cullenbluewrites

[cullenbluewrites]

The King’s Perspective

DP x DC

Do not repost this to other platforms. If you see this elsewhere, it is likely without my consent.

If you see this elsewhere please notify me

Danny was watching the news when he felt the distinctive tug of a Summoning Ritual. The reporter was saying that some fruitloops from another dimension were trying to invade earth. An average event for an Amity Park resident, but the rest of the planet weren’t nearly as well adjusted (or rather, numb to the trauma). Danny suspected this was the cause for the summons.

“Um. Danny?” Sam pointed at the TV. “You gonna sort that out or do you think the Justice League can handle it?” The three of them had been chilling out at Tuckers house and watching cartoons prior to the news alert.

“Uh, hang on, I can feel a Summons coming on…” Danny said, standing up and stretching out.

“Seriously? Now? Could these guys not have better timing??” Tucker groaned next to him. Or rather, groaned from the depths of the couch, as Danny couldn’t see much of him inside the wedge of blankets. There was a foot sticking out and that was it.

“Actually… I think it’s great timing” Danny hummed. “I recognize the caller ID” he huffed, letting himself get pulled away by the magic of the ritual, and shifting into his Ghost King appearance - the Observants would throw a tantrum if he didn’t, even if it is just John Constantine.

The ‘King Form’ transformation was different to ‘Going Ghost’. His regular transformation was no different to breathing, or flexing a muscle. He’d blink, and flesh and blood had been changed to ectoplasm and energy. The King Form, on the other hand, felt like a spiritual adrenaline rush. Danny could feel his core humming as his forearms turned to ice, and both arms split in two. His vision sharpened and became more vibrant as his secondary and tertiary eyes opened. He stretched his back and sighed in satisfaction as his flesh tore away to expose his bones- to this day Danny isn’t sure why that feels so satisfying, it’s like getting his back cracked after a long day. His legs melted together to form his long, serpentine tail. He ran his tongue over his sharpened teeth, flexed his claws and flicked his tail in satisfaction. All set.

He’d initially been self conscious about the King form, still was a little bit honestly, but his friends and family had assured him he looked great. Not too Eldritch horror to be traumatic, but enough to be comfortably unsettling. His mother had said the extra eyes were very pretty. His Dad had spent an hour poking at his newly exposed bones, fascinated (which is how Danny found out his spinal cord is ticklish, who knew).

He felt himself reaching his destination, and climbed his way out of the magic and back into the physical plane (no matter how many times he tried, he could never quite explain how Summonings felt. A tunnel of pure energy and ectoplasm was as close as he could get). Rising out of the portal, he was greeted by what appeared to be not only John Constantine, but the entire Justice League. Dang. No pressure. He spotted a lot of people flinch as he arose - not unreasonable, Danny was absolutely massive like this, and he was aware of how intimidating he looked. Constantine waved at him, drawing his full attention to the Justice League Dark and Founding members at the front of the crowd. He smiled at them, and the Flash went pale, seeing his teeth. Oops.

“Evening your majesty” Constantine grinned, “You look delightfully spooky today.” Danny appreciated that Constantine was comfortable enough with him at this point to be jovial, reverence was just creepy.

“Hellblazer” Danny chuckled. “You reek of cheep beer and cigarette smoke. Good to know you’re taking care of your health. Eager to join me in the realms?” Danny crossed one set of arms and set the others on his hips. Batman and Zatanna tensed at the perceived threat, but John just rolled his eyes.

“Hahah. Very funny. Do you really need to chirp about my health every time you see me?” The magician sighed.

“I’ll stop when you start prioritizing it” Danny rolled all six eyes, earning a shudder from Green Lantern. “I take it this is about your new interdimensional visitors?”

“You’re already aware of the situation then.” Batman said gruffly. It wasn’t so much of a question as it was a statement. Danny had to suppress a squeal - Batman and his clan were undeniably some of his favorite heroes, they were part of the reason he wanted to go to University in Gotham in the first place. He’d even taken the risk of apartment hunting near the infamous Crime Alley in the hope of seeing one specific Bat…

“News travels fast Dark Knight. Whoever first said ‘Dead Men tell no tales’ had clearly never met a Ghost before” Danny chuckled. He wasn’t going to tell them he was just watching TV, he didn’t want to give too much away in front of strangers. It’s not a total lie anyway, Ghosts did love a good gossip. “I take it you called me to get rid of them?”

“Indeed we did, a lot of lives are at stake.” Constantine grimaced. “I, John Constantine, on the behalf of the Justice League, ask for your aid in banishing these wankers from our dimension. Please” the Hellblazer’s bowed, the other leaguers following suit. Several JLD members sighed despairingly at John’s lack of formality.

“Eloquent” Danny quipped, and shrugged “of course you have my aid. But you know as well as I, that it cannot simply be given freely, as much as I would like to” Danny grimaced, running a hand through his hair and curling his tail below him to sit on.

“Yeah I know. Formality dictates a deal be made, blah blah blah.” Constantine rose from the bow with an annoyed sigh. “Remind me why you have to do that again? Because it’s not like you’ve got anyone to answer too.”

“I’ll be threatened with more paperwork. My desk is already overflowing, I can’t afford to get anymore.” Danny deadpanned. He really needed a secretary. “Besides, blowing off all the other Ghostly Offices and Officials would be a very Pariah Dark thing to do, and I’m trying to avoid that for very understandable reasons.”

“I get it I get it.” John sighed. “Well, can’t give you my bloody soul since you already have it, and I doubt you want anyone else’s either.”

“Definitely not. I really want to stay out of the Soul Trade as much as possible.” Danny grumbled. It was bad enough he inherited a bunch of contacts from Pariah when he took the throne, he didn’t want any more souls! He’s only acquired two by himself so far, Razer had caught him by surprise, and he couldn’t exactly refuse Satan’s ‘gift’. “Tradition and formality dictate that the payment must be of significant value to the summoner, so something like a sandwich would be considered insufficient, no matter how much I wish it wasn’t. I need something significant, in order to not have those OCD eyeball-jerks the Observants up in arms later.” Green Arrow repeated that last part, muttering in confusion.

“You would save the world for a sandwich?” Superman asked, looking rather taken aback.

“Sandwiches are good” Danny shrugged, ignoring the crowds mutters of ‘why would an eldritch horror want a sandwich’ and a few murmurs of ‘he’s not wrong’. “I have no desire for souls, and find slaves, brides and firstborns to be tasteless and vile. So while they would be sufficient, I would not accept them on principle.”

“Would things of Monetary value be sufficient? Or money in and of itself?” Batman queried. Danny hummed, considering the question. Does Batman have money? Is that why he’s asking? Justice League has to get funding from somewhere… Wes Weston’s ‘Batman is a Wayne family member’ conspiracy surfaced in his mind, and Danny quickly swatted it back to the depths on principle.

“It can be, but the cost would be need to be proportionate to the request, and I’d rather not bankrupt anyone.” Danny sighed.

“You mentioned not wanting souls or lives, but what of blood sacrifice itself?” Wonder Woman asked. Danny recalled that the ancient Greeks would sacrifice animals to the gods, so this wasn’t too surprising coming from her.

“I have… mixed feelings regarding that. I refuse to accept human sacrifices of course, but animals are reasonably acceptable. I’ve no issue with consuming flesh and blood, if anything my Doctor would encourage it, but I have close allies that deeply frown upon sacrifices of that nature, and admittedly I find it uncomfortable myself.” Sam would re-kill him if he accepted a slaughtered animal. “I’ve seen enough dead goats at this point for several un-lifetimes…” Danny muttered bitterly.

“S-s-starting to see why you’d r-rather accept a s-sandwich. This i-is sup-prisingly c-complicated.” Flash grinned awkwardly. Danny attempted to give him a reassuring smile, but judging by his reaction he wasn’t very successful. Dangit.

“Breathe speedster. Remember that I mean you no harm.” Danny murmured as gently as he could. He really didn’t, despite how much work the Flashpoints gave both him and Clockwork (who probably would mean the speedster harm if they ever met). The Flash did not look 100% convinced, but still seemed grateful for the assurance.

“This is getting difficult.” Superman scowled. “Lives are on the line, we need to act fast.”

