marilynjramos

[marilynjramos]

Psycho

It's scary

The thought of being inlove

When does it become an obsession

When does it start to get possessive

The need to hear you call my name.

The drum noises that come from your chest

The type of noise the drummer would make before introducing their king.

You're my king

And the kingdom is me.

The thing that gives me ecstasy is your scent.

But I loath you

Bc you make me feel this way

I can't stay composed around you

Which is why

The sign of my love for you seems to be unhealthy

Make this feeling stop

Or

Hug me, And tell me everything is going to be alright. Even though in reality I know that I'm just crazy.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

Failure

You've fallen down in a dark hole,

Where there is no way out.

Struggling instead of hustling

Failing instead of succeeding

Every personal thing is dragging you down.

All you think about is these negative thoughts,

It' eating you.

It's not even savoring you.

The demons are getting closer.

Your mind is out of control.

Instead of being Alice

You're becoming a monstor.

A monster full with rage,

Full of resentment.

You end up getting blinded by the rays of hatred,

You don't even feel gay.

You need to find a way

In order to get away

From all these stages

Of grief.

Yet, you let it get to you.

You've been through a lot you say.

You say this doesn't phase you

When in reality that's not the case

You

End up being alone

Not because people are staying away from you

But because you distant yourself.

You bring other people happiness and they bring you tears.

Sometimes not even the good kind.

What is wrong with me,

I'm such a mess you say.

What's wrong is that you don't have the strength right now.

Just because you don't have strength doesn't mean you have to end it all.

No

You have to build your strength back.

You can't do this by yourself but by others who love you and don't intoxicated you.

That's when you'll feel happy again.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

What's the Awnser

Rather it be a scientific reasoning

Or pure logic.

I still ask the same question.

"What is the the answer."

You can ask your mom, your dad

Maybe even your grandparents.

You can ask your lover, your god, or your priest.

"What is the answer."

"I don't know."

"No, you do know."

Everyone knows the answer to something.

Rather it be rhetorical or not.

Rather it be opinionated or  facts.

Awnser are still awnser.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

You love the idea of me

Now I know a lot of people know the phrase "You don't love me, You love the idea of me."

That used to be such a unique phrase that everyone (mostly everyone) would use it when they are about to break up.

However, Now that it's a cliche phrase I feel like I should ask myself and millions of others about this.

What do they mean by "You don't love me, You love the idea of me?"

Isn't that a good thing.

The person who I love should be you.

It should be everything that you stand for.

Everything that you believe in.

Even the way you look is appealing to me.

So what do you mean by "You don't love me, you like the idea of me."

What am I missing here?

In my opinion, the definition of idea is an upcoming philosophy or religion.

Having someone stand for that is marvelous in my opinion.

I asked other what they thought about this phrase and they told me it has to deal with companionship and that people only value people because they are keeping them company; I don't think that's the case.

What do you think it means when someone says " You don't love me, You like the idea of me."

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

Your Worse Enemy

Alone

Isolated

You don't want to be around anyone.

You neglect your health

You neglect your love life

Family

Friends.

Please,

I beseech you,

Don't be so distant.

Stop crawling to your corner.

Stop pushing me and others away.

I know you don't want to hurt anyone.

You realize your temper isn't healthy.

You blame yourself for many years

For those you realize you have caused pain.

But don't you see

Your worse enemy is yourself.

You abuse yourself.

Calling yourself worthless

Calling your self talentless.

Don't you see,

You're hurting yourself.

Stop being selfless,

Or are you just being selfish.

Please look at me when I speak to you,

Stop looking down on yourself.

Just get up,

Stop curling into a ball.

Just get up, not just for me but for your friends and family. Who also want you to stand.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

Beats

I really hate cliches but

I just want to hug you

And listen to the beat that's within your chest.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

Acidic Tears

Tears rolling down my face

Stinging my upper cheek bone

Feeling my head clench up

My throat tightening

I can feel my breath getting heavier and heavier.

My pain feels like this.

My acid like tears

Tracing a trail

Down my face

To my chin

And falling down

Where the water imprints on the floor

Making a wet spot on the ground.

Why does it feel like this

I guess crying makes me feel more pain.

I rubbed my eyes

Leaving my upper cheek bones pink.

I feel better.

No more tears, nor pain.

Just my face, with minor trails of acidic tears.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

Sad Soul PT 2

Red means you hold revenge and anger,

Blue means sadness,

Black means you are either hurt or you posses darkness

When you have holes it means you are broken.

