#& my mother said im ugly when i was younger once | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mskimkaty · 4 years ago

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I AM THAT GIRL

angst, slight fluff, smut

WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, MENTAL ILLNESS, SUICIDE, SELFHARM, DRAMA, SMUT, VANILA SMUT, SWEARING, KIM JENNIE IS A BITCH HERE AND SO OTHER MENTION REAL LIFE PEOPLE BUT ITS PURELY FICTIONAL.

synopsis:Johnny Suh, the most popular boy in college, tried to take his life? what could possibly go wrong with his wealthy background, popularity, and basically having everything in the palm of his hands?

expected word count: 12,692

release date: 01/18/21 (somehow, got deleted. so Im reposting)

details: college!au, strangers to friends to lovers!au.

JohnnySuh x reader.

Johnny Suh walked the hallways in his college ground and not one passerby gives him the freedom to do his business. Students give him a look of pity, as acquaintances try to give him fake words of comfort that disgustingly crawls at the back of his skin.

They were just into the gossip, but they never really care. It was obvious from how they whisper behind his back for looking out of place and out of character, he could see their mocking gazes every time he walks past them.

he pulled his hood up and covered his old blonde hair now dyed into jet black, the usual smile plastered on his lips was now in a tight line and was placed the usually friendly demeanor with a scowl on his face.

people are staring, not in a good way, but because he looks ridiculous in their minds.

"Youngho, if you need anything, I'd gladly do it for you." Johnny heard his Korean name roll of someone's lips and now he feels disgusted with himself for the 9th time that day, he was back to zero and the acid rushes past his throat and he might vomit with the anxiety building up in the pit of his stomach upon hearing his birth name. He halts his movements and turns around to face Kim Jennie.

How does she have the nerve to say that when she cheated on him with Jongin? He treated him like a brother. Her hands travel on his biceps, the usual warmth he felt in the past now buried at the back of his memories, and now, he's just disgusted with her. He ignored her and continued walking past her, Jennie's peers were instantly beside her to console her with words of comfort because her ex-lover practically brushes her off like she was nothing.

You didn't expect a drama unfolding in front of you while standing in your locker area, Christmas break was finally over, and now students are back putting their noses in other people's business. Especially, Johnny Suh's business.

You shrugged your shoulders and walks back to your class, this is definitely a way to start your first day at this University.

Johnny sat at the far back of the room, sporting unusual dark clothing rather than the usual light colors of his wardrobe, the professor walks in, shaking his head upon seeing him at the back completely not understanding how Johnny's mind works.

Johnny knows, just by the look his professor is giving at him, he knew and have seen that twice already — he couldn't control the urge to stand up harshly making the chair he was using falls down to the ground as he walks to the door not bothering to look back, stunning everybody in the room.

When Johnny came back to school after his attempt, he felt more pulled down in the darkest pit inside him, he was unhappy more than he did when he was attempting. The funny part? when people knew about his attempt, people started flocking around him as they cared, but it was obvious. They just wanted to be with him because of his surname and money.

Even Jennie did not differ from the other students trying to impress him. The sad part about it is that he genuinely liked her, but she was just up for it because of the money and fame, and maybe the good fuck. His friends were no different, people might think that he's happy being the captain of the football team, but his life was toxic with every moment. He was in more pain than ever, his friends who were his teammates low-key discarded him thinking he's a freak saying he needed to seek attention.

Johnny knew that they weren't practically saying that to his face, but they were showing it.

They weren't wrong, he knew that, but it was different. They were all trying to impress him, worshiping the ground he walks on and now he's on the rocky side of the road, they drop him? because their parents told them to?

Johnny empties his locker, blindly shoving everything in his duffle bag when his best friend, Kim Jongin, walks inside. He hardly shoved everything inside his bag and harshly closed his locker's door, scowling at the older boy.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" he heard him. "This isn't you at all, why are you suddenly changing? Johnny, I already said I'm sorry." that's the ugly fact. People around him are blind enough not to notice the slight changes in him and the little signs that he wasn't mentally stable.

"This isn't an apology. You're asking me to suck it up. It's Different."

Lunch came and Johnny has nowhere to go, not with all the pity looks the student body is giving him, he had a take-out for his meal and had his lunch alone in an empty room. deciding he has no appetite to eat something, he walked out of the building and drove out to Nakamoto Yuta's basement. He's supposed to be dead two weeks before this day, but here he was, seeking for Yuta's dirty business.

"Johnny Suh." Nakamoto Yuta was known for his dirty business around campus, selling overpriced illegal transactions under the table, tattoos, and piercing. "Stop talking like I'm some god. No god would try to kill himself."

"figures."

"I don't understand, how are you still in the university and not behind bars?" Johnny asks after taking a long drag on his blunt.

"This is the only way to have food on the table, and I need to graduate. I rather do these than sell my body."

Sadly enough when Johnny checked his phone, no calls or messages from his parents. As cliche as it sounds, he wants his father to check on him but after seeing him in his room bathed in his blood on the ground, his father drifted more away from him.

When he got home that night, his family was having dinner without him, his younger sister, Yerim, ran up to him and hugged him. "Oppa, where have you been? I've been calling you." his sister was the only purest being for him, and he distances himself around her, he doesn't want him to expose her to things that only he knew.

"Yerim, go to your room." the impersonal voice of their father surrounds the dining area and Yerim flinch. looking up to his eyes before walking away.

Kim Ji hoon walks up to him and looks at him with disdain. "Stop being a disgrace, If you can't act like your invisible. I don't need a disgrace in this house." It wasn't new to Johnny anymore.

His father may not be vocal about it in the past but he knew that his father doesn't want him to breathe the same air he does, if God may allow it, he knows that his father wanted him dead, he wanted his father to acknowledged him, and he did everything, that was when Johnny was kissing up to his reputation of being the good son, ace-ing all his grades, being the captain of the football team, doing unnecessary extracurricular activities for extra points, being the good boyfriend, good friend, good son, and a good brother, but it was all too much for him, he felt that he was borrowing someone's life to the point that he doesn't recognize him anymore.

His father hated him so much that he didn't even give him his last name, and the ugly part about it is that Johnny understood his father because he was the reason his mother died. "You can't even do one thing properly, and now everyone living in this town knows about you killing yourself."

"Are you saying that I didn't properly kill myself?" he wanted to vomit. He chuckled as he ran his hands down his locks. "Go fuck yourself," he murmured and walk down to the guest room where he was temporarily sleeping, his step-mother hasn't asked the helpers to clean his room's carpet that is still bathed in his blood, he looked at his wrist that is covered in a bandage, the ugly reminder that he was unhappy and that there is no saving from this anymore. Finding the reason to wake up was hard enough and going to school was another thing, but he did anyway.

People still gossip behind his back, ugly as it sounds, people are disgustingly twisted. He smirked upon hearing he still looked hot as fuck with black hair, one student saying she would gladly do him, blonde or black.

"Jennie must have cheated knowing that he's a freak."

"hey, he might hear you, lower your voice."

"He needs to seek professional help."

"I don't understand him at all. His popular, his ex-girlfriend was fucking hot, he's rich, has great looks, and has a hella hot of a sister." something snapped inside him when he heard some asshole talked disgustingly about his sister.

Before he could even think properly, Johnny repulsively pushed the guy up to the wall. "The hell!" the stranger shouted as the other students stop to stare.

"Did you fucking talked about my sister like that?"

People are staring not because of an aggressive man pushing a full-grown body against the wall like it's nothing. it's not uncommon to see a fistfight for the entire student body to see, people are staring because, Johnny Suh, for once stunned everybody with his demeanor that is completely out of his character. Yes, he is a big guy, but he was kind, sweet, and friendly, so Johnny using force for the first time against someone was a sight to see, added to the fact that this is the first time people heard him cursing, and If eyes could kill already, the guy who talked shit about his sister is practically dead right now, he would brush it off in the past, blindly ignoring gossip about him but this is the first time that someone disrespects his sister right in front of his face and definitely, it is the first time that he gave less fuck about his reputation.

Johnny stared at the man that lacks the urge to answer him, him sending shivers down the stranger's spine. He manhandled the guy and throw him down the floor. "You had the nerve to run that filthy mouth against my sister but doesn't have the balls to answer when I'm confronting you?" he smirked and walked away.

Johnny spent the whole week going to the university but doesn't bother attending his classes, he doesn't want to be left alone at home but doesn't want to go to his classes. He just lost every motivation to do something productive.

Johnny walked his usual path these past few days, going to an empty room on the 4th floor of the Marketing's building to kill time, he gently pushed open the door and saw you changing your clothes. You were almost done, putting your white dress shirt over your shoulder without noticing that you're giving a stranger a free show.

Johnny freezes up, staring and lingering more than usual. He was mesmerized by how your skin glistens under the light slipping through the windows, but what made him stop on his track is the lack of hair you have in your body. It's just smooth skin all over your body.

When you felt someone behind you, you turn your body around to look at the intruder, you saw someone and instantly locked eyes with him. At first, you were scared of seeing Suh Johnny behind you, Johnny got a full view of your unbuttoned shirt and your chest clad in your undergarments. it's not like you saw a ghost, he didn't die per se, but then it has drawn to you, that Johnny, in the flesh, saw you changing clothes. Your reflex acts up and you turn yourself away from him, pulling your clothes to hug yourself, you fix your buttons as you run out to get out of the embarrassment.

The next day, you went to your usual spot in the library to eat your lunch when you saw somebody sitting on your chair. You shrug your shoulders and sit across the stranger who had his head tucked in his arms on the table. You were excited to eat your favorite sandwich because your mother specially made it for you, it was a rare moment given your mother raised you and your sibling alone, having to work two jobs at a time just to put food on the table and to send you to a good school. You appreciate her and love her with all your heart, she was the only one you had next to your older brother, you were good at being invisible, it was your last semester at the university. Trying to finish one subject and your practicum silently like you didn't exist at all. You laughed at the fact that you had no one in this damn hell, but you didn't care.

You started eating your sandwich in silence while opening a good book to read, you were happy in your bubble. Johnny must have heard you as you flip pages after pages. His stomach growling after registering the wonderful smell coming from his surroundings. When he lifts his head, his eyes flicked to your form, silently eating while reading a book, you were so happy in your little bubble, giggling while reading. He straightens his back and you notice the guy across you, putting a face in the stranger who sleeps across you.

A blush crept up on your face when you realize it was Johnny again, you remembered the recent events that happened between the both of you, and your embarrassed ass started coughing hard, you hold your neck rather than reaching for the bottled water in front of you as you choke none stop in front of him. He was left dumbfounded for a couple of seconds but reach for the bottle and unclasp it before handing it to you, you chugged half the contents down your throat and he watched you with fascination.

"Thank you." You said in a small voice.

You put the bottle back in its place as silence hangs in the air, it wasn't a bad kind of silence, but it was awkward. You offer him the other half of your sandwich as you watch him look at you questioningly. "Your hungry." It wasn't a question. You knew he was hungry given you kept hearing his stomach growling a while ago. "You know a little food won't hurt you right?"

Johnny laughs at your ironic statement but accepts your offer anyway, "Don't get your hopes up, I'm not up for a casual relationship." he says as you thought that he wouldn't accept your offer, given that he's rich and can buy a much better lunch than what you're currently having, but then again, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

"I was just offering you food."

"Thanks." When he finished your sandwich rather quickly, he went back to sleeping in front of you. He liked hearing the sound of you flipping pages after pages as you read your book silently in front of him and the occasional giggle you let out when read something funny. When he woke up to go home, you were gone, but you left your coat as you hung it around his shoulders to keep him warm.

When he came back the day after, in the library, you didn't come back.

The next morning, Johnny awoke earlier than usual, heading to his car without giving a glance at his family, Yerim saw him and was rather puzzled at the baby pink coat he was holding delicately in his arms. He drove fast to get to the university, walking inside the library to wait for you if ever you were going to be there again.

Lunch came, and your guess was right, you see the same blacked haired boy taking a nap in your usual spot with your coat right beside him. You sat across him again and started minding your business, but this time, you had another bag of sandwiches repaired for him. You weren't ignorant about Johnny's attempt, but you choose to respect his space, you knew that he wasn't mentally stable yet. He might look fine outside and you might not know what goes inside his head, but you knew that he isn't fine. No one's mentally stable, everybody has their hardships in their private lives going on right now, but the important thing is that people shouldn't use it against someone, and as long as they don't step on other people to feel better for themselves then it's good.

You might not understand what he's going through right now, you weren't friends, to begin with, but you feel for him. Sincerely.

Johnny felt peaceful for once after many years, it was an odd feeling, but it wasn't bad. You were browsing your phone, checking your emails and your mother's, clearing and archiving unimportant ones. You look at the time and it was already half past lunchtime. Wednesday is a pain in the ass for you, you have to wait for 5 hours until your next class in the afternoon. You didn't notice Johnny waking from his nap, seeing as you still haven't touched the sandwich bags in front of you, he's guessing you still haven't eaten.

"I'm Johnny."

You look at the man in front of you, his usual strawberry locks are now turned into black, sporting a gray hoodie over his black shirt and matching gray track pants. You study his expression, his not extending his hands for a handshake nor his face valid of any emotion, yet you smile and said "What happened to not being in a casual relationship?"

Johnny was taken back, you give him the sweetest smile you could offer and handed him the extra sandwich you had, "You know, some people would reply with their names." he said as he accepts the food that you offered, you look at him as if contemplating before speaking.

"Y/n"

"I'm not sure, but what department are you from?" he asked after taking a bite of his food. "This is good, by the way. Who made this?"

"What question do you want me to answer first?" you asked laughing. "My mom made it, and I'm from the same department as you, Though, I just transferred to this school after the Holidays,

If he was shocked he didn't show it, Johnny nods his head as if acknowledging you, "I just want time to pass by quickly and silently, that's why no one knows I exist here. I'm just trying to live another day until I graduate." You said making Johnny fall silent.

"Good for you," he replied after a good minute with the both of you munching on your foods. "Was it hard?" he asked.

"What is?"

"You don't seem to have anyone, do you even have friends?" you laughed at his statement because it was the truth. "Yeah, something like that. It wasn't that bad I might have no friends because I choose not to have any relationships with anybody in here."

"That sucks, I'm not going to ask the reason why you transferred in the middle of the semester because that's your business, not mine," he says, you study his face and you weren't sure whether to run your mouth over his business or not, deciding against it you stood up and take your things with you. "Let me show you something."

Walking down the stairs while both of you kept a little distance, you lead him to the visual room, pulling the keys in your backpack and unlocking it. "Why do you have a key to the AVR?" he asks bewildered.

"Perks of being the teacher's pet," you replied as you pulled him inside, turning the computer and projector on, you played a video about constellations and aimed the projector above.

Stars hover above the two of you and you urge him to lay down beside you, looking up and taking a moment of peace to embrace both of you.

"When things get hard and I tend to be alone; let's be honest, no one wants to feel lonely, especially at the hardest times of our lives. But then, you can't force someone to be there with you physically and emotionally and it sucks to have yourself suck it up for being alone. So, I do this, I take my time staring at these constellations. You see, they're really beautiful to me. I find them fascinating, they have this beautiful meaning behind them, it was always fun finding their patterns, connecting them until they're complete, you just have to look closely, in that way, you'll appreciate them more." you smile while pointing above you, he might not look at you but your presence beside him does him wonders, it was so powerful that even if he closes his eyes, he still feels you beside him. The warmth he was feeling coming from you, your steady breathing, and your sweet scent.

You spent your Mondays and Wednesdays with Johnny, eating lunch together, or spending time as you watch different constellations every week.

Friday morning, you made a quick detour to your department before clocking in for your practicum, before leaving the premises a professor asked you for a favor and you agreed to make a copy of the files she was asking for. When you came back from the printing room, you saw a commotion ahead. It wasn't you to pry on other people's business, but your legs must have their mind when you saw a familiar tall build that is clad in a black hoodie.

Johnny Suh stands in the middle with Kim Jongin and Kim Jennie on the other side. He was hyperventilating.

"Just leave, please." Kim Jongin shouted at him, you can see the obvious horror written on everyone's faces. Kim Jennie was stuck beside Jongin as she shed tears silently, disbelief written in Johnny's face.

"Do you know what went wrong? it's because you were never enough." Jennie drops the bomb for everyone to hear, Johnny was livid. If he could crush everything that he could see he would take the chance and do it. If he could take his life again, he wouldn't give a single fuck and he'll gladly do it.

"I can't believe you both. I wasn't the one who cheated with my best friend, why the fuck do you act like it's my fault?" you heard Johnny said and for the first time your heart broke for him.

You found him in your usual spot in the library, his head hanging low and his body shaking as he tries to catch his breath. You drop your coat over his head and give him the bottle of water you were holding, instead of sitting across him, you sat next to him without overstepping and respecting his space to cool down.

When he started to calm down, he handed your coat back to you, stood up, and left the library. Saying you were dumbfounded was an understatement but you choose to understand him.

Days passed by and Johnny was still a no show. When a week has already passed without seeing Johnny, you started to get worried. You wished you asked for his number, but then again, you weren't even that close, to begin with. You decide to spend your long-vacant in the visual room, playing random constellations as you think about a certain boy.

When that certain boy suddenly appeared right in front of you. "I'm sorry." He had his hands inside his grey sweatpants.

"What matters is that you came."

Johnny joined you on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, after a moment of silence, he spoke up. "Why did you help me? why do you even care about me at all? I'm a mess."

"Aren't we friends?" You asked even though it was clear that he turned your offer of friendship down a while ago.

"What you said about the constellations earlier made me realize how I took myself for granted and at the same time how ungrateful I am."

You look at him and give him the chance to speak up. "I didn't have the will to live, do you know that you are annoyingly optimistic about everything?" He jokingly asked, and you laughed with him.

"Is that a compliment or what?"

"I still don't have a reason to be here." He suddenly says. Johnny looks at your face as if reading you, he was prepared to see you pitying him but there was none.

"You don't have to look for it. You have yourself because, at the end of the day, you only got your own back," you turn to him as you give him a look. Johnny envied you, it was obvious, and you can read him like an open book. "Don't, don't look at me like that, Johnny Suh." the way his name rolled down your tongue felt flawless, as if you were born to say his name out loud.

"We all have our shortcomings, I'm not perfect nor are people around me, no one is, and we have to accept that fact, give less care about people who can't accept that."

"It's not as easy as it seems," Johnny says, your hand brushing back the stray hair that falls on his forehead as if your hand has a mind of its own. "Sorry-"

"It's fine. I like it." Both of you turn towards the ceiling as you continue to watch the stars, keeping the comfortable silence and just hang around each other.

For weeks, spending time in the library and the visual room to watch the stars has been your thing with Johnny Suh, you couldn't even imagine being friends with the likes of him, you view him as a constellation star, he's mysterious behind his disguise as he tends to fool everyone with, he was hard to reach and was always up above you, he brightens the surroundings like how the stars brighten the night sky, for you, he was more than the famous campus boy that everybody likes, even if he can't realize that.

Weeks passed by and you look forward to your Mondays and Wednesdays than the fact that you are graduating.

You were busy transferring your books to your backpack as you stand in front of your locker when Johnny came to you. "I didn't know we have the same classes."

You were stunned when you saw him talking to you in the open, students started looking in your way as if seeing a history. The most known guy in the University is with a nobody, but you shrugged it anyway as you closed your locker's door. You bite back at your tongue with all the attention you were getting, anxiety creeping out to you but you choose to ignore it.

"You weren't even attending your classes," you told him as you fix your backpack, the both of you started walking, keeping the same slow pace and taking your time.

"Well, I now have a reason, at least," he says as he grabs the strap of your bag and slings it in his shoulder. You ignore the bubbly feeling inside you and continued walking. Smiling at yourself as you forget about the stares around you.

"You're so cheesy, Suh Johnny." You giggled at him and for the first time, you saw a genuine smile creeping on his face.

When Lunch came, both of you sat outside to enjoy the sunny weather. "I'm going to start my Practicum next week," Johnny told you suddenly, and you stood up so fast to walk around the table to hug him.

"I'm so glad!" the sincere happiness is written on your face that even Johnny laughs with you.

"Thanks to you, I feel like, there's more to it than ending my life at the age of 21," he says and you shake your head at him.

"No, I didn't do anything. It's mostly you. I'm just here beside you to guide you, but it's your own will."

"I'll be honest with you, hurting myself still runs on my head but the difference this time is, I'm scared to do it." you didn't know what to reply to that so you just extend your hands towards his and hold it firmly in your grasp.

The rest of your day went ahead without you noticing, time flies by rather quickly when you are with Johnny. You stood waiting for your bus to arrive when a black Audi stops in front of you. Its windows rolling down and you see Johnny peeking through the window to smile at you.

"You want to wait for your bus or be logical and save time?" you laugh at his way of asking you for a ride but walk towards the passenger to join him in his car otherwise. The car ride was rather chaotic, you were debating about what to put first, milk or cereal, and you felt the horrors when Johnny says he puts milk in first. He was laughing like a child at how horrified you look.