“I share your anxiety, son of Krypton. I take no pleasure or satisfaction from lives being cut short prematurely, as mine once was.” Danny sighed, leaning back. The JL members were muttering amongst themselves. Trying to come up with ideas. His last comment got a few winces of sympathy from the crowd, particularly the JLD. They no doubt were wondering how violent and cruel his demise must have been, in order to create a spirit like him. Danny was going to let them continue thinking that, as there was no way he was ever letting them find out he died by ‘electrocution & an inter-dimensional portal opening on his head due to Teenage stupidity’.

Danny let the whispers and mutters of the crowd flow over him, but regretted it quickly. Unsurprisingly, the Ghost King form was unpopular. Many people in attendance were clearly frightened and uncomfortable with his appearance. Danny would switch back to regular Phantom if he could, but he could only drop it once the deal was made and no sooner, otherwise he’d never hear the end of it from the Observants!! God he hated those eyeball-bastards and their commitment to traditions. They seemed determined to drown him in paperwork! And thanks to their Traditions and Formalities he was scaring 90% of the caped community. Not the kind of first impression Danny would have preferred.

“…For the sake of my sanity would you stop lusting over the Eldritch horror?!” A voice suddenly wheezed out. Ahh, of course. There’s always one or two Teratophiliacs in the crowd. As much as Danny disliked people being scared of the king form, the Monsterfucker community creeped him out. Sometimes they just got a bit too… intense. Danny glanced over to see who had been speaking, and was immediately stunned. What in the heck? That was the Batfamily. One of them was… interested? What? Most of them appeared to be talking to Red Hood, does that mean… w-was it him? There was no denying that Hood was Danny’s favorite among the Gotham Vigilantes. For… um, multiple reasons, most of which Sam and Val still teased him for. Hood then removed his helmet and… wow. He’s actually pretty handsome… forget that. He’s gorgeous. Danny should probably focus but-

“I will not. That is single-handedly the most beautiful and hot creature I have ever seen in my life, and I have no shame in admitting that!” What. “I do not care if he’s an undead eldritch horror, he could do utterly unspeakable things to me and I would thank him for the rest of eternity. I shit you not, I would have his fucking children if I was biologically capable of it.” Double What. “I have never seen a being more ethereally beautiful and haunting, and I am genuinely tempted to write poetry about how gorgeous he is. And I would appreciate it if you would ease off my back about it, and just let me enjoy my fantasies in peace, alright?” Hood finished his tirade, much to the shock of both his siblings and Danny. He’d been rather loud, and several people had noticed Danny looking in that direction, baffled. Danny on the other hand…

…Oh ANCIENTS. That really just happened?! Holy crap holy crap holy crap! Red Hood. RED HOOD. Thought… all that?! About Danny?! Danny’s vigilante celebrity crush of all people?! He liked the Ghist King form?! ANCIENTS GIVE HIM STRENGTH. RED HOOD IS INTO DANNY. This was definitely not how Danny thought this summoning would go, he’d have thought he’d died and gone to heaven if it weren’t for the fact he was already dead multiple times over!

“Well, I have good news for you Hood” Robin spoke, having noticed Danny’s attention on them.

“What?”

“His Majesty apparently has very keen hearing”. Red Hood abruptly turned and saw Danny staring, and his face went bright red.

“…Oh”

There was a beat of silence, before Danny felt his face heat up and he quickly covered it, letting a flustered little whine escape him, decorum be damned. He’d heard things like t-that before, even in regular phantom form, but he’d never really heard it from anyone who Danny actually found likeable or attractive. Especially not where the king form was concerned. For once, Danny has been gifted a Monsterfucker he was genuinely into!! Thank you universe!! Dammit, he could hear Constantine snickering! Bastard!

“W-well. Thank you, that is um… quite the confidence booster” Danny choked out, peeking out at Red Hood through a gap between his fingers. Hood looked like he was blushing even harder, and damn it was cute! Danny wanted to burn that image into his retinas. All six of them.

“Y-you’re Welcome.” Hood replied, sounding a little hoarse. Now that Danny thought about it, he’d never heard Hood’s voice without the Helmet’s vocoder distorting it. He has a very nice voice, you can actually hear the Jersey accent. It would sound pretty nice screaming his naaaAAA DANIEL JAMES FENTON. NO. BAD GHOST KING. NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE HORNY.

“Oh my fucking god” Red Robin and Spoiler wheezed, partially collapsing from laughter. Signal and Orphan looked like they were barely keeping their composure, and Robin and Nightwing looked various different levels of horrified. Oh fuck, right, they have an audience here. Focus Danny focus!!

“Ahahah let’s back to the negotiations ey???!” Danny yelped, turning back to Constantine and removing his hands from his face and forcing a more confident grin onto his face. Constantine was clearly not convincinced by the display, and the other JL members weren’t quite sure how they felt about seeing more of Danny’s teeth. Batman looked like he was reevaluating life decisions, which was fair.

“Yes. We d-definitely should” Constantine choked, still laughing. Danny glared at him.

“John I swear to the ancients I can and will sic Youngblood on you again if you don’t shut up” Danny hissed. Constantine immediately groaned.

“Oh Christ please don’t. He threw eggs and toilet paper at me for a full forty eight hours. I don’t know where he got that many eggs, or that much bog roll, but I can’t face doing that much laundry again” he groaned, causing a few snickers from his coworkers. “Alright look, you’re a Guardian Spirit right? Protection based obsession? You could probably knock the price down since this likely counts as obsession fulfillment, right?” Oh fuck, yes! Why hadn’t Danny thought of that sooner!!

“You’re right, it does, I should have thought of that. It would decrease the price dramatically, since I’d be protecting such a large volume of people” Danny felt his core buzz excitedly at the prospect. “Actually, Obsession fulfillment can be considered a form of payment in and of itself!” It just didn’t happen very often because obsessions are complicated.

“Alright then! Now we’re getting somewhere!” Constantine grinned.

“Do you have other obsessions we could fulfill?” Zatanna queried. Green Lantern paled a little.

“His other obsessions could be something weird and dangerous, why would she ask that?? That just seems so unnecessarily risky” He muttered under his breath. Danny folded his arms, a little annoyed.

“I can hear you, Lantern” Danny said coldly, and the man immediately went white as a sheet and began stuttering apolgies. He shut up when Danny held up a hand.

“I understand your concern, believe me. There are plenty of unsavory spirits out there. I just wasn’t thrilled with your tone.” Danny sighed. “To answer your question Zatanna, my other primary obsession is Space. I’ve been in love with the cosmos since I was very young, and it carried over in death.” Danny explained sheepishly.

“That explains the cloak, I just thought it was for aesthetic purposes” Aquaman hummed. Danny lifted some of the material, smile fond. A few awed gasps sounded out as a couple shooting stars zoomed across the folds.

“Ah! I’ve got an idea!” Constantine grinned. “It fulfills the space obsession, and the protection one a bit! Your career started out as a small town vigilante right?”

“Started and remains so, I haven’t yet left the hero business, and don’t really plan on doing so any time soon” Danny shrugged. “Why’d you ask?”

“Wait, Constantine, you can’t be thinking of..” Green Arrow began.

“A Justice League membership would give you watchtower access.” Constantine grinned, and Danny’s eyes widened. Several people sputtered.

“Constantine, King Phantom is a massive unknown to us, we can’t just—” Superman protested. Batman nodded in agreement.

“It’d be fine. Phantom is a Guardian Spirit at heart. Giving him long term access to the watchtower would mean it’s protected against all supernatural threats, and in the case of a similar incident ever cropping up, we could simply call on him as another Member, and we wouldn’t have to go through this summoning ritual bullshite again. I can vouch for his character” John explained, before turning to Danny and speaking in choppy Ghost Speak with a mischievous grin. “It also mean that you is more likely to be path-crossing with Red Hood.”

Holy crap. This would be AWESOME. WATCHTOWER ACCESS?! He could hang out on the coolest space station ever?! Surrounded by cool heroes?! Working with them?? Making a much better second impression since the first one is scaring most of them?? Local hero Danny Phantom finally getting the recognition, support and respect he’s been craving since he was 14?? And beating Red Huntress to it is so totally a bonus!! Suck it Valerie!! And… oh man. Red Hood. Working together. Sharing a break room. That. That is an image. That is an image Danny likes. Oh ancients, potential for Office romance moments? (Is Danny still reeling from the fact he actually has a shot with Hood? 100%).

