#& some rando behind us joined in it was so nice

[old-school-butch]

What factors do you think contribute to Islamists forming the majority of the world's extremists right now? Do you think there’s anything that can be done to stop or reverse this trend?

Thank you as always for sharing your knowledge and insights. I appreciate you taking the time to do so for us internet randos :)

Ya know... I'm not sure. I feel like ideals bring people together in ways we don't entirely understand. There's a theory that some universal rules are found in every culture:

help your family

help your group

return favors

be brave / willing to sacrifice the self for the greater good

defer to superiors/leaders

divide resources fairly

respect others’ property

There are many different interpretations about, for example, what a fair division of resources is, and who is the superior, but these rules form the basis of fundamental human society. Other ideals flesh these rules out to help create a story people can rally around. Us and them is pretty basic, how we define 'us' depends on the morals of society. For much of human history, that was tribal/extended family. But religion makes a great story and that quickly grew from being a reason things were the way they were (the divine right of kings for example) to a story that demanded loyalty and society in itself, part of how humans decided who was us and them. The oldest prohibitions about slavery, for example, was that Christians shouldn't enslave Christians and Muslims shouldn't enslave Muslims. (It sounds nice when I say it like that, but it was actually part of colonial conquest - convert to my religion or be killed/enslaved. Oh, and being part of my religion means you have to obey me.).

Anyway, in the last few hundred years the star of the West has been shining bright, often at the expense of other groups subjugated in conquest. Capitalism is its child that has catapulted whole societies into unimaginable amounts of wealth, and what is there for those left behind? Communism was the second child of the West, meant to restrain its elder beast, but it misunderstands human nature and can't work on its own. There are many former Empires around the world who sullenly remember their own glory days and want to recreate them - China, Russia, Persia, the Caliphates all come to mind. But new stories are needed to breathe life into these ideas. For a while it was nationalism, which was evident in the numerous declarations of independence after World War 2 and the 'third world, third way' movement. But nationalism alone can't answer the West, and joining in the West's prosperity has proven difficult to replicate. Many countries that experimented with a variety of economic theories ended up stuck in poverty. Meanwhile, capitalism is spinning out the wealth of king's to entire nations. What's that quote from Marx (that Jenny probably actually wrote)?. Something about a house in the countryside is a house, a house next to a castle is a hat. Income inequality is more absolute when it's the difference between starving and living and the dead can't complain, so it paradoxically breeds far more resentment when it's the difference between subsistence farming and going on space voyages.

Enter religion as a new, galvanizing force. The secular West, and young people living in our society, simply cannot fathom how profound, energetic and deeply personal a comprehensive religious society can be. It's everything. It's your life and afterlife too. It's your soul. You have wealth, spiritual wealth, that the decadent West can never understand. You can hold your head up high again. It is the only answer to the West that people can hold onto with any real hope. Christianity has moderated in the West but accepted its fall from secular power. Other religions have not, and perhaps don't need to. I look at some countries sitting on incredible wealth, that isn't developed because they are too corrupt, or simply don't care to improve the lives of their people. Becoming a suicide bomber is much less appealing when you have a happy, comfortable life. And I'm not going to just pick on Islam here, for centuries the Catholic church argued - with a straight face - that regular tithes to the Church helped keep people too poor to indulge in sinfulness. Anyway, for people who want something else beyond individualism or materialism, that they might not get anyway, religion gives them purpose and principle.

I'm open to hearing other theories, especially around what can be done to extend the principles of democracy, secular statehood and religious freedom around the globe.

[yakumtsaki]

Welcome, dear readers, to part 1 of the finale to the BackupKingdom2 saga! We’re in our final ambition now, let’s check how Liz’s post-divorce-bloodbath is going..

Oh yes, excellent. Our path to death-achievement-glory has been paved with so many executions that wherever I look I see npcs crying..

..comforting each other..

..and in Agnes' case, coming straight to Liz to.. ask for mercy for the populace I guess?? Bruh. I can't believe we even brought down AGNES, truly this is the saddest kingdom on earth. Amazing job, Liz, you've definitely earned your place in the tyrant hall of fame!

Now a lesser player would be like "oh, maybe we should chill a little on the insane tyrant thing, finish the Pirate/Noble arc cause we've been dragging this war out so the pirates/guildsmen would keep spawning and it should have ended like 20 quests ago" and true, we could just end it, we ran a very effective operation around here, shoutout to MVPs Donius and Bellinda and their 'seductive' legendary traits:

They bedded them and Liz beheaded them, the power of teamwork! So one could say that we should consider raising kingdom morale now because everyone is so depressed but I think, if anything, now is the time to ramp it up and go for some of the other morally questionable achievements! Like Machiavelli said, you should commit all your atrocities at once! What do you think, Liz? Ready to get atrocious?

-OH FUCK YEA, I’M ENRAGED, I DROPPED MY FIDDLE IN THE PIT AND NOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE SERVANT TO GET ME A NEW ONE!! WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME >:(

Aw I’m sorry Liz, but I’m sure you the upcoming suffering of your subjects will cheer you up!

-Ok motherfuckers, by order of the Crown aka ME -you hear that Rae?? ME, NOT YOU. God I want to execute you so bad, fucking ingrate, do you remember what rags you were wearing when I hired you??  

Let’s get this back on track, Liz.

-Right, so by order of the Crown, Magus Olivia and Spymaster Spainot are given COMPLETE LEGAL IMMUNITY to do whatever the fuck they want in the interest of earning achievements, so don’t you people come crying to me cause I don’t give one tiny chinchilla crap about your health and livelihoods. If you need me for something actually important, I'll be at the gates, executing anyone who doesn't like my fiddle playing.

-Oh man, this folksy peasant hat isn’t protecting my ears enough.

-THOUGHT I WOULDN’T HEAR YOUR LITTLE MURMUR, DID YOU  -YOUR MAJESTY NO I ONLY MEANT MY EARS WERE COLD -WELL ALL OF YOUR BODY’S ABOUT TO BE COLD NOW! CONSTABLE, THROW THIS PEASANT IN THE PIT

-Death marker? I hardly know 'er!

So the Constable npc has this little Billy Elliot subplot going, I'm pretty sure he has the 'drunkard' fatal flaw because he was always at the tavern so I had Bellinda try to hire him to perform in one of her plays just to see what would happen and it actually worked, and now he moonlights as an actor! It's cute but it also takes forever for him to come arrest people.

-THEY LOVE ME ❤️😁 -CONSTABLE WHATSYOURNAME, COME OVER HERE AND DO YOUR FUCKING JOB OR YOU'RE NEXT FOR THE PIT

-No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, when someone dies😢

In the background you can see that Bellinda just got a pregnancy bump, it’s her lovechild with Donius, I for real can’t keep these two apart. Anyway, the time has come..

..to unleash Magus Olivia onto the populace.

-You know what, I'd rather not, this book is finally getting good and I'm sick of cursing peasants, it doesn't even drop their mood that much..

Oh no, Olivia my beloved, we're not cursing them, we're going for the 'Well Done' achievement!

-NO WAY.

WAY.

-Won't I be executed??

You have immunity! You can do whatever you want!! And, AND, once you complete it, because I know it's tiring, I'll give you a magic skeletal parrot as a gift!! Edward got all the materials for it while treasure-hunting, you'd think I'd let him keep it but that's not the kind of shop I'm running here.

-This is my face of pure, childlike happiness!

Good lord, it’s terrifying, please don’t look at me like that.

-Alright, time to roll down my sleeves so they look more sinister and do this thing.

You can do it, Olivia!

-Of course I can, save your reassurance for the flops that need it.

-I.. cast.. INFERNO!

...

-What?

I mean really, those are the words, "I cast inferno"? Can't you say something with more evil magical flair?

-Not when I have to cast it 80 fucking times I can't.

-IT BURNS, IT BURNSSSSS

Oh how the tables have turned, usually it's the witch that gets burned, huhu! Did you hear that, Olivia? Did you like my joke??

-Oh, it's beautiful!

Well it wasn't one of my best-

-Not you, you needy moron, the sight of burning flesh! I can't wait to do this 79 more times!

Alright, so everyone in the tavern has been turned into a chicken nugget, time to get some rest and check in with Spainot!

-Amazing news, Rodolfo, I just got royal permission to unlawfully lock up and interrogate whoever I want for the achievements!!!

-Darling, no offense, but aren't you a bit too shit at your job for that? -WHAT????

-FUCK YOU RODOLFO YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF MY SUCCESS -I WISH I WAS JEALOUS OF YOUR SUCCESS, THEN YOU'D BE SUCCESSFUL AND I WOULDN'T BE MARRIED TO A BROKE LOSER

-And then he says the only reason he hasn't dumped me is he doesn't wanna be a rando npc while Batshit Liz is on an execution spree, can you believe this bullshit? How can anyone be so hurtful??

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NO NO PLEASE DON'T HAVE THIS CHINCHILLA MAUL ME I'LL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT

-How about you give me some marital advice, are you even listening?! Ugh.

That's right, while Olivia is inferno-ing the peasants, I've sicced Spainot on the nobility, specifically all those foreign diplomats that are always hanging in the reception hall, lagging up the place. We're going for the 100 interrogations achievement and we’ve installed a nice spiky torture chair right in the middle of the hall to save time! Now this is how we keep every stratum of society terrified enough to not realize that the person in charge is.. uh.. well you know:

-DANCE TO MY FIDDLE, PIRATE, DANCE!

-I AM!!!!!

-DANCE MORE ENTHUSIASTICALLY. ALL THE WAY TO THE PIT

After a couple days and several locations I feel we’re pretty close to 80 infernos!

I’d say we’ve burned a good 50-60% of the population at this point, everywhere I look I see singed townies-

-so we take this little barbecue to the palace because we’ve ran out of peasants and it’s time to start burning the foreign dignitaries. And it’s a good thing we do, because Olivia meets Nyrexis the Dragon!!!! 

Nyrexis is the human form of the dragon from a hilar quest where there’s a dragon in the kingdom and you can either befriend it or slay it, I had Bellinda befriend it:

So if you complete the befriend route of the quest, the human form of the dragon appears in town and is in love with whoever did the quest, in this case Bellinda. I am of course not about to waste Dragonfu on Bellinda’s basic ass, plus I feel Olivia is kind of a dragon with all the people she’s been burning so they have a lot in common! 

We dazzle Dragonfu with a coin trick! True magic at work.

-OMG IT WAS BEHIND MY EAR THE WHOLE TIME -I KNOW!

Good God, all of Olivia’s ‘happy’ expressions are terrifying, just don’t smile ever again, you’re too evil for it, you’re gonna scare the dragon away!

Or not!!!!

 AWWWWW 🐲❤️🔮

You know what, fuck it, let’s lock it down, when it’s right it’s right!

-Burn stuff with me forever?? -I WILL!!!!

-We are gathered here today, under threat of fiery death, to join two unholy abominations in holy matrimony. Yes, the irony is not lost on me. 

AW CONGRATS GUYS <3333 The wizard tower is so small and family un-friendly and Olivia is so unmaternal but come on, like I’m not gonna have her reproduce with a fucking dragon.

Back to Spainot, we’ve hit a slight bump, mainly that this Snordwich lord is proving fucking impossible to torture. 

-Um.. Are you enjoying this??? -Sure am, bad boy, but why don’t we take this somewhere more private already?

Wtf, stop sexually harassing the innocent person who’s torturing you! Does no one around here have any sense of humanity anymore??

-Come on, Spainot, throw some flesh-eating rodents at him! -I’M BUILDING UP TO IT, RAE, GAWD. No one likes a back-seat torturer!

-HA, who’s the loser now, Rodolfo? Rodolfo?? RODOLFO

Ya Spai I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m pretty sure he left while you were interrogating, I haven’t seen him in like 3 days.

-WHAT. So Olivia completes one achievement and gets a dragon wife and a magic skeletal bird and I complete three and get dumped?!

Well what do you want from me, I don’t make the rules!

-YES YOU DO

Can we move on, please? And Olivia had a very rough go of it-

-she got burned in some rando quest and looked positively karma-stricken after, inferno-ing left and right while sporting this look! She deserves a magic bird!

Congrats on your success and 4 kids, Olivia! 

-I love this skeleton bird more than I thought it possible to ever love something.

-Gee, thanks mom. 

We had leftover bones so here, Spainot, you get a magic bird too.

-A bone parrot is little comfort when you’ve lost the only bone that matters! Why Rodolfo, whyyyyy!!!!!!!!!

Oh I don’t know, probably because you challenged him to duels 3 times a day?

-No, that can’t be it.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but you look like a man who has nothing to live for?

-Yea, I certainly don’t.

So you wouldn’t mind like, jumping into the pit multiple times so you can get the parts we need for the hardest achievement in game aka Legendary Doomsword?

-Rodolfo had one of those too, it was legendary and now that it’s gone I’m doomed!!!

Ok ya ENOUGH metaphors about Rodolfo’s absent penis, although they really are writing themselves. We’ll get him back! If you survive all the pit jumping that is. Join us next time for part 2: Legendary Doomsword!

[ickymichi]

𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝.

a tendou satori x reader series.

✟ there’s always been the one rule every person who’s been in a band knows not to break, never mess around with your band mates. but Satori was sick of the groupies, sick of catching the bra’s and panties that were flung at him every night. he just wanted the one thing he couldn’t have.

✟ warnings: swearing, eventual smut, eventual angst(?), drug use, inappropriate themes, comedy.

✟ things to know: band au!, some timeskip careers mentioned, slow updates.

✟ if you’d like to be added to the taglist just send an ask! <3

✟ word count: 1.8k

✟ note: first actual chapter of this series! it’s nothing big but obviously i wanted to get something written for this series! but i hope you enjoy my dears! reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

all contents belongs to k1ttykawa 2021. please do not repost or modify on this or any other platform.

.:previous:.

.:next:.

.:masterlist:.

𝟎𝟎𝟐:. 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲𝐜𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬

The bright lights and screams from the small crowd in the underground venue was what brings you back down from the high you’re always on whenever you sit on the small bouncing stool behind the drum set on stages every second or third night. You heard Semi thanking everyone for coming and whatever shit he always says. Once you seen him bow and Tendou go to pick up the collection of bra’s and panties thrown on stage, you raised a hand and threw one of the drumsticks into the crowd, your own way of saying goodbye before making your way offstage. Semi and Tendou’s tall frames following behind, the same order as always.

The sweat was pouring out of you, tonight being more of a wilder one than the usual calm sets you’ve been having in bars or party’s recently. they were easy money, but they got boring after just a few hours. so all three of you were in desperate need of a night like tonight.

Turning the corner of the small, dark corridor to your dressing room for tonight you were met with the stench of weed, 3 different girls on the beat up leather couch, a rolled joint in one of the girls hands and white lines on a tray to the others left. Like always, you went straight to the showers to get the scent of sweat and fake smoke of you.

You really don’t know when but the cropped black tank top you had on was ripped down one side but your usual headband you sported every show was missing and it now became you new priority to track it down. “Satori! Where the fuck is my headband?” you stomped back out to see the wanted man desperately trying to pull the tight leather pants down his lanky legs. His head was whipped up to at the sound of your annoyed voice and then quickly darted his eyes over to the blonde that had previously rolled the joints and was now fawning over semi and his revealed tattoos. “oi” was all you muttered out behind her and holding out your empty hand—also noting some of your rings were gone. She turned her head to you with a scowl covering her features, which also revealed your missing accessory that caused your distress. “that’s her bandana and she’s quite obviously looking for it back,” Tendou quipped in making every one bar the girl laugh. After time, she untied it from the back and forcefully placed it back in your hand. Dramatically you held your arm, acting as if she pained you, tendou again laughing with you.

Finally you were able to hop into the shower and quickly get your self freshened and rub the accesses makeup off your eyes that was already smudged from your constant wiping, trying to stop the sweat dripping from your hairline.

“(y/n)!! please help me out of these, semisemi just keeps fucking laughing!” the peace and quiet you had was quickly interrupted by Tendou’s loud whining. “how the fuck am I not supposed to laugh when your walking around with them swinging around your ankles and your dick hanging out?” “what, Its out?!”

The large door separating the bathroom from the connected dressing room swung open and revealed Satori with his leathers pooled at his ankles and— surprising his dick not actually ‘hanging out’. “please help me sugartits, they’re fucking stuck even with my skinny ankles,” he hopped onto the counter and held his legs up for you to guide them off him. “well for starters, take your fucking shoes off!, and also I swear i saw these in the women’s section of some online store?” jokingly you shouted at him and moved to untie the doc martin’s around his feet. “yeah? You probably did, stole them from that chick that wouldn’t stop hanging off me last month,” both of you laughing at his silliness and falling into a comfortable silence.

The only noise was the voices off the others in the separate room and a recognisable Mötley Crüe song shaking the floor from the stage.

“what you think of tonight then?” the silence being broken by Satori like usual. “uhhh, it was definitely something but yeah, it was fun. Its nice to have a night like that every now and then, specially since we’ve just been in bars doing the same covers for the past two weeks. What about you huh?” he hummed, a noise of agreement showing he was listening, a habit you grew to learn. “I guess it was good fun yeah, although I didn’t appreciate nearly getting hit with a dildo within the first two songs. But I agree, it’s nice to do our own shit and not covers in a bar with a bunch of middle age boring shits. I think we’ve another show that’ll probably be like this again on Saturday.”

Saturday, today was Thursday so you’ve a nice day or two to just lie around, the other probably filled with travelling and setting up.

After about 10 minutes you had unlaced both his boots and chucked them onto the floor and not too long later his ‘borrowed’ pants joined them. “thanks chicken, lifesaver as always,” he pulled you into an embrace with one arm before leaving to find his spare clothes in the other room. He did always have the weirdest nicknames.

The night bled into the early hours of the morning, Semi and Tendou both getting their share of the girls there while you kicked your feet up, sparking up a conversation and passing the joints with your friend Taichi who was also your ‘manager’, he wasn’t really he just acted like it when venues would ask important questions and tagged along for the free show and nights at different clubs.

He was also the one who suggested you start moving to the motel down the street for the night before the venue boots you all out. Quickly you agreed, not fancying seeing any more glimpses of your friends and strangers body parts. Obviously the girls whined to the boys, asking if they could come, saying it’s dangerous for girls to walk home alone at night, “sorry ladies, but we’ll be sharing a bed tonight and I don’t fancy getting an unwanted facial on a Thursday night,” you butted into their persuasive conversation by wrapping an arm around the boys from the back of the couch and giving a friendly smile.

By the time you all got your equipment packed away and into the van it was nearing 4:30 in the morning and you, quite literally we’re going to fall into the bed. It wasn’t the nicest of places but you were just spending tonight and the next two there, unless you decided to go out after the shows and find some rando’s condo to spend the night in. All three of you pushed your way into the small room trying to get the edges of the double bed. And it wasn’t easy trying to squeeze through two 6’2 lean men, resulting in you again stuck in the middle of them staring at the blank roof, desperately waiting for the sun to rise so you could find some place to get food and away from the mess of limbs under the covers.

When you did wake up it felt like you’d only slept for two hours, when in reality it had been about 10. The afternoon sun melting through the old curtains and falling into your pillow. As you moved to see what had finally woke you from the deep sleep you saw Semi at the small table, his guitar resting on his knees and his worn, nimble fingers scribbling words on his notebook he kept for when lyrics would come to him.

“mornin’ early bird,” all you could let out was a groan, your mind still coming to its senses. “there’s food n’ shit there Satori went out to get it, we was the first up, surprisingly,” he breathed out the last remark before moving to pick up the red pencil and get back to writing lyrics before they left his head.

The food that Tendou got was still warm so he must’ve of been up long before you anyway. “where is he?” “beats me, probably wandering round like always,” quickly he responded and took the pic from between his teeth and started strumming a tune while humming, what you were guessing, was the lyrics on the page.

Letting your curiosity get the better of you, you pulled your phone from where it was connected to the wall by the charger and found Satori’s contact and pressed the call icon, moving away from the sound of Eita and his guitar you went to go outside and sit on the bench outside your rooms window.

“hello, hello,” his ever cheerful voice filled the speakers of your phone that was wedged between your shoulder and ear. “hey, I was just calling to see where you are that’s all,” you piped up when he went quiet, tutting when you realised you were out of cigarettes. “oh you know, just out sightseeing ‘tis all,” “cool cool, well i’m going to the store now you need anything?” he hummed into the phone, indicating that he was thinking of something he needed. “just cigs I guess and get me that drink I like while there, i’ll pay you later,” bidding him goodbye as the small shop on the corner came into view you slipped your phone into your sweatpants pocket and walked to the back where they kept the energy drinks.

