its-ben-now

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Theory: Miss Major has been all but entirely erased from our narrative of Stonewall so people could avoid thinking about the fact that she's still alive and has a retirement fund that needs donations

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Selfie dump of a few of my favorite outfits and a couple professional photos from a conference in Nov that I love because it has strong 80’s school photo vibes and some of my graduation pics

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I always forget this falls on my birthday but happy tdov from your local trans, visible AND tangible person.

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She’s three years old today!

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Basically if something doesn’t affect you personally don’t assume it doesn’t affect anyone, there are a million lived experiences that are not your own.

Enjoying m/m fic isn't automatically fetishising. But I, a queer man, don't feel comfortable reading most m/m fic because the chances of gross tropes being used or mischaracterisation to make the pairing fit the Classic m/m Dynamic is just too high :/ it's things like vilifying/killing women so that they can get together, mischaracterising women so that you have a lens to use as a voyeur ('cause it's the *character* watching them fuck), the weird focus on who tops... not a fun place to be gay in

Also it’s not about gay men but tumblr user thedeadflag has *really* solid commentary on the fetishisation of trans women in fanfic, esp girl!penis and a/b/o fics. Definitely worth a read if you want to know more about what constitutes fetshising and what doesn’t

Oof. Yeah, those tropes sound like the opposite of fun. Ugh. 

thanks for the resource! (and I hope you can find some good fic in amongst the rest)

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Jesus, why is it anytime anyone ever talks about how sometimes general trends in fanfic make them uncomfortable (the writing of basically child porn, incest, fetishization of gay men) fanfic writers get all up in arms about how their rights to create are being infringed upon.

No one is stopping you, by all means, write whatever you want, they still sell mein kampf at bookstores, so if you wanna write something “problematic” I guess is the best term, our government and our society won’t stop you. I know they’ve tried! But as it is, fanfic is probably gonna stick around how it is for some time in this manner.

But if a real person, who exists, in the real world talks about how these things affect them, in the real world, I think we owe it to each other to at least be aware of that, and if you choose to continue on as you have been, that’s your own prerogative, and that’s fine but you can’t always claim ignorance or be in denial about this.

People love to pretend that the things they create exist in a bubble and don’t affect the outside world but, surprise, when you send what you create out into the world it affects those it interacts with. That’s what art is supposed to do.

Enjoying m/m fic isn't automatically fetishising. But I, a queer man, don't feel comfortable reading most m/m fic because the chances of gross tropes being used or mischaracterisation to make the pairing fit the Classic m/m Dynamic is just too high :/ it's things like vilifying/killing women so that they can get together, mischaracterising women so that you have a lens to use as a voyeur ('cause it's the *character* watching them fuck), the weird focus on who tops... not a fun place to be gay in

Also it’s not about gay men but tumblr user thedeadflag has *really* solid commentary on the fetishisation of trans women in fanfic, esp girl!penis and a/b/o fics. Definitely worth a read if you want to know more about what constitutes fetshising and what doesn’t

Oof. Yeah, those tropes sound like the opposite of fun. Ugh. 

thanks for the resource! (and I hope you can find some good fic in amongst the rest)

[its-ben-now]

All these teenagers at work get surprised when I offer to buy them food but like: if you are broke and nice to me, I will make sure you get something to eat. Whether it’s tons of free bread, or I walk you to the register myself: you get to eat. Especially if you’re just a kid. That’s just how it should be.

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It was her birthday recently!

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I always forget TDOV is on my birthday haha 😂 Anyway, still here! Still visible!

[Image description: Text that says “Happy TDOV!” in the colors of the trans pride flag. /End ID]

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Transgender Day of Visibility is on March 31st and if you’re trans then these blogs might boost your selfies if you send any to submit to them:

@brownandtrans (for all trans people of color)

@fattranspoc (for fat trans people of color)

@fuck-yeah-transmen (for trans guys)

@nbpocparty (for non-binary people of color)

@transmasculineselfielove (for transmasculine people)

@nbselfielove (for non-binary people)

@nonbinarynotandrogynous (for non-binary people)

@nonbinarycuties (for non-binary people)

@chubbytubbytrans (for fat and chubby trans people)

@fuckyeahcutetranschicks (for trans girls)

@transgirlsarebeautiful (for trans girls)

@dailytransselfies (general)

@transbutts (general)

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Transfeminine resources:

Presentation:

Tucking

Chest area

Voice

Broad shoulders tips

Hair removal

Feminine walk

Curves

Waist training

Growing out your hair

Clothing

Makeup

Passing

Medical transitioning:

Not medically transitioning

Fertility

Puberty blockers

Estrogen & anti-androgens/testosterone blockers FAQ

The types of surgery available

Surgery: A guide for transfeminine people

Pumping (Silicone injections)

Facial Feminization Options

Breast Augmentation

Genital surgery

Other:

Representation

Transfeminine period dysphoria

Yes, Transfeminine People Can Get Period Symptoms

Slipping into masculinity

Women’s restroom etiquette

Transfeminine people can breastfeed

Having sex or masturbating

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Transmasculine resources:

Presentation:

Binding FAQ

Masculine clothing

Facial hair

Masculine makeup

Getting short hair / Masculine long hair

If you can’t start T

Lowering your voice

Packing and standing to pee

Passing as male

Not shaving legs

Swimming

Medical transitioning:

Not medically transitioning

Fertility

Puberty blockers

Testosterone FAQ

Top surgery

Facial masculinization surgery

Body masculinization surgery

Hysterectomy and oophorectomy

Genital surgery

Other:

Periods and related things

Help! I need to see a gyno

Pumping

Masturbation and sex

Using the men’s bathroom

Hudson’s FTM Guide

Height dysphoria

Hip dysphoria

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More resources:

What gender am I? A roadmap to questioning

Trans 101 for trans people

What is the transgender umbrella?

How do I choose a name?

How do I come out at work/school or to family/friends?

Dysphoria info and coping tips

Mental health coping page

Being trans in school

Non-binary resources

Resources to send allies/friends

A page to send to parents/guardians

Convincing someone to respect name/pronouns

Here is how to get hormones in America

Here is how to get hormones in the UK

The NHS’s Guide For Young Trans People in England

Here’s a US resource with info on changing legally changing your name and gender marker

Here is a UK resource with info on changing legally changing your name and gender marker

What are the WPATH-SOC guidelines?

How to save money

How to buy a trans-related item online without parents knowing

I have to go swimming, what do I wear/do?

Trying to sleep when you have dysphoria

Airports and traveling by plane

Gender neutral bathrooms

Getting insurance to cover your transition

Does transitioning help mental health?

Trans teen’s experiences with inpatient hospitalization

Trans identity isn’t a mental disorder

Being religious and LGBT

Transgender Lives: Your Stories (to see trans adults)

Gender neutral pronouns in Spanish

Gender Variance Around the World Over Time

A map of gender-diverse cultures

American LGBT history by the National Parks Service

Other trans blogs on Tumblr

Crisis help: Suicide and crisis hotlines

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Anyone can reblog, including allies! Hopefully these resources reach someone who needs them. Happy TDOV everyone!

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Tumblr has become... Strange

I don't make internet friends as readily as I used to when I was a kid, simply because, at some point along the way, I forgot how to talk to people. Sure, I can post something like this, but it's like speaking into the void: I have plausible deniability that no one will ever read this. But to directly and privately message someone? It used to be so easy, and now? Anxiety inducing. I've heard about the purges of non-pedophilic, non-nazi blogs, caught in the cross-hairs of staff finally trying to make this site decent now that they have something at stake, but I thought "I don't really talk to anyone on here, I'll be fine." People were mourning the loss of their friends, who they had no other way to contact, and I sat here, thinking I would be unaffected. It wasn't until today when I was going through the people that I follow that I noticed so many were already gone, and how many I would actually miss that it actually hit me. Mutuals I've had for years and, granted, rarely talked to, but still enjoyed keeping up with them from afar, either quit or purged. Anyway, I'm finally going through and following people's twitters. There's still not many that id actually miss, but still, a lot more than zero.

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And another thing: oddly enough, tumblr is where I learned a lot of the sex ed I got when I was a teenager and just learning how to do things.

That might sound strange, but think of it this way: when I sought out information for my own education, I found Cosmo articles about how I could give a blowjob to a boy, while eating a donut around his dick... No thanks. None of those articles actually taught me how to have safe sex, they all assumed I knew.

Meanwhile, on tumblr, my feed would just occasionally have resources all in one post about how best to prevent pregnancy and stds. It wasn't until after tumblr that I knew that lamb skin condoms don't prevent stds, or that you should grab the base of the condom while pulling out to prevent it falling off or leaking, or how you should put a little drop of lube on the inside of the condom to reduce friction, and, and, and...

