#& love that he feels comfortable enough to just casually mention it on Twitter

[dearqueerdeers]

diversity win hank green is bi

[cripplingoptimism]

Distractions [3/3]

Gonna wrap this up in 3 parts. Previous here.

Yo, WHAT was happening on Twitter this week?? Every time I opened the app there was a new analysis of the Goddamn couch scene. I didn't think Trigun could hurt me any more and yet here I am in a new spiral over an internet stranger's hot take.

Anywaaaaay, I've had this brainworm way before whatever angst got a hold of Twitter. I've always interpreted Vash and Wolfwood’s relationship as 'right people, wrong time'. But honestly, I love every interpretation of them - platonic, soulmates, lovers, etc. So, through these comics I wanted to show moments during their journey that conveyed the gradual evolution of their relationship (as I head cannon it lmao). Canonically, Vash never gets to tell Wolfwood how he feels and my poor little heart has been in denial about that ever since. So this is my *slight* rewriting of the series of events leading up to Wolfwood's solo journey.

At this point in the manga (ch. 50) I wanted to show that, despite the 7 month time skip, it's like no time has passed between them. They're still comfortable and casual with each other, still seeking the comfort of distractions - Neither of them wanting to shatter the illusion of normalcy in this moment. And I feel Vash would be the first to ask for more when reality comes knocking (through Wolfwood's fist lol).

He knows, even in a best-case scenario, his time with Wolfwood is limited. And while Vash is just as shackled by duty and guilt as Wolfwood, he carries an optimism about him that Wolfwood lacks. He needs Woolfwood to know how he feels so he can live without regret, regardless of the outcome. As such, he takes the leap. Wolfwood, unfortunately, cannot bring himself to share in that optimism. He’s too absorbed in worry about the orphanage, the children and especially Livio. His heart is screaming at him, but he knows he can’t afford to be distracted by his “selfish” desires. So, he rejects Vash by being realistic and hopes he can see that he wants this too, but just can't bear the impending heartbreak due to their circumstances. Vash does see this. He swallows his disappointment and heartbreak, earnestly grateful for the relationship he still has with Wolfwood.

I know my characterization feels like it conflicts with the moment on the couch; Vash can't even look at Wolfwood for that entire scene despite Wolfwood being the one to try and connect with him ("You look better...when you smile."). However, I never saw that moment as Vash rejecting Wolfwood. Not in the traditional sense at least (maybe an inadvertent rejection). Vash wanted more between them (to share his tomorrows), but not like this - not as a deathbed confession. He's heartbroken and grieving and (somewhat selfishly) can't see that Wolfwood just wants to enjoy his last moments with the one person on this planet he can call an equal and a friend.

Speaking of the dreaded couch scene, I don't think I can add anything new to the discourse, but I will say the tragedy for me really lies in all the emotions Wolfwood goes through:

Being at peace with his death ("This is the way you want it?" "Yeah."). It's what he believed he deserved, with all the blood on his hands, and the mutation of his body, he assumed he could never return to his previous life with everyone at the orphanage.

Grieving for his future (confetti). Wolfwood never believed he could be forgiven. The children celebrating his return showed their acceptance of him, welcoming him back regardless of his sins. He was worthy of forgiveness. His guilt prevented him from even entertaining the thought of forgiving himself. There must have been regret in those tears.

Seeking comfort from the one person he grew to truly trust and Vash not being strong enough to give it. I already mentioned this above, but Vash not even being able to look at Wolfwood throughout the entire couch scene tears me up.

From the narrative's perspective, Wolfwood needed to die. And even knowing that, it still absolutely destroyed me (and still does). Not just because he died, but because right before his death, he was given a glimmer of hope - that had he survived the fight with Livio, he would have had a chance at happiness.

Last side note here: I've seen discourse online explaining the entire scene is a metaphor for a wedding and I just wanna say, you'll be hearing from my therapist.

[noahschnappinfs]

joe keery and finn stans are becoming more obnoxious then millie fans and that’s sayin something. joes fanbase bullying noah for literally existing near their fave finn stans calling noah everything under the sun on twitter. I’ve seen even some natalia fans joining, one of them said something really nasty about weight which I will not be sharing cause it was gross

I’m just disappointed with the fans of joe I didn’t know they also harbored this much hate. I was afraid of this happening and I see why noah might’ve been hesitate to hang with any cast members publicly. We could see what the reaction is

millie stans are weird and basically hate everybody around her so it’s not surprising behaviour coming from them but let’s save the commentary about that for her wedding when noah ends up being part of her bridal party. now that i think about it, i’m glad the wedding isn’t the first event where we see the cast with noah publicly, it’s great that we already got this out of the way. at least now they have a few months to get used to idea and touch grass for once in their lives after seeing that everybody in the cast is okay with him.

tbh it’s insane to see how their fans baby finn and joe, they are grown adults and noah is literally younger than all of them. a 19 year old isn’t forcing his older cast mates to hang out with him outside of set and he’s not an stalker following them around. finn and joe made the willingly decision of hanging out with noah for two days in a row. you aren’t protecting them from anything by attacking noah, that’s their friend and they want to spend time with him. it’s also crazy that they keep writing fan fics saying that it must be PR to save noah’s image or that they are being forced when i thought according to them, they weren’t allowed to hang out with him to save face but now that piece of fiction crumbled, they start with another narrative to try to pretend their favs aren’t friends with noah.

yeah it’s clear why he would prefer to keep his relationships private, it’s a understandable reaction when everybody in the internet is making up stuff about you and waiting to hate on you and your loved ones. i’m glad noah feels comfortable enough now to be more public and i’m glad the rest of the cast seen to have always supported him. they kept mentioning him very casually and now they hang out with him publicly without fear of blacklash.

[usernu11]

I don't use tumblr very often but thought that I'd crosspost all my fics here and maybe chat a little bit about my interests. Please keep in mind that twitter is my main platform though so I might disappear here and there while being active mainly on twitter;

Request Status: open

about me*

// hello! you may call me either user or null or both // i'm 20+, i might mention my exact age but for now the range is fine // i use he/him and they/them pronouns. please don't use feminine terms with me (sis, queen, ect) // i exclusively write for gn!reader, male!reader and transmasc!reader. i also only write mlm pairs overall. i might do wlw if i feel particularly inspired // i also write or talk about a lot of suggestive themes, so i prefer 18+ followers //that being said all nsfw will be under cut and i do write casual stuff sometimes so it's not a hard ask

main interests*

// obey me! one master to rule them all: lucifer, beel (sometimes paired with belphie), levi, mammon (i might write for the others, just not as often) // chainsaw man: yoshida/denji, aki/angel // fire emblem three houses: dimitri (i love him lots) // nijisanji: luca kaneshiro (i might not write full on fics however i am very much down to chat about him) // mystic messenger: ge!saeran, unknown (big love), ray (particularly v route ray), jumin, 707 // slow damage: towa (i love him so much please play the game), towa/fujieda //genshin impact: childe (i hc him as a menace and i will gladly ramble about it), zhongli, maybe others mainly the male cast

smaller interests*

// visual novels: dramatical murder, cupid parasite (still playing), collar x malice, // games: hollow knight, stardew valley, pokemon (N my love), omori, the summ // general likes: plushies, classical music, kpop (TXT), vocaloid, vtubers

FAQ*

what fandoms will you write for?*

// anything listed in my main interests in my stated above ; anything else (like things mentioned in my smaller interests) i can consider if i’m in a certain mood, but otherwise these are the only fandoms i’m knowledgeable enough to write about

do you do scenarios? drabbles? headcanons? full on fics?*

// well, honestly i can do almost anything if i’m inspired enough. please keep in mind, i will only write for transmasc, male or masc readers. and i write mainly mlm pairs, but can consider wlw if im comfortable enough for it.

any kinks or things that you don't write for?*

// piss, scat, stuff like this ig. i’m okay with dub-con and things dealing with blood or violence. when it comes to non-con, i used to say i was alright with it but i'm a little hesitant upon further thought; i'll just say i'm unsure for now. i will absolutely not write nsfw for luke from obey me! shall we date.

anything i, the requester, should keep in mind?*

// my brain simply works in the worst of ways, please keep in mind that my interpretations of certain characters might be vastly different from yours. i love to view some characters as creepy, odd and pathetic men that act like virgins in the face of genuine feelings (looking at you levi, lucifer, yoshida and childe). of course, this can change depending on the situation they are placed in, as i do like a dom!lucifer on some days. it just depends! it’d help immensely if you could clarify what sort of vibe you’re looking for, otherwise keep in mind that the character might seem different than you’re use to. if you’re unsure, just ask what my headcanons are for a particular character.

how long should i expect to wait for my request to be done?*

// forever? haha honestly im not so sure, i’ll probably go through casual asks a lot faster than requests since i tend to lose motivation real easy. the most i can say is that if its been a month, it’s not likely i’m going to do your request

can i resubmit my request?*

// im hesitant to say yes, but if you are particularly passionate and a month later you still have the brainrot then sure, resubmit it.

anything you like to write for?*

// my guilty pleasure is omegaverse au’s. i absolutely love them and you will absolutely see hc’s and fics about it whether you ask or not. however, if you request something dealing with abo stuff i might have a higher likelihood of writing for it lol.

my asks are open all the time so feel free reach out for casual chatter. if you are wanting a request of some kind please read my request faq first

ao3 *** writing tag

[ficsforeren]

The Last Song Series Masterlist

Pairing: Eren Jaeger X Female Reader

Genre: Rockstar AU, Friends with Benefits, Angst, Smut, Fluff, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining

Chapter Count: 17/17 (Completed)

Series Summary: Eren Jaeger has two personas, a charismatic lead vocal who has lost himself in fame, and a boy who struggles with depression, seeking for someone to bring him back to where he was twelve years ago. Where he only knew love in the form of your name.

Content Warnings:  explicit sex (cunnilingus, blow job, fingering, hand job, car sex, dry humping, drunk sex, public sex, unprotected sex, one night stand, choking, treating women like objects, dub-con, corruption, face-sitting, sex toys, daddy kink, praise kink, slight degradation, etc), substance abuse (use of drugs, alcohol, tobacco), severe abandonment issues, childhood trauma, anxiety attacks, depression, adultery, physical abuse towards men and women, family issues, abusive parents, crude words, dark humor, mention of sexual assault/rape, harassment, car accident and child abuse.

Poster art by the most talented @rainbuniart (follow her on Twitter)

CHAPTER LIST

Chapter 1

Word Count: 15K

Summary: Eren Jaeger, the new promising rockstar, feels hollow inside even when he has hundreds of people chanting his name. Desperate for comfort, his thoughts drift back to where he met you twelve years ago.

Chapter 2

Word Count: 16K

Summary: You are reunited once again with your best friend, Eren Jaeger, and things are going well until you see the persona he displays on stage.

Chapter 3

Word Count: 10K

Summary: Under the influence of alcohol, you become brave enough to tell him the things you tried to keep to yourself for years. What follows is something you never thought would happen. Something that will change your relationship with him forever.

Chapter 4

Word Count: 15K

Summary: After the heated moment you spent with him in the car, Eren pays you a visit the next morning, desperate and anxious for answers. How do you feel about him exactly?

Chapter 5

Word Count: 16K

Summary: Having casual sex with your best friend is exhilarating and Eren knows perfectly how to make you moan his name with his tongue.

Chapter 6

Word Count: 18K

Summary: You keep insisting on applying some rules to your friends with benefits relationship but Eren never wants to play by your book.

Chapter 7

Word Count: 15k

Summary: Eren takes you backstage during his solo concert and you let him know just how much you appreciate his music by raking your nails down his back in an empty dressing room.

Bonus: Chapter 7.5

Word Count: 4k

Summary: Eren gives you a private tour inside his tour bus.

Chapter 8

Word Count: 14k

Summary: Eren goes away for a month and it's making you realize just how hard it is to spend a night alone in your apartment without having him by your side.

Chapter 9

Word Count: 18k

Summary: Eren extends his stay in another country for a month, and you're shrouded with nothing but loneliness. Desperate to have someone else to distract you from it, you seek comfort in Armin's company.

Chapter 10

Word Count: 18k

Summary: Eren comes back home and you surprise him with a very, special gift.

Bonus: Chapter 10.5

Word Count: 5k

Summary: Desperate to bring his attention back to you, you decide to fulfill the kinky desire Eren has been wanting to do in bed.

Chapter 11

Word Count: 20k

Summary: You're planning to visit your parents' house for the weekend and Eren decides to tag along. You've promised each other that you'll speak nothing about your relationship, but can Eren really keep it a secret?

Bonus: Chapter 11.5

Word Count: 4k

Summary: Drunk and half-asleep, Eren becomes uncharacteristically rough and demanding in bed.

Chapter 12

Word Count: 20k

Summary: What starts out as something that's filled with nothing but passion, turns into something intimate. And as you lay with him on your bed, legs tangled underneath the sheets, Eren decides to open up about his past.

Chapter 13

Word Count: 24k

Summary: Professing your love to one another is the easy part. The hardest one has yet to come. Are you ready to be in a relationship with him? Should you even be in a relationship with him? Are you ready to risk your friendship for it? You need to be able to answer these questions before you take a step further.

Chapter 14

Word Count: 23k

Summary: Armin invites you to his house to celebrate his birthday together and you learn that there's far more to him than meets the eye. But Eren also has his own secrets too.

Chapter 15

Word Count: 17k

Summary: Eren has lost so many people in his life, and when you walk away, he feels like you're abandoning him too. Chased by the ghosts of his past, he tries to keep his head clear. Right now, he just needs to find you.

Chapter 16

Word Count: 23k

Summary: Desperate to win you back, Eren tries everything he can to revive whatever is left in your relationship. Meanwhile, you learn a new secret about yourself, one that you don't think you'll ever be ready to tell him anytime soon.

Chapter 17 (Epilogue/END)

Word Count: 33k

Summary: The ending of The Last Song series, heavily based on the song Forever and Always by Parachute.

DRABBLES

Rockstar Eren masturbating at the sound of your voice

Shower sex with Rockstar Eren

Rockstar Eren's reaction to reader fixing his tie

SEQUEL

The Last Song Sequel: In Another Life

Pairing: Eren Jaeger X Female Reader

Genre: Domestic AU, Rockstar/Band AU, Fluff, Smut, Slice of Life, Romance

Summary: What if the car accident never happened? In this alternate universe, Eren Jaeger, the frontman of notorious rock band Empire, gets to come home to you after the wedding proposal he made on stage. You are now married to your childhood best friend, and the mother of his children, Irene and Jace Jaeger.

CLICK HERE TO READ HEADCANONS FOR THE LAST SONG

[gloriousmonsters]

I'm you're still doing the ask meme can we hear about Blorbo from your shows? Tragic lack of good Su Minshan content in this fandom.

one aspect about them i love

absolute king for disrupting the entire plot with an unrelated personal grudge. the beauty of the Hundred Holes Curse being revealed, WWX being like 'why did you do that? I've never done anything to you, hell I've never even met you before to my knowledge' and SMS just being like 'yeah because not everything is about you, I cursed jzx for personal reasons, dumbass' lives on in my heart.

(also cherished of my heart in that scene: the exchange where LXC is like 'why do you dislike Wangji :(' and SMS is like 'wHy Do i DiSLikE LaN wANgJi do I need a fucking permit to not like Lan Wangji? HE'S AN ASSHOLE')

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

so i just spent most of the day ranting about some particularly egregious things 😂 because in my perusal of the sms tag on here and ao3 and my occasional forays to twitter i have seen about every possible bad take known to man. On a general level I just want people to comprehend that he's a complex character who's clearly, like jgy and xy, meant to be a mix of villainous and sympathetic, and not Flat Joke Villain #9. I would just like people to acknowledge he has aspects at all, lol.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

Moling loves him. I like to write it as a merchantile-heavy city that never had a comfortable relationship with the 'we are above earthly things' Great Sect nearest to them, and didn't have any smaller sect in the area, so when one of their own came back and set up a new sect instead of staying at that stuck-up Lan sect a lot of people were into it. Also in the bent of 'things from the earlier draft aren't true unless i like them', I generally keep as canon the detail that sms did well during the Sunshot campaign (look, he was almost suicidally depressed during that time and life loves giving him exactly what he doesn't want atm. him actually winning some shit by trying to throw himself into unwinnable fights feels like exactly the black comedy his teen years were made of) and hc that it was close enough to Moling that a lot of people are impressed by that as well. not to mention he has connections to the Jin, which bring more money into town! Absolute local legend. Only flaw is that he keeps turning down suggestions of marriage, but we can live with that.

essentially, you know how the Moling Su disciples start fighting with the Lan disciples in that one scene about 'WELL, MAYBE HE'S GREAT ACTUALLY, COULD YOU START A SECT'? the whole city of Moling is Like That.

one character i love seeing them interact with

...jin guangyao. i mean, can i put anyone else. when i type 'e' into my browser bar it defeatedly directs me to Untamed Episode 26 because I have rewatched jgy and sms' first meeting for the seratonin so many times. It's just so good to see JGY being polite and considerate to him, and sms first reacting with shock and then Insane Levels of Devotion (I usually talk book version more, but shout out to Feng Cong for nailing this facial progression in CQL, watching him as SMS going from distress to confusion to more confusion to slowly dawning joy is so good.) And the later Moments Indicating Long-Held Intimacy between them are. Really something, I think about SMS taking the bottle out of JGY's hand because JGY is struggling with it and giving him the medicine, and JGY giving him the medicine packet later (shoutout to CQL for turning that into a whole period-romance-level hand focus moment), not to mention sms bandaging his shoulder with strips from his own robes, d a i l y.

writing this, I love how much of their intimacy is based in wounds and the care thereof? jgy receives a loooot of casual and not-so casual violence in the narrative and rarely receives any sort of care for it (the only other person who tends his wounds onscreen is uh... lxc, who immediately follows it up by stabbing him) so sms' attentiveness to his physical damage and pain, and clear familiarity with is almost a shocking level of care and intimacy. just. jin guangyao gets his arm cut off and su minshan screams. jgy is out of medicine because, presumably, he gave the last of it to sms just a few minutes ago. i'm on to something here. or possibly just having a breakdown. give me a minute.

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

I put wishing for more sms-xy interaction on xy's question, so for this one I'll put that (book canon) I'd kill to see him run into mianmian again. CQL canon, I wouldn't have minded a few more scenes with LXC or LQR back in the day.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

more CQL flavor, but him and lan wangi actually got along well (?) for a little while when they were kids. literally all it consisted of was that they silently worked in the library around the same time and one time sms passed him an inkstone, but they're both people that feel the concept of Parallel Play Work Counts As Social Interaction in their souls. this only contributes to sms being even more pissed at lwj for not getting over his whole betrayal moment, and lwj being more angry about sms failing morally, and also some people being very confused about how intensely both of them treat their Grudge™ despite apparently? never speaking? you weren't actually friends or anything right? (lwj: he passed me an inkstone wwx: is that slang for something i don't know or-- sms: i passed him something once! we had a silent understanding! xy: you are completely insane)

[karumashadowchicken]

asked by @mmnnmmg

no need to say sorry! Let's just be as casual as we are chatting in a coffee shop (Bojack Horseman is really good looking!)

 It's really great to hear your concept of love! There are also people around me who like this way of getting along. I think such couples know each other enough, so they can feel his thoughts even when they are not around. It sounds very romantic (〃'▽'〃)

 Although I can't do that...(.•́︿•̀.) If I can't stay by his side when I miss him, I feel lonely

 And I really feel that skin-to-skin touch is really healing ✧٩(ˊωˋ*)و✧. Not to mention that he is like a big dog, it must be very comfortable to be held in his arms

(灬°ω°灬)

+

 I just saw someone on twitter saying: Diavolo might want mc to get pregnant and start a family with him, what do you think?

 From what I know about him, I'm in favor of half. He had no family life since he was a child, I believe he must want to form a family with mc; but considering that diavolo's mother died of pregnancy, I think diavolo has enough reasons to worry about mc's body

 What do you think if mc told yandere diavolo that he was pregnant one day, how would he feel for the remaining 10 months?

______________________________________________________________

That took a while, I was almost finished my writing when my laptop restarted! :(

Anyways, I feel like Diavolo would want to start a family, and would also be very worried about it at the same time.

He also acts very childish, and often knows about the brothers messes, which are often dangerous, and does nothing about them. I feel like seeing chaos and doing nothing about it because he finds it fun... wouldn't be a good parenting technique.

So yes, I think he'd want a family, maybe just not yet though. Probably after a while... not to long tho. I mean I guess it depends, he's Lord Diavolo, Mc is in his world, if he doesn't want them to die yet, then he'll find a way around it.

[blunixfurtle]

I didn't want to get involved in the current issues in the fandom. The atmosphere felt so aggressive and as if I would get attacked if I said the wrong thing. I just wanted to enjoy being around fellow zutara shippers and talk about the two characters I loved. But this all had to turn into Twitter 2.0 and it's so hostile. But I realized that as an East Asian girl, I can and am allowed to say something for this issue.

I was born in Japan but grew up in a South Pacific country, the local population were mostly Pacific Islanders. This is a rare case I guess where even though I was the minority there, the majority were also POC.

Since I could remember, me and my community there have been shown micro and blatant racism. From seeing a bunch of adults pulling their eye corners at us when we were just casually driving by, to having a birthday party of one of the kids in my community get attacked by drunk locals who were passing by and I guess got offended of our existence? it got so bad that they hid me and the other kids in the basement and locked us in there because they were afraid they'd hurt us too. That hour in there being able to hear screaming and human bodies hitting against the walls and floor, I'll never forget. The police didn't respond immediately, I guess because it's us. When it was over, I had to see many of the adults in my community, including my dad, that day go to the hospital, bloodied and beaten.

I've had more individual experiences as well, like not being given awards and scholarships I earned, because I was asian, but what I'm trying to say is that I grew up in a place where my race was met with hostility, and hate.

The situation got a little better though when the country got ahold of anime and asian dramas. My aggressors now enjoyed media that primarily had Asians in it. So now instead of seeing me and my community, and feeling hostile, they now associated us to those shows they watched, which was positive to them in context.

We got less and less racist encounters and some people even started learning and saying japanese greeting phrases they learnt to us when they met us somewhere. My classmates back then would finally ask me about my home country, curious about Japan. For a few years now even, my dad would always be given a budget and begged to bring one of his signature japanese dishes to office parties. He would always return home with an empty platter and look very happy he was able to share our food with others.

Some people might call this fetishizing my people and culture, but me and my community saw this as breaking the ignorance they have of our people and cultural appreciation. Because they were exposed to media they enjoyed that had Asians. They began seeing us more as fellow humans who just happened to be from different countries.

My brothers had a lot of girls and guys liking them, but that was even before the asian media hit the country. Girls and guys liked them because of their personalities and how nice they were, and yeah according to them they were also handsome. These guys and girls however only felt more free to show their attraction to my brothers, after the media came and made it more okay for people to show positive reactions to my community. Not once though did they mention that they liked them because they were asian. And back when it was still the ignorant times against Asians there, one could even argue they liked them 'despite' being asian.

