape me, Sam. That kinda ruins any future fun.”

“You would have liked it, Y/n. I wasn’t planning to hurt you too much.”

Having him admit to it so nonchalantly, with a smirk on his lips, filled you with an angry fear. He didn’t even seem to care. It was worse than when he was hopped up on demon blood. You pulled the pistol out and pointed it at Sam’s temple. “Get the fuck out of my car, Winchester.”

He chuckled and put his hands up. “I’ll see you when you get your panties out of that twist, Y/n.” He backed out of the car and turned, a bit of a skip in his step as he walked away. You hit the lock on your doors and turned the engine over. You’d have to do your best to avoid the resurrected Winchester...just like his father...just like his brother. Best to stay alone. Best to get away.

~~~

The Kitchen Sink - @emoryhemsworth @flamencodiva @wasabiwitteks @rainbowkisses31 @rissbennett @mariekoukie6661 @officiallyunofficialperson @dolphincliffs @mrs-meghan-winchester @gayspacenerd @foxyjwls007 @ilovefanfic86 @marvelfansworld @f-yeahfandoms @wonderlandfandomkingdom @hhiggs @sev3nruby @hobby27 @paintballkid711 @divadinag @thewhiterabbit42 @fantasymyth-1 @queenoftheunderdark @cosicas-cuquis @superfanficnatural @letsby @supernatural-bellawinchester @onethirstyunicorn @swinchester27 @chalicia @screechingartisancashbailiff @death-unbecomes-you @dayasvalkyrie @paryl @wereallbrokenangels @the-american-witch @that-one-gay-girl @tatted-trina6 @sunshineandwings86 @lunarmoon8 @wheezyeds @vicmc624 @couldabeenamermaid @vulgar-library

[wayward-dreamer]

Life’s Lessons - Part 9

Title: Life’s Lessons - A Lesson in Who to Trust

Pairing: Mechanic!Dean x Female!Teacher!Reader (eventual)

Other Pairings: Female!Reader x OMC – Ethan (past, mentioned), Female!Reader x OMC – Mark

Other characters: OFC: Ashley (Mark’s sister), OMC: Stephen (Mark’s brother-in-law).

Word Count: 7,144 (notes in bold, texts, thoughts, song lyrics in italics). 

Part Summary: Thanksgiving time has Dean wondering whether Y/N is better of without him, as she tries to find the right words to broach the subject of her love life with Mark. However, she soon learns the kind of person he is and seeks comfort from the only person who she can truly trust. 

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Insecurities, Dean’s self-deprecation rears its ugly head, Self hate, Emotional Abuse, Mentions of Y/N’s ex, Fighting, Mark gets slapped, More angst, Tears, Comfort, Fluff, Dean being sweet (yes, that’s a warning)

Music: Jerome by Lizzo (playing on the radio while Y/N is driving home scene), Shallow by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper (not featured, but lyrics inserted for emphasis. Listen to it during the scene where Y/N and Dean are watching TV).

Life’s Lessons Spotify Playlist

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been loving this series so far! All your comments and feedback are so appreciated! I hope you’ll enjoy the rest of the journey as we move forward! Happy reading and enjoy! :)

Life’s Lessons Masterlist

Y/N stood in front of the whiteboard, filled with the kids’ ideas and thoughts about the latest book they were covering in class, To Kill A Mockingbird. Given that it was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and they had a half-day and then Friday with no school, she tried to get as much work done with them as possible. She could see they were all itching to leave as soon as the bell rang, so she was really trying to keep their attention. When she looked down at her watch and saw that there was only about five minutes left, she sighed.

“Alright, guys. Why don’t we stop there,” she said, turning back to the class. “I know I’m about to lose you all to the bell soon, anyway.”

They all giggled as they finished writing notes one by one.

“So, before you go… remember to read the last few chapters before Monday” she said, flicking through the novel. “I want us to fill that board up again, okay?”

There were nods and several “yes, Miss Y/L/N”.

“Good” she smiled. “I hope you guys have great Thanksgivings’ and stuff yourselves with Turkey.”

They all laughed, and she joined them. The bell rang loudly, and the kids all sprung up at the same time.

“One at a time through the door, guys!” she shook her head, amused as she’d told them that so many times.

Once they had all left, Y/N packed up her work and shoved everything into her oversized handbag. She picked up her fawn coat and put it on over black sweater, brown checked skirt and brown knee-high heeled boots. She wrapped her scarf around her neck and picked up her bag, walking out of the room after turning the light off and shutting the door. As she walked down the school halls, her heeled boots echoing on the floors, she heard someone calling out to her.

“Y/N!” Charlie called out as she reached her.

“Hey” Y/N smiled. “Ready for the long weekend?”

Charlie sighed in relief. “So ready. I can’t wait to be at Jody’s tomorrow for dinner!”

“Is she a good cook?” Y/N asked, as they walked into the staff room to collect their boxes from lunch.

“She’s the best!” Charlie exclaimed, smiling. “Oh, damn. I haven’t even asked you what your plans are! If you don’t have any, come to Jody’s. She honestly wouldn’t mind one more.”

Y/N laughed, slightly as they picked up what they needed to in the staff room and then walked out. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m actually going to Mark’s sister’s for Thanksgiving. He asked me last week if I wanted to come with him and I said yes.”

“Oh. Okay” Charlie muttered, frowning.

Y/N knew something was up. “What?”

“It’s just… after everything that happened at your birthday, are you sure this is what you want?” Charlie asked, shrugging. “I don’t want to put doubts in your head-”

“You’re not” Y/N said, turning to her. “Truth is… I kind of already have them.”

She had been on edge since that night after her dinner, where Mark had insulted Dean but then also how their night ended. She knew they needed to talk.

“Have you thought more about what to say to him about… you know?” Charlie asked, her eyes widening at the suggestion.

Y/N sighed. “I have. I just have to be honest with him, tell him that he needs to see someone.”

Charlie nodded as they walked over to their cars. After goodbyes and wishes for Thanksgiving, Y/N headed home. As she drove, she thought her and Mark’s relationship. They had now been together for 6 weeks, and things were going… okay. However, they still hadn’t attempted to have sex again, settling for heavy make-out sessions. She knew they needed to talk about what happened that night at his apartment. She was hoping that after things finished up at his sister’s Thanksgiving dinner, he’d invite her over to his apartment again and they could try to see what they could do about it.

She was still a bit weary after what he had said to Dean, but Mark had been on his best behavior since then, and she hoped that he would never do that again. He could be a little arrogant sometimes, but she called him out on it, and he was good about keeping it in control. That didn’t mean she wasn’t worried he’d say something awful again. If that happened, she knew she had to do the right thing and end it. She was giving him another chance to prove himself, so hopefully he wouldn’t screw it up.

Sam walked out of Dean’s house, carrying three chairs, stacked. He took the porch stairs slowly, as Dean did the same behind him, with his own stack of three chairs. They walked over to Sam’s car, putting them into the backseat, before he shut the door.

“You sure that’s all mom needs?” Dean asked.

Sam nodded, making sure the doors were secure. “Yeah, just the chairs. She’s got everything else under control, as always.”

“I don’t know how she does it” Dean shook his head, smiling. “Oh man, I can’t wait to eat!”

Sam scoffed a laugh, shaking his head at his elder brother. “Yeah, I bet you can’t.”

“Hey, no judging me on Thanksgiving, Sammy.” Dean gave him a pointed look, but he smiled slightly, as this was their brotherly banter once again.

Y/N fluffed her hair as she looked at herself in the mirror. She fixed the beige, red and green plaid scarf around her neck as she turned to check that her light grey sweater was properly tucked into the back of her emerald green pleated skirt. She reached under and made sure her nude thigh-high stockings were properly attached to the suspenders and garter belt. Slipping her feet into her nude high heels, she put on her fawn coat, picked up her bag and quickly left the house. She needed to get to Mark’s, and then he was driving them to his sister’s.

As she walked over to her car, she looked across the street and frowned. Dean was outside, talking to a tall man with shaggy brown hair, framed around his head and neck. She smiled as something occurred to her; Dean had said his brother was tall. That had to be Sam.

Dean’s eyes found Y/N’s house again and he suddenly saw that she was outside, standing next to her car. Their eyes met and he felt his heart hammer against his ribcage. He hadn’t seen her since the night of her birthday. She smiled tentatively, with a little wave.

“That’s her, right?” Sam asked, when he noticed Dean looking at her. He remembered her from that night at the bar.

“Y-Yeah, Y/N” Dean stammered, as he continued to look at her.

Sam looked at his brother, eying him suspiciously. He had seen that look on Dean’s face a few times before, including that night at the bar and he knew immediately what it meant. He would need the specifics now, after he left the bar and couldn’t actually meet this girl.

“Hey” Sam called out to her, quickly walking over.

“Sam, what’re you doing?” Dean hissed, trying to grab his jacket but missing. He quickly followed behind him, Sam’s long legs taking him across the street in just a few steps.

Y/N gulped nervously, as she saw the tall man approach her. “Hi.”

“I’m Dean’s brother, Sam” he said, as he offered his hand.

She took it, smiling immediately. “It’s great to finally meet you. Dean’s told me so much about you.”

Sam smiled back, before looking over at Dean teasingly. Dean glared at him, as he shook his head. “Really? I wish I could say the same.”

Y/N laughed a little awkwardly, as they pulled their hands away. “Anyway, it was good to finally put a face to the name, but I should really go.”

“Oh, of course” Sam said, as he stepped aside.

“I’m guessing you’re going over to Mark’s” Dean broke his silence as he turned to her. His expression was blank as he tried not to show what he was feeling. He knew Sam would ask him about it if he did.

“His sister’s” she specified. “They invited me.”

Dean nodded slowly but didn’t say anything. Sam looked between them, sensing something wasn’t right and quickly changing the mood.

“Well, Happy Thanksgiving, Y/N” he smiled at her.

“You too, Sam” she smiled as she looked at him, before looking back at Dean. “Happy Thanksgiving, Dean.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Y/N” he said as he looked into her eyes.

Y/N looked away from him quickly, as she stepped up to her car and got in. The boys walked away from her yard and back to where they had been, as they watched her pull out of the driveway and drive down the street. Once she was out of the vicinity, Dean pushed Sam.

“Why the hell did you go over to her?” he asked, exasperated with his younger brother.

“I was just introducing myself to the mysterious woman across the street, that you failed to tell me about” Sam replied, as a smirk appeared on his face. “I can see why.”

Dean’s eyebrows furrowed as his jaw clenched. “What?”

Sam laughed. “Man, you’re so smitten, it’s hilarious you can’t see it.”

“You don’t what you’re talking about, Sammy” Dean growled, as he scrubbed his hand down his face and shook his head. He turned around and walked back into the house.

“Come on, Dean, I’m not an idiot” Sam said, following behind Dean. “I saw the looks between you two.”

“Sam” Dean groaned. “I’m not talking about this.”

As Dean looked at him, an almost pleading look to drop the subject, Sam realized what was going on.

“Oh wow” he whispered. “You’re falling in love with her.”

“You’re insane” Dean denied. It felt wrong coming out of his mouth, but he couldn’t acknowledge it. Not when he couldn’t do anything about it.

“No, I’m not” Sam said, clearly. He was quiet for a few moments before he walked closer to Dean. “Look, man. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but something did. Clearly whatever is, it started a while ago, while you were still with Lisa.”

Dean glared at him. “How the fuck do you do that?”

Sam shook his head and ignored the question. “So… what’s going on?”

Dean looked at Sam and sighed, resigning himself to the fact that he had to tell his little brother. After he explained everything, Sam didn’t look angry about any of it, and smiled at Dean.

“If Y/N’s the one you want to be with… then Dean, you have to go for it. You gave Lisa three years, and it didn’t go anywhere. Maybe this is it this time” Sam said, smiling.

“God” Dean groaned, shaking his head. “Way to go all chick-flick on this, Sammy.”

“Dean, just listen to me, please” Sam begged. “That relationship… it was killing you. Y/N seems great-”

“I can’t, Sam” Dean said, cutting him off. “She’s with someone else.”

“Oh” Sam said, frowning.

“Yeah” Dean agreed.

Sam looked over at his brother, knowing that wasn’t the only thing he was thinking about.

“What’s going on?” Sam asked, knowingly.

Dean shook his head. Sam really needed to stop being a freaking mind reader. It was better to just say it and deal with it rather than have his brother pester him for the rest of the day.

“I just… she’s amazing” Dean said, leaning back against the back of the couch. “What is she gonna want with me?”

“Dean-” Sam started but Dean cut him off.

“I mean she’s younger than me, by like… 7 years. She’s so fucking smart, she’s absolutely beautiful, and she’s the nicest person I know. She’s been through some shit and she’s still a good person. So… what would she want with me?” Dean scoffed, as everything he was feeling came out.

Sam shook his head, seeing Dean’s self-hating attitude resurfacing. “Dean… you’re the best person I know. You’re hardworking, you care about people. I’m sure she sees that in you, from all the time you’ve spent together. You’ve been there for her, helped her settle into a new life here. Dean, you deserve to finally be happy. If it’s meant to be with Y/N, then it’ll happen. You just have to be patient. You have to stop thinking you don’t deserve happiness, Dean. Hell, you deserve it more than most people.”

Dean looked at Sam and just nodded, not saying anything else.

“So… I’ll see you soon” Sam said, knowing he should leave it there.

Dean was too much in his thoughts to notice that Sam had left. Everything he just said was all true. So then why couldn’t he see that in himself? He decided to get ready to go over to his parents’ and not think about it at that moment. He had a lot to think about, but he just wanted to enjoy Thanksgiving first.

Y/N put a forkful of turkey and yams in her mouth, chewing slowly. She smiled at Mark’s sister, Ashley who sat across from her. Things were a little awkward, giving that she had never met them until now, but at least she and her husband, Stephen were nice people. They were really excited to meet her when she stepped through the door and had been really great hosts that made her feel welcome.

“So, how long have you been teaching, Y/N?” Ashley asked.

Y/N swallowed before answering. “Nearly 3 and a half years. 1 year of substituting and then 2 years in a full-time job, back home, and nearly half a year here. So, still pretty green but I really love it.”

“That’s amazing” Ashley said, smiling.

“Where’s home?” Stephen asked, taking a sip of his wine.

“Rhinebeck, New York” Y/N replied, simply.

“Wow” Stephen laughed. “That’s a big move. Why the change?”

Y/N smiled tentatively, not knowing how to answer the question. She hadn’t told Mark about Ethan yet, and she certainly didn’t want to do it over Thanksgiving dinner at his family’s house.

“I just needed a change” she told him. “Being in one place your whole life… it gets a little boring after a while. Plus, I saw this opportunity and had to take it.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you did” Mark smiled, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

She smiled at him before they went back to eating.

After dinner, Stephen gave Y/N a tour of the house as Mark helped Ashley with the dishes. They washed the big dishes, while they put the plates and cutlery in the dishwasher. As they cleared up, Mark turned to his sister with a smile.

“So… what do you think?” he asked. He wanted her opinion on her Y/N.

“She’s really nice; pretty” Ashley replied, nodding as she washed a platter.

“I feel a ‘but’ coming” Mark said, rolling his eyes.

“But” she started as she looked at him. “I think you need the full story on why she left home.”

“Why?” he asked, confused, as he wiped the platter once she handed it to him.

“Look, I’m sure she’s a great girl. I just think you need to know her reasons for leaving and see whether she’s been genuine or not” she replied, turning the tap off and turning to him.

