#& idk if i should go to a doctor bc generally speaking it is literally only a cough. like it realistically could be allergies. & normally i

[lokigodofaces]

if i could stop being sick for five minutes that would be great

[crguang]

ok honestly im kinda done w genshin atp, like the story is okay, the whitewashing tho is pissing me off tho, um idk, i like the game play, and also i gotta get to sneznaya or wtv when that comes out. and did u just not like the sumeru characters bc more of them are men.../j i still dont have yelan or arle very sad...they're like top 10 genshin characters for me, i was too broke to pull for them when they were running

ALSO that's not what i meant abt natasha, like as a character shes good and i like her, and her story is good, i dont dislike her, what i meant is that i cant be attracted to her, like idk...bc all the stuff u listed i should like her, so like idk. i dont skip story, i did her sq, so maybe it is just the fact that shes a doctor, like that was how she was presented at first and i just cant look past it ok... my mom was a doctor so i just cant...my mommy issues strike again, and i just dont rlly like doctors in general havent had good experiences w them before, so i cant be attracted to one...idk, like ik shes like way more than that. and i did get a few adds for her so its prob that as well that kind messed with my perception of her at the beginning, the only hsr adds i every got continously was kafkas trailer.

tbh i shouldve realized i liked women when i saw kafka dragging her fingers across a wall wish i was that wall with like her voice in the background and that was what made me decide to play the game. they know what they're doing...

speaking of which i got her other two messages, shes ridiculous, like i cant believe she can just go to a movie theater like that, and her checking up on you...i did scream. shes pathetic... honestly her being into phycological thrillers makes sm sense, so she was def seeing one of those. and i think shes exposing herself bc of both of the reasons you listed (also like it being on a burner acc incase she gets rejected...i obviously wasnt mean to her tho).

honestly im just shy sat okay...thats why im an anon, but it is funny, since we're all reading ur smut, and thirsting over everyone together.

i did sleep i promise, i dont really like taking medicine, again doctor stuff, but i'll been taking some melatonin bc last night it took be 3 and a half hours to sleep and ive been drinking tea and stuff, but ill be going to sleep after this. wish me luck.

-🌠

i also wanted to last until snezhnaya like i remember a few years ago when the first fatui trailer dropped after inazuma and my entire timeline went crazyyyy, people who didn’t play the game anymore got back into it just for the fatui like they really united everyone… but since the characters and stories dont do anything for me now i personally never feel like playing. and yes i actually was so bored with sumeru because im not interested in men at all dhfjgkgk but also the whitewashing there pissed me off and how they nerfed dehya and made her a horrible standard character was so annoying like i didnt pull for a single sumeru character 😭 arle/yelan is an insane duo, my yelan is great cause shes been my main for years so she doesn’t need anyone but adding arle is just cheating fr. look at my favs beefing (clorinde was there for the friendship points😪)

i thought you disliked nat because you said your friend thought you disliked her bc she was a doctor, but it makes sense if you’ve had bad experiences with healthcare professionals and are reminded of them when you see doctors. personally i love when people who work in healthcare actually care about the patients they have because it’s quite literally life saving and sooo many of them dont give a fuck, that’s why i adore natasha a lot. it’s totally fine if you’re not attracted to her, you don’t have to be!

kafka’s trailer changed my brain chemistry and i can recite it by heart from how often ive watched it. they definitely knew what they were doing especially with these shots like can i please be that guy… i’ll take the bullet too idgaf. AND YES THE MOVIE THEATER SHES SUCH A LOSERRR, THE “my life is an action movie btw lol haha” when the tb says they like action films is so ridiculous. i need to look up her other answers but when she said the action movies lacked immersion i pat myself on the back for writing that she likes psychological thrillers over horror or any other genre like i know her for real… im literally inside her head.

im glad youre sleeping even if it takes a little while!! hopefully your internal clock stops messing woth you and allows you to get some good rest

[teddybeartoji]

okay i'm the anon of the asks that generally end up w "have a nice day/night" (i think i'm the only one that used those words specifically at the end of each ask?)

OKAY SO FEMTORU. YES. BUT ALSO FEM SUGURU

i had so many daydreams (i daydream h24 istg) and i imagined once poly satosugu x reader relationship as one does

relationship is good fluffy etc wtv THEN BOOM. GENDER SWAP. or like reader progressively going insane imagining them as girls cuz she craves pussy or whatever and drew lewd lesbian stuff and they found it and found a way to change their genders ANYWAYS.

rlly am glad i have the body of a girl cuz i KNOW i'd have a boner h24 otherwise andthis imagine wouldve made me EXTRA HARD

like???? OMG AND AND

THE POSITION WHEN YOU, AS A GUY, LIKE. SORRY I CANT FIND WORDS BUT I NEED FEMSUGURU TO SIT ON MY FACE WHILE FEMSATORU RIDES ME TIL MY BALLS ARE EMPTY. THERE. I SAID IT.

i actually fantasize abt this position quite often it makes me so sad i dont have a pp like i just KNOW it would feel like heaven on earth omg...

anyways so yeah i think u should consider femsuguru too just cuz he mothered so hard so imagine his fem energy good lord i'd do anything like actually anything

ok so idk which emote to claim and i'm very indecisive so you could pick one for me :33 or not, just know that i'll always end my asks the same so u'll recognize me anyways unless someone else starts doing the same but generally the asks you get aren't full blown books like i do 😓😓 sorry for that btw ut may be caused by my multiples degrees and doctorates in professional yapping

(btw i am done with a considerable amount of my exams, thank you for the encouragement it really came through! <3)

have a good day/night!!

READER GOING INSANE BC THEY CRAVE PUSSY PLSS😭😭😭😭😭 real. i get that. OK BUT NONNNIEEEE🙈🙈🙈 MAY I INTRODUCE YOU TO THIS GLORIOUS THING CALLED... THE STRAP. THAT WAY YOU REALLY COULD HAVE FEM!SATPRU BOUNCING ON YOUU:3333 TRUST ME IT FEELS VERYVERYVEEERY GOOD <33333

THIS POSITION IS GODDDDLLLYYYYYY BTWWW🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴 fem!sugu would definitely ride your face like she wouldn't just stay there. she's grinding and humping your face, making a proper mess out of you<3333 and fem!satoru is just crying her pretty eyes out because you feel sooooo good:(((( poor thing:((((((( oh i need them so fucking badlyyyy good goddddddddd

and omgggggggggg never apologizee!!!!!!!!!! that's literally forbidden here in loserville!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! talk more speak more!!!!!!!!!!! have more fun!!!! this is what we're here for afterall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehehee ilyy!!! OHHH ALSOOO HOW DO YOU FEEL ABT A SUN EMOJI??? ☀️☀️☀️ THIS WAS THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MIND WHEN I THOUGHT ABT WHAT SUITS YOU HEHEHEHE

[uwumessenger]

random headcanons i have for each om! character teehee

hi it's been a while since ive posted some hcs bc uni has been kicking my a$$! luckily i only have a few papers to tidy up and im done. here r some hcs for each obey me character that ive accumulated over the past few months wink wonk

most are random but some constants you'll find are what i think they smell like, languages they can speak (other than their native (demon/angel) and eng/jp), and music tastes !

lucifer

i have a strong feeling that he showers twice a day: in the morning after waking up and at night before going to bed

his cologne is probably the type that will last in an elevator for like a week after he uses it once. i dont think this mf ever smells like anything other than his cologne

has a secret folder on his phone of semi-nudes and other scandalous pics from when he felt sexy at the time omg

aside from demon language/eng/jp he can speak french and knows latin

listens to classical stuff yea but he also listens to diavolos mixtapes (re: diavolo's section)

not a fan of sweets but will eat sweet things when craving

really bland sense of humor...borderline cringey 😭✋🏻

mammon

has gone to google images and searched for "inspirational quotes tumblr" "gold aesthetic tumblr" & "relatable crush post tumblr" then reposts it onto his socials or just taps thru them and giggles bc he relates

his cologne doesnt last as long as lucifers and probably smells common. he has to reapply a lot but it's a people pleasing smell. it's cheaper hence the constant reapplying

he probably does have an expensive bottle but is the type to totally overspray...eek

he is canonically a car guy 🥲 and probably tells the one in his room good morning & good night + kisses the hood every once in a while. has tons of car magazines

he doesnt really speak other languages but has attempted to learn spanish before

listens to whatever is on the radio. doesnt rly stan anyone but he eventually will listen to mc's playlist and mc's playlist ONLY

levi

lurks on mc's socials ALL THE TIMEEEE like he will rewatch ur stories and scroll thru ur feed and overanalyze ur tweets/rts or blog posts. if ur mc isnt the type to use sns much he still googles ur name all the damn time just to find any sites u might be on fjdjdjdjskks

probably streams on whatever youtube or twitch devildom site equivalent there is, but only has like 40 or so followers. which he is okay with!

until he sees someone else who gets more attention than him. then the envy starts kicking in bad. especially if they suck 🧍🏻‍♀️

classic gamer boy smell. you know, sweat, tears, must, and (sometimes) axe deodorant. lucifer has to do a scent check before he goes out to any event & lets him use his cologne. how sweet!

kpop stan!! more girl groups than anything and his ults are probably GIRLS GENERATION, wonder girls, twice, loona, & red velvet

cried when ioi disbanded and refused to leave his room. the only thing u could hear was downpour on loop at full blast

can also speak korean & communicate in echolocation like dolphins 😏

satan

listens to country music you cant change my mind

smells like whatever environment he is in. he doesnt really have a designated smell just throws some deodorant on and goes about his day.

he's sooooo bad at driving...gets road rage way too often so his license has been REVOKED

but hes totally a backseat driver. needs to be sedated on long trips

do not let him watch finding nemo when luke asks to watch it. it's not worth it. he will cause mass destruction.

if he was a human or lived long term in the human world he totally has the ability to be a doctor

is studying as many languages as possible, but he mostly knows latin & french & german etc etc. wants to learn all the dead languages out of curiousity

asmo

dont think this mf has ever held down a relationship. ever

he doesnt compromise much & is not willing to change his lifestyle to fit an s/o into it. you keep up with how he lives or it just isnt meant to be (but dont worry! he'll eventually learn...maybe,,,,)

has the hardest time out of everyone when it comes to breaking bad habits

his smell varies bc he uses a variety of perfumes (whatever is the most popular at the time) but he probably sticks to floral and fresh scents. he never uses generic people pleaser scents like mammon

listens to electropop, mainstream pop, & some alternative rock

as for languages he too knows french, spanish, italian, etc. in general, if it's a romance language he knows it!