What I'm getting at is, the whole discourse going around about fetishizing east Asians, feels like a very American discourse to me. I don't know about east Asians from actual east Asia, but as an East Asian that lived in non america, as long as Zuko's east Asian features were not blatantly being the things mentioned that people found attractive, then I do not see it as fetishizing.

I've had my fair share of being fetishized myself. From people saying they want to have my eye shape to look more 'kawaii', to guys full on telling me they wanted to carry me around because I was petite and short like anime girls. This is when I think it's fetishizing asians. But when my boyfriend, who isn't japanese, tells me I'm hot in general, that's not fetishizing.

So far, those shirtless Zuko posts don't mention any east Asian features once. The character happens to be east Asian but the intent and the wording behind shirtless Zuko posts were not mentioning or fetishizing his east Asian-ness. Because a lot of people have abs. And so far, those that I've seen participating in shirtless Zuko, have also other posts that find other, non east Asians hot.

I sympathize with fellow east Asians that find those posts disturbing, uncomfortable and don't want to see them. Your feelings are very valid. But, the discourse around this has blown out of proportion, and so hostile that even I, a fellow east Asian, do not feel comfortable to disagree with the other east Asians talking about this, else I be labeled something I'm not. Or invalidated and ignored. Because living in the islands, I've had enough of that.

I'm all for having WoC voices heard, but when one side is making this discourse feel so hostile and 'twitter cancel culture like' it actually makes other WoC who disagree with their side, feel afraid and unable to voice out themselves.

[grav3yardbb92]

Dave Navarro x reader imagine

On this very special live episode of Ink Master, two fan favorites will compete head to head. Please join me in welcoming tonight's artist Ryan Ashley and Sarah Miller."

I stand behind the stage, watching my fiancee as he introduced two of my favorite artist, one of which will be painting their next masterpiece on my skin.

" Your canvases for tonight are very knowledgeable in tattoos and have specific designs in mind. You challenge is to adapt to whatever they ask for, you are NOT allowed to change their minds on placement or design."

Dave let out a small chuckle, the audience may not have noticed, but I sure did. And I knew exactly what he was thinking. Neither of them would be able to change my mind. I fight for what I want. I always have.

" Now, let's bring out your canvases" after he speaks, Dave glances in my direction and I walk out to the stage, stopping to stand at his left.

" As fans and former contestants of the show, you should recognize both these lovely ladies" Ryan and Baby both nod, looking a little nervous, realizing who we both are.

Judges wives.

" On my right, Carol Anne, wife of your judge Chris Nunez and to my left, my beautiful wife y/n." He pauses to glance at me, flashing a small smile before continuing. " Not only are these two ladies special to the ink master family, they have something more inspirational in common...they are both cancer survivors." I smile proudly at his statement, and he looks toward Carol to explain her situation and her tattoo.

" At the age of 19 I was diagnosed with skin cancer, I underwent multiple surgeries and skingraphs along my back" when she pauses to wipe her tears, Chris moves from his seat to hold her. Once she collects her feelings, my husband prompts her to continue.

" And what would you like ?"

" A bouquet of colorful flowers with butterflies down my spine" she answers him with a smile.

He takes a moment to catch the artist reactions, before moving to face me.

I take in a deep breath and his smile comforts me more, enticing me to share my story.

" Four years ago, I had a relapse of bone Cancer in my left hip. I also went through multiple surgeries, resulting in a ridgid scar down my side." As I spoke, Dave took hold of my hand, squeezing it to reassure me. " I would like a black and grey, broken heart, stiched up across the scar" I give out the details of my idea, leaving out a small part, which is a surprise for Dave.

Because Carol and I were both familiar with the artist, we were given the choice of whose work we wanted desplayed on our bodies. Carol chose Sarah as her artist.

" Alright now, y/n, I know you're excited to have Ryan as your artist"

" Oh, yeah, I've been a fan of her's since the beginning, and I know she'll give me an excellent peice."

" Okay, artist, you have ten hours to complete your tattoos. Time starts now"

About an hour into the session, Dave steps into the room, checking on Ryan's progress. " How are you doing, doll?" He questions, leaning down to kiss my cheek. " I'm good" I answer simply, before the needle hits a tender spot of scar tissue, causing me to wince slightly. Dave doesn't address my expression, only smiles at me again before glancing back at Ryan.

"Well, carry on, Ryan, and remember that's my life in your hands" he gestures toward me, finishing with a wink before exiting to check on Ryan's competitor.

Within the next few hours oliver and Chris came in to check out the artpeice. They each questioned her on her feelings on the competition and the design. Then Chris questioned me on the special part, that I didn't mention in the beginning. This is live and Dave is not far away, speaking to the audience, so I quickly shush him and ask him to keep my husband away until the end.

Throughout the rest of the time, Ryan and I are keeping casual conversation as I also listen to dave conversing with some of the artist from past seasons. Before I know it, he is addressing the audience and anouncing the final two minutes. Ryan cleans up my hip and helps me up, allowing me to see the peice clearly. " Wow. That's awesome Ryan"

" Thanks girl, I'm so glad I could do that for you"

The time finally came to reveal my new tattoo to the live audience and all of america watching on tv, not to mention the most important veiwer of my body art. I know I love this, I just hope he does too.

Dave sits at the table, with the other two judges, smiling brightly as I lift the cloth of my top, the him of my shorts pulled just low enough to show off the work, but cover my most intimate parts. The audience erupts in an uproar of applause, shouts, and whistles. A smirk stretches across Dave's face, indicating that he noticed the lyrics of one of my favorite songs from his band, that adorned one side of my, now beautifully decorated, scar.

Ryan begins an explanation of her concept of the design I described to her. Then the three men add their opinions on her work, just as they did Sarah's just a few minutes ago.

" Now that both artist have showed off their skills and explained their work, it's time to get to the judging. Now, it wouldn't be too fair for Chris and I to judge our own wives tattoos, so this decision will be made by the audience and tv veiwers, via Twitter."

After that anouncement, the cameras cut to commercial, and to give the luve audience time to vote, the judges went back and forth with their own comments on the artists work.

Thank fuck! he likes it.

3.2.1.

" Welcome back to Ink Master. The home veiwers and live studio audience have placed their votes." I smile at Ryan, nudging her arm to reassure her.

" And the winner of this special Ink Master show down is......"

Me, I'm the winner and so is Carol. We have and will continue to win our fights, and we will look good doing it.

[ranboo5]

Tbh while this is “controversial” (is it??! Idfk) I would love 2 hear your thoughts on like. The comparing and contrasts of ranboo and his dynamic with bench trio (tubbo and tommy) compared to boreal boys (techno and philza) because like. The differences between the two groups r both night and day and also... not? I think about em a lot and don’t have a good way with words but anything you’ve got is always welcome. (Personally I like both, with a slight bias to boreal trio- but I’m sendin an ask 2 you after all so. Go ham) -butchpuffy

Okay I’m gonna answer this in two bc I don’t know if u mean streamers or characters and I ASSUME u mean characters but it could be either sO 

Also this is going under the cut because I started analyzing comedy (all good things, all good things) and it got long because I’m an improv kid 

Streamers - 

I think the commodification of streamer dynamics to the point where the names become anything other than, well, shorthand for streamer combos you like to see is like, legitimately concerning and a symptom of one of my biggest problems with streaming as a cultural phenomenon in general. Like it’s literally the marketing of Hanging Out With Friends as a product and it’s :nervous:. Like at the end of the day these are just different vague configurationz of friends Ranboo hangs out with and I think like, reading into like Who He’s REAAAALLY Better Friends With or whatever is like. It’s literally just truthing. It is literally just truthing 

Howeverrr to partake in that commodification and view it as like, which combo of entertainers I personally would like to watch more as again an entertainment product I thiiink borealtrio has to take it, solely bc Technoblade fdhkfjsh. Like both groups are funny in different ways and are clearly all comfortable with each other so 

I will however now dissect some of how and why I think peerpressureduo and alliumduo in particular are funny because I love overthinking 

Peerpressureduo are great bc like. You really get 2 see the overlap between their mannerisms and more importantly their general joke style and let me goddamn tell you the effect Stacks. They both encourage this like, uncorpsing sarcastic yes-and in each other and it’s great they go for so much longer than either would be able to sustain independently whether that is this like sarcastic self-aggrandizement or judgement of other ppl/things around or black humor and exaggerated confusion. Bc of their similarities they mesh really well and bc of their differences they can keep it going for a while (Techno tends to be more prompting and Ranboo’s really good at yes-and) -- it’s fantastic and bc both of them tend to Sell their sarcasm really hard and rarely corpse or break character/sona during bits like this the effect is unrelenting. Like they just keep saying funny things and they don’t even flinch. My go-to example is the infamous 

Technoblade: On the bright side, we might have inflicted enough trauma onto this child for it to become funny. Ranboo: Ooooh, yeah, he could become a Minecraft YouTuber! 

Technoblade’s statement here is black humor carrying through the bit they have been doing lampshading how fucked up villager mechanics are, and this is kinda looking too far but he does also leave it open and explicitly includes his scene partner by saying “we” 

Ranboo’s response is literal textbook yes-and, and a very effective one -- he actively uses the information his scene partner gave him and carries it through+synthesizes it into a joke that follows directly from that, keeps the tone, and is also fridge self-deprecation in keeping with both the players’ general comedic brands  

Alliumduo meanwhile also have excellent improv chemistry but in a much less... I want to say less balanced but that has bad connotations. It is very much balanced but it’s less two-way and the way they work together is much more metalevel. It’s most pronounced in all their beef. Tommy has been noted to Throw For Content, and like to set himself up to get made fun of for comedy to a degree, and I’ve compared Ranboo’s dunking on ppl to like, retroactively setting people up -- like, you’re walking with him and pass through a revolving door and you should be moving with the door but without warning he grabs it to still it so you walk directly into the door, and he was definitely the one being (joke) mean to you but you still walked into it so you look like the clown. These obviously work  together really well esp bc Ranboo tends to be very good at not going too far and actually being mean and generally with like, reading How to yes-and a situation. So you get stuff like the infamous: 

Tommy: We don’t like you here. You’re not welcome. [...] Who would you say, Ranboo, is the better duo, me and Tubbo or you and Tubbo?  Ranboo: You know, based on how you’re acting on Twitter, I think you’re beginning to realize--  Tommy, crosstalk: FUCK YOU, BITCH--  Ranboo, with increased malice: I think you’re beginning to realize which is better!  

Tommy sets himself up for this both a) by acting in that exaggerated sadboy:tm: manner on Twitter (which he had been particularly doing at the time) and b) by this comment in and of itself. With the paradigm he’s set up, there is no way he would have gotten a flattering answer to this question. It’s also carrying through the jealousy bit in general and his brash no-thoughts-head-unspeakably-rude streamersona 

Usually dunking on ppl is bad improv, but why that is is bc it tends to shut people down, or disregard what they’ve said -- and Ranboo’s response here does neither! It’s another yes-and, though it’s harder to recognize: he is taking the gift his scene partner has given him and is fully carrying it through. By how Tommy’s been acting on Twitter, Tommy, intentionally or not, basically handed Ranboo this punchline through this question -- Ranboo picks up on this and, as he is wont to do, gracefully delivers 

The interruption also ends up working, not only bc it again keeps Tommy’s streamersona bit going but also bc it briefly interrupts Ranboo so he can repeat it while doubling down on the gleeful malice in his tone, so both Tommy’s persona and Ranboo’s acting+delivery gets to shine 

These are definitely not the only funny moments they have, and it doesn’t mention the dynamics they have with other members in the trios, but I had to rant abt these bc these are literally exemplary improv and I think it’s just. Delightful. The way I said it also makes it seem like they all like, Directly Thought This Out, and like they obviously didn’t, but like. They have clearly been doing enough comedic improv and working with each other that they have a feel for it; that’s how improv works, and this very like, deliberate-seeming breakdown is just a breakdown of how the responses they felt out worked well 

Tubbo and Philza are both iconic in their own rights in these dynamics too: Tubbo’s being terminally casual while also being immaddogimberserkimacyclepath.mp3 is fantastic both to Tommy’s more straightforward chaos and Ranboo’s Backhandedly Polite Yes-And, and Philza in the boreal dynamic is not just a great hypeman but also the #1 catalyst of incredible comedic hostility, to which Ranboo rises with no hesitation and to which Technoblade either joins in on effectively or reacts to balance out. I don’t have improv-analysis paragraphs for those (I admit the paragraphs up above are kind of canned ahdgdskjfhdfjds), but they are all very good together and both trio dynamics and all involved subdynamics tend to all be just well handled collaboration between competent entertainers

Characters - 

Okay, like in real life, benchtrio and borealtrio in character are just fundamentally different dynamics, and bc of this reality I don’t rlly feel like it works to call one like, better or more story interesting they just work differently; personally I find borealtrio more interesting, again, solely bc I have more investment in the characters involved. I don’t think either dynamic is less valuable, though full disclosure I am like, mildly bitter bc benchtrio is the default dynamic ppl draw Ranboo in and like... sobs... canon gives me nothing... fancontent does give me things but for every Syndicate/borealtrio/peerpressureduo content there are 50 benchtrio and [sobs]

Okay but in terms of story and in universe analysis, finally, which is what this ask was probably even sent in to solicit at all: 

Both benchtrio and borealtrio offer Ranboo different forms of solidarity, and they place him in different positions. They’re his current main support circles, and it’s good that he has both -- it places him in a better position than many on the server, and honestly probably the others in either dynamic 

In benchtrio, the solidarity is that of people who have been failed by authority that was previously trusted, which is why I think a lot of the fandom, which tends to skew younger, gravitates toward em. Tommy and Tubbo, even if you don’t consider ages canon, tend to read younger bc narratively their arcs have heavily relied on authorities they looked up to and trusted for guidance and protection failing them at that, in some way or another repeatedly, and benchtrio seems very narratively bent towards finding a replacement for a place for that trust with kind of a solidarity with people who have been similarly fucked over, and surviving that way, which is incredibly, painfully relatable to I think most of the ppl in our age group l m a o (me tf too. Sobs). Benchtrio’s friendship is based on just hanging out a lot, too, but is also based in mutual trauma and solidarity around disillusionment on a personal level. 

It’s also relevant to note that Ranboo is generally moreso in the comforter role in this dynamic, which isn’t a bad thing or stating that it’s like, necessarily unreciprocated or w/e, just an observation. Like you are going to have friends where you help them out actively more than vice versa, and it definitely makes sense with how private Ranboo is; either way Ranboo definitely holds himself as responsible for the other two members of benchtrio to a degree (again, not necessarily a bad thing). It’s just kind of a consequence of how their dynamics developed and how Ranboo sees them -- he’s always been moreso in that role (trading letters w/ Tommy in exile, supporting Tubbo while Tubbo was Going Thru It as a child president), and he’s just continuing that, comforting them both and grinding armor and stuff for them, etc 

In borealtrio, the solidarity is that of having explicitly been failed, marginalized, and ostracized by political systems, and of being victims of coercion to some degree. Like there’s a reason peerpressureduo are called what they are, and Philza’s whole thing with killing Wilbur and his treatment under NLM puts him there too; the same thing applies to Niki, but her dynamic w/ Ranboo is currently still in the “they haven’t talked since they fell out” area unfortunately. All their narratives have relied on being taken for granted and taken advantage of, as well as being ostracized or excluded systematically, and reclaiming power in the face of that (which personally I find. Deeply compelling and relatable afhsdkfj). Borealtrio also work together and share interests and investments unique to that dynamic (grinding+roadtrip streams+etc) that don’t show as much with benchtrio (who tend more to fuck around and find out kind of hanging out). Borealtrio’s unity is based around mutual trust and understanding as well as solidarity from similar/analogous trauma and disillusionment on a political level. 

In this dynamic, Ranboo is also in much less of a provider role. He is more occupied with being a guest than a responsible party, and to some degree trusts Technoblade and Philza to help him actively moreso than he lets on/allows to benchtrio; he’s disclosed to them things he’s worried about, including the voice and the enderwalk experiments to an extent. Bc he doesn’t see himself as responsible for their wellbeing to the same degree that he does his peers in benchtrio, he’s willing to let them in and let them help (or know smth’s up at all) more than he would for benchtrio, and they’re capable of offering that help. Not to say he doesn’t help back; he provides resources, shares powers, and helps Philza deal with his feelings abt Wilbur, but he never has the same vibe of like, I Have To Be The Support System he tends to have w/ benchtrio; here the support system tends to be more spread out/balanced and he will accept help and mentorship (or WOULD IF TECHNO LOGGED ON!!!) 

It is also important to note that Ranboo’s kind of on edge in both underlyingly, though for different reasons

In benchtrio it’s partially bc of aforesaid responsibility, and I would say w/ Tubbo it’s again partially because of the previous dynamics and the way they’ve been leveraged (stuff in L’Manberg and around the nukes in particular) 

In borealtrio it’s much more like... internally sourced and exaggerated rather than minimized? It’s also based in previous dynamics and even moreso about reputation and like, prowess affecting how Ranboo sees the other two, which could be a FASCINATING thing for Techno considering esp now in S3 Techno seems to heading narratively into being in conflict with that exact thing, his reputation  

Ranboo definitely needs both dynamics and what both dynamics give him, and different shades+manifestations of his conflict come out in both; the throughline of his caginess and distrust in others, the throughline of agency, the throughline of responsibility, the throughline of keeping himself and the people he cares about safe. Both narratively and in terms of in-universe mental health, both benchtrio and borealtrio are essential to him, and I love it sm, and I desperately need to see them both explored 

[grabthemhorns-old]

Satan’s NSFW Alphabet - Obey Me!

I’ve had a few requests for Satan here and twitter, so here we are :3  Hope you enjoy! I always love to know what you think.

------------------------------------

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

- Satan is often one of two - the quiet observer, and affectionate need.  He loves the intricacies of how pleasure and sex affect everyone’s bodies, minds, emotions, differently, and no matter how you react to the come down after, he’s there for you, observing how your body winds down from the release and reacting how you need him. A touch where it hurts to soothe, wiping away the streaks of blood; the curl of his tail around your back, pulling him against you softly as his hands wipe away your tears; he throws you your clothes if you’re up, about, laughing at the experimentation of your last position, drinking in your every word as you act so comfortably around him, despite what he is; he’ll make the tea afterwards, draw the bath - observing what you need, and giving.

-The time his affection craves, he often just, curls into you, quietly, horns and tail away, making himself as small as possible. He still can’t quite believe that you - you - want him, flaws and all. And there are many flaws. Sometimes he’s really vulnerable during these times. Talking quietly about things he never usually would, exposing words to the pillow, to you, that he’s desperate for you to know. Intimacy has broken the barrier, away, down.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

- Satan likes his hands, and what he can do with them. He keeps them well cared for, nails and claws pristine and painted and moisturised. He loves to see them pressed against your body, spread over your legs, wet and sticky from between your legs, wrapped firm around your cock - he’s imprinting on you. Touch, to touch. And each time he feels closer, like he knows you a little bit more. He loves to play with your hair, and feel it slip through his fingers.  Bite his fingers, suck them, smother them with a moan.

-His favourite part of you is your back, spine and neck. I HC that the back and spine are highly desired in Devildom due to an ancient fable, and that it’s become fashion to emphasise the back with clothing and jewels - like the neck/chest for us. I wrote a bit about it in THIS drabble about Satan’s pact seal which I also mention here.  He will lavish it in kisses, in touches - and he especially loves giving back rubs to you, watching the spread of his hands across your back, how your muscles move beneath his touch.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

- Satan loves to cover his hands in cum - and yours. He loves seeing his hands sticky with yours, and to lick his fingers clean, hungrily. But he much prefers to watch you lick it off his hands, slowly, feeling your hot, wet tongue roll over each finger, in-between, and oh so careful against the slide of his sharp claws where it drips.

-Edge him. Edge him until he’s tearing down the walls of Hell with his gagged screams, until he’s begging you, desperate, tears in his eyes. He absolutely loves it. It ties in with his self control over his anger. And letting you have control over him in such a way, helps. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

- He likes to touch himself in the library sometimes. During his young formative demon years, when he visited the human realms, he particularly sought out libraries and book stores to fuck his chosen humans in. And devour.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

- Satan is one of the more experienced of the brothers. Maybe he doesn’t have the age span of the rest, having never being an angel, but he’s made up for it being a demon.  Satan uses casual sex a lot as release - as a way to cope with the rage, the anger that broils beneath, desperate to get out in a plethora of ways. It’s a way to help keep it in check.  He absolutely knows what he’s doing, and is not afraid to communicate with his partner about what they want and what he wants to from sex.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

- Any position that he can lavish attention on your back, especially since that’s where he branded you with his pact seal. He can see the script colour change and react to your bond and joined emotions - it really does it for him. But he also loves to be able to finger/stimulate you at the same time as fucking you.  -Holding you against a wall, your face pressed so hard at an angle it hurts so he can bite your neck, your hair caught in your lips, and you struggle to breathe. But you don’t care. You don’t care. It’s his favourite quickie position.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

- There’s a dark, dangerous humour lingering beneath Satan that comes out a lot during your sex. Especially when he’s being rough and playful - he feels safe with you to really let himself be and let loose.  The times he is serious, there’s an intensity to him that makes you feel like you’re not the only one in Devildom, but the only, one. It’s like the world just, falls away, crumbling around you, and if you blow, it’ll scatter to dust, and all that’s left is Satan, and you. He takes away your breath, and you sometimes wonder if he’ll take away your heart too and wrap it in his claws. And you think in that moment, you’d be happy if he did.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

- He’s groomed well down there, with smooth blonde hair shaved to a small patch which surrounds a black birth mark, extended around from his back. There’s little room for negotiation if you like it otherwise, though. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

- He will whisper your name against your skin, he will tell you he loves you, each word pressed closer along your neck until the last is etched against your ear with his lips. But it’s not in your language, it’s in demonic. The more intimate, more sensual your sex is, the more he slips into his own tongue, writing it all over your body. Satan is a very expressive person, although you’d never initially have known it. It’s only when he’s with you alone do you see it. His body talks for him, his tail acts as an extra limb, stroking your hair as he holds you impossibly close. It holds you steady as he fucks you hard, so hard, your knees are bleeding. The intimacy is intense, and often you can feel his underlying sin simmering beneath. But you’re not afraid.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

- Satan enjoys masturbating. He does it regularly - and it increased when you arrived, before he made his move. He uses it a lot to release his frustration and anger - sex and orgasms being such a good release for him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

- Bondage with chains - on him especially. Satan is definitely a switch, and in scenarios like this, he enjoys being the sub, wrapped in heavy, enchanted chains to dampen his demonic powers - or hurt him - when he tries to use them. He likes to feel the weight of them over ropes or ribbons - truly something he cannot escape. His rage and body contained and in your hands. He especially loves doing this for a long session, and not necessarily with lots of sexual stuff. But things like: -Pain. Use your heels. Use candles. Use blunt objects against his skin, marking him. He especially enjoys this as a distraction when his anger gets so much he doesn’t know what else to do. Bind him and gently hurt him. Then fuck him. -Edging. Edge the fuck out of this boy. Do it. Do it now. 