Who cares if the Observants don’t think it’s enough, Danny is not passing up this opportunity. “You’ve got a deal Hellblazer. I’d be honoured” Danny replied, bowing and barely containing his excitement. Danny stretched out his hand, condensing energy into solid matter and forming a Contract, holding it out to Constantine to take. The mage took it, grinning victoriously, but was met with several people protesting loudly. Dangit, Danny thought it was too easy —

“I stand with Constantine on this. A Guardian Spirit as strong as High King Phantom would be an invaluable asset to us all” Dr Fate spoke out over the crowd, silencing all voices of dissent. He’d been silent up until now, but Danny had noticed him scrutinizing him. Guess he… passed the test? Yay regardless. “…Do remember to read the fine print Constantine” the doctor murmured quietly.

“I’m not a bloody rookie, get your shiny mug out of my arse you wanker” Constantine grumbled. “No insidious loopholes for us to be snared in, and we’re allowed to terminate it at any time. Best deal you can probably get, especially from someone of Phantom’s caliber” Constantine smiled, signing his name and passing it to be signed by the rest of the JLD and Founding members. They all scanned the contract before signing. There were still some grumbling, but Zatanna told them that it was worth it for the amount of lives that will be saved. Finally, the contract was signed, and dissipated in a puff of smoke. Danny felt the distinctive tug on his core indicating the deal was done. FINALLY.

“Alright, the deal is made and all the terms are agreed upon. The contract is officially signed. I will deal with the invading forces, and make sure they will never be able to cut through to another dimension in the name of tyranny again” Danny straightened up as he spoke. “I will depart and deal with the threat at once.”

“The Justice League is in your debt King Phantom” Batman spoke, bowing respectfully. Now, Danny needed to go and chuck the fruitloop invaders back into their own dimension, and ward it against them escaping it again without noble intentions. It shouldn’t be too time consuming or exhausting… so he… Danny probably had time to… oh for the love of, just do it coward!! Danny turned once more to Red Hood, who immediately snapped to attention. Robin and Nightwing both reached for their weapons, while Red Robin pulled out a phone, smirking.

“Um. B-before I go, uh…” Danny mumbled nervously, looking away nervously. “R-Red Hood, if I may speak with you for a moment?” Holy crap he’s really doing this holy crap holy crap holy crap. Be cool Fenton! Red Hood walked up to the edge of the summoning circle, apparently oblivious to the terrified hissing and discouraging from Nightwing and Robin. Danny gulped nervously, hoping that his normal form wasn’t too much of a let down, and shifted back to regular Phantom, keeping the ring, crown and cloak. Danny immediately felt relieved when the blush returned to the vigilante’s cheeks - standard Phantom was still a hit! Blushing, Danny reached into his chest and began fumbling for his phone. Keys, wallet, emergency chloroform, Fenton Thermos, Soup Thermos, PHONE!!

“I-I’m cool with exchanging contact info, I-if you’d like to meet up and get lunch sometime?” Danny smiled nervously. “T-this is a lot easier than summoning circles, certainly much less messy” he explained while gesturing to the beat up looking phone. Hopefully this isn’t too sudden…

Red Hood gaped at him for a minute, before frantically fumbling for his own phone. “Y-yeah! I am very cool with that. Totally cool, very enthusiastic. I would love to have lunch with you sometime” he said, pulling out the phone and pulling up the New Contact page. The pair exchanged phone numbers, putting each other’s contact information in.

“Um. Y’know, not the first time someone’s y’know. Reacted like that to the Ghost King Form. It’s just… first time it’s been from someone this hot” Danny admitted, glancing up at the vigilante. Ancients he was hot. Now that they’re eye level Danny could see all the details and was mentally filing them away for later when he was alone. Ugh, those muscles, and his hair looks so fluffy! Scars look pretty hot too, Danny could wouldn’t mind adding in a few of his own marks to that stunning canvas - focus Danny!!

“R-really? High praise coming from you King Phantom” Hood smiled. Danny resisted the urge to kiss that smile… and that jawline… and neck…. shoulders… wait shit! He needs to give the guy his actual name first!!

“Oh, you can call me Danny. My full name’s Danny Phantom.” He said quickly while phasing his phone back into his body, unable to wipe the grin off his face.

“Danny then. Cute name” Hood smirked. Oh Danny really wanted to wipe that smirk off his face. Preferably by pinning him against a wall. Or floor, or potentially a ceiling — The nearest available flat surface. “So, you thought I was hot?” Focus Danny, you can be horny later.

“Oh yes, drop dead gorgeous.” Danny laughed. “Not to mention what you said had my cold dead heart skip a beat or two.” Or maybe flat out stop it for a few seconds, but no one needs to know that.

“Was that a death pun? What that two death puns?” Hood asked, eyes wide with amusement and surprise. Ahh, so he also appreciates dark humour. God, he was way too perfect. Danny is definitely going off the deep end here.

“Mayybe” Danny smirked. Time to show off, just a little. And also indulge, just a little (he couldn’t resist, Hood was WAY too hot!!). Danny pushed some energy into his hands, and casually tore through the summoning barrier. He leaned in, while his target was still stunned, and promptly gave Hood a chaste little peck on the cheek. Ancients, he smelt fantastic! He smelt of Lazarus Ecto, Curses and tea, plus Danny could actually detect a hint of gunpowder, which was insanely sexy.

He then yoinked himself back and flew away, before his poor impluse control got the better of him. He spotted Nightwing lying prone on the floor and Spoiler wheeze laughing. Guess the guy fainted. “OKAYGOTTAGOSAVELIVESNOWCALLMEBYEEEEEEE!!” He screamed, hurting out of the watchtower window and towards the dimensional rip. He couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“FUUUUUUUUCKKK YEEEEEEEESSS!!” Danny screamed with joy, body slamming a spaceship back through the Interdimensional Rip. He has a date with The Red Hood! Danny Phantom has a date with The Red Hood!

Finally, the invaders were dealt with. He’d basically just drop kicked several battleships back into their native dimension, and sent Dan, Fright Knight, Pandora and the Skeleton Army to collect (and beat up) any stragglers, while weaving a ward around that dimension. Unless they were doing it with good intentions, no one could get out of that dimension.

He opened a portal into his room and collapsed on his bed with an exhausted but happy wheeze. He pulled his belongings out of himself with a grin, before shifting back to human form. Jazz was walking by, but upon noticing the flash of light from his transformation, quickly dashed in.

“Danny!! You’re back!! I saw the news, you did it!!” She cheered, bundling him up into a crushing hug. Danny, at that point, was too exhausted to hug her back, so just nuzzled his head against her chest. She released him, and laughed as he plopped back down into his bed like a ragdoll. “Oof, okay. You look like shit, so I assume you’re exhausted.”

“Dead tired” Danny chuckled.

“Can you at least give me the highlights??” Jazz smiled, then smirked. “You’ve got a stupid grin on your face so I take it something good happened.”

“Well, firstly: I’m joining the Justice League” he grinned. Jazz’s eyes widened, before she squealed in joy and hugged him again, this time lifting Danny up and spinning him around the room, before droppping him back on the bed. “Don’t tell mom and dad until tomorrow. I don’t have the energy for their particular brand of enthusiasm right now” Danny wheezed.

“I won’t but congratulations congratulations congratulations!!” She grinned, sitting up. “You’ve earned it little brother, seriously. Anything else??”

“Ohhhh definitely. But you can tell nobody, it’s my news to share” Danny grinned. She nodded gravely, grinning again when Danny lifted his phone. Time for the bombshell to end all bombshells: “I got Red Hood’s fucking phone number” he grinned victoriously.

Jazz proceeded to loose her mind, quite loudly. Danny had to clamp a hand over her mouth, laughing, so she wouldn’t wake their parents. Suffice to say his big sister was happy for him.

Oh ancients, Danny could not wait to text Red Hood in the morning…

PART ONE

And here’s the highly requested part two!! Thank you all so much for all the love on the first part, I’m so glad you all enjoyed it! Hope this lives up to your expectations.