opposite of lucifer in the sense where he loves sweets and will refrain from eating too many bitter things

i think we all know that asmo is the biggest rockstar of the group! he's probably been in a boy band at least once, but now he makes his own music

has tried to teach mammon how to sing once. ended up in a broken piano and bleeding ears...

beel

i feel like he is SO SHY

like unless ur close to him he will not start conversations or anything

i think he listens to r&b a lot ! and jazz 😎 maybe rock as well

smells like ur typical athlete with undertones of wet wipes. he carries them around bc he likes to clean his hands before he eats & is prepared for when theres no sink nearby

he can drive and he drives really well. no rough turns, parallel parks perfectly, and never has problems with merging

driving with beel is probably really soothing. left hand is steering the other is gripping ur thigh 😫

dont think hes really fluent in any other language but hes probably semi fluent in korean because levi wanted beel to help him out

definitely know how to order food in practically every language tho HAHAHA

belphie

he reminds me of randall from monsters inc

smells kinda musty IM SORRY but not the way levi does hes more like the kind of musty u feel or smell when it's a shitty morning

but that's only because hes so lazy, when he cleans up hes like satan

has definitely murdered multiple people before. mc is not the first 😐✋🏻

with that being said belphie has been put into prison at least twice when visiting the human world, the mf had such a strong hatred for humans theres no way he never got into trouble before

lucifer probably broke him out and they used the pen thingies from men in black to erase everyones memory of that 🙄

dont think he listens to anything other than music that'll put him to sleep. really likes lazy song by bruno mars but thinks that bruno mars put too much effort into the song. should have been one acapella verse and then finish

similar to beel hes only semi fluent in one language, probably french bc of lucifer. doesnt remember much but knows a couple of lullabies and bedtime stories

the sandman used to be his bff until they drifted. they do, however, like and comment on each other's sns posts.

diavolo

once he found out who nicki minaj was he became her #1 stan

def an ariana grande stan too 😌

choreographs dances when hes stressed...idk just seems like a diavolo thing to do

also makes rly bad soundcloud rap music sometimes. turns to poetry when hes feeling emo but only lucifer knows this. barbatos is suspicious of him but doesnt have enough evidence to confirm.

his dad is like hudson abadeer from adventure time aka marceline's dad? something must have influenced him to want to unite the 3 realms + he would need the approval to do so, so his dad must be more chill than all the others before him 🧍🏻‍♀️ IDK ok anyway

currently going through his hamilton phase bc of mc. whether mc's intent was to get him hooked onto it or just to explain it bc of something he saw online, he tells everyone that he found out abt it bc of mc!

this man cannot drive his skills are only second to jumin han

not too fond of many languages but knows the widely spoken ones like spanish, mandarin, etc. if it's taught in high school he knows it

smells like a las vegas casino. not sure why but i feel like he does. but there's also an interesting & nice smell to him if he embraces you. it's a smell you cant quite identify. but it smells nostalgic, it's mysterious, and it's tempting.

barbatos

very calm demeanor but underneath hes WILD hes probably done everything at least once oof

he just has a lot of control and stability over himself (must be nice!)

on a more angsty note i feel like he might have had his heartbroken sO BAD IDK he is hurting and maybe that's why hes so willing to obey diavolo and not abuse his time lord power thingies bc he learned his lesson the hard way

mans is so smart he knows every language you could switch languages mid conversation with him and he wouldnt be thrown off. he'd probably start speaking it too.

BUT HE SPEAKS VIET P E R F E C T L Y

listens to the same stuff as lucifer but also likes eminem. likes the movie 8 mile but criticized it heavily

have you ever been to a chinese herb shop? naturally, he smells like that. his room probably smells like it too. he doesnt really have a significant smell like some of the others

when he bakes he smells like whatever hes baking tho

one of the few out of everyone listed to have been able to travel to literally everywhere

solomon

was probably on kitchen nightmares once, but only to get feedback from chef gordon ramsay. then he used his magic to prevent the episode from airing...

was in an orchestra, one of the best times of his life. played the violin. asmo watched him in the audience once, but didnt approach him until well after that performance.

he CANNOT sing. he can, however, rap.

doesnt listen to music. he listens to podcasts! but every now and then he turns on background music, but prefers it to be instrumental stuff

never wears sunglasses. also does not have a driver's license. cannot drive a regular car. could maybe fly an airplane.

due to his immortality he has learned almost every language to exist, but finds himself speaking mandarin the most. knows most dialects too

similar smell to barbatos but u can also smell some sunscreen on him too. like, generic beach day suncreen

he has a lot of pact marks, so he once had the idea to match foundation to his skin. it took him two weeks but he eventually perfected a combination. yes he will help u find ur perfect shade if u ask him to

simeon

another country music man. has also made a tiktok or two to that one song that goes "he cant even bait a hook." they are private tho

angel country music exists and simeon invented it

if he visits the human world and wears more causal clothing he probably tucks his shirt into his pants

wears a speedo at the beach i tell u, speedo at the beach

he can speak german...i can feel it

uses his pointer finger to type and holds the phone like 2 inches away from his face so sometimes his nose will push a key hence all his typos

has no signature smell. he simply smells like your favorite scent all the time. if multiple people are around him at once, everyone smells a different smell. it's pretty rad

"what does he smell like to himself?" u may be asking. hmm...a church? 💀

luke

his first pet was a goldfish and a few months before the exchange program happened, he was given a koi pond!

secretly likes hanging out with levi sometimes just to play with henry. makes him miss his pet fish back home

so his favorite movie is probably finding nemo and he threw a fit when nemo touched the butt

luke is probably learning german bc of simeon, though he'd like to learn more of the dead languages just for fun

i dont think he listens to music often or has any preferences, he just listens to whatever is playing on the radio

but he finds himself listening to the music mc listens to

smells like freshly baked goods all the time. or fresh laundry. but like, not combined. just depends on the day

[lovedcult]

happy birthday to the bestie @summerlost​​ 💗💭 !!!!!!!!!!!!!  jia. 🙈 what a crazy year it's been. all these memories we've made together. girl you crazy 😫but im not even about to put all that on tumblr 😂. congrats on another trip around the sun, im so proud of you ❤ love u girlie see u at the club LMFAOO😂❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉 

( jk ur real bday message is under the read more ilu HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABEY )

literally me preparing this message just hours before ur birthday but i was determined to have it ready by the time it hit midnight for u so HERE I AM HELLO 🤍 going to try and make this letter heartfelt and cute because we never say things like this to each other but u really have become such an important person in my life in such a short time u just mean very much to me and i really do want you to know just wonderful and special u are to me !! we have only known each other ?? like 5 months ? is that right ? girl idk but within those 5 months we have managed to talk to each other like every single day except maybe 2 days isn’t that so crazy ? so i want to thank u for always keeping me company and crying over txt with me and just being such a warm source of happiness in my life, it really has been so wonderful to get to know you and to be ur friend 🤍 

going to list some things that you’ve done for me that maybe you don’t know you’ve done for me but you deserve to know .. i know i said i was gonna get mushy here but good ness .. anyway it’s so nice to wake up to messages from u everyday and to go to sleep after talking to u all day and knowing that i will have a friend whenever i need it like fr i don’t know how we do it because i am usually so bad at communication rip ..... it has just always felt so easy to talk to you and we clicked right away and there was never a moment of awkwardness like there can be when first meeting someone which thank god .  i’m more comfy with u than i have been with some friends i’ve known for 5+ years and i think that says a lot about our friendship as well as you as a person. we talk literally all the time and it just makes me so happy, i look forward to talking to u every day 💗 whether its about our ships or personal lives or random shite or my godson pumpkin it never matters to me, i am just so happy you are here and that i get to know you

did you know i like never listened to taylor swift before meeting u ? apart from that one time i saw her live in concert when i was like 12 but i don’t even remember that NSNSNSN but i’ll have you know the songs you’ve showed me are special to me now and i enjoy listening to them and she will now forever remind me of u! i have a tendency to try to get into things and like what my friends like so just know whenever you show me stuff i will file it in the heart shaped jia folder in my brain and keep it there forever. literally no matter what it is. tht goes for pacrim too that was so random but i became obsessed with it right after u showed it to me and i’ve actually watched it twice more after we watched it together <3 speaking of, i hope we can have more movie nights together or just cute lil kosmi dates in general because they are so fun and we have a watchlist piling up already so we should crack that open when we can … whenever ur nawt busy being a doctor or whatever

reminds me; do u remember that time i panicked because i ate burnt chicken nuggets and u told me i was gonna get c*ncer ? girl fun times NMDCNBJSAKFJSFJSDV just so you know i WILL be directing any of my future health concerns to u because i might just break otherwise bc i don’t know how to survive and we don’t want that i don’t think so glad i have a smart sexy big brain friend like u in my life

i hope you have a wonderful wonderful wonderful day today which you just might because it’s also txt comeback today ( u fuckin lucky bitch i cant believe they are obsessed with u ) you deserve it so much !! you work so hard all of the time and i know school can be stressful as well as life but i really am so proud of u because u are doing great things and it will all pay off. u are never alone through any of it either so when it gets too hard u will always have me beside u !!! promise !!!! i love u lots !!!!! even tho ur a gemini !!!! but ur my gemini !!!!!!!

also want to mention how just WONDERFUL it has been writing with u omg ??? we have 11 official plots going on rn as well as a bunch of unofficial ones and it has just been the loveliest experience getting to write and ship with u with every single one of them and it’s just been so fun. u are such a talented writer and u put so much effort and thought into all of ur muses which i immensely applaud u for. you should know this already though considering i am vocally in love with all of them ( when jungjae finally d words i will be coming to sweep up sooyeon i really dont care what u have to say its out of ur hands ? let it go ) … jia best rp partner .. i’ve never had a writing partner that gets so involved with our plots the way you do with me and shows the interest that you do and it means so very much to me, i feel very lucky and im forever thankful u messaged me the day u did and introduced urself because i am a scared bitch and probably would have just admired u from afar on the dash instead <3 i hope we can have 327234 more plots and ships in the future because u have managed to make each of them so special. 

i feel like this letter is so all over the place but am i gonna go back in and make it prettier ? naur because im a mess writing it so ur getting the full heidy emotional love spill experience .. this is the first bday im spending with u so i had to write u this & let u know just how much u mean to me . literally thinking abt u all the time and am always hoping u are happy and having good days on the other side of the world <3 ur just that wonderful. thank u for being my friend beyond the rpc and i hope the future can bring us even closer together !!!! i love u so much stinky ( with affection ) stay sexy ......... <33333

us btw

[makotokyoqoku-archived]