Exiting the shop with everything you needed you walked to make your way back till you saw a familiar head of red locks across the street and quickly, but quietly made your way to his figure.

Sneaking up behind him and wrapping your arms around his middle, feeling his ribs press into your arms, something you’ve noted recently. He sucked air into his lungs and jumped slightly before laughing with you. “here you go your highness,” was how you greeted him and chucked him his requested items. “thanks muffincake, i’ll pay you back later I swear,” you scoffed and shook his offer off, suggesting you stroll around the city until Semi called either of you to ‘get your sorry asses back to the room’.

Your stroll progressed into a very long walk and by the time Satori suggested you head back with an arm around your shoulder it was already dark, the night life staring to come out of hiding. eyeing a club across the street you thought might be a good shout to visit in case you three got bored tonight, making a mental note of its location.

“Didn’t Semisemi say we need to go over the set list again cause, someone, messed up last night,” a sing-song voice dragged you out of your club browsing and brought a scowl to your face. “excuse me, you’re the one who told me we were doing ‘nasty’ after the interlude, prick,” he pulled his chin up and started to ‘think’ about your accusation before loudly dubbing it false; “nope, I don’t recall doing such a thing. I could never, but if it boots your already sky high ego then, of course I did my dearest apologies baby cakes,” “do you ever shut up,” “when i’m face first in pus-” “Don’t even!”

t a g l i s t: @evan-rose @elianetsantana @weebintheinternet @kuroos-roosterhead

please lmk if i missed you if your not there! <3

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

AIGHT Y’ALL I wasn’t tagged but I’m doing this anyways because f u c k  i t

It's the year 2021 and you're obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?

Deadasss weird as fuck, my dude. Like...out of all the things I could’ve predicted happening in our lord’s year 2021, it definitely was NOT getting hyperfixated on a hammy gay ship with a punk and a nerd from a goddamn karate soap opera. And yet...here we are??? I will never understand hyperfixations, my guy. But I’ve met a lot of really cool people in this fandom, so I can’t really complain.

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?

I have never seen a single Karate Kid movie in my entire life. When I was a kid, it looked kinda dumb so I never got into it XD But then I saw my roommate watching Cobra Kai on Youtube Red one day (he has every streaming service known to man) and I was hooked. And...here I am!

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character:  

Literally EVERYONE except for Kreese, Yasmine, Kyler, and Tory, sorry stans

Okay but if we gotta pick, Johnny Lawrence is my Problematic Fave. Also I love my boy Daniel, he’s trying his best!!! And Amanda LaRusso, we stan a queen!!!

Among the kids, definitely Miguel, with Demetri as a close second. I also love Sam, Aisha, Moon, and Hawk (pre- and post-Bastardization Arc, anyways XD)!

Favorite ship:  

Take a look at my username and take a WILD FUCKING GUESS lmao Yes it’s Eli/Demetri because DUH, every interaction they have is so fucking gay and Eli fucking saved him!!! And came back to him!!! And betrayed the world’s most terrifying dojo with a WAR CRIMINAL SENSEI all for Demetri!!! And how Demetri was willing to forgive him for everything at the drop of a hat because he always had faith there was still good in his best friend??? That’s TRUE LOVE motherfuckers. Please let them kiss in Season 4. I will sell you all of my limbs. Sam/Miguel is a close second because they’re cute as shit and it’s just so lovely to see two people so unapologetically smitten with each other. They are in LOVE, and I will RIOT if they break up again!!! Keep Sam and Miguel together 2k21!!!

Underrated character:

SAMANTHA LARUSSO!!! The amount of hate my girl gets for acting like a normal teenager and fucking up occasionally JUST like the rest of the cast makes me want to start punching things. She cares SO MUCH about her friends!!! And she loves the shit out of Miguel!!! She hasn’t always been the best friend but you know what??? Neither has Hawk, and we still forgave his ass!!! Also LET HER BE FEMININE but also kick utter ass, my god!!! Femininity should not be synonymous with being weak, y’all! ALSO DEMETRI, like yes, he likes to complain and occasionally run his mouth, but guess what else he likes to do??? Never give up on the love of his life his best friend Eli Moskowitz and refuse to lose faith in him no matter how much of a little shit he’s become, and I for one think that’s very badass of him. Also the way he takes care of Eli pre-Cobra Kai in his own snarky bastard way makes me absolutely Weak and needs more appreciation. Like the dude has charisma and COULD have probably made other friends and left Eli behind if he wanted, but did he??? No, he wants the weepy loser with the lip scar in the polo shirts and dorky sweaters and will protect him as much as his wimpy ass is able!!!

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):  

Among the adults, Daniel/Amanda!!! Like maybe I just don’t watch that much tv, but it seems kinda rare to me to see a happily married hetero couple, and it’s just nice to see a married couple who genuinely love each other and where there’s not like...lingering resentment or some shit. I feel like this ship gets overshadowed by Lawrusso a lot (which like--okay, fair!!! Daniel and Johnny do have a ridiculous amount of chemistry, and the gay undertones are undeniable, so I get it), and it makes me kinda sad. I do love Lawrusso, but I don’t like when Amanda has to get her heart broke for it to happen, you feel? Among the kids, honestly YasMoon. Like I really love the idea of Yasmine trying to better herself because of Moon’s influence on her and because Moon like...inspires her to be a better person, I guess? With their pretty strong friendship, it just makes more sense to me for Yasmine to get a redemption arc through Moon than through Demetri. ALSO girls DO often pull the whole “mean girl” shtick to cover up being closeted lesbians, and Moon IS canonically bi, so it could work!!! I just think this one could be a really interesting Friends to Lovers take, and could make a really nice coming-out arc for Yas. And MoonPiper too, honestly!!! Like they only got 5 seconds of screentime so I understand WHY it’s underrated, but I still love what we DID get and loved that there was a canon gay ship (even if only for 1 scene lmao). I’m really excited to potentially see more of them in Season 4!!! Please, I’m begging!!!

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?

Sweep the Leg because it will always be deeply hilarious to me how Demetri took note of the first move Eli ever used on him and spent presumably weeks perfecting it OUT OF SPITE just to get him back with it at the soccer game MONTHS later. Just goes to show how OBSESSED Demetri is with Eli and their little karate rivalry which is just NOT straight, I’m sorry

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?

There’s something so funny about this pretentious little fuck walking around in fancy suits once he becomes a #SuccessfulBusinessman, and still occasionally trying to do karate in a full-ass suit (take THAT, Tom Cole’s boba!!!) I’m also a big fan of how he looks in his gi with his little headband. Still killing that look as a 40-50-something!!!

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver:

Tbh I have still never seen a single Karate Kid movie (they took them off of Netflix, RIP), so...I don’t really care if they bring anyone else back??? I’m invested in the characters we already have in the show, I don’t need some rando from the movies to make a cameo to have a good time XD The only character I really wanted them to bring back was Ali, and they already did, so like...I’m good??? That’s all I really needed, I can die in peace now XD

Scene that lives in your head rent-free:

Basically any fluffy Elimetri scene, but 5 in particular: ~Miguel first meeting Eli and Demetri at the lunch table, and Eli looking at Demetri like he hung every goddamn star in the sky ~Demetri going off at a terrifying, “unhinged” karate sensei on the first day of Cobra Kai because he made fun of Eli’s lip and Demetri is not about that shit ~ELI STEALING DEMETRI’S NACHO AND SMIRKING AT HIM, LIKE EXCUSE ME SIR PLEASE BE A LITTLE LESS HOMOSEXUAL IN FRONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND ~Eli yanking Demetri onstage during Valley Fest to hold a board, and Demetri being visibly like...extremely turned on when Eli breaks said board ~ELI SAVING DEMETRI DURING THE CHRISTMAS FIGHT, ELI APOLOGIZING, DEMETRI AND ELI KICKING COBRA ASS TOGETHER AKSBDCUWYVCBU

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?

I hope not! He’s kind of a funny meme character to pop up now and again but I don’t think he deserves a serious plotline when there are so many more interesting characters to follow.

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?

Miyagi-Do because Cobra Kai would eat me alive. Also I’d probably straight up get stuck and die in that cement mixer, if I even made it that far XD Besides, being salty that your friend who you have a crush on likes martial arts better than you and starting martial arts to impress them but also being too lazy to join anything TOO intense is a Big Mood and I am certainly not speaking from personal experience here, no sirree

What’s your training montage song?

"Shut Up and Drive” by Rihanna for a weight-training and bicep-flexing montage, “Whatever It Takes” by Imagine Dragons for a more intense punching-and-kicking-shit montage. I don’t know why this is, I just feel it in my heart.

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?

*Briefly panics because I don’t actually watch that much TV and most of the stuff I do watch is fantasy/sci fi shit that absolutely would not work for a CK crossover*

Hmmmm okay but ACTUALLY

You know what would be fucking funny as hell would be an It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia crossover. Allow me to elaborate: ~The Gang goes to LA on vacation during the height of the Karate Dojo Wars. They literally can get barely anything done without all these goddamn karate-fighting teenagers getting in the way. ~They are all very annoyed by this. Even the most obscure of tourist attractions is eventually intercepted by karate fights. ~Mac tries to join Cobra Kai because he sees all this karate fighting on, and wants to unquestionably prove both his badassery and masculinity. Both Johnny and Kreese are like “Wtf are you doing here? Aren’t you like 30?” ~Mac gets a planet-sized crush on Johnny after all of 5 minutes and endlessly gushes to the gang about him. The gang mercilessly roast him about this and about how much of a pathetic loser with his life together in no way whatsoever Johnny sounds like. They proceed to have exactly 0 self awareness about this. ~The Waitress is in town visiting family or something, and Charlie is stalking her, as per usual. However, every time he’s about to go up and talk to her, a pack of battling Miyagi-Dos and Cobra Kais throwing punches and kicks everywhere blocks his path. One times, Mac is among one of these packs and Charlie is like “???? He didn’t get kicked out of that teen karate dojo yet???” ~Seeing how much the Kids These Days seem to like fighting, Charlie drops by a local high school to try and sell Fight Milk to the kids doing karate. Only Kyler and Brucks buy into it, and subsequently get the entire West Valley High wrestling team sick. Charlie is inevitably arrested, as Counselor Blatt thinks he’s selling the kids drugs. ~Dennis makes a plan to have sex with every hot chick he can in Los Angeles. He meets Ali on a dating app post-divorce, and inevitably tries to bang her. It doesn’t work. ~Frank crashes the rental car, and inevitably the gang ends up at one of Daniel’s dealerships. Dee quickly takes a liking to Daniel and is like “Watch, assholes--Imma homewreck this guy’s marriage.” She starts frequenting the dealerships to attempt to flirt with Daniel, until one day she walks in on him having sex with Johnny in a back room and she’s like “Is that the guy from Mac’s goddamn dojo?!?!” ~Dennis, of course, tries to sleep with Amanda. Amanda is not having it, and rebukes him in the most snarky, Amanda-esque way possible. Dennis is just like “Oh not AGAIN--the women in this goddamn diva city have too high of standards!” ~Later on, the gang is at the beach and Dennis spots the blonde lady he went out on an ill-fate date with, and decides to give it another shot--that is, until he sees her go up and kiss another woman and he’s like “IS THAT THE LADY FROM THE CAR DEALERSHIP??? STUPID-KARATE-KICK-COMMERCIAL’S WIFE?!? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.” ~Dee complains to Dennis about her lack of luck getting laid, and Dennis is just like “Oh come ON, is everyone in Los Angeles gay???” Smash cut to Hawk and Demetri having sex, Moon and Piper making out, Bert and Nate holding hands, Chris and Mitch doing oral, and Amanda, Ali, and Carmen having a threesome. ~Frank tries to scam Kreese into buying cheaply-made karate equipment for his dojo. The gang ends up having to leave LA because Kreese is quite literally plotting all of their murders.

For tagging, uuuuhhhhhh @jackonthelongwalk @soe-leo @max-eagle-fang @cc-tinslebee @backawayfromthegay @asphodel-storm do the thing, if y’all haven’t yet!

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR

i mean i only had three weeks to get it done so naturally i’m finishing it three days before the next ep airs, would you expect anything less?

Ok we start off hot with a subtly jealous Nick scene and I love it. Ellie is like stunned that such a thing even exists “a covid crush” because lets be honest, she probably has no eyes for anyone else at this point - even if it’s been a YEAR (well 10ish months) a whole ass YEAR since the jail cell scene and can I just tell you I am mad about that. Why they do us dirty and skip a whole dang year?? Why can’t we quick flash forward every couple of months?? I mean I know it has felt like an entire year has gone by in a week, RIP 2020 no one will miss you, but like I wanted to see it 😩 and I better get at least some kind of explanation for whatever the F has gone down between these two from “well what are we gonna to about that as we stand 5 inches apart” to now. I demand this explanation. 

Anyways, back on track here - Nick is jealllllllous BUT different kind of jealous for this man because for once he’s not all dark and broody about it. He’s over here willingly, *willingly* bringing up said jealousy aaaand he’s smiling about it (!!!) because despite them still not being together (where’s the Gibbs’ headslap when you actually need it amiright) he’s not worried about this crush. He knows her feelings and his so it’s like yeah I’m a little jealous but also I’m gooood, I got this one in the bag 😏 (also can I just say I need Ellie to show him he does not in fact ‘have this in the bag’ if he’s gonna act like a little shit and push her away). 

This whole thing about babysitting and not wanting to take care of other living beings is very very very interesting considering they both loved taking care of Charlie (Cody, I blame this on pregnancy brain thank you @thekeyboardninja) in the end AND EVEN TALKED ABOUT PARENTING EVENTUALLY. So like, where did we backtrack??? Excuse me who allowed you to do such things. I’m feeling like they likely backtracked (this was s16 after all) because once again, the dust settled after their super close vulnerable moment and they went and hid behind those stupid walls they both have and somehow convinced themselves that being alone was better for them. IT’S A LIE YALL IT’S A LIE. You being together and taking care of each other is exactly what you need and it’ll be perfect and amazing and just DO IT ALREADY 😭

The team moment with Jimmy is so 🥺 and throughout the episode. I’m not going to touch on that stuff much because this is ellick focused but also because I truly do not need to sob again (even if I called Breena dying from covid like months ago and knew exactly what was coming with all of it but you know, I still cry, it’s fine, I’m fine). 

Ellie knowing Gibbs uses a weighted blanket and Nick doubting her is just comical to me 😂 mini side note before we get into how they have a thiiiiiing and it’s called always getting dibs on the elevator in tandem for months and McGee HOW CAN YOU NOT TELL. These two are so in sync even if they are still spectacularly failing at talking this out & taking that next step. Also months of Gibbs riding down the elevator with just those two…….the third wheeling must be slowly killing the old dude, give him a break you two. 

Tell me why these two have the exact same stance in the bullpen- could you be more obvious?? You rubbing off on each other. And then the walking up to the barbershop scene I caaaan’t. Ellie is SO flirty. Like so flirty. Who is this new Ellie and why do I love her so much. But Nick gives it right back too and her little giggle with shoulder shrug is just perfect. She’s fiiiiinally letting herself *feel* more and let it be out in the open and it’s just so great. I love seeing this character development for her 🥺 walls coming down, being more forward with her flirting and feelings and it’s all I’ve ever needed. Also we’re gonna take a small detour into Nick’s pants I mean the notebook he casually stashes in the front of his jeans like it doesn’t make a person look RIGHT. THERE. Don’t ask me why it’s hot, I don’t know the answers to the universe, it just is. We knoooooow Ellie is loving it’s location there, she wouldn’t mind flirtatiously taking it out at the next stop to “check” where they needed to go. You know, just helping a partner out- don’t worry Nick she’s got it handled 😏😏🔥🔥 Ok back from our detour, when Nick asks if she’s got him and she answers so quickly and almost with the undercurrent of “of course I do how is that even a question I’ll protect you until the day I die” (yes this is what she says), I love. 

Ok since when does Nick like puzzles and how does Ellie know this??? He was most certainly NOT a puzzle kind of guy when he first joined the team so are you telling me that maybe Ellie and her nerdiness (come on there’s no way she doesn’t love puzzles) got Nick into puzzles??? Also also also does everyone remember that time in covid lockdown where literally everyone and their mother did five thousand puzzles because we couldn’t leave our houses? Soooooo is this a nod to Ellie & Nick spending some time together doing puzzles (at presumably Ellie’s apartment because she’d be the one to have said puzzles) and turns out Nick loves them even more than she did???? Is this what you’re making me read in between the lines NCIS? Because I am most certainly ok with this. 

Ooooooooh-kay this 8pm thing for Nick. SO many possibilities. It’s been confirmed it wasn’t Ellie (which I won’t lie was my immediate wish) via Steven Binder on twitter (which I also won’t lie, my angst heart loves it’s something else). My take is it’s something (not another girl though) personal- I would *love* if it was therapy or some type of personal development thing. I think he realizes over the past year he has involuntarily retreated emotionally from Ellie even if outwardly it doesn’t show (no personal space and continued flirting). I think he *knows* he’s doing it emotionally and yet can’t figure out how to stop himself from doing it- like on the outside of his body watching him make a dumb mistake but unable to change a damn thing. SO I feel like whatever this 8pm thing is will play into that. It’ll somehow be related to Nick diving deeper into himself and trying to get more in touch with the parts of himself he loves to ignore/hide/push down. That could be therapy, a self-help class, getting in touch with family (but I don’t think he would feel the need to get secretive about this. i mean he already brought up Lucia to this dude, why would he all of a sudden be ashamed of a dinner/meeting with his mom or dad or something? i just don’t buy that). But anyways back to the point- it’s something Nick feels the need to hide in shame because that’s how he’s been conditioned as an undercover agent who feels the need to be tough and strong for everyone and being vulnerable is WAY too scary (helloooooo enneagram 8 nice to meet you I’m also an enneagram 8 Nick isn’t it fun). 

I don’t know why them talking so casually on the phone, while Nick is getting ready for the day no less is so damn pleasing to me. The simple domesticity of it all because it’s totally something one would do with their spouse is just 🥰🥰 And then their little freaking smiles can THEY NOT. Ellie you like glazed donuts?? Is this some kind of hint? Innuendo? Just a glaringly obvious chance to flirt and you don’t give a rat’s ass you’re in the middle of the bullpen with Gibbs’ listening to your conversation so you’ll take that chance anyways because you’re head over heels for this guy? Either way Nick’s little smirk oof. I think he takes it as all three of those things and he’s *perfectly* ok with it. UNTIL until, there’s always an until with you Nicholas god damn. Ellie nervously asking about NIck’s apartment 🥺 she may be head over heels but she’s still a little shy and unsure. She thought that jail cell moment would break things through for them and yet she’s- not to quote Taylor swift or anything because why on earth would I do that- right where you left her. WHY NICHOLAS WHY. Since we know Ellie has seen and is very familiar with the inner workings of Nick’s apartment come 16x10, I presume he moved, and it sounds like recently. From the looks of this new place it’s niiiiice. For someone who doesn’t like a lot of things (see s14 when he joins team I don’t remember the exact ep sorry) - he sure managed to settle into that apartment quite nicely. It’s furnished well, it’s homey for DC. And if he’s moved into it since after the jail cell, letting Ellie in is likely a big step in his eyes. But we know this has got to be a weird shift for Ellie. Seemingly so comfortable in each others’ spaces and now she hasn’t even been invited over?? Yeah you smell something fishy girl just like I do. Even if Nick has a cute ass smirk at the end of his little charade to hang up the phone. Wipe that smirk off your face sir you owe us I mean Ellie an explanation and a visit to your apartment. SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR HOUSEGUEST. SHE WANTS TO BE IN YOUR HOUSE. SHE WANTS TO BE IN YOUR PANTS WHILE IN THAT HOUSE. JUST LET HER ALREADY. Ok I’m done, moving on. 

Ok the guys opening the doors dramatically to let the one (1) woman on the team make a super badASS entrance is just 🔥🔥🔥 yes love it. 