"Anything's fine with me. I put whatever in first," he says after a long minute of arguing.

"I'm telling you, not to live like that!" you argue back. "Cereal comes first and then milk goes in, just imagine, do you pour the soap first before the water? it's water before the soap!" you explained and he laughs at how rilled up you get.

The argument was cut off when you arrived at your house. Johnny parked his car in front of your house and for some reason, your mother came in wearing an apron over her clothes. She raises an eyebrow at the unknown car blocking her driveway and you look at Johnny who looks back at you.

"Your mother is intimidating." He says.

"Want to come over for dinner?" you ask, and It took him a second before responding, " You think that's a good idea?"

"Come on, Mr. Suh, grow some balls, it's just my mom." Johnny looks offended at your statement.

"I have balls that girls flock around with," he retorted. You sigh and open the passenger seat greeting your mom with a smile as you ran to hug her.

"Can my friend stay for dinner?" you asked after hugging her. Johnny is behind you as he introduced himself as your friend and your mother shocked him by giving him a warm hug.

"There's still room for another boy in my house, I believe, it's no problem." Your mother stated as Johnny gives you a confused glance. Your mother invited him in and you welcomed him.

Inside, your older brother, Taeil is strumming his guitar with three other guys in the living room. "Oh, This is my Brother, Taeil." you casually said at him as you hung both of your jackets.

"You didn't tell me you have a brother." He whispered at you, standing awkwardly beside you. Taeil waved at him and you push him to sit beside Jaehyun.

"This is Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Ten. They're all bandmates during high school so they're always here for my brother," you explained. "And your mother's cooking." Ten added.

"Well, now you know," You said as you turn to him. "Let me just go to my room and freshen up real quick, just make yourself feel at home," you say as you back up on your track. "Cool."

Johnny didn't feel out of place for some reason, he was really happy that he got to meet your brother and his bandmates, they were cool to be around. They entertained him and ask what were his hobbies are and for the first time, he took his time to think about what he likes to do. He likes to draw.

When dinner was served, all the boys helped your mother to set up the table, Johnny was persistent in helping even after telling him to sit and wait because he was a guest. You let him help otherwise.

Dinner was well spent, he enjoyed talking with everyone and your mother even asks him to visit anytime he wants. Taeil takes a liking to him, asking him to hang out whenever he's free. Johnny presented to do the dishes and you helped him when he was done his shirt was a total mess because of the water splashing through the faucet, a good thing is that your brother has some clothes that are way oversized for him, and he lets Johnny use them.

You handed him the shirt, accidentally seeing a huge bruise on his chest and stomach, before you knew it, you stop him as he was about to put his shirt on. "What happened?"

His bruises must have slipped his mind and he mentally cursed himself at it. You were horrified. "Johnny, are you getting beat up?"

"I don't want to talk about this," he pulled his shirt down "Y/n, It's getting late. I should head home now. Thank you for dinner, I enjoyed it." and before you know it, Suh Johnny was gone.

Weeks passed by and Johnny was a complete no show. Faint rays of the sun trickled down through your curtains and fell on your room's marbled floor, you look up at your window and were blinded by the light, sitting up, you let your feet hovered on your marbled floors and mentally prepare yourself for the day.

In the office, your instructor asked you to copy some files and you gladly agreed to do it as you don't have much going on for the time being. You thought that it was hard doing your practicum, but all you did at the office was run errands evolving the x-ray machine. Your mind drifted back to Johnny, you'll have to talk to him. Being worried about him is already killing you and the last time you saw him was three weeks ago.

Wednesday came and you sat at your usual spot in the library, studying for the upcoming exams as you patiently wait for the tall black-haired guy. You forced yourself to do some actual studying but for some reason, all you can think about was Suh Johnny who didn't even show up.

The week passed by in a blur and on Thursday you went to your University to take the exam, you were scheduled for the second batch, and instead of your usual schedule of Wednesday, your professor divided your class into two batches.

You weren't even aware that your exams already finished as you were walking to your locker to put away some books.

You understood that Johnny had issues and you hated that you can't do anything to help him. You would do anything for him if that means for the comfort inside him and his peace of mind. You might not know the reason for his depression but everyone has a reason and you know that everybody around you has some issues going on in their private lives. You look around, seeing other students do their thing, minding their own business, some are even bored and waiting for their exams, You saw Jennie and Jongin together looking at you with disgusted faces that you shrugged off.

Johnny saw you as you mindlessly walk your way to the visual room, and he followed behind you silently, as he looks over his ex-girlfriend and ex-best friend. He realized he never really had a connection with Jennie before, they were both just into the sex, and then it gets awkward when they started to talk.

You were already done setting the projector up, walking in the center to lay down when you heard someone entered, and when you saw Johnny at the entrance of the room, his hands on his sweatpants pocket as he gives you a look, you stood up and ran to give him a big hug. You shed tears for him, as you give him a tight hug.

"Why are you crying?" he asked.

"Aren't we friends?" You asked him as you hold him in your arms. "Friends share their pains. So, I'll be here. I just want you to know that I'll be here when you needed someone to be there with you." Johnny fought his tears but who was he kidding? He yearns for someone's affection and not because of who he was but because it was him. And this time, he finally had someone to share his pains with. People already viewed him as someone going on a phase, probably someone rebelling against his parents but Johnny was more than that. He didn't care about it, though. He learned to give less fuck about insignificant people around him.

"My father used to beat me up, Football was just an excuse to cover up these bruises." He admitted. He was disgusted and embarrassed about it. But it was you, and he knows that you're not one to judge someone based off on their appearances.

You shed more tears for him. "Johnny, You don't deserve that, no one deserves that," you say caressing his cheeks. You hated the cheesy statement but you ignore it anyway, what you were feeling at the moment isn't important. Johnny was opening up to you.

The two of you manage to have time off from the university and Practicum. (Johnny started his practicum last, last week, that's why he was MIA most of the time, that time.) Johnny was hanging out at your house, the problem was, your mother and brother are both at work, so you take it to yourself that being alone with him, at your house, is inappropriate. You drag him outside, leading the way to one of your favorite diners.

"I am telling you, you're going to regret that," you said.

"What's wrong with what I ordered?" Johnny did this little thing in his nose, and you take a moment to look at him as you smile at him. You ignore the stares around you, feeling like a sore thumb sticking and obviously, out of place. Johnny scowl at the man who was drunk out of his wits, shamelessly checking you out. This wasn't the first time, this always happened, but not to you though. You told him to ignore it, that man was probably in here to order a cup of coffee.

"Their chicken and waffles here are the best! I'm telling you, I'm not going to share with you."

One pout of his lips towards you and you were switching your plates towards Johnny. You told him, only because this was the first time that he got to try out your favorite dish, and there won't be a second chance in the future. Johnny was kind enough to share a piece of waffle with you. But not the chicken, though. He fell head over heels for it.

Bit by bit, Johnny's walls crumbled down around you, and before you knew it, both of you are inseparable. Johnny dating you spread like wildfire around campus, but there wasn't any truth behind that gossip, you were just a friend. Simple as that.

He was hanging more lately with your brother than you expected. Both of them have the same interest, so it wasn't a surprise when Johnny befriended most of your brother's friends.

Johnny was going on about how Jaehyun's a chill guy, Mark, and Donghyuck introducing him to play games, even Yuta, the University's drug dealer, as they brand him, was included in Taeil's group of friends.

"You didn't tell me that you knew Nakamoto Yuta," Johnny whispered behind you.

"Yeah, For some reason, I didn't want to get involved with most of them. Some girls are crazy about them and I just want peacefulness as I end my college years." You answered. Yuta was from the same department, Jaehyun was from the same university but was taking a different course, as well as Doyounga and Taeyong. Mark and Haechan still need a year before attending college. Ten was studying arts and your brother was a college dropout.

You were having pizza night at your house, your mother was kind enough to accommodate a bunch of men in her tiny house, seemingly impossible to fit 13 men inside, but it did. Instead of the usual party that frat houses and rich kids throw around, Taeil and the others like to keep it to themselves. Sharing one shot glass and downing a cheap rum as everybody waits for their turn. Most of them didn't think that Johnny would be fine with this kind of setup. Besides, he was branded as the campus king and a rich heir at that. He could spend Friday nights at some high-end bar and drink expensive alcohol. But no, instead, here he was, sitting on the cheap carpet your mother owns with a bunch of drunk men but you were glad that your brother is such a nice guy and so are his peers.

Johnny was glad, that he found true people, who accepts him for who he is and not because of who he was.

Doyoung placed you on the empty sofa, you have a low tolerance for alcohol, and you can't keep up with them anymore. The cheapest drink Taeyong bought isn't of cheap quality, you knew better than to judge a bottle chosen by him. You watch them with heavy eyelids, smiling at yourself, Mark and Donghyuck made fun of you by putting thick blankets around you and this was the first time Johnny saw you annoyed by the younger boys.

When Morning came, you were already on your bed as your head pounds. When you came downstairs to leave for school you look around and saw that last night's trace was gone as if 13 grown men didn't make a mess out of your mother's living room.

You wished you had gotten a coffee first when you entered your room way too early and saw that most of the students are yet to arrive, even water would be good, anything liquid down your throat would be good.

You saw Jaehyun and Johnny bidding farewells at the front of the room, students who were present to see the two interacting were shocked, for them, It was rare to see Johnny without his usual crew. But, who are they to decide that for Johnny? It was a rare sight to see, A popular music major and the famous ex-football captain, together?

When Johnny approached his spot beside you, he gives you the cold Iced latte he was holding fresh from Starbucks, completely ignoring unwanted stares behind his back.

"Good Morning," there was a warm aura surrounding him as he settled down beside you, and you look at him in awe. "What?" he asks.

You watched him for a moment, smiling at him as he looks at you questionably. "You're happy," you stated making Johnny pause for a second to think, he was sporting a baby pink hoodie and grey Nike pants, holding his Earpods and Macbook at the other hand. "I think I might be getting there."

Your heart swells up for him and as you fought back the tears that wanted to fall. Johnny reached out to you, wiping the strands of hair that keep falling on your face. "Sorry," you said. People might think that yesterday, Johnny was trying to end his life, and then suddenly, he was okay, because he never was, and you continuously walk on a thin thread around him, Johnny is like a ticking bomb and porcelain that needs to be handled with the utmost care. Five months ago, Johnny doesn't have the motivation to continue living his life, but here he was thriving to know what tomorrow can offer him.

For Johnny, meeting you was his saving grace, problems might fill up in his life, there is this constant reminder that society will always judge him the minute he does something wrong, there is his father, his stepmother who doesn't really pay attention to him, his old life and old self constantly reminding him the pain of the past.

"What happened to your eyes?" there were dark circles under his eyes and for a moment you thought that he has a lot in his mind to think about for the lack of sleep.

"I stayed up till dawn playing overwatch with Donghyuck and Mark last night." He says smiling.

"I'm glad your settling with the boys all right." Johnny watched you, how your long hair flow past your shoulders through your back, he loves the little freckles dancing all over your cheeks naturally and how a touch of pink creeps in your cheeks naturally because of the humid air.

You were really glad. "Do you want to go with me and Ten?" He asks you when your classes ended for the morning, both of you walked to the library to hide from prying and malicious eyes. "He wants to hang out in the nearest coffee shop." he continued and you agreed to go with him, making a turn for the exit.

Johnny ordered an Americano for him and a latte for you, eating the packed lunch your mother made for you and Johnny as you wait for Ten.

Ten arrived with Jaehyun in tow, placing their bags down Jaehyun took the seat beside you while Ten walked to the counter to order their drinks. Johnny looked at you and Jaehyun but ignore the malice running in his head.

"Kim Yerim!" the three of you looked at the entrance to see Johnny's sister entering the cafe, Yerim waved at someone across their table and saw his sister's friend Park Sooyoung waving frantically. Johnny turned to look at you and Jaehyun ignoring his sister who started walking inside, "What happened to you?" he asks Jaehyun,

"Why?"

"You're turning really red." Johnny pointed out and you snickered at Jaehyun who turns to look at Johnny's sister absentmindedly. "Man, That's my sister!" Johnny whispered-shout at him as he fought the urge to laugh at Jaehyun. Someone definitely has a crush on his little sister.

You and Johnny eyed each other, laughing as you both understood telepathically. "What's so funny?" Ten asks when he arrived and the both of you laughed loudly this time.

"Hyung!" Jaehyun shouted at him his ears turning red.

When Johnny got home, he locked himself up in his room that his step-mother finally asked to clean. He was busy waiting for Donghyuck and Mark to play when he heard a knock on his door.

"Can I come in?" His step-mother asked. Yerim's mother is a great person, but that doesn't really mean that she's a good mother to both him and Yerim, he can't really judge her though, she's still young and living her dreams but then his father got her pregnant with Yerim and then here she is stuck at this hell of a household, all three of them under the strings of his father.

"Yes." He says.

Kim Ah-Jong walked inside, placing a warm cup of milk beside him for the first time, "Johnny," She started as he settled at the edge of Johnny's bed facing him. Johnny turns his chair to face her too, holding the warm mug in his hand to seek comfort in this awkward setting.

"I don't know how to start, but I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry," she paused for a second, ignoring the lump in her throat, "I hope you forgive me for replacing your mother's position, and that I'm really grateful because you love your sister more than anything even though you didn't have the same mother."

"It's the least that I could do." He says.

"Yes, I know, and I'm sorry if I failed you as a mother, I was busy finding myself to the point you and Yerim grow up without the right amount of affection from us. We're such horrible parents and I wanted to say sorry on behalf of your father. You don't deserve this, no one else did."

That night, Johnny slept soundly in his own home for the first time in a while.

Yerim was shocked to see her mom attending to his brother, it's as if she suddenly had a change of heart and finally started to be a mother to his brother. Her father was another problem, he still hasn't moved on from his son's attempt. Spitting atrocious words early in the morning making Johnny regret even joining the breakfast.

Kim Ah-jong had enough of his husband's wrath, it was still morning and his husband is starting to get on her nerves. She stabs her bread knife on their table as she turns her head towards him, "Is still early in the morning for the love of God, Kim Ji Hoon. Must you really ruin our morning?" she says.

Both Yerim and Johnny were stunned at her, their father shutting up in instant at the fear her wife would stab her.

Johnny and Yerim drive to the University that day together, "Oh, do you mind if we stop by at my friend's house? I promise to pick him up." Johnny asks and Yerim nodded.

Johnny smirked, he was excited to see Jaehyun's reaction.

Johnny pulled up in front of Jaehyun's apartment, sending him a message the was up in front of his building, after a minute, Jaehyun emerges from the entrance of the building running to get to his car with a tumbler in his other hand.

Johnny pulled the window down and Jaehyun saw Yerim first, he stopped midway, flustered that a girl was with his young, and It was no other than his sister. he played it cool and sat at the back.

"Oh, Yerim-ah, this is Jaehyun. He's my friend."

Jaehyun didn't expect her to turn around and bow her head down. "Thank you so much for taking good care of my brother."

Johnny became flustered with Yerim but laughed it off instead. Jaehyun bowed his head towards her saying it was nothing. Yerim was unaware of the looks she was getting from the older boy sitting at the back seat of his brother's car as Johnny keeps throwing playful glances at the back while he drove them to the school.

Graduation was already nearing, both you and Johnny were already finished with your practicum, Johnny was moving boxes towards his car, for some reason, his father allowed him to have his own flat, his step-mother saying that it would be the best for him and his mental health to have some space between them and that they should give him some time and space. His father was adamant at first but has nothing to do in the end.

"Just let him do what he wants, He's already graduating, with honors! He already did everything you wanted it's the least you could do for him." he heard his step-mother argue a while ago with his father. Johnny still had to go home every Sunday at the main house, though.

You and Taeil volunteered to help him with his moving and he was glad, to say the least. Yerim contacted you to do his groceries for him and the two of you left the older boys as you went to the market with Yerim.

Yerim was a cool young woman, she was matured for her own age, you learned that she was very frank at what she wants and that she loves her brother so much.

"I'm really glad my brother meet you," she says as she links her right arms with you, you were both walking to the parking lot, and you smiled at her blushing.

"Honestly, I never really liked his old friends. Jongin? Nope. Chanyeol? He's an asshole. Everyone in that damn team is an ass except for Sehun," she says as both of you entered the market, pulling a big cart in the process, and continued walking ahead. "You and your brother are surrounded by good people. Do you know that? And I'm kind of jealous of you, not that I don't have good friends, I do."

"Well, consider me someone you can be with so those good people will surround you too," you said smiling, Yerim giggled at you.

It took Johnny a week before really settling down in his apartment, he invited the guys over to have a small welcoming party, drinking and playing till the sun rises.

Johnny was busy typing at his laptop as you were both doing your last requirement for college, papers, and documents were all scattered around his living room when he turns his head to look at you. "Are you comfortable with those jeans?" He asks.

You look at your pants, it is uncomfortable.

"I don't have extra clothes," Johnny poked at his cheeks with his tongue, he stood up and went inside his room, when he came back he was holding clean boxer shorts. "You can use this if you want," he says as he extends his arms to you. You gladly took it and went to his bathroom to change.

Johnny thinks this was more dangerous than when he had blood oozing out of his wrist, you had your toned legs on display for him, and only him. It wasn't helping at all. Without knowing, he stared at your legs for a good minute, the urge of having his hands run along the lines of your thighs was becoming unbearable. He was amazed by the lack of hair you had around your arms and legs, was it liked that too with the parts your clothes have covered? He can't help the wild imaginations running around his head with the things he wants to do to you.

Johnny focused his attention back on the screen of his laptop. What the fuck is he even thinking? It's you, his fucking angel. How dare he have dirty thoughts about you. He mentally slaps himself and went back to typing.

You noticed Johnny having a mental crisis because of you and you silently laugh at him, extending your legs further to have your skin touch his thighs.

after hours of being productive with your work, You and Johnny decided to call it a night.

After a week of preparations for the upcoming finals, you and Johnny decided to meet up, the waiter placed both of your orders in front of you and Johnny, who give the waiter a small smile while uttering a quick "Thank you." You eyed Jhonny's food who looks somewhat more delicious than your Pesto Pasta. You don't even know why you ordered it, you never even tasted it before, you just want to— maybe, impress the guy in front of your table who were giving you obvious looks about the taste pallet you had which is definitely of a 13 Years old.

Johnny gives you a look while shaking his head, knowing all too well that you wanted a bite of it. Looking at you who's eyeing his barbeque bacon burger with fries on the side— It's usually what the two of you order and he was shocked that you ordered something out of the ordinary. He knew that you weren't the type of girl to go out of your comfort zone. You like what you usually eat, what you usually drink, and what type of clothing you usually wear. You are a very simple, young woman. You don't usually try things out of the blue, especially, when the two of you are both hungry.

Instantly, Johnny switched both plates. Giving you his food whilst saying a silent goodbye to the famous BBQ burger that he craves so much after winning a football game, which, he deserves. "What are you doing?" you asked shocked. You already saw him digging in and wincing at the taste. "Why the fuck would you even order this thing?" he asked.

You looked at the guy at the other table. You both were giving silent glances, he's good-looking and obviously from another school but you don't do other schools, that is the thing, you'd rather date someone from the same school, same department or same village. You don't like the hassle. People can go ahead and say your such a basic bitch, which in fact, you are. You finally give your full attention to Johnny who looks at his back to find some guy obviously ogling your face. That was the scariest thing in the world for him, guys ogling your face rather than your body, honestly, it was obvious from guys falling for your body— they just want to get in your pants, but guys who fall for your beauty is different.

You start digging in with your food. "This is the reason why I love you so much." You stated giving your burger a bite.

"Why would you even want to eat this." He says. You give him a chuckle as you extend your right arm towards him, offering him a bite of your burger, which he gladly took. "I'm sorry, I'm such a pain in the ass." You said.

"I kidnapped you in your after party and I'm so sorry, I didn't know Jennie's going to be there, and now you're eating something you don't even like. Man, you don't deserve this." You continued. Sincerely saying sorry towards him— picking a fry and dipping it on the ketchup provided at the side of your plate.

For some reason, Things work out for him and the team, It was going to be his last year playing, and the higher-ups decided for him to lead the team again, making Jongin lose face around the campus. It wasn't like before, It was expected, Johnny was just professional around them, leading them at the court and out of sight, after.

"What? No way. This is what I deserve. A peaceful dinner and finally having time with you." He says after biting at the toasted bread the pasta has. It was true though, Johnny was talking with Jennie again, well, but not exactly dating her, as students would say around campus. They dated, but that was that, he can't even imagine being good friends with someone who cheated on him, he was just being civil with her, ending things with a good note and leaving the better past behind him, and you haven't really had the chance to hang out together since their coach intensified their training hours and days, and right after that Johnny would hang out with your brother and the other guys.