🔥 DC's rogues gallery

literally aside from harvey, mad hatter, and maybe riddler, none of them are mentally ill, most of them are cishet whites, and really fucking boring or just make me want to kill them.

scarecrow's entire character is to be a fucking asshole to everyone because he enjoys exploiting people's deepest fears / make them relive a trauma. like no thanks fuck off you smelly rat's ass.

blackmask is just a mobster who traumatizes sex workers.

deadshot is really just so, so boring hes not even worth being salty about.

hush is just a wannabe harvey dent but without the mental illness and law degree. hes just worthless and pathetic lmao get a fucking personality instead of being a copycat—he literally killed his own parents and had a complete surgery bc he wanted to be & look like bruce. he wanted bruce's life. that's just fucking pathetic.

the penguin is also just a mobster like theres absolutely nothing interesting about him at all and most of the time it's just the fandom fawning over him and blowing everything he does put of proportions just to give him a compelling personality. (the same case as scarecrow.)

hugo strange is... literally the embodiment of a doctor's entitlement over a patient, it's scary.

clayface—all of them except for the lady clayface—are just... so boring.

literally 3/4th of batrogues are the very definition of boring me to sleep.

there are a few rogues that are really funky and tbqh the ones that are like the cavalier, clock king, and calendar man are interesting just bc of how fun their entire gimmick is—turning into theft for profit after the failing of your own private museum and your entire rogue gimmick is basically a musketeer from the 16th century? hell yeah I love that. committing a crime at specific dates like valentine's day or christmas? I'm into that. using clocks & time-related gadgets to be a thorn in your rivals' sides because you blame them for the death of your terminally ill sister? *chefs kiss* ugh that's what I'm talking about right there.

the only major bat rogues that are valid to me are harvey dent, poison ivy, lady shiva, mister freeze, and bane. (the alghuls go w/o saying of course.) sometimes I'm ok w the riddler mostly bc I love how he just. loves puzzles.

edit: I just realized you said dc's rogues gallery not specifically batrogues I'm so sorry goejfoks

I really really love the flash rogues because they're just minding their own business! they're just petty criminals and vibing w each other!! they're honestly so fun to read I love them. they're all so valid.

the superman rogues are like... man. you really want to kill a wholesome man just bc hes following the law and keeps stopping you from destroying the earth / universe for your own personal enjoyment? lmao grow up.

lex luthor should, must, and will die. I have sowed the seeds and I will speak this into existence. I fucking hate that white bald bitch. hes also really antisemitic bc he, a multibillionaire, wants to kill superman, a jewish immigrant—lex is literally just Jeff Bezos but make it comics.

mxyzpltk is so so funny I love that funky 5th dimensional imp.

the only valid superman rogues: mister mxyzpltk, cyborg superman, silver banshee, and bizarro. that's it.

I love all of the green lanterns' villains honestly.

idk much about the arrowfamily rogues but you know what? I love onomatopoeia. hes such an interesting character I wanna know more about him!!

count vertigo should not be a rogue. I really dont get why hed become a criminal when hes literally a royalty like ????? make it make sense.

in general, dc comics is really fucking ableist with their villains bc a lot of them are disabled one way or another and they need help instead of like, be imprisoned. most of them shouldnt even be rogues to begin with!!

send me 🔥 for unpopular opinions.

[dillydedalus]

books i read in october

will i even read anything this month? MAYBE NOT (i did.)

der gang vor die hunde (going to the dogs), erich kästner  the restored full text of kästner’s fabian, a satirical novel about late weimar berlin and how it is.... going to the dogs. it’s witty, everyone is dancing (and uh, fucking) on the edge of the abyss, fabian sees the end of europe everywhere he looks, but my favourite bits were honestly kästner’s incredibly sharp & funny postscripts (one to the moral censors, one to the art critics - ‘this book is not for confirmees, no matter how old they are’), and the blurb calling berlin ‘der zärtliche moloch der moderne’/’the tender moloch of modernity’. 3.5/5

hier ist noch alles möglich, gianna molinari longlisted for german book prize. a short novel about a woman who decides to become a nightguard at a rundown factory where a wolf has been seen (maybe). mostly, it’s ramblings about borders/boundaries, intrusions and separations of space (the wolf coming into the factory, the fence of the factory, islands etc). it’s interesting, but it’s a bit too long for what it did. 2.5/5

when hitler stole pink rabbit, judith kerr i’ve had this book for like. probably 15 years? god. anyway, somehow i never read it and picked it up now to get it off the unread shelf. it’s a fictionalised account of kerr’s childhood as a refugee after her jewish family leaves germany just before the nazis come into power, and their struggle to make a living and find their place in the countries they escape to. it was really well-done, not overly didactic or sentimental & i should have read it as a kid i guess! 3/5 

die liebe unter aliens, terézia mora short story collection. i listened to the audio book, which only has 5 of the 10 stories (which i didn’t know before), so that’s a bit disappointing. anyway, the title means ‘love among aliens’, but sadly there were no aliens :(. just alienated people trying to find something/themselves/etc. i liked mora’s style, but the only story i rly liked was one about a japanese prof who falls in love with a goddess. 2.5/5, gave it 3/5 on goodreads bc i only heard half the stories 

buried in the sky, peter zuckerman & amanda padoan i find mountaineering disasters morbidly fascinating & am kinda obsessed with them (throwback to last year when i read into thin air & told everyone who’d listen not to climb everest & they were all like.... wasn’t planning to but okay??). k2 is only slightly less high than everest but much more difficult technically (all the climbers r like.... oh everest is so easy i wanted a real challenge like.... k). anyway this book is focused on a particular disaster on k2 during which 11 people died, as well as on the position, history, culture etc. of the indigenous ethnic groups that live in these regions & work for mountaineering expeditions (Sherpas being the most well-known but there are others as well!). since the authors weren’t on this expedition, it’s not quite as harrowing and immersive as into thin air  but it’s still plenty harrowing! horrible deaths! the deaths of the high altitude workers were incredibly tragic & while obvi the mountaineers’ deaths are sad too, i feel like they know what they’re getting into & they’re not doing it out of economic necessity but for like... fun? the rush? pride? idk. but anyway if you don’t wanna die... don’t go into the DEATH ZONE. it’s literally called the DEATH ZONE DON’T GO THERE. anyway yeah i find everything about extreme mountaineering super fascinating & terrifying & this is a good one, tho into thin air would be still my #1 rec. 4/5

wenn es nur licht gäbe, bevor es dunkel wird, iunona guruli tbh i mainly got this on overdrive bc i hadn’t really read anything from georgia (the country in the caucasus, not the american state). it’s a short story collection (mostly about/set in georgia but written in german) on themes like drug abuse, gendered, sexual & domestic violence and depression, so... not much fun here! there is a dreamlike quality to some of the stories which i think contrasted well with the quite dark themes, but overall the stories were too similar & blended together too much for me, and sometimes the style seemed a bit too laboured. 2.5/5 

unter weißen, mohamed amjahid really good, persuasive & engaging examination of racism in germany, accessible without being basic. i haven’t really read a book like this about specifically german racism and its particularities, especially one so recent (it was published in 2017 & the context of the ‘refugee crisis’ is rly important). amjahid (who’s a journalist with die zeit currently) works w/ a lot of personal anecdotes and they are uh. horrible. like, one chapter is about the paternalistic side of willkommenskultur, where he goes to munich train station to interview volunteers welcoming refugees and some of them immediately cast him as ‘helpless ignorant refugee in need of our benevolence’ & dehumanise him to the point that they don’t even register that he’s speaking to them in german like. fuck. 4/5

desintegriert euch!, max czollek (actually finished this a bit later but it goes well with the amjahid book) while amjahid discusses racism in germany both in general terms and specifically islamophobia, czollek focuses on german antisemitism and advocates for disassimilation & alliances between different marginalised groups in rejection of german ‘leitkultur’. also he talks about daniel kahn in a chapter on jewish revenge & i love daniel kahn. 4/5

the white guard, mikhail bulgakov (tr. from russian) look, the situation in kiev after the russian revolution and the multiple military take-overs of the city is interesting and all (tho incredibly confusing if like me you don’t know who any of the factions are or what they want), but where’s the devil? where are the witchy vibes? where is the demonic talking cat? 3/5

der vogelgott, susanne röckel so this was shortlisted for this year’s german book prize and i can totally see why. it’s disturbing, compelling, has a lot of conceptually interesting weird stuff going on and it almost really worked for me. it’s a story about three siblings haunted by a strange & horrible birdgod after their father, a hobby ornithologist and taxidermist, kills a bird he shouldn’t have. while the siblings live very different lives - one goes to a fictional african (?) country to work for an ngo, one is working on her doctoral thesis on a medieval german painter, the third is a journalist researching strange fears and dreams that are troubling the city’s children - all of them become entwined with this birdgod and the cult(s) surrounding it. my problem is mainly that the book uses the ‘too horrible to describe/comprehend’ trope way too much, which is effective the first few times but eventually wears off & just becomes annoying and like.... so what?? also, the first sibling’s chapter uses some very colonialist tropes about the savage religions and customs of the uncivilised natives, and while there is an attempt at subversion here (e.g. the same cult being present in medieval germany apparently), it didn’t feel like enough for me. but overall this is a really interesting, disturbing little book. 3.5/5

king lear, shakespeare (for uni) honestly... i expected more from this, tho to be fair reading it in a rush for a seminar (that ended up getting cancelled anyway) probably wasn’t ideal. overall i just.... didn’t feel anything about anyone (except the YAAAS BITCH vibes for regan/goneril/edmond’s shenanigans), many characters’ choices & actions didn’t make sense to me & i was disappointed that cordelia wasn’t a character as much as a ~pure selfless angel for lear to have feelings about. 2/5

currently reading: the bloody chamber by angela carter which i’m high-key loving, white dancing elephants by chaya bhuvaneswar, also two comics/graphic novels: john lewis’ march series and saga book one

[shotfreed]

Another Munday Prompt Except This Was Made On a Sunday Because I’m a Rebel

Remember to repost, not reblog!

Name: Jade

Prefered pronouns: he/him

Selectivity: p selective apparently??

Favorite animal: Siberian husky I miss my floof kids

Favorite muse you’ve had so far ever: hmm probably literally none of them. Maybe Libertus Ostium?