Excuse me why does Ellie feel the need to completely turn her body from the rest of the team/bullpen to be 100% faced on Nick. Body language don’t lie bitch I see you. And Nick stealing a glance at Ellie before having to answer McGee’s question about roommates…..interesting, very interesting sir. You thinking about how she’s going to react to some rando being in your apartment AND staying the night before she has?? You thinking about making her a permanent roommate?? But of course he turns to quick humor for a hot sec because this is Nick and then shockingly, like actually shockingly (is this that personal development, soul-searching, deep dive into emotional wonderland rubbing off on him??? Is it working is this foreshadowing???) he goes and gets deep on ‘em. And McGee calls him on it and I love it, I really think this is some foreshadowing here. I think we’re seeing some of the work Nick is doing on himself, getting himself ready for as serious as a relationship as he knows it’ll be with Ellie, paying off. He’s thinking about ~*emotional*~ consequences to actions and OOF yes. The growth, I live for the fucking growth. “It’s not easy to get through the tough transitions on your own” you say as you literally tried to do that for actual YEARS until you met this team. Until you met Ellie. Until you realized that emotional fallout was a real thing and you my friend are a terrible victim to it. Because guess what- exhibit A is right here about to ask you to dinner and you gonna turn her down. You quite literally tried to get through a tough transition (re: Ellie’s kidnapping & the two bombs) by yourself. That dust settled and you immediately emotionally retreated, not physically- emotionally. You went back to what you always knew, the lone wolf on your own, endure the tough transition. And yes you’ve been doing some work on yourself, but now- now you realize it. You can’t do work on yourself alone. You can’t go through this shit alone. You need your support system- your person. But that thought truly terrifies you. You’ve realized it but are you ready to act on it? Not quite yet. You might be close, but you still can’t bring yourself to be honest with her yet. When Ellie nervously asks Nick if he wants to grab a bite you can feel her start to (it’s probably been there quite a while but she’s tried to ignore the feeling of him emotionally shutting her out and pushing her away but the houseguest thing brought it back full force) really worry about where they stood. She won’t completely admit it to herself because she knows what was said in the jail cell wasn’t a lie or a dramatization for either of them, but that worry that’s been creeping in like a vine is taking hold. Nick saying “there’s something I need to take care of” hmmmmm I feel like this is SO vague. And probably purposely done so by the writers but I just - if it was solely him bringing the dude back to his daughter’s why wouldn’t he just tell Ellie that? What would be the harm in her knowing this? She’s aware you’ve bonded so why would he not just say that? I feel like there was definitely something else he thought he would go do after it. With all the talk of tough transitions and then his obviously pre-made plans to drop this guy off, I just feel like there was some other task he had planned before McGee called him. And him discussing the reset button (I’ll get to this) just kind of solidifies that for me. He’d been doing a LOT of reflection that day and he had something more major planned, I just wish I knew what 😩 Ok back to Ellie’s response, she’s honestly shocked and a little confused at his ominously vague answer. And I’d wager a tiny bit of hurt is in that expression too. All those vines of worry taking hold? Yeah, that’s why. They even just tightened and made her speechless for a second. The emotional withdrawal she feared was being confirmed in front of her very eyes. Because (at least on our screens) the last time Nick turned down a bite to eat with her? Oh yeah, he was dating fucking Elena. (Once again, I don’t think he’s got another girl but y’all this is the parallel Ellie could easily draw seeing as it was only a few months ago, supposedly.) And he even looks almost guilty about turning her down, like he knows it’s probably hurting her (and their relationship) but he can’t help it. He hates that he’s doing it and the words coming from his mouth (good lord it’s like the end of 17x07 with overprotective/you’re like a sister to me all over again) but he can’t stop it. And then my heart breaks for Ellie when she tries to put on a brave, strong face that claims she isn’t bothered by his rejection yet we all knoooooow 😭😭😭 He gives her a small little “night” and she’s just standing there wondering where the hell she went wrong with this, how she read them all wrong. 

Ahhhhh the glorious reset button, ya love to see it. When he claims he has the opposite problem you can see his faraway look in his eye. You know *exactly* what, or better yet who, he’s thinking about in that moment. He knows he has to stop avoiding his emotional growth with Ellie. He knows he has to stop hitting the reset button the second things between them get real. And I think he’s known this for a while now but is finally, finally coming to grips with taking real steps forward. Taking steps to embrace the vulnerability he’s terrified of. Finally putting that reset button away 🥺

Ellie knowing Nick has one tie is just another swoon moment. Yes I could get dirty with that (see my tags on previous gifsets for proof) but like, also this is so real of them? They know so damn much about each other it’s insane. She may not have even been in his apartment yet but she knows he owns one tie. Like- come on. Nick you think you’re emotionally distant from this woman but my god it’s the opposite. You two are so intertwined you don’t even realize it as you chuckle and try once again to avoid thinking about that reset button. And then Jimmy goes and reads that letter and I sob. Yes I sobbed. Like I said not getting into this part because my pregnancy hormones can’t handle this (I’m barely rewatching this part with audio ok). But Jimmy’s words voiced over a shot of ellick…take my heart why don’t you. “To hear a laugh, and know that your life would change for ever” like come ON. First, Jimmy you slay me and second, all I can picture is Ellie chuckling with Nick in the bullpen showing him the clicker settings and Nick loving it. Nick your life would be changed forever in that moment I hope you knew. Ellie, pulling her arm around Nick’s for strength, support, I just-. Despite the turmoil she’s been going through, the doubts and the worry that’s crept in- she still feels it. She still feels love for this man and knows her life was changed forever when she met him. No matter how long she tried to deny it, she knows. And that little piece of her that desperately clings to Nick getting his head out of his ass and opening up emotionally to her, that piece decides to break that sliver of personal space and lean on him for support. She needs to touch him- the man who she can’t picture losing like Jimmy lost Breena. She needs to feel him still there, even if he hasn’t completely realized his life changed forever because of her- she has. Gripping his arm for the comfort it gives in knowing he’s still by her side, his hand brushing hers as an involuntary “I’ve got you” (even a reset button pusher like Nick can’t help his reflexes). The gravity of the fragility of life weighing heavily on them both, they hold each other. They’ve got each other. And good god is that poetry we just need them to actually fucking TALK ABOUT IT 😩😭

I don’t know if I even have side notes but I do appreciate NCIS paying homage to the utter grief this pandemic has been. Jimmy being the one to lose a loved one was quite honestly the perfect scenario to me. It shows just how cruel this pandemic has been, ripping even the most optimistic, happy people down to their knees in grief. It’s something that shouldn’t be glossed over and I do hope they continue to have this arc of struggling with grief throughout the season. I think it is so relatable and refreshing to see played out legitimately on the screen. I don’t want happy, go-lucky stale content. I want something real and something tangible. Yes I love my mindless entertainment, but it’s also nice to see *real* drama on a TV drama. At least, that’s my opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d apologize but isn’t that why you’re reading this to begin with? 😘😘

[wherethewordsare]

Dinners, Disasters, and Desserts

For @thetinymm <3

He wasn’t even supposed to be there that evening, but there he sat, menu at his elbow, already read a dozen times as he had waited for his date. His date that was obviously not coming. This was the last time he let Lambert set him up. They never went well. But at least he seemed to be having a better night than the guy in the booth behind him. 

“I just don’t understand why we have to keep coming back to this place, Jask. The food isn’t even that good.” A haughty annoyed man ranted. This “Jask” only sighed and seemed to turn back to their menu. “You don’t even have a favorite dish that brings you back here. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you order the same thing twice.” 

“Some of us enjoy adventure, Valdo.” Jask’s tone could have just as easily conveyed the passing of a train, an obvious and easily recognizable event. Geralt had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from laughing. 

“And some of us have actual taste, Jaskier. Or has that gone along with your sense of humor too, recently?”

The plan had formulated before Geralt could talk himself out of it. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but suddenly, the need to save this Jaskier fellow was more powerful than his previous annoyance at being stood up. Again. Damn it, Lambert. 

“If you’re so-”

Geralt turned in his seat, leaning over and seeing that the man Jaskier was in the seat right behind him, given the voice. He made a show of tapping his shoulder and putting on his most charming smile, which at most, just passed for a smirk. 

“I’m so sorry to interrupt,” He mimicked the voice he had heard Eskel using so many times with the bartenders he always seemed to hit on. “But did I hear right that you’ve tried almost everything on the menu?” He made sure to keep his eyes trained on Jaskier and found that it wasn’t very hard to do. “I was just sitting here trying to figure out what to order and, if that’s the case, I’m sure you’d have some fantastic insight as to what’s good.” 

He kept his voice as even as possible and his stare about as casual as he could muster. What he had not been expecting was that this Jaskier was going to be stunning with soft brown hair and the bluest eyes. There was a light in those eyes that spoke of mischief and a shared conspiracy. It delighted him.

“Well, my handsome friend, I must say, you’ve come to the right place.” This Jaskier gave a smile like a thousand-watt bulb and for a moment, Geralt was completely blinded. His date behind him made a displeased noise and Geralt only looked over Jaskier’s shoulder and glared daggers at him. 

“First, land or sea?” It was obvious he had caught the glare as he was beaming impossibly brighter over the back of their adjoining benches. A stray lock of hair was sliding down his brow and Geralt had to clench his hand so as not to reach over and fix it. 

“Hmm.” he made a show of taking his time to think about it. Mostly he was buying his time. The longer this conversation went, the better this night would get. A small brazen part of him just thought ‘Ask him to join you at your table and leave this Valdo fellow to huff in peace.’ He wasn’t feeling quite that brave yet. 

“Is that a thinking ‘hmm’ or a ‘how do I say both hmm’? Hmm?” 

“Honestly, Jaskier, leave the man alone. I thought we were on a date.” Valdo all but growled behind him. 

“Hmm.” Geralt looked up and shot more daggers towards Jaskier’s date, his jaw clicking shut. 

“Well that was definitely a ‘Mind your own business’ hmm, Valdo.” Jaskier hadn’t even looked behind himself, winking at Geralt. And suddenly, the brazen part seemed to win out. 

“You know, I realize what I could really go for is some dessert,” he made a show of looking down at the menu and frowning, “but it would seem that they don’t have gelato here. What do you think I should do about that?” That’s it Geralt, put the ball in his court. Nice and easy.

Jaskier bit his lip, his head ducking slightly and even in the low light of the restaurant, Geralt could see the pink on his ears. “Have you ever tried Magnolia’s?” It was soft, almost conspiratorial. 

“I have not,” he lied. Magnolia’s was a weekly favorite of his and Ciri’s. “Are they close by?”

“Jaskier! Honestly!” Valdo was once more ignored. 

“You know, it might just be easier if I show you.” Jaskier reached for his coat, turning to Valdo. “This was… this was what it was, Valdo. I’ll see you around.” He winked before sliding out of his booth and standing beside Geralt’s, offering his arm. “Shall we, darling.” 

Geralt had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing. He grabbed his coat and pulled his phone out to shoot a quick message to Lambert. “Saved but for the grace of some flirtatious scoundrel on an equally terrible date.” 

“Geralt, wtf does that mean!?” 

“Did you just pick up a rando at La Mond’s!?” 

“GERALT!?”

Geralt took Jaskier’s arm easily, finding it fit against his perfectly. He made sure to get the door for him and they walked to Magnolia’s Gelato down the way. 

“You seem awfully sure footed as to where we’re going for someone who has no idea where it is.” Jaskier commented, smirking. 

It brought Geralt up short and he laughed, pulling a slight grimace. “Would you have come with me anyways?” 

Jaskier pulled him to a stop, that beaming grin back in place, lighting up the whole street. “Oh, darling, I think I might just follow you anywhere.”

[milfbailorgana]

I posted it 

The urge to nest had been bothering Han for almost a week now. He knew, in the back of his head, that the urge meant he was in preheat, but he really wasn’t going to let himself hide in the Falcon for a week, pretending like he didn’t have things to do.

But the urge was overwhelming now. Han could feel it gnawing at the pit of his stomach, along with the beginnings of his heat; the feeling was a restless anxiety and restless urge to do something.

Huffing and getting up from where he was meant to be relaxing in the captain’s chair after fixing some faulty wiring in the Falcon’s cooling system, he walked down the corridor and pulled up the cover to one of the smuggling compartments with a grunt. It was empty, not having seen much use since he joined the rebellion. A little dusty but otherwise clean. Hidden. Safe.

Han dropped his pillow and blanket into the hole. If this is where Han’s hindbrain wanted him to spend his heat, who was Han to deny it. He’d come a long way from Corellia and Qi’ra and their singular bunk where anyone could walk in on her helping him through his heat, but it seemed his mind still hadn’t adjusted to the fact he was safe here. Well, as safe as one could be, in the rebellion.

Chewie was somewhere else on the base, which meant Han could raid his room. He wasn’t sure if it was unusual for an omega to want the scents of many different people around them, even non-humans, but his nests always felt the best when he could smell his family all around him. He grabbed Chewie’s blanket and pillow, standing for a minute to debate taking the fitted sheet but deciding against it. It was too much of a hassle and he had two new scents to add to his nest this heat, he would be fine without it.

He pressed his face into the pillow to take a deep inhale of Chewie’s scent, reveling in the familiar smell. Chewie smelled like motor oil and fur and something else that was distinctly Wookiee. It was what home had smelled like for the last ten years. Sighing, Han dropped Chewie’s things into the compartment and contemplated when he had last taken his birth control. It wasn’t yesterday, and certainly not the day before, but if he took two today, he’d be fine, right? It almost made Han long for his days in the imperial navy, where he was kept on heat suppressants, but he shuddered remembering how bad the heat afterward had been. Without Qi’ra he’d had to go to Lando, cramping and feeling slick drip down his thighs, hoping the man wouldn’t take advantage of him.

Grabbing Lando’s things was easy. He had never cleaned out his closet after Han took his ship and even though those clothes were almost ten years old by now, Lando liked to leave Han a shirt or cape whenever they spent time together. Whether Lando knew he brought them into his nest during heats or just left them around to mark his territory was unimportant; Han was grateful. Not that he’d ever tell Lando that. He grabbed the lilac cape that had been hung up in the closet a few months ago and pressed it to his nose, breathing in the scent of linen and something smoky that always followed Lando around before tossing it into the smuggling compartment.

Now, getting Luke and Leia’s scents in his nest would be more tricky. Neither of them stayed on the Falcon, and Han didn’t exactly know where they were staying, let alone their room codes. Plus, walking around the rebellion base smelling like he did was not Han’s idea of a good time.

His scent suppressants had gone missing over a tenday ago. Well— missing was relative. Chewie could probably find them if Han bothered to ask him to look, but his pride and the assurances he’d made to his hairy friend that ‘yes, I am going off my scent suppressors willingly, I think being drug free would be good for my system’ with his fingers crossed behind his back meant that wasn’t possible. Curse past him and his procrastination problem.

Comming Luke wouldn’t be a problem. Han was sure the beta would lend him a jacket or blanket or something if it would help Han through his heat, but the princess was a different story. She’d started giving him looks ever since he’d come off his scent suppressants and she had finally noticed he was an omega. If Han really thought about it, the looks might be about the fact he was in preheat and ignoring it, but it could just as easily be that as her thinking him less capable than another alpha or beta. Han wasn't very inclined to believe that someone who called Chewie a walking carpet on first introduction wasn’t probably a bigot in another way.

He rumbled in frustration— a noise he’d picked up from Chewie— stomping back to his room. He pulled out the stack of blankets Chewie had gotten him when they had first gotten the Falcon, just in case Han wanted to nest like a good omega should, rather than shacking up with a rando he’d picked up at a bar. If Han was honest with himself, he’d always preferred the heats he had on the Falcon. The familiar setting calmed something inside of him and Lando— the only alpha Han had ever let fuck him on the Falcon— was, admittedly, a good alpha. Too bad he was playing by the rules now. Not to mention, the last time they’d talked was... not pretty.

Han threw the blankets into the smuggling compartment and lowered himself inside after them. The compartment wasn’t exactly tall— the walls only came up to his armpits when he stood— but whatever his hindbrain wanted, Han was going to have to provide. Setting up a nest was never something Han had been particularly good at. His nests never looked pretty or elegant or clean, but he made them work. Arranging the blankets and pillows around the compartment in whatever order would appease his omega brain, Han contemplated what lay ahead. Usually in this situation, Han would be flying to a seedy bar on a seedy planet to for a seedy alpha to fuck him. Unfortunately, a snowstorm had come in the night before and was forecast to last at least a week and there was no way anyone was granting Han clearance to take off.

And the alternative: fucking someone on base. He’d considered it, of course he had, but it was completely off the table. Han had a policy: there was no way in hell he was going to fuck anyone he might have to talk with again later. It just led to knothead alphas feeling entitled to his body and Han wasn’t doing that again.

So here he was. Sitting in one of the Falcon’s smuggling compartments, getting ready to ride his heat out with nothing but toys. It certainly wasn’t any omega’s favorite way to spend a heat but it wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before. With the way he never tracked his heats and Chewie doing his best to make sure Han didn’t sleep with any shady people, Han had weathered multiple heats with just a knotting dildo and his fingers.

Flopping down once his nest was as complete as it was going to get for now, he pressed his face into the closest blanket. It was one of his designated nesting blankets so he couldn’t smell anything but Han assumed it probably smelled like him. He’d been told during a heat once that he smelled like delicate jogan fruits and honey, and since Han wasn’t exactly going to ask someone what he smelled like— nor had he ever actually smelled a jogan fruit— he supposed that was the best he was going to get.

Han climbed out of his nest and traipsed into his bedroom, where his compad and birth control were.

The birth control was easy. Han took three from the bottle and dry swallowed them. That should make up for his missed days, right?

The compad was harder. How was he supposed to write this message to Luke? ‘Hi, I’m horny and needy and I just need your jacket so I can sit next to it and feel safe whilst I get myself off’? It was stupid.

Han flopped on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He’d never had to do anything like this before. He’s never had a group of people he could almost call a pack. As much as being in the rebellion made him nervous (one of Jabba’s goons could pop up any time to take back what the Hutt was owed) the people here were some of the best Han had ever met. It wasn’t exactly a high bar, as a street rat turned imperial soldier turned smuggler, but the kindness he had been shown in his few months in the rebellion was nice, even if Han didn’t think it was deserved most of the time.

Han could feel the beginnings of heat gnawing at the pit of his stomach. Soon he would be slick and open and wanting. He didn’t have time to put this off.

He groaned and opened the device, finding Luke’s contact

H.Solo: hey kid

H.Solo: you know that jacket I lent you for the ceremony?

H.Solo: the yellow one?

H.Solo: I need it back for something

H.Solo: pretty urgently

It was seconds before he got a reply from Luke

L.Skywalker: of course!

L.Skywalker: I'm glad you messaged me now, I’m about to start combat practice with my squadron

L.Skywalker: Leia should be free, I’ll ask her to bring it to you

Kriff.

H.Solo: Kid

H.Solo: You don’t need to do that

H.Solo: I’ve got it under control, actually

But it seemed Luke had already started his training.

He really didn’t need that temptation around. Leia, who smelled like leather and something earthy that was unidentifiable to Han. He wasn’t sure there was any scent better than it. In his weaker moments Han could admit to wanting to press his face into her neck and drown in her smell, and this was certainly one of his weaker moments.

But as much as he wanted her, Han couldn’t let himself. Whenever he let an alpha with any power over him into one of his heats it always ended up with he and Chewie being blackmailed and Han having to do things he didn’t want to. Han would stick to fucking strangers he picked in bars, thank you very much, even if it dissapointed Chewie.

Han whined in the back of his throat and got up to pace. There was no way he could let Leia see him in this state.

Taking deep breaths to calm himself down— Leia didn’t need to be smelling a distressed omega along with one going into heat— Han left his room and walked back to the smuggling compartments, tugging the metal cover back over his nest.

Moving to the ‘fresher, Han took a moment to stare at himself in the mirror. His face was flushed and his hair was messy. He looked exactly how he felt: hot and out of control. It was a look Han wore a lot whilst working on the Falcon, though, so Han hoped he wouldn’t look too bad.

There was no way to disguise his scent, but Han hoped if he looked out together enough, Leia would assume he had a plan for his heat beyond fucking himself on a toy.

Alphas love to butt their heads in where they don’t belong, especially if they think it’s good for an omega, and the princess was definitely one of those righteous types.

Han froze from where he was trying to tidy up his hair when he heard the entrance ramp to the Falcon being lowered. Kriff. Either Chewie was back or Luke had given Leia the code for his ship. Either way Han wasn’t particularly enthused.

Straightening his shirt to make himself look as presentable as possible, he walked to the ramp, clearing his throat loudly. “Entering someone’s ship without knocking is rude, you know? I could’ve been naked”

[the-hoarse-bard]

At last, Vegas. Well, Freeside at least. Before we get to the strip to face down Benny, I have some OTHER revenge to seek. That bastard Carlos who raided my stash back in Primm. Apparently his hideout is in the hills north of town.

