#& that makes me so irrationally angry

[froschli96]

You know what, fuck it, I have to speak my truth! (this is gonna be a rant, so anyone who actually likes assassin's creed revelations and/or the secret crusade, be warned or maybe don't read this at all)

remember how altaïr talks to king richard at the end of ac1, and richard is like "[humans] come into the world kicking and screaming, violent and unstable. it is what we are. we cannot help ourselves."? and how altaïr answers "no. we are what we choose to be." and how that ACTUALLY has meaning bc he himself was "violent and unstable" at the beginning of the game but he has learned and is now CHOOSING to be a better person who cares about others and humanity at large? remember how his calmness and gentleness was something that he ACQUIRED over the course of the story?

and remember how in revelations they then suddenly had a PRE-AC1 altaïr say about the first of his targets "no man should pass from this world without knowing some kindness." and be all wise and calm and collected during a nice little chat with al mualim, who suddenly acts all fatherly? (like, this is suddenly supposed to be a positive relationship? what??)

also, during the confession the target says to altair: "you put too much faith in the hearts of men, altaïr. [...] humans are weak, base, and petty." and altaïr answers: "no. our creed is evidence to the contrary." KJASJFJDKL???? like, it’s almost insulting how close this exchange is to the one with richard. you know, the one that was actually earned after a whole game of character development. like WTF??? cool congrats now that development means nothing. like, apparently that was just altaïr reverting BACK to being the exemplary assassin who understands and believes in the creed that he was apparently just born as. (i also hate how having a young inexperienced altaïr saying this implies that altaïr's faith in humanity is a sign of naivete instead of a sign of the wisdom he has gained after being confronted with counter arguments for a whole game, and also something that distinguishes the assassins from the templars who use humanity's supposed wickedness to justify controlling them like in AC1, but whatever)

altaïr’s development in AC1 mattered BECAUSE he is not NATURALLY a good person, it actually said something about humanity's capacity for both bad AND good and how humans don't have to be forced to be good through mind control bc they can by their own free will choose to be better when taught how and when allowed the freedom to grow. but no. apparently altaïr has just always been calm, wise and gentle. and he just sort of forgot about that during AC1 bc…. ? bc of adha?? bc of abbas???

oh don’t get me started on the whole abbas thing. (it doesnt even make sense that abbas is so hung up about his father and "his family’s honor", like what about the whole point of al mualim not allowing parents to be close to their children bc it would make them weak? like, my dude, you’re not supposed to HAVE any family aside from the brotherhood)

they used the throwaway character that had like 5 lines and made him into altaïr’s main antagonist in revelations… like, abbas wasn’t supposed to be this ONE dude who had personal beef with altaïr, he was just supposed to show how while altaïr’s revered by many, a lot of his brothers also hate him, bc 1) altaïr is a shitty person at this point and 2) bc there’s no real feeling of community and family in this version of the brotherhood, but just a pervasive sense of competition and jealousy — these assassins don’t care about their goal of safeguarding humanity bc they’re too hung up on petty squabbles and divided by rivalries (you know, the things that made malik hate altaïr even before solomon’s temple and that he overcomes in the end which enables him to forgive and to reconcile with altaïr so they can work together and stop al mualim? (you ever just think about "we are one. as we share the glory of our victories, so too should we share the pain of our defeat. in this way we grow closer. we grow stronger." and cry? bc i do. all the time. malik, the man that you are))

and now abbas is altaïr’s childhood best friend turned lifelong enemy?? like, bowden bent over backwards to come up with an explanation for why altaïr is an arrogant ass at the beginning of AC1, when the explanation is right there: he was raised to kill without asking questions and was constantly praised for how good he is at murder, which resulted in him becoming arrogant and disregarding human life. like, it doesn’t have to be some shakespearean family feud type shit. and guess what, this "simple" explanation actually plays into the story’s themes, who’da thunk!