I will be continuing this further, and posting this on Ao3. All future additions to the story will be posted there.

Again, thank you for all the love, & if you’ve got potential date ideas for these two idiots I’d love to hear them.

[cullenbluewrites]

The real Green Lanterns of Earth see this on the news, and immediately start wondering if they could do that as well.

Hal Jordan, staring intently at his ring: …hm.

John Stewart: Hal, no. Don’t do it

Hal Jordan: I’m not actually going to.

John Stewart: but you’re thinking about it, and that’s the worrying part. Guy NO

Guy, freezing in place, about to drop his ring into his mouth: !!

One of them is going to try it, and It’s not going to end well.

dpxdc

Danny uses a shield to protect someone. Due to the colour, the person assumes he's a Green Lantern.

Danny just goes along with it, even if it prompts discussions such as;

"Wait, if you're a Green Lantern, then where's your ring?"

"Oh, I, uh, ate it."

[cullenbluewrites]

AAAAAHH!!! He looks great!!! The bones look awesome! And the size difference is perfect.

28 hours?! My friend, you must rest! You have earned it!

@cullenbluewrites IM DONEEEEEEEEEEE

It took me 28 LONG ASS HOURS but ✨I did it✨

Sorry if I drew the wrong red hood lol, I'm pretty new to batfam stuff

Y'all r also getting pinged cuz I worked really hard on this and ur my moots @neverniko101 @jaydenssocool @soul100 @aurora-starlight-silly @snowdrop-wolf

[cullenbluewrites]

Absolutely OBSESSED with the sixeyed DP x JC au

I was wondering if your alright with fanart? I'd absolutely love to give Phantom a go if your alright with it! (With proper credit ofc)

Fanart? Fanart for me?? 🥺 I’d be honoured! You liked it that much?? 🩷 By all means go ahead!! I’d love to see your interpretation of him!

(I’m still sketching out a reference image of Ghost King Danny myself, I wasn’t sure if the description I gave really did him justice. There were some details I was a little vague on, as I didn’t want to ramble)

Make sure you tag me!! I can’t wait to see :)

[cullenbluewrites]

Six-Eyed, Undead Royal Beauty

DP x DC

Do not repost this to other platforms. If you see this elsewhere, it is likely without my consent.

If you see this elsewhere please notify me

It started with Earth being invaded by beings from a foreign dimension. They’d used some weird combination of magic and science to carve their way into this dimension, and were set on conquering Earth to use the inhabitants as a slave force/food supply/something else sinister and morally abhorrent. Jason wasn’t 100% paying attention to what these guys goals were, he just knew he was allowed to shoot the scumbags.

Anyway: interdimensional threat, requires interdimensional aid. The JL Dark had decided on summoning the King of the Infinite Realms. Which sounds intense and risky, but Constantine had assured them all it was fine. Apparently the last king was dethroned, and the new ruler was quite keen on maintaining balance, and not being a ‘Tyrannical Dimension-Razing Wanker like Pariah Dark had been’ (John Constantine at his finest).

Apparently there had been friendly encounters with the king before. Raven had met with the king, seeking his aid in emancipating herself from her father. She had described King Phantom as kind hearted and rather humorous, but absolutely ruthless when the chips were down - Trigon no longer held sway over Raven, and she was forever in King Phantom’s debt.

One of the Green Lantern Team’s allies, some Emo, Bichomatic Lantern called Razer (Jason did not know those guys came in more than one colour until now), had apparently sold Phantom his soul in return for finding his missing/dead girlfriend (that whole situation has been labeled as ‘Existentially Complicated’ by Hal Jordan). When he had been called to confirm, Razer had explained that King Phantom was immensely uncomfortable about the whole Soul-Owning part, and was actually very enthusiastic about helping to reunite the lovers. As for the Soul Contract part, it had been reduced to 100 years of service and a garuntee of employment after Razer’s inevitable demise. Jason thought that was a pretty good deal, all things considered.

Constantine’s soul also belonged to King Phantom apparently. This was not very surprising, because it felt like almost everybody had a claim to the Hellblazer’s soul at this point (even Tim, who initially drew up that contract as a joke). The High King apparently had a disagreement with Satan himself at one point, and the devil had politely ‘gifted’ Phantom the Hellblazer’s soul in retaliation. Every contract Constantine had ever made with a Hellborn creature had been passed onto King Phantom, in an act of Pettiness disguised as respect. ‘According to king Phantom, I’m that annoying’ Constantine had announced proudly. Everyone agreed that a) that’s not something he should be proud of, and b) yes he is that annoying. Much like Razer, Constantine had a nice, cushy desk job waiting for him when he eventually kicks the bucket.

All in all, they had good reason to believe High King Phantom would assist them in their time of need. Since it had been an all hands on Deck Scenario, Jason was here with the rest of the Batfamily, fighting alongside the rest of the Costumed Community - every hero, vigilante and antihero had been called in. Currently, Jason was toward the back of the crowd with his siblings, while the JLD and the Founding Members negotiated with King Phantom. The rest of the crowd were monitoring the situation planetside or gossiping. Naturally, their Royal Guest currently in the huge summoning circle was the primary topic being discussed.

And dear god, was the High King an incredible, beautiful sight to behold. Phantom was over four stories tall, with snowy white hair that faded into soft vapour. His skin was a pale blueish gray, and he had long pointed ears, and six glowing green eyes. When the king spoke, Jason could see that his serrated teeth and long, razor sharp canines were Lazarus green, and that his tongue was forked. When he smiled, it was a little too wide to be considered normal. He had four arms, the forearms seemingly made of living ice, with phantom’s green-tinged bones visible through them. His torso was partially melted away, revealing part of his glowing green ribcage and spinal cord. His hips were covered, his flesh returning, and forming a long, black, coiling tail seemingly formed of wispy tendrils. His hands had long, talon-like claws that looked like they could spear through multiple entire humans, and looked sharp enough to shred through metal with ease. He seemed to be clothed in a skin tight, black and white jumpsuit, and had a flowing cape that looked like it contained the cosmos in its folds. His kingly artifacts, the crown and ring, glowed a pulsating, neon green, emanating strength and power.

He looked terrifying, a being of pure Death. A great deal of the room looked up at King Phantom in fear.

He was the most beautifully harrowing thing Jason had ever seen. It didn’t help that Phantom has such a kind looking smile, despite his less human features. He had such a gentle and friendly voice too, and yet he still commanded power with it. Jason’s poor dark romance obsessed heart was swooning HARD… And unfortunately it was kind of obvious, even with the helmet on.

“Hood. Not the time for Gay Panic. Or Monsterfucker panic.” Tim hissed, elbowing him. “I get it, I can kind of see where you’re coming from, but for the love of god pull yourself together.”

“Shut up, just let me enjoy the view in peace” Jason hissed back, eyes not leaving the six-eyed, undead, royal beauty before him. He swallowed, throat feeling dry, despite the fact Jason was probably drooling. Definitely drooling.

“I agree with Red Robin. For once. This is unbecoming of you hood.” Damian chimed in, annoyed. “That is an eldritch emissary of death itself. It reeks of the Lazarus pits. Do not fall for it.”

“Really not sure why you’re so enamored anyway. That guy looks scary as shit” Nightwing grumbled, eyes trained suspiciously on the giant ghost, posture tense. He clearly did not share Jason’s superior taste.

“Shut the fuck up” Jason growled, annoyed. He just wanted to ogle the undead eye-candy without his siblings audibly judging him for it, judge him in your heads like normal people for crying out loud.

“He’s very polite and friendly” Cass remarked neutrally. She looked a little uncomfortable, but Phantom clearly didn’t set off as many warning alarms for her as he did for Dick and Damien.

“Please do not indulge Jason’s monsterfucker agenda” Tim groaned. Steph laughed.

“The lights and colours on this guy…. I mean he is kind of mesmerizing, to be fair to hood” Duke hummed, staring at King Phantom with awe.

“Thank you Signal, for being the only guy here to back me up” Jason grumbled, folding his arms defensively.

“Well, to be fair to the others, I’m like 90% sure you’re drooling under the helmet Big Red” Steph laughed, and Jason flipped the bird at her in response.

“I totally am, and I feel zero shame for it” Jason grinned. “That guy is a solid 12/10, an absolute bombshell of an Entity” he purred. Tim gagged dramatically.