Bingo. The front door was locked up tight. Luckily, I noticed the alternate entrance on the roof due to the ladder sticking out of it. It was a bit of a leap from the hill behind the structure to the roof, but I made it. I told ED-E and Boone to keep watch in case Carlos came home early and headed inside.

Apparently, Carlos had sold off most of my stuff to some whackos at Crimson Caravan before deciding to become some kind of law bringer in North Vegas square. Crimson Caravan was closer so I decided I'd look around there just in case either of the people who bought my crap were hanging around. I unlocked the door from the inside and regrouped with ED-E and Boone before setting off.

I immediately recognized my old fatigues Mojave Express had given me on first joining up on some weedy little bastard. I decided to play it coy, asking him about the outfit, hoping to catch him in a lie. Unfortunately, he was a total dumbass, constantly fumbling over his words and making an ass of himself. When he didn't get the hint that I wanted my clothes back, I decided to just come out and threaten him. He immediately folded and gave them back before running off to Freeside with his tail between his legs. I swear I almost heard Boone laugh.

Damn, I haven't worn these fatigues in a long while. Forgot how many pockets were on this jacket. Definitely not cool enough for Mojave weather to be comfortable, but they always did a great job of keeping the sun and sand off me during long hauls. No one else around the compound had any of my stuff that I could see, so I suppose it was time to track down Carlos in North Vegas.

Carlos stood out like a sore thumb among the poor population of the area. My old bright red bandana certainly didn't help him blend in. He was certainly more suave than that weedy little rando who'd bought my fatigues, but still very much made a jackass of himself. After a lot of talking himself up, he asked if he'd like to come along to witness him taking down a local gang of criminals. I needed a laugh, so I agreed.

Carlos stopped a bit of a ways away from the criminals he'd come to face off with, a group of fiends by the look of them. He told me to stay back while he handled things. He stepped toward the fiends and gave a short speech about bringing them to justice... Before one of them shot his head off.

There was a bit of a pause before one of them pointed the three of us out and the gunfight ensued. I pulled a grenade from one of the pockets on my fatigues, damn those things were convenient, and chucked it at the fiends. It took out one of them, Boone popped another ones head like a cherry, and I put all six shots in Lucky's cylinder into the last ones chest.

I took my stuff back from Carlos after the dust had settled. He'd stolen the clothes I usually wore on long distance deliveries. Cool enough to be comfortable, enough coverage to not get sun stroke. He'd also apparently used the money from selling my other clothes to buy a pair of holsters. A side holster fitted for an enormous revolver, and a back holster for a brush gun. Apparently Carlos had dropped so much on these he didn't have guns to put in them... Genius. Well, supposing Carlos was dead now, may as well take his old home for myself. Be nice to have a foothold in Vegas.

I found a note on Carlos about where the remainder of my crap was. They'd been purchased by some guy called Marty in Westside. Carlos' note mentioned he seemed more than a little delusional, but that it wasn't his problem. Great. I can't have the normal people want my stuff, I have to get the weird thieves.

Marty was even easier to find than Carlos was, as he had purchased the outfit I wore in bad weather. Bastard must have been sweltering in that overcoat. He barely let me say a word before he started rattling off about his personal history, which got increasingly erratic and nonsensical as it went on. Clearly he was suffering from some kind of heatstroke. Eventually, he finally stopped talking and beckoned for me to follow him. Boone just shrugged, and we followed.

As we walked, Marty sang some kind of corny little song about himself. Eventually, he spotted his targets.... And immediately shit himself at the sight of them. One of the bandits shot him in the back as he limped away. Boone shot back at them, taking down all three easily himself. Well.... Glad I didn't have to kill this jackass myself.

I let Marty keep his pants, but god I was so right about this coat being way too hot. I could barely stand to wear it for even a minute. My stuff finally back in proper hands i.e. mine, Boone, ED-E, and I all headed back to Carlos' old place to relax a bit and store some of our travelling gear before heading for Benny.

[starions]

*blows the dust off this one* a butch x lw oneshot i wrote when i was fifteen, starring my lone wanderer gigi halloway. enjoy

Gigi wrinkled her nose as she stepped over the dead raider. His blood pooled under her boots and she dragged them along the old, shag carpet to clean them off. One hundred caps to clean this abandoned townhouse of raiders and they got to keep the spoils? Good enough for her. Butch, though, would not stop complaining about it.

“I still think we shoulda asked for more caps,” Butch mumbled, putting his gun back in his holster.

Gigi sighed, and knelt down to loot the raider. She couldn’t help but to notice how young the dead man was; her and Butch’s age tops. She frowned, and brought out a cap stash hidden in his pocket. “See? This job basically pays for itself. And if we sell some weapons and armor, then it will be worthwhile. I’m not sure why you’re complaining. Go loot that girl over there.”

Butch glared at the redhead, but did as he was told. “Can’t we just, I don’t know, find caps anotha way?”

Gigi wiped blood off on her jeans, standing up. “Like what Butch? Cutting hair?”

Scoffing, Butch finished looting the raider, producing nothing but a few bobby pins and some shotgun shells. He never liked that he got hairdresser on the G.O.A.T, just like Gigi didn’t like getting Pip-Boy repair girl. Jesus, Pip-Boy repair. Why would she ever want to do that? She was lucky Mr. Brotch changed it for her, she was much happier working with her dad in his clinic.

Just the thought of her dad made Gigi’s brow furrow and heart twist.

“You okay?” Butch asked, stuffing the bobby pins in his pocket.

Nodding, Gigi turned her heal, facing away from Butch. This was not the time to cry about her dad. Shaking it off, Gigi continued looking for supplies.

The two found nothing more in the living room, except maybe a few good food items and a spare bottle cap hidden under a rug. This townhouse had two more bedrooms, though, and Gigi and Butch couldn’t risk leaving anything valuable out of their hands. They entered the first bedroom, which was obviously used for more than sleep, judging by the smell and the old condom wrappers on the floor. Worn down posters of nearly nude girls plastered the walls, and chems were everywhere. It was fucking disgusting in there.

“Jesus!” Butch muttered, pulling his white undershirt up to cover his nose. Gigi coughed into her elbow, stepping over stains on the carpet. “You ain’t going in there,” Butch said, pulling on her arm.

“I’m not going to touch anything Butch, lighten up. It is just… so gross.” Gigi couldn’t help but to gag, and she stepped back. Butch still held her by the elbow, and the two were touching back-to-back now.

“Remember what Mr. Brotch taught us in sex-ed? About… fluids?” Butch said the last word with disgust, and Gigi snorted.

“I can’t believe you remember anything about that class, Butch, I thought you were too busy thinking about dicks and tits.” She shook loose of his grip and tiptoed in the room. Making sure to avoid touching anything nasty, she pulled open a dresser. Gigi raised her eyebrows. “There are a lot of condoms in here. Jesus Christ what the fuck was this place?”

“Raiders, man,” Butch said, hesitantly following Gigi’s lead. “They’re fucking disgusting.”

Gigi opened a few more dressers, not finding anything worthwhile. She considered stashing some chems to sell, but decided against it. Once people around here catch word you’re dealing, they won’t leave you alone.

She did, however, stash some condoms. Not to use herself, but, you know in case. With who? She didn’t know. Definitely not Butch. That thought almost made her laugh aloud. Though, he was nicer to her now out of the vault. Both of them were the only thing left of the vault. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad… they were already stuck with each other.

Gigi shook the thought out of her head, glaring at the poster of a topless girl in front of her. What in God’s name was she thinking just now? Fuck. She stood there, drumming her fingers on the dresser, admiring the crudely drawn penis pointing to the mouth of the girl on the poster, when Butch piped up.

“Hey Gee?” Her head snapped behind her, and she noticed how red in the face Butch was all of the sudden. “You a virgin?”

The sound that came out of Gigi’s mouth was a mixture of a laugh and a gasp. Why would he ask that in the middle of a dirty sex pit? “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

“Right,” Butch muttered. “Forget I said anything.”

Gigi turned around, facing the poster again. Truth be told, she wasn’t. Two weeks after the G.O.A.T she had fucked Freddie Gomez because he got trash burner as his job. It didn’t mean anything; he was sad, and Gigi had just come to the revelation that she’d have to lose her virginity to someone in the vault. She’d rather it be Freddie than that asshole Wally Mack, or Butch for that matter.

Gigi faced Butch again, who was fiddling with his Pip-Boy. “Are you?” Gigi asked, suddenly curious.

Butch head jolted up, and he glared at her. “You can’t ask me that when you ignored it when I asked!”

She grinned, amused by his answer. “I’ll tell you if you tell me.”

“You go first.”

“Fine,” Gigi said, stepping over a particularly large stain to inspect the night table. “I’m not a virgin.”

“You’re full of shit,” Butch said, crossing his arms. Gigi looked at him from across the bed and shrugged. “For real? You really fucked some rando out in the wastes?”

“I never said I lost my virginity in the wasteland.”

Butch’s mouth fell open, his eyes wide. “No way you slept with someone from the vault. He would have told me.”

Gigi grinned, pulling a box of stimpacks out of the nightstand. What was the use for them in this setting? Shrugging, she put them in her bag. “I told him not to tell anyone, especially you,” she paused, “considering the fact he was a Tunnel Snake.” Or, trying to join Butch’s gang, for that matter.

“You ain’t gonna tell me, is that it?” Butch narrowed his eyes, wanting more information.

“I’ll tell you once you tell me if you’re a virgin or not.”

Butch pressed his lips together, and avoided eye contact. Finally, he spoke up. “I’m no virgin; what I look like? Some loser?”

Gigi crossed her arms and leaned against the nightstand. “Oh really? Who is the lucky lady who was Butchie-boy’s first?”

Butch paused for a second, and then said: “Susie Mack.”

“No way,” Gigi said, giggling. “Wally wouldn’t let Susie touch you with a ten foot pole.”

“You don’t believe me? Me and Susie did it. Lotsa times.” Gigi saw through his facade, but she gave him the benefit of the doubt.

“Whatever you say, stud.”

“Oh yeah? And who was your first, Goody?” Butch said, using the only nickname Gigi didn’t mind. It originally was Goody-goody, but it managed to get to just Goody. Sadly, it’s lost its meaning out in the Wastes.

Gigi swung her bag over her shoulder, hearing the rough leather collide with the barbed baseball bat strapped to her back. She walked out of the room as Butch followed. “Freddie Gomez.”

Butch stopped in his tracks. “Bullshit! Freddie would have totally told me. He would have done anything to get with the Snakes.”

“And I told Freddie that if he told anyone I’d break his nose. You weren’t the only one he was scared of,” Gigi said, going into the next bedroom. It was much cleaner, and much nicer than the one before.

Butch furrowed his brow. Noticing the semi-clean mattress, he plopped down on it. “Freddie? What was so good about Freddie?” He almost whispered.

Gigi cocked her head to the side. “Well, he was nice to me for one. And it wasn’t like I was in love with him or anything. He was upset after the G.O.A.T so I decided to cheer him up.”

Butch propped his head on his hand, looking at Gigi with an emotion in his eyes Gigi couldn’t place. “So you just gave away your virginity, like that?”

“Back then I decided that I’d rather lose my virginity quickly than wait until I was assigned a husband. Like I said, Freddie was nice to me. Now I know that virginity is just a concept and it doesn’t matter,” Gigi said as she opened the two door closet.

Butch muttered something under his breath, and began fiddling with his Pip-Boy again.

Finding nothing in the closet, Gigi turned around, walking to the dresser. Gigi knew something was wrong when Butch didn’t even talk for a straight two minutes. Looking at him, Gigi noted that he looked a bit sad. A million thoughts ran through Gigi’s mind at once. Why in the wastes was he sad? He was sad that she slept was Freddie Gomez? She had told him it was nothing, for God’s sake. Gigi crossed her arms, letting her wait fall onto her left leg.

“Are you upset with me or something?”

Butch grumbled, turning his head to look out the dirty window.

“Because I fucked Freddie Gomez?”

Butch’s frown deepened. “No,” he said quietly. “You didn’t want me to be your assigned husband?”

Gigi couldn’t help but laugh. Her smile son faltered when she realized Butch wasn’t joking. “Are you serious?” She asked. “Did you block out our entire vault life? You treated me like shit.” Gigi paused, her eyes bouncing around the room, anything to avoid eye contact with him. “We treated each other like shit.” A sigh slipped out of her mouth as she remembered all the things she said about Butch and his alcoholic mother.

Butch grinned, his previous sad exterior melting away. “Yeah, you did treat me like shit Goody; almost like you were in love with me or something.”

A glare appeared on her face, but she still couldn’t help the growing on her face. “Gross, asshole. Let’s get out of here, this place smells like ass.”

Butch pushed himself off the bed, a cloud of dust filling the air as he does so. “Lead the way.”

[gravelyhumerus]

Criminal Minds College AU - Chapter 5

Title: “I may just take your breath away”

Relationship: Jemily

Summary:

Emily surprises JJ at her soccer game.

Slow-burn Jemily college AU where they live across the hall and despite all odds, the universe pushes them together. AKA they’re silly gay babies who pine after each other for months.

Read it on AO3

Tumblr: Tumblr:  One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, (bonus scene), Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Epilogue

Emily walked out of her Philosophy class, waving goodbye to Spencer Reid, who had back-to-back classes that afternoon. He walked away, dodging the crowds of students milling about on his way to his Physics class.

Things had calmed down in the weeks after midterm season, giving Emily a bit more free time to relax into a rhythm during her second year at college.

In her bag was a small bag of cookies that she had baked last night, wrapped up in carefully and tucked away. She was making her way through the quad, setting her sights on the soccer field. Emily checked her phone for the time: it was 2:25 PM and JJ’s soccer game should be almost done. She knew she was going to miss most of the game, but if she hurried she would catch the tail end.

That morning, Emily had looked up the games time on the varsity sports website, and triple checked that she’d be able to make it.

Dodging an enthusiastic skateboarder who was using the ramp down to the field as his own personal skate park, Emily hurried towards the bleachers, climbing onto the second row near the away team’s goal.

Emily squinted towards the field, setting down onto the ice cold metal bleacher seat and regretting her choice of a plaid skirt and fishnet stockings. A familiar blonde ponytail caught her eye and her heart jumped at the sight of her tackling another girl, freeing the ball and turning Emily’s way, barrelling down the field.

She had the ball! JJ pulled ahead, dodging the advances of the other team before kicking it to her teammate, who confidently circled around past the defence.

Emily’s heart was in her throat. She had never particularly cared about sports, but with her time in Italy, football (or soccer as she reminded herself to refer to it as) was something Emily could confidently say she understood enough to have a conversation about. She thanked her lucky stars that the first jock Emily had a crush on played a sport she at least knew the rules of.

JJ ran into centre field, and her teammate passed the ball to her, JJ kicked it right into the net, sneaking right past the goalie’s outstretched fingertips.

Goal!

The crowd cheered, Emily joined in and clapped as JJ’s teammates swarmed her, jumping and hugging her in a mess of celebratory bodies.

Emily looked around, while the crowd was spotty, there was still a fairly good turn out. Most of them seemed to be family members, though there were certainly groups of students, wearing their school colours and the logo emblazoned across their chests.

Emily peered at the scoreboard, it was 4–2, as JJ just scored a tie breaking goal with ten minutes left in the second half. They reset, and JJ switched out with another, taller girl who high fived her as she walked onto the pitch.

JJ sat on the bench with elbows on her knees and her feet planted firmly on the ground in her running shoes. She gulped some water as her eyes remained fixed on the action as the ref blew the whistle, and the game continued.

Without JJ to watch, Emily’s eyes roamed across the field, taking in the action without that much interest. She hoped that their team won, obviously, because that would make JJ happy, but she had no personal investment into their college’s athletic standing.

Emily knew that while her class had cut into most of the game, she would be able to linger around and hopefully walk back to residence with JJ. She had cookies to give her.

Now, the cookies were just an excuse to hang out with her. Or a bribe. Probably a bribe. Well, JJ had said, back when they studied together almost two weeks ago, that she wanted more cookies. As she had enough free time to walk to the nearby grocery store to pick up the dough, Emily was furiously trying to bake the best cookies she’d ever made. She had briefly considered making them from scratch, but the pressure of it all made her choose the prepackaged dough.

Emily actually didn’t spend more time eating the dough than baking, this time, because she wanted them to be perfect for JJ.

She had been tempted to invite her to bake with her, but despite JJ’s initial request for Emily to tutor her, JJ had not really followed up. In fact, Emily hadn’t seen much of the girl at all. The anxious part of her brain told her that JJ was avoiding her, but Emily, for the life of her, could not figure out why. Every time that she ran into JJ, the blonde seemed anxious to leave.

The clock counted down, five, four, three, two, one. The buzzer sounded. The other team hadn’t managed to score another goal, so their team had won!

The crowd cheered in delight at the victory. JJ and her team jumped together, piling on top of one another in a group hug.

While the other audience members packed up their bags and blankets, chatting as they filed out of the bleachers, Emily remained, waiting for JJ.

She watched as JJ removed her cleats, shin pads and long socks, swapping them instead for a pair of boots. She zipped up her windbreaker on top of her shirt and followed her teammates as they grabbed their bags and made their move to go home.

It was now or never.

“JJ, hi!” Emily called out, waving at her from the side of the bleachers.

JJ caught her eye, then said something to her teammates, who waited for her on the edge of the field.

“Great game!” Emily said, “at least what I saw of it.”

“Emily!” JJ said, smiling at her.

“I, uh-” Emily rifled through her bag. “The cookies you liked. I made some last night and thought that you may want some.”

JJ’s eyes widened as she took them.

“Thank you, Emily,” she stated, smiling quickly. “That’s very nice of you, I hope you didn’t go out of your way for me.”

“Oh it was no problem,” Emily said, trying to keep her voice calm, “Derek practically begs me to and well, you know, it’s nice to do something relaxing during midterms.”

JJ nodded, then turned to look at her teammates, who were beckoning for her.

“I haven’t seen you in awhile,” Emily said, “Did you need any more help with your French?”

Something strange passed across JJ’s face, first she looked happy, excited, but then nervous she looked away from Emily.  

JJ hadn’t texted her. Emily had given her number to her last Wednesday, and had received radio silence ever since.

“Uh, maybe. I’ll text you if I need any help,” JJ said, “I’m actually having a bit of trouble writing a presentation.”

A spark of hope ignited in Emily’s chest. Just as she was going to reply, she heard someone approaching them from the bleachers, clamouring down the steps from behind.

“JJ!” Penelope Penelope exclaimed, “And Emily! I didn’t know you were here! You could have sat with me!”

She was dressed in a long purple peacoat and had her bright blonde hair tied up in space buns. She had a small blanket folded up in her arms that she was likely using to sit on the cold bleachers.

“I didn’t see you,” Emily says honestly.

“Hey Pen,” JJ said, turning to her roommate, “No Spence today?”

“He has physics,” Penelope and Emily responded in unison, before laughing.

“We just had Philosophy together,” Emily explained. “He had to run to his next class.”

“Wait that reminds me,” Penelope exclaims, “Emily you must come with us to trivia tonight! We need six people for our team and I don’t wanna get stuck with some randos like last time.”

Emily looked over at JJ quickly to gauge her reaction. Trivia sounded really fun, and the excuse for spending time with JJ sounded even better.

“You could bring your friend Derek,” JJ replied, not balking at the idea of Emily’s presence. “Spence hasn’t stopped talking about him since the party.”

Emily felt herself breathe an internal sigh of relief. JJ wasn’t avoiding her after all. And maybe even wanted to spend time with her.

“Oh he really is a beautiful sight, that Derek Morgan,” Penelope just about purrs in response.

Emily can not help but laugh.

“That makes, what, five?” Penelope counted on her fingers, “Jennifer, do we have another friend?”

JJ frowned, shook her head, which made Penelope laugh.

Emily thought for a second, thinking about who in her circle would enjoy trivia. Aaron. Of course.

“I think I could talk someone into it,” she said.

“It’s a date!” Penelope exclaimed. “Now off to the locker room with you Jennifer! You stink!”

She gently pushed JJ towards her teammates and JJ laughed before waving goodbye and heading towards the gym. Penelope looped her arm through Emily’s and had already begun to explain the details of the trivia night.

From what Emily gathered, it was at the bar right off campus, and luckily for them, allows underage students in on Monday nights to play trivia, and the bartenders didn’t really check IDs at the bar so they could usually get served if they didn’t get too wild. There were prizes and Penelope was convinced that with Reid, they had a good shot at winning, depending on the topics of course.

Emily and Penelope walked back to their building, finally exchanging numbers and the promise to meet in the hall no later than seven that night.