"What did my brother say, though? with you being with me tonight? You guys are basically dating each other by now," you joked.

"Yeah, he's cool with it. Don't worry, I told him about our meeting before you actually kidnapped me." He gives you a smirk and you give him a confused look. "I was actually going to ask you for a dinner with me after the game." You rolled your eyes at him.

"Wow." You commented. You were practically like a twin at this rate. "Can I ask you something, though?" Johnny didn't know whether to ask because he was curious or just wait for you to open up to him, for some reason, Johnny felt naked around you. You knew everything about him, you have him wrapped around your pretty little fingers "What if I don't want to?" You countered and he scoffed.

"What was the reason you transferred? you only had a year to finish before graduating," Your face fell and he instantly saw how your face contorted into a frown. "Why are you making that face?" he asked.

"I had a bad break up to the point that I was destroying myself." You finally said like it was nothing. Johnny stopped everything that he's doing, giving you a look as if asking why. He felt like an idiot. How can he? at your worst time? "I'm such a horrible friend." He says.

"It's not your fault, and I'm even sorry that I didn't tell you sooner." You said quietly. Suddenly your favorite dish from the dinner doesn't look appealing anymore. "And I wanted time for myself, you know, he cheated on me."

the clicking of utensils can be heard throughout the diner when he dropped them to the table. He was fuming mad.

"It wasn't anyone's fault, though. if anything. It was mine. I lost interest in our relationship, didn't have time for him, and just lost everything along the way." You said while moving your plate towards him which he gladly took, abandoning the pasta you ordered and eating the half of the burger you had. But the real reason was, you can't stop comparing your ex-boyfriend to him.

"Still isn't a reason to cheat on you." He says after taking a bite. You move your lemonade in front of you and lazily sip on it. He drops the topic knowing all too well that you don't want to talk about it. Still, he felt guilty for some reason, What could go wrong?

Right, Johnny Suh is starting to have feelings for you, and definitely not in a platonic way.

And you don't have any idea about it.

He opened your bag that was beside him and fetch the wet wipes that were inside. He opened it and out of habit cleaned your fingers with it. And you let him, smiling. "I wished I meet you sooner," He looked at you and smiled. "I'm really sorry I haven't been with you for the last 21 years." you joked as you let him dry your fingers with a dry napkin that the diner provides.

You were about to head out— fetching the car keys that you placed on the bowl beside the main door when you hear a familiar honk outside your house. Your hands slip past your keys and you walk the small distance to your door, opening it the cold air of December heats your face and Johnny greeted you with his usual beam on his face, his left hand stretched up outside his window, giving you a wave.

You smiled to yourself, biding your mom a quick goodbye and you were off to school with your best friend.

"Good Morning." He greeted you when you opened the door of his black Audi.

"Good Morning, indeed." You said facing him after securing yourself with the seat belt. There was a tint of pink in Johnny's checks that you choose to ignore.

Pulling up at the parking lot in front of the university's main building where a lot of students lingered chatting with their circle of friends— Johnny smoothly maneuvered and parked at his usual spot.

You both get out of his car and started to walk to the building.

"See you at lunch?" he asked when you neared your classroom— you were slightly shocked. "Won't you be eating with Yerim today?" you asked as you stopped in your tracks facing him. "Doesn't have to." He simply replied and you nod your head. "She'll be mad, John." You said as a matter of fact— facing him while slowly backing away as he marly give you a shrug. "She doesn't have the right, though." you rolled your eyes at him "Just ask her to eat with us!"

Graduation was nearing and you've been offered a job at one of the top companies in the city, you didn't have the reason to turn them down so you accept and were set to sign the contract right after having your diploma.

This calls for a celebration, though.

When Johnny heard that he was the first one to know about something significant in his life, he was delighted.

You found yourself getting tipsy with the cheap booze in front of you and Johnny. You were laughing at something he said about his sister, holding the cheap beer in your hand as you chug the contents down your through. "Okay, That's enough," Johnny said whilst grabbing the cans of beer and putting them back at his refrigerator. You pout back at him but don't argue, you still have to attend your classes tomorrow morning and you don't want to miss anything for the last weeks you have for being a college student.

Johnny tucked you in his bed and you bid the sweetest goodnight on him, he leaves a sweet kiss on your forehead before heading for the couch in the living room to sleep on, since he had no energy to actually drive you home.

You woke up that night, feeling rather hot, unconsciously stripping out of your pants and bra out of habit, you walked to the kitchen for some water.

Walking with blurred vision, you find your way into the kitchen. The lights were dim as you passed by the living room completely ignoring the fact that Johnny could definitely walk on you wearing only your white tee and undies.

You helped yourself around the kitchen, rummaging in the refrigerator for a jar of water, your hands felt the cold lid of the jar, popping it open and chugging the contents down. You giggled after realizing that you should probably use glass and act like a lady for once since you're not in your own place.

You hissed as you struggle, reaching for a glass in the cupboard. "Just why is it placed so fucking high?" you asked yourself. A hand reached for the glass and you turned around, shocked and ready to pounce the person behind you.

you came face to face with Johnny. His face, only inches away from you. His hands find their way to your waist as he looked at you and the glass in his hands, he purred his self some water in the glass and chugged the whole content down.

"I got thirsty," he said. You moved beside so you don't disturb him, stepping at least five steps away.

He looked you up and down, the smell of booze around, is strong, it almost made you gag. Feeling the cold air between your legs, you looked at yourself. "Fuck." realizing that you were only wearing your white t-shirt; that you probably owned since 7th grade— Your breast was obvious that even your nipples were prominent, your shirt just hanging before your hip bone and then your undies.

You mentally slap yourself. He put the glass down and you put your hair in front to at least cover your hardening nipples away from him. Chills run down your spine as he took another step forward, clearing the distance between you.

"Hey-" he cut you off.

"Johnny," he says.

"What?" you asked, barely whispering. Your eyes moved down on their own, from his eyes down to his upper body, he was shirtless, giving you free access to his perfectly sculpted body, his pelvis, so sharp even a God couldn't compare. Again, you felt the burning sensation coming back in your throat. You touched your neck instantly as you tried to swallow.

"My name, say it," he whispered, you looked up only to be met by his eyes, dark with unknown lust as if burning you within. He keeps staring at you, keeping you captive with his eyes that you somehow felt naked.

"Johnny," you whispered trying not to sound like your practically moaning his name. He took a step forward, leaving no space between you and him. "Again." He commands you. You sucked a deep breath as you avoid eye contact.

"Johnny."

He used his index finger to lift your head as his thumb drew circles just below your chin to the base of your neck. blood rushed to your face as you suddenly felt hot on your cheeks as he put his hands on your waist again. He tilts his head, the smell of alcohol mixed with his aftershave and mint filled your senses, suddenly it wasn't too dark anymore.

He brushes his lower lip against yours that you barely felt it. He licked his lower lip as you bite yours. He stares intently at you. "You know, I would appreciate it if you don't walk around the house in these." his hands hot on your skin.

all rationality seems to fly out of the window, both of you staring at each other gazes, Johnny pulling you in for a much deeper kiss. "Didn't know you were this naughty with alcohol in your system," he murmured, Johnny's soft languid kisses were driving you wild, he moves at the base of your neck and sucked at the soft skin before pressing light kisses.

"Do you have any idea how much I want you?" he says softly, your breath hitches without knowing and you deliciously clenched around nothing upon hearing his statement, you were hypnotized by his eyes. Leaning down, he kisses you again.

You put your hands around his chest to push him slightly, gazing up toward him, "I want this," you whispered. "No. Not in the morning when you're sober enough to regret this," Johnny says, you ignore him and pulled him down to kiss him again, and Johnny lost all his logic with how delicious you tasted, you guide his hands on the hem of your shirt and slowly he peels it off for you and lets it fall down the floor.

Johnny put his arms around you and hauls you against his body, squeezing you tightly, his hands traveled down your waist and down to your behind, he holds you against his hips, and you feel his erection, which he gladly pushes into you, easily lifting you from the floor after, you moan once more in his mouth, He eases you towards the bed and you feel your back against the soft cushion once more.

Tentatively, you move your hands up to his face and his hair, tugging at it lightly as if implying for him to take you fully. But Johnny has other plans in his mind. He grabs your hips with both his hands and runs his tongue around your navel, gently nipping his way to your hipbone and across your belly to the other. "Ah," You groan.

Seeing him on top of you, between your legs as you feel his hot breath against your skin, Is unexpected, but you wanted this as much as he wants it. Your hand on his hair, pulling gently as you try to quiet your loud breathing. He gazes up at you through impossibly long-lashed, and chocolate-colored eyes. His hand reaches the hem of your black underwear, leisurely pulling it down without taking his eyes off you, he stops and licks his lips, never breaking eye contact. Johnny leans forward, running his nose up the apex between your thighs, and you feel him.

"You smell so fucking good," he murmurs and closes his eyes. a look of pure pleasure on his face and you practically convulse.

You raise yourself on your elbows to see what he's doing, you were panting, you wanted him right there. shit

Moaning, you felt him run his tongue on the sleek of your heat, "Keep still," he murmurs and then leans down again to kiss down your clit. "How can I not move? you're making me feel this good." you felt him smirk against your skin. "Then, we'll have to work on keeping you still." there was a dangerous tone laced in his voice and you find it impossibly hot and twisted. You're flushed, skin burning, too hot, too cold, and you're craving more as you clawed at the sheets beneath you.

Johnny moves forward and you protested but the pleasure came back once more when he blows very gently on one of yours mound, his hands moving to the other breast, and his thumb slowly rolls the end of your nipple, elongating it. You moan, feeling the sweet sensation all the way to your groin.

"Johnny," you were wet, "Please," you beg silently as your fingers clasp the sheet tighter. His lips close around your nipple and he tugs, making you convulse. He doesn't stop.

Johnny moves his fingers around your clit, drawing circles as he laps on your mound, you let yourself go from his touch. His thumb and finger continue doing you deliciously and you fall apart on his hands.

"Oh," you won't lie, that felt extraordinary, and now, you know the fuss around him is about. He gazes down at you, a satisfied smirk on his face and you're still in owe from your high.

Johnny was amazed at how responsive you are, he laced his fingers around you, drawing slow and lazy circles around your clit again, bringing another set of heat in your core. He closes his eyes briefly, his breathing hitches. You're deliciously wet and Johnny doesn't want to fuck you with a condom on, and neither did you.

He reaches over the bedside table, anyway, grabbing a foil packet, and then moving out of the bed to discard the rest of his clothes. You saw him, and your mouth watered at how long and thick he is. He kneels on the bed and pulls the condom onto his length. "I really don't want to use one."

"Is that going to fit in?"

"Don't worry," He breathes, "You're wet enough, Angel. I know you can make me well," He murmurs as he positions the head of his erection at the entrance of your sex and pushing hard.

"Aargh!" You cry as you felt him sliding in, there was a weird sensation pinching deep inside you as he rips through you without warning. Johnny stills, his eyes bright with ecstatic triumph. His mouth opened slightly, his breathing harsh. He groans wanting to move.

"Fuck, baby, so tight."

"Johnny, Wait."

He stills for a moment, "Why?" You held onto his forearms, fucking him with a condom doesn't feel right, you wanted every little part of him, you wanted to feel him. Raw. "I- Can we remove the condom?" Johnny asks as if reading your mind.

You nod at him, You felt him slide out of you, removing the condom and throwing it at the trash bin beside his bed. Johnny positions his self once more, easing on to you, groaning. He loved every bit of it, this was the first time that you had sex without using protection, and the same thing goes for Johnny. Moving your hips up to him, as a sign that you wanted him to move already. He groans. You felt so full, as he let you acclimatize at the overwhelming feeling of him inside you. Naked, and Raw.

He eases back with exquisite slowness. Closing his eyes, Johnny controlled himself not on to fuck you hard, He thrust into you again, and you cry out in pleasure. He shifts into his elbow, and you feel his weight on you, holding you down. He moves painfully slow at first, easing himself in and out of you. You grew impatient and you can't help but move your hips up tentatively to meet his. He speeds up. Pounding on you, picking up speed by the second, merciless and in a relentless rhythm.

you can't help yourself to meet his thrust, making Johnny lose his mind because of you. Your body quivers. a sheen of sweat gathers over you. Your thoughts are scattered. There's only the feeling of him, of you, and him, and you stiffen.

"Come for me, baby," he whispers breathlessly, and you unravel at his words, exploding around him as you climax and shard into pieces with every being you had underneath him. And as he comes inside you, calling your name, thrusting hard, the stalling as he empties himself into you.

Johnny's breathing was ragged as you try to slow your breathing, your heart thumping hard and your thoughts in a disarray, you opened your eyes. His eyes flickered open and gaze down at you, dark but soft. He's still inside you, leaning down, he gently presses a kiss against your forehead then slowly pulls out of you.

Johnny cleaned you up and spoon you to sleep, he hoped that in the morning you won't regret what happened. Because he loved every moment of it.

Part 2? I didn't put the taglist because this is already reposted. so, yeah, hope u guys enjoyed! let me know what you think, I feel like i sucked making this.

#johnny suh #johnnysmut #johnnyangst #johnnyfluff #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun smut #nct smut #nct scenarios #nct127 #NCTU #nct johnny #marklee #HaeChan #Taeil #Yuta #wayv ten #wayv #johnny x reader

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cottoncandyjester · 3 years ago

Note

What is something you can say to they boys to break them, like something so mean and hurtful that they may cry?

Okay..OUCH!

As punishment for making me sad I’m doing this to the sweethearts

Warning: this is dark, like darling hates the yans and doesn’t care about their feelings at all.

Mateo:

You and mateo don’t like to fight, things get heated and he does t quite know how to dial it down once he get to that point. The argument was pretty dumb, you two couldn’t even remember why you were mad.

“You always do this!” You snapped out, your angry tone making him twitch lightly the noise making his head spin..he couldn’t handle yelling, it reminded him of his childhood.

“What do I do wrong? I love you! I worship the ground you walk on but it’s never enough!” He hissed out with a shaky bitter laugh “I-it’s like you hate me..” he whispers out lowly.

“I do hate you! I hate your stupid spotted face! I wouldn’t be so angry all the time if i was dating someone smart but instead I get you! You’re so stupid and dumb and ugly!” your anger startled him.

Mateo was silent as he looked at his arms in utter horror, the sight of the pale splotches all over his body made tears run down his face, you thought he was stupid..everyone thought he was stupid.

Mateo did the only thing that made him feel better..sob his eyes out now scratching at the blotches, blood dripping down his arms. “What the hell are you doing?!” You snapped out in annoyance.

“I-if I carve them out then you won’t hate me, r-right?! If I just carve them out then I’ll stop being ugly?!” He hissed out with a whimper as he dropped onto his knees suddenly biting and clawing at his skin

“I hate myself, stupid stupid stupid!” He sobbed out, suddenly letting out loud wailing of sorrow as he banged his head on the ground “stop..being..stupid!” He snapped out with each hit, the sickening cracking noise startling you.

Hikaru:

Angering Hikaru was an easy job, simply talk back and an argument is crafted but this time was different. You were done cowering in fear, he hurts you so many times that it was time for payback.

“Damn it, piggy I’m talking to you! Stop fucking ignoring me!” He snapped out before gripping your arm, yanking you closer only for you to slap his hand off utter disgust in your eyes.

“Maybe if you weren’t an annoying little shit you parents wouldn’t have whored you out when you were just a toddler!” You snapped out, Hikaru tensed up body shaking as he stared at you in shock.

“W-what..” he whispers out softly, the anger that was once in his voice replaced with a soft hurt tone. “The only thing you’re useful for is being a quick fuck! It’s not like anyone will actually love you, so why don’t you go and do the only thing you’re good at, leave me the hell alone while you’re at it” you sneered out.

There was a few seconds of silence before a soft sniffle escaped Hikaru who now held his head down in shame. All those filthy feelings he felt before came rushing back to him.

“I-I’m only good for..” he whispers out before starting to cry, Hikaru was someone who prides himself in not sobbing but here he was crying “I-is that all I’m really good for?! B-being a whore?!” He hissed out.

All that modeling work he’s done was to put his own name out there but none of that mattered, all he would ever be known for was a dirty whore..the utter thought drove Hikaru insane.

Yuuji and Yuuta:

You wanted them to hurt, like how they always hurt you. You knew exactly where to hit and how hard to hit it. “Come on, you have to eat..p-please” Yuuta begged out as he tried feeding you. You were extra bratty so they had to tie you up, something that happened quite often. You were silent, making Yuuta sigh as he untied you “here, now will you eat?”

“You’ll never be a real boy yknow..” you whispered out to him, that single statement making Yuuta freeze up..eyes wide as he stared at you in shock “wait..h-huh?” He said lowly with a forced smile “is this a joke or-”

“You’re just a girl playing dress up, a little girl who is still scared of her family” you said coldly as you rubbed your wrists. “S-stop, that’s not true..I’m a boy, a-a strong guy! So just stop it” Yuuta snapped out, body shaking as you stepped towards him with no fear.

“No matter what you say, you still have that slight feminine figure, girly face, and of course the obvious..the parts of a girl. You’ll never actually be a boy.”

Yuuta felt his chest tighten up, he hasn’t felt dysphoria in years but that horrible feeling made him wheeze as your words drilled into his head. His hands went straight to his chest, they were gone but for some reason it’s almost as if he could still feel them there..not enough. He didn’t feel masculine at all.

“No, n-no no no you’re wrong, I-I’m a..I’m a..” Yuuta couldn’t even say it without starting to cry, his head was starting to hurt as he panicked. “I-I need…Y-Yuuji!” Yuuta sobbed out, it was only a matter of seconds til the younger twin came rushing to his aid. “Woah! Hey, Y-Yuuta?! What’s wrong, are you hurt?” Yuuji hissed out as he hugged his brother close to his chest.

“I-it’s back! I-it’s back, I-I can’t take it. I’m a boy right?! I-I’m a boy..n-not a girl..” Yuuta was an utter mess, sobbing and shaking as he clinged to Yuuji’s shirt. “Of course you are! You are the strongest guy I know, so please..stop crying” Yuuji whispers out, angry tears in his eyes as he glared your way.

“What the fuck did you do to my Yuuta!?”

Yuki:

“Please stop screaming..” yuki whispers out lowly as he looked away, flinching at every time your voice raised. “I can’t handle you screaming..” he added out as he glanced your way. You were screaming at him about something..the moment you started to yell he completely forget what you were mad at and was just focused on getting you to stop.

“Stop giving me those puppy dog eyes as if you are so damn innocent and pure! You have a rotting demon in you you, you can never be good! All you do is destroy and ruin thing!”

Your words made yuki shudder, eyes wide as he processed your words. “Demon..?” He whispers out with a shaky sigh, how could you be so cruel?! Yuki hugged himself, a low laugh escaping him which quickly turned into soft sobs that only got louder the more hurt he became.

Of course, he was a demon how could he forget that..he wasn’t supposed to be born! Yuki, who was now on his knees sobbing his eyes out bowed at your feet.

“K-kill me, im begging you” he said softly now looking up at you with the most distraught expression. “Im a lowly demon not worthy of living, j-just a filthy abomination” he hissed out as he looked at his hands. The reason he loved drawing and doing tattoos was cause he adored the thought of creating art..but if you deem him a demon it must be so.

Rin:

Rin was someone who usually laughed instead of cried, but you knew exactly where to push to get him to sob and break. “Are you trying to make me mad? Pfft silly thing that won’t work” Rin cooed out with a laugh as he watched you only get angrier.

“God you are so fucking childish! That’s why I’m glad I cheated!” You snapped out, making him pause his laughing his expression faltering “h-huh?” He said with a forced grin, your statement surprising him. “Your brother is a way better lover than you anyways, in all aspects” you sneered out.

“H-hey if you are trying to make me mad, it’s working so just stop.”

“What part are you not getting!? I don’t love you, I won’t ever love you so just leave me alone already!” You snapped out angrily, there were a few seconds of silence before rin flashed a grin “wowww~ someone’s grumpy! I’ll let you get some air but afterwards we’re talking bout this okay??” He cheers out before walking off.

A sniffling escaped him as he walked off, now covering his mouth with his hand as tears ran down his cheeks, the thought of you with ren in the most intimate ways made both rage and sorrow filling his body..he wanted to puke.

Salem

Salem didn’t really focus on your insults too much since they were surface level. He would shrug it off and continue to be his normal wild self, that was until you two really got into it.

“This is why no one wanted you! Why every person who got close to you gave you away! Who would ever choose you!” Your angry remark made Salem flinch, now biting at his fingers that he was sucking on before.

He was silent now chewing on his hand as he thought about what you said..it was true. His mother, Hikaru, you, who would ever want him? Salem let blood drip down his chain as he tried to contain himself but laughter escaped him, he calmly walked to the nearest wall now slamming his head against it.