Roleplay! This is one Satan likes to keep very quiet, but he loves to roleplay his favourite book/tv characters and scenarios with you. It’s really quite cute because he really enjoys keeping to the exact scripts and dialogue sometimes, and dressing up like the characters.  Sometimes he’ll make up his own scenarios with fun tropes for you both to act out. It’s one of his absolute guilty pleasures. Please indulge the boy.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

- The library is a natural favourite of course. The smell of books, old and new, is  a favourite for him. Lucifer’s study :3 He’s slowly ticking off all the surfaces in there. Both of you find it hard to keep down your laughter during those ventures.  His bedroom, over yours. He’s always felt your room is too impersonal - it hasn’t spent long enough as yours. It’s just going to be the next exchange student’s isn’t it? Satan is all about sentimentality.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

- Particular smells are a turn on for Satan; the smell of books, the tea you drink; the moisturiser you use on your hands; the smell of the first meal you shared together; the flowers you keep in your room. It’s specific, and sometimes obscure, but you begin to understand what pushes his buttons, and you gently rub that moisturiser on your hands - slowly - some mornings at breakfast before class, catching his eye; you bring a pot of your favourite tea to the lounge while he’s reading, watching as he turns the pages slower. Satan won’t easily admit it, but he’s hugely turned on by short shorts and short skirts. He loves things being teased, while also just being covered. Entice him. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

- Don’t call him daddy when he’s the dom. It does not do it for him. Something something Lucifer issues.  -Like many demons, there’s not much he won’t do if you are okay with it. They are demons after all :3 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

- Satan loves to receive. He can run his hands through your hair, he can watch you take as much of him in as you can, and if you really want to treat him, put on some kitty ears and a tail butt plug, so he’s looking down at you on your knees dressed as such, and it’s a delight.  He’ll never shy away from giving, and sixty-nine is really fun for him since it feels more involved. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

- Satan has no shame in admitting his preference is fast and rough. It’s one of the best releases for his anger, and after admitting this to you, he tells you that sex has so often just been that - a release. Something to keep something else in check. But with you - he wants it to be different. He knows the need will always be there for that release of his wrath, but with you, he’s felt growth, and he doesn’t want to go back.  Sometimes it’s so fast and rough you ache for days after. But he always, always tends to you after. And he won’t touch you again until you are absolutely ready. You both understand how rough it can get, and he needs to make sure you know that. There’s a safe word there, and an action, when your mouth is otherwise occupied.  In honesty, it’s the best sex you’ve ever had. 

-When he’s slow and sensual though, he makes it count. It’s loving, it’s intensely intimate, and you feel like you’re being utterly adored, from head to toe.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

- Quickies are one of Satan’s favourite things. Sometimes if he’s taken over by a bout of anger, or he’s just fucking horny, he’ll grab you for a quickie at RAD, or in the nearest room in Lamentation.  He doesn’t mind who ends up taking charge. The riskier, the better.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

- Satan enjoys the risk of being caught. So doing it in risky places or scenarios he enjoys a lot. Although being someone who has experimented a lot sexually and has a lot to bring to the table, you are initially the one to suggest a lot of things first because he holds so much of himself back with you. But when he starts to open up, and relax and trust, that changes.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

-Demons of course have a lot of stamina, and Satan is no different. As long as you need to go, he can go. Sometimes though, when Satan is driven by his wrath, it feels as though he can go even longer than normal, and you gently remind him that you are still human.  He can cum a good few times in a long session. He prefers the build up and to make himself last.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

- Satan has a gorgeous and impressive collection of cock rings. From normal human ones, to magical infused Devildom ones especially for his demon shaped cock. He enjoys them for their aesthetic as much as their effect.  -Because he loves using his hands, Satan has a lot of unusual things that can be put on the fingers and inserted to increase stimulation. Or just things that he can use with his hands on you. And not always downstairs either. Stimulation for the nipples - and if you’re okay with it - temporary magical clamps and piercings for the back and spine for some foreplay. -Toys are quite a fun and integral part of your sexual relationship. Especially during foreplay. Satan enjoys the build up - more so on himself. He likes to see you succumb to as many orgasms as his hands can serve until you cannot move.  And the toys extend out to bondage play gear - with softer things for your human body like rope and ribbons, rather than magic infused demon chains......unless you want to use them, of course. He has a set of custom chains that fit his horns, hands and tail all together in a beautiful arc.  -He also has a delightful collection of gags to quieten his - and your - moans. But he especially enjoys them being used on him. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

- There is an urgency to Satan that sometimes eclipses his desire to tease. He wants, he wants and he just has to have. However, in his more calm moments, he likes to be teased. When you figure out his turn-ons, he enjoys the show you put on with them to entice him and draw him in, seeing how long he will last until you’re dragged off to the nearest room, or simply right where you are.  -However, sometimes during sex, he enjoys being teased, especially if you’re in the position of the dom, and vice versa. One of his favourite things is seeing how long it takes for you to tease out his demon form when he’s purposely holding it back.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

- Satan tries to make himself quiet - he wants to be - but he’s loud. You usually have to stuff his mouth with something - your hand, some clothing, sometimes he uses his tail. He makes quick, low, guttural noises, raw and menacing that match the demonic he often speaks during sex. Sometimes you let the gag slip, desperate to hear more of his feral, demonic sounds. They sound so unlike anything you know or have heard before, and they drive you wild. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

- Satan likes to fuck you with his tail while he reads a book, making himself simply listen to you, and feel you through the touch of his tail while his eyes, his mind, are otherwise occupied. It somehow feels....dirty to him.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

-It’s coloured and textured the same as his tail. It takes a bit of getting used to, especially since it’s really thick. On the underside, there’s a large indent, about the depth to sit your finger, and you just love running your tongue along it. And you soon find out it’s very, very sensitive. There’s no defining shaped tip like a human cock.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

- His drive is pretty high. He doesn’t mind one bit if you can’t - or don’t want to - keep up with it.  You feel sometimes that his horny is in tandem with his rage, and that he tries to keep it pushed down or locked away until it just explodes. But it’s always, always there, simmering away, needing to be tended.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

- Satan doesn’t really fall asleep quickly after. He’s so used to casual sex and leaving after, that falling asleep next to someone takes some getting used to. He also struggles a lot with insomnia, so he worries about that, and worries about you sleeping next to someone like him. It’s sometimes why he likes to be the little spoon with you, to nestle in and at least pretend he’s asleep in your arms - sometimes he hopes he can fool you, until he actually starts to fall asleep there, and it’s the best sleep of his thousands of years.

[jeonjeonggukenergy]

Anti-Hero

summary ~ in search of wine at a party that’s so not your scene, you run into jungkook, the weeb from your film class, and become determined to learn just how much he lives up to his big reputation.

pairing ~ jungkook x reader

genre ~ fluff, smut - college!au

wordcount ~ 8.5k

warnings ~ 18+ only! smut, explicit discussion of kinks/sexual preferences (yay healthy communication), dom/sub undertones during both discussion and sex (dom Jungkook, sub reader), mentions of daddy kink and degradation but both are a no, marking, biting, hair pulling, spanking, they both have a srs pain kink lmao, brief oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, creampie

a/n ~ SO excited to finally have this chapter out for yall! it’s a huge one and i’ve been working on it for quite a while, this includes the first full smut scene for this fic and i would love to know how yall like it or any other feedback. i really enjoyed writing the character development in this chapter too! they’re so cute and whipped for each other already hhhhhh. thank you so much for loving this story so far, i’m really looking forward to writing the rest. hope you enjoy! ❣️

previous: chapter 1 | chapter 2 ~ next: chapter 4 (coming soon!) 

~ read on ao3 ~

CHAPTER 3 ~ particular, perfect

You concluded your walk home by ditching your shoes at the door, swinging your bag off your shoulders to the floor, and plopping down onto the couch immediately. Pulling all three nearby blankets over yourself, you realized you still weren't quite comfortable. You looked around for a second, puzzled, until an absentminded clutch of your boobs reminded you why. Triumphantly, you reached into a sleeve to untangle your bra and chucked it across the room with a deep stretch of relief. Okay, time to overthink again.

Jungkook? What the fuck?

Wait. A bag of chips on the kitchen counter caught your eye before you could descend any further into panic. The perfect emotional crutch. You clutched it to your chest like a safeguard against your own internal monologue, anxiously shoving handful after handful into your mouth. After about thirty minutes spent motionless on the couch with one hand shoved in the chip bag and the other distractedly scrolling through Twitter, your eyes suddenly widened and your hand froze, dropping your next bite of chips back into the bag. Fuck. You had just eaten nearly an entire family-size bag of chips before what could end up being your first fuck in over a year. Well, maybe this was part of why you hadn't gotten fucked in over a year. No, don't go there. You shoved down your own insecurity, knowing you'd just been too busy for a relationship and honestly, probably still were. But that wasn't going to stop you today.

You shook the chip dust off of your hands and got up to head to the shower, turning up your trashiest throwback playlist of getting-ready bops and resolving to at least shave your legs. Going in with no expectations was probably the best strategy here, but it never hurt to be prepared.

~

Having cleaned his apartment in record time, Jungkook was now at the gym. After triple-checking that his roommate Jin would be in rehearsal until 10pm at the earliest, he quickly scanned all the common spaces and his bedroom and realized he didn't actually have that much work to do besides politely closing the door to Jin's still-decent-but-somewhat-messier room. To be honest, Jungkook had mainly bought himself the time after class so he could shave just in case. But then he figured if he had to shower, he might as well hit the gym first. So here he was, burning off an unprecedented amount of nervous energy. Settling comfortably into the leg curl machine, he turned his music up and started on a low weight to put in reps until his thighs burned and his head felt pleasantly empty.

After completing his normal leg day rotation and dutifully stretching, Jungkook prepared to head home. He walked out of the gym feeling more energized and centered, barely even flinching when he switched his AirPods off to say bye to the nice girl at the front desk and the action accidentally blasted "Whistle" by Flo Rida from his phone speaker for the whole lobby to hear. As he walked back into his apartment, the kitchen clock let him know it was only 4:30. He had plenty of time. Jungkook hopped straight into the shower, shampooing his hair, shaving everywhere he normally did, and savoring several extra moments to relax his muscles under the hot stream of water. Finally, he toweled off to wrap up in the black t-shirt and cozy matching sweatpants he'd carefully stacked on the counter. Offhandedly singing to himself in the steamy mirror, he checked the time on his phone, deciding he might as well go ahead and text you before he got nervous again and did something stupid. Like chickening out completely.

hey its jk! im ready when u are :) my apt is 344 glencoe rd #1521 (yes its on the 15th floor sry D: )

His charming old-school smileys lit up your phone while you still had a leg perched on the bathtub's edge.

"Fuck!" you reacted. The hiss resounded, thanks to the too-good acoustics of your cramped bathroom. Your razor clattering to the floor, you paused your max-volume 2000s music to check the message, and then the time. Only 5! That wasn't dinnertime yet. Plugging his address into Google Maps, though, you realized it was a 15- to 20-minute drive from yours on the opposite end of campus. Even if you got ready at light-speed, you would get there closer to 5:30. Which was a bit more reasonable. He was being reasonable! You should be ready by now!

You leaned over to pick up your razor and cursed again as the water stream grazed the blouse you'd left on out of laziness. You'd showered this morning, so there was no need to repeat that with your shave, but now you'd have to change outfits completely. Feeling like an idiot, naked from the waist down but now all the way wet, you peeled the shirt over your head slowly to preserve your good hair day and glanced down at the dilemma you'd been facing. The patch of hair between your legs stared back at you like the final boss of stupid societal beauty standards. You'd only shaved down there once, as an anniversary present for your first boyfriend the summer before college, and it had been a fun, smooth novelty for about two hours and then itchy, red, gross-looking, and miserable for about three weeks. Also, it had kind of made you feel like a little girl, which creeped you out when you thought about why guys would prefer it. You'd been debating whether to try it again for the past fifteen minutes, because if there was ever a right time, this was probably it. But now you didn't have time, if you were going to be respectful and not keep Jungkook waiting. Well, this was the real you. He could take it or leave it.

Slathering a quick coat of lotion over your freshly shaved legs, you prepared to get dressed in a soft pastel sweatshirt and a flattering pair of workout shorts. Wait, should you wear lingerie? Was that too try-hard? You didn't really even need to wear underwear with these lined shorts, which could be a cool-girl move, you supposed. You settled on a cute white sports bra to go with the shorts, not wanting to deal with a real bra and hoping it still appealed to Jungkook's casual, athletic style. You checked yourself in the mirror briefly before grabbing your bag, confirming you looked chill enough but still felt like your best color-coordinated self. Heading out, you shoved a tin of chrysanthemum green tea in your water bottle pocket. Why not?

~

You whizzed over to Jungkook's apartment, yelling along to "Sex With Me" by Rihanna from your throwback playlist to hype you up in the car. When you knocked on his door after a nerve-wrackingly long elevator ride, Jungkook welcomed you with a "C'mon in!" amidst a mouthful of shrimp chips.

"It's not really dinnertime yet," (yeah, no kidding, you thought) "I went ahead and worked out but it's still kind of early, so I figured we could just have a snack and do the homework first."

"Sounds good," you affirmed. "I'm not really that hungry," (read: there's no way I can eat chips AGAIN right now, I'm going to bloat so badly) "but I brought tea so I can go ahead and make that if you want some too!"

"Oh cool, thanks!" Jungkook accepted. "Are you sure you're not hungry though?"

You almost gave into his sweet pout, but managed to convince him, and soon you both sat at the table with laptops open and twin cups of tea. You had a blast working together for the first time, acting out your "conversation" for the discussion board and pretending to respond spontaneously to each other's points like you hadn't already excitedly rambled back and forth through them in real life. You hit "send" five minutes apart, your idea to not seem too suspicious, and kept raving over Rear Window in between. As the sun lowered outside his living room window, you moved on to making the ramen.

After three offers to help Jungkook, all of which he denied, you simply made another steep of the tea, leaving a mug on the counter for him. Standing at the bar counter sipping yours, you enjoyed all the tiny, cute noises he made while chopping green onions and sprinkling extra garlic in the seasoning, like an anime character who came with his own sound effects. You could tell he made these recipe additions every time, because bulk quantities of the same simple ingredients lined the counters of his cozy kitchen. When he beat two eggs and dropped them into the pot, though, he couldn't seem to find a lid, and eventually settled on trapping the steam with a plate. You both waited on the egg for a silent moment, your foot bouncing under the bar while Jungkook restlessly acquired a slight wiggle. As he took a sip of his tea, a strand of hair fell over his eyes, and he yeeted it out of his face. Your inner language nerd cringed, but there really was no more apt word to describe the action.

You offhandedly said you liked his hair long, and he replied with a smile, "Maybe I'll have to keep it then."

"Do you like it too?" you wondered.

"Honestly no, it's kind of inconvenient."

"Oh, then why would you keep it?" you immediately asked back.

"Well..." he dragged out. "You like it? Maybe I should keep it if it looks better this way."

Your eyes crinkled appreciatively at his thoughtfulness, but then you backtracked. "Wait, no, it's okay! If you don't like it, don't feel like you have to keep it just because of something I said. You can do whatever you want."

"Hm, yeah." A demure smile tugged up the corner of his mouth as he lifted the plate from the ramen pot.

You watched him drag a chopstick through the floating, now-cooked egg to tear it into ribbons, then divide the noodles between two generously-sized bowls. He carefully wiped down the drips of broth from each bowl before sprinkling in his fresh toppings, then walked with you to the table.

Serving you with a pleased smile and a slight nod, he announced, "Dinner!"

"Wow," you mused playfully. "So gourmet."

"I'm really particular about my ramen," he admitted. "I have it down to a perfect routine at this point."

You took your first slurp of his particular, perfect ramen. "Well, it's really good. I'm impressed. And thanks for making me dinner, you didn't have to do all that."

"Oh, come on, it's instant ramen," he laughed. "Nothing special. And you brought the tea, so thanks. And thanks for coming over. And doing the homework with me. And...yeah." Rambling again. Why did he seem so...nervous? You were nervous. He couldn't be nervous. What reason did he have to be? But the twitch of his mouth under his wide eyes, his slightly reddened ears, his hand skittering over his neck—fuck—to ruffle his hair...every action turned another page of his open book. It felt infuriatingly unfair that genetics had assigned someone so sweet and shy and unsure of himself to that fucking body.

While you both ate and talked, you kept catching glimpses of any small flashes of skin you could find, as his long sleeves fell to expose his forearms and the wide neckline of his boxy black shirt gaped around his collarbones. What was wrong with you? Even if this did eventually turn into a dick appointment, the boy still had literally all of his clothes on. You tried to refocus on finishing your noodles, while your brain screamed at itself in shame that you could get this turned on by the sight of someone covered from neck to ankle.

Jungkook ate surprisingly slowly, probably because he kept pausing to excitedly explain his favorite things about the Cowboy Bebop episode you were about to watch together. You smiled into your tea through every out-of-context fun fact and "wait, sorry, that might have been a spoiler!"

Finally, he reached the bottom of his bowl and insisted on both taking your dishes to the sink and leaving them for him to clean later. "You sure you want to start on episode 2? Not 1?"

"Yeah, I remember well enough and your summary helped a lot too!"

"Okay, if you're positive!" he double-checked, grabbing the remote.

Gingerly lowering yourselves to the couch in sync, you avoided looking at each other as you both tried to calculate a comfortable distance between you. His hand looked ready to either hold yours or lower to your thigh, but he retracted at the last second, smoothing it over his own leg anxiously and still clearly itching to make a move. You shuffled closer to him until your thighs barely touched, and he shifted to slink an arm around you, letting your head rest on his well-muscled shoulder. After pressing “play”, he began wiggling slightly again, subconsciously grooving to the old-newspaper-style intro. Spike Spiegel appeared on the screen, his broad shoulders squared into a slouch as he listlessly watched TV. Jungkook kicked one leg over another and stretched his arms out symmetrically to echo the pose. Raising an eyebrow, he waited until you acknowledged him with a faux grimace and a hand to your ear, imitating the old man in a lab who’d just called up Spike for a new mission. You both burst into laughter and settled back into your former arrangement, Jungkook holding you imperceptibly tighter. Though you tried to stay staring straight ahead, wanting to genuinely appreciate the anime, you kept catching his doe eyes in the corner of your sight as you both giggled and gasped your way through the episode.

After avoiding eye contact too many times, you finally tilted your head for a cute sideways view of his face. He leaned toward you too, shyly closing the gap to touch his warm lips to your nose, then lower. You responded immediately, rolling your body with his so your chests met as he pulled you up into a full, deeper kiss. The longer you explored each other's mouths, the more Jungkook punctuated your movements with whimpers. He seemed hesitant to let his hands roam away from your face and neck, but his high, breathy moans made it clear that he was just as into this as you. Your hands had naturally found his taut waist, and at some point you started to bring them back up to his face too—but as your short nails grazed his chest, a particularly sensual, voice-cracking moan interrupted you. You drew back in slight surprise, blinking your eyes open to scan from his face to his body.

He followed your gaze, both slowly settling on the massive tent in his pants. You froze. Your breath grew heavier, confronted with evidence of his physical attraction to you, if nothing else. After regaining his composure, he laid a useless hand over his lap in a delicate attempt to distract you and brought his other hand up to tap your face lightly.

"Is this okay?"

His eyes glittered with equal parts hunger and concern.

"Yes!" you nodded, too quickly, too eagerly. "Yes, this is totally okay. Sorry if I'm being weird, I just...it's been a while." You cringed internally at your own words, but couldn't seem to avoid putting your foot further in your mouth. "I haven't really, like, hooked up like this before—like, I've had sex, but never really outside of a relationship. But don't worry, I get this is more your thing, and I'm totally down if you are. I just don't really know what I'm doing, and you clearly do."

Jungkook blinked at your admission, then his face twisted into something curious, inscrutable. Would he decide you weren't worth the potential for drama? His lips flattened out to a tight line, then pursed to speak, and you looked down at your lap, hoping he wasn't as embarrassed of you as you now were of yourself.

"Well, I've never had sex sober."

Your eyes flashed back up to his. A complex half-smirk offset the furrow in his brow as he exhaled in nervous relief. "So, I don't actually know what I'm doing here either."

You tried to delay your response as you processed the implications. "You mean..." You tilted your head for better eye contact, hoping to convey empathy but not pity while you silently contemplated how to proceed. "Never?"

"Yeah, I've always shown up to parties and the hookups just...happened. Nothing I didn't want, nothing bad like that, but always spontaneous. So I guess we're kind of meeting in the middle, because I've never really had to plan ahead for a situation like this and, uh, figure out what I want. Beyond, yknow, wanting to get laid in the moment, of course." Jungkook laughed off the end of his explanation, but the smile never quite hit his eyes.

"Well, okay, let's pause right there." You sighed. Something in his words didn't sit right with you. "What do you want? I want you to be sure about this, of course, but more than that, even—what do you like?"

"I..." he chuckled, sheepish, shaking his hair over his face again. "What, you want me to just tell you? Like, what I'm into?"

"Yeah," you shrugged, trying to project more confidence than you felt in hopes of encouraging him to keep opening up. "I want you to be able to communicate, I want you to be comfortable. And I want to know what you like, so I can make it as good for you as possible."

With your hands still laid flat on his chest, you felt his heart rate jump a tiny bit, and took the liberty of digging your nails in just slightly deeper. His breath caught him, and then he caught himself. "I don't know, I just want what you want."

Jungkook struggled to appear nonchalant as you rolled your eyes with an "Oh, come on," challenging his avoidance. Every instinct was telling him yes. He could hear his mind screaming at him to be intentional for once and let you take him, if not farther, then deeper than ever before. But he still hesitated, because being intentional in this case required him to be real. He had always been a fairly private person, but something about you made him feel so comfortable so fast that it counterintuitively made him more nervous. Of course Jungkook knew you weren't all innocent at this point, but the risk remained that you wouldn't really be down for everything he secretly wanted to explore. Even worse, though he didn't truly think you would, you could easily turn around and spin anything he revealed into yet another graphic rumor. Especially since you had no skin in the game yourself. He glanced down at your fingers, tensed into his chest, and narrowed his eyes.

"Why don't you tell me what you like first? And then I can tell you where we overlap," he grinned competitively. Your eyes widened as he tossed the challenge back your way. Not backing down, you flattened your hands and steeled yourself to settle the stakes.

"Fine—but only if you promise not to just go along with whatever I say. I'll let you know anything that's a hard no for me, but otherwise I want to hear at least one thing that's not on my list. I really do want what you want, that's how I am too, okay? So..." you paused to slide your fingertips over his collar and drag it down with a light scratch, now directly on his skin. You smiled with your eyes, enjoying the way he naturally responded with a hitch of his breath again. "Surely you can think of something specific."

He nodded quickly, before he could convince himself to back out. "Yeah. Promise."

"Okay," you confirmed, slightly nervous but determined to go through with this, for Jungkook's sake if anything. Seeing his body come alive with each new twist of the situation was building your curiosity, not to mention turning you on beyond belief. You could barely stand the warmth of his skin under your hands, so you drew them back to fold in your lap as you began. "So. Uh. To start. I've never really laid it all out like this either. I really like neck kisses? Like, a lot." Equally unused to this kind of directness, you wrung your hands together nervously, but sucked up the boldness to keep elaborating. "That's definitely, like, a big thing that turns me on...and then getting marked up and everything is really hot to me too. Like you can honestly go really rough with me on that, bite me even. I don't know if this is weird but even though it's annoying to cover up, I love taking off the makeup at the end of the day and seeing all the bruises on myself. Knowing I was walking around all day with that as my little secret." You swallowed shyly before continuing, but Jungkook interrupted the brief silence immediately with a hushed "Fuck."