As soon as Emily was in her room she found herself grinning. She did a small dance in her room in excitement for the evening before pulling out her phone to tell Derek and Aaron that they had plans for the evening.

[queenjunoking]

Wolf Taming Pt 26

CW: Noncon - Shock Collar - Pain - Petplay - Drugs - Kidnapping  - Manipulation - Consent Violation 

2 Years Ago

“Morning Z.” A woman’s voice pulled me from my sleep. I blinked a few times to clear my eyes and saw Briar standing in the doorway holding a plate. “Oh dear. Were you actually sleeping last night? I’m really sorry I woke you up, you need all of it you can get.”

Briar was one of the few people I’d met that I could actually stand. She joined the Society about a month before I did and had been one of the few people who seemed genuine. For better or worse she had taken an interest in me after Eos had recommended I work here. She was nice and helpful, but it also meant enduring her quirks.

"Hello Miss Briar, how are you today?"

She sighed. "For the last time Z we're equals here. Briar is fine. It feels strange for you of all people to be calling me by a title."

"The Society has been pretty strict on titles, I'd prefer to keep to them while we're in one of their buildings."

"Z, between the two of us you're the one with an epithet. You should be a higher rank than you are. You're very good at what you do."

"The epithet is just a joke at my expense. If I was capable of doing things your way I would."

“I see. Epithets are a pretty big honor to have. Only like what, 7 percent of members have one? Why do you feel like it’s a joke?”

“Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Psychoanalyze me. Leave that for whoever's in your file for today.” Briar was nice, but she stuck her nose where it didn’t belong. It seemed like she was digging for something when I talked to her. She was a psychologist before she joined the Society. From my own experience with psychologists they made it a habit to stick their noses where you didn’t want them too.

Briar went silent for a moment before changing the subject. “So who is it today?”

“Some rando who decided to look for the Society.”

“Reporter?”

“No.” I couldn’t manage to suppress a sigh. “A kinkster that doesn’t really get what this place is about. Unfortunately for her it’s a bit too late to back out. Could I have a minute so I can get dressed?”

“Sure, I’ll be waiting outside.”

I looked at the clock, it was already two in the afternoon. I didn’t think it was that late already, apparently I did fall asleep at some point. It’s not like I’d gone outside much recently, I mostly kept to myself and daylight didn’t easily reach a place this deep.

I put on a pair of my favorite jeans and a black t-shirt and I was ready. A lot of the other breakers liked to dress up, find a theme to their work. One girl here dressed as a latex nurse. One guy loved his heavy goth look. Briar loved leather. I mostly kept it casual. I didn’t see why I should need some gimmick for my job.

I opened the door and motioned to her to come with. “Alright, lets go.”

“Nuh-uh. Wait.” She put out an arm to bar my exit and motioned for me to back up. “Here, have something to eat before you gather your equipment.” She placed the plate she was handing onto my desk. Just some toast and jam.

“I could have gotten something to eat myself.”

“I’m sure you could have, but were you going too?”

“Maybe? I kind of have a lot to take care of.”

“Uh-huh. Did you eat anything yesterday?” I hated when she did this, I could feel her looking me over like she could pick out something I did to prove that I was lying to her. I’m not sure why she cared.

“Fine!’ I was getting exasperated. I took a bite of the toast. “I’m eating it. Happy now?”

“Happier. You need to take care of yourself.” I was bracing myself for another lecture, but she went quiet. “You really leaving at the end of the week, Z?”

“Mhm. Today’s lucky capture will be the last one I’ll have to do. Got a house lined up and stuff. We’ll see how it goes. Plus... she’ll be done today.”

“Oh, right. If you want some help with that later on let me know. It’ll be easier with two people. If you ever want to talk about it you know where I’ll be.”

“I don’t have anything I need to talk about. Have a good day Briar.” I heard a bit of a sad sigh when I walked away from her. I had other things on my mind, I didn’t really have time to think about her five hundredth attempt to get me to talk to her about something. I flipped open the file

Name: Kim Raum

Height: 5’ 5

Eyes: Grey

Hair: Blonde (Bleached and Dyed)

Former Job: Tech Firm Manager

Reason for Capture: She stuck her nose where it didn’t belong and learned too much. She has been designated a liability.

Additional Information: We’ve searched through her computers and phone and evidence she is already a submissive who fantasizes about being owned by another person. She has a particular interest in being a petgirl and has fantasies of being a fox girl. She has masochist tendencies. We believe it is these tendencies that got her onto a trail of rumors about the Society. Others involved have already been captured and brought to the auction house.

We did not bring her here for her own pleasure. She is here to be punished for her transgressions. We recommend either Miss Briar or Z for this task due to the particular needs required. A complete break is requested.

Known Fears or Phobias: N/A

Chosen Breaker: Z

Chosen Fate for the New Capture: Sold at Auction.

Breaker Percentage: 3%

Breaker Notes: I sent out an invitation to the target via a Society Member working in a kink dungeon she frequents to visit the Auction House. The member is known to her and she agreed to the “full experience” which included a “fake” kidnapping where she will be secured on an evening walk by a capture team lead by Jude. I have orders for her to be placed in my usual room where she will be under the belief that this is just a sex club of some sort. In order to expedite the process she was given something to fill out so she knows what kinds of activities she may experience here.

It was going to be a long day. We occasionally caught some reporters or friends of those we captured snooping about. If the Society felt it was safe to move against them we’d capture them. I’m not sure we ever came across someone who was looking to join willingly. They really had no idea what we were about.

I went to the preparation area and picked out the things I wanted. It was always the same list. I found my method effective enough I didn’t see a reason to change it. I filled out an order for it to be set out for 7 P.M., when I’d be meeting the person I’d be spending time with for a few days.

I got a message informing me last minute this session would be recorded as it was my last one. It was for record keeping as I had yet to have a recorded session. I sighed and returned to my room. I spent the remainder of my time trying to act in front of my mirror. I felt I was a pretty bad actor, but I only needed to be so convincing. My alarm went off at 6:45 and I made my way to the breaking chambers.

I opened the door and saw the occupant go from looking around the room to pretending to be asleep. I rolled my eyes and entered the room. They were shackled in my favorite device. It was similar to a chair you might see in a gynecologist office, but the stirrups could lock and the arms could be locked up near their head. It gave me full access to their body.

“Good evening Miss Raum, I know you’re awake.”

“What gave it away?”

“I saw you looking around.”

“That was more of a rhetorical… anyway. Are you Z? Where you the one who sent me that message?”

“I am. One of the perks of working here is getting a one night voucher you can give to someone. It’s a pretty special gift. I didn’t have anyone I wanted to give mine too so I asked Aiden if he knew anyone who would appreciate it. He dropped your name.”

“Guess I’m just lucky. This place is exciting. Have you seen the place up front? There's an entire stage, what’s it for?”

“This is the Auction House Miss Raum, the stage is the most important place in the entire building.”

I saw her eyes go wide. “Like you guys actually auction off people here? How does it work? Is it just like for some activities tonight or something?”

I smiled at her. “You’ll learn in due time. If you’re good for me you might get to see it yourself.”

“Aww… I have to be good?” She flashed some puppy dog eyes at me.

“Good is a relative term. Believe me, you’ll know if you’re being bad. But we have to go through the formalities before we really begin. We try to keep the Auction House pretty immersive, but we have to check in first. What is your name?

“Kim Raum.”

“Miss Raum-”

“Please just call me Kim.”

“Alright. Kim. Kim, do you remember the safeword you were given before?”

“Traffic light system, I got it.”

“And you know my particular area I work with?” I circled around behind her. I reached into the refrigerated portion and pulled out a knife and a pair of scissors and placed them in my pockets.

“Aiden said you like ‘sensory stuff’ and said it would be better to talk to you about it than him spoiling the surprise.”

“Pretty much. I hope it’ll be something you remember. Are you wearing the clothes I requested?” I stood behind her as we talked. Every movement mattered since this was being recorded.

“I might have worn something nicer had I realized what kind of upscale place this was, but I wore what you asked. Clothes I didn’t mind losing. Jude already showed me where to go to pick up new clothes after this. I have to admit, the immersive experience has been pretty great so far. Kidnapping team is quite fantastic.”

I gave her a smile. It’s interesting hearing someone so happy about a trap they willingly walked into. “You know what to do if it gets too much. I’m sure you know what to do if you want more as well. Just say your name and that you consent and we can begin. You can always revoke it at any time.”

“My name is Kim Raum and I consent to this.” I slipped a blindfold over her eyes. This always worked best when they couldn’t see.

I wrapped my arms around her from the back. I pressed the button on the switchblade and it shot out, grazing her cheek with it’s icy tip. I felt her tense up a bit. A great start.

“Oooooh nooooo. Are you going to hurt me? That’s terrible.” I could hear a bit of a laugh. I’m glad she was enjoying herself for now.

I walked around to the front of her, dragging the tip of the knife down from the side of her wrist to her waist as I walked by. Light enough not to draw blood. Hard enough to feel the cold sharp blade. “We’ll see. Your clothes are in my way.”

I pulled the pair of scissors out of my pocket. I felt her shiver as the metal touched her stomach. I held onto her shirt as I slid the scissors up her stomach, the scissors slid through the cloth like it was a hot knife through butter. I managed to bisect her shirt and bra with one motion. A lucky move to be honest, I usually had to make a second cut for that. With a few more swipes I cut down the sleeves to the center before I pulled the tatters off of her and threw them to the side.

I moved down to her pants and did the same thing. A single gliding cut up each pant leg and I could pull them off. I didn’t catch her panties with them unfortunately. The scissors had warmed up at this point so I placed them off to the side. I flicked open the knife and traced it over her as I studied them.

I decided to take the risk. I held the knife close like I was going to cut them off. Then with one motion I instead grabbed them and pulled, tearing the fabric and pulling them off. 

“Whoa.” “Yeah, I’m kind of impressed in myself to be honest. Wasn’t sure if it would work and it would have been embarrassing if it didn’t.” I walked back over to the cart and placed the knife and scissors back in the refrigerated compartments. “How about we switch it up a bit?”

“Got more settings than cold?” She did enjoy poking at me. I wasn’t sure if that really made me feel better or worse about what I was building up to.

I gave her a little chuckle. “A couple more at least.”

I placed a few things on a tray and brought it over to her. A wand vibrator, two lotions, some swabs, and some latex gloves.The vibrator came with an attachment so I could hook it to the chair. I put it on it’s lowest setting and placed it snug against her. “I like to introduce a bit of pleasure to go with the pain.”

“Oh? Were the scissors and the knife not supposed to be the pleasure portion?”

“I can see you were the right person to give that voucher to Kim. I’m sure you’ll appreciate what else we’ll be doing.” 

I slid on the gloves and applied a dab of the bottles to each nipple. I began rubbing it in and listened to her moan. Soon enough their effects began to work and she squirmed a bit. “Something wrong?”

“Probably not, just a little surprised. A tiny bit chilly on one side but the other side is a bit hot.” It was a neat little concoction. One side was a special mixture of a pepper the Society cultivated. The other side was a mint extract of some type. It wasn’t too bad without the full mixture.

“How’s it feeling?” I whispered into her ear.

“It’s an interesting feeling. Surely you can do a bit more though?”

Just the opening I was waiting for. I turned the wand up to a higher setting and walked back to the cart and picked up the items I needed for the main performance. Another lotion bottle, a spray bottle, a syringe, a vial, an enema bag, a jug of ice water, a special rubber gag and a hood. Everything she needed to be comfortable for a few hours. I removed her blindfold so she could see the tray.

“Is that a syringe?” I could hear the caution in her voice.

“Indeed it is. The Society creates a lot of their own drugs among other things. This is a particularly fun one I think you’ll enjoy.” I held up the syringe and filled it with the contents of the vial.

“Red. No.” She paused for a second to moan as the vibrator continued to do its work. “Red. No needles. No drugs.” She sat there, expecting something to happen. I was just searching for the best place to inject it. “What the fuck are you doing?! Stop!”

“What was that Kim?”

“Are you deaf I said re-” When she opened her mouth again I lifted the spray bottle and sprayed the contents into her mouth. “What the hell was-” she was interrupted again when she suddenly screamed and began to thrash in the chair. I felt a smile touch my lips but I quickly wiped it away.

I grabbed the rubber gag and shoved it into her mouth. It was an oval gag meant to keep the wearer’s mouth pried open but wouldn’t let them bite down all the way. It helped protect the tongue.

I grabbed her by the hair to pull her head to the headrest. “Look at me.” Her eyes darted towards me, wide. I could see she was afraid now. She knew the play was done. “Kim, that's a special spray made with a pepper that’s cultivated by our group. It’s called a Hellfire Kiss. I’ve obviously never tried it myself. I’m not really into spicy things. But I’m told it's over as hot as a Carolina Reaper but I’m afraid I don’t really have a reference for how hot that is. Be good and I’ll share something I have that’ll neutralize it. Be bad and I’m sure I can find other places you really don’t want this to touch. You’re shackled to a chair right now, you have nowhere you can escape to. Nod your head up and down if you want to be a good girl.”

She was still trying to break out of the chair, but she vigorously nodded her head up and down. “It’s so easy to be a good girl Kim, I’m glad you’ve decided to work with me.” I jabbed her with the needle and injected the substance. It was quite the lovely mixture. A special stimulant that helped the user take more of a beating before they would lose consciousness. It also intensified sensations, making everything she was feeling even more intense.

I pulled on another pair of latex gloves and squirted the lotion into my hands. I ignored her crying and applied the lotion to her nipples. She gasped as the full effect of the lotions started. The other two on their own were nice for sore muscles. If either was mixed with this one it intensified their effects. I was told that it was fairly safe but the sensation would keep intensifying for a while. As the seconds ticked by her thrashing renewed and unintelligent babble left her mouth.

It was easier not to acknowledge it. She would have to get used to not being acknowledged in any meaningful way.

I inserted the enema plug into her none too gently. I had things to do today and didn’t want to spend much more time here. She made a small noise of discontent at the feeling but started begging again when I started to fill the bag. I just kept ignoring her. It didn’t really matter what she wanted or what her thoughts on anything were anymore. It was time she learned that. I watched as it started to run into her. The water was just barely above freezing. It would be pretty painful. Beyond just being filled to the brim with water that cold it would cause pretty horrific cramping.

“Almost done. Then you can sit on your own for a few hours and think about how you willingly came here.” I placed the earbuds in her. They just played loud static. I wanted her to focus on the sensation. It was best to make sure every sense was being used.

I took one last look into her eyes before I pulled the hood over her head. It covered her eyes but left a place open for her nose and mouth. I opened the spray bottle and dipped some swabs in the mixture. I held the bottle up to her mouth and gave her another spray, resulting in a new round of screams. I went over to the table and picked out a plug for the gag and inserted it, forcing her to breathe through her nose. I heard her whimper as the first round of cramps spread through her. I took the swabs and swirled them around her nose. I watched her fingers curl as she tried to reach for her face. This method kept it around longer. She’d be breathing it in for awhile.

With that I was done. In a few hours she’d pass out and someone else would clean her up. I’d be repeating this activity several times a day for the rest of the week and hope she broke before the end of the week.

I looked back at my last victim. Anyone else would have drawn out what they were doing. Slowly breaking them over time until they acknowledge their new lot in life. But not me. I did my best to overwhelm them with sensations until it was too much for them. She was a sobbing mess now but soon she would break and be fine. I broke them as quick as I could to protect them from anymore suffering.

I was a figure of mercy.

I cared for them.

[nerevar-quote-and-star]

Nixiel and Talvas Stop a Murder with More Murder

Talvas: Why are we so worried about House Redoran?

Nixiel: Because I'm FROM House Redoran!

Talvas: Oh yeah.

Nixiel barges into The Retching Netch like a drunken netch cow

Talvas scrambles behind her

Geldis Sadri: Welcome to The Retching Netch, the—

Nixiel: All right, I'm here for answers. You got answers? I want answers!

Talvas: Adril Arano . . .

Geldis Sadri: Say no more. Poor fetcher needs all the help he can get.

Geldis Sadri then spins a plot to string . . . either Nixiel or the Ulens up like slaughterfish. Talvas isn't sure

Time for a good ol' fashioned stakeout

Sans the Redoran Guard. RIP

But not before Nixiel tries to pawn off all her ash yams. Does Not Work

Even if Geldis Sadri sounds like an ash yam enthusiast

RIP

Nixiel tries to leave the bar and is pinned between an alchemist and a hustler

Nixiel: TALVAS!

Later

Nixiel: Take me to church, Talvas.

Talvas: Azura save me.

Nixiel and Talvas bust up into the Temple

Nixiel: Hey—

Elder Othreloth: The Temple is for followers of our faith only. Outsiders Not Allowed.

Nixiel: I feel so attacked right now.

Nixiel and Talvas sneak into the basement — I mean, Temple Ancestral Tomb

And they wait

And wait . . .

Wait some more

Talvas, doing a dance: Nixiel, I gotta go—

Nixiel: Shh!

Tilisu Severin walks in

Talvas: We need to report this to Arano—

Nixiel: I'm gonna go talk to her.

Talvas: Nixiel, no—

Nixiel talks to Tilisu Severin. Does not progress to a fight

Nixiel is dragged off by Talvas to report back to Adril Arano

Nixiel: *reports findings*

Adril Arano: *X in the chat*

Nixiel and Talvas are put on reconnaissance to subvert the necessity for damage control

Damage control required: pending

Nixiel: "If the Severins have betrayed us" . . . what?

Talvas: No idea.

Nixiel and Talvas sneak to the doorstep of Severin Manor

Nixiel: You watch the door while I find the evidence. I should just be in and out. Nixiel sneaks in

There are people inside

Nixiel, silently panicking: Seht, Seht, Seht, Seht.

Nixiel dives down the stairs out of sight

Down the hall into the master bedroom and right up to a . . .

Nixiel: Safe. Ash and fire.

SIXTEEN BROKEN LOCKPICKS LATER

Nixiel swipes out the gems, gold, and a suspicious missive, as well as an ebony greatsword

Nixiel: Now if I can just get out without being detected, that'd be smashing.

Stops to salivate over the alchemy station

Snatches a drought for better sneaking. Downs it in one gulp

Shoots up the stairs and out the door before either person realizes that shadow was a panicking Telvanni mage

Talvas: Nixie!

Nixiel: Hurry, Talvas! I got the dirt! Let's dish it and go back to Tel Mithryn!

Nixiel and Talvas find Adril Arano in The Retching Netch where Nixiel proudly presents him with the Ulens' letter

Adril Arano: Great, I want you to go bring them to justice.

Nixiel: Seht.

Talvas face palms so hard

Talvas: It's nearly midnight—

Nixiel: Sooner we go, sooner we're done.

Nixiel flounces into the wilderness of the ashlands

Proceeds to be separated from Talvas

While waiting for him to find her, she picks scathecraw and trama root

A rando Imperial woman appears and immediately starts attacking

FIVE ICE SPIKES LATER

Bloody n'wah.

Nixiel picks MORE scathecraw and trama root

Nixiel: Oh hey, I can see our mushroom from here!

Talvas: Nixiel!

Nixiel: There you are, you fetcher!

Nixiel and Talvas sneak over mounds of ash

Talvas: Why are we sneaking?

Nixiel: The element of surprise!

Talvas: We're not even there yet!

Nixiel: But we will be!

. . . until they reach a river

Nixiel: I always forget Solstheim has a river.

Talvas: It flows right by our mushroom!

Nixiel: How would I know? Our mushroom doesn't have windows!

While looking for a way to cross, they find an empty camp

Talvas: Have we been here before?

Nixiel: Oblivion if I know.

Further uphill they find some rocks to jump on

Nixiel: We need a good water walking spell.

Talvas: Fat chance Master Neloth will teach it to us.

They arrive next to the walls of the fort

Nixiel: It's the middle of the night! They'll never see us coming!

There is a guard outside that totally sees them coming

Naturally Nixiel and Talvas land blast her with magic

Nixiel: Hey, wait, wait, wait! It's a Morag Tong agent! They're finally going to kill me!

Talvas: Why do you sound so excited?!

Nixiel: I've been waiting for this day since I made my mom cry by joining House Telvanni.

Talvas: There are so many things wrong with this entire thing.

Nixiel: Hey, hold up, aren't those Redoran Guards?

Talvas: Yes, Arano was sending them to root out the Ulens.

Nixiel: I totally spaced out for that. Well! They're dead now! Want something done right, send a Telvanni!

Talvas: There's so much wrong with that, too.

