hannibal-against-guro

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I’d like this better if it weren’t literally a summary of one of C.S. Lewis’s objectively terrible christo-fash lite allegorical novellas. Not “The Great Divorce,” which is hilariously sort of also one of the less great @bluebellicecream official flavors (deepest apologies if thon which was atted was a personal blog, and yes thon is 100% the proper relative pronoun here, also Blue Bell pls sponsor me, homemade vanilla is my favorite flavor and there definitely aren’t legal liabilities about this, also do you have graduate tuition scholarship essay competitions like coca-cola infamously does for undergrad?)

Anyway it’s one of the other books, and also a jaw-droppingly awful Pilgrim’s Progress fanfic. Like, for a man who was so preternaturally gifted at words, in much the same ways I am, and who probably could have shifted the grading curve for the GRE verbal singlehandedly and probably did do so for his alma mater’s entrance exam (meanwhile I peaked at that in AP American Lit), it probably took significant effort to get it that bad.

It is all but literally, and certainly literarily, the interwar or thereabouts equivalent of My Immortal. I think I could do a CompLit doctoral thesis on this. Just might if I have the spare time. I’m going to have to dig through the book boxes and attempt a satirical reading of Lewis. Thanks for the free homework, internet! Favorite hell webbed site

I haven't seen that comic of donald duck and mikey mouse engaging in aggressive philosophical bullshit in so long...

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Anyone who could dream up the likes of the Hayes code has got to be a freak. Like, I’ve thoroughly reclaimed freak. I identify as a freak. You can’t legally be a comedian unless you are one, though the legal precedent is unclear or nonexistent on the Title VII implications.

That said, anyone who could dream up the Hayes Code absolutely had to be a stone cold clinical freak. Any man who would add “Law defeated.” to his personal and political definition of immorality is, under whatever precursor of the DSM was in effect in 1934, a psychiatrically diagnosable sicko with a literal closet full of whips and latex, or whatever equivalents could reasonably be obtained für Geld oder Lustwerk im Weimar Berlin!

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I think an underrated horror trope is “insular christian cult worshipping something that slowly reveals itself to be Very Much Not God”.  I think it speaks something to the bastardized nature of american christian sects like southern baptist and others. I think in a lot of ways the way colonialism pairs with christianity in the americas really makes it demonic in ways that horror makes powerful statements about.

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I can't be the only one

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It doesn't matter if it's your OC, you shouldn't lewd a minor

Finneas is a 24 year old grown man.

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Got restricted on Discord due to pseudo-manic episode, and this is what I posted the moment it timed out:

"[...] v therapeutic. most laparascopic use of moderation in the 21st century, and in technology in general since the invention of robotic surgery. could've save[d] the soviet union from its own incompetence"

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in 2019 i saw someone call her butch

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All jokes aside, Wikipedia and Drugs.com are my favorite non-blogging Webbed Sites. Endless information vs. my Orochimaru Complex. You could Solzhenitsyn me into a jail or psych ward cell and I wouldn’t ever notice so long as I had a toilet, a minifridge (preferably with minibar), and a hard line to at least one massively oversized reference website. Ideal elder care plan under a capitalist economy, tbh. I’d pay extra LTC premiums for a half decent embedded WiFi package!

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I’m pretty sure it’s the latter, and I’m being funereally serious for once (pro tip: do not mix that word up with “venereally,” kids, that’s about as bad as the time my Jamaican coworker pronounced “hour” as “whore(r)”); but yeah—you’ve sent this to multiple transgender or nonbinary cat furries or slammed it into our eyeballs like a money-laundering google ad. (Note to self: look that up in German.) Please stop. I’m pretty sure this microaggression is constitutionally illegal in Germany (they make up for it by laissez-faire regulation on the infamous nightclubs), and I’d really appreciate it if you’d replace it with one or more micro transactions benefiting either my and/or @nyancrimew ‘s tip jars, or in a pinch, the Southern Poverty Law Center’s.

Used to be friends with a boy who thought he was a cat and stalked his girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) I wonder what he's doing now

you either just sent me the short version of a confession you already sent hours ago or there is two people this has happened to

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Nightmare scenario, Microsoft edge releases a new browser setting where copying a link from the URL bar to a different browser copies all, and I mean one hundred percent, of your cookie and ad blocker site settings

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1000% not satire, with one (1) caveat: This is very good advice for approaching Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (or is it Dialectal? unfortunately, I'm Ms. Malaprop 2016, from the Jewish-American Princess State, which is probably a politicly incorrect synonym for New York. I thought Serbia was in Syria's location, or maybe vice versa, for most of college, while Serbia was actively at war with one of its neighbors. Oh, and while the state animal or mascot of the J.A.P. State is a highly contested subject, they typical finalist contenders are the Mensch, the Jewish Mother, the Tourist Goy, and the Morbidly Obese Subway Rat.)

Anyhow, where was I? Oh, yes. The psychological phenomenon popularly known as the "placebo effect" or "manifestation" is a very effective component of talk therapy, but please, please don't apply it to personal finance. Get a CFP, or use an online accounting or reliable investment platform. If the money situation is truly dire, it's even pikuach nefash (g-d, did I spell that right?) to use an Intuit product!

