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noahmars · 2 years ago

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My girl (Ben Hardy)

Ben Hardy x reader

Summary: Ben and his girl have been best friend since they’ve known each other. They have also always had feelings for each other. Maybe it’s about time they confess that.

Warnings: a little angsty, fluff, mention of death

Notes: I really like writing stuff about Ben, especially this one. Hopefully you’ll like it. As always, if you liked it, let me know. And if you have suggestions/ideas/requests, feel free to send them in.

Tags: @killerqueenjoy

Words: 3016

Her phone buzzed for the fifth time in the last twenty minutes but checking who it was wasn’t really in her plans. That day was the tenth anniversary of her mother’s death. Not a nice day to spend alone, but that was her own way to cope with bad feelings. It has always been like that, since the beginning.

There had only been one person who had actually been able to make her feel better, and that was Ben, her best friend. They had known each other for probably their whole life. Her family moved across the street from his when she was only 11. He was a year older, but that didn’t matter to him. She could clearly remember the first evening after moving there, when his family came knocking on their door, offering them a freshly baked pie and a bottle of white sparkling wine. From that moment on their families were having dinner together once a week, they went on holiday together every summer and had occasional getaways once in a while. She and Ben became friends instantly, they went to the same school and, even though Ben was older, he would still spend every lunch break with her, he invited her to his parties, he accompanied her to her parties. People started talking abut them as high school sweethearts, and maybe it was true, maybe they were or at least they could have been, but neither of them never really confessed his feelings for the other, too scared of ruining their friendship.

When her mother died, Ben had already graduated and was starting out his career as an actor, but even though he was busy, he still found time for her. Seeing her that sad was hard for him. Knowing that, while he was working, she was probably locked in a bathroom at school crying her eyes out, made it extremely difficult for him to concentrate. So, as soon as he got a weekend off, he booked a nice trip to Plymouth, Cornwall. It wasn’t Paris, nor New York, but he was sure she would have loved it, since he remember how much fun they had when they had gone there with their families. And so it was, she enjoyed every second of it. it was just the two of them, no parents, no work, no school. Nothing, just Ben and his girl.

His girl. That’s what he always called her, even though she never actually was his girl.

Years went by and she finally moved out of her father’s home. Not that she didn’t like her father, but she was starting to want a place of her own, her own little space. She found herself a nice terraced house in London, and Ben helped her move in. The place wasn’t the biggest, but it was big enough for her. Ben loved paying her visits at home, bringing take away food, maybe a small magnet that she could add to her fridge, along with the others the boy had brought her after his various roles around the world.

Now Ben was an uprising star, as the tabloids would say, and was always busy shooting somewhere new, or he was off to America or Germany for some interviews. He started going over at her place less, but that didn’t keep him from calling her at least once a week, texting her every day, wondering how his girl was.

“Fuck off” she said quietly, sticking her arm out from under the duvet, picking up the phone that had started ringing, with the intent of turning it off, but when she read the name, something took hold and a finger quickly slid across the screen, finally answering. “Ben?”

“Hey, how are you?” his voice was soft, as if he already knew how she was, but still wanted to hear it from her.

She remained quiet for a while, sniffling into the phone, before breaking the silence. “I’ve been better” she almost whispered, sitting herself up, her back against the headboard.

“You know it’s not good for you to stay home alone on days like this” he answered, hearing immediately afterwards soft music starting to play in the background.

“I’m not home alone, I’m at the bar. I’m meeting with Frankie. You remember Frankie, right? She was my class mate in high school-“ she got cut off by Ben.

“I know you too well, I know that’s the radio you have on your nightstand. I recognise the buzzing noise it makes”

And she could do nothing but sigh. He really did know her too well. And she hated that because she was never able to lie to him. “How’s the new film going? You’re in… wait, don’t tell me, I remember… you’re in…”

“I’m in front of your front door, silly. Hurry up and let me in, I’m freezing out here” he giggled. The sudden realisation that he was there sent a wave of warmth and happiness through her body, that made her jump out of the bed and run to the front door, opening and seeing her best friend standing there, with a small bag from her favourite bakery and a smile on his face. “So, are you going to let me in?” he asked, making her giggle.

Once she closed the door behind them, she quickly turned around and didn’t even wait for him to actually take his jacket off, she immediately buried her face in his chest, sliding her arms around his middle, finally breathing in. “Thank you”

“For?” he asked, wrapping his arms around her and keeping her close to him, placing a soft kiss on her head.