They sneak in

Talvas: Why are there sculls in the walls?

Nixiel: Hlaalu have such a bad sense of style. They get it from their Imperial boyfriends.

One Shot One Kill Sneak Attack with an Ice Spike on a Morag Tong Agent

Talvas ice blasts the next two agents

Nixiel steals their sweetrolls

Nixiel: Hey, another safe!

TWO BROKEN LOCKPICKS LATER

Nixiel: I'm getting better at this.

Talvas: That bothers me.

Nixiel: Stop being so bothered by everything, Azura!

A little further on . . .

Nixiel: An alchemy station!

Talvas: Stop being so distracted by everything!

Nixiel face palms at Talvas' mimicking

Convenient chain to lower spike door is pulled

Mirri Severin plus cohorts immediately attack

Nixiel ganks Mirri Severin

Nixiel: This safe key would've been nice to have when I was breaking into her house.

Talvas: Nixiel!

Nixiel continues to swipe their alchemy ingredients

Nixiel: They won't need them.

Talvas: Whatever. Hey, is this a training room?

Nixiel: Looks like a wrestling arena to me.

More chains must be pulled

Talvas: Why is this place so creepy?

Nixiel: Because Hlaalu are creepy, duh.

Nixiel skips over several pressure plates in her never ending quest to keep pulling chains, both physically and verbally

Nixiel ganks Tilisu Severin and proceeds to fall into a water torture chamber

Talvas ganks everyone else

Nixiel: FACE THE WRATH OF HOUSE — oh, you've killed them all.

Nixiel foists a bunch of armor pieces into Talvas' bag, only for him to put the helmet on

Nixiel: You look drunk.

Talvas: And you don't?

Nixiel: Wash your mouth out with ash, you s'wit.

The two make their way back to the exit

Nixiel: This place reminds me of Master Neloth's ex girlfriend's house.

Talvas: Uh, that wasn't his girlfriend.

Nixiel: You sure, bug eyes?

Talvas: Let's just get back to Raven Rock so we can go back home.

Outside they cross the stream and enter the burnt remains of the forest

Then a wild burnt spriggan appears

Nixiel: TALVAS!

Talvas: I'm going to sit this one out.

Nixiel screams profanities to the Reclamations, the Saints, and the Daedra as she ganks the spriggan with ice spikes over and over again

Nixiel angrily picks yet more scathecraw and trama root

Breton Mage: HA!

Nixiel and Talvas come across two Breton mages blasting each other with ice and fire

The pyromancer smokes the cryomancer, only for Nixiel to put her on ice before Talvas can use his sumooned Frost Atronach

Nixiel: Bloody half-breeds.

Talvas: Please just stop picking all the scathecraw.

Nixiel and Talvas make it back to Raven Rock; Talvas tries to take his Frost Atronach inside Councilor Morvayn's house

Nixiel: Please stop.

Nixiel approaches Adril Arano

Nixiel: Your ashy little problem has been swept into the trash.

Talvas: She means we took care of the assassins.

Adril Arano rushes to tell Councilor Morvayn EVERYTHING

Councilor Morvayn: Nixiel Veres? Since you ended the lives of the people who wanted to end mine, you can have their house.

Nixiel: Sweet.

Talvas: We are not going back home, are we?

Nixiel and Talvas go to the marketplace

Nixiel: I need that helmet now.

Talvas: But Nix—

Nixiel: For the love of the Three, just let me sell it!

After taking care of some business, Nixiel and Talvas head over to Severin Manor

Nixiel: Hey look! Some scathecraw and trama root I missed earlier!

Talvas bursts into tears

Talvas: Shouldn't we tell Master Neloth we got a house?

Nixiel: Maybe?

They proceed to not tell Master Neloth anything

[ahwait-no-yes]

🍬 Candy Kingdom 🍭

Casually slides and places chapter down before running away only to trip on a can of soup and collapse as miku plays ominously in the background

also apologies for how ooc they are i can’t write 

-4-

Once Shuichi arrived at the plaza, he scanned the crowded area for Ouma. He never really liked places with people bustling about. It was always too loud, too many things to focus on, and just made him want to cover his ears and sit down for a bit.

Thankfully, he spotted Ouma sitting on a bench, looking a bit bored. He assumed that wasn’t a good thing. He hasn’t known Kokichi for very long, but he seemed like a person that would be up to no good if they had nothing better to do.

Shuichi walked over to him, gently tapping his shoulder. Kokichi looked over at him quickly, he wondered if he would get whiplash. “Heya Saihara chan! Took you long enough, I was waiting here for years!” Ouma dramatically complained, drawing others attention to them.

Saihara nervously laughed, assuming part of it was true. He did sleep in a bit, not having to deal with someone waking him up and tell him he has things he needs to do. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to take so long.”

Ouma waved his hand, dismissing the topic. “Uh huh. So, Saihara chan!” He chirped, suddenly standing up. “I have a super fun and amazing cool idea! So we should toootally do it!” He exclaimed, rocking back and fourth on his heels.

“Soo! I was thinking maybe you should buy me a bunch of things, then I can murder you and take your stuff!” Kokichi smiled innocently, keenly stepping forward.

“But that’s a lie, isn’t it?” Shuichi deadpanned, crossing his arms and staring back at him. Ouma’s face was blank for a second, before it turned back into his usual smug grin. “Maybe! You’re catching on quick, Saihara chan!”

Shuichi chuckled, fidgeting with a strand of his hair. “Is that a good thing?” He asked, playfully tilting his head. Kokichi pouted in response, his eyes looking glossy. “No it’s not! It’s horrible! If Saihara chan keeps trying to figure me out I’ll have to kill him!”

Saihara nervously smiled, adverting his eyes as per usual. “I’m hoping that’s a lie too,” he murmured. Kokichi laughed, wearing a familiar mischievous grin. “Probably!” Was all he said before skipping off, leaving Saihara to catch up with him.

—

While Ouma was aimlessly walking around, (it seemed like he was at least, Saihara noted,) they ended up running into someone else.

Or, Ouma antagonizing one of his friends. Hopefully one of his friends.

“Hey, tit for brains! Come here!” Kokichi yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth. Multiple people turned to look at them, a few covering their mouths in shock. Shuichi couldn’t do much other then look down and hope they would stop.

A girl (who looked to be about their age,) walked up to them, a scowl on her face. “What the hell do you want Kokichi?” She asked, a hand on her hip. Ouma grinned and bought a finger to his lips before replying, “Well, I just wanted to give you the honor of seeing me!

Shuichi excepted a very, very bad reaction to that statement, but she just laughed and gently shoved Kokichi. “C'mon, the gorgeous Miu Iruma knows that’s a lie!” She exclaimed, placing a hand on her chest.

Iruma stared at Saihara, looking him up and down. “Who’s the twink?” She asked, turning to Ouma. The other boy scoffed, scowling at her. “Wow, already giving my iconic nickname to some rando? Im truly and deeply offended!” He replied dramatically, tears brimming his eyes.

“But that was just a lie. Even a cum dumpster like you could understand!” He exclaimed, a sly grin on his face. Miu flushed, shrinking away. “C-cum dumpster?” She murmured.

Ouma is weird. His friends are too. Is this how most people act? I really hope not.

“But! This is my new slave, Saihara chan! Say hi Saihara chan!” He said in a soothing voice, as if he was talking to a kid. Which, Saihara did not appreciate. His parents did that enough.

He still muttered a quiet hi, anyways.

“Aaanyways!! Are you just eating all alone in a cafe? How sad! I think you should totally pay for us and buy us some food!” Kokichi exclaimed, smiling innocently. “Hell no! If you want food buy some yourself!” She yelled, a scowl on her face.

“Plus, I have more important things to do than-” She was cut off by another girl, (how many people did Ouma know??) gently tapping Miu’s shoulder. “Is everything alright? I heard you yelling,” She commented, looking at the two boys.

Iruma flushed, looking a bit nervous. “Everything’s fine!” She murmured, fidgeting with a strand of her hair. Kokichi’s grinned, staring at her. Miu stared back, slightly glaring.

“Oooo! Miu’s on a-!” “Shut up! You- little twink!” She quickly yelled over him, stammering for an answer. Ouma laughed, slightly leaning against Saihara for support.

“You always talk shit about how no one’s worthy of dating you a-” “SHUT UP!” She practically screamed, her face a brilliant red. People kept turning to see what the commotion was, which kept making Saihara nervously shift in place.

The girl behind Iruma (which he still didn’t know,) spoke up, a slightly nervous smile on her face. “So, I’m assuming you know these boys Iruma?” She asked, practically glowing.

“W-well, I know the purple little sh- gremlin, that’s Kokichi,” she murmured, twirling her hair. “And this is Saihara chan!” He chirped, showing off the other boy like a trophy. “He’s like, totally deaf, so that’s why he’s so quiet!”

“No I’m not,” He deadpanned, slightly sighing. Kokichi just giggled, gently nudging him forward. “Well it’s nice to meet you Saihara kun! I’m Akamatsu!” She smiled, trying to distract Miu and Ouma from fighting.

“It’s nice to meet you too Akamatsu san,” He murmured, looking to the side. She just smiled, not seeming to mind the lack of eye contact. “So!” She exclaimed, clapping her hands together, causing Kokichi and Iruma to temporarily stop glaring at each other.

“Since we’re all here, why don’t we do something together?” She asked. Ouma smiled innocently, “Yeah, we should! Riiight I-ru-ma channn?” He teased, his smile turning into a mischievous grin. 

Miu just muttered something along the lines of, “Whatever,” and crossed her arms. “Since Iruma san and I just got here, we can all eat in the cafe. Sound good?”

No one objected, so she smiled and went into the cafe. Once they were crammed into a small booth, the whole situation finally hit Shuichi.

This whole thing wouldn’t be a problem if he knew how to talk to people without getting nervous. If that was the case, everything would be fine. Perfect even. Except, he didn’t. He had mostly been isolated most of his life, and kept to himself.

So this was a major problem.

Before Saihara could have a meltdown in public where a bunch of people could see him, Kokichi spoke up. “Sooo, are you guys friends or?~” He asked, a sly grin on his face.

“Yeah, we’re friends! We met a few weeks ago when she spilled her drink on me,” She replied, quietly giggling. “It’s probably because she was-” Ouma was cut off by Miu again, “No I wasn’t you twink! Shut up!”

Kaede gently pat Iruma’s shoulder, effectively shutting her up. “So, do you guys have any funny stories?” She asked, tilting her head. “I’m so glad you asked Akamatsu chan!” Ouma exclaimed, slamming his hands on the table in excitement, causing Saihara to flinch.

“Well, I remember once my organization and I were throwing some water balloons at some random kingdom nearby, and we ended up getting chased around for a bit! It was suuuuper fun!” He chirped, smiling.

Shuichi froze up for a second, staring wide eyed at Kokichi. He remembered overhearing that conversation when he was around seven, talking about kids in clown masks and checkered scarves.

“Why did you even-” Saihara murmured, staring at him. “Oh, you know,” Ouma very helpfully replied, a playful grin on his face. Shuichi quietly laughed, covering his mouth. “I’ll never get how you’re able to do things like that, I can’t even maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds.”

“All it takes is some practice and a fake personality!” He sing songed, gently nudging him. Shuichi continued laughing, still trying to muffle it. Miu and Kaede eventually joined in, everyone smiling.

Maybe he could stay a little longer. He still has a lot he wants to know about everyone else.

—

wwww this doesn’t feel too good but,,, needed to get done,, -DA

-

3 | 4 | 5

Read it on AO3!

[justkending]

10 Years Time. Chapter 18.

Series Summary: As princess of Alberia, it is your duty to grow into a rightful young lady if you plan on ruling your family's country. Of course, the only way your father can see this happening is sending you off to a boarding camp at the age of 14 for 10 years to learn what it means to grow into a Queen. That means leaving all your friends and family behind. One specific person, your best friend, you never want to say goodbye to. But 10 years later, you come back grown into a young lady like your father hoped, and find your best friend has grown into a knightly young man. How will you two adjust after 10 years apart? Will things be the same, or will all that’s happened in that span of time affect your relationship?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Stark Daughter Reader

Word Count: 3900+

A/N: HAPPY THANKSGIVING to those who celebrate! I am currently making deviled eggs and turkey as we speak;) I hope you all enjoy this chapter I had so much fun making! Love you all and I’m so very thankful for each and every one of you!!!

Chapter 18:

Chaos. That would be the best word to describe what exactly this day consisted of. Lucky for Y/N, she had two very comforting and capable ladies to help her through it all. 

At one point something had gone terribly wrong with the food, something about allergies for a certain kingdom. But luckily Rebecca, Bucky’s sister, got it under control before Y/N had to mess with it. 

Then another time, something about the decorations not working how they planned. Then another with the fireworks that Y/N didn’t even know her father ordered. Then another issue with the guest list possibly not being delivered right, which ended up being a mistake and not true. A nervous new assistant looked over a few things wrong. 

And now, just about 3 hours before the whole ceremony was supposed to take place, there was word that Janet was running behind on the dress. Dear God. The dress. 

Nat was practically hyperventilating because of the supposed rumor, and Y/N and Wanda were fanning her to calm her down. 

“Nat, you know Jay will come through. She’s never let us down.” Y/N said holding her robe in place with her hair still half way done, and taking a break from the makeup artist to calm her friend. 

“B-But the dress. If you aren’t in it for the ceremony, th-then-,” Nat said through breaths. 

“I have never seen her this panicked. Nat doesn’t panic.” Wanda said with worried eyes still fanning her on the other side. 

Y/N shot Wanda a reassuring look before bending on her knees and getting to Nat’s eye level.

“Hey. Jay said she is just a little behind. Nothing to worry about. Want to tell me what the real issue is?” She said placing her hands on Nat’s.

The green eyes shot at her, and Y/N could see the worry and anxiety bouncing around in them. 

“If I remember correctly, this is my day to be nervous and anxious.” Y/N said with a laugh trying to lighten the mood. 

“Yes, but-” Nat paused not sure where to go with the thought. 

“But what? Talk to us.” Wanda said joining Y/N on the lower level. 

The other red head took a deep sigh before closing her eyes. “I just want everything to be perfect for you Y/N/N. You’ve worked so hard for this and everything has to be just right.” she said in almost a defeated tone.

“Oh, Nat.” Y/N said moving closer and squeezing her friends hand. “Nothing is every going to be perfect. Do you know how many bumps we hit along the way to get here? A lot. But that’s what’s making it all the more special.”

“But-”

“No. No but’s. We’ll be fine. Everything will work out how the world intends for it to. If that means a disaster here and there, then so be it. We have yet to not come out on top before. We aren’t going to start now.” Y/N smiled pulling Nat up from her seat. “Now, what do you say we finish my hair and make up so that when the does get here, we are on schedule?”

“What if it isn’t-”

“It will be. I have full faith in Jay. And if not? Then we will be fashionably late to the party. Quite literally.” Y/N giggled pulling Nat in for a hug that she took without a second thought. 

“Awe! I love you guys!” Wanda jumped in excitement before throwing herself into the group hug.

As if in perfect timing, just as they were finishing the last touches of Y/N’s hair, the knock on the door signaled Jay. 

“Hey girls. You ready for the next part of the make over?” she smiled walking in with the dress under wraps. 

“Oh thank God!” Nat said, letting out a sigh as Wanda clapped next to her jumping on the balls of her feet. 

____

“Did you guys get to spend a good chunk of time with each other last night?” Bucky asked as they checked the guards station since the party was just an hour away. People already showing up early. 

“Yeah, we did.”

There was a pause as Buck waited for Steve to continue, but that’s all he said. 

“Ok, and…” he probed nudging his friend. 

“And what Buck? What are you trying to get out of me?” Steve chuckled. 

“I mean nothing specifically, but you’re being quiet. Did something happen?”

Steve looked at his friend knowing he could read him like a book. He rolled his eyes, and tried to ignore it, but Bucky just waited staring at him and making him more uncomfortable. 

“She brought it up again ok! You got me!” Steve groaned throwing his hands up. 

“Steve, why don’t you believe her?”

“What-”

“You would make a great King to the throne. I don’t get how you don’t see that-” Bucky started in a soft tone so that no one would hear.

“That’s not the only issue.” Steve groaned not happy about doing this conversation yet again. 

“Then what?” Bucky said also annoyed at having to try and convince Steve the same thing Y/N was trying to. 

“I don’t know…”

“Clearly you know.” 

“Drop it Buck.”

“No, why are you so freaked out about this?” 

“Buck-”

“I’m not dropping it. Neither will Y/N until you get it through your thick head that you are more of a man than you think you are-”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be enough for her! Ok!” Steve shouted luckily away from everyone making it just them. Bucky stood back shocked, but let out a sigh. 

“So, some other guy is?” Bucky asked making Steve’s dropped head snap up.

“What? No. No guy is good enough-”

“Ok, so wouldn’t you rather you be with her knowing you are giving her your all, or would you want some rando that you know for a fact wouldn’t?” 

“Of course I want it to be me. I would give her the moon and the stars if she asked me to.” Steve said almost offended that Bucky would think he would have it any other way. 

“See? You two were made for each other. Neither of you think you are enough for the other, even if that’s far from the truth, but you try and show each other that you would do anything for the other no matter what.”

“But-”

“Get out of your damn head Steven. She loves you. You love her. She wants you by her side for the rest of her life. If that means as her king, than take the damn position. It’s not that hard.” Bucky rolled his eyes throwing his hands up. 

“What if-”

“No what if’s. Do you love her?”

“Yes.” Steve said without hesitation.

“You would do anything for her? Death included?”

“Of course! Why do you even have to ask?” he shouted again only getting a laugh out of Bucky. 

“Because apparently you can’t get it through your head that she does deserve someone like you. No less, punk.” Bucky said placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder. 

Steve wanted to fight him on it, but he made a good point. If there was anyone that he believed Y/N deserved, it was someone who wanted to treat her like he wanted. As the queen she was. No. The goddess she was. She deserves everything he could offer and so much more. The only person that he knew would strive to give her just that, was him. 

___

“Ok. We are all ready.” Janet said stepping back after making the final adjustments. “Wanda, can you grab me the crown?”

“Yes ma’am.” Wanda nodded going to get it from the case it was in. 

“You look stunning Y/N. Words can’t express how breathtaking you are.” Nat smiled folding her hands in front of her. “You somehow managed to pull of this look better than your coming home party.” 

“I’ll be honest. I didn’t think you would ever be able to top that outfit off Jay, but here we are. Somehow one step up from the last.” Y/N said admiring the details of the dress around her in the mirror. 

“Well my dear, if you could see the visions of dresses I have for you in my head, you would be taken back by how much I can do.” Jay smiled.

“I already am.” Y/N winked. 

“Here we go.” Wanda said bringing the crown to the back of her head. Nat coming to help adjust it to where it needed to be. “Oh, and it goes perfect with the hairstyle Nat did!” Wanda said all giddy. 

“Oh, Jay. This-This is stunning. How did you-?” Y/N said watching the piece come together with the rest of the attire in the mirror as her ladies positioned it just right. 

“You’re secret admirer gave me the idea.” Jay said coming to her side and placing her hands on her shoulders as they admired the work together. “You are everyone’s sunshine even if he claims you as his own.”

Y/N was close to tears. She had a piece of Steve with her through the necklace that still lay on her chest, but the crown was perfect for Steve’s nickname for her. It was all just so… Perfect.

“Now, no crying. You’ll ruin your makeup.” Jay said patting her shoulders before wiping a few stray tears of her own. “We need to get you down there. We are running just on schedule to not be late.”

“Yes, ma’am.” All three girls said trying to push back the tears. Only laughing at each other from the shared emotion. 

“Let’s do this your majesty.” Wanda said extending her arm on one side while Nat did the same on the other. 

“Let’s do this.” Y/N said taking in a deep breath and linking their arms. 

___

“So you’re Prince Summers?” 

Scott turned at the deep voice to see a long haired blonde with deep blue eyes, and another man next to him with black sleek hair and lighter blue eyes. 

“Yes, that would be me.” he said with a smile and straightening his posture. 

“Nice to meet you. I’m Thor and this is my brother Loki. We’re the Princes of Asgard.” Thor said with a friendly smile while Loki gave his signature mischievous one. 

“Right. I’ve heard about you two. Y/N said that you are of one of the top alliances Alberia has.” Scott smiled extending his hand. 

Thor took it seeing that Scott was actually a kind man, but still kept his grip tight showing his dominance. 

“Yes. We’re neighboring kingdoms with Alberia. We grew up and were raised with Princess Y/N.” Thor said never breaking eye contact. 