He hated these thoughts, he wanted to go away. He just wanted all these gross feelings to go away already, he hated thinking..so if he hit his head a few more times he wouldn’t have to think and feel anymore. His laughter only for more crazed yet sad as he slammed his head against the wall over and over. “Go..away, go away…” he cried out over and over as tears streamed down his face.

Zeke:

“You need to calm down, you’re getting worked up here!” Zeke snapped as he eyed you worriedly. You two were fighting and you were getting a little too angry, he was worried about saying something he didn’t mean.

“You are so fucking gullible! Do you have any balls or something!? You try to play the nice guy but it wasn’t prince who killed all those people! It was all you! Just you! And I’m starting to think you liked it! So stop pretending to be good and so damn innocent”

Zeke tensed up, taking a step back as your words hit him. “W-why the fuck would you say that?!” He hissed out, that wasn’t true..he wasn’t bad. He was a good guy! He went to protests he donates to charities, he’s sweet and loving he does all he can to be a good person! Even still with all that the memories of that night are still so fresh.

“I-I’m a good guy..I’m a good person” he said softly as tears ran down his face, a shaky laugh escaping him “I’m a good person I’m a good person I’m a good person” he whispers out again and again, now looking to you for comfort “I’m a good person right?!” He said with a devastating expression.

“No, you’re not. You are a horrible awful person, worse than prince” You said shrarply, the final nail in the coffin.

Zeke gulped as he felt an overwhelming sarrow, more tears and cries coming from him. “N-no no no no..y-you’re wrong..so wrong” he sobbed out, the mixture of laughing and crying coming from him

#yandere imagines #yandere ocs #yandere

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jeo9n · 4 years ago

Text

Majesty Pt 4 || JJK

Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre : Slow burn, Angst,Fluff, King JK, future smut

Warnings : None for this chapter.

Wordcount : 2.3k

previous | next

A few day have passed and I basically did the same stuff everyday. I tried helping Maria out whenever I could, I explored the castle a bit more and I even found out there was a library. I would sometimes go there and read a book, but I mostly found myself out in the garden, enjoying nature.

I haven’t had any interactions with the King since I heard them that night. He was quite busy, and rarely was at the castle. The only times you’ve seen him was at dinner, or when he came home late at night looking rather exhausted. But you two barely talked. I didn’t know how to act around him, everytime I saw him, I was remembered about how I stood outside of his door like a creep listening to him having sex.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

You were out in the garden getting some fresh air, when you got interrupted by someone. "Goodmorning, miss." The chamberlain, that I first saw at the competition, greeted you with a big smile on his face. "Your mom is here to visit you."

"My mom is here? Where is she?" You asked him, as you got up from the bench that you were sitting on. "Yes, she is waiting for you at royal office." He told you.

You quickly made your way inside once you thanked, and said goodbye to the chamberlain.

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Your mom immediately greeted you with a tight hug once you arrived at the royal office. It felt like you haven’t seen each other in years - even tho it only was a few days.

"Dear, you look beautiful." She told you, as she looked at you, admiring the light blue dress you were wearing. "Come on, let’s sit down and talk. I wanna know everything."

We sat down on the sofa and she sipped on her tea that Maria brought us.

You didn’t know what you should tell her. There wasn’t much happening the last few days - nothing exciting anyway.

"How’s the King? Is he handsome?" She asked excitedly. "Well, he isn’t old and ugly as I thought." You laughed. "But, i don’t know. He doesn’t seem that nice."

"What do you mean? Does he treat you badly, Y/n?" She looked at you with concerned look on her face.

"He doesn’t treat me bad. But, he always answers me in cold tone, like he never really wants to talk to me. And the other day I saw him with another woman." You told her, leaving out the fact that you heard them having sex.

"Do you mean he has a mistress?" She asked you, and you nodded. "Well, a King having a mistress isn’t rare. I mean, they have to let go of their sexual frustration somehow." She looked at you. "Im sure every King had a mistress at some point.

"But then why did he not marry her? I don’t understand, why did he look for a girl to marry, when he already has a woman by his side?" You asked her. "Y/n, a mistress is only there, to fulfill the Kings sexual desires. A woman he marries is someone, that he wants as his wife. Not someone he only uses for sex. There’s a difference." She explained to you.

"Will she still be around after the King and I get married?" You asked her, trying to understand all of this.

"Of course not." She assured you.

"Im scared mom." You mumbled. Marrying someone is scary. Especially, if you don’t really know your future partner. You’re about to get married to the King, and you don’t even know him, you’ve only known him for like a week, you don’t even know what kind of person he truly is.

"What are you scared of, dear?" She asked you concerned.

"I’m scared of everything mom. I’m scared about the wedding, I’m scared of meeting his parents, I’m scared of sharing a bed with him, I’m scared about what comes after.... I’m scared of having sex with the King."

"There’s no need to be scared. I’m sure the King will treat you nicely, why wouldn’t he? He chose you to be his wife, he must surely like you." She tells. "And don’t worry about sex, my dear. Sex is something you should enjoy, not something to be scared of."

I guess she’s right. The King chose me for a reason, there’s no need for me to be scared. I tried to assure myself. But, I’m still not sure about having sex with him...

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

You kept on talking with your mom for a while, before she eventually had to leave for work.

After your mom left, You found myself at the dress fitting. You were being squeezed in one wedding dress after another, after one of the maids brought out a dress, what the King claimed, would be the perfect dress for you. It was white - who would’ve thought. It was a off the shoulder dress, with balloon sleeves that were made out of mesh. It had a few diamonds decorating the décolleté area. The dress was huge, but it look absolutely beautiful. You couldn’t wait to try it on.

You tried the dress on, and immediately fell in love with it, It hugged your curves beautifully - You never felt so pretty in a dress before.

All the maids, including Maria gasped as soon as they saw me. The King was absolutely right about this dress, it was the perfect dress for you.

"Miss, you look absolutely beautiful." One of the maids said told you, everyone agreeing with her. "I’m sure the King will be happy, seeing how beautiful you look, in the dress he picked." Another maid said.

After we tried on a few jewelry pieces, to see, what would fit best with the dress.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

After the dress fitting, it was time for lunch.

"I heard, your mother came to visit you today." He tells, as he made himself comfortable in his chair. "Yes. I was really surprised, as I wasn’t expecting her to visit me today - but I was happy to see her again." He nodded.

"How did your dress fitting go?"

"It went pretty well! We picked a really good dress." You tell him with a smile on my face. "I’m glad." He smiled back.

"When is the wedding by the way?" You ask, not having talked about it with him before.

"The Wedding is gonna be next week," he says calmly. "Are you nervous?"

Of course I’m nervous. "Oh! That’s so soon. I thought, it’s gonna be next month or something." You tell him nervously.

You weren’t expecting the wedding to be next week.

"Well, it was supposed to be next month. But I rescheduled it to next week." He says, voice confident.

"Oh! Okay. But what about your girlfriend?"

He looked at you confused. "My girlfriend? I don’t have a girlfriend." He told you with a chuckle.

"What about the Girl that was in your bedroom the other day?" You asked.

"She’s not my girlfriend, Y/n. She’s just a mistress." He told you.

"Okay." Was all you said. Feeling a little weird, hearing him, admitting that he has a mistress.

"Are you jealous." He asked you, an amused look on his face.

"No! Why would I be jealous? You’re free to do whatever you want, your highness." You told him honestly.

He looked a little taken back by what you said. But that’s the truth. If he wants to have a mistress, then he can have one.

"You don’t mind?"

"I mean, we’re not married yet. I wouldn’t want you to have a mistress once we’re married though." You told him, "or are you planning on keeping her?"

He looked at you confused. "Why would I keep her, when I have you?" He asked you.

"I don’t know, your highness. It was just a question, forget about it." You told him once you looked at him. He looked confused, like he couldn’t really understand you.

He nodded and took a sip of his water. "Do you have any other plans for today?" He asked, ignoring what you had just told him.

You looked at him with furrowed brows. "No, i don’t really have anything to do." You laughed awkwardly.

"Would you like to have a Walk around the garden with me tonight? - I’ve noticed you spend a lot of time in there. Let me show you around the garden, let me show you everything more properly." He tells, waiting for your answer.

"Sure! I’d love that."

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

After lunch u went back into your room, taking a shower and putting on some fresh clothes. Putting on a light yellow dress with flowers on it. You left your hair down, the way you always wore it.

You weren’t going to lie, you were kinda excited to have a little more alone time with the King. You haven’t really gotten to chance on getting to know him. I mean, you should at least get to know him a little better, before marrying him.

You decided to ask him a few a question about him. If he’s okay with it, of course.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

As you reached to the door to the garden, the King was already there, waiting for you. He wore a white blouse with brown trousers. His hair was slightly wavy and parted in the middle. He looked effortlessly beautiful just standing there.

"Ah! There she finally is." He said jokingly, causing you to smile.

"Im sorry, your highness. I would’ve hurried up, if I knew you were waiting for me." You told him, as you both walked out in the garden.

You both walked around in silent for a bit, before he spoke up. "Do you have a favorite flower?" He asked you, when he noticed you looking at the daises near the fountain.

"Yes! I love roses, yellow roses in particular." You looked at him.

"Ah, i see. Is there any reason why you like yellow roses, Y/n?" He asked you, as you two continued walking.

"My brothers would always pick yellow roses for me when I was younger, because they knew I liked roses. Everytime I was sad, they would come home with yellow roses, trying to cheer me up. They brought me yellow roses for my birthday every year, they said that the Rose resembled me, its bright and delicate like me." You told him with a smile on your face, as you thought about the old times. "Do you have a favorite flower, your highness?"

"I don’t have a favorite flower, Y/n" he chuckled. "But I liked hearing about your favorite flower." He said, while he looked at you.

The King showed you around the garden like he said he would. He showed and explained certain parts of the garden to you. Before you both decided to take a Break.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

You two kept on walking around the garden, until you stopped and sat down on a bench, that was under a tree.

"Can I ask you a question, your highness?" You asked him, looking at him.

"Of course."

"Why did you chose me? I mean, there were other girls, that clearly knew a lot more stuff about being a wife than I do." You mumbled, as you picked on your nails.

He turned his head and looked at you. "I was looking for a wife, Y/n, not a maid! All that those girls told me was, that they know how to do my laundry and cook for me. I don’t care about that stuff. They looked way to eager to become my wife, you were different though. That’s why I picked you." He says.

You were different? What does he mean? You didn’t even step forward when he first asked you to. All you did was, stand there awkwardly, hoping that the competition would come to an end soon.

"What do you mean?"

"You did not try, and push yourself on me like the others did. You were all the way at the back and kept yourself hidden from me. I liked that, it made you more interesting, it got me more interested in you." He says, eyeing you.

"I see." You said, looking in front of you. "Can I ask hold you are? - I’m sorry, I’m not trying to sound rude. I’m just curious because you know, were getting married and-"

"I’m 23, Y/n." He says with a grin, interrupting you.

"Oh! You’re not much older than me, thank god. I thought you were a little older - not that you look old! I just, I don’t know, I didn’t expect you to be so young." You tell him, not wanting him to think, that you thought he was old and possibly offend him.

"Don’t worry! people often get surprised, when I tell them, I’m only 23." he chuckles. "I guess, they just don’t expect a King to be so young."

"Yeah I guess." You say.

"Earlier you said, you’ve noticed me being in the garden a lot, were you spying on me, your highness?" You joke.

"Would you be scared, if I said yes?" He looks at you with a serious face.

"No, i would not be scared." You chuckle, but you don’t find it funny. His question suddenly making you feel a little uncomfortable.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

You two talked for a little longer, before you both decided it was time for bed.

The King walked you to your bedroom, insisting on it even tho you told him, there was no need.

"Goodnight, Y/n. Sleep tight." He says with a grin on his face, once you reached your bedroom.

"Goodnight, your highness." You tell him, before closing the door.

You got ready for bed, not being able to get the Kings question out of your mind. It did made you a little scared, you weren’t gonna lie. But he was probably just joking around, and you were overthinking it a little much, like you always did.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Taglist : @fangirl125reader @min-nicoleee @yzkyzkuniverse @safi4x

#bts imagination #bts #bts x reader #bts angst #bts smut #jungkook imagine #jungkook x y/n #jungkook smut #jungkook fic #jeon jungko #bts fic #bangtan #jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader

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vanserraseris · 3 years ago

Note

END OF PART XIV - I feel like I should say that things don’t really get any happier?? A few years have passed since the last part and Eris is a little ooc. Just a warning that there are mentions of character death and blood. Thank you to everyone who reads.

omfg i am SO sorry it took me forever to get this part up. anyway im crying

Prince of Ashes. Part XIV.

masterlist.

Eris sat on his stool once more, the old wooden legs creaking under his weight. He was well aware that the small, ugly tavern was well below an acceptable place for him to be, but he’d needed a break. Pity, Eris thought, that he hadn’t been able to find one. He shook his head, little pieces of broken glass falling from his hair and onto the sticky bar top. He felt blood dripping down the side of his face and wiped it away with the back of his hand.

The female behind the bar had pressed herself up against one of the shelves, had put as much distance between the two of them as was possible. Eris simply pushed the glass in front of him towards her, no emotion in his voice as he said, “I’ll have another, if you don’t mind.” Her brown eyes widened before she whirled around, quickly grabbing the already open bottle of cognac behind her. With shaking hands, she poured the drink into his glass.

Eris could hear her rapidly beating heart and scowled, bringing the glass to his lips and draining its contents. The female rushed to refill his glass just as the doors to the tavern opened. Eris didn’t turn to see who it was, he didn’t have to. He recognized his friend’s scent, scrunching his nose as he wiped at more blood that dripped down his face. Eris’s ears twitched at the sound of Lagos walking towards him, his boot-clad feet crunching the broken pieces of glass on the floor.

Eris tried not to breathe in too deeply as Lagos pulled a stool towards the bar, the wooden legs dragging through a pool of blood, it’s iron scent burning through Eris’s nose.

“Have you been doing that all day?” Lagos sounded very disappointed as he sat down.

Eris wasn’t entirely sure whether Lagos was talking about the drinking, or about the two dozen faeries he’d killed. It didn’t really matter, his answer remained the same, “Just started.”

“It’s unlike you to drink without company.”

Eris raised a brow, turning his head in his friend’s direction, but looking past him. Eris stared at the dead faerie slumped against the dark wood of the bar as he spoke, “Are you here to join me?”

Lagos sighed, moving so that Eris could look at him instead. “I’m here, Eris, because Rufus told us where you’d be. He’s worried, we’re worried, and you won’t tell any of us a thing.”

Eris scowled, turning away from him to face the female behind the bar.

She was staring at him differently now, the fact that she recognized who he was evident in her lovely features. “How much for the whole bottle?”

“Ten coppers,” she said, voice clear despite her obvious nerves.

Eris shoved his hand into the back pocket of his brown pants, placing ten gold marks on the table instead. “I’m buying the bottle and I’m buying your silence.” Eris made sure there were flames in his eyes as he looked at her.

Eris hadn’t known that the rebels he was looking for would be sitting in the tavern he’d entered. They’d paused at his arrival, their loud talking turning into hushed murmuring as he’d sat at the bar. Eris had seen the leader, had recognized her from the large scar over her brow, and wished he hadn’t. They’d all put up a good fight, would have made excellent warriors had they not chosen to fight against Beron.

Eris had decided to spare the young female behind the bar, the only survivor, because she’d reminded Eris of his mother. She placed the bottle in front of him, nearly dropping it as she said, “Yes, my prince.”

“I think it would be best if you left,” Lagos advised, tilting his head towards the door.

Eris only briefly watched the female as she grabbed the gold, as she scrambled out of the tavern, stepping over a dead male as she practically ran away from the bar.

Eris sniffed, swirling the cognac in the bottle as he slowly pushed his full glass towards Lagos. Instead of speaking, Eris chose to lift the heavy bottle to his lips.

“You aren’t going to find happiness at the bottom of that bottle,” Lagos muttered, running a hand through his long, dark hair. The gold tattoos on each of his fingers seemed brighter than usual in the gloom of the tavern.

Eris rolled his eyes, “I’m not trying to find happiness.” He raised the bottle in his friend’s direction before he took a long drink, “I’m trying to drown my sorrows.”

Lagos furrowed his brows, “I think you’ve had enough.”

“I’ve definitely not had enough.” Eris shook his head, the scent of blood making him dizzy. Perhaps if he drank a little more, he wouldn’t be able to smell it. “I finally understand why Cato was always in such a foul mood, though.”

“Eris—”

“The High Lord has me taking over some of his duties,” Eris waved a hand, eyes scanning the small space around him, looking over all the dead faeries. Eris hadn’t known the extent of what his father had been making Cato do all these years, had never bothered to ask his younger brother what his duties had been outside of questioning prisoners at The Forest House. Being in Cato’s shoes as Beron worked to find his replacement had Eris feeling absolutely dreadful.

Lagos took a deep breath, “This is what Cato did?” Of course Lagos would be horrified. Eris had been sent to the small town outside Calchas to find the steadily growing rebel group, and had been ordered to kill them if he did. Rebel groups in Autumn seemed to be getting more and more popular; Eris wasn’t surprised.

Eris faced his friend, looked into his dark brown eyes. “Horrible enough to drive anyone mad, isn’t it?”

“It would explain why you yelled at Rufus this morning.”

“Fuck off, Lagos,” Eris snapped, “Honestly, if you’re here because Rufus is worried, you’ve come here in vain.”

“I’m here,” Lagos snarled, “Because if Rufus can’t get through to you, I’m not sure anyone else can.” Eris couldn’t count the times his friends had tried to talk to him after Lucien had left Autumn, after Cato and Owain had been killed. Eris hadn’t wanted to talk to them, had pushed them away when they tried.

Eris huffed a humourless laugh, “You don’t have to worry about me, I’m fine.”

“Evidently,” Lagos grabbed the bottle from Eris’s hand just as he’d been about to bring it to his lips, “Of course you’re fine, Mother forbid anyone worry about you.” He slammed the bottle onto the bar.

“Don’t start with this shit again,” Eris was tired, he’d had a long day, he didn’t want to listen to anything Lagos had to tell him — he’d heard it all before.

“This is an intervention,” Lagos waved his hand, “I’m intervening. I’m not going to sit here and watch you drink, following your father’s orders as you try to win a throne you’ve never wanted.”

Eris wiped at the blood on his face again. “Who says I don’t want it?”

“You!” Lagos raised his voice a bit, “You’ve been saying it since I’ve known you!”

“Well, I changed my mind,” Eris ran a hand through his hair, he’d given this issue much thought lately.

“I’m going to steal my father’s crown and I’m going to rule Autumn.” Beron wasn’t good for this court, he’d always been too selfish, too power-hungry, too cruel. Maddox wouldn’t be a good High Lord, he was better off leading the Royal Guard. Priam was just as likely to abandon Autumn as he was to rule it well. And Rufus didn’t want the throne, even if Eris thought he would be the best one on it.

Lagos sounded frustrated as he said, “And how do you plan on doing that?”

Eris flashed his friend a smile, “Not sure yet, but I’m a patient male, Lagos. I’ll wait another 300 years for that crown if I have to.” Eris had never been humble, it was easy for him to see that he was the only reasonable option, the only one of his brothers who could be a decent High Lord after he got rid of Beron.

Lagos sighed, reaching out with a hand, “Eris—”

Eris growled when Lagos placed that hand on his arm, “Don’t touch me.”

“I’m taking you home,” Lagos snapped, no longer touching him though, “Obviously, we need to talk. Unless you’d like to fight this out, just like we used to.”

“Tempting,” Eris lifted his chin, “But I just spent a good hour fighting out my anger.” That, and Eris had never beaten Lagos in a fight, and they’d fought countless times in the years they’d known each other.

“Fine, let’s just,” he held his hand out to Eris, an offering, “Let’s go home.”

There was a time where Eris would have taken his friend’s hand without question. Lagos, who had stayed by his side for nearly three centuries and was in danger because of it. Eris looked at Lagos and saw a brother, just another brother he could disappoint, another brother he could fail. Eris pushed his stool away from the bar, “You’ll have to drag me there,” he declared as he stood up.

Lagos rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt, “Don’t fucking test me, Eris, I’ll do it.”

Eris waved a hand dismissively, “Go ahead.”

Eris hadn’t truly believed Lagos would do it, but when he fell to the ground, the back of his head smacking against the hardwood floor of the tavern, he guessed he’d been wrong about how much shit Lagos was willing to take from him before he snapped.

“What the fuck?” Eris snarled, kicking out one of his long legs.

“You fucking asked for it,” Lagos said through clenched teeth, his arms around Eris’s torso as a bright light flared around them.

Eris vaguely realized that Lagos had winnowed them somewhere, most likely to the yard outside his cottage.

Eris and Lagos tumbled and rolled in the long grass, fists flying. They were both punching and hitting and swearing, Eris was keeping a tight leash on his flames the whole time, still self aware enough to prevent burning one of his best friends. Eris heard Micah, would have recognized his voice anywhere, as he called out to them.