Muse you kinda wanna pick up: literally all of them I'm so inactive rip. I really want to get on Ridley Duchannes. Give her an OW verse idk.

Most identifiable fictional character: oof difficult... I usually ignore characters I am like in favor of ones I like. I've always had an affinity / identified with Jaden/Judai Yuki I guess. Admittedly a little bit of Lena Duchannes in her artistic but isolated spirit, being outcasted and Ethan Wate with his suffocating small town trapped feelings. They're from same series Ridley is from.

What color your aura is/think it is: red of some sort. Either metallic or a deep maroon.

Personality stuff you agree with (astrology, mbti, Hogwarts house, etc be as specific as you want!): Aries sun, Cap moon, Scorpio rising has pinned me well. ENTP lmao. Chaotic Neutral with spices of Lawful Evil. 356 ennegram. I forget all my wings. Slytherin biiiitch. Wand make up was super legit tho. 12 3/4 inches. Cedar w/ Dragon Heartstring core. Slightly springy.

Do you think you’re a good driver: I'm better than not, I guess. Generally speaking I'm pretty passive but I do tend to speed. Not like 55 in a 35 but like 40-45. So normal ish?

Favorite minor discourse (pinapple on pizza, what color is the dress, etc): honestly ice cream w/ fries amuses me. It's not even disbuted anymore but it's funny to me. RAISINS ARE GROSS. that's a biiiig discourse in my family. Torbjorn is a valid support healer covince me otherwise.

Favorite vine and/or meme: hi welcome to chilli's.

Why did you choose this muse: because I didn't like him. Now i hate him.

Favorite rp memory: realizing @cafveinated 's mun was in this fandom like !!!! ROOK !!!! bc we've been in a mutual fandom before n I love rook :')

Favorite thing you’ve written, in rp or not: IM SORRY ALL MY SHIP MUTUALS BUT I LOVE @thexdragonxbecomesxme THANK U FOR INDULGING ME IN THIS AU AND THIS IS PROBABLY THE ONLY TIME A SHIP WILL GO OKAY.

A line/lyrics/quote/etc you like or that means a lot to you: "One step at a time," is one. "Just live. Live until you find a good reason to." Seraph of the End, actually. That one means a lot to me. Finally probably the biggest but most like... difficult to explain context is a lyric from Nickelback's "Far Away." "I love you, I have loved you all along / and I forgive you, for being away for far too long."

Give a shout-out to someone: @loosedhope for just like????? Being a real good friend like dude wow. You've genuinely made a huge positive impact on my life in the short time we've known each other. Thank you for advice and ear you've lent (all the too many times) I FRIKKEN LOVE MALLORY we should plot more RIP im lame. Ty for indulging my ot3 and for having such an awesome soldier76, jack, and hopefully a third mans for my muses EVENTUALLY UHHHHH LMAO I love the people I've met through this fandom but like I probably wouldn't have done this much with my muses if not for u I promise I'll get on max too FML HAHAHAHAH

Tagged by: me. I made this on my main lmao.

Tagging: everyone. All the aforementioned. @engclsgleich @nichtangell @raddare @strike-at-the-heart @scxtterarrow @seethroughdragoneyes @kitakaze-no-ryu @shinbou @haltandhug @indiana-gold @the-rad-doctor and @floweringeclipse just tag me on libs or main smth LMAO <3

[srlkiller]

Do you think you are a narcissist?

No but my mother is one. Generally tho when you’re raised by a narcissistic parent (i was an only child as well) you literally think that their behaviour and actions are completely normal and believe that everyone acts that’s way. it wasn’t until i was invited over to my friends house for dinner in like grade 6 that i realised something was wrong but i was too young to obviously pinpoint it. i have only started to truly realise this within the last 2 or so years with the help of several doctors, social workers and psychs. some have also met her in the session with me. and they actually brought it up to me that she is a true narcissist and therefore she will never change her way of thinking ect which is basically why ive tried to hold on and work in things with her for all of these years hoping things would get better but.. nope. i know a narcissist as soon as they interact with me.. i study this shit. Oil bleievbeh red frerrr add

i know my mental health disorders pretty well.. and i am far from narcissistic.. i put everyone first and leave myself behind. and if you’re talking about physical appearance.. i don’t like how i look in any capacity.. ive had 5 surges.. i have a lot of scaring now. and there will only be more. i started getting diagnosed ect when i was like 12 maybe. originally it was just the usual major depressive disorder, general anxiety and avoidant disorder. i think then bc of my actions and shit throughout the years the next psych i saw added more things to that list. then i was referred to someone who works at a literal mental hospital.. but she was amazing for a years then idk what happened. she is the one who really deep dived into all my issues and really listened to me. she again added more diagnosis to the chart. she wrote them on a piece of paper & gave it to me saying this is what she is diagnosing me w n that i should really google it and learn about it. one was a personality disorder the other was complex ptsd. idk where u got narcissist from bc like… ive been pretty much ghost and mute for like a year now and everything i write is either depressing type shit because im trying to hold onto what little family i have left that do love me and do care about me since i was little as they are literally dying and losing themselves cognitively infront of me. i love very hard, i care maybe too much about the people I do love sometimes, i put everyone before me which has been a big issue in my life that I’ve had to work on bc i would always just spend all my money on others and not care about myself at all. and on an extreme level.. there is no one in this world who could ever hate me more than i hate myself. If you’ve seen American psycho, that’s a great example of someone with a high level of narcissistic tendencies… poster boy for narcissist personality disorder.

This is the criteria physiatrists use globally to determine whether someone is a narcissist’ or not. If you meet atleast 5 of the 9 criteria they make their decision. if you go above 5 then they would probably diagnose you with NPD after speaking with you for a while.

“What are the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)?”

In the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), [1] NPD is defined as comprising a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by the presence of at least 5 of the following 9 criteria:

A grandiose sense of self-importance

A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions

A need for excessive admiration

A sense of entitlement

Interpersonally exploitive behaviour

A lack of empathy

Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her

A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

hot take

if you’re gonna write a story that takes place in china

maybe actually do the research abt china???

fair warning: if you like really like cinder and/or marissa meyer you may just wanna sit this one out

in these trying times of lost innocence of childhood and being more aware of social justice issues, i find myself being very critical of the entertainment media i consume

esp when it comes to representation, bc representation is important to me. and it’s becoming more and more important to me the older i get, as an asexual chinese-american woman. i’m still on the fence abt no rep v. bad rep, but this isn’t what this post is mainly abt

i’m currently reading cinder, by marissa meyer for my book club

and i just...i have a lot to say abt it. a lot that i really gotta get off my chest before i feel i can continue to read it

i’d preferably like to talk abt it with my friends (and maybe i will when the time comes), but i’d have to wait until june 1 and finish the book. as i said above, i really have to get this off my chest before i can finish it, so here i am, screaming into the void

so to begin, and i usually comment abt this when it comes to A LOT of east asian rep i see in entertainment media: my beef with the combination of east asian culture to mean one (1) asian/east asian culture

in this case, a combo of east asian cultureS (plural) into one (1), which would be china

honorifics

there are honorifics in china--like you definitely want to apply the correct honorific to your authority figures (i.e., parents, teachers, doctors, bosses, etc.)

and that part of china’s culture was taken, and then adapted into japanese culture today, HOWEVER, the way it’s used in japanese culture today is very different than how chinese ppl use them

okay so disclaimer real quick, chinese is my second language, and i have not taken up learning japanese, and am i’m going off information i’ve learned from my friends who took japanese as their second langauge; so the information i provide here may not be precisely accruate (hence, having trouble finding better words to explain this)

a lot of china’s honorifics aren’t as “““specific”””--for major lack of a better word--as japan’s

they have mr., miss, mrs., teacher/master, doctor, etc., and, in general, it’s custom to use them bc they are important--authority and hierarchy is v important to collectivistic cultures

japan has “““specific””” identifiers that are often, if not always, used to identify any of those older, younger, or equal to you

senpai, -chan, -san, -sama, etc., as well as other identifiers as placeholders for the person’s name to communicate who they are in relation to the person speaking (e.g., oniisan, oniichan, oniisama)

how honorifics are used in cinder is almost completely wrong, not just in culture, but also through translation

from meyer’s website:

-dàren: for a high-ranking official today is simply means adult, or grown up. it can be used as a respectful honorific toward superiors, but it mostly just means adult. archaically it did mean “your/his excellency.” but again, today, it’s mainly used to refer to an adult. and i imagine however far into the future this book takes places, they’d use it the same way??? but i mean i guess if they went back to imperialism

-shìfu: for an older male this is actually master (as an honorific, such as teacher is, or to specify a very qualified worker). sometimes it can be used to address strangers, specifically older men (not necessarily specifically, or often, used for an older male)

-jūn: for a younger male idk where she got “younger male” from bc it’s mostly used as a measure word. it can be used as an honorific, but translates to “your” not younger male. had she been going by the “honorifics” she uses below, it should be dì, which comes from dìdi (弟弟), which means younger brother (but not necessarily younger male)

-jiĕ: for an older female my best guess is this is derived from jiĕjie (姐姐), which means older sister (not necessarily older female)

-mèi: for a younger female once again, she probably derived this from mèimei (妹妹), which means younger sister (not necessarily younger female)

these specific pinyin (more specifically the last two/three) that she picked cannot be separated from the other pinyin that help to identify them. jiĕ and mèi don’t exist by themselves in the chinese language (compared to -chan, or -san do in japanese), and therefore do not translate as such in meyer’s book. not to mention, multiple characters can be applied to jiĕ and mèi depending on the context and other pinyin/character next to it that helps form the word, or helps distinguish the context

she perhaps simplified these honorifics a little too much. so much so in fact that they lost their meaning. quite literally

and, as i said before, these honorifics aren’t used like they are in japanese culture/language. you don’t tack on honorifics behind someone’s name (like a suffix) as they do in japan. the whole honorific (not just half of it, not like a suffix) comes after someone’s name, such as Lín lăoshī (林老师), which means Teacher Lin. or replaces their name entirely, such as tā shì wŏ de dìdi (他���我的弟弟), which means “this is my younger brother” (as opposed to, “this is bob, my younger brother” or variations of that same sentiment)

names

now, in this futuristic world, i can understand if there are names from other countries (esp. other east asian countries)

however, if your crown prince’s name of china has a japanese name...i’m probs gonna call you out on it. esp bc china and japan don’t have The Best history. now maybe they’ve worked thru it after all these yrs, but still

he’s the crown prince of china

he’s mostly just refered to as prince kai. which i would be okay with if it was just that bc kai is chinese

however, his full name? kaito. kaito is japanese

rikan? japanese. like wtf, if your the emperor of china, you should probs have a chinese name. i mean, you’d think hope?