(like, abbas might not have been a "fleshed out" character in AC1, but he had a specific function and now that function is gone. mr bowden, mr mcdevitt, you know characters are allowed to simply exist to tell us something about their worlds and the systems they live in and sometimes that’s more important and also more interesting than having every single character have a detailed backstory to explain all their behaviors, right?)

with all of this revelations loses all nuance in regards to the levantine brotherhood and also the creed in general. like, altaïr being a master assassin at the beginning despite being a terrible person and not actually understanding the creed is a criticism of the brotherhood and the creed itself. like, it said something about the order that someone like altaïr was able to get that high in rank, simply bc he's good at killing, which also tells us what is considered important in the al mualim era assassin order. when you make altaïr’s arrogance the result of his personal conflicts instead of how we was raised by a brotherhood that only valued one's ability to kill, you lose that characterization of the assassin order itself!

and by suddenly making al mualim a semi good "father figure" you also downplay his manipulation of not only altaïr but all those under his care. (altaïr says something about al mualim being "as a father" to him exactly twice in the codex, but he doesn’t mean by that that he WAS a father to him, what he means is that he was the CLOSEST THING he had bc HE DID NOT HAVE PARENTS, not because his mother died in childbirth and his father was executed when he was young btw, BUT BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALLOWED, like his parents actually lived but weren’t allowed to be close to him, he says he came to view al mualim’s "weak and dishonest" love as enough and even better BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AL MUALIM ISOLATED HIS ASSASSINS FROM THEIR FAMILIES. al mualim "loved" him bc he was good at killing people for him! hm, i wonder if this could be trying to say anything about cults and indoctrination and the inherent contradiction in fighting for peace and free will by taking children away from their parents and raising them to become killers?? like, altaïr wasn't ~the special orphan boy~ taken in by al mualim bc his father died a hero's death, it was "the way of the order" to have al mualim be the closest thing to a parental figure for everyone to ensure absolute loyalty! altaïr saying al mualim was like his father is not supposed to make you go "oh, he must have actually been a good guy for altaïr to consider him a father", it should make you go "oh that's kinda fucked up that he considers the dude who made him into a killing machine and who manipulated him a sort of father figure"!)

and then in revelations they suddenly portray that relationship as positive and healthy??? like, it would be one thing to give it some nuance by delving into the psychology behind al mualim’s "love" and maybe showing how al mualim did care about altair in a complicated, fraught sort of way (like, you know, there’s a lot of interesting things you could say about al mualim at several points addressing altaïr as "my child" in AC1 and how that parallels Garnier referring to the people he drugged and abused as his "children", and what that says about how the templars view the people who they say they want to save and in whose best interests they supposedly act (in any case, al mualim doesn’t use that phrase because he has any real parental feelings but rather to patronize and to invalidate any objections, like in a "mother knows best" way))

but they even fucking DARE to parallel that relationship with that of altaïr and darim in revelations, by having the reflection in the puddle of darim hugging altaïr showing altaïr hugging al mualim…. like their relationship wasn’t inherently abusive but just tragically cut short because al mualim was just "corrupted by the apple"… like WHAT???? so it’s not the very real problems like grooming, manipulation and indoctrination and the hierarchical structure of the brotherhood itself (all of which are antithetical to the assassin ideology), it was just the evil apple all along. great. that’s DEFINITELY a lot more interesting.

god im sorry i really dont want to spread negativity but this is driving me INSANE. like, somebody please tell me im not crazy bc i feel like somehow most of the fandom is in agreement that revelations and the secret crusade have better storytelling and characterization than ac1.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, can we talk about how, even IF we completely ignore AC1 and treat revelations altaïr as his own character…. the narrative still doesn’t really work?

basically, the whole point of his story in rev is that "he gave his whole life to the brotherhood", this obsession led to him not using his time with his family which has him ending up dying alone in a dark library and this in turn makes ezio reevaluate his life choices…. except. he doesn’t? neglect? his family? or whatever? like, his devotion to the assassins is sort of painted as this tragic flaw that leads to a lonely death bc it supposedly comes at the cost of his family, but… his wife has joined the assassins, (at least) one of his sons is in the brotherhood and even when he goes to protect the assassins against the mongols, he takes his family with him (except for the son who stays behind bc he has a family of his own and who, ironically, ends up dying bc of that)… like, you can’t describe altaïr as a good husband and father in the database and have his son tell him that "everything that is good in me began with you, father" when they say goodbye, and then want to make us believe that he put his family behind the brotherhood and that that is a character flaw that leads to his tragedy.