Just don't think there's any ethical, anticapitalist way to get rich quick. There isn't. Even the unethical, capitalist ones rarely compile, and if you think otherwise, boy do I have a good deal for you on a piece of the Brooklyn Bridge. I believe in few absolutes, but this one is an exception. Even in a utopian socialist economy, almost everyone who isn't legally exempt has to work to eat.

let go of the old version.

i am right now telling you to let go of the old version of yourself. you are under no obligation to be the person you were yesterday, the person you were some days ago or simply the person you used to be. you are allowed to change. you deserve to change. you can better yourself and become the imagine of yourself you have always wanted to embody.

you don’t need my or anyone’s permission to tell you that you may change to your liking, but sometimes we need to hear it. and that’s why i‘m telling you this!

create a new version.

it’s about damn time you stop pitying yourself and shift your focus back to the basics. you know imagination creates reality. you know that you are in control of your thoughts and you will always be. so, what are you waiting for? you know exactly what to do, so what’s the matter? you are the only person stopping you from reaching your full potential. and i need you to put away all the fears, all of that bottled up anxiety inside of you that prevents you from thinking desirable thoughts. create the version of yourself who you are happy with, the version you want to resemble and do not hold back! write it down, imagine them — how would you act? how would you talk? because whoever that perfect person is that you have in mind, you can be just like them — and NO ONE can stop you from becoming them!

be who you want to be.

i know it can be hard. we often rely on our outer circumstances and follow our outer rules that like to tell us how we need to behave and what we need to do in order to achieve certain things. but that’s irrelevant. all of it — put it AWAY. we already have established that you are god, so STOP living according to these principles. they do not apply to you. they do not apply to GOD.

leave negative feelings behind.

you might be looking for reassurance, for someone to tell you that you can change without feeling bad, humiliated, embarrassed or even ashamed of yourself. changing yourself often means to face the version of you that you no longer desire to identify with. it means to look back to a life that no longer serves you and that you now have to let go of. and you know what? it might be hurtful. but we have been "trained" to be perfect, to do our absolute best, to be okay with the things we are not okay with our whole lives… people have been expecting so much from you — it can be hard to go against those beliefs. but this is manifesting. not being okay with the things you are not okay with and going against them. wanting the best for you. and most importantly, showing yourself the same amount of compassion you show others.

you are allowed to change.

you are allowed to better your family. you are allowed to manifest your love interest. you are allowed to change your past scores. you are allowed to become rich. you are allowed to get whatever it is that you want! this is your reality darling, only yours. i promise, you aren’t hurting anyone BUT yourself if you don’t go for what’s meant for you. because what is life when you can desire but not receive?

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ © 23209

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Decided to "Enable Tipping" bc this isn't my personal blog, it's gonna be (mostly) PG-13 and 0% naughty pictures, y'know, the payment processor dictatorship interpretation of the First Amendment that reads "Don't do anything the NYPD would arrest Lenny Bruce for," and it redirects me to Stripe, anyway long story short, 10 minutes and 105% of my personal financial info later, I am legally a professional comedian (and on at least 5 more state, federal, and employer anti-union cartel watchlists)

Anyway, Gib mir Geld, viele bitte, because the people printing my paystubs are not giving me enough for what I do for them.

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Hi I forgot I even had this blog. Past me was hilarious. Present me is even more hilarious. To state the obvious, this blog is 100% satire except for specific posts tagged or stated to be otherwise, and I'm actually 29. I'm going to try to keep things All Ages, but I have a tendency towards, hmm, sensorily detailed adjectives.*

(*What's a sensorily detailed adjective? Things like ||"resembles the previously mentioned nasally inserted erotic eel, eaten in the manner of Vietnamese live-octopus sushi"|| regarding the aftermath of a nosebleed, which is near-verbatim from Discord at a slightly less ungodly hour of earlier tonight. OK seriously I tried real hard with these spoiler tags and then the markdown | tags don't work and switching editors keeps breaking my formatting i am NOT creating a visual display mini-theme class inside my post it's 4 am I am DEAD thank god it's saturday.)

I will be posting in "discourse" tags, but I won't be participating in combative discourse, unless it's really, really funny. That shit's not healthy. Just stop doing it. It's like eating less cholesterol but for your mental health. Fiction =/= reality, the two have a complex interrelationship that typically goes beyond direct influence, adulthood starts at 16-18 in most developmental and legal contexts and "your frontal lobe matures at 25" is a) not exactly true and b) is referring to a different adult developmental stage entirely, binaries (in the non-mathematical-theory sense) are all lies (for every heaven and hell, there is a purgatory or a limbo, and if you don't understand this reference, you need to read Dante/get da hell out of here!), I didn't write My Immortal, it was a fucking dove and a god damned peace symbol, and you can't physically or mentally shift realities to go to Hogwarts and beat up woobified Draco.

Peace and love, have fun on Planet Earth, none of us is getting out of here alive.

~Fex

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if people were supposed to be kinky amabs would have spiked penises like cats

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if people were supposed to be kinky amabs would have spiked penises like cats

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btw I made this blog bc a fandom mom just tried to convince me that violent kink shit was ok, im still shaking from that creep trying to recruit me

i softblocked her on main but she has a lot of friends and im scared to post about this stuff there so i made this blog so she won’t find me

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violent kinks aren’t normal and that’s why pedo fic writers groom teenagers so they’ll learn to get off on violence