iko? also japanese (i admit this is being a lil nit-picky, bc cinder or adri or whoever is free to name their android whatever-the-hell they want to, i’m just saying)

and i mean, i guess i can see names from other countries in the real world too, but you have to remember china has the largest population of ppl in the world, so the chances that there are ppl within a certain district who don’t have chinese names is v slim (esp bc you have to take the hsk to show you can contribute to society in china before they grant you a visa to live/work there).

compare that to cinder’s district, where we have cinder, adri, iko, peony, pearl, sacha, fateema, and dr. earland. oh and then the lab tech named li, who’s most definitely the only one i can assuredly say is chinese (and i would hope looks chinese)

now, again, bc it is the future, maybe more (like A LOT more) ppl have moved to china lbr tho, they’ve moved back to imperialism, why would you choose to live there? but i’d still be bitter abt it regardless, bc like china, in theory, should have chinese ppl? w/ chinese names??? i imagine it’s still a p big country in this future

optics

i really wish cinder looked chinese. this is more of a personal thing, and i get that genes aren’t so cut and dry, and if she’s a lunar, then yeah she probably won’t look completely chinese

but a girl can dream for representation other than just mulan ya know (not saying mulan sucks or anything, but it’s like, kinda the only thing i have so)

esp bc the book takes place in china. and she is said to be at least mixed “““““asian”””””

i also wish the fucking prince looked chinese--his skin is fair according to the wikia

bruh

why are you so afraid to make your main characters brown

on a more serious note, and this is getting really nit-picky (kinda) again, but i really wish meyer had put more thought into dr. earland’s character. okay, now, i haven’t finished the book so the good doctor may, in fact,,, be...a...good....................doctor..............?

but my point still stands in that dr. earland comes of as very sexist (with undertones of racism, wheeeeee) bc he hates fateen (who has dark skin, btw) bc she’s taller than him

and he’s also super creepy (as in, “where i’m from, that’s called pedophilia” kind of creepy) bc of his strange interest in young, teenage (cyborg) girls...

yeah

and okay, again, i haven’t finished the book, so maybe he’s supposed to come off that way

but an old, white dude showing too much interest in finding a young woc? not v good optics, regardless of dr. earland’s character yeah?

the fact the fateen points this out does absolutely nothing (aka lampshading).

if you point it out, but continue to fall into a harmful stereotype, you are still perpetuating the stereotype. full stop

misc

i say “misc” but most of this really falls under criticism of the author herself, misc is just shorter

i think it’s great that she’s taking this age-old fairy-tale and putting it into my place of birth, bc representation means the absolute world to me. also i really like this idea that the first telling of cinderella took place in china like fuck yeah, steal that white disney princess from the europeans

but i really wish you’d do it right

in her faq, she apologizes if she got anything wrong, but that’s like putting a band-aid over a bullet wound

how much research is research? did she just google a bunch of stuff, or did she sit down and actually talk to ppl from china? or chinese-americans who have kept their chinese culture?  participate in chinese culture to gain a better understanding?

going by the fact that she wrote cinder in a month, she probably stuck to google

which...i mean i guess i’m glad she made the effort, but it woulda been nice if she’d, after getting a book deal, consulted chinese ppl and edited what needed to be edited yeah? i know she did a little editing, but she said the whole process took 3 months from the time she found an agent to getting a book deal, so like...i’m willing to bet she didn’t sit down with some chinese folk and talk abt their culture (and so on)

and look, it’s really not that hard. and, sure it may delay when the book gets published, but at least it’d be more accurate. and better representation.

rather than falling into what most ppl do these days (i’m looking at you miraculous ladybug) and combining all the east asian cultures to make one (1) culture, and call it--not even east asian--but asian

as if that one (1) monster culture that’s mostly made of up east asian cultures could speak for the variety and diversity of a total of 48 countries, and their respective cultures, that are within the asian continent

now, this whole “calling it asian culture” isn’t meyer’s fault--it’s a side-effect of our society. like i get that, and i’m not trying to put the blame solely on her shoulders

but she still perpetuates it by choosing not to talk to chinese ppl abt a folk tale the may have originated in china, in order to ya know, make it more accurate to china. considering it takes place...IN CHINA

[altruistic-meme]

alright my dudes, this post is going to go deep. in it, I'm going to talk about some rather triggering content. under the cut I'm going to tell you about my personal experiences with the mental illnesses I have and just basically try and give you an understanding as to why I sometimes act the way I do. so if you care to read, and reading won't in any way negatively affect you, then click that read more. if not, feel free to scroll on, no hard feelings. sometimes you aren't feeling up to reading dark shit and I can respect that, I get that way too. now, with minimal further preamble, the undercut and what lies beneath...

(potentially triggering content includes: discussion of depression and anxiety and  mentions of self-harm and suicide.)

well hello there, and welcome to the undercut. I'm about to take you on a journey through the messed up part of my mind. I'm gonna try and keep this short and to the point mostly.

A QUICK THING; it's probably going to be very incoherent, and if you are confused about something or would like more information about something, do feel free to visit my inbox or messages and ask! a lot of people are very uncomfortable talking about this stuff and lbr, I kinda am too, but I'm making an effort to speak up more about it, and to reach out a hand to those who need it, as I never really had one put forth for me. so do not be shy to ask about anything, that's what this post is about, hm?

let's just jump right into this, shall we?

HERE WE GO; I HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER AND MILD-SEVERE DEPRESSION.

neither of which are fun, lemme tell ya. (and I am totally in awe of people who have either or BOTH and are out there, working and being an adult in general like damn. u strong. go u.)

a disclaimer before I continue: this post is about MY PERSONAL experiences with these illnesses. this is NOT a post about the general symptoms of these illnesses. if you relate to anything I say in this post, I'm v v sorry that you are going through this, bc it's hell, not gonna lie. anywho, I had better see 0 bullshit about "oh, you don't have x bc you don't do/feel blah blah blah" not everyone goes through the same stuff, dipshit.

moving on.

symptoms yayyyy;

Anxiety: -I am extremely socially anxious. -this means going up to the counter to ask for a take-out container for leftover food at a restaurant? u m no. -talking to strangers? no. -it is also really hard for me to talk to little kids or older folks. -and then there is also; feeling anxious (wow) -having 209745 worst-case scenario's go through my head. -trying to sleep and instead having my brain interrupt and tell me "hey ya know what's cool? thinking about how you could mess up x" -actually that happens a lot. -a general thought process for me; "am i good enough? do I look okay? do I act like an idiot? am I charming or stupid? am I cool or a know-it-all? I talk about myself too much. what else can I talk about? them, talk about them. but that doesn't work either. I don't know what to say." -not fun. -and that is just what came immediately to mind. there are lots and lots of different variations. -don't even get me started on how doing my school makes me feel. -and a metric fuckton of second-guessing. -no panic attacks yet but I have felt like I was close to having one often.

Depression: -just. suicidal thoughts. let that sink in a minute. -also thoughts of self-harm. -like there are days where looking at a knife will make me want to cut and I have to hold knives on a daily basis pretty much so not fun. -can we see that self-deprecation?? yeah we can. -constantly wondering if my family loves me. -don't even get me started on my friends. -hiding in my room bc it's literally the only place where I feel kinda safe from myself -except for when I remember that I have scissors in here. -enjoying things I used to love whom?? -times where I have to take a minute to psych myself up for little tasks like carrying my dishes to the sink. -i n s o m n i a. all over. -some days I lose all will to eat, or just my appetite as a whole. -motivation?? don't know her. lack of motivation is the only one here.

ah, yeah, let's stop there for now.

another interrupty thingy!!: bc I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume at least some of my friends will read this, there are two things to assure you of; YES I know you love me but depressions goggles make it hard to remember that sometimes. and PLEASE don't freak out over the first 3 items on the depression symptom list I'm fine. I will explain in just a sec.

okie? okie.

so now ya know! not fun! kinda terrifying actually!

"oh, well, Ac, why don't you just try sleeping more? or going outside more? or drinking water? or eating regularly? doing yoga?"

all very good suggestions. yes, they CAN help improve mood, but at the point I am at, they aren't going to help much.

and for the sleep part, lemme tell you, I KNOW FULL WELL that I should sleep more. but guess what? I can't. like, I can. not. sleep. I want to sleep. I enjoy sleeping, I enjoy being fully awake during the day and I enjoy not feeling and looking like a fucking zombie. but you know what? Anxiety and Depression by themselves usually make it harder for people to sleep. combined? I'm fucked. sometimes, yes, I get a regular amount of sleep. but also sometimes I don't. I'm not yet sure what it is that triggers me into either cycle, but they can last from two months to four days.

and OK. I get that you have your ways of making yourself sleep. but you don't understand. I have had to sit through the same speech from my mother about "just picture a blank wall" 6. TIMES. your methods are yours, and while I'm very glad they work for you, it is highly unlikely they will work for me.

okay now, if you got worried when you saw the first 3 symptoms under Depression: I really do appreciate your concern, and I am touched that you care. I'm not going to say it's ok bc of course it's not, it's very not ok, but it is something that I am and have been working on. the first time most of these thoughts hit and hit hard was November 2017, and immediately after I calmed down from them I decided that I had to talk to my mum about going to therapy.

this started a kinda long process including telling my gf, my friend, and my sister before telling my mum. and then of course when I did tell her in December we weren't able to actually try and setup an appointment until January due to being out of insurance. and ofc after that we find out that the recommendation I had gotten the previous year for anxiety was expired and this resulted in me having to go back to the doctor, then to the ER bc that was the only way to get their on-hand therapist to come that day, and then I had to spend 2 hours there bc they were v v concerned and I was almost admitted for a few days bc of my thoughts.

and yeah, it was a mess.

but I do now have a therapist who I've been seeing for a few weeks, and we have a safety plan in place, and he was v v impressed with my knowledge on coping mechanisms and just my symptoms as a general.

random story: when I was maybe 14 I had already self-diagnosed that I had some sort of Anxiety disorder, and I mentioned it out loud in front of my two sisters and one, who had had panic attacks that had sent her to the ER before, was like ah, yeah. and the other one, who as far as I know STILL doesn't have an anxiety disorder let alone had one back then, said basically "no you don't. god. like, I believe that you have anxiety bc everyone does but you don't have REALY anxiety" which is, ya know, why she didn't know why I was going to therapy until my mum told her several weeks in (and even then idk if she evens knows the full reason, but she hasn't asked me so fuck that)

anyway, i'mma try and wrap this up now!

tl;dr, basically; I have Anxiety and Depression. I have had suicidal thoughts (in the past and recently) but I am working to get rid of them, and until such a time occurs, I do have a plan for if they show up that will result in me being protected and safe. I have coping mechanisms and I use them whenever I feel like I need to, and sometimes when I don't simply bc I enjoy them. I'm currently in once a week therapy with someone who let's me talk and laughs with me when I crack a joke and listens to my stances on issues. I know that you have your methods for things, and I'm very glad they work for you, but do NOT try and force them on me.