“Why would she not be?” Mark said, glaring at his sister. He was a little angry that she would insinuate something about Y/N.

“I’m not saying she isn’t; I’m just saying that you need the full story. That’s it. Take it or leave it” she whispered as Y/N and Stephen came back into the room.

“Ashley, I love your house” Y/N smiled, as she gestured around her.

“Thank you” Ashley smiled in return. “Alright, dessert time.”

Meanwhile at the Winchester house, their dinner was far louder with a lot more people. John sat at one end of the table, with Mary at the other. Around the table was Dean next to Mary, Ellen next to him, Jo next to her. On the other side was Sam next to Mary, Eileen next to him, and Bobby next to her who was visiting them in Lawrence from South Dakota until after Christmas.

“So, who’s starting with what they’re thankful for?” Mary asked, smiling as everyone filled up their plates.

Everyone went around the table, saying what they were thankful as they all ate. There were normal answers of thankful for family and thankful for the chance to all be together.

When it was Dean’s turn, he was nervous. He wanted to tell them all something, something he was excited about and he wanted them to know.

“Dean?” Mary said, gesturing for him to speak.

“Um, well… I’m thankful for dad” Dean started, as he glanced over at his father. John looked at Dean, confused, as Dean went on. “I’m thankful that you trusted me with the garage when you left it to me to run because uh… I found a new building lot a few minutes outside of town. We’re expanding and turning that location into a restoration site for classics.”

The whole table erupted in cheers, as everyone congratulated Dean. Mary leaned over and kissed his cheek, hugging him tightly. Dean saw John get up from his seat and stood up, as John walked over. He put his hands on Dean’s shoulders, smiling at him.

“I’m so proud of you” he said.

“Thanks dad” Dean said, smiling in return. They embraced each other, John patting Dean’s back as they hugged.

As they pulled away, John looked like he had tears in his eyes. “Listen, let’s talk later. There’s something I want to say to you.”

“Okay” Dean nodded, slightly concerned about his dad.

“That’s awesome, man. Let me look over the contract for the building before you sign, see if everything’s legit” Sam said, smiling as he was happy for his brother.

“Yeah, for sure” Dean agreed.

“Anything you need from me, son, you got it” Bobby said, from across the table.

“Thanks, Bobby” Dean nodded.

Dean couldn’t remember the last time he had been this happy. Everyone shared that with him, as they were proud of the steps he had taken to get here. He loved what he did, and he was excited to build on it and make it something really incredible.

After eating, a few others helped Mary clear up and put away the food. Jo and Ellen were putting food in the fridge, as Dean walked in. As he walked past them at the kitchen bench, he reached into one of the Tupperware containers and took a slice of Turkey, munching on it.

“Hey!” Jo protested. “That was my share of the turkey.”

“It’s all one bird, Harvelle” he mumbled around the slice in his mouth.

“You suck, Winchester” she muttered, glaring at him.

He chuckled as Mary shook her head at him, rolling her eyes playfully as he started helping her with the dishes. Mary looked over at him as he stacked the dishwasher, his demeanor different all of sudden from being fine just a few seconds ago. She sensed something was off.

“Everything okay?” she asked.

Dean nodded, not looking at her. “Yeah. Everything’s good.”

Mary wiped her hands on a dish cloth, as she walked closer to him. “How come I don’t believe you?”

“Mom” Dean shook his head, not really sure if he was in the mood for his mom’s intuition. He couldn’t tell her about Y/N just yet.

“Look, whatever it is… when you’re ready to talk, I’m here. Like I always am” she reassured him, placing her hands on his cheeks.

“Thanks, mom” he said, quietly. She moved in and they hugged, tightly.

When they let go of each other, Dean saw his father wave him over.

Dean followed John down into the basement, which was more of a den for John now. He walked past his desk and over to a little bar cart he had, pouring a double of whiskey into two tumblers. He walked over to Dean and handed one over but didn’t drink it yet.

“What I’m about to say, it’s been a long time coming but I need you to know this” John said, looking down at his glass before he looked up at his son.

“What is it, dad?” Dean asked, his jaw clenched out of fear that something was wrong.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I’m sorry for putting everything on you when I left after that big fight with your mom. I apologized to her and she forgave me, even if I felt like I didn’t deserve it. I… I never apologized to you, though. I should have. You were 24, just starting at the garage in a more responsible role, but I left everything on your shoulders when I should’ve been there to help you” John said, shaking his head as his eyes glistened.

Dean nodded, understanding him completely. He had always understood why his dad left, and always thought he didn’t need an apology for it. When Y/N told him that it was an important part in moving on, he had agreed. And now here he was, receiving an apology organically, without having to say anything to prompt it. It was like she knew, and it was another reason Dean was grateful to her. If only he could tell his father how important she was to this moment finally happening.

“Dad, I get it. I understand why you left, and yeah sure I was angry when you did… but I got it. I still do. You leaving made me more responsible, and when you did properly hand the garage over to me a few years after that, I was ready for it because of what had happened. So… despite it being a hard time for all of us, it happened for a reason” Dean told him.

“And now you’re expanding the business” John smiled. “I’m so proud of you, Dean.”

“Thanks” Dean smirked.

They clinked their glasses together. As Dean took a sip, he saw his dad still looking at him.

“Now, I just want you to be happy with everything else in your life” John said, looking at him knowingly.

“Dad, I’m not telling you about Y/N” Dean shot him down.

“Oh come on” John laughed. Dean knew what to say to make his father drop the subject.

“Okay, let me put it this way. If mom found out that you knew about Y/N before she did, what would she do?” Dean asked, smirking.

John’s eyes widened. “Okay, you got me there.”

Dean laughed but didn’t say anything, as they both headed upstairs again.

Mark opened the door to his apartment and let Y/N in as he closed the door. She took off her coat and hung it on the back of the stool, as she paced the apartment. Her mind had been reeling in the car on the drive back from his sister’s, and she knew she had to speak up about what she needed to, soon.

“Can I get you anything?” he asked, as he stood in the kitchen.

“No, I’m good” she replied, shaking her head.

“Are you okay?” he asked, knowing straight away that something was wrong. “You were really quiet in the car.”

She sighed, knowing this was it. She tried to smile but she couldn’t. “Mark, we need to talk.”

His face immediately morphed into a frown. “About what?”

“About this” she said, gesturing between them. “I think that we have to get some help, some advice on what to do.”

“Y/N, you’re not making any sense. Advice for what?” he asked, shaking his head in confusion, as he walked over to her.

“For what happened last time when tried to have sex” Y/N sighed, knowing she couldn’t be discreet anymore. “For the fact that you… um… arrived in about 10 seconds of getting started, give or take.”

“What?” Mark shook his head, still not understanding.

She was trying to put it as kindly as she could. She didn’t want to hurt him. “I think you should see someone and then we can try again. Maybe it’ll be better then.”

Mark scoffed a laugh as he stared at her. “What the fuck are you talking about? I-I… I don’t do that.”

Y/N frowned and sighed, as she walked over to him. “Mark, it’s okay. I’m not upset. I just want to see what we can do, and then get past this little hurdle.”

“Little hurdle?” Mark asked, his eyebrows raised. “The fact that you’re accusing me of having some kind of problem with my dick isn’t a little hurdle, Y/N.”

He was getting harsh and she needed to bring the situation down again.

“I’m not accusing you, Mark. I’m telling you the truth. You need to see that this is real and that it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with finding out what’s wrong and us having a great sex life” she countered, trying to remain calm.

He laughed, bitterly and it made her feel sick. “So, now we have a bad sex life?”

“No, I’m saying we don’t have one at all. When you can’t keep it up one time and the next time you get off way too early and I don’t at all… there’s a problem” she replied, glaring at him.

“So, what… you didn’t cum?” he asked, his face morphing into a look of anger. He moved closer to her as he waited for an answer.

She stopped glaring at him as she shook her head. “No.”

“Then maybe you’re the problem” he snapped; his eyebrows furrowed.

“Excuse me?” She moved closer to him, as her eyes widened.

“Yeah, maybe you’re tired from opening your legs for some guy behind my back, that you can’t!” he yelled.

Y/N saw red as her hand lifted up and slapped him across his face, sending a resounding sound around the apartment. “You son of a bitch! I’m trying to help you and that’s what you have to say to me?!”

“I don’t need your help!” he yelled in her face, his eyes glowering as he shook her.

Y/N pushed him hard, his back hitting the wall behind him. He glared at her but made no attempt to move.

“Lose my number, you pathetic ass” she bit back. “I hope whoever comes after me is happy knowing you’re a selfish jerk who can’t see that he’s got a problem.”

Mark was frozen in his place, not being able to move. She quickly took that opportunity to pick up her coat and bag, marching across to the door. With one final glance at him, she opened the door of the apartment and stepped out, slamming it behind her.

Y/N raced down to her car, which was parked in one of the side streets. She got in and didn’t waste time, driving away from the curb quickly. As she drove home, her mind raced. How? How had she gotten herself into this mess again? First Ethan, now Mark. Was she some kind of bad luck attractor? Did she not deserve to have a decent man in her life? She had to thank a higher power that it wasn’t anything worse.

Flicking the radio on, she tried to drown out her anger. As the song changed to Lizzo’s Jerome, she couldn’t help but smile at how appropriate it was. She didn’t need Mark. She didn’t need a man who couldn’t grow up and recognize he had a problem. He was better off with someone else, someone who could handle his baggage.

However, as she felt her eyes welling up and hindering her vision, her mind was reverting back to what it was like when Ethan was in her life. It was telling her that she didn’t deserve to be with anyone. That she was destined to be alone.

She couldn’t wait to get home and let everything she was feeling out.

Dean got out of the Impala, stretching out his limbs. He had truly stuffed himself with the delicious food his mother had made and now he was ready to kick back and relax on the couch, before heading to bed. He was going to go do a little work on the new house the next day, so he knew he needed to be up early.

As he walked to the porch stairs, he frowned when he heard screeching tires approaching. He watched as Y/N’s car pulled harshly into her driveway, the engine cutting out. She got out of the car and slammed the door, but jerked back as something got stuck.

“Fuck!” she yelled, not caring how loud she was considering she was clearly in distress.

Dean didn’t hesitate, rushing over to her. He saw her trying to pull the strap of her bag from where it was stuck in the door.

“Hey, hey, Y/N, it’s okay” he said, as he approached her and put his hand gently on her shoulder. He saw her face and wondered what the hell was going on. He had never seen her that angry before. She was breathing heavily, her expression angry but on the verge of tears. He took the keys from her hands and unjammed the door, taking her bag out before locking the car.

“Thanks” she whispered, not being able to speak louder.

“It’s okay, sweetheart” he said, softly. “Come on.”

He lightly took her hand, relaxing when she didn’t flinch, and guided her to her house.

When they stepped in, Dean helped Y/N over to the couch. He gently sat her down but grimaced as he watched her, her breaths becoming short and worrying.

“Y/N, look at me” he said, gently. When she did, he saw tears start to roll down her cheeks.

“Why…” she struggled to breath as she shook her head. “Why does this keep happening?” she asked, her voice breaking.

The damn broke as she began to sob. She hunched over but Dean held her close, wrapping his arms around her. She leaned her head on his shoulder, as Dean held her against his chest, his chin on top of her head.

“Y/N, sweetheart, it’s okay. I’m here” he told her, comforting her. “I got you.”

She gripped his jacket tightly, her body shaking against his. “I-I…”

“It’s all gonna be okay, I’m here, sweetheart. I’m here” he whispered in her ear.

Dean just held her and rubbed her back, soothingly. When Y/N’s breathing had returned mostly to normal and she was only letting out small whimpers, she lifted herself off him. She slowly opened her eyes, looking into his green eyes.

“I’m sorry” she choked out, wiping her face roughly. She rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed at herself, but he hoped she didn’t think that way anymore.

Dean shook his head, offering her a small smile. “Don’t ever be sorry, sweetheart.”

“I… I…” she said, shaking her head.

“Let me get you some water” Dean said, slowly unwrapping himself from her.

He went into the kitchen and found her glasses cabinet, taking one out and filling it with water. He walked back over and handed her the water, watching as she drank slowly.

She wiped her mouth on her sweater sleeve and put the glass on the coffee table.

“Did he… did he do something to you?” he asked, looking into her eyes.

Y/N shook her head and saw his jaw clench, his expression angry and sad. “It was my fault, I shouldn’t have upset him.”

Dean shook his head, gently taking her hand in his. “I’m sure it’s not, Y/N.”

She waited a few moments to calm down before she spoke. “He’s clearly got issues in the bedroom, but he can’t acknowledge that and decided to blame me for it instead.”

Dean could feel a raging fire within himself, but he kept calm for her. All he wanted to do was find Mark and kick his ass into oblivion, but he knew Y/N would never tell him where he lived for that very reason.

“I sure know how to pick them” she laughed, and they suddenly turned into quiet sobs as she launched herself into him, wrapping her arms around him as she buried her face in his neck. Dean held her close, never wanting to let her go. They weren’t sure how long they stayed that way.

She pulled away first, slowly and looked up into his eyes again. “Don’t leave me tonight” she said, quietly. “Please? I… I don’t want to be alone.”

“You’re not alone.” Dean leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers. “I’ll never leave you.”

After a few more minutes of holding each other close, they pulled away from each other. Y/N’s sadness suddenly escalated into anger, her face forming into a glare as she stood up. She walked over to her little bar, picked up a tumbler and poured a decent amount of whiskey into it. She took a large sip, not even hissing as it burned her throat when it went down. Dean watched silently, worried about what she was feeling and going through.

“Y/N…” he started but she cut him off.

“Fuck him” she snapped. She turned around and faced Dean, scowl still prominent. “Fuck him for making me think that his problems in the bedroom were my fault. Fuck. Him.”

Dean didn’t say anything, knowing she needed to let it all out. He raised an eyebrow as he wondered what Mark’s problems were, but he figured he really didn’t need to know. He had a feeling he was thinking the right thing, though.

“I was trying to help him” she said, shaking her head with a bitter scoff. “What did I do to fall into something like this again?” she asked, her eyes glistening again. “He’s exactly like Ethan, and somehow… I couldn’t see it. I fell for it again.”

She shook her head as it dropped down, her eyes closed as she tried to hold back her tears. Dean walked up to her, lifted her chin up with his finger, gently, until their eyes met.

“You didn’t do anything, Y/N. It’s them who should know they’ve got a good thing when it’s right in front of them. You’re too good for them. Some guy is gonna come along someday and see that how lucky he is to have you” he said, staring into her eyes.

Y/N didn’t say anything as she continued to look into his eyes. He said some guy, but that’s not what she wanted. She wanted him.

She nodded, a small smile gracing her face. “Thank you, Dean. You’re… I feel like I’ll never be able to thank you enough. I owe you so much.”

He smirked, shaking his head. “You don’t owe me anything, sweetheart.”

Y/N smiled before she looked up at the clock. It wasn’t all that late, just 9pm, but she was exhausted. Her body felt drained and she really wanted to turn in early.

“I should get changed” she said, looking away from him. “Do you want to go home and get changed?” she asked him, as she took in his attire.

Dean shook his head, as he looked at himself and then up at her. “No, it’s okay. I’ll just uh… I’ll sleep like this.”

“You sure?” she asked, frowning.

“I’m sure, Y/N” he replied, with a small chuckle.

She smiled, softly with a slow nod. “Okay.”