You realized this

Why

WHY

I'm sorry

I didn't mean to hurt you

Please

The father looks down upon you

He picked you up and embraced you

"Another soul has hurt you. I'm not just going to blame him, but you as well because you should have fight it, and now look at you, your a mess. I know I shouldn't tell you this but I'm not going to sugar coat anything. Come with me." The father said

You followed him to an empty area where no colors were around, he sat you down in a clear liquid lake.

You take a dip and swamed

You got out and you have no spots

Yet you still hold the same colors.

You and the father spoke

It took a while for you to go back to positive colors

You held no resentment

No sadness

Nothing but only happiness

You thanked the father

And decided to also help another soul

Because you use to be a sad soul.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

Beats

*thump thump* *tha-dump*

Ever get a thumping feeling on your chest.

The feeling you get after you finished running.

The feeling you get from watching a thriller movie.

The feeling you get when you see a random stranger, or maybe not a stranger at all.

You get it.

You feel a certain adrenalin throughout your body.

It feels scary to some, like those who suffer from anxiety.

To others it feels amazing.

These pulses tells us that we are alive.

Without the *thump thump* then we are the opposite of alive.

Now I don't want to end it here.

Because more little thump thumps come about.

Making the rhythm of our body's become everlasting.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

Sad Soul Part 1

Imagine a room

Now imagine that same room but this time being pitch black.

You see a lot of different shapes, sizes, And colors moving around

They're size represents their love and morals

And the color represents their energy.

You come a cross a specific kind of soul,

You enjoy the color and the shape of it.

You decided to touch it.

The color slowly starts fading.

"Why is the color fading?" You ask yourself.

All of a sudden the size and shaped starts to change.

Becoming smaller and now the shade is blue.

"What have i done."

"Why did the color change?"

And then you decided to leave.

The soul is slowly disappearing, losing its color slowly and slowly again.

Until suddenly, another soul came.

It picked the soul up and gave it some encouraging words.

Making the soul come back to itself again.

Except this time more brighter and more bigger.

"You turn around and noticed all of this."

You decided to turn back.

Yet this time its father came to speak with you.

"Do you know why the soul's appearance change."

You shake your head

" You touching the soul makes them change their personality. They become smaller bc they only start loving you and not everything else. Putting their focus on you and you only. This is dangerous for a soul, bc when you leave, they start to lose love. You tainted it and left it bc it was changing. You cannot return to that soul, if you do it will go back to its old self and it hated its old self, when you started to become distant it started fading, it started to doubt herself, and it felt insecure."

" I wasn't their long enough for it to even start to love me." I said.

"No, but it knew your energy, and your energy was different, it was corrupted. It wanted to help you, and since it cared for you it started to slowly like you. in a soul. time doesn't matter. What matter is to help and change other souls. That soul saw you, and your energy was so bad that when you touched her, your energy rubbed on her. Making it sad."

"I am not corrupted." You yell

"If You are not than why are you blue?"

"What?"

"Your soul is blue, and red and black. You have holes in your soul."

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

Morality vs Religon

If someone were to ask you

If something was wrong or right

Due to your morals

What would you say?

Yes or no

However if it was due to your religion what would you say?

Now let me put you in a dilemma,

If you were to given a question about accepting a gay person

Would you use your morality and say yes accept them

Or would you say no due to the Bible stating that gays are "disgusting".

Here's the thing

I know I am not a Christian

Since my morals seem to be blinded by a book however.

I know I love God

But there is times where I see things wrong.

Like of course killing, stealing, and lying is wrong

But what did the gays do to make them look wrong?

I know it's wrong for me to go against God for this reason, and I show insolence for arguing to someone so powerful.

I believe God and Jesus does accept Gays

And maybe the bible is just a little out of date.

The reason why I say this is because God sent Jesus to change somethings for the futute, he showed his ideals by stating it.

And besides, you can't change anyone  preferences.

It's hard for them to change their likes.

So was this situation a dilemma, or was it easy for you to awnser.

Chances are is the you don't believe in God, or you are just a stubborn Christian.

Do you want to know my awnser?

Would you get offended if I say it?

I'll tell you my perspective.

We are not God

We cannot judge another person's preferences, well of course depending what the circumstances is.

God does whatever he wants bc he made us, well that's if you believe that, and since I am not God, and I am not perfect, I will accept Gays, due to my morality and my religion

We are not suppose to hate

Bc hate brings more corruption unlike acceptness where it unionize everyone together.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

It's complicated

I've notice

The more you feel alone

The more you think

And the more you think

You start to become complicated towards others

And once you start to become complicated.