I hope you now understand a little bit more about me and why I sometimes react to things the way I do.

have a great day, month, year, life.

~Ac

[lillysleepilystudying]

92 Questions Tag

tagged by: @court-ships (now @bujo-ie )

LAST: 1. drink: probs water (tbh i dont like water much but you gotta sTaY hyDrATed) 2. phone call: i ran out of credit ages ago and haven’t bothered to recharge it so i haven’t called anybody recently, but mum has called me, so i guess that counts. (actually thinking about it i can’t remember the last time i called someone) 3. text message: to my best bud (cause i was wallowing in the depths of despair for like 3 weeks cause i felt like she was ignoring me so i finally got the courage to text her about it last night :) i think we’re going to be good) 4. song you listened to: K I’M LISTENING TO TEAM BY LORDE RIGHT NOW AND I LOVE IT FOREVER AND ALWAYS  5. time you cried: tbh like last weekend (see point number 3)

HAVE YOU: 6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anybod 8. been cheated on: nup, thankfully 9. lost someone special: i have lost relatives but i never really knew them? i have lost quite a few pets tho :/ 10. been depressed: not ‘officialy’ but past couple weeks have been bad (once again, see point 3) 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: never been drunk, only ever had small sips of alcohol (i’m way to young)

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: ohh so hard i don’t really have a fav, but i guess all blues (with and emphasis on teal) and like nearly all pastel colours.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: yeah, but not like super close 16. fallen out of love: nah 17. laughed until you cried: maybe, but not very much 18. found out someone was talking about you: i don’t know? like this one isn’t very clear 19. met someone who changed you: sort of, i became closer to best bud, who i guess has changed me a bit 20. found out who your friends are: yes, but like also no? one of my few good friends left (for england of all places, but she is coming back), another’s moving schools, and once again see point 3 for other friend 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: no lol i don’t even have facebook

GENERAL: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: see point 21 23. do you have any pets: YESS SO MANY a dog, two cats, like 8 horses (only one’s mine tho), 3 ducks (one i’ve had since i was like 4), around ten chickens... yeah i kind of live on a farm without all the big herds (also a lot lot smaller than a farm lol). fun fact: we used to have like 7 peacocks, they’re actually the coolest birds to have around. 24. do you want to change your name: no way, i actually quite like mine :) 25. what did you do for your last birthday: pool partay! tbh i went way overboard with the decorations, i spent hours making little paper flowers for everyone (they looked pretty cool, actually) 26. what time did you wake up: probs like 6;30, but stayed half asleep until 8:20 (shhh it’s a sunday i can do what ever i want 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleepinggg (sadly without my radio on bc mum wanted me to ‘try sleeping without music’ mum how i can i i need it ON 28. name something you can’t wait for: DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL #BILLISBACK GET PUMPED!! also PINOF 9 and halloween baking videos from dan and phil, also, any album coming out from any of my favourite artists for the next like 104585 years. ALSO I’M GOING TO MONGOLIA IN LIKE 2 WEEKS HOW DID I FORGET THAT 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like half an hour ago we were running about in the rain putting the horses back in their yards 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: world peace, there are too many people (and animals) that are a victim of unhappiness they will never deserve

31. what are you listening to right now: A WORLD ALONE AKA THAT LORDE SONG THAT I RELATE TO ON AN OTHERWORLDLY LEVEL 32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah, there’s one in my grade and he speaks fluent french (at least he did last time i checked which was like 2 years ago) 33. something that is getting on your nerves: tbh like all homework ever, plus this giant self-directed project we’re doing this year, it’s the most stressful thing ever. also, once again see point 3 34. most visited websites: umm i guess youtube, school’s home page, tumblr (although i’m mainly on mobile for that and that’s an app) reddit and ao3 (one my phone)

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. mole/s: nah not really 36. mark/s: nah, but i got beeg stretch marks on the sides of my hips bc i am gROWING FAST 37. childhood dream: i think a vet or zookepper. also i really wanted to publish a book that said ‘new york times bestseller’ on the front bc that’s what all my favs said on them (tbh i still dream of this) 38. hair color: blonde ayyy (but it’s getting darker underneath) 39. long or short hair: i guess medium - long (little below my shoulder blades) 40. do you have a crush on someone: not really i haven’t had one in literal years unless you count that time i sorta thought i had one one on my best friend even though im 98% sure i’m straight 41. what do you like about yourself: my creativity, like i’ve learnt not to say ‘oh i’m horrible at art/writing’ when i’m actually not that bad. also, i’m a total weirdo 42. piercings: confession: i don’t even have my ears pierced yet?? like, i do want them pierced, but i literally can’t be bothered atm lol 43. blood type: idk, although i did get a blood test like last monday, so i should know soon 44. nickname: i don’t really have any (there’s not much you can do with ‘lilly’) although i have one friend who calls me lilpil. 45. relationship status: single and probably staying that way for a while :) 46. zodiac: capricorn (but i don’t bother with zodiacs bc i am NOTHING like a capricorn) 47. pronouns: she/her

48. favorite TV Show: OMG I HAVE SO MANY BUT I’M A FRIGGIN HUGE DOCTOR WHO AND SHERLOCK FAN COME SCREAM ABOUT THEM TO ME also if you ship johnlock that’s even better!! 49. tattoos: none 50. right or left hand: right handed 51. surgery: nope 52. hair dyed in different color: never done, probably never going to (i change my mind ALOT) 53. sport: tbh i hate sport but i do horse riding and with school i do sailing and hockey (bc a summer and winter sport is compulsory)  55. vacation: OK LIKE I SAID I’M GOING TO MONGOLIA AND I CAN’T GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH BUT I DID HAVE TO APPLY TO GET IN AND I’M RAZZED 56. pair of trainers: i’m not to particular, i just have shoes for sport (alTHOUGH, i do have an awesome pair of white sneakers with a bit of gold round the back)

MORE GENERAL:

57. eating: it’s father’s day and we had a GIANT breakfast and lunch so i don’t know if i’m even having dinner 58. drinking: i could KILL for a milo right now (it’s like, my version of tea or coffee) but parents have stopped buying it because ‘there’s too much sugar’ TIM I DON’T CARE I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT 59. i’m about to: idk i need to practice guitar, work on my bujo (bc i’m super behind), keep writing my fic, and i guess other general stuff 61. waiting for: nothing really, it’s sunday night so i’m sad bc it’s monday tomorrow 62. want: lots of things (who don’t amirite) but one is getting my bedroom walls gyprocked and painted (they’re wood panelling and i hate it) 63. get married: tbh whenever i meet the right person :) 64. career: FILM DIRECTOR YO i know nothing about film but i still really want to do it.

WHICH IS BETTER 65. hugs or kisses: OMG HUGS HUG ME PLEASE 66. lips or eyes: eyes, literally everybody’s eyes are beautiful, it’s great 67. shorter or taller: taller 68. older or younger: older i guess 70. nice arms or nice stomach: nice personality ;) 71. sensitive or loud: sensitive, like me tbh i’m so sensitive raise your voice at me and i will burst into tears  72. hook up or relationship: relationship always 73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, also like me

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. kissed a stranger: definitely no 75. drank hard liquor: nopeity no 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t have ‘em 77. turned someone down: technically yes? there was this new kid at school and he was literally asking every girl out, i was a bit confused. 78. sex on the first date: definitely no  79. broken someone’s heart: sadly i think so (but we’re like best friends no so it’s all good) 80. had your heart broken: no 81. been arrested: no 82. cried when someone died: yes, aforementioned relative i barley knew (still sad tho)  83. fallen for a friend: sortofnotreally

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. yourself: yes, at least i try my very hardest 85. miracles: in a way, yes 

86. love at first sight: not really

87. santa claus: when i as like 3, yes 

88. kiss on the first date: maybe?

OTHER: 90. current best friend name: ezri, my smol bean (also person from infamous point 3) fun fact: we’re both pretty sure she’s named after her character from star trek, ezri dax (her parents are giant nerds just like ez and i) 91. eye color: blue/gey with a bit of green 92. favorite movie: ARGHHH I CAN’T PICK I HAVE SOOO MANY, LIKE EVERY ONE BASED OFF BOOKS I LIKE, i really can’t pick, but one that is quite special to me is ‘my house in umbria’, my grandma and i used to watch this together all the time

Ok whoa this took me LITERAL HOURS but now that i’m done i just want to tag anyone who wants to do it! :)

[betterbooksbureau]

Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton

This was a hell of a ride tbh.

Readability: *shrugs aggressively* i found a lot of the language to be a lil dry but it wasn’t, by any means, a chore. There were a handful of big blocks of text that took a little effort to get through, but even then those were mostly shorter sentences, so even my adhd ass could keep track of them.

Re-Readability: it’s probably fine but i dont know why you’d bother when there’s a movie you could watch.

Reccomendability: see re-readability

What I Expected: I mean i’ve SEEN the movie but it was so long ago that all the things i DID remember were either things i know thru cultural osmosis or that were prompted by the reading of the book.

What I Got: i mean honestly it’s fine. Like with The Martian, the Jurassic Park movie seems to me to be a pretty reasonable adaptation, so I got about what I was expecting. Was actually sort of surprised bc, while i dont generally speaking expect dinosaur things to be super scientifically accurate, he DID hit a lot more nails on the head than I had expected. (theres still some stuff that was changed for what is, as near as i can tell, narrative purposes.)

Overview and Thoughts, under a cut bc it got very fuckin long:

ok so. Lets get some general stuff out of the way right here at the top; we have an entire main cast of white dudes (with the exceptions of Sattler and Wu, who are a woman and, i think, asian respectively,) most of whom are described as “skinny” or “slender,” like, ok dude we get it, and then one of whom is described as “fat” and frequently referred to as being, like, messy/a slob/constantly making a mess while eating so, you fuckin know. good show with the fatphobia man.

and then, like, there’s a handful of women with speaking parts but they all exist in this sort of “women can definitely be strong talented powerful people but also there can only be one at a time and also i still want you to know they’re hot” kind of way. Dr. Sattler DOES have one very good zinger wherein the lawyer is like “oh i didnt know you were a woman” and she says “these things happen” and i’m like “yass get him” but that’s about as feminist as this novel gets.