because you HAVE to have a character’s tragedy be the result of a character flaw. like. that is how tragedies work. otherwise it just becomes tragedy for the sake of tragedy which is… boring bc it has no purpose. and we know it is SUPPOSED to have purpose bc ezIO FUCKING QUITS BEING AN ASSASSIN AFTER WITNESSING IT!

it’s like they want to have their cake and eat it, too — they didn’t want to actually make altaïr a bad husband/father, but still wanted to make his life a tragedy where he loses his family which is why instead they outsource all responsibility to abbas who now has to be the reason for ALL the deaths.

like, they try to make at least maria’s death kind of sort of the result of altaïr’s rashness or whatever but like… these guys KILLED THEIR SON and TOLD HIM THAT ALTAÏR HAD ORDERED HIS DEATH. like, altaïr losing it in response to that is not rash, it’s fucking logical and justified! if anything the scene made me angry at maria for trying to stop him. like, GIRL, he was YOUR son too??? but god forbid we give female characters actual real emotions, she has to fill the role of "voice of reason who dies for altaïr’s man pain" i fucking guess.

like, it’s this weird mix where his tragedy is simultaneously painted as his own fault but also not really bc abbas is the one responsible for all the shit that happens. it just… it just doesn’t really go together.

the only way to make his story make sense narratively and to give it actual purpose is by looking at it in the context of ezio’s story, bc the things he sees in altaïr’s memories are supposed to be a revelation (ha!) to ezio specifically. and i guess that’s maybe the crux of it all — altaïr’s story in revelations was conceived of first and foremost to support ezio’s story and development. which is probably also why many people maybe don’t notice bc, having skipped ac1 and started with ac2, the majority of people mostly care only about ezio and only really appreciate altaïr’s story in as far as it serves to push ezio forward. (tho i’ve also seen a few people say that ezio is also written kind of weird in rev, but i’ve never really been an ezio girly myself so i can’t speak to the truth of that)

like, altaïr dying alone in the library doesn’t really have to make sense for his character, i guess, bc it’s only really supposed to be a cautionary tale for ezio.

so, i guess, for once, they actually had a MAN dying for another man’s character development, which is pretty woke actually. ubisoft, i take everything back jksdsfjhgdsahfhsdhfghfdsgjhsdgjh

[madbard]

“Ford is irredeemably self-centered” this, “Ford’s a bad person” that, etc…

Alright. Tell me then.

What was he supposed to do?!?!

Be a better brother? Ford loved Stan! When they were children, Ford took care of his brother as best he could. But Ford was also a kid in a bad situation, and there were limits to what he could do. Not to mention that Stan relied so heavily on Ford that it honestly wasn’t healthy for either of them. Stan couldn’t stand by himself and he wasn’t trying. They were both struggling; maybe pin that on the parents instead of the kids.

Not be angry at Stan for messing with his experiment? Of course Ford was angry! This was his dream college; in that moment he thought his entire future was crumbling. I assure you, if my sibling had ruined my chances of getting into my dream school I would have been more than a little upset, and I’m sure the same goes for most of the people reading this. Of course, Ford did hold onto that anger for considerably longer than was justified, but in this case I would argue that Ford less “held a grudge for 10 years out of spite” and more “never got the chance to make things right with his brother and held onto that anger because it was better than the nauseating guilt over that final argument, the uncertainty at times that his brother was even alive.” (Which is not to say that Ford isn’t spiteful. Our man has plenty of spite. But him being spiteful is not the only thing going on here.) Which brings us to our next point.

Stop Stan from being kicked out? How?! That household does not appear to have been a safe place for either of the brothers. Should Ford have gotten himself kicked out too? Should he have known exactly what to say to talk his father down - the man who just violently threw his twin out of the house? Ford didn’t kick Stan out. He just wasn’t able to stop it from happening, and that’s not something any teen should be blamed for.

Behave himself when reuniting with Stan at the culmination of the worst period of his life thus far? There’s stress. And then there’s being dangerously sleep-deprived and at the mercy of a horrifying demon that betrayed you, leaving you alone in a shack in the woods with no one to call for help except your estranged brother, who’s complaining about a mullet, of all things. Yeah, I’m not going to say Ford’s behavior was anything other than atrocious here. But really. How well would you handle that?

Thanked his brother? Stan could have destroyed the universe; it makes sense that Ford’s upset! He’s also had literally decades to stew in the terror and fury he experienced in those last moments before falling through the portal (something which almost certainly would not have happened if it weren’t for Stan). Again, Ford’s not acting like the world’s best brother here, but it’s understandable.

