cherrrrrrrywaves

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crawling back to you (⭐ving myself)

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i wonder if ed sheeran knows about his association with the ed community

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that feeling when you regain control is so good.

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its crazy how bad my mental gets when i b1nge bc tell me why i wanted to kms so bad when i was b1ng1ng for two days in a row but now im back ⭐️ving again i feel like life aint even that bad lol

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i asked my mom to lock away the scale for the weekend so “ im learning to not be as obsessed with weighing myself “ but i literally just binged and i don’t wna completely lose it seeing ive gained

i also asked my bf to stay w me and distract me the upcoming two days so i don’t eat bc my stomach really “ needs to recover from the overeating and the lax bc if i eat again tomorrow ill have to take lax again and my intestines r gna go mad i needa calm down so i can go on my own again “ which is lowkey true but i just needa fast bc i just mf binged bahahahH they so ignorant its so cute i lowkey feel like a b1tch tho 😭

soooo i just took way too much lax bc i was hella raging now i lowkey regret i didn’t jus wait until tomorrow morning cause now i gotta stay awake until 2am and i was thinking about sleeping until then but my stomach hurts so mf bad i don’t even think i can???? anyways i hope they’ll work faster cause i just want today to be over and start again tomorrow aaaaaaaaaa

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my little brother lost like, one and a half finger and damaged a lot of his hand to fireworks on nye :( people have been coming over a lot to see him this week and everyone brought him snacks and they been sitting on the kitchen counter the entire week staring at me and it made me binge twice (overreacted hella bc i still lost after taking lax) i was so sick of it so i texted him and asked if he could just please take the snacks to his room and he was so kind about it all he said was “ ofcourse i can ❤️ “ now im crying bc i genuinely feel guilty but something about him understanding and not asking why bc he just knows is so comforting i love him sm

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The worse I get the better I feel

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im on topiramate for my ptsd nightmares and it takes away the food cravings which is a huuuuge plus but it also takes away my cravings to smoke ouid and i hate it i jus wna smoke to numb and to sleep, they gave me quetiapine to sleep but quetiapine gives u hella cravings so no way im taking that? this all so complex tf do i do im tweaking 😃

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this food calculator app tells me i can be 47kg ( my gw ) by march 20th if i eat 1300 cals a day and i don’t eat ANYWHERE near that i don’t even eat half of that so i have no excuses to not make it to 47 within the next month really

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locked in so much i don’t open any other social media app but tumblr

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when i had a psych appointment and she was like “whats ur bmi rn, 14?” and i was like WOMAN thats a huge ahh compliment but did u forget im actually 175cm tall 💀

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I don’t want to be clean girl pilates princess skinny I wanna be messy smokes cigs and rots skinny

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The 4n4 girlies wanting to st4rve but also have long thick hair down to their ass is so real but also so contradictory 💀

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sometimes im so hard on myself with this whole ed thing but then i think about how i went from bmi 34 to bmi 17,9 and im still hard on myself bahahaha

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i reached my first gw and i remember this once being my ugw LOL i still look f4t and i feel like i look exactly like i did 10kg ago. how low do i need to get before i actually feel shk1nny ugh

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€Ds are so embarrassing because you mean I have nothing else going on in my life as important as having the lowest number possible on the scale.

Like damn bitch maybe get a life or something