Only because someone else on this site realized that there were a lot of older teenagers (or even adults!) like myself on this site that had no idea what information we needed to look for, so they compiled everything we needed into one post.

And with the anonymity this site gives I felt safe enough to review that information on my own.

And sure, text posts and stuff are supposed to be unaffected in this massive purge of content, but I just don't see other people put in my position finding that info in quite the same way afterwards, or on other social media sites.

I made an account here because I was a closet gay who just wanted to look at naked girls in a sensual way, not the male porn kind of way. And I ended up being advised on how to properly have sex and stay updated on current events as well. You don't really have that anywhere else on the Internet.

Yes, Virginia, Tumblr is important for all those other reasons and also...

There is a particular take on the destruction of Tumblr that I keep waiting for someone to write, but no one has yet. Which means I apparently need to do it myself.

The take is, essentially, that not only should adults have access to adult content – in itself, valid and true – but also it is important to cultivate SOME social spaces where the overtly/explicitly sexual overlap with the non-sexual. (Not all spaces; I still think it should be illegal to have sex on the sidewalk. But SOME spaces that enable the sexual and the non-sexual to exist side-by-side)

Part of what I think leads to the dehumanization of sex (and subsequently allows the stigma and shame to cling so heavily to it) is the complete bifurcation of life into SEX and EVERYTHING ELSE and never the twain shall meet. When we – at every turn – put all aspects of human life into one sphere, and sex into another, we dehumanize it. We remove the full subjectivity of people from it, which is a problem. 

I think we need to actively cultivate spaces LIKE before-time!Tumblr where we can be people, and talk about what happened at work today, and the funny thing our dog did, and how our parents make us crazy during the holidays, and how dare they do X thing on Supernatural, and here’s a great version of that distracted boyfriend meme, and ALSO be able to talk about being horny on main, as the saying goes, and find the right porn clip to fap to. Or post nude selfies. Or hunt down that sweet, sweet NSFW Symbrock fanart. 

Having spaces where the explicitly sexual and the non-sexual overlap is important to humanizing sex and, subsequently, de-stigmatizing it (which, it should go without saying, is particularly salient for marginalized people who often suffer way more heavily from sexual stigma) 

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*wears an infinity scarf as a sash* "It's called FASHION, Susan" 😒

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One time my herpetology prof made one mime being dead so hard it actually died. These bitches commit.

nO StOP IT

i aM DEAD

FUCK OFF OK

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I used to be super anxious about pregnancy early on before I got on the pill, I would use condoms, but I would still buy pregnancy tests regularly to make sure I wasn't.

I would pay for my purchase then go use the restroom.

At this point I had stopped using my local Walgreens because there I needed someone to unlock the case, and after I purchased the test, have someone unlock the bathroom.

Anyway, a girl I knew in the pharmacy at CVS followed me into the restroom and waited until I was done (10 minutes!) because she was trying to scope out what was going on.

I understand if they suspected I was stealing, but... Maybe wait outside the restroom? Ask to see my receipt? Don't pretend you have to go and "run into" me at the sink. I can only suspect that she wanted to see my reaction to determine if I was pregnant or not?

I still see her sometimes when I pick up my birth control, which is why I don't want to get on medication for a weird (but harmless) health problem I have, because she'd know.

I've been given weird looks buying lube, I've been told to have a "good night" with special enthusiasm while I bought condoms with my boyfriend at the time, sometimes these private purchases just don't feel private.

Tldr: thank god for self checkout.

What it’s like to be slut-shamed when buying birth control

Even when pharmacists do let people access contraception, whether emergency contraception or condoms or prescription birth control pills, the process isn’t always free of judgment. In a series of recent online discussions, people across the country have begun to share stories of the stigma they’ve experienced. As many have pointed out, this can be especially damaging to teens.

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Tan France honestly gives me so much hope because I adore men's fashion, and he shops a ton at H&M, and *I* shop a ton at H&M, so it's really good to know I'm not hopeless

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Gah, don't you just hate those days when you have something Really Good planned later in the day, but you can't make time go any faster so you're just slogging through your day anxiously awaiting the Good Thing™

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Idk why but all of a sudden a bunch of hyper-conservative trump supporters started reblogging one of my cat posts and lemme just tell you: Those are my GAY cats, Teddy and Henry, who are very much IN LOVE. OP is very much GAY and TRANS. You're all blocked but I'd appreciate it if you'd stop reblogging it from each other so I don't have to block more of you.