People will not understand you at all.

Even when you try to be simple

You're thoughts get swallowed up to more complicated things.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

Spiral Mess Pt2

And when I do feel happy

My siblings tell me to shut up

And that I'm too annoying..

I pretend it doesn't hurt

But it does

I get upset that quickly.

It feels like I'm going insane.

I want to give up

I'm crying

I want to feel happy again

I want to be alive

I want to have my goals straight

And reach it like I'm trying to catch a floating ballon.

I don't feel good.

I feel sad.

I feel like I'm drowning.

Slowly suffocating.

I don't want to be depressed

I want to help others.

Yet I can't even help myself.

I doubt myself now.

I can't even get a 19 on the act...

Please help me.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

Spiral Mess Pt1

The light that once penetrated my room

Is now dark,

Needing to use a candle light

To be able to see.

My bills weren't payed

And my friend wasn't at her house.

I wanted to ask her for her aid.

Yet, I was alone

In the dark

With nothing else

But my own dim light.

I thought it was alright

To lose the electric light

And I thought it was okay

To lose a friend.

Yet I realize

I seem to have not value my things correctly.

I hurt the economy

And I hurt my friend.

The only thing I can do

Is work again

But it's hard to gain

That friend that was their for me.

It's not to late to pay the bills

However; it's to late to restore that bond.

"Why would you say that"

She asked

"I don't know." I replied.

2 years later

I have my own light

I didn't need to rely on my friends.

I didn't need company.

That's until I started to feel lonely again.

I said something body positive

Yet you decided to be petty instead.

I knew why I did the things I did I thought.

Alas, it's to late to mention it again.

The mind is blinded by pain, I know.

It was to late to restart something new.

Hehe, I always said it was God's plan.

How stupid that i put excuses on him.

I make my own choices I tell myself,

The outcome is because of my decesion.

I knew not to be distant.

Yet I was so stubborn to even consider it.

I still have my light.

Yet I always question my philosophy.

It always evolve to something else.

If I were me back then.

I would say

 "your philosophy is stupid."

"Why are you pushing God?"

"I can help you."

"Please let me help You"

And then I will say

"no"

"You can't help me."

"I'm stuck"

"No one can help me"

"I'm to stubborn to change my heart."

"I need someone wise to help me go through this"

"I know I'm not holy, nor am I truly religous"

"I want God to awnser my questions."

"I'm hurting."

"God please help me."

I quit praying

Bc I thought it didn't work

Yet I show this facade to my younger siblings

Saying "God sees everything"

I pray with them when it's lunch and dinner.

Why do I show them this side of me.

I know God exist.

I know it does.

I need help but I feel so drained.

Is it because of laziness

Or am I slowly becoming depressed.

This poem was suppose to be short and simple

About my life

That turned into crap when she left.

Hehe

I didn't realize that one person could make a domino effect on me.

I became distant

Less optimistic

Less determine.

It wasn't until today that I started studying my license.

How long am I going to pick this up.

I feel so unmotivated.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

My Art is What I Write

If I knew how to paint I would get my paint brush and canvas And paint a lot of my pain, love, and sorrow. Having a deeper meaning in my paintings. However, I am not an artist, so all I do is write. It doesn't have to have a flow Nor does it have to rhyme Just something that will express my mind.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

PO TEN TIAL

I see potential running in front of me Passing me each step by step I go my own pace Because I know I have time, Then suddenly someone stop They're panting.. They seem tired I take a better look and realize they're not just tired They seem weak  vulnerable, tensed, and fatigued. I finally catch up and stayed at that person side Not caring about my own step and goals Not caring about those others running in front of me. Suddenly the person I helped started to push themselves again Seeing their beautiful strength rise up again. They're legs are rising up and down, like running a marathon. Now everyone is in front of me again. I'm alone again Setting my own pace. Showing no tears of loneliness Nor sweat from tiredness. I'm sore, yes. That's how I show my hard work. While others are running, I'm jogging.

mjr🌙

[marilynjramos]

Actions Take in the Mind

All my mind does Is show a flow of some type of rhyme. When I type All I do is cry. In the depth of my perception, Is another girl Who just wants to show How she view the world Without bitterness But pure sweetness. Don't underestimate me Because I will speak aloud, And show no sign of fear, but Courage and determination.

mjr🌙