Ford’s not perfect. He can be arrogant, spiteful, and bitter. He makes serious mistakes (often due to his own hubris) that put himself, his loved ones, and sometimes the entire universe in grave peril. Ford is, in fact, deeply flawed. That’s part of what makes him a fun character! It’s also what makes him a well-written and believable character. Yes, Ford acts like a jerk. He does so quite often.

Ford also spends nearly the entire narrative bouncing from one deeply toxic situation to another, desperately trying to survive and make life better for himself and his family and watching as his brother makes mistake after mistake - sometimes making choices with severe, negative consequences on Ford’s own life.

Ford is doing the best he can. He’d not a bad person. He tries to be good. He tries to do the right thing.

He just fails sometimes.

Don’t we all?

[cockworkangels]

it's genuinely infuriating how badly dean and sam treat kevin or how little they actually even care about him like out af all the side charcters they interact it with they truly just care the least about his wellbeing and the most about his utility. they just dgaf. it's ok to abandon kevin for a year when he's been kidnapped and its ok to try and kill his mom when she's possessed by crowley and it's ok to keep him isolated in a boat even after sam and dean find that they have access to what's apparently the most secure place on the planet and it's ok to give kevin uppers when he's already over-exerting himself to the point his body is literally shutting down. girl like genuinely this is just the first 3rd of s8 that's just a part of what happens. kevin you have the license to kill.

[joelletwo]

if anyone ever makes me learn a sound or a phoneme or a pronunciation ill kill myself

[nekhcore]

wolcred gets to have one (1) nice little moment after prae. this is their first time properly speaking to each other as each other since Lahabrea, and the first time thancred has the opportunity to really ponder the mystery job change. (which he thinks he's responsible for. in part.)

i think misha realizes how out of it thancred really is shortly after and starts icing him out. he's also nursing his brand new scar, courtesy of lahabrea-as-thancred, which he's not really sure how to feel about. and he definitely doesn't want to put that burden on thancred so soon after they get him back. it's not sexy to have to face the consequences of your own failure permanently etched into the body of your lover!

[shellem15]

It's taken like 2 months for me to respond to/expand on this, but whatever:

I'm not actually concerned about Asmodeus not being voiced by Brennan in an animated Exu Calamity (or tlovm) just cause that'd be an objectively insane choice to make (and would certainly overcomplicate things by having to find another VA).

My real concern is them making him have one of those stupidly deep voices that every male villain is forced to have, for some reason. You know, the deep booming one that every "big monstrous red devil" type has. Or god forbid they put some sort of vocal effect over it. That would suck.

Like, I noticed Matt (and kinda Abu? Though he went more growly than deep and already has such a deep voice anyways so it didnt bother me) doing that when he was playing him, and while his (and Abu too especially) physical acting and mannerisms were AMAZING I was just kinda left thinking: but that's not what his voice sounds like???

Cause like, the whole point of him is that he's sounds kinda just like a guy? Even when he was screaming at Zerxus it never went deep, just more growly, y'know? Same thing when Laerryn heard him out of the time stop too, or in the mask-off reveal during downfall. he doesn't have that booming base even when he's being candid. It just doesn't make sense with his character, which is why I really hope they dont go that route in the future.

...

I also really, really hope they don't give him those stupid hair-horn things that every official dnd art gives him. JUST GIVE HIM NORMAL HORNS AND HAIR, FFS. It's so ugly, I hate it!! I would physically not be able to watch him animated if they gave him that design because I'd be filled with such incandescent rage and disgust that I'd simply have to turn off the TV. Please, I'm begging on my hands and knees, don't do this to me!

[intergalacticinsect]

Alright pookies, I have a complaint. Nothing serious just the impassioned rambles of a man about Twst.