“Following orders blindly,” Lagos growled as he tried to pin Eris underneath him, “Being horrible to Rufus, ignoring your mother.” They tumbled a little more in the grass, “You’re better than this.”

Eris pushed Lagos roughly with one of his hands, “Am I?” Eris didn’t really think he was, not after all the things he’d done. Eris wasn’t a good male, that much he was certain of.

Before Lagos could respond, he was wrenched off Eris by a livid Widge. “I can’t believe you would fucking do that.”

Eris sat up, raking a hand through his now messy hair. He couldn’t remember the last time Widge had been angry, and almost felt bad for having played a part in it. Micah got down on his knees beside him, placed a hand on his shoulder, it took all of Eris’s strength not to shrug him off.

“You can’t seriously be angry at me,” Lagos growled, staring up at Widge, incredulous. “Our friend just killed over twenty people — decent, hopeful, hard-working people — because they wanted to overthrow the worst High Lord in Prythian, and you’re angry at me?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Widge started, “But I think we’re all old enough to use our words instead of our fists.”

Micah shook his head, looking at Lagos with furrowed brows, “This isn’t what I had in mind when I said we needed to work things out.” Eris stiffened at the thought that his friends had been discussing him when he wasn’t there, but Micah continued speaking, anger clear in his tone. “I’m certain this was uncalled for, Lagos.”

Lagos threw his hands in the air, “You’re on his side?” Lagos seemed more surprised than hurt, “Why are you on his side, Micah?”

Micah sighed, his other hand coming up to rest on Eris’s arm. “Because he’s upset.”

“I’m not upset, why would I be upset?” They all seemed content to ignore Eris as they continued talking.

Lagos snorted, “Right, that’s the reason.”

Micah flushed, opening his mouth to respond, but Widge spoke first. “I think everyone needs to just take a breath,” he helped Lagos to his feet.

“You can take a breath, I’m not done speaking,” Lagos muttered.

Widge looked slightly panicked as he brushed some dirt off of the other male. “Enough, Lagos, just… just stop for a minute.”

Lagos ignored him, turned to face Eris, brown eyes glowing gold, “I always saw through your unbothered, arrogant, asshole act. Always. Tonight, I could not.” Lagos shook his head, “Keep the mask on long enough, Eris, and you forget what’s underneath.”

Eris held his oldest friend’s gaze, “There’s no mask.” Eris wasn’t some secret hero, he wasn’t some misunderstood male with good intentions, “I’m just my father’s son.”

Micah tightened his hold on Eris’s shoulder, “Lagos,” he said in the tone he usually reserved for ordering soldiers around, “Leave him alone.”

Lagos didn’t look like he wanted to leave Eris alone, he looked like he wanted to hit him.

Eris couldn’t blame him, but he felt oddly at peace knowing that he’d probably pushed Lagos too far. “I’m leaving,” Lagos muttered, “I’ll return when you snap out of whatever mood you’re currently in,” that statement directed at Eris. Eris wasn’t planning on snapping out of his mood anytime soon, but he watched as Lagos winnowed away without another word, jaw clenched so hard it hurt.

Just as Lagos left, Micah placed gentle fingers on Eris’s chin, moving some of Eris’s hair to look at him closely. “You’re bleeding.” He didn’t need to ask the question he so clearly wanted to, Eris knew what he wanted.

“One of the faeries I killed tonight threw a bottle at me,” Eris mumbled as Micah tilted his head to the side, trying to get a better look, “She had a very good arm.”

“It’s very unlike you to follow such orders,” Micah’s emerald eyes looked troubled.

Micah wasn’t wrong, Eris had gotten very good at talking his way out of orders he didn’t like. Eris felt blood trickle down the side of his face, and Micah leaned closer to him, pressed the clean sleeve of his shirt against Eris’s brow.

“My father doesn’t trust me.”

“Do you want him to?” Micah stopped pressing his sleeve against Eris’s face, his hand replacing the fabric as he held onto Eris, his thumb resting gently on Eris’s cheekbone.

“I need him to.” Eris hadn’t realized how close he’d gotten to Micah.

“What is the cost?” Eris shuddered when Micah’s thumb slowly stroked his cheekbone, “What will it cost you?”

Eris knew the cost. He hadn’t been determined enough, hadn’t been focused enough on becoming High Lord all these years. He’d liked spending time with his friends, liked spending time with Rufus and Lucien. He’d liked trying to charm pretty females and handsome males, liked getting wasted on faerie wine and pixie.

He needed his father to trust him — that was the first step in taking his crown — and that meant Eris needed to get his hands dirty, needed to follow those orders with a smile on his face. Eris knew what it would cost — his friends, his brothers, his mother — and he was prepared to pay the price. Eris looked into Micah’s clear green eyes as he answered, “Everything that matters.” Micah bit the inside of his bottom lip, nodding once.

Eris froze when Micah inched closer to him, their noses almost touching, eyes half-lidded. “Eris, please—”

Eris didn’t really want to hear what Micah had to say, so he simply decided to close the distance between them. Eris tilted his head, mouth slanting across Micah’s, eyes fluttering shut when he didn’t pull away.

Micah’s lips were soft against Eris’s, the hand cupping Eris’s face was firm as he pulled Eris closer in a breathless gasp. Eris’s tongue brushed against Micah’s, and Eris felt some of the control on his magic slip.

Eris lifted his hand, tangling his fingers in Micah’s light brown hair, everything about the other male familiar. He decided that this would be the last time, his other hand fisted in the blades of grass by Micah’s hand.

With one final tender kiss on Micah’s lips, Eris pulled back, resting his forehead against Micah’s, eyes closed. “I need to sit on that throne,” Eris bit the inside of his cheek, tasting blood. He loosened his hold on Micah’s hair, “Maybe then I can fix this court.”

Micah pulled back, moved his hand so that it rested against Eris’s neck. “You do what you have to, Eris, but I don’t — I know I am selfish for it, but… I don’t think I can sit back and watch you.”

Eris’s eyes snapped open at the sound of Micah’s wavering voice. Micah wasn’t selfish, he was anything but selfish. Eris hadn’t been expecting Micah to be so upset, his cheeks were flushed, tears streaming down his face. Eris had to remind himself that this was for the best, that if he stayed away it would keep him safe.

“Don’t waste your tears on me, Micah,” Eris murmured. He would have kissed them away if he didn’t think it would make things infinitely more difficult.

Micah took a deep breath, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand, “I need to go.” Eris felt the sudden urge to beg him not to. Instead, he just sat frozen as Micah stood to leave.

Eris stared at Micah’s feet as he walked away. He vaguely heard Widge trying to stop him, had nearly forgotten that Widge was still there. He ripped at a patch of grass, loosing a long breath.

Eris was still staring after Micah when Widge dropped down to sit beside him. “They’ll be back.”

“I don’t want them to come back,” Eris snarled, “I want to get rid of you, too.”

“I don’t think it matters what you want,” Widge ran a hand through his copper hair, “I mean, obviously it does,” he cringed. “What you want matters, it should always matter, it’s just that I think you’re lying.”

Eris wondered if it was possible to both want them to come back and want them to stay as far away from him as possible. “You’re not leaving?” Eris asked, turning to face Widge.

Widge flashed Eris a small smile, knocking his shoulder into Eris’s. “Not a chance.”

“I’m going to lean on you, then,” Eris muttered.

Widge shifted closer to him, “You can lean on me whenever you like.”

Eris crossed his arms, kicked his legs out in front of him, and slumped against Widge’s much smaller frame. “Everything I touch, I turn to ash.”

Eris felt Widge shake his head, “That’s not true.”

“It is, though,” Eris sighed, “Over two centuries of friendship just went up in flames.” Which Eris had to keep reminding himself was what he had wanted.

“They’re just worried,” Widge said, sounding very sure, “They’re also probably too proud to admit that they’re also a little afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” Eris wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know the answer. The last thing he wanted was for Widge to tell him that they were all afraid of him.

“Afraid of losing you.”

Eris stared at his boots, the brown leather stained with blood. “Oh,” he said, feeling rather stupid for not having anything better to say.

“And I think you should know, Eris,” Widge continued, “That you’re nothing like your father.”

Eris didn't think that was true, but he was glad someone thought so all the same.

45 notes · View notes

ushiwakaout · 4 years ago

Text

Things I believe Oikawa Tooru (pro brazilian volleyball player) would say if you lived together (from the moment you wake up, to the moment you fall asleep).

for my sake, i’m gonna use mexican spanish bc i KNOW there’s such a big difference when speaking portugués - i’ll translate it anyway.

you live in brazil w oikawa too, and you do pottery

warnings: slight nsfw and major spoiler warning for timeskip

“Hey, lazy butt. Rise and shine.” (4:00 am)

you: “Oikawa, deja me en paz (leave me in peace).”

“No me hables así, soy tu novio. (Don’t talk to me like that, i’m you’re boyfriend).”

“I’m gonna go on a run, i’ll be back.”

“Beso(kiss).”

“Make me some breakfast before i come back, will ya?”

“Shoyos probably gonna stop by so make extra! love you, bye!” (4:30 am)

“We’re back! And i’m brought shoyo, like i said i would!” (6:45 am)

“You’re lucky they’re willing to cook this morning, tiene una manó (they’ve got a hand(for cooking)).”

*taps your ass when passing by you in the kitchen*

“Thank you for the meal.” *forehead kiss*

“Gah! I’m stuffed! Thank you baby.” (7:30 am)

“We’ve got practice in the afternoon, you wanna come or?”

“What do you mean you can’t.”

“Oh, right you have projects you need to deliver... Good luck with that then.”

*tooru very much gets pouty when you can’t go to his practice bc he likes seeing you sunbathe*

*once hinata says thanks for breakfast and dips, oikawa will just watch you finish up your projects*

“You need help filling up the kiln?” (8:30 am)

“Do you need help glazing?”

“What about this one? Do i put it in the kiln?”

“Oye! Te estoy hablando! (Hey! I’m taking to you!)”

“Give me a kiss before you get a muddy and dirty.”

“Can we recreate that one scene from dirty dancing?”

“What? I watch american movies too you know!”

*although you say no, Oikawa will 100% sit behind you to reach his hands under your shirt, kiss the back of your neck, maybe tuck your hair out of the way so he can leave marks*

*you can’t tell me that this mother fucker hasn’t made you sit on his cock while you do pottery... please god. It will get so messy because he picks up your lap enough for him to fuck you so slowly*

“You got some on your face, come here.”

“Don’t get too messy”

*loves seeing you covered in pottery clay tho bc he knows you work with blood sweat and tears the way he does with volleyball*

“I’m gonna go ahead and get ready for practice.” (11:00 am)

“I gotta leave at 12, you sure you can’t come?”

“Be ready by the time i get back, we’re going on a date.”

“If you’re not ready i’ll go on the date by myself.”

“Do you know where i put my sunglasses?”

“Can i steal your sun cap, i can’t seem to find mine.”

“I’m gonna head out now, come give me a kiss.”

“Give me another one.”

“I won’t be late amor (love), just give me some sugar.”

“Hey get you’re clay hands off me.”

“I’ll be back around 4, i’ll let you know if i’m gonna be late.” (11:40 am)

*you smacked his ass on the way out and he didn’t even bother to check the fat hand mark on his shorts*

*over the phone “Hey amor (love) i’m gonna be running late okay?” (3:50 pm)

*still over the phone* “Don’t be mad, kay? I’ll be home as quick as i can. Besos (kisses), love you too.”

“IM HOME! I’ll shower and we’ll get going.” (4:30 pm)

*smacks your ass* “You look good.”

“Give me a kiss.”

“What do you mean no?”

“Oh come on, you like it when i’m sweaty~”

“EY! No me pegues! (Hey! Don’t hit me!).”

“Did you buy me more leave in conditioner?”

“Bring me towel!”

“No i genuinely forgot it this time, please hand it over i’m getting cold.”

“Gracias amor~ (Thanks love)”

“okay okay, i’m ready let’s go!” (5:00 pm)

“Hold my hand.”

“No te passes, dame tu mano. (Don’t cross the line, give me your hand).”

“Do you want food? I’m hungry- did you eat lunch? Okay good, i know you forget sometimes.”

“Let’s go get some acorda de mariscos” (açorda de mariscos is a seafood bread stew)

*will get recognized in public once and a while bc beach volleyball is a pretty big sport in portugal from what i know, correct me if i’m wrong, i’m mexican/american*

*will speak perfect portuguese to his fans, they’re always surprised*

*always has to show his residency card to prove that he’s of age to drink*

“They always mistake me as a minor, it’s annoying.” (5:30 pm)

“It’s not funny, can a man not get a paloma (a paloma is just a type of cocktail with tequilita and a type of grapefruit juice/soda) in peace?”

“Should i grow a beard? Why not? I think i’d look good.”

“A baby a staring at me, should i scare it?”

“Ow! I’m kidding, i’m kidding.”

“I want a baby, give me a baby.”

“What do you mean i’m enough? I don’t think that’s a compliment.”

“If i propose right now, will you give me a baby?”

“You’re such a bore.” 😤

“Let’s go to a club , i wanna dance.” (7:00 pm)

*you can’t tell me oikawa doesn’t know how to dance like a god*

“Stop being a prude and get closers, it’s not like we haven’t been closer.” (7:30 pm)

“Stop blushing...”

*when oikawa dances, his hands are roaming everywhere youre body*

“I’m gonna get another drink. You want anything?”

*you sit by your lonesome, and obviously someone has to hit on you because oikawa isn’t around*

“Hey- piss off, they said they aren’t interested and they are taken, by yours truly... So how about you run along now.”

*if oikawa wasn’t so humble about you he would probably beat the shit out of someone*

“Finish up your drink and we’ll head somewhere else.” (9:00 pm)

*he definitely club/bar hops*

*probably will get drunk at the third or fourth club*

“Baby~ Come give me a kiss.”

“Honey~ do you love me?”

“Yeah? give me a kiss.”

*will 100% make out with you in the club. one hand gripped at the back of your neck so you don’t push away*

*quicky in the club bathroom bc he’s not willing to wait, hand over your mouth and a bites your shoulder bc he’s as loud as you are*

“Let’s go home yeah?” (11:00 pm)

“Let’s take a shower together~”

*fucking in the bathroom*

*if you couldn’t tell, he’s horny when drunk*

“Oh! Iwa-chan is calling”

*both of you lay in bet together while he’s on the phone with iwaizumi*

“He wants to talk to you.”

“She said she doesn’t want to.”

*will make you lay on his chest while he just pets your hair*

*sees that your asleep and takes pictures of you while sleeping*

“Yeah she’s asleep now..”

“No, I haven’t found the right ring yet.”

“I’m not getting old iwa-chan! i’m getting younger by the minute.”

“It’s not like they won’t say no... right.”

“Hey! don’t make fun on me- when you meet the right one, you’ll know how i’ll feel.”

“Shh- go back to sleep baby, i’ll go to sleep in a minute.” (12:00 am)

*kisses you’re forehead*

extras:

“Hey honey, am i getting fat?”

“Look in the mirror, i see someone beautiful and then you- the second most beautiful.”

“Stop telling Shōyō that i like getting my blackheads popped!”

“Hey- schedule me a manicure will you?”

“Take a picture with me and shōyō and then send it to tobio-chan.”

“Wax my brows, and do it right this time!”

“Hey, do my makeup- why? Because i wanna look better than you.”

“Woah woah woah, who said you can take pictures of me.”

“Delete it, i look ugly- WHAT DO YOU MEAN THATS THE POINT! YOURE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME IM PRETTY”

*fiddles with your fingers in public*

*will propose to you when he wins against msby bc he just wants to publicly address that he’s the best and has the best*

171 notes · View notes

sleepypeaky · 4 years ago

Text

amore e famiglia

Michael gray x italian-american male reader

request: My gay italian ass self would LOVE a Micheal Gray fic, but like, not sure he would like a guy who's italian after that fucking Luca incident.. and I dont know if you write for mlm..

a/n: ok so i fuckign wrote this BEFORE i wrote amore and i never fucking posted this klfdsgjdlskfgjkldf im such a fuckign idiot

(original a/n) this is very obviously a projection and naturally i chose a dinner scene to potray this bcs ... italian. I hope you dont mind that i added siblings, i wanted it to have a larger 1920s family vibe. Dedicated to all of my italian american gays ✌️we be lit

Part 1/prequel

1928?

Before you knocked on the door you turned to michael, giving him yet another disclaimer.

You took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Ma i’m here!” You called.

The door opened into a small foyer area, then up ahead was the living room, kitchen, and around the corner to the right was the dining room and bedrooms. Your mother hurried out of the kitchen wiping her hands on her apron.

“(y/n) bambino!” She cooed in her light accent as she pulled you in for a big hug and kissed your cheeks fervently. She held you at the shoulders when she pulled back to inspect you for damage. Then she remembered Michael.

“You must be Michael!” She abandoned you and went to make her attack on him, which was difficult considering he was a good foot taller than her. Nevertheless, she gave him a once-over and let out an incoherent exclamation of satisfaction, then she pulled his face down to plant a kiss on either cheek.

“I see you are a good strong boy. You take care of my son!” Then she hurried off to set the dining room table.

You turned to Michael, “Well that went pretty well.”

You helped michael find a hook for his coat and then led him into the living room.

Your father in a chair in the corner, muttering at the newspaper held up to his face.

“Hiya Pop.”

He looked up and seemed to suddenly remember that company was coming over. He folded the paper and stood up, saying a brief hello to you accompanied with a light pinch and slap of your cheek. He held out his hand to michael who shook it.

“Nice to meet you sir.” He said. You laughed at his formality.

Your father smiled and nodded his head satisfactorily, he clapped a hand on michael’s shoulder. “You see,” he was talking to you “words of respect! I like the look of you Michael.”

“Thank you sir.”

Your father was called out of the room to assist your mother and you had a minute alone with Michael.

“You see, It’s not going so bad!” He said to you and squeezed your hand.

“True,” You sighed “But just wait until my sisters get here.”

“Nonna!” You called loudly as you stepped into the kitchen. The small woman was stirring something in a pot that looked twice her size. She let out a cry of excitement when she saw you both. She hobbled over and reached up to pinch your cheek and said an affectionate “faccia brutto!”

[faccia brutto is a term of endearment, but basically means ‘you’re ugly’]

Your grandmother now turned to Michael and pretty visibly swooned.

“This is Michael.” You said.

“piacere di conoscerti.” Michael said in butchered italian. You instantly loved him more for trying to speak your grandmothers language, though, not as much as she was.

She threw her hands up and squealed with delight, she babbled a bit in italian before reaching up to pinch michael’s cheek. “Faccia Bello!!” She exclaimed triumphantly.

You laughed, “She says you’re handsome.”

Michael grinned and rubbed the red pinch mark on his face.

Shortly after, your older sister arrived with her husband, and one of your younger sisters came shortly after.

“I have 5 beautiful children,” Your mother explained to michael from across the table. “First a girl, then (y/n) my little boy, then the next 3 girls. But two live too far away for dinner, but we fill space with you!”

Amidst the talking -or should i say yelling- you glanced at michael to see he was clearly unaccustomed to the volume of the conversation.

nonna came out with the pot somehow carrying it before her. she gave everyone a slop of sauce and pasta from the pot, but when she got to michael she gave him more than the others

“Strong boy” she said in a thick italian accent and pinched his cheek again. Your sister laughed. “Looks like nonna likes you michael.”

“So what do you do Michael?” Your sister’s husband asked.

“I, ah...” You smirked into your fork-full of pasta. You liked seeing how michael reacted to that question. “Family business- motor manufacturing, I was just the accountant but now I oversee the New York branch.”

You could feel michael relax as your brother in law took the story- he had no reason not to.

“Family business you say, I like that. It’s good to keep things in the family.” Your father would say something like that. “Whats the name?”

“Shelby Company Limited- my cousin’s name.”

It was over. You leaned agains the door to your apartment and let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh come on! It was great!” Michael assured you.

You kicked off you shoes and went to collapse on the couch.

Michael came over and slipped under your sprawled legs.

“You were amazing.” You said and you kissed him.

“But,” You said with a grin. “I dont think i can be with you anymore.”

Michael smiled, “And why is that?”

“Because i think my grandma wants you for herself strong boy.” You mimicked your grandmothers accent on the last words.

Michael laughed, “well thats too bad because she might not think so but you have a faccia bello.”

You smiled and kissed him again.

“Now,” You said. “It’s your family’s turn.”

#michael gray #michael gray x reader #michael gray x male reader #peaky blinders x male!reader #male reader #michael gray x male!reader #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders x reader #mlm

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okitagumi · 3 years ago

Note

every single color for the ask box thingy 😽😼 (,if u wanna lol)

Invade my privacy. Do it.