There’s also, like, a reasonable number of black and latinx background characters (which is good bc like, it DOES take place in Costa Rica or w/e) but most of the explicitly black ones are literally maintenance workers, often without names, and, like. idk. at least the crowds were the color they should be, but also? fuck that, gimme some more poc in the main cast.

also for real? a whole story about the doctor in the very beginning of the book probably would have been way more interesting. Gimme Ellen and Manuel or w/e their names are tracking down what the fuck has been happening to these construction workers and burning Hammond to the ground with their bare hands.

Lets get to the Good Shit tho:

i had literally completely forgotten about Alan Grant. like COMPLETELY. i spent maybe the first third of the book being like “i’m pretty sure they collapsed grant and malcolm into a single character bc i dont remember grant At All.” and then i finally looked it up and no, my memory had just been completely overwritten by screencaps of Jeff Goldblum.

I love Grant so fucking much though, lets be extremely hecking clear here. My man Grant: loves his work, would hate Ross Geller, love children, loves dinosaurs, DOUBLE LOVES children who love dinosaurs, just wants to learn more things about dinosaurs and dinosaur children, i could go on. Let Dr. Alan Grant Harvest Dinosaur Bones In Peace 2k17.

also? i hate Ian Malcolm a fucking lot. He was introduced and he has spoken maybe 4 lines and i was pretty much immediately over here like “this is the most pretentious fuckboy i’ve ever read in my life.” if my dude was a shakespeare character he would die and come back to life to give a final monologue about the folly of mankind, ok, and its made even more insufferable by the fact that he’s one of maybe like 3 people in this book with ANY sense. but, he does make a pun about his broken leg so, like, i can’t hate him all the way.

the kids are fine, i like them fine, dont have any huge issues with how they’re written tbh.

Hammond has this interesting arc where you slowly find out more about how he thinks and he makes this transition between “this man reminds me of my grandfather” and “oh. this dude is deluded as hell.”

i think we’re meant to read Nedry and Gennaro as bad guys but, like…. honestly if i was Nedry i’d probably feel the exact fucking way he does and i could super easily see someone doing the exact things he does!!! like the only thing i would do different is maybe not shut everything down when theres guests out and also maybe take a map with me when I leave to make the delivery but, like, imho its completely justified. and Gennaro- like. idk i think its difficult to make a solid decision when you’re in his position and i felt like he really pulled his weight re:helping hammond get shit done and i felt like grant and co treated him really unfairly toward the end there bc its a complicated af situation and he’s……………….. one of the first people who A: knew what was going on and B: to whom is occurred that maybe it was a bad goddamn idea and they should pull the plug. like? not entirely without blame but lets be real here he got his shit together about what a mess it was the fastest of anybody other than Malcolm.

I mentioned above that i was sort of surprised about the accuracy of the science? all in context and speaking comparatively, of course, but like there are still people /today/ who dont believe that birds are related to dinosaurs, so it was good as fuck to see my boy being on top of that shit that far back. it seemed to me a lot like the inaccuracies that were there were a mix of “stuff we just didnt know yet” and “for dramatic effect” but like, struck me as reasonably solid tbh.

there WAS one part that i found to be exceptionally hilarious where hammond was like “the market would never tolerate anyone charging a thousand dollars a treatment for medication!” and i just…… shhhhh nobody tell him the state of healthcare in the united states…….

anyway!! it was fine. i wouldnt buy this book, probably, but it’s worth a read if you’re bored and it happens to be lying around somewhere nearby.

[janiedean]

Same anon as before -first off I don't give a rat's ass about specific movies like Ghost in the Shell, and *cultural appropriation* is not what I talked about so why do you even bring that up in response to my ask? And I personally DO support shows/movies with good Asian-American roles, but they're SO FEW. You can't argue that 'OMG THEY EXIST CHILLAX' because one role versus two thousand roles is not representation. My problem is with taking roles and representation away not cultural approp.

ALSO FYI -I'm NOT American *shocked gasp* so please quit with your 'lol us-centrism'. I'm fed up with whitewashing, I agree with you on ALL THE POINTS ABOUT CULTURAL APPROPRIATION NOT FITTING INTO THESE SPECIFIC ISSUES, but you still made it all about that when I only talked about the fact that the reason people are upset is NOT bc of c.a. but because of it pushing away non-white actors which is a huge problem in America (and other places). I don't want a fight and never brought up c.a. -YOU did Also, attacking me for saying 'Japanese natives doesn’t care because it doesn’t affect them and their careers' is hypocritical as fuck since the only reason I brought that up is bc of ALL THE POSTS ON YOUR PAGE saying exactly that -'LOL Japanese people don't care about white actors taking these roles, so why should Japanese-Americans lololoool?' I wanted to respond to that by stating exactly WHY that was, but you decided to throw a fit about it and make it something entirely different. Thanks.

... wow. anon I’ve sat over this for hours because I’m honestly too tired for this but congrats, I’m currently watching the current italian edition of kitchen nightmares and replicating the expressions of the host.

anyway.

I don't give a rat's ass about specific movies like G*host in the Shell, and *cultural appropriation* is not what I talked about so why do you even bring that up in response to my ask

ah okay, and someone asked me about g*host in the shell yesterday, you send me an anon ask three hours later without specifying it was about something else, how the hell am I supposed to guess it was not about it? never mind that all the conversation re the topic on tumblr the last six months has been 90% g*host in the shell and 10% i*ron fist sooooo. guys idk if you mistook me for doctor strange or something but I don’t read minds. also ‘cultural appropriation’ is literally brought up everywhere whenever discussing whitewashing in movies. it goes hand in hand. do you even browse this fucking website or not? because guess what, that’s how the conversation on here goes. it’s always whitewashing + cultural appropriation. always. always. I bring it up because it’s fucking relevant.

never mind that just the idea ‘we don’t care if the japanese don’t mind americans playing japanese characters because it’s damaging to us’ is inherently appropriative.

And I personally DO support shows/movies with good Asian-American roles, but they're SO FEW.

idk, I listed the first five that came to mind but there’s more of them. also I don’t particularly care whether you do (I also do btw), I care that most people don’t, so going like ‘japanese americans or chinese americans are damaged by bad representation’ when people in general don’t care about those shows or throw the asian characters under the bus and it’s always complaining about ONE thing vocally (ie scarjo or finn j0nes) rather than promoting shows that have asian characters (have I ever seen any post promoting fresh off the boat in my life? nah I just know from three gifsets reblogged by europeans). like, if someone complains and then doesn’t support, which is the destiny of 90% of the shit discussed on tumblr since everything I watch with minorities that’s done well gets ignored or canceled. aha. there won’t be more if people complain about everything rather than watching it. without even going into asian americans... people wanted the peggy carter show for years, they got it, they complained about lack of nonwhite characters and din’t watch it, in S2 they did what fandom wanted and quality plummeted (I couldn’t even finish it) and it didn’t get renewed. it’s exactly the same story. you can’t expect majors to make more shows with asian characters if whenever they make them they tank. it’s not the point that there’s little of them. it’s that you will never have more of them if you don’t watch what little there is as imperfect as it is.

like, it’s basic capitalism. it’s the principle of demand/offer. if you demand and they offer but you don’t take what they offer then they won’t offer, if they know they’ll make sure cash off white actors. and you might not be the problem but the majority of people complaining about this shit who then doesn’t put their money where their mouth is is a problem. amazing, innit?

You can't argue that 'OMG THEY EXIST CHILLAX' because one role versus two thousand roles is not representation.

I can argue that if you watch that one role vs two thousand and you make the producers know that it’s a winning strategy then it’s going to become five roles every thousand and then ten every thousand and so on. if you don’t support what you have then you can’t complain you don’t get any. it’s some representation. start caring about it. it’s the same discourse as ‘I have to headcanon character X that I like as lgbt because representation’ when the fandom has another five lgbt characters who aren’t as cool or hip and get ignored because they aren’t the protagonists. good lord, go complain about this to the bunch of people from the 1*00 fandom who sends bob m0rley racist crap and excludes that bellamy can be the romantic lead, not to me. because if when you have an asian (or half-asian) man as the romantic lead and the show tanks or the guy gets racist backslash and their character gets vilified is not exactly the nicest way to go about it, isn’t it? I’m not even saying chillax. I’m saying that when they exist ppl don’t care so it’s really fucking ridiculous they complain about whitewashing when they don’t support what they have.

My problem is with taking roles and representation away not cultural approp.

You do realize that the moment you say that ‘it doesn’t hurt japanese or chinese or koreans or what have you but japanese/chinese/korean-americans so their opinion doesn’t matter’ you’re... basically superimposing your values over theirs because it implies that their opinion is worth something but their opinion is more worthy, which is a thing that is inherently appropriative since it means that you have more right over their roles than them.

anyway, whenever people on tumblr complain about that shit, as above, white people appropriating culture by whitewashing characters is a thing that happens 99% of the time, so.

also, as stated, just mentioning the last two fiascos: with ghost in the shell as the other user who reblogged this with the addendum the movie itself was appropriative and a bad idea because it wouldn’t have worked with anyone but the japanese so an X-american playing scarjo’s role would still have been appropriative/incorrect. in iron fist the main character was white already so there’s no taking rep away, and the problem is that it’s culturally appropriative that he does martial arts and a bunch of other things, too bad that the chinese don’t care but their opinion doesn’t matter. so whose representation got taken away since they didn’t *whitewash* anyone else in that show? who even fucking knows. also: taking away roles from asian-americans means that you are adapting something and changing the characters’ ethnicity because if something’s taken away then it had to belong to someone in the first place. if white actors TAKE AWAY a role from an asian then the original role is asian and the white actor plays it (like scarjo in theory), but like then it means you’re adapting something. and if you’re adapting someone asian then having asian-americans in it is not the same thing at all. now the asians themselves don’t care so whatever but you can’t just go and say that it’s the same fucking thing all around. and if we’re talking original things you need more people to write roles created for asians or blind cast more asians, but in neither of these cases white actors are TAKING AWAY ROLES FROM ASIANS. I mean, it can work with death note because it’s taking a japanese story that makes no sense anywhere else and putting it in america and at this point having japanese-americans would have been way better than the shit going on now -

too bad I don’t see that much complaining. not as much as scarjo or finn jones. aaaah well guess it’s because one of the racebends wasn’t white.

anyway, like, learn what words mean because I’m at the first part of your ask and you already aren’t making a solid argument. whatever.