Y/N excused herself to go get changed into her red and black plaid pyjamas and loose, black t-shirt. As she walked out, she laughed a little as she saw Dean standing in her living room, looking over her books, records and DVDs.

“Dean, you can make yourself comfortable” she said, as she sat down on the couch, her legs tucked under her. “I don’t mind.”

Dean walked over as he took his jacket off, hanging it over the back of the couch. He sat down on the other end of the couch, a large gap between them.

“I don’t bite, either” she laughed as she looked at him.

Dean gave her a nod as he moved a little closer. Y/N wasn’t satisfied with that, so she moved in rest of the way, her body incredibly close to his. She leaned her head on his shoulder, giving him the ability to smell her strawberry shampoo. She turned on the TV and flicked through the channels, trying to land on something.

“Tell me something good” she said, as she kept flicking through the channels.

“Something good?” he questioned, wondering what he could tell her. He smirked as it came to him. “Well… I’m still yet to sign the contract because I want Sammy to look over it, but… I found a building for the restoration site.”

She gasped, her face erupting into a huge smile. “Dean, that’s wonderful news!”

Dean was glad to see her happy after what occurred today. He laughed a little as his arms wrapped around her, when she threw herself into him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“I’m so happy for you” she said, quietly but he still heard her.

“Thanks, Y/N” he smirked, as they pulled away from each other.

She smiled at him but looked away back to the TV, to continue flicking through channels.

Dean smiled as he watched her. He never thought he’d have another person in his corner, other than his family. Lisa used to be happy for him when he’d do well, before things started to change for them. It was different with Y/N, though. She wasn’t just happy for him. She was genuinely excited and wanted to know about every aspect of his life and his work. He knew in that moment that he couldn’t let her go. He’d give her some time, considering she still had to sort out her situation with Mark, but after that… he was going to bite the bullet ask her out.

Tell me somethin’, girl

Are you happy in this modern world?

Or do you need more?

Is there somethin’ else you’re searchin’ for?

When Y/N finally settled on a channel playing re-runs of The Three Stooges, Dean looked at the screen with a big smirk on his face. She took that time to glance over at him from the corner of her eye. This man was unlike any she had ever encountered. He was different from the men she had dated in so many ways. He may have had a tough yet incredibly handsome exterior, but his generous, caring nature was what drew her towards him. She needed to give herself a little time to clear her head and her life of Mark, but then she was ready to pursue things with Dean. She had been ready for him for so long, but their timing had been all off. Now, there was nothing to come in between them.

Looking at him as he sat next to her, she knew she wanted him to always be right there, that close to her. She knew she was in love with him. How could she not be after he had done so much for her?

Tell me something, boy

Aren’t you tired tryin’ to fill that void?

Or do you need more?

Ain’t it hard keeping it so hardcore?

I’m falling

In all the good times I find myself

Longing for change

And in the bad times I fear myself

Later that night, Y/N stared up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. She picked up her phone from the nightstand and looked at the time. 11.30pm. She unlocked her phone and opened her messages, typing one out.

Dean stared up at the ceiling of Y/N’s living room, his hands behind his head. His mind was whirling with thoughts of her and everything that happened that night. How could anyone ever treat her the way they had? He swore to himself that if she ever gave him a chance, he’d spent every day making sure she knew how important she was to him. How much he cared about her. How much he loved her.

His eyes widened as the realization sunk in. He was in love with Y/N. It had hardly been enough time, but he guessed that didn’t matter. Not being able to be with her had only made his heart long for her more, and now here he was. In love with her. He needed to keep that one to myself for a while. The last thing he needed to do was scare her off.

His phone chimed and he picked it up from the coffee table, reading the message that popped up.

Y/N: Are you awake?

Dean smirked as he typed back.

Dean: Yep, just staring at the ceiling

Y/N: Can you come in here?

Dean smirk widened as he threw the blanket off himself and got up from the couch. He walked down the hallway, the wooden floorboards cold against his warm feet. He slowly pushed Y/N’s bedroom door open, smiling when he saw her sitting up against the headboard. She sat up on her knees, a nervous smile playing at her lips as he walked closer to the bed. She pushed the covers aside and held out her hand. He took it in his hand, slipping under the covers. He reached up and turned off the light, settling in next to her. Y/N moved closer, resting her head on his chest, her arm around his waist. Dean smiled as he wrapped his arm around her, bringing her in closer to him.

“Goodnight, Dean” she whispered, her lips pressing against his shirt-covered chest.

He leaned in and kissed her forehead, his lips lingering against her skin. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

Soon, they both drifted off to sleep, dreaming of their future together.

I’m off the deep end, watch as I dive in

I’ll never meet the ground

Crash through the surface, where they can’t hurt us

We’re far from the shallow now

The next morning, Y/N woke up alone, but felt that the empty space next to her was still warm. She smiled slightly as she saw a note on the pillow. She smiled even wider when she read it, her heart soaring.

Mornin’ beautiful,

I didn’t have it in me to wake you up, but there’s some things I had to do this morning. I promise I’ll be back later, and we can hang out.

See ya tonight,

Dean

She couldn’t keep the smile off her face as she walked into the kitchen and started brewing the coffee.

Y/N couldn’t believe how much had changed for her overnight.

She was going to be cautious and make sure to take care of own mental state first, but she suddenly couldn’t wait to see what her future held when it came to Dean.

-x-

Tags: @flamencodiva @deanwanddamons @winchest09 @katehuntington @akshi8278 @hobby27 @michellethetvaddict @spngirl05 @kyjey @halesandy @440mxs-wife @stoneyggirl @deanswaywardgirl @wonder-cole @that-one-gay-girl @redbarn1995 @marianita195 @babypink224221 @deans-baby-momma @parinarain @thoughts-and-funnies @mandalou29 @castiels-a-winchester @ellewritesfix05 @jerkbitchidjitassbutt​ @supraveng​ @roonyxx​ @supernatural-love14​ @vicmc624​ @prettyboyswow​ 

[impala1967dwinchester]

Dean Winchester: Embrace (Request)

*Not my gif*

Paring: Dean X Reader 

Pov: Reader 

Warnings: comfort from dean, hunt gone wrong, reader crying, LOTS OF HUGS, mentions of Sam (Briefly) 

Summary: The reader come back from a hunt gone very wrong, and all she want is to be in Dean’s arms tonight. Once she makes it to the bunker, she falls into dean’s arms, not being able to keep it together anymore. 

Word Count: 2k 

Masterlist 

Tag list: @akshi8278​, @deanswaywardgirl​

This was supposed to be an easy hunt. One and done type of thing, but that ended shortly after I got to the motel. Dean and Sam already out on a hunt, I decide that it wouldn’t hurt anyone if I went out on my own.  

Shooting Dean, a quick message. “Dean, there’s a hunt about an hour away from the bunker. It involves kids, so I’m packed up and leaving in 5. Love Ya.” I sent the message stuffing my phone in my back pocket.  

Buzzing I pulled it out seeing a message from Dean “Ugh, I wish you weren’t going by yourself, but I understand it involves kids. Be safe and text me when you get to the motel. Love Ya sweetheart.” Well, that had gone by much easier than previously thought.  

So, throwing my bag in the passenger seat of on the many cars I drove off to the motel. According to the article children were going missing in the local town. The thought of so many parents being scared and missing their children was eating at me, so I thought I’d at least try to help.  

Quickly I learned that kids were disappearing, most disappeared near an old shut down mental asylum. Something about kids and wanting to search places that clearly had “DO NOT ENTER” signs on them.  

It was still early in the afternoon so I made my way over to the parents of the latest missing child. They wore worried expression on their faces as they say the quick flip of the F.B.I badge.  

In short, they had said that their son had gone out with a few of his friends. Riding bikes and being a destructive teenage boy. For a few moments the image of Dean being that way crossed my mind, internal smiling at the thought.

I had figured that it was probably a ghost based on the rather odd story the parents retold me. Saying that their son had told them about how the light were flickering and, all the sudden it was really cold in the asylum. It’s the middle of summer, so cold spots are definitely more prominent.  

When I made it back to the motel, I made quick work of trying to figure out where the old mental asylum was, grabbing way to cups of coffee, and junk food from the vending machines I worked until at least twelve in the morning.  

I hadn’t ever realized how much the Sam and Dean’s help was. It was nice to have a tech nerd at your disposal, and a heater next to you in bed every night. Once I had fallen asleep at the dirty small kitchen table in the motel, I thought it best to move to the bed and text Dean.  

“Hey baby, I made to the motel a while ago. You know me got caught up in trying to help. Fell asleep trying to research going to sleep now. Good night baby, Love Ya.” I sent before plugging it in to its charger and falling into a deep sleep.  

When I awake the next morning, I looked over to my phone seeing a new message from Dean. “Sleep well sweetheart. We will be home today, keep me in the loop. Can’t wait to see you.” He messaged with a winky face at the end.  

Rolling my eyes, I got out of the crappy, not memory foam bed. Hearing the slightly creaks and cracks of my bones. Thinking that it would probably useless if i grabbed a shower before going on a hunt, so I opted to grab one of deans stolen flannels, my pants, and my boots.  

Once I was officially ready for the day, I went right back into researching. Finally, hours later I had found an old document that just so happened to have to the address of the mental asylum.  

It was a picture of a few nurses, a doctor standing proud in the back, and a gaggle of children in front of the nurses. Around the doctors' neck hung a stethoscope. It read at the bottom of the picture  

‘Doctor Ethan Zingler, Nurse Betty, Nurse Lewis, Nurse Andrea, with the many mentally insane children. Doctor Zingler holding his prized possession his stethoscope.’ “Fuck yes” I screamed. Damn that was dumb luck.  

Quickly grabbing the car keys, I slammed the motel door, making my way over to the car. Again, I shot him another text, “Alright, found the address for this place. Should be an easy fix. Be home soon, Love Ya.” Sending it before starting to pull out of the parking lot.  

When I made it to the mental asylum, the gates lock was broken making it much easier for me. Making my way into the mental asylum it was quiet, giving me an uneasy feeling. A scream grabbing my attention, but when I made it their nothing, nothing was there.  

As I walked around more, trying to find these lost kids. Turning around at one point, I saw a figure of a decomposed older women. Her white nurses outfit torn at her heart, all the sudden instead of staring at me she was full speed running.  

Cutting into one room I lost her, standing there for a minute. Re thinking everything that I looked up, and the parents had told me. It clicked it was ghosts, they were ghouls. This means that everything I had on me wasn’t going to work.  

Hearing the should of many children screaming at once, I ran towards it. I saw the Doctor his stethoscope wrapped around the necks of one of the children, I ran in trying to get a shot in, but before I could I had they two other nurses hold me down, one trying to stick me with a needle. The other had her very decade hand around my neck.  

I watched every single missing child be killed in front of my eyes, once the doctor was done, he turned looking at the two nurses. They let me go and he slow staked over to me, his hand covering my mouth. I reached down in a quick and swift motion grabbing a long machete knife I had attached to the loops of my pants. In two swift movements I sliced the heads of the nurses off. Looking over at the once respected doctor I chopped his head, it landing on the ground.  

Swiping the blade over my thigh, I slipped it back into its case. I walked out of the asylum flipping it the finger. Getting into the car, it was starting to hit me, that I had watched at least 3 kids murdered in front of me. I was here to fix this, to bring them home safely.  

I drove, no music, no running thoughts in my mind. I just drove, when I finally made it back to the motel, I grabbed a quick shower, trying to wipe away the images of them dying, trying not to cry. “Y/n you’re a big girl. You’re a hunter, fuck you’re with a Winchester get it together.”  I said to myself.  

“Hey baby, how is everything? I haven't heard anything in a while. Sam says that I should stop worrying, but you’re my girl. Text me back please.” Dean messaged me.  

Climbing out of the bathroom, I grabbed my phone, my arms barely keeping the towel wrapped around my chest. “Everything is fine. I’m okay honey. I will be home tops 2 hours, Love Ya.” I sent him back.  

If I broke down now, here, I’d never be able to leave. I need to get dress, I need to get home, I need Dean, now. Wrapping another stolen Dean flannel around me, I could just barely smell his leather, and whiskey cologne on his shirt, I pulled up my sweats.  

Grabbing the rest of my stuff, and throw it into the passenger seat. I walked down to the front desk; I gave to women her keys back. Starting the engine to the car this time I turned the radio on, finding a station that reminded me of Dean. “80′s rock coming your way. Now playing ‘AC/DC Back in black” Taking a deep inhale I back out and drove down the street, radio blasting and windows down.  

“Can’t wait to see you sweetheart!” Dean sent a message as I inched closer and closer to the bunker. Finally, I slowed down and drove down the darkly lite drive way that led to the bunkers garage. As I inched closer, I started to break down, I didn’t want to be a disappointment. I didn’t want Dean, or Sam to see me as a failure.  

I could feel the prickle of tears wanting to escape from my eyes, but shook my head and pushed them back in. As I parked the car, I only grabbed my phone, not really in the mood to look or see anything hunting wise.  

Slowly I made my way to the garage door. Stopping as my hand made contact with the cold handle. I reached for a deep breathe, and opened the door. Conversation still going on, I walked past the library hearing both Sam and Dean call my name.

But the idea of facing them, after everything was too much. I heard the scratch of the wooden chair against the floor. I walked into Deans and I shared room, plopping onto the memory foam bed.  

I heard the bedroom door, slowly open “Y/n?” Dean’s voice bounced off the cinder block room. “Y/n? Are you okay?” He said shutting our bedroom door. “Y/n? Are you hurt? If you’re hurt, I can fix you up, but... but you’ve got to tell me.” He said coming closer to me.  

My breathing becoming harder for me to control. Deans hand landing on my hips first. “Y/n please look at me. You’re scaring me.” I couldn’t take it anymore, I moved quickly making Dean lose a bit of balance before his hand wrapped around my mid-section.  

A breath that I didn’t realize I was holding came out, “It’s okay, you can just cry. I’ve got you, sweetheart.” Dean said rubbing circles into my back. “You’ve got me Y/n. You just tell me what happened okay, let me known that us Winchester deal making didn’t rub off on you.” He said a little chuckle at the end.  

“De... Dean I’m so stupid. I let 5 kids die because I di... didn’t know what I was hunting. I watched the gho..uls kill them. De... Dean Please just hold me. Please don’t thi.. think of me any different.” I said, a few hiccups interrupting me from finishing my sentences.  

I felt Dean take a deep inhale, before speaking, “Damn, Y/n why.. You know what you’re so resilient, so brave, you’re no where to being stupid. Me and Sam got the covered for you. It’s okay, I’m so fucking sorry that I wasn’t with you, I’m sorry, but I’m tell you’  

He said pulling me away from his shoulder. Lightly touching my chin, bring my attention to him. Our eye making contact. ‘Y/n I’m telling you that you couldn’t have done anything more then you did. You’re an amazing hunter, an amazing person, you’re prefect Y/n. I don’t to ever hear you say that you’re stupid, or that you think me or Sam will think of you differently because we just won’t. I love you baby” Dean said.  

I reached up to kiss lips, a small, sparked filled kissed. It was as if that kiss was an okay for me. The okay that Dean was being true with me. “Dean, can.. can we just lay together please? I don’t want to let you go just yet” I asked.  

He gave me short smile, and shook his head ‘yes’. “I love you, sweetheart. Get some rest.” He said kissing my temple, “Love Ya too De.”  I said before the tiredness of crying and the beat of Dean’s heart lulled me into a deep and warm sleep.