You turned to face him fully and he didn't even move to meet your stare, eyeing the space above your sweatshirt's wide neckline like he was ready to devour you. Emboldened, your smile grew.

"So...yeah. I like being bitten, marked up. Mostly, uh," you rubbed a slightly trembling hand over your shoulder, "I'm just really into pain in general. Obviously not the bad 'I'm too dry and you're jackhammering me' kind of pain, or like, anal. Anal is a hard no. But things like biting, or hair pulling, or overstimulation. Or, like—I don't really know how to explain this, but...getting held too hard? That deep pain like when you get a massage when you're sore and it hurts but it's good, yknow?"

Jungkook looked like he was about to vibrate out of his skin, breathing shallow and rapid. His eyes flicked up to meet yours, just in time for you to whisper in conclusion:

"I love that feeling."

You suddenly looked away, reticent. A thick silence swelled between you, until he composed himself enough to punctuate it. "Okay. Yeah. Pain. So like, BDSM?"

"I mean, kind of? Sure? I don't have much experience with that and I don't really need the whole power dynamic aspect; I just like the, uh, physical pain. I wouldn't be opposed to trying further, but one thing I do know is I really don't like being degraded. And I'm not into the whole daddy kink thing either. I'm just not gonna call you that, sorry," you laughed, and fortunately he giggled too. "But I know that's not, like, necessary to the rest of BDSM, and the part about giving up control is still...interesting, for sure."

"Wait," Jungkook cocked his head, making a mental note of your last sentence before he went back to the previous one. "What do you mean, being degraded?"

You half-chuckled, half-cringed, never having needed to explain something like this, especially to a guy you hopefully were about to fuck. Cheers to better communication, you supposed.

"You know, how some people when they do dirty talk are like 'yeah, you little slut, you're such a whore.' I don't like being called any of that. Like it's fine that other people like it, there's nothing wrong with that, it's just really uncomfortable for me."

His brows knit together as you explained, and he shook his head so fast it almost looked cartoonish, like a little kid refusing vegetables. "Yeah, no. Don't worry, not really my thing either."

You sighed in relief. "That's nice. I feel like it's, like, weirdly common with guys. Maybe just the kind of thing people learn from porn."

"But you still like it rough, huh? Did you learn that...from porn?" he half-joked, trying to overcome both his shyness and his gritted-teeth arousal.

"No, I don’t like porn. Most of it’s really unethical. I learned from experience," you sassed back. "I don't have a whole lot, but enough to know what I like."

"Well. Hm." He worked his tongue over his teeth, poking one cheek out over his tensed jaw. You couldn't get enough of watching him grow fascinated by your every revelation, and you were preparing to keep pressing further when he beat you to it, posing a question. "Is there anything you haven't tried before, but really want to?"

Your face heated up instantly, tasting your own medicine. You looked back to your hands, breaking his intense eye contact to give yourself the courage to be even more uncomfortably honest. "I...I...um." Your first attempt at disclosing your fantasy came out as a squeak. Swallowing, you set your shoulders and tried again, selfishly reminding yourself Jungkook seemed so eager to please that this was 99% likely to get you exactly what you wanted. "I've always been, uh, really into the idea of, um, getting spanked. I've been, uh, too nervous to ever bring it up, before now obviously, but it's definitely one of the biggest kinks I've always wanted to try. Maybe being tied up too, I think I'd like it if I tried but I haven't thought about that as much. But, yeah...spanking, definitely."

"Fuuuuuuuuck."

A lengthened version of Jungkook's earlier under-breath exclamation made you peer up at him. Your thighs already pressed together from the tension of admitting something totally new, you found yourself needing even more friction just from the sight of Jungkook with his head thrown back on the couch, a veiny hand threaded in his hair to pull the long waves back from his forehead. The full reveal of his sharp eyebrows brought a whole new level of intensity to Jungkook's already beautifully carved features. He glanced over at you, then squeezed his eyes shut with a terse exhale. You couldn't place why, but you felt a deep attraction to the way he expertly restrained himself from acting on the lust written over his face—not under your control, but his own.

"Oh, fuck. What the fuck. How the fuck would you fucking know," he swore more in a single burst than he cumulatively had ever in your presence.

"What?" you toyed, heart rate still high but relaxed enough to enjoy agitating him. "Something ring a bell?"

Jungkook shuddered out a long breath, hand ruffling his hair as his other forearm still tried desperately to subdue his boner.

"Everything," he hissed, more willing to elaborate now that you had done the same, and especially now that he could tell you really did enjoy him being more assertive. "Shit. I...I want...I know you said not to just say this but I really do want everything you want. I can't wait to mark you up. I can't wait to hold you down and bruise your neck. I want it all, I want to make you hurt so good. And then—" Breathless. He looked almost embarrassed. "Then you had to go and somehow guess basically my biggest fucking kink, I can't fucking believe you." Both hands had come up to seize his long locks as he held himself back physically, while finally letting his guard down mentally to declare everything he intended to do to you. Letting out a short laugh, he finally met your eyes. "I wanna spank your ass bright red. Fuck. This is crazy. You're perfect."

Your core throbbed at every bold word. Leaning in close to him, you let your lips approach Jungkook's beautifully sculpted jawline as he panted, his chin tossed up to fully expose his neck. You stopped just short of his skin, in awe of how much you'd been able to work him up and still so tempted to take it to the next level. "Fuck," you echoed. "This is so hot," you murmured almost to yourself. Your eyes closing along with his, you dealt the final blow. "I love that we have so much in common. But come on, you promised. One thing that's not on my list."

Jungkook whined. You could tell he needed to touch you so badly, and no one was stopping him but himself. He had no way of knowing that if he cut the whole discussion and just took you, you wouldn't even try to resist at this point. Staring at his trembling mouth from below, you quickly averted your eyes when he opened his, pretending you hadn't been looking. He inhaled a short hiss, and then spoke.

"Okay..." He paused after just the first word, blowing air through the tiny "o" of his mouth as his eyes bugged slightly from nervousness. He couldn't resist a challenge, though, and his urge to please you overwhelmed his reluctance to peel back one more layer. "So, the pain thing. I think we, uh, feel the same about me giving and you receiving. But...I'm really into it for myself too. I don't know if you'd be comfortable with it, I know you maybe want me to be more dominant and I think I like that more too in general, but you can be as rough with me as you want back. I'd love that." Eyes still open but fluttering, Jungkook's tone grew breathier, heady as he confessed. You almost giggled at how bashfully he worded his desire to dominate you, to rough each other up, but the contrast was so hot you couldn't help sucking your bottom lip between your teeth, eager for him to continue. His voice lowered. "I love being scratched, marked, bitten...hit me, push me back, any kind of pain or any way you can hurt me, I want it." He shivered, but his voice firmed up even further. "I want it so bad."

You fought to stay motionless beside him, unable to even process how much more his honesty had turned you on. You felt helpless in your desire for him, your craving to give him everything he wanted and more. He noticed your charged stillness and shifted toward you, removing a hand from his hair to finally reach for your face. Threading his fingers through your hair instinctively like he had with his own, he tilted your head back to access your neck. Jungkook finally felt confident enough to tease you back as he skimmed his lips over your pulse point, tugging your skin between his teeth for a gentle first taste and grinning when you moaned. Seeing someone so satisfied, for reasons better than just his body or their pride, brought the most incredible rush of blood to his head. And his other head.

"And I get why you want it too," he finished with a whisper in your ear. "So trust me when I say I really, really want to give it to you."

In an instant, your hands yanked his hair down to bring his face up to yours, mouths crashing together. Feverish, restless, you kissed him, hastily attempting to straddle his thick thighs before he threw his body over yours and pinned you to the back of the couch. His hands wandered, intrepid, from your waist to a quick squeeze of your breasts before he spiraled you into his strong arms. Pressing your chest flush with his as your mouths meshed, he ground his hips into you shamelessly, enjoying the way you struggled beneath him to align your core with his rock-hard dick.

"Your room?" You rushed out the words.

Jungkook laughed a little, his tone half whine and half dare. "So we're done talking?"

"Come on," you pleaded back. He finally relented, pulling you up with him and dragging you across the living room and through his door, lips not leaving yours for a second. You backed him into the bed with your arms against his strong chest, and once he was sitting perched on the edge, you laid yourself horizontally over his thighs.

"What are you doing?" he murmured, curling a hand over the dip of your waist to hold you gently.

You angled your head back to make unsteady eye contact with him, flipping your shorts down boldly. His free hand automatically reached to slowly conform to the shape of your ass, so eager to touch you but tentative as he grazed your curves.

"Giving you exactly what you want."

"Fuck. Really? You're sure about this?" Jungkook held careful eye contact as you brought your arms back up, crossing your wrists over your head delicately. You nodded slightly and did your best to meet his gaze with confident invitation, convincing him how much you trusted and wanted him.

He smoothed his warm hand over your ass one more time, then brought it up and watched your thighs tighten at the loss of his touch. Breathing in, still a little shakily, he brought his hand down on your right cheek with a loud but mild smack. A grunt of satisfaction involuntarily left him when he saw your face flinch down into the sheets, subduing a small noise of surprise. He returned his hand to caress the light redness he'd left, checking in with you again. "Is this okay? Let me know if I should stop."

You replied with your face still tucked between your arms, muffled by the bed. "More than okay. Please don't stop."

He spanked you again, moving to your left cheek. This time you felt his dick twitch under you and couldn't help grinding down on him a little bit. "Is that as hard as you can go?" you taunted in low tones, brave enough to egg him on but not quite enough to meet his eyes again.

Jungkook's thighs and core tensed under you, and he squeezed his fingertips tighter, digging into the skin of your ass. "Not at all," he said simply.

Deep breath. A few seconds passed, and his hand came down, harshly. You cried out in shock, the timing unexpected and the sting far sharper, and he gave your other cheek a fourth hard smack before you could even process the third one. "Harder?" he tested. "Tell me."

Another spank. "Mmmf."

"You like this, huh?"

"Yes, I told you," you whimpered back, half-teasing even though you were in no position to do so. Immediately, he cut you off with a stinging hit across both cheeks, and you moaned.

"You really do," he breathed lowly. "Fuck yeah. Take it then."

He spanked you again, and again, then paused, tugging down your shorts all the way to your ankles to expose the crease right above your thighs. Rubbing your already sore bottom, Jungkook cupped the underside of its curve in his big, firm hand. Already anticipating your whine, he drew back his touch and hummed in harmony with you. He continued landing satisfyingly hard smacks, alternating to cover your ass evenly. His dick strained through his pants more and more each time you trembled under his touch. Never hitting you hard enough to do serious damage, he still clearly enjoyed his thorough reddening of your ass, and occasionally took a moment just to caress your skin as it warmed from the spanking. The pain lit your senses up from head to toe. Face burning with deep arousal, you mentally thanked yourself for going out of your comfort zone and unprecedentedly admitting your kinks before even venturing into your first time together. Amidst the thrilling sting of his hand meeting your soft curves, Jungkook eventually noticed your thighs clenching together, craving friction but not really wanting relief from the pleasurable burn.

"You're wet," he marveled, sliding two warm fingers up and down your slit.

"Mhm," you mumbled back as you tilted your hips into his hand. He gave you a light slap right on the folds between your legs, eliciting another soft moan.

"So good for me," Jungkook said softly, pulling you up into his lap by your waist. "You look so pretty like this. I wanna see all of you." He tugged your sweatshirt over your head, followed by your sports bra, thankful that it stretched over your head easily. Suddenly grinning, he wound up and shot it across the room like a rubber band, and you smacked his arm, giggling.

"What was that? You cheeseball," you teased, and he blinked, chuckling lightly back. It occurred to him that he'd never laughed, or made someone laugh, during sex before.

"It was so stretchy! Don't make fun of me," he blushed.

"You're so cute," you said, fingers sliding under his t-shirt hem.

"Cute?" His eyebrows rose in mock disbelief, and he reached around to land another hit to your still-red asscheek.

"Hot," you amended. Raising his shirt and finally getting a full glimpse of his enviable abs, you groaned. "You're extremely hot, and also really cute, and it's kind of ridiculous and I don't really know how to handle all of it at once."

His face scrunching up into a smile at the praise, he fell back onto the bed with his arms behind his head. "You are too, you know. Really cute, of course. But really hot too." As you discarded his shirt and moved on to easing his sweatpants down his hips, you held in a gasp as his erection sprung up from the waistband. He was big, thick, and painfully hard, his tip glistening warm with precum and a lone vein running prominently up his smooth shaft. Although you wouldn't be corroborating them, you had to admit to yourself that all the rumors were true. You instinctively curled a hand around it, barely covering half his length, and he winced at your slightest touch. Pulling off with a single slow stroke, you slid his sweatpants and briefs all the way to the floor and then stood, looking up from his legs to his blown-out eyes to take in the glorious sight of his fully naked body.

"You shave," you said, surprised by the clean skin under his arms and between his legs.

"Yeah," he demurred, self-conscious for some reason. He lowered his arms to fold them over his torso, somehow defining his biceps even more. "I'm on the dance team, and it's nice to feel all smooth for practice and stuff. I don't know, I just like it."

"Oh, that's cool! No worries, I like it too. And you don't mind that..." You looked down at yourself, still just standing naked in front of him. "...I don't? Like, down there at least."

"No, you do you!" he said quickly. With a shy smile, he admitted, "I actually kind of like it on you. I do this for me, anyway, not for anyone else," he playfully noted. Slowly, he was sitting up to take hold of your waist and lower you down to the bed with him. Pausing to kiss the sweet spot under your jaw, he continued. "So don't feel like you have to do anything, or not do anything, either."

Jungkook couldn't quite explain the nature of how his attraction to you had developed. Seeing how open and honest you were with him made it easy for him to be honest with you too, and just to feel comfortable being himself. He admired the way he could still tell you sometimes got nervous like him, but it didn’t stop you from getting real or going bolder. Unable to fully express it in words, he just hoped to ensure you felt as comfortable and respected around him as he did around you. He already knew that he wanted this to be more than just a one-time thing, and while he still hesitated to assume that you felt the same, he intended to leave no doubt by the end of the night.

You moaned as he nipped at the skin of your neck. It was so easy to get swept back up in Jungkook. You could barely handle the friction of his dick rutting against your wet folds from below, craving him inside you. "Ughhh. Wait, one more thing. I'm on the pill, are you clean?"

"Yes," he gasped, barely removing his mouth from your jaw. "Are you?"

"Yeah, so we don't need a condom. If that's cool with you!"

"Yeah! But, you're ready?" He seemed surprised.

"Aren't you?" you whined, beyond holding back. He felt so unbearably hard that his coherence and willpower kind of surprised you too. "Please, I want you so bad."

To your surprise, he lowered his head to the crest of your legs, dotting wet kisses down your torso. Keeping his big brown eyes on you, he teased your entrance with a finger and echoed your immediate groan at the welcome stretch.

"You really are ready," he remarked, awed at the ease with which your wetness sucked the digit in. Frankly, you were in awe as well. It had taken your ex-boyfriend months to figure out how to get you this worked up. Jungkook either had even more experience than you'd heard from the grapevine, or he was a natural. Or maybe you were just really, ridiculously, primally attracted to him. He went on to curve his finger in you and lick a messy swipe up your folds, sucking hard once he reached your sensitive clit. You cried out at the delicious burst of stimulation and he rose up to catch your lips with his.

"I had to do that, just once," he grinned breathlessly. "But—"

"Let me suck you off," you interjected, unbelievably fucking turned on and dying to please him.

"No," he gasped with far more fervency than you'd think anyone could refuse a blowjob. "Please, I was about to say—" he choked out a high-pitched moan as you ran a single finger up his shaft in anticipation, sinking the nails of your other hand into his thigh. "—I think I'm gonna explode if I don't get inside you right this second."

So he did have a breaking point. "Fuck," you muttered, bringing your legs around his to tuck your heels under his tight ass as he lined up. He eased his tip in, keeping heavy eyes on you the whole time, and you could feel the hot, thick tension in his thighs as he struggled to hold himself back from just thrusting into your heat. Slowly, he drew closer into you until he bottomed out with a low moan. You whined at the perfect slight pain of the stretch, and Jungkook squeezed his eyes shut, gripping you by your waist. Watching the veins in his forearms stand out as he drove almost all the way out and back into you, you rocked your hips carefully against his with each smooth stroke, getting used to his fullness. When his balls met your ass again, he shuddered a bit and opened his eyes into yours.

You answered his question before he could even ask it. "Jungkook—you feel so good. You can go faster, it's okay."

A smile hit his eyes before his mouth, and he kissed you once, pressing his chest to yours and intertwining your tongues eagerly. You bit his bottom lip as he slowly drew away, tugging it between your teeth to pull a sweet little whimper from his throat. Grinning, he leaned back in to touch his forehead to yours and simultaneously slid a subtle hand under your ass to curve your hips up with his. The slight leftover sensitivity of your skin amplified his light touch, and Jungkook seemed to realize this, curling his fingers to tease you with the tips of his nails. Instinctively, you ducked to bite his neck, not even registering your move to pass the pain back to him until he choked out a beautifully half-restrained moan and snapped his hips into yours. Gasping, you encouraged him to lose himself in you, dragging your lips up to latch around his earlobe. He hissed and thrust into you sharply again, meeting the time of your movements as you swirled your tongue between each of his hoop earrings. Soon he was pounding you rhythmically, finally letting you feel the full force of his strength but keeping remarkable control over both his body and yours. Both of you had gone silent except for your heavy breaths, lost in the moment, but the flexed shivers of his thighs and twitches of his fingers in your hair told you all you needed to know. Suddenly yanking your strands to pull you back from the additional bruise you'd sucked beneath his ear, he earned a new set of scratches on his back as your hands dragged down the muscular expanse in reply. Jungkook switched places with you to draw dark clouds from your skin, a storm brewing under your jaw. Your face fell into pure bliss, eyes shut and immersed in the barrage of sensation from his hands, mouth, and big dick filling you. Already feeling the familiar tension that preceded an orgasm building through your whole body, you chased him closer to his climax too, grinding back roughly into every thrust and raking your hands over every part of his firm body you could reach.

You had really been fooling yourself when you thought you could try something casual for once. You wanted more of Jungkook, all of Jungkook, nothing but Jungkook ever again. Knowing he'd never even gone back to the same hookup twice sank slight anxiety into your stomach, a kind of future nostalgia for this moment you already feared losing. You knew you weren't anything special compared to the catalogue of gorgeous girls he'd had his turn with, but a deviant voice whispered from the back of your mind that you could be, because it was clear none had bothered to learn him like this. You'd still try your desperate best not to want too much from him, but you resolved to do whatever you could to make him crave more.

Rolling your hips in a smooth circle against him, you clenched around his dick and your hands tightened their fierce hold on his tiny waist. You felt his abs tense within your grasp as he tried not to stutter into you.

"Fuck. No." His voice cracked, but held an undertone of ferocity. "You come first." Jungkook rushed a hand to your clit, adding pressure in small, deft motions with a fingertip as he kept fucking you deep. You sank your teeth into his shoulder in response, drawing your hands up his back to clutch him closer to you, and Jungkook cried out. You left your mouth on his golden skin to stifle your moans as he sped up his fingers, and he tried to let you stay there but eventually couldn't help pulling you off him to see your face. Eyes narrowed and eyebrows turning up sharp at the ends, he watched you like a hawk to track the exact moment when he pushed you over the edge. Your face crumpled and you felt your whole body burn under his gaze as you came, squeezing around him in waves of pleasure while he fucked you through your high, unrelenting. Drinking up the bliss obvious on your features, Jungkook's eyes never left yours and his expression grew more and more fucked out. You marveled at how even as you lost control and energy to fuck him back, your body freezing in orgasm seemed to turn him on further. One last pulse of the tension leaving your core made his dick throb inside you, and you impulsively broke your eye contact to lean in and bite down slow but hard on his neck again. He gasped.

"You're amazing." Murmuring into his skin, you kissed the bite marks gently. Jungkook whimpered at the sweet contradiction and lurched into your hips even harder. You recovered to move with him, squeezing him deeper into you every time he bottomed out, and as his breathless moans escalated in pitch, his whole body shivered with each stroke. Pressing wet, heavy kisses all over his neck, you felt his jaw flutter while his lips hung open. His considerable strength spent, Jungkook shuddered one last hard thrust into you and finally let go, coating your walls from within. His hips lightly rocked against yours as he stayed deep inside you, still hard and savoring the euphoric release he'd held back for so long. You felt so incredibly warm and comfortable around his sensitive dick, relaxed but still holding him tight, and he couldn't help holding you up for a languid kiss before pulling out of you smoothly.

He briefly looked into your eyes, and you saw stars. The sun had continued to set outside, and it peeked between the blinds of his window to wrap you both in a warm, slivered glow. Staring down at his hands on your body, Jungkook took a deep breath and collapsed to your side, holding you close. You settled into him, cupping a hand over his head on your chest. With your fingers laced through his sweaty hair, you stroked his temple with your thumb, worrying for a second whether the gesture seemed too intimate but forgetting your fear when he snuggled up into your touch. You felt the need to say something, to figure out what the fuck was next after this, but stayed silent, not wanting to disturb the comforting weight of his frame. Heartbeat still racing, Jungkook stretched out to breathe a long sigh. As he sank back into you, you stretched under him too, letting his solid, warm body drape over you like a blanket. This couldn't be farther from what you'd expected with him, but you weren't about to make it stop. Surely, eventually, he would.

A minute passed. And then five. And then, before either of you could talk yourselves out of it, you were asleep, intertwined.

[alottamoney]

In The Soop

The episode begins with Tae by a tarp, arranging bowls next to a fire, the scene cuts to Jimin telling Jungkook, who is wearing his boxing hand wraps, that he hears water leaking in the floating house. Jungkook walks outside rather leisurely asking what he should do, Jimin tells him that he should take his belongings out of the house, and leads Jungkook to where Tae is sitting. Jungkook takes a seat right away, no questions asked. Jimin and Tae shake hands, and Tae thanks Jimin for finding this place(?), Jungkook has apparently caught on, “Of course, why would there be a leak?” (okay). Jimin skips off to the side but comes back to tell Tae that he didn’t have an excuse, so he told Jungkook that there was a leak in the floating house, “I was shocked” Jungkook says (I wouldn't have guessed). Jimin tells Jungkook he can keep the hand wrap on since he worked hard on them. Tae informs Jimin that he can leave, Jimin throws a ball at him, Tae thanks him again. Jin walks up to inspect and asks if it is date night, and then leaves with Jimin. Jungkook asks what the occasion is, Tae explains that he couldn’t grab a drink with Jungkook the last time Jungkook asked him, that he couldn't have a "proper" drink with Jungkook, and he was taking this opportunity to do so. Jungkook says that even when they were trainees they got scolded together (that seems like an abrupt change in topic, unless they are talking about being scolded for drinking as trainees, in which case, should they be putting this information out?). Tae agrees that they were partners in crime. The scene cuts to Jungkook's monologue where he says Tae was the easiest person to talk to, but as they spent time on their own that there was a side of things that started to feel a bit awkward with Tae; "They started to feel distant" the captions helpfully fill in the gaps. Jungkook continues, "Tae used to joke around all the time but he's more reserved now." that when Tae approached him they sorted a lot of it out (I assume he's talking about the same conversation). He also adds that he had a heart-to-heart with everyone else but Tae, that he's glad that Tae planned this and after the conversation, it felt like some things had gone back to the way it used to be, even if it isn't exactly the same as it was when they were younger (the captions have nothing to add here). 