So, Leona kingscholar. Pretty Hot guy yeah? Yeah but stay on task. I have questions, because I may be an eng player but I still see leaks right? This concerns his fucking club wear card, the spell drive uniform. That one. Mhm, so yknow how in the groovy he’s wearing sunglasses right? Yeah but, HOW is the question HE DOESNT HAVE ANY FUCKING HUMAN EARS. YOU KINDA NEED THOSE FOR SUNGLASSES TO oh, I don’t know, STAY ON YOUR FACE? And especially when you’re doing something like spell drive- a fast paced sport that requires a lot of zipping around in the air on brooms. So how the fuck, pray tell, is he wearing sunglasses? How are they staying on his face?! Like they look like they just go into his hair!! That! is! not! secure!! At least ruggie has a rational explanation for his goggles and how they work. But Leona? This guy? He’s just got his kitty cat ears and Lucious locks, no strap keeping them in place, no nothing!

Also how the fuck do headphones work for beastfolk? Do they have special little music hats they can wear on their ears? Or do they just wear them like humans and put them on like normal over the human EARS THAT ARENT THERE. therefore making them unable to actually use them. Or like, what about earmuffs? The logistics of these things stress me out to no end. THESE ARE PRESSING CONCERNS PEOPLE!!!

[hana-bobo-finch]

Yknow what it’s time to be completely honest. It’s hot take time. I hate Russ so much. He’s the worst rescue corps member and when I’m not forgetting he exists he makes me so mad. He’s such an overcontrolling prick but it’s not like how dingo’s a prick (like with dingo it’s very obvious he’s meant to be annoying and condescending, it clearly stems from insecurity, he still obviously cares about other people and most of the time he’s just putting up a cool guy facade). Yonny’s eheheheh is like music to my ears even though it’s just text on a screen but Russ’s stupid little KEE HEE is like nails on a chalkboard. All he ever talks about is his inventions and how you should totally get them and blah blah blah. And he’s always like “efficiency this efficiency that I’m busy what do you want” shut up bro!!! Please!!! He’s a nepo baby and I want to smack him every time I see him. His family is what you’d expect from a bunch of rich freaks (shepherd mentioned that they randomly threw a goodbye party for Russ and made her hold their coats at the door??). The fact that people think Collin is annoying or dingo is rude or yonny is uncaring or etc etc etc when Russ is RIGHT THERE is so infuriating, he is all of those traits wrapped up into a hideous little creature. People say that the rescue corps don’t have much personality which is true to an extent, i don’t fully agree but nonetheless Russ is the most cardboard cutout of all cardboard cutouts. Where is the personality?? Yonny’s a sweetheart who’s maybe a lil bit crazy but it’s for a good cause, dingo’s just a whole mess of undiagnosed anxiety and chronic-gym-bro personality, bernard has that whole history with santi and he talks like THIS, I don’t need to defend shepherd because if you just talk with her on base or read her logs you know she has personality, Collin is such a caring lil guy who’s constantly tired and did a bunch of weird jobs to pay for college, then there’s Russ the nepo baby who I want to slap. I guess he does have a bit of a personality but every aspect of it is annoying. Idc how many people disagree I am speaking my truth. I would hug every rescue corps member except for Russ. I would slap his stupid bald head

[greasydumbfuck]

guy having a very normal reaction to punisher max

[dogboymutual]

hi so i found a video compiling every happy tree friends episode together and now i'm having such a fun time watching them and getting angry at a fictional blue moose

what do you MEAN he rarely if ever dies even (and sometimes especially) if the deaths involved are almost entirely his fault. what do you MEAN he has a higher kill count than The Killer Character (the character they made specifically to kill other characters). what do you MEAN he keeps getting employed despite his laundry list of catastrophic damages he himself previously caused. what do you MEAN his incompetence directly helped cause the only canonical suicide in the series. what do you MEAN he's one of the creators' favorite character

[ineffably-graham]

mobius putting his hand on the small of loki's back like "its ok i got you bbg u aren't leaving me this time" was wild

[kaflufflin]

You ever struggle so hard to peel an orange and then once you're finished somebody offers you a knife?

[ink-man-sam]

Can I say that I cannot fuckig stand grace chasity as a character or will the fandom have my head on a stick?

[brainworms-all-night-long]

I am. Going to block every single mother fucker that puts a blazed post on my dash I swear to god

[lemongogo]

idont care abojt the met gala idc about celebrity events i dont care idc idcc idc

[sophsun1]

"I want you to apologise. For bashing me, for causing me permanent brain damage and permanent injury. For giving me nightmares every night for two years. For filling me with fear every time I walk out the door. For treating me like a subhuman who doesn't deserve to live."

Justin Taylor + After effects of the bashing