“You’re here”

“I’ll always be here for you” he whispered, cupping her face and pulling away slightly, in order to look at her in the eyes. “You’re my girl” those words made her cheeks turn a pinkish colour, while elephants marched inside her stomach. Ben lost himself for a moment in those eyes. He had been working himself so much lately that he had forgotten how that felt, how it felt to look into someone’s eyes and feeling like gazing at the stars for the first time. [this is a quote by R.E. Chandler]

“Ben?” she called him, her face getting hotter under his gaze. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes” he nodded, pulling away and finally taking his jacket off “I’m just happy to be here with you. I’ve missed you so much.” He took the bag and her hand, pulling her towards the couch. Once he reached it, he put the bag on the coffee table, literally throwing himself on the sofa and taking her with him. She giggled, adjusting herself a bit, before cuddling up next to him, his arm around her shoulders. “I got you your favourite” he said after a few moments of silence, pointing his finger towards the small bag on the table “Lemon cake”

“We can eat it after lunch” she smiled, slightly brushing her nose against his chest. “I mean, if you’d like to stay for lunch”

“Only if you promise me, you’ll make pasta” she giggled in response, looking up to meet his eyes. “Anyway, I would do anything to make my girl happy.” He said, making her blush a little.

“Didn’t you have a girlfriend?”

“I did. We broke up” he didn’t seem to be that sad after all, but she still sat up, looking at him slightly worried.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I’m so sorry to hear that” No, she wasn’t. She never really liked her, she was too clingy; whenever he was in London, off from work, she was always keeping him busy, making it impossible for them to meet.

“I broke up with her.” That sentence made her fake sadness slide off her face, which was immediately replaced by a surprised look. “I understood she wasn’t the one for me.” He sighed, tugging her hair behind her ear. “My heart always belonged to someone else, I was just too stupid to realise it before.”

She didn’t exactly know what to say. She had always felt something for him, feelings that she tried to bury deep inside herself for a very long time. He had a girlfriend and she was happy for him, even though it meant she couldn’t be happy herself. But wave of mixed feelings rushed through her body: finding out that he was no longer taken made her heart leap with joy, but at the same time, knowing he did what he did because he already had feelings for someone else made her heart sink deep. It hurt, more than she would ever have expected to. But she easily hid that behind another surprised look. “Well, you should probably tell her, don’t you think?” She fake smiled, getting up from the couch, quickly excusing herself and disappearing in the kitchen. Why was she reacting like that? She was his best friend, she was supposed to support him, be happy for him, not feel anger inside of her. Was she jealous? Of course she was! He was the man of her dreams! So, if being happy for him for that was already hard for her on a daily basis, that day it was definitely impossible.

“Hey, did… did I say something wrong?” Ben voice came from behind her, and when she turned around, she realised that tears had started to roll down her cheeks by the look he gave her.

“It’s because of mom…” she whispered. And it was. That and Ben’s confession. “I’m not good at giving advice like she was.”

“Come here” he whispered once he was standing in front of her, pulling her into a tight hug, in which he pressed a soft kiss on her forehead. “I hate seeing you like this. I hate seeing my girl cry because-”

She cut him off by harshly pulling away from the hug, tears rolling down from her eyes. “Stop calling me like that.” She said. Her voice was shaking, her breath got stuck in her throat, her heart was beating like a drum, so hard that she could hear it in her ears, so hard she feared Ben could hear it too. “I’m not your girl.” She was hurt, and Ben could read it everywhere, in her eyes, in her voice, in the way she was now keeping away from him, in the way she was clenching her fists.

“Yes, you-” Ben tried to talk, but she didn’t let him.