Completed 02/27/2021 

[fairlyspnfanfic]

The Ties That Bind Us - Part 8

Summary: When your past comes back to haunt you, who will prevail?  Hunting had been your life since your were 4 years old.  The monsters that started you on that path were resurfacing, and you knew what you had to do.  But nothing is ever truly secret, and nothing is ever that cut and dry with the Winchester’s in tow.

A/N: This is a new one that is coming from a few requests.  I’m not going to post the actual requests because…well because it would spoil the story line and I’m pretty into this one.

Words: 2438

Warnings: Trauma, medical terminology, stress, hospital waiting room, all the angst

PART ONE  PART TWO  PART THREE PART FOUR PART FIVE  PART SIX   PART SEVEN

I hesitated to open my eyes, for fear that I’d wake up and it would all have been a dream. My lips felt warm and pleasantly swollen as I reached my hand up slowly to touch them, keeping my eyes shut.  I took a deep breath and lifted my eyelids, coming eye to eye with Dean as he lay next to me staring.  

Sheepishly, I smiled and released a small chuckle with my fingertips still glazing over my bottom lip.  “Well,” I said meekly.  “Not a dream.”  His eyebrows were still knitted together as if he was unsure as to what my reaction would be.  But the corner of his mouth twitched upward as the hint of a smirk began to spread.  

“Kinda was for me,” he said through an exhale of breath as he ran the back of his fingers along my cheek.  I leaned into his touch, relishing in the delightful feel of his skin on mine.  

“How long,” I asked him.  

“How long what?  How long have I wanted to do that?”  He paused, leaving the silence pregnant with anticipation.  He let out a quick breath, looking to the ceiling as he thought. “Six years ago, St. Patrick’s Day. I told you to kiss me cause I’m Irish. You called me an idiot and threw a pillow at my face.” I laughed at his response. “Been hooked ever since.”  

I could feel heat rushing to my cheeks as they blushed and a coy smile wound itself across my face.  

“Or did you mean how long have I known you wanted me to? Cause that’s a very different answer.”  

I ducked my head down, attempting to hide from his view, and buried my nose into the crook of his neck.  “I mean, I’d be happy to answer that one for you, too, sweetheart but I wouldn’t want to embarrass you.”  His words dripped with sarcasm as he pursed his lips and left a trail of kisses from the crown of my head and down the side of my face, slowly pulling my head back up to face him.  

“See, when things weren’t looking all that great for you?  I wasn’t doing so well.  I wasn’t the pillar of strength you’re used to on the day to day.”  His face returned to seriousness now, and my eyes fixated on him.  “I kind of fell apart.  No, that’s not true.  I completely fell apart.  A world without you in it?  That’s not a world I want to be in.”  

I felt tears pooling in my eyes, but I held them at bay.  

“So, my baby brother, he decides he needs to cheer me up.  See, he yanks me up to my feet, slams me up against a wall and tells me to stop being a selfish prick.  Tells me I can help you by just keeping it together, by staying with you.”  Dean’s hand lifted as he pushed my hair gently behind my ear.  “Now I’m lost at this point.  He’s talking crazy and all I want to do is hide from the world.  But the big oaf that Sam is, he wouldn’t allow that.”  He leaned in towards me again, pressing a short, chaste kiss to my lips before tucking his chin over the crown of my head.  

“Instead, he looks me in the eye, tells me I’m a moron, and lets me go.  But not before just blurting out ‘She loves you, you jackass,’ and proceeding to lecture me about how dumb I am.”  The smile on his face is beyond genuine and my entire body feels as though it’s turned to gelatin.  “That true,” he asks me, his eyes back on mine.  The confident smirk on his face is betrayed only by the pleading desperation in his green orbs that are so focused on mine that I dare not even blink.  

Slowly, I nod my head, feeling that same blush rise in my cheeks again.  “Yeah,” I said, my voice cracking as I did so.  

“Thank god,” he breathed out as his lips once again plastered themselves against mine, knocking the air out of me as he slowly wound his arm around my waist.  He leaned into me, rolling me over onto my back as he rested his body on top of mine, his hips jutting against my own.  I could feel his calloused hands wandering; one tangled in my hair as his fingers deftly caressed my ear lobe as his other held our bodies closer together.  

I had wrapped my arms around him, clinging to him with desperation.  Dean pushed against me harder as I felt his excitement growing against my groin.  I broke our lips apart, breathing deeply as I lifted my hand to the back of his head, entwining my fingers in his hair.  He began grinding his hips against me; an act I longed for but subsequently found intolerable.  Shocks of pain tore through my abdomen in waves and I cried out, gasping for air as I ground my teeth together.  

“Fuck,” I grimaced, wincing.  Dean instantly backed away, holding himself almost as if he were doing a pushup.  

“What’s wrong?”  His panicked voice rang out as his eyes examined me.  

I removed one hand from his firm waist and grabbed for my side, desperate to alleviate some of the pain.  

“Son of a bitch,” Dean muttered under his breath, looking down towards my waist.  It seemed instantaneous that I sprang off the bed and frantically searched for the remote control with the nurse call button.  A few seconds passed and the pain had ebbed.  

“Dean, I’m fine, really.”  My attempt to settle him did nothing as I spoke to his back.  He was running towards the doorway now, yelling for help.  

I rolled my eyes, knowing that he was surely overreacting.  Pulling my hand away, I glanced down and took in the sight of dark red blood pooling slowly on the sheet beneath me.  “Well, crap.”  

Dean walked back into the room, a female nurse clad in dark purple scrubs in tow.  He raised his hand and pointed towards my wound, and she immediately got to work.  My gown was quickly pushed to the side as she took a look at the damage that had been done.  

“You’ve popped a staple out.  Haven’t seen that too often!”  Her voice was cheery and calming as she smiled sweetly at me.  

“I’ll get the doctor and we’ll get you patched up again in no time.  Good as new, huh?  How are you feeling in the meantime?  What’s your pain level?”  

“I’m good,” I answered simply.  

“Are you sure, darlin’?  You look a little flushed.”  Her eyes were intent now, taking in every physical cue that she could.  

“That, uh,” Dean began with that devilish half smile of his. “That could be my fault.”  He held up a finger as if claiming victory.  I rolled my eyes in response and watched as the nurse did the same.  

She turned her head to face him and took up the absolutely accurate stance of an angry mother about to berate their petulant child.  “You do know that she’s recently had invasive surgery, yes?”  

I watched as Dean shrank under the nurse’s stare.  He nodded solemnly.  

“And that a team of highly trained surgeons spent several hours fixing her up and putting her back together again with slim odds that she’d even wake up, let alone thrive and begin healing?”  Her question was obviously rhetorical.  Dean held eye contact with her and nodded.

“Yes, ma’am.”  He’d never sounded so young and childlike.  

“So maybe, just maybe, we can pause on the hanky panky funny stuff until after she’s discharged, yeah?”  

I stifled my laughter as Dean nodded again, and the nurse exited the room, patting his shoulder as she walked by; the smile on her face betrayed the entertainment she had felt at Dean’s expense.  

Dean skulked back towards me, lowering himself into the chair beside my bed.  The laughter that I had been withholding came pouring out of me, eliciting more pain as I again held my side.  

“Geez, Y/N, you’re going to open yourself up more.”  Dean placed his hands on my arms, attempting to hold me still.  

“Yeah, well. You started it.”

His eyes went wide with incredulity.  “How do you figure?”  

“You were the one who opened up first!”  My cheesy joke landed flat.  

Dean rolled his eyes, leaning backwards in his chair as he sighed dramatically.  “Good to see you didn’t lose your awful sense of humor.”  

I smiled at him exaggeratedly.  “I’m delightful.”  

He smiled at me again, reaching over and raking his fingertips down my cheek. “Yeah,” he paused. “You are.”  

The doctors had swooped into the room, getting me all stitched back together in a blur of lights, antiseptic, and latex gloves.  The same nurse had accompanied them, insisting on administering more morphine when she did so.  

They moved me into a wheelchair as they waited for my bedsheets to be taken out and laundered.  I was struggling to keep my head up as I leaned my temple against my palm, fighting to hold my eyelids open.  I could feel Dean’s warm hand drawing comforting circles on my back, but my head was swimming.  His soothing voice rang out every few minutes, letting me know that it was okay if I wanted to fall asleep.  Encouraged even. But stubbornly, I refused, shaking my head and insisting on waiting until Sam came back.

It wasn’t too long until Sam peaked his head into my room; his long hair unkept and falling in his face.  

“Hey, Tarzan,” I mumbled, giggling at my own joke.  Both the boys stared at me quizzically as my eyes closed and I leaned further over onto the side, my chuckles growing quieter.  

“Tarzan? I thought it was Thor.”  Sam’s voice drifted in as if he were speaking through static.  

“She’s out of her mind on morphine, Sammy.  Don’t worry.”  I could hear the jest in Dean’s voice as he spoke from just behind me.  

There was a small hint of commotion as an orderly came in with a rolling tray full of food for me.  With my eyes still closed, I took a deep breath, attempting to smell my meal.  But my sense of smell reacted negatively as I breathed in the scent of hard-boiled eggs, squash and fish.  

“Gross,” I protested, grabbing at the wheels of the wheelchair I sat in and attempting to push myself away.  

“No. Don’t want that,” I murmured as I shook my head.  There was a strong hand grasping my shoulders as someone gently whispered in my ear to relax.  “Mom made me lasagna,” I groaned, as large tears overwhelmed my lids and began cascading down my cheeks.  

I felt warm fingers press against my cheeks as Dean’s familiar voice repeated my name softly.  

“Hey, Y/N.  Can you open your eyes for me?”  

I stubbornly shook my head, opting for the darkness my closed eyelids afforded me.  I could feel panic rising in my chest, and my breaths began coming in stuttered waves.  Sam’s voice was screaming into the hallway, demanding a nurse or any sort of help.  But my head was swimming.  I could still smell the garlic and tomatoes as the cheese bubbled on the top of my favorite dish.  I could hear my mother’s voice as she spoke with me. My father’s warm, teddy-bear embrace still ghosted over my arms.  But all I could see was black.  I longed for the comfort their memories had afforded me.  

“Daddy,” I mumbled out as I felt the familiar push of medication run up my arm as forced, restless sleep overtook me.  

I woke hours later.  Days possibly.  The sky outside my window was still dark and the light in the room too dim.  Running my dry hands down my face, I pulled myself slowly to sit up in the bed.  The ache in my side not entirely unnoticed.  Every muscle in my body was sore and resisted moving.  I kicked my legs out gently over the bed, glaring at my thighs as I balanced myself on them with the palms of my hands.  

“Don’t even think about it,” Dean’s voice was stern as he spoke from the chair in the corner of the room.  I watched his arms flex as he walked towards me, squatting effortlessly in front of me as his eyes locked onto mine.  

“Back in bed.”  His words were stern, but his eyes betrayed some sadness that lingered on his face.  

“Dean?”  My voice was groggy and sounded foreign to me.  

“Y/N get your ass back in bed, now.”  He sounded almost defeated; an unfamiliar tone for him.  

I acquiesced and pulled my legs back onto the uncomfortable air mattress, keeping my eyes set on his face.  “What’s wrong,” I asked him. “You seem grumpy.”  He took his seat again in the lounge chair next to me, leaning on his knees with his elbows.

A forced, quick breath leaked through his nostrils, full of incredulity.  “Grumpy, huh?”  He paused.  “Can’t imagine why.”  His eyes fell to his hands, focusing on the thin piece of fabric that he was fiddling with.  He flicked his gaze up to me, following my gaze back down to his hands.  

“It’s part of your shirt,” he explained.  “Or, well, was.”  He paused again. “It tore off in your back there,” he gestured towards my side.  “Had to dig it out on the way here.”  

I took a deep breath, attempting to steady my surprise.  “I’m sorry, Dean.”  

He pursed his eyebrows and looked up towards me slowly.  “For what?  Getting stabbed?  Not your fault.”  

I reached towards him, surprised when I watched him pull away and lean back into his seat.  “See, getting stabbed? Hurt?  Happens to all of us.  But you,” he said, holding the fabric up towards me. “You were reckless.  You ditched me and Sam and did your damnedest to be in more danger than you needed to be.”  His eyes shot up towards mine again, that same pained sadness shooting out of his eyes as he let silence stretch between us.  

“And here, in this hospital.  Some of the things you’re saying, been saying.  They’ve got me wondering.”  

I let his statement stand, wanting desperately to not discuss the topic at hand. “See, I’m wondering if there’s not something you’re hiding.  Something you didn’t or aren’t telling me. And that?  That won’t work.  That’s something else.”  He dropped his head, clenching his hand into a fist as he held onto the scrap of clothing.  “So, talk.”  

To be continued….

Part Nine

Taglist (Tag requests are open):

@vicmc624 @waywardprincesa @heyyy-hey-babyyy  @carissime72  @deans-baby-momma  @formulafun  @woodworthti666  @yetanotherreader  @crashlyrose  @hobby27  @gabby913  @jxackles  @polina-93 @supernaturaladdictsblog  @fandomoverdose666  @deans-baby-momma  @deanwanddamons  @tazzi-baby  @acertainhero  @lilulo-12 @slamminmine  @mimaria420

(Desperate attempt to get my faves to notice me) @thinkinghardhardlythinking @smol-and-grumpy @wonder-cole-reads @watermelonlipstick @that-one-gay-girl @waywardbaby @luci-in-trenchcoats @holylulusworld @cockslut-padalecki @calaofnoldor​

[winterscaptain]

faith.

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader

a/n: we start to heal, kids! if there’s interest, i’ll write up the outtakes (wink wink) from this and post it sometime soon. your feedback keeps me going - please tell me what you think! also, if you haven’t already check out the inspo blog for ajf! (here’s the nsfw one, too - but it's definitely 18+ only!)

reality check (part one) | unimaginable (part two)

words: 3.5k warnings: implied sex, language, miscarriage/pregnancy mention

summary: healing is bittersweet.

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | requests closed!

“Everything looks fine down here. Since it’s been about four days, your preliminary recovery is finished. The key now is to let your body rest and reset.” Brienne removes her gloves and tosses them in the trash. “You can try again in six weeks, if you want, but no penetrative sex for two full weeks.” She washes her hands and points at you, then Aaron, with wet hands. “I mean it.” 

You share a look with Aaron while Brienne turns around for paper towels. His lips quirk into a wry, almost sheepish, smile.

Turning back to her, you ask, “Is there anything I should look out for or do differently or anything?”

Please tell me there’s something I can control. 

She shakes her head. “You’re doing everything perfectly. Keep an eye out for any heavy bleeding or anything that doesn't feel quite right in the next couple of weeks.” A warm hand lands on your shoulder and another reaches across you for Aaron, who stands and meets her in the middle, capturing her fingers in his palm. “I have faith in you both. I know this one was a little unexpected on all fronts, but if you want to do this for real, I will make sure I’m doing everything in my power to give you all the support and resources I can.” 

Aaron’s brown eyes are soft and grateful under his knit brow. “Thank you, Doctor. I appreciate it.” 

She snorts and squeezes his hand before letting him go. “Oh, Aaron. I have a feeling you and I will know each other for a long time - Brienne is just fine.”

+++

Aaron slides into bed beside you and wraps you up in his arms. “Hey.” 

“Hi.” You lace your fingers between his where his hand rests across your abdomen. “How’re you doin’?”

“I should ask you the same thing.” 