They cut back to the original conversation. Jungkook (caption: carefully) admits that a huge part of him changed because of Tae, Tae says they had many similarities, Jungkook agrees. Tae recollects the time, when they were trainees, (he briefly looks at the camera) when he asked Jungkook to just speak casually to him, that he rather be friends. Jungkook told him at the time, that he spoke formally to everyone older than him, Jungkook looks contemplative as he says this. It's the right thing to do as it prevents relationships from being ruined, he claims, captions give tacit approval to upholding age hierarchy. Jungkook says they would've fought a lot otherwise, Tae insists that as much as they fought they would've also hung out a lot, but Jungkook says that's what he chose (I'm a little confused now as to when "the distance" in their relationship happened). Camera pans out to Jin and Jimin playing in the foreground, the other cameras to the side of where Tae and Jungkook are sitting also visible now (they should’ve planned that out better). Jin apologizes for interrupting them as he collects the baseball, the captions tell us that, “The younger members are embarrassed when the others approach.” Jungkook asks Tae what's on his mind these days. Tae tells him that he doubted if he was someone worthy of love (from the fans). Jungkook tells him that it must've been the same for all members. Tae says that's the reason he went on weverse so often (the captions tell us that weverse is the only way to communicate with ARMY!) but that he felt empty afterwards. Jungkook says he personally thinks Tae is doing well these days. Jin and Jimin’s shouts can be heard from where they’re playing. Jungkook says that he's using this time to better himself and doing something like that might help Tae as well. They toast to “The people who love us!”, the captions pronounce them, “Close friends who share each other’s problems”. It is implied that they talk more but none of it interesting enough for airtime, and then they walk off as jazz music plays.

Before addressing the conversation itself I'd like to focus on what the fandom took away from this conversation about Taekook's relationship, after this episode aired there were many fans almost mourning Taekook's friendship, about how they hadn't realized that Taekook drifted apart and so on, then there were others who decided to send their condolences to Taekookers, to tell them to mend their ways seeing as this somehow confirms that Taekook were not even friends much less anything else, that Taekookers are the reason they became awkward. There are many ships in Kpop, some with their most notable interaction being that they made eye contact for 0.2 seconds across a crowded stage, and some where the idols being shipped do suggestive fanservice with each other because that’s part of the job, but none of those idols seem to define their personal relationships according to how shippers view them, what makes Taekook so special? Did they not read the fine print of their contract? That can't be it, because both Jungkook and Tae seem fine engaging in fanservice with other members of their group, we can debate this, but that's for another time, let's move on.

The other unanimously drawn inference is that, this is why Taekook have not been seen together for a few years, since 2017 (this is not exactly new, but an already pre-existing narrative). Again, why would that be the reason? Does the company they work for seem to care that much for the comfort of their staff that they'd allow two members to not appear together, especially when they are always selling BTS as One Big Happy Family? Are we also to believe that they had the said members sort out their "problems" in this very public fashion, giving conspiracy theories in the fandom legitimacy because I can't stress this enough: "Taekook drifted apart" is a fandom narrative, or was, until this talk. I doubt the general public, whom the show also targeted, knew or cared much about this before, or after if I'm being completely honest.

Now, on to the controversial part: Was this scripted? Well, Yes. It's common sense. All TV shows, including reality shows, are scripted and it shouldn't come as a surprise when BH tightly monitors even their vlives. If you're still not convinced, notice how Jungkook immediately takes a seat when he is lead by Jimin to the tarp, he doesn't ask what's happening, doesn't seem reluctant, doesn't assume it's a group activity or ask Jimin why he isn't joining them, I assume these are questions one has if they have no idea what is going on. Also, you can see the other cameras and staff when they zoom out; I know that's an obvious one, "Of course they filmed it, how else would we see it?", but it's easy to forget these things. The camera crew isn’t aimlessly waiting around hoping something interesting will happen, that would be a waste of resources. At least we can admit that this was as spontaneous as any YouTuber’s vlog.

If you focus on the content of the conversation, Tae and Jungkook themselves don’t say anything specific, they talk about “when they were trainees” with one anecdote. Even as Jungkook talks about their relationship he says "a side of things became awkward" which side is up for interpretation, and the editor interprets it as "They started to feel distant". "Awkward" is also thrown around a lot, this is definitely part of the script, because editors can't read minds either, and I doubt they were privy to Tae and Jungkook's relationship (when they were trainees).

If we remove the fandom's strange response to anything Taekook, the conversation is pretty generic, "love for ARMYs", "working on oneself" are things BTS keep recycling in all their content, not saying there’s no truth to them, just that they fall back on that a lot. They don't go into enough depth or spend much time on Taekook here for someone who has no context to be moved, but for some reason the fandom decided that this is the whole, defining truth of Taekook's relationship, and ignore the part where even the captions say that Tae and Jungkook are “close friends”.

Do I think it's all one big misunderstanding? No, I do think the company was trying to make a statement about their relationship, only to those who are watching carefully of course, and in a fandom as big as this, observers are many. Without getting too deep into conspiracy theories the reason I think so is that: a) This segment was advertised, even by many big accounts on Twitter, that are considered affiliated to the company, when usually they specifically ignore Taekook (which should've been a warning sign, really), but the segment itself lasted only the first 8 minutes of the episode, they never bring this up again, if you’re going to show two members falling out and sacrifice the family narrative, why not milk it for what it's worth? b) I can’t help but compare this to the Taekook vlive of May 2020, both happened within the span of a month. It feels like we’re watching two sets of people, the Taekook who were struggling to keep up a conversation in the vlive, and the Taekook who  confidently talk about their “problems” in ITS. Sure, they are in different settings, but vlives are, in my opinion, the closest we get to the “truth”. Why not talk about their friendship in that vlive instead of wasting time making carnations? alternatively, were they out of craft ideas that they thought they should do a vague heart-to-heart that would never be mentioned again, even though it healed a friendship that had been broken for years? c) Taekook themselves don't act like two awkward, distant friends before or after the talk.

A few examples from In The Soop itself:

I think there are two ways to approach this: Take it at face value that Tae and Jungkook resolved their issues with one conversation, and that things are almost back to how they were when they were trainees, or you can take this as a serious confession to fans about their fractured relationship, but then you'll have to consider why they would even address that in such a frivolous manner. I for one don't take this as insurmountable evidence of Tae and Jungkook being only distant co-workers now, they never said that, that's just what people took from it because that's what they decided beforehand, but the original material did play a part in leading them to that conclusion. What do you think was the purpose of this conversation?  

[ficsforeren]

The Last Song - Chapter 8

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Eren Jaeger X Female Reader

Genre: Rockstar AU, Friends with Benefits, Angst, Smut, Fluff, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn

Series Summary: Eren Jaeger has two personas, a charismatic lead vocal who has lost himself in fame, and a boy who struggles with depression, seeking for someone to bring him back to where he was twelve years ago. Where he only knew love in the form of your name.

Chapter Summary: Eren goes away for a month and it's making you realize just how hard it is to spend a night alone in your apartment without having him by your side.

Content Warnings: explicit sex (cunnilingus, blow job, fingering, hand job, car sex, dry humping, drunk sex, public sex, unprotected sex, one night stand, choking, treating women like objects, dub-con, corruption, face-sitting, sex toys, daddy kink, praise kink, slight degradation, etc), substance abuse (use of drugs, alcohol, tobacco), severe abandonment issues, childhood trauma, anxiety attacks, depression, adultery, physical abuse towards men and women, family issues, abusive parents, crude words, dark humor, mention of sexual assault/rape, harassment, car accident and child abuse.

Poster art by the most talented @rainbuniart (follow her on Twitter)

“So, when will you be back?” You question the twenty-five years old singer as you accompany him to your front door. An hour has passed since the sun rose above the horizon, casting soft light into your apartment. With narrowed eyes, you try to adjust to the light, a bit blinded by it after spending hours in the darkness of your bedroom where you cuddled close to his chest, basking in his warmth.

Eren drags his suitcase behind him, lips separating in a yawn. The scent of rosemary travels free from his tied-up hair now that you two are sharing the same shampoo. Dressed casually in a black tee, Eren hangs his wayfarer sunglasses on his shirt; his dark skinny jeans tucked into his combat boots. “In a month,” he answers as he slips into his usual leather jacket.

“A month without you,” you coo, teasing him with your voice still a bit raspy from sleep. “How will I be able to survive?”

“You won’t,” he chuckles, ruffling your hair once before he snatches his phone from the counter. “But I’ll only be a call away. So, if you ever feel horny—”

“Yeah, yeah, just go.” Ignoring how adorable his laughter sounds in your ear, you spin him around and push him forward with both hands. “Do you have all that you need?”

“Yeah.”

“Your passport? Your wallet?” You stand between the doorframes of your entrance door, with him turning around to face you. “Your AirPods?”

“Yeeeeessss,” he drawls out the word, playfully rolling his eyes at you. “Babe, you’re acting like a wife.”

It’s nothing but a joke. A simple, harmless joke. He didn’t mean anything by it, so why are you blushing? No, why is he blushing?

“I—I mean—” he stammers, noticing how you look away, flustered.

“It’s okay.” You wave a hand before he can finish correcting himself. Now that you’re turning sheepish, you can’t seem to pay a glance at his viridian eyes, no matter how much you want to see their beauty. “Well, uh, text me when you land?”

“Umm, yeah…” He unconsciously mimics your action, his gaze averted with his index finger reaching up to scratch his reddening cheek. “So, I guess this is goodbye for now?”

You brave yourself enough to smile at him. It’s awkward but it’ll manage. “Goodbye, Eren. Have a safe flight.”

“Thanks.” There’s a pause where you both start panicking a little inside, conflicted between choosing to give each other a hug, a kiss on the cheek, or just leave it at that. Eren curses internally, regretting how he ran his mouth without filtering his words. Feeling like he’s running out of oxygen, he decides to bend down to match your height and settle for a brief hug. “I’ll see you soon.”

Stiffly, you shroud his shoulders with your arms. “Yeah.”

He pulls away before his body heat can seep through your skin, granting you one last smile before he makes his way down the hallway.

You wait and you wait with bated breath, silently hoping that he would turn his head around to see you one more time before he swerves and disappears from your sight. But he doesn’t, and you’re just standing there in front of your apartment, feeling like a part of you has gone away with him.

With a sigh, you step back inside and close the door behind you.

The silence is eerie and you can only hear your breathing in the emptiness of your apartment but the voices in your head? They’re screaming at you, begging you to do something. Both your thoughts and emotions are jumbled, making you feel clueless toward your feelings but there’s one thing that stands out more than the rest, and it’s the feeling of regret. You regret that you didn’t kiss him one last time. You regret that you didn’t embrace him properly. You regret that you didn’t tell him the words you wanted to say—that you would miss him so much and how you wish he could just stay—

There’s persistent knocking at your door, causing you to jump on your feet. Heart palpitating, you open the door to see Eren breathing hard, pupils blown, lips separated, ready to pronounce the word that his brain hasn’t managed to form just yet.

“Eren—“

“I can’t leave like this.” His lean fingers find your cheek, fingertips resting against your jawline as he pulls you closer, letting your mouths meet in a fiery kiss and blasts fireworks all over your blood and skin. His hands take prisoner of your waist, nearly lifting you off the ground as you tangle your arms around his neck. You both sigh and moan into the kiss, almost at the same time as you rove into each other’s mouths. In his touch, you could tell that these few minutes you’ve been apart have been nothing but torture to him, and in your kiss, you tell him, yes, me too, I never want you to leave.

“Baby…” His moan is so soft, so faint and yearning. He presses himself to you, opening your mouth with his lips, kissing you like you were the only way he could breathe. He’s pouring everything into that one kiss, every passion, every need, every yearn he has for you, and you’re doing the same thing. You wash your regret away with your lips bruising his. You return his embrace with all the strength you could muster, and if he breaks apart, at least he breaks in your arms.

Maybe minutes have passed because when he releases you, you’re both breathless, cheeks flushed and mouth tasting like each other’s toothpaste. But to you, it only feels like a second and you wish you could stay like this in his arms, your lips connected for eternity.

Eren glides his thumb over your lips, “Can I bring these with me?” He whispers, hazy eyes gazing at the way they glisten. “I love your lips.”

“Just my lips?” Tiny giggles fill the space and he sighs, loving the way you sound in his ear before he kisses you again to steal the rest. “Wouldn’t that be scary, though?”

“Well, you can come along too, I guess,” he teases, groaning lowly when you tug his bottom lip between your teeth. Eren buries his fingers in your strands, taking control of the kiss before you make him lose everything.

“I’m going to miss you,” you say, still chasing after his lips when he breaks away.

“I’m going to miss you too, baby,” he answers with his plump ones breaking into a soft smile. He lets his mouth trail away to your cheek, your jawline, your neck before he returns to your lips. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“A month is too long, Eren.”

“I know.” He can kiss you a thousand times and you’ll still need a thousand times more. “Even a day without you drives me insane.”

“Then, don’t leave.” Your hand finds his cheek, stroking him gently, your thumb rubbing against his cheekbone. “Stay with me.”

“Don’t do that…” He breaks down, turning his face to the side so he can brush his lips against the lines of your palm. “How do you expect me to leave with you looking this cute? You're not being fair to me.”

He nuzzles his nose against yours, replacing the little pout with another smile. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” You run a thumb over his lips, erasing the lip gloss that sticks to his skin. “You have fans waiting for you out there. Don’t disappoint them, tiger.”

He catches the playful punch you land on his chest, curling his fingers around yours. “I would’ve taken you with me if I could, you know that, right?” The sincerity in his eyes melts your insides and you whisper, “I know,” before you give him another kiss, one that you’re sure he would remember for days. But time is limited and Eren ends his journey on your skin by brushing his lips against your temple. “Take care of yourself, okay? Don’t sleep too late.”

“You too,” you breathe out as you sink into his chest, breathing in his fragrance and wish for it to linger forever. Eren lays his chin on the top of your head, his fingers caressing your hair. “Call me.”

“I will,” he promises, burying his nose in your strands and catching a whiff of your scent. Somehow, even when you’re both using the same shampoo, you smell different to him. Sweeter. Intoxicatingly sweet. “I’ll call you every day.”

“Don’t forget to eat your breakfast.”

Eren laughs, softly and heartwarming. “You do sound like a wife.” And it sounds more like hope than a joke and you’re okay with that. You’re both okay with that.

Cutely pecking your nose once, he steps away. “Wait for me until I get back?”

“Of course.” Your smile is filled with nothing but glee, but your eyes turn mellow as they speak the adoration you feel for him. “Come home to me soon, Eren.”

Eren doesn’t want to leave. He wishes he could just abandon everything and stay with you where he belongs. “I can’t wait to be home again.” He shares one last kiss—one that is so delicate, you feel like you’re melting in his arms. He bites his lip as he walks away, trying to stop his sheepish smile from breaking. “Bye, babe.”

“Bye.”

Before he makes his turn and vanishes entirely from your sight, he spins his head around to give you one last look. The world fades into a blur, and there’s only you and him, and Eren has never looked this beautiful before when he smiles.

And you mirror him the same way.

***

“Morning, Pieck.”

“Morning, darling.” Pieck whirls around on her swivel chair, her relaxed downturned gray eyes following your plodding steps as you walk to your cubicle. “What happened? It’s only nine and you already seem like you’re dying.”

“Nothing, it’s just—” you sigh, settling your handbag down on your desk before you sink into your chair. “Eren’s leaving for a month.”

“A month without his huge schlong,” Pieck flatly mutters, her voice turning robotic as she jams a lollipop in her mouth. “How devastating. We must alert the church’s elders!”

You don’t even have the strength to glare at her. “You know, I always miss him whenever he’s not around. But now, it’s like, his flight just took off an hour ago and I already feel so—”

“Sexually frustrated.”

“Lonely,” you correct her, narrowing your eyes menacingly. “This is not good, is it? I feel like I’m getting too attached. He’s still on the plane and I already feel like texting him or calling him or something. This is so bad, Pieck.”

She returns her focus to her MacBook, fingers plastered against her keyboards. “Yeah, you’re pretty whipped.”

“Should I distance myself?” You tap your fingers against your thigh worriedly. “I don’t want to appear too clingy.”

“I don’t think he’s ever going to find you clingy,” Pieck argues, snorting loudly. “If anything, I think he likes it when you’re being clingy.”

“Well, I hate seeing myself like this.” You can already feel your soul leaving your body little by little when you scan through the stack of files and articles you need to review today. “I can’t concentrate on my work. I don’t even have the energy to care about my work—or anything else for that matter. All I can think about is him.”

“Then, it’s the perfect timing to get back on track, isn’t it?” Pieck leans back in her chair, stretching her arms above her head. “You can have an entire month to yourself. Go on a trip. Get your nails done. Get a haircut—”

“I just got a haircut.”

“Get another haircut then. One that doesn’t make you look like a thirteen-year-old girl going through puberty.”

“Thanks.”

She easily ignores your glower. “Or we can go karaoke or something. Porco would love to tag along, I’m sure. I bet he already has a bunch of Adele songs ready in his head.” When she hears you sigh like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, she impatiently groans. “Okay, seriously, what is it? What are you worried about?”

“I’m…” You shift uncomfortably in your seat. “We’ll be separated for a month and he’s going to meet, you know, a lot of people…” Your voice gradually turns quiet. “Pretty people…”

“Ah,” Pieck nods three times in understanding. “And so, you’re worried that he’s gonna have some cute chick bouncing on his lap?”

You blush, both ashamed and horrified at the thought. “No, of course not!” But when she blankly stares at you, you admit it with a pout. “Well, I guess, I am a little worried.”

“How often do you two have sex?”

“On average?” You do quick math in your head. “Well, since we don’t meet every day—”

“Okay, let me rephrase that question. How often do you two have sex in a day?”

Your hand flies to your face, masking the blush that’s rising on your cheeks. “T-two.”

“Two times a day? That’s not much.”

“Minimum.”

“Ah.” Her stare turns flat, as well as her voice. “Yeah, he’s not gonna survive then.”

“What?!”

“Nah, I’m just joking. You’re gonna be fine, babe.” She calms down your anxiety with a nonchalant wave. “Even if he does have a fangirl sucking on his cock like a popsicle, he’s gonna be thinking about you all the time, I’m sure.”

“Pieck!”

“What, I’m just saying.” She scoffs. “Don’t attack me. You’re the one who’s paranoid about this.”

“Yeah, because you said, and I quote,” you make air quotes with your fingers, imitating her voice mockingly as you repeat her words, “‘He’s popular. He goes on tours. Men have needs. Of course, he fucks all the time.’”

“Okay, first of all? I do not sound like that.” She threatens to toss her pen at your face when you imitate her again. “Second, so what if he does? You’re not exclusive. He’s allowed to have sex with anyone he wants. It’s your fault you’re so reluctant in dating him. You wouldn’t have to worry about this if you were brave enough to tell him the truth. And the truth is, you want something bigger than his cock.”

“Which is…?”

“His heart, baby. His heart.”

“Right, yeah. You know what, let’s just—“ You exhale loudly into the air. “Let’s just not talk about this right now.”

“Yeah, all right.” For a good half a minute, you both stay in silence, minding your own business. You’re just about to take a sip of your morning coffee, reviewing your first article when Pieck chimes in with, “Imagine if he’s fucking Mikasa Ackerman, though.”

“PIECK!”

***

The vibration of your smartphone wakes you up from your dream. Being thrown back so suddenly to reality makes you feel slightly lightheaded but it’s all worth it the second you see his name written on your screen. Rubbing your eyes away from sleep, you answer his call, “Eren?”

“Hey.” His velvety voice is deeper than usual, slightly hoarse, but it never fails to send trickles of joy spreading underneath your skin. “Were you sleeping?”

You refrain yourself from yawning. “I’m up now.” You switch on the bedside lamp sitting on your nightstand, illuminating your bedroom with a yellow tinge. The digital clock on your desk shows that it’s 03.17 in the morning and although your body begs you to fall back asleep, both your mind and your heart decline right away.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” he apologizes. “I forgot about the time difference.”

“No, it’s okay.” You snuggle close to your pillow, body concealed by your bedcover as you hold your phone to your ear with one hand, blinking sleepily. “What’s up?”

“I just…” He tarries, and somehow you can imagine him chewing on his lip as he thinks of words to say. Eren gives up on making excuses and decides to just go with the truth. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”

Your heart skips a beat before you melt into a smile. “Eren, you just called me yesterday.”

“Yeah, but I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“It’s only been two weeks—”

“And that’s two weeks too long for me,” he hurriedly takes over. Eren casts his eyes to the ceiling of his five-star hotel room, his head propped by his feathery soft pillow. “I miss you.”

There’s loneliness in his voice, so vivid it almost breaks your heart. And you wonder whether you sound that way too when you whisper back, “I miss you too.”

Because it’s true. These fourteen days that have passed without being able to physically see him, to breathe the same air of your apartment, to have him lay tender touches on your body—they feel like torment. You’ve been living on your own for more than three years but your apartment never feels this empty before. You can see a little bit of himself in every corner of the room. The video games he played. The comic books sitting on your bookshelves. His toothbrush standing right next to yours on your sink. And there are a few of his shirts in your closet that somehow still smell like him no matter how many times you’ve washed them.

Your bed… it feels like it’s half-empty, not half-full. And if you miss him this much when he has only been gone for two weeks, what would you do when he goes on tours for months?

“Eren,” You breathe out, catching a faint scent of his bergamot perfume on your pillowcase. “I want to see you…”

There’s a pause where you can hear his breathing turns heavy. “Me too,” he professes. “So, so badly. I’ve never missed anyone as much as I miss you now.” Eren’s cheeks redden once he hears his words out loud. They sound like a confession, making him worry whether he’s made you feel uncomfortable. “Was that, umm…” He scratches his cheek. “Was that out of line?”

And it’s not wrong to say these words between friends, it’s the tone Eren used that feels out of line. But you don’t care. You’d let him say it five times more if he wants to. “Did you mean it?”

“What?”

“That last line you just said,” you clarify. “Did you mean it?”

You can hear him inhale sharply. “I meant it.” With all my heart.

“Then I don’t care if it’s out of line.” You lay a hand on your chest, feeling your heartbeat gradually increasing. “As long as you’re telling the truth, you can say whatever you want to say.”

Eren can feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins. You’re giving him the opportunity to say everything and there are a lot of things he wants to convey. So much that he feels like he’s about to burst just by thinking about them. “Have you been thinking about me?” He starts, a little bit quieter than he intended.