“I’ve never been. I could have, yes, many times. But I never actually was. It seemed like you always were too blind to actually see how I looked at you. You were everything to me, you are everything to me. I looked at you like you were the most precious thing in the world. You were there for me when no one else was. Do you know how much it meant to me to have you next to me when my mum died? Do you realise that?” Her cheeks were slowly turning red, both because of all the feeling she was feeling in that moment and because of the lack of air in her lungs due to the pace at which she was talking. “Sometimes I would look at you, and you were looking back at me, I could see something. This teeny-tiny hint of something more, something you were feeling but couldn’t say. And I longed so much for the day you were actually going to say it out loud, but it never came. When our eyes meet, it’s like we’re instantly connected, you know it too. It’s like a secret connection that takes us to a place no one knows about but us, we don’t need words, just glances. And there were days, there still are, in which I wish I could look at you and tell you every single thing I’m feeling, hoping you’ll catch it. And there are other days in which everything around me is crazy and I just wish I could lose myself in your eyes because, God, your eyes are so gorgeous.” She no longer knew what her point was, she was simply spitting the truth in his face. She loved him, she had for a very long time, and the thought of him not feeling the same had hurt her for so long that she couldn’t take it anymore. “Up till now, it was so much easier for me to act like none of that mattered and to pretend to wear a smile whenever you told me your girlfriend had come and visit you on set, or she was moving in with you. It was easier than to confess that my heart was nearly broken for losing someone who was never really mine.” Her tears were now unstoppable, her heart was beating in her throat, her legs were shaking.

Ben looked at her, his own eyes filling up with tears because knowing he made her, his girl, the love of his life, suffer like that just because he was too stupid to figure out his own feelings earlier, made his heart break. She was crying in front of him and he was the cause. “I…” He started to talk, knowing exactly what he wanted to say, just not how he was going to say it.

“Don’t, Ben. Please, don’t try to find an excuse. It would only make things worse.” She interrupted him once again, trying to go back to the living room, when she felt his hand grip around her wrist. And she was going to tell him to let her go, that was going to get over it, when he pulled her from her arm, turning her around and pressing immediately his lips against hers, as if to shut her up, to calm her down. And she kissed him back, of course she did, she was finally kissing the man of her dreams. In her mind, that was going to be their only kiss, a kiss that he decided to give her out of pity. In his mind, it was everything else. When they pulled away, both out of breath, Ben didn’t have time to waste. He wrapped his arms around her middle, his forehead pressed against hers. “Now it’s my time to talk” he whispered, with his heart beating out of his chest, threatening the break his rib cage. “I’m sorry I was blind. I’m sorry it took me so long to realise it. But it was you, it has always been you. You were there, right next to me, and I didn’t notice.” He moved a hand from her back to her chin, lifting her head up to finally meet her eyes. “Every time I lied in bed with her, all I could think about was you, if you were okay, if you were sleeping, if you felt lonely, if you were cold. Every time I walked down the street, I wished it was yours the hand I was holding, I wished it was yours the voice that was keeping me company, I wished it was you the one that was telling me about her day. Every time I came home, looking forward to dinner after a long day at work, I wished I was coming home not to some model who always complained about how many calories a cookie had, but to you, who would greet me with one of her hugs, asking me whether I preferred pasta or pizza for dinner. Whenever someone on set told me there was someone for me, I hoped to see you walk down the hallway, towards me, with one of your biggest smiles, burying your face into my chest like you always do, hugging me for however long you wanted.” New tears started rolling down her cheeks, but Ben stopped them immediately with a soft kiss on each side of her face “You are my girl. You have always been.” She didn’t know what to say, what to do. All she had ever wished for was happening, the boy of her dreams was there, in front of her, and he felt the same way she did. It felt good. “Today I came here with the intent of tell you that.” he said after a few moments of silence “and I also wanted to tell you about a new roll I just got.” No, she had just found out that it was real, the he actually felt something for her, that something could finally happen, and they were taking him away from her once again. “I was wondering if you wanted to come with me. I mean, you don’t have to, but it would mean a lot to me if you did.” She was speechless. “It’s in America. So nothing crazy. I know you have to study for your PhD, but I thought that, maybe, getting away from London might actually help you. I repeat, you don’t have to feel forced to do it just because I just told you that I love you”

“You love me?” She whispered, trying to elaborate all those new information her brain just received.

“Yes, babe, I love you.” He smiled, going back shortly afterwards to what he was previously saying, about the house the agency he works for got him, about how quiet the place seemed.

“I’ll do it” She interrupted him, cupping his face, bringing him a little closer to hers, placing a soft kiss on his lips, and then adding “I’ll come with you.” At those words, he immediately picked her up, spinning her around and making her giggle, before putting her back down. Looking into his eyes, she finally saw that teeny-tiny thing she was talking about before, but this time it was different, this time it was real. At that point, the words ‘I love you‘ rolled out of her mouth so easily, and yet so quietly she feared he might not have heard it. But he did.

“I love you” he smiled back, before pressing a soft kiss on her forehead.

The man of her dreams. His girl.

#i love him #ben hardy #ben hardy x reader

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