You turn in his arms, and he gathers you to his chest while you throw one leg over his hip and wiggle the other between his thighs. You just want to be as close as possible to soothe the ache in your chest - it’s working. “I’m okay. My bits have stopped screaming at me, so that’s an improvement.” For now, you ignore the fact that he’s avoided your question. Sometimes it's easier to let Aaron think he’s won - for a while, at least. 

“Indeed, it is,” he says through a laugh. “I more so meant the other thing.” 

“What, like my emotional state?”

He shrugs around you. “Yeah, I guess.” 

“I feel like there should be...something to look forward to. There’s still a part of me that’s really excited, but there’s nothing to be excited about.” You shake your head, burrowing further into his chest. “It’s hard to explain.” 

His hand rubs up and down your spine, firm and slow. “Makes perfect sense. I think I’m right there with you.” 

It’s quiet for a moment. 

“I’m so sorry, Aaron.” 

You can feel him shake his head and he scoots impossibly closer to you. There can’t be a single inch of skin he isn't touching, or at least that’s what it feels like. “There’s nothing you need to apologize for. Nothing to be sorry for. Sometimes, things just happen.” 

Your eyes close, exhausted, and you push back the thoughts that have been swirling around in your head for the last three days. 

Yeah, sometimes things just happen. Getting stabbed nine times in your home by a career serial killer? Just happens. Your wife getting murdered by that same serial killer, perhaps? Yeah, that just happens. Or maybe your best friend ‘dying’ and then coming back to life? Sure. 

Maybe a couple massive losses in a couple horrible years just aren’t enough. 

What’s next? 

I’ll take ‘Losing a Kid for 1600, Alex.’

“Hey.” He taps the middle of your back with his hand to get your attention. “I can hear you thinking.” 

You grumble, “Sorry,” and turn over, your back pressed firmly to his chest. 

“We’re okay, sweetheart. We’re fine. Jack is healthy, you’re healthy, I’m healthy. We’re getting married.” You snort, and he laughs. “Alright. We’re getting married...eventually.” That gets a giggle out of you, and he continues. “We’re looking for a house we can actually afford because of our fulfilling and important jobs. We have one fantastic son already.” He kisses your shoulder. “We’re in good shape.”

Well, when he puts it that way…

He pulls you close, nuzzling into your neck and running fingers up your ticklish sides. You squirm and a little peal of laughter leaves you. “I’ve got you on all of those, don’t I?”

You roll your eyes, and you know he saw it in the mirrored closet doors on the wall across from you. “If you think I’m going to argue with the youngest AUSA in District history, you’re nuts.” 

A satisfied hum leaves him, and he slips his hand under your shirt, tracing over your skin. “That’s probably a good idea.” Kisses find their way across your shoulders as his hands hike your shirt farther up your body. 

“Aaron,” you whine. “Brienne said no sex.” 

You watch him deliberate in the mirror, making play at deep thought. “...No. She said no penetrative sex, if my memory serves.” His hands wander down to the edge of your underwear and you squirm against him despite yourself. He drops his lips to the sensitive skin behind your ear, making you shiver when he whispers, “And my memory always serves.”

“Damn you.” 

He grins and ducks under the covers, throwing your leg over his shoulder as he settles between your thighs.

+++

The following Monday is your first day back at work, and it’s more than a little difficult to be normal. Aaron had only taken the day after to make sure he was available to drive you to and from Brienne’s office for your procedure, but you’d taken the rest of the week. You’re not sure what Aaron told them - maybe a flu or a stomach bug or maybe you “just needed some personal time” - but you imagined everyone would ask you about it anyways. 

Aaron presses a kiss to your cheek before the elevator opens. You make sure you’re watching when he falls into Hotch Mode as the doors part before you. It’s difficult to hold back your fond smile, but you manage. 

You set your things down at your desk, noting the small purple orchid and note sitting by your desktop. JJ turns in her chair to face you. “Hey! How was your visit with Dean?” 

Oh. That works. Good one, Aaron.

Dean had moved to New York to start with a new brokerage house at the beginning of last summer, and you’d been meaning to get up there to see him. It’s a highly plausible lie. It also helps that Aaron could sell water to a fish. 

Well, he is a lawyer. 

“It was great. Nice to take some time, you know?” You smile at her and you’re sure it doesn’t look quite right when her eyes narrow just a touch. Settling at your desk, you pick up the note addressed to you and open it. 

A flower for my flower :) I know. I’m gross. Sue me. 

(Or don’t...I’ll use my J.D. if you do.)

I love you. - AH

p.s. Don’t worry - I’ll water it when you're away. 

“Conference room in five minutes - Garcia’s got something for us.” Emily strides past you all on the bridge and you grab your tablet. 

Derek offers you a hand and you take it, tucking yourself under his arm as you walk. “What’s the orchid for?”

You shrug, covering how touched you really are by the gesture. “I dunno. I guess we just have a very thoughtful section chief.” 

+++

Inspired by Aaron’s cover story, you give Dean a call when you make it back to the hotel that night after an exhausting day scouting crime scenes that have every indication of a serial killer running rampant through the tiny Maine township.

“Hey babes! How are ya?” His chirp comes singing through the phone, and you find yourself smiling. 

“I’m alright.” 

You can almost hear his eyebrows raise. “Nope. Bullshit. What’s wrong with you?”

“Well, if anyone asks, I just got home from visiting with you for the week.” You start to unpack your go bag, hanging up a couple of your nicer work sets and setting up the bathroom the way you like it. 

“What’s Aaron lying about this time?” 

You laugh, but it tapers off quickly. “Well, as it happens, we had a really shit week last week and I had to take some time off.” 

He’s far more solemn when he speaks again, “That sounds like a little more than a ‘I got a flat tire on my way to work and my coffee was cold’ kind of shit week if you actually took time off.” He pauses. “Oh please don’t tell me you broke off the engagement.” 

“Not at all, not at all. Aaron and I are fine, but…” Going back and forth for a moment, you ultimately decide to tell him. Maybe it will get easier if you say it out loud. “I, um. I miscarried last week.” You’re proud of yourself for spitting it out with only a little stumbling, and Dean’s immediate concern brings tears to your eyes. 

“Oh God, honey. I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about it at all?”

“I mean -” you take a deep breath. “No? I don’t know. I feel really shitty about it and we talked to Aaron’s mom and I know it isn’t my fault, but -” You huff, getting a little frustrated. “It was a girl, Dean. Aaron was so excited.” 

Something creaks in the background, and you know he’s just settled into the ancient armchair in the corner of his studio. “Don’t forget babe, you were excited, too. This isn’t just disappointing for Aaron, as much as you’d like to make everything about him.” 

You chew on the inside of your cheek. He’s right. “I know, but -”

“No! No buts. This is a loss for both of you, and it's huge. Like, I dunno why people don’t talk about it more. Your kid is your kid is your kid if you wanted them and they didn’t make it. It doesn’t matter if you met her or not - you knew her and she was yours.” 

So, maybe the tears weren’t finished. Dean stops talking for a minute, and you know he can hear you sniffling. 

“Are you going to try again?”

And isn’t that the question of the hour?

“Well, we didn’t really try for this one, but I think we’ve caught the bug. I was planning on talking to Aaron about it a little more when I get home -”

“What’s the case?”

“Maine, probably a serial killer,” you answer promptly, getting right back on track. You’re used to Dean’s quick interruptions. Context is important to him and you’re always happy to provide it. “I don’t think we’re going to try, per se, but I don’t think we’ll be too concerned about being careful either. That way it’s a pleasant surprise instead of something stressful or disappointing, you know?”

“Ah,” he says. “A ‘fuck it and forget it’ approach. I dig it. And we all know Aaron can ‘fuck it’ with the best of them - you’ll have to tell me how the ‘forgetting it’ part goes.”

You laugh despite yourself, wiping at your cheeks. “How do you always manage to make me laugh?”

His laugh sounds from the other side of the phone, and it warms you from your fingers to your toes. You can almost forget its nearly five below zero outside. “What can I say? Laughter is the virtue of the gays.”

Your phone beeps at you, and it’s Aaron. “Hey Beanie, I gotta let you go. Aaron’s beeping in on me.” 

“Go get your tub’a humbus, babe. I’ll talk to you later.”

You switch calls, and raise the phone back to your ear. “Hey, love. What’s goin’ on?”

“I just missed you.” You can hear the sink in the background and you check the clock. 

Ah yes, dishes before bed because someone can’t sleep if there are dishes in the sink. 

“Hi!” Jack shouts from across the kitchen, and it makes you smile. “I miss you!”

“I miss you too, my loves! Though, Aaron, I must say -” you stop yourself. “Am I on speaker?” 

There’s a shuffle, and his voice sounds a lot closer when he replies. “Not anymore.” You know he’s smiling. 

You laugh. “I was going to say, it’s a lot easier to abide by our no-contact order when I’m five states away.”

“Don’t remind me.” You can’t see him, but he sounds at least a little pained. “We’ll be almost done with that by the time you get home, which is nice.” 

“Very nice, indeed.” Settling into bed, you pull the covers up to your chin. “I wish you were here with me.” 

You can hear him walk through the house, getting some distance from Jack. “Yeah?”

“Mhmm. As nice as your new digs are, Chief Hotchner, sleeping without you when I’m on cases is really rough.” A light laugh leaves you. “I still haven’t gotten used to it.” 

He hums. “Well, I’ll make it worth your while when you get home, how’s that?”

“I’ll hold you to it,” you say with a smile. “Goodnight. I love you.” 

“Get some rest. I love you more.” 

+++

Your first hunch was right - serial killer with a preference for blonde women in their forties. Luckily, those factors alone made for a nice, neat, narrow profile, and you were down to a small pool of suspects within days. 

It’s safe to say your heart isn’t in it. You’re almost relieved when JJ calls you out on the way to the medical examiner’s office.

“What’s going on with you and Aaron?” Her bright blue eyes stay on the road as she speaks, but you know she’s completely tuned into you. “You guys seem...off.” 

“We’re fine - the two of us, I mean.” You’re not sure how much to want to tell her. She isn’t Dean. You have to work with her every day, and as much as she’s your friend, it’s hard to talk about this when she already has a son of her own and another on the way. “There’s just, um, some stuff going on at home.”

She reaches across the console and takes your hand. “Whatever it is,” and she sounds like she knows. “You’re not alone.” 

You look over at her and squeeze her hand. There’s something mournful and heartbreaking about the set of her mouth, and something cold and sympathetic washes over you. “Really?”

She nods. “Ours was a girl.” Her confession is quiet and her eyes never once flicker from the road. 

Your voice is just as quiet, almost a secret. “Ours, too.” 

+++

Aaron’s waiting for you in the bullpen when you land in the afternoon two days later. Without shame, you sail through the glass doors and into his arms. It’s a treat - you never feel like you’re truly home until he’s holding you, and you usually have to wait until you get home. 

Derek teases you both on his way back to his desk, and you flip him off. Everyone’s in high spirits and you’re surprised their good moods have rubbed off on you, as well. 

Emily releases you all early with the promise you’ll have your after action reports into her by tomorrow afternoon. On the way home, you tell Aaron about your conversation with JJ, and he’s so moved by it, you’re almost brought to tears again. 

+++

The next morning, Aaron leaves early for a meeting at headquarters in DC. He kisses you goodbye, and in your half-asleep state you grab his tie and make an attempt to keep him right where he is. 

It doesn’t work, but you’re rewarded with a couple extra seconds of adoration, even with your morning breath. He chuckles against your mouth. 

“I gotta go, baby.” 

You whine incoherently at him, but he dodges your reaching hands and  whispers close to your ear as he brings the covers up over your shoulder. “You have another hour before you need to be up. Sleep. I love you.” Another kiss presses into your temple, and you hear the bedroom door close softly behind him. 

When another hour lapses (during which you dozed, quite thankful he told you to get some more sleep), you rise and get ready to head into the office. Jack’s up and getting dressed in his room while you get started in the kitchen. 

But, of course, there’s no need. Aaron has a breakfast spread ready and covered on the counter, with coffee just finished in the percolator. 

A god among men…

You pull your favorites from the pile, and set aside a few things for Jack. This cut your prep time in half at least, so you’ll have a little more time to eat and get settled before you have to be out the door. 

Assembling breakfast is easy, and you and Jack share space in relative silence. He looks up at you over his eggs and grins. Oh, how you love that boy. 

+++

When you get into the office, JJ’s reading a note, a little white envelope tucked behind it. You’re the first two in the office - a shocker, considering the two children between you, both under the age of ten. 

“What have you got there?”

She looks up and you can tell her eyes are a little misty. “Just a really sweet note someone left on my desk.” Waving it in the air, she asks, “Want to read it?”

You smile, setting your things down. “Only if you want me to.” 

She hands it over, and you take it, immediately recognizing Aaron’s handwriting. 

JJ- 

I wish we didn’t know the same loss, but I’m selfishly glad it’s you. Thank you for taking care of us so well. 

As always, anything for you. Just say the word. 

  AH

 “You know,” JJ says as you hand the note back to her. “He wasn’t like this before you.” 

You snort. “Don’t I know it.” 

“No, I’m serious. Even before you guys got together, you made him better. This -” she holds the note up and flicks it, “never would have happened eight years ago.” 

+++

By the time the next case is solved and everyone comes home, Brienne’s orders have expired. Jack is long asleep and you find Aaron in his office. His head is propped up on his hand, elbow on his desk, as he reads over some esoteric legal decision he’s decided to research as a hobby. 

Like he’s not busy enough. 

In fairness, he did defend his newest activity over dinner a few weeks ago. 

“What else am I supposed to do after Jack’s asleep and you’re out on a case? Watch TV? Go to bed early? No, I’m going to review legal decisions and take notes so I don’t bore you to death when you get home.”

“Aaron, you could never bore me to death.” 

“I wouldn’t take that bet.” 

He looks over his reading glasses, and his eyes light up. “Welcome home.” 

You offer him a warm smile as you cross his office and round his desk. “Hi.” 

Aaron drops his pen and pulls you close by your hips, and you lean on the side of his chair. “How was the case?”

“I would hate to spoil Emily’s report that will inevitably be about three hours late getting to your desk on Tuesday.” 

He raises his eyebrows. “I see.” His hand drops down to the outside of your thigh, and you swing a leg over his chair to straddle him, getting situated on his lap. “You know, I still have work to do.” 

“What? Is this Supreme Court decision more interesting than me?”

He shrugs, leaning forward again and picking up his file. His chin hooks over your shoulder, and you settle against his chest as he continues to read. With a sigh, he says, “You’re wearing an awful lot of clothes for someone who wants something specific.” 

You huff. “Oh, c’mon. It’s not like I’m getting any in here.” 

“You don’t know that.” His voice is even, almost distracted, but when you shift over him you can tell he’s affected. “Something might surprise you.” 

“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

He takes another breath and, just like he’s done so many times before, says, “Sweetheart, I’m not suggesting anything.” 