“Oh fucking hell little wing, for the sake of my sanity would you stop lusting over the Eldritch horror?!” Nightwing wheezed, glancing between Jason and Phantom’s titanic floating form in mostly hidden terror. Alright, that’s it. Time to horrify his siblings in public. Maybe this will teach them to keep their mouths shut. Jason turned to his brother, taking the helmet off so Dick could see his domino mask covered face as he said this.

“I will not. That is single-handedly the most beautiful and hot creature I have ever seen in my life, and I have no shame in admitting that!” Jason announced proudly. “I do not care if he’s an undead eldritch horror, he could do utterly unspeakable things to me and I would thank him for the rest of eternity. I shit you not, I would have his fucking children if I was biologically capable of it. I have never seen a being more ethereally beautiful and haunting, and I am genuinely tempted to write poetry about how gorgeous he is. And I would appreciate it if you would ease off my back about it, and just let me enjoy my fantasies in peace, alright?”

Dick’s mouth was agape, speechless. Jason smiled, smug. That wasn’t even the most shameless thing he could have said, there were a lot of thoughts rattling around in his brain and only 80% were PG-13. Even his other siblings had been shocked into silence. He was so proud he didn’t even notice how quiet things had gotten.

“Well, I have good news for you Hood” Damien wheezed, and Jason turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

“What?”

“His Majesty apparently has very keen hearing” Damien finished, eyes trained nervously on the high king in question. Jason quickly turned to see not only a large portion of the Justice League staring at him in confusion or shock… but King Phantom himself staring at him, wide eyed and mouth agape.

Oops

“…oh.” Jason said intelligently, face turning as red as his helmet. He really hoped King Phantom wasn’t offended by that little outburst. In hindsight, Jason really should have guessed that the guy who’s ears were roughly the same size as a car would have good hearing. He could see Constantine suppressing Laughter, and Bruce had his head in his hands. Welp, this is what he gets for being Horny in public. Phantom had completely frozen up, and Jason frantically started thinking of apologies. He’d definitely screwed this up.

Suddenly, phantom’s mouth snapped shut, his face turning bright green, and he reeled back a bit, covering all six eyes with both sets of hands. Jason swore the guy whimpered a little. It was a noise Jason would replay in his mind for ever.

“W-well. Thank you, that is um… quite the confidence booster” Phantom choked out, flustered and flushed, peeking out at Jason through a gap between his fingers. Cute.

“Y-you’re Welcome.” Jason replied, equally flustered. Holy shit holy shit holy shit that response was ADORABLE. Have Mercy on Jason’s poor battered soul! He can’t handle this!! His mind is already picking potential wedding outfits! And that’s not a small feat when you account for the size difference!

“Oh my fucking god” Steph and Tim wheezed, barely containing their laughter. Fair enough to them, the laughter is earned.

“Ahahah let’s back to the negotiations ey???!” Phantom yelped nervously, turning back to Constantine and removing his hands from his face and grinning. He was still bright green and he looked so monumentally flustered and awkward, Jason was swooning once more. God, if King Phantom was interested in a consort…

“I think we should probably give up on Hood” Robin sighed “he’s too far gone”. He was met with a series of agreeing grunts and grumbles.

The talks went on for a bit longer, the JL and JLD finally hashing out a contract that wouldn’t negatively impact the JL, and that wouldn’t ‘have those OCD eyeball-jerks the Observants up in arms later’. Phantoms pointy ear-tips were still flushed green.

“Alright, the deal is made and all the terms are agreed upon. The contract is officially signed. I will deal with the invading forces, and make sure they will never be able to cut through to another dimension in the name of tyranny again” Phantom spoke formally, his voice firm and confident. “I will depart and deal with the threat at once.”

“The Justice League is in your debt King Phantom” Bruce bowed his head respectfully, and Phantom returned the bow graciously. Then the king… lingered. Awkward. He glanced toward Jason, who straightened up.

“Um. B-before I go, uh…” Phantom mumbled nervously, before averting his gaze. “R-Red Hood, if I may speak with you for a moment?”Jason gulped, walking forward to stand at the front of the crowd, before king Phantom. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him. Phantom gulped, before there was suddenly a flash of light, as Phantom’s form seems to shift, morph and shrink, until a significantly smaller figure stood before him. It was unmistakably still King Phantom, despite not looking more like a regular person (if you ignore the glowing, the grey-blue skin, white hair and green eyes), his crown and ring still present. Only now, the cape looked more like a cloak, and his jumpsuit resembled a simplistic Hero getup. He also had legs now. They were nice legs. They would probably look great while pinning Jason down on the floor, while Phantoms boot pressed against his throat— FOCUS JASON. HEAD OUT OF GUTTER.

Phantom was still green-faced and sheepish. He hesitantly reached into his sternum - hand going right inside himself - and pulled out a battered looking phone. Apparently instead of pockets, Phantom just kept his possessions inside his body. Fascinating.

“I-I’m cool with exchanging contact info, I-if you’d like to meet up and get lunch sometime?” Phantom smiled at him, nervously. “T-this is a lot easier than summoning circles, certainly much less messy” the ghost explained, gesturing to the phone.

Jason gaped, before springing into action and pulling out his favorite burner phone. Holy shit holy shit holy shit. Hot eldritch shapeshifter wants to go on a date. This is the best day ever. “Y-yeah! I am very cool with that. Totally cool, very enthusiastic. I would love to have lunch with you sometime” Jason rambled as he walked up to the edge of the summoning circle, and the pair began typing in each other’s numbers. Phantom still had the claws and fangs, but they look looked less likely to carve through his flesh and shred Jason to pieces (he wouldn’t mind if they did, it’d be such a sexy way to go).

“Um. Y’know, not the first time someone’s y’know. Reacted like that to the Ghost King Form.” Phantom murmured. “It’s just… first time it’s been from someone this hot” the King smiled, looking up at Jason through his hair. God, how does this guy alternate between being super hot and super cute so well. It’s unfair.

“R-really? High praise coming from you King Phantom” Jason smiled, finishing typing in the Kings digits and pocketing his phone. Play it cool Todd.

“Oh, you can call me Danny. My full name’s Danny Phantom.” Danny grinned at him. The king of all dead and ruler of the infinite realms name was Danny. Fucking Danny. It’s perfect.

“Danny then. Cute name” Jason smirked, earring him a blush from the Ghost. “So, you thought I was hot?”

“Oh yes, drop dead gorgeous.” Danny laughed, oh what a beautiful sound that was. “Not to mention what you said had my cold dead heart to skip a beat or two.”

“Was that a death pun? What that two death puns?” Why did Jason find that adorable? God they share a love of death puns. His heart just skipped a damn beat!

“Mayybe” Danny smirked, before tearing through the summoning barrier (HE COULD DO THAT THE WHOLE TIME), causing several people to curse and yell in shock, and gave Jason a peck on the cheek. Before he could react, Danny zoomed off towards the chaos, yelling “OKAYGOTTAGOSAVELIVESNOWCALLMEBYEEEEEEE!!” As he left, phasing through the Watchtower window. Jason stood there, brain sending him the Error 404 message as he stood there in shock. He sat down.

“Holy fucking shit” Jason wheezed, breaking the silence.

“Holy fucking shit indeed! Congratulations Red Hood! You just scored one hell of a date!” Constantine laughed. “Fucking hell kid. I’ve seen cosmic powered entities get flustered before, but never one that powerful! You just won the bloody lottery.”

The whole room was alight with conversation. Jason had kind of forgotten that the Justice League was even there, or that the world was a stake! He flopped backward against the ground, staring up at the watchtower cieling. He’d just, apparently, wooed an all powerful undead spirit in under a minute. Damn. Jason could see Bruce approaching him slowly.

“Son.” Bruce said, tonelessly.

“Save it old man, I don’t want a lecture” Jason sighed, closing his eyes.

“I… I don’t have a lecture for that” Bruce admitted, sounding as shocked as Jason felt. “Im still processing everything I just saw. I don’t know what just happened.”

“Me neither to be honest” Jason wheezed.

“…Congratulations. Be cautious… I suppose” Bruce mumbled, still shocked at the series of events. “Be sure to form contingencies if Phantom’s attentions turn sour.”