Purple: 10 facts about my room

i used to share it with my sister, my wardrobe is about to fall apart any minute cuz it's old and sucks, i have 3 different fairy lights in there, the walls are white now but they used to be yellow and blue, there's a dent in a wall from the time i threw a chair, the message chair my mother bought my dad for his 40th bday is in my room but it's broken and i dont want it but there's nowhere else to put it, there are also exactly 4 posters of my favorite kpop girlgroup, the bookshelf in my room is actually way too small for all the books im planning to buy in the future but there's no space for another shelf, the lightbulb in my room take a while to fully light up so whenever i turn on the light it gradually .. slowly .... gets brighter, my brother's been trying to get me to switch rooms with him for ages cuz his is smaller but i wont

Blue: 9 facts about my family

albanians from kosovo, i still have relatives living in kosovo but most of my family's abroad (mainly germany, austria and switzerland) by now, i have two younger siblings, i grew up with my siblings and 5 of our cousins in one house until i was 10 so we were 8 kids in total (i was the oldest), i have about 50 cousins in total, my brother got engaged last year on dec 26th and then married just 2 days after, my grandpa was the first in our family to emigrate to germany in 1970 and he went all alone, my dad was born in kosovo two years after that and then came to germany in 1986 when he was 14, my parent's marriage was arranged and my mother had no problem with that but my dad really wasn't happy with it

Green: 8 facts about appearance

my hair's red currently, but naturally it's dark brown, my hair's pretty long like lower back length but also damaged as hell, i'm 5'5 / 165cm, i have dark eyes, also long finger nails and they're a pain sometimes BUT i keep them long because i used to be a huge nail-biter and im proud i could stop that habit, i had straight bangs for a few months but they look terrible now cuz im growing them out, u'll rarely see me without nail polish

Yellow: 7 facts about my childhood

i think i repressed the memory of most of it cuz i barely remember anything tbh lmao, in 3rd grade we had obligatory swimming lessons every 2 weeks and i almost drowned once (i couldnt swim back then and im still a terrible swimmer), i almost hung myself on accident while playing with one of my cousins, watching digimon after kindergarten/elementary school was my biggest happiness, like i said earlier we were eight kids but our parents didn't want to waste money on toys we'd eventually break anyways so we'd always have to come up with games ourselves (like jumping from a small wall onto the binbags in the backyard, throwing stones instead of balls .......), i once got so angry i whacked my brother over the head with a belt buckle and his head bled so hard he had to be driven to the hospital anyways i still cant stand the sight of blood, my cousin and i once played in our grandpa's car but one of us accidentally released the handbreak and the car rolled backwards with us still in it and the adults who were outside freaked OUT

Orange: 6 facts about my home town

it's not really a town it's just a village with a little over 3k ppl, i moved here when i was about 2 years old, then i moved a couple streets away when i was 10 bc my parents were tired of so many people in one house, my 9th/10th grade german teacher lives like 2 minutes away from me, my elemtary school building isn't used anymore cuz they build a new school building right next to it where the park was but the new one's kind ugly (and too small apparently), we have like 5 or 6 cemetries here

Red: 5 facts about my best friend

i dont have one best friend but rather a group of best friends so one fact for each of them: two of them are twins i met 5 years ago, another one has been my friend for like 11 years ? we've never actually met tho but we probably will this year, another one lives in indonesia but we've known each other for pretty much 6 years now, i've met this friend about 6 years ago on twitter too and we love remembering the beef between some of our shared mutuals and friends what a fun time, last one is also from indonesia and i havent known her for as long as the others (maybe 3 years or something) but we grew close so quickly so now instead of our names it's always beloved this beloved that .. everyone's sick of us probbly

Pink: 4 facts about my parents

im not close to my mother at all like she might as well be a stranger to me that's how terrible our relationship is, im kind of close to my dad but even with him it's more of a "i hate you one moment and love you the next" kind of thing, like i said earlier my dad initially didnt want to get married to my mother because no one even asked him lmao his dad was just like "son ... i found a wife for u" and that was that. he accepted it after a while but from what i've heard from my uncles he didn't even want to be in the same room as her at first, they've been married for almost 28 years now

White: 3 facts about my personality

im extremely introverted, doesn't mean i enjoy staying in all the time cuz i also get bored so quickly, it takes a lot to genuinely make me angry

Grey: 2 facts about my favorite things

right now my favorite thing is mahoyaku so i'll just drop 2 facts about that: one of the characters canonically fucked for sugar, another character canonically eats dirt and charcoal and plates (mistook plate for cookie)

Black: 1 fact about the person I like

i dont like anyone tbh

#asks #bussyenthusiast #long post

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harveywritings92 · 4 years ago

Text

Soulmate AU: Shay Cormack X Reader

Au: your Soulmate gets a scar, you get a tattoo in the exact same place it disappears once your soulmate kisses it , Reader's tattoos resemble ivy vines with a small black flower with red tips blossoming on the ends.

Y/n frowned as she heard giggling coming from behind her back, Her older sisters were laughing at her again or to be more specific her soulmate's mark, ever since it showed up they've been more rotten than usual, possibly out of all them she wants to meet her soulmate instead marrying the first rich sod that blinked at them.

Their parents obviously shared Y/n's churning as both were soulmates and always encouraged their daughters to seek out their soulmates. however, when the scars started showing on the twins there was no rejoice in their eyes; just disgust and annoyance. when they did meet their soulmates they laughed in their faces, declaring fate be damned they would never be with "the help" or some low waged dock worker!

Sara the oldest twin who soulmate was a stable boy in Lexington, She married the prominent banker's son and lives in New York. Who's unbeknownst to Sara cheating on her with his actual soulmate who is a man, Y/n was the one who caught him, but won't say anything because she knows what will happen to those poor boys should anyone find out.

while Lana the younger of the two whose soulmate was a quartermaster and large shipping vessel, is a mistress of a disgusting plantain owner who was a two decades older her who claims he's going to leave his wife for her. (good luck with that!)

They mock and chastised Y/n for chasing a pipe dream and rave about how ugly and poor her soulmate must be and he's probably a smelly drunkard for getting such an ugly marks on the y/ht woman's body, Y/n just kept a straight face while they and their gaggle of high-class hens peck and squawk at her supposed misfortune.

As their mother & father chided twins for picking on their sister, Y/n sighed and decided she needed a break from this posh gig and being mocked. The y/ht decided to take a walk, after changing out of her dress and into a shirt, jacket and trousers and wandered out into the streets of New York enjoying the silence, when a black blur suddenly slammed into her knocking the y/hc woman to the ground bringing whoever it was down with her.

The y/nat woman wince and looked up to see what hit her y/ec met brown Y/n was suddenly forcibly hoisted up to her feet a man and dragged away as distant sound of several angry footsteps came barreling in their direction, the stranger dragged her into ally and covered her mouth "Don't make sound do as I say..." a hoarse voice hissed in her ear as a flask suddenly found it's way in her field of vision, the y/ht swallowed then awkwardly nodded.

When the guards turned the corner they were met by two men one tall and y/ht awkwardly walking down the alley reeking of alcohol and the barely conscious one was just barely holding on to a flask, [Shay had tossed his jacket into a hay pile] "Oy you two," the y/nat 'man' turned to look at them while struggling to keep 'his' friend steady. "Eh, w-whaz ya wunt?" the annoyed soldier grimaced at their hoarse scratchy voice and assumed they were a young lad. "Did you see a man run by, wore a black hood?" Y/n stared blankly at the group leader trying to register what he had said then slurred out "Him rynning vy n' knuck meh n' frewns ohver.." the men looked very confused. "What?" another soldier answered.

" I believe he said 'he ran on by and knocked him and his friend over' sir."

"oh.. did you see where he went?"

" waz halpin hin upf bot i tink i zaw 'im goh dat wah [points an unsteady finger towards the docks.]'

"Hmmm?!"

"He thinks he went that way {points in the same direction Y/n pointed in]"

"Thank you, Oh and lad? [Y/n and Shay tense.] take it easy with the ales..."

The y/ht woman awkwardly nodded as Soldiers rushed down the alleys towards the docks and Y/n sighed in relief when they finally left them alone, the man next to her stood up to his full height nearly dwarfing you in comparison; you were shocked that you were able hold him up giving the bulk on him,

{taller reader] you sighed annoyed seeing your were almost the same height if this man, if he knew you were female he'd surely be intimidated by that, almost all the men you've met felt threatened by your height... they avoided you like the plague.

You sighed ready leave when your new "friend" suddenly moved your h/c bangs out of your face staring intently at your tattoos... your face felt hot when you realized he had the scars to match them, after a few seconds of silence the man broke the silence with a smile.

"I have to say, this was definitely not how I thought to meet you...Lass." You starred at him shocked that he guessed your gender, he chuckled before awkwardly pointing out that your neck tie had come lose and could you didn't have an Adam's apple.

So needles to say the walk back to your home was a lively one Shay told you he was bounty hunter who worked for a private company, he seemed pretty interesting. you wanted to ask about this company? but were abruptly interrupted by the snobby laughter of your sisters and their friends having their little party.

You grimaced debating if you should bring him inside however your Mother saw you through the window and waved. You sighed annoyed walking up the porch and towards the firing squad...

third POV

The snobby whispers and giggling from the girls soon died down when Y/n walked in with a very handsome and well dressed man, the tall/petit woman grimaced seeing her sisters eyeing Shay like hungry bobcats, as her mother & Father stood up and walked over curiously eyeing the man next to their youngest daughter warily. "Y/n dear would you introduce us?" the older woman press hope was clear in her voice as Shay stood up a bit straighter.

"Shay Patrick Cormack ma'am, I'm uh...*ahem* Miss Y/n's soulmate." immediately Y/n's sister's expressions shifted into annoyance and jealousy they processed Shay's word's "I would like to know if I have your blessing.? I wish the court Y/n." He asked as Y/n's father eyed him reluctantly as his older daughter's whispered and boasted about this whole thing being a ruse, Y/n paying mister Cormack, but the second Mr. L/n noted the matching scars he knew this was real.

"Very well Mr. Cormac you may court my youngest, But be warned should you hurt her..." Shay assured him that he would never harm his fated one, before kissing Y/n on her cheeks making her tattoos disappear, causing the women in attendance to ooh and aww while her sisters glared venomously at her... Of course Y/n could care less about what those harpies thought, from then on out she knew she'd be happy for as long as she was with Shay.

#Assassin's Creed #assassin's creed fanfiction #assassin's creed x reader #assassin's creed rogue #Shay patrick Cormack #shay cormac x reader #soulmate AU

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chuuyas--boo · 3 years ago

Text

Ghosts.

An: Read the tags before continuing. Block tags you're triggered by, and don't complain if YOU chose to keep reading and get bothered.

Jack giggled as Riley gently pushed her younger brother on the swing, hanging from a thick, strong tree branch. The two would often visit this area especially if their mother was drunk or high and could avoid being around her for a while. It was one of those times. Mrs. Morgan had started yelling at Riley, so Riley grabbed her younger brother and left.

Suddenly Jack dragged his feet on the ground, slowing the swing down until it stopped.

"Jack?...Jackie what's wrong?!"

Jack hopped off the swing and stood in front of Riley, smiling, but blood slowly ran down his face from a fatal gash in his head.

"Why? You said it wouldn't hurt...you said everything would stop hurting! So why does it still hurt? It hurts real bad Rie..."

Jack's emerald green eyes looked dead, clouded and empty, any innocence in his gaze had faded. It was just like an empty void.

Riley collapsed on her knees, tears started streaming down her face, sobs wracking her body violently. "I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry Jack..." Riley choked on her words as her face heated up and tears ran down her face faster.

"Riley! Riley wake up!"

Riley woke up to Eddie gently shaking her. Tears started running down her face as she looked at him.

"H-hey what's wrong? Why're you crying?!" Eddie's pretty emerald green eyes gleamed with worry as the ginger girl started crying even harder.

Eddie's gaze softened and he hugged Riley "Did you have a nightmare?" Riley quietly nodded "I'm such a horrible person..." she hissed under her breath "No you're not! What's wrong...?" "I hurt Jack...and he said it hurt..." Eddie tilted his head but then remembered how Riley had a younger brother "Ah! You're not a horrible person just for that! You were helping him!" Riley just stared blankly at the floor "I said it wouldn't hurt...but he said it did...he was scared!" Eddie gently wiped the tears off her cheeks and hugged her again. "You're still not a horrible person, you're a very lovely girl, it was just a nightmare! I'm sure Jack's happy and safe~! You should hurry up and go downstairs though! There's pancakes and everyone's worrieddd"

Well...almost everyone.

Eddie got up and quietly left the room, shutting the door behind him. Riley glanced outside, the sun had already risen most of the way, but there were streaks of pink still in the sky, that looked almost like blood smears. Down on the ground, under the thick of the forest where sunlight barely reached, there were two pale, misty figures, one looked like a woman in a wedding dress and the other looked sickeningly similar to Jack. After changing into a gray t-shirt, shorts, brushing her hair, and putting it into a ponytail, Riley ran downstairs, past the kitchen, to where the burlap masks, gloves, and boots were kept. She quickly put her boots on and ran outside. "Rie-Rieeee! Aren't you gonna eat?!" Riley glanced back, stopping at the door. "Not hungry!" and then ran off into the forest, not paying any attention to the outdoor animals, she had to see if she truly saw ghosts or if it was just her imagination.

***

Riley stood in the forest, heart pounding, feeling like giving up. "It was just my imagination..."

Something quickly darted past, catching Riley's gaze. "Something wrong sis? You look sad!"

Riley's heart dropped, she recognized that sweet, childish voice, but it almost sounded as if in pain now. She couldn't bring herself to say anything, but tears started to well in her eyes as she looked at the small ghostly figure.

"Don't cry! I'm safe...since you killed me...!"

Riley's gaze fell to the ground as the small ghostly figure got closer to her "You're scary Rie...it really hurt! And you said it wouldn't..."

"Jack...I'm sorry..."

"Are you really? If you were you wouldn't have killed anyone else. If you really were sorry you'd have learned from what you did to me."

"B-but you asked me to! You told me to!"

Jack's once pretty, innocent eyes looked cold, and empty in death, though still innocent.

Jack quietly glanced back, looking at the other ghostly figure, which appeared to be a woman in a wedding dress, as if getting married. Riley's gaze followed Jack's glance.

After a few moments of silence, both of the pale, ghostly figures disappeared. Riley sighed deeply and then sat against a tree silently.

***

"Riley! ...Rileyyyyy....!" Riley's gaze jerked towards where she heard Albert's voice nearby, she'd been sitting under the tree for a while, watching random bugs and butterflies. She got up and ran over. "Al!" "What're you doing out here-?" "O-oh! Umm, nothing!"

Albert's ivy green gaze met Riley's mismatched gaze "What were you actually doing? You've been out here for over an hour."

Riley wiggled her foot in the dirt, staring at the ground.

"Look at me." Albert's voice was firm but also somehow soft, knowing Riley'd flinch if he raised his voice, he kept it somewhat calm and quiet, though worried.

Riley glanced up at him nervously, fiddling with her fingers.

"H-hey! Don't look so scared! Just tell me what you were doing.." "Ghosts." That single word sent a shiver down Albert's spine "What..?" "Ghosts," Riley repeated, not saying anything else.

"I'm gonna need you to elaborate, Riley."

"My brother and some woman..."

Albert sighed. "let's go back"

The two of them walked back to the house in silence.

***

"Where have you been?"

Riley ignored the question, not caring since it was Henry who asked.

"Answer me bitch."

Riley stopped and silently glared at him. "I was outside, mind your own business.."

And with that, Riley went to her room. Taking her boots off, Riley sat by the window and watched the branches and leaves dance in the wind outside.

"RILEY ELIZABETH MORGAN GET DOWN HERE!"

Riley felt her heart drop, suddenly scared.

"C-coming...!"

She got up and quickly ran downstairs.

Eddie and George were playing with one of the dogs, Carl was in his room playing video games, and Albert was watching tv.

Riley hesitantly walked into the kitchen and immediately cringed at the strong stench of alcohol, she was used to it but it's not the most pleasant thing.

"Listen here you little bitch, you can respect me or leave. Don't ever ignore me again, I'll beat your ugly little ass"

"I-Im sorry..."

"SORRY DOESN'T FIX SHIT! AND DON'T INTERFERE WITH THE TRADITION-"

"Again with the tradition shit..?" Riley hissed under her breath.

"SHUT UP YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT IT IS!"

Riley's hands slowly balled into fists as she looked at the man infront of her, refraining from yelling so to avoid drawing any attention to herself. It was too late to avoid drawing any attention to her, both Eddie and Albert stopped what they were doing and their gazes were filed in the direction of the kitchen.

"A stupid tradition shouldn't be put before the well being and mental health of YOUR FUCKING FAMILY"

Henry's drunken glare was piercing as he glared at Riley.

"Don't have anything to say because I'm right."

Without any sort of warning, Henry smacks Riley, hard.

Albert heard Riley's wince, hesitating, not wanting to get involved, but at the same time not wanting her to get hurt. Albert's hesitation was longer than he thought, both Eddie and George had already gotten up and ran into the kitchen after hesitating as well.

***

When Albert had gotten up and ran into the kitchen, Riley was standing with one hand over her nose, blood trickling down her face and tears in her eyes.

"D-dad stop! She's crying!"

Riley shot George an icy glare as it telling him not to bother.

"Well she can fucking cry! She's a pussy and needs to learn when to keep her mouth shut!"

Whatever was keeping Riley from yelling again snapped. "YOU'RE THE PUSSY! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAN'T DO ANYTHING AND HAS TO FORCE HIS CHILDREN TO DO SHIT AT AN AGE WHERE THEY SHOULDN'T BE SEEING DEAD BODIES! THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SEE THEM AT ALL BUT YOU'RE TOO STUPID AND SELF-CENTERED TO CARE ABOUT ANYONE OR ANYTHING BESIDES YOURSELF AND SOME STUPID FUCKING TRADITION YOU COULD'VE FUCKING MADE UP! AND YOU WONDER WHY WE ALL FUCKING HATE YOU!"

Everyone's gaze was fixed on Riley, Carl had come downstairs to see what was happening, all the brothers stared at Riley in shock. Riley stood there breathing heavily, she had moved her hand away from her face, letting blood run down her face faster and off of her hand, her breath hitched as she stared at Henry.

"Get the fuck out. NOW-"

Riley didn't need to be told twice, she ran outside. Albert ran after her "Riley!"

Riley glanced back at him, "What?" Her tone sounded weirdly pissed off still, which was shocking, she never used that tone towards Albert, but her eyes looked apologetic.

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing. I'm fine, it's nothing to worry about."

That was obviously a lie, her nose was bleeding heavily, lip was busted, has some bruises on her arms and a dark red mark on her cheek.

"You're obviously not fine"

Riley sighed "I'm fine, I've been through worse, it doesn't even hurt"

Albert's gaze filled with doubt, as he gently touched one of the bruises and Riley flinched.

"So you're fine huh?"

Riley let out a huff of slight annoyance. "Yes Al, I'm fine"

"Shut up and let's get you bandaged up"

***

Days had passed, Riley refused to eat and when she did she'd immediately go make herself throw up, when anyone would ask her if she's okay or of something's wrong shed just say "I'm fine", or "Nope. Nothing's wrong".

Those several days, Albert would check on her before he went to bed to ask her if she was going to sleep as well, which she always replied "Yes" even though she didn't, she stayed awake and watched out the window watching the ghostly figures, sometimes going outside to walk around in the forest.

Eventually she gave up and decided to sleep in Albert's room, the two of them cuddled until Riley fell asleep.

#death ment tw #Murder tw #Oc: Riley Morgan #Oc: Jack Morgan #Oc: Ghost Bride #Edward Mason #Carl Mason #George Mason #Albert Mason #Angels of Death #Angels of Death oc #AU #Abuse tw #Eating disorder tw

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itstittycitybaby · 4 years ago

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Flirty (Lin Beifong x Reader) Part 3

a/n: im pumping these out so fast. after i finish an episode i have to immediately start typing or i’ll go crazy.

“This is Azure and this is Ruby!” The two of them hopped in your palm as you held them out. “They’re prettier up close,” Opal said, grinning. Her eyes were bright today. She looked happier than last night after she ran from Lin’s room crying. You chuckled, “For the most part, until Azure pecks my face for food because he’s a dick.” Opal looked taken aback but didn’t comment on your choice of words. It was weird considering Suyin had a mouth on her when she was younger. Her and her daughter were different.

“Would you like to hold them?” She nodded. “Ruby is very shy,” you said, moving slowly with the hand Azure was on. “So she has the tendency to be more skittish and peckish. She’s sweet though, don’t worry,” you reassured Opal once you saw the nervous look on her face. “Okay,” she said softly, watching Azure stand on her palm. “He’s beautiful.”