+++

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @agenthotchner @wandaswitxh @hurricanejjareau @fics-ilike @ange-must-die @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @shrimpyblog @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @good-heavens-chris-evans @angelsbabey @gublergirls @writefasttalkevenfaster @venusbarnes @hotchsflower @micaiahmoonheart @ogmilkis @marvels-agents100 @hotchslatte @risenfox @mrs-dr-reid @captain-christopher-pike @joemazzello-imagines @pinkdiamond1016 @pan-pride-12 @hotchlinebling @lee-rin-ah @sunshine-em @word-scribbless @jdougl-love @sageellsworth05 @nohalohoseok @giveusbackourbucky @bauslut @dreila03 @forgottenword @aaronhotchnerr @ssa-morgan @hotchnersgoddess @buckybau @phoenixfyre374 @sana-li @tegggeeee @abschaffer2 @ssacandice-ray @dontkissthewriter @ellyhotchner @a-dorky-book-keeper @lotties-journey-abroad @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 @laneygthememequeen @ahopelessromantic @violentvulgarvolatile @andreasworlsboring101 @mooneylupinblack @ssareidbby @violet-amxthyst @zizzlekwum @lcvischmitt @emmasjulixn @qvid-pro-qvo @mandylove1000 @simsiddy @slickdickwitchbitch @jeor @synonymforlame @roses-and-grasses @bwbatta @capricorngf  @missdowntonabbey @averyhotchner @garcia-reid-lovechild @cevanswhre @colbyskoalas @joanofarkansass @infinity1321 @katiejuliana @popped-weasels @evee87 @nuvoleincielo @spencerelds

[khaleesiofalicante]

I really said fuck classes who needs notes anyway (i do I have 5 tests in the next two weeks)

before I post my live blog here, I feel like people really underestimate how bad rumors are and how much they fuck with your mental health. they don't lose sleep over them, they don't think twice. but these things are harmful as fuck. they leave wounds that take so long to recover from because you keep on thinking about these lies who to others are "just words"

I've been there. it's not fun. I wish I had the courage back then to stand up to those rumors which I have now. these things never leave you. others might move on but the healing process is a journey that is long and hard. I wish more people understood just what effect their words can have.

Yeah, he knew a thing or two about family members going overboard with glitter.

IT'S RAFAEL CENTRIC GHSYGUJDUYDFUIKFDUIDFIUDF

TAVVY

TAVVY

TAVVY

DCSUIHDCSUIDUYUDICUIVSDUIHFVSUILFBUHKIFSV

I feel like I keyboard smash A LOT

“You will never drink even if you are not riding the bike,” Dad had pointed out – all Consul Voice and threatening glares. “The legal age for drinking in New York is 21.”

“But it’s 15 in Idris!”

“Well unfortunately for you, we are in Exile,” dad had grinned.

DAD ALEC UHIKSFDUIHKSGUIKSDVUIHKDVUHIKSVD

Max had a habit of ‘borrowing’ things and selling them on eBay. In his brother’s defense, Bapak had so many clothes that he never noticed when things disappeared. But Rafael did since he had a habit of wearing his father’s clothes.

The warlock – not the shadowhunter.

He wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those sweaters.

Now that Rafael was 18, he was almost as tall as his father.

The shadowhunter – not the warlock.

I AM SCREAMING

I love how he's clarifying which one he's talking about

“Do you know I used to have a crush on Lily Chen?” Tavvy blushed. “But then I found out she made out with Helen once and it kinda got weird.”

Ah yes. I remember. Does Rafael know that Alec also walked in on them?

ARCHITECT TAVVY

SDHDVUHDFSV,YDSFVUYVSFFUSVFUVFS

SHADOWUNTERS ATTENDING MUNDANE COLLEGES

“Dude, college kids don’t give a shit,” Tavvy laughed. “You could walk into a lecture covered in runes, holding a seraph blade and they wouldn’t give you a second look.”

“Cause they are chill?”

“Yes. But mostly cause they are dead inside,” Tavvy chuckled.

Surprisingly that's exactly what my grade 6 prefect told me (DAMN WHY AM I ALWAYS REMEMBERING GRADE 6 IT'S BEEN YEARS. that was a horrible year *shudders*)

ANJALI IS A CENTURION

LMAO THIS IS WHAT RAFAEL MEANT WHEN HE SAID HE WOULDNT WANT TO GO TO THE SCHOLOMANCE FOR PERSONAL REASONS

I still ship them.

“The meeting is going to go perfe-What is SHE doing here?”

Well, that was a quick change-

Unlike Aunt Maia, Lily did not like to be called Aunt Lily. So, Rafael respected her wishes. Max of course continued to call her Aunt Lily and sometimes Abeula Lily since his brother had a pathological condition of pissing people off.

THAT'S SO MAX OMG JHSXUHSCUHISDHUHUKIDVS

great now I miss Raphael

I HAVE A CLASS IN 7 MINUTES STOP MAKING ME CRY

that is so thoughtful of him though...

tears.

“There are no photos of Raphael,” Lily sighed.

“Because he is a vampire?” Tavvy asked sympathetically.

“Because he is Raphael,” she grinned. “Vampires can most certainly take photos. You should follow me on Instagram. My handle is simp_for_carstairs.”

Of course, it is. No one is surprised.

Tavvy picked one up, took a large bite and it threw it back immediately. “Holy shit, that’s spicy!”

“White,” Lily and Anjali snorted at the same time.

white people and their bland foods smh

“She is not wrong,” Lily nodded seriously. “I’m a Jem Carstairs fan first and a vampire second.”

As she should be

UHDSUHDFSUHFDH ANJALI AND RAFAEL COMPETING ABOUT WHO'S LILY'S FAVORITE

He observed Anjali’s long dark hair spilled over her shoulders as her eyes stayed on Lily – sharp, protective and beautiful.

"Beautiful"

I AM NOT LETTING THIS GO

I'm THE DAMN CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP

FUCKING RUMORS

I'm GONNA KILL SOMEONE

“Shadowhunters are awful gossips,” Anjali said. “Let’s not waste our time with this nonsense.”

There was something in her voice. Something he couldn’t put his finger on.

No, wait I want to know what was in her voice.

But no. It couldn’t be. They weren’t dating.

YET

Rafael was sure there was something more than friendship between them. But David was polite to a fault and Max was an oblivious little shit. So, obviously nothing had happened yet.

OH MY GOD THESE TWO

But this was different. He would tolerate rumours about himself. But he would not tolerate rumours about his family.

I and Rafael will beat up the people who spread these rumors together :D

“She once told me she likes sipping tea more than drinking blood.

I-

same.

NOT THAT I DRINK BLOOD-

RAFAEL LMAO NO

"I hate her she's so annoying"

continues to daydream about her and how tall she'd be without those boots, lies to tavvy about her dating someone

Why did he do that? What was the purpose? Did he not want other people to date just because he wasn’t dating anyone?

And he calls Max oblivious.

oh class started

shit

IDC IDC I'LL STILL BE READING

LEXI AND SELENA ARE AT THE ACADEMY

JACE HYPER FIXATING ON THINGS BECAUSE HE'S BORED IS SUCH A MOOD

“David and I added rosemary to this one,” Uncle Jace wiped his hands on his apron. “It has definitely improved the taste, hasn’t it?”

“Save me,” David mouthed from behind the man.

LMAO POOR DAVID

“Empty nest syndrome,” Rafael chuckled. “I’m glad neither Max nor I had to leave home. My fathers are much worse.”

He remembered his first sleepover at the institute. His parents had waited for “an excruciating hour” before crashing the institute and joining the sleepover themselves.

yup, that's them.

“David,” Rafael grinned. “Are you afraid of my father?”

“What? No! He is the just a regular person…who can throw me in the silent city any time he wants,” David rambled and then shook his head. “Where is Max?”

He tried to sound nonchalant. But Rafael noted the way the other boy’s eyes fluttered every time he said Max’s name.

Just the way a crooked smile appeared on his brother’s lips every time someone said David’s name.

Idiots

ok, there is so much to unpack here.

DAVID HAS A VALID REASON OK??

These two are such IDIOTS HUSDUHISCUIDSVCUIHVSDUHI

“Max said Bapak is biased, and that he needs an unbiased tutor. Uncle Ragnor volunteered,” Rafael chuckled. “God bless the poor man.”

“Max isn’t that bad,” David replied.

“Looks like you’re biased too, David,” Rafael winked and picked up a spare bow from the training room.

of course, he is.

G-FORCE KJHSDCUISDYUKDFSUYKDSVYUSFD

oh shit

oh shit

WHO DID WHAT THIS TIME

what's the rumor and who do I need to kill

He didn’t know her well. But she knew a lot about him. Just as she knew a lot about the twins. She was one of those people who was oddly invested in his life just because Rafael happened to the Consul’s son.

what is her problem?

what the fuck

I need a minute

I need a minute to digest that

I'm so glad I closed my camera in class

what the actual fuck did she just say

tell me I'm hallucinating

times like these I wish I was Jared 19

no, because I'm actually speechless right now

Paige and Irene need therapy

OH SHE WENT THERE

“Paige, that’s enough!” the Dean snapped at her. “How dare you talk to him that way? You talk about warlock corruption but where all of you when Valentine exploited Jace and Clary? Where was this moral obligation when Valentine lied to his children and played with their feelings as if they were nothing but toys to be controlled and manipulated? I’m sick of shadowhunters victim blaming children instead of holding people like Valentine accountable.”

THANK YOU

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK SIMON

I feel like we all focus so much on the "incest" and hate on clace we forget that this part of the story was literally an abuser seeing that the victim was recovering and took the only thing which made him happy from him

I can't believe this

“Children have been suffering for a long time now, Paige,” Uncle Jace said now, his fists balled at his sides. “Where were you when Alec proposed the child protection bill? We didn’t see any of you supporting it.”

“We had other priorities,” the older woman replied. “People were dying! It was not the right time for a new law. We could have always signed that bill later. There was no rush!”

OTHER PRIORITIES MY ASS BITCH FUCK YOU

hey just realizing Rafael is the token straight

I'M SORRY IM TRYING TO DISTRACT ME

“The Cohort who made children kill themselves to prove a point?” Uncle Simon asked dryly. “That Cohort?”

I am so close to either crying or killing someone or both.

This was Max’s spot since it had the best Wi-Fi coverage.

yeah trust me I spend all the time in the guest room because it has the best wifi coverage or the study.

MAX IS SMOKING TOO

YOU FUCKING IDIOTS

oh wait

oh they might be alec's

yeah

For the next thirty minutes, Max paced around the room, threatening to portal all the shadowhunters to hell.

Then he went on about a plan to attack the cohort and portal them all to hell too.

He kept talking about portalling people to hell.

MAX YES LET'S DO IT!!!!

But here is the thing about people, they don’t get to you. You get to them.

They simply say something and leave. They probably don’t even mean the things they say or lose sleep over it. But it wasn’t the same for you. You obsess over it. You stay awake at night and let it consume your dreams.

YES! To others, it's just words. meaningless. to you, the effect can be so so deep. it's not easy to always brush them off.

NO MAGNUS

THAT'S IT

MAX AND I ARE PORTALLING PEOPLE TO HELL

WE'RE DOING IT

why do we hurt others?

my teacher: ill take a test on this chapter. all 20 units

me: softly crying because people are little shits and they hurt others.

“Fuck everyone else,” dad hissed. “They’ve hurt our family enough.”

EXACTLY. LEAVE THEM ALONE.

“I am simply being honest with you,” Dad interrupted. “I could never be okay when you are away from me. But I will manage. Max is going to raise hell though. So, that’s going to be fun.”

AS HE SHOULD

Neither Rafael nor Max would never admit it out loud, but on the day of that sleepover, on the day their parents had crashed the institute bcause they had missed the kids too much…Rafael and Max had been only a moment away from calling their parents to come pick them up.

He's right though.

it'll take time. lots of it maybe.

BUT THE ACTUAL AUDACITY.

It fucked with his mind so much.

Rafael...ALRIGHT WHERE ARE MY FLAMETHROWERS

“DAD! BAPA! WAKE UP! RAFE IS TRYING TO RUN AWAY!”

MAX REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF MY LITTLE BROTHER

He had forgotten about the bloody paperwork. Shadowhunters on their travel year had to notify the Clave and get their paperwork in order.

Well, it shouldn’t be a problem since the Clave was standing across the hall.

EXACTLY

Because it was killing him. It was killing him not to be lying on the couch, his head resting on his Bapak’s lap just like every other Saturday morning.

It was killing him not to touch, not to love, not to care.

GET MY FLAMETHROWERS AND CANNIBAL GOLDFISHES WE HAVE SOME WORK TO DO

(goddamn every class I have taken so far the teacher has told us there is a test coming up it's 9 am in the morning.)

His brother growled at that like the little feral animal that he was.

that's adorable actually.

“Fine,” Max rolled his eyes. “Does this mean I can also travel? There is a Twenty One Pilots concert in Sydney and-”

“Nice try,” Dad said. “But no. You are staying here.”

“Excuse me, but what about my healing?” Max demanded. “I’ve been traumatised by this thing.”

“You can go to therapy,” Rafael winked at this brother.

Therapy is boring but useful so-

He needed to survive this. So, he decided to go back to the place he had learned how to survive in the first place.

He needed to go back home.

UGLY CRYING WHILE TAYLOR SWIFT PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND AND MY HISTORY CLASS IN 2 MINUTES

I'm so proud of him for this...

I still say we kill these people.

JOAQUIN AND JULIETTE

UHISDCUIHFSDUGUIDFVDSDVFJHGDFVHUKDVHUKVF

Camilla Alvarez.

well well.

OH THEY KISSED

“Right,” Rafael had said. “Gap year. Besides, I do talk them. My brother threatened to paint my room in hot pink if I don’t text him every day.”

hands max a pint of paint HAVE AT IT

Max: Also – New Rumour. Dalliance between Lily and Tavvy.

Rafe: OMFG WHAT

Max: They are running with it and freaking old n*philim out.

AS THEY SHOULD UFUHIFUIHFUIHKFU

THE CENSORED N*PHILIM I'M SCREAMING

“He is hot.”

He laughed out loud. “Yeah. I hear that a lot.”

“Your dad looks kinda scary,” she pointed out.

Rafael laughed again. “Yeah. I kinda hear that a lot too.”

I'm liking this ship...

I'M STILL LOYAL TO THE RAFAEL AND ANJALI SHIP

but I'm happy for him. I'm glad he's getting the space he needs

Dad: Jst found legal age fr drnkng in Buenos Aires is 18.

Rafe: ????

Dad: I hv friends thr.

Rafe: ???

Dad: Thy r watchn u.

Rafe: Creepy but okay.

HJSDCGUIHJGSDCYUICVXUHVUHKDV

THE BOY'S DRINKING Y'ALL

Do it

MILA IS GOING TO NY!!

I like her. she's nice.

He was leaving soon. He didn’t see the point in lying to her. “I ran away from home. Kind of.”

“Why?”

“I hurt someone I love,” Rafael confessed. “The person I love most in the world.”

honey, it wasn't your fault... hugs

Shit. Why wasn’t Bapak going to the accords signing? He had been there for every single one since the very first time.

no no no no is something wrong?? I'm worried.

“You look taller,” Rafael told his brother who hadn’t grown an inch.

LMAO

Max and I are vertically challenged.

“Rafe, go to talk to him. Or I will tell everyone you’ve been smoking in the balcony!”

So, he was going to pin this on him, huh? This little shit.

well-

“You’ve progressed from freaking to fucking,” he pointed out.

“That’s not the fucking point, Rafael!” Max said in exasperation.