“Thanks B.” Jason responded, lying there on the watchtower floor, wondering if that was all a dream. The rest of the League ran around him, still paying attention to the crisis Phantom was actively solving. Holy crap. Jason Todd-Wayne had a date with the Ghost King.

…

“…I think Nightwing fainted!” Superboy yelled, lifting the limp form of Nightwing. Oops.

PART TWO

Should I continue this + post it to Ao3? Lemme know in the comments.

[cullenbluewrites]

Megatron had to use a ladder to access his throne. He refused to ask or accept any help, despite Soundwave offering. He’s going to be self sufficient no matter how tiny he is right now.

Shockwave is actually learning quite a lot. The fact it’s coming from Starscream is what baffles him - most illogical. Starscream on the other hand is wondering if he’d make a decent teacher… him. If politics and overthrowing Megatron don’t pan out then perhaps that’s an option.

————————————

Skyfire receiving the finished paper would have been a sight to behold though.

Skyfire, getting a notification that Starscream has sent him a file: ah! Starscream is reaching out to me? After everything? Oh this is wonderful! It’s a research paper? What is it about… wait… what… oh my… this is…

Skyfire, finishing the paper and realising the research opportunity he’s missed out on: …SPAWN OF A GLITCH!!!

Optimus on the other side of the Ark: …wow. That was the loudest profanity I’ve ever heard…

Skyfire ends up charging into Fae territory (with several Autobots following him in an attempt to dissuade him) to get himself turned into a human for a bit because he refuses to be one-upped like this. The fae respect the pettiness and comply.

Optimus now has to deal with not only a very smug Skyfire, a furious Prowl, a highly amused Jazz and a baffled Bumblebee, all now stuck as humans.

(Bit embarrassed, I accidentally clicked send before I was finished editing that ask)

I just remembered the Megatron Gets turned into a Human by The Fae/Witches post and thought of this

Megatron, sitting on his throne in his new human form: …Starscream?

Starscream, not looking up from the datapad he’s scribbling notes on: my liege?

Megatron: I feel like I may end up regretting asking you this, but why haven’t you used my current predicament to usurp me? In this comparatively weaker form an assassination attempt would be easy.

Starscream, still not looking up: Lord Megatron, do you recall what my profession was before the rebellion?

Megatron: you were a scientist, if I remember correctly

Starscream: yes. One of my primary fields of study was Xenobiology.

Megatron: xeno…. Are you saying the reason you have not tried to kill me and usurp my position is because I am currently of more value to you as a research subject?!

Starscream, finally looking up: yes. I have been taking copious notes this entire time. I am learning about how an organic lifeform functions but from a cybertronian’s perspective. This study is invaluable.

Megatron: …I don’t know whether to be proud or uncomfortable, but at least you aren’t trying to kill me. Truth be told I’m surprised Shockwave isn’t doing the same thing.

Shockwave: I am. I am simply new to the field of Xenobiology. I never thought I’d be learning something from Starscream of all mechs.

Megatron: Ah.

Starscream, writing in his notes again: I am going to write a paper on this and send it to Skyfire. He’ll be absolutely seething with envy and have no choice but to suck it! Ha!

Megatron: and there’s the scheme.

HEHEHEHEH SO THERE IS A SCHRME BUT IT'S A SCIENTIST VS SCIENTIST SCHEME

Interesting

There's other opportunities here now that I think about suddenly a human!Megatron and xenobiologist!Starscream

Very fun situation and Starscream's right this is one hell of a research opportunity

Did Megatron need help to get up on his throne

[cullenbluewrites]

That’s not the captain

The next day, Rodimus wakes up early and immediately heads into his office. Then calmly eats breakfast while doing all the data work he's behind on (that Magnus and Megatron have been nagging him to do). It's boring as hell, but seeing the shocked expressions on Mag's and Meg's faces when they walked in and saw him was worth it (he's fighting for dear life to not burst out laughing).

Naturally M&M assume something is wrong with Rodimus. He's calm, he's quiet, by lunch he's already a quarter of the way through the pile of datapads that have been piling up for a MONTH. He's basically doing everything a ship’s captain is supposed to be doing. So clearly that's not Rodimus.

Cue Megatron and Magnus subtly trying to investigate what the pit is going on. Megatron discreetly tries to check the back of Rodimus head for Mnemosurgery needle marks so he can rule out shadowplay, and Magnus is casually asking Rodimus questions only he would know the answer to so that he can rule out a shapeshifter.

When they find nothing, they call Ratchet and explain the situation. Rodimus? Behaving? Oh he has to see this. He grabs a scanner and heads up there, Drift following because he has a sense there's a prank happening. Ratchet gets there (bites back a laugh at the repressed panic on M&M's faces), and goes to scan the captain, making up a lie about a little virus that's been going around the ship nothing serious just need to check... and yep. Bubkis. Nada. Zilch. Rodimus' readouts are completely normal, no foreign substances or mind control chips detected.

Megatron and Magnus are stumped. Drift on the other hand has picked up on the fact that Roddy is fucking with them, and decides to play along.

Drift: Maybe he's possessed?

Magnus: do... do you really think that could be a possibility?

Megatron: I'm not sure...

Ratchet picks up on the fact Drift is joking, and realises this is a prank. It's been a slow day today so... eh. Might as well

Ratchet, playing along: weirder things have happened, have they not?

And the agreement of the resident (and dedicated) cynic convinces Megatron and Magnus that yes, the Captain is indeed possessed. There's a brief moment of "maybe we should let the spirit continue...? I mean it's doing more good than harm..."

Then Rodimus starts cleaning up his office and they decide that "nope. Too creepy. This glitch is getting exorcised"

Cut to the end of the workday and Rodimus gets off shift, kind of disappointed nothing happened besides the not so subtle investigation... and is promptly knocked out.

The poor captain wakes up strapped down in the middle of some kind of ritual circle. Magnus, Megatron, Drift and Ratchet are chanting something unintelligible, Rewind is darting around the circle checking it (“yep, this matches up with the record I had archived, knew that would come in handy one day”), Swerve is also dashing around, throwing salt and some kind of water at Rodimus (“it works in the movies!!”), and Cyclonus is looming over him with a sword covered in talismans fully prepared to smite the evil spirit.

Naturally, Rodimus started screaming, but apparently someone decided to gag him (it was Drift, under the guise of ‘we don’t want the spirit trying to curse us, or bargain with us’). Rodimus proceeds to try and burn his restraints off.

Rewind: aah! He’s escaping! Cyclonus quick knock him out again!!

Cyclonus, grabbing a taser from behind him and jabbing it into Rodimus: understood! Return to Slumber foul spirit!

Rodimus is promptly knocked back the hell out, internally cursing and swearing vengeance. This prank completely backfired in his face! And it was harmless, so the punishment does NOT fit the crime.

He wakes up the next day, back in his own berth with an Energon cube waiting for him on the nightstand. He immediately gets up and charges onto the bridge. Magnus and Megatron are there, waiting for him and looking a little hesitant.

Megatron: Rodimus, how ah… How are you feeling…?

Rodimus: WHAT THE ACTUAL FRAG WAS THAT?! Why the pit did you absolute maniacs think I was POSSESSED?!

Magnus: you weren’t?!

Rodimus: NO!!

Drift looses his composure and bursts out laughing. Rodimus lunges at him yelling “YOU. THIS WAS YOUR IDEA” and proceeds to chase him around the bridge and then down the corridor.

Megatron and Magnus silently despair, because a)the exorcism was likely a very stressful situation for Rodimus and they feel guilty, and primarily b) Rodimus is never going to behave again.

Ok hear me out: I feel like Rodimus would one day just decide "fuck it, l'm going to be on my best goddamn behavior tomorrow and see what happens". He wakes up early for once and actually does all the work he’s supposed to do. He actually behaves like a ships captain is supposed be doing.

And it scares the crap out of Megatron and Ultra Magnus. Something is clearly deeply wrong with Rodimus and they must find out. Is he shadowplayed??? Possessed?!

Drift immediately catches on that Rodimus is fucking with them. Does not say anything. Suppresses laughter.