“We would do anything for her.” Loki added. 

“Well, I’m glad. The Princess is a very special woman, and I’m glad to have made such a friend in her.” Scott said shaking Loki’s hand next. 

“Right.” Loki said with a twerked brow. “Now Scott, you do plan on keeping the agreement with Princess Y/N after this alliance is signed correct?” Loki said not letting go of Scotts hand. 

Scott looked down at the contact and caught onto what was happening. 

“Of course.” he said with only genuine looks. “Y/N said that you two were like her adopted brothers. Always keeping an eye out for her.”

“That or taking an eye out for her.” Thor shrugged his shoulders with the same smile on his lips that was now coming off as intimidating instead. “No one hurts our little Y/N. No one.” he said the last line with his smile gone.

“O-Ok…” Scott said noticing his hand was still being shook by Loki, and the grip was getting tighter. 

“Prince Scott.” A comforting voice said coming from behind the three men. 

They turned at the noise, and once Loki saw Y/N approaching them with a raised eyebrow and a smirk he dropped the hand. Scott bringing it to him and massaging the pain from the grip. 

“I hope that these two brutes are treating you kindly.” she said with her looks directed to Thor and Loki even though she was talking to Scott. 

“Uh, y-yes…” Scott said, but he was distracted by the appearance of Y/N. Just like all the other men in the room were. 

Who wouldn’t be? She was wearing a stunning dress that was mainly red and gold, the colors of Alberia. It had a stunning neckline with details and jewels shining all kinds of different colors. Same for the train of it. Caught in the right light, the mirror like jewels that looked like quails almost gave a rainbow kind of gleam to it from the light reflection. 

Her makeup was done simple, but elegant. Her eyeshadow being a metallic gold, her lashes voluminous and bringing attention to the specks of color in her eyes, and her lips stained a dark ruby red. 

To pull it all together, the crown sitting on the back of her head looked like rays of sun sprouting from her. As if each one represented a piece of light that she shined on the kingdom. 

She was superior to any other woman. The natural beauty she had was jaw dropping and the three men in front of her couldn’t seem to form a thought let alone a sentence of her presence. 

“You boys are playing nice I hope, right?” She said coming around to stand by Scott, and the men’s eyes followed her. 

“Y-Yes, of course we are.” Loki stuttered out elbowing his brother. “Right brother?”

“Y/N, you look absolutely amazing.” he said not answering Loki.

“Thank you Thor.” she giggled at their wide eyes. “You two look as handsome as ever too. You as well Prince Scott.” she said turning to him, and watching as he shook his head out of his thoughts. 

“Wh-Why, uh,” Scott coughed to try and compose himself. “Why didn’t they announce you? I figured they would announce your entrance so we could get the ceremony started.”

“No one else was announced. Why should I be?” she shrugged placing her hands in front of her and interlocking her fingers. 

“But you’re the whole reason for this ceremony.” he added. 

“As are you. Were you announced?” she said back with a smirk.

“Well, no, but-”

“See? No need to be center of attention from start to finish. Everyone will see us eventually. I mean, we are signing a pretty big contract tonight.” she winked. 

He let out a small laugh as she gave him a friendly smile. 

“Pretty big turn out. It’s crazy actually.” Y/N said looking around. “I guess we should be making our rounds, hmm?”

Scott snapped out of his thoughts once again, and extended his arm. “I guess we probably should.” he smiled. 

“Boy’s I’ll be seeing you at the after party correct?” she said to the brothers who hadn’t taken their eyes off of her. 

“If you mean our friend group staying up late until the sun comes up? Yes. You will see us there.” Loki answered. 

“Perfect. Enjoy the party. King Stark really went all out this time.” she winked before being escorted by Scott through the crowd. 

___

Y/N and Scott made their rounds for about half an hour. Explaining to those that were still lost on the concept of what the whole evening was about, and doing their best not to get annoyed when they were asked about the hundredth time why they just weren’t getting married instead. 

Of course, Y/N’s did her best to hide her snarky remarks when the older groups said that it was just insane and just a young person’s mistake to be making. The Tony Stark in her really wanted to come out, but with a squeeze on the arm from Scott, she bit her tongue. Something Tony never learned how to do. 

Throughout the time, she was trying her best to find Steve, or Bucky and Sam at least, in the crowd. The whole time though, there was no sight of any of the knights that were her friends. Maybe they had some problems with the guards to take care of. 

Then just as her patience was running dangerously low with some of the guest still prodding about the reason for the night, trumpets played calling everyone’s attention to the stage. 

“Ladies and gentleman, King Stark.” the announcer shouted. 

Tony made his way up. Completely decked out in jewels and the best royal cape a king could wear. The crown on his head the biggest and most eye catching one he had. He was really showing off for his country. Why shouldn’t he?

“Wow. A great turn out. Thank you all again for coming tonight, and I hope you’re all a little buzzed for what’s to come. If not, the drinks being passed out are free so I have no idea what you’re doing.” he smirked getting a laugh from the crowd. “Tonight isn’t about me though, like we’re use to. I would like to invite my daughter Princess Y/N Stark, and Prince Scott Summers up here so we can get this ceremony rolling.”

Lucky for Y/N and Scott, they were in the middle and not far from the stage, so it was easy to maneuver once everyone moved out of the way. 

“There they are!” Tony said gesturing to the two, and everyone applauded. 

Once on stage, the two broke apart and waved at the mass of people in front. Y/N keeping her eyes out for Steve still. She found Nat and Wanda  at the foot of the stage, close as always. She saw Morgan, Peter, and Shuri over by the food table talking, but still looking her direction. She saw Thor and Loki were talking to some other princes before turning toward the stage. She saw Peitro and Carol off in the distance, but no Clint, Bucky, Steve, or Sam. All the head knights nowhere in sight. 

“Y/N, I’ll let you explain the events of tonight.” Tony gestured patting her back and walking to stand on the side by Pepper. 

“Right.” she smiled, taking a deep breath and turning to Scott who gave a reassuring smile. “As you all know, tonight is not like most alliance forming type ceremonies. And if you don’t know that, then we have some news for you.” the crowd chuckled, but she saw the older couples/ rulers roll their eyes. “Anyway, I just want to reiterate what exactly is going to be taking place tonight.” She took a deep breath all of a sudden nervous. She was about to do something not many people dare to do because of how out of the ordinary it was. 

But just as her heart stuttered, she looked in the back seeing new people coming in the ballroom. How she saw them, she wasn’t sure but she knew who they were nonetheless. 

Steve, Bucky, and Sam had finally arrived and were walking in watching every move Y/N made. Giant grins on Bucky and Sam’s face. Steve on the other hand had a smile full of pride and admiration. Something he had on the nights on the roof, but somehow about 100000x brighter. 

Like all the air in her lungs had been replaced by Steve’s, and all the nerves had been replaced by his pride, Y/N straightened her shoulders and began her speech. 

“Many of you tonight have asked what the whole deal was. Why I decided to rule without a king arranged to rule by my side.” She sighed putting her hands together. “Because as amazing as Prince Scott here is, I felt as if if I can’t rule my own kingdom without someone's help from the outside, I shouldn't rule at all. But I know I can. I know I can do just that and marriage isn’t going to help me do it. My own brain, my own thoughts, my own strategies and understandings of this kingdom that is my home, is what is going to keep us growing and becoming stronger. I of course have the help and power of the kingdom’s people with me and I’m excited for this journey and the change that is to come.” she smiled getting a few new smiles from those that were hesitant before. “I ask the same thing that I asked the Summer’s family who has been nothing but kind this whole time.” 

She smiled at the family that was on the other side of the stage and returned it. 

“I ask that you all go into this open-minded, understanding, and positive. This is a new way of things for this time, and I believe change is the only thing that is going to keep us persevering and thriving through the future.” She paused finding Steve’s eyes again. The pride somehow still growing. “It’s ok to dive in head first and not know what to expect. It’s ok to be unsure of things. But what we have to understand, is there is no growth in just standing in one spot. We have to move forward and go all in.” 

She smiled seeing what almost looked like a gloss in Steve’s eyes at her words. Without noticing it, she too had the same gloss. 

A few moments passed before Scott put a hand on her shoulder and nodded seeing she needed a second. 

“She stole all the words I could possibly try and explain with, and made it about 1000 times better.” the crowd laughed. “Which is why I know Y/N will do amazing things. I agree completely with the princess. Because of that, I am happy and very excited to be a part of this change.” he smiled at Y/N who gave a soft smile trying to reel her feelings in. “I won’t bore you with a speech from me. Y/N is a hard act to follow, and like I said, I couldn’t have said it better than her. So.” he turned to the crowd grabbing Y/N’s hand and moving her up with him. “Shall we begin the signing?”

The crowd cheered and the couple raised their hands before moving back where advisors and lawyers were bringing the treaty to the families. 

The lawyers went through the agreements that were compromised and to be met with the signing. Taking a good amount of time to explain it out to the crowd.

“Are you all ready?” the head guy asked and motioned to both families. 

Y/N turned to her father seeing any sign of nerves from the past 2 months, completely gone. Instead replaced by how proud he was of his little girl. She was a stunning copy of her mother and in that instant, he was almost 100% sure the he saw her there right in Y/N. In a flash, his daughter was back making him honored to be next to her. 

Y/N gave a nod to her family seeing that Morgan had joined them at some point in her speech. She turned to Scott seeing him smile and offering his hand. 

She took it and they both grabbed a pen ready to sign. 

“Here and here.” 

The two signed where asked a few times here and a few times there. Then. It was done.

“I now pronounce, the Kingdom of Alberia and Turan united in a signed alliance,” the advisors said together as the princess and prince raised their joined hands.

Marvel Tags:

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[sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shelby]

Possibly my most epic DnD session yet! (now with sloppy illustrations!)

****Late-game spoilers for Hoard of the Dragon Queen****

I play as Killian Lyle. Level 6 human fighter, eldritch knight, lawful good. +4 str, con. -2 cha. You know the type.

Others in the party are: Rat-Rat, the forest gnome druid. Syrris, the wood-elf rogue. Montagor, the half-elf bard.

So, the last thing Killian did the session before was reenter a tavern our party got kicked out of and try to bribe the tavern keeper to help us get past some baddies. Big tough-looking tavern keeper grabs his weapon. *Roll initiative* End of session.

In Killian’s hands were a shield and a loaf of bread he had recently been served in that tavern. He was alone, the rest of his party discussing plans outside. We all rolled initiative, but only Killian was aware there was going to be combat so far. A couple of the party members got to go first. Basically just wandered town square, taking in surroundings. There are a whole bunch enemy guards nearby, watching, but not picking a fight with the group. 

Killian’s turn. He steps forward and tries to FORCE THE LOAF OF BREAD INTO THE GUYS MOUTH to catch him off-guard and maybe keep him quiet for a second. SMASHING SUCCESS! Guy is unable to stop me from jamming those carbs down his throat and drops his weapon. I bonus action my sword to my hand.

Tavern-keeper’s turn. DM has the guy do a con save to make sure he doesn’t CHOKE TO DEATH AND DIE!  *shit, shit, I didn’t want to kill him!!!* Luckily he saves and is able to clear his airway of bread. He starts swinging fists and misses.

Keep going in initiative order. Guest calls out “HES FIGHTING THE BARTENDER!” Most guests at the tavern flee upstairs, but 2 pull daggers and join in. Montagor the bard hears some commotion and opens the door to see Killian shoving bread down the tavern-keeper’s throat and other people moving in with weapon’s drawn. Tries playing the bagpipes nice and loud for extra diversion, but nat 1′s and pops the bag. Syrris the rogue comes in and starts quietly and *permanently* eliminating anyone attacking with a weapon. Killian tries multiple times to thunk the tavern-keeper on the head with the hilt of his sword well enough to knock him out, but the dude keeps fighting. Poor guy can’t make a single hit though. 

This fight’s going longer than Killian was hoping. He tries a different tactic: INTIMIDATE. Another smashing success. Like a 19 or something, since intimidate is his one charisma-based skill that doesn’t get a negative modifier. BARTENDER GETS A NAT 1! Surrenders. Killian backs off just before the Captain of the group of enemies walks in.

“WHAT”S GOING ON IN HERE!?”

Killian gambles on deception. NAT 20 “Some guys were fighting the tavern-keeper. We helped. They’re dead now.”

Intimidated tavern-keeper nods, says they were going to rob him.

Enemy captain thanks us for protecting his friend and leaves. WOW, DODGED A BULLET THERE!

We head out too, Killian dropping a couple of gold coins for the tavern-keeper as he heads out, and start looking for a good way to get past the guards. We’re trying to get into a GIANT ICE CASTLE that’s about to FLY AWAY. Time’s running out. I’m not sneaky, but we’re about to give it a try, see if our amazing rolls continue. We decide to peek in the giant stable that had HUGE REPTILIAN GROWLS coming from it. This would either be really bad or really good for us. 

Really good! Tied-up wyverns along one wall, riding harnesses on the other. The ice castle begins to take off. Guess we’re doing this! We smell the stink of meat from a nearby building. The rogue is unable to carry a full pig carcass herself. Killian goes to help. NAT 20! Throws a pig over one shoulder, and a sheep over the other and marches off toward the wyverns. Killian has crap animal handling skills, but Rat-Rat the druid doesn’t. Killian keeps the things distracted with bites of meat, Rat-Rat puts the harnesses on them with great success. We climb on, again without incident. And Rat-Rat is apparently a natural-born dragon-rider because he came up with an incredible plan that worked without a hitch. 

Minor-illusion the image of a fat turkey, flying just out of reach of the wyvern. Bard prestidigitation’s the smell of juicy meat coming off the “turkey”. Wyverns were eager to follow. Probably more complicated than it needed to be, but hey, it has pizzazz!

We are able to catch up to the ice castle and land they wyverns near another stable that they seemed trained to fly to. Looking around, ogres and kobolds seem to pay us no mind. Guess randos flying in on the backs of dragon things is a normal sight around here. But as it starts getting dark, creatures seem to hurry their tasks and make their way indoors. We figure we’d better do so as well. Quietly enter the first door we approach. Amazingly, nobody’s there. Not out and about anyway. There’s a comfortably furnished room right when we walk through the door, but we decide to keep exploring. Rat-Rat casts detect magic. The comfortable room has an illusory wall to an outside platform, but nothing else of note. 

We hear a familiar voice arguing with another voice in another room. A wizard we’d rather not exchange blows with if we can help it. Luckily, according to the DM’s dice rolls, they notice nothing.

Then, further down the hall we heard another familiar voice. Rezmir, the dragonborn cult leader we’ve been tracking for MONTHS. Basically in the first spot we look. Wow, really? And none of us are hurt. Most of us have all of our spell slots and other abilities still available to us. Could this be more perfect? Rat-Rat does see a bit of magic in the room in the last moments before his spell times out, but that’s to be expected, right?

There is a lock.“It looks much more complicated than any lock you’ve encountered before”, the DM tells us. But our rogue is pretty skilled in her arts. She decides to give it a try. 

“With my modifier that was a 30.″ Huh. What luck. DM said later that was a DC 25 lock. 

Rezmir was inside, sitting on her bed in her pajamas, just loving on her doggos. I mean attack drakes. Not paying us any mind whatsoever. *roll initiative*

Syrris goes first. Perfect opportunity for an assassination with her poison dagger and all those extra dice rolls she gets in just this sort of situation. She steps into the room and is SNATCHED UP AND HELD DOWN BY A SENTIENT AREA RUG! I should’ve drawn this part too because I can’t help but imagine the magic carpet from Aladdin wrestling the elf.

Anyway, fighting then ensues. Attack drakes come running, keeping the rest of the party besides the rogue out in the hall. Rezmir starts out unarmed, and shoots off a scary-looking spell at our bard. It misses and melts the wall behind him. Thank goodness it missed. Rogue takes 2 turns escaping the rug, Rezmir runs for her sword across the room. Rat-Rat’s moonbeaming Rezmir rather successfully. Killian and the Montagor are mostly in melee with the drakes, but Killian did start with a firebolt to Rezmir’s face. This fight hurts, both sides taking plenty of damage.

The rogue is taking the brunt of the damage trapped inside the bedroom with the dragonborn and that mean magic carpet. She takes it like a champ, but there’s a turn for the worse when she’s ready for healing. The bard’s starts coming to her aid, and she takes more damage, this time from the sword. Healing has no effect from that point.... The sword did something to stop her from regaining hit points, and after the significant damage from its blade, that’s bad news.

Bard and Rogue get caught in a breath attack, and the rogue goes down. Killian and Rat-Rat are still outside of the room, Killian around a corner and can’t actually see Rezmir from where he’s at. Shit. We still have one drake remaining. Killian tries his best with two attacks to eliminate it, but does min damage on both and it remains standing. Fuck it. Time for an Action Surge. Moves past the drake to where he’s in melee with Rezmir herself, stepping out from around the corner. Double attack again. Hits on both. NAT 20 ON THE SECOND! 

“How did it happen?”, the DM asks. I’m floored that I managed to down her in that hit.

“Killian steps around the corner, swinging his sword to where her saw the breath attack originate, slicing through her pajamas into the scales beneath. He then makes eye contact with her and sees the recognition in her face as she looks his way in surprise, even as he’s pulling back his sword for a second strike. Killian lunges full-force, plunging the sword right through her before she has the chance to react.”

“FOOLS!”, she cries out with her final breath as she disintegrates into ash, her sword and a couple of keys clanging to the floor where she had stood. Simultaneously an ornate chest in the far corner of the room violently explodes, destroying anything that might’ve been inside.

We rush to the Syrris, and Rat-Rat stabilizes her. Killian places her on the bed to rest. Then eyes turn toward the items Rezmir left behind. Killian voices that the rogue won’t be pleased to see the chest exploded when she regains consciousness, but doesn’t personally care much that the loot is no more. The party uses one of the keys in the pile of ash that was Rezmir to relock the room so they can use the comfortable chamber for a night of recuperation before continuing venturing back into the castle.

“Killian, I think you’re the only one of us that could wield that sword.”, Rat-Rat squeaks, pointing to the one remaining object on the ground.

The sword is jagged and black with a purple crystal in the hilt. Something about it makes Killian uneasy.

Killian replies, “A greatsword... Doesn’t really suit my fighting style. But it seems a powerful blade. ” Then he picks it up off the floor feeling powerful magic coursing through it, and hears a voice in his head.

“Hello”, the sword whispers, darkly. “You enjoyed that kill, didn’t you.”

Oh man, having my lawful good, magic fanatic, fighter boy weigh the benefits of wielding a legendary magical sword of untold power, against the moral drawback of it being intelligent and EVIL is going to be a wild ride. He has attuned to it, and we’ll see where this takes us. 

I’m still reeling from all the amazing things that happened in this session. What a day for Killian in particular. 

[randomfandomfamily]

So, people apparently try to use Dewey as a sacrifice. A lot. I’m sure that turns out fine.

Most of the time.

Tagging @sophfandoms53, because darling you are my inspiration, and @3kkh0, because you asked me very nicely not to fuck up the adorable danger dumbass.

Being tied up wasn’t an ideal situation. By far Dewey’s least favorite part of adventuring with his family, and it happened more often than he’d like. If he was tied up, he couldn’t run around and search for booby traps or bust a move whenever the team was in need of a victory dance.

It’s not that being tied up made him feel helpless or anything. He just liked being able to move. If he was tied up then he couldn’t move, and moving was required for running. Escaping. He really needed to be escaping right about now.

This wasn’t getting him anywhere. He forced himself to take a breath and clear his head. Everyone else would be here soon and voila! Rescue for Dewford Duck!

… again.

He made another attempt at wriggling out of the ropes, but to no avail. Sometimes it worked, particularly newer religions who hadn’t had much experience, but this was an ancient tribe. Needless to say, they were pretty good at tying knots.

Giving up on trying to get out of the ropes, he stood up and started looking for a way out of the… pit… cage? It was a hole in the ground with a bunch of branches woven together to keep him in. He wasn’t sure why they bothered with the branch thing. After a few failed attempts it became pretty obvious that he wasn’t going to be able to climb out.

“Ugh,” Dewey groaned as he leaned against the dirt wall. “What do these guys even want?”

Huey and Uncle Scrooge weren’t there to answer his question, so he tried to remember what they had said in the plane on the way there. It was a tribe–a really old one–that believed in some all-powerful god. Classic ancient tribe stuff.

Whether or not the god was real was up for debate. Dewey had met a couple of gods before, so it wasn’t impossible. But the only reason this tribe believed in this stupid god was because they managed to get their hands on some magic spear a really long time ago.