“You did it again,” Rafe pinched Max’s cheek. “My little brother is all grown up now. Linguistically I mean.”

“Dick."

I CAN'T WITH THESE TWO

When he had gone back to Buenos Aires, the place was completely different - even the shadow market.

There were no abandoned children in the streets. There were no racist and ignorant leaders exploiting innocent downworlders.

There was only growth.

His father had done that. Alec Lightwood had helped Joaquin and his people create a new world in Buenos Aires.

This shows how much people can flourish under good leadership if they really try.

YOU KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING THESE NOTES DOWN, NOT CRYING OVER THIS.

“I will protect our family. I will protect our friends. I will protect those who ask for my protection. But I will not tolerate their hate. I will not turn my head and pretend it doesn’t hurt. Because it does hurt and that’s not okay.”

Rafael smiled at that. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s not okay.”

“The accords is important. But so am I. There is no point in signing a treaty that is meant to value equality if I have to sign it while being surrounded by those who refuse to respect me or my identity. I simply cannot do it, Rafael. I hope you understand.”

I'm sobbing like YES YOU DONT OWE THEM SHIT. THESE UNGRATEFUL BITCHES.

“It’s taken me a while to realize this. But I don’t owe the nephilim anything,” Bapak said firmly. “It’s about time they realize that too.”

YES EXACTLY

“I’ve known shadowhunters for a long time, Rafael. Good ones. Bad ones. All kinds of them – and shadowhunters have always defined themselves by their love. Not by your weapons. Not by your runes. Not by your last names. Not by your laws. Shadowhunters have always defined themselves by love. So, don’t ever let them take that away from you.”

I want this on a T-shirt. These damn shadowhunters and their love.

“Like the Accords Hall kiss?” Rafael grinned.

“It’s the stupidest thing your father had ever done – which is really saying something,” his father laughed. “But it’s also the bravest thing I’ve ever seen him do. And that’s how I knew.”

affectionate sigh that's alec.

“Good. Max is sitting in the porch and singing All by Myself,” Tessa chuckled and closed the door. “Just thought you should know!!”

Rafael giggled at that. “He must have given you hell.”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Bapak shrugged, and Rafael raised an eyebrow. “Fine. I might have promised to buy him a car when he turns 18.”

“You’re hoping he would stop aging by then, aren’t you?” Rafael chuckled.

Max is so dramatic I aspire to be like him.

Blue banners when the lost return, the shadowhunter rhythm said.

Rafael had returned home – and he was no longer lost.

I'm ok I say as I cry during my history class

I'm so proud of him.

“Well, that needs to be rectified immediately,” Dad said in the Consul Voice and literally yelled. “I am about to kiss my son – on both cheeks! You better gossip about this too!”

“Oh my god, stop!” Rafael giggled and tried to escape.

“YAS!” he heard Uncle Jace yelled from somewhere. “GIVE US A FOREHEAD KISS TOO!”

THEY ARE SO DRAMATIC I LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO MUCH.

THEM ADDING TO THE ACCORDS AS THEY SHOULD OMG

“The hell is hate speech?” someone asked.

Do you not have a dictionary you uncultured swine

“There is a very clear difference between free speech and hate speech,” Cristina Rosales pointed out. “The fact that you don’t seem to know that is all the more reason for us to include this provision.”

YES CRISTINA

“By the angel,” an old man gasped. “There is no need to be so emotional. The younger generation can be such snowflakes.”

What if I just strangles him

“Discriminatory language?” a woman demanded. “What does that even mean?”

“Calling vampires bloodsuckers,” Lily Chen answered.

“Calling warlocks demon spawns,” Ragnor Fell pointed out.

“Calling werewolves fleabags,” Maia Roberts declared.

“Calling faeries half-breeds,” Kieran Kingson all but yelled.

The fact that they have had to deal with this shit for YEARS. (also why Kingson? isn't Kieran the king?)

THE QUEEN HERSELF IS HERE Y'ALL

“Which one of you shitheads said hate speech is harmless?” Anjali demanded, her voice booming over everyone and everything else.

YES ANJALI

Anjali had a grin of her own. “While that might true, Paige, there is most certainly a law on child protection. You didn’t just hurt Magnus Bane. You also hurt his son. Section 7 of the Child Protection Bill states that any person who physically or emotionally injures a child through ill-treatment, neglect, abandonment or abuse is guilty of breaking the covenant.”

“Damn straight!” someone yelled from the crowd – it sounded suspiciously like Kit.

CALL THESE BITCHES OUT YES

“Rafael is not a child!” someone yelled again. A lot of them this time. “It’s still not illegal. The law doesn’t say so!”

“By the angel, for someone who is obsessed with the law you people seem to know nothing about it,” Anjali said in exasperation. “The child protection law defines a child as a person under 18 years OR younger. The incident happened when he was still 18. It’s illegal.”

YES ANJALI FUCK THESE PEOPLE

“I’m the Inquisitor’s daughter,” she said. “Next time, think twice before you quote the law at me.”

SHOW THEM, QUEEN

How did she know his birthday????

ahem

“So, if you do hurt him emotionally, you can still be implicated. You will face charges and you can possibly be stripped of your runes,” Anjali pointed out seriously. “Now I ask you again. Does anyone else have to say anything about him?”

There was absolute silence then.

“Didn’t fucking think so,” Anjali spat. “I literally had to mention the stripping of your marks for you to respect another person’s basic rights. If you give half the value you place on your precious runes to other people, we wouldn’t be in exile right now.”

The Cohort looked terrified – of Anjali or their future in the Clave, Rafael didn’t know.

“People are dying,” Anjali said, her voice heavy now. “Our people are fucking dying, and you seem to be more bothered with who is sleeping with whom. Shame on you. Shame on all of you!”

She turned to the Council. The Inquisitor looked like he was going to cry from pride. Rafael’s dad looked half terrified but mostly impressed. Lily was blowing kisses at Anjali. The other downworld leaders looked quite pleased.

Shadowhunters are so fucking bigoted and narrow-minded. I'm seething right now.

also, alec looking scared-

“THAT’S THE BEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!” Emma Carstairs yelled.

“Goddamn, I wish Magnus was here to see this,” Uncle Jace grinned. “That was satisfying as hell.”

“No worries, I recorded the whole thing!” Kit put up his hand.

YES YES AND YES

“Fuck the Cohort,” Rafael giggled.

“Actually, I would prefer you use the word screw,” his father pointed out. “Screw the Cohort!”

“Oh my god, Dad!” Rafael rolled his eyes. “I am allowed to swear once in a while.”

“No, you are not,” Dad said firmly – this man was so not ready to meet Max’s new persona. “As your friend pointed out, you are still a child.”

Alec seeing Max curse left and right: 👁️👄👁️

"She hates me!"

“Rafael, she stood up for you in front of the entire Clave. She fought the Cohort. It was incredibly brave. I wish she had spoken to me before without causing all the chaos. So, it was a little stupid of course. But still brave.”

Stupid but brave.

YESYESYESYES IT'S HAPPENING!!!

ANJALI WHO HURT YOU

WHO DARED TO

Names. Give me names NOW

Jaime no...please no not Jaime.

please please, please

ok, I searched it up. And he can get treatment. He can live. It doesn't have to be serious. please, Jaime...

“If you ever tell anyone you saw me crying, I will drag you to Idris and drown you in Lake Lyn.”

This is such an Anjali thing to say.

OOO MILLA (Mila?) MESSAGED!!! Is there gonna be some sort of love triangle here??

me who despises love triangles (aside from TID of course): ...

BUT SINCE IT'S YOU I'M SURE IT'LL BE AMAZING. I'm still nervous about this though...

UHCUHDVUKDVHUKVHUVHM I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO SO SO MUCH IT WAS A LITERAL ROLLERCOASTER AND ANJALI QUEEN I LOVE

see ya on Friday!!

OKAY I AM LOVING THIS ENERGY BUT PLEASE FOCUS ON YOUR CLASSES FJKSDFHJKSJFHKD I PROMISE THE STORY IS GOING TO BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK LOL.

But I am so glad you like it. Amidst all your screaming and chaos, I always find very perceptive and profound observations. It's fantastic! I love it so much!

Thank you for enjoying LBAF - and good luck with your tests!!!

[satansbooks]

Obey Me Headcanons

Reader is gn also winchester.

warnings: swear words. I don't know what to put in this. it's my first time actually so definitely be prepared of messy writing and some grammar mistakes?

a/n: hey! I hope you like it since I started watching supernatural again. I thought why don't I give it a try. I didn't add belphegor since this headcanon/fic takes a place in the first month of the whole exchange program. ✨here you are✨

word count: 1,7k

summary: reader is the youngest sibling of winchesters, end up in devildom.

okay so, you and your brothers were after a stupid shapeshifter for two weeks now and let me tell you that, being in a same car with your annoying brothers for two weeks without getting any rest to deal with them was sucked.

this shapeshifter (you guys were guessing he was an alpha since he was fast and wasn't struggling with shifting.) was homicidal maniac to be honest. he killed more than thirty children in a two weeks row and they were so random. like he was killing for fun. there were not any pattern or connection between them.

town to town, city to city. you and your brothers chased him non stoppingly. your body was craving for some bed to sleep on. or a pillow. or anything that is soft and resting. these leather seats were hella uncomfortable.

and still, still you had a very little information about him. he was leaving lots of trace for you to find him. he seemed like he was enjoying your little chasing game. well that makes one. because you were this close to lose your shit.

you were watching stars from your side of the car window while driving (the road was soo empty. you were sure you could drive with your eyes closed). your older brothers music was keeping you company on a low sound level to not to wake them up. normally Dean wouldn't trust you with his car but he was tired. after all he was driving for two weeks with a very little rest. he needed some sleep. at least more than six hours. and Sam, well he just likes sleeping and napping.

so when your vision blurred suddenly you act quick to pull over. without any second you found yourself in a room. it was like a court room with eight chairs. different animal shadows was painted on the walls behind the court chairs. dark decorations and purple&black flags all over the place. only some candles were lighting the whole room.

spooky?

later you found out you were in devildom as an exchange student for a whole year just because some fancy underground elite wanna show off to three realm that he's the one and only king that can bring peace and serenity. you were his little experiment.

anyone could tell you were beyond being angry. you were frustrated. and nothing, nothing you do could change that.

or you thought...

he knew keeping you under his control would be hard so he decided to do what he can do best.

dealing.

if you could stay here without giving him or the house of lamentation any trouble for a month, he was going to release you. but he was sure you would want to stay here after you spent a month. (he knew thanks to barbatos..)

you didn't say anything to him. you knew your brothers would come to get you before that. even if it means they have to destroy whole "devildom". you were sure. also you didn't have anything to use against these demons except your tattoo (which would only work if one of them wanna take over your body.) so the best option was keeping your mouth shut and agreeing with them. you just had to wait for a month.

first night was hard.

not that it got any easier for some time.

you couldn't sleep but who could have blame you. you were in hell. it doesn't matter which fancy name they were calling it. it was hell. the sulphuric smell was unbearable and of course you only had silver knives with you (you were carrying them in your shoe. they were kinda small but since a lot of creatures has a weak spot for silver the size didn't matter. you wished it could harm demons too) so you were unarmed.

they seemed nice tho. they were kind to you (most of the time) especially Beelzebub. so you thought to give them a shot. what could have happen worst?

Lucifer realized the runes you used to seal your room when he was bringing some paper work to your room about exchange program.

these kind of runes were useless here. but he didn't want to say anything to you, clearly you needed them.

Mammon was your 'first' guy. he was with you on your way to RAD and also in your classes. (Lucifer made sure that you two have the same class schedule) eventually you started talking with him because it was impossible not to. he was charming, talkative and funny. you would be lying if you said you wouldn't enjoying his company during your time with him. (especially after the whole pact thing. it only brought you two closer.)

you were quick to remove all runes in your room after that.  because you and mammon started watching movies together. sometimes Beel and Levi would join you.

and when you were not, you were with Asmodeus.

your father was trying to keep a balance between his kids and his hunting business, most of the time you were with your brothers. they were pretty protective over their younger sibling. that actually explained why you didn't have any friends.

so when asmodeus asked you to come shopping with him you were slightly shocked?

yeah, of course you and your brothers went to shopping but it was because of some necessity not for fun or spending your time.

but your nervousness passed quickly around him. he was lovely, and so very kind. you actually liked how straightforward he was. and this little "shopping sprees" turn into your things.

your first and genuine interactions with all of the brothers were on a dinner.

they were trying to scare mammon by using the so told "ghosts" in their house. they were just joking around but even the thought of them made the second eldest shudder.

you didn't say anything because you were enjoying your well-cooked meal which was from human realm (they decided to put some human world food in their menu in order to make you feel more comfortable)

"there's no such a thing as ghosts!"

Mammon said without waiting more. you could sense the anger mixing with fear in his voice. then you feel a sudden urge to laugh.

"oi, what are ya laughing at human!"

"of course there is Mammon. they're pretty common. I'm sure there is one in this house."

you couldn't stop your laughter. there wasn't anything funny about it actually but come to think of it, he was one of the most powerful demon in three realms and scared of low level creatures like ghosts?

brothers always forgot they actually have a hunter in their houses---

they all asked tons of questions about ghosts and other stuffs you've been hunting.

satan was the most curious one about this topic. he asked you many questions about them after dinner. of course he read all about them but it was just basic informations to be honest. (and they all sounded like a fairytale tbh)

please don't be surprised when he actually arranges some kind of hunting trip with you to examine them closely. lucifer didn't know about that.

but figured it out when two of you showed up to RAD very late, smelling like rock salt and fuel.

you gave him one of your notebooks (you started to take notes about the creatures you're hunting with your brothers just like your father did. you already had four notebooks for now. it was like diary.) to study. he appreciates it. :''

okay here's another thing, your older brothers appetite was something you've never seen before. or you thought before meeting with Beelzebub.

when you met Beelzebub for the first time you didn't mind his eagerness to eat that much. (Dean was your family's Beelzebub lol.) obviously you couldn't eat as much as he does but your company kept him happy.

he was giving you big-bear-hugs whenever you talk about your brothers or how bad you missed them. (he feels you :'))

you two started to go diners or whatever they were calling it so often. he was kind and thoughtful. even invited you to join him for workouts. (since you're not going hunting trips anymore, you decided to join him on gym to keep yourself and your form steady.)

after gym you usually would watch a show called "I'm an unstoppable powerful wizard but still don't know how to fall in love with someone so I'm hunting other creature's to forget about my massive heart-break but it's not really a heart-break." which was a good show to be honest.

thats how you got close with Levi. he already was impressed your skills as a hunter ('they're like, out of an anime!' he thought) so he invited you for long gaming sessions in his room. since you were always in a car. it was difficult first. but you got used to it. (he was good at teaching)

you spent tons of sleepless night with him: watching movies and animes, playing games, reading and re-acting manga scenes.

the most challenging demon to communicate was lucifer. he already met your brothers. and he didn't like them. he had a strong prejudice about you. he thought you were just like your brothers.

but after some time, when you started to get more comfortable around other brothers it also effected your relationship with the eldest.

and it all started with a dumb question.

he was doing some paperwork for lord diavolo with you about the exchange program. when you sighed for the millionth time in an hour. he had no choice but ask what was the problem.

"can you look into my eyes and ask me what do I truly desire?"

he was confused?