You chuckled, “Oh he knows. The more you feed his ego, the more he thinks he’s in charge.” Opal giggled, stroking his feathers gently. An idea popped in your head. “Hey Opal?” She perked up, “Yes?” “Could you look after Azure today? I have some work to do and he can be a real pain.” Opal smiled brightly and her eyes lit up with joy. “Are... are you sure?” “Mhm,” you replied, grinning. “Just give him back after dinner.” “Okay!” With that you bid Opal and Azure a goodbye. “Whore,” you murmured to Azure as you left, ignoring your leave because of some new attention.

******

Suyin was excited about your plans. Her husband looked over them and praised your new pitch for the tram station. “Hey Suyin,” you said, after her husband left. Suyin hummed while pouring the two of you wine in a couple glasses. “Mind if I ask you something?” She nodded, handing you a glass before sitting down. You sat across from her, legs clamped together nervously. You fiddled with the glass in your hand. “I’m not sure how to ask this..since I haven’t seen you in well, forever.” “Nonsense (Y/N),” Suyin waved you off, “We’re family! I’ll answer any question you have.” “Thanks,” you responded, genuinely. She’d always been so welcoming and kind. The Beifongs were the only family you had. You regretted not staying in contact with at least Su.

“Whenever I was in the village..there was some gossip.” Suyin’s brow quirked as she took a sip of her wine. You sighed, brows pulling together and a soft frown on your face. “I don’t really listen to shitty rumors but it’s been so long I couldn’t help but think.. was there something that happened? Between you and Lin..?”

Suyin looked surprised. She tapped her finger on the wineglass as she pondered. The ring on her finger “Sister drama, you know how it is. Nothing happened. Lin is just so bitter and won’t let go of the past. You know that better than anyone.” You frowned at her words. Suyin wasn’t wrong but..she made Lin sound totally heartless. “I just wanted to make sure. She’s been so...angry since I’ve gotten here. I know I probably have a part in that but..I’m just..worried.”

Suyin leaned over and squeezed your hand. Her smile didn’t seem to reach her eyes. “It’s alright (Y/N). Just give her some time. I can see she cares about you. Not that she’ll admit it.” You chuckled, a grin splitting your face. “Really?” Suyin looked amused at your enthusiasm. You really were a child even from how much time passed. “I promise. Now, why don’t we catch up. I haven’t seen you in what, thirty years?” You nodded, taking a gulp of your wine. As Suyin filled you in about her life you couldn’t help but feel, that she was lying. Your instincts screamed at you that there was more going on than she led you to believe. She wasn’t telling you everything. But she had been so kind and comforting to you since you’ve got here. Surely Suyin wouldn’t lie to you. She was your friend, the one who listened to your ranting after a fight with Lin. Su let you cry on her shoulder once your parents kicked you out and offered for you to share her room. Yet, as much as you tried reassuring yourself, your gut kept screaming.

*****

Lin touched her scar gently. The memories and the emotions she had tried so hard to repress and forget, were now bubbling back onto the surface. Toph had allowed Suyin to walk all over her. She gotta away with anything while Lin busted her ass trying to impress her mother. The price gave Lin a scar that mocked her everyday. It was disgusting to know that Suyin had been let go scotch free and still hadn’t given an apology.

The needles had done its damn job alright. Lin was reminded of her failure of being the perfect daughter. No matter how hard she tried, Top didn’t seem to care. Was she really that unloveable? Could she even have someone want her? Lin huffed as she limped from the acupuncturist’s office to find Suyin. Her hand trembled from anger and the rocks shifted underneath her feet. It was getting bad again. Except this time she didn’t have her work or whiskey to drown herself in. Beads of sweat rolled off of her face and back. Lin ignored the acupuncturist’s qualms of resting and hurried to find Suyin. She was going to end this once and for all.

*****

Lin dodged the metal sculpture thrown her way. It missed her, barely. Lin raised some rocks from the ground and unleashed them onto Suyin. She couldn’t help but smirk when one of them hit her. Her sister retaliated by hurling metal plates towards her. Lin dodged all of them except for the last one. The impact made her tumble. Another boulder was thrown in Lin’s direction, but she rolled fast enough. She was getting slower and more sluggish. Her head felt hazy but she brushed it off. ‘Now’s not the time.’

Getting into a fighting stance she anticipated her sister’s next move. Lin lifted another boulder. It wobbled in the air but she still flung it toward Suyin. “Getting tired,” Suyin taunted. “Barely,” Lin barked. Suyin flung her fingers and bended the metal wall around her as a shield. The boulder broke from hitting the metal as soon as her sister warped it. “I wonder Lin,” Suyin yelled, face tugging into an ugly smirk. “If this was the reason Tenzin left you. No wonder (Y/N) left to travel the world. They couldn’t handle a bitter woman like you.”

Lin’s jaw clenched in anger. Her teeth ground together and her hands trembled. She felt hot in her chest and the blood inside of her veins prickled. Lin raised a leftover metal plane on the ground. “That’s enough!” Lin snapped her head over to the new voice. The metal plate clattered onto the ground. (Y/N). There was a wooden staff in your hands. You twirled it in front of you, fighting off the tiny sharp rocks Suyin hurled over. Your arms trembled, eyes hushed with angry tears. You shook with rage from the mess in front of you. Lin stiffened; for once in her life she was afraid. Afraid of what you might say or do. Lin finally had you within her fingertips. Were you going to slip away again?

“I left on my own terms,” you growled. “How dare you use that against Lin.” The staff twirled effortlessly in your fingers. Lin was frozen in her spot. All she could do was watch you and your bird flit around you. “You’re a coward Suyin,” you gritted out, “A fucking weasel. What did you do Suyin? Don’t you think you’ve done enough?! ” Korra and Bolin gawked from the sidelines, witnessing unfolding between the two of them.

Suyin’s eyes narrowed. She didn’t say anything. Su’s eyes calculated the situation. Using her sister’s fear to her advantage, she flung the metal wall hard enough that Lin was sent sprawling. “Lin,” you cried out. She flew towards the courtyard and her back hit the fountain’s stairs. Lin growled, rising up again. Her stance wobbled from the force. Little black spots formed in her vision. Shaking out of it, Lin raised her fists, preparing for the next hit. Suyin walked calmy, crossing the bridge. “Are you done,” she asked, sounding bored. “Not yet,” Lin snarled.

You glided into the air. Your paraglider soared you towards the two of them. A group of Suyin’s people spectated the fight. The tips of your feet touched the ground beneath you. Rolling, you folded your paraglider away. You jumped on your feet and facing Lin. “Move out of the way,” she snapped at you. “No,” you replied stubbornly. Lin created metal shards with her fingers. You grabbed your staff from your back, preparing for the onslaught to come. The shards sliced the air and they raced towards you. The staff moved in a tan blur as you twirled it with rapid speed, flinging some of the sharp metal away from you. They made a thunk, as it pierced into the wood. Once the metal stopped racing towards you that’s when the adrenaline died down. Your temple seared with pain and felt warm and sticky. You hissed, fingertips touching the wound. It stung like hell. You were bleeding. Your hand flung up to your nose. It throbbed from the blood coming out of your nostrils. Lin felt her heart shatter. You looked up to her with disbelief. She didn’t mean to hurt you, she didn’t mean to-

“Look what you’ve done Lin,” Suyin taunted, raising a boulder. “All you’re good for is hurting people. Especially the ones you care about.”

Suyin flung the boulder. Ruby started fluttering her wings, her cries piercing your ears. The pain in your temple worsened more thanks to her screeching. Ruby flew away from your shoulder to safety. Turning around, you shifted yourself in front of Lin. “Move,” she shouted. You ignored her, pressing your fingers into your palm. An orange shield burst out from your palms and surrounded the two of you. Lin gasped softly. Son of a bitch actually did it. You stood in front of her determined. The orange bubble was see through like an orange stained glass window. Your stretched your hands and fingers out in front of you. As soon as the shield popped up, Suyin’s boulder hit with a sickening crack. You cried out, straining to hold it up. A searing pain erupted through you. It felt like your soul was splitting in two. “It’s hurting you,” Lin cried.

Suddenly, a flash of green jumped on the bridge between you and Suyin. Opal. Air pushed out of her hands. “Fuck,” you shouted, shield starting to crack. “You’re both sisters,” Opal cried, “Why are you hurting each other?!” Her words fell on deaf ears. Lin was focused on how your body swayed, struggling to keep itself up. Lin yelled, “(Y/N), stop. This isn’t about you! Save yourself!” The shield shattered. Orange shards flew into the air and dissolved into nothing. You whimpered, tumbling to the ground. Lin’s heart tugged at your soft cries. Ruby flew to you immediately, shrieking. Lin hobbled over and panted. The red parakeet’s high shrieks made her ears hurt. Her vision started to fade. She felt weak. She was hopeless to do anything. Lin’s feet fell under her. She stretched her hand out, trying to reach you. You were too far. The last thing she saw was your unmoving form, curled in on itself.

#legend of korra #legend of korra fanfic #legend of korra x reader #lin beifong x reader #lin beifong #flirty series #x reader #reader insert #fanfiction #fan fic

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alittle-annihilation · 3 years ago

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so i found my xanga (technically the back up now on wordpress, rest in peace xanga dot com) where i blogged/journaled from freshman year of high school to freshman year of college and just

wow

i wasnt sure if it was a good idea at first, especially considering the increasing frequency of flashbacks of the past and general terribly depressed mood as of late. but i was clearly feeling nostalgic as i was on xanga and then read every single entry.

it was heartwrenching watching it play out. but it also did not hurt as bad as i thought it would. my chest is tight and throbbing and i was holding it at one point, but i did not break down into a million pieces which i was almost certain for.

no instead it was like reading an old book where you know how it plays out, the main plot points you recall but not every single detail, but to see it relayed back to me through my voice from a decade ago. a reminder of exactly what was said and done.

whats been off putting about the flashbacks was how it was filling in pieces of my lost memories. and now reading this was an even bigger filler.

you can see where the entries go from things im up to - grades and teen spats and crushes and gossip - then suddenly every post is about hell. i still feel so bad for that version of me. you can see them breaking. the realization - but I feel as if hiding it will screw me over one day, and I’ll end up fucked up pretty badly in the future - the shift into loneliness, the growth of self loathing: the crumbling. all from the back and forth we're going we're staying we're leaving we're moving we're not budging we're separated we're together we're angry we're moving back we're divorced

it also chronicles my getting kicked out of high school, which has been weighing me down lately considering national political climate. you can see just how confused i was, just how baffled, and just how bullshit their entire argument was. with the perspective now... yeah that was fucked up.

i still wish i could have told my side and defended myself. but even now i still let the opportunities pass by.

it didn't hurt to the degree i thought i would, but i don't feel much lighter having read it. it's just facts of the past now i suppose. blogging about it felt approp

god that shit was fucked up but i have come a long way in the last 10+ years, even when there are some periods that don't feel like it.

other observations:

i both fully knew and also forgot just how obsessed i was with this basic ass white dude early on. yes i am cringing

every mention of tierra goes on to talk about how non-judgemental she is, which is how every single mention of tierra goes when i journal now. some things never change, and i am continually blessed to have her in my life.

at one point i refer to "Ms. Free Prom Dress Back Stabber with a Printer showed up with an ugly ass boyfriend and even uglier free prom dress" skfdjlafjkdsaljl OK YOUNGER ME WITH THE QUIPS. but also fuck her.

once i got on tumblr i started to cross post but i also was vague blogging so my posts literally go from naming everyone and their mother to evading an actual coherent topic that present jem is only semi picking up on

i was waaaaaaaaaaay more openly cocky and self inflating when i was a teen lmao "of course i won, i'm the more liked person of the two." screaming present me could never say that aloud

#idk just some thoughts #jm #when things were bad #is that even a tag it probably is #healing from trauma fucking sucks lol

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definitelynotacosmicbeing · 4 years ago

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I attended a funeral today...

And I really don’t know how I feel right now. The last time I went to a funeral I was a kid and really didn’t understand what was going on. I felt no grief for the bastard that died.

He was an abusive as hole who hit kids, and cuased my dad to go through hell. I only knew him for a short time and the only emotion I ever felt towards the man was either fear or resentment.

He died when I was in the first or second grade. So I was whatever age that is.

But today I went to a funeral for a women I never met. And- it was a Christian funeral by the way. I was completely lost the whole time but the families there where very understanding and never got mad when I didn’t sing along or not understand that I’m supposed to say the words in bold.

She was my fathers childhood best friends mother. She died on my brother birthday last week. From the story’s I’ve heard she was a wonderful woman.

And... And her kid... He was- is so awful. For an example he destroyed her and her husbands business running it into the ground completely.

He was never around and just acted as a leach, takeing things without the entent to ever repay the favor. Not that she ever asked him to.

But- what’s really makeing me angery is what I found out. Her son two weeks before her death (illegally) changed her will so that he would inherit everything.

He took advantage of her, just for some properties and things that she considers valuable.

This of course won’t stand up in court, the other son. (He’s a literaly angel. I’ve know him since I was a kid. He’s to kind for his own good.) Will though have to face his brother in court and have to fight for the house.

This of course will take time. To much time, until then the bad son will probably pawn everything the woman owned.

But... I’ve never turely felt loss like this in my life. I have both my parents, the grandparents that I’ve grown up with. I’ve never had a friend die, I never lost a person so close to me. It’s a loss that I will be forced to feel again but- probably a thousand times worse.

I’m terrified.

I still cry when I hear that someone was killed on the news, I still mourn the loss of those people like they where family. It’s something I’ve always done.

But this... I don't know how to my feelings into words. As i write this Im crying and my heart rate is 98. But those are just observations.

I can explain what’s happening in my mind though... I’m remembering things, things that make me angery and confused.

Things like my own father saying that the elderly should just die- because they can’t contribute anymore.

My mother making ugly remarks about a kid at my school who died from an overdose. Calling them a “druggy” who is better off not being a burden.

The people who created “all live matter,” to say that all lives don’t.

People who remove park benches because people where sleeping on them.

The kids that bullied me rerenttusly because I was “forren.” (I’m an American cizsen who is white. I might have other things in me but I’m white.) Just because I wasn’t born in the same town as them.

The first person who hit me. Just because they where mad, I’ve never wanted to do that... I can’t understand why someone would do that to another person.

I’m currently in a lot of pain from my covid vaccine my entire arm feels like it’s being crushed from all directions. My brother is purposely bumping into it and is punching it. And all I’ve said is “please stop, your hurting me.” I’ve never punched him in his arm, where he was vaccinated. It’s never even crossed my mind.

I guess why I’m trying to say is I can’t understand why people can be so cruel. How people can just- say things like that. Where talking about people...

I just- what... What happened to cuase this? We- people aren’t supposed to be like this. Where supposed to be the smart ones but- we can be so cold and curel.

I feel like a pool cleaner that was given the ability to see color.

I was a pallbearer today, normally I wouldn’t be but my younger brother wasn’t actually strong enough to do it. So I volunteered too, I was worried that without the “correct amount” of people something would go wrong.

As I carried the body of a woman who I learned so much about I so little time... It was like a wave of emotions hit me all at once.

I was allowing myself to grieve for the first time. I’ve never done this before...

I don’t personally believe in an after life out of spite. If someone can create such a cruel world they don’t deserve to be praised for it. I don’t believe in the small moments or liveing your life to the fullest.

I’ve personally not lived a good life. It could have been so much worse but, it was enough to make the way I am today. Spiteful against my own existence. Everytime I find myself smileing and doing something fun I can’t enjoy it. Because if I do- when it’s gone, it will just hurt more.

Because it won’t last...

One day I’ll just be FIRST NAME LAST NAME. (In the government when your deased your name is written in all caps)

Ive have never let myself think to much about my death... Its inevitable, and I don’t think I can ever get over that. I don’t see a reason to want to live forever but I don’t see a reason to want to die other.

So I just didn’t let myself think about it. It never lead to good things.

As a result of my depression my memory has become worse and worse. I’ve been on trips and have had so many experiences but I have no memory of them. Not even after being reminded.

Only photos that I took- it’s... They had photos of her in the church. They where of her when she got married and some recent ones. And I thought to myself, it’s just like looking at the photos I take.

Ones of experiences that I don’t remember, ones that only others can remember for me. And I guess, that broke me today.

One day I’ll be her, people will take whatever I called my own. Whatever family I may have will have to experience my loss.

And someone won’t care. Someone will just glance over my death as a fact in a history they never will experience.

I’m sorry for putting such a long post on here... I- I’m just really not okay at the moment. I have to many things going on right now for me to handle, I just want to scream and cry but don’t have the time to.

What a cruel existence I’ve found myself in...

#personal vent

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foolishlovebugbaby · 5 years ago

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ten-thousand miles gone

prologue

summary: they say time heals all wounds, but the one left by han jisung on your heart is one that you still treat tenderly. alternatively; han jisung reappears into your life like a whirlwind, knocking you off of your feet, after leaving you without a goodbye.

genre: angst

warnings: nothing triggering or rated

word count: 6k

note: in my head, the mind map of the way this particular fic ended went in so many directions, but this was very draining to write so i settled on the one that wouldn’t leave you hanging.

been travelling these wide roads for so long my heart’s been far from you ten-thousand miles gone

In your younger years, life had always seemed to move gradually. Time seemed to be muffled by all the firsts and seconds that came and went like waves, distracting everyone from the reality of growing pains. But college certainly ripped off that bandaid, a cushion no longer supporting your fall into the harsh realities of life.

Second semester of sophomore year had just ended, so now every college student across the country was making a beeline for the airports and bus stations, with tickets home clasped tightly between hands that were potentially developing carpal tunnel syndrome. Luckily for you, home was two train rides and a taxicab away. But like all your independent adventures of navigating life unhinged, no journey would be complete without twenty-something voicemails from your mother telling you to padlock your luggage and some vague, superstitious advice she read on Facebook.

[To ma: yes, i didnt forget to pack your scarf and no, im not going to drink ginger and ginseng to ward off bad train spirits.]

[From ma: thank you. suit yourself , you will be bad spirit magnet !]

You chuckle and shove your phone into your pocket, hailing a cab with one hand while the other slings an abnormally large duffle bag over your shoulder. “North-Hill train station please.” You say to the cab driver and shove your luggage into the seat next to you.

You let out a tired sigh and slump into the pleather seats. Butterflies swarmed your stomach- you always seemed to get them whenever you went back home. Back to the place of some of your greatest and worst memories. Somehow, through the years, the fear of seeing him again in that godforsaken town died down, because the thought of ever being able to see him again at all proved itself to be almost impossible.

Even a fool knows this, you’re the best thing I’ve got…

You almost choke on your spit when that song comes on the radio. Of course that song had to come on so conveniently in the middle of your trip down melancholy lane. You have half a mind to reach over and turn the radio off, but decide against it when you see the cute old man bobbing his head to it.

So instead your mind traces its steps back a few moments until all you’re reminded of is him.

In your head you remember all these great experiences- graduation day, senior prom, camp nights during wintertime and summer carnivals down at the boardwalk. But then your mind tortures you and conjures up these images of what it would’ve been like to have experienced it all with him next to you and suddenly the memories become less fond. It’s treacherous, really, being your own worst enemy. But you learnt the hard way that time slows down for no one.

When you get to the train station, you move in a daze. The muscle memory of validating your ticket and walking to the platform does all the work for you. And usually that would be a good thing, except now it only allowed you to stay in your head a lot more. It’s funny, really, how everytime you see posters and billboards of his group around you don’t flinch. Not anymore at least. Because you don’t know him anymore, and he’s probably forgotten about you.

Sometimes, you’re convinced he was just a character that your very active imagination conjured up to fill gaps in your life with meaning. But every time you open a picture of the pair of you way back when, you’re met with the reality that he was real. Even if it was just for a short amount of time, he was visible to you. Tangible. And meant galaxies to you.

[From mama han: cant wait 2 see u back again ! have dinner with us soon xoxo]

You smile fondly down at your phone once you’re situated in your seat, typing out a reply to the woman you consider a second mom.

You thanked the universe for still keeping her in your life. Sure, her son would probably be known to you as the biggest jackass to exist for eternity, but she would remain sweet and tender in your heart for longer than that.

[To mama han: can’t wait to see you too:)]

You don’t confirm your spot at their dinner table, because frankly speaking, the last time you stepped foot in their house was the summer before university when you went to drop off a box of jisung’s things that you found in your room- sweatshirts, t-shirt’s, notes and other miscellaneous items that demanded you remember every miniscule moment spent with him. And since then you’ve found every excuse not to go near that place. You knew it probably hurt the woman whenever you conjured up some arbitrary excuse to not dig in to her incredible cooking, but the finger is to be pointed at Han Jisung and Han Jisung only. Screw him.

She sometimes tries to address the elephant in the room whenever you do get to talk during her visits at your childhood home. Like It would be great to have you both visit at the same time or Would you like me to call him? I’m sure he’s not busy right now. Yeah, subtle as a gun, but you love her still.