“I have. More than I’d like to admit,” you lightly laugh. “You’ve been spending too much time at my place that it feels different when you’re not around.”

Joy blooms inside his chest, making its way up to his lips and curve them upwards. “I’ve been thinking a lot about you too. It’s beautiful here—this city I’m in. I can see the beach and everything and all I can think about is how I wish I could bring you here with me.”

You close your eyes, imagining him walking down the seaside in his white sleeveless shirt and his beach shorts, his hair unruly by the wind. He would look beautiful—his emerald eyes shining a shade brighter under the light, his golden skin standing in stark contrast compared to the azure sky and the cerulean ocean behind him. “You want me there with you?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Why? Eren speaks inwardly. Because I want you with me all the time. I feel like I’m going insane when we’re apart. I can hear your name everywhere I go. I keep imagining your face among the crowd. God, if you were here, you would’ve looked so perfect underneath the sun with your feet buried in the sand. I wonder if you would let me take your hand as we walked down to the shore. I wonder if you’d smile at me if I kissed your lips without warning, just because I thought you looked so beautiful in your summer dress.

“Because then we get to have sex on the beach,” he says, keeping the truth bottled deep inside his chest. “We’ve never done that before.”

“Why are you always like this?” You giggle and Eren timidly smiles back, his heart feels heavy with these unspoken words and feelings but as long as he can make you laugh, he’ll endure it. “I wish I could tag along too,” you say. “I… I really do miss you, Eren.”

Even when nobody else is there in his room, Eren still has one hand covering the lower half of his face, trying to hide his blush from the world to see. “As a friend?” He quietly asks. “Or…”

“Don’t push it.”

“Sorry.” He chuckles, and he hears you do the same too.

You change position, laying down on your stomach as you play with the edge of your pillow. “Where are you right now?”

“I’m in my bed.”

“Alone?”

“You think I’d call you when I have somebody else in my bed?”

“That’s…” Your heart sinks into your stomach. It’s a little bit harsh, the tone he just used and it startled you. “That’s right…” The thought of him inviting someone into his room, their naked bodies tangled underneath the sheets, still emerges in your head no matter how much you try not to think about it. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, it’s—“ he sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. He feels so awful for getting worked up on his own. Something about the way that you even thought there would be someone else in his bed irks him. You’re the only one, always have been and now that he gets to be this close to you, to finally get a sliver of your attention, there’s no way he’s going to welcome anyone else in his life. If only you could notice that. “I’m the one who should apologize. I’m sorry. I just want you to know that there’ll be no one else in my bed,” he confirms. “I don’t do that anymore.”

“Do what?”

“You know, having one night stands.”

“Why not?”

“‘Cause I have you.” He’s on the verge of shouting the words, overwhelmed by his frustration. But he doesn’t want to make this a big deal, doesn’t want to make him sound more desperate than he already is. “I mean, like, you’re insatiable,” he adds to ease the tension. Even throws a laugh to make it believable. “So I’m keeping as much sexual energy as I can until I see you again.”

You’re a terrible liar, you think, but you’re not going to judge him for it. You haven’t been perfectly honest yourself too. “Yeah,” you mirror his forced laugh. “We’ve been going at it like bunnies for God knows how long so to be suddenly separated from each other like this—it kinda feels weird, huh?” You can feel your cheeks growing hot from thinking about the words you’re going to say but you say them anyway. “Kinda feels lonely without you… touching me.”

He blushes all the way to his ears, his mind reeling in frenzy. “You… You thought about me touching you?”

“W-well… Yeah, sometimes…”

That does it. The final string of his patience finally snaps. “Hey, there’s—” Eren sits up straight, nails nearly sinking to his jean-clad thigh. “There’s something I want to try.” There’s a sense of urgency mixed with minimum self-control. “If you don’t mind…”

“What is it?”

“Do you trust me?”

“I do.”

“Then follow my lead.”

You shakily nod your head. When he calls out your name again, wanting to hear your response, you remember that you have to say it in words. “Okay.”

“Can you…” Eren’s heart is beating out of control. His mind desperately tries to answer how the fuck should I start?! “Can you, umm, lie down on the bed for me?”

It takes you a moment before you know where this is going and once you realize that, your head feels like it’s about to explode. “Eren, I—are we—” You’re so flustered, you can’t even speak properly. “Are we going to do… that?”

“Yeah, just—” He’s not any better either. “Yeah. Do you—do you not want to?”

“It’s… not that I don’t want to, it’s just…” The more you think about the words you’re planning to utter, the harder you blush so you decide to end it short by saying, “I’ve never done this before.”

“Me neither.”

“You too?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh…” It excites you, the thought of being his first and him being yours. Eren has done a lot of things when it comes to sex, you can tell, and it always hurts you that all these new experiences you went through weren’t his first. It makes you feel less special, even when he’s making sure that you feel the opposite. You can’t help but compare yourself to other girls, wondering if they made him feel better than you ever did. Makes you wonder that when he said, “You’re beautiful” in bed, just how many other girls have heard him whisper the same thing to their ears?

“You know what, yeah,” you decide. “Let’s do it. I trust you.”

“Okay…” He exhales heavily, chewing on his lip. “Well, umm… Lie down on the bed.”

You can tell he’s nervous and it’s both reassuring and endearing to know that the smooth, confident Eren Jaeger can turn into this stammering mess because of you. He’s probably not mentally ready to do it with you either, but he tries his best to go all the way. He knows both of you need to find a way to release all of these pent-up emotions.

You follow his order. “I’m…” You take a deep breath so your voice won’t tremble too much. “I’m lying on my bed.”

Eren always takes a few seconds before answering, as if he’s battling inside his head, trying to sort out his thoughts. “Is your light turned on?”

“Yes.”

“Turn it off.”

You switch off the button on your bedside lamp. “Okay, it’s off.”

“Okay, mine too.” Then all you can hear is his slightly ragged breathing. “It’s… a bit awkward, isn’t it?” He softly chuckles, followed by an inaudible, “Fuck, why am I so nervous,” as he’s straying away from the phone.

A smile paints your lips. “You’re adorable.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

When silence strikes, Eren rubs his nape, propping his pillows behind his back, and leans against them. “Can you… tell me what you’re wearing?”

“I’m… wearing your shirt.”

“What?”

“Yeah, your Nirvana shirt. You left it in my place.”

“Oh…” His heartrate soars. “Why, uh, why are you wearing that?”

Because it smells like you and I can’t sleep these days without having your scent linger on my skin. “‘Cause, it’s baggy on me so I don’t have to wear anything else.”

“You’re not wearing anything else but my shirt?”

“I—” You’re starting to feel ashamed once you realize it. “Y-yeah.”

“Panties?”

“Of course, I’m wearing panties, you idiot.”

“Bra?”

“That’s—” You look down even though you can already tell just by feeling it. “No.”

“Fuck.” The mental image of you wearing his shirt and only your underwear underneath already makes him feel strained in his jeans. “Sweetheart, you’re not being fair.”

Mortified and slightly panicking over his reaction, you hastily order, “Your turn. Tell me what you’re wearing.”

“Well…” Eren takes a quick look at himself. “I’m wearing a denim jacket, a white shirt, a pair of ripped jeans—I just got back from a photoshoot so—”

So he must look good. “Take them off.”

He’s probably as startled as you are when you hear the words tumbling down your mouth. But even if he is as embarrassed, he doesn’t make it as obvious. “Sure.” A rustling sound can be heard, and you let your imagination wander. You can tell he’s taking off his jacket and soon, his shirt will follow. Eren would always take his shirt off by grabbing the fabric from the back and yank it over his head, instead of crossing his arms at his waist. There’s something masculine about it, but you tend to get more distracted at the way his muscles would contract in his lean stomach. His silver necklace would dangle around his neck, and he’d smirk whenever he caught you staring at him for a second too long.

“My shirt’s off,” he quietly states, snapping you out of your reverie. “Now take yours—wait! Wait. Leave it on. I want to imagine you wearing my shirt. Just take off your panties.”

“I’m—” It’s so damn hard to focus when you feel so abashed just by hearing his instructions. “Okay…” Your fingers are quivering when they slide down your stomach, thumb hooking around the hem before you pull your lingerie down to the middle of your thighs.

“Lie down,” he guides you, “Prop a pillow behind your back. Are you comfortable?”

“Y-yeah, just…” You sigh, head going dizzy. “Embarrassed.”

The airy laughter that flows from his mouth is too innocent to be heard in this kind of situation. “So cute. Me too, actually.” When his chuckles have receded, the nervousness grows vivid in his voice once again. “Do you, umm… Do you want to stop?”

You’re supposed to say yes, or at least a bit conflicted about it, so it shocks you when you immediately answer, “No,” without hesitation.

“Thank God.” Eren sighs, smiling softly against the phone. “‘Cause I wouldn’t know what to do if you said yes.” It’s ridiculous how he’s making you happy with the words he said, making you feel so wanted and needed. “Can I… take off my belt?”

You nod your head as you lick your lips, saying a breathy, “Yes,” once you remember that he can’t see your approval.

Eren unbuckles his belt with one hand, taking it off, and tosses it to the side. “Then, umm… can you spread your legs? As wide as you can.”

You feel so exposed even when no one is looking. Following his guidance, you question, “What about you? What are you doing?”

“I’m…” Eren swallows hard, looking down at the way his hand is pressing against his semi-hardness. “I’m rubbing myself over my jeans.”

Fuck, you mentally groan. “Why aren’t you touching yourself directly?”

“Cause I want to wait for you.” He has his eyes closed, his hand slipping under the hemline of his jeans, stroking himself over his boxer. “I want to picture you rubbing your fingers on your clit. I want to hear you moan my name when you do.”

Oh my God. “Then guide me,” you plead. There’s something so irresistibly sexy about him touching himself while picturing you pleasuring yourself with your fingers. “Tell me what to do, Eren.”

He runs his tongue over his lower lip. The excitement of being able to act as a puppeteer, tugging on your strings, sends all blood rushing south. “Can you push your shirt up? Don’t take it off, just—” He exhales, taking a moment to collect himself after a certain obscene thought of you touching yourself in nothing but his shirt entered his mind. “Just make sure it’s not in the way.”

“Okay.” You grip the hemline of your shirt, pulling it up until it pools above your chest. Now that you’ve passed the first stage of awkwardness, you start to feel less embarrassed and more… well, aroused. “Now, what?”

“I want you to touch your breasts. Want you to play with your nipples as you imagine me,” Eren whispers, and he sounds so close as if he’s lying down next to you. “Imagine me with my hands on you as I kiss your neck. Can you do that for me, baby?”

You squeeze your breast, mumbling out a weak, “Yes…” The memory of Eren, embracing you from behind, his naked chest pressed against your spine, hot mouth lazily pressing wet kisses against your nape suddenly comes alive in your mind. You still remember how sexy he sounded moaning out your name as he rocked his hips forward, his fingers exploring around your chest, rubbing and pinching at a certain spot to make you press closer to him in desperation for more of his touch.

“Suck on your fingers, make them wet, then bring them back down.” Eren’s hips are bucking against his hand, his fingers tugging his zipper down. “Imagine my mouth latching on your nipple, sucking it the way I always do. The way you like me to do.”

You bring your fingers to your mouth, coating two of them with saliva before you bring them back down to pinch your sensitive bud. With your eyes closed and his heavy breathing in your ear, the wet sensation of your fingers gives you a clear image of his tongue flicking against your nub.

“Tell me how you feel.”

“It’s not enough,” you croak out, “I want to feel you directly. Want to feel your body on me.”

Eren takes a sharp breath. “You don’t know how much I want to be there to touch you right now.” The way his voice suddenly becomes deep sends shivers down your spine. “I want to suck bruises on your skin. I want to mark you everywhere, again and again, so the bruises will last for days. I want you to remember me every time you see yourself in the mirror.”

You bashfully smile, though your heart is still racing. “I always remember you even without that, Eren.”

He slides his hand under his boxer, finally making direct contact with his skin. “Bring your other hand down. I want you to touch yourself, baby, please.”

You slide your hand between your legs, tentatively rubbing yourself between your folds. “Eren…”

“Does it feel good?”

You nod, eyes shut, and your mind wanders. “Yes…”

“Rub your clit for me. Imagine I’m doing that with my tongue.”

You can picture him with his head between your legs so perfectly behind your closed eyelids. You remember how he would always start slow, placing open-mouthed kisses on the inner part of your thigh before dipping his head down and swipe his tongue along your folds—all the while never breaking eye contact. He would press a kiss against your clit, and lick you slowly because he’d want you to beg for it. He never directly told you but you could tell he liked being in control because the second you whispered “Please, Eren,” he would immediately indulge you with everything you wanted and more.

Eren would suck hard on your clit, doing it so suddenly that you’d nearly crush him by wrapping your legs too tightly around his head. Amazed and delighted by your reaction, he would break into a smirk with his tongue still darting out to taste you, his mouth pressing harder against your skin until he plunged his tongue inside your heat.

You moan out his name at the memory, directly to the phone.

“Fuck, baby girl, you sound so perfect…” Eren nearly whimpers and the word baby girl stirs something within you as he rarely called you that. “You don’t know how hard I am for you right now—just hearing your voice like this, I’m—I feel like I’m gonna come.”

Maybe it’s because you can’t see him that his voice sounds a million times hotter in your ears. So velvety, so deep and low, laced with need and desperation. “Eren, I want you.” You rub yourself harder on the spot you like the most. “Why can’t you be here with me right now?”

“Oh, baby…” Eren’s fingers are curling harder around his length, pumping himself in accordance with every gasp and moan you’re emitting. “I wish I could see you too—I wish I could lock my eyes with yours as I eat you up. I want to see your face, every single expression you make—I bet you look so cute, so goddamn… erotic.”

Your hold around your phone loosens but fortunately for you, the pillow pressing against it keeps it close to your ear. “Touch yourself,” you breathily murmur, “I want you to touch yourself too.”

“I am, baby,” Eren softly moans, his fingers tightening around his length. “What else do you want me to do?”

“You remember how I curl my fingers around you?”

“Yes.”

“Do that—exactly like that.” Eren zealously follows, cursing under his breath as he drifts away in rapture. “Now run your hand, up and down.” He closes his eyes, licks his lips once before he drowns in the images of you holding him firmly in your hand. “Slow down, baby,” you instruct him with an impish smile. “Not so fast.”

“Sweetheart,” he groans but his lips are forming a grin. He slows down his pace, giving himself lazy strokes as ordered. “You’re gonna tease me like this?”

“Mm-hmm,” you hum, “Don’t you like it when I tease you?”

“I do.” He lowly groans, loving the way you sound so naughty in his ear. “Especially when you rub yourself on my cock.”

“Yeah? Go on then, baby. Go faster.” His breath catches in his throat, another moan tumbles off his lips. “Now run your thumb over your slit.”

“Fuck, I love it when you do that.” He sharply inhales, stroking himself faster each time. “Baby, I want your mouth on me.”

“I want it too.” Your sultry moan bounces off the walls as you remember how he tasted inside your mouth. “I want to taste you.”

“Will you—” His voice is a pitch higher, almost whimpering. “Will you let me fuck your mouth? I wanna fuck your mouth so bad.”

And as you reply with a breathy “Yes,” Eren moans a bit louder, a mix between longing and frustration as he imagines you standing on your knees before him.

“I want to see you hollow your cheeks around me.” He smears the pre-cum that dribbles from his tip with the pad of his thumb. “Like how you did to me when we were backstage, that time before the concert. You looked so pretty that night, so eager—so desperate for me—”

“Me too. I want to make you feel good too. I—” Sinking your teeth deeply into your lip, you feel goosebumps creeping up your skin when he moans out your name. You’ve always loved his voice, loved it more than anything else in the world, and the sounds he makes when he’s in bed with you is the sexiest thing that even your poor mind can’t even begin to imagine. And now, focusing solely on his voice, listening to his filthy, sinful words, he’s driving you to the edge of your sanity.

“I touched myself thinking about you last night,” he confesses breathlessly, “I miss you so much—I can’t help it.”

You’re trembling at the thought. “Eren—”

“You don’t know just how much—” The sound of him trying to stifle down a moan only makes you crave for him more. “—how much I want to have you here with me. You’re the only one—” a whine slipped out his lips, “I want to hold you so bad, baby—want to see you running up and down my cock—want to fucking taste you—want to have you come on my face—” Eren can hear how your breath catches in your throat, how your moan gets a little bit louder. Chuckling as he pumps himself harder, he breathily repeats, “You like that, don’t you, baby? You like coming on my face?”

You arch your back, eyes tightly shut. “Yes.”

“God, I wanna fuck you with my tongue. I’d suck on that pretty clit of yours, you know that, right? Again and again, until I feel you shaking—“

“Eren—"

“Yeah, fucking moan my name like that, baby girl, you’re so fucking sexy when you do that.”

At the rustling sounds, him whimpering at his touches, and you rubbing yourself on the perfect spot, you know you won’t last long. “E-Eren, are you close?”

“Just a little bit more, baby, ah—” He thrashes his head against the pillow, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallows hard. “Fuck, I need to be inside you. I need to feel you clench your walls around me.”

He recalls the memory of you gazing at him with anticipation building inside your seductive, half-lidded eyes as you parted your legs to permit him to ravish you the way he wanted. Eren quickens the pace, thrusting vigorously into his hand. “Fuck yourself with your fingers, baby, please.”

You’re more than keen to follow, inserting one digit inside your heat with another one following soon after. You can visualize him bringing your legs in the air until they dangle over his shoulders, his hips slamming hard against yours with each thrust. “Eren—”

“Tell me,” he pants heavily, “Tell me what you’re imagining right now.”

“I’m—” You quiver around your fingers. “I’m imagining you fucking me.”

“Yeah?” Eren chuckles, low and deep. “You’re imagining me fucking you with my cock?”

“Yes. God, that time when you went rough on me—every time I think about that I—” Your body has gone autopilot, your mouth moving without a filter. “I got so… wet.”

He nearly loses it, almost spilling all over his stomach from that one word. “If you were here right now,” he nearly growls, “I would fuck you so hard until you’re mewling my name against the sheets. And I won’t stop, I won’t stop even if you beg me to. I won’t stop until I’m done with you.”

Eren doesn’t sound like he’s trying to dirty talk which only makes it even more arousing to your ear. It’s as if he’s losing control of his mouth, just saying anything that comes to mind. The honesty, the urgency, his breathy, desperate calls of your name between obscene words—

You choke out a sob. “Eren—I’m close—”

“Me too, baby—ah, fuck—Kiss me—”

It’s one of the most intense orgasms you’ve ever felt and it’s weird because you never really enjoyed touching yourself before. Eren follows a few seconds after, moaning your name so erotically that will probably give you a hard time falling asleep for days at the thought of it. You’re left dazed, staring at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes. Your phone lays forgotten on the pillow next to you. Mustering all the strength you have left, you reach out for it. “Eren…?”

You can hear him breathing heavily. “I’m here,” he says. “Are you okay? Did you get to come?”

“Y-yes.” Now that it’s over, you begin to feel self-conscious again and the heat that spreads on your cheeks nearly wash every bit of your orgasm away in an instant. “Did you?”

“I made a huge mess.” He chuckles, sounding just as embarrassed as you are. “Fuck, didn’t realize it was going to be this good when we started. What would’ve happened if we had Face-Timed each other instead?”

Your head nearly explodes at the thought. “One step at a time, Eren. I’m practically dying from shame right now.”

He laughs a little at that. “So, you don’t really oppose the idea? Man, I have something to look forward to then.”

“Shut up, you’re gross. Is this the reason you called me?”

“No,” he hastily says, “I swear, I called because I missed hearing your voice.” Then he thinks about it again. “Well, I mean, I have been thinking about doing, uhh, this thing with you but trust me, it wasn’t the reason why I called.”

“Sure,” you flatly reply, teasing him.

“I know you’re smirking but I’m in complete bliss right now, I can’t even pretend to care.”

“Did it feel good?”

“It felt fucking amazing.” He sighs into the air, loving the way you giggle in response. His face turns pensive not long after, his tone turning serious. “You’re amazing, you know that, right? And I’m not just talking about sex.”

“Eren—“

“I know. I know I shouldn’t say it. I just… I just thought you should know.”

Your bury your face in your pillow, wishing your blush to fade away. “Thank you,” you murmur. “You’re not… so bad yourself, I guess.”

“Thanks.” Eren chortles. “Well, you should go back to sleep. You need to go to work in a few hours. Thank you for, uh… Keeping me company.”

“So formal,” you snicker. “But you’re welcome.”

The word goodbye feels right to be spoken but you can’t find the will within you to say it, even when you feel like your eyes are nearly closing from exhaustion. You don’t want to part, want to fall asleep with him murmuring your name from the other line. Want him to be here by your side, holding you close.

And maybe he feels the same way. He hasn’t said his goodbyes, and yet he’s already craving to hear you more. “Can I…” He plays with the edge of his bedcover. “Can I call you again tomorrow?”

A mischievous grin paints your lips. “For normal conversation or this kind of conversation?”

“Both, I hope?”

You burst out giggling. “Anytime you want, Eren.”

“Great.” His smile spreads so widely, it almost hurts his cheekbones. Now that he has something to look forward tomorrow, he can finally bid his farewell. “Well, good night, baby.”

“Good night, Eren.”

And as you drift away, first, you’re welcomed by the darkness. Then, you fall back into his arms. As he’s the only thing you want, both in your sleep and your wake.

***

Funny how last night felt like the sweetest dream and right now, you’re walking into your nightmare. It’s not as worse as you had expected—yet—but the shock and fear that zap through your body are enough to wipe all the bliss and joy Eren had given you last night.

Someone, most likely an obsessed fan, has taken a picture of you and Eren walking together on the side of the street. You were on your way to the nearest supermarket to buy some groceries for dinner, and Eren, being the gentleman that he was, offered to tag along. He didn’t bother to dress up much, still dressed in his grey hoodie and black sweat pants as he trailed behind you. His hair was still tied up in a bun but he had his snapback and his mask on. He looked normal—tall and lean with excellent body proportions, but yes, normal. It was hard to recognize him but this fan probably had stalked him around for quite some time. Eren also has distinctive, stunning jade green eyes that always stand out even when the rest of his appearance is unrecognizable.

There are two different photos. In the first picture, you’re laughing at one of his jokes, your mouth opened wide with your head thrown back. The second one was Eren placing his large palm on your head, ruffling your hair as you smiled. These photos portray normal things friends do, but the comment section seems to disagree.

Empireaholic: Who the fuck is she? If he’s dating her I’m gonna kill myself.

Erenlover1293: I don’t think they’re dating. That bitch’s ugly af.

jaegernize26fan: her? seriously? over mikasa ackerman?

Acker8719: he’s fucking blind if he chooses this girl over mikasa

“Coffee?” Porco Galliard offers as he takes a seat before you, interrupting you from scrolling down further to see more horrible comments about your face, body, or your fashion sense. Usually, when you aren’t too busy with work, you would spend your lunch break with him and Pieck right here at the cafeteria. Today, however, there’s only you and him as your female co-worker has gone down with a fever, forced to take a day off work.

“No, thanks,” you weakly respond, not even looking up at him. You’ve been staring at your phone screen for over God knows how long by now, scrolling through Empire’s tagged pictures on their official Instagram account.