"I mean there's a Lucifer in human world who can bring people's darkest desires. so I was wondering if you could do the same."

now he was more confused.

there was a Lucifer in human realm? and what was his ability again?

when you try to explain him and failed over and over again you decided to show him.

and you two started to watch Lucifer.

he actually enjoyed spending some alone time with you.

after a month, your brothers never showed up. you didn't want them to. Lucifer said he taken care of them. and he promised that he didn't hurt them.

even if you missed your brothers too much. you knew one year wouldn't hurt anyone.

after all maybe that 'underground elite' was right. he was the one and only who could bring peace and serenity over the three realms...

and you were very thankful to him.

[heyyy-hey-babyyy]

When We Were Young (Part II)

Dean x Fem!Reader; Sam x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Read part I here

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of trauma/abuse, brief moments of self-harm, mentions of anxiety attack

Summary: Dean, Sam, and Y/N grew up together, but when she’s taken away for over 10 years, the boys have no idea what she’s been through. Will asking her to move into the bunker with them reveal more than she’s ready for?

You slammed the door behind you, slipping down it’s smooth surface allowing the tears to fall. What is wrong with me? Not only had you completely embarrassed yourself in front of Dean, but you yelled in his face. He had to be furious with you. You’d be lucky if he spoke to you again. 

Minutes passed with you continuing to spiral, your head banging softly against the wooden door of it’s own accord. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. The rhythm was soothing, and you felt your eyelids start to droop when you heard and felt a different type of knocking, more anxious. More aggressive. You tensed thinking it was Dean. You couldn’t face him yet.

“Y/N?” You heard softly through the door. Sam. Of course. You didn’t answer, but you stopped the rhythmic slamming of your own head against the door. 

You heard a soft sign and a thud as Sam must have placed his forehead against the door. 

“Y/N, please. Dean said you hurt your hand... let me help.” You paused, your hands pressed flat on the cold tile floor. Hurt your hand? 

Looking down you gasped seeing the angry red blisters forming on your right hand, and suddenly, as if a switch were flipped, you felt the pain of the grease burning your hand and you cried out sharply, grasping the injured hand to your chest. You felt the tears streaming down your face again, as you sobbed loudly, your hand throbbing with pain. 

“Y/N!” Sam was shouting now, hearing you cry on the other side of the door. You couldn’t move afraid of the sharp pain you felt moments ago, but you were also afraid of Sam breaking down the door with you leaning against it, his pounding fists growing louder. You scooted slowly away from the door on your butt until you felt the soft side of your mattress. Leaning against it you let out another cry more out of frustration for the situation you put yourself in then the pain of your hand. In that moment you needed someone there with you, but couldn’t ask for it as you continued to spiral into your own mind. You clenched your injured fist tightly letting out another cry of pain. 

Luckily, it was Sam at your door and not Dean, so he simply picked the lock and entered moments after your mind shut itself down and you lay limp on the cool tile. You heard the door open with a creak, and felt the draft as Sam rushed in, kneeling down next to you and wasting no time, grabbing your injured hand in his. You looked up at him with blank eyes, barely seeing him. 

“It’s okay, Y/N,” Sam muttered, as he unballed your injured fist slowly and began applying a cool cream to the raised blisters that instantly soothed your hand. You were beginning to recognize where you were again, and let out a quiet sob, gaining Sam’s attention. He was carefully checking over your hand moving it this way and that in the light to make sure he covered all of the blisters with the burn cream. But his eyes didn’t stay on your hand the entire time. From his position, you could see he was glancing back toward the door. Glancing back at someone. It dawned on you all at once. 

“Don’t let Dean see me!” You called out, not able to control the volume of your voice. You hadn’t meant for it to come out quite as offensive as it did, but clearly Dean heard you loud and clear, slamming your door behind him. Sam looked at you, grimacing when the door slammed loudly. 

“I hadn’t meant it like that.” You whispered aloud continuing to beat yourself up over the entire situation. 

“I know,” Sam breathed out. “Let’s get you up in bed and I’ll wrap your hand.” 

You nodded, and felt Sam’s arm snake around your shoulders and help you to a sitting position, then up to your feet. You were shaky, but held yourself up while Sam pulled back your sheet and comforter. You slipped under them, and Sam sat on the edge of your bed wrapping your hand with soft gauze. When he was finished, you thanked Sam quietly, and he ran a hand gently through your hair, tucking it behind your ear, before leaving your room and closing the door softly behind him. You didn’t sleep that night. 

—————————————————-

Since that morning, Dean hadn’t met your eye level and never tried to touch you again. You didn’t blame him, but you missed just friendly hugs or the way he would softly ruffle your hair as he passed on his way to the garage or something. And you missed looking into his bright green eyes each morning and being awarded with a Dean Winchester smile. You didn’t know what to say to him, or how to tell him you were sorry, without it developing into a conversation you didn’t want to have. So you kept quiet, and went about your life. The bunker was quiet as the boys did the same and when they went on a hunt, leaving you behind at your request, the bunker was deafening, with only your demons in the closet to keep you company. 

As the weeks went by, you began to spiral even more. Every sound the bunker made, which you thought you had gotten used to months ago, had you cowering or hiding in your room. You hadn’t ever dealt with your past, and living alone for all those years was what you were used to. The nightmares only got worse. In every one you were trapped in the same room, in the same dark closet, with the same people over and over again. And it never ended. Every time you closed your eyes, it was like watching an old VHS. It would start from where you jolted awake the night before. 

Which was exactly what just happened. You shot upright in bed with a short scream that you cut off quickly, straining your ears to make sure you hadn’t woken the boys. Glancing at the clock on your bedside table you saw it was barely 1:30am, but you knew you wouldn’t allow yourself to go back to sleep. Not when the same situation was waiting for you behind closed eyes. With a heavy sigh you lifted yourself off of the bed, resigning to a night of research. Sam needed some help with some of the symbols they had found deep in the bunker last week anyway. 

You creaked open your door as soundlessly as you could, and stepped out into the cold hallway. The air let out a soft groan and you squeaked, mentally kicking yourself to shut up, as you were right outside of Dean’s room and the door was cracked. You slapped a hand quickly over your mouth hoping he didn’t hear you when you heard the springs in his bed creak and you sighed, hearing his footsteps coming toward you. 

“Y/N?” He asked, peeking his head out of the door his hair looking adorably sleep mussed. You smiled to yourself, and Dean smiled back for the first time in weeks. Your knees went a little weak, and you realized he was asking you a question. 

“Uh, hey,” you awkwardly replied, shuffling your feet a little, unsure where this conversation was heading, but figured you’d be honest for once. “I couldn’t sleep, so I was going to go see if I could get anywhere with those ancient symbols for Sam.” Dean let out an “ah” sound in reply, and you shrugged your shoulders, beginning to walk away, when you saw Dean reach for you out of the corner of your eye, but he held back. Feeling guilty, you stopped and turned toward him. 

“Uh, listen. Can we talk for a sec?” He looked nervous as he asked, but once the words were out he looked you in the eye, both resolute and unwavering, telling you there wasn’t much choice. You nodded and he gestured to let you into his room. 

Dean’s room was warmer than yours, more homey, and you inhaled leather and whiskey right off. You missed being in his room. After your moment, you hadn’t been invited for movie night with him anymore. You understood, but being in here made you think of his booming laughter echoing off the walls and the sound of candy being shaken into eager hands. It reminded you of childhood with your best friend. The thought made you tear up, but Dean cleared his throat and you choked back the tears turning back toward him. 

“Y/N, what’s going on with you?” He looked uncomfortable again and you shrugged your shoulders in response, feigning ignorance to what he was talking about. Dean sighed in his typical ‘no nonsense’ way, and scrubbed a hand down his face. 

“Don’t do that.” He sounded exhausted and you felt a bit guilty in that moment thinking you had also kept Dean up just as much as you kept yourself up. “I know you better than anyone, baby. I always have. Just tell me what’s going on.” You had been looking down at the floor, but looked into his eyes when he used his nickname for you. You don’t know me as well as you think you do, Dean. 

You took a deep breath, ready to sweep this whole situation under the rug and get back to normal life, normal Dean, normal Sam. Normal Y/N. 

“Honestly, Dean,” you had a smile lightly plastered to your face and hoped it was convincing, at least in the dim lighting. “Nothings going on. I think all of the hunting has just been getting to me, and I started having some nightmares. The morning a couple weeks ago was nothing, you just caught me off guard. It’s not a big deal.” You decided to tell him like an eighth of the truth, and hope it worked, but you could tell by the way he flared his nostrils that he knew you were lying. 

“You think I don’t notice, Y/N, but I do. I see the way you flinch at small sounds, or when Sam brushes against you without you knowing it. It’s like you’re afraid of your own shadow lately. And you think no one hears you at night, but we hear when you have nightmares and the things you scream...” He trailed off looking uncomfortable for the millionth time tonight and you were starting to lose patience that he wouldn’t just drop the situation. But what he had said was beginning to stick in your mind. 

“What I scream? What are you talking about?” You had been certain that every time you woke up from a nightmare you cut the scream off instantly. Certain that you weren’t waking the boys. Had you been wrong? 

Dean looked like he regretted saying anything, but he looked deep in your eyes, letting you know he was telling the truth. “You scream out for someone to stop... begging ‘no’ and ‘not again.’ Y/N... It sounds like someone is or has been abusing you. Over and over...” He finished and looked straight into your eyes, like Sam did when he was younger, trying to read you. But you were determined for him not to see how much truth there was to his words. 

“Uh, look, I’m feeling really tired. I think I’ll try to sleep again,” you were slowly backing up toward the door, attempting to remove yourself from this conversation. But as you turned to leave, Dean grabbed your arm, and you ripped it back fear coursing through you. 

“Stop!” You screamed. Even though you knew you weren’t in danger with Dean, something about being touched when you’re unprepared sends you into fight or flight. “Don’t touch me!” 

“Y/N!” Dean yelled back, making you shrink away. “This is exactly what I’m talking about!” His voice was raising as he was coming toward you and you ripped open his door scurrying into the hall and crashing into what felt like a brick wall. You realized it was Sam and backed further away, feeling trapped in a situation you wanted nothing to do with. Dean had followed you into the hallway and with both Winchesters blocking the exits, you had nowhere to go. Nowhere to run. Trapped. 

Read part III here!

[suckerfordeansfreckles]

Balcony Dates

Dean has been hearing a lot of things from behind the wall that separates his apartment from his cute neighbor’s. It’s not like he listens for them, it’s just that the walls are very thin. 

He’s heard lot of things that made him shake his head in confusion, theories about the Harry Potter universe, constant bangs and shouts of pain, really really really questionable phone conversations with some Gabriel that so frequently end in loug sighs that Dean has concluded Gabe must be a family member of some sort. Monologues about bees in Europe, human trafficking, frog species? 

Dean’s heard a few nice things, too, soft singing, whistling, accompanied by sounds that make Dean believe that his neighbor enjoys dancing around his place to commercials and 80s pop songs. Deep and throaty laughs.

A few very, very nice things in the deep of the night that Dean can’t think about without blushing bright red and feeling deeply ashamed for listening.

He’s heard a lot, over the year he’s been living next to the ruffled, cute guy next-door. Most of it was tinted a little by the fact that the pandemic made sure Dean couldn’t go over there and introduce himself in person. There have been glimpses of each other in the hallway, arms full of groceries or mail, faces hidden by masks. But nothing more. 

It’s absurd that Dean feels like he knows the guy by now, even though he doesn’t even know his first name. 

It’s absurd, that Dean feels any right to do this, but right now, with C. Novak sobbing and gasping on the other side of his bedroom wall, Dean can’t help it at all.

He scoots towards the end of his bed, knocks against the wall, knocks again until the sobbing quiets down for a moment.

“Hey,” he says, for a lack of a better introduction. “Hello, I’m pretty sure you can hear me through the wall. I just… I hope you’re okay?” He starts to talk louder, hears nothing from the other apartment except for a few very dampened sniffles. “You don’t sound like you’re okay, and I guess I just wanted to know if I could help?” He’s rambling at his wall, but he can’t stop himself. “I know we don’t really know each other yet, but I’m Dean.”

He waits, a few very long heartbeats, until the wall answers. “I’m Cas.”

There’s a smile on his face he can’t explain. “Hey there, Cas. Hope I got that right.”

A thump from the other side of the wall. Another sob. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Did you hear all of that?” Cas asks, voice sounding choked, as far as Dean can make that out through the wall.

“A bit of it. Not everything.”

“Oh my god.”

“Please don’t be ashamed. I bet you must have heard some pretty embarrassing things from my side of the wall by now too, right? I’ve been told I talk in my sleep.”

That gets a short laugh out of his neighbor. “And here I was, thinking you just enjoy monologuing at three a.m.” 

Dean decides to be bold, just blurts: “Would you want to come out on the balcony with me?”

There’s no answer for a long time, so Dean walks across his room towards the glass door that leads him onto his small balcony and opens it. There are a few feet of distance between his and Cas’ balcony, but it’s a good distance to speak to each other. How they’ve never been out there at the same time so far, Dean doesn’t know. 

It’s cold outside, chilling to the bone, but he can’t be bothered about that right now. All he can focus on is the tousled head peeking out between dark-green curtains. Cas’ eyes are red, cheeks blotchy and wet, nose swollen.

“Hey,” Dean says again, and Cas’ blinks at him for a few seconds before stepping out onto his own balcony.

“Hey,” Cas answers, pulling the sleeves of his sweater down and over his hands. “Sorry again, for the noise. I just --”

“Dude,” Dean takes over when Cas can’t finish his sentence. “It’s okay! I was just honestly worried you were seriously injured. Do you… wanna talk about it?” He steps closer towards the end of his balcony, hands on the railing. They are being very safe, he reminds himself, enough space and fresh air and everything. And Cas just really seems like he needs a friend right now.

“I’m not -- There isn’t really anything to talk about. Today is just a lot, or maybe, life is just a lot lately. I’m not sure I can…” There’s a tear sliding down Cas’ cheek, and Dean desperately wants to reach out and wipe it away. “It feels like I’m losing control over everything in my life, I’m just over it. Fucking pandemic.”

Dean can’t help but snort at that, sending Cas a half-smile. “If that ain’t a fucking mood. This year should just end already.”

“Yeah, it really should.” Cas laughs wetly, rubbing a shirtsleeve over his cheeks. “I’m a little embarrassed that you had to listen to my break-down. And that you see me like this,” he gestures at himself.

“You’re still super cute to me,” Dean blurts, before really thinking about it, and then he gets to watch the redness spread from Cas’ cheeks down to his neck in the evening sun.

“That,” Cas stutters. “I can’t really believe that, but thank you. Thank you for… interrupting me, Dean, for getting my mind off of everything.”

“Whenever you need me,” Dean says, and feels something warm bloom in his chest when he watches the first smile stretch across Cas’ face. “And now… Do you want some hot chocolate? And maybe tell me about yourself?”

Cas is smiling softly when he agrees, and he keeps smiling softly through most of the evening. Dean has seldomly felt prouder.

A few hours later finds them wrapped in their blankets out on their balconies in the dark of the night, drinking their second hot chocolate, their respective (and honestly quite sad) collections of candles spread around them, talking about life, family, loneliness and the world.

When Dean goes to bed that night, Cas is more than just cute to him. They have also switched phone numbers and scheduled another balcony-date for the next day. 

(And so what if maybe they violate some government rules when, four weeks of self-quarantining and balcony-dating later, Dean takes Cas home with him and cuddles him on the balcony as hard as he would have wanted to that first day.)