I'm NOT American *shocked gasp* so please quit with your 'lol us-centrism'. 

well, ‘the japanese opinion doesn’t matter because the japanese-americans are the ones hurt when it comes to adapting movies with japanese roles’ (I’m not saying asians bc not all asians are the same thanks) is the most US centric drivel you can spew. sorry that’s exactly what it is. if you’re not american whatever, you’re still spewing US-centric drivel and

where you come from. it’s still US centric. and it’s still a problem. because this entire discourse is so US-centric I still wanna facepalm into eternity.

you still made it all about that when I only talked about the fact that the reason people are upset is NOT bc of c.a. but because of it pushing away non-white actors which is a huge problem in America

and since on here it comes from people who don’t put their money where their mouth is,

all over again. also, excuse me but why the hell should I be more concerned about the issues americans have when their point is ‘it doesn’t hurt community X that I AM APPARENTLY SPEAKING ON BEHALF OF BUT IT HURTS ME SO THEIR OPINION IS IRRELEVANT BECAUSE THEY AREN’T DAMAGED’ (???) which honestly does not generate any sympathy? if that’s your point then sorry I’m not even very much interested in hearing it because it sounds arrogant af and again appropriative af of the original media because it assumes that americans have more rights on the original the moment that the opinions of who created the original are lesser.

and pushing away non-white actors will start stopping to be a problem when people go watch the stuff that has non-white actors in it without finding it inherently problematic from episode one for reasons that are irrelevant 95% of the time. I still ain’t seeing that happening.

like, idk if it was clear, but the moment anyone brings up to me ‘I don’t care about culture X because something related to it hurts americans most’ I am entirely done with taking you seriously. if it wasn’t it’s clear now. and that goes along with americans complaining that anime doesn’t have representation made for american audiences. 

actually, you know when was the first time I heard this dumbass ‘it hurts us and not them’ thing? a few years ago avril lavigne made a song for the japanese market where she was dressing lolita style and singing a few japanese words into the lyrics. the japanese were insanely happy about it. the americans were crucifying her for CULTURAL APPROPRIATION. the japanese went like wtf are you smoking. the americans replied ‘THIS REFLECTS ON THE IMAGE OF JAPANESE-AMERICANS NOT ON THE JAPANESE SO IT’S AN ISSUE EVEN IF THEY THINK IT ISN’T’. a song conceived for the japanese market only.

it’s exactly the same mindset. if you want to have this discussion the ‘I don’t care what the japanese think because they aren’t affected’ part of it needs to die because no one from outside the US will ever take it seriously in eight cases on ten. I imagine you’re one of those two. or maybe you have more empathy than I do. good for you because I exhausted my empathy on this topic a long time ago.

I don't want a fight and never brought up c.a. -YOU did Also, attacking me for saying 'Japanese natives doesn’t care because it doesn’t affect them and their careers' is hypocritical as fuck since the only reason I brought that up is bc of ALL THE POSTS ON YOUR PAGE saying exactly that 

‘I don’t want a fight’ next time don’t write me an ask with caps in it like ASIAN AMERICANS DON’T HAVE ROLES wow as if I don’t know that, and you don’t write an ask completely misunderstanding the whole point of the discourse I’m making.

as in,

LOL Japanese people don't care about white actors taking these roles, so why should Japanese-Americans lololoool?

CONGRATULATIONS YOU COMPLETELY MISSED THE POINT AS ABOVE. because from an asian-american POV, caring about white actors taking asian roles saying that the whites CULTURALLY APPROPRIATE THOSE ROLES (because they say it) and then saying ‘well it doesn’t affect them but us so we don’t care if the japanese don’t agree’ is fucking hypocritical. and if you’re supposedly defending japanese or chinese or korean or x-asian culture and the people from that culture tell you to chill then you can’t say too bad their opinion doesn’t matter anymore, because they’re speaking over them and you can tell me CA is not the problem but it fucking is because it gets brought up in this discussion 99% of the time the discussion is happening. and again, I frankly don’t really care about this entire drama when that is the point you’re starting at.

also idk if I was japanese I’d be *affected* about americans remaking my country’s stuff badly but good for them that they don’t care, they’re better people than I am. I’m still salty because of the americans remaking i soliti ignoti and it came out in 2002 and there wasn’t even one italian actor, but since it was dumbed down criminals from the original criminals maybe it was better like that. I’d also be pissed that my original is less known than the american remake which will have more distribution because it’s american when the original is most probably a lot better but that’s an entire other can of worms. but like, that totally doesn’t matter (if any japanese feels like that) because how americans feel about it matters more? okay then.

I wanted to respond to that by stating exactly WHY that was, but you decided to throw a fit about it and make it something entirely different. Thanks.

thanks, I’m absolutely informed about that already and I already think it’s not a good excuse to exclude the japanese from the conversation.

also, anon, I don’t know if you guessed already, but let’s just state it for everyone to hear: I’m here for fandom. I get a lot of traffic for things that aren’t fandom. I’ve been here since 2011. this whole social justice fail has been going on since at least 2013 if not before. I’ve tried the nice-to-everyone approach and given that half of the time it doesn’t work, that half of the time it gets me wank (not as much as it could but still some) and in rare cases it gives me enough anon hate/idiots in the askbox that would wear anyone’s patience thin. given that in 2014/2015 I wasn’t working sort of steadily but last year I was and this year I am and I’m more tired and older and with a lot less time for bullshit, if you come out with a fairly condescending message that’s sprouting one of the most dumb hypocritical things that US tumblr has ever managed to come up with, I’m not gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you didn’t want to start a fight because I stopped giving the benefit of the doubt the time last year when I was trying to be extra nice to someone and honestly ask them for clarification about a thing I didn’t know and I got, uhm, six hours of people being assholes, some really fucking low anon hate that ten years ago would have sent me into a full week of existential crisis and I had to block like, 100 people in one hour.

I have no time whatsoever to waste giving people the benefit of the doubt especially when they dump US-centric crap into my inbox, because ‘X’s opinions on X’s culture is less relevant when it’s all about X-americans’ is US-centric crap. I didn’t throw a fit. I’m just really fucking done with the rampant hypocrisy on this website and its tendency to address the symptom and not the cause. as in, screaming about white actors working more than asian actors when asian actors would work more if those same complainers actually watched their shows.

and with this I’m really done and never wasting another forty minutes of my life on the topic, good thing watching kitchen nightmares isn’t anything that requires putting any mental effort in things.

[uncloseted]

Hi, I need your advice, since you are the smartest person i know. so i have really bad periods, like right before my period i turn VERY emotional and almost always have a breakdown every month, when it starts i have terrible lower back pain and idk if they're hot flashes but i just feel like my body is heating up from the inside although outside im not running a temp, i keep telling my mom i want pills even if not BC atleast somethingt to help with the symptoms but she skeeps telling me (1)

(2) they're not safe, i go through the same pain, hot water bottles are better etc. look i know BC has side effects but i literally lose all my will to live every month i become so lethargic and exhausted but i genuinely don't feel lik im exaggerating it !!!! but i also know my mom cares about me so do you think she's right, should i just suck it up and avoid pills is this pain normal

So, I usually try not to get too personal on here (that's for the YouTube channel), but going on non-cycling birth control (aka not getting a period every month) was the best thing I've ever done for myself. It's improved my quality of life immeasurably and allowed me to be a real person again. Having a week every month where you're in pain, whether physical and emotional, isn't normal. But even if it was... wouldn't you want to avoid that if possible? It's "normal" to get headaches, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take paracetamol when it happens. Of course your mom cares about you and wants what's best for you, but it seems that in this situation, she might be misinformed about what's normal, and what the potential benefits and risks of starting medication are.

In terms of what to do, I would speak with a doctor about your particular symptoms. It sounds like you may be experiencing premenstrual dysphoric disorder. PMDD affects somewhere between 2-6% of people who menstruate. The symptoms can include mood swings, irritability, anger, anxiety/tension, difficulty concentrating, decreased interest in usual activities, lethargy/lack of energy, changes in appetite, changes in sleep patterns, feeling overwhelmed or out of control, and physical symptoms (such as breast tenderness or swelling, joint or muscle pain, and a sensation of bloating). If you do have PMDD, the first line of treatment is typically SSRIs.

SSRIs are an anti-depressant. In the case of people with PMDD, instead of being taken daily, they're taken only when you're in the pre-menstrual phase of your cycle. People with PMDD who take SSRIs report a 50% alleviation of symptoms. SSRIs are generally considered to be safe (and the risks and side effects are lessened if you're only taking them for a week or two per month). About 13.2% of adults in the US are prescribed an SSRI. It may take a few tries to find the one that works best for you.

Another common treatment for menstrual issues is the ethinyl estradiol/drospirenone pill, one of the types of pills we commonly think of as "birth control". By preventing the body from ovulating, changes in hormones are prevented as well. The health risks of birth control pills are lower than those from pregnancy and birth. However, serious side effects from birth control pills do exist, although they are rare. These include blood clots and strokes. If you're a smoker, are at increased risk for blood clots, have cardiovascular disease, have advanced diabetes, have cirrhosis of the liver, or have migraines with an aura, you made be at increased risk for serious side effects from taking birth control pills. On the flip side, the lifetime risk of ovarian, colorectal, and endometrial cancer is reduced in people who take birth control.

(On a side note, if you're taking hormonal birth control for any reason, having a "period" every month is not medically necessary. The bleeding you experience is breakthrough bleeding rather than a period. The placebo pills exist because the inventor of birth control, John Rock, was hoping the Catholic Church would approve of birth control if women kept their "natural" cycle". They didn't approve).

At the end of the day, there's no medical treatment that's 100% free of risk, and that's why you should talk to your doctor about your options. All things you can do in your life, all day, every day, carry some kind of risk. The real question is whether the risk is worth the benefit, and how to reduce the risks present in the decisions that you make. Your doctor can also help your mom to understand the risks and benefits of starting medication and to help her make a more informed decision.

Last thing. Depending on where you are in the world, you may be able to access birth control or other forms of healthcare without your parents knowing. I'm not suggesting that's necessarily the right move for you, but I do want you to know that's an option. In the US, your student health center or local Planned Parenthood is a good resource if you can't see your primary care doctor on your own.