According to Uncle Scrooge, this thing couldn’t miss. No matter how you threw the spear, it would nail the target every time. So now they were looking for the spear because… adventure. Also, super cool weapon.

Huey and Webby had talked the whole way there about rituals of the tribe and how their hierarchy worked, but Dewey hadn’t been paying attention. He heard god and spear and pretty much checked out of the conversation.

He was mostly just excited about the adventure part of the whole ordeal.

A rustling made him glance back up. A pair of painted masks removed the woven branches and stared down at him.

Considerably less excited at this point.

“So!” Dewey said nonchalantly. “Do I get to leave the hole, or-” He was interrupted by one of the tribe members grabbing him by the ropes secured around his torso. “Hey! Ow! Easy with the merchandise, guys.”

Well, at least he was out of the hole now. The sun was dangerously close to completely disappearing behind the horizon, and torches were being lit up around the tribe’s village.

He still wasn’t worried, though. Even if it was getting kinda dark. It would be harder to locate the tribe, sure, but come on. This was his family, all experienced adventurers. They’d still be able to find him, easy.

“You know you’re in big trouble as soon as my family shows up, right?” Dewey asked. He was ignored and led towards the middle of the tribe’s village. “My friend Webby could take you guys, no problem. And my Uncle Donald? Oh hoooo, buddy, he’ll tear this place apart.”

More tribe members started emerging from the primitive huts. There were a lot more of them than he thought. But it would be nothing for his family of adventurers. Plus! Launchpad had even joined them for this one, so they were even more prepared.

He glanced around for any sign of his family. Nothing so far, but that wasn’t so unusual. The point of rescue varied from adventure to adventure. Some days busting him out of the cage, other times a dramatic save from the altar.

Personally, he wasn’t a fan of that second option. Not that he didn’t trust his family to save him, it was just a little more nerve-wracking. Not scary, of course. He wasn’t scared of these people and their magic spear. He was Dewey Duck. He wasn’t afraid of anything.

Dewey spotted a small group of tribe members with drums.”Oh! You guys have music set up for the occasion? You really know how to have a good time.” One burly tribesman glared down at him. Dewey brushed off how uneasy he felt. “What kind of sacrifice is this, anyway? No, wait, let me guess. You’re going to… stab me with the magic spear?”

They didn’t answer, but a chant had started to rise, low voices muttering nonsense. Dewey hated the chanting. It was so unsettling.

Too unsettling. Time to distract himself. “You know, stabbing has got to be my favorite kind of sacrifice. Simple, yet effective. Less is more, know what I’m saying?”

He was bad at this. It was easy to talk to people that liked him, but it was hard to talk himself out of trouble. That’s what Louie was good at. Louie knew how people acted, what to say get people on his side, or at least get them to not kill him.

But Dewey didn’t understand people like that. He didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t have the skills to get himself out of the situation like Webby. And he certainly didn’t have Huey’s resourcefulness, either.

Maybe that’s why he was getting taken all the time. It was just so glaringly obvious that he’d be the easiest target.

Dewey clenched his fists at his sides. Not now. He could re-evaluate his worth later. After he was back at the mansion. And tomorrow he could pretend he got a full night’s sleep, when he actually just spent hours staring out his window and counting stars.

He spotted the spear. Some guy with a big leafy-looking crown was holding it. Definitely the leader, but not the sacrifice guy. Huey called them priests, Louie called them cultists, but Dewey didn’t really care what they were called, he just wished they’d stop trying to use him in sacrifices.

Though, he supposed it was better him than some other rando they found in the woods. He had people that would look for him. And find him. Hopefully soon.

“Okay, so the big guy over there has the spear,” Dewey said. He was trying to stall, but it wasn’t really working. “But he’s kinda standing all the way over there with the spear, so how’s this sacrifice going to…” He watched the guy in the crown pass the spear over to a guy in an ornate cape. Also made of leaves, somehow. “Never mind. I guess that’s how it’s going to work.”

There wasn’t a traditional altar, just a simple wooden post in the middle of the platform. It made sense, actually. Most sacrifices were done with a knife, but with a spear? That wouldn’t really work laying down.

Dewey shook his head to clear his thoughts. Now wasn’t the time to be complimenting the tribe on their practical methods of sacrifice, he needed to think. He’d run this course so many times, way more times than he should have, he should be able to think this through.

First thing, getting untied. The light from the torches caught something on the ground in front of him. Discarded spearhead. It was either from someone’s broken weapon or one that just never got attached to anything, but whatever the case, it was good news for him.

All he had to do was grab it. Feigning the trip was easy enough for an actor as brilliant as he was, but he nearly missed the narrow window of opportunity to snatch the spearhead off the ground before the two tribespeople leading him towards his doom quickly yanked him back to his feet.

“Sorry guys,” Dewey said easily, holding the sharp stone tightly in his hand. “Lost my balance for a sec there.” The stone was digging into his hand, but he couldn’t afford to loosen his grip in case someone saw it.

He scanned the trees while painted masks started securing him to there post. Where was everybody? They were usually here by now. It was starting to look like he was gonna have to get out of this one himself. Which was fine, obviously, he’d done that before.

There was a moment of panic when they were tying his hands behind him that he thought someone saw the stone. To his relief, they backed off the platform without giving him a second glance. As soon as they left to join the rest of the chanters, he set to work trying to get the ropes off.

It always looked easier in the movies. The movies didn’t show how bad the rope chafed your skin when you worked the stone back and forth. And they didn’t show how much the rock slipped because you can’t see what you’re doing, either.

The chanting was starting to get louder. This was bad. Not bad enough for him to start panicking, because he never ever panicked, but it was still kinda bad.

“You guys are seriously gonna regret this,” Dewey warned. “My family is out looking for me. They’re about to find me, I guarantee it.” His gaze darted to the treeline. Still no sign of anyone.

If it was just Uncle Scrooge, Webby, and his brothers like it used to be, he’d assume they were trying to ambush the tribe. But Uncle Donald, his mother, and Launchpad were on this mission. And no offense to any of them, he loved them dearly, but stealth wasn’t their strong suit.

So if he couldn’t hear Uncle Donald yelling or Launchpad crashing through the trees, that meant they weren’t here. And if they weren’t here…

Bad. This was actually bad. He tried to think of something to say, literally anything, but the words weren’t coming out any more. The only thing he could do was reassure himself that his family was going to be there soon. They always were.

Unless they weren’t.

The priest-cult-whatever-he-was held up the spear. Under normal circumstances, Dewey could count on the darkening sky and flickering firelight to obscure their vision enough to maybe miss. But this was a spear that couldn’t miss.

Baaaaaaaaad. Bad bad bad. Really bad.

The arm holding the spear pulled back to throw just as Dewey heard the ropes finally snap. He shook his hands free and ducked just as the spear flew over his head.

He couldn’t hear much over his own heartbeat pounding in his ears, but he was pretty sure the chanting was turning into angry shouting. And if they were gonna be angry anyway, then he might as well take their special spear while he made his escape, right?

The seconds it took to pull the magic spear out of the post cost him, but he was sure Uncle Scrooge would be happy he managed to grab it. The normal spear that grazed his left arm wasn’t a big deal. Angry people with spears were all part of adventuring and definitely manageable.

There wasn’t much left to do but run. “So long, crazy sacrifice people!” He called as he jumped off the platform. “I’m off to- whoa!” He realized his mistake the instant he hit the ground. The spear wasn’t going to let up until it hit the target, and it hadn’t hit him yet.

Why didn’t he leave it in the stupid post?

It was a struggle to run and stop the spear he was holding from impaling him. He wasn’t sure how to make it stop, but stumbling earned him another spear that he didn’t quite dodge in time. He was only vaguely aware that his right shoulder was hit, but he was sure he’d feel the sting as soon as the adrenaline wore off, which wouldn’t be any time soon considering he was getting chased.

“Stop. Stop it.” He hid behind a tree and pushed the spear away from himself. “Ah, if Webby were here, she’d know how to fix this.” Taking the spear with both hands, he forced the tip of the spear to face the ground. “Alright, think.

“You’re Dewey Duck, the world’s greatest eleven year old adventurer. You can figure this out.” The sound angry shouts grew closer at an alarming rate. “Okay, I can figure this out in a minute.” He took off running again, trying to make as little noise as possible.

Talking was usually how he coped with stress. He’d pretty much been talking since he got separated from his family. That probably wasn’t a good idea at the moment, but he couldn’t help muttering to himself anyway. It was hardly a whisper, really, but it kept his fear to reasonable levels.

“Fear?” He muttered as he shoved aside the underbrush in his way. “Since when do I deal with fear? I don’t do fear. I am not afraid.” The light from a torch barely registered before the painted face appeared. Dewey scrambled to back up and keep running. “Not that way!”

Still not afraid. Absolutely not afraid. Would his Uncle Scrooge be afraid? No way! So he just had to concentrate on not getting stabbed by this stupid magic spear.

Though, in hindsight, maybe he should’ve concentrated on running, too. It didn’t occur to him that running blindly through the woods in the dark wasn’t a good idea until he was already rolling down the hill.

Good news, he covered a lot of ground with how quickly he descended the slope. Bad news, there were a lot more things hurting now. He was pretty sure his back had hit a rock on the way down, which very effectively knocked the wind out of him. Not to mention he was about seventy-six percent sure his leg was gonna have a nasty bruise and-

He was forgetting something.

His blurry vision cleared up just in time to see the spear he dropped speeding towards him from above. He rolled to his left to dodge it. And, thanks to his incredible adventuring skills, he did dodge it. Mostly. He mostly dodged it. And mostly dodging it was totally fine. If you got mostly correct answers on a test, you still got a good grade.

Bright side. He needed a bright side to this.

“Come on, get up,” Dewey scolded himself. “Spear hit me in the side, and that’s not great. Bright side. It’s not stuck in my side, it’s stuck in the ground.” He used the spear to stand himself back up. “And bonus, if it hit me, then its job is done. Which means I can safely carry it back to… um…”

Where was he again? He was pretty sure he was headed back in the right direction when he first started running, but now…

“Great,” Dewey said bitterly. “Okay, wait, this is still fine. Everyone’s probably out looking for me still. I’m bound to run into someone eventually. I just have to keep walking.” Distant shouts made him shudder. “Never mind. I’m running.”

He took about two steps and nearly fell again. He had to plant the spear in the ground to keep himself from falling over. “Never mind again. Running is not happening.” Walking was still a pain, but considerably easier than full-on running.

If Huey were here he’d probably say something smart. Like how Dewey should probably take a piece of cloth to try and stop the bleeding in his side.

Fortunately, his shirt was already ripped from the spear. He paused to take off his short-sleeved overshirt and tore it up so that it could tie around his torso. It probably wasn’t the best patch job, but it’d work until he found the others.

Unfortunately, his family was a little harder to find than he thought they’d be. He considered shouting to see if anyone could hear him, but given the tribe of people he had robbed of a sacrifice and a magic spear, yelling seemed like a bad idea.

Not that they wouldn’t catch up to him eventually anyway. His progress was getting slower by the second. They’d figure out where he was sooner or later and-

That was a torch.

Dewey nearly tripped for what seemed like the hundredth time and stood behind the truck of a tree. He rubbed at his eyes furiously, trying to force back the tears that sprang into his eyes after he tripped. Much like everything else that was happening to him right now, crying would be bad.

The light swung in his direction. If Dewey were allowed to curse, he would have. Because really, how stupid did you have to be to trip while you were being chased? This was, like, the bajillionth time.

Probably the last time too.

A very irrational part of his brain forced him to close his eyes, like the light would disappear if he couldn’t see it. The logic was every bit as sound as hiding under his covers, convinced that the hoodie Louie left on the chair was a monster, but logic wasn’t exactly his area of expertise.

He could hear someone walking close by. If his mother and Uncle Donald were here, they would tell him to be brave or something. That was usually so easy for him. So why did it feel like his throat was starting to close up?

Dewey slid down the truck of the tree and sat on the ground. He was scared. It felt ridiculous and stupid, but his side hurt and it was dark and he couldn’t find his family and he was scared.

The sound of footsteps were closer now. Like, really close. Way too close. Dewey tightened his grip on the spear. Usually he would love an excuse to wield a magic weapon, but not tonight.

The tears he had been trying so desperately to hold back started to slip out. He couldn’t stop them even if he wanted to.

He could hear whoever was holding the torch just on the other side of the tree. Clamping a hand over his mouth to stop any noise from coming out, Dewey waited for the footsteps to pass.

By some miracle, they actually did pass. They walked right by him. Dewey was sure they’d hear his heartbeat, and he nearly collapsed in relief when the footsteps receded, but he forced himself to stand up.

And then he ran. He didn’t care if his side hurt or not, he wanted to find his family. He wanted to give Uncle Scrooge this stupid spear and never look at it ever again.

A low rumbling caught his attention. “The plane,” Dewey said breathlessly. He changed directions and ran towards the sound. Normally he’d try for a grand entrance, but he was way too relieved to care.

Now, Launchpad had been told to stay with the plane while the others looked for Dewey. He hadn’t expected to be the one that saw Dewey first. But the duck that stumbled into view was undoubtedly his best friend and boy was it good to see him.

“Dewey!” Launchpad jumped up and waved enthusiastically. “There you are! I haven’t seen you in forever!” He frowned as he noticed Dewey looked a little less-than-fantastic. “You don’t look so good.”

The younger duck laughed weakly. “Trust me, I’m doing much better now.” He was using a spear as a walking stick. When did Dewey get a spear? Launchpad didn’t remember him having a spear before. “Where is everyone else?”

“Looking for you,” Launchpad answered. “And a magic spear that never misses. I’m here with the plane in case we have to make a quick… getaway.” He smiled brightly. “Oh hey! You’ve got the magic spear! Awesome! Mr. McD will- oh geez.” Launchpad reached out and steadied Dewey, who was right on the verge of falling over. “You really don’t look so good.”

Dewey clung to the sleeve of Launchpad’s jacket with his free hand. “I’m fine,” he whispered in a quivering voice, “I just wanna go home.”

Launchpad immediately scooped him up. It wasn’t very hard, Dewey was light and very small. It still made him uneasy to feel Dewey curl into him like he was scared to look anywhere. He relaxed a slight bit once they were in the plane, but not much.

Deciding the spear wasn’t important at the moment, Launchpad took it and tossed it somewhere. Mr. McD would probably take care of it whenever he got back. “Wait,” Dewey protested, “The spear-”

“I don’t think you need a spear,” Launchpad put Dewey down in the pilot’s seat, “I think you need to sit there for a minute.”

Launchpad could admit that he wasn’t very good at adventuring. Crashing? Yes. Piloting? Debatable. But one thing he did know how to do was use a first aid kit. When you ran into things as much as he did, you learned to patch yourself up.

Dewey cleared his throat when he saw Launchpad pull out the red box. “Launchpad, you really don’t have to-”

“I think I kinda do actually.” Launchpad sat in the co-pilot’s seat and opened the first aid kit. “What happened out there anyway? You look like you got hit by… something.”

“Oh, you know, just normal adventure stuff.” Dewey held out his left arm when Launchpad motioned for it. “Crazy people in the woods wanted a sacrifice and I was the easiest target.”

Launchpad hummed thoughtfully while he worked. “Did you escape on your own?”

“Yeah, nobody had found me yet.” Dewey shrugged. “Que the chase scene, blah blah blah, I feel down a hill and now I’m here.”

“How’d you get the spear if they were all chasing you?”

Dewey hesitated. “They may have… you know, thrown it. At me.”

Launchpad laughed as he finished bandaging Dewey’s arm. “Wow! And Mr. McD said that the spear never missed. Lucky you, huh?”

“It didn’t miss, Launchpad.” Dewey lifted the hem of his long-sleeved shirt. “Huey would probably have a heart attack if he saw this, but it was dark and I don’t really know how-” He winced as he untied the blue cloth around his torso. “Anyway, they threw the spear at me but I ducked and it ended up sticking in a wooden post.

“And I probably should’ve left it there,” Dewey said as he let the shredded remnants of his shirt fall to the floor. “But I wasn’t really thinking, so I pulled it out. I fell down a hill and uh… well, the spear never misses, right?”

Launchpad rummaged through the first aid kit. “I don’t think Huey’s the only one who’s going to have a heart attack.”

Dewey sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

“I mean, you should have seen your mom. She’s never seen one of you guys be used as a sacrifice before.” Launchpad shook his head. “I bet she’s still freaking out. And Donald too. And Mr. McD and Webby and your brothers and…” He noticed Dewey’s eyes starting to water. “This is… not helping, is it?”

“Reminding me that everyone was worried because I’m useless and can’t take care of myself?” Dewey snapped. “Yeah, no, not helping.” He groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. “I-I’m sorry, Launchpad, I didn’t mean to get mad.”

“S’okay,” Launchpad said as he bandaged Dewey’s side. “And I don’t think y-” He was interrupted by a pained shout. “Are you-”

Dewey waved him off. “Fine,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’m fine, it… it just hurts.”

“Almost done,” Launchpad promised. Nothing was deep enough to need stitches, thankfully. He wasn’t sure he could do that. Still, it was pretty bad. “As I was saying: I don’t think you’re useless.”

Dewey tentatively touched the bandages over his injured side. “You’re only saying that because you’re my best friend.”

“No, I’m saying it because it’s true.” Launchpad swatted Dewey’s hand away from the new bandage. “And nobody else thinks it either.”

“Launchpad, you can’t know what other people think.”

He shrugged and set to work on Dewey’s shoulder. “That may be true, but that doesn’t mean I’m not right.”

Dewey’s brow furrowed. “I don’t get it.”

“And now we’re even.” Launchpad closed up the first aid kit and stood to put it back.

“That isn’t how it works,” Dewey said.

“Why not?” Launchpad asked as he tucked the small box away. “You’re always doing the brave stuff. Bein’ all cool and dangerous. That’s important for adventuring.”

Dewey rolled his eyes. “Everyone does the dangerous stuff. Even Uncle Donald!” He leaned back in the pilot’s seat. “I’m just doing it dumber, and I get into more trouble than I should. I’m not as smart as Huey, Louie, and Webby.”

Launchpad sat back down. “That’s not-”

“Don’t say it’s not true,” Dewey interrupted. “Look at me!” He threw out his arms angrily. “Does this look like a smart adventurer to you?”

“What? Just because you got hurt?” Launchpad asked. “You think Mr. McD got out of every adventure without a scratch? That guy’s almost died more times than I can count, and I haven’t even been working with him for that long.”

Dewey let his arms fall. “I hear what you’re saying, but it… I just-” He sighed and buried his face in his hands. “I still feel like crap.”

“I think it’s okay to feel like crap sometimes,” Launchpad said. “If it makes you feel any better, you just brought back a spear that Mr. McD has been trying to track down for years. I’m only here because he thought he might need the extra muscle, but you did it all by yourself.”

“I mean…” Dewey peered between his hands at the spear Launchpad had tossed aside. “I… yeah. I did do that.” The barest trace of a smile appeared. “Guess that was pretty cool, huh?”

“Definitely cool,” Launchpad agreed. “And you can tell your brothers how cool you are when they get back.”

Dewey nodded slowly. “That is kind of my thing, isn’t it? Being all cool and dangerous and stuff.” He looked up at Launchpad. “Thanks.”

Launchpad reached over and ruffled Dewey’s hair. “That’s what friends are for. Friends are also for hugs. Do you want a hug?” Dewey nodded, and Launchpad scooped him up for the second time that day.

He wasn’t sure how long they sat there, but it was long enough for Dewey to finally–finally–stop trembling like a leaf in a storm. Even then, neither party seemed keen on letting go.

It wasn’t until after Dewey had fallen asleep that Launchpad remembered that the radio in the plane was connected to the walkie-talkies everyone else was carrying. He wished he had remembered it sooner, but better late than never.

“Launchpad to uh… everyone. Can you guys hear me?”

“Aye, we can hear ye. What’re you doin’ on th’ line?”

“Hi Launchpad!”

“Loud and clear on our end.”

“Dewey made it back to the plane,” he told them. “And he got the spear, too.”

“Wait, really?”

“Uncle Donald, Launchpad found Dewey!”

“Uuuugh, we did all this work for nothing.”

“We’re on our way back, lad. Don’t let that nephew of mine go runnin’ off again.”

Launchpad glanced down at Dewey. “Well, he’s actually asleep, so I don’t think that will be a problem.”

“Asleep? Why is he asleep?”

“Long day,” Launchpad said. “I’ll explain once everyone gets back.”