“Okay,” Porco sighs, placing down his espresso after taking a sip. “So I’m probably not gonna be as good as Pieck at listening to your, uh, guy problems,” he says awkwardly. “But I’ll lend you my ears if you want to vent out.”

“Who says I’m having guy problems?”

“Yeah, when you do this—” He imitates you by exaggeratingly exhales into the air, his mouth turning upside down as he pouts. “You have his name written all over your face.”

“Well, it’s not about that today.” You hold back the urge to groan. Tapping a picture, you slide your phone toward him. “Here, take a look.”

“Jesus,” Porco remarks, bewildered as his eyes shift from one comment to another. “What is wrong with these people?”

“The second they know who I am, I’m gonna be constantly bullied, I just know it.” You rub a hand over your face. “Thank God Eren doesn’t have an IG account.”

“Well, don’t mind this,” Porco says, assuring you with a sympathetic smile as he returns your phone. “They’re just jealous since you two seem close.”

“They don’t have to be mean about it.” Your pout grows prominent. “You know, this is the other reason why I keep hesitating with this whole dating thing. He’s gonna get even more popular in the future. Gonna have more crazy fangirls that follow him around wherever he goes. We won’t be able to get any privacy. People are gonna wish I was dead and it’s okay if they just direct their hate toward me, I can take it—”

“You sure?” Porco sips his coffee. “Looks to me like you just died a little while reading these comments.”

“I can handle it,” you repeat, trying to convince yourself more than him. “What I’m worried about is—what if Eren sees these? He’d feel sorry about it—I know he would. Probably would even try to fight them back too, and then what? He’s gonna put his image on the line. What if he decides to quit the band to keep our relationship alive?”

“Always the dramatic.” Porco rolls his eyes. “You’re thinking way too much.”

“I’m just trying to lay down every scenario on the table. I can’t—” You shake your head, sinking into your seat. “I can’t do this. I won’t let him go through all that. It’s fine if it only involves me, but if there’s the slightest chance of this jeopardizing his career, I won’t do it.”

“You can’t just make every decision on your own, you know,” Porco argues. “What if he’s okay with it?”

“Even if he’s okay with it, I don’t want him to suffer for me.”

“What if he’s okay with that too?” Porco shrugs. “What if he just doesn’t care about anything else, and just wants to be with you?” That makes you think—paints a little color on your cheeks too. Porco offers you a comforting smile, propping an elbow on the table. “Look, just talk it out with him.”

Even though you know he’s right, you can’t find the will within you to do so. Ignorance is bliss. You’re going to lock everything inside, no matter how much these comments weigh upon your heart like an anchor. You won’t tell him about this. You don’t want to make him worry. “Even if I wanted to, I can’t.” You heave a sigh. “He’s overseas right now.”

“Oh, going on a tour?”

“Well, he only has three solo concerts scheduled in different cities. He’s spending most of his time doing photoshoots and attending events. He’s got a new single to promote.” Your tone gradually turns into a grumble as you fold your arms on the table, using them as a pillow. “Porco, have you ever missed Pieck when she’s not around?”

“Missed her as in I miss having sex with her or I miss hanging out with her?”

“Both.”

“Hmm…” Porco taps his fingers on the table, thinking. “Well, I guess I have. I mean I kinda missed you too when you took that one-week break. We hang out all the time at work so when you or Pieck aren’t around to talk shit about my taste in women—or food—it feels kinda off to me.” He leans back in his seat. “As for the sex part, well… We’re not exclusive to each other so when I feel like I want to, you know, blow off some steam and she isn’t available, I could just go to a bar and get drunk or something. If I’m lucky, I can bring a girl back to my place by the end of the night. If not… Well,” he chuckles, “I’ve always been lucky, so I wouldn’t know.”

Porco makes it so easy, so casual and maybe this is how fuck buddies relationships are supposed to work. No emotions. No feelings. No connections other than whatever it is that’s physical. Even when you’re having the same relationship with Eren, their way of doing this still feels so surreal to you. Porco truly sees Pieck as a friend—a dear friend of his that he misses when she’s not around—but that’s just it.

“Porco, I’m gonna ask you something and this is gonna sound weird. I know it’s none of my business, but… If you feel like answering, I want you to be honest.” You leave him quite appalled by the sudden solemnity in the tone you’re using. “Truly honest.”

“O… kay.” He expands the space between you, furrowing his brows. “What is it? You’re scaring me.”

“Do you like Pieck?” You ask him, eyes boring deep into his gleaming hazel eyes. “Romantically, I mean. Do you feel anything—anything at all—about her?”

He frowns in discomfort, clearly uncomfortable with your question and the way you said it. “I’m sorry,” you quickly add. “I just… want to see how this relationship works through your perspective.”

After a pause where you both feel like you’re holding your breath, Porco closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Promise you’re not gonna tell her?”

“I promise.”

“Swear on your life?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

He’s still hesitating but after he deeply scrutinizes you, he decides to give in. “I used to have a crush on her,” he confesses, his voice turning a pitch lower. “When we… had sex for the first time, it was after a party and we were both so drunk. Well, she was drunk. I could handle my liquor just fine. I drove her back to her place and she insisted me to come over and stay for coffee. I knew I should’ve said no. Knowing her reputation, I knew it was going to lead to sex but I was so… head over heels back then for her. I wanted to be a better man but I couldn’t. So, that night I slept with her, and I was gone by the next morning.”

There’s guilt in his voice and it’s so apparent that it makes you feel a bit sorry for him. You would’ve reached out a hand to give him a comforting squeeze on his shoulder if you weren’t too busy thinking about how similar his situation was with you. You had a crush on Eren too—strictly physical, you want to add, though you’re not so sure anymore—and it was because of the alcohol in your system that all of these problems started.

“I didn’t know how to face her on the next day,” Porco continues, his golden eyes glued to his fingers as he played with the edge of his cup. “She approached me first, scolded me for acting so weird when it was all just sex—that it meant nothing more. I wanted to correct her, wanted to tell her that it meant something to me but I wasn’t brave enough to admit it. Then we got to talking. She invited me over to her place again a few days later and she kissed me. I was so happy at first, thought she wanted me too but then she pulled away and said, ‘I’m in love with Zeke.’”

It shocks you when you hear his last line, so you could imagine how awful it must have been for him. “Porco—”

“Okay, calm down now,” he says, raising his hands in the air before you could take one between yours to show him your support. “This story was months ago, alright? Maybe even a year. I don’t feel like that about her anymore. So keep your hands to yourself ‘cause I don’t need your sympathy.”

It sounds like a lie, or maybe you want it to sound like a lie. But then again, Porco can be an exceptionally good liar when he tries to be so you’re not sure if you can read through his facade. “Okay, umm… Continue, then.”

Porco still has a suspicious look on his face, warning you to never show him any pity, or else, he’s not going to carry on with his story. You promise him with a nod and he eventually continues. “Well, there’s nothing much to tell after that. She told me she wanted to keep having sex with me and I wasn’t a good enough man to decline such an offer. I was repulsed by the idea at first, fully knowing that I was just a replacement for Zeke but I guess that’s what makes this relationship works. I don’t allow myself to fall in love with her. I try to fall out of love, instead.”

“And is it working?”

“Well, do you see me moping around about my fuck buddy like you do?” He snorts. “Don’t worry about me. Worry about yourself. Besides, as I said, I’m not really into commitments. I suck at relationships—my exes told me I got too possessive over them. Too, you know, controlling. And I don’t want to hurt anyone ever again.”

When he grows mute, you mirror his action and keep your thoughts to yourself. But you can’t. No matter how much he tries to deny it, he still sounds brokenhearted in your ear. “These girls who left you… They don’t deserve you.” His ears perk up, eyes widening slightly on alert. “You’re a great man, Porco. I see the way you treat your women, the way you treat Pieck. You’ve been nothing but a gentleman to her.”

He scoffs. “I’m so far off from being a gentleman. Besides, we’ve never dated so you wouldn’t know how annoying I could be as a boyfriend.”

“True. I’m just judging from how you’ve been acting around us. You’re caring, you’re kind. You’re so attentive to our needs even when you always pretend like you don’t care.”

“Jesus.” He breaks eye contact, rubbing his nose as he grows bashful. “What is this, a therapy session?”

“I wouldn’t change a thing about you, Porco,” you tease him. “You’re perfect.”

“Shut. Up.”

Underneath your giggles, you’re contemplating with the questions you have swirling in your mind, knowing how you’re going to sound even more nosy than you’ve already been. But you can’t defeat the curiosity that’s eating you up inside. “What would you do if Pieck’s feelings toward you start to change? What if she’s in love with you now?”

There’s a moment that passes by in silence with Porco’s eyes widening, slightly quivering as his thoughts swim in the possibility of that scenario. You wait, wondering if the look of hope that fleets across his face can turn into words.

But Porco laughs, shaking his head at you. “You almost got me there.”

“What?” You knit your eyebrows together in confusion. “What is so funny?”

His laughter drops instantly, eyes turning cold as he leans closer. “What’s funny is that Pieck is in love with another man,” he says, low and dangerous, causing the tiny hairs in your nape to raise. “Every time we have sex, she moans Zeke’s name instead of mine. You think she’s gonna fall for me?”

“I—” You swallow thickly. There’s no bark in his voice, but he leaves no room for questions. His body language makes it clear that you just invaded his privacy too far. “I’m sorry.”

Porco exhales, running a hand through his hair. “No, I’m—It’s fine. Sorry.” He gulps down his coffee to fill the silence, unable to meet your eyes. You keep your head low, waiting for him to break the tension. “Well,” he concludes, “Now you know why it’s easier for me to stop myself from catching feelings. She’s just using me, and I’m just using her. We’re both the same. Disgustingly so.”

You nod, still a little afraid to say anything. Porco, trying to make up for his action, softens his voice. “Hey,” he gently calls. “What you two have is different from what I have with Pieck. We’re in two different relationships. He likes you. Judging from your story, he probably has been feeling that way since the start. And I know you do, too. So, just… Tell him the truth. You don’t know how lucky it is to like someone and to have them feel the same way about you.”

His words tug on your heartstring, making it sound so easy to just forget about everything else—even your twelve years friendship—and just be with Eren without worrying too much about the consequences. “You’re wrong,” you tell him.

“What?”

“You’re not bad at giving advice.” You smile at him. “I feel more at ease after I talked to you so, thank you, Porco. I’m glad we could finally have our heart-to-heart moment.”

With his ears turning bright, he brings his cup near his lips. “Shut up.”

“One thing, though, if… I’m allowed to ask?” You wait for his reaction, and with a small nod of his head, you form your opinion. “If there’s a chance of Pieck reciprocating to your feelings, would you tell her you love her?”

He sighs, rubbing his temple. “Like I said, I don’t feel like that about her anymore.”

“Then just hypothetically speaking,” you say. “If you were still in love with her, and you could tell that she loved you back, would you tell her you loved her?”

“I—” His glare no longer looks as menacing once his cheeks are turning scarlet. “I don’t know. I… would, probably.”

You exhale in relief. Gathering your phone in your hand, you jump back to your feet. “Good,” you tell him before you take your leave. “Because you should tell her the truth. You don’t know how lucky it is to like someone and to have them feel the same way about you.”

“Did you just throw my words back at me?”

“Bye, Pokko.”

“Don’t call me that!”

***

“Okay, so I just saw this guy at the lobby,” Pieck says, sliding her swivel chair into your cubicle with her latte in hand. “Super cute guy. Fluffy blonde hair. Baby blue eyes. Adorable button nose. Looks kinda familiar too and I’m sure I’ve never met him before because boy,” she titters, “I would totally remember if I ever met someone as cute as him.”

“Pieck, I’m busy.” You know you’re being cold, but you can’t really focus on your article with her yapping non-stop in the background. “I’m sorry, but I gotta submit this article in two hours and I still have…” You grimace as you see your word count. “Three thousand words left to write.”

“Tch, you’re no fun.” She pouts, narrowing her huge doe eyes, “We can’t even talk about cute guys anymore? Eren brainwashed you so hard with his huge cock, didn’t he?”

“Oh my God, Pieck—” Your phone rings, cutting you off short. With a sigh and a flustered face, you pick up the call, noticing from the caller ID that it’s coming from Mina, the receptionist. “Yes, Mina?”

“Hi, sorry to bother you but someone is waiting for you in the lobby.”

“Who is it?”

“He said his name was Armin?” She confirms it one more time with the male standing before her. “Yeah, Armin Arlert.”

Your heart drops to your stomach. Almost three weeks have passed since the two of you met and you honestly thought he wasn’t going to visit you after so long, especially when he seemed to be heartbroken over the interaction you had with Eren. “Oh, umm—I’ll—I’ll be right there in a few minutes.” As soon as you end the call, you stand up from your seat, turning pale and jittery.

“What?” Pieck questions, frowning. “Something’s wrong?”

“Someone’s waiting for me downstairs.”

“Who?”

Grabbing your phone in one hand, you slide a fashion magazine down the table in her direction. It’s the one from last year where Salvatore Ferragamo introduced the Men's Pre-Fall 2020 Collection. “Page twenty-seven,” you tell her, already have it memorized from how often you went back to that page for your… research. You can’t tell if you’re interested in him, but it boosts your ego to know that not one, but two insanely hot Ferragamo models have their eyes on you.

“Oh no,” Pieck says, feeling like she’s experiencing a Deja Vu once she remembers the day when you first told her about Eren, also using a magazine to introduce her to the man who stole your virginity. “Please don’t tell me you slept with another celebrity. You can’t do this to me, babe.”

“I didn’t sleep—” You give up, turning on the page to show her a photo of Armin posing in front of a camera, wearing a beautiful powder blue three-piece suit.

“Oh my God! That’s the guy I saw at the lobby!” She gapes but only for two seconds before she turns it into a glower. “He’s waiting for you?”

“Apparently, yeah.” You fidget on your feet, anxious to your toes. “He—he asked me out on a date once but I—”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” She groans, rolling the magazine and giving you a hit for each word she spouts. “I can’t believe this! What, did you like, save a nation in your previous life or something? How do you get to be so lucky?!”

“I honestly can’t believe it myself.” Wearing back your blazer, you bid her a quick goodbye. “Talk to you later, Pieck.”

“Talk to you never,” she shouts back, jutting out her bottom lip. “Lucky bitch.”

Once you’ve arrived at the lobby, you spot the golden-haired model sitting on the couch. His eyes are glued to his hands as he fiddled with his fingers, his lower lip stuck between his teeth. At the sound of your heels meeting the marbled floor, he looks up and does a double-take at your appearance with his jaw growing slack on his face. Armin, dressed in a handsome yet casual outfit—a plaid flannel shirt underneath a blue sweater that brings the color of his eyes—hastily jumps to his feet, straightens his back, and runs his nervous fingers through his bangs to make sure they look perfect. Even from two meters away, you could already see how blue his eyes are as they widen in excitement at the sight of you.

“Hi,” you greet him with an awkward smile, somehow feeling beyond nervous yourself. “Sorry I made you wait.”

“Oh no—it’s—” He swallows, his cheeks turning pink the second your eyes meet. “I’m the one who should be apologizing for coming uninvited.”

“It’s okay.” Both of you have a hard time maintaining eye contact but you try your best. “I was just surprised. I didn’t think you’d visit me.”

Armin’s face is in flames. “Are—are three weeks considered too soon?” He genuinely asks, worried that he might bother you. It’s cute that he keeps count, just like you. “I thought it was—I’m sorry. It’s just—I never asked someone out before. I don’t know how long it normally takes before I could—before we could—” He can’t even finish his line. “I—”

“Armin,” you interrupt, your voice speaks reassurance. “It’s okay. And no, it’s not too soon—I just… I didn’t think you’d come to see me.” You lightly laugh. “I thought you’d forgotten about me—“

“I would never forget you!” He says, almost too loudly that he’s starting to gain attention from the passerby. “You’re all I could think about these last three weeks! I’ve been wanting to ask you out since day one, but—“ He catches himself.

You tilt your head, raising an eyebrow. “But?”

“Well… I saw how Eren behaved around you and he…” He chews on his bottom lip again and you wonder maybe it’s a habit? Just like how Eren scratches his cheek or rubs his nape when he’s nervous or embarrassed.

“Armin,” you heavily sigh. “Like I said, Eren and I are not dating.”

“I—I know, but…” He slowly meets your eyes. “Do you… like him?”

You know how you feel and you’re too tired to deny it. “I do.”

Armin parts his lips, taking a silent gasp before he fixates his eyes to his feet again. “Oh… And… He likes you too, doesn’t he?”

“Most likely, yes.”

“But you’re not in a relationship?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s complicated.” You’re not sure why but you feel like you want to be honest. You’re sick of pretending and if this man—this innocent, pure little boy—hasn’t stopped thinking about you since your first encounter, then at least, you owe him the truth. Respect his feelings and let him put an end to them.

But to your surprise, Armin is a lot more relentless and stubborn than he looks. Because instead of saying, “Oh, I see, then I don’t want to be a part of this mess,” he says, “Then will you—can I still ask you out on a date?”

You’re left baffled. “What?”

“I know I don’t have a chance against him,” Armin says, his hand gripping the side of his jeans as he lands his determined eyes on yours. “But you said you weren’t exclusive and I really, really would love to know you better. Go out with me—just for a day. Give me a chance. If it doesn’t work out, then I hope I can, at least, be your friend.”

Funny how when he has set his mind on something, he doesn’t stammer as much as he usually does. “And if it does work out?” You ask him with a tiny smirk once you regain your composure. Somehow, you just can’t help but tease him whenever the opportunity arises. “What would you do if you manage to sweep me off my feet, Armin Arlert?”

His jaw nearly dislocates from his face and he turns back into a rambling mess. “I—you—”

“I’m kidding, relax.” You take his hand, giving him a friendly squeeze. “I’d love to go out with you, Armin. As friends.”

His smile seems more like a grimace than anything else. “You’re rejecting me already?”

“Well, not really.” Maybe it’s wrong to give him hope, but you don’t want to be ruthless on him. He’s asking you for one chance. Just one. Saying yes is the least you could do after seeing him take a time of his day visiting your workplace like this. “I’m just saying we should start by being friends and see how it goes from there.”

“Oh…” His shoulders sag in relief. “I… Thank goodness.”

God, I don’t deserve this boy. “But, umm…” You uneasily start, apologizing with your eyes. “The timing isn’t right. I have an article I need to work on today. The deadline is in two hours. So as much as I would love to have lunch with you, I don’t… think I could.”

He reminds you of a puppy, the way he’s so transparent with his emotions that you can practically see his ears and his tail going down at your refusal. But as soon as he witnesses the troubled look on your face, he forces himself to grin. “Oh, it’s okay! It was my fault. I would’ve texted you to let you know I was coming if I had known your number but I… I forgot to ask.”

He was too embarrassed to ask, more like, which made him ten times cuter. You haven’t been so sure of your feelings toward him as you’re still too busy thinking about your relationship with Eren to focus on anything else. But something tells you that you should at least try doing the second option Pieck told you about. You somehow feel guilty, feeling like you were using this pure, innocent boy to make sure of your feelings for another man—or worse, to make Eren jealous. But you can’t help it. Before you know it, you say, “Let’s exchange numbers then.”

Armin blinks twice rapidly. “Huh?”

“Here.” You hand him your phone, asking him to tap down his numbers. “So next time you can give me a heads-up before you take me away to a very dreamy, exciting, friendly date.”

He blushes, even his ears are turning scarlet. “Oh, umm… Yes, of course.” With shaky fingers, he takes the phone away and taps his numbers into your contact list. You give him a call, and once his phone vibrates with your number written on his screen, Armin saves it down under your name with a tiny, yet very gleeful smile on his face.

“There you go.” You pocket your phone back inside your blazer. “So, text me or give me a call sometimes. Not at two AM when you’re feeling lonely, though.” The joke is unnecessary, and a part of you feel maybe you’re being out of line.

He panics, blood rushing to his head. “I would n-never—”

“I was kidding,” you chortle, tucking a few strands of loose hair behind your ear. “Well, I gotta go back to work. I’ll see you later?” You wonder whether it would be appropriate to seal your goodbye with a friendly kiss on his cheek. It won’t be too weird, will it? Especially knowing how he’s made all this effort to pick you up for a lunch date.

So you take a step closer, standing on your tiptoes to lean in and brush your lips against the softness of his cheekbone but before you can do that, he panics.

“Wait, I—“ Armin drags his flushed face down, rummaging through his satchel. “I brought this.” He offers you a box of present, tied neatly by a red ribbon. “For, uh, for you.”

“Oh—” You take it from his hand. “You didn’t have to bring me anything.”

“It’s okay.” Armin smiles, still a bit nervous but also very adorable. “I want to.”

You mirror his expression, turning a bit sheepish without realizing it. “Can I open it?”

“S-sure.”

You carefully unwrap the gift, opening the box to see that it’s the same book you helped carry for him during your first meeting—Virginia Woolf’s Night and Day—only this one is brand new, still completely sealed. Seeing you frown, Armin hastily explains, “You said you never got to find a physical copy of this book, so I thought that… maybe, umm, you’d like it?”

“Oh my God, I love it.” Your heart swells in joy, hugging it to your chest as you thank him with your eyes. “Armin, you don’t know how long I’ve been trying to find one. Where did you get this?”

There was a twinkle in his eyes when he says, “It’s a secret.” And before you can react, Armin leans down and presses the lightest of kisses on your cheek. With a blush painting his face, he slings his bag on his shoulder. “I’ll be, umm… waiting for that call,” he timidly vocalizes before he turns on his heels and walks away.

As he waves his hand goodbye once he steps outside the glassy entrance door, you’re left standing there with your eyes unblinking, feeling dumbstruck.

And your heart races fast.

***

“Stay away from him.”

The message arrived seven minutes ago in your inbox. Just a simple text, four words that shouldn’t mean anything more but an empty threat, yet manages to summon a storm to wage inside your heart.

You’re clueless as to how, but one of Eren’s obsessed fangirls has discovered her way to your page, sending you a direct message to your personal Instagram account where you publish the articles you wrote and the nostalgic photos you shared with friends and families. None of those pictures have Eren’s face on them, as you only want the precious memories you share with him to be privately kept to yourself. And yet, you’re still found out. Maybe she went through the list of people that Jean followed and matched your face from the candid photos that were taken a week before. Whatever it is, you’re too shaken to care about it, because not a few seconds later, another message arrives.

“You realize you’re gonna ruin his career if you keep this up, don’t you? Please stop doing this. Eren has worked so hard to get to where he is now. He doesn’t need someone like you to ruin his image. I know what you’re doing. You’re nobody. All you do is write shitty articles that no one cares about, and so you’re using him to get more attention. You want to be popular, don’t you? Well, keep doing this and we’ll make sure you get the fucking attention you deserve.”

A part of you is consumed by rage, your thumbs ready to type out your anger in the form of “Stop sounding like you’re speaking for his sake. I know Eren better than you ever will and what I do is none of your fucking business,” but you realize it will only add more fuel to the fire. The wisest thing to do is to block her account and leave her for good.

Damn it, this is pissing me off.