10/10 he deserves this

[cullenbluewrites]

Reasons Characters Don’t Appear in your Fic

Ways of NOT featuring characters in your fanfics, because sometimes they are unnecessary to the current plot you’re writing, and you need a convenient excuse for them to be absent.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

⁠☞ They are occupied with the canon storyline

Whatever they are canonically meant to be doing at the time. Boring, but logical. Whatever media you are currently writing a fanfiction about, if a character is unavailable, consider what they would canonically be doing at the time. This can vary from the actual canon plot, to a habit/routine featured in the story.

Nightwing: anyone seen Tim? Kinda need to borrow him right now.

Batman: currently on Patrol, he won’t be back for a few hours.

Nightwing: ah right, yep. Forgot. Jason?

Batman: Currently with the Outlaws. Bizzaro says hello.

⁠☞ They are off on their own fanfiction adventures.

Character not appearing in the fic? It’s because they’re currently on their own Fanfiction cliche adventure right now and are therefore unavailable. You can stick to the classic tropes or get creative. Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn, time travel etc… take your pick.

Optimus: has anyone seen Prowl? I’ve looked everywhere but I cannot seem to find him.

Jazz: oh yeah, saw him earlier. Said he was in a time loop and couldn’t escape it yet. Apparently he got my help before and wouldn’t need it this time.

Optimus: …not questioning it. You wouldn’t happen to know where bumblebee is either?

Jazz: currently trapped in a cave in with Starscream, pretty sure they made a truce while they’re in there

Optimus: is it going to stay a truce?

Jazz: unlikely, both of them sounded pretty flustered over comms. Might get… interesting.

Optimus: oh Primus, not another cross-faction romance

⁠☞ By virtue/cause of Plague

They’re physically unable to participate. Whether it is illness, injury, disease etc. They have a doctors note from you the author allowing them to not participate in the plot right now.

Harley, on the phone to Nightwing: Heya deep fried Wings! what is up??

Dick: (projectile vomiting into a bucket and groaning).

Harley: ooooh not you apparently. Ok I’ll go ask a different bat-babie for help, I’ll send ya a get well card later okay??

Alfred: that would be appreciated Ms Quinn.

⁠☞ They appear, but consistently invoke the rite of ‘Fuck off I’m busy!’

Their appearance is essentially limited to cameos. You can do whatever you want with what they’re “busy” with, as long as they’re so involved in it they are incapable of participating in the plot.

Ironhide: hey Jazz, you speak to Ratchet?

Jazz: sorta. He threw a wrench at me and yelled ‘FRAG OFF IM BUSY’, so we’re doing this thing without him.

Optimus: did the wrench hit you?

Jazz: I would not be standing here if it did, that thing is embedded in the wall now

Prowl: hm. Terrifying.

Meanwhile Ratchet: (hanging a sign on the meat door: ‘do not disturb, see the wrench’)

⁠☞ They’re the Guy in the Chair

They never appear, but it’s heavily implied they have assisted/are currently assisting in some way offstage.

Batman: three Lexcorp trucks will be heading this way in 15 minutes, based on Lex Luthor’s recent communications we can safely assume his involvement in this. Be ready

Hal: wait, time out, how’d you know? And communications??

Batman: Oracle hacked his email, and has been tracking the trucks via satellite.

Hal: is Oracle the god of computers? …can she fix mine?

Batman: …probably. I’ll ask.

⁠☞ Dead(?)

The angst option is that you actually kill them off. The funny options are: faked their death, dead to the character you’re writing about, they’re just ‘Dead Tired’, or they’re ‘Dead’: Sanka from Cool Runnings style. The latter two can be used with ‘by virtue/cause of plague’

Thundercracker: just got off comms with Starscream. Looks like he will not be joining us.

Acid Storm: oh boy, I see that grimace, what did he say??

Thundercracker: I asked him, ‘you dead?’ And he responded ‘yeah man’ in a very defeated and pained tone. Probably best to just leave him be.

Slipstream: no problem, I’d rather not get shieked at for the rest of this accursed stakeout.

⁠☞ Witness Protection

Shit hit the fan for that character and they are unavailable as a result. This could be serious, as in the character is in actual witness protection/gone into hiding/etc, or comedic, as in they have screwed up and are hiding from everyone as a result.

Signal: uhh, weren’t Nightwing and Spoiler supposed to show up for this mission? Where are they? Running late?

Robin: if only it were that simple. Im afraid that they have currently gone into hiding, and neither are ready to surface as of yet.

Signal: oh no, are they alright?! Is there an emergency I haven’t been told about yet?!

Robin: no, the fools simply painted Father’s cape and Hood’s helmet neon pink and apparently did not think the consequences through.

Signal: ah. They’re doomed.

[cullenbluewrites]

“Do you think we’re soulmates in every universe?”

“Probably not. In an infinite multiverse, nothing is guaranteed. But we are in this one, and that’s all that matters in the end.”

[cullenbluewrites]

Jazz posts a follow up video after that. The video is ‘Showing the Aerialbots a human being the same age as them’ and it’s just the aerialbots taking turns to look in this one hospital window, where you can see a woman holding her newborn baby. The dad is stood in the parking lot talking to them.

All is peaceful until one idiot asks how the baby was created. Moments later one of the bots who was talking to the dad screeches a “THE INFANT CAME OUT OF HER WHAT?!” And the TikTok cuts off as Jazz is laughing maniacally.

Half of the comments are “oh my god they’re baby robots” and the other half is “oh no they’ve been traumatized”. A small portion of them are “Jazz no”, all of which he responds to with “Jazz yes :3”.

If transformers G1 took place in the 2020s the autobots could do a video like 'showing the aerialbots things they've never seen before' and it would be stuff like 'the ocean' 'forest' 'human TV'

Ppl in the comments would be like 'how have they never seen any of this before' and Jazz (runs the Autobot tiktok) would be like well they're new and ppl would be like 'ohh they just got here from Cybertron??' and he'd be like well yeah that too but no I mean they were just imbued with life and free will by vector sigma last week '........ Say WHAT'

[cullenbluewrites]

Liars at Their Finest

Starscream and Loki

TRANSFORMERS X MARVEL

Starscream and Loki have been sitting together and casually chatting for a while now. They both have wine and Energon in front of them respectively. Neither has drank a single drop, not trusting it to not be poisoned.

The topics of the conversation have varied. Knowledge, past exploits, schemes they definitely weren’t involved in, drama and gossip… the good stuff. Half of what they’ve told each other is a bold-faced lie. They both know the other is lying. Neither comments on it.

They both keep up a peaceful and amicable facade, acting as if they had just become the best of friends. Both are fully prepared to stab each other in the back, literally. Starscream is fully prepared to crush this little organic Deity into paste if necessary (it wouldn’t be the most sacrilegious thing he’s ever done), and Loki is subtly scanning the Seekers armor trying to figure out the best way to drive his dagger right into his spark.

Thor is off to one side with Thundercracker and Skywarp, watching their respective murderous siblings with an air of anticipation and exasperation. Skywarp has made a few bets with Thor on who’s going to snap first, and Thundercracker vented with the God of Thunder about having such a troublesome and conniving sibling.

A disaster is certainly on the horizon, that much they can all agree upon.

[cullenbluewrites]

Hello! Remember me? Hi, happy new year. I have returned because recently thought of a TF Animated version of this specific brand of shenanigans.

Basically, Sari, being part Cybertronian herself, would probably be able to make Sparkling Distress Cries™ with zero effort (I’m thinking of this pre-reveal so they don’t know she’s Cybertronian). Would this give the autobots the mechanical equivalent of an aneurysm? Probably. Would it have devastating effects on the Decepticons (who have not seen newsparks since LONG before their banishment)? Absolutely. Does Sari use this power responsibly? Fuuuuck no.

* She does it at the constructicons (who have never even heard of a sparkling) and the autobots come to the rescue… only to find the two cons on the floor begging her to stop the guilt is killing them. If they were human they’d be crying inconsolably.

* Lugnut’s reaction was a shocker. She did it at him mid battle (he was just about to use The Punch) and he just freezes, then VERY SLOWLY lowers himself down in an attempt to seem non threatening and tries to soothe what he has decided is a very strangely shaped sparkling (and not a frame walker because he is NOT dealing with that. No thank you Unicron).

