duckiewrites - Tumblr blog

[duckiewrites]

I think grief has genuinely altered my brain chemistry. Before she died, I was intact. Yes, I could get angry too quickly. Or sad too easily. I talked too much. I was always tired, etc. I was damaged, yes. But, I was still human. After her death, I fear there is no human left in me. The things that used to excite me now barely raise an eyebrow. and so yes, i am still alive. but barely so.

[duckiewrites]

I wish there wasn't so much holding me back. I wish I could live without the fear of abandonment constantly creeping up on me. I am falling behind.

[duckiewrites]

sometimes i wonder if the privilege i have been awarded in this lifetime has been stained with mediocrity.

[duckiewrites]

a life without you.

[duckiewrites]

Introduction

hi everyone,

welcome to my blog! i plan to mostly post my writing, but i will also be posting study inspo/study with mes.

im currently a student at cornell university majoring in biology (hypothetically premed) with a passion for writing!

some of my other interests: research, women's health, psychiatry, film theory, reading, journaling, yapping, music, badminton

if you would like some essay editing/writing buddy/etc. reach out to me at duckiewritess@gmail.come <3

use my askbox if you'd like to contact me anonymously :))

if you'd like to stay updated, consider dropping a follow!!

lots of love always <333

[duckiewrites]

grief is the price of love.

it is a privilege to have loved you so much

 that i grieve you so obsessively.

i imagine you in the empty seat beside me.

i imagine your laugh in the eerie silence of the night.

i imagine your embrace in every lonely moment.

but imagine is all i can do.

sometimes i wonder

has

this privilege

has turned into a punishment.

[duckiewrites]

harry potter library 📍 cornell university

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[duckiewrites]

[duckiewrites]

a friendship breakup is so much fucking worse than a relationship breakup man. that shit hurts.

~ every teenage girl ever

[duckiewrites]

grief is like a longing that never quite goes away.

some days the longing stays quiet, hidden under the distractions of the day. driving to work, walking the dog, studying for an exam, etc.

other days, the longing consumes me. it holds me hostage. clawing at me, marking me.

it always finds its way back.

[duckiewrites]

really struggling to focus 🫠

[duckiewrites]

all it takes is a sliver of sun and suddenly college feels like college again...

[duckiewrites]

[duckiewrites]

maladaptive daydreaming

it’s so easy to dream. so easy to spend minutes, hours, days, months.. 18 years in your own head.

until suddenly you're so far gone that

reality's scorching touch is long gone.

[duckiewrites]

9-5.

July 9, 2024 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

sunlight peeked in through the window 

nudging me awake

i opened my computer

clicked the keys of my keyboard 

smiled at the red light in front of me

playing to the tune of the corporate machine

__

outside my window

the sounds of birds chirping

play to their own tune

taunting me.