And it breaks you too. You haven’t done anything wrong and here you are, receiving threats from strangers. It will probably take not more than a few days before another group of fangirls swarms your account with hate messages like the ones they left on those candid pictures of you.

“Hey, Empire’s new single just got released,” Pieck announces as she settles your frappucino and her iced hazelnut latte on the coffee table. As it is not very hectic today at work, you both have decided to spend your lunch break at the nearest Starbucks, craving some sugary blended coffees and scarlet velvet cakes. She’s busy scrolling through her phone to notice how you’ve turned pale. Which is good, you think as you hastily shut off your phone before you can do anything about the messages and tuck it back inside your coat, because I’m not sure if I want to talk about this.

“Yeah, I’ve heard it.” You force yourself to smile, ignoring the stabbing pain in your chest. You can feel your phone vibrating in your pocket, alerting you that several new messages have just come in. You’re drowning in emotions born from fear, anger, and sadness. Your chest tightening like you’re desperate for air.

“Well, have you seen the music video?” Pieck says, her eyes never leaving her phone. You can hear the song Hero Heroine playing faintly from her phone speakers. “It’s pretty, uh… rad.”

The eerie thoughts of having someone out there hating your guts just because of someone she idolizes still sickens you but you push the thoughts away for now. “I didn’t know they were making an MV for it. Let me see.”

“I don’t, uhh…“ Pieck switches off her phone, casting it aside before you can take a peek at her screen. “I don’t think you should.”

“What?” You frown. “Why?”

“Because I crave for your attention.” She tosses you an awkward grin. “Without it, I’ll die, so talk to me instead.” But when you don’t budge, she sighs in defeat. “Trust me, you don’t wanna see it.”

It’s rare for her to sound so serious and although it scares you, it also lights up the curiosity within you. And after those hate messages you received, you doubt anything could get worse than that.

“Fine, I’ll just use my phone,” you tell her and Pieck separates her lips to speak but decides to stay quiet in the last second, knowing how stubborn you can be. Trying not to be distracted with your Instagram notifications, you head straight to your YouTube app and type in the song title. It only takes a second before a few videos show up on your screen and your finger hovers at the official release.

One tap of your thumb and the video will play but you can’t. Your body freezes even when your mind tells you to move because, on the thumbnail, there’s an image of a couple sharing a kiss. The boy is Eren, and the girl is…

You swallow thickly. Mikasa Ackerman.

“You sure you gonna watch that?” Pieck questions as she notices you hesitating. “I’ll give you a friendly warning here. They’re doing a lot more than kissing in that video.”

Maybe it’s wiser not to. You can tell what it is already from her words but your body betrays you. With a tap, the video plays, and the song—the same song he once showed you at the studio, the one he sang to you in front of a thousand people cheering his name—blasts through the speakers.

The music video unravels like a movie, which is different from how the rest of Empire’s MVs usually play out. There’s no scene with Eren performing with Jean and Reiner on the stage. It focuses solely on the pair of lovers holding hands, sharing giggles between kisses as they walk down the pavements.

With every second passing with your eyes following the loving gaze on his green ones and the sweet, seductive smile on her face, you feel your stomach acid rising to your throat.

Eren has his arm wrapped around Mikasa’s curvy waist, her head falling to his shoulder as they tell stories to each other. Their voices are muted, only the song can be heard. And the lyrics that you thought were written for you have taken a different turn. They have the same words, but they don’t sound the same. They don’t make your heart race, no longer suffocate your chest with joy. They make you feel sick.

They’re sharing ice cream, and with a playful grin, Mikasa pushes the cone until his lips are covered in cream, smearing a little bit to his cheek. Giggling, she runs away with Eren chasing after her. He pulls on her hand and leads her to an empty alley before he pushes her against the brick wall, their smiles never leaving their faces. Eren settles his hands on the dip of her waist as she presses their mouths together, her tongue darting out to lick the cream off his lips. What starts as something playful, turns into lust and the camera cuts away. But before you can take a breath, the next scene appears and they’re undressing each other in a motel room. His mouth is on her neck, his tongue following the column of her throat. She slides his shirt off his shoulders before she pushes him down to the bed, seductively taking off her shirt in front of him. Eren props his body with his elbows against the sheet, biting his lip as he smirks, his eyes following the way her hands are playing with the button of her jeans. She climbs into his lap, head thrown back as Eren trails his lips from her jawline to the valley between her breasts and—

“Okay, that’s enough.” Pieck snatches your phone away, turning it off and this time you let her. The silence stretches between you where you feel like you have a gushing wound in your stomach. You’re not crying but you feel like you’ve been crying forever, and now you’re just hollow inside, unsure of what to do or say.

You don’t want to admit you’re jealous, because you don’t have the right to be. And there’s no reason to be, either. He’s acting out a scene, he’s a puppet with his strings being pulled by his agency. He’d kiss the girl they wanted him to kiss. He’d profess his undying love for another woman if that’s what they ordered him to. He’d sing the lyrics he wrote for you to another girl as if they were meant for her. And he’d let the world think that way too.

But you’re jealous. You’re jealous of every second he spent with her, of every loving expression he sent her way, of every laughter that broke free, of every glance, every touch, and every kiss. It felt different than how you felt when you saw him with Historia. That time, you just wished you could be in her shoes, to feel the sweetness of his plump lips, to feel the warmth of his skin. Right now, there’s anger. You feel like you want to rip her to pieces just because she laid her hands on him and you hate this. This is the kind of person you don’t want to be. How can you expect yourself to be in a relationship with him when you can’t even put a blind eye to something like this?

Pieck reaches out to squeeze your hand. She doesn’t say anything yet but the gesture is enough. She patiently waits until you find the strength to speak. “You okay there?”

“Yeah. Just, uh…” You clear your throat. “A bit nauseous.”

She nods, gazing sympathetically at you. “He didn’t tell you about this?”

Now that you’ve passed the initial stage of shock, your emotions surge like a broken dam and they’re unstoppable. Anger, jealousy, hurt, and worry—they’re all mixed into one giant monster that’s threatening to break loose. “About what?” The bitterness in your voice startles you both. “About him making a semi-porn movie with Mikasa Ackerman—the hottest model out there who has stated publicly multiple times in interviews that Eren Jaeger of Empire was her type? No. But he should’ve told me. Isn’t that the right thing to do?”

“I don’t know.” She tries to comfort you with a weak smile. “I can understand why he didn’t, though. It’s just business. That’s what it is. It’s not like he has feelings for her. Their chemistry is off the charts, yes, but that’s just acting. Didn’t you tell me yourself that he had her numbers blocked or something?”

You’re playing with the fork in your hand, trying to find a way to calm the hurricane raging inside. “Yeah.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about,” Pieck assures you. “Look, you’re sleeping with one of the hottest celebrities out there. This bounds to happen. But if you can’t handle the things he does for a living, then maybe you should stop. You’re still not in a relationship with him. It’s not too late to go back to being friends again.”

Just like emphasizing her words, your phone vibrates again, making a dull clattering sound against the table. Your Instagram notifications show up on your screen, causing the anger you’ve been trying to keep bottled up inside threatening to break free.

“Honey, if it feels too much, just start seeing someone else. You don’t need to keep up with this forever. You can choose to walk away,” Pieck offers, taking a sip of her latte. “Give that cute guy a chance. I bet he can distract you from all of this mess.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, can barely think with your feelings screaming back at you until your mind goes numb. It’s so tempting to just give up. To just go back to being friends with him where you don’t have to feel jealous about this. Where you don’t have to worry about strangers sending you death threats. Maybe you can contain this now, but can you keep this up forever?

“Yeah,” you say, not to anyone else but yourself. “Maybe I should.”

***

Next Chapter

HUGE THANKS TO @justasketch (like always) for reviewing this for me. Stay awesome, bro, I fucking love you.

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAMIIIIII @infnteen this one is for you, babe! (it's already September 4th in my timezone) Wishing you a beautiful day with good health and happiness forever, because you, my love, you deserve it ❤️

Tagging: @tasteless @l6ffys @vivi-et @halparkebitch @fwess @littlemochi @thebeardedmoon @luvtaromilktea @didiyogo @xximthefoolxx-blog @coiloves @erenbean​ @tehehebri @naiomiwinchester thanks so much for reading, lovelies! ❤️❤️❤️ Let me know what you think!

[chibicalzones]

𝐚𝐨𝐛𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐡𝐬𝐚𝐢 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦

⋆° where you transfer schools and join your new high school’s dance team!

...these are also just my personal headcannons if the volleyboys were a dance team instead in which some may or may not be from personal experiences :D 

i was gonna do a fukurodani one first cuz @myhaikyuudump​ ‘s post triggered smth in me but i’ll probs make this into a series!

warning: mentions of bullying but it’s not explicit 

post made by: alex 🍒 

— oikawa

he’s been part of the school’s dance team ever since he was a freshman, which not many can do, and now since it’s his last year, the coach granted him the role as dance team captain 

he loves being captain if that means he can boast about his team that much more, plus he takes his duties pretty seriously 

is literally the type to put “aoba johsai dance team” “ajdt 2020” “dt for life” in every single one of his socials - instagram, twitter, facebook, etc. everyone needs to knows he’s on dance team

as much as he loves his team, they’re more known for and primarily train in hip hop, and he’s part of the handful that is classically trained in ballet

so when competition season rolls around, everyone would be part of the large hip hop dance category that they’re a shoo-in to win, but oikawa and a few others would have to compete in the small categories with 3-5 people in jazz, contemporary, and lyrical. which are usually extremely competitive!

so he’s over the moon to have you part of the team! not only do you blend in with the team so perfectly, he believes that you’re what the team needs to finally win in a category besides hip hop since you’re hands down so talented! 

that way, he can spend his time at nationals actually dancing and not just watching almost the entire time

out of all the members, you probably spend the most time with oikawa 

you expect just as much because you’re both the in the same dances, which is practically every dance. but you honestly do enjoy his company since you and him have a lot more in common, have a similar childhood, than the rest of the members 

oikawa used to dread summer practices and camps but you makes it so much more bearable

would drive you to and from dance practices every day 

all the time that he spends with you, he secretly lets you in on the “behind the scenes” action on being an officer and what he does all year long 

because he’s 100% sure you’ll be captain your third year as well 

is secretly anticipating the national dance pageant so you and him can win Mr. and Ms. Dance together 

— iwaizumi 

he’s co-captain of the entire team but he’s like the unofficial hip hop team captain because oikawa sometimes can’t handle the energy during hip hop practice and iwai just knows the counts better 

he only joined dance team because oikawa dragged him into it but he needed up really liking it by the end 

has casually danced and took some classes over summer to fill his time before auditioning and the odds were in his favor

absolutely loves the friends that he’s made through dance team and is definitely the type to still keep in touch with the alumni after they graduate

he always gets a center moment in every single hip hop dance they do through the years whether it be for competition, concerts, rallies, events - people go wild whenever he’s center!

when you did some research on the school and it’s dance program, you did some snooping on the members page and after watching countless dance videos, he’s the first one that you notice

but meeting him in person was quite intimidating the first time. it took you a couple of weeks before you could actually have a conversation with him with just the two of you

since you hang out with oikawa during dance practices and oikawa hangs out with iwaizumi, you end up hanging out with him a lot too. so you eventually ease up to him

you may be comfortable with oikawa more, but iwaizumi is the one that constantly checks up on you

all these years, he’s seen what oikawa has been through and he sees that in you. he really worries for you because he knows how exhausting it is to be a new member and constantly having to work your way up so you can eventually fill the holes once the third years leave

always takes you off campus to eat lunch or go somewhere to eat after school so you’re energized for practice later that day

he’s the first to give you his number and makes it clear that you can text or call him if you ever need anything

— matsukawa

didn’t expect people to know him for dance team but he’s surprised he’s pretty famous around school

known for the tricks and flips that he does during all their routines 

actually has really good musicality but whenever he choreographs a piece for the group, he doesn’t know the counts 

talks so causally to the coaches as if they were friends but isn’t a kiss up 

thinks summer practices are too tiring and offers everyone to go to his place after to cool off 

strangely enough, you got along with mattsun faster than you did iwaizumi 

when the team started to learn their large hip hop routine for competition back in the summer, you were having such a hard time learning the dance because your body just wasn’t used to moving your body that way

and you didn’t want to bother iwaizumi or oikawa because you knew they’d be too busy looking after the whole team

so during the group’s free time, he would play the music over and over again and practice the dance with you, carefully going through everything section by section 

even gives you an extra key to the dance room so you can practice before school 

you can always count on him for help on any of the dances you’re in together 

yells the loudest whenever you’re on the floor / stage. even when he’s watching from the wings

always tries to make each moment of his last year fun!

— hanamaki

joined the dance team his second year but turns out to be an awesome dancer and makes friends oddly quick

one of the few that auditioned to be part of the smaller group pieces for compeitions and got in

gets a killer turn section and always squeezes in a triple to transition into the floor during improv

despite only dancing for such a short time, agencies have come in contact with him to see if he was interested in signing under their talent agency but he always resigns because that just isn’t for him

all the third years have a solo except for him because he didn’t feel like it was fair that he wasn’t a “third year senior” and that someone else deserves it more

like you!

is amazed at how gorgeous you dance and knows you’ll be gracing the floor with your talent, getting all those gold metals, plaques, and trophies!

he might be a little jealous over you but seeing you being so passionate over the sport makes him work even harder to make himself — and the team — better

absolutely does not and cannot tolerate other people’s bullying towards you. he just doesn’t understand how or why people felt the need to be rude towards you. and have the audacity to voice it out.

one time when he caught a group of dancers from another school talk bad about you, saying nasty things that obviously weren’t true, he snuck behind their back and said in a low voice, “you know those aren’t very nice thing to say” and looks down on them until they run away scared

also deletes any hate comments on the team’s official social pages before you could read any

the very first time you perform your solo, he buys you a bouquet of flowers to give to you afterwards

and then during the end of the year dance concert, he watches you from the wings performing your solo for the last time and he starts to tear up because he’ll definitely never forget this year where he was able to watch you grow

— kindaichi, kunimi, and kyotani 

your #1 support group 

and fan club!

absolutely loves watching you dance

they all joined the same year you did and they’re all slightly jealous of you because damn, how can someone be good at literally everything

it’s almost upsetting >:( but they love you too much to actually be mad

they just have such a deep appreciation for you and what you bring to the team as a whole even though they don’t show it that often

learns a lot from you

when they first watched you dance contemporary and ballet, that inspired them to practice extra after hours so they could be ready for when they have to audition for dances later on the year

the goal is that the trio will be good enough by the time their third year hits and they’ll be the ones on the floor with you performing all the small dances

ever since you guys first met at orientation, you were all attached to the hip in and outside of dance. basically on the same playing field for next three years in terms of fitting in with the team

you’re not in the same classes but you guys all study together at the library on sundays because that’s your only day off

one time, the team was at a competition the same day as your birthday and they paid the announcer to say something like, “happy birthday to our best friend, dance your heart out!” right before they played the music for your solo

and during their last year, they’ll all gather around in the wings as they watch you perform your senior solo for the last time and silently cry together because they’ll really miss you

[words-for-holland]

Happier (6) | T.H.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: A deep conversation between Tom & Y/N takes place. Tom offers a solution to Y/N’s problem, but does she take it?! Can Harrison convince her?

A/N: It’s a rather short chapter but a lot of Tom & Y/N action!! I absolutely love reading all your therories and comments! Thank you guys so much for reading & sticking around!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Betrayal

Its a vile word for the people you trusted your life with. Still in a state of shock, Y/N couldnt understand why Katie would have betrayed her like this. To think she was her best friend through thick and thin, always having each other’s back...it all seemed meaningless. Now here she was, packing up and trying to figure out where to go from here. London wasn’t an option and neither was the city with the rent being so high up.

As if her path was written by the stars, Tom had decided to call her the moment she started zipping up her bag. Y/N knew it wasn’t a good idea to answer, but it was almost instinctive in the moment. Truthfully, she needed someone. Someone to tell her it was going to be okay. “Hey, look. I know you probably hate me after the last time we talked on the phone like this, but I just wanted to say Im sorry.” Tom’s voice spoke softly through the phone as he let out a slight chuckle of nervousness.

Y/N smiled slightly as she listened to his voice. It was the most conforting thing she had heard, and could only imagine his voice wrapping around her to make her feel some sort of ease. “Yeah. No it’s um..it’s fine, really.” Y/N responds trying to calm her breathing after sobbing for the past hour.

“Yeah I guess, you were right. Maybe I was just jealous, because..I mean you already knownhow I feel. But you’re your own person so I can totally understand why you’d want to see new people. After all you broke up with me and—” Tom started getting more nervous as he continued to over explain his reasoning, but Y/N didnt seem to pay any attention as she lets out what was bothering her.

“Kate’s been crossing us.” She interrupts.

“Wait what? What do you mean?” Tom asks now more concerned, pushing the phone closer to his ear.

“She leaked information about Natalie staying thats where the rumors came from and she sent those pictures of Matt and I to Natalie’s publicist.” Y/N says as she closes her eyes.

Tom was more confused and in complete shock. Not understanding why Y/N’s most trusted best friend who do this to her. “Y/N...I dont know what to say..I’m sorry.” He replies, feeling defeated that there was nothing he could do, especially since she was so far away from him. Even if Y/N would have rejected his advances, he knew she needed him...now more than ever.

“Don’t be. It’s fine.” Y/N lies as she sits down on the bed, silently crying.

“No, it’s not Y/N. I know you’re hurting and I wish I could be there to do something about it.” Y/N smiles at his words. For every sad and painful moment, there would always be some sort of comfort. Tom was hers. For a moment...just one moment, she forgot about all the terrible things that happened. The betrayal, the rumors, Natalie. The moment felt like it was meant just for Tom and Y/N.

But not all moments last forever. Y/N’s phone went off, alerting her of a notification. In fear, she thought the unknown number was ready to leave another threat for talking to Tom, but it wasn’t. Though it was just a simple Twitter notification that came up, it showed that Tom and Natalie were out again on display for the Public. Casually flirting back and forth, with pictures of their social media interaction with each other. Her heart sank even more..if it was even possible.

He was still with her, even if it was pretend. Y/N thought back to when Natalie first arrived to stay with them, and how she slowly tried to flirt her way and spend time with Tom. She thought about how well they worked and looked good together, and how she left Tom saying “You’d be happier with her.” While it was all under the unknown’s plan to say those exact words, Y/N couldn’t help but feel some sort of truth to it. Certainly, she wasn’t happier with everything thats happened, but for Tom...at least he still had a chance to be happier with Natalie.

“Y/N? You still there?” Tom asked through the phone, when he didn’t hear Y/N say anything for a good while.

She shook her head to stop her thoughts as she replied, “Yeah...still here.”

“Oh okay. Good. I thought you hung up on me.” Tom laughs nervously. “Look, uhh maybe we should focus on what you’re gonna do. So do you have a place to stay?”

Y/N looks around as she sighs in defeat. “No. I’d find an apartment but the rent is so high here in the city especially for those that live alone, and I really dont feel like moving back in with my parents right now.”

Tom listened to her dilemma closely, when he offered without hesitation, “Come back here.”

“Tom, you know thats not an option nor a good idea for us. I told you we needed space, and I certainly don’t want to live under the same roof with a girl your fake dating at the moment.” She says in digust, voiced laced with anger.

“Calm down, Y/N. Im just offering you a solution and I could make sure you don’t see her. It’s a big house after all.”

“It’s not happening.” Y/N says quickly to end the dispute. Y/N stops to think about her other option, one Tom make not very well like. “Maybe I could ask Matt. I know he doesnt live too far from here.”

“Okay, now you’re being delusional. That’s definitely not happening.” Tom scoffs, as he thinks about the sickening idea. “I don’t want you near him.”

“You cant tell me what to do.”Y/N snaps at him. “Just like I’m not telling to stop being near Natalie, let alone enter a PR relationship.”

“Well at least Im being honest and open about it and not hiding it like an immature child.” Tom fires back. Y/N was at a loss with the way he responded to her. While she did keep it secret, deep down she knew it was for his own good..but he would never know. “Im sorry. I didnt mean it. It’s just...I wish you were more honest with me..with everything. It hurts you know.”

“Yeah..” Y/N whispers on the phone, feeling guilty and upset by where they’ve ended up. “I know. I’m sorry too. I want to be honest with you about everything but I cant for good reason.”

“No reason is good enough, if you have to keep secrets from people you love.” Tom says bluntly. “Look Im not gonna make you choose where you want to go from here. It’s your decision and life. Im just saying my door is always open for you...no matter how many times you hurt me.”

“It’s not your obligation Tom. I’ll be fine with whatever happens to me. I have to be, but thank you.” Y/N says as she bids him farewell.

As Y/N grabs her stuff and heads toward the door so do Harrison and Harry. “We booked a hotel for a night, if you want to stay with us.” Harry says as he tried his best to smile for her.

Y/N does in return and nods. “Yeah. Okay let’s go.”

Harry, Harrison, and Y/N made it to Aviary Hotel in silence. No one was sure what they should say to the other, when everything had gone to shit in the past month. Once everyone settled down, Harry decided to go down and grab food the group, while Harrison stayed to watch over Y/N in case she needed anything. “So, you told Tom, Im guessing?” Harrison asked, sitting across the other bed as he watched her intently.

Y/N nodded not saying anything as she brushed her hair avoiding eye contact. She thought for a moment deciding if she should tell him about what really happened in the phone conversation. “He and I fought..kinda I guess. I told him I didnt have a place to stay and he wanted me to stay with you guys, but I said it’s not a good idea and then I mentioned Matt, and everything went downhill from there.”

“Wait why not? Why can’t you stay with us?” Harrison asked.

Y/N gave him a look as if he didn’t know the reason already. His blue eyes shifting from surprise to realization. “Right, I forgot.” They sat in silence for a few seconds before Harrison interjects again. “You know, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. I know Natalie and the unknown number still poses a threat, not to mention risky, but it’d be unexpected for them.” He offered.

Y/N thinks hard about it, her brows furrowing. “Yeah okay...but how does this that make it any better knowing that Im living with my ex-boyfriend who is also living under the same roof with a girl that he’s fake dating not to mention your childhood friend, and may very well be the other person terrorizing me.”

Harrison looks at her as he rubs his face in embarassment. “Well..when you put it that way.”

“Harrison, you can put it in any other way you want, it’s still going to be a bad idea.” She says.

“Look just think about it, okay. Its a big house, and you can use the attic room upstairs if you dont want to see anyone and have schedules until we can sort all of this out. And if it bothers you that much I even have a friend that lives close by who also needs a roommate herself.”

Y/N looks at Harrison skeptically, as he weighs out her options. “You really out here trying to find a way to make me stay with you guys and leave home huh?”

Harrison smiles as he combs back his dirty blonde hair. “No, Y/N. This here?” He points out arms wide, gesturing to the room to represent New York. “It was your home. Your real home, whether you want to believe it or not, it’s with us back in London. I know everything has been rough between you and Tom, but we’re going to find a way. I promise.”

Y/N sheds a tear, as she hears Harrison speak. He was right. Home just didn’t feel like home anymore. Not without them, but as much as she wanted to say yes, the odds of it being okay were against her...that couldn’t be ignored.

“So what do you say?”

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