* Blackarachnia doesn’t really know how to handle the situation. She’s quietly trying to sooth Sari and also trying to check if the child is a fellow techno organic as gently and politely as she can. (The fact she was correct is an irony not lost on any of team prime).

* Blitzwing was also caught mid fight, and he just flat out panicked. He just instinctively scooped Sari up and tried to shuffle away from the battlefield/out of danger while Sari continued to make ‘I’m being murdered’/‘this is the scariest moment of my life’ sounds. Blitz honestly looks like he’s gone into shock, all three faces are Alarmed™. The Autobots drop their weapons and have to cajole the panicked triple changer into please giving them THEIR sparkling back. He eventually does and then books it. Sari appreciated that his first instinct was to try protecting her at least.

* Starscream (mid battle, naturally) seems to quite loudly go through all the different stages of grief (while panicking), before just nopenopeNOOOPE-ing his way out of there. He doesn’t know how to deal with this and it’s making him feel a lot of emotions. And maybe a bit depressed? And you know what maybe the clones he planned on making shouldn’t be used as disposable soldiers, they deserved more than that, they came from him after all! Frag it he’s starting a seeker colony on that uninhabited red planet nearby and NO HE DOES NOT HAVE EMPTY NEST SYNDROME shut up.

* Shockwave, if he encountered her, would just be like “huh. Fellow shapeshifter, but small and very young”, move her to once side (near a food source, he’s a professional and he has standards) and continue on his way.

* Megatron feels immensely conflicted about the whole situation. He doesn’t particularly like the fact this organic? (he’s pretty sure that’s an organic. Maybe. Maybe not) is somehow able to sound like a newborn in apparently excruciating pain. He also wants to at least try and sooth it, which is a weird sensation. This is a strange situation, he’s not used to this. He’s… he’s going to call a tactical retreat. This is giving him a processor ache now.

The result back in the Decepticon base is Prof Sumdac watching the constructions having a mental breakdown, Megatron nursing a headache and asking him where the pit he got his progeny from, a rather baffled looking Lugnut, and Blitzwing depressed in the corner because he ended up also getting empty nest syndrome and is handling it badly. Sumdac feels a bit sorry for them.

——

Bonus is her doing it at the Elite Guard to fuck with them. She makes a series of Pissed Off Sparkling chitter at them (aka the ‘leave my guardians the pit alone’ noises). Ultra Magnus just blue screens for a minute or two because What? Jazz backs off but emphatically requests an explanation because organics shouldn’t be able to do that, right? Right? The Jettwins pause for a moment, before deciding to Not Question It™ and chitter back at her. Sentinel shrieks “Frame Walker!!” and runs away screaming. Bumblebee seizes his moment and proceeds to chase him around with her. Optimus… doesn’t have it in him to stop them. This is karma.

I got the image of the Jack, Miko and Rafael learning to imitate Distressed/terrified Sparkling cries and using them against the decepticons. It’s a very efficient defense mechanism. Every cybertronian who heard them is freaking out because oh primus how is the squishy thing making that noise and I gotta protect it at all costs. The sheer chaos that would ensue as the ‘protect/rescue the sparkling’ programming kicks in full force.

——

The vehicons are clustered at the other end of the room panicking. They don’t know what to do. The human sparklings are looking right at them and making distress noises. The guilt is killing them.

Knockout going “is the car form less alarming?! If I turn into a car will you stop seeing me as the threat?!”

Breakdown is having a breakdown.

Starscream pinned to the wall on the other side of the room having an internal crisis. He doesn’t like this. Make it stop.

Soundwave makes no noise but you can FEEL the sheer distress radiating off of him.

Megatron is frozen. No thoughts, head empty. He’s not moving at all. He doesn’t know how to handle this.

——

The autobots have mixed feelings about this. They’re glad the kids have a way of defending themselves but please don’t do it near them. They’re stressed out enough as it is.

(This might sound kinda dumb but I thought it was kinda funny. Very tired while writing this)

Wait no this is actually brilliant.

The Decepticons never anticipated their long buried parental nature to be used against them. No one did. But they day the human children turned up on the battlefield looking far too confident, every Bot and Con present had the all encompassing feeling that something was terribly wrong. Their suspicions were quickly confirmed when, before the Decepticons could do much of anything to get the relics they were after, Rafael began to wail.

Normally, human screams meant nothing. But there was a certain pitch that sounded so close to a cry of distress from a sparkling that, to warriors who had not heard a sparkling in millennia, it was enough to send them running to help. In this case, the issue was only compounded as the children scattered like mice and started making the same noises. The Decepticons could hardly focus on the Autobots booking it to the relics as they frantically tried to locate the fictitious sparklings calling for aid.

The Vehicons managed to get to Jack, but he just kept looking up at them defiantly. Every time one of the dozen or so Vehicons on the field tried to grab him, blast him, or otherwise hurt him, Jack would chirp like a sparkling and send all of them scurrying back. It wasn't cute to the Vehicons. Having never seen actual sparklings but still having the coding needed to adore them, they looked at Jack and saw a weird frame-walker. They weren't sure what to do about it except try to haul themselves away while also keeping a vague circle around the human male.

Miko on the other hand made it a point to chase after Megatron and Soundwave, screeching like a sparkling about to be shredded. Neither stopped for her, but Megatron completely lost his train of thought every time that screech rang out. He could have been aiming at Optimus with a perfect head shot and he would be unable to fire as Miko's distressed sounds rang out in his audials. He KNEW she wasn't a sparking. His coding wasn't even that strong. But by Primus, hearing her screech was the same as watching a civilian get run over by a bus, repeatedly. Focus was impossible.

Soundwave wasn't much better. He didn't react outwardly, but the slowing of his steps and the way he tried to sidestep Miko gave away his distress. He avoided her like the plague, trying to refocus but being unable to really get far as Miko screamed like a demon. It was a fight against the Unmaker himself to keep Soundwave from bolting over to collect the sparkling who sounded so very upset.

Rafael, for his part, followed Miko's lead and harassed the other three members of High Command most often found out on the field. Breakdown ran screaming the moment Rafael started chirping at him. This was both out of fear of the frame-walker and to escape the inevitable overreaction of his coding. He may or may not have attempted parkour once or twice to get as far away from the smallest of the humans as possible.

Knockout tried to ignore Rafael when the kid chirped up at him, he really really did. But how does one ignore the Cybertronian equivalent of a soaking wet kitten meowing up at you? Simply put: you don't. Knockout gave in and quickly dropped down to try and soothe the non-existent sparkling every. single. time. Rafael pulled his noise trickery. He never fails to panic and attempt to flash colorful things at Rafael to get him to stop. Every Decepticon has since been endlessly disappointed in him.

Starscream, being terrified of things that really shouldn't be there, took the skies the instant the trio began screeching. Nope. Not today Unicron. He'll get the mission done or get the heck out of dodge to avoid coding coming online. He doesn't need empty nest syndrome on top of a crippling case of "I Love Power." He also doesn't need to deal with the horrific mental image of a squishy somehow managing to sound like a sparkling. Nope. Nope. NOPE.

The Autobots are grateful the kids can protect themselves a bit now. But by Primus, they have known NO peace since the kids figured it all out.

[cullenbluewrites]

So freaking CUTE ♡ I love them so much ♡

(I requested this from my main blog a while back, finally reblogging it)

Is the requests thing still going??? Can I have some Coldhands Cuddles?? It’s been a long week I really wanna see my babies enjoying some domestic bliss under a fluffy and warm blanket. Both Wen Ning and Zhuzhi Lang have earned it.

It’s cool tho if requests are over though don’t feel obligated or anything!!!!

[cullenbluewrites]

Jailbreaking

Fandom: Módào Zǔshī by Mòxiāng Tóngxiù | The Untamed (TV) Rating: Teen and Up Relationship: Niè Huáisāng & Wēn Níng | Wēn Qiónglín Characters: Nie Huaisang, Wēn Níng | Wēn Qiónglín, Lan Yuan | Lan Sizhui Summary: During the Wen indoctrination, we see everyone escape during the fight with Xuanwu… except Huaisang, who had fainted earlier. So, in short… how TF did he escape??

The story of how Nie Huaisang broke out of Qishan, and the events that happened afterwards READ ON AO3...

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