You’re not one to believe in luck, and if you did you’d actually quite fancy yourself as the most unluckiest person of them all, but you thank the heavens that he’s never been back home the same time as you have. Either that, or you’re just way too good at being further than a 10-mile radius from him. Like last semester break, when you got word from one of your childhood friends that he would be in town so you decided to cancel all your plans of going back home under the guise of going on a group excursion somewhere up north. Obviously, all you did was stay in your dorm and binge watch Gossip Girl for three weeks, but you concluded that anything would be better than having to confront your demons- or demon. Singular.

What would you even say if you saw him? Realistically, not that much. Ideally, you’d destroy him with words. All that pent up anger for him leaving you behind and all the unresolved feelings left to concentrate in an urn you buried deep in yourself exploding like Pandora's box right before him. 5 years passed, and yet you still found it difficult to imagine what a conversation would be like with him again.

Honestly, you’d tell him to stay a while longer, just so that he’d remain vivid in your memories once he decided to leave again.

When the taxi cab pulled up in front of your childhood home, you were half asleep and in desperate need of a solid meal. “Thanks, keep the change,” you say groggily as you pass the money to the driver.

You take a deep breath once you’re out of the car, your duffle bag slung around your frame. It’s been a very long time since you were last here. The months seemed to pile up without you noticing, and now that you think about it, it had been a good whole year that passed. You don’t know where the time went, but you were definitely here now.

You trudge up to the door, ringing the bell once. “Hey ma,” You say as she squeals and pulls you in for a hug. “I’m glad you’re back in one piece, especially since you ignored my advice.” She says pointedly and ushers you in. “Yeah, well, I guess the train spirits didn’t feel like victimising me today.” She looks at you with her mouth hung open and slaps your arm.

“Don’t say that!” She’s about to scold you more when your dad enters the living room in his pajama pants. “My daughter finally decides to show her face around here! Send in the doves!” You always knew that you got your flare for drama from your dad.

“How are you doing sweetie, we missed you.” He gives you a big bear hug and you sigh. “I know, it’s been too long.”

“There is not enough time in this world to mope around! Now, darling, it’s very late so your father and I are off to bed. There’s some leftovers for you in the toaster oven in case you get hungry,” They both smother you in a hug and you almost suffocate. “We’d love to hear all about your university in the morning. Sleep tight honey.”

And so you’re left to your own devices. Again. Sighing, you reluctantly head up the stairs and make your way into your old room. A smile finds its place on your lips.

The room is oddly clean- you figured your mother must have emotionally cleaned in here (more than once) during your time away from home. But the walls are still the same ugly navy blue, and your star-print curtains remained planted in front of your windows with planet decorations all over the ceiling to match. Funny. He helped you decorate. Said it made your room feel like the universe was just the two of you.

You didn’t know that what he really meant was that you were his safe place.

You spend a good thirty-minutes unpacking, tinkering around your old room and texting your friends about your trip home. It feels like an eternity passed when you finally decide to listen to your growling stomach and go get something to eat. But you’re picky and nothing in your kitchen seems to entice you enough to devour it, so you swipe your house keys off the kitchen countertop and head to your door. 7-Eleven it is. You’re dressed in a pair of leggings and a pink sweater with fluffy slides to match, but you could care less.

As you walk out of your driveway and head down your street, you pass by his house. The lights are off (of course, since it’s an ungodly 1AM) and it practically looked like a dollhouse.

You turn your gaze away.

The walk to the local 7-Eleven is only 5 Hozier tracks away, so you reach there in no time. Your tummy growls when you enter, and you immediately head to the instant section. Hmm, ramen, tteokbokki or pasta, choices choices choices…

You’re too busy pondering to notice the figure clad in sweats and a baseball cap standing frozen at the end of the aisle, gaping like a fish your way. He practically isn’t breathing, but your presence had knocked the wind right out of his chest.

“Y-Y/n?” He manages to breathe out, and you look around, confused. Did someone just say my name?

Your eyes slowly turn to his figure, and you can barely see who it is from afar. Tan skin can be seen from the collar under his hoodie, and dirty-blonde hair peeks out at the ends of his baseball cap. You feel like you’re seeing things, because you know that baseball cap. You bought it.

Slowly, your eyes trail over his face, and you feel the air leave your lungs.

Jisung still remembers the last time he saw you. Well, the last time he saw you before he didn’t say goodbye.

It was a Thursday afternoon, History class had just ended. On the way out, he caught a glimpse of you. He hadn’t seen much of you the entire week, but that was because he was actively trying to avoid you. But there you were, at your locker putting away your books with that puppy-dog expression you always wore whenever you were tired and in need of a good nap. He stood for a few moments, taking you in. Even if your hair was messily up in a bun with a hoodie two sizes too big drowning your frame, he still thought you looked like an absolute dream. He wanted to go up to you and ask you how was calculus? And when you pout and say boring, he would suggest you come over for some hot chocolate and a movie. And you would say yes, with a sleepy, lopsided smile, and his body would feel all warm and fuzzy at the sight of you.

But he doesn’t do any of that. Instead, he leaves his heart by the lockers, and with one last look, he walks away. His jacket does nothing to warm the cold that creeps its way up.

Had he known he wouldn’t get to see you one last time after that, he would’ve watched you for a few seconds longer. Had he known that you would fall sick and stay home from school the day before his flight, he would have told you to take better care of yourself. And had he known that the last time he’d see you would be when you’re drained and tired and down, he would have gone up to you to make you smile, one last time.

He never stopped recreating pictures of you in his head, fearing the outlines of you would fade.

Except now, as you stand a mere six feet away, he feels as though you stepped out of his mind and into his world once again. He can see you. You’re there.

None of the pictures of you that he drew up in his head would ever compare to the way you looked right then. Beautiful, just as he remembered you.

Your name feels like a foreign language when it leaves his lips.

The air is so thick between the pair of you that it makes everything around him slow down. He sees your eyes move from confusion, to shock, to utter fear and bewilderment, and then to pain. It feels as though a knife impaled his heart when he sees your eyes quiver.

He always loved your eyes. Dark brown, like freshly turned over earth, warmed by the sun. They look at him with sorrow now.

Your arms drop to your sides and your lips quake, “J-Jisung?” God, he forgot what it was like to hear his name in your voice. He hates that it’s said with so much heartache.

You run out without thinking twice.

“Stop, slow down! W-wait!” You hear his voice call out for you, but you continue to run- where? You don’t know. You just wanted to get away. Your feet take you far down the sidewalk, lamp-posts your only source of light at this time of night.

But you’re not fast enough, and for the first time in a long time, you feel his grip on your arm.

“Let go of me,” You say, your voice already breaking. He breaks with it.

“Y/N listen-” He pants out.

“No, let go of me!” You snatch your arm away from his grip. God, you’re furious. And hurt. And every other emotion there is to feel when you see the person who left you with nothing.

Your raised voice startles the two of you, and you both stand there for a moment, breathless. From running, from shock.

He doesn’t say anything and just gapes at you, “Well?” You provoke pointedly. “What? Cat got your tongue?”

“No ‘Hey y/n! How’ve you been? Long time no see since, you know, I abandoned you’.” You say harshly and the knife in his heart twists.

“I know you’re hurt-” You cut him off.

“Hurt? Hurt? Hurt doesn’t even come close to what I feel, Jisung.” All the words you want to spew get caught in the back of your throat and you fight yourself to keep it together because you don’t want him to see you cry. You don’t want him to catch you vulnerable and raw, because you don’t know if you can trust him with that part of you again.

“Can we please just- can we please just talk?” He begs, and you scoff. “Please?” His eyes plead with you, and you frustratedly run a hand through your hair.

“So talk.” You cross your arms over your chest and look at anywhere but him. He doesn’t say anything, and each time he tries to, all he does is end up biting his tongue. Where does he even begin?

“I’m sorry,” He croaks out, even though it’s the worst thing to say.

“Great. All is forgiven.” You’re ruthless, but that’s only because he didn’t show any mercy when he left.

He searches your eyes, not knowing what he could say to make things right. Or if that was even a possibility anymore. You both stand in silence for a while, and slowly your resolve breaks away.

“Why?” You say, your voice coarse and exhausted. “Why’d you do it? I tortured myself for months- no, years asking myself what I did wrong that caused you to leave me like that. What- was it something I said? Something I did? Please- tell me, I’m begging you,” You’re full-on sobbing now, tears flowing down your face like waves. They twinkle in the warm streetlights and he feels the ground beneath him crumble. The wound he left on your heart was ripped open again, and you couldn’t help but bleed in front of him. “P-please, Jisung. It’s been killing me for so long.”

Tears leave his eyes, “It wasn’t your fault,” He says softly.

“Then what was it? Because for all this time I broke myself down, questioning why you left like that. For so long I thought you were mad at me- I thought you became tired of me, bored of having me around. Do you know what that’s like? Tearing yourself apart to find answers you know you can’t answer by yourself?” “Shit, I thought you didn’t need me anymore. Which sucked, because I needed you.” You whisper through ragged breaths and he takes careful steps closer to you.

“Of course I still needed you- I haven’t stopped needing you, y/n.” His voice is as broken as yours.

“Then why?” Your voice is barely above a whisper and you struggle so hard to not fall to the ground.

“Do you know what it felt like to wake up one morning, clueless and thinking everything was fine, and then finding out that it was, in fact, not? Do you know what it was like to find out the person you cared for the most up and left you alone and with no explanation- not even a single goodbye? To be desperate to hear his voice again, and wonder to yourself why it was so easy for him to cut you off like that?” He stood right in front of you, so close that he could touch you.

“I searched for you. I still looked for you in the hallways at school, hoping it was just one of your stupid pranks. I waited in my room for you to climb up to my window again and whisk me away to the park for one of our late-night walks. I called your phone for days, just in case you’d finally get annoyed and pick up. You never did. You never did,” You didn’t notice that your face was in his hands and that he tried so desperately to wipe your tears away, his own streaming down his face.

He sucked in a breath, “I left like that because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get on that plane with you watching. That I would drop everything, all my stupid dreams, to stay in this stupid town for god knows how long with you. Leaving you was the most painful part,”

“That day I found out I passed the audition- do you remember? You were so happy for me, more happy than I was. The only thing on my mind was the fact that I had to leave everything behind to chase after this dream- to chase after a dream that came true because of you. I wasn’t sure anymore. But you were so sure of me, so ready to see me attain everything we talked about, that the thought of all of that being in vain because of my cowardice ate me up inside. I thought that maybe if I could keep you at a distance- make you mad at me for ignoring you, have you hate me- that it would make it a little easier to let you go of me,” Your lips quiver.

“It wasn’t easy-”

“I know, I know that.” He rests his forehead against yours and squeezes his eyes shut as he hears your soft sobs. “It was so that I wouldn’t have a memory of leaving you behind in an airport. I wasn’t ready to have that image in my mind haunt me. I’ve regretted it everyday. You have to believe me when I say that.”

“Then why didn’t you call back? Or even send a message?” Your eyes search his for answers as you pull your forehead away from his to get a clearer look.

“I thought you hated me. That you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“Bullshit. You thought wrong.” Angrily, you push at his chest with closed fists and shut eyes, “You thought wrong,” You push him away until you’re no longer in his grip. “Let me go,” You whimper when he tries to reach for you again. “That doesn’t justify why you left me like that. I felt like I meant nothing to you for so long. You threw me away like I didn’t mean anything- made me feel like I was insignificant.”

“You meant everything to me!” He shouts out, shocking you into silence. “Don’t you see it?” When you only stare at him in confusion, he sucks in a breath.

“The mere thought of leaving you was enough for me to think twice. Sitting with you in French class and giggling because we didn’t understand a word, spending so many nights with you in your ridiculous dinosaur onesie, getting to walk around aimlessly until 4am in this godforsaken town as if time wasn’t fleeting- I-,” He runs a hand over his face, frustratedly wiping his tears away. “I wasn’t ready for it to be over. I didn’t want to miss graduation, the day we looked forward to since grade school. I didn’t want to facetime you on prom night while you look so goddamn beautiful, knowing that someone else would be getting to slow dance with you. Knowing that I wouldn’t be there, that I would be missing out- that I would be missing you every goddamn day made me realise I wouldn’t be able to last without you.”

“Selfishly ripping you apart from me felt like the only option. And it was so cruel, I know that. I’m the selfish asshole,” He takes exactly five steps to stand in front of you, and places a hand tenderly on your cheek.

“I was selfish because I knew I couldn’t have you. I was in love with you, y/n. So fucking in love and you didn’t even know. And after all this time, I still am.” He says that last sentence in a whisper, and before you know it, his lips are on yours.

His mouth is so warm against yours, so tender, and yet they set your skin on fire.

You pull away and take two steps back.

“Y-you don’t get to kiss m-me like that, not again,” You say breathless. You’re reminded of sophomore year, and the kiss in his living room that made you feel weightless and lightheaded.

“Y/n-”

“I think we’ve talked enough for tonight,” Your heart hammers in your chest and the blood rushes to your face so fast that you swear you’re shivering. His eyes are illuminated by the streetlamps and you see them break right before you, defeated. Yours are no different.

You walk away, choking back sobs.

He doesn’t try to stop you.

It’s 4PM when you decide to get out of bed.

Your eyes are practically closed shut from your lack of sleep and you don’t bother to brush your hair, or undrape the blanket around your shoulders when you head downstairs. Your parents are sitting in the living room, oblivious and unassuming, but when they see you they almost go into cardiac arrest.

“What’s wrong?” Your mother asks tentatively, extremely unsure as to why her daughter looked so abnormally disheveled. “Did you know he was going to be back in town?” You croak out, and she sighs.

“So you saw him.” She states, and your dad pretends to read the newspaper.

“Why didn’t you tell me ma, you know what happened-”

“Exactly; everyone knows what happened, and everyone knows how ruined you’ve both been because of it. But nothing’s going to change if you keep sweeping it under the rug. Honey, I know you’re hurting,” She rests a hand on your cheek and you close your eyes at the feeling. “But this is your chance to get closure.”

“What if I don’t want it anymore?”

“Oh that’s a load of cow dung. Look at you; you’re a mess.” Gee, thanks mom.

She bites her lip and pauses for a second, “What if I told you that during your first year in college, the very first semester you were away, he came back? It was the autumn before things took off for him, and he showed up in town looking for you everywhere, not knowing you had left. I felt so bad, but you’re my daughter, and my first instinct was to protect you because I knew that for the first time in a long time, you were enjoying yourself. So I didn’t give him your new number, said your phone was broken, and he was absolutely heartbroken. I regret it slightly, but maybe this time you both can stop being constantly out of step.”

Your mouth hung agape and your head spun. He looked for me?

“Don’t leave things like this, you need each other.” She gives you a squeeze, and you sigh.

She was right. Years passed with so many things left unsaid, so much time gone. And as much as you hated to admit it, you were never going to get that time back. It would kill you knowing that you didn’t take the chance to fix things. You were already broken down to your bones, what’s left to chip away?

You uncoil yourself from your blanket and fling it onto the couch, groaning when you realise you’re going to have to face him again. The events that had elapsed last night were still hard to wrap your mind around, and you found yourself wondering if it ever did happen. You could already feel your heart pound at the thought of it. His words float in your mind ceaselessly; so much so that when you step out of your house, you almost miss the slumped figure on your sidewalk.

He gets up at the sound of your door closing.

His hair was messy, pointing every which way, and the same clothes from earlier were now wrinkled and crimped. His eyes devastated you. They looked worn down and exhausted, much like yours did.

“Walk with me?” He breathes out, and you nod.

Seeing him in daylight is different. As you two walk, you become increasingly aware of exactly how much he’s grown. He used to be only a few centimeters taller than you, but now you only reach his chin. Barely. But his skin is the same golden tan and his cheeks remained full. You’re close enough that you can smell his scent- a scent you didn’t know you missed until now. But in retrospect, you just missed him.

You both reach the small park in the middle of your neighborhood, and you find yourselves under the big oak tree that he had deemed our spot all those years ago. You look up into his eyes, and for a moment you remember what it’s like to feel home again.

“Do you remember the first time we found this place? You were always so terrible at hide and seek.”

You find yourself smiling at the memory. He hid from you, behind this very tree, for so long that it had felt like you spent hours searching for him. When you finally did find him, you were angry and upset with him with red cheeks to match.

“That’s only because you were always so good at hiding from me,” There’s ambiguity that you didn’t intend in that statement, which brings you both back to silence.

After a while, you gather the courage to speak again. “So about that kiss-” He winces and scratches the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry for catching you off-guard like that last night-”

“I’m talking about the one on your birthday, sophomore year.” His lips squeeze into a tight line and his round eyes stare at you dumbfoundedly.

“I-I always thought you never remembered that. You never brought it up, so I thought that it was just a mistake.” You fiddle with your fingers and gnaw at your bottom lip, feeling the heat creep to the back of your neck.

“Y/n, it was never a mistake. I wanted to kiss you- and I did- because I was sick of being confused about my feelings for you.” You look back up at him, “I didn’t bring it up because I was too scared of scaring you away with it all.”

“Well you should’ve, so that I wouldn’t be so confused either.” His expression changes, and you didn’t think it was possible, but it becomes even more defeated than it was a few moments ago. He rubs his face with his face with his hands, leaning against the tree.

He’s about to speak again, but your lips reach his before he gets the chance.

His soft cheeks rest in your hands as you taste him, soaking in the feeling of his warm lips against yours. This time, for the first time, the kiss lasts longer than a few seconds.

The sensation sends shivers up your arms and down your spine. When he kisses you back, he kisses you with so much fervour that you’re worried you’ll pass out at the feeling. But his arms grip you tightly around your waist to keep you there, with him, firmly in place. Your mind is fuzzy and your heart beats erratically in your chest when he squeezes your waist. Craving him like this is new to you, and yet you can’t help but yearn for more.

Where words failed you before, you make up for it in slow dances across his lips.

“It was worth it, right?” Your question comes as a surprise to him.

Earlier, when the sun had begun to set, the two of you decided that public parks were not exactly the most ideal place to have a heart-to-heart. So you walked back to his place, hands shoved in to the depths of your pockets, but your shoulders brushing against his with every step.

The two of you laid face to face on his bed, pillow-width apart.

“Leaving, yes. Hurting you, not at all.” He answers quietly, his hand drawing circles on the small of your back.

Under his bedroom lights, you take his breath away. His eyes trace over your features, over every dip and bump of the outlines of your face and he hopes that this vision of you never leaves him. He takes in every mole and freckle on your face like it’s the first time he’s seen them, when the reality is that he always used to map out constellations on your cheeks while you slept. He’s afraid that if he blinks, you’ll vanish again, so he tries to keep his gaze steady on yours, unwavering and certain. The way he looks at you sends the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy.

“I miss you,” You say, your voice meek and he feels his heart break all over again. “I miss you too.” You both speak in present-tense because even though he could touch you, see you, he knew it would take an indefinite amount of time for the pain of losing so many moments to heal.

He pulls you into him, savouring the feeling of your embrace. Holding you makes him feel at home, and god knows he’s been away for so long. You nestle into the crook of his neck, and his hands rest under your sweater and on supple skin, willing your pain to go away.

There are an infinite amount of things he wants to tell you, but he figures “I love you.” would suffice for now.

Life never slowed down. As much as it felt like it had when you spent your days with him again, the days piled up one by one. And soon enough, time caught up.

Soon enough, you would need to book your train ticket back to the city, because your three-week long semester break would draw to a close. He would have to book a plane ticket back to glitz and glamour, and the pair of you would wind up in the same dilemma that you were in five years ago.

Only this time, he never leaves your side during your fleeting time together. This time, he tries to make up for all the lost moments within the span of three weeks. He doesn’t let go of any chance to be with you- to hold you, to touch you, to kiss you. He imprints the feeling of his skin on yours so that you never forget. So that he never forgets. Your eyes are cosmic in the moments that you share intimately, and he soaks up every inch of you so that he never forgets what it feels like to share the same breath.

He listens to all your stories and all your bizarre adventures with a fond smile, because you tell them with such wonder that it makes him feel like he was there. Your voice is the only one he wants in his head.

When he drops you off at the station, he doesn’t say goodbye. But not like last time; he doesn’t say goodbye because instead he says I’ll see you soon and Get there safely. When he watches the train pull away from the platform, he prays he sees it soon again because it carries his heart with him.

He likes to imagine that you send him voice notes of your day and how frustrated you are with you OChem professor. That you send him pictures of yourself, and all the cute little cats you come across during your walks to class. That you send him long letters in the mail like the hopeless romantic that you are. In return, he would introduce you to his members- he knows you’d get along with Hyunjin the best, because you both would like to bitch about him while he’s still in the room. He likes the idea of facetiming you whenever you have the time, and getting to say he misses you, even if it’s only through a screen. He likes to imagine that in every lyric he writes, an essence of you treads in his words, because you’re his only muse. And he envisions the day when he’s finally back in the town where time slows, up in your room where the rest of the world crumbles away and your slates are clean once again.

But for now he watches as the train becomes nothing but a speck in the distance, waiting for it all to play out.

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